Girls Gotta Eat - So Why Do Guys Do This Sh*t? with Comedian Jared Freid

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

We are so excited to have comedian Jared Freid of the hilariously informative U Up? podcast so we could interrogate him with all of our "Why do guys do this?!" questions. He mansplains it all and introduces us to some fun new concepts like helicoptering, the hookup alley-oop, and Pikachu'ing (what a time to be alive!). And because we all love to play games, we hit Jared with the game he plays on his own podcast -- Red Flag or Dealbreaker? Enjoy, lovers! Follow Girls Gotta Eat on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I call it helicoptering, like just hanging above. Yeah. Ooh, just hanging above, helicoptering around. And then all of a sudden, oh, I'll land on a blowjob. You know, like, I'll land on a 2 a.m. meet up. This is so fucked up. Guys, welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. Welcome back.

We are here at Mouth Media Network, powered by Senheiser. Our cute little studio. Our cute little studio. How are we going to mix up our? We're like, yeah, we're super excited about today's episode. We really are, though. This is a big get for us. We really are excited about it.

We are going to keep the intro super short because we want to get into it. He's a big talker. Well, that's okay. All Jews are. Is he a Jew? What? Yeah, he's a Jew. Okay.

We'll ask him. I'm pretty sure he's a Jew. Anyways, we're really excited and he has a lot to say. So we're going to keep this little short. I just want to maybe catch up on your life for a minute. But before we do this, you are reminder guys to subscribe to this podcast. Keep putting us in your Instagram story. Tell your friends, that is your job.

I would like to put a call out. When you go to a work meeting today, start the agenda with everybody in this room should be listening to Girls' Gotty Podcast. And promptly get fired if you work in a conservative place. Okay, I want to catch everybody up on a couple of things. We talked about your dating life a lot last week, and I want to catch everybody up on all of it. So we met those guys at dinner at OZatar, and that guy put his first and last name, neighborhood, and where we met and not. his phone number. Right.

We asked you guys to just let us know what you think. The consensus is that not that it was a diss, but that he was just too stupid. He was just, he's blinded by how much he was in love with me. It's so funny because now every time I walk by the restaurant, I'm like, what if we see them? It's so awkward. And they're like, we heard the podcast. Oh, my God.

I totally forgot about this. So yesterday I had some dental work done. They numbed all of my mouth, so I couldn't move my face. Like, I've never, I mean, Ashley saw me. It was crazy. And I had to walk from the West Village, my dentist office, to Ashley's apartment in the East Village. And I was like, oh my God, like, what if I see these guys? Like, what if I run into these guys, I know.

On the street. It is crazy. Like, when you live in the, I mean, these fields are just like a small neighborhood. I run in people all the time that live in the neighborhood. You could have just run into them. It's a minefield. I literally, I couldn't close my mouth and I couldn't even swallow without drooling. You didn't even know if your mouth was open.

I had no idea. I had to every few blocks, like, physically take my hand and shut my job. And also, like, white my face. I drool all over my face. Guys, I'm really sexy. And they're like, hey, there's that girl from last week with the podcast. You're like, what? Try to, like, tell this guy off for not putting his phone number and Ashley's phone.

I can't even form words. I'm like drolling all of yours. That was so bad. Oh, my God. Well, yeah. So, no update there, but you guys think he's just an idiot and we concur. So you did have a date with somebody, though, and you scheduled a second date. Did you go on the second date?

What do you think? You already know the answer. No, I'm the worst person. I'm such a date canceler. I just don't feel like it. Listen, here's my view on these online date type of things. In the grand scheme of everybody's life, it's like work, family, friends, alone time, got to go to the gym, got to keep up with my hobbies.

So far down on that list is like going out for drinks with a stranger that you don't know. And so like it's going to be the last priority. And I applaud anybody that can like work. this system because it is work. I mean, yeah. And again, like, I don't know. Like I told you guys before, this was going to be the first time I'd ever gone on a second date with somebody from a dating app and didn't happen.

So I'm just, you know, I don't want to mess that streak up. I'm just the one day girl. I don't know. A few weeks ago I told you guys that I liked a guy and we shut that down too. So we're back to square one. We're back to square one. Oh, fuck that. Okay, well, yeah.

I want to introduce you guys to a guy that I do like as a person, not romantically, but we are so excited this week that we have an awesome comedian in the studio with us. He has his own podcast, plural as well. So welcome to the show, Jared Fried. Great to be here again. I have to let the listeners know. We tried once and the sound was off. So we are repeating, which was one of my best podcasts ever.

So if you want, if you're not, you know, if this goes just okay, just remember the best podcast that was ever taped was lost in the mail. And you can follow me on Instagram at Jared Freed where I'll be posting all fun stuff that would have made it. Oh my God. How to slam us right at the beginning. No, I just want to let people know. Like these things happen. I've been taping podcasts for a long time. Sometimes you lose an episode or two through the cracks and it happens.

So we're here. to talk dating and relationships and to let people know how to live their lives. So I want to start off. So talk about first introduce you up. How old are you from? I'm from outside of Boston. I'm 33. I'm a comedian.

And I have a podcast called the U-WOP podcast. That's every Wednesday afternoon. And then I've had a podcast for like five years called the J-Train podcast where we've always just taken emails from listeners, give them advice. and I know you guys have listened to the UWOP. That's kind of where people have started to know me from now, which is cool, and I'm happy people are enjoying that. Guys, it's so funny.

And it is with one of the creators of Betches. Yeah, we do it at Betches, and those girls have been amazing to me. They've been like an amazing partner throughout doing comedy, and now they've been guests at my podcast, and they're like, hey, we want to do a dating relationship podcast where it's the guy and girl perspective. and listen, I'm not an expert. I don't think anyone that has a podcast about dating relationships should call themselves an expert.

I'm just the guy you dated, the guy your brother, the guy you dumped, the guy who dumped you, the guy you meet on Tinder, Bumbles, Instagram, Hinge, wherever guy you're dating, we're all probably in the center part of the bell curve of the graph. And I kind of speak for a lot of those guys. I like what you had to say. And that's why I found Jared is we were. on the same podcast at different times. And I listened to his and I was like, this guy is great.

Thanks, thank you. Thank you. And also, let's not forget, Jared, is the inventor of the U-Up text. Yeah, this is what I've told people. His Twitter bio says, what, an inventor of the U-Up text? It's been that bio for like probably six years. Wait, I feel like you changed your Instagram bio recently. I used to think it was so, it was so funny. It was fatter and skinnier in real life.

Because I get people that come to me from every, everyone wants to tell you what you look like and it's always insulting. It's never, you look great. People can't stop themselves. People can't shut the fuck up. I went to a wedding and this guy just came up to me. He's like, oh, yeah, so you're like a comedian on?

I was like, I guess. That's how we started. I don't even know this guy. And he's like, you're like a fatter version of your brother. My brother's like right next to me. I was like, oh, thanks. Well, it's nice talking to you. And then like some people like, because I'm like average, you know,

like I'm whatever. Like there's like, you know, some of you were like, well, what are you talking about? That's, you know, I'm this or I'm that. And it's like, I don't know. Just stop telling people who they look like. Why do we have to tell? I know who I look like. Right.

Nobody's ever like, you know what you look like is Giselle. Yeah. No, I got to, I got to, you would know it. I got to an Uber. Like, I got to an Uber going to a very fancy van. I looked the best I'm going to look. Sure. And the Uber driver was like, oh, you really like Barbara Streisand.

I was like, what the fuck? Like an old gym? Yeah. I know my, like, noses on the larger side. Like, I don't need. I was, like, I was upset. Well, there is these things where you can tell if someone's anti-Semitic just by the person they compare you to. Because, like, I get, sometimes I'll get Joey from friends.

And I'm like, okay, I get it. Software features. I'm okay with that. Then I'll get Jason Biggs. And I'm like, oh, you just think Jew McJewstein. Yeah. You saw my face. You're like Jew face.

I've had a lifetime of, you know what you look like? And I'm like, uh, uh, just don't. Let me live in whatever reality I live in, you know? I want to strive to be so famous that, like, people don't tell me that, like, I look like other people, want them to go to other people and be like, like, you know who you look like is that famous podcast girl, Raina Greenberg. So you have this podcast, you have two podcasts, you talk about dating. Are girls, like, constantly sliding into your DMs?

I get a lot of DMs. I think girls don't deal well with, they're not used to asking. Like, I think, like, now we're in this whole new world of, like, you know, girls can like talk to guys, you know, ask guys out, which I think it's fine, but I don't think they're like, they don't think of it. Guys are like, we've been asking girls out and trying for girls our whole lives, so we've been turned down, like, so many times. So like, you know, like the idea that like, I think a girl thinks a lot of times I'll get

a lot of girls that will DM me and be like, because they asked, it's just over. You know, like, they'll say it in a different way, like, we should do drinks. And I'm like, your, your Instagram is private. So what the fuck do I do now? Like, that doesn't offer me the same ability you had to look me up. You got my whole public Instagram. You could listen to hours of podcasts. You're like, I think we'd be great together.

And then I get to see, I have to take out a microscope to see what the fuck you look like. She can write your autobiography. And then, like, you don't know anything about her. Yeah. And it's like, and that's okay. I understand. But then if you're going to DM someone, give them the opportunity to see you in the way that you've seen them. Yeah.

And I think a lot of times, and because here's the alternative. I see your thing going, hey, we should get drinks, and then I follow you. Then I go, ugh. And then I go, no thanks. You were putting me in the position to be the biggest asshole in the world. And sometimes I think girls want a guy to be the biggest asshole in the world, like especially when you end a relationship,

you get a lot of, like, if you're just like, hey, I don't think we're the match, and then she'll be like, why? And you're like, well, I just don't think that, like, you and I are going to, like, go further than we are right now. why you don't think I'm good looking enough you're gonna go fuck other girls and you're like well eventually I'm gonna fuck other girls and it's like then she'll go to brunch and it's like can you believe

he said he wants to fuck other girls and you're like yeah okay I guess like I just think a lot of a lot of relationships you know 99% of the time relationships end for no reason at all it's just not the match and I think that's the hardest ones to leave from those are the hardest ones if someone just

we would all rather walking in on someone fucking someone else then hey I'm just not feeling it Totally, I would. Because if you're walking on someone, fucking someone else, you're like, okay, I get it, I'm out. I know there's a reason.

Everyone, the whole community is going to be, oh, come over to my house for dinner. You'll do a shiva call for like two weeks. You'll sit there. The whole place will make you dinner, you get drinks, no one, you have pain for shit for a month.

Can you believe? Can you believe Ashley's boyfriend was fucking another girl as she walked in with a dinner that she made for him and everyone's like, oh my God, we gotta take care of her. And now you get nuzzled in the breasts of your whole

community. And that's the thing, like, for guys, that doesn't, like, that's not a reality. Like, we don't, like, like, if you're just, if you come to your friends, you're like, he just said it wasn't, he never saw us getting married and it just wasn't the match. They go, okay, well, enjoy hinge. Right. Like, what am I going to talk to my friends about if guys don't just repeatedly, like, do me so wrong, right? Well, this is the thing. Like, so a lot of times, especially with, like, girls getting turned down or getting dumped, they want the most, you dramatic of dumping, the most dramatic

of turning down. And I make this girl specific, and I don't mean to, like, put this on one gender, but it's because, you know, I don't even think they're realizing they're doing it. I don't think they realize that, like, hey, my account's private. I just messaged this guy that we should get drinks. And I'm looking at the miniature, you know, the fucking

guess who board to see what this fucking chick looks like, to see if she's my type. Right. All right. So the moral of your story is if you're going to message a person. Send me a Matt Jared Freight on Instagram. And make sure you're not private. We have to say. stop giving people the benefit of being in the tail parts of the bell curve.

And I talk about the bell curve a lot because I know it's sad, but we're all 10% away from each other. Right. We're all very much alike. The guy that didn't text you back isn't busy. He's just like you. He looked at his phone 500 times a day. Right.

The person that, the person that, oh, he's so busy. Uh-uh. He's not busy. He works. Oh, he's getting to CFA. Who gives a fuck? Everyone's got shit to do. Everyone's busy until they don't want to be busy.

Exactly. Some girl email me, she was like, I've been texting with this guy a month and we still haven't gotten together. And I'm like, a month, a month. You haven't, look, I, listen, as a guy, I can't see a month. I can't see me turning down the possibility of a blow job for a month. Well, okay, you're perfectly seguing. The first thing we want to talk about. I have two podcasts.

I know how to do that. He's a pro. So we want to talk about, this is our main topic. We get questions about this all the time. We discuss it all the time in the podcast as well since episode one. Why do you guys just want to pen pal you to death text you for a month? Like Raina has guys sending your fucking pictures of their food and pictures of their dogs. Jim, selfies.

They won't ask you out. Texting is the most beneficial way to build trust without having to do any effort. Building trust without effort is texting. So you can text a day after day after day, and then you build up, oh, it's like I know this person, but you haven't met in person once. Right. And what guys are trying to do is build up enough leeway with you where it feels like you've known this person a long time that meeting up with them late night isn't the weirdest thing in the world.

Right, because I know you. I know this guy. I know this guy. I know he ate lunch last week. Right. Yeah. I know his dog. He sends pictures.

Oh, I know what his apartment looks like. Yeah, bitch, but you haven't met once. You haven't even fucking smelled the dude And he wanted you to suck his dick Late at night And I'm not saying people who fall into this trap Are abnormal They're just I'm

I said we're 10% away from each other Okay, we're not that different So I understand I empathize with the person that's like Because I have a lot of people in my life That I feel I know better than I actually do Because we've texted so much Because oh they respond to every one of my Instagram stories They respond with oh I love

that dress you wore on the Instagram store. I love, oh, you got a good tan, you're looking good. You get to a point with these people where it's like, you know, guys just want to meet up with you without the commitment of the built-in commitment of a date. So when we get to the point of like we're texting for a month, oh, why do they hover? I call it helicoptering, like just hanging above. Yeah. Ooh, just hanging above, helicoptersing around.

And then all of a sudden, oh, I'll land on a blowjob. You know, like, I'll land. on a 2 a.m. This is so fucked up, but it's so accurate. Wait, so can I ask a question? So are men and women at all times just locked in this power struggle of like, I'm going to make him like me by withholding sex and I'm going to make her have sex with me by creating this false sense of security?

People have to own what they want more. People have to own who they are and what they want. And I think we're getting to that point. I think we're moving towards that just because like women are becoming less judgmental of each other. you know, with sex stuff and, you know, and, hey, I had a one-night stand and girls don't look at her like, what on the Scarlet A? Like, yours are like, oh, cool, I had a one-night stand too. My doorman judges me too. Like, we're all coming towards, and guys have to be more honest with what they want and not worry, and understand they're not that great. If you go away, she's going to be fine. Darwinism.

We're all going to survive. Right. Like, every guy thinks that, you know, there's an ego to it. Like, oh, I got, I got to let this girl think that I want to be in a relationship so I don't crush sure, but I just want to fuck. And, you know, some people are up for that game. They're like, hey, I'm in for it too. Let's get physical. Let's have a fun time. Let's see where this goes.

And I think also, like, owning what you want is just so important to that. Like, hey, I'm texting you because I want to go on a date. And then saying to the person, when can we go out? And if he says, ah, next week, I'm busy, next week, I'm busy. Next week, I'm busy. That's a guy who doesn't want to go out with you. And that's okay. Move on.

There's a lot of people out there. There's, you know. I think, like, the thing that Rain and I always talk about is, like, we just don't don't girls, at least us and a lot of girls that we know, we just don't want to put that kind of time into texting. Like, girls are like, I want to go out with you and see if we vibe and then maybe potentially date and guys are over here like, are they texting a bunch of girls? Like, is this whole- Yes, they are. They're texting a bunch of girls, but they're also like a lot of times when the text hovering happens. I always like, if you want to fuck, like if you want to go

out and hit, you know, hit something up, like I've had a good time, the apps, the best time I've always had is when it happens right away. Like when it's like, hey, I'm out right now with a couple friends come meet up. We're going to be hanging out. That's low stakes. I'm with a friend. You're with a friend. Come on out. We're going to be partying. We're having shots and drinking. You're in your 20s. Why not? But when it gets to the point of the texting and the hovering, it's the problem with these dating apps is you don't know what people are there for. Everyone doesn't know, like, everyone's like, oh, that's a hookup app. That's not. We don't know. You don't know what people are on there for, like what they're actually. And a lot of times people don't know what they're looking

for. They can meet the right person and be like, this is a, is it. This is the, I've, I've achieved the goal. But if you go into these dates and you're like, if you're on these apps and you start texting and then it becomes, oh shit, we've been messaging on this app, I have to either ask on a date or stop talking to this person. You do get to a point. Sunday night, you read download the app because you're a sad, pathetic person. You read download the app. You're like, okay, I'm going to go on here. I'm in my sweats. Keep swiping. You find someone you start talking. Monday you're talking. Tuesday you're talking. He's like, fuck, I'm going to make a decision. I got to ask her on a date or what are we doing. But then you're on a date. And the date

to a lot of guys, it feels like first date, second date, third date, fuck. And now you're stuck in this like, okay, now I'm going to break up with this person. So a lot of these guys are choosing. Or date her. I don't know. Or date her. But also, if you're a guy not looking to be in a relationship, that's why these guys that aren't looking to be in relationship, they end up hovering. Right. Because they're like, hey, well, why don't I just keep texting until we're both as convenient to one another as possible that meeting up at 11 at a bar that I have no other options, but I got this girl on the line for texting, might meet up and we'll have a little fun because the trust has already been built up. And there's nothing, to me, like, I think about this and there's nothing wrong with it. Like, there's nothing wrong. Like, you don't owe somebody anything just because you're texting on an app.

You don't owe them dinner. Well, isn't that the whole point? Like, isn't that the whole point? But there's nothing wrong with it until you're doing it. it for so long that it's like, dude, we know what you're doing. But then it's up to the girl to not do it. And then it's up to the two-way street. Girls could be like, hey, you know, a lot of girls are worried about being too much. The idea of girls calling themselves crazy has saved men for centuries. You know, I don't want to be too much. I don't want to be crazy. Well, to say

to someone that you've been texting people for a week, hey, what's your plan this week? I'm around Friday. Let me know your plan. Isn't crazy. That's not a lot. And if it's a lot for someone, that's not your someone. Well, that's the perfect move I think is like to shut this down. Because I run in this a lot, this like pen-palling thing, and I think to shut it down, you don't want to be like, are you never going to ask me out? You just say, I'm free on Tuesday night if you want to do something. If the person like keeps doing this, then like walk away from it. He's like, a month, a month is crazy. You give people one chance, I think, especially because no one owes us anything. Just because you match doesn't mean you're out of date, whatever. Just because you talk on an app

doesn't mean that it's going to move towards a date. But, you know, hey, let's do something next week. Oh, it doesn't work out. Let me know about the week after on free Wednesday. And then there's their second chance. But then if they do it, then you go. And if they don't, okay, fine. But I think there's self-responsibility. And also, like, I don't think there's a struggle as much as, like, you have to own the things you like and have a standard.

And that's easy for me to say, more easy to say than to do. But there are moments where you're going, hey, like, I have people that email me all the time and I read the emails, and they've answered their own question. Right. You know, sometimes it's just writing out. Hey, I've been seeing this guy. an email to yourself. I've been seeing this guy. This happened, this happened, this happened. And then you see the things that you've written out are all things you don't like. So you don't

like this guy. Just because they're responding to you doesn't mean they're the right person. So I want to say two things to you. I had a situation which we'll talk about. But I told Ash about and she goes, Raina, can you fucking imagine if one of our listeners told us that a guy was treating them like that? You would be like, fuck this guy. That was coming out of my mouth too. But texting to me is like the lowest form of commitment in the world. And we have to like get out of our minds that like just because I text with this person all day long. I know what they had for breakfast, what they did at the gym and where they walked their dog. You don't know this person.

So don't like misinterpret text messaging as like any kind of connection with a person. Also, it's not responding is so powerful. Like if you just write back, like if you just like if someone's texting you all day and you feel like you're getting like hovered over, like you get the helicopter guy, you just don't respond for a day and wait until he asks what's been going on where you've been. Because he will ask. And then you just say, busy. with work, I'm free next Tuesday.

Let me know if you want to get together. Right. And then that's, now you've changed, you've taken a hard right. Like, you don't have to live in the reality that's been created. When you kind of take the power back a little bit, and I think, you know, I've been dating for a long time, and my 30s, like, I'm kind of at the point like my tolerance or bullshit is so low and, like, you guys are pretty predictable. That's why we tell

girls, like, what to do, that's exactly what we would say. He's like, don't text them back. Give it like 24 hours. See what happens. His whole tone will change. Yeah, and it's also like, you know, it's okay to want, a one-night stand too. Like, you know, like, these are all okay things to want. Oh, yeah. The fact is, just know that guys are built on ego, and we never think that you want a one-night stand.

Right. We always think you want a relationship. We just always do. Because we're great because my mom said I'm handsome. You know, so now I think I'm the best in the world. It's hard to look at a situation and self-evaluate. Like, I was in a situation recently. Like, I spent all day giving other people advice about what to do in their life because it's so easy to look at other

people's situations. I had this situation that now is so clear to me, but like, I was dealing with this for weeks. Well, it's clear to us, especially after talking to Jared or round one. But we've touched a little bit on the texting that you dealt with with this guy. But like the crazy thing with that guy is that he kept like, quote unquote, trying to make plans with Raina that like weren't realistic. Like, give an example.

I'll just tell you what happened with this guy. So I met this guy. I really like him, super smart and funny and nerdy. And I just thought like, I mean, you can't just assume somebody wants to date. you, but I thought, like, we could hang out. We've had a good good connection. Good banter.

Let's go out. It's really what you want. Let's go out of a drink. Let's see if we have good time. Over the course of, like, a few weeks, he asked me out five times over, we'll say two weeks. And every single time was like some last minute, like, hey, if you're free, come to this. And then one of the times he asked me to come meet him at three o'clock on a Tuesday.

Like, who can just drop everything at three o'clock on a Tuesday? You started to get ready. I started to get ready. And by the time I got out of the show. May. May. Well, I don't have a job. So I'm different.

But he's like, hey, you want to come meet me? I'm, like, working at this place, whatever. I'm like, great, I'll meet you in two hours. I just got back from working out. I work out once a year. So it takes me a while to get ready after. And by the time I got out of the shower, he, like, had matriculated other plans. He was like, I asked, I said I'll come there at five.

And he was like, yeah, I just had a meeting come up at six. Like, I agreed to go do this. And he was like, yeah, something else. Who just poof and has a meeting at six o'clock? Seriously, though. Yeah, he's just, you know, he wants to look like he's giving effort. Like, all this is to look like the effort of non-effort. Like, to him, he thinks that if you guys get together for a date, then now there's this, like,

small print on the contract that, like, we've gone on a date. So that means we got to go on second date. That means now I'm in the, you know, the line of things, how they go. And that's just what he thinks. He thinks it's going to be. And for him, now. Now, you know, a month from now, you'd be like, well, we've been, at least he can always go, well, I tried.

Look at it. I tried to make the day. So you guessed it. So after you canceled on me that day, the next day he starts responding to me on both of my Instagram accounts. He's like, DMing you need my stories. Deep helicopter and deep helicoptering. And I was, I just shut it down.

I was like, look, I don't like what you did yesterday. I thought it was really weird and rude. And I'm just, I'm not going to do this thing where you, like, respond to all my stories. So let's just, no hard feeling. let's just end this. Sure. And he texted me right away. I'm so sorry. I keep trying to see you.

It's like... Well, this is the thing. Guys are obsessed with not, with being not... Guys are obsessed with being a good guy. Right. So, yeah, with like being known as a good guy. And, I mean, we want to wrap things up with people. We want people to look at us in good terms.

So for him, he wants to look at you and go, we've tried to go out. I've tried to make plans. They just don't work out. And in the, you know, as you get farther away, it's like, that gaslighting thing. Oh, God, yeah. That's kind of what he's doing. He's being like, well, I did try to make a plan,

but then he suddenly leaves out that he's canceled every single plan. Yeah, exactly. You know, like, this is what he's doing. He's trying to look at a court, you know, of our peers, a jury of our peers and go, but we, I went and tried to make plans four different times, and she couldn't go to the one plan. He'll probably make plans when he knows you can't come.

Exactly. Yeah, you make plans when he knows you can't come or play. You know, that's what he does a 330 thing. He's like, she'll never be able to, come to this. Well, he knew, so he knew that she started to get ready and he, like, panicked. Hey, oh my God, she's actually going to come to this fucking church bakeoff at 3.30 in Harlem. How'd that happen?

I never thought she'd go for that. Well, and you had a great point before on the lost audio of, like, guys just want to keep the ball in the air. Yeah, keep it going. You just want, I call it the hookup alleyute. And this is something that I've been talking about for a long time. The hookup alleyute. And guys do it when they're in. relationships a lot, but like all they're trying to do an Alleyoop in basketball for the

anyone who doesn't follow basketball is you have the ball and you throw up a lob and then your teammate slam dunks the ball. Okay. Okay. The hookup Alleyoop is you lob the ball to your future self to slam down for a blowjohn. So my question to you is, so all I guys do this when they're in a relationship, they'll go, they'll go, they'll, key, like if a girl DMs them, hey, what's going on? Would you want to get drinks?

Hey, sorry I can't. They didn't say, hey, I have a girlfriend. They say, hey, sorry I can't tonight. Maybe next week. Oh, maybe in two weeks. Maybe in three weeks. Now he's putting off this hookup to slam dunk while

he's basically lobbing relationship him is lobbing single him in the future a blow job. And that's the hookup value. So like this guy is hookup. up al-uoping himself. He keeps creating plans and canceling him or knows that you can't make the plan so that in the future, at some point, he can cash you in. You know that I actually just realized

he just had this epiphany. He asked me to hang out another time when he knew I had to record in the morning. He was like, do you want to, I'm having a bunch of friends over tonight. Do you want to come over? And I was like, he knew that I wouldn't be able to because I had to prep for the podcast. I can't be hung over in the morning. And that's him like, he knows that it looks good to make a plan. Guys know that like women really value a guy who makes a plan. And that's hot to them. So, hey, I'll keep making plans that don't exist. And now I'm like this worthwhile guy that like, and then when the plans do happen,

it's going to be on his most convenient terms. Oh, that was the thing. He was always wanting her to go to him. Yeah, come to me. Oh, yeah, I've already like been at this bar for two hours. There's no other options. You're someone that I'll get with. Come to this bar.

Then now all the chick, you walk in. It's just a dude factory. You're like, oh, why did I come here? It's because I needed a woman. Right. You've been texting in the above. Eventually, like, eventually, like, I would think you'd want to try to get the blow job. Well, yeah, but, like, guys, the thing right now with dating is it's easier than it's ever been to find someone.

It's also harder than it's ever been to keep someone. Yeah. So, with that being said, guys love finding new girls. It feels good. Okay. Girls love keeping the same guy. We do. I got to catch them all.

Gotta catch them all. It's a Pokemon, got to catch them all. Pikachu chewing. Just going out and getting as many different Pikachu's as possible, different types of Pokemon, and trying to catch them all. This is what guys are doing. We just want to go out and find new girl, new girl, new girl, new girl,

masturbate to them all, and then forget them all and find a new batch of Pokemon to catch for the next time. It's just what it is. And that's what feels good. And at some point, like, I watch The Bachelor. I love The Bachelor. I live tweet every episode of The Bachelor. Yeah, you're great at it.

Thank you. I do a review of all the Bachelor at Contestown. Bachelor is different than Bachelor, but I do a review of all the contestants. I've been doing it for years. I look at their bios, and I make snap judgments based on their pictures and bios. For the Bachelor at, the male contestants, the idea that a 25-year-old is going to come on this show,

get 100,000 new female followers and then just be like, time to get married is insanity that he's going to be able to ignore 50 DMs a day. That's why age plays such a part of it. The Bachelorette, Rachel, he was 33, 32, 31, the chiropractor. He had a job. He was all set up. The guys that go through with this whole thing on the Bacheloret are usually older guys because they're exhausted.

Right. They don't have the energy to go and fucking answer it. There'll be five DMs in and they're like, like, okay, I've already blown my load three times. I need to have a girlfriend. Right. So I do think that there's, like, energy has a lot to do with this thing. But you bring up something good that I wanted to talk to you about. Is he just, like, segue in perfectly today? Or is that just amazing? He's professional. So I want to segue into another topic I want to talk about, which is like, I think all women are like, okay, is it all bad out there? Like, what is the

end game here? And, like, I sort of feel like women, you said, like, women are always looking for an answer and sometimes there isn't. Sometimes you were the most beautiful. interesting, exciting person in the world. Not sometimes. All the time. Anyone who gets dumped is a worthwhile person. Anyone who doesn't have it work out with a guy, you're worthwhile. There's a butt for every seat.

There's a guy masturbating to feet. Okay? You're someone's foot. I mean, I know that doesn't, you can look at that as inspiring or defeating. But the fact is, it's going to happen. It's going to have someone out there. All my friends were a lot like me, and they're all figured it out. married baby's done.

The dream. So where I'm going with this is, do you think men just hit an age that they're like, okay, I'm going to turn the cab light on, I'm just ready. Or a time, or whatever, age time. No, I think it's more, I think a lot of women like ignore the financial responsibilities that men bear the burden of. Well, I guess our thing is, like, I always say that women don't have the one that got away because women will change their whole lives when they meet the right person.

They could be like not knowing with their future holes in their career. They'll move cities. They'll change jobs. And then guys, like, I swear guys have a one that got away. because they met that person and they let her slip away because their finances weren't in order. They didn't have, it wasn't the right time in their life. They were too young. Absolutely.

We feel like it's such, we hear this time and time again, guys are like, it wasn't the right time. Like, they have to be in this like mindset of committing. Well, I, some might think that this isn't fair, but I, I just think, like, first of all, like, a lot of women will change their whole lives in a way that you can't believe for men and, like, that I can't believe. And I think of a lot of, like, listen, I was brought out, you, a lot of guys were brought. brought up in a house where the dad was the breadwinner, mom might have stayed at home, and they're like, that's what it is to be a man. This is what it is. I have to grow up to be a breadwinner for a household, and at 24, 25, 26, whatever the age may be,

they're looking at their career now and their aspirations, and maybe they're not working out, and it's not the future they saw it being, and maybe it's going to be a two, maybe most of these houses when we get to a certain age are going to be two. earner households. And then that's a different thing. That's a switch guys have to figure out. Like, you know, I'm not saying, I'm not giving, letting people off the hook as I'm just saying, like, that's the reality.

Like, you're going into a brave new world of the working world. Where for men, like, if you saw your status was equal to, like, can I provide for my home, but now that's not the reality of your future. You'd be like, I'm not going to fucking settle down until I know I can do that. And we know that women, the minute the clock starts, it fucking starts. First date, second date, third date, fuck. Fourth date, fifth date, trip.

I think you skip to stop. For me, it's Instagram story. Instagram post. Instagram story, then trip? Official Instagram. So first date, second date, third date, third date, fuck. Fourth date, fifth, date, six date, Instagram story. Seven date, eight, date, nine date, Instagram post.

10th date, 11th date, 12th date, weekend trip. marriage, baby's death. And we know the clock starts. But with women, it starts. Right. Woody Allen said it. Relationships are like sharks. They keep moving forward or they die.

So that to me is so apt for that. So like a lot of guys see that, like, oh, I've started with someone. Race has started. She's got her friends. They're doing trips already. She's got to get to trips. You know? And it's like a lot of guys aren't at the trip stage.

A lot of guys are just sitting there being like, I can barely fucking get my rent together. And I don't even know what my next job's going to be. And I think like, like you said, like women will move or they'll change jobs a lot of times because they're like, I just, they'll be like, I don't care what he does. We're just going to be together and love will conquer all. Guys are not as fucking romantic with that shit. Guys will be like, well, what if we can't pay rent? You're going to leave me for the guy that can be right. So do you think like this guy's being ready is like this combo of like financial security and you fucked enough shit?

and then like it comes together in this like... I don't think the fucked enough chicks thing is is what it's as much as it's played up to be. Like I think a lot of guys just want their freedom to do to like get to the place they want to be. And also, you're not the match. Also, we can blame whatever the fuck we want. But a lot of guys I know want to fuck a lot of chicks

and are still with the girl that they love. Yeah. So like, listen, I don't think that ever goes away. I don't think I ever will get on a subway and not go, fuck, look at that chick. And then go to the next subway car. and go, that chick's better. Yeah.

That one, that one, that dude, fine. You know, like I, you know, I don't think that'll ever come out of me. And I think that's just the reality of, you know, how we're built up. But I do think that the financial stability and like my job security and things and whether I can grow as a person is something that doesn't get talked about a lot. Right. It doesn't, especially from the female side. Like if they say, well, he's busy. If he's, you know, oh, it ended because.

he wants to focus on his career, that is always considered bullshit because they're like, well, if it was the right match, it would have worked out. No, I don't. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think that. I mean, and my best guy friend, I mean, when he, when he first started, like, building his business, making money, like, no girl could, like, penetrate that.

Like, it was just like, he was like, I'm not having a girlfriend. I'll fuck chicks. He, like, definitely did that. And, I mean, he, when he, it finally got together, I don't know how much money he has in his accounts and his business was together. And he was, like, time to get a while. Or it's not even like the money. It's like more like, oh, I see the path.

I see what's going to happen. You know, like I do stand up every single night. When a girl like, when I'm asked like, what about next week? I'm like, I'll be on stage and I'm like, well, what's the night? You know, maybe I have an open night once a week. What's your priority? That is the priority. Maybe I have one night once a week.

And then the next week they're like, well, what's that? I'm like, I can meet up late after shows. Well, when do you take a night off? I don't. And like, I don't mean that is like, I'm not saying my time is above your time. time, I'm saying this is what fulfills me and feels like I'm getting to the next step so that I can have a life. Right.

So that at 50, I don't have to go every night. Well, and I think that the message I would like to send to females is like when you get that vibe from somebody like Jared Fried that's like just on this mission with comedy and that's, you can clearly tell that's your priority. It's like, if your priority is to find somebody and get married soon, maybe you need to walk away from that person. Like, they could be like, Jared's so funny and I like spending time with them and this and this. It's like, that's, you're, you're impenetrable. Yeah, and I think

certain guys are just closed off to the idea. And also, that's up to the guy to be like more honest about what he's looking for. And say, hey, you know, and it's okay to be in a relationship with someone and be like, hey, I'm trying this and then being like, oh, this is the end of the road. Right. This is all I got. I can't do the trip. I can't do the wedding next year. Like, I can't sign up for that with everything because I'm already, I'm dating something else. Yeah. And I think that's, I was my point which is like it sometimes it doesn't matter that if you are the most interesting, smart, amazing human being in the world.

Like if somebody's not ready to be in that, it doesn't matter. You could lose 20 pounds and change your job. It doesn't matter. But also the guy has to also be like, hey, this is what I want. Right. If you don't want that. We all, the hardest thing for us, the easiest thing for us to give advice on, the hardest thing to take advice on is kind of what I'm noticing is saying, here's what I want.

You can get in the car or you cannot. I'm going to be driving. And a lot of girls, you know, when they say, well, I don't want to, like, you know, I don't want to be too much. That's them saying, I don't want to tell them what I really want. Right. Because I'm afraid that they're going to dump me. But it's not as personal as that.

Well, like, what's the alternative? Like, with this guy who, like, I just ended up, like, shutting things down with, like, should I have just said to it? Like, I'm not going to say to a person realistically, like, hey, like, I thought we should, like, you know, hang out and give us a shot. Sure. Like, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, but you could say I'm your girl that's out.

in the city, wants to have fun, wants to go out for a drink with a guy. Right. That's not so hard to, that's not such a big thing. You're not asking for anything more than that. Come and spend a night with me. And if he's like not even willing to do that, like, then that's your standard. Your standard is I want to meet someone who's fun to go out with. Right.

You're not even getting beyond that. Right. And it's like, if he can't do that, he's the one getting beyond it. He's saying, well, if I go spend a night with her and then we hook up, then maybe she'll think it's something more. And he's the one getting ahead. Guys get ahead way more than girls. girls get ahead with like you know could I be with this person could I see a life with this person

guys get ahead with is she going to be obsessed with me it's so true and it's like yeah it's like chill out like why don't you go out and fucking have one drink and I'm guilty of that I'm not saying I'm absolved that I'm just saying that's like it's a normal thing that I see for and I think that girls get like blindsided and breakups because the guys like held this stuff in he's like I can't hurt her feelings she's obsessing me. And then they just literally break and they break up with someone out of the blue. And the girl's like, wait, what the fuck? Like, I wish I just wouldn't have had a warning.

Yeah. You know. But what's the warning? Like, I don't know what the warning is. Like, what do you be like, ah, listen, bitch. No, I mean, I'm a big fan of, like, sitting down and being like, hey, this isn't cool. I don't, you know, like, just being honest with your partner. And like.

Yeah, but that's a tough thing. That's a tough thing. True, true. Yeah. I guess I mean more relationships. Like, I know girlfriends that have gotten, like, fucking blindsided when they're like, wait, what the, I thought we were like about to get engaged, and now you're just like, oh, this is over.

I mean, that happens a lot. Yeah, Raina was, her engagement party was next morning and he came home and broke up with her. I mean, what? He just came home? Yeah, he came home at 5 o'clock in the morning. He was drunk, and he woke me up, and he said, I'm drunk. Yep. He said, I'm not in love with you anymore and I don't want to marry you.

This is so funny because, like, is it funny, Jared? No, no, no, no, not your situation. I'm saying, it's funny because I was saying in the beginning, like, women use certain words to get people on their side. It's like, you're like, he's drunk. Like, this is worked out. This has worked out feel bad for me material, which I do, it's a horrible story.

I'm not saying it isn't. I don't think I'm asking for sympathy. I'm making sure nobody hears it. It's like, you know what? You're being a little too sensitive about what I'm. I know, but I'm saying it's funny because, like, you know the specifics to put it. Well, I'm going to articulate you.

Five in the morning. Five in the morning, drunk. I think that it's pertinent. It's pertinent. funny because this is a very real you're very right to put in that information but it's like this happens a lot like I got a girl she was like we know how to tell a fucking story but this also wasn't like a grown up situation where a sober adult man talked to his sober adult fiance in the middle of the day at an appropriate time like I just want you to know like in addition to humiliating me

he had to like only do it drunk at five in the morning but you're right like we know how to tell a story to be the victim yeah yeah yeah but I'm saying I once ended a girl, we were like dating for like a month and a half or something. And I was like pushing off dates, pushing off dates, pushing off dates. And I text her, I was like, hey, listen, I'm going to cancel night. I just don't see us like being really in a relationship. So I'm going to like end this now. I really am sorry.

And she, her text back was like, I can't believe three o'clock on a Thursday is when you would send it. Shut up. And I'm just like, when would you like to be done? That literally sounds like the perfect time. I was like, I am at work, and it is three and a half weeks before my half birthday. And like, this is always, I'm just saying, like, you're very right to keep these details make sense to me. Your details, but I'm saying, I could tell, I could like literally hear her at a brunch tale being like, can you believe text, over text, we're like a month in, he canceled seven times before this happened.

My half birthday. My half birthday is coming up. You know how important it is for me to have a half birthday on a Wednesday. And he had to end it at work at three o'clock when I have a report due four days later. And it's like I could see her get rallying the troops to like make this like a bigger deal than it had to be. I'm not saying the drunk and find. 5 a.m. isn't like a big deal. It sounds like you're telling me I was being too sensitive.

No, I'm not saying you're being too sensitive. I'm saying the story's been worked. Like, I know, I know that the story has been told, and then your mom looked at you and goes, and he was drunk. Like one aunt comes in, 5 a.m. Who does it at 5 a.m.? Like, I can see the table of Jews congregating at this Shivacal. I need you to just give me this.

If I left that out, you'd be like, I'm saying it's emblematic. of other people. Like your situation is rightfully a horrible, like, story. I'm saying there are other people that are out there doing what you did, but for a very much lesser story. Like,

and you can't believe I had one sock on. He knows to do this after I've had both socks on. Like anyone, dumping sucks. Ending things suck. It's never at the right time. There's never been such a thing as, like, two people look at each other going, are you done? I'm done. Let's go.

Goodbye. I realize, as I realized this, I realized, like, how much I was the man in my last relationship, but he was the girl. Did he do that? I can't believe you would say this when I'm wrapping up at work. Yeah. What is I've done it before your shift? Anybody getting dumped can sound like, like, like, like, tragic. Like, can you believe he would do such a thing?

I'm at work on a Wednesday. A Wednesday. Like any, anybody who's been dumb can sound like they, like they're. have a horrible, like you're, so 5 a.m. Drunk. Yagermeiser. Can you believe he was drinking yagerma? I can't smile the anchor miser. Who drinks ankerbyser?

Like, these stories become things that like friends all. I want to say, though, I prefer the gift of somebody doing something extra horrible. Like, I would prefer. That's what I'm saying. It's a gift. It's a gift. It's a gift because everyone fucking knuzzles you. No, it's real.

I got to say this. I, you guys are so accurate. Like, I remember when I was in Miami and I, I was like, how am I going to end this with this guy? And when he yelled at me at dinner for texting, I was like, there it is. Yelled at you at dinner for texting. We had been like, this was the guy I shouldn't have even gone to visit.

And we had this thing in Miami. And I was just being an asshole. I didn't care anymore about this guy. So I was not. I mean, we've all done that. I was texting at dinner. I just don't know how this is going to work. I'm texting at dinner and he got to a breaking point.

And he was like, can you just like not text at dinner? Like I called you down here to hang out with me. And I was like, there it is. All I needed. and now you yelled at me and now I get to go home. You are the man in the relationships. Men just, like, gaslight the shit out of you. They would, like, look at their phone for a whole hour,

and you're like, can I just maybe, like, get your attention or five minutes? And they're like, you're crazy. I can't believe. You won't even ever let me text my mom. I debated him so badly. And I was like, the second he raised his voice at dinner, I was like, oh, I text my girlfriend. So I was like, I'm out of here. It's funny that, like, that's a lesson for any fight.

No fight is about the fight. Right. It's about something else. Like, hey, you keep. texting during dinner isn't you keep texting during dinner it's I feel uncomfortable oh yeah in this relationship I didn't have sex of the night before it was like oh yeah so he's got full of come oh no just fucking sitting there sitting on his own fat balls I like pushed him to a breaking boy yeah yeah yeah that's okay yeah we've all done that we've all yeah the goal of any

breakup is to get the other person to break up with you before you have to do it to them and that's the goal that's we talked this for that situation I was kind of an asshole sure and I don't care and he never needs to forgive me. Desperate times, desperate measures. But like we've talked to this before where guys do bad things and then they have to be absolved from it and they have to be forgiven and they'll hound you and they'll stare at you in the bachelor while you cry. Oh yeah, Ari.

I was like, this guy. How could Ari not leave? He just dumped Becca, just leave. And I'm like, no, we guys think they can just wrap it up in one couch sitting. And girls are like, I know I was an asshole. That's fine. Yeah. You know, and guys are like, you have to tell me it was okay.

I have to hear it was okay. I have to know that my mom can love me still. Righto, so what happened? So 5 a.m. he comes home. Where was it? He was a bartender, so he was at work and he went out after drinking with some friends. And he was just like, this isn't going to happen. Yeah, he, like, woke me up and was just, I was upset because he had told me he was going to stop coming home at 5 in the morning.

But he's a bartender. I think his chef ended up, like, one, and he owed me a lot of money, and our engagement party was that weekend. And I just, like, it asked him to stop going on getting all fucked up all the time and spending all this money. like maybe come home at two instead of five. Really, I mean, it makes no difference because I was going to be asleep, whether he came home at two or five. Anyways, I was just sort of like weeping. I was like, I thought you weren't going to do this anymore.

Like, come on. And he was like, well, jokes on you because we're not going to get married. It's interesting that you were like, he owed me all this money, yet we're like, let's get married. Like, to me that's one of those things that like, she was a lot younger. As a man, though, like, I don't know. I guess, like, I have friends that are married and the one thing they come back with is like they're like, it's more math. thematical than romantic a lot of this stuff.

And that's like stuff they've said to me where they're like, yeah, you have to like fit with each other in a way that's not romantic. It's contractual. There's a contractual thing. Yeah. So like I, so when I hear like, you know, like let's just like, you know, it's like the couple being like, let's just have a baby. It's like, yeah, the baby's not going to fix anything.

The marriage is not going to fix the money issues. You know, I don't know. No, we've talked about us before about how like, I think when you sign up for a relationship, you sign up for like the highs and lows. And so, like, I didn't realize, like, when he had these lows, like, lending him money would make him feel so emasculated. You don't, like, think that far down the road. You're just, like, this person needs me. I signed up.

I love him on condition. I'm helping. But you're young, and you're like, this is what he needs to be, like, ride or die. Like, it'll come back to me. One day, I'll be in a, in the hole, and he'll help me out. And, like, they can be hot and funny and amazing and support you and you, and you trust them. They would never cheat on you. But you have to wake up one day and be, like, you're never going anywhere.

Yeah, it's also not hot to be like, hey, can we stay in tonight and cook? because I can't afford to go out to dinner this Saturday. Right. And it's like, then you're like, oh, man, now I'm cereal dinner family. We were going to do a whole episode about money and I'm really excited about it. But do you think that men can exist in a relationship long term where like the other, the female makes so much more money and is more successful? Yeah.

I think that's like, I think like, I think that can work. I think it also like, you know, you got to establish a lead and a backup. Like, you know, Chris Rock said it. Someone's got to play tambourine, you know, like. But don't you think from a. people, it's more comfortable for everybody when the man is at that way. I think that's just like all like how the relationship works. Like like, you know, I think people who are intimidated by what other people do, like that's their own problem, not the other person's problem. Like the,

and maybe this isn't the match for you. Um, no, but like I, you know, I have a lot of women like right in and they're like, well, I'm, every time someone got here, I'm a doctor, they get weird. And I'm like, to me, that's hot as shit. You know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, where to put a finger in my ass during a blowjob. Like, that's great. You know, like, you know all the science to that, which is fun. But also, like, you're doing shit. But also, like, I think the people that are the least passionate about something

get intimidated by other people's passion. Right. So they're like, well, where's my passion? Maybe your passion is just having a family and, like, being with this person. That's okay. But I think a lot of times if you see someone that's, like, hard charging, driving towards a goal, people take it as like, oh, well, I don't have that, so I'm going to lash out of them because I don't have that same thing going on.

It's always someone's own shit. Totally. It's always, yeah. But like, if I, listen, if I, I will gladly have a sugar mom. Yeah? Happily. Are you kidding me? All right.

So I want to, we do like a little game with everybody at the end. We play mansplaining a lot. We have men explained situations to us, but that was this whole episode. So I want to play, Ashley won't let me call it deal or no deal. So Red Flagger, I asked a lawyer if we could call it out and they said no. That guy that you were dating? Is that good? No, I asked another alert.

Because it's already a thing. Anyways, red flagger, deal breaker. That's the show you guys do, right? We do it at the end of ours, yeah. Yeah. So I have, like, one that I'm super curious about. Somebody has a huge bush of hair, a female. I'm in a bush.

You are? Yeah, I think it marks a sexuality. I have this theory on it. Waxing is now the normal. Yeah. Like, that's just what people do no matter what. So it's different. So now, whereas Bush,

Bush, let's go back to like the 70s. Bush was like everyone had Bush. And then the girls who wax were like, ooh, they're thinking about it. They're thinking of sex. They're getting rid of the hair. They're preparing themselves. Nowadays, everyone wax, now it's flipped. Wax is just what people do.

Not even for a guy. Now if I see a bush, I'm like, ooh, they've fashioned this. This has been thought out. It's sexual. It's womanly. It's like a landing shop or like a 1970s. Like spread out to their thought. eyes. That's just lazy.

No, fashion, but not to the thighs, but also like, like just the V. I was dating a girl at it and I was like, it was sexy. It was womanly. It was very nice. I think that's actually, I hear, I've been hearing a lot of that. Like, no, guys don't want this overgrown push out to your thighs. But like, I think that they, yeah, I hear a lot of guys say that they don't like the full bald little girl vagina. That's, I mean, I'm not like going to toss it away, but I did date a girl who was fashioning like it looked like the Botticelli

Right Like it was like A landing strap or an afro It wasn't a little like a triangle It was just like a triangle Like it was a little too much To me Like I don't get the landing strap

It's like Edward Scissorhands I don't get it This was just more like It just looked natural Like it was so natural It wasn't like You know It wasn't poofy

but it was I thought it was hot it was womanly I just thought it was like really turned me on I got a ton of bush we're going to do an episode on grooming because I am so curious about guys

like what they're doing down there I'm trying to go with the number two like I want some hair like the the shaver the number two like a wiffle a summer haircut you know I try to

keep up as much as possible but I've had I've gotten I've let it go a couple times and I've been like, where is my penis? Right. So I've had that happen. But, you know, you try to shave as much as possible. I get my back waxed. Nice.

You know, you try to shave your butt a little bit, but nothing, you know, beyond that. Okay, I want to do another red flag or deal breaker. I was listing to one of your episodes the other day while I was laying out in the park and I sort of like your take on this. Red flag or deal breaker, a girl does not want to use condoms with you. It's a deal breaker. Deal breaker because it's like, I have to be comfortable having sex with the girl, too,

and I'm just like a big condom guy. Like I'm so fearful of babies, and that leads to like also career stuff. And like, that's just me. But if like, sometimes you get into these situations with girls are like, well, why aren't you letting, is there something, you know, they see it as a bond of trust for you to go without condoms?

And I'm like, I don't even trust you for needing that as a bond of trust. I don't trust you're, need for that. Do you not trust birth control? I don't know enough about it. I trust it. But I'm just anxious. Like, I just know, like, I feel like we've, like, I was let down by the public school system. Some girls will just, like, pull the goalie. I mean, I'm just, like, looking to not, I, like, want as much control as possible. And when you have sex with a woman, like, you know, you lose a lot of control. Like, you

lose, you know, it's her body. Like, I can't really, I can advise, but I can't direct. So, for me, I'm always like, I'd rather have. have a condom, I'd rather know that I'm okay. I'm big condom proponent. So I think a lot of girls don't keep condoms at home because they think it maybe makes them look a certain way. So do you keep condoms in home? I would love for a girl to keep a condom. I mean, I think there's one somewhere. I'm not a big condom person.

I mean, I'm a fan of you going to get the condoms. I'm a big birth control person. I'll say this. I've never been with a group of buddies and had one go. Can you believe she had condoms at her apartment? No, no. What a slut. Like, that's never happened. I just don't like...

So, understand that. So if you're a girl with condoms or your apartment, no guy fucking cares. Well, my thing is just like, I don't... Obviously, the way it feels, it feels better without a condom. I, you know, birth control is so effective, and I never miss a pill.

I know, so... This is the thing, like, I'm so, like, I don't even know, like, I'm so lost with the... Like, women know all their doctors by first name. I, you know, go in an alley, and someone tells me to cough. Like, it's like... Yeah, but some guys, I mean,

I worry about this all the same. time, like I, especially when my brother was like, you know, playing football in college, I was like, just be so careful. So, like, I'm the one that doesn't have to be so crazy about condoms because I know what my, what I'm doing and I'm not going to get pregnant. If I do, there's no baby happening. But you don't know what the other person is doing. I can understand as a guy that fear and that would be so terrifying of like, I don't know

this bitch like that. Like, what if she secretly wants a baby? That sucks. And my life is ruined. That's why, like, for me, I'm like, I get it. I get it more for guys, honestly. And I, you know, that's even not even getting into STDs and stuff like that. Of course that's a fear.

But more importantly is like, I'm like, fuck. Just let's fucking, I don't understand. Like there's a lot of guys out there I've heard that are like, oh, good doesn't feel as good. I'm like, I don't even get where you must have no anxiety. Okay, so I want to wrap this up. Sure. We are so excited that you came on the show.

Thank you for having me. We love Jared's podcast. Please check it out. Tell everybody all the places they can find you. You up podcast. Go check it out. If you enjoy this show, I'm sure. sure you'll enjoy that.

The U.S. Podcast. I'm on Instagram. At Jared Freed. I love Instagram. I do a lot of different shit on there. I do dudes watching rom-coms, and I do just tons of shit. So at Jared Free. And every Monday night, Bachelor tweet.

I live tweet the Bachelor at Tweeting. It's very funny stuff. And Tuesday morning I put up on Instagram like a recap. Oh, a recap. Jared does stand up. We're going to put on our Instagram story the dates you can find him. Do you have a website where they can look? Jared.

dot com, but also June 27th and 29th, I'm at Philadelphia at the punchline. July 11th, I'll be at Charleston, South Carolina at the Uptown Social. It's a new bar. My buddy just opened. And then July 14th, Laughing Skull Lounge in Atlanta, my favorite comedy club. There it is. I'll be there. So, but Jaredfrey.com.

At Jaredfried on Instagram. That's where to find it all. Cole. We are so excited you came on the show. Thank you so much. I'm so much for coming back. Hope you guys love this. check out his show, check out his dates.

You can check us out on Instagram at Girls' Gotta Eat Podcast. We love your DMs. We love the screenshots of your conversations with your friends. Tell us how we've changed your life. We love that stuff. What else, Ash, anything? That's it. I'm tired, too.

I have a thing to do tonight. Facebook, Twitter. We're there too. And we will see you guys next week. Bye.