Girls Gotta Eat - Should You and Your Partner Have the Same Party Habits?

Episode Date: August 1, 2022

It's PARTY TIIIME....and by that we mean discussing party habits in a relationship. We're deep diving on drinking and dating and how to assess the dynamic when you and your partner don't align, plus chatting about drugs, socializing (introverts vs. extroverts), trust issues, drunk fights, our past experiences, and more. Before we get into the topic, we're analyzing a never-before-seen dating app behavior, and deciding whether to catch a cheater. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Favor: Become a patient at heyfavor.com/gge to get your first birth control care package + give a $10 donation to bedsider.org. Olipop: Get 20% off your Olipop order with free shipping at drinkolipop.com/gge or use code GGE at checkout. Buffy: For $20 off your order visit buffy.co and enter promo code GGE. HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/gge16 and use code GGE16 for 16 free meals across 7 boxes + 3 free gifts. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I mean, listen, it was my hobby. That was my hobby. And I would, like, do it in the car before I'd, like, meet up with him. What? We all have a past, you know. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gottingy. Welcome back. I'm having the best week.

It's the first time I've been here for, like, a full week in so long. Yeah? Yeah. I'm going to go week. I'm feeling it's a Tuesday, just a man, had a solid Monday. I feel great. You really did have a solid Monday. We're going to talk about it.

I, um, no, it feels nice to be back in, like, the routine. I have worked out eight out of the last nine days. The whole time we've been back? I don't think the people would recommend doing that. But yeah. I didn't work out the whole time we were away. And I just felt, I've been feeling a little inflamed on my insides. And so it's been making me feel better. Well, okay. So I was surprised that you didn't know or you didn't remember that like if you go to Europe for weeks on end, you come back and you eat American food and you feel fucked up. I don't know. You were like, I'm so bloated. I'm like, yeah, bitch. That's what happens. When you come back.

and start eating all the fucking chemicals we eat day to day. Like when you're over there eating all that fresh food and you come back and you're like, why do I feel like absolute dog shit? It's like, welcome to America. It's been taking me minutes. It's like bounce back from this. I bounced back, but I felt had that like hard bloat stomach for like days. I have it.

I also say like, you know, I was really married to like wake up every morning, weigh myself, have a bad day for so many years. I'm just not like that anymore. It's only about how I feel. So I have no idea what I weighed before the trip. I have no idea what I weighed before the trip. It's just I don't feel good and so I want to do stuff to feel good

So I haven't stepped on a scale in years I just I mean Heather McMahon too Like she was like I was drinking two bottles of wine In Italy to myself every night for a month And now I come back I have three glasses of rosé in America And I feel like shit On a scale of like one to 10 I miss her honeymoon at like a 12th

I know I know I'm sure you guys know Heather McMahon But she's been on our show twice We've been on her show And she just recently got married and honeymooned in Italy And oh my God It was the most fun thing to watch. And then it was like towards the end,

all these airline issues happen, the strikes. And I was like, what's going to happen? And they had to like drive. And she was like, fucking with Jeff. I was like, this is my favorite show. When you wrote the finale is lit. I know. I was like, I'm so sad her honeymoon's coming to an end,

but the finale is lit. So you know what I want to ask people? We don't ask this very often, but everybody's going on trips and looking for content to listen to on planes. Recommend us to a friend. Anytime you have a friend going on a trip,

getting on plane, trains, automobiles, taking a road trip with your boyfriend. Recommend girls got to eat to your friends. Everyone's traveling. You need something to listen to those murder podcasts. They're going to give you nightmares. Fuck all the other podcasts out there. Listen to girls got to eat. So I ask you guys to please recommend us to other people.

Put us in your Instagram stories. Keep tagging us. Just because we've been around for four and a half years. Doesn't mean we don't need you. Tell a friend and I know why you're doing this. Why? Because you interviewed with Jared yesterday. He really inspired me.

You were with Jared Fried and he's so good at doing this. I was sitting next to the boardlord's bed. Oh my God. I didn't even show you this. I was in his bathroom taking photos. And he has this photo on the wall. It's very funny. It's a drawing of him holding a charcutory board wearing an apron that says

board lord and it sits over his toilet. That's over his toilet. I'm obsessed. I'm going to put on my answer. I need to get over there. I need to be in Jared's home. Yeah, I'll be on J-Train podcast. I think this week.

Oh, it was J-Train. I thought we're doing luxury lounge. I got to get back in that luxury lounge. I loved it. I felt so at home. I really wrecked up, really superficial stuck-up stuff to complain about. And then he flipped the script on me. No.

Oh my gosh. I wonder what the video looks like because I ate this big salad before and I was having like really bad stomach pain. So I'm like wincing the whole episode. American food. American food. It wouldn't happen in Europe. So speaking of her peak guests, by the way, Jared, Heather McMahon, we have a great

guest for you guys next week. It's Nikki Glazer. We're so excited to have her back and she is the host of Thuck Boy Island on HBO Max. So we're going to be talking about the finale and the whole show. So watch it, guys. Watch it. We're telling you now. Watch it, watch it, watch it.

We have, we got pre-screeners. So we were able to, we finished it at this point. I couldn't stop. I loved the finale. I love the whole show. It's fantastic. It'll be out before our episode of her comes out on the eighth. Yeah.

So F Boy Island, Season 2, HBO Max. Mickey's so funny. And it's my favorite of the two seasons. I like the second one better. You do? Yeah. Okay. I mean, you know me.

I do love the second season, but I love a first season because you really don't know what's happening. Right. Like the first season, you can't top it because you just are like, what is happening?

I like the leads on the second season better. I liked all three girls a little bit better. And they bring back people from the first season if you guys liked the first season. Yes. Yes. So watch that, you guys. Really quick, just going to talk to you about vibes only. We have the mango blowjob gel and the lube back in stock.

Our lube and our blow gels are superior products. and the Raina is coming soon. We promise it's as soon as we can get out there. So stay tuned for the Raina and for the Vanilla Frosting Blow Gel. Those are coming soon and then get in the app because I will say that the new series in the app, it is this BDSM series, a partner that's dominating you and it's going to get more intense and more kinky as the stories go on. And it is, I think, hands down, the sexiest voice. And the story is so sexy. Like everything in there right now is just like, oh my That's why Ashley continues to masturbate on our own. Listen, I am on fire.

My sexual energy is off the charts and I feel like the app has to do that. You're running sexual, you're running sexual circles around me. Earlier, I said of running laps from my vagina. I don't like it. Also in the app, we did a whole BDSM themed weeks. We have Colette, who is the dominatrix we've had on the show before. She is talking to you guys about how to use riding crops in the bedroom. And we have Kim Pham, who is a dominatrix as well.

And she's talking about why you basically, like, shouldn't be intimidated by BDSM and miss surrounding it. So videos about that. The stories are so hot this week. There is a three-day free trial so you guys can get in there. Check it out. And we're working on some updates in the next couple weeks. So tons of good stuff. When we say coming soon, we meet in the next couple weeks.

Rain will be back in stock. Rennelafrosting. Raina will be back. She's bored in a plane. She's on her way to us. She's on her way. She's like, first class. We had Montreal.

We're recording the day. before we leave from Montreal. So we'll chat about it next week. I'm sure it was incredible. It's always our favorite thing ever. I cannot wait. And then again, maybe this is like the last week that we'll say this and bring the mood down. But we did push back our late summer and fall shows. We're postponing them. We're rescheduling as we speak. We're working all this out and coming at a time that hopefully will be better for you guys and better for us and everything. So you should have received those refunds if you had tickets to Atlanta, Nashville, Charlotte, Philly, or Boston. Again, we're so sorry. We're so heartbroken. Thank you.

you guys for being so kind and so understanding about all of this. And if you have any issues, you didn't get your refund, reach out to your point of purchase. You absolutely should have. So maybe you missed it. Always check your spam and things like that. But we really are sorry. We're coming. We just had a call on when this is all going to happen. And we're so excited to see you guys when we get back on the road. I am doing some stand-up. You want to come see me. You know, I already had a stand-up tour in the works. So I'll be in Chicago, August 11th and 12th. Maybe some tickets left for that show on the 11th. That was the third show that I added. and coming to Denver, which I'm so excited. Comedy Works, first beginning of November,

and then I am actually headlining the Red Clay Comedy Festival in Atlanta. Why do I say I like that? Atlanta. That was so wrong. In Atlanta, November 13th. So that is going to be at the Variety Playhouse. I am so excited. You can get festival passes now, but individual tickets to that show will be on sale on August 15th.

So save the date. So Chicago, Denver, Atlanta. I'm coming for you. So if you guys miss us, you can go see Ashley. Her stand-up is so funny and so much fun. I'll beat the show in Chicago. I might beat the Denver one too. I don't know.

We'll see. Just come. In the audience, I'm not performing. And of course, you guys know we don't take canceling these shows and moving them flippantly. We had a meeting with our agents yesterday. We picked 35 new shows to do. So we'll be announcing them as soon as possible.

We're diligently working to do this. So this isn't like we canceled it and, you know, whenever. We're working really hard to announce this for you guys and we'll have them all out as soon as possible. Yes. I'm really excited to go to JFEL. We leave tomorrow. So this will be a little date. by the time we get back with the last JFL, two years ago,

I, like, fuck this really hot guy who was covered in tattoos. He was so beautiful. And I was thinking about it today. It's, like, really topical for the episode because he was, like, so drunk. Yes. Remember, like, stumbling around. Yeah, like, barely could function.

Yes. We went back to the hotel and we couldn't get any more, like, alcohol because it was, like, 2.30 in the morning. And he was going to punch a hole through the bar tent, like, the glass to, like, get some wine. I was like, this is the worst luck of all time. No. So it's very topical for today's episode because I was thinking like,

that's a guy that you like fuck on a date or on the road. You don't date that person. It's not. I mean, that's crazy. Yeah, it's funny because I would, I just,

if I feel like, and we'll talk about this, but like someone is so drunk, they're stumbling, they're slurring. Like, I'm not fucking that person. But then I'm like,

I used to be that person. Like, yeah, your age matters. When you're both that person, you don't know. And then it's funny to think of times when you and some other person were like the drunk couple and other people are sober seeing it.

They're like, oh my God. It's nice of a running mate that's exactly the way you are. Yeah, if you're like that you're talking about it. Go for your partner in crime. I wrote partner in crime down. I'm not proud of it. But listen, I'm not about doing it again. He's so hot.

He's going to be there. So he started dating somebody, this like beautiful girl. I saw you to unfollowed me, which is like, I don't care. And then I went to his page yesterday. I saw he was re-following me and she is not there anymore. Like that's purposeful. like he unfollowed it, then refollowed. It's also weird he unfollowed me because I'm like a comedian.

Like I'm in his world. It's not weird that he follows me. And you weren't like hitting him up. Like, never. I miss you, babe. Like you were like, that was a mess. You know? Yeah, exactly.

I was never, I never like reached out. We had a really nice. We'd won exchange after we slept together. He was like, that was so fun. You're so great. Blah, blah, blah. Have a safe trip back. And that was it.

Sometimes you just got to have. have a one night stand and keep it as a memory and not want anything else from it. And that's not like a hot take, but it's a lesson to learn. Like, let's just leave this where it should be. Not everything has to be a thing. Like that dude in Greece. I mean, it's just like, it's what it is. He made Ashley a mark. Yeah. And it's just like fun story, fun memory, fun sex. And let's leave it. Yeah, not everything is like to reconnect with these people and make from vacation. Sometimes you can. What does this mean? Nothing. It doesn't mean anything. I mean, you both had fun. me literally nothing. I'm excited too. We were in, when Europe, we were like so sad to come back. And I was

like, Randy, you just have to like look at the JFL lineup, see someone that you are excited to like flirt with or fuck or whatever. And that's going to keep you going. Yeah. Until we get there. Yes, I'm really excited. I was perusing the line. But yeah, we'll see. We'll keep you guys up to let you know. And it's going to be really fun. So many of our friends are coming. Hannah-Berner got new faces, which is a huge honor. We're so excited to see her perform. And Ali Colbert, also, Colbert. Colbert. And Marcello, who hasn't been on the show, but he's our friend. We love Marcello and Denver. You guys, I'm bringing Marcello to Denver.

No one's on here. He's going to open for me. Except for Ashley. No, he's so good. I brought him to D.C. He is, he will. The way you bought. I was like, oh, I was about to agree that I was like, oh.

Buy tickets to see Marcella. Ashley will be there too. Yeah, yeah. I'll get over for Marcello. So I should put him on the bill. But he is, he will be a star. Mark my words. He's so, so funny.

So if you guys come see me in Denver, he will be there. So I'm not going to like try to put you on blast, but you are running circles around my vagina. So you had a date last night. I had a date. I feel like this was a date I was excited to tell you about because of like what we did for dinner. It's just so funny because this morning I was like mad about something. And so I was like, I want to hear about your day. And then I started popping off.

And I was like, but I want to hear about your day. And then I was mad. And then I was like, I want to spend my day hearing about your date. So it was a roller coaster. Because in my mind, I like, wanted to get mad about something with my business partner. But like, my friend, I wanted to like talk shit. Yeah, it's a balance. Yeah.

No, I mean, I don't want to like say every detail of the date. Like I just, it's someone I knew before and knows my friends and I don't need to recap it top to bottom. But I just thought it was interesting because I did say I'm interested in people that are older, like, or my age or older, you know. So the person I went out at this 40, which is great. And we went on like a very adult dinner date. We went to Graham Mercy Tavern. I'd never been there. I knew you had.

I mean, you didn't work there, right? So I worked for Danny Myers, his second restaurant that he opened, but probably, like, his most famous in New York. It's like a three-star fine dining, really great wine program, amazing restaurant. Special date place. Really special. I really had such a great experience.

But I wouldn't go probably to a place like that with a person I didn't know at all on a first date. I've even said it before. Like, I don't want to sign up even for a dinner with a stranger. It's a big commitment. And we were talking about like, they've tasty menus. So it's a lot of service at the table.

I know we were doing the tasty menu and we sat down and he told the server we were doing the tasty menu. I was like, oh, are we? Like, I was like, okay. Like, I'm here for it, the wine pairing. Like, he's like a wine guy. So it was a nice experience. But again, like if someone at first date, a stranger, like someone from an app,

which I'm not even trying to do that, but like wanted to go there, I would be like and sit at the bar. Like I wouldn't sit down and have like a drawn out long, hours long dinner with a stranger. but this is someone that I knew from before. So I was like, this is great. This is, I'm like, I'm in. When I first moved to New York, when I was like 22, 23, I actually might have. Because I was like, I'm in this new city.

I'm trying to like try all this new stuff. Girls got to eat. Now I'm less inclined to because it's, I'm like, if I want to do that, I'll do with my girlfriends. Like, I'm not trying to do those kind of experiences. But I will walk back what I said last week about paying on dates. I do think that you should split dates with people. But it is really sexy if somebody is like, I made a plan.

It's an expensive plan. And also, I got it. There's no weirdness. around it. That's how it should be with a man who's 40 years old. Yeah. That there should be no weirdness about paying. I don't want to split a first date ever. I don't care. I mean, the only time I've said I did it is because I don't want to ever want to see that person again. Like, yeah, it kind of circles back to what we were talking about. You couldn't take my experience out of it. But like, if you go out with somebody who is an adult and they asked you out, they chose the place,

and then they want to have a nice experience. Like, don't even pretend to reach for your bag. They, They plan to pay for this. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's, I'm not, it's like, that's how I felt, but that's how it does feel. There was no question. That's what you wanted to do.

And I'm glad to be here. I can see somebody, I mean, at that level, being like a little insulted if you even offered. Yeah. You just say thank you. And then you suck their dick. And that's all. I did not suck his dick. No, but.

He didn't bring that mango blowjole with her. Yeah, because the blow gel's out of stock. No, it was a good date. I, yeah, I had a good Monday. Good. Yeah. It's a good way to start the week. Okay.

That's the extent of you sharing. That's good. It's a good share. It's a great share. Yeah. We'll leave it at that. You guys, I'm having like a dry spell,

but I feel like it's not intended. I'm just not trying. I feel like I'm in this place where I just don't care to try. Yeah. But if somebody else tried, I'd try. I mean, we'll see what happens in much real. I'll get back to you guys.

Yeah. I'll get back. I promise. I promise for you guys. I feel it. I had something I wanted to see how you felt about this. I'd already told you,

but I wanted to talk to you about it on the show and like with the listeners. So I have been on Raya and with Raya and I guess with any dating app, you don't really know when someone liked you. Like it could have been years ago when I was on it. Like I don't really know. I don't know the inner workings of their tech. But I matched with this guy like he had already liked me. So I matched with him and it says like you're connected and then they're like in your inbox. Right. So he sent me this message and he said, hi, so I'm not exactly sure when we saw each other on here, but I started seeing someone, I figured I'd reach out since there always seems to be a lot of matching, then no talking. I'm not sure if this is better, or LOL, which it's very much, it's giving like,

got to tell everyone I have a girlfriend kind of energy. Like, I have two things about it. I think it's a nice gesture. I didn't need it and I don't care. And I like, if I reached out to you, I would have really appreciated that. But I didn't need that message. At nowhere. But I found, I think the intention was nice. I think that he's probably hearing women complain or just in general knowing that like people match and then they just never speak to each other.

But that's also the nature of dating apps. Like sometimes you just match with somebody and you never speak to one another. And if somebody wants to speak, they speak. And you know what I'm saying? You're being very kind. I don't need that message. I don't want it. I think it's really weird.

I think that like you guys weren't like, even if you were like, exchanging nudes, I understand that a little more because a guy would be like, listen, my girl could see this pop up and I want her to understand. I want her to see those words that I told this person, I'm seeing another person. Also, I didn't talk to you. You reached out to me unsolicited to tell me you're dating somebody. Also, then get off the app, bro. Why are you even in this neighborhood?

Yes, like it's kind of like now I'm kind of coming around to like how I really feel. There she is. Why are you on the app then? I think it's really weird behavior. It was such a weird thing. And I mean, I do, like, I don't know. The intention does seem genuine, but it's very bizarre. If you are seeing someone so serious enough that you feel the need to preemptively message a stranger and tell them about it, why are you on this app?

I don't understand it. It's not like you changed nudes. You weren't sexting. You didn't have plans to go on a date. And then he, like, ghosted out of it. Yeah. There was no exchange of, like, emotional currency here that there's a reason why he should be saying this to you. The only thing it says to me, and it is so farfetched, this would really be.

the case is that the person he's dating is highly jealous and he's like, she may someday go into this app and start going through my messages and I just want some kind of concrete evidence I'm not fucking around. But what up what's the app off your phone? It's a crazy thing. That's, take the app off your phone. Right. What are we doing here? I think it's really weird behavior. Isn't it weird? If you had, of course, if you had opened up the door and been like, hey, just want to pick this up, let's get a drink. Yeah, that's normal. Hey, just want to let you know. Hey, just in case I didn't get to reject you last time, so I just want to make sure I get to reject you now.

Honestly, the more we talk about, the more insane it is. To open a conversation on a dating app and be like, hey, not sure when this happened, but I'm in a relationship. It's like, I feel like this is a person's first girlfriend or something. Wait, when was the last message that you exchanged? I never messaged him. We just matched. There's no explanation for this.

Right. Okay, it's so fucking weird. It's very bizarre behavior. The only, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to hypothesize another thing. I think this guy's just like, let me just see if I can get her to be interested now. Maybe she is a cheating fetish. I mean, what could the reasoning be? You had no forward motion.

You didn't talk about anything. It's not like, you were like, let's go on a date. And he was like, hey, I'm so sorry. That's really kind. If somebody is like, I mean, it's overly honest. But if somebody's like, I'm seeing somebody now, got more serious. 1,000 percent. 1,000 percent.

Like, he opened with that. It's bizarre. You've never met. what if he wanted you to be like, that's hot? Are you looking for a third? Okay, well, another app update. Zee. Shut up.

So we said this before that this guy liked me on Hinge. Remember, I'm trying to stay off Hinge, but he, this like, I'm trying to stay off Hinge. I'm like to go in there and see what's going on. You know, it's not for me. It's not my world anymore. So, but no shade. So this guy had liked me on Hinge, like,

actively. Like, he's active on Hinge. He liked me. This wasn't some old-ass match. Like, this could have been on Raya, whatever. Like, I didn't like him. He liked me. And then someone, we found out through a friend that this guy fully has a partner and really should not be active on the dating apps. I guess there's this teeny tiny chance that they're open, but we just don't really think they are. And I didn't like him in the first place. I had just exed out. And then we've been talking about this with our friend. And she's like, I feel so weird about this. Like, I feel like I know this thing. And we had this whole conversation in the podcast, maybe two, three, four weeks ago, two, three weeks ago.

And he liked me again and messaged me and was like, hey, beautiful. And I wanted to go out. And now I'm busy and I'm going to other dates. But I wanted to go out as like a recon mission to see what's going on here. Like, I'll catch a predator. I'm kidding. A cheater. I'll catch a cheater.

I just wanted to say that. I'll catch a cheater. It's really funny. It's a really shooting situation. We told our friend who knows this guy's probably. girlfriend. Well, I'd send it to her to say, like, remember, the whole thing was like, hey, do you know this guy who looks like your type joking around? And then she was like, no, that's my friend's boyfriend. Right. So the only two ways I would tell a person is if it was my closest friend or an acquaintance.

If it's somebody I didn't know super well, I don't really have like a dog in this fight. I might be like, hey, I just, I heard this saying. I just want to let you know. Well, yeah. I feel like I would try to feel out if they were open because that's very plausible. Uh-huh. Like this guy is. really out there. He's matching. He's messaging. Like, active. It would be very shocking today. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Of course it happens. But for somebody to be using Hinge as a way to cheat on their girlfriend is very strange to me because the plausibility that you are absolutely getting caught, even in New York City is pretty high. I mean, I just, it's like, I think that they're, it's either they're open or it's like he does not give a fuck and he knows she'll stay with him no matter what. And he,

some guys are so sleazy. Like, they do whatever they want all the time. They know you'll buy their bullshit. They know that they can somehow spin it on you, especially if the girl's a lot younger and she's like obsessed with them. Like, there's definitely tons of guys out there that are like, I'm going to do whatever I want. If I get caught, I will spin it.

I'll lie. I'll get vulnerable. Like, they're out there. It's fucking gross. Yeah, I mean, I've been, we're going to do an episode about liars. So about one, I mean, yeah, there's pathological liars that'll lie to your face and gaslight you and you can have screenshots. lots of stuff. They'll tell you you're crazy. A hundred percent. Like this exists. It doesn't matter

how nice the person is, how good looking, how good looking, how kind they are to you. Like, they can lie to your face and gaslight you like crazy and it's happened to me. Pretty recently. But absolutely, this is like, either he is like such a scumbaguer or they've an open relationship. Like, we're going to stay on it. We'll keep you guys updated. I want to find, I want to find out. I do. And I think you're right. That's a good call to kind of like fish around with your friend and be like, are you guys open? It's just, it's so public. It's, there's The apps for people that want to have a third. There's apps for people that want to cheat.

Go on. What is it? Ashley Madison. I know. I kind of just like, I think I'm going to, all right, I'm going to message him back. I want to go on a date with him and be like, do you think it's too much work? I want him to lie to my face. If it's a rush.

I love knowing somebody's lying to me and making them lie more. It is such a rush. Ashley, what did you say? It made me laugh so hard about lying earlier. You were like, this is not how I live. Well, I caught someone in a lie and I can't really call them out on it. And I feel like I'm going to go. my ministry.

The way you said it when you like mansplained to me that like you're just not down with liars. It made me, I laughed out loud so hard. I like gasped. I don't, it's, I'm, I feel like I'm not being true to myself. I can't call this person out. It's, I'm not going to get into the details. But like, you know, you ever have somebody lie.

You're like, you're lying. Have I ever? Yeah. Yeah, a lot. Absolutely. It's funny. I mean, you are better than most at body language and then just catching people in lies. You just are.

Yeah. I'm really good at it. in another life, I would want to be a PI. Do you have, let me ask you, I've never asked you this. So you know there's like tells for when somebody's lying, the way that they like touch their body, the way that their breathing changes, their eyes, like, things like that. Do you have like certain tells? I don't know.

It's just like innate. I'm just born. I'm born this way. You just born at that? I just, I think I have a really good handle on people and the way that they communicate. Like, you just know. You, I don't know. I mean, I'm not going to go.

I'm not going to explain this situation. but it was like, I could just tell. You could tell the way this person said this thing, the way they've stumbled over it, the way it was a totally fake thing. You know, like it wasn't a good enough lie. Yeah, I mean, I think that you can tell also based on past history. I mean, there's, you're not to lie to each other.

I think if I lied to you, like, you would just know. Yeah. Because I think that my demeanor changed. Well, every once in while, you do try a lie to me. Not one time. No, twice. What? Okay, guys, one time.

Raina told me that she. one time she told me she accidentally called this guy and I was like what a lie and I was like no you didn't try to skate past because it wasn't an integral part of the story you can lie to him the part of the you didn't tell him you accidentally called him you can't tell me and I was like and then another time that time when you were texting with somebody and I was like who is it I knew it was your ex and you but you didn't someone else was in the room you didn't want to say it but I like that is why because I didn't want to do in this lie. That was, it really was a crazy,

it just flew out of my mouth. You're like, you're really just doing that. You really just flew out of your lie. Because I knew that you were going to ask and I didn't want to say it in front of this other person. It was really uncomfortable. Yeah, that was, yeah, those two times. Listen, half the type of friendships that you know

that somebody's lied to you twice because it's so poignant, it doesn't happen that often. I know it doesn't happen that often. We don't do that. And we wouldn't be friends if we did. So we're going to talk today about partying styles. This is really top of, for summer and anybody's relationship, anybody that's had a different party style than their partner,

whether it's drugs, alcohol, introverts versus extroverts, how hard somebody goes. I think you can relate. We have really funny stuff from you guys. We have some more serious advice. We have an email that we're going to answer. Yeah. And we did this topic when we first started the podcast, one of the first 10 episodes maybe. So we're kind of doing like a little bit of a reboot, new information, new stories, new, all the things. Yeah. And I say everything. I say in this episode, keeping in mind that at different ages you want different things, even when we did this episode four years ago,

I probably wanted different things to my partner. I don't think you should date somebody that you want to change. I think you should take what's in front of you. Just sort of like evaluate the landscape. And also, as we talk about this stuff, I of course understand that like alcoholism and drug abuse are a very serious thing. And if you think your partner has something like that,

then help them to get to therapy or encourage them or at least research that. So I don't want to sound flippant while we talk about this stuff. Of course, I take it really seriously. Yeah, this just isn't necessarily an episode about, well, this isn't an episode about alcoholism, addiction, things like that. Yeah. So keep that in mind.

Right. So I just want to say that ahead of time. You know, if you really feel that your partner is suffering from that, do some research and, you know, address that in a serious manner. But this is more like my partner gets really fucked up and maybe I don't. Yeah. Or you do. And they don't. Right.

Yeah. So yeah. Just to get that out of the way. So we thought we would start it light. and we had asked you guys in Instagram, what did we say? My partner got so fucked up. So we just said, finish the sentence.

This one time my partner was so fucked up, they dot, dot, dot, dot. Okay. And just finished the sentence. All right, I'm going to kick it off. Threw up on my hair while I was sleeping. Honestly, was shocked. We still got married after this.

That's true love. Threw up on a party bus inside of a cooler, peed on my bedroom floor and blamed the dog. Oh, my God. Stole a grill out of someone's tent and a football tailgate. That was so funny. They were hungry.

Didn't tell me he got chlamydia from a sex worker. He secretly fucked. Oh, yikes. Peed all over my best friend's suitcase. I knew a lot of this stuff was going to be pee. Oh, so much pee. Oceans of pee and throw up. Had a full on meltdown slash tantrum in the streets of L.A.

That is my literal. We'll talk about it's my nightmare. Like drunk fights? The tantrum. Oh my gosh. I remember one time my college girlfriend, we were all at like a wedding, I think. And I remember seeing her partner like pack his suitcase and like he was like going down the hall like he was going to leave. It was like two in the morning. We're like, where are you going?

I've done that stuff. I've like packed a bag and huffed off and you get outside and you're like, where am I going? Before the days of Uber, like you just like marched to the front door and then you were like, oh, I don't remember asleep. Okay. Okay. Punched a shop window and the whole thing shattered. Nope. I don't. People that are punching walls and stuff just fucking run. Anger, anger issues when they're drinking? I don't. I can't or get. get help. Ate me out while I had a bloody tampon string hanging out of my vaj. Oh, what a king. Well, if neither of you, if he doesn't remember it, what's a difference, you know? Lied about his dying mother, what, when he was fucked up? Like that he said his mother was dying

to like, because he was drunk, he forgot. Like, why does this have to do with, anyway? Maybe it's like a sympathy lag. Okay. Fell asleep while I was sitting on their face. Maybe he fainted. Believeable. Maybe you smothered him. Yeah. Crawled into bed naked next to my cousin. we've all been there. When my friend's boyfriend got in bed with me and like spoon me. I remember that. Have you ever gotten in bed with the wrong person? I don't think I have.

I pretended to. Well, I used to wake up and not know who was in my bed. Like I used to get so drunk and bring guys home and wake up and know there was a body next to me and be a little unclear on who it was. Let me, we'll finish this, but let me tell this story. Oh my God, that's one of my favorites. Okay.

Peed on my ugs. They were never the same. Nope. No. They have to go. I'm sorry. They're expensive and you're just going to have to throw them out. They will smell like urine forever. There's no washing that. Tried to jump out of a moving Uber. Is this my ex? I swear to God, my ex from six years ago is why my Uber rating was never the same. We would fight in Uber's. He got out of the Uber one time. We were downtown land. He got out of the jump out of the Uber. Drunk fights. We'll talk about them. This is embarrassing you.

I was trying to take his contacts out, but actually wasn't wearing any contacts. That is funny. I would sit there and watch you do that forever. Because you're like, touching your eyeball. I would laugh so hard to somebody doing that. I'd be like, keep going, babe, you're doing great. And then started making whale sounds at the neighbors. That is a funny animal sound to make. Like sonar? What do you mean whale sounds?

Like sonar, it's crazy. Had it sexed with a tampon in. Okay, but like... Girl. That's... That sounds like your fault. That's my story too. Yeah. Actually, this... Ashley just wrote this list. Yeah. Every other one, Ashley's like, that happened to me. Um, shit in the sink.

Shit in the sink. You got to go. You got to go. What was wrong with the toilet? He'd, like, climb up on the sink. Love that. He started crying about how we have to save the bees. That's really funny.

Did I write really emotional about stuff? Yeah, it is really funny that he's just like, he's sobbing. He's like, we have to save the bees. They're part of the food chain. And they're really important. Can you imagine you're just like laughing? You're like, I can't wait for you to wake up tomorrow morning. It sounds like funny.

Yeah, it does. Cry about saving the bees. Put on my sticky boobs. That's so funny. Pizza slap. me. I'm obsessed with the tortillas laughs. It makes me laugh so hard. I know. Maybe he holds his penis so he could pee. I would do that. That's funny. I would do that. That's really funny. Bit my clit hard. Swahdum you so fucked up. He told me he loved me. So funny. I've been there. That's so many times.

Do you many times I've told a person I love them like every time? Ask me to mama bird his semen into his mouth after giving him a blowjob. Oh my God. Somebody will do that sober. Yeah. cried because he loved me so much. That's cute. Left me mid-sex for mozzarella sticks. I would do that. That's a woman. That sounds like an emergency. That's a little woman would do. Uh-huh. I would do that. Got the Chipotle logo tattooed on his ass in hopes of getting it free for life. He did it. That is so funny. Strip down his boxers and hid my dog's crate. I'm obsessed with that.

Tried to sleep with my twin sister, fell asleep inside of me. We've all been there. Through a picture on the ground at a college bar, it's smashed into pieces to show me he loved me. and the last one proposed. He was so fucked up. He proposed. I think we've all been there too. A lot of people get fucked up and they're like,

I want to marry you, I want to get you pregnant. One of my good friends, she broke up with this guy and he was so drunk he didn't remember and she'd break up with him again the next day. Like, to wake up and he doesn't remember.

You broke up with him. You got to do it again. It's really brutal. I had sort of like a come to Jesus with a friend and I know she doesn't remember it. And then I was like, do I have to do this all over again. But of a significant other I will.

Okay, so let me tell you the story. So, in college there were these two baseball players. They were friends and like, I don't know. I just would flirt with both of them. One, we like had a flirty relationship. I don't think we ever hooked up. The other one we did hook up.

The other one, we did hook up one night. And like, I remember waking up next morning, still drunk and went to school and did the presentation. Like I was like, don't remember the presentation. Like, I did that a couple times where I was like, I'm, you're an animal. I don't remember what I don't know what I'm saying right now. And then I would just like get an A.

I would just throw on a jeans skirt and a sorority t-shirt and like go present. I can't relate. I just was like, I'm not fully here. I'm drunk. Anyway, so I just remember specifically one night waking up. I was like, well, we finally, we finally did it. He's still in my bed. I got to go to class. But his friend, this one morning, I woke up and I was, my back was to the wall. I was like facing like away, like facing towards the door, the bedroom, whatever. And I felt really sick. So I had on pajamas and I got out of my bed and I went to the bathroom and I felt really, really sick and I felt like I needed to like get naked, like get my clothes off of me. I felt hot. I felt sick. You know, you just feel like you're going to throw up. You lay in the bathroom floor and you

need to feel like the cold floor. So I get totally naked and I threw up and I'm walking back into my bedroom and I see, I see him. And we hadn't hooked up. He just stayed in my bed. So I didn't want him to see me naked. So I dropped to the floor. Like I was like on the floor, like army crawling. Army crawl. Like military style. I slinked to like the side of my bed and like got out in my drawers and like found other pair of pajamas and I'm down on the floor just like trying to pull this on so I can climb back into bed with him and he doesn't see me naked, which is like so funny because I was just so blacked out. It was the funniest thing I literally got out of bed to go throw up and didn't know someone was in my bed and then saw them and dropped to the floor

and then I slithered back up into the bed with like a new pair of pajamas on and he was like, are you good? Like he had seen the whole thing. He watched you do this? Like he was like, he was like, are you okay? He heard me throw up. Like he, he, woke up when I threw up. And then randomly this day, one of my best college girlfriends, Alex and I were going to drive to Fort Lauderdale. It was after exams. And like she was seen this guy and we were going to drive down to Fort Lauderdale and road trip it from Clemson. And she comes in and he's in the bed. And we're supposed to leave at like 10. And so she comes in and he's in the bed and she just like tapped my foot. And she's thinking like Ashley's not going

to Fort Lauderdale. There's a student or bed. Like she's a mess. Like we're not leaving. And she's like, are we still going to go? I was like, yeah, we're like, you're like, early in my house. And I like, woke him back up. I was like, you gotta go. It's time to go. Yeah. That is so funny.

And he was like, what's going on? I'm like, we're going to Florida. Bye. There is no worse feeling than waking up and not knowing who's next to you. We've all gone through it. I've done it so, so many times. Like, it's really scary. And luckily he was like this nice guy.

Like, we've stayed friends. I mean, oh my God. It's just, it's nice to remember your roots. You know, like, you talk about like how you don't drink that much anymore. You're not a drunk slut. But. It's nice to remember you were one day. The drunken slut.

I mean, I, like, fuck this dude all weekend with a tampon in, and I forgot it was in there. And that's when I, like, had to go to the well, in the center. I thought I had a STD. You guys. Smelling up the apartment. She's mentioned, she's managed to mention this to me twice this week. And usually I only get it once a quarter. This is our quarterly story, she tells me.

So, I mean, I like that you say, like my roots. I mean, I just don't drink that much. I haven't been drunk in so many months at this point. I've really have no interest. But, yeah, it used to be, like, all. I used to do. Like, I think so many guys didn't want to date. I think I was the drunk one that they were like, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want that. But I think it's good to remember that, like, people do grow up and change. Like, acting like this in college is me, you're going to act like this forever. Like, I was talking to Jared about this yesterday. Like, if you break up with somebody, can you get back together, you're like, you get back together. People just grow up. That's so true. Like, I, if these guys that just used to think I was a drunk slut could see me now. Like, it's just, I'm like a mature adult. Of course, I remember, I was thinking about this this morning, prepping for the episode. So when I was in college, I got a drinking ticket, tailgating for this football game, whatever. I had to go to some kind of like drinking class.

And the therapist was like, how much do you drink per week and per session? And I completely lied. And I said five nights a week, which of course it was seven. I went to a big 10 college. I got drink every second of every day. I said five nights a week and I said two drinks per setting. Really, it was seven days a week and like four to five per sitting. Oh, yeah.

When I said five drinks, maybe five nights. maybe two drinks each. She said I drank more than 80% of the female population. It's not true. And it scared the shit out of me. I was like, what do you? No, I don't. Right. I think I was more truthful than your average person. Right. And I remember thinking like, do I have a problem? Am I a fucked up person? And like, listen, I can't answer that for other people. But like, for me, like the four years of my big 10 college ended and then I stopped behaving like that. And I drank maybe four nights a week instead of seven. Yeah. I mean, Those things, I mean, for me, I mean, we've known. I've gotten in trouble with alcohol so many times in my life. And so, I mean, I've had to fill those things out. And you're always lie. Like, it's insane to think of the binge drinking I used to do. I mean, like, we would rip 10 shots. And that's not an exaggeration. I mean, like, so many nights were like truly, if you were to count the drinks, it's like 15. You know, it's like so bad for you, but I can't sit here and judge. And I didn't.

and not in college by any stretch. I did that well into my 20s. I mean, not at the frequency, but like still very much a hardcore partier liked being drunk. Maybe not quite as frequent after college, but equally as fucked up for me. Like this 100% per sitting,

always fucked up. Never remembered the end of the night ever for years. Yeah, yeah. So I got this DM that I thought I would just read. Like I've been getting a lot of people sending me like I need advice kind of things. So this one was just like kind of relevant. And I wanted to see what you thought.

So she said, hi, Ashley, I want your insight. I've been in a long-term relationship for three years. We don't live together. We're 25 and we have a healthy relationship. The problem is my boyfriend is still in his college days drinking phase and never passes up a good time and he's just a super friendly human. He doesn't realize when he's being too flirtatious or when to take a step back to stop drinking and focus in on the relationship.

Anyway, he's on a trip in Cabo without me this week. I had to work and couldn't get the time off. He told me it would be his family friend who's a girl, some of her friends. some guys I don't know. Turns out it's six girls, four of them I don't know and three guys counting him. I know I don't have to be worried about him, but I still think the situation is weird and a weird look for me. Imagine if I went to Cabo with six guys and two of the girls, would it be just as okay? I think he'd be very insecure and feel left out if the script was flipped. I'd like your opinion. Thanks. So I took a lot of notes for this episode today, just thinking about

what my boundaries are and what I expected different ages and everybody has different boundaries. So you decide what's okay with you. Some people would be like, apps of fucking looting. not my man is not going on that trip. Other people I'd say if you're a little bit healthier and you do trust your partner, I wouldn't mind the trip because I do think it's healthy for people to have separate hobbies and interests and separate friends. We talk all the time about how your parents are like that and that's great. And also being 25, of course, you want to be social and party and go out the lie would bother me. Why did you create a situation where you're lying to me and I've found out now and now I don't trust you. She said he was like vague about who he was

going with. He told me to be a family friend who's a girl and some of of her, some of her friends. I don't think she thinks he lied. I don't think that was the concern. I think that he was like, yeah, it's this family friend who's a girl and her friends. Like, she didn't, I think it was like he wasn't lying. Regardless, I don't think that's the issue. I think it's just like the optics aren't good and she doesn't like it. I think he seems like that carefree, fun loving guy. I mean, it's, do you trust him or not? I mean, we can talk about kind of the drinking thing she mentioned up top. But like, I, I mean, I can't use Rob as an example enough. Like, Rob is my best friend, my best guy friend. We hang out solo all the time. We're drinking,

we're partying, we're having fun. It's always been like that. He has a lot of female friends. And he is a guy that his phone is out. We know his passcode. Like, he's just a guy that has nothing to hide. And not every woman would be okay with it, but luckily his wife is and we love her. And like, I just use him as an example of, like, you can be that kind of guy that really is like so trustworthy, but all the signs are there. Like he's never hiding his phone. He is so trustworthy. And like I use him as an example, not every guy's like that.

So I think you know, like if this guy's super open and he's like, yeah, we're going on this trip. It's going to be a bunch of girls. Like my thing is that I like what she said at the end is how would he feel if I did this? And that's the question to ask him. And I think that's a really non-confrontational,

really calm, flip it on them and ask them how they feel way to open up a conversation. If I was doing this, whether it's any type of party. If I came home fucked up, you didn't know where I was all night long. I rolled in the door at five in the morning. How would you feel about it? To me, so many of these, like, can I date somebody

that parties in a different way than me? Questions boil down to, like, trust and jealousy. And, like, do I trust you to be out in the world without me? Like, I refuse to live in a world where, like, I am feeling like I need to call my partner all the time. I need to text them every 10 minutes. I need to text right away. I need to know what you're doing.

Like, all my most serious relationships, the person I was engaged to, my last boyfriend, my boyfriend in D.C., I, they could all have told me they were, like, going out with a girl all night long. I wouldn't have blinked. It just wouldn't have bothered me and I wouldn't have been with them if that was the case. And I think that all the jealousy in the world isn't going to stop somebody from cheating on you. You just have to be with a person that you feel secure 100%. And I mean, the drinking thing, first of all, ask yourself, like, do you really want to kind of be in a more serious place in your life?

I mean, 25 is so fucking young. Like, I was still partying so hard. That's, I wasn't thinking about like, yeah, I wanted like a boyfriend. But I, we were, if I was dating somebody, we were going out, we were partying a lot together. I was very still much in that phase. So if she's like, I genuinely don't want to party like this anymore. I want to have a like more stable, solid life. Like can she deal with him still partying?

Can they have a communication about it? Or is it time to maybe call it? Which I mean, it's maybe not. But people can be in such different places for so long. Like guys will do this party phase, like living with their friends, like frat boy phase until they're in their 30s. Of course. Plus.

Yeah. So it just. you got have to figure that out like you can't yank someone out of that if they're not ready they have to really want to do it and you have to decide if you can do it like I mean again if it's a thing of like you trust your partner he's still showing up for you he's not blacking out for getting conversations like he's still a good partner to you he just chooses to party more like could you do other stuff while they're out partying like is it that big of a deal but I did I remember dating a guy like after college and I just couldn't get him away from his friends like they were such the priority like

a lone time with me or a date or quality time, intimacy is not his priority at all. It's doing stuff with his guy friends. And we reconnected years later and he was in a totally different place. He wanted me back. We tried it. And he kind of confessed his love. And I was like, this is not the person for me. But those years after college, like, forget it. All I wanted to do was like be boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend with him and he was not having it. Yeah. I think that that's a normal age to be like running around. Guys do it well into their 30s. Yeah. I guess you just have to decide if your lives are too different. Yeah. And I think that's, you think, in these type of situations, your mind, your own mind and your thoughts can be a very dangerous

place and they spiral out of control. And you can't assume that just because your significant other is in a scenario where they might be dancing with people or traveling or drinking that they're going to do these things, you can't let your mind tell you that just because the last person cheated that this will, just because you don't hear back in 15 minutes that something is going on and spiral out of control. Just because your own anxieties are telling you this might be happening doesn't make it true. And your mind can be a really dangerous place where you spiral out of control. But if you're like, yeah, all the evidence points to the fact that this is true. Every time he goes out, there's some bullshit.

And every time I look in their phone, I fucking see something. And it's always some half story about what's going on. Then no, you aren't ridiculous and you're not being crazy and you probably are right. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's tough if you're in a scenario where your partner has fucked up when they were drunk and did do something cheating or otherwise.

And then like from then on, all that you think they're going to do that every time they get drunk because they don't know what they're doing. They're like blacking out. I mean, we joke about how I was just so drunk and such a drunk slot all the time. Like even back then though, like, it never affected my work. I really like kept it together. I was a responsible person, whether you choose, believe it or not, I was. I mean, I got in trouble here and there, but like I always showed up to work. Like I was someone people could rely on. I have kept my friends throughout the years. Like, but people like that, even I couldn't really date. Like when I was, it felt like you are a person that your partying is getting the way of like being

a responsible person in the world and you can't show up and I can't rely on you. Like, I didn't want that either. And like today, I don't want a person that gets like softy drunk on the right. I couldn't deal with it. Like it happens sometimes. If someone is regularly drunk, I am disinterested. I don't care how if everything is perfect is aligned. Like if we're going out and you're getting like glassy eyed and you're slurring and you're stumbling around, it's just unattractive to me. And I didn't used to notice it as much when I was the same way. So, like, I've had plenty of relationships where we were just like partying, drinking, run around, probably looked like two fucking messes to other people.

But it didn't bother me because we were on the same page. But today, I wouldn't do it. And it's not for me. I think we all just want a running mate, you know, and somebody who's on the same level as us. And somebody who gets, like fucked up like that, I don't think every time it's like such a big deal, I don't want to be around it. But like, is it a hobby or a habit?

Is this a lifestyle? Yeah. Every time they go out there just so fucked up. Listen, if I'm dating somebody in their, like, I'm going to go out my friends and act fucking stupid and get all drunk. Great. I don't have to be there. I don't want to see you like this. I hate to see you like this. Yeah. Yeah. Once a month, you want to get all stumbling around. You come home. I got you just like lazily lay on top of me and I lay there while you have sex and you're so hammered. Fine. It's funny. It's cute. Like if you are embarrassing me or not handling your life, completely different scenario. No. I don't have friends like that anymore at this age. And, you know, coming from a place of where it's just an unattractive quality.

if consistently you're getting so drunk, you can't handle yourself. I just think the older we get, your partner is a representative of you. And when they're out in the world, they are still representing you. And if you are embarrassing me, we can't be together.

Like, it's one thing again, if you want to go fuck off for the day with your body. But like, are we at a wedding and you're taking it too far? Like, I was at a wedding and I saw a friend of mine with her boyfriend and I would say he has a bit of a,

he indulges a little much. And he was so hammered, stumbling around. It was really crazy to watch. And I don't really know what it goes on behind closed doors. It's not on my business. But he was so drunk and picking fights with her. And I mean stumbling around drunk at like four o'clock at the point where like no one was drunk like this. And it was a spectacle. It was embarrassing to her. They were causing fights. He ruined the night for her. Like I'm not dealing with this. I would, you would do that to me one time and I would make it clear this is never happening ever fucking again. I know. I know. And it's like, let's say that,

There was a world in which that's such a one-off. This person was dealing with some trauma and they just drank their way through it. But it's probably not. It's probably how they are. And I'm not dealing with it. I mean, I used to be in a relationship where we did a lot more of this, where we got drunk and we fought. And it was like, you don't think people are looking, but they are.

People are paying attention. People love some drama. They can tell. You think you're being discreet. You're not. People are like, that's a fucked up couple. Look at them. You know, it's just kind of like, it made me reflect on how I, you know, used to be in just a more

volatile relationship like that. there was a lot of alcohol involved. And so that's another thing, too, of just like, are you and your partner getting drunk and fighting all the time? Like, there's definitely two types of couples. There's couples that get drunk together and they're so fun and they're funny and they're dancing and they're acting crazy. Blake and Figgins, I'm thinking about them.

They're like, I want nothing more than to see them drunk together. Like, I think they love each other more. Like, they party together really well. Then there's couples that like, they're drinking together, me and my ex,

for example, and everyone's on edge because, you know, a fight's going to break out and it's going to end really poorly. And with this particular ex, it was a huge part of why we broke up. And there wasn't a world in which he was going to stop drinking. And I don't really even know if I was asking that of him. I think that I knew the relationship was over. I knew I was moving. So it wasn't like me or the alcohol. But it was like if you even want to continue seeing me before I leave, there can't be alcohol. Like this is every time. This is really affecting our relationship. And it was sad. It is sad. I mean, when alcohol starts to bring out the toxicity in somebody. And again, actually, we're not therapists. We can't really speak to, you know, when to get help or who to get help from. But I'm, if they're insulting you, if they are fighting with you, if they're...

You know, all the things. All the things that used to happen with you and him. I mean, it's not like, I'm not going to classify it in anything. But it was affecting your mental health. And that's not good. And you could boil it down to the drinking. And sometimes you just have to call it. Sometimes you have to choose you over that person.

If it's really too toxic for you to be around. Yeah, because it was definitely like, I just wanted to like be drinking and having fun. But like he would always come at me. And then now I'm activated. I hate to use that word, but sometimes it is the word, I'm triggered. And so then I'm mad and I'm drunk. And so now we both became this couple together, but I didn't, you started this. And now you're bringing out the worst in me, you know?

It's just, I probably wouldn't even be this reactive if I wasn't drunk, but you, you did this. And now look at us. It's embarrassing. But he was also really mean. He would get really mean. If the alcohol or the drugs are a catalyst for fighting, if it's a catalyst for my partner to not live up to their responsibilities, whether it's a partner to me or a at work or just in general.

Like, I don't want it. It's not for me. That's just, that's my boundary. That's the boundary of drawing. Like, I think it's hard to tell people that. And I would probably spend months with a person being like, please stop this, please stop this, please stop this before I called it. It's not like I'm so intolerant that like you do it once and I walk away.

It's just, I read the story and I realize when I'm outmatched and I want you to either get help or we can't be together. If you're just like, it's not a problem. I just like to party a lot. That's okay. You're an adult. You can tell me that, but I don't have to be around it. Yeah, you got to ask yourself, what don't you like? Because I personally felt like there came a point

where I, A, couldn't rely on this person to not pick fights with me. But B, sometimes like not show up or be too hung over for something or, you know, whatever, like not make the flight or whatever it was. So ask yourself why you don't like their partying. Are they still reliable? Are they still consistent? They just like to drink and party a little bit more? I don't know. Like, can you deal with it? And if not, I mean, that's just a communication thing. Like, I think that you and I are this like perfect example. I mean, maybe mine's even more extreme of like someone that just used to really go so hard and just doesn't drink a lot now. Drinks in moderation doesn't really get drunk. And so people just change and then they grow up.

And I hate to say like you might break up over this, but people do. And sometimes it comes down to like an ultimatum for lack of a better word of like someone being like, I can't really do this anymore like this. And the person curtails their habits. And sometimes they don't. I think it's hard to tell this girl's 25 in that email. I think it's hard to tell somebody 25. I don't think you should party anymore because they're like, based on what? Based on people my age.

Right, right. So what's going on around me? And then I think it's easy to get a thrown back in your face. Like, based on me clearly going to work and leaving up to all my responsibilities, you're going to tell me not to do this. Yeah. But like, like, you can also just say, like, I don't like this. Like, my ex from D.C., and he's not like this now, but when we were together,

he would work so hard Monday through Friday. Like, nobody worked harder, longer hours, like 12, 13 hours of the office in a, suit, no breaks. He would get so fucked up Friday night through Sunday. It was just not fun for me. I was just like, you have no moderation here. Yep, so extreme. It's all or nothing. And I don't like seeing you like this. This is like slap. We're not having sex the way I want to. Like it, outside of it's just embarrassing me, it's just not fun. I don't like to see you that much. And like this is what I have to be around. You're slurring your fucking words. You're like being an idiot. It's not like I wasn't drunk too. I'm saying I was buzzed and he was blubbed. And he was

blacked out to the max. Right. And then during the week, he's too busy to see you. Like, you're like, this sucks. One thing she said that, why do we should keep going back to this girl's DM? I'm going to write her back. She says he doesn't know when to take a step back to stop drinking and focus on the relationship. I mean, this is something that you just say in the kindest way. Like, I love our relationship. I feel secure in it. This is a little bit more of what I need. And sometimes that is setting that date night a week where you do or you don't drink or you moderate or whatever, where you're like, it sounds like she needs to, she wants him to be a little more involved in leading to their relationship a little bit more.

They mean, together for years. I mean, also they're young. But if we're talking broader, so much of this is setting aside your day night for the week. I think it's so helpful. I mean, like, the one stint I had in couples therapy, like, that was the main thing that we had done before, but they told us to bring back in our relationship was like, you've got to keep your date night. So you know you have that time that set aside for the two of you and they're not going to be out partying and you can focus in on your relationship, in her words. And I mean, If they're not willing to give that to you, what are we doing here? Yeah, compromise is huge.

If somebody's like, I'm not doing that. Well, we can't be together. We have to just call it. I think you need to set time aside to just be together and not party. And I'm also saying this. Some people are like, well, I like to party. My partner doesn't like to go out at all. And my partner is such an introvert.

And that sucks too. And I think you can also reflect little and say, like, could I gain something from being with somebody that's such an extrovert? Like, can I learn how to be a little more outgoing party? Enjoy this. Maybe I'll meet new friends. Maybe I'll also hate it, not like it. But I think the people that are a little more extroverted and with a part of it's more introverted

can learn from each other. Like, something that's extroverted got to be out every night. Like, you can learn from an introvert how to sort of just exist in your own space a little bit and enjoy that. Yeah. Or maybe you don't want to do that at all. That's fucking lame to you and you don't date that person. I know.

Like that's the, that's always what it comes down to if it's like you're so vastly different. Even if it's somebody that is like trustworthy and has their shit together, but they just want to be out so much more. Like they just want to be social so much more. And you don't. vice versa. It's like, well, let's make a list of what you like about this person. Like, this just might not be your match. Or you both learn to make it work kind of living separate lives,

which can also work too. Yeah. We just can't say it enough. You should be like missing your partner, not doing everything together. I think that extrovert introvert combo can work well. There's to be trust. I think so too. I think that there's like value in saying like, I'm going to go out my friends and how nice is that to like your partner trusts you to do that? You know, I've only had a couple scenarios in my life where somebody was like so, different than me. There's like some things I'm willing to tolerate something's not. I dated somebody a little bit who like went pretty hard on the drugs and not a big drinker, but like he would like do MDMA on a Sunday or he would like take Molly and just like or take mushrooms all day long. And it's, it's not for me. Like I've just, I've never been really big into drugs except for I've smoked a lot of weed in my life. I've done a lot of Coke. I mean, I'll be totally honest and open. I always have been. Like I've done those drugs a lot. But I'm not going to dedicate a whole day to like hallucinogenic drugs. It's just not me. It scares me to be honest. I don't. I don't. like it. I'm not going to be around it. Probably if your lifestyle is that you do this once a week,

I don't know that we're a match. If you're like, I don't drink all week long, like, they want to drink with me all week long. And then they're like, they're let loose time is to take like hallucinogenic drugs. That's, that's just not a person. Yeah, sure. I mean, I think the, the drugs, I mean, I just don't do drugs now and I probably will like never do them again. I mean, I'll maybe smoke a little weed here and there. It just doesn't really. But I'm just kind of, I don't know. I heard like one person dying from coke that had fentanyl in it. I'm like, I'm never doing coke again. Not that I was doing it a lot.

I've done it like a couple times. But like to me it's not worth it. And that's kind of where I fall of like just the even slightest chance that you could literally die. I don't need it. I'm not, you know, that's not what I want to do. But I did have one friend that was like so judgey about drugs. Like wouldn't date a guy that smoked weed. I'm like, bitch, come on.

You know? And it's awesome. My point with her was you drink alcohol most nights. You know, like this guy, the guy that in question at the time, she hated that he smoked weed. I'm like, is he waking up and like firing up his bong? You know, like, no, he's just kind of like having a little bit the same way you have two glasses of wine. It's not different to me. And I'm a big proponent of marijuana in general, legalizing it and getting people out of jail that have been in jail for it. Like I'm pro-weed.

And I don't think many people are anti these days, but like that was a little hypocritical on her part. I don't know what she thought was so different than using a substance to kind of like relax a little bit. And I think that Coke, I mean, we have a friend that he since has broken up with his girlfriend, but she just got so hard on the Coke. And he was like, she's just doing it when her and her friends are like watching The Bachelor. And he was like, it's not, it's really weirdly unattractive to me. and she doesn't seem like a responsible person. He was like recreational drugs is fine,

but storing lines off the coffee table at 8 p.m. on Monday with your friends is like a little different. Again, that's a lifestyle to me. Yeah, maybe you guys don't like match up. And I'm not judging that either. Like I was in college. I was maybe 19 or 20. I was doing coke a lot.

And I dated somebody who like really did not believe in drug use and was like, and I was like lying to him about it. And like I didn't. Yeah. I mean, listen, it was my hobby. That was my hobby. And I would like do it in the car. before I'd like meet up with him.

We all have a past, you know. I'm not going to run for president at any time. Maybe I should. I don't know. But I'll be the first person that admitted to doing Coke outwardly that ran for president. And I would like lie to him about it. And like that's bad too.

Like we don't want to be with somebody that we've to lie to? Like don't we all just want like a running mate that's doing the same thing? Like the doing MDMA or mushrooms whatever on the weekends too. Like I don't care. I'm not judging it, but I'm not going to do it with you.

So like if our only social recreational time together is you being on drugs. I'm not your girl. For sure. And I mean, I don't want somebody that is, I really want to tiptoe around the word addiction here. Because again, it's like a different conversation, but that is so committed or addicted, truly, to anything. Doesn't matter what. Fucking watch a sport. Exercise. Like, being so strict with something in their lifestyle. Like, I don't really want it at all. So it's kind of like if you, if I feel like you are reliant on a substance of any kind, I just don't think it's for me. And potentially you need help. Yeah. We say it all the time. I don't want to, I want anybody

that needs to do anything all the time. And by the way, that's sobriety too, because I'm somebody that drinks. And I dated somebody for a year that was sober. And I've said this all the time. I'm impressed by him. And it's incredible that he was able to do that. It's not my dream to date a sober person. you know, if I had to pick one, if I had to pick somebody who's fucked up all the time or sober, I'll pick sober because I think that's healthier for you. And that's his journey and he was still fun. Also, he would like,

you know, when you think about, can we date somebody who's so different than us, he still came out with us. He didn't care if we drank. It was fun to have a D.D. He wasn't judgmental about it. I will say when I was like hung over in the morning and I wanted to sit on my floor and eat toast and a bagel, he was a little judging about it. He was when the car blowed. I know, and he was just like

this piece of shit. But he actually wasn't judgmental about it. He was perfectly fine if I wanted to have a couple drinks. He didn't make it weird. So yes, I could date somebody that's like that if all of those things fall into place. That's a lot of things to have fallen to place. He was in therapy.

He had been sober for five years. He was healthy in his sobriety. Otherwise, I don't know. It's, again, I would consider it. I would never say never. It's just not my dream. Yeah. What I did in one sober guy,

well, we met at DIY school. And he had been like, it was court-appointed sobriety. He had been a lot going on. He used to do a ton of drugs. He had gotten multiple DUIs more than me, if you can imagine. And he had had some mental health issues. And he was totally sober.

He was off of everything. Like, no, no drugs, no alcohol. He didn't have a license. So I didn't obviously drink around him. I actually really enjoyed our time together. We would just spend like so many hours on hours and we would talk. and we would just like hang out at the pool and I would drive us around

and we would like dinner. But I mean, I'm not proud of this. This is why I was like in my like mid-20s maybe. Then my ex kind of came back around from college and the first thing he did was asked me to go to this wedding, whatever. And so I kind of knew it was going to be over with this other guy and I just got like blackout drunk and like went over there.

Like in the middle, like left the bar, drunk, knocked on his door, tried to climb into his bed. Just ready to burn to the ground. Really? Yeah, like I feel like you guys can relate. Like sometimes you know you're going to burn something to the ground in the most immature, sloppy way possible.

Yeah, I did in my last relationship. Our last weekend together, I mean, I'm not proud of it. I usually did not get like rip-roar and hammered drunk around him. Like you said, it was nice to like spend some sober time with the person. And like I was hungover less, all the things. I got the last weekend together I got so fucked up. I met friends at this, like, we were in Newport at this place. I was so drunk, screaming, acting like a crazy person.

I, like, screaming a positive way. I was just a bunch of girls I met. I was just being drunk. And I was like, I would not behave like this around him if I thought we were going to stay together. So sometimes you just burn it to the ground, you know? Sometimes you got to do that. You know, it's funny.

Let me follow up. Years later, I see this guy at a bar, at the bar. At the bar, at the bar, I'm like, oh, he's drinking again, which is not, I hope he's okay, of course. you know, like clearly alcohol and drugs were not a good thing for him, but he was like back, wait, off the wagon, on the wagon. He fell off the wagon. He fell off the wagon. And he was like, can I get you a shot? And I was like, okay, this is crazy. So we like took a shot and then we ended up getting

kind of drunk. I'm like, this is crazy, but like whatever. This is like a funny story now. And we ended up at this like diner in the middle of the night and he said something really offensive to me. And I got up left and like left him with the bill and never spoke to him again. Oh my God. Yeah, it was crazy. I was like, you definitely shouldn't drink. You're going to be saying stuff like that. You headed the date. You were like, I knew you shouldn't be drinking. You stormed off.

Fuck you forever. That's so funny. Yeah, he says it's offensive. It was not good. And I was like, bye. I like had the urge to flip the table. Like I had the urge to be like Teresa Giudice, but I like didn't. I just kind of like got up.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, anybody that has anger issues that are incited by drinking, I mean, they should get help. They should. That's not an easy thing to be around. Yeah. I'm mean drunk. I'm not like that. I'm such a happy drunk. Do you have any stories of like

somebody getting really drunk with you? I feel like for the most part I've been really lucky that like most of my relationships have been like a pretty solid running mate. I mean, yeah. Yeah, my ex used to get really fucked up. But like it didn't scare me in any way. My boyfriend after college for a year had some, I mean, he did have some addiction issues. Gambling, sex, drugs, alcohol. I mean, it was every extreme in the world. We had really toxic, volatile fights. It got a little physical and the relationship ended, but it was really volatile. And the only advice I have for that is you just, you can't be in those situations that are dangerous for you mentally or physically. A funny situation? I don't know. I don't know that somebody

like that would like last to be long term now. So I don't have like a ton of those. Yeah. I like really do like to gauge people if they're on the same page with me with that. Like I remember this is a guy that like I just slept with earlier this year, but I was like asking him questions about his life and everything. And I'm like, do you drink and party a lot? Like, kind of you brace yourself for the answer. Like, is it going to be like, oh, yeah, me and my boys every weekend. And then it would have been like such a turnoff. And instead it was like, yeah, I mean, casually, like moderately. I'm like, oh, say more. You know, like, it was like. The word moderate.

Yeah. He was like, and I'm a moderate. I'm like, what? Wait, what? No, hold on. Back up. He's like balanced. And you're like, oh. I've had some first slash second dates where people get. They drink too much. They get a little aggressive and I don't ever go out with the person again. That guy in Chicago years ago with like six drinks on a Tuesday and, like, got really emotional and all fucked up. Never went out with him again.

That guy I went out with in the fall a couple years ago who got, it was our second date. He was really fun. And then he started to get really aggressive with me at a bar because I had like looked at another guy. And I started to feel like a little, like he was physically in my space a lot. It's like a little threatening. So I got up and left. Never talked to that guy again. No.

Well, I'd send him a, I tried to send him, we can't be together text. and then absolutely. Oh, I edit it. Yeah. I was just like, I see the word sorry, which I don't love. But I think it's just, you know, my advice is like if you see that early on, don't continue down the road. Like, that's the easiest thing for me to be like, this is a huge red flag and walk away. This is not like a maybe it'll change. For sure. Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's really early on. It's easy for me to walk away. I just used to, like, I went into this date. This is my favorite date stories. This was this in college. This guy asked me on a date, which I'm like a date, like a dinner date? in college, right? So I was like, what? So I had my friend, we had a late afternoon, early evening class,

and I was like, you want to come over after class and pregame for this date with me? She was like, yeah. So we, like, drank, like, a bottle of wine each. Like, we got hammered drunk. And she was like, Ashley, I can't believe this guy's about to pick you up. And by that, all my roommates were over.

And they said I stumbled out. And to this date, like, I already couldn't really walk straight. And they were like, This is going to be lit when she comes home. So he brings me to wing night. This place called Explorers in Clemson. They had like cheap wings and pitchers of beer. I think I've told just before.

But we had a pitcher beer. We filled our pine glasses. And then he said cheers. Like cheers to our date. And I chugged. Chugged it. Can you imagine what was going on? Finished it.

And then just slobally ate wings. Just licking my fingers like whatever. And he was still into it. So we come. The line does not exist for men. So we came back. to my place to get a DVD. The kids are not understanding this right now.

So we had a DVD we wanted to watch. So we came back to my place and we come back and everyone's still up. My roommates, probably boyfriends were over and everybody's awaiting my return. Yeah. Walked in. His name was Chris. Of course it was. The guy that I really liked that had a crush on back then was named Tyler.

Called him Tyler. To witness this trash. It's dumpster. fire. So we get the DVD and the DVD was a DVD that Tyler had let me borrow because he wanted me to watch this movie. And so I thought we were all connected. I'm like, oh my God, he wants me to watch this movie. So I had Tyler's DVD that I bring to this dude. And then we go back to this dude Chris's house and we have like, I don't even know. The sloppiest hook up. It just, I don't remember any of it. Like, oh my gosh. And then I left in the morning or whatever and I left my full

purse there and Tyler's DVD. And so I was just like, I'm so embarrassed. I don't want to face him. I was so blacked out last night. My friends were like, you called on the wrong name. I was like, what? They were like, you were stumbling to the date. I was like, oh my God, and the wings and the beer. It like all starts coming back to me. I'm like, I can never want to see him again. And Alex, God bless her, she went over to his house to get my stuff. Like after class, she just knocked on his door. I mean, it was, Clebson was such a like, no one locked their doors. Yeah, we knew where we lived. She just showed up. She, we knew he lived in this place called Foy Creek. She just like, knock on the door. She's like, hey, I'm here to get Ashley's stuff. And he, she, like,

she's going back and forth with this fucking guy. He wouldn't give her the DVD. days later we broke into his house and got the DVD. How'd you break in? I think the door was open. We just, I knew he was like, I knew he was a class and I was like, we're getting that fucking DVD.

I broke and entered. And then I stole another DVD just because. That's the rental fee. It's the late family of the original DVD. That is so funny. So yeah, I used to be that girl. But, you know, whatever.

I turned out okay. Yeah. So if somebody is a fucked up mess, they can grow up. I think there's like a million outcomes to all of this. It's like, I think there's a million ways to like compromise and decide that your significant other can have other friends and a life outside of you and that's fine.

Yeah. I think people grow up. Like I think there's a million solutions to this. You also might just be like, I don't know, I'm just not trying to be with somebody does coke all day every day. And that's fine too. Like I don't judge whatever decision somebody makes in this case. Like I just want a running mate that wants to do exactly what I want to do.

Like I want to drink at night at home. And I want somebody to not walk in the door and be like, you're even going to drink at home by yourself. Like I want somebody to be like, what are we drinking? I want a guy that makes great cocktails. Like I want Jay. Like Kate's husband, oh my gosh, a treat.

If Jay's in cocktail mode, you are in for a pomegranate margarita maybe. Like you're in for some like amazing cocktail. It's nice. I like my lifestyle a matchup. It was interesting. We went to Greece with this couple and they were drinking just all day. At the day club they were drinking at night.

they want to stay out late, get drunk, have a good time. And they both, like, individually were telling me, like, at home, they don't drink at home, they don't go out a lot. Like, they're very similar. Like, I think that's a good match in terms of the party style. Like, wants to be fucked up on vacation. Let loose go crazy. But both of them in their city where they live, we're all set.

We don't open a bottle at home. Like, very similar. That is so true. Like, find that match. Okay, guys, well, hope you enjoyed. And you can find everything you need at girls got to eatpodcast.com or viable. Vibesonly.com. You can follow.

This is going to be whack. You know what I think you should do is you should separate the two and start with vibes only. And just start with vibes only. Excuse me. So you can shop our product line at Vives Only. You can download the Vives Only app. So get that. We will have the Rana back in stock soon.

You can grab that blow gel on that lubricant now. You can get your Ashley. The Ashley's incredible. You guys are having orgasms through the roof with the Ashley. So we love to see it. And of course, down the app. And then you can go to Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. Follow Girls Got Eat Podcast at Instagram.

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Have a good week, guys. Bye.