Girls Gotta Eat - "Sorry You Feel That Way"

Episode Date: November 4, 2019

Why won't he apologize? Should you apologize if you've done nothing wrong? How do you back out of an argument when you're in the middle of it and realize you're wrong? (Oops.) On this episode, we're discussing all things apologies -- how to get one, how to give one, and when the one you got just isn't enough. We also recap our latest travels/guys we met on the road and debate a hot hygiene topic: Booty cleanliness. AND we're introducing a hilarious new segment called FUCK MY PHONE based on your most embarrassing technology mishaps. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: LiquidIV: Get 25% off at liquidiv.com with code GGE at checkout. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Billie: Go now to save 10% off your razor at mybillie.com/gge. Buffy: For $20 off your Buffy bedding, visit buffy.co and enter code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You started to kind of like back down a little. No, I started to cry. You know what? You know what? You know what? You know what a Dell? Just cry. Oh my God.

You did. Yep. Gotcha. Our episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Welcome to the weather channel. I'm sure you're wondering what the weather is like. It's 50s, not a cloud in the sky.

Perfect fall day. It was a muggy and warm yesterday. It switched over today. Now we're in the cold snap. Weather. Weather. Raina still doesn't believe cold snap is a term. Don't DM us.

It's that. Come on. All right, I'm going to Google it. Don't DM us. Also, it was 40 this morning for my walk around the East Village. I wore a coat. Love coats. Love a coat.

Anyways. I own too many. I do. I can't stop. Thank God I have a giant cold closet. I got a great episode for you guys today. We are talking about apologies. Apologies.

You guys have to have a lot of thoughts. I apologize. It's too late to apologize. So, okay. I have to tell you know that song? One Republic? Of course. I live under a rock.

Corey's sister, like for, you know, you sometimes you don't know the lyrics of a song. And I forget where they were. Maybe they were, like, moving or something was going on. And, like, her sister just started singing that song. And she goes, It's too late to call the judge. Like, she thought that was those were the worst.

Doesn't it just, like, rock you to your core when you've been singing a song wrong for, like, five years and somebody breaks down the lyrics to you? And it's funny because I think that song is called Apologize. But, like, every time I hear it, I hear it's too late to call the judge. It really is like a shock to the system. Like, no, like you've been living a lie for years.

It is really special if it's the title. Hold me closer. Tony Danza. Oh, the tiny down. Like, hold me closer. Is that the lyric to the song? Okay. Before we get into further, we have big announcements today.

We do. We're coming to California. Brom-Ber-Ber-B-B-B-H. Yes. Let's go. First show in San Diego we've ever done. Oh, my gosh. Can't wait.

Man, Diego. Is that what they call it? Word on the street is it is a good place to find men. Man Diego and Menver. We had luck in Denver. Fugged a bunch of Denver. Man Diego, we're coming for you. So we are doing the shows, two shows back to back the night after Valentine's Day.

So February 15th. Okay. At the House of Blues, which is the coolest venue. We love a House of Blues. We'll do them as many as we can all over the country. And then the very next night we're going to L.A. finally going back to LA February 16th, we're doing the

Wiltern Theater. It is a doozy. It is a theater. It's a big one. So please tell your friends and come out because we would like to fill it. Partially, at least.

No, it's going to be amazing. It's big. It's big and beautiful and we're so excited to be in L.A. I know people are going to ask about San Francisco. We will not be in San Francisco on this. Ever again.

I'm kidding. No, we love it. But we were just there in Meg. So we were just there in Maggie. We try to at least hit every city once a year. So we will be back there in the spring. Yeah. You can look at what we did last year, this year.

Sorry. You can look at what we did this year. We're going to try to replicate it as much as possible. So we have Texas coming for you guys soon, announcing Florida. Yeah. Then this north, whatever, northwest, Pacific North. I'm whatever. Saddle, San Francisco.

Yeah, all the same stuff we did we do last year. Man, Francisco. Do they say that? I don't know. I think you're just making stuff up now. I'm punny. She's like, she believed this San Diego. thing. She's going to believe the same. I have heard Van Diego. Don't DM us.

But we are, we are so amped for these shows. Yeah, I'm going to go out and tickets. It's on our website right now. Stupid Live Shows.com. They're still called Stupid Live Shows. We're still called Stupid Live Shows. We don't let everybody know, especially that said the joke is over. Still our brand. Never going to be over, bitch. Never going to be. Fuck you. We're bringing in 2020. She's like, can you just end it for 2019? No. No, we're going to rename the whole brand. It's called Girl's got a stupid live show. Stupid live shows.com. The guy that reserved that,

our URL for us is my friend Brandon. He'll be there in Austin. A true friend. Austin coming soon. In March. Texas, we will be there in March. It's booked. We just got to get the links ready.

I'm going to get the dancers ready. We're going to all the cities in Texas. Well, three of them. In March. So we'll out there. H-town, bitches. I can't wait. Okay.

Okay. And then just a quick update and we'll move on from live shows. I promise New Orleans. We still have tickets for you. That is going to be November 14th. Please come. DC night two is sold out night one, which is January 10th. We do with some tickets for you guys. And there's like five or six seats left in New York City for December 19th and in Boston for January 26. Yes. And we understand there's like places around D.C., other neighboring cities that we want to hit, but they are just not in the plans right now.

So if you're within, if you're a suburb of D.C. or you're an hour or so outside of D.C., we're probably not going to be there for a minute. So come to D.C. It's a weekend. Yeah, it's a weekend. So you guys can drive. And then we get a lot of questions about live shows. So just a reminder, please check the venue websites. If you want to know if it's 21 or under, a 20-war.

If you want to switch tickets for a different night, if you want to give up your tickets, buy more tickets that the show is sold out. Just contact the venue. A lot of our tickets are ticket master. So they resell tickets. A lot of times people will resell their tickets. That's the only way to get tickets to sold-out shows. Yeah. And if you see like a crazy.

the astronomical price. We didn't do that. It could be a resale ticket. We don't love that that happens. And again, make sure you're not looking at a resale site anyway. We're going to talk about some stuff that happened at these recent shows. I'm just going to jump in. I'll talk about Atlanta. First of all, I went to Charlotte. It was great. We went to Palm Springs, went to Spotify. We had a great time there.

And then we did Charlotte. Loved it. You really breeze past that. We gave a corporate speech dead sober, middle a day at Spotify for a huge number of employees. And you yelled out anybody into anal, into the crowd. Did I really do that? Yeah.

Yeah. I yelled, does anybody like doggy style or any of you fucking are coworkers? Dead sober, middle of the day, corporate event. Look, they were into it. They were like, get dirtier. I looked at the crowd.

I'm like, Ashley's people are not going to be into it. It was bright. It was like a ballroom, banquet seating bright lights, 4 p.m. Ashley just marches up on stage. Anybody into anal? No, I led up to it.

I warmed him up a little. You weren't up the angus. You started hitting up a guy, you started hitting on a guy, front row. He was hot. Well, that's your vibe. It finally worked out for you. We'll get to it. Listen, that was great. Thank you, Spotify for having us. You guys always listen to us on Spotify. We can't recommend enough. We love it. We love the company. We're going to do some more stuff with them.

Charlotte, that show was so fun. We had so much fun in Charlotte. They got us a great charcutry board. Say charcutory again? Charcutry. No, I'm doing charcutry now. I know that's not how you say it. I think it's funny. I'm doing it now. I'm doing it now. I'm doing it. It's a talk. And Atlanta, who, the shows were lit. So my favorite shows we've ever done. So we did center stage in Atlanta and also the punchline. But at center stage, we had these opening dancers, and I just want to plug them.

And also not just to give them a plug, but just to tell you guys that you can take these classes, that you pole dance and all this crazy stuff. So we had the dancers from a studio in Atlanta called Vertical Joe's. It's you pull dance there, but they offer all kinds of other things, too. They offer all these classes. so people know about them from the pole dancing. You can go there with a Bachelorette group. You can go there if you just want to learn to get on the poll.

Anyway, I saw them years ago. I've been wanting to talk about this for so long, but I didn't want to give it away. I swear it was like in 2012. I went to this ludicrous event. It was like a Red Bull ludicrous event. And I saw these girls and I just thought they were from Magic City, which is like the famous strip club.

And then I posted some video on YouTube and then Vertical Joe's reached out to me. They were like, that's actually our studio. Like not in a mean way, but they were like, those aren't Magic City girls. Like they're us. I'm like, who was this studio that like these. girls are doing this that ludicrous hires. This is crazy. I wanted to book them for seven years now. I'm like, when am I ever going to have a chance to see this again? And I like still even chose the song,

Howlowe, which is song from like 2010. It's still iconic. So we had them perform Howlow, these pole dancers from pole performers from Vertical Joe's. And then another choreography company called Madhouse, Callan Bryant was the choreographer brought in these other girls. These three girls, they danced in between the polls. It was insane. It's my, is what your favorite performance? It is my favorite performance. I mean, we've had so many different types, but like, just, I lived in Atlanta for 10 years. I've known about this company, these girls for so long.

Like, it was the ludicrous thing, and it was, like, so crazy. That venue was awesome. And so I, it was wild. It was so much fun. Like, remember they were, they were just, like, dangling from the top of the polls, and then they just, like, dropped into the split on the, it was wild. I'm not an opportunity. I'm like, it was really incredible.

And the room was amazing. Yeah. You guys were at that show, like, what a treat for, all of us in that room. So I just wanted to say, like, you can go there and do this. Like, I can't think of a more fun, like, girls' night, bachelorette type of thing or whatever. Like, you just want to get in a new type of cardio workout. Like, if you just, like, I can't jump up on a pole. I don't know what to do, but if I could, I would do it all the fucking time. Buy one for my house.

Buy one. Yeah. So anyway, vertical jo's, vertical joes.com. We stayed at the moxie. Yeah, we want to give you guys recommendations for where to stay in cities. I love the moxie. The room's very nice, but I love the common areas. It's a perfect place to work. And great bar, great scene to meet guys. I met a guy. You could not have looked less interested. I was very uninterested. It looked like a business interview for a dude that was never going to get the job.

We'll post it on our story. But bottom line, we... So Ashley's friend was filming this. I went to bed. Watching me look so disinterested. I've never looked at Ashley look pretty disinterested. This was the most. This is the top tier of disinterest.

Her friend filmed it. But anyway, you two can meet a guy and be disinterested at the moxie. No, the, I can't, like you said, I love that you said that if I was still in Atlanta working from home, working for myself, I would work there during the day. Great place to work. And then at night, it gets into a fun bar. We went there Friday night after the show. We had drinks. And there's also a rooftop bar called High Note, which we check that out as well. The drinks are awesome. The food is delicious. And you have a rooftop, rooftop vibes. They open for happy hour, dinner drinks. There's a pool up there for when the weather is nice too. So that is a highlight of

the Moxie. We just can't recommend enough. The rooms are great. Super affordable. If your people are coming to visit you in Atlanta, send them there. In the middle of everything in Midtown, can't recommend enough, Moxie. We love you. Sexy, hip, fun. They're also in New York and a couple other places. And then we ended the tour in Charleston. And just bear with us on these guys because we love these recommendations,

but we're going to get to the juicier stuff that happened at the end of the tour. So just bear with us on these, all this love that we're given to our partners. Charleston, you bitch has started tagging us in pre-gaming photos at 10 a.m. I was like, what is going to happen at this show? And then they do bottle service for wine in the venue. Girls, a hundred girls tagged us with their wine bottles in seats. And then we came out on stage and we were like, raise your bottles up and you guys all had bottles. And they weren't even like low key bottles.

They were advertising the bottles. Like the sign said at the bar, more bang for your buck. Like they want you. I heard glass breaking. People are puking into the bathroom. I mean, not a lot. But, you know, there was a couple incidents. You guys got fucking lit.

You were pre-partying at noon and then getting box. models. Charleston, you girls. We love you. We're not hating. Oh, no, I have blast. All four of these shows, this is my favorite run that we've ever done. I mean, I feel like I feel like that about every run because I just, I feel so proud of like what we've done. I think it's really like a truly a one of a kind, unique show. And I just, I feel like so proud to be on stage with you and what we do and the dancers and the audience. And it's so special. It's not a live podcast. It's just like a spectacle and I love it. I'm so proud of it. Same. Echo in all your words. And you said dancers. I want to also shout out of the dancers. We got to Charleston. This was

one of the coolest things we've also done. It was all teenage girls. It's called Peace, Love, Hip Hop. And again, you can take these classes in Charleston. These are things we also want to tell you guys. People during the show were tagging and being like, where do I sign up. So the dance team or the squad that performed an open our show. I'm going to post a video on Instagram if I haven't already.

Their whole act is on their Instagram account. Oh, yeah. You can see the whole performance on their Instagram. So Peace Love Hip Hop. They're based out of Charleston. They were, like, I don't know, which are 12 girls, all ages like 15 to 17, did this amazing mashup. and they offer classes for all ages.

So I love this. Like I wish I would have done that in high school. Like I loved to dance and stuff and I still do, but that's so fucking cool. When they have this camaraderie, they're like a fucking sorority and they're dancing. They're like cooler than us. I went to their dressing room and I was like, you girls are so cool. I'm like freaking out and they were just like, yeah, whatever. When they were not having it.

When they kicked open the door to come in for rehearsal and they were just like dancing throughout the venue, I was like, how does your body move like that? It's crazy. So peace love hip hop again, all ages. I think like age three. There's boys. There's classes for boys. So like age three till like adults. Like there's hip-hop classes for adults too. Because I just think people are starting to do more stuff like that. Like I don't remember there being so many hip-hop and cool dance classes like when I was younger. And I mean, I just was watching those girls like feeling like I didn't really thrive in sports in high school. And had I had that, I would have joined immediately. It is one of the coolest things I've ever seen. And it's just like supportive of these girls. I mean, they're just, it's amazing. I hope they think that I'm as cool as they. They don't think we're cool. No.

They were like, who are these moms? I asked something I wanted to stay for the show. And then I was like, oh, wait, you're 15. You can't stay for the show. And then last thing, we're going to plug the hotel, and then I promise to talk about cool stuff.

But I honestly, just in Charleston in general, like, I can't hype that city enough for like birthday getaways, bachelor's parties, any girls trips, couples trips, like it's such a sophisticated city, but also laid back. Like the food scene is incredible, the weather, whatever.

You can Google Charleston. There's no city like it. There's no city that looks. like it. None. Not a one. Like, it is one of the most beautiful cities I've ever seen. I've loved it so much. I've been there like probably upwards of 20 times. I, and where we stayed is the best place I've ever stayed, maybe ever in life. And the Hotel Bella Grace, I can't, I mean, I was like, I'm not worthy. From the minute we walked in, the staff was so incredibly hospitable. We actually got there and the rooms weren't ready, so we went to eat across the street. And the person at the hotel

brought us our room keys. Yeah. They were, they unloaded my friends' cars. My college girlfriends came. We had so much fun with them. It was like a little girl's reunion plus Raina. And we had such a blast. It's a boutique hotel right in the middle of everything. You can walk to King Street. You can walk, do all the things. And we, like, the sweets were just amazing.

Like, go there, stay in a King's suite, live your best life. Thank us later. It was amazing. If you guys follow us Instagram, you saw the room tours. It's really one of the most beautiful hotels I've ever seen. Oh, my God. So anyways, the artwork, all artwork by female artists. Yeah.

Because of the candles. Ashley has a bunch of the candles. they have a signature scent because of course they do vanilla tobacco is that what that is yes girl tobacco that's so southern i love it's like the perfect unisex smell like that it's a man that's also like a mandel what's a mandel man candle i think you're just like putting the word man into as many words that you can't do it i'm sorry i can do that go you need to get laid none of these are real words oh my god i guess they are mandals that's actually probably a sandal God damn it.

Sorry, I do. I do need to get laid. You did. You got laid a lot. You did. You got it on the road. You know what I think it is? One of your friends I think suggested this to me.

She was like, do you think that you just like meet more guys in the road because you just don't give a fuck? Because you know it's not real. Like being on vacation. Yeah. Like I just so confident. Like I just, I mean, we met a guy. What happens after the Charleston show? We met a guy there.

I'm going to guy there. And I walked right up to him and like invited him to come out with him. Exactly. I would never. be that bold in New York. Maybe, but like... But it's also, like, again, that goes back to just, like, you could just be being friendly. Like, you know, he was by himself. Like, we're not going to, we're not going to get into the whole story right here, but we are going to get into it at the future live shows because it's pretty,

it's a doozy. But you could easily just be inviting someone out as a friendly person. Like, it's not like, oh my God, that girl's hitting on me, which is also, who cares. But you could just easily be like, hey, she should come out with us, which is what you did. Right. And we were with a bunch of girls and actually like we ended up going to a bar and a ton of girls from the show were there and he looked at me and was like do you want to go somewhere else so you could be alone and I ghosted all of you I didn't even say bye so we knew they were my friends from my college girlfriends were asking me I'm like bitches she left gone she's got she gone she got she owned yeah he was amazing you guys like you got it in we were out all night long yeah

the sex was really fun you couldn't barely walk to brunch you were it was a lot you were handle I didn't know that I could handle something that large and I can't I don't think I can't I might still not be okay. Like that confirmed that I'm not a size queen. I looked at it and I was like, that's supposed to go where? Oh my God. So we found that I purposely slept through my flight the next day and I told him and he was like, would you want to go out tonight?

So we went out again. And it was great. He was great. Super smart and fun. We made a really good time. He asked for your address. He's sending you something or he's showing up. Well, I was like, what are you sending?

And he was like, it'll ruin the surprise. I'm bad at subtleties. and I'm like, you're going to murder me. Also, I feel like we need to give a just brief update. Oh, yeah. Tough mutter guy just kind of fizzled out. Because of you. I fizzled it.

But I fizzled it. I always, I want to practice what I preach. I did the right thing. I sent the, you know, I don't see a romantic future here. Text. I did the right thing. And that's okay. I just, you know, I feel like I did the right thing.

And that's good. And if you guys didn't listen, I'm just going to call on tough mutter guy. We went on a 20-minute TED talk about tough mutters and this guy last week. So anyway, it was the guy that you went up a couple days with. I just like to give people updates because they're like, wait, can you pull us in? Yeah. And then we went to dinner in Charleston Sunday night. And so this was Raina's second date night with this guy. So we're at the bar and Rayna knew she was going to have to go meet this guy like later kind of in the evening. And the three of us, because my other girlfriends had gone back. So it was me and Raina and my girlfriend Alex from college. And we're just sitting there at this bar having a cocktail.

And these two guys just walked up like behind us. and they were cute and they seemed nice and they just started talking to us. And so what we had heard was one of them made eye contact with Alex so he felt kind of like, oh, okay, those girls look approachable because our backs were to them. I wasn't even paying attention. And then I turned around and these guys were like,

hey, we're just here getting up during. We missed our flights. So they missed their flights to go back. They live like in, I don't know, D.C. and Vermont or whatever. And so they were just there hanging and then they were actually going to get an Uber and go somewhere else, but they canceled their Uber.

and they were just like talking to us. So I, and we hung out with them the rest of the night. Raina left. I mean, you only talked to him for like 10 minutes and then you had to go to your appointment. I spent around. I took my, yeah,

that was not lost to me. I did have to go to a dick appointment. I was wearing tennis shoes and I had like changed. I spun around. I was like, hi, and I just like put on high heels. I took off my tennis shoes and put on high heels.

He was like, what is your friend doing? Then she went to the bathroom and like fluffed like fluffed herself. Full makeup. Not fluffed. Like you didn't ask for me later. So they were just like, your friend is funny.

So you laughed and it was me and Alex and these two guys. And they were great. I'm still sort of talking to one of them. I just, it has never failed. That is the Charleston that the men approach you. I've said this forever. I've been going to Charleston since I graduated college, which was a while back.

And I've always said it number one city, men approach you. I don't know what it is. It's not even like Southern hospitality, y'all. They're not Southern. They weren't, they're not Southern. I don't know what it is about that city. It just is like this really happy place.

And men have all. always approach me there at a bar in a non-creepy way. And, like, I've probably, like, hooked up with more guys there, spent nights talking to guys, having drinks, going out, bouncing around bars. I don't know what it is. It always happens there. Okay, but I want you to talk about, like, guys approaching you because I like what you say about it. And I think that, like, we talk a lot about, like, how to meet guys in bars, but, like,

most women get approached by guys and they're like, oh, I hate this. Anyways, you talk about it. But I, yeah, I think we might have talked about this a little bit on meeting men in the wild, but Ray and I actually just an interview recently with a men's-based magazine that we'll share when it comes up and they were saying about men approaching women. And my take on men approaching women is just approach women, just say hi, just a comment on something that's happening around you. Ask what they're drinking. Whatever it is, just walk up and do your thing. And then I think women just need to be receptive to it. I think if you want men to approach you and you want to meet more men in the wild,

you need to treat the ones that are doing it kindly unless they don't get the hint and then give them the body language that you'd want them to leave. And if they don't leave, tell them to leave. if you know what I mean, but I just think that so many women, I'm not blaming women, but, you know, there's plenty of times when you're like, oh my God, that guy came out to me, he's such a creep because he's not attractive. That's why you think he's a creep. If a hot guy approaches you, it's a whole, totally different story. They were hot. The way that they approached us was a little crazy. I turned around, he was so close to my face. They were really familiar. I was like, do I know you? Yeah, I thought I knew them. I thought I knew them. I was like, where do I know you from?

But they just came up. They came up really friendly. They came in kind of hot. They had their bags with them. They were like, we missed our flight. We're partying, whatever. Like, but yeah, I think If you want men to approach you, be nice to the ones that actually do it, you know, and say hello. And then if you're not interested, hopefully they get the point and they leave. Like, had those guys approached us and been super creepy and weird, we would have just like turned our back on them. Be like, have a great night. Have, you know, safe travels, bye. And if they would have lingered, it would have been like, hey, sorry, we're trying to have a girl's night here.

Or, you know, get the bartender involved. Or I think you could just like, I don't know, I think that people put so much weight on these situations, you could like, in a very sarcastic but like cute Florida way, just be like, all right, well, listen, I'm just trying to talk to my girlfriend and I... Yeah, and we're just having a girl's night. Yeah, but we love talking to them. We hung out with them. Alex and I went to the next bar with them.

We ended up at cocktail club again. They were having live music on Sunday and hung out with them and like exchange information. And I don't know. We'll see. I didn't get laid like you did, but... I really took a two by four to the body. What? It was crazy.

But yeah, it was just, it was nice. It's nice to like have like, you know, fun, cute guys, age-appropriate guys come up and just be, like, cool and funny. I was, like, laughing all night. You said I was, like, genuinely laughing. I've never, I haven't seen you laugh like that a long time. Like, you were just, like, you were just, like, cute and party. It was adorable.

And it's just, it's nice to me, people that, like, surprise you. I really enjoyed this guy. And at first I was looking at him, like, I don't know if I'm going to be in this. I mean, he's very hot. But, like, he surprised me by how, like, smart he was and well traveled. And, like, he's very serious, but he was, like, very, like, soft and fun with me. Yeah. And I liked that.

And we, like, went to some really cool places. and like also I just feel like if somebody that big takes their pants off and it's not enormous. Like you're just going back to talk about us. You're surprised. You just can't stop talking about it. Do we have anything else you want to talk about? Oh, okay. Yes, I do.

I learned some stuff about Ashley on this trip and then we're going to get into the episode. Oh my God, you guys. Okay, listen, I've been sharing hotel rooms with Ashley for a long time. We're coming up on 50 live shows on the road, lots of family vacations together. We usually get spepper in hotel rooms. Always, always. But we're in and out of between. other's rooms.

I looked at Ashley. I finally asked this question that I've wanted to ask for two years. We're at the Moxie in Atlanta and Raina comes in and she goes, I've been wanting to ask you something for years now. I was like, that's a crazy thing. You've been wanting to ask me something for years. What the fuck could it be? I was like panicked.

I was like, what is it going to be? Because there's literally nobody that knows more about me than you and vice versa. Like all the little stupid things. Yeah. It's just, listen, I learned this crazy thing about Ashley. Okay. So when she showers, there's always like a washcloth on, like on the ledge in the shower that is wet beyond belief. It is not normal wetness.

Oh, that's not what it's for. I just have never seen. You don't even, you don't even wring it out. You just leave it. It is so full of water. I just don't roll like that. I like wring it out. I hang it up.

And I've always wanted to know what was for. So I asked you. What did you say? I got to clean my butt. Your butt whole. I did not. I said I got, I think I, I think it was even gross. that. I think I said I got to get in my butt. Get in your

butt hole. You rim your butt hole. That is crazy. I didn't say the word but that was the implication. Like, yeah, but that was the implication. Like, what is going on? You can't do with your finger? That's gross. No, I'm not fingering my butthole with soap on it right now. How far into your butt hole do you need to go? I just like a washcloth in my ass crack. Hole. I'm not sticking it in my butthole. I don't even know exactly where my butthole is. I don't know. I'm not sticking anything in my butthole. I clean my ass crack. But I don't, I'm not, I'm not sticking it. I do that with my hand. Is that weird? I clean all the things with my hand. I don't think you get as clean. Why? It's just your hand. It's like a slippery hand. Like you get way cleaner with a washcloth. Or like a poof. There's no hair in there. I just don't think like your hand with a little soap on it is doing the job. Like I have a dirty butthole. No. I just even on my body. Like I bet if you like just wash yourself lightly with your slippery soapy hand and you were actually dirty, you would get out and you would use a white hole. You would use a white. white towel and there would be like dirt on it. I don't think you're getting clean without a

washcloth. I use a lot of white towels. Nothing ever comes out of my body. I mean, I don't, if there's sometimes raw dog it without a washcloth, like, and just a bar of soap, like a bar of dove soap or whatever. But like, if there's plentiful washcloths, I'm going to get in my ass crack with it. I feel cleaner. You probably are cleaner. I do not want any residue in there. But I clean. There's no skin marks on my towels. Girl, there's just skin marks on my towels either. But you said, that when I get out, probably there's some stuff in my butt still. Not skin marks, but like, maybe like a little spray tan residue.

Like, I don't know if you really get it off with your hand. Like, a slippery hand, you're not getting exfoliated with that. Like, I like to exfoliate with a washcloth. Like, I just scrub down. Your bottle. All of me. My pits, if you sweat your armpits and then you want to scrub them a little. In the heat of the summer, I use the sandy body wash, though, the exfoliating bodywalk.

Yeah, but you don't always get that in a hotel room. You get whatever they're serving you. So like in the moxie, it was like this really great smelling, appally fragrant shower gel. So you're going to do a little bit of shower gel on your palm and you think that's going to scrub you down? You're wrong. My hassle is cleaner than yours.

We just decided. Well, I just decided that I get laid more than you. That's not a decision. That's a fact. That is a fact. So maybe a dirty asshole is really what men are out here looking. Maybe they sense how dirty my asshole is. All right.

Well, I'm throwing out the washcloths. Maybe I'll get laid more. Listen, I clean it with my finger. We went over this. Okay. With your slippery little fingers. You don't even have big hands. I can't.

I'm getting you like a lufa. Or one of those hand mitts. They fit in it nicely. I'm getting a mitt. I thought I'm going to stay less. No. Guys, we don't know if men are secretly attracted to dirty assholes. Don't DM us.

Do you want to look at my butt? Bend over. Guys, actually, we need a pause here so that Ashley can stare down. Yeah, it's time to take a break because I have to, examine Raina's behole and but no, we have working in the final frontier of our friendship. It's the only thing you haven't looked into.

Bend over. You guys submitted some really interesting stuff. We're going to talk about how to ask for an apology. How to not apologize. Yeah, just don't. Just never do. Just don't. So we actually, we were,

we need to always like crowdsource you guys because you give us new ideas. And so in the 11th hour, right before we start recording, we put an Instagram story up and you guys had a lot to say. But someone did say what she wrote, never apologize, deny till you die. I was like, oh, that's a savage bitch that I would never be friends with. But, you know, whatever.

Live your truth, sis. But I agree. And the episode's over. No. Just don't. Okay, so anyway, we're going to transition into our game. Also, guys, we didn't tease it up top. The game today is a doozy.

Inspired by last week. You can guess what it is. But anyway, we'll get to it after we dive into this topic. I've been giggling all day telling you. I hope you think it's as funny as I do you will. Oh, the story. Yeah. You have a story for me and then I have a picture to show you. I'm going to not seen. It's a live photo. I'm going to show you on the episode. So we get ready, guys. I'm excited. It's going to get lit. I think we just need to come in hot with the most enraging thing about apologies and those are not apologies. And that is saying, I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm mad just hearing you say it. I'm sorry you're making yourself so upset. That's a crazy thing to say. Has someone said that to you? Yeah, my first boyfriend in New York. That's why we're no longer together. I'm sorry you feel that way. We're going to talk about it.

But just right up top of someone says, I'm sorry you're making yourself so upset. Run. Leave that person. Immediately. Like as a rule, as a hard no, I was 22. I mean, I just didn't know how to...

I'm sorry, you're making yourself. I mean, honestly, if you're like so pissed at somebody and you're like in a relationship and you're just so mad at them, you say dumb shit. I've said meaner stuff than that. But like if that's actually how someone thinks that they're apologizing, run for the hills. Yeah, don't date him. He lives in Philadelphia. If you see him, just don't do it. They're birds. Anyways.

Eagle season. Okay. Coco! Oh, I don't think so. Really? That's maybe. Again, don't DM us. They're too regal. They don't make no crazy sounds.

Of all the you? I'm like, oh. You're right. They probably do. It's loud and long. Anyways, non-apologizers. I'm sorry you feel like that is the, biggest most, it's the biggest cop out in the entire world. It's so antagonistic.

I don't know how you could ever say that to a person that you care about. I think there's two, there's like people that say it because they're assholes and there's people that like they don't know what else to say because they feel like you're upset and they don't think that they did anything wrong. There's definitely a way, a different way to say it, I think. And we're going to get into like appeasing someone who has feelings that are hurt that you don't feel like you did anything wrong. And like, if I were going to say something like that, if I hurt your feelings,

in some way or someone I was dating and I was like, I did nothing wrong. Like, I was just living my life. I truly didn't do anything wrong. I think I would say, I would never do anything to hurt you. And I'm obviously sorry that my actions hurt you. And let's discuss this. Yeah. But just straight up, like, I'm sorry you feel that way. Damn, it's brutal. It's brutal. I think that, I mean, that's something that I've said in the past, which is that I'm sorry that what I did made you feel like this. Right. Because like, I think that most of the time, hopefully you're talking to somebody that's a rational person. And so it's fine to also admit, like, I don't really understand this.

And can you explain this to me? Can you explain this to me? And, you know, I feel terrible that you feel bad, but I didn't do this on purpose. Right. And I didn't do anything wrong. Apologies in general, like, such a big gray area for me. Because, like, I don't know. Like, I don't know how you know something is genuine or not or whether it's good enough or not. But to me, like, that's good enough. It's just saying, like, maybe I don't understand this. But I do feel bad and I love you. Right. I care about you. And there's, you know, we're not going to walk you guys through how to do an apology. There's plenty of articles if you want to Google it. But I think stressing that you care

about somebody is one of the main things you should do during an apology if that's how you feel. That softens somebody immediately. We're going to talk about how to get an apology out of someone too, but just always like showing remorse, taking blame. If you can say it'll never happen again, which it could, but mostly things could always happen again. I'll work on this. I'll try not to let this happen again. And I care about you and I don't want to hurt you. I mean, that's kind of the structure basically of an apology. I just, we kind of wanted to discuss like our apology styles. I guess there's also different languages, like love languages of apology languages, but they're

a little bit different. You kind of do them all, I guess, but there's different ways to apologize, but you and I apologize to each other all the time. I'm always joking, like, I'm right about everything, blah, blah, blah, but like I'm not, and I fuck up all the time, and I do things that bother people, and I'm the first person to apologize if I recognize that I did

something wrong. I think it's interesting to see a person like you, because I'm not, like, you're like the most alpha person that I've ever met. I'm not like that. I'm not like a super alpha person. I think that when you hear that somebody's like really alpha and you make jokes all the time like I'm always right. But you really are the first person to apologize when you genuinely see that you hurt somebody that you cared about.

Thank you. I'm also just like pretty aware of people like their emotions and like if I've done something to bother them because it happens a lot. Well, I also think that like you've reached an age where you also know yourself and you're like I know if I overreacted or if my tone was shitty. I meant for the tone to be shitty. You know, like you're a pretty smart person. I just also don't have an ego about it.

Like, I will never apologize for a joke. I mean, hardly ever, never say never, I guess. But there's not much else I don't feel like I wouldn't apologize for. And I mean, I'm not saying I'm out here taking the blame for stuff I didn't do. I refuse to do that. But, you know, most conflicts, two people were in the wrong, I think. Yeah. Look, people are interested in our business relationship together.

And I think that that makes it easier to work with you that, like, I think you're pretty self-aware and smart. And you'll apologize if you really feel like you did something wrong. I wanted to talk about this up top just to share an instance that happened to me that I wonder if people get into things like this. And this happened to me with an ex of mine and also like on his side too, separate instances. But just not knowing if what you do was wrong. And I think sometimes you can phone a friend. And I had a situation where I did something with this person that in my head, something he did triggered me based on my past experiences, which happens all the time.

Obviously, it's my shit, not his. And he really didn't do anything wrong. and I overreacted and I made him leave my apartment, whatever. That's a long story. I'm not going to get into it. And I was totally in the wrong, a hundred percent. And I just couldn't see it that way because I couldn't see past my own, quote unquote, trauma from, you know, previous relationships or wherever all your shit comes from.

And the next morning, we were not okay. And I still was not feeling like I needed to owe him like a serious apology. And I called Corey, one of my best girlfriends. And she was like, Ashley, that's crazy. You have to apologize. to him. He didn't do anything wrong. And I haven't had that happened a lot in my life, but that was one of those situations where I was like, I needed an outside opinion. And that happened to him, vice versa, too. There was something that he had posted on social media that bothered me. And I didn't

flip out because we were still pretty new in our relationship. I started to flip out later. But he asked a friend of his, like, about it. And his friend's like, dude, that's fucked up. You need to take that down and apologize to Ashley. And he did. You know, I don't know. I just wanted to slip that end before I forgot to say it. That sometimes like you need, and obviously therapist offer this as well, but sometimes you need an outside source. I've asked. I've asked, you a million times. You and I do this all the time with our whatever romantic relationships, parents, other friends. Like, hey, do you

think, can you see this from a non-biased third party? Did I do something wrong? I think it's helpful. I think it's also really healthy and I think it's important to acknowledge that like the things that are going on in your brain when you are angry about something and you feel like you've been doing wrong. Like the neuroscience

behind this, like your brain is not like normal you. So it's important to check in with another person who's just outside of the situation who can see it from like, not such a, like a charged point of you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You just, you're not in like your right state of mind when you were like hurt and disappointed

and let down. And so just to ask somebody else, yeah, I ask you all the time. And like I think there's times that people have said to me, I don't think you're overreacting enough. And I don't think that you are like protecting yourself enough. And then like there's times where you've said like, I think you need to like check your ego with other people and stuff like that. But yeah, absolutely.

I think it sounds like a simple piece of advice. But just remember like you're just not in your super right. state of mind. We got this a lot. What do you think about apologizing when you just don't feel like you're wrong at all? Like, whether you just know deep down you didn't do anything wrong or you have checked in with third parties and you're just like, I didn't do anything wrong and this person's upset and I just don't want to take the blame. I don't take the heat for this. I think that I suffer from doing that kind of a lot. Yeah. And like I, because I grew up with somebody who, like my mother would never take the blame for anything. It was always like, I didn't do that. This is on you. This is how you're acting. And so

I grew up being like, I'm always going to look at my part in things. And I'm always going to see how I affected other people. And what's resulted, I think, is me being like an over-apologizer. Because somebody says to me, like, I'm upset. And my initial reaction is like, I have to apologize for this. And I never, like, take a beat, like, an hour to be like, well, maybe I didn't do something wrong. You know? And there's been, like, lots of situations where, like, I've apologized in 24 hours

because somebody's yelling at me or they're mad about something. And 24 hours later, I've been like, wait, I'm not sorry for this. And, like, the way that I reacted was totally normal. Yeah. And I think that like I've suffered from that my whole life and I try to get better. But like I think when you apologize for things that like you don't really feel like you did anything wrong, it's like first of all it just puts a cork in a situation that's just going to come up again. But it paints yourself into this like super weak pathetic corner. Like no offense. I don't mean like everybody does it as weak. I don't think I'm weak. But like it creates a dynamic where like people know they can push you around. Well, and you're lying. I mean at the end of the day, it's you're not being true to yourself. Like if you say I'm sorry that I did this thing and I'm. taking the blame and you really don't genuinely believe that. Like, try to figure out what you do believe and try to get to the root of it because it's just, it's only going to hurt you in the, in the future. Well, I think intent is also an important thing.

Like, yeah, yeah. Like, like, what you did. Of course, I feel terrible if I did something and I didn't mean to, but like, I just, I think it's like a terrible way to be to start apologizing. I think that, like, women especially, you think that you're like placating people or making the situation better. You're being less threatening. You're backing down.

And it's just like, why for what? Yeah. And like, I think that you always. end up feeling really bad about yourself. So that the other person can feel better. Every time I've done that, I just, I like agonize over it. Why did you do that? And then to turn around and be like 24 hours later to pick another fight with the person.

Right. It'll just keep adding up. Yeah. It sucks. Someone wrote this. She said that her husband says she's the, or her partner, I think it was our husband, says she's the worst apologizer because she does. I'm sorry, but, as an I'm sorry, but you did this thing to push me to this limit.

But first of all, those words can also get a little, like, if it's coming from a man, it can come across a little abusive, like, why'd you make me so mad? Like, if a guy's always screaming at you, like, you made me so mad. Maybe you should leave that relationship. That's some, like, toxic shit. But I ran into this a lot in a past relationship where my partner started the fight, like out of the clear blue sky. Like, I did plenty of things wrong in that relationship. But I'm talking like, everything was fine, mostly drinking related. And he started a fight. And then I lashed out and I reacted. and said something mean or did something that was wrong, you know, to do to somebody that you care about. But I wouldn't have ever done it if you didn't pick this fight out of the clear blue sky. And I think this can take a lot of different forms.

And I have a girlfriend, close girlfriend, that this was always her and her husband's thing of like, someone starts the fight, but then the other person says the meaner thing. You know what I mean? Or the other person like finishes it. And then you're in this place of like, oh, my God, I did something terrible. But they started it, you know? So I think that like, again, this is like the easiest advice to take after the fact in retrospect. But like I think it's fine to always use I statements.

That's important. That's what's less triggering to people and say like, yeah, I hate my behavior and I'm embarrassed by it. I don't like it. I felt very triggered by the fact that this happened. And I don't love this tone. And I don't love that you came at me. And like you said this and this is what caused me to do something. And to me, that's not I did this.

But it's like, hey, let me just explain my behavior here. Here's where I was in the situation. Like you've told me these situations and like where you like went from zero to 100 and anybody would have, but you were so clearly provoked. Right. Like totally provoked. But I love that you said that because when she wrote that she says, I'm sorry, but that's not the language that we're using anybody. First of all, if you started it, you should apologize first. And in my experience with this past relationship, he did.

Like he was a great apologizer, professional, I would say. So he would come out and be like, I'm so sorry I did this. He would sober up and realize it, you know. and then I would be like, of course, I'm sorry too. Like, I don't, of course, I'm embarrassed. I hate that I said these things or I did this thing or whatever I did. And I love that you said that. It's like, I apologize for doing this thing.

I would like to explain to you how it got to this point as opposed to like, but you did this. I think language is like so important because I think there's certain words and trigger words and ways you say stuff that puts people on the defensive immediately. If it's a deeper problem and you just can't get to the, you guys keep fighting and it's super volatile and there's always therapy is always an option. but there are points where you just aren't a match. Like if you find yourself in a relationship that it's constantly apologizing,

constantly fighting, who's taking the blame, who's doing this, that's not easy. It should be a little easier. And you might just be not a match or you might need to seek therapy or something else to figure out how you can speak the same language. And I think if somebody is provoking you and starting fights and doing a lot of things that are hurtful and negative in the relationship and they don't ever apologize and they can never see their side of it, you cannot be with that person.

They lack empathy. and it's a no-go. Like, when I was in that relationship, he apologized all the fucking time. Like, had he not, had it been like, he provoked me and I did something, then he wanted an apology for me

and didn't give me one of return. I'm out of this relationship. Like, you have to sometimes examine, does this person just lack total empathy? And I think that, you know, you've told me about yourself in this relationship, and I think it's, we've all had these relationships for like, we're having this, like,

bird-eye view of ourselves, and we're like, why are you doing this? I can't believe that I am saying these words and speaking to somebody like this. I love this person. How did I get here? Why am I becoming this person? And if you really feel like I've been baited into this continuously,

I'm never heard, and nobody ever in this he or whoever, your partner, never seems to empathize with anything you feel, then that's really bad for you. There's no amount of begging somebody to understand it that's going to make them understand it. Yeah, and we'll talk about this on,

we're going to do an episode about toxic relationships. We'll get into it more. That wasn't my experience. He always understood what he did. It was just like he couldn't stop doing it and alcohol was a factor. but people asked a lot, I'm getting an apology and it doesn't feel genuine.

And so I want to talk about that. When you hear that word, but, I'm sorry, but to me, my brain just goes into this, like, fight or flight mode and I'm just ready for a fight

because when I hear the word, but I'm like, as soon as you finish your sentence, I'm going to continue to argue with you. And I'm going to defend myself, and need to stick up for myself. And when I hear the word, but I'm just like,

I'm mad. My brain doesn't hear anything that you're saying anymore. I'm going to start an argument or walk out of the room. We'll just get into this, I guess. Like, when you say, you did this, people go into defense mode.

Yeah. It's just, it is what it is. You can't get an apology out of somebody that way. So do you want to talk about how you get an apology out of somebody? Yeah, we listened to this really good TED talk yesterday. I wrote down her name. She wrote a book called Why Won't You Apologize? Her name is Harriet Lerner.

And she talked about like, really like explaining calmly how you feel about things and using eye statements. And I think that fighting is so crazy because like, yeah, everybody would have acted perfect in hindsight. And everybody wishes they would have walked away from a situation. And like, when you're charged up with the person you love and they're hurting you, it's easy to just be angry and go from zero to a million. But, I mean, for me, I think first of all, you have to like start off not necessarily expecting an apology, but to just explain to somebody how you feel.

And like you can't have, hopefully it'll come to an apology. But just, you know, say here's the situation. Here's how I felt. And here's how this action has affected me. And it made me feel bad. I just want to express that to you. Yeah. You know, like you can't tears, to yours things not to say.

you did this. You owe me an apology. I deserve an apology. They will not give it to you. And in this TED talk that we watched, and also again in her book, I want to hammer it home so you guys don't DM us. Why won't you apologize by Harriet Lerner?

Those people, when you say those things to them in that tone, they get defensive, they will double down. Like, they will, like, the more you do it, the harder they push back on not apologizing. And there's a whole psychological reasoning behind, like, why people refuse to apologize in general. it's like lack of self-worth and insecurity and all these kind of things. But like, the trick is just vulnerability.

And that's where people, it's hard. You were pissed off. Someone did this thing to you. How could you be vulnerable to them? How? Like, you can't, it's hard to get there. I think time, you take a breath. You go to yoga.

We talked with Amy Chan. I mean, you just take some time, 12 hours, 24, one hour, whatever it is for you to calm down. But like, if someone did something to you, they hurt you and you want an apology from them, you have to go to them and say, I was hurt. by this and use those eye statements and hopefully they'll give you what you want. And again, if not, maybe that's not your person. Depends on how much this is happening. But I think the thing that people do wrong in the heat of the moment is like demand apologies.

You owe me this. And that person immediately backs off. And I think the self-talk for yourself is like, I'm a rational person. I am smart and I'm deserving of kindness. I feel bad in this situation. And I want to explain why. And there's been step between you and I were like, I'm sure, like, I've done something to piss you out for you to me versus.

And I've taken like an hour and thought, like, was I in the wrong? And how do I really feel about this? And instead of like coming at you with anger, like, I've hopefully come with you and just been like, this is how I feel about this. And it's a bummer. Everyone has it in them to explain to their partner, their friend or their family member. This is how I feel. But it just, it's hard to get there.

It's like just vulnerability is difficult in the face of conflict. But I think more so with friends, probably romantic partners, it's not even really about the argument a lot of the times. Yeah. It's like it's not that you like did this small. all thing. It's like about the larger problem. You always say, I want you to do that. I want you to want to do the dishes. Yeah. From the breakup. It's my favorite movies. And I think that like, it's important to think about like, you know, what are you really upset about? What do you want to get out of this

conversation? Because like, sometimes you don't really want somebody to apologize for not doing the dishes. You want them to apologize for not wanting to do this. For sure. And if you, you explain to somebody how you felt and they're still just don't even apologize. I don't know where you go from there. It just depends on the frequency that this is happening. Like, again, like if you were just constantly doing this back and forth, you might not be a fit. I would not work with somebody that was super sensitive and super needy. It just wouldn't work. I'd be upsetting them all the time. You know what I mean? I can't watch my tone all the time. I'm like busy. I just got a lot going on. Like I have friends that are more sensitive and I cater to them, but like a romantic long term going to be with

this person partner that is needy and super duper sensitive and maybe some underlying insecurities and things like that. It's probably not going to work for me. Like I'm happy to apologize a certain extent, but you have to also examine the relationship. Like, maybe we're not a good fit here. Yeah, look, I think that you can get along with pretty much any romantic partner if things are good all the time.

You know, there's most people in the world you can get along with him party and have sex and have a good time and enjoy going to things together, but like you should be compatible in the bad times. And if you're not, if you just feel like I'm constantly beating my head against a wall, then like, it's a horrible thing to say, but it's just like probably not your person.

If they're just always making you feel like, this irrational crazy person and whether or not they're gaslighting you or not or they genuinely do not understand what they have done wrong. Like I dated somebody for a long time that was just pretty surface level. He was a shallow as a puddle. And like he just, he was never going to understand why I felt bad about things. There was no amount of like rational explanation that would have ever helped. Right. And I just, I felt all the time like I was just explaining this to somebody who was just going to placate me because it was never going to like sink in. I love that. And that kind goes back to this whole, like, what if they're saying the words, I'm sorry, but they don't

mean it. It might not even be that they don't mean it. It's just they're lacking emotional depth, which you just kind of got to find somebody that you have the same level of emotional depth with, you know, because I think that guy is a good guy. He wasn't doing terrible things to you on purpose, but he was hurting your feelings in certain ways, and you were probably telling him, and he was like, yeah, I'm sorry. And it's like, can you understand why I was upset? And, you know, like, if someone can never understand your emotions, they're not your person. I just think that's like the most common conversation between men and women. It's like, she's like, I'm upset. He says sorry and she's like, but do you understand why I'm upset? He's like, I understand why you're saying, but you don't.

And I think you can go in circles like that forever. And, and, you know, there are different ways that people show their remorse or their apologies or their regret or their love for you and things like that. I mean, it goes back to love languages. Like, I don't know that. my dad is this really introspective verbal apologizer with my mom. I think my dad pisses my mom off all the time. We're the same person. I can tell you what he does to upset her. You know, like, and I think she's always wanting him to apologize.

And I think he says the words, he's just not that kind of guy. He's not really like a mushy type of guy. And I think he probably shows it in other ways. You know, I think he says the words, but I think actions mean a lot in their particular relationship. Like he's like, okay, well, I'm not saying flowers, yeah, whatever, but like other things. You know, he wants to do something for her. He's acts of service.

unbelief. So I think sometimes you can cut people some slack because you might just have a partner that's not that verbal and good with their emotions and perhaps they could get there. But look for the other ways they could be showing you their love and support and apology. Because it's just like, yeah, I'm sorry, whatever. And then they don't do anything and they just, they know that they upset you and they don't fucking care. Don't be with that person. I'm actually glad you brought up your dad. Well, because I always love talking about your dad. But I think this is like, I'm curious your take on this. Like somebody who does, you don't believe the apology. My dad and I had like, We've had a couple, like, pretty bad arguments in 30 years.

We had, like, two bad arguments. And both times, we didn't speak for a little while. And when I finally called him to be like, hey, let's talk about this. His only reaction both times was, I love you so much. You know I would never do anything to purposely hurt you. And that verbiage kind of bothered me. And it's just, yeah, I know that you didn't do something to purposely hurt me, but you didn't purposely not do it either.

Yeah. And, like, I don't want to, like, shit on my dad. He's, like, the greatest person ever. he's my closest friend and confidant. But it's so annoying and disappointing and it's such a letdown because that probably is the depth of the conversation. Yeah. Like he didn't feel like there was anything else to really discuss.

Yeah. And I think that you have to either accept it or not. Yeah. Well, an ex of mine gave me that apology one time and I just had to take it because we were on vacation with my family. And it was like he did the most hurtful thing to me. You know the story I'm not going to get into. It's really fucking sad.

But like says something to me is so terrible. Like, again, when he was drinking and like, just couldn't really. apologize for doing it. And I just had to take the, like, you know, I don't think that. You know I'd never hurt you as an apology. I fucking hated it. I still think about it this day.

I'll still get, like, worked up. Like how, like, you never actually acknowledge that what you said to me out of the terrible thing. The terrible thing you said to me and how it made me feel. You just gave me this like, you know, I would never, well, you did. Anyway.

No, I think that that's, I never really thought about it. That's exactly like what I have on my dad. It was like a really terrible, shitty thing that he did. And like, he never really said to me,

like, I acknowledge it was a terrible, shitty thing to do. He just said exactly what you said, which is like, you know, I love you. You know, I love you. Yeah, I do know that. Can I get a genuine apology? Also, while we're talking about our dad's, timing too, men more so than women, but some women too need a little bit of time.

You can give somebody some time. There's a limit, clearly. And, you know, you know if you're just like freaking out and you haven't heard from somebody in two days. But my mom always tells me about my dad that he just, she wants him to apologize for something he did. And it might be a couple days, you know, like people need to like think about stuff. they need to retreat, they need to think about how they're going to apologize to you or how

they're going to explain why they did what they did. And I think that's just a strong difference between men and women. That's men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Like, men retreat more and they need time to, like, think about stuff. It doesn't mean that they're not sorry. I just think you can give them time sometime. If you're not good at expressing your emotions and apologizing, like, it might take you a minute to figure out what you're going to say.

I think that it's probably more common with men, like you said to apologize. But for me, I realize I really, like in the last few relationships I've been in, like, I need 24 hours to think about how I actually feel before I have a conversation. Because I just get so mad. I make myself sick. I'm so angry. And like I should not have that conversation then. Right.

Because I don't know what I'll say, but it's not an apology. Yeah. Like if you have a big blowout fight, this was my past. Like you just got to simmer down. So I think maybe as women, I'm just going to talk to the women here where you're like, I cannot believe they did this thing. I need an apology. I need an apology to move on from this.

Like, you might just get it in the day or something. Uh-huh. You know. Yeah. So I always just relax a little. Easier said than done. I'm a crazy person. Yeah, same.

Go to a workout class. I mean, I wouldn't, but, you know, other people should. Ashley was screaming, pick up a book last week. Pick up a book. That's true. Pick up a book. I want to talk about. Light their house on fire.

That would make you feel better. Yeah. Go to their house. Just throw like a little cinder block at the window. Yeah. I want to discuss professional apologizers. Okay. I'm glad that you brought this up because I had not experienced this ever until you let me know that I was experiencing it.

And then once you realize that you're like, whoa. So like somebody that you're like, this isn't a bad guy. Yeah. You know, this is a good person and all of a sudden, like their apologies are amazing. Yeah. And then you're like, I can't be mad at them. They feel bad. And it's like, well, how many times has this happened?

Yeah. This happened, I think we were, this is based on, you know, someone that I had a relationship with that did a lot of bad stuff. Again, I wasn't just off scot-free. I did bad stuff too. But his apologies were off the fucking charts. Like, my mom read an email one time that he sent me because, like, things would get heated and I would sometimes have to block him and he would send me an email. And, you know, to collect his thoughts and things like that. And they were the most beautiful, emotional, apologetic, remorseful, self-aware emails you've ever read.

Like, my mom was like, no. wonder you keep forgiving this guy. This guy is a professional at this. And I'm not saying that he wasn't genuine. He, you know, again, like I said, would sober up, self-reflect, and he genuinely felt that. But it comes to a point where you're like, we just, you just got to stop doing the things. Stop doing the thing. You and I say that all the time. Stop doing the thing. Write the email about. There's a deeper thing here. And I think, again, I'm not saying that he's a bad guy, but I think with a lot of guys, they think they can just keep doing stuff and they can give you a genuine an apology and they'll get a little emotional and self-aware because the bar is so low for men

showing their emotions and you'll forgive them. And you can only apologize so many times before you have to assess the relationship and like, why is this constantly apology and forgiveness? Just stop hurting me. I think people like that also and whether they're doing it on purpose, I'm sure that he had emotional issues that led to this. But I think that the lows are so low that like they give you anything. I mean, this guy sounds like he really, really apologized amazingly. But like the lows are so alone, they feel so bad. And so when they do something that's tremendously introspective and kind, it's just like this, it's washing over you of like, I can't believe I get to be with somebody who's, like, who's this wonderful. Of course he didn't mean that stuff. It's crazy because

it's just weird. It's this weird thing of like, not many men are super introspective and self-aware. I don't want to say not many. A lot of men aren't. So when you get this guy that does this terrible thing or he lashes out or he does these things to you and then he apologizes in this beautiful way, you're you just forgive. It's easy to forgive. And I, I want to to talk about grand gestures too, because this is something I think about a lot with shitty men. Grand gestures of like some huge

thing that they, you know, do something out of a movie. They show up to your house. They do something for you. I'm trying to think of like a grand gesture. You guys know what I mean. Something that's crazy. They show up at a public place and they do all these things. It's like, you shouldn't have to do that. If you want to do something romantic and special, you shouldn't have to do it because you're making up for a fight. I saw this in particular with a girlfriend of mine. She was a terrible sociopath cheater. She's great now. She's fine, guys. She's safe.

But he was a grand gesture guy. And he would cheat on her and he would lie to her and he would stay out late doing Coke all night and never come home and do all these terrible things. And then he would like, you know, fill the apartment with balloons and shit. You know what I'm talking about. Like, you shouldn't have to do that as apologies. I think men sometimes think that they can push a woman to the limit to the limit to the limit and they still have this grand gesture in their back pocket.

And they'll still pull something out of a movie and impress you and you'll Instagram and show all your friends or they'll send tons of roses to work and all this shit. And it's like, you shouldn't have to do that. Like, it shouldn't be in your back pocket knowing that you can push her to the limit. where she's almost going to break up with you for good, and then you still do this amazing thing. Well, no woman in the history of time has ever done it. Like, no woman has just cheated and acted like an asshole

and stayed out on, like, doing Coke, and then just, like, showed up with sports tickets for you. And then guys were like, it's fine. She bought me season tickets to the Eagles. Go birds. It's just never in the history of time this has ever happened. Women will do these things. I'm sorry.

I'm going to shit on all the men, but you don't. Women don't do this stuff. Women just don't cheat and cheat and cheat and destroy you emotionally and then just beg for forgiveness by buying you a gift. Amen, sis. I think we need to. Let's look at grand gestures as apologies as total bullshit. Let's shift our mindset.

Grand gestures day to day, because you want to say, I love you, amazing. Marry that guy. But the apology grand jester guy, nope, that's fucked up. Yeah, one time maybe. Okay, somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And think about people's intentions. I will accept or deny an apology just I hear you.

I thought you said that. I'll accept a deny an apology based on what the thing was. Did you intend to hurt me? Is this on purpose? Could you have avoided this? Like one time, fine. But think about this. Think about with your partner or with a friend.

If I did this to them and then I apologize. Like, would they accept it? Or would they look me in a face and say this is total bullshit? Right. Exactly. I think that most men, sorry. Would. I think most men would be like, fuck her.

She's slut. She cheated on me. I don't care what she does. What's she going to do? What's she going to go? I see this happen where a shitty guy that does things to hurt you all the time, he just starts stepping up the apologies. Like the first one is a really self-aware introspective email.

The second one's some gift. The third one's fucking flowers to the office. He just has a weird mindset of like I can always get her back with the right type of apology. And I just be wary of it. Because I like what you said. Yeah, sometimes you make mistakes and you do something really romantic and special. I get it. Right.

But when you feel like you're being manipulated, that's when you have to reassess the relationship. Or is the only time they're pulling out these kind of gestures when they've done something terrible to you? Like, those emails are like a crazy grand gesture too. Like the deep introspection and like that. The only time I really dealt with this a lot was in college, like my boyfriend's senior year,

but like we would fight like crazy. And he also was his shallow as a puddle. But then I would like go back home and I'd get an email from him that was like so beautiful and introspective. And I'd be like, who wrote this for you? Right. Who is behind the computer screen? Plagiarism in college.

Who was writing his papers? He is so hot. Who's writing your apologies? I don't know. I mean, I feel like we got through a lot. We really got into it. I think of ultimately just like forgiving yourself. We're talking a lot about men and doing shitty things and apologizing,

but we do bad stuff too. And we do stuff that we heard people and we feel sick about it. And we have to be vulnerable and apologize and try to get them to forgive us. And I think eventually you just also has to like forgive yourself. Yeah. I mean, this goes back to our episode last year right around this time. was around Halloween called I regret nothing. Like, I think you can beat yourself up and beat yourself up.

I wanted you to talk about this, actually, Raina. Like, the person that just won't let up when you've apologized, when you have given a genuine apology where you're like, I don't know what else you want for me and they won't leave you the fuck alone. I mean, I've been in situations like this where you just say or so. I mean, you and I have never been a situation like this. You and I think like address something head on and we like really talk about it and that it's over.

And I'm so, I think that's what makes us really good as business partners. But yeah, I've had friends in the past. not really boyfriend, girlfriends, that just, like, will not let up. And I think that you have to, like, if they won't let up, I think your final straw is just saying, like, you know I'm a good person, and you know that I care about you,

and I never did anything to you to hurt you. I'm human, and I made a mistake. And if you can't accept that, then I don't know what you want me to say. Right. Like, what, do you want me to kill myself? Right. Don't say that.

People are not going to respond well to that. But, yeah, I mean, I think that that's, like, the final breaking point. It's just, like, saying to a person, like, I just need you to acknowledge, like I made a mistake and I'm human and like you make mistakes too and I will let you make mistakes. Yeah. And you just got to back off.

Right. And that's it. I mean, I think that like with apologies in general and screwing up we're all human, I've screwed up, I've hurt people. And like, more so with like my brother or somebody like who's known me a really long time, we'll say something. Like, you know, you always do this. And it feels really shitty when you hear from somebody. Oh my God. Like I've been doing this a lot.

And it feels bad. But like as long as you can be introspective and take the time to think about it, I think that like, it's fine, you're human. I like that you brought up. I regret nothing because that was a great episode. Yeah. And again, if something just keeps happening and happening and happening, it's a terrible pattern.

This person won't change their behavior and they're constantly to apologize. You might have to break up with them. Like, all relationships run their course. People aren't a fit. I just laughed to myself. I was thinking about what you're talking about yesterday. What if you're mid-argument,

do you realize that you're wrong? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You and I were in an argument in L.A., and I was in the middle of, like, literally yelling. I think this was the only time I ever raised my voice. And I realized how wrong I was just mid-argument. I was like, I ruined her night.

I'm being a crazy person. I'm so drunk. And I like doubled down. It was not the right thing to do. I think you started to kind of like back down a little. No, I started to cry. You know what? You know what?

You know what? You know what a doubt? Just cry. Oh my God. You did. Yep. Gotcha. All right, guys.

don't. You can't cry all the time, though. You've got to save those cries for when you realize you're wrong mid-argument. So just don't, don't overdo it. Save those tears. And when you're in that moment and you were like, God damn it, this thing happened with us yesterday. I wasn't mad at you. I confronted you lightly. Yeah. It was just, it was, there was no even anger behind it. I thought that you had not told me the whole truth about something. And I, um, you come over and I was like, hey, just FYI, like, someone else said something. I was like, I feel like that's not the story I got from Raina and I started to kind of lightly confront you and you go, I told you that. And then I was like, in my head I go, fuck she did.

Because I was about to like run the tape and then I was like, oh yeah, that's right, you did. I never forget stuff and I forgot it. I know. You never forget stuff to the point that I was like, did I not tell her? But then I was like, shit. But had I come at you crazy, you lied to me this. Not that I would. I would never talk to you like that.

But if I had and I was all lit, lit up and I was just like all juiced up like, Rainy, you fucking lied to me, you bitch. And you were like, bitch, I told you what happened that night. I can't even imagine what happened. I would have been like, you're right. No, just start crying. Just start crying. You start crying.

You were, I was yelling at you. And like, you were being so rational at that time in L.A. And I was like, I don't care what she says. Whatever she says, I'm going to say the opposite thing. I do not care. I realized how wrong I was in the moment. And then I burst into tears. And it was so weird because, like, I had just been making out with this guy in the car.

Like, my, I was like wet and turned on. And I came and you just started yelling at me. I was like, I need to wipe my. vagina first before we start fighting. That was too much. What did you say? You said, I felt so bad. You were like, this is such a wonderful night and you ruined it.

And I was so bad at you. Well, I've been in the bathroom crying and fighting with somebody else for an hour. You were dealing with something else. You were triggered. Yes. And so you walked in the middle of it. Yeah, I'm just looking at our Instagram to see if we, we missed anything. Rob Boland, my best guy friend right at the top.

Yeah, your girlfriend, wife is always right. also pizza. Yeah, you know who the first person I always, I heard say that was Joe Judeeis, happy wife, happy life, and he went to prison. And so did she. You know, Rob is somebody, first of all, just got to say it, Rob and his wife

dressed up like us for Halloween. She was a way prettier Raina than I am. Rob wore a blue romper. It was from Amazon. It was a 4X. Did you wear underpants? I don't want to talk about the pictures that weren't safe for Instagram.

Go look on our Instagram guys. It's on my page and girls got to eat. Anyway, this is my best guy friend's wife. newly married. I've talked about the wedding, but they dressed up like us. It was funny. He strikes me as somebody closer to my dad

where he can say, I'm sorry, he can genuinely mean it, but he's not going to get so deep into like emotions and feelings and self-reflection, but he's going to like do something really nice for you to show that he's sorry. And I think sometimes you just have to know you got a guy like that and you know he doesn't mean to hurt you

and you might not get the overly emotional apology, but you know that they're sorry. And I don't know. I don't always, that's not always the case, but he and, you know, my dad and some other men in my life strike me as that type. I think that you're right. Look, I think we give them that a lot of chip, but like not everybody was raised to be like super emotionally in touch. I think there's a sliding scale of like how feminine people are and like some guys just aren't. And like shallow as a puddle guy, like, he's very masculine. And like, I don't think that he was able to really

understand how I felt about things. But like, like, we got a own fight one year because I wanted to go to Pittsburgh for my birthday. And he was like, I think it's kind of like too soon, basically to meet your whole family, meet all your friends, go home with you. And he was right, he was right, but I was really hurt by it. And the next day, he rented a car to drive to New York. He didn't live here. But he rented a car to drive here to surprise me and, like, just spend some time with me. And it wasn't like a bullshit grand gesture.

It was like he felt bad that I felt bad. For sure. He did something nice for me. So I think you're right. And I think it's important to, I mean, shit on that a lot. So it's important to just like say like not everybody is the same. Right. And check yourself.

Like the thing that happened that I addressed up top where I had to call Corey about, the reason why I felt hurt by my boyfriend at the time was from past shit. You know, like, if you feel hurt by something, you've got to ask yourself, does this person actually do something that can be perceived as wrong? Or am I just scarred from my previous relationship? Like, I remember a girlfriend of mine, she flipped out on her boyfriend one time. They're now married. They're great.

She flipped out on him because he, like, fell asleep on the couch at night or something like that because it was a trigger from her dad. You know what I mean? Like, which is a little deep, but I think she had to realize that or maybe she went to therapy. but we all are just triggered from our dads, from our past relationships. Like, her boyfriend didn't do anything wrong for falling asleep on the couch. And then she flipped out and had to like retract it and be like, I did this because of my past. You literally did nothing wrong.

And it's a hard pill to swallow. You have to be really vulnerable and put away your ego completely to make apologies like that. Okay, I think that's really interesting that you said that about past relationships and realizing what you're dragging into the current one. Because we have a friend, a couple that I thought was like a pretty good couple, but she had been cheated on previously. We're friends with him. but she'd been cheated on, and I know she had, like, a lot of triggers about being cheated on.

He could not be more, I mean, we don't date him, but I think he could be not more trustworthy. And kind, honestly, just too late. Not doing anything shady, you know? And we were with them, and he, like, looked at somebody the wrong way, and she, like, lost her mind, and I know that was really tough for him, and it sucks to be around it, too. Honestly, like, as a friend is an onlooker, but, like, I think him and her and us, like, we all realized that was, like, trauma from another relationship. and ultimately like they split up because of stuff like that, you know?

And I think that like maybe you start thinking like, am I accusing this person of something the last person did before it like tanks your whole relationship? Yeah. And then, you know, you might need to get into therapy. If you have so much triggers and so much trauma of therapy, every should mean therapy. It's amazing. But like that was a past relationship of mine. Like he was just constantly triggered.

I was like walking in a minefield at all times from his past. And so I mean, he went to therapy, you know. And we try to make it work as long as we could. But that was like, I mean, that's. the answer to that. And also read these books. Overall in response to our Instagram question was like basically why won't he apologize? Why can't apologize? That's the title of the book. So, you know, somebody like that can can explain it better than we can. And again, Gary Chapman, five apology languages is probably pretty helpful. I think it's like pretty like not a hot take,

but. But I like that. Understanding your partner. Understanding what an apology is from your partner. And like maybe somebody can't be super introspective, but at least, you know, gives you something. That's so interesting. Why won't you? I've never really dealt with somebody not apologizing. I don't know where I... I mean, the way you're wired and your bill just comes from your parents and your upbringing

and your past and stuff like that. I don't know. I guess I've never... When I was a kid, I was just such a little brat, you know? Like, we should tell this story really quick. Let me just tell it really quick because it's... You know this probably. It's like my most, my craziest story.

So, but the way it ends is like the perfect ending to the apology talk and then maybe we can play the game unless you have anything else to say. Okay. So I was a... such a little cun when I was a kid. I was great student, straight days, but I was like a total bitch and I wasn't even cute. My mom was like, what the hell? How did this happen to us? So I was in sixth grade. I was 11 and we were staying at dinner and my dad said, he was, I got one B in my life

on a report card. And my dad was like, give me shit jokingly. He's like, oh, you got a B, huh? And I just flipped out and I was like, I can get a B if I want to get a B. I'll get all Fs. And I just like, my parents would like, you get back down here like, no. And I go, I'm tears in my room and I said, in another thing, Dad, don't you dare come in my room and I turned down my heater because I had like the coldest room in the house and I had this like heater that was probably going to burn the house down. So before my dad would go to bed, he would put it on a setting that wasn't going to burn the house down. I would wake up freezing. I was fucking pissed. And I was like, don't you dare. And I ran upstairs for the end of the night.

This is like 6 p.m. dinner was over and I saved my bedroom all night. And I booby-trap the room. It was wild. I'm not going to get into the details, but like I had seen home alone. And I was like a smart kid. I did this, you guys. I'm not going to get into how I did it. I remember completely, but it's just too long to explain to you. But bottom line is what happened was when my dad was going to open the door to come into my room, it hit a recorder that said step away from the door. And it was like me yelling. I recorded into like my like thing, my like handheld recorder. And then if he got as far as the heater, I had taped a thumbtack, pointy side up, so he would prick himself if he got as far as the heater. But he never did. He came in the room.

The recorder starts blared, wakes everybody up at like midnight. Step away from the door. step away from the door. And he just abandoned the whole mission and went back into my mom's bedroom. It was like, I can't fucking deal with her. She's out of control. And he was so upset about the next morning. My mom woke up and started calling boarding schools and she realized she couldn't afford it. Or they couldn't afford it.

They were like, we have to send her away. She was calling like, what at what age can we send her to you? Like to live with you. We cannot raise this child anymore. And I was about to get in the school bus, public school, love a big advocate. And my mom goes, before I went to school, she pulls me aside. She's like, you need to apologize to your father. And I go, he needs to apologize to me and got on the bus and went to school.

I would have sold you into the sex site train. And that's when she started calling it. That's actually when she started calling for. I would have put you on a boat fucking Timbuktu. I wouldn't even even cared what happened to you. That would be the last time. I would have sold you into adoption. I don't care.

So look, I haven't always been this way. I apologize a lot today. I was always like this. When I was a kid, I refused. He needs to apologize to me. But I will say my mom didn't use the right language to get an apology out of me if she had used the advice from this podcast. She might have had a different response. She went about it all wrong.

Listening to your mom tell that story is one of the greatest moments ever. Your dad still doesn't think it's as funny as I think he should. Your mom thinks it's hilarious. My dad still has trauma. He's like, God, I can't believe we raised her. She's such a cunt. Any final remarks? People were we getting to this game.

I'm so excited. I'm just glad that hopefully somebody beat you up as a kid, changed you. You grew up. But again, I was like 11 then, I'm in my 30s now, but you can, I'm not who you are as a kid, but even from your 20s, like I accepted way less responsibility for things I did in my 20s. Like you just grow up a lot of times. And we know you guys are younger, a lot of you guys. And some of these things will change.

You know, if you're finding a lot of men that aren't in touch with their emotions and they can't apologize and they can't be self-aware. Like, it'll get better. I promise you. It gets better. People grow up. They start to accept more responsibility for their actions. They start to have more empathy.

Hopefully, I have. That's been my experience. I think I've also gotten better at just seeing what my role is in it and also not apologizing for things that I don't think I did wrong. And, like, I think that this business partnership has made me stronger. I think the relationships I've had in my life have made me stronger. Like, not always taking the blame and feeling like I need to step down and feel sorry for things. I'm not scared to argue with people and say how I feel about stuff.

And I like this too. We just keep having final remarks. When somebody apologizes to you, ladies say, I appreciate your apology. Don't say, it's okay. Like, I think that's something that women do there. Or like you said the other day, I revised your text. You were going to send that text to that guy. And you said, you don't even, you don't have anything to apologize for. We're not going to get into it. But he did. And I said, take that line out. That's not the thing. Like, you do have somebody to apologize for it. I'm not going to let you off the hook. I think women do a lot of this thing. We're like, it's okay. It's okay. No worries. And it's like, no, I I deserve that apology and I appreciate it. No, no, none of this. It's okay. No worries, bullshit when you deserve an apology. In that situation, just to defend myself, because that is not how I would behave with somebody I actually cared about. That was somebody I did not want to have a conversation with.

I want to trigger him and roll him up. I just, it's somebody that, like, made me feel a little uncomfortable, and, like, he had apologized for something. Oh, that's right. And I just felt like I don't care about this person or having this conversation. So that is not something I would say to somebody else. But, yeah, I'm glad I took out the line and there was no reason to accept. or deny the apology.

There was no reason to acknowledge it in any way. Right. This guy is not a person that's going to be in your life. But that line, you don't have anything to apologize for. It's okay. No worries. It's just what it says, like, the message that it sends is not good.

It's not going to be good for you. Except the apology. I appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah. You're right. Absolutely. So glad you revised it.

He never responded. So he thought I had to be an apology. He's still watching Instagram stories. Send him flame emojis to my Instagram stories. Okay. Guys, we are going to play a new segment called Fuck My Phone, inspired by events of last week's episode of Rayna's Accidental FaceTime, my thumbs downing of a text. And we put this call out to you guys in last week's

episode, like send us the times that your phone is just totally fucked you or technology or you did something embarrassing and crazy. And we just thought we were going to get a lot of the same and we didn't. We got a wide array of embarrassing stories. I'm so excited to share these. You guys, really, there's no limit to the amount of ways you've ruined your lives with your cell phones. I have a really quick story and I have another story. The story that you know, my phone fucked me so bad.

So you and I always talk about like shopping at Express and how there's always a coupon. So we would never pay full price. So I was texting with you and this guy and I sent him a text message. I meant to send to you. And I said, I might fuck around

and pay full price and Express just to flex. Guys, again, Express, please sponsor us. We can't beg enough. All I do is pay, all I do is pay everything there. Anyways, I sent it to him. He's not something I've been dating more than a week. And he said something kind of funny back to it.

And I was like, oh, shit, that wasn't meant for you. That was meant for somebody else. And he said something else. Anyways, I screenshot that. I texted you. And I said, oh, my God, I just sent this to this guy. And you said something. And I immediately typed, well, his response was blah, blah, blah, blah.

And then my response was blah, blah, blah. And somehow in the universe, without, I don't know, noticing, I had switched back over to his text message. I sent him his screenshot and I explained to him what he just said to me, which was paraphrased and not really what he said to me. I can't believe you did it twice. I can't believe you did it twice. Twice. Like you were, you did not learn the first time. I texted him the wrong thing and then texted him the screenshot of texting him and lied because he said something so unfunny. And I was like, I can't let Ashley know how unfunny what his response was. So I paraphrased it. That's wild. I paraphrased it back to him in a funnier. I rewrote his bit.

Oh my God. It was so humiliating. I have a quote for you. Yeah. Fool me once. Raina Greenberg. I can't believe you did it twice. It's so humiliated.

But not quite as humiliating as the time I was on Venmo. Oh, my God. You know in the activity list, you can like people's payments. I don't even know how this got in here because his phone number was not in my phone anymore. my ex-fiance paid his current girlfriend rent money and I liked it. You did not. Yes. I liked his red payment on Venmo.

No. No. I think is that. I just stared at my phone and I was just like, I have to move. Oh my God. I have to leave the country and I have to move. I'm going to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. I have to move.

That's amazing though. That's kind of savage. Also, yeah, you could like pretend that you did it on purpose. Like it's a power move. Okay, I want to show you this. It's a visual. Okay, this is, I don't know this person. This was a friend of a friend, but she sent it to us.

I mean, her friend was fine with it. Well, actually, I'm not sure. But anyway, bottom line, friend of a friend, this girl got engaged and she had a picture of the ring and she sent it to all her family and friends, as you do. And it turns out it was a live photo. So here's the thing. Most parents don't know how to hold their thumb down. on the live photo.

But I'm sure somebody did. And I'm going to show you the photos. And you're going to hold it down to be live. I've seen this photo, but I haven't seen it live yet. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So all I saw was the ring. Oh, my God. Okay.

So here's the ring. Beautiful ring. Manicure the whole nine. She sends this to everybody. What is that? Oh, my God. It's his dick. It's like his full dick.

Like just waving around. Oh, my God. Oh, let me see it again. Oh, ball sack too. It's all of it. What is he doing? He's like waddling his dick towards her ring. Here's the thing.

Ballsack too. I think this is like a funny couple. I think what happened was that she was like taking this picture and he was being like, you should give me a hand up. Do she bro? Or whatever. Just like I'm going to get my dick in that picture. And she didn't realize it was live.

So she was like, oh, well, he came over with his dick out to be funny. And I still got a shot of the ring that I love, not realizing it was live. I mean, it is her beautiful hand. And then this dick comes in the frame. Waddling in the. Ball sack. The ball sack is the most offensive. He took the whole thing out. He came in her ball sack first. It's so disgusting. All right. We're ready to read. Fuck my phone. Listener submissions.

Okay. Here's a Snapchat one. We haven't said that we're not on a Snapchat in so long. But anyway, guys, we are on Snapchat, but no shade. One night, I went to the bar and I came home drunk as hell. I was sitting at my table eating some chicken nuggets and thought, wow, I really want to have sex right now. I feel this vibe. So I fixed my hair and opened up Snapchat. I took this drunk selfie, which I thought looked totally hot with the captions so drunk, please help, smirk face. Went to the next page where you click who you want to send it to. I had about five guys. I was going to send it to you and I clicked on all of them and hit send. Mind you, this was during the time when Snapchat just came out with the group feature because you used to just send it and it

would go to just them. Drunk me looks back at the sent list. I realized that I created a group chat with all of my booty calls. I was horrified. In that group chat, I had the following. One, my ex. Two, my ex is friend. Three, my ex's other friend. Four, this guy I told my ex not to worry about. Five, some random. So I sobered up really quickly and took myself out of the group chat. The next morning I woke up to a text from one of them saying, what was this group chat that you created?

I responded, what group chat? Never again. Someone please take my phone away from you when I'm drunk. That is wild. I can't even like gather myself. This is so crazy. Also, how many of your ex's friends are you fucking, girl? Girl.

She's like fucking the whole baseball team. My ex, my ex, my ex's friend, my ex's other friend. Damn. That bitch a savage. Number four is my favorite. agree with her life choices, but it made me laugh. The guy told my ex not to worry about. That is so funny.

Also, I like that she casts a wide net. This girl's like a man. Only men do this stuff. Good for her. I would just double down and be like, anyone interested? Did I tell you die? Okay. So I was hooking up with a guy in college who was part of a big friend group who parted together regularly.

We were hooking up in his room when he got up to go to the bathroom. While he was gone, I texted my roommates. Fuck, I like him. Next thing I know his phone. lights up and I realized I sent the text to the wrong group message. I sent it to all of my roommates and his roommates. I quickly started a panic and I grabbed his phone trying to delete the message. Next thing I know he walks in and while I had his phone in my hand, which appeared like I was stooping through his phone, needless to say, this started the dreaded, what are we conversation?

And it didn't go well. I got up and left. I mean, also I'm assuming he was in that group chat, obviously. She sent him to roommates and his roommates. Okay. You were caught for so many things, by the way. I was just snooping in the phone. Well, the best part of this is, that's fine. Like, a guy would be flattered. If I got an accidental fuck,

I really like this girl, I am wet. That is so hot. If it's somebody that I like, but the fact that he came out of the bathroom and she was looking through his phone, like, that's the funniest part of this to me. Absolutely funny.

You're right. Like, I think that like there's at least plausible deniability or like you could make it cute. I think sometimes really manipulative, like player type of guys. Like, are you think they accidentally on purpose, on purpose and accidental text to make themselves seem like vulnerable and like it's I think it's a weird move they do I wish

more guys would accidentally text me that I know that's true fuck I like her so much um this one this is something I would do okay summer after graduating college I was hanging out with my great white buffalo from high school okay I don't know that term but it means the one that got away okay hanging out with the one that got away we'd hung out two or three times but we hadn't hooked up yet because we were both back from college living with our parents so we didn't really have anywhere to go. One night he invited me over to his parents' house while they were out of town, and I'm sure we both knew that this was the time for it to go down. He texted me telling me to come over whenever, and I replied back quickly saying, coming over in a sec, I put my phone

down and kept getting ready. He quickly replied, and when I opened the conversation, I saw that my phone auto-corrected my message to coming over for sex, which yes, was true, but I'm not really one to be so straightforward. His response to that message was pick up condoms. Oddly, that wasn't a forever love connect. We hooked up that night. Blah, blah, blah. We went our separate ways. I'll usually.

I love this so much. Sex. SEC, SEC, like changes to sex a lot. That happens to me a lot. I mean, luckily I usually try to perfect my text where I said it. But like, that is so funny.

I'll be over soon. I'll be over for sex. Coming over for sex. And he's like, fuck yeah. He's like, I've been waiting my whole life for somebody to be this up front with me. What else are you coming over for?

Right. Blow jobs on the table too? Big cup condoms. That is so funny. My friend had been talking to a guy over text for a few weeks. They went on a date and then like the asshole most men are, he ghosted her. She showed me their messages a few weeks later and I scrolled about a month back into the messages and accidentally liked one of his flirty messages to her and freaked out and tried to

unlike it and then hearted the message. Would kill you. Then I had to unheart the message, aka he got three like, heart, unheart messages from a girl he ghosted weeks ago and it was all my fault. Worst friend ever. He never said anything. Tangle we've been friends for nine years and she still loves me. I mean, they were never going to work out.

He ghosts her, but it is so embarrassing, but you got to laugh about that. It is so funny to me. It seems intentional. You know what I did that was so embarrassing? I was so drunk one night and this guy from Hinge who like totally ghosted me. I sent him a blank message. Just nothing. Just nothing.

I just hit set just so that like my name would go to the top of his screen. You did on purpose? I did it on purpose. Oh my God. It just seemed like an accident. There was like no reason at all that I would ever be. Yeah. It was so embarrassing.

Sick move, bro. I'm reading this one because I think it's funny. And I'm going to tell you a funny story about it. Okay, this is quick. Okay, she writes similar, but not a text. When I was scrolling through Facebook a few years ago, I accidentally friended my ex's dad from the people you may know tab. A week after we broke up.

A few years later, I accidentally friended him again. Six months after we broke up a second time. Okay. I can get over this. Like her and her ex have broken up twice and each time after she befriended his dad. I'm going to fuck your dad. Like I'm going to fuck your dad. This, a friend of mine, a good friend of that we know.

I think you were there. Did the shoot? I think I showed you this. This was very funny. A friend of ours got a text must have been accidental from her ex's dad. X like dated for years. But she's in a new relationship. She's in a new relationship.

He's in a relationship, whatever. But it was like some sort of like spam. Hey, check out this photo book. and use my code. Like, I don't know how this happened. I don't know if he sent a mass text to everybody in his contacts. And it was like, use my code for a photo book.

And the photo book preview, photo preview was his son and his new wife. Like, it was her ex's dad sent her a photo book of her ex and his new wife. It was crazy. She sent us the screenshot.

And she was like, can I block his dad? What the fuck? All people don't know how to use technology. They shouldn't be allowed to do that. That is a crazy burn. I'm making my mom do all my dirty work. I'm going to make my mom text all of my ex's photos of us on stage. See how many people block your mom.

She's so savage. She doesn't care. Oh, my God. All right, guys. Well, fuck my phone. We have more coming. There was one I wanted to read, but it's just getting too long and it's a long one. But it's really funny.

So we'll save it for next time. All right. Well, thank you guys for submitting that. We love you guys. I haven't asked in a very long time. But please leave a rating on iTunes. There's a lot of you to listen. Just scroll down to the bottom.

Click five stars. to do. So we would really, really appreciate it. Yeah. And then Ashley will take us out. Yeah, guys, like we said, we're coming to San Diego and L.A. more shows being announced soon. We should still have some tickets left in D.C. and New Orleans. And maybe a few scattered throughout New York.

10 left in New York. About 10 in Boston. For the holiday shows and some in Boston, too. Stupid Live shows.com. Girls got to eatpodcast.com. Click on shows. New merch coming soon for the holidays. We promise. Girls got a podcast on Instagram. Ash has on Instagram. Raina.combeard on Instagram.

and Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter. Killed it. We'll see you guys soon. Have a week.