Girls Gotta Eat - Our Voices in the Bedroom, Boardroom, and Beyond feat. Lake Bell

Episode Date: March 13, 2023

This week's episode is about something near and dear to our hearts, careers, and dating lives: Voices. We are joined by actress/screenwriter/voiceover icon Lake Bell to speak on all things voices – why our voice sounds different in our head vs. listening back, regional accents and stigmas, what our voices say about us, why we're attracted to certain voices, and changing your voice to be more appealing/get something you want/be taken more seriously. And we're discussing the Sexy Baby voice – what it is, how it became a thing, who's known for it, and our feelings on it. Before Lake joins us, we're recapping our latest travels, sharing the most fun thing we've ever done at a wedding, and popping off about drag show bans. Enjoy! Follow Lake on Instagram @lakebell and check out her audiobook Inside Voice: My Obsession with How We Sound. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Daily Harvest: Get up to $40 off your first box at dailyharvest.com/gge. Osea: Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code GGE at oseamalibu.com. Helix: Get 20% off all mattress orders + 2 free pillows at helixsleep.com/gge with code HELIXPARTNER. Calm: Get 40% off a premium subscription at calm.com/gge for a limited time. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Everything that you're attracted to right now will change. I'm just telling you. I've got to eat. Welcome back. I am fighting for my life. We're back physically, not mentally. No, we're going to be fine. I don't want to open it and like get ready.

This is going to suck way. No, I think I'm extra funny actually when I'm like... Did you're delirious? Yes. Do you remember when you were a kid? You probably don't because you didn't roll like this. Because I have a bad memory? No, no.

Do you're your kid? No, I don't remember last week. I would always stay up so late at the sleepovers. Like, I wanted to watch the sun come up. Like, I wanted to always be up, like, when I had sleepovers. Everybody would come over and have sleeping bags. Like, I was like, I want to stay up the latest. And that moment would have hit when you were so tired and everything was so funny.

Yes. And then you just start fucking around with all the people that were sleeping. And I remember that feeling of delirium in like middle school of like kind of getting off on it when you're like, everything's so funny at like four in the morning. It is when you're like so, so you know what I think of the hardest times you and I ever laughed was the time that we did the show in Salt Lake City. It went straight to the airport and flew through the night and we landed in Newark at like 5 a.m. And I was like laughing so hard at stuff. I still remember the car ride. I don't remember anything.

It was the hardest we laughed. There was one time we did that crazy trip where we went to Palm Springs and had to go to Charlotte. Spotify flew us out west and then we had to be in Charlotte next day. and we took a red eye through Phoenix. And I remember laying, you were laying in the booth at like a Chili's, at like an airport Chili's. We couldn't contain ourselves. And it's the same as like that hungover morning energy.

The giggles. I love the giggles. Yeah. So that's a giggly squad. Dope. Okay. So we are just back from, for me, an 11 day trip, for you a 12 day trip, you decided to tack on an extra day to make yourself extra miserable.

And I, Trina, I took seven flights in 12 days. seven flights in 12 days. You took six. Again, I just want to have extra fun on the side. We've been at like five hotels. We had layovers. We did three live shows. We went to a wedding.

There was a layover for the hotel. I just, I don't know how I'm surviving. And everything that I think is going to be easy. You know, I was thinking about this morning. So like, we flew from Miami to Tampa. It's a 35-minute flight. I was like, we're killing it. We're going to have the easiest day.

We woke up 7.30. Go to the airport at 8.30. Get on the flight at 10.30. Land in Tampa at 11-30. stood in line at Avis for an hour and a half. Got the car. We got up in 7.30. We'd not get to the hotel until 1.30.

Gross. I always think that we're going to have this smooth, easy day. We don't have to sit in the lobby and do the outline for the show together. No. There was a roadblock every turn. Every turn. Yes. We'll talk about it.

And this isn't like complaining. It's a dream. We get through it because we're excited and we have adrenaline and we get to see all of our friends. I mean, I saw so many friends in Florida. I feel like I was on the Florida friend tour. I had college sorority sister, with girlfriends in Tampa. We had guy friends.

Our friend for me. More than a friend for me. More than a friend for me in Orlando. And then Miami, I was like, do I have four friends in the average person? I was like, this green room is full of people, friends, family. The girls I went to high school with a girl I grew up on my street. Like that's what keeps me going. We stayed with our friend Laura for a couple of nights in Miami.

Like it just, that's the thing is like feeding off the energy of the shows and all of you guys and having so much fun, obviously. but that's how we're able to get through it because shit kept happening. We'll talk about it. That's why people will like hop on their Instagram story and be like, I can't fucking believe this. But for me, like, I'm just so I'm grateful. Like, I know that if we get through this car situation, this airport situation on the other end of it is like the best live show in the world. Right.

So thank you guys for coming out. I want to talk a little bit about the shows and the theme of the shows in Florida. But I wanted to start with the wedding really quickly. That's how the trip started. So we went to Jamaica for our friends, Bobby and Izzy's. wedding. I officiated the wedding. It was beautiful. It was really special. Her mic kept cutting out. I actually wrote the funniest speech. It was heartwarming, but it opened up with this very funny joke. And every time she got near a punchline, the sound just completely cut out.

Two times the mic cut out. We had to switch the mic. It cut out at the punchline. I was like, this couldn't have cut out during their vows. I looked at Robin Allison. I was like, no. I was like, this couldn't have cut out during the sweet stuff. There's no punchlines in the vans. It cut out at the punchline. Listen, it was very fun. You want to tell the joke? It was funny. Well, I do want to give credit where credit is due also, and you guys are welcome to use this.

But Rob helped me with this. My best guy friend, so funny. He really is one of the funniest people. I mean, all my friends are funny. But we workshoped this together, but he said that, again, like we said last week, Bobby and Izzy were already married. They posted about it. They went to the courthouse and they got married.

So this was just, you know, for show. And I was going to open it with, like, them already being married. and then he said you should tell people that they're here for a timeshare presentation. So I opened it was saying, like, as you guys already know, we're here for this beautiful love and celebration of Bobby and Izzy. But as you also know, they are already married. So I'd like to share the real reason why you're here today to have the once in a lifetime opportunity to achieve financial freedom and create years of memories with your family. That's when the mic cut out the first time. I was like, no!

And then we got to just say you can. can sign today for a special deal on your, you know, Marriott TimeShare. It was good. It was funny. Really funny. But the mic, yeah, with some technical difficulties, but we got through it. And the wedding was 10 out of 10. No notes. Table 8. We want to talk about it. I want to talk about it because I want to pass along an idea for you guys. People, I think, worry about going to weddings by themselves. And of course, Ashley's my date. And Robin Allison were our other dates. You were invited separately. I was invited separately. I mean, like, you were my person at the wedding where I, like, got up in the morning.

And I was like, what are we doing for breakfast? Where are we taking a walk? Whatever. So we... Never had breakfast together once. Where are we meeting at 11? I'm rewriting history. Why are you romanticizing our relationship?

We never had breakfast together. I didn't think you were like my person on the trip. Kind of. You're doing your own thing. You always do your own thing. I don't know that I saw you that much. Yeah, we traveled together. The hummus.

Everybody knows. You were like my date at the wedding. Stop saying that. I wasn't. I'm kidding. So we were sat at like partially like the single people table also with Robin Allison. And like everybody didn't really know each other. And so one of the people at the table suggested this game of light dares.

Can I just to say the table composition? Yeah. Me and Raina. Two single guys. Two cute, nice, fun, single guys. Robin Allison. And then two just best friends. two gay men, both very high power, incredible jobs,

just very impressive people in general, and they're so fun and funny. I thought they were a couple until they were, like, disgusting. We would never. They had come to New Year's, so we'd met them briefly. But when I saw that table of those eight people, I was like, tonight's about to be lit. This table was a mistake.

First of all, Bobby and Izzy, this was a huge mistake. You were to have broken these people out. I was like rubbing my hands together. Like, it's about to be. This is about to be the best dinner of my life. It was. I ate like a whole 12 months fillet and I laughed until I thought I was going to throw up. I had so many tears pouring in my face.

So Richard, one of the guys at the table, suggested that we play like truth or dare, but only with theirs and that everybody has to go around. Light dare. So I got to do the first dare and then I suggested that the two single straight guys switch outfits. So they had to switch shirts in the middle and they just like got up and did it. Everybody just got up and did it. I know.

So amazing dare. Thank you. And I was sitting there like, how am I going to come up with Adair this amazing? And there was no one in the dance floor yet. So one guy had to like sashay across the dance floor. Then Rob's slow dance with Bobby. And I was like, what am I going to come up with? And I'm like, Ashley, you can't.

Don't fuck. Don't fumble the bag on this. And so I'm like, what am I going to come up with? And I look over to the bar and I see the wine bottles. I'm like, okay, I'm going to make someone from the table, get up and go serve wine to another table. So this guy, Richard, I was like, you have to go serve wine to like Izzy's family's table. And he like, you're the matron. Put on a jacket.

like he was one of the waiters and he put the napkin around the bottle and he like had his hand behind his back. It's the hardest I've laughed. He went over and just had to start serving wine like he was working the wedding. It was iconic. Every dare was so great. We moved the centerpiece. We couldn't see each other over it. It was the biggest centerpiece I've ever seen because it was the heaviest. It was a giant bucket full of water. It was gorgeous. Everything was so gorgeous. Everything was perfect. The music, the DJ. The food was unbelievable. Chachi. He's the DJ for Rumbleboxing. He was incredible. Like everything was on point. The food at the resort, the resort, half moon. Everything was incredible. Centerpiece is way to take it off the table. And I'd be pissed if I was the bride and

group. Definitely. We had to see each other. We couldn't be that far. We couldn't have obstructed views from table eight. And the craziest part about this is that Kate had went to a wedding the weekend before, two weekends before. And she actually went solo. And she with a bunch of single people to like fun table was table eight. And so she comes back from this wedding. She's like, Table eight just dominated the whole weekend. Table eight was snowmobiling together. Table eight was doing all this fun stuff.

And so I get to the wedding. I'm like, how the fuck are we table eight? This is a thing. Table eight's across the world unite. So if you are at table eight, it is a privilege. It's a privilege and an honor. And if you want to break the ice with people, I just think this was like the most fun way I've ever broken the ice of people.

Just everyone's like lit. They're dancing. There's good food. And it's like, let's do a round of light dares. Take the idea. If you guys do it, please tell us what happens and what dares you give people. And use ours. Yeah.

They're really fun. Yeah. Okay. Florida, the threesome tour. What is going on in Florida? Every single show. We did a threesome segment at every show. You know, we asked for emails and crazy stuff.

And that was the common theme, every show. Not one, not two, all three, Orlando, Tampa, Miami, threesomes. People are having threesomes in Florida, which I, I said that I love because I'm sure the governor hates it. So I get to it. We'll get to it. But I just, I love it. I love that people are so into it.

I mean, I think we should do a whole threesome episode. So anyway, big threesome energy all around. The shows were so great. If you came, thank you. It's just, I feel like our audience is just always so open, so ready to like make fun of each other, us, just be open about their lives. Yeah. That is crazy stories.

And if you came, thank you so much. It really was just an honor and a privilege. It was great. And every show, I just love so much. We great openers, which you plan, which you can talk about. But all three of those shows were really just so special. Yeah. So, yeah, we'll just talk about this.

I mean, we had this act that was going to open in Orlando, and they were drag queens. And my vision was to have drag queens do a Disney princess number. Obviously, Orlando, Disney World, Queens, princess. So I just had this vision of like, could we get, you know, a group of drag queens dressed up as Disney princesses, incorporate, you know, some music from Little Mermaid and different things and have this like really dope drag performance. And so found a drag queen on Instagram, reached out, and he put together a group. And they got the costumes and the music. And even we were listening to the music that morning before we drove to Orlando.

I was like, this performance is going to be so incredible. Oh, my gosh. And so prior to that, he had told me, he said, the venue that you're performing at, the Plaza Live, just recently had an issue. you with the drag performance. So I think they did like RuPaul's holiday spectacular. It's like a touring show. I'm pretty sure that's what it was over the holidays. And I guess some kids were in attendance. I don't know. Bottom line is the governor, you know, who's anti-drag and anti-gay. I mean, this like homophobic governor, obviously we know we're aware. Ron DeSantis, I mean, just scary guy.

I mean, that's an understatement. People started like protesting this performance at the Plaza Live. They're great. They do all kinds of awesome shows and stuff. And so they were basically under an investigation with the governor and the governor's administration. People complained about what other people did with their children, but sure. About drag. It's not porn. Right. It's drag.

I mean, people are fully clothed. Way more clothing than Ashley and I wear it at shows. I mean, I feel like I don't even want to defend it because it's so ridiculous that drag is under attack. Right. So I thought what I did was due diligence enough to be like, we're going to be fine. Also, our show is adult. It's 18 plus. I was like, we're fine.

We're a go. You know, when I told them like, we're good to go. show is an adult show. And then the day of the show, it comes down to it that, like, the venue is concerned. And not because they don't support that. They had a show there, but because they're under this investigation. You know, they're under scrutiny and they don't want to add fuel to the fire because the governor is threatening them to basically strip their liquor license. I hope I'm speaking all the facts about this. I don't want to say anything wrong, but this is the general thing is like, of course, the governor of the governor administration is, like,

threatening to shut this place down or at least strip them over the liquor license because they had a drag show that kids could have seen or something. along those lines, but we went back and forth all day. I mean, this is hours before the show, went back and forth all day with their legal team involved, and our agents are on it, and everybody is like all hands on deck. We're just sick over this.

We're like, how was this real life? Like, we know it is, so I don't want to act like so incredulous because, like, we know what goes on in America, and especially in some of these states, like Florida, Tennessee, whatever it may be where these laws are happening and this attack on drag queens and trans people

and gay people and all these type of things, but we still couldn't, like, grab our heads around. I was like, I cannot believe this. I can't believe I have to call these people and let them know that they may not be performing tonight. Like, this is wild to me. I was like crying. I was screaming.

I was so angry as I'm sure you guys are even listening to this. And it turned out that we couldn't have them. Yeah, we did everything we could. Of course, we got legal involved and the venue was great. It's not the venue's fault. They were willing. They were willing to even be like, we'll see. But we didn't want to like put anybody's safety or their business at risk.

And unfortunately, we had to tell them that they couldn't perform. And of course, we overcompensated them. paid them for that. And you guys know, we always do the right thing. But, you know, we hate that we had to contribute to making somebody feel that they probably felt their whole life, which is incredibly marginalized and othered. And it was really, really devastating. And we hate it. We hated it. And luckily enough, of course, yes, they were compensated completely. They were able to do a show later that night at this gay bar called Southern Nights. And they were able to do the performance and do the costumes and use the music and all this stuff that they had choreographed for our show. And

we told everybody at our Orlando show to go to the show after our show. And people went. We were just so exhausted. We had some friends to catch up with. I'm very sad that we missed it. I wish we could have gone. But we weren't able to go. But people went. They sent videos. I chatted with the main contact of the drag group. And it was wonderful. And I was like, I feel like you guys should actually like do something with this and make this the thing, like this drag princesses. But to even see it, it was hard to handle because how good it was. And they created this for our show and I collabed with them to come up with this and that our audience didn't get to see it in full and because of the reason. And it's just, it's maddening.

And it's like really wrong and really scary and that this person is running for president. Probably, you know, all of it is really sick. I mean, I had some people in my DMs that live in Florida and like school teachers of like what they're trying to do with books. I mean, we all know about the don't say gay stuff. And obviously we tell you guys to vote over and over and who you're electing in office. But so many people support this man and his. values and not just in Florida, but all over the country. And it's sickening. And I still, you know, support nonprofits and support the causes that you care about and support drag and

speak out about this and share this story, you know, keep the plaza alive if in Orlando needs your help and help them out too because they're trying to do the right thing. So I don't know what else. I'm like not at my, I'm also very tired. Yeah, we are. But we wanted to share the story because it's important to share that information. And if you think the stuff is not going on in the country. It is. Right. If you think that elected officials cannot continue to make these things go on in the country because you're like, it's a drag show. I told another friend of mine that's happening. She was like, there's nothing illegal about drag. And I was like, I know, but they're finding ways to make it illegal. Also, it doesn't matter, but we're not a drag show.

We were just having drag queens at our 18 plus show. This is not illegal. Like, it's all, it's corrupt as fuck. It's just to marginalize and other people that you don't believe in their values and who they're having sex with and things like that. And it's disgusting. And there's no place for it in this world. And unfortunately, we were faced with it. And we hate that our audience got robbed with this and that these performers got robbed and being able to perform and all of it. So we'll continue to tell you guys these stories and hopefully guide you to what you can do. Yes, I know. I just, I loved the reaction of the audience when we explained this to them. They were obviously so angry, but they were so excited to go out that night and support.

And really, it was heartwarming to see too. And what we ended up doing, which I just wanted to give a shout-out to was like an hour before the show started. We had this idea to have some of our former guests and guys that our audience is really excited about put together a little welcome video montage that we played. And it shaked out to be Chris DeSephano, Mateo Lane, Mattelaine and Nicole Byer. He was with her. She's the former guest as well. Matt Heseltine and Jay, baby Jay, my nephew, Jared and Andrew Collin. And Frances. And Francis. We texted all these people and said, can you send this back? And all of them within 15 minutes send it back. And it is just nice to have built the type of relationships with our guests and the friendships that they want to do

that for us, that they wanted it for you guys, that they just send it back right away. And they really support this audience and just wanted you guys to have a good show. And we're infuriated at what it happened. Like we were like, just so, you know, this crazy thing just happened. We can't have our drag performers. And they're like, what the fuck? They were like, say last two seconds. Yes, yes. I just, it was really emotional. Tessa saw me cry a lot. That did. Tessus saw us at our lowest. Yesterday didn't even talk to her. We landed at the airport.

I was like kneeling on the ground. I was like, I can't talk to you right now. Tessa saw a lot. Yeah. She's like, they are an emotional roller coaster. Okay. So we have been through some shit. Yesterday I did a what-a-fuck, Mary Kill with you of all the things that I personally have been dealing with.

I lost my jewelry in Tampa. This devastating thing that happened. I had this pouch with some jewelry in it, some really nice. jewelry and I don't know. I think I put it in my bag. I think it fell at the bottom. The slot that goes in your suitcase. I was rushed. I was hurried and I think it fell out in the Tampa Marriott. And they have not been that great about getting it back to me. The security people have not been that great. No one's been that helpful. They were like, go online, fell up this thing. So we're not staying there anymore. I just, I don't like the way they treated it. I was like,

this is really important. And it's in the hotel, I think. And you guys are not really helping me out. You are not even being sympathetic to it. And then as this is happening, we had this rental car that we took an hour to wait for it in the Avis, so we could drive it from Tampa to Orlando. Yes, and I went to go get it and, like, they were like, it'll be 15 minutes, 20 minutes goes by, 25 minutes goes by. I'm like, this place is disaster. I go to the front and like, where's the car? They're like, at the Tampa Maria. At the Tampa Maria. Well, they were nice about the car. They could do a nice job with the car. They were like, you got a flat. I was like, you weren't going to tell me or anything. They're like, we're going to change it. We're going to switch it out.

So they were really nice about doing that, but then they needed to call AAA to like bring it and get this bear on. You can't drive long distances on this bear. So we had to be on the phone with Avis for hours. We're in the lobby in this hotel for hours. In between, by the way, doing a live show the night, needed to do a live show that night, need to do a live show that night, need to do a live show the next day. Like, we need to be in like four cities in three and a half days. Yeah. So it was a lot. So the car didn't work. So then after sitting there for two, we had to call an Uber, go to go to Orlando. We get to Orlando. Actually, I was like, all I need in every city is like an hour or two to just sit in silence, stare at the wall. That's all I want to do. We just left the car. We just left the car.

Oh yeah. We just left the car. We're like, Avis, go get your car. You gave us this fucked up tire. Even the people in the valley where like this tire came. It was crazy. We drove the car for 25 minutes. Yeah. And so we just left it and took an Uber to Orlando. Yeah. And I was like, thank God we're at the hotel. I'm just going to chill out. We're going to order some food. Ashley ordered a salad and she was sitting in bed watching Summer House. I was watching Vanderpump Rules. I had ordered Panera. I was like, thank God I get to relax for an hour. Boom, Orlando drag show issue. Yeah. Oh, yes. It was a lot. We dealt with that. And then I went to, after we changed my whole trip situation to go see this house that I like in Delaware. I put an offer on it. They didn't accept my offer. I can come up

on my offer, but I needed to like see the house in person. So I flew up there 7 a.m. Monday morning after our Miami show and I was going to fly to Philly in the morning, drive to Delaware, see the house, fly back out of Philly that night to L.A.X. It was a long day. I did do it. The house is still limbo. I'm trying to figure out my next move for anyone who cares. I really did love it. I'm trying to figure out if I want to spend what it would take to get it. So I go to get my suitcase in Philly in the morning. It's like, you know, 9 a.m. at this point, I left Miami at 7 and my bag doesn't come off the carousel. And I'm like, God, you got to be fucking kidding me. This was a direct flight. How the fuck? You know, and the woman doesn't really know what's going on. She's like, it could have fallen

off a cart. We don't know. I'm like, what? And so I'm like, well, luckily enough, I'm coming back here tonight, you know, luckily enough. I'll be back here tonight. So if you find it, let me know. And as it turns out, some man just took it, thought it was his. I'm sorry. A woman would never. A woman The first thing Raina said, a woman would never. Your name's on it. It's on that little tag. Why don't you just check? Just check.

It's a gray suitcase. A lot of them look the same. There's a big sign that says a lot of luggage looks alike. Check yours before you leave. Just took it with them. Everywhere. All over the airport. Idiot.

Men. Only men. A woman would literally never. Never heard of a woman doing it. I'd have boyfriends do it to me. A woman would never. A woman never. So some man took it.

He did bring it back. She calls me midday. As I'm trying to see this house and she's like, your suitcase is here. Some man. I'm like, of course he did. And so I go back that night. I get it. Whatever. During all this, basically, Kate was going to go into my Airbnb, bring the Helix mattresses in. I forgot this happened to you too. How are you okay? Kate's going to go into the Airbnb, bring the helix

mattresses in and she can't get in the door. So the door wasn't working. It's a coded door. So the people from the Airbnb management team had to come out and get in the door so I didn't come home to a door that I couldn't get in. And they were like, we got in the house, we fixed the lock. but hi Ashley Daniel went to the property today to take care of the lock it is now fixed unfortunately he found out that a ceiling fell off the casualness

which with this information was disseminated is so crazy I love the to like unfortunately the ceiling fell off unfortunately the ceiling fell off and she sends me insane photos of the ceiling crumbling into the hoe I feel like I got a little emotional

looking at these photos because like I thought about like if you and I were recording and Azul was there and it like came down on him or if he'd been eating that stuff. Like, it's really, I got a little emotional about it. I mean, again, I've had a leak with this rain, this crazy rain,

and I don't know if this happened gradually. I wasn't there, but the ceiling fell off. And I can't have recovered. The pictures, I'm going to show the pictures. I'm going to show the pictures to you guys if you're watching on YouTube. Wild. And this has been an ongoing thing since it started raining the first week. There was leaks and they had to cover up the skylight.

It's been ongoing. And now this is like the worst. And I am moving out of it in four days. And I just could not be more excited. I think this is like the money. I actually know. I don't know how you like are dealing with all this. I am like catatonic.

I got home yesterday and I was like in the fetal position shaking with chills, sweating. You know when you're like shaking and sweating at the same time? I slept all day and then I went to sleep at 8.30 at night. Like it really fucking leveled me. I didn't lose my suitcase and have my entire ceiling come down and my jewelry. And the jewelry. I was like, fuck Mary Kill. Lost jewelry and lost luggage.

Flat tire. Or ceiling. And I was like, this is so funny and I have no energy to laugh at this. You said it to me and I was like, I can't do this right now. I can't. Nothing is funny. I'm dying. Well, I mean, I just, I think it like lends itself to like the importance to me of having

friends and romantic partners that I feel like I can lean on in times like this that can just divide and conquer. Because like when that stuff with Ava's happened, like I just took care of it and you worked on the outline for that night. You know what I? It's really important to me to have people around me that I feel like are grounded and capable. And like I don't feel like everything is on my shoulders all the time.

time, you know? And so it's nice for me to have somebody with me like that. And you can laugh about it. That's the only fell off. That's hysterical. We really laughed a lot on this trip. All right, guys, we are so excited for our guest today and this topic. She is an actress, a screenwriter, a director, her debut audiobook, Inside Voice. My Obsession with Howie Sound is out right now. Please welcome to the show, Lake Bell. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. How many voices are you going to do today? I mean, listen, One doesn't know. I mean, like, there was one.

I did that for you guys. Well, we were talking about sick sound. Like, I'm like worn out right now. Yeah. So I have, I'm bringing to this interview texture and crack and breakage, you know, because I'm, I'm exhausted. You know, I've been single momming and I'm, you know, my ex-husband's out of town. And so all of the texture and like roughness in my voice is saying what my current condition. is and what my home status is, you know? Yeah. That's why I love the voice so much. I think it sort of,

it's imbued with so many different kind of secrets and histories and traumas. I mean, it really is a roadmap of everything we've been through and that's what the book is about. Well, we love it and obviously we talk for a living. So voices are important to us too. That would lead me to something controversial, which would be, can I turn the tables and ask you guys some questions? Yes. Yeah, Yeah, because we want to kick this off with like, how does your voice form? Yeah, so let's do vocal diagnostics, which is like, for instance, Raina, where are you from originally? I grew up in Pittsburgh, so I'm a Midwest person. And were you born and raised there and educated there, or did you spend meaningful time elsewhere?

Born and raised in the Midwest, went to college in Indiana, so didn't fear too, too far from where I grew up. And you said to me, sorry, I'm sick today, or I'm, I sound sick. today. Is that what you said to me? Yes, Ashley and I have just come back from a really fun tour, and so it's just been a lot of work, a lot of late nights, and so we're just a little tired and run down. At least I am, so. I'm a little sick. Well, but that's, that

sick sound, that kind of, uh, is really just tied to this idea of like fry. It's like an affectation, but also really just like a characteristic of a tired voice, which has been adopted into kind of

a cultural sort of vocal vernacular, you know? Yeah. And so, you know, a lot of people find it sexy. You know, it's like sexy sickness, you know? I hope I sound sexy today. You do sound sexy today. And what about you, Ashley? I am from Delaware and then I spent time in the South. I went to college in the South. Wait, where in the South? I went to school in South Carolina at Clemson and then lived in Atlanta after that for 10 years and just tried so hard to not ever have any tinge of a Southern accent. But But Delaware is like there is not where I necessarily grew up, but a lot of people where I grew up have this Delco Philly accent,

which is a very specific sound. What does that sound like? I can't do it. I wish I could, you really feel like you can't do it? I mean, like I'll jokingly be like, go birds. Like, you know, it's got. Go what? Wait, slow down.

Like eagles, like go birds. There's this. Go birds. Like, it's not weird. Like, Pittsburgh is like that too. It's similar to Philly where it's a very specific. dialect. But it's like a little masculine, a little drowned out. You don't hear it like everywhere. Like Pittsburgh is like he has want to go downtown. Yeah. So that you said really direct act.

You know, you've got pretty wide ass, which is very tri-state kind of, you know what I mean? And that's, that is very sort of harkening back and sort of a vestige of where you're from. Because that kind of, that thing, which is really just, we're just looking at it from a clinical point of view. It's like that's saying where you're from in a lot of ways. And for you was really interesting, Ashley, that you said, oh, I didn't want to take on any of the Southern accent. I would be curious about why you felt that way. Because I don't want to be a Southern person.

I've cried myself on being a northern person. That's so, like, fraught, right? Like, that's such an extraordinary sort of point of view. Because, you know, I think a lot of people in in the book, you know, there's this one journalist, Becca Andrews, who was really, she's deep from the deep south, rural Tennessee, and felt so conflicted about wanting to achieve her dreams and feeling like the thing that's in between her and her dreams is the way she sounds. Because she was born in rural, rural farmland.

And that rural dialect and accent and affectation was not what the Gilmore girl sounded like. And they were success, right? And so we do this often in America, because we're only talking about the English language, but this really does transcend all languages. Spanish, we talk about it. Actually, in the book, I get to talk to a Spanish professor about this very thing, a linguist in Spanish. But in America, there's profiling that's going on, right?

There's a complexity of like, oh, I don't connect with that person based off of how they pronounce their bowels, you know? or, you know, and that's big. And so that's why I find it so exciting and interesting because thinking about what you guys talk about dating and connection and love relationships and sexual connections, you're making assessments and you're thinking about how someone sounds. Does that sound like a someone that I want to kiss, you know, or that I want to get to know more, you know? And you might say if you hear somebody who's from a deep, rural, southern, harkening back to Clemson, it doesn't work for you, and you might say no, even if they're your soulmate and you didn't even realize it. Oh, for sure. I mean, we can't talk about this enough. And I feel like you're the most voice-obsessed

person that there is. But I really resonate with it in that it means so much. And we've talked about it so much on this podcast. And that's why I wanted to start an neurotic audio component of our app. And I choose all the voices. And we talk for a living. And it's just so important. I don't know everyone's scale of how much it matters. And I feel like sometimes I'll say something to Raina about someone's voice. And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about her. I don't hear that. I hear it in our podcast because I think about like what makes somebody sound authoritative,

what makes you trust and things they have to say, what makes them sound smart. Sometimes I listen to your tone versus my tone. You're more measured. You take your time a little bit more. And I think that it lends itself to sounding like intelligent about a topic. I don't think I sound unintelligent. But I think you are good at like sort of taking your time a little bit more. I mean, I work on it. I naturally talk really fast and I'm trying to work on how much I say like and I'm constantly, I think about it all the time because I have to listen to myself and Raina talk hours every week.

So that is language and speech. So when we think about how you're speaking, how you're sort of perceiving, well, the way that you speak and the kind of not saying like or being able to pause and take a measured thought, that's in speech and language, right? but the actual kind of cadence that you know when we think about like speaking voice that's the cadence the rhythm the musicality you do have a fast speaking voice which I do as well and I'm working really hard and really arriving with you guys today and that's what's making me pause a bit more so it's having me take my time but naturally I mean like I'm a mile a minute I'm from Manhattan and that is natural to Manhattanites too you know so with you it's like my next question for you, as we are all friends here, do you like your voice? Do you like your speaking voice? So one of the first things I wrote down is why do we all hate our voices. And I never thought

about it at all. And then we started this podcast. Now I speak for a living. It's not my favorite sound in the world, but I've gotten much more comfortable with it over the years. I mean, Ashley, I mean, I always say that she probably knows me so much better than I do because she edits our podcast. So she's listened to me speak so much more than I've ever listened to me speak. Do I like my voice? Not all the time. But it is mine. And it's what makes sense. me unique and so I'm comfortable with it and that it exists. And I also lived in New York for 15 years. I do trip over my words and speak really fast and it is what it is. It's what I got. You know? I think most of the time I love my voice. I chose to go into this field where everyone

hears it all the time. But then sometimes when I get too loud and telling jokes and stuff, I'm like, I don't like it. I don't know. I go back and forth, but that's my authentic self. So I don't like when I feel like people are putting it on when I feel like they're doing a voice. I think that goes back to people in quarantine saying they hate their partners, like, Zoom, work meeting voice. Because you started to hear people's like, fake voice. I heard you do fake voice the other day. And I was like, oh my God, I have heard, I don't think I've ever heard her do this. Who did you call it? It was a customer support rep. And you all of a sudden were like saccharine sweet. And you were like, hi. I was like, who is this person? It's weird. Like when you really care

about somebody and they do their fake voice, you like loathe it. Me personally. Yeah. Yeah. Because I just am so big on authenticity and people being who they are. I don't have any friends who do sexy baby. We can't even think of somebody. We'll get to it. But it's just, I love when I know someone is in their authentic voice and not like putting something on. Well, to answer your initial question, which is why do we not kind of like a lot of people sort of loathe or have self-loathing for their own sound? And sometimes it's even just like they don't recognize it. Is that me? Is that what I sound like? And what's up with that? Like where is that disconnect? And I would just say this. The first thing, is like science. So your sounds are coming from inside your skull, which is basically all of the sounds

that are coming out of your mouth and up through with your breath and being supported are reverberating off of your skeletal structure of your head, you know, and the muscles and so it sounds more resonant coming out in your head. Better. Yeah, well, resonant, like deeper booming. You know, it sounds a bit more full because it's kind of like going through this cool cavern, you know. And then when you hear it back, it's through, it's without all the like loving kind of reverberation. And so it genuinely sounds different than you've heard it coming out. Well, if you're singing in the car, you're like, should I be a singer? Am I professional?

You're like, am I a Dell? And then if you were to hear that back, you would be horrified. What is that? So I have a question for you. because I really love Ashley's voice. You really do. I love her voice. I mean, I think part of it is because it's the voice of somebody that I really love.

So, like, I don't know which thing comes first. But, like, also, I have an ex. So I don't, I don't particularly like Southern accents on men. I don't like it. I don't, it's not, it's not attractive to me. But one of my exes is. There it is. What?

To me. To me. Oh, yeah. No, that was great. It's fantastic. No, it's fantastic. But that's so great. Because for me, my whole thing is stay regional.

I'm from Manhattan. I'm like, own it. I'm with you. I'm like, stay authentic. So, Temei. Whatever comes out of me is authentic. That's great, though. I love it.

But what I want, okay, to complete the thought. So one of my exes is from Charleston. He is like a deep southern voice and I love it. I think it's so sexy. I think it's like unbelievably sexy. But is it because I like love Ashley and I care about him that I like, does that come, what comes first, the chicken of the egg? Well, I think that a lot of our, when we talk about profiling,

that really comes from systemic born issues, right? So, for instance, if you hear a deep southern accent, that's 100% a cultural stigma for you. You know, that's not, you weren't like, I'm a baby, and then I came out, and now I don't like Southern accents. You know, it's like, oh, it's just part of her DNA. You know, it's like, no, no, it's a learned behavior,

all this profiling, you know. And profiling is totally seeped into the fabric of our feelings and how we like someone. whether we, as we said in the beginning, like whether we want to, you know, start a life with someone or fuck someone, you know. It really is like that. So you met this guy, you know,

you all of a sudden fall in love with someone with a Southern accent because chemically you guys connect, you somehow your chemicals and your biochemistry and your heartstrings went past your profile. So went past the profiling that you had, which is, I don't like guys with Southern accents, right? And so it like, yo, you're,

like pheromones were like, no, we're going to make out. And then all of a sudden you're like, okay, I guess it really was just more of a preference based off of a cultural perception. Okay. Well, and accents, yes, I'm kind of with Raina. And I totally get what you're saying about profiling. But there's still like, you know, tone, cadence, register, pitch, all those things that the depth of a man's voice is probably the primary thing.

You know, like I'd choose a deeper, sexier to me voice that's got a like. little southern accent in like a high-pitched non-accent voice. Those are a lot of different vocal distinctions there because you said a deeper voice, a deeper man's voice. Okay, there's two distinctions. So gender, you're queuing kind of a gender sound. You're queuing a register, right? So deeper.

And then additionally, you said southern. So you have like a lot of different, you know, that's an accent dialect. And so that cocktail of sound is like, ooh, that's the one for Ashley. You know, that's what, that's what based off of your experience, that's a voice that appeals to you. But frankly, you could fall in love with, like, a man with a strong Pakistani sound, and you didn't even see it coming. Well, you also change in our time. Like, I think of a specific type of accent that I didn't used to like that was a turn off to me. And then it just, I was around it a lot more.

And now it doesn't phase me at all. I'm into it. I'm into it. I could be turned on by it. Yeah, I think as we grow as humans, like, I happen to love all accents and dialects. Like when I meet someone with like a beautiful Pakistani sound, I'm like, I want to talk to you for 20 hours. Yeah. Like I need to know everything about you.

You know, for me, it's such, you know, accents and dialects are such a kind of authentic sort of calling card for I have experienced something different than you. For instance, my sound is like kind of blah, to be honest. I ironed out all of my fun because I'm from Manhattan. I'm from New York. I don't sound like that. And so really in my education in making this book, I was like, God damn. Like the key is to stay regional, to stay authentic, to hold on to those beautiful quirks. And that uniqueness is what makes us us, you know.

Did you go to classes and to train your voice? Yeah. So I went to draw. I mean, this all started. I wanted to be an actor since I was. little girl. And I really started to understand narrative and story and characterization through voice. You know, I went to drama school in England. I lived there for four years. And I was like, oh, my God, what an amazing kind of tapestry of sounds there. You know, I was like, oh, Jesus,

I was the only American at my college. Boy, I was jazzed. People were, like, so bummed at me, too, because they were like, aren't you from New York? You know, you should speak like, I want to hear you like, you're from the mob, you know? Yeah. And I was like, I, yeah, I'm from. It's not, my, I don't have that sound, you know, but I used to put it on for them just to kind of, you know, for a little like, you know, for fun sometimes.

I wish, you know, I had a little bit of hard dees and tease. When I came up, like my mom would say, don't, you know, she'd, she'd want me to iron that out. So if I said stupid or stupid and she's like, that's not how it is. I love that. Yeah, but it's like, even just hard. You work Boston, all of it. Yeah.

It's like that would be so interesting if that, but I don't have that anymore. Well, I'm curious, like, so we can change these things. We can iron out our voices and change them. They're very changeable. They're super malible. Yeah, you can totally change your sound. Let's talk about it. I mean, I don't know where to really begin.

I mean, I just want to talk about, like, how much our voices matter. You're not going to date anyone unless they're deep southern masculine sounds. Oh, no, I need to walk that back. I would say, in Southern, yeah. I would choose deep Southern over high, high, high, anything. I get it. But the truth is, it is really a big deal, obviously. I'm coming it from a obsessed person's point of view. That said, think about how we vote, how we elect candidates to be our representatives. And like if, oh, hey, some information just happened

with my voice. So, you know, when we think about the female voice, you know, and we think about the omniscient voice, often they're not sort of connect. because the omniscient voice, which is, of course, authoritative, that is usually a male voice. So even from my first film in a world, you know, that's all about kind of how a man's voice is the one that gets to say, in a world, because it's, the idea is a man can be the one to tell you how to feel, how to, how to be what the right thing is, right? And often a white male, you know, so then all of a sudden you've got all these characteristics where you're like, fuck you.

Like, why is that the thing? Why is that the gold standard? Why is that the normal? It doesn't make any fucking sense. But then it comes down to like, what is God? And the voice of God is a white male, right? But then I'm thinking of like Stam-Lajon-Oxon. Morgan-Perman.

Totally. And as we move forward. Not same old. Morgan Freeman. Yeah, Morgan Freeman, which we talk about in the book as well, because the voice of God is like really interesting to me. But yeah, and then it starts to evolve. But the idea of like a woman's voice being authoritative or omniscient, I mean, the voice of God is very rarely a woman's, right?

So in a way, why does it matter? It matters because, look, I mean, I think, you know, when you're sort of walking through the world and you're existing and you hear these voices that are stamped as authority, they're often male voices. So for a woman, you know, and generally for man, they're going, you're all, well, men are sounding authority and women are no, no, no, nag, nag, you know. And so that's why it's like even just looking and advertising, like there's, you know, if you're going to sell a dish soap or obviously this has gotten a little better over the times, but if you're going to sell something practical for the household, you often hear a female voice in the advertisement, you know, like, your kids are getting crazy. And it's time to find a solution. You know? And then there's like, you know, it's like practical mom vibes, you know? And then when it's like a sexy car, it's like with 400 horsepower. You know, it's like some dude gets to do that one, even though I should. But you, I was as I parked the car, you were talking today, you started to talk about how you were the voice of the Apple commercial. And you were the first female voice of that. That was really big. I mean, that was maybe my favorite career moment because Apple had not had. a female omniscient voice for their ads. And they're such a big player, you know, in all of our lives. And it was a big deal. And so I did two campaign cycles for them for the Apple iPhone 6S. You can look for it. It was pretty sexy. But wait. Lastly, like for instance, I was just talking to my friend who is in the military and she was saying that when she was in Iraq, okay, when it was

not safe. There was like a voiceover, a male sort of cue, and that's a male voice saying that we are under attack, okay? Literally, to let everyone know that the attack is done and it's safe is a female voice. That's so interesting. I need to wrap my head around. I can feel it. I'm too tired to process that and what I really feel about it. But that's just over. Women do let you know you're safe. I feel safe with women. Yes. I feel so much safer in this. interview than like the last one for example. I know. But I wanted to ask you because you brought this up in the book about women that actively changed their voices to sound more masculine because they think it adds more authority.

It makes them sound more trustworthy in the information they're disseminating. You specifically call out Margaret Thatcher and Elizabeth Holmes who have completely changed their voices to sound really masculine. Yeah. And let me just pet this dog. Oh, yeah. Really just did a really great stretch. I know it was a good stretch. So women have historically changed their sound.

be deeper and to be more masculine. Let's say deeper being masculine, right? Just deeper in general, because it is more, it's closer in a decibel and in texture to a man's voice. Because as we just discussed, that is considered more an authoritative sound even just from the social constructs that we're all kind of systemically living through and participating in. So Margaret Thatcher, Some people might say, well, gosh, that's just bananas that she went to vocal coaching to lower her voice in order to be taken seriously and then got elected two cycles. So she was elected twice, not once, twice, after she had done that vocal coaching. So the point is, it worked. Yeah, it worked for Elizabeth Holmes.

And Elizabeth Holmes. I mean, look at all the men that are incredible experts in their field that were duped by this teenage college dropout. Well, the thing I, we brought this up on the podcast. I read a think piece about this that the title was like Elizabeth Holmes voice is just dumb man voice. So it's a, it's almost a dumb guy voice. Like I didn't write this. But I resonated with me like the way she talked wasn't even the authoritative masculine voice.

It was this like, I just, I think that if you sort of shake it out. Yeah, it's like I can't really comment to that other than if you shake it out at the diagnostics of that voice. Yeah, I mean, she adjusted it in order to take on a character that allowed her to sound more authoritative. And for her, she tried on the idea of being more masculine and it frankly worked. But that said, moving forward, and what I'm glad to kind of support and think about is the fact that I think we've moved forward a little bit in that. I do sit here with a lower register than maybe I am with my children, you know, but I will say after children, my whole, I have a lower, deeper voice, a deeper resonant voice after that. So I don't know.

I think we're in a constant state of evolution with our sounds. And like even as you sit here today, you know, whether you've had a cold or you're exhausted or you've been on tour or you were up all night with some hot Southern dude or whatever it is. Or if you've experienced traumas, frankly, you know, the really extraordinary things can happen to your voice. Or if, for instance, you went to school in the South, that just was staunchly opposed to obtaining any of those sounds, so you overcompensated and it went the other way.

And that in itself is telling a story. So, you know, really interesting. Yeah. Well, can we move into some dating discussions? Yeah, let's, and of course, sexy baby, we really want to dive into that. Of course. I want to hear you do it.

I love listening to you. We should all do it. We should all give our sexy baby. I mean, I will tell you, Rain and I take credit for Hinge doing voice memos. Wait, what is it? So I started talking about how I was meeting guys on apps and going out with them and being so turned off by their voice. And I was like, I'm not doing this again.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One specific example with this guy that we had a lot of great banter. He was super tall and had a job. You know, he lives in New York. like we went out and when I met him, it shook me to my core. It was the voice of Michael Jackson. It was the softest, most feminine voice. It didn't match.

Also, his whole demeanor was really, he just, like, timid. His whole presence and his voice included was not for me. And it's happened a few more times as well. And I was like, I can't go out with anyone anymore until I hear their voice. And like, what, a few weeks later, Hinge. Hinge released the future. So now on Hinge, on the dating app Hinge, people can record a voice memory. telling a joke or whatever, and you can hear their voice.

That's great. Okay, so look, that's a perfect case study for this idea that a sound can be that sort of jarring or appealing, right? So I am thinking about this poor man. Probably knows exactly who you're talking about. But I think that oftentimes we think of that lighter sound, that more pitched up sound for a man, it becomes very gendered, right? That sound didn't make you want to fuck him because we live in a space of this quite gendered, masculine, feminine,

who's picking up the check, obviously the guy. Wait, hang on. Yeah, right? So we get into this vortex of like revealing ourselves a little bit, which is okay. We're in the business of like growing and revealing ourselves, which is like I'm in a constant state of like as a single person. I'm like, what would I do if someone had that type of voice?

It would not work for me. Maybe it would. I don't know. Basically, your pheromones and his pheromones didn't match. That's really what happened, to be honest. Because you might have been like, uh, his voice. But the truth is, is like, in person, it just didn't work. Totally.

So if your pheromones and his pheromones smelled each other and they were like, you wouldn't have even noticed his sound, honestly. Do you think people have a harder time just moving through society? if their voice does not adhere to the preconceived notions of what we think. 100%. I don't think you got to this part in the book yet, but I talk about transitioning. So one of the last vestiges, really one of the more difficult things to change when you have transitioned gender is your sound, your voice. And oftentimes they go, oh, I might have made an assumption that this person is transgender based off of their sound.

And that for the transgender community, Samantha Allen very generously spoke to me about this. And she's incredible. She's a writer and an educator. And she was able to kind of, and I want her to tell her own story. So you must listen to the book. But it is biologically a very difficult thing to adjust. And so it is something that becomes a part of your story when you open your mouth. And again, roadmap of your life, right?

whether you are trying to or not, right? And so it sort of allows you to broadcast kind of where you've been and where you're going, you know. And so it's hot button, you know, it's a big thing to think about. You're like, oh, I'm choosing someone I want to maybe spend the rest of my life with and you're hearing their sound and you're going to see how you feel based off of what you feel and what you know from a systemic, cultural, and social point of view of how you've been raised and it will affect your choices of what turns you on or not, you know? I think there's also a wide spectrum where you might meet someone and it's not perfect. It's not the voice you dreamed of, but you like them enough that you pushed past it.

And I've done that too. But there is this far end, and I went on a date not too long ago where I met. And I was like, it just shakes you to your core. If you, it's so, well, so feminine. And for whatever reason, whether it's pitch or it's like cadence and you're just like, it shakes me up a little bit. Do you feel like if you meet somebody and you're just like, I'm out on the voice, do you think it can change?

That's what I'm saying. I feel like it's the spectrum. I was like, it depends. You, because I feel like you are a little more sensitive in general to sound. You see color differently than I do. I feel like you hear things like a little more clearly. Like, I just don't know. I'm really affected by sound.

It really affected my sound. I have something, I always call it wolf hearing where it's like I hear too much. And it's heightened. She has heightened smell also to me. Like she smells things more just differently and heightened sound certainly. So I think that 100% you can change. Because if you think about it, it's like, oh, you know, you love hamburgers and then you bite into a hamburger and there's a shard of glass in it.

You think, will I never eat another hamburger again? No, you might be a little cautious. with the next one, but hamburgers are fucking good, and you'll probably go back. So Dick is the hamburger? So Dick is the hamburger in this situation. But if you beat a guy and you're like, the voice, you know, it's like, you're not done. You're not like, okay, it's a deal breaker. I feel like people can transcend and kind of grow beyond that.

And then we always talk about how one person can change your type forever or two, this guy that, even physically and the voice and all this thing, like, One person changed my type of life. I dated a guy that just immediately, I was like, I just don't, kind of his voice mannerisms aren't what I'm typically used to in terms of like I really preferred more masculine. And I fell for him. We dated for a long time. And then that type of voice mannerisms didn't bother me. I was almost attracted to it more.

Everything that you're attracted to right now will change. I'm just telling you. So all of these things, you guys got all these check boxes. and everything, it's fucking going to change. Which I love. It's great. You have so much in store. Because, I mean, not to, like, speak from, like, a 43-year-old, like, big sister vibes,

but, like, it's true. We're not, like, hardwired forever. You're not. You are, you mean, you've said it's really interesting, and this is just, like, really we're being, like, raw and honest here. You've said masculine voice a few times. And the true thing is, I know exactly what you're talking about. I fucking love a.

really deep masculine voice. Holy shit. I want to feel it in my stomach. I get it. My vagina, yeah. But you have no idea. You just don't. You might fall fucking head over heels for someone with like a mid-range, like mediocre, mid-west mid-range. Slightly upper range, you know. You know what it is? That guy's going to cheat on you, motherfucker. With that voice, no, just kidding. That's not fair. That's also not fair. Well, sometimes it's fair. That voice says to me that you, you can take charge and, like, handle shit. Throw you around. No, I mean, like, you can, like, walk up to the fantastic hotel and be like, I don't

like this room, change it, and we get a better room. Like, you can handle travel plans and reservation. Fuck that guy. If you don't want your room, you change it, all right, Rina? I'm sick of always having to do everything all the time. We do everything all the time. You know what? It's better.

It's good training. I'm done. I'm done. I want to do a little less than I'm doing right now. I do everything. I hear you. I cook and I clean. Listen, you're talking to a single mom of two.

Yeah. Okay, the cooking and the cleaning and the fucking bullshit that I got to put up with that irregular. See, now I'm from New York. But it's funny. It's like that that brings us to like, you know, style shifting and code switching, which is like, style shifting is like when we're talking about this shit, it's like, you know, if I'm with my friends from New York, I'm like, ah, shit. You know, my brother has a little bit of like, he's like, all right, you want to take the FDR, you want to get on there and that, there's this. And, you know, he's like any time. to your New York voice when you're in New York? With my brother, I do a little bit. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, my brother.

He goes in and out of that Delco accent sometimes. And I feel like when he's been around, he's been at the Eagles game, he comes home, he's got a little bit more of the Delco go on. I do that with my brother too. All the more reason to be like, oh yeah, this is a community and like familial thing. This is a learned thing. This is a thing that we're saying, like people who, you know, if I come in and I'm ordering, if I'm going into the bodega, right, to get a bagel and toasted correctly and I want all the things done right, I'm not going to be like, excuse me. sir, I would like to have, you know, I'm going to be like, I need a toasted, not too well done. Can I get, no, I want the schmere, you know, and it's like, salt pepper ketchup.

Yeah, salt pepper ketchup, you know, whatever it is. And it's like, I know that style shifting will get me the fucking bagel I want. So it's like, we understand that. It's like, hey, I speak your language. You speak my language. We're going to be, we're comrades right now. All right. So with just voice and accent and dialect, I'm just with vowels and fuck implosives, I'm letting you know that, We're going to communicate better, you know? And then when I'm in England, because I've lived there for so many years, I fully style shift and, like, code switch into a full British accent, just to get to the place I want to get to.

Yeah. So I'll be like, yes, we're going to Gloucester. And then after that, can I get, yeah, I'm not inhale. I believe all the things you're doing. Okay, okay, let's talk about female voices, sexy baby voice, vocal fry. Yeah, I mean, let's get into sexy baby. Okay, so sexy baby is a collection of extraordinary trends and affectations that have been born from, really from, like, media at all. You know, I think it started somewhere, you know, when we say sexy baby, just for listeners so we understand, we're talking about like the up pitch and then the fry and then up talk.

So basically, like, it's not even about whether you're dumb or you're like super smart. You're just, you're just like a sexy baby. Like I'm a 45. I'm like, not 45. I'm 43. Not yet. I don't want to like get ahead of myself. I'm 43.

And like, if I speak this way, it's going to be really hard for me to be taken seriously. Maybe. And now, for me, that was abrasive, you know? And it was abrasive for so long that I was like, why? I need to understand why I am being so mean to these women. Like, why am I not being generous? I'm a fucking feminist. Like, why am I judging these women for this sound?

And then when I started digging it, I was like, okay, I'm bummed out. Yes. That it is so youth. It sounds like a little baby and yet also sexual at the, same time. And those two things should not be in the same category. So that's why it bummed me out. And it felt like it was put on. Now some people, no, not all. What? Yes. So some people are they high pitch sound. Right. Did talk about you with a friend that has that natural. She really does, guys. So much is put on. Like we don't talk about sexy. Yeah. High. It's put on to look more

feminine, more helpless. You said to look. That's what's so great about it. You're right. You're like, You put on a voice to look more sexy. What? No, it's a sound, but you're right. So it's like if I want to go and get something from a guy who's like very gendered, you know, macho guy. And I'm like, oh, I could put just a tad of sexy baby and maybe I could get a deal on this. You know what I mean? It's like, it's weird and extraordinarily gendered.

There's so many parts of it. And the up talk, you describe it in the book of, A, like a submissive. child, but also someone that doesn't have agency over their own life when you ask a question at the end of every sentence. It drives me crazy. It's just like, we should be better than this. Up speak is ambiguity, right? It's like, I'm going to have a water? And you're like, I don't know. Are you having it a water?

Like, I'm not quite sure. You're asking me or are we? It sounds like it's designed to be non-threatening. It's designed to be not authoritative. It's designed to like not make the penis shrivel up, you know? Well, those are, again, three very different things. But ultimately, here's the deal. Women should be able to sound however the fuck they want, right? If they feel, this is what I learned in my work on the book, is honestly, it's not up to me.

And if that makes you feel online, sexy, if that's the kind of sound that you want to drive through your life, then it really is up to the woman. That said, if I had my druthers, if I had my dream, I would say I just want people to sound authentic. And if that sound is something that you were vastly putting on, just think about it. Sure. I think that's fair. I don't know any women who do this. None of my, like the men in our lives. I think of my brother.

I think of Rob. I think of Francis. Like their wives have these grown-ass woman, mature, authentic voices, which I just think it's the people that we surround ourselves with because it is a lack of authenticity and thinking that it's going to benefit you to sound like a sexy baby. But you really talked about Paris Hilton and that that was her competitive advantage, essentially. And she took it to a different level with the breathy sexiness and Marilyn Monroe.

And it's just like- The Kardashians are pretty genius with it too. I mean, like- The amount of vocal fry. It's extraordinary. If you want to take Kim and Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton, it was sexier. It was that breathy, like I want to fuck you. It felt almost like you aren't supposed to hear this in public.

That's the whole thing with sexy baby is that it's taking a bedroom voice and bringing it in the room. So it's like, you know, all of that stuff. Marilyn Monroe, too. Yeah, Maryland, that was Maryland sitting up, you know, standing up there in front of everyone singing happy birthday with that sort of breathy. You know, happy birthday. You know, like all of that. It's basically like, this is the voice that I use when I'm fucking you and I'm telling everyone that we have fucked. You know, so that's what that is.

And I think it harkens back the breathy, super submissive, feminine sound. And then, of course, culturally we add on a little fry for this day and age, that is like broadcasting your bedroom voice as your daily, your daily driver, you know? And that's just like, you know, but then we talk about people who like vacillate between the two depending on, they code shift. And when we talk about love is blind, the hardest code shift I've ever heard. It's really bad. Yes.

I'm trying to remember. So remember when she would be like speaking normally like in like testimonial. Testimonials. Right. Because she's like a smart, successful. Bad bitch. Yeah. But she would be like, I don't know about Barnett.

I just think he's really sexy and maybe I want to get down with him. And then she'd like switch into just like a normal speaking person. It was two completely different people. See, I found her in the testimonials. And first of all, again, we really have to work hard at this. But the sexy baby sound does not negate until. It's a choice, right? And I know it's hard. It's a choice. But there's other, you know, in the same way that you were like, I'm not really, I don't want to sound like those people from the deep south. And the way that Becca Andrews was like, oh, I don't want to sound like rural southern because I don't want to be thought of as dumb. You know, it's like she's not dumb. But the sounds have these, you know, stigmas. Right. So let's go back to the sexy baby. So Jessica, she would look to camera like, well, you know, it's like, I'm just trying to figure it out. And then when she get with the. guy, hey, like, I was thinking we should open champagne, you know, and you're like,

what had happened to you? Wait, can you go, can you do that voice for the rest of the interview? Whatever. What is happening? I am struggling to listen. No, but I literally was like, I was like, everyone pause, rewind, you know, and the truth is, like, I also was like, she's a fucking genius, you know, because I was like, she did nail it. Ask this question.

Like, you know, I also feel like you're attracting the wrong type of, for me. Totally. I don't want those men that want that. It's also like, what if I was like, you know, what if my natural sound was like really up here? But there's a guy who, you know, really likes, like, kind of like, you know, more of a sexy lower sound. And then I was kind of talking to him like this all the time. You know, he'd be like, yeah, my bitch is hot. But then all of a sudden I'd be like going home and be like, Jesus Christ, this is a lot.

This is a lot to keep up. And you're right. So it's inauthenticity that you're bumping against, really. But, I mean, I guess it's so obvious, but women do this because they think men want it, right? I mean, and it's just it comes back to, like, you might have really idolized Paraselan growing up or Kim Kardashian. I mean, you're almost mimicking those women. It's in porn. I wrote Pamela Anderson down. I mean, that's my whole, I wrote Pamela Anderson down.

I mean, her voice was incredible. And she's really smart, but it sounds submissive. It sounds not authoritative. It sounds young. Yeah, it sounds the thing. I think that when we go, oh, but she's. really smart. I think what you're saying is she's an adult.

You know, she's a grown-up even though she sounds like a little... But I mean, I guess, it feels an authoritative. And yes, it feels young. But in a way, it's like a lot of these women from the South who have a really beautiful lyrical music to their sound. And you know, well, I don't know. Well, you know, all that kind of like, well, why don't you just come on in? Like that stuff, I mean, those women can get whatever the fuck they want. You know what I mean? Like, even though somebody were like, oh, I'm from New York and I have a voice that could be on CNN, you know, but like that woman could

probably like rob you while you're standing right there. You know what I mean? Like she's probably going to be the, you know, there are women who can get away with quite a lot and not even just get away with, but who are just 10,000 times smarter than I am with the CNN voice, you know. It goes to men too. I mean, men are not completely unaware of what we're just talking about heterosexual relationships of what women would want in terms of a deeper voice. and do they code switch too? Oh, yeah, men are, men do it all the time. And by the way, I just want to say this, which is just, I preface this with like, I am not an expert.

I am an enthusiast, like big time. Okay. You have a lot of information? I do have a lot of information. But it's really its opinion, you know? And it's like I'm an academic in that I'm like in constant interest with this. But men, I think, do it too. They're 100% guilty of it.

My brother's definitely guilty of it. I hear him code switching all the time when he's talking to associates at his work. And then, you know, he has a sliding door company. And so he'll be sort of talking in this way and kind of more of that CNN talk. And then he'll be like, he gives traffic directions for fucking driving up north. And he's just like, yeah, you want to take this? And you're going to take it off the exit. And then you're going to get, once you stand, get on the taconic. Take the teconic. You know, and you're like, oh my God. So I think that men do it, though, in relationships as well. You know, it's like some guys, the way they're talking at home, you remember they're here.

and then I'll just like, hey, baby, how you doing? Because they know that you fucking like that shit. I wish that guy I went out with recently would have changed his voice. I know. I was like, ah, this is crazy. He showed up for you, honestly. Yeah, no, no, too honest.

I just was like, this is, this guy is more of a white girl than me. Okay, so he had a very high-pitched voice and is sounded like feminine to you. I mean, I don't even know how to describe it. It was the whole package. Mannerism. That's the word. Tone, cadence, pace. All of it. Likes and everything.

Oh, yeah. I mean. Well, I think that it's really interesting. How old was he? I'm just curious. Late 30s? Okay. Wow, really?

Okay. It was shocking. Because I'm going to be honest with you. It was shocking to me. Look, I think that, you know, we are all guilty of, I always try to like to check myself because I'm like, don't be self-righteous. You know, it's like. I know, I know.

We can have opinions and things that turn us on and off. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about attraction here. Like, when we come down to it, it's like there's one part of the conversation that's kind of like a little heady, a little intellectual about kind of the science and the kind of cultural and social implications of what we're discussing, which is the more touchy part, right? Because that profiling shit is real, you know, and that is based and steeped in, and I will say it again, in systemic fucking bullshit. You know, when we talk about that rural southern

sound, when we talk about AAVE, African American vernacular English, we are talking about a large span of vocal profiling. And then when it goes to over here, relationships, what we're talking about, that gets in the way sometimes. That shit can get in the way. Yeah, I mean, I think I read this in the description of your book, not put this way necessarily in the book, but you said like every different voice can make you specifically laugh at a joke, trust a person, find them authentic, make you want to fuck them. And I never thought about all the different layers that make me go, I trust you or I don't trust you. Yes. And sometimes we'll get out of an interview and I'll say to Ashley, like I didn't like the way they said that, it's because the way that they said it, you know? And if somebody else had

said it, it wouldn't have bothered me. Well, I think that a lot of us are very concerned about how our hair looks, what makeup we've got, our shoe, are this, you know, do I look fat in the, you know, whatever it is. We're always concerned about what we're visually telegraphing or sort of broadcasting, as it were, but we're not thinking about how our sound is really affecting. And like you said, you sat across someone and there was something there that just didn't work for you. And sometimes you can go back in your own private history and go, oh, God, that person really sounded like that scary uncle I had or, you know, had, or that like, right, you can pinpoint. That fucked up kind of, like, teacher who, like, didn't take me seriously and made me cry.

You know, whatever it is. There are things like that I noticed where I'm like, Jesus, that's what it is, you know, there was this one professor I had, a teacher I had that it really put me off of a certain sound. I couldn't pinpoint it until later to kind of do the kind of therapeutic investigation of what that vocal sort of friction was, you know? And then I found out, you know, I sort of did the math on it, as it were.

But anyway. Okay. Let's talk about voices and sex. Yeah. Voices in the bedroom? Bedroom. Yeah, whatever. Mating, what all the things.

So the biggest issue with women, I think, in sex and voice is that it's hard for women to find their voice in sex, you know. And I think that is like a lifelong practice that, you know, we all need to have. I mean, you need to be able to advocate for yourself. Like, I like this. I don't like that. That's actually in language, right?

And just being able to kind of show up and say something. But then also I do find I kind of go up in pitch and I am softer in a sexual situation. Yeah. Like I'm not like speaking like this. Like, hello. And here we're going. Can you imagine? Like talk to us like you want to fuck out.

Yeah. Oh my God. We're not there yet. Right, you're like whispering your low voice. Yeah. Which is, it's just so weird that people do that every day. Like I think of the way I talked to in the bedroom and it's just like, people just take that and they just do it all day.

Oh, the sex voice. I think that as long as you are advocating for what feels good, what doesn't feel good, what you want, and a sort of flow of information and communication. And you're cool with that. Whatever fucking voice you gets you there is like fine by me. because I just feel like if anything, women just need to be present in their voice. And I'm talking to myself, too. I mean, like, it's very difficult.

I was saying to you guys earlier that, you know, when you've been married and then divorced and then have had kids and then you're out in the dating scene, it is extraordinary because going from a place of kind of being single and being like, Lake is single in the world. and this is me dating from this vantage point, it's so different after you've learned to communicate with a spouse through the heaviest shit you've ever experienced, whether it's like almost losing a child or like real health fucking scares to marriage shit, money shit,

house-owning shit, divorce shit, therapy, couples, sex therapy, I mean, all of it and like how to talk to small humans, I mean, all that shit, by the time you get to the dating scene on the other side of that, you're like, I just know how to fucking talk, like, and communicate in a different way. And your body's different, you know, you feel a little more, like, in body because you've, like, sat on a floor and a pool of crazy shit and, like, pushed a baby out, two homebursts over here. Like, it's crazy. You know, it's like you've gone through animal fucking business.

And so on the other side of that, you're like, oh, now I'm dating? So like the difference of how the lens through which you look at another human being is just different. Yeah. And how I am, like Lake now is different Lake, you know? And so you know what I'm saying? Like it's one of those things where I'm just not going to put up with as much bullshit. There's two things here, which I'd love to talk about if you're boys. changes after kids, like, scientifically or like actually, or just it's life, like you said.

And then you, I mean, you just said a really great thing. You said people are scared of sounding older, but aging is a privilege and you should own it and lean into it. And I just think of how exhausting to put on a fake voice. Yeah. I was thinking on the way over in the car, I was like trying to do Paris Hilton voice and like, I can only do it for like a couple seconds. But it's also access, right? Like you have other voices that you probably could like play with for a long period of time. She just had access to that particular. When I'm at the Avis counter, no one sounds more saccharine sweet than I do. Yeah. I can get on the phone trying to get something done customer service-wise. And even just, if I listen to our podcast, I have a little bit of her voice

when I do our ad reads versus when I'm like telling a wild story and getting all out of control. Like this, I don't like this. It's like, it's a lot. It's just big. What did you ask though, you were saying if your voice changes after a child. No, that is hormonally. So hormonally, your voice will change. because in every sort of milestone hormonally, your voice will alter. Really? Yeah. Intersex.

You get your period. You become a woman. And I wonder, you know, a lot of women who, yeah, of course. But, I mean, aging is really hard. It's brutal through the lens of our society and culture. Totally. But ultimately, I do believe that it's a fucking privilege because the alternative is death. Yeah.

Like you either get to get older or you. just fucking die, you know? So getting older is like, good for you, you know. And also, it's just a sign of like, you'll see too, because I'm like, turning 40 was like the fucking worst. And then once you're over it, you're like, you know, it's just the, it's the lead up. You think, oh my God, you're literally the same person the next day. You know what you're like? Literally it's like nothing. You're like, oh, okay. Well, it's stigma. And you know what? I also feel like I speak from, you know, a place of privilege. I understand what that is, you know. I am a wealthy, white woman, and I am aware that I am able to maintain myself to do work on myself. I am very

participatory in, like, anti-racist work. I am like, thank God, like, I'm at this place where I can fucking pay attention, take the time to be like, I don't give a shit about dating anyone right now. I'm totally going to, on a fucking Saturday night. Like, read an anti-racist book about bettering myself, and I'm going to be thrilled. You know what I'm saying? Like, you show up for the shit you care about. It's just you get to cut the bullshit a little bit. And that's hot.

That is hot. I mean, people be wanting to fuck me. I'm just kidding. I know, you're hot. Also, hot tip, great book called White Women and Everything You Should Know About Your Own Racism and How to Do Better by Cyra Rao and Regina Jackson. Highly Recommend it. Okay.

Okay. So those are my friends. So I just wanted to share that. We share wrecks on the show all the time. We love it. I love it. Yeah. I love the wreck. Well, that feels like a good place to maybe wrap up. But I just want to say, like, I am so excited for this to end. So I can go keep listening to the book in the car. You can text me too. I'll give me whatever. I'll give you whatever. I'll give it. I'm transitioning out of editing our podcast. But I edited it for five years. And I do a lot. I do a lot of audio really based in the things that we do. And so I notice a lot of things. And the way that the book sounds is so. good. It's surround sound. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I put it on on the plane and I was like, is this in my AirPods or is it on the phone or is it on the, is, are they playing it from the airplane from the cockpit? It's really, I forget the word, whatever, when you feel like you hear something in one ear and the other ear, but it's so rich and so good the sound. I really, I mean, even in my films though, I'm like very sound sensitive. So when I, one of my favorite parts of post production is, is doing the sound design. Yeah. So it's like, ooh, you know, it's

like, oh, I want like a bird to trip right. There. There. No, go back, go back, back four frames. You know, it's like there. You know, it's like doing ourselves. Exactly. So it's like that sound stuff, that soundscapism and that kind of world building is really important to me. So I'm glad you noticed. No, it's great. It's great. It's great. And then all the different voices that you do in the book. But this is really great. I really encourage people to read your book to buy your book and listen to it. It's called Inside Voice on Audible. Yes. Inside Voice. It really is just so great. And anywhere else you want people to look for you, find you? I mean, listen, I'm on Instagram and I do at Lake Bell.

But yeah, I have lots of really fun stuff coming up, but I'm just not allowed to fucking say anything. Okay, I will hold on long. Yeah, okay. You guys can find everything you need at girls got to eat.com, tour dates, tickets, merchandise, all the episodes we've ever done and follow us at Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram. I am Ash Hess. Raina is reina.org, girl's got to eat podcast on TikTok.

And then vibes only.com and vibes only on Instagram for our sex toy line and erotic. audio app. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.