Girls Gotta Eat - Signs You're a Rebound

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

We've all had a rebound, been a rebound, and wondered if a rebound relationship would last. In this episode, we're discussing the telltale signs for knowing you're a rebound and what to do about it, plus sharing our own experiences. We're also deep diving on Selling Sunset, plus revealing where Rayna has secretly been spending all her time and Ashley's latest investment. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. **Get tickets to our Holiday Spectacular Livestream HERE!* Thank you to our partners this week: Uqora: Get proactive about urinary tract health and 20% off at uquora.com/gge. Native: Get 20% off your first purchase at nativedeo.com/gge or with promo code GGE. HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/gge14 + code GGE14 for up to 14 free meals and 3 free gifts. Hello Tushy: Get 10% off + free shipping at hellotushy.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And if they bring up that they didn't have sex with their ex, it's like they're kind of trying to make up for lost time or something like that, which, again, if you're looking for that, hit me up. Another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back, December, big month. Am I okay? I don't know. I looked outside and it's dark.

It is a big month. I'm so excited about holiday shows. Our holiday show was last night. Yes. If you guys came, I mean, how are you feeling? You're so lucky. You're so lucky. I'm sure everyone is recovering.

As are we? I'm about to quit this job. You are? I told you today, I can't live like this anymore. We're too busy. I'm moving to Dewey. I told you you can move to Florida and live on a fucking pontoon boat with that guy I hate. I'm done.

I'm at the end of my rope. And I said you can't live on a pontoon boat and you were like, I'm sure he'll figure it out. I'm sure you meant that's a ding. That's the only type of houseboat he could afford and you know it. And I was like, oh, she gave him a compliment. And I'm sure it was a ding now. Someone out there lives on a pontoon boat. I could see him living on that pontoon boat.

We took out that one time. That cost $100 for the day. Was rusted. Wasn't supposed to be. Was not street legal. Was not ocean legal. It's because he's dangerous. And we kept our clothes on because we didn't want our bodies to touch the seats.

I told him I'm going to buy us a yacht one day. I'm going down to Florida this month. So anyway, this is the last episode of the podcast. We're super tired. Guys, we're launching a new company. We're tired. You'll see. You'll see.

Anyway. It's been a lot. Okay. I know you're all waking up today. You're all looking at our Instagram stories thinking, damn, that show looks so fly. I wish I could have been there. Now you can.

Hey! We have live streamed this for you. We recorded it. It is amazing. I'm sure. And you guys can buy. Tickets, you will be able to actually watch the entire holiday show. It's so fucking cool with all of the special guests.

All things we did great performances starting this Saturday night, December 11th, at 7 p.m. Eastern Time. Get your friends together. You guys joined us when we were shooting shows in my kitchen from a webcam. So let me just make it clear that we had a full production company. It's production value. Full team of people making this happen. it's high level, it's high end.

It's not us in the kitchen like it was last. With a party CD backdrop, I taped up to a poll 10 minutes before we went live. But listen, we had such a blast, but I just want everybody to be clear because they're like, damn, I tuned in last year for that show

and it was a little dusty, a little low budget. A little low budge. That's my dad goes, so it'll be better than Ashley's kitchen. And I was like, this show was fucking awesome. Listen, we made a lot of money

from the kitchen. Yeah. But it's like, this is the real deal. It should feel like a special, like different angles. goals. We've never done anything like this before. This is truly our holiday special, like if you were to watch it on Netflix or whatever. So GirlsGuddyp Podcast.com and you're going to be taken to a site that is Moment House.

Shout out to Moment House. They're the ones that make this happen for us. And we hope you guys enjoy. Yeah. And while you're on the website at GirlsGuddypogist.com, go ahead check out the other shows. There's some other tickets left. It's a couple left in D.C., L.A., Portland. Portland, you're doing a good job, but you can be doing better. And then we are probably like two weeks away from releasing tickets in Pittsburgh, Detroit, Indianapolis, Toronto, St. Louis and Kansas City. So we are working on it. We're almost there. And then if you are listening the week of the show, we will see you guys in Chicago on Friday.

We are so excited. Again, feel free to dress up. Do your sexy Santa, whatever you guys want to do. Elves, Mrs. Claus, Mr. Claus, we don't fucking care. And single guys in the audience, if you are coming. with one or some of them or you are a single guy and you're listening to this and you want to shoot your shot, let us know. Email us or email us actually because the DMs. Emails or email us. Spotify put out there unwrapped and my DMs are unmanageable. I had a friend, my friend Jackie,

who like messaged me about this workout class. I was like, you girl, you got to text me because the DMs are on fire. I mean, I love it though, because I've never seen us get tagged in so many things as the Spotify unwrapped. Yeah, it's so fun. Unwrapped. Okay. No, it's wrapped. Sorry, it's Spotify. I got if I wrap it. Why am I trying to unwrap it? Because it's like your year unwrapped. It's wrapped. It's not like what I said. It's wrapped. I checked it this morning. How do I keep doing this?

Because you're like unwrapping your year. I did it last year too. You did? I had to like take down a slide. Because I kept writing an unwrapped. Like a present? Why? They've wrapped the year.

You know what I mean? They're unwrapping like a present. Hand? Hand. Someone was like you should have gotten harder on Ashley. I'm like, no. You know, yeah, someone tweeted about last week. They were like,

Raina really didn't let Ashley have it on the panned thing. Some dusty man wrote that. Also, in Ashley's defense, I am generally wrong about most of the words that I do. No, you could. Yeah. But email us. If you're a single guy and you want to get fucked, I'm kidding. But not.

Yeah. And Bill Greenberg will be at the show, my dad. So if you're a single mom and you want to get fucked. I love that. Bill Greenberg will be there for two nights. nights only in Chicago. He's pretty grumpy and he's having some back problems. So if that sounds like you're kind of guy.

If you want a guy that's got pain pills on his person, that's your guy. I'm kidding. We're trying to keep him away from the opioids. Yeah. Not because he's like a day, just in general. That's how it starts. We don't believe in opioids. Well, sometimes you need it.

Okay. This is the road. We don't want to go down. Stories at girls got eapoddypod.com. Email us. Oh, yeah. And then merch, Girls'Geddy Podcast.

Shop. Tag us when you get it. Merch is a journey. And then everything else is on our website, all the episodes we've ever done. So like we said, you can search it for,

I'm sad about holiday stuff. I hate my family. I'm single. Whatever. It's all there. We've done an episode on it. It's there. Yes.

I'm having a great week. I'll tell you why. Aside from the fact that we've worked 12 hours a day, the last nine days this week. I have no plans this week. So this is like one of, this is like a very,

like Ashley's friend of rain. Wait, hold on this week that we're recording this or like the week, like what week? This full week through recording like right this minute in my life. You're free. I have no plans for every single night this week and it has been amazing. You and I are just the opposite. It is my dream to have no plans. I want no plans. I want to go vacation and have no plans. I want to be in New York and have no plans. If I look at my social calendar, I don't think I've had zero things to do ever. This is my dream week. Every day I've gone home from work and just being alone. It's amazing.

You love to go on vacation. You like to have a reservation every single night. You like know exactly what we're doing. You want to plans and stuff to do. I am the opposite. Like you have to force me to do it. You want to do nothing. Yes.

Not want to do stuff, but I want to make game time decisions and I don't want to be held hostage to anything, which doesn't always work out for me at vacation. So are you making plans this week? No, you're just, you're thrilled. Couldn't be happy.

What are you doing in your home? I'm watching TV. Talking to that fucking guy on the phone, aren't you? You were having phone sex with that guy. from his pontoon. I haven't talked to him like two weeks. I'm going down to Florida though

in a couple weeks. To stay with Melanie. We'll stay. But this will be the first vacation I've taken about you in a while. But yeah, I don't want plans. I got a massage last night

from a nice older gentleman named. Hold on a second. Raina has been getting and like, you know what? We're going to talk about this. We're going to talk about this. We went to a spa that will remain nameless.

We both got massages. And after the massages, we were like, we're done with massages. First of all, I'm not a big massage person. Yeah. I just doesn't like to be touched. I like, they go, they've gone badly a lot of times where I'm like, this just wasn't worth it to me. Like, I'll get in there with a foam roller. I'll figure this out. I do hot yoga. Like, I feel like I take care of my body. I don't have a lot of body pain. Whatever. So you also had a crazy bad massage. And so we both at the same time, we're like, we're done with this. We're done

being massaged. Yeah. As a couple, we're done. Instead of sticking to this past. Raena doubled down and then it was like, you know what, no, I need to make up for that bad massage and get a good massage. And she's gone and gotten one every week since. I feel like sometimes you're not even telling me. You're going once a week. It's so weird. Raina is going to get a massage. It's like, I go to yoga.

Like she has to leave all the time. She's like, I got to go get a massage. I'm like crying. This is so funny. It's so weird. Like, what is going on? And then we've been driving around recently, like, we'll be in the car, we'll be doing stuff. And that's where I get my massage.

And then you're like, wait, but I'm like, how many places? Where are you self-care? Saying to me that we both were like, we're done. And then you're like, actually what I'm going to do is go, is go weekly. I have like, tears point. Oh, this is like a very expensive side project. Like, my self-care is like having a smoothie or taking a walk. It's like $300 massage.

And it's so funny because like most people's just basic level self-care is a pedicure and you've never gotten one. I know. So you're like, you know what, don't touch my feet, but touch my entire body while I'm naked? Like, what is your life? I love it. It's so great. So why don't we talk about this journey? How is it going? You have two people, right? You have two go to. We have not talked about this enough as a group. Bella's like trying to hold that. What'd she tell you? Um, show me where to go? What's the cheetah? But the cheetahis is also the best. Oh, oh, my God. So crazy. Yeah, this is an expensive hobby.

A hobby. Hobbies aren't things that you lay there and do. Stomachers. Okay, we've got to pull it together. Yeah. So, listen, it's my new thing. I'm saving a lot of money because I'm not in a relationship anymore. Listen, sometimes people gloss over that, but just let it sink in.

Rain is saving money. You know what I mean. You do the math. So I have all this. extra income now. And so I go get massages from Doug and Kenny. Do you say Doug?

Yeah. Last night was Doug. And do Doug and Kenny know about each other? Yeah, they both work in Oasis Spa. I went to Great Jones's spa. I cheated on the, I cheated on them with Great Jones's spa, which is fine.

But Oasis Spa is where it's at. If you guys want to get somebody a nice present for the holidays, this is a huge endorsement, Ray. Are you sure you want to do that? Yeah, I know. You need to go to free massage. I know. They should give me free massages now.

I just, I love it. Oasis spy. It's great. Go see Kenny. Don't say this. Then he's going to be booked up. This is why I don't talk about my hairdresser. That's true.

Okay. I rarely, I talk about her very low key. I'll never tell you where I get my hair done on this podcast. I'll do it on Instagram story every once in a while. Because I want her to stay busy, but like I will not go widespread with it. All right.

Because I don't want her to be, you want to beep it? Huh? We beep it out. Do you want me to be Oasis or get me's name? All their names. Too much. What's done is done.

You guys can go see Doug. Anyways, I saw Doug last night. So Doug's like second tier. You just, I go, I go for my other guy usually. Okay. I mean, once I find something I like, you got to like find me, it touches you the way that you want it. For sure. That's what I'm doing in the evening.

Oh, my God. This is incredible. I love to hear it. I mean, I like a good massage. Like I will, probably one of the best ones I ever got was at the St. Regis in Atlanta. And she walked out and I was like, she's it. I think her name was Helga. She just was a large woman because I want a woman.

You know, I like a woman. But I want her to be strong, which I'm not saying that a petite woman can't get in there. But I want big hands, for one. I have a bigger body. So it's not about thinking that it's not about saying a woman isn't strong. It's that I want a big hand on a woman. So I want a larger woman. that my size are bigger

and I want her to get in there. That would be my preference. I've been going man always a lot lately because when you and I had that experience she was very small and slight. That experience was weird. It was a weird experience. So yeah, I've had tons of massages

from tons of women. Yeah. I do like a big, I like man's hands. And so I don't mind it. Like I've never had an experience for somebody made me feel weird

or uncomfortable or unsafe. So it looks over like that one time. But that's okay. I kind of liked it. So I, I, I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm with you. I'd rather one with big hands and it's nice. Or yes, a very hot guy. Like I was at the, I wanted to press trip. This is probably one of the last ones before I like met you. But I think I was at the San Juan Marriott, I think. And I got a massage. And when I saw him, his name was Carlos. I was like, oh, fuck. I was like, I was like thanking the PR girl in my head. I was like, thank you. You know what I needed. Like she was like, girl, we're saying up with Carlos. I was like, oh my God. And he was so hot. I was like very turned on throughout the massage. I mean, he didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I appropriate, but it was unreal. And then at the end, I was like, I have to be able to, like, show my friends. And I was still blogging at that time. And I was like, hey, could you,

can I get a picture of you? And just took like a solo shot of him, like, standing in the lobby just for, like, documentation. I was like, I need this receipt. A hundred percent. I'm so, so hot and sexy. You know what I'm wondering? Because, like, when I get a massage, like, from a guy and I'm, like, laying on my stomach, like, my tits, like, poke out of this. Big tits. They poke out from the side of my back. And, yeah. And, yeah, and I've been working out a lot. So my butt is, like, sitting nice and high and tight. Do you think they get hard while they're massaging you? Or do you think they're just like, I don't fucking care about this. I do this every day. Probably not. I mean, I think they, you hope they aren't like they're supposed to keep a professional. Like you're not supposed to be

getting hard while you're doing your job. But like, do you think they just don't look at me? Like I'd be like a little insulted as somebody didn't get hard looking at my naked body, you're rubbing it with oil. My tits are poking out the side and like my nice hard ass is there. Like you think that they just like, they're just like a body's a body. And I'm sorry. I think they just like, I mean, if you're a professional, you just kind of shut that down. You're not supposed to be looking at your client sexually. All right. How's your week?

I'm doing stand-up and just trying to get in like some holiday activities while I can. I went to like a holiday bar with a friend between shows. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, this week that we're recording this, we're just like preparing for this big holiday show. I'm just cooking hell of fresh, hanging out. I came back and watched selling sunset like right after Thanksgiving. So you were like, what do I watch? tonight and you like pitched me a bunch of ideas and I was like selling sunset and you're like

maybe I'll start succession and I was like no you're tired had a long week went on dates drank a selling sunset yes do you want to talk about it yeah so I watched it with my dad I watched all 10 episodes of my dad he sits down I'm two minutes into the first episode and he's like what the fuck is this and I'm like explaining it to him and I'm like teaching about real estate too I'm teaching about like staging and like the comps in the area and teaching about the Oppenheim group because like it's we're not really sure of any of them are really real estate agents but maybe they are um so I watched all 10 episodes of my dad. And it's such a typical man thing.

Every five minutes, he goes, this is fucking stupid. And then watched the whole show with me. So, yes, such a man thing. So Ashley and I are Stans of Selling Sentai. We watched every episode, all four seasons. Yeah. Watch the evolution. You were the OG on it.

It's the most beautiful shot show. I never heard of it until you talked about on the show. It is the most beautiful show. I mean, I'm not into reality TV like you. And I'm obsessed with the show. It is my favorite, I would say it's my favorite reality show that I've ever watched. But, wow. I mean,

The main character, like, has slowly developed over the four seasons and is this woman, Christine. And this whole season was about her. And I just did not need it to be. Like, I don't, I think who she is on the show, whether she's, I think she's acting, because she comes across very fake and inauthentic. But regardless, her character is a complete narcissist, pathological liar, megalomaniac. Like, by a definition. Like, I'm, these.

this is not an opinion. Like this is like a really narcissistic, dishonest. And you look up megalomaniac. Like it's this obsession with opulence and image. And like it is who she is. So it's hard for me that we glorify these people, even if it is reality show, even if it is fake.

Like people like her character and it's very disturbing to me. So again, how do we, the same creator did the Hills. So this could be told. totally staged, all fake. But I think the thing that bothers me the most is how people are like, oh my God, she's such a bad bitch. It's like, I was talking with Kate Kennedy of like, how have we decided that terrible behavior makes you a bad bitch? It is so disturbing, so discouraging to me. And I really do think that there is a lot of really good women on that show that did not get

enough air time this season. It was all about Christine. All they did was put those women in situations to talk about Christine. So then the narrative was this is all they talk about. They're all obsessed with her. And like, I love that Chrisel kind of popped off in an Instagram comment. I post this on my story of her being like, we talked about so much other stuff. They obviously told us to talk about this and then they used that. Like, Raina, how many hours? So there's 10 hours, maybe, 10 hours of the show, an hour, maybe, maybe it's 45, 50 minutes, 10 episodes. How many hours do you think they shoot? Hundreds? So it's filmed over the course of three months. Great. Hundreds of hours, probably. I looked up the timeline. So I was like, this is like a lot.

Like, Heather got married. Like Mary and Ramon were like, Remain, we're like flipping all these houses. Chrisel like went through dancing with the stars. She did. Jason, there's a million really interesting storylines they could have gone with. And it makes these women look petty and stupid and small. And I don't believe that there are any of those things. It makes women look

like they like latch onto this one story. And then they glorify this woman. I mean, I think that she's been glorified in the media. Christine for like never being able to apologize for anything. And they talk about how she just like stands her ground. But like you have to take responsibility for your action. She's a pathological woman.

liar. Like, this is a really disturbed person, like, you know, a full-blown narcissist, and we know that stems from, like, a deep insecurity. Like, it just, it bothers me that this person, whether she is acting or not, has become a celebrity based on this really toxic negative behavior. And I just hate that we kind of do that. Like, I'm watching her and I'm like, that's Donald Trump. That's the reason why people voted for Donald Trump. It's the same character, right? It's just the same. And so I'm so bothered by it. And I, like, love the women on the show. And like, when it comes to, we're, going too deep on this, but like when it comes to villains, like, yes, I guess every show needs a villain. Like, I would say another really amazing villain was Ashley on Southern Charm. And I loved

when stuff was with Ashley because it was so dramatic and she was so bad. But like, everybody also collectively kind of hated her. So I guess I have such a problem with the people that love Christine. But anyway, I think you need a villain, but I don't understand what the whole season was about her. I genuinely, I wanted more Romaine for one. Romaine is an icon. And I know he was like, A little, we were on the fence for like the first couple seasons because he was kind of an asshole, but he's so fucking funny. We don't get enough of remain. What is he doing?

He's a contractor? Well, my one of my favorite scenes was him and Mary are out of dinner, and they're talking about the wealth disparity between them, and he's so much younger than her and has way less money and she wants to buy these houses. And he says, under no circumstances are you doing that. I will never let her do that. And it's this really interesting look into what a couple looks like

when she is way older, way more successful, and more financially stable. And they just never revisited it. And I would have watched an entire season. Obsessed with that storyline. Again, I like went off about Terrick's fashion on my Instagram story. But I like him. I like their dynamic.

Like he nailed Christine as a narcissist. Like I love this line where Heather was like, do you think she's sad? She's losing all these friends. And Terrick said, no, she's sad because she looks bad. And I was like, that's exactly what we talked about with Dr. Romani. When we had an episode about narcissists, like, I love his support of her. That is a couple that is obsessed with each other.

And when both parties are obsessed with each other, I want to watch more of it. I love Chrisel. I think she's such a sweetheart. I love her come-up story. We never heard about her ex, the Dancing With the Stars guy. And I just, I've loved watching her like come into her own.

Yes. Really like be able to stick up for herself. She seems really like smart. She's a badass. And yes. We didn't really get to see that much of it. I think Amanda, number one girl crush.

Unbelievable. Obsessed with Amanda. I want everything about her. I want to know everything about her. I want to know more. I mean, I don't want to, you know, a lot of it seems like it's a little traumatic

with the custody stuff. But I'm obsessed with her. Sorry, I cut you off. No, it's okay. we, Dr. Romney, when we were talking of Narciss says that like, you know, we have glorified this as a society. And I agree.

Like, you look at who the other like bad girl, mean girls were when we were like coming up. So Kristen Cavaleri was the OG like mean girl bad bitch. And she was nothing compared to. She was also 20 years old. Right. She was in high school. Yeah.

When she started her journey. Like she still wasn't that bad. Like what we see in Christine Quinn is like, it's the gaslighting, which is so shocking to me. Like I was watching these scenes. And I'm like, people who. have dated a narcissist or have had a friend who's a narcissist or a parent or a sibling are probably watching these scenes and getting triggered because of what she does. She starts crying. Everybody's

ganging up on me. You guys are monsters. It's like, it's shocking to watch. Again, maybe she's a great actress. I don't fucking know. But I, I get bothered that we glorify that behavior. And I just think there's really interesting dynamic characters in the show. Like, I truly believe that the show would be great with so much less Christine. I don't know why they did this. I don't either. I mean, it was, it was sort of like disappointing watching all these girls just like, continue. newsly discussed this. And it was like clear the producers like, you have to do this.

It's a TV show. I take it with a grain of salt. But like I think we didn't, I mean, you don't know it as much because you don't watch Bravo as much. But like the fact that Ramona Singer is still a character on Real House is New York, this dusty, racist,

bitter bitch. I can't say enough bad stuff about her. I waited on her when I was 22 and she treated me like shit. And I watched her just be terrible. And she is like the longest standing cast member of any housewives. I don't want to watch this nasty, horrible person. And there's a million other storylines. We can watch about people with money that are actually

interesting. So it's disappointing. But it's like we watch it. We talk about it. So it just like fuels it to become like, what can we do bigger and worse next season? I know. I just, I still think it's weird. I still think all 10 episodes, this was the central storyline. And people will be like, yeah, but if she carried the season on her back, that's all you care about. I don't. I would have loved to see so much more. Like I was like craving more other people's storylines. Like we just got like a little taste here and there. And it was like back to

send Vanessa out to get more dirt on Christine. Like they, you made me laugh because you were like, they brought in a character strictly to shoot with Christine. Yeah, they hired her. So that Christine could have somebody and she could be to go back and forth to get the like sides of the story. I loved when Mary was like, don't talk to me about this anymore. Yeah.

I don't want to hear this. I'm not interested. And like that last scene in episode 10 where Mary was just sitting there, just like shutting down everything Christine was doing. I was so proud of her. And I think it takes friends a long time to get there because you're like, I love this person. We have a history together.

That must mean we should have a future together. this person means something to me and watching her just like shut it down. Christine's like, why are you doing this to me? And Mary's standing her ground being like because of every single thing you've done. I just love it. We were talking,

I was asking you like who's your number one? Like who's your girl crush on the show? It's hard for me to decide because I actually have like, if you asked me season one, I like wasn't so sold on like Heather or Crischel, but I think a lot of these women have like really come into their own and become like really strong women. And I enjoy watching all of them.

Like I think if I could sleep with one of them would probably be Crishel. Okay. I just, I've been really impressed, like, watching her, like, she was so humiliated on, like, in the media across the nation. Her husband, like, walked to a courthouse and filed her divorce, like, publicly. And she seemed really destroyed. And it's been nice to watch the come up of her.

And, like, Heather, I just, like, at first, first season, I was like, I'm not sure. I've loved to watch her. Like, I don't know. I'm like, I really like all these women. Mary's, like, so great. She's a hot young husband. And these people have, like, overcome a lot. You know, Mary's story is crazy.

Like, they've really, they're not. not these like born into money women like I mean who knows I don't know are they really real estate agents were unclear now the outfits are insane I will say that about christine like you want to know what she's going to wear and I get it I get that she's fun to watch aesthetically like the outfits are insane they're also very indicative of a megalomaniac and new money like a bunch of labels and stuff but of course I love watching her what she wears yeah I love it I can't get enough of it but Emma I like Emma I like yeah I like Emma um yeah you know amanza's my number one if I'm gonna date somebody You know, I take it back.

If I'm going to just fuck a person, Amanda against down, she's wild. I just love her. I just really, she's this, like, strong mother. Like, she just is so real. I mean, her and Mary are like, and they're just each other's ride or die. Why are we deep diving on this? Like, we know these people. I just, I really love the show.

I could not love the show anymore. I feel like it's me and you, like, our most common, like, favorite show, maybe and insecure. And it's real. I don't know. I love it. Well, we don't know if it's real. But I love it.

I can't have a bit of it. I can't have a bit of it. Listen, you guys, I'm going to be honest with you. I never shared this, but I put an offer on a house a couple months ago and did not get it. And it was my first time I did that. And I know it's like a really tough housing market. But I really wanted it. I went down to Dewey, like on a whim to see it.

I was like really into the idea. And then we were on tour. Where were we? Like in Minneapolis maybe? And yeah, we were in Minneapolis. And I like got the message that I didn't get it. And it was like so sad. And so that first when she didn't get that first house.

I was like felt that in my soul like how that feels. And of course you like hope there's a better one around the corner, but there's not a lot of inventory and Dewey right now. So anyway, it is, it's a sad thing. I'd ever share the podcast, but it was like a moment for me to do that and like get all the paperwork and go down and see it. And I've looked at a lot of houses now in Dewey, but this was like the one that I was like, this is it. Let's do it. And I didn't get it. So it's fine. You're going to get something great. The housing market is very crazy. Ashley told me I can't be like the market this week kind of person. But I know a lot of. I know a lot of. I know a lot of. about the housing market right now. Rana, no, I told you that you can't be like a stock market person. Like I said, I sent her something about the new, or the new COVID variant. And she was like, I know, girl, the market. I'm like, bitch, I'm talking. Two seconds later, would you say, I invested in crypto? Okay, listen, I invest in crypto. The reason, because Bella was in Amsterdam, and I sent you this thing about Omicron B. I sent it to, Raina, because I was like, the reason I sent it, because it was all about Amsterdam and I was sent it to you like, never read. Bella's there. And you were like, girl, the market. I was like, what? I was like, do not be this guy.

Our assistant who had COVID five minutes ago, she's fine, guys. But I knew she wasn't coming back with it. No, I know. But I was like, oh, my God, this is like so scary. And you were like, my stocks. I'm like, you know. It's all I have. I did do a little crypto investment.

I don't know. I just got a Robin Hood and was like, here, here, do some block. Oh, no. What did you say? Blockchain? What did you say? I said, I also, I said I also invest in blockchain. and I don't know what it is, but Waka Flaka was talking about it.

And Raineson, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard you say. I think it was like on the Shade Room Post, Waka flaco was talking about. You went in it. You got to invest in blockchain companies. I was like, say less. Waka. It was like, we were Miami. It was like one in the morning.

And Melanie was like, Dogecoin is going off. And I was like, say no more. That's 1,500 doja coin. Yeah, she was one of the first friends of ours that just like went hard on Dogecoin. And then we were sitting in Miami. me and I was like, Melanie, can you check your Robin Hood? And she was like, I'm up. I was like, yeah, girl, I love watching it. It's fun. I mean, listen, I'm not trying to give you guys, like stock advice. I mean, some people might be like, don't ever use Robinhood. Listen, I don't know

enough about it, but I looked at E-Trade and Robin and all these apps. I like using it's been a nice way for me to learn about the market. I know. It's easy to use. It's fun. I mean, I feel like that got so hot with the GameStop stuff because that's what they were using for the most part. Yeah, they're like gaming the system, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, guys, there's your stock tip for the Okay, rebound. Just us today. Just us today. Guys, listen, hot teaser alert, more episodes of just us in the new year.

Every year we do a little reformatting. 2022, a lot more of us. Yeah. Last year we made the episodes a little shorter, a little more manageable for you guys. A little better for a new listener. That's not like two and a half hours. Wow. So now it's just going to be a lot more of us in the year.

Yeah. Still guess. don't get a twisted. But you guys are going to love. If we can't cover it on our own, we'll bring your guest in. Yeah, exactly. But what can't we cover on our own?

This topic, we can. I am so excited. I've been a rebound. I've rebounded with other people. Let's talk about it. So I was thinking... Share your truth. I was thinking about, like,

why are these situations, like, so painful when you meet somebody and, like, you become the rebound. And I think it's because, like, I was saying, like, what's the advice we give people? And it's like, you know, be cautious and, you know, going through your eyes open. And this is one of the few relationships situations

where every person walks in with her eyes open, right? Like, it's like a hot stove, like, rebound. If you meet a guy, he just broke up with his girlfriend or his wife, you're like, everybody knows. Yeah, like, be careful. But we're human and we, like, walk into situations with our eyes open, but you're human. You fall for people and you like them. And it feels so shitty to feel like you have, like, filled this void in a person's life and you should have known better, you know? So you end up, like, walking away, like feeling bad. But it's so great because you're like, some people have been in relationships that were over long before they were over. So maybe I should try.

Listen, I'm going to take this a different direction and say, let's normalize it not being the worst thing in the world. Someone's got to do it. We need. Like, someone's got to be a rebound. It's okay. Sometimes that's maybe what you need. Maybe I'm going to date with a guy and I'm like, I'm not going to date him long term. He's still fucked up about his ex.

As long as he's not crying while we're fucking, I'll go there. I'll be a rebound. Someone's got to do it. You know what I mean? Like, shout it to the girls that have been rebounds for the next girl. And shout out to the guys that we've had to rebound with. Like, I can think of a guy right now. I really do feel like it's somebody that I let him get away because he was like a really solid guy and I just was still hung up on my ex. And like, thank God for that guy. Because I kind of got over the hump and realized I wasn't ready yet and took a beat. And then after that I felt like solid on dating. But like I just think before we even get into this, like it's not always the worst thing. Yes, it sucks to feel disposable and like someone's using you. But at the same time, someone's got to do it. You know what I mean? I just think that every situation is different. And like, yeah, if I met to me this fresh out of a relationship, I wouldn't be like,

absolutely not. I think people should be open and honest and tell you what's going on and I think I'm an adult and I can make a decision. And we'll talk about it later how to like, yeah, you can ask somebody. Like, do you feel like you can be in a relationship? Do you feel like you can date me? I had somebody like had a pretty honest conversation with me. I mean, you know, I feel right now, I don't feel

like fucking dating. I don't want to sit at a bar and get to know somebody. I'm not fucking interested in it. If I hook up with somebody, it's going to be an ex that I don't have to get to know. I'm not like in a place where I want to date. I don't want to. And so anybody that I dated right now would be a rebound. They'd be filling some kind of like time All right. I mean, I don't want to be bothered. Yeah, no, no, I know. But like, my feeling is like,

I don't think you were, you're not all fucked up and heartbroken from your relationship, because that's usually what it is. You're not over the person. Like, you're over the last person you dated. So for you, it just says it's a little bit different. You know what I mean? Because my take on it is just because you're the next person someone dates after a serious relationship doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get thrown aside because your rebound. A lot of time could pass. I think time can substitute there. And so, I mean, we're going to get into it. That's what the topic is about today. But anyway, if you're a rebound, you're doing the Lord's work and don't beat yourself up. I'm going to start there. I don't think that you should be yourself up at all.

I also don't think there's like a time frame. You could be somebody's rebound a week later or a year or just because somebody did just break up with someone a few months ago. Doesn't mean you're a quote unquote rebound. It can't ever work. So like I said before, like I think that there are people that have been in relationships that have been over for a year. And they're just whelming around because it's comfortable or because family ties, things like that. Like, you know, like you're just like really ingrained to each other's families, things like that. Like, plenty of people have been done with the relationship for a long time. And you'll figure out if you're like, if you're rebound pretty quickly, I think.

And that's what we're going to get into today. So if you do feel like you've been more of one or had more rebounds. I don't think I've had one situation where I feel like I was somebody's rebound, but I didn't let it get that far before I just asked. Like, is this what's going on here? I mean, I think you should talk about it because I think it's really interesting and you really did like that person and you could have ignored the signs and like gone further with it. But I think you stopped it before you got there because you realize what was happening. Yeah. I mean, you and I realized it together. But no, I met somebody who I was like crazy about like obsessed with. We met this one night. We like hung out all night. Nothing like sexual happened. We just like hung out all night at this comedy club basically. And somebody told me he. had a girlfriend. So I was like, great, no worries. We'll never talk to him again. Whatever. A couple months later, he started talking to me a lot. And I felt like I got to say something because either

this guy is like being a scumbag or like he is trying to like date me. So I was just like, hey, the last time we spoke, you had a girlfriend. So was that still going on. He said no. And I was like, great. And he just wanted to talk to me all day, every day, constantly just like so much flirting. And it felt like it moved really fast. You wanted to get me in nowhere really fast. He was like really complimenting me a lot. And he brought up his ex a couple of. He brought up his ex a couple times and I just like I don't know it wasn't great he wasn't like asking to see me a lot he just wanted a lot of attention for me I mean we'll talk about a lot of signs but I sent him a text because he brought his ex up twice like two days in a row and I finally was just I when I had asked about the ex

he said we broke up it's a little messy I'm a little fucked up over it he was honest but then brought her up a couple more times and then I just sent in this text and I was like listen I really like talking to you I really enjoy you so it sucks to have to say this but it seems like you're going through some shit. And I want you to have the time to process that. And whenever you're feeling like you're ready, I would really love to spend some time with you. And I just love you to do that. And I wanted to communicate that like I am into you and I really like you, but I'm just not here for this. I'm not looking to like be this person that you date after a very serious long term girlfriend. He's with her for four years. Exactly. They had broken up very recently. It was,

and it had been like an on and off situation. So another friend of ours told me like, they break up sometimes, you know, like so they might be getting back together. So all the tell signs that you are rebound. All those things were happening. So I said that to him and he was like, yeah, like, no worries. I've enjoyed talking to you. Like, we had some crossover with work. So he was like, you know, maybe I can talk to you about work a little bit. And then I did try again. We can talk later about like, you know, can you try again? But I started trying again. And we talked on the phone one night while you and I were in Nashville for like three hours. I was like, oh my God, it's going to happen. I'm so obsessed to them. I got back and he just like didn't ask me to hang out at all. And I was super

bummed and he told a friend of ours, like a lot of really nice, wonderful, complimentary things about me. But he said, like, she's so wonderful and amazing blah, blah. But I know we have this, like, crazy connection and it will move really fast and I don't want that. And it sucked for me because he didn't say that to me. He said to a friend of ours and I had to, like, relay that information. But, like, I felt like I know better. I should have walked away more. Why did I lean into this? But I don't know. It was fun. I enjoyed it. It was, like, really painful that he kind of, like, ghosted out. But that's what people in these situations do because they're just like not ready. They're fucked up. Well, I mean, he also told you he was fucked up.

I mean, that's like you, he told you straight up because we're going to get into this. Like, the number one thing of how to tell if someone's rebounding and you're the rebound is them talking about their ex. Like that's numero uno. It's everything that you guys said when we asked you. It's there's a bunch of different ways they discuss them and we'll get into it. But he told you straight up. I'm fucked up from this.

So you knew going in. And if someone tells you that, if someone actually gives you the gift of honestly, telling you that I went through a bad breakup and it fucked me up and like gives you signs that they're not over it. Like, how lucky are you? Because you're going into that eyes wide open. You know, as opposed to like, you got to try to figure it out. How are they talking about the ex? Are they doing comparison stuff? Are they just bringing up stories because they're relevant? Or are they actually thinking about their ex all the time? Like, he actually said it. And so you knew and that was obviously your first clue. And again, you didn't go down the road with this person.

But just know what you're getting into because like I said, someone's got to do it. So if you know someone's fucked up over their ex, you're like, I don't know. He can eat my pussy. then go for it. But I'm saying, like, if you're like, I want a legitimate partner and someone's telling you they're not over your ex, the worst thing you can do is saying, I'm going to fix this person and bring him back to life and heal his wounds or her wounds, you know, don't do it. Yeah. I mean, I was so crazy about this person. Like, I cried so much when this, like, just, like, went away. And I knew he was fucked up. And so thankfully, I just, like, walked away from it. But, like, any type of, like, constantly needing to bring up the ex, any, like, comparisons.

Well, if I was my ex, this would have been a huge fight. When I was with her, what do you think about this, any reason to bring that up. And one of the things I really did love about my last relationship was that I mean, he was married before me. And they had been apart for about a year, but that was somebody who was with for almost a decade. And you were like, it's a little intimidating to be like, can I

ever fill the role this person filled? And the way that he spoke about her is what I would want, which is that he just, he had nothing bad to say about her. He doesn't, he never compared me to her. He never talked like, well, when I was with her, I just, it never came up. He says nice things about her, not too nice. Just,

nice enough. Now, she's a crazy bitch and fuck her. It was just right in the middle. And I like that. And that's what I think you're looking for. Not terrible things to say about the person. You're not being compared all the time. I mean, I want them to talk to shun on their ex a little bit. Yeah. Not in a way that seems like they're trying to do it all the time. That they're fucked up. Anything too emotional is a red flag. Anything comparison. I think men tend to be a little more transparent with this. Because I don't think they're thinking about it as much. I think that sometimes they can say what's on their mind where, women can reel it in a little, at least for me, I went on dates when I was still very much hung up on my ex. I knew it. I knew that I was rebounding. I knew I was going to go home and probably talk to my ex. And I still didn't say it. Like, I knew better. So if someone's saying it, they can't help themselves. You know what I'm saying? Like if they're saying, oh, my ex, like if you're talking about your dog and they say, well, my ex is cat, oh my God. I know, like, I'll tell a story here and there about an ex if it's like a funny story and it's really relevant to what we're talking about, but almost the way that I'm talking about a friend. And I am very

cautious when I pick my words. Like I never say like me and my ex. Like I'll be like, oh my God, like I did this the other day. Something came up and it was relevant to someone that I used to date. And I told the story and I was like, I hope he doesn't think I'm like trying to talk about my ex. Because I talk about it like it was a funny thing that happened with a friend. But the tone really matters. Like if there feels like there's a lot emotion behind it, if they're still angry. Yeah. If there's an undertone of bitterness. Yes. Bitter or longing. Yeah. Like they look away and they were wistfully talking. talking about their ex, fucking get out of there. I, like, think about this, like, if I went on a date now and somebody said, like,

one was your last relationship and I was, like, seven weeks ago, you know, like, I feel like that would scare a person off. And so I would actively choose my words to not talk about that. Yeah. Like, you're saying, like, not bring it up, not being like this, my ex, oh, well, we used to do these things together. We went these places together. Like, my ex didn't drink.

I would never say to a person, like, it's really nice to have a drink with a person. Oh, my God. Right. You know, I mean, I don't feel like that either. I don't care if he drank or not. But, um, yeah. If somebody seems like they're trying to bring it up, if I was in my ex, this would have been a huge fight.

Any of that, just fuck no. I don't want to hear about it. I'm just not looking to hear about it. I'm here now. She's not here anymore. She or he is on your mind so much. You can't help yourself. I don't want a part of that.

Unless I'm trying to be rerout, which I'm also down for. Listen. I'll feel. Well, you got to check yourself and say, like, how much do I like this person? The person that, like, used me as a rebound. He didn't use me. But like, I was so obsessed with him.

And I was just like, I can't go down this road. I'll be too. fucked up. Yeah. I mean, we have a friend who dated somebody after a pretty tough breakup that was fairly recent. And I think they just really liked each other. Like, I think they were such a good match. And they started dating casually and he was not ready. And so they ended up breaking up. And then he did go out and date a little bit more, got it in a little bit. And then they actually got back together and they actually are still together. So it's a pretty rare example. I feel like. but it was an example of right person wrong time.

And it was never going to work with them to just date straight through because he wasn't ready, but he had found this amazing person in our friend. So they've been together now for quite some time. So I think she saw the signs too. I think she was like, he's not ready. He's all fucked up, but I really like it. You know, like, what are you supposed to do if that's your person? I don't know.

It sucks because she did the right thing, which is to walk away. She didn't walk away. He wouldn't put a title on it. Yes, yes. He continuously talked about how fucked up he was, which I guess is a gift. So she was like, I can't do this anymore. And you know, you were talking about this before. We started recording, but like, just because like, life is long.

And just because the relationship can't happen now doesn't mean it can't happen ever. So like, if you're with somebody and you're just like, I don't know, this doesn't feel good, you can let them go and see if it comes around. Yeah. And they did take some time off. And like I said, he did get it in. And she made him tell her about it. And it fucking hurt.

But I was like, what a gift. Because that's what needed to happen for whatever. reason, like, I don't know that if, whatever, I don't know that that's everybody's story, probably a little bit more of a male characteristic where you really kind of need to sew those oats or whatever and like you were with somebody for so long, you just got to go out, you got to fucking like penetrate more people or make out with people or like flirt with more people and just like feel that and have a little bit of that. But then he was ready to get back with her and they're super solid. So I mean, it was a weird situation, but the right

match. Yeah. I mean, I think what you don't do is like stick around in the relationship and hope it just gets better. Because, I mean, we've all been out of a relationship and you know that you're not ready five minutes after that to be with somebody else to, you carry so much baggage from the last relationship. Until you feel like you can put that down,

like you can't date either. So like think about that in the reverse. Like, it's not that you're not the most wonderful, beautiful, kind, fun person. It's just like some people have been with somebody else for so long and they just, they can't pick up any more baggage, you know? Yeah.

I think she did the right thing. And we've seen it work out. You can't just, you can't wait around and hope it turns out better. You got to make a decision. You know, I thought some of these were really interesting because obviously we did, we did some research. We asked you guys what signs are that you're a rebound. And then I, we did a bunch of research of like what psychologists say.

This hot and cold thing came up a lot, like from like clinical psychologists saying, like if somebody's very hot and cold with you. And I never really thought about it, but I was like, oh, yeah, that is how it feels. Somebody just like right out of a relationship, they need that hit of admiration, attention, validation, and they're just coming back for it, and they'll text you all day. And it's, it's so hot and heavy. And then you just, like, won't hear from them. And they won't make plans with you. And you're like, what happened? And maybe their ex crawled back in. Maybe they just got what they needed from you. But this is like a pretty interesting telltale sign to me.

Well, yes. And of course, somebody can be hot and cold with no ex to speak of. Like, they could just be that way. That could have, that could be an attachment style thing. That could just be who they are. But, like, yes, I feel like if they are super hot and cold and you know, that they recently got out of a relationship, you can put two and two together on that. Yeah, it should just feel consistent. You know, like, I just, I know what, like, a secure attachment feels like,

and it should just, they're intentional. They show up when they say they're going to, it sort of feels like a natural progression of making plans. I have fallen into patterns with guys where we're just, like, texting continuously all day long. And then you pause and you're like, oh, I'm just, like, filling this void in this person's life. Yeah, like you said, that guy wanted to talk to you all the time,

but not meet up, you know, like that is a sign too, that they're like, they want that hit, they want the attention, but they're not ready to go on a date or sleep with somebody or whatever it may be. Yeah, but he like loved having my attention and he wanted to text with me for hours and I. Listen, I am great at banter. No one's better. Except for you, me and you. Yeah, obviously, we're the elite. But yeah, it was, it was a lot, but he wasn't like making plans with me. And I was just like, are you going to see me? We're going to hang out. And I don't know. I can. I was over it. Yeah, he wasn't, he wasn't ready.

No. One thing I just really want to talk about is like this moves fast and they're using you to make their ex jealous. And this feels like it may be something that women might do a little bit more. But I think you can feel it. I think you have a gut feeling if somebody, something feels unnaturally quick to like post on social media or it feels like they really want to make sure people know that they're with you.

Like I think you can feel that vibe of they're hanging out with you to make someone else jealous. It's not just to enjoy the moment with you. They're trying to get something on social media. They're trying to make sure their friends tell their ex. Like, whatever it is, like, you're the person they're using to make their ex jealous. I'm not here for it. I'm not going to be a rebound. Fuck.

I don't know, though. Like I said, I'll get in there. I'll be like, I'll be like, day's dating Ashley Heseltine. Listen, tell me how much funnier and prettier and better at sex I am than your ex all day. I'll be your rebound. If you don't like that person. Yeah. If you don't see that person.

Like, I think that's funny. Like some girls like, oh, he's dating her now. That girl. I did not expect this from you. The whole episode, you're like, I'm out here. Ashley Hanselstein rebound. Listen, hit me up. Rebound queen.

I like that because then you won't get into a relationship. Pay me. I'll make your ex jealous. Oh, I will take money for it all day long. Alcohol, clothing, shoes. Should this do anything? Should this be a supply chain issue? Supply chain issue.

Yeah, if you guys could get me some like stuff I can't get on the internet. Right, exactly. You know, there was like a Casamigos shortage. Like if you guys got like an inn. Don't get me start on the Casamigo shortage. I just showed you this pair of Ugg boots I wanted and because you know, supply chain and I was like my mom was asking what I wanted for Christmas

I was like, you got to get these soon because they're back ordered or whatever and I showed you a picture and you go not for me. Well, first of all, there's short Ugg boots which like I don't wear and they're a color I don't wear. I don't do UGButs for fashion. I'm never wearing them out, but they are the most comfortable shoe and there's no better dog walking footwear. I love our boots season. I love it. I've just, I got my

boots out. I got duck boots now. Okay. Just for walking in the snow. I like a walk. I get a snowshoe. Anyway, um, yeah, I just, I had to throw that in there, the feeling that someone's using you to make their ex-gealous. But again, if anybody wants to pay me to do that, I'm here for it with Casamigos. Um, but yeah, this is another one I, like, didn't think about, but it's so obvious is that you feel like it gets, you, you, they've gotten close to you wildly quickly, but there's nothing like deeper underneath it. So like they're telling you how amazing and incredible you are, but it's like almost unearned.

Because you're like, yes. You're like, I don't know you well enough for you to feel like this. It almost feels without it being a narcissistic trait because love bombing is narcissistic. It feels like love bombing. I'm getting credit for stuff. I don't deserve credit for it because like maybe they're a lot, their last relationship, like they were fighting constantly

and I'm just able to get through a whole dinner with them without fighting. And they're like, wow, this is so amazing. And it's just, you know, the feeling that they're feeling is like some relief from bad situations. they were in with their ex. And so they're crediting you with stuff that like, maybe you don't deserve credit for you. I think you're amazing and wonderful.

You guys all deserve it. But you know, you haven't been together long enough to be really receiving this much praise. Yeah. Like, it feels like you could be anybody. Like it feels like you're a placeholder. Like they're giving you compliments that are so broad that you're like, you're so amazing,

you're so beautiful. And you're like, this feels like this could go to anybody. Like it feels like I'm just a person that's slotted into this spot in your life. And some people need to be in a relationship at all times. You know what I mean? And I don't, I'm not that person.

I don't have a ton of friends and people around me that are, and I don't really think I've ever dated a serial monogamous, but it's like some people really break up, got to get a new partner within weeks, and I don't think that it's healthy, but it happens, and it can work out, and that's some people's style in life, and that could be the reason too. Like, some people can't be alone, and men, women, and you could just be the next one, and it could work out, but like, I don't like that feeling at all. I don't like when it's, like you said, unearned is just, why is this moving so fast? I barely know you. The closeness feels like manufactured and sort of like shallow. And yeah, like you said, it's not, it's not any deeper than

that. It's just like you're just like the next person. And yeah, some people can jump from relationship to relationship, but I want this closeness to be earned. I don't want to feel like I've just filled some void and you're so obsessed with me just because I'm not your ass. Like, that's so true. Like it's sometimes hard to put into words. Like we've talked about it here and there. Like, obviously they came up with the narcissist stuff. And we talked about it recently where I was saying I was talking that guy, the younger guy that just like was saying this stuff that I was like, you don't know me. This is so misplaced, you know?

It was just bizarre. And I kept calling him out on it because I was like, I bet so many girls fall for this. Like whatever. But yeah, like, of course I want someone to be obsessed with me. Obviously, it's my love language. But if it's too soon, it's fucking weird because you don't know me like that yet. You will be obsessed with me. You got to just get to know for me.

For me, I'm just like, well, obviously you're obsessed with me. It's probably not a rebound thing. I'm awesome. Like, it's hard for me to be like, yeah, it's probably manufactured and shallow because I'm like, I think you should think I'm awesome. Yeah. But it, yeah, I guess like, of course, someone can meet you or me or whoever, anyone that's awesome for an hour and be like, oh, you're so awesome.

But like, it's when it comes to that like two over the top, it just feels a little thirsty and it feels like, it feels like there is an ulterior motive, I guess. Yeah, there's a thirst. There's an underlying thirst to it and just like be conscious of it, you know? it's like yeah you are awesome and you're great but like it's almost like when people are like future tripping and you're like I haven't earned this this trip in the future that's a good call too like it all goes together with the moving too fast and it not feeling natural is the future tripping of course like oh we should do this next summer we should do this we should go on this trip

you're like I just met you uh-huh and I think that you can like pick up in this pretty quickly based on also what they say about their ex like was their ex really combative or they untrustworthy anything they're giving you credit for are they giving me credit for it just because their ex did this and I don't. Anything like that. Yeah. Yeah, that's like a thing too. Like some people get really fucked up from their ex

and then they just like want some sort of hit of like love or attention from anybody. And you don't want to do that. Happened to me recently. Listen. You shut it down. Shut it down. I was part of you. Exactly.

This thing came up. I don't know if I grew with it. So I'm curious about your like the way that the physical attraction overpowers the emotional bond you have. So, like, emotionally the relationship feels kind of empty while physical intimacy is peaking. You're fucking all the time. You're fucking constantly. I don't know if that, I don't know that it would necessarily lead me to believe I was a rebound. It might lead to believe that, like, somebody didn't have a lot of sex in their last

relationship. I don't know. Or someone just doesn't have that emotional depth and they never will. You know what I mean? Like, you could run into this no matter what, but it could be a symptom of being a rebound also. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, anything could be a symptom.

My ex said that I was, it was the nice thing he was ever said to me that I was more hypersexual than anybody who was at. He was used to. That wasn't on a rebound. I just like fucking. Yeah. We fucked a lot. Yeah.

And he wasn't rebounding with me either. We just, the day we met, we fucked four times. But I guess if it feels like they are using it as a means to make you feel like there is a deeper emotional depth because you have this sexual connection and they're like, look how connected we are. And you're like,

but we aren't connected in any other way. So if they're using it as a tool to make you think you're more connected than you are, Maybe that. Yeah. And if they bring up that they didn't have sex with their ex, it's like they're kind of trying to make up for lost time or something like that, which, again, if you're looking for that, hit me up. So it's going to be called Hannah Ashley. Ashley's queen of rebound, which kind of feels like that could be a divorce trade, which I got to talk about this. Because I've said this on the podcast so many different times that I think almost always there are exceptions to every rule, the first person after a divorce.

is a rebound. And I've just seen this so many times with girlfriends and just people, you know, people of all ages are getting divorced. People, you know, of all ages are getting divorced. So I have seen so many more times than I can ever even count. Friends of mine date a guy right after his divorce and it just doesn't work out. And he does end up with the next person. Like, I do feel like there's a lot of figuring out that needs to be done. However, every divorce is different. So when I say this, I mean like that it wasn't great. It was messy. People got hurt. You know what I mean, because I think there's divorces that they have been separated physically, emotionally for months, even years sometimes, you know, like they're fully ready to date again. Kids,

a whole different world, because there's a lot just logistically so much to figure out and it can get really messy. But I don't encourage you to date somebody right after their divorce, I guess, is what I'm saying. But it can work out and timing is so important. But like, a guy that got divorced a couple months prior and is talking about it a lot and seems kind of fucked up from it, I wouldn't really go down that road if you are looking for a relationship. I've just seen it blow up in so many people's faces so many times because they have to navigate a lot. Like, I don't want divorce guys listening to this and be like, okay, Ashley, thanks.

Now no one's going to date me. You know what I mean? Like I think you can speak on it a little bit more, but I've just seen it go wrong so many times. And I do think that like very rarely does someone get divorced and then the very next person they date is like long term. They're going to marry them again. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, I think the end of every relationship is different. I think everybody is baggage they carry out of it. of it. Divorce at the end of it. There's a lot of legal issues. There's a lot of money issues. A lot of times there's kids involved. There's so much more to unpack. And I checked in with a girlfriend of ours this morning because I sort of wanted her input because she has been with somebody for about 10 months who she was his first year's relationship after he was divorced. He has kids. And she was like, we're great and we're happy. Would I suggest it? Fuck no. She was like, it's been hard. It's been really tough to navigate. I think she's super

happy and he treats her really well. But yeah, there's a lot of messiness with somebody who combined families with somebody, combined finance, combined homes. This is not just the end of like a normal relationship, which we have enough baggage to sort of like untangle from. But on top of that, there's legal and financial problems and oftentimes children. So yeah, if I met a man that was just out of a relationship where he was married, I wouldn't, it's not a fuck no for me because the last person I was with was married before me. And nothing about our relationship was hindered by his relationship with her.

I don't know, all these things, it's like you just got to go into it with your eyes open and hope for the best. And if you sense any of these things, you got to walk away. Like, I never sensed any of this stuff with my ex. It, you know, nothing that we broke up over had to do with his, his ex. But yeah, our girlfriend, who's with a married guy, was just like, I'm fine. We're happy. Would I suggest it? No? Yeah. Your situation, they had a clean, clean break. Sounds like there wasn't a big, it wasn't messy. They didn't have kids, you know, like, it had been a year. So a year's a long time. He went on other dates, right? Oh, he did a lot other girls. I mean, lots of other girls. Yes. You were not the first date post-divorce.

You know what I'm saying? I think it's when it's you're that very first person. I don't think it's a good idea. I think you're just, you're a test run. I am not like out on being a rebound for somebody. Like if I met somebody I really liked, I'm not out on it at all. I think you like got to go in these straight to your eyes wide open. But like also just like I said before, just because it doesn't work out immediately doesn't mean it can't work out long term. Like you can go back to this person. If you meet a person you're like obsessed with them and you're like, I'm just I've read all the signs. I'm not trying to be here for this bullshit.

You can go back later. It's fine. To me, I guess to do a check, do a gut check, feel the energy of, is this a man, for example, a broken, divorce man who does not know which way is up? Like, are they still figuring shit out? Are they still living in an apartment? Because they just left their home that they shared with their wife. When it feels really unstable, that is what I would steer clear of.

and don't go into that and like I'm going to fix him up and get him back to right. You know, that's what it is. Like you go with somebody, they got their shit together. They've been divorced. They're like, you know, it was over long before that. And I got my routine. I got my own home now. I'm good to go.

Like, fine. You know what I mean? But at that point, they've probably been on some dates here and there. Like, you're not the very first person post trauma. Yeah. Let someone else be that receptacle. Let Ashley do it. I'll do it.

You know, I just, I've never, I'm coming to your apartment if you got a mattress on the floor, though. Or messy car. A nice place. Yeah, just frame something hanging on the wall. I'm not trying to be the, I don't want to be the receptacle. I don't want to talk about your ex. I like did that. After my fiance and I split up, I started dating somebody who also had split up from his

very serious long-term ex. And the two of us would talk about it constantly. We would both spend hours talking about our exes. And it like was cathartic but also so fucked up. And it's just like we were both in the same place. So it was like, it felt very good to like tap that vein. It felt so good. Yeah.

Like we were both in that place. We were both kind of fucked up. I'm not, I don't have any interest. I don't know to save your complex about men. I'm not interested in helping you. Like, yes, that was a moment in time for me. But I don't really suffer from the, I meet a man. I want to fix him.

And that has taken just years of maturity. I probably was a lot more likely to fall into a situation like that when I was a little younger. It's, I don't feel that I want to do that for somebody. Let their therapist do it. Let Ashley do it. Let someone, let the first girl. do it. I am not doing that. The other therapists do it. But that's such a good call. And that's a gut check thing too. Like, are you that kind of person? Like, just check yourself on it. It's not a

bad quality. You want to help somebody. That's not a bad thing. But like, if you have that, I want to save a man. I want to turn his life around and just shower him with love and get him back on track. Figure that out with a therapist as well. And I say that with love. You know what I mean? Because I think a lot of people do that. It comes from different places. It comes from, you know, how you were grown up. Sometimes it can be a little younger trait. But like, it's not great because you get into situations where you can get taken advantage of and you really give someone your energy and it's not reciprocated and it's figure it out because I mean, you know if you want to do that. You know if you see a broken man you want to fix.

And I just think it's something to check up on within yourself and reflect. Yeah. How many times do we hear people say, I don't just say women, how many times women say, I was there from I coached him through his breakup. I helped him. I helped him heal through his breakup and then he left me. Yeah. Yeah.

Because they used you for that. Yeah. It sucks. And now they're going to go find someone else. that doesn't have the savior complex and they're just going to be good for. Yeah. And you don't even have to have like a savior like you said. Maybe you are just a nice person.

Yeah. You're a good, you're a great listener and you're tremendously. You're an empath and you really take on a lot of the pain that somebody else feels. You want to be there for someone. You're like, I care about this person. If I can just listen a little bit, I can help them and they'll want to be with me. I just, I don't think it's a good idea.

I don't want to listen to you talk about your acts. Yes. And those are boundaries to set. And again, we keep going back to this friend that like, honestly met somebody at a really bad time, but they were a great match, and they had to step away for a minute. And I think, I don't really know how much of this, his past relationship he put on her, but I think she's pretty good at drawing boundaries. And I mean, I can see a world in which,

like, someone is dumping on you. Like, they're like emotionally dumping on you. And you're like, man, this sucks. Because I really like him. And he's smart and funny. And the sex is good. And he gets me. But like, this is too much. And draw the boundary. Be like, I don't really want you to dump all this on me on your ex. Like, I feel like you need to maybe talk to somebody else about. this, but it's really unfair to put all of your trauma from your previous relationship on me. Yeah, I don't want to fill that role. I'm not interested. Like, if you are so far removed in the relationship, but you want to, I always want to talk to somebody about what happened their past relationship. I want to know, on first date, I'll ask, like, I mean, if the timing is

right. But I want to know that you've been in a committed relationship. I don't mind dating a divorce guy because I think it's nice to know that somebody, like, picked a thing and committed to it. I think that's nice. I'm not afraid to be with somebody that's been with somebody for five, six years before me because I think it's nice to know somebody committed to something. I don't want to be here while you're healing from it. I'm just not interested in it. It's not the role that I'm going to fill for you. Call therapist. Then there's those guys that they had one girl, probably she was in college or their early 20s and she broke their heart and they will never get over it and everybody from here and out will be a rebound and listen, I can spot that from a mile away. I said that to Dylan the other day and he was like,

I'm not, I'm like that. I'm like that. These guys, if you're listening, get your shit together. I mean, I love him. I don't know if that was he was one of them. I was just like, every one of you has fucking one girlfriend when he was 22. They, like, fucked him up and act like an asshole, because who isn't an asshole, 22? And you just never let it go forever. And he was like, that's not, yeah, I'm like that. We called Andrew Collin out on that. And he has a girlfriend now, and they're moving in together.

So you know what? It can change at 40. Yeah, I think that, like, people, can people change? Yes. Can you wait them out, I guess? Like, can people come around always? Can you turn a friend into a long-term partner? Maybe.

I wouldn't wait around for any of it. I would just go live my life. And if they come around, great. And again, listen, they can come around. We've seen it firsthand. I 100% think they can come around. Like, I don't love what that guy did to me last year. Like, towards the end, I thought he, like, was kind of unfair to me.

So if he came around again, I would just be like, eh, you know? But that guy, like, had he been a little better to me in the end, I would have been perfectly happy to walk away from this for the last year. And if he hit me up, go get a drink with him, you know? Yeah, I don't like the way he acted in the end. I don't like his social media. I don't like it's embarrassing. We're not doing that again.

Oh, no, I'm not doing it again. It honestly, listen, hear me out, guys, it is his social media. Guys listen, I was super into him and he's hot and funny and like cool and taller than he looks on the internet. But his social media is cringy and that's really why we're not going to date now. Yeah. Oh, Azul. Azul's like, was I a rebound? No, Azul.

I really had to be ready to take Azul. after the loss. Come on. Come on. Come up here. You guys, I wanted to give a relationship update. We were doing better than ever. Azul is getting more affectionate. A relationship update. I was like about us. No. He's like, honestly, I've forced myself on him physically for so long now that he's becoming more affectionate. I think he's so affectionate. He's with me. Yeah, he's always been with you. Whatever. Don't brag about it. Do we feel like we wrapped everything up? Should we get into some of our specific? Yeah. Like, I think that that was my conclusion. I mean, yeah, could these people come around? Yeah. Could they get over their baggage? Yeah. Anything can have. This guy could fall. I'm not going to wait

around for it. But these are the signs. We just want to give you guys a sign so you know. And well, let's talk about this. Okay. Let's like, what do you, do have any recourse here? Like, again, I think you did a great thing. You were like, hey, I feel like you're not really ready to date. Like you put it out there. I think people are scared to say those words. But I don't think it hurts because, you know, if you really like somebody and you do care about them, they do deserve an explanation, you know? So I think it's just honesty. I think that you can easily be like, hey, I just don't think you're, doesn't seem like you're really over your last relationship.

Like maybe this would be better at a different time down the road. Like, I don't know. I think it's a tough thing. Like, do you stick with it? Do you, do you leave? I mean, a lot of this episode was just kind of recognizing it. But what do you do once you recognize it? I think what I was perfect.

Yeah, of course. And you and I came up with it together. I think what I was perfect. I wanted to say to him in a way that communicated that like I respect him and I like him. And I like him. But like that I have boundaries and I'm going to draw one. Like I wanted to be. that. I don't want to seem insensitive. I don't want to be like you're going through a bunch of

shit and fuck that, you know, or, you know, I'm not going to be around for this. You know, I just, I sent him a text clearly communicated. I like you. It seems like you're going through some stuff. I want to let you go through that. And hopefully, like, at the end of this, you'll come back to me. We can spend some time together. Like, that's it. And he wrote me back a really nice message and was just like, hopefully we can still talk some time. And I, he respected my boundary and didn't continue to erode it. Like, had he kept texting me, I would have gotten a little pissed. You know, because I said, like, you're fucked up. I'm not trying to be around for it.

But I wanted to communicate it in a way that really showed, I do really like you, and I've really enjoyed this. And this sucks for me because, like, I'd like to spend time with you. But, like, I didn't want to be the person that he got over his relationship with. Yes, exactly. And so, yeah, that's what I would do. I would say, like, it just sort of seems like you're going through something. You tell me if I'm wrong.

But it seems like you're sort of going through something. I like you. I'd like to be around you when this is over, but not while you're going through it. And I hope you can respect that. And that's it. And I stood by it and I don't regret anything. Yeah. But yeah, do you always have to walk away?

No. I had to walk away from this person because I was like obsessed with him and he was still so fucked up. But I don't know. I think you can just tread lightly and see where it goes. And if you start feeling bad, then you deal with it. Right. But I don't think you have to walk away from every person that's like going through a rebound. Some people have been broken up.

The relationship has been over for a long time before the breakup. So yeah. Exactly. You just have to feel out the vibe. Okay. we got some submissions from you guys, and I'm going to kick it off and read the first half. Okay, Dick appointments, no dates.

Listen, that could be rebound or not. You know, do the math. He refollowed his ex seven minutes after ending things with me. Yes, I know it was seven minutes. Oh, wow. How'd she know that? She probably was on his Instagram. Okay.

I would probably notice. He called me crying and asked if I would proofread his apology love letter. He wrote to his ex. Oh. They were dating. You guys, so much crying. So many of these were crying. All of the, like 90% of it was crying. Yeah. So they're crying about their ex. It's a huge sign. He posted me, this is it. He posted me as his woman crush Wednesdays. We're still doing that. WCW. And we hadn't even met yet. Wait,

what? They were like, okay. I'm hot. I'm hot, but I'm not that hot. Come on a dating app. Oh, yeah, that's that too soon stuff. Plus, I'm part together for years and you post me with my woman crushed Wednesday. Listen, my ex did that. It was a little too soon. And he used a picture of me as a kid. I was like, now you just look like a pedophile. One of our friends has his girlfriend as a child on the back end of his book.

Julio, Julio Gallerati. They've talked about it on oops. Okay, I saw a text on his Apple Watch from her that said you were the best thing that happened to me in 2020. Okay. Also, you never know. That could just be coming from her. But it sounds like these people, okay, sorry, let me back up. The question we asked you guys was, how did you know you were rebound?

Also, listen, not that much good stuff happened in 2020. So the bar was low. The bar was low. He looked me in the eyes and said, I'd love to see who you're going to marry one day. That made me that so weird. He's like, I'd love to see the person that marries you one day. It's not going to be me?

I think he's just not that into you. He said to me, like, the guy who gets to marry you was so lucky. And you're like, it could have been you. Yeah. He asked me to Facebook stalk her new boyfriend because he was blocked. This is so egregious and so rude. I know. If someone is so blatant to you, like, I'm going to use you to stalk my ex.

Like, just get up and leave and leave him with the bell. Also, sir, I'm already stalking your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend. Okay, I get in there. I know everything. At that point, you're like, honestly, let's just be friends and do this together. Right. Honestly, he's already part of my search history. Okay.

And last one, it kicked me out of the room mid-sex because he said he wasn't over her. That's a sign. Yeah, that's a sign. Yeah. there was a lot of like ghosted me and then got back together with his ex-girlfriend. That's how I knew I was the rebound. I know a ton of it. He got back with his ex.

Yeah, guys. Hot takes. He had framed pictures of them still on the walls. That's what tipped me off. Yep. Artworks got to come down. We got invited to a wedding, but his old girlfriend's name was still on the table assignment. Listen, if, if you weren't a rebound, though, and you were just smooth sailing in this relationship, you guys were killing it,

I'd laugh so hard at that. I'd hold it up and post it. I'd be like, I'm Jessica. I'm like, R&P. R&P. You know, I tagger. That's so funny.

It's also like such a dig from like the bride. She was Jessica's friend. He clearly didn't know my name. All texts started with Hey, You, Hey Stranger. Okay. That's so funny. You're a booty call.

When I caught him crying, looking at pictures of his ex. Yep, that would tip me out. The hole he drunkenly punched in his bedroom wall while crying because he missed her. Yikes. His parents invited his ex

and her parents to dinner while I was there. What? How did this happen? Oh my God. He got mad that she got a dog without telling him. Yeah.

Any kind of weird connection you think that person owes you something? Yeah. Like they're still getting mad about stuff that they shouldn't post breakup and telling you about it is even crazier. Like they can't hold it in.

That's what I'm saying. It's on their mind constantly. Yes. He told me he would absolutely get back together with his ex too. Yeah, that's how you know. When I caught text on his iPad with his most recent ex saying, I had a dream about you. Oh my God. And finally, he would cry after sex. A lot of crying. Lots of crying. Tons of crying. So if any of those things are happening to you, you are probably the

rebound. Yeah. So you decide if you want to stick with it and that's it. Or call him out. Did you see insecure when she started crying and turned? Have you, are you caught up on insecure? Yeah, I saw when she started crying. I have done that before. I was, listen, I went through a really bad breakup. It was before I met with New York. And I had sex with, like we broke up. I had sex with the last person I had sex with before him. He pulled out of me and just busted a load just everywhere. It just like exploded like confetti all over the room. And I burst into tears. I was like, this is so messy. And I can't believe I'm fucking dealing with this. And I burst into tears in his bed. It was so embarrassing. I have never cried after sex.

or during sex or in front of somebody that I just fucked or am dating over somebody else. I've gone home and cried before, but I think I like it don't have it in me. I feel like I won't let myself do it. I feel like I have too much pride. I'm not saying that you don't. But I just,

I've held those moments where I'm like, I feel like I'm going to cry and I just don't. I'm like, I refuse to do it. I feel like it's like, it's just, I feel like I could never get over it. If I cried during sex, like I don't know what it is. Like, I have gone home and cried and be like,

that was all been there. I'm not over somebody or I'm not, know. I was not face to face with him, like, sobbing. He was like behind me. He pulled out. He came everywhere. And I had just like really choked up and got like very upset. But yeah, I wasn't like, I'm not, I'm not trying to like talk to. You didn't cry in his mouth. Yeah, I didn't cry in like Lisa and Nathan. Um, yeah. So I didn't have to do that, but I'm with you. Yeah, I've never like full on burst out crying like that. Do you think Issa is rebounding with Nathan? I can't tell. I know. I think that they want you to believe that like Lawrence is like who she's

really supposed to be with. I know. But like, Nathan's like so great. Like, Why can't your rebound be your long term? Right. You know, it can't be. It can work, you guys. It's going to work. That's going to be me. I go into it.

I'm like, fuck, you pay me. And then I just end up with the person. The moral of this is just hit Ashley up for rebound. If you're hot, money helps. Okay. Well, yeah, this was fun. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Yeah, there'll be more of it in the new year.

Yep. And you guys know where to find us. Everything is going to be at girls gottyup podcast.com. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram. I am Ash Hess on Instagram and on TikTok. I've been talking on TikTok. Don't go over there. Don't judge me.

Raina is ranna. greenberg on Instagram. Girls underscore got to eat on Twitter. And YouTube.com slash Girls Got to Eat. And we will see you in Chicago on Friday. Yes, guys. Have a great week. Bye.