Girls Gotta Eat - Spending the Holidays with Partners and Families … Or Not?

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

'Tis the season to talk about peace, love…and drama. We discuss the dynamics of spending the holidays with family when you're in a relationship, how to navigate the in-laws, what most couples are doing (and not doing), and our controversial opinion on spending every holiday with your partner. We also talk about family estrangement, our feelings on "Life is too short to fight with your family," and how to work through some of these hard situations. Then we share some of our listeners' hilarious/traumatic holiday experiences with partners' families that truly shocked us. And before we get into the topic, we're debating two polarizing shower behaviors, and Rayna has a big announcement! Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Aura Frames: Get $35 off the bestselling Carver Mat frame at https://auraframes.com with code GGE. Article: Head to https://article.com for a beautiful new sofa, dining table, or bed. Skims: Shop our favorite pajamas at skims.com. Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster at https://rocketmoney.com/gge. Storyworth: Get $10 off or more at https://storyworth.com/gge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we are talking about spending the holidays with partners and family. Or not. Or not. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. We are recording on a Friday after noon. Like 4 p.m. on a Friday.

Like, do we even own our own business? Like, who made us come here? We made this decision together. But then I was like, let's get drinks after. Hang out socially like you always want to do. You never asked me to hang out. We're probably doing it. So I will say, I am excited to hang out with you, but I have just been wanting to go to the place that's, there's a great place right next door to our studio.

We don't utilize it enough. It is stunning. The drinks are great. The food's great because everywhere in LA, the food is great. And so I'm excited to just bop over there. We don't go there enough. That should be our spot. We used to hang out after we recorded.

We couldn't get enough of each other in the beginning of our relationship. We got to dinner. First three months. We got to dinner. It's first years and years. We hung out to dinner every night after we recorded at Ozatar. I love to see people. I act like you don't want this.

Start up. Everybody wants this life. I love to see people start doing a podcast when it's, I mean this genuinely. I don't want to sound condescending. When people start a podcast, like we have friends that are doing one right now and they're like drinking. And it's just so loose. Like I love that energy. And then one day it becomes your business and you're like, I guess we shouldn't drink on the job.

but also you can You could do anything I think it just sounded cute and funny to be like be drunk when we recorded narrator Raina was not cute

and funny when she was drinking yeah I was like no one can ever tell when I drank everyone's like is she speaking words

is that even English I know one drink my list comes flying out of my face I like to talk about we'll get into it but just I want to

up top so I just got my if you guys are not comfortable I just got my nails done. Here's the thing. I have not strayed from a reddish color that matches my ring since I got engaged. And because it's a lot going on. And I wanted to compliment or match. And so I've always done Ruby, red, hues. One time I did a light pink, which was complimentary. I wanted to do this for the holiday show, which is over now. So thank you guys for coming. We should say that up top.

We'll talk about it next week. But I'm sure it was amazing. And I've done this before. This is gold, chrome with Rayna Dahl with black bass so you can do chrome powder on a white or a black base.

I did this before. I did it for the Beyonce concert. I've done silver with a black bass and it looked great. And I think this is my fault.

This is my fault. My nail girl is incredible. Like they look amazing if this is what I wanted but I don't anymore. Did you? Okay, let me ask you.

I feel like it's like the most common meme from like 2018 of like we're all scared of our nail people. Like we all realized it as like a community. Are you forgetting, do we break this? Are you forgetting that we, you said this an hour ago, I was like, I'm having nail regret.

And you were like, we should talk about in the podcast. I'm like, we already did and it went viral. Are you not? Everybody, everybody ripped us off. We did a whole clip on like, I started with saying we're not talking about nail regret enough. Oh, no, no, I meant being afraid of your nail tech. Oh, I'm not. We've been together longer than Shashonk and I, Julietta and I.

Yeah. She comes to my house. We've been together. Me and Jess, too. Since March, 2023. Yeah. I mean, she was like, how was Ashley's wedding? How's a fishing?

Jess, love Jess. Shalja Juliana and Jess. Pinky's Nail Salon in Santa Monica's best. This is on me. And I've already messaged her and been, I might want to get it redone. I don't want to look at this for a month. I feel bad. I don't want to look for a month.

I can feel it. Well, it's, this does look pretty dope. It just doesn't match my rings. And it's a little too, like, green. I want it more. It's just not the gold I wanted. It does look. Sick. People like it. So I've done silver chrome and I've done green chrome, actually green,

not gold green. And people like it, but it's just, it's not, she did a great job. She crushed it. It's just not what I, I didn't know myself in that moment. I didn't know you. And you know that feeling. You're like, I've made a mistake. I also don't like anything like too loud or busy because I get sick of it in two days. And I'm just like, why did I do this? I want polka dot nails so badly, but I know I will hate her in two days. Yeah, like let's look at the calendar here. These are going to be how I enter 2026. Wait, you, a whole month? Yeah, I do a month, a month.

Oh, I do like two and a half weeks. Oh, okay. I go a month. Wild. I can't enter. This can't be the energy. Might go long. I go into 2026 with.

No, but if you're seeing something, you should say something. Yes, if you see something, say something, one nail, think about, take a break, take a breather. Hold your phone with it, type with it. Look at your rings with it. And how do you feel? Yeah. They love if you just speak up after one nail.

Tell people if you're uncomfortable. Okay. Use your voice. It's your body. Yeah, exactly. Speak your truth. All right. We're going to thank our partisan of a big announcement.

Okay. So thank you to ORAFraM's. Get $35 off the best-selling CarverMatt frame at AuraFrames.com with code GGE. And article. Head to article. com for a beautiful new sofa, dining table, or bed, and Skims. Shop our favorite pajamas at skims.com. And thank you to Rocket Money.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster at rocketmoney. dot com slash gGE. And thank you to Storyworth. Get $10 off or more at storyworth.com slash gge. I'm so excited. Oh, my God. Are you nervous? How do you feel?

I feel so excited. I feel the most excited. Nothing but I've ever held in my life. Except for when we sold out the Chicago Theater and the Beacon. And just, I mean, all my professional accomplishments with you. Those are the most exciting times in my life. So I am really proud and excited to announce. I've been working on this really hard.

This is going to be a huge professional accomplishment of mine. And I have felt so inspired by you. you, of course, for so long. And I am announcing my first solo tour. I am going to 20 cities. It's called Honestly, it's you. It is an hour of dating and sex. And obviously, it's a love letter to all the people that I've dated in the last year and all

the problems I had with them and why they're the problem and not me. It's therapeutic, if you will. Any therapist coming, they're like, oh, no. This is how you code. My follow-up tour is going to be called, and I was right. If I've slept with you this year, this is about you. Just so you know. I like that name.

If I slept with you this year, this is about you. You probably think this is about you and you are correct. Is this fucking play about us? Every guy in the audience. Wait, is this about us? I've thought about a couple people sitting there in that audience, being like, this is about me. I don't even watch Euphoria and I think about that meme all the time.

All the time. All the fucking time. So it's called, honestly, it's you. It is 20 tour style. It starts January 29th. I'm announcing it today. Presale starts December 17th. The code for presale is honestly.

And full send sale starts on December 19th, 10 a.m. Local time. The website to shop is Raina Greenberg.com. Remember, guys? She got Squarespace. Shell to Squarespace. I'm just, I'm really excited about how it looks so far. Our tour poster designer is amazing.

Brian and Chloe, who did our website, did my website. It just looks great. and I've been just working on these stories and I go to sleep telling myself these jokes every single night and I'm just, I'm so excited to see you guys on the road and I have incredible openers are one of our best friends,

Brittany Schmidt, is going to come with me and I'm kicking off the tour in Tampa, January 29th and then Miami February 1st and Ashley will be with me to give me away to the world. That first show, my dad is also coming. You and my dad. I can't even believe it.

We need to be up there together arm and arm. Bill and I giving you away. He'll fart on stage. Raina was fighting for this Florida tour start. It wasn't originally supposed to be in Florida. And then it was just like it has to be in Tampa, you know? Tampa means a lot to me. I really like it.

If anybody is a connection to Dave Batista, I think he should be there. I would really like Dave Batista to be there. Okay. And I don't see why not. All of our friends are going to the Miami one. And we're going to, yeah, we're going to a bachelor's party that weekend in between. So I just, I cannot wait. The material is so fun and funny.

I can't wait to see you guys and just travel the country. And I mean, what a blessing. And I'm ending the tour in New York City, May 14th at Gramercy Theater. We had our very first holiday show and I feel emotional about it. I think about that show and just like thanking everybody. And I'm just so excited. I know. I'm just so excited too.

I'm so proud of you. And I know a lot of the material and I think it's so hilarious and really inspiring too. And you guys are going to love it. And I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait to come to some of these and not work. I'm so excited for you.

I get to be like Rana, just Rosey on stage, slurring, announcing her. You can run out there if you want. I don't care. I think it'll be fun. It'll be great. You know, we had this really nice moment in the car the other day where I told you this line and you were like, you know what you should say. And you like completed the line and I was like, I broke that line.

And I was just like, man, that's like the same brain. Like it made me laugh so hard. And I just, I can't fucking wait. I can't wait to do it. It's going to be so much fun. And that's it. I can't wait to see you guys on the road. And this is great for holiday tickets.

I set those prices pretty low. So if you need last minute holiday gifts for people, I love that. Get those tickets and bring your friends, bring your partner, your dad, your mom, whoever.

Guys, when you get Raina's tickets and post on stories, tag me to, I'm going to be reposting. I'm going to feel the rats. I wish I would. I can't tell you.

I'm going to be living vicariously. No, it's going to start to get weird. It's like, that's not Ashley's tour, but she's at every stop. When you launched your tour and then you were posting the Instagram stories, I was like, oh, man, I want to post these. Yeah, so tag me too. You guys.

I'm going to outpost Raina. Like, we're getting so many tags today for the tour. What is Ashley of somebody's story repos? Oh, my God. It is going to be mid-tour. You're going to be like, you don't have to come anymore. Like, it's fine. I'm like, no, people want to see me.

They, people keep asking for me, I think. I'll be like, show me the DMs. I think people love to see you on this tour. No, I, it's just the Florida thing, again, like we have a friend's way of Alyssa's bachelor's that weekend, and it just like made sense and we're both going to be together and it's just going to be so fun. And, you know, start it somewhere warm,

because right after that, you're going straight. Addison to Wisconsin. Hypothermia tour. But all the cities that we know and love, and if you don't see your city there, you know, let me know, but it's Philly, it's D.C., it's Boston. it's San Diego, San Francisco, obviously, L.A., New York,

Madison, Denver, Houston, Austin, Dallas. Where else am I going? Minneapolis? Yeah. Say other stuff. I think you said, I mean, Chicago, obviously. I think you named. Oh, Portland and Seattle.

Yeah. That might be it. Phoenix. Okay. I think I hit them all. You know, I could have just read it off the tour. I think that's fat felt like 20. That felt like 20 to me.

And if you don't see your city there, you know, maybe I'll do a second leg. Who's just a second leg? You can always add. I was add until the last minute. I was like Philly. I'll be there next week. Yeah. You were like, I just added this Minneapolis show.

Oh, that's out. That was weird. That was so a week out. What's at it? I may practice this in New York, so I am performing in New York this week. If you guys want to come see me at the stand, I'll be there. And that's it. Just, you know, I love you guys so much.

To have this audience is such a blessing and to be inspired by you is such a blessing and to have seen what you accomplished this year. I mean, 43 sold-out shows. It's unbelievable. And I can't wait. And this audience is just the greatest blessing in the world. I can't wait to go into 20-26. with you guys and share this with you.

And I just, I love you guys so much. I can't wait to see you. So Rainagreeberg.com, get those tickets. If they sell out, we'll think about adding more shows. We'll see. But try to sell it out. Obviously. Okay.

Okay. Well, love you. Can't wait. You're going to come on the whole tour. You don't have to come on stage. You could just hang out. We'll see. I'll see how I feel.

Me and Brittany could hang out. I got that other opener. He's hot. Yeah. That shouldn't be a selling point for you. But he's nice to look at. I've great openers. You guys will love them.

That's going to be great. When Raina hard launched her opener to me, I was just like, oh my gosh, it's so crazy. Oh, what I told you. No one thought this was a good idea. He's too hot. But that's your whole brand. Like, hey, Raina, not a good idea. And then you do it anyway. And then you're like, that's their fault. Honestly, it's you. So, you know, I was going to call, this is funny. So Melanie and I were like, workshopping ideas. And she's like, I think you should call it. Honestly, it's May. And I was like, that's funny. And I was like, that's funny. I was telling Andrew Collin, and he was like, that doesn't feel authentic to you. And I was like, you're right.

Me blaming other people for my problems feels much more authentic to me. Yeah, it really is so true. Like, not that I don't, I like, honestly, it's me too, but that is not the takeaway. The takeaway is not self-reflection. The takeaway is a mirror up to your behavior. Even though everyone told me not to do it. I did it anyway. Probably the longest part of the hour is specifically something that no one thought.

I can't even stress. Nobody would even talk to me about it. No one endorsed it. So much worse. No one would even talk to me about it. Yeah. No one would entertain it where I was like, he's being so cute, funny. No one would ever, no one would even, I know. We all were just trying to block it out. And look, I have a 15 minute set about it now. Exactly. Okay, well, Rainierberg.com. Everybody tag me to and you said you had something to tell me. Okay. So you guys might be looking me up on Instagram and there is a feature, the search feature now. So if you type in my name, it gives you like an AI summary of the person. So this is a new thing that's been happening on Instagram. Oh, okay. Yeah, when you search. Have you done this before? Have you done this

recently? I haven't done it for myself. Remember you said the people that you're following are appearing at the top? Yeah. If you let it keep cooking, it'll give you an AI summary. It'll give you to, and a bunch of our listeners have sent me this. Okay. Rita Greenberg, a media entrepreneur podcast host passed away on January 7th, 2025. The internet thinks I'm dead. No. What do you mean? She's best known for co-hosting the popular podcast girl has got to eat alongside Ashley Hustle Time. The podcast focuses on candidates, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Before her passing, Rayna. How did you die? It doesn't say January 7th. January 7th. January 7th, like during the L.A. fires. Oh, my God. They think you died in the fire? That was the first day of the fire.

Did you post something that, like, the Internet AI founded as she died? I don't think so. Oh, my God, I'm dead. Okay, so before her passing, Raina had built a successful career in media, leaving behind her experience in culinary, in the colony world, working in New York City restaurants, blah, blah, okay. Her work has earned her a substantial net worth estimated to be around $5 million in 2025. How do you guys know this? Thanks to her podcast and book deals. Okay.

Raina's legacy lives on through her podcast and the impact she's made in our audience. If you're looking for more information on her work, you can check out Girls Got to Eat and her podcast interview with trading sales. Secrets Podcast, Jason Tartick. Jason wrote this? That's where my legacy lives on. Jason Tartick. Jason wrote this. R-I-P.

And there's some insane photos below it, and then I pulled yours. So I'm alive? You are alive. Okay. They're like, Ashley died on November 1st, 2025. Ashley. Her legacy died. Ashley died on January 8 because she killed herself after she, after Rayna's

Yeah. Okay. Ashley has still the time best known as Ash has, has been touring. with her comedy show, sex before marriage. Her latest tour included The Ice House in Pasadena. That's the whole thing it says. Sold out City Winery twice. They're like, The Ice House.

I did the Wilbur. I shot two sold out shows for my special. But sure, the Ice House. Literally the smallest room. She's also the co-s, the popular podcast girls got to eat, and she's been making waves in the comedy world with her honest storytelling. No one said that about me.

Ashley Hustletide has also released music as well with recent tracks like Make Me New and Like a Child, available on SoundCloud. So there is a singer named Ashley Hussles. Oh, they're it. Ashley Hesse. Okay. I think she was even on American Idol. So it must be that.

Okay. And then afterwards they pull a sample of photos. No. Is it that one getty image? Don't. So it says this, you know, and then you scroll up. What the fuck? No, stop, don't.

Oh, my God. What the fuck is that? Photo. This is so disturbing. I'll put it on the screen for you guys. I don't know. Two photos down is like a photo from 2015 of you on stage. Yeah.

There's like one photo of me and you and photos of you and Francis. I'm like, how did he even get on here? This is something. The one right below it's from 2015. Yeah, but at least it's a comedy photo. All right. We'll head to YouTube if you guys want to see what we're talking about. This is so funny.

So I wanted to tell you I'm dead. Our listeners have been telling me that I'm dead. Okay. I have a couple questions for you. And we'll get into the topic today and a reason why I wanted to do it. I just, I consumed a lot of TikTok over Thanksgiving. What else was there to do? Yeah, I just was like, scrolling too late.

But I still, I got some, like, ideas. And this came to me in a TikTok. This girl was just like, it's just coming to my attention that not everybody showers with their partner. And I was in the comments and they were split. People saying, like, of course I shower with my partner. Not every time, but we shower together and it's intimate. And other people saying, like, I would never. I have lived with three men in my life.

I have never showered with my partner. Never. Never. I can't, unless it was sex related, unless we were drunk and I was like, let's get in the shower. Okay. So it could be like a four place situation. Yes. Unless if it's cleanliness purposes, like my daily shower, I'm going to shave, it's inconceivable to me.

I'm going to give you some reasons why, though. First of all, I've lived in New York City my whole life, and most of the showers were not big enough for two people. Okay. So I don't think I ever had a shower in New York big enough for two people. This is a New York thing. Because my shower now has two gigantic, you could fit eight people in my shower. It's a car wash. Yes.

You could literally fit a car. You can put my car in the shower. And there's two giant shower heads. There'll be no reason to not. But near city bathrooms are too small to have two people in them. And also I just, until more recently in my life, I had a lot of body image issues. And like, even though I was like 115 pounds, under 10 pounds when I was engaged, I don't think I liked my body enough that I could like deescalate enough to be naked and like washing

my hair. And like I looked great. Yeah. But I think it was like inconceivable to me. But today in my big shower and like I love my body and I'm proud of it, it is what it is. and I just, I think that that would be fun. Mm-hmm. Okay, now I need to hear your thoughts because I know that you guys shower together,

but like, you're like I'm ready to take my shower for the day. Do you want to get in with me? We really mix it up. We do shower together plenty. We also shower, he showers every morning before work. And not every night. I mean, you know how I feel about it, but it's just whatever. That's he's going to live, how he's going to live.

That's what a lot of people do. I want to talk about that also. Okay, we've talked about this before, though. We talked about this years ago, just like you have like the day. in your butthole and you get into bed, but whatever. I think it's crazy to not shower a night, but I don't a lot of the times. Like when you, when I really, I never thought about it until we talked about it. It's also one of those things where it's like, nothing bad has happened yet.

You know, like, let me live. Like, I understand some people would never wake up and not jump right into the shower. And that's fine. And some people would never go to bed without being showered. I mean, I don't feel that rigid in my life about anything. I shower after I work out or whenever. I don't wake up and get right into the shower. I do shower at 10 o'clock at night sometimes.

Like I, but it's, you know, if I work out, that's when I shower. And if it's mid morning or afternoon or evening, that's my shower for the day. Also, it was different when like you and I, like, when I lived in New York City and I would go from like Brooklyn to Manhattan, I'd take the subway and I was just like out in midtown all day. Totally. Some days I wake up and the only time I leave the house is to like take a walk. Yeah.

I'm not rolling around in dirt. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, how do I feel? You know, if I did wake up and take a shower and then at night, I felt like, like I had the whole day in my butthole and I don't want to get into bed. I would shower again. It's just whatever. Like, I don't know.

I just kind of like to live life with a little flexibility. But we do shower together sometimes. When we first started dating, we were always in the shower together. We were long distance. We were at my place or his place or in a hotel. And we would hook up in the shower, you know, do different stuff in the shower. I'm not crazy about shower sex, but we would do it here and there. And now it's just sometimes.

Like I would be sad if he never wanted to shower together. but I would lose my mind if you wanted to shower every time together. Like I need my alone time. I need my alone everything shower twice a week. Like are people, this is religious, are people shaving in the shower with their partner? You're going to watch me like open my labia lips and like shave it. I would never shave my pussy in the shower. I think once in a blue moon I've shaved my legs in the shower with him.

but no, that's my solo showers. Yeah. But yeah, he and I, I don't know. We have, like, a fun, flirty relationship. Like, a lot of times if we get home from a trip, you want a shower, you've been traveling all day. We're traveling east to west coast. We want to jump right in the shower before we take,

and we take off our airport clothes, and we'll get in there together, and we'll joke around. But, like, sometimes we're both fighting for the water, and we like a little bit of a different temp. I like the idea of a shower with your partner. I think, like, even if it's not for sex purposes, that's just, like, it's silly. Yeah.

You're just wet, you're naked, it's fun. So I asked, you know, I ask, which we usually don't talk about this stuff, but I just had to know. I asked my brother. No. Raina, because they're so big. Oh, because they're both so tall. Yeah. Wow.

You know, my brother's 6.7, Stephanie, 6.2. Their shower's fine, but it's not a huge, like yours. And he was like, yeah. But, you know, we're not doing it just a shower together. I'm like, okay, that's enough, Matt. Glad to hear you guys are still getting it in. Our brothers do this sometimes. They take it too far.

Arlin will just, he'll just tell me stuff. Yeah. And I'm just like, whoa, I mean, I'm good for you guys. They've been together for 15 years. It's insane. Two kids. I'm glad you guys are getting it in the shower. Okay, one more question about showering.

I saw this also on TikTok. Do you face the wall or the water? Yeah, I have a very fancy shower. Okay. You mean do I face like the bat? Well, either way, there's a wall. Are you, are you, is your face toward the shower head? Let's just talk about a regular shower.

Maybe it's a square size. And is the water coming down in your, you're back and you're facing the wall or are you facing the shower? Waterboarding yourself. Is that even a question? Do people do that? This is insane. I didn't even know you could do that.

So the comments were like, I thought that was just in the movies. Like people were like, I thought that you only faced the shower water in the movies. Yeah. So I like that shot in the movies where people's hair go from dry to wet and I like watching it happen. I face the water sometimes. Why? I like let it run over my body. I don't know.

And then I have to, if I wash my face, I have to face the water to rinse off my face. If I wash my face, I'll face the water. But okay, here you hear you. I think I spin around a lot. Okay, you know, see how my hair is like this. It's always like this. It's always brushed forward. Yeah.

So I face, it's hitting me in the back of my head so it goes behind me, but also drips off my hair down my boobs and down my front. Yeah. I mean, everyone's got their own thing. But I thought this was a funny question. Is this a question where you ask a rich person? Like, apparently you? And you're like, do you face the wall or the wall or the,

the water and they're like neither or they're like both like it reminds me of when you ask like a huge celebrity window or aisle and they're like I don't fly like that I mean you said that I was like I don't understand the question I don't fly like my my shower two sides of it are just totally glass so I just I face the glass yeah you have a fancy shower yeah I face the mirror I face the mirror I face the door the glass door the glass door it's not a wall yeah so I face the glass so I can watch myself in the mirror. Yeah, like, I don't want to, I don't know. Like, I think I move around in there. But let us know if you face the water or face the wall. But listen, if you face the water, you need to be proud. I do sometimes. It's not just for the movies. You can face the water. I think it's, it's a vibe. I think I'm also too

short to face the water. Like, I'm not in an angle where, like, the water isn't hitting me directly in the face. Okay. Yeah. Okay. This could be a height thing. I don't, I can't, I didn't even know you could do that. Honestly, like, I only turn around to wash my face. Yeah. That's crazy. And then, I mean, I don't wash my hair most days, so my hair isn't like a ponytail. And so if the water's on my back, it's kind of getting my hair a little bit more wet than it does if I'm facing the water. Waterboarding yourself. Yeah.

And I only do two hair showers a week if I can avoid it one. Yeah. And I don't wash my legs. All right. Well, thanks for indulging my shower question. I'll talk about shower stuff all day, every day. I love shower questions. Okay.

Do you, what do you shave first? What do you wash first? We have a great episode about that. I've seen a discourse regarding. white people not washing their legs. White people specifically? Yeah, it's like, I think it's one of those things. When I see it, I see like comedians or podcasters or if the shade room posted, it's just

like white people are crazy. They're not washing their legs. They're saying that their legs are getting washed, but they're not actually taking the time to wash them. Listen, I do see what they're saying because like, if you take your hand and just wipe it down your leg, I mean, all that stuff is running down your leg. But if I shave, I assume that's me washing my legs. Okay, well, we are going to get into the topic.

Let's just take a quick break and talk about our partners. All right, you guys have heard us talk about aura frames on the show before. It is my favorite gifts, especially for a family member that you don't live near or really anybody in your life. These are these digital frames. So what you're going to do is you upload photos or videos to it and you can preload photos also. The frames themselves are really beautiful. They have several different colors, but they look really nice.

And you can upload photos from anywhere. There's an app. My whole family is on me. So my brother lives in London, my parents live in Pittsburgh. I live here, obviously. And so these frames have been, like, such a game changer in terms of just, like, staying connected and sharing photos. And if you're, like, a last minute shopper like me and you, like, have this feeling

that, like, you know, the shelves are a little empty. And you, I love to give people photos. Yeah. For the holidays. These are so fun. They're in my parents' house. They're in my brother's house. We're going to give one of these to my in-laws.

Shishon's parents. We're going to load a bunch of photos from the wedding on it. Yeah. So it's such a perfect gift. and there's different sizes too. Like, actually Matt, I think they have a smaller one downstairs and there was a big one in their bedroom

and you put videos on it. Like, it's so fun to just sit and watch it. I know, and they look really chic and high. Like, I would keep it in my house. Also, like, you can really personalize it and, like, preload everything. So once they just open it, it's there. And then we all share the app

and my family. So we're all, like, loading stuff onto it. You can leave comments in the app, which I thought was really, like, my dad just, like, leaving little comments all the time. It's very cute. And the box it comes in is really, like,

beautiful. So it's like, there's a gift box, The packaging looks really premium and high end. And so this is a perfect gift for anybody in your life. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visitingoraframes.com and get $35 off. Orav's best-selling carburemat frame named number one by wirecutter by using promo code GGE at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-OraFrames.com promo code GGE. This deals exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast.

So order yours now and get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Okay. And I feel like money is a hot topic, especially around this time of year, with people spending on gifts and maybe trying to save and set goals for the new year. Rocket Money can help you set limits, track every purchase so no one gets left out of your budget and you stay within your budget. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. So we've talked a lot about finding and canceling those unwanted subscriptions, that you're just literally lighting money on fire.

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The thing that I am in all day long is the Skim's soft lounge sleep set. I have it in three colors. I love Skim's pajamas just in general so much. And I love their whole line. There's so many colors and patterns. And they've really nailed it in terms of the fabric. It's so soft. The soft lounge sleep set I have in three colors.

I have black, red, and green. I really started wearing pajamas to sleep. because of this because they're just so comfy and soft and they just look so nice. It's nice to wake up. You're on my house. I just feel like so chic and they're so, I don't know, they're just comfortable. They're such a good gift. They're the best gift.

I size up a little. You do. Yeah. I always feel like I want, I cannot handle a pajama or lounge pant that is tight on my waist in any way. Okay. So I, I do. I recommend.

But you don't have to, but I do. It depends on how you want to wear it. You do you. I think I wear this smaller and extra small. I'm not sure, but I'm also really short. But there's tons of gifts. for everybody in your life, kids, men, women. You can shop our favorite pajamas at skims.com.

After you placed your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show and the drop-down many of the follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gift for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com. Okay, so today we are talking about spending the holidays with partners and family. Or not. Or not. or not.

Or not. And I saw a lot of content on my TikTok scrolling over Thanksgiving about this. And I saw a video of this girl crying because she was spending her first Thanksgiving with her partner's family and she missed her family. And I saw another one where there was this couple and they were so cute. And they were like, they did their little hug and kiss moment. And they were like, we're splitting up for Thanksgiving because neither of us wants to miss our families.

And that's what works for us. And the comments just always blow my mind. You know, like, I feel like I want to like start this topic with like a mild rant because I just can't get over the type of person who was like offended by the way. Someone lives their life that has no impact on them. They think the way they live their life is the right way and the other way is the wrong way. And they comment about it publicly. I know.

Like this phenomenon is so wild to me because there is a difference between. right and wrong. You know, just a few things off the top, racism, abuse, violence, these things are wrong. I can tell you're wrong. I'm writing you're wrong. You're on the wrong side of history. You're wrong. But like when we're talking about things like families and relationships and things that aren't causing any harm, it's just like choices people are making in their own life. And strangers on the internet are like, you are wrong. I find it mind-blowing. And I know people are projecting. People are projecting their life experience, their regrets. And sometimes it comes from a good place. It's not always meant to insult you, especially older people. It's well-intentioned,

but the judgment, I think this is the biggest thing I wanted to lead with is just like there's so much judgment around this. And I think that the topic at first glance, it doesn't seem controversial, but I think it really triggers people. We're talking about family. We're talking about relationships, which can be messy. And so I just wanted to, you know, open with that. I mean, I think however anybody chooses to spend time with her family or not comes from years, if not decades of experience with somebody and how you want to spend your time and your money and what you value and different generations feel different ways about it.

And whether you're single or whether you're coupled, whether you have children, like there's so much judgment about how everybody chooses to spend time with family around the holidays or spend time with family at all. You're so right. People comment publicly about it. Like, thank you for saying this. I could never. And people should. It's like, well, good for you.

And you'll regret it. And how dare you not prioritize on one hand your partner or on the other hand, your family? And it never ceases to blow my mind because, I mean, I don't know. We're in 2025. You can not have a partner and be completely happy and fulfilled. You can live separately from your spouse. You can be long distance married. You can spend every holiday with them or not.

And it's just crazy that strangers come in it because they feel offended. And it's like the thing I have been like screaming from the mountaintops forever is just like people's choices are not an attack on the way you live your life. Yes. And advice giving is so interesting to me because advice should be nuanced and it should be one size fits one. Everybody has different goals and life experiences and things that they want. And they live by that set of values.

And these like people that give advice that are like, you should do this. I'm like, but based on what? Based on your life experience? Sure. Racism, abuse. You know, mistreating people. Yeah, that's all bad. But like, we'll talk about it a little bit later, but there's been a lot of talk online about specifically Mal Robbins and Oprah having these posts and conversations about how you should not be estranged from family. And you should go out of your way to make sure that that never happens and how important it is and family over everything and getting along with family over everything. And there's been a lot of both agreeing and disagree with them online.

And so many people jumping in the comments being like, absolutely, you can never be estranged from family and other people being like, my family abused me. Have you met my family? Yeah. I'm traumatized by these people. This advice sucks. Yeah. And it's not nuanced.

And I do think it's very generational. I think that people, like a generation or two older than us would say, like, always be with family. Always be with your partner. this over everything, but that's just not the way of the world today. But there's also a way to give advice in a, this is my experience and what I have found, because I think that we give advice. I think that we talk to a younger listener.

I think people look up to us. I wish, you know, I had podcasts like ours when I was growing up and I was in my 20s even. And so it's not that. It's just like people's, it's the judgment and the projection. and the tone, I guess, because I think it's fine to be like, I was in your shoes once and here was my experience. Who doesn't want that type of feedback? But I guess what the thing for me is like this, I'm right and you're wrong because of a way you're choosing to live your life. And it just is baffling. I just, the last person I'm going to take advice from is somebody I feel is attacking me.

Right. You're not, I think that too. It's so crazy. Like some of the people that will DM us. I'm just like, do you know you're being so counterproductive? Like, whatever your cause or whatever you're trying to get me on your side about, you are pushing me completely away from it if this is the type of person that's on that side. If you're smarter than me, congrats. I hope you have a great life. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, and that's the thing.

Like this, it's what you were saying. I love that because it's like really relevant right now with the Mel Robbins thing. And we've had her on the podcast. It was our top performing episode of the year on Spotify. We just found that out. And she has helped a lot of people. It's just, I think that there needs to be some space for the nuance and space for we are all different. And we have a completely different human experience.

So Mel Robbins wrote an op-in. It's called Life is Too Short to Fight with Your Family. And to your point, yes, we've had her on the show. I think she has great advice. And if her advice helps you, that's fine. Totally. I don't have to also agree with every single thing that somebody says. Yeah.

But the gist of it was basically that. that you should find a way to accept your family for who they are and get over it essentially and let their decisions

be what they were and let them be who they are and the life is too short by the people in your life and that's not really my life experience. To that I would say life is too short

to be made miserable by people that terrorize you that make you feel emotionally unsafe that make you feel attacked all the time. I think life is really long

and we should spend it with people that make us feel good and happy and I accepted and, you know. And I don't, you know, I think that people that have decided to not be around their family, that decision was probably the hardest decision they've ever made in their life and they didn't

come to it easily. And it took them years, if not decades, to come to that. And how horrible to attack somebody on top of that for making a decision that was probably the hardest decision that they've ever made. Yeah. Just to have some peace in their life. And I don't think those decisions are easy to come by and it's, it's embarrassing and it's against societal norms sometimes.

But I'm glad that we're talking about this. more because it's becoming more the norm to say, like, I don't need to spend my money and my time and my energy on people that make me feel unsafe, even if that is my parent. Yeah, and the sentiment broadly is positive. It's like, it's your family, you know, like, you should try everything. I am fine with that, by the way, and I think, again, I think of me in my late teens, early 20s, mid-20s even, just, you know, the immaturity and the rash decision-making sometimes and just being more reactive, jumping to conclusions, all the things. You know, and sometimes you need a voice of someone who is older, more life experience, a professional to be like, hey, maybe have you considered this?

And I think that's fine. We all can use, like, the help to walk us through our lives. But yeah, just these broad statements is just like, it's not taking into account, like, but what about this? Or what about this? And the friends that I have that are estranged or just not seeing their families for holidays because of various reasons and sometimes political and values and just the judgment and the way that they interact with their family members. I mean, I could cry. They have tried so hard. Like they have been doing this for years. They have gone home for holidays and been traumatized. You're so right. And that it's like, no one, yes, I'm sure some people make these rash, snap decisions, but it's so difficult to come to these conclusions. This kills people inside,

you know? So like I didn't know if I was going to talk about this day, but I am a strange from a family member, so I'm assuming you're talking about me. You're estranged. My other friends are not as strange, but they are not doing holidays. That's why I'm saying like the spectrum. So when I, yeah, I was leading with you and I'm thinking about other friends that are just like, I talked to my mom, but I'm not seeing her on Christmas. You know what I'm saying? And, you know, I didn't come to that decision lightly. I, every time somebody would say, like, well, have you tried this? Yeah, I tried that. I tried that for 30 years. I tried it. I tried it every day for 30 years. And life is long in the sense that like you can make a

decision now that feels emotionally safe for you and you can have conversations and change your mind. You know, I think unless somebody really abused you in a horrible way, which was not my life experience, you know, life is long and you can come back together. But like, people come to these decisions after so much pain and agony and trying literally everything in their power, every type of emotional negotiation that they can do. And I think that like if you do come to the decision finally that like my inner peace means more to me than this, I've tried everything. thing in the world and we just can't get there, then like, that's the hardest decision you'll ever make and it's brave and you're allowed to feel like you're proud of it.

Yeah, and that's where there is this lack of empathy and compassion and understanding with some people on the internet. There's also like a lot of beautiful, like, inspiring content and support on the internet. My experience has been that people have really supported me and been wonderful to me. But it's just for someone to, I don't know, post a TikTok and if they want to, I mean, you know, it's personal. It's not for everybody to say something about being estranged from a parent. And it's taken years and it's been so much pain and agony and this is the decision they're making. And for people in the comments to come in with no background or information and make judgments is so crazy to me.

And listen, if your life experience leads you to think that that's the craziest thing in the world, then that's okay. That's how you should live your life. but people to judge a stranger, like you have no idea how hard they tried to get through to somebody and find peace or find some resolution or just be able to like get along. Because also when you are estranged from a family member, it explodes throughout your entire family. It affects the other parent. It affects your siblings. It affects their spouses and grandkids and whoever else.

Like no one comes to this decision like super lightly. And what I am really excited about and proud about is that like you see so much of this being discussed today. and I think it is generational that we didn't think that that was okay. And they're saying more and more people are estranged from a family member of something. Yeah, I saw that too. Random polls, like Gallup polls that said like 28% of people are estranged from an immediate family member and reasons to think like this has probably been more common than we think. It's just become less taboo to talk about it.

Yeah. And again, I come back to like people on the internet. Like internet content matters. It helps people feel seen and I'm not alone. And it resonates with them when we talk about some of these tougher topics. And so that's why, like, it's not nothing. And so it's like, that's why I just wish people could put something out there that may be helpful to someone else. And the people that don't live their life that way wouldn't jump down their throat. And I, you know, I saw this. This is kind of irrelevant,

but, you know, I just, I want to, like, send some love to the internet. I saw this woman. And she was posting, she was, like, eating Thanksgiving dinner. And she said, I live far away from my family and I don't have any friends, but Thanksgiving is my favorite meal. And so every year I cook it, and she had this amazing plate of food. And she's just sitting there eating. And the comments, I were just, I live in Orlando, come over. Next year we got you. Just the whole comment section.

Thousands. Pictures, you believe pictures on TikTok. Just like, please join us next year. I'm the same boat. Like, you know what I mean? Like, let's be friends. Let's be each other's family. Like, there is so much good out there.

There is. And there's so much more community in this life experience than there used to be. I mean, I think so many people are just more willing to say, I chose to be a strange family member and I chose to protect my peace from these people and like that's okay. There's no shame in it. And I like that we're normalizing like you don't have to be terrorized by anybody. I don't care who it is. If you feel like these boundaries have been crossed, I don't care who it is. Your sibling, you're parent. You don't have to be in those environments. And we're finally saying like that's okay and people are talking about it. And I'm glad

that that is becoming more normal because I think in the older generations it has always been like who's too short, it's your fucking family. Get over it. But like people would have chosen to be estranged from a family member, not go home for the holidays. Like, their past, just get over it.

Yeah. And of course, there's a situation of someone who overreacted and now they've dug their heels in and then they are stubborn and they shook it over it. That's not you. That's not any of my friends.

Everybody I've known that is any level of estranged with their family has tried and tried and tried and has been very painful. But I know there's people out there that probably could tell us their story. And I'd be like, you've got to get over that.

I know. Fuck, that's why you're still not talking to your mom. Come on. So there's that. And, you know, this is not actually the road we thought we were going to go out today, but we did do it. And I do think it's a good place to start and say that as we get into this conversation about spending holidays with your partner, their family, your family. I am coming at it from a place that I really want to be with my family.

My family is the most important thing to me. I obviously did not get married until 42. I understand my husband is my family now. Like, I get it. But I'm coming at it. And my parents are aging and I have nephews and holidays with my family are really important to me. And I have never in my 41 Christmases not woken up at my parents' house and spent Christmas morning with them. I've done some Thanksgiving other places, but like that means the world to me.

And it means the world to me because not to get too dark, but how many more do we have left? And these things matter. And I have never been someone that my partner was going to be my whole life. He is my priority and we prioritize each other. We are a husband and wife, but family is also my priority. And that is where I'm coming from. And I understand some people don't have that. And they would rather be with someone else's family or whatever they got going on.

And so that's where I come back to like when I speak about my opinions and the way that I live my life, I'm coming at it from that life experience. I think it's good to say that. Like I have a different lens in other people. It would be inconceivable to you to not go home to be with your family. But like, it would be inconceivable to me to not spend Christmas with your family. I think I, this is going to be my ninth Christmas of your family. And I have thought about this for so long, like if I had a partner that insisted that I go be with their family, explaining to them that I needed to be with your family instead.

But yeah, I mean, I think anybody is allowed to come at this from their own like lens and life experience. And like, yeah, I'm a little more loose to that because I live across the country, but my brother lives in London. It's understandable if I don't want to go there. And Pittsburgh, I went to Pittsburgh to see my dad after I went to London. Like, I'm fine to be flexible and go to other people's families. I've done this and that. I'm also Jewish, so Christmas doesn't mean anything to me. Like, I am lucky that, like, I can demand Thanksgiving with my family and I can give somebody Christmas.

Yeah. I don't really have to negotiate like that. Yeah. And I mean, I really do think flexibility is important. And I think clearly I think just in general, overall, young people are more flexible than older people, parents, older parents, grandparents, And so I like to be flexible. We've moved things around and what we've traditionally done with Matt and the kids.

And we're open, but we're together. And I want to also see Shajonk's family. You know, what we have done this year was I went there the day after Thanksgiving. We had a Thanksgiving dinner on Friday. And so I went to Boston for, you know, Thanksgiving and spent time with his family. And he's going to come to Delaware for Christmas before Christmas. and he'll be with us, like, for days, you know, leading up to it and doing holiday stuff with us. And he may or may not be there on the 24th. We haven't really, like, totally decided yet.

So that's kind of how we've done it. Like, year one, I mean, because we'll get into it and we'll get into the polls that we did in the way that people feel. I mean, 23, I knew I was going to marry him by Christmas time. He was my person and I knew that. But we've been together for six, seven months. We did our own thing. I think we were at the beach, the weekend before Christmas. I don't think we did anything. for Thanksgiving. Like I was like, we don't need to do this yet. But also you also come from it from a point of view of like,

you like his family. Yeah. Validated by them. You enjoy them. You're not, you're politically aligned with them. Like all these reasons that a lot of people don't want to go to their partners family either.

Like the mom is fucking rude to me. Yeah. We don't align religious-wise. Yeah. Politically. I don't want to sit with these mag of people and just be attacked. Like,

I think this like, you know, obviously politics comes up a lot. And it's not that like you can't sit at dinner with somebody that has different political beliefs than you. But like people that question your values for the entire weekend. I don't know that I don't. You and I,

we live across the country from our families. It's a lot of travel. It's a lot of money. I mean, so many people were like, I can't afford to do all this and be made miserable. Yeah. I love that you said that.

So, I mean, the like spoiler alert of the episode is you don't need to be with your partner every major holiday if that doesn't work for you to. And it says it means nothing about your relationship. I am talking about people without kids. I think kids get in the mix. And kids kind of dominate everything.

You got to do shit for the kids. You got to be together for the kids. My sister-in-law knows she holds all the cards. Exactly. Christmas. Like, so I think we're just leaving kids out of this because we can't speak on it. And so this is more couples without kids.

But you can split up. It's not like a red flag for the relationship. If you want to be with his, you want to do some together, do not together. You know, what if one person's family has a big summer vacation? You do that. You spend, there's other times to see them. But if you really are set on, I want to be with my partner every holiday, every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, and we will figure out the family, that's okay too. But either way is fine. It doesn't say anything about the

strength of the relationship. And I don't think you should be crying or sad missing your family so you can be with your partner's family. It doesn't sit right with me. I agree. I think as we, listen, time off is hard to come by and money is hard to come by. And like, I don't know. I know that we should do things for other people and make concessions for the people that we love. And if somebody says, like, this is the most important thing in the world to me, then fine, you should make concession. Yeah, of course.

If I only have a week or two off a year and I've limited funds to spend it a way that I don't want to spend it, it feels like so awful to me. This has now cost me money. Yeah. This is my hard earned time. I'm going to be made miserable. why to do you a favor i don't listen that's what love is and companionship but like i don't know i think holidays are supposed to be spent happy as much as possible yeah yeah and we'll get into it and there's plenty of couples that have opted out a family altogether a lot and that's okay too

you know like i just i am not in the majority we will reveal the poll results but it can be a little bit of an unpopular opinion to not have your long-term romantic partner or spouse be above everyone and they're on this pedestal and their priority level is so much higher than the family you've been with your whole life or your best friends. And again, I can't stress enough. If that's how you live your life, that's okay, you know? But to me, it's by family, it's so many people are so important. And so if we can work it out so everyone's happy. And like I said, I really don't want to be without my family on a Christmas morning. ever. And if Shishonk has that type of tradition with his family and he's like, I never don't want to

be with my family on a Christmas Eve, I would 100% respect that. And if we can work it out when we can, then for us to both be at both, we will. But that's just how I want to live and be let live. That's what works for you guys. Yeah. That's the compromise that works for you. Also like live together. You're together every day. So it's like okay to spend those times apart. That's the thing too. like we're together all the time and we live across the country from our family now like I don't know like it just depends on how much weight you place on these things like Christmas for my mom and my family is so important so if he and I don't feel like it's like it's it's like more important to them I guess that's my whole thing you know I think that everybody's got their thing I think that it's like well we always go to this place

every summer as a family and this is the biggest thing our family does and we would really like you to be there It's like you should try to make it work then. You should. With your partner. I feel really lucky that like our family is. So my sister-in-law is family is from Pittsburgh also. And so. Yeah.

But her family is super far from my mom and dad and my cousin Casey, whose house we go to for Thanksgiving a lot, lives far from them. And so everybody's pretty understanding. But like Arlon and I will be in the car for Thanksgiving sometimes for three hours a night to spend an hour and a half at each place. Yeah. And we never settle.

Yeah. And like people are pretty understanding. whatever we want to do. And we've, I mean, now that he has a kid, it's different. But, like,

we just bop around, trying to make everybody happy. My sister-in-law will just be at her parents' house, just chilling. Like, my family's just understanding that, like, they'll get a little bit of us some of the time.

But, like, not everybody's like that. And some people's family would be really insulted if their child's significant other didn't come home for the holidays. Yeah. And, again,

if you are like, we have, like, a four Christmases type situation, and Thanksgiving Day or Christmas day is hell, but that's what makes our families happy and we suck it up. That's also okay. Like sometimes we do things that aren't perfect or that we don't really want to for the sake of others. That's okay too. We'll talk about this on a future episode of like the whole like,

how we've gone too far with like protecting our peace and our boundaries. You know, sometimes you have to, I was just talking to my brother, like how we're going to work out this year with the boys and all this stuff. And nothing's easy with two little boys. They still nap and they go to bed early. Nothing is the way it used to be before they came along. Obviously, life is better with them in it. But it's like we're trying to figure out, like, some things are a little more stressful for him. It's a lot more stressful for him and stuff. And like, that's just the nature of it.

And everyone needs to pitch in. And sometimes things are not like perfect and smooth, but they're worth it. And that's for you to decide. Yeah, I like that you said that. And yeah, I think about those nights at Arla and I've been in the car going to make cousin Casey's. It's annoying. And my mom's and Adriana's family. And it's like, we're just in the car.

We can't drink. Like we're just in the car, these long drive. We do like a four Christmases thing. But like that's what we want to do in order to like have a little bit of time with everybody. It's really important for us. We're not home that often. So like that's what we do. Is it the most fun night of my life?

No. Yeah. But I get to be with everybody and that's nice. Yeah, exactly. And so I think if you're also navigating a situation like that with your partner, it should always be you and your partner against the problem. The problem being like we got to do all this shit and it's stressful. Like your family's not a problem.

Well, they might be. But instead of you guys. against each other and just like I think that's the main thing and I think that comes up when we talk about difficult family members too and it's just like it's I you know I'm not a big us against the world couple you know but if you are dealing with issues with family members or logistics like make sure you do feel like you and your partner on a team about it at least man that is so rough to like feel like your partner doesn't like back you up exactly most of my friends like that are a great solid like couple are like they're aligned they're a team yes they're aligned the other person's crazy

not them. Yeah, and you can make it a joke. I mean, I was just with a friend and her mother-in-law is staying with her and her husband for a while, and she's old school. She's super passive-aggressive, she's superstitious. It's just a lot of comments. And like, it's constant. And I was like, I would have to turn this into a game. I would have to be like, I know what she's going to say next. And I want to be right about it. And I'm like, are you in your husband aligned? He's like, yes. He knows she's crazy too. And I'm like, that's all you need. I can deal with a lot if from my partner's family, if he is an agreement with me and I luckily don't have any of that. But I think I could. I think I could let things from a crazy mother-in-law

or sister-in-law roll off my back if he had my back and we could make fun of it together. And they could become almost like a character in that way. Yes. We have friends that are married and she kind of gets into it with his sister. Yeah. But like she knows that he's aligned with her and the mom is aligned with her. So she's like, I could deal with this for a couple days. Yeah. Because everyone's on my side about this. It does almost become funny. Yes. Try to make it funny. You're just like, this person really is just going to like poke at me. Yeah. I mean, if you could just try to make it funny, make it a bit. Once you both realize together that the other person is terrible, it is kind of funny. Once you realize their mom is terrible. Okay. Let's just

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Like, you could do this for your in-laws because they'd be like, oh, my God. She's so thoughtful. She's so thoughtful. She wants to know more about us. Great idea. Yeah, okay. You say memoir is funny. You say memoirs.

Memoir. What do you do? Memoir. I feel weird. I feel like I'm taking myself too seriously. If I say memoir. You don't have to do it between Between memoir and memoir

Memoir How do you say February? Memoir. February? How do you say it? I try to say it quick Because it's spelled February. No, you don't pronounce that to the R.

But I almost have a U in there, February. February. Yeah, I see you. Okay. February. February. February. February.

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If you're in the market for a beautiful new sofa, dining table, or bed, head over to article. com. Okay. So we did a couple polls on our Instagram. 20,000 people responded. Do you know what funny it is to me. I see so many like stats and studies and surveys. And I'm always like based on how many people. Like this is a big claim to make X amount of people do this thing. And it's always a thousand people. Yeah, which a lot of those are considered legitimate. I don't know. I don't know what it could, how many people it needs to be to be considered. Well, or just 20,000. Yeah, 20,000. Okay. So we asked, when in a relationship, do you think your partner should spend holidays with your family and vice versa? 44% said once we're in a committed relationship under a year. So you know what we didn't isolate

for, but like, do you live in the same city as your partner? Yeah. That's different to May. Yeah, it is. It's like, let's say we've been together six months. That's how I thought about it, because that was also my experience. So six months, seven months, we'd been together since May. We were very committed very much in love, very much saw a future together. And I didn't feel like that was the year for us to be making changes. But again, I'm in the minority on this. And you're so right. You live in different cities. Yeah. We weren't that. I mean, our families are still like close enough, you know, with Boston and Delaware. But 44% said once we're in a committed relationship, after one year, 22%, two plus years,

18%. And then my people, 16% not until we're married. And, Maybe not even then. Maybe even less than that once we have kids, you know? Like, I think once you have kids, you do call the shots. Yeah, yeah, you do. If you were the first people in a family to have kids, congratulations. Bob the bank. Okay.

And then we ask, do you think long-term couples, married couples? To me, this is like, you've been together years. Everyone knows you're together, like traditionally you'd be married, but maybe you're decided to get married, whatever reason, whatever you got going on. But years long, married or married couples should spend all the major holidays together. Do you think long-term couples, married couples should spend all the major holidays together? 70% said yes, that should be your top priority. 30% said, no, you can be a part with your own family sometimes.

And, you know, I'm coming at this from a, my family is so important to me. And, you know, we've talked about his family coming to the farm or being all together at some point too, which we would host like whatever it is. But I think a lot of this is people not wanting to be with their in-laws. and you linked this study that said one and four people dread going to their in-laws for the holidays. Like that's the thing I feel for the most. Like you feeling like you need to be with your partner's family and you don't like them. Yeah, it's a nightmare.

I know. I know. I can't stop thinking about like how little time people have off and how little money people have. And I'm now going to spend both of those things with people that aren't nice to me. Don't make me feel comfortable. Don't include me. They're going to make me do a turkey trot I don't want to do. Play pranks on you.

And I guess it depends, like, who, so my longest relationship was almost four years. We were with his family all the time and my family lived out of town. So, like, I don't think it ever came up. We lived together almost the entire four years. We were together. And it never came up one time that I was going to spend holidays with this family. Like, I saw his family all the time. They lived near us.

Of course, I was leaving town to go be with my family. And I wasn't going to make him leave town. Yeah, there are so many different situations. I feel for people who they're across the country from their families or their families are across the country, like there's no way they can do both. Like, we are lucky enough to try to do both with a one-hour flight. You know, he's still got to get to the airport, but like we can make it work where we couldn't if one family was in the West Coast and one was on the East Coast.

So I'd feel for people in any of that situation too. So we asked then long-term or married couples, how do you coordinate the holidays with your family? We have hundreds of answers. Yeah. It all sort of boiled down to pretty much the same stuff. we alternate who gets Thanksgiving and who gets Christmas. We alternate both of those things every other year.

So like we oscillate. Like this family gets us Thanksgiving this year and they get us Christmas next year. I mean, that was pretty much everybody except for if you have children, people come to you. Some people do the four Christmases thing. Some people just do not. We're not coming to anybody. We're not seeing our family. We do our own thing without our families and we do our own thing with our own families.

Just completely split up and that's okay. I like this one, Raina. First come, first serve. whoever makes the plan first gets us. That's diabolical. That feels like the parents are going to be fighting. They're like, it's July. They're like, hey, we just want to check it.

Right, like, what is the statute of limitations on being able to ask me? Like, is it this Christmas? Is it January 1st? Can you ask me for next Christmas at this Christmas? That's this Christmas. Like, is it just like backseat rules? Like whoever calls shotgun first? You know what I did not see at all?

I made a note of this. What I didn't see at all as combining families. Yeah. I almost saw no percentage. So, like, that's the home I grew up in. Like, my parents split up when I was, like, four. But, like, my mom always made sure to have her family and my dad's entire family over. Uncles, aunts, kids, and everybody.

But everybody lived in Pittsburgh. Yeah. I was trying to remember. There were definitely Christmases and probably Thanksgiving. I don't know. I can't really remember when I was a kid. But where both sets of grandparents were there. Because my mom's mom, and then she remarried, I never knew my mom's dad would come from Pittsburgh area.

And then my dad's parents lived close by. So I definitely remember they were all there. Everybody would come to us because the kids. Uh-huh. And also somebody has to be willing to host all of that. Yeah. Like my mom made it her job, honestly, my entire life to make sure everybody was included. Even my dad's family and make sure people were there.

But I almost did not see this at all. that people were like, we just get our whole family together. Yeah. I know. I mean, that's what we're talking about for next year because we have the space on the farm and we'll figure out where you're going to be. You might be in the bonus room if we do it, I'm sure, which is nice. And so we've talked about having, like, Shishong's whole family.

Like, we have that space and it'd be so fun. And now that we know how well our parents get along and such a funny thing that we would do that. That's not us hosting. That's not them coming to our house. That's his parents coming to my. parents' house. I just think it would be lovely. I think it'd be so much fun. I hope his sister comes. I mean, I just like everybody. Yeah. I think that'd be a lot of fun. You don't see this a lot. Yeah.

I think that's asking a lot of people to be mobile, but you don't see it a lot. But I like that they can stay not at a hotel is why I like the idea. Like, it's not come to Delaware and stay at the holiday in, you know, so. I really want to do it. Then we asked for anyone single or coupled, if you're not spending the holidays with your family. Why? And what are you doing in? Instead. We saw so many people just say like either I can't swing it. I can't. I don't have the time. So many of our audience and we just love you guys so much are flight attendants. People in the hospitality industry. Services, nurses. Tons of people in the medical industry that just they work. So they can't do it. So many of them are just like working and making money. So many people just said I'm making my own traditions. I'm choosing my own piece essentially. A lot of trips. A lot of people just like take trips go somewhere warm. We saw jazz bars Vegas. Papa. Popa. Pop. holiday bars, like so many things instead of that, being with our chosen family, their friends. So many people just like do stuff with friends. I, again, like, we were talking about it earlier.

I love that, like, this is more normalized and people are saying to their friends, like, can you adopt me for these holidays? The holidays are such a beautiful time to adopt somebody who, like, doesn't have somebody to go home to. And I've been going to Friends houses for Christmas since I was, like, 12. Yeah. And people have always included me and invited me. It's always been so nice.

But I like this actually, I'm, what am I doing for that? holiday. I'm actually enjoying the holiday, being at home with my husband and my friends. Yes, and there's that too. And that's why I just like, I always come back to whatever works for you and how you feel about your family. I know a couple and they are not crazy about both of their families and they have made their own Christmas tradition. And they still see their families throughout the year. They're not estranged. But they have chosen to prioritize that holiday just the two of them and they've traveled and they really enjoy that. And then it's like, I don't know, then we'll maybe go see her family in the spring or something like that.

It's just like totally fine. I think that's probably a lot of people's experience. I don't think you have to be like estranged from a family. I think, you know, that's a big leap from just like we just don't really need to go there. And we posted this one of my girlfriends who was in Portland texted me and she was like, my husband and I like, we speak to our family. It's just not a ton and I want to enjoy my time and I want to just like be at home with him. And we tell them if they want to come here, they can for like a day or two.

But like that's all we're offering. And I think that's totally fine. Yeah. I mean, this article you linked me, there's just so many different stats here. 39% of Americans feel relationships complicate holidays. It does. And 10% have cried about having to spend the holidays with their in-laws. I'm sure it's like more than that.

One in three, say holiday plans cause tensions with their families. There's all these types of things. And it's really just up to you. And I think it's important to consider other people's feelings. I think it's important to consider your aging parents if you have relations. if you have relationships with them and nephews and nieces and all of that. But if it's too much, that's okay too. Yeah, listen, I don't want to run myself rag and find 12 hours of London to see my brother

and the baby. And then I'd fly back through Pittsburgh. I could have gone to Paris instead. Like, I'm glad I did all those things. It was an inconvenience. It cost a ton of money, but I'm glad I did it. Yeah. I got to see my nephew and spent time with him.

And I got to be with my dad. And, yeah, it's my parent. My dad's almost 80. Like, I don't know how many more years I have left with him. I don't regret the aggravation. Yeah, there's, it's annoying. Like, Shishonk and I have just, there's been these conversations where they're just annoying,

like figuring out when he can get off work and come and how we meet up at the, wherever and come to, it's just cars and flights and what night is this and that. It is annoying. But it's like, so is being an adult. It's just one of those things where it's like, yeah, but we, we're not going to regret it. We always want to be with our families and this means a lot. And it's just,

sometimes it's like you got to do it. We're going to talk about this with like friendships in a few weeks. We're going to do an episode on this. And it's like there is certainly a breaking point. Everyone has a breaking point. But sometimes you just do shit. That's not perfect and you don't really want to do and it's annoying. Like it meant my dad.

It meant so much. Yeah. And I said to you, I was like, I want to go to Paris this weekend. And you're like, I think your dad will really like if you come. And like he just was so touched. I only went for like two days. But like just to be with him. And I missed Thanksgiving.

and we just, we made dinner ourselves. I got to be with Uncle John and Aunt Sherry and my cousin Casey. Yeah. It was a hassle. It cost me a fortune, but I'm so glad that I did it. And that's different than an article that's like, just get over and go home and be with your family. You don't have to get over anything if you don't want to go home and be with your family.

Well, that's the thing. Like you look back on it and you're like, it was annoying and inconvenient, but I had, I had made good memories. And what I would not be willing to do is be inconvenienced and annoyed to be around a bunch of magas. Right. This is at least type two fun for me.

I think about it. Yeah. And there's totally different types of families, super fun, high energy families, way more boring families. But if like our values don't align and you make me uncomfortable and I feel attacked in any way, no, I'm not going. So that's when you should protect your peace. You don't have to spend your time with people that make you feel like that.

Yeah, exactly. And that's not to say that these conversations are easy. Those conversations are uncomfortable. And then your siblings start jumping in and attacking you. Like, I read this very long. I just had been, like, looking into people being strange from their family's not going home. And I read this very long article that I can't remember

where it was from. So this isn't that helpful. But this girl sort of talked about this uncoupling from her very religious, very MAGA family. And it took many, many years. And the siblings on the group chat were shaming her. And everyone's jumping in with an opinion. And it is hard to untangle yourself from that

because it does feel like the path of least resistance to just do what everybody wants. But, like, so I'm not saying these conversations are easy. They are hard. Yeah. And again, I go back to like maybe the Thanksgiving table is not the thing you want to do with your MAGA family, but you feel better in a different type setting. You know, like if it's just like, we have had a blow up at the fucking Thanksgiving table for the past however many 10 years. Like I will see you guys in the summer for some, I don't know. You know, expectations are so high. And so it just, it leads you to like the tension.

is so high. So if maybe like the alternative is like, we'll come home in a couple months. But there isn't this expectation of this specific dinner and these specific drinks and gifts and you know. Okay. Let's do some stories from you guys. So we asked for hilarious, embarrassing and or nightmare stories from the holidays. Okay. So this first one is wedding photos. I, this is Ashley Coded. I was just at my mother-in-law's for Thanksgiving. She never has food when we go, even though we make an eight-hour drive across several states to see her for an hour or two. Diabolical, I know, but the things we do for love. Side note, he does have plenty of family and friends in the area, blah, blah, okay. So she says they drive and they do see

other people. Okay. As if that's not bad enough this year, I noticed that she had not one, not two, but six photos printed and framed of our wedding, and I am not in a single photo. The bride? How? Ashley, is there a single photo from your wedding? You're not. in. Yeah. That's crazy. There are family. Yes, there are plenty. But like you'd be, you'd have to seek them out. There might be six from the whole weekend. That's crazy to me. Do you know how hard is to find any photos she says that I'm not in and she managed to find six of them. My husband said we know she's crazy. Don't read too much into it. He's a keeper. He's gaslighting her. Don't read too much. I hate that. Oh, you don't like it. Don't read into it. Don't read too much.

I don't, but we all know she's crazy. It's not personal is what he's saying. Okay. Okay. She's saying she was hungry because the mother, the mother has had so many food there. She's blind with rage. We live far enough away that I only see her once year, blah, blah. I mean, that's hysterical. It's so intentional.

I mean, yes, I understand you get beautiful professional photos with your family and the bride doesn't have to be in all of them if you want like you and your kid or you and, they're siblings, but six. Yes, okay, the language, don't read too much into it. I know what he means. I know what he means.

She is crazy. She did do. that on purpose. Please don't let it get to you. I see what you mean. I hope he meant that because yes, that bitch did it on purpose. Yes, she did.

This wasn't an accident. Six. The wedding is about two people. It's about the bride of the groom to do six photos. One of those people. One of them, the bride should be in one. One, yeah. That's crazy.

Okay. The next one. Naked grandmother. The first Christmas after my husband and I were married, my whole side of the family, including my brother's new girlfriend, were all at my grandparents for Christmas dinner. My grandfather wanted to show everyone pictures from his and my grandmother's latest trip. They're avid travelers. He plugged his laptop into the TV and selected a folder named Egypt.

This was not where their latest trip was. To everyone's shock and horror, a slideshow of my naked grandmother started playing on the TV. Many of us screamed, and my brother may have cried. You know there's a full bush too The best part A full gray bush The best part They were recent pictures

They could have been taken The day before On the couch We were sitting on the same Christmas tree in the background 10 years later That couch? Oh my God

So these were recent From the couch They were sitting on With the Christmas tree In the background He just took these And titled it Egypt He's like

No one's gonna look at this You know you should have titled it We're naked in this Grandma Puss I loved to see it. Okay? I love that these old people are so getting it in, taking nudes of each other.

He was just like, get on the couch, I'm going to take some photos of you. He was taking her nudes. I mean, it is like high level kinky for grandparents. Like, I want to know what else they're into. But like, she didn't take nudes of herself and send them to him. He was the photographer.

I love this. That's a couple goals. This family sounds fun. Yeah, 10 years later, we still talk about their Christmas. Okay. I went to a, first fancy holiday dinner, white tablecloth, everything. In the city where my boyfriend at the time's family. So that was her boyfriend at the time. She wrote that weird.

When I went to the bathroom, I came back, and it looked like they were all gone and had ditched me. So they're at a restaurant, just so you guys understand this. White table, like fancy restaurant. Fancy white tablecloth. So she comes back. No one's at the table. But it turns out they were actually hiding under the table.

All five of them, parents included. Have you ever gotten the ick from an entire family? Well, we just talked about prank families. But this is a prank. That's okay. It's okay. It would give me the ick about everybody. And what were you guys doing under the table?

Like, you're so close. Like, five grown adults under a table. I'm like nose to nose with my brother, no. Well, my family's little, but you're family. Bobby, you could fit under a table. You're so dull. Oh, my God. That is crazy.

Yeah, I need to see that table. You're right. I need to know the diameter of that table. White tablecloth. They're under the... It's just like, again, this is like low-level prank, and it's a funny thing to, for whoever was like,

you guys see this tablecloth? You bet we could all get under here. I don't know. It's funny to me. I really don't hate it. It's like an ideal prank. It is pretty funny. She comes back to the table and no one's there.

No one's there. And they're like, I gotcha. The dad, the old dad's just on the ground. I know. But you're dad. Okay, do you think your family would do it? No. You and I don't have silly families. Yeah, it's corny. It's corny. But I'll take a corny family over like any mean passive aggressive family all day. Like this is like a dad joke family,

you know? It does feel honestly kind of wholesome and cute. I know, I don't hate it. Like you know what? I feel like Ryan's family. Yeah, like it's a corny, cute family. It's a cute family. All right. I take book the part about the heck. It is just like wholesome. Okay. The last one. Christmas with the in-laws. She writes, these are ex-in-laws and Christmas wasn't even the worst of it from my ex-mother-in-law, but I remember the first Christmas I spent with them. There were no children, just adults. The gifts were all set up around the living room by person. Everyone opened their gifts at the same time except his mom. The first, huh, moment that day was she got me size extra small pajamas. Ladies, at the time, I was nearly 200 pounds heavier than I am now. So it's not like that bitch was ballparking and came close. Oh, congrats on losing 200 pounds. Holy shit. Yeah, right.

So if she lost 200 pounds, yeah, it's like incredible, but she was at least 300 pounds. Extra small. My skims pajamas are medium. Needless to say, every Christmas after that, I gifted her a salad spinner. L. L.O.L. she had a cupboard full by the time we divorced. Okay. This is the crazy part of the email.

So when everyone was finished opening, she got out of her seat, sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor and made everyone gather around in a circle to watch her open her gifts. Naturally, I laughed thinking this was a joke. It wasn't. We formed a circle as she opened about five gifts for herself. She knew exactly what was in every single gift. She never let her husband buy her gifts. She was this boogie, everything's for show, weird woman,

and would have a breakdown if he got her something she didn't want. So anyway, these gifts that were mostly just money were wrapped in these horrible flimsy clothing gift boxes with a bunch of tissue paper. So as she danced cross-legged on the floor, she would grab each individual piece of tissue paper, daintily hold it in the air and do this dramatic toss of the tissue paper with a giggle. I kept looking at my husband, not husband yet at this point, for any indication that they were fucking with me. It took nearly an hour for her to open these gifts.

Each tissue paper tossed just as dramatic and weird as the last. Then it came time for dinner and never mind that she can't cook a meal to save her life, but they spent the entire Christmas dinner bashing the LGBTQ community. What? Yes, I definitely soften that. The words they were using are not kind. My ex's younger cousin had just come out to the family about a month prior and apparently this was the worst thing that's happened to that family. To be honest, they were my favorite person I'd met in that family, including my ex-husband. But jokes on them because their son is now out and transitioning.

Why do I have like chills on my body? I've like read this email before. Oh my God. If you ladies ever need more in law stories, I have a bag full of them. Like the time she left out her lingerie and naked photos for us to find. What is wrong with this woman? Slow clap for this girl getting away from this family. Yes.

Holy shit. So this is her ex. Okay, ex-in-laws. She was married to him. Okay, got it. Yes, and I guess they split up. And since then, he's transitioned and, you know, hopefully he's following his truth. Wait, her ex-husband's transitioning?

She said, jokes on them, their son is now out and transitioning. But her ex-husband or maybe as another son, I think she would say that. That's another layer. That's a whole other story. She only had so much time. We just want a holiday story. I think it's another son, not her ex-old. She's talking about the cousin that she liked.

No. she's talking about their son, but maybe there's another son. So like her ex-brother-in-law, I think she'd say her ex-husband. Don't you think? I don't know. I'm dying to know. This is right back. We'll update you guys next week.

So much happened. I find it so, listen, I know it's not the most egregious part of this email, but like making people form a circle around you while you open gifts. I honestly, I hated baby showers and I find it really fucking weird when people do it at like engagement parties and showers are fine if that's how you want to live your life. like do it. Christmas, you don't get the present circle. But you're not the star. Like you at a shower, there's one person. That's the star. That's when it's acceptable. What is this mom doing? And I'm so confused. It was just money wrapped in tissue paper. And she was like,

she made people wrapping box. Another gift card to Sacks. Just kidding. Not Sacks. Not Sacks does not not need to catch a stray. Niemens. This is crazy. I know. It really is. Good for you. We're all getting away from these people. Well, thank you guys so much for sharing with us as always.

We hope you guys have a great holiday season and peace and joy. Whatever you choose to do, we support any decision that you guys make this holiday season. Yes. And, you know, prioritize your family. If they prioritize you, don't start no shit, it won't be no shit. That's my life mantra. Yeah. But happy holidays.

Yeah. We hope you guys are great. We love you guys. And thank you for coming to the holiday show. York. I'm sure it was a blast. We will have a snack this Thursday. And then next week we're going to recap the year. So we'll have a Monday and a Thursday episode. And that'll be our last episode of year. Yeah. And then, yeah, our last snack of the year will be next Thursday. And then, of course, Raina's Tour. So I'll see you guys on tour. Rain at Greenberg.com. Those tickets go on

on sale. Wednesday. Wednesday. Pre-blown sale code is honestly full-blown sale Friday. But get on Wednesday. Tag me and Ashley in the Instagram stories. Yeah. So Rain at Greenberg.com, everybody. let's leave it at that you can follow me if you want Ash Hess, Raina.com. There's nothing really going on there

right now though. But check it out. Yeah, you know, or buy Vibrators. We have Vibrators. We have Vibrator company. Yeah. Gives got to be podcasts on Instagram

and TikTok and Vivesonly.com. But, you know, Rain and Greenberg. com above all. Tag me in your stories and we will see you guys Thursday. Happy holidays. Have a good week, guys. Bye.