Girls Gotta Eat - Losing Your Partner (and Loving Again) with Kelly Rizzo

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

We are joined by Kelly Rizzo, wife of the late, great Bob Saget, to talk about losing your partner, grief, healing, and finding love again. She shares the story of how Bob slid into the DMs, why she was skeptical of dating him at first, and their love story up until his unexpected death. She opens up about the grief, coping with being a young widow, who and what helped her heal, guilt surrounding dating again, and how the love in her current relationship co-exists with the love she still has for Bob. We also discuss how you can support someone who is grieving, and she shares passages she wrote in her grief journal regarding what TO say and what NOT to say to someone dealing with such a monumental loss. Before Kelly joins us, we are discussing our love/hate relationship with flip-flops and breaking down Instagram fonts (Are story captions getting too small? What does your signature font say about you?). Enjoy! Follow Kelly on Instagram @kellyrizzo and check out her podcast Comfort Food. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at https://quince.com/gge, AG1: Get an AG1 Flavor Sampler + free bottle of Vitamin D3 + K2 with your first subscription at https://drinkAG1.com/gge. Blissy: Get 60 nights risk free plus 30% off at https://blissy.com/gge with code GGE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm supposed to move on or when everyone else says you're supposed to do this or not supposed to do this. And you really just learn that there are no rules. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi, guys. Rain adult. Don't start. You guys, that's got to die. Just leave it.

Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls got to eat. It's not so hungover. I don't know how to function. What if that was our energy, though? You walked in this room and I was just sitting in the dark. I know. When someone's just sitting in the dark, you're like, oh, it's dark in more ways than one. Something's wrong. You were like, do you need a ride today? I was like, I think I need to just be on my own.

On my own journey. Our friend Bobby's staying with me. And like, I've just been upstairs in my room, just being quiet. And he was like, I'll walk into the studio. And I was like, no, no, I'm going to go. That's what two drinks on duty in your 40s, everybody. I really did not have a lot to drink last night. Yeah. Like, we both have. I've not been drinking a lot. I mean, you know, I'm usually not drinking a lot. And you can't. You're on tour.

You're working nights now. I'm a day worker and a night worker. And week to week, it varies in terms of if I have a glass of wine with dinner. And this whole week until the exception of last night, I just didn't. I had like a seltzer. I might have a little treat. I like to treat myself with something after dinner, whether it's a sweet treat, like a brownie or ice cream, but like or just something with bubbles.

And the other night I was like, do I want a. glass of wine or do I would just want like a grapefruit spin drift and I did a spin drift and I just woke up I felt so good looked so good from one spinny no rena and I'm saying would not doing alcohol not doing alcohol right never do alcohol right is going to be sundowning this whole episode I can feel it I was editing an episode recently and you just were not you were you were you were grasping like half a concept and it was because it was too late in the day Ashley you may be record on a Friday. I made her. Oh, you guys, you've made me. And I don't know how this happened. I'm right now. Ross podcast. I'm with a boss here. We didn't show yesterday. We did Netflix as a joke.

And it was so nice to just have you be in charge. I loved it. I do let it be in charge. I felt so taken care of. Okay. Let's take our partners. Okay. Thank you to Quince. Refresh your wardrobe. Get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at quince.com slash GGE. And thank you to AG1, get an AG1 flavor sampler plus a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2 free with your first AG1 subscription at drinkag1.com slash GGE and Blyssie, wake up with clear skin and smoother hair, get 60 nights risk free plus 30% off at blissy.com slash GGE with code GGE. Also yesterday we were like planning the show, I was like, I asked you a question. I was like, how we decide?

And you were like, I'll decide. Okay. So the timing of our live shows is something that I have on lock. Yeah. I've never been wrong. Well, you plan them. Well, I just, and I, you know, I've been doing stand up for 10 years. I have a concept of time to and just I know how long things are going to take.

There was one incident that the show ran too long and we had to get off stage and that was because they didn't let us know there was a curfew. It was crazy. So sorry Chicago, 23 that we had to rush the end of that show. I always know where we're at and I still am impressed with myself where I'm like it's going to be a 90 minute show and then alas 90 minutes and so reina will be like I just don't know if we have enough I don't know if it's going to be too long it's going to be too short you still are doing this 250 shows later I don't know I think it's going to be too short I think it's going to be too long and I'm like

just leave it to me I've leaned in okay I've had to be in charge of my whole self this whole tour. I had to make like a really hard professional decision the other day. And I was just like, I have to just do this alone. It was all by yourself. And wait, why could I help or no? Did you ask for my opinion? What was it? Is this private? Oh yeah, yeah. That one I said, you do you. I said I will support you either way. I did not want to. You were 51% in the camp of do it. Yeah. But I was like, I'm not going to push you on this. So, but you did, you know, you did the thing. You know, you and I joke around.

You and I work really hard at this business, obviously. Yeah, I know. People are just like in the wrong idea. We also have different responsibilities. Yeah. So, and also, we've just been in business long enough that I do just trust you. I like, when I'm like you just do it, it's like I just, I know it will be done well. I don't have to worry about it.

Well, thank you guys. But yeah, I've just been out here being in charge of me and it's exhausting. But you weigh in on stuff. I feel, you know, you have been on tour longer than me. So like in terms of like what's fair to pay people, what's expected in terms of like cover this, don't cover that. Like I do turn to you more because it's my first tour. Yeah.

Happy to help. I need you to love those conversations. Manage me. Be in charge of me. We're wearing a matching flip flops today. Didn't I get you those? Yeah. So I still, you know, I will say I never really thought I would be back into flip flops like

thong sandals. Obviously we all wore them for so many years, Javiana, Rainbow. I feel like that was more of a style thing. But then that was like all we wore. And then I retired them and they kind of went out of style. And I was like, I do need more support. And now they are back. And I love the look.

And I don't like the way they feel. And so I'm not comfortable and I don't feel stable. You have been saying that for a long time. And yet you're always out. I'm doing it. I know. And they're so light and small to pack. But even Shishonk and I went to dinner, which just walked to a place in our neighborhood.

And I was like, I shouldn't have worn these. I don't feel secure. You don't have a fear of slipping. You get scared about slipping. And I just don't have the support. Like we used just to roll around willy-nilly flip-floppin. I'd rather wear a slide. This is just not.

I mean, it looks scary. No, it looks like that might snap. And then you have no shoe. Exactly. And then you have a Chanel heel cover. I walked here in my teaks. Crazy. And I just, I'm comfy.

Do you feel comfortable? I feel ugly, but I, like, my feet are just out there to the world. and I haven't had a pedicure in like three weeks, and they are long. Do you feel supported? Nothing could support me today. I'm actually surprised you're hung over and flip-flops. Like, I would feel so insecure.

I would feel really just not. I'm already so uncomfy. I was just like, who cares? I do look at them and they look like they're going to snap. But I just, I didn't think I would love the way they look with so many different outfits. And so here we are. And so just know, if you guys see me out in these streets in these teeks, I look good, but I don't feel good.

I've been trying to figure out something that's in between teeks and snakes. Guess what I will not be doing. Loafer's? No. I like this ballet flats. Oh, ballet flats. Whatever you guys want to do, and they are in style, but there's the ballet flat, I will never.

And then there's this ballet flat sneaker hybrid. Fuck no. That I refuse. No, but these are what's in. And I don't want it. I hate it. I personally look so stupid with a ballet flat. You were those clear ones recently.

I don't like those. Yeah, I haven't seen him in a... I sold them on. Podgework. Obviously you did. Raina's other job. That's why I have to run this company because Rain is busy on my other work.

I'm busy selling everything I own. My shopping addiction. Well, I'm trying to condense three bedrooms of clothing into one bedroom apartment at some point. But yeah, ballet flats I still like because I feel like I'm tiny and I could do ballet flats. Yeah, you look cute. But like I went, I did this podcast with this guy the other day

and I was randomly trying to look cute. I don't know why. You were, you were. I was trying to look kind of cute. And I didn't know what shoes to wear. You don't know why? Because you're single and he's fun and good looking. Yeah, but I'm not going to date that guy.

So what? You're right. That's true. I'm not, I can't take him seriously. It's like a prospect, but he is cute. So I wanted to like look cute. As opposed to the last guy you slept with that you took so seriously. I hate him.

One thing about Rainer Greenberg is she does not take someone seriously. I don't have to take them seriously sleep with them. He fucked pretty well. I took that seriously. Took that really serious. That is true. I took that dead serious, actually.

Dead ass. Okay, so you wore those clear sandals? No, I wore Adidas. I wore, you saw me after we recorded. I wore this brown like skims, shapewear body suit and I wore, I wore Adidas like sneakers. Yeah, like sambas.

Yeah. I'm a sambas girl. Yeah. But I just, the ballet, are in and this Bally Flats sneaker situation and it just couldn't be me. And this is just whatever you want to do, this is just my taste. I think they're hideous. And if you like it, then I love that for you. I like a loafer. I take myself serious and a loafer. I'm like,

she means she's at business. But then sometimes like I bought these like lugsol loafers. I was like, I look so stupid. I look stupid. My feet are too big for these. Yeah. They're too like masculine for my little body. Yeah, they were too masculine. Okay. So we have Kelly Rizzo on today. We will talk to her obviously shortly, but she was married to Bob Sagitt, who passed away, and we're talking about grief. And I met her at a dinner last week. Dear Media hosted this dinner with Pinterest, and we just started talking. And I just liked her immediately and I felt comfortable with her and I started talking shit about something in the room. They put on a great event, but there was like a thing that bothered me. It has nothing to do with them. It is the great unifier if you can just start talking

shit with somebody about something. So we just kind of bonded over that and then we got started talking and she will share her story but she was obviously married to Bob Sagin and she is dating someone new now. You might know who he is and we'll talk about that with her and just all the things. So I just wanted to say we did a grief episode when my dog Dewey died very different to lose a pet, to lose a spouse that goes without saying or a parent or to anything. A pet is different than a person. But I still just want to decide it because I do get asked about it a lot. And people message me that their pet died and they listened to it. And also people have asked that that don't know what it exists. And do we have any resources like that? So anyway, it was called pet loss, grief, relief and

showing love in February, February 8th, 2021. If you guys want to check that out. And then we had Kate Nichols, a comedian and a friend on in July of 2020. And we chatted with her about losing a parent and her mother's breast cancer and all sorts of things. So those are two grief-related episodes. If you guys are looking for this, because we asked on Instagram what you guys want to talk about. And so many people respond. I mean, there's a lot of people who have obviously dealt with loss and grief. And so we just wanted to offer those additional episodes. It's a line spot for me. I hate to be like, I never lost anybody. But I didn't have pets growing up. And my parents are healthy. My grandparents passed away when I was pretty young. You know, grandparents are supposed to

pass away. You know, I haven't had a part. When I was 19, my boyfriend dead. And that was a horrible, obviously terrible situation, but not my lifelong partner. Yeah. You know, like that was somebody I casually was dating. And of course, that was something really, really horrifying to struggle with. And more so when you're 19, just your own mortality is really, really tough to struggle with. But I've never, like, in my adult life, lost a partner or a pet or anything like that. So it's a blind spot to me. And I think that from the outside, we're all thinking, like, how do I support somebody? because you and I had a really close friend that lost her pet recently. And I said they're like, I don't know how often you want me to check in with you about this.

I don't know if you want me to bring this up every day because it's on my mind every day. Like when I talk to you, but I don't know if you, do you want to be reminded of this every single day? It is tough. And you just can ask your friend that. If you're close enough friends, like how do you want me to support you? So obviously, it's our same friend. And I just want to keep checking in on her. She's really struggled with it a lot, obviously.

Like we all do when we lose a pet. And so I try to feel a little vague. Like I'm just want to check in on you. How are you doing? I'm thinking about you as opposed to mentioning the dog even like not that I would, but I'd like to keep it. I'm thinking about you. I'll send her a voice note.

Do you want to talk? How are things going? She knows what I'm asking. You know, a lot of people when something happens, they'll check in once and then that's it. And that's also okay. It depends on your relationship. It depends on the closest to the friendship. This is a really close friend of ours.

You know, when Dewey passed, I had people checking in. for weeks, months even. And then I had people who checked and once sent flowers. And that was absolutely enough, given the nature and closeness of our relationship. Also, this is our friend Brittany Schmidt, who's been on the show. And she's talked about this publicly on her podcast and it has posted about it. But sometimes you're like, well, I don't want to bring this up in case you had like an hour of peace. I know.

And somebody's like, hey, how are you feeling? You're like, I was, I was feeling fine. I know. I know. It's crazy. So I come to this episode from the other side of things of like, I don't really know how to support somebody when they're like that from a lens of like I've been through this because I know you and her have been talking so much more because you went through the same thing.

I like, you know, I like to make everything about me and I can't make this about me. I can't be like when this happened to me, X, Y, Z. You know, truly I'm just like, you got to tell me how I can show up for you. It's so interesting because towing the line of your own experience too. Because it's not about me. I went through it and here's how I dealt with it and here's how I felt day to day and week to week. And so I find myself like, I'm not trying to bring it back to me, but it's, I think that people want to hear how did you cope or how did you feel? And so I just think with your close friends

and family, just ask these questions. Yeah. Like to your point, I mean, I would straight up ask my friend, do you want me to check in on you daily? Like, I don't want to bring this up if you're having a nice day. A little bit of happiness. Yeah. She said to me, I don't want you to bring it up a lot. She was like, you've checked in a lot and I appreciate it. And like, I'll tell you if I want to talk about it. And I was like, that, yeah, great. But like, you know, I think we all want to say in any situation, I've been through XYZ and this is how long it took me to get over it.

This is how long, like, I think that like, quote unquote, it's healthy to dwell on it. This is when like breakups anything, you know? I think to your experience with Dewey makes sense because it's like, well, how long until you felt better? I think people are like, I want to know how long until I stopped feeling so bad. But I just think most people want to be checked in on. I think you can do it in a vague way. But again, if they don't, I think they will tell you.

But I mean, someone who loses a parent or a child or a spouse, I mean, we'll talk about this today with Kelly. You're on my mind every day if you're a close friend of mine. And I want you to know, I'm thinking about you and I'm not forgetting about it. And so it is just really trying to find that balance. Losing somebody really close to you like that, I don't think you have. have many moments where you're not thinking about it. And I get served like content like this sometimes from women who have lost their mom.

And they're like, it's my whole identity. It affects every moment of every day and every decision that I make in my entire life. And again, that's not everybody's experience. But, you know, so it is interesting how much people want. You just have to like ask them and see. There's no harm in that. Everyone's different. So there is no way to know.

Like this, there is no like rule book or playbook. So we'll get into a war with her. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to chat with this article with you. I saw this and it's one of these debatable topics. This was in bustle, not the cut. So surprising.

I did see another article in the cut the other day. I was like, we got to stop. We got to stop. They're going to send us a season. I know. They're like, guys, get your own podcast. Okay. So the title is your Instagram story text is too damn small.

Okay. Tiny type is sweeping Instagram and violating the social contract of social media. If it's an art form, then it's an art form of being annoying. I guess that's like someone's quote. But it says she opens it up. As of late, scrolling through social media feels like I'm in an ophthalmologist appointment, like I'm undergoing a non-consensual vision exercise because the text, everyone's slapping on their Instagram stories seems to be getting smaller and smaller by the day.

Do you agree that you find that it's getting smaller and smaller? No, not small. It's like some people do it or some people don't. When it's too big, it feels very boomer to me. Like sometimes I write something really big and I'm like, should I be embarrassed? I don't know how boomerish is this of me, but like really small. I'm just like, what am I doing here? I do not want someone to have to screenshot it and zoom in grow up.

That is attention seeking, pick me behavior. It's the same as like people intentionally vague because they're trying to like, you know, sympathy trap or what I get attention. But I do it smaller sometimes just as an aesthetic. It's readable. And if it's something that maybe I am just trying to say. more subtly or I'm trying to be humble about something or I don't know. And then sometimes I write a giant, I'm screaming. It feels like how I'm saying the thing in my head. Yeah. I size of the

tech. It depends on how much of, like I want people to buy the tickets that we sell. I want people to buy my Poshmark stuff. No, I want people to shop our affiliate links. Like that stuff I make really big. I want clear. I'm not doing small stuff. It's not like an art form that I need to lean into. I think you and I are funny. And if I say something, I want to say it with my whole chest. I think I'm being silly, I want to just be silly. But I support people doing small text if they want to feel a little artsy in that moment. If I can't read it, if I have to actually screenshot and zoom in, get fucked. But otherwise, if it's readable, even if it's tiny, I support you. Shishonk's a small, small type guy. Okay, can I just tell you? Shachank? I never know what he's posting. And at least three times a week,

I'm like, I want to text him and ask him what this is about. And for three years, honestly, I've just been like, let him cook. Like, I can't, I don't know what to do. do. And I'm not supposed to know. Multiple times a week I want to message him and be like, what is this about? Like it'll just be like a landscape or a car or a house or like a thing. I'm just like, I don't, what is this about? But like, I'm just like, I got to let him cook.

I don't know. Yeah. He's, he's just, it's his niche interests. Yeah. Yeah. Like, do you understand it today today? I know that it's just something he likes. Yeah.

It's like he likes architecture and cars and music and deep cuts and Mac Miller. and a lot of times it's a building and I'm like I don't know what's a building you just need to start trolling it what is this why I want to ask him all the time and then the like urge passes where I'm sometimes just like I got to let people live I got to let people just like be who they are I can't be in Shrechonk's comments every day like what does this mean just do it who cares okay make a answer okay so there's just couple quotes of the article I think that are interesting so someone says whenever I have done it though I don't do it often it's because I'm using my small voice it's not something that I necessarily want people to feel that they need to read. You can be a passive consumer of the main visual image, but if you're interested in the fine print, it's there for you. Okay, I sort of get that. Like, that is sometimes how I feel. Like, I'm like, the copy is the least important part of this post. The only real problem I have in this world with Instagram is too much, too much text. Who's reading this? Who is this for? Well, all this information. I mean, I do that.

I'll fill a screen if it's about like a political thing. You don't abuse it. Some people abuse it. Okay, right. It's their journal. Yes. Some people, like, some food bloggers like go to the grocery store and the Instagram store like seven different things at the grocery store and they explain to you why they like it.

And I didn't need this. You write a cookbook. Yeah. This should be in a dock somewhere and you should print it later. And like make this a feed post and like it'll be my business if I read this later. But don't put this across my desk and make me do this. And make me hold it down with my thumb. I'm with you, but I'll fill a screen.

I have something to say. Yeah. But you're right. Like use it sparingly. Yeah, don't abuse it. Do you have a signature font? I have just been going back and forth a lot. Okay, sometimes I noticed that you and I have been doing the same font for like a few days.

And I'm like, I got to switch up the font. And I go back and I do deco a lot when I'm trying to be like classy. I do deco. Okay. Wait, let me see their names. Okay. So we have the Instagram story fonts. Modern, classic, signature, editor, poster, bubble.

double, deco, squeeze, typewriter, strong, meme, elegant, directional. Who's ever used that? And literature. Wait, I think signature is the one I use the most, right? That's like the pretty one. I'll show you my answer to. This one? Is this signature?

No. Which one's that? That's poster. Okay, so my number one is poster. You do like poster. Yes. But sometimes I'm just like I feel like I'm just taking it too far. Like it's just, it's too big and it's just, it's too designy for what we're doing

here. And so I do Deco. It's a sheriff. It's a difference between a serif and a son serif. Uh-huh. I like Deco if I'm trying to communicate information. Like I want you to take this seriously. Our girl's got to eat signature. We decided.

Ashley decided it's classy. Yeah, it's classy. And I like a classic every once in a while. Classic just means I mean business, you know? I'm not trying to jazz it up. I just want to disseminate a little bit of information in a way that's just, you know, it feels like home. Classic is me every day. If I veer from it, it's, I'm making a statement.

Like if, you know, I would have used. a signature or a elegant for some of my like maybe my wedding stuff or something like that. And I love when they do a holiday font, the Halloween font. Okay, but do you, if you have classic on a few Instagram stories, will you switch to another one while those stories are still up? Yeah, because it's not that serious. Yeah, I take it. That serious.

Like that, I'm like I'm taking this way too seriously. Yeah, I'll switch it up. But I, you know what? When all the new ones came out, I was like, am I really still going to do classic with all these other options. And for a while, I was in my poster era. I like Strong. Strong is strong. Which one's strong? Strong is just, it's got a little slant. It's bold. I do not like Strong. You know what I'll never do. Meme. Meme is like a comic sans. Let me see it. Strong is great just I don't like it. Who is using me? The same people that use comic sand.

What's the one next to meme? I hate that one too. Elegant. That is that looks like Disney adults. Oh my gosh. I didn't see that coming. Okay. Deco's cute. Yeah. Squeeze a fun sometimes. Taylor Frost, our friend, squeeze giant. All the time. Always. It's not for me. It's not for me. She's a great follow though. She can do whatever she wants. Okay. Well, let us know what your guy's signature font is. I think about this a lot. I do too. Can I tell what I hate doing? Feed posts. I hate them. What do you mean? I just get really nervous about captions. I'm just not that, I'm not a caption. I'm a clever caption person. And I just get like really nervous every time I'm going to post a feed post. I hate it. Is this a

a hard launch of how many times I've written your captions. You write my captions a lot. You leave really good comments. Like it's not an art form I'm good at. And I think I'm really funny, but I'm not good at the, you leave really good comments. You live good comments in mind. Shishonk leaves really good comments. Like he's funny. I'm not good at it. Like I feel like I just tweeting was never an art for me. Okay. Yeah. So you haven't been training. But like how does one train? I don't know. I mean, I'm also like a mamer. Like I love short, quippy internet shit. You do.

It's just, it's not of me. Okay. Yeah. I just, I get nervous about all that stuff. I'm just like, every once in a while, something strikes me and I can just be like a ridiculous person. I like that. I don't write them all.

It's, I'll do like one a quarter. And one time we like a workshopping thing. We all came up with it together. I forget. And Greece, I think. Okay. Well, let's thank our partners. And then we will get into it with Kelly.

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nice and just will stand the test of time. And so even if it's just like a white t-shirt, and like a solid pair of jeans. It's just something that like looks intentionally put together. And you can get those basic pieces on Quince. I truly love what they do. They use premium materials. They have European linen and organic cotton and ultrothed denim. This is Quince, the top.

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All right, guys. We are very excited to welcome our guest today. She is best known for her award-winning lifestyle and travel media brand. eat travel rock and she is the host of the podcast comfort food please welcome to the show kelly riso oh thank you so much for having me this is so exciting i was just giddy the whole drive here we're so glad to have you we met last week we did our little meat cute was that our chairs were back to back and there was a photographer that was just like flash bombing the entire group and we were looking each other were like is that normal like that's not okay like we were blinded

this person. Blinded. Like I feel like I was getting brain damage and I was just like, who in the room can I talk shit with? And I just, upon meeting you, I was just like, so how about that a flash? Right. But you said the thing that I had been thinking for the past hour and all I wanted to do was to commiserate with somebody because it was so egregious. Sometimes you say it to the wrong person and they tell you to just like relax. Or they're like, it's not a big deal. And you're like, I'm on an island here, like with the hate in my heart and I need to give it to somebody. Or they didn't even flag it? Like, are we not built the same?

Are you not realizing what's happening in the room? I just immediately felt a safe place with you to talk shit about this flash. That was just so awful. So now we're here we are. Anyway, so now here we are. To talk about grief. A week later. Ashley was really excited to tell me that she met you and pitch the episode idea.

And yeah, she seemed very invigorated from this dinner. Well, you know, it's going to be a heavier topic, but we're going to keep it as light as we can. I don't know. I've always, because I'm four and a half years out now from my grief experience, you know, I've even soon after, I tried to talk about it in a lighter way because it's heavy enough. It's heavy enough. There's enough sad. I mean, you can follow, if you want to, the sad stuff, follow like a grief therapist or, you know, somebody who's really in that world to get the sad stuff. But I was like, I can't. Like, I was married to a comedian who experienced enough grief in his life that he taught me that it's okay to laugh at everything. I love that. So you were married to Bob Sagitt. I'm America's father.

Yes. I grew up with him. He like raised me. And when he passed, I mean, you realized just how beloved he was. What a gift. What a true blessing that's still still to this day. I mean, he had it when he was alive. Like anywhere we'd go, if we were walking through an airport or walking down the street, he would have people come up to him. I'm not joking. And just start crying and be like, you don't understand. You raised me. Or I didn't have a dad and you were like my dad. Or like my real father abandoned me and you were there for me. And these people would just cry and get emotional. And he would be like, oh, thank you. you. And I'd be like, isn't that amazing? He's like, well, yeah, I've been getting it for 40 years, you know? And I'm like, but they're crying. And I would get emotional. And he was just so he was

always still so touched by it, but he was kind of used to it after a while. Like it was normal to him. But when I came along, I'm like, that's so incredible. And then now that's kind of trickled down to me a little bit. Like now I get all these stories. You know, people come up to me and be like, you don't understand what he did for me or how wonderful he was. And, you know, I still get people, send me pictures of them with him from 30 years ago. And it's so special. A lot of people, they become really well known for one thing. And then they are out of it.

And did he still appreciate all of the full house? He went through a phase where he didn't. I understand. Okay. He was so known for family television with like full house and America's Funnies home videos. I never knew that he was a comedian growing up. And I remember seeing him on entourage. And it was the character was so.

dirty. I mean, he was like, sleeping with the prostitutes next door. I was like, this is so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Like, dad. He's naughty. Right. And like his real life persona was somewhere in between entourage and Danny Tanner. It was like exactly halfway in the middle because he wore, you know, the black robes with the cigar by the pool. Like he did an entourage. Like that's really that's real. Okay. But at the same time, you know, he was sweet and wanted to hug everybody and was a neat freak and, you know, he was, he was, he was both. Okay. But because he had done so much family television, like, he was doing, I forgot about America's Funniest videos and Full House at the same time. Totally, yes. So he was working like 18 hour days. He would be on set at Full House all day and then

go straight to America's Funny Stone videos and write the show, do the voices and record the live show. Yeah. So he was, like that was his whole life. But he was a comedian, I mean, a stand up way before that. Right. Right. Right. since the 70s, like since he was 17 when he started. So he had been doing that and he, you know, he had his blue like a reverent kind of toilet humor type of comedy. And then he does all this family television. And in his mind, he's like, they're not letting me be funny. And I'm like, but you were so funny. Like he was so good as Danny Tanner. Like it was so funny. And that cast together, the chemistry they had. That's why the show's still around. That's why people are still

watching because it's still that good. But in his mind, he's like, it's not the funny I want to be. Yeah. It was a different type of funny. I just, I didn't know. Like, it was so wholesome. I was like, what do you mean? He's a comedian. I did not grow up knowing that. And then when you find out what his comedy was like, right? It's like, that was so cool to me that you could like be in both lanes. Yeah. But it makes so much sense that he was in between. Right. You know, and we have hung out with Larry David on a few occasions and we're like, he is that person. He's that. Yeah. Our friend is married him. where it's just like, he's just an exaggerated version of himself on curb. And a friend is a director who's working on Bridgerton.

And he was like, most actors are a version of who they are in real life. So if an actor is always playing an asshole, chances are that is like who they are. Like people don't stray too far. Yeah. So then he did a full 180. And after all that family television, he's like, I want people to see me for the comedy I want to put out there. So then that's when he went like, if you see his HBO special from my thing. early 2000s, I think it was called, like, that ain't right.

I mean, the jokes were dirty. He's like, I'm showing people who I really am. Yeah. You know, then he kind of found a happy medium, like down the road. And then really the last few years is when he really started to appreciate the full house stuff. He was really shying away from it. And then I think it was in COVID because he started on TikTok. And he started doing like little Danny Tanner bits and full house bits.

and he was like vacuuming the inside of our fridge and things like that. And he was like, all right. I kind of like it. I shouldn't push it away. I should embrace it. But maybe he felt like the world has already seen him in another light. It's fine to go back now, you know. He's like people love it.

Like, why am I pushing it away? Like, why don't I embrace it? This is what people love. And I want to make, ultimately, I just want to make people happy and entertain them. So this is what the people want. This is what I'll give them. And the people that appreciate his stand up. and the dirtier stuff, the specials are there.

And that's for that audience as well. We span both types of audiences. If you're seven years old and want to watch full house or if you want to watch the aristocrats, like no matter which way you go. Wait, can I tell you a full house thing that happened to me like two days ago? I was on this podcast and I was like flirting with this guy. He was like, we're just flooring with each other.

And he was like, you know, you remind me of. And I was like, oh, and he was like the neighbor from full house. Gia? No, Kimmy. Kimmy. Gibbler. Kimmy Gibler? And he was like,

Andrea Barber. And I was like, it feels bad. No. And I like, and then I looked it up and I was like, I do kind of see it. Looks wise. Well, for what it's worth. Andrea Barber, who plays Kimmy Gibbler, is a gem of a human being. And she is just such a doll.

And I love her. And you know what? Kimmy Gibbler was a great character. It was a great character. I see she was supposed to be kind of annoying. She just like blew into the house. And she was supposed to. drive the adults nuts,

especially. Right, but I love that about her. She did such, she did a great job at it. I said Gia initially, which Gia was the bad friend. Oh, but I love Gia. I know. Like, and who's actress? Marla Sokoloff.

Yes. So, like, I just, she's the one that sticks out to me. Because I was also like, kind of scared. She was so cool. She's smoking in the bathroom. Oh my God. She was so cool.

But Kimmy Giver was not cool. I wanted to be Gia. I think she was though. Kimby Givler was not supposed to be cool. I think she was just Steve Urkel. But she was like, she was like hot Steve Urkel. No, she wasn't fully.

They blew into the house. It was just kind of like annoying with the top. No, she was quirky and eccentric. Yeah. I'm going to go watch an episode. I would not say nerdy. Right. Okay.

So the short story, Bob saw you and Raya and was like, I'm too famous to use to dry up. I'm going to circumvent this. To use it the normal way. And find her. Yeah. On Instagram, got someone else to give you a heads up. He was sliding in.

Yeah. And that's how you guys got together. Yeah. He's slid into the old DMs. And I got this message. like Bob Sagitt's going to message you on Instagram. I was like, it's weird that you get a heads up for that. But okay.

Like from a friend, do you mean? From a friend. I think she called me on the phone, like an old-fashioned phone call. He was like, hey. Bob's coming. Right. And so I was like, I wonder if it already happened. So I checked my DMs.

And I've never told anyone this story. But I was actually sitting in my ex-husband's restaurant that he owned at the time. So I'm in my ex-husband's restaurant. And he's actually, because he's a restaurant owner, he just happened to be sitting at my booth with me and my friends just saying, hi, we're friends. Yeah. And I remember he was sitting there. And I was like, guys, Bob Sagget just message me. And I remember my ex was like, what?

That's weird. He's like, I got to go. So he like got up and left. But my girlfriends were like, what? What? And I remember, I was like, oh, that's so weird. Like, I don't even know what to say to him. But it was exactly 10 years ago, like, this month.

Okay. How is how much older than you? 23 years. Had you dated men that were that much older than you? Okay. So that was like a huge age range for you. I mean, I think maybe it was like a couple years older. Uh-huh.

Not certainly not 20-3. And had you date anyone famous? I mean, in entertainment. I mean, I wouldn't say like seriously dated. You know, like dates, yes, but not in a relationship. Right, yeah, never a relationship necessarily. And did you want to get married again after being married? I was open to it, but I wasn't.

And at the time, I was. wasn't completely sure if I wanted kids. I wanted the option. Okay. Yeah. But I knew I didn't want to, but I was like, well, it's what you're supposed to do. Okay. I don't know you're supposed to have kids. So I want the option. And then I was just really caught off guard because I was like, what do I do with this Bob Sagitt situation? Just hey, it's Bob? Oh, I literally, I posted this on my Instagram a few days ago because it was the 10 year anniversary of this post. And he said, like, hey, Kelly, would love to invite you to a show and take you out first. some burgers and lobsters because he saw I was like a foodie. And he's like, if that's not too

forward, best Bob Saggett. He signed his Instagram message Bob Saggett, like all of our dads too. Best Bob Saggett. My dad's like love dad. I just riveted by, I was hanging on every word of what at the DM say. I love to invite, would love to invite you to, I think he said if it's not too forward twice. I think he said that in the same message. He's nervous. Right. And then I was just like, hey Bob, great to hear from you. Would love to check out a show if you're ever in Chicago. and ha ha love me some burgers and lobsters isn't it so funny to look back at those first messages and thank you marry that person I married him right and then he said like wow Kelly thanks for responding quite flattered you're like flattered you responded so quickly that oh he insulted you

and then pardon me was like did I was like Kelly you are so thirsty I know do less Kelly love box agate so did it happen quickly like so you know so you know I was living in Chicago and he was obviously in LA, but a few weeks later I was going to L.A. for some meetings. And so he's like, can I help set you up on some meetings? And I was like, I've heard these stories of a older Hollywood person trying to help me out. Like, no, thank you. I'm not looking for that. And that sounds like I know you have a one track mind and I'm not interested in that. And he's like, no, no, no, I promise. I just, I think you're talented. I want to help. Yeah. Right. But I, you know, I didn't know. And I was like, I was like, I don't know what to do.

And he's like, I promise, I think you're talented. I just want to help you out. And I was like, okay, fine. So he sent me up on a couple meetings. And then he's like, can I take you out to dinner when you're here? I was like, I knew it. Like that's like, there was something. Yeah. You had an ulterior motive. He's like, well, obviously. I'm not sure. I found you on the internet. I'm trying to say with you. I was like, you can come to dinner with me and my manager and her assistant. And so he came out to dinner with the three of us, two chaperones, four nights in a row. Yeah, four nights in a row.

And then Bob was like, is this fucking serious? I have two chaperones, four nights in a row. I know. A babysitter date, four nights in a row. When did he finally get you alone? So what happened was by like date three, group date three, I think one night we had our first kiss. I've literally never told anybody this before.

We had our first kiss, I think, maybe date one or two. But I was still kind of like, this? Like, this is weird. I can't have a crush on Bob Sackett. That's weird. You know? Like, I mean, was the age in your mind? Like, the age was in my mind.

It was still like... How old were you at the time? 37. 37. Yeah. I still felt like this is too removed for me. Like, I'm a Chicago gal. Like, this is this guy who I've known... I used to watch when I was...

10 years old at my grandma's house like on Sundays, watching America's Funniest Home Video. It was like, what? It was too weird. Right, but he was so unbelievably awesome and just chill and fun and quirky and neurotic and just all the things that you'd want him to be. And I was like, I can't not give it a chance. Like, he's too wonderful and he really is nice.

Like, he really likes me. He's really clearly like pursuing this if he's coming out to dinner with like a chaperone three times in a way. And finally by the last night, he was like, look, I was like, oh, are you coming out to dinner tonight with us? And it's my friend's birthday. And so want to come to my friend's birthday dinner. And he's like, you know. I'm going to ask this, Kelly.

Right. He's like, I like you. And I just don't feel like you're attracted to me or that you like me in that way. Okay. And so I'm just, you know, if it's okay, I think I'm just going to pass on dinner. Because, you know, I kind of like you in this way. It just doesn't seem like it's reciprocal. Yeah.

And then it just hit me. I was like, I do like him. And I go, well, what if I am attracted to you? What if I do like you in that way? He goes, what time's dinner? And then he came out again. Yeah. And then after that, it was just on, yeah.

And then I went back to Chicago and then we met up again a month later in Vegas for our first official date. Love that. Our first solo date. Okay. Without others. And then, yeah. And then he moved out here.

And then, yeah, 10 months later, moved out here. Got engaged. Nine months after that and then married a year after that. Wow. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, obviously we're going to talk about the less funny parts of the relationship and his sudden passing. And we've done a little bit of episodes about this with pet loss and parent loss,

but never partner loss and sudden partner loss. And you were so young, you're not supposed to lose a partner at that age. No one's supposed to lose a partner, but, you know, he wasn't elderly. And we asked our audience and people just had so many questions about grief. and how they wanted to be supported and how can I support other people and what's okay to say? What am I allowed to move on?

And what about when everybody else moves on? But I haven't moved on. And so I don't know where you want to start, but... Well, I like what you just said about, like, supposed to. And I'm supposed to move on. Or when everyone else says you're supposed to do this or not supposed to do this. And you really just learn that there are no rules.

Yeah. And there's no... You're not supposed to do anything. You know, I mean there's some basic societal, like, okay, maybe don't start dating somebody else a week later. You know, like there's some things that are kind of universal where most people who are at least in a true loving relationship that would not even be an option for them. For sure. But for the most part, you know, widows do get so much hate or grief for, let's say, moving forward. I don't even like to say moving on, moving forward.

Yeah. Yeah. And whereas, let's say, widowers don't. Right. It is kind of a double standard. Yeah. Unfortunately. And, you know, I didn't know any young widows before. I didn't, I was not in this world. It was not in my zeitgeist. I had nothing on my radar for it. So, like, I didn't know what was appropriate or what wasn't appropriate. All I knew about widows was, like, what my Sicilian grandmother would have been, like, wearing black. for 500 years and like little old ladies walking the streets of Sicily. Like that's what I pictured. You know, and especially when you're young and especially in today's world, it's just a totally different world. And to just know that however you are processing it and however you need to go about

your life to feel safe and to feel okay as best as you can. because you're not going to feel okay for a while, but however you can get there, whatever makes sense for you is fine. If you don't want to date ever again, that's fine. And some people have this, my spouse is dead and that's it for me.

I mean, I think of my best friend's mom, their dad died really young, and she never dated again, and she focused on her children, and she lives with them now. And, you know, my brother's wife, their dad died young. And again, the mom raised all the kids.

and I mean, 10, 20 years later, now she's engaged again to a widower as well. They were from the same hometown, and now it's just like a beautiful story. They found each other. And I mean, you also see people move on, move forward shortly thereafter. I mean, and there's no wrong or right. I'm curious about your just grief timeline or journey. I mean, again, this was, we don't need you to replay the aftermath. This was sudden a lot.

It was unexpected. And so how was that next year even, year or two? Yeah. So for me, the first year was awful. Yeah. It's such an absolute change of everything in your life. Like, everything's different. I mean.

And every meter life goes like from this to this. It's just turned upside down completely. And it's just so disorienting, especially, you know, well, in my situation where, you know, Bob was, he was such a caretaker. Like he handled so much stuff. And I mean, he called himself Batman. Like he's like, I, I handle my shit. I take care of everybody.

I am the guy. I'm like with the book stops here, you know. And he, like to have him gone and especially in such a way where I'm like, you know, he was this six foot four big, like larger than life guy. And that he just like falls and hits his head and then just never comes home again. Like it was so weird. and so strange that it just didn't compute. It like didn't make sense.

I mean, that was a big thing for me. I was saying like it doesn't compute. Like how could he, who like he called himself Batman? Like he was so strong. You're also dealing with that. I can't even explain. I didn't have time to like warn this while he was alive.

Or even explain. You understand it. Right. We just assumed it was like a heart attack or something for a while. And then we find out like he hit his head. What? And I want to rewind to something you said a minute ago is like you, when you think about like this identity of being a widow

now you do think of like grandmas and yeah you're like I'm not supposed to be in this camp of people yeah that this isn't supposed to be in my 30s or you're in your 40s so I was 42 when when he passed it's just it's a lot to negotiate with and to not have as much community around you it reminds me of like girlfriends we knew that got breast cancer really young they're just like this isn't this isn't supposed to be me yeah right yeah I remember like even that day that I found out people started trickling into my house and it ended up speaking a full house. It ended up being like pretty much just the whole full house cast was at my house. And I remember like looking at Candace because she was the first person who showed up and just saying to her, because I mean, I was in a daze. I didn't even know

what was going on and which end was up. But I remember saying to her, I was like, I don't have a husband anymore. So I'm like a widow. Like what? Like I don't like, but I'm young. Like I like he was just here. It just didn't make sense, you know? And it was just so strange. And it took a while to process the whole, like, wait, so all of his stuff, he's just not coming back to it anymore. Like, it was just weird. Yeah, getting back even to the timeline is you count things by, at first it's hours, literally. And then all of a sudden it's like days.

And you're like, I can't believe it's been three days. I can't believe it's been four days. And then it's, I can't believe it's been two weeks. I can't believe it's been three weeks. And then you get to like, I can't believe it's been a month. And then I was like, okay, maybe at three months I'll start to feel like a little better. And then at six months I'll feel a little better. And then I just heard another podcast where somebody is like, you never feel better.

I was like, well, looking back at the time, I was like, I didn't see how it was possible to feel better. Like a light at the end of the tunnel. Right. How could that exist? I was like, this is awful. Yeah. But then all of a sudden you look back and like three months in, you're like, oh, I'm doing a little better now than I was then. in six months and you're like, I'm better now than I was at three months.

And then, you know, you get to a place where you can look back and see how far you've come. And strangely, my best friend just lost her husband suddenly. And she's six months in now. And she will, you know, be in a place where she's like, this is awful. Like, does it ever get better? I'm like, do you know how far you've come in the last six months? Do you remember what that was like six months ago?

And like, it's so hard when you're in it to see the progress. Yeah. And to see the potential for the light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, I don't know how you could ever see the light. You know, you're just in it. Like I'm curious, like when this first happened, where people like, okay, go to therapy or, okay, start journaling. And were you like, I'm not ready to like do the healthy things.

I need to marinate in this. Like, do you remember, like what you felt like? I did. I will say I was kind of proud of the fact that I didn't start sinking into any. And once again, this is so, I am in such a. such a no judgment zone like if somebody does do that of course by all means yeah but i did not ever sink into like alcohol and drugs and you know i need to numb myself i was really like i want to feel everything like because i don't want to be the person who pushes it away and then years later like

then something happens where it like explodes in your face and you're like i should have dealt with that yeah so i like i was in it and i did not want to not be in it because me being in it made me feel closer to Bob. And me feeling closer to him made me feel better because I was sad to think of moving on to where I didn't feel connected to him. Even today, four and a half

years in. Like I enjoy getting sad and crying about it because it makes me feel connected to him. It's like spending time with him. Yeah. What helped you the most in the darkest times? Was it the people around you?

Friends, family. And you said, therapy. Like I never went to therapy because I had, and I know once again, most people are going to be like, come on, that's not a substitute for therapy. But I want my middle sister, Kristen, is a thousand times better than any therapist could be for me. Sure. Knows me better and really knew what to say and knew what to do and knew, like she slept in my bed with me for over a month right after. Like she was there every minute of every day. And, And if it was not for her, if it was not for Bob's daughters, if it was not for some of Bob's best

friends, I mean, I definitely would have not gotten through it. But I felt so supported and so held. And I think the ultimate thing and really the recipe for making sure that you can get through it is just to feel like you're around people who just get you and support you. That's the thing I say to anyone now who loses somebody instead of like, oh, you know, sending sending hugs and, you know, sending thoughts and prayer. Like I say, I just pray that you are surrounded by people who you feel that you're surrounded by all the love and support that you need right now.

I just said that to a friend. So a friend of mine in Atlanta lost her husband suddenly. And like their story is, it's, I don't need to tell it today. It's like they were each other's person. Like I could cry. I mean, just long road for them to finally kind of get married. And I'm not that close with her anymore. I wasn't that close.

We were friends in Atlanta, but I wasn't so close to her. And I just messaged her a couple times. And she was like, I don't want to live in a world where he's not here. And that's all I could say was I hope I know her mom. I know her sister. I do know her other friends, like in the same group. And that's all I could say was like, I just, I know you're being like loved and taken care of just from what I know of her friends and family. That's like the only thing I could think of because that is what gets you through.

Yeah. It's like the only thing. Like it almost like metaphorically like fills the wood. like the love, the support, you know, fills the holes. So when my best friend just lost her husband, I remembered how important it was for me in the immediate aftermath of losing Bob was like to have all of his friends over and our family, you know, anyone who was close to him. And by the way, I felt much more comforted being around people who loved Bob and who Bob loved,

even if I didn't know them very well, than my best friends of 13. 35 years. Okay. Just people that had the connection. You feel like you're spending time with him. Right. They needed to be connected to him. Yes. For me to feel comforted. Okay. Anyway, I just remember having like a home base, our house where everyone was gathering that first week was so unbelievably helpful. And so when my friend's husband just passed, I remember like she lives in a small one bedroom apartment. She had nowhere for like people to go. And so I like gave my house. I was like here. like this is your home base. Yeah.

Because I knew how important it was for her to be able to have all those people surrounding her. And so, you know, little things like that can be really helpful to people. It's like make sure they have, if you're really close with them. I mean, obviously if it's, you know, stranger. But don't give a stranger your house. Yeah. I'm curious about at the moment. I think this is the overwhelming response from people was like, what about the moment

when people sort of stop checking in? You know, everybody storms you, surrounds you for, I don't know how long it was for you, hopefully a long time. But a month or two goes by and people stop asking. And you're like, I'm still riding these waves. I'm still experiencing it. Yeah. And like what was like that piece like?

That's a really good question because that's something that people have a big problem with. You know, so many people have reached out to me online saying, you know, like maybe they didn't have a big family. You know, their husband wasn't beloved by the entire country, you know, where they're not getting a million people DMing them every day. And maybe they didn't, you know, they had a small circle. And so many people have said, it's sad, like the well wishes have stopped and people stopped checking in. And I didn't have that as much because I had such a tight circle. And if I didn't feel like people were checking in, it almost didn't matter because I had my sisters and who I would just harass like all day. Like if I was feeling sad, it's like they were going to have to deal with me.

You know, right. Yeah. I'm glad you had that. So I didn't feel it as much. And plus, I was constantly having people still. send me messages about how much they love Bob. So that was always very comforting. But it is truly a thing. And that, unfortunately, is also kind of part of it is that for most people who it didn't affect their daily life, like life does go on and people move on. And that's why as long as you still have

like a tight-knit community of people who are always thinking about your person, it's so helpful. And, you know, mention the person. Even if it's a year. later, like don't feel bad bringing up their name and saying like, hey, I was thinking about so-and-so today, your husband. I was thinking about him today and, you know, I'm just checking into seeing, you know, see how you're doing. And that goes so far because it's not necessarily that people feel like they forgot about you.

They don't want you to forget about their person. Uh-huh. You know, they want to feel like their person's not forgotten that the person lives on. Yeah. And so they feel so sad if people, if they feel like people forgot about him. Yeah. I understand and validate the anger that you must feel when people are like, everybody else's life has gone on. Yeah. People get to, you know, walk their dogs and enjoy their day and go on dates and I don't get to do that with my partner and everyone else's life has sort moved on. And that's probably really hard to reconcile. Yeah, and you see things online and, you know,

someone got married or someone got engaged and everyone's happy with their husband. And I'm like, I don't have a husband and there is a little jealousy that can creep in sometimes. And then I got to this really weird place, maybe like six months in where I'm like, no, I still have my husband. The love didn't go anywhere. He still loves me. Like the love is still there. So he's kind of like my ghost husband.

And so like I went through maybe a one or two month period where I was like, no, I still have him. You know, like I would talk to him. Yeah. And, you know, feel like he was still. supporting me and loving me and then it got to a point was like okay it's enough with a ghost husband I don't want to sound too creepy for too long you know at some point that's uh you know whatever gets you through the day people talk to that their loved ones yeah lost like for sure I want to say I mean we talk about just in life the importance of building friendships in the community around you

not everybody has a sister or even a sibling or not everyone has great relationships with their with their family and I feel for anyone who doesn't but you can always build those friendships and your chosen family and you know don't build the community just in case you lose your spouse but like then for when you go through any hard times that is why we have these people you know like rain is not my sister but like if something like this happened i would never have her sleep in the bed but she would do it and she would do it for a year like i have the people and in addition to my family that would be there as long as i needed yeah them and whatever capacity and so we will all go through these hard times and i hope nobody listening ever loses their partner but if you are living a life where your partner is is

your every your one and only person in your life it's going to be a lot harder if something were to happen because the community's not there like it's like that's what got you through you know what I bet is going to happen now because as I said I didn't really know any widows especially young widows until I became one and then you know how it's like oh I had and thought about a red car today. I thought about a red car. Now you see a million red cars. When I became a widow, now all of a sudden,

they're coming out of the woodwork. They're everywhere. And I know so many. And I've become such good friends with so many. And now I hear all these stories from people. And I bet you got some questions from people. But now once we put this out there, you're going to have so many people be like, actually.

And it might not even be a widow. It's like, I lost my high school sweetheart when we were in high school. He was 18 and killed in a car accident. You know, like, that happens too. And where people still have to go through the loss of their partner. And it's so much more common than we think. And so much more common than I knew until that happened to me. I know.

I mean, we have a friend and her best friend. Her husband died when we were in Greece, 2022. Yeah, 22. And we were all there together. We were all getting ready to fly out. And she got the call that he had passed. Like her best friend, the love of her life. in her husband past she flew to Singapore.

And I just never shook that. Like we didn't know her personally, the friend, but just knowing about their relationship and, you know, our friend that was like, there was always the four of them and they couldn't believe it either. That was like they lost their best friend too. And I just saw her in Singapore on my honeymoon a couple months ago with her new partner.

And it took her a long time to obviously get there. We're talking like four years and went to drinks with her and the new person she's dating. He was so wonderful. And like I remembered like we were, well, that's 2022. That's my timeline. Yeah. We were there.

the moment we heard your husband died, you know, and she's gotten through it and has found on the other side. Yeah. I want to ask you, because, you know, people are, people asked us a lot, like, what's helpful? What's not helpful? And you said you kept a journal and you've a grief journal and you've very kindly brought it out. Let's preface with I am not a good journal person. And my grief journal has like three pages written in it. So the story here is I apparently wrote in this a few weeks after Bob passed and I had zero recollection of this. And the other day I was cleaning out a drawer and I saw this and I was like, oh, because it says it's called the grief journal. And I was like, oh, I should write in. And then I go through. I was like, oh, I wrote in this. I did not remember I

wrote in it. And now I'm so grateful. And once again, there's like six pages written in it. But I'm so grateful even for every little letter that I put in here because it is really helpful. And so I did have a page that I did a solo episode of my podcast today about this. I don't normally carry this around to my purse. That would be insane. I got you brought it for us. Guys, here's my grief journal from four and a half years ago. So, okay, February 5th, 2022.

Okay. Not to say. Not to say. I'm so sorry. I mean, that's pretty innocuous. Okay. Apparently that was bugging me at the time. Right.

Yeah, these are things that were kind of triggering. Did it just feel like those words just. weren't big enough to, to, like, qualify what you were going through. A big thing for me was I hated feeling pity. Okay. I didn't like feeling pitied. And some people want that. Some people want all the pity.

It's like the same, you know, if you are going to the hospital and you post Facebook that you're at the hospital, like that type of thing. Yeah, the sympathy trap. Yeah. Right. But for some reason, I never realized that I would be so adverse and so triggered by feeling pitied. Oh, interesting.

Okay. So my next one is my heart breaks for you. Okay. I hated that. Okay. Because it felt like, oh, you poor thing. My heart breaks for you. Like, it just felt very pitied.

And I, like, I don't want people to be, I kind of wanted people to be sad with me, but not for me. Sure. If that made sense. Okay. How are you? Never asked them. So here's the thing. Here's why how are you?

Here's why that was triggering. because I felt that when people said, how are you, it gave me homework. And my brain was not capable of homework. It felt like I was like, how are you over text? Let me say that. Over the phone, fine. But over text? Because I felt like now I have to write an essay.

I'm with you. I've tried it to do that. Like how in the throes of someone dealing with something. Right. So I promise there's takeaways from this. So it's not like, don't ever ask anyone how are. you, bye. And then like, when you're in it and you're like, I feel so much rage and pain, whatever you feel,

like nothing's wrong. It's like I don't, this is not helping me right now. I think it's because when you're in early grief, you have so much administrative work to do as well. Like I fortunately didn't have to take care of any funeral stuff that was handled for me. Thank God, because I would not have been able. But, you know, there's so much crap you have to do. And then when somebody texts you, how are you? I can't just ignore it.

I don't want to not get back to them. So I'm like, well, I have to come up with something. I don't want to just be like fine or not good. So I was trying to give thoughtful responses to each person because I'm a people pleaser. Sure. And I felt like it was homework to get that question in a text. Sometimes it's just when I'm really just drained.

It's sending the first test is exhausting to me because I'm like, this will be at another text and more conversation. And it's well intentioned, but still. Also, like, I don't know. I don't know the answer. Right. I don't know. I don't know.

Like, I think it's better to be like, I'm thinking about you. I'm here if you need to talk. Right. So, and then thinking of you. Oh, no. Oh, and sending love and hugs. Which is funny, because I say these things to people now all the time. I know, we all say these things.

I think people are like, oh, should I just said that? No. And you can't be blamed for saying something nice to somebody who's, like, because you don't know how you're going to take it and you don't know how that person's taking it. There are so many of these that. that I've had people say to me like, oh, I liked when people asked me that. I liked when people said, how are you? Because people stopped asking. So I like when people say that. Okay. Yeah, exactly. This is very person specific thing. However, you know, I have had other people be like, oh, I know. I hated that.

But so do say, okay, want to talk. Like, hey, do you want to talk? Like, versus just saying, how are you? Or what did you do today? To me, that was so much more helpful. Or like, when can I come see you? Or was today better, was today worse? Like asking something specific was so helpful to me. You know, what did you do today? How was your day today? Okay. Because then I'm like, oh, I went to the dry cleaners and then I tried to go on a walk,

you know, versus how are you feeling or how are you? It just felt like, right, like I had to come up with an essay on my emotions. And every day was different. I was like, I'm too tired to go, you know. But if it's like, oh, what did you do today? and then it shows that they're thinking of you and they're asking you something specific. I like that.

So to me, that was really helpful. So this is what I wrote four and a half years ago. I'm glad that you have it. And who knows when you're just in the throes of pain and grief and every day is a different feeling. Who knows what's going to make you feel better. And once again, I'm guilty of doing all these things before and since going through it myself.

So I never want anyone to feel bad for doing it. But just it's more about understanding maybe why some of these things might be. Totally. And the pity thing makes sense. I mean, you've explained why they've triggered you in some way. And I think this stuff weighs on me so heavily.

Like even just talking to my friend last week, like the words, every word. I'm like, I don't want to say the wrong thing. And I always go back and forth with, I can't imagine what you're going through. Because I can't understand. I can't understand losing your partner. I can't. Somebody saying like I can't imagine you're going through. They mean to validate.

Like, I know this is bigger than something I felt. Do you know Rabbi Steve leader? Do you guys know him? He's a big, like, Meteor rabbi, but he's wonderful. He was Bob, he was the rabbi at Bob's funeral. But he is just a genius. He's written a lot of books about grief. Okay.

And he said, a tiny little thoughtful tweak to that is to say, I can only imagine what you're going through instead of I can't imagine. Because, like, you can't imagine it. But like, I can only imagine. I can only imagine. Yeah. I like that. Because, like, if she said to me, my friend said, I don't want to live in a world without him, like, I could say, I understand. but what I mean is I understand how you feel that way because I can't imagine my life without my husband.

Like, no, I don't understand what's like to. These things literally I will, yeah, before I send a text. But what's worse than sending that wrong text, wrong text is not sending a text. And another thing that's really helpful that I experienced and I know is happening because I'm experiencing with my best friend now is after losing Bob, especially in like the first several months, six months, you know, when I would have just bouts of, hysterical crying like every single night nights were worse for me usually it's mornings are worse for a lot of people oh really but the nights were way worse for me like when I'd get in bed at night that's when I would just uncontrollably sob and thankfully my sister was there a lot of the time

but it got to the point when my sister wasn't living with me anymore and I would call her because I was like I just want somebody to hear me cry and she would try to like fix it at first and she'd be like well you know maybe you should think about this or you know think about like yeah but let's think about it this way and I was like no no I don't want you to say anything I don't want you to do any like you can't fix it just listen to me cry and like my other sister she didn't really get that it took a while for her to to get that and I was like I know your instinct is to try to give advice or be helpful I was like but there is nothing they can help I just want somebody to listen to crying like not even listen to me talk just listen to me cry

Were there people that were like, but at least you're young, but at least you have money or you have community. I don't know much money. Yeah. Was there people that were like, you know, I think the absolute wrong thing. Yeah, I think people are sort of wanton to compare grief. Like, but at least, you know, you're so young you could find someone else. But that's not everybody's story. Like did you, did people want to kind of comfort you with those things? And you were like, this isn't that helpful right now.

I think, like, I also wasn't as sensitive. It's so funny, I was so sensitive to the most innocuous things. Like, how are you? But when somebody would say like, everything happens for a reason, or most people hate that stuff. That's going to chill down my spine. Right. That did not bother you. That didn't bother you.

Certain things like that didn't bother me as much. Or like, you'll find somebody else when I was like, well, I hope so one day. You know, like I wasn't like, don't even talk about that right now. Or some people, you can't even mention it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But real quick, back to the crying thing, just because I think this might be really helpful to some people.

is so now with my best friend who's going through it, she knows that if she comes over to my house or if she calls me and she just wants to cry, like I'm not, I'm not weird about it. I'm not like, oh, let me, let me soothe you or let me like say something helpful. I'm just like, yeah, sucks. Yeah, this sucks.

Cry, cry. Keep crying. Just cry. And she'll call me sometimes. She's like, I just need to cry. I'm like, okay. And one question we had for you, which we wanted to ask is,

is there any time when outreach is unwanted? because you're like doing good and you didn't really want to think about it. Like we were curious about this. Like, because checking in, it's like we were talking about our friend who's going through something right now and we were like, we don't want to bring it up if she's having a good day. Right. Right. And that is so perfect that you brought that up.

And it's so true because I never really had, I mean, for months and months, I never had a good day, but I would have good hours. Right. And there would be sometimes. And but see, God, like, they meant well. Of course. Everyone means so well. And that's why no one should ever feel bad if they, ooh, I said the wrong thing.

I upset them in some way because anyone grieving is just a raw exposed nerve. Yep. And they're so sensitive that you can't be expected. Like, okay, today I drank a sip of water in front of her and it freaks her out. Like you can't be expected to know everything that's going to trigger that person each day because they don't even know. Yeah. Right. There's no holes. And as you were saying, there were some times that I was having like a good hour and I'm focused on something else. Maybe I'm distracted and I'm not thinking about, you know, the first, let's say, several months. There wasn't an hour really that went by. But maybe I'm having a good 10 minutes. I'm having 10 minutes where I'm not crying and thinking about Bob in that moment or like I'm distracted doing something and cleaning my closet, whatever it is. And then somebody texts me and goes, oh, I just, I'm just so sad. for you and are you feeling whatever it is but it was something that would kind of bring me down

and then make me and I'm like oh like I would like I just I had 10 minutes when I was doing well but it's like they can't be blamed for their well intention too you know maybe there's a language tweak there I don't know just like thinking about you here if you want to talk it still reminds you of it but I think it at some point and once again like let's not give the grieving person work but maybe something I could have done if I'm like, hey, I'm having a good moment right now. I'm going to put my phone on Do Not Disturb. So that way I'm not seeing those messages in that point, you know, or during that time. Or, you know, it's like it's okay, as I said, the people pleaser and me wanted to get back to

everyone right away and needed to respond to everybody all the time. But you don't have to. Okay. Totally. You don't have to. And another thing that's really helpful that I've learned from people and now I do, is I'll send somebody a message and I'll say don't respond to this. Like it's the first thing.

I say that all the time. I don't need to respond. I don't want people to feel like I've given them homework. Right. You know, just know them around. Don't. Do not respond to this. I love you.

I'm thinking of you. Whatever the message is and like please don't respond to this. And then it just takes the pressure off them. They're like and then a lot of times they do anyway and they want to. That's appreciative. Okay. I want to ask you about the timeline because I think that like grief is not linear. You know, it's not like I should be here at this point.

And I think a lot of people echo the sentiment that like there's not like a day where the grief ends. It just sort of change the shape. But in terms of moving on, was there pressure that was like people were like, Kelly, it's been three months. It's been six months. It's time to hit these milestones of feeling better. Or was that not your experience? Like, what was the experience that's the pressure to move on? I had, I think I was doing pretty well in terms of like I had to move out of our house after three months.

And so that was a big undertaking. And it was really, really hard. but I got through it and I did it and I was like really proud of myself that I did it. You know, so a lot of things like that, that were certain milestones that I was hitting. But I kind of put on myself that I said, okay, in terms of dating or moving forward, I'm like, I'm not even going to think about that for one year. Like that's societally, that's kind of a cultural, I don't want to say what's like appropriate or not appropriate, but in a sense, anything. before a year might be seen as a little too soon.

And then after a year, it's a little bit more acceptable. Okay. And I know that, as I said, there are no rules. And of course, don't feel bad. If you meet somebody in month 11, you know, some people might be judgmental, but know that like you're not doing anything wrong. But I knew that I wouldn't think about that for a year. And then I remember it was on the one year anniversary of Bob passing on January 9th,

the 23. and I had, I'm sorry if this is named dropy, but at my house, I had Jeff Ross and John Mayer over and Bob's nephew, Adam. And the three of them, it's me on one side of the couch and the three of them sitting on the other couch. And then Jeff Ross goes, Kel, elephant in the room, we got to talk about it, when are you going to start dating again? And I was like, Jeff, like, I mean, not really ready just yet. Yeah. And John's like, you know, whenever you're ready, he's like, but, you know, it's okay. If you want to get back out there, like, it's okay. And Adam, of course, is probably like thinking of how Bob would think. Like, if she ever moves on, how could she? How dare she? And I was like, well, I don't want to talk about this in front of Adam almost. I feel like weird. But and then Jeff goes, all right, fine. But if we get to the two year mark and you're not, then something's wrong. And like, we're going to have to talk again. I was like, okay. Okay. This is like the John Malaney intervention story.

It's just more famous people keep coming out. Yeah, exactly. So then Tom Hanks walks in. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, I was like, okay. But it was good to know that here or two of his best friends, I had their blessing. Okay. Right.

And then two months after that, so now 14 months later or so, you know, I started to feel a little lonely. And then you start to feel, you know, after over a year of like not having a hug or a kiss or feeling lonely. I'm like, oh, I don't want to feel like this frumpy old widow. Like I, you know, you start to feel like not like young and hot anymore. And I'm like, I want to feel alive again. Yeah. Desired all the things. Yeah. Yeah. You start to feel. I'm like, oh my God. Like no one's looked at me because then, because you're off limits. No one's certainly going to, I mean, not that I was even putting that energy out there. But you start to feel kind of invisible. Yeah. And you start to feel.

feel like no, like not only are, is no one looking at you in that way, but you're also like off limits because, well, you're the widow. Right. Certainly nobody wants to be the one who is going to make a move and then have it be, you're not ready. Right. Yeah. You know, but I was starting to feel like a little lonely and a little sad and a little like, well, it might be nice to get a coffee with somebody. Like, I'm not ready to date date yet, but maybe hike or coffee. And I sat down with Bob's daughters and I said just that. Like I'm starting to yeah feel a little lonely and they're like Kelly like we want you to be happy and I said you know I just want I said you're like well you don't need our permission I go I know I don't need your permission but I want your blessing yeah yeah you know and

they're like of course we're like our dad would want you to be happy I was like no he would you're like if you know him at all I was like no you would not and then that's when I had to start distinguishing I've said this a million times but between like earthly Bob and heavenly Bob, like earthly Bob, be like, I knew you never loved me. How could you? How dare you? You know, but then Heavenly Bob would be like, I want you to be happy. I understand the guilt though. It's like you're still a person with needs and desires and wants to be seen. And wanting that permission from his daughters. I mean, I really validate like wanting that. Of course, they want you to be happy. But like, there's probably a lot of guilt that comes with it. So much guilt. So complicated.

Still to this day. And then 18 months after. is when I met Brecken. And Brecken and I, it's been three years now we've been together. He was the first person I dated. Okay. Oh my goodness. That's surprising because you think there might need to be a rebound. I went on like two simu dates, you know, like two kind of basic, kind of a cocktail

for about 45 minutes. Yeah, yeah. And they were fine. They were nice. It was nice to feel like to get dressed up and to go out. And they were lovely experiences. Thank God that it wasn't something like turned me off to dating forever. but there was no, you know, no follow-up.

Okay. But then I met Bracken, and like from our first date, I mean, we didn't say this to each other because we, you know, weren't insane, but we were like, this is kind of it. I was like, I don't want to go out with anyone else. And he was thinking the same thing, even though it took us a while to process that. And we really paced it and we took it very, very slow. I was actually just listening to a dating episode. You guys did a couple episodes back.

And the expert you had on was saying how it's so important. to pace things. Right. And that is something that I was... Yeah. We really did that really well. And there was no love bombing and it was just very, very well-paced, which he knew I needed. And, you know, I...

I know how lucky I got that, like, first one right out of the gate, you know, three years down the road. But I still feel that guilt. I'll say things to him like, I'm so happy. I love you so much. you make me so, like, you know, you say things in, you know, superlatives, like, it's the happiest I've ever been. And then I'm like, oh, I've, I, I, I've, I've not experienced this personally, but I can, like, feel what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. And then how was he? Like,

do you guys talk about Bob? Like, what did it? Nonstop. All the time. He is so cool with it. Well, that was the reason why I think it's worked out is, like, he kind of knew he was getting into. He was the right one person for it. Clearly, I was talking about Bob publicly all the time. Well, that must be hard to feel like I'm. I'm. competing against this thing. Yeah. You know, she doesn't want to be in this position. Right.

And he was just so confident and secure about it. He loves talking about Bob. He's always asked, he'll be like, oh, so when you used to come here with Bob, like, what was his favorite dish to order? You know, like he was always asking about him, and he just never made it weird. And I mean, because he and Bob had a respect for each other, they, they weren't good friends, but they really liked each other. Okay.

They knew each other. Yeah. So we met through Seth. Green, who was one of Bob's best friends, but Seth and Brecken were best friends since they were 17. Okay. And those were such a part of our childhood. Right?

Breckin, I mean, I swear to God that me with like the 90s people, I did not intend for any of this. It just randomly happened. But Brecken was just so cool about it. And it's not like he has expertise in dating widows. Like I was his first. Right. Yeah.

And he was just from day one so fantastic about it. never made me feel weird about talking about Bob. Like he's now gotten really close with Bob's daughters. He's friendly with Bob's ex-wife. Like, because Bob's ex-wife is one of, you know, she and I are so close. And so he'll come to family events and she's there and she'll always be like,

where's Brecken? You know, it's, it is very special. And I know that it's maybe a little unique because not everyone has such a easy time. Even with the late husband's family or, you know, if there's step family involved, especially. But yeah, I've been very, very blessed to have such a nice transition into that world because not everyone does. And I think one thing that's so important, though, to look for is someone

who just lets you still have, you know, your late spouse be a part of the conversation. And if they make you feel weird about it, like that's a major red flag. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm just, I'm curious how somebody would want to be supported. It sounds like he struck a balance between like just validating it. And like I can understand that people would be intimidated by a deceased spouse that was like a larger than life person. This is who she was going to be with. And, you know, and this thing happened. How do I compare to this? How do I fit into this narrative? And it sounds like he just struck the right balance. Yeah. And I think the important thing also is to know that both loves can coexist indefinitely forever because they're not going anywhere. But

one doesn't take away the other, you know, so like my love for Brecken doesn't negate my love for Bob. They just exist at the same time and in the same space. And like my love for Bob's never diminished. But like that's what people think sometimes is that, well, if you have the new one, then it kind of diminishes this one. And it's like, no, they can both coexist forever. And as long as you have somebody that kind of gives you that space, that's what's really important. So I think that's a beautiful way to end it. Kelly, thank you so much.

This was so wonderful. I'm so glad you came here and opened up to us, brush your journal. I know. This happened to just be in my purse. But thank you so much. I'm so happy that we randomly met like a week ago. What a treat. And then that you guys had me on such a absolute honor and pleasure. Well, I think this will help a lot of people. I'm so grateful for you. So thank you. And thanks for letting me talk about this topic that people think is not very fun. and it's hard, but if you're just open and real about it, it can make it a little easier. And then when you're open about it, you also find your community. I mean, I think of, like, Heather McMahon who has lost her father and she just is always

making jokes about the dead dad club, you know, and people are like, me too. And like talking about it in that type of way, I feel like that's a door to, yeah, yeah. You know, and so it's like I kind of learned from him. It's like he made light of it and it's okay to. do that to, you know, you do what you got to do to get through. Well, tell everybody where they can find you, listen to your podcast, your Instagram, whatever you want to plug. So the podcast is comfort food, the, you know, comfort food with Kelly Rizzo and just Instagram at Kelly Rizzo. Very easy. Okay. Great. Super easy. Well, thank you for everything. And I'm sure this is really going to help a lot of people.

Thank you for your candor. And you guys can find us, Girls Got to Eat.com. Girls Got a podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. Raina is Raina.com for her tour tickets. And you can watch full video on YouTube or Spotify, subscribe, share this episode with a friend. And we will see you guys Thursday. Have a good week, guys. Bye.