Girls Gotta Eat - The Art of Maintaining Friendships, Partnerships, and Your Mental Health with Almost 30

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

We're so excited to welcome some of our fave fellow podcasters -- Krista Williams and Lindsey Simcik of Almost 30 Podcast! We're chatting and laughing about friend fights, weddings, being catcalled, and more, but also going deeper on topics like anxiety surrounding getting married/losing your identity, moving across the country to be with your partner, and handling family and friends when they judge your decisions. We're also discussing comparison (why we do it and how to manage it) and overcoming body insecurities. Before the ladies join us, we discuss massage preferences, Halloween costumes, and rescue dogs. Enjoy! Follow Almost 30 on Instagram @Almost30podcast and check out their website here. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Considering donating to the Animal Lighthouse fundraiser. Thank you to our partners this week: Buffy: For $20 off your Buffy order, visit buffy.co and enter code GGE. Hello Tushy: Get 10% off + free shipping at hellotushy.com/gge. Daily Harvest: Get up to $40 off your first box at dailyharvest.com/gge. Candid: Go to candidco.com/gge + code GGE for your risk-free starter kit and $75 off. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I was like, what the fuck? Like, shaved her whole body. Shaved my whole body. Because I was like, what is all? I literally was like, what just happened in this bathroom? I was single for seven years. The whole body. That was seven years of hair.

Yeah. Yeah. Episode of Girls Gotta eat. Welcome back. Oh, bye, Azul. Just like, got him and ran away. He was like, your voice is loud today, bitch. Get out of here.

He did. And he just looked back at it. He was like, shut up. Could you please? I mean, he's and quiet. He's so cute. Now he's next to me

where he likes to be. It's sunny. Sort of. And cloudy. Are we ever going to see the real sun again? It's like bright but not sunny. I don't know.

I feel like we just have that one nice week of fall. We, right now, I guess we're back from a little tour. We hope you guys had a blast. We're recording before we head out.

But I'm sure it was just wild in Minneapolis, Denver, and Phoenix. Thanks for coming. Yeah, I'm sure it was great. As always, you guys know with it. You're listening to this on Monday. Ashley and I are at a spa.

Oh, yeah. We decided to finally treat ourselves. We're on a couple's vacation. After going so hard. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, again, we're recording before we jet out. But this is probably like this was or is, whatever tense you want to listen to.

One of the last times where we were going to like do such a hardcore, like, what, five shows in four days. And so we just wanted to relax a little bit. Yeah, so... So we're getting a couples massage as we speak. We don't like the same type of massage, though. No, I just like regular Swedish. Honestly, if somebody wants to just give me arm tickles, like, I would do that for 90 minutes. I hate it.

If somebody wanted to get on the bed and just tickle my arm for 90 minutes, I'd be like, this is not enough more. If you guys know me, picture my face while somebody is lightly touching me. I'm just... I cannot. I have been in massages where I'm like, what are you doing? Like, back in the day, maybe when I was like in Atlanta, I would just be like, I'm just, you know, kind of sore,

whatever reason I'm going to book a massage. Like before you really know, you have to be like deep tissue, restorative. I want you to get in there. I have to ask you a question because I really don't enjoy that. I hate it actually. Do you enjoy it in the moment or do you enjoy how it feels like long term? I'm genuinely asking because I really, really hate it. I mean, I just don't care so much about like light touch.

I guess I just don't like a massage is not a relaxation thing for me so much. It's like certain needs to serve a purpose. Like it needs to work out whatever's going on in my body. Like I like to relax in a spa. I do like a sauna. I like certain forms of relaxation. It's just not like light pressure. Okay.

All right. Like I start to be like and I don't like facials. Okay. I mean not that kind. I don't know. No, but I just kind of, I'll get a. I'm here and there, but I'm just not a big, like, touch all over me, gal. Okay.

No, no shock there. I've never had a facial. I like a Swedish massage. That's how I treated myself this weekend instead of going to the Bahamas or Miami, like I, that I was maybe going to go. I canceled all that and I got a massage. It was very nice. Like, I like to be feeling like hundreds of dollars typically. They're so expensive, especially here in New York and feel like it made a change in my body.

I wasn't just relaxing. But also, that's fine if that's what you're into, like you are. That's a good point. Yeah. If I spend all that money, I do want to feel like I gossiping out of it. and I sort of meditated while I did. So that's nice. Yeah.

Just want to say, and we'll thank you guys even more, but the last few episodes have really exploded. And so many of you've shared this with friends. We've gotten so many new listeners. So if you're new here, we have a great website. You can always visit, girls' gotipotcast.com for all the episodes, if you're interested in a specific episode topic.

And all of our merchandise has been restocked. So you guys really stormed the store and everything sold out. So we have restocked the entire store. So check that out. Ashley's wearing the cute. My love language is being right. Heart, crop, gray hoodie. It's so sick. I love it. And you guys really love the tie-dye sets and everything. So check that out at at GirlsGuddypodcast.shop. Everything is back in stock. Yes. You guys are incredible. Last week, like I just never really felt like closer to our community. Like that was such an

episode of more Raina being like really honest and vulnerable. But I guess me too and just kind of shooting the shit. And it was just so us having a conversation and we kind of threw it together. other. We didn't know we were going to do that and it was the highest downloaded Monday of the whole year. It like broke up record. So it makes me really happy and so much support and such a good reminder that the large majority of our audience is just so incredible and so supportive. And I just felt like so warm inside about it. Yeah. I want to like absolutely piggyback off what you said and give a personal thank you to all the people that messaged me, emailed me, DM'd me. I was very stressed out about last week's episode and really nervous to announce that I broke up with somebody.

And typically, you guys have heard me say this before. I don't really like to talk about personal private things right when they happen. I like to marinate on them and think about how they feel. And I didn't really have that luxury this time because we were going on tour. And I wanted the shows to be an honest representation of our lives. So I was really nervous and stressed out. I was extremely nervous how the show would be received mostly by Kane and people that care about him. And I can't. I cannot. We'll talk about a later. But yeah, you guys were so wonderful. Thank you for all your messages.

You were so supportive for sharing your stories with me and telling me, you know, if anything Ashley and I ever say inspires you, it always is really a special important thing to me. And to us, I am doing okay. My mental state, like I am fine, you know, and I, two o'clock in the morning came to listen to the episode and said it was great and thank you for everything you said. And his sister, you know, said that she listened to the episode. And that was really what I was concerned about. So that alleviated that stress.

and I'm doing fine. I love you guys. I really appreciate it. And a lot of you shared with me that you've been in relationships that were hard to walk away from because the person was so wonderful. And another thought that I just wanted to share

was that if you're in a type of relationship like this, you should be proud of yourself for just picking a nice person. And I think there were hard on ourselves after breakups. And of course, I've had bad days. And I've sat around my apartment and thought, like, I'm so lonely. This apartment's so empty. And I think what you should find solace in

is that you picked a good person for your life. and somebody healthy for you, and it was a good decision. And feel some comfort and confidence in that. I love that. And I laughed earlier just because this breakup is so hilarious to me. Like, not the breakup and like people be... Not like people being hurt,

but like the way it's been handled. Like, Raina posed this Instagram story, which was honestly a great shout out to me, which is why I loved it. I said to Raina was like, I love the part about me. But like then Kane reposted it with this love, long thing about Raina. At this point, if you guys

were the shows, I probably roasted it a little bit. In like the best way. Like, it's the funniest breakup to me, because it's like so mature. And it's kind of like what celebrities have to do. They have to like make a statement. Like, people were invested. You know, honestly, hundreds of thousands of people were invested in your relationship.

And it's just funny. Kane's Instagram story was like, I love Raina. I'm so proud. It was just like so funny. I saw it. I was like, what is going on here? Okay, so all these people checked in on me, and I got all these messages that were like, no need to respond.

Like, I'm sure that you're not too high. Someone died. Like, no need to respond. Your friends, they're more your friends. They checked in on me, my friends, obviously. One of my best friends from home, Figgins called me, and she was like, I just want to, like, know how you're doing. And I, like, launch this whole thing.

I'm like, I'm fine, we're fine. You know, we talked about this. It's ambicable. We love each other, whatever. And I was just like, you know, I care about him. It's hard to walk, whatever. I said all these nice things. and I gave her a long speech and she was quiet

and then she goes, what the fuck did you just say to me? Yeah, it's so funny. I mean, listen, like we all love like Jared's at a breakup where you all go to brunch and you're just like, yeah, talk shit. And it's like, I don't have anything to talk shit about. So people are like, what?

Yeah, it is very mature. It feels very fucking weird. It's just, it really cracks me up. It is so funny. Like, I'm not mocking it, but it's just like, I've never seen it. Like in my close circle. You know what I mean?

Like, I love the brunch where you shit all over the person. I know, we too. and I don't have that opportunity. We don't get to do it. But she would have done something terrible. So I could, like, lose weight. He still could. I'm just kidding.

Yeah. He's faking you out right now. He's going to start the, like, cancel crusade, too. But him and I have talked and we're fine and everything's fine. And you guys are just so wonderful. So thank you for love and support. Thanks for being invested in mine and Ashley's lives. I really echo what she said.

I've never felt so connected to this community. Love you guys. Love your stories. And thank you for sharing everything and wanting to support us. And that's it. And you guys were just so nice and kind about my rhinoplasty reveal from last week. Also, I plugged my TikTok last week and I did post the reveal video from the reveal. Raina was there.

She's commentating the video. You can go cry along with me, guys. It's real. I still cry when I watch it. So it's on my TikTok, Ash has. And you can hear Raina commentating through her mask because this was like still like months ago. And it's really cute. I'm like crying.

Raina's crying. It's really special. So go checking out. Ash has on TikTok. and listen guys. Someone, Kate Kennedy actually, who I bring up every episode, she had a friend that she said listen to episode

and like post breakup and like really resonated with her. And she just was like, this really helped me today. And I was like, that's so great to hear. But does she know, is she a like new listener? Because we have so much more breakup content out there.

So if you guys are new somehow and you got introduced to us recently, which is funny because it's just been like us dicking around. We are really good at breakup content. this podcast really started kind of after my breakup and Raina had a broken engagement. And so we love breakup content. And one of the very first episodes, this was in 2018, was called How to Recovery from a Breakup, like right now or something, how to get over a breakup. And then we had Amy Chan's episode, which was early 2020, 2019. It was in the fall of 2019.

Breakup boot camp with Amy Chan. Yes. Sorry. And the blindsiding episode, which was. I feel like I know this based on what happened. But October 2018. Yeah, so we have all this content. If you guys just are new to us,

and that was your first taste of our breakup content, lucky you, because there's a lot more out there. It's my favorite topic. Guy Winch also last fall was fantastic. This is all the website as well. You can look. And all of those guys have tons of resources too. They've books.

They have great Instagrams, a lot of YouTube content. So, you know, just check them out. You can find them through our website. But you guys love breakup content. We love giving it to you. Matthew Hussie first episode, February 24th, 2020, which I know that date because I just looked it up for something, whatever. That was really great of like how to kind of, I don't know, I don't want to say improve yourself, but kind of what you can do when you are feeling so

heartbroken post-breakup. So anyway, it's just our favorite topic. We can't talk about enough. So there's so much out there. And speaking of our guest today, we have Lindsay and Krista of almost 30. We love them so much. We can't wait to get into it with them. We're talking about like friendships and relationships and all kinds of stuff. One thing I have to ask you, Raina, because I meant to address this up top because we mentioned a place that Lindsay used to work. And I did want to tell people like exactly what it is if they're not, you know, they don't really know New York. But then I was editing it and noticed something else.

So Lindsay says that she used to work at Bounce, which I don't know if Bounce is still around. It's basically like a boogie sports club. Yeah. It's, I mean, no artist. Okay. So what do you think she said she did there? I thought she, whatever she said, it was like a nickname for like the Bounce Sats or something. a cocktail waitress. Okay. Because she

says she was a bottle girl. Oh. I thought she said something. Okay. Okay. Okay. I wanted to work through this with you. She says she was a bottle girl, which is like, she brings bottles to people. She's a cocktail waitress. You know, you take care of people that buy bottles. You do the sparklers, the whole thing. I think you heard ball girl. Yes. I heard ball girl. That's right. You guys, this episode was weeks ago and well, that will be relevant also later. But you said it once. And I thought you just said bottle really quick. And then later, in the episode, you guys will hear it. I'm not going to cut it out.

Raina says, ball girl really hard. And I was like, did Raina think that like the bounce ball girls? She's bringing balls to people like they're playing basketball. No, I thought, you know, sometimes like, like different, like we call our listeners snacks. I thought it was like the bounce

ball girls. I thought that's what's called their staff. Yeah. I'm pretty sure she's the bottle and you heard ball, but now it makes sense. Bounce ball girls. Okay, I thought, because a ball girl or a ball boy is something that goes like retrieves the balls balls in a sport so i was like what is rayna picturing i thought it was a play on the name and that's what they call their staff cute okay

i like it i love a play on words because you and it's so hard and um one more guest i want to plug because i can't let a whole episode go away without not without mentioning he was jared freed um we will get the full fart in a room analogy i think i know it okay so yes last week rana watched Jared's fart analogy. We have a brunch scheduled, me, Raida, and Jared. Emergency brunch. October 24th.

It's on the calendar. I think it is, is when you say something, it's like farting in a room. That's what it was. You know, you can't like take it back. You can't take it back.

The fart is out. The fart is out. The fart is out. So you like fart in the room and then you shut the door and the person has to sit there. No, here she goes again.

And you're a hot box of it. So we'll get that. I think he said it on one of our episodes. Oh my God. People are like so excited that the three of us are single right now at the same time. Like we're going to have a big orgy or something. Someone DMed all three of us and they were like the three of you are single at the same time. What did Jared say?

He was like it's like the, hold on. He would be happy if we would say this because he said he thought it was a funny joke. And we didn't respond and he followed up to be like, hey, that was a funny joke. He said, he said, well, he said, Well, I'm sorry to hear about the relationship. No breakup is good news. I'm only happy that we could all align like an eclipse that only happens every couple decades for the amusement of the audience. So here we are, guys.

Enjoy it. I mean, you know, I'll stay single forever, but Rayna and Jared may not. People might want to date them. I think we should normalize, as we discussed, living on a commune with all your friends. I'm trying. I'm trying to have like, and not in the same house, but like five different houses that we all come together in a communal space. That's my dreamer. I was my dream. Yeah. Okay, a couple things. Boston holiday weekend, Halloween weekend.

We are dressing up, dress up. So we're talking about just doing dress up Friday night, but we don't want to deprive you guys on Thursday night. So Raina and I are going to dress up both nights. Whether we stay in the costume the whole time, we're not sure yet because they're going to be pretty extra. But dress up. I don't know how many people will dress up with you. So I feel like maybe more people will dress up with you. So I feel like maybe more people will. would dress up Friday than Thursday. I don't know, regardless, feel comfortable coming. Nothing too giant and crazy that you could be like hiding a bunch of weapons under it. I think they're probably going to... You know what I'm saying? Like, you can't just come in wearing... Like, you can't wear something.

I actually didn't say don't bring your weapon to be clear. She said, don't bring something big enough to conceal your weapon. No, like, I'm just saying, like, it makes... You fit your gun in your cat suit, then bring it? No, it makes me nervous. to have like a situation where people are wearing like masks and stuff like that. So like Halloween can be scary. People are like wearing masks.

Like I don't I don't want it. So be cool about it. Be chill. Be cool about it. Don't. Don't wear a mask. Don't come in too scary. Why is your bar for scary?

Like don't come dressed. It's like Kylie. Like in a scream. Covered in blood. Like in a scream mask. A scream mask. I don't want full mask. Okay.

All she's saying is we're a black leotard. With mouse here. Yeah. I'm a mouse. Why are you so scary? That's my favorite quote. When Karen looks at, she's like,

why are you so scary? Listen, wherever you guys want, okay? Just leave your guns at home. Oh my God. No fake guns. No, don't come with being like somebody that's...

They're bringing guns. I don't know, like a sexy cop or sexy... I did do sexy cop for years. Guys, I feel like no one is understanding me right now. Halloween can be like are the climate, it can be tense.

So be too. Climate can be tense. Everybody just dress up like me and Raina. More Ashley's friends, more Rayna's friends. Okay. So, yes, just wanted to give that PSA because you guys, a lot of you been asking. So do you?

We are going to incorporate people who dress up at the show. So keep it in mind. It might be just a full-blown Halloween show. We don't fucking know. Boston's going to be wild. Wild. Absolutely wild. Oh my gosh.

What happens after? Might be wild too. don't worry about it. I actually might be wearing a different costume after the sluggier costume. Come, wear your Halloween costumes. It's going to be fucking lit. I can't wait. Halloween weekend.

Yes. Holiday weekend. Another thing I want to talk about, something is very close to my heart. And this is dog rescuing and adopting. You know, it's something I feel so passionate about. I've always adopted Dewey and Azul. Our family always adopts dogs. And as you guys know, the story with Azul, I got him from Animal Lighthouse, which is a rescue based here in New York.

They also have a shelter in Puerto Rico and Dr. Lisa, who is my vet and just like the person who helped me the most throughout Dewey passing. And just she's a close friend. She's been on the show is the vet, kind of their staff vets. She helps them. She volunteers. This organization is completely volunteer based and they just do such great work. The founder's story is really special. She basically was in Puerto Rico and saw all these dogs and he had homes.

And she's really worked so hard to bring these dogs to New York. Azul didn't come from Puerto Rico. He came from the south. They get some dogs from the south too. Because, you know, people in New York want dogs and we don't have a bunch of strays running around for the abundance of reasons, a lot of it being like spay and neuter laws, but just that's not what it's like in New York to have a bunch of dogs in your backyard and whatever.

Bottom line is they get some from the south, but mostly from Puerto Rico. Again, they're called Animal Lighthouse. And I can't imagine my life without Azul and without them. I mean, they just found me the most perfect animal. He is the like love of my life. I mean, second love of my life. But he is so important. I love him so much. I cannot imagine my life without him. I am forever indebted to them. You know, they let me take him and I didn't even have the full commitment because we were traveling that I was supposed to have to foster, but they let me have him anyway. And they let me just like sit on this decision. And Lisa, everybody was so supportive of my decision. It's not ideal for a new foster to just keep the first dog they adopt. You know,

they want you to be like fostering. And, And that's not really with the goal. And so they really let me kind of, not break the rules, but not be an ideal candidate because I found this dog that I love so much. And I have them to thank. We all have them to thank for bringing Azul into our lives. And they are really struggling right now. They struggled due to COVID.

And again, you know, I'm not going to hide. What I really don't want to do is like throw other rescues under the bus while I promote them. But there are a lot of shady rescues out there. There are just, if they all are giving dogs like, you know, dogs that need, homes, that's great. The goal is the same, but there are a lot that really operate in a shady way. I had interaction with this one owner of a rescue that was one of the most bananas things I've ever experienced. She's a fucking psycho, and I'm not going to name that. But like, there's just a lot of, it can be a weird world. It can be a very for-profit world. And they could not be more legitimate.

I mean, there's other amazing legitimate ones in the city. We've talked about hearts and bones, muddy paws. Like they're, most of them are great, but some of them can be really shady. And again, if the goal is the same, but like if you're going to donate to one, just do your research and find one that really is the goal is just to save the dog's lives. People aren't trying to make money off of this. I mean, you know, if that's your job and you're making a living. But I'm saying, like, there's not a bunch of people that are filling their pockets with this cause. And they just do such amazing work. I mean, you were on the call when we, we did a, I was talking to her in the car coming back from Short Hills. And it's just, they have it a wonderful story, totally volunteer

base. Like all every penny goes to saving these dogs and getting them here and taking care of them. I I mean, when I got Azul, you guys know, he's got some teeth issues. They were like, we will make sure that he's gotten a full dental before you, like, are responsible for him should you decide to keep him. I took him. He got those couple teeth pulled. They took care of him. They spruced him up because he just came straight from the shelter in South Carolina.

The vet bill was $1,800. And that was discounted because they, they worked with that. They paid it all. Like, I don't even know how, like, I wonder how they even get by knowing that they do that. They want to take care of everything. They want to present you with a dog that's healthy and that you aren't going to have to pay a bunch for when you decide to adopt. And so I'll try to wrap this up, but we want to help them raise some funds. Guys, I feel so passionate about this. If you want to support dog rescue, if you feel like you wanted to make a donation in the name of Dewey, now is the time.

We will post the link. I will tell you it right now. You can go to alrcares.cares.com slash save the dogs. that is Animal Lighthouse Rescue, which is ALR. So again, ALR cares.com slash save the dogs. And there'll be a list of donations. Anything you guys can give, really, like, if everybody gave $10, we could literally, like, save them for good. Like, give them years of operation costs. Like, they operate on a really tight budget,

but they do have to get the dogs up here and they do such good work. So I'm just, like, begging you guys. This is my one plea for a while, like, to donate what you can for this cause. And again, like, they're at risk of possibly not being able to go on, which is this is kind of like a last thing. We want to help them. And we'll post the link everywhere.

I'll probably put it in my bio. I'll put it on my TikTok. And just give what you guys can. If this is a cause you support or you support our show or you love Azul or you love Dewey, I really encourage you guys to just go over there and make a donation. And they rely on people that want to donate. I mean, they had this one donor that was the one that was donating the plane to fly the dogs back

and forth. Like they kind of depend on people like us that want to make a difference and save dogs lives. So again, ALRcares.com slash Save the Dogs and you guys will see all the info there. It's going to be a picture of result. It's going to be really cute. I've been helping them work on this. So just please, guys, I hope that you choose to do it and I really appreciate any and all of your support. Please, guys, check it out. And we will put, of course, a link that you guys can swipe up into. We can't swipe up anymore, but you can tap it to. To direct you guys to it on all of our stories.

Yeah. All right, guys, we are so excited to welcome two very special guests with us today. They are the hosts of the wildly popular top lifestyle podcast, almost 30. It covers everything from wellness to spirituality, inspiration, and everything in between for women. Together, they have built an incredible brand. We are so excited to have them with us today. Please welcome to the show, Lindsay Simsick and Crystal Williams. Yay.

I'm not that with like a short bio. I feel like sometimes I'm like, Jesus Christ. It just keeps going. It keeps going. And then you're like embarrassed. You're like, oh, my God. I don't do that anymore. Literally.

We've had people read bios that were old and I'm like, oh, that's not me. But like, Crystal Williams of the 100 blog. Literally, one time we had someone be like, of 100 blog. I'm like, I haven't blogged in eight years. Oh, my God. They brought up my old blog about that URL doesn't work. Like someone's, like, it's just gone forever.

My old is. Instagram account. Well, we... Yeah, somebody tagged 100 Jew other day, and I was like, girl, hasn't existed any years. Did you get the notification? Yeah, somebody tagged Ashley and Girls got to eat something and One Hungry Jew.

I was like, guys, I disabled this years ago. Wow. I actually remember when you transitioned, when you made the announcement. I remember. It was a big moment. It was near us 20. 20 or 2019? I forgot 2019.

But we have been on your show before. We are going to go on your show again. And this is your first time on ours. And since we last saw you guys, so much has changed. Krista got married. Lindsay moved to New York. I'm just so excited to catch up with you guys. I know.

We just like, okay, let's remember the date and tell us everything that's happened. I think it was fall 2019. Final answer. We were in my new apartment. Oh my God. It was cold out. It was a little chilly. I engaged on that trip.

Yep. And it was October. Came back with Sean. Yep. And I met Sean and I reconnected with Sean on that trip and started dating them. Oh my God. Were they most like for you guys. I want to know so much about your relationship.

I just see what I see on Instagram. Like we're all internet friends. Like we're really friends. I'm not like texting Lindsay like girl what's up? How's that dick? Like it's not like. Totally. Okay.

Well, let's just do a quick update wellness check house. feeling you're in New York. You live here now. You live in LA. Just do like a just kind of a vibe check. Yeah. I'm so New York feels like such a vibe right now. It actually was like I was telling my husband because we used to live here. I'm like damn, it feels good right now. Like with everything opening up like he would move back in a second. And then the next day I was like, oh, get me out. This is overwhelming. But I'm married now and Lindsay moved to Brooklyn. So we did the podcast for like six years in LA together. We would be together 24-7. and now that she's moved, it's like I can now be with my husband more because I was,

I'm very independent. So I think I kind of put him on the back burner most of the time. And so I've been able to prioritize that relationship and really try and be a married person because I was so resistant to that for so long. And then Lindsay's been able to like be with her person here, you know. And yeah, when we, I got engaged that weekend that we had our interview. And Lindsay reconnected. Isn't that weird?

So weird. Where were you? I was at the one hotel. So when you got engaged? Yes. So my, yeah, my husband surprised me and came and then had like dinner with our friends and like surprise me on the roof and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? I had to say I wouldn't do it in public though, so I didn't make that clear enough. Wait, what did you say? It was in, it was in public and I literally was like I didn't want to be in public and I didn't make that clear. It's weird. It's like, do you, it's like, how much do you specify to the person? I think a lot. I should have specified way more. we should over-explain to partners like what that moment should be like,

what I like on my, on Christmas, on birthday. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I would have Ashley like fully plan it with my heart. Yeah. Right. No, it's my vision. Like, we got this. What's your vision? Well, it's obviously one of our shows.

Yeah. Happy, wait, I fucking love that. I mean, because I don't, okay, to me, here's, I feel like there's three levels of proposals. There's one-on-one private, just the two of you. Maybe there's a, someone hiding in a book. Saturday morning. Or could be on the beach.

You know, Bush. Someone hops out of a bunch throws the box to you. No, got to. No, document. You're like, you need to be arrested, I think. Or, like, middle is, like, friends and family. Yes.

And then third is huge audience. I guess there's a fourth tier, which is the theater of four thousand people. I, to me, it feels like it's the first or the last. It feels like we're one-on-one, private, and then we maybe go meet up with friends and family afterwards.

Or there's a huge, huge crowd. Like, I feel like 20 people is like antichlamactic. Totally. Totally. Totally. It's just like, it's weird because we are used to having people look at us. Right. But in that moment, it was weird. I like didn't want people looking at me. There was something about it where I was like, oh my God, I want to be just processing together and I want to be alone. So it was weird. I was like, everyone's looking at you to like react a certain way. Yes. And I don't like that when you're like, I'm supposed to be something or I'm supposed to feel a certain way. Yes. And I was just like, oh my God. So thank you.

God, we got the day alone afterwards and got to, like, be together. But it's like a lot. Like, getting engaged is not, it's like being married is the best. My husband is unreal. But it's also, like, a lot comes up. Like, I'm like, oh, I'm no longer this person that I was before. Like, it's a lot of growing up. Like, there was a lot that came up for me that I really had to, like, work through about resistance to like being a couple forever. But you guys were to get, so you guys were together for 10 years. Yeah. So it's not, so you weren't resistant to being a I was just into marriage, I think. Yeah.

This is like, for everything. Yeah, for everything. Where I knew it was forever. Like in my heart, it's always been forever. But just like I'm never going to be the same person. I'm going to, it's like such a chapter ending where I'm like, oh my God, single Christa, RIP or like girlfriend Krista RIP or like young Krista RIP. Like now we're married and eventually going to have a family.

It's like, whoa, these are huge parts of our life. And especially if you haven't had like a good example of marriage, like my parents was kind of rough. You're like, damn. I hope I'm not signing up for that. You know what I mean? Absolutely. So for me, like when I got engaged, all the negative stuff came up. I was like, I'm not just a girlfriend anymore.

Everything you do reflects upon me now. And every decision you make affects my future now and our children's future and our financial future. And so for me, it was a negative thing. And it can be. I mean, hopefully it's a positive thing. And it sounds like for you, it has been really positive. I love that, Chris.

I could like talk to you about that forever. Just the like, wait a minute. Do I want to be someone's wife? Like that's just how they like that. You know, because some people like that's all they want. They want to just be a wife. Like it's in their Instagram bio. Like they're like, I want to be one.

Wife to be. Yes. Like I want to be one with this person. I would be terrified to lose my identity. It's like I've worked so hard to be who I am. Yeah. And then to be like, it feels weird. It's like, oh, I'm kind of, it feels like you're giving it up.

And I've really had to like, you know, because you're, because I've never been someone that's like, we are doing this this weekend. I've got to check in with my husband. I've got to check in with my boyfriend. I'm very, very independent, which is really good, but also, like, like a trauma response probably. So it's like how could I like and I've had to do that in therapy like

it's okay to like be supported by someone. It's okay to like have someone love you and be home waiting for you and like make decisions with people. So it was like yeah it was just hard and I take everything seriously. You know what I mean? Some people were like whatever we're getting married.

I'm like what does this mean? What does this mean for me? Like it's like nothing is not overanalyzed. This is a death cycle. Yes honestly. Literally I'm like before a wedding I'm like man we slept together. And I'm like, man, I wish I would have had the place alone.

He's like, why I'm like, should I could, like, cry? And he's like, what? I just wanted a night off to, like, cry a little bit. He's like, okay. To mourn my loss of light. Literally to be like, I can't fuck anyone else anymore. Like, you know what I mean? Yes, even though we've been together for 10 years.

You're like, damn, it's never going to happen. It's like, what? I think we should normalize talking about it. It can be the best day of your life. and also the scariest day of your life. It could be something you're really excited about and also be like this sort of like mourning for what you're never going to get to be anymore.

Yes. You have these like weird visions too. I'm like, oh my God, I can never go to France and like fuck a waiter. You know, like never going to happen. Like weird shit comes up and you're just like, wow, but we've really had to make it our own and like really just be like it's okay to like love someone and have a partner and this marriage can be something

where I'm independent, where he's independent. And we're still doing our own thing. and it's really been a lot of work of, like, being vulnerable about that, being vulnerable about what we saw and just kind of, like, coming together, you know. Yeah. And how does, I mean, I thought it was interesting because Ashley and I have very similar relationship. We were talking before we started recording that, like, if somebody didn't,

if somebody was dating and Ashley didn't get along, it would be a problem because, like, Ashley is, like, the primary partner in my life. I know people think that's crazy when you say that. Well, she's my partner. She's my best friend that's who spent all my time with. And I mean, you're a new person. I don't care about you. Like, I've been with her for years.

I know. It was like a little touch and go there. For a moment, Rain and I had to have like a come to Jesus talk. I was like, I'm losing her. And like then it was like, oh no. I had this all wrong. Like no, she owns him.

She's like, no, you're still my number one. You're like, good. It's a judgment for sure. But I think it's interesting. You guys were talking about how like Lindsay recently moved. You guys lived in LA together for so many years. And how like you're sort of like re-learning how to just have a new primary partner. No, Lindsay's gone.

Yeah. I told him that. I'm like, I'm scared to count on you for everything because, like, Lindsay's like my home. Like, you understand, you know, with business, you understand every single person dynamic, every single thing they understand. And like to turn that attention to like a husband who's like, what, you know, is a lot. So I had that fear where I'm like, damn, you're going to be my person. I'm not going to have, I will have Lindsay, but it's not in that same way of that every day.

Support was like hard. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I think, and we've had a, not come to Jesus moments, but we've, We've had like some serious talks before the move. You know, I think when I was like really nervous to come to terms of the fact that I knew this move was right for me. And I'm like, whoa, I've never been so clear.

Like this is kind of scary actually. And then to think about, oh, this is going to change a lot of things. And not just in my life, but in Chris's life and in my partner's life. Like, it's just a big decision. And so, yeah, we have to have a lot of seemingly hard, but it was really. very meaningful conversations together about the move, about the fears that I brought up, you know, individually. Like I, my fear that came up was like, oh, like, I can't do what I want to do because it's

going to hurt other people or make other people feel uncomfortable. And one of hers was like that fear of abandonment, you know. And so I feel like we took taking a term where we're not going to laugh for a little bit. No, but it's real. It's like it was so real. And I feel like, you know, we've lived many lifetimes together. And I feel like in this, this moment and these moments together, we really felt like, wow, like how cool and safe it is to have these conversations to witness each other and support each other through these big changes and transitions. Like, what a gift.

Because both of us have had relationships with women in the past where like we couldn't be ourselves. Like we had to dim our light. We had to kind of be like, okay, like, I guess I can't live my life the way I want to because you feel uncomfortable. So it was actually really healing in a lot of ways and continues to be like as we figure out how to best run the business, keep almost 30, like really thriving and evolving. And then our friendship as well. Oh my gosh. I love that. I have a little chills. I mean, it's interesting to have a friendship that like is anchored by a business because like, yeah, I mean, Ashley and I've had moments for like, listen, I was kind of acting like an asshole. summer. And we're like, you know, we had to work. We had to sit in here and like sit in here and like, like, cry about it. Yeah. It was a rainy Sunday night. But like, you know, we were talking about, you know, like, if this was just a normal friendship, like, would we continue to be friends, like, after this? And we worked through it. And there is something just like so special where you're like, yeah, I like said my truth and I anchor down. You know me to way that nobody else is ever going to

know me and you can't walk away from this. And yeah, not everyone has that. And I don't know if I had that before. Yeah. You know, where it was like, if something came up, it would be like, oh, well, see you later. You know, like, you'd be like, I love you so much. But then, like, if you had issues to, like, come to the table and be really honest about your problems and then still love each other after is, like, freaking a thing. Yeah. I mean, yeah.

And people have to do that in every relationship. Like, romantic relationships. Like, you can't, like, just let that stuff fester. Rain is just more, we'll hold a little more stuff in. I say the second it bothers me. But, like, then it's not that one way is right or wrong. You know what I mean? Like, I might ruin a party.

but Raina, it's like, but I'll ruin a summer vacation. So who wins? Raina will ruin a season. No, but like, you ruin the battle, but I ruin the war. That's hilarious. And so you have to like figure that out about somebody.

Yes. What were you doing that was like assholy? I was a serious of assholy moves. But, you know, I will say it's sort of like a marriage where like, you know, you've decided to like legally be together. So you have to sort of anchor down and go through it. just so that like everybody can relate to this in general. Like it's not just business partners.

Like I think that Ashley and I have a profound understanding of each other because we have had those type of conversations. It is like the most special relationship I'll ever have. And it's because we have those type of conversations. And I encourage people to do that with your friends. Even when it feels like I don't want to be in this friendship anymore, if the core of it's good, if you really love this person, like stick with it because it's not comfortable and it sucks.

It's shitty to hear stuff about yourself that is not positive, but you're a better person for it in the end. But I feel like what we came away with is like, I misunderstood why Raina was kind of doing something she did. I thought it was because of her boyfriend. And it was actually stuff that was just between us, that like she had had some issues with some stuff that I'd been doing. And so it was like coming out in a way that I would,

why wouldn't I think like, oh, she is a boyfriend now, so things have changed. And it was like, I was wrong. Yeah. And you're like, it's about me? Yeah. You're like, it's not about the man? I had to reflect. Yeah, you're like, just kidding.

Don't want to talk about it. Right. Like, I was sitting here like, oh, for real, though? You're like, damn. It was such a good lesson and like, you just come up with a narrative. A hundred percent. Yourself. A hundred percent.

It's because of this thing. And then when you actually get to the root of it, you can fix it. Yeah. And that's so important. It's like this, and this is like the story I'm telling myself. Because it's like, that's a story that you're telling yourself. So it's like always in relationship being like, the story I'm telling myself is that.

you're going to abandon me. You know, when you move or like that, you have a boyfriend now and that I'm not your number one priority or I'm not your main priority. And we've had to learn a lot about like how to have those hard conversations because I was someone where like, if a friend was mad at me or we had issues, it's like, oh, we're done. Like I felt like that was it.

And I've even had relationships. We have another really good friend, Malana, who like had an issue with me recently and came to me about it, talked to me about it. And for me, I'm like, oh, we're done. Like, it sucks. Like, you know, we're done. But she's helped me learn in Lindsay too. Like, it's okay to be.

mad at people. It's okay to be upset with people. It's like as long as you're being honest and you're working through, like the love will be there. You know? Yeah. Because the narrative that you tell yourself is so specifically produced by your own trauma and everything you've been through. And like, Ashley has taught me that too, that it is okay to fight with people

and that you can like get through it. Because I am not, Ashley is more likely to be like this behavior is shitty that you're doing and I don't like it and I'm not. Like, I'm more likely to just swallow it and then just be mad and then the next thing you do is informed by this past thing you've done. And then I'm double mad at you. And Ashley just helped me to like realize like I don't need to live like that.

Literally. You're like I can be a bitch in the moment. It is liberating though. You know it's liberating to be able to say how you feel in the moment. I'm also similar to you like just practicing that where like I can still feel like I can say what is true for me and also feel like safe doing it where people won't run away or be like fuck you, we're done. You know, even in romantic relationships. friendship with Krista. It's like, it's been so healing, you know, because years and years of like, got to be the good girl, you got to be polite, you know, like all of that programming. Yeah. Krista, something that resonated with me that you said that I wanted to kind of pick back up is how

your immediate response and what it's, it's probably like self-preservation and it's just like to walk away. Like, oh, they burned me. I'm done. And sometimes you just can't do that. Yes. Or sometimes you shouldn't want to. It should be very clear and I think probably for you guys had this experience too where the past couple years I've had to get super clear

on like my circles it's like who is like core circle like who is acquaintances who is like colleagues like and I think in our industry it's hard because it's like you're cool with people you know we like get on the show

it's like everyone's cool but it's like who is like people that I fuck with in a way where I value their opinion all the time I'm there for them all the time like I expect them to bring issues with me if they have them

they expect that the same for me. And I've had to get really clear on that and be like, oh, you have the right to be mad at me. And like, you have the right to bring issues with me or you have the right to talk about me with certain stuff. And I didn't have that clarity before. And now that I have that, it's like made those relationships better. But it took a long time.

I mean, I think we probably all had relationships with friends and women that, like, wasn't there. And just it's hard to get to that clear place. And then also sometimes a friendship just runs its course. 100 years. Or someone does actually fuck you up. and the friendship should be over. Like, we say that all the time.

Like, I had a friend that we had a breakup after 10, 11 years, and it just, I don't miss it. You know, it just kind of ran its course. And that happens too. Yes. Isn't that weird? Yeah, I literally think about that all the time. I'm like, there's some women.

I'm like, damn, you're everything. And then it's like, dude, you're done. You're like, who? When I was getting married, I was 27 or 28, my bridal party, like two of the girls that would have, I would have a totally different bridal party. No bridal party. A lot. Yeah, no bridal party.

That's why I did no bridal party, honey. I was like, I don't want to. And, like, I felt like stupid being 33 with like 10 women. Like, girl. Yeah, we feel exactly the same. If you guys want to do that, live your truth. Live your truth. But over 30, I'm like, you know, 100% is all about me.

Like, pulled his fiance aside. Now they're married. But I was like, just so you know, I'm not about to be a brides. She's like, I just got engaged. Can I have a moment? No, like, we got to the, we were like at the bar, like, loose. Like, yeah, it was like within the week. It wasn't at Christmas Eve.

It wasn't at the proposal. A few nights later, I was like, I got to make it real clear before shit starts getting playing. I officiated the wedding. So I was like, I had a role, but I was just like, and she's young. So I was like, it's going to be me. And all these like 25-year-old. Oh, okay. 100%.

Well, I just want to say one more thing about the friendship thing before we move on. We did this a phenomenal episode with somebody named Nedra Toabab and she talked about boundaries. And one of the things that like we were talking about was friendship. and why it's so hard to say to somebody, I don't like this. And she's helped me to evaluate, like, what's the worst case scenario.

Because I think that's what always scared me and saying, like, what I think and feel is, like, that someone's going to, like, rip me to shreds. And I don't want to hear those things about myself and I'm so scared. And if you guys have listened to that episode, you know, thank you. If you haven't, go back, listen to it by her book.

But that was a really good thing for me to think about it. Because we have this idea of, like, who we're like, I'm this person. If someone's like, I'm experiencing you another way, you're like, what does that say about me? you know, as a person, it can break you. And I think it's crazy too, because you can, like, live your life and just be going around and then someone can have feedback for you and you're like, fuck, does everyone have

feedback? You know, does everyone feel like this way about me? Does everyone feel like something? But you have to, like, be willing. And I always would say it, but I would never do it to, like, hear people out with, like, that you care about me. What if you did it? And we were just, like, running around the same person as we were 10 years ago.

Like, I always say, like, I will look back at just, like, things I did or said. or God posted on Facebook, and I'm, like, mortified about it. I mean, part of it's just growth and growing up. But part of it is because you got feedback. I know, but that's that, I think it's the scariest part is it somebody will clash with the narrative that I tell myself about me. Yes, exactly. And that is so scary.

That is so scary for me that, like, I think I'm this like open, understanding, kind person and somebody's like, uh-uh, bitch, no, you're not. Yes. That scares me. I feel like that's rare, though, right? Like, it's just, you know, like, and I think the people that really love you and see you for who you are, probably feel the same way about you, feel about yourself. Maybe, you know, they don't think, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's just like nice to hear like how you come across

sometimes. Yeah. It's a, it's a privilege to even understand that. We should be able to kind of know what we, how we come across. I agree. And it's nice to sometimes get checked a little bit even if you don't want to. Like my, I'll just give a small eye. Don't we can move on for this. I was, my brother and I have had, you know, whatever, he's my brother. We know he's over 30 years. we've had issues. And he said something, I will sort of like be quiet when I feel like I don't want to address

problems, but I get a little, to go inside myself, I won't, I won't address it as much. And he said to me, I feel like you don't care about me because you don't tell me these things. You don't tell me that you're mad at me.

And I felt like I was keeping the peace by not saying anything. And the way he read that was totally different. And so to be able to like sort of like, actually like sort of check your own behavior through the lens of somebody that cares about you is interesting and important. It was like a very profound,

important experience for me. I love that. Yeah. That's why I think relationships will teach you everything. Like literally relationships are where like you get to know yourself the best. Like yes, silence, yes, being on your own. But relationships. It's like you were told or like you internalized that being peaceful would get you loved.

And like they internalize that like bringing up stuff gets you love. So it's like so weird that the way that we grow up really creates this perspective of like, oh, I thought that like us not having issues was love or us not talking about things was love. that was mine. You know, like, if you bring up issues, you don't love each other. And it's like just remembering that everyone has these, like, programming and perspectives that creates the reality or the story that they're in, you know. Absolutely.

Okay, Lindsay, can we hear everything about your relations? So you, because you said you met, like, reconnected. Yeah. Yeah. So we, okay, so we met like nine years ago when I was a bottle girl at Bounce on 21st Street. No, you did. Have you been? Yeah.

Have you been? Tell me about it. Yeah, of course. I lived in New York. You did not. You were not a bottle girl at bounce. Okay, listen, I have done a ton of coke in the bathroom. No, I mean, yeah.

No, I'm like, it's a flex. Like, I didn't know that about you. It's a flex. I was a bottle girl bounce for a year. A ball girl. Sparklers and all wore that American Apparel dress that by the time I was done wearing it was like, you know. On fire?

Very off white. Couldn't it be near open flame. Literally. But yeah, he would come in. He would come in with friends. and he was always different. You know, I just, like, felt something different about him. It freaked me the fuck out.

I will be very honest. Back then, he asked me out, I said, yes, and we went out on a date, and it was nice. But I just, I just was, like, very overwhelmed by his, like, clarity and intensity. You know, he's very direct. I even think back then, he told me he's, like, you are different. Like, I just really, I really like you. And I was like, what do you mean? You know what I mean?

Like back then, you're 25. How old was he? He's younger. So he's a year and a half younger than me. By the way, he didn't know himself either. But like I feel like he had more clarity. Than the average, 24-year-old. Yes, exactly.

So I needed the guy that was going to ignore me, that was going to like ghost me, confuse me, like, all those things. Because that meant that I shined. That meant that I was the good person and the dynamic. and it was actually hard for me to be the one that actually like, oh, I could grow here. I could really show up for this person. So anyway, we did a little dance over the years. He usually had a girlfriend, so we would mostly be friends, but every once in a while would

reconnect and hook up. And then during tour 2019, October, he reached out to me randomly. Like we hadn't spoken since I think March of that year. I just sent him an email. I was like, hey, thinking of you. like, how are you? And he reached out and he's like, hey, I saw that you were in New York. You know, I'm sorry, I missed you. Hope all as well would love to catch up soon. And I was like, I'm actually still here. So long story short, we grabbed dinner like the day before I went

home. Where'd you go dinner? We went to Charlie Bird in the Westville. Great. Great peck. Yeah, it's good. I remember you coming. You don't know if you came back and changed before you guys hung out, but I remember looking in the bathtub. I was like, what the fuck? Like shaved her whole body. Shaved my whole body. Because I was like, what is all? I literally was like, what just happened in this? I was single for seven years. The whole body. I was like, wow.

That was seven years of hair. Yeah. But I was like, well, he asked me to stay over. He's like, I would love if you would save her. I'm like, I have a flight in the morning. Like, I'm Virgo type A in that way where I'm like, things got to go my way right now. Like, I'm organized.

I need to pack in the morning. I need to get eight hours of sleep. Like, absolutely not. But I was like, okay, Lens, like, you need to just like drop a little. Get some day. Yeah. And so... Wait, hold on.

Guys, you're jumping ahead. Like, she did... They'd already even fucking for years. I'm saying like, did you go into the dinner as like things had felt different? Oh, okay, sorry. Did you go into his friends?

Did something shift at the dinner? I'm... Thank you. Thank you. I went into the dinner thinking that he was still with his girlfriend. Right. So no, yeah.

Did I wear a leather mini skirt and boots and looking hot? With nobody. Yes. Yeah. But yeah, I didn't know that he had broken up with his girlfriend. But earlier in that day for my spiritual babes out there, I got a ping. I literally got like the clearest ping that was like he has something to tell you.

And I was like, okay, that's interesting. Then at dinner, he told me he broke up with his girlfriend. And, you know, I didn't feel like, oh, this is my time. I just felt kind of like this weird piece. And we started talking about, you know, what we wanted in a partner. because I was like, well, what are you looking for? Like, what's important to you and vice versa? And I had had a glass of wine.

I was like, feeling a little bold. And I was just like, I feel like every time we talk about what we want in a person, we're really talking about each other. I like chills every single second. And he was like, he's like, you have never said that to me. And never been like, you know, like, he had experienced me as like rejecting him kind of over and over. He was always pretty like clear and persistent.

And I was like, no. But yeah, something. changed and it wasn't because he was single, although that helps. It's like I had grown so much. You know, I was just like, I felt like a completely different person than when I had first met him. And so I just had a lot of clarity around like what I valued in someone and I knew myself so much better. I felt like more, yeah, just more confident and peaceful. You know, I wasn't kind of this like bird running around the city. Yeah.

We talk a lot about the idea of soulmates that I don't really believe in it. You can meet different people at different points in your life that like mean different and could be your person then. But yeah, of course, when you're a ball girl at bounce, you wanted something differently. What, nine years prior to that or seven years prior? And yeah, we just grow up and want something different,

which is fine. Completely. So, yeah, we, and he was fresh out of relationship, so I don't think he was planning on jumping into it the next one. So I think he needed a moment, which I sensed and we kind of talked about, but I think like two months later it was like rolling. You know, we were like, okay, this is, this is serious and this is something that we really

want to like invest time in. And then COVID happened early that next year. And we were, I was in L.A. and he was in New York. Right. You're fully living in L.A. at this point for years, right? Yes. Okay. So we did long distance for a year and a half.

He actually came out to L.A. for three months during COVID to live with me. Oh, okay. didn't plan on staying for three months, but he did. And I think that was really important. Like, it was a foundational time for us to, yeah, have some, like, pretty intense conversations and, and just feel what it feels like to, like, be around a person all the time, rather than just, like, a long weekend here. And, like, I have a propensity to, like, want to control the situation in the, in the sense that, oh, I'm going to see him next weekend. Okay, so what are we doing? We're going to do dinner here. And we're going to, everything's going to be great.

perfect and so fun and lovey and blah blah blah and living with each other you it's not all the time you know so it was it was good i got a taste of like what it would be like and still we're together so i want to talk about like mentally what that felt like to think about uprooting your whole life leaving your business partner your best friend and new york and l.a you can go back and forth all the time but like what did that feel like to make the decision to like you talked about an episode about following your heart and how that sounds very like beautiful and you know um What does that feel like to you? Yeah, I mean, it brought up a lot, to be honest. It was pretty clear to me, you know, like I just knew that it was the right decision for me, for us, and I felt

nervous about really owning that. I spent many years kind of being that people pleaser of like doing what other people thought was best for me or best for them and kind of putting what felt right to me on the backburn or not in every situation, but I just had the propensity to do that. And so this was like kind of wild. I was like, whoa, it's clear. And so I thought about, I just started thinking about what everyone else would think of it, you know? Like, and I think that's what comes up. People don't tell you that. Like, when they're like, follow your heart. And then the reality is people are going to have an opinion. People are going to react and be affected and be triggered by your decision. And I say trigger with love because it's like, yes,

of course. Like, you know, if you are deeply in relationship, with friends and family, like, yes, it is going to bring things up in them. And I think with our relationship, as I mentioned, like, it brought up, like, her fear of abandonment and me leaving. And, you know, it was like really intense because I totally understand that. You know, it's like we are so intertwined. We're spending every day together. And so that was something that, you know, we had to work through, me working through the fact that, like, I wanted to like really, you know, own this decision, but also, like, feel so deeply that, like, it's also emotional. and sad and a big change.

And then a lot of stuff came up with my family. You know, there was a lot of, like, surface like, oh, yay. Is this the best thing for you? Do you really want to do that? Do you really want to uproot everything? And, you know, New York's not that great right now. And, you know, like, all these judgments. And I know it came from a place of love, period.

And I really, I was working so hard in therapy because I'm like, I don't want to take on what is not mine. You know, like all of that was not mine. What I truly felt in my heart was like, this is right. I know it's not going to be perfect and easy necessarily. But like I am, I'm ready and I know this is right. And so I just learned a lot through that process and the fact that I still have those relationships in my life and I'm still nurturing them.

And they have deepened and transformed because I stood by what I wanted to do. just meant a lot to me. Yeah, well. I think that that's really important to realize that a lot of the times the advice you get is just someone's own shit and their own internal experiences they're putting on you.

And when you move to New City, of course, your parents and siblings are going to be really well-meaning, but they're going to give you advice based on their own experience. And this is too soon, or think about it or maybe he should move here. Maybe you shouldn't be the one to operate your life.

It's a lot of explaining of yourself to others for sure. Yeah. Yeah, and I just caught myself on those moments because it doesn't feel good to over-explain. Do you know what I mean? Like where I was spending more time, like, just kind of going like this to my parents or like my family and just be like, it's okay.

Like, you know, and then I'm like, why am I over-explaining this? Like, I think they were, yes, you're right, they were kind of operating from that programming. Like, they got married very soon. They got, you know, they made all these kind of like quick decisions. And I think they're like, don't, don't do this. This is what I did.

I want you to slow down. So, you know, once we got over that and it just really taught me that like, especially with family, I think that we can take their love and concern, but also at the end of the day, like how we live our lives and like just the joy and the happiness that we create in our own lives is, I believe, what our parents want in their, in their core. I know there's a lot on the surface, but like at the end of the day. So I just try to live my life in that way. Yeah, and I think realizing that they are coming from a place of love and just like trying not to take that on.

I generally when I get judgment and people doubting my decisions, I tend, I feel hot just thinking about it. And my reaction is anger. Yeah. Like how dare you? I'm an adult and I'm going to, this is the right decision and this is what I want to do.

So my parents actually don't push back. They're like, especially now, they're like, you make money. We don't give a shit. Do whatever. And if you, if it goes badly, you're going to deal with the consequences. But like, if that were me, I would have to tell myself, like, they love you and this is why they're doing this.

No one's trying to upset you or doubt your decision making or your intelligence. But, like, I would have to, like, take a breather and not get mad. Yeah. I needed to, I needed time. I, like, separated myself a little bit. I just needed to, like, be in my own energy. Like, like, actually remember how I feel and what I think and what's true for me because their opinion just felt so, like, heavy. You know? And I was like, oh, no, no, no, I need it. So it kind of felt sad for a little bit.

So I was like, I need time away from my family, you know. Not that we were like seeing each other every day and talking every day, but I just consciously made that choice. And now we're kind of like reintroducing. I'm reintroducing myself to them. And you've made the decision and it seems like it's working out. You're also an adult. I think it feels nice to say to your family, like, I just want you to trust me. And I'll be fine. And we are also of a different generation, of a different life experience. I will deal with it. I'm financially going to be okay.

Emotionally, I might not be okay, but I'll deal with that as well. I've been not emotionally okay in the past and I've survived. You know, and I feel like Ashley a little less, but also sort of similar where I'm a little insulted that you're sort of challenging my ability to make decisions for myself,

but it does come from love. And also, I have trained my parents at this point. Thank you so much for your opinion. It's not necessary. I'll say it. Yeah. But also sometimes I swear like your best, friends. Parents like take family out of it, but like your best friend, like you, you too,

or the person that knows you the best, like me and Raina, you too. Like sometimes can show you things you don't see. Like when I, I don't care what Raina does. Well, if she was going to move that we'd have to talk about it. You care about everything I do. But I'm saying like, I know she's an adult. She's going to make her an decision. But sometimes I feel like it's a matter of being like, here's how I see it. Have you considered this yet? She did that with me with Azul. Like I feel like I, she had to show me, I feel like it was a weird time in my life where I couldn't trust my gut in a weird way. And like my people that knew me the best had to coax me into making a decision. It's not it's different. It's an animal. It's not a relationship. It's

not a move. But like I've never felt like that in my life where I couldn't make a decision. My gut was all over the place. I was sitting with it. I was trying to decide and I actually couldn't. And I had to like almost say like these are the people that know me the best. They love me. And I don't know what's going on, but I feel a little clouded and I needed clarity from like the people that knew me best. So I feel like sometimes. People see when you can't see for yourself. It's like important. It's so important, you know, and to remember and remind people and we'll do that in business. Like, sometimes we're having a decision about something. And I'm like, I feel like you're more clear on this. Like, let's go with what you think. Like, I feel like I'm coming from a place of like whatever. Like,

let's go with what you think. Because it's like having a partner is for that reason. Having relationships is for that reason so that you can be like, oh, you're seeing when I can't. Yeah. You know. Well, we wanted to talk to you, Krista. You did. So Lindsay did this solo episode. about kind of what we just discussed following your heart. And you did one recently that we just love the topic of so much. And basically kind of like comparison is the thief of joy kind of vibes, but it can be good sometimes. I don't know. I just want you to like speak on it because we loved everything. I loved that quote comparison. It's like I remember a friend from New York said that years ago and I was like, oh my God. Now I'm almost like I think expectation is the thief of joy too,

almost even worse. But I had been in a period of deep comparison. I think we all go through that where every, you know, every once in a while, we're just like, all I'm doing is comparing myself, like, whether that's in business or my body or my relationship, like, and especially with a wedding. Like, wedding is like, you're getting inspiration, but you're also comparing. You know, I'm comparing how I look. I'm comparing how much money I have. I'm comparing all of these things. So I was in this, like, deep period of comparison. I was like, I need to talk about this. Like, same with you guys. Like, anytime I'm really feeling something, I'm like, I need to talk about this. So when I was, like, doing research, I was like, I kind of want to understand what's

happening in my brain when we're comparing and like why exactly we do this. And actually comparison is like, it's actually really important because our brain prefers it and it helps us make sense of the world. So when we're little and when we're growing up, we're actually taught to compare. So you look at someone, you're like, this person is tall, this person is short. Essentially that's comparison because you're comparing, this person is tall compared to the rest of people. This is person is short. compared to the rest of people. So it helps us really live in the world when we compare. So it's hard because we go in this place where comparison helps us be safe, it helps us be loved, it helps us be part of a community. And then we get online on social media and we're presented with millions and hundreds or

however many thousands of opportunities to compare. And it's just overwhelming for our brain. Because it's like we've never really in history had this many opportunities for us to compare all parts of our life. So our brain is like doing its best to filter and sort. And then what happens is we add on the stories of comparison. So for me, it's like, say I'm comparing about my body. You know, I had body issues in the past and still in my life. So through my lens of I will never be thin enough, I'm applying the comparison. So we have the comparison of our brain naturally and then I apply the filter of like maybe

I'll never be thin enough or maybe I'll never be happy, whatever. And I was also realized in my research that, which is like literally like three articles, it's not like my fucking doctorate of research on comparison. Yeah, I was going to ask for the book rack. I keep saying, I'm like, you guys with like a few articles. that women are more likely to compare, which I think we all know that, but women are more likely to compare and women that are codependent are more likely to compare. Women with anxiety and depression are more likely to compare.

So I felt like I'd seen that pattern of women that are deep feelers and super empathetic and kind are more likely to compare because that's like part of our nature, nurture evolution. And so I just did an episode where I was like really talking about it from a real perspective. And when I think we apply like the research of understanding that our brain prefers and likes to compare and it's normal, we can be like, okay, this is, it's okay. My brain is doing this and it's okay. And then we can think about ways we can support ourselves in the process when we're like in a spiral. I think it's really natural and normal. And I mean, look at the four of us. You know, we're two female led podcasts. And, you know, I look at what you guys do. I think

it's so phenomenal. We hired your website designer. You know, your brand looks really beautiful and amazing. And I think it's really easy to look at other people's businesses and say like, They're doing more than us. They're doing better than us. It looks better than ours. Just in general, like other people's jobs. And it's easy to really spiral. And I mean, for me, at least, it helps me to harness those feelings just by saying like,

okay, I can respect what other people do without it making me feel bad about what I do. And also, I can push harder and I can do more. And that helps in business, not as much with my body. But, you know. I know. Well, what do you, what have you found? Like, what do you just, do you shut it down? Are you like an unfollow or just like?

No, I'm not an unfollow. I don't really follow people that, like, trigger me in that way. I'm not following Instagram. I don't either. Yeah, they're not usually in my, yeah. So I just, at any time that I am triggered, it's like of comparison. So my, and we always have to look at like what we're comparing. Because we're not, like, if you're not comparing, I'm not comparing someone's house right now.

I don't, I don't care. That's not my thing. So we have to remember, like, when we're comparing certain things, it's because we care. And it's because, like, that's from our lens of priority in our life. So mine's like body, mine's like business. Mine's like success. mind's alignment, like when people are super aligned with what they're doing. So always just taking note of like what we compare on is really, really important.

And then always checking it and like, do I feel like I'm aligned? Like, do I feel like I'm living my life to the fullest? Or do I feel like I feel good in my body? Do I feel like I feel good in my business? And then kind of going back and like taking responsibility, like, how can I either use this as inspiration to see that as an example with you guys? Like, it's so inspiring because it's like there's other women in this space that are like leading the charge that are so successful that are doing all these things. Like, thank God,

we have other people paving the way. So checking in, like, why you're having the feelings that you're having. And then it's like, how can I encourage myself or build my own self-confidence so that that's not triggering me to see where I'm small? Because right now it's triggering me to see where I'm small. It's like I'm small where I don't feel like I'm confident in my body or I don't feel like I'm confident in my business. And then you work on that in therapy. You can take time off social media, I think, is really big. You can do like reparenting. You can do subconscious reprogramming work. And then just find more ways to love yourself.

And it sounds stupid, but it's like when you feel whole, like these triggers of comparison don't come up as much. And I'm sure for you guys, the more confident you are, the less you compare. Oh, yeah. And I mean, for me, it's always just been business, career, I guess is the more appropriate word. Comedy, stand up.

Like people that are in my same space, but doing it better or doing it more. And it used to be before we like hit this point, tipping point of success. It used to be so much more. And at worst points, I just was like, I need to mute that person, even though she's my friend. But it makes you, it does, you're, you're so right and like take the positive out of it. Like, what is this saying to me? Like, this person's doing way more stand up than I'm doing. What is that telling me? I need to do more. I need to get out there and do, like, that's what it's saying to me. You know, like,

I love that you said, like, I don't care about people's talking houses. But maybe if you started to care, you would reflect to be like, hmm, do I want to buy a house? Like, why am I feeling this way? So, I mean, everything you said is just so spot on. I feel like you just like wrote out like exactly how to manage it in a perfect way. Especially for women. Like we both have similar audiences and it's like, I mean, it's not easy. Like, you know, and I think the number one thing is like pulling up and being like, what's happening here?

Like what's happening after I'm online for social media for an hour just scrolling? Like, how am I feeling? And I think we kind of just are so used to it. We're so used to feeling down on ourselves and comparing and being sad about our lives. And I've been there. but it's like how can we like pull up and be like, okay, wait, I have control over how much time I spend online, how much, like, how I'm going to deal with these emotions or how I'm going to deal with these feelings and really take action because when you're in that state of comparison,

like, it just, there's nothing worse because you're totally disregarding all the gifts that you've been given and like how special people are and how unique people are. I think my number one thing thing is like whenever I'm like, oh my God, that's between like them and God. Like that has nothing to do with me. You know what I mean? I'm like, yo, I don't know. what's going on. Because we don't know what's going on too. Like everything online could look dope and beautiful and all these things. We all know that. But like, dude, shit could be wild. Oh, God.

Especially in people's relationships. Yes. There's like nothing. Nothing. Not that people relationships are looking on the service are all fake. That's clearly not the case. But like there is, you never know. I completely agree. But it's huge.

And yeah, I think since like taking time off social media, just seeing where I'm like small as like a guidepost for where I want to go next has been like so helpful. Well, when people, like, when people write nasty comments, they're jealous. It's like the, it's got, it's the primary emotion. Not always people sometimes are saying something that they're trying to, whatever, make a point. But like, when it's just straight insults, snark, it's just jealousy. And it's so much woman on woman crime on the internet, you know. And so some people handle it, they handle it so opposite.

You know, someone can look at you guys or look at us and be like, I wish I had that. And then they write something mean and nasty. And then the other side of it is someone that writes a compliment and sends more positive energy out into the world. And those are the people that are going to thrive in life. Like you're just, if you are unhappy in your place in life, but you're dealing with it with just like insulting other people out of jealousy, like, you're so far from where you're ever going to get to the point of the people that you're envious of. Yeah. And it's like it's robbing that person of the experience of like actually discerning, oh, this part of. of this person is something that I desire to embody more.

But instead they're like, no, let me like put them down. Right. Allow me to put them down, which is like, in essence, putting themselves. You know what I'm saying? Yes. It robs them of that opportunity. Yeah, I'll never forget. We have a friend that was like one time we were hanging out.

And she said, I said something that another friend of ours was doing. She's like, oh my God, kind of was like super judgmental about it. And I'm not saying this story to like void myself of this shit because I definitely get jealous and say shit. But I was like, that was so interesting how she reacted. And then months later did similar to what this other person was doing that she had judged and became super successful. So it was like she had noticed something in someone that like she wanted to do and judged herself and the other person for doing it. But it was really meant for her. And like became super successful.

So I was like, oh wow, that was an interesting guidepost for like where she wanted to go but like didn't know how to see it. I guess. Right. You know. The body stuff is the stuff that really like takes me down the hardest and has my whole life. And I think that's pretty normal for a lot of women. They can relate to it. But I had this moment where I went to the doctor recently and I got weight and I'm 20

pounds heavier now today than I was when I moved to New York. And I would say I was the most miserable and unhappy with my body back then. And I've always been hard on myself 20 pounds ago. I didn't think I looked great. And women are so tough on themselves. And I just think like even 20 pounds heavier than I used to be, men still want to fuck me. people still want to be my friend.

I'm so confident. I still go out. But I have suffered my whole life of like nothing fits. I don't even want to go out. I feel like I want to have a temper tantrum because I don't like the way I feel. And working out has been such a help for me because at least I feel like this is what my body is supposed to look like. And I'm trying.

And I feel good mentally. I'm doing all I can do. I'm doing what I can do. And being skinny, I mean, I'm thin. I don't think that I'm not thin. But being rail thin didn't make me any happier. And not eating didn't make me any happier. happier and didn't make me a better partner, better friend, and get me better lovers.

So I just try to like check him with myself about that because Ashley's so confident. I just, I haven't always been. Yeah, of course. I remember that when I was like below my goal weight and I was like talking to my guy friend. I was like, you know, so stupid. You're like, oh my God, five more pounds. And he's like, yo, you've been saying that forever. I was like, damn.

That's what we're talking about. Feedback. No, I was like, damn. That's a good one. It's like something a guy could probably only do because they're like, dude, you've been fucking talking about that for ever. Living in that world of only five more pounds and then I'll be happy.

It's like a terrible place to be. Girl, I've been there. I've been there my whole life. I was like, yeah, I realized I was like, I'm not happier. Like it was, it was fucking wild to have your whole life being like five more, whatever, whatever.

And I was like, damn, this has nothing to do with how happy I am. You almost, I had to get to that point. I'm like, oh, whatever. It's really like such an inside job. But yeah, the weight and body stuff is like a huge way that we compare. It's like, I mean, it's the worst.

And I just, so much of it is just knowing that it's edited, it's face tuned. And then also like the way people look at a certain angle or in certain photos. Like it's what you see isn't the real bodies. Like everything's retouched. Like I was, you know who did such a good job was we were talking about Lady Gang was a Jack? She posted like a- She's the hottest person a lot. Yeah, this beautiful like model body. But she posted this like, here's my, here's lighting and retouching and here's without.

it was like really real. It was, you know, cellulite. It was all the things. I was like, everybody has this with the exception of like Kendall Jenner and like the actual supermodels. Like you ever see a photo yourself and you're like, holy shit. Oh, who is that? Then you see a photo of some celebrity that was taken from a terrible angle on the beach with

the sun shining right on them. They look the same way. Like mirrors are all different. Like everything, I think it's like the knowledge. And when you're young and you don't understand that and you're looking at magazines. and when I was a kid, I just was obsessed with models because I was so tall and so insecure. So I just had to tell myself, like, but these models are so tall. So I was like obsessed with models.

And then, but you didn't know when you were younger that it's been retouched and that their skin doesn't really look like that. It's just kind of like the knowledge is power, I think. And I don't think it should be illegal to retouch your photos. I think we just have to know that it's being done. Yes. Yeah. And I look at people who have those kind of bodies like Kendall Jenner.

And good for them. I wasn't built like that. In order for me to have a body like that, I would have to give up all the things. things that make me so happy. Food is like the most important thing in the world to me. And like making food for people going out to dinner, finding cool spots and new places that we go to. Nothing fills me up with joy more than that. And I would have to sacrifice that and I would be less happy. And for what, to weigh 10 less pounds? Like that's not for me. A hundred percent. I just never stopped. That's exactly. It's like, do you want to be happier or do you want to be like 10

less pounds? Right. You know, and beyond that like whole train. It was weird when I was here, I was like, you know, in those moments you're like, just feeling you're like, oh, I'm like, dude, so stupid, but I'm not getting, I don't get hit on on the streets of New York anymore. And I was like, damn, I used to take a hit on. I was like looking at a picture. I was like, it was weird because it's like, you think you're cute. And then I was like, damn, I wasn't as cute as I thought. And I was like, oh, wow.

Like, I actually thought I was like fine then. And I was like, oh, I had fake eyelashes and I was like this thing. And we just have this warp perspective of who we are. And it's just like, it's all about like hopefully making ourselves love ourselves enough to be okay. Yeah. And listen, guys are more scared to do that shit.

Everyone's got a phone out and post me too. They're just not hollering like they used to. That's right. But I don't know. Appreciate it. I know, same. I was,

I was, messaging my sister. I was like, if I don't get hit on once, I'm going to lose my mind. She's like, every day. She's like, anything? I'm like, no, man. She doesn't check.

Guys are afraid. Yeah, guys are afraid. I think because of dating apps. I think me too and dating apps. Okay. Dating apps, because they're less, they have less practice doing things in person. Yes.

Always. But you can always trust a good, like, construction site. Always. You're good. I need to go to the spots. Yeah, you know where to walk around. There's one on 3rd Avenue and 12th Street right now. Just walk on the beach.

If you see like a scaffolding and a bunch of hard hats, just you go to stroll by. Like if the guy. Knock that, boys. Yes. Honestly. Need help with your stuff. Like, if a guy gets right in my face, is like, you beautiful. I'm like, thank you, sir.

As you get older, like when I'm younger, I'm like, ew, get the fuck away from me. As I'm older, I'm like, do you want to hang out? After that, we need to start. You walk away, you know, read the room. Like, don't follow me down the block. Oh, I'll talk to them. I'm like, oh, no, no, no.

What's your name? That's so funny. Like, just flip it on its head. They're like, wait, shit. What happened in, well, there's a sexist city episode where Miranda just clapped back and they were like, ma'am, I'm married. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

She kept walking by, she's like, you know, blah, blah, blah. He's like, yo. He's like, we do this to literally everyone. That's how we pass the time. Well, we have loved talking with you. Oh, my gosh. We're about to record your podcast next. I can't wait.

I know, you all over again. You guys can look for us on their show in a couple of weeks. I think it is. We'll go ahead afterwards. You guys have so much really amazing stuff going on. You have a membership program. You have course work. So tell people, like, everywhere they can find you

and get involved in your brand. Yeah, you can find everything on almost 30.com. Yeah, our membership is kind of where we're pouring. so much of our time and energy into. That opens up for enrollment again in January time. So check that out. And then, yeah, if there are podcasters out there, we have just resources for you also, like a big hub that we have created because we just learned the hard way and made a ton of mistakes and just, yeah, I really love supporting podcasters. You guys do a lot more like spirituality and wellness than sort of we do. So it's a nice counterpoint to what we do.

I just can't hype you guys enough. Like we are obsessed with all. Like we've looked to you with your brandy and everything. Like you inspired us to really like make a cute studio. Yours is cuter. But like, you know, we hired your web designer. Like you just really, you guys have impeccable taste and you just like do it right. And the coursework and everything.

So yeah, it really shows how much you care about this brand seriously. And then your personal Instagram. So you want to plug them? Oh, yeah. At Lindsay Simpsic. At it's Krista. Okay. Okay.

Guys will follow them, listen to their podcast. They're fucking dope. Go to their website. get everything they're involved in. They really work so hard on all this just like us. So thank you guys. We loved having you. We love you.

I love you, snack kids. You love me a snackies. I'm a snackhead. There's snack kids. Bye. And you guys know where to find us, Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. We're Girls Got Eat Podcasts on Instagram.

I'm Ash Hess. Raina's reina. dot eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Got to eat. And we'll see you next week. Thanks, guys. Have a good week. Bye.

Bye.