Girls Gotta Eat - The Emotional Rona-Coaster feat. Awareness Coach Adela Raffa

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

We're getting in our feelings today, fam. Awareness coach and Gestalt therapist Adela Raffa joins us to discuss all the things we're going through right now -- loneliness, anxiety, helplessness, lethargy, even "surprisingly ok" -- and how to cope. We cover communication with a partner (both in quarantine and long-distance) as well as friends and family, anger management, handling grief, and more. We're also sharing the hilarious ways our listeners are "self-caring" and serving up some fire book recommendations and outdated movie reviews. We hope you enjoy! Follow Adela on Instagram @AdelaRaffa and visit her website for more information. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for merchandise and tour dates. Thank you to our partners for this episode: The Pill Club: Go to thepillclub.com/gge to get your first birth control care package. Buffy: For $20 off all Buffy bedding, visit buffy.co promo code GGE. Ritual: Get 10% off your first 3 months at ritual.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Helpless. Mad, mad at nothing, mad at everything, easily agitated, numb and concerned why I'm not feeling more. Loss of control. Manic. Someone said Rona coaster. I've got to love an episode title. Appreciated the emotional Rona coaster. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Week four, one month in, quarantine. Day 30 month anniversary. Yeah, this will be tomorrow, like as right now, tomorrow, Tuesday. be a month for me. Well, we were quarantined before, but that I went to my parents. It's really a special moment in our lives, a whole month inside. Yeah, but it's been a month for, it's been a month for everybody in New York that Monday, the 16th, we were all quarantined by that point. So happy one month,

you guys. Oh my God. Happy anniversary. I bet you guys never thought you'd celebrate one month of not seeing other people. It's really exciting. All right, guys, one month in, thanks for sticking with us. We're going to do a couple little baby housekeeping things. Merchandise. You guys have asked us about merchandise. The store is still fully open. It takes 7 to 10 business days for fulfillment and then your stuff will ship. And then your stuff should be there.

So thank you for all your orders. We're really excited that you guys want stuff from the store to keep your day bright. And we're designing some new cool stuff for you. So we will release that soon. All right. Live shows. We'll keep it brief. Again, they've been rescheduled through.

May, early June, and I think next week we will give you guys the new dates for Vancouver, Seattle, San Francisco, and Portland. So we know them, low key, but we're just trying to finalize those and we'll have those for you guys. And your tickets should have been transferred with the exceptions of Houston, just one of the shows and Orlando. And so you have to buy those again. And any issues, just contact the venue point of sale. And if they act crazy, let us know, Like they're like, no, you can't do this. They shouldn't be saying that. But we don't think they are.

But if they are, DM us, I don't know. Email us, email us. We'll help you. But please don't email us for anything else. Thank you very much. No. We're loving your guys messages and emails and stuff. You guys are so wonderful.

You're keeping us going. Yeah. We have a really, is that all of our housekeeping stuff? I think it is. Live shows and merch. Oh, well, live shows. this weekend on Instagram. So we should have been in Philly at the Fillmore,

but instead we're going to be with you in your living room or your bed or in your bathtub, wherever you want to watch. Did you see this? I want to tell you this. Someone tweeted, Whitney Cummings, who is a comedian we love, we should have her on. She tweeted, have you ever watched an Instagram live and it finished and you thought, wow, that was worth it?

And some girl retweeted it was like, the only one was girls got to eat. Quarantine live shows. Oh my God. That's so flattering. I really loved what we did. If you guys tuned in last time, it was an hour of just joke telling.

Cindy Hustle time made a cameo. Dewey made a cameo. We just told jokes and joked around. It really felt like bullshitting on a stage with you. I just was alone or the bottle of champagne by myself on my couch. Well, you looked great. Thank you. You looked great.

It was the prettiest I've looked in a long time. Yeah, it was a ringlight situation. But it'll be Saturday. This Saturday. April 18th at 8 p.m. Philly time. Yeah. We've a great episode today. I think it's really timely. We're doing a little more of a personal therapy episode with a awareness coach.

Her name is Adela Raffa. She was so fantastic. We already recorded with her. But I think it comes at a really good time. I think that we haven't wanted these episodes to be like super heavy. And this one isn't either. But I think it's important now that we've all been inside for about a month to really check in on ourselves. And I think at least personally, this is when times have stopped being,

like, I think there was a little bit of fun in the beginning the first few weeks. You know, there's no responsibilities. There's no work. You're dicking around. I think for me, at least, this was the hardest week for me personally in terms of all this. And when I'm really starting to feel like I'm losing it a little bit more mentally and I'm really needing to find ways to like stay more centered, stay more grounded. So I think this episode comes at a really great time. about four weeks into this, where I think people are just starting to lose it a little more. I definitely am. This has been a really tough week for me, and I've just needed to find new ways to stay positive

and happy. So I'm glad that we're doing this. We're checking in with ourselves, and our audience has been so great, and I just want to thank all you guys for the messages, especially to me, because I've been alone, quarantine, and so many of you guys have checked in on me and wanted to make sure I'm all right, and that I'm doing mentally well, and I really appreciate it. And I read all of your messages. I wish I could respond to everything.

But Ashley and I are so grateful for this audience. We love you guys. We think about you every day. We just, we hope you're okay. And we're really honored to be able to bring you a little bit of escapism and laughter in this show. Yeah, they are so wonderful. I've had people check in with me for you before. Like, if you, there was, remember there's a point you just didn't go, do a story for like three days.

You were just kind of, it wasn't, it wasn't this. week. It was like kind of earlier on. And you just were having like a hard time. And I mean, I was, there was like a 12 hour period where I didn't hear from you at all. And I was worried. And I was like, can you just give me a response? Like my mom was in, we were like, she's dead. Like it was a day that you thought you were going to drive to Pittsburgh. And I was like, she got a car wreck. Everybody was upset. All hands on deck. My dad was upset. He was drinking more. Everybody was like checking on Raina. And I start, I got a few DMs checking in on you. I mean, I'm very honored in touch that anybody would care. I think it's.

beautiful. I mean, listen, this audience has been so wonderful to both me and you and has really kept us going. And your emails to us have been really beautiful. So thank you for sharing what you are going through. Ashley and I read your messages and we cry with you and we try to get back to all of you. But this has been a really tough time for everybody. And we're just excited to be a part of this community and have all you guys with us. Yeah. You guys are just, you were so incredible. Do you want to talk about any books you've been reading? Okay, we're going to briefly do a pop culture thing for two seconds. I'm reading the Jessica Simpson book. It's called Open Book. Ordered it, by the way. I'm so amped for you to read it. I cannot wait for you to tell me what

you think. I bought it originally because I was like, I'm going to get some gossip. Like, I can't wait. And it delivered. I mean, I didn't realize that she was, I mean, I'm not giving anything away. She was sexually abused as a child. She was and probably still is an alcoholic. She abused drugs. And there's all kinds of stuff about Nicolshea and John Mayer and all these things. The things that suck out with me, to me the most was the relationship with Nick Lechay. And, you know, I grew up with these people. I was in, like, middle school maybe. Like, when the whole Britney Christina, Jessica Simpson wave came out.

And I, like, grew up with these girls. And I, like, didn't really realize that she was, like, 21 years old when she got married. Nicolshe was almost 30. And it's like this crazy age difference. And then the two of them were, like, the first real social media stars as, or I'm sorry, reality TV stars as opposed to, like, the Osbournes. But it was really like the people of our sort of like. A couple for sure.

Like a couple. Yes. And like the first time I ever really saw celebrities except for the Osbournes on television. And she does look like such an idiot, but I forgot that she was like a child. She was really young. And I mean, basically the dissolution of their marriage

and I'm excited to unpack this with you was really, I mean, I think because like he started dating this person that was like this wide-eyed child that thought he was so great. And she like grew up and made more money than him and became wildly more successful than him. And he couldn't handle it and became like pretty verbally abusive and nasty and withholding to her. and the whole relationship, like, imploded.

And that's just one person's side of it. I'm sure that, like, he has his own side of it. But I always, you know, you and I cover a lot, you know, can men date women that are more successful than them and can they date somebody with more money than them. And I think there's an interesting dynamic shift when a man starts dating you and you are less powerful and you have less money and all of a sudden, it flips. And younger.

Yep. Like, that's, that's even great. Like, the guys that I've dated that I am more successful than I am also, I was also older than. Like, it's, whatever. We'll impact this after I read it, but I'm super fascinated. Clearly, most of us have seen her drunk on Ellen, and I just didn't, when I watched it, I was like, she's drunk on Ellen.

This is funny, but it feels a little scary. I feel like we have like an Anna Nicole situation on her hands here. And what she is she, is it just alcohol? Is it drugs? And let's also not forget, like the whole, that she was culturally like super Christian. Her dad was so creepy. He thought she was hot. And it was like she was supposed to be a virgin.

And it was just a lot going. on there. But I do have to say that Katie Sterino, who is a former guest of ours, we love her so much, really early episode called What's Wrong with Being Confident? If you haven't listened, we were texting, which she was so sweet. She just asked me if I needed hand sanitizer for Megabave. Yeah, so she's wonderful. But we started talking about Jessica Simpson, and she said that you should listen to the audio book because she is a little slurry. And I don't want to say she's drunk. But like, again, Katie is the last person to shame. And Katie said, if you listen to audiobooks and you, if that's what you do, you should definitely do this one. I just don't think I will. I'm just a reader. I like to read in bed,

like I always have been. So I did order the hardcover book. It should be here on like Monday or Tuesday. But that's her recommendation is to listen to it because she reads it. I always forget that these authors read it. Another really good one to do the audiobook. And I've listened to snippets of it. I was like in someone's car randomly is Tiffany Haddish. She's just got that, like, really passionate and, like, funny voice as a comedian and her memoir is so interesting and, you know, sad at parts. And it's just a lot. So that's one I can recommend to listen to.

If a comedian writes a book, I can't recommend listening to the book enough. Aziz Ansari wrote, I always mess with the name of the title, Modern Romance, Modern Love. Modern Romance. It's one of my favorite books about, like, dating in this century. And he reads it. And I think he's like, his timing is so fantastic. and it's really funny.

So yeah, check it out. I highly recommend the Jessica Simpson book. I think it's really interesting. And if you grew up in that era, I think it really will just remind you of growing up in that time. And, you know, just what it is like to be like a 15-year-old girl plucked out of obscurity and thrown into this machine where everybody tells you what to do, how to dress,

what to eat, how to act. And I feel fortunate that you and I got into showbiz at a little bit of older of an age. Because I think it sounds really frightening what can happen to you. So I highly recommend. end it. Yeah, I am probably today about to finish Educated by Tara Westover. It's a memoir, not a hot take. It has been a bestseller for a long time, but it is incredible. It's about this woman. She grew up in this family. They're super religious, Mormon-ish, but like really next level,

her dad was like a survivalist, didn't believe in school, didn't believe in hospitals. Like, it's shocking. And then she went on to go to Cambridge, to go to Harvard and write this book. And She's an incredible author and obviously has her PhD too. But if you read The Glass Castle, there's some similarities. I've read that in so many years. So I don't know. I can't really recall a lot. But I remember loving it.

I can't recommend enough. It's like inspiring. It's really shocking. It's sad at times. But it's kind of about like having to separate your family and your upbringing from your new life when it's abusive and toxic and stuff like that. So I'm sure a lot of you guys have read it. It's really popular.

But I finally broke into it. can't recommend it enough. I've been looking it on your shelf for years. Every time somebody brings up a book in your apartment, you're like, I have this book, it's educated. I'm like, someday she'll read it. And you finally, you did it. I procrastinated so long. It's also, it's probably, you know, I'm a fast reader. I will fly through that Jessica Simpson book, but this book, she is such an incredible writer that I digest every sentence. Because I am a speed reader. I skim a little, admittedly, but like I genuinely want to read every single word, every single sentence structure.

Like, I want to digest all of it to, you know, make me a better writer too. And just, you know, some books are like that. Some books are just you fly through them and others. You're like, I want to drink this in, you know. So I knew, that's why I procrastinate on it. I knew I'd have to actually read it, you know. Listen, we're all going to probably be inside for, I don't know, how long are they inside of Wuhan, 76 days?

We're going to settle in. Read some books. I'm not trying to make fun, but like every time I hear Wuhan, I think, Woo-Hod. Got you all in check. The Buster Rhyme song. Wuhan. I totally forgot about that.

It never occurred to me. I had the tape single. That's old what I am. And all my guys, next week, I don't, we're not going to, wait, this is long. This episode's really long. So I'm going to tell you next week I'm going to tease that I'm going to do a movie review from, I think, oh, six. I am going to tell you my feelings on he's just not that into you because I've said things

in passing. And a lot of you guys have watched. have watched it and now you want to know why I have such passionate feelings about it. So listen next week. Ashley, I love that you're teasing a movie review from two decades ago. You're like saddle up guys. Next week, I'm going to talk about 2002. Teaser alert.

I want to unpack with you is here's a question. Let's just marinate on it for a week. Is Justin Long Hot? Just don't just marinate on it for. week. And does he age? That's the backup question. Because Justin Long hasn't aged in 20 years. Don't tell us you think he's hot. We'll talk about it next week. We're going to talk about the next week. You guys think about it too. And we can all talk. We all get into it together next week. He was the first person, like the first celebrity I saw on Raya when I first got on it and screenshoted him and got in trouble. Oh yeah. I forgot that story. Is he married? Does he have a girl? I don't know. Okay. I'm excited to talk about Justin Long next week. Because I think he has a pretty polarizing opinions on his appeal.

Yes. And he's cast as like the hot fuck boy love interest in that movie. And I thought it was a little bit of a weird casting. But okay. We'll get into it. Guys. We can't stress how much you should be anticipating this movie review from 06 to coming in hot next week. I'm going to unpack Titanic after this.

Throw back another 15 years. Titanic is. That's when you realize how old you are because he was like a child in that movie and he is an old man now. You still got it. Leo. Leo fucks at every age. Leo fucked from basketball diaries all the way to Shelter Island. Two of my favorite movies.

I can't recommend basketball tariff. Loving basketball is my favorite movie. You know what I fucked with when I was a kid always Aladdin. That was my every Friday night movie. Is that your favorite Disney movie? No. I got, no, I don't think Disney was making it at the time. Like when I was a kid, the never-ending story with a Treyu.

That big white thing. The never-ending story. And the labyrinth. That's what I, that's what I, uh, this will really date me. That's okay. The labyrinth every Friday night. There, I remember a lot of people being into the labyrinth. Not that these are comparable, but we were like a Goonies family.

Like I was big on the Goonies and seen that movie so many fucking times. No, not me. Maybe once. Um, we were, we were really young. the Disney's hottest stretch ever was, I think it went Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Lion King in a row. Every year they would release a new, like, tell me a hotter streak by my like 1992 Disney movies. I'll fucking know. I swear to God, Little Mermaid came out.

I'm like, how can a movie beat this, Beauty and the Beast? And then how can a movie top that, Aladdin? Then how can we get better than this, Lion King? If you guys know a better streak, let us know. because that is a strong-ass streak, okay? And after that, it was Pocahontas, which, but then I was a little outgrew. I was, I got groomed because, I mean,

that streak, I was like very young. The songs were so, the songs were so solid from those. Like, all the little dance, the little mermaid, when her and her sisters are dancing in the very beginning of the movie with the king, and then when she goes, look at this stuff, isn't it neat? Yeah. sickest song ever.

I know. A whole new world? I'm sorry. All right, guys. Well, there's your pop culture roundup in 2020. What are you guys doing? Where are you going to go? It's so funny that we used to do a pop culture roundup.

It's from the 90s. Half of our audience is like, we weren't even alive then. Ew, you're so old. Little mermaid literally might be 89. I don't know. I remember seeing the Lion King with my dad in theaters. I don't remember. I do. I don't remember seeing the other ones in theaters. I saw it with, I remember my friend that I saw it with, and she cried hysterically.

The first movie, I remember crying in the theater, too, as a kid, was Forrest Gump. I remember when he said Jenny died on a Wednesday or whatever, I just lost it. I cried it on those two, but I'll tell you a funny story. Then we can get to the episode. Do you know who Greg Luganis was? I mean, yeah. He was a swimmer. He was an Olympics, he was an Olympic swimmer. Okay. Yeah. And he was gay and he had AIDS. And it was at a time we're like, It wasn't so great to be out gay. Anyway, there was a lifetime original movie about Greg Lugainess,

and he's gay, whatever. He falls and hits his head, and he's all fucked up, and he's AIDS, whatever. I'm sounding very flipping, but that's not the point of the story. So I'm watching with my brother. My brother's maybe four years old, and Greg Luganis is talking to his boyfriend, and the boyfriend is proposing to him, and he says, you know, I love you, I want to take care of you forever. I want to protect you.

I want to make everything. everything okay and I look over at my brother and my brother is crying and I'm like, what is your problem? And he goes, he wants to be his dad. That is a four-year-old's understanding of a man proposing to another man. Oh my God. I'll never forget looking at Ireland. It was amazing. Full on tears. He wants to be his dad. The only thing that would have made that better is he said he wants to be his daddy because you guys like said daddy instead of dad. That would have been the quote. And 10 years later, you would come to be like, he did. He did, Arlen.

He was his daddy. Good call. I'll tell Arlen that he ruined it. All right, guys. Well, you ready to jump in? Yeah. Okay, guys, we have a really special guest today in the house studio on Zoom with us to really help flash out some of the feelings that we're all feeling at this time. She is an awareness coach.

She's a teacher, a speaker, a workshop facility. She is certified in Gisdahl therapy, which we will get into a little bit more. She's going to tell me how to pronounce that. She specializes in helping people move towards inner wholeness, expand their self-awareness, and resolve mental blocks. She's going to talk to us all about communicating with your partner and coping with your own emotions. Please welcome to the Zoom House studio, Adela Rafa.

Yay. Yay. Hi. Hi. I do. You did great. Thank you. Yes.

Awesome. And I want to say that you came highly recommended to us from a former guest that our listeners loved. And that was Kelly Knight of Modern Mystic Shop and Modern Mystic Tarot in Atlanta. And she recommended you to us. And I do everything she tells me to do. So she's never been wrong. Kelly is a wonderful person. And I'm very honored to be here with you.

And I really appreciate her recommendation. And yeah, it's exciting to be here. I recently found out about you, so I did my homework and listened to some of your episodes, and I got some really awesome laughs, and you guys were funny, and it's fast-paced, and it's really great. Thank you. We're excited to have you. We want to hear a little bit about more about what you do and what you specialize in, and then Ashley did a really great job of just crowdsourcing some questions and topics for today that we're going to focus on.

But yeah, did I pronounce just Stalt Therapy the right way? Yes. It's either gestalt or gestalt. I don't think it matters all that much. I believe that the German pronunciation might be gestalt. Cash child. Gistalt. It's like GIF or GIF. People don't know. It's whatever. Whatever mood you're in you can use. But what it is is really interesting if you want to talk a little bit about what you would like to focus on. Well, sure. I call, I call Gistalt therapy, adult therapy, because it really made me grow up a lot. when I started experiencing with Gisdalt. First, as a patient for my own therapy, and then as a student learning it, and then as a practitioner, practicing it with my clients. And it's very much being present in the moment to what is.

It's having the experience and like really allowing experiencing what it is that you're experiencing without over-analizing it. It's very much in our senses. What are you feeling? What are you seeing? What are you hearing? What are you experiencing? What are you in contact with?

And a lot of times, what we're in contact with is sensations and feelings and emotions. There's scary things that we don't like to feel a lot of times. So it's a deep dive into your internal landscape as an experiential. Everything is experiencing what is. and it's more in the present moment. So when I work with clients, it's mainly we begin here and now versus what happened to you as a child, or what happened to you last week. We may end up going there, but it's always starting with here and now.

What are you present to? What are you experiencing? What are you sensing? And then we go from there. And then that way we can have a goal of where we're going next. Where do you want to go? Okay. Well, I think people are experiencing a lot right now.

I think there is a... Yes, yes. We're in the final of a gestalt. That's what I say. We are in our main gestalt right now. And if we can be present to our lives right now, we can grow a lot. This is a good time for in-a-work. Okay. Well, we like we said, we asked our listeners how we felt on Instagram and they delivered. I don't want to say I'm excited about it because it was a lot of not positive emotions, but I'll run through some of those and then we'll hone in on a few that came up repeatedly. But we got a lot of ups and downs. I have good days and I have really bad days. Overwhelmed, worried about loved ones, anxious, depressed about the future, lonely, isolated, drained, exhausted, unproductive, lack of focus and then guilty and anxious

about the unpredictivity and lack of focus and then jealous of those being productive. I can't sleep. I'm stressed. I'm experiencing trauma in the home. My inner child has come out. Helpless. Mad, mad at nothing, mad at everything, easily agitated, numb and concerned why I'm not feeling more. Loss of control. Manic. Someone said Rona coaster, which I got a lot. Well, there's the episode title. Appreciated the emotional Rona coaster.

Existential crisis, grief, financially stressed. And then a lot about relationships. People are seeing their partners for who they really are. They're questioning their relationship. They miss their partner that they're not with. They're worried about their relationship. And then we got some that people actually. said that I feel surprisingly okay, which is concerning. So we got it all. I love it. I'm excited about

I love when I'd love more to have a conversation about these negative emotions versus, you know, if we're all happy, you wouldn't have me on, obviously. So I think it's a safe thing to assume that we're all having experiences right now. And that we're all having a lot of feelings and emotions. And they are like that listener said rollercoaster. Because some moments, and I don't even think it's day by day, it's moment by moment that we are experiencing our feelings so fast and furious. And we don't know how to hold the container.

I think that's a really good point, which is just that like I feel like I'm so strongly committed to one thing and I'll be so sad and then I'm furious and then I'm crazy productive and I cycle through these. I don't know about you guys, but I cycle through these really fast and I experience a lot of things in one day. So that's also like a lot to deal with. I think physically that your brain

and your blood pressure are just cycling through this like crazy. But also that's the state of the pandemic is that it changes by day by hour. You know, like it's moved so quickly. You know, one day things seemed manageable and fine. The next day they were out of control.

So I think it's like we're on the, we're on the corona coaster that exists in the world. Yes. And we're experiencing what we're experiencing as individuals, right? Individual, which is unique to each one of us. But then we're also experiencing all of this collectively as a collective. So not only are you feeling and seeing and hearing your own feelings and emotions, but other people around you.

So that can add to your feelings and emotions being increased and elevated because it's like, now your families and your friends and watching the news and seeing people out in the world, it's a global thing that we're feeling collectively emotionally. It is the uncertainty that is playing with our heads. I heard you say something about it. It's plain mind tricks. You know, uncertainty is probably the biggest trigger for our deepest fears. So we're all very triggered. and people who haven't done any awareness work

or not in touch with themselves spiritually or emotionally, they might be struggling more so than people that have some awareness training, have a practice that they follow. And it can be challenging to soar through. I think that's a good point also, just to give credit how people are feeling it's just, you know, when I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I'm sad,

I'm pissed off about something. I'm usually the only person I have to worry about. I'm only my feelings. But, you know, then you have the added pressure of your parents, your siblings, everybody that you love. And I didn't really think about that, but it is nice at least to identify, like, the stress level is not just because I'm so sad and upset.

It's because, like, all these people I love are as well, you know? Yes. Yes. And people who are sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions, no, empaths are feeling it a lot more. So our container, our bodies, our beings are having to hold a lot more than what we're normally used to. So how can we... Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, so fix it for us. Yeah, no. Let's like kind of run through some of these. I mean, someone that's like, I am so lonely. I'm so isolated. I'm single. I am, you know, maybe they don't have roommates, you know, whatever it may be.

Or maybe they do because, you know, there's plenty of people that aren't friends with their roommates. That was a living situation that worked out for them. So what can you offer to somebody that loneliness and isolation and therefore leading into anxiety and depression is their main feeling right now. Yeah, I mean, we don't even know how this is going to impact our mental health. I mean, not only mental health, but we're now discovering, you know, domestic violence is going to increase, is already increasing.

And of course, depression and suicide. I mean, these are all big concerns that we all have to keep an eye on and, like, really pay attention to what we can do. And for people that are home alone, I'm home alone. And, you know, I don't even see my kids right now. I have two adult kids. But what we do is we talk on the phone. We connect.

It's important to connect to somebody. And if you don't have any friends, if you're all by yourself and don't have any family or any friends, if you're estranged, completely isolated, there are a lot of places and groups and ways to connect to other people out in the world. I mean, every day I get invited to something, free this, free this, free that, free this. Zoom call, free seminar, free webinar. I mean, there's so many things that you can join and connect to so that you have a sense of, I'm not alone in this, because we are collectively in this together. So find an interest.

What are you interested in? And Google search and see who is offering ways to connect either via Zoom, Skype, or Facebook. Our Facebook group, they're just throwing Zoom logins out there or Zoom meeting, and meeting codes and girls are joining. They're doing Netflix watch parties together. So I love our community for being that accepting. But also, Raina, you've done a great job with connecting with people via Zoom. And this is like an ad for Zoom.

But I think some people, their pride or ego may have gotten in the way where they don't, they've never had to say, I need you right now. Like they're used to having social plans on the weekends. And they feel strange being like, hey, friend. or a family member. Let's commit to a time and set up this call where they may have never had to do that before because their life was just already social and they didn't have to say to somebody, I'm feeling lonely. Can we please set up this phone call? I love that you mentioned, you know, just if you're alone, find a way to connect with people and maybe it's not your loved ones that you can connect with. But anybody, there are support groups. There's Zoom meetings. There's, yeah, our Facebook group. But, you know, I'm alone. I'm going on Friday will be an entire month. I can't believe it. It'd be 20. days of me being completely alone here.

And I've found ways to connect with people. I mean, it's important. And Ashley knows I have really bad days sometimes, but every day it is important for me to like get on a Zoom call, talk to people, see somebody's face. I feel like it mentally really helps me. There are some days I don't want to do that either. Also, just because I'm alone doesn't mean I want to talk to you all the time.

Like I have friends. They're like, you haven't texted me back. I'm like, I wouldn't text you on a normal day. Just back off. But, you know, it's been. And even like, and I, again, I don't know what the different regulations, different cities are, but even getting outside, I took a walk and I sat on a bench right by a bakery that people were going, they had takeout. Just seeing people

walk down the street in like yoga pants with their dog. It did help me to see people in the world. Like for me, at least that really, that helps because I don't have anybody else around me. Right. Yeah. Yes, I'm home alone too. And strangely enough, I have actually enjoyed my home alone time. It's been wonderful. I have, you know, the opportunity and the privilege to, to meet with my clients online, thankfully. So I do have interactions every single day. So that helps me keep me, you know, engaged. But I do believe, like, in a way life is really calling on us individually and as a collective

to move into a place of wisdom and resilience. And when we feel the feelings of, I'm feeling lonely or am I feeling alone, rather than running out and fixing it, like sit with it. Like I like to say, invite your loneliness for coffee, have coffee or tea with your loneliness or with your depression or with your sadness or with your anger. Talk to your feelings and say, hey, what's coming up? What's going on?

And then even going deeper, like how old is your loneliness? Is there an age? You know, like, well, maybe it was, you know, I felt lonely when I was in first grade. You know, maybe it's my, you know, seven-year-old who is feeling lonely. So what does she need? What does that part of me look for needs to help cope better or to just have a voice and say what it is that you're experiencing?

Because we all have aspects of ourselves, right? You don't think that I'm talking about multiple personalities here. I'm talking about all the various aspects that we have of ourselves. And English salt therapy, what we do is we're looking to integrate. all those parts of ourselves so we can become whole, right? Whole with W-H-O-L-E and not walking around with a bunch of holes, H-O-L-E-S, right? So we're looking to integrate, not avoid, not get rid of.

Like, how do I get rid of that crazy aspect of myself? No, don't get rid of it. Integrate it. Make it be part of you. And that's going to make you whole. And then that way you can manage. You can manage your emotions. You can feel them coming.

I mean, I joke sometimes and say, let's have the board meeting, because there's a lot of things going on right now. There's a lot of people on this roller coaster. Let's talk. Like, what's going on here? Let's just sort through this so that we can come to a place of just groundedness and peace. We were talking about managing your feelings. And do you encourage people to, well, A, you know, therapy.

So many people I know are doing virtual therapy. You know, there's a bunch of different apps. and things like that, but do you encourage people to journal that down, like to kind of write down, like put a name to what you're feeling? Yes, yes. Journaling is great. And for people who don't like to journal, you can record it on your phone. Oh, that's a good idea.

Most people have a recording it to talk, talk. And then listen on what comes up. Like, don't censor it. Just like let it flow and just pour it out on your pen or just talking it out. Because I just think that all of this is like, anything can be considered like training for something else. Like this is like this intensive course in learning how to be alone, you know? Because I think that pandemic or not, we're all going to be alone at some point, you know,

not to get too morbid, but, you know, the tools you could develop during this like extreme isolation could help you in the future for another something that comes up. And the thing is, we all have those little seeds within us. And now is the time to cultivate them. Now it's the time to water those little seeds so that they can grow and we can pull from those because they're all within us. You know, like when you ask somebody for advice, right, a lot of times you already have the answer.

It's within you. And sometimes you may just need to process it out loud or you need to hear other people's opinions to validate that, yeah, my opinion was really the way I was going to go anyways, right? Or sometimes you get some insight, didn't think about. But a lot of times we do have. have the answers within ourselves. So I encourage people to like sit with yourself. It's uncomfortable. A lot of times we find it very uncomfortable to sit in the discomfort. And that's what we can practice

becoming a little bit more comfortable with sitting in that discomfort and just noticing. What am I noticing about myself? What is it like to be me feeling uncomfortable? What is it like to be me feeling sad? Like what happens when I feel sad? What is that experience like? like. And then what is it that I'm sad about? If you go deeper into the feeling and understand what is making you sad, then you really get to see what you value, what's important to you. Because I'm sad that I'm alone, meaning I really value my family and my friends. I love connecting. I love being part of a community. So now you see you're valuing relationships. So you begin to understand a little bit of who you are as a person. Yeah. And I think now more than ever is a time.

to not be so hard on ourselves for feeling those things. I think that everybody wants a quick fix always for those feelings. It's I'm feeling bad, let's diagnose how to feel better. And I think that there's some comfort in knowing that everybody feels like this right now. You're just a part of like a global situation where everybody is in this. And everyone feels sad and lonely. And I do, because I am alone here, I take comfort in knowing that I am sort of, there is solidarity in it, if that makes sense.

That other people are like that. And we were talking earlier. everybody wishes they were in somebody else's situation. But I think now is the time to not be so hard on yourself for feeling those feelings. Oh, absolutely. It's, it's, if we can expand our self-compassion and kindness, just be more compassionate and kind to yourself. And that will help us.

Like somebody said, why am I not productive enough? Or, you know, your viewers were saying, judging themselves or feeling not enough. and things like that. Instead of just being where you are, like be where you are, it's okay to be where you are. It'll pass. Emotions are like cloud in the sky.

They'll move along. They'll pass. But as long as we sit with it, it's when we start to resist our feelings and resist, I'm not wanting to be here. Like, oh, this is too much. I want to avoid.

I want to pop a pill or I want to take a drink or this that we do. I need to go shopping or avoidance. That doesn't make it go. way. It just is a temporary fix. The feelings are still there. They're like signposts. Right. Yeah. For me, everybody's different. I feel better when I'm productive. I feel better when I get in a workout. I think yoga has been really instrumental for me during this and in life. And so that's what works for me. I, you know, but I think some people have a blockage of even getting to that point of productivity because

they haven't really worked through their other feelings. So it's like if you're crippled by anxiety and fear and uncertainty and loneliness and all these things, it's like the last thing you're you want to do is like fire up online yoga class, you know. So I think there's like stages of it. And if you don't want to do anything through this, then Dahl, but it works for me personally, you know, so I feel so much better after I get something done. And also though, Rayne and I have a job that hasn't stopped. So like our lives are still kind of, our job is still similar. You know, I think that there's people that have lost their jobs that are like, I don't know what to do with my day. at all. I always just worked, went to the gym, went home, you know, maybe went on a date here and there,

did whatever. Like, I don't even know where to start because I don't have a job anymore. Right. And I think there's also people that are like, I don't care about a yoga routine. Like, I just lost all my income. I lost my job. I can't put food on the table. So, of course, we're compassionate to that as well. You know, Ashley and I know that our biggest thing is staying productive and focused every day. Other people have things to focus on. And they're not like, you know, let me start up a new hobby. maybe I'll be a chef now, you know? We're really sensitive to that as well. Where, of course, you know, the last thing in your mind is a new hobby.

Yeah, I want to talk about people that, I mean, we just had anxiety come up a ton. Like the manicness, the rona coaster, the like crazy highs and lows. And I want to speak to that because that feels like the most overwhelming emotion people are having. I mean, you can feel it. And you do energy work, you know, like in your body of this just like overwhelming anxiety. And I love that you say you feel it in your body. That's exactly what I ask my clients when I work with them. Where are you feeling what you're feeling in your body? So if it's anxiety, where does anxiety live in your body? Where does it? Where is it? Where do you feel it? And then connect with that

place. It's usually in like the chest, can't breathe or it's the stomach. It's overwhelming. So connect with it and like put you place your hand on the place in your body where you feel. feel anxious. And that will help this nervous system. And another way to go inward to is close your eyes. So now you have two steps. Put your hand where you feel the feeling or emotion, the anxiety. Go inward. When you close your eyes, you're signaling to yourself that I'm going inside. I'm going inward. And then breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I mean, you can count your breaths. You can do four, four, four, four. You know, you breathe, inhale, counting to four. You exhale counting to four. and then hold for again,

recycle. That's a simple technique and tool that you can do to just calm your nervous system before you do anything else. And then maybe you need to hear something. Like when I'm anxious and I'm scared, I tell myself, I'm here, all is well. And I say that to myself quietly. I'm here. I'm not alone. I'm fine. I'm okay.

All is well. Because that part of you that's anxious might need something. what is it? So help calm the nervous system, help be present here in this moment. Anxiety is usually when we are in the future. So we're future tripping. We're future planning. We're telling stories about what the scary stuff that's about to happen. All the unknown that we can't have any control over. So bring it to the present, be in your body, connect, breathe. And then when you feel a little bit more calm. What is the one thing you can do next?

What's the one step I can take right now? What is the one thing I can do right now? And I know that's a technique too with anxiety is to get into your senses. Like look at five things that you can see, smell, two things, you know, feel three things. You know, listen and hear, you know, four things. Just anything to get out of your brain that's, telling you stories about how scary it currently is. That's the story, right?

Usually it's when we go so far into the future, we take ourselves away from the present. So if we can just bring ourselves back to here and now, things are usually fine. Things are okay. You know, I'm okay. Nothing is going on around me. I'm fine.

Yes. So we would love to talk about, you know, how do you communicate with friends, with a significant other, with a parent? I don't have a significant. and other, I find myself becoming a little more irritable with my parents, with friends. I am easier to be a little ticked off or sad. I've needed a lot of time away from my phone. I've just,

I think we're all a little more unhinged than normal. And I think that, you know, maybe it would be great to talk about how do you ask for things that you need from a romantic partner, which is very different than your parents. Some people are cooped up with their parents like Ashley. And that's not a normal state, you know, for us to be adults with their parents. And, you know, so maybe we could talk a little bit about break those down. They're different, but how to communicate what you need with a partner or a friend. We want to keep this as broad as possible. We know that romantic relationships are different than parents and roommates, but it's still the person you're quarantined with or, you know, others like Raina said, just becoming more irritable with people you could even be talking to on the phone or texting with and things like that. But just the communication on the while everyone's feeling extra on it. edge. And that's the thing to realize. The first thing is to realize that we're all going through something. We're all going through something. We're all more on edge. And we have a lot of feelings to sort through. Just having that understanding about ourselves also gives us more permission and understanding for other people. And like everybody is in the same boat here. And we're all

dealing with it the best we can. So give each other a little bit more grace and space to make mistakes and not get it right. And even thinking outside of those lines of right or wrong. And one of the things that most people don't practice very well is asking for what they need and what they want, because we don't know how. We are not taught what I call emotional hygiene. We're taught to clean our rooms and brush our teeth and, you know, do whatever. But we're not told what, how to manage and how to deal with our feelings and our emotions. Actually, quite the opposite a lot of the times. Like, what's the matter would you?

What would you need something to be sad about? I'll give you something sad about it. Or, you know, like, why are you feeling what you're feeling? You should be happy. You should be this. Smile. So we're confused from the very early age about our feelings and our emotions. And now that we're in a crisis, we're supposed to know how to ask what we need.

Well, hell. We don't learn this. I was thinking, the thing that makes you really happy is no, man on the street has looked at me and said, want to you smile today in weeks? And I'm thrilled. Right? Yes.

Like, don't tell me how to feel. But then how do I know what I feel? How do I discern and how do I navigate my own internal feeling, web of feelings? And it is getting to know yourself. It is really going within and learning. How am I being when I'm feeling? You said a little on edge. So when I'm,

am on edge. What is it like to be me being on edge? What is it that I do? And then what's underneath the being edgy? Maybe I need contact. Maybe I need something. What is that something? What would feel good? What would sound good? What would I need to see to get me to a different state of mind? Like what would help me move through this feeling into a different state? And how can I communicate that to my partner or to my parents. And what I like to say is state the obvious. Like state the obvious. Like right now I would say to you, you're looking at me and smiling.

I'm laughing. I'm laughing because I'm thinking about people that are like, I just want to kill my partner. I'm with them all the time. And to me, stating the obvious is being like, hey, I can't be in this room with you. And I think people are afraid to say that because it's insulting. But that's why I'm laughing.

I'm thinking about all these couples that like are, probably afraid to just be like, I don't want to look at your face. I just, I don't want to do it. You can say that and they're not making it about you, not attacking the partner, but saying, I need some space. I need a timeout. I need to go into my room, put some headphones on, listen to some music, or just go to sleep. And I would say that if you're the one that goes away from the partner,

you need to be the one that comes back. Okay. Don't have the partner, don't have the partner wait that creates uncertainty for them, right? uncertainty that we don't need to add to the mix right now. So you can commit like, hey, honey, I need to go away. I am not a good company right now. And I just need to bump myself. And I'll be back when I'm ready.

Like, I'll come out. I'll get you. I'll call you. I'll text you. Whatever it is. So if you go away, you need to be the one that initiate coming back again. And that will build trust in your relationship. And it also, it builds a few things.

It builds, like you can set boundaries. It's okay for you to set boundaries and okay for you to say, I can't do this right now, but I'll be bad. That creates a bond of trust, right? I don't know about you, but if my partner knows what he wants and knows how to take care of himself, that's appealing to me.

Like, that takes it off for me, and I don't have to worry about taking care of anybody. They know how to take care of themselves, and that's appealing and that's mature too. That's adult. That's what we're supposed to do. But it gives me the time and the space, too. and room for me to do the same if that's what my partner does, right?

So now you have that trust that you're building together. And to show each other, you know, I need to take care of myself right now, but I'll be back. We always say open with like, I love you. I'm, you know, I'm mad at you. And I think a lot of people probably tied into their upbringing and things immediately feel you're mad at me. Like my mom's mad at me. My dad's mad at me. My partner's mad at me.

And, you know, I think we deal with that with friends and, and, and romantic partners of this like that, that's where their mind goes. So I think it's like, no, this has nothing to do with you, right? This has to do with me. And, you know, I remember when I had, was in my last year's relationship, we weren't in a quarantine. We didn't even live together.

But there was a day we spent two fucking long together. And at the end of the day, he still wanted to watch some, something. And I was so annoyed with him. And I thought it was still pretty new. So I was like, oh, this is the beginning of the end. And I just needed space. And he was at my house. And I said,

I'm going to pour a glass of rosé and go sit on the porch for like an hour. And he was like, I think he felt a little hurt, but I like said there was a time limit. I'm just going to sit out there for an hour. I'm going to call Kate. I'm going to do something. And I think he was a little like, oh, you don't want to spend time with me. But I when I came back inside, I was like a new person. You know, I was like, let's have sex.

You know, like I just, I needed this break and I needed to say I need a break and you respect it and be okay with it. And I think a lot, we have a lot, we have a younger listener base, not all of them, but there's some younger women that just aren't comfortable with that yet. And it's like, you may as well get comfortable now if you're going to be with this person. Yes, get comfortable now. And you said something that I wanted to follow up on. We set people up for the conversations, right? And we don't know how to do it elegantly. We do it like, for example, I don't want you to take this personally, but.

right okay so that's an invitation to take it personally sure yes exactly i don't want you to take this the wrong way there's a set up for you to take it the wrong way sorry maybe i made a mistake i don't think i said that but no you didn't say that in my experience but i'm glad we're talking to it on this you didn't say it but your story made me think about how we set it up um when when we have a need and want to say something what we do we come with all of these um disclaimers instead of just sticking to the points. Okay. And I statements.

Yes, make eye statements. And also instead of saying, I don't want you to take the wrong way or that wasn't my intention, right? How many times do we say that? And like, that wasn't my intention. Then state your intention. What is your intention? Okay.

And my two bookmarks that I use when I communicate is, so I state my intention. My intention is to have conversation about setting some clear boundaries between us. And the other bookend is my desired outcome. So after this conversation is over, my desired outcome is that we have a clear understanding about our boundaries. So be intentional and what's my desired outcome. Because a lot of times we go in, we have a lot of feelings. It doesn't have a direction and then we pull from this and then we, you know, we bring in

old situations or conversations that has nothing to do what's going on in the present moment. Sure. Yeah. I think boundaries is the perfect way to describe it. And I think that we're in a situation that's not natural. None of us should ever be around other people this much that you are quarantined with. And we all have boundaries. I might choose to draw a boundary at a different time than my partner draws it,

you know, where your partner's hurt. And they want to be in a room with you right now because that's what they need. But I think that I just, you know, just like you said, I want to give credit to people that like you're allowed to have boundaries right now. It's not so crazy. And your partner is boundaries too. They probably don't want to be around you all the time. I'm sure my parents are honestly thrilled that I'm not there with them.

I'm sure they want to just have their own life. And I don't think that they have sex. But if they do, they can have sex with me in the house. And, you know, nobody wants anybody around them this much. And that's fine. But I also, you know, I want to say, like, I think this is a great opportunity to get to know your partner and their boundaries in terms of when they need space. So like Raina and I, for example, because, you know, we're in a partnership. Like, she does need to take time where she puts her phone away and she doesn't respond to me or anybody.

and when we first kind of started this whole thing, I think I, I think she did that sometimes and I didn't know. And I thought that she was mad at me or, you know, which she probably was in the right sometimes because I could be like such a bitch. But like, you know, I think I didn't know that she just needed to take these breaks from me, the incessant work we have to do and like all of the things. And I've had to like learn and she's been vocal about it more. And I've had to like learn how she operates.

And I think I don't take it personally. And I think Raina's been great about being like, this has nothing to do with you. I'm going to like put the phone away for a couple hours. Because it's like people, when they're not getting a response via text or they're not, they're not, they feel like you're, they're being ignored. Then they think that you're mad or something went wrong or the relationships on the rocks. And so her and I have, you know, we've known each other for years now.

We have this business together. We know each other inside now. But I feel like it was kind of, it took a little bit to get to understand those, I need space, I need boundaries thing. And now we're like the lines. of communication are so open. So I think in a newer relationship that you don't know those things about your partner, you don't have those tools, this is when it's all coming up.

And it's a good time to learn it if you're going to stay together. Ian asks questions. Don't make assumptions. We make so many assumptions in our relationships when it could be so much easier and more productive, we just ask. Like, what would feel supported to you right now, honey? Sure. What does support look like for you?

What does support feel like to you? Because to me, support in my life? look like this, but it may be something different for you. So ask those types of question, and especially when we're in a good place. Like, don't ask those questions when we're inflamed and upset or, you know, in a conflict situation. Ask to have those type of conversation as a way to bond and get to know each other. So when the situation does arise, you know, okay, so when they get in this place or when she needs to put a phone away, that has nothing to do with me. There's nothing for me to fix, give her room. So then I can go talk to my other friend Kate,

because we'll have a glass of rosé on the balcony and we'll be good, right? I'm glad that I actually brought that up. And, you know, I am learning to be better to ask about space, but, and I'm not great at it. Like last night, I just stopped responding to her. And we have a business to run and we're also so close. And we do just talk shit about everything all day. And I just stopped responding. And I think that she knows now after weeks of this, that that's because, like, I just need space from my phone, not from her, but I am trying to at least get better about apologizing when I do that. So this morning, my first text to her was like, hey, I apologize for ignoring you. I just was in, like, a bad place.

And I think she knows now, too. But if I can't give people the heads up, at least I'm trying to get better about apologizing for being like that. And I'm not sorry for feeling like that, but I'm sorry for how I acted because I felt, you know what I mean? At least I'm trying to exercise that. part. And maybe you want to consider too giving your partner just like a little indication that I'm going away now. Yeah. Just like now I'm going to,

you know, I don't know if that's an emoji or if that is a word or a safe word. That means peace out. You know, I need, I need space. You know, you can have those kind of code words so that you know. Because for the other person, until you know that about the other person, It can create some angst in the partner, right? And so we can eliminate those in our partnership by communicating. Just, I need this. What do you need? Like, what would be helpful to you?

And really ask more questions and even of ourselves and our partners. And, you know, even having some questions written down in a fishbowl and have that be, what are we going to do tonight? I don't know. Let's put a question of a fishbowl and see how we would answer that. And it could be something like, What do I need most right in this moment to feel calm and grounded? I mean, that can be a topic for discussion, you know, or when I get irritated with my family

and I come bitch into you, this is what I need from you. This is what I don't need you to fix me. I don't need you. I just need you to listen. Having those type of conversation is helpful in the relationship up front, not when you get to the conflict. Well, I just love that idea anyway of let these questions and, quizzes and internet, like lists of questions and things like that do the work for you. So like

do Google some stuff. Find this like thing that speaks to you. And then it's not like, you know, you're like, oh, that was just this like thing that said we would get to know each other better. You know, it's not you blatantly asking these questions that are a little uncomfortable. I think that I, we, Rain and I are such big proponents of like questions to ask on a first date, questions to ask your future partner. Like I just think that we, if you're quarantined with somebody you have all the time in the world, even if you're long distance with them, you're doing Zoom dates and stuff. Like, why not learn this stuff about your partner now

when we have the time? Exactly. Yes. Another one is, like, what are your non-negotiables? Like, I love that question. I like, I asked that early on. Like, what are your non-negotiables? Because they might be different for me.

And if it's not a mat, I'd rather know sooner rather than later. Totally. After we invested a lot of time. So, yeah, questions, questions, ask questions. I love this. And I think that like, you know, the only thing I can really compare it, to was during Hurricane Sandy.

I was quarantined. I couldn't really get out of the house with my partner. And I am not proud of the side that my partner saw of me. You know, I was stuck at home. Most of New York had no electricity. You didn't have access to anything. And I was stuck in a home with this person for a week. I couldn't go to work.

I couldn't see other people. And we had sex. But like that was really the only time we were connecting because I wanted to kill him. And I wasn't proud of that side of myself that I was so quick to anger. I was so pissed off. And I think that if I had these tools, it probably would have helped me. I don't think I could have even said to him,

like, I need you to, I would have said, like, get the fuck out of my face. I don't want to look at you. Instead of saying, like, I just need some space. Like, I go to the bedroom. You go to the living room. Like, I just, I don't know. I didn't know how to say those things.

I was younger. Right. Yes. And it does, you know, our communication style and skills, obviously improve and changes the more experiences we have. and with age, obviously. You know, we have different needs in our 20s versus 30s versus 40s and now in my 50s.

So, you know, we learn more about ourselves and we have more experiences so we can engage differently than. And, you know, we also know the most important person to please. It's not the other. It's really ourselves because it's ourselves we live with the most, right? But we don't know that when we're younger and we just want to please everybody else and put ourselves last. a lot of the times. We got a few people that, let me read, I'll read a few word for word. One listener said, how can I marry my boyfriend if spending all this time with him is making me feel bored? And somebody said, I'm wondering who my boyfriend is after all this. So we got

some things like that. I mean, we don't know their situation. So it could be that, yeah, you guys are not a match. You, like this brought everything to the surface. And thank God it did before you walked down the aisle. And I guess there could be the, the fact that like, have you tried the communication tools? Is it just that you're annoyed and stir crazy? Because, you know, like I said, I had that blip with this person early on where I was like, oh my God, I'm so annoyed with him. I don't even want to be around him right now. That means that this is the beginning of the end of our relationship. And it just wasn't. I was just annoyed. So I think there's no way to tell unless we know your situation. But I mean, is there any

overarching advice you can give to somebody that's like questioning their relationship? Well, yes, I would say, you know, you may not want to make big major decisions when you are in a major crisis, right? Like, we're in a crisis right now. And so big decisions, unless there's like obvious and there's harm or there's violence or anything like that and you need to get out. Obviously, that's a different story. But just because you're bored right now, is that all the time or just right now? Are you bored or are you just bored with your partner? Like those are different things to me.

Like nobody should be responsible for entertaining you 24 hours a day except for Ashley is responsible to do that for me. But other than that, like it's no one's job to do that for you. So it might not even be fair to say, I mean, your partner might be boring. I don't know. But is that even fair to say? Exactly. So you don't want to make major decisions.

And is this something that can be, can we just wait and see this one right now? Is it important to make that decision right now? And what was the other one, the fiancé, I don't know who my fiance is in all this. I would say ask him, who are you in all this, honey? What's happening for you? What are you experiencing? Like, where are you? And it's just, it's in the most tender way possible being like, I did not expect this thing from you.

You know, like we're in a relationship, not like, I don't know you, but in terms of like, this surprised me a little. Can we talk about it? you know, to her, it seems like she's seeing a different side of a person. And also, yeah, you might just need to break up when this is over. You know, like, it's not always the answer, but sometimes it's the answer. Sometimes it is the answer. Yes. Sometimes it is the answer. And again, I think that we can just look to ask more questions, not only of our partners,

but ourselves too. Like, what's going on from me? Am I the one that's bored, like you said? Or is, are we just bored because we can't leave the house and we can't do things? that changes in relationship. You know, we're not used to being together that much. And now we don't have like commute time to and from work. We don't have just that whole external spaces to be by ourselves. Now we're with this person all the time or even when we're long distance relationship. That is changing too.

Like long distance relationships, usually you have some sort of physical connection and time together. and that may have been put on hold right now. So how do you keep those relationships alive and well? Let's talk about it. I feel their pain of like this, I miss the person one, but be like worried for the future of the relationship

because the one thing that was holding you together was this trip you planned in three weeks and everything is off the table. Yeah. And I want to give credit to people who like really found somebody four months ago. And that relationship isn't nurtured to a point that you can necessarily survive something like this because you don't have the history

of what somebody who's been together for years has had. And I mean, if you have no shared experiences, you're very limited at the end of the day on even inside jokes you have together anymore. And really, coronavirus is the only topic of every conversation I have. I'm so fucking sick of talking about it. So if I only have four to six months with somebody to build that foundation, where do I go from there? Those are all good questions. And I think it's too soon to say, right? Even in our relationships, we can have these types of conversation.

And you can even ask what you need. I know we're long distance, but I need us to be a team right now. I need to feel that I'm one in unity with you. Like we're on the same team. And what steps do we need to take to make that happen? Is that, you know, a date night? Is that daily phone conversations? And can the be daily phone conversations, if we have three, let's say, or two,

a day, let's just say, like one of them cannot mention the word virus, you know, and one of the conversation is just going to be, you know, sweet talk and seductive talk or connecting talk or whatever it is, you know, but we can set those type of structure and boundaries in place. So we have like an understanding if we're in this together or not. Well, I think that's like so important. And this is kind of like, I don't, kind of what I'm dealing with. where it's like I am kind of back to talking to this guy and I want to talk to him more, but I'm like, I don't want to ask, whatever. If we were dating and we were like a thing, I would be like,

what I'm going to need during this is like we have three phone dates a week, like where I know that they're on this calendar, you know, whether you do Zoom and you do your makeup and you have a glass of wine and you treat it like a date or you're just on the phone, whatever appeals to you, there's no right or wrong. But there's no reason why someone can't commit to you. We're all quarantined in our homes. There's nothing else that people are doing.

I know that we're working and things like that. But we're not going out. We don't have social plans. Like someone that you're dating that you're not quarantined with, that you're long distance, you should be able to commit to these needs that you have. And if they can't, I think maybe you reassess a relationship

and maybe you learn something very valuable and you shouldn't be with that person. But to me, it is the number one thing. It's that like Monday night we do the Zoom, the video chat. It's like we have this other date night Thursday. Like no one should,

make you feel silly for asking that and denying it because we're all on this really weird headspace where we need things to look forward to. Like I don't want to be all willy-nilly. I don't know when my boyfriend's going to call me. You know, like we're all really anxious and like the structure will help too. So any woman that's out there that feels like she's waiting by the phone for her boyfriend and not knowing when they're going to video chat and not knowing when they're going to talk next, like speak up. Oh, hell yeah. And that goes for men too. Like both. women and men. I don't understand why anybody has to wait anywhere. I don't get that. Like, make a decision. You decide you have a choice in your life, right? You can always ask for anything.

You're not always going to get it, but you can ask for it. But if you don't ask, you can't blame and shame. Right. And also, I don't mean, I know I sound all worked up, but I don't mean to demand these things. I don't mean to say, if we don't have three phone dates a week, we're breaking up. It's, we clearly, we've, Ray and I have had two years of, episodes, plenty of which are how to communicate effectively with your partner. You know, it's like, here's what I'm going to need to feel secure in this relationship. You know, the eye statements, all the things. Like, it's not demand, demand. So I, you know, my tone sounds demanding, but I'm, that's not how you should speak to

your partner. I had a situation that idea that of, you know, I can't believe that this is my partner. This is not my partner, but I had a guy come crawling back in. And we were on the phone for about an hour and a half the other day. And I realized after we got off the phone that he never asked me how things are in New York. He's in Florida right now. And the opposite of somebody, like me feeling like, can we have one conversation that doesn't mention the coronavirus? He never asked me how I'm emotionally dealing with this.

And that's everybody else's first question. They can't wait to talk to me about this. What is the vibe like? How's your mental state? Just in general, how are you doing? Right. I mean, we bullshit in and talked and I was appreciative for the escape. But at the end of it, I was like, oh, this person.

isn't super empathetic. This person doesn't really realize what it is like to be separated from your family and friends in the epicenter of this crisis. I mean, I'll tell me what it's like in New York. It's a nightmare. And I think that was a moment for me where I was like, oh my God, this is what this person's like. It's not his fault. Like you said, you can't, I would at least have a conversation and ask for that before I wrote them off. But I think it is a way to sort of see who people are. And we're really seeing like where people's empathy lies. And if you can't ask me those basic things, then I don't know how we're going to be able to exist

in other crises together. And it says something about you. Like you want your partner to care about you. You want them to be invested and interested in how you're doing and feeling and what's going on for you. You want somebody to care about you. So know that about yourself too, not just what they're not doing,

but what's important for you. That's a good point. anybody I'm talking to, even my most casual friends, first thing out of my mouth is, how are you doing? Because I care. That wasn't natural for him as well. I'm, you know, I'm not on his team anyway. So I'm glad to hear this is another strike against him.

But yeah, I mean, there's a level of escapism that I think is beautiful and I don't want to talk about it all the time. But yeah, I mean, it's a good litmus test for like, how are you going to function with me in a normal crisis? And if you can't even give me the bare minimum of like, hey, I know that you're in the middle of the hotbed of the worst place in literally the entire universe to be for this, how's that going? Then, you know, number one, like you said, it's something that I need and it's something I need to ask for. But if you can't give it to me, then like you can't be my partner. This person's not going to be my partner.

But, whew. Listen, if you saw him, though, he's so hot. Like, I just, he's got enough air time. anyway. I understand. Yeah. No, it's right now, like we said early, early on this conversation, everybody's going through their experience.

And now is really a good time to watch our own patterns and other people's patterns showing up. Because with all this heightened uncertainty, our nervous systems are triggered, bite, flight, freeze, all that is up. So we can really learn about ourselves. and other people around us, how they function. And then knowing that, you also can learn about what is it that I need to self-sooth, to self-regulate, to take care of myself, how is my emotional agility?

You know, how do I care for myself? How do I soothe myself when I'm feeling, you know, overly emotional and anxious? And how do I deal? What do I do? And knowing that about ourselves is really important because then when we show up with a partner, we can explain it. We can have that conversation. like you do with when you go away when you need your space. Like you have that understanding about each other.

Yeah, it's a great time to get to know yourself. Yes. I wanted to touch a little bit on grief just because, you know, I think earlier when we were talking about anxiety, it was, you know, telling yourself, I'm okay, people around me are okay. And for some people, that's just not the case. So I don't want to dwell too long on this because I think probably the minority

of our listeners are dealing with a, person that actually has the sickness or that has lost them completely. So, but I want to be sympathetic to it. So, I mean, we have people that are, that have at this point, I'm certain. I have a friend that both of her parents are, they have the virus. They're in the ICU. It's devastating. You know, we have so many medical workers that listen to show that are risking their

lives every day. And then we have listeners that their partner is working in the hospital. And every day they're worried they could get sick and die. and our parents are all aging. And so for people that can't really say everything's okay, I mean, do you have tools for those that are actually kind of dealing with the grief or actual fear and danger of death on the horizon? Well, it's a lot.

It's a lot to hold and take in and navigate through. And my heart goes out to everybody in New York, really. It's scary. It really is scary. I did some work at hospice, and so I was around death quite a bit for four years, and in scary situations, right? And it helped me realize that, I mean, we all know it, we just don't want to look at it. Death is definitely a part of life, and we're all going to get there someday,

and one of the audience members had said earlier, or you read that they had an existential angst going on. So we are seeing a lot of that because our lives are threatened and no, that doesn't feel okay. But I can still be okay with the not feeling okay. I can sit with the unknown and be sad and be okay with being sad, right? And grieve and be scared and worried and miss somebody tremendously and sit with those feelings a little bit and just know what it's like to be you feeling those feelings and know that they are going to pass you know grief is you know comes in a lot of with a lot of different feelings and emotions right i don't know if you know the five steps of grief depression anger denial bargaining and acceptance and those are all phases that we

we go through at some point, maybe in a minute, like all those phases, like instantly. It's not just this phase and then goes to the next one. It's circular. And all we can do is to do our best in each moment. I mean, that's the best advice I can give. Like, yes, it's going to be scary. Yes, it's going to be sad. Some people we know are going to die. We might get sick too. We don't know. And it's okay to be scared. It's okay to to be fearful and it's okay to ask for help. Don't sit alone in it and dwell on it for too long by yourself. That's when the danger comes in.

We want to reach out. We want to connect. We want to speak into it. We want to journal about it. We want to record ourselves about, you know, talking about it. It's a better out than in. So if there is a way to connect with somebody or talk to somebody, reach out to somebody,

not deal with all those feelings by yourself. the underlying theme is you're not alone. None of us are alone. Then there's, I hate to say it, but I don't know of any, but as this gets worse and worse, I think there is going to be support groups of people that are,

that have had lost due to this. And that's a really morbid thought. But whatever you're going through, other people are going through it and more people will continue to go through it. So, I mean, grief in general is always finding people that have experienced the same thing. I think that can be healing more than anything else. There are a lot of support groups out there. There's a lot of grief support groups.

And also, you know, if people have a therapist, you know, or a counselor or somebody that they trust and want to talk to, reach out. I mean, I'm sure, you know, a lot of people are now offering online options to connect and talk. And, you know, and if you don't have somebody, there are lots of them out there. And I read somewhere that there are lots of therapists that are offering free or very reduced price to health care providers. And we don't have to be struggling in this alone. There's lots of help out there, help out there. Yeah.

And I think that, you know, whether or not you know people that are sick or that have died, I read this article yesterday in the Harvard Business Review, because I'm very smart. I read Harvard stuff. And it was about this foremost expert on grief. and he said that what everybody is feeling is grief. And whether you've lost somebody to death, which I don't want to diminish that, but we're all dealing with the death of something right now.

And it's the death of the life we thought we were going to have, the plans we thought we were going to have. On a very small level, Ashley and I canceled 14, 15 shows that we were so excited about. It's the death of all these experiences. And, you know, I was, I'm supposed to drive home today for Passover. And I was supposed to spend the week with my parents and see my best friend's kid for Easter.

and I don't get to do any of those things. And it's the death of these experiences that I have to struggle with now. And, you know, hopefully we'll get out of this and nobody I know will be tremendously impacted. But, you know, we've all lost money and plans and things like that. And so I think we all are experiencing grief, whether it's death or not. So how are you dealing with it? May I ask you that? Thank you so much for asking.

Every day is different. And actually, I've talked about this a lot in the intro. of our show. But every, every week and every day is different. I think it really helps to have a partner like Ashley. We're always focused on something. We're always pushing each other to stay busy. We're seeing the positive that we're able to address all

these projects we've never gotten to do. I am almost on a Zoom call with somebody every day. Instead of having Passover Seder tonight with my family, we're doing a Zoom call Passover Sater. I'm going to go get some Mata. I'm not religious, but it's just nice to do it. My sister-in-law's

mother is a nurse. I called her today. to say thank you for working. And I don't know, just reminding myself of the good things, but also allowing myself to feel shitty and feel sad and cry and feel bad. I guess I'm just trying to deal with it as good as anybody. That sounds very healthy. Thanks. Yeah.

And reading the Harvard Business Review, and telling people about it. That's what I'm doing. Ashley, Howard, do you want to talk about how you're dealing with it? I mean, I feel really lucky. I just do. I feel like I'm in a place that I, choose to be anyway. You know, like I met my parents. This is my happy place where, you know,

on their farm and I get along with them. They're the most important people in my life. And I've settled into a different type of lifestyle. You know, it's more relaxed. I have done some workouts. You know, I've been eating really well. I've been cooking. And I've just, that's what keeps me sane. You know, if I find myself too many nights having too much to drink, I take a step back because that gives me anxiety also just for anybody who's out there. I know we were all drinking more, but if you have anxiety due to alcohol, like I do, consider that, because it's something that I deal with. But I mean, I'm like, I really miss my old life. You know, I miss my apartment, you know, obviously seeing Raina face to face. We talk

all the time. But my friends and doing stand-up comedy, I like, it's my favorite thing to do and I haven't done it in a month now at this point. And, you know, like I said, I was kind of seeing somebody. and that just got abruptly ended due to this. So I miss so many things, but I'm very aware that I have it really well. And so we've talked about it before. A, I want to help regardless, but also feeling like I am one of the quote unquote lucky ones that it gets to be in a nice safe space with people that I like. I want to just give back as much as I can.

But yeah, so I'm pretty good. I don't want to do this forever. but Rain and I have also discussed like the acceptance phase of like this is my life now and what keeps me feeling pretty stable and normal is just not really thinking too much about the old way of life and not thinking that like next weekend we should be doing these shows in Philly that we were looking forward to more than anything and like, you know, I should be going on dates or doing stand up and it's like I just, I can't really think about it. Like I'm like, I live on this farm now with my parents and it's my dog is happy and we're healthy and I'm learning to cook more. and, you know, we're getting a lot done on the business side of things. So that's what works for me is kind of like, I can't look too far in the future of like what's going to happen. You know, people dying, economy, the election. Like I can't, it doesn't help. You know, I can watch the, I put boundaries on how long I watch the news each day and and those kind of things.

So sounds like you are staying very much in the present. And when you stay in the present, you're, realize that all is well. I am blessed. My life is good. It's when we go into the future, even if it's next week not being able to go to Philly, that can cause a little bit of sadness and angst and all those things. And that is when we go into our mind, going into the future, that takes us away from where we are right now. So that's my invitation. Just keep coming back to where you are right now. Look around. Where am I? What am I experiencing? What am I feeling? What is, What am I in contact with?

What am I sensing? How is my body feeling? Just be here, be present to whatever it is that is here. And I think probably my overwhelming emotion is anger. So it's like what I'm, that's my, um, anagram or whatever too is like my emotional response is anger in life.

And I feel it in my gut and all that that, you know, if you've taken the test, you know what I'm talking about. But, um, I'm angry. I know I get really angry about our political system and the way

this has been mishandled and I, you know, placed a lot of blame in different areas. Rain and I are not fans of the president. And so I feel overwhelming anger a lot. So what do you do and how do you direct that anger? We usually talk a lot of shit. We talk to each other. We have a platform that we can share how we feel. And a lot of it is just like giving back to and like trying to pay it forward and educating

people here and there. and we're so lucky to have this platform, but also just knowing what's in our control and knowing what's not in our control. So what's in our control, if we just take the president alone is doing everything we can to make sure he doesn't get reelected. And he still might. So I think it's like once we get out of the house, we'll talk about it a little bit more. You know, as of today, we know who his opposition is going to be. So how I deal with feeling powerless and angry in general is figuring out what I can control and do do anything towards and what is totally out of my control. I just think a lot of people, the feeling of being powerless and then freaking out about stuff that they literally can't do anything about makes people a little crazy. Right.

And there's still that energy that's in your gut, that anger feeling, that's still living in your stomach or your gut. And there's the ways that, and we can talk about this some other time, but I love anger work. No, we should talk. I think a lot of people are feeling really angry and out of control. And I think that, you know, the thing that isn't actually in my control is to direct people to charities, direct people to things that they can help, ask people for donations. And even if you've given $5, you have done something to help someone. And I think probably the overwhelming feeling is despair and sort of anger.

I mean, I'm angry every day. I think that that's probably my predominant feeling. I know that this will end. I know someday we'll come out of it. And so I do remind myself that this is a drop in the bucket of life. If I have to be at home for, you know, people in Wuhan, we're home for 76 days. If I have to be home for 76 days,

that is such a short time span in my life. And I keep reminding my parents that, especially my father, who goes to the gym every day, who goes to work every day. Not anymore. But it kills me that he would do anything because he's bored. And so I keep reminding him, you've lived 73 years on this earth. You could do 90 days at home. It's fine. You know, there's that meme that says, like, you know,

other generations were called upon to go to Vietnam. You've been called upon to sit on the couch. And I think that it's important to just remember that. So I think that, yes, I'm just like, my predominant feeling is so much anger about how this has been handled and helplessness to what I'm able to contribute back. So you're screaming at CNN, like a crazy person, is not helping me. It's not helping. And one of your listeners were talking about feeling lethargic and without energy. And a lot of times that is anger that has not been expressed.

I call it collapsed. When feelings are not expressed, they go into the body and they stay there. Right. And if we don't move the emotions out of our bodies, it can end up in some sort of a disease. I mean, the word itself, I'm not at ease. My body's not at ease. And a lot of times it is because of unexpressed emotions.

So they get stuck in there and fester. So anger is one of those, right? And anger is one of those emotions that a lot of people are afraid of because we're taught that you shouldn't be angry and angry is bad and it's violent and it's this, that's the other. Or some people even say it's a secondary emotion. I think anger is anger. When I'm angry, I am feeling angry.

And I have learned to express my anger in a healthy way and not give my anger to somebody else. It's when we give our anger or force it upon somebody else that there's violence and there's there is disruption and it's unhealthy. But anger is an energy that can be very useful, like you're using your anger to look and see what charities I can do, what can I control? There's all healthy things. But if we still feel it in our body,

we can do things like movement. Moving our bodies are really important. And if I was to just work with you for a second and ask, like when you feel your anger in your gut, if you were to just stay with that feeling intense with it and see if it moved elsewhere, would it stay in your gut? Yeah.

So, and I've worked with Kelly on a lot of this too. Okay, cool. So I have in the past, and I still work on it to this day, is like the quickness which I react when I feel anger. So whether it's to send the text, to pick up the phone to do these things, like is my flaw.

Like, I have to not react when I'm feeling those feelings. And they will pass. Like I don't hold on to it forever and ever. In my like lowest of moments when there was like anger mixed with sadness based on like breakups and things like that. Yoga was like my number one thing. Kelly always has known this about me that I'm that working out and exercises how I move

my emotions through my body. So yeah. But for me it is. It's I have to sit. I have to take a breath. I have to take a walk around the block. Like it's my biggest flaw is react. acting when I am like blinded by rage.

So, and, you know, people that are close to me have felt the effects of that. And I hate that. So it's something I'm constantly working on. But it will pass. It'll move through me quicker than maybe some other people, which I feel happy about. And if it's not moving with deep breaths and whatnot, it's, I'll get it out in a fitness scenario. Yeah, fitness is great. Even like one of those. boxing. You know what I'm talking about. It's great.

Yeah. Yeah. I have a bat in my office that I let people use and beat on the sofa. Really? I love that. I'm going to Amazon a bat to my house. And also I just want to clarify just to back up.

I think about these things and how they come across. It's not just anger towards the president. I have anger there. I've angry at China. I have angered at the governor of Georgia, who's just a complete moron. And I think we all have anger towards people that aren't taking this seriously.

And I think we see in our Facebook group and online and everything that people are so furious at the people that aren't taking this seriously and that are still out partying and things like that. And I think we are all, most of us are feeling a collective rage

towards those people. And so I wanted to clarify that we're not just like, Donald Trump created this promo. You know, like we, there's a lot of other anger in places. And a lot of it is, falling on where we are now, what we can do now, and it is to stay home and not to socialize

and people aren't taking it seriously. And I think we, we, we, we're getting mad. Yeah. And you can look at your anger too. Like any, any emotions, like I said earlier, is a signpost. So what you're talking about is, you know, you're feeling angry with people not taking it seriously. You're talking about a government, how they're governing right now. You're talking about like all those things. And look if you follow the thread to what is anger teaching you about your values and what you care about, that tells you something about yourself. You care for justice. You care for, you know, solidarity. You want everybody to be on the same page. You know, you want people take this seriously. You know, whatever it is that it that rings true for you, if you follow your emotion all

the way to what you care about. It's a sign that I'm inflamed right now because the things that I value are People not being stupid is what it boils down to. Yeah. And I also try to let go of the things that I can't handle. I think when this started happening, I was probably, I would actually, I actually called me I was a very doomsday or kind of person at the beginning of this. I really, five weeks ago, stocked up. I was terrified of all, well, I guess at this point, it's like six, seven weeks ago.

You were in the right. You saw it coming more than a lot of people, I think. Yeah. This isn't like I'm right conversation even though I was. But in the beginning, you know, my parents. both of them who were elderly. My dad was going to the gym every day. My mom and my stepdad were going. My mom's bitching me about the baseball game she can't go to. And she kept saying I was being ridiculous. And she was with some friends that were all drunk and like mocking me on the phone about how seriously I was taking

this. And it, I finally said to her, if you're going to do this, I can't talk to you. I feel my blood, my blood pressure is boiling, just thinking about it because now my parents are so scared. And it's like, I told you to be scared about this a long time ago. And it was, so infuriating to me that like they wouldn't take this seriously. And so I also have to learn to accept the things that I cannot control, I guess. And I said to my mom finally, you know, I've told you my piece, if you're going to choose to do these things, which she's doing the right thing now. But if you're going to do these things, I can't hear about them. So don't talk to me with a baseball game that you want to go to or the concert. You're a million years old and you need to stay home. And I can't

hear about this if you don't. You can't hear about this. Way to set boundaries. Good for you. My mom's a therapist, yeah. That could be, this isn't like a cut people out of your life type of thing, but do you feel like from a therapist that that's the right kind of language you would advise is like, I love you, but this is too triggering to me and I can't hear about it. I mean, I feel like a lot of people need to do that. The only word I would change in that sentence is instead of but I would add and. I love you and I can't listen to this.

That's a good point. because when we say whatever comes after but, you know, it kind of erases what we just said. So I don't really love you. I'm really mad at you right now. So I would just say I would use the word and instead. Yeah. And that goes for the news too.

I think like I need to separate from that sometimes too. I'm fucking angry. And I can't spend all day in a shame spiral of CNN just watching it at nauseam. I got to get out of there, you know? You're going to switch over to Fox News and just kill yourself. I'm kidding. I'll cut that. I got to look at Chris Cuomo and be like, I love you, but I have to separate.

I love you and I have to separate from here. And I have to them. There you go. Very good. And the other word I would change for you is can't. When you say can't, it's like you don't have control. Instead of I can't watch the news all day, you say I won't watch the news all day because then you make a decision and a choice.

Yeah. I'm choosing not to. Instead of the news. I'm choosing to watch Chris Cuomo on mute and masturbate instead of hearing. I'm just kidding. I would never turn off Chris. Let's be honest. We can't put, you can't mute Chris. Well, we want to just maybe wrap it up with people that are doing so great. No, I'm just kidding. But yeah, we just, we had people that said they feel better. And I read an article about that. It was on the Daily Beast and it was about people that have anxiety and depression.

Actually, this being healthy for them. And then again, a few of our listeners, one of the quotes was, I'm surprisingly okay, which is concerning. Someone said oddly relaxed. And this one said, amazing. I get to sit at home all day with my dogs and not deal with people's bullshit. So I think people, if you feel great, then great, we're happy for you. But I think the quote unquote problem here is people feel guilt for feeling good. Yeah. You know, a lot of people who deal with anxiety and panic attacks under normal circumstances,

they're familiar with the feeling. They're saying to the rest of the world, oh, welcome to my life. This is how I feel all the time. Like, this is familiar. This is not new. So they might be dealing with it just differently, not necessarily better or worse.

It's just differently because it's more familiar. And guilt is one of those feelings that doesn't really do anything productive for you. So if you weren't feeling guilty, what might you be feeling instead? So look for that and see if you can reduce the level of guilt that you feel. And what's in it for me feeling guilty? Like, why do I get out of feeling guilty?

Well, and there's, if you're one of these people that you feel great and stable and healthy, I mean, I skew towards that. Like, place that energy that you've been given somewhere else. I mean, there's these really amazing programs where you talk to elderly people. I don't know. Yes. Rain and Grace posted about it. I think she did it.

It's like you have like a pat of. buddy. And so if you are upbeat and you have time and you're feeling great, like look at how you can pass that on, I guess. And maybe this isn't your peer. Maybe this isn't somebody that's in the depths of despair that you want to be like, I'm great. But maybe it is the elderly buddy and the things that you can do to cheer someone else up, you know. How can I use that as a gift, not as a burden? I think that's a great place to end unless, I don't have anything else. I don't of Raina does, or if you have any closing remarks, you have the floor. Well, maybe I could just let your audience know if they do want.

I have three support groups that I'm offering via Zoom. If anybody's interesting to jump on. And it's for the purpose to have like a connection with like-minded people right now that are still wanting to work and develop their own personal growth and development and get some tools and techniques in my little growth. sessions that I do. I have one on Tuesday nights, one on Wednesday mornings, and one on Thursday afternoons. It's on my website. If they can, if they want. And tell people what the website is and all that so they can find out. Sure. My website is Adelaarafa.com. A-D-E-L-A-F-F-A-com. And

I have, those are the three group sessions. And it's just pop in when you feel like it. You can come every week. I have them every week three times a week. And that's a new, new way for people to connect. And I also have 30-minute mini-sessions when they just want, hey, I can't deal with this anxiety right now. 30 minutes of let's focus on that one thing, not the whole life therapy here, but just like a quick mini session that can also be found on my website. If anybody's interested in that, just want to throw that out there. No, we love that. We were going to ask you to plug all your stuff anyway. So just whatever, people, Cali, can access you, I'm sure our listeners are going to appreciate that.

I would welcome your listeners into my little sphere down here in Atlanta. Oh, well, this was really wonderful. And I've usually we focused solely on relationships and dating, but I think that the relationship you have with yourself is still a relationship. So I'm really glad that we get this. Okay, well, so is that it for you in terms of where to find you, where to join your? They can find me on Facebook. I have. I have a Facebook group too. Awareness with Adela is a group. You can please join me.

I give tips and tools and just little things here and there. What else? And then you're on Instagram too, right? Instagram. I'm on Instagram. I'm in LinkedIn. So, fine, look for me. I don't think there's too many Adela's out there.

Okay. Well, stick around. We have another little fun segment for you to round this episode out. We're going to say goodbye to Adela. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. I love being here with you today. Thank you.

Bye. Bye. All right. We're back with another really fun segment. We're so excited about. And the theme of self-care and therapy and learning how to feel better, we're going to talk to you guys about what each of you are doing for self-care right now. We put it on our Instagram story.

You guys really came through with some creative ideas. Yeah. So this is quarantine self-care. I say this every week, but they just keep getting better that this is my favorite. This was a situation in which you guys answered the Instagram slide

and again, thousands of responses and I did not see a, I didn't see a bad one. Everyone was funny. If they weren't funny, they were all funny. They were just unique and funny and hilarious. You guys cracked me up every single day. Okay, so I knew we would get some, like, themes. And so, like, I only wrote down

like the super original. Obviously we got a lot of like, I don't wash my hair. I don't wear pants. I drink in the middle of the day. There was a couple of things I saw as a theme. I could not have three things. I was like, I can't believe this is happening. Multiple people picked up cross-stitching.

Tons of cross-stitching. Tons of people are making sourdough, their own sourdough starter. And second week in a row, banana bread coming in strong. Okay. I saw, obviously, so rain and I do these in case you want a little BTS behind the scenes. There's so many that basically I started the time. top arena starts at the bottom. And we just kind of try to meet in the middle. But yeah, so sometimes we've seen some of the same ones and sometimes we haven't. So I saw the cross-stitching crocheting to

paint by number. Tons can paint by numbers and puzzles, obviously. And then this one came up a few times and I'm just going to read a message. I got to actually post this on my Instagram story. A girl message me because I've been talking about my bush and I mean, it's out of control at this point. It's just, it's so much. But she DM me and so she said, Ashley, regarding the quarantine bush, I have been sugaring for five years and literally don't know what to do with it. Same girl, I've been sugaring for longer than that. She said, but I ended up watching a bunch of YouTube videos on how to make your own sugar paste, super easy, microwave recipe is the best. Then I watched videos on technique and practiced on my legs.

Then I grew some huge balls and attempted my own vagina. And I did it. So rewarding, lots of breathing. This bitch sugared herself. I am, she's the MVP of the quarantine. She's a legend. I am so jealous. I don't think I like, why?

I just want to do it. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can inflict that type of pain on my pussy. I don't know if I could do it. It's also, it's such a weird angle. Like also, I mean, yeah, I have long limbs. I have long arms, but I have a long torso. Like it's, it's how did she, I'm so impressed.

Maybe she's short like me. I'm so close to my vagina. I could almost lick it. Like, that's true. Maybe she's short like me. You could never get in there, but I could. So I saw a couple of those. Girls are doing ad-home waxes and I saw one that really stuck out to me.

A girl says she's been shaving her husband's pupils. Nope. No, thank you. I've loved a lot of people. I've done some weird stuff. I've put some weird things in some weird holes. I'm not shaving your pubs. I'm sorry.

If I shave your pubs, my initials are going in it. We did get some girl. There are some weird like body stuff going on. People that are like, I haven't shaved anything. I'm just this girl said I'm jazzling now. It's the time to try it out. I don't shave my legs, let it fly. Okay, well, the first one I wrote down is a funny, like, body thing.

So for self-care, sunning my butthole slash using acne scar cream to bleach my asshole. Sunning it, too, like, light out in the sun? Sure said an episode of girls. Yes, you're supposed to get a sun in your vagina. Shailene Woodley has a glow because she's sunning her pussy. Lena Dunham, like, sits there and opens her vagina up. Anyway, sunning my butthole. How private is your deck?

That's what I want to know. That's the question. Okay, first one for me out of the gate, Jenny Jones, obviously. She says recycling nudes while sexting, but really just eating spaghetti with a face mask on. So respect. We saw a lot of like, I meaning spaghetti in the bathtub. Respect for all of it. People have installed holders for their alcohol in the bathtub, for their blunts, all kinds of stuff.

Jenny Jones, I love her so much. Okay. This girl wrote this and I wrote her back. I need more details, so I'm waiting. She just wrote, having my roommate body slam me. I think like they're doing like WWE in the home. Like bum fights in their living room. How is this self-care?

I don't know, but I asked her, I said I need more information. We'll do it where are they now. I love this one. Talking to multiple men, then ghosting them. Karma is a bitch. Like, that's her activity for the quarantine. Wait, I think she's friends with this. boys to taste their own medicine and I'm leading 12 guys on right now. Yes. What better do you have to do?

Get out there. Be a man. While we're here, I saw another one making lists of reasons not to text certain men. I love this because what better time to start making lists. We have all this time in our hands. Make these lists now. And so you have them on hand in your Google Drive to pull up next time you want to text, Tyler. And you're like, oh, pull the list up. Okay. I have to make a confession to you. I wasn't going to tell you during the episode, but here we are. The guy that I was talking about, like a few minutes ago in the episode that I was done talking to, he called me last night. We were on the phone for three hours.

Listen, I just have to tell you, it's just apt to be honest. Listen, I'm an addict, okay? I love him. Okay. No comment. This made me laugh so hard. Watched three street hours of Grey's Anatomy and now I can skip med school altogether. She's a doctor now.

She's a doctor now. Okay. Aside from wine and masturbation, sometimes I brush my hair. It's a sometimes thing. You don't have to be out here brushing your hair all the time. Yeah. Okay. This is sort of a compilation because so many people have done this. Lie to my kids and my boyfriend that I'm folding laundry and ask not to be disturbed when really I'm listening to a podcast. I fake Zoom meetings to get out to get a break for my boyfriend slash lock my son out of the room for 30 minutes. Slash, I say I'm going to the store, but I sit my car and eat chocolate to be away from my son and my boyfriend. all y'all are lying to your whole family to get away from them.

Whatever you have to do. Guys, times are tough. I liked the girl that just wrote driving around and crying. Driving and crying. I cried on the street this week. Twice. It's very therapeutic. Just let it fly.

At home boudoir photo shoot. I saw that one. I love it. Because I just think it's actually like a cool idea of something to do. Yeah. This is my personal favorite. Okay. She said on my private story, I talk to my friend.

friends, like they're my fans pretending to be an influencer. I love people to do this so much. Hi, guys. She's like 20 friends, a follower. She's in her close friends. And she's like, hey, guys, a lot of you have been asking about my skincare routine. So I'm going to go through it step by step. And at the end, she does like a TikTok.

Since we mentioned skincare, I love the way she worded this. Really focusing on my skin care. And if my skin isn't popping after this, I'll scream. I feel like sometimes I hear you saying these things. I'm like, you wrote this. starting to imagine what it would be like to fuck the brawny guy on the paper towel rolls. Okay.

Same. Okay. I was taking a walk the other day down the street and there was this guy in front of me that was like pretty tall and wearing sweatpants. I saw him walk into the door of his house. And my first thought was how weird would it be if I asked to just come up and fuck him?

I am so horny. I don't know. I was talking about guy for three hours. He doesn't like, he doesn't like, he doesn't phone sex with me. Okay. This girl I'm proud of. drinking water for the first time in my entire life.

Girl, what are you drinking? How has she been alive? Stay hydrated. This is a great time to get hydrated if you've never started. You've never been hydrated before. No time like the pandemic. It's trying to just get wet in life. This girl wrote,

this cycle, get drunk, sex to next, masturbate, ignore all of his texts in the daylight. I love it. I like how savage girls are getting in April, 20 Q3, Q2. This girl is super healthy. She's taking edibles instead of smoking weed. Gotta keep them long strong. Guys, seriously. Never been a better time to keep them lungs strong. Yes. Edible. This girl and her boyfriend plan happy hour drinks every single day for 7.30 in the morning. Oh. Look your truth. Wake up happy hour. I like the times though. This one eating brownies for breakfast and happy hour starts every day at three. I respect it. I saw a juice. I saw a few. I saw a few. brownies. Brownies for breakfast. Like weed brownies or regular

brownies. Go to bed. Brownies. Like there's no time stamps on anything. This girl's like I play this drinking game every time my boss calls me, I have a drink.

It's like, why not? We should all be doing everything we can to just be comfortable. Yeah. Guys, you might not get another chance. You don't want to look back on the pandemic and have regrets.

Got to take all those weed brownie breaks that you can. I'm just saying like I'm not, I am like making a joke, but this is the time to do this like crazy, lazy, whatever shit. Like you don't want to be, you know, 10 years down the road and we haven't had another pandemic and you're like, I really wish I would have done this.

Should he use that during Corona? I also think this is a very cool thing to do. I could really get into this. Made PowerPoint presentations on controversial topics. And she wrote in parentheses OJ. Oh, she's like, I love this. I actually think it's like something really interesting to do. I feel like I could get really high and do this.

Yeah. Learn about murderers. Speaking of that, some of you girls in the Facebook group have been trying to write letters and date prisoners. So live your truth, but one girl wrote the funniest thing.

She saw like this really hot guy and he seemed normal. He was like, I'm getting my master's and I've been in here for a while and she Googled him. This is not funny. Do not think I'm making fun of this, but she Googled him.

Also, no, before, before you say what he did, he said, I'm a fan of reading Bolte. He's setting all these like French writers and poets. Yeah. And he's like, I wanted to use this time to really better myself. I'm getting my master's in prison. And she did a quick Google.

Murdered his whole family. And she wrote in the Facebook group, That took a turn. I can't. What a laugh. This dude murdered his parents and both of his siblings when he was 15 years old. I mean, this is also like, Rina, I'm disappointed. You haven't heard of him.

I know. I don't know why there isn't a 15 part. documentary series on Netflix about this. And it was because of family inheritance. Did you see that? That's why he murdered them? It said that on the Google thing. That's usually why.

That's why. What are the brothers names? Dom, no. Menendez. Menendez. Also, guys, that is a really nice thing to do to write letters to people in prison. I hope that you're not searching for boyfriends. You know, no shade.

But I don't know if that's, you know, maybe that's not where you want to start for a stable relationship as a guy that's, prison for murder or whatever, but like it is nice to, if you want to do that, to write letters. Yeah, but before you decide to start Googling, I'm sorry, before you start to date one of them, you might want to Google what their crime was. That's all, just to make sure they didn't murder her whole family. That took a turn. I love you, girls.

You're so funny. It's so casual. I love he said I read Voltaire murdered his whole family. I'm sorry to keep laughing about this. I hate myself. All right. Let's take another turn. This girl wrote, crying in the fetal position,

whitening my teeth excessively, and buying matching loungeware. I love this. That sounds like every white girl in America. Same. You can look cute and have white teeth while crying in the fetal position. You're living your best life. When I cried outside this bakery the other day, I guaranteed you I did not look cute.

And the owners were like, can you please stop? Everybody's already sad enough. Can you please get her out of here? You know? And you're like, I have nobody to get me out of here. No, it's fine. I would do this. This is my favorite things.

Made an entire Thanksgiving dinner, including a 10-pound turkey for two people. I love that. Why not? Like, that's such a meal that you love and look forward to. Why not cook a fucking Thanksgiving dinner? And it's, I mean, you guys know, it's my, it's beige, hot mush. Everything. Everything on that table.

Hashtag all the beige carbs, Raina Greenberg. This one is a vibe. I put on a bikini, turn on the fireplace, get high, and lounge on the couch like I'm bougie. I love this. A bikini on the couch. I love her in front of a fireplace and she's high. Nothing matters anymore. It's no rules. I hope that this was at noon on a Tuesday. This girl wrote a rap, Usher and Bath and Vodka. I want to get drunk in this tub. I saw that one. I love her. Also, you guys, I posted some Instagram story and I said this video just got me pregnant. Go to Usher's page. And he sings.

climax, which is a song of his. I guess there was a climax challenge, but I mean, that's his song. He just is like casually laying down and belts out the chorus and I was soaking wet. He's my original. That was my original crash. I mean, until I met him and he was like five, five. But like I've always been, I've always loved usher. I've had every side of a school project on him in college. Like I've always been obsessed with him. Had every one of his albums had like the Aetown hat. Like I was obsessed. But he's the goat with that voice. He's five foot five. I'm exaggerating. He's, I'm so tall. He's probably like five, seven. It's so unfair. Like all celebrities are so little.

I washed my shower curtain. I don't know why. I don't know if it's necessary. It just felt so right. I'm thinking about washing my shower curtain because I have some, it's white and I have a little makeup on it. Like just from doing my makeup near it. Yeah. I, I'm a, I'm a team clear shower curtain. I like, I just feel like it's sexy. I like the clear shower curtain. It's just basically a liner. I don't, I just have it. So I just order. like a new one when it gets dirty. It's like $3 on Amazon. Oh, you don't have the outside one. No, I don't like the two. I don't understand it. I don't understand. I don't understand

it. Why do you have a liner and another curtain? I don't like a curtain. I just like a clear, sexy shower liner curtain. Listen, I can be sexy after I get out of the shower, but it's a whole vibe. I need a Luke to my whole bathroom. It's beautiful, white shower curtain, black tassels.

It's pretty. It goes to my whole vibe. See, I can't get down with like a fucking shower curtain with goddamn tassels on it. Tassels. People have like a goddamn embroidered curtains. It's in the bathroom. I want to look out my clear shower curtain. It's $3.99 on Amazon.

I care more about set design than you do, okay? Tassels. Settling a mood. Do you have a toilet cover too? No, you've been here like you don't live here half the time. My place is beautiful. This is my whole apartment. It's beautiful.

The tassels are beautiful. It's, um, it's, it's, it's, it's, It's polarizing. It's one of those like, do you wear underwear with workout pants things? Like people like the shower curtain that's with shit on it. It's all pretty with the liner or people just roll like me. I've talked to a couple people that do the same thing as me. Just one clear thing. I've never heard of somebody like you. This is the first time I didn't even realize you were like this. Now I'm reevaluating our friendship. I have no idea that you did this. First of all, I'd rather adore. Who wants a fucking curtain? But I mean, to install a shower door is like next level hard and expensive. But I think it's sexy clear. You can look out. It's not like a clear. It's not sexy, clear.

It's like wrinkled and kind of dirty. Mine's not. Mine looks but great. I keep it fresh. I keep mine fresh so I don't shower that often. Why do we go on this road? Okay. Okay.

This one wasn't a really, this one didn't really qualify self-care to me, but she just said this thing and it's so hysterical, which I guess running could be the self-care here, but she said having my mom pick me up on my run because I was chafing too hard. Can you imagine? Mom, can you come get me?

my thighs hurt. Mom, I've been exercising for too long. Can you come get me? I can absolutely understand it. Mom, can you come get me? She's like, my thighs. I'm chafing. Your mom would.

Mine wouldn't. All those brownies for breakfast have went right to my inner thighs. I've been drunk since 7 a.m. Mom. Here's my last one. I think it's a cute family activity. Her self-care is she has been screaming at 7 p.m. Every day, my whole family has joined in.

Whole family goes outside, 7 p.m. It reminded me of you and your family. Where'd she get that idea? Heseltine Thanksgiving 2019. I love that you chose that one. I'll pick one that I also feel like a super unbrand. Love this art project. She is stalking all of her boyfriend's exes and making a picture collage to confirm she's the hottest. Well, now I know what I'm doing for the rest of the day. You don't have a boyfriend. I had to read it a couple times. I'm going to flip it then. I'm going to flip it then. I'm going to do all of my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. New girlfriends, yeah.

So I think there's two ways to do this. I read a couple times to confirm. So yes, all the guys you've dated who they're with now. So you can confirm you're the hottest of all of them or your current boyfriend, all his exes. I'm going to do it for all of them. It's a two-part project. I'm going to go back from everybody that I've ever dated. I'm going to do picture collages.

And then, yeah, that's what I'm doing. The only one person I've seriously dated that his new girlfriend is so much hotter than me. But she's like Latin. I can't compete with that. Perfect skin, perfect hair. She's just gorgeous. I can't compete. I can't compete with that sex.

Yeah, white girls only. We got to be in the same plain field. If you're exotic, you have dark, beautiful skin. You're happy. Hawaiian. Get out of here. If you are, I just, yeah, I can only compete against white people because we're the ugliest.

We're the bottom. That was fun. You guys are incredible. extra bonus one. I bought a pillow for the bathtub. Live your truth. People have refitted their bathtubs in crazy ways. Refit it.

They're building holders for everything. A lot of baths. I just, I love a tassels. I just want to say, like, I think that as we enter, like, a crazy new world of, like, being in our fifth week of this happening,

like, I think people should lean into whatever makes them happy and feel good, whether that is crying or running or stalking your ex's new girlfriends, do all those things. I don't think now is the time to like skimp on the pasta or like not watch that show you want to watch. You know, just like let it fly. Yeah.

And just I mean, do do a check here and there. We said it during the episode. If you feel like you're drinking too much, that could be giving you anxiety. Cut back. Go do an online workout or not. Like keep tabs in your mental state too because there is a hole that you could potentially go too far deep down. So I think it's like, live your truth, do whatever the fuck you want and then check in mentally too and be like, do I need to pull it back? because I've ate spaghetti in the bathtub while looking at my ex's new girlfriend every night this week.

So maybe you take a night off and watch an online church sermon. I'm kidding. I would never stoop that low. I'm going to tell you how far my drinking has gone. I fully drank an entire bottle of wine two nights in a row. I felt great the next morning. Both days. Great.

Sharp, present. That's how I took it too far. I showed up to my family's Passover Zoom Seder. blackout drunk at 8 p.m. That's how I know that I've taken it too far. I knew you were drunk because you accidentally called me. I was like, I had a miss call from you. I'm like, she's wasted.

That's a drunk dial. I have drank more frequently than ever in my life before. And no more than really two glasses of wine a night, but like I usually don't drink every night. I don't, I mean, I go out and I'm socially drink, but I'm having wine every night because my parents have wine every night, you know. But then I'll just take a night off or two. and clear it out.

Like, I don't think you should just constantly be saturated. So I'm probably at this point having wine five nights a week. That really wasn't. I didn't drink that much before. No, this is not even buzzing drunk at all. It's just frequency. You drink a lot less than I do. I mean, you know, it takes two drinks to get me drunk.

But, yeah, we're different. One night I went to my family's pass a restator and then the night before I was on the phone with this dude. So, you know, I drank another bottle. I can't bring it up enough, you guys. I haven't even heard all the details. I haven't heard him after this. Last time, Raina, one time Raina told me about this guy.

I said something so mean. And she, like, she stopped responding. And I was like, I went too far, didn't I? I was like, I don't really appreciate the way you're talking about this guy who I dated for six weeks. Listen, best friend and business partner and person I'm the closest with in the world. Do not insult this guy dated for six weeks. He's been inside of me 12 to 15 times.

I'm mad. something shitty about him. I said mean. It was mean. I went to a dark place. I said really mean things about him. I hate him. Okay, guys, anyway.

You know, it's one of those things where I can insult my mom and you can't insult my mom. It is. It is like that. I'm sure you guys can relate. All right. We got to wrap this up. We hope you guys enjoyed the episode. Thank you for your submissions.

Thank you for checking in with Raina. Thank you for helping me with my charitable efforts, all the things. We really are, you guys are like our backbone during this time like you always are, but more than ever, we appreciate you. So want to throw anything in? No, I'd be something. Well, fine. I'll say something. No, I've been thinking about our audience a lot.

I just, I love them. And I think that, you know, as much as they email us about how much the show means to them, it means equally as much to us. And we're going to continue to do more charitable stuff. And we just love to be a part of this community. And you will be with us every single Monday through this whole thing. We will never stop making content. We really appreciate all of your messages and emails. We love you guys.

Yes, we love you guys. Girls Gotta eatpodcast.com for shows and merch. Merch updates coming soon. San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver show updates coming soon as well. YouTube.com slash girls got to eat. Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram. Rina.org and Ash Hess on Instagram. And join us this Saturday on Instagram live on the Girls Got to Eat podcast Instagram

at 8 p.m. Eastern Time. We'll see you there. You killed it. We love you guys. Have a go week. Bye.