Girls Gotta Eat - Surviving and Thriving After a Breakup feat. Emily Fedner

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

It's a breakup episode for the books with one of our besties (more Rayna's friend) Emily Fedner! We chat briefly about Emily's awesome and inspirational food career before we get into her recent breakup and the ~journey~ from stunned and heartbroken to surviving and thriving. She opens up about being blindsided by her partner of 6+ years, the feelings she'd been having about the relationship before it happened, and how she overcame the debilitating heartbreak (spoiler alert: she's back on the dating scene and killing it). We think this story will resonate with so many, and we're so happy she shared her truth with the GGE family. Before Emily joins us, we're recapping our California sexcapades. Enjoy! Follow Emily on Instagram @foodloversdiary and visit her website for more. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates and NEW MERCH! Thank you to our partners this week: Hello Fresh: Go to hellofresh.com/gge16 and use code GGE16 for up to 16 free meals and 3 free gifts. Buffy: For $20 off your order visit Buffy.co and enter promo code GGE. Olipop: Get 20% off your Olipop order, with free shipping at drinkolipop.com/GGE or use code GGE at checkout. The Pill Club: They are offering a $10 donation to Bedsider.org for every listener who becomes a patient via ThePillClub.com/GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I was completely shocked and surprised that he broke up with me out of nowhere. And that's not something I ever expected and it's not what I thought I wanted. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to eat. Welcome back. You know what I'm like stuttered a little bit? I was like, what am I about this day? I know. I'm back in New York.

We're back. It's Azul's birthday week, everyone. Happy birthday, his birthday, allegedly, per his medical records, is March 8th. So he's a Pisces. They're known to be very sensitive. emotionally aware. That's him. Just really sweetie.

I know. Our other dog, our family dog is a Pisces, Bella's dog is a Pisces. I feel like he's so emotionally aware. I feel like he's extra sweet to me when I'm having it done. I know.

I know. Like I came back from California. I was in a dark place and he just slept in the bed with me. Like his head on my pillow. Like facing each other. I was holding his paw. I was like,

we are a couple. I came back from California. I was in a bad place and I ordered six empanadas to my apartment at 11 o'clock at night. Wait, you didn't even tell me what you order. Did you copy me? No, I ordered empanata mama. That's my favorite.

Well, I told you I was getting a tamale and tacos from Jod Jaja. Well, you lead in one of our first date references. Which is ha ha ha ha ha. But if I say ha ha ha ha you guys don't. It's Jha, Jha, Jha Jha Jada Jams. Yeah, I ordered up and panadas. Uncut Jams. Ashley's been said in a while.

It's been bubbly happens to her body. Jaj Jaj Jams. Oh my God. Should they change their name? Jada Jams. It's so funny. But anyway. What?

We made the same noise at the same tone. Oh, we did? She doesn't even notice. Same wavelength anymore. We have such a good episode today. I'm really excited. More Raina's friend. One of my best friends.

But she's your friend now. She is. And we'll talk about it. We'll talk about how we bonded. Because listen, I prefer single people. I'm just kidding. I'm not kidding. Ballet can still work here,

but all of our friends have to be single. Bella's an icon and she just... I feel like Bella is like we're too thirsty for her right now. She's uncomfortable. Rob bought her a wing pin. Okay. Discrete. Rob bought her a pin that's wings, like Raina said,

because she's the ultimate wing man. I guess. I guess she... Yeah, I mean, she is. She hooked me up. The guy that I slept with this weekend followed her on Instagram and I was like, why? And he was like, she's the goat. All the guys that we went out with, slept with, there were a lot in California were all obsessed with Bella. They wouldn't shut up. I was like,

can you chill out? Bella will be in touch. We had guys, we had these, we were in a group chat with the four of us, the guys we went on the double date with before the show in San Francisco. And they were like, can we, what did they say? Can we like, skip this line and come back there? And they were like, are we important enough? And they were like, are we important enough? And I was like, no. And Raina goes, we literally just met you. And they go, they go, give us Bella's number. So I just gave him Bella's number.

And he called her immediately on the phone. Bella went and got them. What will we do without her? She's over. She's across the room working on the merch. Guys, new merch today. I am so excited. I feel like I'm going to cry.

We fired our merch company. Now we're going to talk about why. Oh, shit. Go up. So, yeah, we fired our last merch. We'll talk about why. The positives of this, new merch. We've taken the merch back into our hands.

We've an incredible designer, Alyssa. We love her, shout out to her. We don't have to do 17-2-hour Zoom meetings with her to get six t-shirts made. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Raina is on one. All the way off, Queen. Me, Ashley and Bella, have created an amazing line of merch free guys.

Raina and Bella. Me and Bella and Alyssa. Unbelievable designs, all new colors, all new stuff. I'm so proud of it. There's great sweatshirt. crops, totes, stickers. There's an Azul mug finally that you guys have been asking for. There's great GGE stuff.

I'm just really proud of it. I'm excited. And we want to say to you, we hired a new merch company over the summer. We launched in the fall. I'm sorry that they ruined a lot of your Christmases because they couldn't get their shit together. Yeah, it was such a bummer. And, I mean, Rain and I, like, we, you know, a little behind the scenes, like,

we do everything for this business. But one thing that we are never going to do is like house merch and, you know, like send it out. and, you know, be like Barstool, who runs like an amazing March company. Like, they're one of the best to do it. And that's just not what we do. So we had always, like, designed it ourselves and we use this great fulfillment. And, you know, people come along and they pitch us and they're like, we can do all this

for you. And we do all these other clients and yada, yada. And we use discretion, but we really trusted these people. And I mean, I think they were in over their head. I mean, whatever they have going on internally. But they really fucked up. And they, you know, fucked up to the level of like people were getting the wrong, like color of stuff, wrong items, didn't get in time.

for their Christmas gifts, and it, like, broke our heart. And we are so sorry to anyone that had to deal with that. And we were, like, on it, we could, we could only do so much. And we were like, never again. Because we fired another arch company before them, too. Like, we take this so seriously. Like, we don't just, like, let someone handle it and call it a day because it matters. And so this, we're back to what we were doing originally before these two people we had

to fire. And, you know, Bella's helping out now. But even before Bella Raina would do all this, she would work on the customer service. And it's just we trust this company and it's way better and we have full control of it. So hopefully we won't see these issues again. And we won't. I mean, it's just, I mean, fuck those people. It was just, you know, I know there were, we know there were issues this year with everything.

But a lot of it was just totally unacceptable. And we apologize to anyone that was affected by that. And it shouldn't happen again. Yeah, that's it. I echo everything Ashley said. If you ordered merch in 2020, all through the holidays, especially in 2020, we did tens of thousands of orders. You got the right stuff.

So this is a company we've worked with that we trust that we have done tons and tons of business with. So we're excited to be back there. They've made some improvements. There's way more items that are available. We're just really excited. It's GirlsGottypodcast.shop. And it launches today. GirlsGottypodcast.

Get in there. We know that's going to be a favorite. And just a reminder to check your order, double check your order before you send it to us. Everything is made to order. So once we start fulfilling it, we, can make changes and all sales are final unless of course you receive the wrong item or defective or broken item which is very rare really shouldn't happen and of course reach out to us if it does at support at girls got heatpodcast.com that is on the website along with any

questions you may have return policy all that kind of thing you can find the website and we cannot wait to see you guys wearing and holding and all the things with your new merch um okay live shows. Let's get this out of the way. Toronto is live today. Yay, Toronto. We will, God willing. Yeah, guys, just keep it together. We will see you on June 4th, Saturday night, Meridian Hall. We absolutely cannot wait. Those tickets are live today, Monday, the 7th, at 10 a.m. Eastern time at at Girls Gotty Podcast.com. Every other live show, there are some tickets. A couple left in Portland, St. Louis, Kansas City, Pittsburgh, Detroit, and Indianapolis. Our shows are unbelievable. They really are. They're an experience that you guys will never see anywhere else.

It is so immersive. It is so fun. It's so interactive. I love the word of immersive. I know. Well, you know, gave it to me. Jamie Lee came, who has been on our podcast before, came to our L.A. show. And she was like, I've just never seen like an immersive experience like this before. You're just like really in it. It was such a nice thing to say. Yeah. And then we're going to take a little bit of time off. And we probably will not tour until the fall. We're just going to have a summer and hopefully go to Greece and do some things. We may be in Montreal in July. May, as far as we know,

not 100%, but that's really the only thing. And then we'll pick back up in the fall. Yeah. So if you're like, I want to see girls got to eat before the fall, then come to one of these shows.

Detroit, Kansas City, wherever your heart leads you. You may lead yourself too. And yeah, we'll see you in Portland at the end of the month. I'm actually first. Oh my God, I can't wait.

So live shows, we didn't talk about San Diego. San Diego's good. San Diego was wild. We had so much fun. Wild. So fun. Yeah, it was crazy.

That was those. I got a little action from the stripper on that one. That was insane. You didn't get action. You guys did a lap dance on me. I was the chair. When I locked eyes with you, I was like, she's too small for this.

It's going to crush her. I was sitting and he sat on me and pulled you on top of him. There are so many limbs flying around. This girl did an Instagram story and said, like, I'm sitting next to my mom. watching this. I loved it. It made me laugh so hard. So that was a blast. The show was great. And you met somebody. Do you want to talk about it? Yeah. Later or later. Do you want to have a later? Later? It was like in 10 minutes. Yeah. I met this guy in San Diego and we had a really

fun night and then he actually came to L.A. And we did it all over again. And so I do want to report that I did use the Passion kit in San Diego in the Pendry and the romance kit in this in the Pendry in L.A. So I have used them both. I can compare them both. And when I settled up at the Pendry, L.A., there was a bunch of, like, random charges on there for the mini bar because it was censored. It was no big deal. They handled it. But I was like looking at my bill, which, that was rough. And we kept extending the trim. I was going to go on Thursday. So if you can imagine. And I was like telling her what I did use. And I was like, I did actually use the romance kid. Ashley, watching you explain this to the front task was so amazing.

saying this. It was so funny, explaining like that there was two of them. I got to live my dream. I did explain it to one person at the front desk before I used it. It was before he arrived. Scott,

we love Scott. And so then I actually did use it. So I didn't have to pay for it. It was just, it was a journey. But it was a great time. And what did you do? Do you have to take back?

Tommy Blow, jobs were for boyfriend still. Raina? Ashley was on her knees in the shower, just fucking her knees. I'm getting waterboarded, sucking it dick. I miss blowjaws are for boyfriends. I felt, I felt a vibe.

I caught a vibe. I caught a vibe. And I just, listen, I did not, the water did not hit my face. That's her defense to this. I'm not going to waterboard myself. I felt,

I caught a vibe in the shower. First of all, the pendry showers. Oh my God, amazing. And they're big. So like he was blocking the water. And yeah, I just,

I don't know. It was, it just felt right. And you laughed so hard at this thing that like I, we're driving from San Diego to L.A. And you were talking to how you were sore. And I was like, oh, we were driving the airport L.A. And I was like, you were like, you're sore.

And I was, what did I say to you? I'll tell it. So I was like, I'm sore. Like I'm touching my arms and like my shoulders. I was like, I'm kind of sore. And she goes, oh, yeah, you're bruised up. He pinned you down. And I was like, what?

Is it Raina? No. Like, I don't. You laugh the whole way to. down the 405. I did not know what you were talking about. The way you said it was so casual, because I don't like to be pinned down to the point of bruising. That's your thing. And you said it so casual, like, everyone gets like pinned down. Because you, you were all like bruised up from the guy in Australia. And the way you said it was, like, there was the only one explanation.

It was so funny to be for whatever reason. You laughed for so long. And I had, I was like, I legitimately really do not know what I said. It was so funny. No, I was, it was other. I mean, I was just kind of like, I was sore all over. I really had a great, I really had a great time. Like, I think I texted you. You were like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm headed up to the pool. I've come in my hair. Like, I was like, what a day. You know, sex, pool, margaritas, more sex, room service, shower blow job. It was a great, it was a great time. You had a great. He had a great time. He had a great time. I mean, I think, it was, it was fun. So I, yeah, that was, California was a success. We love it. We're sad to be back. Honestly, we may buy a home there now instead of Miami. We don't know.

Who knows what's happening? I'm trying to pay those taxes. I know. But have a news somewhere. Take it down or not. We'll get a Florida home too. We'll figure it out. We'll work it all out. But you got laid too. Yeah, I got laid too. It was great. And what are we doing here in New York? I don't know. I really don't know. I got laid on a cliff in Malibu. Oh, feels nice. It was nice. So this was my first time having sex since the breast reduction. And It's like my first time having sex, like, since I don't have, like, giant titties, like, smacking somebody in the face when I'm on top. It was weird. It was, like, weird to, like, lean into it.

Like, the first time we had sex, I, like, kept my shirt on. And then the other, like, four times we had sex, I took my shirt off, but, like, kept my bra on. And I mean, he knew that I had a breast reduction, so I wasn't, like, explaining anything he didn't already know about, but I have these, like, silicone tapes on top of my nipples. And they don't look weird. They're just, like, there's a circle at the top and a long line, and it's just on top of the scars. So I kept my bra. And he was like, you should just take it off.

But I don't know, it was like the first time I was having sex with a person and the first time that I was having sex, like post breast reduction. I mean, they're not really that reduced. So, you know, in four months, we'll go get it done again. Oh. I just like, yeah. Well. But it was nice. I don't know.

I felt really like comfortable. It's, again, like a little weird to have sex with somebody for the first time. I don't know. It was like my best performance of all time. I was a little dehydrated. You need that romance kit. Plenty of loob in there. Lots of lube.

slippery situation. Actually cannot recommend the romance can of massage oil. We were doing massages. I was like, what is life? We were not. We didn't do all that. There was too many people around. You guys were alone.

I was with like eight people. Like, should I muffle my towns? No. That's ex at full volume. Everybody there heard me. But yeah, I don't know. It's a lot to like deal with your new body. But like I was like with somebody like didn't make me feel bad about it.

Men don't care at all. He was like, what's the big deal of him? I miss him every day. He's a cute little face, doesn't he? He gives the best face. He does give the best face. I think that a lot of people are like, you know, when they're thinking about getting that kind of surgery,

they're like, how will people react to these scars? Every man that I talked to before this was like, I've had sex with girls that have had breast reductions. I don't care. My scars are actually healing like really nicely. I don't know. I wouldn't have sex with a new person, like, without these like silicone tapes on just on top of them.

But in like a month I would. It's like healing pretty nicely. Yeah. So that was fun. That was a good time. I know you texted me that you were laying out on top. with this other girl that we met. That was actually topless.

I was like you put her of SPF on those tithes. I know. Because that will fuck your scars up. Oh yeah. Well, I have sun exposure. Again, I had these silicone tapes and I rub my tithes down with bio oil every day. And a lot of our listeners slid in recommended stuff. So I got the full package.

So I'm working on these titties every day. And then again, in four months since they're still enormous, I'll just get it done again. I'm half serious. Yeah. I mean, we've talked about, no, I mean, I don't know if people would be surprised to hear that. you've talked about a little bit at the live shows,

but I mean, yeah, you're not totally pleased. Yeah, I don't want to be like so flippant about it. So they do say that your breasts do change a lot over six months. You got to give it time. They will fluctuate. Now that the swelling has gone down, I realize that they're like kind of still the exact same size. Like, I don't know that they're like much different than they were before.

I don't really know what happened here, to be totally honest. And I spoke to my doctor about it. And he was like, just give it a couple months, see how you feel. And then we'll do it again if you really need to. And so that was, that's the fucking deal. So I'll reevaluate. a few minds. Yeah, and it's not flipping at all.

This is something that we've discussed at length. Yeah, cried about it length. We both cried about it at length. So, yeah, you will, you know, you'll keep everybody posted. Yeah, but in terms of, I get emotional about it. Because I don't know. I didn't know we were going to talk about this. It's not exactly what you wanted.

So it's not. And it was a lot to go through. But looking back, I would do it all over again. The recovery was not so terrible. But, you know, I think that if you wake up from a surgery and you're truly like, I did not get what I wanted. I spent thousands of dollars on something, or even if you spent $5 on something, you should speak up and not let somebody bully you into thinking that they did what you asked for if they didn't. So again, we'll keep talking about it.

We'll reevaluate. Maybe I'll buy new titties in four months. Oh, two breast reduction from Raina Greenberg. You did some other stuff to your body. I did. I got three tattoos last week, which some might say is a cry for help. I mean, this guy you slept with, I feel like he inspired you because he had a bunch of crazy tattoos. And like, okay, can I talk about the face?

We were, he has tattoos on his legs and we were like, he was showing us at, um, his thighs, his thighs. And we were, we were in this bar and he had his pants down because we were like, let's see him. And then we were all like looking at it. And then he goes, all right, shows over. And like something about the way he said. He was like, shows over and like pull this pants up. We're just at the bar. It was so funny to me.

Ashley loves him. I love him so much. He's great. So the reason why I got three, these are three that I've wanted to get for a while. Tattoes in New York are very expensive. The minimum can often be like $250 for the chair. So I didn't even realize this because I was like, why is she going so ham? And then you like explain that it's just New York is not ideal for a bunch of tattoos. Yeah, for small tattoos.

If you want to get a big tattoo, it's great. Yeah. But they don't want you to come in and get like a tiny little baby thing. Okay. So that's why I got three. I got two in L.A. I got one in San Francisco. And now I threw a tats.

One says, for you guys. And also I just like snacks, but mostly for you guys. One's this little like crown, this little baby crown, which my name means queen. And then the other one is my boobs, which I put on Instagram. The boobs are so great. I mean, they're all great.

So I'm excited about it. I'm really leaned in. I feel like it edges me up a little bit. I know. I was like, what is she doing here? I was like, go off queen. You have a list of things. Well, not.

I mean, I've been like, I've mostly went through them. We were so close to. meeting Beyonce in L.A. Oh my God. Do you want to talk about it? Yeah, let's talk about it. We'll keep it discreet. So I have a friend and her husband

and they just are so wonderful and they know a lot of people in L.A. and they're just really kind to everybody. And so they walk in a restaurant, people like follow the room. They act like they are J.Z. and Beyonce. Honestly, I felt like I was Jazy and Bionte at that restaurant. Yeah, we were at this restaurant,

very hot spot in L.A. Everybody was coming by to kiss the ring. Like, it was just like, it was crazy. They treated us so well. But they have like a special table. They usually sit out at this restaurant. And they know the owner. and he had texted, or one of the managers, whatever, and he had texted, he was like,

hey man, Beyonce and Jay-Z want to come in tonight. So can we give them that table? We can put you guys at the bar. Can we give them that table? Yeah, insane. And they've been there before. Like, Jay-Z and Beyonce go there. Like, it's just nuts.

So we get a screenshot of this text message, and immediately I was like, I got to change my whole outfit. All three of us changed our outfits immediately. So we could be in the right vibe. I wore a show out for January. I wore my San Diego leather romper. But they ended up not coming in because it was just kind of a crazy night. we were asking that they've been there before

and they were in like the back room and it was someone's birthday and Beyonce literally sang happy birthday this person I mean can you imagine imagine it every day I can't even crazy so they were like gonna come in and it was just the where they would have sat them

they said there was like this big party of like TikTok or type people and they just didn't feel like it was the right night it was a Friday night like for Jay and Bay to come in so we didn't get to see them but another thing on my list I took the best nude I've ever taken

you guys, it was crazy. And also, I sent Ashley all my nudes, by the way. I sent Ashley and the girl that's coming on the show today, Emily. I send them both all my nudes. What did you say to me? I didn't, I didn't send it to choose. I can't have this out there in the world. I just don't know if it goes up in the cloud.

Like, I just wanted, I didn't want to send it to anybody. Like, I just, I showed you. Didn't want it out there. I showed it to everybody at dinner. My nudes. Anyways, it was incredible. You should describe how you did it because I've never seen anybody do something like that. All right.

So let me describe it. a lot of I wanted to do, I got in spot it wasn't actually, listen, that guy that I slept with, I showed it to him, I didn't send it to him,

I don't want him to have it. You know, I don't know what's gonna. Oh no, I would never like, stick a stringer up. Yeah, so, but I did show it to him. We were like,

laying at the pole. I was like, you want to see this nude? You know, said I would be, if you sent it to him and not me? Yeah, no.

Nobody has it. They've, a lot of people have seen it. I've been passing it around. So I wanted to do, um, a shower nude because I, like to get it hot. So it was like, see me. It's like going to be really hard to explain.

I basically set my phone up on the counter front facing to like face the shower. And then the shower obviously glass wall. And then I went into the shower and it like took a picture of me through the glass when it was like a bunch of like, you know, it's like all steamy and there's like water running down it. And so it was like you could see. Let me, you could see my like nipples. I mean, you could see I was naked. You could take a little bit of my vagina. But it wasn't so obvious because I was kind of like filtered by the water. This wasn't hard to describe. This is easy to describe.

It was amazing. I feel like this is really easy to set up. Let me ask you how. I'd love to have watched you. How many times did you take it? First try. That was the first one. No, the first one, the first one wasn't good.

And then that was the second one. And then I was like, can I do better? And you know, you hit a good one. You're like, that's going to be the one. I did a few more and they just, they weren't as good. I tried to like turn around and do my ass. That was a mess. So what was the timer set at?

10. You were Russian. Right, one step away. I just popped into the show. I think it's honestly one of the sexiest nudes I've ever seen. It's really subtle. I love the idea. You guys should do it and replicate it.

And you can set it to me because Ashley wouldn't send it to me. Oh, do you want it? Yeah, I want it. I don't want it. You can cover your titties with emojis. It's so hot. I mean, I'm not sending you my full bush nudes. Like, I'll have a bush.

But if I did, I mean, I cover my stuff up. Okay, I will tell you, I have never been tagged or DMed more things than Britney Spears is. nudes because she covers her up her nipples with little diamond emojis. Her and Kendall Jenner. People are so mad. The public is upset. Her whole Instagram right now is just her tities.

Like, people are upset that my nudes got taken down. We agree you should be able to have your titties on Instagram, but like it's not fair that yours got taken down. And then you got shadow band and Brittany's out here just tities every day. Every day. And you got, so it really scares me when I wake up and I either have like 30 comments on something

when I haven't posted something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I have like dozens of DMs. I'm like, oh my God, we're canceled. What's happening? But this was, it's been all about Brittany this week. Yeah. So that's what's been happening to me.

Thank you guys for your support. I understand that she has tens of millions of followers and Instagram prioritizes her over me. Whatever. I mean, it just, it shouldn't matter. It should be the same standards for everybody. I know. I know. Free Raina.

Free Raina's nipples. Okay. The last thing out of my list, the best stand-up special I've ever seen. Ever. I mean, that spoke to me. Yeah, I'm going to say ever. Is Ali Wong's Don Wong, and it's out on Netflix. First of all, the name, I think about it every day. It is the best name of a special I've ever heard. It is the most perfect because she's like a boss. It's like this very, the whole theme. The whole thing is like she's his boss. Like she's talking about how she won monogamy and we'll talk about it. But like the theme coupled with the name Don Wong, I just can't get over it. I think about every single day. I can't get over how perfect it is. It was really phenomenal. I stayed home after, I think I stayed in on, like, Friday night. We stayed in a couple nights.

We were going for like 12 nights. Well, we didn't stay home that night. I went, midnight. I watched it. You went out. But it is so phenomenal. And she really speaks to, at first, like, women that make more money than men and women that are more successful than the people that are dating.

And I don't want to give all over jokes way, but it is so funny. Let's just, let's just say this, like, there's some spoilers. Because I do want to talk about a couple of the jokes. To me, it really spoke to me. And she's just talking about, like, getting a blowjob from one that makes more money. and she's like, she is busy. She has things to do. And she's sucking your dick.

I mean, it is amazing. Watching her speak about that, she speaks about our marriage a lot. The last few specials of you guys watched him, she's pregnant for both of those. She's talking a lot about childbirth and having kids. This was more like her marriage. And I don't know.

There's stuff you want to talk about it. No, I just, I mean, the beginning is all about female comedians versus male comedians and how like an average male comedian, when he gets any notoriety, his dating poll expands. And for a woman at, like, creases. Like it's crazy. It's like it hit me so hard. And then, yeah, it's talking about like successful women sucking dick and like getting like when she was talking about calming on her face and stuff like that. But I mean, yeah, I can I, when I was sucking this guy's dick,

I was like, I had her in my head going like, do you know how many self-made female millionaires there are in this world? And she wants to put your dick in her mouth. I was just like, oh, I couldn't help me. I just kept thinking about it. I am going to think about Ali Wong every time I suck a dick now. I know. I really am. And it is like the way that I've never been able to articulate it the way that she did. But the way that she explained that like, I mean, not just female comedians and people with notoriety. Any person, anytime a man makes a bunch of money, his dating pool drastically expands. And women as they go up the ranks and they make more money, I don't, I wouldn't say that it decreases. But it's always in your head like, will somebody feel intimidated by my success, by my money. And women have asked that for years of us. Yeah. Um, you. Um, you. Um, you. you know, do you think met her intimidated by my success? And I just thought that she perfectly just articulated it. It's an incredible special. It's just so fucking funny. And, you know, she just talks about how great it is. She's jealous as single people. I mean, she, you know, she talks about her husband stuff too at the end who's like a perfectly match for her and

and being a mom and all that kind of stuff. But I cannot recommend it enough. You guys, oh my gosh. Kate told me she was like, Ashley, you have to watch this. She like hammered me. She was like, please just watch it. Watch it tonight. Like watch it whenever. And I was like, okay, Kate, fine. But then you started telling me about, some of the jokes. And I was like, what? It's like, is this us? A hundred percent. Excuse me? Like, the sucking dix? I was just like, oh my God.

She's brilliant. Anytime somebody asks me, what are your favorite comedy specials? I always list her because I really love Tom Segura, John Malaney, and Nate Bargasi. They're like my favorite. But these are all like white Christian males. And so like when somebody says, what are your favorites, I'm always like, you have to watch Ali Wong. She is so outside of the box of any comedian you've ever seen. The way she speaks about her life experience is so different than any person. I've ever seen. She's just phenomenal. And we want to have her on the show. So listen, if you're her agent or something, just reach out

to us. We'll also email like a normal person. Bella, get Ellie Wong. Bella get Ali Wong. When she said her husband's living the life she wanted for herself, my mind, like, exploded. Like I was like, that was one of the best like lines, like observations. Like I was just, oh my God, I'll never get over at Don Wong, you guys. Check it out. It's on Netflix. It's unbelievable. Never be of another better special name. Ever. Never. Maybe we'll come up with a better one. No, we won't. There's nothing that can beat it.

Oh my God, Zul's like really in my face. He's so cute. It's your birthday week. George is across the room. George doesn't like it. George. You guys, Bella has a dog. His name is George.

I mean Zool are gay together. It's cute. George is just gay for Azul. Zul just hangs out. George can't keep his tongue out of Azul's mouth. He doesn't understand boundaries or consent. It's okay. Zool is sweet.

He takes it because he's a Pisces. Oh. Not that doesn't, you guys know what I mean. We're not saying. and you should, you guys get it. It's jokes. They're dogs. Jokes, you know, relax.

We're having fun. We're having fun. I think I got through my list. Yay. Okay. Are we ready for your friend? Yes. Our friend now.

You guys, I'm so excited to finally have one of my absolute best friends, a long requested guest. You guys have asked us to have her on. You've slid into her DMs and asked when she's coming on. She is just the best person in the whole world. So one of my best. friends, more my friend, but now Ashley's friend. Emily Fedner.

Hi, everyone. Hi. I am so excited to be here. We're so excited to have you. Yes, Emily and I have our own special bond. Ashley and I talk about Peloton all the time, Rina. Yeah. So I was all text her in the day earlier than I was included. I'm a Peloton person too.

If you don't have the bike. Honestly, you can't sit with us. We're like, you play it on your TV. I have a better bike. I love my bike. Norton track. All right. Ashley gets

Ashley gets a Peloton class text first. You guys do text, side text about it. What else do we side text about? Sometimes we're just like boys. Sometimes like stuff. Yeah. A Peloton related boy. Yeah, exactly.

I think of the two people in the world I'm on the most group texts with, it's you, both the two of you, the most group texts with other people. And then you guys are like my, so like we'll be on one with four people and then three people and then one. We're on like the side text of the side text.

It's so many. And I'm like, do I send this to just Emily or? Emily and Raina. Like, I just don't, and you probably have a whole bunch more. But anyway, Emily, so Emily, tell us about yourself. So we, we met when I was still doing food blogging. You're a huge food blogger. You have this incredible account, Food Lover's Diary. You cook. You do all kinds of food adventures. A lot of unbelievable immigrant cuisines. You are a writer, a photographer. You have an incredible business. You're a chef also, and for publicist. You're everything. Yeah. I know.

I forgot about when you were like a legit chef. Yeah. I've, sometimes I'm like, who I did that. It was like so hot. She did that. I did that. Yeah, I have done, I mean, I'm just incredibly passionate about the food industry. Always have been, have worked in restaurants since I was 15. And ever since I moved to New, L.A. and New York, I've kind of just made a point of becoming familiar with and learning about every facet of the industry.

So I kind of started as a publicist. Then I became a line cook when I realized I wanted to get closer to the source. And it all kind of went from there. But all the while I was building food. which is my Instagram account, my like food blog, where I primarily explore immigrant-owned restaurants and just like all the immigrant cuisines that make New York and America so special. Yeah, and your parents are immigrants. You grew up in Ohio, but they're, yeah, my parents are, my parents were born in Ukraine, former Soviet Union. So they emigrated actually when they were

my age. They were 28 with my five-year-old, older sister in tow, and they left the Soviet Union as refugees. Had a long immigration. They were in Austria and Italy for six months and then settled in Columbus, Ohio of all places. So exotic. Someone was literally like, I heard there's jobs in Ohio or like someone's cousin. We love Ohio. I mean, we are huge. Ashley was wearing the Ohio sweatshirt in the Pittsburgh airport.

I just love Ohio. I'm a huge fan of the state. I am too. I mean, I left, but. I mean, I just think you're so incredible. And also it's like, I don't know. I mean, you were like, I'm going to be a food person. I'm going to actually work in a kitchen and like be a chef.

I mean, I just think it's like so admirable. And you're just like the best. to cook. We went, remember we went over there, like, it was right after Dewey died. And Iran was like, do you want to go to Emmys? And I was like, I don't know if I, like, want to be around people, but I came to your place and you made these dumplings. And it was just so great. I loved having you. I love cook. I mean, I just genuinely love cooking for people. And, and yeah, I feel like I'm the, I am the opposite of fake it till you make it. I'm like, I don't believe I've ever made it and I'm going to do.

You're like, walk the walk, like, or walk the walk, talk to talk. Like, you're like, I'm going to like not just, I'm going to like, I don't want to like be like, I'm a chef, I'm a chef. I, you know, I still don't call myself a chef ever, but I would, I just am genuinely interested in, and really learning everything. And then wine school as well, just everything I do, I like to, I like to become an expert in it. I mean, I was like, people were in quarantine. Emily was like making cookbooks. She's too productive. Stop. I know. You're making this all feel bad. I think you look at somebody and you're like, how did you get so successful? And for Emily, it's like, it's not an accident. You know, this is.

purposeful. Like I did food PR. I worked in restaurants. You have a wine certification. You cook every day. I have loved our food tours together. Like, for example, you took me to Brighton Beach and we went, was a heavily, predominantly Russian area. We went to all these restaurants, trying all this new food, and you speak Russian and you were able to like just really pull out all the coolest, best, most unique things. And that's one of the things that I'm so obsessed with your food blog and your Instagram so much about and have been, because it's just like, it's not the same thing that you find literally everywhere on everybody else's page. I mean, I think there's so many amazing restaurants in New York City and there's so many amazing people who cover these restaurants, but I really wanted to make sure that I was, you know, using my space to promote the immigrant-owned restaurants, the hidden gems, the places that don't have PR, the places that aren't inviting you in, and the places that you probably wouldn't go to unless you've really made a point of it. I just think it's so unique. It's what all these other really pig famous restaurants. It's a lot of, it's a lot of them are inspired by these mom and pop shops. And that's what I highlight. She said, Hidden Joms.

Jim Joms. I love hidden jobs. Well, the reason you're here today. The reason you're here today. Oh my God. I felt that coming on. Well, when I met you at a boyfriend,

I was always really close with him, and I do want to start this episode saying, I really care about him. And he's always been really great to me. So he has been a friend of mine for years since I met you. And I, you can talk about your own relationship. But we'll talk about the relationship. but right before Thanksgiving, you called me.

And I feel like choked up. But my phone rang at night and you were like hysterical and you were like, he left me and he broke up with me. And I have just like watched you handle this in such an incredible way and watch you handle your life and processing the emotions in a great way and moving on. And I feel like I'm like crying. Whatever, it's fine. It's fine. Oh, I'm definitely going to cry for surely.

I've watched you really like blossoming. him into your own and build your own life outside of him and date again. And it's been really inspiring. So I think the story will be really beautiful to other people. I'm going to stop crying. Well, yeah. So basically what happened is I have been in a relationship for essentially my entire 20s. We met when I was 20 and we started dating when I was around 23. And I had no reason to feel like he was not the one. So I thought he was the one. And, you know, we built this life together. We grew up together. I was really close to this family. And I really thought that was it for me. And I never, ever would have envisioned a world where that would have ended. And I remember it was

kind of funny because just the week before all this happened, I was walking with my friend on the streets in Williamsburg. And I was just like, if my ex breaks up with me, because to back it up, I just found out about another friend who had broken off her engagement after eight and a half years. And I was like, holy shit, how does anyone do that? Like, if my ex broke up with me, I would literally be in a straight jacket. Like, I would not survive that. And then one week later, I don't want to get, we don't have to get too granular, but basically what happened was I was completely shocked and surprised that he broke up with me out of, out of nowhere. And that's not something I ever expected and it's not what I thought I wanted. And it was really, really difficult.

I basically immediately, my twin sister got me a flight to Ohio in the morning. That's where my parents are. And I was like a shell of myself for a week. And I remember calling you and I remember just, I couldn't even like open my mouth without crying at that point. I was not sure. I, it was, it was the worst few days of my life thus far. I for sure. So that, that happened. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, I think that you are a super independent person. Like, I don't think it was like some codependency that you had on him. But when you felt yourself being like, if he leaves me, I won't be okay. Was it just because of like not being able to imagine your life without him? Like you had something together. You lived together. Obviously, you're on the least together. Was it just like, I don't know what it looks like without him kind of thing. Yeah, it was, that's, that is a thing. Like, I always had my own life and my own friends and all that stuff. But I think it was because I was so deeply, you're after, six, almost six years of someone, you're so deeply intertwined with them. You're intertwined with their family. You've envisioned this entire life for yourself. You have a direction. Your life is

not just your life. It's our life. And it's where are we going to live. What are we going to do? What do we want from life? To envision all of that going away is pretty unfathomable when you've spent that many years building it together. And I think that's really what was shocking to be that. And you know, I loved him so much. Like I thought he was, right. I thought he was the greatest guy ever. I mean, I still think he's a great guy despite how it went down, you know? I think after your first, like, if you've never had a really horrific loss in terms of a breakup, you don't know that you'll ever survive it.

And you've said that to me for years. If you ever leaves me, I would die. I would never survive it. And I used to say to you, you're going to be fine because, I mean, I've been there too where, like, the person I thought that I had an entire future with walked to the door and left me exactly like happened to you. and I just remember thinking like, okay, do I know anybody that's ever survived something so terrible? And then I was like, oh, both of my parents, you know, like have lost out on the life they

quote unquote thought they would always have. And they survived. But you don't know that at the time. I think it's so tough at the age too. Because, I mean, I think once you really come into your own, whatever, I mean, I like to say, it's like, you know, you're 30 or whatever. There's like, you know, coming of age of 27. Like, again, everybody's different.

But like, it gets a little easier. Like you literally were like when we started dating, I was like 23. Like that's so different than being like 29, you know? Like I can imagine you were like, who is she? Like who is she outside of this relationship? I mean, exactly. Like we just listed all those random things I've done with my career. Like he has been next to me through all those things.

He has seen me through every phase of my life and of becoming an adult and becoming who I am now. Like there is really something to be said for that. And it's really special. And it's like, you will not get that back. So the next people I date, I won't have that with them. And it was just really hard for me to realize

that this person that I've grown up with is, you know, it stops here. Like that chapter's over. Right. And it was really, really, and that's why I called Raina because that's exactly what went through my head. I was like, who do I know?

Like, first of all, I wasn't telling anyone because I just was like, what the, I was, like, you don't know which way is that. Like, you don't know which fuck just happened to me. Yeah. It was so incredibly shocked. But I remember having that thought.

I was like, who do I know who's been through this? And I just called Raina and I heard her voice and it made me start. Obviously, I was crying. And then she started crying. But to just hear her talk about what she went through with her ex was really incredibly comforting at that time. It was comforting to hear. I don't know if I was like fully digesting anything at that point.

But it was just like a comfort to know so many people have gone through this and they've survived and they've thrived because that's what I was scared. I was like, that's what I was most scared of for. like what happens next? Like what do I, what do I do? I mean, you can't even picture. Like, it's like you feel manic. And I felt like that like, like I felt like that in my life. You're just like, how the hell is, am I going to like wake up tomorrow and be okay? Every, I mean, I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating. It was the whole, I was keeping really weird hours. I was just like, when will I ever be normal? And what I've kind of learned is not, you're not ever going to go back

to the same normal. You're never going to be normal again. you will just change and your life will change, but you're not ever going to go back to the normal. There's a new normal. I think in that moment you're in so much pain that you're like, I don't know how I'm ever going to survive this. It's like the worst pain you will ever feel in your life. I mean, short of losing a parent or somebody that you love,

like actually dying, like this is really the death of a future and it is like a pain you like can't even imagine ever going away. It's like so intense. I don't want to be like controversial, but I almost think that when someone passes away, there's more of like a finite ending. When someone chooses to leave you and not be with you, but they still exist in this world.

And, you know, like there's no conclusive ending there. It's just like they left. And you have to move on knowing they still exist. And they're still out there is just like a special form of torture. But yeah, that's what I thought. I was like, the pain when someone breaks up with you, I never had experienced it. like I said, that's the thing. I feel, I feel like stunted in so many ways because I'm going through things now that

that people go through when they're like, 23, 24, 25, and I'm like, I'm 29. How the fuck do I said at my internet? Thank God you said that, because earlier you said you're 28 and I was like, bitch or not. Did I? Yeah. My parents. Okay, give me, let me, I'm going to turn 30 soon. I'll be the last friend in my 30 is. I know I guess. Last friend of reach 30 and 20. 20s now. Okay. Anyways, yes. It was, it was a time and it took me, I ended up staying in my parents' house for a few, weeks and then I went to the West Coast, etc. while I was trying to figure out

what the hell would happen next. I mean, it's kind of nice though because I think you got it over with and I think everybody has like one debilitating heartbreak and I think once you go through it, you're like, whew, God's over. Like you'll get your heart broken again and you'll get fucked up again, but like I just don't think it will ever hurt as bad as that first time.

And you're like, I'm out. I'm out of the woods. I think, I'm sure people have had different experiences, but I don't think I'll ever feel as heartbroken as I like did with my ex. And same to you, probably. you know. I just have the foresight now to know, like my, I've ever talked about this all the time for years, but my fiancee walked in the door, told me he was leaving me, like the day after our engagement party. So I thought I was going to die. Now I know, like, I think some people are like, how do you not bring baggage from a previous relationship to do the next one? For me, it's like, I know that a relationship's going to be different. And I also know no matter what happens, I am me and I got me and I'm going to be okay. No matter what. It's, I'm, I don't want to say I'm necessarily grateful for going through that. but it is, I've gone through a lot of things in my life. Like, I feel like I've done a lot of living in 29 years,

and I've had a lot of painful and shitty experiences, but not to be cheesy, but something Robin from Pelton always says really sticks with me because she's always like, you've survived, or, yeah, it's her, or Kendall, well, I think it's Robin. She's like, or two a day. Or like somebody. Anyways, it's a Peloton girl.

And they're like, you have survived 100% of your bad days. Oh, I love that. That feels like Robin. Yes, it's definitely Robin vibes. And I mean, she's just a badass in general. I find a lot of comfort in the badass women that surround me. And that's kind of what got me through, especially those initial few weeks, is knowing, like, the worst things that you think could ever happen to you, it will suck.

And it will feel like you will never survive it, but you will be okay. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's like the most simple, but reassuring advice. Like, I've even had people just come to me when their dog dies. And they're like, I just know I'll be okay because of you. You know, just like you find like one. like beacon of light of like this terrible thing happened to this person and like they're thriving.

And you are thriving now. And I just, we talk about all the time. Like I don't know that I've seen a post breakup thrive more than you. I mean, just like you were, when you were apartment searching, I mean, let's talk about the journey. But I just, I was like, this bitch just got like totally fucked up. Like, and she's just on this apartment search in New York City, which is just a living hell and you have your own place and you're just, I mean, is it time? Can we transition? Well, before we talk about how you've gone through the breakup, I think it would be good to give a little background on like sort of your thoughts leading up to it. No, this is great.

I'm jumping ahead. Like you said Robin and I'm like, now I'm getting too amped up. We mentioned Peloton, you're on one. Yeah. I'm like, how did you get through it, girl? The conversations I can't be approved. I'll let you, I don't want to put any words in your mouth or get away too much information. So I think that you were with somebody for like what six and a half seven years and he's just like a great person he's really nice and smart and successful and interesting and you guys had like a great friendship he's like of all my friends he's one like the the significant others i enjoyed spending time with the most he was always included and everything but i think that you started to like hear a voice in your head maybe that was

like is this forever i'm not sure but i have this perfect person and is it worth going out into the world to have all the shit that everybody else has so like can we talk about maybe how you felt a little bit. Yeah, of course. So I don't think this is news to anyone, but you're not the same person at 23 that you are at 29 or 28 or, you know, I'm 20. However old you're, you're parading to be. However old you pretend. I am also 28. I would like to come out as being 28. I identify as 28. I identify as 48, which is why my advice is so good. Exactly. Yeah. I actually identify 65. Oh my God, I kind of identify as 22 right now. You're on. You're on one.

Everything is going on. But yeah, so before I started dating my ex, I was, I mean, and throughout the time that I was dating my ex, I'm a very social person. I love going out. I love meeting people. I love going to bars and restaurants. And I've just always been that person. I love being social. And I feel like I did get to this point probably a year and a half.

like around COVID time when everyone was questioning their existence, I got to this point where I was like, is this, is this it? I started getting really nervous. Like I would kind of have anxiety attacks about it. Like little mini anxiety texts every once in a while. I was like, is this, is this the life I want? Is this it? Is this the part? Am I ever going to have sex with anyone else again? Like that was a big one. That was a big one I kept thinking about. And I don't mean that as a slight to him. I just mean that as that's a natural thought to have. And I thought I was like some evil monster for having it. And I would like try to shove it down because I was like, this person's perfect on paper.

I love his family. I love him. I love the life we're building. I could see the future so clearly. But it's just something I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop thinking about it. And I never, I never cheated on my ex-boyfriend.

But I definitely had moments where I felt tested and felt very just overwhelmed and very like, almost claustrophobic in a way. and I don't even know how to put it. It was like really suffocating. And it was really difficult to go through because I was like, Emily, you cannot implode this thing that is your future, that this is your life, this is the person you love, you cannot do this.

And there was not like any specific scenario or anything. I'm just saying in general, like, and I could not allow myself to even entertain these thoughts, but I was getting really restless towards then. I just decided that the best cure for me would be just to squash it down. But little did I know. Now I'm almost certain that he was probably having those same thoughts.

Yeah, I think it's, I mean, I remember saying to you, because I mean, you never did anything wrong, but I think that you were like, am I never going to get attention from another man? Do I never get to, like, flirt with another man? That's a scary thought when you're 29, like, this is it. Even if the sex is really great with your current partner and you love them, it's not personal to them at all. We're all independent people. We're allowed to have independent feelings. And I said to you, I promise you, he's just human.

He's having these thoughts too. And you're like, he's perfect. He's this perfect person. He's an angel. He never would. And I think that we all think that about our partner. But like internally we're all human and I think it's hard to accept that just like that it's not that he wasn't enough.

It's just that like you want other experiences. Everybody does. And I also think that being a woman and this is probably an energy thing more than anything else. But I started noticing that like I wasn't really getting attention from other men anymore. And I was and I didn't think I needed that. I was like I have everything. I mean I have this thing that everyone else wants.

Like I have this amazing relationship. Like why the hell do I need this dude at a bar to hit on me? I don't. But there was a part of me that was like, damn, I really miss getting attention from guys. I miss being able to flirt with guys. Like, do I still have it? Like, what's even going on? Like, is this part of me just completely turned off for the rest of my life?

And then I marry this person. And then I'm 60. And then I look back. And I'm like, that was it for me. That ended there. And that was really, really scary. Had you ever thought about bringing this up to him before he kind of beat you to the punch, I guess?

Like, had you, I mean, that sounds, that sounds really harsh. Like, had you thought about talking to him about it? Or were you, like, you just shoved it down? I have, I mean, I have extreme anxiety. Severe anxiety. No one's more anxious in the world. Literally no one. I promise.

Brain knows. It knows no balance. Oh, my God. It's cute. Sure. It's really fun. It's fun for me. I love it.

I love it. I think anxiety disorders is cute. Leave me alone. Okay, she's cute. I'm saying she is cute. She's cute. The anxiety is not. It's a big fat monster.

So in short, no, I was so scared to bring it up. Yeah. There were like times in our relationship where there were more serious things to be brought up. And I just feel like I let him lead because I was so, I don't know how to, I was so just, this is it. Just like don't do anything that could rock this boat or ruin this for you. I had, I mean, the person I dated prior to him, the only other relationship I had, if you even want to call it, that was like extremely toxic and extremely mentally abused. so going and then going from that and then dating a string of guys that were like so wrong for me. I was just like, this is it.

You cannot do anything to fuck this up. And I was just scared to bring up any issues, to be honest. I relate to that feeling because I remember feeling like with my fiance, like, this is this wonderful person who's a great teammate to me that I trust and he's so hot. And like, we do have fun together. And he treats me so well. Like I remember thinking like, what is so rotten about me that this is like not enough? It would be enough for literally everyone else. But like, we weren't having sex, really.

And I didn't really enjoy anything he had to say, to be completely honest. I didn't find him that interesting. But I kept thinking, like, everybody else wants this. Everybody else wants this, like, super hot, really nice, fun partner. And I fucking got it. Jackpot. And why can you just be happy with this? Why can't I just be happy with this?

Like, what is wrong with me? I mean, I remember there was a moment. Like, I mean, I guess I'm going to say this. But there was a moment where I was sitting and we were like having dinner. and he was telling me about something to do with his company, which is in the cryptocurrency space. It's not something I personally care about. No one with the vagina cares about it.

And I was trying to talk about these cool new restaurants that were opening. And I was, I like had this really kind of come to Jesus' moment. I was like, we are like really different people. And were we always like this? Like, was it always kind of hard to like sit down and have a conversation that each other enjoy? I was just like, I don't want to talk about what he wants to talk about. he doesn't really care that much about what I want to talk about. I guess this is normal.

I think that your ex was really smart and nice and kind. And even after, right after my ex and I broke up, I went over and hung out with the two of you. And he had great insight. And I do think he has like a lot to say. But you guys did seem to sort of live parallel lives, if I can call it that. Like he didn't really want to like be a running mate to you. I mean, I can't put words into his own mouth.

But you guys didn't socialize the same way. And you didn't seem to have the same interest. And his life was exciting because you. You made it exciting. But I don't know if you guys at that point really had the same interest anymore. I think that's, he was really supportive and just so supportive of everything I wanted to do. And in every way was a big cheerleader for me and so wonderful. But that doesn't mean that he was the person for me.

No, it's funny that you, I was talking about with a guy friend of mine. His name's Oscar. He's like a newer friend. So he doesn't like know me in and out like my close friends. And I was, he was like asked me what I wanted in a partner. and just I was explaining that I really want someone who like is, you know, really doing it. And they're ambitious and they're successful and they're on my level. And I don't feel like I'm masculine in them and all the stuff.

And he was like, well, what if you just had somebody that was like just really like, they weren't any of that, but they were really supportive. And I go, who cares? And the way that he looked at me and laughed. He was like, Ashley, I was like, I don't need it. I have so much support. We have all our best friends. Yes.

I don't need. the like stay-at-home supportive boyfriend. He was like, I will never forget you screaming. Who cares? Like, there's so much more for me. I want to be challenged and excited and like crazy amazing sex. Like supportive is great. Yes, that too.

But like, don't get it twisted. Like I think some people like, he's so supportive and he loves me and he's just like my best cheerleader. It's like, all right. You know, who else is really supportive? My dad. My mom's, my mom is great. Yeah, me actually. You know, it's funny.

You see that because I was on our friend Ali Colbert's show and she's like, what are you looking for a partner? like I want somebody who's like ambitious and like really fucking doing it and fucks the dog shit out of me. And she was like the way she, I was like, she was like really high standards. And I was like, yeah, I do. And until I find it, I don't need anybody. That's, I don't need it.

Yeah. But I think I wouldn't go back to somebody said Emily, because I think a lot of people that are with somebody for a long time, whether they are in their 20s or 30s or 40s or 50s or whatever, like have those doubts. And it doesn't, I think some people have them and they're fleeting because they're natural. And I think then they come around and they're like. like, no, I love my partner. And this is like what the life I want to live. And I think probably what you dealt with was like it just probably just kept coming up. Like I don't, I think we all

of that voice inside of us. And like I don't, I think a woman, especially an intuitive woman, like it won't quit. That's, that's exactly it. And I feel like I did a lot of convincing of myself. Like I convinced myself over and over again like this is normal. You know, getting a little bored is normal. Feeling a little restless as normal. Like I didn't know what was normal and what was really worth validating and exploring. And I was too scared to even explore it or consider it to really go down that path. So I just kept telling myself that it was normal. And, you know, listen, at the end of the day, we all settle. You settle for someone. You choose that person. You grow with that person. They're going to have drawbacks. They're going to have issues.

You guys are going to have to work on things. But I had chosen my person and I had decided to settle. And I'm pretty fiercely loyal like that. Like I was like, okay, this is it for me. And even though I'm having these thoughts, I'm going to squash them because this is normal and we're going to get over it. It ebbs and flows. When you've been together for six years, you've experienced several ebbs and flows at that point. So I just thought it was another normal phase. It wasn't. Spoiler alert. Yeah, I mean, I think the best thing happened to you. He like made the decision for you. I mean, I know it hurt, but like, thank God, right? I mean, I would have, and I'm being so honest here, I don't think I would have ever. I think I would have cheated on him before I would have broken up with him for

Absolutely you would have. I mean, I don't know, I'm not you, but I also like, I feel like I remember like feeling like my wedding was like staring down the barrel of a gun and that like I was just going to have to like carry this person forever and the sex was going to be mediocre. I wouldn't have left him if my life depended on. I would have marched my ass down that aisle. Oh my God. I would have been divorced in the year.

I would have learned about cryptocurrency for the rest of my life. He was the first person to explain NFTs to me. My friend. Every once in a while, you know. you hear a situation like this and both parties are having those doubts and then they go out into the world and they reunite and come back together. I don't think that's going to help with you guys. That's not your person. But like it can go so many different ways. And I just think people that are having those thoughts, especially in their 20s, like it's so normal. And so basically,

as like we've touched on, what ended up happening was I was having these thoughts, these doubts, everything we've discussed. And then he beat me to the punch. And he is the one who broke up with me. And I was completely blindsided. I hate overusing that word. I think, Everyone thinks that they were blindsided in their breakup because breakups are. No, you are. You can say it. No, you are. But I really do feel like I was shocked and blindsided by the breakup. And I would have never done it. But it really did end up being one of the, I think, will be one of the best things that ever happened to me.

And I hate to, I feel like it's cheesy to say because it fucking sucks. It was the worst few weeks of my life. I have never felt less worthy. I've never felt more of a shell of myself. I have never felt that level of sadness. that feels like someone's literally like sitting on your chest and like will not get up because you can't breathe. But it ultimately ends up being a good thing almost every time I think.

I agree. And I think there's ego wrapped up in it too. You're like, how do you get to break up with me? Like I was going to do this first. I was the one having to help. It's like most humans unless you're just so evolved. Like it's ego. It's to get dumped.

Do you have broken up with? You're like, what? Like that is wrapped up in it too. With the loss of this life, with the loss of what you thought your future looked like, it's like, I got broken up with. Like, oh, you feel, it's like crushing. It's crushing. And then, I mean, I just feel like he kept repeating how much he loves me and how amazing I'm.

I'm like, then why the fuck did you break up with me? Yeah, why don't you make it worse? Like, what? Like, what? But no, exactly. It's like, you and I feel like there's a lot. So I had a lot of friends I talked to during the process. And I feel like everyone, everyone kind of brings their own personality to the table.

Like I had friends that were like, fuck him. Like you should be so mad. And then I had friends like Raina who'd been through it that were like really letting me lead with what my real emotions were. And what my primary emotion was was sadness, honestly. It was just really extreme deep sadness. But yeah. So that was in November. And we've moved on.

So when do you feel, do you have a moment where you felt like the smoke cleared, I guess, a little bit? Like you could like see the light through the, how many metaphors are I going to use? I love it. Let's train a couple together. You could see the light through the woods. No. There's a silver lining. Yeah.

Was there like a moment when you say, because it's hard to like go the blindsiding to begin with, I think. When somebody, the way you said it, I probably will butcher how you said it, but you said like he made this decision and he left me out of the conversation. Like was that the hardest thing to sort of let go of like how he did it before you were able to like ruminate over like now this has happened? You know what? I think I pretty quickly. moved on from how it happened because I think I quickly realized that there were issues and that it happened. It happened. I hated the way it happened, but it happened. I'm never going to be the person that dwells so intensely on the idea of closure or the idea of how it happened.

There was no point at that point to analyze it because the conclusion was the same. We had broken up and I had to move on. Like I didn't want to get back together. I didn't think, you know, I, of course, for the first few days, I was like, I would do anything to have him back. Like, I miss him, I want to be with him. But then pretty quickly, I realized, listen, I was having these doubts too. So instead of dwelling endlessly on how it happened and driving myself insane with the details and some of the things he said during, you know, the breakup, instead of doing that, I just, I was like, the story might be different, but the ending is the same. So let's just move on. I love that quote. And also, you know him and he didn't sit around and think, how can I

fuck her up the worst way I can. Like, not everybody knows how to handle her. He's not everybody knows how to handle a breakup of this magnitude. It's like, it's tough. Like, I'm not siding with them or whatever. I think, you know, I'm sure it could be handled differently. It's not my place to say. But like, people get so wrapped up in that. And it's like, if you really knew this person, if you really knew their heart, do you really think they did this to hurt you? Do you really think they wanted to handle it in a way? Like, there's no perfect breakup. Like, do you really think they, you know, I think, didn't you probably feel like he did, he did the best he could in the moment? That's, that's the perfect way to put it. Sometimes I tell people that I think that if you have a breakup

after one or two years, it almost might be more difficult than a breakup after six years because I know this person. We had a relationship. We had an arc. We had a climax. And then we had an ending. I'm not left wondering what could have been. And I know this person in and out. And I know him well enough to know that he broke up with me the only way he could because I knew that it was really fucking hard for him too. For sure. And I know that he hated the way he did it. We talked about it afterwards. Like weeks later, months later, we definitely, we had a conversation over text. We haven't seen each other or anything since. And I just was like, I'm not going to sit here and be like, I never knew this person. Like, I'm just not into all those dramatics. Like, it's just not the way I

wanted to view my breakup. I was like, this person that I loved, that loved me, left me. And I know he isn't trying to hurt me. I know he cares about me. He literally lived his life with me for six years. He's not trying to fuck me over. He just needed to do this thing that honestly, I needed to do too, but I never would have. And he had the clarity and honestly, frankly, less emotional bandwidth. than me so that he could just do it this way. That's how he had to do it. Uh-huh. I think some people were like, did I ever know this person? Where they just a liar? They had all the stuff. No, sometimes that's like not the answer. And I don't, I'm not sympathizing with him at all. I fucking hate how he did it. But you can hate how somebody did something and not hate them as a person. And that's how I felt about

my ex too. And I don't think it was easy or fun for him to like burn our whole life down to the ground. I think he like was young and made a very crazy snap decision. But we didn't speak for years when I finally spoke to him over three years later. He said, I have thought about this constantly every week for so many years. I hate how I did this to you. I cannot forgive myself. And like so much of our conversation with me just being like, I forgive you. Yeah. You know, I'm fine. I'm doing fine. It's not fun for them either. Right. Like there, no one's winning here. Like it's not happy. It's not easy. It doesn't matter which role you're playing. It really sucks for everyone. And I don't think I'm going to view my entire breakup through the lens of like the week or the day,

truly the day that the breakup happened. I'm not viewing my entire. relationship through that lens. Like, I had an amazing, loving, like, caring relationship. And I will always cherish those years that we grew up together. And I refuse to, like, tarnish it with, like, the one day that he fucked up and really broke my heart. Like, yes, he broke my heart, but it needed to happen. And I'm never going to regret all our time together. Like, I think it's possible to still really love this person. And I still really do. But I just, I just, I just, I. I just knew kind of immediately that my only choice was like to go through the pain and deal with it because I didn't want to get back together. There was no way to manipulate the situation into my favor.

I wasn't like, how do I win him back? Like, what do I do? It was more like, how do I like mentally get through this and pick up the pieces and like move on? Because I still have to live. I still have friends and a life and a job and I have people who count on me. Like, how do I do that? So how did you do it? I would say I gave myself.

self, none of this was like regimented. None of this was something I thought about. It just ended up going down this way. I want to say like, I don't think there's any right way or wrong way to process a breakup. I think it takes some people longer. By the way, I'm still processing, just so everyone knows. I'm definitely never, I mean, it's not over it. But I would say like I would say for the first few weeks, I really let myself kind of walla, but something really beautiful and special happened to me, which is that about a week or two after the break up. I was sitting my parents' house and I signed the biggest contract of my career. And it was just a really amazing moment for me that I was like, I'm going to cry now. That made me cry the contract?

It's so on. It's just like, it's so validating. And getting that contract in my email, I remember, I mean, it was a horrible day. I was crying that morning. But then I signed this contract and I was just like, this is it. Like life moves on. Like, I'm going to be devastated, sad and crying in my mom. robe this morning and like signing the sick contract this afternoon and that's life. Oh. So you did all the things. I told you like I kept saying to you like you've done all the things you're supposed to do with your life so that your, your primary relationship isn't the only thing in your life. You have built a career. You've all these friends. You're so close

with your sisters and your parents and you've traveled and you've all these hobbies and interest. Like he wasn't the only thing in your life and like you've done such a good job at that. And it wasn't, it wasn't intentional. I wasn't like building this life in case. something were to happen to me. But I will say the single most important thing, the single best thing that I did unintentionally was have a really strong and amazing group of friends and obviously family, but family you're born with,

friends you cultivate and you make friendships. And that's probably the single best thing that happened to me. Like the way my friends were after my breakup, the way I knew I had people to talk to and rely on was just, it was just next level. I never felt so grateful. It was the true silver lining, the light in the tunnel. You're welcome.

Clearing through the woods. You like really fucking did it. You like found an apartment right away. It's like pretty great. You had friends go look at apartments for you because like good for you for having friends. We'll go do that. You know, I walked into one of those apartments for you and I was like,

she's not going to make it. I was seen pictures. I was like, that's on the street. I could tell. And it's like, what's the catchier? I was like, it's on the street. No, one was like. like literally subterranean. Oh yeah. It's like below the street. It's like below the terrace level.

It was really scary. So this is this is rat city. It was like murder tape around. Yeah. I was like cool washer and dryer though. But who's going to live here? There was literally like Raina was like making the real estate dude like lay down in the bedroom. He's like, well he was like a queen back and fit there. I was like no can't lay down. I'm like, no can't lay down. He's going to be in here, sir. Absolutely. A twin bed at best. I was like laid down the floor. You show me. But you just fucking like handled your business. And I remember telling Ashley now she's like, she's a woman. women just do these things. That's how we roll. But I mean, it just, it goes so much to show like, I mean, you know, we can hammer about like building a career and stuff all day. But like, you were just building your career because that was you're going to do regardless. It just, it's like that moment, like the contract thing is just so fucking awesome where it's like, I'm going to do big things. And it starts now. It was, you know, it's been in the works.

Exactly. And so it's something like I thought that a lot of, that resonated with a lot of people and something that a lot of people kept repeating to me, whereas like, I just wish she had done it sooner like you spent so many years together. And there was definitely a lot of me that felt like I was robbed of my 20s and robbed at the time all my friends were having so much fun and like bucking all these guys and I was just watching. And I was, you know, I did feel robbed of those years in a way. But it's okay, we're making up for it. Yeah, you are. I just, I don't, I disagree. I think we talked about this. I disagree with those people. We, we talked about this. I think Karina, maybe in New Year's or something like that where I was like, no, like, how cool you got to

be with this person in a time when a lot of people struggle, you know, like you're so like, broke in your 20s dating so tough, you know, like, I think it's so special that you got to really have like a stable, nice time and all the while building this career with someone by your side that was super supportive. And then you're like coming out of it at fucking 29, making money single on the streets, dating, you know yourself better now. Like you've got to have this solid partner during the years when people don't know themselves and they are letting themselves get fucked over and they're dating all these terrible people. Like, that's how I view it. I think you have a solid foundation through a time that was like you really needed the support. It's like a tumultuous

time and I'm telling you right now, I don't think mentally I would have been in my at like 24, 25, it would have been equipped to handle the New York dating scene or anything of that nature. Like, I just didn't know myself. I wasn't confident. I didn't have any money. I mean, I was literally a minimum wage line cook when I was 25. But it's not, I mean, it's not all about money, but it really was a special, like again, the contract and just in general, this career that I've built, knowing that I could get myself a place and knowing that I'm a place and a place in my life where I know myself, I've built this group of friends, I've lived in New York for five years, I have the ability, thank God, after so many years of struggling, to get myself an apartment, all that stuff.

It really, it happened the only way it could have. If it had happened just one year earlier, I would have had to, like, maybe move in with my parents or like, exactly. It's not about money, but that's when we talk about money. It's a financial stability, independence career. I would have been a drastically different scenario. Yes. And how many of us have never truly been loved by somebody who like really cares about us,

who's truly a partner who like has gone into their 30s thinking like every little thing is just acceptable and they'll take whatever scraps a man or a woman will offer them? Right. Because they've never really been treated well. And that's something that he said to me even in the breakup. He was just like, you're welcome. It was he was like, it's going to, well, I like I said, I came, like I started dating him in a pretty broken place. And now I know what love is and I know what I deserve. And now I am reentering the dating pool. And it's like, it's not scary to me because I'm just like, well,

it's not scary for loads of reasons. But part of it's because like I know what I deserve and I know what I'm willing to accept and what I'm not willing to accept. And I have that kind of like, I guess, self-respect for lack of a better word and, and have an example in my life of how I deserve to be treated. So let's talk about reentering the dating scene. What that's been like, well, you're laughing. I'm not going to put you a blast. say whatever you want. Well, okay, I have a burning question. Listen, guys, Emily's been on these streets and she is like, it is 10s only, it is just, they are all ages. Emily is an icon. I can't hype it enough. I can't stop talking about it. I talk about all the time. Like, I'm like,

who's on the going out tonight? And that's, and that is how I feel like we started to bond more. Like, we were side texting about who she was going out with. Like, I live for this. This is like, it appeals to me so much. And Emily doesn't care at all. Suddenly day she went out with somebody. She's like, is a weird part of this baseball. cap this date. I'm going to have one drink, take him home. You're just, you're just really doing it. Like, it's just like, the first guy by that one guy, he was like

fucking 50 and hot. And then the next guy's like 24 and a hot. Everybody, they're all across the mouth. We have names. Cuban daddy. Human daddy. It was the hottest. So, okay, I have a burning question. The first person you slept with after the breakup. Did you have a moment or was it okay?

It was the best night of my life. At the best morning. You guys saw me live. Did you blow some in the shower? She was live tweeting her whole Friday morning to me, and it was insane. I didn't hear from you all night. So, okay, like, I love to hear that because I think people freak out. Like, again, everybody's different, but like, some people have a moment we're like, this isn't my ex, I don't ever, Emily was like this, but.

No, I didn't, first of all, I mean, I was definitely drinking, but I think I did it when I was ready. I think that's, not that anyone's out here asking me for my advice, but that would be my advice. Like, I didn't do it before I felt I would be ready for something like that because I can see how it would be horribly emotional and really sad, especially if it was like the wrong person. It just felt icky and weird. I didn't do like a whole bunch of bedding or anything.

He was just hot. He was, but ironically, still in touch, still friends, still going to see that person. I just felt like it was really liberating because that was a big part of why I was so restless towards end of my relationship. And so I did feel like, listen, a lot of stuff is shit right now. And there's still a lot to be figured out. And I don't even have an apartment yet.

But I can live out these fantasies and have some fun. And like, that's the silver line. How many times are we going to use that metaphor? I mean, the metaphors in this episode are just off the chains. No one uses more metaphors than during a breakup. So you say, all the advice people give you are these like cliched metaphors. That's all you get. That's because they like, why they need to be.

I love them. We're going to do a mash up. metaphor. That's what we're going to do for the clip tonight. No, yeah. So you got dick down and you were like, this is what I've been missing. It was, it was like a great experience. I really liked the person and it was just fun and light. And here's the thing. We can hypothesize as to why. I think part of me is like still not emotionally super capable at this moment. But I also just feel like I don't, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I, dating is literally so fun when you're not looking for anything. Go off. That is, I'm having.

so much, I can't even stress it enough. Like I'm having Bella smiled over there. Another post-breakup dating scene queen. Icon. Icon. If I did go out with someone that I felt like I could see something with, sure, but that's legitimately not what I'm looking for. I think your attitude about this has been so great and so fun. You're not dating because you're like, there's this giant hole in my life and I got

to find my next husband. Like your attitude about it has just been so great. I'll go to a bar. I'll try it. I'll try it out. The amount of dudes you've had to like back off after the day. Emily is just like breakup text after breakup text. But I think that you've been like really open and honest with every person in a really beautiful way.

I've watched you say to people like I really had a lot of fun. I'm just, I'm not ready right now. And that's it. People are really cool about it. They're really cool about it. I haven't had any super shitty experiences yet. And I'm also pretty honest with people.

I was actually talking about this with Sunday, the guy, Sunday. Okay. It's very young. 24? The one you wear a baseball cap with. 24, 26. 24, 24 was hotter. I don't know. I think I'm into 26.

No, remember he had the face. Okay, but his body. Which one has the legs? 26. We know why. Well, we know Bella. Bella has a type. I have a type too, but anyways.

I just have loved watching this like journey for a long of a better term. You just have had such a good attitude about all of it. You're just like having fun. You're not like, what are we? What does this look like? I feel like what I used to happen to me a lot after my last most terrible break. up was like you come home from dates and you're like, this is what's out there and you're like crying. I have not heard you have one of those experiences.

Of course, you might one day and we all have those, but you've just had such like a casual. This is just for fun. I'll find it when I find it. I mean, I've gone on bad dates. I went on a date with so short, the catfish. No, no. Well, remember the nurse? He was a nurse and said he lied about going to an Ivy League school.

You went to an Ivy League school. No, and there's nothing wrong with a male nurse at all, but like I, listen, I, I'm I'm going to make some jokes here there. And I said, Emily is a 10 and she's out here dating a balding nurse. And that is dating in New York, everybody. Oh, my God. I'm not with a balding nurse, but Emily deserves me. It was so hot if he just shaved his head like Dylan.

Oh, my God. He was so hot. I mean, duh. But no, anyways, the point is something I said to the one of the guys I was seeing was that. And also, can I make it clear that I'm not like out here just seeing a billion people? You're literally dating like a normal person. I'm just dating and having fun. Like you're really just living like the sex in the city lifestyle.

Like you're going on dates and you're like hooking up with people when you feel it's appropriate. You're doing what everybody does when they want to date. Also in between that, I do think you really have been processing the breakup. There's been plenty of nights where you've cried and you told me you were crying two days ago. Like there's been plenty. Like I don't think you're trying to like stuff down your feelings with other dudes come. Like I think that you. She's really taking it there.

She's really going for it. I think that you are like taking the time to process. this, work, see your friends. And like, this is just another additional hobby. Getting decked down by nurses. It's just part of it. Nurse and digging down. Of course, no. No. No, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was an abort mission. The baldy nurse could not get it. No, that did not work out. I only broke up with him too. I'm trying to give you credit that you're not like, it's not like, I'm just going to fuck the little world and not process this. You are like really processing this. You're doing it all. I think it's, yeah, you wash and dry.

in my new apartment with a washer dryer. No, but that's, yeah, that's an important point. I just feel like because there's, I don't know when, I don't know what it means to be over it. I don't know when I'll be over it. I know that there's a lot of processing left to do. I had to deal with a lot all at once, like with getting a new apartment,

furnishing a new apartment, getting back on the dating scene, processing the breakup. And I'm still in the throes of that. And there are some days where I cry and I feel like I've regressed. Like I have moments where I will call like Raina. And I'll just say, I feel like I'm regressing or I feel like something's wrong with me because I'm so sad this week and I've been so okay. But it is just been part of the process for me.

There's no finite endpoint. Like I said, it's just a new normal. So I'm finding the fun and the excitement and the happy moments in between. I think that's amazing. And I think that you know yourself and you're self-aware. And I think if you're like maybe the dating is not making me feel like it should, then you would take a break from that. You know, like maybe if you're like, I need to not date this week and I'm just going to like, Peloton and work and do this, like you would do that.

Do you know, like, text Ashley about Peloton? Yeah, it's just, you know, let's just, that's what's the cure. I'll text you after, Ashley. Yeah. Just do that same Swiss Beets ride over and over and over. Oh my God. I iconic, the best ride I've ever taken. If you guys were ever in a bad mood, the Swissbeats ride.

I co-signed this because I don't belong to Peloton. I mean, I just think you're, you're doing so well. And I love that you're honest of like, no, every moment is not thriving. Like, I'm going to sometimes, do you have a couch yet? The couch came. Thank God. I was going to say no one's ever

talking about the couch for. Okay, first of all, no, Raina talks about her couches, her freaking white couches all the time.

Yeah. So don't even, don't even give me that. So sometimes you're just going to sit on your new couch and be upset. But like, you're moving through it

and I think you've just done such a wonderful job. And that's really all I does it. Thank you. Yeah. Well, we just, like, loved your insights

and we've wanted you on the show and our listeners have for a long time. And we really appreciate you sharing the story and such an eloquent way. and we just really love you. I love you guys so much.

Thank you for having me on, and I really hope that this helps people. I think it will. You just speak so well about everything. I know. Breakup queen. Stop, thank you. Or a breakup queen.

Tell people everywhere that they can find you, your website, your Instagram, if you want to plug anything else that you're doing. Yeah, for sure. The best way to find me is on Instagram at Food Lovers Diary, lots of food, lots of pasta, lots of carbs. You can find me on my website,

www.emilyfedner.com. I also have a pasta pop-up in private events company in New York City. So if you want to follow us, that's Petit Pasta Joint. It's also in my Food Lovers' Diary bio. We're going there this Saturday. This episode will have aired. So we're doing... It's a surprise.

Bobby and Aziz engagement party. Izzy's doing it for Bobby. Yes. It is my... Listen, I'm my favorite thing to do. You're never going to... You're going to be sold off the rest of time. But it's my favorite thing I've ever done in New York.

Like it's just this family style, incredible Italian dinner in an old Italian pasta shop that Sarah Rufetto owns. Yeah. Speaking of which, Ruffetto's is so iconic. I also thank you, Ashley. We use Rufetto's pasta. Refettos has been around since 1906, even when we're not having pasta events because, guys, we only do a few private events and maybe one public dinner month. So it's a little jammed up at the moment. But Sarah is at the store five days a week.

You can always get fresh pasta at Rofetos. My favorite was all my Christmas guests for Ashley's family. my God, they like just came along themselves. I didn't know you did that. Did I know? It was so nice. That is the cutest most sweet gift. Yeah.

Well, we love you. We're so glad you did this. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me. And you guys know where to find us. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com for everything. New merch is live and get those Toronto tickets via our website. Follow us at Girls Got to Eat Podcast on Instagram.

I am Ash Hess. Raina is ran down greenberg. Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter. And we will see you next week. That's it, guys. Have a good week. Bye.