Girls Gotta Eat - Once a Fuckboy, Always a Fuckboy? feat. Comedian Mary Beth Barone

Episode Date: November 11, 2019

How do I stop falling for fuckboys? Do they ever change? Can girls be fuckboys, too? Mary Beth Barone, comedian and creator of Drag His Ass: A Fuckboy Treatment Program, joins us to answer these questions + more. We're deep diving on the fuckboy infestation and how to combat it, sharing our own experiences, and reading hilarious listener submissions for "I Knew He Was a Fuckboy When...". We also rant on travel pet peeves and give Hallmark & Chill suggestions for the holidays. Hope you enjoy! Follow Mary Beth on Instagram @MaryBethBarone and @DragHisAss. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: FabFitFun: Get $10 off your first box at FabFitFun.com with code GGE. Postmates: Download the app and use code GGE for $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days. HelloFresh: Get 9 free meals with HelloFresh at hellofresh.com/GGE9 promo code GGE9. Lola: For 30% off your first month's subscription, visit mylola.com + code GGE30 when you subscribe. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

They'll deny everything if you call them out and they'll try to gaslight you. So they'll be like, well, I told you I wasn't interested in anything serious. And it's like, okay, well, then you met my parents. So like, what do you want me to do? It took like a vacation together. Right. You said you love me and we're serious. But we're married.

Back to another episode of Girls Gotty. Welcome back. You're right. It does smell. It smells like feet. I took a breath. I showered and put on perfume. It's not you.

You never smell. Thank you. I thought it was your feet. I took a breath and I was like, I smell it. I'm fresh out of the shower, got a robe on. I haven't noticed like a pregnant person. Like everything. Yeah.

I smell everything. Well, that guy in the plane. Oh my God. We never talked about this. This is funny. When we flew to Palm Springs to go speak at Spotify, so long flight, five, six hour flight, Rain and I, the flight was like pretty full. They just booked us last minute.

So we were like in the back of the plane. You were by the window and I was sitting in the middle, which I hate a middle seat. but like if you're next to me, it's fine, whatever. And then the guy on the aisle smelled so bad. He smelled just like an old alcoholic man that had like not showered in days, just been drinking on a bender.

You know that like stale booze smell? Like you know some people that just smell like a hangover. And it was so bad. I couldn't handle it. Like I kept turning towards you. I had my, I was editing the podcast. I had my laptop on your tray table trying to like turn away from him.

We were in the second to last row of the whole plane. I just was like, I have to get away from this. man. I'm like, I feel nauseated. So I was like, asked if I could sit in the row behind us, which was the back row behind the shitter. All their snacks were back there. They had to move the flight attendants had to move the snacks to let me sit in the back corner of the plane, like window seat back corner of the plane, barely recline that seat. And then they start saying they're like, hope the bathroom smell doesn't get to you. I'm like, I can't escape a smell. I have this

terrible booze man smell. Now the bathroom smell. And they spray that air freshener that I gagged me. I was like a third smell. Like I can't live. I moved and then it just got worse and then it got worse and worse and worse and then I couldn't move back. You go through a lot on planes. It's like when people have like the shade open, I know that like I'm just in for like a long conversation from you. Any weird smells. I feel like the altitude makes your aggression just skyrocket. I hate people. Like it's just it makes it traveling. makes you hate people more than anything. I hate that your shade is up. I'm blinded. You're burning on my retinas. Put your fucking shade down. I hate the people smell bad. Like, I remember one time

being on a plane next to a guy that had just full blown halitosis. And every time he opened his mouth, I felt like I was going to throw up. Like, I don't mind. I'm bad with smells. I'm bad with smells, but it's the stuff that people could control that makes me insane on a plane. Why are your shoes off? This is not your home. Why are your shoes off? It makes me physically sick. Why are you eating hot food on a plane? What are you doing? Right now. What the Hell, you ate soup on a plane last week? Soup is acceptable on a plane. Well, scutify what you hate.

Chicken noodle soup and also if I'm doing it, it doesn't apply. You mean, you mean like a tuna melt. Like if you don't, like if you're eating a tuna melt on a plane. Any seafood on a plane. Seafood on a plane. I'm glad that you brought this up. I'm taking my first trip without you in a really long time. Oh my God.

I don't even know how to like be in Uber's and at airports without you anymore. Well, I said that to you. remember where did I go recently? With Rob's wedding. Can't go a week without talking about Rob and his wedding. Leaving in the morning, I left on a very early flight. You and I usually leave on early flights and I almost came and picked you up. Yeah, you always picked you up.

I was like, it's so weird to go to the airport and not pick Rain up. I don't know like how to Instagram story at the airport without you. Like I feel like I need to like tell people at the airport that you're not there. Like I'm here alone, guys. You're like, boy, you know you're alone. You're single. Like I don't know how to do things out of you. I'm going to have to leave the airport and call a car on my own.

to get my own luggage off the belt without you. This must be like, I have a girlfriend who's... We're codependent, guys. Right, you crippled me. I'm hobbled. I have a girlfriend who's been with her husband. She's 34.

She's both her man since she was 16. She will not travel without him. And like, I get it now. You get it now. She was like, one time we're going to go to D.C. together and she refused to go back without me. We talked about this. I did on an episode.

We talked about what was our codependency episode while we're at it? Oh, um, Tank. Oh, yeah. I talked about that. episode. Thanks so much. Yeah, we just talked about codependency in general, but yeah, I mean, you start to rely on somebody and traveling is make or break, like, when you're with a person, you and I travel great together, you divide responsibilities, like, hey, navigate through this strange airport we've never been to, let's find the rental car spot, let's call an Uber, let's get our

luggage. Like, you kind of split the responsibilities down the middle and make it easier on each other or it can go terribly wrong. Well, also, I feel like we're not that sensitive to each other's behavior. So if you're in a bad mood or I'm in a bad mood, like we're fine to sort of leave each other alone for a little bit. That's, I mean, yeah, I've bored the plane without you. That was because you're mad to me I was mad about the guy you had sex with. Man, it's been a while. Thanks for bringing that up.

Okay, sorry, we have strayed ruined tantrum and got on the plane without me. I love a tantrum. He needs to apologize to me. Okay, you are leaving. I'm going back to Charleston. No, it's a far way to travel for a dick appointment. Okay, it's two hours.

It's not that far, and it was a big dick, okay? You know what, yesterday, I texted Ashley in a panic. I'm like, I talked about this guy's dick so much in the episode last week. You can't stop. I'm watching your face. Like, you're just like, if I can bring that dig up. I got to bring that dick up. It's like, I'm not going to say.

I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say it's the meme. It's like, no one. And Raina's like, so this guy's dick. Wait, someone tweeted us. Someone tweeted us. They go, no one. Ashley, don't DM us.

But seriously, guys, don't DM us or send us memes. We got it. We got the internet. Also, tweet us. I love y'all's tweets. Yeah, the tweets are great. You're always going to get a response on Twitter because it's right now because it's just less. It's easy to respond.

Right. You just sent all the traffic to Twitter. Oh, God. Guys, don't tweet on us. Just kidding. Okay. So, Raina. Okay, so listen, I, like, hooked up with this guy in Charleston last week and then he casually

suggested we go to the Bahamas and then I just casually suggest that we'd not do that. And so I'm going to go there for a couple days and hang out. Sis, I mean, I've said it before. That's probably the place I visited the most guys. I dated a couple guys there. Like, it's a best city to hang out. and stroll around. Yeah, we're going to stroll a lot.

I got my own hotel. I'm going to stay in my own place. I used miles for the trip. The whole trip's going to cost me like $100. So yeah, I'm going back. I'm excited and let you guys know what happens next week. Yeah, so we're recording this right before Raina leave. So I guess if this is Monday and you're listening, you're still there.

Well, if it all goes well. If it all goes well. You could come back. I use my Delta Miles so I can, I got a flex. I can come back early if I need to. Okay, gotcha. I am sad that I'm leaving because it is not. New York, the New York Comedy Festival this week, and you have a ton of shows that you're doing.

I do. Also on that note, so our guest today is a comedian named Mary Beth Barone. She's so funny. She runs a show in New York, a monthly show, I believe, called Drag His Ass, which the title speaks for itself. It's they do a fuckboy redemption on the show. It's very funny. We've been to one of the shows.

So I'm on that show. I will have already passed, but I'm on that show this week. I'm doing stand-up. I have another show at the Fires Club, and then Francis Ellis and I have our show the stand, which at this point would have been last night. And that's a monthly show. If you guys ever want to come out, we do it every single month. It's usually the first Thursday the month. But I'm going to start doing a highlight on my Instagrams of my Instagrams, highlights on my shows, because people always ask me and they're like, where are your shows? So I'm going to do it.

Yeah, it's New York Comedy Fest. It's a lot going on. We saw Mike Cannon last night, tape a special. hilarious. Hilarious. I mean, we have tons of comedians on the show. You guys can always go see them, like, check out the stand, which is amazing. And the comedy teller. I mean, I don't to tell you where to find comedy in New York. Well, you do. I mean, some people, I get DMs all the time. We love the stand in the comedy seller, like, as the top two to go see comedy if you're visiting New York.

Totally. And almost everybody that has been on our show is comedian performs at those places. And so we saw Chris DeSephano last night who was great. Andrew Scholes, you guys all love is there all the time. Don't bring it up. Nikki Glazer, Francis Ellis, and Mike Feeney and Mike Cannon. All of us. All of people.

All of people. So, yeah, check those guys out. Mike Feeney's album just came out. Okay. And yeah, for the rest of the week, I'm going to see Tom Segorah on Thursday, Trevor Noah on Friday. Geez, busy week. I know, very busy. I guess what else do we have to talk about?

Netflix and Chill? No, it's not, we've been watching Modern Love. Yeah. I think we brought it up, but then we both watched it, and the first episode is about a doorman. You guys had us really on brand. Yeah, it's eight episodes. They're all based in New York. It's based on, is it the New York Times column?

Yeah, I think it's a New York Times column called Modern Love. But it's all these love stories. based in New York City. There's eight episodes, all different kinds of love and lifestyles. And I'm very moved by the show. I feel like, you know, we grow up with this idea of like what love is supposed to look like and this nuclear family and this like perfect relationship. And this show sort of just shows that like none of that really works out always for you. And you can still find like a really beautiful life and something really happy and something non-traditional or different than what you thought you would have. And I think that that's like a beautiful message. Yeah. I love it. I like I love the Dormand episode. The second episode is probably. my favorite. I didn't realize you just, which I knew that guy looked familiar, but you just told me he's from Slumdog Millionaire. And then it's this couple and I'm not going to give it away. But that was probably my favorite. I thought it was a fantastic episode. The last two were my favorite. You didn't finish it. Yeah. I'm still getting to it. Well, I am in high holiday movie season. So right after Halloween, I start going hard on holiday movies, Hallmark, Netflix, Lifetime,

all of it. What do you watch? All of them. What's your lid? I don't watch any holiday movies. Oh, right. Well, yeah, you're not. I still have access to cable even though I'm a Jew. No, no, no. I mean, why would you be in? It's not like, for me, it's nostalgic because I celebrate Christmas. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so. Is that why I don't care for them? It's not I don't care for them. I just don't care about them that much. I mean, they are super cheesy. But, I mean, every year Hallmark usually debuts like 20 new movies, like original movies. Netflix puts out a few. I watched this one called Holiday in the Wild, which the writing was awful.

But I still enjoyed it because it's cheesy. Lifetime does great ones. Like they all just, they know that's what people want. Gives people what they want. That's where Ashley will be for the next two months. I, like, we'll just cuddle in the couch, light my mandal and watch holiday movies till December 26th. Until we go to your farm for Christmas.

I was thinking last night about like when I grow up, if I get like married and have kids, like I will still spend Christmas with your family. Well, I mean, it depends on if we like your husband, he could come maybe come. Oh, yeah. If he like adds value to the family, he could come. but if not he can't come. Who am I going to date that you guys would like? Would or wouldn't?

Wouldn't. Like I feel like that person wouldn't last. You don't think you could like stand the test of Lee Hustle time? You think if I dated somebody, your dad and like that person that like I would enjoy be with that person? Oh yeah. You know what I mean? That's true.

I just think I really like your family. My family too. There's nobody I'm ever going to date that like is going to be not likable. That's true. At this age. At this age. Absolutely not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so funny because like all these Hallmark movies, like the storyline of so many of so many of them is like busy successful New York City woman goes to her hometown and falls in love with like a farm mailman or something like in her hometown and it still hasn't happened to me yet I guess I should get out in the town of Smyrne. No, just fuck your mailman. I don't even know if we get, the mailman doesn't even come up to the house. It's her long driveway. We don't know her mailman.

Okay, the last one is at your farm. There's like seven other hands on the farm. There are like farming hanging out with your dad. Fuck one of those guys. That's a good call. I know. Fuck all those guys. You guys, I don't, they're never hot, though.

Like, in the movies, like, these hot actors play the hometown boys. Those guys are not hot. They peaked in high school. Yeah. The guys in your hometown are not hot. True. But it's just such a shame because you have so many properties on the property. Like, you have two houses.

You have 17 barns. You have, thousands of acres. You have tractors. You have a plane. You have so many cars. There's so many places to fuck there. You know what I'm going to do when we go. I'll do this at Thanksgiving.

I actually talk. talked about this on another podcast recently. I'm going to go out into the woods and just scream. You never get to scream. Like, when I lived in Atlanta and I was like, needed to scream, I would scream in my car. Like, if I just screamed right now, like, the people above me would hear me. Like, someone would probably come check on me. Like, one of the dormit would be like, what's going on in there?

Like, if you scream at the top of your lungs, people hear you. You get a pillow. It's just not the same. I don't want to scream about it. I want to, like, let it out into the air. And so I'm just like going to tell my parents, like, hey, I'm just going to like go out into the woods and don't... Whatever you hear, don't come outside.

Don't worry about it. You could scream at the subway. Scream in the subway. At the subway. Nobody will hear you. I just don't want to look crazy. I'm not crazy. I just, you know what I mean?

Like, we need to... You just don't want to take the subway. Listen, I just don't want to go down there. Try I just scream in my Uber. Just scream in the Uber. Yeah, what are they going to fucking do about it? But you know what I mean? I think Chrissy Tegan tweeted this recently.

She was like, we don't scream enough. You got to like let shit out. I don't have any shit to let out. I just feel good all the time. You don't want to scream sometimes? No, it's never, like, occurred to me. I just sometimes, maybe you. Speaking of scream.

Classic movie. We were like, what are we to talk about today? Oh, I guess. I was a fucking creep as a kid. All I did was watch Scream. Okay. I think I was like in high school or middle school and that came out.

I don't want to age ourselves. Right. I saw it maybe a little too young. Like, Scream is fucking scary. And it's also a perfect movie. So I watched it the other night. It was just on, I mean, obviously, the opening.

scene of Scream is maybe the best opening scene or I think the opening scene of scream is the best horror movie scene of literally all time. And then the rest of the movie is perfection. Like everything is perfect. Like and then the all-star cast like Courtney Cox and David Arquette, his name is Dewey. I forgot his name was fucking Dewey. And then it's like Matthew Lillard and like Skeet Yulwich, who's such a fucking creep and is extra rapy. Neve Campbell, Drew Barrymore. It is the best movie of all time. This is funnier than when you told everybody about Bohemian Rhapsody a year after it came out. really breaking down scream. He's 20-something years old.

That's from 97. I'm like, guys, have you seen Scream? No, I... Half the girls was in our show, we were like, I wasn't alive when that came out. I posted it on... And people were DMing me. They're like, it's my favorite movie.

I'm like, Jeremy Jacobowitz, who we found the show, Brunch Boys was like, it's a perfect movie. It's still tracks. He goes, I watched it on a plane recently. I'm like, you look like a super freak watching... A scream on a plane. He's all gangling, awkward as it is,

and he's just watching people get murdered. That first scene where her boyfriend gets murdered. He's like hanging from a tree in the woods. Terrified. No, he's like out. He's tied up on a, well, I would never remember this, but, you know, he's doing a quiz. Like, who was the killer in Friday the 13th? And she gets the last thing wrong. And that's, her boyfriend just gets like gutted. But then I forgot that like, they murder her. Obviously, he murders her. He hangs her. And her parents come home. And they hear her in the phone, like, getting stabbed. I'm like, it is such a gory movie, but damn if it's not the best horror

movie of all time. You know, it's weird as I don't. I don't. I don't. watch horror movies. Like, they're not for me. I grew up with like too much lot of dress for you. I was like, too sure I was going to get like raped as a kid. Yeah. Normal thing for a six year old to feel. But Scream is one of my favorite movies. It's the best movie. All right, guys. Well, hot take, check out Scream.

And also Hot Take Lifetime and Homeark have holiday movies. Guys, listen, I can't recommend this movie from 1997 enough. You know, just check it out. I know that none of you were alive when it came out, but just enjoy it. Did you see in the theater? I don't, I could have.

So I went with Lindsay, my cousin, who just got married to Buck recently, and our moms. And we were like kids. So we were like, we're sitting by ourselves. Why would your mom take you to this? They were like, had to accompany you to certain, I think it was probably rated R. So every once in a while, like if there was a movie that my parents felt was appropriate and I couldn't go alone, they would take us. So my mom and my aunt Kathy went and they sat separately because Lindsay and I were like, we're adults and we're like kids. And I remember sitting there and being like, I'm fucking terrified.

And like, I feel like I'm going to cry, but I got to like be strong. I got to be strong. Like I can't show my mom that I'm a pussy. Like I'm out here like, I can sit alone. And then I was so scared. She never cried again. All right, guys. Oh, we have a, we have a, since we're talking about holidays,

well, now we actually talked about horror movies and Halloween, but we're going to back it up to holidays. We have something we want to tell you guys about that we found. The name is. Mix is two of my favorite thing. The best thing of holidays and porn. They're called porniments. Porniments.

Guys, you do the math. Pornomints. What do you think it is? Take a beat. Take your guesses. Google it. All right. You tell them.

But yeah, we discovered a really cool company. If you guys want, like, really fun stocking stuffers or stuff for, like, white elephant. Secret elephant? White elephant. Good for you. Thanks, girl. Secret Santa. Secret Santa, all those things.

Anyways, porn. I don't, Ray, I don't know. Not if it's your office, though. It depends what kind of office you work. True. But they have, like, dozens of these, like, crazy, ridiculous custom ornaments. And it is, like, there's an elf butt fucking a Santa. There it is.

Everybody is naked. There's so many tits. There's a dick banana. I have that one right there. There's strippers. What else is there? There's a girl just on her knees. There's a...

Oh, there's a Mrs. Claus juggling her titties. There it is. And then there's a gingerbread giving it to another gingerbread doggy style. Nice, nice. They make it super easy to search on their website. So like maybe you guys want bondage or boobs, but candy canes, cheerleaders, dominatrix, mistletoe nurses, or just straight up sex,

penis is a category. Anyways, all the ornaments are 1495. They're cheap. Yeah. 1499. And we have a discount, right? G-G-E for 15% off. Yeah.

Or is it just Porniments.com. Yeah, the website's just pornemence. P-O-R-N-A-M-T-S dot com. We have discount for you guys. Yeah, it's G-G-E. You guys get 15% off your order. All right. Well, I think as the weeks go on,

if we find little cute, fun holiday gift ideas. I can't get over the name, porniments. I'm just, God, I love it so much. I can't stop looking at the elf, but fucking Santa on your table. Guys, they're large also.

I think they fit on a tree. Life-size elves. Life-size elves. Full-sized banana. You can practice a blowjob on that pornament. Yeah. They're larger. Just check the sizes.

But yeah, they're a really cool company. And, yeah, also, I like that idea. Just like cool gift ideas. Maybe we'll find some other shit. We'll do what we got, we're probably going to do holiday episodes coming up last year. They were so fun. So much fun. Both stuff to get your man

and holidays and families. That's almost about it. Got some shows coming up. New Orleans is this week, guys. Thursday night the 14th. It's not sold out yet. You guys can still get tickets. It's going to be lit. Joy, theater. Like my middle name. I guess she's middle name. St. Louis sold out.

And then we announced last week that we are going, going back to Kelly. We have shows in L.A. I think San Diego is sold out. It sold out in the day. Sorry, guys. Both the show was sold out. We didn't know. Not enough of you told us that you wanted to come to show.

You guys were being real low key. Yeah. And then you came out of the woodwork. So come to L.A. I think it is President's Day weekend. So the show in L.A. is a Sunday. But you should be off work on Monday. Come to L.A.

Get lit. That show is going to be amazing. You have this huge theater. You can obviously imagine that we're going to have entertainment to open the show and all that. So see you there. Yeah. Make a weekend out of it. Come to L.A.

We still have some tickets left. Also in D. and next week we probably announced some more shows yeah Texas

yeah Texas where everything's bigger including our shows and the decks she can't stop talking to the dicks anyway guys check in on Raina

if you're listening on Monday she's in Charleston just check in on her she's probably gonna be walking funny so we should do we get to that episode

yeah we're gonna get to the episode I think that's all that we have to talk about yeah keep an eye out for some new merch I know we keep saying it but we're gonna release

some Menda allegedly and leave some iTunes reviews for us. Please get on there and click five stars. Anyways, so we're really excited for today's episode in the house studio with us and duty. We have a fantastic New York City based comedian. You've seen her on Comedy Central. We met her at her amazing show, Drag His Ass in New York City, which we're going to tell you guys about a little bit more, but we're talking fuck boys today with Mary Beth Barone. Welcome to the studio. I am honored to be here. Thank you for having me.

Of course. Thanks for being here. So we met you in June the day that we recorded with Hannah burner. And she was on your show. And we came to your show and I really felt like this is somebody that's doing something really unique and different. And I loved it. So we'd love to hear about your show. Which, and as at this point, I will have just done it. Yes. Yes.

It was great. I'm sure. Ashley was the fuck boy. On the show. Yeah, I was the fuck boy. I want to say, thank you so much for doing amazing. You had a great set. And we all had a lot of fun at that show that hasn't happened yet.

But I have a feeling. I just have this really good feeling that it's going to be great. So I have a show called Drag-I-Ass a Fuck Boy Treatment Program. It is a live comedy show. And where it started was I have been single for almost four years. I broke up with a long-term boyfriend on Valentine's Day almost four years ago. So, yeah, we're getting up to that anniversary. And when I broke up with him, I really wanted to date around.

I wanted to date a lot of different people, hook up with a lot of different people, really, like, experienced New York in my 20s. And at first, that was really fun. But then after a while, it got old. You know, I just realized that I was hooking up with, terrible people who didn't care about me and I felt like I was constantly getting screwed over and getting hurt and I didn't really want to do that anymore.

So I decided to start keeping track of how many days I'd been fuck boy free. So I bought a whiteboard, I put it in my apartment and I would track the days like in a factory when they're like, we've been accident free for X days. So it was that except hooking up with fuckboys. My goal was to get you 100 days and I would

I would post about it on social media, my progress, and people would be so encouraging and supportive. And some of them would ask me, like, what does fuckboy free mean to you? And like, how did you kind of get to this point? So I decided to do a live show in March of this year at Union Hall where I invited other comedians to talk about their experiences with fuckboys. I talked about my six-step recovery program as a fuckboy addict. And that show sold out. So we moved it to a bigger venue at Chelsea Music Hall, which is where we did the first ever fuck Boy Redemption with Carl Radke. Oh, we were there for that. That was when you were there for. I think he needs to keep coming back.

He needs to be weird. And that show, by the way, like we could barely get in. Like, we were to stay in the back. Like, people were there for it. I think they were like, first of all, the name alone, drag his ass. Fuck boy redemption, a treatment program. What is the show? I have to be a part of it.

And Ashley and I go to a lot of shows and like a lot of comedy. And we were like, this is so unique and different. It was, it's been really amazing to see it grow. And I started like a meme account for it to post like tweets and, you know, screenshots of stuff that are related to fuckboys and dating. And it's just been really nice to see people who are, like, relate to it so hard. And like, I think building a community just to kind of heal through other people's experiences is really great. Like, as a comedian, I never thought my, like, main thing would be about dating. But it's been, I don't know, it's just been great to see it kind

of grow organically. And the fuckboy redemptions have been really productive, I have felt. And the last when I did at Chelsea Music Call, Tom actually messaged me after a couple months and he said, I just wanted to let you know I've ended things with two women before we slept together because I knew it wasn't going anywhere. And like even if I can help two women, like that makes it worth it for me. That's beautiful. We say it all the time if one person changes her life a little bit because you're so funny because your tone is like very dry and sarcastic. So I'm like, is she serious? Like she's like, if I can change two women's lives, that's worth it for me. And I'm like, is she being honest? No, I'm serious.

That's me I struggle with because my tone is so dry that people think I'm being sarcastic all the time. And I'm like, oh my God, I love your shirt. And they're like, you're being a bitch. And I'm like, no, I'm serious. Or when I'm with a guy, I like, I like you. And they're like, fuck off. Were you always such a bitch? Like even as a kid or did you find joy as like a child?

She's probably like me as a kid. I'm like getting a bad. Terrible child. Well, so I was, I'm the youngest of six kids. Oh my God. And I was a bit of, I mean, I'm like, you're 28. A bit of a brat. Yeah, I'm 28.

I actually, yeah, my parents just loved me a lot, and that has set me up for failure as an adult. I actually got suspended from pre-K because I was crying so much when my mom would drop me off that I was upsetting the other kids. So I had to stay home for two weeks. And I just recently told this guy I'd been going on dates with, like, I have attachment issues from when my mom used to drop me off at school because I, like, thought she was never coming back. So when you're like vague with plans and flake on me, like, that is a trigger for me because it, and it makes me really upset and feel insecure and crazy. at this point I'm just being so upfront about all my baggage so that no one can say I surprise them with I'm just like first date this is my shit

and if you want to be a part of it go for it but if not then we can end this and everything's fine I like that I am so excited because I feel like Ashley and I've covered so much fuckboy behavior throughout with the way they make plans the way they talk to you and then the way they like sort of have a relationship with you but don't

I'm so excited to like really go in I just think you have a lot to say and like, what do they look like? How can you spot one in the wild? Like, are there certain things that they could say or do? So you like immediately, she doesn't know. Before you're on a date with that. Before you even get to the date point.

Okay. Great. So at the show, if you come to the live show, you'll see my fuckboy starter pack. So first I'll tell you the definition that I found an urban dictionary that I found helpful that I've like put into like a visual aid for the show. So basically a fuck boy. No, it's absolutely ridiculous to talk about these things in such serious terms. is like really impacting people's lives.

You have a mold skin like you're a teacher. No, my goal is to like make this like truly academic in academic study. You can teach a class at Columbia or something. Yeah. Oh my God. Well, that would be the dream. That's the goal. Okay.

So a fuck boy is an asshole who says all the right things. He never commits to plans strictly into sexual relationships, which I actually think sometimes they also want to dump a lot of emotional baggage on you and then kind of dip. Which is a nice way to make women feel like they're more like ingrained in the relationship than you are. And they are, yeah, and I hate that. Male comedians do that all the time, which we can get into later.

Yeah. They'll deny everything if you call them out and they'll try to gaslight you. So they'll be like, well, I told you I wasn't interested in anything serious. And it's like, okay, well, then you met my parents. So like, what do you want me to do? We took like a vacation together. Right. You said you love me and we were serious.

But we're married. We got, we had a wedding. Our kids are here. Okay. He was like, we'll run the tape because on the first date, I told you I wasn't looking for anything serious. Sorry, you tricked me to this. they will lead you on and let you down. And I think, like, there's so many different versions of a fuckboy, and it can mean so many

different things. But for me, like, there's, there are some very clear red flags. So someone who wears joggers, someone who vapes, someone who will slide into your DMs just at any hour of the day. And just try to kind of, like, reel you in with being flirtatious or kind of, like, hinting that you should hang out, but never really, like, doubling down and asking you to hang out, my favorite fuckboy move is asking, what are you doing tonight? Instead of saying, do you want to hang out tonight?

Because what are you doing tonight is such a passive way to find out if someone's busy without having to put yourself out there. And it really keeps you, it keeps the other person like, you kind of hook them a little bit because they're like, oh, is he going to ask me to hang out? But then they usually won't. Or they'll wait three hours to respond. Or they'll be like, oh, sorry, I like fell asleep. That is so true because at the end of the day, you could be like, they could be like,

what, I was just making conversation. Yeah, I just was, I was just wondering what you're up to. Like, I would ask a friend. It's like the number one fuck boy move. Five o'clock, they're like, what do you up to? And you're like, I don't know, let's get a drink. And they say, I'll let you know. I'll wrap something up.

And you hear from them at 9.30 p.m. Yeah. That is what a fuck boy is. That's like, did this at like 3 p.m. And he was like, I think he thought she would never show. And he was like, come meet me at Soho House. So Raina got ready. And then she was on the way there.

And he was like, I have to go into a meeting. Like he didn't. on the way there. He asked me to come there and I got into the shower and by the time I got out of the shower he had canceled our plans because he had a meeting pop up at 6 p.m. Don't you hate that when a meeting pops up at 6 p.m.? Because he thought she wouldn't come. Uh-huh. Because they make these like quasi plans. We always say it's always the middle of the week and a totally inconvenient time and neighborhood that they know you're not going to come to. But I am. But I will drop everything and go is the problem. Because he made like seven other plans with me and I was like,

this is my fault. I, I, I, I'm. I'm never available to him. So I promised myself that I was like in the middle of the ocean. The next time he asked me to hang out, I would jump off the ship. It's swim to shore. Right. So that's what I did. Well, we've all done that.

Trust me. The number of times I've like put on a full face of makeup at like 10 o'clock at night. And then they're like actually I'm kind of tired. I'm going to go to bed. It's like, no. This is why I just like, I like throw in the towels. Like I can't be. No, it's not work.

Okay. So then I would say other like red flags of a cookie cutter fuck boy would be like, you know, thigh tattoos. they drink whiskey gingers. They have like, you know, they work in banking or something. They wear boat shoes. You know, those are all very like classic kind of physical attributes, but there's so many other ways.

Like I think a fuck boy can look like anything. It can be a man, a woman, non-binary, gay, straight, poly, bisexual, whatever it is. Like every single, it really transcends these communities. Like, this is the common bond that we have. As like anyone, any sexuality, you can be a fuck boy. Or you could be a victim of one. Do they know that they're a fuck boy?

I think a lot of times they do. And then a lot of times they do deep down, but I genuinely think that there are some people who don't think that what they're doing is wrong. And no one's calling them out on it. So it's like, not that you should have to be called out, but the redemption I did in L.A. was with more of a player. So I made this spectrum of like good guys and bad guys.

And under bad guys, there's like fuck boys. or under fuckboys, there's like players, abusers, and then there's one other one, and I don't remember what it is. But essentially, like, a player or a playboy is more just like going on multiple dates with people kind of playing that boyfriend role. And then when they try to, like, you know, ask about it

or bring it up, they kind of avoid it or say, like, I told you, I didn't want to see you seriously or whatever it is. But, like, I think he, this specific person, didn't think that leading these women on was wrong because he thought he was being up front. But obviously, you know, if you date 20 women and they all feel like you're their boyfriend, you have to at some point assume that it's something you're doing wrong.

And he just didn't get that at all. Yeah. He just thinks he's going for the same type of person, which might be true. But like, you have the data right there. You know, it's really about the data at this point. Right. Well, also, with fuck boys, like, you know, when they do this like, what do you truly think when they're doing the like, what are you doing tonight? You just think they're doing that to like multiple girls?

And then do you think at the end of night they pick one to see? they can hook up or do you think sometimes they just want attention? I think probably both. I think it does come from. So what I've learned from talking to these guys is that they're all like deeply, deeply like ill. Like they have either baggage from their parents or this, that, and the other reason why they act like this.

And it's like, go seek help before you bring someone else into your like fucked up bullshit, you know? Because I think dating is basically just finding someone who's fucked upness matches your fucked upness. Like, yeah, I should probably find someone who is like clingy and wants to be like super attached to someone. That's not what I'm attracted to, unfortunately, but like it, I don't know, these people, they are just like messed up. Well, and we always say, we've had so many guys on our show too. And we've, there was like this common thread of guys that are quote unquote fuck boys, noncommittal, whatever it is. And they all like got their heartbroken

by their first love in college. Oh my God. Yes. They're like, we're like, when was your last relationship? They're like, I don't really did. I did this. girl in college, were like, did she break your heart? And they're like, yeah, we're like, we knew it. We knew it. No. They take it out on every woman until the end of time. Yeah. They never recover. No, this guy I relapsed with recently when he ended things. He was like, I just am scared of getting hurt because my girlfriend broke up with me three years ago. Of course. I was like, bitch, if you knew the shit that I've been through in the last three years and you're scared of getting hurt, I just, it's like what happened? What went wrong? Right. What went wrong? I don't know.

Maybe they don't have the emotional capacity. They don't know how to have. to heal. They're not as resilient as women. I mean, I could go on forever. But we want to talk about if there's any other fuckboy tendencies, but you have this treatment program. Right. Well, the treatment program originally started as treating the addict side and now it's 360. I call it 360 healing. Because now I'm trying to attack the fuckboys as well. And when I do bring them on for the redemption, it's never to roast them or to make them like, I don't want to publicly shame them because I don't think there's any growth from that. But having like a really productive conversation just about like why you are the way that you are, kind of what your past transgressions have been,

and then figure out, like, what are next steps for you to get better? Because what I find with these dudes, too, is that they all kind of want to be swept off their feet. They're waiting for someone to walk in the door and just, like, be the perfect woman and be, like, this magical thing that doesn't exist. And you just can't, you're not going to ever find that. So how do we stop you from just, like, leaving this wake of, like, heartbroken women in your path? It's so true because every woman is, like,

how do I turn this fuck boy situation around? Like, how do I make him be my boyfriend? And it's like, you don't. You don't. You absolutely are never going to convince another person to stop and change. So, like, you just need to go live your life. Yeah. You shouldn't blame themselves a lot.

And they're like, maybe I was prettier, funnier, less available, whatever it is. Like, I think that we just have to, like, take the blame off of women for some of this. Absolutely. You know, like, if you leaned in, then that's on you. If somebody, I guess, was honest about what they're doing. But, like, it's not our fault that we're. We just listened to somebody be nice to us and fun and believed what they were saying. I believe what they were saying.

Yeah. Because a lot of times they're straight up telling you exactly what you want to hear. Yeah. And I've just learned to not trust that and like take it with a grain of salt. But it's not, I don't, I do sometimes weigh myself when I'm like, oh, I saw the signs they were there. I've, I've been with a person like this before and then they hurt me. But it's really not on me if they're going to freak out or like snap one day and just

be like, I can't do this. Absolutely not. We talked about this before. that like you shouldn't punish yourself for just enjoying a situation that seemed fun and enjoyable and believing somebody who seemed like a nice person and seemed into you. And you're not like a terrible idiot and a moron for just trying to enjoy your life. But I think also when you're like a lot younger, you just, you don't, you are a little more naive and then you start to realize the red flags.

And that is such the red flag to me is like the too much too soon. Like Raina dealt with that recently. It was just like, no. I dated a guy that did fall in love with me right away, and he didn't act like that. Like, it was normal. Like, when people just make those future plans, and we said it with the Dan Soder episode,

it's like the future plans, the relationship dirty talk. It's like, we should do this this summer and we should go to the Hampton. It's like, this is our second date. Like, just run. You can't trust it. Men that are really falling for you

and they're genuine about it, don't say stuff like that. Yeah. That's the sign of something's up. Yeah. Something's amiss. I went out of a date with that guy, and he did.

so many fuckboy behaviors in the first like couple of hours and I was like I just I feel like I see it now. So like he did the he was really over the moon about me like you're so amazing. You're so incredible. Like how does how can I just like be with you and date you? And I just feel like it's like too soon to be this familiar with me. How long have you been talking? This is our first date. But had you had like previous texting convos? We had met four days before that and he didn't really know anything. And it's not I am great and I'm wonderful. I appreciate somebody appreciating be with me. it. I don't know. Something in my brain was like, this is too much. Isn't it sad

that hearing that stuff makes you be like, what the fuck is up with this guy? It was too. There is a line. I can't explain it. I just know it when I feel it. There was just a line where I was like, this is too much. And then he also did the future plans thing where he was like, well, you'll meet them or you'll, and we should take these trips and we should do these things, but was completely

non-committal about every single day average plans. And he was the guy that I was hanging out with Ashley. I think I was here like 4 o'clock and I was like, hey, do you want to get a drink later? And he was like, I'm going to wrap this thing up and I'll let you know. He should have been like an hour. He was like, I'm going to get in the shower.

I'll see how I feel after. He just kept like pushing it off and pushing it off and pushing off. Did you ever, you didn't ever see him? No. And so 9.30 that night, he texted me was like, I'm just really tired, whatever. And so aren't we all tired? What I did. Because I think I've been sitting around all day.

I'm tired too, bitch, but I was going to. Anyway, go right. So what I did, we've been out. We've gone out once, but he had done this like weird quasi, quasi, like pushing plans off twice that week. And I picked up the phone and called him. And I was like, look, no hard feeling.

Like, I see what's going on here. I don't like this. And I wouldn't like it if my friends made plans with me like this. I wouldn't like it if my mom made plans with me like this. I make a plan with me or don't, but don't do this to me again. I really don't like it. Wow. Bravo.

Thank you. And I think I said it in just like a, I had like a drink. I wasn't like mad. It was like lighter and easier than that. But I was just like, don't do this. I don't, I'm not going to do this. And then I saw him the next day. I was like, if you want to see me, you'll see me.

Otherwise, let's not do this. He was like, all right, I'll go out with you on Sunday because I have less options. Oh, my God. Well, here's great Sunday. Here's something. No, I'm saying those guys are like, I just think they have a bunch of girls in the rotation. They must, right? That's why they're pushing.

I don't know. Or they're lazy. Why do you think they push you off all night? Why do you think that they like give you a, I'll let you know and then just don't text you for four hours? You think it's for other girls? You think it's because they're friends? I think friends or they're just like, I'm too tired to like make an effort with someone right now. That's what I think.

Yeah. And yeah, I didn't mean to like insult you that he had other girls. I think it can be a multitude issue. Sometimes they just literally want to go out with their dude friends. And they're not going to make concessions for you at all. No, that's the thing that annoys me. Try to hit you up at midnight. Yeah.

Or one. Because I'm pretty accommodating when it comes to plans. And if I want to see someone, I will move mountains to do so. And that's the issue because they won't do that for me. And something I've been struggling with is like, you want to retain the power in these dynamics, which I hate it. I hate that it has to be that way. But there is a level of like power dynamics in it.

But if you always let them initiate plans because you're too scared, they're going to say no, you're giving them all the power. Which, like, I haven't found the sweet spot yet of, like, being up front with someone and being like, I want to see you. I want to hang out with you without completely relinquishing, like, all the power in the situation to them, you know? It's like, what's the balance? I think a part of it, we just say this.

We've said this before. Just like live your life. Like, go do your, don't break your plans. Like, I had a thing recently with the girlfriend where she broke plans with me to go see this guy. And I was fucking pissed. And I was like, don't do this. to me again. I'm not, I don't condone it. I don't suggest it if you're trying to find somebody. I think that guys pick up on this desperation to available type of thing and just live your life.

So if a guy you really like wants to see you on a Wednesday and you have plans that night, don't break your plans. Say, how about Thursday? Or if at like four o'clock, somebody says, like, maybe I'll see you later. Give it two hours. If somebody doesn't give you a concrete plan, then like, you should go live your life. I've had those nights, not recently, thank God, but like, where you do your makeup and like you do your hair and you just sit on the couch and you like it's 9.30 at night and they still have texted you back. It feels real bad. I'm just, I'm never, I mean, maybe I've just outgrown outgrown it. I used to do this when I was younger. I would never get ready unless we have set plans. Like you cannot trust it. I don't think any guy that's doing

that back and forth, maybe later, maybe this day is you're ever going to go out with them? No, you don't have plans. If a guy wanted to see you, he would be seeing you. Absolutely. And I think there's this fear that if I don't rearrange plans, I'm never going to see that person again. And And if you have that fear, then you shouldn't ever see them again. Like, if they're not making you feel comfortable enough that if you, that if you go out with your friend tonight and don't see them, that they're going to, like, just drop you, that's not good. That's not a good dynamic.

And I found myself in that, I was happier this past instance with this guy. I was less like that. Like, if I had plans, I would keep them and just say, like, let's do something later in the week. But I've definitely found myself, like, canceling plans and upsetting friends being like, well, I have to see this guy. Because, like, what if I don't, what, I need this time, I'm going to make. it so like I'm going to reel him in and then I'm going to hang out with him consistently.

It's never going to work out like that. Yeah. I mean, if a guy wants to see you, he'll see you. It's just totally true. I think Nikki posted a clip recently. She was on Tom Sigur show and Tom and his wife were like, we promise you. If a guy likes you, he will see you. He will make plans. If you don't see him the night that he asks if you have plans, he'll like you even more. Like he'll make it work. How sexy is it if somebody doesn't follow up with you? And then they follow up three hours later and you're like, I'm so sorry, I didn't hear from you. So I just figured, you know, we weren't going to see you. But let's do something another time.

Like, you look sexy, you look unavailable, you look busy, you look like you, something like going on. Like, that's what we want a partner anyways. Yeah. Right. Like people that aren't just sitting around waiting on you. What more do we have to talk about rehabilitation-wise? So I think if you want me to go through my six steps of overcoming fuckboy addiction,

I can do that. Of course we do. Okay. So step one is to admit that you have a problem. That's kind of the classic addiction trope of like you have to acknowledge that you do have some ownership in this. Like I was constantly being disappointed and feeling screwed over and feeling sad. And I, at a certain point I had to just acknowledge that I was entering into some of these situations knowingly. So admitting that I had a problem was important.

Step two is to start demanding better. So you don't just kind of bend to their every wish and whim. You don't meet up with them at two in the morning. you kind of like, basically the bar is on the floor. I mean, that's like widely known. Just something that trips me up when I'm in a new thing is like, if he treats me better than like a dormat, I'm like, okay, this is serious. Like if a guy calls me to make plans,

I've had to really train myself not to think this way. But since the standards are so low, it's like the smallest little thing can really, I can like conflate that in my mind. So you just have to like recalibrate your expectations. Step three is to relapse. I built that into the program because you're going to relapse. I relapsed multiple times.

I did get to my 100 days. I got to like 220 and then relapsed again, which it happens. But step four is to come back stronger. So that's important too. You come back with a renewed sense of like I need to get over this addiction. Step five is to feel gratitude. So I've been very thankful that these guys who screwed me over screwed me over because if they didn't, then I'd be dating a fuck boy, which I don't want to do that either.

You know, step five, I also built in as of recently is to date women, which we could talk about more. And then step six is to seek revenge. So for me, that means, like, I have already said this, but when I win my first major award, I'm going to call out every guy who's ever goes to me by name in my acceptance speech. We have always said when we sell out Madison's Guard, we're going to call all of our exes that so brutally broke up with us. I love that. Yeah.

And I know revenge sometimes has a negative connotation, but I think if you, use it to like reclaim your power, then it's fine. Yeah. My favorite thing I did, which at this point I will have said it on your show probably, but at this guy I was dating, I was really thought I was in love with him. He cheated on me with a girl he ended up getting engaged to. And then I got invited to the wedding from another friend. Oh my God.

And I went to the wedding. And I sat right across from them. Like I sat across from the bride because the guy that, the guy that, no, no, no, no. Not a lot of people knew. He was a fuckboy. So he didn't have social media. He was keeping me a secret because I kind of like dated his other friend. And that was his way of like keeping us under wraps.

And he'd like gotten kind of fat. It was so incredible. I was like, I will never feel better than this. And I was just living my life. I got invited to a wedding. I wasn't trying to be revengeful. I just went. But you definitely, yeah.

No, that's a power move right there. I think any guy who wants to keep it a secret is that's a huge. That's a crazy thing. Yes. But so many guys are like that. It's weird. It's like, why do you think people care? They don't.

What kind of spins do they put on it or they're like, I'm just really private? I'm private or I just got out of something or I just don't want people talking about. It's like, stop, no one cares about you. Sorry. That is the loudest red flag. That's like a red flag, but like you need to take responsibility for not having seen. I mean, I don't think you were out here thinking it was like a normal thing. Well, we had, there was a reason.

I dated his friend. I mean, it was, but I mean, still, then I started to realize, oh, like when we first hooked up, he had a girlfriend. Like, he was a fuck boy, you know? And, God, he doesn't have social media. I can't find him anywhere. I hate it. I hate it. I stalk everybody.

I talk everyone I've ever had sex with. So the internet is so dangerous in that way. I'm constantly looking up the people I've slept with. Me too. I just want to find them all. Yeah. I went to a show last night and a comedian I've made out with a few times was on the show. And he didn't say hi to me, which I think is weird because it's like we didn't have a messy ending or anything.

We never even had sex. We just like made out. And he was just gushing about his new girlfriend. And I'm like, how do these men find, like, why are you the one that gets to be in a happy relationship now, you know? This happens to me so much where these fucked up comedians who screwed me over so badly, then end up in these, like, healthy relationships. Well, you don't know that they're healthy also. I don't know that they're healthy, but the fact that they're even happy is like, that annoys me. They're probably not happy. Yeah. I think that we all, I just like, that's what I know deep down

that these men that do this hate themselves. Like, I do, not all, but like, the people that treat people badly really are self-loathing, like, not to get too deep with it. But like, I strongly believe that. And they can balance from relationship to the relationship. But like, they're, they hate themselves at the end of the day. Right. Also, I want to say that I don't think there's anything wrong with mental illness. Obviously, we all have our issues, but like, you should be trying to like overcome those instead of like bringing people into your web of like crazy, you know, because I have dated a lot of comedians who I know are in therapy or are working on themselves. And it's like, well, you need, you're not working hard enough. You need to be doing more, more breakthroughs. And then we can talk because it's just not fair. Or not be with somebody, you know? Like, you're not working hard enough. You know? Like, you're not working hard enough. You need to be doing more. You need to be doing more. You know, like, If you're, I think that like some of these things are super easy to spot. I think like the non-committal plans thing and like the overly effervescent being obsessed with somebody, it's like this gray area in the middle that's like harder to define for me.

We're like they won't define the relationship, but you're in a relationship. Like if you ran the tape and you like went to court in the court of law, they've done something wrong to you really because they're up front and honest, you're not really their girlfriend. They're not taking you to work functions because you're not really their girlfriend. But like, you're like, I feel like I am and something's wrong. I just don't feel good. And those are like the gray area thing that I think is like hard to like fight back against. Yeah.

I mean, it's just we had a friend that we felt like dealt with this so much. And she just had never had like a really solid loving, committed relationship to base it on. Like I always think of like once you've had it, it is hard to go back. You know, I mean, we've all had our heart broke, our hearts broken and stuff like that. But also I'm in my 30s. But the whole like just all that noncommittal bullshit. I just don't, I don't let me patience for it anymore.

I'm like, you don't like me. That I don't like you. You don't like me. You're streaming along. I don't feel prioritized. I'm turned off by this. And it took a long time to get there. It takes time to get there.

I think hopefully you just, I don't know, for me, I feel like I'm very damaged by all these situations. So I'm getting jaded into the point where it's like, I have so many emotional walls up that I don't even want to like enter into something with someone because it just takes so long to like feel secure in whatever the dynamic is. But I think right now what I'm trying to express is like dating should be fun. Like there was a point in time where I think dating was fun.

I don't think it's fun now. I think people get so stressed out intense and there's so much like just stress surrounding every single touch point of this of relationships, even if you're not dating the person. It's like when I was hooking up with this guy, I was like, this isn't fun. I don't even need you to date me. I don't need to be my boyfriend. I just want to have fun. And this isn't fun because you're stressing me out and you're making me feel insecure. And I don't, that's not something that I'm like welcoming into my life right now. So if you want to have fun, slide into my DMs. You know what I mean? But like, I don't need all this stress and, like, sadness.

That's such a great point. I think it used to be different back before social media, too. Like, you didn't know what people are doing. Somebody could be dating a couple other people, but you wouldn't be able to find out, like, by stalking them on the internet. And you would just be like, yeah, this is fun. I'm having fun. Like, I think about my mom when we talk about dating.

She was like, I would date a bunch of guys at once. It was fun. Yeah, it does feel less at less enjoyable. It's not, it's torture. I just think there's also a million people in the world giving you a million piece of advice, your mom has advice, your therapist advice, this podcast has advice. You know, there's a billion self-help books if you go to the airport.

It is wall-to-wall, self-help books before you get on the plane. And I just think that, like, there's no right answer for how to, like, be and how to fix another person. But, like, if you're with it, I think just like the answer is like, if you're with a person, you don't feel good. If you can't focus throughout the day, if you can't enjoy work and, like, check into social plans,

then if you are really, like, not, then get away from that person. If they put you on edge, I think, is like, and that's what I see so much. And it makes me sad and I'm guilty of it too. I give people enough power to influence my whole day. The fact that someone could ruin my whole day by not texting me back, think about how insane that is. Yeah. It's crazy. We had a writer named Maria Del Rousseau on and we just can't quote this enough. If he likes you, you'll know. If he doesn't, you'll be confused. That's the answer.

Yeah. It is 100% true. And somebody not like you doesn't mean, again, I've, It's not hot take. We say this a lot. But it doesn't mean that you're not like cool and funny and smart and like the best person on the earth. It's just that person right now doesn't want to be decent to a person. And that's who you're with. So it's not a reflection of you. Yes. It's not on you. So you mentioned earlier and I kind of want to go back to this, these like the fuck boy redemptions. And who did you say that you kind of redeemed? That's like, who was it? Well, I've done Carl Radke. Yeah. And then I did someone named Tom, who was just a normal civilian. And then I did another civilian named Chase.

Okay. But did Tom, the one that said, like, it wasn't lightning for me, right? You said somebody had said that they have since told two women. Oh, yes. That's him. Yep, that's Tom. So was it just, okay, and guys, if you don't know, like, basically Mary Beth, you sit these men down, you ask him a series of questions.

And Carl also is somebody that's on Summerhouse. If you guys don't know who that is, that's what we saw. And he seemed pretty oblivious to his actions. But I'm curious how this other guy, Tom, the civilian, like, Was it just him being held accountable for his actions? Did he just take some time and think about it and then realized what he'd been doing? He was pretty aware that his actions are bad and damaging. So he was an interesting one.

His friend, who I went to Boston College with, DM'd me and said, I have a guy for you to do the redemption with. He's like, such a great guy. We love him. He's so funny. He's like a great friend, but he just like plows through women, basically. And so I got lunch with him and did my pre-interview. then I sat down with two of his friends and a girl that he used to hook up with.

And I had them on camera. I interviewed them about his past behaviors and got some context to show the audience at the show. So that was a really interesting one. The background checks. Yeah, the background checks, the receipts. So that was interesting because he is like 28. And I think, so he told me about like all these, you know, previous instances where he's like not been a good guy.

He like, he once canceled plans on a girl because he said he just got out of, he just finished a testosterone treatment and he needed time to. like find himself again. He once broke up with someone by sending them a YouTube link to a song called I don't want to hurt you or something. Like he has slept with his other friend's sister multiple times. He had a lot of history. But he was in love with this girl. And when he tried to commit to her and be monogamous, he told me that his identity is so rooted in trying to sleep with women that when he was monogamous, he had no idea. He like had an identity crisis basically because he was like, he freaked out. He was like, I don't know why I go to work anymore. I don't know why I go to work anymore. I don't know why I

out anymore. Like, he truly, like, could not, like, he just couldn't justify it in his brain because he didn't know what he was living for if not to, like, go out and sleep with women. So it was, like, self-worth almost came from, like, from fucking girls. And I think that's- It's, like, so deeply rooted, men, go to therapy. I know. And that was part of his pledge that we did at the end when we baptized him was like, you need to seek treatment. But he, he is a great, he's really nice, you know. He has, like, a good job. He dresses well. He's a good-looking guy. I think that, you know, after doing this for, I think what's going to be interesting to see is these men who've been behaving this way for a decade, where do they go from there? You know, when they really do decide they want to settle down is, is it even possible for them?

So I want to talk about, do you think that this fuckboy stuff is just like a product of being really young? Or do you think that they grow up and change? Can they change? Okay. Okay. Also, did that work out with a girl or it couldn't work? No, they broke up. Okay. Also, I just, this is like a deep level.

because I think there's guys that are like, I'm just literally having fun fucking girls. I don't, and party and I don't want to settle down, which is also fine. But I don't think that that's true. But then there's guys that are like... But it's not leading people to believe that they're having people to have. There's like this, there's like I'm having fun.

I'm enjoying being single. And then there's like an insidious level of like manipulation and their self-worth being embedded in like fucking different women every night. And even having fun, I think at first, because I had fun. You know, I had fun for a year, year and a half, just kind of like fucking around doing whatever I wanted. but when you get, there's a point where there's an inherent, like, emptiness to it where you just, you know, you wake up the next day and you don't feel good about it. That's what I find on both sides of the issue is that people just are not having fun. If you're fucking around with women, men, whoever it is for eight plus years and you have nothing to show for it, that's how I feel sometimes. I've been dating in New York for almost eight years and I had a serious relationship in the middle there, but it's like, I don't even have someone I can text if I want to like booty call someone. Like it's, I feel like I've been, it's like,

you train for the Olympics or something and then you don't get on the team. It's like, I've been working so hard on like bettering myself and like dating all these different people. And I've, I mean, I've learned a lot about myself. I put that in quotes. It's like, I'm done learning. I don't want to learn anymore. You know what? Next guy I hook up with. Don't try to teach me anything. Let's just enjoy each other and don't hurt my feelings. But it's like, what do I, like, where do I go from here? I don't know. And where are these guys going to end up? I have no idea. I think we have to, I want to go back to what you were saying. You asked about age, right?

Do you think, do you think guys I'll grow some of this? I don't think it's just being young because there's fuck boys in their 40s, you know? Absolutely. It's like maybe they will, maybe they will find someone. One theory I have about like older guys dating younger women is that

younger women are not self-actualized people yet, so they're just kind of down to do whatever. And they don't see it. Yeah. They also just don't even know how to call you out on things. And we talk all the time about this relationship by how when I was 22 and like how terrible he was to me. And I don't even know that I knew he was terrible to me.

Yeah. Because I couldn't put like, verbiage to that. Yeah. Well, there's a, if there's like a 30, late 30s fuck boy by definition, it's like, yeah, he, of course, there's youth and there's beauty and you want to date a young hot chick. There's, there is that part of it. And there's some men that just are like, if a girl is over a certain age, I just physically don't find her attractive. That's fine. Whatever. Like, I don't find guys that look really old attractive. I'm like a younger looking person. So I'm guilty of it too. But there's part of it that they're like a 35 year old,

successful smart women is going to see right through me. A hundred percent. They just have to keep getting younger and more naive, and this is not a slight to the younger listeners, but it is true. It's true. And I think I don't know what changes. I would love to sit down with George Clooney

and just say, what was the difference with them all that you didn't find with any other people? Because that to me is an example of someone who was probably a fuck boy for decades and decades. And then maybe it's true. Maybe he was waiting for that spark and he just didn't find it until later in his life.

And I think that's fine. I want to be clear, like, one, I don't have all the answers. Probably people are fucking weird, though. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I mean, that's a whole different, like, level. Yeah. But it's like, I don't have all the answers.

I'm not judging anyone's lifestyle. I think for some people being a fuckboy makes them happy. It works for them for their whole lives. Good for you. I mean, I hope you're not hurting people, but whatever. But I think that a lot of people out there who are doing this do genuinely want to change. But it's like, where do you go when you hit 39? You know, and you're single and you, what are you going to do?

Yeah. The problem is men just don't stop. they do think there's this perfect unicorn. And it's like, just when you find the person that you like really like spending time with and you care about and like they have these qualities that you want, you just got to stop. And men just don't stop. They're like, no, no, no, I'll find her but a little better. And it's not true.

No. You said that at the beginning. They're looking for this like perfection that doesn't exist. Whereas women are like, who's the most damaged guy I can find? Let me just go with that. Yeah. No, that sounds like it's probably going to work out. I want to talk about, do you have anything else about this?

I want to talk about dating women. About her dating women? Yeah. It's part of the program. Can women be fuck boys, you think? Definitely. Okay. Well, I'm talking about you choosing to date women.

Yeah. So it's, I mean, I've been, I've been attracted to women and I had, like, a situation with my best friend where we, like, hooked up a few times. But I think I just was, I just thought, like, I'm straight and that's it. You know, I kind of thought that the buck stops here with dudes. But then I kind of met this girl over the side. who I was like really interested in and ended up, we saw each other for like a month or so. And it was like a really positive thing because women are just like, I mean, it's still difficult. Like humans are difficult. And so it wasn't perfect. There's a lot of differences with women. Like I find that

lesbians, at least the ones that I've interacted are like really emotionally mature. Sometimes to the point where it's like, whoa, we are talking about our feelings way too much. You know, it's like the opposite end of the spectrum. That's like the sexicity thing. Yeah. Like when Samantha went lesbian. She was like, I can't deal with like the bathtub heart to heart. 100%. So I mean, I put it in the in the program sort of jokingly, but it is like, I mean, I think now's a time when people are so open and like, you know, down to like experiment and figure out where they kind of fall on the spectrum of sexuality. And for me, I've found over the last few months that I am bisexual, but there's definitely female fuckboys out there. I went to the cubby

hole one night with my friend, which is like a lesbian bar in the West Village. And I was going there to be her wing man. I wasn't like necessarily looking for anything, but I saw this woman who was like gorgeous, older, she was 40. And we talked like the whole night. And then we ended up leaving together. She walked me home. And I didn't think we were going to hook up because it was like 3.30 a.m. But then she came upstairs and, you know, we hooked up and then exchange numbers. I never heard from her. And it was like indicative to me that like if you see a 40 year old wearing a fedora man or woman, red flag. And then my friend. went to a Halloween party where she was.

That really crushed my soul. I know. It was like, it bummed me out. But she was at a Halloween party with my friend last week. And my friend was like, oh, Mary Best says hi. And she was like, I don't know who that is. And it's like, okay, bitch, how dare you? What? Yeah.

Oh, my God. But it falls on both sides. Yeah. Okay. I think you're right, though. I think some people are just doing this for so many years and they're just plowing through people or so long they just like forget how to stop manipulating people. and just be kind of decent.

I don't think you find it as much in women. I just think it's like men just see that their friends are doing it and that guys older than them have done it. And they're like, I'm just going to do it too. But like, it's wild. I mean, I wasn't expecting us to get engaged, you know, after a night at the cubbyhole. But it's like, of course I remember who you are.

If I saw you in the street, I would know who you are. You just don't. It's just a weird thing. I wouldn't see that coming. If I hooked up with a woman, I'd be like, well, she's going to call me again. Just because she's female. Yeah, just a terrible.

man. And then I'm like, I would be like totally like shook. Like, oh, right, we're all terrible. Have you hooked up with a girl who texts first? I wouldn't know who texts first. That's one thing. I mean, with the girl I kind of was dating, we just, it didn't even matter. Like, it didn't cross my mind. Double texting wasn't really a cons. I mean, I think it's just like, every dynamic is so different. And with her, just I felt comfortable. You know, it was a good reminder that it is, you are capable of feeling comfortable in a situation where if you text someone good night and you're the first one to text in the morning, you're not crazy. Right. I don't, I don't get too much into, like, like who texts first. That's good. I mean, I guess if you meet somebody out, I don't know. Like, once you're kind of dating somebody, I don't think about that as much. You don't. I don't know about it. I don't care at all.

What do you say to the girl that's like, I feel like, granted this isn't the email that we've read at our shows. We've sort of since retired it. But she's like, I just love these guys. I know. I know I'm doing it. I can't stop. I only date douchebags.

They're tall and hot and funny and I can't stop. And I don't. And like, she literally knew everything that was wrong with her and still was like, I can't stop. And then I try to act like I want to be friends. benefits, but I know I'm lying to myself, and then I fuck them in the first hour of meeting them. It was just the funniest email that we've gotten from somebody. And I think that's a lot of people's story. Her email is a little erratic, but I think, like, they're fun. They're fun and

funny. And they're, like, what do you? And you like the drama a little bit too. It's like, are they going to confirm plans? Are they going to see me? This guy is so hot. He can have anybody, but he wants me, saying all those great stuff about me and like, is this going to fall, you know? And I love that, like, I want to talk more about like your redemption plan because you're right. Like how do you accept responsibility, but also like not be so jaded and disappointed all the time? It's such a balance. And change your type. Self-awareness is so important, but there's a difference between identifying your behavior and changing it.

And like for a long time kind of being low-key, not sleeping around. For a year, almost a year, I was doing great, not hooking up with fuckboys. I was hardly sleeping with anyone. I was just like, I need to like do this for myself. I had really noticed a pattern and it wasn't making me happy. So I decided to change it. But then... So for the year, though, who were you dating?

I wasn't really dating. Okay. Just like focusing on comedy and like your life and your friends. Yeah. If people would come in and out of my life, like, you know, there was one comedian I met who I found attractive. We slept together a few times that there was no bad blood, you know. You didn't put a ton of stock into it.

Yeah. It was a positive situation, but I didn't expect a future from it. And I didn't get a future out of it. And that was fine. But I think once you relapse, at least I find you'll relapse again. So like, I was doing great. And then I started seeing this guy in July. who turned out to be a fuck boy,

totally did not have any of the red flags that I was used to seeing. A low-key, he was on the DL. Comedian, too? No. Okay, good. You've said comedian a lot. No, he was straight outside.

Yeah, stop dating comedians. I know. What's a low-key indicator? I'm a fuck boy then. I gotta, like, be out here just looking for everything now. I know. So you didn't know he was one. Yeah, so how do you know?

I mean, I can give you the short version. I basically was like, before we slept together, I was like, just so you know, like, I'm trying to be really good to myself this year. I'm not sleeping around. I'm kind of trying to like make room for someone in my life. So this is where I'm coming from. If we sleep together, that is to me, that's telling me that you want to like kind of invest in this a little bit and see each other again.

And he was like, absolutely, yes, of course, blah, blah, bye, enjoy hanging out with you. Then he canceled plans on me twice. Then he went away to Scotland for 10 days. So I was like, he said, we'll definitely hang out when I get back. He got back, didn't text me. I texted him and said, hey, I don't think this is working out. I need someone who's going to put effort in and either you can't or don't want to. Either way, it's fine.

No, hard feelings. He texted me back and said, no, I'm so bummed. I don't want to stop seeing each other. So I said, all right, fine. I'm leaving for L.A. in two weeks if you want to hang before then. He took me out two days later, sat me down. We had a two-hour date. At the end of it, he said, so I'm really ambivalent about dating and I think we should stop seeing each other.

I cannot believe that's the end of the story. It's like he had to end it. You tried to end it. I gave him an opening on a silver fucking platter. it took so much of me to send that text because usually I'm like, we'll just keep doing it until he ends it or like until like, yeah. But no, I said, you know what?

I'm putting myself first this time. I'm sticking true to what I believe, which is that like if he's not showing up for me, I need to end it. And then I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. And then he wasted my fucking time. And I just want to say like, look, I want to give some credit to men.

Some people just aren't interested in you and you need to take, and I'll get to the end of this. But some people really just aren't interested in you and they don't want to date you. And if you got on a few dates with somebody they're not being committal and they're going away and they're not texting you. That guy's not interested in you.

He's not the worst person in the world. He should have just ended things maybe. But like some people just aren't a piece of shit. They're just not interested in you and you need to take responsibility. This guy though, you gave every opening to be like, hey, I'm not into it. And he still spent all this time with you and then did this. And it sounded like when you texted him after he got back, you were just trying to like get closure. Yeah, I just didn't want there to be any bad blood.

I wanted to close the book on it. Close it. And I was. So even when you change, because I met him on a dating app, he had messaged me twice on the dating app. He asked me to drinks. I was really not pursuing him at that point. I'm not on Hinge anymore. Thank God because everyone on there's fucking psycho.

But he, like, I really try. He was not my usual type either. So I really tried to, I changed my behavior, but you can only be as, you can only be responsible for your own actions. And it sounds like you try to do the right thing. It sounds like you were just like, I see the writing on the wall and I just want to like. I just want to end it. Yeah, I just want to end things.

So you can't be like super hard on your, I know you're being like upset and hard on yourself about it. I mean, I was so, I was like gutted, especially because when we started talking at the end of the date, I thought we were talking about how we were going to make it work. And he was talking about how we weren't going to make it work. So there are just so many ways I would have like reacted differently had I known. I'd also had two cocktails.

So I was like, I didn't have my wits about me to be like, are you fucking kidding me? What happened here? I said that. This was my idea. I told you, I told you that you're ambivalent. about dating. And now you're going to, it really just did me for a loop. It threw me for murder that guy. Yeah. Like he needs revenge. I know. I mean, I talked about it. I'm trying to not be like that, but. No, but it is, it's upsetting. So to this person, I would say, because now I, most recently I did date

kind of the comedian who had the red flags and whatever, but it's like sometimes, and I said this to my therapist, I was like, is this just my personality that I'm always going to be embroiled in this drama? Like, maybe I am like feeding off of this in some way. But she's like, it's not. it's just you try to give people the benefit of the doubt. And like, yes, I am self-aware. It sounds like the person who wrote that email also is self-aware. But if she's not going to make an effort to change who she's going for, then if you're enjoying this, keep doing it.

I mean, yeah. I think that maybe, like, you can make a case for people, like, men that are, like, a little bit harder to get. Maybe people are, like, a little more serious and don't give you everything up front. And, like, that's this guy that I just met that I really like. Uh-oh. He's just not as, like, effervescent. and bubbly is like everybody that I'm normally into.

I'm sure he'll do something terrible too. But I just, I think sometimes you got to like give somebody that's totally different a chance because I think that like the number one question is girls are like, but can I turn him into my boyfriend? Can I make this fuck boy my boyfriend? It's like, why are you trying?

Stop trying. Don't try. Take somebody else. Do not set out to change someone because you will always be disappointed. Uh-huh. The point 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0% of that, like instances where that happens,

where you are the girl that sweeps them off his feet, it's like, it's probably not going to be you. So just don't even bother. That's such a great call. I love that you said that, Raina just like, that was my experience too with an ex of mine. Like I was kind of talking this other guy that was just textbook fuckboy, like money, tall, like, you know, out all hours of the night partying. And then when I met my guy that I dated and fell for, like, I was still kind of liking

this other guy. And I was like, I'm not going to date this guy. He's just, he's not my type. He's not like alpha. Like I just, it's not, but I just kept hanging out with him. And then he just, he wasn't a fuck boy. You know, we had a great relationship until we did. But I was so caught up in this like, no, no, no, I need like the popular guy.

Like, I need the like big man on campus type that like everybody wants to party with. Right. It's just it might not look like what you think it's going to look like. Yeah. Just give somebody different a chance. I'm not saying anything will work out with this guy necessarily. We've hooked up twice. But like he did this thing.

He like sent me a gift of something that like I was drunk and saw on a window. And he sent it to me. Okay. That's like really nice. And I was just like, and he didn't make like a huge deal. about it. It was just something cheap and funny that I thought was like great and thoughtful, but I was like, maybe this is like a worthwhile person. Like, again, I don't know that anything's going to like progress, but I was like, this is somebody who I never would normally date or

like sign up for and I'm just going to try something new because I'm like you. I think that like I need the really popular, everybody likes them, like just bubbly and fun, sporty kind of guy. Like maybe I don't need that. I don't know. Also just, I feel like what you're probably feeling with this guy and what I felt in the past with the relationships that actually worked out was just like, I'm at ease. I know they're going to text me. I know we're going to hang out. I know they're going to make a plan.

I'm not stressed. I know they're going to send me a fucking gift. No, I'm just kidding. That's your experience. But like, you know, it's just, I want everybody to know what that feels like. It's a really nice feeling. It just takes a long time to get there, though.

That didn't happen for me until later in life. Like, we have so many younger listeners, and you're 28. I don't know if we said. But, you know, the girls that are listening, they're like 20, 22. Like, you're just going to have to get through it. Like, we all just had to date fuck boys for years.

Like, you're fine. I hate to talk down to people, but like, you're just going to have to get fucked over by fuckboys. It's part of, like, becoming a woman. It's like our right of passage. It's unfortunate. I think so I officiated, I lived with my two gay best friends for three years, and I've known one of them since high school.

The other one, they met when we were 18, so I've known him. They dated for 10 years before they got married. And when I was writing their wedding ceremony, it dawned on me. Like, they have set this very high standard. Like, you can't go from one date to 10 years. It takes so much time to get to that level of comfort with someone.

And I think, like, I have a lot of friends who've been in eight, 10-year relationships. Like, several of my closest friends met their partners in high school or college. And I look at that and I think, like, why can't I just get to that point with someone? But it takes 10-year, it really takes that time. So if you're 22 and you're dating around and you just feel like there's, you know, nothing good's coming of it or you're kind of, it just takes time. You just have to grow up a little bit. Some people have the benefit of meeting their partner when they're 18.

You guys can grow up together and have that security, but that most of the time doesn't happen. And I think it's just like, you just have to have faith that you will have some good experiences, which is the only thing that keeps me going. For sure. We get a lot of emails from girls that are in college or just after that are like, I just feel like despair and hopelessness

because like, am I going to find him? Where is he? And it's like, guys that age have not learned how to treat you well yet because they've never been forced to do it yet. But then we'll get messages from a woman that's like, I'm 50 and it hasn't changed. You know what I mean? Like sometimes it never changes.

It's all bad girls. That's the message. I think it does get better. But then it's just crazy when we get these messages from women that are maybe a little older than our typical demo and they're like in their 40s or even their 50s and they're divorced or maybe they've never been married and they're like, same shit. Same old shit. We're like, oh, right.

Well, I look at some of them never get redeemed. I know. And that is honestly so sad that there's no accountability. I mean, I think that's just the big issue right now is like there's no accountability. So that's what I want to like promote in my show is that. like if you call someone out for their behavior, you're not going to, if they tell their friends, you're crazy, what do you care? Like, they're still going to be that little glimmer that like it does kind of get to them because they know that you're right. So it's like, I think the issue with fuck

boys is just that they can fuck someone and then there's no accountability. Like whatever happens after they've kind of absolved themselves of it. And like, that's not how the world works. Like, there has to be accountability. Otherwise, they're never going to change. Right. And in New York, I mean, and other bigger cities that there's so, there's so much anonymity. So, like, you know, when you're in high school, you're in college or you're in a small town, like you guys feel a little more accountable because they're like, well, I know your friends and we have mutual friends. And we always say that's a kind of, you hope it's a better way to get hooked up with somebody

if you have a mutual friend because they're being held accountable somewhat. They might have to treat you a little better. But, I mean, when you meet somebody on a fucking app in New York City, they can shit all over you and just never see you again. Right. Or that guy went out a couple weeks ago. I don't know any of his friends. I don't know anybody knows.

I know nothing about him. I know nothing about him. So, like, he really owes me. me nothing and he doesn't have to be accountable to me. Okay, here's what I want to talk about though. When you're talking, jog my memory, I think that as women, we need to stop looking at men that, like, that blow through women and being like, I'm going to be the one that's going to change him. Let's stop doing that. If you are not going to be the one that changes him, you are not going to be the, you're not special. Nobody he dated before that was special. It's, you are never going to

convince a man to change. You're just not. So, like, we have to stop thinking the worthy exception to the rule. You are the rule. And it's, Like, we only have so much. We're all inside the bell curve. There's only so much time in the day. You know, I have, I have career aspirations. I think if you want a project, if you see men as projects and that's your like little hobby, fine.

Do whatever you want. It's your life. Well, find a better hobby. But you know what? Find a girl that ever finished the project. Right. You can marry them, but they're still going to be pieces of shit in other ways to you. It's just, I don't have the time to be like, I'm going to fix this person because I'm not.

And I know that about myself. My therapist asks me, and by the way, I am a huge proponent of therapy. I thought I didn't need it for. really long time and it's totally changed my life. But my therapist was like, do you see men as projects? And I can say wholeheartedly, confidently, no, I do not. I have no kind of illusions about changing someone coming into their life and being the thing that makes them see things in a new way. There's just, I just know that that's not me. And I don't want to be spending my time doing that. I want to meet someone who's already worked on himself and or herself and they're just like

ready to be a good person to me. That's what I want. No fixer operas. That's what I'm looking for. We've all done it. I'm sure you've done it. I've done it. Oh, for sure. And I mean, that was like a full me once type of thing. I mean, whatever. It was what it was. But I'm not doing that again. I'm going to take a fully formed human. I wouldn't move into an unfinished apartment either.

I have no interest in redecorating. I want to come in. I want the plumbing to work. I want the kitchen to be already done. I don't care about the granite countertops. I wanted to be this brand new building. Everything's ready to go. Well, you kind of fucked up, huh?

You fucked up big time. What? There is 24-7 construction in this apartment building. It felt it was a house. apartment itself, it looks gorgeous. But once it's over, it's over. So, like, I don't know. Also, I think that we need to identify red flags

and get out of their quicker, okay? Just, we know, I mean, there's one relationship in particular I'm thinking, but like, this just went on forever. How long? Oh, they're still together. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. I just think that, like, one month in, fine.

You know, you start to see things, you walk away after a month. There's nothing wrong with you for thinking for a month. Months and months and months in, it's kind of your fault. You're an enabler. That's what I say. You're enabling. You also don't need to be mad.

If somebody blows you off twice, you can be accommodating by just saying, like, let's add this. You don't want to be like furious and mad either. Like, I feel like as I get older, I'm just becoming, I take things less personal, but I also walk away quicker.

Yeah. I see the writing on the wall and I just go away. But I also know that it's not super personal. I know that that person is doing that same fucking thing to 10 other girls. Yeah. It's not that personal. I don't get mad. It would take a lot to make me legitimately mad. I definitely get disappointed and upset with people at times, but I'm pretty even keeled. And I think like that, like, I had a guy tell me when I was hooking up with him, he was like, you're so chill. I feel like you might murder me. And I was like, good. Well, you should be afraid of that. Right. Yeah. Because maybe I will. Yeah. I could see that. And you know what? You're a silent killer. He broke my heart. So.

Oh, no. Do you feel like guys think you're a pushover? Is that, do you think because you're so relaxed and chill? and I don't know. I truly, I would love to find, I would love to find out. I don't, what I've heard is that, well, the feedback I've gotten, I don't think it's like a pushover thing. I truly don't know. You don't seem docile and in like moldable. You just, I would have a hard time reading you. And I'm so jealous of that because there is no one on earth doesn't know exactly what I'm thinking of feeling at all times forever because I'm like really bubbly and silly. And so like when I'm upset, you just know. And like, she can look at me and know exactly that I'm like bummed or upset or annoyed or whatever.

Like I envy people like you so much that like I look at your face. I'm like, what's going on? It's not. Trust me, it's not better. It's not better. There's no, there's no, there's no, there's no perfect. Everybody's getting screwed over. Do you, the bisexual thing, do you tell people that up top men and women?

I haven't really, it's so recent. I haven't really like talked about it that much. I mean, I have a joke about it and I've like been talking about it more. but I think it just hasn't come up. Like this guy most recently, I mean, he had seen the joke and he never like asked me about it. I think more women are finding out, which like I'm like, but women don't like slide into the DMs as much like in a romantic way.

I think guys are way more like emboldened to do that for some reason and it's always like the absolutely insane ones. But yeah, it's definitely something like new that I think I'm curious to see like how it unfolds kind of. Okay. So we'll see. Yeah. A lot of unknowns out there.

And who knows, I'll experiment with just being psychotic and I'll report back. I wish I liked women. Yeah. I'm not like kidding on you, but like I... Which she could be. If you want to go out, we can. Okay, guys, so new couple alert. New couple alert.

Well, we want to do, unless you have any final closing remarks on fuck boys, anything like that, but we want to do this little game with you. Yeah, anything else you want to say to like wrap up fuck boys? Did you get it all out? What I would want to say is just you deserve better. whoever you are, whatever your dating habits have been. You deserve better. You deserve to be treated well and feel like someone is bringing out the best in you,

someone who's additive to your life, not taking away from it. And that can be really hard to find. But as someone who has really been through the ringer, I for some reason, still have faith that it's possible. So you should too. That's great. Good. I love that.

We're going to have some pessimism now. That's going to be fun. I'll end on this. And Mary Beth, we don't, you can like jump in if you have any. We're just trying to make you laugh. Yeah. That's a good call. I live to laugh.

And also, I haven't checked this. So we, we crowd sourced from my audience. We said, finish this sentence. I knew he was a fuck boy when. And they sent us ridiculous. I just, I have to say, I thought we were going to get the same like five, six things. But really, men have found a way to just be creative. It's the creativity of it all.

Well, we said last week that, you know, when you send an accidental text, We've been doing this segment called Fuck My Phone, where you send, whatever, for lack of something more creative, you send your girlfriend, I really like this guy and you send it to him by accident, which is what it is. But I swear sometimes guys will try to do that on purpose. I think they're getting more creative. I think they think it makes them look like, oh my God, oops and like vulnerable. Like they send you the text that they're going to pretend was met for their friend and it's about you because they think it'll make them seem like they're super into you and they're not. They're just a fuck boy. Stay woke, ladies.

stay woke. Keep your eyes open. Every corner. We have not checked the Instagram story in like a few hours. I wrote down some really creative ones. Okay, I love this. You want to go back and forth? You want to get a couple. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. So anyway, the game is, I knew he was a fuck boy, when, and we're completing

that sentence. Okay. Okay. I just like this first one up top, he was born. There was a couple ones that were just like, his name is Ryan. Yeah. Ryan's fine. It's Kyle, Chad, and Brad. Not in that girl's experience, it wasn't. Okay. This This is a really solid one. I could not believe.

Dropped a plan B off at my doorstep the day after we had sex with no warning. Oh my God. Okay, but in a way, that's kind of nice. I know, I don't want it to pay for it. I know. And he went out and got it. I mean, he's definitely a fuckboy because that's insane,

but that's also low-key kind of thoughtful. It wouldn't be the deal breaker for me because I'd be like, you just saved me a decent amount of money. And a trip to CVS. Get a trip to Planned Parenthood. Right. But it's like, did you ask for it? Right.

It seems to be in a, like, did he just make an assumption? Just in case. Okay. He tried to pay for dinner with an empty gift card after talking about his boat. Oh. Ask me for drinks and then didn't message me again for one year. Oh, my God. That's the type of shit where I'm like, what happened there?

Cheated on me at all caps, church camp. Yeah. In Jesus's house? Oh, my God. Some of those. So they're in Atlanta. In Atlanta, I used to go to a church sometimes called Buckhead Church. and it is like a meat market.

People would go there like on dates. It was like all the young, good-looking people that like they were just out doing Coke all night and then they just showed up to church. I love performative religion. That's what it was. Like we're going to get dressed up and go to church. Performative religion. I love the way you said that.

This made me laugh. He sounds great. Ask me in the morning, so I guess he slept together. Ask me in the morning if I wanted to watch his football highlights film. Oh, my. Who on earth is that your mom wants to watch that? She doesn't even want to. But when I dated that guy who was on a night.

Nickelodeon guts, I did want to see that tape. If you asked for it, that's different. You're right, I did ask for it. If you kind the astro crag, then I want to fucking see it. He had the acro crag. Okay, this one's good. This is something I would do, though. You're fucked boy. Hey, and I want to say this too. The reason I decided to rehabilitate myself is because I became a fuck boy. And I didn't want to be that. Right. I bought navy blue sheets. Okay. Okay. And that's when you know, you become one.

Why? I don't know. Every fuck boy has navy blue sheets and one pillow. Yep. Oh, a lot of stuff about pillows. You are so right about the pillow. We got a lot of stuff in here about pillows. Okay, so the Navy Blue Sheets, okay. Not a lot of pillows and flat pillows. Do you have any names you think are automatically, fuckboys? Do you do anything of names?

Drew. That's her low key. I love it. I love it Drew. Do you think Kyle? Kyle for sure, Drew. I guess like. Drew like not Andrew, but Drew.

Drew and some Andrews. Kevin is just. Kevin's my ex-boyfriend's name. And I've hooked up with three, I had sex with three people named Kevin. All terrible? No. Only, well, no, no, they weren't all terrible. But to me, like, I've been trying to think of a term to describe someone who you've just

fucked a few times, because there really isn't one. Because you can't really call them your ex because you didn't date. He just fucked. So I want to call them my Kevin. A drop-in. Your Kevin. Just like you're Kevin. Okay.

This one, again, this is something I would do. Open the car door for his dog and not me. That is so funny. He, like, opened the car door to the dog and he was like, you're good. You would totally do that for doing. I would. Absolutely. So would I.

This is funny. I only wanted to hang out so I could shoot his anabolic steroids in his butt cheeks. Oh, girl. Run. She's like, I'm not a fuck it. Maybe she was a nurse, though.

Okay, the next one on this list is the number one craziest thing. Do I get to read it? You get to read it. It is so crazy. This is shocking. Referred to coming in my mouth as buying me a drink. That guy is a predator.

Wait, the next one's my favorite one. You get to read the next. This is my favorite one. This one comes with a great visual. So we got a lot of stuff about finding stuff at your like man's house, people's jeans, jewelry, but this one really took the cake, found another girl's concealer in his bathroom, and he claimed it was his so hard he even put it on. I don't know.

These last two have me speechless, to be honest. Which I've seen some guys are out here doing powder. I've seen it. But if you aren't on a Bravo reality show. We're not judging you if you guys are out here wearing a concealer. No, I am very pro-make-up for men, but don't be lying about it, though. At the end of our four-hour date, he told me he hadn't remembered my name the entire time. I don't know.

I appreciate the honesty. Why admit it? Yeah, there's got to be somewhere you could look that up. But actually, okay, here's the thing. This is not somebody you met at a party and talked for four hours. Like, you went on a date not knowing someone's name, which is the fuck boy part. That's an insane thing to do. Just look it up.

Just, yeah. Ask me your Instagram name. Go to the bathroom and look it up. just ask for the Instagram handle. Yeah. Then you'll know it. This is so good. These are so great.

I'm so excited you're here. This is amazing. We must probably mind more of these. In bed, he told me he had quote unquote plans for the rest of the fall and couldn't see me. Plans with it. Oh, I. It's not summer. It's not the Hamptons.

It's the, I got plans for the fall. Listen, one time a guy, all fall. One time a guy after we had sex left my apartment at 3 a.m. He said, because the marathons tomorrow, and I'm going to have trouble getting home. Oh, my God. As if he's running it or something. He's not even running it.

You're not running it. You just want to get uptown? No. I mean, as far as excuses go, that's creative. But I was like, get the fuck out of here. Right. You're not even running it. I hope you said that.

I'm excited you get to read this. Oh, no. This is going to hit hard for some people. I know this has happened to people. Broke up with me because he was moving to Japan for work. Three years later, he's still here. Oh, shit. I know people that's hard.

happened to. That's just a lie. That's just a dick. Yeah. This happened to me. I did not write this, but this Ashley knows this happened to me. Um, Booty called me at 6 a.m. on a Tuesday. What? I have this guy who will like DM me, always from the gym. First thing in the morning, like buzz, buzz, what's up? He is, he, you know who that guy is. He, we told the story on the podcast. I made out with him in my kitchen at a, at my housewarming party. Made out with him in my kitchen. Oh, geez. Yeah. He walked in the other room, sat down with Ashley and started talking about how to update his dating profile. Minutes after. That's fucking incredible. It was wild. He, I thought he was joking. I thought him and Rana weren't on a joke together. He made out with Rana, not even just in your kitchen, and in all over the

apartment. All of the apartment. And then came into the thing. It was like, Ashley, can you help me with my dating? I don't trust anyone. It was wild. He showed up early, brought a gift, just stay woke, ladies, just always keep your eyes out. Just always keep your eyes out. Anyone. Oh my God. This one's kind of funny. I'm curious what you think. Has a professional photographer take all of his Instagram photos. That's fucking ridiculous. Is he a model? Like a narcissist. I mean, Dale Moss can do that. That's fine. He can do anything. If you're a model, that's one thing. If you're a normie and you like live in Illinois, get a grip. I also just never want to date a guy that thinks he's a model in any way shape or form.

Even a model. Except for Dale Moss, except for Dale Moss, the one exception. But like, also Dale's like, whatever, that's part of his brand. But like a guy that like wants to be like a influencer model. I do feel sorry for straight guys who want. to be like that because it is so hard to do that and not be so iral, like, corny, fake. I think they'll find the right girl for them, though. They'll go on the bachelor in Paris. They'll find another influencer. Of course they will.

This one is so good, too. I'm so jealous. You get to read this. This is crazy because it sounds like she must have, I mean, it definitely happened. He made a note of when I got my period and would never hit me up during that week every month. I mean, after the first time, I think he doesn't like getting his dicks. I don't understand.

Right. You can still like... Right. You don't like... Even if you don't like period of sex. It's not... Okay. She has no value to you whatsoever.

Cheated on me and paid the girl $120 not to tell me. Okay. She should have asked for more. He sounds rich. Oh my gosh. Yeah. That's not enough money. Like 500 at least.

Okay. There's a few on here. I showed up to hang out and he had a shirtless picture of himself as his lock screen. That's crazy. That is a huge, huge indicator of an... Have you ever seen? No. I've seen people who have themselves as their lock screen solo, which I think is weird. I think it's so weird. If I see it, I'll call it out. I could be a stranger at a party and I'll be like, what is that? Absolutely. He called me Amanda, but my name is Marina. Oh, fuck. Not even close. He sent a group message with five different numbers on it that said, good morning, baby girl. First of all, if you ever call me baby girl. Wait, please, can you send me a screenshot of that? Whoever you are if you're listening. I need that. DM me that screenshot. All right, Emma. Her name's Emma.

we fucked, he said I was better than the other girls. He'd fucked that week. Oh. That is filthy. I hope you used a condom. All right. I feel like we're good. We'll save some. We'll do this again. That's so great. You guys, that's really, it's important. This is important. Making people feel heard, because this is really like, this can be damaging. Like, it's very funny, but it's damaging. Like, yeah. I mean, in that moment when when someone says that they can't have got with you anymore because they're moving to Japan, And then three years later, it's like, no, that actually hurts my feelings. I know.

Like, we can sit here and we laugh, but it's terrible behavior. Yeah. And if three men were sitting around on a couch recording her podcast, they would not have this much content about women. They just wouldn't. I know. And men do try to defend themselves and say, like, well, women can be bad too. It's like, yeah, they can, but just not on this level. Not on this level.

And it's very minimal. Just like, yeah, women murder people too. But, like, most murders are men. Yeah, they're out there. But as far as the percentages, it's not. I hate that way of thinking. And men love to bring that up. They have one example.

One girl. One that they cite forever. It's insane. Yeah, it's the girl in college broke my heart thing. It's just like one girl did something once. I have a joke about how I don't hang out with straight guys because we have nothing in common because I don't like sports or sexually assaulting people. And one time this guy was like, well, gay guys can be bad too.

And I was like, okay, so all men are bad. What's your point? What's your hammering at home? That isn't undo what I said, which is factual. You gotta just laugh at this fucking behavior and not take a personal. That guy is just a shitty guy. And we, again, like, I hate all this behavior when you really think about it. But like, the best thing to do is laugh about it.

Like, that's how I cope with everything. Like, you know, you do stand up. The thing that people love about this podcast and your show is like, you get to make these terrible things that really do hurt and sting into comedy and laughs. and like, I mean, it's so, I feel bad for women that, like, ever go through any of this stuff and, like, don't get to laugh about with their girlfriends over brunch or at a comedy show or whatever it is. So it's just like, we've got to make fun of it to get to cope with it.

And you got to talk about it a lot and not be embarrassed because I think the more you realize this is happening to everybody, the less bad you feel about yourself. Because like, that's Japan thing, yeah, that would have hurt my feelings. But knowing that it's happening to 100 other people, it's like, okay, I'm not some like terrible leper who's ugly and a loser. It's just like, this happens to everybody. Go to brunch and talk to your friends. There's nobody that hasn't gone.

through this. Sweet about it. We're all here for it. We're here to help. It's like, no, knowing that you're not alone, this shit happens to everyone, regardless of, it just, it's, unfortunately, it's so universal at this point.

It's like, it's sad and I hope things, I think things will get worse before they get better, but they will get better. Yeah, they will. Okay. It's like the government. That was, well, we'll say. Let's see what happens.

We'll tell people, this is great. Thank you. We love this episode so much fun. Tell people where they can find you on Instagram in New York where you do stand-up about your show, whatever. If you know the next drag-his-ass. Yeah, well, you can find me on Instagram and Twitter at Marybeth Barone. You can also find at Drag-I-Ass on Instagram, which is where I post about the live shows

and memes and fun content and stuff. Upcoming shows you can find on my website, Marybeth-Berone.com or in my link in bio. Come see me at a show, and thanks for listening. Yeah, of course. Thanks for being. Thanks for having me. This is so fun. Yeah.

Do you know when December drag-his-ass is? So I do it quarterly. I'm thinking the November show will be the last one for the year. Okay. But look out for in LA and New York, Q1, 2020. Oh, wow. Amazing. Amazing.

Maybe we'll be there the same time. You never know. Okay. Guys, for us, for us, girls got to get a podcast.com. Stupid live shows. com for all of our shows. New March coming soon. We promise, allegedly.

Girls Gotta Eat podcast on Instagram. Raina. dot Greenberg on Instagram. Ash Hess on Instagram and Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter. We'll see you next week. That's it, guys. Have a good week. Bye.

Bye. Thank you.