Girls Gotta Eat - Overcoming Insecurity + the #1 Tip for Relationships feat. Sahil Bloom

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

We are so excited to sit down with entrepreneur/speaker/overall inspirational human Sahil Bloom to talk about love, life, career, and unhinged male behavior. He shares how he spent so many years having negative self-talk and seeking external validation, and how he overcame his insecurities and found his identity. He also shares why extremes of self-help advice don't work and his realistic "ABC system" to achieve your goals. And we talk about relationships – his #1 tip for long-lasting partnership, the secret to how he and his wife have made it work so long, why who you choose to partner with is so important, where to find the people who embody what you're looking for, and how male insecurity is the root of all bad behavior. Before Sahil joins us, it's a circus of storytelling – a hilarious/embarrassing incident that happened to Rayna right before recording, our new vibrator debut, power ranking of guys who have stayed with Rayna, and Ashley's anniversary. Enjoy! Follow Sahil on Instagram @sahilbloom, subscribe to his newsletter, and check out his website. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Saie: Get Saie at Sephora. Bilt: Get points by paying rent at joinbilt.com/GGE. Our Place: Get 10% off sitewide at fromourplace.com with code GGE. Chomps: Get 20% off your first order and free shipping at chomps.com/GGE. Beis: Get 15% off your first purchase at beistravel.com/GGE. Zbiotics: Get 15% off at zbiotics.com/GGE with code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My number one pet peeve with guys trying to date is making this unbelievably long list of traits that they want to find in a woman. But they don't embody a single one of those traits themselves. Back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back May 20th. What a special day? It's really special. I had to remind you what today was. To be fair, we are recording this a little ahead of time.

Yeah, you did have to be like, are we going to talk about your milestone? I was like, what, the new vibrator? That's the kind of friend that I want. You are not ready. You are not fucking ready for the mother of all vibrators. If you're watching on YouTube, we are just pumping these in the air. We're going to unbox them for you. This is an insane box.

This looks like you ordered. I need two hands to hold the box. I don't even know, like a giant footlong sub. What is that box going to be like? This is giving like Wawa Hogi. It comes in those boxes that like the, a dozen of flowers come in because it's so... Yes, like it is giving flowers energy.

Big flower energy, big pussy energy. We're ready to tell you guys all about it. Get your big pussies ready. Yeah. Get your pussies ready. Okay, let's thank our partners. I've told you this thing that happened. I'm like, I cannot wait. Speaking of chomp into the bit. Thanks to chumps. Thanks to chomps. Tasty meat sticks packed with mouthwatering flavor for supporting our show. Go to chomps.com slash g-g to see all the delicious flavors and get 20% off your first order and free shipping.

I'm doing chompson. You're just flying at it? All right, listen, you pick the next one and then I'll pick the next one. Oh my God, we'll just go rogue. Okay. Who's it going to be? Russia roulette. Okay, thanks to Zbiotics for supporting this episode and our good times.

Go to zbiotics.com slash gge to get 15% off your first order when you use code GGE at checkout. This episode is sponsored by Say. It sold exclusively at Sephora. Say is an award-winning, clean and sustainable. makeup brand shop say now at Sephora and this episode is brought to you by Built Rewards

Earn points by paying rent right now when you go to joinbilt.com slash GGE. That's join biltt.com slash GGE. Okay, we're not done. Thanks to BASE for supporting girls got to eat. Now we don't need to choose between beautiful pieces

and functional luggage. Base luggage makes travel a breeze. Get 15% off your first purchase at base travel.com slash GGE. And last but at least, this episode is sponsored by Oh, Our Place. Our Place is a mission-driven and female-founded brand that makes beautiful kitchen products that are healthy and sustainable. Go to From OurPlace.com and enter code Gigi at checkout to receive 10% off site-wide.

Our Place is a great segue into the fact that this is my place and Tessa just treated it like it's Our Place. What happened? Did she just take a giant shit? No, but it does involve a giant shit. So we've had a long reporting day here. So there's a downstairs bathroom that everybody uses outside of my kitchen. and Jared was in there for an obscene amount of times. I went upstairs because I was like,

whatever he's doing in there, I don't want to follow it. Right, you went upstairs and changed, came back downstairs and it's an obscene amount of time. Well, you might have been doing, okay, well, you're about to tell me. What, jerking off? Well, I don't know if was he,

he was just pooping. I don't know if he was like shaving or. Well, I'm just like, okay, like Jared has pooped downstairs. Ashley came up to change. I went up to my room to change, and I'm like walking around naked and I'm like,

everybody here has already been upstairs or taken a shit. And Tessa, I'm sitting in the middle of the hallway, butt naked, no underwear, nothing. Pussy out. And Tessa walked upstairs. Action time was not that quick. It took me a second to realize I was like looking at a person in my hallway upstairs. And Tessa has been laughing a little too hard about it.

Right. I know she was probably feeling very awkward. She just saw her boss's pussy. Like, it's weird for her right now. Do you feel like better or worse than you imagine? Smash her past, Tessa. Honestly, though. Oh, my God.

Booms out fine. Everybody's seen my boobs. Tessa, see my boobs the show a thousand times. But vagina for your assistant. Tessa, how do you feel right now? Bald eagle for your assistant. Do you want to give an official statement? Are you okay?

And then what did she do? Just say, oh my God. Was she like awkward? My reaction time was so, so, I feel like you were there for ever. Ever. I feel like... Covered my eyes. I went back down stairs.

She's covered her eyes. That's the reaction you want when someone sees your naked body. Oh my God. Ew. What if she said? Ew. She's like, you're so old. All of a sudden, Rain is like, we have to fire Tesla.

And I'm like, why? She's so great. And you're like, she said, ew. When she saw my person. And Ashley would be like, yeah, I got it. She is fired. No. Oh, my God.

She's been laughing a little too hard about this. What did you do? Were you like, oh, my God. Like, I would have been like, oh, my God. I grabbed like both nipples and went straight for the vagina. I did. I did it quick. I covered quick.

You didn't just want to turn around and scamper off? Turn out. Show her my butt hole. Go back to your bedroom. What were you doing in the hallway, by the way? First of all, no. I want to actually have you take some blame here. Why are you in the hallway?

I'm being victim blamed in my own house. Like when Tess is in my house, I don't walk around pussy out in the common areas. So here is my thought process. This seems like a you problem. Thank you for asking. So all of my summer dresses are in the other bedroom. Oh my God.

Raina's problems, everybody. All my summer dresses are in the other room. I have a full room for my summer dresses. This is a summer dress? How am I getting roasted so hard? This was this gene... Our assistant just saw my vagina.

I'm getting made fun of. Was this denim romper in the summer dress room? Oh my God. You really made it. that's why we have six ads this week. We got a paper rate of summer dresses. And the room is there in. And their storage.

Processed. So when we wore it earlier to record, I was butt-naked under it. So I took it off. And then I had a thought, I would like to wear a summer dress. And then I was like, everybody in this house has already been up here or into the bathroom. So I assumed Jared would have finished going to the toilet three hours ago. And Tesla wasn't coming upstairs. That's so funny.

Yeah, we all were all over the place. because once he hit like a seven-minute mark, I was like, I'm going upstairs. Yes. So I was like, I can just dart across the hallway into the summer dress room, but naked. You don't expect that your assistant is going to be in the hallway. Anyway, Jared's coming soon, you guys. We have him for a special episode in June. So it's going to be worth the wait.

It was so funny. Yeah. Did he flush, though? I did not look. You got flush downstairs. Yeah, like I'm saying, you know, because we had a whole clog situation with a former house guest of yours. Yeah, we're going to rank them one day, but Francis Ellis just stayed with me. He's the top top. Okay. He just left. And he left my house sparkling clean.

I told Raina, I want her to do a power ranking of every man that stayed with her. So we have Francis, he's in the top slot. Jeremy, bottom. Bottom. Bottom ranking. Just cups, water bottles, blankets everywhere, wet towels. I guess we're actually doing it right now. Okay, Rob. His gross feet are I don't know how he makes them so many places. They're just everywhere. His feet are everywhere. His feet are everywhere. He brings an extra set of feet. Okay, Rob. Rob was always, like, fine but very messy. Rob was 17 water bottles. He can beat your house for 12 hours.

He'll be one sip out of 17 water bottles. And Rob has, like, I've stayed with him a ton. He is clean, but a little messy. Messy, yes. He's a clean person, like clean hygiene. He wants cleanliness, but he's an explosion. Shower's first thing in the morning when he gets out. I come downstairs.

It's 7 a.m. He is just, like, showered, ready to go. 19 water bottles are already opened. Rob will eat you at a house at home. He doesn't ask, like, would you like the last bite of this leftover? he just eats it. But I come out all the time in the morning and there are crystal bourbon glasses just like sitting on the furniture outside.

But Rob will replenish you 2X. So I have trained him. But this is how he is though, because Rob will always buy women food. He always knows even if you say you don't want a snack, you want a snack. And the wine, like, Robits have been over at my apartment and we're having wine, we're having food. And all of a sudden like, boop, knock on the door and there's more wine at food. Like he will always like, yes, drink and eat a lot and then replenish it at least two X.

He did that 10x. 10x. Rob just, I mean, I've just trained him really well. Also, like, my feeling with Rob is like, don't buy no shit. Won't be no shit. So, like, I made the mistake of stocking up the house last times. He came. And this time I didn't stock anything, so there was nothing for him to eat.

And so he's gotten better, though. I've trained him. He did the laundry last time. He was here really, really nice. Francis is the top. He filled my car with gas. Yeah, he used it, though. Yeah.

Yeah, I gave him the car. But that's, I didn't ask for that, you know. And then Yonatan, fine. I still will never forget when the studio flooded. and he pretty much let me and Tessa empty out this room by ourselves. Tessa said at one point he picked up a speaker and nothing else. Like a sonos speaker, Ashley.

Tessa was carrying a chair. He was like, my work here is done. Tessa and I were carrying the couch, and he was like, I'll get this Sona speaker. So anyways, yeah. Is there more? Who all stays with me? I feel like there's one more guy we're missing.

No, it's just the four? They're here a lot. They're just, my dad. Your dad is what I'm thinking of. He's got to be in the mix. Where's he fall? He breaks a lot of stuff. He drinks red wine in my all white house.

He is never not dropping and breaking stuff. You have to have, like, plastic stuff stocked everywhere for him. Okay. So power ranking is Francis, Rob. Are you, your dad and Yonatan, you got to pick one. Yonatan, because he's better a little bit. Yonatan than your dad than Jeremy. Jeremy, there's like a few people in between Jeremy, too.

Oh, my God. Poor guy. That's the power round. Bad house guest. Yeah. He doesn't respect me and he doesn't have to. And he knows it. Okay.

Can we talk about the Ashley Max? Yeah, girl. Okay. Guys, I feel so emotional even talking about this. So when we launched Vibes Only, which is our premium sex toy company with Bluetooth connected vibrators and we have an amazing app that you can connect and control them long distance and check the battery and all these really fun things, they all connect to it. And then, of course, we have our accoutrement, like our blow gel and our lube and our candle

and all these incredible things. But we really started the company with three vibrators. the Ashley wand, really just kind of simple, like starter vibrator, but, you know, higher quality than one we'd ever seen and really just still better. It had this rose gold accent. Like, we kind of took your standard wand and we were like, let's make it like the best wand that exists. And then we, of course, have the Raina, which we still have. And we have the Gigi, which we will probably sell out of and we may or may not bring back. Because we have something else that's like small and petite. You guys are going to be so excited. And that's coming in the next few months. And Raina's

kind of been leading the charge on that. But we were like, you know, let's retire the Ashley. And let's make it bigger and better and, you know, taller. Like, like Ashley. Like Ashley. Yeah. And more beautiful because I have gotten more beautiful. I just keep working on myself. Yeah.

Inside and out. I have gotten more snatched since I got off the pill. So everything about this is the new me. So this is the new Ashley Max. It is the Ashley 2.0. I wanted to call it the Ashley Pro Max, but that's probably trademark. Trademark from Apple. So it is the Ashley Max, which of course Max.

just take it to the max, masturbate to the max, get your pleasure to the max. And it's incredible. And it is just this beautiful burgundy color with the three rose gold accents. The vibes only VO stamp are incredibly soft, highest quality silicone that just makes it feel so nice in your hand. And also on your most sensitive erogenous zone. So it's got your wand head and then this just really comfortable handle. It's kind of got the snatched. It's very, it was aerodynamic one. Organomic wand. It's really nice to hold. There's a nice divot in there. Yes. And so this. This is the mother of all vibrators.

You can call her mother and just get off with your mother. There's going to be five intensities, so low to medium to high, and then five different pulsing patterns. So you can really find what works for you, and then you can unlock more in the app. And again, these just, you can download the app for free. There is a paid side of it too, a subscription base, of course, and we have erotic content in there.

But you're just going to connect this to the app, and then you can dial it up or dial it down from what's going to be in your just vibrator manual mode. I take away I like it. Yeah. I mean a few things other than it gives me orgasms. It's a very long wand handle. And so when you turn it on, the top is vibrating like really heavily, but you don't feel

a vibrate in your hand at all whatsoever. Not at all. I dare you to try to feel this vibrate in your hand. So this is the number one thing of like one of the motivations I had for wanting to start a sex to a company in the first place was literally I feel like I had some toys and I was like, I cannot focus on my orgasm because my hand is vibrating so much. and I cannot believe this company sells the shit for this price point. And we can do better.

And this is the least of all that you, I cannot feel it on my hand when it's on the highest setting. Maybe the highest, highest, but like it's a low buzz for being this big and powerful. This is our most powerful toy. But of course you can find a lower setting and speed and whatever pattern that you want. It is the most intense orgasm.

It is crazy because it's got this big surface area. It just covers your whole. It covers the whole thing. And it is a, unreal. I mean, I usually do a steady pulse, but I've been trying out the patterns a lot more with this, like, and just kind of waves, like that kind of like up and down. Tease yourself? Yes, I'm losing my fucking mind. And then I will say, too, this is great if you are pregnant or pregnant or, you know, if you are even plus size, you're just like, I have a bigger

body to get around for whatever reason, you know, like this, it's more vibrator to get down to where you need to put it. If you have restricted mobility. Maybe you broke your arm in the hospital. You can't put your arms. Exactly. Maybe if you're social distancing and someone wants to just. This would have been so good for COVID. Just to have your man hold it on you.

Maybe you want to masturbate, but you want your partner to stay across the room. If you're in a fight. Or if you each want to be on separate ends of the couch, this will reach. It's really long. It's extremely long. Also, I always say I'm such a lazy masturbator. I don't want to have to hold anything. Really, I mean, I could, my arm could like be up at my titties and I'm masturbating.

It's also just beautiful. The box is such a showstopper. Yeah, I don't know which one I'm talking to. There was a live show, virtual live show where we had dildos out and I talked into it instead of my microphone. Andrew Collins said it was one of the funniest things he's ever seen in real life, watching me realize in real time, like which I was in. But yes, it is a great microphone shape. The boxes are really premium.

It's a humongous box. It is a real showstopper. This is a fantastic gift for somebody else. I mean, also uses a back massage. You know, it's humongous. Listen, you'll massage your whole body with it. You really can. Jenny Jones, which is a close friend of ours and just so funny,

was like, you guys should come up with the big wand that doubles his back massager. And like, this absolutely does. Like, it's not your full Theragun. You know, it's not that powerful. But it is. If you have like a hard run day, run this down my thighs. I actually love this with the massage candle. That's a full therapeutic experience.

Fuck yeah. Get it with the massage candle. Yeah. Light arm. massage candle, it turns into oil, your back massage, and then you... Get on the... Oh, fuck. Wet thinking about it.

I'm looped up. So, we don't want to take too much more of your time with this, but I mean, we're so proud of vibes only, and it is our baby. And we're coming up on our two-year anniversary in June. We launched this in 2022, and we're just so proud of it. And, you know, the sales are increasing, the number of customers, and we just love giving you guys orgasms and being a part of your sexual wellness. And this is just...

such a beautiful, special, but easy to use, shouldn't be intimidating product that can really be for, you know, bodies of all sizes and people of all masturbation preferences. Yes. We always want to encourage your self-exploration, your self-pleasure, playing with a partner, just having orgasms because it's self-care. So check it out. That's at vibes lonely.com. We have a whole line of things for you guys. And then the app also is, of course, anywhere that you download out. Yes. So again, the app, there is erotic content in there. There are a few free stories. You can try, but then the whole library comes with the subscription, of course. And you actually pair the vibrators and they pulse along with the story. It's a whole immersive experience. But some of the

free features you're going to get are unlocking some more like patterns and intensities and then the battery estimator, which no one else is doing, which we love. So your vibrator will never die on you. And the long distance feature where someone can control your vibrator from anywhere in the world where the app is available. That's a subscription feature. So vibes only.com. And we have a juicy peach new suck and blow gel so that's going to be a vulva friendly as well and suck a dick, eats and posse, but a whole friendly. More stuff coming this summer. We're just so excited and we just want to thank you guys for supporting our company.

Get the Ashley Max, you guys, Vivesonly.com. Okay. Okay. So I wanted to talk to you about this thing. I found it really interesting. A close girlfriend of ours had this scenario and I like felt so mad about it. And I was like, why do I feel so mad about it? So she had gone out with this guy a few times.

I would say, make it five times. They'd made out, messed around a little bit and they had gone on a date. the last date, he, like, kind of refused to come into her house with her. Okay. And he basically gave her this speech of, like, I want to take it slow. I respect you too much to have sex with you. And she was like, but I want to have sex. And we've been on a bunch of dates and I, the guys see this maybe going somewhere.

I don't know if she said all that. But she was just like, I want to have sex. And he basically was just like, I have too much respect for women to treat you like that. And she was like, you're not treating me like. I want to choose to have sex and he refused to do it. So I felt really incensed by this whole like, I respect you too much to let. And it feels like it's misdirected respect.

Because like I say respect with quotes. Because it doesn't feel like respect that I'm saying to you, this is a choice as an adult woman that I would like to make. And you're saying to me, you're smarter than me. You're more rational than me. I can't make this own decision myself. What you're saying is sex makes you less respectable. You're just, you're saying that the act itself is disrespectful.

Like, I feel like that's the high level of what he's saying. Like, I'm going to respect you less. Like, having sex makes you a less respectable woman. Uh-huh. I don't even need to read between the lines. Like, that's pretty much what you're saying. And that's your shit. Like, this is the biggest glaring red flag.

Like, the second I heard this from a guy, I'm immediate like, oh, we don't view sex the same way. And, like, you should go to therapy if you're not in it already to deal with the way that you view women and sex and pleasure. Right. Like it's weird that he's framing it as respect because it's like anti-respect. It's removing my agency to decide when I would like to sleep with somebody and how I think about sleeping with somebody. Yeah. Like I might just want to fuck you. That doesn't mean I have any expectations outside of it. You're sitting here rejecting me as a respect thing. Right. Tell me you respect yourself too much to have a one night stand with somebody that maybe you don't see a future with or you've used sex differently than I do. That it's that you only sleep with people. that you are in serious relationships with. But don't tell me that I am not being a respectable person. Right, exactly. But I also like it because you're showing me who you are and she has ended it with him.

So it's like I kind of like knowing who you are instead of some other excuse. It's just like you're not capable of making this decision and I'm smarter than you. And so I'm telling you it's not respectful to sleep together. Fuck you. Yeah. And I don't, of course, like I would never be with somebody like that. I wouldn't want my girlfriends to be with somebody like that. So that goes about saying.

But this feels different than someone who doesn't want to do really dirty, kinky, disrespectful stuff in the bedroom. Like, totally. That's some people's struggle. You know, they want to just not do that dirty, kinky stuff with their partner. And it's a shame when the partner wants that and they can't really find that common ground and someone isn't satisfied sexually. But just sex, just sex. Like this thing that adults do, you know, like this thing that's just designed for pleasure and we should all just be enjoying, you know, on our own terms, of course. Just that. She's not saying spit on me.

You know, like, it'd be different if she was like, I need you to tie me up and spit on me and call me a whore. And he's like, I don't know. I'm having a problem with that because I like respect you too much to do that, which is still can kind of be kinkshaming. But it's not for everybody. Everybody is different things they want to do. I have one of guys say, I don't want to choke you. I don't want to do that to you. That's fine.

But this just. The act of sex. Yeah. I wonder where it comes from. And it almost feels like it comes from a family member, like a mother. Like your mom said, like, like you need to respect women and treating them like meat is is bad and you should be in a committed relationship before you sleep with somebody like I just I do wonder where it comes from if it's like

a little bit I'm not blaming somebody's mom I think maybe somebody explained him how to quote respect women he digested it in a way that like most people wouldn't necessarily yeah yeah I'd be curious like I don't want to demonize a person I don't really know I forget if there's other stuff there that we didn't like about him but whatever this is like it is not it and I'm surprised someone hasn't corrected you along the way. Like a, I don't know, a girlfriend or a sister or somebody. I mean, I don't know that it's going to be a casual fling or someone that you dated. But I don't know.

If this happened to me, I think I'd be like, yeah, this is over, but I have some notes. Oh, right. Unless I just felt like, no, keep going out here and shooting yourself in the foot. But if I thought that this was like a decent enough person, I think I'd be like, I got to tell you, this sat with me the wrong way and probably a lot of other women. So yeah like I would assume you would feel kind of rejected and silly and like you've thrown yourself at this person and it feels really bad. Yeah when you told me this and you said it felt like slut shaming. I was like yeah that's so crazy because it's like that's the opposite of what he thinks he's doing. He's just like you don't really understand how to respect yourself.

Yes. So I'm a teach you. Yeah. Anyway, I thought it was an interesting scenario to unpack. And I do think that we are like as a society and especially men like renegotiating what the boundaries are and what consent is. But like this to me is just really misdirected quote unquote respect and somebody told him to do that. And maybe somebody as brave as you has not corrected him. Right.

Let me get a hold of him. I'm sure I can find him. Some on Instagram. He was like a weirdo name. And some Trump rally. Yeah. Exactly. The breathwork class.

But no offense if you're into that. But yeah, I just also I think anyone that makes you feel like you. your needs are too much or slutty or not respectable. It's just really not your person. Like that's, there was that. And yeah, there was a whole thing.

Like he didn't want her to come up. And she was kind of like, what do you think I'm going to do? Like maybe this guy has some trauma. Maybe he has some sexual trauma. You never know what happened to him in his past. I always want to give people grace. But it just didn't feel like that's the case.

He's also extremely good looking, like shocking late. And maybe it has happened to him that like he has slept with a lot of girls early on on dates. and then it has created a scenario where they have expectations of him, and he's like, I wasn't ready for those expectations. Then say that. Sex doesn't equal.

I'm your boyfriend. But like, yeah, you say that. Yeah. This was the worst excuse I could think of. Slot shaming me is the worst. That's the tip top. Yeah. All right.

Well, I love the conversation. Me too. I don't love that it happened, but, you know, I like unpacking it with you. Let's talk about a couple of our partners. This episode is brought to you by built rewards. At some point, we've all felt that paying rent is kind of like setting your money on fire. We do not have the opportunity. to help build credit and our rent payments don't work towards a future down payment on a home.

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Totally. Oh, my rent? I'm obsessed with our place. I'm excited to talk about it because I love kitchen stuff. Our place is a mission-driven and female founded brand that makes beautiful kitchen products

that are healthy and sustainable. So Ashley and I just like have really talked so much more recently about like what we're putting in our bodies, how they enter our bodies. Because we respect our bodies. Yeah, we respect our bodies. Did you know that most cookware and appliances are made with forever chemicals,

most cookware brands continue to use for chemical because they cost less reduced. However, our place has always been at PFS free and offers the most durable, toxin-free ceramic coatings, ensuring a healthy, safe cooking experience. I got to tell you, I love what they make. It is just really durable. It's beautiful. It looks great in my kitchen.

So I got a couple of things. I got the ultimate cookware set pro. So it's an eight-piece titanium always pro, perfect pot, all these things. And the colors are beautiful. They have this purple shade. They have like a gray. I have the tan. And they have all kinds of different like mixes and matches that you can just like,

you know, you can DJ your own experience. Yeah. They bakeware. I have their beautiful glassware. I got all these pinks and green colors. I got the knife block and I got some knives. I am just using those pots and pans like crazy.

I'm so obsessed in the pans. They come with a wooden spoon and it has like a little holder for it. Anyway, I'm obsessed. Game changer. They really thought about everything. Yeah. So everything comes in these beautiful colors.

And our place also came out with non-toxic. appliances that are changing the game. You guys are really going to want to check it out. Go to from our place.com and enter code GGE at checkout to receive 10% off sitewide. Our place offers a 100 day trial with free shipping and returns. That's 10% off sitewide when you go to from our place.com with code GGE at checkout. Okay. So it's a special day for you, Ashley.

Yes. So May 20th is what I consider to be my anniversary with my boyfriend a year. And I wanted to talk to you about this, too, and like what you consider your anniversary, because people have different schools of thought. And nothing's right or wrong. It's whatever you want to do in your relationship. But, you know, our story, just kind of the brief backstory, if you don't know. And I haven't really shared, like, all the nitty-gritty details on this podcast. Maybe one day he'll come on and we can tell it together.

But we met at a show in 2021 in Boston, show two of three, which we have three shows in December. So come to show two of three. That's the only one. There's tickets available to. And maybe you'll meet your man or your woman. You'll meet Ashes, man. He'll be there. He'll be there at all three.

He better be. And he's a special guest. So he came to a show and, you know, there's a long story and his best girlfriend had written in and been like, you know, our friends coming. He's a crush on Ashley. He had DM me months prior. He'd like slid to the DMs. He had seen us on a virtual show and just, you know, he liked my energy. That's the way L.A. people flirt, by the way, you guys say.

I love your energy. This comedian, I love Fahim Anwar says the guys just come up to you in Airwant and they're like, I really love your energy. So anyway, there's no bigger act for me. He loved my energy. So yeah, so I kind of, when I talk about the different ways we met, there's like this, we met a show, but technically you slid to my DMs, but I didn't see it until after the show. And it'd be funny if you marked your anniversary as that day. Yeah.

Like early 2021. And then the show was October, 2021. And then we DMs sporadically for the next couple years. And we reconnected at the show in Boston last year, May 20th. So really that was just the culmination of the season. incredible month last May. We did the Chicago Theater and we did Philly and D.C. And that was the final of like these big theater shows and this really incredible run. And I had gotten off the pill and I was horny and just feeling myself and live my best life. And I really do attribute some of it to that.

Yeah. I was like so happy and, you know, horny and like whatever. And I just DM'd him and was like, are you coming to the show? And he didn't come to the show, but he met up with us afterwards. And that kind of started this whole thing. So I like the day of the show as one thing because it was like the date of a show. Well, your anniversary to me is the day that like an inflection point where we had like a trajectory forward after that. So like if you meet somebody, you go on like one date and a month goes by, you don't hear from that person. Like that's not your anniversary. You know? If you sleep with somebody, if you go on your first day, you have your first kiss and then you guys are talking after that. If there's no like break in the relationship, that's your anniversary. Yeah. I love that

you put it like that. So we spent the night together that night and we. They have. they boned, if you will. We spent the night together. She's a lady now. We had a night of consensual pleasure. Neither one felt disrespected. Yeah, he was, you really disrespected. He laid it down that night, actually.

Yes. And then he never respected me again. Actually, he was like, I want you to disrespect me. And we talked every day since. Like, I will say that I don't think I ever woke up after May 20th and didn't have like a good morning text from him. Like, he, you know, we started kind of strong. And then we met up in New York three weeks later.

And we will have just been in New York this. past weekend kind of celebrating our anniversary and then you know we had the talk on july 8th if you've been along for the ride which was the day before my 40th birthday so that's kind of our three main dates but we really just love may 20th and you know the first night we were intimate and it's when it all started and it's when it was all like this is the thing and you know I woke up the next morning and I sir what I'm upset and I was like what if I'm sorry he couldn't fuck you well like we'll just on to the next city like I did not think you man, I'm sad.

I'm not going to see him again. Right. I mean, you want to tell the story? I mean, Tess and I were in the car and you, like, rolled out of the hotel. I was like, bitch is late again. We're just sitting outside of the hotel waiting for Ashley. And you got in the car and you were like, I'm sad, guys. And my first thought was like that it was a bad night.

Like he had done something shitty or like had a fight with you or like picked an argument. Oh, God. Or just we didn't have a good night. Yeah, you didn't have a good night. Or that he like couldn't really get it up, which has happened to me before because you're drinking late at night. I was just like, on to the next. And we were in the car and you were like, what am I going to do? Like, date somebody in Boston like this far.

We just moved to L.A. Like, what I mean, I was like long distance relationship with this person that like lives in Boston. And I was like, say, Lovie, it's over. Go on the next day. Well, you didn't even say the main thing. Basically, I said, like, I'm just feeling kind of sad. And Raina was like, oh, it's okay. Like, you know, I guess he couldn't fuck.

And I said, no, I just think I'm going to miss him. Yeah. Like, I made the mistake of telling him that months. later just a few months ago probably and he just loves that story because he thinks about that night. You made a mistake of telling him? No, like jokingly because he always brings it up that I said that.

No, I'm glad I told him that story. But we talk about what did you think the next morning? And he was just like, I would have never thought I was going to date you. I had a crush on you. I thought we would hook up, you know? But like obviously I wanted more and I was like, I'm going to try but I never would have dreamed this. And I was like, I never would have dreamed this either.

Like I knew there was something there. I knew that we really liked each other, but I certainly, the morning of May 21st, was not like, that's going to be my man. And especially at the beginning of, like, a long-distance relationship, there was all these, like, am I really going to do this? Like, we were going to New York for my birthday, and you were like, should I invite him? Yeah. You think you would come to your birthday? And, like, he just did. And it was then it was your birthday. And you were like, I think I'm invited him to my 40th birthday trip. And I was like, this crazy. Yeah. He's just going to come with, like, all of our best friends, this stranger. Like, what's he going to feel? How's he going to be? And it's just, I really

think you, like, believed in your own feelings and you took the leap and you really, like, a lot of people message us, especially with a long distance relationship episode. And people said, like, how do I even start one? And it's like, just lean into something that feels sort of happens. Just try, just see, you know, like, you don't have to have a long term plan day one, but like, it feels good and you can lean into it. And I don't think you asked yourself a ton of questions of like, well, what if this doesn't work out? You were like, I like this, I like this feels intentional. Let me just lean into this. And yeah, you could have brought him to your 40th birthday. And it didn't work out. And we would have looked back and said, like, good for you for inviting

a Hawkeye to your 40th birthday and getting laid and whatever. Totally. Except ever, you spent that whole trip all red-faced. Just flushed as fuck. I've never seen somebody freshly fucked for that amount of days. Yeah, I just thought that was like an interesting conversation like what you consider your anniversary. But I love like getting to this year point, you know, as we record, we're really, we're coming up on it. But like, I love when you hit that point and you can think about what you were doing the previous year. Like, it's just, you just, you know, it's just. You know, just nice. Like, for example, right now is like the basketball playoffs. You know, and I'm thinking about how last year we were talking about that. Like he was watching basketball. We were talking

about the Celtics, of course, because they're always crushing it. And it's just like, it's so cute to look back and be like, oh my gosh, you know, at the very beginning of this, when we didn't really know each other, we were talking about the Celtics games. And now here we are again, and look where we are and we're so in love. And, you know, I just, I couldn't be happier with him. I think he is, like, so wonderful. I really feel like I found my match. And he feels like that, too. And I have nothing but good things to say. And I think I've shared a lot on the podcast over the last year. And I've kept also some things like close to the vest or the chest?

Chest. The chest. Best. Not everybody wears a vest. Everybody's chest. I think it's best, though. It might be best. But my explanation made sense.

I actually loved your explanation. So I've kept some things. What is it does? Close to the best makes no sense. You already to explain to me why it's close to the best. I swear it's best. Oh, people say both. Are you more Ashley's friend or more Raina's friend?

Who wears more vests? That's real. The real day I wore a vest. Interchangeable. I think it might be a location thing like. Like Denver, it's vest. If you're in Midtown Manhattan, it's best. American versus European.

They said like the vest feels more European. It depends on which continent or your accent. Like someone's trying to say vest, but it scums out chest. Close to the chest. Anyway, and you know, I just, I love him. We have a great stable, healthy. relationship. I see a world in which he ends about here. That's what we've been talking about, and we've, you know, been making it work. I talked a lot about the relationship and how it works

on the long-distance relationship episode. We did a few months ago. And, you know, we made it. You guys have been along in the ride. Raina's been a part of it. A nice little group chat and group family. I love him. I couldn't imagine if you didn't get along with him. And here we are. You guys weren't be together anymore. It would be tough. No, I love him and I've loved seeing you in this relationship. up and I've seen like growth and patience in you. And we talked about it last week, but like this thing happened in Las Vegas, I think would have taken you down. But it just didn't.

And I've seen you become more, even more patient. Like you've always said like you've learned patience through like having a business partner like me also. And now you've like a romantic partner, a life partner. And you do have to just learn even more patience. I don't know that you describe yourself as the most patient person. You want to do what you want to do when you want to do it. And it's interesting to me to see you like fold a person into your life because I

always thought like, what is that going to look like? Because I never knew you in a relationship ever. So it's the day I met you. And I was just like, how does a person fit into her life? She is so family-oriented. She's so friend-oriented. She wants to go and do what she wants. Her career comes first.

How does a partner fit into this? And you not only allowed somebody to fit into it, but you found the right person to fit into it. Oh, thanks. Yeah. It's funny because he would describe me as patient, too. I'm like, that's crazy. That's crazy. But I think I've changed a lot.

I think I've relaxed a lot. And, like, I really just think that the right partner can enhance your life. in all the right ways. It can make you feel supported. It can make you really feel like you come into your own. It can motivate you in your career. It can do so much for you. You know, you and I are partners when we talk about this too. But a romantic partner, I think, that really supports you and adds a lot to your life can really enhance your life. And the wrong partner can really ruin your life. You know, like, and there's a lot of people who are just somewhere in between, you know, and I just want that for everybody. I feel like this has only enhanced my life

in all the right ways. And I've been in relationships before that took me out of my career and made me insecure about everything else I was doing in my life and, like, changed who I was for the worst. So I really think that's obviously a spectrum, but people truly bring out the best in you or the worst. And yeah, you know, I'm lucky that I found someone that's the good one. People talk about their attachment styles and they're like, but I'm just like really anxiously attach or I'm just really avoidant and I do think that the right or wrong partner can exacerbate different things. So like I even look at myself and I've like realized recently like I do have some pretty avoidant tendencies but I've had different partners bring out very different things in me.

I've had partners bring out really avoidant tendencies in me and I've other ones like really exacerbate some extremely anxious behavior that even I'm looking at myself going like what are you doing? This isn't you. Why are you like this? Yeah. That I'm just like I'm needy and I need more. I need a ton of assurance and I need somebody to like check in. I need so much verbal affirmation and you're looking top down to yourself going like, what are you doing? Who is this? And so I think the right partner will not pull out those really bad parts of you.

And they'll calm down the good parts. They'll make the good days better and the bad days better. And I think the relationships are hard, but it should feel easy to be a teammate with your partner. That's how I feel. Well, happy anniversary to you guys. And I love him very much. And I love you and I love you happy. I love you.

And you're welcome because I selected that email, I think, all those years ago. Yeah, it all stem from an email that we read at the show. And yeah, I couldn't tell you. So I'll give you credit. I don't remember it. I don't remember either. But we like emails and say like ex-person is obsessed with Ashley or Raina. So we picked it.

All right. Well, we have such a good episode today for you guys. Yes. But before that, I am just going to tell you guys about say. Okay, I got my say stuff because last time we talked about say, we were awaiting our makeup and so we got it. So Say is an award-winning clean and sustainable makeup brand sold exclusively at Sephora. So they are best known for their makeup essentials to deliver their iconic signature, say glow and effortless no makeup makeup look with nourished happy skin and a lit from within

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you know, we love that. Doey. Name of my dog. And the, the, SPF 35, Tendomoisters, all the stuff. You guys are going to be obsessed with it. So check it out. Go online and take the quiz and see what they match you with. And then you can shop, say, now at Sephora. Yes. So let's talk about drinking a little bit.

I do not bounce back like I used to after a night of drinks. Vegas took me out for like three days. And I feels like sometimes I have to make a choice of like having a great night out or having a great next day. And then I found Zbiotics, you guys. And we have a deal for you. Go to Zibiotics.com to get 50. 15% off your first order when you use GGE at checkout.

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It doesn't matter what I consume, if I take a walk, if I take a nap, if I find other ways of finding pleasure. My day is ruined. And so I really am so glad I found this. I drink it before my first drink, whether it's like, you know, tequila or a wine girl. And you wouldn't believe how on top of my game I feel the very next morning. Vacations, weddings, birthdays, reunions. There's so much going on.

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clarity, the pronunciation. Okay, guys, we are very excited to welcome a guest today. He is an entrepreneur, an investor, a creator, and an active investor in a hundred plus private companies. Yo, that's crazy. He has millions of followers across Instagram, Twitter, and his bi-weekly newsletter, The Curiosity Chronicles, where he discusses all things, business, finance, entrepreneurship, and just overall growth and motivation tactics.

We are so excited to have him here today. Please welcome to the show, Saw Hill Bloom. Thank you for having me. great. And we've had fun before the show even started, so I can't imagine what we're going to get into. Yeah. I know. This is great. You showed up early. Yeah. My wife is going to kill me for that. Really? Because I feel like my whole life, I've like, yeah, every dinner party, this is like a, I think it's a female thing, by the way. I don't have any issue showing up early to someone's house. Like, if they're having a dinner party, and it's at 6 p.m. And I show up at 5.55. I don't see any issue

with that. But I literally, like, I've gone to things. And my wife is like, you have to drive around the block for the next six minutes because we can't show up on time. And like, I never knew that that was, I thought it was polite to show up early to stuff, but apparently not. When it comes to women, there's like, we're not ready. You know what I mean? Like, if a guy were to pick you up for a date two and a half minutes early, I'm like, how dare you?

You know, like, that's insane. Right, like, that's two more minutes I had like planned out. He texted me. I was upstairs naked, straightening my hair and I was like, Tesla, like, we'll have this guy in. But you landed and came straight here, right? Which I told you to do. I landed and came straight here. And, yeah, to be fair, you.

You did say that I could show up early. I am gaslighting real. 30 minutes early was definitely a little aggressive. But like I walked over from Aeroon where I got completely ruined by a bunch of people because I was like standing in the wrong spot. It was my first time in heroin. It's intimidating. That whole place.

Everyone looks like a freaking model. Yeah. Which is one thing. Yeah. You can't relate. And then two, you like, if you stand in the wrong place, a bunch of people yell at you. Like I got yelled at twice in five minutes. Tensions are high.

Yeah. People are angry. It's lunch hour at Aeroon. You don't want to fuck with people. No. You don't want to fuck with people. 10 a.m. I go. Yeah.

It honestly is like a place where you really need to know what's going on or it's intimidating. I've never attempted that, like, salad bar, hot bar line. That's what I tried to do. Like, I get my grab and go. No, if you don't know the rules, I would never. I started penetrating the hotline because I go five days a week. I am in the culture. I am the culture.

I have three, I have three tote bags and the sweatshirt. I have the merch from Arawan. So like now I feel like I'm there. But it took me like a year to penetrate the hot bar line. The penetrate. The use of the word penetrate. A lot. The bar line is a lot right now.

But also, by the way, you probably spent like $250,000 in a year there because I got a bottle of water and I got a cold brew. And I swear to fucking God, it was $32 or something. It better be laced with gold for what I just paid for this stuff. Yeah, it comes the blowjob. Say suck your dick on the way out. So speaking of, you've been with your wife since high school. Starting in hot. So she sounds like she's strange right though.

We're raw dog in this podcast. Yeah, we're raw dog on the podcast. I don't like people to show early. Except for you, everybody shows early here. They do. Tyler Cameron was 30 minutes early. We like to hang with people. Okay, but can we talk about flights landing early?

Hot take. If a flight takes off on time, it's landing early. Because they built in the time. I've been like 30 minutes away from picking my boyfriend up, for example. And he's like, I'm here. I'm like, oh, my God. No one's ready. I have to tell you crazy airport behavior.

And then we're going to get into you. Go, please. I was picking up Rob at the airport the other day. And he's like, I land at 712 or whatever. So I was like, great. I'll be there at 7.30 to pick you out because he's like deplane or whatever. Normal people text you when they've landed. Rob just texted me at 715.

I'm standing at column 2A. That is on edge. That is crazy, baby. Not I'm already outside. I've had the pickup column. Not the column. Oh my gosh. You're like, oh, I was, I'm not even in the car.

I was like, are you good? You better get to that Uber lot. This is not information anybody needs. Yeah. Closest I've ever come to a divorce or break. by the way, was literally because of an airport pickup where I was driving. I got there way too early and then I had to circle San Francisco airport like 17 times while she was like getting dressed in the, you know, because she like probably got on a long flight. She was trying to look nice

where we hadn't seen each other in a while. Now I can like look back on it and be like I was being ridiculous. The fact that I had to circle and the cops keep coming over to you and they're like, no, you got to circle. You can't wait here. You got to go around. I was just like, oh my God. Was she in the airport? She just wanted to glam. Yeah, she was doing her makeup. We hadn't seen each other in three months. I get it. I guess. Listen,

I'm on her side. I relate. I was picking up an ex of mine. It was like Christmas fucking day. And I knew he had landed and he wasn't coming out and he was like, I'm in Hudson News. I'm like, I will murder you. Why are you?

Why are you looking at People magazine right now? He loved a Hudson News so much. It was a Hudson News slut. And why are you, Hudson News is for departures, not a rival. Get outside. What kind of chaos is that? That's a call up to a way. What was he doing in Hudson News?

He just loved it so much. I don't want to love. Love it. to be in the airport. He's got to hit it on the way in and out. My dad, by the way, my dad is almost 70-year-old white male, and my dad loves People magazine. And so if you go to an airport, my dad literally like every flight he's taken, he's a professor at Harvard. My dad is not like, you know, some random guy. He's literally like a tenured professor at Harvard who sits with his legs crossed on airplanes and reads People

Magazine. And I love it. I love the shit out of that for him. But he might have been in Hudson News. He would have been in your mom circling the airport. Like, fuck you. Anyway. Originally, Ashley sent me a clip of yours, and we were just like, this is fantastic, and I've been listening to you on another podcast. Your story, and we are going to talk about dating stuff with you, but your story in general of how you got here is, like, really interesting. So can we just, like, talk a little bit about, like, who you are, what you do, how you got here? Yeah, sure. I was an athlete, so I played baseball my whole life.

And I got a scholarship to play in college. I played at Stanford out in California from 2009 to 2013. And then I basically, like, my whole life was built around, I mean, I can say this in hindsight, like, was built around. my own insecurity and wanting to be impressive to other people. So like every decision that I make when I look back on it was built around this desire to be externally impressive. Like I wanted to go get the job that sounded good and fancy on paper, even if it wasn't the thing that I really loved or wanted to do because I wanted people to pat me on the back. And the whole thing was just built around like this house of cards of I'm not impressive to myself and I don't feel impressive. So I'm

to fill that with a whole bunch of like external affirmation. I want a bunch of people telling me I'm great or telling me I'm hot or telling me I'm successful or rich or whatever the thing is to try to fill the fact that I didn't feel impressive and that I was miserable. And I assumed, and I think a lot of people assume this, that eventually you'll get enough of those external affirmations that you will all of a sudden, you'll wake up one day and you'll be like, oh, I've arrived. Everything's great.

I feel awesome about myself. And when you mature, you realize that's obviously not the case. And it just took me a long time to get to that. So I spent seven years working in finance, like 80 to 100 hour weeks, rising through the ranks, making more and more money. Everything was good. But on the surface, everything looked good. And under the surface, everything was falling apart. So I was like, I mean, if you saw me back then, we can put up a picture in the show notes.

Oh, yeah. You look different. Yeah. I look pretty different. Yeah. I was pretty overweight. Skin was really bad. Like, my relationships were really suffering with my wife, with my parents, with my friends.

Like, I just wasn't present. I was constantly stressed. I wasn't sleeping. Basically, like, everything else about my life was falling apart other than the things that we all consider success, like making money and whatever, promotion. So, I mean, my journey was like I had to kind of find my identity again. Who was I actually in order to change? When did you have that realization that you'd just been looking for external validation?

It was like May of 2021. So about three years ago. Not that long ago. No, three years. And that was like when I started writing and started doing it. all of these things. But basically, I had a conversation with a friend, an old friend. We went out for a drink.

And he asked me how life was going. And you know, you give the like, oh, I'm good, busy. Right. That's what everyone says. And you're trying to like, it's kind of like the little, yeah, the little like flex that people do at the cocktail party because like being busy makes you sound important and impressive. And he kind of looked at me like, all right, dude, what the fuck?

Like, what is it actually? You're an old friend. And I told him that being far away from my family, it started to wear on me. I'm really close with my parents. My dad in particular has always like been something. someone that I've really looked up to. He's been like, my guy, my mentor my whole life. And they're getting older. And he said, well, how often do you see them? And said once a year, he was like, how old are they? I said mid-60s. He was like, okay, so you're going to see them 15 more times

before they die. Oh, my gosh. And I remember just like in an instant feeling like my whole world had been flipped. And I had a full-on panic attack that night. I don't know if you've ever experienced a panic attack. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. You can't breathe. You feel like you're dying. I couldn't get up off the floor. Woke up the next morning on the floor. Couldn't move.

Like the lowest low I've ever experienced in my life. Triggered by a whole buildup of events that got brought to a head by this one comment. And that day, I had the conversation with my wife that I thought we should move back to the East Coast. So we were living in California at 3,000 miles away. Got it. Yes. Within 45 days, I had quit my job. We sold her house in California and bought a house on the East Coast to move back.

to be closer to family. And so, like, that was really the, I mean, just, like, rip the fucking Band-Aid off, change everything. And then made, like, lifestyle changes. Yeah. I mean, like, the journey with all of these things is always the, like, tiny little steps. It's dramatic in hindsight, but the, like, the tiny little changes of, like, I was drinking six nights a week, probably at the time, partially because my lifestyle was,

I had to go out for all these dinners and drinking wine and drinking whiskey. And it was, like, with the guys and finance doing the whole, like, you know, guys being guys type thing. And I need to start making slow, steady changes, like just moving for 15 or 30 minutes a day rather than being sedentary all the time, not drinking six days a week. And all of that has kind of built up to a whole bunch of change over the course of a couple years. So can you talk about these small changes? I was listening to you on a podcast talk about this. And I think sometimes you get advice from people and it feels a little like all or nothing. You got to work out six days a week. It's got to be an hour. You got to quit drinking completely.

And I think you made really small changes. You didn't quit drinking. You drank a little bit. you don't work out an hour a day. It's like, what, 15 minutes sometimes? So can you talk about that a little bit? I generally just hate extremes. And I feel like especially now, like, the whole like health and wellness space has become this thing of like, oh, you need the 10 step protocol on all the different things. And by the way, like sleep is a common one.

Like everyone has like their 30 step protocol to sleep now. And like if I do 30 step protocols to sleep, I'm going to be staring at the fucking ceiling all night because I'm going to be thinking about sleeping. And you can't like, you're not going to get the thing if you're thinking about it. It's like staring at a kettle. It's not going to boil. Yeah. I call it my ABC system with this stuff, which I basically just mean your A goal for any given

area is like the best case. So say I want to work out for an hour a day. Say that's like my best case scenario when I feel great. I can work out for an hour. Well, that's not always going to happen because sometimes I'm going to feel like shit. Sometimes work is going to be crazy. Sometimes I'm going to be up all night with kid. You know, you're going to have stress, whatever the thing is.

So having a B goal, which is like a step off of that, it's more of like a baseline. line that maybe that's like, I'm going to work out for 30 minutes or I'm going to do 30 minutes of movement. And then a C goal, which I can do on any day no matter how terrible I feel, like to go for 15 minute walk, whatever it is. That has helped me in so many areas of life to just have like three levels, anything above zero compounds positively. So if my goal with like a relationship is I want to, you know, spend an hour with someone on a daily basis, that's not always going to happen, but knowing that a five-minute phone call is doing something positive and in the right direction, having that within any area of your life, I've found as, like, an

incredible way to just make progress without it being unbelievably intimidating at all times. I love that for, yes, literally anything. You could do that with dating, even trying to find a partner. You know, the goal is like, I go on this many dates a week or whatever, like the A, the B is just like do something on an app, whatever it may be in the C. I don't know. Like, I like that you could break it down, like in that way. and the C is just like I talk to a new person at the grocery store.

Like because we always say when people are like, how do you achieve your goals and stuff? We're like just something that's moving the goalpost forward a little bit. It doesn't have to be so extreme. Totally. It seems really much more sustainable. And I like the idea of kind of grouping these things together a little bit. Like I don't meditate, but I do want to find a way to be like active and also take some time for myself. So like I'll take a walk for 30 minutes without my phone, without headphones.

So I can like listen. I'm present with like the smells. I'm not on. I'm not social media and texting and all that. So like I'm exercising. and I'm taking a break. I don't know that I see myself spending an hour or 30 minutes in silence, meditating, and I've never really been able to be good at it,

but a walk can feel sort of meditative to me. Yeah, I can't meditate. I think people who can meditate are psychopaths. I think it's unbelievable, like Mr. Miyagi, like you can sit there and be like that silent with yourself. I go completely nuts if you try to get me still. It's crazy if you think back on it. Like in school,

I was probably the kid that like was fidgeting constantly and moving around and you get forced to sit. Like that's what we do with kids that are fidgety in school. reality is that most people, maybe not most people, a lot of kids or adults, just can't, you're like not wired to sit still and be that way. But yet we're forcing those kids like when they're bad, you're forcing them to sit still and it's just making it worse. Yeah. I mean, we grew up in a different time where we had like full ass recess every day, gym, all the things. But then you're just going back to do math, sweaty. That was a weird time. You know, you're just like, I just played like

laser tag and not going to do math. But at least you get it out of your system, whatever. But I Have you seen the memes about like elementary school was crazy? Like a girl would be breaking up with you just because there was a guy that was faster than you on the playground. I literally lost my mind. That's true. Stealing someone's girl just by running faster than I'm in a race. There's no social media back then.

Okay. Well, we are just going to take a quick break and then we will get right back into it. Guys, we have a problem with base. We can't stop buying base stuff. It's a huge thing. I just bought like another thing that I already have. Now I have two. I just can't stop.

You and I carried on bags the other day, and I was just like, Ashley, I got to get the new base carry on. I just, I can't do this anymore. It's the only thing I don't have from base, and I bought that too. Got to catch them all. So we are just so obsessed, and I am going to tell you about the east to west, because we talk a lot about like the suitcases and then the weekend or the mini-weekender, but this is their new east-west. They also have a north-the-south. They're just a little, like, they're the ones taller, north-the-south, or east-to-west. Like, it's very cute. So we got the east-to-west, which I actually, I think that I prefer. I just kind of like that wider look, but they're all amazing. I took my east to west to Santa Barbara a couple weeks ago.

It was a two-night, three-day trip. It was the perfect size to put my clothing, a little bit of toiletries, my computer. It had a bag for the computer. It has a compartment for my water bottle, everything. Perfect size. Yes, we got both of ours in the beige color. So as you can tell, we love our base pieces and we have an offer for you. Go to base travel.com slash gge for 15% off your first purchase.

So everything they have is so gorgeous. and functional. Again, we love the cushion handles on the suitcases, the built-in weight indicator, and then the washable bags for the dirty clothes are incredible. But the East to West, like Raina said, so it has these features like the padded laptop sleeve, place for your water bottle, zipper pockets, and even an extra removable strap. If you want to wear it as a cross-body, and I just love it. Like, it doesn't really look like luggage, you know, but obviously it's a perfect carry-on, but you can just take it if you have like a big day and you need to bring your laptop and a change of clothes, whatever. And it has hundreds of five-star reviews. You know it's good. It's actually made entirely out

of recycled plastic water bottles. We love that. It's sustainable. So base is just incredible. We love the weekender. I just bought a mini-weekender because they had this like collab and it was this red color and I had to have it. And so whether you're packing for a quick trip or looking to breeze through the security line, base has your personal items covered. And I feel like when you're in the airport, you know those base people. You're like, oh my God, because we saw the girl in Vegas with the red suitcase to match by mini-weekender. We're stopping in the hallways. We're like, oh, my God, we love that. So we were just like, we have the same stuff. You're just like base bitches recognize.

Yes, base bitches. That's so true. We are base sick bitches. Right now, base is offering our listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting base travel.com slash gge. That's b-eis-travel.com slash g-ge. Yes. And are you guys getting enough protein in your diet?

Because I love protein. I really do. And I'm always looking for healthy protein because it keeps me full longer. And whether it's for weight management, better metabolism, hormone regulation, bone health, the benefits of a high protein diet are abundant. but most of us aren't getting enough protein in our diet as is. It's a real problem. Enter CHOMPS.

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So I'm just like looking through their site because they really just offer all the different kinds of jalapino beef stick. Salt and Pepper Venison sticks. Yeah. Pepperoni season turkey sticks. So if you want to do turkey, Italian-style beef stick. They have smart snacks to the original beef stick. But it's all really tasty and there's so much variety. There's zero sugar, 12 grams of protein.

It's low carb. As we mentioned, it comes in three different kinds of meat and then 10 delicious bold flavors. There's a healthy snack option, literally for everyone. Sustainably sourced meat. And you can get a variety pack of everything. So you can just catch them all. They even have smaller chomp sticks for a quick snack.

You can order choms online or have them to live. delivered straight to your door. You can even subscribe for ongoing savings. Right now, Choms is offering our listeners 20% off your first order and free shipping when you go to chops.com. That's C-H-O-M-P-S dot com slash G-G-E. Don't forget to use our link so they know we sent you. Okay. I want to talk about your wife because what a ride or die. I mean, like, you guys have a unique relationship and that you've been together since high school. I find that unique these days. But you've been through so much the move and you said you felt unhappy with yourself and your body and where you were in life. and it's just you can share as much or as little as you like, but we're ups and downs in the relationship, or how do you guys stay so steadfast? Like, I'm just, I'm fascinated by this, you've changed a lot since high school, so is she. There's so much I could say about my wife.

My wife is unbelievable. Yeah, it sounds like it. The thing that I think is most unique is your life has these seasons, and our relationship has like transcended all of these big changes and seasons in our life. And we were long distance for a long period of time. Then we were together. and I was sort of, you know, going down this dark path. The fact that we have been able to grow through all of that, I would attribute to her exclusively. The willingness for someone to sit in the mud with you

is one of the most unbelievably rare traits that you can find in a friend or in a romantic partner. I mean, you might have five people in your entire life as long as you live that are willing to truly sit in the mud with you. Most people, it's like when it's good, they're here, right? And times are sunny and it's summer and everything. things beautiful and the birds are chirping and then it's great. And when the mud and when it's shitty and when it's bad when you're in the darkness, they're kind of gone or like that initial

struggle comes and they're just not there. My wife has always been someone who is willing to sit in the mud with me. And that I think has just been what's allowed our love to grow over the years rather than just being like, you know, you have the falling phase and then that's over and now what's left. It's like your whole life has to be about growing in love and all these changes that happen. And we've had more changes than most people over what hasn't been even that long of a period of time. Yeah. I mean, I want to kind of fast forward then for a second to like you sent us topics. And one of them is about maintaining a long-term relationship.

And you talked about communicating appreciation to another person. And something that struck me about your website when I was going through it is when I was reading the about me, the very first like sort of block says like, I think my life. And it's a photo of your wife and your son before any of the business accomplishments. It's just like this beautiful photo of them. And then it really struck me that like that is such a special way to communicate appreciation to her. But I just want you to kind of like expand on the appreciation. Yeah. I mean, my number one piece of relationship advice to anybody is to tell your partner one thing you appreciate about them every single day.

And it sounds silly and it sounds simple, but there's something so powerful about actually vocalizing appreciation. Because what happens, especially after you've been with someone for a long time, but even at the beginning, is. The appreciation becomes the baseline, so you don't say it. And you only vocalize things that are down off the baseline, the negatives. You say, like, when you're in a fight or when something annoys you about the person or whatever. And if you don't vocalize the things that are great on a daily basis, you have nothing to offset the stuff that is crappy that naturally happens. You get into fights. You're going to argue about things.

You're not going to agree. That's fine. But you have to vocalize the good. And I have personally found, especially since our son was born, which, you know, he's turning two now, there are. so many changes that happen in a woman's life after kids, changes in their body and changes in their hormones and changes in how they feel and comfort in their own skin and all these things. And if you're not vocalizing how amazing you think the person is during that period, I can see why 80% of married couples say their relationship got worse in the year after having a kid.

That's why, right? It's because there's all these changes happening. You have to communicate along the way about the appreciation that exists. And if you don't, a lot of bad. happens. Absolutely. I love that. I love the one piece of a relationship advice. Again, because it's very, like, not so extreme. It's like, let's start here. Yeah. And it can be a tiny thing. Like, people are like, oh, you know, like appreciation. What? It's going to be the same thing every day. Like, normally I am the one that deals with the trash or whatever in the house. She changed the trash back one day. I'm like, that was awesome. Like, I really, I saw it. There was a fresh trash. There's something, by the way, like getting old, one of the things that surprises me about getting old is like the stupid shit.

that I just am like, oh, that was so nice. Like a soap dispenser that's filled. Or like a trash. I'm like, oh, that trash bag, it looks so nice and clean. It's like the embarrassing stuff about getting old, but it's real. No, it's like the little things. It makes a huge difference. And everyone talks about compounding and how important it is in your health or in your finances

or all these other things. It's exact same in a relationship. Like these tiny little things compound, but you need to actually vocalize them in order for that to happen. Definitely. And it never stops being important. The best relationships, the most in love I ever felt, with people that just told me they were proud of me

and that I looked nice today and I think it's really important to like never stop doing that and like seeing your partner as though you are dating, you know? You wrote something, you wrote biggest reasons, relationships deteriorate. Do you think, is that because people stop doing that? When you stop recognizing the good, everything goes to shit.

And I think it's the same for your life, by the way. Like relationships are a natural place where we see this happen. But if you stop recognizing the good in your own life, like if you're a journal or I don't know if either one of you likes journal, One of the things I do every day is I write down one win from the day, one point of gratitude, and then one thing that's stressful, like one point of stress or tension. And the whole point of doing that is like, I'm not a good journaler. I know I'm not going to sit down for 30 minutes in journal.

That takes like two minutes, but it makes sure that I'm actually recognizing one thing that went well, like a win, something tiny that I got done, something that I was grateful for, and then something to get off my mind, like the stress or whatever it is. when you do that, you make sure that you're not forcing yourself to some insane standard. Like you're allowing yourself to celebrate good enough on days when good enough is actually incredible for your life. You said something in one of your videos I was watching earlier. I forget how you phrased it. You were like the one piece of advice you could tell people is just to not complain. Yeah.

But I love to complain. That's our whole friendship. We just talk shit on other people. Also, we do. I feel like we're nice to each other and it's important that we like appreciate each other. Well, and, like, Rain and I are the first people to say, like, when people just complain constantly about their place in life, their job, their relationship, like, we have no tolerance for it. Like, you got to make a change and you have to, like, be in charge of your own happiness. So we're of that.

We talk shit. We're not complaining. Yeah, there's a difference between complaining. And, like, I would say what you're doing is, like, it's an emotional outlet. Like, yeah, you're, but it's like, it's fun, right? Like, you're getting it off and it's, like, a way of de-stressing by just, like, talking shit about the thing. I mean, it's the exact same as me writing down the thing that's stressful or talking about a piece of paper. Right.

Right. I just so wouldn't hear you speak on it because it made me laugh because I was like, man, we'd love to complain. But if you were complaining to me about the same thing every day for like a month, if you complained me about your boyfriend, your job, you might be like, is she fucking serious? Yeah. And you don't do that. We just talk shit. We also complain, let it out, really have that catharsis and then fix it if it needs fixing. But I just want to hear you.

There's an action that follows. I mean, my whole thing with complaining is if you can control the thing, do something about it. So there's this like old parable, I think like captures this whole idea really well, which is like, I'm going to misstate it now. Blame someone, blames themselves. Yeah, exactly. It's like, so he who blames others has a long way to go on the journey. He who blames himself is halfway there.

And he who claims no one has already arrived. And it's this whole idea, like, don't complain about anything. And it's an important rule for life because if you're complaining, you're just giving too much power to the thing. If it's within your control, go do something about it. And if it's not, stop giving your energy to the thing. Right. Because you can take that same an energy.

and just direct it towards the thing that you can control. Yeah. Yeah. I have a friend in my life, and it's always job-related, and every time I hear a talk about her sort of professional station in life, it's everybody else's fault. It's the people around her. It's her clients. It's the algorithm.

It's the social media. It's always the algorithm. It's always something else other than looking at your own content, looking at you happy, creating more, being better. And it's very easy to look at problems and blame everybody else. and that's fun for a while. But like when everything else is the problem, then you have to start to look inwards,

which is your stuff too. Yeah. I mean, it's like that, it's that meme of the like person looking in the mirror and it's like the mirror pointing back at them and saying like, you know, it's like,

the algorithm is the problem. And it's like, no, your content just sucks or whatever the thing is, right? Like we all need to, I think in general, we just need to hold ourselves to the fire a little bit more

on these things. And again, I totally separate that from like venting and the fun that comes from that and following that up with action. to the same, like, I mean, you said that, right? If you heard her venting about the exact same thing every day and not doing anything about it, you're complaining about, I mean, I see it with people all the time.

It's like, if you were eating a food and it made you feel sick and you were like sick to your stomach throwing up, you would probably stop eating that food. And yet, you have people that are making you feel sick when you spend time with them, and you're still spending time with the person. Like your body is telling you something about the food the same way as it is about the person, but we're not listening to our body about the person, but we're listening. to it about the food. It makes no sense. So like if a person is making you feel sick, stop spending time with them, stop opening up to them in the same way. It seems logical,

but we still do it. And it's like, it's crazy to me. I have friends that complain to me about, you know, someone in their life, some friend that makes them feel drained, some like, you know, relationship that they don't need to be in. Just like, you can go make a change. That's actual, you can go change that. Even with family, people are like, well, I have to, you know, spend time with this family member. You don't need to open up to the family member if you know that they're toxic. If you know that they're toxic. If you know that they hurt you create a boundary around it. Well, this kind of leads me into the topic we wanted to ask you, and then we can kind of

go back and talk about some like dating, toxic behavior and stuff. But we did have on our list how you say your romantic partner is what the most important decision you could make in your life, which I think is tying everything together in terms of your wife and also people who are bad for you. And so we believe that and nothing will ruin your life more than a toxic romantic relationship. So we just wanted to hear you speak on that. Yeah. I mean, who you choose to partner with in life. And I think that that's typically a romantic partner determines all of your happiness and misery

that you're going to have. And choosing well, choosing someone who you can grow in love with. I said that earlier, this is an important distinction, and I've talked about this before. There's an enormous difference between falling in love and growing in love. And we live in this day and age where social media has convinced us that the falling is what

is. It's like the Instagram vacations. It's the beautiful manicured pictures, the lightroom edited, everything looking perfect, the beautiful date nights, whatever, nobu, wherever we are near here. And the reality is like, that is not what life is. Life is much more about sitting on the couch, doing nothing with the person. And you need to find someone who you are excited to do nothing with. Sure. You need to find someone who you can grow with who will sit in the mud with you like I talked about with my wife and be there during those different seasons and the changes that happened. And if you find that right person and if you focused on, you know, what I think of as like

something deeper than just physical attraction in life, these like layers of attraction that you can have with a person, that choice can lead you to all the happiness that you want and want to find. Yeah. I mean, we've seen people entire social lives crumble because of a romantic partner. They're not doing good at their job. their health is suffering. You know,

everything sort of takes a backseat when that primary relationship isn't in like a positive place and is really just like stripping you of all your happiness. And conversely, you know, I think that you can find a partner that enhances your life

in all those ways. They freeze you up creatively. It brings friends to your life and travel, introduces you to new things, do cuisines, things like that. And so I really, I'm talking about me. New cuisine. I'm like, I can take you out of food crawl.

That's so funny. That's so specific. They introduce you to new cuisine. that's me. I know, I know. I'm like, I'm the best partner. I mean, everyone is so afraid. If you haven't found that person,

you shouldn't feel the need to like be in a relationship just for the sake of it, right? It's like everyone is so afraid of being alone. I think it was Robin Williams that said, I used to think that the worst thing in the world was ending up alone, but it's not. It's actually ending up with people

who make you feel alone. And I remember hearing that and be like, it makes so much sense when you hear it articulate. it that way. But it's something that like more people need to hear and actually appreciate and understand. Oh, nothing is worse than being with somebody that makes you feel terrible. I go to bed every night perfectly fine. Yeah. But I mean, you know, Rain and I've talked about this too. I mean, I am a romantic relationship now. Raina's been in them before and I haven't been, you know, but we have our own partnership and when we travel the world together, obviously we work together,

we spend holidays together. Our families are ingrained in one another. So like that partnership is really important too. I mean, it's the most definitive relationship in my life. to speak of is the one that I have with her. And so, like, it's really important that that stays healthy and, you know, we only, like, make each other better. I just, what we have seen happen, though, like, on the flip side of just romantic relationships now, it just really is a slow drip of, like, ruining who you are. Yeah, I mean, it also just speaks to the fact that, I think I said it briefly, but, like,

partnership isn't just romantic relationships. It's, like, finding partners for life to go on life's journeys with, whether it's business or whether it's, you know, friends or whatever. whatever that is, it's finding those people that you can go on life's journey with. It's the same reason that loneliness doesn't look the same for everybody. You can feel lonely in a crowded room surrounded by friends because you don't feel like any of them actually know who you are. I had tons of friends when I was on my journey in finance. I hadn't opened up to any of them about these things because I'm a guy and I thought I had to be tough. And I came from an athlete

background and I couldn't vocalize that I was depressed or I couldn't vocalize that, you know, I had these fears about my own, you know, like existential crises around who I was and my identity. Like, I just couldn't. So I felt lonely even though I had tons of friends. So one of the things I think is, like, really important is feeling like you're on a team and presenting like a united front to the world, whether it's business with like me and Ashley or with your romantic partner because I think you see people that they're clearly like there's contempt and they're fighting against each other.

And one of the things I love about like our relationship is like we're always a united front. Nobody's ever going to see like behind that curtain. Like even this morning we kind of had a difference of opinions about something. We were like voicing me back and forth about like before we go into this meeting, let's have United Front. Let's be on the same page. Like Ashley and I are always like United Front team. And I never feel like I'm in public with somebody who's like fighting against me ever. And I think it's like really important. And romantic relationships too because you're with those couples that are just like telling you about a fight they had earlier. And what they talked about therapy. And you're just like, I don't need to be. And she's like on therapy. He said. And you're like, oh, I don't want to be here for this. Yeah. So I had this conversation literally with a friend who's getting married soon like a few days ago. And.

He comes from a Muslim family and his wife is Christian. And his mom is like really putting up a lot of walls around this relationship and around the wedding. And she is, the mom is clearly like it's a power thing. She's asserting power firstborn son getting married and creating a whole lot of challenges with the wedding planning, really around like alcohol being out the wedding is the thing that she's attaching on to. She's saying it's for religious reasons, but really it's a power thing underneath the surface. And so he was asking me for advice. The wife now is like, it's creating problems with the mom and the relationship.

There's all this tension before the wedding has even happened. And what I told him was, your wife needs to know that you are 1,000% on her side. And it has to be that way because you cannot start your marriage on the foot of like trying to play both sides with your mom and with the woman that you're going to spend the rest of your life with. You have to be team wife. And that is your life from now on. And if you're not willing to do that, you should. get married because you have to have the united front and like i've said that with my wife when like

you know mother-in-laws are a pain like that's a thing mother-in-law because it's their like especially with a son it's like that's my son marrying a girl like mother-in-law's are a pain your wife has to know that you are a team wife there can never be a question because that unified front is everything well now i got to know if they're going to have alcohol they ended up like segmenting the wedding so like the yeah basically so there's no alcohol at the part that the mother-in-law is is hosting and like paying for, which is a good compromise. I was like, that's smart. And he was like, I let my wife know. Love that compromise. Yeah. And I let my wife know that it's me and her and we're in the battle together. And I told her like, my mom's being crazy. I was like,

dude, just tell her mom's being crazy. Just say that. Because then she'll know you're on her side. Like, that's good. That is my number. That's always been my number one thing. Like, I could deal with tough family members. I mean, it's mostly going to be family members. I guess there's a world on which it's like friends or whatever. But as long as you can recognize it. Like, that's the thing. I would never. expect someone to like really like go against their family. This isn't something I've really run into. But I did have an ex where it was just, you know, I really disagreed with like his family, politically even. And I didn't need to fight with anybody at the dinner table. But I needed him to at least

recognize to me. Like I know. And like I'm with you. And it's just something about that of like recognizing it, you know. It's like there's two types of listening. There's me listening and then there's you listening. And me listening is what we normally default to, which is like I'm talking right now. and in your mind, you're thinking how anything I'm saying relates to you, and you're kind of just waiting for your chance to speak. So, like, me listening is when we're in an argument or we're having a discussion, and I'm just waiting for my chance to speak. And then you listening is like, I'm actually hearing you.

I'm actually understanding what you're saying. I'm thinking about how the things are making you feel and how it's interacting with your world, and I'm actually understanding you. And so when you find yourself in a relationship and you notice that you're just sitting there waiting to speak, that's always going to lead down a bad path. Yeah. You need to be actually like, you know, you're waiting to speak versus listening to understand. It's going through a different filter and you're also going to miss something.

Even if it's not a conflict, it's just like a regular conversation. You can like miss things that people say because you can't do both. You can't fully digest something someone says and also be thinking about what you're about to say next. Like I don't think you can. Because it's like if your only filter is like, I'm going to win this. You're not hearing what the other person's going to. Or you're literally mapping out your next thing you're going to say. Yeah.

So I called you yesterday. And I was like, what do you want to talk about? And you said, I want to talk about unhinged male dating behavior in this day and age. It was the first thing out of your mouth. And I was like, fuck yes, let's go. So that's what we're going to talk about for the rest of the episode. And by the way, I don't know if this is only me. I can only relate to the male side because I just see it from too many of my friends.

So you'll have to tell me if it's also an unhinged female behavior. We're not. We're in our own way. We have the expertise on that. So take it away. Can you tell how old you are? I'm 33. Okay.

So I'm trying to like put an perspective of like your male. friends are around that age. Yeah, all around that age. And at various maturity levels in that age range, I don't know. That's a crazy age. It is. Because that's how old my boyfriend is also. But friends are married with kids.

Yeah. And then friends are single and feral. But most of the kids are settled down, but he still has. So it's just like, there's no rhyme or reason to like early to mid-30s. I mean, there's nothing more unhinged than a 33-year-old bachelor party. Like this age range bachelor party, because you literally have like Christian guys that have six kids and are like, have been. promised to marriage since they were 12, alongside, like, the most degenerate fucking 33-year-old,

like, I want to go do Coke and just, like, meet all the strippers in the world. Wild aid. It's wild. I mean, it's funny to see the ones that actually have been, like, caged animals for a while with the kids and the white. They're the craziest ones on the basketball parties. And our live shows, moms. Underrated, underrated call right there.

Moms in our live shows. My college friends, like, they're all married with kids. And, like, they're more calmed down with those first few. girls trips when they were like newer moms. I was like, they are drinking me under the table. Remember all my friend of Charleston? She was like, I'll take a bottle of Pinoa for me. She just for her before I had one sip of alcohol. She finished a share. She was like, that's my what I'm having during dinner. That was her appetizer. And it's so funny because we used to party together and get drunk, but they've like surpassed me. Having kids is great. Having kids is great.

Don't worry about it. You should definitely have kids. I love my kids. I love my kids. But that's also when they're away from the kids Because I can't imagine parenting hungover. Oh my God. I couldn't do it. I don't think anyone else to do that. Okay. So what led you to this stance?

I mean, my number one pet peeve with guys trying to date is making this unbelievably long list of traits that they want to find in a woman. But they don't embody a single one of those traits themselves. Go off king. I mean, I have too many friends that have done this where it's just like, like, oh, I want her to be trusting and I want her to be hot. Yeah, I want her to be hot and I want her to be this tall. More importantly, like actual personality traits and values.

Like, I wanted to be trusting. I wanted her to be, you know, disciplined. I wanted to. Self-sufficient. Yeah, you know, I wanted to like be really career-oriented. All these things. I'm like, dude, you're the least trusting boyfriend I've ever met. Like, I know you go through every girlfriend's phone.

I know you're going through your girlfriend's phone last time you were dating because it led to a whole big conflict. Like, I had this one friend who called me one time. and he's like one of my dear friends and I'll talk shit to him till Kingdom come but he called me and he's like dude we broke up she went through my phone and so we broke up and I was like what was the issue

and he's like well dude she shouldn't have been going through my phone like why didn't she trust me and I was like well was there shit on your phone and he's like yeah of course there was but that's not the point that's not the point and I'm like dude what are you taught like you are an absolute idiot

I don't even know how to have a conversation with you if you're going to be like that I mean we always say like you go Snoop and you're going to find something like. I don't know what led them to that point. Yeah, follow someone for 10 miles on the road. They're going to meet it at some point. I mean, this is across the board, men and women.

Anyone who has some list of perfection, essentially, you need to ask yourself, what am I bringing to the table? We did this years ago. What milkshake am I bringing to the yard or something like that? We talk about this because I mean, I always talk to women more, but like there's so many people you see that he needs to be this tall, make this much money, have this type of career, do this for hobbies and interest, travel this much. And you're just like, that's great. You should have boundaries and you're allowed to have lists of things that you want standards. But are you embodying those things? Are you worthy of attracting somebody like that?

Are you bringing that to the table? It's a really important question to ask yourself, if you want all these things, am I the list also? Was it a conversation we, Jay Shetty and Matthew Hussie, maybe it was a clip of like, picture the person you want and then become that person. When it comes to the, not like, you know, physical. Like I'm going to get a penis. Yeah, yeah. Hopefully not all the physical things. Just get one.

I just want to be six, four. Yeah, 6-4 jacked, tan, great. That sounds good. Huge dick. You know me. Delt's like this. Yeah, exactly. Two tattoo sleeves.

I was doing bald. I just shaved my head. Yeah. You can look for you. I'm crazy. You're going to the opposite. You got new hair. As tall as possible, bald with a beard.

That's me. It's also, there's a theoretical side to it, which is true. Like, you embody the things that you want to find, and there's, like, a magnetism that comes with just putting certain vibes out into the world, and you find it. There's also. It's also a purely functional side where, like, if you are living the traits that you want to find, you're probably going to put yourself into places physically where people with those traits exist.

Like, if you want someone that's really fit and you're going to go embody that, you're probably going to go to the gym at, like, a nice gym at an early morning hour or something like that. And you're probably going to run into other people that are into fitness that are going to the gym at an early morning hour. And that, like, already you've self-selected down into a group that embodies the trait that you are trying to find in the world. but you had to embody it in order to find that. Well, we were just talking about this with a guy friend of just, you can take New York as this microcosm of neighborhoods are so definitive of the type of people. Not always,

but we can talk about like Fidei and deep in Brooklyn and whatever, the type of people that might be there. A bunch of dudes in vests. Yeah, exactly, in your Patagonia vests, like the Midtown uniform. But we were just talking about a girlfriend and we just sort of like, think of the type of guy you want to find and like, where are the most of them? Again, this is not a full-proof plan, but like if you really want that finance guy, you shouldn't be living in Bushwick.

It's not going to happen for you. And if you want a broke comedian, then you should be living in Bushwick. You know, you really should think about the type of person that you want and where they're going to be and putting yourself in those situations. Like if you want a doctor,

you should become a nurse. It's true. It's not the worst idea in the world. Or just hang out of bars near hospitals. Yeah. I mean, like if I lived in L.A. and I was single and I was into health,

I would just go freaking hang out at Airwine. At Airwine, yeah. I sit outside there and I am just like floored every day. Teach people how to do the hot. Yeah, like, find me, find me looking like an idiot getting yelled at with a suitcase and his bag, like, oh, you look lost. Let me come help you, sad puppy. You know, like, it doesn't seem like the worst idea in the world. You said something on one of your reels and you were like, no loser gets up at 5 a.m. and works out. A fuck boy, yes, but no, no loser. Like, I like that statement of like, you know, that quality of someone that actually wakes up and works out, it's probably going to be something that's got some motivation in life. People get mad at me over this one. which always surprises me a little bit. It's unpack it. Literally what I've said is there's no such thing as a loser who wakes up at 5 a.m.

and works out. And my point, it actually has nothing to do with working out. It has nothing really to do with 5 a.m. It's all about knowingly and willingly doing really hard things. By definition, you are not losing in life. I don't know anyone who knowingly does really hard things on a daily basis that is losing in all areas of life. It's just very rare to find.

that doesn't mean that if you're not a morning person and you go to the gym at 4 p.m. That you're a loser. Like, people take it that way. Well, that's their fault for misinterpreting. Yeah, they're like flipping the logic on its head, which is just not what I mean. Well, we always say people hear what they want to hear. Yeah, exactly. I don't get up at five.

I work at four. And am I a loser? The biggest mentors that I found in my life, like people that have been super impactful to my entire life were because I was going to the gym when I first started working at 445 in the morning every day at the Equinox in Palo Alto. And there was only like eight other people that would show up. at that time of the morning, and they were all really successful people that I've learned a ton from and have been mentors in my life. And I always said, like, if I was trying to find a wife during

those years, it would have been a great idea to go to the gym at that time of the morning because the girls that were there at that time of the morning were like career driven and fit and they were into similar things to what I was in. And so, again, it's like, put yourself in a position to win. When can be, if you're trying to find someone to date, put yourself in a position where you're going to find those people or if it's in your career, like, do the thing that you know makes it more likely for you to succeed. Right. Absolutely.

Can we talk about male and security being the root of all bad relationship behavior? Your words, not mine? This is really a reflection on my own life that I'm going to apply to everyone that I've seen making bad decisions. This came up for me recently because I was at this dinner with a group of really successful entrepreneurs and founders who've made hundreds of millions of dollars. And they were all talking about their marriages and all of them were like venting, right? They were doing the thing about their wives.

They were like, well, what about you? And I'm like, my marriage is great. they were like wait but you just had a kid and I was like yeah it's better than ever like things are great like a great sex life like stuff it's great like my wife's super hot I love it like things are awesome and they're all looking at me like I have eight heads like these and these are like good looking like have made a bunch of money pretty young in their 30s 40s and they're like oh but like you know you must get attention from women so like don't you want to you know go out and do stuff I'm like no like why the fuck what I've gotten married if I wanted to do that yeah and what I realized that

in reflecting on it was like male insecurity is at the root of all this. This is a bunch of guys who were probably nerdy for most of their life and not attractive to the opposite sex. Now they've made a lot of money. They all of a sudden have started getting attention and they need that attention to feel like they're cool and to feel like they're good. And so there's an insecurity that is actually now manifesting in like bad behavior. And I don't know whether any of them are actually acting on this. But they're doing things that I would consider. Like I would never go to a party with a bunch of other guys and talk about sleeping with other words. Like, I just think that's bad,

despicable behavior. And I think it's, like, I think it's gross. And I think it's embarrassing. Like, I think it's, like,

it's just embarrassing. And my kid, more importantly, like, I would never want my kid to say that I was like the type of dad who did that. Because if my dad did that, I would punch him in the face, like about my mom.

It's just not okay behavior to me. But it's, it's insecurity driven. And I think about my own, like, from 16 on through like 30, my own insecurity and who I was and not feeling comfortable with that. and how I tried to fill that with everything.

I wanted girls to think I was hot. I wanted people to think I was impressive, people to think I was successful, whatever all those things were. It was entirely driven by my own insecurity that I didn't feel impressive to myself. Totally. Absolutely. But we're talking about our guys here that you were a super nerd and then you got a bunch of money and got successful or even if you were really overweight and then you lost the weight,

you still have that inner fat kid or that inner nerd that is like, oh my God, wait, I can like fuck hot girls. You know, and obviously there's a point. It's like, yeah, I guess you can do that. But there is also a point where it's like, if you want to stop, have a nice, healthy relationship, marriage, you've got to make the decision. Yeah, I mean, life is just like one big, long game of sacrifices. And ultimately, people who delay gratification are the ones that I think achieve the best outcomes,

if you think from a happiness perspective. So, like, for me, tangibly, if I want to have a long love-filled life with my partner, with my family, whoever, that means making sacrifices in the short term, right? Like short-term pleasures, yes, could you go have sex with random people right now and maybe get away with it? Maybe. I don't know. But like, that's a short-term pleasure that I happily put off and not do because I want the

long-term thing that is way more valuable to me, which is a love-filled life with people that I really care about and people that I can grow with. And that is like, that's everything in life, right? If you want a healthy body, you have to like give up the short- term pleasure of eating the crappy food or of not moving around today in order to do the hard thing, which is like working out and eating healthy stuff from heroin. And so if you apply that as like a rule to every area of life, that's how you're actually winding up in like the better outcomes in the long term. But it's only through being willing to make those short term sacrifices for the

long term benefits. Yeah. And even sometimes sacrifices is like a heavy word to put on that, you know, but just kind of like not giving in to the short-term temptations, I guess. Yeah, we've been in the comedy world for so long, Ashley, way longer than me. And a lot of our friends are male comedians that are on the road a lot. And the opportunity is there, you know, to always cheat on your partner with some random person and some random city. And I was talking to one of our good friends. He's now engaged. And he was talking to me about like, yeah, I mean, you could all the time.

But like, that's the tradeoff. Like, I want to have this wonderful partner who loves me and this partnership and this friendship. and you can't do those other things if you want that. And that is worth the, I don't think you use the word sacrifice, but that's the tradeoff and that's good for me. Like I get to have all these wonderful things. And I guess I can't sleep with people on the road,

but why would I want that? Because I get all these other great things from my, like, partner. Yeah, that you value way more highly. Right. That mean way more in the long run. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like both of you flagged it. And so I actually want to talk about it,

but I feel like sacrifice, the word sacrifice was like an interesting word choice. I think part of this goes back to my like financing days and where like my like econ brain goes because I think of almost every decision that you make in life as like opportunity cost where you make a decision and then there's an opportunity cost to that decision. So you make a decision to get married. The opportunity cost is all of the other relationships or the other sex that you could have had all on the way.

But now I'm like hearing it played back and it's like a very financing, you know, like econ mindset way of thinking about these things. I didn't hear that as a bad word. What I was thinking is just, it's tradeoffs, right? There's tradeoffs to every decision you make. And everything is hard. Marriage is hard and being a single is hard. And so you just have to choose your hard.

I think people view the word differently. It doesn't have to be negative or you can view it that way. And, you know, I think people customize me like, relationships are full of sacrifices. And it's just like so extreme. And I'm like, I don't think I want to sacrifice so much. Yeah, it's not to be that you're like sacrificing something that you want it necessarily. It's like there is something.

Like Raina, you had said before, like sometimes. I sacrifice, you know, quote unquote sacrifice. Like somebody's birthday party or girls, whatever, because I'm like on the other side of the country with my, because I belong to some relationship, whatever it is. So I like that you've reframed it. Yeah. You sound like this really great list of talking points. So I just want to like hit a couple more.

So modern masculinity and the willingness to embrace extremes. My general take on masculinity is we've lost the plot around this. And I think what happened is we stopped allowing men to be men on one end of the extreme, like aggressive testosterone-driven caveman look and feel of like what a man is that is within every man, whether they want to admit it or not it exists. We started saying like, oh, no, that's bad, that's toxic. And it's not toxic in and of itself. It's toxic in certain manifestations when guys push it too hard.

But in and of itself, there's nothing wrong with it. And we also told men that they weren't allowed to be vulnerable and open about their emotions and that they had to just like shut up, do the work, be a provider. do all these things. And what we ended up getting as a result of that was this like lukewarm version of masculinity that sat in between those two extremes. And it was the guy who goes and golfs for six hours on a Saturday and drinks beers and talks shit about his wife. Our goes on the road, you know, and has dinner and says like how he would do all these things with other women. And my opinion is that if we just allow the two extremes to exist within an individual where a man

can be a man's man, but then can also open up and cry and be normal. and be vulnerable, that you have a much better place in the world where men can kind of exist on both of those sides of who they are. I mean, that's what we're both attracted to. Like people that are, I guess, traditionally a little more masculine, but like behind closed doors, like one-on-one are really mushy and lift you up and can be really soft. And maybe you're the only person that sees that. But like, how special is that?

That you're the only one that gets it. Well, I do feel like I found that. But I also feel it's rare, unfortunately, you know, like to the point where I was like, I don't even know if that exists. And I've, I found one, but it's just like a Boston guy. They're built different. But I just, I feel that. And I love that you said, lost the plot is a funny way of putting it and just like mixed messaging.

And we talk about this a lot of kind of men being in crisis and lonely and all these different things. And then on top of it, you add this like mixed messaging like, don't be too masculine, but oh, don't be too. Like, I can empathize. Yeah, we're not male apologists. But we understand it can be a little hard sometimes. Well, I think it goes both ways, right? Like, there's probably some exact same version. with women of like the archetype that we've just said that women need to fall into when in reality,

it's like it's extremes and there needs to be. Well, one of the things you were saying earlier is making this list of what you want in a woman and I often find on like dating apps. You're like, I want her to be self-sufficient, make her own money, driven, independent. And then you like meet those women who are all those things and you're like, but coddle me and lift me up and don't emasculate me and make me feel like I'm the big person in the room. And sometimes those ideals are a little conflicting. You say you want this thing and you get it. But like you also want somebody kind of totally different. So like where can women win in the middle there? Yeah, women have also just been pushed into this caregiver, 100% of the time mold of like where a lot of women feel like

if they're not taking care of their husband, the kids, their families, all of these things. It's 100% of the time of their life is dedicated to taking care of other people. And you can't take care of other people if you're not taking care of yourself. And I think it was like Dr. Nicole LaPera maybe that was talking about like the high incidence of depression in women and of autoimmune disorders in women and she was relating it to the fact that you're not getting to take care of yourself. You're constantly in on mode of taking care of other people and you've completely lost your ability to take care of yourself along the way. It's like it makes sense logically that that could happen. Yeah. Well I mean there's so many women that are just like I don't know how they

do it. Superheroes. I mean like working moms and then you know like a husband and then you talk about like the loneliness epidemic primarily with men. And then you have a guy that doesn't have anyone to talk to besides his wife. You know, so she's like solely responsible for his emotional well-being on top of the kids, on top of whatever else she's got going on. So listen, you know,

it's tough out there for everybody. Tough sledding. Be alive and exhausting. Yeah. At least it's fun along the way. Yeah. We're having fun. Well, this was great.

Thank you so much. Yeah. So this is fantastic. And Ashley and I love all of your content. So can you tell people where to, find you the newsletter, website, Instagram, Twitter, all that. Yeah, fortunately having a weird name, it's pretty easy to find me. So Sawhill Bloom, I think on every platform, and my website is just Sawhil Bloom.com

where you can find newsletter and everything else. It's a great name. Yeah, easy enough. Indian Jew. Yeah. I wanted to ask where the bloom came from, but I was like, is that weird? White Jewish guy from the Bronx, married to an Indian woman from Bangalore. So there you go.

We have Indian and Jew in our thruple. That's, yeah. Hinge, it's good. Oh, there you go. There you go. Okay. You guys know where to find us. Girls got to eat.

Get those tour tickets to the no crumbs tour. And everything else you need to know about us is on the website. Girls Got E podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. Raina is reina. com. Our other company, Vibesonly.com. Subscribe on YouTube.

Share this episode with a friend and we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.