Girls Gotta Eat - The Future of Sex feat. Cosmopolitan Editor-in-Chief Jessica Pels

Episode Date: April 5, 2021

The pandemic completely changed our day-to-day lives, but what about our sex lives? We're discussing how the last year affected couples and singles, and what the fuck the future of sex, dating, and relationships will look like. Our guest is Cosmopolitan editor-in-chief Jessica Pels, and we're unpacking data gathered by an incredible study by the Kinsey Institute in partnership with Cosmo and Esquire (spoiler alert: pleasure is the priority). We're also sharing our listeners' sex/dating outlooks, chatting about bikini waxes vs. sugaring, and our TV recs take a turn. Hope you enjoy! Check out the April issue of Cosmopolitan and follow Jessica on Instagram @JessicaPels. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for show dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners this week: Truff: Get 15% off sitewide + free shipping with code GGE at truff.com. Uqora: Get proactive about urinary tract health and 20% off at uqora.com/gge. Calm: For a limited time, get 40% off a Calm premium subscription at calm.com/gge. Rory: Go to hellorory.com/gge to try out nightly defense for just $5. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It really seems like post-COVID, people are sort of trading up from the idea of getting some to getting something really good. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back. I don't know what I had to say. I had nothing planned. It's April. This is a comedy podcast about dating, sex, and relationships. Welcome if you're new here. And even if you're hate listening. We're happy to have you. It's going to rain today. Is it? Yeah, it was supposed to. That's why you wanted to go to the winter. hotel to have to have drinks there tonight. We did get in a little tiff this week because we were trying to decide where to go to get drinks and I said, can we please go to the Ludlow hotel? I love it there. We haven't been there since before the pandemic. And you were like, I don't want to go there.

Stop trying to make the Ludlow happen. It's a winter bar. It was supposed to rain today. It's mahogany wood and leather. I love a fireplace. I'll sit there in front of the fireplace in the summer. Clear of it. And just feel cozy. So what I do this morning, I marched my ass over there to make sure we couldn't go there. And it's not open. So, and then our friend that we were supposed to get together with canceled anyway, so we have no plans. I love when someone cancels on May. We'll just do a couple announcements. Okay, one month from today, it's April 5th, one month from today will be May 5th. No, still, let me finish. Still, one month, right is over here flagging me down. One month from today, if you're listening, Lideas comes out, will be May 5th. And that will be our Tampa show.

Sorry, that stage. But before that, we will be in Miami. So our shows in Florida are May 2nd, May 5th, and May 6, Miami, Tampa, Orlando. I cannot believe one month away. We will be celebrating Cinco de Mayo at Tampa Improv. I cannot wait. Get those tickets. The Tampa One is going to be. We have one of the most special guests.

He's not going to be on stage with us. Maybe it's up on stage. Oh, my God. No, Orlando. He's coming to Orlando. Yeah, he's going to Orlando. Listen, come to Orlando because one of the All-Stars. He's an icon.

He created one of our greatest segments we've ever done it a lot. Don't give it away. I'm not giving it away. It's my favorite thing that I do. So he is our, I mean, he is like one of our favorite, favorite Florida fans. He is an icon. We'll tell you the story at the show and then we'll tell you the story at all the shows, but he'll be there at the Orlando show.

So get those tickets to Girls Gottyup Podcast.com. We cannot wait to see you guys in Florida. Also on Girls Gotty Podcast.com. We have merged. We have a catalog of every single episode that we've ever done and every guest we've ever done. We have an amazing arsenal of stuff for you guys. Use it.

Yeah. We love that you're there. Okay. I just have to tell you like a really quick funny thing that happened to me this morning. Okay. I just want to like give out a shout out to our listeners for how like smart they are because I feel like they just like really know us and this like it's going to make you laugh so much. Okay.

So I was talking to this guy this morning who I've been talking to and we're texting. I made a joke like I can't believe I even like you and he said speaking of liking me. And I was like, oh God, what happened? And he sent me this screenshot from one of our listeners. She slid into his DMs. I already have anxiety. No, it's so cute. She slid in his DMs and she was like this podcast host, Rana that I

been listening to, is only dating divorce guys, so I think you need to shoot your shot. No. Yes. Why am I emotional? And he said, so will you go out with me? I mean, I'm already going out with him. That is so crazy. Like, you are already talking to this guy. And one of our listeners, like, told him to shoot a shot. He's like, I got you. He's like way ahead of you. I'm fucking her tomorrow. Oh, my God. That is so amazing. It's so amazing. I just, oh my God,

I have a story for this. What? Tell me. I just was reminded to this. I'm not trying to hijack your story. That's the whole story. I love our listeners. I think they know us really well.

I think she knew that I would like this guy. Not just because he's divorced, what she is. But she was like, Rhea's dating divorced guys. This is a cute divorce guy. I'll tell him to shoot. Okay.

This is a story about my ex. And we had been dating maybe like a month, six weeks, whatever. I think that we had just gone Instagram official, like social media official. Everybody knew we were dating. And he gets this text from a girlfriend, like a casual friend. And it was screenshots of a conversation that they had had like, I don't even six months a year prior, like a while back. And so she texts him and she's like,

hello, I see you're dating Ashley. And then she attaches screenshots of the conversation that they had in which she said, I think you need to meet this comedian named Ashley Heseltine. I think you guys would be good together. And I think he was just like, I don't know who that. it is, whatever. I think any girl would like look that person up, but whatever, guys are different. But I just loved that that girl message because with like an I was right, hello,

like that would be me 100%. What are the fucking arms? I know. Also, now I have to follow up and ask him what he said to that girl. What? He cut off the screenshot after that. Oh! It's a full page. He didn't like purposely cut it off. Did he respond to her? I don't know. I didn't look at the response. I feel like

he probably told her like I am. Honestly, I don't care. And now she doesn't. is your business. I don't care. She'll, I mean, she listens to this show. She'll know it anyway. It's what I'm talking about it. Yeah. Okay. So I have a question to ask you. Okay. It does kind of have to go in with this. I've been dying to ask you this for the last 24 hours. I almost texted to you and I stopped myself because I was like I have to ask this on the podcast because I feel like it's something that our listeners do need to know. So you are going to see somebody. You're going to visit somebody that you have been talking to. And obviously I knew that. Obviously, we've been talking about it for a while now.

I don't tell Ashley that much, but when I do. And you just casually slipped into conversation. yesterday that you have a bikini wax. Believe I'm getting put on plaster with it. I'm sorry. Anyone who knows both of our vaginas knows that you've never had one. You've never had one. You can't grow a bush. The few stray hairs you have down there, you shave.

What is going on? And then today they called you to confirm your appointment or you were trying to move your appointment. And I'm just sitting here like holding back. I was dying to know why you had nothing to say about it. Because I was waiting because I want to inform the GGEFam at the same time that I'm learning this information. What is going on? So glad you asked.

Because I honestly was like, why isn't she asking? Kable, she doesn't think this is a big deal. I just don't want to deal. I told you guys, I just want to have like a lot of sex. And honestly, I don't want to deal with any stubble while that's happening. I've had a bikini wax once in my life. Okay. It was also when I was going on a trip to meet a guy.

We stayed at a hotel in Columbus and didn't leave the hotel for the whole weekend. We just fucked a lot. Honestly, I don't want to deal with the irritation. So you are getting sugared, though. So I'm getting sugared. So what, okay, here's how it started. I am going to a warm climate. I'm pretty pale.

I was going to go get a spray tan. And the place that I get spray tans is sugar and bronze. And I was like, all I'm there. Why don't I just like wax my badge? So that's how this all started. And so you should, you should be good like by tomorrow to. have sex. Like, I can't have sex to me. No, it's like, I'm not going to go. No, the sugaring is better for that. But if you get a wax, and it's, especially if it's one of your first waxes or you have

sensitive skin at all, like you do have a little redness and irritation, like maybe up to 24 hours afterwards. So usually if you get a wax, you are not supposed to really exercise or have sex, at least, you know, until you've, like, slept overnight on it. I don't really have sensitive skin down there. Sugaring is obviously much better. So for me, when I get sugared, I'm fine even like, immediately after. Everybody's skin is different. But this girl message me while we're here, while we're talking about it, this girl had messaged me and she said, so many girls message me all the time.

And they say they live in Atlanta, they're going to go to Sweet Peach for the first time. I convince them to go. And it is like the best sugaring in existence. And then this girl was like, shit, like I have a dick appointment tonight. Like, should I be okay? And she was her sugaring was at like noon. You know, she's going to fuck at 8 p.m. maybe, let's say. And I was like, if your skin's like mine, you'll be fine.

But I can't speak for everybody. but sugaring generally is way less irritation, but they still need to kind of tell you to be cautious because they don't want anybody to flare up. But I probably wouldn't get a bikini wax and really plan to fuck the next night. Just if I wasn't sure what my skin's going to do, I think you're going to be fine,

but I don't know, do you have sensitive skin? Actually, I had one bikini wax, but actually the day that I got a wax, I did have sex that day. Okay. So it wasn't an issue. I waxed that morning and it was not an issue. And like I said, sugaring is, it's different than wax.

No, but you know what? I'm going to do it tonight at 8 p.m. And then I probably won't have a dick appointment until at least 10 p.m. the next time. But with the time difference, I get an extra three hours until it is actually like 10 p.m. Okay, so I'm thinking like 30 hours after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just a McDy.

Oh my gosh. Honestly, that is like so embarrassing that the whole world knows I'm getting my second wax ever for this person. Well, you just don't really need it. Like you, don't you just have like not a lot of hair down there? Yeah, I don't. And like I don't. I mean, it's just like little blonde fuzz. It's like not like a big wiry bush.

Wait, where were when we were talking about? Oh my God. When did my straight bush hair come up? Oh my God with Rob. Do you remember this? We haven't even talked about this. You're straight. This was one of the hardest.

I've laughed in so long. We were here. Rob was in town. It was the three of us. This was maybe like a month ago. And somehow it came up that my vagina hair is kind of straighter and flatter. like whiskers. Like it's just,

it's a Mr. Miyagi beard. I have really naturally long straight hair and it kind of does, it's the same down there. It's not really big and curly. Okay. It's kind of straight. Like a shaggy old beard.

Oh my God. Well, I'm happy for you. Thank you. Well, I'll let you guys know how it goes. Okay. Well, we have some fun stuff to discuss from you guys. We had some listener submissions.

We're going to get to those. But we do have a couple wrecks. You know what I was... I'm glad these were coming up. The listener wrote us this great email and she said that like she's basically in charge of selecting everything that her and her boyfriend watch now because of our Rex and he like doesn't understand where she's getting them.

Yeah. And she's like, you guys made me look so smart. And she's, I thought it was like so adorable. So I'm glad that we do these. Also, somebody tried to be like, Ashley, one of your Rex isn't new. Bitch, yeah, I know. I used to recommend stuff from the 90s. I recommended the Sopranos. It's from 1997. Like, we don't care. The bodyguard we were. recommended. Like, honestly, the fact that I even recommend new stuff is off brand for me.

This whole thing started because Ashley only talked about movies from 40 years ago on this show. Yeah, that's where it came from. Someone was like, sis, you're late on this. I'm like, bitch, you know what? I'm early for me. Honestly, I'm going to recommend the original freaks and geeks from the early 90s. You know what's coming into its last season. Have you seen this younger? Last season of younger. Yeah, but I'm dying for it because they like, it hasn't been, it's been so long. I can't wait. I can't wait. I got to see how we're out. You think she's going to up with Josh? She has not up with Josh.

Oh my God. While we're here, let's talk about it. Let's talk about younger. Because the trailer shows that Richard proposes. I just have always been Team Josh. And I think that goes without saying. I'm Team Richard. I'm Team Richard's bank account.

I'm Team Josh's dick. I am so big on chemistry on screen. And I think that, yes, her and Josh, like, have this hotter vibe in general, like, from the start, you know, he's this hot tattooed younger guy. whatever. I do genuinely feel like their on-screen chemistry is better. I also just like this idea and we talk about all the time. Like love doesn't always look how you think it's going to. So like you think you should be with like the rich older man with like the mansion in Manhattan.

And you love like the tattoo Brooklyn guy. And it's just like you can't choose who you love. You know the heart wants with the heart. Yeah. So anyway, people do ask sometimes like what team we are. I mean, I'm team whatever would make her happy. But clearly it's Josh. Of course. Just obviously Josh.

Yeah. With maybe Richard's bank now. Okay. Okay. What are your racks? Okay. I just have one. Okay.

This is not new, but it's not old. So there are two seasons of sex education on Netflix. And I don't think this is really a deep cut. I think when sex education came out, I made a huge splash. I was looking at it last night. It has really great reviews, and it really blew up when it came out. It is a British comedy drama type show, and it is about high school kids. You know, that's my brand.

Stay true to my brand. And the premise is that Jillian Anderson, I think, she's been X-Files. She's so beautiful. So she's a sex therapist and the mother to this teenage boy. And she's parenting him single. She's got men coming in and out fucking. She's a sex therapist. She does her practice in her home.

There's like dildos everywhere. And he's this teenage boy who has issues. Like this is not a spoiler. It opens with him pretending to masturbate because he cannot masturbate because he's so damaged from other things. But like his mom is just like this super, she's an embarrassment to him that she's a sex therapist. Anyway, he kind of goes on to start. He, like, kind of counsels some people in the school because he knows all this stuff about sex from his upbringing.

And then he kind of starts this sex clinic and I won't give any more away. I absolutely love it. I liked it. The first couple episodes, I liked it. You know, me. If I don't like a show within first 10 minutes, I turn it off, I'd want no part of that. I'm not a big, like, you got to wait until the seventh season. It'll really catch on.

So I liked it, but I didn't think I would love it as much as I actually am. So now I'm in this. I just started the second season. Really a lot about teens. exploring their sexuality. A lot of not straight teens and teens that are trying to figure it out and they're exploring it. And I really love that part of it. And just a lot of like really interesting sex and dating and relationship scenarios. Like I just, I like can't get enough of it. I love it so much. And I will say something that was new for me watching the show was how wildly attracted

I was to the, well, I won't give it away, but it essentially is the plumber. for the mom's house and like they kind of have a thing. I'm not going to spoil it, but I don't know. You know, I know she just about like older men sexy. He is just like so, so sexy. I've never been turned on by an older man. I don't Google this person. Yeah.

Ashley's never been turned on by an older man. Yeah. Yes. So I just, I'm loving it. I know so many people know about it. Again, it's not like a hot take. And, you know, told me about it was friend zone. Kind of keep some of them around.

Yeah. which is the guy that that's not even a dig to him. We just went on a couple dates and now we're friends and he told me about it and I started watching it and I'm loving it.

Okay, I need new shows so maybe I'll check that out tonight. I really think you're gonna like it. I've been hitting the docks too hard recently. Yeah. So, guys, spoiler alert, I have a documentary to recommend for you and then also like a good show.

But the documentary I'm going to recommend is on Netflix. It's called Seaspiracy. It's a film that features the effects of overfishing and just the amount of garbage that we pour into the ocean. I rarely watch a film that changes my mind about the way that I eat and the food I consume and just thinking about all the terrible things we're doing to the world.

So it talks about commercial fisheries, marine ecosystems, sustainable fishing, dolphin safe practices, and just all of these crises that we're putting onto the ocean. And they sort of prophesize when we are going to overfish and kill the sea. I found it really interesting if you care about marine life, if you care about the ecosystem at all. I thought it was interesting. It's worth a watch.

It's not super long. It's like an hour and 20 minutes. So that is great. C-CPRC on Netflix. The other one is the one on Netflix. I think it's six episodes. It's a fictional series. It's about the CEO of this company called Match DNA.

It's a company that compare people with the perfect partner based solely on your DNA samples. It sounds a little sci-fi. It is based in like current day, essentially. And it just basically is if these scientists came up with a way to match you with your perfect partner based on DNA. Would you do it? If you were already married, would you do it? How does this affect people like cheating and data? and things like that in the future.

I thought it was super interesting. It raised a lot of questions, at least for me, of like nature versus nurture. What if you're matched with somebody from across the world who had a totally different upbringing, would you date that person? Things like that. Yeah, I haven't watched it.

I plan on watching it. It's just, it seems so crazy to me. I think, like, our life experience is so much of what makes us who we are. Me too. So, like, I really can't. Like, do they keep in mind homosexuality or, you know, your sexuality? One of the things I really like about the show

is it features tons of gay couples and interracial couples. But what if they were like, your perfect partner? Here is this, you know, you're a man. Here's your perfect partner. She's a woman. He's like, I'm gay. One of the things they focused on that I thought was weird was not that, but not weird. But they matched this scientist from America with this woman who lives in like a refugee

camp in Somalia. And she like doesn't speak English. And it's like, well, okay, how do these people connect? What is their life experiences? And how does that match up? Yeah, I don't buy it. Listen, I believe in science. I believe in like.

I just like experiences. I can't imagine. Yeah. It made me think about that a lot. Like, can you be with somebody who's just life is so different than yours? It doesn't mean like, don't try to. But like, there is up an extent in which like, yeah, they could be your DNA match with their life is so different than yours. And then the other part is they focus on this couple that is already married and so madly in love.

And she files to see who his matches. Okay. So, yeah, show me my match. I'm all for it. I'm glad if you were deeply in love with somebody you had all this life experience with them, would you leave that partner because of DNA says. I don't want to see my match. So I thought it brought up a lot of just interesting existential questions for me. Yeah.

No, totally not. And I just also definitely feel like we have so many different people we can have a lifelong, happy, loving relationship with. I think that is the perfect point. I've been in love multiple times. They're all very different. They all fulfilled me for different reasons at different times. Yeah. So I don't believe this.

There's one person in the world for everybody. That would be a fucked up game that we were supposed to navigate. There's one person. You just have to find them. Well, they'll match them, but it's a lot of money. So anybody can do this? Yeah, the idea is that these two scientists came up with the technology. They start the company.

They have millions of people sign up in the first year. And it's about, I think it starts at the end of like the first or second year of this company. So people are doing this. Everyone is in the world is doing this. This is like the predominant way that people are meeting everybody else in the world. Wait, right now people are doing this. Well, it's fake. But yes, the idea.

Oh, it's not real? Ashley. You think there's a science that matches people based on their DNA to their exact partner. And you and I have never heard. Wait, this isn't a documentary? This is a fictional series. It's scripted? You were popping off about this and so it existed.

Wait. Wait, you've got to be kidding me. This whole time I thought this was real. And like only like scientists could do it. I didn't know. I thought it was real, but that regular people didn't have actual. access. You thought this technology existed in our dating podcast. I have never brought this up to you. I thought it just became a thing. And that's what the show is about.

You think this would be the biggest thing in the world? It would end online dating. It would end like having to go on dates. You just get to pay a bunch of money and they're like you, this person. No, because I think that a lot of people would be like, I don't care about my DNA says. Like, I started to become a person when I got born into the world. You know what I mean? Like, I 100% thought this was real. And I was kind of wondering, like, why there hasn't been a lot of buzz about it. You've never seen it on Instagram. No one has talked about this.

Netflix is the only people that know about it. Also, I said it's a fictional series. You just weren't listening to me. You did say that. First thing I said. Well, it's, I had already had in my mind that it wasn't. So I just didn't even hear that. That went in one ear out the other.

I thought you made a mistake. Ashley was like, I'll edit this out later. She's not even correct. I have never felt like I really feel like an idiot. I like how you started with. I've never really felt like an idiot. No, like I usually pick up on stuff pretty quick. I mean, this is crazy.

Like we would know about it. We would have heard about it. You know? Yeah. This isn't like some under the radar thing. I don't know. Raina. Like there's crazy technology.

People can choose the sex of their kid these days. Yeah. But I don't think it's the idea of like a lot. love match. Like it's so much deeper than like science. I don't know. But to me, it seems like something that scientists would have the technology to like do, but not everybody would like buy in or want to do it. I don't know. I just, I don't buy that there could be a way because it's like how it's like it's a random what I'm attracted to. I cannot believe this is fictional. I cannot believe you thought this was real. And then I wouldn't have suggested doing an entire episode,

honestly quitting the whole podcast and just doing a podcast about this. Okay, so anyway, guys, check out this doc part. Check out this documentary. And check your DNA match. Just sign up. I can't believe that. So in middle school, I think, I'm almost certain this is like just coming back to me. I think it was in like seventh or eighth grade.

Maybe ninth. No, I think it was middle school. I'm pretty sure. We all did these things to see who are like soulmates were in the school. Like a third party vendor, I feel like came in and gave us these little quizzes. Like your teacher sanctioned this and they were like, it was a thing. And then we got our results and like, who was your match? It was this guy that I would like later become friends with but was like not nice to me.

He picked me all the time. Did they do any same sex matches or is that like too advanced for the kids? I think that was a lot for the 90s. No, it was just like and everybody was running around being like, who's your like match? What did they base this on? We were doing this in Delaware in the 90s. Delaware is so advanced. No wonder.

I remember seeing your top three and I was like, I cannot believe that's my man. I guess it would make sense. Your top three like MySpace? Looking back, it makes sense, I guess,

is what I'm saying. But at the time, I was like, that guy's not nice to me. Did they ask, like, how much do your parents make? Like, what were the questions?

I really don't remember at all. Nothing like that. Nothing like about your, like, family or, like, you know, socioeconomic, whatever.

Like, like, I don't know, I really don't remember. I just remember getting that piece of paper. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, what are your favorite periods? What snacks? I'm fascinated by this. How they did this with kids. It was crazy. It was with kids. Yes. And so I just, I wish I had more details. Like, it's kind of a vague memory. I hope somebody messages us and like tells us this happened

to them too. Because this is fascinating to me. Yeah. Or were we just super ahead of our time in Samarna Delaware. Delaware is crushing science. Okay. So today we're talking about another really interesting topic. And it is about how the pandemic has affected people. in the world of dating sex, relationships, but also kind of the outlook for the future. And we're going to get into it. We have the editor of Cosmo. We're going to talk about the study that was done.

But we asked you guys how you're feeling about it, kind of just to see you out of curiosity, but also just to cross-reference a little bit, to see if it kind of lines up with what this study said. So let's not talk about the study. Let's just like, we'll get to it. No spoilers. But why don't we just go through some of the things that you guys said?

We asked you, how has the pandemic, changed your outlook on love, sex, dating, and the future of it all. And you guys popped off. And they were interesting. And I can't wait to get into the topic today and see how these align. But I'll just read a few. I feel more comfortable with the fact that I may never get married and I'm okay with it. Someone said, it's put me through an eight-month internet, long-distance relationship and counting and couldn't love my boyfriend more. Someone said, taught me to love my body and value my pleasure. True orgasms are food for the soul. When you have a chance to get it in, just do it, no

questions. Someone wrote, I'm way less conservative about sex, way more open to talking about and doing it. Someone said, my vibrator is my ride or die. Someone said, my partner and I went into the pandemic thinking we'd have kids coming out of it with a decision not to. We had a few of them of we decided not to have kids. Oh, I mean, I actually can't quote like the exact, the exact percentage, but there's been a huge, there's a baby bust. Yeah, there's a baby boom and it's been a baby best. Yeah. So everybody decided to just, you know, use production, lock it up. Okay. time is limited and I should be having sex that is mind-blowing and I accept nothing less. Go off, girl. Okay. Someone said, I realized how much work I had to do on myself before I feel comfortable dating again. I love that.

I'm nervous to casually date with STDs and COVID so people are being safer. Being in quarantine alone for months, maybe realize that I like myself better when I'm single. Someone just said I give up. Someone said, I've been having more sex during the pandemic than ever before like every day. I'm thinking that's like with her partner. Huh? I think that's like with her partner. Like different new people. Every day. Now discovering what real love for myself and others is.

And then finally took time to reflect on my unhealthy patterns and left a toxic relationship. Yes. We have only dating people I actually like instead of flailing around like a fucking fish. Someone wrote, I'm married and pretty sure we can make it through anything now. Another girl wrote, if his dick isn't good enough to risk COVID, it ain't worth it. Preach. COVID has made me even more. for the long-term committed relationship I'm in, and life is short, shoot your shot. Amen. Okay,

last bunch, feeling hopeless right now, but fingers crossed, we're heading into the roaring 20s and men will reappear in the wild. This is cute. I'm glad I got to read this. Ash has it right. I love my partner, but get the fuck out. Two homes sounds bomb. Yes, go off. Shock Girl Summer has no idea what's coming her way and neither do the men. Okay, I like her spice. And finally, no more just being content. I'm either happy or I'm not. We only have time for happiness in 2021. Yes.

So we had a huge mix. I will say, you know, those are a sampling. There were negative ones. They were like dating is just as bad as it was before. I have a lost hope, yada, yada. But I will say just glancing at the responses, I feel like they were overwhelmingly positive. And they were overwhelmingly like, I'm loving myself.

I'm pleasuring myself. My relationship's great. You know, of course people broke up. we've talked about that too, but that's what people said, and we are going to get into it with Jessica and the study, and we are just so, so excited to talk about this. Yes. Okay. So let's get into it with our guest today. Yes, we are really excited for our guest today. She is the editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine. Prior to her time of Cosmo, she held positions at The New Yorker, Boat, Teen Vogue, Glamour, and Marie Claire. In October of 2018, she was named

editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan, becoming the youngest person in the history of the magazine to hold the position at the age of 32. She also has a fabulous red lip on today. Please welcome to the show, Jessica Pels. Yay! Hi! This is so exciting. I love the show. Oh, thank you.

We're so flattered. We love the magazine. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you guys for having me. This is so exciting. It's so exciting for us, too. We are thrilled to have you.

Where are you coming to us from? I'm here in New York City. I'm holding down the fort. I never left. I don't think I'm ever going to leave. The weird thing is that I can actually see my office from my window. So we sort of stare each other down all the time and stay to each other someday. So here in Manhattan.

You're like, I'm always watching you, just so you guys now. I have to ask you, is it like when you were like a little girl or even like a teenager, did you ever dream that you would be the editor of Cosmo? was it like a dream for you? It was my dream. So I'm just like, I'm asking like how, you know, is it like surreal to you? Yeah, I mean, it's fully surreal. Once I started working in magazines, I was like, oh, I definitely want to be an editor-in-chief

because, you know, I think there's this thing that not enough women say, which is I wanted to be in charge. And I think it's okay for women to say that and that we should, that, you know, seeking a leadership position is a good thing and we need more of us in top jobs. So it started early on when I worked in magazines, but before that, when I was in eighth grade science class at Dickerson Middle School in Georgia, there was a girl in my class who said to me, she was like, you know what, someday you're going to be a magazine editor in New York City out of the blue. And I was like, okay, I have no idea why you're saying that. But turns out she was, I guess, a psychic. So here we are. That is incredible. I just, I love that story and I cannot resonate with, I want to be in charge enough. I knew

very early on in my adult working life that I could not have a boss that I needed to be the boss. And it was not going to work for me. So I just, I love that we're kicking it off with that. And also, we love a psychic medium. So if you want to let us know her name, I will hook you up. I will hook you up. But, you know, I was, I was watching some interviews with you too when I was reading about your history and your background. It does seem that you were like really singularly focused and you just went from like amazing position to amazing position and you achieved so much success to such a young age. It's, oh, and all your, George is back there. What's up, George? George. My dog just wandering around. Like, he's the one in charge. Yeah, he's in charge for sure. We know how

those households work. That's right. I'm sorry. I believe you were saying flattering things. Go for it. I just, I really, I liked your, I liked reading your, your, your history and interviews about just how you really, you were like, this is what I'm going to do, and I'm going to just climb the ladder and all these incredible places. And you've worked at Fogg and very Claire. I mean, you'd have like an incredible work history to get to where you are now. Thank you. It's, um, it's really helpful being in the position I am now to have had so much experience with other brands, um, in this space. And, uh, to have a really good sense of their perspective and what makes us different from each other and what their strategies are like. So, you know,

I'm always, I'm just stealing intel everywhere I go to use in the, in the next place. So we are here, we're going to talk about the survey. I have two more questions before we start. Do you talk about your relationship status? Can we know that or is that private? I typically don't talk about my relationship status. I have an amazing boyfriend. Oh, that's all I want to know if you were in a relationship for a single.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, and then my next question. I'm blushing. I don't know if you can see me absolutely blushing over here. No, thank you for sharing with that with us. Porcelain skin.

We do like to ask people at these, are you dating? Are you having sex? And you are in New York, which we like to know and from Georgia. What's your last question? Okay. This is like such an amateur question, but do you, have you watched the bold type? Yes, in fact, I have watched every single episode of that type. Okay.

And so you're a fan? I am. I love the show. I love it so much. And then, you know, we love it too. It's probably one of my favorite shows I've ever seen, but I just thought it was so interesting how they had that narrator for the first season. And I think some people watching the show were like,

who was this British woman that's narrating the show? And I ended up looking it up and it was the editor of Cosmo, right? Yes, my predecessor, she is inimitable. She's incredible. And yeah, she was the creator of the show. And so she narrated at the beginning, which I thought was a cool little detail. I loved it too,

but I think the average person was like, I don't, I don't get it. And I like looked it up. Okay, I'm done. I'm ready to get into the topic. Those were great questions. And we love talking about the bold type anyways.

Me too. So you are here today to talk about this unbelievable study by the Kinsey Institute about the future of sex and dating. And Ashley and I, we were joking, made our own predictions

of the future of sex and dating. Exactly one year ago, like 10 days of the pandemic, Ashley and I thought we knew everything about the future of sex and dating. You're like, guys, we've been inside for 10 days. The world is changed. How naive we were.

I can't believe no one's had sex with me for 10 days. But we want to hear about it. We want to be here about how it came to be. And then we're going to sort of break down a couple different topics with you. And I think, honestly, we should have listened back. We should have done our own research on our own show. But I think we did feel like people would have, would not take for granted human connection as much. I think overall we felt like people would.

start to gravitates or they would just appreciate their connections and the human connection more. So, but yeah, this study was incredible and we just want to hear you talk about it and your expertise. I have to give you props because your instincts were more spot on than mine were. My instincts were that, you know, there would be a sort of like bloodbath of breakups and divorces, you know, that so many couples who were on, how shall I say, not the deeply in love end of the spectrum would feel that this was a breaking point. And I also thought that post-COVID, which of course we have not yet fully entered, but we see the light at the end of the tunnel,

I thought post-COVID would be like a bacchanalia of, you know, just a free-for-all of singles, you know, screwing anything that moves. And the data proved both of those instincts to be wrong, which I thought was really interesting. And the main point, the main thrust really is that. that people are much more interested in commitment than they were before. And I think it sounds like that's exactly what you thought at the beginning of all of this. Well, we thought, we did also say that if COVID broke you up, then you weren't meant to be.

So people clearly broke up. They weren't ready to take that step. I think people moved in quicker than they probably should have. But we ultimately felt like that was because that wasn't a match to begin with. We also saw people that were kind of forced to be together that have like thrived. You know what I mean? I almost like we know a couple that she was hesitant to even move in with him. And now they live in Virginia like on a farm together and they're like amazing.

So I think we heard people saying like COVID broke us up. And it's like, I don't think so. I think that there was an external factor that would have been something different six months down the road. So yeah. Yeah. My last prediction I think was that people were just going to go buck wild having sex with everything.

We don't know. Yeah. We might want to. The curve fall of this whole study to me was that people do want to go buck wild and they want to do it with a committed partner, right? They want to get freakier.

But I'm sorry, I'm getting too ahead because we want to talk about existing couples and sex, but can you give us like a two sentence like synopsis or you know as many sentences as you want, you're in charge of like what the study was where it was done, like what the Kinsey Institute is? Yeah, of course.

You know, the Kinsey Institute is a famed institution that focuses on sex. I think the biggest touch point the average American probably has with Kinsey's work is the scale of sexuality. I think there's a relatively, you know, common awareness of the fact that, you know, according to them, there isn't binary sexuality. It's not that you're straight or gay. It's that there's this spectrum and all people are somewhere on the spectrum, maybe at one pole, but maybe also more towards the middle. And so they are a very famous and important group of scientists and researchers that we respect a lot and work with often. We also wanted to tap our buddies at our brother brand, Esquire, to make sure that the dude POV was represented here and that we got dude voices as well.

So it's a partnership between Cosmo, Esquire, and Kinsey, which I wish we could have a dinner party because I feel like that would be so interesting. But we surveyed a little bit over 2,000 Americans between the ages of 18 and 45 across a sort of a demographic sweep that matches the census data. So it's nationally representative data is how we talk about it. Okay. Also, we will be at the dinner party if you want to do Kinsey, Cosmo, Esquire. girls got to eat it. You want to see how sexually homosexual or heterosexual I am. No. All right. So let's talk about the study. So we want to talk about the future of dating sex, but let's talk about maybe briefly what this did, what the pandemic did for existing couples.

Did people break up? Did people get divorced? People recommit to their partners. Like, what did it do? Yeah. So despite what some of us might have thought about breakups and divorces, it turns out that people in couples, you know, quarantined couples together actually got closer and actually got happier. Our friends at Esquire pointed out one of the stats from the survey to us, which was that 69% of men in, sorry. Yeah, same over here. We can't say it without laughing like we're middle school kids. I know.

I'm so immature sometimes. but, you know, 69% of men report more affection towards their partners than they did before COVID, which is like warm and fuzzy and just really sweet. And interestingly, quarantine couples report that they are having better sex now than they were before, which is also really interesting because, you know, the cultural narrative before that was that monogamy creates monotony and like you slip into old patterns and it's hard to keep things fresh, which may have been true, but seems to no longer be the case. It's really interesting. Quarantine sort of made the couples, the committed couples, really acutely aware of what it takes to keep things interesting.

And then, you know, it made the singles among us experienced enough at satisfying ourselves that the bar for future, you know, future partners is higher than it was before, which we can get to. but yeah, couples are happier and having better sex. And really interestingly, there are some people who confess to us that they had fantasized about breaking up. They had fantasized about leaving their partner. But of those people, only 2% of them plan to actually do it. So again, I really think that we're not going to see this big bloodbath of breakups, which is nice.

Yeah. And that was something that we tackled early on as well was how to keep that spark going, especially when it was like the height of it, when it was like you weren't even going to dine outside or anything like that. So it sounds like a lot of people figured that out. You know, and we had a couple, our girl that messaged us. This was something we said at our live show where her and her boyfriend both got COVID and lost their sense of taste and smell.

And they were trying a whole lot of freaky shit. So it's For them. We're like, we actually don't want the details, but go off. So I just, I love that.

You know, we were, it's, if you were stuck in the house with somebody, why not experiment and figure out what you want in the bedroom?

Yeah, especially if you've COVID, stick your nose in someone's butt, you know? Now's your chance. No better time. Yeah. Well,

that maybe is like a good segue into the future of sex because it sounds like people took this opportunity to get a little free here. They did indeed. So like a solid half of our respondents said that they have already been engaging in more experimentation than they were before COVID. And that means, you know, watching porn together, playing with toys together, mutual masturbation, role play, talking about fantasies.

Half of our respondents, that's a huge number. Especially considering that those people were not as experimental before this. And so I think that's really cool. It will surprise no one that the pandemic saw a huge spike in sex toy purchases across the country. Lilo is a fantastic sex toy company that we like a lot here at Cosmo. And they saw a 250% spike in sales. So that's, you know, good news all around. More pleasure is always a good thing.

Yeah. It's like Peloton and Dildos. for like 200%. Wasn't Pelotons like they went up by like 200% too. Like it was just... And Zoom and vibranes. I don't know if the subject, I don't know if the study differentiated.

And I read some things, but you know, would love to give you to give a little more depth. So people were saying within committed relationships they were being more experimental or with strangers or with new people, how does it like delineate? So yeah.

So I mean, of course the thing about lockdown is that the data that we collected from people is data that we collected from couples. that represented what they've been doing together during quarantine, but for singles, it's all sort of perspective, right? So the couples reported to us that they have been experimenting more together during quarantine. The singles reported to us that like the second quarantine is over. They plan to get more experimental.

But I love to the way you said this earlier. It's absolutely correct that the plan is not to screw anything that moves. It's more to find a committed relationship and then be experimental within those parameters. I mean, that said, is worth noting that a fifth, a solid fifth of our respondents said that they are interested in pursuing an open relationship in the future, which, you know, monogamish is a concept that it has been around for a while and I think will be explored more deeply post-COVID. But yeah, more experimentation in general across singles and people who are already committed. I love that too because I think that we just, I mean, New Yorkers, but everybody, we're just always so busy and on the go this made people slow down. You know, like, I'm sure there are so many people that never even thought to experiment and think about what they really want in the bedroom. Maybe they did listen to a sex podcast or they just read an article.

Like, you just having more time to slow down and think about that. I love that you say that. We talked to, one of the experts we talked to for our piece had this great point about the fact that like hookup culture in the past. has been, or at least in the recent past, has been so focused on the act of hooking up that a lot of people in those situations are not necessarily focusing on the quality of the experience so much as they are on the fact that they're having the experience at all. And that's a point that we make in the piece is that it really seems like post-COVID, people are sort of trading up from the idea of getting some to like getting something really

good, which I think is really interesting. And you say people slowing down, that is absolutely a trend that we're going to see. People reported to us that they want to take more time before they meet someone in person. 70% of our respondents said that they plan to keep video dating even after COVID. I thought we'd all be sick of these platforms, but they're a really effective way to vet people and to see if you have a connection and if you're sort of feeling each other, And so a lot of our respondents plan to continue to vet dates that way. Take longer to decide to meet someone in person. Once they do meet someone in person, take longer to decide if they want to actually have sex.

So taking a longer amount of time to make the right choice as opposed to like a bunch of random choices is definitely something that we're going to see. Yes. And something that I loved in the article is that it said like just because you happen to show up on a date doesn't mean that you're going to have sex with the person because I'm just there. and that most people reported that's not something, or a lot of people reported. I'm not just going to screw a person just because like, ugh, I put on clothing, I got out of the apartment. And I loved this discussion of the rise of waiting longer to have sex and only wanting less sex partners.

So, you know, being a little more committed to having one sexual partner, which can happen, I think, if you wait a little bit longer. I do think a part of it is health-related. Like, you know, part of the job of a brand like mine is to drill into people, that sex does carry with it some health risks if you don't protect yourself the smart way. And we've been beating that drum for decades now. But the thing is that it's no longer just that the concern about sex is STIs or unwanted pregnancy. Now it's also COVID. And so we did see that our respondents are going to be much more cautious about sex from a health perspective.

42% of them told us that they are more likely to outright ask a partner about their COVID status than they thought they would be. People were doing that on the apps. Like when I was going on app dates, like not, you know, in the height of COVID more in the fall. Like it was always talked about, right? And I just, you know, like what have you been doing? How have you been living? I mean, that was pre-vaccine. Now we can just be asked if you're vaccinated or not.

That's right. It's funny. Actually, one of my best friends is she's dating on the apps. and I guess this was like a month or two ago, but she, on a group chat, she was like, guys, the apps are suddenly flooded with doctors who have all recently been vaccinated and they are like here to date.

And it's just like... Well, it's kind of funny. Like the people that may have gotten a vaccine early, like they had a leg up. So it's like maybe a guy that's not attractive. You know, it used to be that he's funny or he's rich. And now it's like he's got the vaccine. Like I feel like people were like using it as they're like,

we were seeing. that is exploding offer. In profile pictures. There's only like eight weeks that you can use this, right? Because we're about to all get it. We're all going to get vaccinated. So you got like two months that you can like put your like your vaccine dick on the table. Figuratively.

Yeah. Theoretically. But another thing that like really resonated with me because I mean I was having almost no sex during the pandemic. I was single and I lived in New York by myself. What does that look for? You're having a little more than the average person. Or an intimacy. You know, you hook up with one guest from the show.

And your neighbor, Brena, you did a good job. I was fucking my neighbor. But listen, let me tell you, Jessica, it is hard to go to somebody in your own building during a pandemic and I did it. Good for you. I'm impressed.

I think that people, and it resonated with me because I was like, oh yeah, me too. When I read that people realize they can have less sex, right? Everybody's having less sex during the pandemic. And I think that you realize, like, well, now that I can have more, sex more safely. I still don't need to do it with all these people. Like I can wait. I've tested it. I'm going to be fine if I wait a little while to find somebody that this is going to be safe,

pleasurable, enjoyable. I see a future with or don't. You know, you don't have to see a future with every person you sleep with. I didn't know my neighbor. Which they now, they have learned the hard way. But no, one of our experts made that point as well, which is great, which is that like something that the pandemic did teach those of us who are not in committed relationships or are quarantined alone, is that like the world is not going to end just because we're not having sex.

It sort of showed people how much longer they can go without sex than maybe they thought before. Or, you know, or put more pressure, not more pressure, but put more focus, I should say, on self-pleasure, self-stimulation. And that I think in a way, one of the things I'm happy to see come out of COVID is that by virtue of necessity of nothing else, it really did destigmatize masturbation. Yeah, go off. Yeah, I don't know that men needed that as much as women did.

You know, like, masturbating for men is not really a stigma at all. But it's still, for women, it still carries the weight of taboo, which is ridiculous, of course. And I think COVID has helped hear us of that. a little bit. I agree. I love that you said that we talk about this a lot of just how it's changed. I mean, we always say even in the last five years, but especially now COVID has made it even less stigmatized. We said that in our episode now. I'm just remembering that women are going to be fine. Like, we've all gone a long time. Like, it's the men that are like so fueled by sex and they just have the fuck somebody new every other weekend, you know, that are going to start to like go a little

crazy. But I think the thing I loved the absolute most in the study was the decline of the one-night stand. And it spoke to me so much because I've had so many one-night stands in my life. And, you know, they're funny and they're good stories. And I really was like, I've always been really sexually open. And I, you know, I always love to be like, I got laid last night. You know, I was younger in my 20s and college and stuff. And, but none of those experiences were that great. They weren't. I didn't feel a super intimate connection to a partner that I met. at a bar. And I think if we really dig deep, like, we don't really love the one-night stand. And that's coming from someone that's had so many of them. And Rain and I talked about this because we're like,

there's always a time and a place, you know, who doesn't love that great vacation story or, you know, whatever, this really fun thing. And you can have good sex in a one-night stand, but I don't really want them anymore. I have when recently, it kind of like fucked me up for a couple days and talked to the guy. And I'm not saying that I, you need to have a boyfriend or a committed relationship, but I like that someone knows you a little bit. I like that you're going to hear from them the next day. I think that all those things lend us to, A, being more comfortable in the bedroom and thus being able to open up and have better sex, but B, just feeling overall respected. You know, I just don't, I love that those could be on the decline because I don't really

think they serve most people if they really aren't being true to themselves. Yeah, it's interesting. It's all sort of tied up in empowerment, right? Like the pill, not to get all scientific, but the pill created a world in which women could engage in casual sex the way men had been able to engage in casual sex, right? So that leveled a playing field, so to speak. And I sort of see the rise of the one night stand as, um, as the one point O, version of us exercising sexual empowerment in that certain context. And the 2.0 is, yeah, I can get it. Maybe I want to get it good. Like, maybe I want it to be better and to be even just not even, I'm not even necessarily talking about emotional depth, though of course that's very important, but even just

sexual understanding, you know, sex with a partner who is invested in police. using your particular body and vice versa is arguably better sex than with someone who doesn't know and doesn't care. So, yeah, I really do see that as an interesting evolution that feels right. Yeah, and I think we've all had sex with those people that don't care about your pleasure. They're there for their pleasure when they finish the sexual experience is over. And I think everybody on this show, the listen to the show knows me as somebody who really likes dirty talk and I want to try freakier things. But I don't like that with a person that I don't care it all about. I mean, yes, like Ashley said, vacation sacks, great. I'll do some weird stuff

on vacation. Out of the different continent, or you don't even know what Raina does when she's out of the country. I mean, if I have used a passport to go somewhere, you can spin my mouth, but other than my favorite quote you ever said. Oh my God. Thank you for holding my hand towards the quote. Once you get that vaccine passport, it's over for everybody. If I've used global entry, yeah, you can you can do anything. Globally entry. You can globally enter. But I mean, I joke around about like that I like dirty talking. I like to be called names in the bedroom. But I don't like it with a stranger.

And I like it with somebody that I'm going to like hang out with in bed and then go to brunch with. Like I don't really enjoy that. I don't get off as much from it. And I'm glad that like, like you said, the first sort of like wave of empowerment was women saying, okay, I can do this. I can enjoy this. I can go out and I can act like cold like a man. But now it's sort of like now I get to enjoy this a little more.

And I think that's really super important. And have higher standards for it. Like we get to say I have higher standards for this experience. And I mean, really, in a way, what we're talking about is intimacy. And I think that has been a huge learning of COVID. And what I think is behind the drive towards commitment and the drive away from one night's dance and even the drive towards experimentation, which is that like experimentation with someone that you are committed to, which is really that, you know, COVID taught us that like,

A, the world can be a really scary place. And when the shit really hits the fan, I think we all have a better sense now of what we as individuals need emotionally and just as people in these situations than we did before. I don't know about you, but I have never lived through a global pandemic before. And so I did not know what I would need. and I learned what I needed. And I think a lot of people have come around to the idea of needing companionship and needing emotional support. And I kind of feel like in an earlier draft of the piece, which was later edited, I had added in an idea about how this is sort of like the mushy generation.

Like we're going to be the mushy generation. And I love that because it really does feel like. Maybe the past couple of decades were about deprioritizing emotions so that we could prioritize freedom and empowerment. But there's nothing wrong with wanting an emotional experience in the bedroom and wanting emotional support from your sexual partner. And I really think that is what is coming to the floor here. I mean, we grew up with emo rock. Like, of course, like, we're emo as fuck. And also, later, the generation that grew up with being told, like, play games with men, don't act like you have feelings, act like you don't want anything, make them chase you, never lean into

feeling it. And, you know, I think that that's been hammered to us. Like men love bitches, play hard to get, you know. And I mean, I don't know if that's changing or what you think about that. I feel like we've been deconstructing that for a while now. And I just, I like this notion of like, it's okay to want commitment. It's okay to be honest about it, be open about it. That doesn't mean you're foregoing other things. Yeah. And I think it's, it's sort of level set us all, you know, men, women and anyone who identify. anyway. It's level set us all at a certain level of fragility, which is ultimately, I think, a good thing that we can see it and be honest about it. We can identify it in each other. I think

that can only do good things for future relationships, but also just future sexual situations, future hookups. And yeah. I think you guys even said in the, it was like a chart that was like what's out and what's in. And it said like one night's and then like three nights and stands, which is, I just love that. Like, there's guys that I've had in and on my life. We've gone on a few dates. We've had sex three times. That's great. I look back on it. It's a positive experience. We got to a good place sexually. We knew what we, not to, you know, a point you'd have with a long-term partner, but we knew enough what we liked. There was mutual respect and intimacy there. Even after having sex, like, three times. But I, yeah, I just don't, I mean, Rayne and I,

our audience knows exactly what we think. We think, go out and do whatever you want. Fuck a different guy every night of the week, safely, please. But like, you I personally am kind of passed out. I had a one night stand not too long ago. Like I said, and like, I just didn't ever talk to the guy again. And I just, the next day, I was like, I can't believe I let that guy choke me. Like, what the fuck? Like, I should, like me.

Like, I can't believe that guy. A first date from an app got to see me naked and know what I like in bed. And I just didn't like it. And I was like, I think this is the end for me. I mean, yeah, when we're out of the country, yes. I'll do some freaky shit. But I, see, I have changed personally. So.

But again, that's all. that's the through line of this entire thing for us is that people are so much more interested in and committed to the pursuit of their unique satisfactions and their unique feelings of security and happiness. And like, you know, I think for a lot of people that has meant, oh, wait, the one night stand does not necessarily work for me like I thought I did. And like you said, the fact that people may have engaged in more, but maybe even just figured out, what pleasures them, like maybe some of the younger woman just really got into masturbation for the first time during the pandemic. Like, they're going to be like, no, no, no, I have a

vibrator waiting at home. Chad, you have no idea what you're doing. Go home. I'm going to go home with my vibrator and get off better. So we can shut this down. I've like had to pop off. No, no, it's fine. I, the thing that's the most exciting to me about this whole study is that what has happened is that people are more committed to commitment, but also committed to being freakier being exploratory. And I think sometimes some people have looked at that, that when you become intimate and comfortable with somebody long term, the sex goes away, the experimentation goes away. And it sounds like we're going to marry these things together. And I think that's so exciting. Me too. I mean, COVID has done a lot of really shitty things to our world, obviously. But it is,

it is nice to see that there could be some really long-term positive results for relationships and dating. And, you know, one thing I saw that I loved is that half of Hinge users admitted that they used this time to, like, be less shitty at being in relationships. They decided to, like, break the habit of ghosting and break the habit of playing games. And it sort of feels like everyone is trying to make themselves singles or trying to make themselves more committable people. And I really do, you know, to bring it back full circle, I really do feel like what this all comes down to is the pursuit of doing right by yourself. And like, you know, admitting whether you are a woman who has been told that like casual sex is empowering or whether you're a man who has

been told that having feelings is lame, doing right by yourself means saying it's okay for me to have emotional needs. And I need someone next to me at home every day to help. me deal with them. Or it's okay that, as you said, that a one-night stand just doesn't quite, it may do it for me on some level, but it doesn't do it for me on enough levels to be worth it, you know? Yeah. And I love that you said people are just less shitty. I mean, and that obviously doesn't apply to everybody. People may have gotten, I think we've seen people get more shitty that, you know, we're not going to go down that road. But I think a lot of people, people that were decent people to start with, have gotten more compassionate and they have learned.

a lot. You know, like we did a whole episode last week about the micro-regressions and the things that men say on the apps to women of color. And I think that it doesn't necessarily mean that all those guys are terrible, awful people. That they may have learned things throughout this last year when a lot has come to light. And they may not ever act like that again because now they know better. And so hopefully that if people kind of became more understanding, more compassionate throughout this, that will continue and that will translate into dating. So I certainly. hope so. And I, you know, I've been on a similar journey. I think, I think in this process, I have learned that I wasn't as good as I thought in the past at putting myself in other people's shoes and in being really aware and sensitive, aware of and sensitive to the experiences of people who don't look like me or don't live like me or have different belief systems than I do. And that has been such an incredible, you know, important, difficult, but very worth it journey. And now I'm sorry, I feel like I'm getting very good. I love this.

It's important. We should all admit that. You know, we should all admit, like, I have learned a lot. I wasn't as educated or as compassion as I maybe a thought I was. Maybe I wasn't as empathetic or understanding as I thought I was. And if you were open during this past year, you have learned a whole lot. I think we all did a lot more like learning, sitting at home. All my hobbies were castrated.

I couldn't do any of them. So, you know, if you weren't at home reading, listening to other people, having longer conversations, thinking more about your words and how they affect people, I don't know what you spent the pandemic doing, but I had nothing else to do besides become a better person. And listen to how, hopefully, listen to how, you know, other people are living. We just saw a lot of pain. We still are. I feel like I've never seen more than I'm seeing right now, like, in this week.

You know, so I think that people just hopefully paid attention and got outside of themselves, you know. And to this point, I feel like it's worth saying that all of this information about the trends that we are seeing and will see post-COVID, you know, I want to be super clear that none of that comes with judgment attached to it. like I am all for casual sex that that's what you're one. Oh, yeah. We are too. Whatever you want. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

I don't think that anybody wants to judge. You know, that's the whole thing about our show. But let's talk about that. You know, I think that there's this narrative of like, shock girl summer. We're going to be out making out in the streets.

You know, like, it's going to be St. Marks. It's going to be Bourbon Street every weekend. Like I, did you see those types of answers too? Like as like, oh, I'm just going to. No. It's just Ashley. Actually, Ashley is going to be shop girls number.

It's just going to be me with all the 25-year-old going to say marks. Catch me outside. I mean, I do. We, people absolutely are myself included going to be out there living it up in general, you know, like it's 1999. I think what we saw was that it, uh, the desire to get out there and let loose was not focused on sex, but rather was about seeing friends and engaging with people and traveling and experiencing.

world again, which is nice. But I really, do you guys remember the suit supply ad that came out about a month ago? Oh. It was photographs. It's a suiting company and they came out with an ad campaign of photographs of people just like really grotesquely making out. Licking faces. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yes. And it was something like, you know, this is our new whatever. And the funny thing is that came out while we were shipping this issue and while we were working on this story. And over at Cosmo, we were like, no, no.

I think it's just so funny to like how people are going to get their kicks is like sitting inside a restaurant with friends. Like, it's just like we've, so much has been taken from us. So like we don't need to be like fingered on the street that we just want to like go to a comedy club and laugh with our friends. I mean, listen.

Ashley needs to figure out on the street. I still think some people are like, I I just wonder like, I don't know. I feel like when it's really over, when it's really like we're told that, I mean, I think we're still going to be wearing masks for a while, but when we're really kind of out of the woods and I don't know. I wonder if people will just want to be closer to people. I'm not saying even like penetration, but just naturally like touchier. You're kind of like a little are you going to hug me more? I'm not going to hug anybody. I'm not hugging anyone. I actually did hug me

like two weeks ago once. I was like, do you want to hug now or something? But I just wonder if you're going to feel a little more like electric energy because it's just you've been missing it. You know, not that like let's go home and fuck, but I just wonder if people are going to be flirtier, touchier, just naturally want to be closer physically, I guess. I don't know. I think it's funny that I asked. I was like, okay, so tell me about the people that are going to be just fucking in the street. She was like there that they don't exist. She was shaking her head silently. Like, Ashley, don't even finish this sentence. Well, I mean, also, and I don't know if you, I mean, we can beat this forever. We're just trying to get you to say yes at some point. I mean, I think it depends

on your age, right? Like, college kids will be college kids. Sure. People that don't ever want to settle down. For sure. They're never going to settle down. Yeah. I mean, all of this is directional, right? And it doesn't, none of it applies to everyone on the whole. And to your point about college kids, you know, a lot of college kids who entered college at this time, they don't know what real college feels like. Like, that's going to be a whole. Yeah, they will get there. I have a feeling they will make up for last time. But definitely on the, yeah, there will definitely be people who really let loose. And I don't know if you guys saw the news today about Cuomo legalizing weed

for New York. Yeah. Well, he's trying to get that fourth term. Let's be honest. He was like, everybody can get a vaccine. Everybody can smoke weed. I got to get boats somehow. Come out for, come over to dinner. I'm passing out hundreds. Just come over. Sorry, we hijacked you. But, No, I hadn't seen that yet today. No, no, no. Yeah, so just today, it's effective immediately. And so between that and the end of COVID, like, it's going to be, let's hope it's the most fun summer of our life. That is so funny, though. Quoam was like, what can I do?

I thought it was like, what can I give you free ice cream? That was for today. I thought, okay, so I thought it was going to be in three months. So today he just said, like, fuck the waiting period. We're just going to do it. Well, he's a bully. He signed it. Yeah.

Well, is there any last. like blew you away about this study, anything else shook you to your core, surprised you, or just, or not, anything that we didn't discuss. To be honest, I just found it so reassuring that, you know, people are more in touch with and more open about their emotional means, which just sounds so unsexy to talk about. So I apologize for that. Sounds sexy to me.

Yeah. Turns me on. Yeah. I'm like, oh, someone that's in touch. their emotional needs. Jeez. That's my porn category. It's a sign of maturity. And I think it, you know, in the past, I think that's just come with age. But in a way, it feels like COVID has like sped us all up to a certain point. And that's really nice.

Hey. Nice. Maybe Ashley will hug me more than once a month now. That's what I was speed at. Yeah. Once I'm fully vaccinated, maybe I'll touch people more, but probably not. Well, it was really such a pleasure in packing this to do. Can you tell us which article? I mean, we know, but tell everybody like which Aspire and Cosmo. It's the current one where this is, right? In fact, I can. So it's in our April issue with Sweetie on the cover.

Wait, hold on a second. You got this says snack awards on it. You know, it's like our brand. Like, we call our listeners snacks and we love Sweetie, obviously. Is this like the best issue of Cosmo ever? Of course it is. Yes, we just launched a whole new snack awards where we're telling you the best snacks. So, yes, I should have had you as a guest judge. I'm so sorry. I didn't think about that.

But now we're on your radar. Recall the episode. No, recall the episode. Also, we open all of our shows with sweetie. Oh my God. All of our live shows, I make Ashley put it in the playlist. Well, we actually, we had our last huge show. We had the LA Rams cheerleaders open the show. We had this huge theater show and the Rams cheerleaders opened. And the coach, remember she texted me? And she goes, hey, would you guys maybe want Sweetie to perform? We were like, bitch, what? And it didn't work out. Sweetie was busy.

But she was like, we love sweetie. She's a fan. Like, she does stuff with us. We'd like, we'll try to get her for the show. And I've never been so blue balled in my life because we weren't able to get her. But we were close. So maybe. She's amazing.

She's so amazing. I love this photo of her. She's just so cool. And also her interview, I have to, you know, highly recommend it if you like her music. But also if you don't, because. She is so open and honest about the fact that some of her, some of what she's good at now did not come naturally to her. She was bad at it before and she had to like teach herself and work hard and actively acquire skills that she didn't already have.

And back at the beginning of this, I said more women need to say, you know, it needs to be okay for a woman to say I want to be in charge. I think in the same way it needs to be okay for people in general to say I had to teach myself this thing because it didn't come naturally. and it was actually really hard work, you know? Love that, Mass. I love that. She's just so great. I mean, I've always been a fan of the music, but I've doveed a little bit deeper recently with the breakup and how she handled it. And I thought she handled it so beautifully.

And I saw some tweet that someone tried to call her, like, that's not the kind of girl you bring home to dinner or something. And I might have been Chrissy Tegan. Somebody clapped back and was like, you know, she has a communications degree from USC. Or something like, what the fuck are you talking about? I just, I love it. She's just this, like, brilliant, beautiful.

beautiful, talented. I'm like, how is that a real person? So I love that she's on the cover. Totally agree. And I will say a sort of funny thing is that we broke this cover after her breakup, just a couple of days after her breakup. And, you know, we put it online and a lot of people were like, oh my God, after the breakup, she looks so good, like good for her. And I love that for her. But also, like, we shot this a long time ago. You were like, do you guys do you guys tell how magazines work? that's like when somebody will say to us on like Monday I can't believe you guys didn't address this thing that happened like on Sunday and we're like we produce this show in full

it doesn't we can't work on Sunday live breaking news like on something you know like people just they see what they want like of course they knew she broke up they saw a picture and they were like damn she's got that breakup body and you're like I don't know if you guys know a magazine's work but

I wish we could do shoots that fast to be honest with you but we have derailed you because sweetie came up. Well, all right. So April, April, why do I, what is wrong with me?

The April issue of Cosmo, guys. Yeah, I guess you don't know how magazines work. I'm a bag full of issues and I'm like, what is that word? Okay, April issue of Cosmo. I was some people can follow Cosmo. Where else can they find you? Oh, I am on Instagram and Twitter.

It's Jessica underscore Pels. And I do post like dog pictures. I was just going to ask. come if you're there for the dog content. Yeah. I was like, are we talking George? Is George on there? That's right. That's right. Okay. George Pels. I love to see it. This was such a pleasure. You really are so wonderful. We are really so excited. I can't wait for everybody here in the interview. Thank you. This was great. Really. Thanks, Jessica. Thanks, Jessica. Thanks. Talk soon. Bye. And you guys know where to find us. Girls Got Eat Podcast.com at Girls Gottoeat E podcast.com. I'm

Ash has on Instagram. Raina is reina.org.com.com.com.com.com. eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash girls got to eat. We will see you guys in Florida in just a few short weeks. So get those tickets at our website. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Bye.