Girls Gotta Eat - No More Pretending feat. Fat Carrie Bradshaw

Episode Date: January 13, 2020

IT'S OUR 100th EPISODE! **air horn** We're celebrating with a spicy episode featuring meme king/drag queen Fat Carrie Bradshaw (aka Chris Burns) discussing coming out at an Outback Steakhouse, his first heartbreak, being a late bloomer in the relationship department, living your truth, how the name Fat Carrie came to be, and of course Sex and the City. We're also playing a round of Psycho or Power Move that turns into Truth or Lie, and chatting about the funniest moments of the podcast, blowjobs vs. sucking dick, our worst dates, and more. We hope you enjoy! Follow Chris Burns/Fat Carrie on Instagram @FatCarrieBradshaw. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: LiquidIV: Get 25% off at liquidiv.com with code GGE. Feals: Become a member at feals.com/gge and get 50% off your first order + free shipping. Buffy: Visit buffy.co and take $20 off all bedding with code GGE. HelloFresh: Get 10 free HelloFresh meals + free shipping during the New Year's sale at hellofresh.com/gge10, code GGE10. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Because imagine, like, if you're having a threesome with your friend, and then she's like, are you on your period? Like, it's not like, like, I feel like. It's actually. You're right. Like, it's not the same thing as like having sex with a guy that's like, whatever. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. I forgot what I was supposed to say.

We've only been doing this a hundred times. What'd you say? I just was like, do I talk now? I got nervous. You just, you don't care anymore because it's the 100th episode. Guys, phoned it in. Okay. 100th episode coming in hot.

Do we do weather before? After the ass, it's like 37 degrees, clear, sunny. I saw a snowflake earlier. I saw somebody's Instagram story that was snowing this morning. I think there was a quick bout of snow. I didn't wake up until 10 today.

I know. I woke up and I was like panic-stricken. You sent a text before I did this morning. I know. I'd been on the group chat before you even were awake. First time in history. I know. I love that meme that says that kind of did shit on La Croroix.

Do you say Laquois? Because that's how it's pronounced. But everybody else says La Croy. I just like saying La Croy's before boys. But it says, was it about La Croy or something like it tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it's shy? Did you ever see? No. That is exactly.

Like I bought all this Laquot. That's why I have it for our New Year's party. Our New Year's party. My New Year's party. And I just have tons of it. Like the raspberry flavored, like it tastes like it's supposed, it wants to be raspberry flavored, but it's shy. It's not shy.

Half hard dick. Laquois. It's like a medium chub. La Croix. The mushy dick of sparkling beverages. It's sparkling. Yeah, it's fuzzy. I love it.

I opened one up the other night. There's no point to this story. That's it. I also have, um, what is wrong with me? I have a ton of white claw in the fridge. Never had this much stuff in my fridge ever. Oh, yeah. From the party.

So our 100th episode. Number 100. Thanks guys for sticking it out with us. Our centennial. What does that mean? Centennial. It just means 100 episodes. Well, I'm not the smart one.

No, I think it just means 100. Oh, because like century, centennial. Got it. Not even, I don't know if that's it. That's got to be. But we've, I mean, technically we would have had three bonus episodes maybe. Three. A whopping three.

Sex and the City. A couple's episode. all the way. Yeah. And then the couples, the TV couples. So, but numbered 100, like 100th regular episode coming in hot. I can't believe we made it. I can't believe it either.

I mean, I can't. I'm sorry. I don't know. I think our show's amazing. I can't believe we made it like we were going to quit. Our friendship is great too. We made it. Yeah, we're great.

Guys were doing great. We were having like a tip this morning and I was like, walking around my apartment started laughing. I was like, we've been through way worse than this. Yeah, we'll get through this. And we're not due for a fight yet. Well, I guess probably Quarterly.

When we go to LA. Blow it out. We will not find LA. We have separate hotel rooms this time. Thank you very much. That's the secret to a good relationship. Separate flight, separate seats on a flight, separate hotels. On that note, we still have tickets left for Snack City Tour 2020 in L.A., Houston, Dallas, Melbourne, Sydney.

One of the Sydney shows. Yeah. and Melbourne, so are Australia people and Tampa Night 2 and Miami and Orlando. Yeah, come out. And then probably next week we'll announce some new dates. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Next week we'll announce the last.

We have the dates. It'll be the end of May, the first week of June. So then we'll get those next week. And then over course, our second to Philly show. We have some tickets. Oh, yeah. Sorry. God, Philly.

Can't hype that enough. Okay. A hundred episodes. You want to talk about some funny stuff that happened over the 100? What do you feel like has defined you the most? Okay. In 100 episodes, the thing that has defined me the most was the rant on cancer memes. That was in July and my DMs are still full.

Like you guys send me cancer memes. I don't want them. You can tag. It's over. In July, though, watch out, bitch. No, let's stop till July. Like, yeah, I mean, in that episode, I can't remember which number it was, but it was called

how to be happy living alone or how to, whatever. Being happy, being alone. Because people always ask, they message me a lot. What was, where, what episode was out? I want to show my friend or want to tell somebody because people just thought that was like the funniest thing. I mean, it was funny. You were hysterically laughing too.

It was amazing. And it has defined me as a person. And all people do all day is tag me in cancer memes. And I'm done with it. I put it to bed. I rest in peace. We'll bring it back up again next July. You're going to be so upset in July.

I can't wait. or end of June. Well, June 2020, we will resurrect it from the dead. But yeah, that's probably the most defining thing. What about you? That rant? You know, I feel like I don't go on as many rants as I used to. Like, I did a rant like a year and a half ago about like going to the pumpkin patch and I don't believe in apple picking. It's such bullshit. You went on a pretty hot rant to the first episode of the year about weddings. Yeah. You can do it. I don't want to do it. But I'll come. It was really, you got amped. I don't want to have a wedding, but I'll come. to yours.

You went on a couple of rants that episode. That episode was also, you'll like my voice. Don't listen to it. You don't like my face. Don't look at it. You went off, girl. Don't worry. Rant and Raina is still alive and well.

I think that the things that defined me were the amount of dick and blowjob and cum memes that people send me. Okay. I'm all set. I have the internet. I got it. My ex-boyfriend sent me a dick meme the other day. I was like, I get it.

What kind of dick meme? Just, if there is any. meme that mentions the word, dick, especially come and blowjob. Okay. I guarantee you. I haven't needed to ask you this for years. I'm getting. No, for like two weeks.

The thing that defied me was learning what you do is washcloths in the shower. That is so true. I meant to tell you at Christmas time I got into the shower at your parents' house and there was the wetest washcloth. The wetest one I use. I really get in there when I'm home for the holidays. I had to reposition the shower ahead just so I could be far enough away. away from my ass

from the wash. Oh my God, that's so funny. I just, yeah, of course you saw it. It was so wet. It's wet. I just don't know how you get something that wet, even in a shower. Drip, drip,

came through dripping. Okay. Burning question. No, actually, I just want to clear, I want to clear something up for everybody. Okay. Clear the air between us. I want to clear the air about you and Dick.

I don't know if it's accurate that you love blow jobs, because to me, the job is the completion. I think you just love suck and dick. Interesting. It's an interesting differentiation between the two. Because to me,

suck and dick, Rainer of Greenberg loves suck and dick. But she doesn't like to finish the job. Okay. True. Very true. I've never thought about the differentiation between the two,

but you hit the nail on the head. Yes, I love sucking dick. but then I like them to come inside of me because I like come talk to you, but I don't want to swallow the come. Which is on brand because you don't like any jobs. I don't want to work. You hate working.

Ever. You hate jobs. Meanwhile, we like work our asses off. But anyway, yeah. But you know that yesterday I woke up and I was like, I got a day off.

It's like we don't have to see each other or do anything. I worked until like 10 p.m. last night. I know. We were still working. It's been a lot lately. We've been working hard. There's just a lot of balls in there.

A lot of dick to suck. Yeah, I was thinking about that. but it sounds different as like self-branding to be like, I love sucking dick. Like that sounds so different. It sounds trashier than I love blow jobs. Like when you're like, oh, my God, I love blow jobs. Right.

It's very different than like, I love sucking dick. It sounds really aggressive. It sounds so aggressive, but it's what you are. I do. I like a dick in my mouth. Yes. I like the things guys say to you when dick's in your mouth. And I just, I just think about like last dick I sucked.

It was so nice. And like just watching like the way guys body moves like while you're sucking their dick. And then you kind of like come up to the top of it and look in the, in the eye. I didn't ask for all those. Okay, well, I'm just giving some blowjob tips. You know you're going to do it. When you look at them, you can't have a dick in your mouth when you look at them because it looks crazy. You have to be at the top of the dick when you look at them. I'm sure some guys like it. But yeah. You look ridiculous with the dick in your mouth. Your eyes are

full of tears and your hair's all sweating and mad at down. Turned on right now. There's something for everyone. But you're right. Then I like to segue into sex as it makes the sex shorter. Yeah. And then you get into the cum talk. Yeah. That's great. Because when I told you about that time I gave two blow jobs in a day, you were like, oh my God, I would never. I've finished two blowjobs in the last eight years. It was the same day with one person. Right. So, guys, breaking news, 100th episode,

Raina does not love blow jobs. She just loves soaking dick. I love a dick in my mouth. I still love a dick in my mouth. Anyway. I'm amazing. Okay. I wanted to ask you if you can pinpoint the hardest you've laughed in a hundred episodes

because I do think I know mine. I'm jealous that you know yours. I feel like, first of all, we've been so lucky to have so many, like, phenomenal comedians on this show. I mean, and there's a lot that are equal. Like there's a lot of like, I was laughing the same amount of hard.

The hardest I laughed in recent memory, like recording and then listening to the episode again. If it's still mine, I can't. Was when you told Christa Stefano, we are a family. Then he opened up his own text messages and was like, oh yeah, I did say that. He doesn't even make blacks out when he does this shit.

When you made Chris DeStefano read his text to me, on air. That was the hardest I've laughed in a really long time. Did you see, I saw this today, I was in the Facebook group. Some people had mixed feelings that episode. This girl wrote, I didn't understand what's going on. So I feel like you and I

always try to keep an eye on like, let's not make this like a circle jerk between us and our buddies. We always, I feel like try to talk to the audience like they're in the room with us. So I can see why somebody would feel like that. I don't even know if it's that and we do try to be aware of that. And like I don't think we do that. I don't think we get comedians here and start talking shop. I hope that you guys don't think that we do. It's just who they are. Like if you listen to history hyenas, it's who they are.

They are wild. They're out of control. Someone also said they tweeted this. They were very funny. They were like, I felt Ashley on that episode, I feel like she was the one in college doing the group project and trying to keep everyone on task. And that was pretty accurate, but it's just who they are. And like, we purposely put them on the episode right before Christmas. Like, we knew it was going to be a wild. We just know you guys are on vacation with your family. It was just going to be a wild episode with no rhyme or reason, and that's what it was. And it wasn't because we were like, we knew we were going to do that. And we knew we were going to have them on.

But we were like, let's put him on the episode that is going to be. Yeah. Yeah. Let's cut it. I didn't think that episode was ever going to change anybody's life. I just think it's like a funny cut up episode. Yeah. And if people weren't talking shit, they were just like, I don't really get it.

It's like, yeah. Well, you brought, I think it would have been more interesting if you, like, deep dope with Chris about like, why do guys behave like this and why do guys text you? but I don't even think Chris knows why he does stuff like that. So I don't know that it would worth having like a deeper conversation about it. I actually loved with, I mean, I don't know why we're recapping this. Whatever, we're doing whatever we want. It's episode. I liked all Yannis's stuff.

I think he got pretty introspective on the stuff with his wife. And like he really probably did not come in and prepare to tell that story about being laid for his engagement party. That's what happens in this room. The couch, the dog, people tell us stuff that they've never said before. It happens all the time. I can't tell you how many times somebody has said, well, I can't tell you. because you're in the room. People saying I've never talked about this on any other show.

Yeah. And I think it's so funny that we started the podcast in your apartment, like over one little Yeti Mike. And then we were like, we got to have a studio. And then we like went to studio. We had a couple studios. Now we're like back here. I know. It's better. It is so much better. I hope you guys feel like it's better. I just like we get more out of guests. Yeah. Remember Paul. Yeah, our sound guy, Paul. Now I've no gauge for him being funny. I miss Paul though. Okay. What was the hardest you laugh? Okay. I can remember it. It was Mike and Mike and it was the gymnastics story. And the Mike Feeney and Mike Cannon. The episode is called Young Love.

And Mike Cannon tells a story about the adjutantasmus. I'm not going to give it away. It's at the very end of the episode. And the whole story is unbelievable. I was screaming. I fell off the couch. I was like, it was the funniest moment and it was a funniest story. And then that part where Mike Feeney goes,

where we were joking on Mike Cannon about all those things he did at the time. He was like in the military. And then Mike Feeney goes, you guys got to remember. He was on the Yankees at this point. I just will never forget it. I was screaming. I literally fell out the couch. it was one of my favorite moments of the entire podcast.

Absolutely. I was like, it's one of the episodes I've listened to five times. That story is, I just, I think that's my favorite story. I think you're right. I couldn't believe it. I just, it was unbelievable. I think that it's fun doing it with them too. It's funny that Chris and Janice and Mike and Mike are like part of it.

It's interesting to me to see these other comedic duos. Yeah. For us to like hang out with them and see their vibe. It really was the funniest story. I was on a plane. I was listening. I was convulsing and crying listening to this story. people were looking at me like what happened to her he fucked on the vault and the cheeseboard or

cheese board I don't know whatever so if you guys wanted um I think that episode was the last week of June yeah it's called young love yeah he was in June whenever it was I think Anna burner was the 17th okay oh my god rain it was my birthday oh yeah um and then maybe Mike and Mike were either the week before that or after but it's a great episode if you guys want check it out yeah it was great um also other moments I really enjoyed also with chrysacepano was holding his hand while we were recorded when Derek Path kept his hand on my thigh while we were recorded. Oh, that's just all about you being touched. It's fine.

Thinking about sleeping with Ari Shafir while we recorded. And then, of course, meeting all these brilliant, incredible women that have been on the show. But mostly it's about the hot guys that have come on. Well, really, though, to talk about the women, we've become friends with these people. You know, like I think, well, we went on Bremu's podcast first, but then she came on ours. I mean, we're friends with her, the same with Hannah. That was the first time we really hung out with her and chatted with her.

and chatted with her at length. So obviously we become friends with Nikki. I wasn't friends with Nikki before we had her on our podcast. We had her on our podcast. She brought us on our radio show. Heather, I'm trying to think of others. I wanted to be friends with Amy Chan. I don't really know.

She's great. She wants to get drinks with that. Does she? But you're right. I do love this. I know people see photos of us together and they're like, are they friends? But yes, there's like this amazing community of women in New York.

They're in comedy. They're in podcasting. And I love like the spirit of inclusion. we've all been on each other's shows. They've been on our shows. And I just, I love that, like, there's so much sharing amongst all these women. Yeah. And because I, and not that men haven't had enough on their shows, too, but I just, I think we've, like, really uplifted each other and there's a lot of, like, cross-promotion. And I, the other day we got, like, tagged on this thing that was like, My Favorite Podcasts are, like, Be There in Five and Heather McMahon and

Hannah Burner. And I was like, oh my God, like, we've had them all on our show. Yeah. They're all great. Oh, God. Yeah. Be There in Five. Kay Kennedy. She has a live show tonight. It will have already passed when you listen this. She has a live show at Carolines. I'm opening her show. I opened Grace and Becca show. Oh yeah, Grace and Becca. Yeah. Well, they haven't been on ours that we hope to have them on. Like Casey, it's just such a, it's so nice.

Yeah. So in case you guys are wondering, yes, we're friends with all these people and genuinely are. Yeah, they've come to birthday parties and housewarmingings and New Year's. My New Year's kiss was a three-way kiss between me, Derek Path, and Hannah Burner. It was wet. Wet? Yeah, it was wet.

Ew. I mean, that's always going to be my favorite thing about doing this show. Yeah. I know it's kind of funny. I feel like I bring on girls. I want to be friends with. Rainer brings on guys. She wants to fuck.

That really is. That is it. Seriously, I saw Arias if you're on Netflix. I'm like, I have to fuck that guy. I don't even know if I've ever been recording and been like, I like this guy. I'm trying to think. I mean, guys have walked in and I'm like, oh, they're so hot. But I know better, you know?

You don't. No, I don't at all. Anything else about the 100th episode? And we have our two-year anniversary coming up pretty soon, too. So we'll recap some more stuff. Yeah. I'm proud. You know, like, that's 100, 103 episodes that we like, you know, anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours long and all the time we spent like conceptualizing it, picking guests, picking topics on our own, editing, all the things.

Yeah. I mean, it's just, I don't know. Well, thank you. I feel accomplished. Thank you for all the work you do. I love you. I love you. And just while we're like talking about all these comedians that have been on our show, we told you guys we're going to try to do some more stuff with charity. So we will be throwing a charity event this week. They're both sold out. But we have all comedians that have been on our show. So I want to just shout them out.

So like Nikki and Jared and Francis and Mike Cannon, Casey Balsham, Chris Cephano, they've all. Mike Feeney. I'm such a dick. I'm sorry. All volunteer their time. And we decided we want to do this charity to donate money to Australia. And literally every person we texted said yes immediately.

So it's so cool that they donate to their time. And if you guys are coming, we're super excited for this week to see you guys at Chelsea Music Hall. Yeah. We'll see you guys on Thursday. I mean, yeah, we're not making a dime. Nobody's making any money. And Chelsea Music Hall either. Yeah, Chelsea Musical all either.

And none of the comedians, you know, and we're just, we're going to give it all to the World Wildlife Federation, Australia. Yeah. All right. Well, let's talk about a recent date you had. Oof. I want to say it was top five, but maybe top three worst dates I've ever been out. Oh, my God. kind of date where you go home and you call your ex, which I did. Yeah. Like it's so bad.

You're like, I just want to talk to somebody who like used to care about me. Yeah. It is so wild that a bad date or a bad experience with someone will make you miss an ex. Like I always joked. This was years ago where I dated two guys back to back. One didn't drink and one didn't have sex. And I just like got back with my ex because I was like, the bar is solo. Like I just want someone that can drink with me and wants to fuck me. And that's no shade to people that don't drink. Whatever. There was just some more issues there. And then, right after the guy that didn't drink. We met at D.Y school was the guy that I found out was a born-again virgin.

And then I was like, what is going on with my life? And my ex asked me to a wedding. And was like, we're back together. Like, whatever. This is it. You're it. And he was not it. But nothing will make you run back faster.

Yeah. It's weird because, like, you let this date, like, define you in some way. It's like, it's two, three hours of your life. Like, who cares. I, like, picked up the phone and I called that guy in Charleston that I was dating. And I was like, I just want to talk to somebody who, like, who's fun to talk to. Yeah.

It really does. it puts you in such a dark place. But the interesting thing is that this wasn't like a rando. This is someone you knew. Yeah. I guess you could just say it. When was my neighbor? Who I've been sleeping with for a long time.

Months. Two quarters. Ten months. We've just never hung out outside of, I've never seen him outside of the building. Yeah. You guys like had a really solid fuck buddy situation. Yeah. And I tried to repurpose him.

It was not good. Yeah. And I don't like, I'm sure he's like a nice guy. guy. Yeah. He's not like a bad person. And I will say that like he had been drinking for probably hours before he met up with me. So like maybe it's not his best performance. Like he'd been watching football playoffs with some friends for the day. So when he met up with me, he probably was already drinking. It was just like one of those dates where like everything is bad. Everything I said was like a non-starter. Every joke I made. He didn't laugh at it. Everything he said to me was like these crazy long like

mansplaining situation. He was like flirting with the bartender. He made me. pay for my own shit. It was just like every single thing that somebody can do to be like disinterested in you. Like he did all of it. Yeah. It was. Uh,

yeah. It's disappointing. I mean, whatever. Like, we probably would have dated if we were going to date it, if you've been sleeping with somebody for all this time. Right.

If you were going to date that person, you'd be dating. Well, you guys didn't have each other's numbers. It's funny because I feel like as soon as he got your number, which after, you know, eight months of fucking, but he finally got your number.

And then he, he passed you out right away, which I find mind blowing. Like, It's crazy to me. Like, I told you this and you laughed very hard so guys don't get offended. I was like, you know, I just didn't think he was ever into you. Like I think and vice versa.

I thought you guys were like, we fuck in the building. That's what we do. Sometimes I'm being on the roof. He never wears shoes. This is what it is. And then you guys left the building. And like, I am shocked that he wanted to take you out. You know, like it's so weird.

It's like, oh, he's just been waiting for your phone number for eight months. Immediately. Immediately. We hung out on Tuesday night. Immediately. He, like, asked me to hang out on Friday night. I quit because I was with Melanie. And then Saturday, he asked me out.

I was like, yeah, sure, I'll come meet you. I don't know what's going to be like outside of the building to, like, talk. But we've never really taught. We never been sober around each other. Like, we always just meet after we're drunk. We fuck, whatever. So, yeah, I mean, it was just like one of those. I can talk to anybody.

You and I talk for a living. We invite people on this podcast all the time. We've never even met before. And we create conversation out of nothing. Right. And, like, this is a person who I know. Nothing I said, like lit a fire in him at all. He had no interest in follow-up questions.

He mansplained surfing to me for like 45 minutes. I thought it was a joke. Yeah. I kept laughing. I thought that like his slow talk explaining me surfing on television was, you look around for the hidden camera. Like, this can't be real. He has to be joking.

He just seemed like disinterested in anything I had to say. He never like laughed or smiled. But who he did seem interested in was the bartender. Because when I went to the bathroom, I came back. He was like leaned over the bar talking to her. when I sat down, didn't ignore neither of them, acknowledged that I'd come back from the background. So I picked up my phone and started texting you.

Yeah. Okay. I want you to tell the pain thing because this happened to me. I don't want to like, it just like drives me crazy. I just think that like there's so many opinions about like who should pay, when you should pay. And I think that like I love talking about it with you.

I could talk about it forever. Yeah. Like I sat down. This specific situation is what's like crazy. Okay. I sat down. He'd already, I was late.

So I sat down. He already had a drink. And the bartender was like, We're a dive bar. And the bartender was, I ordered a drink. And the bartender was like, it's going to be, what, $15 or something. And he didn't say, like, oh, I have a tab open. Just put it on that.

It's so crazy. And I was just like, okay, do I have to pay now? And he was like, well, yeah, just, like, give me a card. And I was like, like, took out of the car. And I was, like, fumbling for my car because I had, like, a new purse. It was kind of stiff. I couldn't find the card. And at no point did he say, like, we're here together.

Just put it on my tab. I cannot. Also, like, every time I'm with him, I give him alcohol for my apartment. It's not like this is a person I've never hung out with before. Like, I've given you things. Yeah. So, and then he ordered some drinks and I'm, I was pretty drunk. I think they might have gone on my tab.

Oh, my God. And then at the end of the night, the bartender was like, okay, you guys want to close out. And like, he just sat there and let me pay for my own drinks, didn't offer. Like, it was weird. It felt like uncomfortable and sort of weird. And also just like cheap because you're at a dime bar also. Yes. Like you and I've talked about like, I don't think somebody, like you said a person,

somebody shouldn't have to sponsor your evening. Yeah. But I think the drinks were like, $10, $12, and I had three. It's so crazy to me because if I am meeting a girlfriend for a drink, like I met I met girlfriends for drinks. We actually went to the Christmas bar like Rolf's like a week ago, which was so fun.

And like walked in and like Ellen had her car down. So she was like, yeah, I have a tab open. I guess the thought there is like when you're with your girlfriends, you know at the end of the day or at the end of the time you're going to split it because you're friends and a guy just thinks if she puts her drinks on my tab, I'm clearly never going to get this money. Whatever. I'm just guessing that's the mindset.

But like I remember that happened to me. This was a guy. I mean, I'll try to make the like long story short, but we had dated a little bit in Atlanta. He moved away. And we reconnected randomly years later via social media or something. I went to like, went to go to Chicago like on a girl's trip, but really to see him.

We've been talking every day, sexting every day. Like this was like the master sex star I've mentioned before. whatever go meet him at this bar. I flew there. Like I'm here. Like I got a spray tan. Like I go meet him his bar and he had, he beat us there. I was there with the girlfriend. Because again, still trying to keep it casual, even though I already know I was going to go home with him and stay with him. And I remember getting there and he didn't even offer to get me a drink. He had a tab open. He had a drink right in front of him. Tab behind the bar. Didn't even I, he watched me

order a drink and put my car down. I had flown there to hang out with him. Guy had a job. He had a nice apartment. This wasn't like he has no money. He's and he's an adult. He was probably 30 something at the time. And I was so wildly turned off and my heart just sunk because I hate weird cheapness and like it's just, it's not how I would act with anybody. Like if my

if a friend came to visit me, I would buy them at least their first drink, probably get around for everybody like what he should have done if you wanted to impress me at all, fuck me, anything would be like, hey girls, can I get you a round? Yeah. Right. And also I'd like wildly turn on. It's just it's

So it's the weird manners. I hate it. But to me it's just manners. Because I wasn't, we talk about this a lot. Like, I wouldn't like this behavior from my parents,

from a friend. Like, it'd be so weird to me if I was with a girlfriend and she, like, made me put my own car down. And like, yes, I'm glad you brought up the age thing. Like, this guy was 40 years old,

has a good job, has a nice apartment. Like, this is not somebody who couldn't afford a third. Not that, nobody owes me anything. It just, it felt, the manners felt weird. If I'm like fumbling with my purse,

I can't find my car for you to not just be like, yeah, this maker's mark on the rocks, it's 10 bucks, you can throw it on my tab. It's so bizarre to me. Like, anybody that came to meet me if I beat them first and I already put my card down, I'm like, I have a job at the bar. Whatever, it's fine. You know, even when I had no money, I acted like that. Me too. And every friend I'm with, I would never be like, yeah, you have to pay me. I don't know. It's weird. I just, I want there to be like a takeaway from the situation.

They're like, you don't have to tolerate people being rude to you. And if you think that somebody is being like impolite or rude, if they are mansplaining shit you want to date, if they don't laugh or care about anything you stay, then like, you don't ever. have to go out that person again. Have two drinks and leave. Yeah. And like, I had to walk home with him afterwards. Oh my God. Yeah. But I didn't sleep with him. I got out of the elevator and I was like, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Yeah. Like, you don't have to sleep with somebody. Even if you've slept with somebody 10 times, you'd not have to sleep with that person. Like, if somebody makes you feel bad, then fuck that. Yeah. Absolutely.

The money thing was weird. The flirting with the bartender. I cannot. Have you ever dealt with that? I was thinking about this because you asked me if I'd been on like a terrible date. not like so blatant flirting. I don't know what I would do. I'm like not really as rational as you. I think I would like flip out. I don't know. It would piss me off so much like blatantly flirting in front of me on a date.

Unless I guess it was a stranger from an app, you know, but you know this guy and it's so disrespectful and rude. I was trying to think of like the worst date. I went on it. I was with that guy in Miami and I left because we were like not having a good time as a whole on the weekend. That was a guy I knew. But you know, it was just like some weird,

some weird money behavior and some like weird stuff. he then yelled at me for texting, but I was already like, I'm over the state. I'm not having you here to text. I'm like, I'm texting because I hate this date. Okay. So, but I, my first Tinder date, first out of the gate, like,

2014, maybe, I think, maybe 2013. I think 2014, like, God, I remember the first night I even was on the couch on Tinder and I was like, this is crazy. Like, do you remember? Like, the first time you swipe on an app for the first time, it's like, this is fucking crazy. Like, this is wild.

feel I'm like the first time I match with a guy I was like can he see me? Like it was so crazy. Yeah the first time I went on Tinder I was with like eight people. It was like a group project. It was like the most fun thing but then I was like I feel so shallow. It was like so many emotions were running through my head and it was just crazy. Match with somebody went on a date and I was like so excited because I was like

oh my God like I'm going to have a boyfriend. So I was like this is how it works. And we met up at a bar. If you're listening to you live in Atlanta, if we went at the bar at parish. I was right near where I lived on the beltline and he looked just like his pictures, and he just, he just didn't like me. You know, you like just feel,

and I'm not saying that I really liked him. I kind of felt like he was a little bit boring, but I was like, I was working with it. And I was like trying to be flirty and trying to be cute. And he just like wasn't having it. And I don't know. I mean, I felt like I did this then. I did this.

I do this now that I look like my pictures. You know, I maybe he just didn't like my vibe or maybe he just was that type of person. But I felt like so. like, you ever know that feeling where you're like, I feel gross, I feel rejected. Like, I feel like this person just doesn't want to be here with me. They're not even like looking at me. Like the body language is off. And I remember just we had like two drinks. You know, I was starving because like, I'm in my head. I'm like, we're going to go for drinks, but we're going to get along and we're going to have food because I'm so naive and it's my first app date. But I remember

walking home on the beltline that night and call my mom and just crying and being like, I'm never going to find anybody. Like that's your, that's for your first out of the gate app experience. It was so devastating. But I feel for you and like I know that's true. So so many girls have been on that date and have left and like called their mom, called next and cried. And now I would never care. But I think the first one, I was like, this is what's out there. And I feel so undesirable. I think that you would care. I think anybody would care if you spent two hours of your time with somebody and they like clearly had written you off. And like, I think that what you're describing is sort of what happened to me the other night. I think that he was just like, I'm not interested. I don't think he had a good time either. You know, I don't think he was

sitting there like, this is so great. Well, that's a thing. You weren't like, it's mute. but at least you treated him with respect. I think I did. And like I also think like at the end of the date, like, you know, you make the list of all the things about the person. Like he's not a bad person. I don't think he's like a liar or I don't know if he's a cheater. But like I think he's a nice person.

I think like we just didn't vibe. But I think that there's like a way to behave and be polite when you decide that. There's a way to not behave him. And I think that like not offering to pay and openly flirting with other women in front of me and his body language. He was like talking about another couple in the bar. He was facing them. It was super embarrassing for me.

Yeah, like, yeah, there's a million ways to do it and not make somebody feel bad. Yeah. But I hope that people don't feel like it's a reflection on them. Like, I showed up looking nice, cute, not complaining about stuff. I did the right thing. Right. And like, neither of us have talked since then. So I'm sure it's like super mutual.

Yeah. Yeah. And of course, I mean, if you ever feel like unsafe or at risk in any way, like just leave. Like, just go. Like, just get out of there, you know. Yeah. But as far as just like a bad day, like, it's just worse. But we've all been there.

Yeah. So I'm glad we talked about it. It feels good to get it off my chest. And I didn't sleep with them. I didn't feel bad getting out of the elevator. I was like, fuck this nonsense. I'm done with this shit. But it was funny that you guys like, you guys have slept together like multiple times and you were just like, well, see you later. We went on one day and I was like that's the end of us fucking. No, but didn't you, his floor comes first, right? Mine comes first. Your comes first. When you were riding up, had you discussed not. He didn't hit the button for his floor while we were. riding up. Get off of mine first. Yours first. So it would have made sense for him to hit his if he didn't expect him. And then what you said? I think I just said like, I'm pretty tired. He was like, yeah, same. He was like, yeah. He wasn't like, he was like standing in the door

trying to hold it open. Like I stepped out and I was like, I'm tired. The door to shut. He was like, what if you were just like, I'm feeling really tired. And he was like, oh, thank God. I'm sure that is how he found. I'm sure he didn't enjoy this shit either. Like, of course. I think like, can you be enjoying like what is happening right now? Like, no one's happy. You can't be, I don't know who would enjoy this shit, but I didn't. Yeah, it's always fun. I want to know people have had dates where, like, one party is having the time of their life. They're like, this is the best date ever.

And the other person is like, I hate this. That's what happens all the time. Like, what happened with me? A couple years ago, the one that you made fun of me because he was ugly that I was so in love with. And we'd be the best date of all time. And I was like, we're going to get married. I can't stop talking to him. It's so fun and flirting and we keep making out.

Never talked to me again. Yeah. Well, actually, yeah, I am trying to think I've definitely gone on a couple dates. probably no more than two or three, probably all app dates that I hated. And the guy was like, love to hang out again. And you're like, oh, why? What date were you on? I remember this one guy, this is when I learned the hard and fast rule of someone is only as good looking as their worst picture. And they're probably not even that good looking. You know what I mean? Like, I think this guy, he had one or two pictures that made him look pretty attractive. And

I kind of overlooked the others. I was just hoping. I remember a dry-cleaned his shirt for this date, and I walked in, I was so upset. He looked at this most slender lady fingers. He was, like, so small. He could stop staring at his fingers. He was definitely at least a ginger too short than he had said,

but also, like, so teeny tiny. And he had lived in L.A. And he was telling him about some weird acting gigs. And I just was like, I ordered, like, nachos for myself. That's how, that's the universal sign for I'm probably not going to fuck you. So I'm going to shovel 5,000 calories of food in my mouth in front of you.

I literally don't care about you at all. I'm going to start with the nachos, and I'm going to have the chicken harm. Oh my God. I love looking at my friends' bios like guys, like dating stuff because I'm like, you don't look like that. I don't know how you took a photo to look like that,

but you don't look like that. And that, that is, that's the rule for guys. They are only as good looking as their worst photo on a dating app. All right. Well, girls, stay woke. 20. Don't get tricked. Since we are talking about our 100th episode,

I will say the thing that I'm really proud about, looking back, like, I think it was a be our fourth or fifth episode. I'd gone on a date with this guy. The way that I spoke about him was really, like, aggressive and angry and disappointed. And I will say, like, 100 episodes in. I am proud that I think I've learned. And hopefully everybody has learned through the show that, like, this stuff isn't that big of a deal. He's not a terrible person.

He's just not my person. You know, I'm not mad at him. It's two hours of my life. And I don't think that it's some horrible reflection on me, like that I can't find two hours a conversation with somebody. I think in 100 episodes through all of our guests and through being friends with you and talk about this stuff, I've mellowed out how I feel about this stuff. I'm not, it just doesn't define me and it's not the end of the world

and I'm not mad and I don't hate him. Right. Yeah, for sure. And it's, you know, I think it's like if people are rude to you, that's one thing or they make you like feel unsafe in any way. But other than that, it's just like, that was kind of a waste of time, but whatever. You know, like, it's, it is annoying.

It's nothing to get, like, enraged about, but it is annoying to waste hair and makeup at the end of the day. I know. I put hair extensions in for this. That's what I'm saying. If you put hair extensions in for that, mm-mm. But I did a smoky eye.

Like, this is such a waste. I did full, like, I did, like, live show makeup. Did you see? I didn't even, I don't know if I sent you this. I can't stop talking about the Facebook group. Um, some girl was like, let's start a thing in the Facebook group where if you, basically, if you have a bad date, it's the, like, girls got to rescue squad.

so you can go meet up with girlfriends after so you don't waste your hair and makeup and you get to like hang with your girlfriends it was like the cutest thing I've ever seen. I love this so. Well, I mean like in every city. The alternative is that you go home and you like call your ex. So like what how great it was.

It was late when I left. So like how I didn't even meet him to like 945. But how great it would have been to like go meet up with my friends and like joke about it. Nothing makes you feel better than that. I need that rescue squad. Oh, Gigi rescue squad. Yeah.

That is so cute. I totally forgot to mention this up top. Just got to say it. It's Monday, January 13th. If you're listening, this is National Championship. College football game tonight. Clemson is in it. Again, reigning champions, Trevor Lawrence forever.

So anyway, just got to say go tigers. They're playing the LSU Tigers. Alabama is not in it this year. Their dynasty is over. So when I was watching the playoff game when they played Ohio State, so many guys were tagging me and you were like, I'm watching this just

because Ashley went to Clemson. It was really cute. And I'm so glad that. they beat Ohio State because we love Ohio State, but I was having flashbacks of literally doing the Ohio State cheer at our Columbus shows. And it was like, I can't believe I did this. Like, I have an Ohio State toy for Dewey. Like I love them, but I'm like, if they would have won, I would have been like,

I'm solely responsible for this. Or the Ohio T-shirt to the Pittsburgh airport. Such a flex. I don't know anything about college football. All the words you just said, I want to be like, yeah, whorrah, but I went to Indiana. We didn't even have a football team. So like, yeah, go Clemson. Go Clemson.

Tigers on tigers and tigers. Oh, also both stadiums call themselves Death Valley. This is a big thing. Oh. Yeah, so it's like the championship for who gets to claim the real Death Valley, Tire. It's just a lot. It's a big game.

All this is lost on me, but I'm excited for you. I'm excited for the Instagram stories. Ladies, if you're listening, just watch it for Trevor Lawrence. That's our quarterback. He's fucking hot. He has amazing hair. Is he still dating that girl? No, they broke up.

Him and his girlfriend broke up. I think how do you know the thing? Because I stay on top of 24-year-old boys. Oh, my God. No, 24, please. He's like 19. What did I say? Okay, okay, he plays college. Yeah. Okay, stay on top of 24-year-old.

19's for you. Yeah, 19. He's probably 20. I think he's one more year left. Anyway, go Tigers. We'll talk about next week, but they're probably going to win again. Oh, I can't say that. I don't want to jinx it. But, well, I just love all of our little Southern girls anyways. So I'm just excited for them. Yeah. Well, this was a super long intro, but you guys are welcome. 100th episode. We were going to give you TV recommendations, but we're running out of time. We'll do it next week. Who cares? Every week, they'll still be TV. Banderpump rules started last night. Oh, totally. I got and forgot to say. We're recording the. We're recording this right before we go to DC. So we will chat about DC and the shows next week. I'm sure they

were amazing. No, that girl, she literally doesn't care at all. If you could not talk about your live shows because I literally don't care at all. That was the funniest thing anybody's ever. You know what, in 100 episodes, that's the funniest thing anybody's ever said to me. Could you please change this show for me specifically? I literally don't care next episode, episode 101, all I should. You know, we're going to comb our emails for all things you guys hate and no, I'm just kidding. Not, no, it's like so many few people. We should come in the emails for all the things that people have said for us not to do and just double down.

20-20 vibes. You and I are pretty clear on the news between somebody giving us like constructive feedback that we list to and somebody literally writing because I literally don't even care at all. It's like, okay, then that all. I'm going to make fun of that for the rest of my life. Yeah. You guys saw what we did with someone calling a stupid live shows. We turned it into our brand.

So we live for it. Yeah, keep hating. Or don't. You know, you know, don't do it. Okay, guys, we have an extra special guest in the House Studio with us today. He is a comedian. He is a digital content creator. He has been making videos and memes that I've been following forever.

We know him as Chris Burns. You guys know him as Fat Carrie Bradshaw's. Thank you and welcome to the House Studio. Hi, thank you so much. You did not say House Studio with us and Dewey. Dewey is also here. Dewey's right now. He's being so lovely.

He's a wonderful animal. He's so sweet. I do love him. This is the exact kind of dog that I like. Yeah, I saw. Dossile? Well, I just don't, should I, do people just call you Carrie? Yeah.

Okay. I like fat carry, like fatty and me. Yeah, I like any of it. Okay. Like, when we were talking about you coming over, I was like, one of four times fat carry coming over. I love it, though. Like, what if that was my born name?

Like, your name isn't Chris Burns. No, see, that's a, I, that's why. If you name your kid a two-syllible thing, it's like, What are you doing for them? It's also like a hot name. I thought Chris Burns. Yeah, Chris Burns is a strong. If Chris Burns was like a straight man, I think that's a different story.

But you're just not a Chris Burns. He would be in a boy band. Yeah. Or like a Wall Street broker that, you know, like cheats on his wife. Yes. Yeah. And skis. That's like addicted to cocaine and then also goes to the Swiss house.

Loves fresh pow-pow. I dated that guy for sure. Love all kinds of snow. Yes. Literally. And that's what his joke always is. That's Chris Burns. And that's straight Chris Burns.

Well, thank you for being here. Alter ego. I love your Instagram account. Ashley and I. like die over your memes. It's very funny. Wait, we, I'm trying to think of one. I mean, we posted a few. But I think I'm remember one we did about, oh my God, I'm remembering both of them in this moment. One was about not being invited to a wedding, I think. Yes, that sounds like what was it? You like, oh, like you can invite me and I'll be pissed or you cannot invite me

and I'll be pissed. Yes. And then the other one was my brain like, say I'm sorry, say I'm sorry, say I'm sorry. And then it was like, you don't just hurt me or like something crazy. Yeah, yeah. We did it for the apology episode. That also sounds like me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we've used a few to go with our episodes. There's always like a Fat Carrie meme to correlate with our topics.

I appreciate that. I live for it. So this is your, this is not your full-time thing, Fat Carrey. You do all kinds of digital. Unfortunately, no, it's not. Your videos are great. Thank you. You're welcome.

Yeah, I write the videos, a lot of the videos for Betches, not only mine. Okay. So, like, even if I'm not in them, sometimes I've written them. but sometimes not. I want to talk about coming out and also the creation of fact, Carrie Bradshaw.

I don't know which to do first. We can do the coming out first. Okay. Okay. So you're from New York, right? Yeah, I'm from a suburb of Albany. Okay. I'm trying to, like, paint like a cultural picture.

So, like, if you've never been to Albany, it's kind of like the south of New York, I would say. It's like, like, upstate is a very different vibe. Totally. Yeah. than here. Right. So it's like not, I didn't know any gay people before.

Growing up. Like growing up. I mean any like out gay people at least. And you're 29 just so people know like what age you are. Because like I think when Ashley and I were in high school, like I didn't know anybody that was gay, but I knew people that were, you know what I mean? I knew people that were gay. They just weren't out and gay. Yeah, yeah.

Exactly. But I didn't know like adults that were gay either. Like I had one friend who had a gay uncle, but he lived in the city and he would like, come up occasionally, but I still didn't like understand. Like I didn't never thought I was gay until I was like 16 and I realized I was like, oh my God, what everyone's saying behind my back is probably true. That's interesting that you didn't know. Do you feel like you were like just not, do you feel like your friends were attracted to

girls and you were like, what is this all about? Well, like all of my friends were girls. So that should have been the first. Gotcha. And I remember my older brother saying to me once, like all of your friends. friends or girl, like listing all the gay things about me. And he was like, there's only one piece left to the puzzle. And I was like, oh my God. And that was when I was like 12. But I used to like hard and fast be like, I'm not gay. Stop it. Were you like wanting to wear girls clothes or do

your nails or anything? Yes. But I wouldn't. I realized that that was a gay thing to do later on in the game. So I like hid doing anything like that. But when I was younger, my mom used to babysit. And And I would make the kids she babysat, like, put on fashion shows and stuff and use, like, the blankets as dresses and stuff. They were, like, full, like, brutal. I used to make my brother put on a pink nightgown. I put breads in his hair. Oh, same with Matt. I mean, Matt was, like, always dressed as a girl.

My mom, when my mom found out a couple times, I did that to my brother, it was, I thought she was going to kill me. Well, my mom was like, my mom was so open. She's such a, like, hippie. Like, she was, you know, a girl I loved Barbies and my friends will come over when we play Barbies. and my brother just, like, wanted to be my friend. I was, like, so mean to him. It was, like, the saddest thing ever. And he was, like, four years younger,

and he was just always trying to play with us. So my mom got him a Barbie. And I was like, this is bullshit. And I was like, he can't play Barbies with us. Get this little queen out of here. Yes, not because I was being homeless. Her brother's, like, seven feet tall. It's fair.

But I was like, he can't play with us. I don't care what kind of toys he has. This is not a playtime for him. So I, this is, guys, this is fucked up. I don't know how I knew this. I found nail polish remover and I wiped the Barbie's face off. So I like, okay, I never fully understood when you said you were mean to Matt, like what that meant. That is, that is like some serial killer shit.

Took the face off as Barbie. I was like, did you kill any animals? Oh, no. What the fuck? Was he upset? Yeah. And I think my mom was like, I give up. Like, she's such a cut.

Like, we just have to wait until she gets an age. We can send her away. It was. Yeah, but. That I always wanted like, doll shit, but I had two brothers. So, and even my mom, like, my mom grew up with four brothers. And my dad only had four brothers. brothers.

Oh, wow. And then my mom only had three sons. So I was like, it wasn't like there was a lot of feminine. So many boys. Around. And then you came out at 21. Yeah. I came out at an Outback Steakhouse at a strip mall in Albany.

I need more detail. So I. Literally. Yes. Over a blooming onion. Had you been like dating men? No. Okay.

When I, I think I like fully realized I was gay when I was like 18 was when I was like, okay, well, this is not going away. And so then I just convinced myself, like, I'll just never date anybody. So you tried to, like, put yourself, like, in an asexual box. Yeah, for a long time, which now I think has fucked me up a lot. Looking back, I'm like, well, that probably wasn't the healthy route to go. Well, who the fuck knows what the healthy route to go at?

Because I was like, I'll just be, like, really successful and, like, not care and whatever. I'll have, like, horses and I'll get pets. And I'll just never get married and it'll be fine. I'll do, like, a pony rescue. Literally, I was like, I'll never have to come out because I'll just never date anyone. Oh, too many horses. Yeah. Which now I'm like fully, I think, allergic to horses.

So I can't even ride them, you know? I've ridden a horse once in my life maybe, mind you. But I was out, out back with my best friend from growing up and we were sitting at this giant table just the two of us because I don't know. I remember the table being like enormous. 12 top. in the middle of the restaurant. And I felt like if I didn't say it, like, in that moment, I was going to actually die.

So I was just like, wouldn't it be weird if you were a lesbian? And she knew what was going on. Like, we've been friends since we were six years old. And I remember when we were like 12, her being like, my mom and Aunt Susan think that you're gay. So, like, I've always known that that was what was being talked about behind my back. And so I was like, wouldn't it be weird if you were a lesbian? And she's like, no, wouldn't be weird. I would just be a lesbian.

like, okay, well, it's good you that you said that because I'm gay. And she was like, yep. Everybody knows? Yeah, she was like, yeah, I mean, I know. We figured. And I was like, don't tell anybody yet. Like, my parents can't know. I can't tell my parents.

And so then that day I dropped her off at her house. I was home for the summer. And I like dropped her off at her house. And as soon as I pulled away, my phone rang. And it was her mom, like, crying. And she's like, I'm so happy. for you and I was like oh no she's telling everybody and then her dad called me and then like what I was like very close with her family yeah um like we grew up next door to each other and then like her siblings and she has like a hundred first like literally in the first day and I was like this is overwhelming and my parents are gonna be so mad if they find out that I told them before like I told my parents yeah so then the next day I was like I guess I have to tell my parents and I was working at

at her family's liquor store at the time. So the next morning I had to like go to work at her family's liquor store. And my mom was picking weeds in the front yard. And I literally just went up to my mom like right before I got in the car for work. And I was like, uh, I think that I'm gay and started crying. And she was like, oh, this is something you've been thinking about for a while. And I was like, yeah, but I have to go to work. You can tell.

Tell dad, bye. Literally I was like, you can tell dad. And my brothers, thanks. and then I literally went to work and came home and like immediately went to my room. And then my dad came to my room and he was like, well, mom told me. And I was like, told you what? And he was like, ah, that you're gay. And I was like, oh, that.

Yeah, I think he was like, just can you make sure, like, have sex with both for a while and just make sure. Drive all the cars before you pick one. Yeah, which I think like a lot of people are like, oh my God, that's so fucked. up. I'm like, no, he was just like, that was his way, I guess. Yeah. That sounds like a partially wanted to be supportive, partially like, are you sure? Yeah. Just make sure. And I think their fear, because they didn't know any gay people either. So I think a lot of times parents, like, I spent 21 years like coming to terms with it. They found out that day. And they were like genuinely surprised. Yeah. Yeah. Which I'm like,

how are you generally? Both my brothers were like, fucking obviously. Oh, your brothers were. Yeah. My brothers were like, yeah. But my parents were like genuinely Because I was like you really didn't Have any idea I'm like no Probably what does like partially like But again I'm like they don't notice

They don't know what gay like looks like They just thought I was different Do you know that I went To a Bravo thing And one of the guys from Southern Charm Was there I don't watch Southern Charm Chef or Austin or Craig

Craig Okay Makes Pillars But I've met like a lot of those guys and I like them. But it was like backstage at something and Carl from Summerhouse was talking to me and kept calling me Fat Carrie

and Craig was like drunk and got mad at Carl and was like, stop. Like that's so fucked up. Like you can't say that to someone. You're just Gary to me man. And then I was like, oh my God, he thinks that my name is Gary and that Carl's just calling me Fat Gary. And then he's like, I'm making you a pillow.

Like I'm making you a pillow. Where should I send it? It's like a pillow for Gary. And I was like, oh, no. Amazing. Also, that is so Craig. Like, you know Craig always thinks he's like the mediator?

And they're like, Craig, you're not a good mediator. Like, because he was like in law school for a second. And they were like, he would always like create drama so he could mediate it. And they would be like, Craig, sit down. Like, you're the worst. He's like misdiagnosing this situation of what's happening. It was very. That is the most Craig story I've ever heard.

Thank you for sharing. I was like, he's like standing up for me. So I didn't really have the heart to be like, no, my name is not Gary. Was Carl having so hard? Carl was like kind of drunk too, so I don't think he really understood what was going on. He thought that you were getting made fun of for being fat. And he just like stepped up.

Yeah. Like Carl and I were just like having a conversation and Carl was calling me fat Carrie. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, that's why I was like, why is he like getting so mad at him? And then I realized he was saying Gary. That's amazing. Craig's like, I'm going to make it all better food. I'm going to send you a pillow. And I was like, honestly, that's so sweet.

Send it. Like, if you had a pillow right now at home that said Fat Gary, I was so happy. I really, we got to check in with Craig on this. I want a Fat Gary pillow. We want to text. I'm going to text a ship and ask where it is. Like, tell him to send one. I want it.

We need to start selling Fat Gary Pillow on our site. New March alert. Also, like, that's so awful. If my name was Gary, the only way you can make that worse is to call it Fat Gary. The only name, the only people that should be named Gary are stepdad's. It's like an oxymoron to say fat Gary, I feel like, right? They're always skinny. Yeah.

The consolation prize is a Charleston, South Carolina pillow. Yeah. Like, let me make up for all these years of ridicule. I can't you a fucking pillow. I can't. What took me to this? I don't even remember why I'm telling this story. I don't remember either.

Oh, because I called you Fat Carrie. Oh, yeah. What I was to ask you, like, before you came out, did you feel like you were like living, You've talked about, like, in your Instagram, I'm, like, feeling, like, worthless and ashamed of stuff. Like, did you feel like you were living a lie before all of this? Did this, like, kill you on the inside? Yes.

Okay. It did. Were you living out of the closet not amongst your closest friends? No. Like, before I literally said it, like, I was not out of the closet at all. Were you sleeping with men? No. Like, nothing.

I was like. He was a sexual horse guy. Yeah. I was. To, like, to be. You didn't have the horses. Yeah, I wanted, I was just, yeah, I didn't even have fucking horses. Like farm, loner, rancher.

Would you, like, make, would you, like, masturbate to, like, gay porn and feel ashamed of it? Yes. Okay. But never, like, gay porn. I would just watch, like, the regular, like, straight porn. And masturbate to the guys. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, so he said he tried to go. And then, like, read the comments to try to find the guy's name so that I could, like, search him. Okay. But then that, and this was all still when I have yet to admit to myself fully that I'm gay. I'm just like, it's just some different. Yeah. For sure. But, you know.

Different now, okay, later. I know that feeling that when you masturbate to something, it's so shameful. And as soon as you finish, you're like, I hate myself so much. You just like shut the computer and you're like, I can't live it.

What'd you do that recently too? I can't talk about it. Well, that's like an adult thing now. It's a different feeling of shame. Like if your computer fucking dies while you're watching something and then it's like the black screen

and you can see your reflection. It's black mirror. It's like, oh, God, what the fuck is on? The most disturbing episode of Black Mirror. Did you guys watch it? I've only seen a few episodes. The most disturbing one is this guy,

I don't want to give it away. He's masturbating to something and basically, like, his computer is tapped. And then the people that have tapped it, like start terrorizing all these people that were masturbating, basically to like kitty porn, I guess. Oh, I did see that episode, actually. I couldn't shake it for so long.

I was on, like, Reddit threads, like needing more info because it, like, fucked me up so much. I, like, couldn't get past it. Anyway, if you guys, like, if you want to feel really. Yeah. But I mean, that's, I feel like,

they were watching kiddie porn, right? Right. So it's like... Oh no, but it was like, then I was like that that kid. He was a kid kind of. He was like a teenager, right? He was like a teenager.

Yeah. That episode is fucked up. I'm not defending it. That's one of like two episodes I've seen. It was the most fucked up. I mean, he had to kill that guy and he was wild. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about all of that.

It was a wild ride. All right. So you told everybody you're gay. I was trying to keep us on track. You told everybody that you're gay. And then like, did that just like unleash the gates? You just fucking do. So it was the summer.

before I was a senior in college, and I went to Sunni Ononta. Okay. Which is like... It's like a pretty name. I guess. But it's like in the middle of nowhere and is a very big like college town of like frat bros and stuff. So even I was like out but not really living out probably until I moved to the city. Okay.

And I like moved here on a whim and was working at a restaurant in Chelsea and that's when I all of a sudden, I was like, wow, this is like a whole new world. But even now, I'm not like super, like sexual, I think. Okay. And I think a lot of that is derived from stifling for so long. Or not. I mean, whatever, I don't know your life that well. But, like, we talked to Taylor Strecker and she just, yeah, she just feels like she's not

sexual and nobody lives their truth more than her, you know. And Taylor and I actually have, like, had this conversation. And I think we have very similar views on. Yeah. And we actually wanted, I mean, we can talk more about it with you because we kind of feel like we didn't. We just had so much to talk about with her. It was like off the rails and we never really got to talk about this asexual for lack of a better word, I guess. Yeah.

I don't know. Because I'm not like, I wouldn't say that I'm asexual, but I could. If I had to live without it, I like could. I kind of feel like that too. Maybe it's just because it's been so long. Yeah. But I don't. Like if I was in love with someone.

And he was like, I can't have sex ever. And I really liked him. I would probably just be like, all right, well. You'd be like, well, what's your like money situation? Yeah. And if he was rich, fucking forget about it. Right. Done deal.

Do you feel like you had a moment where you were like, oh, I'm like finally living my truth? Like, I'm happy. I feel like I'm obviously out, but just I've, maybe it was when you developed like the carry thing. I don't know. Yeah. I would say when I probably like started like three,

years ago is when it started. Like when I started doing the videos and started doing drag, it was like a whole new world. What's true? When you're in drag, you can like do whatever you want and people will think that you're great. Like I can say anything I want in drag. Nobody comes for you when you're in a wig and a fur coat. Like really.

It's like a power. How do you get into drag? It takes forever. But I mean, did you were you like, oh. Like I thought you meant like literally how. I'm like, well, I shave. and then I start. No, like, how do you get into stand-up comedy?

You know, like, how do you- So the first thing, I was doing comedy, like, since I moved here. And then- Like, stand-up? Like, stand-up. I was, like, taking improv classes or, like, doing the whole everything, you know. And then I was in my friend's show at UCB that was called Keeping Up with the Kardashians episode 666, the Air to Kardashian Manor.

And I played Cam. And everyone else was just like women. And then I played Kim for whatever reason. And so that was the first time I like did full drag. And then that's when Hannah, burner saw me and asked me to start doing videos. So I like started doing drag for the videos. And then it like turned into doing drag like on stage.

Yeah. That's what you were discovered by Hannah. She was like your Simon Cow. Yes. And she'll tell you every chance she gets. She was like you. You do an amazing Kim, sweetie. And I really.

do. Thank you. Or I did. I don't know if I can do it anywhere. But yeah. I just feel like it's one of those things of when you start living your truth and then people like it. It is partially probably validation, right? I mean, I feel like that for all of us. You know, it's like the same thing is doing stand-up and people are laughing or people are buying tickets to see you or like, oh, I'm doing this thing that I love and I feel passionate about and is like authentic to me, but people are like signing up for it. Yeah. And I do a lot of like comedy in drag. So like that's like my favorite. right thing. Yeah.

I like this like paths that I think that like people ask us a lot. Like how do I find my passion or find the thing that I'm good at? And I think it's like a long road for a lot of people. It's like you just pick this thing that's fun and you do it. Then you meet other people through doing it. It like leads these opportunities. You didn't wake up and say I want to have 100,000 Instagram followers and be this like crazy like viral social media person.

You were just like I did this thing I liked and it led to another thing I liked. Yeah. You know, I just think there's like no rush. Like you should just lean into the things that you think are fun. Yeah. That's because I used to like Google, comedians that I loved and like how they got to their path. And it was like years of doing that.

And then I was like everyone has like a different story. And so I think that's really important to remind yourself is that just because you're not making the same steps as other people that are currently famous or you don't get things that people you admired once got. Like there's different ways to. The first step is just to do that one thing. Like it's just go do the mind. or go do the improv class or like just start.

I want to ask you a question about like your dating life. You're talking about something I thought was really interesting. I want to get into it. So what was the last time you were in like a serious relationship or any kind of relationship? Are you single now? Oh, I'm very single now. Okay. And I've never had like a full on relationship or they would never call it a relationship.

Let's say that. Okay. But I have had like, you know, things, I guess is how I would put it. but when I first couple years of like living, I had like my first gay kiss here. Okay. And it was like so lovely. So like this person,

even when I hated him the most, I was like that was still a glorious first kiss. And I'll like always, you know, whatever. I'll give him that. Every detail of it. We were at a bar on 14th Street. And it was like two o'clock in the morning. I need a visual.

Was it like a shitty one? Like the crocodile lounge? It was worse. It was, do you know McKenna's on 14th and 8th? 14th and 8th? It's like a real hole in the wall. Oh, like that's far. Okay.

It's like remodeled now and it's still a hole in the wall. And at the time it was not. But we worked together and I don't know, we like leaned over the table and it was like so beautiful and disgusting. But in the moment, I was like, this is the best day of my life. Oh, my gosh. How are you? 22.

Okay. You ever kissed anybody like a girl? I had kissed like girlfriends, but never... You never had like a kiss. Never like a real. You're never been kissed. I was never been kissed. And it was glorious.

And he knew too at the time. Like that was your first kiss? Yeah. But it was good. But then we hung out for like a year and I was like definitely in love with him. And he definitely knew but was not.

And I think we would hang out all the time and somebody, like a mutual friend was like, you know that? He like lives with his boyfriend. Oh. And I was like,

ugh. Did you think he like tried to hide it from you that he was in a serious relationship? Yeah, he never told me. Were you guys kissing and making it out and like hooking up? We were like kissing and like would always have like cuddle sleepovers,

but always at my house. Right. Of course. Obviously he lived with the point. Yeah. Well, he said his roommate. all the time. Uh-huh.

I was like, my roommate is home. But he was like, had his own issues at the time. Like he wasn't out to his family. Oh, okay. Um, and it was a whole thing.

And then he like brought his mom one time who was visiting, uh, and she didn't like speak English. And he introduced her to everyone and they were like speak and I don't speak fluent Spanish. So I don't know what they're talking about. Um,

but he introduced her to everyone else. we worked together at the restaurant except for me. And I was the only person that was like serving them on the floor. Yeah. And then he tipped very well. And it was very bizarre. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? And at this point he had broken up and moved out of his.

So he was like living on his own. Yeah. And then I slept at his house that night because she like went back. And I was like, why wouldn't you introduce me to your mom? And he was like, she felt sorry for you because you were so gay. Wait, what? And I was like, because she didn't know he was gay. And so it was like...

Oh. So in retrospect, like at the time I was, did not handle things well at all. And I like had to like leave and go to a different restaurant because I couldn't be around him when I realized that he was like having sex with other people. And for him to say something like that rude to you

that he just like put his shit on you. Yeah. And it was totally whatever. And so whatever. He is married to someone else now. But we. still have a lot of the same friends and we are like friendly now. And we like hashed it out recently because it was always very awkward because I was definitely holding a grudge.

But you fully were like, this is so devastating. I cannot be in the same work environment with this person. Like how did you make the decision to leave? Because I could not like, I had this feeling at one point where I was like, if he asked me to kill someone, I would do it. Like an obsessive love. Like I was like if he like I was in love to the point that I'm like if he needed me to like help him bury a body I would probably do it and go to jail for him. Which is fine if it's reciprocated for him. But I was like and it's not and that's when I was like but it's not I can't be doing this to myself.

And I can't murder somebody with him. And it snapped killer couple literally and I had a friend who like knew what was going on and she knew both of us and she was like this is never going to work out. It'll never be good for you. but you're never going to stop doing it until something happens like for you and you're going to stop doing it. She was like, nothing anyone's going to tell you will make you stop doing this.

And it was true. And then so then that was the one that I was like, I can't. Because there would be weird things. He wouldn't talk to me for like three weeks. This is so heartbreaking because I think people probably deal with this gay straight. It doesn't matter. Like the first person, like especially if you're a late bloomer.

Yeah. You have your first kiss at 22 and with this guy and you're like, well, I love you. Yeah, literally. And that's why I'm like, looking back, I'm like, I'm sure there's two sides to this story. So whatever, we talked about it not even a year ago, probably. It was like a moment. We've like had talked about it a little bit, but this was the first time that we talked about it and weren't like angry or like.

And ever since then, it's been good. But when you were in it, you never said like, I'm so, you never like vocalized your feelings. I did. Okay. And he would just kind of be like, I just don't want to like dive into any like serious thing right now and whatever. But then we would still be hanging out every day.

And he was the one that would kind of always drill in my head. Like fake it too. You'll make it like pretend you have confidence even if you don't. like don't waste your time on love. It's like a waste of time. And he would always say that. And now we're here and he's married. To a man.

To a man. Who's so nice, which kills me. He probably came out to his family event at some point. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't. I don't know, actually. Can I ask you a question?

It's not crafted to make you feel about him. Genuinely, like, curious. Like at the age of 29, if you've never had like a serious relationship, I think a lot of people are in that bucket. Yeah. Do you feel embarrassed when you meet somebody that might be a romantic partner admitting something like that.

Yes. At like 25, I would be like fine with it. But now at 29, I'm like, I'm not going to tell someone that. Yeah. Until I've known them for. But I just don't think it's that crazy. Like from high school to college to all through my 20s, I mean, I had boyfriends. I had plenty of sex.

I had a guy I dated on and off for years, mostly long distance. But I didn't really have that. love, living together at one point, saw a future really serious, were, you know, cuddled up watching Netflix every night type of relationship until I was almost 30, 30 years old, you know? Yeah. Again, I totally agree with Ashley. It's not that, especially in New York to, like, not have had a serious relationship at 29.

I don't think it's that crazy. Like, what advice would you give other people that are like, like, maybe like late to the game for serious relationships? I mean, I guess because I do feel, and sometimes it's just like, I don't feel like dealing with the reaction or like having the conversation about why I haven't. So that's why I won't say things a lot. But then if I hear from someone else that they haven't and they're like older than I am, I'm like, oh, that's so inspiring to me or whatever. Yeah.

So I guess like you have no reason to be ashamed. Like nobody else is going to think, like nobody's going to like think you're a loser because of that. Right. Although I feel like some people will be like, oh, I can't get involved with. him because he's going to be crazy and they're right. But. Well, but you also got that like obsessed in love heartbreak out of the way. Like I, you know, I think that there's people that could be late 20s, early 30s, 40, I don't know, that never got their heartbroken. And that's where I'm a little like, oh, okay. Like,

I feel like you've literally had your heartbroken. Like I feel like, I'm like, that's like all I know. Like that's the main thing to, that's the only really requirement. I feel like to know what relationships are like is like I was in love with somebody and they and I got my heart broken. So I feel like I'm ready for anything. And that is. I'm like, you know what? I've had like the darkest moments right of my life.

I feel like between like being in the closet and then like back in those times. So I'm like even on my worst day now is better than days I've had in the past. Yeah. Well, let's talk about Sex and City for a minute. Yeah. One of our, like, most favorite episodes is called Fuck You, Carrie Bradshaw. It's about how we hate Carrie Bradshaw. Well, some of us have made a career on it.

You build a career on the love of Carrie Bradshaw? No, on the name. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay, so you said you watched it when you moved here. Yes. So when did you move here again?

2012. Okay. So, like, seven and a half years ago, I was 20. Like, right. When you graduated, a college. Yeah. 22. Yeah, I graduated in May and I moved here in August. And then we're like, oh, let's, what's this show?

No, and I was like talking to people at work and they're like, you've never seen sex in the city. And I'm like, no, like, I always knew it existed, obviously. But I was like in the closet. I didn't need my parents fucking seeing me watching sex in the city. True. And so then, and it was all on HBO. And so my friend gave me her HBO password and then I binged it all. Yeah. And then one night really high, I just changed my handle the fat Carrie Browellie. Because this is what I'll say. Do I hate all of them? Yes. All four of them. No.

Even Miranda? Yeah. Even Miranda. But it's like I... Brand is the best one. But I like love them all at the same time as hating them all. Do you love hate Carrie the most? Or was it just the most recognizable name?

Like you couldn't call yourself Fat Miranda. Fat Charlotte. What was his name? Yeah. But I mean I wouldn't fucking watch Destiny's Child and be fat Michelle Williams. True. You know, you got to go with. What is?

is so interesting about Sex and City to me is that the protagonist is like the most hated probably across the board. Like everybody, Beyonce is the lead and she's the most beloved, you know? Yeah. We like Kelly, whatever, Michelle, we feel bad for it, you know. But it's just like, it's not,

the Carrie Bradshaw, it's just fascinating that the like lead character was looking back. You're like, she was the worst. But at the time, no. And I think it's always a love, hate thing. Because if Carrie wasn't on it, it wouldn't have been what it was.

Of course. And I'm, you know, you start to reflect a lot as you like mature and you're like oh she was kind of a selfish friend and a relationship was so shitty and I mean that's why we hate on it because the lead relationship was such a terrible message to women they're like if you just wait for this dude for a decade go marry a bunch of other people and he'll come back to you and he's old and shriveled up whatever because we always said that like the other relationships ended so positively like they they let Samantha be single that was such a nice message to send, like she just loved herself more than she would ever love anybody else.

Charlotte ended up with a guy that wasn't hot. And then Miranda ended up with the bartender. Like, I love all the other relationships. Yeah. Charlotte and Harry, I think, are like my favorite couple of sex in the city. I'm a big Miranda and Steve girl. I do. Here's the thing about Steve.

Like, I know that he's like hot, but he looks like he would smell. Do you know what I mean? Yes, he does. He looks like. Whenever I see him on screen, I think it's that one episode when she's doing the lawn and there's a poop stain. And you just thought of him. Ever since that episode, I'm like, I'm disgusted.

I can't ever. He's like not hot right now anymore. I can't say anything good about him. She kind of made it seem like he had skid marks a lot. You know, like in that episode, it wasn't like a one-time thing. She was like Steve's Skidmarked. So I think we kind of thought of like Skidmark Steve. But it's not like wipe your butt.

Right. He doesn't wipe his butt. And that's why I'm like you would smell. He just looks like he has like a stinky aura about him though. He also just isn't smart. He just isn't. He's not smart. Great dad, great fuck.

Didn't she cheat on him? Or did he cheat on her? He cheated on her. He cheat on her in the movie. Yes. But I also like that message that like you can fight through that and like, I don't know. I just love everything about their relationship. Everything besides Carrie. Everything.

See, like I would, even today I would say like my favorite is Carrie. Like I feel this a weird allegiance to her even though I hate her at the same time. Yeah, which is fine. Because I'm like, she is a terrible friend. and terrible girlfriend and probably not a good writer. And like there's no redeeming quality spending like thousands of dollars on shoes, but then talking about her card was maxed out on cherry tomatoes. Wait, did you see the meme that it was like obviously the standard picture of her

at her laptop and it's like, well, everyone's talking about World War III. I couldn't help but wonder, am I focusing or something like, what about World for me? What about World for me? Oh, that's so good. Yeah, if everyone's focusing on World War III, I couldn't help but wonder, am I focusing enough on World War Me? Oh, I love it. But, yeah, I could talk about Sex and City all day, every day. Yeah.

Well, we wanted to play this game with you. It's a game called Psycho or Power Move. Love it. And we're going to read some listener submitted scenarios and you get to decide if they're psycho or Power Move. Okay, I'm going to start with our first email. I feel like this is really relatable to all three of us, what this would mean to us. Okay. She said three months ago, my ex broke up with me after three years together over text.

He refused to see me or talked to me, blocked me and everything and wouldn't give me my belongings. I left to his apartment. On top of all that, he said a horrible shit to me about my body and my personality. This was someone I treated with pure unconditional love, someone I would have done anything for, someone I would have murdered somebody for, it sounds like. After listening to the episode with the email submission about how a girl hacked her ex's email and canceled his engagement ring order, I was inspired.

Oh, geez. So another episode of ours inspired her to fuck with this guy, which I can appreciate. I was able to hack into his email. I tried logging onto his Instagram and clicked forgot password. I then used his email to reset his password and hack into his Instagram. Once I got on its Instagram, I saw DMs of him shit talking me to other girls, girls I had drama with him past, blah, blah, blah. After everything he put me through, I decided to permanently delete his Instagram because

he was so proud of it and all the followers he had. I knew it would be a small piece of revenge. Can you imagine? I would fucking kill somebody. Deleting someone's Instagram. So on her part, I'm going to say power move. For sure. Because if she found nothing, then it would be a different story.

But also, like, he was an animal dick. Yeah. But if somebody deleted my Instagram. Can you even? I would. I have nightmares about it every day. That's why I need to get fucking verified because I'm like, does it add a level of security? That is literally I have waking nightmares of that happening.

It's one of the best ways. you could fuck with me ever. But I mean, here's the thing. I do think that like when, especially when you're verified, like there's a backup of everything, right? But like this guy, what I feel like I know about him is like his name's like Kyle.

And he has like 2,000 followers. And he's so proud of it. And he like to hashtag Zolo and stuff like that. And he would never know how to get it back. Right. You could get it back. Like his is gone. And she probably,

I mean, the moment of hitting delete account was probably so cathartic for her. And then you know they were probably probably like, are you sure? And she was like, yes. And they were like, are you sure? You're sure. They email you.

They're like, we're going to delete this. Are you sure? And then he got an email saying your account's been deleted. That's crazy. Sorry, Kyle. Sorry, Kyle. You should have fucking answered the text, girl. If somebody destroys you emotionally, you're allowed to destroy their Instagram account,

that's just like, that's how the world works. And then talk shit about you to your enemies. Come on. Yeah, exactly. Breaking up of the attacks after three years. Come on. Yeah, that's crazy. Power move.

I want to meet this guy. Sounds like a real shit bag. Okay, next email. This girl I know got stuck working at Nordstrom on a holiday that she really did not want to be working. So she told the manager that she wasn't feeling well. And they told her to just stick it out to the end of her shift. Instead of doing that, she decided to shit her pants on the sales floor. So obviously she got what she wanted and they sent her home.

Psycho or power move. Jesus Christ. That's psycho. It's like, yeah, but super power move. like if you, you're like, I will do whatever it takes to get my way. I'm going to shit my pants on the sales floor at Nordstrom. But like, it's the perfect place to shit your pants because you could just go pick up a pair of Gucci pants.

Yeah. It's like, I'm covered in feces. Like, I'm going to shit my pants on the floor forever 21. If I was the manager. If I was the manager. At Nordstrom's rack, imagine. If I was the manager, I would be like, fuck you. Go put on a pair of pants and get the fuck back out here.

Put on these top shop. I've been tricked before. I'm probably going to go to Nordstrom soon and ship my pants just for that, those free pants. That is wild. Okay. This is short and sweet. She said, a guy I really liked, broke up with me, started dating a new girl a week later. So I Facebook stalked her, became friends with her, and then fucked her.

And then did the same thing to his next girlfriend. What is going on? Wait, what did the guy do to her? Just broke up with her. She was like, I'm going to fuck your new girlfriend. Guys, what do you think? Psychore Power Move. I think it's kind of psychotic.

It's psycho. It's like. Unless he wronged her in some horrible way. Yeah. Also, it's just, you know, I always wonder if they're doing. Also, how many bisexual women is this guy dating? Right, that's what I'm saying. This guy's dating three bisexual women in a row.

Exactly. He's a type. Would I do it? Probably not. It's also like, well, you know, she's doing that guy favor because obviously he wasn't going to work out with those girls. They weren't taking the relationship seriously. They're just going to like fuck somebody else, male or female.

Yeah. You know, like at the end of the day, it's not really her fault. It just feels like a lot of work in planning. It does. Like, I just wouldn't want to step in all that shit. It's a little. I also don't know if I fully believe it. I don't know if I fully believe me either.

That's what I was thinking. Yeah. It just feels like a lot. It's the game is psycho or power move also true or false. Yeah. This next one, right now I'm going to see what you think because I can't decide. I can't decide it's true or false? Well, if it's false, if it's a lie, she did a pretty good job.

But we're going to see what if there's a smoking gun. Actually sees through lies like so much easier than I do. I'm pretty good at telling a lie. Not telling lies. I'm terrible at lying, but I can tell us someone's why. Okay, great. Well, the two of you will figure this out because I think everything is true. Okay, I was at a frat party with my best friend. We got super wasted and met this guy.

One thing led to another. We decided we all wanted to have a threesome. The three of us went down to his bedroom when I remembered that I was on my period. My friend started making out with the guy while I went to go take my tampon out. Well, I was in the bathroom. I pulled up the dude's Facebook profile and saw that he was in a relationship with another girl who went to our college and was therefore cheating on her with me and my best friend. So I pulled the extremely bloody tampon out of my vaj and instead of disposing of it brought it back into the room where

the dude was making out with my friend. I then sneakily dropped the old tampon between his bed and the wall without them noticing. I then made some excuses, pull my friend away from the guy and we laughed. I have no idea if or when the guy discovered the soggy, smelly tampon waged between his bed and the wall. maybe it fell down below the bed and rotted there for a while. I don't know, but I hope so. Oh, I think this is true. If I was drunk enough, I would absolutely do this shit. Here's, here's, here's the part that is, that I'm skeptical of.

Does she want on his Facebook painting bathroom? Yes, that is also the part that I don't believe. And about to have a threesome and she popped on to Facebook real quick. In the bathroom. In the bathroom. In the bathroom. In the bathroom. Yeah.

That's where I just. Also, having a threesome on your period. is like, that's like a power. That's the power. Because imagine like if you're having a threesome with your friend and then she's like, are you on your period? Like it's not like, like I feel like. Like it's not the same thing as like having sex with a guy that's like,

whatever. Like your friend would be like, girl. It doesn't all add up because. If she said Instagram said Facebook. And also yeah, things girls do together is different. Like it's not like you can just have sex. Like there would be. be.

And here's what else I'm, you know, because again, I'm like ripping this email apart. She's a detective. The only way, the only way you would have a threesome or a threesome, yes, a threesome with a stranger. Hoking up with your boyfriend, no. The only way you would have any hookup with a stranger on your period is if you had a light flow. And she said extremely bloody tampon. Like no one is entering into a sexual situation with your friend and a stranger bleeding everywhere.

You're just not. I'll do it with a stranger, but not with a friend that could take the war story back. Yeah, exactly. Like I, this is what I'll say is I believe that she believes this happened. I believe that her and her friends sat down and were like, let's make up a story and try to get on the podcast. I just think if she said Instagram instead of Facebook, I would believe it. That's a good call. But who's on, who's out here on Facebook?

Facebook is a smoking gun. Wait. That's a smoking gun to me. That's true too. Extremely bloody is the smoking gun to me. Who stocks on Facebook anymore? Right. How are you not?

I could see myself like taking a shit. I'm all drunk. And she's in a, so this is a college. age people. Yeah. And she's checking Facebook? That's a smoking gun to me. If she would have in Snapchat, we would believe it. Yeah. If she's a TikTok. Also she's like this random guy.

No, you would have followed him on Instagram already. Like this is, yeah, the Facebook I think is the smoking gun. I love that none of us think that the throwing the tampon and all of us are like, yeah, that definitely could happen. You know what I've fucked with people's houses so bad when I'm drunk? Like stuff I'm never even going to remember. Oh, I've stolen so many things

in college. Not anything of value. But I used my roommates and I used to like see who could do the biggest grocery hall when we would go to parties and then come back and be like, what you get? I got I got four easy max. No. Three that like teddy grams. Oh my God.

Wait, well then I have to ask you guys, do you think the shitting her pants story was true? It sounds to me like an urban myth. Like it sounds to me that everybody heard about this Nord from shaking her pants girl and nobody really knows who it is. Shitting your pants is like. that's difficult. Stand up and shit. I've shit in these pants. Yeah, but that's like,

because you couldn't hold it. Yeah, you didn't just go. She was faking it. Did she squat? I have so many questions. Okay, so they're all fake. No thing. If she was faking it, it wouldn't, it would be like a full poop. It wouldn't be like. So, that's such a good point. Did she sit or stand? She pulled her pants

down and took a shit on the floor. Because it's not like, if it wasn't real diarrhea, you know, it's like how, were you like, mm-hmm. It's crazy. You're right. Like a real poop. It's got to be diarrhea. I think it's a lie too. Guys, the next one I think is true. Okay.

I love this is a new game. You tell me. Yeah, are you bitches lying to us? That's a new game. Here, this one, again, starts like it sounds fake, but I think it's true. Okay, so this is about my best friend's co-worker.

She is one of those boss-ass bitches who hooks up with guys left and right and doesn't care what anyone thinks. She hooked up with this guy. She met on Tinder. After their first hook up, he said he wasn't... Damn it, this sounds fake. All right.

After their first hook up, he said he wasn't going to sleep with her again until she found another girl to have a threesome with. That's just a goddamn lie. Anyway, she was super annoyed with that and how persistent he was and just ghosted him. Then a couple weeks later, he texted her again to hook up and she said fine and that he could come over. He drove over and asked if he could park on the street outside her building. They live in downtown Chicago. She said yes, knowing full well, it's permit parking only. They hook up and then she goes into the bathroom and calls a tow company on his illegally parked car.

He leaves in the middle of the night and texts her when he realized his car is gone, saying that he thinks someone stole his car. responds, that's wild and blocks his number. Psycho or power move. Wait, remind me why he drove the car over there. She called a tow company and he left on his own court. Yeah, supposedly he was like, can I park in the street? And she was like, totally. And it's permit parking only. So then she called the tow company to come tow his car. And then when he went out there and was like, my car is gone. She's like, that's so crazy. This is why I'll say psycho, because I do not find a power move. If this guy actually said to her, like, I'm not hooking up with you again until I find a third for us.

And then when he texted her and said, fine, I'll hook up with just you. And she was like, okay. But maybe I'll get your car towed. Right. But they still hooked up. Right. I know. I think it's a lot.

Also, you don't want to get his fucking car towed when he's at your house. Like, he's going to come knock on your door and be like, my car got towed. I have to wait here. Well, allegedly she blocked his number. I think it's fake. Okay. I would do some shit to fuck with somebody like this, but I wouldn't hook up with them. You know?

I wouldn't hook up with them just as a long con. Like you don't get to come in me while I know. I think that's what makes the same fake. Like people want to believe they're going to do like revenge plots. But like how often do you really do them? It could have been like if she just said, yeah, come over and then blocked his number. That's like something. Because also like he she didn't know when she said, yeah, come over that he was going to drive and park illegally.

Like he could have Uber'd over. So then what she just like, what does she do then? She just fucks him and is like, that's crazy. crazy. I don't know. It's false. Here's the thing about both these last few emails. I would throw my dirty tampon next to somebody's bed and let it rot.

I would definitely call a tow truck on somebody. But like the stuff leading up to it, I don't think I, I don't think happened. I know. Yeah. All right. The next one is true. This is the best one. Ooh, I get to read it.

You're so lucky. Guys, I'm like so bad at reading. I like hate that I. Do you want to read it? I have to read it. No. Hey guys. Don't fuck it up.

I'll read it. All right. Hey guys, I want to share with you a simultaneously mortifying and hilarious moment. My ex and I have been broken up for over a year now. We ended very amicably. Have kept things very positive and shared no bad feelings towards each other. However, my family didn't think I was being treated right towards the end. They're not wrong, but the relationship falling apart was both of our faults.

Nonetheless, my grandmom strongly dislikes my ex. Somehow, she and him remained Facebook friends. He and I have blocked each other. Tonight, she decided to comment on a picture he posted of he and his new girlfriend. She wrote, she is not as pretty as Nora and proceeds to, to tag me in the post. My grandma was not all there, but she knew what she was doing. Most savage thing I've ever seen from anyone.

I have the screenshot if you want it. My sister managed to get it before my ex blocked my grandma and the comment was deleted. So she has the receipts. First of all, I believe it. Because no one gives less fucks than a grandma. Yes. And that's exactly what the grandmother would say. She is not as pretty as my granddaughter. Like, that's some grandma talk. Yeah.

That's grandma shit talk. Yes. When people talk about their grandmother's having Facebooks, I'm like, how old are you? your grandmother has a Facebook. But like, they're so young. But I believe it. Yeah. Like, I mean, I could have a 15 year old kid.

I've been getting my period since I was 12. Yeah. I mean, this is not, has nothing to do with the question. But I'm saying, my grandma could, my mom could be a grandma writing that shit on a high school kid thing.

Oh, that's true. I mean, my mom wishes she. Oh, was this girl in high school, too? I don't know. I don't know. I love it. I believe it, though. That is a, that is a power move.

There's definitely a grandmas on Facebook. They're like, Yeah, totally. Yeah. And I love it. Whenever people talk about their grandmother, I'm like, what a world. Because if she's, if this girl's 20, her grandma could easily be 70. Yeah.

Or even younger. Yeah. Absolutely. My cousin Lindsay is a grandmother. She's a hot as to her. My old roommate had a great grandmother and she and her sibling had kids. So like there was five generations in their family. That's crazy.

So it depends on. the fan, my guess. Great. Damn it. I wish we had the screenshot. Well, I'm still going to get it. I still believe these. You know,

everyone of these girls is going to write to us and be like, this story was true. Fuck you bitches. Yes, send the receipts. We want to see. I want the tow truck receipt. I want the dry cleaning receipt from your shit pants. Yeah.

I want all of it. I want all the receipts. Yeah. I want to talk to the girl that shit her pants in Nordstrom. I want to hear a worse person account. Because I've had to shit in the woods before. And it's hard to like shit while standing. Yeah.

Also, just say you shit your pants? Was the manager like, let me see. Yeah, let me see. Let me smell it. Exactly. And I feel like I would have, I would, like, probably if I really wanted to do this, I would go into the middle of the floor and like start dry haven and like make myself throw up before I shit myself. Or run out of the bathroom and be like, I just shit my pants. I have to go home. That's such a good point. You don't have to actually do it. No one's going to be like, let me smell your buck crack. Like, let me see. Like, yeah, let me see your butt. Ladies, we love you so much. We do think you're liars.

Thank you for your submitting. We love their good lies. We appreciate the emails. So we were bringing people on stage. Well, we at a lot of our live shows and stuff, we'll have people share their stories. And we brought these two girls up. And we do the email was fake.

And the girl insisted on coming up with her friend. And she was like, me and my friend wrote it together. We were like, you lying assholes. And we brought them up. And we like fully caught them in their lie. Like it is, you can usually tell. That one really slid by. I fell all day long.

It wasn't like right the towards the end. We knew. That was the one of her being like the dogs. I remember it was a lie. We like broke it down. We were like, it took me all day though to realize it. Ashley knows lies before. I knew immediately it was a lie.

And then what we didn't have had better options, we were like, let's just calm up and call them liars in front of eight hundred people. And people like loved it. Were they so mad? No, they were thrilled. They got on stage or drunk.

They were like a girl's out. But the audience was pissed. The audience was annoyed. Oh, that they lie? I didn't expect the audience to get annoyed. So we got her off the stage. The audience started turning on them.

Yeah, we got our own scene. Immediately. So we see through y'all's lies. You know what the thing is? Like, I don't just, I will do some fucked up shit that makes no sense when I'm drunk. 19 year old me,

20, 20, I would have done crazy shit. But the Facebook thing. That's how I know. Yeah, that's the little thing. It's not the crazy shit. It's the little, things that just aren't plausible. Extremely bloody.

She's like, let me take out my dripping tampon while checking Facebook. She realizes while still holding the tampon. So she's holding the tampon while looking at Facebook. Wait, here's another thing. Here's how I also know it's not true. There's no way that you didn't sit down on the toilet, pull the tampon out, go to the bathroom, and be searching Facebook while you're sitting on the toilet.

You didn't check Facebook and then take your tampon out. Right. Yeah. She said I pulled it out and then I realized. Right. So like, no, I don't think so much. Also, you're drunk. Like you're not, you're so drunk, but you're thinking of all that. the stuff.

And then you're about to go and have your friend touch your bloody vagina. Ew. Are any of them true? Do we decide? But, you know, college kids are crazy today. I think that maybe the Instagram being deleted. That I think is true. But I want to know his handle.

You know what his bio probably says like, I got deleted at 2K. You know what probably does. That is so funny. He was like, I had $2,000. He creates a new name like, $4,000. He creates a new name like, formerly at Jason Chad. And now he's Jason underscore Chad.

Yeah. It's obviously Chad Jason Jason. Okay. Well, thank you Fat Carrie for joining us. Thank you so much for having me. Stay here until 8 o'clock at night. Can you tell people where they can find you, Instagram and all your other stuff?

You find me at Fat Carrie Brecht on Instagram and Fat Carrie Beach on Twitter because they don't have enough fucking characters. I know. It ruins my life. And you can find me. I post all my shows and shit on my Instagram. What kind of shows are you doing? So I do like stand up and drag shows, but I have the third Saturday of every month. I have a drag show. Oh, where?

In Brooklyn. Okay. What kind of like just straight drag? It's like drag, but I like host it and then also. Oh my God, we have to come. What's it called? We call it red receipts, but it's been going on for like two years. That's a really funny name. What is it? Red receipts.

Oh, red receipts. That's amazing. And then also you, Taylor Shucker, who is a recent guest on the show, you co-host her with the show? Yeah, I co-host on Fridays. And then when she's on tour, sometimes other days. I'm just kidding. I'm not. Well, she like tours now so much.

I know. We're talking to her about it. Um. Yeah, well, guys, follow up Carrie. The fire memes. Thank you so much. Literally unbelievable. All content.

Yeah. Lots of videos. The mom wedding dress shopping I love. thank you. That's a new one. Oh shit. It's great. It got better as it went on.

All right. You guys talk amongst yourself. Okay. Sorry. And Ashley, and Ashley's going to take us out. Okay. And guys,

obviously follow us on Instagram, Girls Gottyup Podcast.com, Girls underscore Got Eat on Twitter. Ash Hess, Raina. com, and shows and merch at Girls Gottyup Podcast.

com. And thank you for listening to our 100th episode. Thank you. Oh, I'm so glad you brought that up again. We made it. Thank you guys for being here. Yeah.

our centennial episode. We'll see you next week for 101. Have a good week, guys. Bye.