Girls Gotta Eat - The Art of Matchmaking with Matchmaker Maria Avgitidis

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

How does matchmaking work? And more importantly, DOES it work? (Spoiler alert: it does.) We brought in Maria Avgitidis, founder of the highly acclaimed Agape Match, to chat about the art of the set-up, what makes a successful couple, time limits/drink limits/sex limits for dating, if opposites attract, and much more. We also recap our Atlanta and Nashville trips, AND announce our next NYC show (slay bells ring...are you listening?). Check our website for show dates, merchandise, and more. Follow Girls Gotta Eat on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, and follow Maria @MatchmakerMaria. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Another thing that's interesting is also how the feedback happens. So I know when my clients are going to end up with that person four months before they know it. Back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back. We are coming to you from Smile Radio at Smile to Go in the Freehand Hotel. We already kind of lived here in the free hand. So it only made sense that we started recording this while. Yes.

And we come here all the time. We work from here. We eat here in a smile to go. and one day we noticed a podcast studio. And Raina was like, excuse me, can we get in there? So we're here. I just feel like I'm already, I already live here. Right, we're already here.

Pop down on my pajamas, record the podcast, and then, you know, go home. They have snacks. Their marketplace is my plate is my favorite thing. Yeah, I was on the way here. And it's in Flatiron, by the way. If you guys aren't familiar with the Vrhea Hotel, please familiarize yourself ASAP. I was in the way here. Raina was like, the market vegetables are so solid today.

and I walked in and saw meatballs and was like, it's over. Ashley, nobody's ever loved a meatball more than Ashley. She is the condescive. If you guys want to know the best meatballs in New York City, Ashley's your girl. And we are right in the center of the city. There's a huge window. If you guys want to walk by. Watch us like a zoo animal.

Right on the corner 24th and Lex. So maybe some sirens here and there. We're sorry. We are on the streets. There's like a construction truck backing up right there. Ashley's going to hate this. She's such a perfectionist. I have anxiety.

Ashley, I can't even wait for the email. She's going to send me while she's editing this. And also follow along with them on Instagram at smileradio.fm is the podcast studio. Maybe there'll be a picture of us in there soon. I don't know. I don't know if they like us that much. TBD, guys. Just follow along just in case.

Before we get started today, I just need to take a temperature track on you. Are you okay? Okay. Guys, are you crying already? I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. I saw a star is born last night and I'm not fully recovered. Like, I will say I'm going to get into like my highly overreactive over emotional responses

to movies, but it is the most like emotional reaction I've ever had from a movie. It is absolutely insane. I think they're going to win all the awards. I think Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga are two of the like greatest talents of our generation. I'm not kidding. This movie, it's just, It's so incredible, and I knew that it was going to be sad. So I went alone.

I literally said, if you want somebody to come with you, I would love to come with you. And then I just see Instagram stories of her at the movie theater without me. I was like, oh, okay. So I decided to get 7 p.m. I literally went out to get a salad and was like, you know what? I'm just going to see it tonight. I'm busy the rest of the week. I'm dying to see it.

So I just went by myself at my favorite movie theater in the East Village. And I don't know if you know. My movie style is a lot. It's like I go like cuddled up in like a blanket scarf. I need to be like fully. I mean to feel really like I'm in a safe space. I sat in the corner. And I started crying 10 minutes in.

Like the second she started singing, the second her mouth opened, it was like, then they're falling in love. It's this incredible love story. I was in tears. I'm like, shouldn't be allowed to see movies in public. I know. What if somebody recognized you? You should only go see movies like where most people take their mistresses, like to the

Upper West Side where nobody goes. You need to start seeing movies in Harlem. This is not okay. It's not a good reflection on that. Our entire audience lives in the East Village. What if somebody saw you? I cry all the time. I cried every movie I've ever seen.

If there's anything even the slightest bit, emotional, happy, sad. Like, I don't go on dates to movies unless I'm super comfortable with a guy. Like, we're in a serious relationship because, like, they can't see. Like, they can't see it. And the mental breakdown that ensued after the movie, too. I woke up this morning. Ashley had, like, Googled screenshot and swipe up linked every article about this movie. Well, she made notes.

Her Instagram story was like 30 slides. I was like, oh my God. What happened while I was sleeping last night? I'm telling you that everybody feels this way. I've got so many DMs about it. Like, can you please talk about this movie? Obviously, I'm not going to give away any spoilers. But people are like obsessed.

And then the soundtrack, the soundtrack's incredible. So you like watch the movie. You like get your heart ripped out. And then you go listen to the soundtrack. I was walking to the studio today. Listen to the soundtrack had to turn off because I was like getting emotional. Okay. Well, until Paramount Pictures writes us to check, we're done promoting this movie.

I will promote the movie until the day I die. I don't care. Free promotion for Lady Gaga of Bradley Cooper. Also, Bradley Cooper directed, acted, and sang in this movie. It's insane. It's an insane movie. Raina's telling me to wrap it up. Guys, I know you want to hear this.

Give people what they want. It's the best movie. I'm not okay. Okay. Well, I'm going to make you happy cry right now. Oh, my God. Okay. I have an announcement to make.

Say it. We're doing it. We're really doing it. Guys, we are announcing the Girls Got to Eat holiday spectacular in New York City. On December 18th, holiday spectacular, it's going to be the best show we've ever done. Sleigh bells ring. Are you listening? Just to be clear, that Sleigh, like SLAY, Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?

But we really like to make these live shows a huge event, something really, really special. So we're doing a great holiday show in the heart of New York City on 23rd at the Gramercy Theater. It's going to be really, really amazing. I cannot hype this enough. We have so much planned. Raina's going to wear a red ball gown. Stop telling everybody. Now I have to wear like a Santa suit or something, but like throw people off.

Sexing Santa's. Leave his text on red, leave his jingle balls on blue. We're doing it. I'm so excited. You guys can get your tickets. They are now available. You can get them through our website at GirlsGottyapodatea Podcast.com. We're going to put it on our Instagram as well so you guys can swipe up by tickets.

And you can also get them on the Gram Receive Theater website. website or in person, you can go there and buy them as well. They're on 23rd in Park. Yeah. So, again, we'll link over from our website, but I think they're going to go fast. So we're not just saying that. We know this is going to sell out and you guys are going to be DMing us, asking us to create more seats in the theater and we can't. We can't. And just so you guys have like an idea of how fast our tickets sell out, our last New York City show sold out in five days. Five days. First show we ever did, Carolines. Five days. So yes, December 18th, week for Christmas. everybody come flying from out of town.

You want to be here anyway. Greatest city in the world during the holidays. Raina's still Jewish, but she loves Christmas. Nobody's ever loved Christmas more than me. You really love Christmas. It's like a man you can't have, so you want them more. I just want to sit on Santa's lap so bad. We're going to have a sexy Santa, like the Chippendale Santa's.

You're going to sit on their lap the whole time. Oh, my God, I'm going to wear Christmas-themed laundry. Okay, I can't keep telling people. I'm going to have outfit. I just decided I'm going to have outfit changes. Like, it's my wedding. Okay, that's all I'm telling you. Okay.

I'm just going to be up on stage waiting for you to come back. You're going to come up from under the stage. You're going to be suspended flying through there, like a fucking Broadway musical. Oh, I have one of the dancers spin me off and on the stage. I'm a fucking dancing performer. Speaking of live shows, though, guys, the updates you've all been waiting for, we just got back from our two city world tour. Two city world tour.

We told you guys we would give you a full download of Atlanta and Nashville. So here it is. I just got to say up top, I loved these shows. I loved the crowds and I loved the people that took care of us at both of the menus. So incredible. City winery in Atlanta, Zanies in Nashville. We miss you, fam. We love them so much.

They couldn't have taken care of us better. And when I say better, they just gave us a lot of food and alcohol, which is all they really needed. In Nashville, they like took us around and took us all these cool places. And I mean, it was just, it was phenomenal. It was phenomenal. And I just want to thank and shout out and plug all the people that participate us within Atlanta. We had comedian Neil Reddy.

We had Tribal Reese, a friend of ours. And also just wanted to give a shout out to Lace Larby and Jared Harris, who were our special guests. They have a podcast called American Couple. It's hilarious. They're hilarious. They're hilarious. Like, to be in their presence on stage, you're like, what is this couple?

They're an insane couple. They're like couple goals. They stood up there and just like stole the show. They're this amazing mix of comedy and actually like really good relationship advice. Yes. Like you and May. Yeah. They're the second best couple you guys know.

The heterosexual version of me and Ashley's lesbian couple. Right. Exactly. So just give them a listen, guys. They just started this podcast. They're interviewing other comedy and funny couples. And it's called American Couple. You can find on iTunes where you find podcasts.

So we'll do a swipe up on our Instagram for that as well. But they were insane. and they are another podcast you guys can listen to about relationships. But anyway, you want to talk about the show? A lot of things happened in Atlanta. First of all, we went to do sound check. Ashley left me at the venue for, I don't know, 10 minutes. I walked out the door into Pond City Market.

If you guys know Atlanta, it's a great shopping area. I had spent $400 within 10 minutes of Ashley leaving me. I was like, I can't believe I'm going to leave her to her own. She knows. Ashley knows. Like I left you in Sephora. Like, I can't believe I did that. Like, I had a meltdown on Sephora.

I thought I lost my wallet. Raina had to pay for me, whatever, and then I just left her there. I can't believe, like, what kind of friend am I? Leave you in Sephora to your own devices? Not okay. I walked out. I literally bankrupted myself within 10 seconds of Ashley leaving. I want to remember the show was great.

It couldn't have been more beautiful. Can I just say that you still had to buy new outfits in Nashville. Like, no Nashville. She's like, I got to go shopping. I'm like, did you not just go shopping? Big Funer Raina all the time. The most common thing she says is, yeah, I'm probably going to go shopping. I should go shopping.

Every time we're at a podcast recording, I think I'm going to go shopping. I think I'm going to go shopping. I think I'm going to go shopping. It is, you shop more than anybody I know, but never have anything to wear. I like to shop. Literally, I'm wearing the same outfit for 20 years. In your closet, I don't even want to see it. I have 17 bags on my floor ready to go to Goodwill.

I've been like trying to take all week. Anyways, after the show, Ashley went out. I went back to the room. and turn out the lights. We're sharing a room in this particular city. I'm really super sensitive to light and sound. So I go to sleep for like an hour. Ashley comes home and I immediately like wake up because just, I don't know,

I'm very sensitive to those things. Ashley goes into the bathroom and I don't hear another sound ever. An entire hour goes by. And I know this. I keep checking my phone. I'm like, how much time is got dead silence. In my mind, I'm like, oh my God, she's dead. like Ashley died.

I wasn't concerned enough to get up. You knew I was in the bathroom, but what do you think? I was just in there cutting myself. I don't know. I'm like in the bathtub. In my mind, I just assumed you died.

She's dead in the bathroom. I was too tired to actually get up and check. You were like, well, if she's dead, what am I going to do? I started hypothesizing like, what am I going to do with my life if she's dead? Like, it's just over. Yeah, I think it's funny that you laid in bed and got upset about me dying when you just could have walked over to the bathroom. 10 feet away.

That's the way. thing. I'd rather sit here and stay up at night than get up and check on her. I was hypothesizing it. Like, I was like, okay, what skills do I have? Like, I am really good at breakfast food. That's it. Like, I love blowjobs. Yeah, breakfast and blowjobs. That's your new lifestyle blog. A blowjob giving chef. That's what I'll, that's what I'll be. I can see it if you die. Guys, listen, I had an issue with my dog, the dog sitter. It was fine, but I did have to kind of figure it out. So I just went into the bathroom. and I was in there on the phone, texting,

and also just taking thirst trap selfies. I had put on, like, little cute shorts and was still wearing my crop top from the night. And then I just took a glance in the mirror. I was like, sexy mirror selfies on Instagram. And I was like, I'll delete these by the morning. No, they stayed. For 24 hours, they stayed there.

I might post that again as a TBT. I'm so cute. How many photos did you take? Because I will be dead silent, like, holding my breath about to faint, taking photos for like 20 solid nights. I honestly only took two. They were that good.

Fuck you. And my hair, my makeup. Yeah, it was great. Did not die. You looked amazing. But if I did, I would have looked damn good. And then from there, we went to Nashville. Like we said, amazing people.

We went on Caitlin Bristow's podcast. You guys can actually listen for that tomorrow. It's coming out. It's called Off the Vine. But Ashley had signed up to live in Nashville within 30 seconds of landing. Oh, I still. I miss you. Nashville.

Nashville is just one of my favorite cities. I loved it so much. And we cannot say enough good things about Zanis, the venue, and the people. They took insanely good care of us. And as you guys know, we brought Lev to open for us. We had an amazing guy's our guest named Josiah Carr. He's a dancing waiter slash celebrity wedding planner. He was very funny.

He's this really funny guy. He was on stage with us. But, you know, we were staying in the house with Lev. It was just me, Raina and Lev. And I mean, I noticed a little flirting happening. Whatever. I was trying to ignore it. And I was trying to get her to go to sleep one of the nights, so she finally laughed.

Yeah, Friday night, I was, like, retreated to my bedroom at, like, 12.31. And, like, I wake up at three to go to the bathroom and I hear, like, a raided's flirtatious laugh. I was like, she is really waiting us out. I really, I waited it out. And he, like, decided, I realized it wasn't going to happen. So I go upstairs to go. I get in bed. And I'm like, all right, well, this isn't going to happen.

I get in bed. And as soon as I get in bed, I get a text from him. Oh, my God. Hey, you still up? And I'm like, oh my God, it's happening. I'm like, yeah, what's up? My charger for my computer is in Ashley's room. If you could just go in there and get it for me.

That is the biggest blue ball I've ever heard. You wait to hook up with a dude till three in the morning. You finally give up. You go up to your room and then you get a you still up text and he wants his charger. I cannot handle this. I feel so bad for you. Starr is in a pair of boxer shorts and I'm in a towel. And I'm like, just take off the towel, Raina.

Just do this. Just like throw down and do this. And then I got nervous. And I went to Ashley's room. And I was like, okay, good night. See you later. Bye. But the next night, we were at the house and we were getting ready for the show.

They put us in this really great condo right next to the comedy clubs. That was perfect. So we're getting ready for the show. And I hear Lev come in. He's like, Raina, where's the toothpaste? She's like, you have the toothpaste. I gave you the toothpaste. He's like, I don't have it.

Raina. Where's a sense of dine? He, like, called up the brand name of the toothpaste. And she's like, I don't have the censadine. He's like, where's the censadine, Raina? And I'm like looking back and forth, like following this, like, argument, go back and forth. And then Raina was like, if you can't find it, I'll give you a blowjob. And I was like, here she goes again, setting up bets, but like work in her favor no matter what.

Ashley's chasing us up and down the hallway. Like what's going to happen? And once the blow job got added into the mix, I'm like, now I'm really invested. So he finds the toothpaste. And he's like, ha, ha, found the toothpaste. And then Raina yells out, I don't have time for a blowjob anyway. I'm like, nailed it. But also, we didn't have time.

Like, we had to go. So it was perfect. Like, you're the talent. We had to go to our show. Love's opening for us. And you were like, fuck you don't have time for a blowjob anyway. It was such a binketron moment. Here's your damn toothpaste.

And then I had this, like, cathartic moment where I got on stage in Nashville and told 320 people that I just gotten rejected. It was, it's nice. Oh, it's the best. It's just, and like to talk about it in front of him with all those people is really fun. Like, he's like watching this all go down. He's like, what is coming out of her mouth? What's he going to do?

So Nashville was amazing. And then I left, came back to New York. I was sad the whole time because I miss Nashville. And you went to D.C. for a wedding. I did. My third city on my world tour. I'm surprised you didn't like try to grab the mic at the wedding. do with live podcast.

When people were like giving speeches, I was like, does anyone want me to like do a bit? Like, Ashth was asking me, these are like some of my lifelong friends I grew up with in Pittsburgh, just the best people.

Ashley asked me that she was like, do people, I said her like, it's so weird to me to do this comedy podcast because like, I don't know if like people look at what I'm doing now and they're like, was she funny in high school?

Yeah, I asked you that. I was like, were you funny? Because people thought I would think of me as funny growing up and stuff. And like I was wondering if you were, because you're so hilarious. I really have no idea.

I think I was very... Did you do a poll? You did a poll at the wedding. I also just picture you grabbing the mic at the wedding and be like, how are we feeling DC? They're like, what? Do you remember when I tried in Nashville and the mic wasn't on? I know, because like Rana comes out on stage in Atlanta,

and she's like, what's up Atlanta? And like the crowd went wild. It was so amazing. I mean, she was just thinking about it. And someone captured on video, and so she tried to do the same thing in Nashville and the mic wasn't on. So I'll just picture you at the wedding. What's up, D.C.?

They're like, what? This is a wedding. I get up and do, I started doing bits. People are like, was that girl funny in high school? Who is this? She was just kind of slutty. I don't remember her being funny. The girl with the big boobs?

Sluddy Trump's funny. In high school. That's what people remind me. That's what am I saying. Anyway, so I get to D.C. I immediately go shopping. Of course. The minute I land, I get really cute outfits.

I got this velvet skin tight jumpsuit for the first night. I just looked so fire with like, gold jewelry. I get to the rehearsal dinner and I mean, you guys know that I was like so excited to see this guy that I slept with at the last wedding. Yeah, we've been talking about it. I'm immediately told that he is not coming to the wedding. I honestly, I already knew this clearly. We're not going to pretend like we don't talk every second of the day, but like my heart just dropped even remembering that. That is the worst feeling. Like that's the worst. Like you were expecting to see someone you look so great. They're just not coming. I know.

It's so bad. So I'm like, all right, no big deal. Like, there's a thousand guys in D.C. Oh, my ex lives here. I'll text him. The guy you don't enjoy his company. Yeah, but I was drunk. So he texted me as soon as I got into town.

He saw my Instagram story of me being in town. He's like, hey, what do you hear for? And so I responded with, I really missed you, and I thought we should get back together. So good. And to which he, God, he knows me so well. He responded, did somebody steal your phone? Because he knows how little of a chance there is Is that ever happen?

That is such like a fucked up emotional game To play with somebody. He knows that I don't want to date me either. Like neither of us want to be with the other person. Yeah. So like we're good. We're actually just have like a nice casual positive relationship. It's so bad.

It's crazy. But anyway, so I'm at the person there. I'm like, okay, like I'll just, you know what? I'll just throw one to my axe. It's no big deal. Like whatever. So I text him, I'm like, what are you doing? It's like I'm in hell.

I was like, I'm at home. I was like, oh, I'm really tired if you want to just like maybe get a drink on your roof or something. That would be really fun. He was like, well, I would, but my girlfriend's here. Oh. Oh, God. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend. He's like, but, you know, definitely not a good idea for us to hang out.

And I was like, I mean, he wasn't like, my girlfriend's here. And if she wasn't, you could come over. He was like, have a girlfriend. Good for him, you know, because what he could have done is reconnected with you and shared that he still had feelings for you and then propose to her two weeks. later, that could have really worked out. Some of us just are luckier than others. Trust me, plenty of guys have found plenty of ways to fuck me. He's actually, he's a good guy, but I was like, okay, like, whatever.

And then he continues with like, and my dog is sick, and it has diarrhea. And, like, this just isn't. And I was like, I don't care. That was so unnecessary. That was the end of this conversation. Oh, my God, diarrhea, shut up. If you're ever writing that in a text, stop. No, when you said girlfriend, the conversation ended.

Right. My interest in you ended at the end of that sentence. Right. Why are you still sharing details from your life? This is over. Like, what did you do at the gym today? Like, I don't care. Right.

Go talk to your stupid girlfriend. But I will say, guys, there is hope. There are still some good guys out there. Yeah. Good for him. Yeah. Okay. We have had a 30-minute intro.

But one last thing before Raina shames you guys into rating and reviewing and we bring in our guest. I just want to say this. I have it on my list of notes. when we were in Atlanta during the show, everyone was trying to buy meat and greet tickets. Everybody saw us and they were buying them and then they were sold out dirt. Like other people were trying to buy them

and were not able to get them. This is happening during the show that people are trying to get tickets and add on to their existing ticket to meet us after the show. Because like we mentioned before, these city winery venues, it's a little strange.

You have to buy the two separate tickets. And that has how Chicago is going to be. And we are not sold out of meat and green tickets. we're telling you guys right now, you're going to want those tickets. It happened in Atlanta. It's going to happen again. You're going to be sitting there at the show,

and we're going to be talking about how we're going to hang out with everybody afterwards and get pictures and get selfies and drink together, and you're going to wish you got them. So we're just going to tell you now, get them, so you're not stuck in this position where you're DMing us begging to us to go to the meeting grade. Thank you for doing that. I'm not trying to be an asshole, but that truly did happen.

Like multiple DMs on both of our accounts and the girls got to eat. of like, I'm trying to buy the meet and greet tickets. We're like, girl, it's the show. The show has started. You should have thought ahead. So we're just telling you guys, the meet and greet at City Winery is so awesome because they have these cool separate rooms. So like, we just want to reiterate that it's a very cool thing that we do, especially

at the city winery venues. That was my favorite meeting great we've done so far because they had a whole room for everybody to like mingle with ice and have a drink. And it was really, really fun. And we love them all. And we love meeting you guys so much. But at the comedy club, it's more like kind of come up and say hi. We have to kind of keep it moving.

but at City Winery, they kind of put everybody in a room. So the girls were all mingling. We got this really cool fun selfie. We're drinking wine. You can bring your drinks in there. It was just a really cool setup. And I anticipate that's what's going to happen in Chicago. So they are still available.

The show is sold out. But if you have a ticket, you can add the meat and grate onto it. You won't be left out in the cold. You can do it on our website at Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. I have a separate link for y'all to do that. And at our Chicago show, my mom, my stepdad, my brother, my brother's wife. and they're really good friends who we grew up with, who were with my next door neighbor as a child,

are all coming to the show. Oh, God, the whole fan. So I need total strangers to buy meet and greet tickets so that somebody can give me a hug for being disowned for telling blowjob jokes for two hours in front of my whole family. Right, because after the show, Rana is going to be totally estranged from her family. So she's going to need some extra love. So do that for her.

I bought tickets yesterday to go home for Thanksgiving. And, like, it was a silly thing to do. clearly I don't need them. Right. Like you don't have a family after November 7th. Can I come with you? Yeah. Oh, totally.

Ashley's family is so wonderful. Her parents and her brother texted me before our shows to say good luck. It was so sweet. I just love them so much. World famous hustle times. Anyways, guys, before we get started, don't think you're off the hook this week. Please keep putting us in your Instagram stories. Tag us.

We love reposting your stuff. Go on to iTunes. Leave us a rating. You know, I like to say it every week. If I'm not number one on the charts with Ashley every single week, it's not because we didn't make a good podcast. It's because you didn't tell enough of your friends about it. Right.

And I like how we had Lindsay last week. We met at Acme and then her podcast started skyrocketing out the charts. Be us. It's a direct ahead of us. You're welcome, Lindsay. It was five ahead of us on the charts. I was like, shit. She really was so grateful and she's just like so overwhelmed with happiness.

And we love having her. We were glad you guys really like that episode too. And speaking of guests, we have an awesome guest for. you guys today. We think really hard about what's a cool outside of the box topic to do. This was all you again. Raina found this person. Thank you. Star guest booker. Ashley edits the whole podcast every week, so she's really pulling her weight.

I've booked our live show guest on the tour, the world tour. But yeah, Rayna is our guest booker. So we were thinking what was a really cool idea for our guest. So today we're going to talk about matchmaking. So we are really excited to welcome to the. studio today, Maria Avcatitis. Hey, and Belle Dunn on the last name. I'm so proud of you.

Thank you. She gave me a really good way to remember her last name. What was it? I've got titties. I want to think this, I don't want to say his name, but this one of the kids in middle school called me that. I knew it was a kid when you were growing up. Yeah.

Before puberty, it was Maria gingeritis because I don't know, I guess it doesn't even seem similar. It's like. A child? knew the word ginger vitus? No, a janitor. Cleaning up my first grade cafeteria. Oh my God, you're taking me back to like Cheeto land.

He was cleaning up and I guess he saw my last name on my lunchbox. And he's like, what does this say? Gingervitis. And then all the kids picked it up. Oh my god, an adult was heckling you? Yeah, you're like, go back to mopping the cafeteria, dude. That is crazy. And also really quick, Rainey, you left the room.

That's your maiden name. Yeah. But your married name is he's crazy too. Yeah, my merry name is Pirootakis. So I was like, Frayna, what you did? I did that specifically to see your reaction. Can you say it hyphenated? Like, just.

Pierio. No, like, say. I'm sorry. Oh, my full name is on Facebook. Maria Afkatidis, periodos, period. And you are continued to be heckled in the studio. No, it's crazy. I love it.

I'm so used to. But anyways, before we get started, obviously we introduced that you are a matchmaker. So where are you from? How old are you? And then let's talk about what you do. So yeah, I am a fourth generation matchmaker and the owner of Agopi match. Agapi means loving Greek. So before I tell you my age, I started my company when I was 23.

Oh, wow. And, okay, so now I'm 33. So now I know my age. And what's interesting is when I celebrate my 33rd birthday, I was kind of surreal because I've been lying that I'm 33 since I was 23 because who in the right mind would give a 23-year-old money to like set them up with people. Yeah. And it was like, oh, okay, now I'm the age that I'm in.

lying about. Maybe I'll just stay 33. We'll see. But yeah, I'm 33. Live, you know, lived in Chelsea for a really long time. And then my husband knocked me up. And like a cliche, when we were eight months pregnant, moved to New Jersey. And now I just commute in. But, you know, we are based in the Empire State Building. And I still come to New York every day. And it's good, though. It's good. Sweet. It's a lot more fun than I thought it would be. casual office in the Empire State Building. Yeah, you know, no need you. We're really excited to have you today, and our audience is really excited.

We actually did an Instagram poll yesterday about you. And we said we have a matchmaker coming on. Do you guys have any questions? And we were flooded with questions. That's crazy to me. I know, right? I was like, I hope people ask questions. I'm like, girl.

When I saw your post yesterday, I was like, should I tell my friends to ask questions? Because I'm really nervous. We were not at a loss for questions. Goodness. I can't wait to answer them. Yeah. So we are excited to talk about what you do, and then at the end of the show, we'll do like a fun little lightning around with you. Sounds great.

But for starters, your fourth generation matchmaker, that is so amazing. You must be filled with so much amazing knowledge. I think a lot of the stuff that I've come in to notice is like I've really sensitive intuition. I also like read a lot. I'm very curious about behavioral economics and relationships between people. And you kind of put this together. and, you know, knowing how to sell hope is really helpful, too. Selling hope.

Well, I mean, you're selling people an entire life of marriage and children. Yes. It's just hope. It's like the whole package. It's an experience. I mean, and it's crazy when you get like, it's not the wedding invites that. Yeah, okay. It's when you get the baptism or bar mitz.

Yeah. So tell us, give us a little of your, give us a little street grad for the listeners. Like, do you have, can you give us an idea of like how many people you've married off? I don't know how many people have married off. because half my clients don't get married again. They've been married before because they're over 50. But the goal is love. Yeah, the goal is love.

And I have set, we recently calculate, I've set up over 3,000 first dates. What? And what's funny to me is like it could possibly be more, but we're good. So some of our clients, most of our clients tend to really shifts by their third or fourth first date. Okay. And so you can kind of like, it's interesting to see. And then some people take like 15 first dates, but it's interesting to see like how many first dates we've set up. because that means how many restaurants we've supported in the city.

Loungees, bars, whatever, adventures, just a lot of different experiences for people to do on first dates, tailored to the couple's personality, you know. Who are your clients? Is it men and you match them with women? Is it women how does it work? So we take on both genders as clients, but for different programs. So we take on more men for matchmaking. And the reason behind that is we used to take on women.

We took on women for nine years. and eventually it just got too hard. Women just change what they're looking for quickly when they hire a matchmaker. But then we had this other program, our dating refresh program, which is a type of coaching program, which, I mean, every time a woman does this, she's in a relationship within three months. And the success rates between both are insanely high. So for matchmaking, it's 93% success rate.

And for coaching, for the dating refresh program for women, in, it's a 90% success rate. So a 90% chance you'll be in a really ship in the next three months. That's kind of how we work. With the one. I've only seen two instances where it wasn't the one where they broke up and then they met someone else. This is interesting. It works.

Ashley's like, can we go right now? Well, we'll get to that. But I think this is really interesting and I want to talk about it a little more after we divulge into your business a little more. But the difference between the way that women and men date. Oh, my goodness. And the thing that they look for and what makes them a good partner. think that's so interesting that you have different programs for different sexes.

Yeah, it's also learning how differently wired the genders are. You have said this in a couple of your podcast episodes. And the one thing to remember, I think. Like simple mind versus complex mind. Not even that. I'll actually bring it down more of like a hunter-gatherer society. Like men used to be the hunters and women were the gatherers. And obviously, you know, now our foods and refrigerators in supermarkets and that's where we shop.

But it still happens, right? you know, when you go out, if a woman runs into another woman, oh my God, how is it going? I love your shirt. Where'd you get it? Where'd you get your purse from? It's like all this information gathering is being exchanged. And then, you know, men see each other and it's like more execution style. Like, where are you going? Where are you heading to? I'll walk with you. You know, it's not, could you imagine a guy meeting another man? Like, where did you get those jeans? Like, that's just a weird way of gathering information for a man. So that, being said, by the way, this is like a really great dating tip. I noticed that when women and men are

dating online, they just talk different languages. Men don't want to do the ping pong conversation. They just want to get on the phone or just go on the date. And women are like, so where'd you go to school? Well, some women. Yes. I'm like, I'm like, why are we small talking? Are we going to meet up or what? And that is a really great strategy to getting into a relationship. Well, I'm also older, you know, so it's like maybe 10 years ago it would have been a little different. But now I'm just like, oh my gosh, like cut the chit-chat. We always say we don't like to fall into these like pen-pal like scenarios where it's just like, what did you have for lunch today?

Would you do work? It's like, I don't know you. Let's not create this like false base for a relationship. Knowing these tiny little facts about somebody, like what they like on their sandwich is not a relationship. So it's just like I think that your profile was funny and you're cute. Like let's see if we vibe. Let's spend two hours doing that. Yeah.

And I'll go back and forth a little bit. I sense of humor is just like my number one thing. So I got to see if we're vibing there. Like I can kind of tell if a guy's just. Do you tell a guy if a guy has the same sense of humor are you online? Yeah, I do think so. I mean, I guess I've learned that, yeah, the way people text and talk in text and on an app or whatever, it does not totally mean that's who they are. The reason, before you asked me, like, how I even started doing this, like, what is my matchmaking story?

Right. And the truth, like, so like the short story is, obviously I'm a fourth generation matchmaker or blah, blah, blah, blah. The long story is, is that, it's not that long. It's that, okay, so I have a superpower. And that superpower is, one, being able to talk to strangers and creating rapport really quickly. But two, for some reason, strangers immediately tell me, like, there's secrets within, like, three minutes of meeting me. And I noticed this when I was a lot younger, that this was a reaction for a lot of people. And I've been able to utilize that to establish myself in this way.

Right. And when I meet women like you, who, who are able to market yourselves so well, especially like the gift of the gab. It's just like, oh, no, don't online date. You should be out and not with each other. Yeah, I think it's really good for some people. I understand that a lot of people would be in an office all day long. And so there isn't an alternative.

And that's why I understand that people, you know, turn to matchmaking, of course, because you're just like, I don't know how to meet anybody. You're like, what I would do. I don't want a little bar after work. Her and I are fortunate to, you know, we work in hotels. we work, you know, not in the rooms. We don't work the rooms, but we work in the work spaces in the hotel.

Sorry, it took me a second. Yeah, we just wait in the lobby until our clients come in and go up to the rooms. That's what we do. That's how we work in these hotels. I'm just sitting in the hotel, just like baiting men to pay me. I mean, no, I don't like the apps. I've never had a successful relationship from the apps.

It's not, like, it's not my preferred way. I think we just have to address it because we have a dating podcast. And obviously, we don't even need to talk about them today. Are you kidding me? We don't need to talk about that with you. Like, that's not what you do. So, but Raina and I, but Raina doesn't even do them, you know? So we did this whole episode on Meeting Men in the Wild because that's what we want to do.

But, you know, let's not really talk about either because we're here talking about matchmaking. So we want to know, like, the type of people that come to you or they kind of like at their, is it guys that don't have time? Is it people that are just like on their final leg of hope, you know, these kind of things? So I would say half of, specifically for matchmaking where we predominantly take take only males for matchmaking. I would say half my clients are the kind of people who value privacy. So celebrities, CEOs, professional athletes, doctors, professors,

like they just cannot use online dating. That is not an option. You don't want your patient to see you on an app. So the half of them are people who value their privacy. The other half, which I think might resonate more with your audience, is the people that are too busy. So I feel like that's like half of Goldman Sachs, but that's what happens. You have men who come into the city right after an internship and they're working 60-hour

weeks. And when they go out for drinks, they're going out with their desk meet. And maybe they'll meet a girl or whatever, but that's not the problem. The problem is that these men are working way too hard. They're not going on quality dates. They're not meeting the kind of person they wanted to meet. and they have come from a different city or town from somewhere else in America or an expat where all of their friends are married with kids at 28 or at 29.

Right. And they feel like when they go back on Christmas or when they go back, Hanukkah or whatever, you know, give me a Thanksgiving, Easter or whatever, whenever they're back with their family and they see their high school friends just doing their lives, that's when they contact us. We see a big spike with people signing up the Sunday after a holiday. after a holiday you go visit. Because people, especially those gentlemen who are, you know,

they work these crazy hours that just does not allow them to date. Okay. So that's my clientele right there. Okay. So have a feel for the clientele. And then what's the process they come in? You set them down, ask what they're looking for? Yeah.

So first you have to apply on our website. And the same goes for women. You can join our database. Applying is free. And then from... And you have a new website coming out. Yes. So,

In a couple weeks after this airs, our websites just creating new programs for our members, and we're really excited about that. But yeah, so after someone signs up, we would then call them in for an interview. And we'd talk them for a couple of hours. If they become a client, and to become a client, it's not just a matter of, you know, wanting to use us. It's a matter of, do we mesh well? Do I not only have the women that you want to meet?

Do our personalities match enough that I want to, I can stand you for the next six months? because essentially the client relationship that I have as Maria is I'm your big sister, even though you're 52. You know what I mean? Like I'm going to big sister you and I need to have that comfort level with you. So one of the things that kept coming up over and over again in the Instagram story yesterday when we asked her questions was like, what makes a good match? And, you know, why does somebody maybe say I want one thing, but they're super compatible

with somebody that is the exact opposite? And I think so many people are like, who is right for me? What is my right match? So, like, it's probably a super loaded question, but what do you look for? Yeah. And then, like, what are people doing wrong? Like, I guess that all kind of ties in, you know. It's a couple levels, right?

So, first of all, it's learning about the chemistry of you. And that's actually a seminar that I host every month. The chemistry of you? The chemistry of you. It's like a very movie title. Yes. So, you know, we send out a newsletter every month on the 15th of the month. And, you know, if someone were to sign up in our database this week,

then you would get the next event invite for that. Okay. And so there's different levels of learning what is compatibility. And what happens for a lot of people is that they don't understand what they need to be communicated to and how they need to communicate to when it comes to love and gratitude. So have you guys ever heard of like the five love languages by Gary Chapman? I broke up with somebody who was the most out of touch emotionally person I've ever met and he was like, you know, we just have different love languages. And I was like, what? You know that thing?

So here's what happens with it. I do believe in that. I think that's, oh my God. And the first time I read it, I was like, it changed my life. Yeah. And when you really, if people don't know about it by now, what the fuck are you doing? Well, why don't we explain what it is? I mean, the two books I tell, I make all of my clients read is the five love languages

edition by Dr. Gary Chapman. Yeah. And attached by Dr. Amir Levin. That book, oh my God. I think I've met my husband like a month later. No, but we'll put swipeups for people to get that. And I just want to break down what the five love languages are because, you know,

there's different things that people need in a relationship. And so this breaks down the five, ones that different people need. So correct me, even wrong, but it's touch, it's verbal affirmations, it's time spent, it's gift giving, and acts of service. Correct. Right. And I think everyone knows.

Right. And what's up happening is, for a lot of people, when they meet someone and they tell their friends, they go, oh, my God, it's so refreshing. He's so different than anyone I've ever dated. He's incredible. He just like, we're just like a whole different level. And what reality is is that that person probably has an extremely different love language. And because it's so new, you're being communicating a different way, your brain is being scratched in a different way.

It's nice for like the honeymoon period, but that is usually going to torpedo into a massive disaster a couple months later because you are not communicating correctly. You are not showing your gratitude the way that person needs to see gratitude and appreciation. So these are like one of the things that I think makes a good match is sharing or be able to talk the other person's love language. But sharing is just like so much better when you have that kind of bond. And then of course attached. So one third of men in Manhattan are not datable. Okay. Let's get into this.

I think this is also really like why aren't these men datable? Right. What are men looking for? What the fuck? Is it New York or is it all major cities? Is it L.A., Chicago or the world? That's a great question. So if I were a single woman that is between the ages of 27 and 42 and I want to have kids, I would not live in Manhattan.

I would buy the next ticket to Denver, St. Louis, San Jose, Seattle. These four cities have way more men than women. Remember we talked about like hunter gatherers before? Same concept. So whenever you have a situation where there's way more women than men, what ends up happening is women compete with each other. It becomes more sexually driven. Manhattan is a great example of this. Miami, L.A. You have a situation where men have a herm and they can just do whatever they want. You don't like how I treat you. Bye. I'll just get the next woman that swipes right on Tinder.

Yeah. In those other cities, do you guys ever been to Seattle? One of my favorite cities. I love it. Have you ever noticed how hot the men are there? Yes. It's because there are so much more men than women. And I'm talking about percentage points here, but more men than women ratio-wise compared to New York, that now men are competing. And Seattle is one of the cities that has more monogamous relationships happening. It's weird to have a woman who is single there because there's just an availability of men who want to be in relationships. Well, I mean, it's just, it sucks to hear this.

I wish your listeners could see your faces when I said that, by the way. We know this. We talk about all the time. We talk about even Chicago, obviously, Denver. But like, it's a shame because, like, we. you're going to live here. And like, to me, I think also I want a super dynamic guy that like loves New York City and he's like moves fast and he's the same type of guy. What makes you think though? Like for me. But also we just can't, we're not, Ray and I need to be here. Listen, I met someone and I'll tell you how I met my husband. I totally used my own advice. But I imported him from Boston. Yeah, that's the dream. You're not the first person that actually has told us we had another guest on the show who's getting married for the second time. And she said when she got divorced, she's started going to different cities to meet men, and she met her now, fiancé and Queens.

So, still. She's good in court. But she was like Boston, Chicago. Come on. But I want to rewind to what you were saying. So you said a third of the men in Manhattan are undaatable. And a lot of our audiences in Manhattan, so why is that? Okay.

So to reference, like, my most favorite episode ever from Girls Got to Eat, the Sex and the City episode. I thought she was going to reference Sex in the City. Well, she is going to reference. I know, but show us first. I spoke to Dr. Levine, who wrote the book attached about this, and he just gave me these really great examples. This was years ago. So there are three attachment styles, essentially, right?

One is secure, one is avoidant, and one is anxious. And a lot has to do with, like, how your parents raised you, how they dealt with problems in front of you and how they've molded you as adult. Thanks, Mom. And from there, you internalize this, and this is how you react in adult relationship. And there's a lot of science behind this. I don't want to bore your readers, but your listeners, excuse me. But the one thing that Dr. Levine said to kind of explain the differences between the

attachment styles is he used sex in the city as an example. So let's go to our favorite relationship, Miranda and Steve. So Miranda is a little anxious but not really. She's an avoided personality, right? She kind of avoids conversations with him. She just has a certain person that's more avoid. But Steve is a secure man. And as a result, he lets her, I think, in the first couple of seasons, he's like, you be crazy.

It's so fine. I'm here waiting for you. It's okay. You can be crazy. I'm right here. And that's a secure attachment himself. Those are the most datable men in Manhattan. If you read the book attached, you'll be able to recognize who he is from a block away.

Then you have the other relationship of Mr. Big and Carrie. Now, this is the most classic New York City relationship. It is. Mr. Big is an avoidant personality. A third of New York City men are avoiding personalities. And I think that was like a statistic based on New York. I have to look it up, I guess, but Kerry is the classic anxiety personality and avoiding an anxious person, people, excuse me, avoidant people and anxious people, they are attracted like magnets. And it's that will they, won't they, whatever. Watching this relationship happen, by the way, I remember thinking like, well, could this happen? Is this real? Who would accept?

this. I can literally think of a hundred people I've met in my own lifetime who are in these relationships who marry Mr. Big and still have that kind of drama, which is just exhausting to think about, you know, but then there's a situation where you could be a secure type and you're meeting someone who is secure and you just don't have this sort of drama. You don't have these issues. And Aidan was a great example of someone who was secure who was made anxious at some point by Carrie turning into an avoidant because she was cheating on him. You know, it's a lot of things there. I will say as crap as some of my relationships were before I met my husband. It changed me a lot in terms of what I was looking for.

So one of the exercises that we do with women is teaching them how to look for that person. A lot of women don't know the vocabulary of what they should be using to find that person. And I know you'll love this. When they're done with this exercise, we make them write on a postcard. And then we have them go to the New York Public Library and find a book to put it in. So it's out there in the universe. So sorry, New York Public Library. There's like hundreds of cards and books saying, I want a man who will admire me and respect

me and have high integrity. And it doesn't matter how tall they are. It doesn't matter. Like I've seen women reject matches for me because I can't wear heels with him. Who cares? Because at the end of the day, God forbid, knock on wood, if you have cancer, right? Think about the kind of person's going to be in that hospital with you holding your hand. Do you think his height matters?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's like you got to want to fuck him. No. I'm not saying don't be sexually attracted to someone. I'm not saying that. Well, and then can we back up just really quickly? I'm just curious. Why you ask me why, or when I stop with somebody, I'm just curious. Sometimes we have sex too soon for the relationship. And I hate to tell someone when to have sex because you should be comfortable. We did a whole episode on this. But the one thing I have noticed is that if you don't experience the range of emotions with your partner and then you have sex before that happens, it's very, it's very, it's, it's, it's, it's, it.

It's very hard to mold the kind of behavior you'd like to see in that relationship. Yep. That's exactly what we did. We're right on point. I mean, we did an episode in this of like, you should feel this certain way before you do that. I'll give me an example. Some women say, like, well, how do I get them to call me every day?

And I'm like, well, have you guys had sex? Because you've had that doesn't matter now because that was the cookie. That's what we're saying. Like, get to the point you want to be at. Like, that's a great example. If you want to go how to call you every day, you better wait until he's calling you every day before you give it up. You want to see somebody behaving in a way that they're not,

performing for you. So somebody that's just being themselves. So like that is after work when they're stressed out or when they're having a fight with their sibling and somebody that's not just putting on their best pace for you. And I think sometimes when you sleep with somebody before the emotional side catches up with it, there's this disconnect where like on this one way, this person knows you so much better than pretty much anybody. Like, I mean, I don't know how many people, most people sleep with, but, you know, they know you in a certain way better than anybody. But in the every other way, they know nothing about you really. And so there's a huge disconnect between those two sides if you sleep together right away. I mean, listen, by sleeping, by the way, I don't mean like,

you can go full around. You can do all other stuff. Just don't penetrate yet. Like, give it a minute. And for the women that are like, how do I tell a guy I want to wait to have sex? My friend Michelle said the most, like the best advice, she said, she said, when you meet a guy that you want to have sex with but you want to wait, you say, A, I want to wait to have sex with you because I think this is, I want to explore what this is, but B, I just want you to know that I'm good at it. And C, I'll let you know when I'm ready to have it. Okay. And I was just like, wow, that is really good advice.

But you sandwich something like really kind of like slutty and hot in between and like rational up front, you know? I think that that's like, I'm not approved just so you know like I'm going to blow your mind, but I'm just not ready to blow your mind. Yeah, perfect. Yeah. I want you to know, by the way, just from like listening to your podcast and like being here today, I, honest to God, think Ashley is going to meet someone in the next three months. I really, here's what happens.

Which is not May. I remember this was like two days ago. I was listening, I think, to like the previous episode than the last one. And I was like, oh, my God, Ashley's going to meet someone. And I think I know who it is. I think I'm going to set you up with someone. Yes. Yeah.

It just kind of came to me because I was like, why didn't I think of this like a month ago when they called me? Wait, what? But you had said something and it just kind of resonated. So I think like, okay, when people talk about matchmakers, it's kind of like a superpower, right? because I have extremely sensitive intuition and I get a good read on people. I could tell you why someone is single within 20 seconds of talking to them. And I've tapped into that and I really appreciate that. And the one thing that I've always noticed is that if I want a relationship to, if I want someone to be in a relationship,

it doesn't have to do with everyone having their cab light on and having that, you know, thinking like, okay, it's going to happen for me and having that positive attitude about it. But it's also about understanding like their values and their lifestyle. and of course like the other stuff we talk about love languages and attachment styles, but so much of what makes dating into a relationship is having those shared values. And those shared values is what translates to marriage because you're going to raise your kids in those values. And when I hear people breaking about politics now or about even like their in-laws, it's because there is a problem with the value paradox, let's say.

And, you know, having that sort of platform of understanding who you are, who your parents raised you to be or what your parents lacked in that and what you're fixing about yourself, just kind of helps you align the stars to meet someone. I remember when I met my husband, like, I must have gone on like the world's crappiest dates for six months. Yeah. I was treated like I got ghosted earlier that year by someone I was dating for two months. I had to find my own closure and it was extremely tough. But I will thank him on one thing.

It just kind of jilted me. And this is what we do in our dating refresh programs. well for women. Think of like your world as an etches sketch. And what we do is we kind of just shake you and just start doing the lines again. And we start fine tuning the thickness. You know, like we try to find different ways to do this. But that's what I did to myself. And how at my husband, I think this is like the best advice and give you is I reverse engineered how I was going to meet him. So I took a poll. Like who is, who are five men that I admire married or otherwise.

But I can see that they're good partners. It's not enough to admire someone like, oh, I admire Elon Musk. That's bullshit. Like someone who's a good partner, someone who's a provider, someone who has strong work ethic, someone who would never even think to hurt their partner. Like, that's not even like a verb. So I found those men. I knew who they were.

And I said to them, if you're going to go out to a bar with your friends, you have to invite me for the next three months. That's just you have to do this. And I all did my little exercise too of what I wanted a man, my 25 characteristics. I went to the public library, put it in a book. And then literally nine days later, my girlfriend's husband, who I told you have to meet in a bar. He's like, I'm going to a bar in Boston. I'm coming with you.

I took an Amtrak. Shut up. Yeah. I took an Amtrak to Boston. I arranged it with a client meeting there. And like I knew that this, look, I believe birds of a feather flocked together. This person's a good person. Well, that's why you meet people at weddings all the time.

Yeah, exactly. Because the people that you're friends are going to have great friends. Yeah. So I went to Boston. When I was there, you know, I had a thing in mind, right? And I saw this man waiting outside for us. And there's been like eight guys there. But I just started talking to my husband like, you know, what's funny is like when my husband,

I wasn't physically attracted to him when I first met him. He knows this. So I'm not like dissing him or anything. But like, it's like Katie's episode where she was like, uh-uh, nope. He looked different than any of the guys I had dated before. And but I remember when I was talking to him, I remember thinking like, oh my God, I'm having such a great time with this person. And I always tell every client of mine, the whole purpose of a first date is to figure if you want a second date. And I knew I wanted to see him again.

So I found a way he did not know how to flirt. I found a way to get him to ask me out so that he feels like he chased me. Yeah. And we went out the next day. Which was, I mean, we definitely need to hear what that was. Can't just gloss over that. What's funny is, like, I used to live in Greece and my husband is also Greek. And, God, he's really bad.

So my husband's a lab rat. And he just, like, he just, like, does not know how to flirt. So I knew he liked me that I could tell that he was attracted to me. And why wouldn't he be? Right, obviously. Yeah. But he, I remember saying, like, so where in Greece are you from? He's like, oh, I'm from this island.

And I'm like, show me on the map. Okay, I'm going to save it. And if I'm ever there, we'll go for coffee. What's your number? What? So he gave me his number. And then he's like, text me your number. And I was like, okay.

And I text in him, I always, whenever I give someone my number, I always text them a photo of me so they remember who the hell I am. Oh, okay. So I text, but it has to be a funny photo. It has to make them laugh. So I text him my Twitter bio photo, which is like me with a teacup, like. Yeah. And he wrote back,

You're cute. And anyway, so you ask me out. Wait, I like this texting with the photo right now. I already know which one you should send. Which one? Eating the meat. With the big, like, porkshank in my mouth. Yeah, I love that one.

That is perfect. That is perfect. Girls got to eat shirt. Right? It's literally, it was the, I didn't even think I was like posting at the strap on Instagram. I'm wearing a white t-shirt. Yeah, it's like every guy I've ever met, ever started like DMing me and texting

me that day. That's amazing. I was like, what is happening? And then actually was like, it's the picture. It's the picture. Yes, exactly. Well, I think a lot of people want to know, like, what makes somebody a good match. Like, you said he wasn't physically what I wanted necessarily.

Right. Right. Well, now I think he's like the cutest ever. Like, my brain caught up. So what you're talking about is chemistry. People have this like, like, I hear it in the office every day and I want to like rip out every single hair on my head. They're like, you know, we had a great time. I just didn't feel chemistry.

Give it a minute, man. You were on a first date and I don't know how you guys sat with each other. If you're not, ladies, you're on a date, you better sit perpendicular or next to each other at a bar. I will same side with anybody. I'll same side. I'll never sit across. I don't know what your date went like for you not to have chemistry. On paper, though you guys are good and it always deserves a second date.

I like this advice because I always say, like, you know, today we expect our partner to be everything to us. You know, in the 1950s and 60s, we didn't ask that of our partner. And today, we want our partner to be our best friend and our cheerleader and the person that motivates us and this, like, sexual amazing partner. All these things you want our partner to be. Nobody's going to be that on a first date. You're not going to be that either on a first date. That is a great point. You're not either.

And by the way, you know how I convince women to go on second dates and I do this like every single day? And as I say to them, tell me about the last person you had chemistry with. This person, David. Okay. And what happened with you and David? Oh, we broke up after three months. Why did you guys break up? Oh, because, you know, it started off like a roller coaster.

It was like amazing. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, that's what happens when you have like straight away chemistry on a first date. It's all sexual attraction. I need to fuck you. Yeah. I want to see what, you know, like. Yeah, but I think that's my best girlfriend, Kate,

it's always like, Ashley, just go out with the guy. And like, the one, the only thing that matters are you having fun? Yeah. And I'm like, I know that, but a lot of times that's not the case. And that really is like ultimately what I'm looking for. I think Rain and I both are the same way. Like, we just, people bore us easily. Like, we're very like high functioning dynamic people, I think.

And we really need somebody that can keep up. But I think maybe what you're describing is you need someone. So this is what I mean by like, when we tell women how to help them, it's teaching them the vocabulary. And what you're describing is someone, you want someone who's intellectually curious as you. Well, and just it's a sense of humor thing. It's like, do we have the same? It's what I have with everyone my close friends.

It's like, do we have this similar banter sense of humor? Sure. Or if not, I can't. That's important. I'm never going to fake laugh on a date. I'm not, we have to be on the same page. And that's the first thing. I can't go anywhere past that.

You know, if we don't get each other. We don't have the same sense of humor. We're not able to do the banter thing. it doesn't go past that. So what makes somebody a man or woman want to go on a second date? After the first date, you get the download and then like what happens? Right. So we collect feedback after first and second dates.

And between the first and second date, the genders are split on why they would want a second date or why they don't want a second date. So for men, it's two things. One, it's when he meets the woman within the first 15 seconds, he thinks to himself, could I fuck her? And I don't mean like, will she let me? It's more like, could I physically get my penis up to have penetration sex with this woman? Yeah. And to put a ridiculous sentence. And if the answer is no, it doesn't matter how awesome that first date was, there will not be a second date. Right. But what makes a guy want a second date as well is the second part, which is a little bit of ego boost. So if a man does not remember where you work sometimes or how much you make or,

you know, how many siblings do you have, whatever, but he does remember how you made him feel. And I feel like if you're on a first date and you ask him questions and you look interested and you kind of stroke his ego just a tiny bit and he's attracted to you, you will have a second date. It's a Maya Angelou quote. You know why I know this is because I used to work in restaurants. I worked for Danny Meyer. And the quote in like, the quote was on the wall. And it says it doesn't matter what you said or where you were. People only remember how you made the sale.

And Maya is a queen and she knows what she's talking about. And it's true. For men, it's a lot of the feeling. Whereas women look at different things. They have the list. So for that to go on the second date or even the first date, they look at this psych list. Okay, is he Jewish? Where does he work?

If she's a Jewish woman, I mean, right? Like, do it the same religion? Is he the certain height? What kind of job does he have? how much money does he make? Like, they have this crazy list. And if it's not fulfilled, which might not matter in reality, then there might not be a first date, let alone in a second.

So on a first day, a woman just wants to see, you know, a physical attraction is a lot lower for a lot of women, for most women on a first date. So for women, when they go on a first date and to want a second day, they obviously have to be physically attracted, but it's a lot lower. The standards are so much more lower than it is for men. Like some women know they'll grow into physical attractiveness.

but they also kind of chase what does the future look like with this person. Right. And it's just a lot different than, you know, like they do think about, you know, okay, where does he work? How much money does this make? What does my life look like if I ended up with this person? So it's just coming from really two different motivations for both genders. I think we all know this, but even just to reiterate, it's like a woman can grow into physical

attractiveness and guys just can't. Yeah. Like guys aren't, gars aren't out here like, man. And Ashley's like not hot, but she's pretty cool. So I can't talk about with her again. That's just not happening. That's just never happened. I've been doing this for 10 years.

I must have set up over, I don't know, a couple hundred men. That's never happened. With women, though, he could be five. She goes on a date with him and she will email me the same night. She won't even wait until the next morning for me to be like, how was your date? And she'll say, oh my God, that was amazing. We connected on A, B, C, D, E, FG levels.

Another thing that's interesting is also how the feedback happens. So I know when my clients are going to end up with that person four months before they know it. So when they give me feedback after the date, which is like so different than like, oh, why didn't it work or why disappeared? Like that doesn't happen with my people, right? I can tell you feedback from your date. And what ends up happening is if a guy, especially gentlemen, if they email me feedback that's way more analytical, even if it worked out well and they go on a second and third date, maybe it'll go up to like two months. But if it's emotional feedback, like the words that they're using are a lot more emotional. and they're telling me like, okay, Marie, you were brilliant, and that was awesome.

And here's why. And, like, just a lot more charged emotionally. Even if the date was okay, that's the person they're marrying. Yeah. And I know way ahead than my clients do. Let me ask you. What, typically, like, she was hurt. But if they're, like, say something emotional, you're like, well, you're going to marry her.

So you're welcome. I don't have a guy saying that she was hot. They'll say more like, here's why I don't want to go out with her again. Right. Does it ever happen that after a date, and we've joked about a couple of, these times this has happened where like the feedback is so wildly different from the two people. Oh my God. When you go on these dates and like the one person is so into it, the other person like never

calls you again. And you're like, was I on the same date? I feel like that's probably one of the most frustrating things about my job is this kind of feedback where someone will write like say, this was the best date I've ever been on. True Story just happened to me two weeks ago. This is the best date I've ever been on. And the guy was like, I don't want to see. I had a good time, but I don't want to see them again.

Wait, okay. So is it more male? female? Is it more that the girl had fun? It's equal. It's equal. Really? So what? Because I went on this day once. This is my professional experience. For sure. I want to this day once, it haunts me to this day. It was one of the best dates of my life. It was one of these marathon dates. We met for drinks. We went up for dinner. We went to bar to bar. We were like making out. In one day? It was like an eight hour date.

Jesus, God. That's the worst. No, honey. Two drink minimum. A maximum. Maximum. Maximum. First date. I just thought that we were like really vibing the way. We were like sitting with each other. in our body language. We had a lot to talk about. Why would he want to see you again? He just had a relationship in 24 hours with you. It's too much? Yeah.

I'm too much. No, you're not too much. No, I didn't say you're too much. That was too much. Those kinds of dates, by the way, are fucking awesome. They make you feel good. It's sexy. It might end up with sex at the end.

You get to see someone's penis. There's a lot of things that are like really great and that kind of marathon date. Marathon dates don't usually work. Okay, so I love that you said that. I do. I want a lot of these. Maybe that's your drop. Just go home.

Well, Raina, once you threw your hand up and hail a cap in the middle of the day. I just need to learn to go home. So here's why it's haunted me this day. Is because. Make a nine minutes. You don't have to say to a man. I have something to do after this. That's awful.

That's like the worst thing you could say to a man on the table. No, say it was June the morning. Yeah. I just have to wake up. I want to, you know, I'm having great time. When is our, like, a great way to segue to a second date if you're viving is at the 90 minute mark being like, I'm having a really great time with you and I want to see you again.

I want to go home. I need to go home though, but when are we meeting? And that's okay for women to ask a man. You just, like, raised your eyebrow all the way to your hair. I think it's great. This date has haunted me for my entire life. I understand the sentiment, but then it's also like everybody wants that romantic first date where you like really connect and you just stay out on night and you just like don't want to part ways,

but I guess it doesn't work. But those are great for if you want a great first date. But if you want a second date and you want a relationship, you just have to look at different motivations. This short date, is this more, is this like a psychological male thing, leave them wanting more kind of thing? Hunter, Hunter, gather, society. We still live in that.

It's just the environment has changed and you need to adapt to it. Okay, so the last thing I want to cover with you that I think is really like interesting and we got a lot of questions about it is like what do men report that they want a partner, like initial upfront qualities versus what do women say? And is that language really different? Totally different, yeah. So what women ask for is he needs to be tall, dark, and handsome. I'm like so cliche, but I literally have 25,000 women in my database, like 80% of them asking for the same thing.

And I'm like, you're five feet tall. He does not need to be six foot two. Right. Because I'm out here five ten, just want five, ten and a half. I'm five eleven. And I'm like, I tell him, I go, could you imagine if I said he needs to be six foot seven? Just like what you're saying about, oh, I need to feel protected. No.

Oh, I like to wear my heels. You're going to give up a good guy just to wear a piece of heels that are not going to be wearable two years from now. Like, come on. But women actually, I'm surprised that women report physical characteristics. So they always report physical. And they'll say, like, he needs to, you know, be a hard worker. He needs to challenge me. He needs to be okay that I'm independent.

Now, these are the kind of people I'm attracting in my office. But I love my women. Like, I think they're, I have, I attract really great members into our database and great daters and all that stuff. So I'm not that worried. With men, though, it's like, that's like, that's like the shocking part. I think a lot of people are like, oh, he must be looking for a model if they're paying Maria's high-end fees and, you know, their CEOs or celebrities. And, yeah, some of them are looking for models, but some of them are looking for women who are conventionally attractive or curvy or shorter or taller or.

In the matchmaking world, it's not the same as fate world. So, like, taller men, they usually want taller women. A taller man, if he wants a woman who's shorter, he'll just go to a bar. Like, he doesn't need to come to me and pay my fees for that stuff. Right. So what they do usually ask for is not physical looks at first. ask for, it's like, it's crazy because even if he's 26 or 62, they say the exact same things in my office, which is like, she needs to have a passion. I don't want her to just,

like, want to wait around for my life. I mean, we talked about this last week. Last week, we actually were like, we're going to pause dating stuff and we're going to talk about job stuff. And the girl we had on to the best thing she said, if somebody asked you for a pre-nup, would you have anything to sign for? And if it's no, put your head down and go to work. Yeah. And I loved that. And I think that, like, it's true. I think it's so smart. And she's just fine. And then. What's finding what you're finding a passion. But this is like men are asking for this. Yeah, but every man I know.

Like every, you're so right. Does it matter if it's like my brother who I think is the most amazing guy in the world to like some trash bag of a guy friend I have? You know what I mean? Like they're all like just, I think they feel like a woman talking passionately is like the ultimate turn on. Oh yeah.

I don't know if they want like super crazy feminist politics. Some men do but like that's, but a lot of men want something passionate. Even if it's just like dogs or something. I was thinking volunteering at a shelter. Yeah, a passion. They're looking for a passion. And then the second thing is making him feel good on a date.

So I already said this before, but it just, you know, what does that mean? Is she emotionally intelligent? Like they actually use these words in my office and I'm like shocked. Does she, can she show gratitude and appreciation? Like I don't want her like take her to go to the Caribbean for a nice vacation and her not say thank you. Totally. Especially the guys you're dealing with. Well, imagine like, imagine like.

Imagine why they're saying this to me. Like usually whatever, when I ask someone, men or women, when I ask them, what are you looking for in a partner? And that's a question we ask in our office four times a day minimum for the last 10 years. They always, the first three things that come out of their mouth is whatever they're missing from their last relationship. So if a woman goes, he needs to be honest. Oh my God, you got cheated on. I'm so sorry. But you're right.

These men, clearly you're dealing with men that have money and status and power and these things. Clearly they felt taken advantage of in some way by some past relationship. and they felt like they may have had what like a gold digger situation or they felt like they did a lot of things for some girl. She wasn't appreciative. Or like I had clients who like broke off engagements after a pre-up, you know, like there was a pre-up situation where no one was signing. And they were like, well, I'm, you know, a super millionaire now because of my success. I need to make sure that you didn't meet me at this bar because someone whispered to you, oh, my God, look who that is. Right.

Yeah. You know, and that's another reason why a lot of our clients hire us is. It's just like, you know, when you go on a date through me, I don't tell you who the client is. It just give you like a little blurb, but nothing Googleable. and this way you're kind of going in there with like open cards. You're not trying to be a facade to get this guy, you know. So just too, you know, it's very different. The genders are just wired really differently.

Do you feel like you see a lot of people that what they're telling you they want? You're like, oh, honey, no. Yeah, so I always tell this. Like I tell my clients, I'm going to be your big sister, even if you're like 55. But like tough love. Tough love. No nonsense. I feel like that's all my reviews online are like, Maria's no nonsense.

And it's true. because I always tell people like, you're going to tell me what you want, but I'm going to also use my own experience of like what works. We would love to have you here for the whole day, but we're going to wrap up with a new segment that we designed for you. Because we got so many amazing questions from people yesterday to ask you. I'm like nervous and excited at the same time right now, so let's just do this. Nothing you say is wrong because you are the expert.

So we are going to fire questions at you. We're going to do a lightning round and you have 30. seconds to answer each question. Oh, my goodness. Okay. Don't be scared. I'm not scared. Are you going to time this right?

Time Nazi. Okay. What is too big of an age difference for compatibility reasons, if at all? Obviously, there's case-by-case bases where it's like, wow, these people are really aligned. And the first couple I think about is Amal Clooney and George. Yeah. But generally speaking, I would say maybe up to 20 years difference. Well, they have 18.

But I would, look, I think the average should be 12. Okay. But maybe I'd go up to 20. Okay. Does it depend on what age the person is at, right? So for a 20-year-old, there's a different answer to that question than a 30-year-old. Yes. So I think if you're over 35 years old, then we can talk about 20-year differences.

Okay. But if you're under 30, let's max it out at 10. 10, 12. Okay. Next question. What is essential to talk about on a first date? Oh, my God. You only do this in 30 seconds.

Okay. I can do 45. Essential. I love it when people talk about their days, not what they do. So talk about what you did last weekend on your date and let that organically flow into the next conversation about what you plan to do the next weekend. That usually could tell someone a lot more about you and your lifestyle, like where they fit in. Do not say on dates how busy you are. Just say, this is what I do for fun.

Let it speak for itself. Let it. Yeah. Let yourself sound busy. Okay. Okay, so second part of that. Oh, okay. Sorry.

I'm excited. Second part of that, what is a good first date activity? Okay, so I think you're asking the wrong question. I think first dates can be anywhere because you can meet someone and just go for a drink or coffee even. That's fine because it's not a lot of pressure. I think what's important is the second date because that's what cultivates into a relationship. That's the springboard, right? Because the first date's the ladder up.

Right. Second date is springboard. And the second date must always be an activity. Never go on a second date. That's not an activity. All right. So like a walk around Central Park. going rock climbing in Brooklyn, go bowling.

Like, we do a lot of activity dates that are, like, that's what constantly we're doing in our office. And, you know, or if you go to a cocktail bar, like my husband took me, do a, you know, mixology and learn, you know, taste different vodkas or tequila. Like, make it a fun game. Okay. Next question. Is it true that we're attracted to people who look like us? I think, I think the more you date someone, the more you begin to look like each other. I know, like my parents like totally look alike now.

I think my husband and I look alike now. Yeah. You start to turn into each other. But that's because we have the same like reactions to things. Yeah. What is the biggest indicator of long-term compatibility? Sharing values. Oh, my gosh.

And a great way to do that is if you're wondering what should be on your list is ask yourself, well, kind of what are the characteristics you would like the future father of your kids to have or the future mother of your house, the mother of your kids to have? Make that list. and that is the list that you should be looking for a partner. And that is what's going to keep you together. So values and a relatively shared lifestyle doesn't have to be the exact same because you'll grow your own lifestyle.

But oh my God, values are just so important. Totally. Does Dick Size ever come into play? Professionally? Like, are women like, I got to have a big, does that ever happen? I've hardly heard that twice in my office. I can tell you about the crazy meetings. I can't tell you about all of them.

But, like, you know, I've had one guy ask me if I can do some to a dominatrix who would cage him on the weekends and not let him eat. Obviously, I didn't take him on as a client. But I was just like, okay, that's a person that exists in Manhattan. Got it. The one-third. Yeah. A datable man. No, I'm just kidding.

And he was like a high-powered politician, too, so I thought it was really funny. What was the, what was it? Oh, do people ask about dicks? So it happened twice. Two freaks out there. Yeah. So I don't think it happens a lot. I think it's kind of like understood that you want someone who's going to be sexually.

addable to you. By the way, there are women with shallow vaginas who only want to meet men with small penises. We talk about this other thing. Okay, next question. Go right now. Do you believe in the concept of love at first sight? I believe in lost that for sight. I think love is something you build into. And if I could segue into this about my company's name, Agopi match. Agopi means love and Greek. And Greek people have thousands of phrases for love, like the Eskimos have thousands of words for snow. But we have five specific words for love. Agapi's on condition, like the ultimate love, right? Eros is erotic love, lust, philia, friendly love,

Storgi, which is love that a parent has for a child. And last but not least, and I think you'll notice this in a lot of your relationship, is mania. And that's mania. That's bad love. So Greek people have a word for bad love? Oh, wow. So have you ever been a relationship where you like, you kind of love, you love this person, but you can't stop fighting.

You want to, like, pulling your hair out. Yes. That's mania. That's not a goppy. Right. And the only time that, like, it feels good is when you stop fighting and, like, the bad, the good times feel so much. much better than like an average good time because the shitty times are so bad.

That's the mania pulling you through. That's a really strong love. I want to wrap up. I want to thank you. The lightning round was awesome. Yeah. I'm so glad you to that. I want to wrap up.

I want to tell everybody where they can find you. I think people are going to be so excited to like learn more about your business. And we are going to put in our Instagram story, swipe up so the books you mentioned, your website, all these things that people can find you. But tell people where they can find you. Great. So you can find me. I'll be seen Instagram or Twitter at.

as matchmaker Maria. Okay. You can also find me on my website, AgopiMatch.com. That's A-G-A-P-E-Match.com. And of course, you should absolutely join my database. We do not match only in New York City. We have affiliates all across the world that we work with every single day. Okay.

I personally talk to 60 matchmakers every single week. And we would love to set you up eventually if we can. Also, we have a lot of events and adventures happening in the new year. to sign you up on those things, but we'll tell you more about that in our newsletter. Cool. Yeah. Check out of the website, sign up for the newsletter. This was so great.

Thank you for being here. And then, guys, as always, you can check our website for upcoming shows. Don't forget the holiday spectacular December 18th. You can get tickets now. Chicago is sold out in November, but you can still get meet and greet tickets. Because we are awesome to meet and to greet. As always, you guys can find us on Instagram at Girls Gotty Podcast. Keep putting us in those Instagram stories.

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Okay, guys, have a great week. Thanks, guys. Bye.