Girls Gotta Eat - Let's Talk About Mental Health feat. Comedian Brendan Eyre

Episode Date: July 22, 2019

In this episode, we are deep diving into mental health (mental illnesses, treatments, and even suicide) with comedian Brendan Eyre, and he's the most perfect person to discuss these topics and provide plenty of comic relief along the way. He takes us through his "journey" of mental health from a psychotic breakdown in Alaska to trying to escape a psych ward to where he is today in a solid place doing comedy and in a loving relationship. We also tackle how to handle mental illness in a relationship. And we kick off the episode with an update on our latest travels (specifically, Jersey strippers and dates in Denver). We hope you enjoy! Follow Brendan on Instagram @EyreBud and get his album here. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @OneHungryJew. Check our website for tour dates and merch. Thank you to our partners for this episode: LiquidIV: Get 25% off at LiquidIV.com with code GGE at checkout. No Bull: For simple, durable, and functional training gear, visit nobullproject.com/gge. HelloFresh: For $80 off your first month, go to hellofresh.com/gge80 and use code GGE80. Ritual: Get 10% off your first 3 months at ritual.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The next morning I told the doctor, I go, I masturbated yesterday and nothing came out. And he was like, oh, yeah, that's one of the main ones with that new. Oh, my God. I think they'd mention that. I go, you got to lead with that. Welcome back to another episode of Girls. We're here. We are back in New York for like a day and a half.

Happy Monday. Rise and Grind. We have a great episode today, a little different than what we usually. Oh, yeah. We are really getting into some mental health stuff today. with a comedian named Brendan Eyre. And he's hilarious. He is awesome,

but we are really going to talk about some more serious topics today with mental health. So we'll get to it. That's all I've got to say. Good. I'm excited to give you guys an update on the cities that we're coming to. We have so many exciting things that we are doing.

I can't wait to meet you in these new cities. So we are in Canada this week. There's still a couple tickets left for Toronto and for the Montreal JFL Festival. if you guys want to come out. We have Minneapolis tickets left just for August 3rd. And then the whole tour that we announced, tons of cities, and there are some tickets left in all of them.

So Detroit, Cleveland, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Charlotte, Atlanta, and Charleston. Atlanta might be sold out by today. I don't know. ATL. Oh, God. You guys came in strong. I know.

I knew they were. Really, like, almost sold out in a week. Center stage, almost sold out. Guys, it's going to be such an awesome show. also Toronto just confirmed the opening entertainment today four days before the show. And it's going to be really fun. So definitely get on those remaining tickets, all these. We hyped a lot of these cities last week.

We didn't really show Ohio any love. I'm super excited to go to Cleveland and Columbus. Our guest today is from Cleveland. So we talk about that a little bit more. I family in Columbus. I'm just really excited about all the cities. But got to show them awesome love. Yeah, but mostly Pittsburgh.

I'm mostly excited about Pittsburgh. The theater that we are doing this at is. is really like a dream. It's so beautiful. We do a lot of cool stuff at comedy clubs. This is like a full-blown, like music hall. It is insane. You come, watch me just cry my eyes out on stage.

I'm so excited. So, yeah, we'll see you guys in all these cities. You can get tickets at stupidliveshows.com, as always. Yes, they're still called stupid live shows. So that girl, that said the joke is over. It's never go over. Never over. Never over.

They're called stupid live shows. And they will be called that forever. If you don't like it, don't come. We just had some amazingly stupid live shows in Phoenix, well, Atlantic City to start. Then we went to Phoenix, Denver, and Salt Lake City. And, you know, we're going to keep this brief, but we really always like to show the love to all these cities, which were all incredible. Atlantic City, I mean, the main thing I can say, and we can say it now because we were kind of teasing it is that we opened the show with male dancers, strippers, dancers from the company,

Huncomania. Boy, were they. Um, yeah, Huncomania. They do shows here in New York, Philly, uh, all over this area. So check them out. We don't need to plug them, but obviously we are. They were incredible.

They came out. One guy, this was all my doing. They were like, I was like, this is how it's going to work. One guy's going to come out to pony, obviously. The show was going to start with the intro to pony. One guy came out basically humped a chair. It was so sexual. Then the, all the other ones came out.

They did like an, raining men. They had their umbrellas. They had their raincoats. They took all their things off. It was wild. Then it like ended with this like booty work. Then they carried us out. They came and got us pony cues up again. I'm like getting so hype. Pony cues up again. They go to the side of the stage. They pick me and Raina up. They were so lubed up with so much oil. I was like, am I going to fall out of this guy's arms? Yes. One one stripper was assigned to me. One was assigned to Raina. They picked us up, brought us out on stage like carrying us like fireman style, twirl us around, put us in our seats.

And then the very end, we closed with this solo dance with just one of them named Romeo, obviously. And he danced all up on Raina. And I just, Rain, you can talk about when we, we were trying to tell him what we were envisioning in the dressing room right before the show. We tried. We were like, I want to do an upside down 609. He's like, I got you.

I'm like, do you need a new chair? I got you. Do you need me to be somewhere? I got you. He was like, just sit there. He was the biggest of them. He was probably like six to, so jacked. And we were trying to tell him, like, we have this vision.

He was like, I got, like, he would, he refused to let us tell him what to do. He came out and picked the stool with Raina in it up. Like a bar stool. Flipped it upside down with a back. Like flipped it upside down. You and the chair you were in. And I was so shocked by it. By the, a normal person would grip the chair to not die.

I grip my hair extensions. Your hands were. went right back to your hair. Yes, most people would grab onto the bottom of the chair. Your hands were on your head. And then he put you on the floor, drug you towards him by your ankles, and then put his head between your legs and then basically did a headstand and like bicycled in the air. It was bonkers. Also, oh, the song we did for that was ludicrous. What's Your Fantasy, obviously? So we came out right to, I want to lick you from your head to your toes, lift you up. I was screaming. It was a mom. She was like Amy Polar, mom dancing. It was amazing. The whole thing.

It was so amazing. I mean, I guess, like, its answer is my question. Would you rather die in a stripper accident or have your hair extensions fall out in a stripper accident? I clearly would rather die. Would you rather get a full-blown concussion or lose a hair extension on stage? Concussion, always. Always. What if it had an entire track of my hair extension just hit one of the casino goers in the face?

That would have gone viral. More than a concussion. All right, next time. Girls got to eat hair extensions on the stage. Phoenix was amazing. Oh my gosh. One of our favorite shows. The crowd was so incredible, so funny. And it was hot, but we survived. You guys are fucking troopers. I don't know how you do it. I really, I've never been to Phoenix. I've never been to Salt Lake. I didn't know what the people were going to be like, what the crowd was going to be like. We could not have been more excited and proud. And we don't say that about all cities. But those, I mean, the laughs were just amazing. We feel so grateful that you guys in every city are just so fucking cool. And obviously, we knew Denver is. going to be dope. It was. Yeah. Yeah, Sally City was really great. That was one of your favorites. Rana was like, I miss you, fam. I do. I miss that. We had to go to the airport. She was like, maybe we'll miss our flight and we'll go get to go out with everybody. I was like, oh, look who wants to

party now. Yeah, Denver, well, say the best for laugh. Okay. I need to tell you guys about what happened in Denver. Menver. First of all, can I just say that for months now, we have been saying like Denver is like where we're going to meet guys, where we're going to get laid, whatever. And we made, we manifested it. That's what manifesting is all about. Not to get too spiritual, but I'm sorry, we did. If you put it out into the world, you can get laid.

We put it out in the world. First of the guys there are so high. It makes no sense. Every single person is beautiful. Yeah, the guys are really hot. The girls are great and beautiful too. But I mean, every guy you see. Just stone cold smoke shows.

So anyways, I was talking to this guy there, and he has a friend who is very tall. And I was like, say no more, fam. This is perfect for Ashley. And I didn't know if she was going to like him because I had never met the guy before, but he seemed like nice enough. And I was like, I'm going to make Ashley do a double date with us after our show. They came to our show. Right.

So his first, I mean, I met him briefly in the green room. But then obviously his first foreign to who I am as a person was our show. Absolutely. So he got to see you in all your glory. He probably was all bonered up watching you on stage. like, ah, okay. And we go to this bar and, like,

they're hitting off. Me and this other guy, like, move across the bar so I can just watch her. He's like, how do you think it's going? And if she doesn't stop talking for one second, it's going great. This is a great date. She's, like, laughing.

It's so great. We go back to their place. We're sitting outside. No, you said that, like, that your guy was, like, trying to talk to you and you're like, I have to watch Ashley. They kept trying to talk to me, and I'm like, I'm busy.

Can you see I'm monitoring a situation right now? I was having a blast. I didn't. I, don't connect with everybody. Like, I really don't. Like, I was very, like, this is going to be annoying

because I feel like I'm kind of going to be forced to hang out with this guy because you kind of, like, with your guy or whatever. Which I hated, by the way. I always hate, like, when you have to drag your friend along and they feel obligated to,

like, hook up with the other person. Right. And it's so annoying. So I was glad that I saw you guys were full, full-blown chit-chatting, but when I was really glad when we were sitting outside

at this fire pit, me and this dude, and I hear the other guy say that he is six-foot-eight. Now, he is clearly very tall But he hadn't really like put a number to it And at that moment I saw Ashley's panties just dropped to the floor

She really, she leaned in She started asking all these questions I can watch her becoming more attractive to him As he said it more He started talking about he to shop at big and tall I mean listen I knew he was tall But I just wasn't fully

I was wearing heels So I was at my I'm usually a height guesser My powers were off that night And when he yeah he said six eight i was like oh for real i saw you lean in i saw your whole demeanor change you're like uncrossed your arms and at that moment i asked the guy that i was with to please get a glass of water with me inside of the house i've just never came back yeah i was like so do you think

they're going to get that water for me and he was like no so then we went in the house and then i forgot about this and thus began a two and a half day period of actually being the most high maintenance person that has ever lived. They walked into the house and got a glass of water and Ashley was like, it smells bad. I won't drink it. Listen, that cup smelled bad. Also, can I just say, Raina might make me cut this, but I'm going to try to say it, you guys. We went in and the first we started making out against the kitchen counter, next day,

come to find out you would just fuck down that counter. Maybe that's why the cup smelled bad. Did you fuck on that cup? Had you come on that cup? I made him wash his dick in the cups. Did you also notice that there was water all over the counters that everything was soaking wet? I knocked a ton of shit over with my ass and we just kept fucking. Oh my God.

I was soaking wet. Like, I can't believe you, but yeah, I can't believe the audacity of you to fuck on that counter knowing that I needed water and I should have been coming in there to get it. It's true. I just hopped right up on that counter and started fucking full bear ass on the counter.

He came in moments later and started making out. His hands. probably were on where my bare ass was in that water. Anyways, you really showed your true colors to this guy. Well, yeah, that night, we, whatever. We acted sort of normal, yeah. But we were at his place. They lived together at three in the morning, and I was like, I'm not sleeping here.

Like, it's, there's no AC in the bedroom. It was hot as fuck. And we had a beautiful condo that Denver Comedy Works had put us up in. I was in a King Suite. I was like, zero percent chance I'm not going to sleep there. and instead not sleep in this hot-ass room. So I was like, I'm going to go back to my place. Like, you can come or not.

You know, it wasn't like you're coming with me, but it was like, I'm going to go home and actually get some sleep. We have shows. I can't be out here, sleep deprived, sleeping in like a fucking 110 degree room. So, yeah, three in the morning, I, you know, made him drive me back. I forgot you did this. This is just like a breadcrumb of how high-maintenance you act for the next two days. And I'm so proud of you.

I am because, you know, you just let people know, who you are right up top. I mean, listen, I do. I like what I like. I'm going to do what I want to do. And if you accept it, you can accept or not. And that's what I told Rayna, because I was like, this is how I like to act up top. Because if I'm ever going to date a guy and then down the road, we're six months in, he's like, you were such a high-manage bitch. I'm like, yeah, you knew this. Day one. You really let this guy know this. Okay. So let me explain to you guys what she did to him the second day. We meet these guys for dinner at this place that they were super excited about. We sit down outside, Ashley immediately says there's no music and I hate it.

Raina? You can't exaggerate them. I never said. I asked the server, is there music out here? And then we played our own music. And he said no. I was like, well, I love a vibe. So I don't know what to say here. Then we ordered drinks. And Ashley's like, it's hot. She makes everybody get up and move inside tables. We get one table. And then everybody's like, do you want a different table? They're asking her if she wants to move tables. We settle on that table. We sit down. We have sort of dinner, kind of. Then we have to go dry. Ashley's suitcase off at her friend's house. So we make this guy drive us to drop Ashley's suitcase off. Right. So we had two nights at the comedy condo. And then we had one night and like hotels were just like crazy expensive. And I have a friend there. And I was like, I'm just going to crash with her. But like, kind of knowing that like we should have just stay at these guys places. Like, duh. You know, we should have stayed together. But I was like, you don't have AC there. You don't have AC in that bedroom. I can't stay there. So I was like, I'm staying in my friend Sidney's and we need to go drop my stuff off. So like we can go out tonight and I can just like go back to her place. My stuff's already going to be. be there. You know, I don't want to bring my stuff over at midnight. I'm going to drop it off ahead of time, get a key from her so I can go back there. So we drive over to her place. Change the whole plan. Drop my stuff off. Uh-huh. Yeah, we have to drop her stuff off in a totally different neighborhood. Then we go out and Ashley proceeds to basically leave every bar that this dude takes her to.

Me and this guy like split off. Every place that she went to, she hated. Okay. You're like, let me defend this. She made him leave one bar because there was no vibe. The next bar because it took too long to get a drink. And the first bar, I couldn't drink that drink. Oh yeah, the drink was too spicy at the first place. So you left that place. He tried to take you to a jazz club and there was no vibe and you hated it.

So you left. He tried to take you to a rooftop bar and no one waited on you quick enough and there was no food and you left. And then at the fourth bar you came to. is when me and this guy were already at, you sat at a different table with your guy and ordered dinner across the restaurant from us. Okay. Did all that? Like, she sounds great.

I'm going to introduce her to my brother. Did all this happen? Yes. Look, here's, I need to defend this because it sounds crazy. And it's going to get worse. The first bar we went to, fine. But, A, you were like kind of off trying to figure out if you were going to go have your night alone with your guy.

And the drink that I was served, it was a jalapeno infused tequila. And it was so spicy. I couldn't drink it. I just wasn't feeling the vibe. And I was like, can we just go? He wasn't even done with his drink. He was like, okay, sure. Whatever. There were $5. So he was like, I'm going to take you this, like, jazz dive bar. We walk in, nobody's in there. Smelled funny. The jazz band was on a break. There was no vibe. And here. We had two shows two nights before. This is my only and last night in Denver to actually do stuff. So I feel like I should be in charge of what I'm going to make it very clear that when I am kind of going back and forth to these places. I'm being cute about it. I'm not like, I can't be here. Like, I mean, we can joke about it. But like, it's cute. They were also on one block. Yeah. And he also wanted me to enjoy mine. night. So the jazz club was a no-go. I'm sure that place is very fun and like a lit Saturday night, but there was just no vibe. We go up to this other rooftop. He was like, I think Raina and, you know, other guy are going to be at this rooftop. And like, so we don't really want to bother. Let's go to this one. There's two right across from each other. We go up there. I don't know. Music was not on par.

It was like old classic rock, really loud, blaring. Took 20 minutes for a server to come over. He dropped our menus. And then never came back. And then the guy was like, I'm going to go up to the bar and order goes up to the bar and he goes, oh, the kitchen's closed. I was like, this can't be happening. So I wish I knew the name of that place to tell you guys never to go there. But anyway, if you live in Denver, it's right across the street from another rooftop called View House, which I love. So now we're at our fourth bar of the night for actually. But we walk up there and immediately I'm like, this is my vibe. You know, I heard some like, I probably heard like some Rihanna, maybe some Kigo. The music was on point. Great views. The menu was so wonderful.

I, like, ordered a grain ball. I was drinking Rose. Meanwhile, we're like, spying on Raina and her guy like over there having a very. intimate moment, like really emotional. We crept up. I was drunk and tired, okay? It was great. And so we sat there and then you guys left and we like shot it down for like three more hours. And then the next really crazy part of the story comes up where she makes him go back to

pick her suitcase up. Okay, here's what happened. I still kind of thought I was going to stay at Sydney's. Which is why she made him sit outside in his car alone while she went inside of the apartment to see if maybe she could get the suitcase. She didn't even guarantee she would sleep with him on the way to get the suitcase. Okay. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

But we started making out in the car and I was like, I really like this guy. I mean, I'm, you know, I'm not going to say too much. I like him. He's great. He's really wonderful. We've like great chemistry, whatever. And so he was dropping me off. We're making it on the car and I'm thinking like, I don't want to like just say goodbye just yet.

So I was like, wait for me outside. Let me make sure she's up and I can get my shit, you know, whatever. And because I didn't have a key. She was going to open the door. I only had like a fob to get up to the floor or whatever. So we go up there and I walk in and like in that moment I knew I just like wanted to go back out and like stay with him in this like hot fucking house where you were also. And I'm like, great.

And I can go to the airport in the morning. Whatever. So I'm going to wake Sydney up and I'm like, I'm so sorry. You're such a good friend. I need to get my suitcases. And she's like, no girl, go do you. So then walk downstairs, like walk outside with my suitcase and he was gone. Because he was like, I'm done with his bitch.

I was going to try to be so cute and be like, I'm back. because when he was like, I really want to see you again, whatever. And I was like, you might see me again in like 10 minutes. Walk out suitcases, he was gone. I'm like, I can't believe this is happening. Oh my God. This is this guy? Like, is he a New Yorker?

How did this happen? Like terrible trash guy. And he just had to like do a loop because like a cop pulled up. And he came back around, put my suitcase in the car. We went and stay at the house. And then half of the point of staying at the house was so you and I could go the airport the next morning. I wake up, text you.

Hey, I'm here. I ended up coming back. Let's leave for the airport in like 10 minutes. And you were like, I'm already on the way there. I was like, what, how did this happen? How was I even supposed to know you? You think you would just let me know. I forgot to say, yeah, whatever.

I was all like, you know, that was busy. Sexed up. Anyway, he saw my true colors and he was fine with it. I'm fun enough to make up for all that stuff. Okay, here's the thing. You can have standards and want a specific vibe and want to be able to eat dinner and drink a drink that you like and not be a total piece of shit about it.

Absolutely. You can like run around and be cute about it. also if you have sex with them the end of the night. Like, it's fine. Like, come on. You can be cute at high. Like, it didn't ruin anybody's time. Like, you wanted music at the bar.

You wanted air conditioning. Like, the luggage was a lot. Yeah, but he knew he was getting laid at the end of the luggage road. But I think that, like, the takeaway is like, you were honest. But I also think there's just like a way to not be like a pouty little bitch about stuff. I'm not. Yeah. And also all four of those bars are on the same block.

Right. I wasn't like, we need to go across town. But that was real funny what he put up with. What a little angel. What a gigantic angel. Yeah, what a huge angel. We landed this morning and we were a baggage claim, just so out of it. Raina took too much CBD oil before she got on the plane.

We're just staying there, baggage claim. And I just look around and go, welcome back to the world of terrible men. And we just started dying laughing. Of course, we have to leave New York to meet a decent guy. I hate being here. We love New York, but we love it. I'll put the men here on track. So that was funny.

And you had a good time. I did have a good time. Yeah. It was a good trip. Okay. But I don't know if anything else is crazy to talk about. So that's fine. I had a good time.

We had a great. We had a great time. Denver forever. A lot of sex in Denver. I did also, but went to a lot of bars in Denver. I will say, I did end up at that jazz bar that you were at that night. We walked in. We sat down.

He's like, do you like it? I was like, yeah, I love this. This is like the shittiest, oldest. dive bar. There's like an eight piece like drunk jazz band up here. And I was like, there's no way Ashley stayed here. It's my first word down on my mouth. He's like, do you like here? I was like, Ashley would not have ever stayed here.

You're like, Ashley is exactly where she needs to be up on a rooftop, drinking rosé, listening to the chain smokers. Like the 22 year old basic bitch that she is. And the way into my panties is to watch a 95 year old man play the saxophone in this empty dive bar and drink out of solo cups until we go home. Different, different strokes. different folks. Anyway, thanks for a time, Colorado.

Oh my gosh, yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, that's about it when we will be back to Denver sooner than later. Hopefully, I don't know. Yeah. If we recover from this last leg of this tour. So can't wait for Canada and Minneapolis this week.

I know. Oh, man. I can't wait. Okay. Well, should we get into our, should we get into our guests? Yeah, absolutely. So in the house studio today with us and do, we have a very special guest for a very special topic that we are

are really excited to cover. So he's a New York City comedian. You have seen him on Seth Myers. Comedy Central. You've heard him on the rad dudecast podcast. And his comedy album, Desiree, is out right now. Welcome to the studio, Brendan Eyre. Thank you guys so much for having me. I'm excited. We're excited to have you. How did I do with your intro? It was great. You nailed it. That's everything. Sometimes I like to throw like weird wrenches in, like tell the person that like, Andy is like a super hot wife and things like that. They get like really uncomfortable. She's great tits. Yeah. I'm kind of offended. I didn't get a weird thing.

I know. You have great titties. Thank you. That's not a bad thing. You have great sleeve tattoos. Thank you. Both arms. Yes.

I know. I feel like, do you have a fave? I think that, well, yes, Cleveland. I have Cleveland tattooed. Oh my gosh. I love that fun.

Yeah, that's probably my favorite. That's very old. And, you know, that's a great way to pick up a girl to show them your tattoo of, The dying city you're from. Oh, no. But anyway, guys, get tickets to our Cleveland show.

I'm from the Midwest. You're trying to fuck? So you're from Cleveland. I'm from Cleveland. Yeah, I love it there. Now I'm like scoping on all the other tattoos. They look great. I have a tiger.

And then this one was supposed to be a panther. And then I got back to the hotel. So I have this panther that's like selectively shaded. And I got back to the hotel. And I stared at it in the mirror for a long time. And I was like, oh, I think. think I accidentally got another tiger. So, like, if you have one tiger tattoo, you can just be like, they look cool.

But now I feel like I have to know stuff about tiger. You have a tiger guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a whole vibe. You have bleached hair. This is new. I thought so. This is brand new.

I've never done anything in my hair in my life. Never. I had, like, the standard, like, one boy's haircut, please, you know? And, like, that was it. my whole life and my roommate is a hairstylist and I was complaining about my gray hair and she was like let me let me do platinum blonde okay I'm glad you explained why in my mind your girlfriend was like I just want to pretend you're somebody else when you're going down on me guy Fieri she was she was she was very against it yeah now yes now she's very into the guy Fierry

play Brendan came in with his sunglasses on his neck at the back of his neck yeah I'm wearing a bowling shirt right now. He's wearing flames. He's got flame tattoos everywhere. If you could go down to me and yell, welcome to Flavor Town while it's happening. First of all, also, I love Guy Fieri. Who's the comedian? Oh, man. Shane. Shane Torres. Yes. He does a bit on Guy Fierre in defense of him. Right? I think the... He's a great guy. Well, here's the thing about Guy Fieri that I think is so cool. And this is very... We're off topic already. But, uh, let it fly. He, uh, he, like, he was such a joke and he just was so relentlessly positive that he overcame that.

And everyone was just like, you know what? He's kind of a good guy. He's a good guy. Like, great. He does all this charity stuff or his hometown. Like, I forget some tragedy happened where he's, whatever. He cooked for all these people. Like, you Google him.

He's a good one. Yeah. Well, his show is only focused on exposing really small. restaurants to the mass public. Really small restaurants. That's great. That he's literally never not loved. Every single one of them.

He's like, well, this is amazing. Also, like, he likes every single thing he's ever eaten. He does. So he's gone to Pittsburgh a couple times in every place he goes to him. I'm like, I didn't know that they could legally serve food at that place. Oh, my God. There's this bar. It's like a shitty dye bar.

There's an oven in the middle of the bar, like a mom's house oven. And sometimes I'll see them tie one of the. the knobs to the handle with like a with like a rope just to keep it shut. Like that's how shitty this place is probably not up to code. Yeah. And Guy Fierry is like, it's fucking awesome. I love that you said that. I feel like that's a great segue into our mental health.

That if you just stay positive, you'll overcome. Yeah, you can overcome bleach blonde hair and flame shirts and backwards Oakley's. So, okay. And also, I don't know, maybe I should know more of your stand up, but what is Desiree? Desiree is you kind of have to listen to it So I had all these names going into my album And then this woman Desiree Was in the front row

And like we got into this crowdwork moment And it turned out Her husband was just a guy Who had come to her house To install cable Okay And I was like your name's Desire And you are married to the cable guy

Like you're a porno five years later. Like you're the, and it was like this great moment and it, and here's the weird thing. Maybe your listeners can help. This lady does not know the album is named after.

What? Like I'm trying to like, I've been tweeting like trying to be like, she should know, I think. Like, because it's not named as like your mom or your sister. It's a total stranger.

It's a total stranger. Oh, gosh. Do you remember the show? Yeah, it was, I mean, it was, there was, we recorded, four shows in Cincinnati at Go Bananas.

And it was, I mean, I don't know what show it was, but she'll know because she'll know her name is Deseret. She's married to a cable guy. And they knew it was an album recording. All right. Well, if anybody's listening to know Desiree, I'm not kidding. I'm not trying to like toot her own horn.

She'll get a little finder. I think you will. We found a guy that I hooked up with in Key West in 2004 that I used to joke was the one that got away. and someone found him. Like people, people found him. So Desiree from Cincinnati will find her. I love that.

Yeah, everyone was like a little bit like, are you sure you're going to name it that? But I kind of like the like mystery of like. I love it. It's a hilarious story too. It's a real talking piece. Yeah. You know?

Like when people are like, why did you do your special this? And then you're like, it was my mom's name. Like that's the end of the conversation. Yeah. Feel like, great. That's original.

Right. So you are here today and we really appreciate it to, because you've been really open. about Ashley and I hate the word journey. I like to, we just, let's just tell everybody that's listening. When we say Journey, we're air quoting it. I hate people talk about Journey, but it is sometimes the appropriate word. Right.

I think we have a lot of listeners that really relate to these kind of things, and we haven't talked about it a lot on the show. Yeah, I mean, I love talking about it because, I don't always love talking about it because it can be hard, but it's like, it's been incredible the amount of people who have sort of related that I like it's been amazing to me where it's like oh everyone's life has kind of touched by this so I have um nobody really knows what I have like they're officially have been diagnosed as with six mental illnesses so I've been officially from a doctor diagnosed with major

depressive disorder and also the like slash medication resistant depression, generalize anxiety disorder, panic disorder, bipolar type 2, OCD, and borderline personality disorder. So, yeah, I told my mom that and she was like, oh, I never thought you had borderline personality disorder. But all the other. There's all the other shout familiar. You just thought I had five this whole time. She's like, that six ones a stretch.

Yeah. So, like, I just to quickly kind of skip through, like, I had my first, like, real mental breakdown when I was probably, like, 22, and I was in Alaska and I was living, I was working in a salmon canning factory. Okay. My brother had, like, he had just graduated from Harvard, and he was, like, saving this village. like he was he was doing some project to like get them out of bankruptcy and I was like I'll work in a salmon canning factory and my brother was had gone out of town on some thing some business and this is an important part of this story his is his car had the car they gave him the village gave him a car and it had broken down and you're supposed to it's very important in Alaska to take your you have to take your garbage to the dump. They don't pick it up. Okay.

And I didn't know this, but his car broke down. My brother had been putting the garbage. My brother's not the most like common sense having person. He had been putting the garbage under the cabin. And so this was the first time in my life, I started to basically like, I couldn't sleep. And I was having just extreme anxiety attacks. Okay. And I was having sort of like the reason that I've never really,

no one's been able to like kind of accurately diagnose me is because like I do have somewhat, I don't know if it's exactly the right word, but I have some psychotic symptoms sometimes, which is like it's hard to, and that's kind of why they throw me into bipolar type too because they can't quite pinpoint it. But so I was like having these anxiety attacks and I would like look at, in the mirror and see things like moving in my body that was not real obviously. Right.

You know, and so that's the like this little kind of psychotic element that I have sometimes that makes it hard to diagnose because they're like, you're not a schizophrenic. You're not like mental health is diagnosing is kind of like an art form, you know. There's like mixtures of stuff where they don't, there's no real name for it, you know. But anyway, so I'm, that was the first time that happened. I was like afraid I was going to cut my body open to like get at this stuff. I threw all the knives out of the cabin. And finally I'm like, I got to quit this job. My brother's gone. I got to walk to, we're in this little village in Alaska. And I was like, I got to walk to the, I had all this

money from the salmon canning factory. I was like, I got to walk to the airport, fly to Anchorage, fly home to Cleveland. Like this is, I'm going crazy. I'm losing my mind. And so I, and I hadn't been outside in like four days. I hadn't been going to work. And I opened the door. And the reason that it's so important, you take your garbage to the dump, is I opened the door and there were probably 15 bears surrounding the cabin. Oh my God. And it was like, and it was, I knew you were going to say an animal, but I didn't know bears. There was like 15. Yeah. And they were small. I don't know bears. They certainly weren't. I'm like, oh my God. And you're. having this anxiety

to add. They weren't, they weren't, certainly weren't grizzly bears. Holy shit. But, they could be little cubs.

It would still skip 15 of them. It was, yeah, and it was crazy. And it was so interesting because it was like, if you're having, like,

a thing that's not real happening to you, and you're freaking out, and then all of a sudden your face was something that's very real and you know it's real, it kind of cures it.

Because all of a sudden, I was like, because all of a sudden, And I was like, well, I don't know. I don't know about these things moving in my arms, but there's fucking bears here. So I can't leave. Pretty clearly. So I, like, just, like, played video games until my brother came home and was like, we got rid of the bears and I flew home.

And then I got medicated. And I also, around that same time, and this is too much for one episode, so we don't have to get in at all this. But around that same time, I got sober. I had a drug and alcohol problem from a very young age. I got sober. and I got on the right dose of medication, which ended up being just kind of a very high dose of antidepressant. That was it.

And my life was great for 15 years, you know, no mental problems, like sometimes a little depression, but nothing major, nothing like that, like nothing at all. And in 2017, I started to have kind of depression leak back in. Okay. Still medicated? Still medicated. Same medication for all those years, same medication.

And I went to a new psychiatrist, and she immediately was very concerned at the dose I was taking. It was Lexapro. Right. And she was very concerned with how high of a dose it was. And I don't have any resentment towards her or anything like that because like she was working off slightly dated information. There was a time when, very recently when they thought very high doses of Lexa Pro are bad for your heart. They've since found out that's not the case.

Gotcha. But she was, she was, it was not like, I don't hold it against her at all because like she was, she had my best interest in mine. And I had been healthy for so long that I was totally on board when she was like, I think we should try a medication switch. And I was like, yeah, of course, no problem.

Like, and I, because I had been healthy for so long. And correct my, I mean, I'm certainly, actually in our doctors, don't be surprised. But, I mean, your body does change over the years. And so, I mean, obviously like the same chemical balance that's going to work at one time in your life won't necessarily work 13 later.

Right. Right. Correct? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Now, I think it still was working pretty well. It was just like I was starting to have some little depression.

Knowing what ended up happening, I would never have gone off it. But I didn't know that at the time. And I'm like, yeah, of course. Like, let's try something else. So I went off the Lexa Pro, tried something else. And essentially, like, very, very rapidly, like everything fell apart. Oh my God. Everything fell apart and it became this, like, deep depression and, like, horrific, like, almost constant anxiety attack.

Are you living in New York at the time? Yeah, I was living in New York. Not a forgiving place to be at the time. And it was like this anxiety attack that just would not subside. Like, it wouldn't go away. It was like, I couldn't sleep. Like, I was starting to have some of the. those weird psychotic symptoms and I was like, I got, I got to go home. I got to go, I got to figure

this out. I got to take a break. I'm going to go home to Cleveland. I'm going to go to my parents' house. And basically, I would see doctors and try different medications. Nothing worked. And it was just getting worse and worse and worse and worse. And in July of 2017, I hung myself. Oh my God. And I hung myself with a blanket, this thin blanket in my parents' house. I hung myself from a rafter. And in hindsight, it was like sort of a comedy of airs. Like, the blanket just stretched. like it stretched out and so I was like on my toes

so I was just hung but standing there but I had like tied the knot really good you know so I had to be so I was like standing there for a second and then I had to be like

mom oh my God mom I hung myself but I tied the blanket stretch and she my mom this totally true this is totally true

are we allowed to laugh Yeah, you can laugh. This is totally true. My mom couldn't hear me. So my mom goes, I'm on the phone. No, shut. No. Shut up.

So I was like, all right, well, whatever you get a chance. I'm hung. So. Stop. She's like, I got to give your father direction. Yeah. Yeah. What?

This is a lot. The bears and now this is... I appreciate this wave that we're on now. It's a lot. It's emotional roller coaster. Okay. So that happens. So that immediately, my mom's a nurse.

And my mom's like, we're going to the ER, you know? Yeah. Like, okay. So, okay, let me ask you this. When you yelled out to your mom, were you like, I don't want to do this anymore? Or were you like, mom, you got to help me? Here's what was weird.

And what turned out, what turned out, Yeah, I was like, Mom, can we get some rope around here? What is this? What kind of target blankets are these? Yeah, yeah. The blankets suck. Yeah. But was it like, you realize it wasn't going to, like, what was your thought process?

This is what I found out was that I was most likely having a side effect, which I had a second time to antipsychotic drugs. I was most likely in the midst of having a side effect, a rare but like dangerous side effect called acethesia. Okay. And it's, it has a high risk of suicidality because it's, and it happens sometimes with antipsychotics. It basically, you get this feeling where you need, you feel tortured inside your own

body. You feel like you have to escape your body, which is very hard to explain. And you can't sleep. And you, so I didn't want to die. Like I didn't want to die. I wanted to live. I wanted the feeling to be over. Like I needed the feeling to be over.

Like needed it. Absolutely. Okay. So you've called your mom for a new blanket. Yeah. Right. I hope the advertisement was for blankets. Yeah.

We actually do have a sponsor that's a comforter, but not today. Not today. Yeah. Yeah. So you didn't really want to die. No. No. I just wanted to go.

I just couldn't feel like that. Like I couldn't feel like that. And why didn't, why didn't they just put you back in the Lexpro. I'm a little confused. Well, they eventually did. It didn't work. And it's very common. Like, psychiatric drugs are so odd. Like, that's what had the author, David Foster Wallace, the same thing happened.

He went off his drugs and literally everything they ever tried, including the same drugs that he was on, never worked again. Oh, my God. Yeah. That is just, it's terrifying. It's scary. Would you recommend that people just don't ever go off of them? If you feel good, don't go off of them.

Right. If you're good, just stick with what war. Like the hard part is like it's hard to tell people that when like if you're dealing with side effects like, you know, sometimes people deal with like, oh, they can't have an orgasm. Right. The sex stuff is the weight gain and sex stuff is like the big thing. It's like a terrible cycle because like that's what makes you more depressed. Yeah, exactly. Right. But I think and you know, again, I don't really know this stuff as well as other people. But I feel like a lot of these disorders have crossover symptoms between tons of.

so it's really tough to diagnose these things to begin with and then know what the action plan is. Yeah. Oh, it's, I mean, it's like a nightmare because I had like all but one of like the doctors and the psychiatrists I saw during this sort of year plus ordeal I had were wonderful. They were one like great,

but it's just like it's not like a broken arm. You can't just, it's, you kind of have to just like guess and then try it, you know? And so during the break, you were asking me about, like, growing up and if there was anything that might indicate these sort of problems later on. And I was, I did have mental issues growing up, but not ones that particularly affected my life. Like, I always had strange anxiety issues. Like I went through a phase where I was like really afraid all the time that I was going to pee my pants, even though I never had peed my pants. And this was like from like fifth grade to like ninth grade. Like I never peed my pants.

But I was like for some reason something got in my head and I was like obsessed with that. Right. And you're like this is what kids do and then get made fun of for. Yeah. So I had like odd like little like mental tick. Like I was the, I played soccer and I was also the kicker on the football team. And I was a really good kicker. And I could kick field goals from really far away.

And during a big game once, I missed an extra point, which is the short one, you know. And I missed an extra point. We lost. And it got in my head. And I never, I'd never made another one. Oh, my God. Ever. Like ever.

Wow. I missed every single one the same. So I always had like little stuff, but never, and never like to the point where it was like life affecting. Did you drink and start doing drugs pretty young? Yeah, very young. I mean, for me, I don't really do drugs. I've had like terrible experiences with edibles, but, um, and nothing else to me, whatever. I've done coke a few times, whatever.

But alcohol affects my mental state. Like I get really low. Like not, you know, I'm not going to use the word depression, but like, Raina knows, like I will go in like a deep, dark place. And so I've obviously covered. back over the years. But I mean, I think it does a lot of damage. Yeah. And I think I think from a very young age, I think I was self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, which is a medication that doesn't work. It works in the moment. Exactly. And then it turns, my anxiety turns in anger. And that's when I snap at people when I'm, you know, it's just like a bad cycle. Yeah. Well, the thing I wanted to ask you

and like in line with what you guys are saying is, I think you say, you know, I started going through this at 22. And I'm curious, you know, I think. people are in high school and in college and they're like, you know, am I, am I seriously depressed? Is this a problem? Am I self-medicating? Or is this just being alive? Am I just, you know, anxious about normal things? And is just like a common thing. And when do you have to make the decision that like, oh my God, this is a real problem and I should get help? And that's a loaded question. But I think it's good to talk about like what happened in high school and like how that transitioned into different problems later. Yeah. Yeah. It's an interesting. I think it's an interesting question because like in high school, all that, that, those stuff like I didn't really. need help. It was just a thing that bummed me out.

You know, like, it bummed me out. Or, like, I would get nervous. I'm really nervous about stuff. Like, the first time I was with a woman, a girl, I'd be really nervous that I wouldn't get it up. Like, like, like, I just, like, once I would get it up once, I'd be like, great, she knows, like, I'm functioning. No, no nerves. But, like, I would have that, I would be so in my head that first time of like, oh, my God. what if I can't get it up? And then she'll think I'm a guy who can't get it up. You know, like, I would just, I'm just, I think that probably comes with, like, the OCD diagnosis, maybe.

I don't know. But, like, so there's stuff like that. But to answer your question, I think, I think people know when they need help, you know. Like, if you're functioning and you're sad sometimes, but, like, your life is good, like, you know, I, I think people, generally try therapy, you know, and then through consulting a therapist can see like, oh, maybe I need to be on medication, you know, maybe not. But I think like when something becomes like a serious mental breakdown, like you know. That is where there's no gray area where like I knew like, oh, I'm, and it was disturbing

to me because I wasn't, I was sane enough to know I was crazy. You know, like, if you really have lost it, you're just in your own world. But I was, like, still with it enough to know, like, fuck, I'm fucking crazy. Like, this is crazy. Like, I don't, I'm pacing, like, I'm, I have lost it, you know? And so. Right. So I hung myself.

You, I went to the ER, I went into the psych ward. Psych ward is no good. I shouldn't say that. I shouldn't, I don't like to say that because I think it's an important place for people to, They'll keep you safe in the psych ward. You will not hurt yourself, but it can be hard in there. Got out. Things were still bad.

Went to another psych ward. Eventually, I was in a private mental hospital for almost three months. Okay. And it was good for me. It didn't really help me. It was good because it was like where I need to be. I couldn't just put my bird. on my parents. Like, I couldn't have them worried about keeping me alive. And it was like, so I was safe

there and there was like, you know, therapy and good things. And they were experimenting with medications. And they don't tell you this, these psych meds have so many side effects, you know. And they don't tell you them. Generally, they don't, doctors don't like to tell you side effects, even if they're not psychiatric medications because people tend to, if you tell them the side effects, they'll sort of, the placebo effect, they'll think they have them. But especially to mental patients, they don't want to tell the side effects. But so one time in the mental hospital, I had my own room and I jerked off and nothing came out. Just like, I came and it was just like a full on air come. What? Yeah, nothing, nothing, like a blank. And I was.

like, well, I'm dying. Like, this is it. I'm finished. And the next morning, I told the doctor, I go, ah, I masturbated yesterday and nothing came out. And he was like, oh, yeah, that's one of the main ones with that new. Oh, my God. You think they'd mention that. I go, you got to bleed with that.

He was like, yeah. He's like, that's a side effect. I was like, no, that's the effect. The effect. Like, whatever the brain stuff is the side effect. Like if it erases your semen, that's the main effect. Wait, I don't know if I would hate that. I would.

For a woman. Yeah, as a woman. What if a guy couldn't come? Yeah, I'm just like, oh, nice, no cleanup. Oh, that's my, that's my nightmare. Wolverina loves come. I love cum. I love come.

I just like, I love come talk. I love somebody talking about how much come they're going to put in me. Yeah. I can't get enough of it. Like, if I don't get that during sacks, I'm real sad. But I think I'd be fine if a guy had a real orgasm and then no cleanup. That seems great. Yeah, but it's a problem.

I mean, it's problematic if he thinks he's dying. Yeah, well, it also, like, I think the come coming out is part of the good feeling. So it wasn't, it didn't feel as good. Yeah, it was like, you come, but it was like, it was not good. Okay, I see. I hear you. So, I mean, what is, you know, I know if there's, there was a kind of a whole year of this worst time of your life, right?

I mean, how did you kind of come out on the other side? Like, what was? Okay. So eventually I had, I mean, everything, I've tried, I tried every, I tried every. everything. Like eventually I come out of the mental hospital. Eventually they were like, okay, you've done everything. Like, you're still where you are.

It's been on the table for a long time. I think you need to try electroconvulsive therapy, which is shock therapy. Yeah. You know, and which is scary. Like, you know. What is it actually? Can you explain?

I think that there's like a lot of funny jokes and stereotypes about it. What does it actually do? What's funny? Because whenever I like tell people that, they're like, I didn't think they still did that. Yeah. And like, I hope they do.

Like, otherwise, I got pranked real bad. Oh, my God. Uh-huh. But, well, I was telling you earlier before we start recording that my only thing I've seen was in Homeland with Claire Danes and it seemed real on that show. This is the thing. Like, the crazy thing about it is that it's much more effective than antidepressants. Every study they've ever done, it's a more.

more effective treatment for depression. It's just intense. And it almost got done away with because one flew over the cuckoo's nest gave people such a fucked up image of it. Jack Nicklechleson was like fighting down on a strap and like getting

fucking shocked. But then Kitty Dukakis, Michael Dukakis' wife wrote this memoir about how it saved her life and that sort of like brought it back. Okay. The theory behind it, this is what's crazy is like, I asked the doc, because I don't ask a lot of questions, like, but. You're just like, give it a try. But like with this, I was like, I should probably, I should probably dig around a little bit.

And did you feel like you had other people to help ask questions also? Like, did you involve your family in this kind of discussion? Yeah. Well, my mom is like, my mom is a nurse who eventually, like, she went back to school and she was still a nurse, but she dealt, her job was. was to help kind of liaise with patients and patients' families and doctors. So my mom is, like, very good at, like, kind of navigating, like, asking doctors questions and stuff. But it still, like, came down to me. Like, I'm a grown-up, you know?

So I had to, like, decide. And I asked the doctor, I was like, how does this work? And he was like, oh, no one knows, man. And he literally said, man. I was like, I kind of appreciate it. I think I would appreciate that too. Because I was like, at least he's being honest. Yeah.

What happened was this French doctor in like the 30s or 40s treated epileptics. People had seizures. And he noticed that when someone had a major seizure, they were, like, especially depressed people. If they had a major seizure, they would oftentimes experience elevated moods for years afterwards. Wow. And so the whole point of ECT, it's nothing to do with like electrocuting your brain into reorganizing. The whole point is to give you a seizure. And that's the easiest way to give you a seizure is to electrocute your brain.

Okay. Do you awake for it? No. They put you under. And they start with the electrode on one side of your head. And I did, you do it Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I did five of those. It wasn't working.

I still felt horrible. And so they're like, okay, we're going to move to two sides bilateral, which is a... Two a days. Yeah, two a day. Spring training. You're going to move to two a days. Oh, my God.

So they put it on both sides of your brain and they're like, here's the thing. You're going to lose some memory. He's like, I don't know, though, man. We're not sure. He might, dude. I don't know, bro. Listen, bro. I don't know what you think about memories, but I don't know how attached you are to like things that happened to you.

But you should just add your pre-chillabatic thing. They're not going to be there anymore. So short term, long term, whatever, he didn't know, dude. They don't know. They don't, it's fucking, I was like, and like the weird thing is, and I, I tweeted about this a few weeks ago. because it's weird because I don't know what memories I lost because it's not like every day you just go through all your memories. So I was on the road and I was like,

I was on the road by myself and I was like, I'll go see John Wick 3. And I like sat down and as soon as John Wick 3 started, I was like, oh, that's one they took John Wick 2. I forgot John Wick 2. They took John Wick 2 like they took John Wick's dog. So there's just weird shit. I don't remember.

And like, I'll meet people and I just don't know if I know them or not, you know, like, so it's a pretty good, like, excuse, you know? But that didn't work, really. None of that. None of that work. And finally, I don't know. We just kept screwing around with medicines. And are you back in New York now? Were you in Cleveland during this time?

I'm in Cleveland this whole time. I was out of New York. And I kept paying rent in my apartment because in my mind, I was like, You'll get better and come back. I can't. The second I stop, I've quit, you know? And so like, and during this time, there was a couple false starts where I came back and it didn't work, you know, where I was like feeling kind of better and came back and it just didn't work and I would go home.

But finally, either I hit the right medicine or like it backed before psychiatric medications when they threw people in asylum. like other than schizophrenics who they don't really get better like that's a progressive disease like you can treat it but people with mood disorders like when they before medicine they throw you in asylum like a lot of times they would just get better in like a year and a half like and they don't no one knows why so that might have happened to me maybe I got the on the right medicine I don't really know I'm just like so grateful that I have my my life back, have stand-up back, have just like, and the suicide thing is really important to me. Because, like, I, I just want people who are in that place, like, to know that it could take a really long time, but, like, it can get better.

And it might not get perfect. Like, my life, I deal with mental illness. Like, I have depression and I have anxiety problems, like, today. like, you know, right now. Yeah. But it will get better. Like, you know, you don't have to do that. And there's so many, so many methods of, like, avoiding it.

That just, it's just a huge thing to me because, like, the butt for, like, a shitty blanket, I'd be dead. And now my life is, like, great. Like, I have, I love my life, you know? And it's like, it's, it's, when I think about it, it, like, scares me where I'm like, I could have been fucking dead because of a moment. like feeling, a horrible feeling. And I just want people like, because I know so many people go through those feelings. And I don't blame them from feeling like that's the only option.

But it's not. Like it's not, you know, you get better. Yeah. I think that you brought up hope. And I think that that's probably the thing that so many people lose is that they're just like, I've been on this journey and it's never going to end and I'm never going to feel better. So like throughout all this, was there something that gave you hope and like of someone that gave you hope? How did you go through all this?

I mean, no, I mean, I lost hope. I lost hope, you know? And, like, I went through it because, like, there was nothing else to do. It was like, I tried to kill myself. And then I was like, well, I'm not doing that again. Like, I'm not, but I really had lost hope. And, like, the fight in my mind was like, I want, I want my life back. I want to have kids someday. Right. I don't even, I don't care if. I do stand up again. Like I want to be able to work. I want to be able to have a family.

Like I want my life back, you know? But I didn't have, there were, for most of the time, I didn't think that was going to happen. Like I really felt like this is, this is not going to happen. So I think that's an important takeaway for people who have lost hope. It's like, just keep walking forward, you know?

Just keep like, day by day. just keep going through it because you can get hope back. Like it's not, it's not gone. I've dated two guys that have tried to commit suicide. Yeah. And like when we dated, they were fine, you know, quote unquote, but not even really serious mental illness. I mean, there was just a really hard time.

Obviously, there's stuff going on there. One of the guys was having drugs. But I think they're great, you know? They're like living their life. So I always think about that. But also, I just have to know. What are you on now? Like what is the,

So I'm on lithium, which is always funny because it's like, it's just metal, you know. So it's like, it's very funny to me that they're like, I don't know, man, we've tried everything. You want to just eat some metal a few times a day, see if that does anything for you. So I'm on lithium and an antidepressant called trintilics, and I'm on clonopin, which is hard for me as a recovering alcohol. call it because that, you know, benzos are very abusable. And so I avoided that for a long time. And finally a doctor just told me like, look,

you need these. Like if you take, you're taking them as prescribed. It's not, you're not abusing them. Like you are a person who needs these. So, yeah, that's what I'm on.

And then, I mean, obviously this is a dating podcast. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We've like appreciated love, love is like you sharing this whole story. But we, I mean, I'm really curious.

about your whole life dating. You know, you're in a relationship now. We want to talk about that. But I mean, did you, what's your history with dating? I mean, do you... Well, like... Did it make it difficult? Yeah, I mean, I think I was pretty healthy for so long.

For so long, right. That it was kind of like normal relationship shit. Except that I think, like, I still had moods. I always had mood swings. And I wasn't a good communicator about it. Okay. I was, you know, I would, I would not explain what was having. I'm not getting into that.

I had a weird, I did have a weird thing in the mental hospital where this like, this beautiful woman, she would like, you, you like play board games and like do adult coloring, but like, you're like a little kid in the mental hospital. There's nothing to do. Sounds great. Yeah, it's kind of great. Yeah, maybe we should all go. It's pretty good. They give you cake. They give you cake.

at every meal. Every meal. Even breakfast. I love cake. Because I think they're just like, these people are fucked. Just give me a cake. Absolutely. If they want cake for breakfast, give them cake.

They're no one serving broccoli in the mental institution. Fuck that. Right. Life is short. Yeah. Especially for us. But this like beautiful woman, she would like rub my leg like under the table where we're playing.

She was a nurse? No. She was in there as well. She was crazy. I wish she was a nurse. You automatically fall in love with all the nurses. It's like a no one. thing because like they take care of you.

They're like young and hot. Yeah, so everyone wants to fuck their therapist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I know a guy who did, by the way, which is... Fuck to his therapist? Yeah, I think it's illegal, but... It's definitely illegal. And I'm super turned on by it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So good for him. Yeah, but so this woman was like... Broke through. She was just like rubbing my leg every time we would play board games. And then she would like, it would just be me and her watching TV. And she would like describe, like, get into describing her fake tits and, like, tell me about her nipples and stuff.

Like, coming on to me, like, in the way, like, a crazy person would come on to you, you know? Like, which makes sense. Yeah. She's in there. And so I, and so there's no, like, set up in a mental hospital. You know what I mean? Like, I can't, like, take her out first, you know? Right.

So I was like, I just, like, went down to her end of the hall one day. Her padded room. when there were no nurses around that area. And I was like, do you want to make out? Because, like, you can't. There's no, like, I didn't know how to set it up, you know? Like, it's not like normal end of date. Now we hook up.

It's like, we're just here all day. Like, and she was, was like, I am a Christian. I can't believe you would ask that. This is crazy. I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And then I was telling this guy who's like, this old guy who's pretty much like, like catatonic.

He like barely said anything. And I go, dude, it was so weird. She was rubbing my leg. He kept talking about her fake boobs. Like, and then she got so mad. I asked if we could make out. She said she's a Christian. It's just, it's so weird.

And this guy who like never talks goes, well, they don't put you in here for making sense. God. You're like, you know what? You're right? Yeah. It's like that. That makes absolute. sense.

Yeah, that exactly. Her reaction was appropriate. Yeah. He doesn't say much but what he does. Yeah. Yeah.

What he does. That is funny. But like what? So in my relationship now, like what I'm really focusing on. So I've been in a relationship for almost a year. And what I'm really focusing on is like really working hard because it's hard for me. It's hard for me.

Learning how to be like I am very. angry right now. I don't know why. It's not your fault. And I need to be alone for a while. Right. You know? Because like in the past, that would happen and I would take it out on somebody.

Yeah. You know, and I would like, or I would just, or I would just shut it down and be like, I'm not telling me, I need to be alone, leave me alone. You know? And now I'm getting better. Like, look, I have mental issues. I don't know what happened. Today is a dark day.

I'm feeling angry and sad. You didn't do anything wrong. I love you. I'm going to eat pizza and watch forensic files. I mean, that's great. I dated somebody that I just felt like I was their punching bag where it was just like their anger was just like, I didn't do anything wrong, you know,

but it was whatever they were going through. And that would have been really helpful. Yeah. I'm really mad. How open and honest are you, and were you leading up to this? I think that this is probably what a lot of people want to know that have mental health issues is how open should I be? When should I be open? What do I owe another person?

So how much of that have you shared? Well, I think, and it's hard for me to know because I, you know, I had so many years where I was medicated properly and healthy. So like during that time, there wasn't really much to share other than I take antidepressants. Sometimes I get a little down, you know. There wasn't that much to share, but I think it's a private issue. So I think like it's something that needs to come up when you get into a relationship with someone. I don't think you, in my opinion, you have no responsibility to share that with someone who you're just sort of casually dating. Once you're committed and you're, yeah.

I think once you're in a situation where you're going to affect that person's life and your behavior may affect their life, then I think it's, it's pretty important to share. As opposed to like being sober when I was kind of outdating and using the apps and shit, I would always share that right away because I thought, because that's way, because otherwise it's just awkward. Like, because then that can be a deal breaker for some people.

And it was way, way easier for me to just like, hey, just so you know before we go out and it's totally cool if you're not okay with this, I don't drink anymore. Like, I'm not, I don't care if you do.

But I just wanted to let you know like that. I would always do that right away. And now it's on some of the apps. Hinge, for example, it's one of the things on the app that you say. Yeah. Like, it's already there so that you don't even have to do those things. Right. Which I appreciate.

Yeah, absolutely. Because Ashley and I've talked a lot. We didn't have a episode about a year ago about like different partying styles. And like, could you drink somebody that drank more than you were way less than you or not at all? And I don't know if I could date somebody that was completely sober. I don't know that they would enjoy my lifestyle to be honest. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird. And it's a weird. I'm kind of similar. Like, I can, I know exactly what I can do. I can date someone who drinks. I wouldn't want someone who gets drunk every night. And I don't want someone to get drunk. And I can date someone who smokes weed. I don't mind that. I cannot be around hard drugs. Like, I can't. That's the only thing. Like, I'm kind of over everything. Spend so many years. But like, so if I see someone going in the bathroom and I, have a feeling they're going to do cocaine. I'll start to like get sweaty. To trigger? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. I mean, I'm just, I'm intrigued by the way you're able to communicate with your girlfriend now. I mean, because I think this is probably what people want to know listening like,

oh, I'm this person with mental illness or I'm dating somebody with that. So, I mean, when you're in that kind of darker place, you feel like she can do anything or you really just need your space. Well, and she's talked about this. And also, I should make it very clear. like I am not, I'm working on this. I'm not great at it. Like I'm do, I'm batting like 500.

Yeah, we're all working on ourselves. We're all working on shit. Like, like, I do okay. But I think the hard part is there's very little she can do. And for me, for my, in my, like, the way I am, and I don't think this is the same. I think it depends on like what is wrong with you. for me, I want to be alone because otherwise I'm going to be mean to her. You know, and like, and that the only time that would change is if I felt suicidal.

And that, in that case, I want to be near someone, you know, I have a, like, I have plans for that where it's like, I text my therapist. I call my mom and I'm, you know, call friends. like, but, but yeah, for me, I do need to be alone. And she's very independent, so it's good. So it works out well. She's not someone who's going to be like, I can't spend every night with you. This I can't, this is ridiculous, you know, like, I'm working on. Yeah.

Well, and I feel like probably what we get a lot of, just speaking, because our most are listeners are, our women is like, when is the point of like, can I do this anymore? I think it's a matter of, I guess, if the person is working on it. Because I think a lot of women get caught up in situations where they're like, I can't help this guy anymore. You know, like, he's down all the time. He's treating me badly. And like, I don't know if this is, I love this person, but is this like worth it?

And I guess it's a matter of, are you seeing progress? Yeah, it's also like somebody that's doing the work. And it's also like it is not your fucking responsibility. You know, exactly. Like, that's a huge thing. Like, like, my. My health is my responsibility. You know, like my girlfriend, like, she does not, I never want to be in a situation where she feels a burden of taking care of.

Like, that's unacceptable to me. You know what I mean? Like, that's not. And no, none of your listeners. I mean, there's a difference between helping and being, you know, helping and being supportive and then being a caretaker. And a punching bag. And just used, you know. And don't let yourself be like, you know.

if you if you break up with someone and their mental health gets worse, that's not your fault. Right. That's their fault for not for not taking care of themselves and doing what they need to do. So don't ever feel that that codependent kind of bullshit because I think to some degree I've put people through that in the past, you know, to some degree, not horribly. But yeah, it's not good. I'm glad that you said that. And we talk a lot about, you know, how you should do. deal with these things and not being a mind reader.

And, you know, if somebody isn't sharing these things with you, they haven't chosen to communicate with you, this is where I'm at, this is what I need. It's not your fault if you don't know how to give it to them. And I dated somebody for a long time that I didn't think had mental health issues, but he grew up with the mother who was bipolar and a father who was a closeted gay man. And there's no way you get out of that and you're okay. But I didn't know that. And I didn't know like what he needed and how he needed help.

And there's nothing wrong with me for not being a mind reader. And it sounds like you've like starting. to really learn the language of like, this is what I need and this is what's going on with me, which is all I could have ever wanted. I know. It's just, God, yeah, you think about, we think about people that we've dated.

I'm just like, oh, that would have been a dream. Well, this guy to be like, hey, I'm, something's going on. It's not your fault. I need some space. Like, thank you. It's such a, it's such a, it's such a, like, stupid, simple realization to be like,

oh, I just, if you just tell someone, what's happening. happening. They're fine. All you have to do is say. You don't have to do anything. But then maybe a lot of times, A, you know, we have men more likely than women can't express themselves as well. They aren't always totally equipped with like the language and the ability to understand

what they're going through. And then there's a little more ego involved too, I think. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Of like not being able to say those words. So that's literally step one. Right.

Most important thing. Well, that's why I ask you, like, what is the difference between, like, just normal mental health issues, just being alive and then actually needing help? Right. Because some people are, like, I'm just pissed all the time. And, like, I don't know why. And, like, there might be small tweaks as opposed to, like, you actually need to address things with a real therapist. Yeah. And I don't know sometimes if men know how to communicate to you what they need because they don't know what they need.

Yeah. I mean, I don't oftentimes know what I need. Not non-mental health, right? Right. You know what I mean? Just, like, in terms of a relationship. shit. Like, I think as a, I think men generally can be less in tune to that. Like, I, I don't know what I want sometimes. Yeah. This is, I should tell you this because of your interest in come. Thank you so much. Yeah. I've, I've just remembered this. My, my, one of my best friends in the

psych ward, the first psych ward I was in, he had schizophrenia and every morning at breakfast. He would stand up and he would yell to the whole place. He would yell. They've put too much semen in my oatmeal. Oh, my God. Every morning without fail. Every morning. And my favorite part was that he said too much.

I could get this guy the right amount of cum. He's trying to eat breakfast. He said a dollop. I can't ever eat oatmeal again. Oatmeal is canceled. Unless there's just the right amount of come. Oh my gosh. Do you have any more crazy stories?

I have a lot. Before we get into our game, should we just do that for the game? That's really funny. Actually, the people in the psych ward. Do you keep in touch with any of the? I keep in touch with a few people from the mental hustle. I try to escape from the psych ward. And I was so drugged up.

I was so drugged up. It was like the first time I was in there. And I get claustrophobic. And I'd never been locked. I spent a night. in jail once when I was younger, but I'd never been really, I'd never really been locked up, you know, in the psych ward you're locked up. And so I was so fucking drugged up and I couldn't tie the robe in the back, the hospital gown. Yeah. So just tied it in the front, you know.

And so there was this big commotion because this guy Henry would throw up all the time. And so Henry was in the corner throwing up again. And so everyone was like going to watch him because that's what they did in the psych work. And so I'm like, this is my chance. And so I go through these double doors and they were open. And I was like, fuck, this is crazy. Like, I'm going to get out of here. And they go through these other double doors and they're open.

And I'm like, is this place just not locked? Oh, my God. And I turned this corner and there's a locked door, security guard woman behind glass, right? and I was too drugged up. I didn't realize this until after my robe had come fully undone. So I'm just there, dick out. And I'm like, and I hadn't thought this far into the escape plan. So I just walk up to the security guard, dick out, and go, oh, they didn't tell you I was

supposed to get out today. And she was like, if you go back in there right now, I won't tell anyone about this. And I was like, okay, have a good day. Confidence. I've never told you. It's so crazy. Like that's how psych words work. The patience gets to get to go check themselves out while their dicks out.

Yeah. Oh, you guys didn't know. Today is my release day. They sent me out with my robe on. No, no street clothes. Yeah. Oh, my. Gosh. This is so funny. Yeah, that's so funny. I just, I think we covered like a lot of ground and I'm like excited about the different things we talked about because I think the people really want like a takeaway for like how to talk to their partner when they have mental health issues or when the partner has mental health issues and like also when to decide that they actually need help versus not.

Yeah. I think that one's the hardest one. And I think that one, that question is the hardest question. And I think I think I think the answer to that question is really like you will know. When you know, you know. Yeah, I think you will know. Do you have people come to you? I'm sure you're like the guru of this. So many people just, you know, on Instagram, like fans that will come to me with stuff. And I'm always, always, always like, look, like I'm so there for you. We can talk, you know, but I'm not a doctor.

Yeah, I've got it. And you've got to see a doctor, you know, like, because it's like, I'm not going to fuck around and like to tell you I can save your life. Like, you know, I'll talk to you. We can message, you know, and like, that's great. And I feel really good about that. That makes me feel really good when a fan reaches out. Like, oh, I related to that. And I'm like, yeah, I'm so glad you're doing well. But it's like, also I'm not a doctor. Like, you got to. For sure. You know. Do you, I mean, I hate to say, I haven't listened to your album yet. I'm going to probably do it tonight.

Is this, do you do a lot of these? Are these a lot of, is there? No, I'm, some of these stories. I mean, they're really, they're dark, but they're so funny. Yeah. What, what, it's happening is, so that album, the album is almost entirely, like, it was almost entirely, like, contract signed, ready to go before I went crazy. Oh, okay. Pretty much. So it's more, like, all that stuff. And now I'm working on a one-man show. Okay. Like about, about the, about the mental health stuff. Yeah. Kind of trying to figure that out. So there's nothing on album about that. So we're getting, that you guys are getting a sneak preview of your next round of material. Yeah. So it sounds like, maybe this is like too personal to ask, like it sounds

like you're close with your mom. Yeah. Super. My, I, this is the thing that bothers me very much is that had I not had a supportive family, I don't think I would have made it through this. and so I really worry about kind of our health care system and people who don't support a family. Like I could go home. That's the white question was like, this is going to be sound like a stupid question, but that people have like are born with mental illness

or they develop it through trauma? So I guess, right? So it sounds like you didn't really have a lot of trauma as a child? I mean, me and my dad had a lot of issues. And like that's something that when I was in therapy, they really, I mean, I'm still in therapy, when I was like in the mental hospitals, when I was in like intensive like everyday therapy, like they really would, we would talk about that a lot. But I feel and I believe pretty strongly, like what happened to me is like a physical illness.

Like you like, you know, like I don't. Wired differently. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I don't think. I think. some of my, some of my personality defects and like behavioral issues, that has to do with my upbringing. But in terms of like fucking losing my mind, like I think that is just pure,

born with it. And people like, I don't know, I think there's so much wrong information and just like lack of compassion and understanding and empathy around mental illness and especially suicide. And like when people are like, it's so selfish to commit suicide. I'm like, don't, how do you, how do you not realize that these people feel like the world is better off without them? Like, isn't that the main thing? If you feel, I mean, you said you had a little bit different experience, but I mean, people that are wanting to take their own lives feel like nothing makes me anger than like, the selfish thing or the, that's, or the coward's way out. To get to that point, how can someone not understand what must be going on? I mean, whatever.

I think, somebody who's never, I think, dealt with real mental issues and understand. understands them. And like, I remember when Anthony Bourdain killed himself and he was, you know, such a hero of mine. It was such a terrible day for me and so many people in the world. I did a post on Instagram about it and so many people commented like about how selfish he was. I think that they just really don't understand that like, yeah, you're in so much pain. You're not thinking about other people and you're not capable of it. And not only that, it's like, do you know how brave it was for that person to be in that much pain and give of themselves for that many years to fight? to not do that for as long as they did.

A man who I knew in the mental hospital for two months killed himself in the mental hospital. And he was the bravest man I ever knew. I mean, he was in, no one could diagnose him. The form his depression took was, and this is why mental illness is so strange. The form his depression took was that it literally felt like his skin was on fire. and I saw him. I knew he wasn't faking and he had been dealing with this

for fucking 25 years. And it's like, you're telling me that guy is a coward who just was on fire for 25 years and, you know, like couldn't take it anymore. Like,

just couldn't take it. Right. And yes, I wish he didn't do it. And I think there were other options. But he's not a coward and he's not selfish, you know,

like. And same with addiction. Like, I just people, people are so, I don't know, I don't know with the word. it is. Like, think that everybody operates like them, I guess. I don't know. And this is like getting

kind of dark and heavy, but we've never talked about suicide on this podcast. And, you know, that's one of the things I think that how can you not understand for someone to get to this point what must have been going on for them? How can you actually not think of that? Yeah. But anyway, no, I'm glad we're talking about it. And I'm glad that you want to talk about it more. That's okay. I bumped the shelf. I like I said it like, it's my house. It's okay. I just break that. It's fine. Yeah. I like family heirloom. I like that you want to talk about it more in your stand-up because I think the comedy community,

I think people don't really understand that the comedy community is a place where, like, depression and mental illness runs rampant. And so many comedians that we know that we're friends with are sober, have had a lot of trauma. There's a great documentary on CNN about comedy and the history of comedy in one of the episodes in the series.

It's about this specifically in Robin Williams and people who have committed suicide. And I think it's an important place for people to go because you can actually learn something about mental illness, but you can laugh about it. And I think it's, great to listen to people bring light to these things. Neil Brennan, who is the co-creator

of the Chappelle Show, also does this special called Three Mikes. Have you seen it? Yeah. Where he talks a lot about Bond to kill himself and his depression and anxiety. I think the comedy community is a really important place to talk about these things because you can actually bring light to it. Yeah. I mean, Gary Goldman is another fantastic

community who deals with very serious depression. I mean, there's, you know, there's just, I don't know. I think there's two things happening. I think like I mean, just in the history of creative people that tend to be depressed, I think there's something about being so observant of the whole world to be able to be creative that you like see the bad in it and you get sad.

That's a good point. But it's also more prevalent in other places as well. I think comedians are just a little more open to being able to tell people. You know, like if you're a bank manager and you say like, I'm suicidal, like, they're going to start fucking watching you and you're not going to get a promotion, you know, like. How many, the whole, that's what I mean, our whole career is built on like telling everybody everything about our lives. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Right. So it's like we're a little freer to. For sure. But I do think, I do think there is more. But I also think there's a there's a double, you know, there's also the fact that we're able to share it more. For sure. Well, I'm glad that you do. Yeah.

Oh, man. All right. I hope we did some of this topic justice. And thank you. So you really are the first person that's ever been on the show and been so open and honest about this stuff. We've had people that have been so wonderful to talk about their mental health history. But this is really, really great. I hope people took a lot from it.

Yeah, I hope it wasn't too serious. What? No. No. Stop. Well, this is great. There's plenty of comic relief. Okay.

We're not going to be like, guys, we're going to talk about suicide today, but it's going to be funny. Okay. Just stick along for the road. Lots of laughs. Oh, I didn't even ask you, though. How did you meet your girlfriend? Do you guys meet during comedy? Yeah, she's a comic.

Okay. Yeah, we met us doing comedy. All right. All right, well, we're going to, that's a good segue to talk about girls and relationships. We are going to lighten it up today with a game. All right, yes. We do a segment at the end of every episode.

We try to sort of design it around the guests. We haven't done this in a while. So we're going to play red light, green light. Okay. With dating behaviors. And we asked our audience, we just crowd source questions. and we're going to tell you some behaviors and you tell us.

So, yeah, the premise of the game is kind of this thing happens. This person does this behavior. Is it red, light, full stop, run or green, go, or you can do like yellow light. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I thought this was sort of funny. And some of these I think they're just like, they clearly happen to people, which is why it makes me laugh. Yeah. Okay.

So their X is hotter than you. Uh, kill myself again. Okay. Got it. Okay. No, that's a yellow. That's like a one I want to be a green. Like I want to be like, who cares?

Be like, what? I'm awesome. But like in my mind, I know I'm kind of like, I don't like that. I don't like it. Okay. That's fair. But no, green, green, green, green, but a- Wow, we've come such a long way from kids. All right.

I'm going to, I'm just going to pick one. I love this one. She's part of a pyramid scheme. Red light. Red light. Hard red. She's like that person on Instagram that's like, I'm such a boss babe, but she's like, hard red.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Check out my other boss babes. Yeah. There's a girl from. We're all part of the pyramid scheme. I know like three girls from high school. Exactly.

I got to mute you. They're funny. We had some guest on and she says that when these girls contact you, they're always like, hey girl, that's how the message starts. And sometimes it's so offensive because if they're like a fitness related one, they're kind of like, hey girl, notice you've gained some weights. high school, you know. Let me tell you about my, whatever it is. Yeah. Okay. I thought this is interesting. A girl who has no female friends and doesn't get along

with other girls. How do you feel about that? It's always suspect. Always, always suspect. That's probably one of how good is the sex. Yeah, that's one where like, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna green light you, but like. Got my eye on you. We're not, probably not, probably not taking it home to my mom or anything. She hates women. Yeah, I'll have sex with you. That is what I'm saying. Green light for sex.

Green light for sex. Red light for a relationship. Red light for a relationship. What would you think if you met a guy that had no guy friends? It's a red light. I don't know. I've never even encountered that. Yeah.

I don't know. We have a friend that her husband doesn't really have a lot of friends and I like him. Their relationship is good. But not having a lot of friends is one thing. Only having... Female friends. Female friends. Totally also suspect.

Or only having male friends in my case, that's more suspect. I think if someone just doesn't have a lot of friends, I'm like... Maybe they're like a loner. Maybe their job doesn't allow them to build relationships ever. Yeah, spy. I depend why. CIA agent. I just feel like I really want somebody to add a lot to my life.

And to me, like, adding a lot to my life is like introducing me to new friend groups. and I would like that in a partner. I'm very against that. Having new friends? My girlfriend introducing me to new friend groups. I am strongly opposed. Okay, so also too many friends is a red light. No, no, she could have friends.

I don't want to go. You don't want those friends. Okay, perfect. I shouldn't say. She has very nice friends. I love that. That's great. So we've mentioned sex.

So we have to ask, of course, red light, green light, giant unkempt bush. So it's just let it be since birth. I'm a little bit back in, well, fully unkempt is a little wild. Like it's coming down the thighs. Yeah, that's a little wild. I'm back. The Bush is making a comeback.

Yeah, I'm back into bushes. Same. I'm back into bushes. But if you go full wild style, because like I'm not even doing that, you know, like, we need to have mutual, like, you know, levels. We should have rooming habits should be similar. So, yeah, like, yellow, like, it depends. Some people naturally aren't super hairy. So if they're doing full bush, but not, but they're not a natural super hairy person.

Yeah. Great. I think as a rule, it just should fit in your bikini. Like, you know, I just feel like if it's coming out, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wild style. Like, what is it? Like, what is it like the In-N-Out Burger?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Animal-style? Animal-style. This girl's bush was animal-stile. style, bro. He ruined french fries for the whole west coast. Oh, you get the fries animal style? Yeah, girl.

What is it? What does it mean? It's a pole bush. It means it comes out of the bikini. You got the semen. Just the doll of the semen on top. I won for you. I don't think that we have ever talked about this on the history of the podcast.

What? Correct me if I'm wrong. Red light green light on period sex. Oh, yeah, green light. Yeah, that's fine. Have we ever talked about period sex? Well, I don't think my red light green light on that is like, I mean, yeah, nobody wants like a blood bath. But like I don't want a guy that is so against having sex on my period.

Like I just think period sex, I don't know. I think most people are in agreement. It's like, yeah, if you're out of control bleeding, maybe not. But if not, I don't know too many guys that are like, I'm not touching it. I think everyone's kind of down. Now, I had a thing. What if she only wanted to have sex on her period? Yeah.

Red light green light. Super green like the other three weeks. She's like, no, we got to wait. I don't have towels for this. Yeah. Yeah. My laundry bills are getting ridiculous. I had a thing years ago.

I think I would have done a little better with it now. I had a thing years ago when I first moved to New York where I wouldn't go down on a girl who was on her period. Well, that's fair? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's completely fair. And she kicked me out.

Okay. What? She told me to leave. Well, I try to think about it in the opposite. Like, would I go down on a guy that was just like, right? randomly bleeding from his penis? No. Well, here's a thing, too.

Also, all right, this is going to get maybe a little graphic. Maybe I would be like I have a tampon in, but just can you like lick around the clip? See, that's what, that's what I meant when I said, I think maybe I'd do a little better better with it now. Like now, like, now I think I have a better understanding of like, okay, I can, I, is it like light? She's plugged up. She wants to lick your clip, you know? But like at the time, I was just like, no, no. Which is fair.

That's fine. Yeah. I think that if you are that comfortable and you're, you're showered, whatever, fine. It's not my, it wouldn't be my preference personally. Well, also, she kicked me out. And like, later on, I realized, like, that's wild. To kick someone out for refusing a sex act. Like, what if I did that to someone?

That would be like, that is not like, she was savage. Yeah. Go home. I mean, listen, have I done that? Yes. I have to apologize. And then eventually give McKee to my apartment. also, yes.

Let's move on. I'm sitting here thinking like he's listening and going, she's fucking done that to me. Fucking liar. Okay. I like this, calls you dude. Oh, I love that one. Yeah.

What if a girl, like, you like bro and call you bro and dude? Oh, that's, you know, I never thought of this to you guys both just said it. Kind of a turn on. Really? Yeah. Green light, green light. Now I'm trying to think of it. If I, I have nipped that in the bud, if a guy has called me anything like that early on.

Like, I've had a guy that did that. And I was like, do you want to get laid? Stop it. Wait, he called you, dude? Yeah, like, I mean, her man or something like the way he would talk to his friends. And I was like, never do that again. I don't like that. No, no, no.

Yeah. You can do that. You can do that. You can't do that. Now I'm trying to think of. Now I'm trying to think of I've heard of a girl. You know what I did? I did something the other day.

So I've been like seeing this guy who's younger than me. I called him kiddo the other day. That's funny. He goes, don't ever do that again. Really? I really don't like it. I think I would like that. I've done it like a few times.

He's like, I really don't like that. Please don't do that. When I first got sober, I was 23, and I dated this 42-year-old newscaster. It was the best. She just like, I would just like play Xbox with her son. She just made me snacks, and then I just fuck the lady from the local news.

That's amazing. She called you son. No, but like honest, in hindsight, this is like the most offensive thing. And I didn't even think anything of it. Like her ex would like come to pick the kids up and would just be me there. And just be like watching. And like, could you imagine if you were a divorce dad and go to pick up your kids? And there's just some fucking 25 year old kid.

Like, I taught his, I taught his daughter how to ride a bike and he got furious. Oh my God. And they're like, we like Brandon better than you. Yeah, because the daughter was like, the daughter was like, dad says I'm not ready to ride a bike yet. And I was like, you're ready. And I taught her how to ride a bike. Fuck your dad.

Fuck your dad. Yeah. It's exactly the words are coming out of my mouth. Oh, my gosh. All right. That feels like a good place to wrap up. That is really funny. Thank you for your openness and your honesty.

I feel like people are going to be dying to see your comedy. So if you could tell people where to find you, on Instagram, where to find your album, where you do stand-up typically. And dates for the next coming weeks as of like, this will be, this is Monday the 22nd. 22nd, yeah. Okay, so you can find me online, you can find me on Twitter and Instagram at AirBud, E-Y-R-E-B-U-D. Which is a movie reference for you, Youngins. Yeah, movie reference.

Best basketball pet movie in existence. You can listen to us on the rad dude cast with Anthony DeVito. Greg Stone, wherever you get podcasts. I will be Cleveland at Hilarities, which you guys will also be later. Yeah. Cleveland for one night only Sunday, July 28th. And then I'm in Louisville, a show called The Dog and the Mouse. I don't know where it is on July 29th.

And then I really would like people to come out. Tuesday, July 30th, I am in at the Den Theater in Chicago. That's going to be a fun show. Lots of Chicago. Yeah. So come out to that. That's going to be a really fun show. But thank you guys so much for having me on.

This was really fun. Yeah. This is so great. And then you want to take us out? Yeah. Guys also follow us. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast and Instagram. Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter.

And check all of our live show dates at Girls Got to Eat Podcast.com or Stupid Liveshows. We told you all the cities up top. And we will see you next week. Thanks, guys. Have a good week. Bye. Bye. Thank you.