Girls Gotta Eat - Mastering the Apps

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

What profile pics should I use? How do I craft the perfect opening line? Is it normal to hate my life every time I start swiping? We're answering these questions and deep diving on everything dating apps -- profile pics, bios, opening lines, first dates, and even when to say Boy Bye and move on from a match. AND we're reading the best and worst pickup lines you've gotten on the apps. We're also catching up on Rayna's thriving social life and Ashley's recent wedding (complete with wedding speech tips). Hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @rayna.greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merch. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Native: Get 20% off your first purchase at nativedeodorant.com, use code GGE20. Away: Visit awaytravel.com and use promo code GGE to get $20 off a suitcase. HelloFresh: Get $80 off your first month at hellofresh.com/gge80 and use code GGE80. Ritual: Get 10% off your first 3 months at ritual.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That would piss me off if some guy had some insanely hilarious, dark, sarcastic profile. And if he wasn't like that in real life, I'd be like, who wrote this? I'd be fucking pissed. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back. It's our anniversary. Happy anniversary. To us.

Two years. Two years ago we met. We'll tell you about it in a minute. We'll tell you guys about it. I've been here for four and a half hour. Oh, my God. I rushed over here too. I was going to go to yoga at 5.30.

It is 6.30. So definitely not going to yoga, literally at all. Literally, at all. No more classes. I'm ready for another meal. I paused Euphoria, which I recently got into. Okay. Because after we did last week's, like, recommending documentaries and shows to people, people have flooded my inbox with new shows to watch.

Please don't do it. I love you guys. Don't do it. And I've watched some great stuff this week. I've watched Fleabag and the politician and Euphoria. Okay. Yeah. Flea Bag, I have a lot of thoughts.

I like it. I think she's incredible. Yeah. I'm not going to get into my whole rant about female leads. But anyway. I do like it. I do like her. I've heard, I'm sorry, is what I need to watch.

What's that? I don't know, a comedy. But, like, I was at this wedding, which we'll talk about that this weekend. A few people recommended it there. And then you guys, a few weeks, you guys DM me too.

So I'm sorry, I guess is the thing that people are like, you will love it. So that's next to my list. Okay, before we get to the episode, big announcement. I'm really excited. I can't believe I'm saying this.

We've worked. The reason why we roll these shows out for you guys so slowly is it was really important. It's obviously to get the perfect theater and the perfect night of the week for you guys. So we are announcing D.C. and Boston. We will be at the Lincoln Theater in D.C., January 11th, and we will be in Boston at the Wilbur Theater on January 25th.

So excited. I know. I feel really choked up. These theaters are stunning. Oh, they're the best. They're like iconic theaters. The Wilbur in Boston. I don't know much about the Lincoln.

I don't either. I mean, it's beautiful. I mean, I've never been there, but it just looks beautiful. I know. Moving on up. So guys, come get drunk. bring your girlfriends Saturday night out. Are they both Saturdays?

They're both Saturdays. Oh, shit. Our Saturday crowds are pretty, pretty lit. Maybe don't get so lit. I don't care. Live your lives, okay? Just keep your clothes on and be respectful. Yeah.

All right, we'll do another PSA later. Oh my God. That guy is naked. Get out of here. Where? Look over here. Look. Look.

Is he jerking off? No. He is fully naked and he's looking directly at us. Right on. She's waiting. He will not break the stair. What is what is he doing? Why is he naked in the window?

His dick is hard. Did you see that side, but boner from the side? No. What was that? I'm sorry, that was some voyeuristic shit. That guy came to the window naked to put his pants on with a boner. I feel like I should call the cops. Full lights on.

It's dark out, by the way. So you can see it on. Dick in the window. Florida's ceiling windows. That was shocking. That was wild. Call the cops. That is not okay. Also, on that note, I haven't seen a dick in a couple of weeks.

I'm into it. We are talking about dating apps today. We did another episode a while back with the founder of Hinge. I've done my Hinge ran. I'm not going to do it again. I'm going to do one. I'd like to apologize to everyone for that episode. Oh, God.

It's my fault. No. I tried to do a TED Talk with the founder of Hinge about like how he coded his app and I've ruined the episode and I'm sorry. One of my favorite podcast on Earth is called How I, built this. It's like a tech. Like they talked to founders of companies and you guys don't give a fuck about how he built this app. You're like, what profile photos do I use? I mean, some people like, whatever. Bottom line, he was also kind of low energy, great guy.

Yeah. But we knew when we did that episode that you guys really wanted the meat of like how do I create a great profile profile profile. I like you, you glanced at that guy's window and then set the meat. I'm looking. He's still in the home. Like he's moving around. Like that was a wild thing to do. Who in their right mind goes to the window naked to put on their pants and just stares out. the other, I mean, he's, that guy's in my building. He's in the other building.

Like, I, he's my neighbor. I think it's kind of, he's hot. He does look kind of hot. His body is nice. I don't know. I just like that you said the meat directly. Anyway, sorry. I said the word meat and then looked up.

It's like, are you sorry? We know what you guys want and we're here to give it to you. We feel like we do have the authority to speak on the subject from our own experiences, from all the guys that we have swiped with and we've done dating app stuff with you guys at the live shows. We know what works. We know what guys want. We know what girls want.

So we're here to share all of our knowledge and get you guys out there. We're back out there like Raina. Back on the streets. I also, I read a lot of articles in prep for this. Oh, whoa. Just like, I don't know that I gained that much insight, but I was one of the episodes I just like, let me see if there's statistics I can get like garner about like opening lines and stuff like that.

The reason why I was saying is because that guy like showed us his dick when we didn't want it. And that's what a lot of what happens on dated apps. It's like I'm on a dating. Guys are disgusting. I feel like I'm just on bump. as we speak. Right. Just a girl wrote in our Facebook page

last night, this guy was messaging with her. I think it was on Bumble. And he just kept asking to send her a dick pick. Like, she said no. And he was like, please. And he kept trying to convince her, can I please send you my dick? I think you're going to like it. And she was like, no, which is sexual harassment. Honestly, I responded in the Facebook group. And I said,

tell this guy to put down the dick pick and call a therapist. Like, this is not acceptable behavior. I was shocked by what you guys said. So we're going to wrap up the episode with your craziest, like, one-liner is dating app convos. The stuff you guys said this is wild. And it's not, I mean, I knew it was going to be a lot of just like dick pics and can

eat your pussy and stuff like that. But like, it is so much worse. But it's always, even stuff like that, we'll talk about it later. It's like, it's not okay. Like, report these people. Absolutely. It's predatory. It's crazy to me that like these guys were like sitting in an office.

Just had dinner with her mom last night. You kiss your mom with that mouth? Right. Where is your mother? What if your mom read the stuff you say to women? Also, I don't want to just shit on moms. Let's shit on dads too. What did your dad teach you about the way to treat women?

Yes, exactly. Where were your dad? Parents. Crazy. Anyway, we announced this new stupid live shows. Sorry that we went on a rant because we saw a dick through the window. But so stupidliveshows.com. Yeah.

Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. Click on shows and scoop those up. We have three shows left that still have tickets to Charleston that's available, a couple seats. That'll be a super fun show on a Thursday night or Saturday night. 30 night. Big theater and the Joy Theater in New Orleans on the 14th of November. That will be a Thursday night.

And we have like 150 tickets left for town hall. And that's it. We're sold out. All right. So stupidliveshows.com. Can't wait to see you guys. You guys were announced in 2020. More coming soon.

Doing it. Yeah, we're going to get February announced as soon as possible. So Cali, look out. West Coast. Okay. All right. Big week. I changed my Instagram handle.

You did it. Doing it. Growing up, if you guys don't know, if you didn't follow the podcast because of me before, if you're following because of Ashley or whatever, you just found it from a friend. I used to be like a food blogger, so that's why it was One Hungry Jew. And I just felt like it was like stupid and kitschy because I don't use it anymore. And so like I'd see like press articles about us and it'd be like, Ashley Hesleton and One Hungry Jew. And I'd be like, oh, this feels weird.

Yeah. So now it's just Raina.org. You can tag me. Don't tag at Raina Greenberg. She's lovely, but she's not me. Yeah. She's my age. She lives in New York City.

I know. Oh, really? PR girl? You should hunt her down. I know her. You know her? Yeah, she's a PR girl. She wouldn't give me that handle.

I didn't ask. She has quite a few thousand followers and a baby and a husband and, you know, it's a lot to maneuver. Yeah. Oh, you didn't even ask? No. You could have caught her on a bad day. She's like tired from having a baby. She's like, fuck it.

I can use the money. I'm like, bitch, why don't you change your last name when you married your husband? Give me this Instagram handle. Right. Crazy. Here's some diapers. Other Raina Greenberg, if you're listening, give me that handle. But yeah, Raina dot Greenberg.

Yes. And I'm still the same. of me. It is our anniversary. Happy anniversary. Two years. People ask us all the time how we met. I always say,

Ashley, you tell the story better, babe. I mean, I think you guys, I think we've said before that we met on a press trip in Aruba, maybe on this podcast. Sure. We talk about another podcast too, because obviously that's a question

we get asked a lot about our origin story. But yeah, and I think we did this in the Patreon. If you guys listened to the Patreon, which is now defunct for anybody who's curious, we did shut it down to focus more on this content. other stuff. But we did an episode where we told that whole story, and maybe we'll do it again on an episode here, but we're not going to tell a little story of how we started the podcast today, but it is the day that we met in 2017. We were in Aruba. We're on this press influencer trip

for the Aruba Marriott. And it was at this dinner on the beach. Like our toes were in the sand. It was so cheesy. And that's where we met. That's where we met. You know, do you remember the person we talked about? I was talking about my online store for One Hungry Joe about selling T-shirts for the holidays. And I was like, this is how you do it? Yeah. I was a pro. Yeah. You're a pro? A March pro.

And then we tried to crash a wedding that night. We had had this dinner. We were kind of lit. You know, we'd had like a bunch of wine flowing and a great meal. And we're like walking back into the hotel lobby to keep drinking. And we spotted a wedding. And we're just like, let's crash that wedding. And the bride kicked us out.

We got like flocked by the men at this wedding. It was also like the end of the wedding, I think. You know, it was like kind of closing down. The guys at the wedding came up to us and were trying to talk to us. And the bride, I've never seen. someone run so fast. It was like, absolutely not. She caught box like eight guys. Right. Because I want to take any number one of them up to my room.

Right. And it's like, hey, you have a man. What are doing? Leave us alone. Let us have some. Right. You already landed this. Yeah. Like these guys are at a wedding. They're trying to get laid. Let it happen. I'm trying to let them. Right. So that's how we met guys. And we came back and we started the podcast and that's it. So we are not lifelong friends. Two years today. Yeah. But I always say I really like that because I feel like when we are telling stories to each other. It's actually the first time that we're hearing them.

Just like what we're telling you guys, it's the first time you hear it. So I think that's fun. Yeah, I know. Like Raina sometimes just like, God, you used to be a drunk slut. I had no idea. I'm like, yeah, we're new or friends.

Yeah. Now I know, though. And he used to just be like, you know, what was I like? Sludy coke had. Sorry, crackette. I did a little crack. I did more coke.

Guys, do not do drugs. Or do them responsibly. I don't care. Just, you don't care of yourself. No, be responsible. And your teeth. Okay. Will you have, I want to talk about the wedding. The one that you were at? Yeah. Okay. Great. Let's talk about it. So I went to my best guy friend Rob's wedding. It was in Spokane, Washington. A lot of you, cuties were saying hi, that you live there, you're from there and gave me some recommendations. You told me where to go to yoga and where to eat. So that was great. Thank you so much. The wedding was really great. It was a full Catholic wedding because his family's pretty Catholic. And they're pretty conservative. And so, before the wedding.

I knew I was going to have to give a speech. I basically gave the best man speech. I gave a speech at the wedding. It was the fathers of the bride, a friend of the brides, and then it was me. So I was pretty much the best man. There was no bridal party or anything.

And so Ashley headlined the wedding. I headlined the wedding. I did it go last. But like a week before the wedding, I got this email of things I wasn't supposed to talk about because it's like conservative. And, you know, his sisters,

kids were there. But it was like no Catholic jokes, which are easy. no talk about drugs or no talk about Rob's love life before he met Allison and try not to curse. It was like, go light on the cursing and please try not to say fuck. I don't even know why you went. So I like opened the speech. The first thing I said, just I'll give you guys a snippet.

I'm not going to do the speech here. But right before me, Allison's friend Arnaldo had gone up. Do the speech. I've only been here for four and a half hours. I think I said. No, but he had gone up and done his speech. he's a gay man and he's her really close friend. And so he's basically the maid of honor, right?

And so I went up and I grabbed the mic and I was like, What's Up Spokane? Like I didn't like we do it with the live shows and they loved it because they were already laughing. They were like, they were loose. They were good crowd. And so I was like, what's up to McCain? And like, everybody lost it.

And I was just like, you know, I'm Ashley Heseltine and what, Rob's one of my very best friends. He's one of the most important people in my life. And I was like, I'm not going to get political here tonight. But I will say that the maid of honor speech was just done by a gay man and I'm the best man. And so if you don't think this was a progressive wedding, you know now. And, like, people loved it. And then I went right into saying, like, I got a list of stuff I wasn't about

why I wasn't allowed to talk about. I, like, addressed it. And I listed the stuff I wasn't all to talk about. And at this point, I was told that the kids were, like, brought out of the room by the grandparents. Like, they literally drug them out of there. Like, I was just going to start, like, cursing. And I don't know what they thought I was going to talk about.

I didn't talk about it. I love that you at least addressed it because it would be very unyue and on me to not at least walk up there and be like, Like, I just want to make it clear. Yeah. It turned out, though. Like, people, it went over very well. People were, like, coming up to me all night.

And then I went and I dedicated, I was like, I need to dedicate the speech to the one family member that couldn't be with us here tonight. And that is their dog, Jean-Luc, their poodle. People loved it. I got, like, a applause break for the dog. Like, I crushed it. I mean, whatever. But I talk for a live out of you. I do, I feel like I'd be nervous.

It's weird. I feel like I don't get nervous for our shows that are like, 1500 seats, but I'd be nervous for running speech. I was so nervous. because I was like, I don't, you know, I thought that I was like, I just don't want to bomb, you know, but it was great, like, laughs the whole time. I was like really happy. But, you know, it wasn't about me. It was about them. And they are a wonderful couple. I love them so much. The wedding was perfect. The weekend, the whole weekend was perfect. There was food at every turn, which is all Rob wanted for people to be well fed and snacks the whole time. So it was great. But something else I did want

to discuss wedding related is wedding speeches. And this is not prompted by this wedding. This wasn't like, oh my God, the speeches were so bad. I have to rant on them. Not at all. I'm just midway between two wedding weekends. Weddings are on my mind. Speeches are on my mind. And we've all been there. We've seen bad speeches. I want to give some tips and some dues and adults. So strap in. I feel like you can jump in here too, obviously. I'm just listening. I'm here for it. Okay. The things that people do wrong. First of all, length. I think mine was like, I think it was a little bit longer than I thought. I think it was like four minutes. Unless you are the father of the bride. Yeah. Don't be out of here with stapled papers. Braina, I'm so glad you said that. If I have seen

people bring a page turner up there. Yeah, no. I've seen a maid of honor come up with somebody who would turn her pages of her stapled eight and a half by 11 sheets of paper, probably single space. If you haven't paid for this wedding or birthed a person that is getting married today, get the fuck out of here with your stapled pages of paper. Yeah, exactly. If you do not pay for this wedding.

I just, I think that people do it totally wrong. And I always think open with something lighthearted, get people on your side. not everybody's a comedian, but if you can say something self-deprecating or something with a little bit of humor, when someone starts with the day I met Jennifer, I'm like, stop, put the bike down. I didn't even get a drink before this started. God damn it. And I think the thing that people do wrong the most, I made a couple notes about this, is all inside jokes. Stop it.

I just think that you have to be aware of the fact that people have like stopped their evening. They're not dancing. They're like, they don't have their drink. I don't want to sit here and listen to inside jokes for 15 minutes. That is where people go totally. wrong. I think there's two things at hand here. First of all, you just don't know your audience and you somehow think this is all about you and the person that you know in the wedding. If you have to say you had to be there, don't say it. Just don't alienate a room of 200 people. But like, crazy. That's the

rule. If you're thinking of a story that you want to share and you want to be like, you had to be there, don't say it. We don't want to hear it. It's so weird. It's so true. I think people want to flex on how much they know the bride or groom. Yeah. I think they want to share all these memories. People are not here for it. They don't care about it. Also, it's a fucked up story. Tell the story. I want to hear a fucked up story. Well, yeah, like, I think it's also, like, I think what people also go wrong is, like, they want to make it about them.

And I think there's a way to be, like, Raina is my best friend. She's been there for me my whole life. And then there's like, when this thing happened to me and you share the story, like you just want sympathy. Like, people try to make the speed. They get a mic in their hand and they want to make it about them. If you're bringing up you and your husband,

why did you just bring up you and your husband? I've seen Made of Honor speeches. When me and Tom met, like, why are you, talking about yourself and your marriage. They just want to make it about them. I can't stand it. My brother's best men tag teamed this speech. I swear to God, like the drugs were off.

That's how long the speech was. Ashley's laughing silently. She thought it was funny. Sorry, I didn't know you actually said that. The drugs were off. And also, also just at the end of the day, like if you want to share every single memory and every single thing you've ever felt about this person

your entire life, like write in my car. Like, people don't want to hear it. They just don't. It's about the couple. It's not about you and how well you know the bride of the group. and we get it. You're their best friend, you're their siblings.

That's why you're a maid of honor. Right. We get it. The second you stood up and got a mic in your hand, people know you're close with them. We do not need the entire history of your relationship and inside jokes and it's seven minutes long.

What are you literally doing? And it's also about the couple. You know what I mean? Like I tried in my speech to make it so much about Robin Allison. Like I talked about the first time I, he told me about her and like how I knew she was special. I had like a joke about it. And like one of the first times,

I saw them together and saw them laughing and, like, realize that I thought that they were going to be a great match. And, you know, it's just like, I think remember it's not about you. It's about the couple. The inside jokes, nobody cares. Keep it short if you bring someone up there to turn the page, set the fuck down. I agree. But I'm glad that you had such a special weekend.

And we talk about them a lot. So, yeah, congratulations to them. They met on a dating app. So it's perfect for us to talk about dating apps today. Oh, that's true. Yeah, it can work. And while you were away while mom was out of town, I really, I hit the town. Okay.

I was really, I really were out in these streets. Yeah, I was just hitting the streets. Well, I know I promised you guys last week I was going to get on dating apps and I have. But I also got invited to all these things and I was like, okay, I'm saying I'm going to like meet guys. I'm going to go meet guys. Like Friday night we were at Soho House for like five hours, met a bunch of guys. Yeah. Also, I went to a party on Saturday night with like a whole ocean full of guys.

I just, I hit the streets. Okay. I just think that like you should, we always like promote like how do you meet guys in the wild. Like say yes. Just go. Just say yes to everything. Yeah. never know. I had a ton of fun this weekend. I did a bunch of shit. I went to New York

Times Wyden Food Festival. That was great. I met a guy that Jeremy told that I don't like dogs and then he just walked away. Raina. I don't not like dogs. He was just trying to flex and make fun of me. Okay. Well, you need to clarify to the audience. Yeah. So what happened was I met this really hot guy and I'm talking to him and I got a text message from our friend Lindsay that said, come to this party later. There's going to be a lot of people and a ton of dogs. And Jeremy goes, you're not going to like that. You don't even like dogs. Right in front of this guy. And this guy just stopped talking and walked away.

I'm just, here's the thing with me and dogs. I'm five feet tall. I don't know what to do with big dogs. I just get scared and I don't know what to do. I need little dogs. That's what I like. I like a small dog. And you don't want to pick up shit. Okay. Also, I don't want to touch a turn ever.

Raina did take Dewey out. So Dewey has a sitter that stays with him at the house. I feel like if you guys are curious, feel like you're always in the road. Oh my God. You're a bad mom. I'm an amazing mom to Dewey. His sitter that comes and stays in this home with him is a vet assistant. She's incredible.

She can do more for him than I ever could if something goes wrong. But she had to work all day like seven to seven. So I needed someone to take him out of the afternoon. I thought I was going to have another girlfriend do it. Turns out of town. So I was like desperate to find somebody. And so I texted Raina and I said, hey, you're literally the last person I've asked.

Can't make this more clear. Literally the last person. I would never ask you to do this ever. Just because you're small and you're not a dog person. That's what I mean. What am I going to do with a giant dog? You're the same size. So I said, Raina, just let him out into the courtyard, let him pee, bring him back in. Caitlin will be back at like 6 or 7 p.m. And I saw you on the streets. You were around the quarter. I said, bitch, go home. This skateboard goes by. You're dead.

You're both dead. And then do we attack somebody? I have to put him down. You were in my life. The podcast is over. Go home. I said, go home. You've done enough. She was like, I'm out trying to meet guys. I'm like, absolutely not. Take him home. I forgot on Sunday. I talked him to me, guys. He wanted to pee on everything. He couldn't stop. He wanted to pee on every wall on these streets. He just is so strong. Like he's 80 pounds, 83.

And he is so strong. Yeah, he saw a dog that he wanted to attack. And he like dragged me. Right. Yeah, I can't handle him. But thank you so much. That's such a good friend thing to do. But again, yeah, I should be the last person you ever ask.

I'll never have it to go. Proud of you for knowing. I just can't picture you even walking him. He's your size. I didn't know, like, do I talk to the dog while I do it? Or do I like, do I just like, let him do his thing. Do I like drag him? Like, I've never walked a dog.

I just have a foreign few. I've never walked a dog. See, this is why I'm, you were the last person. I've never walked a dog. I don't have to do it with a dog. Like, oh my God. I just, I can do people. I just can't do. I just don't know what to do with it. Yeah. Do you talk to it while you walk it? Do I talk? What? No, I don't look like a crazy person. I'm not walking on the street

talking to do it. Not like a conversation, but are you like, yeah. When he poops, I'm like, good boy. Or if he does stuff, I'd say, good boy. Right. I wanted all to do stuff, like, around the hot guys that were around me to flex, like, it was my dog. So I wanted to, like, say things. Like, it was, like, an inside joke between me and Dewey. Like, oh, you always like to pee here or do.

Like, you know, guys would think it was my dog. You were trying to talk really loud just to get attention. Just to flex. They're like, I can tell. That girl's never watched a dog before. Touched a dog leash, literally. Never. I've ever been in a scenario where I've walked a dog before.

In my 30s, never walked a dog. And your first four-a and a dog. walking is an 83 pound giant strong dog. Crushed it. We nailed it. It's just good. Well, you post that Instagram story. I was like, oh my God.

She's out on the street. She's like, go home. I wanted to keep you contained in between the buildings and you just totally went rogue. Your building is so fancy. I didn't want him to pee on anything. He's not supposed to, but I mean, it's better than just, you know, dying, murdering a skateboarder. Yeah. Yeah.

But anyway, I would be the last time we do it. Is that all we talk about for the intro? So. Okay. All right. Okay. So we're talking about dating apps. today. I have updated all of my apps, the league, Hinge, Bumble, Raya. I've updated everything. I'm

out here on the streets. I'm ready. Okay. Well, I'm in here on the couch is basically how I am. But you're swiping. I'm swiping because I just decided, you're active. Not going to put any pressure on it. Don't care. Just like want a little bit of mail attention. Um, so I just like picked a message and I sent it out to everybody and I got, um, no. So Hinge I started. Here's the update. Hinge. I probably sent like 10 funny jokes, like personalized joke about like what their prompts. I got no responses. What? Zero on Hinge.

Oh, like, okay, gotcha. I tried to like pick up place that they were at or like one of the prompts that they did, like make a funny joke about it. No responses to any of that. I also feel that people on Hinge were all trash. So sorry if you're a man, you're on Hinge. I didn't like it. Bumble, I really liked.

Okay. I cast a wide net and I got responses to like 90% of the people I messaged. Oh, really? Yes. Interesting. Uh-huh. All I said was, how's your day going? How's your day going?

I asked you how you think of it. Yeah. How's your day gone? Okay. And I got responses to like 90%. Here's where I went wrong. Okay. I would only use that line before like four or five p.m.

Because I sent it to a bunch of people like nine o'clock at night and a bunch of dudes just were like sent me their numbers and were like, come over. Like I got a bunch of really gross, nasty stuff. No dickpicks. But just like, be better if you were here. Yeah. That's such an interesting thing. Wrong time of night.

you get some crazy shit. Wrong time of night. Which you never should. Again, like, I can't stress this enough. Like, I think we're going to make some jokes and stuff and talking about gross stuff that guys do. It's not okay. It makes me sick.

And it's like, there's guys that do that and there's guys that don't. And the guys that do that are like guys that you should be scared of in general. Like, those are the guys that don't understand consent. You know what I mean? Like, it's crazy. I just, I want to understand what you think that. I mean, clearly the goal is not to actually make it happen because you know when you send a girl like, I wish you were just here,

so I could eat your pussy. You know that's never got to happen. So the goal has to just be that you get off on making somebody else feel violated or uncomfortable or like a piece of meat, right? Like that has to be the goal that you enjoy masturbating to thinking I just disrespected a female. Yeah, I can't understand it. What's the point? And I think, I mean, I'm pretty sure, like, you know, there's definitely a line,

but like I think something you feel like crosses the line, you can report it. These apps, they don't want these people, these men on there. Like, I think Hinge and Bumble, like, Bumble, you know, was founded by women and Hinge, we had Justin McLeod on. And they don't want this trash on their apps. You should absolutely report these people. It's disgusting. So anyway, report these people, but, and you shouldn't be made to feel like because you were

out here, like, sending cute, Adora. Some people do want that. I'm sure there's a lot of females that go on these apps and they do just want to fuck. And that's great to do that. But you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable and small. And I felt like weird about it. Yeah. I was like, it's disgusting.

It's disrespectful. It is. It felt really gross. Ew. Gross. But yeah, I'm out there. I fully will commit. I went out a lot this week, but I'll fully commit to actually.

to actually go on these dates this week while moms away. All right. Oh, yeah, I'm going to again, another one in this weekend. So we're going to break down your profiles for you, your photos, the prompts, opening lines, and then first dates. Because you guys have asked about that and we think it's just like a cool topic. Dating apps. Yes.

Jumping in. Okay. So we want to start with photos. Sure. Let's start with photos. Right out of the gate. You don't need anyone else in your photos. Absolutely not.

Like I don't want any other people in my photos. I don't want a man. That's my brother or that you could think is my boy. or my ex-boyfriend, I don't want any of my girlfriends in there, because God forbid, you think they're better looking than me. I don't need my family in there. Like, the only person, I think I have one photo that's got Dewey in it and we'll get to animals. That's part of the photo. That's part of the talking points, too. I mean, I get it if you're like, I don't have a lot of photos of myself. So get some taken. Like, we're all out here hanging out with our girlfriends

all the time. You don't need to stand in the middle of a crowded street and get some like crazy, risky influencer picture. But have your friends take pictures of you. We all do this. Absolutely. Get on a city bike. If you're athletic, get on a city bike, have your coworker take a photo if you want a city bike. But like at, you're at brunch. You know, the lighting hits, like, you have a mosa in your hand or you're like, you know, sitting in front of your entree for brunch. You're sitting across from your girlfriend. Have her take a photo of you. Right. And there's no stigma about dating apps anymore. So it's not weird to be like, can you take some bumble photos for me? Right. You know, I couldn't agree with you more. I thought about this a lot.

I think that the implication is like I want to show people. I'm fun. And I have friends. You'll, you'll, they'll know. Do you let them know on a first date? You'll let them know your friends. That's not. Do you think people think like that? No, a group photo. Friends implies group photo. Nobody wants a group photo. You don't know which person it is. When it's three people that I'm disappointed, it's not the one that I wanted.

Right. Like I think that is my number one rule with photos. No one else in them. The exception is this, if it's like, you're like, that is the best picture I have of me. But I mean, still, if it's with another girl,

like I hate to say this, we're all being shallow and abs, it's based on looks for the most part. If a guy sees a picture of you and your friend and he thinks she's hotter, you're already, this guy that you might go on a day with already thinks your friend is hotter than you. That's crazy.

that's not the foot you want to start on. I agree. I want to ask you what you think about this, because this, I think I see a lot. Photos with other people's kids, a nephew, which is typically, I'd say like 90% of the time it's a nephew. I don't want any kids either. You don't. Like, I think I'm not, I'm not exing or swiping left because of it. Like I'm also, these are all things that we recommend. We're not saying that they're deal breakers. I only have a few deal breakers with men and it's like a shirtless selfie. But we're just telling you how to get the best reaction. To me, I don't see the point of kids. Like if I see, especially, you know, I'm dating guys in their 30s.

Like if I see a guy with a photo with a kid, I need to go to his thing to see if that's his kid. And every single time it's always proceeded with not my kid or my sister's kid. It's like, if you had to put an explanation, you have, what, three seconds to catch my attention. Right. Don't make me click on a thing and read a thing. Yeah, exactly. And that's your kid. If it's your kid and your kid's important to you, then put photos your kids on there all day long.

Oh, for sure. Yeah. It's like, if you're like, I want to lead with my child. absolutely. But I mean, I think men are getting better because I want to speak to, I want to keep this episode mainly female focus, but I know we have male listeners and I'm sure they, I don't want to just exclude them. But like, I think men have a little bit harder time with asking their friends to take pictures of them. But like most guys that I know get their girlfriends to do it. Like Alexis and Gina, like they're always taking pictures of their guy friends at their parties

for their dating apps. Yeah. Like get your men, get your women friends to help you out with this. Like we know what we like and vice versa. Like I've, Rob has always looked. in my pictures and be like, absolutely don't do this one. One thing I did weirdly when I first started dating apps was I had some funny picture of me as a kid and he was like, this is fucking creepy. Why would you do this? I'm like, you're right. Pictures of you as a kid is fucking weird. Never do it. Oh, that's fucking weird.

I know. Sorry, it's funny. I don't know. Well, okay, here's what I think about photos. I think that everything you should put in a dating app should be something that, and we got this from Justin McLeo from Hedge, it should always be a conversation starter, everything you put on there. So whether it's a photo of you in a cool place with your pet, a cool trip, maybe you do something crazy for your job, you like to skateboard or whatever it is you like to do,

they should invite conversation. And I don't know what conversation the childhood stuff is going to invite. Unless maybe it's like a funny Halloween costume. Yeah, I think if it's, it's also just, it feels weird. It's like, I feel like in some people's head, they're like, I just swiped on a seven-year-old. A couple dues and don'ts before we move into like the conversation piece, no filters.

Never do this. A filter? I just don't do anything that's not, like you. It's not fair that you walk into a bar to meet a person. and you don't look like you. Right. But like it's just also just like I've heard men say this.

Like I can't believe girls are out here. Why is a picture on their dating app, them and the dog filter? Like we get it. It makes you look prettier. But even the one that's like the subtle one, just don't do it. Absolutely.

Also just selfies in general. Why are we doing this? Like people want to see what you look like in full. One of my things on my hinge is a boomerang, which is saying to people, this is what my body actually looks like. Because I think people were shallow women, men too. I want to know what your body looks like.

I want to know if you're tall. I don't want to get the six pack. but I just want to see what I'm working with physically. And so I think people edit their photos a lot these days. So for me, I'm just like, here's a boomerang. It's a video. I guess you could still edit a boomerang. I don't know how.

But it's like, this is my actual body. And most of mine, I think also one close up, no sunglasses, face shot, and one full body shot of just you. Those are the two things you have to have in your profile. I think four photos is great. I think you do the close up face shot, one body shot, and two things that'll invite conversation. Here's me out of vacation.

please stop. Can we stop with the tiger photos? No more tigers. And like we've done some, we talked about some of this. Like with Kate Kennedy, I think, we, but we can rehash. We did kind of do this. We talked about day naps with her. Yeah. If you're really into hunting and fishing and you want a girl to appreciate that, go ahead and do that. It's not for me. Guns aren't for me either. But across the board, like the Thailand tigers now. Yeah. And we, and apparently elephants. Elephants are also really bad to. Also, also just to your point, when we say close at face shot, we don't mean a fucking headshot. Just make sure they can see your face with.

sunglasses in some way, shape, or form. I don't need a close-up of my face or anybody else. I just want to see that I can see your face. Absolutely. So I love that. Close-up, body shot, two other things of you doing something cool. You're on a trip. You're in Florence or wherever. I forget if it was Justin or somebody else, something I read. Not a ton of photos of you drinking. Yeah. I know that a lot of people have photos themselves on vacation and parties and things like that and you do typically have it. I would limit it's like one photo or you have a drink in your hand. It's just a weird thing to me to have like a more than one photo with you with a drinking your hand?

Yeah, I mean, I guess it just depends. There's like a party pick that you're drunk and you're drinking and there's you have a glass of wine. I don't know. I think maybe, I don't know, I probably hit points in my life where I randomly had drinks of my hand in two photos, but they were like a glass of wine.

I was like subtle. I wasn't like partying. I think there's a difference between like a glass of wine in your hand is on vacation and yeah, your like tits are out in New Orleans on Mardi Gras. Animals are great. People respond to Dewey a ton. If you have a dog,

I mean, we had somebody one time when we were doing this on a segment that we used to do at our live shows that she had all these pictures with like this dog that was on her. She stole someone's dog. And she had a dog. And she had a dog. Yes. She had like her dog wasn't worth it. Austin. I want to say Austin. But maybe Austin was the story where the girl fucked in the dog bed. I can't remember all the dog stuff. I get a lot of dogs stuff. But I love that. A pet all day long. If you're athletic, if athlete and like being an athlete is athlete. If dressing atleisure. If athleticism and working out is really important to you, picture of yourself on a hike, on a bike, like whatever, things that are important to you. I love it. And like, I don't think there's anything too basic when it comes to travel.

Like, I think people are like, oh, we've all been to Florence, whatever. A, no, not everybody has, but like, even the most basic of basic travel pictures, like, still do it because it's maybe somewhere that person has been that they can talk to you about or somewhere they want to go. Like, I don't think you in front of any landmark is too basic. I think anything in that invites conversation. I think 100% animals except for sedated animals in Thailand. And I love that you said athletic.

Like I personally am not really turned on by a guy crossing the finish line in an Ironman, but some women want that. Yep. So if that's who you are as a person and you are an Iron Man or a Marathoner and you want somebody similar, post that pick. That's the conversation starter. And I think a lot of people are like, I don't want to be too, we'll talk about this in the profiles also, but I don't want to be too much of X, like this thing.

I don't want to scare people off because I want to cast a wide net. And I disagree. I think the opposite. I think you should lead with the things that are the most important to you. And you will catch the people that are important. Those things are important to them. Right. Like I am probably not swiping on a guy who's posting photos of himself,

crossing a marathon line and doing a tough mutter. Because I would never do those things. And I don't want somebody that fitness is like 100% of their life. They go to the gym every day. That's probably just not my person. Yeah. And you should know that up front. Right. Absolutely. And that's the thing.

Like I would hate if like some guy had all these like normal pictures and then he like went hun every day. I'm like, I wish you would have had a picture with a fucking deer corpse because that I would know. Absolutely. With the guitar. If you play music. Oh yeah. I love that idea. If you're musician, show that. Oh, one thing, let me just bring this up because I will say the most, the most, and I've talked about this, I think on an episode, the most guys ever like on my hand just me of that picture. It's at our Philly show and I'm standing in my hands in the air and I'm wearing a sports. Sixers jersey. Yes.

Here's the thing. Always be authentic. That is the across the board, the theme of this. If you hate sports, do not post a picture having to do with sports. I love Philly. I like Philly sports. I was wearing a jersey. I can speak on it enough.

And guys loved it. It was the most conversation starters and the most guys that ever liked me. But the problem was that the Sixers were in the playoffs. And I swear to God, some guys just wanted to talk about the Sixers. So you run that risk. If you're wearing a jersey or showing that you're on some sports game and that team is in the news for whatever reason and they're hot, you could run the risk of a guy just wanting to talk about the team. So many guys. I should be so scarves. I don't agree with her. I think they were just

flirting with you. You do not agree with her. These conversations went nowhere. They kept talking about the game. Are you watching the game? They went nowhere. These guys, I wanted them asked me out. And I could tell they were not trying to ever meet me. They wanted to talk about the sports, maybe jerk off and go to bed. But that specifically, if you are into sports and there's a way to show that off in your city. Like, I like a guy that is in his Philly sports teams because, like, that's kind of my home area. And so it's a turn on to me that they would have some sort of draw to Philly, Delaware, whatever

anyway. So, like, if you love some sports team college, otherwise, whatever it is, like, and you show that off, like, you're going to track. That's the conversation starter of all conversations starters. I love that sports. I mean, if you're, I like what you said also, if you're not a sports fan, don't right. Don't do it.

Like, if you don't know enough to, like, be dangerous, don't do it. But like, I'm a huge Steelers fan. I spend every Sunday in a bar with friends watching Steelers games. I would love to be with a person that would enjoy. I would enjoy that. So, yeah, like, such a cute picture. You would be like something that has Steelers. And they're like, guys, they're going to comment.

Uh-huh. I love this. Great. Face shot. And I think there's somewhere, it's the number one photo that people want on a dating profile is like you just like smiling, no sunglasses. Like they can see your whole face. Yeah.

A full body shot. Something you can comment on. I say no other friends in the whole thing. Absolutely not. No friends. No reason for. Although sometimes I like seeing your family because I'm like, your dad's hot and he's got his hair. Okay.

Maybe I'm going to send this. You're at a wedding with your family. Your parent. It's clearly your parent. Right. Not like your ex-girlfriend. Right. Because I don't even like a sister because I'm like, okay, but is that your ex-girlfriend?

Well, I hate when I see another girl next to you. Another girl. I need to dig. Also, I hate when men have photos with other girls. And they're like, just my friend. It's like the only thing I don't hate. I don't like that. again, I think, not saying it's fair, I think the bar is lower for men in their photos.

They're not out here kind of doing the stuff that we do. They're getting better at it. But like for me with men, I just want to see what you look like. And I am not turned off if a guy has this photo. I've seen this before. I don't hate it when it's like them with clearly an ex or clearly someone else and they cross them out. I don't care. That's funny. I think it's funny. I just want to see what you look like. I think a car selfie is a huge mistake. I'm exing out of you right away like a mere selfie. Like I've seen guys. I'm just like, no one could take a picture of you. No one? Why are we, you know that somebody at our shows yelled out that guys that do car selfies are all cheating. Because they're all married. Somebody at our show is like, that's, that is key. That's like, that's like code for they're married. Because like, why are they in a car taking a photo?

And I'm like, that doesn't, they can be married and take a photo in a kitchen. I don't know. But it's a weird. Who's like, let me get in my car to do this? You could do it in the kitchen. Oh, my God. At your desk, at a restaurant. No other place you can take a selfie with your car.

It's so crazy. Do in your bathroom anywhere. God, you gotta get that car content. Oh, if you're, you want to, you know what? Speaking of that, if you're big on cars, post picture. You and front of your car. Absolutely. Sit on the hood.

Be cute. Or your airplane. Or your yacht, you know? Live your truth. Okay. Are we wrapping pictures? Ever and after. We feel good about picks.

I feel good about picks. I feel like we've given some good information. Okay. Okay. Profiles. I would guarantee this is probably the point at which people are like, I don't want to do this. this anymore.

Creating the profile? Yes, they open up the dating app and they're like, I don't want to do this. And they just stop because it's so stressful writing like that like two-sentence bio. But it's gotten so much easier because I didn't realize this because I haven't been on Bumble in a long time. And Bumble now basically does the prompts that

hinged it. Hinge does. They're not as like robust and fun. Like I don't love them. They're not. They're not. But they're there. They're there. Yeah, if you need them. And you don't need to write a profile in Bumble anymore. You can if you want to. Right. But I love what Bumble is doing also. It's at the top of the screen. There's just like a bunch of little things like drinks, smokes, wants a relationship, religious, whatever. A hinge has

it too, but it's very easy on Bumble. Right. But I think a lot of people are like, I don't know what to write. I mean, it's guys, let's be honest. Like, it's based on someone's looks. It's based on their looks. And like, I look at those other things too. I mean, Hinge, if they're funny, I can tell and if they have the same sense of humor as me, I can tell. But if I don't find them physically attractive, I'm not swiping on that. Right. I love all the other stuff, though. I love the, I mean, don't, you guys heard my Hinge ran on height, like whatever. I'm looking at height. I'm looking at the drinking drugs

smoking thing. I'm looking at Hinge. If you say you want kids, you're not probably for me because if you felt like that was so important to actually write, I want kids, it's probably not going to work because I don't want kids. Stuff like that matters more, but we still want to tell you guys how to like do the, basically the reason for the prompts

and the good profile is to open up the conversation. Like that's the whole point. Absolutely. You get to know someone when you go out with them or you text with them or whatever. The point is to set yourself up to get people to talk to you. So that's what we're talking about. Right. So I think one of the first things that is really important is to say to yourself, what makes me unique? Pick two or three things. Do I love exercise? Do I love sports? Do I love traveling? What makes me different than other people?

And I would lead with those things. And I have a girlfriend that just went through a breakup. And she said, like, I don't know if I want to say that I'm a vegan on this app because I don't want to like scare guys way. I have mixed feelings about eating habits because those aren't really a deal breaker. but like if you're super into music and you love going to live music three nights a week, like I would lead with that kind of stuff. Yeah, but if you only want to date a vegan, put it. Absolutely. Like if you don't, then don't.

Like I think one of the worst things that I see in profiles, and I've seen this in everybody's profile, it's, you know, things that make me happy. Coffee, sunshine, my family and my friends, the outdoors, I will never talk to that person. If it is a list of things that just, like, it's like congratulations. You're alive. It's three words. Don't be basic. You are interesting in some way.

You're passionate about something. That's what you put in your profile. If you wake up every morning, you listen to four podcasts on the way to work. Put that. Put the podcast. Here's the four podcast. But girls got any podcasts.

Advertise for us. We've heard this a ton of times that girls have put that in their day-knat profiles and like the guy asked about it or we've heard a lot of stories about this. Yes. I love listing podcasts. I would, if you're really into books, list the last couple books that you wrote,

movies. Whatever your hobbies are, list those things. I am never swiping on coffee, Sunshine and Family Guy. Right. I'm not doing it. I just, I'm not interested in that person.

And there's nothing, I mean, it depends on how hot it is, but whatever. If you look like me, you need to craft a better profile. No, but I mean, also none of the prompts

that I have chosen on Hinge are what I like in life. Like, I'm picking the funnier ones and like the ones that I can be sarcastic. I mean, personally, what I've had since day one and what I get the most comments on

is, I'll read it for you guys. I might have said it during the Hinge episode, but again, no offense if you guys didn't listen that to all or turned it off. So it says, first of all, I'll just read mine. My answers are my love language. I might change this for the winter, but mine says my love language is air conditioning. Tons of guys comment on that all the time.

There are so many guys are hot. Guys get hotter than girls. So many guys have been like same. Oh my God, air conditioning. What I order for the table. It's not that funny actually, but I like it. What I order for the table? Mine says fries and or guac.

What else is there? And then pet peeves. I've had this since day one on my hinge. It says all caps. People who talk on speakerphone in public, oh my God. And that is the number one thing that people comment on. Because I love to bond with people over stuff that we hate. They had a dating app like that for a while bonding.

I don't forget what it was called. I don't know if it really ever took off. But it was literally like people bonding over their hate, like dislikes. Like you can speak on this a little bit more of like the line of it being too aggressive, I guess. We talked about this yesterday. Like I about negativity on dating apps. And like we've talked to some girls at live shows where we look at their profiles and like make them over.

which we used to do. And there's a fine line between being funny and snarky and being negative. And it's really a bad look. Yeah, if you're coming across aggressive and negative, listen, if that's who you are as a person and you were trying to weed people out, live your truth always. Like, if you're like, this is who I am and this is why I want to have my dating app, do it.

Like, don't listen to us. But I think negativity and aggressiveness and like coming across is just, you're just not going to get a lot of matches from that. And like people just pick up on that. So I personally though, like pet peeves is probably my favorite prompt on all the apps because I can just get a feel for somebody like what do you hate. Tell me what you hate. Let's talk about this. Let's bond over this. That's an easy way to be funny also. And I think if you're not sure how something sounds, hand your profile to a friend and say you read this, tell me how it sounds. Yeah. Because sometimes I think something has one tone, but like it doesn't have that tone to a person who's not in my head with my rationale. Right. And I think that like some people just leave with like some negativity or like being really aggressive and. Nobody wants that. I don't want that. Right. And I also think, again, be authentic. Like, if someone came to me, if a girlfriend came to me and she was like, you're funny, I'm not funny. Can you do my dating app? I'd be like, no, I'm not going to comedy catfish somebody. Like, I'm not going to write a bunch of

funny, snarky, sarcastic things and then they meet you and that's not who you are as a person. But I am going to tell you that this is basic and you're cooler than this. So let's work on this in your tone. That would piss me off. If some guy had some insanely hilarious, dark sarcastic profile and he wasn't like that in real life, I'd be like, who wrote this? I'd be fucking pissed. So be how thinking you are, but like, yeah, I just, I think like don't be basic and we aren't, so don't appear to be that way. Comedy is my favorite thing, like, on a profile.

And if you're not funny, then I'm probably not swiping on you. You're not my person. But we talk about this in, you're not the one episode. Like, that's my number one thing. You have to be funny. We can't date. Right. Like, you absolutely need to be funny.

I don't love, I don't mind a dad joke. I don't love puns, but that's just like a me thing. Yeah. That's a one size fits one. None of this is like gospel or the Bible. Like, I don't know. You might catch somebody on a day and they like it that day. They don't like it the next day.

I think show what you're passionate about. Show what makes you interesting. Keep it positive. Unless it's like a funny pet peeve type of situation. One thing I think that you should steer clear of is the tone that's like, I don't know what the tone is. It comes across like. Boasting?

Huh? Boasting? No, no, no. It comes across like, I've been burned. Like it comes across like, no guys like this. No guys like this. Must be this height. Like do it if you want to.

It makes me cringe. looking for a guy that's this, this, and this. If a guy ever says, like, I'll be blank, you be blank. I'm like, nope. I don't want this, like, can you, I want you to be this certain person or like, I'm looking for this. It's, I don't, I don't like it. I feel wildly turned off that people use the five sentence in their profile to be like,

don't be this, this, this and this. But you be this, this, this and we'll get along. And it's like, it feels oddly aggressive to me. Yeah. I don't, it's like, me, smart, kind, funny, you. Like, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. I really don't like it. controlling man too. It feels very, it's just like not my type of guy that would write a thing like that. I also believe, and you say, like, show people, I would like show, don't tell. Like, I don't like people that are like really

boasty in their profiles. Like, I don't know how to describe it. It's like, you don't have to say like I'm a, I've been to 35 countries in the last year, like, show me a photo of you on the gray wall of China. Right. And I'll know that you are a unique traveler. Right. And I think it's just like, maybe that's a bad example. Travel's not a good thing.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. No, if it seems braggie, I don't want it. It seems bragging. What's the point? Like, I don't want anybody that's, yeah, it's like, I don't need your, like, highlight reel. Like, I'll get to know you in the date. Like, why don't, give me some conversation starters here.

Like, oh, no, I was just looking at Hinge right now. Like, I know the best spot in town for, that's a great one to open up a date. Like, if a guy, if it's like, I know the best spot in town for tacos just to, you know, keep it general. Like, that's the number one thing someone's going to comment and be like, what is it, show me. Let's go out. Like, anything that you have, like, insideer knowledge of and things like that,

I think people really likes, just stuff that makes you unique. I mean, Hinge sets it up for you so easily. Like, ask yourself, is there a conversation to be had about this? Right. Would I respond to this and have a conversation? Absolutely. Like, that's the whole point. It's just writing stuff that shows who you are that people can communicate with you about.

I just think, like, keep it light, keep it fun, keep it easy. You don't need to list your whole life and all your accomplishments. I think people just get really tripped up. The fact of the matter is men aren't swiping on you if they don't think you're attractive. Like, your profile could say almost anything. It's true. Like, men, if you don't, if you don't get their dick hard, they're not swiping on you.

They look at you and they think you're good looking and then maybe they'll read one sentence that you do. They just, it's not that deep. Like, you don't need to like flex for a bunch of strangers. Right. I love, like, the air conditioning is very funny. You're not out here being like, I've visited every restaurant in the East Village and I'm a foodie and I know everything.

It's like, I just like, I just take me somewhere with air conditioning. Right. I think less is more personally. Like, I think the less wordy, like we've seen someone we used to do this at our shows that I was like, whoa. Like, it's like when you see a giantly long text or something, it's just like, it's too much too soon. Like, if you're some prolific writer and you're a poet

and you need to have like the wordiest thing because you want someone on your same page, but like, why is it five sentences? I read this thing. I was reading like stats about like what converts well. And they said keep it less than 18 words that people probably have more than 18 words. Nobody is responding to their messages.

I'm immediately like, please stop talking. You're annoying me. How are you annoying me? I don't even know you. Like it's too much. you can really show who you are in less words, I think. Yeah, less words, keep it light, keep it easy. I'm just like looking at one right now.

The hallmark of a good relationship is laughter and honesty. Yeah, duh. Duh. What am I going to say to that? That's what I mean. The coffee and sunshine thing, nobody's going to read that and think that's my person. And then this guy, also my greatest strength is my sarcasm. I don't believe you.

No guy that's like, laughter. I'm like, I don't know. This girl sent us. My simple pleasure is coffee in a novel. Oh my God. Yeah, it's called being alive. This girl said as a slide show. She screenshot 18 different dudes profiles, and all of them, the prompts were, I am competitive

about. And the answer for all 18 was everything. They all said everything. All of them said everything. Who is swiping yes on that? I cannot. Let's debate. This is a good one.

Let's debate this topic. Oh, that's my favorite one. Saturday night is the worst night to go out. That's genius. It's because I want to date that guy. Let's debate this topic. I mean, I guess you could start a political debate, but like keep it light on that too.

Like, let's literally it's like, Hinge and I guess now Bumble are teening you up for conversation. Take advantage. I couldn't agree more. These are funny. Okay. Oh my God. Ready?

I'm ready. Here's a bragging one. Two truths and a lie. I was a state champion track athlete. I'm a deadhead. I've read everything by Hemingway. Shut up. See, that's why I don't like that prompt.

Yeah. I don't understand why other people like the prompt. It just seems like a weird way to flex. like really flex. I don't like it. Yeah, it's braggy. It's not for me. Not for me either.

Okay. I think the next part of this, I think if writing a profile did not make you stop using a dating app, I think this next step is also what is very intimidating. It makes people stop using, which is how do I do an opening line? Yes.

Which is kind of, I mean, we just talked about some of this. Like sometimes it's just like makes it so easy some of these prompts. Oh, right. Just make it personal and respond to one of those. I think just before we get into like, what's a good opening line?

Like, I think it's not. I think people are like, he didn't respond to me. It's like, it's not personal. Like, I'm out here. I will text the same person. I will text 10 people the same thing. Right. And if they don't respond, it's not personal.

Like, a lot of people are like me. They're on a dating app for an hour and they're not back on for a week. Right. And then they don't care anymore. So if you cast this wide net and you're messaging all these people and they don't respond, like it's not that deep and don't get so upset about it. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, we can jump into this now.

I was going to definitely talk about it later. Like, I think that is where people go wrong. Like, because I got on dating apps. like kind of early and then I met somebody and then I was in a relationship and so I wasn't on them for two years and then I moved here and got a bumble for the very first time and hated it. I felt like such shit about myself. I didn't anticipate to like have guys never talk to me after I took the time to message them. I didn't expect people to delete me and unmatch me. And it like it kind of like made me feel bad about myself. And then I realize it just has nothing

to do with me. It's not personal at all. Who knows the reason. but it's not that you're not attractive or you're not cool. It's just like a numbers game. It's just like people are just doing a million things at once. It has they're not on it. Like it doesn't matter. Like there's no one out here probably that's having this has like a hundred percent return on a dating app.

You can't take it personally. Like this is a number one thing I had to tell myself. Like this has nothing to do with me or my looks or my personality. Well, obviously my personality, this person doesn't know me. But it doesn't have anything to do with me or my looks. Absolutely. They lost or that your opening line wasn't good. I mean, you might have the greatest opening line.

This is all awkward. So there's no amazing. opening lines. It's fucking weird and it's awkward. And I think like, yeah, I swiped a bunch the other day and I was like, I'm going to talk to all these dudes and I messaged all these guys. All of them wrote me back. I never followed up with any of them because I randomly said plans the next three nights. Right. And I was just like busy all day long doing our stuff and I went out of the night and I went out of the night and I just, it's not personal. I don't know anything about these people. We've said, we've talked about this. We've talked about it with Jared Fried and we've talked about it. Like people just, they go on dating apps on a Sunday night when they're feeling fragile and they have the Sunday scaries and then they literally don't even have any intention to date sometimes. Like they. They, swipe on a bunch of people, then you're like, oh, that guy liked me on Hinge. You match with him and then nothing ever happens because he doesn't care at all. And you've done the same thing. How many times have you gotten into a place where you feel like you want to get on dating apps? You swipe a bunch. You match with people and you just don't care anymore. We've all done it. Every single time I've gone to dating up. So it's just not personal, not personal, not personal.

We can't say it enough. So just don't get discouraged. But also like if you're feeling fatigued and you're over it, take a break. Right. I will say it's like a full time job. If you're like, I want to get out there. I want to be like our friend Lindsay, like she is like working these apps always on dates. It's a lot of work to like build a profile, talk to people, get it to the point where you're actually on the date, go on the date. It is a lot of work. It is. I mean, I used to do it way more. I just kind of started getting busy with other things and feeling like really fulfilled and I haven't really wanted to date. So I haven't cared about being on the apps. But it people that have success go hard in the pain. Like they really like,

Rob, my best guy from that just got married. I mean, he was going on dates every single night. Like he was like, I want to find somebody. It's a numbers game. Like, and when he met his now wife, oh my God, that's okay. I even said that yet. Like when he met us now wife, like, he was like, let's meet up now. Like, I think she came and met him and like workout clothes. I don't know what to quote me on that.

But like he was just like, let's make this. He was very quick to be like, let's go out now, which is for some people and it's not for some people too. But like he was just, he went on so, so many dates. Bad dates, good dates. I mean, his whole thing is like try to make every day a good date, learn something about somebody, have a good conversation. But the people that make it happen and they meet somebody off a dating app, yeah, there's luck.

And yeah, the first person you match with ever could be your husband or wife. But the people that are doing it, doing it are like fatigued and going out all the time and just like work in the system. Absolutely. I mean, it's a full time. I don't know how people with full time jobs do it. Like, but I will actually like, I'll write it in my to do list. I'll put it on my calendar. Like set 30 minutes aside to do this.

And I'm also like Rob, like I believe very much like these are sort of exploding offers and you really only have people's attention for maybe 30 minutes. So, like, I'm really like, hey, what's up? I say a funny thing. You say a funny thing. And then I'm like, you want to get a drink. Right. Like, I don't want to go back. I thought we were going to talk about this later, right?

I don't want to go back and forth for days a week. I'm not your pen pal. I have tons of friends. I don't give a shit what you ate today or what you did at the gym. I just, I think you're hot and I want to go out and see if we want to fuck each other. That's what I want to do. It doesn't need to be anything more than that. And I think that, like, close.

Always be closing. And I love that he said, like, let's go out now. Like that's what I want. I want somebody to be like, oh, you're cute. Let's meet up down the street right now. Yeah. I think it just, especially in New York, like everything moves quick. Like there's always another person there like right behind you.

Like it's just, if it doesn't happen, it's probably not going to happen. So the best results I've had have been like, it moves fast. It's like, what's your number? And then you're texting. And I said this before. My M.O earlier when I was doing more in the apps was like, I'm happy to meet somebody out when we're both out. Make it feel more like we're meeting in the wild. If I have met a guy in an app and it's, I don't want to feel like a booty call situation,

but if I met a guy in an app and then he got my number and then he texts me at like seven or eight at night and he's like, hey, what are you doing? And we're in the same neighborhood. I'll go meet some guy to bar. Absolutely. I don't think, I just, people think people put too much pressure on this date with a stranger. It's a stranger. Well, I'll also talk myself out of it because you're a stranger.

Like if it's Sunday and somebody's like, ah, I'm not free until Thursday. By Thursday, I'll not going out with you. I will, it'll be raining on Thursday and I will, I don't know. I don't know, I'm constipated or something. I'm not going out with you. We were going to talk about this later, but let's just do it now. We're already in it. We'll come back to opening lines.

Yeah. We're real. We're deep in it. I just know how I behave. I know how you behave. Every dating update that you and I set up day of four days out, we're like, I don't want to do this today. I worked all week and I'm tired.

I just, I feel like I sit down. I'm like, I want to go on a date tonight, swipe on a couple people and ask the person out for tonight. Right. I really love the term is exploding offer because I feel like that's so accurate. Like in general,

not saying it can't work. but especially in New York City, like if you are talking to someone and you set a date for the next week, that is probably eight out of ten, not going to happen. Not going to happen. Because I'm going to bail.

I'm always going to bail. Something is always going to happen that day. I'll be at your apartment for 17 hours trying to report a podcast. I'm not going out with that guy. I mean, I think there's exceptions to the rule. There was one guy that I just, we were viving.

We texted for maybe a week. We couldn't get it together. And then we finally met up. And that was kind of the exception of the rule. I liked the guy. I thought he was super hot. obviously he was attracted to me and we were texting for days and days and we kept just trying to meet up and it wasn't working out and we finally did. But we were in communication.

Like if you meet somebody on an app and they say, hey, maybe we should go out next Wednesday and then you don't communicate with them. You're not going out with them. No. And the Wednesday comes, you haven't heard from the person. And you're not going to hear from that. Move on. Absolutely. And I think that like we get these messages from girls so many messages that are like, well, I've been talking to him for like a week or two weeks and he hasn't asked me out. then that guy, I cannot stress this enough, just wants some attention and validation. He is never going to ask you out.

Then you ask the person out. Right. Like, I think that, like, if you feel like I've been talking to this guy for a week and a half and he doesn't ask me out, you say to the guy, I'm free on Tuesday night. You want to grab a drink. Otherwise, goodbye.

Right. He's not asking you out because either wants attention or he's a pussy, but like, end this shit right now. Right. And I think there are so many people that are men and women that are just on there and they want a little bit of attention. They want a little bump here and there and they want some validation.

and they actually don't have intentions of going out with anybody. Or they don't have intentions that going out with you or whoever. Or you're just not the person that's going to drag them out of their house and like just move on. Stop wasting your time with a stranger that lives in your phone and be like, why isn't he asking me out? Like I really also think that you can tease somebody up, especially like when you're being around, you're kind of like hinting around. Like what are some of your favorite place in the city? This and this.

They know you want to go out with them. They're not asking about, move on. What's a dating app? Move on to the next. It's not LinkedIn. We were talking about this earlier. People are on this app to date. So you're not so crazy and out there.

If you say to a guy, like, do you want to get a drink on Tuesday? You guys didn't meet on Slack. Like, you're on a dating app. The purpose is to date and fuck and meet each other. Right. And I think if you, I think there are some situations and you should know by the guy's profile. Maybe he is like a shyer guy. Maybe he is like an introvert.

You can say, hey, we should meet up for a drink sometime. If they don't take the bait, fucking boy, bye. Like, stop it. Stop wasting your time. And you're so right, like lives in your phone. Like, what do you care about this person? Like, what do you care if they did at work today? Right.

Or what concerts they're going to later? Who gives a shit? Right. Either they're going to meet you or they don't. And there's no shame. It's not like, I don't know if I want to ask him out for a, it's a dating app. Ask him out on the date. And I mean, I think if you're going back and forth and you've been talking this guy a whole

bunch and you've kind of gotten to know each other a little bit on the dating app and he hasn't asked for your number. I think it's a weird sign too. I don't think you really wants to ask you out. I think if a guy wants, and again, women can do this too. But if you're the one that wants to be asked out and he hasn't asked for your number, he probably wants you want to ask you out. That's how it works.

Like if a guy's like, I like this girl, then it's the number ask. Then it's a date ask. Like I always feel a little uncomfortable going, and I think I've only done this like a time or two going to meet somebody that we haven't exchanged numbers with because I'm like, they could just like delete me on this app and I would have no recourse. I don't know. I've mixed feelings about phone numbers. That's, that's to each their own.

Like I feel like personally I don't, I don't want to give my. phone number out to somebody. But I guess if I'm going to meet you at a bar. I think if I'm going to meet you because I think it's a matter of like, hey, I'm here. Totally. Because you've got to, you're right. A lot of people don't have hinge notifications set up on their phone that pop up on their phone. I do. Because I don't have like a real life job. Like that's weird. Like all my notifications pop up on my phone. What do I care? But I think it's weird. Like not everybody's checking their hinge. So I think when you have plans to meet somebody, the phone number exchange should have happened. When we have plans, I want. I'm a little bit turned off if you haven't asked for a number. Yeah. But I guess before that. Before that, I don't need to give you my number. Like, a bunch of guys gave me their number the other night. I was like, hey, how's your day going? And they were all like, how's your day going? And they just gave me their number.

And I was like, no, I'm not going to be texting. You get out of here. But yes, you're right. Once we have plans, yeah, I want to like, I want a follow up text. It's just like, hey, I'm on my way. Yeah. And I'm not saying that it's the most red flag, but I'm a little suspect because I'm like, I just have this sickening feeling and I'm just going to show up and you're not going to be there

and you're going to delete my, you're going to unmatch me, you know? to not pop up on your phone. So like, are you cheating? Is this a situation where you want me to live inside of Bumble? Inside a Bumble? And not on your Instagram or your text messages are going to pop up. Right. I don't think it's super aggressive if you have plans to meet up, hopefully within the next 48 hours. And you say, hey, here's my number. Usually that person should just text you right then and there. Usually. I would think so. Yeah. Like, I've had, I've had guys that I've given them my number or vice versa. But I think it's

a funny thing to open the text. Hey, it's Ashley from Hinge. Or like, hey, I think I've done hey, it's Ashley from the internet before, you know, like, just been, like, funny about it. Like, that first text is, like, can say a lot. But should we go back to opening lines? Yeah. So I do just want to say, like, I think that, like, opening lines, like, it's not, there's no perfect opening lines. Like, you can have the most, you can have the most fire opening lines, the most, like, perfectly crafted just for that person. Like, people just might not want to be bothered that day.

And that's all it is. Right. I, there's things I wouldn't say. Okay. I wouldn't open with hi, hey, or what's up. Right. I read this thing. It just said that those get 50% less responses.

What's the point? Because you're not giving anybody anything to work with. Yeah. What do you write back? Hi. Hi. Do not do this. And I wouldn't do something too deep or lengthy either.

Like, I think the same thing with the profile. Like keep it short. Yeah. A couple people said as some recommendations of like opening with, I'd mix me like, fuck Mary Kill or would you rather? Yeah. I sort of just feel like it gives me like a. chuckle and then I don't have anything to say to the person after. I don't care about it.

I mean, it's just like, I have to work on this. I have to think of an answer to this. Yeah. But it doesn't tell me anything about you. Like, it's not a conversation starter for me. Yeah, but again, it could work for some people. Like, it works for some people. I used to always do, I think I said this before. I used to always do like you up at like 3 p.m. just to see if someone has a sense of humor. Like, I think if I, I think we all know what you up means at this point. Like, it's a funny booty call thing to do it in the, not do it at midnight, but to do it in the middle the day is funny. And if a guy was like, I don't get it, like, I would be like unmatch, you know, like I just think it's like betting their sense of humor a little bit. Again, opening lines,

I like hinge, because like the opening line is a comment on someone's photo. So instead of Bumble where you really, a woman is really having to craft an opening line, I like hinge. I think a lot of times, like if I'm not feeling crazy creative, a guy will write something that I feel similarly about and I'll just write same. And they'll, you know, usually write back to that, like something, I don't know, I've done it before. I think if you're really funny and you want to be bold, I think with this, I've seen this work of a guy as a picture with a cat.

I've written nice pussy. I think it's funny. It's very funny. What it's hilarious. Yeah. Like I've seen, we've done that with people that are shows that it's like really worked for.

I think commenting on stuff in their picture, again, like even if you are in a different app that's not hinge, like that guy that I messaged with, I was saying that I went out with him and I liked him. He was wearing like a romper in one of his pictures, like a male romper. And I mean, just writing a nice romper or obviously stuff about the dog.

I think you could write something like if it's a nice. Again, be careful at night. Guys can get creepy, but any Netflix recommendations, like stuff like that can work, you know? Yeah. Oh, I like that, actually. Anything that's somebody... I'm about to order takeout, what do you suggest?

I mean, that's easy. I just don't want a would you rather fuck Mary Kill. I don't want to have to work this hard for a stranger. It just doesn't tell me anything about the person. And I just, it's not a conversation started for me. You're right. It's like, oh, you're giving me a job now. Right.

Like, that's the thing. I'm like, I just don't know you. I don't feel like doing this. I think nighttime, what should I order for dinner or Netflix could be cute. I think if you want to cast a super wide net, Bumble is really easy to do that. I would just copy and paste, hey, how's your day going?

You're going to learn something about the person. It doesn't have to be, you don't have to be like Jerry Seinfeld on this app. You don't have to be the funniest person on earth. How's your day going? They're going to tell you what they're doing for their job or what they're doing the gym or whatever. You're going to learn something and you can go from there.

For sure. Oh, great. Your job? Let's get a drink later. Someone wrote that she'll write like tacos or pizza. I'm fine with that. I'll answer that. I mean, that's easy.

Someone wrote this girl. She said it works, but I actually think it's very funny, and I think it speaks to men. My opening line is, if you were a dinosaur, what kind would you be and why? What boy doesn't love dinosaurs? Guys love dinosaurs. I love dinosaurs. This girl wrote that she says, you look like my next ex-boyfriend. It works every time, said this to my boyfriend, had been with him for two years now.

You look like my next ex-boyfriend is funny. But you got to be kind of funny to pull it off. So, like, again, don't comedy catfish somebody. Don't come at them with something that you heard that isn't authentic to you. because then you got to keep that up. Raina, you're fucking hilarious and you're out here just saying, how's your day going? You know what I mean?

Like, don't overdo it if that's not who you are as a person. Right. No, I think that's a great point. I think you up can be dangerous also after like 7 p.m. It's not even... If the sun has got down, you can't do it. It's only like two or three. It's something ridiculous.

10 a.m. Yeah. Well, that's noon. But that's like, no, I'm actually still sleeping. It's 3 p.m. It's a 3 p.m. 2.3 p.m. It's perfect.

But yeah, I think those are some good opening lines. Again, it's not rocket science. I feel like it's the same way you talk about, like sleeping with somebody for the first time. Like, the most boring opener could land you the best guy and your future husband and the best opener you could think of in the world that's fucking Jerry Seinfeld level

could not get a response. Like, it doesn't, it's not that deep. I was serving up comedy genius the other night on hand. Just like fire comments. No one cared. Like, I was being, maybe they're intimidated. And I kept checking.

hinge and it was like, no messages. I was like, how is this possible? I wonder if Hinge is like on the way out. What if you shouldn't be too funny as a female? You don't want to masculate them with your hilariousness? I mean, maybe not open with like comedy gold. Save it. Save it for the live shows. I would never waste something on a man I could give to you guys

at the shows. But yeah, I think, you know, keep it short, easy. I would not get into these super long conversations. I just, I see people, girls ask us every day. I've been texting with him for a week. He won't ask me out. Then ask him out and be down with it. A week is crazy. I will say there was this one guy

I went out with him probably the first six months of the podcast and I said he had a great time. She couldn't stress it enough. What a great. She sat down at brunch and she was like he really likes me. He like really, really liked me.

But for some reason, that guy really liked you. He really liked me. We just got in a banter flow on hinge, like back and forth for longer than I would have liked. And I was like, is this guy going to ask me out?

I think it was a couple days. A week is crazy. But I think for a couple days. But he was consistently talking to me. And I felt like I was kind of getting to know him. And I didn't hate that because I felt like the anticipation was building. We were being flirty. We were getting to know each other.

And I didn't have this feeling that this is going nowhere. But I was on the cusp. And he finally was like, so let's meet. You know, like he, I almost like just said fuck it. Or just said, hey, we should meet sometime just to feel it out. And he asked me out. So I do want a little bit more. are, I think my time is precious.

I want to see if I like who you are in a few texts. I don't like the, hey, let's meet right this minute out of the gate. It's like, are you going to kidnap me? I don't think most of these is, I mean, stay safe, guys. But like, I'm sure Rob, I'm sure they traded a few messages back in for. I don't want somebody out of the gate being like, hey, how are you? Let's get a drag. Because like you might not be, I mean, things that I personally, I don't like people that are super spiritual.

It's just not, that's not going to be like my person. Yeah. I would be friends with somebody that's super spiritual. Somebody who's incredibly spiritual wouldn't want to date me either. Religious, spiritual. And I want to know those things. Right. You know, if you want to live in Bushwick with your five best friends in a band for the rest of your life,

that's probably not my guy either. Right. Like, that is somebody else's guy. I do want to know those things. So, like, learn a couple things up front. I'm with you. A couple days. If you think that they're funny.

I mean, I don't know. I think it's, I think it's, I think it's, anyway, I don't think a week is crazy. like if you like someone just drinking you on. But I mean, again, like it doesn't need to be within the first like 20 minutes. But this is also a to each their own type of thing. Yep. Agreed. Oh, man. All right. We're moving right along. For the date. First date. I'm exciting because we've never, we're going to do like a whole episode about first dates. I don't know. We could sum back. Yeah. I think my best piece of advice that I give myself for first dates is I like to set a two drink maximum and I like to set a time limit as well and I like to leave. because I've had a lot of dates where you're on a date with somebody for six hours. It's so great.

All these places you make out, you never hear from the guy ever again. And I think that that's just because you've lived the whole relationship in one date, which is what that matchmaker told us. Yeah. So I like to just like, I mean, a bar is fine. I know like there's so much like science where you should go. You should have a meal. Should you do an activity.

For me, a drink is fine. Yeah. I'm happy to meet you at a bar and have two drinks. Right. But I don't want to stay out all night with somebody. I just want to like, leave a little mystery. Yeah. I think so too. I think don't go out and get drunk with somebody and hook up with them. I mean, or do. But like I just, I don't, I wouldn't recommend it. I did go on that day with that guy that really had a great time with me and liked me and asked me out again and we weren't on a really long date. And it was fine. We're having a good time. You know, I think if you're really vibing and you've had a drink or two at a bar and you're both starving, I don't see the harm in going to grab a bite. Just don't get drunk. Like that's what it is. I think it's like set some boundaries for the first time this person gets to go out with you.

It's best. I like that. We did this panel recently. Falka was her name. Karina. Her name's Karina. She's a writer. We had someone ask at this panel. We did, I'm really shy and dates are tough for me. And I love her advice. She was like, steer away from stuff that you have to look at their face like the whole time. She was like, you could do like a walk. Like it's not cheesy to be like, hey, you want to meet up in the park, a dog park. Something where you can like sit side by side with someone or walk with them where you don't have to stare at them because it makes shy or introverted people

like a little more nervous. And I've heard people say this, especially in New York City, again, a great city for this. It's like, I know people that have totally met up for a walk. Like, let's see if we vibe. Like, let's just stroll along in Central Park

and see if we vibe. But I like that she said that because, like, physically, you don't have to look across a table at them and feel more nervous. You can kind of just like walk along and it's a little less intimidating. Something where you're side by side

as opposed to staring at each other is nice. I just love that she's nice. I just love that she said that. Dog parks are great. If I were viving with a guy and we were talking about dogs and I was headed to the dog park, I'd be like, meet me here. I don't see the harm in that. You know, I think that's a fine first date to feel somebody out. I don't get all worked up on this perfect first date. I think it can be whatever you want. I would do a day day. You would make fun of me, but like if it was a weekend or the guy had a flexible schedule and he was like, you want to meet for coffee, like I would do that. I don't see the harm. Like I'd rather have a drink

to like loosen it up a little bit, but I would also go on like a lunch date or a day date. I just don't The only thing I'm not doing is a dinner date. Like I'm not sitting, you're not making a reservation. We're not going out to dinner. I'm not going out to dinner with a stranger and being locked into a meal. Absolutely not. It's a huge red flag. I don't mind. A dinner?

Our friend Lindsay, no, no, I don't mind. A day day. Our friend Lindsay told me that she tries to not drink on like a first day. She'll pick something else. And so like one thing I think is great in the fall, least during the summer is like I stumbled upon a street fair the other day by by accident. I'm sure you can look on time out or New York or whatever to find these things.

It was like 10 blocks long. It was tons of food. It was little stalls. I think that would be like a really fun thing to just meander with somebody. Because if you don't have that much to talk about, like there's 30 stalls on the street of food, clothing, all kinds of other shit.

You guys could talk about that. There's weird people around. So like, yeah, if you don't, if you're not a big drinker, maybe. Right. I don't know. It's just not that deep. I think people are like,

I need an activity or I need, it's just hang out with somebody. But that guy, that guy went out with it. I was trying to pass him off to Merrill. He brought me on that taco crawl, which was nice because it was like, we were moving, we were doing stuff,

we're walking along, we're stopping at this place to get tacos, we're stopping at this place for a drink. Like it was like, and that was up to 2 hour max, I think. But I love what you said about just like strolling, meandering, having content to talk about, as opposed to sitting across from a stranger at a bar and having to figure out what to talk about them looking into their eyes.

Like, it's not for everybody. Like, yeah, I mean, it's not my, that's not my problem. Like, I'm not shy, but, um, dates can absolutely feel like an interview and you're like, I don't want to do this. I want to go to this. I mean, it's not a hot take that a date feels like an interview. but I think that like Jared Freed always says like are you better than my couch and like some people are like no an interview is not better than sitting on my couch so I don't want to go.

Do what you feel comfortable doing. Right. And I just, I feel comfortable having two drinks at a bar with a person. That's what I want to do. But that's not for everybody. Right. Absolutely. For sure.

I just for me like in my older age, I know that I need to set boundaries because I'm fun. And once I have two drinks, I'll, I will have four drinks and I'll go to four bars with you. I'll go out to dinner. I'll run around the city and like it has. hasn't other people probably have had luck. I haven't with that kind of stuff. I think guys are like, it's too easy or something like that. I don't know. Right. And if you have problems with this, make plans. Like later, like make, you know, and again, and try not to bail on them. You know, I went on a day with the guy, the taco crawl, taco crawl guy. He had a friend coming in town

that was flying in late and he had to go meet him at, I don't know, nine. So, and I didn't feel offended by that. You don't know me. You don't need to prioritize me. I'm a stranger that you met on your phone. So, like, we met at seven and he, and he, he had to go. And he, had to leave at like quarter to nine and that was fine with me. So if you can do that, do that. If you want to meet for like an earlier drink or happy hour or something and make later plans with your girlfriends, do that so you know you have to go home. It's just like always leave somebody wanting more. Can't hurt. Yeah, I can't hurt. I think it, I mean, it's just so fun to like lean into these long dates. But it's like if the chemistry's there in the first two hours, you can still

leave, it'll be there or there on the next day. Yeah. Yeah. That's my only advice for dates. You know, just keep it simple and keep it easy. And I just think like my whole attitude, towards dating has changed since the podcast, but, like, in general, like, I just want, like, a little male attention. I want to see if I get along with somebody, maybe we have some fun. Nine times out of ten,

your love is hard to find. You're not going to fall in love with every person you've got to date with. So just look at it as like, this is a new person in my life and they're fun. Maybe they'll date a friend of mine. My friend Luke went on a date with this girl, and she was like,

I don't really see this working out with us, but I think you'll like my friend and he's been dating her friend ever since. Yeah, that's trying to do that. Nothing happened with them. They didn't like hook out, make out nothing. She was just like, I don't see it. And like, yeah, maybe you'll meet somebody through that person

or you'll find somebody to party with whatever. Right. And I think just going back to dinner, like I will not go to dinner with somebody. Like, I'm not going. And I think sometimes maybe guys, especially when they're younger, you just think you go to dinner, right? So it's not anything crazy. It's not, it's just they don't know any better.

So I think maybe if you're dealing with some guys that are just like, hey, you want to go to go live your truth. Like, get a meal. Girls got to eat. Exactly. It's a tireless podcast. But if you're like, I don't want to sit down for dinner. if you're like me and you're like, I don't want to commit to a dinner and all these things with this person that I might not like, you can say, do you mind if we just grab drinks?

Like you can take control of the situation. If someone suggests doing something that you don't want to do, suggest something else. Absolutely. And if they say no, fuck that person. That's like a scary person. Everybody's out here trying to think of what to do on a date. Like I want a guy that can take control and make a plan. But again, like, it's hard to figure out what to do sometimes.

I think if a guy was like, do you want to grab dinner at Applebee's? And you were like, do you mind if we just get drinks to this other bar? He'd be like, yes, great, perfect. What a relief. I love that. And like I wanted to date with that guy right after we started the podcast a year and a half ago. And like this guy was on the hook for like a $250 dinner. And like I never saw him again.

And I don't feel good about that. Like whatever. I offered a split. He said no. And like I'm sure I didn't put him in the hole that bad. Whatever. But that's a lot of money for somebody to be like on the hook for a girl that they are never going to see again. And like it wasn't the most comfortable thing either.

Like go to a bar that has food. Right. Do you can order food at the bar. Yeah. But I don't want to be at a table. Yeah, that's for sure. And I think comedy shows are great. I'm trying to think if I would like a comedy show in a first date.

I think I would want to go if I'd been talking to the guy for a couple days and I had a more vibe for him, like right out of the gate. I don't know if I want to spend my night a couple hours at a comedy show. But I definitely a second date. I think it is a great. And this is not really the topic because that's a whole other topic. But I think it's a great date. Like, I want to know what you laugh at. That's so smart.

But again, as you guys know, if you're not familiar with comedy and comedy shows, you sit in the front row, they're going to talk to you. So just try. If you want that, that could be the most hilarious first date. I had, back in the day, I think it was Karen,

my friend Karen, brought a first date from an app to one of my shows and I knew, so I heckled them. It was hysterical. Like,

if you have some of the good sense of humor and you go on a first date, you go to a comedy show and you get heckled, that is like a relationship solidified. I always hope to be the one that gets heckled. Nobody ever,

because they can tell, they can tell I want it too bad. People can tell I sat in the first row. I guess not the word. Crowd worked. Yeah. I love that idea. I'm personally one of the things that is the most important thing for me

is somebody who likes to do stuff. And that might sound like, yeah, no shit, so does that right? No, I really need a partner that wants to see comedy shows, go to art shows with me, go to museums, travel. Like, I'm a very active person. You have to want to do those things. So that's also a good litmus test if you're like, I want to see somebody who likes activities.

Yeah. Or if they're just like, all I'm coming up with is a bar. Right. Yeah, exactly. And I just kind of like, again, I just don't, want to be locked into too much time with you if I don't know that I like you. But that guy, right when we first started the podcast, he was, I met him in the wild at least. We'd like hung out when I drank and made out. And the first date he brought me out was to, was it, is it called Fat Cat?

And it's all the games. Yeah, there's like games. Oh, I love that place for a day. And that is, you can be really flirty. Like when we played shuffleboard, we're like, you know, you like walk past each other. You can be like touchy and flirty. It was like a great date. So game stuff is great. It's so funny because we were on another show and they were like, this girl was like red flag or deal breaker or something and we're on you up and it was like wants to go to Dave and Buster for a first state. I think that's hilarious. I mean, we're not going because it's in Times Square,

but maybe in like another city where it's not such a madhouse. Yeah, but I think it's funny. I think it's hilarious. And if you don't think that's funny, you're not my person. Right. Like if a guy was like, let's go to T.J. Fridays and have drinks? Yes. And have you seen my comedy?

Because I talk about Fridays a lot. Like if a guy's like, hey, you want to go to Fridays and grab some mudslides. It'd be like, marry me. Like, you're funny. You're funny. Absolutely. And then if we're feeling each other, go get unlimited breadsticks, olive garden, are we engaged?

I want to you're my person. I want some, you're my person. I want the shittling out to a three-star restaurant and then we finish the shudderiest dive bar you've ever seen. I want, like, crazy nice food and then the shittiest, dirtiest dive bar. I want it to smell a shame. I like it. I say no dinner, but I like the idea of a street food food truck situation. And I think that's a dinner.

Let's not dinner. Sit down dinner. Right. But it's like food. And it's your. dinner. Like, I like the idea of meandering around some, and like, this is not just a New York specific thing. In Atlanta, there was like food truck things. Like, I think that's a great, if you look up what your city has to offer. I think that's a great first date. Smorgasburg and New York City

on the weekends. That's a great one. Yeah. I'm sure they have it. I know they're in LA, but they're all. Okay. All right. Sorry, guys. So they're like, I thought this is a dating app thing. All right. Well, we're telling you how to go on dates. Okay. All right. Well, pictures, profiles, opening lines, first dates. I hope we covered it all. And also just don't take anything personally. Absolutely. And if someone's not asking you out, drop them a huge hit. And if they don't bite, move on to the next. And if you get tired, get off the apps. Fucking take a break. Yeah. No one's forcing you to do this. Just enjoy your life, guys. Go out there. We did crowdsource some very funny stuff from you guys is the segment for today where we asked

you to send us the most ridiculous opening lines. Okay, we already did our rant about predatory behavior so we don't have to do that. Spoiler alert, like thousands of them were just guys sending you dick picks or asking if you want to fuck or sit on their face and stuff. I'm sure the return rate on that is super positive. Never worked. Never worked ever. Do we start with one? Yeah, so we just screenshot these and we're going to show them to each other.

Okay. I think this is cute. I feel like I like this guy. This guy would never try to send you a dick pick. Okay. I also have this problem. Maybe you can help me with. I literally just started talking to this super beautiful girl and the app I met her on is really

awkward to message with. So I'm trying to learn more about. her other ways. However, my phone keeps asking for a 10-digit password before I can talk to her. Do you know the code I should use? Like, that is a nerdy, convoluted way to ask for a number. Sorry, that's also an opening line. I fuck the game up already. Ashley doesn't know how rules work. Okay. Also, I was like, don't do all this predatory stuff, but I'm going to read you one that's kind of gross, but also made me laugh. He says, what are your favorite flowers? She says pink roses. He says, good, I'll put them on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Raina, why did you read that? They were supposed to be funny. I didn't say they were all supposed to be good. I hate that guy. It's funny. All right, I'll read you another one. Most absurd opener I've received, Are You My Big Toe?

Because I want to aggressively bang you against the kitchen table. God, now I'm just thinking about stopping my toe and I'm upset. We're not going to start with all this gross. Okay. They're gross. I don't like it. It's just, we shouldn't even read it. We shouldn't even enable this.

Glorifies it. Okay, well, here's one that isn't inherently gross, but it's gross. Wait, but the game is bad. And bad and bad. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We've changed the game.

Not good opener. Ridiculous opener. Okay. You look like my sister. That's it. That's it. What? That's so creepy.

It's so weird, right? This one, I just thought it was funny. Okay. She said, I routinely get the line. Can I come on Eileen? Her name is Eileen. Okay. She said, but I did end up meeting my current boyfriend of almost two years on Bumble.

He did not use that line. Absolutely. Yeah. aren't your boyfriends. All right, let me hit you with this one. I don't know how to say this. So I'm just going to say it. Your neck mole is really cute.

I felt weird about that. This one, she writes, I'm 510 and a 5-4 guy tried to match with me on Hinge by opening with, A, I'm 5-4, we can make this work. She writes, dude, no, we cannot. Okay, this guy hits her with, this is a two-parter. I want to do coke off your pussy. Oh, Jesus Christ.

And this is at 8 a.m. on a Tuesday. No. Oh, my God. This guy writes, Are you a cigarette because I want to get you lit and put your butt in my mouth. But anything sexual, I'm unmatching you and reporting you. I lost my teddy bear. Can I sleep with you?

That's not even cute. It's funny. You're fucking dork. All right. Ready, right? I have this one for you. This one goes out to Detroit. Okay.

All right. He writes, Here's our first date. I take you to this fancy Italian place I've been wanting to go to, called moms. It's quiet and serene. We sit at a candlelit table. We both order the spaghetti and make the obligatory lady in the tramp joke. After some conversation over drinks, we go back to my place. We anxiously make eye contact as our hearts being in a race. I kiss you and it takes your breath away. Your palms are sweaty. Knees weak. Arms are heavy.

There's vomit on your sweater already mom's spaghetti. That wins. I want to end it on this. I love that guy. Mike drop because you're like, where the fuck is this going? I love it so much. We can't end it. I got more. No, I know. Him. So are you Japanese? Me? Yes.

Him. I'd like to take the chopsticks out of your hair while you deep throat me. What the fuck? I feel weird reading these. I hate these men. I hate them. Okay. This one's fine.

Hey, do you work at Dix? Because you're sporting the goods. That's kind of cute. I don't know. It's original. Okay. I'm not into watching sunsets, but I'd love to see you go down.

I don't... Ashley, go ahead. All right. This one was offensive. So this girl sends a picture of her and her dog. Two people on Hinge. Jesse likes the picture of her and her dog

and writes that dog looks absolutely miserable. I laugh so hard. Cody likes the picture. That might be the ugliest dog I've ever seen in my entire life. Well, you know, it's unexpected, if nothing else. I'll show you the dog. Maybe it has a good personality. She's beautiful.

You can't. Yeah, she's so stunning. You can't insult a woman's son. I have two more. She had a cute opening line. Hey, what's your favorite food? He says, you. You.

Oh, my God. Nope. Sorry, Nathan. All right. This one, this was an opening line. He goes, I wish I was one of your tears so I could be born in your eyes, run down your cheek and die in your lips. And she goes, I still look at it sometimes when my boyfriend is being annoying, L.O.L.

She's out here masturbating to that opening line. Okay, here's the last one I have. Opening line, do you poop with that ass? Oh, my God. This one, a guy messaged me, want to walk around the mall and make out, which I love. Okay. You love them all. We wound up dating for like four months and I still don't know how I replied to that opening

line. Makeout's fine. Like if a guy, if a guy opened want to make out, I think it's okay. I'm going to do it. Absolutely. But want to fuck is so different.

Oh my God, this one. Are your tits as big as your front teeth? What do you think is going to happen? First of all, fuck that. Like any negging, I hate it. I hate it too. This one was a little much.

I'm probably going to offend some people. I'm ready. Damn girl, you're hotter than Notre Dame. This was the day the Notre Dame burnt down. I hope she just wrote back too soon. Too soon.

All right, I gotta go home. I've been here for six hours. Oh my God. I don't know. I got to order food. Hey, about to order takeout. What should I order? Opening line.

We hope you guys like the episode. Thank you for your submissions. We hope you think that this did dating apps justice. Did we even, I mean, what, like, if guys are, if girls are like what date apps should I start with? I mean, I can't show the prompts. I think Bumble is easy for the, it's a numbers game. You just swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe.

So it's very easy to just swipe on people. Bumble. Raya, again, that's like a membership only whatever. I'm kind of over it. I think the league, I don't think it's really, what do you think the league? I don't care about it one or the other. Ship. I don't know if people are having success on ship. I think the concept is really cool.

It was created by Betches and your friends swipe for you. So I really like that. Okay. People saw on Tinder? My girlfriend just married, she married her husband. They've been on Tinder? I don't know. All the people that sent us the worst ones were like, this is what I get for going on Tinder. Like, it feels like that's where the real

creeps are. Well, she was like, I didn't want to, but she was like not trying to date. She was just trying to hook up. Like that's how she was like, I'm just trying to fuck. Also, OKCupid has a great app. And we like them. And we've talked about them before. They were a partner of ours. And they have the prompts and the stuff to like really vet people

what you want to. Oh yeah. I think people think of it as being a little more serious. But no, it's great app. Yeah. Yeah, I'm glad you said. I forgot about that. Because a lot of those ones that were just like, you know, I don't know what you call them. Websites back in the day have like transition into an app. I'm sure Match has an app. Match owns Tinder, right? Match owns everything.

Match owns everything. But we really like okay, Cupid too. J swipe. So check it out. J swipe for my fellow Jews. I've never. J. date. J. date.

J. date. J. swipe is something, though. Yeah, that sounds right. And then like, you know, what sugardaddies.com or something? Seeking arrangements is what you're like. For sugar daddies. All right. That's good.

You can take us out. We have lots of shows coming up, guys. We can't wait to see you in your cities. Yes. Get those tickets to D.C. and Boston. We'll be announcing more soon. Stupid liveshows.com. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com.

Click on shows new merch coming soon. And Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram recently verified. We didn't know what that. We've verified for Girls Got Eat Podcasts finally. Raina.org on Instagram, Ash Hess, 2Hs on Instagram, Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter. And we'll see you next week. Thanks, guys.

Have a good week.