Girls Gotta Eat - Managing Depression + Reparenting Yourself with Jade Iovine

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

We sat down with our new friend (and fellow podcaster) Jade Iovine for a raw and vulnerable conversation about mental health. Jade opens up about her depression and anxiety, coming out of her rock bottom, her journey with (and feelings surrounding) medication, and being in a relationship when you have mental illness and your partner doesn't. We also discuss the damaging effects of social media and how to stop letting comparison steal your joy, and Jade introduces us to the concept of reparenting and shares how it's been changing her life. Before she joins us, we're circling back to the foreplay discussion and answering the questions "Can you change a bad kisser?" and "What qualifies as eating ass?" Enjoy! Follow Jade on Instagram @jadeiovine and check out her podcast Tell Me About It with Jade Iovine. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Shed the Silence: Join the conversation at shedthesilence.com/gge. Babbel: Go to babbel.com/gge for up to 60% off your subscription. HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/gge65 and use code GGE65 for 65% off plus free shipping. Calm: For a limited time, get 40% off a premium subscription at calm.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I mean, it just sounds like you found your person and we're like, we're going to do whatever it takes to make this work. Oh, you weren't traumatized as a child. Let me just catch you up real quick. I'll traumatize you real quick. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta E. Welcome back. And welcome to our YouTube viewers if you're watching. Yes, if you're watching, if you're listening, welcome. We're so happy to have you. And to everybody who signed up for the YouTube last week and subscribe, thank you so much. We loved all your stories. So many people tagged us with their dogs at home, which I love. Oh my gosh. I know. People were like, I'm just watching for Azul. And I was like, whatever it takes. More Azul's friend. Asul, can you come up here?

We're trying to get listeners. I know. Come on. If people are here just for you, we don't want to disappoint them. Azul, come on. Come here, cutie. Herey. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're being so cute. I know. I'm just such a little sweetie. So yeah, thank you for subscribing. Keep subscribing. It's YouTube. I'm a podcast on YouTube. And we'll have lots of stuff up there for you guys. subscribe, subscribe, so then it's easy to find because I could. Listen, I didn't subscribe until last week. I'm not subscribed.

You have to do. I don't. Well, my YouTube on my phone is our account. I'm in there using it. Yes, you are the account. Were the account owner? Well, I'm not. So I was like, couldn't find it.

So just guys, please subscribe. Just get in there and subscribe. And then it's going to pull right up. You can watch it on your TV, watch it with your pets, get pour a little glass of wine, take an edible, whatever you guys are getting fucked up. You can make your hello fresh and have your dinner. Yeah. Watch it.

Okay. Big day today. Well, you named it. So do you want to announce what we're doing today? Yes. Today we are announcing our snack city tour. Snack City bitch. Snack Snack Snack Snack City.

We really wanted to do the snack city tour back in 2020. We had this song. We had a whole thing. And then the world. We had merch. We made a music video. And now we can't use it because it's our old faces. We made a music video.

So we're bringing it back. We're so excited. Today we are just teasing it. It goes on sale next week. This is the 24th whenever you're listening. Yes. So we will tell you every city. Everything goes on sale October 24th at 10 a.m.

Local time. So you'll be able to buy tickets then. We broke this up into two. So if you don't hear your city right now, We are going to plan some stuff for the fall, of course, as well. So we'll tell you what those are. But I am over the moon, overjoyed. I miss touring so much.

I miss being on stage with you so much. I just, I can't wait to just hear our girls laugh. I know. So without further ado, all of the dates and cities that you can expect right now on the Snack City tour in the first part of 2023. Oh, my God. Okay. February 3rd, Salt Lake City.

Last time we were in Salt Lake City, I don't remember. I was delirious. It was so fun. Remember I drank that drink off that person's table pre-COVID? We can't wait to get back there. February 4th, Denver. We fucking love Denver. February 16th, Phoenix.

We are obsessed with Phoenix. March 3rd. Tampa, bitch. Do you think the security guards at this venue will be as hot as the last one? We've been doing Tampa improv for years. March 3rd, Rayna has one night, one night only to fuck a security guard in Tampa. March 4. We're heading to Orlando.

Oh my gosh. Those shows last time. They were so wild. All the Disney shows. And then I found photos since then of myself at Disney. So we're going to fire more of them out. Okay. March 5th, Miami.

I mean, our second home. And we're doing this really cool venue that's at the Fountain Blue. So that's going to be sick. March 18th, Sacramento for the very first time. Yeah. So excited. I cannot wait. It's our first show there.

We have a huge audience there. We can't wait. I'm just tell. I'm going to just keep. I'm going to tell stories in all these. We picked two to talk about. So I was on a date with a guy from Miami, a stuffed animal guy, and I was visiting him in Miami, and he told me that the best pizza was in Sacramento.

And I was like, what? I'm a New Yorker. He's ever had? Listen, no shade to Sacramento, but we got in a fight and I had to go up and, like, cool off in the bathroom. Is that why you left? And he had taken me to this vegan restaurant because it was a comp. I remember he was comp.

This is how our friendship got built because we were like, text. throughout this. I was like, wow, she's just, she's going to leave this date. This is crazy. Okay. So anyway, I'm going to try the pizza in Sacramento. Can't wait to try this amazing pizza. And March 31st, Milwaukee for the first time. So excited. I can't wait. Yes. I'm sure I'm going to love Wisconsin. We are coming to Minneapolis the next night, April 1st. You know, Minneapolis stand, mayor of Minneapolis honorary. And on the 15th for the first time, again, oh, I got all the first timers. April 15th, New Haven, Connecticut. Yeah. So we can't wait to see all you Yalys.

Maybe I'll find a boyfriend of Yale. Maybe a little grad student. The Rain is going to read all of our. Yeah. When we're returning to a lot of these days, but we are so excited. So May 6th, we will see you at the Chicago Theater. Chicago, best night of my life.

I can't wait. May 12th, we'll be in Philly. Yes, go birds. We can't wait to be back there. May 13th, Washington, D.C. We will see you there. May 12th, Boston, the Wang Theater. a wang. Perfectly named for us. Take your wang out. Yeah, bring a wang.

Bring a single wang. What would you say, like, sang out with your wang out? Like, what would you, like, rang out? And you were like, hang out with your wang out. All right. So, guys, just come sing out with your wang out. Okay. And then the last few, we are taking our talents to Ohio for June. So three nights in a row, Cleveland, we will see you on June 9th. Six-nine. We will see you, Columbus on June 10th. And since, We are ending our run last show on June 11th and then taking some time off for the summer. And we promise we did not forget about you, Texas, other places in California, Atlanta, Nashville, we will see you in the fall. Yes.

We know that we had postponed those. We tried to get them in this and just like it wasn't working out because it is such a priority of hours. Obviously Atlanta, Nashville, Charlotte. We love those cities so much. They're so near and dear to our hearts. So we promise that we will make it there in 2023. but I am doing a show in Atlanta. If you are interested on November 13th,

I'm so excited about this stand-up show. It's for the Red Clay Comedy Festival, and you can get tickets to that at Ash Hess.com. So I'll be in Atlanta, and it's going to be really fun, and then we'll see you, you know, we'll see you next year in Atlanta for Girls' Got to Eat. So we just want to let you guys know that we did try, and this is like the best that we could do,

and we will be announcing it. Yeah, if you've never been a girls' got to eat show, it is the wildest night. It's so much fun. We have dancers. We have strippers. We don't want to give everything away. But we can't wait to be there.

it will be really fun. Have your birthday parties there. Come solo. Have a bachelor party there. Bring your man. We love couples. Families. Bring your mom.

Bring your dad. Bring your grandparents. Yeah. Bring your ex. We love your ex. A lot of people brought their ex. I thought Detroit, everybody brought their ex.

Detroit was the hottest gay men in the country. It's so under the radar. Oh, we love Detroit. Ashley suggested. Speaking of a birthday trip there. Last year we did Greece. And this year we're going to Detroit trash this first day. I really.

I really want to see Ed Shearren in concert. I don't know if people know. I love Ed Shearin so much. I never really talk about this. Like everybody loves Ed Shearin. It's not like a specific thing. Yeah, but I was like, that's somebody I want to see on tour in 2023. So I was looking at dates.

I've been wanting to just do a little weekend trip to Detroit. I literally, we already pitched all of our friends. Santrape is that. I thought where were we going to go. But psych guys, we're going to Detroit. Can you imagine, guys. So I've been thinking, I just feel like Santrape. It's like, we don't need.

You know, here's how you sell it. Guys, I just, I think everybody could save a little money. And we'll go to Detroit instead of France to see it at Sharon. See it at Sharon. We're like, what? I mean, I feel like some of our friends really like that. Yeah. So that is where we'll be.

We are really excited. You can get everything in Girls' GottiPoddypodcast.com. And that's about it. Everything is on our site. We have tons of great merch. Every episode we've ever done and the live shows everything is there. Today we have Jade Iovine. We're so excited about this.

talk with her. It's a little heavier. Yeah, it's a mental health episode and we are so excited to do that. And, you know, we have so many therapists on do all these mental health episodes. And it's just nice to hear from somebody who's been on the other side of it. And that's really important to us to feature real stories from real people. And I was moved by so many of the things she said. And I think that you guys will hopefully relate to it and be moved by it. She was really, really wonderful and open. Yeah. She is so great. And I wanted to just bring this up because we mentioned it in her episode. And we haven't really said it here. I've said it randomly on like another podcast. But that Rain and I are moving temporarily to L.A. in January. On January 3rd, we are committed to being there for three months. And that's the plan.

Yeah. Every time I tell somebody I have to backtrack a little bit. I'm like, we're not living together. Everybody assumes that we're going to live together. But we are not. We have separate homes. I'm just, I'm really excited. I've never lived in New York for 15 years. I haven't really lived anywhere else in my adult life. I've never really wanted to. But I feel that the sun and the sand is called. calling me. So, I'm sure you guys could have seen this coming. I mean, duh. We do is talk shit on New York. We love New York so much. And it's going to make me love New York even more to leave a little bit, you know? Yeah.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yeah, we love it there. We love recording with people there. I love doing comedy there. And we have friends. And it's just to get out of New York in the winter also. So we're going to try this out, see how we feel. I am actually moving out of my apartment.

I'm going to put some stuff in storage. Raina is keeping her apartment. So I don't foresee a permanent move, but you know, you never know what could happen. Yeah, I think that at this point, I mean, five years later, we have such a good relationship, like working relationship. And so I was said to you privately, it would have scared me had you made this decision three years ago or something to, like, go to L.A. But I just, it doesn't, if you decide to stay in L.A., we'll figure it out, we'll make it work. I just don't think that's going to happen.

But I feel really, like, excited and confident about it. We have so many fun guests already booked for L.A. that we're working on and so many people that we'll record with. and I just can't wait. You know, I think that any new city can feel really lonely, and I've never wanted to move to a new one because they didn't really have a big group of friends in another city, but you have such a big group of friends in L.A. They're more your friends.

But they've all become my friends, and I'm just excited to go there. I feel really happy when we're there. I know. I'm really excited. So anyway, that's our update on our lives. Yeah. So a little just update from last week.

Thank you, guys. We really loved that four play episode. And I hope that you bought the laundry and the beard oil. Oh my God. A bunch of people DM me to ask me what the scent was. It's speakeasy. So that's the scent of a beard oil.

You need to be on commission with them. You need to get an affiliate link for that right now. Victoria's Secret too. That bondage teddy. So many girls were like, I bought it. I've been thinking about it. And then we just wanted to like sort of add a little bit into the foreplay discussion that you had brought up. Well, first of all, I will say, and I got DMs about this, I got multiple

DMs about this. you know what, let me read you one. I think it's the funniest episode we've ever done. It's the hardest I've laughed. Listening back. The boxer conversation. You said I brought, in my YSL, it's the hardest I've laughed during an episode. You making fun of me for this beard oil.

It was, listen, I'm going on record. It's my, it's the funny, I think it's the funniest episode to me. In my personal opinion, last week's episode, which you could watch it on YouTube, you can see for yourself, is the funniest episode we've ever done. We're just out of trying to make each other laugh. That's this whole show. So this girl said, she DMed. I went to the girls got to eat DMs last night.

So if you got a response for me at one in the morning. Well, if you got any response after 9 p.m. It was out of good time. Okay, she says, listening to this week's episode and was finishing up in the car outside the gym and I was laughing so hard with the stories at the end that I bent forward and honk the horn of my car with my forehead. Okay, so she's my height. All I need to do is you could not honk the horn with your forehead. To lead forward.

laughing and honk your horn. I can't handle it. And this girl says, this week's episode was the hardest I've ever laughed while listening. I've been an OG fan from the start. Cooking dinner, listening to New Girls is a luxury in life. And I was in tears listening to the underwear conversation. I love you guys.

I wrote a girl, me too. I have watched that clip so many times. When you say I brought a clutch, when you go, there's food here. When you said, when you said you walked. He walked back from the bathroom through the restaurant. So funny because the whole time, and I did say it, I said Hillstone up top. So I'm picturing the walk from the bathroom at Hillstone.

Like, you and I both worked in restaurants, like it's the, I kept, it was like the vision of it is so fucking funny to me. And in my mind, it's boxer shorts. Like it's not briefs. It's like a big whole pair of bars. Okay. So I had said this thing and I just, I said like we can talk about if you convict. a bad kisser that I never circled back to it because we probably started talking about the beard oil.

But I'm going down that road. But I just wanted to say like a couple different things that I don't, we didn't get messages about like this. I just felt like we were a little remiss and talking about it. So my feeling on changing a bad kisser and also asking for more for a play, we're going to talk about it too. So I think with kissing, I think some people are beyond hope. I truly do.

I think like I said, if you just have your mouth isn't right, your lips, whatever. I mean, whatever. You're born with the lips that you get. I don't know. If a guy is really skinny lips, maybe he should consider feeling. I'm not sure. But I think you start with trying to get someone to match your tempo. I think you don't have to say something outright.

I think you start with like just trying to lead them and they'll follow with your own mouth. And with all of this stuff, I just cannot hammer at home enough, whether it's kissing, it's floorplay, whether it's how you want your partner to dress. It's just positive reinforcement. You don't get anywhere with criticizing someone, especially in a newer relationship right out of the gate, telling somebody something that they're doing wrong. Like positive reinforcement when they do something right, say like, oh, that turns me on. I like that so much.

Oh, I love it when you go slow like this. I love it when you like here. I love it when you do this. Can we just do more of this? Like all positive reinforcement. This isn't a hot take, but I am just reinforcing. I mean, it's a hot take because like I used to,

I mean, I would take the opportunity after sex to mention this stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the worst place to mention it is after somebody has done something that you don't like to be like, hey, by the way, in that moment

where you thought this was fun for me. I mean, that's why I don't believe in like faking orgasms pretending, like you like you like something that you don't like because I think that like we should, give people positive reinforcement and don't, I don't know, don't pretend that we like things and don't tell somebody right after that you did something really bad. Oh, yeah, for sure. And I think after a sexual experience, you can be like, I love when you touch me like that. I just wanted to last forever.

Like the more you can kind of encourage someone that you need more foreplay. And then I think that, now we're moving into the foreplay discussion, but once you're in a relationship with somebody, it's fine to explain that to them. Like, we always say, especially if we're just talking about male-female relationships, like men are going off what they did before. They think you want to be touched like their girlfriend before. Not all of them. A lot of men grow up and they realize every woman's different. Every woman's body is different.

But they just may not know. So I think you can say, like, I just love making out with you. I love you touching me. I love touching you. All the stuff I just need a little bit more so I can get like super ready for sex or whatever. If you are planning on having sex, like just sometimes explaining it in simple terms of like, I just need a little bit more of this to get like fully warmed up. I just want to fuck you so bad.

Like all that kind of stuff is just, it can work. And that's kind of when you're in a relationship and you can just have these conversations. That's not insulting at all. I want more of what you're doing, just like more of it and longer. That's a compliment. And I think that sexting is one of your biggest tools and such like your friend, even if you're not an expert. I think that some people are like, I don't do that. I'm not comfortable with like sexting.

I don't know. I know friends that are like, I would never do that. But I think that that is your friend and being able to text somebody and be like this thing you did to me last night was so amazing. Like just put it in writing. If you don't want to look somebody in the face, I'm just put it in writing. And I think that it's a sexy text and it will get you what you want. So it's two things that are great.

Yeah. And there's also a lot to be said for just simply like, I want to go slower, you know. Yeah. And how do I get to me to do X, Y, Z more? I mean, your partner should be really excited by turning you on. It should get them hard. It should get them, like, their juices flowing. So, like, it will turn somebody on to be like, this turns me on.

Like, that's why I like come talk so much because it's like a positive affirmation about what I'm doing. Yes. It's just, you get a good reaction. This liquid comes out. So I just like knowing that you're really turned on and that turns me on. And hopefully your partner feels like that too. And if your partner is a selfish lover, maybe leave them in the dust. Yeah.

So it's October. It's breakup season. Welcome. Insane. Last year we did this episode where we talked about how everybody's breaking up and I kind of forgot when it was. Because you and I were like, everybody's breaking up again. Yes. So this was a couple weeks back, like end of September.

we were like, what's going on? It's happening again. And then we were like, was this last year at this time? Then I was thinking like, no, no, it was later in the year. It was close to the holidays. I looked it up October 3rd. Last year, we did the episode. Why is everyone breaking up? And X's resurfacing. But it was so much. It's happening again. It's happening again. I mean, everybody around us, also Tom and Giselle. So I was like Googling this morning, like breaking up in October. And there's a wide range of when people break up. Everybody's on articles about this. And it's like, everybody breaks us before. summer. Everybody breaks up before Valentine's Day. But then I found this thing that made me laugh. It's in Cosmo. The article is by a girl named a Hannah Smothers, just about why everybody is breaking up around now. And she calls it, she coined it, I don't know this is an original phrase, the turkey drop. So everyone's trying to get away from you right before Thanksgiving

with an appropriate amount of time before the holidays. Because if you're sort of like lukewarm on somebody, it is hard to bring them home. It's hard to, like, have to talk about your relationship if it's not just like over. I mean, this was her theory. I don't know. I don't offend her. I think that's like a basic lukewarm take. I don't think that's really it.

I think we see people break up that have been together for years. They've been going home for the holidays. Like I've heard that before. It's not new information to me. Breakup before the holidays. I just never heard turkey drop before. Yeah. I mean, like you say, everything's rebranded all the time.

So I just don't think that's really it. I think because I don't think it's the brand new couples that have never spent a holiday together. It always runs the gamut. I mean, it's so many different levels of relationships, seriousness, commitment that break up around this time. I will tell you, October is a great month for me every year. When I like run the tape on like every guy that I've met in my best month, it's always October. Maybe because people are just broken up and they're motivated to go out of date. I mean, well, there's cuffing season two.

So it's this weird circle of life, I feel like, where it's breaking up and then also more people are getting together with coping season. So we haven't really even discussed that. And recently, it was like last year around this time, we did the whole breakup thing. So there's certainly something to getting chillier out and summer being over and you kind of ran around and were a slut all summer. Maybe that's just my story. And now you're kind of ready to like snuggle up and settle down.

It's getting dark earlier and all those things. So there is that. Yeah. I feel like if you're going through a breakup, it's exciting because October just historically for me is my best month. I always meet guys. I always sleep around. I feel like ready to settle down for the winter.

So if you are going through a breakup, no better time to date than now. Yeah. And I also think sometimes people will just break up because guys are fucking doing all their their dumb football shit. And you're like, I'm out. I'm out. Again, this is part of personal to me as well. Because you're a little fantasy league.

Your little fantasy league. This is a little imaginary team you coach. That's why we. This is a bit I do on stage. Come see me. Nashville and Atlanta. Yeah. Okay.

So, yes. It's happening again. It's happening. We're seeing it all around us. I mean, I, for one, am always happy when a friend of mine returns to the wild with me. I feel like we just get to, like, hang more. I never want to see anybody that I love, go through any pain, of course. But I love having single girlfriends.

And I think they're so fun to go out with and party with. And I don't know. I love a single girlfriend. Okay. So I wanted to read you this DM. Okay. I've had this for a couple weeks now. And I've wanted to read it to you.

And I just think it's so funny. And I wanted to answer a question live on air. as well. Okay. Please clarify on eating ass. My husband likes when I'm on all fours to eat my pussy from behind. Is this eating ass? He doesn't touch, no, no, no.

We're not done. He, he doesn't touch my but hole, but it's wide open for the taking. Or is eating ass actually licking the butthole? Thanks in advance, Hanheart, the emoji. Okay. Can I just say my response?

Yes. Did you respond to her? Yes. So I responded to her. I said, ha-ha, obsessed with this question and definitely want to answer on the podcast. Eating ass definitely involves the butthole, but we like what you guys are into. She got a personal response from you? I love this question.

I would have asked that, like, when I was younger, like, is this eating ass? Is this what everyone's talking about? Right. Like, like in a taint, too? Like, is that eating? I mean, I guess if you want to boil it down to like the actual definition, eating ass is, I mean, your tongue is going to be a hole. Yeah, I answered her.

I mean, no, it's not. Yeah, but I love this. You guys are freaky-diki. You're on all fours while he's eating your pussy from behind. Just get his tongue in your but-hole. Have you never done that? I'm sure I have, and I was thinking about this. I feel like I used to sit on so many more faces.

I feel like I've not climbed up on someone's face in so long. Like, I feel like I was always sitting on a guy's face and it's been a minute. So, yeah, I feel like I've done all this stuff. I've had my pussy eating so many times. I've done it all. But that is not what everybody's doing. A lot of women feel insecure even having a guy go down on them. So a lot of women are not on all fours.

Totally. Spread open getting eaten from behind. So it is on a little freakier side to me. So I'm like, if you guys are already doing that, ass eating, it's just, it's around the corner. Okay. I just want to say, I want to back track and then I want to get back to butthole eating. I want to say I have sat on one person's face ever. As a person who's very small, I'm built like a little circus person.

I sat on one face. It was this winter. And that was it. What? One face ever. I mean, I think it's so hot. I see it in like movies and shows and porn obviously, but I'm just, I'm not,

I don't really love having people go down to me to begin with. And so I'm not really wanting to sit and like kneel on your face. I don't do it a lot. I mean, I think it's so hot. But like I, you got to like want to do that because you got to climb up there. I have been sitting on faces since I was 18 years old. I just, the two guys,

the guy that I was fucking, that I lost my virginity when I was 18 and then the guy that gave me my first orgasm at 19. Like, these were like back to back sitting on faces. Where? Okay. Where is the emphasis on your body? Like, where are you leaning? Like, it's in the knees? Like, how are you not? Yeah, you can't just fully

plop down full weight. Like, that's how you kill somebody, I think. No, I mean, are you also, to me, I mean, these were usually scenarios where there was a headboard. Okay, so you're on a headboard. Yeah, yeah. That's the summer, this winter, the one time I ever did it.

Yeah. You got to, I don't really know. I'm trying to think if I've, I probably, I don't think that I've ever done it without a headboard. So yeah, I just,

and then I feel like I haven't done it in so long. Like this is what I'm saying. Like I, I just had this thought that entered my head. I put it my notes up to maybe like build a bit around it of like I used to sit on so many more faces. That is so funny that you're just like a lifelong face sitter. I just used to,

it used to be like a thing that guys would say. I think it's like this hot thing. And then I'd be like, all right. I mean, I'll do anything you want. You know what? I feel like I might like people going down on me more if I got more.

Like if people like begged me for it. I feel like I am so like in the last few relationships I've been and I've been very like steadfast. I don't want this. I don't care about it. If somebody was like begging me for it was like, your pussy is the most beautiful pussy I've ever seen my whole life. It's the most beautiful tasting thing.

I think I'm just, I'm very much like I don't care about this. I don't want it. So it's like not really part of like the sexual lexicon of our relationship. The sexicon. The sexicon. But I don't mind from behind because I like when somebody gets you like a little wet down there and then fucks you from behind.

Yeah. So even if they, like if you're standing and they get on their knees a little bit, but their nose is in your butthole. Yeah. And so for this girl who messaged, keep doing what you're doing. And eating ass is not for everybody. I mean, I've had like two people do it to me in my whole life, you know? And the first guy that did it, I think I was like 29 or like 28.

It's not something you need to do if you're not into it. It sounds like what you guys are doing sounds great to me. Keep it up. Handheart. That sounds so freaky, Hanheart. I think it's fun. People aren't, like, begging to eat my bottle either. It's not, you should just be more open to stuff.

I feel like I'm open to everything else, but I'm like, I don't want you to go down on me the most boring. And you don't like your butt stuff. Like, yeah, I feel like you need to just get, get, let them get back in there. I get really turned on by turning other people on. Like, it just excites. Like, you guys now, I like masturbate to giving blow jobs. So I, it turns me on to turn somebody else on.

Brain and it cannot be more different. Turns me on that you're turning me on. What? Okay. And then while we're on the sex talk, we just wanted to just remind you guys about vibes only. The vibes only app right now is so hot because we have Naomi, which is our star female voice. She's back with the sexy story to date, part three of Naomi. You guys love Naomi if you're in the app. And our star guy, Conrad, the BDSM, Dom, he's back too. So it's like the hottest week ever. And Rain, I got to tell you, I came out of the nail salon last week. And I see across the street these four girls. And I just, like, I saw him kind of whispering and I'm like, okay. So they, like, accost me in the crosswalk. I loved it. And they were like, last night we all listened to vibes only together, the app.

Oh, I love that. So I think they did the free trial. So they all listened to Conrad as a group, I'm dying over it. That is so funny. It was so cute. I just loved it. I was like, what a fun little listening party with your girlfriends getting wet together. How fun is that?

A masturbation circle. You guys, I just, I love how open you all are. I love how open you guys all are. And so exciting. The Raina is available for pre-order. Our cult following number one bestseller, Raina 2 and 1 with a Clit Sucker, is available for pre-order. It will ship latest next week.

So we'll let you know the exact dates, but you can go on divesnily.com. You can get that. The Raina is going to be back in stock. You can pre-order right now. It will ship in about a week. So it's not a long run time. But when you get that, you can connect it to the app. You can get into the app.

The remote control is free. So all the basic controllers that we have in there, you can go to the app store and download vibes only, and the remote's free and a lot of the content. And then hopefully you'll love it and stick around and want the rest of the content. Yes. And if you're like, what the fuck is this?

It is erotic audio experiences. And they connect to your Bluetooth toys, but you can get in the app and listen without the toys. But we do recommend them together. And then we have all these products and, of course, the lube and the blow gel and the new massage oil, which we were loving. And we talked about the massage oil last week.

Okay. So one last thing I just wanted to discuss before we get into it with our guest today. If you are familiar with this show, you know that we're very passionate about women's reproductive rights, abortion. That goes without saying, if you're new here, you can listen back to two of our episodes, one with Dr. Mira Shaw. That was from August 10th, 2020, where we discussed abortion in a factual matter with a doctor. You guys love that episode. We recommend her book. You're the only one I've told.

The stories behind abortion. Please, please consider reading this book or getting it for someone that you care about. it's the best book and just the stories that you just don't really always think about and just the importance of abortion and then abortion is health care. Yes. It's probably one of the episodes you guys have shared with each other the most. So thank you for doing that. Sharing these types of episodes are really, really important. So thank you very much. And then after Roe v. Wade was overturned, we did an emergency bonus episode on June 28th where we just went off. And it also is factual, but we really just popped off very passionately. And you can go back

and listen to that as well. We had nothing but a 100% positive response on that, which was so most of us collectively feel the same way about this issue. And so we told you that this discussion wasn't over. It's not this war on women and our control over our bodies is not over. And midterm elections are coming up. So where we can very much just vote out some of these people vote in the people who support women's rights and have a progressive agenda for the country. So as always, Ray and I know that there is corruption and deception on both sides. We know so many things about our political system are fucked, but, you know, there is a very clear side that we'll fight for women. These are the platforms that they, that they stand for,

and that's how it's always been and how it will continue to be. So we don't, we just need to always want to say that, you know, that we're just like, let's just move the shit in the right direction. A couple things. Midterm election date is November 8th. So you can check your registration status. I'm going to give you some information on that. So you can go to, I like rockthevote.org. You can click check your registration status. You can fill out the form. You can visit at your state's board of election site to see if you're registered. It's a great site for information, even just general information, even if you're like, what are midterms? Yeah, I think a lot of people don't know what that even means. Like, midterms determine the makeup of Congress. Like,

they're very, very important. They significantly impact how the president is able to govern in the second half of his term. So registration deadlines are coming up if you're not registered a vote. Some have passed. So you can go to rock the vote.org. You can go to vote.org. You can search by state. some have passed like I said but some states are still 15 days before so you could still do it this week if you're listening if you're not registered to vote so please register to vote check your registration status just check it even if you're like I am registered to vote because so many things have gotten so fucked up with like voter suppression and different things so just like check to make sure that you're like greenlit ready to go on November 8th and I wanted to bring up something

that's happening in my former home state of Georgia right now and this is important but there's a little tea here so just listen along So Hersia Walker, he's this former NFL player. He's in the Senate race in Georgia. You may have seen this. I mean, SNL is doing sketches on it. Like, it's big in the news. He is completely unfit to run for a multitude of reasons,

one of which he has literally no grasp of U.S. policy. He cannot formulate actual answers to the most basic questions. Like this is, he's endorsed by Donald Trump because, of course, he is. But he is running as a Republican hardcore pro-life stance, no exceptions, abortion ban, all the things. However, his ex-girlfriend has come out and said, that back in, I think, 2009, he paid for her abortion. She got pregnant by him.

He paid for that abortion. And then again, and I believe 2011, she got pregnant with him again. And he tried to get her to have an abortion. She decided not to. So she had the child. She had his child. The child is 10 years old now. And she has the receipts.

She has the receipt from the clinic. She has the get well card he sent and signed her. All of it. And, of course, he tried to deny it saying that he didn't know her. He didn't do this. And then they're like, then it came out. he has a kid with her. Like he's, he's just, he's a liar. He is what he is. I mean, he's a compulsive liar. He's a totally absent father to this child. And I know her. I'm not,

like, continuously in touch with her, but I did spend time with her when this was happening. You know, guys know I lived in Atlanta. I messaged her the other day to tell her that I support her. She is familiar with the show. I'm assuming she listens. She was saying she wants to come to a show. So we'll see you in 2023, girl. But I know her. I know this is true. It's not a controversial take that this is true or not. Like, she had provided the receipts, the proof, all these things. So it's just like, I want to tell you that I know her that this obviously is true. I mean, he's had to try to backpedal and all this stuff.

He's just completely delusional hypocrite person. His own right-wing son came out putting out a statement saying like he's a liar and he's a terrible father. On Instagram, he said family values people. He has four kids, four different women, wasn't in the house raising them. I was silent after lie after lie. Like he's, that's the son. I mean, it's just, I'm sharing the story because I,

feel close to it for a number of reasons, you know, having lived in Georgia for 10 years, knowing this woman and just being so completely outraged by these lying, hypocrite politicians who claim to be pro-life and they want to institute abortion bans and control women's bodies publicly, but privately they have encouraged and are paying for women's abortions. He's not the only one. I'm using him as an example because I know her and I know the story, but he's, there's so many. It's just disgusting. It's like the rules, they don't even believe in this.

Well, they believe in it until it applies to them. But I don't think that they do. I mean, everybody's different. I think they don't give a shit. This is all they have left to run on. So I just Georgians, keep this in mind, spread the word. I just wanted to share this story. You can vote for obviously the incumbent Senator Raphael Warnock.

He's running against him. So this is just a really closely watched race. Georgia always is. It has been especially in recent years. And of course, we endorse Stacey Abrams for governor. And of course, we want to vote people in who will support women's rights to control their own bodies. Yeah, absolutely. All right, guys, we're so excited to welcome a guest today and a friend of ours.

She is the host of the weekly IHeart Radio podcast. Tell me about it. The podcast is a manifestation of all the off-the-record conversations with women about things we're taught to stay quiet about. From stumbling through our 20s, rejections, heartbreaks, fertility struggles, the challenges that come from mental illness. When she is not recording, you can find her at home in L.A. with her Pug Taco. you know I love a pug please welcome to the show Jade Iveen

Hi guys God that intro Thank you so much I know Raina I really went off Every time I get through a whole thing Without stumbling We're always like

No that was excellent Thank you so much Well we met you because we did your show And we had so much fun We really loved the conversation Yes so much It was like we just We do a lot of podcasts

And it was so easy And effortless with you We're so excited You're here to record of that Thanks for having me, guys. I know. We're excited to be real friends. No, for real.

Like, now we've met in real life. Now we can really be like not just Instagram friends. We're going to come to L.A. 100%. Yes. So we didn't see you in this last trip, but then I was like, whatever, because we're going to move there in January for a few months. Are you really?

Yeah. I thought we told you that before. Well, you told me we were thinking about it. Okay. Not that it was really happening. Both of you are coming. Both of us are coming. January 3rd, we got house.

Hell yes. Every time we tell people, people are like, together. I'm like, we're not going to, we're not moving in together. But are you going to live near each other? No. No. Actually, this will be the first time in years that we're not like a five-minute walk from each other. Actually, it's a five-minute walk from her about a bad time.

But everything in L.A. is a half an hour away. Even if, like, you live a block away from each other, you'll never see each other. So it's like, this is great. Well, we'll get together with Taco and Azul. A hundred percent. Which I love this, like, kind of, you know, Mexican theme I have going on. Yes. Okay.

So, anyway. Tell us about yourself. Tell the audience about yourself. Tell me about it. Oh my God. Tell me about myself. Well, born and raised in L.A., so I will be welcoming Raina and Ashley to L.A. I started this podcast a few years ago, kind of after my own, I call it like my rock bottom.

Like I had a really bad mental health season. Let's call it. It was about like three years. So it was a long season. But I also, you know, grew up in the entertainment industry and kind of grew up with all these people that everyone kind of assumed were perfect. And so I kind of got this behind the curtain view of these videos. very flawed and imperfect human beings.

And so I think that was kind of one inspiration behind the show. And also then my own struggles. And every time I ever went through something in life, I always felt like I went through it to help other people who like came after me that were going through it. I was always like the, like my parents were the first ones to get divorced in school, like all this other bullshit. So when I hit like my rock bottom, I was like, I can't recover from this.

And I was what, 23, 24, however old I was. I was like, I can never recover from this. My life is over. I had to quit my job. I was really depressed and anxious. but I just thought like my life was over and I was like, wait, this is, this, I can't be the only person in the world to like go through something shitty. You know, I can't be the only person that like deals with this. So I remember like seeing it was like it was the age of Instagram that we're kind of still in where like everyone was posting like, you know, face tuned pictures, but not only that. I mean, we're all still doing that. Really everyone was focused on aspirational content. Right. And it was always like, okay, how do you be the most aspirational possible? And I was like, fuck that. I'm like the opposite of aspirational. Like I find most connection like, really. relating with people. And I just was like, okay, I need to start a show that, like, I needed when I was going through all my shit. Like, I needed to, can I curse on this show after I said fuck 15 times? Yeah, yeah. We have double penetration, whatever you want to do. We have no clean content on the show. That's why we can barely find the clip. For daytime TV because of it.

Yeah. So basically, I was like, I want to create a show that I needed basically when I was going through my hell. And I, sorry to tell me about it. Hell. Yes. Can I say hell? Yes. Sorry. Age double hockey stick. Yeah.

So then I created, tell me about it. And like it's been about a year and like nine-ish months. Uh-huh. And yeah, and here I am now. Jade, you said something that like really struck me because you, like you said, you grew up in the entertainment industry around a lot of really famous people. And even though you were able to like see behind the curtain, they're like, none of this is real and everybody has problems.

And it doesn't matter that the richest and most beautiful people in the world, like it's all fake. 100%. To still feel like. like it's still so hard to struggle with like the depression and feel like, why, why am I like this? Even though you know that everybody's like this. Right. Even at the top, top, top. Totally.

And I think it's like, you know, you might know some of your family friends go through shit, but like then you still have all those girls on Instagram that you admire and think, but like, oh, but maybe some people are just exempt from dealing with all this shit. Right. And the truth is no one is, you know, but I wanted to find out for sure. I wanted to create a show that exclusively talked about the shit we went through rather than like, I really honestly don't allow people to talk about their successes on my show. It's kind of fucked up.

But I'm like, I only want to hear like the times that you binge ate after a breakup or like the times that your mental health got so bad. You were institutionalized or whatever it is, you know, like grief, all that stuff. And there's like so much connection that can come from like those really deep, hard things like grief. And then there's things that are like, like we talked about, I think we might have talked about this before.

But like when you see on Instagram that someone has something exciting coming up and you're like, I'll just go fuck myself because my life sucks, you know. So I just want to relate on that full spectrum of like shittiness, basically. I can't even imagine the conversation you and Hannah had the other day. Because Hannah is like, we're going to talk about your demons and all your fucked up shit. I know. She and I were like, it was very funny because the whole time we were like, yeah, our shows are extremely similar, but also like, yeah, the content is hilarious.

And we're both these like depressed Italian people. So I have a question for you. And we talked about this was the topic you covered on one of your recent episodes and the way you post it in the episode description I loved is like, what's worse? Everything going wrong and feeling like shit or feeling like shit, but nothing's wrong. Yeah. And if this is like too weird of personal question, just tell me like, but did you feel guilt and shame about struggling when you're like, but I've had all this. 100% privilege and I've had, you know what I mean? Absolutely.

There's that. You know, like there's that just generally like, you know, like my life is, I'm doing what I love and my life is great and I have a roof over my head and I don't have to worry. about X, Y, and Z. But it's also, like, I just got engaged, actually, I just got engaged a year ago in October. And I remember feeling like on top of the world, I felt so great. And then lo and behold, like a month later, my depression reared its ugly head. And I was like, this is a bizarre feeling because I'm supposed to be the happiest I've ever been. And I think that's like a really hard thing with depression that like even if you're so well versed in like what it really is, like a chemical imbalance and you know that it's not you and I'm on medication and X, Y, and Z.

Like, I think it was really hard for me because it does trick you into questioning your whole life because all of a sudden it wasn't just that I had this chemical imbalance. I'm like, did I make a wrong decision? Like, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with my life? What's wrong with my partner? You know, and I think that's, it's a weird thing. Like, because sometimes when you're depressed, you can be depressed because of a multitude of things that are going wrong. There can be actual, like, there can be actual things that are really shitting. in your life right now and you can feel depressed and you can feel like, okay, maybe this is a little circumstantial and a little bit of my chemical imbalance. But when you feel like everything is going right

and you still can't get up and you still feel like shit, you still feel like hopeless, that's a whole other level of depression that like it's really hard to pull yourself out from. And it's scary because you're like, well, if this is, everything's going great, what's going to happen when something goes wrong? Like, what am I going to be like? Uh-huh. And it's a struggle to feel like I've got the money. I've hit the milestones. I got the engagement ring. I have these things. But like what you said, the chemical imbalance in my brain is not allowing me to like feel it. So what do you do? Let's talk about it. Let's talk about therapy. Yeah. Therapy. Oh, my God. Yes. I'm like obsessed with my therapist. Therapy is huge for me. My medication is huge for me.

And also the the attitude that I have about my medication has like only really like up until probably like two years ago, I had a really unhealthy relationship with my medication. Like, I'd skip it all the time. It was kind of just like self-sabotaging in a weird way. And I just felt like I was so resentful that other people got to get up every morning and the birds were singing. And I had to have this pill that made me function, you know, or made me myself. And, you know, it has all of its side effects and stuff that I was so resentful over. And so recently I've, you know, or when I first started Lexapro, because with antidepressants, you kind of have to try a few. I mean, sometimes people are lucky and try one. And they get it right. But it's kind of like birth control or any of those other things, like

where you have to find what works best for you and what works best for you is not what works best for other people. But I made a promise to myself two years ago. And I was like, listen, we're going to go on this pill and we are not, we're going to take it one day at a time. You know, like, like, like, in AA. You know, you're like, we're going to take this one day at a time and we're truly, I'm not going to make any promises to myself. Like, I'm going to be on it for three years and then I'm going to come off it. Like, I was not going to do any of those stupid mind games. I was like, we're going to take this a day at a time. And if I need. if there's a season in my life that I'm slipping, I'm going to be okay if I need to up my

prescription. If I need to up the dose. And that was always so scary for me because I was always just itching to get back to never needing it when I was like, what, 16? It was probably like the last time I didn't need it, you know? So I was always just trying to get to the point like, okay, but okay, if I increase it now, but I'll just go, I'll go down again in two months. And that's just like so maddening because truly there are like your mental illness comes

in seasons sometimes. And it's like, you can't predict that. So I've gone up and down. And like sometimes even like I tried during my PMS times to go up a dose and then come back down. You just have to be like, you have to be. We all have to be just like easier on ourselves about that. So that's really important to me with my mental health.

And like when that's happening, I'm like, okay, Jade, you might need like 10 milligrams more. And like that's okay. And it's not a life sentence. I love this conversation about a difficult relationship with your medication. I'm sure a lot of people can relate. I mean, did you find it? generally shifting your own mindset into like do you ever have like gratitude like I'm glad that

I can have this mindset like instead of I hate this and I shouldn't have to do this and more like I'm lucky we're lucky that we have these advances in medicine to help yes I think like that shift happened about two years ago we're going to also happen because I heard a lot of other people like that were on it and got their life back from it I truly could not have the career I have the life I have the relationship that I have without this pill and there's two ways to look at that on one hand I could be like my life. Why can other people do all those things and I can't? Or it's like, thank God I have this thing. Because I also know so many people who are struggling so hard because they can't find that pill. You know, they can't find the right medication that makes them feel like, feel like their

wheels are back on track or it makes them feel not like themselves. Like my medication makes me feel like me. Like, and I have every, like the broad spectrum of emotions, like I'm able to do all these things that like, quite frankly, I'm a depressed bitch. Like, I can't, I truly, like, there's no getting around that. That should be the name of your podcast. You know, like, truly. I love that. A depressed bitch. Or merch. Yes. I know. Like, truly, though, like, I'm, I'm anxious and depressed. I don't know why that's surprising to me. Both of my parents are. I'm like, my siblings are. You know, there's just, there was no chance in the gene pool for me for it to go any other way. So I just some kind of, like, radical self-acceptance. Like, just, like, this is who I am. And honestly, I think it comes from

also making a career out of it. Like now I talk to people only about those things that make them as insecure as my medication makes me. You know, so I think it's like I do that to heal myself as well. Okay. I'm just curious in therapy. We talk a lot about mental illness on the show and pills and medication are right for different people. But prior to that or even now today, while you're on medication, do you have any like mantras and self-talk that really help you when you say to yourself, like, nothing is wrong and I'm still sad? So like, why am I like this? Because I think it's, It's hard to get out of that for a lot of people. And for myself, too, when I'm feeling like really, really low, I will, like, sit down and I'll make a list of the things that I think I feel low about.

And I'll try to address those things. But even that doesn't help sometimes. So do you have some tools in your toolkit? Yeah. I think hitting rock, I call it rock bottom. I think that's even, like, an aggressive term for it. Because it really, like, for, you know, everyone's rock bottom is objective, of course. But I think just knowing that I got out of that, which was because I had to go to, like, a mental health outpatient program. am and like I did all these things and I thought I'd never get my life back and I thought that I'd never

laugh again or you know what I mean? You get like the, when you're depressed, your brain is, it's, it's a different person talking to you. And you kind of just think like the hopelessness is a is an adjective I would use to describe depression because you just feel like this is forever. This is who I am. I'm never going to be one of those carefree girls, et cetera, et cetera. So I think just knowing that it does pass like this two shall pass kind of, which is like a cliche, obviously and stupid, but just knowing that like it might take a week, it might take two weeks, it might take a month. And that's scary. When you first get in bed, you know, or wherever your cozy depression zone is, like, will I ever get out? You know, because I know people who aren't

medicated and don't take care of their mental health at all and they're in bed forever or, you know what I mean? Like, they're down there forever. So I think just knowing that like I'm trying, I'm doing the best I can and like, I have to be patient. I have to. I like, there's no other way out through. It was not sustainable at all, you know, and I had this job and how it looked on the outside was like I was succeeding. I was like doing everything you're supposed to do post-college, but it's kind of like all of my childhood trauma, like everything caught up to me at once. Oh my gosh. Yeah. My relationships couldn't survive. I was very volatile. And that's like not who I am at all. Anger is not really like something that I pursue in my like daily life. It's not like

something I really have. And I was just angry and I was like not my sense. at all. And I all of a sudden was just like, I need to go to the hospital because like, I was like, I just need to go to the high and check myself in somewhere because I am losing my mind. I didn't recognize who I was or what I did. And it's funny because even now, I'll look back at text messages from that time. And I almost can't. Like, it's like embarrassing for me. Because I'm like, it was a different person. Like even just down to the amount of like exclamation points, my decisions weren't mine. I just like had completely lost it. Were you with your like now fiance? You guys have been together since college, right?

Yeah. Bless his soul. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I listened to your episode about him supporting you through this. It's very funny because he was like, yeah, I don't have this. Our family doesn't do this. I know. Meanwhile, I don't know if anyone else does this, but I'm always like, you know, your aunt has

severe depression. Like, I try to, like, point out, like, all of his family. And he didn't say that in, like, such a flippant way. No, no. He's a piece of boy. Right. Right. But he didn't grow up with it in his family, so he doesn't know how to.

That's the way he wants somebody. He didn't grow up with like Prozac on the breakfast table like I did. But I'm excited to talk. Can we talk about like the relationship through that? Yes. You need to be supported. And yes. Yeah.

No, we're going to ask the same question. Yeah. Let's talk about sort of like what your relationship was like at that period versus now and like how he supported you through that. I think we were both really young, you know. And also like I do feel bad to an extent because I sold him a completely different version of like who I turned out to be. You know, like as I said, like I didn't really have.

have mental illness, like I know it now when we first started dating. You know, I had, I was crazy in my own right, you know, but I didn't have this kind of stuff. It's like this new person was in our relationship. Like, not only was it me and him, but it was like my mental illness now had a seat at the table. So what did the conversations look like when you said, you know, mentalness has a seat. I love the way you phrase that at the seat at the table now. So like, how did you even try to explain that to him and how to, I'm sure it was really tough for him. It's harder for you. But, you know, just hard on your relationship in general. So how did Yeah. Right. And were you ever like, he's going to leave me? Like, were you ever like,

I'm now I'm going into, I'm going to damage goods. Yeah. No, got me. That's what I felt. No, that's what I felt. Was it a fear of like he will not stand by me through this? Yeah. I loved him so much. I love him so much that I was like, I felt bad. Like I felt so guilty. I felt like, and I think what really helped us through the whole thing was like, I was free falling for a while, you know, just like doing whatever I could to get by. Like, taking mental health weeks. Like I lost like all my friendships at the time. Like I just, I could not be a normal person. I didn't know how to like be carefree anymore. I didn't know how to just like hang out. I couldn't see out from under it.

But I think once I went to the hospital and checked myself in, that was like the beginning of the series where like I, my mental illness wasn't under control yet, but he knew that I was taking steps to like handle it and that I knew and that we were learning together that I was as blind as he was to this whole world. You know, I'd include him in my therapy sessions and sometimes and he'd come to my outpatient program. Like, he was very involved and I think that's what saved us was that I never tried to just go it alone. Yeah.

I think that's like the most helpful advice in the world. I dated somebody who was tremendously depressed on and off and I didn't know how to help him. And that really was hard for me because I felt like if I just loved him more, if I tried harder, if I tried to give him the tools to be more successful that like I can make him happy. And then you're like, but why can I make you happy? And I think for me, the stress was that I felt like he wasn't doing anything to make it better. And I am completely sympathetic to the fact that when you're depressed, that's a really hard step to take. You're not somebody in a normal mindset saying, let me just pull on these letters and see if it's better.

But what you said in terms of like, he could look at me and see that I was trying. Right. And I think that's really incredible in a relationship and very helpful. I think, you know, like it's like someone with diabetes. Like you wouldn't not date someone with diabetes, but you would maybe if they refuse to take their insulin or like they refuse to like help themselves and way. And that's, I think that's like, that's where it gets really hard. And by the way, like, I went through a season where, like, I was not helping myself in a proper way at all. I was just doing whatever I needed to do to get by. And that was a really dark time in our relationship.

Like, it was really hard. He was like, what the fuck is wrong? Like, who are you? You know, like, I was raging. It was chaos all the time. I didn't know how to help myself. So I think once I finally, like, saw a little light. And that's the thing. It does not happen all at once. It's not an avalanche. It's like a very gradual thing. I think once I saw a little light, I was like, okay, I'm grabbing your hand and you're coming with me on this journey and we're going to figure this out because I need to also learn that it's not, that it's like a disease like cancer. You know, it's like truly like, it's not just circumstantial. It's like, I have this thing that is part of our relationship and it's not going anywhere. So like, how do we both learn how to manage it?

Because he's also solution oriented. You know, he's like, okay, if you're sad, there's probably a reason, like let's help it. You know, let's figure it out. And I'm like, oh my God, like, that's just not even going to help at all, you know. So it was, it was hard. Like, I'm not going to lie and sit here and say, like, he was amazing and he totally got it from the jump. He didn't. He was like, okay. You know, there were a lot of times where he was like, are you sure okay? And I was like, absolutely not. Not okay. Yeah. But yeah, we figured it out. I mean, what did just testament to the like love and commitment you guys obviously have? Because so many couples don't make it past college without all of this. Like the fact that you just don't grow up the same way. You don't grow together. You go on your

separate pass. You stop clicking the way that you once did. So it's really, I don't know if impressive is the right word, but that you guys dealt through all this and are still in this great place. You're getting married. I mean, how long have you guys been together total now? Eight years. Yeah. Like what a journey. But I mean, it just sounds like you found your person and we're like, we're going to do whatever it takes to make this work. Oh, you weren't traumatized as a child. Let me just catch you up real quick. I'll traumatize you real quick. He just was a like I'm in it for the long haul. Yeah, I guess.

Is that the vibe? Are you just like, were you ever like, is this cool? And he's like, hey, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. No, like, like an assurance that you felt. Like him sleeping on the couch of my hospital room, like, while I'm like losing my fucking mind. Yeah.

I was like, okay. You know, like this guy is pretty incredible. Yeah. But I think it was also like, he also had a great support system that really wanted to make sure that he didn't get lost in the sauce, you know, because I think it can also really become about the person who's in. in crisis and who's in healing. And he was like, you know, a young 20-something-year-old who was trying to, like,

make a career and do all these things. So I think it was important for him to separate and have some boundaries being like, I have to go to work. But, like, you can call me at all hours, you know, but like, there are certain things that I just have to do because I can't drown with you. And that you can do that in a loving way. Yeah. You know.

Boundaries. Boundaries. If I'm still learning about boundaries. If she could bring up. If she could bring up boundaries. Ashley found her. She's my favorite guest besides you, Jane. But I will say, like, what an incredible thing at his age that he could do this. Because, like, I was the person you were describing before in my relationship at the time where I would just be like, okay, well, you know, you seem to be depressed about your job.

And it's your station in life and like, all right, well, let's write a resume. Let's apply for jobs. Let me just help you. I'll help you the cover letter. I'm so good at this. Let's just, let's do all these things. And the other person, sometimes doesn't even know how to tell you. Like, it's not, I can't just do a couple little things and change because it's a chemical. and balance and I had never suffered from that. So I was young and I just was like, well, let's just write a resume. We got this. You know, and it's, it's not like that. I say to him all the time, like, I don't know if I'd have the same grace and patience that you had with me, like, if the roles were reversed. Like, I know, it makes me a horrible human being. But it's truly so frustrating because you're like, get the fuck up. Like, be yourself. Like, come on. Get it together. Like, you're so lucky. You have all these things going for you. Like, you can do this. And also,

when you love someone, you don't want to see them in pain like that, you know? Right. So I 100% understand like the other side where you're just like, okay, like it's been two months. This is like kind of not cute anymore. You know? Yeah. I mean, I just, I'm loving the honesty in this conversation. It's very honest. Yeah.

I don't know any other way, unfortunately. I love this thing that you said. I want to like go back to it because I think it's super validating to people with this feeling of like seeing what other people are doing on social media. And you would said like, we shouldn't put people on pedestals. And like you said it earlier, but I want to go back to it. and actually like break it down. When you see someone saying like big things happening,

exciting announcement coming up. I hate them. At times I am the person. We do it, but I get it. No, I'm literally like I do it too. It's like a marketing. But all of a sudden like when I do it, even if it's like fake and it's or it's like something

that it's not that exciting, I'm like, oh my God. But then when other people do it, I'm like, oh my God, it must be like the queen of may she rest in peace. It must be like someone coming on her show that like I want so badly. It's truly like the worst feeling in the whole world. And I feel like people are doing it more. now. I don't know why. I feel like just it's like everywhere you love people are announcing exciting things and being like, oh my God, this next season of the show. It's even like things that I don't even

want to be doing. It's like a fucking pilot is like I have an exciting thing happening. And I'm like, oh, all of a sudden I like want to be a pilot. It knows no bounds that jealousy. You know what I mean? Like it's like it just makes you, it can affect like your whole day. You know what I mean? It just makes you feel like, oh, I'm not doing anything. I'm not on the right path. I like I don't have anything exciting coming up. So it makes you like this green jealous monster. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we've talked about this before.

I mean, I used to have to just, you know, mute or unfollow some people when I felt like I was struggling to figure out what was going on. But I still do it. I'm sure you still do it. Right. We have to. Even if you've achieved so much and you're like, I'm doing great.

Right. Everything's going so well. I've achieved so much. You still see someone else. You're like, well, maybe I want that. Or I should have that or I should be doing that. I'm not doing enough. Yes.

You just kind of can go down in this spiral. No, even if you had something exciting. two days before. And then it's just like this person has something exciting today. You're like, fuck. You know, it's just like, I don't know why. And I know better and I know the background. Like I know it's a marketing tactic. I know all the things. But when I actually see it, my stomach drops without fail every time. Of course you know better. And, you know, one of my favorite things I've ever read in a book about, you know, what your mind tells you is like just because your mind's telling you something doesn't make it true. Right. And just because you're watching somebody be happy,

doesn't mean they're happy. And how many people do we see look like they have the best relationship in the whole world on Instagram? They break up a week later. Like, none of it is necessarily true. But even all that good, healthy self-talk doesn't help all the time. And this weekend,

Astros at this wedding with a lot of our friends. And I was at the park by myself, babysitting a black pug. And there was this group of people next to me. And they had just gotten engaged. So I guess they, I was really easy dropping pretty hard. And they had all these people come. They were these big picnic in the park.

And they had maybe like, I don't know, eight other couples come. It was this giant group of people. having fun, all celebrating this engagement. Ashley's at a wedding and I'm by myself at the park and I was like so bummed and I was like, I've no friends. Right. I'm home by myself and I had to be like, all right, Rayna, relax you tons of friends. Everything's fine. You're having a great day. No, you have to like recalibrate, but it's really crazy because your brain can go from zero to 100 so quickly. Like you can go from thinking everything's fine to like Mayday, I have the worst life ever. Like my career

suck. I'm horrible at my job, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. And 2.2 seconds. Yeah. Like it's wild. It's really, and it's unhealthy. And I always, like, what I'm really working on these days is like that old saying that like someone else's beauty is not the absence of your own. Like, I'm truly just trying to be. Yeah. It's like, I hate it's so lame. No, it's not.

Someone else's success does not make you less successful. Right. I mean, I do a lot of there's enough to go around. Right. Like her success is my success. Nikki says this. Nikki Glazer is so open about all of her struggles and mental health and things like that and like the jealousy that she feels.

Right. Towards like if she sees another female comic doing something. You know, she's like, they're, prettier than me and they're going to be better than me and they're going to be bigger than me. And she's like, what I do is I redirect it and I like compliment them or I tell people to watch their special. Right. So I think when I feel that tinge of jealousy, I'm like, this is better for all of us.

You know, because it's usually women. It's like, I don't really compare myself to men. Right. No, we're in a different space. I don't care about them. Yes, the rising tide boats thing. Lits all shit, whatever. It's just, it's self talk.

No, but it's like. You have to tell yourself these things. And I wish I had to do less of it, but I truly have to like sit my ass down and be like tell myself over and over and over and over again because I think Instagram can make and like social media in general makes the world seem so small. Yeah. So it really does feel like there isn't room for everyone. There is. Yeah. And you like, you have like a scarcity mindset. You're like, oh my God. What am I, you know, like everyone's looking at me and everyone knows that I'm failing in the X, Y and Z. And like, I wish I had more of a grasp on it than I do. And it sucks. But I'm like, and I'm happy for

those people. Sure. You know, happy for them. No, but I really get so jealous and I get like so, not even just jealous. Like I wish badly upon them. It's more so like my self-talk. I turn into the devil. Like I'm like, oh my God, I become like the meanest person to myself ever. Yeah. Well, you have to do things to prove yourself. Those things aren't true. Right. So I'm sitting in the park alone. I was like, I have no friends. I'm so sad today. And I called my best friend and I wanted to have played with a dog. And other things, I mean, Ashley and I say it all the time. Can't say it enough. Make a list. So if you're like, this person's so successful, make a list of your successes. If you have to do that every day, if that's your affirmations and your mantras and you say it in the mirror, you talk, you talk to

me about like doing mantras and affirmations in the mirror. Whatever you have to do to like tell your brain that what you were thinking is not in the mirror, which is nothing wrong with that. No, I could never get into that either. I do it. I do self-talk, but I'm off. The mirror I can't take a treat to you. But also I love a mirror affirmation.

It's very like in Easter right and insecure. Yeah, I cannot do the mirror affirmations. Like that's just like I cannot. I will start talking even worse. It's literally no judgment. I just wanted to clear it up because. Yeah, that is defamatory. I know I didn't.

No, there's nothing wrong with. I mean, I picture Issa Rae, like, wrapping herself and it's scared. I really try to go down this path of like when it's women, it's so good for all of us. Like, we're going to dominate. We're taking over like, 100%. Again, this is just what I, the self-talk I have to do when I feel that feeling is like, it's better than men. Right. I just have to spin it and that like we're killing it collectively.

I know her. I'm a friends with her. Totally. I heard something that, like, I'm not going to butcher this, but it said something like, if someone's doing something that like you really wanted to do or like has an opportunity that you wish you had, it means like the vibration is getting closer to you in a way. And also I do agree with what you said. Like my first reaction is obviously to shit talk myself for 20 minutes.

But then you have to call someone. You have to like call someone who's not in your frame of mind. Like and just be like because you're not seeing yourself the way that anyone else is seeing you. It's like if you get fired and you think everyone's looking at you, everyone gives a fuck that you got fired. Like no one's looking at you. No one gives it. shit. No one's even thinking about it. It's even worse. Like truly no one's even thinking about you. You're the only one that's thinking about it. Right. But it's also important to have a friend that you can be like,

listen, like, I need five minutes of like you gassing me up or like just to be like, like, you know, because they might be like, oh my God. And all my friends and I talk about like how well you're doing. And I'm like, because you just like you get into this hole. And like the only thing I can pull you out is like having a different perspective, I think. Yeah. And I like so much what you said. And it's easy for me to look at other podcast duos, for example, and be like, they're on tour. their show so big. They had these guests. They're doing so great. I love their studio. And what Ashley and I have done that I definitely got from Nikki Glazer also is just like to hype those people, we've become friends with all those girls. We've had them on our show. We've promoted their shows.

We've gone on theirs. And I feel like being friends with all those people and surrounding ourselves with people, they're doing a great job. They might be doing stuff better than us has made my life better. We've seen people that have decided not to do that and have taken the low road, the jealous road, the shit-talking road of people that they think are treading on their turf and they don't do well. Like I'm not, I'm thinking of a particular example where I'm like, innately you kind of want to. You're kind of like, oh, they're not as good as us and they're put the yada yada, but it's like it doesn't really work long term. I guess it can.

But it really is more of like the good collective energy, the supporting other people that kind of makes you rise at the top. I do feel like this was a ploy for me to use my dad's quote. This was a plan all along about the forest. with the, we also have been talking about your dad as you want to talk about. It's fine. No, but this is like why you have to have your blinders on because truly it will, like if you look at another horse, like you will trip up, you will fall. Like you cannot do your best work while you're looking to the left and right of you. You can't. Well, let's back up and talk about your dad. Okay. So, and I, because I, I feel like we talked about this in your podcast. Yeah.

Again, your dad is Jimmy Iovine and the defiant ones is my favorite documentary. Yeah. It's four part, four part documentary. And he has the quote about this is why horses were blinders, so they don't trip up and look at the horses on the side of them. And then what recently Kim Kardashian quoted him. Right. And did she quote him? Yeah.

She got all the quotes. I heard this somewhere. Yeah. And then she's now the quotes like being attributed to her and we need to make sure no one thinks. Set the record straight. I mean, it's actually while only why I'm here. It's just so I can barely set the records straight. She's like, I don't even like you guys.

You could be in their family. You're like giving Kendall. Yeah. Thank you so much. Oh my God. Are you not? It's like, is that Kendall Jenner? Thank you so much.

But it's just, it stuck with me forever. I mean, the scene itself, then it goes into 50s, like, he's hanging upside down. He's going, because your dad is going like, you just have to go, go, go, go. And then 50's like, go, go shorty. It's your birthday. I'm crying. I've been like really forced to watch this 15,000 times that you know it better than I do. It's like actually unbelievable.

We love it. It's incredible. Like, we, when we talk about doing reality TV, like, we always like, we don't want that. We want like a docu series like the defy the defy the defy. It wants that's what we want. That's what we tell people. No, I was talking to him about it the other day because like before when I was growing up, he didn't really get recognized.

Like it was a very niche community that he would like be. Yeah, he's behind the scenes guy more so. Very much so. So now it's like constant like people come up to him all the time just because of that documentary. Like it was, it's really, it's truly the best documentary I think maybe ever. Ever made. Yes.

If someone hasn't seen it or hasn't heard of it, which weird. But like I'm excited to tell them about it. But I'm also like, can. And we be friends? Right. No, but I think a lot of people, whatever,

it's not important, but this is kind of a weird transition. Yeah. We can not do it if you want, but you have been talking about reparenting. Yes.

No, 100% as you can imagine. I need tremendous. I don't know. I remember that we wanted to discuss this. So if you guys want to watch it on HBO, it's called the Defiant One.

And you can witness my childhood trauma. Yeah. Oh, no. And then watch that and then come back and listen to. Are you in it all? Is there any old footage? Oh, yeah,

I need to rewatch it. It's been years. I watched it in my old apartment. Should we hang out? Oh my gosh. Let's just turn it on right now, yes. Ashley and I joke that we don't actually hang out. We see each other like six days a week.

No, that's true. Like I bet you don't like, don't you feel inclined to just pick up a mic when you guys are hanging out? Well, we did. Sometimes stuff will happen. We're like, God, we should have got that on camera. Right. On camera. But we hung out.

And we watched The Bachelor recently. It was so weird. We were like on my couch, like having wine. I was like, this is so bizarre. She actually cooked like a whole dinner with her back to me while I like filtered on all this gossip. It was just like being at home by myself. And then we got into bed together like the fall and we watched another bachelor at a hotel.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Come over to get in bed with her. But anyways, let's talk about your thoughts on reparenting. You did an episode about it. And like what it is. Yeah. Like what the fuck?

Okay. No, so basically reparenting is like the concept, at least to me, I'm not a therapist. My sister is. I'm not a therapist. But it's something that I've been working on in my own therapy. And like when we talked about my dark time, it was something that really helped me get out of it. But basically it's the concept to me.

is acknowledging the deficits in your childhood, the deficiencies in your childhood, the things that you didn't get, whether that be, there's a list of them, but I think it's like, you know, the ability to regulate your emotions, joy, nurture, you know, like all these different things that maybe your parents weren't equipped enough to give you. Because, you know, we're all raised by traumatized people and then we, they traumatize us, you know? So it's really like realizing the things that you didn't have and not a like victimized way, not a way of being like, oh, and I'll never be able to love someone else because I wasn't loved as a child, X, Y, and Z. I keep saying X, Y, Z. I just fuck me. Anyway, it's your new saying.

Yeah, I guess so. I'll fuck you after. After you wrap. As of today. So it's like, you know, recognizing the things that you didn't get, but also realizing that you have the ability to give that to yourself as an adult. I think that a lot of people have this misconception that after childhood, the drawbridge closes, like on your 18th birthday. And it's like, everything crystallizes. and it's solidified and all the damage that was done to you and all the trauma you suffered is like just, okay, well, go on for the rest of your life and be that person because there's nothing you can do. You can't rewrite your childhood despite how much we probably wish we could in a lot of ways. But basically reparenting, there's a lot of incredible books about it and there's like a lot

of different methods to go about it. But it's kind of taking the keys back and being like, okay, I didn't receive this as a child. Okay, great, you know, make peace. And I struggle with this as an adult. Like maybe it's discipline. Like discipline wasn't big in your household. So now you struggle with discipline. And it's like, okay, maybe I'll start to keep one promise to myself a day. Maybe I'll start by the shitty thing about it is that your inner child will throw a tantrum

inevitably. They will. It'll be like, what the fuck? Like I've been going our whole lives without this. Like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to keep the... I shouldn't have to. Right.

What I do is it sounds so stupid to say it out loud. But like discipline has been a big one. for me. But it's also like talking to myself in a nurturing way, which feels weird at first. Like, it's even saying things like, honey, sweetheart, Jady, whatever your thing is to yourself, being like, I know you don't want to do this right now, but we have to do, like, just like how you wish, like, the healthiest of parents that no one really has in real life would handle you. And it's like, it's such, it's been in such an incredible journey for me because I have this partner now and I want to have kids and whatever. And, you know, I don't think you can make someone feel safe or feel loved

without the ability to give that to yourself first. So it's kind of like, what were my deficiencies in childhood? And what were my parents not able to give me? And how do I give that to myself now? I love all of this. And thank you for sharing. And we recently did an episode with Lori Gottlieb. Yeah, she's amazing. kind of about the theme of that was more like you can't redo your childhood and how to kind of have a relationship with your parents if you have a lot of that like resentment of the things that you didn't get. But I love this angle of it too of like I love this metaphor of the drawbridge is not closed. You're not crystallized in this person. I think so many therapists are also like trained

to only focus on the ways that your parents fucked you up. And I remember thinking like I'm so sick of just talking about like all the ways that my parents fucked up. And like I'm so because it made me feel so disempowered. I was just, I just felt like I was left with this lump of trauma and shit. And that there was nothing I could do about it except for talk about it every week in therapy. And then when I was actually given these actionable ways to overcome some of those deficiencies that I have in myself, you know, like my ability to regulate my emotions, like if I had neglected my childhood, you know, like certain things like that, you like, a lot of people just think like, that's my past and you feel resentful because of the ways that you.

you don't, the things that you don't like about yourself today. And like this reparenting concept is like, I want to scream it from the rooftops because it's such a way to get the keys back and to take the power back and be like, okay, I can actually be all of those things to myself. I can mother, father, parent myself in the way that I wish I had been when I was a child. And like, you really do start to see the benefits and like it does, it starts to work. You know, it's, and it's hard to connect with your inner child. You know, it's hard to be like, Because I think a lot of us just push her or him behind and we're like, okay, we don't want to pay attention because that person's in so much pain. But once you start to open that dialogue with that person and be like, what do you need and indulge yourself in a way that adults aren't indulged, you know, but do that for yourself.

It's like the most liberating feeling in the world. Yeah. And you don't have to wait until you have children to do this. I think a lot of people are like, no, they have that trauma, but they're like waiting to redo it. until they have their own family. And A, some people don't want to have children like myself and a lot of other people, but you don't have to wait. You can do this.

You shouldn't wait. Yeah. And I know some people feel like weird or uncomfortable or awkward about it and self-talk in general. And people like, what are you talking about? I'm like, re-parent my inner child. You know, but this is like, this is the ways out, the ways to help. And there's little ways. You know, like there's little things like decorating your house in a way that like makes you

happy that might not be like the Instagram. aesthetic of like minimal neutral tones. You know what I mean? It might be having a pink couch. It might be like there are like a lot of little ways that maybe don't feel as stupid to you as like other ways. Like if you have trouble like just talking to yourself and baby talk, which can be extremely uncomfortable, like you can do other things that can also satisfy those needs.

And I don't know if this is relatable to you or helpful. But you know, for me I got caught in this loop for so many years of needing to be validated on what I went through and needing of my parents to say. like I know I did this to you and I know I fucked you up in this way and wanting to hold up a mirror and say like you did this. You did this. And I was caught in this loop for so many years of needing to like say to my mom like I need you to validate that you did this. And when I let that go and I was like it doesn't matter. Like we can just move past this and I like you said can address these things for myself or with the parent if you really want to. It was helpful for me. It was very freeing to say to myself like I don't necessarily need this validation. I'm probably not going to get it. That's okay. Right. Because I just found myself at one point like. in therapy, just circling the toilet, which being like, oh my God, we're just talking about this shit again and how I'll never, I'm not able to like have this aspect of my life because I didn't have this in childhood. And it just felt like, God, okay, like, can we just focus on the future now?

Yeah. Yeah. And like you, but the truth is you can't really heal the future without healing the past. So it's like, recognize where there were holes in your childhood, you know, and then be like, okay, how do I actively give those to myself on a daily basis now? I love that. And just in general, a theme of this podcast is always like, you. should be in charge of your own life.

Like you said, like you have the keys. You don't have to rely or force someone else to give this to you. You can give it to yourself. Yeah. Maybe just in closing, do you have any, like, books that you love on this or anxiety, depression, anything that you, like, really love. Yeah.

There's a book called Us. I think it's Terence Real, I think, wrote it. Did you say you about it? Yeah, somebody about it. Bruce Brinkstein actually wrote the forward of it. Randomly, he has so much to say about reparenting. Okay. You wouldn't expect that, but Bruce Springsteen really is like a scholar.

So he wrote the forward to this book and it's wonderful. It's called us. So if you are interested in reparenting, I would definitely read that. Okay. Great. And watch the defined ones. Oh, and maybe listen to my podcast. Yes.

No, we're going to do all that. I forgot about that. Well, Jay, this was a really beautiful episode about like mental health. Thank you guys. Thank you for just your honesty. And I think a lot of people will relate to it. This is really beautiful. So thank you so much for this.

Thank you. And please tell people. We'll be there now. Please tell people where they can find everything about you. So I'm at Jade Iveen on Instagram. I'm like figuring out TikTok and we'll get there eventually. Same. And I'm a fossil.

It's fine. And it's an IHartRadio podcast, but new episodes wherever you get your podcast every Tuesday. It's called Tell Me About it. And you guys know where to find everything that we do, vibes only.com and the vibes only app is on iPhone. and Android, and you can, of course, shop at Vives Only.com. Girls GottaEadpodcast.com.

You can get tickets to the live show there. Follow us at Girls' GottaEad Podcasts on Instagram. I am Ash Hess on everything. Rain is reina.org. Girls underscore Got to eat on Twitter. And we will see you next week. Killed it. Have a good week, guys.

Bye.