Girls Gotta Eat - Positive Influence feat. Comedian Sam Morril

Episode Date: October 8, 2018

Is Sam Morril a Positive Influence (ie. the title of his recent Comedy Central special)? We brought him in to find out, and chat about all things dating -- Are women always trying to change men?, What's the secret to not cheating?, condoms (yay or nay), critical mothers, lost loves, and more. We also play an explicit game of Is This Weird? (ass play anyone?), and Rayna and Ashley chat/rant about fall activities. Enjoy! Check out Sam's special streaming now on Comedy Central. Follow Girls Gotta Eat on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, subscribe/rate/review, and check our website for tour dates and merchandise. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I tried to change him, but didn't work. Yeah, what do you try to change him in now? I just, like, somebody that I enjoyed being with. But it's like the one requirement of someone I want to date. Back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Another great week. Another great week.

We are here at Mouth Media, powered by Senheiser, as always. Another thing I feel passionately about is that we have a really exciting week coming up. Oh, oh, oh, I thought you were going to start your, your rant. No, later. But we'll give it the end of the road. I'm excited. It's our first road tour.

First of many. First of road show. Fucking traveling circus. We, uh, so this is Monday. We are going to be celebrating our friendship anniversary. Oh, my God. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

At Atlanta. At a sold-out show in Ashley's 10-year. What do you call it? You lived somewhere for 10 years. It's not a hometown. Is there a name? Previous place you lived? Yeah.

A former Atlantan. I guess. Yeah, I've lived there for 10 years. So I'm going to meet some of Ashley's friends. We're going to celebrate our anniversary with a sold-out live show. And then two days later, we got on the road. We go to Nashville. And then I'm going to a wedding. So I have a packed schedule.

You really do. I'm really going to be at the wedding. So at this wedding is going to be the same guy that I slept with at the last wedding I went to in June. So hopefully we'll have some repeat business. You guys can stay tuned for that. I just like to recycle. It's less work. You don't have to do the like getting to know you.

You don't do all the leg work. Yeah. I know exactly like which buttons to push to make you come. It's like I got it. I don't need to like learn about your family or ask questions about what you do for a job. Like I don't have to do any of those things. It's just like you down 100. Just send back a text message.

It says 100. That's it. Right. It's like sometimes where you're like, oh, do I want to start a new series on Netflix? But instead you just watch Friends reruns. Like you up the office. You know, yeah. Watch the friends, watch the office.

Just let it wash over me like an old boyfriend. You don't think that hard about it. Yeah. So stay tuned. We will give you guys updates on that. But follow along guys all week because we'll be doing these shows and, you know, we're going to be posting stories. We're going to be in Atlanta and Nashville.

I don't know. Could still be tickets left? We're not sure. Definitely meet and greets left. Probably a few meet and greets left for Atlanta. We have those gift bags. You can still add them on your existing ticket, but regular general mission is sold out. And then there could be Nashville tickets left.

So check them out. and Lev will be with us, as we mentioned before. So follow along. Can't wait. I'm super excited. You guys had a week off from me last week, so we're going back to school. Guys, make sure you are still rating and reviewing us on iTunes. We love to read them to each other as bedtime stories.

But if you know, if you're not feeling very, like, literarily inclined, just go ahead and leave a rating, not a review. Just hit that five stars. Literally. There she is. Guys, I haven't had a drink in a week. That's not a word. Literarily inclined. She's making up words.

It's a word. Literally. Literally. Literally. It doesn't matter. The point is I was just trying to find a way to plug that I haven't drank in a week. Yeah. You look great.

Thank you. I always can tell her right hasn't drank. Her skin's like glowing. We're not going to anti-alcohol ads. There's so many wrong with me, but my skin is really nice. That's good. Anyways, please keep leaving Ray. Hopefully this week we will release our fall line, which Ashley lasts a mirror to my day.

Our fall line. So stay tuned for merchandise, but keep sending us your cute merchandise picks. We love that. Yeah, you guys look so cute. I'm wearing one of the shirts right now. You look great in it. I love it. It's a great everyday shirt.

Thanks. Thanks. Okay. Speaking of fall. I want to do a PSA about Apple picking. Let's talk about Apple picking. You are so pissed. Okay, here's the thing.

We both have such cute brothers, right? We love our brothers so much. Yes. They're both in relationships. Raina's brother is married. Mine stating someone that I really like her a lot. And she posted a picture of them at the Eagles game. It was very cute.

And right at the exact same time in my timeline, a picture of Raina's brother and his wife, Apple Picking, showed up. And I just sent it to Raina, like, look how cute, right? Look at our cute brothers. And she was like, no. The full rant on Apple picking. Okay, I just want to say this has nothing to do with me being single or bitter about being single. I didn't like doing this when I was in a relationship.

Apple picking is the biggest conspiracy crock of shit. Oh my God. It is a conspiracy by the pie shell companies. The what? The pie shell companies. Every company in the grocery store that sells pie shells. Apple picking is a conspiracy by them. Okay.

Let me just give you the reasons. why apple picking is not fun. It's dirty. I don't want to be out of farm. Okay. We have evolved as a society far enough that I feel like most of us don't need to go to a farm to get our produce. You live by a bodega or a grocery store. There's no need. You need to go carry a giant sack full of fruit through a dirty farm. I love farms. I'm hearing someone on a farm. Who carries the apple sack? You can finish your rant because I have a rebuttal. You want to carry an apple sack? I'll carry an apple sack. I love apples. I'm very passionate. I'm very passionate. I'm very about apples. And here's the deal, right? I'll tell you this. I dated somebody that we weren't allowed

to do any fall activities except watch football. So any fall activity is fine with me. I'll go pick apples. I'll go the pumpkin patch. I'll put on a cute little fall outfit with boots and a scarf. All I wanted to do is go apple picking. Okay, but like this is not a fair rebuttal. It's like a little kid that was told to like they couldn't play outside growing up. Of course, all that came wants to use play outside. I like activities. Like I... I love activities. I'll go to a football game.

Love sporting events. Okay. What I'm saying is I don't want to do that. I want to go fucking apple picking in my cute outfit and get the cute pictures. I don't know. I've seen like cute little apple picking excursions, especially like upstate New York. Like I'm here for it. Or I could just be like desperate for a date.

I don't understand. I don't need that quantity of apples. I don't need that quality of apples. We live in a. modern day society. We don't need to go to a farm to pick our produce, okay? Do you want to go to a pumpkin batch? No, I don't want to do anything in the dirt.

Nothing cute and fall? Listen, the only reason... It's not the dirt. You're not like, it's like your fucking pigs die. Let me ask you a question. If they told you on the way up to the farm that you had to check your phones and you couldn't bring it into the farm, no cameras. Would you still want to go?

I'd be disappointed. No photos? I'd still probably enjoy the experience. I'm there for the photos. I'm there for the cute. I'm wearing fall boots and a flannel photos. Look. I'll share a picture of my brother and his wife on our story.

He's so cute. But he wants to take me apple picking. I wasn't allowed to do any fall activities in my last relationship. PTSD. I have so much PTSD. Listen, I'm going to call in an expert witness that's a farmer and explain to you why this is bullshit. People from Mott's apple juice. I'm going to call them too.

You guys, stay tuned for the rebuttal. I hate apple picking. It's bullshit. Don't want to do it. Don't want to carry things or be dirty. I hate it. I don't need this quantity of apples. I don't need to go home with 75 apples.

Every time I go, I come home with 75 apples. You're right. It's a lot of apples. What do I need that many apples for? Apples sauce, apples on pork, apple pie. What else am I going to do? Like a whole forest gum situation right now. Grilled apples, fried apples, boiled apples,

apples, apple tar, cars. Grits. Anyways, hate it. Don't want to do it. But if you want to buy me tickets to any football game ever, I'm for it. Don't want to go to a football game with you. But I would like to go Apple Picky. Look at us.

Disagreing. Healthy argument. Love you. Speaking of dates that we want to go on, you set up a little date this week. I want to address something that's been going on in our relationship. I have a date this week. You're not calling it a date because you don't. don't want me to come. You don't want me to suggest that I want to come. You're like, it's no big

deal. It's casual. Well, all right. So Rain and I are in a full-blown business partnership career. Everything's tied in with each other now. So we deal with a lot of people, men, women. Honestly, a lot of men. I don't know how to specify men and women. Like, we deal with a lot of people, 50% men, probably. Like the people that like run our lives and work for us. Yeah. No, no, no. Maybe like half and half. Whatever. It's mostly men. whatever. Maybe it's like, whatever, two-thirds. And we are encountering different people here and there that are important to us for networking and these kind of things. And there was somebody that, like, wanted to meet with me and Raina together.

Like, met us together. It was like, oh, we should all go out together for lunch or something. And what did you say to me? Well, now I'm just going to lunch with him. Did she get to me like you were into him? And then she just, like, casually mentioned that she had made plans with him. without me. Like, it was no... Like, we were on our way, like, down the street into an Uber, and she's like, oh, by the way, my plans of them anyways. Okay, back. Like, really casual.

I was like, I have lunch with so-and-so this week. You were like, I'm sorry, what? It's not that I need to come. I just like that you try to skirt it, like... Well, I don't think it's a date. Here's the thing. That's okay. I'm trying to date half of people that work for us. We really... Right. And I have, like, a great... Like, we just don't go for the same guys. It's really nice. Like, there's another guy that we kind of work with on some things. And like, he and Rayno, we're on a group text with him for necessary work purposes and they'll like start flirting and I'm like I'll see myself out like this is so weird like he said he had like to go on this some sort of interview or call and random was like good luck like

winky face I'm like I can't this is business what are you doing like I swear I had to like tell her when we first started working with them like please include me in any important medians because I know that you'll just go to drinks with him on your own telling me you're out of town I was like you can do it you can do whatever you want but please just keep me informed of the decisions that are made on behalf of me. I like that you had to like beg me to actually include you in business decisions. You know we have like a side text where we flirt with each other. I know you do.

I'm very aware. Or he like tells me what he did over the weekend and things. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. I don't know. It's funny. We have yet to like even slightly like the same guy fight over a guy. Which is nice. I can't.

The guys that you would go out, I can't reach them. You're foot taller than me. When am I going to go out? The guy is 6.6. I can't even like reach the people that you would date. You're right, the limit does not exist. Speaking of tall guys, no, I'm just kidding. Do we have somebody tall coming here tonight?

He's tall. Is he? I didn't Google his stats. Did you? Yes, remember we were trying to figure out his age. I was like, the internet failed me. I was like Wikipedia. I couldn't figure it out.

Second, he walks in here, I'm asking his age. I couldn't find it. I've never not been able to find something on the internet. I think this is actually kind of funny that, like, failed. Like, this guy isn't, like, I could understand somebody like A-less celebrity, status, like they're publicist burying things about them. But, like, this guy somehow, like, got his age-buried. Anyway.

All right, without further ado, we have another comedian in the studio this week, which is one of our favorite things. So please welcome Sam Morrell. Hi. Hey. Glad to have you. I like this. What do you like about it specifically?

Just three Jews staring each other down. I'm not a Jew. I'm not a Jew. I'm always, like, the one non-Jew. Really? You seem like a Jew. What about her amidst Jewiness? My nose.

Yeah, well, if I say it, I'm going to sound like a jerk. No, no, just your personality. Just the way, I don't know. No, that's fine. I didn't mean it. Like, it's a compliment. She seems like she, like, wants you to bring, like, your bank statement to a date. Really?

Is that what seems Jewish about her? Oh, man. I seem successful, right? Yes, that's what it was. You know, my mom, I talked to my mom on the phone last week about, because she just saw that movie straight out of Compton. And, you know, the manager's Jewish. And that, like, the manager who rips them off.

Right. She was like, why do you have to be a Jew? and I was like, because it's based on a real story. They're not trying to upset you. But it was like, that's, so whenever I hear like a money thing, I'm like the fence of Jews. No, every time, when we did you up, it was like three Jews and then me in the room and everybody made a joke and I just laughed along. We were talking about Passover and she just like sort of laughed along.

Sure. I'm honorary. Sure. I'm honorary. I feel it. I feel a good Jewy energy. And my last name's kind of Jewy? Is that a thing I can say?

What's your last name, Ashley? Hesseltine. Hesseltine. That sounds like a German beard. That doesn't sound like a Jewie. No, it's because they hear like Stein. Right. You know.

True. We hear we want to hear. We want to make you into a Jew. I feel like with comedians specifically, we always like 10 minutes into the episode, we still like introduced who the person is. They're like, who the fuck is talking? You said his name.

So can you introduce yourself? Where are you from? What do you do? My name's Samarelle. I'm from New York City. I'm a stand-up comic. I still live here, obviously. and what else?

How old are you? We don't want to know how old you are. I'm 32. You're 32? Okay. What are we going to guess? We couldn't guess. We were Googling you last night to see how old you are.

I think I've one of those things. Your age is like hard to find. They can't tell them 40 or 25, I feel like. I totally can agree. Like you're, yeah. You're like just graduated high school or you're like my dad. You just look like a white guy. I don't know.

You can be 25 or 45. Wait, who do people tell you look like? I get so many. And they're never good. They're never. It's never like. like thanks for, you know, it's always like, Mr. Bean. I'm like, all right.

Or like I've got an, I get Michael Phelps, but it's always with like a mean adjectives attached. It's never like you look like Michael Phelps. It's like you look like a less fit Michael Phelps. I'm like, yeah, I didn't assume like I look like him physically. Your face is more attracted than Michael Phelves, but I see the resemblance. His face is a little fucked. I feel like he's a handsome guy. You do?

Yeah, because we look alike. I have to. I have to stand up for him. No, no, I think he's fine. I think he's like, if you saw him in person, he probably he's a good-looking guy, but he's, you know, I don't know. I mean, he's an Olympic swimmer. Like, of course, I think that's hot.

Success is hot. I'm more red. I think Mr. Bean's pretty handsome, too. I think he's a good-looking dude. Yeah, you're like his son. I mean, how much are you going to be complimented by somebody telling you, like, what you look like? Nobody's ever, like, you look like, you look like Jazeel. One time a guy said I look like George Clooney's failed clone.

So if I get anyone good looking, it's always, like, attach to something really named. I thought that was kind of a funny line. For me, it's, like, some actress before she got. skinny. But that's what people, and no one's ever, you never get just like a, and the people that really believe it, it's always like someone who's like, I look like Beyonce and I'm like, you're 300 pounds. It's always someone who's like super confident in it.

Well, and people, when someone starts to say, like, you know, you look like I like run away. Like one time someone was like Donna Karen and I was like, oh, I bet she, I didn't know what she looked like. I was like, I bet she's beautiful. Nope. She's like Googled her. She's not pretty at all. She's 30 years older than you are.

It's like a weird person to look like. It was a bummer. Anyways. You can't give a 30. That's not even nice. Okay. So you have a Comedy Central special. Yeah.

When did that come about? It came out September 14th, but it's streaming now on cc.com slash samarel, M-O-R-R-I-L. Cool. We'll remind everybody at the end of the episode, too. Like, we want to find you. It's great. It was great. Can you say, can you tell us where that was filmed?

It was filmed in like, this is a real bombshell. No, I can't talk about it. It's very personal. No, it was a film in Brooklyn at right by the Barclay Center at this venue called Roulette, which is a beautiful. And then my friend Krista Stefano completely ripped me off and she was the same venue for his special. Oh, really? And it was comedy center was like, yeah, we'll double dip. And I'm like, you know, I kind of picked, I put a lot of thought in this place.

Well, yeah, I visited a few places. It looked awesome. Yeah, we were talking about stealing it from you last night. We were like, you know what we should perform as we're going to look different. That's the thing is like they make it look different. So they say, we'll see. So what I say. What do you like to talk about in comedy?

Do you lean on, like, dating stuff? I love dating stuff, yeah, because it's relatable. Right. It's like anyone can, you can talk about dating and anyone can, you know, everyone's felt heartbreak or been in a relationship. And, yeah, I find that on the road is a way to connect for sure. Yeah. Well, that's like why this podcast got so popular.

And are you dating? No, I'm single. I'm single. I just had lunch with a friend. She's like, everyone, every girl I have lunch with her. She's married. She's like, I need to set you up. I have all these friends.

friends and I'm just like, I'm not here that often, so it's kind of hard. I'm on the road so much. Well, that's a good way to know how your friends think about you, though. It feels good. Who they set you up with? No, and sometimes it does not feel good. I ask for a picture. I ask some background.

I want to know who the person is, of course. I'm not just going on like, I'm not going in there blind. But you can, that can be very flattering or very insulting when they're like, I want to set you up with this person. And it's like, you know. No, I think they know that I'm so against it that they usually give me good leads. Yeah, yeah. So it was funny in your special.

You said that you had a girlfriend, you never cheated, just because, like, no one wanted to fuck you. Right. That's my secret. That's my secret to staying faithful. And people are, what is it? I'm like, no one fucked me. No one wanted to have sex with me. Now that can't happen.

Like, you're, like, coming into fame now. You're to come me Central Special. I want to call it Fame. Jesus. I don't know. More famous than we are. Argue, but I don't know. I don't know.

I was in charge of making guests feel really comfortable and good up front. So we're like, you know what we want to talk about? Nobody wants to fuck. I'm going to roast you later. No, I don't know. You must get girls, like, approaching you. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Sometimes. Yeah. Do you ever? I'm always skeptical. Like, I have that. I always talk to my friend about this. It's like the Annie Hall thing, you know, Groucho Marx. You never want to be a club that would have something like you as a member.

Right. So I definitely went, like, well, she's into me. What is wrong with? Totally. What is this? Get a live loser. I definitely have that feeling. I, sometimes if a girl messages me and then I'm just like, what are we going to, what is this?

I don't know. I'm also scared to meet someone. Like, I like meeting someone in a bar. I don't like the DM slide. No, no, no, no. Me too. Like, we did a whole episode on like meeting guys in the wild because, I mean, the app stuff sucks. I don't like it.

I don't feel like I come across as well on apps. I feel like I always do better in person. Yeah. I just like, I'm not big on it. Do you ever do the apps? I've done it. Yeah, I've definitely done it, but I just, it's not for me, really. Have you ever listed what you do for, do you list what you do as an occupation?

My friend, who's a comic, made my profile. So she made my profile. So she said she was, she's very blunt in her way. She's very forward. So she was like, I think something like along the lines of yeah, I'm a comic, whatever. Like here's my Instagram or whatever. And so she just posted all that stuff. And I was like, you think this good?

She's like, yeah, I think it's good. So I just went with that. Okay. We were talking about like what her and I would put on our dating profiles as an occupation. And she put self-employed. So I did too. And then a guy friend of mine was like, that sounds terrible. Like, and then in my mind, I'm like, oh, like it sounds like I'm like making candles

in a basement in Brooklyn or something. So I was like, entrepreneur. That's what you put. Interesting. But then entrepreneur sometimes sound like some guy who's like, I'm an entrepreneur. And he's just like selling his mixtape and like the 7-Eleven parking lot. It sexifies self-employed to me. I don't put comedian.

I don't, that's just super, I don't want that at all. I don't want that kind of weird attention. Like I think guys think it's like, it's the word. I think guys are, A, a lot of guys want to be the funny one. And also guys are, they're worried. going to be in your act somehow? Well, I think women worry about that. It's just like, I'm like a clown.

You know, like, they're like, oh, I would like to go out with that girl for, for, like, the story. I don't really know. I don't. Is that one of that? I just don't, I just don't want. Some guys are traditional in that way where they want to be the funny one. It's like, well, if they're dating a comic, they're just not going to be the funny.

They just got to get over that. I get some really crazy ones where the people just, like, this one girl, she just keeps sending me, like, Instagram videos that I guess she thinks are funny. And I'm just like, I'm not going to watch all that. I can't like all these. This is crazy. She tries to impress you with her humor. Yeah, but it's not even her.

She's just like a good taste in humor, I guess. And then she also, I just feel like some people will show forward that I'm kind of put off. Well, I'm like, it's a hard balance to strike because obviously confidence is sexy, but I don't know. I mean, we ask guys, a lot of the guys that come on here, like, what do you think of a girl just straight up asks you out on a date? And like, sometimes we'll have to, like, drag the answer. out of them and they'll be like, actually, I don't want that. It depends. It always depends. There's no, like, there's no playbook, really.

It's just what you're feeling in that moment. I just think that, like, everybody always is looking for, like, what's the answer? Am I too bold? Am I too confident? Am I too funny? Am I not funny enough? And, like, I think you hit it on the head. But, like, there's never an answer.

And every day of the week, you might be feeling something different. And it's just like a tone of voice or a smell or, like, the way somebody moves. And that's why meeting in person is so great. Right. You don't have to weed out those things as much. Meeting in person is nice. I used to hang out after my shows and now I'm always gone. I've noticed if I do get a DM, it's usually after I run my hour at the comedy

seller because it's like, I think maybe they see, if I'm doing 15 minutes, they see just like a quick set, but if I do an hour, they're like, oh, I learned a lot about this guy. They've like fallen in love. I don't go that far, but they've been like, oh, I know enough. It takes the full hour. I know enough to know his flaws and blah, blah, blah. When you were in a serious relationship, were you traveling a lot?

New Road was that a problem? Yeah, it's always a problem. And then she lived in Los Angeles. So that was a problem too. We were long distance for the long, but she traveled a lot too. So that made it a little easier that we both were not home. And then she came and lived here for a while for a job. And then, you know, it was, yeah, I always say this,

but stability, I think, is it's a sign of stability when you can have consistent dinners with someone. Yeah. And I'm just not that guy. So I totally, I get it. I tell people they get it. I'm like, if this is a deal breaker, I totally understand. I'm gone like almost every weekend.

Yeah, it's a lifestyle thing. All right. So I like this idea of changing somebody and like, you do, do that. And that's not sort of we wanted to talk about today because we got a little bit of that from your special. Yeah. And like, you know, the Beyonce, let me upgrade you. Yeah, you were like, there's a song that what the, like, love you just the way you are. Yeah, Billy Joel's the way.

The girl version is, let me upgrade you. No, no, yeah. I say, Billy Joel, there's no female version of that. There's no song. It'd be called You Are My Project. Right. Yeah. I do still, I mean, guys do try to change women, too.

that's not entirely true. I was just talking about my experience in my last relationship. I think guys do try to change women. Yeah. I mean, I personally don't, I don't want another fixer-upper. Like, I kind of been there, done that. Like, I want, like, a fully formed human male. I love rescuing women.

I don't want to rescue anybody. I want you to, like, make me better. I'm over it. I've been there, done that. But I just think sometimes women, they just want the best for you. And they're like, but I think that, all right, maybe, and I like that you have a different opinion than us, but I think a lot of times what we hear from girls in my experiences that there's this negative connotation that like women try to like change a man.

And like I don't think I've never, I'm not one of those like fixer up. I try to change my ex all that. I would say stop trying to break up with me every week. Could you change that about you? Okay. So you tried to change her to not break up with you. But was she trying to like change you? Do you feel like?

Yeah. Or have you, not even your specific ex, but like have you been in relationships with girls? I think in some ways. Yeah, I think every girl if they tried to change me a little bit. Yeah, for sure. In what ways? Well, I just had lunch with a friend and, uh, she, was telling me about this girl. She went to college with this girl. I dated when I was much

younger. And both her parents were psychiatrists, which was like, holy shit, talk about being analyzed at the dinner table. Like, she would use this in fights all the time. Like, I mean, she would just, I felt like she manipulated me a lot, like in arguments. I remember I first met my biological father when I started dating her. She pushed me to meet him. And in arguments, she would say, who are you really yelling at? And I'd be like, that's not fair. Oh, but I couldn't do That's not cool. I couldn't handle that. Like some, like my partner like psychoanalyze me all the time.

What a great way to deflect though? Like every time you got an argument with somebody. That was young and dumb and I was like, maybe I am really mad at him. I was like, wait a second. You cheated on me. This is you. I'm totally mad at you. She's like a Jedi mind tricker.

It was good. That was the two psychiatrists. Yeah. And then I guess every girl of days like a little, I think this, if it was changing, there was, she wanted me to be more in touch with that stuff or she just wanted to manipulate me, whatever. And then there's other girls that have been, the schedule has been an issue for sure,

but the last girl was a comic, so she was totally down with that. She didn't care. Right. Well, to some extent, like your career, I don't know that you can change somebody. If they've chosen a career that makes them work until 12 o'clock at night or 2M

or whatever and travel all the time, like I don't know that's something you can change about somebody. You can choose to not date a comedian. Absolutely, yeah. You can't be like, hey, can you change your career path you're on for me? I don't know. Well, yeah, that's not someone who cares about you.

I don't think people that do that to you are, they have your best interests in heart. And I wouldn't want to sacrifice my career for anyone. You know, I love what I do. And it's been a while since, like, I was at the cellar late last night, drank him with a friend. And apparel spritz by the pint glass. It just kept refilling it. That's what she drank. So I was like, I'm in, let's do it.

She specifically requested it in a pint glass? Yeah. That's how she rolls. I kind of like it. We're at the fab, like, pussycat around the block from the cellar. And, of course, like, people keep popping in. And we just keep getting like, man, comics are so fucked up. It's so great.

But anyway, I was drink with her and I'm like, oh, we both are non-relationships. We're both, oh, she's kind of in a relationship. But like, she's in no rush to get home to him. And I'm like, oh, if I really love someone, like my ex, I really would like, I would rush home excited to see her. Yeah. Not to the, where I would blow off work, but I blow off the hang a little bit to see. Yeah. And that's the thing.

Like, we've talked about this before. Like, Raina dated somebody. he worked in the restaurant industry and she'd be like, can you come home at just like two instead of five? You know, like, it was like not... You're the most reasonable girlfriend ever. Well, here's the thing. I realized that like I wasn't going to be awake whether you came home at two or five, but the next day, I wanted you to wake up at like a reasonably normal time so we could like spend a half hour together. And like hang out for like an hour.

I don't want like good morning, beautiful text at two o'clock in the afternoon. Like I just didn't love that. Oh my God. I don't like when guys are men, in my case, women, but I don't like when I have female friends who tell me this, well, guys are like overcompensating. They're making up for maybe a lack of effort. So they're sending texts like, good morning, beautiful.

It's like, we'll fucking show up a little bit too. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, don't even get me start, like on words versus actions. I'm just like, I don't know. They're just fucking words. Show me. Yeah. But I think, I think it's like Sashir Zamata.

Did I say that right? Yeah. I love a bit that she does. And she's like, any guy that you date that has like great habits. are like great fashion manners, certain things that he's very thoughtful in a relationship. Like you can thank the girlfriend before you. Right. Don't thank him.

Text her. Just like she dated. I forget what her story was. It was like, I don't know, some guy who like took his shoes off when he came in the apartment and she was like, you were taught that. That's funny. It's just, it's kind of true. And that's why I think.

Either that or he had a helicopter mom. Or the mom, yeah. But I think sometimes the girls leave their exes better for the next one. I love Amy Schumer's joke about how she's like whenever you meet the mom, the mom's always like, oh, but I wanted to fuck him. That's such a fucking hilarious. My mom does that shit. My mom will.

Does your mom want to fuck you, too? Does she want to or as she is a real question? No, no, look, she... Answer the question, Sam. I'm close to my mom. We're very close. But she definitely has taken shots at women that I've... Jeez.

Like behind their back. I'm behind their back. Well, my mom will say stuff about like, she's very, she's like, I want only the best for you, that type of thing. So she said stuff about girls I've dated where it's like she was thrilled when my last relationship ended, holy shit. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Because I think she just saw that it caused me a lot of stress. Well, and that's, we, my mom's like so cool. She's, her, my brother, I don't have that weirdness, like, at all. Like, she's just super chill with everybody. She loves everybody. She's not critical. But she, maybe, but she, he had one girlfriend. You're not a Jew.

Right. You don't seem to. problems with anything. She's so not a Jewish mother. But one guy or one girl, my brother, day that was terrible and he was like anxious all the time. And like that's the one that like we hated. Anybody's better than that girl. Because it was like stressing him out. But anyone else like that's fine. I should just date like a crackhead and that way everyone is a blessing after that. I'm telling you that's the move. Yeah. Date somebody so horrible. So the next one is amazing. Yeah. All right. So I've laid the groundwork.

Personally, from my family, I've set the bar so low. Your last guy sucked. He sounds like he sucks. That wasn't my last guy. My last guy was on paper, good guy. Great on paper. Successful lawyer, very good-looking, half Italian, half-Jewish. It's a great mix of, like, really good hair. And, like, I don't know, it's just money.

Money. Very emotional. No, no emotions at all. Really? Felt nothing. Yeah. Sex wasn't good. I don't know why we're talking about this.

It doesn't matter. I tried to change him, it didn't work. Yeah, what do you try to change him in now? I just, like, somebody that I enjoyed being with. It's like the one requirement. of someone I want to date. Well, he had, like, all these, he had a ton of friends. Okay, so, like, talking about, like, changing a man.

He had, like, on paper, good guy. Great job. He was successful. He didn't, like... That's my problem with internet dating where you just said, on paper. It's, like, that's the person on paper. And, like, when you fall for someone, you fall for, like, their energy and, like, how they are. It's not, it's not a fucking sheet.

We met through a friend. But, um, he had, like, he always wanted to do a lot of things, which I let, my, like, number one thing I look for in a partner is somebody that's, like, a real, like, to really experience life. So, like, always has, like, concert tickets, movies, sporting events. Like, I like to be with somebody like to do a lot of stuff. You're just like somebody. Maybe that's it.

That's it. I'll spend the money. I'll spend the money. No, you won't. You'll get it comp for your Instagram. Because I don't have to spend the money. It's not because I won't spend the money. But I like to be with somebody, like to do a lot of things all the time.

It's, like, really active. And, like, he had tons of friends. And he, like, wanted to be with me. He didn't need to be with me. I just didn't enjoy his company that much. It was awesome. Yeah, that's everything. I feel like.

Yeah. I couldn't do it. That's like my number one thing. I have like, my life's great. I don't need to hang out with somebody I don't like. That's kind of what I'm like, you know, for all the flaws my last relationship had, we did really love each other. Like, there was a real great connection.

So like, I guess I wouldn't say I'm holding out, but I can't just, it's hard to just go on dates with people that aren't awesome. Well. When the last one, like, I told my friend last night because she was telling me a similar thing about this guy she likes. And it's like you're almost chasing, it's like a drug because you're chasing this high that, of. Of course, there were so many other bad times on the drug, but you're like, well, there was one

time that was fucking amazing. Well, I think I had a similar thing. And, like, my friend put it in this perspective to me. I was in a relationship super in love, kind of toxic, too, like, a lot of, you know, highs and lows. But that, like, set the bar for how I feel about a person. Like, I can't settle for anything less than that. Like, I don't know.

And I said to my best girlfriend, she was, I was like, I just want to feel like I felt with him, like, again. And I can't find that. I'm going out on these dates and they suck and I'm bored and this and that. And she's like, well, but, you. But you were like in love with that guy. So that's what it is. So she was like, you're not just going to fall in love with everybody.

You're probably only going to fall in love one more time. And I'm like, oh, right. Yeah, you're right. You're not going to fall in love with everybody. I just want to hang out with somebody. I'm like, this like entertains me and I don't get bored. Like I don't, that's like the number one thing. It's hard.

It's hard at there. It's not easy. I know. So in your special, you were talking about that you have to use condoms again? Yeah, it's part of it. How do you feel? You know what I think? It's like, it's good.

I mean, I've never been one of the, I have friends who are like, dude, I fuck this girl on the road. And I'm just like, tell me where kind of me. And they're like, nope. And I'm just like, are you crazy? Right. For so many reasons, are you crazy? Like, also, I was an accident. So I'm kind of very conscious of STDs aside.

I'm like, I don't want to impregnate someone. It happens with pre-com. Well, I actually think, make, I feel like I should be able to make that call because I know what I'm doing on the birth control side and this and that. Yeah, but you're not going to not have a guy where a kind of on a one-night stand. No, that's what I'm saying. But you know that you're not nuts either. Like he's on the road. He doesn't know the person.

That's what I'm saying. A guy that's like so anti-condom is a little weird to me. Because like they don't know what's going on with that girl. Like she could be like trying to have a baby. I know comics who have multiple babies with weight staff. And I'm like, that seems like it's not working out for you. I would watch out for the girl that was begging you to not use a condom. You did that in your bit, right?

I have a joke about that. You do? When she goes, please don't wear one. I go, wearing one. That's the huge red flag. Yeah. And she said, why? And I was like, I don't know, because based on this, I don't think you're going to be a good mother.

That's a joke. I'm sorry, that's so true. A huge red flag. Huge red flag when somebody's like begging you to not use one. I mean, your boyfriend, but that's what we're talking about. I mean, even then, it's like, I've, I've, second time we have sex. Some guys, I don't cheat, but some guys cheat. And it's like, you know, you have an unprotected sex.

You don't know what he's doing. I mean, you've got to trust the guy. That's all I'm saying. Every week we play a game with a guest. And we try to formulate the game. But this is like one of our staples. It's called Is This Weird? Okay.

We ask people for emails every week, dating sex relationships. We pull the emails and we're just going to have you tell us if you think it's weird or not. And I like to always tell people how it started because they appreciate it. It started with an email to us and this girl said that she was dating this guy and he would wake up and take a bath in the morning. That's weird. And she, her quote, we need to send this girl flowers because like she's done so much for us. Her quote was, he's just laying there in the bath with a half job while I'm doing my makeup. And she wrote, is this weird?

And that prompted the whole thing. And now this is our game. But yeah, morning bath. I like her for writing that email. She changed our life. Yeah. Okay. So we're going to read you some emails.

Okay. This is one of my more favorite ones we've gotten. We get a lot of, like, sex ones, like my boyfriend likes butt stuff. But like, I really like the scenario ones that are like, that are not sex. Yeah. There's like this thing happened. Yeah, like weird shit. Like, okay.

Yeah. So I'm going to call this one the towel. Okay. What is the Pittsburgh Steelers thing? The terrible towel. Does this have something to do with the period? No. Oh, wow.

Okay. The terrible towel. Let's call it that. The towel. She starts the same. She starts email off my, in quotation, good girlfriend. This is her. This is about her.

Met this guy from the Midwest when he was visiting from Texas. She decided to go visit him for the weekend. they got a hotel. He goes to take his shit and instead of... Is this their first time hooking up? Yeah, I guess she like goes to visit him and instead of staying with him, they get a hotel. Oh, I like that move. We actually always recommend that if you don't want to stay with the guy.

I like split a hotel. Yeah. And the hotel's like in your space. The best sex. It's, you can disrespect the room. Totally. Okay. So he goes to take a shit and instead of toilet paper, he uses in all caps, a hand towel.

What? Now I get this. If this was a one-time deal, okay. But he uses a shit towel for every time he takes a shit. And instead of getting a clean towel, he just uses different parts of the towel and lots it up in the corner of the bathroom. What makes it worse is he left skid marks on the bed. What? So he obviously doesn't do a very good job cleaning himself.

So my question is, is this weird? I mean, I think, yeah, obviously. A shit towel? You had to add the word shit to towel. That's how you know it's weird. You don't do that. How anti-toilip paper are you? Like, what is going on here?

Oh, she thinks he's an environmentalist type. Oh, God. I don't even, yeah, like how they make babies wear cloth diapers. I don't know. Who taught you this? I hope she confronted him about this. Well, this is her good friend, so she doesn't know, I guess, what the girl did. But you know how town is where they're like, just hang up the towels if you don't want to replace them?

He's like, you know, I'm good on toilet paper, too. Don't waste more toilet paper. I hope they left a nice tip for room service or the maids. Oh, God. Jesus. What would you do? What would you do when a girl did that? I would say, I would probably say, did you just wipe your ass with a towel?

And once she said yes, I would say, why? And then, you know, I don't know what her, I mean, say, until I was raised in my house, I'd be like, well, that's not, this is the real world now and you have to use toilet paper. Well, at least get in the, right. Get in the shower and, like, clean your butthole. What are you, like, okay, you don't want to use toilet here. You're an environmentalist. You don't want to, oh, because I guess you would waste water by cleaning your butthole.

So he's anti-baday, too. Yeah. Who would be anti-baday? I love a bidet. I've never used one. Me either. My best guy friend, he has one of those fancy Japanese toilets. Whoa.

Seats heated. Love it. It comes up and, like, sprays. How aggressive is the spray? Because for us, we've never used them before. It's like, no, no, no. It's a sprits? Yeah, it's like a sprits?

It feels real nice. Damn. Yeah. Doesn't shoot up there. Yeah. I don't know what this guy's thinking with the toilet. This is insane. Well, that's a thing.

Like, we do these and then, like, I lose sleep over it because I like, I need more information. You know, like, I want, I have to know. Was he drunk? How drunk? No, this sounds like this is his thing. And then he wads it up and puts it in the corner of the bathroom. I can't. This is, like, hard to process.

The only explanation is that they were out of toilet paper. And even then you go Kleenex after toilet paper. You don't, you don't just jump to file. anything. It's all so weird. I'm embarrassed pooping, like, on a first, on a one-night stand. I've done it many times, but it's like, I'm not, like, thrilled about that. Nobody, we even not addressed this at all.

I would never take a shit in a hotel room with somebody that I'm on a first date with. Well, sometimes you don't have a choice, you know? Yes, that's what lobby bathrooms are for. Yes, she's the whole thing about it. Yes, I am. I hear you that you do it. No, I don't. No?

I don't care. I drink a lot of coffee. I drink a lot of whiskey. I mean, it's just, it's something. times it happens. Yeah. Not me. I'll make some excuse up, like, I need to watch the sunset, or there's a star, I gotta catch on. The sunset. I will find

an excuse to take a shit in the lobby. I just, I can't do it. I date a guy that took him a long time to, like, shit at my place. Really? He was always like, I gotta go home and grab something. Just, we all do it. It's fine. Right. Well, look, some places in New York are so small that you're kind of like, well, this is pretty

intimate. You're eight feet from where I am right now. We stayed in a hotel together in Paris, and the Toilet was three feet away from the bed. So, like, there was no way to, like, demurely take a shit. So I kept shitting in the spa the whole trip. You guys are pals? Well, I know.

Rain was like, did you just take a shit in there? I'm like, yeah, where am I supposed to go? And she was like, I've been going to the spa this whole week. I'm like, what? I like to enjoy taking a shit. You guys are like pals. That's fun. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, we're buddies. I like to enjoy taking a shit. I can't enjoy taking a shit two feet from her head. Right. I don't think about it like that. It was even closer than. this. Like it was like if she was sleeping there and I was taking a shit on the table. I didn't like take a shit on your face. I mean, it went in the toilet and then then it's gone.

Okay. This next one. I met this guy on an app, had a good first date, nice little street corner makeout at the end. We both got drunk last night and ended up meeting up and hooked up. Mid-sex, he stops. Okay, mid-sex, he stops and says, this is embarrassing. I just finished. And then shuts down. Keep saying he's embarrassed and feels awkward, even though I was telling him it's fine. It's not. It's not mid-sex if he's finished. Mid-sex for her. I'm taking the guy's perspective here. It's over.

I'm sorry to say this. Okay. I'm picturing like three thrusts and he was done. Or not even. That's not mid-sex. It's pre-sex kind of, right? He says, I'm sorry. You're going to hate me, I'm sure, but I'm going to go home.

He gets stressed and says, I'll call you tomorrow. We can talk about this. I just need to go. I'm going to go. Yeah, you can't. He's making a bigger deal out of this than it is. Totally. Okay, right.

No girl thinks this is the big case. And then he leaves. The next day, he deleted her from the app they met on. She goes to text him, like, in a joking way to break the ice, I'm sure to make him feel better, blah, blah, blah. And it, like, turned, it gets no delivered. I'm assuming it turned green. And he had blocked her number. Damn.

What happened? I'm just baffled. You blocked me after one day. You should say, that was premature. He's embarrassed, clearly. I don't know. I've done it. It's all happened to us, but it's also like, who gives the shit?

It's like, if he was smart, he would have, she should have at least tried to give it, like, 30 minutes and like, let's go again. Yeah. Or at least go down on her or something, shit. It sounds to me like maybe they're just very young. Like, there's nobody on earth who hasn't happened to or a guy finishes too quick or, like, I've had scenarios where, like, a guy, like, can't get it up. And, like, whatever. Like, it's happened to everybody. I think guys, like, tend to overreact more than any woman ever would.

Men, like, get really fucked up about it. Women are like, I don't care of this. Also, some women probably take it as a compliment. It's like, you fucking control yourself around me. Right. I remember I was talking up with a guy once. We were just like, I mean, we were like rubbing up against each other. We hadn't started to have sex yet, and he came.

And like, he came on my thigh. And I went in the bathroom and, like, rubbed off with a towel and it rubbed off my spray tan. And that's what I realized come takes off spray tan. Damn. For anybody that wanted to know. Oh, my God. I just like to let people know. You never know.

If you go to spray tan and like someone comes on your stomach or your back, you'll have like a big spot. Or your face. What if you just like had like. All right. I mean, there's nothing that girl can do. She already tried. Like, he blocked her. I mean, there's nothing she can do about that.

But the thing with that guy is, like, I'm assuming. Well, you don't want to be with that guy anyway. You don't want to be that guy. I'm assuming that's happened to him before. Like, he's going to have to figure out how to deal with this or he's never going to have. He said, did he say this never happens or what do you say? Oh, probably. That's like, that's a big sick online.

Oh, I'm embarrassed. Okay. Did this happen to you ever when you were like really young and you just didn't have to deal with it? Of course I've like come too soon before. but I've also like, I don't think it's that big a deal. I remember one girl got really mad at me for once. Really? Yeah, she was really mad.

Like, really? Like, really? But someone who's like really, like, you're probably not. She's just there for the sex, obviously. So that's why she's mad probably, right? I mean, so I think any girl that's like actually likes you is going to look past that at some point probably. I don't know. I mean, I guess if you're in a relationship with somebody and you like can't, and that happens

every time and you can't have like a great sexual experience with them. I am laughing at that happening every time. It is kind of funny, but it just happened. You're just like, I'm sorry. I only last three seconds every time. That would suck. I think women also, like, you know how to make us come. Like, there's certain women you just, like, know what to do.

Right. It's like, oh, she knew that would turn me on a lot. And sometimes, like, if the guy I was speaking of, we were long distance, so, like, he wasn't fucking other girls. So we hadn't had sex in a long time. Yeah. You know? I think it's better than a guy that had sex with someone else earlier in the day or jerked off all day long, you know? It beats the hell out of the shit towel guy, for sure.

I mean, it's way better than that guy. Okay, so would you rather, I dated this guy. I'm going to see him in a wedding next weekend, actually. He only had like two speeds. He either came in like one minute or 45 minutes. And it's just like there was never anything in between. Like I was either getting pounded into oblivion or like it was just like, wait, did that just happen? What?

Yeah. Would you rather one minute or 45 minutes? It depends. I don't even know how to answer that. For me, obviously. Did he go down on you? Does he go down on you? I really, yes.

I liked all the other things. Sexually, we, like, really, like, did a nice job together. Huh. I just don't even know how to answer that. I definitely not. Maybe not three minutes. I'd save three minutes. Oh, I'll take three.

Three? I'm good about three. As opposed to 45. 45 is long. That's like, that's a time suck right there. Totally. That's tough. It's like, you got shit to do it.

That's a long time. I think, yeah, the problem is, like, the first time, something's fun to go longer because you're so in, you know, like this crazy. But 45 minutes, I mean, that's like, I take a long-order SVU episode, right? That's a lot, right? Like, we want to hit like a Schitts Creek episode,

like 20 minutes, maybe 18, you know? It also depends on you mix it up. Like, 10 is great for me. If, like, you, there's a lot of four-blatt. But if you're like, you know, switching up with positions, no one wants to be in the same position for 20 minutes. Yeah.

Morning time, like, a lot of, like, the, Love a morning fuck. When you're, like, cuddling and you just, like, slip it in. Oh, my God. I'm behind a little bit. You get that spoon position? Great. It's the laziest best sex in the entire world.

It's the best. Last like six, seven minutes. You go about your day. It's amazing. Okay. Next scenario. The title, I love the email titles. People send us.

This one is called I Love Eating Ass. Wow. She just really came out of the gate. I'm not that into it. I'm not really. Oh, it's a woman likes eating dudes asses. Okay. That wasn't fair to me to prejudge.

But I, no, I just, I remember I was like, you think you want to do it sometimes? and you're like, it is a butthole. Like, I remember I was with a girl and I was, like, talking dirty and I was like, oh, eat your ass. And she's like, you don't have to do that. And I was like, thank you. Thanks. Do you know that I, like, when I'm dirty talking?

I will say things that, like, you can't even do to a person physically, but it just comes out of my mouth. I know. That stuff happens to me all the time. I want to fuck your ear. She's like, what? Right? And you're like, I don't know.

Just in the moment, it felt right to say it. Yeah. I mean, I've never done that. People have, like, eaten mine. but I guess like somebody I was dating like right out of the shower. But like I couldn't get past. Yeah, you should be out of the shower. Yeah.

Okay. But I will say I really get off on like giving somebody pleasure. Like I really like I would actually probably rather shake the like I would have a blowjob than have somebody go down on me. I know that's crazy. I just, I enjoy it. So I think that that's probably we didn't read the email yet. But like I get off. Are you sure you're Jewish?

Girl, Jewish girls love blow jobs. Isn't that the whole thing? Oh no. No, no. No. I thought it's like we won't clean or. scrub the floors or anything like, but we will give blow jobs. I did, I have heard that stereotype.

Yeah, definitely not Jewish. No manual labor or cleaning, but I can cook breakfast and suck a dick like a champ. All right. Hell yeah. Anyway, let's read the email. I like giving you guys pleasure too. I know that they're getting pleasure by going down on me. That's my whole stasis. That's a good angle.

Yeah. Thanks. All right. So I'm very sexually outgoing girl and my boyfriend of two years is very conservative. For the first year, maybe of our relationship, I didn't care as much that sex was, quote unquote, normal. But sex is sex, and I'm horny 24-7. Hell yeah. Jesus.

So I'm a little bored. Bored as fuck, actually. Like, reverse cowgirl is only hot so many times, you know? I had some of you making me do that all the time. I like it, because you can, like, watch TV, you know? I think David Teller the joke. He's I don't know who came up with that, but I know they were ugly. I wanted something crazy

and new. I told him I'm really interested in ass play. He eats mine, but I want to eat hits. I put a finger there before and he enjoyed it, but hasn't let me do it since. One night after multiple drinks, he finally let me toss his salad, and I've never been more turned on. Whoa. I came so fast after, and he loved it in the moment, but now he's so weird talking about it and doesn't want to ever do it again. I'll get over it. Should I suppress my feelings and go back to boring sex?

Is this weird? I don't know what to do. I like it so much. There's a hot one. Sincerely, eager to eat ass. Whoa. But he was eating her ass, so he's not like Mr. Conservative won't do anything.

I'm confused. She just wants to eat. No, I thought she ate his. He said he'd been eating hers. Yeah, but she did it to him. And now he's all weird. Now he's like, oh, God. He's probably having like a my gay moment.

Yeah, this is your boyfriend. A gay moment? He's probably having that like, am I gay moment. No. A little ass play is fine. Oh, we agree. I think like, I don't know. But that is technically with the male G spot is, right?

Like a good little prostate muscle. I never heard anybody. We talk about it on every episode. I think it's one of the things where he's just got to get over it. He's clearly a prude and she's not and you only live once. Get in there. Have fun. Eat some ass.

I just feel like she's living the dream. He's eating her ass and he doesn't want her to eat his. Like, I want to date this guy. Really? This sounds great. But she likes, she wants you and turns her on. You inevitably want what you can't have, right? If someone's like, you can't eat my ass, I'd be like, think I want to eat your ass.

Like a successful, well-adjusted guy? That's what I really want. I just can't have it. No, you need success. Just be, like, normally. Yeah, he needs to get over it. I mean, I'm assuming, though, that, like, it sounded like he really liked it, I think. She said he loved it.

But now he's like, like, he's probably just having weird insecurity of, like, I really like this ass stuff. Like, what does this say about me? He just needs to lighten up, I think. Yeah, just lighten up a little bit. We had a lot of emails about, like, he does this make my man gay? And then we had, like, a doctor come on the show and be like, it's, like, the dumbest thing. Of course, doesn't make you gay. I remember I was in, like, seventh, eighth grade.

this kid. It was a little precocious. He said, he said, yo, just because you take it in the ass don't mean you're gay. And I was like, yeah. I didn't even like, I was like, it was like such a thing where I'm like, I didn't realize that until he said it. I didn't, it was like, I was a kid still. I was like, that's a good point though. Just some lines stay with you. Yeah, I was like, this guy knows some shit. I wonder that guy knows like the one sentence he said. You like stuck with you your whole life. Oh, yeah. Oh, that guy's in jail now.

So my Twitter bio. You ever read things. That's not. That's it. Okay. Last is this weird question. It's a two-parter, mom stuff. Hell yeah. Part one. My boyfriend still kisses his mom, all caps on the lips. When he greets her or when she leaves, he's 26 years old. Is this weird?

I guess should we just answer that and then move on to the second part? Yes, it's weird. Stop fucking kissing your mom in the face. It is so bonkers to me. The thought of kissing my dad's lips is like I can't even stomach it. And like I love my dad. Would you kiss your mom in the lips? Why?

I don't need to kiss my mom on the lips. Do you need to be more intimate? How about just, it's just, yeah, it's weird. Are you kissing your parents in the lips? Can you imagine that ever happening? You've met my dad. Absolutely not. It's disgusting.

It's the parents fall for normalizing. Totally. The mom should not have been doing that. I remember there were kids growing up with a mom because of the mouth and we'd be like, did that just fucking happen? That's not normal. Stop doing that. Well, you see these, like, cute photos of, like, moms and their daughters when the

girls, like, two, like, kissing their mom. And I think that's adorable. But, like, after the age of, like, three. No more. Yeah. No more. I don't know. Yeah.

It's just, I guess you're right. When you're super young, it's one. I think I'm going to stick away from my kid's lips, though, regardless of gender. I think it's just weird. Yeah. It's weird to me. I actually, yeah. I mean, my family's super close, but I don't even remember, like,

lip kissing when I was, like, really little. There's other ways to share intimacy with your friends. family. And like, cheek kisses are fine? Yeah, cheek kisses. Yeah. We don't even do that. Okay, well, here's the second part.

All right. The mom is divorced, twice divorced, and in her mid-50s, she asks my boyfriend and I to go out to bars and concerts with her to act as her wing men so she can pick up men their age 25 to 30. Damn. That's fun. There's a lot going on here. That would bum me out if it was my mom, but I'm glad there are women like that out there.

It's fun. That'll be us. I don't know. I think that a lot of parents just want to be friends with their kids and they're like their kid that hits a certain age and like, I want to go out with you. I think it's weird. They're trying to like fuck your friends. This is, I don't know. I don't want to be super negative because people have different family structures and stuff. But like, I don't know if I would be able to date this guy with like the mom kissing and the mom like come out and help me meet guys half my age. It's a lot. Yeah. It's not for me. Have you ever dated anybody where the parents were like involved in a weird way in your relationship? I'm trying to think. I don't think I have.

Family stuff should be, like, I shouldn't feel threatened by. Right. And I guess you're not threatened because they're not obviously going to do that. But you're like, what do you do? I shouldn't be made uncomfortable by that. I don't like that. I dated a guy with a weird thing with his sister. It made me a little uncomfortable.

She, like, kept a toothbrush in his apartment for, like, when she slept over. But she, like, lived down the street so there was, like, no reason for her to ever need to have a toothbrush there. He would, like, be weird about her making plans with us. Like, she would, like, odd. Like, anything she had plans with us, she'd cancel because she, like, couldn't be. I'm not, you've been with me for an hour. I'm not terrible. No, you're fun.

Thank you. Are we wrapping up? Yeah. Tell everybody where they can find you on Instagram, your shows, everything you want to plug. This weekend I'll be, the eight, I'll be in hilarities in Cleveland,

which is such a great club. The following weekend I'll be in Tampa at side splitters. And my Comedy Central special is available on cc.com slash Samarrel. It's free. No cable login necessary, I think, until November 30th, which is pretty cool.

I don't think they normally do that. Yeah. And then I got a podcast called Keeping Joe. It's with Joe Mackey and Phil Hanley, who are both really funny comics and the manager of the comedy seller, Liz. It's completely, we're completed it's the entire time. It's pretty fun. Off the rails.

And then, yeah, if you like, I have albums on Spotify, Pandora, iTunes, all that stuff. Just Samaral, class act, and positive influence to know one. So just check it out. What are you on Instagram? It's just my name, Samaral. Oh, R-R-I-L. Sam Ra, I watched the special on-demand. So if you have, if you're into cable, if you have cable, old school style.

I do. I don't know. I love my cable. But yeah, so if not, cc.com, stream it. Yeah, which is pretty cool they're doing that. Yeah, that's awesome. It's like 56 minutes, I think. Oh.

So I didn't get that then. Yeah, they cut out some stuff. I gotta go back in. From the broadcast commercials, man. Got to pay the bills. Thanks to Lola, our sponsor for this episode. Thanks for the condoms, Lola. Hopefully I put them to good use sometime soon.

I appreciate it. We'll give you a personal. cleansing wipe too on the way out. Really? Yeah. So you have a gift to give to the girl, you know? Before the ass play. I'm pumped.

Wow. All right. Well, thanks. Thanks, guys. And as always, you can find us on Instagram at Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. Keep rating and subscribing. You can check out our live shows at Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com slash shows. Yeah.

And follow along this week. We'll be in Atlanta and Nashville. Nice. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. Have a good week.