Girls Gotta Eat - Pandemic Proposals and Facetime Sex feat. Hannah Berner and Des Bishop

Episode Date: March 8, 2021

In their first podcast interview since getting engaged, we have Hannah Berner of Bravo's Summer House and comedian Des Bishop join us to discuss their whirlwind romance. We're talking about age differences (15 years between them), Facetime sex (they give tips), the Gen X DM slide, going from 0-60 between the first and second date, moving in together quickly, healthy fights (we witness one), and more. We also share our listeners' stories of pandemic proposals, engagements, and breakups (yikes). And we're dropping a crazy Catfish update from Rayna's story last week, Ashley shares an insane customer service experience, and we taste test flavored condoms. Enjoy! Follow Hannah on Instagram @BeingBernz and Des @DesBishop. Check out their podcasts Berning in Hell and Des Bishop Podcast. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Check our website for merchandise, show dates, and to sign up for our newsletter. Thank you to our partners this week: Ritual: Get 10% off your first 3 months at ritual.com/gge. Buffy: For $20 off your first purchase of $80 or more, visit buffy.co and enter code GGE. HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/gge12 and use code GGE12 for 12 free meals + free shipping. Dame: Get 15% off your first order at dameproducts.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So then I was like, let's go back to your place. I was surprised. She's like, I'm going to eagle your hole. Bend over chest. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back. We are a comedy show about dating, sex, and relationships. And today, we have four comedians on.

So if comedy's not your thing, it might not be the episode for you. I came out of nowhere. I can't stress it enough, guys. Comedy? Comedy? Comedy. That's the category. Jokes.

Jokes. So if that's not your thing. You don't like jokes. Go to another show. But they don't tell jokes. That's a lot today. A lot of jokes. I feel great.

I look great. I feel great. Oh, look and feel good. I'm just certifying my vibe. I have new eyebrows. I've been taking collagen. My skin looks good. We look great.

I just took a Megan the Stallion Peloton class. I was breathless because I was singing and dancing so hard. And I have my ear, my, like, air pods in. So I was like, I am singing at the top of my lungs. Good for you. You have your own workout studio. Listen.

We'll tell you guys about the new studio soon. Right now it's just Ashley's workout studio. I am co-paying for Ashley to have a workout studio. Okay. Little housekeeping up top, little live show update. We're going back on tour. Texas only. Sorry, guys.

Texas, Mississippi. Florida, South Dakota. Anywhere I get wild. That's where we're going to be. Have you guys been on our website recently? You've noticed we took the shows down. We're doing everything we can to reschedule everything, manage capacity restrictions,

go to places we can. So we will keep you guys up to date immediately as we have new dates, probably new venues. We're not sure. So nothing is definite. But we will have a specific update for you guys next week, the 315 episode.

If you want an update this week ahead of time. We have a newsletter you guys can sign up for. We promise to send it out of the newsletter first. You can do that at our website, Grasgetty Podcast.com. There's a pop-up when you come in and also at the bottom of the page.

There's a little newsletter place to put your email. Yeah, you'll be getting that news first from the letter of the news. Of the source. Of the source. The letter of the news. So stay tuned. We'll send that out this week for you guys.

And then obviously we can keep up to date on Instagram, social media. As we know more stuff, we will let you guys know more stuff. All I got to say is, Sink out of Mayo is going to be lit. Hear me out. I can't wait, guys.

Oh my God? I might drink on stage. I might take my titties out. Go off. What? You know, we're taking our tities out of all the shows. Tequila shot.

I want you to take a tequila shot out of your tities. Do you do that? Audience member to take a tequila shot out of my teeth. You can't do it yourself. I'm just going to run around pouring tequila for my tities into your mouth. Did you do stuff like that in college? Yeah, I did everything in college. Did you like put a beer bottle in between your tities and drink it?

Seems like something you do. Probably if it was trashy, I did it. I mean, I went to college in Indiana. There's no rules. Yeah. Aha, which is a Miller High Life. My sister-in-law sent me this photo the other day of me in a bar with her in New York City eight years ago. There's a man standing on a bar just sweaty, filthy pouring tequila into my sweaty, filthy mouth.

And I was like, oh, and I miss life. I know. I miss it so much. We had the most fun night last night. I just got to say, I feel like New York, it's coming back. The energy is great. I've said this so many times recently. I'm just going to say it again.

I just feel like this spring and the summer in New York is going to be like the best energy. I cannot wait. But we went to this outdoor. We were like in a bubble. We're like in a snow globe. Brittany drag bingo. So the drag queens were inside. So we didn't really get to experience them.

At a magic bar. At a magic bar. So there's like we had like cauldrons of drinks. It's called the cauldron. NYC. It's in Fidey. And we had our own speaker in our bubble. It played Brittany.

at a very loud volume. So all they were just screaming and we played bingo with just Britney playing. And there was a Britney drag queen just like bopping around on that. A lot happened. And the party favor was banana flavored condoms.

Yeah. Which I have a question. Okay. Why are they, are people sucking dicks with condom? Are they, they're licking the condom? So I don't want to shame

safe oral sex. Okay. Is that what it's for? I guess. So, so I, you know, I want to like make sure

We're always promoting safety. I wouldn't suck a dick with a condom on it. But that's obviously what it's for. A flavored condom is definitely for that. My pleasure. Right. I would do flavored, like, lube maybe. But I personally am, you know, probably not going to put a condom on and suck a dick.

It's just not for me personally. But if you want to do that, like, you know, look at the truth. They had a mint flavor as well if you want a minty dick. It was chocolate mint, which is just like my... Oh, you sucked it. You came out. And you put that condom on something. That was basically, should we try it?

I'm going to smell it. That was my daily harvest Monday tradition. It's just mint and cacao. Can I open your condom? You can have mine. I'll give it back. Is that the mint chocolate one? This is the banana split.

I just want to smell it while we're here. Just lick it. I'm not using it. Okay. It stinks. It smells like a... Okay, guys, I'm going to put it in my mouth. It does taste like banana.

You're trying to get in there? Look the other side of that condom. Oh my God. That is. tastes so bad. That is just the most like artificial. Ew. It's artificial banana flavor. Okay, now my whole mouth tastes like artificial banana flame.

It tastes like like a lollipop with artificial banana. Yeah, I'm building it down with like artificial flavoring. It's subtle though. Yeah. I mean, a banana is appropriate. A banana flavored dick. But we were there with Casey Balsham and Grace and Becca from Bad on Paper podcast all have been on our show.

We just had the best time and, you know, free Britney. But it's just, man, to listen to her whole catalog. Like you're, you just, I mean, I know we all know. But when you just hear it, that's all that's playing in like a three-hour night. You're just like, what an icon. She's just banger after banger. And then they played the crazy remix. And I like lifted up the chair.

And I did like a whole dance routine that I remember from being a cheerleader at senior year in high school. I was sexy for a cheerleading routine. It was sexy. Are we still letting cheerleaders do that? And we like we all had a chair. Like it was pretty like we like our legs were spread. We were like straddling these chairs.

I mean, I was, I was a, I mean, girls were 16. Yeah. I was like, I was an adult. I was 17. I was 17. I was my cheerleading days. Ashley can really move her bodies. Someday when I grow up, I'll be able to dance as well as Ashley. Crazy. That was the best. All right. Well, that's a lot about our social life. Today is also a special day. You want to pop off. So today's International Women's Day, March 8th, if you're listening, the day of this podcast comes out. And it's every day is women's day on women's day on this podcast. Like the whole, everyday my life and I'm Instagram. Yeah. So, I mean, the whole point of women's day, obviously it's the day to celebrate women and focus on women's rights and equality. And, you know,

I think it goes out saying that's what we do all the time around the clock. But I just wanted to take a moment to encourage you guys to reflect on being a woman and also think about how that experience can vary across the board for women of a different race, background, sexual orientation, gender identity, et cetera, that's other than yourself. And consider reading, listening, learning more from those voices and amplifying them. And I mean, I think this is stuff we should always be doing and we know you guys do. But I felt like today was a good day to bring it up and just talk about some of the things that have been on my mind personally, if anything speaks to you that you want to look into more. Lately for me, one of my followers brought to my attention the crisis of missing and murdered indigenous women. You can Google MMIW for more info. I posted some resources on my Instagram. There is a vice video that you can find on YouTube. There is a brand, podcast on Spotify called Stolen, The Search for Germain. There's a movie that's been recommended to me called Wind River. And I can post all this in my Instagram story this week. I'll go ahead and do that. But this stuff is all, it's devastating. And especially to know that indigenous women may feel

scared that this could be their fate. And so I think it is so important to bring awareness to it, talk about it, see where you can help and just wanted to use our platform to bring awareness to it. I have been reading more Asian American news and reading more stories from Asian women in light of the violence and the hate crimes. I'm talking to my Asian friends about how they're feeling and just trying to understand how everybody is feeling during this time and how we can help. I've been feeling enraged at the whole Bachelor situation and how Rachel Lindsay has had to disable her Instagram account because of hate comments and threats. yet so many people are so quick to forgive Chris Harrison. I could go off on this forever.

But those are just a few things that are on my mind. They obviously do not encompass all women and all issues women face by any stretch. But I don't know. I read a quote that said, we're not equal until we're all equal. And I just think that the more we all can learn about other people's experiences, the more empathy we will have, the more we will want to use our voices for good and the better off will all be. it's just something to consider today. I'm sure most you guys are already doing this. You guys are amazing. But I just feel like Women's Day has always been

a really uplifting day. So I just thought like, let's gas each other up, but be intentional and inclusive about it. And just know that women are so strong, obviously, but like we are so much stronger together. So that's my International Women's Day

Soapbox. Oh, I love that. Thank you for saying that. And yeah. We say this all the time, but, you know, one of the greatest gifts of this podcast is all the different women that we've been exposed to and the different ideas. And I feel like I'm 100% a better person today than I was three years ago because of all the amazing women that listen to our show and give us feedback. And we've traveled all over the country and met people in every type of race, age. And so I feel really lucky this show has introduced us to so many really incredible women.

And we love all you guys. Thank you for being our audience. And we thank you for sharing your stories with us, those of you who have. We just want you guys to feel seen and represented. so we're going to continue to try our best to do that. Yep. And I know that you guys count on us to do stuff like that and give a voice to other people. And so we're always going to do that.

If you guys are interested, we are on Cheddar TV today in honor of International Women's Day. They have programming all day long. I'm not sure who else is on it. But they are programming all day long in honor of International Women's Day. So we're being interviewed. So if you guys have time, tune in to Cheddar TV. Check us out. Oh, yeah.

If you're listening this early, I mean, I think we're live on Cheddar at like 1125 or something. So if you're listening later, that might have passed. But we can probably post the clip. Yeah. Yeah, we'll post it. You can watch it. Hopefully, don't quote us on that. Yeah, we'll say.

Okay. Okay, we have a big update for you guys from last week's episode with Neve Schulman about catfishing. Really such a phenomenal episode. He has so much empathy for others. I was really like grounded and really floored by him. But I said to Ashley in the morning when this episode came out, a two-second synopsis of what happened before, I got catfished by somebody who sent me a text and a photo of somebody and then I allowed him to talk to me all day long. I got catfished, whatever. It's whatever. It happens to the best of us. But the verbiage was like very specific and the method of like sending this like kind of salacious text with a cute guy in the photo and then being like oh shoot I have the wrong number. It seemed like Neve was like oh that's like you know 101. Like that's so methodical. That's what people do. So I said to Ashley in the morning how much you want to bed a bunch of our listeners have had this same experience. I promise you somebody's going to reach.

out to me a day. And they did. Multiple women have reached out since that episode came out. Same exact identical texts from the same exact guy, different photos. Yeah. But identical verbatim texts. And our listeners, God, they're all so smart. Every person like asked for a LinkedIn or asked for an Instagram and like that person went away. I let him talk to me all day long. But all of you guys did better. I'm proud of our audience for being smart and safe. Yeah. Not as safe as I was. So good for you guys for asking the important questions. and it was different photos. I guess this guy had gone and found somebody else's photos.

I found that guy. We found that guy's girlfriend. She was communicating with one of our listeners as well. That girl said this has been happening for years. We contacted the police. We're trying to get it to stop. So a pretty crazy story. So I'm telling Ashley about this.

All right, you just tell them what happened. You told me and it just jogged my memory. When Raina had showed me the dick pick he sent, it did sort of loki remind me of like, the photo that I got and the message I got back in 2018 that we talked about in the podcast. And Rain and I were just joking about the difference between us, like how she leaned into this and talked to this guy all day and how when this sort of happened to me, I just pretended to be an old lady and send like old lady ass pics.

And the episode, if you guys want to go back and listen to the original where we talked about this, I looked it up. It is called Mo Money Mo Problems. And it was on July 9th, my birthday, 2018. So if you want to go back and listen to the original story, that's where it is. And I just, I remembered it. And then I went back and found those screenshots and was like shook because they felt similar. So I'm going to go back and read them.

I got this photo of this guy and it was this like model body. His dick is not showing. It was like this, his perfect body and then like a blanket kind of covering right, right on top of his dick. So his dick is like almost peaking out. 12-pack abs. And it said, it opened with, come cuddle, Sons, PJs, please. It's very warm.

And then the picture. And then this is more of a demand than a request. And then immediately after, because I got this in real time. You know, so I knew the timestamps. Right after that. Fuck, I am so sorry and embarrassed. Met someone out last night,

agreed to exchange numbers and realizing this is likely the wrong number. Please disregard. Same. Same verbia. Same verbia. Same exact. This guy has used the identical verbiage on every single girl that messaged me. It's the same guy two and a half years ago.

Do you think my guy's the same guy? Like if you were to guess, like is this like a thing? Is this just like the format of the catfishing or could this be the same guy? I think it's the same guy. If you and I got a curbiage is so specific. But don't forget that I catfished him back. And I pretended to be Esther. And I said I was in town visiting my granddaughter.

And he still was like, okay, well, I'm still into it. And then I sent him that I just Googled like old lady ass and sent him a pick. I think this is such like the indication of how different we are. All day, I was like, Ashley, I'm a new boyfriend. Oh my God. It's so true. But it's weird. Like, I think it did like go through my mind for a second that you did that one night.

Because when that guy messaged me, I was like, well, this is what I'm doing today. Like, I'm just going to talk to this person on the internet all day. Right. And like, I, that's what I did that night. That's what you did that night. I'm like kind of, I'm not disappointed. pointed because I barely remembered, but I'm surprised one of our listeners didn't say, guys, remember Esther?

Like, I'm surprised. Like, I feel like they're so on top of it. But do we know? Did we think it was somebody catfishing or do we think that it was like? We never thought it was a catfish. We thought we didn't look too much into it. Right. I don't think that we talked about it in terms of it being a catfish.

Yeah. But I remember that guy, like, remember he was like super into it. And then like it ended with him being like, good night, Esther. Like he was like not happy. On your social media. And you were like, I work for the government. man. I just feel like if that, if that guy was either the same guy or just another catfish like him, he was like, this bitch just beat me at my own game. I can't believe that this is like such a tactic.

Like it's so obvious to me. Right? Like send like a semi-solacious text message that anybody would respond to. And then a photo of a hot guy. That photo is almost too obvious. That's like a perfect, perfect, perfect. The photo of the guy gets sent me was like a cute guy with glasses and a dog. Yeah. You're, yeah. the pictures you got sent up until the dick pick were a normal looking guy. So Raina and then one of our listeners found the guy that he's been using his picks and he's also using his first name. Because the third girl actually gave me his Instagram handle. Because this guy had given her the Instagram handle of a live person. Of a real person.

That is insane. So let's just say the guy's name is Jeffrey. It's a more, it's kind of a, it's a different name. But we're just going to use Jeffrey. And he's like, hey, My name is Jeffrey. Here's my Instagram account. So he's saying like, hey, I'm Jeffrey and here's my Instagram account.

And he's sending people an Instagram account of someone named Jeffrey who has a girlfriend who was like, this guy's been doing this to me or girl. You never know. You never know. And I don't buy any of this. Like, this could be this couple that's doing this to other people. Oh, wait? Actually, listen.

Oh, no. I've been burned. Okay. They've stolen my innocence and I don't trust anybody, okay? What is it? Like, once bitten twice shy? That's me. Okay.

No. Pull me once? Can't get fooled again. What's that thing you always say, Raina? Fool me once? Fool me once. Everyone Raina said that about a guy that had folded her 12 times. I hadn't even fucked him.

It's so embarrassing. You know, like you get like dictumatized by somebody and you're like, I'll just keep let him do it. That is insane. Digmatized by someone you haven't even seen their dick. Who has a broken dick? Whatever. I don't care.

Wow. Okay. It stays. You let me know if we're going to cut that. No, we're not going to. No, my Sunday night. Make you know if I told you Sunday night to cut something, you would be so mad at me.

Oh my God. Okay, but yeah, that was crazy. This guy has given a real person's Instagram handle. One of our listeners reached out to the guy's girlfriend, and she did the right thing. She was like, either this is your boyfriend actually doing this, cheating on you, or I just want to let you know this is happening, which I thought was so cool and smart.

And that girl was like, oh, no, this has been happening for like years. We've been trying to get it to stop. So just like stay woke out there, guys. You just never know. I've been like a ball of anxiety. Like in terms of like actual safety. Like really just like protect yourself. Don't be stupid like I am.

And obviously don't give any details about your life to somebody doing this. Yes. And to anyone listening, if you get a message in this format, you know 100% it's not real. Like whether this is the same guy or this is just like what these people are out here doing, like we're telling you. It's fake. It's fake. Okay.

Don't lean in or lean in and do the Esther. Listen, don't spend the whole day telling all your. friend, you have a new boyfriend. Oh, right? Every time you say it, I like put my head on my hands. Like, no. Oh my gosh. I still like that dickpack.

It's my sick pack. Should we talk about who else I communicated with today? The seamless customer service. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. You guys, this is, you tell them, you tell them what happened. Listen, I don't want to drag seamless for this because it's like, I use seamless. I use postmates.

Like, we use all these different ones. And this was just one random person. It's probably going to lose this job. So I just, it's not, you know, I don't want to drag a company over like this one interaction because they did take care of what happened. I also, I like Seamless and Grubhub, and I've had a really positive experiences. But so you and I were like doing some stuff. Something happened and then I just lost you for like a half an hour.

You were just in it. Yeah. So, yes, I was talking to customer service guy. So I ordered a salad and I, uh, they bring the salad to the lobby. I have to go pick it up. So I go pick up the salad and I look in the bag and it's just the salad is spilled out in the bag. Like totally in the bag.

Uh, I mean, maybe a little bit salvageable, but still. like totally unacceptable. It's like, you know, it's still a pandemic. I'm not going to eat food out of a bag. You know, I want to be sealed up. So I like, I messaged the chat because I'm like, I want a refund or I want you to bring me another salad or you know, whatever it is. And it it just took a turn. You also were so serious and I didn't know what was happening. I'm having a conversation with somebody else. You looked so serious. I was in it. I was really in it. And this guy I'm talking to on Seameless's chat, he basically was like, I can give you 20% off. And I'm like, no, I can't eat this.

You know what I mean? Like, look at it. I sent you a photo. And he's like basically like, okay, how about 25? I'm like, this is insane. Okay, it just, it started to feel like somebody was fucking with me. And so I'm like, no, I need more than that, you know? And he writes, I know it does not satisfy you, but think about it.

It is still a good offer. So let me ask you a simple question. And I'm, I read that. I'm like, what the fuck? I've never been spoken to you. A customer serves from at his job in writing. He goes, on a scale of it. of one to ten, how much do you like my offer of 25% off?

I've said this in a customer on a scale of one to ten. Can you imagine trying to get this guy trying to fuck you? He's like on a scale of one to ten. Why? Is that what he said? So I go, it's not acceptable. I receive food I cannot eat. He goes, I understand and that's why I'm trying to get this solved.

So would you please tell me on a scale from one to ten, how much do you like my offer? I go, I said, please refund the meal. I cannot eat it. It's food spilled in a bag. during a pandemic. Like, I'm sorry. I am going to bring the pandemic into it. Like, maybe I would have scraped the food out of that bag in a normal non-COVID world,

but I just didn't feel right about it. Which is not how I read the text. I read the text in like, it's a pandemic. I've gone through enough already. No, I just meant like you guys, like, no, your argument was better. It's food safety. I thought your argument was just like, listen, we've all been through enough. Seameless, you should be mortified.

You want me to eat it out of the bag? You want me to put a fork in there and eat it out of the bag? So he goes, because I said, please refund it. I can't eat it. It's a pandemic. Sorry, I cannot do that. I would appreciate you answering my question so we can have a deal done. This is Donald Trump.

Just being like, I feel like we can get an excellent deal done. We'll get it done at 99. I've offered you the best deal. So I was like, this is so funny. I want to post it on Twitter. And so I just posed on Twitter. I posted the picture of the salad in the bag. And then like here's what happened.

And Seameless goes, Hello, immediately seamless respond. Hello, we're terribly sorry about this. Please, DMS. We'll be happy to assist. And then this was from Raina. Raina told me what you respond. She was like, tell him you got a better deal.

The seamless thing I actually called and got a better deal than Marcello offered. Because I called them and they refunded it right away. It took me two seconds. Like I'm not out here trying to be a Karen, but I'm just like, hey guys, I didn't. It's a pandemic. You've been through enough. You can try to eat sealed food. If they forget ingredients, you know, I get.

forget dressing, sweet green specifically. They forget the shit all the time. I just deal with it. I hate it. It pisses me off. A salad without dressing. But I have dressing in the fridge. I deal with it. People make mistakes. But spilled in the bag. No, during a pandemic. On these New York City streets. On a scale of one to ten. How would you rate this deal? And three times, he like wouldn't let it.

He was like, you have to just tell me how you like my deal. That guy, I want to know that guy's return rate on fucking girls. I got to know. Like, well, you just said, I think that he's trying to get fired. And, you know, what if I see. said a three. What would he have said? It's the most like senioritis response you could ever give to somebody. That guy's out the door next week.

I got a different job of postmates. And he's like, I'm just going to fuck with people so bad. Postmates, if you're listening, do not hire Marcello. Or hire him. I don't know. That was the funniest interaction I've ever seen with the customer service wrap. I just want to know what was the gameplay. What if I was like, what was he going to do?

If you said it was a three, he would give you a 30% discount. You think that was his method? Yeah. I think he's like, if you are four, if you are four out of ten excited, I'll give you a 40% of the time. Also, does he know me? Because maybe he knew who I am. Maybe he listens to the podcast. He was fucking with me and he wants to be on the podcast and exactly like his goal has been achieved. Because what about Colin from Verizon? Remember I was talking to, I was talking to customer service agent named Colin. It's probably a year or two ago at this point. The internet went out. I was chatting with them.

You know, super normal conversation. He was trying to get a fix. And then he was like, loved your Instagram post today, Ashley. But hear me. It shook me up. If I was a customer service wrap, all I would do is Google people's names, especially in like Heseltine. Because like if somebody seems John Smith, I'm not looking them up. Like Raina Greenberg, Ashley Heseltine, I would look you up. What else am I doing all day? That's fair.

But anyway. That was amazing customer service interaction. Okay. Is that all we got? That's all we got. Okay. I have dating updates. We'll do it next week.

We have stuff to talk about next week. Really quickly, guys, we're going to get into our interview with Hannah, Berner, and Des Bishop, who was her new fiance, Hannah Berner, is a friend of ours. She's been on the show before. She is also in the show Summer House on Bravo, which we watch religiously. We love it. It's the only show on Bravo I watch. And I wanted to say one thing, just to give you information before we get into the interview

because when I was listening back editing it, I was like, I just want to make sure this is clear. So Hannah's on a show called Summerhouse in what, it's sixth season maybe. And they did a quarantine version. So they usually the show takes place in the Hamptons. They go out, they party. They went all into the house, totally quarantined. first sick for seven weeks. So like they all got tested and they kept it really safe or whatever. So that's the premise of the show. If you don't watch the show, we just want you to be able to

understand the stuff that we're talking about. So Hannah went into this summer house show in July the house and had still kind of had some stuff going on with a guy that she had dated kind of previously named Luke. You'll see it if you watch the show. This is not like a secret. But had met Des like two weeks prior. And so they'll talk about it. They'll talk about their first date, their second date. They had met two weeks prior before she left for this. quarantine house and they had like gone on like five dates maybe and then she went into this crazy situation which is documented on TV. So if you're listening like that's what happened, I just didn't feel like it was totally clear when in the interview because, you know, we're talking to them as

friends and people who know what happened. So anyway, that's just kind of the timeline. And so you guys have the backstory and they're so fun and funny and we hope you guys really enjoy our chat with them. Yeah. Okay. All right, guys. We are so excited. We have a couple in the studio with us today. One returning guest, she is a New York City comedian and the star of Bravo's Summerhouse. He is also a comedian and the host of the Des Bishop podcast. I forgot her podcast. It's Burning at Hell. Ashley and I have both been on it multiple times. Please welcome to the show, Hannah Berner and Des Bishop. Oh my God. Our first ever podcast together. Oh my God. It's the first time. We've done a podcast on our own podcast, but we've never been a guest on somebody else's.

Also, now we say we. Oh, my God, you guys are we. Also, you're sharing a set of headphones, which I guess you get engaged and you just have to be so close all the time. No, it's just things aren't going that well for us. So, like, guys, this thing is from Amazon. It's a splitter.

She had a splitter and she lost it. You lost a splitter, honey. I told you that told me where it was. I forgot to mention also that you're newly engaged. This is your first interview. Yes, that's right. Congratulations, guys. Thank you.

So, no, yeah, we were saying earlier, we want to do just like a game show where whenever you get engaged, you have to go on a podcast and get really hard, difficult questions and see if you survive the engagement. So we'll see. And I said that's what we're doing today. And we're filming a pilot. And we're going to pitch to Bravo and it's going to air right after Summer House. So it's just like Hannah all night long. And it's just me crying. I mean.

Well, let's talk about your pandemic romance. Let's talk about how you guys met and then you went off to film Summerhouse. I'm going to start with that. Yeah, and also, I just, you know, this is three, three against one, women versus Des. So that's, that's fine. This is, this is a very slow evening up of the dynamic in our industry over a long period of time. So I'm happy to be part of the rebalancing. But at some point I do kind of want to just like gas des up.

Like, let's do that. People are our audience. Oh, I thought you were going to say gas late. I was like, yeah. Gas me up. God damn. You know, I'm a Gen X. Like our, Gen X is the forgotten generation.

No, but what do you mean? No one cares about Jennings. What does gas me up mean? What does gas me up mean? He doesn't know what it means. Oh my gosh. This is so embarrassing already for him. It just means like, just trying to help you.

It's a language barrier. It does. I'm Irish. No, just like build you up because I think that our audience knows Hannah and they know you as Hannah's boyfriend, but you are this really incredible international. Independent man. Oh, independent. Yeah.

So like. He has his own career. Can we just get like a minute. Would you stop speaking for me, Hannah? Can we just get like a minute of like Des's life? Right now? Yeah. Oh, well, I mean, you know, I'm from New York originally.

I'm from Queens. I went to boarding school in Ireland when I was 14. I thought out of St. Francis Prep and Queens. I had a problem with alcohol. My mother had this ingenious idea to send me to Ireland to go to boarding school of all the countries if you have that problem. And, uh, quick version. And then I, when I went to college in Ireland, because it was free, you know?

Bernie Sanders is a radical over here. In Ireland, he's like, center right. and I went to college for free. And then while I was in college, I was in college with Killion Murphy, if I can drop a name from Peaky Blinders. Oh, wow. And somebody pushed me.

That's why I married him. So she's just, she's literally engaged so that Killing and Murphy will come to our wedding. That's like the whole. Okay, I respect it. That's the whole thing. Great villain. And then, yeah, no, I got to stand up when I was in college.

I was 21. And then I guess because they really saw me as an American, but I knew a lot about Ireland because I was educated there. I had a quick enough rise. And then I'm quite well known and I've done very well in Ireland, and I've done well on the international comedy scene. But as far as the American side of things goes. I kind of forgot that you actually were born here.

Like, I feel like you're like a Hilaria Baldwin, where you're like people, like people, you call yourself Irish and it comes out that it's like, no, we just went to school there. I don't actually call myself Irish. Everybody else does. Other people do though. Like I feel like everybody else says,

but I'm just an Irish American comedian. I have very much like, a hybrid life, you know? You're Hilaria. Okay. But he is, he does have Irish blood. But I actually speak the other languages. You do sort of switch into an Irish accent sometimes.

I'm a lot more, I'm a lot more confusing than Hilaria Baldwin. I can promise you that. It's Alaria. Say it right. Eleia. Yeah, you've just lived an incredible life. So we wanted to like build you up and you're, you know, um, hear your story. And we know it starts with Hannah seeing you do comedy.

Right. Yeah. Well, I feel like the last time, first of all, I just want to say I'm so happy to be back on Girls Got to Eat. Like, you guys are podcast royalty, but you've also become, like, such good friends. And whenever you guys ever mention my name on this pod, I always get a ton of messages. And I just, I just love you guys so much. But I feel like the last time I was on, I was going on, like, a huge rant about how you

should never touch comedians with a 10-foot pole. So this is ironic. But, yeah, five years ago, I was at the cellar with my, you know, marketing team. And we were like, let's do fun crazy night and see some sad clowns to make goat jokes on stage. I see these clowns. Sad clowns. She's been with numerous ones since. Don't we.

That's all it started that night. But he comes on and like I just loved his like low voice. And I just remember thinking like, oh my God, this guy's so cute. But his whole set was about how he lives in Ireland. So not like I was going to be like that bitch and like walk up to him after and be like, hey. But in my head I was like, oh, I guess I'll never marry that man. Yeah. And that was that was that.

That was, I was oblivious to that time. I just got to know her because I think she showed up on Nikki Glazer's story. Okay. And truth be told, pig that I am, I was like, oh, good looking comic, I'm going to follow her. And we didn't have any interaction. I just followed her. Didn't even realize that she had followed me back. I followed him back because I was like, oh, maybe he wants me to be on his podcast or something.

We didn't have. Which I'm still insulted by. I'm like, why are you following me then? But I remember thinking like, but I also have never been with an older guy. Oldest I was with was like 36. And I've also never had like some kind of. silver fox fetish. Like, I have daddy issues, but like pretty like standard. I'm not like looking for, I don't know. And what's the age difference to the people now? Well, the age difference

is it, 15 years? 15 and a half years. I went on. Sometimes, sometimes of the year, it's 16 years, which is the less appealing time. I actually did an interview and the people were like, so what's it like dating a 45 year old man? Like, I also like, I'm not 22. I'm 29. I'm no spring chicken, But I just looked at her and I go, every day, I'm scared he's going to die. And the title of the article was Hannah Burner, afraid her boyfriend is going to die, which then Des reposts and says pre-nup alert. Prenup alert. She takes all my joke.

She does all my material for me nowadays. I told Hannah, I saw that headline. It was just like, I know that was just a joke. Like, it's so funny, but of course they're going to take it out of context. And it's like, Des has terminal cancer. It turns into this. I'm a cancer survivor too, just to add to my little bit of my strange curriculum vitae. I did also have cancer when I was 24.

What? Of course you did. You're so dynamic, Dad. The things I've done for material, I mean, I've learned Mandarin, gave up a testicle. Okay, so you saw her on Nikki's story and you guys started following each other and then, like, did a DM slide this summer? Like, give us this rundown. Well, like, all great. Bravo, love stories.

there's a real housewife involved in that I was following Hannah. I was very aware of her. She was definitely in my algorithm. She's popping up a lot. And I even remember before we ever chatted, I remember her TikToks from the early part of the pandemic when we were all doing TikToks. And then at one stage, I guess, in late June, early July,

she pops up with the Countess Luann on my thing. And I see that she's in Shelter Island. And I'm like, oh, she's actually quite nearby. And even though, can I just go backwards? bit, she popped up on my Raya numerous times, and I liked her on my Raya every single time and never matched. And I was quite offended by that because she kept popping up on my stories and I'm like, this bitch is not liking me on the fucking Raya. But then I was like, I'm going straight to the source. So I was like, oh, are you out east? And she measured me back

very quickly. Yes, I am. And within like three messages, we arranged to meet for coffee in Sag Harbor. Oh my gosh. It's wild because, guys, I was alone with my parents and five cats. If you could write a worse, sadder situation for a single girl I was living in it. I mean, I love to have my mom's doing my laundry. That shit was great. Thank you, Mom. But like, we were going these walks, a mental health walk every day. And she was kind of like, so what do you think you should do differently, you know? Like, what's going wrong here? What do you think we work on within yourself? And I'm like, mom, it's a pandemic. Yeah. It's a pandemic. B. I'm like, no one's gotten away. Like, my parents got engaged like in four months. And I just had this love.

story in my head that like it's like friends you know like we met the first day we met at that spotify thing we were like done like we got along so like we should get married too but i just feel like you just know when you meet someone if it's going to be easy or not and i remember getting his DM and it being so straightforward he was just like are you out east i said yes he goes one grab coffee i said yes here's my number and we did it and that was that's also that's also another benefit of dating at gen x we still have PTSD from like texting with uh you know like the The number. So our messages are very matter of fact.

Do you want to mean? Yes, 930. Great. I said stop using the periods because it makes you look like a sociopath. Yeah, I know. Grammar is so offensive. See you soon, period. I'm like, okay.

And then you guys did have sex on your second date. It's funnier because on our first date, she was like very physically standoffish. I mean, we hit it off straight away and our first date was great in Sag Harbor, had some food, walked around, connected. on a deep level, you know, I know we have mutual friends. But then at the end, and even like we had one, do you remember one stage we were like on the pier. And it was definitely like a first kiss type of moment. And I was thinking about doing it, but I could just, I could just feel like a don't kiss me.

I wasn't giving him an opening. Yeah, it was like. Because I'm just like so hard to get. Are you a little prickly like that? Like what do you like normally on a first day? No, no. So there was a reason. This was like the pandemic.

So I was like wearing a mask trying to look hot. If I got sick, I wouldn't have been able to fit. So in my head, I was like, hot man, career. Career. No, we agree. 100%. Okay, so let's just jump back into it. And Hannah, so talk to me about what's different about this relationship than previous ones.

One thing I did differently with Des and other guys is other guys, I am guilty. Like, probably most girls of kind of like trying to be the perfect girl in the beginning. Like, I'm so chill. I have no boundaries. Everything is cool with me. I don't really have that many wants and needs. I'm just go with the flow. And with him, I had gotten in a big fight with my dad right before I got picked up

because my dad had a fucking tea time right when he was supposed to drop me off. And I'm like, dad, I haven't been on a date in six months. I'm sad. I'm single. And you can't prioritize your golf. And he's like, well, you know Jerry hates when I'm late? And I'm like, Jerry can go fuck himself. So we like got into it.

He dropped me off. And I'm like, you know when you don't want to be mad because you know, like, you want to be good for this date, but I'm just fuming. And Des picks me up. And instead of being like, hi, I'm doing great. Yeah, my life is amazing. I was like, my dad's a fucking asshole right now. She started ranting about her father straight away, which when you're 16 years older than somebody is like, bingo, this bitch has got

some dad issues. She's going to let me put it in her butt on the third day. Jackpot, jackpot. But he responds, and I'm just like, my dad is pissing me off. We just met, right? So she's complaining about her. You would complain about your parents, not just your father. and when she finished her little sweaty rant, I said, well, at least your parents are alive. Oh my God. Which was a risk.

But I just had a fun of feeling that that would be her sense of humor. And we both died, we died. I lost it. We all, we both died laughing. And I was like, he's making dead parents jokes like three minutes in. And I immediately were just like, I just felt like I liked how his brain worked. Uh-huh. But a pandemic thing was weird.

But I also was like regardless if I liked the guy or not, he's a comic. Like, he's, it's just like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's going to be a good conversation. I know that for sure. I love all this. I especially love the connection over the dark joke. It's so important. I know we make, we're joking about it, but like, it is exactly the moment where you know you like somebody. I can pinpoint that moment with everybody I've ever had a significant relationship with where it's like they say something really fucked up and like it surprises you and makes you laugh and you're like, this is it. This is the thing. Like I can you, I be like we're the same. Ashley, you're going to die when I tell you

this. So I got catfish recently. And the, the, the, then I decided to keep talking to this guy for the rest of the day. I made like a super fucked up joke about babies. And it was so fucked up. And he said something like pretty fucked up back to me. And I was like, okay, I'll just keep talking to this guy all day. It's the test. It's the moment I knew I was going to let this guy catfish me for the next 10 hours.

So he didn't catfish you with his looks. He catfish you with his sense of humor. He sent photos and dickpicks. And it was a whole thing. We did an episode with Neve Shulman from Catfish last week and unpacked him. Well, you said that you didn't want, you said you had issues with dating comedians in the past, which we don't have to unpack that. But when you learned that he was a comedian, you're like,

oh my God, I don't want to do this. Or you're like, what feels good to me is what feels good to me, and I'm leaning into it. Oh, I had walls the fuck up. I would not come in like, he's my prince charming. I just was like, who knows what's going on in Ireland with him.

He's a good looking comic, which is so dangerous. But I love that he was older because I felt like there wasn't a competitiveness in terms of like he's had. a lot of stuff happened his career. And he's not like comparing us. It's more like we're two different people doing different things,

but with similar interests. And he was just so, just like a fucking kind person. Okay. I was wondering about like breaking patterns or leaning into patterns, but it feels like you picked the parts of the pattern that you like and found somebody that fits into that better. You're so right.

I think like every guy I've dated, it's not like, oh, I like comics. There were things that I liked about these people and things that I didn't like about these people. and I really think your 20s is about dating people and literally mess up. Like make the worst decisions. Find those red flags because when I saw him, I was able to really know what was going to make me happy and what I wouldn't like.

And I was just way more prepped. And when he was a little more like sure than I was in the beginning, and that at first scared me. And then I was like, no, like he's letting you fall. Like be vulnerable. So I did have a lot of walls up right now. of my past, but also I kept seeing like, okay, he passed the narcissist test, I think. Okay, he passed the like having no boundaries check. He passed the like the way he speaks to the people

around him check. So I just had all these subtle things I was doing in my head. I think I should actually just met me at the right time. Okay. Well, and I wanted to ask Des too. I mean, we're talking focusing on Hannah dating an older man, but I mean, Des, you're dating like a younger woman and she's in getting involved in this reality show world that is kind of like, designed for drama. I mean, I know from Hanna Zen, like, weren't you kind of like, hey, I don't, I'm not, I don't play games here. This is it. This is what it is.

and it's, you know. I mean, all that, all that early initial stuff was very straightforward. Like, I don't play games. I'm into it. I mean, you know, listen, it's, it's, it's an interesting time to meet somebody when you've had this forced months of reflection of literally doing nothing. You know, so I feel like you're in like a little bit more of an emotionally sort of calm place.

So I was very clear. I was into it. but I very quickly in the when she went into summer house I was not into all that drama so I was really just waiting for that to pass because I felt like this was special what we had and I felt like the summer house stuff was just a distraction just noise I mean I appreciate it's her career and listen I've been in relationships before our life all of us all four of us our lifestyle it can be like a conflict with your partner sometimes it's all consuming it's very public you know also I So I understood the pitfalls of that. So I was able to just try to compartmentalize it in my brain, but I will not lie. I didn't love it, you know? Well, Hannah, I feel like your history track record, you know, you've dated plenty of emotionally unavailable guys, like fuck boys, you know, we all have. And like, what felt different about DES?

In the beginning phases, I feel like I've gone for emotionally available men because I'm also emotionally unavailable. And sometimes I can be like kind of competitive where it's, like a game and like I don't want to get hurt and I'm very like aware of the signs so I feel like anyone's pulling away and then I just like pull away immediately. And with him, it just seemed like immediately we're on the same team. We both had like a common goal of like let's make this work, which is, which was very, very simple. And I remember him just being like, yeah, I like you. And me realizing like, wait, I could just, I'm not, I don't have to pretend I don't like him or like

pretend I'm busy. Like all he wants is my love. And can I give that to him? And I'm, him and it was just so, so simple and I feel like I just could always be myself with him and he it's like the little things like he laughs at stuff I say, we laugh together we just kind of bond over laughter

but also... Her dad said that to my brother. My brother met her parents and her dad said that to my brother told me afterwards that the first time Desk came to the house, it was the first time Hannah ever showed up with a guy and she was herself. Which I guess is my own problem. I think I can, I'm a big

people pleaser and in the past I just was like looking at what society tells you like no fucking desire to please me. No but society tells you. I just changed. I was like fuck this guy. I was like I'm going to do shit up far in his face. Fuck you. But like you know the whole concept of like this prince charming. You want to be with this rich, this famous, this good looking guy and you just have to be this type of way where and I've had guys tell me I'm too loud and like I'm annoying or I'm too independent or I work too much and it's like I'm just myself. All these things are true by the way, but they're all the things that I love about him.

Right. Well, Des, is there something? So it sounds like Hannah sort of like mirrored that you were into it and she was able to let her walls down. Was there something about her that you were like, okay, time to let mine down too? I actually had my mind made up before she went into the house. The house was like, the house was like a distraction, but I wasn't going to let it bug me. There was once a choice. We had one or two moments when she was in the house where it was like, is this fucking

shit scenario going to ruin it for us, you know? But it didn't, it didn't last too long. No, I mean, for me, obviously meeting, like, you know, whether there is a thing of like destiny and you meet the right person at the, you know, I definitely feel like I'm at the right person at the right time. And I think the pandemic had a little bit to do with it. My, you know, my mom died like a year, like a year and a half before it. And I'd been through a lot with that. So I was just, I was just in like a better place. Like, it was just a good time for me to meet somebody like Hannah. And I don't know how to describe it.

For me, it's very hard to articulate something that you just know. So I wasn't like going through the list in my mind. For sure. I feel like that's something you do in your 30s. When you're 45, you're like, yeah, let's go. He's like, that's so millennial of you to ask me that. Sharon Horgan, another comedian buddy of mine, she was saying one day we were chatting about like men,

the difference from men and women. It's like, you know, women are always like hunting for this like perfect guy whereas with guys, it's just like, you meet a guy at like this little window, this little moment when they're ready, and it doesn't matter who you are. If you're in the fucking spot at that time, he's just like, yeah, ready, I'll give, I'm ready to stop. I know. Like, I wish they had like some sort of blinker that we do. Like a taxi light.

There is definitely. I feel like there's a glass ceiling with dating though where you're like, you've dated enough people and you have to get just annoyed with dating enough that you're not like bad at it and giving up, but you're just over it. And that last person, you're like, yeah, this is it for me. Yeah. romantic, but it happened. Well, sometimes we just like to hammer home to people that like

sometimes you meet people and they're not into you and it's not that you're ugly or stupid or not funny. It's just, it's the wrong time. You're not the right person for that person right now. And it's not a hundred percent. We had fun from the gecko. That was a big part of it. The physical attraction, all that was there and the sex was good. We had like a good

sexual connection. But I think really the biggest thing was that we were having fun from the get-go. Like we were having the crack as we say in Ireland from the start. We make fun of each other and that really is our love language. He was fostering pit bulls. And when I first saw him kind of like train this pit bull,

it turned me on so fucking much because I was like, if he could train that pit bull, he can train a wild girl on reality TV who needs... I love that he calls me out of my bullshit. And it's not like in a controlling way. It's just like he understands me. And I can't let someone... Like, I can't walk all over someone

that's not a long-term relationship. Like it has to be someone who calls you on your shit and you respect their opinion. But then you can call them out on their shit. Like you need someone who's your fucking coach in life a little bit too. Yeah. And I respect his life experience and stuff. And a lot of pretty boys I've been with.

I'm like, you don't know what you're fucking talking about. And I'd go do whatever I shouldn't be doing. Yeah, you are a pit bull. I get that. I brought a pit bull a couple too many times. I put a leash on her sometimes. I'll give her some treats. He does this like click treat thing.

She's been click trained. That's how I get her to come now. You know, when it seems like it's good, I start clicking. and then she makes positive associations. Wait, can I talk about our second date? Yeah. They tried to get you to fucking talk about it a half hour ago and you went off on some other tangent.

I just have a lot of feelings right now. The first time we did her fucking podcast, it was driving me insane. She can't fucking stay on point. That's one of my OCDs. Babe, we're almost, we're almost surviving this podcast.

Are you guys going to break up on this podcast? That's where you got to get the click. I can have a lot of tabs open in my head and he's like a one train pony. But he invites me to go golfing. which is not like the sexiest sport to play. Like I remember being like tried and not look like an old gym teacher. By the way, she told me she was into golf. I didn't just say let's go golfing.

She told me she liked golf. Okay, good. I'm worried that somebody will ask me to go. And now I know how to go. No, one's asking me to golf ever. No, he was like, you know, like I just like nap being golfing. And I was like, I'm basically a retired old man. So like, let's go.

So I go golfing. We go to his little club. And there's all these like older guys staring at us. And I'm wearing my little outfit. And I end up golfing pretty well. I'm not going to lie, I did win with the handicap, and he handled it quite well. This is when I actually knew that he's a keeper, because I got an eagle on a hole. She eagled the sixth hole, part four.

No, I do. We don't know what he's worth of me, but thank you so much for coming. She did good. It's exceptional. It was a good thing. I did something good. Hole in one. And most guys would be like, maybe a little, like, embarrassed.

Yeah, it was a touchdown on the sixth hole. But he walked around and bragged to every random person in the club going, She just eagled the sixth hole. She just engled the sixth hole. And I just remember thinking like, wait, he's my cheerleader. Like, he's proud of me. He's not, like, insecure about his own shit. So then I was like, let's go back to your place.

I was surprised. Like, I didn't prep. She's like, I'm going to eagle your hole. She wouldn't kiss me on the first date. Right, because she was like, no, I'm not going to kiss you. Let's go back to the beach. And I was like, shit. I didn't like clean.

I didn't do like, I didn't do the prep, you know. I already had a beach house, but we need to know what kind of beach house. I want to know, like, the vicinity to the water, the quality of the sand. Oh, no, they're not all created equal. And also, we're not drinking on the first or the second date at this point, right? Two sober dates? No. Great.

I don't drink anyway, so that wasn't an... And I love a sober man. It's like my thing. I love a sober date, okay? It's another part of my story. Anyway, we won't get into it. Save it for a future. Your dark shit.

It's not about your dark past right now. Yes. So we get to the beach, and I think we end up kissing, sitting on the towel. Yeah, we were lying, lying on the towel on the beach. Always good to sit on a towel if you're getting, you know what I mean. I just remember thinking like Corona, you better be fucking worth it. This guy better be good for it. So we're kissing. And then I think he put his finger in my bathing suit. Sorry, that got graphic. It was fine. I mean, we're making out on the beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got his finger on the beach. Oh, you my finger on the beach.

Yeah, I dropped the hand. Yeah, as you should have. He dropped the hand. And I have not been touched in about six to seven months by then. So I was. spewing. That's why you needed the towel. That's why I'm glad you guys were sitting on the towel. So I was like, let's go back to your place. And I'm soaked, like my bathing suits wet. So there was no like cute little strip tis. I just was like tore that shit off just butt ass naked. And it was hot. Like it was like, it sounds hot. It had meaning. I feel like. Yeah, we had a good, we had a good sexual connection straight away. It was good. And then I remember looking at him. And of course I had to do the whole like, I know this was kind of early. and I remember him saying, don't even, like, don't even bring that up. Like, don't bring that up. And I was like, it's a pandemic.

Like, I just like you. I just feel. And he's like, I'm not, I don't care. Yeah, I don't have any judgments about that. I used to have routines about that. I used to have routines about Irish girls love. It was like, you know, I don't normally do this. And I'd be like, well, I do.

So if you're uncomfortable with it, don't do it. But I'm really comfortable with it. Hannah was serving that. Like, I don't normally do this energy. And you're like, please let me stop you right there. I just don't. He was like, this is my preference. But also, I also knew that I wasn't spinning.

Obviously, some guys are, like, you know, deceptive and manipulative. And, like, they make it seem like it's worth doing because there's more to it. I mean, I wasn't putting on any deception. But I also knew that it wasn't going to affect my feeling about her. Okay, sure. Like, I'm not somebody that's going to lose any respect. I mean, all that stuff is insane for me. We'd have, like, two four-hour dates by that point.

Listen, she's trying to make herself feel better. I mean, it was the second date. Anyway, you slice it, Hannah. Who cares, though? Fuck on a second date. Exactly. I've been trying to tell her that since the beginning. beginning, who cares. Stop trying to eat longer. Well, it was actually about eight hours we'd

been together. It was eight and a half hours, okay? Yeah, it was like a work day. Was the sun out? I just, just curious. Yeah. We love a midday moment. It was a beautiful day. It was great. I mean, the early, those first five dates, they were quite idyllic, you know. Okay. Middle of the summer, pandemic, we just have time, you know, it's nice. And then he told me that he didn't FaceTime sex. No, I said I, I, that's more to do with the fact that in Ireland, I'm pretty well known actually so I have a bit of a resistance to anything that can show up in a bad context later on okay we did end up doing that by the way so just I just want to make that she broke you down yeah face time well you guys are engaged now so I you know I would think that

maybe the boundaries are lifted it's hard to worry about face time sex when she's in a house that is literally equipped with more cameras than any place I've ever seen I can't wait for the hand having face time sex episodes I got bigger problems yeah wait do you want to get people face time Taxy tips. My advice with it is it's like jokes are funnier, you know, when you say the details. Like I say, don't be like, oh, I spilled ketchup on me. Say like Heinz ketchup and it's like funnier. Yeah. So I think it's a writing workshop here guys. Pay attention all you are aspiring comedians. I did take a master class. But I do think that it's the same with sex, with FaceTime sex is like everything has to be described and elongated. Like you're writing an essay that you're trying to hit to like 10,000 words where it's like it's not just his dick.

Like it's his like curved hard, strong, big. Like as many adjectives that use you and then you, and then how you feel about it. Like, oh, the curve is, I love the cold deck. Like,

she always likes going on that I have a curvature in my penis. Well, is it because people talk about curves enough. No, people talk about curves. It's so big. It's like, yeah,

when it unravels, it's fucking huge. It's so big that it has to bend because it just hits the back. It's like the cyclone. You know, that hits the G spot really nice sometimes though. Yeah,

for mine. I dated somebody with a huge curved dick and it's, listen, it's kind of nice. Oh, my God, yes. But I love, okay, details. Details are important. I love your phone. There's like a gentle curvature. Let's not get too.

You know, we're not going to have, like, people like messaging me about Peroni's disease. You know, it's just like a gentle curve. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the thing in Australia that they throw and it hits them? A boomerang. Yeah, it's not boomerang. So did Hannah flatten your curve during the pandemic? That was good, Ash.

Thank you. I also think there has, there's like a tone in the voice. It's like podcasting. Like, you know, you like the tone of someone's voice you listen to it. It's like, get a little soft and like get a little emotion behind it. Like, because you can ruin any good line

by like not delivering it well. So like, I'm a hundred percent. Look at, maybe that's why we loved FaceTime sex. But it's a lot of the details. And it's like, yeah, I want to like take my finger and lightly put it up your thigh and like feel you starting to get harder. Like that kind of shit.

Like slow, soft, detailed. And then it's just like you bounce off each other. Yeah, I mean, that's what Hannah's into. I'm more into. like, I want you my fucking asshole right now. I'm just kidding, by the way. I'm just kidding. I'm just shitting on her, like, gentle, like, female focused.

No, Dad, I know what you like, okay? She told me all about it. Oh, yeah, we know. We know. And we'll get into that. But also, one thing I do advise, if you're in the bathroom, because you're, like, in the pandemic with your parents, I put the FaceTime on the toilet.

Make sure you shut the toilet, big, important. And as it's facing up, like, stand over it and your ass will look. It's like literally what's, the toilet sees when you're about to sit down to take a shit, but like your ass looks so good. And you don't even have to open up that much. Like just let him see like the curves of your ass looking up at it. Love his tap. Okay, so wait, put the phone like face up on the toilet seat and just kind of hover over it. Yeah. And then you could be wearing underwear and kind of move the underwear around.

It's hot. It's not. It's not. Skirt. Uncomfortable. Okay. Yes. I love that idea. So that was because also like... Well, our early face times were in the bathroom because she did There was a time where she didn't want to cover the camera. She didn't want to get in trouble. There's just so many ankles that you could feel insecure with the FaceTime. But like up, upskirt is always just like, no guy's not going to be flattered by that.

For me personally, the thing that I love most about the phone sex is actually the sound of the current pleasure. Rather than the fantasy of what I want to do to you, I actually get most out of the fact that you're playing with yourself, I'm playing with myself. And it's actually like we're experiencing. experiencing this pleasure together.

So it's actually the present moment that turns me on the most rather than the, this is what I want to do. I like all that titillation, but in the end, the thing that I like most is just that both of us are doing this together. Yeah, like, it's not just a one-sided show. Okay. And just like the sounds of the pleasure, like when it really happens. Like, I think eventually what happens is you stop fucking talking because you're so focused

on getting the job done. Right. And actually, I find that the biggest turn on. It's just like you're just with each other in the masturbation session. But for somebody who's not so creative and isn't going to say. say like juicy pussy or things like that. Like just to hear somebody moaning and like the cadence in their voice. Like I think that's great advice.

I don't, I haven't had FaceTime sex. I've had phone sex. Are you hold, do you just hold it like your face timing? Like are you, like it seems like a lot of work. Like,

you know, does your arm get tired? In between your legs, labia out like, just like, you keep moving around and like, you know, you crumple up your quilt and like hold,

you know, leave the phone standing there. Then you change around. What are you guys? Oh, comforter. You guys are-crumple up your quilt. No, because I was, I was going to say duvet. Are you fintiming an 80-year-old woman?

What are you talking about? Actually, that was a moment of translation, because in Ireland we say duvet, but I realize people don't really say duvet here, right? You know what a duvet. You dick, you dick, you d' on your duvet. You crumple up your quilt. What else do you have? Crump up your quilt.

You find a spot in your comforter. But also, Ashley, what's hot about it, especially if you're into yourself is, like, while you're looking, like, look at what turns you on about yourself. Like, show him the parts that you're proud of, like, that angle of your side boob, like turn yourself on. It's like looking at your Instagram from the perspective of your crush and it's like fun to do. It's like look at yourself

like he's getting turned on looking at you. And it's just like kind of a confidence booster. Oh, yeah. And I'm like moving it around. So you focus on the titties and the vagina and everything. I actually just want to watch somebody jerk off. I don't even need to see your face. I don't care. Oh, you so yeah, so that's the thing.

It's like if somebody's really into like watching the guy jerk off, I guess that's great. You know, it's funny because as a guy, you just think, like, how can this be a turn-on? Because it's just such a non-attractive action. But of course, I'm only thinking through my fucking hetero brain. But, like, I just never understand, like, why somebody wants to watch, like, my blurry hand, do what it does.

Because it turns me on to see somebody else be turned on. Yeah. And that's the physical expression of that is a hard dick and watching somebody come. And so it, like, really turns me on a lot. We're just like, I'm turned on if you can't tell. sometime when we're chatting just us we'll tell stories of other you know, other funny phone sex. You know what I want to ask you guys

about is you moved in together like immediately right? Pretty quick. We say like the first date should just be like going to home goods and see if you just survive smelling all the candles. Like if you guys can deal with that shit like why wait? So a lot of people don't move in because they're like, oh like I don't think we're ready. Well then when are you going to be ready? If it's not the honeymoon phase, like I don't know.

So I think the pandemic. was just like, let's see if this is going to work and let's put together IKEA beds together two weeks in. And if we don't get in a fight, this might be something long term. Yeah, I mean, also, like if we're going to fail, it's fail fast. And we had such an intense longing with the separation period that once she was out, I don't know, just very quickly. Plus, don't forget, she was living with her parents. Like, we're still in the middle of pandemic. So I have this other option. You know, the whole honeymoon period thing is a real thing. I actually think it's not a bad time to move in together because the sort of fog of love

covers up a lot of shit that annoys you. Whereas if you've been together a long time, you move in together very quickly. It's just like, I like the forks the other way. That's smart. How long was it? Eight weeks, you guys moved in together? No. Like six weeks of Summerhouse and then?

Six weeks of Summerhouse. It was actually seven weeks of Summerhouse, but that's like... And then like two weeks, because immediately we were just like trying to spend much time together as possible. And Shelter Island and West Hampton are kind of far. And it became this like, he has to drive all the... Because I don't drive. was driving everywhere. And finally, it was actually such a non-romantic moment where he was just

kind of like, do you want to just stay? I love that. I was like, are you asking me? Like, do you actually want that? Or do you think I want that? Because I don't know what she... She's actually made, I'm just going to call you, she's making up this conversation. The whole living together thing was just like a very quick evolution. Yeah, it was, but it was a quick, like, not, it wasn't like, here's the key to my heart. Right. Like, it was, and I, but I, but I, but I, but I, couldn't tell if he was just being nice or if he actually wanted it, because I kind of wanted him to be like, babe, I can't live without you. But he was like, you should probably move in. And I was like, how bad do you want me to move in? He's like, just move in. Like, shut up.

She moved in with her cat, which was a problem because the second night she lived at me. So the second night, after she moved in with her cat, first night we slept together. Second night, like, the cat comes in like fucking waking me up like all night. And the cat was meowing. Yeah. So eventually she slept in another room with the cat. I was like, Jesus, Hannah, this is going great. It's fucking night two of our living together. And you're in the other room. I mean, a girl has priorities, okay? Butters number one, you're number two, you know that. Go off, queen. But also, guys, I've straight up turned into a suburban mom. Like, I kind of love that your listeners have heard me from before. Like, I walk a dog, run into, like, other moms. They're

like, oh my God, what kind of dog is that? Isn't the weather nice? That's my life right now. And I'm kind of, like, okay with it, which is super weird. Also, I, like, cook for him. I do Hello Fresh. I cook for him. And I'm like, wait, men love food so much. I should have just done this a long time ago. But I'm like, Hannah's hot take. I'm like, wait, people were right about this one.

I love this. Hannah's hot take. She's like, have you guys ever thought of cooking for a man? Like, I've literally never wanted to cook to do anything nice for a dude.

I don't know why that was my own issue. But for him, I'm like, I will make you a sandwich and I will enjoy watching you enjoy it. It helps when you're cooking for yourself too. How many sandwiches have you made for Desha? How many sandwiches? How many sandwiches is he made for me?

I've actually made. I'm not big into cooking, but I've made Hannah quite a few sandwiches. But she has definitely cooked more dinners for me. But I've, you know, ordered plenty of food for us. You guys, I've been like full-in-nesting. For her, wow, you really pushed your boundaries for her, dad. When you Uber eats in West Hampton, it's like, it takes them two hours to come and be like, this is the most I've ever driven in my life.

You guys, I did everything by the book that you shouldn't do. Like, you know, sex early, crying on the phone with him because of other drama. Being around your ex. Went to live with an ex-flame. Then when I got to his house... And talk to me about it. When I got to his house to move in... Do you know what I did?

I said, get a dumpster. We're throwing it all away. Like, literally... She didn't say get a... Like, Hannah, why are you... How did you with me? When you're on other podcasts... Did you not get a dumpster?

When you're on... Did you not get a dumpster? When you're on other podcasts, you can do this like, I'm so fucking tough. I'm fucking... But I'm with you now. But I'm with you now, so you can't play. I said we have to throw a lot away.

No, yeah. Like, I was very invent. He was like, Hannah, we got a bathroom trash can and we put two things in. We did get a dumpster. No, we got a dumpster. It was something I wanted to do, and I was very motivated by Hanna moving in, and I went with the motivation. But she wasn't like, get a fucking dumpster, and this shit's got to go. Hannah Bernice in town.

Like. But then when the joke is good for you, you post on Instagram being like, my girlfriend moved in, I have a dumpster now. No, I didn't know that. Hannah, I just said when your girlfriend moves in, because if one thing I learned from you, it's how to do a fucking meme, okay? And that's a positive. And we all learned here. And that's called a healthy fight.

I love how I guess unconventional, quote-unquote, you guys are. You fucked right away. You fell in love right away. You said, I love me right away. Unconventional makes it sound like, yeah, we have like people come over every night and we swap around. It's like, we've just done stuff a little quick. I mean, there's nothing that unconventional about what's going on. I just think that so many people are like, there's all these rules for getting a man.

You've got to play all these games. You've got to set it up perfectly. You've got to tee it up in a certain way. and I think that there's no one way to get a man. You just did what it felt good. Raina, do you know that I cried after he proposed to my parents and I cried and something just came out and I just said, this is something that I've worked the least at in my whole life.

I feel like my whole life I'm such a fighter and I'm a hustler and I grind and I just, I'm going to work as hard as I can to get something. And I've never worked less on something that just like happens. Lucky me. I got the fucking lazy version of Hannah Perner. I was waiting for Dan's to be like, I'm so lucky. She didn't do anything. Okay, she set that phone up.

Okay. We want to hear about the proposal and then we're going to move in. We're going to move in. I'm just like all the break. We're going to move on and talk about some. We got some funny stories from our listeners of like COVID engagements, pandemic proposals. We're going to just like read them to you guys and make you laugh. But just tell us about yours.

Our proposal? Well, I was trying to get there. I wanted to do it on Val. Valentine's Day. But the snow kept fucking me up. Oh, geez, yeah. I was supposed to go into the city, like on two times the snow got me. And then I'm not going to say where we got the ring, but just to say how romantic

jewelers are, I mentioned that I'm probably going to do it on Valentine's Day. And the jeweler was like, no, you know, don't take this the wrong way. But if you give it on a holiday, then you can never get it back. Just so, you know, legally, this is not the ideal day to give a ring. Oh, because it's a gift or like a holiday. Why? That's a legal thing? That's a legal thing, yeah.

Because it's a gift. Yeah. What? Yeah. Yeah, that's a real thing. I had known that before. I'd seen that before. Like on some part.

That makes sense. Because if it was your birthday or Christmas, you could be like, yeah, so like any holiday. Like, if you accidentally do it on Halloween and it doesn't work out,

like legally they don't have to give it back to it. Even Halloween. Okay, so don't propose on President's Day or July 4. Exactly. Don't propose on President's day. Or that's how you know it's real if they propose. on a holiday, so then you know they're not going to want it back on a holiday. You're like, what the fuck is this?

I better get proposed to you on a holiday now. Like, why isn't this a holiday? I don't want to burn a holiday. No, I want to have a specific holiday just for the engagement. So then for a Valentine's, because I wasn't going to do Valentine's card or anything, but for a Valentine's kind of intro, I made her like a little song, which goes back to the early part of our relationship, particularly when she was in the house, I used to make her like these funny songs.

Because humor is like a great big part of our relationship. and I said I would make like a little Valentine's song to kind of tee it up and then at the end of the song I say, I have a surprise for you and then, well, I didn't... But I woke up with him like, I guess he's practicing it or trying to get the words. No, I wasn't practicing it.

I was improvising. He was improvising. I'm not happy. So I'm just hearing him singing in the other room and I'm like, what is he doing? By the way, I use these dumb apps. I wasn't just like, it wasn't like me coming in me like, baby I love you.

It's like an auto tune. It's like a funny, it's a funny auto tune app. But he was just like singing. And then he texts me and it's the video. And I kind of watch it. And then he's like, wait, wait, played again, play it again. Yeah, she watched it while I was fucking taking a piss.

First of all, I didn't know she was awake yet. I didn't know she was awake. So then I'm taking a piss and she's like, she's like, I got your video. No, I sent the text on it would be on her phone. I wasn't going to show on my phone. Is that what I sound like? Is that what I sound like?

I'm telling the story of our proposal. Don't fuck it up like you did on the day. So, uh, anyway. So then I came in and she watched it again. We watched it together. Then I proposed. And actually, the funny thing about proposals is there's so much like prep that goes into it.

It almost like took me by surprise the magnitude of the situation in that I did it. And then she was like, are you joking? And I was like, I thought this whole thing was a bit. I thought we were joking from the beginning. Falling crying. She just,

you know, she started crying. I always wanted to cry. You know what like people cry when they get proposed to? I'm like, that's real fucking happiness. like crying. Yeah.

I didn't. If I don't cry, like, I guess I don't like him. So I was like trying to cry. Well, Raina. Shut. Come on now. That is not what happened. You had a spontaneous emotional moment.

Don't act like you were in control. That is so amazing. But it is like, I kind of can understand thinking for a second that it could be a joke. And then you're not emotionally in that space. And then you're like, wait, what am I? What is going on? Oh, no, you're right. So when I got proposed to, I thought, I was like, what is how?

It caught me. surprise. Is Ashley going to come out? Well, Des, you did a great job. Yes, we are, we love it. Well, we just want to run through a couple of these, uh, of our listener submissions just to like make you guys laugh and we can chat about them after. But, uh, is that cool with you guys to wrap?

Hell yeah. Let's do it. We love laughing at other people's expense. Okay. So these are, we asked our listeners just, we left it pretty open-ended because they, they always deliver. Just like COVID engagements, pandemic proposals, whatever you want to call them. Give us like the good, bad, the ugly, all the things.

Um, so let's just kick a, off strong. I got married in May, just filed for a divorce today. I saw a cute sunset proposal and then they proceeded to put their masks back on and kiss the mask on kissing photos. What the fuck? My now fiancee proposed at my family's cabin in northern Minnesota, all caps while I had COVID. That's not what you want. I... Unless he cheers you up, I guess. Yeah, it's the cure. Love is the cure. I decided to propose to my fiancé, and he is the one with the engagement ring. We saw a lot of this, you guys.

Like, we had hundreds of responses, and I would say I saw like, I don't know, five to ten of women proposing. So I'm like, go off. Oh, yeah. My friend eloped and lied to us about it so she could still have her bachelorette party. That is so fucked up. We have some more for you guys. I got engaged in the woods because where else is there to get engaged during COVID?

My, broke off my engagement because my man fingered a 40-year-old woman in the basement while I slept. Nothing wrong with 40-year-old women. I love getting married. Yeah, I was just going to say, like, what's the context of the 40-year-old woman? I know. She's probably like 25, but she's like, this old lady. Four-year-olds know what they're doing. Yeah, I love getting fingered.

Can't recommend it enough. Witnessed a virtual wedding in which the groom's vows included the phrase, it hit different. Oh, shit. And then this one is my favorite. You'll like this. Got proposed to, with a cameo of Countess Luann. Oh, that's nice. We like that.

I like it too. I got to tell you, I saw Countess Luan at an airport in Pittsburgh once at the Fridays at 8 a.m. recording cameo videos. Shut up. It was hysterical. They make dough from that. Good for her. Always hustling and spreading love.

And that's Hannah's buddy. And Countess Luan is the reason why we're together. I know. It always comes down to the Countess. I hope she's saying it. Okay, I was proposed to while naked and bent over the tub, clipping my toenails, romance. My cousin scheduled her wedding for the same day as mine, which I had to reschedule due to COVID. Wow.

She's like, so your date's open is what you're saying to me. She took all the vendors. I know someone who got engaged, married, and divorced all within the pandemic. That is impressive. This one, I feel like the ring story. This will resonate with you guys. My poor fiancé ordered the ring on March 13th, L.O.L. 2020, couldn't pick it up for months.

The store closed. And when they started allowing pickups, they left it hanging on a tree branch outside for him. No. It's cute. But he couldn't even get it for months. It's just like the store's closed. Sorry.

Sorry about your left. Also, it sounds like a Starbucks order. They just leave it out for people to pick up online. That's my Chilante, bitch. The second oak tree to the left. Okay. Literally watched my ex live stream his awkward ass proposal. love to see it.

Declined my ex's proposal in April. Maybe it was the pandemic. Maybe it's because I actually hate military men. And a guy from high school proposed his fiance via Zoom with an empty ringbox. I have receipts. Oh, my God. He's like TBD. We saw so many Zoom proposals.

And I'm like, I get it if you're like deployed overseas. Like I understand, but it's just like that is not what anyone wants. No. I just can't get over engaged, married, and divorced all within. They move fast. I feel like the pandemic really sped up everything in terms of relationships, though, so you fall in love quicker. Definitely different.

You realize you hate somebody quicker, all of it, you know? Well, you guys know, some people in New York City are literally, they won't break up because they're just too busy to break up. Like, he has meetings all week. Then I'm going to Mexico with my friends. And then next week is crazy work for me. And actually, you know, it's been six more months and you're too busy to break up. That is my half birthday.

But you really, now you just can make life decisions because life has kind of stopped. And I think it's beautiful. I know some girl who got divorced after eight years the day before shut down. And then she was kind of single for the first time. But I think like everyone's figuring out we're doing the best we can. Yeah. And I hope someone who felt similar to how I felt a couple months ago has some hope that you just be yourself and see what sticks. I love that.

Hannah's motivational speech. I'm sorry. I just decided to go on now. We love to wrap up with something. I think you guys are inspirational. I think you, like, bucked the trends, and you did what you wanted, and it moved fast, and who cares? You know, I still love that.

Don't email comedians. Like, just don't. Do you know what's funny? Nobody from my side says it went fast. Oh, really? Yeah, because, you know, when you're 45, they're like, hurry the fuck. Yeah, they're like, he was way behind to begin with. Not her up.

Yeah. I just like, thank God. Get it going. But also the reason that we didn't match on Raya is because he was out of my age range. Just want to make that way. Which was reassuring to me, actually. So, guys, change your age. Just, like, stop trying to envision this, like, materialistic person.

Should I do that? Should I mean? Make sure they're above. Why is what? Should I go higher? Ashley, go above 20. I mean, too. I did take it down a little.

To 21. No, I did, because I was saying I was only going to date guys over 30 in the new year. But then I was like, this isn't working out. So I did, I went down to 29. That's your youngest? Yeah, but right now I'm literally talking to someone even younger than that. So it's like, I don't know. You've got to make it younger.

I made mine older. I was like, I saw a 32 year old in there and I was like, I don't know. It's like 29 to 41 or something. I like that age range. I think that's a perfect age range. Yeah, that's the perfect age range. Or you never know what you might be missing out on. That's what I'm saying.

Okay. All right. How about we do 21 to 50? I think you should bang it up to 50. There's a couple of like 49 year old gems in there. I'll tell you that. Oh, yeah. There's a couple of ones in there in that age range.

You work for the rest of your life. You could do well with an older dude because older guys love a confident woman and they really can handle it. And I think a lot of guys in my age were very comparie with me. And like they would be insecure about their own shit. So I see a zaddy for you guys possibly. Yeah, I just like I do, I've told us in your podcast. Like I just feel like I have a younger energy just because of what we do for a living

and the way that I live my life. We have a lot of freedoms. You know, my mom is young energy. It's just, you know, friends of the family, our listeners, keep us young. So I'm just kind of looking for a partner who has that same type of energy. It can be at any age. You know, I think that there's like 30-year-olds I wouldn't date because they seem like kind of like old and boring. You know what I mean?

And then there's going to be 45-year-olds like, does that are just like fun and fun and cool. You're awesome. We love you. We love you. Can you guys tell everybody where to find you both? Obviously, we'll tag the podcast and everything, but how to find you guys, your Instagram's your podcast, how we can follow along on the wedding registry. Your joint Facebook account. Yeah.

And before we're pregnant, we're going to have a baby's Instagram. That's a big thing that the celebs are doing. Baby's Instagrams. There's been no baby discussions. Everything's been fast. But Hannah just said that, like, as if a baby is on the way. There was no baby on the way. She just went full Clarendale on you. Yeah. She was like, babies. We have to have a chance to have fun. And I'm at Desbishop. It's DES. It's Desmond Bishop. But don't look up Desmond Bishop because he was a, linebacker for the Green Bay Packer.

So it's Des Bishop D-E-S. B-I-S. and my Instagram is at Being Burns and you guys should definitely watch Chat Room. It's my new show that I have. Every Sunday, I talk so much crap with Giselle and Portia. Sundays at 10pm and watch Summer House Thursdays at 9 p.m. Eastern.

It is spicy. And I don't watch it. There was actually a very early question in our conversation which we never got into. He doesn't watch it because I cried to him about it every night and he knows what happened. I don't plug the show. I would tell you to watch it. Not to mention that like the first, like, I actually, I was getting weak at the beginning. It was getting exciting.

The season was coming up. And I was like, ah, you know what? Fuck it. I think I'll watch it. And like, within the first two minutes of Hannah being on, she's like, I'm going to hump a tree. I'm going to hump a day. I'm going to hump Luke. And I was like, you know what?

I'm fucking out of here with this. I'm fucking out of here with this. I'm so sorry. It was so funny. No, it wasn't then. I watched it myself. And then I was like, I'm out. Like, I am just so not dealing with this.

I get it. Yeah. love you guys both. You're a great couple. Congratulations. Des was great to meet you. Des, I'll see tomorrow. And then we'll submit this to Bravo for the whole like breakup show. We have planned. We love that. So wait, did we get the girls got to eat stamp of approval? For what? Us? Just as a couple. Oh, you guys employed? Yeah. Oh, it's a couple. Yes, absolutely. But yeah, that one fight I was like on the fence, but you guys.

We have a couple flarrows. Those are joke fights. Sure. No, totally, totally. Yeah. Thank you guys. Thank you guys. We love you. Bye. Bye. And you guys know where to find us. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com.

Remember to sign it for the newsletter. If you haven't already, updates coming soon. We are at Girls Got to Eat Podcast on Instagram. Ash Hess, reina. at Greenberg on Instagram, Girls underscore Got to Eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Got to Eat.

And we will see you next week. Thanks, guys. Have a good week. Bye.