Girls Gotta Eat - Letting Go and Loving Yourself

Episode Date: October 11, 2021

We've got a lot going on in this episode -- Rayna's relationship status, Ashley's face, canceled trips, a cringe Hinge moment, recs, PSAs, and more. We're opening up about some things, talking about privacy and boundaries, and discussing amicable breakups vs. blindsides and blow-ups. We hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Feals: Become a member at feals.com/gge and get 40% off your first 3 months + free shipping. Nutrafol: Get $15 off your first month's subscription + free shipping at nutrafol.com with code GGE. Calm: For a limited time, get 40% off a premium subscription at calm.com/gge. Buffy: For $20 off your order, visit buffy.co and enter code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're shooting towards an inevitable end anyways. If you bring nothing up, like one of you is going to bring it up at some point. And like it might be too late at that point. So like you got to like part in the room and shut the door and let them spell. Oh my God. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back. How's it going?

It's cloudy. It is. I'm not going to see the sun again. I'm on TikTok now. I'm going to plug it up top. I was showing up on people's four-you pages. She's been sending me TikTok So I'm like she's out there

I've always been creeping on the talk Like I've been like in there for Over a year Like I love TikTok I just wasn't officially on it Instagram went down for one day I was like bye Like how much of Cheater energy is that

I live for the memes Did you see the one that said like Twitter And there's like a sign outside of a house It says welcome back cheater That's how I felt Like I felt like You're not going to give me attention, I'm going to get it elsewhere.

I felt like it was like all this loyalty, all these years, and one day you're unavailable. And I'm like, I'm going to go start your brand over here. I can't get enough of it. I'm like so, I'm tapped into it. I'm like an addict. I'm like, oh, I've got to get my fill. This one influencer, she posted this like long thing. Like, today was a real reality check

for me. That you need to diversify and things can go away in a moment. No, she was dead serious. And I thought all day, what can I be doing? And for some people, it's very serious. They couldn't reach out to their loved ones and businesses. And I was like, I mean, so extra girl. It was, well, it, it makes you think how Facebook needs to be broken up because some people solely communicate via WhatsApp and like some other

countries. It was pretty nuts. She was talking about Instagram. I know, exactly. And that is such old news at this point. That's like Facebook went down, Instagram down. But I don't know. I just, I'm excited. I'm like really excited to me on TikTok. I've been very well received. Guys go follow me. Same handle. Ash has. So many great like everybody's like they're so mean over there. I'm like, they haven't turned on me yet. Give it time for the 17-year-olds to find your profile. Exactly. Right now, it's just all these great girls got to eat listeners.

I love them so much. Love you guys so much. We love all your support. Thank you. Not all of you. It goes to you. Like, just two of you that I hate this week. The ones of you that are like love and light, spread positivity, and then try to ruin us.

We don't love you. We hate you. You're the fucking worse. Okay. It's always the same. Yeah, we know you are. I do have a little bit of a cold. I'm so annoyed.

She's like me in all of 2018. I just, it's like, we've been going hard. We went out two nights. Super busy. Yes. Went out two nights. I went to bed at four, two nights in a row.

Like, it was a crazy weekend. It was really fun. But like, I don't really roll like that where it's like two nights. Like you just kind of recover. Then you got to get ready for the next night. There's very rarely a weekend where I need two outfits to go out of it. That's what I'm saying.

But I. Not alone. I loved it. I love getting ready. I have like pretty new good fall wardrobe. You look great. You've been improving your look. Oh my God.

Thank you. That means a lot. You really stepped it up. Well, I've been saying I'm wearing jeans. I'm wearing jeans. I hate it. I hate Ashley. I was like, I don't want to sit on that couch.

I don't want to sit on that bar stool. And Ashley's like, just be honest, you hate sitting in jeans. Don't you? And I was like, I hate it. You're not really a gene. I mean, now you're wearing more jeans. But I feel like what happened was you were used to wear skinny jeans,

like when they were popular, which that was a quick shift. It happened overnight where it was like, we can't wear these anymore. So you wore them when they were them. when they were appropriate. And then you didn't make the transition with the rest of us. So we just kind of left you behind. And you just stayed in like leggings, jumpsuits, jeans, shorts. And then you finally have like come out of the shadows and you're like, I'm going to do jeans.

So I'm five feet tall and I am pretty curvy. I have like a nice round ass and I have like nice round tits. And it's like at five feet tall, it's like hard to find a gene. It's like stylish and like baggy enough to be like with the times when you're this height. So I'm trying to incorporate more heels. I'm in my mid-30s. I don't need to wear like a crop top every day, but that is what looks good with it.

I mean, I can understand it being a struggle because I wear a lot of jeans. But when I'm wearing some of these jeans, I'm like, how could anyone even shorter than me wear these? Like my favorite pair recently, I was like anyone even an inch shorter than me would have to get these hemmed.

And then I'm wearing a gene that's like a crop. And I'm like, if someone's shorter than me wore these, they would just be skimming their ankle. Like, it's like I feel, Like, it's weird to feel like, oh, my gosh, I'm the perfect height for all these jeans because growing up my whole life, it was such a struggle. And I felt like jeans were never long enough and I was so self-conscious. They were always high waters. And it was like so embarrassing when your socks would show. And like, I was just a struggle. My like whole childhood and like teen years. And now it's like,

damn, like I can understand where like being shorter would be a struggle. Yeah, it looks sloppier. You don't want to like, you want to like, you want to lengthen your body. So like baggy, straight leg jeans are not like a five foot tall body needs. If you can rock it, go off. I just, it's not me. So it's been harder for me to like be in style. But I'm trying to be more intentional about how I'm dressing and what I wear and I put out a call for a stylist and I found some good people. And so I will always accept help in that realm. And you know, you always look so cute. So I want to look cute too. I mean, it's, I really got my style together just in the last like four to five years. For me, it's like four to five days. Yeah. Well, we are going out on tour this week. We have a big tour coming up. We have a

Minneapolis for two nights, Denver, and then Phoenix for two shows. Minneapolis, as of today, maybe it's like 20 tickets left. Everything else is sold out. Yeah, everything is sold out. There should still be just a handful of tickets left. Probably not anymore in Boston for that second night holiday show. But maybe there's a few left maybe in Chicago and New York for the holiday shows. And then Cancun, if they still have packages or whatever available, we're not sure.

We don't really get all the updates on that. Even though we're so excited, we can't wait to be there. It's going to be like a nice little vacation for us and just to party with all you guys. But yeah, these holiday shows are going to be so epic. At this point, I mean, you should come. You probably got to sit in the nosebleeds, but you got to come. Because we are going to design the show to be for in a huge theater. You know, there's going to be a lot of wild entertainment.

Chicago, man. If you are at the Chicago show, let me tell you, Ryan, for a treat, my dad's going to be there. Oh, my God. My dad, my brother, his wife. My brother's whole, like, trading floor at work. So a lot of, a lot of finance. and finance. Okay. All right. Girls'Gottypodcast.com for those tickets. Get merchandise. We have new merchandise. Sign up for the newsletter where we make announcements first.

And we will be announcing new shows soon. There's one city that we love and I'm not going to put them on blast, but they have been holding us up for weeks. San Francisco. You're shut together. It's not anybody in San Francisco. It's the venue. It's a venue. I wasn't going to say it. It's not having to do with our listeners there. We love you right there. It's probably a live nation. I don't fucking know. We love them too. I don't know.

But we have a lot of winter dates coming up. So if you guys had tickets all around the West Coast, we will announce all those. Waiting. Like waiting. Yeah. DC. We're waiting.

Oh, yeah. We have a DC date. D. All right. Well, we'll let you guys know. We are on it. GirlsGadip Podcast.com for tickets. And then Ashley glazed over it.

She just always lets me talk about it. The merchandise is phenomenal. You guys have got so much of it. We have a whole, my love language is being right, capsule collection. You can see Ashley online wearing the crop hoodie, me and the T-shirt. The black tie-dye jogger set that says GGEE, it's like our number one seller. People weren't crazy for especially the joggers, and I'm wearing them now. I love them.

So check it out, guys. It's Ask GirlsGottypogist.shop. Thank you for all your support. And then we'll be releasing a holiday collection, too. So get the stuff now because we will be eliminating some of it when we release the holiday collection. Someone sent me a cute idea for an Azul sweatshirt. Why? I'm going to say it.

Is it his teeth? It's just his teeth. She was so funny. Her email was like, picture this. Which is like a funny thing. It's very like, hear me out, but picture this. And I was like, girl, she described it. I was like, I like, where your heads at?

She was like, I always have Gigi on the brain. So look out for Azul merch coming someday. I don't know. It's going to be like a thing. We just like blue ball. Everybody, blue ball, Azul ball. Everybody. It means blue.

My little cuties. He's curled up in between us. He's like, do it. He is like a little ball. I know. He's like a little black croissant when he's like all curled up. You know what's so funny because I posted a picture of him last week and people were in the comment saying it's National Black Dog Day.

I was like, what? The plate of Black Dog? It is a thing. You taught me about it. It's to bring awareness to Black dogs, which you didn't know this. But yeah, fully black animals tend to get adopted less. And I actually never, I guess dogs, it makes sense, but I knew that about cats because they just don't photograph as well

and people just don't want them as much. I had no idea and actually like I thought about it. I went by the dog park and talking square and I thought about it and I thought like, it's so sweet that people adopted black animals. Because like I could have, I would have a hard time I'd have a black animal in my home. My furniture's white. Oh true because that too, but it's so funny because

when I remember this moment when we were in the Hamptons this summer and we went to that farm, Amber Waves Farm, which Andrew Collin wears the hat every day. I have a sweatshirt. You got a lot of merch. I love it. And every, dog there was just some doodle designer mix, non-shedding and like all white tan hues.

Like every dog looked the same. No matter how they're big, small, all some sort of doodle mix, all light colored. And every person in every wave looks the same. Yeah, and every person looks the same too. And then there's a zool. He walked by and these people, they did not mean for me to hear it. They go, finally a dog looks different. Some diversity up in this farm. This fucking teeth.

He's this could not be more of a street dog. It is so pretent. That whole place is so pretentious. It was so. Everybody's white and tan designer dogs and Azul's like, so motherfuckers. Okay. Just a couple updates.

Guys, also by the way, this episode, I'm just going to come right out with it. It was going to be something different. We decided to restructure everything. It's chaotic. And I just said, DeRena, like, how do you know you've been doing a podcast for three plus years? You just abandoned your whole format.

Ashley's been staring at the computer, talking to herself going, this is a mess. This is a mess. Actually, also, I keep going, whatever you want to do. Okay, so this is just stuff for you. You know, Ashley, it's the podcast and I don't. So I keep getting, Ashley goes, yeah, I get it.

Like, you've said to me 17 times. I know it's what I want to do. But what happened? I was right. No. Yes, but no, what's the phrase? What's the, what's the phrase we used to always say? I literally don't care.

Raina. You waited me out. You got to learn how to manage up or manage. sideways. And you know, you've got to like just drop it into her brain and let her come to the conclusion on her own. But don't, you got to push lightly. But it does have to benefit me in some way and I did.

We had guests today, but now we're going to push them to next week. Today's going to be just us again. Spoiler alert. They're like, we got it enough last week. But next week we have just the next two weeks are hot. Actually, last week was one of the biggest episodes that we've ever had of all time. So you guys like it. We have

very important life. And we want to give, we want to honor those things. And we're doing an episode by ourselves as we're doing. Yeah. But beforehand, we're going to do some funny stuff. Okay. I have two DMs. Okay. And updates. One, we have not heard about the guy. We have no updates on the guy, little Frankie's guy, ghost guy, whatever you guys want to call him. No, no updates, but we're just going to keep it going because people are still invested and they tell me, please don't stop giving us information, even though I have new information, new theory. This girl said in my DMs and she said, ghost guy theory, hear me out.

he's a CIA agent who got pulled into a super secret operation the next day and had to go undercover and was told not to contact anyone. That is exactly what happened. I don't hate this. I am certain. He's not a murder. He's definitely not married. I feel like this is probably it.

We figured it out. Case is closed. And then this one I thought was so funny. This is not about that. It's something else. I'm just going through my DMs. This girl message to me, she said, So I know someone who is convinced your Marnie from girls,

and she tells people to listen to the podcast and throws in that you're Marnie from girls. I don't think she's ever seen girls, but I love that she's out here standing for you as Marnie. I will take it. But like the character of Marnie or Allison Williams. I think Allison Williams. I mean, Marnie's a character. So she's being like, hey, you know that girl that played Marnie and girls?

She's a podcast called Girls Got to Eat. I think, you know that Alison Williams is like one of those beautiful faces I've ever seen. I know it makes sense. Now it does. And then she said, oh, her. next to him was also. I'm a huge fan. I all. Thank you for helping me laugh through my divorce, which I love that. And then she did

a bunch of flower emojis, which I love somebody that's signature is a flower emoji. Like our sales manager, she's the best. And my mom. And your mom. It's really cute. Yeah. It's not my signature. My signature is more like bitchy. I've been using the matted red heart. You know the matte red heart? Do you know about this?

With the flames? No. There's a matte red heart. It's like undercover. What? I found I started using it. It's a little further down. I'll show you. Oh, it's like not with the other hearts. Is it the like actual heart that's like a beating heart? Like the organ. There it is. It's about the clocks. Oh, okay. It's like a card. It's like a card. Yeah. You know, and it's a matte heart and it's beautiful. Okay. That's my, that's what I've been using recently. Okay. I don't send you. I don't send you

hearts because that would be weird. We do sometimes. Okay. What did you have to tell me? Well, it's just to make you laugh, it's so that you can have a nice moment. So I, for reasons that I will talk about later in this episode, decided I needed to get out of town. I needed like some rest and relaxation. I initially was going to go to the Bahamas. And actually was like, you can't go to the fucking Bahamas by yourself. I just felt like I needed like a release from like being in New York.

I wanted to like wake up and be on the ocean. Yeah. I was like, you can't go to the fucking Bahamas by yourself. I didn't say you can't. You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. She knew that I knew you wouldn't want to go. You would think I have to have to.

all right as traveling. She's done throughout her all her years. She would know what she does and does not want to do. And I am still always like, you're not going to do that. Bella was here for all that. She was like, what is going on? I was like, you're not going to do that. You're not going to do that. You're going to cancel it the week before. Don't even book it. You don't want to do that. It's like Bali all over again. If you guys don't know, right before the pandemic started, we had this whole long trip plan. We did shows Australia and New Zealand. And then I was going to go to Bali by myself for like a week after this trip and I woke up in New Zealand and I was like Ashley I'm going to go home today

and I was like told you so but you got to blame COVID I did get to blame COVID and get it out of the flight even though I knew the truth it was a little bit because of COVID but not really so I used to travel alone very much by myself I've traveled the entire world by myself I mean I've gone to Columbia Vietnam Cambodia Russia like every part of Europe I've traveled extensively by myself, Morocco, like, everywhere. But my life is a little different now and I'm like traveling with girlfriends. My taste changed. So, I mean, people have asked me a lot about like traveling by themselves.

Go on a trip by yourself. It's fucking awesome. I don't want to do that right now. Also, I don't have this like super healthy for me to go be by myself on a trip. So anyways, I decided to not do that. And Ashley was like, just do something. You're like going to like go to Miami. Like that's more manageable, you know, quicker flight, whatever is on an international

trip. So I booked that. And I also canceled that trip. last night. Ashley was just like, you're not going to fucking do this. Like all day yesterday I was like, should I go on the show?

She's like, you don't want to do that. You don't want to go by yourself. Yeah. And so I also, I was like, I'll just have the next four hours. So I canceled that trip.

I have so many refunds on Delta right now. So many credits. Yeah. So you were right. I didn't want to do any of those things. I'm going to try to fucking wake up and be by myself. It's depressing.

Okay. Right now. Right. Yeah. You were right that I did not to do that. What was that? I was kidding. Actually, it's just like, you're not going to do that. You're going to also, like, book a flight home early if you go. And I knew I would. I knew I'd get like, two days into the trip and I'd be like, I don't want to be here. I mean, it's, we joke and

stuff, but I'm telling you sometimes your best friends, like, know what's best for you. I mean, I don't ever want somebody to tell me what to do. But, like, there's been times where you just kind of need the person who knows you most to be like, you're not going to do that. Or to be like, you got to keep that dog. You know what I mean? Like, I just, most, of my life is the right decisions that are right for me, what I feel in my gut, what I feel in my heart and my head. Like, I get it. I feel like I really know myself and trust myself. But there are times when you just, you really do want some, you want people to help you make decisions. This is not that big a deal. You try to decide to take a trip or not. But I just kind of strongly believe that.

Like, I sometimes really want to know what you think or what my brother thinks. And it like may influence my final decision or else I wouldn't ask. Yeah, I think you just need like a mental health check-in sometimes. You know, like, this was a mental health trip for me. And I think that like, being alone right now, being outside of my space is not what I need. And so I think like it was nice for you to be like, no, don't go to a... You weren't telling me, don't travel to a foreign country by yourself. I've done it a million times and I'm very good at it. And I love it. I think you just met like, you're not going to want to do that right now. Don't do that right now. Yeah. So, yeah, I didn't go. I've canceled multiple trips this week. And I'm staying in New York.

I'm glad that you are. What else? I have kind of a like dating story update. It's just a hinge thing. I know you guys. You're like, this pitch stays talking about Hinge and never going on dates. Whatever. Ashley is upholding this entire podcast. She's dating, okay? Listen, all right. No, I just, I think some of these interactions are funny.

This is insane. So this guy, I've kind of been wanting to, like, talk about this because I did, well, okay. This guy, his opener to me, we matched on Hinge, his opener to me was, hi, Ashley, interesting going on a date, just straight out of the gate. Which we loved. Yes, we do. But you said that's the energy I'm looking for. It is the, initially.

Okay, initially, yes. I was like, yes, yes, that's the energy I'm looking for. But that energy is a little, is aggressive the word? It's assertive. Yes. But when permeated into all conversations is too much. So, okay, so when someone sends you a message like that, I think you have to go down that road to see.

Because they could be an aggressive or assertive person all around, which you don't want. Maybe you do. I don't want it. Yeah. And it kind of turned out to be that he was pretty like that. So I was like, I wrote back like, hey, for sure. And he said, perfect, then sends his number, message me. We can figure something out. And then he wrote something funny about like Clemson. And I was like, ha, yeah. And then he responded, well, you have my number if you're down. And I'm like, okay, give me a second. Like, you know, I'm busy. I'm not messaging you knew right this minute or whatever.

So I guess in my, in my perfect world, like I give my, I give someone my number and they text me, but I don't care. I'm happy to send that first text. You gave me your number. I'm not going to be like, no, you take my number. You know what I mean? Like whoever drops the number first, I think the other person can be like, hey, it's me. And so I texted him at like on a Tuesday afternoon. It was like, hey, it's Ashley from Clemson, you know, because he had made a joke about Clemson. He said, hey, how's your day been? I said, it's okay. I'm getting a pedicure right now. And I said you, and he had like, sent me a photo of his office. And he was like, I'm here for another hour or so, and I responded back,

I'm not going to send you feet picks. Because I'm like, you said, I'm not going to send you where I'm at. And send you pictures my feet. You know what I mean? And he said, not my fetish, all good. However, it would be great if you could call me once you're done, then we can plan our date. However, however, glad you're having fun.

However, it would be good if you could call me so we can plan our date. What? Like, he's a vendor. Like he works for us. However, it would be great if you could check in, Ashley. Which also, I know we're like reading this in like a funny tone. that wasn't what turned me off. It was just kind of like,

if you could please give me a call so we can plan this date. Like, you have me text to, now I got to call you. I'm not calling you. 100%. Just text me. I don't know.

Like, I'm not out here trying to like slam every guy for trying because I really do hate that. Like I saw this thing on Instagram that I hated that this guy opened and he said like, he texted this girl like, hi, it's Brian from Hinge, which is like a perfectly acceptable way to text somebody when they give you a number.

You're introducing yourself. And then the next things are like, let's plan this date. And she wrote back like, like okay and and I'm like okay and people were like yes go off queen we're not trying to pen pal yes and like I was like almost every interaction I have is like this and then the next thing you do is you plan a date yeah if he's like if he says what's up next then whatever yes but like people some people the comments were like okay she sounds like a bitch maybe she was

being sarcastic and maybe that had that had been their energy but I was like that's not really something I would recommend is like a tactic unless that feels really natural to you and your personality but however is really what gets me however however however However, so I didn't respond to that. I just felt like, I don't know. I just, these are strangers and I get a weird vibe and I'm not going to call you. I'm not going to pick up the phone and call you. I've texted you.

I'm not going to call you and be like, hi, can we plan our date, please? And then he, the next day, texted. He was like, breakfast, lunch, or early drink today or tomorrow. It's so funny. He gave you every meal period and every drink availability for multiple days. And that was Friday and Saturday. He's like, I'm free. I'm free as a bird.

Just let me know. You want bagels? You want a light salad for the lunch? You want a margarita? You want to go out of rotinis? And I was just like, I'm just not feeling this guy's energy. And then it was a weekend and we had crazy weekend. Too many plans.

So many plans. I felt turned off by it. I just was like, I'm just not feeling a good vibe. And then he did leave me a voice memo. And for us. It was. So, okay, listen, I did hate his voice, but the tone was like so, like, sexy. Like, the tone was like, let's fuck.

It was like he was jerking off while he left. Yeah, the tone. But also, like, he was scolding you. And also, like, he was so weird. Also, it was like, defeatist also. He was like, let me know. Or I don't care, whatever. The way he opened the message was like, it was like, you're so right.

Like, he was jerking off. Like, it was, maybe that's just his voice, but the tone was like, this girl will fuck me and I'm about to fuck her out and find out. Like, it was so like, hey, Ashley, I think we'd have a real good time if we went out. Like, it was so crazy. Like, whatever, you let me know. I couldn't say whatever enough. Body was like full body cringe.

Maybe you should have called him. I love like this whole idea of like sending a voice memo ahead of time. I love it. So props to him for doing. that because maybe he knew his voice was whack as fuck and he was like, I got to hear this voice. Maybe that's why he wanted me to call him because maybe, you know, let's give him some respect words do. Maybe he's like, girls keep dumping me because of my voice. So I'm trying to get ahead of this. No, but again, like, I don't think he did anything wrong. So what I don't want to do is

be out here shaming people for trying to set up plans because I feel like a lot of times you see women shame men either way. It's like kind of, I'm not, you know, I'm not. You know, I'm not. You know, not a male apologist, but like, it's, he didn't go, he didn't, he wasn't assertive enough. Oh, he wanted to pen pal. You know what I mean? Like, I think it can be a very like, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. So that's what I don't want to do. I really don't think he did anything wrong. I just felt a bad vibe. I was turned off and then the voice memo just sent me over the end. I think offering every single meal period over multiple days is where somebody goes wrong. Okay, we can make fun of that. It's lighthearted. I'm just teasing him.

But like, yeah, I think we can all agree that like being like breakfast, lunch, dinner and early drinks over the next multiple days is not how you lead. Yes, and I'm always down if I felt like I really like this person's profile and felt an energy coming through their profile that I know things can get lost in translation. So if I really felt like I was like, I was really interested in this person, maybe he's not the best on text, maybe I'll see it through and just find out for myself. But I felt like it was very like, you text me, then you call me, you come to me. That was kind of a weird thing.

Here's my number. Text me if you're down. Call me so we can plan the date. It just, I didn't love the energy. and I felt a little weird about it and I think you should trust your gut and that kind of stuff. Yep, I agree.

You know, just try, do what you can on dating apps if you feel a weird energy and trust your gut, that's all. I have wrecks after the break for you. Wild. I have a wreck and I have sort of like an anti-wrack. So I'll start with the anti-wrack.

I was disappointed. So The Sopranos is my most favorite show of all time ever. And there's a Sopranos movie called The Many Saints of Newark that came out on HBO Max and in theaters. I was like so excited. This really is my favorite.

show of all time ever. It focuses on Dickie Maltesante, who was Christopher Maltesante's father. I just, I don't know. I felt like... You saw the movie? Yeah, I saw the movie. Oh. I'm a little... I was just a little odd animal distracted this week, so like I would go back and watch it. I just had like such high hopes. I also realize, again, this is one of the greatest shows of all time and a lot of people's favorite shows, so it'd be very hard to match that. It is supposed to be about how like Tony Sopranos sort of

became Tony Soprano. It's like a prequel? It's a prequel. It's really, what's really amazing is James Gandalfini, the person who plays Tony Soprano, his son, his real son in real life plays a young Tony Soprano. I love when they do that. It's like straight out of Compton. It's really great. Yes. So that was really cool. I thought it was like one of those movies were like, nothing happens. Like the first 45 minutes in the movie, you're like, what's going on here? And you sort of like see where the plot's going. And then it just sort of ends. You're like, I don't care about those. So I was a little disappointed, but I will rewatch it. I was a little distracted. I mean, it's worth checking out again. If it's, you know, your favorite show of all time too. My positive rack is also in the HBO Max rack. It's called

The Way Down. A lot of you guys recommended this to me. What? It's a first I'm hearing of this. Are you? Okay. It's a three-part docu-series on HBO. It's about this religious cult. A lot of you recommended this to me. It's this woman Gwen Shamblin and she had this program called The Way Down, the W-E-I-G-H-W-A, the Way down.

Weight-Loss thing? Like how to lose weight through Jesus and how to like put down the food and pick up Christ, basically. And, and And this is based in Tennessee. And it's a church. It's small. I mean, a couple thousand people. But ultimately, like, what, it's a lot about, like, controlling their members, a lot

about discipline. One of the members did die because they'd beaten their child to death, essentially. And it's about, like, disciplined children. And I'm not 100% sure, but during the making of this documentary, Gwen Shamblin, the head of this cult thing and her husband died in a tragic plane crash. in May of 2021. So in the middle of making this. So they start the documentary series off with that.

So it's really like a pretty current story. It's a very, very current church slash cult in Tennessee. And it's really interesting three-part series. I would check it out. It's on HBO Max. And a lot of you recommended it to me. And like Ashley and I always say, we're all part of the bell curve.

If you guys like something, we probably will too. Right. Exactly. That's so funny because like no one recommended it to me. You know what I mean? Like that's very you. Like people sometimes say that we should watch the same

thing, but like you're the cult doc, girl. It's docu series about calls. Yeah, it's more Raina's friend. Someone wrote on my TikTok. Can you get Raina's friend? Is she going to come on here? That's so funny. Raidsts friend.

I was like, okay, I get it. You're like Rayna's March. It says more Ashley's friend, more Raina's friend. We don't want to see those sales. We'll sell the, we'll sell the M. We'll sell it as a side. Two-sided mug. Yeah, we'll sell it as a set.

So you can hold it up. The, whatever you're feeling that day. More rainist friend. That is so funny. Okay. Someone said they would have merch that said like they're more my friends. We've been thinking about it. I like it. I like the idea. I like the idea. So, um, yes, check that out the way down. And the whole thing is

fucking nuts. This whole idea of like losing weight through Christ. It's bananas. Oh my gosh. Like Jesus. He was really skinny. Like, you don't need to fill yourself up with carbs. You can fill yourself up with the love of Christ. It's such bullshit. Wow. Okay. And it's so like not. It's so like not. It's so. mentally, like, abusive. I mean, it's crazy. So, yeah, it's fucking nuts. Wow. Okay, well, Squid Game is taking over the nation. Have you watched? I haven't watched it. So I feel like we're going to love it. Again, we're all the same. We're all fucking basic. We'll probably love it.

I just haven't started it yet. I have plans to, but what happened was that I went to watch it last Sunday. Like, we had a crazy weekend. I was a little hungover. And I had, like, time to, like, waste on, on a Sunday, which is just amazing. I wish it wasn't sunny. I wish it wasn't that was the only problem. I shot all my blinds. We were on our deathbed. I was on my deathbed on Sunday. Yeah.

So I wish it was cloudy like it was today. But it wasn't. So I just shot all my blinds. I was like, let's go. So I went in to go watch Squid Game and surprise new season of sex education, which is one of the best feelings when you don't know. When the season's coming out, I just didn't know. And when you end the prior season, you're like, it's going to be forever until the fall. You know what I mean?

And then it just pops up. So at this point that we're recording, I've watched, I think there's eight episodes in season three. They're all an hour and I've watched six of them. I love this show so much. I've talked about before, so I don't really need to re-wreck it. But it's about these high schoolers and their school is like just kind of sex crazed in like a good way. A lot of like sex positivity, a lot of queer relationships, just a lot, they touch on a lot of topics. And the new like head teacher, headmaster that's coming into the school is Jess,

from girls, which as Marnie from girls, I worked with Jessa really closely. And it took me a second. I was like, what? And she comes in is like, well, her character takes a turn. And I think I'm going to find out a little bit more towards the end. Anyway, I love this show so much. I have never felt like it had a bum episode or like a bum season. Like it didn't have a second season slump.

I've loved every episode of the first second season and now the third. They're focusing more on the mom, who's the therapist. and her relationship, she's pregnant and kind of how maybe she might need to co-parent. I just love it so much. And that is my rec, season three of sex education. And then there is a show coming out. I was watching Bachelor in Paradise last night, which just ended and I saw previews for this show. It's called Queens.

Have you seen this? Oh, my God. If you know me, you're like, this is your dream show. So it's brand new. It's coming out on October 19th. And I think it's ABC, which kind of bums me out because it might have to be a little clean. Like, I wish it was like a Netflix show. But they say it's going to stream on Hulu.

but it's an ABC show and it's like a girl group. Eve is in it and Brandy is in it. Get the fucking. I've been on a brandy kick lately. I've been playing Brandy a lot. What am we not on Brandy kick? Right. They're like a girl group, a foursome I believe, that broke up

and they like reunite and they get back together like in their 40s and they're going to like go back out and like try to regain their popularity for what I've seen. I cannot wait. Brandy Eve. I'm like a stand of both of them. At the beginning of any Eve song, I will get on the dance.

I hear the beginning of tambourine. I can be like on my deathbed. I'm telling you, Raina, when I'm dying and I'm on my deathbed, if you outlive me and you're there, put on tambourine and see what happens. She will come back to life. Ashley always says like if her engagement is fucked up, it's my fault. So I feel like now of her funeral is fucked up. It's my fault.

If I die, it's your fault. Because if I'm dying and I still have my hearing and I hear, you got to shake your ass, I will get up out of the casket, shake a tambourine. Like I will just say out of the casket. Do you ever see that meme that was like, don't let me lay down in the casket, prop me up, like a mannequin? No.

Is that so funny? You're propped up like a mannequin just standing there. Hang it out. Like, so you can be a part of it. That is so funny. All right. Well, we're going to do a little vibe shift. A vibe change.

Yeah. I feel nervous. I just, I always like to be honest with you guys about what's going on with me. and I just, I don't want to pretend something didn't happen that did, so I just wanted to tell you guys that Kane and I did break up and I'm okay. You know, I've had bad days and good days, but we did break up and I don't, I'm going to do anything wrong. I don't have anything bad to say about him.

You know, I really love Kane and I loved our time together. And sometimes I think being an adult just means looking at a relationship and saying, I just don't think we want the same things in life and being able to walk away from it. And I do this podcast every week and talk about our lives. And we've been open with you about this relationship and the start of it and how great it was. And so, you know, I just wanted to tell you guys

and be honest about it. Of course, I told him I was going to talk about this and I told him how I was going to talk about this. And I don't know. Maybe in the future I will speak more on it. You know, we had a wonderful relationship and I really love him and respect him. And again, he didn't do anything wrong. I just think that we want different things in life. And I think as you grow up and get older, it just, you have to make those kind of decisions. And those are really

tough to make. And I think it's probably really tough for me and for a lot of people to feel like you found this person in a sea of people that are shitty and goes to you and cheat on you and lie and somebody that really was wonderful to you and you had a good time with that's a kind, wonderful person and that maybe that's just not enough. And, you know, that's where we sort of find ourselves. I don't, again, have anything bad to say about him. He's a wonderful person. I support him. I love him very much. I like wish him the best. If you guys follow him or support his comedy, please continue to do so. And of course, I told him I was going to talk about this this week. And he was like, great, I'm going to say the same. I'm going to say that I love you and people should

support my comedy and thank you so. Yeah. No, yeah. I mean, I loved him. Someone said something, like someone I was telling that you guys had broken up like a mutual friend. They were like, well, you know, I know you really had a relationship with him too. I was like, I'm okay. It's very, it's, but it's like, but everybody's cool. Like, you know what I mean? Like this wasn't a bad, like negative thing. We don't just like follow him or not talk to him or whatever. I say we like it was a joy breakup. But I mean, if I hate somebody, Ashley hates him. Yeah, it's like we can't stress it enough that this. was amicable. And, you know, it was just really weird timing with the episode last week. And

you were not broken up with him last week. We weren't recording an episode about everybody breaking up while you were like hiding the fact that you were broken up. Obviously, the writing was on the wall at that point, clearly. Nobody was like totally blindsided here on either side. But you hadn't chatted with him yet. So when we recorded it. So it was just kind of a weird timing. I just don't want our listeners being whatever. Also, we can do whatever we want and share whatever we want, whatever we want. But, you know, we do like to be open and honest. And that was just like, it was bizarre, though, because it fit with what we were talking about. And I mean, there is, of course, so many different layers. You're not blaming your relationship on Mercury and retrograde,

but it was just kind of like, I don't know what else to say. It was weird timing. Yeah. I feel like I'll have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a good day. Today's not a great day, you know, but the thing that, like, helped me the most, to be honest, was just like, I had a million friends check in on me. I've had so many friends just be like, how are you feeling my dad, my family? And, you know, I just, it's important to have people that love you and that can have fun with you and drink with you about it and give you a hug and give you insights and perspective. And I'm, I'm very glad that I have that. And that's it. I mean, I don't know that I'll ever have much more to say about it than that. And I just, obviously, we're going on on tour this week and we'll

talk about it at the shows and we'll talk about it on the podcast if it comes up. But that's it. That's what's going on, guys. And thanks for letting me share my life with you guys and my relationship. And that's it. You know, if I can speak on it for a moment, I just do feel like this happened in a very mature adult way between two people who are of a certain age, not saying that you can't act like this when you're a lot younger, but that kind of know who they are and as sad as it was and there's a lot a love there, like, both realized whether one person maybe realized a little bit more. But I mean, just kind of both realize that this wasn't like the right match and the right partner. And I think a lot of people will drag out relationships even though they know deep down that that's that it's not right

or that you don't want to live the same type of life. You know, and I think you guys just kind of like, I don't know the word that's, I don't want to sound insensitive. Like what's what's, I don't know the metaphor I'm looking for like cut cut the cord or whatever like before. Like before. it went down that road and you did have a messier, more resentful breakup between the two of you. You know what I mean? Like, you realize things, he realized things. You guys really gave it your all and it was kind of like this isn't going to work. So as much as we still make each other laugh, like we would, you know, still find each other

attractive and like each other, even love each other. Like, this isn't the right time. And it's really, it can be really heartbreaking. A lot of people don't do it when they should is what I'm trying to say. For sure. And I mean, Ashley and I have talked privately about this. stand on the show, you know, everybody's goals are different. You know, if you really, if you have children with somebody, it's different. If you're married, it's different. If you want to

have kids with somebody, it's different. You know, I don't have those goals. So, I have the luxury of being able to walk away from something, you know, at a different time in my life. Yeah. I mean, you're kind of in a position where you have this wonderful life. You don't need a man. And whether you decide to have children or not, you're veering towards mostly that you don't. I obviously do not. I refuse. But no. Like, people cling on to really just for that reason too. You know what I mean? I mean, I feel for women that are of a certain age just physically and they want children so badly and they might be blinded by that a little bit. Or they get a lot more lonely than you do or they don't have the thriving career and family

and friends that you and I are so lucky to have where they really do feel such an attachment to somebody that might not be the right match for them. And I mean, you have the luxury of not having that because of the life that you built for yourself and because you want out of life. but I mean, yeah, we talked about that at length of like, what if you were desperate to have children? You know what I mean? And you were like, but this guy's great. You know what I'm saying?

And like, at this, I just, I don't want to, I'm tiptoeing because I just think Kane is so wonderful. Obviously, as it, as this progressed, I realize he wasn't the person for you as everybody else did. You and him, I mean, but like, it's just kind of, I think the world of him. So you guys just wanted different things. And I mean, I think about a past partner that I had where like,

I just loved him so much. I was so in love with him. And for a delusional moment in time that I think I've talked about on the show, I thought we were going to move to New York together. And I swear there was just that nagging feeling in my gut of like, it's never going to work. That's never going to work.

We're never going to move to work. We're never going to move to work. He's not going to go. And of course, something terrible happened. And we broke up for, quote, unquote, for good. We, of course, got out together. And then we clearly never moved to New York together. But like, I wouldn't have continued that relationship

in this day and age, knowing what I know now. It wasn't, you know, decades ago. It was just before I moved here. But I have more information. I know myself more. I know the kind of partner I want to be with. I know what I want out of life. And I know that as cynical as it may sound,

love does not necessarily conquer all. And like if you really don't want the same type of life as somebody you don't see yourself both living in New York in our case or whatever, it may not work. Because I wasn't willing to live the type of life he wanted to. And, you know, I felt like, back in those days, it was a little more, like, we can make it work because we love each other.

And nobody has this kind of bond that we have. And I probably wouldn't have felt those feelings and thought those thoughts now. Yeah. And I totally understand feeling like you want to move mountains for, I think love is rare. You know, it's really hard to find somebody, especially in major cities where everybody has this attitude of like,

like you're disposable because I'll just find another great person. You know, it's really tough to walk away from that. I would try to move mountains for somebody that I was really in love with, but you can also like realize the mountain that you're up against and be like, I can't move this, you know? And like, you are a great person.

I'm not talking about Canada, I'm just talking in general. Like, you can realize, like, there's things I just can't change and I'm not going to try to change you. Like, I'm not going to try to change you as a person and force you into a life that you don't want to have or to be a person that you're not.

And I'm just saying in general, I think that that's, that would have been my notion. You know, I was engaged to somebody and probably try to make him be a different person, and I thought, like, maybe he'll just come around or maybe he'll grow up and be different, want different things, he didn't. And he married somebody that was better for him.

And I wanted certain ways for him to be that he was never going to fucking be. And he deserves to go be with somebody that doesn't expect those things. And I deserve to be with somebody that just is those things. Yeah, and you always just say, like, trying to put a square peg into a round hole.

Like, it's, if you really do keep trying to make things work that, like, aren't really supposed to work, you will eventually break up anyway and it'll be really bad. You know what I mean? Because you will have both, like kind of starts to like resent each other over time. Again, we're just speaking in a broad scope, but like people really sometimes, and especially when you're younger, it's easier to be like, this will change, this personal change, we'll make it work. And the more you try and like bang your head against the wall and just like push, push, push, this thing that really is not naturally happening the worst it's going to get. So I don't know. I'm all for, I'm not saying,

the second the going gets tough, you give up. And I think that what you guys did was really great in terms of having a lot of these conversations. You know, like it happened fast, I guess, in a way, but like you were having these conversations that were deep and heavy and lengthy with each other of like, I'm not happy with this or I'm not happy with this, which is like, not what everybody does. And that's how people get blindsided. Yeah. And one of my best friends, I mean, she's your friend too, but she's more my friend. She's more your friend. Somebody, like her very serious long-term boyfriend

that she was living with, basically, like, I literally woke up one morning and was like, I have to tell you something. I'm not in love with you and I don't want to be with you. And like, she was like, what the fuck? Like, and it has fucked her up for like a long time. And I really feel for her that she like never got her answers, never got her reasons.

And like, that is a really cruel thing to do to a person and to not trust that your partner can have. handle it and that they're not mature enough to understand like emotional depth is like really unfair. And so like if you are feeling a certain kind of way, like I would encourage anybody to like talk about that. And yeah, I feel like I'm really proud that we had these like really heavy conversations. Nobody blindsided the other person. And we'll probably continue to have some conversations as like the relationship is over. But you know, I don't think he'll be out of my life forever. But, you know, I neither one of us was like, what the literal fuck? And like honestly, like when one,

One of us was like, I'm not happy, and the other person was like, oh, my God, me too. It felt great to be on the same page. It felt like I wasn't, like, alone in this, not that he made me unhappy, but like, this anxiety, you know? It's nice for the other person to be like, oh, my God, me too, you know? And listen, it didn't work out for you two. But there are so many relationships and instances in which one party says, I'm not happy, and you work through it together and you stay together. I think people are terrified to say something that feels like the relationship isn't going well or the relationship's over.

It doesn't mean that at all. Like there's so many people. Talk to ask your friends or married or in long-term relationships that really are communicative with each other. If they've gone to their partner and been like, I'm not really happy. They probably have. And then the other partner may have been like you and been like, oh, thank God you said something. Let's figure this out together.

And in your terms, it just was just so happened that it was bigger than that. You know what I mean? And it wasn't able to move the mountains, so to speak. speak, but like, I think sometimes people are so scared to do that. I think of that guy of our friend, more your friend's, like, ex, of like him, what he was in therapy. He was trying to work through this without letting her know. So he was thought he was doing some work, but she didn't know. And, you know, maybe she is, we all have flaws and things we could work on. Maybe she could have known more. It doesn't matter. He didn't say it. So whether his, you know, whether his actions or,

again, action speak a lot of words, but not always. You know, if you're not happy with something, tell your partner because how else are they supposed to work on it with you? Because, again, it's the keyword relationships. It's like a two-person thing or three if you're in whatever, like four or five, whatever kind of relationship we have going on. But like what is the point of not bringing it up than then thinking it'll magically fix itself if it's really something that is something that you need the other person to get in on? Yeah.

And listen, I'm not perfect. Like I think that honestly like Kane pushed me to communicate a lot more than I'm even comfortable with. and that's a good thing. And it helped me to not be so afraid to share and be vulnerable with somebody. But like, it's important to let people know you. And like what's the alternative, I guess?

You know, it's just like internalize it, be pissed off, don't say anything. And the person still knows you're fucking upset. And then like what? What happens is what happened with my girlfriend, which is that like her boyfriend had already decided that relationship was over. And he was done with it and he mourned it.

And he was completely out the door. And so all he had to do was just check the final box of being like, I'm leaving goodbye. And like how unfair is that to a person that's in love with you that's just like going to stand in this apartment and be like, what the fuck just happened? Yeah. And there are situations like we say before where somebody just realizes that you are not the one for them. And there's not a lot more to it than that. Sometimes it could give you all the reasons, but it would hurt your feelings.

You know what I mean? And sometimes we've talked to this before. Like you don't always need closure. Sometimes it's just you're not the one. We did a whole episode called you're not the one. So I think that there's that too. But I do feel like if you are, you know, living with somebody, really serious with somebody, and you are not happy, you kind of should bring it up.

At least give them a chance to speak on it. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. And maybe it is things that you can, like, work on. I mean, I'm not putting her on blast for anything that she hasn't already spoken about publicly. She has a public Instagram.

She's talked about it. But, you know, the things he said to her, I think, had he fired a warning shot, she could have assessed, okay, I'm willing to work on this. where I'm not. He decided the relationship was over and left her, you know? And I don't, that's not fair to people that love you and have been kind to you. Right. So talk about it. Yeah. And at a point in time, you and Kane did see like a future. Like you could see yourself heading up with him. So of course you guys tried to work on this together. You don't just throw it away in the trash. Yeah. Because I think there are like, like I said, situations where you're like,

man, I don't know what to say. Just that is not my person and I fucking live with them. I got to, but I mean, I just, I don't think that's, I think what is the harm in communicating with somebody because I just, the more you can avoid blindsiding someone that you care about or you really cared about at a moment in time, the better. It's so interesting because like Jared for 80s, this is this example, you know he was going to come up in this episode about like farting in a room and then shutting the door. And he was like, like, you're going to fart. I said this analogy, but he was, I get, it's just, that's not it.

I'm so glad we're laughing. So he, okay, so what I'm getting at is you will come to the same inevitable end, right? So like if you like don't bring something up and you are so mad that you end up just leaving a person because you've already checked out of the relationship and you've blindsided them and you leave or like you bring it up and then they can't believe it and they can't have this conversation and then they leave you like I think what people are worried about is that somebody's going to leave them, right? Because they expressed a feeling, they expressed that they're unhappy and it's like you're shooting towards an inevitable end anyways.

is if you bring nothing up, like one of you is going to bring it up at some point. And like it might be too late at that point. So like, you got to like fart in the room and shut the door and let them spell it. Oh my God. Listen, we're sorry, Jared.

We know that's not the way that that analogy is supposed to go. But I feel like it brings you to another point about farting. In which I just farted. No. In which you and Kane were able to have this amicable, albeit sad breakup in which you still have good, nice feelings and things to say about each other because you didn't hold all this stuff in and then one day be like, we're breaking up, get the fuck out. You know what I mean? That would have been

really mean. And you would have been like, but I've been feeling this way for a month now. And he would have been like, yeah, how was I supposed to know? Or vice versa. You know what I mean? Yeah, people are my readers. He, he, everything was going along like everything was fine and then all of a sudden was like, I'm out and this relationship is over. You would have been so heartbroken and just like furious that someone could have the audacity to do that to you. So this is how you get to this place that you and him are at. Again, you're both mature, kind people to start with, but like the way it was handled, the level of communication of every step along the way of like, I'm not happy. Can we fix this? We can try. Okay. Not happy again. Like,

you know what I mean? Like, it kind of brought you to this really healthy point. Yeah. And I think so many people like, like my friend, like, I think that like if her man would have said to her like, I'm not happy here's XYZ reason and like respected her throughout this and respected her through the breakup, it wouldn't have fucked her up long term because she would have felt like she got respect. She would have had answers. So many of these things is just about your ego being really bruised and being like, I can't get the answers I need.

And like what the fuck happened here? And how didn't I see this before? And like why wasn't I asking questions? And like it makes you feel so shitty about yourself. You know? And it's like to rob somebody of that is so of like some kind of like peace of mind and respect is like so unfair. Yeah.

And a lot of times the thing that, the reason why you're unhappy and the reason maybe why you really actually don't think that person is a long-term match. Again, I just said, like, you can, two people can tell each other they're unhappy and they can stay together forever. That was just like a blip on the radar. They had stuff they had to work through. Every couple of us do like a fucking temperature check. But if it's something that you, like, let's say that he just hated this thing about her and he was like, this is, this is not working for me. I'm not happy in this relationship because X, Y, Z. If it's really who she is as a person, she's not going to be able to fix it and they're going to break up anyway.

but at least she would have had a heads up. If it's who they are at the core, they can't trick you. Not at this point. Also, when you've been together for a long-ass time, you live together, you're super serious. You know what I mean? Like, what's the harm in communicating to someone as opposed to just, like, ditching them one day

and, like, leaving them confused for a fucking long time. Yeah, and also you should give other adults the opportunity to be like, yeah, that is what I'm like. And no, I'm not going to change it. Like, that feels good, too. Right. You know? Yeah.

I just, I don't know, I feel for anybody that's been like crazy buying and we get a lot of emails about it. And like, I don't know how to like manage these feelings. And I feel for those people because it, it will fuck you up long term. So in order to just like feel a little bit more like mentally stable, like something that I did, I mean, obviously I'm low. I'm sad. But, you know, I started, I just opened a word doc on my computer and I just started like free association just like writing and like writing everything I was thinking and feeling the good stuff, the bad stuff. And that helped me to work out my feelings and think, no, I didn't make like a pros and cons list. about him. I don't have to do that, but that just helped me to, you know, just work out how

I was feeling how I was feeling how I was it in the future? And I can read, how was I feeling? Was this fair? Was this valid? And I have that forever now. And it helped me to work out what I was going to say. And it put me in a better mental state than I would have been probably for your memoir one day. Called You're Not the One by Raina Greenberg. Listen, hear me out. What? It's a good title. I already have a title and it's called, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Well, that's my now. Don't steal it. That's my book is going to be called. I think it's going to be called. You're not the one.

But that's just me. That's your book title. We'll see if I'm right. That's your book title now. Well, to lighten the mood, I want to read you something that a listener sent us and made me laugh really hard. I told Ashley and I actually sent it to Kane too. So it was the day after we broke up.

And I got an email to our joint email address. It said, attention, Raina Holloway. That's Kane's last name. Hello ladies. I had a dream last night. The Rain and Kane got married behind everyone's back. That's all I've got to share with you, love. And then she said her name. Rainer from me that email.

I was like, so actually what happened? Was not quite that scenario. Yeah. It was there. That was a real shot to the heart. But it made me laugh just late in the moon. I did send it to Kane. We had a sad laugh about it. So thank you for sharing your dream.

I did the exact opposite of that. And I appreciate. you. But you and I, to like lighten it up even further, we had like, I got raining back. I'm kidding. My plan worked. I'm just kidding. Ashley and I were back together. She's my premium partner. Yeah. But we had a beautiful lady day where we went to the mall and the cheesecake factory. We've had one of our best days in a while. Ever, maybe. We got to live out all these dreams. So we did go to Short Hills, New Jersey, last Friday, and we went to, I'll tell you why we were there,

but we went to the mall. We've been dying to go to that mall. I'm obsessed with the malls. We talked to this a little bit on the podcast. I think maybe we went to Mall of America. My whole life I've been obsessed with malls. Like just I had Mall madness as a kid. Like all I ever wanted to do was hang out at the mall.

And I feel like we don't get to experience that in New York. Also, malls are changing. They're not as popular as they used to be. So I love a good mall, had the best time. And you love the Cheesecake Factory. I was my favorite restaurant in America. So we went to the mall. I went, I bought clothes at Abercrombie. I bought a gene called the 90s gene. I'm like, this is the most surreal experience to be trying on a 90s gene in the place where I would wear jeans in the 90s. Like when I was trying on jeans in the 90s. It's all we talked about at the mall guys. I was like, the only thing I can make this experience better is if they're playing 90s music, which I think they should look into Abercrombie hear me out. Like a hot guy let me in the dressing room. I was like, this is my teenage life. They're not spraying enough cologne. They're not a clone and they're not objectifying men. I was like, this is my teenage life. They're not spraying. I'm not. They're not a clone. And they're not objectifying men. the way they used to. You remember just in high school, you walk around.

There'd be men with no shirts on standing outside of that place all the time. You're right. The cologne wasn't like it didn't just knock you out. I didn't smell it at all. Yeah. I don't mean they're probably not doing it. But we had a great time. Went to the Cheesecake Factory. And we went there to go see Dr. Ofcinski, who we've talked about before in the podcast. He's our face guy. He does our Botox and fillers. I just went and got a little bit of Botox. We talked about it before. He's wonderful. He's really incredible. And he's a surgeon. So, you know, he'll do little things on us because, you know, we're like

VIPs. but he mostly is a surgeon and he is just known for rhinoplasty, which actually he did mine a few months back. And I mean, I realize that I have not discussed this in the podcast, even though I talk about it with literally anyone who will listen, friends, family, any stranger at brunch, I cannot talk about my nose enough,

but I haven't really addressed it on the show. So I'm happy to do it. I know a lot of you guys already know this, and I've gotten some really nice messages about it, so I do appreciate that. but I don't know. You know, while we're here, I want to tell you how I feel about it, but I'm feeling a little spicy today, and I just want to say that, like,

I have seen some commentary from a few people in the last few months. Not a lot, just minimal people that are like, is Ashley going to talk about this or is Ashley going to address this? And it's like, I don't know. I feel like if you're a person who thinks the public figure owes you information about what they do to their body or their face or their personal lives or whatever, and you demand this publicly, like you're kind of the worst. And I just think you guys are better than that. And most of you are amazing. But, you know, it's really not something that I feel like affects me. Again, it was very minimal. I just saw a little bit of this online. And I think our audience is incredible for the most part. But I just think while we're here, kind of a PSA in general, with anyone. Like, it's, it's delusional and it's really entitled to think that people owe you this type of information. And especially if you are open about your life. Like, it's very like you gave me an end. And it's very like you gave me an end. but I want a mile mentality.

And it's very weird and it's very toxic. And I just had to throw that PSA out there into the day. Because again, this was like a few comments here and there, but I see it all the time in the internet. And the more we can kind of like actually tell people to reconsider their actions on the internet, I think maybe we could like, you know, make a small amount of change. And, you know,

I think that lying about stuff is different. People showing up with a giant new ass and being like, I did squats and buy my workout routine is very different. If I was selling nose contour kits, it'd be very different. And being like, I didn't get any work done. Like, you know what I mean? This is natural. Look at my nose.

Buy my contour kit. It's funny. Because I watched Legally Blonde on Saturday mornings. I couldn't get out of bed. Yeah. Like, you know, Brooke got liposuction. Oh, the whole standby. Yes.

I was wondering why you brought that up. So, you know, Raina and I were opening on us about our lives. I mean, Raina just went through his breakup. She's telling you guys about it. You know, I did not just get this done. But I'm telling you got to know. I've just been procrastinating, honestly, but I don't know. I felt the need to say that today.

Just don't think that anyone owes you a running list of everything they do, especially women and what they choose to do to their body and their face. No one's lying about this stuff. I'm not. Well, people are. I'm not. We're open with you guys. We want to continue to be,

just don't be those people. You know what I mean? Because we're good. Again, this doesn't affect me in a major way, but let's say other people that get this at a way higher level, they'll stop sharing stuff. And it's what makes people really want to not be open is when people start demanding it and like you owe us this information and you better it's like man I don't know you're the

worst so think about it um I don't know how much I have to say I was just going to keep this kind of short I mean this was a decision that I have always kind of thought about in my life like should I get a no's job no I'm not going to you know I think I've said both things probably on this podcast in the history the last three years like oh I would never get a no job oh maybe I should get you know I just think I've always kind of like wavered and um you know I've changed my mind here and there because we're humans and that's what we do. but I just decided to do it. I make decisions quickly sometimes.

Rain is always like, well, what are we doing today? That's going to be a wild change. And I originally went to see Dr. Ocinski not with this intention. And just curiosity, we did a little like rendering thing. And I was like, say less. No, I went home and I thought about it. And then I was like, I think I'm going to do this. And they were like, can you literally do it next week?

It was just kind of quick. And I'm glad I did it. I am so happy. I couldn't be more happy. I think he is like a truly a genius. I'm obsessed with my nose and my face and just, I mean, I think he's just the best of what he does. And I don't know that I'd say I'm like more confident or like I love my looks more. I guess I do.

But I mean, I think that you guys know if you listen to show like I was confident before and I had loved myself before. And we we always say, do what you want, you know, get a new face if you want. But I certainly didn't want a new face. My fear was that I wouldn't look like myself. You know what I mean? Which people are probably like, you should. But like I just didn't want to look that different. I wanted like a minor improvement.

I didn't want a new face. I wanted to still look like Ashley Heseltine. And I think I look better. I know that I do. You know what I mean? Like I'm really happy about it. I keep putting to say proud, but I'm like, I didn't do anything. I just dropped a check.

But like I did. I had a moment where I was at brunch with some friends and maybe like a month or so post-op. and this cute guy showed up, and I didn't know him. Like, he was, like, one of their friends who I hadn't met before, and he, like, sat to my side. And I just thought to myself, like, I felt so much more comfortable having someone sit at the side of me because of my profile. And that's not that someone before this would have sat down and I would have been like, oh, my God, they're going to see my side. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I owned it.

I'm good. I used to be good. But it just, I felt this feeling of, like, wow, I didn't expect that I would feel like this. I didn't expect that I would feel like, oh, I really am more excited about the way that I look from this angle where this cute guy is sitting. And we all know I didn't do this for the guys. She did it for me. I did it for Raina. For the promo photos.

Raina was always roasting me about my face. No, I'm just kidding. I did it for me. But I did feel that way. And so I have gotten messages from some girls. And I'm sorry if some of you have messaged me and I haven't responded because I just, you know, I wanted to kind of address this public. before I started getting in the DMs here and there. I've talked to a few people about it. Again, it's very obvious. But if I have any advice to give somebody, we've said this before, but I can't

stress enough. It is like to love yourself first. And I think that most of us have a desire to improve on things we don't like about our appearance. Like how many of us, with the exception of Rana, are rocking our natural hair color. I mean, you know what I mean? And natural lips. And natural lips. Exactly. I mean, also I have natural lips. I don't want to make it clear. I don't anyone's thinking that I've had filler because they don't look like it. Maybe one day we'll see. But again, live your life the way you would have lived it. But if you really care what I think, I believe that you've got to do the internal work before you do the external. And I think that everybody's different. But my fear is always that I worry people change their appearance in an attempt

to change the way they feel about themselves completely. And I feel sad for that. You know, and I think that's why people don't stop. And they keep going until they look like a totally different person because that's the goal. You know, and I feel sad about those situations. So this is my truth. You know, I made an improvement. I'm obsessed with it. I love it. I can't imagine anything else I'm going to do that's going to be hardcore,

but you never know. Never say never. I think that do what you want. If you don't like your nose or whatever, your chin, if I can fix it. But I think make sure you are in a situation where you hate yourself and you're going to think

this is going to make you love yourself. So other than that, I mean, get somebody that does a good job that specializes in this while we're here. Rain and I can't recommend enough. Don't go to a boob doctor for your face and vice versa. You know, someone that specializes this. You can see all the photos, all the before and afters, you can read all the reviews, double board certified, all the things. Obviously,

go to Dr. Ovchinsky. We can't recommend him not. That's what he does all day in and out. So he's the expert. He knows everything there is to know. But that's really it. And I got to be with her when she got the cast off. And it was a special best friend moment for me. I think you look so beautiful. And I think that Dr. O'Chinsky is a genius. Yes. But I think you look incredible. Every time I look at you, I think you look more beautiful. Every day since the No job, seriously, it gets better. And you guys know we always want to be open and honest with you, but it's people that think that you owe them something is kind of weird and gross. And, you know, it's different to be honest about your looks versus like your relationship. We have a dating podcast.

Of course, I'm going to talk to you guys about my relationship. And I'm not going to record this podcast every week as though I'm in a relationship when I'm not. And I want to thank you all for being so supportive of my relationship. You guys were so loving and kind. I've never gotten more attention on Instagram than when I posted my boyfriend, you know, and you guys were very supportive of that relationship and supportive of him and I appreciate it. I'm sure you'll be supportive through the breakup. It's hard to put yourself out there every single week and to try to be honest with the world and be authentic to yourself and not offend anybody and be a good person and, you know, we try that every week and that's always what we're going to try to do. Yeah. And again, like this is,

I mean, my situation with what I'm talking about is something that's never been a secret. I can't talk about it enough, you know, like it's an obvious thing. It's just there's a number of reasons why I or anyone else might not want to say something at a certain time. This is nobody's business. Or might not want to draw, as a woman, draw extra attention to your looks. I mean, I'm not saying, I'm just giving out, I want to talk about this as a broader conversation of like, stop thinking people, oh, you personal information. You know what I mean? Like lying totally different, you know?

100%. Like Raina's not going to sit here and lie to you guys. But if she didn't want to talk about this for a month, she wouldn't have had to. I mean, I didn't want to. It's not my dream, guys. but we're going on on tour. We've got to go to torture. But again, like, I think we do a good job.

I'm not trying to jerk each other off, but you know, you're not going to sit on stage and do these jokes that you were doing when you were in relationship with Kane, even though they worked really well, even though you could have kept it secret, even though you could have done them. It would have felt weird.

It would have felt in authentic to you. You got to write a bunch of new stuff. We've had to work, you know, behind the scenes, we've been having a workshop because of what we were doing before. And that's part of what it is. So, I mean, this is kind of spiraled, but it's just,

It's what we do for a living and we're also allowed to create our own boundaries. Do you know how weird it was to be in the middle of a breakup and to be like, should I bring up now what I'm going to say on the podcast? Or like, we were like 90 minutes into that I told Ashley this morning. We're like 90 minutes into the conversations before I was like, so I've thought about this ahead of time and this is what I want to say in the podcast. You know, it's just funny to even have to think about that. It even comes up and I was telling a friend about it.

And she was like, I'm sure there's like the added embarrassment of having to talk about this publicly while you're still processing it. And like anything else that happens in my life, I don't actually address until I'm like sure how I feel. I take 30 days. I try to think through like, am I still mad? Am I sad? Am I hurt? Whatever the fuck.

You know, I don't really have that luxury in this instance. So it really was funny to like tell your boyfriend while you guys are in the Melbourne breakup. So publicly this is going to be my statement. Can we be aligned on the statement? Like for J-Lo and A-Rod? Dale and Claire. No. Claire's like, I'm finding out at the same time as you guys came.

He's like, I just fell out. But it's part of the public. If you quote unquote, like we said, you don't owe anybody everything, you kind of do when you've decided to be public with your relationship, I think sort of maybe owe people when it ends. That's it. You don't have to get into details. And I think you did a great job again.

This was, this was truthful. She's not covering up for some horrible breakup. Like it was really amicable. But I don't know. Again, people are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want. but when you invite people in, they do get invested because you could have never talked about him.

Someone posts the other day that someone just revealed their boyfriend of the last three years. Who was that? You sent me like a page six something. Some celebrity had a boyfriend of years and people just now found out. She's like, Rayna's like,

this is going to be me next relationship. You can choose to be super private. Also, we can't. But yeah, I guess I could have. Yeah. You could though. Like, it would be, you know, I think you and I both said,

we're not going to date somebody that demands that kind of privacy. I just don't think you're going to, not necessarily because of the podcast, but I don't think that person's going to be my person anyway because I just, that's not, I live my life very publicly. I don't think someone's super private that we're going to work on like just a general level of who we are, of how we're built. But like, you always have the option to be like, I'm not ever talking about this.

I mean, I thought for a second, did I make a mistake? I thought for a second, not talking about it. I thought for a second, did I make a mistake posting all this publicly? You know, Alexandra Cooper from Call Her Daddy has a boyfriend. She's never posted him. Nobody knows who that is. like, I'm sure her friends and family know who does, but like, I thought for a second, like, should I be more like that?

But that might be authentic to her. It's not authentic to me. I want to share who my boyfriend is. I want him to be a part of our show and our comedy. And I like doing Instagram stories with him. And that is what was authentic to me. And that's what I did. I did what felt good in the moment because it felt good.

But also, who fucking cares? People break up. Like, you know what I mean? Like, who cares? 100%. This happens. People, not, I'm telling you, I know you don't need to hear this. But in general, people fall in love.

they have war-run romances, they try to make it work, and then sometimes it just doesn't. And you know what I mean? And that's just life. Yeah, there's no shame in it. I don't feel embarrassed. I loved posting photos of us, sharing the silly stuff we did together. And I don't feel, like a friend of mine was like, I'm sure there's like the out of embarrassment. I'm like, I don't know,

I don't feel embarrassed. I don't like that word. Who said that? Tell me later. I don't like it. You should be embarrassed. Shut up. Jennifer. Okay, I don't know. I mean, it came from a good place of just feeling like, I know, I revealed so much. And there is the added complicated.

of discussing it publicly, but whatever, I did it, I'm fine, I was anxious about it all day, I feel better now that we discussed it. And that's that. Yeah. So while we're kind of talking about change plastic surgery,

I just wanted to talk about how I've reignited my search for my breast reduction doctor. Guys, you sent me a million really sweet messages. Don't damn me. I really appreciate all your support about this. Years ago, two years ago, I went to see a surgeon about doing

this. So I am re-igniting my breast direction. I'm done with this look. I'm done with this look. I'm ready to get my tatties reduced. Yeah, this has been, I mean, you were looking before COVID. And so. Exactly, December of 2019. And I was like, we have this tour in Australia. And I'll do when I come back. And when we came back, it was COVID. So same doctor I'm going back to. So when, like, okay, if you could say, when do you think you would get this done? If you like, Ash is like, because like our tour schedule. No, no, no. I want to know the last show that you're going to show your titty's at. Probably the holiday show. Oh my God, you guys forget this. Well, I'm trying, like, when I called them, they were like, you keep to come into consultation. I was like, you guys could just sign me up for the surgery. Like, I'll do it tomorrow. And they were like, no, you like have to see the doctor. I was like, no, you don't understand. Like, just put me under. Like, I know this guy. He's a million

recommendations of friends that I know. Like, I'm good. And they're like, no, you got to come in. So my appointment is in December. So like, this Christmas is my last Christmas with these titties, I think. 90% sure. That's going to be wild with you and Buck on Christmas Eve. I don't know. And I think. at both Chicago and New York holiday shows, just remove one tit. Like the left one for New York, maybe the right one for Chicago, which is the better one. The left one is my favorite one.

So that's got to be Chicago. No offense to New York, but Chicago Theater is going to make our biggest show today. Raina's going to bring out her one. My dad's going to be there. Let me see my tities. Is your dad seen your tities? You're right. That's gross.

When you were a baby, it's just your dad. Damn it. I wish you were filming this. It's just your dad. Like the brother is worse. My brothers would be at the show with all of his colleagues, like to be able to like make my brothers see something so disgusting and horrible. Chicago, get ready.

Oh, my God. Well, that is the episode. It's just all over the place. We will be back to our regularly scheduled guest programming in the next couple weeks. I'm not going to say who we have coming up in two weeks, but he is love of my life. Are you guys damning it? No, don't bring it up. All right.

Well, if you guys saw us post about it on it, He's on TikTok. He did one of those husband applications on TikTok. I was like, did you apply? Did you apply? I got to go, guys. I got to go apply to date this guy in TikTok, even though we just talked to him for an hour yesterday. But we hope you guys enjoyed. You know where to find everything about us, girls got eapodcast.com for show tickets and the newsletter, girls got eapodcast. shop for the merch on Instagram where Girls GotEap Podcast. And I am Ash Hess. Also Ash Hess on TikTok. Raina is reina.org on Instagram. are Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash

girls got to eat. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.