Girls Gotta Eat - Should You Get Back With Your Ex?

Episode Date: July 13, 2020

Chances are you probably shouldn't get back with your ex, but just in case you're one of the few where a romantic reunion is due, we're talking through it -- a checklist to determine if you actually want to be back together, assessing whether and why it would work this time around, how to enter into the new chapter, if we've done it/would do it, and more. We also have special guests Grace Atwood and Becca Freeman of Bad on Paper podcast join us to give their summer reading recommendations. We hope you enjoy! Follow @GraceAtwood and @BeccaMFreeman on Instagram and check out Bad on Paper podcast. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Klarna: Download the Klarna app today to shop thousands of online stores and pay in four easy, interest-free payments. Buffy: For $20 off all Buffy bedding, visit buffy.co and enter code GGE. Helix: Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders for our listeners at HelixSleep.com/gge. HelloFresh: Get a total of $80 off + free shipping on your first box at hellofresh.com/80gge and code 80GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get back with your terrible ex. Get back into that toxic relation, girl. Get your pussy wet. Put yourself through that again. We don't care that he gave you an STD. Walk back into that storm, bitch. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back.

As we record, July 7th, it is Lee Heseltine's 69th. Did you even know? I didn't know this. I've been waiting all day to tell you. What? Someone even tagged me in a story, which that's a true fan. Happy 69. Lehast. I don't know when we said that, when she wrote it down. I didn't text him today. Do you think he's okay? He's going to be fine. Okay. But today as we record is the birthday. Yeah. So we were recording on July 7th. It is my dad's big six nine. And I can't like joke with him about it because that's like weird. Does he think it's funny? I would never. I mean, I'm not really like I think I said in passing, but I wasn't going to call him and be like, happy 69th. Ha ha ha ha ha. Blow jobs and eating pussy. He doesn't roll like my dad. I hope he's having an okay day. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's.

good, yeah. We're going to let you guys know what the weather is. After this? Right. Okay. Wow. Well, happy-related birthday to Lee Hustleton, my current father. Happy 69. Okay. I'm going to let you do the weather, but I want to give a sun update. Oh, I got here at 130. Okay. Sun was bright in the sky, high in the sky. It is now 7.30. We just started recording. Yeah. Back to our old ways. What did we do for the last six hours? I don't know. I don't want to about it. No, we actually had some of our friends over to record, and they are going to be at the end of this episode. So you probably already read the episode description, but Grace and Becca from Bad on Paper Podcasts are going to give you guys some summer reading recommendations. And that'll be later. So they came

over. They met Dewey for the first time. We didn't even address Dewey's haircut last week. Remember, you said that you thought he was fat. You're not supposed to see that in your shot of him. Where is he? I haven't seen him in hours. I'm not here anymore. But yes, he got his summer cut, and it's like, what a treat for an animal to get a haircut and look 10 pounds thinner immediately. Okay, he knows how good he looks because he's been up my butt all day, like in my physical butt, just like sniffing around. Oh, my God, because you probably even cleaned your butt. I haven't showered today.

I haven't showered tomorrow. I showered yesterday. Okay, when you guys tweeted that you're, hold on, I got to read the tweet because you guys are really so funny. and we love you so much. A listener named Becca tweeted, lately I felt like there has been something missing in my life, and then I realized, at Girls Gotta Eat,

hasn't given us a weather update in weeks. And listen, we're sorry. Again, we said it before you can't horse accountable for the stuff we start to do because we'll never be able to keep up with all the things. Every time we promise to do something weekly.

Listen, you might not get a person the week this week. We don't know. We're going to do it when we feel inspired. We don't know. Okay, listen, to be honest, that's what we've been doing for the last three hours. Trying to find the right person.

I wanted to nominate Ashley, but I feel like that's not. You went to a lot of protests recently, and I'm proud of you. Thank you. I did go to an incredible, you know what, let's just do this. I went to an incredible rally on the 4th of July. They were called confronting the 4th. Well, you know, let's just knock it out. It's going to be a person of the week.

Ashth's like, you know what, now that you mentioned it, I am the person of the week. Now that I mention it. We were going to use this as a platform to uplift voices of color, but let's just uplift Ashley's voice. You know what, honestly, I haven't gotten enough airtime on this podcast. Okay, no, I'm just going to say it. I did go to a rally in a March on July 4th, and it was to honor black and indigenous activists. It was called confronting July 4th.

You can see their website and also check them out on Instagram. It was in Brooklyn, super uplifting, positive, inspirational, galvanizing experience to do on July 4th, given the state of the world. And it was organized by a coalition of lesbian, queer activists plus filmmakers and historians who wanted to honor black and indigenous activists. So they can be our people of the week this week. And all these incredible performers and speakers, musicians that were at the event. This activist and writer speaker named Stacey Ann Chin fucking blew me away. I bought her book on the spot. We were up out like we were up clapping,

screaming. She was like so inspirational. The whole thing was just great. It was a really good experience and really kind of made you want to continue to fight the good fight and, you know, speak out against the wrong things that are going on in this country. Because at the end of the day, we love this country. We just wanted to be better in some of these areas. I think a lot of people are like thinking, like, what can I do to help? And something that I've like loved seeing, I only know about New York, but something I've loved seeing at these protests is like all the people that are like, okay, maybe I don't know about the issues, but like a girlfriend of ours went and she cooked hundreds of parogies and fed the protesters, our friend Emily. And she's just like, she's not like

a political act. She was like, how can I contribute? I've loved seeing the people of New York City show up in whatever way they can. Whether it's marching or just like providing food or water or you took phone chargers. I know, I went down to, well, this is for Occupy City Hall. I went down there as well and I just brought a bunch of stuff that they needed. I brought phone chargers. I brought tailgate chairs.

I brought pillows. I just think for anybody who has like this idea of like a pro, because I think the word protest, like it conjures visions of like yelling and screaming. And it's like so many of these things are just like really. informative and people giving great speeches and sharing black businesses and there is a lot of, I mean, obviously there's a lot of good, but there's so many interesting things happening. So if you guys think you want to check them out, it's not intimidating and go by yourself. I also, the best Instagram in New York is Justice for George, NYC. So justice for George, NYC is your comprehensive list of what's going on every day. And all the boroughs. And every borough. Like up to the, up to the minute. whoever is doing that is just fucking on it. It is, it's the best resource that there is in this city and in Brooklyn and all the boroughs.

All the boroughs. Okay. So you want to tell people what the weather is? It's like fucking hot. I have a question. I'm pissed. Because you're a meteorologist. Why is it so unpleasant here?

You go to any other city and it's like not that hot, but it's here. It says it's 75 degrees, but it's 300% humidity. I hate it here. I mean, the first, I've been here for about three and a half

weeks at this point. The first two weeks were really great. And then it got like hot and humid. So yeah, I mean, it's like allegedly 79 right now and cloudy, but I bet the humidity is pretty high. Let's see. We have a 20% chance of rain, 79% humidity. 79 and 79. Awesome. Also my favorite number on my birthday. I feel like this is fake news. I feel like it's 110. Air quality says good. Yesterday was not good. Yesterday was bad for people with any sort of issues. Good thing. Do you ever see it says unhealthy air quality and you're like, cool. Yeah. I was outside.

Good thing I'm already wearing a mask anyway. Yeah, I was outside the entire day yesterday. What are you doing? I went to city MD twice and I laid out on my roof. Punishing heat. Okay. Well, I guess we'll talk about the city MD thing. You went to city MD twice.

We had been planning on going to Dewey Beach. TBD. We're supposed to leave in a couple days. If you're listening to this on Monday, we should be there. We may not be. You never know. Things change day by day. but that was the plan, just a small group of girls, and we all went and got COVID tests.

And the plan was to get the test, hopefully get it back before we left and just try to self-quarantine as much as possible before then. So you don't contract it in the meantime because sometimes these tests take up to five to seven days to get back. So again, we're recording before we're supposed to have left. You've obviously known if we're there, if you follow us on Instagram, but that was the plan to do that for my birthday. I got my first one. You had already gotten one. So yeah, I mean, again, you talked about the experience before. People are wondering. Rain and I both went to the city MD.

It's just like an urgent care walking clinic. When I went there, there was like a line in the street. There was like stickers of where to stand six feet apart. I waited like 30 minutes outside and then maybe another 15 inside. And then the test was like immediate. So I did the antibody and the test to see if you have it. The antibody is blood. I hate giving blood.

I brew so easily. I like still have a bruise. Like look at it. And then the nasal swab. is something else. I will say it is not as bad as people may make you think and it's like three seconds, but don't watch a video of it ever. Because when you watch it, it looks like it goes up to your brain. Oh, have you ever seen like the images on Google where it shows like the inside of your head how far goes? Don't look at that. Mine wasn't that bad. The first time, the first time I hated it

the second time because I was ready for it. I was like, all right. And then it was just over. So quick. It's so quick. It's literally like three seconds. And the nurse was like, it's just going to feel like, water kind of going all the way up your nose. We've all felt that sensation when we've like been swimming when we've done coke in an ocean. Okay. But what is the real reason to go to CityMD is to cruise the dudes. Right. So my experience, I will just say nobody was attractive. I was hoping to have a Raina Greenberg city MD experience like her first COVID test and like be scoping out hot guys. That was not the case. Literally the lady in front of me in line took a smoke break. At the doctor's office. She stepped out of line.

went to stand next to a pile of garbage on the street and smoked a sig, took her mask down and smoked a sig, waiting in line to get her COVID test. I mean, I didn't even know we were still smoking cigarettes. I thought 2020 we were just done with cigarettes. I just thought we're joling. Outer julin.

I didn't even know that we were taking masks down. Well, it's no jule July. Do you think that's why she spoke to SIG because it's no Jule Jolai? I saw people smoking this weekend too in the Hamptons. I can't believe people's. Anyways, it's why. Okay, so you had like a trash. I went in there, hottest dudes ever, crazy hot.

And then I asked you guys what the best lines to cruise people to DMD was. You guys are slots. We knew that you guys were total sluts. Funny sluts. Settle and demure. We're also funny slots. Like, it's fine. Yeah, I just, I kept thinking every single thing somebody contributed.

I was like, what would happen if I said this to a person? One of the girls said my pussy contains the immunity for COVID-19. I was thinking like if I walked up to a guy, like, what would happen? Like, do you think that I would, like, bomb? at CityMD. Then you could be like, so you must have not hurt me right. I'm wearing a mask.

Like you could just blame it on the mask. Oh, and I could just like shame them. Like what are pickup lines like through a mask? I'll tell you. Because I tried this weekend. Oh, okay. I tried to cruise a guy this weekend with a mask on.

It's really awkward. So I went out to the Hamptons for the weekend, which is also a reason why I got the COVID test. It's important. Obviously, if you're around a couple people to get tests. So I went into this restaurant, world pie, world pizza, with Ashley Gavin, who was a guest of ours a couple weeks ago. And I walked in and the waiter was like so hot.

We were just picking up food. You can't eat inside of restaurants there. So we were just picking up the food. I thought he was so sexy. He was tall, two full sleeves, facial hair. Probably bald with a beard. 50% of that is correct. He actually had hair.

So it's not on brand for me. That's not your type. Not my type. But I was like smiling and like giggling. And I realized he like couldn't. see what I look like. And it was so embarrassing. And I'm like kind of flooring with him, but he can't understand anything I'm saying. So it's

like all muffled throughout. And then Ashley like walks to go outside and I'm still floating to this guy and I walk outside. I leave the food. You just left it? I just didn't take the food. That's how that's so embarrassing. That's so how inept I am and hitting on guys. And we get out to the car and I'm like, I was so cute. And now she's like, go

ask for his number. And I'm like, and I like stutter step outside of the restaurant for like 20 minutes. And then Ashley's like, do you want me to go in and get his number for you. And I was like, I guess so. And she's like, I got this. She didn't give a shit. She's a girlfriend. She's taken. And she marched right back into the restaurant. She was in there for like eight minutes. That's a crazy long time to be inside. I was standing by myself. That's a really long time. I was like, what is happening? She showed him my Instagram account. They had to go get him from the back. He was on break. She showed him my Instagram account.

He looked it up. She comes out. She hands me a napkin. And I'm like, Ashley, this is just a name. There's no information on it. Like, and she was like, he said, he said, had this is an Instagram handle and I was like, this isn't an Instagram handle. What? This guy just like wrote a name down and that was it. It was, he was just like, this like, that is so embarrassing. She was like, give me your info and he just wrote Mark. No.

So I did find him. I found him via the name because I'm the CIA. Yeah. His Instagram has five photos. Okay. Five photos only. Four of them are him as a child. weird, which you would like.

True. And one of him is at the gym with like a weird thought bubble that he let. It's very strange. So you're not into it. I'm going to be kind of into it. Just to you have to lose. Literally nothing. Right.

I'm not my dignity because that's already gone. Just why don't you DM him and remember right? You were a hot kid. I don't want to steal your lines. Do you have a younger brother that looks like this for Ashley? Yeah. Oh my God. That's how I am hitting on guys.

I just wanted you to know. And it's so crazy because, like, honestly, that napkin with one first name took eight minutes for her to get. Like, she really had to convince him. And he was just like, I don't care about it. She was like, I got his information. She handed it to me. And it took me a minute to realize that he, like, had rejected me. You found him anyway, though.

Yeah, of course. I'm a CIA. So that's how I cruise, guys. That was my only man for the weekend. Okay. Well, yeah, I went on hinge. I said this last week. I was like, guys were asking me what I was doing for the fourth.

And I was just like saying, you know, going to this rally, whatever. And one guy didn't open with that and we chatted. And he was pretty cool. He was like funny. This was like the third, the night of the third at like midnight. And we were like pretty having a good rapport. Like he opened with something sarcastic and funny. Like I was like, I'm into this, whatever.

And he said something like he had been out day drinking. And he was like kind of a hangover was starting to set in. And I was like, oh, that's why you're on hinge. I said it. I was like, you're hungover. You're having like hangover scary. That's why you're on Hinge right now at midnight. Like, you know what I mean?

And he was like, well, why are you on it? I was like, I'm just doing an experiment. I'm telling guys what I'm doing for the fourth and seeing if they're turned off. And he was like, that's pretty great. And I was like, oh, he's cool, you know. And he was like, do you want to get drinks sometime? Or he said it like very much like, do you want to get a drink sometime? Like asking me out straight up.

And I was just like hit me up when you're not hungover. I'm not buying it. Have I heard from him? No. I just like it. It's like no fucks July. Like, pass it. I mean, I also don't care.

I care. I'm invested. His name Peter? Oh my God. His name is not Peter. His name's like... His name sounds like a fake name, kind of. I'm not going to say it because you also go find him, but it's like a name that I know

someone with the exact same name first and last. Oh. It's an Irish name that sounds like a fake Irish name. Sean O'Connor? Basically. No, it's not Sean O'Connor, but like it could be Sean O'Connor. Yeah. And, you know, if I were to go on a date with this guy, we would just go and have like drinks at a place

that I feel like is doing it right in terms of like social distancing and stuff like that. I mean, I think people are wondering what to do with COVID and I mean, anything you do right now that's around people could pose a risk, but, you know, we wear our masks, you get there, you sit down, you can have drinks and eat, you're still like a good distance

across from somebody at a table. I mean, that's really all I would really do right now. I mean, I feel fine and safe. Everybody should do exactly what they're comfortable doing. But like, I know I'm not a doctor. But like, I feel safe doing that. Like we're in the Hamptons. Like you could sit at like counters outside

or like Grace who's on this show with us today. Her and I went to a bar in Williamsburg but we were like socially distant. I wouldn't mind doing that with somebody. Yeah. I feel totally fun. In New York extended their like walk around and drink alcohol in the street. Date ideas. Definitely. That's what I would like to do.

Yeah. Like that's been so fun like to do that. Yeah. And only have sex doggy style and no kissing. Yeah. Just give a blowjob. I don't know. Yeah. Wear your mask and have dundoo doggy style. Can you imagine? I feel like there's going to be like porns that come out of this. I'm a little turned on just thinking about. And big news, speaking of phase three, I am getting my bush sugared tomorrow. I can't wait to see it. All right. I've never really looked at your vagina, but I'm ready for it. And if you guys do remember,

I did shave in full once. So we're not at like a four month growth. I feel like I'd see it through those. You would shorts. Yeah, I've been wearing buck shorts all the time. Someone's not going to have to wax a four-month growth pussy. And I'm going to even trim it up for a little bit, too. So I'm not like going to ruin this person's day. I feel like everybody's ruining that person's day. Like, can you imagine the first week out of like quarantine, like being a waxer? Yeah. Like what that person has to whack through. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's going to be fine. It's not like a wookie bush walking in there. Again, I did shave in full. So I'm just going there like getting ready for the beach. Yeah. Okay. So speaking of your body parts and the people that care about

them. I have a dad update for you. I talked to my dad on the phone. He has seemed like extra happy all week. Like I can hear the smile in his voice and he's usually like a pretty carmogene little Jew. And he said you know, did you release a new episode on Monday? And I'm like,

yeah, we release every Monday, Dad, you know this. And he's like, what's about? And I was like, it's about dick pics and sexting and phone sex and like, you know, just tips for that. So don't listen to the episode. And he was like, I think I'll listen. That sounds interesting. I was like, I'm sorry, what? And he was like, I mean, I just like listening to you. I like hearing your voice.

Yeah. Okay. I think we need to like come up with the strategy here. What would your dad not want to hear about that you could, maybe you tell him your mom's a guest. I can tell him his own wife is the guest. We did a secret interview with your wife. He's like, I'm not listening to that. I hear her voice all damn day. All day every day. Like, I think he is into the sex stuff. Here's my theory. Because he seems really happy this week. I think I gave him some good ideas and improved his sex life this week. I think my dad is getting sex tips from me, you and Beatrice. And it has improved his week.

Because the smile in that man's voice, I've never heard it before. That is a story for the history for the history. history books. Sex podcaster unknowingly improves her dad's sex life. I bet I did it with a wife that she hates.

Yeah, you know what my true regret is that I made her life better? That's my theory. I think I improved. I think he decided I'm not his daughter. Lee Heseltine owns me now and I improved his sex life. That's my theory. I'm sticking to it. He likes the sound of my voice. He wants to keep listening. You're his favorite

podcaster and comedian. not a member of the family. Arland was always the favorite anyways. Yeah, that's fair. So, I mean, they were looking for reasons to jettison me from the family. Well, you nailed it. I appreciate the update. Yeah, I know.

It's like, I just, like, if my dad, like, wasn't my dad, I'd be like, 69th, huh? You're going to really get it in with the 69? But, like, do you think he knows what that means? Yeah. Genuinely. Because, like, I, my mom's 69th birthday is also this year. And I was like, we're going to have a big party for 69. And she was like, Raina, what are you?

you talking about. Oh, yeah. I mean, my dad doesn't know what that means. Yeah, I feel like my dad. My dad's like loves a dirty joke, you know. He's also class of 69, like when he graduated. He's so lucky. All right. Well, I'll wish him a happy 60-9 and send a wiki face. No. Ew. I hate you. You're right. That's my only dad. I can't do it. I just have to tell you, so we're going to do a whole recommendation segment at the end of this. So I'm not going to get too deep into recommendations. But you said that I don't emphatically tell you not to watch something. And I'm going to tell you guys emphatic. Listen, this is not a dig at the show.

Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix. Okay. I can't watch it. Why? I watched one episode because I love crime and murder. But like, the show ends and like, obviously, like, I should have just known from the title. There wasn't going to like it. There's no closure. So, like, for me, I love murder porn

because, like, at the end, there's like a climax. Like, you get to figure out what's happening. But, like, for me, Unsolved Mysteries is, like, sex with no orgasm. Like, I never get to climax. Yeah. So if you are a person that, like, needs that climax in your murder porn, it might not be for you. It's well done. Right. You know, in their defense, it's in the title. I literally should have known. It's only in the title. Not only is it a word

mystery, but it's an unsolved mystery. It's a short title. Like, it's not, you don't have to decipher it that much. So I am emphatically not recommending that if you like conclusions to your murder porn. That's fair. I have watched a few of them the first one with Ray. His first name is Ray. That's the one I watched. I loved it. Well done. The second one, Pistol Black, his mom, you didn't watch Pass Ray. I just realized I couldn't do it. Okay. The second one made me kind of sad, actually.

Like, the one with Ray was sad too, but there's something about it. It was like a mom and a son. It just left me feeling sad. UFOs, I don't get what fuck about it. I started watching the UFOs when I was like, I can't. And then there's one with French subtitles that I just didn't have the energy and the attention span at that moment to do it. Too tired to read. But Kate Kennedy said the French one is worth powering through. And then I don't know about the others, but those, yeah, I thought the same thing of like, if you really need to know what happened, don't watch the show.

You don't need to know? I am still okay watching it because I'm so intrigued. But I think I can like still sleep at night. But I'm glad that you recommend at least watching. It's a good remake, classic show from when we were kids, and I loved it. Yeah. And maybe they will find out who killed that guy who pushed him through a roof. if you think he killed himself or you think that?

How did they not talk to his friend, old boss? Literally how? I know there was a gag order on the company, but how did they not question whatever his name was? I don't remember his name, but it's like that's why, like, I feel like they're like building towards this thing. They're like,

he unturned these rocks that he couldn't turn back over and then the show just ended. The one thing I just, I couldn't, I can't let it go. I was, again, I was talking to Kate Kennedy about this. Like, how did they not question the best friend

and the last person he talked to and the company he worked for when the call came from inside, the company. Why didn't his wife bring that up? Why didn't you talk to this dude? That's why I can't deal with it. They were just like gag order.

No. But the gag order is coming from like top down within the company. But like the owner of the company that was like his best friend, the police can talk to whoever they want. Like why didn't they talk? Like that's the only question. I was just like something that clearly has had something to do with that company or it appears to have.

Why did they not question his best friend and boss? That's who made the call. So I don't know. I feel stressed out about it. Yeah. He can't kill himself. Someone killed him. It's also weird.

Then there's like threads on the internet about it too. If you really like, you can do like deep dives on all this stuff. I'm watching The Babysitters Club. Something very different. It's cute. I never read those books. I've never read like one of those books. I think I read like every single one.

So it's like, you like it? Is the show for adults? Probably not. Do you need something to recommend for the board you? I like shows about high school, middle school even. Like I like shows about. I'm such a creeper. Middle school.

I like kids shows. I can watch high school shows if like the gist, like the, is that, like, parents were never around. So, like, they could be, like, gossip girl was great because, like, those people could have been in their thirties. Yeah. These are kids in middle school with parents. I watched three episodes last night. It's honestly, I think it's nostalgia, too. Because, like, I remember all those characters so well and, like, the quirks about them and the way they dressed and their whole, like, personality.

to see who cast them. Like, if you read the babysitters club and you're an adult, I think you would still enjoy it. Just for like the pure nostalgia and it's well done. It's cute. Alicia Silverstone is like a mom in it. She's like the main mom. I've never felt so old my whole life. Right.

Clueless was like my favorite. Yeah. All right. Let's get into talking about your ex. I'm really excited. I have to say I'm very, I think that people will be surprised by our take on this. Because I think people will expect us to be like, no. Never.

past never and I think that we are very open-minded about this yeah but there's also like a whole ex culture like fuck your ex blah blah blah don't get back with your ex like block your ex it's like yeah there's a lot of exes you should absolutely block never talk to again and never put respect on their name but there's but I love a reunion you love a comeback I love a I love when the right exes get back together like I am team Issa and Lawrence from insecure first ever and ever. Right. That's the only reason I watched the show.

I was just waiting for. I'm just kidding. I love that show. Yeah. I think there's like so many levels to this shit. I just think there's a million reasons why you break up. There's a million things that like could have improved and there's a million reason to get back together.

So I think it's like hot take alert. Actually hot take alert. We are not a hundred percent. Get back with your terrible ex. Get back with them. Get back into that toxic relation, girl. Get your pussy wet yourself through that again. We don't care that he gave you.

STD. Walk back into that storm, bitch. No. Okay. Okay. So we're going to take you guys on a ride with us. And, you know, in thinking about getting back together with X, you know, understanding your desire to get back together with them, understanding the reason for the breakup and if those things are possible to fix. And then like how to actually try to get back together with somebody

because like obviously there's a lot of roadblocks and barriers. So we will talk about that and our own experiences. Yeah. Because we both have experiences. I haven't like how anybody I got back together with a ton. But, or ever, really. I've never had a long-term serious relationship where I got back together with a person.

But you've gone back and forth to people, so you'll talk about it. Yeah, I'm sorry, I laughed because I like had a year of like back and forth. It was like a nightmare. And then also really, I just wanted to say before we jump in, I think that we're talking about

like you had a hard breakup that was painful, you know, someone you dated long-term-ish, someone that you had strong feelings for because I think that if you dated somebody pretty casually, and you guys broke up for whatever reason. Maybe somebody moved. Maybe who knows?

And then you want to give it another go because you always kind of wondered what could have been. Like, fine, go for it. You know, like, I think we're not really talking about that as much right now. Totally. I think we're talking about, like, because I did that with a guy. We dated. I, then we broke up because I dated somebody else.

And then I always, like, wonder what could have been. We kind of reunited years later. And then it didn't work out again. But, like, nobody broke each other's heart the first time around. So we're not so much talking about that. We're not so much talking about people. you dated that you like kind of never left the back of your mind and you want to see if you can try again? Sure, I say why not. Or like a short term thing like a couple months. It fizzles out.

Like I'm talking like people need a therapy after the breakup. I'm talking about like you, you had that breakup body. Yeah. Ass what's what you look like post breakup. Okay. So you want to go through like understanding the desire to get back together. Yes. I think the first step is realizing whether you actually genuinely in your heart of hearts want to be back with this person, you are still in love with them, you want to be back with them, or there are other issues at play. So let's run through the checklist. Number one, you're just lonely, horny, bored, you know, like all those things. Like, you're lonely. You've been in quarantine. Like you haven't had sex in a while. Like, I think that's pretty easy to figure out my technique for this is visualization.

and I want you to get in a quiet space and really try to meditate through this and picture yourself outside of the pandemic, living your best life, having your social circles, you're a great job, like really happy in your life. Do you picture that person in that life? Right. So this is, I think, a scenario where you just, you want attention. Like anybody wants attention or maybe you're not working. Like, we're in a weird space.

So, yeah, sorry. I think you want attention. I think that you like miss the maybe the comfortability of that person. So it's easy to get attention from that person because it's easy comfortable attention. But like I would just fire up a dating app and like flirt with a couple dudes. And like see if that kind of sues it. Also masturbate. Yeah.

Like, but I think especially the pandemic, it's very easy to like watch a show that triggers a memory of somebody. And like think about do I want to open this door again. Yeah. Maybe you're not living your best life right now. And so you think that they would fill some sort of void that you're feeling. because you're, because it's weird, it's a weird time. We're not living the same way socially. People have lost their job.

So it's like, if you had all that, would you still want this person? Would they better your life? And that kind of leads into, do you just miss the companionship or the friendship? I mean, I dealt with that with an ex of mine. I just like missed him so much as a person in my life. But didn't really want to be back to being boyfriend, girlfriend, necessarily. And it was hard for me to reconcile in my head. like do you do you want to fuck them?

Do you want to like lay around and do nothing with them? Do you want to emotionally support them? Or do you just miss your friend? Do you just miss your like person you would send memes to? Do you just miss the person you would watch Netflix with? Like it's a hard thing to do because sometimes when you date, your friends. That's my best friend. You know, like so I had to really grapple with that of just like I miss this person so much.

I really want them in my life. I feel a void. But like there was somebody else and I don't want to fuck that up. Right. But also can other people fill that voids? If you say to yourself like, okay, what are the things I miss? I miss sharing means with somebody. I miss watching a comedy show.

I miss like giggling and laughing. Like are those things I'm going to find in every person that I date because that's who I am and I'm cool and funny and smart. And so the people that I date are always going to fill that void. Or like, do I miss that person filling that void? Like, you know what I mean? I mean between differentiation. And I think we talked about this on probably our first breakup episode, how to get over

breakup like now is what it's titled. It was like very early on. So 2018 where we were like, here are steps you can take to try to fill those voids. But sometimes you will just miss that person forever. Like you are not supposed to be with them romantically, but you can literally miss them forever. And it's just like a sad reality of like humanity. And maybe one day you'll be able to be friends again. But like because you miss their friendship and their companionship is not a reason to like drag them back into a relationship with you. And then this one, I think this is tough. You've had a string of

bad relationships or hookups or whatever it was that painted your ex in a better light by comparison than it makes you miss them. I mean, that is so true. Like you break up with somebody and then you just go on a ton of terrible dates or whatever it is. I said before, I, this was an ex so long ago. After him, I dated a guy that didn't drink and a guy that didn't have sex. And the bar was so low, I was like, all I want to do is fuck somebody and get drunk with them and I got back with my ex. Nothing makes you feel worse than that date. That is one of the worst dates you'll ever go on is after you break up, you like miss your best friend, the person you're like dope sex with. And you go on a date and you're just like, I hate this person.

And it's so, I've gone home from those dates and fucking cried my eyes out. And I am so miserable and unhappy. And that stuff will break you. That is not, again, a reason to get back to the ex. I'm glad that you brought that up in the checklist because, like, we've all had those dates. We're like, that person doesn't understand you and that person doesn't like the same jokes. But also, like, you have to remember your ex-head months, if not years of time to also understand you that way. And you should give other people a chance to get to know you that way, too.

you can't just jettison every person after every date because they don't get you the way somebody who had the opportunity to know you for years knew you. Right. And all these things can also still be happening and you could still genuinely be back with them. We just, they're not mutually exclusive. We just want to make sure this isn't the sole reason is what I'm saying. Like, you could definitely still really be meant to be back with your ex, love them, miss them, and have also had all the terrible dates. You know what I'm saying? Okay. This is the fourth one. You're feeling pressure from family, friends, et cetera,

to settle down. You feel like your time is running out and you won't find someone else. Now this is just straight up like you're like, I want to settle

and I'm, and everybody's like jumping down my throat because I'm 30, whatever, and I'm feeling pressure and I feel like I'm never going to find anybody else. I mean, we've said it a lot.

There's nothing lonelier to me than being in a relationship with somebody you like really don't want to be in and you settled for. Yeah. Like I'd rather just be lonely. I mean, whatever,

if you want to settle, if you like, if your ex is like a good man makes money and you feel like I want to be a, a mother and a wife right now, then like, do that. But know that you're doing it. Like make a conscious decision that you are settling. Like really talk to yourself on this one. What I would say on this one, and all of them is before you make this decision to get back with

your ex and you feel like a lot of it is that family, societal, friend, pressure, whatever, like, go talk to a therapist. And like any of these things, like, it does not hurt to sit down with a therapist and spend a little money and before you try to mess up somebody's life or before you make a bad decision to get back with somebody. Okay, and the very last one, oh, man, this is going to hit hard for a lot of people. There was someone else and you're jealous and it's all your ego. I mean, that's a lot of the time. You look at that.

I feel that physically I can feel that in my bow. Except you me looked at my ex yesterday and the girl that he's moving in with. I did not feel that. That's how you know you're over it. When you're and your friends can just look and laugh at it. Or be happy for them. Yes. But yeah, jealousy is never a reason.

I'm glad that you. I love this list. Thanks. I'm glad that you like knock these all out and the attention. Okay, so there's this song, if the world was ending. You know that song? Yes. If the world was ending, would you come over?

Yeah. It makes me like have a lot of feelings. I sat in bed and I smoked a blunt and cried for hours last night. It's fine. We'll talk about why. But the thing about attention and like really enjoying somebody, be like the line in the song is like, I know you know, we know we weren't meant for each other and it's fine. That song is, yeah.

Do you hate it? No, I love it. And it's like I had an ex that I broke up with. And one of the last things I said to him way before the song ever came out years prior was like, if everything was like going wrong in the world, you'd be the person I want by my side. So then I heard this song years later. And I was like, oh my God. But like I think of this is like a very good metaphor for this episode because it's like the world isn't ending tomorrow. So like, yeah, of course you'd want to spend like your last.

with this person. And like I dated somebody kind of recently who like I really enjoyed him. Yeah, if the world ended tomorrow, I'd love to like spend a night with him and like hang out and have sex and all that stuff. But like the world isn't ending tomorrow. And like we have to go on and we have to like blend our lives together and move forward and have friends and family and a future. And like you have to say to yourself like is the attention that I want today. Like is that what does that look like for the future? Yeah. And I just, I thought like this song was like a good metaphor for what we were talking about today. That's all yeah. That'll get you. Yeah. because if the world is ending,

there's lots of people I used to date that I would really want to spend a day with, but like the world is ending. If the word ends tomorrow, you and me are spending them together. I was wondering, you and my family. We're going to be with Hustletimes.

What do you mean? They are my family. I don't have a dad anymore. Okay, but this ego thing, like ego is the root of so many of our issues and we all have it. And people have it on different levels. A lot of working on your ego comes out in therapy,

comes out with maturity. this is another one that I always recommend if you were having a hard time deciphering that maybe talked to a therapist because sometimes you really cannot see past the jealousy and the rage and the need to win. I've been fault to it and I've seen it happen where like a lot of times with men too

they just have to win. I know a guy that kind of didn't even really want to be with this girl. They were back and forth for years and then she moved on and he like went hard trying to get her back and he really didn't want to be with her and the course they didn't work out. And like we have these tendencies

to have our ego get in the way and be jealous. And like sometimes it's about winning. Sometimes it's about needing to prove to yourself something. And there is nothing worse than your ego ruining a potentially good relationship between this person that you still care about and someone that they could actually work with. Yeah, I think a lot of these decisions are driven by ego. And like, we're all human. We all want attention and love and comfortability.

And we all want to feel like we're the best thing that happened to our ex ever. and you know that I mean you've had to point out to me like my ego is getting in my way of like making healthier decisions for myself in the past and like I think this is just like a great checklist to go through and it's like a lot of us just want attention or we want to get laid there's like other avenues to do that yeah and at the end of the day like listening to your gut like we women have such an amazing I mean we're talking everybody today women men whatever you identify with we all have an intuition and just really that gut check because I think you always know and I think that I've been in situations that I was trying to like my head was wrestling with like my heart and my gut.

You know, I am, I feel most of what's happening like in my gut as like a person. And I knew, I knew. I knew. And also one thing I wanted to point out today, I don't know, it's like we're kind of talking about any situation, whether you're the person that would be the one to reach out and try to rekindle in terms of like maybe you were the one that broke up with them and you're trying to rekindle or your ex is reaching out to you and you're the one that is needing to make the decision. Those two are very different, but like, I guess in the grand scheme of things, it's like either or. Let's just say the decision is on you. But on the flip, if it is your ex that's trying to get back with you, you need to think about and try to figure out if it's only

because one of the reasons we just mentioned on the checklist too. I agree either or because I mean, you can still, if your ex reaches out to you, you're still like, oh, I like this attention. You still need to ask yourself this stuff. Absolutely. And I think for me, like the last thing you and I were talking about is like saying to yourself, okay, when I'm thinking of, about my ex and I miss them. Like, if enough time has passed, am I looking at the past relationship clearly? Has a year gone by and I'm only thinking about the positive things and like you call it like looking through it through Rhodes Color glasses. But like really think about what your relationship with that person was like. And I had that

moment last night where I had like gut check myself and I was watching this show and I had this really nice memory of this guy that I dated and this really beautiful special day that we had. And I was like, oh, I want to text him and I want to tell him I'm watching this. and I knew it would like open the door for communication. And if I did that. And I just like took a moment to be like, okay, let me visualize that day. And we did this like special thing. And the day like, I don't know, my memory of it is sweet.

But I thought about the day. And I was like, oh, we didn't really get along on the way to do that thing. And I didn't really enjoy the conversation. And like, I didn't really like enjoy laughing with that person that day. And it was like, oh, I remember this beautiful memory. But like, I didn't really enjoy that day that much. And I'm remembering this person in a positive light because so much. time has passed, but like, let's be realistic about what was really happening at the time.

Absolutely. Like, looking back on the past, like, through those rose color glasses, that's when I always get tripped up on the phrase hindsight is 2020. Because, like, not in relationships. Hindsight is fucked. Like, hindsight is 2020. Like, you always look back on something and see it clearly. No, you don't.

You look back on the good and you forget the bad. And that's good. Like, it's good to, like, not be this, like, bitter. Every person, but, like, bitch. I don't know. We should put that on a t-shirt. Hindsight's 20. Hindsight is near-sighted as fuck.

Hindsight has a stigmatism. Bitch, you was blind, okay? Again, masturbate, maybe get attention from somebody else. I took a beat and like, well, I listened to this song and repeat. That's why I listened to this song and repeat last night and cried. You were in your feels. I was really my, but I woke up in this, I, sometimes I just say to myself, like, if I can just not act on this impulse right this minute. If I can go to sleep, if I can take 10.

hours or 12 hours and think about do I still want to do this, then I'll reevaluate it. But I woke up this morning and I was like, I'm really glad I didn't do that. Like I was by myself last night. I had a glass of wine. I was watching the show. Like I was in my feelings. I listened to sad music. And like that will make anybody send the text. But like, go to sleep and see if you still want to send it at 10 o'clock in the morning and then you can send it. Right. But don't send it right this second. Yeah. And what does love and a relationship look like to you? And do you really want this with this person? Like to me, I always ask myself, like, did this person bring out the best in me? Do they want the same things as me?

Do I feel like they were a part of me? Like, did I really love this person? Like, that's kind of weaves everything we've even said together. But like, really just think about the way you really felt about this person and what you liked about them. Make, Ashley and I always say, make a list. Make the pros and cons list. And let's talk about what's going on in the world. Are they wearing a mask?

Are they saying all lives matter? Fuck them. We've seen people's true colors. I'm sorry, if your ex is some fucking no mask wearing anti-vax, all lives matter. How did you get Harris? Because I mean, I think sometimes, you know, all those things, like people grow in different directions. Like we have, you know, we know we have a lot of younger listeners. You're wondering if you should get back with your ex from college, maybe, you know, like, where are they staying now?

Have you evolved so much more? Like, you might not talk about this shit back when you were in college, but the world has changed. Are they wearing a mess? Well, I always think, like, did the person that made 25-year-old me, would they make 30-year-old me happy? Like, I wanted different things and I evaluated relationships differently back then. So, like, yeah, the person I was engaged to was the love of my life when I was 25.

Like, I am a totally different person than I was and I want different things financially, economically for the future. Like, I don't know if I want kids. I wanted different things back then. Like, I don't know. Like, if I met that person today, I don't want to be like, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Because he's like a nice person. But, like, I wouldn't romantically give him the time of day because he's not the kind of person I fuck with now.

Exactly. And that's not the person that would make me. And I would make him happy either. I mean, you've seen who he's dating. And listen, it's not you. I'm not her. Not even close. Okay.

So if you've gotten this out of the way, like, why do you want to get back to there? Also, by the way, I do think this whole, like, I'm just, like, I haven't met anybody else. that fills that void. Like, that's, like, how I felt for a long time when, like, my fiance and I broke up for years. I mean, even up to the point where I met you. Like, I wasn't hung up on missing him. I was hung up on the fact of, like, should I have fought for this harder?

Like, I haven't found anybody else I'm in love with as this person. Like, and I'll talk about what happened in a minute, like, when I saw him eventually. But, like, yeah, like, I had to, that was a really hard thing to grapple with. It was worse than, it lasted longer than the pain from the breakup for me, I guess. Like, that lasted for a year. me saying to myself, like, should I have thought of this? And by the way, like, you used to think who broke up with who. Like, he left me.

It wasn't my choice. So, like, a part of me, it was my ego being like, you left me and it's like fucking sucks. Yeah. But it also, like, wasn't my decisions. Like, I don't know that getting back together would have been my decision either. Right. And honestly, like, a lot of people, me included, subscribe to this theory that you have two

great loves in your life. A lot of you may remember that from Sex and the City. And of course, that's not everyone's story. And plenty of people don't subscribe to that either. And that's fine. But I bring it up to illustrate something that I think people do wrong. They like break up with this person that was truly one of the loves of their life. And then you're just going to not find the next one right away.

So you do go on bad dates. Every single person you date until you find that next second, maybe final great love of your life is not going to be the same. So I think you need to do that. reality check of like this person, you're dating this person after your ex, they're not my ex. It's like, yeah, they're not going to. Like if you only are really going to have two, which again, if you don't think that, that's fine. But like, I kind of do think that. And I had to like really put myself in check. And like, that's something that Corey said to me where she was like, you're going to fall in love again, but it might not be right away. So you are going to go on bad dates. And you are going to have like

three month relationships that fall apart. And you are going to have disappointments and stuff. because they're not that person that you're meant to be with. I mean, you can, I totally agree with you. I mean, whether you think you get two or 10, like, I still think, somebody said this to me and I was like, oh, duh. Like, I was like bummed about all these dates. And somebody said, like, well, love is rare. That's why it's special.

And, like, it is a unique thing. You're not going to find that with everybody. I mean, if you do, go for fucking you girl. I don't know. But, like, I mean, it is natural that you would go on 15 dates and you're not going to fall in love with any of them. And that's okay. And every love is.

different than the last. I don't think that you should expect the next person to be the last person. But it's so, so rare. That's why it's so fucking amazing when you find it. Right. That's the quote. Love is rare. So why would you think you would find that right after you ended one of the great ones? I'm really excited to talk about why you broke up. And I think just like understanding the reasons why you broke up and if those things can be fixed either by therapy, lifestyle changes, this timing growing up. Like I do just think like, like you said like at the beginning episode,

sometimes you just grow the fuck up and you're just an adult now. And like what you want is aligned with the other person. Like I know plenty of people that broke up because like one person was ready to get married and the other person wasn't. And you like go away and you grow up. Yeah.

And sometimes it's stuff that has just fixed itself. Like was it that somebody worked all the time? And then they'd cut back, got a new job, whatever it is. A lot of times it's just distance. Like you just, you know, I had an ex that we went back and forth for six years post-college.

And I really do think that if I would have loved him and wanted to be with him, we could have eventually reunited. Like, he always lived in a different place. We were in different stages of life. And then I feel like he had this moment of clarity when he finally was settled. And he was like, you know, I want to be with you. And I was like, oh, sorry, I don't feel the same way. But had I felt the same way, I think we could have a beautiful relationship.

And it would have this amazing romantic story of meeting senior year in college and then reconnecting for good. when we were 28 years old. Like, because the only thing that always kept us apart was like different life stages. It wasn't that we had a toxic relationship or we clashed or we had different, I mean, clearly different values and stuff. We just weren't meant to be. But like our stuff had worked itself out.

Like it was always that like he didn't know where his job was going to take him. Like I think there's factors that like if a factor is just isn't there anymore, you know, factor 100% I think job and money are like big things. I have a girlfriend that like broke up with her pretty serious long term boyfriend because he was just like, I mean, nothing going on. He like was kind of being a loser and not making any money. And I don't want to make it sound like she was like some stuck up money hungry person, but like, no one wants to feel like it's all on them to make the money. Lisa and Lawrence. Season one, Lawrence was a scrub. It's 100% that. So it was like she was dating

this guy. He was kind of being a scrub. And like my girlfriend's man just like went out, got a good job and like got his shit together. Yeah. We're talking about insecure. But yeah, nobody glowed up more than Lawrence. also had a better job than Issa. He got way hotter. He was a scrub. Even the way he looked at his job and then he got his shit together.

And yes. And he said I watched you walk out the door every day to live your life and it made me feel shitty. And it's like that's a circumstantial thing. And like people can just grow up and get their shit together. 100%. And that's fine. And like I just think that like when you reevaluate, am I going to get back together with this person like is the same person still in the room with you?

Like has nothing changed or has like these circumstantial things changed? You know, like, breaking up because of lifestyle choices is not the same as breaking up because of who the person is. Like, did they fucking cheat on you? Are they a scumbag? Did they just, like, lie to your face every single day? Like, I mean, Ashley and I both sort of feel like not necessarily wants a cheat or always a cheater. Everything's circumstantial. I do believe that people can go to therapy and understand like the area of their ways. Like, I think that cheating is probably like the number one roadblock and you're just sort of like, I don't know how I'd ever like tell my family I got back with that person. But I do think people go to therapy and like, you know, repent for their mistakes. So it can happen. Yeah.

And ultimately, why did you break up? Is that still there? Have you both done the work? You know, I dated somebody that I had a really toxic relationship with. I mean, you know, it was volatile. It was ups and downs. But I think we both grew up a ton. We're not together, clearly, or meant to be together.

But like, I think had we even met years later, after doing the work that we'd done on ourselves, we would have been a better couple. Like, so much of it is like, working it on your own growing up, like you said, going to therapy, you know, figuring your trauma out. Like I dated someone that had a lot of trauma that he had never even, he started to work through it while we were dating. You know, like now he's years past that. He's so much better for the next person. Yep. You know, and also like has time passed, like significant time where you have been able to forgive, never forget. Never forget. I didn't even say.

Like you. That's Ashley's brand. Never forget. People don't forget. You have to go into a new relationship with somebody 100% forgiving them for anything that ever happened. If you even step into this new chapter of your old relationship with resentment, you're fucked. So if you still have resentment that you haven't worked with, don't even go there.

I think, I mean, I think that probably the, I obviously like I'm a big fan of Esther Prell's work. And, you know, she talks about like going to therapy with couples that have cheated on each other and how it's like the biggest shakeup you'll ever have in your life. And I read on these two qualifying factors I wanted to read to you. What has changed that makes you think will be different this time around? So like I would make a list of why you broke up and then I would like put these in a column next to it. So like what has changed that makes you think this time around will be different than the last time?

And what is your former partner done to become a more capable partner since the breakup? So like if trust was broken, what have they done to rebuild it? If it was just like a job thing, what are they done to like get their lives together? So like I would make two columns and like answer those questions. Like here's why we broke up. What changed? But also have this conversation with them. I mean, a lot of this is just once you've done the checklist from the earlier portion and realized you want to be back with this person,

did you, you know, there's a different ways to go about it or maybe they're the one that reached out to you. But are you sitting down over coffee? Are you talking in the phone? You know, it's a weird time. Are you doing a Zoom? Like, have a conversation with them. Like, if that's the person you're supposed to be with, like, the open communication is key of, like, how do you feel like we've both changed from what broke us up before? Like the conversations,

you have them with yourself, but you have them with the person. Well, especially the other person's asking you to get back together. That's my first question. My first question is how are you different? What work have you done? Like, I can pretty much pinpoint the reason why all of my breakups happened, you know, like, and the more like recent person I started stop talking. You're like, we just don't want the same things in life. Those things are never going to change. Like, I just don't think he's going to wake up and be a different person and like want. And this was like a very serious long termax. But like I don't think he's ever going to wake up and want those things. It wouldn't be different. Like I could so want to enjoy his time. But like he's

never going to not want to like live on the boat in the middle nowhere. Well, I like that you said what you want because that was another thing I wanted to talk about too was do you want the same things? Because again, controversial take, I don't know that love conquers all. So if you still want to live a totally different life, we've talked about this in different episodes in various ways than that issue is still there. Like, I really had a person I was with that for a moment in time, we thought we were going to move here together. Like, I really was delusional about it because I loved him.

I wouldn't call it. I think it's hopeful. I think that, like, when you meet somebody that you had such a great deep love with, I think that, like, you want to be hopeful that you can fix it and that love will conquer all it doesn't. But, like, you want to hope it does? Yeah, but, I mean, like, we both decided on it. we were looking at apartments, you know, he told it his mom, you know, like, it was, that was on the books until like our next, you know, huge fight. But like, I obviously realized shortly thereafter and even now more today, like he never wanted to live here. Like, that would have been such a fucking disaster. Like, this was always where I was meant to be. It was never where he was meant to be. Like, our lives were going in two totally different directions, not even just the city we were living in, our career, everything. So really, those are tough pills to swallow.

that you don't want the same stuff. It's really rough. I mean, especially, I mean, I'm assuming a lot of people break up because one person wants to get married or wants kids and the other one doesn't. But if it's less circumstantial stuff and just emotional stuff, I would also ask the person point blank, like, are you willing to do the work to repair what has happened? Like, do you want to do that because I demand that of you? And like, that's a normal, healthy thing to demand of a person. Like, here's what was broken. Like, are we fixing this? How do we repair this? Is it therapy? Is it whatever it is. Like you said that your ex had all these emotional issues like, have you gone to therapy since then? Right. You know? Yeah. Have I become more empathetic? Have I done the work I needed to do on my part?

I'm clearly talking about myself, but you guys too. We had some girl ask when we asked you guys for topic ideas. She wrote how to be more empathetic, which is a huge issue that I have had in the past. And I'm obviously always still working on myself. But that is something that I can attest to. becoming better at over time. And that probably happens in relationships on both sides, the man and the woman, where somebody just like really lacks empathy.

And it does not mean you will be like that forever or even like in the next year or two. I think I agree. I think empathy, like these, I think it's important to want to like realize these bad qualities in yourself and want to work on them and then work on them. Like there's some people that are like, I lack empathy. but I mean, I am who I am. Right. You know, and it's like,

all right, well, then find somebody that expects a different version of love and be with that person. Right. I don't know. I think about, like, you know,

what has changed? Are you still, is that person still the exact same person? Like, are you still in the same inner room with that person? And like when my Beyonce and I broke up, we saw each other for the first time right after you and I started the podcast,

like a month in. So like, I never talked about it on the podcast. You know how stressful that was? For me? Yeah. No, for you. It was really.

so crazy because we were newer friends and then I was like is this bitch serious? If you guys are like a newer listener, I was engaged to somebody I lived in for three years. He left me the day after our engagement party. It was like a very bad breakup.

You could laugh about it now. Just the engagement party thing alone is enough. You don't have to be like in case you didn't pick up on it, it was bad. You weren't like, he'd left me the day after our engagement party. It was fine. It was fun, actually. If you're looking to develop a Xanax

habit, I can't recommend it enough. But yes, he left me and then we never spoke again. Like, we didn't have, like, back and forth. We didn't email back and forth. There was no checking in on the other person. I changed the locks to the apartment the next day. I put his stuff on the curb four days later. You don't live here anymore,

bitch. That's what the cup is from. If you guys have seen our mug, I said the mug is from. Ashley yelling, you don't live here anymore, bitch. anyway so we didn't talk for years and then I knew that the relationship should have ended but I did spend years thinking like did I give up on this too soon because this was like the kindest person the most loyal he was such a good partner to me he was so lovely to be around he was hot everybody liked him you know he just like was floundering in life and that was never ever going to stop and I was honestly sick of fucking dealing with it and when we met up again I like instantly

it was so nervous the minute I saw him I instantly felt like oh my god this feels like like home. He knows everything about me. He knows my family. He asked about my parents, like funny stuff. And he like remembered all these things about me, like, what I like to eat. And like the way that I smell, he was like, you know, you still like have the same perfume. And I was like, this is so comfortable. This feels so nice. And we had this like great dinner. And then we started talking about like some career choices of his. And I started like volunteering some information to help. And I was like, oh my God, like we're back there again. Like this is, oh my God. Like we have an hour fallen into the same pattern. We're like, I identify that he's

kind of floundering. I'm offering advice that no one fucking asked for. I'm emasculating this person sitting in front of me. I'm giving him advice that he doesn't want. No one asked for this. And I just, I was like, oh my God, this is the same person. And this is like never going to change. And like, it was like that moment that I like allowed myself to be like, you know what? I didn't walk away from this too soon. Like I'm glad I didn't fight for it. Nothing has changed five years later. And it was like this crazy weight was lifted. Like I went home. I felt so good. I mean, also he like cried a lot and couldn't get it up when he tried to make something. exactly. I won. Crying over a limpidic is something else. Wow. He really was crying a lot. There was a lot of

crying. And you know, he said he was sorry and he begged for forgiveness and that was nice to hear. I didn't need to hear it but it was nice. Anyways, I don't know if I've ever like fully told that story, but let it out on the podcast, but it was nice to at least like allow myself that piece. But like I did, I realized in that moment, like even though it felt comfortable and it felt like home and I like the attention, he was hot and I liked being with him. I was just like, I, this will never be okay. And I thought to myself also like I, it's not telling my family and friends we were getting back together. Like I could tell them and I also, I've thoughts about how to tell people that. But like, that wouldn't have been the biggest obstacle for me. The biggest obstacle

for me would have been like, oh, I'm still with this person that can't get their life together. And it wouldn't have changed. And that is something to be like continuously evaluating if you're moving into this direction. Like for me, you know, an ex of mine and we just fought all the time. So if we would ever have tried to get back together, I would have been like, okay, are we communicating completely differently in a more healthy way? Like, are we still triggering each other in these ways or have we moved past it? Like, I think the exes that get back together, like, I view it like a sequel of a movie. Like, it is the same people and the same characters, but it's a totally different storyline. Like, it can be like totally different. You know what I mean? And I just like to think of it as that way of like there's still things that are same, but like we're writing a different. movie, you know, and like, I don't know, what sequels have lived up to their original? Home Alone 2. It's rare. All seven Harry Potter's bitch. Okay. True. But that was like a, like a, not a trilogy, but like a, it's not a sequel. True. Like, I mean, ongoing story. It's rare, but I read some stat of like, of the people that try to get back with their ex and are successful. It's like a 15% success rate, which is fine. I mean, maybe you could be the Home Alone 2 of of breakups

but it's I think if you had a relationship where you guys triggered each other a lot you fought all the time and you start to reunite, talk again, you'll know pretty quick if things have changed. You'll feel that like, oh my God, they're reacting differently.

And again, a lot of that could just because it's new, it might change in three months, but like at least take mental notes of are we communicating healthier than we did before? And I think that you, you can walk into it wanting to be a better person and it will inspire you to be a better person. Again, I think people would be shocked that we weren't like, fuck this. Don't get back together

with your ex. Like, I really believe that people like can just grow the fuck up. Like the way, I was so volatile with like my boyfriend. I was like 21. We fought all the time. We screamed and shouted it like got a little physical towards the end. Whatever. That's for a different episode. But like I was a wild, jealous, screaming, crazy person. So is he like. I'm just, no one that's ever dated me since I would ever think that. That's what he thinks of me because I acted like a fucking crazy person, but I just grew up. I just, I stopped being so jealous. I stopped being so, well, I mean, also I thought he gaslit me a lot, but like I just wasn't, I'm just not the same person to act, you know, and I think you can just grow up and be better.

Absolutely. Also, I wouldn't just say something that I feel like you have touched on this before, and I have a quote from this, that counts are in relationship expert. I didn't, I want to give credit words to, but the general thing is like, a, green on the narrative, like agreeing on your issues. Like, if you can't agree on why you didn't work before, you are not going to be able to make it work again. Like, you've said this before. Like, do we have the same version of the story? And this was this, um, this is a relationship expert and counselor. Her name's Rachel A. Sussman. I think this was like on some like Oprah magazine article. But, um, the quote was in order to work out the issues that caused the breakup, you need

to agree on what those problems were in the first place. Failure to do so will bring the reunion honeymoon period to a screeching halt a week, a month or two months in. It's is what she said, which I forget when you referenced that, but like, I reconnected with an ex and we were talking and as friends at one point. And as many issues and toxic traits that our relationship had, we were able to a year or two later recognize those and like fully agree on them. And like kind of apologize for some shit. Like it was kind of a beautiful moment. We had like a really wonderful conversation that was like an hour or two where we even apologize for stuff we had done like a year or two prior and everything was like agreed upon stuff that we could

not even see eye to eye on in the relationship. It's like such a nice release, isn't it? Yeah. And like you find like, I don't think that you need to like be validated and be told that this was fucked up and it's up because like I think you know. But like to have somebody be like, yes, this is what was happening even though they like vehemently disagree that that's like wasn't what was happening then. It's like nice to be validated that way. And yeah, I mean, I think that like I was talk, maybe I brought that up during like a breakup thing. Like when you break up with somebody, you want to know, like, you both have the same narrative and story of like what happened.

But like, it will allow you to move forward. And like even like my ex in DC who's like my best, one of my best friends, we want we don't want a romantic relationship. But like him and I really agree on like why we broke up. And it allows me to be kind to him and have a good relationship with him. Right. We both agree that we just have like very different love languages and like I wanted certain things from him.

And he has even said to me now, like, in his current relationship, like I have identified that I'm not like this and she wants those things and I work on those things now. It's really nice to know that he wants to work on those things for somebody else. That's really special for me. But like, yeah, we just had different love languages

and it's nice to know that we agree that those are different for each of us and that's allowed us to move forward in a really positive way. Yeah. So I think, you know, going about it is always just asking them to have a conversation.

sure there's tons of articles out out there about getting back with your ex. You can Google them. I'm sure some other experts have their own tips and tricks. I don't know, start liking their Instagram post a few weeks in advance. Get them, get yourself top of mind. I don't know. Whatever. It's fucking stupid. I just think like if you want to talk to somebody, be like, hey, you know, can we talk? And honestly, if they say, I need to think about this or I'm not sure, you have to respect that. Because all of this is clearly you guys broke up for a reason. Like, they're still triggering things there. Like, if you're like, if you're the one that end of the relationship and you're the

one that's thinking you might want to get back together with them and you reach out and they deny you, you just need to respect that. Yeah. Also, just because you, if you're the person that's reaching out and somebody says, I need some time, that doesn't mean they're never going to talk to you. But like, you have to respect that somebody like, they haven't heard from you. They're getting kind of blindsided by this. They're allowed.

You've probably been thinking about this for weeks. They have not thought about once. I love that you said that. So, like, you've got to give people a bit of time. That isn't mean that it's like over forever. It just means like give somebody a minute. Yeah. And then I think if you're going to enter back into this relationship, also take it slow.

It's hard. It's so much easier said than done. But I think jumping back into all your old ways, your old traditions, your old habits isn't super healthy. Like again, it's a, it's the sequel. It's a new start. So taking it slower, feeling each other out, maybe even creating new things that you didn't do before. So you're not just like replaying the exact same. relationship. I like that idea.

And maybe like don't introduce like friends to the mix. Okay. I want to talk to you about it in terms of how to tell people you're getting back together. How to tell people and also how much it plays a role in the decision to do it. Like again, to do it or not do it? Yeah. Like always follow your heart. You know, I think that if you really are meant to be with somebody and your whole

and all your family and friends disapprove, I don't know what to tell you. But like, do you think that's a factor? So I have a bunch of feelings about this. Thank you for asking. So first of all, like a girlfriend in mine was telling me the other day we were taking a drive and she was talking to me about her ex that I don't know that I've never met. She was like, he was the love of my life

if we got back together. If he wanted to get back together, I would tomorrow. And my first question to her was because she is a sister that I'm good friends with too. I was like, what would your sister say if she was in the car and you said this? Because I don't know this person. And she was like, she hates him. She despises him. She thinks he's a fucking asshole. And I was like, okay,

it's like maybe that's something to think about. And like, I, if you really feel like this was the love of my life, I wouldn't not get back together because your sister or your parents don't like the person, but I would first of all evaluate like, were they correct? Were they seeing things I couldn't see? Because I'm in the relationship and I love this person. Um, was, were those person's views of my relationship colored by the fact that I probably overshared and wasn't necessarily telling a fair story or something like that? Or, you know what I mean? Like sometimes you just share and share and share all the fights and and people have to hate the person.

Right. But like, and then I would have a pretty clear answer for like why I feel like the person has changed and we're getting back together. And I would stick with that. Like, I would be really confident that, like, I'm telling you this is happening. I'm not asking your permission. I'm telling you this is what I'm doing. Right.

So those are all my thoughts and feelings. Yeah. That's get that shit together up top. Like, get it together beforehand. Like, be prepared to answer those questions. You know, I had to do that with an ex of mine. Like, we'd broken up. and my family was like very soured by the experience.

And then we got back together and I wanted to come to the house. And I had to like have a talk with my dad. It was really uncomfortable of like how we'd worked things out, why he did the things he did. You know, and luckily my dad was like cool with it in the end. But had a few more things happened that were bad, I don't know how my parents would have reacted. So a lot of this too is I think most people,

most rational people know that people can change. So if your ex was this terrible person, I mean, it just depends on how terrible. Like, did they really ruin your life? Like, cheating. Or were you just, like, fighting a lot? You know, like, most people know that people grow up and change. Like, if you were with this person years ago

and your family and friends didn't think they were good for you, like, they should maybe want to give them the benefit of the doubt. I remember sitting in that restaurant with my ex and thinking, like, I love this person. It feels so like a home. and I started thinking like, I mean, we'd been together from us out of alcohol. It was like all of the alcohol. I had five cups of alcohol.

I was so nervous. I remember thinking like, if we go back together tomorrow, like, how would I explain this to my family? And like, I would explain it to my family that we were children when we got engaged. And he was three years younger than me. I was young. I was 27 and he was 24. Like, this is a person that is now an adult, man, he's 30 years old sitting in front of me. He's just a different person.

Like, I don't like what he did. I hate what he did. But, like, I understand. understand what he did today because like I think he could have gone to therapy and I don't think that he doesn't feel bad about what he did to me. I think he needed therapy for how he handled what he did to me. But like, right. I would have no problem saying to my family like this is a different person now. It's an adult man now. Right. It's different. And sticking to it, I'm not, I mean, also I'm an adult. I don't need your advice. Right. Yeah. I don't need your seal of approval today,

but you're, I'm going to do this thing and you're just going to have to wait and see how it pans out. And hopefully you are hoping for the best like we both are. And thank you for your love and support. Like, I know that you're only mad at me about this because you love and support me. But also, also, just let me do it. Yeah. Also, another thing, too, to piggyback off taking it slow is, like, setting boundaries. Because I think you're in this loving relationship, there really weren't a lot of boundaries. Like, you can draw them up for the sequel, I think.

You know, and I think some people can get offended where they're like, but wait, we always used to spend the entire weekend together. Like, I always used to come over to your place on Friday and not leave till Sunday. And it's like, well, maybe we are going to try. differently, citizens that didn't work before. Well, yeah, sometimes we need, like, some boundaries. Right. That's fine. I also don't think, like, you should expect day one to, like, be back where you guys were. It's uncomfortable getting back together with somebody. You are, like, retesting the boundaries, and that person is different than they were.

And you do have to rebuild trust. We need to revisit cheating down the road, because I know that a lot of you guys are like, but he cheated. Like, it's, like, it's kind of a separate topic. Like, again, like I said, again, like, you have to figure out how to trust the person. again and they have to be able to prove it to you. If they're the one that cheated, they should be stopping at nothing to help you gain their trust on the round two. But like I said before, you have to enter into that relationship having forgiven them. However, you reconcile that on your own or with the help of others, you just can't enter into it with a bunch of resentment

or anger because it won't work. Cheating to me is like the outlier here. Like, I mean, there's a million ways people cheat. I mean, I think people like fall in love and have long-term affairs. I think people just like, fuck a whole bunch of people behind your back on purpose. Those are terrible people. Never get back together with those people. I think people make one mistake and tell you about it and repent for it. But yes, cheating to me is a whole separate thing with a whole set of therapy. You've got to go to. Yeah. Therapy. And again, like Esther Perel, who has been big leagueness for literally two and a half years. She's kind of the expert on that. So read up on her. Yeah. I have been emailing her for two and a half years.

Every six months, I'm like, Buzz Buzz, it's me. You do? Are we important enough for you yet? Nope. I saw her do another podcast here, and I was like, we are way more important than those girls. But okay, it's fine. I've just been telling everybody that she's my emotional support hero for two and a half years,

but it's fine. Do you want to touch on this for one second? This is also different to me than those couples that just like break up and get back together a thousand times. Right. Like, that's just like a crazy, volatile, like you're an outlier also in this situation. I mean people that have really taken some distance in time to think about this. Like if you're just breaking up, getting back together all the time and your family's like,

fuck this. It's a mess. I'm on your family side. Yeah, I did it for a whole year. And it was like there was never, but there was never time and space. Like I maybe, I don't even know if 48 hours went by when we didn't talk to each other. I don't know if three, four days went by where we didn't see each other. Like it was a fucking mess.

No one knew if we were together or not. Like that's definitely all we're talking about. But again, you could have one of those really messy relationships and perhaps, five years later, you get back together and it works out. I mean, whatever, probably not, but maybe, you know. I think you can. I think people just grow up for sure. Like, I just don't think that, like, I think that a 24-year-old, 25-year-old man is a man,

but you're like not really a grown-up the way that like, I mean, whatever, boys. Men are always little boys. But like, I just think it's different when you're 30, 31, 32, you've been living in the world a little longer. There's no substitute for life experience. Right. And again, like, I support the, like, the exes reuniting. I love it if it's like the person, I don't know,

if it was like your high school sweetheart or your college sweetheart, even somebody you dated in your 20s, 30s, and like something happened and then you come back together. I don't know. We all love stories like that. I'm for it. I don't, I would do it. I'm for it.

I mean, there's exes that I've, well, no. But again, run to that checklist first up top. I can't. We're not always for it. Are there any exes you're getting back together with? Same. There's none for me. Well, no.

I think there's none. I think there's none. Like I was dating before the pandemic. Yeah, but I'll try to fuck him again. You could definitely fuck him again. He's cute. That's the plan. Also, there was nothing terrible that went wrong.

Well, he's also not my ex. Right. They're really terrible that went wrong either. There's nobody that I can think of since I dated as an adult that like circumstantially, anything's changing. Like I dated somebody that wanted something very different in life than I did. I dated somebody that wanted to live in a different place than I did. Those things aren't like changing.

Yeah. So we're not doing it. Yeah, we're not. So listen. We're not doing it. But you can. But you can. Live your truth.

But we're not. All my exes are married. We all know every single one is married or engaged because they dated me. Zero of mine are. What does that say? Must be nice. They're still pining for you. They're still waiting for me.

Well, I'm sorry, I would like to officially make the announcement that we are never getting back together. We are never, ever, ever getting back together. All right. Should we wrap this up? Yes. I feel good about this. So we have one more fun segment for you guys. Yes, we are mixing it up this week.

We're having our guests at the end for a special segment that we're calling Summer Reads. It sounds so naughty, but that is just what it is. Summer Reads. We have, well, I'll let me introduce them, but we are, we have some of our friends in the house studio and they're going to talk about some books. We know you guys love to read, some of you. And you always ask us for book recommendations. we've given a few, but they are the pros. So they're going to do that today.

And Raina, I know you love to introduce our guest, so you can introduce them. I'm excited because we've been on their show. We've been wanting to have them on. So we always play some ridiculous game segment at the end, and now we're doing a classy game segment with you guys where we recommend books. So we have our really good friends.

They are the co-hosts of Bad on Paper podcast. So we have Grace Hatwood and Becca Freeman. They're so phenomenal. We're going to let them explain a little bit more about their show and what they do. Grace is the most dangerous person to drink with. Maybe in America. I will explain further.

So please welcome to the show, Grace and Becca. I want to know why I'm so dangerous. I have that experience too. You and I met, our first day was at Soho House. And I mean, we kept up with each other. I think we both had eight tequila sodas. I just stumbled home. The problem I have when I'm having fun is that I,

first of all, you can't tell when I'm drunk. Like I hold myself together really well. Secondly, like, if I like you and I want to be your friend, I don't stop. So when we were at Soho House, like, we just kept drinking. Like, I think we met at like 3 p.m. And I feel like the next day you were like, how are you so sober? And I was like, no, like, I went home and threw up. Like, I was sick.

Grace, I came over to your house together. This is why you're the most dangerous person in America to drink. I came over your house the other night and we were going to go out for a drink. It's Saturday night. It's like 6.30 p.m. I'm like, do you want to go to a bar? And you were like, well, I open this bottle of a bottle of. wine. Maybe let's, let's just finish it. I don't want you to go waste. It's a full bottle of wine.

Grace pours me a glass and I'm like, okay, I finish the glass. I'm like, we're just going to go. And Grace is like, well, there's just like a little laugh on it. You just finish it. So I'm two and a half glasses deep before we walk out the door. And Grace, you're right, you have, there's no indication that you're drunk ever. So we go out to a bar. We have two drinks and Grace's like, let's just have another drink. I'm five and a half drinks in at this point. Grace convinces me to buy a Chanel bag because I'm blacked out of this bar. Grace is like, I think this is a good idea. So I woke up with a Chanel bag.

The next day, sorry, we went back to Grace's house. She pours two more glass of one. My body is at the point where it cannot accept any more alcohol. Do you ever get like that? And I know, maybe it's just me because I'm like two feet tall. I woke up, I was sick for two days. Grace was completely fine. I was socially starved.

I didn't want you to leave. That's what it is. I want to hear Becca's take on it as you guys are like best friends. But I just have to say, I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I think Grace's general demeanor is like a little buzzed. So like I think she's like this happy, like just chill, relaxed. Like she always seems like she's had a few drinks in a great way. Like she's like.

Even when I'm sober. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Your general sober demeanor is like a fun buzz. So then when you start drinking, nothing changes. I'm honestly wondering what this says about me that I don't think Grace is that dangerous. And I'm like, am I part of the problem? Yes. Maybe you're the enabler.

Well, I've had readers ask me in my stories and my DMs if I've been drinking and I'm like, no. Like I'm totally sober. That's a thing you can never tell. That's dangerous. Well, why don't you guys tell us like a little bit more about you each individually? And then when you guys can talk about how you start the podcast? I feel like I'm on a first date now. Like the minute somebody asks me to tell them about myself, I'm like, I don't know.

What are your hobbies? No, just kidding. I don't have any hobbies. She likes to knit. I do like to knit. I'm a Virgo. Okay. Big Virgo energy.

Okay. I can see it. So Grace, I have a podcast. It's called Bad on Paper. We have a monthly book club. So I think that's why we're here for this classy segment called Summer Reads. Yeah. And we also have guests on our podcast and sometimes we just shoot the shit.

And sometimes we are drunk on our podcast, but not like heavily. Just a little. Just sometimes if it's Friday and we're recording, we have a glass or tea. We drank. And also, you guys. when we came to do yours, you had the best like cheese and meat board, remember that? No one's ever treated us so well.

Grace wanted to impress you. She wanted to catfish you. It was like, I was like, I wouldn't be friends with them. And it worked. I did. Yeah, so our podcast has a monthly book club. We talk about kind of just like our interests, our obsessions, the people that we like,

the things we like following on Instagram. It's just kind of like women's lifestyle. It's like a chat show. Yeah. Yeah, the two of us chatting. And then we have guests on that we want to catfish into being our friends, is literally the main purpose of our guest segments.

I'm going to hype you guys right now. You have had Cindy Crawford on. You have had Stacey Abrams on. You have had Eva Chen, who was the one male author that Graham Norton came on. Graham Norton. Yeah. And then you guys have this amazing episode, how to ask for more money at work, right? Yeah. I did. Yeah. I told you. We're just trying to catfish all those people into being our friends. Mixed results. Yeah. It's sort of like us, but I invite people on so I can sleep with them. Yeah. You guys do a really great job of that too. I'm very envious of like the, of like the friendships

you guys are able to build. You're very good planners. You're very good at like deciding to be friends with people making plans and then making it happen. Well, we're honestly terrible at sleeping with our guests. So everyone has their strengths. Most of them are women. You guys didn't try to sleep with us, but you did wine and dynas. But you guys are here to tell us some summer wrecks. We're very excited. Have you guys always been reading enthusiasts? Oh yeah. I've been a reading enthusiast since I was like a kid. I was an only child. And my mom was like, read some books. Shut up for a little while. All I did was read. My mom was a librarian. So it's like, all I did was like I'd have a book. And then within like, you know, at the second I finished a book,

start another book. I always had a book in the car. Like everywhere, I always had a book with me. I was like obsessed with reading. What was your favorite childhood like book or series? I mean, I just was a huge Judy Blume fan. So like forever and are you there, God? And there's one called Dini that I feel like was kind of under the radar. And just as long as we're together, that was probably my favorite. And I I think I read it like five times. And also I did read The Babysitters Club and I just started watching on Netflix. I want to watch that. I was just wondering because I feel like some of the books that we read when we were kids

hold up and some strongly do not. Okay, did you guys fuck with Sweet Valley High? It does not hold up. It does not hold up. Do you remember that? It's so problematic now. It is. We went on another podcast to talk about that book and so we got to read it.

I was like, oh, I'm so excited. And it was so bad. Like, every guy was either like a rapist or a football player. I don't remember it. Everything was like about the girl's looks and about their perfect size four figures. Like, it was so problem. Problem out. Problem X is a good word for it.

Do you remember when we read them when we were kids? You were either Elizabeth or a Jessica. Like you wanted to be one or the other. There's one like nerdy. One's like really cool. Remind me. Yes. Really young.

However, however I read that. One of them is like a sociopath. Like she's not actually cool. She's like a little unhinged. And the other one is the most boring person on the, on earth. Like, there's not a good answer. All right. Well, I feel like goosebumps held up, and that was my other series I loved.

So I'm with Raina. I was definitely in the goosebumps one, and I think about the one where if you took a picture, the camera stole your soul. I think about that every time a picture is taken of me. I swear to God. Oh my God. Which is like, wow, hope it doesn't steal my soul. I also think about Bloody Mary

every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the day. Wait, is that very scary stories? No, that's just like a sleepover game. Where like, do you remember where you like said Bloody Mary three times into a mirror? And then she would come. But the scary, the very scary stories to tell in the dark, that fucking book. Do you remember that book? And they made a movie. It was a scary book. I think they made a movie recently. I think it was like last summer the summer before. That book is terrifying. There was a one about the girl and she had the ribbon around her neck and she took

the ribbon off in her head fell. Yeah. I remember that. Yeah. So I could read really well. And my best friend Corey, who was also in the neighborhood. She was a year younger than me. I mean, this one, this was when I was maybe like six, seven years old. So like she would come over and I would build a fort and make it really dark and then read her these stories and she would go home traumatized and her mom and her mom would be like what happened at the Heseltine's house. Like I was just like come over. I'm going to read to you. Nothing like abusing your reading level to traumatize your friends. Exactly. Reading as a weapon. Okay, well let's get into you guys's picks. Grace, do you want to start? Okay, so my first one is going to be Save Me the Plums by Ruth

Reichel and it's a memoir. So originally I wanted to talk about the Chaffan trenches, but Raina had already talked about that. But I'm a big Ruth Rachel fan. So am I saying her name right? Reichel. I think it's Reichel, but I'm a big fan of her. So I'm glad that you subbed her and also a journalist just like Andre Leont-Talley. Yeah, any book that's like a memoir about working in magazines I am obsessed with. And this was about food and magazines. So she was the editor-in-chief of Gourmet Magazine like during Condé Nass Hayday. So it was just, you know, know, there was just so much money and glamour in working in magazines. And when I was younger, I always dreamed about working for a magazine. Um, so I loved hearing all of her stories about

working for gourmet and her stories about she spilled so much tea about Condé Nast and like the whole, um, family that ran it. And it was just fascinating and such a great book. I love that too, because I feel like didn't we all, I mean, I did work in a magazine at one point, but wasn't that all of our dream at some point to like work at a magazine like from the movies you were goal. Like 13 going on 30 sold it so hard. Yeah or how to lose a guy. How to lose a guy in 10 days. Yeah. So no one ever told me those people made $30,000 a year. I know. I mean, same. Like no one ever told me that like I wouldn't be able to eat, but like it would look really cool like to other people on social media. Like did I ever tell you guys that growing up? No. I wanted to do so badly and then I got to

Newark and I was like, oh, like I literally can't do this. Yeah. That's why I'd get jobs in restaurants. so I could feed myself a family meal every day. Okay. What's your pick? Okay. So my first one is one to watch by Kate Stamen, London. So it just came out today. I'm pissed that you took it.

I wanted to talk about that. And she's like, I'm going to talk about this. I was like, fine. So it's a contemporary romance about a plus size fashion blogger who gets drunk, tells off The Bachelor on her blog. And then, well, not The Bachelor, but like a fake reality. TV dating franchise. And then they approach her and ask her to be the Bachelorette.

Oh, wow. So she goes on the show, and at first she's totally like, I'm just doing this to like amplify my platform and to like be famous. And then she like gets sucked into this. And so, you know, it's like the whole Bachelor thing. Like she has all these guys competing for her. And it like whittles down. And, you know, she has to decide which one she wants to be with.

And it's also about there's a lot about like her mental. state of like feeling worthy of love and it's not just like I'm a perfect person and I'm like you know here's 25 other perfect people and I'm just going to choose the hottest one like it's a lot more thoughtful than that but it's so soapy it's so good I like read it in a day I was so addicted to it I also think it's important that you know I have never watched an episode of The Bachelor and I loved this book okay that's great to know not because I'm above the Bachelor I don't watch any reality TV because I think if I watched one I'd watch them all and then I would just like stay in my house.

It's like doing drugs. Yeah. I love that you don't like reality TV because Ashley doesn't really watch a ton of it either. And we always joke like which one is the Raina and which one is the Ashley. And Becca, we've always decided that you're the Ashley. I think that's great. And I love that you don't like reality TV because you're the Ashley. It tracks.

It tracks. Do you guys, what I was asked before is like, do you have like a theory for like how many fiction versus nonfiction things you guys like to or do you not think about that at all? You're just like what I like. I almost never read nonfiction. I am a serial nonfiction abandoner. Like I think that I'm going to read it and then I read three chapters and like, this is great. And then it becomes a coaster on my bedside table.

So I'm like, I'm a really bad nonfiction reader. So when I recommend nonfiction, I have one nonfiction wreck for you today, like I feel like it should say a lot because I'm terrible at reading nonfiction. Because you're not the raina. I only read nonfiction. Oh wow. Yeah. This theory holds up.

I read a lot of fiction though, but I read more nonfiction than Becca. It's true. Yeah. Now we're all confused. Okay. Okay, my next pick is called The Last Flight. And so my preferred reading genre is O is Murder. Like, I love books.

Yeah, you guys are very similar. I love murder, which is like, because I'm very nice in real life and like I would never murder anyone. But I like love. That's what she wants you to think. I love books about murder or thrillers. That's what I're true crime. So my pick for this is the last flight. There's no murder in it.

but it does involve domestic abuse and two women that switch places and a flight, a plane that crashes. And it's very, very... Just so you know, that's when a trigger warning, that's like an endorsement in Grace's book. It's also a trigger warning. I did when I reviewed it on my blog. I put trigger warning. So I do do do that now because I've really like heavily recommended some pretty upsetting books.

Oh my God. You are like retramatizing people. I've been told in my DMs that I need to. Be better with providing trigger warning, so I always do now. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, that's good. But this book is excellent.

It's one of those books that just kept me up all night long. I needed to know what happened. Like, I think I stayed up until 4 in the morning reading it, which is another, like, big thing for me. Like, I'm definitely a night person. And if I love a book, I will stay up all night reading it. Great. Oh, and the last flight is by Julie Clark. Okay.

I've heard this is really good. I want to read it, and I'm not really a thriller person. Okay. What's next? Becca. Okay. So the nonfiction book that I brought for you is Big Friendship by Aminatu So and Anne Friedman, who are the hosts of Call Your Girlfriend. And they wrote this book. It's a nonfiction book about female friendship and also about their friendship. And I don't know why I thought this, but for some reason, I thought that it was going to be like a coffee table book of like platitudes

about friendship and them wearing flowy dresses. Like, I do not know why I thought that. Are they, did they take turns like in the chapters? No. So what it is, and somebody sent it to me. And so then I got it and I was like, oh, this is not a coffee table book about friendship. And so then I was very curious. So I started reading it because their podcast hosts, I like their podcast. It is so interviewing them tomorrow and I haven't even opened the book yet. Don't admit that. Yeah, but you'll read it in a day. I've noticed all the flexes. Well, I read it in a day. I'm going to read it. Well, that's a compliment. I mean, it's a compliment. Is it a compliment or

it that I have no life. Or you're a speed reader. I read fast. Or it's like you shirk all your responsibilities because the book is so good. Yeah. No, it is a totally compliment to the book. I just think it's funny. I read it in a day. Sorry, you're a slow reader, but I'm not. No, it's more like, sorry, I have no life. So the book is a narrative about their friendship and it's written in one voice, which is also very interesting because I do not know how they wrote it, but they must have had to

sit down and hash through all the moments of their friendship to come to like an aligned narrative. And the other thing is that they also are not, I mean, it's kind of spilling tea. Like they talk about the moments where their friendship wasn't great too. Like it's not just like, we have this aspirational friendship. We're great friends. Look at us. They also talk about like the bumps that they've hit in their friendship. It's an interracial friendship. So there's a really interesting element about that. They like live in different cities. So they've had a long distance friendship. And so it's the narrative of their friendship. But then it's also interwoven with like academic research or social research about female

friendship in general. I love this. It's so good. And the other thing is just in general, Grace and I have talked a lot about this at our live shows, but I feel like societally we celebrate romantic love and familial love. We talk about all these relationships so far and above female friendship. And like at least for me, like right now as a single woman in my 30s, like my female friendships are the most important relationships that I have in my life.

Yeah, I love it. Yeah, I think that, like, obviously, romantic relationship's a little different. Like, you're not going to sleep in a bed with that person every night. You can't smooth it over with things like romance. And so, like, you're in business with the person. It's very, very different. I think that'd be great. It's so interesting.

Okay. All right, so that's just coming out. It came out also today. So it'll be. Okay, I got to say, so Ashley had the foresaid to ask you guys ahead of time, what are your recommendations for the summer? And Grace shot that text back to us in two seconds. And I thought maybe you guys had written this summer reading list like two months ago.

These are brand new books. How did you do that? You could say three shows off the top of your head right now. That's a good point. I have a good point. Okay. All right. I was like, that was crazy.

I mean, you shot it back to us. I mean, you are, that's a good point. You're an expert at this. So you shot it back in like one second. A lot of times we get things in advance. So it's not like it's just we went out and bought all these books today and read them. We get told when things are coming out. Oh, good point.

You recommended the No Filter Instagram book also, which you got ahead of time. Oh, yeah, I gave it to Jeremy and then he gave it to you. Yes. Actually, there's a lot of like intermix between all of us. So former guests of ours, Kate Kennedy is a friend of yours and Katie Sterino as a friend of yours. And you went on a date with Jeremy Jacobowitz. I didn't know as a date. And we're all made out.

And we're all really good friends. Like you and Jeremy are the only people. You're the only people I saw throughout the people. I saw throughout the pandemic. Yeah. The two of you. Am I giving a... Yeah, please.

She's like, please stop talking about this. You said you offered that you made out with him. I just said date. And Jeremy was like, man, that girl drinks a lot. That is what he told me about you. He was like you will never be able to keep up with her. Yeah. Okay, what's your final book?

My final book is The Vanishing Half by Britt Bennett. Best book I've read all year. Cindy Hustletimes reading it too as we speak. I almost brought it to you, but we have to take a picture of it because it's our July book. No, I got it from my mom and she'll probably read it in a day too. So I'll get it from her in a couple days. So this book is about two sisters. They're black.

They're growing up in a small community in Louisiana. And they're 16 years old and they run away together. And from there, their lives just go in complete different directions. They're both very light-skinned. So one of them goes on to pass as white. She marries, this other man tells him that, like, her whole family is dead. So, like, basically lives a lie. He never tells him that she is actually black.

There's all this racism that happens. Like, a black family tries to move into their neighborhood. It's crazy what happens. And then the other one, Mary is, like, the darkest man she can find. Then he ends up being abusive. she moves home to the small town with her daughter, and her daughter is also very dark-skinned. So then the book follows not only the two women,

but their daughters, and all the way from the 50s into the 90s. And the daughter's stories actually intersects, because one of them, the dark-skinned daughter knows all about the light-skinned daughter, and so she tries to find her. And it's such a powerful book. There's so much in there about,

race, but there's so much in there about family and relationships. There's a transsexual character in there as well. I couldn't put it down. I found it so moving. Far and away, this is the best book I've read all year. And again, it's our July book club pick. So you guys should read it. Also, this book just got sold to HBO in a 17-person bidding war. Wow. It's wild. She's written another book called The Mothers, and I just ordered that.

This sounds like an incredible show to watch. And what's your last pack back? So I didn't realize how similar are these were going to sound. So my last one is Homegoing by Yajossi. I just started it because Becca gave it to me. It's so good. So in the beginning of June,

we did an episode where it was our favorite books by Black authors. And we also had all of our past podcast guests call in and leave voice memos about- You guys didn't leave voice notes. Who did even know about it? Were we invited to? She sent an email and a follow-up email and maybe a text. I don't know.

It's a weird time. I don't even remember. I'm sorry. I'm totally getting it's fine. It's okay. I just wanted to give you guys shit. So one of the books that got recommended in that episode by one of our friends, Erica Cirulo, who has a podcast called A Thing or Two, was this book Homegoing by Yad Jossi.

And I actually already owned it. It's a few years old and it had a ton of hype when it came out, but it's more literary. And for some reason in my head, I thought it was going to be a little bit of a slog. Like it was going to be a hard, sad book. so I had been putting it off. So I do that too. Because all of the books were so back ordered that I ordered off of that episode, I was like, well, let me start this one. It is so good.

Oh. So it's also about two sisters. And they don't know each other. And it's in the late 1700s in what is present day Ghana. And one of the sisters marries a British colonialist who's in the Gold Coast. and the other sister gets sold into slavery. And it then follows six generations of their descendants. So each chapter alternates between one of their descendants,

and it goes from the late 1700s to the late 1900s following the descendants of these two lines of these families. Through slavery, through post-slavery America, through segregation, like, et cetera. It is so good. Oh, my gosh. It sounds so great. Yeah, those do sound similar.

They do sound similar. They do sound similar. really interesting, great reads. And I thought it was going to be so serious. I had to take it away from myself and be like, you have to go to bed now. I didn't want to put it down. Okay, so we love your picks. Why don't you each say the three that you had?

And then we're going to do an Instagram story for you guys as well because we know that maybe you weren't taking notes. You don't have your pen of paper. You're driving, whatever. And you want to know these picks. We want to make it easy for you. So we'll do one last recap. Just say like the titles and authors.

Okay. So my first one was one to watch, which is The Bachelor one by Kate Sting. in London. The second one is Big Friendship by Aminatu So and Anne Friedman. Then the third one is Homegoing by Ya Jossi. Perfect. And mine are Save Me the Plums by Ruth Reichel,

the last flight by Julie Clark, and The Vanishing Half by Britt Bennett. Amazing. Okay, we will, that was a great idea. We will definitely put it on our Instagram story. I know people are going to ask. But I know people are going to want to be able to find you guys. So in addition to being business partners, Becca, you have a super popular secondary podcast

and Grace is an amazing blogger. you have a great website. Yeah, you're like the original blogger, which you told me about our first date, we went to an art show. You mean, Oh, that was fun. It was fun.

So tell people, like, everywhere they can find you, Instagram handles, if there's a place where you recap the books, the podcast, all that. Yeah, so our podcast together is Bad on Paper, and you can follow us on Instagram at Bad on Paper podcast, and that will have all the past book club picks that we've done.

And then I'm on Instagram at Becca M. Freeman. And you can see, I do a monthly post of everything I've read that month. And then I also have another podcast called Romcom pods, which is a fiction podcast, which is kind of like an audio book on steroids with actors and sound design. And it's in its first season. And it's like a little fun rom-com. Which you're being modest.

You co-wrote this and it was like out of the gate, huge success. Ah! I know. We're like your hype girls over here. We're like, you guys don't understand. This is a huge fucking deal. Grace is the original blogger. I'm not.

The original rom-com podcaster. No, I mean, I know. I love this. I'm going to come here every day. You're not going to be able to get rid of me between like the hype and doing. Yeah, just say nice things about us. Yeah, of course. Well, Grace, you want to plug your stuff?

My Instagram is at Grace Atwood. And then I have a blog. It's called The Stripe.com. And I still blog every single day. One thing that you guys might be interested in is I have a page on my blog called, it's my reading list page. And it's just the stripe.com slash reads. And on there, you can find every book I've read for the past five years.

So there's a lot. And then you can fill it. are based on grade because I give every book a grade. And there's also filters for like if you want to find a murder book, if you want to find a romance book. So it's a really good resource. And do you want to talk about your cat? Oh, I have a beautiful Persian cat. Do you want to be here for another day?

No, okay, listen, I came out as maybe a cat person pretty recently. You came out? I don't talk about it a lot. My cat does that to people. And I actually like like your cat. I'm not terrified of your cat. You know why I'm not a cat person is because I am terrible. of cats and I'm not terrified

of your cat. But also because your cat is so big you see it coming from a mile away. Yeah, like it can't jump up and scare you. I think that's why I like it so much. Well, he's also terrified of people. So he's monopolizing the fear in that relationship. He likes you. Yeah. Thank you so much. You guys, thank you so much

for coming. Oh my God. Thank you for having us. This was a blast. This was so much fun. Obviously, we're going to pour some teal it out. No. Well, you guys know where to find us. Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram. Ash Hess, reina. at Greenberg on Instagram, girls underscore got to eat on Twitter

and YouTube.com slash Girls Gotta Eat. And we will see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.