Girls Gotta Eat - Real Talk About Your Libido and "Sexual Peak" with Somatic Sex Educator Kiana Reeves

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

Believe us when we say there are groundbreaking sex insights and information in this episode! We loved speaking with somatic sex educator Kiana Reeves about what the libido actually is and why yours could be down, what to do when you and your partner aren't having the type or frequency of sex you want, sex for women after childbirth, all the different types of orgasms and how to achieve them, and how to have multiple orgasms. Kiana also debunks the theory of women having a sexual peak, explains the masculine and feminine in the best way we've heard yet, and shares the complexities of dating as a single mom. Before she joins us, we're catching up on Rayna's "breakup" text, Ashley's trip with her bf, the major thing you cannot trust a man to do, and why we want our nudes leaked. Enjoy! Follow Kiana on Instagram @kiana.reeves and find her courses at kianareeves.com. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: AG1: Get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free travel packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/gge. Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at quince.com/gge. Shopify: Get a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To me, saying you have a sexual peak is like saying you have a life peak and that everything after that is downhill. Right. That's just not true. This podcast is a dear media production. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back.

It is cool and crisp. It is. You're welcome. AC is crankin. You're welcome. It feels so nice in here. I am nips hard, full from a tuna sandwich. Okay.

So here's the thing. There's no air conditioning at my house. The studios in my house. and the landlord of the house gaslit me and he's just like, nobody has air conditioning in Venice, just open the windows. Do you want me to come over there

and explain to you how to open the windows? I was like, I got this. I got window opening. I'm good. And I was like, can I put air conditioning in? He was like, at your own cost, you can do whatever you want. So I had somebody come over,

an air conditioning company and he like walked around. The guy told me it would be like $10,000 per unit. Because you don't have a unit here. You don't have like the big thing. Right. I don't have anything. But if you buy a mini split,

it comes with the indoor unit and the outdoor unit. You just have to get somebody to, run the lines and install it. So for under $2,000, we got each one installed. But I cannot believe I just took the word of a man last summer, one man and never got a second opinion. Right. Am I okay? Well, you had AC people come out. Yeah, he was like a real AC person from like a real IC company. Well, you think you could trust it. No. I thought it was a lot to get that outside. So you have an outside unit. Girl, that's a big thing. The big thing. That big thing that like people have in the suburbs and

The unit outside, yes. And that guy was too hot also. He showed up here looking so sexy. And I just got dictumatized. And I was like, whatever you say. He's taking photos and walking around my house. I was hot. I remember that.

One of our friends is currently fucking her mover. And we were both like, you got to tell us how this plays out. Like, how do you get from like, I think the man in my home who's doing whatever moving handyman, AC, like, how do we get to, like, he's back here fucking me. Because, like, it's just like, it's a great fantasy. And, like, we all just, like, laugh about our movies. I had these four giant yoked up, like, Russian dudes moved me last time. They were so hot.

But, like, I didn't move forward with them. And she's like, yeah, he finished the movie. And he came back over. And I was like, but how? Well, I guess it is, like, you want them to initiate it. You don't want to sexually harass someone at work. I mean, I did go out with a task rabbit. And basically, he was like, here's my number.

I think they usually need to be like, here's my number. my personal numbers, you can contact me solo. And that's the opening to be like, come back. Or for me just to go to lunch and never talk again. But I was like, what did you say? Come back. Like, she's like, he just came back and fucked me. I was like, but how?

So this is a friend of mine who was such an icon. She texted me the longest thing. We don't talk all the time. Like, it'll be months and then she'll hit me with the like, I'm dating my mover. And I'm like, you're an icon. And so she's telling me like, hottest guy I've ever seen, you know, biggest dick, whatever. I'm fucking my mover. And I guess we're dating now.

You know, like, and she's a person that she'll, they'll be moved in together. together in like a month and then three months later she'd be like who what's his name again like I just like love her energy and the way she moves through life and I go can we loop rain it in you you texted me the story on the side and you're like you gotta talk to her about this and I was like I'm not gonna just freestyle just say hey hello this our first text ever because she's more your friend I'm not gonna be like hey I heard you fucked your mover let's talk about it although she wouldn't care to be honest but then she just looped me in hey Ashley said this might be something you might be interested in I was like I'm very fucking yeah I'm at the nail salon by the way and

this was when I was getting my bright orange off. And I walked into the nail sign and Jessica, the woman there that does your nails. She's like, Ashley, hi. I'm telling too many people about her. Alyssa's going to her too. I was like, when are you going? Don't say the name of it. You need a gate keep it because here's what happened to me.

I sat down and the girl next to me, she was looking at me. And I was like, oh my God. And she goes, are you here to get that orange off? I was like, okay, I love our community. They know too much. They know too much. But it was very funny. She was like, are you here to get the orange off?

And she like laughed. And I'm like, yeah, girl, obviously. but then that's when our friend is texting me and I was literally like, can we loop Raina in? It's so funny to be like, someone is telling me something and I'm like, wait, wait, is Raina on here? Like, I have to like CC Raina. Every time one of our friends tells me something funny,

specifically Francis Ellis or Jared Freed, I'm like, I can't believe I'm having this conversation without Ashley. Like, stop making jokes without Ashley. No, you told me that you were talking shit with Jared about something recently and I was like, why was that not on the group? Like, Rayna and then I actually apologize. So here's the thing. I texted about something else.

nothing to do with you. And then he made a joke. So I was already in the college. I'm apologizing. Yes, you should. But it's funny. Like, Rayne and I will ask someone else a question, just specific to them, but it'll be on the group chat. Like, we need the other person to be a part of it. I know if they're, like, joking. You're going to be upset if you weren't a part of it. Do you remember, like, in the beginning with our agent, like, once in a blue moon, one of us would talk to him without the other one. And you'd be like, what do you mean you talked to him without me? And I'd be like, what do you mean you talk to him without me? And now we talk to him without each other sometimes. I'm always floored in one.

All right, that's why. That's why. Okay, let's think some of our partners will get right into it. Thank you to Shopify. Get a $1 a month trial period at Shopify.com slash GGE. Yes, and thanks to AG1, get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free travel packs with your first purchase at drinkag1.com slash gge. That tuna. Okay.

And Quince get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at Quince. dot com slash gg. The tuna was so good, right? And there's a sandwich shop, and I'm on their menu, and I'm like, what should I get? And you go the tuna. And I was like, what? Like, I gave you like a bitch, what? And I asked the last.

And then I ordered the tuna. You really did like a 180 on that. Like, well, I'm on the menu and it's all like all these delicious looking like chicken and turkey and this and that. And you're like the tuna. And I was like, okay, Jeremy, because Jeremy is our tuna king. And then I did get the tuna. It's amazing.

It's called Giata. G-G-I-A, and there's multiple locations in Los Angeles. It's my favorite sandwich shop. It's phenomenal. If you ever just go to the beach in Venice, it's right on the beach. Okay, guys, we have a new product launch today. You guys have really requested this over and over and over again. It is one of the questions we get time and time again at vibes only, which is how do I clean my toys?

Yes. We have a cleaner, a foaming toy cleanser. It's called Clean Her. And I have to ask you, Raina, did you think that at your age, my age? At your age, the same exact time in your life, we would drop a cleaner for your vibrators and you'd start a skincare routine. Clean it up all over your life. So much is happening. So here's a deal.

Well, now that my face is clean, so does my sex toys. Exactly. That's the tagline. We love this so much. I mean, there are various ways to clean your sex toys. This is the best way because the formula is designed for the silicone and the toys. and you can be guaranteed it won't harm it or deteriorate in any way. And it's foaming, which I've never seen.

We tested so many different cleaners. Like, I don't like a gel cleaner. Like, I want to foam up. Well, I also feel that when you put something like dish soap type of texture that I never know if it's off. Yes. So that you get that scum on it. And I think people are really confused about how to clean a sex toy. A friend of mine was asked me today, he was like, can I put water on it?

Can I put certain soaps? And certain soaps, like you said, will deteriorate the silicone. So you do have to be careful with what you put on it. And some things are harmful and you also don't want to clean something and then put it inside your body that it's full of chemicals. Right. Exactly that too. Right. So this is our foaming cleanser. And it's gentle soap-free formula. No paribins. Alcohol or sulfates. Safe for silicon, plastic and metal. So not just our silicone toys, but other ones, plastic metal, fragrance-free, which again, because you're cleaning this and then you're putting inside your body made in the USA. And I'm going to pump a little out onto the Ashley Max here. But you're going to apply it to the entire surface. And, you know, leave on. on for at least 10 seconds, you know, like you're washing your hands, kind of keep that in mind saying happy birthday, whatever you're going to do, and then you're just going to lather it, which is...

Imagine you took your toy to the bathroom and you're singing happy birthday. Wait, is that the song they say to sing? Yeah, but I'm just laughing. Like, your partner is like upstairs in their bedroom and they're like, what is she doing? Happy birthday. Actually, you can do with the Ashtamax. That's very funny. It looks like a microphone.

Well, I did post this on my birthday. I'm going to have to put my mic down, so why don't you commentate while I'm doing this? Oh, I think you want me to hold the sex toy. Here goes Ashley. She's opening. up the container and she's going to pump it on top of the Ashley Max. There she goes. It foams up.

She's going to sing happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. She's going to sing it off tune because she's tone deaf. And now she's rubbing it into the toy. She's singing happy birthday to herself, not into the microphone. We don't have any water in the studio. I don't know. Okay, so she's saying it to herself.

Okay. Now the, now the toy's all phoned up. Right. So you guys can see it. And then you'll just rinse, clean. Tessa, I want to come grab this. And then that's it. I think that, you know, there's gunk that can get up around a sex toy.

No, but like you use them between partners. This is so, I like that we did a demo because this is not sticky. And now it's going to be like so clean. You can dump in his old water bowl. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just like, grab one of the cum rags. One of the cum towels. And then we also saw cum towels, you guys.

Yeah. We used that to dry them. Yeah. And you just have a squeaky clean vibrator. Yep. The bottles are beautiful, nice ombre, nice little gift to give somebody. Like you said, I mean, we think you should buy our toys, but it is fine with other toys as well. Throw this in the bag.

You've got to, you know, just throw in the bag and you can subscribe and save with this too. So if you're a person who really wants to always have it on hand, I've been loving all my subscriptions lately. It just gets delivered to my door and I never have to worry about it. So you can subscribe and save with this too, and it's affordable and all this is available at Vibesonly.com. And we maybe, who's to say, might have a few left of the Lucy Neon Bullet, which we announced last week. And people are just losing it over that.

They're flying off the shelves. And that's a limited edition launch. And, you know, everything else we have on the site, the Ashley Max. You want to say happy birthday to it and all the things. Yep. We have wandsets. We have penetrative toys. All kinds of things.

So, we both got back from trips. I've seen you like two days this month. Yeah. July was rough. Like, are we still in each other's lives? No, I really, I've, I feel like I live tweeted you every minute of the New York trip. Yes. I could not stop voicing you.

I was like, am I annoying them? Well, you were really in a good energy. Like, I feel like when I was on my other trip before, you were like here and you just seemed kind of like, not down, but I was like low energy. Like a lot of people were out of town and so we didn't like talk as much. Like this, we were in like constant communication. I had nothing to say. I was just like very low energy.

I did have a lot more going on. So yeah, I went to Pittsburgh for my sister-in-law's baby shower and then I went to New York for a whole week. Yeah. And you were away. And I was like, yeah, am I annoying her? but no, you guys were great. I love voice-knoty you and Sparkle Eyes when you guys were away. Yeah, it was great. I'm glad we were in like constant communication. I did go on this trip.

I'll kind of keep it brief. We went away. I was saying this was like the longest we'd ever been together in consecutive days. We went away for nine days together. Went to Vancouver and then went to Lake Louise and went to Bamp. And it was a wonderful trip. Like I just really, the best time. I have all this on my Instagram. I made a highlight for it. I have like two reels. I have a reel of canoeing in Lake Louise, which was just a bucket list thing for me. And then another reel of like my favorite things I did in Bamp and you can check that out. My Instagram is Ash Hess, ASH, H-E-S-S. It was great.

I mean, we went to Vancouver first and we didn't have the greatest weather, but bad weather means more sex. More sex. You nailed it. Exactly. And that day, we had to have a call with you, which I'm just glad we weren't out bike riding because we had to have that call about all that tea. So I just got like so much gossip on this flight.

And I was just like, I feel like it's, I can't disseminate this unless we're like on a phone call. I was standing outside the standard hotel with my suitcase on the street, just being like, I can't even go into the hotel. I got to, like, get it out now of my body. And like, so we jumped on a call and Sparkle Eyes was there. He was laying in the bed next to me. We just like had a bunch of sex. And you like unloaded all this stuff. And it wasn't like mean-spirited. It was just like some TV that you had to tell me. Yeah, no. Yeah, not at all. And I got a phone. We hung up and I go, what a rush. And I'm like, do you feel that? And he was like, I just fuck you. Right. I'm like so much more excited about that than the sex.

He's like, you do feel that? Do you feel that like vibration? He's like, isn't that the orgasm? I'm like, no, no, no. That was the call with Raina. Men will never understand. You know, I've been talking about this reason like their inability to collect gossip. Like, they just can't do it.

If you want gossip from a man, you have to feed them the questions to ask. If they have closed the conversation with the person, you're not getting that gossip. Like, you need to be in an earpiece being like, and then what happened? Yeah. And then tell me. Like practice this sentence and then what happened? Why? Tell me a little bit more about that.

Men cannot get gossip. They're so bad at it. Like nothing makes me feel more angry than when somebody like Jeremy, when my best friends will say to me like some crazy tea and then we'll have no further information. No. Do you remember? I don't want to give too much details. There was a breakup you and I were really inquiring about and we had another guy friend

who was really our only link to the situation. Yeah. And only boots on the ground. Don't look him. The only boots on the ground we had. It took him months. Months. Months.

He was like, I got it. I'm going to drinks with him. We were like, oh, the edge of our city. When? When? And then show us your questions in advance. I know.

You should really run this by eyes. And then months. And then finally he goes, Girls, I got the full story. And it wasn't as good as we were. That's not the full story? It wasn't the full story. It was not the full story.

That would have been the appetizer of the story that I got. It's just, I don't understand like how men are sent into battle. And they don't. come back with anything for you. Yes. The other day, I really had to like set somebody up. So one of my guy friends, I saw that something crazy happens.

I send him the Instagram story about it and I was like, you have to get this information. You have to ask why? Yes. How? How long was this going on? What are your thoughts about it? And I'm like, and then live tweet me the conversation so I can feed you more questions. Right.

Because I don't trust you. They need to be wearing wires. I'm done letting them go out into the world without a wire and an earpiece. This is crazy. I have something right now that I'm needing the information on from my boyfriend. And I hate to say, I don't trust him. No, I don't trust him either. And the more men you add to this situation, the less information you're going to get.

So if you send a man into battle to get information from a woman, she'll at least volunteer the details. Two men talking to each other. He's going to be like, what happened, bro? Didn't work out, bro. No, no, okay. Never do that. Because then they just give up. They're like, let's just get beers.

That's it. Yeah, let's just get beers and talk about sports. No, no, no. It can only be one on one. You have a group of three. They're never going to open up. It has to be a one-on-one hang anyway. All they talk about is new flavors are Celsius.

Gambling. Pussy. Sports. And then really high-level stuff like time travel and space. Yeah, Marvel. I only have like one friend whose boyfriend I trust to get gossip and he's kind of gay. And so. Yeah.

I don't trust like heterosexual masculine men. Never. To get the information that I need. They'll never deliver. Yeah. Why are they so incapable? Okay, so let me just... Do you think they just don't care?

Yeah. They'll rattle off every stat from some playoff game. They care. They'll do it when they care about sports. About anything else. Yeah, like they know everything about the Marvel universe. Like, they'll do it when they care. It's not an inability to retain information.

Like, men are doctors and stuff. Like, men are lawyers. Like, they can pull it together and retain information. They don't care. Which means you don't care about me. No, but this is what I care about. And caring about me is caring about the things that I care about. I want to try to tell you this without giving a lot of details about who these people are.

I was at a friend's house, this guy, and I was there for like two hours. And then he told me, after being there for a very long time, that two people that we grew up with, went to high school with, had an affair with each other, and that she had left her husband for him, and they had a baby together. And this is some of the craziest gossip I've ever heard. I've known both of them my whole life. Yeah. Like, I really hate this guy. He's a huge scumbag.

And she left her, like, decently seeming husband for an affair. I was like, I've been here for two hours and you didn't tell me this. Right. She had the baby last week, by the way. This is a developing situation. And he just told me, like, they don't even volunteer the gossip that they have sitting in their body. It's so crazy. All right.

Like, simmered down. I got all worked up. I didn't want to get upset. I just want to finish talking about this trip. No, I have some to say. I'm okay. Talk about your trip. The trip went great.

I mean, I've had some thoughts about it because we were together every moment. I mean, I feel like I couldn't really, we had the one call with you. Like I couldn't voice note you. There was a time when I was like, I got to get out of here in voice note, right? You know, like. You were in the shower together. Would you send me that voice note? How'd you put it?

So I said, you would send me the six minute long voice note and it was just sitting there unresponded to. And I couldn't get a moment away because I was like, I want to match her energy. Like I want to give her at least three minutes back. Right. You know, there was just a lot to respond to. we were going back and forth. We had a day where we really need to catch him on a lot of stuff. So he and I had sex, whatever. And then we were like, let's get in the shower. And then I was like,

it was it was eating at me. And I was like, I'm going to hop out of the shower. I got a voice note, Raina. So the way you said it was like, I just decided, I need to like, I need a moment to myself. And he was like, I literally just fucked you. I think he said like, you're just getting your cheeks clapped. I was like, oh, now you're trying to show off for Raina with the jokes. But no, I mean, even on a girl's trip, like, you retired your sleeping quarters at night. Like, we'd ever had a break from each other. I mean, we were just like, one time I went to like work out one day in the hotel gym and like that was really it, you know, and the one time I got a shower early to voice know you. And it just couldn't have been better. I mean, I'm not trying to like brag.

I'm going to get to my point here. But like there was no conflict. There was no irritation. You know, it was eight straight days together or nine and I like missed him at the end of it. I didn't want to say goodbye to him. It wasn't like, oh, now I need a break, you know. I think that's pretty rare. And I think that you get irritated about a lot of stuff all the time, you know, I'm going to travel with you a lot. You're not like a nothing bothers me. I'm just so chill. Like sometimes I take a flight without you and I'm like, no one's complaining to me about anything. How do I know the seats on this airplane are old? Is that actually telling me?

No one's telling me the screens are too small on this plane. How will I know? I love to complain. You do like to complain. I mean, listen. You keep between us. Yeah. I like to talk shit with my friends.

My favorite thing to do. Honestly, like if you got along really well, like do you guys, just you both complain about the same stuff, the same stuff bothers you. Like, I think that people are like, how do you go on a trip with somebody for nine days and get along?

So I want to, you know, obviously preface this by saying that we are still new in the grand scheme of things. You know, we've been together a year and a few months. But I've never had this. I mean,

when I'm talking about how wonderful this relationship is and how conflict-free, I want to be very clear that I was in previous relationships that were so conflict-ridden and so tough and fighting all the time. And I've been in relationships with multiple guys,

but, you know, namely my more serious X that we're always fighting on vacation. I mean, we couldn't get through a day. And he and I really don't have a lot of conflict. We communicate really well. We treat each other really kindly and, like, with a lot of respect, we just really love each other. But I want to be honest that, like, we had a little bit of a rocky weekend recently, like, within the summer.

And it was nothing crazy. We still have never yelled at each other. We've never insulted each other. We don't fight like that. I would actually say we haven't been in a fight. But we had, like, a miscommunication that. happened at night, kind of trickled into the next day. And again, it wasn't just like not speaking to each other or yelling or anything. It was just like we were off. We couldn't get back on track.

You know that feeling you're like the train is off the tracks and you can't put it back on. And you know, there was like a long car ride without really speaking to each other. And again, I can't stress enough. Like it was still 10 times better than previous conflicts with previous people. But like it sucked. And you're in your head like, is this us now? Have we like turned the corner? Is the honeymoon phase over? And you know, you're on a loop. At least me can be neurotic in that way. And it finally at the end of the day, you know, it was a whole day. It wasn't great. And I think that like in a non-long-distance relationship, we would have been like, let's just go to our separate homes and take a break. Like I literally think that would have fixed it. But because we can't do

that, because we're together, we have plans. We got to do this stuff. We couldn't really get past it and we couldn't really get back on track. And like, at the end of the day, we had a long conversation and some stuff came out that probably just needed to be said. And we just were able to talk through it. And like, we're like, I never want to do that again. Like, That sucked. This day sucked. You know, like, this isn't us. We don't want it to be us. And I do think that was nice to be like, whatever we can do to not be that couple again, you know, like, and it's not that it's some walking in eggshells by any stretch. It was just like, we want to communicate effectively. And we want to not hold stuff in. And we want to always speak to each other in a really kind manner. And all those things are

like cliches that sound so basic that really do work, you know. And I saw this thing that stuck with me. and I saw it in Tinks's Instagram story. You know, Tinks, she's been on her show. She does a lot of Ask Me Anythings. And someone had said, what's your biggest fear? And she said, being stuck in a let's try to have a good day relationship. And then she said, and also nuclear war or something. You know, she made it funny.

And I was like, we've all been there. We've all been in that relationship. You know, and like, I'm in the opposite relationship now. I'm like, I'm in the relationship. We're like, let's never try to have that day again. You know what I mean? And I messaged her because I was. was like wanting to get the language right because I didn't screenshot it. And I was just like,

you said this thing recently. It sent a chill down my spine. It really stuck with me. I wanted to decide on the podcast, but make sure I got it right. Was it let's try to have a good day-to-day couple. And she said, yes, and she just started typing immediately. And I felt honored because she was with the Olympics. And she said, yes, sadly, I'm sure we've all been in one of those relationships where you're stuck in a loop, arguing constantly. You can't get on the same page, but you don't have the strength to get out. Let's try to have a good day. Couple is my personal nightmare. And I was like, yeah, we've like all been there. I mean, we've been there. All of us, me, Raina, you guys are listening.

we all have friends that are in that right now, you know, I feel like I was in a relationship where I was that couple and I was like, I never want to do this again. I'm going to do everything I can to try to prevent it, to do the work on myself, to try to communicate effectively, you know, seek out the right type of partner and work on my triggers and my reactivity and just really look for somebody who I can have a healthy relationship with. And it did work out that way and that's what I'm in now. And so I just hope that I made the point that I was like trying to make. I think that let's just try to have a good day couple. know that's happened to me at the end of relationships, the end of my last relationship,

where you've kind of just forfeited actually talking about the problem is, like, let's just try to have a good day as not, I'd like to hear you, I'd like to understand you. I'm clearly not hearing you, so please make me understand. Like, let's try to have a good day is really like, I don't really want to acknowledge what you're feeling right now. Let's just put in a happy face and get out of here. Like, it's like giving up to me. However you want to interpret it, to me, it's just like the couple that needs to break up. Like maybe it is the couple that has gone to therapy.

I mean, in my experience, it was like we felt like we had tried everything. We just were a mismatch and we need to break up. And we need to call it. And we weren't each other's person. And we still had a lot of love there and loved hanging out and made each other laugh. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was really bad. And those types of highs and lows.

And so when fighting is the norm, you're like, let's just try to go a day without having that fight. You were telling me about a friend of yours that just is in that relationship where she's like, we fight all the time. And like, that just sends a chill down my spine. just from past re-traumatizing and just like not wanting that for anybody I care about. Like we fight all the time. It's like don't do this to yourself. Like you're chipping away, your own like sanity, self-worth maybe, all of that. It's just, it's a real like I've given up. I don't know what to do here phase. You know, and I get into that phase the end of a relationship. And that was how the end of my last relationship was where I was just like, I'm trying to pick my battles here.

I'm really walking on eggshells. I'm trying not to say anything. But now I've kind of like picked no battles for a few weeks and I'm just mad and I'm pouting and I'm resentful and now I'm going to have a giant fight with you about something so stupid. Yeah. You know, so I think it's better to like you said at the end of the day just address it. Yeah. It's hard. It's really hard. And I will pout and I don't know what to say. Right. If someone's listening, they're like, oh my God, I've said that. Like, don't worry. It's not that it's like, this is a death sentence for every relationship. I am certain that there are married couples who are in a rougher season. Maybe they have kids, who knows what's going on and they've just been in the loop and they're like,

let's just try to have a good day. Like, you know, I think this can be open to interpretation. It's just how I'm interpreting it, how I guess Tinks interpret it. And I'm not really talking about like married couples of children. Because I just think that's like outside of a lot of these things are exempt from kind of marriages and families that go through ups and downs and get back on track, hopefully. So that kind of stuck with me. But that's the trip. It looked beautiful.

Every single photo looked like a painting. It looked fake. It looked like you're in front of a green screen. It really is. So, I mean, and again, I have all this. I really wanted to document this for people. I just got a lot of requests because it's an accessible trip. You know, this isn't some exotic location.

I mean, a lot of people can, you know, make it to Canada. And I was one of these people that had always wanted to see these lakes. And I don't know that everybody cares about that. You kind of take that trip with me. I don't think you kayaked. I was like, we just canoed for like an hour. It was kind of be my.

I mean, it was some girl was like, what a crazy outfit to canoe. And I'm like, bitch, everyone's in jeans. I had leggings on and I had a jean jacket because it was chilly. Like, this isn't for sport. I'm not planning on getting in the water. It's every tourist. Isn't jeans waiting to get on it. It's an hour and a canoe.

Also, it's a canoe, not a kayak. I said kayak, but a canoe, different energy than a kayak. A kayak is upright. You don't even have to do anything. Yeah. Kayak, I'm planning on getting wet. Yeah.

It's no wetness. I would never row. You know, wetness after. Yeah, you got fingered on the canoe. I thought I might get finger to the gondola, but I did not. No? No, it's even. There are people on the other gondola.

Like, they're going up and down. I don't know. Yeah. It felt like people are filming down the gondola. They could technically film and be like, oh my God, and catch it on camera. Like, the people go on the other side could technically. Watch you get figured. But also a couple people DME that they got finger to the gondola on the Bamp gondola.

And I was like, jealous. I was like, damn, I feel so vanilla. I wish you would have done it for the podcast. Could have gone viral. I feel like this is selfish. I think about that all the time. I think about, like, sometimes we'll have sex and, like, there is a world in which you could look in. Like, you know, we're not voyeuristic or whatever.

the opposite is. Where's that when you want people to watch? Is that it? Or the opposite could be too. You want to watch people. I don't know. Whatever. That's cucking.

But like there's, well. No. That's what when you want to want. So cucking is more personal. Voyeurism is just like you. No, I know. Okay. So like set up in advance.

No. No. Set up in advance. What? Boyerism is like you're in a hotel and you open all the blinds and you've sex with the blinds open because you want people to watch. Voyeurist. Strangers.

That's voyeurism. I thought voyeuristic could also mean you want to watch. Yeah, you want to watch. Wanting to watch is voyeurism. Exhibitionism is to be there. It is. Nailed it. That's so good. But cuck holding is typically with somebody else's in a throwaway joke.

Well, you want a sex toy company, Ashley. I just want you to. Cuck holding is usually someone else is in the room making you feel cucked. Okay. Yeah. I know. Typically a man is a bigger dick. Do not be a bigger dick.

So Sparkle-I sat in the corner and I got with a bigger dick fucked you in front of him. There is no bigger thing. He would be getting cocked. He's got the biggest dick. He has a great dick. I love a stick. Okay. So I'm not like an exhibitionist. Let me restate. That's the, when you're on the stage. Yeah. So that's what I'm saying. We're not like open all the blinds, let people watch, but we're also not like super worried about it. And one day, if someone was like Ashley Hasseltyne, I just filmed you and your man having sex, give me a hundred thousand dollars. It'd be like release that tape right now. Release it. I'm not running for president. Or you could. Who cares?

This is only going to work in my benefit. it. Yeah, look how good she looks at 41. Getting those cheeks clapped. Drake's plain. Like, I don't release it. That's how I would feel. I was talking about this the other day with my roommate. I said something like, oh my God, I'm sending you one of my nudes. And he was like, what if that like got released? And I was like, who cares? Yes. Like there was a guy I used to send like never full nude, full puss or anything. But like I sent him like really sexy picks. And he was such a like degenerative of a guy. Like one day I could see him being like, oh, you're, you know, so big and famous now. Not that I am. But you know what I'm saying? Like more famous than him. and I could see him being like, I'm going to blackmail you. And I'd be like, do it. Everybody's more famous than he is. Everybody's more famous.

Yeah, I would be like, I'll upload it. Let me help you. No, I wish he would. Hey, if you're listening. No, it's my old face, though. Just crop her face on. That's the biggest part of it. I'm like, don't.

It's my old face. Oh, my old nose. Just get my tits in it, okay? Tits and vagina only. Okay, well, let's just take a quick break to talk about our partners on this episode. I am telling you guys about AG1. Okay, I have got to say that, Rain, Rain, at once last time I was sick. You don't even know. I've been super healthy where I used to be more

sick. You really took the cake for the sickness on the podcast for a long time. I know. And so I really just for all the traveling, I have not been sick. And I feel like I have energy and my immune system feels strong. So that is one reason why I love AG1. It is a research backed foundational nutrition supplement part of your daily routine. And it can deliver those daily nutrients and gut health support. It's backed by multiple research studies. So you can trust what you're putting in your body. I've always really been into what I'm putting my body, but even more so now, and I've read the labels and, you know, really like to verify that everything is up to the quality that I need. And we're super busy. So we can take it on the road with us, too, drink it in the morning. I think

it's great to drink in the morning even before breakfast or working out or even before your coffee. And it really is just going to make you feel good. And a lot of people have said that they've even replaced their coffee with AG1. So 97% of people in a research study felt more energy after 30 days of drinking AG1, 91% of participants notice they need less coffee after 60 days of drinking AG1. I'm not telling you to go up your coffee. I drink my coffee every day. I drink both. Yeah, exactly. Do both. And to me, this really is more about my immune system and stuff like that. But if like energy is what you're looking for, really the numbers don't lie. And again, the gut microbiome is so important. Immune and digestive support are essential to my daily health,

to your daily health, hopefully. And the gut support is a key factor in immune support. I don't know if you guys knew that 70% of your immune system lives in your gut. That's like a crazy stat. I feel like people, I feel like none of people are talking about gut health. So it has you covered. In a research study, AG1 was shown to double the amount of healthy bacteria in your gut. So if there is one product, I trust to support my whole body health, it's AG1. And that's why we have partnered with them for so long. It's easy and satisfying to start your journey with AG1.

Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3, K2, and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase at drinkag1.com slash GGE. That's drinkag1.com slash GGE. check it out. Yes, and a partner that I love talking about because Ashley and I literally used it every single day, and that is Shopify. We have used it since day one to sell our Gigi merch. It runs our entire huge vibes only business with tons of different products. I love this platform. It is really user-friendly. We build our website on it. We do all of our tracking and reporting. We just love it. And it's easy. And our whole company uses it. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. So whether you're just launching at a very beginning

or you're a multi-million dollar business, they're really here to help you grow. They have tons of bells and whistles you can build in. No matter what you're selling, they can help. So the example they give a scented soap or outdoor outfits. The example I'm going to give is Gigi sweatshirts or vibrators. Shopify helps you turn your browser into buyers. They have the internet's best converting checkout up to 36% better

compared to other leading commerce platforms. Shopify power is 10% of all e-commerce, including vibes only and girls got to eat. They have all kinds of things to help you sell more with less effort. So Shopify Magic, which is an AI-powered All-Star. What I really just love about it is that at all times, I can log in on my phone or the computer and they see what we're selling.

Can track it. The analytics are fantastic. We launched a new product, for example, yesterday with Fibes Only. We were in the middle of a business meeting. I was like, how many we sold right now? And you track your profit on everything, and it manages our website.

And they have extensive help resources that are there to help you with success every bit of the way. They really can help you grow. We're going to hopefully work with them to sell some merch at the live shows. Oh my God, so excited.

Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash gge. All lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash GGE now to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in, Shopify.com slash GGE. Okay, we're back.

You know, I'm on a constant loop of like, where do I want to live when I grow up? And I was in New York for a whole week and I just loved it so much. And I miss it. I wish you were with me. And I just, I had the best time.

It's, you know, everything you can't get in L.A. I had just had plans plans. I walk to all of them. Everything's accessible and easy and I feel like those are my people. I love LA, but I just, I miss it so much. I've realized more and more that like I am completely affected by the heat. Like, at my energy levels, like, I cannot get through the day. Like, I think it affects me more than a lot of people. Like an hour in too much heat, I'm like, drained. I can't like do anything. No, I mean, it was affecting everybody. Like I had plans on a hot take.

I had plans on Saturday night with like, I was going to meet Gino or my friend Gino for a drink. he had like golfed all day and he was like it's important to me to see you you're in town that's what I want to do and an hour later we both text to each other like I can't do anything yeah so New York summers I mean it's just also it's just gotten worse by the way yeah of course but I just listen I loved it I had the best time yeah I just saw so many people but I this thing happened and it made me laugh so hard and I hope other people think this is as funny as me because I just I have this lover well we did talk about him yeah the last time I went we lost so in New York you saw him. And I figured like what will be will be. Maybe I'll text him one night when I'm here.

But I had posted that I was landing Sunday night and he was like, oh, you didn't tell me you were coming. And I was like, great. And he was like, can't wait to have you in my bed. And I was like, great, can't wait to be there. And then for like a couple days, like continued to like check in with me like what's up with today. And it just kind of annoys me. I just, I want to me to like make a plan. But like I'm also very realistic. Like this is just sex. And I'm not trying to make it anything that's not. You don't need to like respect me in a certain way. Like I will show up and have sex with you. But I'd like it to also be on my terms. I will show up and have sex with.

I will show up. I'm going to walk that back. You don't have to respect me, but like, I don't know. I'm going to walk it back and say something even more degrading. Did you say don't to respect me? Oh, my God. Okay. You don't have to respect.

I'm just, you don't have to make, like, dinner reservations. This is the one I stand. I know what it is. But it was just so much back and forth of like, when can I see you love? So Thursday morning, I was like, I have dinner plans at 9.30. Meet me for a drink after. And he was like, I think I can do that. Great.

And then he said, where do you want to go? And I said, I'm in this area, whatever. And he said, okay, let me know. And I said, you've been notified. This is the plan. No more let me know about it. There's no. I did let you know. I think I can do that. I thought you had dinner and you were going to meet him at 930. Yeah, I had dinner with another group of guys. Yeah, you said dinner at 930, which, you know, people are probably clutching their pearls. It's a late time of dinner. Not for New York. But for me. So yeah, you were to just, I want to get the facts right. You were going to go to dinner and meet up with him at 930. You had set the time. Yeah. Yeah. 9 o'clock. I texted him.

and I was just like, where do you want to meet? And I don't hear back until 10, 15. No. He's like at home. It's hot out or some shit. And for a second, I was like, maybe I'll go over there for the plot, for the story.

Like, this is funny. I can tell you guys this, like, crazy funny sex story. And I was just like, I don't know. I'm dressed. I'm out. I'm having fun. Yeah.

This is my vacation. I'm not going to go to your three floor walk up. Right. Does it even have central AC? I don't think so. Yeah. Deliver myself here. Like, I have better AC in my hotel than your window unit.

Yeah, I cleaned the hotel room a little bit. sort of for me. You know, my stuff just throws up everywhere. Yeah, you can explode. And so I was just walking home and I was kind of drunk and he like question marked it again.

And I just wrote, I think I'm done with this. Obsessed. I just, you know, sometimes you think about all these things you want to say to somebody like, you are wasting my time. And I don't want the energy for this.

But I'm not going to pretend this is anything it wasn't. It is like, again, just sex. But like all this bad, I'm just, I think I'm done with this. I don't need to explain myself more. It's not like I know my worth

and I deserve. But yeah, all those things, but some people are just worth up. I think I'm done with this. 100%. It cuts deep. I think I'm done with this. It's so, yeah. It's unbothered.

Yeah. I think I'm done with it. The door's still open. That's correct. Totally. It's not, I'm definitely done with this. I think I could be, I am for tonight at least. So let that sink in.

And this is exactly the Raynal Greenberg guide to dumping a booty call. I lost it. I was like, you broke up with it? I laughed so hard. So I'm done with this. Sounds like there's a tone. I'm done with this. I think I'm done with this.

I think I'm done with this. No tone. Yes. Well, we know the tone is the exact way you said it. I can hear the tone in it. I think I'm done with this. You're not worth it. You've asked me four times this week what I'm doing.

You're annoying me. I've been telling you. Yeah. Also, I might be drunk later on this week and think about coming there. That's the, I think. Well, okay, right. Because if he was like, you said you were done with this, you could be like, but, but, pop, but I said, I think I'm done with this.

That was me at 12 o'clock last night. Yeah. First he wrote, oh, okay. And I was like, all right. and then he questioned it and then he wrote why and then he called me at 8.30 in the morning. He's always trying to call you. And he is.

And 8.30 in the morning. Yes. I was like, were you up to the floor? He was like, buzz, buzz, still done? You're like, for now. For now.

Even at 8.30 in the morning, I was like, I can answer this. This could be funny. And I was like, and then he responded to some of my Instagram stories. And I was just like, I'm doing with this. So why was him not coming over and fucking in your hotel on the table? Like that seems like that would have been a better option.

It seems like just another level of disrespecting somebody. and I think some guys are like this. His, his, has come to me. I think the whole, like, let me lick your butt

in my apartment. I think I could make this work. I think he just likes the disrespect of it. I think, I think I could make this work. No. Let me know. No.

By the way, I'm texting you 40 minutes after I was supposed to meet up with you and telling you to just come to me. Like, and I'm not like such a bad bench. You can't treat me. Like, sometimes I want to be treated like this. But on my terms.

It just, it's, you know, I get it's a booty call. But, like, again, you're not like, set up a dinner with me a week in advance. Like if you can't even commit to like the 930 time we already specify like I just, I'm done with this.

Like I can't even bank on the booty. Yeah. You know? Can't even bank on the booty. I think I'm doing this. I think I know this. And I walked home and I got halal cart and I got in bed and ate halal cart at one in the morning, butt naked by myself.

Totally. I watched Bring it on. Yeah. And I had a great night by myself. And I really was like, would I be having a better time if I was in a three floor walk up with no air conditioning, getting my booty cheeks class. Yeah. I don't think it's...

You don't just like booty. It's redundant. His cheeks clapped. Not booty cheeks clapped. You know what? I'm not even going to do this to you, but the way you pronounced Chabata earlier was so crazy. But tuna. You said this chibata bread.

And I was like, am I going to bring this up? No. And I looked at Tessa, like, is she, am I crazy? Chia Bata. It's like, one. of the most famous types of breads it's like sourdough white rye wheat chabata chabata i just i have it in my head and i can't shake it chia bata chia bata chia like the seed no it's crazy like we know i can't say words just food words no there's more but i was joking with you that i was like at dinner with a big group of

this to my brother's birthday and someone at the table said i think they had a friend that says hairlum tomato. I can't. You the French. I was not the friend. No, but now I can't stop St. Harloom. Hairloom is so funny to me.

Now I'm like, was it really Ashley? I promise it was it. I promise it wasn't. Hairloom is so funny just because like air is like air to the throne. Like it's a common word. I guess. Hairloom.

Yeah, I had that Chia Bada with the hairloom. Everybody makes fun of me every time I say Echinacea. Yeah, but that's, That's a hard-ass word to say. I know, but what's the... What actually is it? Akenacia?

Akenacia. Echinia? Echinia. Oh, Echin. I say Echinacea. What the fuck is Echinacea? What is it? Well, it's like a face thing.

Yeah, but that's like... I bought you some. Yeah, it's upstairs. You hate your gift. All right. Guys, well, let us know in the YouTube comments how you pronounce... Chia about it. Echinacea.

Okay. I am just going to tell you about Quince. I am so excited to talk about this because there are still so many hot days ahead for those you on the East Coast. No, our summer's coming. Can't relate. It's still going to be like October. September, October, yeah.

So I'm just obsessed with Quince. So I told you guys a couple weeks ago that I'm obsessed with the ultraform active dress. I wore it on my vacation one day and it was just so cute with like sneakers and it got a little chilly. I put a jean jacket on. So the ultraform active dress comes in a bunch of different colors. I'm obsessed with that. But I'm not going to bore you today with something I've already spoken about. But we just are so in love with Quince.

And Lillian Charles, who is a friend of ours, who's a stylist in Atlanta. She's been on the podcast before. I think she was on the podcast in 2020. I was seeing her recommending Quince to clients. I mean, what a dream for a stylist because they're like the price is so affordable, but it's super high quality. Yes. Really like a one-stop shop. Yes, exactly that.

So they have great sunglasses, great bags and accessories. Yes. So again, they have amazing stuff for summer. They have all this European linen. They have these beautiful dresses. I mean, like, if you still have your like big summer trip planned, you can't go wrong with like getting like dresses and shorts and T-shirts. But if you're also transitioning to fall, so that can always be a challenge. But quince offers timeless and high quality.

all the items. We adore ensuring your wardrobe stays fresh and you don't blow your budget. So again, cashmere sweaters from $50, pants for every occasion, washable silk. I love the washable silk. Maxi dress, mini dress, skirt. I saw something one time that they were calling it this, like, It Girl skirt. Like it really, really is. We're just obsessed with it. And they partner directly with top factories. So they cut out the cost of the middleman and pass them on to you. And they only use safe ethical and responsible manufacturing practices with their factories, premium fabrics and finishes and we just could not love it anymore. Like Raina said, like it's not just clothes. It's like accessories too. But really everything you're going to need, there's like jumpsuits. Oh,

there's pickleball sets. I love that. I feel like you need to be checking them out for some of sets. Pants and joggers, leggings and men stuff too. My boyfriend was looking for like a cashmere sweater. This is last year. But I've been on it for years now and I sent him directly to Quinn's and he bought this like beautiful sweater. He wore it to one of our shows. And so it's really just such a go-to. So you guys can check it out. Make switching seasons a breeze with Quince's high quality closet essentials, go to quince.com slash g-G-E for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash G-G-E to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash G-G-E.

Okay, let's get into it. Okay, guys, we are really excited to introduce our guest to you today. She is a certified somatic sex educator, a sex-a-logical body worker, embodiment and intimacy coach with over a decade of experience. She is a certified full-spectrum doula and the chief education officer. officer at Foria. Her work has been featured in Rolling Stone, Cosmo, well and good, many, many others. Please welcome to the show, Keanu Reeves. Thank you for having me. Wow, I feel like I'm going to bow. Do your bow. She has great hair and great jeans. Yes, that we can't get

because they're vintage. I hate who's people say that. Okay, so Kiana Reeves, is, were you named after, like, you go. But I have to meet him. Ashley goes, I got to ask you, why do you keep saying Keanu Reeves to me? So she was going for a bunch of work stuff. And I was like, and I knew we were having you. I sent a clip to Raina to book you in the first place. I saw you another podcast. And I'm like, Rina, why do you keep seeing Kianu Reeves?

And she was like, what are you talking about? This is the woman you sent to me. And I was like, oh, right. And then Tessa thought we were having Kiana Reeves on. She really did. I have to meet him. I swear. So I was born the year he did his first movie.

He was not famous yet. My parents thought they made up the name Kiana. They like smashed their names together. And we just have very similar names. And my whole life, it's been like a thing. And then I saw an air freshener with him on it today. That was Keanu Reeves air freshener. And I was like, see?

Oh, he's actually like supposed to be the best person. Totally. Wait, what movie was it speed? I was thinking speed. No, it was before. It was like Bill and Ted's or the one before. It was like really, or it was 86. Got it.

Okay. I made my boyfriend recently watch Speed. And I think it's still held up. Because I think when you watch old movies that you love. loved back in the 90s. You're like, oh, my God, that's so bad. Actually, I'm going to run that back because all the classics, like, clueless and everything. But I still was like, this movie's great.

Isn't it about a bus chase? Yeah, the bus has to stay above 50 miles an hour. There's a bomb on that bus. Does the bomb get diffused? That's a whole plot. That's a whole plot. You should watch it. I'm not going to go down that road.

It does the bomb. Yeah. He's morphed. Spoiler alert. It does not go off. I feel like Keanu doesn't die. I hope that you get to meet him one day. I am going to.

Okay. Let's manifest that together. But it's Kiana. Anyways, just for everybody who's listening. A really beautiful name, not Kianu. So tell us how you got into this type of work. Sex work. Oh, man.

Sexological body work. I literally had a parent at my school asked me once, what do you do? And I like froze up. And I was like, sex work. And then realized like what was because I couldn't explain it. You explain it in the intro very well. She covers her kids' ears. Our kids can't play at their house.

Sex work. Which is what they're wrong with that, but you know, I was always interested, always as a kid, especially as a teen, grew up in a Christian household, pastor's daughter, like, had some disc, it was like the, ooh, that thing over there that's kind of shiny. And then it really came in strong after I had my first son because I was a single parent and I wanted to date. And I was like, what is this life as a mother and the way the world relates to me so differently with a child? and like how am I supposed to date with a kid who I take care of all the time? And I have breast milk and like, I'm dating you. And my breasts leak milk as you are touching them. You know, it just was like this really big identity shift and, you know, started a company,

yada, yada, trained with some of the best teachers in this space and really like has truly become my lifelong passion and, you know, the way that I experience God and all of that is kind of through this lens. God, now I just want to talk about dating as like a single mom. That's all I want to talk about. That's not what we had you on here today, but I have never, have never done that. I've been a single mom. Well, let's, can we talk about the journey?

Yeah. I mean, did you immediately get into like, were you going to seminars, reading people's books, somatic sex work? Like, what happened? So I was really young when I had my first son. I was a waitress living on Kauai, had just trained as a doula. I love Kowai. I was wildly in love with this man who definitely I wasn't going to be with.

Okay. I wanted to, but it definitely wasn't going to happen. And so when I had my oldest, I woke up to this reality of like, oh, fuck, I'm doing all of the things that a person has to do like in a family unit. And I have none of the support. I had my family support and all of that. But it was really hard. I took a year and a half, didn't date anyone fully focused on being a mom. You know, I babysat.

I had, I was on food stamps and government aid. I like really was like trying to figure it. out. And then when I did start dating, it was like, hey, can we come have a quick, like, lunch hang? I'll see if my mom can watch, you know, my kid. And it was clunky. It was like really clunky. And so by the second round of the next person I dated, I was clear I wanted to be in relationship with someone who was ready to like have kids and be with me. And I rushed it. I rushed in. We got pregnant six months in, learned this whole lesson again, had a really. rocky relationship, create co-parenting relationship now, but I had two kids and then went into,

oh, like, I got to own my life. I got to, like, be on purpose. I got to be in the, like, passionate excavation of my own heart before I'm in relationship. Otherwise, I'm just going to be looking for someone to, like, be the dad. How old were you with those two kids? Do you say you're really young with the first? 24, relatively. 24 and 28. But the same age when most people are, I mean, I was just slotting it up at those ages. I didn't have to. think of, I mean, I was just a body to have sex with. Why don't have kids? You're sledding up right now.

Thank you so much, Ashley. I'm just thinking about most people's identity as a 24-year-old single in the world. You're just like, fucking, you're not thinking about breast milk. I mean, some people are. But, yeah, that's young. Of course. 24 and 28. Yeah.

And then are you with someone now? Do you have a partner now? I just got married two weeks ago. That's what I know. I said you got married two weeks ago. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's incredible.

So fun. Okay, got it. Yeah. He's all got to be a great dad. I'm sure. An incredible man. Like, incredible man. We'll love to hear that.

I mean, the Kardashians are not a relatable. Where is this going? Let me connect it. I'm excited. So the last episode, Chloe was just saying that she has no interest in dating. She's been through a lot. But she's just like, where's the time with raising my kids? And here's someone who has all the money and resources in the world who still is like,

I don't understand it. I make their breakfast and their lunch. And then they go to school. And then I come home and I hang out with them. And then they go to bed. then where would dating fit into this? And again, not relatable to the average person, but that is someone that has that problem

and they have all the child care. She's a 100 millionaire. If she can't find the time. That's my point. Yeah, exactly. If you still want to be this parent that's there for your kids and through all these things and you have these routines and you don't want to miss them,

like I understand the challenge. Yeah. It's very harrowing. It takes a lot of like nuanced navigating of like your priority is always and will always be. Right. Your children. Mm-hmm.

And so most of our life leading up to kids, dating, particularly for women, I think, dating is our priority, right? Like love, relationship, sex, like, all of that is, like, one of our biggest priorities. And so that flop to going, whoever comes into my life after this will always be second. Always. Yeah. It's a real change. Well, like, while we're here, can we talk a little bit about women postpartum and how, obviously,

it's such a huge change to your body? your life. I mean, that's an understatement. But how it affects women sexually, obviously, every woman being different. But in terms of, A, you don't have as much time and your life is dedicated to another being. But like libido, I mean, all these things, like how it really affects your sexuality. Yeah, it's different for everyone. And the tremendous physiological, physical changes your body goes through and the repair, the healing, the like coming back together, that happens after every birth, whether you've had a vaginal birth or cesarian, it's, is major. And culturally, we've lost all of our postpartum care traditions. Like in other parts

of the world, they're like, you're in bed for three months. Yeah. Nobody, you do nothing. The aunties, the moms, the sisters, the cousins come and they take care of you in the house. And you get massaged and you get, like, really, like, these are things that are even built into governments where it's seen as a crucial part of society. And here, it's like, how can I work out to look good? And like, how soon can I, you know, have sex with my partner so they don't, you know, get bored or interested in someone else. And so there's a lot of pressure to return, quote unquote, to some sense of normalcy. And you are forever changed. Like, there is no going back. And you realize that somewhere midway through postpartum, you're like, oh, no matter what I do, I'm like, I'm never

going to be the me that I was. Your libido will fluctuate all of that. So some of the physical things that people experience that are either related to the birth itself like scar tissue or you tore or you had an episiotomy or you know the cesarean healing is is challenging can make sex actually painful and that will kind of become the body's story if you try to have sex and override the pain and it'll make you not want to have sex so it will impact your libido kind of in a psychological way if sex is painful like don't have that kind of sex have a different type of of sex, oral sex, slow, you know, lightly penetrative. If penetration hurts, use lots of lube, be really patient. Because the other thing that can happen is when you're breastfeeding

prolactin will decrease your sex hormones, particularly estrogen, which is very lubricating for the vaginal tissues. So if you're breastfeeding and you're experiencing this kind of like sandpapery feeling during penetration, it's because you don't have enough lubrication, but also the tissues are sensitive. So you need more time to build up pleasure, more time to build up arousal, more time to just allow that part to soften and open and relax. And then there's the libido piece, which is like when you become a parent, particularly when you become a mother, there's a little creature on you almost all the time. Yeah. And it's adorable and wonderful, but you are constantly, your awareness is outside of your body, constantly on other people. And if you're socialized as a woman,

you're likely already thinking that way about everyone else's emotions, everyone else's needs. And you'll see this a lot in mothers. Like I see it all the time at my kids' schools. Like the mom who's kind of like the resource to everyone else in her life, her kids, she's an amazing mom. She packs them lunches that are like to the tea, supports her partner, all of that. But you can't really like feel her, like her life, her fire, who she is. And that's a really common, really easy thing to have happen. to your identity when you're in service to everyone else. And in a way, it's very devotional.

And in a way, that losing of the self is necessary. But if you don't at some point pick that back up and go like, yeah, but like what keeps me alive and passionate and fiery and like connected to self, then you won't have more to give, especially sexually in a relationship. So that can really impact libido. That can really impact desire. I mean, there's a million more things I could say on this, but those are some of the, like, the key pieces. Absolutely. I mean, this is really, like, powerful to me. And I'm thinking just like, if you don't even have time for a hobby, I still have time to suck your dick. Yeah. You know? And to think, like, every minute, like, why have to keep my man satisfied. He's going to look elsewhere, but I also have to take care of this child that we created together.

Well, let's be, I mean, happy, healthy relationships. I feel like most women are, like, my sister-in-law, wasn't like, I got to suck mass dick. I mean, you know your partner doesn't. Hopefully you built this beautiful thing together. He's not like, when are you sucking my dick, babe? Like, I think that's a sign that it's maybe not the best relationship. Sure, but I think there's something in the middle there too where you're just like, my partner as a person in this too, I'd like to get back to sleeping with them.

Or it's been months, which is totally understandable. I mean, to see a woman, and I've been close to it just with my brother and sister a lot, to see a woman soon after the birth, breastfeeding and all the things. I don't know how sex. fits into that mix for quite some time. And so obviously anyone listening, we're validating that if it's not in your brain for months, totally normal. Yeah. Anyone listening to this who's like feeling that kind of psychological pressure like, oh, we're not having enough sex or it's just, it's not like hitting the mark. If you ask yourself, am I wanting sex or am I wanting intimacy

and connection? And we can conflate the two. And so if you ask that and you realize actually what I want is to feel really close and intimate with my partner. There's 10 million ways to explore that that doesn't involve penetration and doesn't even involve like getting off. I mean, maybe there's a getting off component to it. But laying naked, making out and like dry humping like you did in high school, you know what I mean? Like that has a lot of energy and satisfaction to it. And maybe you do get off from that. You know, maybe you get off from using your hands on each other. Maybe you explore a mutual masturbation and like watch each other. Like there's there's just so much you can explore.

I think where people get caught is there like as soon as you start to kiss, it's like, oh, we're going down that. Especially you're in a relationship. Like it's going down that road. There's one track and it's like we make out. They touch my boobs. Their hands are in my pants. Suddenly it's oral sex.

Now it's penetration. Somebody climaxes likely not both of you if you're in a heterosexual relationship, but that's another conversation. And then that's it. That's it. And that's what people are used to. And this is not even just after pregnancy. This is the majority of people in heterosexual relationships are having that experience.

But when you make sex nonlinear and it becomes like the exploration of what feels good in the moment, it becomes this vast, intimate, infinite place where like what's emerging is the next thing that feels good. And it may or may not involve penetration, may or may not involve all kinds of things. I love that. And if you have just had a child with somebody, you would hope that you can communicate that to them. Like if you have your male partner, for example, that doesn't think like that, doesn't know otherwise, knows the roadmap. We start kissing this and that. But like, hopefully you're at a place to communicate this mindset to someone that you've just.

I would say most people aren't. Most people have no fucking clue how to do that. Sure. Yeah. I look around my life at like the young mothers, I know. And I think a lot of my friends are really lucky to be a people who just their husbands were amazed. They just made a baby. and they've been really patient, but I understand the pressure to want to just get right back to it.

And one of the things that I was looking at on your Instagram was talking about low libido and feeling like, not that your partner doesn't have one, but feeling like I don't have a libido right now. And so I like the idea of it doesn't have to go to penetrative sex. It can just be like naked, making out. Anal. A anal. Ashley's like, you don't just say anal, babe. No, the reason why I'm seeing anal is because I have a friend. That's how she gets her libido up.

Her and her husband of two children. And it's the sentiment of like relationships going seasons. And she's like, we didn't have sex for months after I gave birth to these kids. And we're back to doing anal. Yeah, there you go. They have our toys. They're doing all the things. Like she's a good example of what now they've been together 10 years.

And again, like two kids. And they're like, yeah, we've had months go by where my body wasn't ready. She did a tough pregnancy with the first one. And they never lost that, you know, lust for each other. But it was just like, he knows. He gets it. You know, he's a parent too. Not the same type as a mom.

But, you know. So anyway, I find it encouraging. Yeah. It's that resilience and that trust, right? That libido is fluid. That connection is fluid. That it's going to fluctuate naturally does. And if you trust that and you remain dedicated to that part of your relationship,

then there's nothing to worry about. It's just there's a little more spaciousness. Maybe you have a self-plice. pleasure practice more if, you know, someone's libido's offline. I mean, that's great advice. Do you have any other advice if somebody says, like, my partner and I really haven't had sex in like three months. I don't, I don't really know what to do outside of children, just in general. Like, we just really aren't having sex or connecting like that. Yeah. So for the personal component of that, there's this piece, like, what do we even mean when we say

libido? Because most people think it's this just this drive that arrives, right? You're like, this is my sex drive. It's either here or it's not. And when it's not here, we're just, we're like, okay, it's not here. There's nothing I can do. Or, you know, they try to override it. And libido's actually kind of an umbrella term for what's happening hormonally, what's happening emotionally, what's happening in the relationship, what's happening internally to you, what's happening in your work life and your stress. And there's so much context that comes with essentially the feeling of desire, which is what libido is describing. There's so much context that we're not paying attention to. And a few of those things are in our control and a lot of those things are out of our control.

Hormones are something that are not necessarily in your control, but they're in your control enough that you can go investigate them. You can work with a functional MD, someone who really knows how to thoroughly see that chemical, biochemical component. And then there's the piece around relational, which is, I think, very under discussed. when you have anything that's built up and uncommunicated in relationship, built up resentments that go on for weeks, years, months, et cetera, closure starts to happen in the body. Like that natural openness you feel when you first are dating someone, you're excited about them. It's because your heart is open. It's because you're not seeing all of the bad things about them yet, you know, and there's

excitement. And that's what keeps the passion and the freshness and the curiosity about each other alive. And so when you're clamped down around, you know, your partner and like not doing the housework or like not showing up or like canceling or being late, whatever it is, whatever the complaint is, if that's not communicated, it's held in your body. And your body will not be able to open because there will be low level resentment, even if it feels small, right? And you have to communicate those things in the moment.

Otherwise they become this historical kind of baggage that then just you get into a little hamster wheel about. But that's one thing that particularly for couples, if there's mysterious libido issues, like look at what's happening in your communication and where you're disconnected emotionally. And it can be something that that helps to soften it. I love talking about libido in those terms, that it's not this mythical thing that's on or off like a switch. Like it is like an umbrella of all the other things happening. And I think of like regardless of what's going on in your relationship, what's going on with you personally. And. I don't know, things like stress at work, death of a parent. I mean, all those things. Like, I remember telling Rayna, we were in New York. And I was like, I can't get wet like I normally can. I'm like, I'm not turned on. I love my partner. I'm so attracted to him. I'm always like, juicy as fuck. And I was like, I'm just having a problem. It's like a guy that can't get hard. I mean, it's just like my body's not responding in the way. And I was so stressed. I was so overtired. We were

wrapping up our tour. Like I was just, my mind was on a loop. I feel like he and I are making. out where normally I'd be like immediately so turned on so lubricated and I'm thinking about the show. I'm thinking about the checklist. As you should be. Yeah. Your priorities are elsewhere. I could not get out of my head and I talked to him about it. We're super communicative. He knows what's going on down there. He can feel it. I'm like I'm not my normal self. My body's not working the way that it does 99.9% of the time and then and then you're beating yourself up and you're like, oh no, is this the new normal? What's going on? Is it my IUD? Like you just start to spiral. And literally once the show was over and like once we kind of like wrapped for the year almost, I was right back to normal. Like I could not de-stress. Yeah.

And it affected my body. It's a perfect example of the like biggest killer of sex drive, which is stress. Stress and overwhelm and like getting essentially stuck in your mind and all of the things you have to do and having this like running list of everything you're caring for so that you can't relax into anything. You can't open into anything. There's too much going on. And when you look at it through like a strictly biological perspective and the nervous system and how the nervous system is literally running the show on everything we do, it's our sense of safety. And to have desire to experience desire ultimately requires there to be a level of safety in the body,

regulation in the body, so that arousal can happen, turn on can happen. If stress levels and cortisol levels and your adrenals are running and you're just in this stress loop, it really will deprioritize sex drive and libido because in our ape years, when we were apes and trees, like if you're running away from something or if you're trying to escape from a tiger or a lion, whatever, sex is not on your mind. Mating is not on your mind. It's completely deprioritized. So like, yeah, of course.

Your body's experiencing stress. there's a threat, sex goes by by, like very simply. And so you can mediate with your sex ride by looking at where you're experiencing stress chronically in your life, what's causing chronic stress. And if you can take some of those pieces out, like you said, you'll immediately start to see, oh, like this is what it feels like when I'm not on all the time and having to hold all the time. And then if you have problems in your relationship, then you're stressed about that. Then you've got both going on. We've heard of relationships. where they've been struggling in the relationship for years and they also have not had sex for years.

Like, neither party can even get there. Yeah. I've had really different sex drives in a lot of my relationships. Yeah. I think if you interviewed the whole spectrum of ex-boyfriends, they'd all give you like a different sort of download on what our sex life was like. And my libido for sex, I guess, goes in waves and seasons. But it really was a little partner specific also. Like my first boyfriend in New York, early 20s, I would have never left the bed in the morning without fucking him under any circumstances.

Like there was I just we fucked every morning and then my next relationship like I just didn't feel that in the beginning I felt really sexually charged for him It's a gorgeous looking guy and I was super in love with him, but I never wanted to have sex with him We would have sex like once a week and as soon as it was over I remember going to the bathroom like pee and I'd be like Okay check the box for the week like so but if I look back on what was going on mentally I didn't respect how he lived his life as much I didn't really care about when he'd come home time at work I'd be like I don't care about this shit like I'm not impressed by you as a person or you didn't feel the safety and security I didn't. I felt frustrated all the time. I felt upset about money and security. And then my last relationship, he said I had the highest sex drive of anybody he's ever seen in his life that I was way more sexually charged than anybody's ever met. He still doing jokes about it on stage. Yeah. He does. So for me, I mean, I don't want to take the blame for myself about out of it. You know, I think you do change as we get older. We do want to talk about like when you're at your sexual peak. But for me, it's been really partner specific. Absolutely. And that's context, right? Partner is context. You were talking about the guy in the middle. context, safety, finances, all of the things that we think are background noise are actually our sense of security in the world. So if you're like, I don't actually really respect this guy,

like, how am I going to open deeply to him? How am I going to like share literally the deepest, most expressive, vulnerable, desire-filled parts of myself with someone who I'm not so fucking inspired by? Yes, and I kept saying to myself, like, what's wrong with me? My last partner, I want to fuck him all the time. I couldn't stop. Like, Am I so old now? I was 25. I was like drying up. Yeah. Yeah. It's clearly, it's my fault that I don't want to have sex instead of circumstantially.

And I don't want to blame him completely because the part that was my fault was I wasn't expressing this in a way that was constructive. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So I'd love to just talk about like do women have a sexual peak? Do men have a sexual peak? Your sexual prime? Does that exist?

That concept? I'm a no to that. Okay. Even though whatever, science might say like your sex hormones peak at a personal. particular time or women are probably having and experiencing the most pleasure at a particular time, I'm a no to having a sexual peak, both personally because I don't want a sexual peak. I want a continuous peak, but also because sex is so dynamic and so contextual and ever-changing. And to me, saying you have a sexual peak is like saying you have a life peak and that everything

after that is downhill. And that's just not true. And the narrative around sexual peak is currently, it's kind of like, right in your late 30s. Oh, your late 30s, early 40s, women are having the best sex of their life. That's their sexual peak. And it's this period right before you get into perimenopause and menopause, which is culturally when women become totally insignificant from a sexual perspective, from a are they desirable perspective. And of course, that's not 100% true, but really, like, we don't celebrate the older women's body, the older women, the mature feminine sexuality.

Like that's not something we see a lot of. We see very little of it. And we see more and more of it in association with mothers, but not a lot around those times in our life. And when you look at when menopause is happening, mid-40s, early 50s, if someone lives into their 90s, that's almost half of your life. Yeah. And by those metrics, if I was to peek in menopause or before, I have half of my life where

it's literally downhill from there. Yeah. And so I think if we. reframe this narrative. Like, what is a peak? What does that actually mean? What are they, like, trying to quantify? Is it pleasure? Is it freedom of sexual expression? Is it feeling good in your body? Is it the amount of sex you're having? Is it the amount of satisfaction you're having during sex? And you start to kind of pull at those things. Each of those has a thread you can pull at, right? The quantity of sex is definitely not as important as the quality. The feeling of satisfaction comes

from how much pleasure you're actually experiencing. And if you know how your body works, which you're likely more and more connected to throughout the course of your entire life. If you're exploring your body and you have a dedicated sexual practice, like guarantee your pleasure is going to continue changing and shifting, but it's going to be something you are more and more attuned to, more and more and more familiar with and more and more available for as you age. And so I know people well into their 70s, 80s, saying that they're having the best sex of their life. I love to you. And they might not even be having like penetrative sex, you know, they might be.

but they are having ecstatic sexual connection and sexual experiences that have nothing to do with this very narrowly defined idea of what sex is. I love that you said that. That's so sad to say you peek and then right. It's all downhill from here. That's a crazy thing. Let's unsubscribe from it. Yeah. I'm not subscribing to that anymore. And I think in your 30s, I started having the best sex in my life in my 30s because I just, as we get older, we just learn how to ask for more. You know your body or comfortable. You give less fucks. Yeah. I'm here to. I'm here to have an orgasm, not for you to have the orgasm. I'd love for you to have one, but I'm here to have one, too. Exactly. Well, it's also like this idea, like the sexual model that is like the peak is the orgasm, and then you have this refractory period and then you're done, right? Which is what most people subscribe to. You have an orgasm. I have an orgasm, if I'm lucky. And then we all are done and that was good. And really, particularly the female body, but the male body can train this way too,

is like you can have multiple, multiple, multiple, multiple, multiple, multiple orgasms from very different parts of your body through energetic. I mean, it is infinite. And most people think, well, I just can't do that because I've only ever experienced one orgasm. Right. And then if you experience two, you're like, oh, wait, I can teach my body and train my body how to do that. That's really interesting. And I've never had a G-spot orgasm. And then suddenly you're working with your G-spot. And after like a year or two of de-armoring or, you know, working with it, you're like, oh, no, no, I can have a G-spot orgasm. And then you're like, oh, cervical orgasm.

This is, I'm telling you literally my journey right now. Well, yeah, we want to talk about. No, we wrote a fall down to it. I also love this, like, discover a new one every decade. You know, like, this is my 40s orgasm. You know, like, this is my 40s. Yeah, exactly. This is my 60s.

I'm underarmoring my G-spot or whatever you just said. Under-arbring. No, we want to keep going down this road. And I also want to talk about training yourself to have two orgasms because sometimes I will have two in a row. I'm like, am I an icon? You're a superhero. Has anybody ever done this?

before. But I'll tell you, I feel like, and especially if you have like a partner who wants you to orgasm a lot as they should, then they're always striving for that. Because that happened a lot when I was in Cabo. I swear I had three one night in Cabo and ever since then he's back to back. You'll have three every time now. He's just like striving for that. He'd be like, remember that time? I'm like, okay, relax. Bless him though. Like bless him for like being that dedicated. He's so dedicated to that one. She actually was red face this whole trip. She was just flushed red chiefs the whole trip. Every five minutes, she just like, left to go, fuck.

We were new. It was my 40 birthday dream. We were in a giant villa with all of our good friends. It's like the hornyest place on earth. Okay. So we talk about different types of orgasms. You were going on that road. So I'm going to talk from the personal place.

And there's at least 10 types of orgasms you can have. Oh, my God. If not more. I was like, say what? Infinite. I mean, because there's like specific places you can orgasm from,

but then there's the combinations of those places. Really, it's just combinations of sensations, right, that bring you into like an exquisite. static release. Clitorals, the most common. 80% of people who have vulvas need clitoral stimulation to experience climax, especially during penetration, penetrative sex. So if you're one of those people who is having penetrative sex and is like something's wrong with me because I can't orgasm during

sex and you're not touching your clitoris, that invitation should be just like right there, just start exploring that. G spot, obviously. So for me, when I first started working with myself sexually, I could have one orgasm clitorily, and that was it. Okay. And over many years of exploration, and there was one tip that actually really helped me move the needle on that to multiple, multiple clitoral orgasms. And it was right after you have the clitoral orgasm, you place your hand on the clitoris and kind of hold it down a little bit.

And it helps it to not oversensitize. And so I started exploring with that, and I was able to, come back and have a second one. And then I was able to come back and have a third one. And at this point, I can probably have 20, 25. Like, they just keep going, basically, going and going and going. And so I was like, okay, if I can work through that part of my body, then I can probably work with any other part of my body. So G-Spot orgasm by itself has never been really that available to me. I can have combination orgasm. So combination means you're stimulating two parts at once, clitoral and g-spot. You can work with your g-spot. And one of the things that I have done a lot of

work around personally and with clients is this idea of de-armoring. And armor is just the body building up either scar tissue or numbness or some protective mechanism because there's either been overstimulation in a particular area or there was pain there. Something had to numb out or it's painful. And so de-armoring is the process of being with a part of the body. And so de-armoring is the process of being with a part of the body so specifically and with so much attunement and so much listening that the tissue starts to change, the tissue starts to come back online, the nerve endings start to come back online. And it is a process where you can really experience much more sensation and much more pleasure. And so G spot and then A spot is one that's right behind the G spot

along the urethral sponge it's about an inch behind it on the upper vaginal wall that is an orgasmic zone for many many people the cervix is one but is the a spot like anal no no it's up here on the vaginal wall she said like it's above the g spot okay yeah so if the g spot's like an inch in the a spot's like roughly two inches and it'll be different on anyone but it's up and behind the pubic bone and it's the part where when you touch it it feels a little like soft and bouncy and How do you talk about how to get to these? Yes. Yes.

Okay. So G spot. Which you've always heard a hook. The hook, right. So the G spot, and everyone has a G spot, the G spot is simply dense neural wiring inside of an erectile tissue bed that wraps around your urethra. It's called the urethral sponge. The reason a lot of people don't experience intense g spot pleasure is because they're going for penetration so fast. Okay.

And if I backtrack, the vulva and vagina need as much blood in them as a person who has a penis needs to have an erection. That's a lot of blood. If you think about all the blood moving, we need that same amount of blood. The way ours is distributed is under the clitoris, around the vestibular bulbs, which are the outer labia. So when your outer labia gets full and swollen and kind of puffy, that's a sign that you're approaching heightened arousal. That's really important. That's at that point is when you can start to think about penetration. Okay.

So get really boned up. Yeah. If you go into penetration before that, the erectile tissue bed, that is your G spot, it's not full yet. It's the last one to fill up out of all the erectile tissue beds. And so it won't feel good. It won't feel as good as it can unless you're very, very, very aroused. and that usually takes the female body 20 to 40 minutes. 25 is the average.

It's so interesting. So to have a G-spot orgasm, you would recommend external masturbation. Absolutely. Or just a lot of foreplay. And you can stimulate the G-spot if it feels good, but you're likely not going to experience, like, intense G-spot orgasmic pleasure

until you're very, very heightened in your arousal. I love that. Nobody's ever said that to me before because I've been dying to squirt my whole life. It's just my dream. And people are like, we'll just start. I've Wikipedia at it. And people always say, you know, do that hook thing, but I've never really read anybody saying, like, focus on external stimulation first.

Or just be top level aroused. Yeah, like, that's how I get there. Super. But that's a long time. Super heightened arousal. Yeah, so 25 minutes, right? Yeah. So if you were to go into a self-pleasure practice and you're like, okay, here's my timer, 25 minutes.

I'm going to spend the next 25 minutes doing everything I possibly can to get myself as turned on as possible. I'm not just going to lay on my back and touch my clit. I'm going to move my body. I'm going to breathe. I'm going to like, if your G spot feels good, then yes, touch your G spot. Go back and forth between the two. Like really turn yourself on. Touch your thighs.

Shake your ass. Like make it a full body experience. And then have a clitoral orgasm. What? And then explore your G spot. But put your hand on it like you just got a wax. Well, that's if. Okay.

If you're going from multiple clitoral orgasm. Okay. No, I'm totally just kidding. clitoral ones, but yeah, like, you can put your hand. No, it made me laugh because we were just talking about any waxes and it's like they do it and they touch it. That's what you do with your clit. I mean, this is not a hot take, but I mean, for me, prolonging this experience, smoke weed

is always really helpful for me. It really turns me on. Watching, reading or listening to porn. Yeah. Herodica. Absolutely. Reading erotica turns me on so much. You can, like, edge yourself and not touch yourself as long as possible.

Yeah. Or listening to the stories in our app. Yeah. Just cute, but like cue a couple of them up of your feet. favorite voices. We've an app with erotic audio. Fibes only at you guys. But like I could see and like someone hearing this like how do I do this for 20 fucking minutes. That's how I do it. There's different ways, but I think that's a great way. Yeah, what's your pathway in? And women respond really well to audio erotica. As you know, I'm sure it's like the best pathway in for us. So yeah, so that's the

clitoris. The G spots about one inch in maybe a little bit more than that. But you can feel it if you're laying on your back. Place your finger in. How do you go in and you hook? Yeah. If you place your finger and it's the ridgy, spongy tissue that has, it's a different quality. Like, it feels kind of spongy and has ridges. That's right around your G spot. And you just kind of touch it? Well, this is the exploration of the G spot is what feels good for you is not what feels good for me. And there's always that internet thing where they're like, yeah, hook it and like, you know, rub it really hard and then she'll squirt. And then all of the guys that have seen that video is like, go in hard on the G spot and they're like, you know, like trying to like. That did happen to a friend of

line. Well, she hooked up with this celebrity. I'm not going to say his name. She was like, I don't know what happened. He went in there and all of a sudden I was like squirting everywhere. Yeah. Like he knew the thing. He knew the button. Well, and that can work for some people. For some people, that'll be far too intense. If you don't hook, you can kind of use your hands in a circular motion. Like put upward pressure on it and circular pressure around it or sweep side to side. I've found that the more subtle the sensation, the more it allows your G-spot to like slowly wake up. A lot of us have had lots of drunk sex, lots of early 20s sex, lots of poorly lubricated sex. And the G-spot's very easy to create scar tissue on, little bits of sand papery scar tissue.

And scar tissue constricts blood flow. And blood flow is arousal. So when you bring very gentle movement, that subtle touch back to the G spot, it kind of allows that scar tissue to break up and resolve, and so much more sensation will come back online. Okay. And so even if you're just holding the G spot with one finger

and pressing up against it, you'll feel this little pulsing of blood there. Okay. And you can bring like pleasurable clitoral stimulation. And it's like the exploration of all different types of touch that really activate it. Okay. And then G spot, so behind G spot is,

the A spot and probably another inch to an inch and a half in. And that one I've found likes a little bit more pressure, a little bit more stimulation. There's the cervix. There's the case spot. I mean, there's literally, there's so many of these little zones inside our vagina and all over our body that sky's a limit. You guys are so lucky. I can't get in there. I have really long hair nails. I'm looking at both of your fingernails like, you guys are so lucky. I've never felt that before. I mean, I wouldn't go in with a nail. I mean, that's what I keep thinking about. I keep my fingernails short. Yeah. Yeah. You were really doing all the self-exploitation. I mean, I could do it slowly, but it would have to do. Yeah, yeah. You could do it slowly,

especially if you went in slowly or with a toy. I just like the idea. I know, I'm thinking of our toys. I mean, I do think the rena. Yeah, it has the hook. Any curved thing. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. You can go in. You can go in and go in there and kind of play around. Yeah. Lucy, great call. Oh, I love it. We'll give you some toys to go. Because it's got like a finger thing. Yeah, that would be crazy. Homework. I'll text you guys later. To rename it. G spot hitter.

Can we talk about masculine and feminine energy? Yeah. Because I think probably there's a lot of like boss names that are like, I have a lot of bring a lot of masculine energy. I want to learn how to be my feminine energy a little bit more. But can we just talk about those concepts? Yeah. So firstly, these terms are highly politicized and highly weaponized.

And so I give it with that kind of warning to it that they're not gender-specific, and they're the easiest terms that we can use to associate with certain qualities that people will understand. So when you're talking about masculine and feminine, you're talking about energies that are, they exist in everything in the universe. And it is consciousness and love. Those are the energies. Feminine is love. It's all energy. It's all life. It's everything you can experience. It's every emotion that you can experience. It's creative life energy. The masculine is consciousness. It's the witness. It's the structure that holds the experience of life itself. And so the idea of sexual polarity is that these two poles that exist

in everyone, everyone has feminine, everyone has masculine. The two poles, if you learn how to turn the volume up on certain qualities, it brings out very magnetic sexual experiences because one person's being the anchor, the stillness, the depth of consciousness, and the other person is in full expression, full pleasure, like full ecstasy, full life. And one draws out the other more like magnets. Do they pull to each other? I like the way that you described it. And this isn't just like boy and girl, you know, but I think it's like kind of what Raina was alluding to is you're in your quote unquote masculine all day. You're running businesses. You're telling people what to do. And then you're having trouble releasing that in the bedroom. You want to be in your, I guess we've heard other experts call it,

like in your flow state, you want to be in your feminine, your love state, all of that, and you have trouble getting there. Right. So it's like structure and flow. Masculine is highly associated with structure because it is the container that holds life energies. For example, mothers with young children are often very much in their masculine because they have to lead. They have to be directive. They have to provide structure for their children. Women who run businesses have to be in their masculine because they're having to lead. They're having to give structure. They're having to be directive, all of those qualities are associated with the masculine. And so if you can have a practice that's both structured, you can recognize when you're in structure, when you're in that kind of

penetrative directive, focused depth, and then a practice where you can open and be just in flow and in expression and in sensation. Sensation is a really good way to be in your feminine because it's about feeling and responding, right? So breath is something that the feminine, you can use as part of your, you know, feminine embodiment if you want to be more in your feminine. And I want to name that, like, the feminine that people name sometimes is like, oh, I want to be feminine because they're wanting to be more soft. Or they're saying, I wish my partner was more feminine.

That helps nobody because it's not specific enough. You really have to name the qualities that you're aching to feel in yourself or in your partner. I love that you're saying this and that we're assigning certain qualities to men and calling it masculine. And it's like, well, when I do these things that are typically quote unquote masculine, I have to learn how to get back to being feminine so that those people will be attracted to me. And yeah, I guess I am a little bothered by that concept. Yeah. I understand it.

Totally. So taking the masculine feminine out of it, what are we actually craving to feel? Am I craving to feel more surrendered? Am I able to be led by my partner? Am I able to relax and trust that they want to take me on a job? journey and I know that they're going to touch my body in a way that feels good and I trust myself enough to be responsive enough to say when it doesn't feel good or when I don't like it. One of the core feminine qualities is responsiveness and being able to share clearly the truth of

your heart in any moment. And so what's true in a sexual moment, let's say the truth of your heart is like, oh, that doesn't feel good anymore. Not overriding it, not pretending that it's not happening, not trying to pretend you're enjoying it, but literally going like, ugh, ah, you know, or like free, like, wake up. Yeah, I'm not, you're not tracking me. Yeah. Or the opposite of like, that feels so good. And oh, this, yeah, exactly. Just a total release there. Yeah, allowing your voice to open, expressing. Yeah, exactly. I love that. And I guess that's kind of exactly what we were asking. You know, you like have control all day. Yeah. Whatever you're doing when you're in your masculine, if that's the person that we're talking about

and you want to go into the bedroom and you want to trust and let them lead and relinquished control. Yeah. That's how I think of it. But also the masculine isn't about control and I want to be nuanced with it because control can show up anywhere. Control can show up in the feminine and can show up in the masculine. Okay. One of the gifts of the masculine is being so deep and so tethered to consciousness. This sounds very woo, but you'll be able to feel it hopefully as I describe it.

is being able to be so deep in your breath, so attuned to the moment that you're able to track and witness everything that's happening. And so if you're a masculine partner, you want you to bring out more of your masculine in a sexual moment, your breath is really deep and your structure is really strong. And you're watching your partner like a hunter. And nothing that they do gets away from you. So if her breath stops or if she stops, you know, moving in a particular way, you notice. Right.

You're not getting lost in your own experience. She can be. She can be. The feminine. Exactly. The feminine can be. Yeah. And you're the one.

I love the way. And then you can swap, right? And then you can, you know, you can gift each other with that. Like you're in this surrendered experience of sensation and pleasure so fully. And I got you. And I'm not going to let any bit of your experience get away from my awareness. Well, it almost makes me feel like if we want to give an example of maybe when, if we're talking about a heterosexual relationship, that the woman is in her masculine and the man is in the feminine is kind of like oral sex to me. Yeah, absolutely.

I feel like that's when you are like in control, like we're going to tread lightly with that word, but like you are the one that's really paying attention. You're grounded and you're letting him completely release. Absolutely. Yeah. Especially like gifting and men don't experience enough pleasure. Like they really don't. and gifting your partner, a blowjob where you're like, I want to just bathe you in the gift of being totally lost in this experience.

Like, I want to just bathe you in it. So lay down. You oil his body. You like really, really find the part of you that is devotional to his pleasure. And you notice every little bit you are attuned to him. Like, that's one of the best gifts on the planet that you can turn down. I think they're doing good on. They're doing fine in the orgasms.

but I think what you mean is like they don't get enough like well it's the worship like full circle of pleasure yeah but really like the quality of worship the quality exactly yeah yeah like they're having a lot of orgasms than women statistically but not that type of pleasure totally it turns me on so much I'm just saying this for years I love giving a blow job yeah I love it I love the way somebody's body moves I love hearing the sounds they make absolutely I love feeling them like buck against you and I'm like I did that yeah yeah yeah go I'm just like a man. I'm kidding.

I'm like how successful I am. I have another question we wanted to ask you like in this realm of like, how do you get into that moment and stay in that moment? It's hard to just like surrender and stay present because I have a running list of shit. I got to do it all the time. So it's hard for, I'm going to love sex.

But it's hard for a lot of people, I think, to just get in the moment, especially for your children and be in the moment. Right. Yeah. So pleasure happens in the moment. And pleasure happens when you feel safe.

So safety is like a baseline for any experience. and it's not like all the T's have to be crossed and all eyes have to be dotted. It's not precious, right? But there has to be a baseline sense of safety in your nervous system to even be able to be an experience pleasure. Pleasure is simply positive sensation, registering in your body. Being able to stay there can be really hard. And the best tool for it is breath because breath immediately takes you out of your mind.

It immediately takes you out of thought. And if you can imagine, just you can close your eyes and imagine like, You're in a sexual moment and it's feeling really good. It's feeling really good. And then all of a sudden you start thinking, I'm taking too long. This is taking too long. I'm almost to the point of orgasm and, ooh, I lost it. Where did your awareness go?

Right. Outside. It went from your pussy to your head. And so breath, you can literally breathe your awareness back down into your sensation. And if all you're focusing on is sensation and breathing, then you're right there in it and you can stay. But it is a practice. This sounds like a great practice to do solo to then bring into the bedroom. Yeah.

Okay. I love this episode and I love your content. You are so calming. And you did this video. I think people should all find your Instagram. We'll plug it. But there was one video about ways to connect with your sensuality and you're very calming. And the third tip was like, stop wearing panties.

And I was like, she just hit me out of nowhere with that one. She's trying to turn me on. Yeah. She's like, do you feel my sensuality? I love it. But the first few tips, I was like, this is so beautiful and moving. Oh, you were talking about rotating your pants more. And then you're like, stop wearing panties.

Yeah. Throw your panties out. And you save money. This is important. This is important. Not wearing underwear? Yes. Okay.

I'm really on this kick. I'm really on this kick right now. Oh, I haven't worn underwear in years. But I also don't get me started on people who wear underwear with their like workout pants. I get too fired up. They're not made for that. Don't get Lululemon will tell you they're made to wear. Okay, you know what?

I will get too mad. Do it. When I see a woman with a panty line under a Lulum and a line lagging, I'm like, why? The only reason is because I don't want to wash them twice. Yeah. You know? They're on. You're on two days in a row.

Yeah. Oh, well, if I'm working out, I got to wash them. Well, that's true. Why work out in the morning? But I hear you. You don't want to be all. Okay. That's the only reason.

Okay, but really like, can diving into the underwear thing because I keep thinking about it and I'm like, I haven't done the research. Who invented underwear? Why are they here? Why were they invented? And obviously there's some like, okay, barrier to the outside world. Capture your discharge, basically. Those are the two reasons that I'm like, okay, that seems reasonable.

It's a whole, it's a gaping hole in the center of the body. Fine. Also, though, it's not really, like the amount of discharge is relative to your cycle. And there's something that when you walk around with a dress on, And you are not wearing underwear and you feel a long dress. A maxi. Or maybe a knee like, I don't know. You wear a lot of short dresses anyway.

Let's see. We're help. A midi or a maxi. Okay. But when you're walking around and you can feel your body moving, holy shit. Yes. I love this. Different level of awareness of your pussy all day long.

You just get fingered at any time. You can get fingered anytime and you can all. No, I love to sit on the bus. Get fingered by a stranger. But this is a great starting point. Maxi dress, no underwear. You're right. That's so sexy to feel like a nice quality.

If it's like cotton or just a breathable nice material like flowing against your body. Yeah. Because some people have, and this comes straight from sexological bodywork school, some people have a total lack of awareness of their genitals. It's like called something like the genital black hole or something. But they literally can't sense them, can't feel them, don't think about them. common even just throughout the day like maybe they do sexually but for the rest of the time it's like you know belly button up is where my awareness lives you take your underwear off you walk around in a dress

and there's no way you're not feeling your genitals there is no way you're not so that's another piece of homework tell us how it works out but then if you're new to this world if you're not to have yourself cleaning oven yeah you're going to be like what i got her under the bathroom yeah it can happen but you know what that's the life it's fine that's the life it's fine that's the All right. All of your homework today is take your panties off, go on a hot girl walk. Yeah. Yeah. Even if it's five minutes. Yeah. Well, this is wonderful. I mean, we've talked to so many different people in the sex space and they've all been wonderful. These are some of our favorite conversations. But it's so refreshing when someone comes in with really different ways of explaining things, thinking about things. It opens our eyes and our audience. So this was just really special. Thank you. All that. You're wonderful. Tell everybody where they can find you. And you teach workshops as well. Yeah. I do. So I have a few online courses that are like. Like go at your own pace, do it from your own bedroom.

And then they can find me on my website, kianaraves.com. And also my Instagram, how you found me at kiana. kina.orgia.com. Okay. Great. And you guys know where to find us. Girls Gotta eat.com for tour tickets and merch, of course. Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok.

I'm Ash Hess. Raina is rana. com. Vibes only.com. Get those toys, the lube, the blow gel, all the things. And subscribe on YouTube. share this episode with a friend, take your panties off, and we will see you on Thursday. Enjoy your two days off.

Okay. Bye.