Girls Gotta Eat - Live, Laugh, Loss feat. Comedian Kate Nicholls

Episode Date: July 20, 2020

We have the hilarious open book that is Kate Nicholls joining us to discuss some heavier topics but with humor, of course. We're talking about manipulative partners and broken engagements, complicated relationships with parents, losing a parent, coping with a mother's breast cancer, anxiety and PTSD, and more. Kate also spills some tea about the Kardashians (who she worked for) and some other celebs' snack preferences, and shares the story of her "therapy" dog and who rescued who. We also catch up on our recent girls trip to Dewey Beach, Ashley shares a deep dark TV secret with Rayna, and we bring back "I Knew She Was a True Friend When...". Hope you enjoy! Follow Kate on Instagram at @KateNichollzz, and check out her podcast Stage 4 Clinger. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Allform: To find your perfect sofa and get 20% off all orders, go to allform.com/gge. LiquidIV: Get 25% off at liquidiv.com with code GGE at checkout. Daily Harvest: Get $25 off your first box at dailyharvest.com with code GGE. Nutrafol: Get 20% off at nutrafol.com with code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

She was like, I'm so sorry, Kate. Like, I wish that you could just go out there and talk about dicks and tits and and twots and whatever. But, like, that's just not our podcast. That's not our brand. It's not our brand. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back.

Last episode of cancer season. Rain is almost safe. Every year I wait for this to be over. I can't believe how many years I've been bullied into this. Two? Two. You're such a victim. Two summers or three summers.

It's fucking hot out. We're in a heat wave. I had to shower on my way over here. It's a two shower season. We'll move right out of cancer season into two shower day season. I can't show up at your place smelling. I would die. He's a doorman.

This one today's hot. Oh, yeah, he's a fave. I don't see him ever. Oh, you don't? Yeah, but also, like, I really had to take a shit like a big shit when I walked into your lobby. And I was like, I can't do it in Ashley's apartment because she'll hear me. And so I was like, can I, um, use the gym. Use the gym.

Did you shit the gym earlier? Yeah. This is the first I'm hearing to this. You didn't ask me why it took you, it took me 10 minutes to get. Oh my God, it took you so long to get up here. I didn't even think. I just thought you were walking slow because you were hot.

No. You took a shit in the gym close to my Peloton? Yeah. How dare you? Yeah. And the door to the gym was open. I know everybody heard it. And like I walked out of the bathroom and the hottest guy ever was getting his mail.

And I was like, everyone heard me take a dokey. No. All right. We're starting strong today, guys. Okay, we got to go back to this. I got to ask you more things about this show. I did think it took a while for you to get up here. And I was like, maybe she stopped in the courtyard to take a pick.

I mean, I don't know. I was like, I never know what she's doing. Whatever she's doing back there. Just to give you guys an idea, Ashley, it should take me 30 seconds, essentially, to get from the front desk to your apartment, maybe 45 seconds at most. I don't know.

You've got to walk through a other building. I mean, yeah, it's like a minute or two minutes. One minute. Yeah. What do you think your doormant was thinking? thinking like what kind of like bladder problems do I have that I can't make it to your front door. I have to go to the gym bathroom. I mean, I think he knew what was going on, what was about to go down. Do you think he knew? Do you think like men know the women do that? That is so funny. I cannot believe

that's the closest you've been to a gym in years. Actually, that's not true. I live in a gym. I have a gym bike in my apartment. I've just never used it. One time I used it. I hate to like give them a free ad because it's never sponsor me or advertise with me, but I did start using the Peloton in the building. They have one in the gym and I get it. I'm a believer. One time. That's the first time and then you loved it. I've used it twice, two and a half times one time. I just quit early. Half time is what. That's what I call working out a quarter time. I do love it. Don't, you know, they're not a sponsor. I can't stress it enough. But I'm a big fan and I feel like it makes me really happy that I can get that kind of workout in

because I'm not biking around the city in this heat. Fuck, no. I took a walk this morning. I had to stop to dry heave. Nothing was dry besides your heaving. Yeah, it was real wet. I was real wet everywhere. Okay, I got to give you an update really quick and then we'll get into some other stuff.

I just don't want to forget. This is a parent update. Like your parents? My parents. I mean, we talk about our parents now. whether they listen, what they're hearing to say. So this came through last Tuesday. Okay.

And I wanted to tell you, my mom texted me, just finished your podcast, loved it, five exclamation points. Dad does know what 69 means. I know. I got to say the emoji. I got to tell you the emoji. The emoji is that very happy one with the hands up. The like really excited.

Here, look there. It's right for you. Is Matt on this too? No, no. It's just for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

That is the most horrifying emoji. You could link to it other than like an egg plant and the water drop. That's the excited emoji. Dad does know what 69 means. Excited emoji. Jazz hands. Yeah, it's the jazz hands. And then she, but she, it was really cute.

She said, I loved the book recommendations because My mom, you know, just a book person, former librarian. They loved Grace and Becca. But I read this. I glanced at it and I wanted to talk about the books more. And then I had to kind of circle back and be like, fuck me. My mom's telling me that her my dad of 69, I want to kill myself. Do you think that my dad's disgusting behavior has made your parents more emboldened?

Yeah, 100%. That's what I'm telling you this for. She was like, wait, I would be in on this. I can't believe. I'm so sorry. I feel like I did this to you because, like, my dad's so disgusting. Oh, you're so disgusting. Oh, I do have a new dad update also.

I was on the phone with him. Yeah, he's in Texas, so I call him every day to make sure he's like, okay, I'm worried about him. And, you know, he listens to the podcast now because he, like, wants to know about the advertisers. And his sex life's improving. Yes. Okay, so this is on both, it hits both of those notes. He was like, you get any new advertisers?

I was like, yeah, we actually just picked up this like sex toy company, which will tell you guys about the future. But my dad was like, what's the name of it? And I, like, told him really briefly. And he was like, wait, tell me again, I want to write it down if I can look it up. And I was like, what? No. Stop.

I wish I was making this up. I can't live. I was like, you don't need to look it up, dad. You want to know what vibrators we're going to talk about? And he's like, I just like to know what you're up to. No, just wait for the fucking ad read, dad. Just don't. I know you'll be listening.

Just, you know, I'll tell you how I liked using it, dad, in the episode. It's so funny. Yeah, my mom's like, I love the book recommendations. Your dad's like, I love the vibrator recommendations. Oh, it's so sick. What if he, like, text his wife? And he's like, Rana's got some new picks for vibrators. Oh, my God.

So disgusting. The book recommendations, I literally went out and got one to watch that Becca recommended by Kate Stamenler. I finished it. I am sad. It's over. I read it at the beach. And just that one of all of them, I loved all their recommendations. But that one in particular, this book is blowing up. The best seller first week. It's the one about the plus size woman that goes on to be kind of like the Bachelorette. It is, I cannot recommend this book enough. I know we talked about last week, but I read it in full. And, oh, guys, it is one of the best, like, fiction reads I've read in a long. time. I'm so sad. It's over. I just kept, like, didn't want to finish it. I'm glad to hear that because you know, not like fiction. But like if you recommend it this highly and it's the Bachelor and stuff, it's so good. And I feel like someone from the that worked on The Bachelor or something had to have like consulted on it. That's right. Yeah. Okay. That's really it. We have such a great episode today. You guys, this is with Kate

Nichols. We'll talk about her more, but she's a comedian, writer, producer. And she has a podcast that called Stage 4 Klinger with her mom who has stage four breast cancer. she's so funny, she's so incredible. I just want to give like a quick trigger warning. The episode is not, the tone is not like our sexual assault episode by any stretch. It's a light, funny episode, but we do talk about one of her parents dying,

mentions of opioids, and then her mom is, she does have breast cancer. So there is talk of like parents dying, basically. Again, we keep it light. She's a comic, we're a comic. You know, can't stress that enough.

is a comedy podcast. You know, we make jokes about the stuff. We joke about dark topics. But anyway, if that feels triggering to you guys in any way and you're in a point where you may have lost a parent recently or whenever and it's just not something that you're interested in, just want to give that trigger warning up top, I don't think it would be triggering.

But, you know, when these sensitive topics come up, death, obviously, we just want to give a heads up. I'm glad you said that. And what we were talking about before was that, like, we do want to do an episode in the future with an actual therapist for, like, trauma management. Like grief. Yeah.

So we will do that. that, but we're just talking to her about her experience. And we talk about some other stuff, too. Her fiancee and her broke up, and he was emotionally abusive and things. My words, not hers. So a lot of stuff to, like, unpack. And also, she worked for the Kardashians. So we got some Christian or tea coming in hot.

But yeah, I love that you said that. We do want to tackle grief and, like, more in depth. And also, like, losing a partner, which is just a horrible thing of, like, I mean, people that lose their boyfriends, fiance's husbands. There's always just a matter of, like, finding the right person to speak. to you guys about it. So anyway, trigger warning up top. We recorded with her in Dewey. I was with her. Raina had left, but we wanted to do a little quick recap of our girl's trip in Dewee that we took for my birthday. We told you guys before we were as safe as humanly possible. Everybody that went on

the trip, we had a group of six girls in a house. Everybody got a COVID test. Ashley heckled and bullied everyone. Every day. I like went to get one. I know. Ashley was so on top of people. about getting this test. You were like, what time are you going to be back today? What time are you to be in the city? Can you go get it tonight? I went in the morning and I couldn't...

City MD had some kind of like computer system malfunction. So I went back home and you were like, can you go back? I feel like the lines are going to be too long. I was like... And then somebody... One of our friends went to... She was going to get it.

And then she had like... Something planned for later that day, like a beauty treatment. And I was like, can you not? You're supposed to be... You told her not going to face it? Yes. I was like, you're supposed to be quarantining.

This is the whole plan. So we were safe as we could. only really hung out with each other and wear our masks when we needed to and followed all the protocols. So just wanted to say that up top before we talk about the trip that we were safe as possible. And then I was sitting on the back deck of our house right the day before we left. And I see all these cars coming in and going into this parking lot. And I was like, what is going on here? And we asked a guy like what's going on and he had a mask on and he made this this movement of like a little like swirl around his nose. And we were like, COVID testing. We thought it was so

funny that he quickly was able to make like a sign language gesture for it. And we were like, should we just go see if we can get a COVID test? It was only Louise and I were the ones left. And we went and got a test in and out in five minutes. It was like the Dewey Beach or whatever area Lions Club. And it was outdoor. You did it yourself. It was like a cheek swab. It was the most efficient in and out thing. And then I got the results back the next day. Like the next, I was like, this is what in the world? So then I was COVID free and I came back to New York. And we're back. Yeah. Just as you guys, if you're curious, we both went to CDMD and New York.

The first time I went, it took 36 hours to get the test back was immediate. Now I know they're taking about a week, but they are plentiful, they're available, they're free. So I had been with a bunch of people in the Hamptons prior to that, so I thought it was only responsible to get a test. Yes. Yeah. Before we were in a house with a bunch of girls, that's what we did. But Delaware, man, if you can find one of those Lions Club pop-ups, date. Pop-up, like it's a fire sale.

Papa. The next day, I was just like, they're crushing it. You got your own little packet. You went and you like three people kind of stood around somebody that walked you through the test and how to do it. And then you just put your sample back in the bag through it. And it's like, you swab yourself? You swab yourself. But they like really walked you through it like where to get in your mouth 30 seconds. You have to cough first. You have to go off into like the like into your own area. Cough into either your mask or into your crook of your arm. And then like swab your, they told you everywhere to swab for 30. seconds and then you stick it in this little thing, you throw it in a bag and done and done. I'm glad that you did it. I'm glad that you guys a nice little afternoon together in the parking five minutes. I imagine like the four of you in like a circle jerk, but instead of jerking off, you're swabbing each other. Oh yeah, we swapped each other. No, but the trip was amazing. It was really special. It like, I have a lot of like special feelings about it. I just, you know, when you're like with a group of people and you're like, these people just get me. They're like my people, you know? And I all, so I have met every single person on that trip.

through you. You really have this great group of friends that have been your friends forever. And like, I'm like really fortunate to become close to so many of them. And everybody is just so different, but like smart and funny, whatever. I can talk about them all day. They're all very special. But I just always thought like, you know, I eventually will have a, you know, episode about not wanting to have kids. And, you know, I thought that, you know, I'm, I think the narrative is like, you know, you're going to get older. Everybody around who's going to have kids, you're not going to have any friends. You're not going to have anything to do. I think common with people. And like I'm in my mid-30s now and how special is it to like go on a group with like a trip with all these girls and like still have people around you and things to do?

I felt like it was like really special to like have this like really beautiful, strong group of women. And like I still have people around me even though I don't have kids. You know, I just does that make sense? Yeah. I mean, I think you seek out people like you and I have tons of girlfriends that have kids and that are married and even if some of the girls that were at the beach have boyfriends are married and they still took the time to take a group. girl's trip, which I just think is obviously so awesome. And it's a lot to be said for how much they value friendships. And I obviously don't subscribe to that narrative of like single women in their 30s being sad in anyway. I think we are like fucking crushing it in life. And everybody had

so much to talk about in terms of their career and what they're doing and like still funny dating stories. And we just like gassed each other up for four days. Like there is a moment we're all in the beach and everybody just started doing their own photo shoot. And everybody was behind them like creative directing it and be like, yes, girl, okay, a little to the left, a little to the right. Hold the hot dog like this. Tip your hat like this. Like we were just like, go, girl. And just like, I was like doing little touches on everybody's photos to send them back to them and be perfect.

And everybody posted these photos on the beach. Raina posted her today. It was a beautiful, stunning. Perfect. Never been done before. And we, it was just like, there was a point where we were all like, show your titties. Like we were like all drunk one night back in the house and everybody just started showing their bare titties. And we're like, yeah!

Like, Louisa came out of the room. We're like, show your tits. And she has the best tits of everybody. And she just pulled her pajama top up and we all just started screaming. Like she was in a fucking boy band. Like it was just so much like girl power hyping each other up. Like it was the best like four days span. I was there the whole week.

But most people left after four days. It was just the best time. It was. And it's not like our other duty trips where we're just like wrecked. And it's like so. Honestly, I kind of like COVID rules. Because like I don't have to make up reasons for why I'm going home early. Like we're just home early.

Just like go to dinner and go home. It was just so special. and so nice. And I just like love your group of friends. And I just thought it was like so amazing. I do have to say, do you feel like Jenny Jones was the MVP of the weekend. And it's tough for me because I think I'm funny and cool. And then I get her all my friends. I'm like, God damn, they're funnier and cooler than me. I thought I feel about everybody. I had the whole weekend. I was like, that joke is so funny. What did I think of that joke? I know. Jenny just like, every day woke up on fire from sun up to sundown. She's so like under the radar about it.

Like she's, she's so funny without me to be funny. But like, you're not laughing. She's not. not like funny because she's like says stupid stuff. Like it's on purpose, but it's like, she should be in comedy. She's so funny. She's really one of the funniest people I know. She's so cute. Great tities. Great tities. Great accessories.

Why does, every time she emerges, ready for the night, you're like, I want that. I know. She had a chain for her mask. She did. She dressed great. She does accept. She had that like booby, cozy. Cozy.

She caught in the coozy that's knitted with like two bare tities on it. To commemorate the weekend. Our friends have nice tits. Oh my. Just one nice set of titties after the next. It's pretty crazy. I didn't want to show mine. Me and Meryl were like, no.

I've seen Meryl's titties. I saw Meryl's titties in Australia. We've all seen them. Yeah, but Meryl wasn't like out here, like ripping her tities out. And then our friend Laura, we were like, show them. And we were like, okay, porn titties. Like, what the fuck? Everyone's titties were nice.

When we were all just showing our titties, I feel like guys are like, this is what they think girls do. And they, like, fantasize about. It's like we do do it. We did do that. Like we have a pillow fight coming up next, you know? We're all just like banged up, pulling tithing out. That's, listen, that's our qualifying factor for friends.

You've got to have nice nipples. You got to have a nice rack. Oh my gosh. Okay, well, one thing I did, and this will lead us into some recommendations. I have to tell you this thing. This is my show recommendation for the week and a milestone for me that I wanted to express to you. While we were in Dewey, you had left. It was just Louise and I were left.

I watched my first episode of Law and Order SVU. What? Can't recommend it enough. The amount of times I've traveled with you, been in hotels to you, told you I couldn't come to your room right now because I'm finishing an episode of Law & Order SvU. You've never brought this up. We have talked about Law and Order SV on this show. The fourth episode of this podcast is called How to Lose a Girl.

In one date, I told a whole story about Law and Order SvU. You never brought this up. How have you never brought this up? I never said I saw it. I haven't been lying to you. You've been lying through omission. How is this possible? You never asked me if I saw it?

You never asked me, do I watch the show? You've never asked. You've never asked. You didn't volunteer the information. This is one of the longest running shows in history. I've been watching this since I was a little girl with my dad, and I brought that up on multiple episodes that my dad used to sit me down in front of a lawn or asked you as a six-year-old.

You've never mentioned this. maybe I was a little embarrassed maybe it's the fact that I didn't know that you didn't have Spotify and you use Rhapsody I just I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why I never said I've never seen an episode of that I don't know maybe you should ask maybe this is on you

I what do you watch at hotels that's that I mean I watch catfish in the hotels now hotels that have smart TVs I'll like log into my Netflix if I need to I've done that a lot recently when we toured and stuff we watched it because we had this great beach house, but there was no, there was only like an old school TV and like no smart TV. So it was just like we just could only watch what was live. And Louise and I were like,

let's watch something before we go to bed. And I said I'd never seen Law & Order or Law and Order SVU. And she was like, that's crazy. Let's just like, let's just watch an episode. And it turned out to be like a really amazing episode. And you know, all the cultural memes about like. Oh, and then a lift our, um, about ice ice cube or ice tea. I was sure which one it is. Louisa goes, someone came on the screen, Mariska Hargate, obviously.

And Louisa goes, oh, that's Olivia Benson. You know, and people say Olivia Benson. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. And she goes, you've never seen like a meme or any reference of Olivia Benson. I'm like, I guess I just never do what it was. So I never paid attention. And she was like, well, that's Louis Benson. And then she was like, okay, so I see is known for his like one-liners.

Like, she'll just come in like. And munch? You know who munch is? I just, I didn't know. But it was like, she was such a good person watching with because, you know, she's so thorough. and she just gave me the rundown. And I did enjoy it. So I cannot recommend this show enough.

I can't believe the amount of times that I have talked to you about Loud Order to you on this podcast and you just never brought it up. I told you a whole story about I was on date with that guy. He let me get through a whole story and that he never mentioned throughout the story that he had no idea what I was talking about and you just sat there and pretended like you'd seen it.

I think it's been this weird secret between us that nobody knew how to. know. Like, I guess in a way, I thought, well, Raina's never, did you assume I've seen it? I didn't know you could avoid it. Like, I have never actually purposely sat down to watch Law & Order SVU, but every time it's on, I've seen every episode. I don't know how that's possible. You don't, you don't turn it on. It turns on to you. It happens to you. I just, you literally sat there and listened to me to tell a whole story about some guy who sat there and listened to me tell a whole story about Law & Order SVU and how rude it was. You were. I just, you literally sat there and

And you just didn't mention it. You know why I didn't do that, right now? Because I didn't want to steal your thunder by saying that I'd never seen an episode. Because then the narrative would have shifted to me. Do you remember this? Is this the SUV? Yeah, the SUV. Yeah.

I remember the story. March of 2018. I didn't want to steal your thunder. Oh my God. Because then I know, you know, and then it would have been all about me. You're so selfless. I can't believe. Thank you for sharing that with me.

You're welcome. I, okay. There are. I literally don't know how this is possible. Like, there's a couple things I've never seen. Like the longest running show on TV. It is. It's like one of the longest in history.

There's a couple things I've never seen. I think the people would be shocked. But I've never seen... Okay. This is one of the most culturally referenced things and I've never seen it. It's Gilmore Girls. Okay. Never seen it.

And people reference like the main relationships in that a lot. And I have never seen it. I have not seen it. I may be maybe seen one, but I don't watch it. But the difference there is it's not on TV all the fucking time. 24 hours a day. Right. On every network.

Yeah. I don't love Alexis Bidale. as like an actress, she's just not like my favorite. So I just never like really got into it. Well, some people, I read this or I saw this meme one time that said if you see Gigi, what TV show do you think of? And that says a lot about who you are as a person. And it's do you see Gossip Girl or Gilmore Girls?

And I'm like, oh my God, gossip girl, by a landslide. I still think, I would always assume it meant. Well, Gigi. I'm like Gigi. Yeah, I think about us. Or Gucci. Is it weird that makes me think of me. But I was like, are you when you, like if you're split down the middle, if you, and

Of course, you can like both, whatever, but are you a Gomore Girl's Girl or a Gossip Girl? It's like Gossip Girl all day, every day. I see every episode, duh. It's five times. I've had to stop. It's been a problem. Okay, I do have a recommendation for you. It was the number one. It was like just, I always look to see what the top podcast is like this week or whatever. So it's a new podcast. It's called The Guru. It is about, it's called Guru the Dark Side of Enlightenment. I think it's a Wondry podcast or six episodes. A Wondery is great with these kind of like true crimes. series. But it's about this guy who was a self-help person, James Arthur Ray. He became really famous because he was on Oprah through being in the movie The Secret, which is based on the book,

The Secret. Anyways, really interesting story because he was hosting all these like retreats and he was hosting these sweat lodges and a bunch of people died in sweat lodges. Like he had no right to be doing this. He wasn't like a medical professional. All these people died. So the podcast is about that. And then I didn't actually love the podcast, but then it turned me on to this document. about him that CNN did about him called Enlighten Us, which is great. Anyways, I just, I love like a self-help thing that's kind of fucked up. He did go to prison and then he got out of prison and it's like, well, these people all died and you went to jail for like two years. So it's like a very odd story. So very interesting. I recommended the podcast is interesting when I like the documentary more. So

okay. That's my recommendation for this week. Well, podcasting leads us into our person in the week, which is us again. It's us again. Again, I have not been getting enough air time. So it is me. It's not a hot take. It's Michelle Obama. She could be our person of the week every week. So from here on out, she's our person week every week. No, she's launching a podcast. If you would rather listen to her than us, that's fine. We respect your decision. I actually respect that decision. It launches on July 29th on Spotify. We love Spotify. Of course. It's called the Michelle Obama podcast.

I'm seeing here that it's focused on meaningful relationships and conversations. It just says hosted by Michelle Obama, the series will bring listeners as the former First Lady's most candid and personal conversations, showing us what's possible when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to open up and to focus on what matters most. That's a quote from their production company, I believe. I mean, I'm here for it. I could listen to Michelle Obama all day. I don't listen to a ton of podcasts. I will be tuning into this.

I love everything about her and I just, I love her voice. If you guys don't know like a ton about her other than that she was the first lady, she is a tremendous speaker. And she's like a really brilliant person. She is really like really moving, motivational. She's very funny. And just people love her so much that I, the people, whoever she's going to be interviewing, like, I can just imagine the way they're going to open up and speak with her.

And if we were recommended the Netflix documentary becoming before. And of course, her book and stuff like that. But anyway, of course, Michelle Obama is just going to roll out a podcast and take the top slot for the foreseeable future. But should we be on it? Yeah. If anybody's a producer for that show. Listen, if anyone can get a song on that. We'll carve out time.

Or have her on her on her. ours. She is our number one guest. Her and her husband. Have they been our number one guest? I think that she's been our number one guest since day one. I know. People are like who are your dream guest? Her and Chelsea Handler. Yeah. Chloe Kardashian.

Sarah Silverman. Yeah. So first of the week. All right, guys. We have a very special guest in the virtual house studio with us today. She is a writer, a producer, a comedian. She is the co-host. of the stage four cleaner podcast.

She is internet friends with Ashley and now real friends with us. She wore a bikini top the last time we attempted to record with her and today she has gone in the opposite direction and wore two shirts. Please welcome to the house studio Kate Nichols. It's a dress.

It's a crop top and a dress. It's like a crushed velvet 90s dress. And I wore platform crocs with it. Oh, I noticed. They're not in sports mode. Holy shit. I'm taking it easy today. That exists.

But we're coming to you from the Dewey Beach studio. Yes. As you can see. So Raina left early and Kate came in hot because she's here in Maryland. We'll get to it. But I forgot to tell her you weren't going to be here, Raina. I was really disappointed. She came in hot with weed for us.

Weed and toilet paper. We didn't toilet paper. The only essentials. And I'm so sad you're on here. Yeah. Okay. So really quick, I just met you today. But we've been internet friends for honestly probably five.

Since like two, I think it's been like eight years. When did you get engaged in 2000? I think it was like 2012. Yeah. So my aunt Kathy, who is my godmother, my mom's best friend.

Birthday twin. Yeah. And my birthday twin. Thank you so much. Cancer season still. And so my aunt Kathy is really close with Kate's mom. And she like, Aunt Kathy's like second best friend.

So it's like her and my mom are kind of competitive. Claudia, mom kind of like vie for Kathy like they both vacation with Kathy separately but Claudia and Cindy have never met. What? Yeah. But I think my mom's like Kathy's sidepiece. Yeah.

Her mom is Kathy's side piece. Like for sure. Did your mom know when Kathy goes on vacation with other people? So everything's kind of out in the open now and then my mom and I did go on Kate and Claudia's podcast. But then they had a like weird little like competitive thing. They were joking. But I feel like it got a little serious.

Like she was like, so why have. you ever invited me to a trip? And your mom's like, well, am I going to come to Greece with you guys? That's, okay. Also, Ashley's other best friend is named Kate, and I, like, low-key feel the same way. And, like, Ashley hugged Kate the other day in the house. And I was like, she never hugs me.

I made, like, a mental note of it to, like, bring it up on the podcast. My diary will be hearing about this, Ashley. Anyway, I'll wrap this up quickly. But my and Kathy was like, this was back when I was in Atlanta, but I was still doing comedy. And she was like, I know this. comedian in New York and you should just follow her and connect with our on Facebook. And I was like, okay, sure. So we, like, friended each other on Facebook. And I just remember watching a clip of yours.

And then I was also so, like, enamored with anybody doing comedy in New York City. I've just, like, looked up to anybody doing it. And I think I even watched a video. I just remember being like, oh, my gosh, she's so funny. I think you way that you like, you like, you like, you like, you like, you like, you like, you like, you like, you like, you like, you like, you like, you and so then we just have been internet friends ever since. Was it because, like, because her engagement burned to the ground, did that make it, like, easier for you to be friends with her? Fully burned to the, it humanized me, you know?

But Raina, like, to that point, like, we were just only internet friends, but I am so nosy about everyone's drama. So I think even maybe a year later, I was, like, stalking you. I'm like, where is that fiancé? And I, like, I was like, can I message her? I don't know her. And I messaged her. I was like, hey, this is weird, but like, what happened?

For real? I love it. No shame. No shame. I'm the same way. I used to really put it all out on social media. And if you're going to, people have been a part of that relationship with you. And like, especially with a very public engagement. And like he was all, I think he was really proud of it. I think it's because he's like a comic at heart that he, it was like he wanted to add it to

his real more than like engaged to me. Oh my God. I wrote the jokes that he told. he didn't so when he proposed to me had this whole bit and he was like taking UCB classes and he was saying that it was like for a class and

I was like this isn't very good and like the whole thing and then all of a sudden he starts like doing it on stage and it's like our anniversary at the comedy club where we met and like all his family's there and I just kept drinking whiskey because I was like oh fuck I'm like 23

and I don't know if I want this but like there's an audience so I'm going to have to be like Like, absolutely. Oh. After you guys broke up, did he like side text to you? Like, listen, can you write my jokes about the breakup too? Oh my God. I mean, if he had, he's a very proud person.

So no. I kind of blocked him on everything after we broke up. Like, I was listening to your guys episode where there's some exes that you can stay in contact with. He's not one of them. Well, he's a comic that you can't stay in touch with that. Exactly. We're going to unpack this and tell you guys, obviously, the whole background about it.

Before we move on, I do want to tell you guys the story. So my ex-fiance and I broke up and like, to your point, of like you sliding into her dams and asking what happened. One year later, after we broke up, my friend, my mom's friend's daughter, like, sent me a message and was like, we'd love to see you in a wedding dress girl. Where's the wedding dress picks? And I was like, I'm going to shoot myself. Wait, you, your mom, would you just say your mom's friend's daughter?

Yeah, family friend's daughter who I've talked to in ages. And so it's so clear that he had been like scrubbed from my social media and she just like picked a random day and was like, we'd love to see you in a wedding dress girl. And I was like, yeah, same. Yeah, yeah. Thanks. I look amazing in white. Don't rub it in.

That's so funny. I forgot to cancel. I've canceled like everything because we started like wedding planning. But I forgot that a friend of a friend recommended the makeup artist for the day. And I never like got back to her. And so the day before the scheduled date of the wedding, which I completely forgot. She like messages me and is like, hey. So what time should I come tomorrow?

I was like, holy shit. I'm so sorry, but there is no wedding. And she was like, okay, well, keep me in mind if, you know, you get engaged again. If you change your mind? Yeah. I would make my mom respond that. I'd be like, I can't handle sending this text message. Yeah, mom, figure this out.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. So the engagement ended. Oh, yeah. Big time. And Raina keeps getting upset because I keep saying that you guys are going to bond over this. It's 25 times Ashley's been like, you guys can bond over your, like, your dead engagements.

I don't think, I mean, broken engagements aren't crazy, rare and weird, but there's not a ton of you guys out there. No, no. And I don't know if this has happened to you, but like, have you had a lot of people come up to you who are unhappy and they're engaged? Like, I feel like I've become a magnet for people who are unhappy, like, young girls who got engaged have been like, know that I broke off an engagement and they always want to ask me about like, am I doing the right thing? Which, like, if you're coming to me, you want me to be like, no. That's a good call. They're looking for you to tell them. Yeah. So I just say, if you're asking me this question, then no. Guys, Kate has ended so many engagements.

I really have. She's actually the ending of the engagement whisperer. I really am. Two things. The opposite of you, all your exes get married. Leave a trail of tears. Since we started the podcast, yes, people have messaged us and asked about that. I would never tell anybody anything to do with their relationship because I don't know

anything about your life and your relationship and the years of backstory. So I would never tell anybody yes or no unless you're being actually like hurt physically or emotionally. But what it happened, I didn't really know anybody that had happened to. and it was so rare, I thought. I mean, it's not that rare anymore. Half the people you meet in their mid-30s that aren't married have been engaged at one point.

But a lot of people wanted to connect with me about it and talk about it all the time and be like, wow, this happened to me too. I went out of a date with this guy and he was the person who set us up was like, so Leah mentioned that like you had a broken engagement too. And I was like, I can't fucking believe you're bringing us up because it took me years to get to the point where I wanted to discuss this at all

to like wrap my head around it, to find the humor in it, to not be so devastated, like years. So I didn't, and it was, it felt really embarrassing at the time. So, yeah, I didn't want to talk about it to anybody. Yeah, there was an element. I kind of forgot that element of like embarrassment that I felt because I have no shame about it now. But like when you, when I did, especially because I used to like post everything on

Facebook and we did have like a public engagement video and then for it to just like peter out like that, it's kind of like, ooh. Not the best, but. So you guys got. engaged in New York, but then you moved to L.A. together. Yes. And we'd already called off the wedding at that point. It was very tumultuous. I mean, okay. Can we talk about it? Yeah, let's talk about it. Okay. Let's like tell the story. Okay. So I realized I started when we tried to record all of us a time before and I hadn't really thought about how I would feel talking about this. And then

once we had to stop recording and rescheduled to today, I had more time to like unpack it. And I realized I started to feel like this fear about talking about. about the relationship. Because I talk about the broken engagement. I talk about the superficial things, but like I haven't really opened up about this relationship. And I'm like, why am I scared? I'm not afraid for my physical like well-being. I'm afraid that anything I say about him will like invite him back into my life and that he'll convince me that I'm wrong and crazy and that he didn't actually do these like psychological things to me. Because like you, you said, I've heard you talk about being with a gas lighter. Like he was very much a

manipulator, controller, gas lighter. And I think that's part of the reason why he wanted, like, why he liked that I was a lot younger than him because he had like a lot more control. And then it was like, let me get you into like living with me. I lived with his family on the Upper East Side. And I'm not saying he's a bad guy. Like, I think he's in a relationship. So I hope that he has worked on these issues and he was going through a trauma at the time that we were together, which led him to like really emotionally abuse me. And I'm not going to like get too much into detail, but his family was a part of a financial,

crime. So I was around for like that trial and like the very beginning of our relationship. And it put a lot of pressure on me that like my needs couldn't be met until this trial was over or we couldn't live together until this trial was over. Or then once the trial was over and his father was incarcerated, then it's like still I can't have any needs met. I think a lot of people will relate to the fact that like when you're with a partner and they're going through something really traumatic, especially involving their family. There doesn't seem to be any room for you to like be a person and feel things either that it's all about them. Yeah, absolutely.

And then you have to, like, it added so much pressure and it added so much more leverage on his side. And he and his mother, he's a, kind of a typical Jewish guy. His mom and him probably showered together until he was like a teenager.

I feel like my mom would still like to shower with my brother. Oh, 100%. Rainer's like, that's not weird. But, like, his mom definitely that's their family tradition. I told my mom and my brother on the group chat the other day to get a room. And she was like,

they did not find it funny. No one thought it was funny besides me. But I said it to Ashley. We laughed about it. Yeah, I'm not in the family group chat. I'm ready to send me the screenshots, by the way. People are like, God, they're really close. No, I wasn't there.

Raina just sends me everything. I lost, so you told your mom and your brother to get a room. She was like, you're a real man now. Look how handsome you look. like this is disgusting. No. In front of his one. By the way, he's married.

She's on the chain too. Like, get out of here. Get a room. That's so funny. See, you guys can relate on so much. What did I say? Because my mom also, I always say she has a crush on my brother. Like it's so, but she's not Jewish.

She's like a, but your brother has a crush on me. Yeah. Oh, for real. How old is he? What's up with him? Um, he's married. Oh, that's right. Ashley's his hall pass.

He like, he's like, he's like, like he's so sweet. He's such like a big fan of my mom and I's podcast that like, God, he was married. Can we keep this? Leave it in. Yeah. My brother's like, especially during quarantine and he's like alone in New York because his wife is Muslim so they weren't allowed to live together until, because he had like a male roommate. I don't know. Okay. I, but. So what you're saying is he got to jerk off to Ashley a lot during the quarantine. He's like a big, like he would listen. He's our biggest fan of my mom and I's podcast. Like he'll like he'll like. He'll like. He's our biggest fan of my mom and I's podcast. Like he'll like he'll, like listen, like obsessively. And so he like would talk a lot about how much he like loved Ashley. So it's like my brother. I think he was like a woman. Listen, I'm only one person's hall pass in this world.

I'm going to soak it up. You were talking about your relationship. Can you remind us the age difference between you and your ex-fiance? So I think it was like a 21, like an eight to nine year age difference. Okay. Which doesn't sound that aggressive when you're both like in your 30s, I think, or getting older than that, but like a 21-year-old versus a 30-year-old is, like, very different. It's really, yeah.

I mean, I did guys 10 years younger, but it's like, it's not, you know, and I actually, I am 30, so I've done it. They're always twice. They're going to go on a podcast talking about you one day. But, yeah, I mean, I remember even being, like, I had a friend that was into older guys and when we were, like, 20-21, she would be, like, flirting with a 30-year-old at the bar, and I'd be like, you're so gross. I really, that guy is gray hair.

No, I was disgusting to me that age. 30 was fucking gross. Sorry, no offense. Oh, no, no, no offense. He was gross. But I was really into older guys. Like, I had, like, totally.

Big daddy issues. And, like, I had this, like, whole thing that, like, I was going to move to New York and, like, get a Mr. Big, you know. And I, I mean, I can't, I'm not shooting on my friends. I have friends that, yeah, it was just, it wasn't for me. It's still not for me. Yeah. I'm out here just, you know, barely over the legal line.

Okay. So you guys, so you weren't getting your needs mad and, yeah. But you broke up and then you still moved together. So we broke off. the, we canceled the wedding, but, and I moved back into my apartment in Bushwick, and he's kept living on the Upper East Side. And it's like, through therapy, I've realized that it's like such a typical person who has control issues and like emotional abuse symptom. It's like, I was starting to get freedom. So he was like, nope, going to completely take her away from everybody

she knows and like, we're moving out to California. Oh, it was his decision. Yeah, it was his, he went out for an interview and then just called and said, I'm not coming back. We're going to move out here. I'm never coming back. He's like, we're moving to California. You're going to come here. And it's so weird because, like, I can't even relate to, like, how much I let myself get, like, bulldozed and, like, tossed around in that relationship because I see myself as such a tough person.

But it was, like, just I had to go back and investigate, like, all of my trauma and, like, work through it to be, like, how did I get into this situation with somebody that's so controlling and manipulative and gaslighting? I think it's really easy to, right? Yeah, I mean, comedians. Yeah, it's funny. My boyfriend when I was like that age also was like tremendously abusive and I think that we all look back on those situations and say to ourselves like,

I'm not that person who is she, how did I get here? But those people don't start off acting like that day one. It's a very long slope of them like, long road of them like just chipping away at you. And every little thing they do makes it a little easier for them to do the next thing. And especially when you're young, I don't, I didn't know the word gaslighting when I was 22. I couldn't even named what this guy was doing to me. So I get it. And they convince you that you are so wrong.

Like anytime that I would bring up something like, you know, it really hurt my feelings when you did this. And he'd be like, you know, I know myself. And I know the type of person that I am. And so I just don't think what you're saying could be true. And I'm not in charge of your feelings, only you are. So, you know, maybe if you were a little more mature. Or like the first time that we had sex,

he like came inside me without asking. And I was pissed. And he was like, I know that you're young, but this is what women my age do. Oh my God. And like fully, like, would gaslight me. Or like, I would say, like, hey, I really need, I want us to work on our sex life. And he'd be like, you know, think, like, I had to have endometriosis surgery.

And he didn't want me to do it. Like, for some reason, it was like a control thing. But I went ahead and had the surgery. And, like, our sex life dipped at one point, like, years after the surgery. And he was like, I was like, look. like I would like for us to work on our sex life. And he was like, things just feel different since you got that endometriosis. I told you you shouldn't have got it.

And I'm like, even though I know the female anatomy, they weren't anywhere near my vagina, they were in my uterus. Oh my God. I'm like, oh, him. Like, he would make me feel like I was disgusting and he would tell me I was like, you're really hard to love. But like I love you. So, like shit like that.

Broke you down. Broke me down. I mean, the age is so huge here. So like any girls that are listening, like, if a guy ever like pulls his, like uses his age, is just like, well, you're just immature. Like red flag, run. Red flag. And like anybody who weaponizes your past traumas against you, like he would be like, like my family,

and I'll talk about this, but my family is a victim of the opioid crisis in this country. My dad became a drug addict after getting prescribed oxycontin. And so like lots of daddy issues there. You worked through him. But he would weaponize that against me. any chance that he got. So, and it would just be like, he would convince me that, like, he was great. I was terrible.

And yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, anybody that's going to do that to you is not a nice person. I'm sorry. Like, there's no, it's pretty black and white to me. Like, anybody that weaponizes your age against you or past trauma is, like, the person that your partner should make you feel not great all the time every second, but like, they shouldn't pick on things like this to just, like, make you feel bad about it.

It's a crazy thing. Yeah. If your partner ever does that, too, you know, you fuck that person. Yeah, yeah. But I tried, like, I tried to take us to therapy and he, like, after the session, the woman, like, took me aside and was like, are you okay? And he said, and he was like, we're never going to go back there again.

Oh, wow. He could tell she. Yeah, he was like, we're never going back there again. And, like, at the end, once we moved out to California together and we were living out there for like a month. And I got sort of like a break. Like, he wasn't working and I got hired to Disney as a writer's assistant. and it was like my first big writing job

and I was like fuck yeah and he was so upset about it like the day that I got the job he like popped his annex and like stayed in bed all day I'm like okay I guess I'm gonna celebrate this for myself but he would like then start trying to cause fights

when I would have to be on set at seven in the morning at like 2 a.m. like try to wake me up for like a fight and do sort of like self-sabotagey things and obviously like that amount of stress my body gave out my thyroid stopped working I put on weight and so I got out to L.A. And I was like starting to get my freedom and my confidence back because I'm like writing

and remembering like, oh, you're funny. Like you're good. People like you. So I remember I would go out. We lived by Griffith Observatory and I would go out and like started hiking. And it physically hurt so bad because I was coming out of like such a big depression, such big like like just really tough stuff in that relationship. And it like physically hurt to do it.

But I was like out there like trying to hike. And I remember one time he like came with me and like wouldn't even put on exercise clothes because he was trying to make a point that this wasn't like you're not going to work out. And then once I was trying to run up the stairs, he physically kept trying to like pull me back, like literally trying to hold me back from moving forward with my life. And that night, like a fight went too far. And I said that you need therapy or we can't do this. And he said, if you were a better partner, I wouldn't need to talk to a stranger. And then I like moved out that next day and like blocked him on everything. Oh my God. So and did he let you let you let you?

I think people probably wondering like how did you get out of this? I mean, this guy wasn't like a physical abuser. Like, did he let you go? He was very upset. He was definitely a controller. Yeah. But he was not, I'm not saying that he's a terrible person. He was terrible to me.

And I wasn't perfect either. It's like there's that Fiona Apple song that I love so much called Werewolf. And it's like I could liken you to a shark the way you bit off my head, but I was the one waving around a bleeding old wound. So it was like, oh, I need to figure out what about. me, like why I got myself into that situation and really work on that myself. So that's what I've been doing. Yeah, which is not like blaming yourself, but it is like, how did I get here? Yeah. Because I was, it takes, I was a willing participant in a toxic relationship. Right. And so

that takes a lot of therapy to unpack. I think that's amazing advice. And the person that I was talking about who was so tremendously emotionally abusive to me, it ended. And I remember crying to my mom who was a therapist and saying, like, why did he cheat on me? And why was he terrible to me and why do you, and she just stopped me and she said, well, you need to ask yourself why you stayed in this situation? And she wasn't blaming me. She wasn't saying like, why did you let somebody treat you like that? But it was sort of at least a reality check for me of like, okay, I need to stop asking why he did these things because it doesn't matter. I'll never get answers. And I need to ask myself like, why did I let this person erode me for so long? And by the

way, a lot of it was my age. Like if someone is sitting there saying to you like, well, you're so young and you know, you don't understand this, then they should understand why they want to date somebody so young. I never even could thought about that at the time. Like, why are you attracted to me if I'm such an infant? Yeah, if you're so immature and emotionally unfulfilling, well, what are you dating me for? It's clearly so you can manipulate me. Yeah. And my rock and hot 21-year-old bod. Right. So, but you were able to like break it off. Yes. Okay. Yeah. And that was amazing. And that was, that was several years ago and I started, it was like, once I started to get traction in Hollywood, um, in my small amount of success, that really helped me. I just focused entirely on work. And, yeah, just started working nonstop.

Okay, so let's talk about where you went, your next job after that, which was working for the Kardashians. Yes, working for the Kardashians out in Los Angeles. It's like the job. It is the job, yeah. I was a creative assistant writer and then worked up to associate producer

on cocktails with Chloe until it got canceled with a K. Canceled with a K. I just remember seeing you on like, like, Facebook and was like, oh my God, this is, what is, this girl is incredible. Like, she's working for, and then you would, you would post like a screenshot of you, like, texting with Chris. I'm like, what?

Can I have her phone number? I'm sure it's changed a lot of times, but, true. Like, of course there's things that I, I'm unimpressed with how the Kardashians have been handling their workers, their wealth, things like that. But I have to tell you that I have, like, mad respect for them. And so, like, I'm not going to vote for Kanye.

Right. Chris Jinner is amazing. And I will tell you that her phone she has on like the large view texts. Like her font is like big. She is old. I'm kidding. And her, she has a text ringtone,

which is Gold Digger. And it just says like, can you free you my mama? Oh my God. Every time she gets a text. I mean, like it would be really weird if she had like one of their exes, like if Tyga played over the phone every time somebody called.

I thought, I found it so charming. I was like, this is exactly what I want. And then you could see over her shoulder who she's texting because her font is so huge. So it's like, can you hang you my mom? And then it's like Justin Bieber. And she's like, hey, babe.

She was just so funny. Like one day on set, she just had me carry around her purse and like a bowl of wheat bins. And I was like, guys, I'm just going to be following around Christianer for this whole episode. Like I can't all like give away my other responsibilities. It was a dream from Kim. I would carry snacks around for literally any of them. Even Courtney.

Like just to hang out. Like even the kids. Even the kids snacks. Yeah. So did you interact with Chloe a lot? I mean, you're working on her show. Chloe the most, yes. And a lot of people might not remember this show.

Yeah, it was a one. It was not a good show. I don't remember it. I'm sorry, Chloe. It was not a good show. You would go to her house. Like, she would just like get drunk with her friends, basically. Basically.

It wasn't actually her house. It was a set in the sound studio in Van Nuys. I feel like you could, but I mean, that's, I don't think that's a big secret. No, it was modeled after. Yeah. It was modeled after her house. So a lot of like, basically, probably the cheaper versions of the furniture she has, like.

all to look. And it was kind of cool because it was a cam. The set would be closed, so they wouldn't be able to see the cameras. They were like, it was almost Big Brother style. Yeah. And they would just get like lit.

They would get lit and play games. Yeah. And one of my favorite memories from that set, I don't know if this ever aired. We had like a prank call, a segment that I don't think went on for long. But there was, who's the guy who used to say major key

and has that son. DJ Callet. Yes. Okay. So DJ Callow was supposed to be a guest and he didn't show up that day. And so I forget who else was on. But Chloe and probably some of the sisters, they decided to prank call their mom, Chris.

And she's driving around Calabasas and she's saying, DJ Cala didn't show up. Chris doesn't know she's being recorded. And she's like, DJ Callow didn't show up. Mom, I'm so embarrassed. We don't know what to do. We're all just like sitting around like these. We're going into overtime.

We have no guest today. And so her mom literally said, I just pulled past Drake's house. Let me just like, let me just pull up. And like she literally was on. the phone and like banging on Drake's store, like, about to be like, hey, can you just come with me to Van Nuys real quick? That's how dedicated Chris Jenner is.

She's amazing. I just happen to be driving by Drake. She's like, let me turn around. And she's like, ready to go bang on his store. Chris pulled a Ui in her Bentley. Also, I just have to say, this, I feel like people are like, how did Ashley watch a show when Raina didn't? Why was Ashley watching the show?

Oh yeah, because you're not the big, uh, no. Yeah. I've watched plenty of the Kardashians. I stopped watching it this season. I just decided I'm quitting. But, um, for multiple reasons. I only watch it because you were for the writer.

That's really nice. Yeah. Like I was like, I know somebody that works on the show. Yeah, I've like had a connection to it. Like I wouldn't watch it otherwise. No offense, Chloe.

We love you. We'd love to have you on. She's a drink guest friend. Any of the faces that you have that week, Chloe, we'll have all of them. Bring whatever face you want. We'll even do a Zoom filter for you. Oh, yeah.

But anyway, so that's because I feel like people are like, what? Like, I'm not so dedicated that I'm watching all their spin-off shows. No. I haven't even ever watch Revenge Body. Did you watch, did you watch Chris Jenner's talk

show. I saw one episode when Kanye was on. She had a talk show. She had a talk show. It was the same production company that I was working for that did her talk show. And it was supposed to be set in her foyer. You know how she has like those double stare at cases? Well, we just wanted to spill a little Kardashian tea. So thank you so much. Everybody's going to go out and get wheat thins because Chris needs them. She does. They like the wavy kind. There's wavy

weed then. There was like wavy chip kind. Yeah. But I still have like celebrity riders that I like love to tell people about. Can you tell us something? Um, so like P Diddy had a whole, we had to do like a whole deli spread for P. Diddy. Um, but like the best was Snoop Dog and, um, his rider was like all munchies. Like it was like, uh, it was like very important seven bags of, um, barbecue fritos, the twisty kind. And it was like double underlined. And he had like a huge posse and they just hotbox the green room. And I had to go in there to like do like get them to sign some stuff and do like a little pre umble and straight up got a contact high i bet anybody else keep let's keep this going um hmm chrissey tegan and john legend

came on when chrissey was super pregnant uh and they sent over a rider but they never even went into the dressing room christie's like i'm just going to whip something up it's from cravings um no rider needed just send me a full kitchen i'm going to do this myself yeah she catered she catered she catered she catered this show i like that her and john were like we won't be there long enough to need a green room. We're all set. They were like, they were so sweet because it was such a terrible show and like they tried to save it. So like the last episode was Kim and Kanye and John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. And they were so gracious. Like all of the like Kanye was the sweetest, kindest. Like you could just see how much he loved his wife so much that he was going to go on this shitty show to make her sister happy and like. But don't vote for him. We don't want to like make him. We don't want to like you in the Q&S it too much. Just because you can go on a reality television show doesn't mean that you should be the president of the United States. Exactly. Exactly. And I love your music. I don't want you to be my fucking president. That's all. Yeah. Some people are good

at reality TV, bad at presidenting. You know? Yeah. No name's Donald Trump. I'm sure that you guys are all wondering what Ashley and Mize rider has on it. So Ashley and I have a rider. I think it's just sandwiches.

The whole rider is like sandwiches and bottles of rosette and that's like it. When we first got it, it was like really intense. We, the our agency just did it for us and it said like cheese and me and then assorted sandwiches. And we didn't see it for like a few shows. And so we would be like, why are what all these sandwiches doing? We're like, we didn't. We don't need sandwiches. We're not crushing sandwiches before we go on stage. And so then we switched it to just meat, meat and cheese and like hummus and like vegetables and stuff like that. And then there's like rosettes on their stuff.

And if we have, if we have a, do you have a specific brand that you ask for? We just asked for use like a light, like a flat, not sparkling, like a like a light colored flat rosette. We don't care. I mean, sometimes they give us Whisper an Angel, but sometimes we get like, you know, two cans of Coors Light

and a bottle, a box of wheat then. Yeah, it's really amazing to watch how every venue interprets this. Like, some venues we get there and there is the most beautiful meat and cheese platter

you've ever seen in your life. But like, some places we get there and people are like opening up cans of like Vienna sausages to like dump into a, jump into a bowl for us.

And then like there's like craft singles on a, on a place. We went to one place, a one city. I'm not going to say which. and there was just crackers, nothing to dip in the crackers. But I don't make it out with that guy at the end of the night that set it up. So it was fine. It worked out.

Well, your mouth was probably so dry that you needed to lubricate. Oh, yeah, they just had the box crackers. Okay. So thanks for the Kardashian tea. Oh, you're welcome. And then you lived in L.A. and did you move back here to the East Coast because of your mom? Because of my mom, which my mom is the co-host of my podcast, stage four. Klinger. And I'll get into the name because she has stage four breast cancer. And I was, I was living in Los Angeles. And I had like a month between jobs. Like I'd finished working on a

movie and I was about to go start working on a television show. And so I was like, all right, I'm still kind of like screwed up in the head from this traumatic relationship. I'm just going to go home for a month. I haven't been home for that long ever. And so while I was home, she was like, I just have to go get a quick biopsy because one of my mammograms came back, your regular. So we did that and went to lunch. And then a couple days later, we get the call that says, like, you need to come into your doctor's office. And we were just like, oh, shit. Like, I did not believe that it was happening until that moment.

And I was like, all right, I got to take a shower. And then the landslide came on my shower playlist, which is not normally on my shower playlist. And I just, like, slid down the wall and started crying. A little Fleetwood Mac to really get you. And I decided to, I pushed my job back for a little bit. And then once we found out how bad the cancer was, I ended up staying to help her through her first, like year and a half of recovery.

And then went back to L.A. And then came home for Christmas. COVID hit. And I kind of relocated back to Maryland again. Yeah. Okay. So this is recent. You're currently going through this.

Yes. Yeah. Okay. I was back in LA for about two years after. So my mom was diagnosed about three years ago. Okay. And your dad has passed. Yes.

So while I'm home taking care of my mom, my dad, bless his heart, did the best he could with. He, before he, like I said, our family, our entire family is a victim of the opioid crisis in this country. Because when you have a parent who's addicted to opioids and an alcoholic, it, it just permeates throughout the whole family. And so around the time that my mom was diagnosed, I had cut off contact with him because I needed to be there for my mom and he was always such an antagonistic character in our family.

And they had separated. And it was like, I don't think she'll mind me sharing this, but it was like the saddest moment after she was diagnosed, there was like this moment that she's like, I can leave your dad. Like I can finally do this because she was a victim of manipulation and psychological, like, control and all that stuff. So, and, you know, you always, you always kind of fall into the same relationships that your parents had if you don't go to any therapy.

It explains a lot. But he, his body just ran down in like a year after her surgery, he just passed away quietly at his apartment on the couch. suddenly. And it was such a difficult time because of course I loved my dad, but I felt this sense of relief because I really truly felt like he's just so tortured like on this plane. Like, I don't know what the next life has in store, but like if there is anything, like he's done here. Like he's never going to, he's never going to get sober. He's never going to like get his life together. So it was like feeling a sense of relief when losing a parent is a very confusing feeling. And like I went through a lot of different grief and I miss him in certain aspects. But yeah, that was definitely

a confusing time. And I just kind of like went right into like, I had a broken ankle at the time and just like took my cast off and started driving to like the funeral home and like to the flower place and just took care of everything because that's the like relationship that I have with my mom. I'm more of the caregiver. And so that was a really intense couple of years. So I guess I didn't realize this was just a few years back. Yeah. He passed. passed away two years ago. Okay. Well, you know, I'm so sorry and just thank you for sharing and being open with us about it. It's so tough to lose a parent regardless of whatever your relationship was with them. Yeah. So you've had two extremely different experiences, one where you

sort of watched a parent kill themselves and you weren't able to help. And this other one where you actually do get to be a part of it and, you know, help her and feel like, you know, you're, you're responsible for her care. And I can't imagine one of those things. I mean, neither of those things are good or preferential to the other. And you've really been through so much. Yes. Thank you for noticing. I mean, how do you cope? Like, how did you deal with the grief of I definitely didn't have the healthiest coping mechanisms. I finally, through like doing a lot of work, like I started coping with drinking, which it's like, if drinking has plagued our family for so long, that's not the thing to turn to.

I was like just, I was like partying, going out as much as, trying to move as fast as I can. So I didn't have to like really slow down and process at all. And it was once I moved back to LA that again, this time, it was just a couple months of like on decompressing and unpacking everything that happened was like, oh, you need to continue with therapy. Okay. Yeah. So therapy, yeah. Therapy is number one. And I'm a part of groups like Al-Anon and a group for like, codependent recovery. If people don't know what Al-Anon is, will you just explain what that is?

Yeah, so it's fantastic. It's for the loved ones of alcoholics and addicts, and it's really to teach you, because it's such a difficult thing, loving an alcoholic or an addict. And it's basically a support group for the families and loved ones, but it's not, like, you don't go there and just, like, complain.

Like, it's very empowering. It's like, okay, well, then if you can't engage with this person, then you need to switch your behavior. It's very much like, what can I do to not feel this way anymore? Instead of being like, isn't it just so terrible? Like, because alcoholics are people, like alcoholics and drug addicts. And it's hit people in my family who haven't hurt me the way that my dad did. And I have so much love and empathy for people who struggle with the disease of addiction.

But like I said, it permeates into the entire family. So like so many of my relationships, so many of my friends, so many things that were wrong in my life were stemming from an inability to process what I went through. So what was it like to date while you were sort of struggling with your father like that? And were you able to date? Do you bring it up? Do you talk about it? I would really not talk about it very much in the past. Now I feel like I've done a lot of like healing and growing and maturing. But I made a lot of, I would get like very very, very, very much. I would get like very attached very quickly, like after my dad died while my mom was going through breast cancer,

I would decide that like, this is the, this is the reason I'm going through this. Like I would kind of get into a, like, a relationship with a guy and I'd be like, I'm playing out a hallmark movie. I had to move home to my cute small town to take care of my mom through breast cancer and it's all going to be so I could find the love of my life. Yeah. So like I'd say that I got like a little bit delusional, diluted probably, uh, because I was, wasn't, like, processing in a healthy way. So I took myself off out of the dating scene for, like, a full year. And, like, I was like, I'm not going to have sex for a full year.

I'm not going, I'm just going to, like, focus on myself. And then it was, like, a year and a half. Like, I loved it so much that it was a year and a half before I, like, had sex again with a random bartender in Memphis when I was driving through. When I was driving through. Okay, I just, I can't recommend that enough for the drive now. Can't recommend that enough, but also can't recommend enough this, like, year of, like, finding yourself salibacy.

and even like it works in other ways too. Kelly Knight, who was a good friend of ours, we had her on. She took, I don't know if it was a year or for six months. She just kept finding herself in these bad patterns of relationships. And I think she talked about it where she just did a date. Like sometimes you just have to stop completely. Like, and of course I can imagine that happening when there's a lot of trauma going on. Yeah, I really had the wrong patterns.

I had the wrong mindset about dating. And I just had to, I had to do a reset. And now I trust myself to date, but I can't because of the coronavirus. And I'm quarantined with my mom. My mom is like, if you date, they're going to have to come and live with us for two weeks before the first day. Can you imagine? Before you guys sleep together.

But I love what you're saying, which is to like give yourself permission to kind of like release the pressure valve a little bit and not, you know, just accept that you're not going to date and you're allowed to heal and like you'll find somebody. but like it's not great to date when you're super broken either because then I think you look for people to find to help you and that's that's not great either yeah I think I was looking for like a quick fix which there's never a quick fix and except your dog except my dog my dog really we'll talk about that yeah Jolene I love you so much does anybody hear you say that and not start singing the song yeah everyone sings the song to her and she loves it but yeah it really took the pressure off um I feel like I

had this societal pressure, especially after getting engaged young and not having it work out. I felt like I need to be married at a certain time. I need to be doing this, this and this. And then I was like, who are you trying to prove this to? Like ex-boyfriends? Are you trying to prove this to like aunts and uncles whose opinions you really don't care about? Like, why do you feel this sort of pressure of this timeline? And so I'm turning 30 this year and I'm thrilled that I'm not married. Yeah. Absolutely thrilled. 100%. Well, I really want to talk about dealing with a mom who was sick and just like so many of our listeners. And, I mean, they've even messaged me once I've been on your podcast. I mean, breast cancer is so many women have breast cancer.

So many women have breast cancer. And men, too. Yeah. Yeah. And all kinds of cancer. And people have to watch their parents go through this. And A, I want to talk about the podcast because I think it's so incredible. you guys are coping and such and you're coping with humor.

Yeah, we like to use that as a coping mechanism. Yeah, is that always how it's been? Or like, what are you, you talk about it. I mean, I think people are. Humor has always been a coping mechanism in my family, especially since we for so long were wasps that were ignoring that our father was an alcoholic addicted to oxycon. You got out of just, we weren't like, yeah, humor was definitely the healthiest

of the coping mechanisms that we had. But my mom and I were always close, but we had so many things to work through from our past trauma with my dad. And then with all of this, it kind of put us in this spot where we were like, we need each other so much and we need to figure out. Like we had to just heal like our past traumas.

Like I had resentments against her for not leaving my dad. And she had resentments against me for being a very difficult sexually promiscuous teen. So we worked through a lot of those issues and we're so different. Like I'm very open. Oh, she's, I mean,

I can't, like, if you're thinking that she's Cindy Hustleton, she has a southern accent. You can just picture her in like pearls at church on a Sunday. Oh, yeah. I need to, when I heard her talk the first time,

I was like, what? Like, this is not who I would picture to be your mom. She's just the opposite of you. She's a complete opposite to me. She's very strong Christian woman. And like, she's like, always wearing pearls, always has like a, like a collar that's been like starched.

I don't even, I don't even know how to do that. She's an insurance agent. I know. She's an insurance agent. She's just like very prim and proper. So you guys have not always been super close. Like we've always loved each other. But not been like friends.

But not been like best friends. Yeah. So the friendship has really, really developed much stronger. Because it was so hard on her when I started doing stand-up. Like my first video that I released of doing stand-up was me talking about having sex in a storage container in Staten Island. Oh, my God.

She was just horrified. Yeah, it was really hot. Shout out. Hey, Al-Han. With a Staten Island guy? No, he was Turkish. He was working at the storage facility. Listen, you know what?

Say no more. I can't resist a Turkish man, so I understand. You were like, I will find any container to have sex with this person. Yeah. We were at his like boss's house. His boss's like house and Staten, not house, but like, it was like a luxury building in Staten Island. And there was like a storage unit like down in the basement. We took the elevator too far and we were like, fuck it. And it was so terrible because it was like cement and fluorescent lighting. And it was just like everyone was storing their

stuff there. So it was like different family stuff in the corners. So we would start having sex and it was so painful on the cement. So we were getting like children's coats to put like under our knees. And like we made the starter jackets. Who's kids? Children's coats. She's like, I will not fuck on an adult's coat.

Only kids coats. I was like, give me that bright pink power range shirt. That's your king. That's my children's clothing. That's why I would have so many crop tops because it's really just children's clothes. This is a children's dress. I mean, don't I look like I'm dressed like a child?

Yeah. I'm going to put that on my, I only fuck on Jet's puffy coats. Yeah. Oh my God, is it a child's Dallas Cowboys starter jacket? Come all over that, Daddy. Yes, Daddy. We made like a little rats nest and then we passed out and like woke up the next morning.

We were like, oh God. I had to go to work. Yeah, Claudia would definitely disapprove. Yeah, yeah. So it's been hard for her. It's so funny too because there's been a few episodes that haven't been able to air of our podcast because they made her too uncomfortable. Like we interviewed my ex-boyfriend and he and I are very open about like,

how we were compatible and how we were not compatible, and a lot of that is sexually. The kids, the kids clothes. Yeah. He just couldn't find a kid's t-shirt that hung on him well. So it didn't work. It didn't work. It didn't work out.

And so we had to re-record that episode because she was so uncutte. Like, she was like, I'm so sorry, Kate. Like, I wish that you could just go out there and talk about dicks and tits and twats and whatever. But, like, that's just not our podcast. That's not our brand. It's not our brand. You're having a brand.

We are truly. Communication breakdown with your mom. Yeah, yeah, we truly did. In the brand meeting, I just imagine like a whiteboard. It's like do's and doze and dots. Oh, yeah. Dicks, titties and twas is in the don't column.

That's where I draw the line, Kate. That's where I draw the line. And then she pulls the cancer card. She's like, and you know what? I'm going to make the final call on this. She always, she loves to like, like if I don't want to do something, she's like, I have cancer.

Kate. Can you go get me? me a glass of water. You said something, I don't want to get too far away from here because I think that you and Ashley, I'm just interested to see your feedback. But you mentioned that she is still sort of like experiencing a little bit of like, you didn't use the word trauma, but she's like pissed at you for how you were in high school and growing up in the resectionally perplexed.

And Ashley and her mom and me and my mom have very different relationships in terms of like how the two of us were. And, you know, I'm envious when Ashley and her mom get going about how Ashley was growing up because her mom feels very light about it. We laugh about it. And it's funny and fun. And I think her family doesn't feel today personally victimized by like normal childhood behavior. Yeah.

And my mom will constantly bring up stuff that I did when I was like 15, 16, 17, and tell me that I was the most selfish person that's ever lived. And she's had a hard time moving on from it. And it, you know, she'll still bring that up and throw up my face. And I'm in my 30s. And it's difficult for me because I think that you're like, why are you hanging on to these ideas of me? Yeah, get over it.

Like, why are you hang on to these ideas of me that don't exist anymore? Like, first of all, everybody was an asshole when they were 15. Everybody sexually experimented. And experimented with drugs. I wasn't, I was like pretty good. But at least for me, like a coping mechanism I found for that is like, I have thanked her for it. And I instead of telling her all the time that she's wrong, I've like acknowledged that

she like went through a lot. She was a single parent. It probably fucking sucked for her as a way to just like move on from it. And I think that like now that she feels heard a little bit, she doesn't have to bring it up as much. That's an excellent point. Yeah. Yeah.

She needs to be validated. Somebody needs to just tell her like, thank you. I appreciate that you struggled and sacrificed being a single mother. And I think that like once she felt heard, she's at least brought it up a little less. You know, like five times that we can set a 10. That's a huge part of my mom and I's like closeness is that we now will acknowledge each other's stuff. Like, like, I feel heard.

Like, she'll be like, I'm really sorry that I, that I, like, contributed to you being in a house with your dad. And I'll be like, and I'm really sorry that I, you know, didn't make it easy. Like, once you take accountability and, like, take away the weaponization, like, because you get to decide how much something hurts you. So now when my mom cracks a joke about me sneaking out of the house at 13, um, instead of being like, well, I was dealing with so fucking much. Just be like, yeah.

And I, uh, egged a cop's house too. Right. Double down on it. Double down. Yes, and. Yes, and it. Yeah. But I like that.

Yeah. I like that you brought that up, Raina. We talk about Raina and her mom a lot. Like on this podcast, but also I do. So, I mean, I don't want to, you know, bring the move down so much.

But, I mean, humor aside, you guys have this podcast, which was very cool. It's basically like Claudia's bucket list. And you guys, I was so honored to be on one of the first episodes as people, you guys have an amazing guests.

Thank you. I'm so, surprised. It's been, but I mean, it's the cancer thing, you know. I know. My mom was like, why don't you just take the cancer card out for a spin, see who you can get? That's how we're booking guests from now on. Yeah, it's like a make-a-wish. So you guys do this really fun thing. It's like that brings the humor and I'm sure you guys inject humor in your life's day to day, but like there's dark moments. I mean, you know, like how do you cope with the thought of potentially losing

your mom? Yeah. And because it's a real thought because she's going to, so with stage four cancer, it's in your bone. So she has. So she has. it in her bones from like her neck down to her hips. So she's going to have cancer for the rest of her life. Like she can't do chemo. And we're hoping that like the medicine that she's on right now is a hormone therapy and it's like an oral chemo tablet that she takes like once a month. And when that stops working, then it's like that's the last option. So that is a really terrifying thought. And it's really sad and I'll be devastated when I lose my mom. And it'll just be like a screaming deficit in my life. But it's been such a blessing also because it made us go through

and like face things from our past, our relationships. We're so close. I feel like I can talk to her about anything. And I just really appreciate her so much because I know that it's made me realize in every aspect of my life like tomorrow is not promised. And I will lose my mom someday. And it's going to suck so bad. But it makes me like, it's just changed my life completely to like enjoy it so much more. Reconnect with her. Yeah, reconnect. And like we enjoy each of those company. Like we enjoy talking to guests on our podcast. And like I love seeing how happy she gets when I get like someone she's obsessed with on there. And it's changed. It's just like I've always been an anxious person. and for some reason it's kind of helped my anxiety

because it's like, why am I going to waste time worrying about this when life is so short and being anxious is like worrying about something that you're going to have to worry about in the future. Like, don't worry about it right now. I don't know. It's just made me really savor every single day. My biggest fear in life is my parents passing. I mean, it's just like we're so close.

but like moving home with them during the COVID and then I lived with them between moving from Atlanta to New York. Like I just, it made me feel like if they unexpectedly something happens, I feel like I've like savored this. I've lived with them again. Like we became so close on such a different level that, you know,

had anything happened to them when I still lived in Atlanta. It's just I would have felt like I didn't get enough time. Like I'm not telling everybody to move back home with their parents for three months. But like it just made me feel like, okay, I feel like one day they're going to pass and I won't have any regrets about, you know, talking through stuff that happened in our past or like spending that like heavy, heavy amount of quality time with them. I mean, like, I just, I think it's so important. Like the last thing you want is for a parent or a grandparent to anybody to pass and be like, I wish I would have spent

more time. Absolutely. And that's exactly right. That's exactly how I feel. feel that I feel like I am lucky. Like I lost my dad suddenly with a lot unresolved. But like I got a heads up like years before that like your mom's not going to be around forever. So I just, I feel like when she does pass, I will not have a single regret because I'll be like we've talked like it's going to suck every time that I go through something new and wish that I could talk to her about it. But it's like we've talked through all of our issues. We've got to travel together. We've gotten to do this podcast together. Like I've just wanted to do everything that she wants to do

within my own boundaries that my needs are still met, healthy flex on you guys. Learn that in therapy. Learn that in therapy. But yeah, it's like, and it really, I realized that I wanted to relocate back to the East Coast for as long as she's around because I want to be around,

like her as long as she has left. I think it's a beautiful reminder. that like, you know, tomorrow isn't promised with your parents. And I had a health scare with my father. And, you know, I committed to at least just, I answer the phone every single time my parents call me. And, you know, I've especially been more, you know, cautious about the fact that this is happening and the world is quarantined and wanted to just check in with them a lot. But I don't think that you should live every day of your life thinking that somebody might die tomorrow, so I better be good to them. But, and, you know, it certainly doesn't give anybody on earth permission to treat you badly, but they are your parents.

and I would fight, you know, to have a relationship. And my mom and I have gone through a couple times where we weren't speaking for long periods of time. We went through two very long periods of time. And the second time, I remember a girlfriend of mine was getting married and her mother died suddenly right before the wedding. And my thought, and she was so devastated, of course, her mother couldn't be there. And my thought was like, you know, I'm so lucky that I have this person that could stand next to me the day that I get married. And I called her a few days later and just squashed it. And, you know, we had a lot of things to work out.

But, you know, my mom, even though we emotionally sometimes tear each other down, my mom tried really hard growing up. She's not a bad person. We just don't get along all the time. And it is a good reminder that, like, you should try to fix these relationships. And now I will look back and be grateful for the time that we had together instead of having given up that relationship because we were pissed at each other all the time. Absolutely. And I am a bit, because I've had both ways of it. Like, I am a big advocate of like, if you have a toxic parent, feel free to cut them out. like you do not have to have somebody in your life if they only are bringing you turmoil. I agree. But if it is something that

is salvageable, I do recommend because I also, I feel like my life is so much richer having this close relationship with my mom. Yeah. Like she just, it's an opinion or a point of view of this weird southern woman

that I get all the time. And I, the difference between, there's a difference between toxic, and you don't like something about them that you just have to learn to live with. I think Raina's done such a great job of not letting her mom get to her. I think that, you know,

you even said like five years ago, three years ago, the way that she is, the things she would say would like take you down and like kind of put you out for the day and now you just like let them kind of roll off your back and it's something that you've had to learn.

And, you know, I don't know your mom in and out but like sometimes I think you just have to let it go. I mean, and a lot of times I hate to say it, sometimes this is even like politics. like people just like you can only get to a certain point and there has to be this like acceptance of like this is who this person is. And it's not my job.

Like some people plant the seeds. Some people water it and some people get to harvest it. It's not my job to turn my crazy aunt Sean into a non-Trump report. And I hate that thought of it. I think you should try and try and try and we're going to talk about this more as we get closer to the election. But like let's not even say politics. Just whatever it is like you might not have this relationship that you see somebody

else have with their parent and that's okay. but like cutting them out and not speaking to them is not the answer and I'm not shitting on you. It's like it's you had to realize that yourself. Yeah. And I mean, my mom again is not some terrible person. We just like, oh God, no. She says, I mean, we're both very sensitive to each other. So she says a thing that I would not interpret that badly coming from my dad probably.

But because she says it and I feel like she's the enemy, it spirals out of control. And then I say something shitty and she says something shitty. And this is very much both of us. And I was spending so much time like I needed to defend. myself in every argument. I needed to prove to her that she was wrong and I needed to show her that her opinion of me was not correct and everybody likes me and I'm so great. And I think once I accepted that like I don't need to be right all the time and it is more important to me to get along with her. Yes. And then also it was a choice. I didn't feel like I was losing. I mean, listen,

you're going to lose every argument with your mom anyways. Yeah. So like instead of me banging my head against a wall, I did decide that it was more important to get along and to not prove to her all the time that she was wrong and to not be creating these situations where everybody was upset. My brother, my dad, my stepdad, and everybody's like, why are you too so fucking like this all the time? And we haven't had a fight in like three and a half years. Thanksgiving, three and a half years ago, we called the Thanksgiving Massacre. We had a huge fight.

And that was the last time we had like a real serious fight. And honestly, we are just so much healthier together. And she's a fan of the podcast. And someday I will lose her like everybody. but I'll know that I made this relationship as good as I could. Absolutely. That's huge. And what you were saying about, like, just deciding not to take offense to it,

like that is what's in your power. And it seems so unfathomable to a lot of people who have tension in their relationship with their parents. Like, I was in this one Al-Anon meeting in L.A. And this woman, she's what they call it, double winner. So she's an alcoholic and is the product of alcoholics. And she was sharing and she was saying she had a, like, her family did some really fucked up stuff to her like lots of generational trauma and when she got into

when she started in the program AA, her sponsor said, you need to write your mom and grandmother a note every week. Like send them a note, like send them a card and write something nice. And the woman was like, why should I do that? They don't reach out to me. They're la-da-da-da. And she's like, that's not in your control. You can control that you write them a note every week. And then she said that she heard back like six months later and her grandma said can you start writing them in pencil because we're having to wipe them out when we reuse

the cards and her of course like that is such a fucking awful like you're like I can't even imagine how she wanted to like flip out like I'm sending you these cards and you're like wiping them out like reusing the cards and she goes and you know what I fucking did I did I started writing the cards in pencil and she's like and it took us three years and I have a

healthy relationship with them she's like but I did everything that was in my control I know. You're shaking. I know. I feel so, I mean, yeah, like, but it's not a rational thing to ask. So, like, if you're going to fight with somebody that asked you to do that, like, you're not going to win anyways and they're still going to want you to do it. Exactly. She's like, and you know what I did? I wrote, I started writing a pencil. And it's such a huge breakthrough for me where it's like, you can only take control of what is in your control. So if you want to have a better relationship with anybody in your life, you can decide to, you can decide to, to take everything that they say to you with love, and you can decide to give love back and accept them. You have to meet people where they're at right now. Yeah, but and also, you know,

there was a reason why they made that dig at her. Oh, yeah. Part of it was probably that they were feeling guilt from her even sending a card. And they're like, fuck you for making us feel like shitty people. Yeah. You know, like whatever. I'm not going to analyze this grandmother. I know, but I love how much it really shook you.

I'm so mad. I know. Because she's already being the bigger. person and then they're like also stop doing this. Can you? Yeah. Please keep sending. It, the good, there's a happy ending that they were able to repair this relationship. It only took three years of pencil

letters. Of pencil letters. I would never. Okay, I would just send some stationary to them and be like, problem fixed. Yeah, but then she was like, she said that her sponsor said, nope, you were just going to keep sending just the cards. Like, you're not going to start buying them things other than you're just going to, but you're going to write a pencil now.

Yeah. I know. I know. I know. think you got to just do whatever it feels healthy to you. So if having that fight, I guess, makes you feel healthy than have it. And if letting it go makes you feel healthier, that's the best thing to do. And for me, like, I don't need to pick every battle with my mom, which I always did. And letting this step go, you'd think it would make me feel like I'm losing all the time. But it doesn't.

And it makes me feel like we're winning the war. Well, the war at least for me is that like we get to have a relationship and travel and hang out with each other and enjoy it. That doesn't even if I'll fight all the time. her constantly, but we don't fight, you know? Yes, yeah. And that's true. You have to think, and I think about this in romantic relationships and everything, like, what's your ultimate goal? Like with your friendships, whatever. It's like, do I, is it worth me picking this battle right here when my ultimate goal is here? And if it is like,

no, I need to pick this battle, then do it. But really like, try to zoom out as much as possible. Yeah. Yeah, look at it like from the top. Yeah. The thing I think, though, that people struggle with is that, when it is you and your mom or you and your parent, you're like, I'm the kid. Like, I think that's probably what people are just find themselves screaming in therapy of like, you're supposed to be the parent here. Like, how am I, have to be the bigger person,

have to be the mature one, have to be the one that let things roll off my back. Like, and I admire people that are able to do it. I think Rain is such a great job because sometimes Rainer will tell me stuff about her mom. I'm like, what the fuck? And she's like, I just let it go. But like, I think people are just,

there's no great answer to this besides just doing it and maybe, and going through therapy and working out with professionals, but like, I feel anyone's pain that's just like, I shouldn't have to do this. I'm the child here. Like, you're supposed to be the one that's desperate to repair a relationship. You're supposed to be the one that's parenting

and be the bigger person and the mature person. And it's just like not necessarily what the reality of the situation is. Yeah, yeah. That's why avoiding shoulds and shouldn't is such, like, I've learned that that is a huge thing because it's like, yeah, they should. But like, what does that even mean? Right. To me, I guess, like, what's the difference?

I agree with you. I feel like that growing up all the time. Like we fight all the time, but you're the parent. It's like, all right, well, but that is what this person is like. So you're going to deal with the cards you've been dealt with. And, you know, I think that we can give people permission to be fucking mad about it. But, like, it doesn't matter. Like, you still have to find a way to, like, move on and get along. If that's what's important to you.

And also, I think it's perfectly fine, by the way, if you decide that somebody is really toxic for you. Absolutely. Even if it is your parent to say, you know, no one's allowed to treat me like this, even you. And I need some, either I need space or I need to not talk for a while. but like I did it the wrong way and I just stopped talking to my mother. And that really created a lot of terrible anxiety and problems for not just her, but it reverberates through your whole family. So, you know, I think you have permission to do it.

You know, you could tell somebody I'm doing this. Wow, guys, I'm glad we talked about this. I know. We got a lot of messages of, you know, my parent, my mom, my relationship. Can you guys talk about it more? So I'm glad we did. I want to talk a little bit about the dog thing. Not just because I'm a dog lover and you have a rescue pit.

and all the things that I support. But like, I just feel like seeing your journey was like this dog like saved your life in a way. Totally saved my life. I got her after my father passed away. And, you know, while my mom was still going through, she's always going to be going through breast cancer. But I had like unresolved trauma from a sexual assault in my childhood. I had developed PTSD and it started in college. Like I was diagnosed in college.

And then I felt like I mostly had a handle on it. Really, I felt like stand-up was a really good therapy for me until it wasn't because you're kind of like, I was just, you kind of are like cutting off pieces of your skin. Right. Yeah. Oh, wait, why am I so cold? Just letting people determine yourself worth. It's so fun.

In like a basement and Bushwick. You think I'm funny for a girl? Cool. Can't recommend it enough, guys. Yeah. But after my father passed, I felt like my PTSD is coming back up where all of a sudden I was like having anxiety and groups of people. I was having anxiety just like leaving the house. But it was where, but I like needed so much stimulation that I was like forcing myself.

So then I was just like, I'm going out and I'm drinking a lot so that I can feel comfortable. And then my doctor is like, you don't have to feel that way. And my therapist told me that I should look into getting a therapy dog. Instead of doing it like the like going to like a, and finding a trained dog, I just found this like fucking insane pit bull with alopecia. You just got a dog. And you're like, this will be therapy, right? This will be therapy.

They're like, you should really look into his therapy dogs. And you're like, I'll just pick this pit bull. Yeah, because she's like, she's a beautiful bald. No, but they are, people, I mean, if you, they are the most level, they love harder than any of their dogs. She loves so hard. If you want to feel unconditional love. And she had so many, she had a lot of issues because she had been abused in the, like, like, just like her mom. I've been abused in the past. And like, I remember the first couple weeks, uh, she would wake up from night terrors in the bed with me. Like, just wake up and start barking and shaking. And I would like calm her down and be like, we're safe, we're safe. And it was like, it helped. You were calming yourself down. Yeah. I was calling.

saved each other. We truly did as, like, lame as it is. Like, my friends are like, I can't even deal with, like, the progress that you've made and that she's made, like, she, oh, you're going to make me crap. I know, I can't. Like, and people are like, I didn't save her. She saved me. But, like, I always roll my eyes.

But, like, she really did, like, save my quality of life. Like, I don't think I was, like, near suicide or anything. But my quality of life was terrible. And she is just, like, my best bud. And it's going to be so odd once I start. dating because I got her like when I started not dating. I was like the first year that I had her. I don't know.

Does she like people? She like she loves men. She loves people. She loves kids. Oh, you're so lucky. Yeah. Oh my God. She's like so good with kids. She's dog selective. What's do you like with kids? How. Cannot be around them? Really? At all? Really?

It's like, you train them. You train them to hate kids. It's not safe to have them around kids. Like once they hit like nine, ten, ten. and they can just move through the world like a little bit more of a short adult. Once they're my height at the age of six. Once they're Raina's height, he probably thinks Raina's just a big kid,

but no, he doesn't like, it's their energy. It's the way they approach him. His height and they come up too, they come in too hot. I wouldn't let him alone with any kids. Yeah. Anyway, keep going. Yeah, she's like, oh my God, my friend in California, I would take her over and she has like,

five kids under the age of seven, like the youngest two. And he, the two-year-old dumped out all of Jolene's dog food and started handing it to her piece by piece like from his hand. But she also...

That kid would have no more hands if Dewey, if that was Dewey. I know, but then like, it's so weird because she, Jolene had a bad go of it at dog parks. Like, she was like wild. Like, she got into brawls. Yeah. So... It sued quick.

Yeah, I know. Like the California dog parks were wild. But she's calmed down a lot. lot more since we've been back in Maryland with other dogs and has like her buddies. And like gets along with all the neighbor dogs. So that's huge. And how's her anxiety, night tears? Oh my God. Like she's, she's so much chiller. Like she's just like so happy. Especially she wasn't made for L.A. Like if I, if we do go back, it'll have to be because I can afford like a yard. But I think I'll be, I'll be sticking in the East Coast for a while. But she is just so much

happier with like wide open spaces and people to snuggle. And there's still like moments where she has some trust issue. Like if a dog, the bad thing is if some, if a dog like runs up on her, she's not going to let it go. Like if a dog comes at her, she's like, oh, I'll fucking kill you. Yeah. Okay. I'm not going to stop until I heal you. Exactly. I won't hit first, but I'll hit last. She won't hit first. And so then it's all, we deal with a lot of like prejudices. If like someone's little chihuahua comes up like snarling at her, then she's just like, oh, you want to fucking go? and then they're like, oh, she's aggressive. I'm like, I'm attracted to her.

Oh, you would. I'm going to send you some pictures. She's your voice. She's like, my brother's wife, English is in her first language. And when she met Jolene, she said, this is a very sexy dog. And I was like, did you mean to say sexy? And she said, yes. Yeah, I talked about one time when this, someone in my building, she got down in Dewey's face.

And she was like, we were a sexy little boy. And I was like, I'm sorry, ma'am. What was that? We talked about it. It's a crazy thing to say to an animal. It's so weird. But like, my dog is sexy. like she's very, she's very muscular.

She's like, her vet is my good friend and she's like, she is ideal. Now I've got to keep picks. So it just kind of helped overall, like having something to care for, focus on. Absolutely. And since she's so, it was so good to, I think it was best for me that I ended up getting a dog that failed out of a lot of the service dog training and therapy dog training. Because it was better for me. It allowed me to recover and remain flexible and like active. Like, if she just laid up.

If she was as chill as Dewey, like I would just sit around all day. Like, it's like I've got to get up and like jog with her for three miles. And then I've got to like play in the pool with her. And then I've got to like go and like do, do, do. Which definitely helped me with my recovery and my mental health. Well, I'm glad that you pick the steps to feel better. Yeah, get a dog. Guys, the perfect time to adopt a dog.

You know, we're all in home. Don't get a man. Don't like get a dog. I just don't know. Like the darkest times in my life. I just like all I can do is just like cuddle with Dewey. Yeah. I don't like, did I mean I've had him for 11 years?

I just can't imagine those moments of like not having him. I know. Even though we've had ups and downs too. But like if I'm just feeling anxious, like I'll just get anxiety. Some stuff from here and there. And I'll just have to lay on the floor with him and like hold his paws. And so all right. Well, yeah, we covered a lot.

Thank you so much for sharing everything. Oh, yeah. I'm a very open book. Thank you for your openness and your honesty. And if people want to find you, Instagram, the podcast, tell everybody where they can find all your stuff. Yes. So you can follow me specifically at Kate Nichols on Instagram, 2Ls, 2Zs. My podcast is Stage 4 Klinger with my mom, Claudia.

Follow us on Instagram. Please listen. I think it's really good. Our guest this week is Darcy Cardin, who played Janet on The Good Place. And, yeah, follow along. I have another podcast that's going to come out called Incarcerated Kings. And it's, yes. This is just coming up.

It's about her boyfriends. It's about my boyfriends. Especially with the prevalence of Black Lives Matter, I just really wanted to see how I can use my own platform. And I met this wonderful man named Sam, who has been the last 11 out of 17 years incarcerated and was in a gang and sold drugs. And I'm producing a podcast with him called Incarcerated Kings.

And we're looking for him. I'm so excited about it, but a call out to, you have a much bigger platform than me. We're looking for guests, for designers, audio engineers, recording artists who have been previously

incarcerated to work on this podcast. We know, we know some. Oh, perfect. Derek and everybody, the con body guys. Are you doing this from prison? Is he in prison?

He's not in prison. He's out and he lives like 30 minutes away from me. So we're recording on these in Maryland. Man, I love this. like, you know, if you have, if you're not really, don't know a lot about incarceration and mass incarceration in the United States, watch the 13th. Obviously, if you're recommended enough, that'll shake you to your corn and it'll all click for you. I'm sure you guys are going to address how they just

keep these people in the system forever. Yeah, and how he didn't trust like the foster care. Yeah, just so much stuff. So, wow. Please stay tuned for that. It's, it's going to be good, I hope. Helpful, informative. Informative. Okay. Well, follow you on Instagram, your two podcasts. Claudia, Incarcerated King, Stage 4 Klinger, all the things.

And thanks again. Guys, stick around. We're just going to do another really quick segment to round out this episode. We will talk to you

in a few seconds. Bye. Thank you. All right. We are back. Just the two of us. We have another quick, fun segment for you guys.

I feel like this is appropriate how I knew she was a true friend. Yes. As a theme for how cute and special our doing trip was. Yeah, exactly. How I know.

knew you guys were true friends, you all got nasal swabs to come spend my birthday with me. I was really not looking forward to it and I did do that. And I harassed you about it for a week. To be fair, though, I went to CDMD and every dude there was so hot and actually the pleasure was all my. The pleasure was all my. And we have a new friend, Kate. So big friendship energy on this episode. This is a segment we've done a few times and we just asked you guys how you knew she was a true friend and you gave us your short, quick answers and we're just going to run through a couple of those. Lots of period stuff. Lots of vagina. of smell stuff.

Yeah, lots of poop, vaginas, tampons, the whole thing. I'm not going to start with one of those. This one made me laugh because it's very original. I got guac in the headphone jack of my phone, and she sucked it out. Ew. Oh, that made me feel weird.

I don't know why that made me feel so weird. One time I was drinking my daily harvest smoothie out of my stainless steel straw, but I had pulled it out of the dishwasher and I sucked up some like sediment or sludge from the, I don't even know. Ashley, you know I'm nauseous at my throat. I know. Oh, my God.

somebody like sucking up oh my god are you okay are you gonna throw up you sucked up the gunk I don't know right okay I'm sorry I said anything I feel sick you should be sorry

I like thinking about all the time now when I pull those stainless steel straws out of the dishwasher I like run them through the faucet make sure all the water is coming out the other end I will never forget it I will never forget this also I don't think that girl's being a good friend

I just think she's like a weird obsession with guacamole that's well that's fair I don't think she's understandable and fair I just don't think she like I would not like use this as a basis for a friendship Chip. Okay. These come from Jenny Jones. There's always the top. They're always the top. Okay. She is too. She helped me fish hook out my newber ring. It was in deep. If someone's, if your

friends are sticking their fingers up your vagina, that's your true friend. And second part, and also told the party she actually clogged the toilet when it was in fact, me. Why do I think she did that? I think some people just like give less fox. They're like, fuck it. I'll say it was me. Or you're just the best friend. Honestly, like, I wish I was in the room. while somebody was fishhucking a new ring out of Jenny Jones because I would laugh so hard. I wouldn't do it, but I'd laugh. My butthole was bleeding, so she checked it out for me.

Was you're from like a doctor? I hope you're okay. She waxed my bush for me in the middle of her living room. Spread eagle. She wasn't like, get in the bathtub. She was like, lay down on this rug. She snuck through the forest with me to spy on my ex and his friends. girl what forest i love the term forest can you imagine these girls just like in the middle of the

night sneaking through a forest to watch a bunch of dudes like outside of a tent eating like beans out of a can and hurting they're like wearing gilly suits and full gilly suit okay this one makes me sick too but i'm sorry i know you're nauseous um she plucked my long black stray armpid hair with her teeth at a tailgate what she just stick her face and her armpit. You know it smelled because you're outside. You can't pull it out. You can't?

I mean like a hair is like so hard to pull out with your fingers. You got to grab onto that. You know my one nipple hair. I got to tweeze that. Oh my god. You know that you were like smelling funky after tailgating all day. I know we would always bring extra deodor when we tailgated. I love this and I think it's also a great tip.

She switched cars with me so I could stock my ex in a car he didn't recognize. Nice. That is smart. He doesn't know this tags. Okay. She bought and mailed me my first. vibrator because I was too scared to get one. Oh, that's so sweet.

This is a lot to unpack. She drove me to get an STD test by sex toys and a pregnancy test in one day. Okay, this friend is codependent. Yeah, it's too much. It's too much. You're like my best friend. I would ask you to do none of these things with me. That's a lot.

It's too much. I got to draw the line somewhere. Okay, she put on headphones and watched a movie while I banged in our apartment because we didn't have a door. No door. Yeah, I'm confused, but I'm assuming maybe they had like an open concept. I had a friend was like, I got these noise canceling racons. Like, what time was this?

She couldn't have just like gone out and found another plan for four minutes. Maybe it was late. Yeah. Yeah. That's a true friend. I like she didn't cock block you. She would make sure my vaj didn't smell before leaving the pregame. So they're at the pregame and like they're between the pregame and the bar.

And she's like, make sure my vaj doesn't smell. between activities you are going to throw up. This game is called How I Made My Friend Throw Up. And then her friend just what, like, sticks her nose in her pussy. Right. She's like, you're good. That's codependent too. Like, why don't you just wash your pussy if you think it smells?

Like, just go into the bathroom. I can smell my own pussy. No, I'm saying if you think your pussy smells, like, go splash some water on it. If you, like, sweat that much at the pregame. Getting a little pregamey, if you know what I mean. Okay. This is reminiscent of the first. one, we were on a double date and I had to fart and she whispered, do it. I'll say it was me.

When I accidentally in front of a guy I had a crush on it, she claimed it for me. That is true, friend. I would do that for you if you liked a guy and you farted. I don't think I never smelled you fart. But they were in a double date. That means a friend was on a date too. She did not care about that guy. Maybe she was trying to get rid of that guy. Maybe she was like inviting it. She was like, I'd love to fart because I just never want to see this guy again. Just think about double dates we've been on. I thought this was sweet. Lots of period stuff. She switched. pants with me when she realized I had bled through mine before a date. That's a nice thing.

Your friend that goes in the bathroom, which is pants with you. I love that. She dropped me off at my first threesome. Bye, honey. Have fun. A lot of codependency here. Why aren't we taking Uber's to threesome? Hey, I got this threesome. Maybe for safety. Maybe I'm starting quarantine. No, it's definitely not.

You're like, hey, I have these plans. Don't ask. It's a threesome, though. Could you give me a land? Could you give me a land? She held the plastic bag from a, me to piss in in the back of a bus coming back from a wine tour. What if you hit a bump? If you peed on my hand, no.

I would die. Oh, my God. Okay. She gave me her blessing to hook up with her rich uncle. And then there was another thing that it said all caps, rich hot uncle. He was very hot. Like, she needed to specify. So we weren't getting like a creepy uncle picture.

I didn't actually get a creepy. I just thought like maybe somebody closer in age, but you said rich and you sold me. Okay. This one's short and sweet. We found out we hated the same girl at work. that's how you become best friends that's what bonds you quick hatred for a common theme

yeah not even just people just anything yeah I just imagine this happening she got mad at the cops they didn't take her to jail with me when I got arrested you just imagine her like on the side of the road just screaming at these cops like she goes I go

oh my god and then iced tea comes in he's like have fun at Rikers now you're now you're representing Alana or SVU like you know Okay. Never knew Olivia Benton was before today. You don't even know who munch is. You gotta get deeper. I know, I will. I'll go deep. Okay, this is something

I feel like you would do for me. She pushed my 32A boobs together so I could have cleavage for a snap for him. Oh, absolutely. If we're all not like under our friend's breasts pushing them up, what are you doing? Do you mean have friends? This is also really sweet. She got me laundry and pole dancing lessons to help me bounce back after our breakup. I love that. That's so thoughtful. And I'm, I love that idea. Like if you have a friend and you're like, she's so sad. I don't know what to do. Buy her pole dancing lessons.

That's awesome. And we can't recommend Vertical Joe's in Atlanta enough. If you're in Atlanta, vertical Joe's. We love that. Okay. When my ex called, she insisted I put it on speaker so she could listen and keep me accountable. That's some shit. I would have a bitch, put it on speaker.

I don't trust you. I don't trust you. I don't trust you. I don't trust. Give me the phone. Send me the text first so that I can rewrite it and then we will send him a text. United Front, always. Remember when I ended things with that guy and I sent you the text?

ahead of time. Do you remember? It was like five seconds ago. But, and you were like, oh, you're not writing this. I was like, I see the word, I'm sorry. We're going to remove that immediately. You have nothing to apologize for? We're going to redo this. What did I write? Like, no one's at fault here. Asch who's like, um, he's absolutely at fault. That guy was crazy. Yeah. Um, okay. She stole a pregnancy test for me when I was too scared to buy one.

Why didn't she just pay for it? She stole it. She's like, listen, you're being such a little bitch. I'm not only, I'm going to take it. Guys, please don't steal. Please hold. Okay. This reminds me is something me and you would do. She wished me a happy new couch day when my new couch was being delivered. That's the shit that you only do with your best friends. You know the new couch is coming. And again, all form guys. Get that all form couch. Yep. Tie back into a partner. It's just nonsense that like no one else should know. And like you just share that with them. Like we wake up like a lot of days when we used to like do cool stuff like travel and be like happy, I don't know, whatever day.

Whatever day it was. Happy Atlanta Vertical Joe's debt. Yeah. Yeah. All right guys. Well, thanks for we hope you enjoy this episode and you guys know where to find us at Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. New website coming very soon. Guys, it's the sickest website I've ever seen. It's my favorite website of all websites. So it's coming soon.

Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and I can't remember going to find us on Instagram enough. Go to reina.com. She is a great beach pick or tities are out. Go check that out. Ashley, creative directed it. Yeah, I directed it. Ash Hess, Ash, H-E-S-S- is mine.

amazing pictures of Dewey up there. My dog, he was on the vacation too. You know, he was like the man of the house. Pictures of him, you know, just give us a follow. And girls underscore got to eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash girls got to eat. And we will see you guys next week. Thanks, guys. We go week.

Bye.