Girls Gotta Eat - The Best and Worst Cities for Dating
Episode Date: January 29, 2024Is where you live helping or hurting your likeliness to find love? We are breaking down the US (and beyond) for dating, using a recent report that ranked 182 cities, our own experiences, and those of ...our listeners. Get ready because we're unpacking the truth about Denver, the top Peter Pan cities, best cities to be single in, best cities for settling down, NYC vs. LA, why Austin fucks, the overwhelming response about Chicago, why Boston needs to "studied by scientists," and so much more. We also discuss the idea of moving for a better dating scene and things to consider. Before we dive into our topic, we're catching up on a guy who resurfaced in Rayna's DMs, and Ashley uncovering peoples' secret Internet lives. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at quince.com/gge. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Natural Vitality CALM: Get 20% off your purchase at naturalvitality.com with code GGE20. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I would have no luck in Denver.
I'll tell you what.
I could go to Austin and be married in one week.
Oh, girls got to eat.
Welcome back.
I am in jeans.
Raina.
A third time ever.
This is a cry for help.
Look, Azul's even coming over to help you.
I love these jeans.
They're stretchy.
So can we talk about the decision?
Yeah.
What, you don't like them?
I love your whole vibe.
I look great today.
But you can't just come out in jeans when, what, a couple months ago, you were like,
you must be a serial killer to wear jeans to record a podcast.
So let's talk about it.
These are my stretchy jeans.
I just got them at Everlane.
I love them.
But we were recording an ad for Vives Only in the house because we bought these new products.
And I just wanted to look kind of cute.
So I'm wearing my Target, Amora shirt.
And my new Everlane jeans.
And we're both in Birkenstocks.
We moved to California and became Birkenstock people.
So these, if you're watching on YouTube, also we have another angle today.
Hi, to the second angle.
These are
Bergenstock
collab with Stussie
Sussie
How do you spell it?
Oh no
Sparkleias is going to be so mad
I should have checked
the pronunciation
You know that brand
Raina that's like a 90s
like Paxon style brand
Stucy
Sussie
sticky pussy
Can you look up Stoosie versus Stacey
Tessa
Anyway
He loves that brand
This is a gift
This is a Christmas gift
One of my three gifts
And I'm obsessed with these
And they're an open toe, but fur lined.
The only way in California?
And you said, didn't you say one of our friends was like,
this is the only place where you could be out here, toes out with fur.
Fur sandals.
But I'm like so obsessed with these.
Are they so fun?
I've been having fur sandals.
And this full white outfit with a black dog.
Like, I'm living on the edge.
Oh, I know.
He's been so sweet lately.
Are you always so sweet?
I think we've been really bonding on the weekends.
Like, we do like a long hike every weekend.
He did miss me, but I really, I'm really trying to give him his best life,
and I feel like it's really paying off.
He's been, like, really cuddly.
You know, he's not much of a cuddler.
He's been really cuddly with me, too.
I know.
Well, he knows you need help because you're wearing jeans.
He knows something's real.
It's not about that.
I'm not insulting the jeans.
I'm excited about the jeans.
It's just like, I want to make sure you're okay, honestly.
Well, I did it because we were filming some stuff.
I love my outfit today.
I look amazing.
I was like, oh my gosh, should I wear red everything.
day forever. You don't need to be defensive.
I hate when you defend yourself and somebody is like,
stop being defensive. Yeah, I'm defending myself. I think about you
saying that all the time. That's my line. I hate that. People will attack you
and then say you sound defensive. Yeah, well, I'm defending myself. You
came at me. I'm playing defense.
Crazy. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Like I dare to stick up for me.
Like when people, you know, are trying to like cancel someone or trying to take someone
down or just attacking them and then
They apologize, which, you know, granted apologies are in order,
but then it's like, that sounded defensive.
Well, I don't know.
You tried to ruin my life.
What did you expect?
I hate, like, you sound defensive.
It's like, well, I am defending myself.
There's nothing wrong with plain defense sometimes.
There's some things I hear in your voice specifically, and that's the one.
Yeah, I'm defending myself.
You attacked me.
Okay.
Azul is like cudd.
You know, like, a hard cuddle?
This is a hard cuddled.
He is hard-leined.
He's not like that with everybody right now.
It's really, you're so lucky.
Is he like this with Sparklil?
It's really a blessing.
They do have a really cute bond.
But like, like, he lays on his side of the bed when Sparklizes in the bed as well, lays over there.
He does he mean he only sits in my seat on this couch.
He wants a dad.
He wants a two-parent household.
So when you're around the dad.
Yeah.
You're his little dad.
Okay, so we are headed to Miami this week.
Oh, yeah.
First trip of the year.
Uh-huh.
Which I haven't packed a suitcase in a minute.
I don't even remember how to do it.
Do you remember how to pack?
How do the airports work?
This is the longest we've ever not traveled.
And we're recording us a little ahead of time.
It's like three weeks we haven't traveled.
Yeah.
I came back to L.A.
You too.
We got back right after Christmas between Christmas and New Year's and a full month.
I'm not sure I'm like, oh my God, we're such jet-setters.
I don't think that we have been in L.A.
A full month since we moved here.
Maybe the very first month.
The very first month.
Because you forced me to be, I was like, what are we going to do for the whole month?
And you, I don't know, Raina.
Like, enjoy living in L.A.
No, we, the last year, 2023, you were like, let's do shows in January.
And I was like, Raina, no, we're moving to a new place.
Like, we are giving it one full month.
So we haven't had a full month here since last year in January.
It's been great.
It's been like relaxing and we kind of were having a little bit of a freak out.
Like, oh my God, our lives are just slower.
They're not as exciting.
And then it just got really nice.
We leaned in and been making a lot of plans and doing hikes.
I've been making plans.
I have an update for you.
You waited me out and I like plans.
You have it on your playing game
If you guys are like newer to the show
I always thought that I like really planned a lot
Ashley plans and I just show up
That is our vibe always
I don't know if she can plan for me
You know you have like a couple friends
You like trust their plans
Ashley's that friend
She'll just be like here's the itinerary
And I'm like sounds good fam
And also if it doesn't sound good to me
I didn't volunteer to help
So what are you gonna do about it?
Right you can't be mad
You know
So I have never been the planner
In the relationship it's always you
You're just like here's the itinerary
But L.A you make a plan
or you're not going anywhere.
And I started to feel like towards the end of the year,
like, I have not left the house in a week.
Like if you just don't make plans,
you just don't do anything here.
So I've been really enjoying plans.
We're going to go see Mean Girls.
We just have all these plans.
I'm excited.
Last weekend, as we were recording,
which would probably be two weeks ago at this point.
But it was Friday, we were like,
oh my God, we don't have any plans.
And then I randomly saw that Chris DeStefano
was going to be here at the Wiltern.
So we went and saw him.
And then Brittany Schmidt,
who was our guest a few weeks ago,
filmed her special.
So we had like a full comedy weekend,
and Andrew Santino did a guest spot on Chris's show,
so we hung out with Chrissy and Andrew,
and we're trying to get him on the podcast
because he is just the fucking funniest.
Yeah.
We have not spent this much solo time together, socialized,
and we don't do a lot of socialized.
We do here.
Rayna, welcome to our lives.
We've been saying that since we moved to L.A.,
we are a hang out all the time.
Solo.
We have the receipts we set on this podcast.
Oh, solo.
Solo.
I mean, but we're always doing stuff.
It's not just me,
me and you don't go to dinner.
That would be crazy.
Asked me if I wanted to go to dinner or Brittany's show and I was like, really?
That is the funniest thing.
Rain and I have never been like, hey girl, you want to go to dinner?
You asked me if I want to go to the dinner on Sunday, where Brittany's show.
And I was like, this is weird.
It was a little weird.
It was a little weird.
But we, I said yes.
I was like, she won't follow through this.
Well, then we end up going to the early show, whatever.
It's like not important.
But we eat a ton of meals together and like, we'll go eat here and there.
But it's very weird.
Like, I would never be like, I should make a dinner reservation for me and Raina.
Like we see each other all the time.
Do you think if we make our relationship stronger if we did solo hangs at bars?
No.
Laughing at me.
That is so funny.
We're like best friends, life partners.
You're like, should we go to bars?
Hear me out.
Hear me out.
Bars.
We go to happy hour.
Ever heard of it.
Ever heard of it.
We just don't, so, we're not just like, hey, you know what we fun is a solo hang.
Yeah.
Because I guess our whole lives are a hilly.
Yeah.
No, you're right.
We went and like did the solo.
comedy shows together and it's always a little awkward. I'd feel weird when I'm alone with you.
Are you kidding? Are you serious? I'm like, what if we don't have anything to talk about?
I'm being serious. I was kidding. You were serious. You were serious, Raina? I was like, what's
you just say yes to stuff? You don't even know what you're agreeing to? Okay. We saw this comedian
say this thing. He was like, you know, just sometimes lie about stuff up here? Like, sometimes people
say seven i just say yes but anyway i want to back up because we are going to miami and we were getting
ready for miami because we got our faces injected i thought you were going to say we have a show this weekend
we do have a show let's talk about our faces then we'll talk about the show we went to barrett beverly
hills you know what's so funny about that visit was that so dr barrett did my boobs my third book job and i'm
there all the time yeah i'm never not there getting laser work done having them look at my boobies
they did an amazing job, but I forgot you had him met him.
I met him one time briefly in the hallway.
And I was like, oh my God, because I'm like a stand because I follow him on Instagram.
He's an incredible follow.
He's a ton of followers.
He's like a celebrity surgeon, and I love his whole vibe.
I love his knowledge and how he's really someone that wants to make you look like natural
and he doesn't want to just inject you so you look like crazy.
And I just love everything he stands for.
And I love his videos and his TikToks and his reels and stuff.
So it's like, oh my God, Dr. Barrett.
And then he did all of our procedures the other day.
So it was really like being in the best hands possible.
And just always want to say that that is like so important.
Like just do what it takes to go to someone that is reputable.
You know, you don't need to be a double board certified surgeon.
Like there's amazing injectors everywhere.
But like a really reputable practice is just so important.
Because I'm like, you were getting needles to the face.
Things can go wrong.
It's super rare.
But it never happens with the people that really know what they're doing.
And so I got my doxify.
and I did my lip flip, which is something that I have been getting that I really love,
and that is just, I get daxify now, but if you do Botox, whatever,
and they just put a little bit of that on the top of your lip,
and it kind of makes your top lip look a little fuller and not have like a gummy smile.
I've been getting that and really liking it and did a little filler, and so did you,
and we just had a great experience, and it's like one of the, it's actually,
that's when we really bond one-on-one.
That is, yes, we film each other.
We don't go to dinner, but we go get needles to the face together.
Well, I took laughing gas this time.
You did.
I don't know if they do this for everybody.
I have no idea.
They are a practice that does pro nox, and so you can always request the laughing gas.
Ashley's the doctor.
And it's just so, okay, so it's really funny.
So I always get chin filler because it's just a long aches my face.
And I look the way it looks.
But you always get like a little, it almost looks like there's like dirt on your chin.
It has nothing to do Dr. Barrett every time I've ever gotten it in my life.
It's very common to have little bruises from filler.
It's a personal thing.
I've gotten jaw and never, I've never bruised from filler.
No, but I bring this up.
So I always bruised from filler.
But it was so funny because, like, in New York, I used to try to cover it up in L.A.
I just don't.
Like, I went to aeron with, like, a big bruised chin because I'm just like,
everybody in L.A.
knows what that is.
Like, there's just little pinprick bruises all over your chin.
And everybody's, like, filler.
Like, men probably know what it is in L.A.
That's so funny.
I went straight to lunch with Brittany after.
And you do look a little beat up, you know, like even just I don't, like, bruise like
Rana.
But, you know, I have little, like you said, needlepricks, a little blood, like a little,
not a blood gushing, let's be real.
But, you know, if you get Botox or Filler, you look a little fucked up very briefly.
Like, by the time I go to bed that night, I'd look totally fine.
But I go straight out into the world.
I don't even think twice about it.
I went straight from getting Botox and filler, which, you know, freaks me out so bad.
And I went straight to get laser.
I was like, fuck my whole face up and then fuck my laser hair removal.
Yes.
Yeah, Rain is on this journey too, you guys.
I went straight.
And I was just like, let's knock it all out in one day.
So two weeks ago, we talked about how a friend said she didn't want to get laser hair removal.
on her pussy because she doesn't want to see it when she gets older.
Yeah.
As in like she doesn't want all the hair to be gone.
She just want to see her like wrinkled sphinx cat pussy.
I started thinking like after we recorded that, I was like, oh, but it would be like gray, which is worse.
Gray bush or which is fine.
We just love gray hair, you know, but we love.
We think it's a privilege.
My body hair is blonde.
It's one step away.
But then I got a lot of DMs.
from listeners who work with the elderly who work in, you know, nursing homes or just are their nurses,
or they work in hospice, which is just like such an honorable profession.
And they were like, no, you lose that hair.
You're going to see it no matter what.
They were like, you don't have a full bush at 80 ladies.
That's, why?
You lose it.
You just lose because you're not using it.
You don't use it.
You lose.
So thank you to the girlies who messaged me and told me about elderly.
elderly pussies.
I didn't know.
Now we know.
So don't let that hold you back
because you're not going to have
that full bush anyway.
Marina, I'm trying to spread the word.
You know I can't grow a full bush
anyways.
It's always been your problem.
I'm insecure about it
because I want to have like 1970s bush.
No, you don't.
And I can't grow it.
And like I want like a little volume.
There's no volumes for my bush.
Yes.
I have no bush volume.
There's no purpose of me having any bush
because it's not fun.
It's not fun looking.
Well, I don't know if I said this before, but I threw in my legs last time.
So I'm getting my legs done.
If I can never shave again, the hobbies I'm going to pick up with that time,
the amount of time I'm going to get back.
I can't relate, because your legs are three times as long as my lap.
Yeah, it takes me an hour.
Can you imagine?
Never shaving again.
Didn't you tell me, though, that you don't shave your thighs?
I don't shave my thighs.
That's insane.
There's not a lot of hair there.
Like, they're not, first of all, it's like, sometimes I like a little, like, glisten.
There's a break below your knees where the hair grows extra.
So this has come up.
I've seen this in meme culture of like, why don't some girls do this?
Wow.
Because did our moms tell us not to.
I think our mom told us.
My mom did.
Yeah, like your mom may have told you don't shave above your knees.
I just don't really need to.
There's not, they're not hairy up there.
So fast.
So yeah, I'm only getting laser on my lower legs.
That's a thing.
It's on the menu.
Lower legs.
85 bucks.
I get really bumpy if I don't shave my upper legs.
I never started and...
What's crazy.
I'm not finishing.
I forget.
I forget that you don't shave your thighs.
So sometimes when the light catches, I'll be like, oh, that's a patch of hair.
But I don't care.
It's like pretty and blonde.
But you don't have the problem that I do.
It's like, it gets bumpy.
Yeah, there's never been like a stubble situation on my thighs.
Oh, real?
And then there's no hair in like the backs of my thighs.
Just cellulite.
I have all of it.
Also, last thing of you guys are coming to the Miami show, if you're coming to EatsCon with the infatuation coming to see us on February 4th, which was Dewey's Gotcha Day, RIP, send us any stories or tea that you have. If you have a roast of the friends you're coming with, if you have tea on your partner that you're coming with, or you just have like a crazy, funny Miami dating story, whatever you have for Miami, if you're going to be in the audience, share. If we read your story, you'll get a gift. I think we can say that. We have a lot of stuff to give away.
We have some custom shirts just for Miami we're going to be giving away.
And of course, there are still some tickets left.
And so it's just a $30 festival pass and you get entry in and then you get to come to our show.
So we're really excited.
So we will see you in Miami this weekend.
So on our show, if you guys are coming, it's Sunday at 4.30 p.m.
So we'll see you guys there.
We probably only have one other show besides this until September.
So come.
Yeah.
We'll see you there.
So something I wanted to ask you about.
I like conversations to start with us.
Do you ever see like a friend or a family member on Instagram or wherever TikTok trolling?
Like sometimes positively, but that you didn't expect it.
It is like catching someone with their pants down.
I feel like I'm the person that does that.
Like I'm the person in the page six like in the comments like talking shit on people.
Like I worry that other people are going to see it.
But I do it sometimes because I'm like, Ashley will see this at some point and it will like make
her laugh. Yes. I did used to catch you, usually trolling about Tristan Thompson.
That's how I saw my friend. On all the gossip sites, all the gossip accounts. But I saw my brother.
My brother, my brother is a new father. He runs a company. He is a busy man. No one's
busier than Matt. Matt supports his family. He is so busy all the time. Has time to be trolling
about January 6th, rioters. No. I saw this on January 6th. He took the day.
He observed the day.
No, there was some interview with some woman.
She was one of the infamous January 6th insurrectionist who was banging through a wind.
Insurrectionist.
Yeah.
Like, some of the community.
That's the thing.
Who is like going to jail, which as all these people should be.
Yeah.
And they were doing an interview with her.
And I didn't watch the whole interview.
She wasn't really giving too much remorse.
you know, and they're showing clips of her, like, unhinged on January 6th, outside the Capitol.
If you're scaling those walls, you don't have a lot of remorse.
You know what you're doing.
It's not like, oops, I didn't mean to be there.
I disagree.
Those people did not think they were going to go to jail.
I really think those people felt empowered to do what they did.
I don't think any...
Empowered, but I'm saying remorseful is different.
Like, nobody's like, I didn't know what I was doing.
It was an accident.
You guys don't get it.
Who knows what those freaks thought, but...
My brother.
Like, the story...
I mean, listen, I didn't watch a whole interview,
but it wasn't giving like redemption story.
You know what I mean?
Like she obviously is still probably like super maga.
And I'm like, I gotta get in this comment section.
Top of the comment.
Matt Hustledine.
Have fun in prison, goon.
You found out your brother is trolled people online.
He was like, ha ha ha ha, have fun in prison, you goon.
Goon.
This makes me, I love him so much.
This makes me like him even more.
He does not like get down like that, but I was like, I love what he stands for.
It's so petty.
I know.
I love his stance on things.
And are, you are, you're, you're,
thing used to really be heavy on Tristan Thompson.
Like, I would always see you and whatever
e-news, page 6, say, and just...
And then sometimes I'll write, like,
I feel like that they're really picking on somebody that doesn't
deserve it. I'll just rate, who cares?
Yeah. Sometimes I'll like random stuff on the internet, hoping
you'll see it. Just to make you laugh.
Like, I'll just be scrolling through, like, the feed.
I'll just like something random. I'm like, actually, I'll maybe see
that I'm involved in this. Yeah, and I don't
support, like, troll behavior. Like, I find it,
like, really disgusting. Like, don't get it twisted.
But, like, January 6, rioters...
He's just to take down our capital building.
or democracy.
Like, sorry, have fun in prison, Goon.
Goon.
Have you ever heard him say that before?
No.
Goon.
You think he was like, got him.
I just think it's so funny that people have a secret life.
Did you mention this to him?
Did you say, like, hey, Goon.
I haven't mentioned this to him yet.
You should, like, casually drop Goon
in a conversation a couple times
and just see if he picks up on it.
Like, Ashley found out about my secret internet life.
Yeah.
Like, it really feels like you just, like,
walked it on somebody doing something,
you know, when you, like, see it.
I love it.
So anyway, I think if it's like all in good fun or it really is saying something like something like that,
I think it can be really funny.
Obviously, I don't condone like trolling behavior.
But yeah, I like when you see people's secret life.
I love it.
It's funny if you were dating somebody and like you didn't know and then you saw their secret troll life.
I don't know what I would do.
It would give me the X so bad.
Like those things, like that is a fear.
And when you newly are dating somebody, like they have a weird internet life.
I mean, you know that like I see guys.
that have dated that have been like comedians and I'll see them post a clip I don't like and I'm out on them.
So like this kind of stuff like they put it on the internet knowing people are going to see that.
Yeah.
Knowing that I was going to see that.
Like I once dated a guy and things were going great and we were getting to know each other and really liking each other.
And then I saw his Twitter.
And I was like, I wish I never saw this.
What are you doing?
Who's this for?
Like it will really like turn you all.
Fuck yeah.
I mean, like that's a normal.
Normal person. Comedians, I can't believe it's worth or better, but if I see you, like, you've dedicated your life to the craft and you post a clip and I'm like, did you forget to tell a joke? Yeah. It gives me the X so bad. Right. Where's the joke? It is crazy to remember the days where you saw people's likes. That is insane. Like, that was a crazy time. I know. Like, you could see people's, what they were liking, like, in your feed. Who they were following? Remember the whole news feed was just like meant to catch your boyfriend doing?
in shady shit.
Like, it was designed to catch someone shady,
doing shady shit.
Like, why else did that exist?
That was crazy.
I feel like they really removed a tool,
a tool that really helped people catch you.
Why they do that?
I think because people were like,
I will take you down, Mark.
Okay, you ended my marriage mark.
Maybe that's why.
But, like, I miss that.
Do you have the thing,
I haven't turned off so I can't see other people's.
Do you have the thing that says,
like, the last time you were active?
Oh, like in the DMs.
No, I had that turned off.
so long ago.
Me too.
And it's so funny
because people will be like,
Ashley,
I can't respond to your story.
I'm like, yeah.
It's on an accident.
You know,
when we first started to get like a following,
people would just,
it would be just,
my whole inbox would be strangers
being like, ha, ha, ha, ha.
I'm like, no,
you can't, like,
just respond.
Yeah, I turn that off here.
Someone will, like, send me my story,
but like, I couldn't respond
to your story.
I'm like, that's the support.
Yeah, I did on purpose.
We love you guys,
but, you know, we did on purpose.
Even my now boyfriend
couldn't respond to my story.
When he first DMU.
It's no shade.
I heard from this.
Ashley, you're going to die.
I have an update.
What?
Okay.
I heard from this guy yesterday.
What?
December 30th, 2022.
Okay.
This guy was trolling Jeremy.
Like my best friend Jeremy.
Yeah.
Your friend Jeremy.
And it was funny.
It made me laugh.
And so he was like 6.4.
So he was hot.
So I slid to his DMs.
Rana, I swear to God, if someone's ever trolling me and you're like, I could fuck him.
I'll be so mad at you.
Like, where's your loyalty?
I was sitting next to Jeremy when I did this.
Oh, okay, okay.
So he knows I did this.
Okay.
I think he told Jeremy like, I'll, I'll, Emma, you point two cents to shut the fuck up.
It was like in good fun.
Yes, it was in good fun.
So I said the two cent Venmo was very funny.
We're laughing about it.
So he and I like DMed a little bit.
I remember this.
It's all coming back to me.
It's all coming back to me.
He basically asked me to hang out.
If you want to grab lunch.
Recently?
December 2020.
Oh, back then.
If you want to grab lunch or something,
I would love to show you some gems in L.A.
And so I said that's great.
I'm down.
He said, I'm on it.
My Sunday's open.
What do you like in L.A.?
Yeah.
So we moved to L.A. in January.
This is the very end of December of 2022.
So I'm telling this guy, moving to Venice.
He asked me, what's your plan next Sunday?
I tell him the day I'm moving.
He said, great.
We'll chat soon.
And I said, great, let's.
And then he gives me the high five.
And then I never hear from me.
him again.
Okay,
until yesterday.
They always come back.
Hey,
hope your first year in L.A.
was a blast.
Hope you had a good year.
That's insane,
Raina,
because most people...
We had plans inside January.
Sunday,
the first week of January.
Hope you've had a good year.
Do you hear me?
Like, someone touches base
on a Monday.
Hope you had a good weekend.
He touches base a year later.
Hope you've had a good year.
He said, have a good weekend.
We'll chat soon.
I said, yes, I'll like a year later.
30th, 2020, and yesterday.
Yeah, this is insane.
Yesterday.
Hey, I hope you charged you now.
It was a blast.
Just following up here casual 12 months later to see if you want to grab a bite.
I'm obsessed with this.
And I said, you just wanted to see if I'd survive the first year.
And I'll let you guys know what happens.
That's his requirement to date someone.
They have to make it one year.
Yes, he's hot, Ashley.
Oh, I remember this.
It's all coming back to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He is just, what is it called?
He's circling the drain.
The wagons.
That's not what that means.
What does circle the wagons mean?
That means like if Sparkle-Eyes and you broke up,
I would like send a group text to everybody
and be like, it's time to circle the wagons.
Oh, just to like get everybody together.
Oh, okay.
That's what like circle the wagons means.
Oh, I thought it meant when a guy just contacts every girl he's ever had
interaction with to see who can bite.
But I like circling the drain.
He hasn't gone down the drain yet.
Yes, he's just circling the drain.
Like a stubborn hair.
Yes.
Ew.
Okay, actually, I had a debate with something about this.
Speaking of like terms that are misused.
So I sent Melanie this text.
I was making fun of Taylor Swift not laughing at a joke hoist joke.
We were just talking about that.
Which I am glad she didn't laugh because his monologue was terrible.
Yes.
And after the Barbie joke, the Taylor Swift joke was whatever.
I think if it had been a different host, she would have laughed.
Yes.
If he had told those jokes and I was her, I would have sat there stone cold to make a statement.
But anyway.
Obviously we're talking about the Oscars.
Yes.
Golden Globes.
The Golden Globes?
It's the same thing.
No.
The Golden Globes are similar to the Oscars.
They're just like more fun.
They're not the same thing.
The Academy Awards and the Oscars are the same.
Oh, okay.
So I knew like two things was the same thing.
Did she
That's not what I was debating
Okay
So anyways
I was just like
It doesn't surprise me
That Taylor Swift like
Isn't like playing into this
She just doesn't seem like
Somebody whatever
So Melanie
She called me back
And she said
You're barking up the wrong tree here
That is so funny
She called you like
You're barking up the wrong tree with this
And she said
And I do like a check with myself
I'm like
Barking up the wrong tree to me
And I want you to explain this to me
Like, it means like you have entered the wrong neighborhood here.
Yeah, do not fuck with me.
Don't fuck with me on that.
And she's so funny.
She's like, you're barking up the wrong tree.
And I hear her say that.
I'm like, I bet you she couldn't identify more than three Taylor Swift songs.
She does not care.
Well, it's, she doesn't care.
Also, you're barking up the wrong tree is like a threat.
That's what I said.
And I said that you did not use this in the right context.
you called me and you said you're barking up the wrong tree,
which is what my parents used to say to me right before I got hit.
And she said, that's not what that means,
and don't bring your child in trauma into this.
What does she think it means?
She said it just means, like, I don't have like a dog in this fight.
That's the term.
And I was like, she's getting her dog phrases confused.
Her dog.
I was worried about this for a long time.
She was like, it just means, like, I don't know anything about this.
I don't care about this.
No.
She doesn't know anything about Taylor's,
so she has no thoughts or feelings.
Like, she knows she's a person,
and I'm sure she's listening to Soverevoo.
She doesn't care.
Did you guys ever once think to Google this?
No.
I specifically said it's a threat.
Yeah.
It has a negative, like, aggressive connotation.
It doesn't mean, like, I don't care.
I mean, to her point, I guess there's a world in which it's like,
you're telling this to the wrong person.
You know what I mean?
At its baseline, it does mean that.
But that, your bargain of the wrong treat is supposed to be said in a threatening manner.
It's not like you're talking.
you're talking to the wrong person.
But what is she trying to say?
She just meant, I have no dog in this fight.
She just meant like I have no thoughts or feelings about it.
I said, like, doesn't surprise me, Taylor Swift can't take a joke.
I think she just meant I don't, I couldn't tell you yes or no.
I don't care.
Got it.
Yeah, I get that because there's some people, you know, every once in a while you'll tell something to a friend
or your boyfriend or whoever and they're like, I'm the wrong audience.
I'm the wrong audience.
Yeah.
When she said, don't bring.
Can I see wrong audience?
Good answer.
She said don't bring your childhood trauma.
I'm so dead.
So I really was like,
does everybody know that this is a threat or am I wrong?
So I think that I'm right.
And everybody knows.
I love that you Google this
and there's just a bunch of pictures of tree cartoons.
It's to be pursuing a mistake
in her misguided line of thought or course of action.
She sent me that and I was like, that's wrong.
Yeah, his wife thinks he's under suspicion
but I'm sure she's barking up the wrong tree.
Yeah, I mean, I do think of it as more of a threat,
but I guess it can mean you're looking in the wrong direction.
She literally sent me that definition.
And like the last time I probably said that,
because I don't really work that phrase into my life that often.
Yeah.
My dad's, my dad's last wife was like talking shit on my fiancee to me.
And she just kept doing it and laughing.
And I was like, you're barking up the wrong tree on this one.
Yeah.
And I think it can mean just misguided,
but I think she just meant to say like wrong audience.
Yes.
I also, listen, and I just want to say,
circle back. You want to circle the drain? I want to circle the drain on this is
people were asking me what I thought of Joe Coy's monologue. And this is like so dated at this point.
But I thought it was bad. I thought he completely bombed. You know, and then he started
to blame his writers and his lack of preparation or timing and all that kind of stuff. But the Barbie
joke was just trash. And so I do think if like Ricky Jervais or even Jim Gaffigan would have
made that joke to Taylor Swift, she probably would have laughed. Also, if you write a joke about me,
I'd like it to be funny.
Like, what he said about her,
this is so, what do you mean?
It was a joke about the NFL.
Like, I wouldn't, I would be like, that's all you got.
I didn't mind the joke.
I think it was like, at that point,
everyone was so out on him,
understandably so.
Really, it was the Barbie thing that just did it for me.
So I like that she just, like,
sipped her wine and was like,
shut the fuck up.
But I really didn't hate that joke as much.
I kind of thought it was like a little bit of a dig at the NFL
and I didn't think it was like that bad.
But I liked that she made a statement by being like,
shut the fuck up.
That's what you're saying.
Yeah.
I didn't think it was a joke about her, really.
Notoriously, I don't think she's so great at taking a joke.
Yeah.
There's some other instances, not going to get into it.
I'm not trying to get attacked by the Swifties because we do like Taylor Swift,
but there's something sometimes.
I'm like, ah, she could have, I would have let that roll off my back,
being the most famous person in the world.
And who knows what she had been dealing with that day.
Yeah.
You know, that week, that month, that year.
Yeah.
So anyways, I'm glad that we unpacked, you're barking up the wrong tree.
Yeah.
And we have one quick vibes announcement.
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Okay.
So our topic today, we are so excited to talk about best and worst cities to date in.
And this is something that Rain and I truly feel like we are experts in.
We have traveled the country, the world, really,
but we've, especially in the U.S.,
and just really made it our business to find out what dating is like in these cities,
when we're on tour, when we go on dates ourselves, like when we talk to our friends.
I feel like I have a really deep understanding of what it's like to date in a lot of the larger cities in America.
I mean, when you think about the last six years of the podcast, I've dated people, Denver,
Charleston, I've dated
Los Angeles, New York, obviously
Chicago, Dallas,
like I've really fucked around the country a lot.
Yeah, but even the information
that we've gotten from our listeners and our audience.
Like every time we would go to a city,
we would ask what the dating scene was like,
we would talk to people at length,
you know, we're like going to brunch
with a bunch of our girlfriends that live in that city,
a lot of whom may have the exact same
or similar experience. And so we have
such a grasp on this on top of
reading the books and reading the articles
and gathering the statistics. And so,
I just want to say that I really feel so excited to do this topic justice
and something that we have breadcrumpt here and there but haven't really deep dove on.
Yeah.
I mean, you really like glazed over it a little bit,
but every city that we've performed in,
really like all over Ohio and Texas and Florida,
like everywhere we ask you guys what it's like today.
We'd compile a whole list of what is the dating scene like here.
And we can give you like a real profile of all of them.
We're not going to do all of them.
I assume that that'd be fun.
Maybe in a coffee table book someday.
We've talked about it.
I feel like I really have like a profile of what people are like in every city.
Yeah.
And I want to just give a disclaimer that like this is just, it's not meant to be discouraging.
You can find someone anywhere.
All you need is one.
I remember early on when I was dating and, you know, trying to find somebody maybe when I was like in my 20s.
A guy friend said that.
Like all you need is one.
That's not some like hot take.
But it really, you know, unless you want to be in some polyammer situation.
But really all you need is one.
Like you just need to find one person.
And there are tons of people and I'm not a big believer in like one.
person on this earth for everybody. I think you can make it work. Of course, you find somebody and you
fall in love. You're like, that's my soulmate, you know, but I do really just don't want this to be like,
it's all bad out there. And we're going to say, you know, we will make generalizations that may not be
your experience. And we understand that you can't generalize every person in a city. Like, we're going to
say some things. And you guys are like, well, that's not my experience. And, you know, we just want to be
clear that there's no way to do that. You know, you can't say like all the people in the city are like this,
because that's not true,
but it really may be a common theme,
and it really may be an experience that the majority of people have.
I think that most people are like,
my city is the worst to date in.
We get that so much when we go to every city.
And I think just in general,
the dating field has changed.
The landscape of availability of options
has just changed in every single city,
and I think how respectful people are to you
and the amount of ghosting that goes on,
just in general, that's accepted,
and hookup culture, casual sex culture,
has just led to everything sucking a little bit more.
I just think that, like, we have to reframe this.
Because every person believes that their city is the worst city to date in.
We'll get to it.
For, like, X reason.
But, like, you have to be able to find ways to enjoy it.
And I do think that, like, we have a lot of advice and insight into, like,
this is how to just maximize your opportunities
or potentially move to a new city to maximize your opportunities.
Yeah.
Fish with the right pole.
Fish with the right pole.
And just to reference some previous episodes,
we love John Berger.
He is an author and an analyst, I guess you could call him,
that came on years ago.
His first book was called Datonomics.
And the second book was kind of a follow-up to Datanomics
called Make Your Move.
And he came on.
It was an episode called Where Are All the Decent Men
with author John Berger, January 2021.
And we loved the book so much,
but also he wrote it before the pandemic.
And so COVID changed a lot of things too.
Like everything is different now
with working virtually.
and things are a lot different than they used to be
in terms of like everybody in this industry
lives in this city or most people
people are just working remotely
and so it's kind of changed those cities too
like Austin is a completely different city now
than it was in 2019
2015
like it feels like L.A. light
these days you know like it has just changed drastically
which some people like some people don't
but I use as an example too
so some things from the book are dated just because they're dated
yeah I also think that people aren't socializing
the same ways they're used to
do. I mean, you just don't have
hundreds of people pouring out of every office
building at 6 o'clock every day and going
to bars and happy hours.
And so I think just the landscape has changed
in general. And I just,
I refuse to believe like it's all been out there.
You know, there's just, you've got to kind of like change your
perspective. Yeah. And the other episode
where we mentioned this was in 2023 about
freezing your eggs and that was with Marsha Inhorn
who came to us through John, right?
And we talked about some of the cities
in that too. But
the overarching theme
is when
there are more men and less women in a city
single available.
The women are treated generally better.
The men want to commit more.
Women are just more of a commodity.
And that's kind of where that balance comes in
and then in populations where the women really outnumber the men,
there is a general feeling that you may feel
like guys think they're just going to find something.
better, you feel more disposable, a lot more of the bad behavior goes on in general.
Like that is kind of how it shakes out and that's what John's book is about and that's what
you really see. And, you know, unfortunately, you know, we're talking about heterosexual relationships.
We talk about this in men and women, but men and women don't want to live in the same places a lot.
You know, like, you have a lot of women that want to be like, I want to live in New York or L.A.
And that's what they do.
And then we just outnumber. And then the men are in Alaska.
You know, like that's the theme that we just want to talk about.
out.
And that's why when we talked with John
and you'll read a lot of articles and whatnot,
like San Francisco is a lot better
for women and Seattle.
We'll get to it.
We'll get to the debunking that you guys did
when we asked you on Instagram.
But there's more cities
that really are more in favor of the women
because there's more men.
We should go there.
Well, not you anymore.
You're like a year in your relationship.
I don't know why.
It really made me laugh.
We should go there.
I'll go there.
I'll go there.
man all day. Someone emailed and they were like,
this is for Raina. How do you deal with
being single? That's how the email started.
What? It was like three sentences.
I think I, it's embarrassing.
What? It's embarrassing?
I'm just looking at our emails. One's old hairless pussy.
Yeah. Okay. The email is
question for Raina.
How do you deal with being single?
Can we get a 2024 single girl's self-love podcast?
I feel like that's me every week.
That's me every week and that's the last five and a half.
Half years of the podcast.
I mean, I was a single icon from the show for five years.
Don't do me like that.
Yeah, I've had boyfriends.
I remember.
This question is for Raina.
How do you deal with being single?
It was amazing.
We're pretty happy.
My life is good.
My life is pretty great.
And my best friend's boyfriend lives across the country.
That's how I deal with it.
So what spawned this conversation is this episode was your idea, but I just, I love this so much,
is that there was a study that came out by a company called Wallet Hub,
and it was best and worst cities for singles.
2024, you can look it up and have a ton of news outlets pick this up.
So it's in the New York Post, it's in Time Out, and what they did.
Huff Post, everybody picked it up.
And they based it on a few different things.
I also want to say, this is singles.
This is not necessarily women.
So it really just said if you're single and ready to mingle,
the city you live in could be helping or hurting your chances of finding love.
This was the new study.
Again, it's a personal finance company,
and they measured 182 U.S. cities across 35 indicators of dating friendliness that falls into three
main categories, economics, fun and recreation, and dating opportunities. So that would be the share
of the population that's single. So they did use those metrics, but again, like you have to keep
the gender balance in mind as well, which is says that they did keep that in mind. But some of this,
you know, we also asked you guys on Instagram, we got tons, thousands and thousands of responses,
and it all felt in line with what we've gathered over the years as well.
You know, like a lot of cities just have a common theme, like across the board.
So some of your answers really wouldn't align with this, but I'll read maybe the top 10 and you do the worst.
Yes.
Okay, so best cities for singles.
They rank these as some of you guys are going to listen and be like screaming.
It's so funny.
It's so funny.
But just this is not our study.
Number one was Seattle.
Two, Las Vegas, three, Denver, four, Atlanta, five, Austin, six, Reno, Nevada, seven, Tampa,
eight, Madison, Wisconsin, nine, Tucson, Arizona, and 10, Portland, Oregon.
And then after that, we have, like, Rapid City, South Dakota, San Francisco, Cincinnati,
Juneau, San Diego, Minneapolis, Boise, Pittsburgh, Honolulu, and Portland, Maine, and those are the top 20.
But I'll tell you what, it's not even close to the top 100 is New York City.
New York is 144 out of what 180 something I said.
So low on the list.
And L.A. is 29.
So not terrible.
So 29, 29 the best.
Yeah.
Whatever.
150 worst.
Yeah.
So the quote unquote worst cities for singles are just smaller places.
Columbia, Maryland, Warwick, Rhode Island, Brownsville, Texas, Glendale, California.
Pearl City, Hawaii, Dover, Delaware, Ashley.
I know. I couldn't believe it. I was like, Dover made a list.
I kind of got excited.
We're just honored to be mentioned. Jackson, Mississippi, Highley, Florida, Little Rock, Arkansas,
and Winston, Salem, North Carolina. And then rounding that out is Yonkers, New York.
So, I mean, just smaller places where there's a smaller population. There's less to do. There's
lots opportunities to meet people, obviously. Well, we're going to share our audience
responses and break those things down. But, I mean, what do you think?
what do I think are the best and the worst?
Yeah, let's hear it.
I mean, I loved dating in New York.
I did. I loved it so much.
I liked the act of dating in New York.
I thought it was just so accessible to go to a bunch of places.
It was really easy to meet people.
If I was sitting at home by myself for a night,
I could just walk to a local bar.
Like, I can't do that as much in L.A.
Like, I'm not going to walk in the middle of night by myself.
So I thought dating was very accessible in New York.
You could get to the date quicker,
and there was just an endless opportunity of things to do.
And you and I have had so many fun,
in New York, they're just all night long.
You go to like four different locations.
There's just so much to do there.
So I love that.
And I do think that there is a very high population
of high functioning men there
that make a lot of money that are highly educated.
Like, it's the type of people,
if you are an educated woman that's seeking out
another educated man with a great job.
The population of people doing that is pretty high.
Unfortunately, like John Berger's book
is that there's so many women in New York City
that are also gorgeous and educated,
doing cool stuff.
And so you're just,
up against a lot. That's the issue with New York because I feel like men, and this is my experience,
maybe not every, but they're a little non-committal because they don't have to be.
Yeah. If you're a good-looking man in New York City and you make a couple bucks, you don't
ever have to settle down. Not even good-looking. Literally, the most average men.
You don't have to settle down. Also, like, you don't have a biological clock, obviously.
So, like, you don't have a finite amount of time to have children. It's just some of these cities
that have, like, high-powered men with a lot of money that are average enough looking, they never
have to commit. And you really can have it be a playground forever. You know, you're not going to be
feeling that pressure. You know, people stay single in New York forever. Absolutely. In their 50s,
whatever, you know, you'd love to see it too. You know, I'd love to see women who have chosen that
life for themselves and are thriving and, you know, per studies living longer. We should talk about that
sometime. You know, unmarried women, how they like live the longest, whatever. But like, you don't
feel those pressures from your community and your friend group, necessarily. And you're
friend group necessarily. I mean, of course you can. Again, these are not like hard set in stone rules,
but like I think about Sparkle Eyes. And he lives, you know, right outside of Boston. He's not like
right in inner city and southeast with all his bros. But, you know, his friends are settling down.
I mean, he's in his like, you know, early mid-30s. Like he is one of the last ones to not have a
partner, you know, so he's feeling that from his friend group. So to that point, if you remove
dating completely, I enjoyed being a single person in New York City more than I enjoy it in L.A.
because I just felt like there isn't this pressure to get married to have children.
Like, if I moved back to Pittsburgh, all my friends are married to children.
I would not enjoy being a single person there because you're just sort of like this odd man out all the time.
I never felt like the odd man out.
In L.A., I don't feel sad about being single here.
There are definitely less opportunities to, like, go out here a little bit.
But New York was my favorite place to be a single person if you remove the dating aspect.
Well, someone wrote it's the best and the worst, and I think that defines it completely.
You know, I feel like loki traumatized from dating in New York for six years.
But I also had the most fun dates, you know, I have the most fun dates now on my partner.
But, you know, when I was on the scene, you know, yeah, like the single girl dates and dates with strangers and running around going to new places.
And I think L.A., you know, I think that I've gone on dates here.
And so was Raina and just talking to all of our friends and hearing from our listeners.
And you just get a lot more flakiness.
You get more shallow people.
and people just feel like there's
weirdos and people that are a little too
woo-woo and there's just all kinds of things
but it falls into a lot of different buckets
but I think people really feel that
lack of commitment to the date
just a lot of flakiness. Definitely.
And I feel like
the thing that I liked in New York
a little bit more. People say, I find this varied
some people say in their city like men don't approach you.
I felt like a New York man always approached me.
Like I was able to open up conversations with people
more than I feel like here. We always joke that
like it's not cool to act like you're having fun hour later.
in L.A. And so I think it's a little less common that somebody would like walk up to you.
But it does happen. I met a bunch of guys at OWA the other night in Venice. They walked right up
to us because there was a magician walking around the bar. But maybe that is also like a good
tip that like if you feel that you live in a city where men don't approach, you go to a place
where there's sort of like a shared activity with people. Yeah. Yeah. Where you are teed up
to have conversations. Totally. And then you know, the other main city I've dated in is Atlanta and it's
you know, changed since I lived there. I moved away at the very end of 2016.
which was a great time to leave the South after Donald Trump won the presidency.
But of course, in the South, you can feel that people don't necessarily share the same values.
We've heard that a lot of, like, Texas and different places, like Missouri, just all over
where you feel like people just have more conservative values if those aren't the values that you share.
I just felt like in Atlanta, and I didn't think it was so unbalanced.
There are more women.
You definitely feel that more beautiful women.
I think that's a general theme in the South.
It's just like the women are stunning and the men are just not it.
And you just see this, like, frumpy dude and khaki.
and a boat shoe and crokeys
and like a 12 out of 10
pastel polo with the hottest woman you've ever seen.
Like I went to Clemson and I was like
I can't with the guys here.
Like I'm going to athletes all these guys are fucking ugly.
But you know there's a southern look
and I think Atlanta is different.
The two than you know like the D.
Atlanta's a cosmopolitan progressive blue city
you know for the most part.
And it's also a heavy black population of course
and race plays into that too.
But I think you've got to think about what you're looking for.
Like are you really wanting the guy
that is hot, successful, former frat guy, kind of fuck boy, you know, rolling around in the scene,
probably doing some drugs here and there. And he's like exciting and hot and popular. But like,
that's probably not the guy that, you know, makes you feel secure and stable. And I think you've got to
think about what you want. We have a friend that really years of that. She was always going after those
guys. And she finally just was like, wait a minute, I'm just going after the wrong type of guy.
And she found this like really incredible guy. He is a doctor. He is super kind. He wasn't in
a scene like that, not white, which I can't recommend enough. And, you know, she just was like,
went for a different type of dude. And so I think that's something you have to think about.
I found that in that city, too. Like, that's my ex, like, wasn't in that scene. You know,
like, there's definitely, like, a party scene. There's people that can feel really clicky,
and people all went to Georgia or this or that, and they were the fraternies and sororities. And it's
like, you think you want to be a part of it. You might think you want, like, big man on campus.
And that's not going to be the guy that you have a solid relationship with. I think that
goes for a lot of different cities. I think so too. And I think that you do have to sort of shop
outside of the norm if you're going to live in those cities. Like, I don't think that people move
to New York and L.A. to find a partner. There's definitely cities that people are like,
we will talk about should you move to find a partner. Like Austin and Denver are the cities
you just hear time and time again. I moved there to find a partner. No one's going to New York
and L.A. to find a serious relationship. And less people want relationships today than ever,
like this study said that 57% of single adults aren't interested in a relationship or
casual dating right now. And I don't know the age of the people that they surveyed, but
last people in those cities are looking for it. And so like you probably have to shop outside of
the norm. So like you said, our friend found that doctor. Like she isn't dating somebody that like
is in the party scene. So I think if you're in those cities and you're like, this is such a party
scene, you should find a way to shop outside of that scene. Listen, the only person I ever heard of
about moving to New York for love was a fictional character. It was Jennifer Hudson and Sex and the
City of the movie. And she said she moved to New York for love. And then what does she do?
got back with her ex from her hometown.
So I know
slews of girls that moved to New York City
with their partner and their partner left them
pretty much immediately.
That's dark.
No, I'm not saying.
Here's the thing.
I also want to talk about this.
I also think it's important to address
people of color, queer people,
and their dating experiences as well
because I was reading, I read another article
where it was like, where are the best cities
for black people to date?
Not that we don't support interracial relationships.
I'm in one.
But, you know, we got some responses on when we done Instagram,
like I feel out of place here as a black woman.
Or I feel like I'm not seeing a lot of people that look like me.
I mean, that affects your day and experience as well.
So, like, D.C. was a top city when it comes to that,
Atlanta, Detroit, some cities like that.
And then, of course, when it comes to being someone who's not straight,
where you're like, the best city in the world is going to be New York.
You know, that is the most diverse.
You're going to see everybody, every race, every gender,
every sexual orientation.
So I think that's important to remember, too,
that we're not just talking about, like,
a homogenous group of people when it comes to dating
because, like, straight dating and queer dating
is a totally different thing in, like, different cities, too, you know?
Yeah, I think that was really well said.
Yeah, I think you want to date in a city
where you feel represented, whatever that means to you.
So, you know, that experience may vary.
And, you know, if you were somebody who is a queer person
and you live in some super conservative town in the South,
or the Midwest or wherever.
I would assume you wouldn't feel like that's a good scene for you.
And New York is going to be like a playground or, you know,
like San Francisco or of course even Atlanta even.
And the same goes for race as well.
So the thing that I have really learned is I have learned such a lesson in like the type of guy
I thought it was going to be with.
I've said this before, but since we're talking about cities,
like I just thought I had to be with somebody who lived in New York or L.A.
Like I just thought that would be the only person who would like match my energy
and my lifestyle, and it just wasn't, it was so wrong.
You know, like, Randis just looking to be like, yeah, Mish, I know.
I know.
I know.
I just say this again because I can't reiterate it enough to be open to where someone lives
and don't get in your own way.
Yeah.
So.
I want to talk about moving to the type of city that you should live in.
And this article isn't the BL end all, but it's just a nice thought starter.
And this woman is quoted in the article saying,
the city is a high population of singles and is packed with activities that you'll enjoy.
then you'll have a better chance to meet someone.
Sure.
But I think you have to go after the type of singles
that you want to be with,
and I think that you have to go after the type of activities that you like.
Everybody wants to move to Denver to find somebody.
I would hate it.
There is that one activity in Denver that I want to do.
I don't bike.
I don't ski.
I don't camp.
I'm not an outdoor girl.
Let's get into it.
Because the alternate title for this episode
is the truth about Denver.
Raina, our responses.
I mean, and this is the city.
that, listen, I have not lived there.
I feel like I have a grasp on what women are dealing with there so deeply.
We have girlfriends there.
Yeah, we get it.
From all of my friends had to move there, from our listeners echoing the same sentiment.
Like, it really was this whole MENVOR moved to Denver.
That's where all the guys are.
But you really have to think about the type of guys.
And now what we're hearing.
And Jenny has found a great guy there.
I have another friend who found a great guy there.
Like, that's not to say you can't find a great guy there.
Jenny's relationship I'm like obsessed with it.
Jenny's also super outdoorsy.
they want to be doing stuff all the time.
If you were not a person who really wants to ski
and hike and do all those things,
I think you might feel like a little bit of an outsider there.
Not saying you can't find somebody.
But that is like the common theme,
but we have heard in Denver,
specifically post-COVID from everyone,
all the women, that it's really hard to nail a guy down.
Guys don't want to commit.
They are flaky, and they just want someone to, you know,
an activity buddy,
but really not a girlfriend,
if that's what you're wanting to get into a relationship.
And it is really the prevalent theme that we've heard about that,
and especially post-COVID.
I think people had a lot of luck there years ago,
and it's really felt like it's changed.
Like, we got nothing but complaints about it.
And we love the city.
Listen, we love Denver.
I don't want to be so discouraging,
but it was this thing that people were moving there for,
and overwhelmingly the women have said that's not really the case.
But also maybe the pendulum swung.
Like maybe people just like stormed Denver,
got all the available.
men and exited. And now, like, it's just, it changed. People found out about Denver.
I'm looking at what else. Like, people said just not a lot of substance. You see everybody is
the cliche dating at prompts. Want a ski partner, but no commitment. Peter Pan's, this kind of thing, too.
And I don't want to go so hard in Denver because we've seen great relationships come out of there.
And our great guy friend Brian lives there. And he's such a wonderful, eligible guy. I don't know what
his dating steps is at the moment. He wants to ski and bike and hang out, knock him. I think he wants a partner,
but I think he wants someone that matches his lifestyle,
and he's like top tier outdoorsy guy.
He's like hiking, whatever.
What's the highest mountain?
Kilimanjaro.
Shit like that.
Is that true?
I think if you are the kind of,
like Jenny is the kind of person that she wants to do
a little music festival every other day.
She likes to go skiing.
Like she will do all those things.
I would have no luck in Denver.
I'll tell you what.
I could go to Austin and be married in one week.
Can we talk about Austin?
Should we get into our city breakdown?
Yeah, let's talk about like city breakdown.
Okay, let's get into the cities.
You guys are probably waiting
for your cities.
Austin, I feel like I want to suck a dick every three steps.
The men physically are my exact type.
Everybody is so masculine.
Austin got good ratings.
A lot of people said Austin is transient, which I do see.
People might be passing through moving there for a tax break.
You know, a lot of people in entertainment, a lot of people in comedy move there,
and that might not be where they would stay.
And a couple other things.
People may hate on Austin, but guys will actually ask you to meet here instead of pen-palling.
and then someone wrote, Austin was a wet dream for me.
I got to try all the different flavors until I found what I liked.
Again, these were just the few people was experience,
but the overall prevalent theme was like,
you can make this work for you.
I also think tons of opportunities to meet people.
Like, it is just an endless amount of, like, daytime drinking activities
with music and barbecue and people in groups
and people will approach you.
And I could get a boyfriend in Austin in a week.
Okay, Seattle, which was number one on the list,
you guys hate it.
You hate it.
Seattle boys are all depressed.
Seattle, not a lot of diversity.
Nerds, all caps.
Well, okay, what I will say about Seattle is because I work for Amazon.
It's the major hub of Amazon.
So I think that it probably ranked really high
because it is a lot of educated,
high-earning individuals with great long-term earning potential
and there is a great dining scene.
Like, on paper, Seattle fucks.
Well, and then I love that you said that
because another comment that I wrote down was
generally the men and women
not in tech, Amazon, Microsoft,
are pretty great dates.
Listen, those are great jobs,
but that's a good sentiment.
If you don't want a tech bro,
then don't find a tech bro.
Like, there are people in these cities
that have a stereotypical occupation
that don't have those occupations.
You know what I mean?
Like, you can find guys in San Francisco
that aren't tech bros.
You can find guys in L.A.
that aren't trying to be actors and models.
You know, you can find guys in New York
that aren't finding.
Bros. These are the stereotypes, but you can find those guys. Like, I, every single person on this
list said Boston is short and my man is 6-3. Like, you can find people who don't fit the stereotypes.
No, we'll get into it, but it was just like short king, short king, short king, short king, short king,
there is something in the water in Boston. People said a scientist needs to study it.
But I do think, you know, again, like there's a reason why Seattle rang high in that list.
It was in John's book and, you know, you can make it work for you, but I want to validate the people
that are like, I'm not finding what I'm looking for, and I thought it would.
It seems on paper to me like a great place.
Actually, my ex who lived in L.A. was from Seattle, and so I spent a lot of time there with him,
and there's just a lot to do.
Like, it's a great dining scene. People are educated and they should be fun, and it's just
dark, so they're a little depressed. It gets dark at like 3 o'clock sometimes.
I know. I'm going to throw a couple wildcards out right now.
Dating in Santa Fe as a 22-year-old woman is incredible.
options galore and nobody knows about it.
Well, they do now.
Someone else also wrote
I hate Dana and Sotomay. But for every good one,
there was also a bad one. And
I want to throw another positive
one out there. Park
City, a lot of very fun and
attractive men, but not many people are here to stay.
And when we talk about Park City and we talk
about some cities in Wyoming,
it's where a lot of rich
young entrepreneurial people are going for
tax havens also. But Park City,
that's all the rich people, right?
It's the rich people.
Yeah.
So that's what you're looking for.
Is Sundance in Park City or is Sundance in Sundance?
Sundance of place.
It's a festival.
Yeah, but sometimes they name it after the place.
Tessa.
It's in Park City.
Okay, okay, great.
I know it.
That's a place where you can go snag yourself, someone with money,
but I also understand all that can be transient too.
But we've heard that over and over.
Like, ladies, you've got to get your house to Park City.
You know what we've heard in every single city without fail
is if there's like a major sports team,
that will be somebody's.
entire personality. That is just across the board. Listen, you just got to let them. You just got to let
him that, that can be their personality. Some of the time. Like, that's heavy in Boston and Philly.
I don't think we, like, hear that out of San Francisco, but like we hear Boston Philly. You know,
the Eagles are your whole personality. You wear jerseys out in the town. Pittsburgh's like that.
Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh, sports teams in general are your entire personality and wardrobe.
You're just wearing puffy jackets, penguins puffy jackets. That's everybody's
wardrobe and you got to let them.
To an extent. I'm not having somebody that has an obsession that controls their whole life.
Sure. I'm not doing it. Totally.
The Eagles lost, we can't fuck. That's crazy.
People in Pittsburgh are like that, though. I'm sad too. The season's over.
Yeah, but my pussy is ready to take some.
In Pittsburgh, like, if the Steelers lose, like, people act like they lost a family member.
Yeah, like a regular season game. Yeah, and that's a lot.
What happened to the Eagles this year is, like, someone needs to study it.
10 and 1 to being the worst team.
I don't understand.
Losing a wild card game by like a record loss.
Like I can't, whatever.
Portland, listen, Portland is weird in the best way and we love it.
But you guys agreed.
We got a lot of polyamory.
A lot of ethical non-monogamy.
That's a huge, huge thing in Portland.
People say they don't have jobs.
We've been hearing that since day one about Portland.
And this is kind of dismal, but we're in.
intelligent, beautiful single women go to die alone.
I just, I don't think, unlike, it's kind of the opposite.
Seattle is known for people that, like, work at Amazon and, like, are highly educated in tech.
Maybe if you're seeking out somebody who's, like, highly educated that has some, like, corporate job,
Portland is not a hub for that.
And I think that people there are super smart.
And if you want to date somebody that works for Nike, go to Portland.
Yeah, and if you're just, you know, a little crunchier.
It's a little crunchier.
Yeah, like, we love the progressive agenda.
We love all of it.
If you want a compost.
Love that.
Okay, can we talk about D.C.?
Please.
DC's so funny because I have like such a clear picture.
My ex is from D.C.
So D.C. in, was it Marcia's book?
Marsha Inhorn, it was like rough for women.
Which is so interesting to me because, again,
it's similar to Seattle in the sense that like you have a very specific type of person there
and I would go there if I was looking for that type of person.
Highly educated in politics.
That's really their whole personality.
Well, I think the women outnumber the men
strongly in D.C.
People just really feel
like it's the political type
super opportunistic. What we heard when we
were do shows there was
the first question that everyone asks you is what do
for work. So you really get that.
But at the same time, like I said,
there is like one of the larger
black populations. Someone wrote
I met my boyfriend in D.C., lots of international
people. Someone wrote everyone is smart and attractive.
Lots of young people starting out of their profession.
And then someone ended it with
DC is unparalleled worse.
last minute date cancellations because of national news.
But again, there's people in D.C. that don't work in politics.
Yeah, my ex is a lawyer, you know?
Not a political one.
Not even a little bit.
It has this rep of just all these people that want to be on Capitol Hill,
and it's just that's not necessarily everybody,
but also if that's what you want, that's great too.
So, like, a lot of people said, like, the first question is,
what you do for work and to tag onto that,
like, everybody's sort of thinking, like, what can you do for me?
What can I get out of you?
Yeah, which is exactly what in L.A. is like.
But then just don't shop in that population.
Okay, we have Baltimore, more like small to more.
Everyone knows each other or went to school together.
Someone wrote tri-dating in Arkansas, eye-roll emoji.
Someone said, you're lucky if you have a city.
Small town girls have slim pick-ins.
Let's go to Canada.
Winnipeg, shockingly good, Halifax, shockingly bad.
It's way too incestuous.
Someone said there is decent variety in the North Carolina Triangle,
Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill.
Charlotte, you're going to have a lack of diversity in Charlotte.
Sure.
But unlike like a New York City, a city like Charlotte is where people go to like settle down.
True.
Like I think that you find a larger population of people that would like a long-term partner.
You just got to go there younger.
You got to really like men and khakis.
You got a lot of khaki.
Here's going to be one of our under the radar tips.
New Foldin Minnesota is great if you like farmers and hunters,
one to four women to men ratio.
I think there's going to be a surge of moving to Newfold in Minnesota.
One to four, there's four men for every one woman.
That sounds amazing.
Farmers and hunters.
I bet you they're sexy.
They're hunting.
All right.
Oh, I would thought you got hunt me.
And if you want a sexy Latino man, Orlando is where it's at.
I'll do a little bit more Canada, Toronto.
Toronto was mixed, but I think in general it's a kind of a New York.
It's kind of the, obviously, the New York City of Canada, young feeling city, interesting
people from everywhere, and tons to do for dates.
Toronto is one of the cities.
I will say that we ask cause dating here.
and it doesn't erupt with booing.
Vancouver, men are flaky, finance bros,
two outdoorsy or their scrubs,
but people also roads a fun city to date,
lots of activities and diversity.
You know, I'm obsessed with Vancouver,
and it's so diverse.
Like, everything, everybody looks like so attractive
and so hot and so fun.
And then someone else said, Vancouver,
can I just say, the Collin incident?
Which, if you're at our show, you know.
Boise, we heard it was great.
Lots of new men in town.
Outdoorsy mountain men and nerdy engineers,
if you're into that.
Upstate New York for Holesome really nice guys.
I did read an article about Buffalo being a real hot spot for singles.
Well, it is a cold spot for weather.
There's nothing to do there besides have sex.
You gotta warm on.
Stay warm.
Exactly.
Miami, they're obsessed to themselves.
Yeah.
What do you think?
You moved to Miami.
To be demure.
It's like everyone is really into their image.
Like, we love Miami.
And Miami is going to be very diverse.
It's going to be the most diverse place in Florida.
But people said it feels like there's always a better, hotter girl, and men know that.
I mean, Miami is its own animal.
Are you reading LA?
Miami should be.
Just, yeah, that too in LA.
Miami, if you know, you know.
And we love it.
It's like a second home to us.
But we've definitely heard of the woes of dating in Miami.
Yeah.
I mean, again, not necessarily a place people are moving to settle down.
Top Peter Pan City, Charleston.
Charleston.
Yes.
Which is an outlier because in the South,
I do think people move towards the South for more traditional values.
Charleston, I think there's so many women in Charleston.
And there's a college of Charleston, and there's so many beautiful women,
and I think men just never have to settle down.
We hear a lot of Peter Pan syndrome in San Diego.
San Diego?
Oh, San Diego was a big Peter Pan syndrome line.
San Diego, we get it a lot.
But I heard some decent things about San Diego.
San Diego is a lot of men.
So I don't know the exact stats and the ratio on this,
but there are a lot of guys there, but a lot of people say it just feels like it's kind
of that surfer guy not trying to settle down.
But I think, again, these cities can be, like, fun when you're young.
to date.
The best.
You know, maybe find somebody.
I love New York.
Delaware as a whole is awful.
Listen, Dover was on that list for being some of the worst.
But then you look at Lindsay and Buck.
And, you know, I feel like Lindsay was in a place in her life where this is my cousin
Lindsay and her husband Buck, where she was like, oh, am I ever going to find anybody?
And then Buck walked in.
And they're really one of our absolute favorite couples.
And that really does drive home the, like, all you need is one type of person.
And they can be in this, like, small town.
Yeah, I mean, I don't think it's fair to, like, pick on smaller towns either.
It's just like, it's not a large enough sample set.
Like, it's always going to be a little bit worse in a smaller town, you know.
Boston, again, was beyond.
All short, Southie Bros.
30-year-old frat bros living in Southie wearing jerseys to bars.
The men in Boston are so short it should be studied by scientist.
Boston is rough.
Why don't you brag about it, Ashley?
People just said, Ashley found a rare gem.
Like, it was overwhelming.
I loved when we went there and we did this and Tom Brady still played for them.
And it was just like dozens of Tom Brady responses.
And it said, if you say Tom Brady, they'll instantly come.
Like, that is a city where, like, the Patriots.
where their whole personality.
Yeah, but it's a very specific type of guy,
and I have talked to Sparkalize about this.
Like, he is not that type of guy.
He's not this, like, short bro in Southie.
He doesn't own a jersey.
You know, like, he is just different.
And I have to say that he does have a tall,
good-looking single friend.
And I just feel like I don't want to, like, gatekeep this guy.
So we are going to do a show of Boston this year.
Spoiler alert, and he'll be there.
What if I like him?
Well, I'm not a boyfriend by then.
Don't worry about it.
Yeah.
that he has been trying to hook him up with you.
You get first dibs.
Listen, I brought this on me because Sparglis said,
how do you feel about coming to Boston between?
To meet this guy.
And I said, I don't hook out about it.
So, listen.
It's not that I don't love Boston.
I'm just, I'm not trying to go places that are super cold in December.
So listen, Raina has not met him yet,
but he has her sloppy seconds.
So you will be getting that.
No, I'm just kidding.
But that's kind of like the thing of like it doesn't have to go into these
stereotypes.
And Austin, of course, we talked about.
But when it comes to like Houston and Dallas,
people just kind of echoed, you know, if you are like a liberal, progressive woman, you can't always find someone, you know, people are a lot more like religious there. You know, people said like, that's been tough for them. I mean, the South in general, certain pockets of the South, people definitely echoed like, I'm not religious and everybody else here is. And so maybe you got to go. Mm-hmm. Anchorage, Alaska, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. Spokane. Someone said it's honestly great. People are nice, clear intent. And yeah, it's a smaller pool, but nicer to manage, which I, she called that like a second city. You know, like it's not the
biggest city in Washington State. It's just like a smaller city. It's nice. Our good friends live there.
And we like Spokane. So yeah, those were kind of the main highlights of the responses that we
crowdsource on Instagram. And I wanted to end it with by far the best city that you guys said
to date. And this is what I have always said. So I feel so validated, which is Chicago.
Yeah. Nobody's talking about it. I mean, it just makes sense. It's people that are cool and fun and like
activities and not the Denver activities, no offense. You guys, I'll never do any of those. People are
educated. They'll come up to you. They'll talk to you. It's like a really social town. And it's like the
perfect mix of like New York. People are going there to have fun. But like it is totally normal and
natural to settle down. It really is like I again, I'm kidding and nobody's talking about this. I think
people are. But like it's not at the top of these lists. Like I don't get it. I've said this since day one.
This is why I say that like if there was anywhere else I would have preferred to live in my 20s, it would
have been Chicago. So age wise, I do think.
that people do tend to leave Chicago
or move to the suburbs.
My brother said to me, like, when he was 30,
he was like, I don't need friends left here.
That is fair.
So age-wise, I don't know that like 32-year-old woman,
35, that's where you want to go.
I don't know.
But I do think it's like this younger fun.
Someone wrote Chicago is the best.
Midwesterners are just better, nicer people.
Everyone shares a common love for the city.
Love dating in Chicago.
It was so easy to get everywhere.
And the Midwest gentleman are like, you know,
the carrot signs the best.
Someone around everyone is taken, which that I'm sure, like maybe once you get a certain age,
but we really feel like that.
Everyone feels really just down to earth and nice.
I love the thing about the common love for the city.
There's so much to do.
Again, it's fucking cold as shit in the winter.
I swear if it wasn't so cold in the winter, Chicago would just be overpopulated because it's such a wonderful city.
It's easier to navigate than New York.
It's not as tough of a life.
It's not so challenging.
It's not as expensive.
You can have a nicer place.
And it's not weird to settle down.
Like I feel like in New York and LA
at a certain age, your friends are making
funny you for settling down men.
But like in Chicago, I just think that like
it's pretty normal and common.
You're dating to find a partner.
That's the vibe.
I mean, listen, you guys can let us know for Rob,
but that's been my vibe.
And I've dated in Chicago a lot.
Yeah, I mean, that was the overwhelming responses.
And even when like we go there, that's the vibe.
It just, people are like, yeah, I found somebody.
You know, like I've always said that.
And so our findings,
are really that if we're talking big cities,
Chicago is the top.
Austin is a nice pick.
I feel like if you Denver still works,
if you really are like in that outdoorsy world.
And then, I mean, I think you can just make anywhere work for you.
But this is just stuff to consider.
And there's books on it and all kinds of things.
Totally.
I think you can profile a city and say,
does this work for me?
I think, you know, at the end of this episode,
you know, the idea is like,
what am I supposed to do?
You have two options because everybody's,
says dating in my city is the worst in the world. I want to say that too. We're hearing from people
who want to vet. I think when we ask this slide, people interpret it as like, tell me the worst
city and tell me why. Even though we said tell us the best and worse, I don't think a lot of people
who in relationships are like, I love the city, this is where I found my partner. You know, I think
we are hearing kind of the darker side of it. Totally. But like at the end of this, if you're just like,
well, what are the options? It's like, you can stay where you are and you can change what you're
doing. And I know people are like, oh, change what I'm doing. What didn't I think of that? Amazing.
what's great input.
And I do want to talk about it, or you move.
You profile these cities for yourself and say to yourself,
this seems like a place where people do X thing.
So if you live in the South and you're like,
I am an atheist, I'm surrounded by evangelical Christians,
I'm never going to find somebody.
You're probably right.
I don't know.
So we post this question on Instagram,
should you move to a different city to have better dating opportunities for yourself?
And I think, especially if you want to be a parent,
finding a partner is the most important decision you will ever make in your life.
Who you choose to have children with is the,
only decision in your life you cannot
reverse, you know? And
I think that we move for jobs
and we move for social opportunities
and so why would you
not move for a partner?
And I really, I support it
so much and I've had so many friends over the years
from New York City specifically saying like
I have tried so hard here and nobody will settle down.
And I think that like they've heard enough
from enough people like, just change your strategy,
just do something different. And like these women are like,
I am smart and I've tried every strategy.
So, like, maybe the last card you have to play is moving.
And so many people said, like, I love the city.
I don't want to move.
This is where my friend group is.
My family is.
This is the easiest thing to say and the hardest thing to do.
Like, to say I'm 38 and I'd like to have children, I don't live in a city where people
seem to want to do that.
Like, just move.
It's not easy either.
But I just want to, like, go on the record as saying, I really support it if you feel
like this is the goal and this is the action plan.
I mean, I really appreciate the people were vulnerable in the response.
and said, this is something I've considered,
and even, like, I feel silly for thinking this way
because you were moving for nobody, technically.
You're not moving to be with somebody.
You're moving for the prospect of maybe finding somebody.
So I understand not moving to a brand new place
that you have no tie to just to date.
You're not going to want to date.
You're going to be sad.
You're going to be missing your friends and family.
Also, if you want to do something like that and take that leap,
I find that really admirable as well.
But to consider this, I don't think that there's anything wrong.
You know, like if you have an opportunity,
if there's a place you've been wanting to go anyway,
you know, like, and you just think you might have better dating opportunities.
Like, it's not silly to think this way.
I really don't think that it is.
And I go back to our episode with Alyssa and her just saying she changed her energy
and then she found this partner.
And she moved to L.A. and found someone who was not L.A. at all.
You know, he is not an entertainment.
He doesn't even have social media.
So it wasn't that she moved to this place and then met this very specific type of guy to the place.
she just shifted her energy, felt like a newness about herself and a motivation to put herself
out there and like that's what did it. And maybe that's what did it for me too. You know, like I don't know
if I would be with my partner now if I didn't move, which is crazy because I moved all the way
across the country from where he lives. But something about it shifted in me. I felt a new
motivation and myself to date and excitement. And then I ended up with him. So moving in general can open
a lot of doors for you in all areas of your life. I mean, I can only speak to living in New York.
I lived there for 15 years.
I think if you are prone to anxiety and stress
and bad moods and low,
like feeling a little depressed,
New York will exacerbate every one of those things.
And I think that you can start to feel like
I'm not the best version of myself in this city.
So could I relocate and be a better version of myself?
Not, like, I like that you say you're relocating for no one.
Because, like, you could relocate
because you want the dating seem to be better,
but I like the notion of like,
I like this version of myself better
in this city. Yeah. And that even goes to, like, someone wrote, again, this is the question slide on
Instagram. Someone wrote all the gays who haven't found a partner have considered it because I live in a
smaller dating poll. You know, like even just people who might be more your vibration,
someone wrote, I just moved to Austin, not for dating, but definitely a perk I considered,
which I like that too. You know, like, that's just a additional motivation for moving to a city.
Someone said, I have many friends who've done this and met their husband soon after moving. Someone said,
absolutely, I think about it a lot.
I haven't pulled the trigger yet.
And of course we have people being like,
no, I think it's the same circus,
but different clowns.
That's hysterical.
Oh, that's the title of the episode.
As long as you're not judging people,
like I like the variation in responses.
Yes.
You know?
I also think that moving changes you in the sense
like it reignites your flame a little bit
where you're just like,
it's almost like dating when you're on vacation.
Yes.
Or my God, when I moved to New York?
I was just like, I am out here.
Yes.
So it's just, it's more exciting.
And, you know, I know that everybody doesn't have this opportunity,
but so many people are remote today.
And so I don't know, Airbnb, your own apartment
and get an Airbnb in Austin and check it out for a month.
That's a great call too.
And I also want to just really validate that not everybody has the resources
and the money to just pick up and move.
Like, again, there's a world in which you have enough and you, you know, rent your place
and it doesn't cost you much.
You know what I mean?
Maybe you don't have a ton of shit.
You know, I didn't have a ton of shit when I was like younger.
My 20s.
Like, I like that idea, too.
Like, if you can make this work for you financially, not everybody can.
Not everybody can leave their jobs.
Some people are still working in an office every day.
They have a good situation.
They're like, I can't leave this.
But if you have the opportunity and you really are feeling stuck and there's a place you want to go,
you can do it temporarily.
I mean, I feel for people that really want children and the clock is ticking and they're
just like, I really don't think I'm going to find this here.
And I really support somebody trying something else because you can't just keep doing
the same thing over and over again. I mean, I really feel for women that, you know,
the clock is ticking. Yeah, I really think a lot of it is reframing that I'm like not moving to
the city for these imaginary guys. I am moving for myself to change something within myself and explore
something different. I really try to change my outlook. And there are really so many positive experiences
here. Like I did. I moved to New York in 2011. Met a guy. I fell in love six years together.
Yes, not on purpose, but ended up dating different types of people than from home and I fell in love and got
married, had to move for a job, but I was excited about it because of the dating. I was single
eight years. I met my boyfriend in the first three months after moving. Yeah, that is, that's like,
gives me chills, you know. Someone says, I would never leave my friend group without a guarantee. And I feel
that too. I wouldn't. If you have a solid friend group, like you have one of the real good ones,
you know, like they feel like family, you would do stuff together every weekend. I mean, leaving that,
it would be tough. But maybe you grab a friend and you go together. Get your single friend and
move with you. I would have a really hard time leaving my community. I felt like in New York,
like, I worked so hard to build this. It took so long to find a core group of friends in a city.
It would be really hard for me to just kick that in the teeth. But, I mean, if you can temporarily
try it out, I just, there's nothing about this that seems silly to me at all. I think that that
is taking yourself seriously to consider something like this. Yeah, and you can always go back.
Yep. People say that whenever you move, you can always go back. I don't know unless you just burned every
bridge in town why you wouldn't be able to go back. But there's responses that said I did this and
didn't find anybody and that could happen too. You know, there are really no guarantees in life for anything,
but we're not telling you to pick up and move, but we're also telling you don't be ashamed
if that is something you're considering. Yeah, I think a lot of people are like, I love this city
and my friend group more than anything in the world. And if you're like, I'm hell bent on staying in
this city, then you have to change your strategy. Like, if you live in New York City and you're just like,
I can't find anybody.
Then instead of dating men that live in Manhattan,
date somebody who lives in Hoboken or Brooklyn.
They have purposely chosen to live outside the scene.
So look for people like that.
Like you can set your profiles, hinge or whatever
to be a little farther out of the city.
Like I maybe wouldn't date somebody in their 20s
that lived in the East Village.
There's a reason why they live there.
I know.
That's the thing.
I got to like hammer this home.
Like I never thought I would be with somebody who,
A, didn't live in like the top two, three cities in America
in terms of, you know,
you know what I'm saying, like population and industry and that.
And then on top of it, not live in the center of the city.
Like, I was just wrong.
Like, I think so many New Yorkers are like, oh, Hoboken, bleh.
And it's like, I don't know.
Maybe that's the kind of guy you might want.
Like, I used to hear, like, if you're on the older end, you've got to get those
Westchester divorced dads.
Yeah, you've got to just change your circumference of where you're dating.
Somebody that chooses to live in, listen, I'm not dating in Westchester,
but Hoboken or not Williamsburg, but, like,
somebody that chooses to live in like Carol Gardens in Brooklyn.
Like that's somebody that's like a little more outside of the scene.
They don't want to be in Manhattan partying every day.
Date those people.
Yeah.
Date in Hoboken.
Jersey City.
That could be kind of family, but I did see one for Jersey City.
Yeah.
And I just think if you're not wanting to move, you know, just get outside your comfort zone in some way.
You know, like of course we always say take a trip.
I mean, I met my boy.
on our travels, you know, like I didn't move to Boston.
Like, you know, of course, like it goes out saying we get to travel for work and for a living
and not everybody has the money and the resources to just up and take a trip or whatever it is.
But changing your scenery even temporarily just for, you know, a week or two can work wonders too.
You just date so differently when you're like, I don't know if this is permanent.
Like, I really love the idea of just renting out your place for a month and you take that exact
dollar amount and get an Airbnb in a different city and just fuck around and find out for a month.
And if you really want to go full send, get out of country.
We're going international.
Let's go London.
Let's go Australia.
London.
You got to get your visa shit figured out.
I don't know how about all that works.
But like, I love that shit too.
Paris?
Go full Emily and Paris.
You just date different.
Yeah.
I don't understand that reference.
I've never seen that show.
I can't wait for the next season.
Australia, we got good things about Australia.
We've heard mixed reviews, but some said, like, I actually love dating and in Sydney.
And the guys, like, we'll approach you in the wild and set a second date.
while you're on the first date.
We got some good things about Sydney,
but we've also heard the opposite.
So, you know, who's to say?
The Bogans.
The Bogans.
The Bogans.
I just, I really encourage people to, like,
profile these cities as much as you can.
Like, I think that if you're not a big drinker,
there are certain cities,
I just wouldn't date in.
I think that if you're, like,
the main most important thing to me
is going to music festivals.
There are certain cities I wouldn't date in.
Like, I think that, like,
we talked about writing a list last week,
and, like, it's the perfect exercise
of, like, what is important to me,
and then what cities emulate,
those qualities and go find them. Yeah. Especially if your values are so different than what the
prevalent value is in that place. You know, and that's when we do talk about, you know,
conservative versus progressive and things like that. Because again, there's a chance you could
find a needle in a haystack, but why not set yourself up where the odds are better for what you're
looking for? There's more needles. There's more needles in that haystack. Right. Exactly. Like,
you're obviously going to have better chances of finding the needle. There's 50 needles versus just one
in that haystack.
Okay. All right. Well, thank you guys for listening.
Yes. Best of luck out there. We know it's rough out there and there's no perfect place and even the ones that sound like dog shit, you can still find a decent relationship. We see it all the time. So don't lose hope.
Yeah, I think so too. People that submit to this like you said. My mom always says the people that are happy aren't emailing you.
There it is. There it is. Okay, girls got to eat.com. Of course, Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok and vibes.
get that new Raina and all the new toys we have coming up for Valentine's Day and vibes only
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And we'll see next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.
