Girls Gotta Eat - Step Up Your Dating Game with E!'s Nina Parker

Episode Date: November 2, 2020

You might want to take notes on this one because we covered A LOT of ground with the hilarious and insightful Nina Parker of E's Nightly Pop and Dating #NoFilter. We're discussing tips and knowledge for dating better -- first impressions (and why they don't matter), do's and dont's for dates, body language, compliments, RED ASS FLAGS, effective bios and opening lines on dating apps, and more. But we're also diving deeper and chatting about Nina's career journey, healing after a breakup, knowing yourself and what you want, and the importance of shooting your shot (especially in 2020). And we share how we're feeling about the upcoming election. We hope you enjoy! Follow Nina on Instagram @MzGossipGirl and watch Dating #NoFilter on E! returning 11/18. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Check our website for show dates and NEW MERCH! Thank you to our partners this week: Calm: Get 40% off a premium subscription at calm.com/gge. Ritual: Get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/gge. Feals: Become a member at feals.com/gge and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping. Tushy: Go to hellotushy.com/gge for 10% off your order. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I can give a damn what your first impression is of me. Right. That's on you. That's, you know, who knows what you're projecting that day? If you're in a good mood, a bad mood, you know what I mean? Like, I can't control that. I don't care. Another episode of Girls Got to eat.

Haven't seen the sun in two weeks. Haven't seen the sun in two weeks. Day before the 2020 election, it's a lot of feelings. I have to disconnect from the news a little bit. We'll talk about it. We'll talk about how we're feeling. Before we get into the dumpster fire, that has been the election season.

The last four years. Okay. Yeah, the last four years. Some of you, a few of you been asking. What do we voted for? A lot of you've been asking. I know I've been undecided,

but I made it, I got there and I decided on the spot. Did somebody email us and say we need to be more clear about who we're voting for? Didn't that happen or did I imagine that? That sounds like a dream. We have,

we get some weird emails, though. That's something something wouldn't happen, but okay. It did. It probably happened. Big announcement, huge, probably the biggest announcement ever that anyone's ever given the history of announcement.

We have all new merch coming out. It is so beautiful. It is more beautiful than anything we've ever done, probably more beautiful than anyone's ever done. We had an incredible designer. I don't know if I want to tell people if she is. They'll steal her. But it is all new gorgeous sweatshirts, hoodies. We have all kinds of cute home stuff.

We have a bucket hat. We do have a bucket hat. get a bucket and a mop and a fanny pack. We have those two. You can wrap yourself in a girl's got to eat blanket. A lot of stuff. Yes, there's so much stuff. It's absolutely beautiful.

We're so proud of it. You can go to our website, Girls Gottaeatopcast.com or Girls Gottaeatatat.com. Or girls got to eatpockest. Shop or store. Just go to dot com. Figure it out. Yeah.

I'm so excited too. This stuff is so incredible. It's so awesome. We just did a lot of new designs. And you might be thinking, I feel like I heard this not too long ago. But we, you know, in all honesty, we made some changes with our merch arm of the business. COVID really affected everyone that was sending things out in terms of delays and apparel and where you get the items and things like that.

So we know that some of you guys ordered stuff before and you may have experienced delays, but we have really worked hard to make sure that that's not the case again. We've tweaked things. We've really strived to make sure that we have like a really streamlined, easy, speedier shipping, cooler. items, like all the things. So I hope you guys get, take a look and, and shop it up. And, you know, if you experienced delays before, we apologize, you know, it's just one of the things of like the state of the world. So it's fixed now. So no worries there. Yeah. No crazy delays. Obviously, we're not going to harp on this, but there can be days. We're going to keep you guys posted in terms

of holiday deadlines and when you can order stuff. But order stuff as early as possible. Order yourself a voting week gift. Yeah. But it's really cute. We have man stuff as well. If you're a man fan, We have Gigi man fan merch. I'm very excited. Live your truth. We're really just so proud and excited about this one. Yeah. So I'm just so obsessed.

You know I already wore all the merch and so no I'm just going to like get so much more. All I'm going to do is I'm going to have a phone case, my blanket, my fan. I'll never wear the bucket hat, but you go off. I'm going to go off the bucket hat. I'm thinking I'm going to get the laptop sleeve. I mean, it's going to get serious. So yeah. You know, we had to make some changes.

And we did. And we're back again with another. with another merch launch. Drop a new merch. Drop it like it's hot. So look for that on our website. We're excited if you guys to check it out. When you get it, tag us in your cute picks.

Yeah, of course. And we have such an incredible episode today. We're going to keep this intro short because this episode, it's so our guest is Nina Parker, who you definitely know if you watch TV. I mean, she's what on E? She's on E, Nightly Pop, E, dating, no filter. Like, Access Hollywood, The Insider, TMZ.

When I was writing her by. for this intro, I was like, I have done nothing. Oh, love and hip hop. E's, she's been on the right carpet for E, whatever. She's just, she's been everywhere. And I got to tell you, I was like editing this. We already talked to her. Obviously, we did the interview with her.

And I was editing it and I just was like, it's so long. Like almost every guest, like a little behind the scenes for you guys. There's some like chunk that comes out, right? No chunks come out. Like every single thing. I was like, I'm sure this next thing I'll be able to like tighten it up, cut it a little bit. Nope. She had hot take after hot take.

So much really great fresh dating advice. And I mean, she doesn't really call herself a dating expert. A lot of it's just like kind of the way she views the world. A lot of stuff that you just need to hear, you know, and like with a different voice. You know, she's just really funny. She's really great. And so I just, I implore you guys to listen to the whole episode and like, it's just going to keep coming. Like the the hot takes and the advice and the good shit's just going to keep coming.

And we talked about a lot of stuff with her that we have covered on other episodes. And I feel like all of her takes for fresh dating apps, when to touch a person, what to talk about, when they leave. She went through a breakup. We talked about that. And it's just, you'll listen to the episode. You guys are here. You're here. You're here.

You're already here. So just get locked in. Okay. But while we are talking about guests, I have something to show you. So a former guest of ours sent this to me just for us. Like she sent sent to the house studio address. So she sent three things like one for me, one for you, one for Dewey, I guess. And it's like you say, it's right here.

You haven't looked at it yet. You look so like cute and adorable. Like it looks like Christmas morning. I'm excited. I don't know what to say. Okay. We revealed it on the podcast. I guess. I'll just make you guess who it's from first. It'll be easy. But who did I want to be friends with the most?

Amy Chan. Amy Chan moved away. And so now we have to go visit her in Vancouver. She did ghost us out of New York City. She actually did try to hang out. And then the COVID hit, whatever. So she's great. Breakup Boot Camp can't recommend one year ago, exactly one year ago. One of our favorite episodes, one of like most life-changing episodes per our listeners. And Amy Chan sent this stuff. So she has a side hustle. You're about to see. She's not just like the breakup guru. She does a little something extra and she did it for us. Okay, it's a piece of paper. What?

I'm speechless over what this is. I need you to like explain. Okay. So yeah. So she does doodles. Her Instagram is Amy Doodles okay. And she does like customize doodles and she made one for us. And it is the most intricate.

It's everything. I don't know how to read a few things from it. It's picture of Rain and I were cartoon. Like we're animated. And then it's like all the things around. us that she doodled that we like say the things we love there's dewy there's quassants i mean it's so incredible she has reina's thirstraps and it's pointing to the book sapien yes like that's i'm saying everything about us like this is the most thoughtful incredible interesting cool thing i've ever

seen like will she do this for people like for gifts oh my god so that yeah yeah you can you she says i mean gosh now we're gonna blow her up but this is the greatest gift she'll commission these so you just slide to her dms this would be the greatest birthday gift holiday gift most thoughtful thing. I feel like I'm going to go home and frame this and put this in my wall. Well, we have, we have three. So I have one for you. This is one of my most flattering things at the top of mine. It's this channeling RBG and there's like Ruth. Doodle of Ruth. And then in the corner, it says there's an internet troll. And then it says death by churro. There's a chero going into the troll. RIP, Verizon Fios. I hate on Friday. Oh, I also hate Uber now, by that.

Restaurants that serve shrimp with tails on it. On you, I know. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She has my checks mix and my beige carbs. And then. And the neighbor. I fucked. He's there? What if he comes up for to my apartment? I got to show him. I know. I just, I'm having like a real moment. Did you even read that? Oh my God. I have to show this to that guy. Of course she has this guy. That's his big dick energy. He looks like he's like 19. I just want to say, do we eating a taco. I'm going to go home and just look at this for the rest of the night and study it. I can't wait to frame this. I just want to say like, I feel like I'm going to cry when I think about this.

like the greatest gift that like this show has like given me is like the people that like it's brought in our lives and like being able to like know people to do stuff like this and like I mean obviously like my friendship with you and and our audience is so special but like the guests that we've had on the show like we would so much work in time and energy into like vetting people for you guys and making sure every week is different and interesting we only like give people a platform that like we really think are doing something great at the world I feel like a very emotional oh my god Did you see, I don't like anything on my butt? Did you even read that?

Guys, we're going to take a picture of this, but I'm obviously. No, she sent me the digital too. Oh, thank God. So we'll post it. Of course she did, because she's amazing. I know. So I'm so excited. I got to show you this.

And I opened this while I had something playing from calm. And I had a real moment. Did you cry? Did you cry? I got really emotional. I'd had kind of like a weird day. And I'll tell you what it was on the calm app. So stay tuned. But it was like my favorite type of music was playing.

I looked at this and I was like, it really, I had a moment. I can't recommend this. I also have two little quick things to tell you. First of all, I was like a little late coming over here today. That's because I ordered food and I was waiting.

Listen, it's soup season again. Oh my God. You know the soup is my truth. The soup is my truth. How are you going to do this on an already too long episode? This is a three hour episode. God damn it. I can't believe you bring up soup now.

I told you we got to keep it short. And now is the time. Couldn't wait until next. I ordered three soups. I heard three soups from Hale and Hardy. It took a long time to get them. I wanted to taste all three of the soups. I have soup and I came up for this to end so I'd go home and eat more soup.

Soup is my favorite thing. Girl, we know. Listen, I actually, I can't believe there's no soup on that. I'm going to talk about soup the entire season like it's you door cancer season. Every week's soup update. It's my favorite food. It's my favorite hangover food. I'll eat it eight in the morning when I'm hung over.

When it's 90 degrees outside, I'm hung over. I'll go get soup. It's insane. I fuck with soup. hard. Yeah. Okay. Then this other quick thing I wanted to tell you, and then we'll move on.

I had this really funny experience my dad the other night. So the World Series was this week. Well, we're recording this week. It was last week, technically. And I'm talking to my dad about baseball is my dad's, my dad's favorite thing. He dragged us to season tickets to the Pirates every single year. My whole life I hated. It's like being tortured.

So we were watching the World Series, and he's not going to mean. He's like, I got to tell you. And he, like, lights up. I've never seen him like giddy like a child. And he's like, the best day of my life was my boyfriend. Bill Maseroski hit the home run, the winning home run in the World Series. I guess it was in like 1960. I looked it up.

It's 1960. He hit a home run. He played for the pirates. My dad went with his dad. And he was like, it was the greatest day of my life. And I was like, it was like, it was. You can tell us if he's like going back in their brain that I'm listening to you anymore.

And he's like, he's the best day of my life. I'm like, you can't think of any other days. That might be a good day. And he's like, no, no, you don't understand. Like the best day. He starts sending me videos. of the World Series. He may watch three different videos of the home run.

Couldn't hammer it home enough. I was like, not when Arlen and I were born. No, he was like, I mean, this was the best day of life. You know what? He was being honest. Yeah.

It wasn't. That wasn't. Listen, people, you need to stop lying about the best day your life be when your kid was born. That's not, I'm kidding. People probably do really feel that. But your dad doesn't,

and that's what's true. And that's his truth. I'm not even mad at him for it. That's like my favorite person in the world. I feel very loved and supported. If he wants to pick that day that day, yeah. Honestly,

if that wasn't the best day of his life, the day that I was born, I blame my mom. Maybe she should have been a little bit nicerdam. That's on her. My mom said he brought a flask, sorry, a handle of whiskey and a whole loaf of white bread

and smoked turkey to the hospital and just sat in the waiter and just got drunk made sandwiches. Right. Like, I don't know. I mean, yeah, like you have your kid, whatever. But like, you're also at the hospital. Who wants to be at the hospital? It's stressful.

There's fluids and goo and there's a baby. Like, no, not. I get that it's special. But I do respect someone not saying that because they feel like they have to. He really doubled down, sending me the videos. He's like, no, no, you didn't even get a good angle on this one. You got to watch the others. It's just black and white old videos from 1960.

Yeah, that is so funny. I feel like so many guys, so many, like, men have that, like, some stupid sports event. That's the best thing that ever happened to them. It is, I've read about this. It is widely considered, like, one of the greatest moments in sports history. It is, it is the greatest moment in the world series, the greatest home run. He hit the home run to, like, win it. I don't fucking care about any of the shit.

But it is widely regarded as one of the greatest moments in history. And he was there with his dad. I know, right? You're, like, falling asleep while I'm telling you this. But it was better than the day that I was born. Yeah. So I was excited to tell you that. He was misty-eyed and pretty excited.

He barely remembers my birthday. My brother has to text him to remind him that it's my birthday. Listen, it's mid-June. There's a lot of Gemini's. It's fine. The best day in my dad's life, it can't be. It can't have been July 9th. 1995.

It can't have been. Yeah, it's definitely when Matt was born. We shot my mom on one time and we can talk to her about her birth story because I was a nightmare. And of course, Matt was just perfect. Pop right out. My mom was labor for 24 hours with me. They did lay in her stomach. She almost died.

I almost died. It was a whole thing. That was not the best day of her life. Yeah. No, I don't blame her. I'm like, ew. It is funny. It's like you can't think of anything else that was better than that day.

Thanks for sharing your truth. I'm glad that was a story about your dad that wasn't about him knowing how you like sucked a dick or something. He already knows that. He already knows all those things. So we, we can't ignore the fact that this episode is coming out in November 2nd. Whenever you're listening to it, maybe you're listening to it, maybe it's the day before the election. Maybe it's election day and you're trying to take your mind off what's going on.

Maybe it's the day after, like, we don't know what's going to happen. I just kind of wanted to address it. This isn't going to be some political PSA. I think we've done our due diligence there. I think we have spread the message far and wide. I'm sure a lot of you guys have already voted if you mailed in, if you did early voting, whatever it may be. But we still at least wanted to address it

and talk about how we're feeling, I guess, in this moment. So it's a few days before. Obviously, we're recording. But I voted on October 28th. It was so easy. I don't know. The voting place is on my street. I walked down there.

It took me eight minutes in and out. Like, I don't know. Like, also a few friends that told me that was really easy for them too, but I saw people like waiting in these long hour, long lines, three hours in the Upper West Side. I saw, like, I was just like, man, I had it really good. So that was my first time voting in a presidential election in New York City.

I felt really proud to do it. I had a great experience. It came home. I took a thirst trap. And that's my truth. That was the most important thing you did that day. It was take the photo without your pants on. Of course.

For sure. Trish. first time she did vote blue. You know, Trish voted for, Trish did vote for Donald J. Trump in 2016. And I can't leave even the character. Trish has been swayed. She's still registered Republican, but, you know,

she did vote for Joseph R. Biden for President of the United States for 2020. Listen, bitch, you can go back to being a Republican in four years. Go right back. We don't need you in four years. We just need you now. But I did, yeah, just people were asking. a lot of you've been asking

a lot of you guys have been asking who Ashley and I are voting for. Church's politics. Take a guess. Yeah. No, but she... Just this time. She did the right thing.

Yeah. It's a very emotional week. I have been, like, I will say, I feel like personally for me, I've done the wrong thing, which is to be locked into the news 24 hours a day, all day. I think it's really important

to take a break from that stuff, to walk away, to do some mental health stuff for yourself. We are going to do some mental health. health stuff and address that, but just, you know, it's important to shut this stuff down, talk to somebody who, like, read something funny, have a glass of wine and relax and not be, I think at least for me, it makes me a little crazy. So, you know, vote, get out there, do the right thing and just try to separate from it a little bit because I know the tensions are high,

and that we're all fighting with our family members, starts to be doing others. This is certainly the most important election in my lifetime and maybe in any lifetime. So just we're proud of you guys. You guys have all been tagging us in your voting stuff. You've been showing us your stickers and your everything. We're so proud of you guys and this audience. Please continue to do that. Let us know what you're doing on election day. And, you know, we hope that the right candidate wins.

And that's Joe Biden. Yeah. I mean, I just, I feel like I want to just like be honest about how I'm feeling. I feel like my prediction is that I deepen my heart. I feel that Joe Biden is going to win. And I think that it's going to be a long road to the current president accepting that. and I think we may be in for some unrest in this country. But I am aware there is another outcome.

And I don't know that I can say I'm prepared. I don't know if any of us are fully prepared for what a Trump reelection would look like. But I am aware. And I didn't really feel that way in 2016. I was that naive, cocky person. Like Hillary's got this. No way in hell. Trump's going to win.

And it really hit me like a ton of bricks. I did not handle it well. So I at least feel more prepared this time around, but it's also so devastating that we have to be prepared for something like this. But yeah, so all that being said, we will dive into it more next week. We're going to see what happens. But like,

I just want to really validate anybody that's like, I'm scared, I'm anxious. We don't know what's going to happen. We think we do, but we don't, we didn't know before. You never know.

I thought I knew four years ago. and I remember going to sleep that night. It was so arrogant. I was like, I can go to sleep at 10.30 at night. And I woke up to a world that I just never expected to wake up to. And I remember calling my dad. I was crying. And I didn't go to work.

And I got on the subway and everyone in New York was crying on the trains. And I just think that at least now I want to feel like I have a little more control over the future. And we all do. And we've seen record voting. You know, we've seen more people. We've had 85 million people vote as of yesterday. When we were recording, I'm at early vote. So it is really amazing and astounding.

and that gives me hope that people want change. Yeah. But I think you're right. You know, we have to just brace and just hope for the best. Yeah. So we'll just wrap it up there and talk to you guys about it next week. Honestly, I mean, we're going to break it down. So we're going to, we don't know what the tone will be.

We're going to keep it positive still. And if, you know, kind of assess what we feel like people are feeling next week and talk about some coping mechanisms, whatever the state of the world may be, maybe that'll be celebratory. Whatever it is, we will talk about it more in death next week. So we'll see. We'll see you in the other side. Ashley and I might be living on her parents' farm at the end of this.

But I do feel confident that it'll be a few weeks before we get a winner anyway. So, you know, lots of weeks to think about this and talk about this. We'll talk to you about next week, guys. But yeah, good luck out there. Yeah. Make sure you voted. There's still people. I mean, it's crazy because, like, everybody I know is voted.

It's still funny. It's still election days tomorrow. Like, as this episode comes out, tomorrow is actually election day. and everybody I know is done did it. Yeah. All right, guys, we have a very special guest with us in the house studio today. She is a pop culture expert. She has worked for TMZ, The Insider Access Live, VH1's Love and Hip Hop, and E live from the

Red Carpet. She is currently the co-host of E's Nightly Pop and Dating No Filter. Please welcome to the show, Nina Parker. Hello, hello. Hi. That is a long resume. I know. I was like, have I accomplished anything? I appreciate. I'm like, oh, I have done some things.

Where's your book and your movie? No, it's good. Right, right. It's coming. It's coming. Do you get stopped a lot on the street? Like, do people, because I feel like at this point, whether you're a religious watcher of a show that you do, that you just know your face. Like, I feel like, do you get a lot of like, where do I know you from? I do get recognized a lot. You know, a lot of people recognize me from my voice, which I don't. don't think my voice is distinctive, but I will literally be in a store and maybe I'm talking to a friend and someone will turn around and they'll know me for my voice, which I don't feel like it's especially different, but I get recognized by my voice a lot, which is so funny. And I've

been recognized with my mask on, which freaks me out because I'm like, I don't think I'm not, I don't think I'm that noticeable. But I was in the store a couple weeks ago and I looked great. Like, it's always when you look crazy. Yeah. Like I was like, I'm going to just run in here and get like three things. My hair was like on a lopsided bun. I had like, you know, sweat stains, stains on my sweats with like coffee on it. I was like, I'm going to just running here. And this girl was like, Nina Parker. And I was like, oh my God. You were like, you have any mistaken for someone else. That's not me. Bitch. Get out of here. And she said my whole government name. I was like, who is my auntie? Who is this woman? It's like your Christian name? Yeah. So it is interesting.

But yeah, people, people love their. entertainment show. So I guess that just comes with it. You could have fooled me. You look so polished to put together. You got your fancy coffee cup. I don't believe that you ever looked like that. I filmed this morning. So trust and believe if I would have done my own hair and makeup, it would have been a whole different situation. Well, I just love that we got the fancy mug. Like if I know, I'm drinking. I have two glass mugs. That's it. Everything else has faded writing and missing handles. So yeah, I brought my fancy muck. I feel honored. This was a free glass from a brewery. That's my glass where just free.

I got this recycled water bottle out of the basement. It is a good catcher. Like I had some friends over and there was a guy and I made him cough and he was like, this is really nice. And he was asking me where I got it. So I feel like it's like kind of a man catcher.

Okay. Very visual. Write that down. First tip of the interview. Yes. They like, they like the pretty coffee mugs. They feel like you can take care of them. Like you can be their mom. Right. Exactly. Okay, well, let's, I mean, let's start there. You give amazing dating advice critiques, all this stuff.

Do you want to talk about? I don't know if I give amazing. All right, let's back up. Why don't you, Frana, you give dating advice. I don't really. I just tell people that they're acting crazy. I don't know. This advice as much of a talking to.

I'm not that person that's going to be the one who tells you you're acting a fool. So I don't know. You can take advice if you want to. But if more so, I mean, you know, with dating no filter, we're just observing. So it's not always the most healthy advice in the world. It's more observations. I would never call myself a dating expert. I would say I am a dating expert in observation.

Well, that's what you need sometimes, just someone on the outside. Because when you're in it, you don't know that you're acting crazy. You're like, I'm killing it. And then you need those people watching from them. Mainly the men, too, because they always think they're killing it. They always think they're killing it. They think they're killing it when they send you. solicitive pitches. They think

they're killing it always. They're the ones who need the reality check the most. In our and Ashley in my's marriage, she is the one that's like, bitch, you're acting a fool. I sent her a text the other day. I was like, I'm going to send us to this guy and she was like, is this just for me or are you going to send this to a person that has, yeah, was this just you brainstorming or is this complete? Are you ready to roll with it? Because it needs a lot of work. We're going to have to redline this.

I'm the same way. I have a best friend who like, I call her like my reality checkers because I'm always like, is this crazy? Most of the time she says yes. So, but you need that. No, yeah. I think tons of stuff is a good idea. And then even a week later, I read it. And I'm like, maybe I should have waited an hour. Totally. And I'm a very impulsender as well. Like when I'm texting and things, I'm impulsed. And then I'm like, oh, I should have waited. I'm like, I'm a hot head sometimes. So I'll just go like, I'm just sick. And then later, I'm like, oh, I should have done that. Well, you're like on drugs. You're heated or like

Yes. Like it's your brain is even crazy. Yeah, it's just nuts. It's not even the same person. But we, sorry, we jumped in like a little too heavy, but we want to back up and talk about you and kind of your career. I mean, uh, what we're going to get into all the dating stuff and we have our listeners submitted some stuff on from their dating at profiles.

Okay, we asked them, we'll get to it, but are you proud or are you, it's just a cry for help? And so we'll read some of those for you. Oh, I love it. But you have obviously such an impressive resume. And I don't know. I read some articles on you. I'm super familiar with your work. You seem like you have a little bit of like a started from the bottom story. Like,

you were like working in a call center, right? Yeah. Like how did you get? I mean, you know, it's a long road. You don't need to tell us your whole life story. But like I think it's super inspiring. Like how did you get to where you? God and a blessing and a prayer?

You know, it's crazy because I did go to school for broadcasting. So I did go to school for broadcasting. I did get my start at a local NBC in San Francisco. Shout out to Chrome for. But I kind of dropped everything to move to New York to kind of pursue my dreams and broadcasting and didn't really know what I was doing. And kind of came back to California with my tail in between my legs because I really didn't put in the work that I probably should have. I was in my early 20s and really arrogant and just thought like, and I did really have the skill. I just think that I didn't have the experience, nor did I have like the wherewithal to hustle the way that I probably should have hustled.

what kind of helped groom me to get that hustle was getting a regular job. And when I say regular, I just mean out of my career. Like, it wasn't what I went to school for. It was just kind of like, this is a nine to five that I'm going to do. So I started that at a call center. And it was only supposed to be a year. And it ended up being like four years. And I was just extremely miserable.

And, you know, my mom was just like, you know, you don't need to keep doing this. Like, you could just leave. You could quit. Like, and I did. So we came. to L.A. one weekend and I found a place to live and I just started hustling the way I didn't before. And ended up landing a job at TMZ as like super bottom. Like at that point, I was in my late 20s and I was just like, I don't know if this is going to happen. Because in your 20s, you're so

judgmental about you think you're supposed to be somewhere and you're just like, there's no roadmap. Like late 20s is really young. But a lot of times we're conditioned to think, especially as women, like by the time we're in our late 20s, we have to be married. We have to be, you know, ready for the kid and our career has to be solidified. So I was really beating myself up. And I was only 27 and I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do. And then I just started hustling and found a like a little place to live and just started working and ended up landing a job as a PA at TMZ. And that's really kind of how my career started. I wasn't even trying to be on air, but they just heard me being crazy in the background and talking and talking shit about whatever. And they were like,

well, we have this show that we're doing. We want you to be on the a pilot. And I was like, no, I don't want to do that. And they basically forced me to do it. And it just kind of kickstarted my career in TV. Oh, wow. So you were forced onto the screen. I wanted to be at one point. And when I moved to L.A., it was like every girl, like you live in L.A. and you turn on the local weather. And the weather girls looked like Playboy bunnies. Like they looked, and you're just like, this is just the local station. Just like, this is a local affiliate. like LA Riverside.

Like, what is going on? Like, why do they look like this? Because, you know, I'm from the Bay and they look like, you know, your auntie. But in L.A. it was like a whole different ballgame. So I was like, this is not, I'm a plus size woman. You know, I was like, this is not the world. I even want it to be in. I was like, this is too much.

But the one thing that I did like was that, you know, the show that I was on was more alternative. It was more real. It wasn't like glitz and glamour. And that allowed me to really shine because that's not really what they were looking for. So when they say there's a lane for everybody that really is, and it just allowed me to really just be myself, look the way I look,

and people really resonated with that. And I think that's really at that time is when the trajectory of everything and entertainment started to change where people started to look for more substance as opposed to like just read what's on the prompter in your pretty dress. Right. I love that. I just love everything you said.

I also love this. I feel like at 27, I could barely pay my rent. And I was like, what am I doing? I was like going in the right direction, sort of. Right. You look around and your friends, like my friends from college, had 401ks and homes.

And I was just like, is this, am I late? Am I running late on life? It's just like, and you know, there are people, I have a friend of mine who's just finishing law school. And she did, she was in her 40s, you know, and she just decided that she wanted to be a lawyer one day and started a whole new career. And so I don't think that there, I mean, our life, God willing, is going to be long. And, you know, you can have multiple careers over a span of a lifetime.

if that's what you so choose to do. And there's really no one who can tell you what you need to be doing at what age, especially because there are certain people given resources that we don't always have. So I just, you know, to my ladies especially, I'm like, do not, if your only deterring factor is like, I'm too old or, you know, I should be here right now, then that's not an excuse because you can, people are out here getting it at any age. Absolutely. And I think that just because you look around and you see people, I guess we'll keep using age 27,

And, you know, people that are 27 that have a house that have a husband that have a kid that seem to figure it out financially or career-wise. That doesn't mean that all that stuff can't go away tomorrow. You know, people start over all the time. And, yeah, I'm the same as actually. I didn't really like hit my stride until my late 20s. And I think that it's weird to look around and be like, well, that one person has something. It's like, who cares?

And it's, you know, this Instagram culture, too, you know, of like, everybody has to be perfect. And that's why, you know, before we started this interview, I was like, I'm pretty much an open book. I'm pretty transparent just because I feel. feel like there's just such a lack of that, especially in entertainment. Like, I feel like there is this need to be perfect. And I honestly think that's one of the reasons why. And as much as people talk shit about the Kardashians, I think that's why they have so much longevity is because they show everything, whether it's being cheated on, whether,

you know, it's losing an endorsement deal, whether it's, you know, a divorce, whatever. I feel like, you know, even though people like to hate watch it, it's still like, when you, it's so often we've been conditioned on TV, there's only a certain type of lifestyle. So I think people resonate with just seeing like flaws these days. Yeah. Do you feel like you know, you look and you could just be like absolutely not fuck no, but do you feel like you looked around at those other girls on those news stations that were like Playboy bunnies and it made you not apply for certain jobs? Or were you like... I've never not applied. I've never. So I've always just had this feeling of just like this is what I'm supposed to be

doing. Like it's been even when I was working in the call center, I would be telling like my, the person like the cubicle next to me. is this guy. I would say, like, you know, they had like the computers there were locked so you couldn't see anything on the internet, but we could get CNN. So I would be on CNN entertainment all the time because it was the only thing we could get on the computer. And I would be reading stuff and I'd be telling him like, I'm going to be reporting on this

stuff one day. I got my degree in this. And he'll be like, girl, whatever. Like he would tell me all the time like, yeah, right. Like, you've been here for two years. Like, you know, but it helped fuel me because even then I was like, know I'm supposed to be doing something else. I'm not doing it right now.

But when I go to bed, when I wake up, I'm always thinking about this thing. I'm going to make this happen. It just was more of a matter of when I was ready to really have that real confidence in myself. But if anything I've ever wanted, I've applied for, even if I didn't get it, because I was just like, somebody going to say yes. Like, I just knew someone was, I was like, somebody is going to see me for me. It's not this facade. like somebody's going to see it and they're going to want it and it's just a matter of a matter of time. Like I just always believe that.

I think it's like so important that you look into a field where you're on TV or you're on whatever you're on and you're like, nobody really looks like me, whatever that may be. And that's exactly why I should be doing this. You know what I mean? Like there's a whole here. It's rough when you're one of the first. You know what I mean? Because there were older black women who were doing television broadcasting, you know,

somebody like Oprah, but there weren't to meet, you know, like a lot of young, thick black women, you know, that were doing like entertainment reporting. Entertainment reporting to me was always reserved for the double zero women. Juliana, yeah, and no shame. I was like, but also I never felt like

I was getting like the real from anybody. Everything was perfect. Hollywood was perfect. They were perfect. Everybody looked perfect. Perched perfect. And I was like, why is somebody talking about how much spanks her? Why is somebody talking about what they eat and after the award show, like, where are these conversations? Because that's what I talk about with my girlfriends, you know.

And so I just decided that if I was going to do this, I was going to do it in a way where I felt like real women could relate to me. You're so right. It's like, you know, why do these conversations have to be so milk toast all the time? Right. Well, and that's why people like go crazy for Jennifer Lawrence when she says like one thing or, you know, like anybody on the red carpet like that is kind of in that box when they say something crazy.

Like they just said what they did that day. They just admitted that they had a slice of people. pizza and the whole world is like, oh my God, they're so real. Yeah, and also just representation as well, because sometimes when you're at these award shows, for me, as a black woman, there are people who are who have been famous. Like for me, Taraji P. Henson, before Empire, you know, before all of that, I knew her from Baby Boy. You know what I mean? When she was in a Singleton movie, but there were a lot of people who didn't know about her. So to be in an award show a few years ago, and nobody would stop and talk to someone like her, to me, she's A-list. To me, that's a-list. To me, that's,

Like this is an A list, but even five, 10 years ago, when people were like, who's that? She was A list to me and to people in my community. And so to be able to be on that carpet or show and say, this is important to include was a really big deal too, because it wasn't always that it was intentional omissions. Sometimes people really just genuinely didn't know and help educate that as well.

So the next time, even if I'm not there, you guys are going to know who this is so she could be represented for other people too. That's, yeah, it's so important. I forgot about baby boy. That is a... I know, we do. I saw it in the theater. I want to be clear. I remember seeing it in the theater.

But like, big Tyrese fan. I forgot, yeah, it's a classic. Okay, but we want to move on and talk about dating no filter, which Nina, you star on the show. And just so you guys know, for watching Dating No Filter Season 2 is coming back Wednesday, November 18th on E at 10 p.m. Eastern Times. We just got to plug it.

But yeah, I mean, Rana, we, We can't get enough of the show. Basically, you watch people on dates and then you just do the commentary roasting them, which is big, that's mine and Ashley's dream. And we want you to, we'll talk about what people are doing right on dates, wrong on dates, things that you see that you're like, no, don't stop. Please stop this. So we love your expertise in that.

But if you want to just talk about the show for people that have never seen it. Yeah. So basically, dating no filter is, and this was all done pre-COVID. So it's going into, I guess this would be the third season. of it. So when we filmed it, they kind of like the, they first film all of the dates. So all of the dates get filmed. I think it's probably like 20 different dates. And then they build a set and then you come on and it's six comedians, two to a couch. We sit on these couches and we, you know, we watch our reactions to the dating. So it's almost like you're kind of chilling at home and,

you know, just as if you guys were at home, what you would be screaming at the TV. That's what we do. It's supposed to be six comedians. It's really five. Because I'm not a comedian, but they put me on the show anyway. You're funny. You're a comedian. Yeah. I'm comedian. I'm comedian adjacent. You know, and so they put me on the show with another comedian. My couch made is Kara. She's really funny. And we just kind of watch these dates and talk about it. People seem to love it.

It's something that's, you know, you can really binge. You can catch the older episodes on On Demand if you kind of want to catch up. But yeah, it's fun. It's lighthearted. It's not centered around celebrities. It's just regular people trying to, you know, find love. And then they are like it's blind right. It's a blind first date. Yes. Yes. It's a blind date. Okay. Some of them go left. A lot of them can go left. There are some love connections, but you know, it's like it's, it's kind of rare this day with social media for things to be blind. And so they can't stalk the person's social medias before go creeping and try to find, like you meet for the first time on the date. And we see it. Do you think it's pretty rare that these days, I mean, I was doing, I have my one of my guy friend run a background check. the time. And then like, because he is like, he has some sort of program. I'm

usually the one doing the background checks. My girls are like, girl, can you find him? I got a situation. Like, I'm that person. I know. The whole time I'm on a date, I'm like, please don't bring up a thing that you're not supposed to know. Please don't bring up this. You should not have from 2016. So you see people do this. Are you picking the locations they go on their first date? I am not. No. I think production does. So they pick, you know, usually what it is is they meet, they have an activity first. So they'll do ziplining or they'll do painting or something like that. They'll have an activity.

And then from after the activity, they go out to eat. Ziplining is like too much for me for a first date. I'm not trying to be in a harness. If I'm going to harness, something has gone wrong. The one person will pick the activity and then the other person will pick like the dinner. So sometimes the person picking the activity is like, we're going to go, you know, build a house on the beach. The other person's like, what? Like, so that's how you see some of the conflict because they're like,

this is not my thing. Like, you know, they shut down. So that's part of the fun of the show too. Yeah, I don't want to build a house on a first date. I don't want to do that much manual labor on a first day. Yeah. So do you feel like there's, there are common themes and not necessarily activities because, I mean, again,

this is a show and it's been produced and not everybody has that luxury to be like, let me pick our zip lining and then you pick a restaurant. Like, I mean, most people these days are going out for a first date to drinks, coffee, you know, whatever maybe. But in terms of, In terms of like conversation, like, what do you, do you see stuff across the board that goes very wrong or goes right? You know, the one thing that I've been seeing on dates is usually like asking the person's

opinion of you too soon. We'll be watching these dates and they'll say they did the activity and then they go to dinner and right when they sit down to dinner, somebody will be like, so what do you think of me? What did you think when you first met me? And I'm like, boo-boo, they still just first meeting you. Like, you've only known each other an hour or two. Like this is still part of it.

So you asking this question makes you kind of weird. So I just, you know, like the first impression ask, which really is just a little narcissistic because you just kind of really are asking them if they think you're, if they think you're attracted. That's really what you want to know. So I think any types of questions that it looks like you're fishing or trying to get some type of security from that person that you don't know, that's a turn off for me. Like you, whatever they think should matter. like your confidence should not be coming from someone else.

That got to come from you. Absolutely. I know people who don't really know. I never asked what do you think about me. I can give a damn what your first impression is of me. Right. That's on you. That's, you know, who knows what you're projecting that day?

If you're in a good mood, a bad mood, you know what I mean? Like, I can't control that. I don't care. Truly do not. That's so true. Also, it can change. Like, I don't know. I've like fallen in love.

with guys at the first time I met him. I was like, oh, no, never. I would never. And then I was like, they break you down. Yeah. It's just like, that's just not even a question. I feel like you should be asking. Maybe once you've been in a relationship and you guys are having a fun night out, you could ask each other that or you can say, you know, when I first met you, this is how I feel. But brand new, I feel like I don't even know someone at six months. Like, it takes time. I like that also. You kind of like, there's some moments sometimes where I'm on a date and I'll sort catalog it and say to myself, like, if we're still together in a few months, I'll tell them this thing. Yes.

that like I thought of, like, the first time we met. I think that's like a special thing to just save it. Absolutely. But you save it. You know, tell your girl. Tell, you know, tell your friend. Like, oh, this is, there are some things I think that should be reserved to geek out with, with your friends that this person doesn't necessarily need to hear very early on.

You know, and because things can always be misconstrued. So I'm a big play close to your chest type of person in general, though. Like, I'm generally more like, you know, I don't give everything on, when I'm dating, like, I don't give it all at once. Like, I don't tell you everything at once. Like, and I don't expect everything. I just feel like I'm more of a gradual get to know her as opposed to what's your favorite color. What do you like?

That's just not. I don't feel like that's how you really get to know somebody. We talk about this too. Like, there's a time to exit and like leave on a good note and don't drink too much because that's when you start saying all that crazy stuff. Like that's when you're like, when I ever saw you, I end the miss. Right. And sometimes it works.

Like, I feel like, you know, we all know what a vibe is. We all know what it feels like when you're viving with someone. And so I feel like if it calls for it and you guys are drinking and you're viving and, you know, because I don't really believe in, I feel like your pace is something the two of you decide. So, you know, you can meet somebody and get married next weekend. If that's your pace that you both have agreed upon, that's not too fast for me. Like, that's up to you. For me, personally, I couldn't do it.

But, like, I don't judge anybody else's progress because I feel like connections are the individual's own thing. Mm-hmm. I like this thing that you were saying. saying about like not, you didn't use this term, but not interviewing a person, not saying, like, what's your favorite color and what's your favorite thing to eat? Ashley and I have talked about some interactions on the show before that we've had with guys. We're like, we spent hours with somebody and we never asked those questions. And it's nice to just enjoy somebody's vibe. And you still are sort of playing it close to the chest because you're not offering all

this information about yourself. And, you know, I have struggled with that with like, you know, giving it all up. Like, I wish I was a little more private. And I do have to think about that. But I think keeping it a little lighter in the beginning is a good way. to do that. And so you're not hitting all these like hard. And it's hard. You talk for a living. Like you have, you know, so it's like it's natural for you to just talk about things and give opinions. And I think it's natural. But I also like kind of like the exploration of like another

person. Like I'm a really big observer when it comes, especially like with men. Like I, I just believe a lot of times they show you better than they can tell you. So I'm very big on actions, movement, body language, what they're doing to their phone. How they sit the phone up. down. Like, you know, that kind of stuff I pay attention to. To me, knowing what your favorite color is does not mean that they're a good person and won't cheat on you. So I need to, you know, I need a conversation. I could give a damn about favorite colors and where they went to school. Who cares? You can have this whole list of somebody. I dated somebody like that for quite a while. And I remember feeling like, I feel like I'm this person's secretary. Like I know this list of things that they do all day long. And I know where they went to college and what their mom does for a living. But like, I don't really know this person on a deeper level. Who cares if you know that stuff? And the only time you really can, and of course it's COVID, so it's harder, but it's to interact with them, be out, like, see how they treat the waitress.

That kind of stuff is really important, you know what I mean? So I feel like it just, something like that is just, it just takes time. And, you know, I'm still learning because I just got out of a seven-year relationship. Oh my gosh. And it's been like a year single. So it's just been like a whole new experience for me because so much has changed. since I was dating before. So it's like a whole new crazy-ass world that I'm in with everybody else.

When I filmed the show, I think I was still in a relationship. Can we, we don't need to like get into like the deep heavy stuff of your breakup. But I'd love to talk about if you're open to it, like how do you get it back out there after being with somebody for seven years? I think it depends on the breakup, you know. I think if you were like cheated on and it was like this really devastating break, I think all that breakups can be devastating if you love. the person. So I think it's a couple of things. If it was a devastating breakup or like, say you

woke up on Monday, you found out he was cheating Tuesday and Wednesday you were single. That's really difficult breakup because it's like you didn't see it coming. And so you're just kind of like your life got ripped and you didn't know about it. With my situation, it was more, I was unhappy for a while. And I just kind of, I hadn't really told the truth to myself that it was over. But once I realized I wanted it to be over. Not that I didn't hurt me because obviously that was my friend, but I knew that there was not going to be any type of future with that. You know, as a woman, we kind of come to these resolutions on our own.

When we tell a man what we want, what we need over and over and over again, and we don't get these needs met, we start to emotionally disconnect. And we start to imagine our lives with someone else or not with that person. So when the actual breakup comes, we've kind of already made our decision. and like I'm out. Like this is, I've tried, because we'll work it out. We'll do whatever we can to try to make it work, try to express it, have a conversation. Once we see it's a dead end, I think we start to emotionally pull away, disconnect.

And I, you know, there's that saying that women break up with men like six months before the actual breakup. So when the breakup happens, you're very certain. And so for me, that's kind of what it was. Like, I tried everything to make it work. And then for me, I kind of made the break. And so when I wrote, I was sad that it was an end to a chapter. But I was really kind of excited to begin my life because I had just only known this person for so long. So I just did a lot of, you know, I did a lot of soul searching.

Then COVID happened. And so it really forced me to like sit. I know. It was a lot going on. But it really forced me to like sit with myself, my, my accountability. I think the big thing is taking the focus off of them and putting it on you. Because so many times in breakups, we always say, well, he was no good or he was selfish. Or he did this to me.

He, he, and I'm like, but what about you, though? Like, what did you do to enable this? What did you do to, can you be accountable for the things that you contributed to the relationship? And then be accountable for your own healing and not focusing on what they're doing because now they're gone. So whatever they did is done. But what can you do to accept what happened and move forward from it so that you're not the same person in your next relationship? Because you don't want to be back here again. And so I think for me, every time I started to think of and blame him for the,

demise of the relationship. I use that energy this time, because we had broken up before, but this time I use that energy to work on me and think about me. I really didn't think about him at all because I was every time my brain went that way, I was like, let me bring this back to me because I'm tired of them. I'm not investing any more energy into somebody who's not in my life. Sure. And we said you can ask yourself a million questions about why somebody did a thing, left you, didn't behave a certain way, but it doesn't matter once they're gone. Like what's the difference. Are you, um, you feel free to not answer this. Are you in therapy? Because that was an incredibly therapeutic response. I know. I was like, I didn't know we're going to go down that

room. I believe in therapy. You know, in the black community sometimes, it's shunned upon us. Like, you just need to go to church. I believe in church and therapy. You can't pry some things away. But I think there's, there's to me, like, I'm a venter. Like by nature, I am, I get over things by venting. Um, and so I did not want to always burden my friends. with needing to vent. When I first started therapy, I was going twice a week. And it was extremely helpful.

And it helped ease the burden on my friends so they didn't have to hear me complaining all the time. And it helped me realize what was normal because there were certain behaviors that I was like, maybe I'm wrong for feeling like this. Maybe I shouldn't feel like this. I would beat myself up for having human emotions. And my therapist would just be like,

girl, you're not crazy. This is normal. And I could still feel my feeling and not feel guilty on top of it because I think a lot of times we have emotions and then we beat ourselves up like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I cried over this person or I can't believe I'm missing someone that I broke up with or we really judge ourselves. And she was like, girl, you're fine.

This is how you're supposed to be. This is what's normal. She was like, if you weren't doing this, I'd be worried. So then that really empowered me to feel my feelings, which I think men avoid. So that's why I feel like your ex has always come back seven months later because they are just now finally dealing with something that they've been putting on a shelf months after months, but I feel like women, we just kind of dive in and start dealing with the pain,

crying to our girlfriends, watching the movies, eating the bonbons on the couch, and dealing with it as opposed to like putting our feelings on the show. Absolutely. It's proven. It's like women just, they start right away. They start like day one after the breakup. Like let's heal. Let's get it out.

I made my therapy point. I was like, let me call her and see what's up. And for a couple months, I went twice a week. And now to the point where I only do it like once a month, just kind of like a check-in. You know, I feel like I'm probably mentally in the best place I've ever been. I'm in my 40s now. So, you know, I was like, oh, yes, girl. Fuck you.

Okay, fuck you for looking like that. Well, girl, you know this black don't crack. Annie is something to look like this time, 82. You could, you could, she could be like, I'm 82. I'd be like, all right, I believe it. Like, you could just, you could be 20 or 80s. You look amazing. You know, I will say, the 20-year-olds still crawl into them DMs.

So you know, you should fuck the 20-year-olds. No, get up in there. I kid you not. Like, it's so funny, men in their 20s have been hitting on me more than men my age for, like, the last few months. It's been, oh, I've been like, what are you doing here? Like, get out of here. They really, they're 20 men are on it.

It's crazy. I, that's like ever, I cannot get away from these 26, 27-year-olds. That's just like all who hit on me, all who once stayed me. I'm like, fine. I just like leaned into it. Right. And maybe because I don't want them. I don't know if it's like, you know, I'm like, I like a salt and pepper man.

Like, I like that. That's sexy. But I'll be getting these little young, whipp-tokers and shit. I'm like, where are you doing here? Who is the age limit? I need you to go. I don't know. I would recommend it.

Ashley and I like to fuck younger guys. So I do catch myself sometimes on TikTok. They'll do a TikTok and I'm like, damn, this guy's hot. And then the end is like, and I'm like, and I'm like, And I'm 16. I'm like, I'm out. I'm going to bed. I can't. It's so weird. You know what I think it is. Like I said, I'm into this really big place of just peace and just confidence and just, and I think that's maybe that's what's attracting them. I have no idea. I just, also I'm not pressed. Like I, you know, I'm single, but I'm just not pressed. I'm dating. But I'm not in a rush to be in a relationship. I'm just kind of like go with the flow. But I'm very clear in what I want. And so I don't know if that just attracts men. or attracts confident men or what. But it's been insane. It's just been like,

I've just not had a problem meeting men at all, even though it's been quarantine. Okay. Go off. You know, I think when you're moving in a place as a woman where you're trying to be the best version of yourself, you attract, like, good things to you. It's nothing like a woman who knows what she wants to do,

knows what she wants. And even if she doesn't have it, she's making those moves to get it, I feel like people, you know, feel that energy off of you, when you're walking around. Those cocky little TikTokers, feel that energy. Girl, listen. They're trying to get you in these little dances, honey.

If I log on a TikTok and it's just Dina and like 10, like 20 year old. If you see me at the TikTok house, girl, call him, call for help. Please, call for help because I've lost it. I want to go there. I want to go to TikTok or whatever. I want to go to the TikTok house or maybe we start our own house. I did have like a little fling with like a guy in his 20s. And it was fun. It was fun. But he was just so young. I was just like, I can't like,

I wanted to like counsel him. You know what I mean? I was just like, so what are you going to do with like, you know, it was just like I can't, I got to get out of this mode. You wrote his resume and cover letter for him? Yeah. Maybe that's what you wanted to. 21. Are we talking 21? Are we talking 29? Like how 20? Seven? You know, but that's young to me. Every, every 26 year old I fucked, which is a number of them could fuck. It's weird. I don't know. They're learning. They have stamina. And they're like learning like, I don't know.

Like, I mean, they probably were brought up in a little too much porn. But like they, they know what to do. And they love a, they love like a comp. There's, I will say like I was very, in my 20s, I was still, I wasn't like leading with like my sexual prowess. You know what I mean? I was, I knew I had it, but I was scared that it would look a certain way. My age now, I could give a shit what it looks like to a man.

I could care less. how what I present to you, how it looks to you, like, does he think I'm this? Oh my gosh, I'm afraid he's going to think I'm too push you. I'm too loud. My thing out is like kind of get with it or get lost. Like this is who I am. Sometimes I'm a little loud. Sometimes I got a foul mouth. This is like who I am to the world. You're more than welcome to pass. I'm going to be here regardless and I'm going to be thriving regardless. So that's on you. Well, I'd love to like kind of tie this back into like the stuff you see on dating no filter because I feel like probably a large issue that a lot of women and men run into is that feeling of insecurity that kind of takes

takes over, right? Yeah. Like, whether it's your body language or the questions you're asking and things like that. I mean, I wouldn't, that kind of comes from within. I don't know if there's any advice to really give there, but I just, I think that it to be insecure with a new person, especially like if it's someone that you find, like a lot of them, they come and there's always one that might be a little hotter or, you know what I mean? So I think, you know, it may not be the guy the girl or the other person, but I feel like it's, it's natural to be, have a little bit of hesitation, especially if you're like, oh my gosh, this guy is so hot. Like, he's got, you know, six pack abs and I got a little fupa. Like, is he going to like that? Like, you know, I think

it's, it's natural to be like that. But I think ultimately, like, there's nothing you can do to like someone like you. They're going to like you or they're not. Like, I think when you get caught up in this pattern of like trying to be attractive to them or trying to say things that please them, it falls flat, and we've seen it on the show where, you know, someone kind of starts to adjust their behavior after they start drinking to look sexy or do things. And the guy is like, what's happening? Like, she was so cool at the activity. And at dinner, she started doing all of this dancing. And he was like, it just got weird. I think most of the times people can see when you're not being sincere. So I feel like, if you awkward, own you're

awkward. Like, if you, if you loud own it. Like, I feel like we can't really hide who we are for long. You think people try to lean into this persona of like cool fun girl and they're like dancing, which if that's you, then go off. That's not me. That would be totally inauthentic for me to be like up and dancing and being this like quirky girl on a date. That's not me. Like I'm not like that. I can't even imagine going on a date and just start randomly dancing. Like I would laugh at myself. Like what girl? If you don't sit down like I am the most rhythmless black person you know. Like I'm like, this is not. My friends would be like, bitch, stop it. But and in my mind, sometimes I hear my friends on my date. So I'm just like, okay, like I'm being a little extra,

you know, because I think it's natural, but it's just so funny because you see kind of people put on the bravada. And it does make the show super entertaining. But also see everybody's insecure at some point. You see these people who are tens acting insecure. And you're like, you know what? We all have this same thing, you know? And so it kind of helps evil level the playing field a little bit. I just, I love that you brought up this example of like he's got a six pack and I this like little Fupa, like that will like run on a loop in your head if you don't stop it. You know what I mean? And probably

vice versa. Maybe a guy's like, oh, she's super Finn. I got this dad bod, but don't get me starting like double standards. But I just think that's like the self-talk and the like the working on yourself because those thoughts will just like run on a loop and then you're just like this really insecure like not great version of yourself. And then he doesn't like you because the FUPA doesn't like you. I just want to say to my ladies, you'll be surprised how many men

love a fooper, honey. Yeah. I didn't know because I had been in a relationship, you know, but when I came out that day, my DMs was lit the fuck up. Okay? They were like, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like, it was, it was not, I was just like, oh, because, you know, I was like, I'm going to get out this relationship, let me lose this weight, I'm going to do,

you know, and then quarantine happened. And I was like, well, that ain't going to happen. And I will tell you right now, and, you know, being a plus-sized woman, I think people think like sometimes if you're a plus-sized, the man you date is going to be a bigger guy or whatever. Every man that has hit on me, I'm not kidding. Every man that's hit on me since I've been out of my relationship

has had like amazing bodies. Like the kind where you're like, he is doing too much. Like almost like annoying. Like this is like. Why do you look like that? Like are you serious? And they have all loved a curvy woman.

So I, you know, if I would have known then what I know now, I wouldn't have been killing myself when I, you know, trying to, I mean, and you do it for yourself. But I'm just saying, don't do it because you think it'll attract them because I just like, you just never know what somebody's type is. And some people don't have a type. They just like what they like. Yeah. It sounds like you show up is this very confident, authentic version of yourself. And that's what they like. And I think that everybody has a prescribed vision of what they want

their partner to look like. I do. But like, I met people that I would never like swipe yes on on like a dating app. But I've met them in person and found them so sexy because like I just love how they show up. Totally. And there are certain things that are just so sexy like, confidence. You know, I really like an alpha male. I really like men who are let me know, because I'm one of those girls that I'm, because I'm very friendly with people. So when people are friendly, I don't, I don't take that as flirtation. My friends say I'm very, my one like thing that I'm very oblivious. So they think I'm oblivious to men that like me because I'm like, oh, girl, he changed my tire and drove me home because he's nice. And I'm like, no, he doesn't. And they're like,

like he just proposed. Like, I'm just very, yeah, I'm very oblivious. A guy really has to say, girl, I like you. I want to spend time with you. Because otherwise, I'm just like,

he's friendly. He's just my friend. So I have a lot of that where if the guy is, so I need a man who's very clear on his intention. Because if not, I have friends on them because I just think they're being nice. Yeah. And like Rayne and I talk about this a lot between each other,

like these missed connections or like the miscommunication is off. Like, like I think we've evolved on the situations where are you like, you liked somebody or they liked you or whatever it was and it never worked down. And then somewhere down the road it was like, I liked you. And you're like, I liked you too. And then you're like, how did we, what went wrong here? So sometimes I just think whether it's. I'm a big believer on clear intentions. And I will say like sometimes I do feel that like traditional role where I feel like if I'm showing up, if I'm putting on this makeup, if I'm here,

I don't need you to step up, sir and just, you know, feel like, look girl, I'm feeling you. Because if not, I'm just going to, it's friends on and I'm on to the next. I need to know what's going on because I just don't have time to play play. So I need to know what's going on. And I need you to be clear with your intentions. And I'm going to try to be as clear as I can't mind. But sometimes you want to know like you're on the same page. And you don't always want to assume like everybody wants you.

So you just want to kind of like be clear with these hints, sir. Uh-huh. And I think that, yeah, her and I had this long conversation last week about this. I think it's scary to be vulnerable. And I think it's scary to say to somebody, I'm feeling you. I like you. Like I really like you. But, you know, if you don't put yourself out there,

then you might miss these people. And I like yelled at this guy last week in a cute way. I was like, I like, I like you. Yeah, that's so cute. Because he said, like, he said, I just think that you're, I thought that you were just like a flirty person. And I was like, why would I spend all this time talking to you, hanging out with you?

And he was like, I just thought, you know, you host his dating podcast, you're a flirt. And I was like, I like you. You know, and it's scary to say that to people. It is. You just got to hope that they feel it back. But, you know, I feel like the worst case scenario is to never say it and never know and miss these opportunities.

And that's super disappointing. Shoot your shot. I'm a big advocate of especially I feel like because 2020 has been such a mess like, you know, what's the worst that can happen? You still on your couch, Netflix and chilling like you're going to be there regardless. So I mean, it's not, you know, you might as well say something. You might as well shoot your shot. You know, I recently shot my shot at somebody and it worked out. And so, you know, he was like my birthday day. I just had a birthday last week. So happy birthday. Thank you. And, you know, it was a guy I had met pre-quarantine, and we met and we connected. He doesn't live in this country. And so he was supposed to be moving here and he left. I know. It's like, girl, my life is crazy. My best friend made this joke the other day because she was like,

you have the most random stuff happening to you. I didn't know you. I think you were a liar. Like, it's just, I don't know if I attract crazy, craziness. But it's just the most random things happened to me. And so I had met this guy at an Oscar party. we connected. We kind of had a vibe. And we were supposed to link in like two weeks and then quarantine happens. And he couldn't come back and it was all this stuff. And so my birthday was coming

up and initially I was going to go to Mexico. He lives in Mexico. And so I just was, we had lost contact over quarantine and I was like, maybe I should just hit him and tell him I'll be in Mexico. And then I decided to cancel the trip, but I still text him. And he was like, that's so crazy because I'm going to be in LA that, you know, next week we should do lunch. And we ended up having lunch. And then he was like, what are you going to do for your birthday? And I was like, and my birthday at the time was coming in like two weeks. And I was like, oh, I think I'm just going to have, you know, a couple friends over.

And jokingly, I was like, oh, you should come. And he was like, okay. I was like, let me make this wax appointment. And he came. So he came. Did you know that the lunch was a day date? Like, did you know that was lunch? date or did you think it might play platonic?

I wasn't sure. But I thought, okay, he made the offer to meet up. And this is the obliviousness that comes in because I was like, well, he said he wanted to meet and he offered to meet because at the time, I didn't even know he was coming to L.A. And then we ended up shooting like three hours at the lunch. So I was like, I think that's good. Yeah.

Yeah. And then he was like, yeah, I'll come back for your birthday. And so then I felt like, okay, this is more than just like a platonic thing. Mm-hmm. Well, somebody asked me to go to lunch. I'm like, are you into me or is this just like a business thing? So that's why I asked. That's what I was, especially because LA is hard because people connect here a lot and network. You never know if it's just like you want to pick my brain. Totally. So you're like, is this a date or do you just, is this like potential networking situation? But we didn't talk about work at all. So is it, are you guys kind of dating? Was it like, I mean. Yeah. I mean, I think we're dating now. So yeah. It's it's like. It's, it's like. It's like. It's, it's like. It's. It's like. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's because he doesn't live here, you know, because he doesn't live in the U.S. But he's a dual citizen. So right now he's just saying. Everything is great.

What better play could go back and forth between California, Mexico. It sounds like, he has invited me to Mexico and he's like planning a little trip. And so I feel like, yeah, I get, but it's still light, you know, it's bigger. Yeah. We'll just see what happens. I mean, it's COVID. The election is coming. So I might be having to move down there and live with him, child.

I don't know. We'll see. Yeah. I just love that you said that, though. is what better time to shoot your shot? Like it's shoot your shot 2020. I mean, what is what, who cares? I've got to have so many questions to ask. First of all, just this is an easy one. Do you get, because you're so friendly and bubbly, do you run into this a lot where guys don't know how you feel because they think you're like that with everybody? Do you find yourself

kind of like what Raina said having to be like, hey, I like you. Like, does the same thing happen to you? You know, it was funny because when I did my, my, my, for my birthday, I rented a yacht and some girlfriends came on the yacht. He came. And my girlfriend was like, Oh, it was like that kind of birthday. Okay. I was just like a house party.

She just has like three friends and some chick filet and like a little prosceco. She read to a yacht. A little yoddy yacht with a private chef. I might have, you know, I'm going to stay in L.A. Okay. So it was such a more bigger deal that he came to that then. You guys are on a boat. Okay.

This is like the whole, thank you for clarifying. I have the visual has changed completely. I thought he was like in her kitchen, just helping her like pour the, pour the wine, a basement hang? I may have downplayed it. It was like a nice.

It's 20. You're going to treat yourself. I was like, well, look, I'm not going to Mexico. So let me bring a little luxury to the trip. So I rented this shot and with a private chef and like an open bar and invited a few friends. And he came. And so during that time, my girlfriend was like, do you like him? She was like, because you just seem very like cool.

But I'm also very big on giving people their space, letting you just kind of navigate, enjoy yourself. I'm not the girl that's going to be all up on you like that. If we're in a relationship, then yes, I'm going to be hooked up. But like, if we're dating, I'm very much about like, we don't have, when we go to a party or something, we don't have to be up under each other. Like, you network, do your thing, have fun, go get a drink at the bar. Like, we don't have to be like this.

So I feel like she thought I was supposed to be like up under him. And I was like, no, I'm on the bowl of my friends. None of y'all are going to try to talk to him. I know that much. So what do I have to be up under him for? You push them off the yacht if they talk to him. Right. I'm like, I know y'all know better. So I know I'm not going to have no problems with that. Because my friends, no, I'm crazy. Also, it's my birthday. I'm like going to be social, you know.

And she was just like, girl, you need to go like grab him. I'm like he's here. Like, I'm, I am grabbing him. He's with me here. I'm in the ocean. We're at sea. Where is he going? Girl, where is he going, girl? We're in the Pacific. That's what a vibe now. I think I'm doing all my dates like in the maritime lot. Like, I feel like at just every time I'm just, at this, be on a ship and just set out. I'm like, you're stuck here if you have to let me. Right, exactly. Where are you going? You can't go over the street.

That's my advice, ladies, get our boat and put him on that thing. That's the takeaway. That's the episode title. So I wanted to talk about, you touched on this earlier and I want to go back to it, this body language thing. Because obviously you guys are watching a date from the outside. Like, do you see things that just like happen all the time that you know immediately? Like, he's into her, he's not into her.

She's into him. she's on into him. I mean, when I'm looking at the do's and don't, I'm more of like, don't do this. And so, like, I think people familiar too soon is a big don't. I just feel like you never know what someone's personal boundaries are. So it's always good to like just kind of gauge a situation. You can let them know you're interested or a light tap or something like that. But I think there are some people who get really familiar really quickly.

And I'm not about that. Some people like it. But I feel like, you know, if you don't know their last name, you being all up on them, you know, an hour after you met is not a good look. And so I feel like it's very, you can make clear intentions, look them in their eye, have a conversation when you laugh if you want to do a little tapy tap. But I think some people go real left with it really quickly. And, you know, that's when you get the pullback because people are like, you know, not that they're not interested, but they need to warm up to you. You have to give somebody a little time.

Are you seeing that mostly from women or men or both? Like who's initiating the extra touching? I see it a lot on both sides, I will say. Probably a little bit more on the men's side. But I will say there are a lot of women who, you know, go on these dates and they're very forward. You know, a lot of them are very, like they know what they want. They know when they're attracted to the guy. And, you know, sometimes what like we were talking about before, so a lot of people get drunk a little too soon and get a real, a real

free flowing and I've seen that make the date go downhill as well. So I think just kind of any, going just at advanced speed soon within a few hours of a date is a big red flag for a lot of people. Yeah. And you can like the second I'm on a date with somebody and he touches me lightly, like just the tiniest little like during a conversation while we're laughing. Like I'm like, oh, he's into it. Like that it's, I think most of us can pick up on like if you are getting touched in a teeny, tiny way, the person is feeling you because they made that effort to like reach out. Like if I don't like somebody, I'm like hands to myself. Like I don't even want to like.

You can kind of tell you you hold your purse in front of you like what? You keep your mask on. I got to tell you guys, I was on a date a few years ago. I was at a bar with this guy and we're facing each other at the bar, right? So I'm sort of sitting between his legs a little bit. And I, we had never hooked up. We had never, this is a first date with a person. I met him at another bar.

We'd spent maybe 20 minutes together. It's our first date. got up to go to the bathroom. And so, like, I was a little closer to him than I'd been sitting. And he, like, grabbed me and kissed me. And it shook me. It just, it was too soon for that. It was too soon. So you did not like it. We were an hour into the date. The sun hadn't really even set yet. Like, it was just, it was too much. And just because I have stood closer proximity to get out of the seat to go pee, it doesn't mean that it's time to put your mouth on a mouth. He misread that. I did that guy do that too. Right now. You know that story right when we

first became friends. We, like, went to one bar, had a pre-drink, then went to this other bar. And why were his lips on my lips across a table. I was like, is this, all right? I mean, I was, it's just too much. It's too much. Do you see, hand holding? Sorry. Hand holding on a first date.

I know. Hand holding on a first date. I'm not a big hand holder in general. So I'm just like, no, I'm not into that, which I know a lot of people like it. But I, there are just certain things I like to do with my partner that like on a date on our first day, especially we don't need to do. Like, I sometimes feel like men have a playbook in their mind. A kiss. A hand.

That's how it feels. It's like, I'm going to check off one, two, and three. I did this on this. But it's like, no, it's a feeling. And I think with women, we move off of our feelings. That kiss could have been perfect if you were digging him and it was leading in that direction. But it's like you can't skip one step because if you do, it throws a whole thing off. And everybody's different and some people don't want it.

You know, I like, there's definitely girls out there that are like, I never kiss in the first date. I love to make out at the end of the date if we've really been feeling ourselves, like on the street. let not, you know, like, everybody's got different boundaries. So anybody that goes into a date with any sort of, like, playbook is, like, doing it all wrong. Agreed. I'm a big, I'm a big, like, there's people that I haven't kissed till the third day, and there are people I have kissed three hours into the day. It just depends. And that doesn't always mean longevity.

Like, I've had amazing first dates with the guy. And then it kind of fizzles out. So it's just like, you know, you kind of have to play it by ear. That's what, I think that's, like, something that people just do wrong is, like, trying to apply any sort of formula. to like a human being. I don't know. It's like weird like pickup artist dumb shit. Can the daters bring their phones? No. Okay, because I was going to say, because phones are like a big thing on a date. But yeah, we don't, they don't have those types of distractions. But you'd be surprised without the phone. There are some people who give a lot of attention to the waiter or the waitress that it's kind of inappropriate.

Wait, I saw this clip. You put you post it. Like let's talk about this. Don't flirt with someone else on your date. That's a crazy thing. Like I did that. Yeah. That flirting with the host. hostess, what are you doing? Like, are you out of your mind? Right. Okay. Can you try to, can you come back and try to fuck the hostess tomorrow when I'm not with you? And it's just like, you know, especially like these are all first dates. And I'm just like, are you that thirsty that you have to be so disrespectful to the person you're in front of that you would do this to them? Like, what do you think they're going to expect you to do if you were in a relationship? Like you can't even walk in and be pulled. And this is, this is a first state's when you're on your best behavior. So if you can't even be good, this first few hours, you gotta go. Right. Also, by the way, it happens a lot. I'm not jealous. Like, I actually don't mind if I'm dating somebody being like, look at that girl, she's so hot. And like, we'll talk about them together. That's normal. Like, I'm not so insecure. You can't talk about somebody in front of me.

But it's like the first date. It's like, we're not there yet. Now, once we're in a relationship and we both look and we're walking down, we see an attractive girl, I'm fine with being like, she's so pretty or whatever. But when we're on a first date, I want to know that you can put your attention on me. You can put your phone up. You can. you can look me in my eye. You're not looking all around. Looking all shifty like the police are about to come in here. Like, I need to know you know how to act.

I love this. I'm just saying you're not my family because they're going to be hard on you. Right. Right. That's such a wild thing. Like flirting on a first date. I don't know. It's just like get it out your system before you see the person. Right. I want to ask you, so we've talked about like body language things to talk about. Is there anything like really great that you see people do

that you're like, that's a pro? And you can think about it for something. But like, like away something. talks about a conversation or something they wore or like is there something you're like yes do that well you know what i feel like the genuine compliments like and especially i like when it comes later in the date and they're just like you know i really enjoy this conversation you know like a genuine couple there was a lesbian couple that met and they just though it was such a great match because one was like kind of you know artsy and nerdy and the girl that date her was like i love like an artsy type so it was just like

they were, but the other girl was looked like this beautiful model and they were just very opposites and they just really hit it off. I think they're actually still dating. Sometimes I go back and check their social media. They were still posting together. They even started, I think, like a couple YouTube or something like that, but it was like very genuine. The woman that was said that, admittedly said, I'm a nerd and, you know, this is, I'm just a little awkward. Like that was seen as like, you know, attractive to the other girl. But she would never try to hide it. She was like, this is who I am. And because she was just her authentic self, it was, you know, it was seen genuine from the other dater and they really, really hit it off

because of that. So I think when you can be authentically yourself and just kind of own that, the right person will appreciate it. Yeah. And I wanted to ask you to something, you said something earlier that made me think of this, like in terms of compliments up top, like, I feel like there's a fine line of saying something corny and cheesy and also acknowledging that someone looks nice. because, oh, you were talking about I got ready and I did my makeup and stuff. Because I'm bummed out as a woman to put so much time and effort into a date and not get any, like, not no acknowledgement, you know, but then there's also this line of like, it's too much. I think who doesn't like a compliment or who doesn't like to be told that they look nice?

I think, you know, it can be a little much when they pour it on or if the person has like a big butt or big breasts and the guy just keeps making a comment about it where it's like trying up. I say always try not to focus on a body part. Just be like, you know, you look beautiful, you know, and then or, you know, but it doesn't have to be like a constant part of the conversation, but you can still let them know you appreciate how they look without like zeroing in on a specific attribute because I think that's when it gets creepy. Like when we have guys on these dates who were just, like we had one guy who was obsessed

with butts. He took the girl to like a twerking class just so he could see her butt. And it was gross. It was just like, this is so. gross, it's offensive. She didn't know he was obsessed with butts until they started the class. He was like, dance in front of me and do this kind of. And it was just like, you're a full on creep dude. Like, this is disgusting. I will say that's a great thing to do with your actual like partner. My ex-boyfriend, I went to a big Frida twerking workshop.

Is you really? A judge workshop. I don't know about this. I have a voucher. We went to a twerk shop. I love big Frida. It was a good date. But a first date, if a guy was like, we're going to go to a twerk shop, I'd be like, no, we're not. Because you don't know where you're going, so she shows up, and she's just like, what is this place? And he's like, we're going to do a twerking class because I want to see that thing move. And she was just like, I mean, I'm on the show, so I'm going to do it, but she was not go well. And then they went to dinner and he didn't even know how to pronounce things on the menu. And it was a whole mess.

It's like, stop focusing on twerking and get that the soros, boo. I want to validate something you said about like sort of like misplaced compliments. And you're like, where is this coming from? This feels forced. and we talked about this a really long time ago with Dan Soder, who's a comedian, we called it future tripping. We're like guys on a date, they talk about like the things you guys are going to do together in the future.

And I think that they feel like that's... Oh, I hate that. They feel like they're complimenting. They're like, well, we'll go there. You know, I have these friends. You'll meet them. I'll tell you about them sometime. Would you love, like, would you like to go to Mexico with me this summer?

That's a red flag for me. I find it a big red flag. And I think it's very straight. It's the same thing to me as a misplaced compliment. You're like, what are you doing here? I want to date with a date with a guy with a guy. guy were both, we found out we were both Raiders fans and he was like, I'm going to fly us up to the Bay Area. At the time they had moved to Vegas and he was like, I'm going to fly us up to the

Bay Area so we can watch a game. And at the time I was into him. So I was like, oh, wow, that's really cool. And then like later he just kind of really got really aloof. And obviously that never happened. But it was just like, that let me know like this is to disarm somebody. It's not to really make the plan. It's to disarm them so that they feel comfortable and feel like you guys might potentially have something to maybe potentially get what they want. So just I think women have to, there are some men out there that are really about that life and really about their word. But I think very early on,

if somebody is making these promises of the future or you're going to meet my friends or we're going to go do this or this thing is in November, but this July and he's like, I'm going to get us tickets. I just think you've got to be careful. He might get the tickets, but he might not be taking you. I hate, it is a huge red flag to me, like to the point where like if it happened with a guy I was feeling, I would be disappointed because it's that much of a red flag. And I'm like, it's one thing if you fall for each other really hard and fast, that's different.

Like that happened with a relationship of mine. We spent the whole weekend together. We were like, of course, we're going to date. You could feel it. It was the vibe was there after three, four days. But like that first or second date and they start making these future plans, I just want to be like run. Like, it's almost like across the board when a friend of mine tells me that happened. It doesn't work out or something crazy happens with that guy.

Like he's a sleaze. Yeah. It's a lot of time. It feels plotted. It feels like they're like, this is what women want to hear. This is what they like. And it seems very premeditated. It's creepy to me.

I don't want it. It's not creepy every time. And some people will say, but I just think, whether it's authentic or not, I think you have to, when they say it, you got to pay attention. And, you know, I had a girlfriend who was seeing a guy. And they had only been dating for like four weeks. And she was like, well, we're looking at houses.

And I was like, what? I was like, you look at. And she was, I was just, she just kind of let herself go. She normally was not in fairy tale land, but for whatever reason, it was quarantine. And she had said something like, we're looking at houses. They did spend a lot of time together. But it was one of those things where they connected quick, it fizzled out quick. And when she told me the house thing, I was like, I know this isn't going anywhere.

I didn't tell her that. But I was just like, if you, y'all looking at houses after four weeks. It just fizzled out? Or was he like a crazy person? was dating other people. He was lying about that. It was just, you know, she had met him on an app and, you know, it just, they started seeing each other really quickly. I mean, this is what's crazy about the story. She's probably going to kill me that I'm saying this. But she was dating him. We both decided to join the dating app. This is mid-quarantine. We weren't really going out. So we were just like, we're both singles. We're like, well, maybe we'll just, you know, try it out. I'm not a huge fan of dating apps for myself. But I have a whole other element because of TV. And it just gets kind of weird, so I just don't really do it. But I was like, forget it. I'll try it. So we both got on. She met this guy.

And they started dating. And so they, you know, went really quickly. I think probably like they went on a date. This is like three weeks in. And she comes home and she calls me about the date. He had a very distinctive name. So as we're on the phone, I'm on speaker and I'm, you know, going on my dating app to see what my thing's like.

And I'm like, girl, I think your man just matched with me. And mind you, I'm in LA. This is like, it's a lot of people here. So what are the odds? Yeah. And so she's like, no, no, no. It's not him. We both decided to take ourselves off of dating apps.

We're going to be together. It's not, that's not him. And I was like, okay, but I'm going to send you this screen grab because I think this is him. And I had never seen him, but the name was very distinctive. And she's like, girl, it's not him. And she gets the screen grab. She's like, oh, my God, it's him. So she's like, you have to message him.

Okay. Yes. And she was like, you have to message because maybe he friended you. And I'm like, okay. So he messaged me first before I could. And he was, they had just got off the date. And he is not supposed to be on a dating app. And he was very much like hitting on me, trying to make a plan to me.

Like he was very active on this app, which let me know if he was doing it with me. There was at least five of the girls in his inbox that he was doing it with. And I was like, girl, like I said to the script. I was like, I'm not comfortable doing asking anything else. I feel like you have what you need. I'm going to block him. I'm going to send you the screen grabs. You do what you want to do.

But she was just so convinced before this that he was like the one. And then this crazy shit happens. And it was a huge red flag because he had told her he was off of day. Which is like if you're seeing other people, fine. But when a guy is lying about his status to you directly, that's a huge red flag. Because if he would have said, I'm still dating, I'm still on the apps. I want to get to know you better. but I'm not comfortable just completely being 100% faithful,

then completely understand. But when a guy says, sells you a dream, I'm off the apps, I want to look at houses with you, you're the only woman I'm dating, that's a problem. 100%. And one thing I just want to say, we've had talked to so many people, and I've never heard someone use the word disarm like you did.

I love that so much. It's like speaking to me. Like that's what it is, is like whether they realize it or not, a little bit of a manipulation, I like love that term. One thing I will say also, though, they could be like a really needy guy that's like, on the mission to find a wife that night. Like there's two different things here.

There's like actually like kind of the liar, creepy type, like the fuck boy. Then there's like actual needy, desperate guy who is like wants to settle down at actually tomorrow. And you'll know which you'll figure it out. The thing about men is they reveal themselves quickly. You don't like what I always say is like if you're dating a guy, he's going to reveal something.

He may not, you might not get the whole hand. But there's going to be something about him that he reveals pretty early on where you can kind of discern what his intentions are. You know, it's going to be something there's going to be something that happens where, you know, and you're like, oh,

okay, this is who he is. And I think it happens probably within that first month. So I feel like you, you know, you can, we, a lot of us, what we do is though we see we see somebody say something, I'm not ready for a relationship or I'm not doing this or I'm dating and knowing that's not what we want

and we still go forward. But when we actually see the physical action of it, then we're kind of like, I can't believe he's doing this thing because I think we always think our personality, the way we have sex, like all this stuff is going to change that thing. And it just doesn't. Like you, you know, we have seen women like Holly Berry. Like we have seen that and they still have the same problems everybody else does. It's not you. It's just what the other person is ready for. If I'm not ready to do something, I don't care who's coming in here. It's not going to change my opinion. So I think we just have to accept people for where they're at. And then you have to. to decide for yourself if this is something you are willing to deal with. And I think a lot of times we have to not pretend that we're something we're not. I have a lot of girlfriends who try to act like, you know, they don't wear their heart on their sleeves. They don't care if a man's faithful. Like, I'm a player too. And I think we have to have the maturity about our side. Like, I know I'm territorial. I need a one woman man. I can't have an open relationship. No shade to anybody who can.

Me personally, Nina, that's not happening. But I had to go through phases and stages to figure out what was for me. Sharon is not my thing. But there are some people who don't care, you know. And I think you just have to establish what is for you so that you're not fronting. And so you don't end up getting your heartbroken when you're out here trying to pretend. And then you turn around and you crying into your pillow at night because you was trying to be big, bad boss. Knowing that was not in your DNA.

Well, I think it's okay to want what you want. Yes. And I just got there too, you know. Like I used to be the type of girl that was like, oh, like, I'm always worried about coming on too strong just because I have a strong personality and I'm very vocal about what I want need. And I've always been concerned like, oh, how's this going to get perceived for the longest time? And as I was telling you guys earlier now, I could give a fuck less. Like, I just don't like I just, I'm going to say like how I feel.

And obviously with tact, but like I agree. Like I feel like this and I had this conversation with my best friend. And I'm like, if I'm dating a guy and we've been on three dates and I say, I think to myself, I really like him. I can see myself in a relationship with him. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, like, I hope this goes somewhere. I'm really interested in you. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't think you should be ashamed of wanting a relationship or wanting monogamy,

like just because they're very clear to tell you that they don't want that. So you have to be very clear with what you want because a lot of times men will say whatever until it's being applied to them because it's like, yeah, you might want to be single, but just no, I'm single too. So we both could be out on these streets. And, you know, I think sometimes that's a, that's a, to wake up call for them as well. Like, I think men have this thing of thinking like they're the only man that will want you.

And you're just like, no, boo, this is, I'm making a conscious choice to give time to you, to return these texts, to make dates. I have made a place for you in my life on purpose. That is a privilege. You don't have to get these text returns or call return. You don't have, I don't have to make this time to meet you for happy hour. I don't have to DM with you. That can all be shut down.

And I think they need to know that. Right. But the first step is like changing your mindset. We talked about this with somebody, our guest we had recently, her name, Shan Boudram. She's like a sexologist. Oh, I love she. Yeah. And she was saying the whole mindset is like that women and women, I meant anybody is operating out of that scarcity model and is like that that is the only person.

So if you are thinking that we got to shift your mindset because a man will pick up on it or anybody, you know, man and woman. But like when you actually think this is my one chance, I have to like lock this person down, they pick up on it. So the first stuff is like knowing that there's a million people you could match with. Yeah. I mean, adjusting accordingly. Yeah.

And I'm like, I promise you, girl, somebody else who, you know, there are things that some of my friends do where I feel like their partner just completely does not appreciate it. Where I know there are other men who would die to have,

you know, their partner do that for them. So I just feel like there's like, I really believe the saying there's somebody for everybody. And I definitely feel like, you know, for me, there were things that I didn't get in my last relationship that now when men do it,

I appreciate. it so much and I make sure that I say that I am very vocal with my appreciation to men now because when you don't have it when you're thirsty and you're not getting something when you finally get it you're just like you know what I just want to say I appreciate that and because I vocalize that appreciation I get it back and it wasn't something that I really did before because I took it for granted until I didn't have it and so I think we all you know we all learn and we grow but I think you're right like if there is a lap people pick up on it pretty quickly I love that that. All right. Well, we could talk to you for hours. I'm just like, I'm just like, watch

the time. Like, do you have to do anything to do? Or can you just hang out with us all night? But we, we kind of designed this segment around dating apps. I mean, everybody that's on them or wants to be on them has the same type of questions. How to make my profile better? You know, we've actually, for you guys that are listening, we have a whole episode on this. Raina, what do we call it? It was like called like dominating the apps or something. So we've, we've tackled a lot of this, but we wanted to get into it with Nina. And we asked our listeners on Instagram. Tell us what's been working for you on your profile or not. So it's kind of like we can kind of decipher. So some of these are really great. The ones I really want to chat with you

about, and some of this is just like to commentate on and we can make you laugh. But a lot of these women have great prompts that gets them talk to and asked out, which I think is like the goal to like open up a conversation. So those are kind of the ones I wanted to hone and on. So we're just going to go through some of these and see what I'll do it. Okay. This one, I love the the way she did this. So a lot of, a lot of stuff about politics and people just, they just want to weed out the Trump people and things like that. So, but I like that she said, I changed a negative, no Trump voters to a positive. I'm an independent, passionate feminist. I, I just, I love that she said, I don't like any sort of thing on a dating profile that says no, none of this. You know what I mean?

Like, I kind of respect it, but I like that she was like flipped the way, the tone. Yeah, I like that. And the thing is that she probably still will get super, over conservative. just because I feel like men sometimes have this weird thing where they feel like it'll be a challenge or, you know, she's not doing it for play. Like, this is what she really means. So she doesn't have to entertain that. But I do like that she's at least putting it out there.

For the most part, I think it will act as a deterrent to the types that she's trying to stay away from. Right. All right. I'm going to do this next one. Looking for someone to eat me out. I mean, take me out to eat. Oh.

That's what she put on her prompt? Yeah. Oh, then she wants to hook up. So she's not looking for a relationship. If she wants someone to come over and eat her out, I think it's a perfect way to achieve it. 100%. Lead with sex if you want sex. Is she only want to hook up? I think so my feeling about this is that you're trying to look funny. And I flirt a lot. I like I leave with sex in person sometimes. I think leading with sex on a dating app, if that's what you want, if you just want to hook up, great. But I think that men are going to read that. and they're not, you're not, it's not going to lead to very nice conversations for you. Yeah, I mean, I think just you can't be mad if you get an unsolicited dickpicks and, you know,

you're having somebody, you know, give you that same energy. Because to me, there's nothing worse than unsolicited dick pick. Like I, I just like, sir, if you don't put that thing away, like, please, please get this out of my face. So I, I'm, that's not what I'm looking for. So I don't lead with that. But, you know, I'm not mad at a woman knowing what she wants. if that's, I just don't know what her goal is with that.

And it's also a little elementary to me. Like, it's a little immature. Yeah. Okay. This was a theme we saw that that our listeners said worked. And it was food related. And here's just a few. I'll run through a few quick ones. Someone wrote, if you're reading this, I'm probably hungry. She said, this got me a boyfriend too.

My love, my love language is chicken tenders. So many guys offer to bring me chicken tenders or take me out for chicken tenders. And in a relationship with pizza, but willing to make exceptions. I got so many answers. So, I mean, Brain and I, our podcast is called Girls Got to Eat. Like, we're all about, like, the food stuff. So I think, like, anything where you can open somebody up.

Totally. My love language, chicken tenders. Of course, the guy's going to be like, so where's your favorite chicken tenders? Can I send you chicken tenders? You know? I think on one of mine, it was like, what do we like to debate or something like that? And I said New York versus L.A. pizza, tacos, which coast has the best, such and such. I put that on mine, and I got so many responses to, like, men.

And like, of course, L.A. is better. Or I'll take you to the best taco spot. Or, you know, you should go to this place that has these tacos in this little hole in the wall. So I had a lot of men who, like, genuinely wanted to debate me. But it ended up turning into, like, a fun conversation about, like, our favorite places to eat and things like that. So that actually did work. And then you have the opener for the date. Like, you have the opener for like, well, you've never been to that my favorite taco place.

I got to take you. Right. And especially when it's simple food, when you're talking about chicken tenders, tacos, pizza. When you start talking about other things, and it's just like, okay, where is this going? My favorite caviar in the city. Keep it basic. Yeah. Okay.

Recently added my love for mustaches. Responses have exceeded expectations. Oh. So she just wrote on her profile, I love mustaches. I think the guys think that's funny. I think that's like an opening line to be like, here's this one time I had a mustache. Yeah. I think that's super cute.

And it's specific because mustaches don't get the love. The beards are getting. love, you know? So, you know, it gives the mustache. It's, not every guy can grow a beard that connects. So they must feel, you know, I know God, a lot of them can get a mustache. Not all of them can get a beard. So I feel like that opens your playing field. If you put out of just love beers, that's all you're going to get. I just love it because it's a compliment already. Like if a guy with a mustache is like, oh, shit, I already have an in. And it's not something that's like derogatory. Like I love big titty. You know what I mean? Like I, if someone, some guy was like, I like a girl with freckles, I'd be like, oh, well, I already have those.

let me slide in here as opposed to like I like a body part. Like it's kind of like it feels like it's an instant kind of compliment. Okay. This one I love. I think hinge, maybe the prompt says like I'm looking for and then you answer it. So she said she wrote golf lessons and so many guys have slid in there and offered to give her golf lessons.

And she says lessons are expensive and I really do want them. And I've had a lot of guys give them to me for free. So she's getting golf lessons on top of it. Okay, girl hustle. There's that making a guy feel needed. You can appeal to something he knows how to. to do stuff like that. Yeah, and I think that's a great idea when it really truly is something that you love

or have a curiosity about that you, you know, you're like, hey, I've always wanted to do this. So I think it's important, like if there are certain type of dates you like going on, I think you can position your questions to kind of give the hint since you know what I mean, the people may not know who you are. So if you give a hint about, you know, loving to play pool and you want to perfect your pool game being like, you know, I'm looking for a pull sharp or something like that where it's like people can say like or, you know, maybe you like gamers like kind of positioning it in a sense where you give them an opportunity to kind of show you a part of who they are too. I think that's always fun.

And just like making it easy. Like I feel like we keep getting these. We see a lot of like, yeah, guys are supposed to take control and everything like that. But some of them are nervous to ask a stranger out. Like why not make it like the easiest like low high-y- on the apps, you know, sometimes they get scary. So it's like you're finally there. And then they still kind of don't know what to do. So just give me that extra push. It's beneficial. Yeah, we say all the time. I mean, your prompt should provoke conversation. There's this other one that we wrote down. My bio is I just moved to NYC. Let me know what your favorite bar is. That is such a great opener. It's not like aggressive. I think people get wrapped up and trying to be like funny. But that's such

an easy opener. Like put things there that will create conversation. easily for people. Totally. And listen, a lot of us, you know, it's just like funny as relative, because like for me, I like sarcasm. And I put that in my bio, you know, it was like what attracts you. And I think my first thing was sarcasm. And I had so many men who, you know, it attracted some cornballs who thought they were, they were sarcastic and funny. But it also attracted, you know, a lot of guys who kind of remarked about sarcasm and witty things as well. So, you know, it's just like, I think the more specific you are about those little core. works the better. Yeah, and she also added on there, I met my boyfriend this way and got

bar recommendations. So what better way to like, now you have. When I first moved to New York and I was going on dates, guys would take me to these places and then I have all these places that I know about and then I would take future guys and they'd be like, I'd hear about this place. I'd still all the day places. I always say that too when I take somebody. I'm like, I better not see you here with nobody else. I better not see you. This is our place. This is my territory. This is a great one too. Hinge asks. And again, you can also, I think Bumble does these now too, where you have the prompts that they lead you into it. She says, it's like, never have I ever. It's something along the lines, never have I done something. And she said, been to Costco. I got

another one of those things. I'm like, you never been to Costco? Yeah. You got to go. Oh, that's a good one. Someone said chickfilet for one of those, like, just whatever it is, like, if it's a crazy thing, someone said I've never seen Star Wars, like things like that that are, normal and you haven't done them, like, instant opener and invitation. For sure. For sure. I love that. I like this because I think everybody can relate and you can come up with a creative answer and somebody can give you a creative answer back. So the prompt is best gift I've ever gotten. She said pornaments, which I will tell you guys what that is. And she said men love

it. They are like porny Christmas tree ornaments. You know, they're like Santa or like Mrs. Claus with their titties out. Oh, the sanctity of Christmas. We'll send you on. The whole box of them in my apartment. But I think this is a really creative way that you can say something funny, display your personality. And then you can sort of test like what their person. If somebody's like socks, I'm like, we're not fiving.

A thousand percent. I mean, that's boring too. It's like, I mean, who hasn't gotten some whack clothes for their, you know, for Christmas? But I love that. I love the, I'm very attracted to randomness. Like the random shit that happens to people and then being able to, talk about it. Like, I just think it's so funny. So I love that she put that on there. Even, you know, and it adds a little, like, gives a window for some flirtation with that type of

thing without it being too gross. Yeah. I think you can kind of do the math on what a pornament is, but like, we only know that because we know the brand. Like, a lot of people would be like, what is that? And then you talk about it and then you're being fruity. And I love that Rayna mentioned socks too, because this one is her most hinge asks you, your most controversial opinion. And hers is, I love sleeping in socks. I get so many responses. I sleep in socks don't at me. You do? My feet get cold, but here, see, now you guys are invested.

So my thing here is the same thing. Now you're talking about a bedroom. Now you're talking, you're going to go back and forth. It's not like you're not debating a political candidate. You're not going to get heated about socks. So it's like, then you're talking about, well, I don't know, I get kind of cold at night. And then the guy's like, you know, it can get flirty without being nasty. It can be flirty.

I love that. And I love that. because if you did, I don't sleep with any underwear on, that's too overt. Too much. Yep. So the socks is perfect. I might actually use that. That's really good.

Yeah. Steal the pornamb and sting too. Steal all these. Okay, best opening line is a hot dog, a taco or a sandwich. Ashley and I debated this forever on an episode in February, March, February. I feel like a taco was a taco. Nina, what do you think about this? I don't think a taco was either.

I feel like it's in its own class. Me too, but I definitely don't feel like it's a sandwich. Technically, it's a taco. If you read the technical description, it's a taco. I like it. Now I want tacos for dinner. But yeah, I feel like it's its own entity. But I love like the super controversial things.

Like I feel like with black people, like it's like, do you put sugar in your grits? Like, or not? Like that's like a bit of controversial thing. You know, so I feel like you could put some. controversial about food or like fun fact, I hate mac and cheese, change my mind. Like that kind of, you know, something like that where people are like, this is blasphemy. You know, they might be mad, but then they're still messaging you about it. Yeah, we saw someone she opens with.

We don't need to dwell on this because I have one I wanted to end on. But she said, what's your favorite potato? That's a great way to open, you know, like fries, mashed, whatever, like just get the conversation going. Everybody loves to talk about potatoes, I think. And then this is just one I love, like I feel like a guy can't really pass this up. Bet you can't beat me in a game of one-on-one. She said, dudes loved it, always wanted to take me up on it.

And the same thing, you can do this with bowling, ping pong. Connect 4, Uno, like, anything. Bet you can't fold a fitted sheet. You know, like little, like, non-aggressive challenges, I think, are going to attract the conversation. Especially because I think men in general are just competitive. So something like this. But I also think doing competitive things with your partner is really fun.

And so I think, you know, it just already encourages like a fun activity. Yeah. Well, we could talk to you literally forever. We have kept you for a long time. This has really been so great for us. I can't wait to text Ashley about you after we shut up down. Yeah. We know that everybody will want to like find you.

So tell people when your show premieres. Well, nightly pop is on Monday through Thursday. So you can catch us Monday through Thursdays. Sometimes it's 11. Sometimes it's 11.30. Sometimes it changes. But either way. you can find us in your local listings,

Monday through Thursday nights. And then dating no filter will be back in November. And my Instagram handle is Ms. Gossip Girl. That's MZ Gossip Girl. And that's on pretty much everything. That's how you'll find. Okay. Well, thank you so much for taking the time.

This is such a great conversation. Thanks for opening up to us about everything and giving us all the dating tips. And this is great. Thank you guys so much for having me. I had so much fun. And you know where to find us. Girls Got Eap Podcast.com.

New merch. Girls Gotta Eat Podcasts and Instagram. Ash Hess, reina.com on Instagram, girls underscore got to eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Gotta Eat. And we'll see you next week.

Have a good week, guys. Oh, guys. Godspeed. Bye.