Girls Gotta Eat - LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

It's time for the long-awaited long-distance episode! We are talking all about long-distance relationships, covering the dos and don't, and sharing our experiences. We discuss trust, balancing travel and schedules, communication, ways to strengthen an LDR, signs that it's not going to work out, when is the right time for someone to move/discuss moving, sexting/phone sex, and more. Before we get into our topic, we catch up on Rayna's surgery and drug-induced purchases, Ashley's couples massage, and we answer the question "Has Love is Blind lost the plot?" Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Clarins: Get 10% off, a free welcome gift, plus free shipping on your first order at clarins.com/gge. Chomps: Get 20% off your first order and free shipping at chomps.com/gge. Nutrafol: Get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at nutrafol.com with code GGE. ZocDoc: Go to zocdoc.com/gge and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's never been more resources, vibrators and apps included, to make a long-distance relationship work. So we have that going for us. Welcome back. I have only a little bit of motion in part of my jaw. Limited mobility jaw over here. No blowout. I don't think I can give a blowshub like this. No.

That's definitely against doctor's orders. I don't think you can't. I can't open my jaw that wide. They probably didn't think they had to tell you, but I'm going to tell you as your other doctor. I actually, like, didn't say when can you do oral? You are having a little bit of Drew Barrymore mouth voice. So I will tell you. I say that with love.

I'm not gatekeeping. I got surgery and I'll tell you guys about it. But I have a little bit of paralysis. Also a hard word to say, a little bit of a lisp. More so than normal. Yeah. Drew Barrymore doesn't look paralyzed. I want to be clear.

You know, she has that mouth. But you know, that's my, like, number one doppelganger, I guess. I know. So even more so. Yeah. Now we're here with Drew today. Paralysis. You know what's like, oh, you know who? Madison LaCroix has the way her. Have you ever seen comedians who do impressions like really heavy on the mouth of the person?

Like, you wouldn't realize how much actors and celebrities you can tell by the way their mouth looks. I'm really good at impressions. I can watch the way somebody talks and do it. I don't listen to them. I watch their mouth. Yeah. Because I watch how their mouth like opens and she tries. Madison LaCroi's funny.

She said she was just born crooked. Oh, she like addresses. Yeah. Stuff like that is cute. working, though. Yeah. Who wants perfection? I'm working on it.

I guess we're all striving for it. Yeah, that's what the surgery was for. All right. Enjoy my list for the rest of the episode. It gets better the more I talk. I can't say spicy. That's a hard one. You did it though.

Or magnesium. That's a hard one. You did a vote. Who's saying magnesium on the rag? A lot of people. Really? It's never been hotter. You talk about magnesium all?

All the time. Remember that Christmas I bought you magnesium? Yes. We had a partner that was magnesium supplements. It's hot right now. Sleepy Girl Mocktails. Oh, right. We did a whole thing on it.

You guys, she's been through a lot. All right, well, thanks for our partners. I'll tell you about my surgery. Speaking of surgery, thanks to ZockDococ for supporting Girls Got to eat. Zocococ is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed. Take your insurance and are available when you need them and treat almost every condition under the sun. Go to Zocococ.com. Go to Zocococop.com.

Sox GGO and download the Zococococop app to sign up for free and book a top-rated doctor. And thanks to Choms, tasty meatsticks packed with mouthwatering flavor for supporting our show. Go to choms.com slash GGE to see. all the delicious flavors and get 20% off your first order and free shipping. I didn't know if tasty was going to be a problem. Choms is a struggle. Dottock.com. That's a struggle.

We'd also like to thank Nutraful for Supporting Girls Got to Eat Nutraful is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement clinically shown to improve visible thickness and strength. Go to Nutraful.com slash quiz to take the quiz and use code GGE to get $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. And thanks to Claren's for Supporting Girls Got to Eat, Claren's multi-active cream provides 24 hour hydration and a smooth, refined complexion with a healthy-looking glow. Go to clarence.com slash g-ge and get multi-active day and night cream for 10% off.

A free welcome gift plus free shipping on your first order. Oh my God. A welcome gift just brought me back to the mall. The Delta Lounge? No. No. Like when you were younger and you go to the mall and you get like free gifts at the makeup and skin care counters.

Okay. So you know that I like hate stuff. So I never ever would take that stuff. But even when you were young? Even when I was young. And I sometimes would have like bags of that stuff and I would just like give it to my mom or friends. Like I know it's such like a part of girl culture. The little perfumes.

Yeah, but I love makeup, skincare stuff. They're so good for travel. Listen, I'm not, I'm not part of that culture. Oh my God. I'm not going to like name other brands because we're focusing on Clarence today. And I love Clarence, by the way. They would do the free gifts too. But some of, you know, those other brands like you'd be like, oh my gosh, is it free gift time?

You would leave them all feeling like you robbed a bank. Rina, I was the mall. Also, okay. This past weekend. Yeah. in Burlington, Massachusetts. Listen, some malls are legit. Was it nice?

Yeah, but it's kind of a blast in the past. And Sparkalize knows I love a mall. So we were up in that airway versus and his parents. And he was like, you want to go to the mall? I was like, yeah. It feels like not much as, I mean, things have changed, but like a journeys was in there. There wasn't anti-ans. There's a cheesecake factory in that mall.

When you walk in, then there's anti-ans right at the end. Bath and Body Works. I got some body lotion. What's that? Victoria's Secret. They still rock sweet peat. by the way. The smell of me having sex for the first time. It's a new

set. It's called like the beach or something. I love a mall. You and I have like gone to the mall on purpose. Columbus, we never missed the mall. Yeah. The Mall of America. It feels so nostalgic. I just loved it. And that mall still was like some deep cuts. I was like this ball. Fucks. A bath and body works. Nothing brings you back.

I went to the mall for Christmas for your brother's baby gifts and for your charm bracelet gift popping all over that mall. I love it. Anyway, so I just had to shout out to the mall and shout out to the mall. Shout out to the mall. You want to let's talk about. Yeah. Your face.

Listen, your girl wanted a jaw line. So I. Who does it? I've never had one. I've always wanted one. So I got a little lipo along my like chin and jaw line. So I'm very swollen. I probably just look how I looked a couple weeks ago.

So I haven't been on camera in two weeks. I've had no alcohol, no coffee, no makeup for over two weeks. My body has like returned to the earth. I've never been this healthy in my whole life. Oh my God. I've just been eating like vegetables and lean protein. And today's the first time I put on any makeup at all. It feels so nice.

It's just, I feel like relaxed. Yeah. You really don't realize how many meals you replace with coffee and alcohol until I don't, until you stop consuming it. But I had a little bit of lipo on my, like, jawline and my chin. And I had this CO2 laser, which, like, resurfaces your skin. Oh, my God. It was so bad. It was great.

I mean, listen, I wasn't awake for it. I can't speak to what it would be like to do it when you're awake. But, so Dr. Barrett, who did my boobs, did this. I just, like, I trust him with everything. I love him so much. Dr. Daniel Barrett, his Instagram is so informative and amazing. We just love him so much. And two weeks later, I'm, like, I'm pretty swollen still.

And basically, you have all these, like, nerves along your jaw line and in your chin. So you can lose the ability to smile a little bit. I can't, I don't have, like, free range of my jaw completely. So when you get lipo, it can, like, mess that up a little bit for a couple weeks, he said. And then the resurfacing, my face just, like, I got it in a Thursday morning and my whole face peeled off by Sunday. Yeah. Like a snake. It was really cool. No, it's like you're shedding. You fully shed. Yeah. It feels like a sunburn. It gets like really kind of like stiff and tight. It looks like your face is covered in coffee grounds. Yeah. I don't know how people do this. The hell of the partner. Yeah. I mean, I got Morpheus 8. I can't remember if I talked about that. That is a laser and microneedling together. It was so painful. And similar effects. And like, yeah, my skin started to peel off. It looked like coffee grounds. I did for not.

Yeah, yeah. Afterwards, it looked like I just got, like, beat in the face with a hot iron or just laid out in the sun. Actually, it's like still, this sounds extreme, but it's less downtime than a lot of other things. But the CO2 laser is like the next step up that's supposed to be even better, but more painful. And I don't know if I can do it. I mean, I had tears streaming on my face when I got Morpheus 8. But I love the results. I just, I was like, I can't go back in. I can't do it again. I want to get the CO2 laser, but I'm like, you got to put me under. You got to be under it. And you want to make sure you're not around anybody for, like, quite a few days. The first day I was like red. The second day, it's like a snake. Your whole

skin peels off. In normal lighting, my face looks so good. So smooth. I feel like I have like the babyest skin. I love the way it feels. And the lipo, I mean, you really don't get results for like four to six weeks. He said, like I'm pretty much back to where I was weeks ago. But I can feel that like my neck and like along my jaw and like rock hard. So it's really swollen. Yeah. That stuff swells. I mean, and people ask me a lot about like my nose if they're thinking of getting a rhino. And it's like, you just can't, like, freak out, you know, right away. Because you'll just be like, oh, my God, I can't smile. I look crazy.

Your eyes. Like, you never know. I had a really great surgery and a great surgeon, Dr. Evchinsky in Short Hills, New Jersey. But, like, they said I was like an ideal candidate. They didn't have to break my nose. I didn't have black eyes, all that stuff. But I was still freaking out, you know. And like, he said, three and a half weeks later, I felt great.

I felt camera ready. But those first two weeks, you're like, is it going to be like this forever? Even if you know better. Like, even though you know, even though they've told you. No, no, no, everything's fine. You're still like, no, something's wrong. I had like lumps on the side of my face. I was like, is this normal?

I mean, you're sending pictures. But like, they prep me so well. And yeah, that's what I'm working with. You picked me up from the doctor's office and drove me home. And then you and Tesla took turns that day, like staying at my house. And then I kicked you guys out. I really like to be alone after surgery. You said it's weird.

It is weird. It's not weird. It's just like I would never not have my mom take care of me. Like it's just no one else. I don't want you. I don't want my boyfriend. I just want to be a baby and have my mom like bring me my water and like my pills and things like that. And when I got my nose done, like we just bonded for a week.

You know, I had like one day where I was just so out of it. But then we just like binge watch Netflix. And I do like to be taken care of. But that's the only person I would want. Only your mom. Yeah. Yeah, I was mostly just wanted to be alone. But it's funny you mention drugs because I was on so many drugs when I got home.

You're on anesthesia. You're on pain killers. I know what else the fuck they give you. My face was in a head wrap. Like I was in like a full head wrap. You don't think that you're fucked up, but you are. I did so much shopping that day. It's insane.

And the stuff that started arriving was so crazy. All the purchases were like, you're on drugs and it shows. Oh, my God. I made a whole list for you to tell you what I bought. And then I made Tesla come over the next day and return all of it. Well, when you said all these Amazon shoes, I was like, what? We'll get to it. Okay.

No, there's anything where all the Amazon shoes. Oh, the ones I bought are disgusting. I took photos for Ashley to see everything. So, like, check it out on YouTube and we'll, like, put the photos up on the screen. Okay, perfect. Okay, first thing I bought washcloths. I bought my first washcloth. You want to start cleaning your butt.

If you guys are new around here, that's what washcloths are for. I like to get in my butt. Never bought a washcloth in my entire life. Never bought a one. Raina's first washcloth. This is the new her, everybody. New jawline, new butt crack. Raina.

I got, I got facial resurfacing. I got laser resurfacing. I was like, I need nice washcloths or not for your butt. Why are you teasing me like this? People normally use washcloths on your face. It's not always for your butt hole again. No, I just use my finger for that. Okay.

All right. Okay. I bought five plants and not small kinds. Like in a gallon on a trellis growing up a vine, plants, five of them. What? What do you mean? From where? So I take walks in Venice and there's this like pink jasmine that I really like to smell of it.

They grow on huge trellises, like big vines, and you have to like really maintain them. You have to plant them. So I bought five of them and had them delivered. This is so funny. You were really fucked up. You just had this vision of these plants and you were like, I want those. I'm going to start a garden. I said that there was no style that I would ever, like there's a lot of styles I'll bring back.

You did not buy peplum. I didn't just buy a peplum actually. No, what are you doing? There was also a lot of pebble with Oscars. bothered me. I bought a crop peplum. Raina. What is that? What is that picnic blanket?

What are you cosplaying Little Bo Peep? What is that? It's pajamas in my defense. Raina, that is the dumbest pajamas that I've ever seen. Who makes it? I'll drag him right now. Is that Amazon? No, I don't like to say that I support her,

so I will not say her name. Okay. I bought a cropped peplin top. That is the dumbest pajamas that I've ever seen, and I actually don't support her, so we can say it. I'm not going to say this. Who would wear that to bed? Not the gingham. No. You are so high.

I did not know you were this fucked up. We were having, like, lucid conversations. I'm only halfway through this list. Oh, my God. I spent hours talking to Tessa. I came downstairs, hung out with her for, like, hours. I did not think I wasn't lucid. I bought a hat that said caviar daddy on it.

Let me see it. Do you have this? I don't have a photo of this one. I don't know what that means. I don't know what it means. I don't know what that is. I love that. What kind of hat?

Like a wadier. I brim. Not a trucker. Not a trucker hat that says caviar daddy. Raina, you love a trucker hat. This is very funny. I feel like it brought you back to your roots because you used to be a plant girly. You used to be a trucker hat girly.

Maybe you did use to wash your butthole before I came along. Like, why did it transport you back in time? I don't know. I'll tell you what it did transfer tennis outfits. I bought so much tennis wear. Okay. I have never picked up a tennis racket in my life. I'm not like Hannah Burner.

I used to. I've never ever been on a tennis court. I bought so much. tennis gear from Ralph Lauren and LaCost. Yeah, it's insane. Oh, LaCost, deep cut. Okay, but the worst thing I bought. Okay.

I think I got it in my head that I wanted ballet flats. Oh, me. What is literally happening? Five feet tall. Not the PEPLUM and the ballet flat. Also, I want to go back to our episode from weeks ago where Raina asked me the worst trend. And it is, for me, it is ballet flats.

I will never. I hate them so passionately. And this is no shade. I'm sure you guys look great to them. For me, no. Anyway, continue. At least you're 5'10, and it makes a little more sense. Okay.

Me, walking around, no heel at all. I wear lifts on my sneakers. Yeah. Okay. I took photos of you. The five pairs of ballet flats I ordered from Amazon in one day. Not also. The Amazon.

From Amazon. Fast fashion. I'm almost 40, and I could buy, and I should buy a nice, like, one pair of real leather shoes that are durable and sturdy. No, I bought fake plastic, Amazon. Okay. The first one, not that bad. Oh, those aren't ballet flats.

Yeah, those are mules. They're slides. They're fine. They're meals. Second one. Oh, my God. Where are you? Black we're wearing.

Where's your pencil skirt and your like nine to five corporate job? When I managed a restaurant, I think I wore these. Raina. Just so you know, they're an order of ugliness. We're only two. Okay. These are like corrected shoes. They're a flat tip on the front.

They're like you're going to do some ballet. What is it called? No point. The flat toe. Square toe. Yes. Squared toe. No.

Right. You were like trying to pick up a real ballet shoes. Yeah. Real ballet shoes. Engel strap. Engel strap. What was that going to do with these? This is this, what was going through your head?

And then the ugliest ones of all time. I'm not ready. No. They are black. There's like five strats. They look like dominatrix ballet flats. Listen, these would look good on some people. And maybe they'll look good on you.

Children. I can see these child influencers with like. With like a black, baggy jeans. and like a black t-shirt, but there's a hundred other options you should do before this. This is so funny. I called Tessa.

I was like, you got to come over here. You got to come over here and you got to return all this stuff. You can take it to stables one block by my house, but like I can't have this much stuff in the house. All this stuff started arriving. And I just was like, I have been on so many drugs. That is so funny.

I didn't realize you were that fucked up. I didn't either. But that was my drug journey. Okay, going to take a quick break. I am going to tell you about Nutraful. Okay. The other day, Breitna, I was saying, I was like, because.

I can see so much of how Nutraful is working for me and my hair. And I was like, in two years, it's over for you, bitches when I grow back all my hair. Because my personal experience, which of course is not everyone's experience. Everyone's going to have a different experience with their body and their hair. And these supplements, of course, was that I did have a situation where I had some extreme shedding and thinning. And I was so upset about it. And I really turned to Nutriful. And I have seen such a difference.

And I am seeing it come back in thick. and just get back to where it used to be. But, of course, it's going to take time. So I really feel like in two years I'm going to have. Because it feels like thicker up here. But then it's like so much thinner down here because I did really shed so much. But I'm feeling so good and I can really like see it happening. And so, yeah, I'm two years.

It's over for you guys when I have my hair back. But I cannot recommend it enough. I like almost get emotional about it because this is the thing that worked for me when I was in such a dark place about my hair. And it's tough for a lot of women. I mean, there's so many things that can. lead to shedding and thinning, whether it's like stress or having kids even or just menopause, hormonal changes, aging. And there are so many root causes at play. And Nutraful addresses them

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put on the shower wall. And it's like way less than it was. My nails. These are my natural nails. They look just like my gelix extensions. So that can happen to, of course, like, if they're not for everybody. But it is the number one dermatologist recommend hair growth supplement. Again, that quiz is going to help you guys out. And you can start your hair growth journey today by taking Nutraful's hair wellness quiz and get your personalized hair health plan today. For a limited time, Nutraful is offering our listeners, $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping at Nutraful.com slash quiz. When you enter the promo code G-G-E, take the quiz and get started on reaching your hair wellness goals with Nutraful today, neuterful.com slash quiz spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com slash quiz.

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Great to put in your purse. So easy. Listen, I've left the house with a chomp. You know you're running out. You're like, I'm about to get so hungry. Leave me in the car. I'll leave me in the car. I'll leave snacks and water on my car. I got a big drunk. Right now, Choms is offering our listeners 20% off your first order and free shipping when you go to chomps.com slash G-G-E. That's C-H-H-O-M-P-S-G-G-E. That's C-H-O-M-P-S-G-E. Don't forget to use our list. Poor girl. Poor girl. No, no, no, I just, we've been here for three and a half hours. I'm just tired. That's C-H-O-M-P-S dot com slash G-G-E. Don't forget to use our link so they know we sent you and you can always get that at girls got to eat.com. Okay. So we wanted to just talk a little bit about love is blind because we were thinking of maybe doing a bonus, but then like the timing just didn't work out when we could like get in here and get it to you guys in a timely manner. And then I don't know, nothing was like that insane that happened. So we were like, we'll just talk a little bit about how we felt about the finale.

And as of now, we won't have watched the reunion, but we will have aired. But I don't know. I didn't have like so much to say. Maybe I'll feel differently after the reunion. But it was just kind of like, you know, we only had these like three couples and Jimmy and Chelsea broke up before. I didn't know you could just opt to not go to the altar. I had no idea that you could do that. I was messaging with Brittany about this. I mean, they don't want you to. Like, I was like, how much did Jimmy get a say and like Clay didn't? I wonder if Clay never even thought to ask. Like, it was just like, you're not supposed to do that. Like, we know that from the people that we know that's been in the show. Like the whole point is they were forcing you to go to that altar. Like, I was,

I can't believe he got to do that. So it made more sense, like, Kenneth and Brittany. It's like they got back from the trip. They made it like two days. They weren't going to be forced to be together. But like Jimmy and Chelsea, what she did, the wedding dress. They picked out everything for the actual wedding. Like, what happened that was so bad he couldn't stay for two more days?

No, the whole point is like, I thought they were really going to push you to get that altar. But, I mean, they'd come under fire recently with different things. But I don't know. I was just like, that is crazy. But like, doesn't everybody throw up their hand and is like, I'm not dragging my family through this? I'm not putting my parents through a whole day of this, my siblings, getting people to fly in, get hair and makeup done so I can just say no. Like, your average rational person is not going to do it. Yeah, I don't know.

I wonder if he just beat the system. Yeah, that was crazy. I mean, a couple other notes, Clay's mom, MVP of the whole thing. I just loved it so much. Clay's mom said things that, like, really needed to be heard on, like, television. She just really spoke her truth. She was so insightful. She has so much wisdom.

She was just stayed so, like, measured. and I was just loving everything she said. She said like really important stuff. I'm glad they like kept that in the way she like approached her ex-husband and the things she said about Clay. Because so much of Clay's storyline is like I can't. I don't even know what being faithful looks like in marriage because like my father was unfaithful to my mother and they were married for 30 years.

And like I was so glad you actually got to like hear from the woman that went through it. Man, if there was anybody I'd want on our show, it would be Clay's mom. And I loved A.D.'s mom too. I feel like that's why I'd want them to be together, just these like moms. It's so funny though. Like I just have loved seeing some of the content that is like, why does Clay think infidelity runs in the family. You know, it's just so funny. He's like, he thinks cheating is hereditary. Like, it's so funny. He's just really runs in my family. You know, like, I'm just really worried

I'm going to get it. Like, it's a disease. Also, he's like, my dad would, like, take me along to, like, cheat on my mom, basically. Like, isn't that more of a reason to not do it? Like, if it runs in the family and you've seen what it does to people, isn't that more a reason to not do it? But same with abuse. Like, not to get too dark with it, but like, abusers have been abused. Of course, when you're the one being abused, you'll think I'll never do this in my life and then you do. You know, like, I think he's honestly, I think he has a level of self-awareness that I don't hate.

I thought that it was weird when AD was like telling him, confessing her love. He was just up there still cheesin. I was like, this guy looks like a sociopath. Well, the things coming out of his mouth weren't matching the facial expression. He was like, I know you're going to hold me down. And I know.

And she's like, when she goes, what the fuck? I know. I will say that her dress is exactly what I would want. I rarely see wedding dresses that I feel that way about. I just don't like really traditional type of wedding dresses. I rarely see one that I'm like, I would wear that if I got married. Like that one, literally I would take it to a bridal shop and be like, find me this. I loved it.

I would do a little lower on the slit. The slit was too high. At one angle they got her, I was like, and she had that leg cocked out the whole damn time. I was like, she is probably about to lose her balance. She had to have it out the whole time, which I respect it. She looked great. But that, something about it, I was like, that's what I would want. I, like, feel confident in that where I'm like, oh my gosh.

Like, if you were to ask me, like, what kind of wedding dress you were on? I'd be like that. I loved it. She looked beautiful. Her body is so amazing. She would look good in anything. Yeah. But I think that she really dressed well for herself.

Yeah, I don't know. So we'll see what happens to anything else. You really like, it's just been. I mean, it's all been said. Yeah, it's all been beaten to death. I mean, Jeremy seems psychotic. I love that Jetsky thing. It was psychotic to watch it.

He was just chees-in. I mean, those two deserve each other. They belong together. And it seems as though they're still together. I guess we'll see in the reunion. But you saw in the teaser for the reunion that him and Sarah Ann are still together. People are just saying, like, and I was curious what your thoughts are that, like, like love is blind has like lost the plot. I don't care. I actually don't agree with that.

Like if you work out from love is blind, it's just a coincidence. Like it's just luck. Like if you are Lauren and Cameron, like, I'm sorry, I don't believe this. You need to see someone. And I don't say that in a shallow way. I say that in a way if you need to feel someone's energy in the room, you need to feel their body on yours. You need to look into their eyes. You need to smell them. You need to see the way they carry themselves. I've never once thought like, yeah, you can definitely fall in love with someone's personality, but there's still a huge chunk. And again, it's not attractiveness. It's not what I'm talking about. It's that you need to be with someone in person to fall in love with them. I've never once thought this and I still love the fucking show. Get the

fuck out of here with this like, is love blind? No, it's not. I need to watch the way somebody carries himself in a room. Everything else is off the table. I want to watch how you interact with servers, friends, your family. It has nothing to do with how tall you are or how sexy your faces. I need to watch her you interact with the world. I need to feel your energy in the room with me. I need to feel you in real life and see you. And like, that's a whole part of it. But if you fall in love with somebody without ever seeing them and it really works out, I think that's really beautiful. I think it's very special. The couples that have worked out, I mean, I'm just like Lauren and Cameron is like, you know, I just always use them as a shining example. I think that's

really special. I love it. So yes, then sure, you can say love is blind. But like for the most part, I just don't believe in it. And I also feel like I have some like, um, popular opinions about the whole show. It's a game show. It's a reality show. Like, when people were saying, like, can you believe Sarah Ann DM'd him, this is an engaged man. Dude, come on. He met her seven days ago. He met her on a show. I think it's shitty. Ashley and I think it's a scumbag thing to do. I wouldn't do it. If somebody didn't pick me and they went home with somebody that they proposed to, I'd wait a few weeks. I wouldn't do it the next day. Listen, I have different opinions. Yeah, I don't think it's a cool thing to do, but like don't act like, this is an engaged

man like it's some sanctity of marriage you met on a game show on a reality show without ever seeing the person when you have a connection with two people you might pick the wrong one like it's you know what I'm saying like it's not some girl off the street messaged him it was like hey what's up daddy it was a girl that he had a connection with that was kind of like hey if you find that you maybe chose the wrong one I'm still here and I don't people might get mad about this I don't care I think these shows that are like you're engaged it's like come on dude like these shows kind of minimize the whole sanctity, if you believe in it, of marriage in the first place. So don't act all high and mighty we got engaged behind a wall on a Netflix show.

I totally agree. When people, so I guess, I mean, in my perfect scenario here, it would have been more like Zach in Bliss, where he like, Zach picks somebody else. They both decided mutually, it's like, it's not for me. It's not for me. And then they got together like a week later. But I don't fault her for being like, hey, if this doesn't work out. I don't either.

Like, I agree. I mean, not only do they minimize the sanctity of marriage. they minimize the sanctity of dating, getting to know somebody, being enveloped into their family. Like, clearly, she was a better fit. Like, again, you can say she's a snake. I won't argue with that. But, like, saying if it doesn't work out, I am a person you also had a connection with and we could explore it. She didn't send him a picture of her pussy. You know, like, she could have a lot. He double-tapped that too. And I also think that Laura had reason to be mad. So I want to be really clear. I think that I'm not, like, team Sarah and I'm just, just saying we take this stuff so seriously.

It's a reality show. I mean, I think that Laura was under the impression that she was going to attempt a relationship with this man and he met up with somebody else he was interested in and stayed out with her until 5 in the morning. 100%. That makes you a fucking snake. Don't get it twisted. No.

But I'm with you. Like, I liked with Laura, put him on blast. She had the location thing. Like, whatever. Like, they were never going to work out. And Laura knew it. I think that she didn't like this guy that much. I think that she felt a little superior to him and was irritated.

Even her mom was like, phew. You guys were not nice to each other. Yeah. It's just like, let's not act like these people have built this relationship that they, you know, are this like stable, healthy relationship that you're interfering with. Like you said, they met a week ago. They're on Netflix. It can be as real as you want it to be. The relationships that have worked out, I'll take it back to Lauren and Cameron are real. They're beautiful. They're special. But for the most part, these people break up and maybe they might find love with someone else who they also met in the show. Like it happens all the time. I think that, you to call back to you so before, like, yeah, it's a miracle if you find somebody behind a wall and and it works. I think Chelsea and Kwame are like so cute couples. There's so many of other ones, too. Yeah. And Zach and Bliss are having a baby now or maybe you had their baby. Like, I think that that's great. It's a miracle if that works out. And I also think this is a great way to meet somebody that you're going to date. I think Jimmy and Chelsea could have really benefited from dating.

Listening to the two of them speak, like they, they don't understand what the other person is saying at all. And I think that some people get into a relationship like Chelsea, and she's been pretty open to bed. I mean, Chelsea is like the poster child for anxious attachment style. I think she's aware of it. And I think that like if she met somebody like him and he's like, these are my boundaries. This is how it's going to be. She could make the choice to go to therapy or get some kind of like mediator to like me. Like I think that they would have been good candidates to try to date. Maybe. She's not ready to be married near his take. Yeah. But I mean, we'll see on the reunion. But allegedly they've been like hanging out. But I said that well now they're best friends because

Jimmy always likes to fuck his friends. This is how he made Chelsea into a friend. You know that's his biggest secret. of the whole series is when he's like, you expose my biggest secret. My deepest darkest secret. She's like spiraling. And when she just like had a moment of clarity and just goes, your deepest darkest secrets, you fucked her friend.

I was like, here's my eyes. Chelsea turned it around for me. I know people don't like, you know, I've talked about it before. I feel for her. I don't have this deep hatred for her. I know she has looked really insecure and really pathetic at times. But I don't know. I want to give people grace with being on TV and the

first place and what they're going through. But like that moment, I was like Team Chelsea forever. Your deepest darkest secrets that you fucked your friend. Get some better secrets. Like I love that energy so much. Like, but to me, he was just coming up with excuses to break up with her. Like, I could feel it so much. Like he was just thinking of more and more things to try to end it. That's how it felt, sadly, because we've all seen that and it's hard to feel when you're in it. But like, I think she started to pick up on it. She was starting to kind of poke holes in his reasoning. And he was just like, okay, but also this. You know, like he was. was just trying to break up.

That's, I think, most people's takeaway from it. I mean, I don't think that they were a match at that time. I mean, I think that it was a symptom of other problems. I think that, like, she didn't really trust him to go out without her for 90 minutes with these female friends. And that's also a symptom of not knowing somebody for very long.

You have no idea if you can trust this person. Of course, you're, like, a little triggered by it. And you're like, wait, you met this person. Two years ago, you fucked them. You're going to hang out with them without me. Yeah. I think that it's totally normal to ask your serious long-term boyfriend. I don't really, I don't really.

love it. I don't love the vibe between you guys and let's talk about it. Let's draw some boundaries. Yeah. If somebody said to me, that me five minutes ago, so I've slept with like my best guy friend, if somebody said like, I'm not comfortable with it. I don't like it. I'd be like, who the fuck are you? Right. Okay. I think he had a lot of reasons, but yeah, ultimately, we're just not going to deal with any of that shit. Yeah, I don't know. I remember watching when Chelsea met those two girls. I was like, he fucked her. There was some look she made. They said about sex and something that she said. I was like, oh, they fucked. Which one was it? The one sitting closer to him? Closer to him? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was the other one.

No, I couldn't tell. I could tell. I was right about who it was. I'm thinking she was staying next to him. But I was just like, oh, they fucked. Like, she made some smirk. There was something about sex where I was like, they have, they have, I can feel it. And I was watching it was sparkly.

He was like, what are you saying? I'm like, oh, just, do you wait? I'm right. We know what we know us. You always know. Yes. So I guess we did kind of recap it. Those are some feelings we've been holding in.

I mean, I love the show. I will always continue to watch it. Yeah. I don't think they lost the plot. I don't think you're supposed to marry a person you met behind a wall two months after you met them. And if you do, great, good for you. But I don't think you're supposed to. Also, The Bachelor, I don't think that you're supposed to marry a guy that's also dating 25 other women.

That was on the tip of my tongue. By that reason, The Bachelor lost the plot two decades ago. I mean, it's just like, these people aren't ending up together. You know what I mean? And the people who are ending up together are people who meet on like Paradise. So you could meet someone from the pods. Like, they'll probably start to get into this whole. They filmed like people that.

What do we call it? Like ex-contestants? F contestants. All-stars. They're going to do, like a Match on Paradise style. They're teasing that they filmed it. It's in pods. Oh.

Put them all on an island. Fuck it. Like, these people become bonded through these experiences. Like, it makes so much sense why some of the strongest couples from Bachelor Nation were people who were like on other seasons and they met on Paradise or whatever. Like, it's a specific type of personality trait that would even go on a show like that. So it makes sense to me that you would be attracted to that type of person. I don't know.

I don't think they have lost the plot. I think a lot of people do go on here for the right reasons. I think some don't. But like, what are you laughing at? I just think it's so funny. Love is blind has lost the plot. Oh, you believed in this? Oh, you thought this was real.

The Bachelor's real. You thought that's like, oh, love is sweet. Shut up. It's Netflix exploiting people. Like, that's reality TV. All reality dating shows are fucking stupid. From couple to thruple, like your average couple is going to be like, let me bring a third in and put it on national television.

Rainy. House and I talk about it all the time. Don't even front. Because Rain and I are not getting Peacock. I can't add another thing. I just, I can't do it. I refuse. I won't do it.

There was an NFL game I wanted to watch during the season. It was like, only on Peacock. I was like, I'm not doing it. Like, I'm going to find another way. I feel like I cannot pay for another thing. Like, I don't know my total at this point and I don't want to know it. You know, I'm out here like, I don't pay for cable, but like I have YouTube TV. I have Netflix.

I have Hulu. I have Amazon. I have HBO. Like, I can't do another thing. I pay for two of the five of those things. My friend's moms pays for two of the five of those. I just, I can't add a thing. I just watch one show.

I'd rather just buy the show when it comes out on Amazon. That's true. I'll buy it for $10. But anyway, we know you guys are watching it and liking it, I think. People are. Yeah. I saw this meme that was like, I got Peacock and they served me like Oppenheimer. And it was like, you know I'm here to watch from a couple to throuble.

Please be serious. No one's watching Oppenheimer on Peacock. Also, if you wanted to watch Oppaheim, you would have seen it by now. Yeah. You're watching from Cappell to Thruple. If you have signed it for Peacock in the last month, that's what you're there for. I watched Traders for one episode. I don't know that.

It's just like ensemble reality TV star cast. It's fine. Okay. Well, just going to talk about a couple of our partners and then pick it right back up. I am so excited to talk about Claren's. This is a skincare line that I have always loved and used. Like, I don't even know when I first started using it. I probably started using it like in my early 20s.

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So we are talking about long-distance relationships, and I was just in Boston with my... I was just in one. I was just in one this weekend. No, I have been in one for like 10 months now. Almost a year. Yeah, almost to year. And I was just with him this weekend. And you have asked me this a few times before, and I hadn't told you yet.

This isn't like some big, big reveal. But I did go to his parents and they cooked like a big Indian meal. Oh, my God. Because you're amazing. It was amazing. Best Indian food you've had? Yes. That's crazy.

And it's just they just whipped up. I mean, I guess they had taken a while. Like his mom said his dad woke up really early to like marinate the chicken and it was just so good. I was going to tell you what we had. We just had this incredible like curry chicken. It was so good. Like it was like a drier type of chicken. Like it wasn't like swimming in sauce.

You know like so many like butter chicken chicken tickets like in the sauce. It like wasn't like that. It was just like unbelievable. Alugabe which is like cauliflower and potatoes. And then non and doll and rice and just had the best meal. I mean I was like full plate and then went in for a second. And, like, I just didn't want them to think I was trying to, like, fake it. Like, I was, like, I really want more.

I love this so much. It's just, it's a cuisine that, like, I cook so much, and I think I'm really great at it. It's a cuisine that is so difficult to master because of just a huge range of spices. Right. Spices is the word I said I would not use. This is why I brought this up. You're trolling me? It is one of the hardest cuisines.

To master all of those different flavors is so difficult. And there's such a play of, like, heat and tangy. And it's just, it's, I mean, if you're an Indian person, do you. probably mastered it. As a white person, I can't master it. It's very difficult and nuanced. Yeah. So it was just, it was nice, like to spend some time with his family and his parents and his sister and do that and got to see some of his friends. It was just like a really chill weekend, which we'll kind of talk about on this episode, how like those are important too. I mean, we've been together for a minute now. You know, obviously we're going to have chill weekends. Everything's not going to be some like planned out

events, itinerary, spending money, fancy dinners, all the things. But it was just really good. We got a couple's massage. I can't believe you got you to do that. I can barely get you to get a massage. We got one massage together. I'm not a big massage Yes, I was And I decided to get over here And give me a happy ending And he didn't They want you out of that room quick

They stand right outside of that door with the water Listen I know you guys are probably going to judge me I was half kidding I would have like definitely been down Fuck yeah Yeah Like so horny after a massage I know

I'm gonna have a sous to finish me off He was like are you serious It was we were very close to like the reception desk We weren't like private I feel like they Couples especially They get a glass of water They wait right outside that fucking door

They want you right They're like waiting for you to get out They know you're going to try to fuck if they don't come like having an orgas. They know you're going to try to fuck. Like most of them are like take your time as much time as you want. If 60 seconds they're knocking on the door. That is so true. They did when it's out there.

But he just was going to this like Thai massage place and he was like we should get a couple's massage. I liked it. But like I don't know. It's like we had our like kind of heads covered. We weren't like that whatever. Not like we were going to hold hands. But like I don't know. I feel like I couldn't kind of talk to him.

Like I've had one other couples massage in my life. It was with Merrill. Talked. Oh. No. Like I kind of wanted to like chat everyone. once in a while. Oh, you did?

I don't know. I guess it's like, why else are we doing it? Okay, so like I've gotten massages like in Jamaica on the beach and it's blinding light and you're not sleeping through that. So like I'm talking. I'm chit-chatty. If you're outside, okay, if I'm outside, I'm talking. Yeah.

So Meryl and I did it. It was our friends 40th. They had like, we were in a big villa in Cabo like I kind of did for mine. And she had there was like a masseuse that came to the house and Marilyn and I were like, we'll do that. So we were like, yes, outside, kind of indoor, outdoor. But like, we were just kind of talking to each other. The beds were really close.

We were kind of like giggling. Yeah. Like that was, I would have liked that experience. Also, I had a great time and I had a great massage. But like, I didn't connect with him the whole time. I'm just getting a massage. Yeah. When the room is dark, there's no windows, no light.

It's a solo thing. You're in the zone. Yeah. It's almost like weird that there's another person there with you because you're like, I can feel the energy of this other person. It's weird that we're not talking. And then he had to see me at my ugliest. Nothing looks ugly.

You are never uglier, not you specifically. It goes the chair at the hair salon, the hair salon, the massage. Massage. But here's the thing. I know I'm ugly in the salon chair. Massage, there's no bigger discrepancy between how you feel and how you look. You feel like you are refreshed, glowing, beautiful. You look in the mirror. You're like a graceful of marks. Yes. I eyelashes are all mashed up on your face. You know, wash my makeup off. So I had my mascara all clumped up. I lash just booked to my face. I feel like I got beat up, you know. So I was like, I don't know, whatever. But it was a cute thing that he planned. I think we're just always trying to like, we'll talk about this today too.

plan stuff. Make it count. You know, like do a good mix of planning and then like laying around and watching TV and like bed rotting and, you know. I have a lot to say about like long distance relationships and feeling like every time you're together it's just like crazy fun vacation. I think people are going to be surprised by my life by answer. Okay. But people have really wanted this episode for a long time. And I've been in quite a few long distance relationships and I have like so much to say about them and you have been in one for about a year and so I think we wanted to wait until like this had like stood the tested time like you really have and I think that like you guys have set really really healthy boundaries and practices and I'm excited to talk about it and we put so many polls

online asking you guys if you've been in them and what your boundaries are and I think we just talk about our general like advice for making them good and I'm really really excited for this episode me too I'm excited for the talk about just like top level like do we believe in them or not I know you're in one but like would you recommend I would never. Couldn't be me. I really believe in long-disn't relationships. Is it my dream?

Right. No. But I think that all relationships are hard and they are full of problems. And like you just have to pick like which hard you're willing to deal with. Because I think you get a lot of really positive things in a long-distance relationship that you don't get from one that's like you can see somebody day to day down the street. And I think it really prolongs the honeymoon phase and keeps the mystery alive and you can maintain your own life a little bit. and I think that that's really fun. I find that when I've been in a lot of just relationships,

my favorite part of my day is when I get on the phone with that person for like an hour at night and, like, download our day. And I feel that you really get to know somebody on such a deep level during those conversations in a way that you wouldn't watch in a TV show together. Or, you know, like, at the end of the day, you're both kind of in, like, a bad mood. And you just, like, eat dinner and go to sleep or you fuck or whatever.

And, like, I have felt that I've built these, like, incredible connections via the phone that I've really, like, enjoyed with another person. I mean, I think it stays spicier longer and the sex is wilder. And I don't know. I think that people would say, like, is it worth it? And I think you just have to reframe it to yourself of like, is this person worth it. Yeah.

And then go from there because every relationship's hard. You've got to pick what like your heart is going to be. Yeah. I mean, I've had a few before too, like nothing like this serious or long term. But even like my boyfriend from college, like we went years back and forth on and off. You know, nothing I never felt like super serious. I mean, we're so young or broke, you know, whatever. So I have obviously had experiences before this and like flings here and there.

I mean, Rain and I have just been meeting people outside of our cities for so many years now, like mostly for the duration of our friendship. We've been on the road for six years. Yeah. And we haven't like loved really like maybe the dating scene in New York and L.A. I mean, we've just kind of been branching out for years now. So I do feel like qualified to speak on this. I mean, I can't tell you what it's going to be like to, you know, move to the same city,

move in together. Raina can speak a little bit more on that. But you and I have met people on the road so much. And like, if I meet a cool person in a different city that I like, that's like fun and the sex is good. Like I don't see any reason to not give it a few weeks, a few months and see this has some legs. I'm not just like absolutely not. You live in a different city. Yeah. I mean, I saw one comment that said someone said their fear of abandonment is activated. And like, I validate that. You know, there might be a personality type that you're like,

I don't want to do it. It does not work for me. I need to have someone closer. I need that type of support. So I also want to say that like we posted a lot of questions on Instagram and some people were like, no, never, never hard pass. That's fine. If you think that, you never know. Never say never. I can see a person that's like I just can't it just doesn't work for me. I have too many trust issues too much wrapped up in this. But also you might be saying that at 25 and then you're 35, you know, over here 39 like I was when I met this person and things could change and you could evolve and have new information. But I've been getting asked this a lot like how do you make it work? Do you have any tips? And I mean, to me, to really make it work, you both just need to be committed

and intentional and on the same page about the future. Like it's just it's just a commitment. Like that's my mom and my dad's number one tip of their relationship. You just have to be committed. That's like not a hot take. But like that's why you don't work. Like both people are not the same level of committed. And I go back to Heather McMahon and her husband, Jeff. And we had Heather on so early, like so early in her career.

I mean, 2018. And we wanted to talk to her about long distance relationships. And I feel like she didn't have much to say besides like, I don't know. We just knew it was going to work out. We knew this was the person. So it was just like, again, so many different things can come into the mix. but like if you're both on the same page, then like you can really work through most things if you have good communication. But I asked him last night too, like, what do you think the secret is? He was like it's like the intention.

Like it's that like we both know we want to be together and we prioritize each other. I think the prioritizing is really important. He is like my priority. Also all this business is you are my family. You don't have like just a top one. But like he's up there prioritizing him and our time together and vice versa. And I think if both. partners are like that. This is a person I want to be with. I'm going to prioritize this. And you communicate well. You can probably handle most things to come your way. But I want to also, before we kind of get into this whole thing, is just like we both make money. We can fly back and forth. And that matters too. Like, I couldn't have afforded this so many years ago. So I want to say that. And then I don't have a biological clock ticking because I don't want children. And we've

talked about that. And so I like to say these kind of as like caveats. Like these things I don't really have to worry about and we have discussed like moving you know like I asked him very early on like would you be open to moving and I'll talk about that too and how people can change their minds and things like that but you know I was probably like I'm probably never going to move to Boston you know just with what we do for for work and where we need to be and places that I would like want to live and so he is like open to moving here we'll kind of see what what shakes out but like we kind of have those things going for us because I used to be a broke ass bitch and like trying to make it work and like couldn't even imagine a flight. You know, maybe only a drive I could

do. You're in the car for five hours, whatever. I'm going from Atlanta to Charleston or whatever. Like I couldn't have imagined like flying back and forth coast to coast. So I like to validate that too. Different ages. I'd make different decisions. Of course. I mean, I have a different lifestyle. Of course. And this has been such a one size fits one type of topic. Like we asked you guys, and we will talk about the results, but like how long are you willing to be in a long distance relationship? How much distance is too far? Everybody's answers are so vastly different. But like top level for me is like, are your goals aligned and are you able to prioritize each other? And if the answer to those things are no, then it's kind of a non-starter to me.

Like, I dated somebody I really liked in Denver, took a couple trips to see each other. The fourth time he was going to come visit me before he, like, booked it. He, like, was pretty serious to me. And he was like, before we go further, do you see this going further? Yeah. And like, I am just like in la-la land of like, again, I don't really want kids. I don't care. I can have this go longer.

It doesn't matter. I'll do this forever. Yeah, I'll do that. I don't care. If I'm happy right now, I have the luxury of living in the moment a little bit more. But I, like, both of us were pretty honest of like, no. Like, I'm never going to move to Denver for you. Right.

You're not a person I'm going to make any compromises for in my life. I think she probably felt the same. We had not the same interest in hobbies, really. Like, our lifestyles weren't the same. So the answer to that was no. And we just called it. Like, I think he really, really wanted to find a very serious relationship. So if you could marry, that was not going to be May.

And so I think that, like, if your priorities are aligned, and your goals. Like if somebody says to you, I live down the street from my family and this is where I plan to live forever. Can you see yourself living there? If the answer is no, you can't date that person. Yeah, I want to speak to that. I want to piggyback of what you said. That's also accurate in like your stage in life. Like I don't even know if my relationship would have worked out three years ago. I don't know that we would have been ready for each other. And again, like, I just got to validate women who are like, okay, I'm 35. So, okay, I'm going to date this guy that lives across the country. and then what? So then what? But I got to, you know, you're really doing the math if you want kids.

And it sucks. It sucks. You have to live like that. I wish it wasn't the case. So I always come back to that. I fortunately just don't have to worry about that. But I do understand that being a worry. You're like, no, Ashley. I want kids. I can't just meet a guy across the country at 39. And then I got to start put the pressure on. So I just think that does really matter too. But like here's the thing. I asked him our very first date in New York. if he thought he would move because I had this feeling of like he's always lived in, you know, Massachusetts, outside of Boston, his family's there. And I feared that he may never want to leave in that because some people really don't ever want to leave like where they grew up. They can't even picture it. And he was like, yeah, I'd be open, you know, and that I was like, oh, thank God. Before I go down this road, but I also do think that is the one thing people can change their minds. You and I changed their minds about L.A. I remember kind of having a casual dating

relationship with a guy who lived in L.A. so many years ago when we lived in New York. And he was asking me if I would ever move here. I think he liked me. and he was like interested in dating me and I was like absolutely not hard pass I said that to him he was probably like okay well I'm that this isn't probably going to work I'm not going to move to new york I'm a west coast guy so I do think that's tricky because if someone is like hard pass I'll never move and you never want to move you can certainly take them at their word and you also want to make sure they're not just saying that because they don't see a future with you that that's like an excuse that's like jimmy and chelsea no I'm kidding but you can write it out for a little bit if you said to

someone would you ever consider yourself moving L.A they've never been to L.A., they've been once and they hated it. You know, there's a world in which they don't know any better. And so I want to tread lightly on that because that is the thing that people change their minds on. You and I change our minds all the fucking time about where we want to live. But your partner said he would be open to least discussing it. I know. And also your goals are a little different. Like you also are unique in the fact that you can give it some more time. You're like, I don't want kids. Yeah, let's lean in. Let's see what this looks like. Because my last really serious relationship, he lived in L.A., I lived in New York. First date. I was like, I'm not moving L.A. I'll never do it.

And he was, you know, that's what I'm saying. But yeah. I know people can change their minds. But he said, I've always wanted to live in New York. Yeah. And it is something I'd be open to. Yeah. But, like, I guess the other type of goals are, like, you know, the person that I've had

this on and off long distance relationship with for five years, we just don't want the same stuff. He doesn't like cities. He wants to live in the country. And that is really what he likes. That is his lifestyle. He likes to be outdoors. He likes camping.

Like, I remember, like, one time he was moving from where he lived. And he was like, is there a way this works out ever? And I was like, where would we ever live? He would refuse to live in the top 10 cities I would ever live in. 100%. So our lifestyles didn't match out. I'm glad you tied it back to that because that is true. And if he would have been like, no, I'm going to die here, you know, like I'm going to live close to my parents.

And like, I would have been like, I don't know if we are the same type of person. And there's nothing wrong with that. My brother, the most wonderful person in the world, he has chosen to like live in Delaware and he's a family guy. And he wanted to stay close to home. He went to school in Delaware. he had all the options in the world. You know, like, he just, he's a home body. I love that.

I love that he's, like, just wants to be close to family and have that unit. And I, like, love his life for him and for me. I love the way he lives his life. It's not, like, a judgment on it. But so it's not that. It's just, like, I'm this person that's, like, wanted to live in these big cities. And I want someone that, like, at least, like, enjoys it and would consider moving around and trying something fresh and new.

And, like, he is that person. And he's, like, loved coming here. And, you know, we are talking about him moving here. You know, of course, not going to say anything's, like, set in stone. But yeah, you're right. It kind of comes down to that. It's like a little bit deeper. Like I guess really when I said like I live down the street for my parents and I refuse to

ever not be that. Like I do think a lot of people are like that. Yes. And that is a certain type of lifestyle in person. And that's kind of like a non-starter for me. Also like, I mean, we've talked a lot about like can you date somebody with a different lifestyle as you? Like if somebody lives to work and you just work to live, I don't know.

Can that work? Like there's all kinds of things. Like I don't know if this will change. But like you two, prioritize each other, it's always the priority. And it just feels like you're going to do what it takes. Other things, like, and there's a whole list of like people said, like, why maybe it wouldn't work out, like trust, and we'll talk about trust. Like, you can address those other things. If you're like, we are committed to a relationship, we have the same goals. And the goal is to be

together, you know, I think I can deal with the other stuff. Yeah. I mean, and I really feel for people who really do feel like that, really do love each other, really prioritize each other, have a strong, healthy relationship and then just like it comes to a head and no one wants to move. I mean, whatever. It's just, I don't know. There's really no answer for this. I mean, some people said, can you do long distance forever? Sure. Sure. Why not? Don't let people tell you you can't. Do what makes you happy. Literally, be long distance married who gives a fuck. If it works for you and you're happy, then that's great. Everybody around me has been a lot. I mean, it's, I was like thinking today, like my mom and my stepdad, my stepdad is a, he's an engineer. He always worked out of town every week.

He came home on the weekends. My mom's whole marriage was long distance. Long distance's marriage. My brother and my sister-in-law, they were apart for, I'd say they did long-ticence for like four years. And I mean, they're a little different because they met right out of college. And so, like, again, you make different decisions at different ages. But, like, they were really interesting.

And the fact that, like, she would go visit him a lot in Chicago. She had a lot more flexibility in terms of travel. And I want to, like, talk about that because, like, my brother needed to be at the board of trade five days a week. Yeah. And my sister-in-law is a consultant or was at the time. Yeah. It was easier for her to visit him.

He moved to Chicago. She really wanted to live in New York for a year. And I'm sure he would have loved it. She moved to Chicago to be with him. And he was just like, okay, I can make New York work. I have friends there. It's a quick trip. It's like two hours.

Like we can do this for a year and a half. And I think they like really talked about it as a couple, which I think is rare. Like she was like, I'm going to move, but it's not going to be with you. And I think that's rare. But like, like, they made it work. That is a one off. I don't know. Everybody's like a one size fits one.

But like, they just really like support the other person's like dreams and needs. and they've really compromised to the other person. It has a lot of compromise. Yeah. Like, it sucks sometimes. Yeah. I know. I mean, and I'm a person that I want to do what I want to do.

Right. You know, so, like, people take compromise in different contexts, too. You know, like, your whole life shouldn't be a compromise. You shouldn't be like, I don't want to live here, but I'm doing it for you. That sucks. You know, like, we should both be happy. You know, like, I wouldn't want someone to move out here that hated it. Like, thank God, that's not the case.

You know what I mean? And I feel like he has come here and, like, made friends. with a lot of our guy friends, our fiancés and boyfriends of our friends and things like that and he can do his job out here and like all these things that, you know, we're having conversations about over the months, but also me just making mental notes of like, can these things work? And I, you know, it's interesting with your point. You said, like, someone lives to work and someone works to live. I think that, like, the opposite works really well because I don't think you get two people

who are like that live to work that both, yeah, all consuming, running businesses, this and that. Like, how would you ever make time? I don't know. Like, for us, we have so much going on. We run these two companies. We're touring. We're doing all the stuff. And he has a great, steady, secure job with just set hours and, you know, PTO.

And that really works well. He doesn't bring it from the office, you know, where I'm always nonstop. And he knows, like, he always impersonates me. He goes, babe, I just have to do 30 minutes of work. Because you know, it always turns into an hour. And I'm in the bed and he's just like doing whatever. And I'm like, I just do 30 minutes of work. It's always a lie. It's always longer than that. You know, I just to put the episode up. I just to do this thing for Anna. I just have to do this and that. Like, he's just like, okay. And he doesn't make me feel bad. Yeah. And I think we have a lot of mutual respect for those, our careers in that way. Like, he was so willing to kind of like meet us on tour, like, kind of work around my crazy travel schedule when we are on tour. And I'm not going to come down on him. Like, can't you just take a week off? You know, because like I could just go to Boston, fuck off and be there for a week. We would work around it and we would figure it out. Like, I'm not feeling resentment because that's not his reality. So we just have like a mutual respect of like, like,

like our careers that we've chosen and like the time we can give. And I think some of these things just would be non-starters for a relationship in general. Like take the distance out of it. Like if you don't have the same goals in life, you could live the next door to each other. It's not going to work out. Yeah, exactly. You know, like if you're both workaholics and you never have time to like travel to see the other person, like I guess anything could work.

But like these are just general relationship problems. And like that's why trust is so interesting to me. Because, like, this came up over and over and over again. Like, can I trust a person? And this is going to, like, trigger my trust issues. And, yeah, I do think, of course, there's more opportunity to cheat when you're 400 miles away from a person. But, like, if you don't trust a person that's 400 miles away from you, you do not trust that person. That's it.

Like, if they live down the street from you, you still couldn't trust them to go on a vacation with their friends or to go on a work trip or about their girlfriends. Like, sure, distance creates opportunity and anonymity. but I think that we either feel that we are a priority to our partner and we've met their friends and we're integrated into their lives and that they check in when they say that they're going to and they're intentional and they're consistent or they're not. Like, yeah, I guess you could cheat on somebody more easily if they're not near you. But like. Right, you go to a whole ass other girlfriend. Yeah, of course you could. But like if somebody is going to find ways to cheat on you long distance, they'll find ways to cheat on you in person too.

And having them in your home, like I've had long distance relationships with two more serious and one. less serious. I don't think any of those people have ever cheated on me. The person I lived with in New York City fucking cheated on me with everybody. Right. So the distance doesn't matter. That's so funny. Yeah. I think that you have to like deal in facts and say to yourself, like, am I triggered by the distance because other people have cheated on me? And I just have general trust issues. I have anxiety issues. Or is this person done things to breed me feeling unsure? When I go to visit them, do I meet their friends? Am I integrated into their lives? They've siblings I've never met them.

Like, I think you have to say to yourself, like, have they done things that make me feel uncomfortable? Like, I know, they're cagey with their phone, all the things. Right. Little white lies. Yeah. Like my DC ex-boyfriend who I, like, dated, he had gone to law school with all these girls.

He was, like, super close with these, like, two girls specifically, really pretty, smart, successful. Yeah, like, Jimmy. Probably fucked one of them after we broke up. But, like, years later, whatever, I don't care. You know, he would go out with them a lot after work. he would party with them on the weekends. And I just, like, had to stay to myself, like,

if you wanted to date these girls, you would have. If you wanted to fuck these girls, you would have. And I just have to, like, trust him until he does something to make me not. And it never came up. Like, and I think you can almost make it this self-fulfilling prophecy where you're, like, trying to control somebody's actions all the time. And I think when you're younger, this happens a lot more where you're like, you must call me the minute you get home.

I need you to check in with me. And you put all these, like, boundaries and parameters on a person. And, like, it almost becomes this self-fulhing prophecy where somebody's like, fuck you for treating me like this. Yeah, and you like push them away. Totally. Then they do do that thing. Yeah. Do you want to talk about trust in your relationship? I don't think it's ever been an issue. I don't know. I really like, I want to give all these caveats because I'm just like, I'm talking to you guys from a 40-year-old standpoint of a person who like met her match, you know, like it's just, of course I would have spiraled out of control back in my 20s and some of these things. I did. I really did. I mean, I had a long-distance relationship that was like short-lived, but I really felt like I was so in love with the guy. And yeah, you cheated on me. married her. I went to the wedding. We know this story. Like, I really showed up in that wedding. I got invited by his friend. Listen, it was a whole long con. But yeah, like, it just, I was a psycho.

It sucked. But I never trust him because he wasn't trustworthy and he cheated. Exactly. Exactly. I couldn't even, if I were to look at my old self, I wouldn't even, like, recognize her. But, I mean, we are both in places in our life where we're not out partying all the time. You know, like, we know what the other person's doing all the time. Like, And that might not be for some people. They might think that sounds like boring. Our relationship's not boring. It's wonderful. We have this spicy. We have a great sex life. We really have so much fun together.

It's what it is. But, you know, we just share location just because we just do. It just happened and we just still do it. I don't know. It wasn't some big discussion. Like these things have just kind of fallen into place because it's like the right person and we do really trust each other. And like we both feel like we found the person we want to be with. So nobody's got like a wandering eye.

No one's thinking about like what if this other thing. So that's how it like should feel. with the person that you're with and you trust. I mean, you felt like that with your ex. Never crossed your mind. I would have crossed my mind in a million years. But again, I always knew where he was. I never called me to an answer.

I had caged about what he's doing. He didn't do anything. And I found out like he told me some like white lie. He was consistent. Like, I felt like a priority. Like, I knew all his friends and his family. Like, it just, it wasn't a thing at all for me. And like, I refuse to spiral out of control and be preoccupied constantly with somebody else's

whereabouts. And like, are they cheating on me? And you could put boundaries, you put any boundaries you want on a person, I guess, if they're willing to accept them. But like, I don't, I refuse to live my life like that. I'm not going to be like, you got to call me every hour. You got to check him with me when you go home. Also, every boundary you put on somebody is imaginary and they'll find a way around it if somebody is really truly not true. They want to. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the trust thing, like, I kind of go back to like the type of person that may not be able to handle a relationship. And that might be somebody that has like really deep trust issues from maybe their upbringing or people that just have like really jealous. Like I was. and just jealous by nature people. Like, that's not going to work for a lot of people. That's what I'm saying. Like, deal in facts.

Like, am I jealous? Or is this person doing something to, like, provoke this? Yeah. My ex who I have, like, a really nice help. Like, no, he lost a girlfriend. I just, it never, I was like, who you're going to cheat on me with? It's better than that. Yeah.

I feel like when you have two people who are like, you know, stable, secure grownups, like, you just, these things fall into place. I've never once said, like, you got to text me when you get home. Like, I don't know. Like, vice versa. We just, like, do. also to like really hammer your point home like when you do see them are you integrated into their life does everyone know about you friends family all the things and that's just like super

important too it's harder when you're in your early 20s my first long distance relationship i think i was like 29 so a little bit older but like people are binge drinking and partying more it's harder to trust people you're just like i don't i just don't know what you're going to do when you're so fucked up you have less money totally can't like do those kind of things like when you get a little older, you could definitely be like, well, I have less flexibility, but more money. So if you want to visit me more often, I'll pay for the plane ticket every time or something like that. Like, I think that there's so many more ways to compromise when you have more money. And also, like, when you're younger, like, when I say you have to be on the same page, you could also be the same page about doing something

a little more casual. Like, I think there could be, you got somebody in this city, you go visit them and this and that. Like, we're kind of talking to people who want that committed relationship and, like, how to make it work. But I also think there's a world in which you are just more casual with somebody because you're both in your 20s, you know that you don't want to get married in the near future and you're able to both be on the same page about just having a little bit more of a casual relationship. Totally. You know, where you don't need to see him like, sit down and plan our year, which I say that as

somebody who does that. Like, it's just more, we see each other and we see each other, months will go by and then we kind of circle back and we're dating other people. I don't think that's what we're talking about today. But also, that could work and then you could end up with a person down the road. Like, you never know what's going to happen. Yeah, it's never like my dream to have started a long-distance relationship. relationships, but it can be a little more casual in the beginning. Again, I don't have the same timeline as

other people, thankfully for me. But, like, I didn't beg for my last relationship to be long distance. I just thought he was cool and funny. We dimmed a little bit. And then we texted a little bit. We got on the phone. I was like, I like this. And then I flew to L.A. to hang out with him. Like, I just, I didn't seek it out. But, like, I think that it can start casual. That's not necessarily always the goal. But my brother said something to me. So I called my brother and sister-in-law this morning. And I was just like, you know, what do you think has contributed to you guys being, I mean, they'd be together like 13, 14, 14 years. married for six seven years. Yeah, they got together young and I looked at them worked out.

I mean, she moved to New York instead of moving to be with him. They've moved all over. They've done all kinds of things. She moved to Chicago and did not move in with him. But I asked them, she sent me a very long voice note and I took notes, but she talked a lot about prioritizing each other and having trips planned and feeling like the other person's a priority. But my brother said being long distance adds some challenges, like ways to be intimate, but otherwise it's similar to not long distance.

It requires both partners to support one other and make an effort. Like, I think, like, as what I was saying before. I was maybe trying to get to it. It's like, some of these things just wouldn't work out whether the person was living next to you or not. Like, if you don't want to be in a serious relationship and they do, it's probably not going to work out right now. Right. Yeah. Or they're just not the type of person that wants to put in that effort because it is more effort. Like it really is. Like it is just more effort. And so I look at Sparkle Eyes and I'm like, how are you like the most? You're just like a perfect partner. You know, like I can't believe people have ever broken up with you. Like you know what I mean? Like and vice versa. Like we've all. all broken up with and broken up with people, but I'm just like, you were equipped to do this. And I do, he's like, no, it's just you. I'm like, no, yeah, okay, whatever. I don't agree. It is, yeah, it is you. There's no way. There's no way. It's you. No, I wrote down something that I I know you'll talk about it, but I wrote down like a real tip. And I was like, he does this thing all the time that is really different and special. It didn't come up a lot, but it's something that he does,

which we'll talk about it later. Okay. But it's so funny. I called my sister-in-law and I was like, Can you give me? So she voiced me back, like an eight-minute voice note. I really admire their relationship. They are just like best fucking friends. They just are such goals. They seem so happy together. It never feels like stale. Yeah.

But she sent me this long voice note and she goes, do you have anything to say? Like any advice or anything? And he goes, no, I'm good. And then they followed up and she sent me bullet pointed reasons. And then my brother sent me another paragraph, which I thought was cute. But anyways, it just made me laugh. I love their relationship. I mean, it just, sometimes it's like, it does come down to this like, we were committed

from the jump and we made it work. Yeah. So we'd like ask you guys some polls and I want to have like good tips and stuff. I know we've had some. But have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Sixty-six percent of people, 66, sorry, words. I said yes. 34 percent said no. I was surprised. Yeah. And I think people define relationship in different ways. You know, like you could have had a fling here and there that you just are like, that wasn't a relationship. I'm not going to give it that title. Or who knows, people could have just been staying local their whole lives. Also, we have a lot of younger listeners. Yeah. Some people just don't meet people. You and I, you and I,

just meet people out. You have more opportunity. Yeah, all the time. Again, like in terms of this being really one size fits one, we ask people how long you're willing to wait until one of you moves to the same city, six months, one year, a year and a half to two years or two years, no rush. Two plus years, no rush, 10% of people. Mm-hmm. No rush. Two years. I love to see it. But just chilling. 16%, six months or less, you're moving. Which I also was like, damn. And it's also this thing is, like, you don't know until you know. It's fine to have opinions on what you think your answer is, but you don't truly know until you're in it. My last relationship, I missed him so much.

It hurt me in my body. I couldn't stand it. Like, one time we were away from each other for three weeks, I thought I was going to die. I know. I hate it. I'm like, this is probably going to be a month. And, like, we've only done that, like, one other time. And it, like, sucks so bad.

It's so bad. Like, I was, like, Sunday night, I was just getting, like, so sad. I mean, but listen, I lasted, like, eight, nine months. And then he moved to New York and then it was over quick. Yeah. Yeah. And so I do want to talk about, like, idealizing people and, like, not moving too quickly.

Yeah. But yeah, it's great if you got somebody to, you know, the average person, 50% of people said a year. I'm willing to wait a year. And I think that that is really fair. I mean, anything's fair. If you're both compromising, you both agree. But one year feels like, okay, let's put our cards on the table.

Let's make a decision. Yes. I agree with that. Again, everybody's different. Not one size fits one. But to me, it feels like I certainly will have wanted to have conversations prior to a year. And we have in my personal relationship. But, yeah, I do feel that.

I feel that it's, we've done this a year. We know we're good. We're in a good place. What's the move here? I think it's an absolutely appropriate time to make a move, have a conversation. Totally. After like six months, it just feels, listen, you could do anything you want. It's just, I feel like you've gone through a lot of milestones and good things and bad

things within a year. You can make, like, a more educated decision. And everybody's different. I mean, we ask people, like, what's the distance you're willing to deal with? And everybody is so different. I mean, some people, I live in Venice. I wouldn't date somebody in Silver Lake. That's the same as, like, Hoboke into the East Village.

Like some people, like, that's too long distance for me. People wrote 30 miles, a plane ride. Some people, an hour plane ride versus six hour plane ride. Like, some people can't just be on a flight for six hours and I don't work that long. Yeah. This, what I'm doing with really fucking sucks. A lot of time zones. Yeah.

It just, and I know people do it. I don't know. I don't think I could go any farther time zone apart, a different country. Like, this is got to be my max. Also, I don't think I'm going to be in another relationship after this. But I just, yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'm like. Like my next one, I'm not going to do this. He's like, excuse me?

I thought we were going to. No, like, it sucks. And like, I jokingly, I said this on Brittany and Britney's podcast. I did their podcast. This is the worst, which would be out now. I joked that I got this DM from this girl that was like, Ashley, I'm in a long-distance relationship, Denver to Phoenix. And I was like, do not talk to me. What a dream?

I mean, I'm like, you don't. I can't do a spontaneous trip. Like, I mean, we can, but like, it's a whole day. It's a whole ass day. You look to L.A. will eat 12 hours of your day. Yeah. The flight is five and a half hours. It's no different.

L.A. to Boston's the same as L.A. to New York. I mean, it's just like, God, when I'm going there, I'm like, this is my whole day. Like, let's say I get picked up at 5.30 in the morning. I get to his apartment at 5.30 at night. You know, like, it's your whole ass day. And you at least have a job where you can work and be available on a plane. But not everybody has that. Yeah. It's really hard. Like, I was able to do it. I mean, I did like New York to Charleston. I did New York to D.C. Again, those are also four-hour train ride to D.C., hour and a half flight to Charleston. Like, you could do that really easily. Same time zone, at least you're like winding down at the same time and waking up at the same time. I mean, we love it when we're on the same time zone.

Like, I'm in Delaware or whatever. It's interesting though. I talked to this couple. This was a baby shower we were out recently. And they've done distance all over the world. Like they've done, I don't know, coast to coast, New York to Singapore, to London. Like, they're just like lived all over. And they were like, I think they were half joking, but not really. They were like, our hardest was Boston to New York because we felt like a pressure to have to see each other every weekend. And that's still four hours. It's four hours in a train. It's four and a half in a car or whatever.

And so it's like almost that point where it just sucks. It's not two. And you feel a pressure to see each other every weekend. And it's almost like makes it worse. I don't know. That's funny. It's funny. Everybody has a different tolerance level for time zones and travel.

Some people would be like, it's got to be a train ride. It can't be a plane ride. Yeah. You know, I can't afford it. I can't take that much time off. It's very, very one size fits one. But we'll just answer this because I get it all the time. And then we can kind of get into this like how to make it work.

tips and things. But I mean, I would say we see each other if I were to average it out over the past like 10 months every probably two and a half weeks because in a perfect world we see each other every other week. It doesn't happen all the time. But you know, that is one person like traveling a month. And then like I saw him a ton over the holidays. That was in the East Coast a bunch. He was, he came out here to surprise me in L.A. Like it felt so nice. It was way more often. And then we've done that like one month. Two other times. One, we were traveling all over Europe. So it was like no big deal. I didn't really notice as much than one other time. And it just, it's like weighs on you. Like, I feel the difference in that last week so much. Like, the three weeks,

we can do it. But that fourth week, you're like, I feel crazy. I feel like I'm like really frustrated. I'm like, I can't do another fucking FaceTime date. Like, I'm just like, and I'm not taken out on him, but I just feel like frustrated. Like, you're so sad. Yeah. I'm like so sad. Yeah. So if you can do it when you are every other week and that's one person traveling a month, man, that you got it locked in. And then when we have those back-to-back weekends, we feel like a real couple. It's just really nice. Like the few times that it's been like, see you next weekend. It's happened like three times where I'm like, this is like pure joy.

This is really special. It is really special. Yeah. And you know, naysayers, I think, you know, I was reading like, why not to do. Like, we'll say like, you know, it extends the honeymoon phase and it's sort of like a fake parallel universe to like an actual relationship. And I don't necessarily agree with that. I think that, first of all, who cares if you've extended the honeymoon phase?

That sounds awesome. If you keep things exciting, if the sex is more fun and really, rampant when you do see each other. I mean, I loved that moment when you, the first time you see somebody that you're in a lot of this relationship with, you haven't seen in weeks, you just fuck immediately and you just don't stop. God, it's so fun.

Cabo, I just I never even saw you. You can walk for a week. Face was all red every second. You were just flushed the whole weekend. Take me back. I like met my ex in Miami. He was like fingering me in the elevator, like on the way up in the hotel. Like, you just

want each other so badly. And I think that it just, it keeps it alive a little bit more. And yes, obviously, like, when you see each other every few weeks, you overplan and you make all these, like, exciting reservations and stuff. But, like, that's a fun way to live. And I'm not saying, like, prolong that forever and never really see somebody in their environment to the point that you've idealized them to be somebody else.

And I do want to talk about that a little bit. But, like, I think it's nice that you make it a priority. You make it special every time you see each other. The stakes are higher. So you make all these reservations and plans. And it feels nice. It's a nice way to live. Yeah, it absolutely is. And I mean, yeah, like a valid concern is absolutely how do we go from this fun, exciting, long distance to like moving in together, which I don't think is necessarily the move. We can talk about it. But even moving to the same city and doing what your sister-in-law did, moving into her own place, which I think is great if you can do that. But I get it. It's a valid concern. But I don't know. That wasn't the right person for you, you know, which is unfortunate. But you don't know until you know. And it's on my mind. I know this is the right person for me. But I still, I don't, I can't see

the future. You know, I have hesitation about even living with somebody and those things are swirling in my head, too, of what would it be like just because it is the unknown. But I do think we've gotten a real taste of like our real lives at this point, you know, and we've done all the things and we've, you know, spent so much downtime together and do our daily like grocery shopping. And I feel comfortable like going, doing a workout when he's in town. You know, like we don't have to be planned, planned itinerary. And, you know, when he was here for New Year's, I mean, we were like, man, we watched like 12 movies. I mean, we just like laid around, you know. so it's not always go, go, go.

But yeah, it's a concern. And I think that that's valid. I think that I certainly in my last relationship had an idealized view of him. That, like, even though I would spend a week out in L.A. with him quite often, like, long periods of time. He came to New York for three weeks and stayed with me. Like, we spent long periods of time together. It's just, it takes a while to get to know, like, how does somebody deal with real problem? How do they problem solve?

How do they take care of their life? I guess, you know, the main concern is, like, we travel. the time we've always found plans but like what is somebody like after a long shitty day at work because somebody long distance gets to take a beat have a glass of wine cook dinner then they call you you know like even like when i walked in the door from miami and my neighbor was staying with me and i just like couldn't talk i could not be bothered to speak to somebody it didn't matter all night he was like can i get you anything i was like well you can get me is staying the fuck away for me like i guess you just don't know until you know and then you cross that bridge and you hope that

you spent enough time with another person to really know what they're like in different situations and then you address it. But I certainly did do that in my last relationship. And I just talking on the phone every day is not being with somebody that's not being in a day-to-day relationship necessarily of like, I come home to you every day and this is what you're like. And this is how you are when you wake up every day, not how you are when you wake up and you're just excited to see me for two days and then I leave. Yeah. I mean, I know I had this moment at Miami where I was just like in a bad mood that it rained. We just had our show had gotten canceled.

Like I was just not in a good headspace. and then we woke up and it was going to rain all day that day. I was just like, oh my God. And like, I just like, you know, he went out and got his coffees. Like my coffee wasn't hot. And I was like, oh, my God, I feel it coming on. I feel like a bitchy side. Like, I feel like I'm just my like frustrated, annoyed, like bitchy side coming out.

And like, I don't want you to see it. Like, you know, like you don't have to see this. I get to hide this from you. Like, and I don't know. Like, those things weigh on me. I'm like, why I've always been out here preaching. I don't want to live somebody. But I love him.

I want to, I would live with him. I mean, I want to be with him, but I'm like, those things are a concern. So, yeah, like, Rana said, like, be realistic and don't romanticize reality and don't rush into these things. Yes. That's why I think a year is a good amount of time. I do. And I hope I to, like, contradict myself, because I do think the honeymoon phase is great.

And you should prolong it. And it's nice to make every single time you're together really count. And, I mean, you're such a planmaker and you love to have tickets to concerts and dinner reservations and fun stuff plan that he's going to like. And he does that for you as well. But, like, it is important to take enough time to really. see who the person really is. Because I think after a year of dating, every weekend is not some crazy wild-ass trip. Yeah. You know? Well, I think that I've always said that if you are long

distance, you're skipping a step by moving in together. Like, I told you that. I thought it was the mistake and it was, you know. For me. Yeah, for you. Yeah. I mean, he moved. I don't know if I've ever talked about this, but I don't care. He moved from where I, I missed him so much. I, like, felt like I was going to die. And, like, we didn't have a lot of, like, really serious conversations about finances and that is like a really, I just will never make the mistake again. I just like, I missed him so much and I was like, I'll do whatever it takes to get him here. You know, like, I'm going to shoot first and aim later. Yeah.

And like that was a big mistake and I would never make that mistake again. Like there was a lot of conversations we should have had before he just moved to New York. And it melted down. I mean, when I say immediately, I mean, fucking immediately melted down. I didn't want somebody in my space. He didn't have his own life there. I think he felt like I was just dragging him from like thing to thing. And essentially I was because he didn't really have a lot of friends there.

And so I wanted to integrate him to my life. And I think I thought that was a really positive thing. But he just sort of felt like he didn't have time to acclimate as much. We started by it wasn't good. It ended the relationship. Yeah. I mean, that obviously wasn't your person. You know, like it would have ended.

Also for a million other reasons. Yes. Yeah, for a million. Exactly. That wasn't what did it. But I also see a world in which you might be with somebody that you could have a future with and you rush it. And that's what blows it up.

Like, I think moving in together, especially into a tight space, can be a recipe for disaster. It can also work. But like, if you met somebody in a different city and you were dating for a few months, six months, four months, whatever it is. And you're like, this is kind of dope. And I like this person. And I've been wanting to move anyway or they've been wanting to move anyway. And someone makes it move.

Like, maybe you get your own place and build your own life there. Like, and again, this works for people. People have whirlwind romances. They meet. They do long distance. Two months later, they live together and they work out. and they stay together forever. So, of course, it can work.

But, like, I always think that that's a little of a leap is long distance to living together. It was too much for leave. For me and my specific situation. Without a year under your belt, maybe. Totally. Yeah. My situation, it just, it's sped up the inevitable for us. I mean, it's shining.

Great big flashlight on every other problem that we had. Like, I felt like I would leave for work in the morning and do all this stuff and work really hard. He'd be there in the morning, not doing anything. And I'd get home after a very hard day. long day you and I are just like doing all this shit. He'd just still be fucking sitting there. And I didn't feel like he contributed to the house in any way.

I mean, he's a wonderful person. But like these things would have come up eventually anyways. And if I'd given it a little bit longer, I probably would have seen them and not been in such an idealized version of him. And to your point of like moving into another apartment if you can, I guess not everybody has the financial resources to do it. But my sister-in-law did it. And when she was moving from New York to Chicago to be with my brother, I thought it was crazy.

He thought it was crazy. He was like, she was going to live down the street for me. And she was just, she really put her foot down. It was just like, I've never lived in Chicago. I want to build a life for myself here. Yes. I don't want you to be the only person and the only thing that I have here. And I mean, it just really worked out.

I mean, I think she did it for one year and lived really close to him. Yeah. And again, like you said, some people are like, hello, I don't have that kind of money. Well, she didn't either, by the way. Like she was young and maybe 24 or 25. I mean, I don't know. What I knew for certain that if he moved here, he would not live with me in that West Hollywood house. There was just not enough room, you know, and we hadn't been together as long.

But, I mean, I'm thinking about it. We have discussions about it, you know, and this is just my general hesitation to living with somebody has nothing to do with him. I know that he's the person I want to be with. So I'm like, I'm moving him to a bigger house now. Like, it wouldn't be a both people working for a home situation. I think that can be a recipe for disaster. Again, if it works for you, that's great.

But, I mean, there is a world in which we do it. And there's a world in which I'm sitting here saying, like, you know, it's such a mistake to skip that step. And then I do it. So I want to be clear. It just has to be right. I have to feel comfortable. He has to feel comfortable and just think about all these things.

Like you did rush into it. You did not think about those things. But it ended the relationship, which was going to end anyway. So maybe it was for the best. Like, you know, you could have pushed. He could have got his own place. And then you would have been together six four months and just like prolonging the inevitable. So.

Yeah, I could have waited four more months and enjoyed like what was happening. But like if we ever had had those discussions about finances and goals where you see it, it would have just broken down to begin with. And Ashley and I never speak in like rules. Everything is one size fits one. It's not like you have to do this. For some people you could move right in together and that's great. 100%. I just, I think we're here offering like our advice and our listeners advice and cautionary tales.

All right. I want to get into this because the number one thing people said and which is also my advice as well is like you've got to sit down and plan and know the next time you're going to see each other. So everyone said that. Like you always know when you're going to see them next. Have that to look forward to. You're not left wondering, which I think is like a general rule. Every person I asked, every piece of you. advice to have the next time planned. Yeah, like, we'll, like, set aside time and, like,

all jokingly be like it's Q2 planning. You know, I'll send a calendar invite. I'm just kidding. You would send it for me because I can't send a calendar invite. But we'll sit down and, like, have a very, like, you know, unsexy, open our laptops up, look at our calendars meeting, essentially, and really work through. I think last September we did it. We planned through the whole year. And it felt really good. Like, it was such a sense of relief. Like, we have both found that, like, when we know these things are booked, we feel such a sense of relief surrounding them. It just removes like the ambiguity. And I think it's really important. It makes me feel respected. Yeah. And this is when the effort comes in. Like it's another thing in my life. And I'm

happy to do it, but that I have to dedicate time to and like work on. And, you know, we've had these minor issues where something had come up, we didn't move a fucking show. I'll tell you guys. Like, not that we had announced it. Not that we would ever move a show that we had tickets to. But we had a show in Boston. And it came up that he had a family wedding. And I'm like, well, you can't miss this wedding. And you can't not come to that fucking show. So we changed and we will be announcing dates soon. But it was like a thing where I was like, are you fucking kidding me? I have to like, tell my age, and we have to move the show for my boyfriend.

Is this for real? But it like was important and we were able to do it. We had enough runway to do it. And like there was one other time where he'd forgotten about this bachelor party and he is on top of his shit. Like it's not that he's- People make mistakes. But yeah, it was just like I have made mistakes too. And so those are the only things we've really run into where we just have to be so meticulous about our schedules,

checking with friends and family. I'll check with you. Raina, do we have anything? You and I both have weddings this weekend. We keep trying to plan shows that we get the amount of time. We keep forgetting we have weddings this one weekend. But we are going to announce a tour soon. Yes. But the scheduling is important. And I think people think things like that like scheduling conversations, money conversations are so unsexy. Sorry, you got to have them. Like, you got to get your stuff aligned if you're trying to make a long distance relationship work as unromantic as it made. The worst thing I've ever done in a relationship is not address a thing that was bothering me. And it didn't just stop bothering me. And it didn't just stop bothering me. By the way, it got worse. Yeah. So you've got to talk about the money stuff. You have to. Yeah. And your schedule.

And I think it's hysterical when you guys do your Q1 planning. And I think it's really important to feel like this person has made an intentional effort to, like, make plans of me. I know what I'm going to see them next. I have something to look forward to? And then I can plan my life around it. Like, haven't you'd be up in the air. I couldn't do that. Oh, no.

Not at all. I mean, we know months out. And like, we know we're not going to go this long. And it does work out. But like, everybody said that. I mean, I'll just rattle off a couple of other things that are like my tips, but also tips that we got. I mean, we obviously, like, FaceTime all the time.

We'll set a FaceTime date here and there. Well, FaceTime three times a day sometimes. But, like, we'll also set those dates of, like, we're having a date night. It's cheesy and corny, and we do it. Can I tell you a thing that I wrote down that he does? Yeah. Okay. So I think that obviously, like, FaceTiming, phone sex, all those things are really important,

like technology-wise. But finding other ways to connect it and don't involve the phone. And I think he's really great at, like, flowers. He sends you snacks. And I think it's really nice to trade clothing. So if you can, like, have a piece of, like, a sweatshirt of somebody. I think that like things. You guys know that. I think communication is like so important. But like there's other fun ways to like feel connected to somebody. And like just that you like wear a sweatshirt. Like I think that those things are really important. The gifts and everything was on my list, but not the clothes. And like I don't know. One time when he came to visit, he like left me a sweatshirt. He kind of like hit it. I was like that's like so cute. It's so cute. But yeah. I mean, the FaceTime thing like we'll cook on FaceTime. Like a lot of times like I'm cooking and we'll have dinner. I mean, we're not eating dinner at the same time. But I'll eat or I'll watch him cook. and we send gifts that they don't have to be expensive.

You know, like I recently sent in this candle, this hotel lobby candle he loves for my house. I've like drizzlyed him beer before. He'll send me snacks or breakfast or lunch. He's a big flower guy and all those things. But a little goes a long way. Like it can just be a card or a note. Like he has stuck notes in like my bag before when we're leaving a like a hotel room, for example.

Like I have one of my wallet now. Like little things like that. Like hidden notes, small gifts, postcards. It's like those small things. And people have said this too. Again, this is like a lot of my stuff that's like everybody is. kind of reiterated when we asked in Instagram. But I think little routines are good, too, like, one thing that we have, and it's okay if we like miss a day. It's not that rigid. But like on the

weekend mornings, we always talk on the phone or FaceTime while I'm getting up. I mean, if I'm getting up at nine or 10, it's already his afternoon. But like, you know, especially if I had some drinks tonight before. I'm like slow to wake up. And he always calls me or FaceTime's me if I'm ready. And that's like a thing. I like to like hear his voice. I'm like laying in bed. It feels like we're like waking up together on the weekend. And I mean, we have a playlist. We both add to. We send photos all the time. You know, it was like sexy picks, of course, but also just like our outfits before we go out, you know, Zool picks, pictures with our friends. I put playlist on my list. I think that that's really like a fun way to connect. Yeah. And we sexed, of course, and all of that.

Like, I don't need to dive in all the details of our cyber sex life. But I think like every couple's different. And some people are certainly going to be more into phone and FaceTime sex and some art. And I think whatever works for you is fine. I mean, we have a sexual connection. But we're not having FaceTime phone sex all the time. I think you can speak a little more to that. I mean, you have phone sex on the street at 3 p.m. We're never not having phone sex. Yeah, so Raina can talk on that. And of course, you know, your vibes only long distance lover. We have these vibrators and they connect to our app and your partner can control it. And it's such a fun thing for long distance couples. People go crazy for it. All of our toys can do this.

They all have a Bluetooth chip. And with our vibes only app, you can control, I mean, you can be in Paris and New York and control somebody's vibrator. It's a fun way to connect. And even if you're like just kind of playing around with it. Like, yeah, it's awesome if you're doing a whole shebang. You're doing a whole, like, sexual experience. But even if you're just like, babe, this would be so funny. It's like, you can just be funny about it. You don't have to be like, oh, my God, a whole sexual experience, you know, or that, whatever you want. But I mean, he's just a really thoughtful, sentimental guy. Like, a lot of guys aren't going to do all this stuff, and that's okay, too, you know, like as long as you feel like they're prioritizing you and thinking about you

and it doesn't have to be all the things, all the times over the top. I don't think you need to spend a ton of money either. I like when he, like, Instacarts you a snack, yeah. Drisly, somebody, a beer. Like, I think that that's really fun. And if you do like once a month, that's just cute. Throwing somebody into somebody's suitcase, the sweatshirt thing. Like, little things. Like, yeah, I think he is like a top tier, like, thoughtful person. Not everybody's going to be like that.

But I think we all want to feel like we're a priority to somebody else. And there's different ways to, like, show that. I mean, certainly communication is important. And like you said, everybody's level is a little different. Like, I like to be in constant communication all day. Right. I talk about this. Yeah.

I want a text and I want a phone call at the end of the day. I love phone sex. Everybody's level of like tolerance for sexy picks, phone sex, FaceTime sex, not doing that shit. That's crazy. But like I'll send a lot of sexy picks and I think you can keep things really spicy and exciting. And maybe you're like, I would never. That's fine. Like also, Ashley and I've done tons of episodes on dirty talk, FaceTime sex, masturbating on the phone, dirty videos.

So you can go back to the catalog of episodes and look at those. We won't get like everything. But like that might not be in your repertoire, but like just take a cleave and shot down your shirt. Like it doesn't have to be pussy ass. all the time. Like, just to cleave it shut down your shirt at work thinking about you. Like, it doesn't have to be so wild and crazy. Yeah, my last boyfriend and I, he was very into phone sex.

Every night, every night we had phone sex. It was crazy. One day, yes. One day I was walking down the street. Oh, yeah, Ashley's brother's wedding. My mom heard of the house. Yeah. He was really into it, though.

I didn't have to, like, push him into it. I can see being like, well, my partner's never initiated this. I don't know how to, you know? I mean, the guy that I've had, like, the long distance on and off for, like, so many years, I always had phone sex like five times. and I initiated her time and still pretty... He doesn't participate that much. I really cowboy the experience.

So, you know, some people aren't really super into it. And I don't think you just change your whole life. But, like, I think just, like, a cute, like, look how cute my butt looks in these shorts. Like, anything to just be, like, thinking about you, spicy, sexy, you don't have to be like me having phone sex in the middle of the day, brought daylight walking down the street. Yeah. That is so... I'll never, I'll never forget it. I'll never forget it either.

Yeah, absolutely. And if you don't do that at all, it's fine, you know, but I do think like Rain is dead, like sexy picks. And, you know, it's just not all guys are good at them, but some are. Some are. I will say that. I don't want, well, listen, I love dick picks. I love him so much. But sometimes I really just enjoy a hard dick in a sweat pant.

Oh, no. I'm not talking about like full frontal dick. I'm just like. Full frontal dick. I don't really need that. I'm talking like sexy suggestive. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll take full frontal dick. But. just a hard dick being like gripped in your boxer shorts all day. Ooh, that's a good one. That's one of my favorite. Yeah, the grip of the hard dick with boxers on or, you know, sweats on or whatever. I don't have too much else. I just think like when you're talking about traveling, like trying not to keep score and less

it gets really one-sided. But like there's going to be times that it just ebbs and flows. Like any type of relationship. I mean, in our business relationship, there's times where I'm like, you know, you got surgery and I'm carrying the company or, you know, someone's got a hangover or someone's traveling or whatever it is. Like everything kind of ebbs and flows where like you really are putting in more effort at a certain time with the hope that the other person will put in more effort another time. Yeah. Like I've gone there three times in a row. Well, you know, down the road, he'll have to come here.

Like, whatever it is, I just think like unless it just feels really one-sided for a long extended period of time and you don't feel like it's equal. And I love this quote that someone wrote. It's about equally splitting the travel, but also considering who is time versus who has money. And I think that's important. You talked about that with like your brother and your sister-in-law, You know, those things are different. You know, sometimes people have more time, sometimes people have more money. Sometimes one person has both, you know, and then that person's going to do more of the travel. Like, you just got to think about this.

Like in a perfect world, you both would have tons of time and tons of money, but that's not always reality. Yeah. Or if somebody's always traveling, then you make the plans all the time. You make all the reservations and you try to find the things that are like maybe like a fun museum exhibit or whatever it is that you guys are fucking into. I think that's really important to just feel like the effort is reciprocated. Yeah, absolutely. All right. Well, I feel like we covered a lot.

I mean, people are like, yeah, it's been two hours. You've covered a lot. I just, you know, listen, it's a good time to be in our long-distance relationship technology-wise. Like, we didn't have this FaceTime back in my day. I mean, if you're going to make it work, this is the time. Voice notes? Yes, exactly. I love a voice note.

To wake up a voice note? Yeah. Nothing better. There's never been more resources, vibrators and apps included to make a long-distance relationship work. So we have that going for us. Yeah. And more people are remote than ever in the history of time. So you can travel and do all this stuff and tell you guys what's like to be alive in 24.

No, but that's true too. That's so true. I love that point. You know, like that's a lot of people's reality. So, yeah, listen, I believe in it. Will I work out? Who fucking knows? Yeah.

Godspeed. But I think here as well. Yeah, thanks. All right, well, we covered it. That's it. Thank you guys for all of your input. We really posted a lot of question slides on this. And you guys, of course, answer.

are in droves and give us all your thoughts and feelings and tips and opinions and we're just so thankful always. Yeah. Thank you guys. We love you and all of your input and we're not gatekeeping the live shows. We'll talk about it later. Oh yeah. And we have fun. No one's only going to be. Definitely Boston. Someone wrote like, please tell me you're coming to Boston. I'm like, bitch. It's actually the only city. I would be like year to year. We put about a year and a half in between most cities. Yeah. Boston is the one that I'm just like no matter of it. We'll go back. We'll go. We're going to go. People have been sending me a bunch of like DMs where I'm like do you not know me you know like someone said like Ashley you got to

watch season one of love is blind I was like we put love is blind in the mat I laughed out loud and then someone said hey this is a deep cut but the idea of you is being made into a movie I was like I can't we all talk about it's our whole personality not with y'all maybe we'll address that next week okay well thank you guys for listening of course you can find us at girls gotta eat dot com and girls got eat podcast on both Instagram and TikTok I am ash Hess raina is reina dot greenberg and then vibes only, of course, that's going to be vibes only.com, and then you can buy a vibrator and download the app. And that's vibes only on Instagram as well. Subscribe on YouTube, share this episode with a friend, share it with your long-distance partner and talk about it and chat about it and figure out

what resonates. Yeah, podcast. Great thing to also do. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.