Girls Gotta Eat - Let's Talk About Traveling

Episode Date: April 2, 2018

Is it ever too soon to travel with someone you're dating? How are you supposed to take a shit in a small hotel room? Why is vacation sex so much better than non-vacation sex? And WTF do you do when a trip with your significant other goes terribly terribly wrong? All this + more on our travel episode recorded from Paris (a city we may or may not hate)! Follow Girls Gotta Eat on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

amenities. There is amenities everywhere. But like, you know how it is. Like, if you need to, like, wipe bodily fluids off your body, you're always like, where's a towel? The hotel, there's just all the towels. And they're soft. Way soft to my towels. And just throw it on the floor, you'll get another cum-tow tomorrow. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Bonjour. We are coming to you from Paris. Paris. I've been saying bonjour pretty well when we get into Uber's. I'm like, my favorite is when I say bonjour. You're like, hey, I know. And people were Spod back, hello.

Like, your accent is so bad. You're like, you say a whole sentence in French and they're like, what do you want? Fuck this place. So, Ashley, how's the trip in? So good. Everything we've eaten is terrible. We've spent $8 million on Uber's to go to places that are fucking closed. Amazing.

Am I bad at being in Paris? I spent two grand on a flight because I missed my first one. I spent $600 just to leave here sooner. Okay. All right. Well, shout out to Lauren Conrad for not going to Paris that one time on the hills. Because she made the right choice. She will always be known as the girl who didn't go to Paris.

You guys should always want to be known as the girl who didn't go to Paris. Don't come here. And I know you're all thinking, like, what is wrong with these girls that they can't enjoy the city of love? The food with the food, the city with the best food in the world. No, let me tell you. No. People fucking say that. They do.

There's no, everybody that in friends is like, oh my God, I'm so jealous. And I'm like, okay, let me tell you about what this trip has been like. Let me also back up. I've done a lot of traveling in my life. I'm not one of these people that like doesn't know how to travel. Like, I travel a lot. I do my research. I read lists.

I contact trusted friends and ex-lovers to ask, where do I eat in this city? I make an Excel spreadsheet, okay? I know how to travel. Yeah. No, you kill it. You do travel guides. You know where to eat. your whole fucking existence.

It's my whole life. It's how I actually make a living. Yeah. Let me just explain how little food I've had here. I am a food photographer, food blogger. I haven't taken one photo of food in Paris in five days. Why? Because the only thing I've eaten is snails and wine, a cup of almonds, and six packs of cigarettes.

Guys, I don't smoke. I like a cigarette hate. I will literally smell a whiff a smoke and start judging people and like walk out of an establishment if I even catch a whiff. I've been crushing Sigs because that's the only way I can like feel better about the fucking food we've been served. The best thing that's happened to me in a restaurant in Paris this week is when the waiter tried to sleep with me.

He like touched Raina's hand, gave her a wink and then brought us the most disgusting croc monsieur I've ever seen. They didn't even toast the bread. Also, he was like, oh, God, that's been the most offensive was the crock monsieur. I'm going to have Ashley run. We made a list. We did not know we were going to start that negative. We were like, we cannot sound like such assholes that we hated here.

I was like, Ashley, you know what, I was at my desk all day. At least you were in. No, you know what? I would rather be at my desk all day. We miss New York so much. Oh, my God. I missed so much. So to kick this off, I thought we would talk about our food experiences because this

This is girls got to eat and girls definitely did not eat. Girls cannot find actual food to eat. We made a list of all the places we tried to eat at. And I'm going to have Ashley read them off. Ashley, where do we try to eat on Sunday? Well, Sunday we tried seven different places to find a decent meal and ended up eating fucking Caesar salads and half-ass risotto right in the back alley. Like in the back alleyway behind the hotel.

Okay. We started, we went to this. We went to a philosophical. place that we ended up going to that was amazing. But we would try to go there on Sunday. The line was like around the block because it's the only decent place to eat in this city. And it was shocked that there was a line at the falafel place you can eat. We went up to Montmart. Everywhere was just too crowded. It was beautiful and so cute. I mean, the city is insanely beautiful. And we've had a good time. But like, we're just real bitter at this point about the food.

So we try to go to Montmart. Too crowded all the cafes were just like madness. We went to this place called Opia de Koshan. And it did a lot of research. And Ashley and I have. We had our first fight. We, okay. If you think that's a fight, bitch, you should have seen me and my ex. I threw a tantrum. And what did I do?

I patiently sat there and I was like, you're right. I threw a tantrum because I walked in this place. I was like, I can't be in here. I hate it. There's no ammets. I hate everybody. The waiter stinks. The food looks terrible.

I don't want anything on the menu and just sat there arms crossed like a fucking child. And Raina really managed me very well. She was like, what can I do for you? What should we do? Then she ordered six snails, sent back these teeny dick shrimp. She sent them back. And we left. We went to a wine bar called Frenchie wine bar, dying to eat there. They were close for renovation. Cool, cool. They asked us if we wanted to eat at the restaurant Frenchie, which was $90, price fixed. We were like, no, thank you. Then we went to this place that we had seen earlier that the food looked edible, but we went to the wrong location. So we left there, took an Uber to the right location and then got served the most offensive croc monsieur and frozen French fries I've ever seen. And we ordered, Ashley's looking at the 90. She's like, I honestly, I can't take another bad meal. Like, what should I do? And I was like, Ashley, don't be a bitch.

Okay, how bad could carbs with fat layered on top of it be? Oh, no. Oh, no. It was so awful. It was like Wonderbread with some shredded cheese. And like, you know the packages of ham that your mom used to take like the ham out of the vacuum-sealed packages to make you a sandwich? That was the ham on the croquemmecher. I powered through a few bites and I was like, I can't even do this.

I'm sending this. And the French fries were terrible. French fries. Interesting. Anyway. So, and then Rainy goes, there's not even any. Peshmole sauce on this. There was nothing. It was dry, disgusting wonder bread with like shredded melted cheese over a slice of deli ham. I am so offended even thinking about it. Oh, wait,

I actually forgot. So we get back to the hotel. I left a place off this list. It's eight places. We get back to the hotel and I'm like, Ashley, I'm so hungry. There's a sushi place in the alley behind the hotel. Ashley has her pants around her ankles to go to the bathroom. But I'm like, pull your pants up. I think they're closing in 15 minutes. Ashley's such a good friend. Pants around her angles. She's like ripped her pants up and like ran out the door with me to find that the sushi place was closed. Was closed. And then that we went to the one place. Raina had literally already eaten there the first night she got in. It's like on the court. It's it's food. It's edible food. You had a Caesar salad. We had edible french fries for once. At least they were

hand cut. We sat in silence while Ashley added last week's podcast. Didn't look each other. You're welcome, everybody. We didn't look each other in the face. And yesterday. We had a falafel. amazing. It is. The falafel place is worth waiting for. But again, you know, I'm sure we could get the same in New York City. We also tried to go to a bakery before that. That was also closed. So now we're on place number two. The falafel was delicious. Then we actually tried to buy a bottle of water that she couldn't get open. So we can't even have water here. It took me an hour. I finally loosened it up enough to open it. I promise we're almost done. Then we go to Hotel Costas, which I have actually eaten there. I eat there last time I was in Paris. It was one of the expensive meals I've ever had. It was mediocre at best, but like gorgeous, one of the most

stunning hotels I've ever seen. And really nice service. We had a cup of almonds and four glasses of wine and a pack of cigarettes. It was the best meal I've had here. It was $300 a piece. The waitresses were so be like, I'm not into girls, but like if I was. The waitresses. Hotel Costa like cannot recommend it enough if you really want to spend $22 on a glass of wine and sit there. Then we tried to go out dinner at, we were like, we were literally texting people like, where can we find food? So this very handsome gentleman that Ashley knows recommended this Italian place. And I'm like, I know where this place is. I'm like, you know what? He'd been there. This is going to be like the saving grace for him of a cute, adorable, Italian dinner and this cute little neighborhood and it looks adorable. We pulled up. Well,

and he said he was like, I'm so, after what you girls have been through, I am so stressed to give you a rest of recommendation. If it's not good, I'll Venmo you. You can go buy a dinner in New York and we're like, done. Pull up to the restaurant. By the way, I'm like a hundred thousand dollars deep in Uber at this point. Like, I'm funding Uber at this point. We have definitely owned stock in Uber after this trip. Pulled up to the Italian restaurant, which we previously checked was open. It's not open. It's closed.

Close. Close. For renovations. We're not fucking morons. We check if places are closed because places are closed here on whatever day they feel like, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, whatever. It wasn't closed. They were closed for who fucking knows what.

Renovations, we don't know. So Ashley goes to a bakery and buys me a cookie, which I promptly drop on the ground. Such a defining moment. So girls didn't really eat, but you know what? We'll come back thinner, better looking for you. And I'm addicted to cigarettes now. So anyways, this brings us to this week's time. Paris is beautiful.

We've done some cool stuff. Like, it's, we will, yeah. Just don't come here to eat, that's all? Yeah, don't eat. I took Ashley to a market. She liked the market. Okay, the market, and I got a guy made me a Nutella banana crepe right in front of me. It was insanely delicious.

Also, the falafel was delicious. And today we had some sushi. That was great. We had some sushi in an alleyway. It's great. Anyway, this is spring here and, like, find out why French women are so skinny. See for yourself. They don't fucking eat.

They're so beautiful. And leave with a nicotine habit. I wish I was as beautiful as a French habit. What did you break back from France? Cigarettes. Nicotine habit. Two packs of cigarettes. Anyways.

Rant over. Ashley's been begging me to talk more about food on this podcast. So there's your food segment, Ash. There it is. That should last you guys for at least the next year. No, but really, I'm very glad that Ashley was here with me, and this inspired today's topic, which is traveling with your significant other. And that being said, we like to announce that we are together.

Oh, yeah. I kind of sounded like I was saying we're dating. Spoiler alert. Ashley's not my type. Oh, ouch. You don't have a penis. True. Okay, fair.

How do you know? I've seen you naked like. You did have pulled out my pants and tell me to promptly pull them up. Yeah. This is our first, like, really big trip together, especially international. I mean, we did, like, a quick Miami getaway, but, you know, it was just like a whirlwind of a trip. And Aruba. You really, oh, yeah, in Aruba, where we met.

But you learn a lot about somebody when you travel with them. So that's why we wanted to kind of talk about this today. We've been doing great, given the circumstances. Like, every time something happens, it's, like, so discouraging or like a place that's closed. and we've been wasting so much money on Uber's to show up to places that are closed in the fucking rain. I'm like, I can't even imagine if this was like with an ex. Like someone I've dated, I do have one person in mind. I'm like, this would have been a huge fight.

So I think that like it's really important to talk about traveling with people and when do you start traveling with significant others because there are, traveling is so stressful and there are so many things to go wrong. And if you're not with a person that can also get out of a cab in front of your seventh restaurant of the day that is closed and laugh with you about it and buy you a cookie, you're going to get in some fights. Yeah, I mean, it's really, it is, it can go either way. I think traveling with somebody is so make or break.

And you just, you learn a lot. I mean, about somebody and it's no trip is ever, like, I mean, I guess, but like a lot of trips, they're not seamless. Little things happen here and there. There's slight delays. There's bad meals. There's all these things that can happen. And if there's one thing I can say about us, again, we are not in a romantic relationship, but we've been able to laugh about all this shit.

It's ridiculous. Like we'll show up to another closed place and I'll just take a picture of right now. It's the closed sign. Like, it's crazy. So, yes, I think you have to be able to figure out, like, can we get along on a trip? Because when you want to see somebody at their lowest absolute level of human behavior, it's in an airport when stuff is going wrong. Oh my gosh, a million percent.

And also, you know, especially an international trip, especially a country where there is a language barrier. you learn a lot about somebody and how they communicate and their threshold of frustration and anger, like all those kind of things. I mean, I'm telling you, ultimate make or break. Yeah, we have some funny stories for you guys. So to start, I want to ask you, how soon do you think it's too soon to go on a trip with somebody? I say going quick. Really? Figure it out quick. Again, because I think it's the quickest way to find out all these things about somebody and really get to know them on that level. And I'm like, why not do it sooner than later, especially at this age, it's just like figure it out. My personal experience is probably my

most serious relationship. We went on a trip four or five weeks in and road trip, road trip to Charleston from Atlanta, so five hour ride in the car and had the most like magical weekend. And that's when we had our talk about being exclusive and being boyfriend, girlfriend. And it was just like I would still look back on that, not looking back on him. him so positively, but like look back on that is like a very defining moment. And I love that we took that trip. And I think our friends were kind of joking like, oh my God, this is so early. Like you guys just met. You just started dating. And I thought that was great. But no blowjobs in the car because you've never done that before. Never done roadhead. Definitely didn't do it on that.

And you guys stayed together. He stayed with you after that. Okay. Oh yeah. You must be a great conversationalist. Oh, what the fuck? You don't have to suck someone's dick in a car to keep him around. You don't? Also, we got a loner from Ford. I did not want to wreck. it for that trip. No, but I think it's actually a really good point. If you can be in a car with somebody for five hours and make it fun and joke around, you learn so much about somebody, because you're stuck, you're trapped in a box. And if that can be really fun, I think that you know that you really can get along with somebody. I, and we'd already known that we got, we really were super into each other, but at that point. And, but if I can pinpoint the actual

like memories that I'm like thinking to myself in my head, like, I like this guy so much, it was like these moments in the car. When like we have the music on and we're like making jokes and we're singing and like, you know, he's like catching me Snapchat and singing to Taylor Swift. You know, like it was just kind of, I remember getting home from that trip and being like, oh man, this is the real deal, you know? I don't know. I think that everything likes to gamble.

I mean, personally, I don't love the idea of going on a trip with somebody that soon. What's your, what you take? Back to you. I just, I worry about creating situations with significant others that make them think that the relationship has moved faster than. than it has because it takes me a little while to, like, get close to somebody. But, like, when you do things, like, take trips together or, like, introduce somebody to your friends or your family, like, in their mind, it says, like, this person's more all in. And, like, I don't know, spending

a five days alone with somebody on a trip or in a car and a hotel does indicate to them that you are ready to be in a relationship with them, I think. That's what indicates to me. And so I'm, I'm always nervous to just wait as long as possible, I guess. Well, and I, again, I think that we were just on the same page where we already did like each other so much. It was just one of those things. So, I mean, I like met his mom on that trip too. Yeah, you know that. You know that.

I think that you learn a lot of things once you're on the trip. Okay. So let's talk about hotel behavior. Oh. Ashley just spit on me in our hotel. Right now like blinched. You just got a facial. I'm, you know, the person has to suddenly see you without makeup on.

They see your morning routine. I don't know. People see that so early with me anyway. Not me. I never take my makeup off. I wake up and just put it on and get back in the bed. Oh my gosh, yeah, totally 1950s. But the worst thing, and I know that everybody's just waiting for, all the girls are waiting for somebody to say this, when you have to take a shit and you are in a hotel room

with another person that you are not ready to do things like that in front of, I'll never be ready. I mean, we could have grandkids. I'll still never take a shit anywhere near you. Like this hotel room that Ashley and I are in, the bat, it's so small, the bath toilet, the toilet, how far would you say that it is from the bed? Oh my God, two feet.

Looking at it now, two feet. I can't take, I cannot alleviate myself two feet away from somebody who I want to have sex with me. There's just no way. I'm not even dating Ashley and I've been like going to the bathroom in the spa down the hallway. Also, let's just, while you guys, we know you're wondering, Raina has left the hotel room to take all her shits and I've just been going in the bathroom. I guess I'm like that person. She's an animal.

Listen. This is why. I really will shit anywhere. I won't. This is why God created lobby bathrooms. It's not because anybody that's checking into a hotel needs to go to the bathroom so badly. It's so when you wake up next to your new boyfriend in the morning and you have like explosive diarrhea because you ate sushi in an alley last night. There's somewhere to go to the bathroom.

Oh, my God. So that's your tip. Use the lobby bathroom. No, that's the guy's supposed to leave. What am I going to say, please leave? So I don't have to, like, offend you? No, he's supposed to leave when he takes a shit. And then hopefully you've got to go to and you can sneak in there really quick.

Okay, well, that's not how I roll. Okay. I've lived with people that I guarantee you has never heard me taking shit. I feel like you brought up hotel behavior just to talk about shitting. Like, what else? Oh, like everybody else wasn't thinking it. It's like I love it. I said, I said,

traveling with someone and every person was like, when is she going to talk about going to the bathroom in the hotel? Like the front desk person at the spa is like, ma'am, you're here to use a spa? You're like, nope, just here for my daily shit. I'll be back tomorrow. But thanks, Debra. See you tomorrow. I'm like, merci beaucoup, baza.

And they're like, bye. Bye. Anyways, I think the other thing that is really hard for me when I travel with people, like as far as mismatch styles is I like to get up pretty early. and have a plan for the day. Not a crazy plan, but just know what's available to me for the day, the four or five things and where they are. Right.

And I like to be with somebody that's going to get up and be active with me. Experience the trip. If somebody doodles in the morning and I don't get out of my hotel until like 11, I am like blind rage. I'm so mad because like you're there. You spend a lot of money to go on a trip. Like I want to experience it. I want to have fun.

I want to try the food and the museums and walk around. And if half the day is gone by the time we get up, I am not a happy girl. Yeah, I'm with you. I mean, that's not even my normal style. I go to bed late. I wake, I sleep later. But like when I'm on a trip, I'm like, yeah, I mean, you just suck it up.

You know, and like, I don't really, I just am energized and I don't really feel hangovers when you're traveling anyway because you're excited. You're like, it's exhilarating to be in a new fun city and be on vacation. So to get the fuck out of bed. I also need to be with somebody who has the same eating habits as me. Well, that's just in life. I can't be with somebody who just eats to live. Yeah. Like the, oh, we'll just pick a place people.

Nope. Nope. No, no. And that's why this has been such an upsetting trip because we did do the research and we did get the recommendations and we still have had all these shitty meals. But I'm the exact same way. Like, I don't ever want to waste a meal on a trip because you're spending money and you're traveling. You want to experience that city or that country's culture. Yeah.

And the last thing that's like a real important thing for me to check off the list is a person that really can go with the flow because like stuff is really going to be shitty sometimes. You're going to miss flights and have terrible experiences and you're going to have a day where you try to go to seven restaurants and like, I need to be. be with somebody that doesn't like throw a tantrum and then pout because I'm here too and I'm trying to like be positive and be in a good mood. It's a really, it takes me a long time to get pushed to the point where like I flip out. But like once I do, it's really hard for me to come back. So I just need to be with somebody that's just going to like make the most out of it. Yeah. And that's, I totally agree. I actually, I feel like people knowing my personality at this point, like probably think I'm not like this, but I actually love just people to plan for me on a trip. I just love to like be told

what to do. You've been really nice. You've been really go with the flow. I just, I, if there's a few things I really want to do, I mean, I really wanted to do this boat thing yesterday. So we did it. And like, I'll, I've told Raina, like, this is like the one thing I want to do today or this is the one thing I want to do tomorrow. And she's like, yeah, cool, we'll do that. But other than that, I'm just like, plan for me, please. And that's not my specialty. It's not, it never has been. It's like planning trips. Like when I would travel with a girlfriend of mine, she would always like, plan our flights, plan our trips, plan our activities, plan our meals. I'm like, thank you. So like as she said, it's good to sort of have this, like, miss this, this matched style where

like one person sort of go with the flow and the other one plans everything. And so you can feel really good about like the fact that you spent a lot of money to fly somewhere. Yeah. Speaking of flying, let's talk about plane behavior. I just love like the memes. Like, what if you met your soulmate and find out they clap when the airplane lands or find out they stand up the second the airplane. Like I can't, I cannot. Like, what if you're like, oh my gosh.

I love this person. You're going on a trip and the plane lands and then they fucking clap. And then the plane pulls in and they fucking stand up. Like in the last year, you are in row 32. You're not going anywhere. And the person next year's like, can you get up? Can you get up and get my baggage? Like, where are you going?

Where are you going? I cannot handle it. Do you want to tell some funny stories? Yeah. I feel like we should narrate this with stories. Do you want to tell the story about our friend and the customs? Oh my gosh. Okay.

Also about plane etiquette. You need to sit together on the fucking plane. I'm sorry. I don't care if you have status, if you got upgraded. Like, if you are with somebody, I mean, maybe if you're, like, been together forever and you're married and someone gets upgraded and you're like, honey, just take it, whatever, I'll get the next one. But, like, if you are in the first year, two years of your relationship and someone does

not make the effort to sit with you, oh my gosh, like one of my exes, when we would travel together, we would like start the movie at the same time. You know, like, we would ask if I would take a middle seat if I had to or he would. wanted to sit together, I wanted to snooze on his shoulder. We would like watch a fucking movie together. Like, so cute, so in love. Like, I can't. And like if a guy, let's just say the guy, whatever, or the girl gets upgraded.

And it's just like, I'll send some drinks back. Like, and they're staying in first class and you're saying in coach, fucking get off the plane, leave that person. Right. You never be with that person. Right. Who doesn't want to like hang on? Nobody likes being on a plane and you're going to leave me so I can be less. I can have less fun.

I cannot. If someone doesn't give a fuck or they're not trying to make the effort to, I mean, to sit next to you on the airplane while you guys travel to your trip together. It's a huge red flag. I don't give a fuck. No exceptions. If Oprah and Beyonce are in first class, I'm moving to first class. Otherwise, you're sitting with me. Yeah, exactly.

And they're never going to be up there, so don't even worry about it. We have a friend whose boyfriend got off of a plane and went through customs without her. He got off the plane. First of all, he didn't bother to sit with her either leg, remember? No, I was drunk when she told us this story. Okay. So this guy, she went to a wedding with this guy. I'm not even going to talk about what happened in the actuality. It was horrible.

But he both legs, he didn't bother to try to sit with her. They sat separately. And when they got off the plane, after they got back in the States, I think they were in like some other country, she gets off the plane and he's nowhere to be found. Like, he had been sitting in front of her in the plane. He was on his way to customs. He didn't even wait for her. Right. My first question was, did you guys get in a fight? And she was like, no, we didn't even sit together on the plane. We weren't fighting. And like, oh my God, can you imagine, like guys, can you imagine getting off, going on a trip with your girlfriend, getting up the plane, and just fucking taking off? No, it is really, that is so mean. It's so mean. Just be

nice to each other. And just like, I'm telling you, the sitting together and shit like that, which that's rare, but do not be with that person. That is a sign of things to come. Also, I think that a lot of things go wrong on trips in, like, with hotels and rental cars and luggage and all this stuff. And you need to be with a person that can handle their shit. I cannot be the only person that knows how to like deal with things and take care of it. Like that's one of the things like you've been nice to travel with because like if one of us is in the middle of something, the other person is dealing with the Uber and Google Maps and what is open and let's figure something. I need to be with somebody that like doesn't just leave me like on a street corner like to deal with it because I'm very self-sufficient but I don't want to have to be by myself.

No. And yeah. And that's exactly how it should be. It should be a team effort or the guy should do more. So do you want to tell some travel stories? Sure. Because I've been dying to hear this. I have been dying to hear what you have to say.

And I know it's better than mine, so I'll just get mine out the way. Guys, we save stories so that we can just tell you. We can have real reactions on the podcast. I went on a cruise with my boyfriend and we broke up on the ship. Because no big deal. You went on a cruise. Okay. I actually, I'll be honest, I'm not a huge fan of cruises.

But this was years ago. And this was actually a pretty cool cruise. some music cruise. There's all these bands that come in the come in the boat. Shout out to Sixth Man in the Rockboat. It's a great cruise. We went on it. He really wanted to go. I got to go and write an article about it. So I brought him. We, this is

a guy I mentioned before. If you've been keeping up, we were off and on. We met in college. We were off and on. So we were like back on and we had just kind of reunited. So, and I was like, I'll bring him on this cruise again, because apparently that's my mantra. Just like going with a trip. It was horrible. It was like the first night was great. We got there. we had fun, we got kind of drunk. And the second day, he just woke up and was like such a, like,

dud. Like, again, like you said, like, get up. Let's go do some shit. You know what I mean? Like, he didn't want to really do anything cool and any of the port stops. Like, it was just like such a dud. And I was like, is this about me? Like, it was brutal. And I like, finally, I think like day three, that's maybe four or five day cruise. Like, by day three, like, I got drunk and like lashed out at him. Like, this fucking sucks. Like, I brought you on this for free. You know what I mean? Like, I think I yelled fuck you at some point. and that's hard to come back from. And then the rest of the trip was the worst thing ever.

You know, you're in the tiniest room. Oh, my gosh, and he's a really, like, I don't know how to describe him. He's not a guy that would ever fight with me. You know, he just was, like, stoic and, like, didn't really talk to me. And, like, I'm trying to figure out what's happening. And, like, are we breaking up? It was, it was horrible. And we got back, we had driven down to, like, Fort Lauderdale where the boats left.

So we get back and we had to drive another nine hours in the car. Oh. It was horrible. It was, like, I couldn't even. I guess we. were just not meant to be back together, but it sucked. Why, okay, why from the beginning did he refuse to get off at the ports and do things? I don't know. What kind of person? He's just, he's actually, he's really like lack of spontaneity always has. I don't know, though. It's like,

we're on this trip, though. This is what we're supposed to be doing. Maybe he just decided he wasn't that into me, like, day two. I don't fucking know. But I've dated a couple people that, like, we'll say to you, like, my ideal trip is sitting in the Bahamas in an all-inclusive resort for nine days. And, like, that's fine for a lot of people. A lot of my friends take trips. like that, it's not the kind of trip that I would probably seek out. And I think that, like, today, when I go on dates with people like that, when they say, like, I would like to go on a cruise ship and, like, I just know we're not going to travel well together.

Yeah. Like, I want to be with somebody that wants to come to Paris and go to every single museum and really be active and take a boat cruise and go out to eat three times a day. And, like, if you don't, if that doesn't, like, get your rocks off, then, like, we probably just can't travel together. Right. And, like, it would be a huge red flag if, like, I met a guy in his ideal. trip is a cruise, just to be completely honest. I would be like, I don't know that we like the same

things in life and want to live the same way. So yeah, broke up on a cruise ship. Do not recommend it. I don't. I don't recommend it. I'll be honest. As much as I'm over here, like take a trip early with somebody, figure it out, don't do a cruise. Because you're in that tiny, you're trapped on the boat. So if you want to go in with somebody that you're unsure about, go somewhere you can get away. Or there's more activities. Yeah. I think it's like you're trapped. You are trapped on a cruise ship and there's nowhere you can go. And those teeny rooms, I mean, the room's not like you could get another hotel.

You know what I mean? Like you're fucking trapped. Right. So maybe not a cruise ship. Maybe a place where you can escape each other for a couple hours. Like you have maybe, apparently. What's your story? We didn't escape each other.

I've been dying to tell you this story. I know. I'm so excited. It was the world's worst trip I've ever taken with anybody. World's worst trip. I did it in paradise. I was dating somebody. and we lived together.

I mean, this was like, we've been together for years at this point. He wasn't the most together person, which was fine. I knew that ahead of time. Throwback to last week's episode. I knew that ahead of time. So I knew that I would have to be the one to, like, you know, pack and make the plans. But I let him book the hotel because I figured, how hard can that be with the internet existing and all? You know.

So the trip just... As you do. So we're going to take a 10-day trip to Puerto Rico and St. Martin, which, I mean, beautiful, beautiful, could not be more wonderful. To start... When they had power. Oh, boy. So sad. Donate to Puerto Rico.

Yeah, guys. Please, take a second. Rather than Ruby O'S this time, donate, but also Ruiz. Okay, keep going. Leading up to the trip was really bad. We were in a cab on the way. He left his cell phone in the cab. We land in Puerto Rico.

It is a monsoon outside. It is raining so hard. You're just like disappointed. He's landed like this. Get off the plane. I let him get our suitcase off of the belt. I don't look at what the suitcase is. Bad, bad idea.

Fuck that up. We go to the hotel, which I have allowed him to book. And it's not really in San Juan. It's like this really disgusting, low-budget hotel on the outskirts of San Juan. And on the way there, we get into some kind of like the car hydroplanes and like we're on the side of the road for a long time. Oh my God. We get to the hotel and I'm just like bummed. I'm annoyed that he's like lost his cell phone and I'm like I'm just going to like figure out a place to eat.

We get on to the hotel, restaurant. It's gross. I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to change. We'll go somewhere else. He's like great. I'm going to go watch. I'm going to read a book on the balcony.

He drops the iPad that I bought him off of the balcony and it shatters. No, he didn't drop the iPad off the balcony. Yes. Is this like, are you being punked? What? I go into the suitcase that I have not bothered to look at because it's pitch black and pouring down rain. And I look at the suitcase. He has grabbed the wrong suitcase.

Oh my God, it's not your suitcase. So I don't have any color. Holy shit. And then like I'm also thinking of the other person whose suitcase that is. Like two trips ruined. Right. Oh. I'm so mad.

I'm so mad at your ex. You're not even with anymore. Even my hot mess of an ex wouldn't do that. All these things happen. I am in the bathroom crying. I'm on top with my mom. I'm sobbing. I'm just so disappointed.

You know, I worked full time then. It's the only days I get off. Yeah. It's set a bad note to the trip. My mom was like, you know what? You can't let men plan things. You know, this feels like your fault. No.

She was like, honey, you're in paradise. Just, you know, put a smile on. ish, mom. We're like on the outskirts of Paradise. She's like, return the suitcase in the morning. You'll have a good trip. Just try to cheer up. I'm like, fine. We go out to dinner. It's sort of fine. We go to sleep. I wake up in the morning and I'm like ready to just have a good day. So I'm going to go to the airport. I'm going to get a new suitcase. We're going to rent a car. We're going to have a car in Puerto Rico. We go to Avis to rent a car and he gets in the front slant of the car, puts the car in reverse, and gets into a car accident.

What? In the parking lot of the Avis. Hits an Avis truck. Is he like, I can't say the R word. Is he, is he, all there? No. Yes, that's what I meant to say. I don't even know how to explain to you how angry I was at this point.

I was like, beside myself. It was, by the way, I had rented the car. Of course, everything's under your name. Everything's under my name. And he got into a car accident in the parking lot. So again, this is like, this is when my ability to try to calm down and have a good trip. I feel like there was other things that happened. I feel like there was a list.

It was like very long. We only have a certain amount of time on this podcast. Right. So the trip, like, was sort of fine. He was on my nerves after 10 days, anybody's on your nerves. So this was day one and two. It gets better. It does.

And then, you know, he's sort of on my nerves by the end. of the trip and more things like this just kept happening, which was like a hard thing about dating somebody that just kind of is like, I don't want to say an airhead that's mean, but like, I don't even know. He just couldn't handle the shit that I needed to get done. The last day of the trip, I get like a really bad sunburn on my lips and we're like bickering all day long and I'm tired and we weren't really having sex on the trip at all. And I don't know.

So I get this summer, we're bickering all day and he's like, I'm just going to take you to like get, I just need some chapstick or something for my love. We pull up to this store to get chapstick, and he probably couldn't wait to get away from me, so he's like, I will get it for you. Just stay in the car and shut up. So I go, he goes to get the chapstick, and he comes back out, and he hands me a tube of chapstick.

My lips are swollen and sunburned. I've had it. He gives me the hard tube of chapstick, not the squeezy kind, the tube of chapstick, and I lost my fucking mind. This was the breaking point of the trip. The tube of chapstick. I'm like so angry the steam is coming out of my ears and he's like what? What is your problem?

I'm like, I don't know. Do you see my lips? Do you think I want to put a hard tube of chapstick on my lips? And at that point, he lost it on me so badly. He was screaming in my face. I pity the person that ends up with you. He was so mad at me. Oh my God.

I was afraid to get out of the car because I thought he would leave me there. It was. Of course, the way he. he tells this story is Raina flipped out on me over chapstick. Doesn't mention the iPad, doesn't mention the suitcase, doesn't mention the car wreck. This is what guys do. They fail to mention all of the things that make you lose your fucking mind and now you're crazy chapstick bitch.

Right. I just try to be sweet and go get her a tube of chapstick. No. I didn't deal with little situations like this for 10 days and I lost my mind. I want. So we came back to the United States when we got engaged about 30 days later. Oh my God, because he's clearly a keeper. Yeah.

So did you take more trips together? Yeah, of course we took more trips together. We were engaged. And he figured it out a little better? No, it was just the same. Always terrible. I don't know. I think that's also an insight into how somebody like handles stress and how somebody like

handle situations and like if you can't book a hotel appropriately. and, you know, it's all these little things. You lose your cell phone, you drop the iPad, you get no cars. And I understand all these things happen. If all of these things happen, I think you need to really think about, can I trust this person to buy a house with me? Yeah. Can I trust them to invest in a car with me? Yeah.

Like all these little things, it didn't make him a bad person. It was just like airheadedness. But it was tough for me to sort of like be in this situation and feel like I'm alone handling this. I couldn't deal with it. Like I need a guy that can pull his work. weight for sure. Yeah. Because I can pull mine, you know, and it's, it's even better if they can take control. But at least we have to be equal partners. I'm a partner. You know, let's lighten it up with some sex talk. Let's talk about hotel sex. Let's talk about hotel sex. I have got to tell you,

I've told Raina this before, one of my exes, we literally refer to San Francisco as San Francisco because we went on a trip there and like didn't even know what the fuck we were doing. The sex was so great. Like, it was just, it's the bed. It's just like the, not your apartment or your house is a different place. It's like you're on vacation, no responsibility. Like, God, vacation sex is so good. You can disrespect the room. You can disrespect the room.

Like, you can do anything you want and someone else has to clean it up. And then you can eat the hotel snacks in bed and make it all, like, crumbed up. And then they'll fucking clean it for you. Someone else has to clean it. Yes, it's so good. It's just like, I was telling right now, I was like, I remember going on vacation with a guy, and like the second we just, like, walked into the house we were staying in it, was just like, pull my skirt up.

Like, you just get, like, so turned on. It's second you walk in, you're just like, oh, yes. Tell me more about that. I don't have to clean this up. Oh. And there's, like, just towels everywhere to wipe the comb. You know what I mean? There is amenities everywhere.

But, like, you know how it is. Like, if you need to, like, wipe bodily fluids off your body, you're always like, where's a towel? The hotel. There's just all the towel. They're soft. Way soft. Just throw it on the floor.

You'll get another cum town tomorrow. It also just brings out the dirtiest side of me. It does. I'm like, who am I? Like, I love hotel, Ashley. Oh my God. I love, like, my sticking together can be on like a business call for work. If I'm in a hotel with them, I will just start giving them a blowjob in the middle of the business call.

Okay? Like, if I'm having like a meeting with somebody, you can just start going down on me. I'll have sex while I'm having the meeting. And there is nothing. sexier than like having sex and then like you're laying there recovering and like the room service cart shows up in the morning like are you kidding right like you do you have an orgasm you roll over and pick up the phone and you're like hi I would like a sandwich and some wine brought to me and in 20 minutes somebody brings food to you I feel like I have the best orgasms and you can

take like balcony picks like overlooking the water I mean yeah I think everybody can agree if you're having bad hotel sex that's your problem I mean if if being in a hotel or doesn't get you like revved up for your partner. I would think about the relationship. Let's back up. A nice hotel room because there is nothing that will make my vagina dry it faster than a fucking Hampton. I don't know.

I had sex at a Hampton in and Dewey Beach with my act. I've had some good sex and some nasty hotels at Dewey Beach. I'll be honest. Yep. Dewey Beach sex. Ciesta Hotel. There's like six of them. Ciesta one.

Fuck. Tore that room apart. And then went to Father's Day brunch. Oh. No. Well, now that Rain and I are in a hotel together with nobody to fuck. On that note. And nothing to eat.

Yeah. God. We're going to get drunk after this. Yeah, we're going to celebrate that we wrap the podcast. But let's play a game first. It's still so early here. We're not going to go live again on Instagram. We'll be back with that next week, we promise.

But I don't know. The Would You Rather was pretty funny. So let's just get in a few of those. Okay. I'm ready. Okay. All right. Be got me.

Okay. Okay. Here we go. Would you rather. Paris edition. All right, hit me. Would you rather come to Paris again or never go to Paris again? No, I'm just kidding.

Play the fifth. Next question. Okay. Would you rather find your parents sex tape or have your parents find your sex tape? I would rather have them find my sex tape. Oh my God, seriously? Yeah, because they have to live with that shame. I don't ever want to live with like the memories of my parents' sex tape.

Fair. Your turn. I actually have a parents question queued up for you for the first question too. Oh my God. Sick. Would you rather your parents walked in on you having sex or you walk in on your parents having sex? This is like the number one would you rather question. I feel like I don't even. Actually, like, you're not that original.

I think, fuck, I don't even know. I would never want them to see me having sex. But I can't. You can never shake that image of them. So you would rather than walk in on you having sex? No, I don't. Option C. Kill yourself.

I'm going to see. I'm going see on this one. Oh my God. It's really normal. Also, here's a thing. It's different if it's your, I would, if my mom walked into me having sex, totally no big deal. Okay. Dad, different story.

If it's between seeing my dad, fuck my mom and having my dad walk in on me, kill myself. Would you rather have sex with a hideous, ugly person or a beautiful, fresh corpse. Oh, hit me with a hard one. I mean, what is the person? I mean, hideous is a different, is different to everybody.

You're the ugliest person you've ever seen in your life or the most beautiful person, but he's dead. Can you get it up? He's still in rigomorice. I think it's a wrecked. I'm probably going dead person. I hear you. Are you fucking the dead person?

Yes, that's a hilarious story. Sorry. Then do you have, is it necrophilia? Is that what it is? Uh-huh. You have to be. No, one of those is having sex with trees. Right.

I think that's dendrophilia. I know all the phylias. I know all the denturia. Your turn. Would you rather lose your glasses in the middle of an orgy and wait there naked for everyone to finish up so that you can find them? Or blow a guy after he put numbing cream on his penis, making your mouth completely numb. So I participate in the orgy and now I'm just having to stand there while everyone finishes.

Yeah, because you can't see anything. You don't know what's happening. You've lost your grass. That's hysterical. I'm doing that. I can just picture myself like arms in the air. Like, where am I feeling around? I don't know. I'm proud of my naked body. I'll do that. Someone just fucked me and I'll stay in there naked. Yeah, that's true. This seems like a mismatched. Would you rather? All right. I have one final. Okay. Would you rather not have sex for a year? or only eat Parisian food for a year. Am I eating the Parisian food in New York? Yes.

But like the food we've had here, not New York's Parisian food, this fucking food we've had here, you only get to eat it for a year. Alleyway sushi. Don't have sex for a year. Oh my God. You don't get to have the sushi. It's the dirty crook this year. It's the Swiss.

I think I'm eating the food and having sex. Okay. I can't imagine, like, not having sex with something. Like, how do you explain it to people that you're dating? Like, do you have to put that in your dating profile? Like, I was playing what I, would you rather, and I lost. So I'm under this weird contract for, like, I could only eat dirty-ass food. But do you have to explain to people you go out to eat with?

You're like, sorry. I just need the kitchen to whip me up a disgusting crockmast. That's the only thing I can eat. Okay, guys, that wraps it up. Merci Bocou for listening to our Parisian episode. Sorry, we shit all over the city. We are excited to head back to the States. We'll be coming to you from New York next week.

When you exit out of here, please remember to subscribe, rate us, and leave a review in the iTunes store. We love reading the reviews. I remember to follow us. Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram and Facebook. Girls underscore Got to Eat on Twitter. Don't bother Snapchating us. We'll never get it. We'll never know how to use it.

Thanks, guys. Have a good week.