Girls Gotta Eat - The New Rules for Dating, Career, and Loving Your Life with Eli Rallo

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

We are so excited to be joined by author and influencer Eli Rallo (also known as "Gen Z's Carrie Bradshaw") for a discussion on navigating dating, friendship, happiness, and career in your 20s. Eli shares how she got her start on TikTok and leveraged the success into a book deal, and gives advice for how to stay authentic to yourself and block out the haters. Then we discuss how she was able to stop dating only for validation and really find herself, and then find love. And she shares her rules for approaching dating so it's more fun/less pressure, why you should try people out in different settings, and the astrological signs that are most likely to plan an amazing date, cry during sex, ghost you, and more. Before Eli joins us, we're answering the question "Is there a sexy way to spit on a dick?", plus Rayna is in reality TV heaven and Ashley is in a love triangle. Enjoy! Follow Eli on TikTtok @elirallo and Instagram @eli.rallo, check out her book I Didn't Know I Needed This, and listen to her podcast Miss Congeniality. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for more info and shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Skims: Get free shipping on orders over $75 at skims.com. Daily Harvest: Get $30 off your first box plus free shipping at dailyharvest.com/gge. Helix: Get 20% off all mattress orders plus two free pillows at helixsleep.com/gge with code HELIXPARTNER20. Babbel: Get 55% off your subscription at babbel.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I had like all my little rules for myself. So it was like I had a playlist I would listen to. I had like a go-to outfit. I would do my makeup and I would try to plan dates on the same nights as my friend so that we could all get ready together. I would have a glass of wine before, like all of these things that I would do that would make me feel like more in control. Girls got to eat. Welcome back. I'm wearing the merch.

I thought you were going to wear the merch. How embarrassing would it be if we both wear the merch the same day, though? It's too much. Listen, I brought it. Take your shirt off on camera. Okay. Here it is. But I'm wearing this.

Well, now, okay, so I got all fucked up because we basically did like two days of recording. Spoiler alert. Sometimes that happens. We're in a whole different like set than the interview will be. Well, I ran back upstairs today because you were like, I'm going to wear my Gigi shirt for the earlier. You got played. You played me. I went back upstairs.

now I'm in this hot sweatshirt. Can't pull me twice. Can't pull me again. You can't pull me seven times. I'll fall for it. Yeah. So this is going to feel so different than when we come in with our guest today, Eli. Feels so different.

I'll be in a tech top. And then we'll be in a different room. Oh, yeah. Also different. Also that. But we're still here at Spotify, but we are really making headway with our studio. And, you know, I asked for help. I have a good grasp on a lot of things.

I've been doing our sound and all of our stuff for a lot of years. But I was like, you know what? I have blinds. spots. Let's bring it a professional and really get some stuff going. And we're actually, you know, been working with one of the guys that works with stiff socks. So they were nice enough to lend him to us. And we're really excited about the way it's going to look and feel and sound and everything. But in the meantime, we're still at Spotify. So list on Spotify and just shout to them for having us. Yeah, seriously. All right. And then thanks to a couple of other partners and we'll dive right in.

Thanks to Babel for supporting our show. Here's a special limited time deal for you. Right now, get 55% off your Babel subscription for our audience at babble.com slash GGE. Rules and restrictions may apply. And big shout out to Helix Sleep. Take their two-minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. For our listeners, go to Helix sleep.com slash GGE and use code Helix Partner 20. Yes.

And thanks to Daily Harvest for supporting girls got to eat, get yummy smoothies that are ready in minutes without shopping and prepping. go to dailyharvest.com slash gge to get $30 off your first box plus free shipping for a limited time only. And we'd like to thank Skims for supporting our show. Skims has over 100,000 five-star reviews for a reason. Skims bras are now available at skims.com plus get free shipping on orders over $75. Okay, you know what I'm going to do? I usually don't do this. Let's open up to feedback on what you guys think about the angles and the rooms. And our personalities. Yeah. Roast me, bitches. No, like honestly, Granted, we, people are really nice to us on YouTube, which people say, like, that's the scariest

comment section. It is. I think the people that subscribe on YouTube and they, like, write really nice comments, but I think that, like, we want you guys to like the viewer experience. Like, if you were watching on YouTube, we want you to like it, you know, like, I think we're always just like, what do people want to see? Like, do you like when we're on that across from each other at that table, kind of a radio station vibe or do you like this more or do you miss the couch?

I don't know. Like, of course, we're not going to base it on, like, one or two people, but I'm just curious. what people like. I'm interested. I am too. We bought four chairs that I dragged across my lawn, unpacked, hired a task grab at them all night, built the chair. So we have four chairs. No, I know. We're not going to undo stuff we've already done, but I'm just like curious what people like for like to watch a podcast, you know? I love sitting up in a chair like this. I have really enjoyed it. Yeah. Now I'm a little slouchy. But just in general, watch on YouTube. It's a fun time. It is. And if you guys are new here, we have a great YouTube channel. There's clips.

whole episodes. We have a full merch site, Girls GottaEatatatatcom, also Girls Gotteeat Podcast. Shop. All the episodes are there, all the offers and everything. So if you're like, I wonder if they have an episode about this. Girls Gottoeatatcom. Every episode is there. You can search it. Yeah. And just one last thing. We also have a sex toy company is called Vibes Only. And we have premium sex toys. They're all Bluetooth connected.

So you can connect them with our app, have someone control them long distance or check your battery, which is amazing. So your vibrator never dies on you. There's erotic audio in there and all kinds of stuff. And we just did a photo shoot and we like shot some of our new toys and we have a toy coming that is unreal. It is like I've used it. I'm like I can't. I have to really use this spare and like just take over my life. We have really fun stuff coming out. This is like a showstopper.

Oh, it is big, beautiful. It's a big daddy. Yeah. It really is. Yeah, we did a photo shoot with our friend Afrique Armando and it was like seven hours, like eight outfits. All day long, we did like boss lady outfits for Vives, do tour poster. We're doing a tour. We're doing a fall tour.

I miss it so much. I came up with a name the other day. I forgot for like big things. Our agent was like, he goes, I said two possible names. He goes, whoa. He was like, I usually hate when my clients tell me a name they have for a tour. And I like both of those. And I was like, thank you so much.

So we're really excited. But yeah, this new big daddy toy, big. mommy big pussy big big orgasm big oh yeah so we're really excited so just you know keep it in mind just get excited and save your money and we are at re-releasing some stuff it's been out of stock pretty soon so we're excited you can get that all at vibes only dot com I want to just like kind of say something a little bit more on like a serious note and then you know we'll get into how to spit on a dick but I just feel like I wanted to address like what's going on with women's rights right now I'd be like every day it's something new and horrifying with the, you know, conservatives, Republican Party.

And obviously it's tied into Trump as he's going to be the candidate. And as of now, this will be a few weeks from what happened in Alabama with IVF and with embryos and women scrambling who had done IVF. And, you know, people knew that was going to happen. You know, it was first they're going to come from abortion. They're going to dismantle Roe. And then it's going to be IVF. And then it's going to be birth control. and then it's going to be recreational sex. I mean, these real conservative people are like, women have one purpose in the world, and that's to like have babies and you shouldn't be having sex for pleasure. I mean, it's horrifying. I mean, birth control, the whole goal of this party and these people is to strip women of their rights,

their bodily autonomy, and their power. And that's the goal. So women are forced to rely on men, have more children, you know, be forced to stop working, working as much. And for a lot of families, stay in poverty. That's the goal. You know, like, I'm not making this up, right? Like, it's just like, it's become very apparent.

And I have always believed that there are really two things that it can break a poverty cycle, which are education and access to birth control. And they want to take those things away. I mean, the Venn diagram of red states and states that have these laws in place and states with the worst education systems is a circle. Like, you know, Alabama, when they did this whole thing with IVF, they also had just gotten rid of their, like, lunch program for a chance. children in need. You know what I mean? Like, they don't give a shit about human life, about kids. Like, they just, well, it's have the life. And then there's no trickle down policies on how do we support these lives. They don't care. They never have care. This is true handmade's tale. Like, come to life. Like, it's really, really terrifying. And then you really think about what

Donald Trump did with the last election. And like, this could be the end of our democracy. And I don't say that lightly. I'm not fearmongering. You know, like, we're watching it happen in real time. And people are like, we're sleepwalking. towards dictatorship. And that's not exaggerated. You know what I mean? And so much just stuff is completely unprecedented. And I did a call that I hadn't really talked about with the Biden administration about this. And we talked a lot about abortion. It was like the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. And we know there's tons of other issues. And we're going to get into this. We're going to address it. I know some of you guys don't like Biden. But the alternative is just

really, really terrifying for everybody, but for women. And, you know, I haven't spoken on this podcast about politics in a minute, but we're going to continue to talk about this. It's on my mind constantly, you know, sometimes I've got to take a little bit of a break, but it's what I'm consuming day to day on social media and then the news, whether I'm like posting about or not. And I can reference our abortion episode from June 2020. Everything kind of happened in June of 2022. And, you know, we're going to have some guests on and as we go into the election and we just want to speak candidly about this stuff. I mean, it's so important. It's so important for women. Yeah. And it is really a war on women. And you can also believe for yourself that you don't believe in abortion and these things,

but also not want other women to have this ability taken away from them. And then, you know, they have these children. And God forbid in this society, these children are gay, they're trans, they have disabilities. How are we supporting them? We're not. They're not. Women's right to abortion was taken away from us. It is happening. They're talking about birth control. Like, truly, like, this is in the cards for them. This is their plan. If this were to happen and we would go right into the Handmaids tale, which I hate to just keep referencing that. It's kind of the best reference I have. And it's a show that a lot of people have seen where women have really lost all their power and their autonomy.

Like that will happen. And then we would be like, yeah, the plan was in place. Everything had happened to lead up to this. No one is surprised. We can actually see this coming. That's why it's just got to be stopped. So you think that they would stop at abortion. Yeah.

But to take the leap to birth control, you're like, that's crazy. But it is happening. to take the least to IVF, I'm like, what does this even have to do with the right to abort? But that is happening also. No, it's every, like, you really, it's really, really insidious of just like, it's just to take all these rights and all these things away from women. Like, their intentions are so evil, truly. So, anyway, it's just on my mind constantly. And, you know, I used to be really, I don't want to say more outspoken, but I can't let it consume me all, all day every day. So I just kind of like, A lot of times I am just really informing myself and talking about it with friends and dinners and things like that and not necessarily on my platforms, which I don't, you know, it's important. It's an important year. We got it coming up. So don't think that we're not. We always used to, of course. During election years, we'll always talk about women's rights and the election. And we've had Elizabeth Warren on the show. We are really committed to just up uplifting voices that provide information. And Ashley and I aren't your main news source, you know, but we want to lift up women's voices and support them and help people to vote not against their own.

and interests, you know? Yeah. Okay. All right. Dick stuff. Let's roll right into sucking dick. Okay. We got this email, really caught our attention. Subject line, is there a sexy way to spit on a cock? Hey, ladies, love the pod. Thank you for doing the Lord's work. I love your advice on a recent hookup experience I had. I was making out with this guy while standing up and things started getting handsy. As I was jerking him off, he asked me to spit on his cock. I've never been asked this question from such a distance before, and I had no idea how to act. So she's standing up, jerking him off, and he's like spit on it. Okay, yes.

It took me a second, too. I was like, okay, she's standing. I have to get a visual logistically. He's like, get your spit down there. I've never been asked question from such a distance and had no idea how to act. Do I spit on his dick from a standing up position like guys do? What does she, if guys are spinning on each other's dicks that they're standing? No, like, that's so funny you interpret it that way.

I think she just means like I'm a guy standing spitting, you know. Oh, just like like like a hockaloo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what if I miss? Stop. She misses his dick. It just lands on his thigh. Do I bend over and politely spit on his dick?

How do you politely do it? Does a sexy way of doing this exist? SOS, teach a girl how to spit and polish. Not the polish. What? She's going to do a little like, re-wurt, re-wurt, re-wrot. Okay. From a standing up, like, are you allowed to get on your?

your knees? Are you allowed to spit in your hand and then put it on the dick? Okay. Again, I wasn't there. Again, you guys thought I was. In case you guys weren't clear, this is an email and not a first-hand experience. Yeah. I think he wants a blow job, right? I think, like, that's his way of being, can we move from hand job to blow job? Or maybe he means her hands a little dry and it would slide up and down his dick a little bit better if she moved it up. Yeah, love that tape. Hot take alert. And I do that sometimes when I'm like, jerking guys off, I'll spit in my hand and like get that. on their teeth. But I'll usually lick my hand. I'll get a lot of saliva on my tongue and then like deposit it. Yeah. On my, I'm not spitting like words like that long trail. No, no. I think he means like let's get this a little wetter.

Yeah, which we sell a great loop for that. I don't think anybody wants you to be fully standing and try to hit your mark. Right. Exactly. If you miss, that's insane. That's like what stuff you do when you're bored is a couple. You know. You don't know what to do.

on a Saturday. You've had a few mimosas at brunch. You're like, stand up. Stand up. You can hit my dick from standing. I love that she was like, do I bend over and politely do it? Also, if he is also standing, I feel like your target is swaying a little bit. Like, if he sits, you could probably spit out a little more easily from a standing position. I don't think he's asking you to try to hit the target.

I think he wants you to make his dick a little bit wetter. Yeah, and just big picture, just, is there a sexy way to spit on a cock? Like, let's remove her whole like, I'm standing, oh no, kind of situation. Like, in general, I don't think you need to worry about that. Just doing it in general is sexy enough. And in my experience, this is a great thing to do when you've been drinking a little bit. I mean, again, you know, all respect for people who don't drink. But if you're a person who's like, that's a little kinky to be spitting on someone's dick, this is just try it after you've been out drinking. Like, it'll

feel great. You know, this one, you have that naughty, dirty sex. And then you can incorporate that into your sober sex life. But I'm more of a slobber. My mouth's already on the dick. And I'm like letting saliva just like drip down their balls. But have you ever had someone ask? Spit on this dick? I'll probably put my mouth on it. I'll let the slober come down. I don't think that I have a lot of experiences where I'm spit.

Like the way the guy spits in your mouth like I like. Yeah. I don't think I'm spitting on a dick the way somebody spits in my mouth. I mean, if you specifically requested on the menu, I'll do it. Here's the thing. If a guy says spit on my deck, which, you know, I've been asked and just, literally anything you do will be hot. I guarantee, I mean, well, I don't know if you got a real flemy, like, maybe not.

But, like, I wouldn't get too in your head about it. Like, if they ask and you do it, that's mission accomplished hotness. You know what I mean? It's interesting you bring up drinking because I find that my mouth is little dehydrated when I'm drinking. So what I like, not to like hot our own products, but I like our suck and blow gel because it activates your saliva glands and just makes your mouth a little bit juicier. And if you guys don't know what that is, we have a flavored oral enhancer. We have different seasonal flavors.

But one drop of it makes my mouth salivate a little bit. And then I got a lot of juice in my mouth. I'll spit on your dick. Just spitting all day. I mean, that's so funny. Like, if a guy's like spit on my dick, you're like, how about this? Hold my beer. You go grab your vanilla frosting blow gel.

You're like, just you wait. But also to your point, is there a sexy way to do it? They've asked. So whatever you do will be sexy. Yeah. If you just spit on it, they're like, I just requested this and it happened. Well, and this is, you know, she said, what did she say? I was making out with a guy.

It doesn't sound like this is their boyfriend. I mean, this stuff to me is so funny. Like, when you are in a comfortable relationship with somebody, like, you do this drunk, you know, and then you're like the next day, he's like, babe, remember when you spit on my dick last night? It's type too fun. Yeah. And then you're like, yes, exactly, type too fun. If Raina talks about this, you could recap it the next day and get turned on. But then you can be like, well, did you like it?

Like, should I do more? Like, what did you like about the spitting? More force, less, more polite. Like, you know, these things are so funny to discuss as a couple and be like, tell me how to do it. better if you liked it, you know? Totally. So it is one of those things that feels a little weird in the moment. Then you can talk about it the next day. Turns me on the next dick and masturbate to it. Like, look how freaky I was that night. It is type too fun. Yeah.

Sometimes in the moment it's a little weird. So is there a way to stand up and spit on a dick from where I'm licking my hand standing? I am so dead to think that if she would have done it from standing and he would have been like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And she's like, you asked, you asshole. Don't gaslight me now. You said spit. I spit. What if it just like hit his knee? You just had like a wet knee. No, it's around on the floor. You have to like clean up your spit on the floor.

What if you had to walk around a bar with like a lugie on your knee? You should wait for it to dry. The bar. Are you picturing there in a bar? Well, I'm picturing not a place as a couch or a bed. That's funny. Thank you. His dick wasn't out at the bar.

No, it's funny that you pictured a public place. You think this is a bathroom? I pictured a single stall bathroom. Stop. That's where your mind goes with this email? Yeah, a place where you don't want to put your knees on the floor. There's no couch or bed available. I'm picturing some dude's apartment.

But you don't think you would just be like, let's move this to a place a little bit more comfortable for me. That is so funny. I wonder what everyone else was picturing when you saw this rain. It's like definitely the bar at Bua. That is what I was thinking. No, I was. I was saying Spring Lounge. The bar at Spring Lounge.

Doesn't even latch. You're just spitting on a dick and somebody opens the door. I don't know if we've ever shared this friendship story. But Spring Lounge in New York is just this divey place. And I think Spring Lounge was the first time I ever saw you. And then we did the dinner. How's the Melanie? I know.

I get confused. I'd have to run the tape. You were with a friend. You were with a couple. You were two friends. Yeah. But we go to this bar, whether it was the first or second time, Ray and I ever hung out back when we got back to the States, after we met on this trip.

And she walks in. She looks so cute. She was their best friend. And she's like looking around. She's like, where's my Cokehead X? He's usually here. And it was just so funny. You were scanning the room for your Cokehead X.

If you run into a Cokehead X. If you run into a bloated guy named Owen at Spring Lounge who's on too much Coke, he used to make me talk on his balls really hard. There's the tea. Okay. So I am just going to roll right into telling you guys about skims. I recently got some skims as a gift. I got some stuff. This is what we're talking about today.

But I always want to talk about how we really love this brand and to the point where, like, my boyfriend is gifting it to me. Yeah, but I recommended to your boyfriend. He was so excited. He followed up with me and was like, what do you? you think she would like? Like I saw they were dropping a new thing and you and I had been talking about it. And then he did not hear back from me and like doubled down like, um, hello, tap tap. So he just got me some stuff from the Valentine shop, which we're not really talking about today, but just like I don't really had any of the lingerie. So it was just like a little.

All their drops are so fun though. Yeah. And like this neon shirt. And yeah, so they're just great for whatever they do. But we have just been wearing skims forever. The bras are so, so incredible. So we had this photo shoot that we mentioned. And I pretty much wore the same bra for like everything. it just kind of went with everything. It's this wireless. I love a wireless because I don't need like too much support. It's their t-shirt demi bra. I'm so obsessed with it, but I love the push-up bras. Like they are my favorite push-up bras I've ever worn. What I've found before sometimes with, I don't know what it is about push-up bras that I've worn in the past, like they kind of cut into your skin a little bit. They leave you looking a little lumpy. You know, you have kind of like

weird bulges and stuff. Like they're just so smooth and seamless feeling. Like I wear them with like my skin tight like turtlenecks that I wear, like other skin type skim stuff. And like it looks Like I have a smooth silhouette. So they just do bras like nobody's business. I mean, the no show balconette bra. Oh, that's so sexy. That's the sexy, sexiest bra. Again, the fits every bitty, the t-shirt bra.

The fits every t-shirt with the underwire is my favorite bra. I sleep with it every night. So good. I sleep with the skims boy shorts and like the fits everybody bra every single night. It's my favorite thing. Yes. And so Raina loves that the standard t-shirt bra that has the wires, which I have that too, and I love it.

But this wireless form t-shirt demi bra, I'm like, so obsessed with. They have ones to have just like a more plunge. give you cleavage. And we can't recommend them enough. And the colorways, of course, you just have colors are great. Whatever, if you want to match your skin tone, you can, or if you want to have a little pop of color, you can. And so these are the best bras. Like, I just threw out of my other bras, like, anything that was kind of in the same vein. I was like, I'm never going to wear these again. Let me make the space for more skims. And of course, match them with your cute boy shorts and your panties and your thongs and all of that. But we're just kind of focusing on the bras today. But obviously,

just like, follow them. I mean, their campaigns, I can't even keep up. You know, everything they do is just so dope and we are such fans. But get on those bras, treat your titty's right. Shop skims bras at skims.com. Now available in 62 sizes, 30A to 46H. Plus get free shipping on orders over $75. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. The best way to learn a language is immersion, living where the language is spoken, using it every day. But if that is not in the cards for you this year, as it probably isn't for most. you can still learn a language the second best way, and that is with Babel.

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Really enjoying my life right now. I have an embarrassment of riches with reality television. We have Love is Blind, Vanderpump, and Summerhouse all on at the same time. I can't get enough of it. I can't believe this is happening. Love is Blind. The reunion comes out tomorrow or in two days or something. This week.

I woke up at 6 o'clock in the morning today. To watch new episodes. To watch new episodes. I was like, this might be one of my favorite episodes of all time. Of like love is blind. And I'm just, I keep wanting to hate on Vanderpump, but I can't stop watching it. I love Summerhouse. We're so happy it's back. I just, I'm really, I'm loving it. I'm living for it. And we'll try to get some people on the show, hopefully.

From all these shows. Yes. That's from all of them. Okay. So I wanted to talk about something. I am in a love triangle with me and Sparkle Love. Like a true love triangle. And I want to share the story. So over the holidays, like over Christmas time, I had seen a friend of mine who I love. And she knows this whole thing. She'd gotten this huge influencer. package from Wawa, which is pretty crazy because I feel like you have been really, listen, you tell your story, but you introduced me to Wawa and I think about it on the daily. No, that's the thing. I have been just giving free advertising for Wawa. I've lifelong allegiance, I've introduced so many people to it. I'll go out of my way on a road trip just to hit a Wawa. Yes.

Like, I've been this unpaid spokesperson for years, right? And if you guys don't know, it's like, you know, East Coast thing, convenience store slash gas station. Not every Wawa has gas. There are some standalones. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that actually. Growing up, like the one, our local one was no gas. So, and they just have great hoagies and now, apparently they have pizza. I haven't tried it. And they just, they're, it's amazing. It's a thing. You know, they sell merch and it's like a thing for people and, like, you know, Pennsylvania, Delaware and like beyond, whatever, the tricid area and beyond. They've expanded. So I saw her get this whole package. And basically, her fiance is from Pennsylvania. So they sent it when she was home with him. So there was a reason. They didn't like send it to her. She's from Chicago. We're like, whatever. It's Kate Stainberg. I don't care if you guys know this. Her and I talked about it. And her and chat, I told him all about it. And I just like saw red. I was like, I was like, I cannot believe this because they've snubbed me. And what they did to me was like two years ago, they asked her my address and they were like,

we love that you've been hyping us. And then they never sent me anything. And I was waiting, Raina. Like, I was really excited that they acknowledge me and my love for the brand. I love Wawa. Every time we take a road trip, we do so many Instagram stories, being there, ordering sandwiches. We promoted so heavily.

And I have bought the merch. Like, I've gotten it as gifts. Yeah, like I have the hoodie. I've worn it on a podcast. Like, I am out here just like promoting them constantly. And so when they asked my address and I just like waited around just like a kid waiting for like a package like waiting for daddy to come home and never comes. You know, just it was just like it's so sad. And then so to see her get all this stuff, it just like trigger me so hard.

And I was like, fuck then. And I just felt so mad. And so I went to Royal Farms, which is another convenience store slash gas station known for their fried chicken. Big on fried chicken. It's the first thing I ever ate on my way home with you. It's good. It's delicious. Yeah.

It's not. It's different than a Wawa Hogi. Different vibes. but I'd prefer Royal Farms for the fried chicken. And so the Royal Farms is closer to my parents' house. So I go there and I just had a great coffee experience. Their coffee bar is elite. They have it like fresh.

You push a little button like freshly grinds. I will say it's better. I like the experience better than Wawa. So I basically posted on Instagram and was like, I'm a Royal Farms girlie now. Like Wawa has snubbed me all in good fun. I didn't drag anybody. You know, like I tagged both of them. You know, like this is my jam.

Royal Farms right away. They're just like in my DMs. Thank you. Can we send you something? just like a sweet like you know they're on me right and i was like thank you so much whatever wah was in the dms too we're so sorry we want to make it up to you let us have your address and i'm like oh my god it's happening right so i was like but no they still have to work for it because you know full me once and so i get my royal farms package it was really cute i did an unboxing it was like a hoodie it was like a fried

chicken keychain it was like really nice whatever this came you know like weeks later nothing from Wawa. And at this point, right, in like six weeks since I asked my address. So I, like, knew it wasn't coming. And I'm like, why would you tour with my emotions like this? Like, this is the second time this happened. You've asked for my address. After all I've done for you. After all I've done for you. And like, so when I did my Royal Farms and Boxing, I like low key tagged Wawa. And again, in just a fun lighthearted way, like they've snubbed me twice now, you know, full me twice. I can't believe this is happening again. But anyway, here's Royal Farms. It's like, come to save the day. And I'm still like, oh, rural farms, girlie.

Wawa in the DMs again. We're so sorry. Oh, my God. We want to make it up to you. And I'm like, I can't. Please see the conversation above this where I gave you my address. Years now. We're years. So I also can't be clear enough. I don't need this swag. This is all in good fun. You know, right? Like just cluttering up our home. But it's the principal. Also, these are national chains. They'll be fine. Years. They'll be stringing me along. Right. So the package came for Wawa. Yeah. It is so over the top. It's a denim jacket.

It's this full set. There's like sandal slides. It's like, giant box of stuff. They're like, fuck her. Send her every set. They don't sell. Yeah.

On the merch shop. That's like only at the office. Yeah. They had to like break one of those glasses just to like get the stuff in there. But this is the most stereotypical love triangle. Wawa is such a fuck boy. This is exactly what a fuck boy would do. They also just gave you just enough.

for you to keep hanging on. You're like, well, I guess I have to like Wawa again. Yes. Like, I moved on from them. I found someone who loved me back. You mourned it. Who showed up for me, who was secure for me. And you know what? Wawa sniffed it out. Yes. You were happy. And they said, hi, can I ruin that for you? Well, I said, oh, wait, she's moved on. Let's do a grand gesture. Yeah. Hi, can I destroy that for you? Just classic fuck boy. Classic hoagie, classic fuck boy. So, listen, I can do have both. You know what I mean? from here on out, you know, I feel like they made up for it, even though we know their intentions were just like, you know, they waited until they thought they lost me and they tried to get me back. They sniffed out that you were happy. Royal Farms is the like securely attached boyfriend you want here in this situation.

But I don't have to commit to either. Like from here on out, I think it's like whatever's more convenient. I'm always going to go to Royal Farms to get that coffee when I'm at my parents and like I'm going to go to Wawa for a Hogi and I'm going to Royal Farms for my fried chicken. I can do both and support both. I'll get gas at both. Well, they don't have the same things at both. I can't order my double turkey on a wrap that they don't really use for sandwiches. I get extra meat and I'm taking the meat off.

Raina has walked around. She's basically in the kitchen with them to ask if she can have it on a wrap. They won't give you a wrap. Some of them are like we can't. They do, though. Oh, 90% of the time they do it for me because they make burritos. They have it back there. They have the rap.

So if you guys have never been to a Wawa, which I grew up in Pittsburgh, we don't have that there. We had sheets. But like you walk up to the screen and you order from the screen and like it's not an option with a sandwich to get it on a wrap, but they have burritos. They have them right next to the bread. And so they will do it. You just have to ask. And then the one time I got into a fight with them, the woman was like, we can't account for it financially. And I was like, what does that mean?

And she's like, we have strict inventory of everything behind the counter. And if we give you the bread, there's no way for us to count for the fact that we gave a tortilla away. And I was like, charge me for the pack of tortillas. The whole pack. Just like whatever you need to do, I'll pay the $4 for the pack or the 10 cents for the tortilla. Whatever you need to charge me, I will pay for this. And she really was like policies, policy. She's the only person that gives me a hard time.

It was once. Sometimes I got to catch them. I'm like, hi, excuse me? Royal farms would never. Double me. You want this fried chicken on her up? Yes. There's a rural farm is very close to my brother's house and my parents' house.

So it is a sign and it's very convenient. And I love their coffee bar. They have better creamers. But when I pay for that coffee, right, it's like $1.10 or something. where you can't get a coffee in L.A. or got New York for like under like 350 for just a black coffee, you know, a small black coffee. Definitely. So it's just, I feel like I'm going back in time when I get that dollar coffee. And it's good. I know you could have anything for a dollar. I know. Did you know you get a piece of gum for a dollar? So this is my love triangle and it's just very funny. Like I really have them where I want them. You know, they both are vying for me. And I'm going to support both. All right. Well, thank you for breaking your silence on your love triangle.

You text me that you're in a love triangle And you sent me a Wawa photo And I was like, I don't know what she's talking about I set you photo that like denim jacket I want to see it on you Watch YouTube Will you put on YouTube? I was planning on doing the unboxing soon

And so I'll just kind of put that video on YouTube So if you guys missed it on my Instagram Just watch YouTube It's got the little bird I can't believe it I cannot believe this ain't even denim jacket You're gonna die when you see this set I cannot wait to see the set in the slides

Oh you know what the slides don't even fit me They're small six and a half to seven So I'll take a-huh Yeah. Oh my god, yay. I should check my shoe size. Rural Farms would have. Yes.

That's so typical of a fuck boy too. Gets you something in another woman's size. They're just like, that's what was available. I feel like I'm sure she's just small. Anyway. That's so funny to send people stuff that's very size dependent and not ass. I feel like you could look at my Instagram and be like that bitch has big feet. She's not a size six.

Yeah. Totally. You look at me and you're like, give her a five. That's a tall bitch with big feet. Like I feel like I give that energy. I would give you a nine. Yeah. What do you wear?

Eight? I'm a nine. Nine a half. Okay. Yeah. I think I should know your sizes. I do a nine sometimes. I do a ten sometimes.

These are nines. Ugs nines. Okay. Anything like fancy, like lubiton, Jimmy Chu, Stuart Whitesman, like bigger sizes. They run so small.

I'm like a 46 in Libon. I bought a pair of lubitans. Like we first started touring. I was like, I'm going to sit on stage with these like red bottoms. I have never been more proud of something that I hated

wearing more in my time. They were tough. I put them on eBay. I just like couldn't wear them. They made me feel like I was going to be sick when I was walking in them. They are made for like tiny, feet, but like I have a slender foot, but I still have to like size up by like two sizes.

There are videos on YouTube about how to fit into a pair of loophon. Yeah. 800 pairs of shoes who you're supposed to put on a sock, slip your foot into the lupiton, and blow dry the leather until it expands. That is unhinged. For $800, you needed to do that for me. Yes. For close to a grand, you're like, got to get out my blow dryer and blow dry my heels.

No. So humiliating. Okay, well, we are going to get into it with Eli, but I'm just going to tell you guys about Daily Harvest. I had my smoothie this morning. I had a Dayton almond smoothie this morning, and I have a smoothie most mornings. We love daily harvest so much, and the grain bowls are so, so good. I have been loving this Shokshuka grain bowl. If you guys know, you know that I one time made it. I was so excited to eat it and I spilled it outside. So ever since I've gotten some replacements, and I've really been enjoying that. And we just love this. I mean, there's no gluten or

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really simple. Do you like a firm mattress? Do you like soft? Do you like memory foam? What part of your body do you sleep on front, side? Do you sleep with other people? They've stuff that's good for big and tall, stuff that's good for kids. So a lot to choose from, but it really does just take two minutes. And I love the delivery experience. It just comes in a box, delivered to your house. Really simple. Just open that box. Boom. You got a mattress. It is something that I miss so much when I like go to my parents' house or we're in a hotel. I'm just like, I really miss that Helix mattress. I love the pillows so much. It just makes my night's sleep so good. I sleep a solid eight hours every night, never miss a full eight hours. I sleep so well. I'm so

excited to move and I'm getting all my stuff from New York. So I'm getting my queen bed, which was the moonlight lux that I'll have in my guest room. And I have guests coming the very first weekend. Jenny and Karen are coming. They're sleeping. Oh, yeah, for a lot. Well, second weekend after I move. And then I have my midnight lux king in my room. And then I have a little loft where I have like a little twin day bed up there. And that is the midnight regular. So three helix house. And Tessa has the. He looks now. Her and I both have the dusk. I like to switch it up.

I sleep on my back sometimes. Sometimes my front. You know, yeah, I was a back sleeper, but I've really been on my side. I had kind of like a back issue that my brother, who's like Loki, a doctor, diagnosed. And he was like, I think you should be sleeping on your side. So I really have been. And like those pillows just game changer. And everybody just sleeps so differently.

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Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helix sleep.com slash GGE and use code Helix Partner 20. This is their best offer with Helix Better Sleep starts now. Okay. Okay. We are very excited to welcome our guests today. She is a multifaceted creator, writer, TikTok star, and podcast host of the show Miss Congeniality. She has been hailed as Gen Z's Carrie Bradshaw by the New York Post and has been featured in Forbes, the Today Show, Good Morning America, Cosmo, and more.

Her debut book, I didn't know I needed this. The new rules for flirting, feeling, and finding yourself is out now. Please welcome a proud cancer sign, Eli Rallo. I'm such a proud cancer sign. I threw that in. So listen, I want to take some credit. Raina does the intros, but I made notes for her. It's Ashley's first intro. Yeah.

I made some notes. And I was just like you, like we talked about it when I did your podcast. Yeah. You're the most proud. No, I love it. And I think about you every time I see those things, like the signs as whatever. And cancer gets like absolutely shafted. I'm like, Ashley's probably somewhere crying.

Like, somewhere crying. It's one of the most like viral things we ever talked about in the podcast. So many years ago. Yeah. Cancer, like napkins. Desani. Yeah. Desani.

Just the cross. of the pie. It's like so embarrassing, but they're jealous. They're jealous. They're jealous. We have just so much to us. So dimensional. So emotional. Yeah. What are you? You're tourists. I'm a Gemini. I'm a just really like a couple weeks behind Ashley. She's my first like cancer best friend. Really? Yeah. I I gravitude towards Aries, Virgoes and Gemini's. I love Gemini women. I think that's the best sign. Like the most powerful, fierce, kind of like brave and also like they're not afraid to say things. And I always need like people who aren't afraid to like be confrontational in my life. So I love a I don't think I'm confrontational, but I try to be.

You're trying to get better about it. I'm working on that part of myself. Some people are like, I hate confrontation. I'm like, I'm trying to actually be more confidential. You're like, I'm actually, I want to be confrontational. I run towards it. Well, Ashley's teaching me to be better. Yeah, you must have some like air or fire sign in you if that's like, you're alive.

I can't remember how much we talked about our full birth chart, but like I'm cancer sun, cancer moon, Scorpio rising. Oh, it must be that little Scorpio. So much emotion. Yeah, there's so much emotion. there though. But what are you again? I'm Cancer Sun, Cancer Moon, Sadd Rising. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. But then the rest of my chart is all cancer. So it's like very emotional. You sound really L.A. You're from New York, but you sound like you're really part of the L.A. culture. In a good way. Yeah. Like, oh, my God. I love it. I mean, until I moved out here,

I didn't like talk about this stuff as much. It's very like L.A. and you're here and you're here and you're here you're doing a book tour and you're wrapping up your book tour. Yes. I love visiting L.A. I don't know if I could live here. Like you guys inspire me though. Like watching your journey of moving here and being like, oh my God, we are so glad we moved here. Like I felt like it was 50-50 when I was listening to you guys talk about that. I was like, are they going to like it or are they going to miss New York? But like I love that you guys love it here. I mean, I hated L.A. in my 20s and then even probably early 30s. Like it took a while to come around to it and then I've started to love it and then I forced Rana to love it and now she might even love it more. Can you imagine if you

both didn't like it though. Like it needed to come together at the same time. It really did. But you just like, I feel like it would be really hard to move here in your young 20s. Yeah. We've heard it's really hard to make friends. Like, I don't think it'd be fun to be here, like, cheap. You know, like, it's like New York.

You can just, like, live cheap. 100%. And it would be fun. Yeah. And like a really fun life. I mean, yeah. It's isolating here. You know, if you don't, like, have friends already.

But I really miss New York. I've been missing it so much. I said, Ashley, I want to go back as soon as possible. Oh, my God. actually. Yeah. Not move back, but just visit, visit. Well, anyway. Okay. So I first heard of you because people would send us your list that you included girls got to eat on. Oh my God. Yeah. So like years ago, you would just do list of kind of like, I mean, I feel like they've taken off now with what's in and out, what's hot or not. But you would just kind of be like, what would be like this is what to do this week?

Yeah, it would be like rules for this week. Like ways to elevate your life and just make your life a little bit better. And I'd always include like podcasts. I feel like having a podcast that you listen to every week. is like something to look forward to. And I feel like people forget so much. Like having something to look forward to you like makes life worth living. And I always like loved Mondays because I'm like, oh, I know that I'm getting GGE. Like I know that I'm going to listen to it. I've been listening to it since college.

And so like that was like such a huge part of like my life that I wanted to share that with other people. And then I found out like so many other people either listened to it or like I started listening because of you like now I'm obsessed with them. And I'm like, of course you are. They're the best. Oh, thank you. It's so nice.

And we'll talk about that more because I know that's a big part of your book is like little ways to treat yourself and like love your life and I feel like no one talks about this enough. Like you really need to like get excited about little things in your life. It's like what keeps us going. 100%. Otherwise I just like would get into like such long funks or like depressive periods because I'm like I have nothing to look forward to like I'm like I'm just like sitting here. I don't know. And then I was like, okay, I need to like get out of this. And now I'm like I literally embrace every single day. Like I'm obsessed with like getting my coffee. I'm obsessed with like every moment. Like I love to like live life to the fullest. I'm like, am I toxic positivity? I don't

I'm like such a joy. Yeah, I'm like, am I the problem? Like, am I the problem? Like, too happy? Yeah, I'm like, such a joyful person now. I just picture like skipping out. Like, I'm like, I'm like coffee. That's like literally me like I'm so excited about life.

Like I just love it. And so it's been fun to like share that with my audience and like, I don't know, bring people together on like the basis of just like having more fun. I want to unpack that. I do want to talk about the motivation for writing the book because I think you speak about it so well. But can we talk about how you became so happy to do everything? Yeah.

I think I just. I think that I just like, how? Are you happy? I think I realized like over COVID and then like I was living in New York City going to grad school like during the pandemic. Like I moved in like July 2020. So it was like pandemic times. And I was just like in such a bad period of my life.

Like I'd been single for like a few years, but I was always like an extreme serial dater. And I was trying to like force myself to like do all these like Zoom dates like meet people like trying to like get into a relationship like create this like perfect adult life that I thought that I was like supposed to become because I would even like look at. of people like you guys and be like, oh, they're adults, but I'm not. Like, even though I'm like 22, like, and I'm like a technically illegal adult and I live on my own in the main grad school, like I didn't ever feel like one. I was like, how can I like, I don't know, push myself to be

better? And I always felt like I was so like hypercritical. And then one day I kind of realized that like I was the one like creating my own misery. Like I was creating like all of the energy that was making me miserable from like putting pressure on myself, like to go on dates and like meet someone like oh you have to be in a relationship you have to have this perfect job like all of these things like that was all coming from me so in the same way that i created misery like i could also create joy and like why not just like choose to do the things i wanted to do whether that was like notice how i felt after hanging out with certain people like do i like do i like me do i want to keep seeing them or like do i want to be actively dating do i not want to be actively dating like do i want to go out tonight

like what do i actually want to be doing and i feel like that seems so obvious but it's actually like not Like we forget about it. I think so many people forget to like check in with themselves and say like, I created this narrative. Yeah. I can change the story. It's not obvious at all. People have whole families without thinking if they wanted them or not.

Yeah. No, seriously. Seriously. People do all this shit that they think they're supposed to do. Yeah. And they're like, oh, if I do it, I'll feel good. But it's like, no, the only way you're going to feel good is if you do what you actually want to do.

Right. And for so long I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do. And like, partially even going to grad school was that. And I don't regret it because I met like my best friends. and like it was the right stepping stone. But like that was all because I was like, oh, this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to be this like serious adult person that like gets a degree and does whatever. And then I like wasn't happy.

And it was like, well, I chose this for myself. You can not do your choice. Yeah. I bet you see that a lot with people in grad school. Like I just, I don't know what else to do. Yeah. Not saying that was your story. No, it kind of was.

It kind of was because I was a theater student in college. I really wanted to be like a writer my whole life. But like how do you just like write books? I didn't know. Nobody has an answer. And so I was like, oh, I'm going to start. study theater. I'll study playwriting and producing. I'll be a producer. And I hated it. It wasn't creative and like, again, you have to be so confrontational and assertive. I'm just not that way.

Producing, especially on Broadway's like all straight white men, which is crazy because people think of theater as like so diverse. It's like everybody at the top. It's like the same as the top anywhere else. I just didn't like it. And it was my senior year. So I was like, what the fuck do I do? I just want to be a writer. Like I want to write fiction, nonfiction, poetry plays. But I was like, what is the path? And so I was like, oh, I should get my master's in journalism. Because then at least I'll still be writing. So that was like the point A to point B, but it really was like, I don't know what else to do. And then I couldn't get a job. COVID happened. And I had already gotten into Columbia. So I was like, I'm just going to go and figured out. And yeah, I feel like mixed

feelings about it because again, I met like some of my best friends in my life and it challenged me. But also like I took out loans for it and that was really expensive. And then I was like in debt during COVID without a job like after graduating. It was just like, you know, I have complicated feelings about that choice. And I feel like a lot of people choose grad school because they're like, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I wasn't ready for the world after college. If I had gotten to an Ivy League master's program, I probably would have done that. I was like, yeah, I'm going to go there. And then it was like imposter syndrome. Like, it was like a crazy time. I almost feel like I blacked out for the whole time. It was like an eight month program. I don't even remember it. What happened? I don't know.

So then kind of like short story for people who may not know as to how you got to where you are today. I mean, what blew you up on TikTok? I mean, like how that trajectory. Yeah. So I was a 2020 graduate of college. So like I was supposed to graduate college. And then one day in March they were like leave. And we were like, okay. So my brother and I like packed up our houses and like drove all the way home. And at that point I had gotten into Columbia like three days before the world shut down. So I didn't even know like if I was going to go or not.

Like world shutting down all these choices. I get home. I decide like to commit to going. And my parents own restaurants. So we were working the entire pandemic because they were open. So it was like 10 people per restaurant like masked up like curbside pickup all that shit. Yeah. And we would get home after a long day and just want to like fuck around and like.

open wine and like watch movies or whatever and one day we were just like screwing around on TikTok and I uploaded a video of like this family viral snack jar that we had that like everybody in the town like everyone knew about it like everyone in my life. No seriously everybody in my life. I love that. I like grew up in such a small town like people would just come over and be like taking a cup and like scooping out of it. Stop.

I love this. And so we filled it up and I like accidentally posted it on public like and that sounds like such a dumb story but I was always making TikToks and putting them on private so that my friends could like see them. I would make like videos of college or whatever. So I made that video meant to put it on friends only so they would see it because it was like funny. But I put it on public. It like blew up. And then the next day people were like, what is this? So I made like a really funny video explaining it that blew up. So I ran with it for like a few months. But then when I moved to New York, I made a video being like, hi guys. Like I'm leaving the jar at home. Like I'm moving to New York.

Like I don't know if you guys give a fuck about me. But like I actually love doing this. So if you want to stay like stay. And I actually got like more followers from that video. which is a very 2020 story, like, of people blowing up on TikTok. It was a different time for TikTok and, like, people, like, growing on TikTok. And it was, like, such a special moment. And I went to New York and started making all sorts of other content. But I never really took it seriously until I was, like, working my 9-5 post graduating from Columbia. I still think it's relatable.

I think so many people are like, should I put this out into the world? It's embarrassing. Or maybe it's stupid. It's like, see people like it. People really liked it. You don't know people are going to gravitate towards latch onto. And it seems like it brought you a lot of joy. Yeah, it was like a fun thing.

Like it was like a, I don't know, everybody has that thing they were doing during the pandemic, whether it was like some workout they discovered or like a show that they watched that they were like so like enmeshed with almost. That was like this for my family. Like we were laughing about it thought it thought it was so funny that was going viral. Like we never would have thought though that it would have been this now. Like it's kind of a weird pipeline. But it's, I'm glad that you also didn't feel beholden to do it because this is what people, it's the biggest complaint of going viral for something that they have to do forever. You know, like they're like, I have to do this forever. I'll lose all my followers. and you were just like, I'm going to just not do the jar, but I'm going to do this other stuff. And I hope you guys stick around. And people were like, okay. I'll see what else. She'll put now. Let's pick it up.

And then like, it was really funny because like I had 100,000 followers on TikTok when I left and moved to New York. And then by the time I graduated like a year later, I was like around 200,000. So it wasn't like a ton of growth, but like there was growth. And then I started doing the lists. And that was like 200 to 400 overnight. Like I've never seen something happen so fast. That was like crazy.

And around that time, people were like, oh, my God, you were the girl with the jar. People had lost me for a bit. Yeah. Like, the plot was gone. And then I, like, came back to them through the lists. And it's interesting because I feel like every era that I've had on TikTok, I've gotten, like, some new friends. And it's fun. It, like, builds a really diverse and interesting community of people.

I just think people, not that this is going to be relatable to everybody, but I just think people who need to hear this, who are creators who think they have to stay in this one lane forever. Like, it's just, it's not fair. And you don't have to when you might loosen people along the way. but like why would you not do what you want to do what's authentic to you like we have a friend who I'm not going to like put her on blast but she's like caught in this like this is her lane and everybody wants more more more that's what they come to expect and she's like I want to do this like other thing but like I know it'll just tank and I'm like what's the alternative you got to do this thing forever and she's so cool and fun and I'm like I want to see every facet of your

life right now like people will come eventually like it might not be immediate but anyway I have a question for you and then I want to like maybe like we're specific types of lists really like hot button type like what do people gravitate towards and did that lead you to writing the book? Yeah. So the thing that people gravitated toward at first was like I did rules for every day of the week. So the first one ever was like rules for brunch and that one did decently well. And then I did rules for a first date and that one was incredibly viral. And then I did rules for a Sunday and that one was so viral that I did Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And then those ones like then I just like was

the next and next next. But it's crazy like I don't forget about them. Obviously they're like my lifeline literally, but I was doing them. That was October 2021. And that was around the time I left my nine to five. I signed my book deal in January 2021 because my literary agents saw the lists. And then they saw the substack blog that I was writing of personal essays. And they were like, this needs to be a book. And I like took a break from posting lists for a while, was posting other content about writing my book, whatever. Every time I like come back to the lists and I do them again, it just brings them to a whole new side of TikTok. And like, that's a lot of times how I see like my biggest growth jumps. Like I have to take long breaks in between or else like it's, you know,

oversaturated. But I think like a year later in October 2020, I did it again, like brought back the days of the week. And that was like another 100,000 new friends. And I think, you know, I'll probably do it again soon. I always like bring back certain lists like first date or rules for getting out of a funk, like ones that I think a lot of people might resonate with. And yeah, that definitely did lead to the book. Okay. I don't want to harp too much on like social media and stuff, but I think especially Gen Z and people are trying to find their voice and what they want to do in the world, whether it's on the internet or not, I think you've done such a great job of staying authentic to yourself and for lack of like a better phrase, like blocking out the haters, you know, and you've posted about it too. Like you've done a really good job of both of those things and do you have tips for that? Because I think there's this comparison. I mean, everybody just gets caught up and like comparing themselves what everyone else is doing, listening to the critics. Yeah, you know, I think it's like a mixed bag with the haters. And like I think it's too. separate things, you know. Totally. Yeah, I feel like if you want to post online, you just have to like almost get over yourself a little bit that like people are going to talk about you.

But the reason that anyone is talking about you, so long as you're not being like a big it or doing something like problematic. Like if you're a good person and kind-hearted person, like the reason that people are going to talk shit is because they wish they could be as brave to like let down their guard and like do something creative or put themselves out there and they can't. So they internalize that and they dislike you. And a lot of times it's like other women, which just like makes me sad. So I always try to look at it with like almost pity. Like I feel kind of bad for you that that's how you're spending your day and your energy. I agree. Yeah. And I just think that in terms of the haters, you know, like sometimes it is hard. And like I've gone through periods where I'm like,

I don't know if I can do this. Like because I'm just like anyone who knows me, I'm very friendly, like kind. I'm trying my best, putting my best foot forward. Like for that many people to like hate you is such like a feeling nobody should experience. I'm like psychologically not normal. Right. Not a best are trained to experience something like. To deal with that. And I think though, like what's really, really helped is that, like, my people in my life have been my people for the longest time. Like, I have a really good family. I have a very loving and caring boyfriend who's been a part of this, like, every step

of the way. And, like, those people know me. And even though, like, my internet persona is as authentic and real as possible, like, I know myself and, like, I know that I'm doing my best. I know I'm a good person. And then the people in my life know I'm a good person. And that also keeps me grounded. Like, I've obviously gained new friends.

I've never lost any of my friends that I had when I started all of this. And that community helps so much. I feel like sometimes you can get caught up. Like if all of your friends are like people that are doing this kind of stuff. And then all you talk about is like the haters and the drama and the tea. Like it kind of weighs on me. I'm like I, you know, I need to have those people that have like been my backbone and my lifeline this whole time.

I totally agree. And we're really lucky. We don't get like a lot of hate online. Our audience is really so kind. But like I used to like read one comment. It would like ruin my day and it'd be so set. And I've had to remind me. myself, like, I didn't know this person three minutes ago. So why am I letting somebody who chose

to spend their day tearing me down, ruin my day? Exactly. You know? Exactly. Or, like, I don't know, I think on TikTok, too, like the trolls are just, it's nasty. It's really bad for content creators. Like, I don't even know why. And I think what I've realized, though, is TikTok is like an anyone can platform. And because of that, the jealousy, like, runs rampant because people see, like, regular, de regular college kids or whatever, just people blowing up overnight. And they really, can see themselves in those people. So the jealousy is higher than like an Instagram baddy model where it's like you can't see yourself in her.

Yeah. I mean, and that's something that Rain and I didn't grow up with. Like that wasn't like a thing. Like there were no regular people that just got to get famous overnight. Like it was just like, no, these people are, you know, child actors and they go on to whatever. Like a kid from Smyrna Delaware doesn't even, this isn't within her realm. So it's like it makes you view it completely differently.

100%. It's not attainable. I'm so grateful. And like, ultimately, I try. try to focus on the positive over the negative because it's like 0.01% of the people are like haters, you know? And then like the comparison thing, do you just kind of like stay the course and like keep your blinders on and just do what is authentic to you? Yeah. You know, I think like I still struggle with that to be honest, like on a day to day because it's like I have chosen this like life where I'm

juggling like being a creator but also like being an author and like having my podcast. Like sometimes I feel like I'm not a good enough creator and I'll like look at creators and be like I'm not doing a good enough job. I'm not like going on brand trips or like posting enough PR like getting enough brand deals or going to events and then I'll look at like my author friends and like writer community and be like I'm not writing enough I'm not like going to enough retreats I'm not like doing enough there but then I have to remind myself that like this is such a unique position to be in one that I like built myself that I'm like so proud of and grateful for and like there's no one right way to be me or to do it and I think I've also been using the mute

button a little bit like whenever I can't recommend it yeah I didn't even like think about using it and then I just started to be like oh I don't I can't unfollow this person for like reasons of like social whatever etiquette but I don't really need to see their content, nor would I, like, follow it. Did we not know each other in person? And I just mute, and it makes me feel so much better. They cease to exist. I ceased to exist. You like, I muted somebody and I was like, I thought to myself, I was like, God, she must be not doing well. And then I'm like, no, she is doing great. Still, I just haven't seen it. And it's also no shade to those people. Like, I mean, it's actually the opposite. I mute people sometimes was like, I can't see this.

It makes me feel bad about myself. Yeah. And it's like not their fault. I just don't want to be around it. And like, you do you, I'm going to do me kind of vibes. During COVID, I unfollowed a ton of, like, and influencers because I was like, I don't need this content. But I muted a friend, not a close friend, an acquaintance far as the other day. And it just was making me feel kind of a certain way about myself. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, she did do anything wrong.

She's great. Yeah. I look at it and I'm like, I don't need this energy right now. No, normalize the mute. It's a good. Totally. It's a great feature. Okay.

So the list about dating went viral, crazy. People loved it. And you've written this book. And I love that the book is about friendship and the relationships you have you with yourself and taking a break after a breakup. but also a lot of like first date early stages stuff so let's talk about why you wrote the book oh my gosh yes i think you know this is like a cheesy thing to say and like definitely like a way that we like push the book and like a marketing way but this is really like what i wished i had when i was like 18 to 23

i feel like i spent so much time relying on like mail validation and affirmation i was such a serial dater i viewed dating in such like a heteronormative way i couldn't break out of that and like i could listen to like my mom give me advice or anyone tell me anything and i'd still just like crave and like need that validation and affirmation. And like now I look back on that person and like I don't regret my decisions, but I just wish that I had like my now brain. Like I could be like, oh, we don't do that or like you don't tolerate that or put up with that behavior. And I feel like I was like, again, miserable for so much of that time. And I was like choosing my own misery. So I wanted to really write it in order to like show people how to elevate

their life in tangible and accessible ways, but especially through the lens of relationships. because I feel like this time in our lives, like from the time that you're in college to like early 20s postgrad, like relationships, it feels so fraught, whether it's dating or whether you're in a serious romantic relationship or going through a breakup or a friendship or just like so much is changing around you and your relationship to yourself changes. And I like also just wanted to normalize that conversation because I didn't hear enough people like talking about that kind of stuff. I was like, I just want to talk about this. And I want to make people feel less alone or maybe learn something or just laugh and feel a little bit. better about their day to day because it is so like just a weird time. Yeah. We think about that all the time. Like we didn't have any of the shit when we were like navigating. Oh my God. Like the our 20s. And then we're just in this weird echo chamber with our friends giving each other

terrible advice. No, seriously. Yeah. I don't know. I didn't have like an older friend to even tell me what to do. No, I had no one telling me what to do. And my friends were just like block him. And like obviously it wasn't going to do that. And Cosmo's like how to suck a dick better. That's like all they cared about. Yeah. Seriously. I'm like reading. that. I'm like, oh, this will win him back. Like, I'm going to get my ex back. Like, I was just so, I had, like, such a terrible track record with, like, just letting people walk all over me. And I had a terrible ex that I went back to, like, actually a million times that I would have literally died for this man. And he did not give a fuck about me. Like, not a fuck. And, like, it's so obvious now. But then I

thought that there were so many things I could do to win him back. And it's like, bitch, he broke up with you, bitch. And now he's having sex with you every weekend because you are giving that to him. And you're saying like, you can have me. Totally. We have friends that still do it. Yeah. They're 40s. You talked about this. I had Nick Files' podcast. I was listening to you this morning, but I'm sure you talk about it in the book as well, about how you, and it goes to your story, like, you didn't stop to say to yourself, like, do I like this? Do I enjoy this? How am I showing up in this experience? Like, how does this person make me feel? Can you, like, speak about that a little bit? Sure. I think I was like almost like more comfortable avoiding the conversation of do I like myself.

Like I almost like loathed myself so much that I didn't even want to face like getting to know myself. Instead I would let like other people's perceptions of me like shape who I was. And so like it was like a lifeline. Like I needed that validation. So going on a date or going out was never about like, oh, do I like this person? And did that make me feel good? And did I enjoy that? It was more about like, am I going to come out of this advantage?

Like is he going to like me and like want me? And like, okay, that means I'm worthy. If I have his validation and affirmation, even if it's just like that brief ego boost, I can avoid for longer time, like, dealing with my own demons and, like, getting to know myself. And I think, like, I realized, I don't know, after I took my, like, long dating break that I talk about in the first chapter of the book, I, like, decided to, like, take a break and not actively date at all. And then the first date that I had back actually was this older guy and the situation where I could tell that he was, like, doing everything in his power to keep us casual. And he was also

being pretty honest about it. But he was, like, older and mature. And so, like, he was nice about it. but that's not what I wanted. Like, I wanted a relationship. And that was the first time that, like, he told me, like, I'm actually just like, I've never dated someone this young because I was like 22 and he was 31. So he was like, I've never dated someone this young. I just cut out of an eight year long relationship. Like, I'm not looking for anything.

And that was the first time I was like, okay, then we should just stop. And, like, I remember like that feeling, like leaving his apartment, like going in the subway and being like, I literally just did that. Like, so empowering. I know. I love it. Instead of being like. Instead of being like, I want to win.

by getting you to like me. Yeah, instead of being like, okay, me either. Like, we want the same thing. It's great. Like, I'll just stay here and we'll continue to do this thing where we get sugarfish and watch music videos and like hook up. Like I didn't want that though. He was great, but like he was honest with me.

And that was the first time that I was like, no, like, what do you want? And I remember feeling like, whoa, okay, that's possible. And I also like don't feel bad. Like, I thought I was going to be like crushed and upset. I was definitely disappointed because he was awesome and smart and like hot and whatever. But I was like, wait, I just like freed myself up to find, what I actually want. It was such like a weird realization again seems obvious, but it's like not. I mean, I also just love those wins for yourself when you actually take a moment to be like,

this is growth. As corny as that might sound, like, I am learning, I'm growing. I did this thing that I couldn't have imagined doing a year ago even and like really celebrating those wins. I don't know if you guys like felt this way, but I'm 25 and I feel like whenever I turn 25, prefrontal cortex like developed. Like I just started like, whenever Kylie Jen, was like, I'm just realizing things this year. I'm like, no, me too. Like, I really am. Tess is enthrink. She's like, wait, when?

Yeah. I feel like like a fog cleared over my head, which is like bad and good because I feel like I realize too many things now. But also, I remember like so long in like college and like early 20s being like growth, like growth, like growth. Like what was I growth? Like what was I doing for said growth? Like you can't just say like, oh, this is growth. You actually have to like fucking work on yourself for there to be growth.

And I remember turning 25 and like realizing that I had been like actually working on growing for the first time. Opposed to being like growth. And then there's like no growth. Like the growth is not in the room with us. Right. Like the actions matter. Yeah. That's actually like show that there's growth.

Also I don't want to like shit on 22 year olds. Like you have to like live the life to learn the lessons sometimes. You know like you can say to yourself like I want to be better. It's like but you haven't lived any life yet. Yeah. I thought I knew. Not that you are. I just.

I don't want to. When I was 22, I thought I knew like literally everything. I thought when I was 16. and I was like, I could live on my own. Yeah, no. In college, I know your jeans. Yeah. It's like, no, you can't.

Like, I don't even know how money works. You know, you're just like, you look at your parents and you know everything. You even know how the world works? No, I do. You're looking at your parents, like, you guys are pathetic. You know, you're just like, I should be. No, seriously. I should run the household.

No, seriously. That's, like, exactly how you feel at 16 and you kind of ride that wave. Like, college is a scary place because every person there thinks that way. They're like, I could fucking run this shit. And I'm like, I'm scared of you. Like, literally I'm scared of you. of you. Right. I like went to college in like my first apartment. They were like rents like $265.

I was like a year? Like I had no concept. I was like, oh my god, that's a lot. Wait, every month I have to pay that? Are you for real? Mom? Did you know this? Did you know this is how things worked? Sorry, also being a mom is probably so stressful because you have to sit there and not like be an ass to your kids when they're like

fuck you, mom, I know everything. And it's like. Pump them across the room. I know. She's like, no, you don't. But she's also been there, so, like, she can't be like, no, you don't. Yeah. Parents, like, dedicate their lives, too. They plan all these special things. And you're just like, this is so stupid. You're like, I watch one TikTok video that says you're stupid. And I know better. And now I know better. So we do want to talk about some of the dating stuff in the book. But you are in a relationship now. Yes. For how long? Like three years. Three years. Okay. And then we asked what people wanted to ask you on our Instagram and people wanted to hear about manifesting your partner. And I know that you like speak on that too. So we just want to hear how this happened. Do you guys like manifesting? Are you like manifesting girlies? I feel like you do. Well, yeah. So people say that, I mean, I feel like I did that with my now partner. Like I said the first episode of 2020, that I was like this is the year I'm finding a partner. I did like a terror reading. And I really just like put it out into the universe. And it just like really did happen. So I feel like a example of that completely and really believe in it. I think you can call it whatever you want. But it's making a decision about like how I want to see my life and only making.

decisions later that satisfy like that decision you've made earlier like if you want to find a husband then you don't date guys that are just don't want relationships like you said you left that place and you just went to the subway and you're like he doesn't want a relationship that's fine with me like and you pivoted and to me like that is manifesting because you just you put out into the world this is what I want this is the goal and you stick to the goal yeah I think people like over complicate manifesting that's exactly what it is to me it's really like me believing that future me has what current me wants so current me has to work to get what future me has and just be positive and like I'm very big on law of attraction like what you put out is what you'll get in return. So after I took like my big dating

break and I wanted to get back into dating and I started dating that guy, then I was like, okay, I'm actually going to like, I saw TikTok. I like watched a video. I was like I'm going to like learn how to manifest. And basically it was like write down like exactly what you want, be hyper specific, just write it on a piece of paper and then keep that piece of paper. And I did that. And then the other part is like believing that that's coming to you. So again, that's like picturing future you with that person. And it's like get really, really specific. Like what does their relationship look like to their family? What does this person like do on a day to day basis? What do they do for work? What do they look like? Like all of that stuff. What kind of stuff do you do together? And then

you have to really picture that person coming to you. So I just did that because I was like, you know what? I feel like I'm really ready for someone to come into my life. Even though I have work to do, like I feel like I'm in a good place. And then I, this is like a crazy story. But after that, I was like really living in like law of attraction, like manifest land. And I have, had matched with this guy on Hinge in like June of 2020, but it was like obviously COVID, so we never met up. But we had exchanged social medias. And then a few like months down the line is now like December, he like hopped on one of my

TikTok lives. And he was like commenting. And he kept being like, do you remember when we matched on Hinge? And finally after like ignoring it, because I thought that somebody was like trolling me, I was like, I don't know who you are. You're like user 8,5, whatever. So I was like, but if you have a way to contact me, you should. So this guy like slides into my DMs and was like, LOL, that was me.

but like I'm in a relationship now like I was just like fucking around and like commenting in your thing and I was like okay ha ha and I was also in a period of my life where I was like incredibly afraid of like doing the wrong thing getting canceled whatever so I was like oh my god like what if his girlfriend sees this and thinks that I'm like I don't know like even though that's like crazy. I was like I don't even know why he's chatting me maybe he's just friendly but I don't want his girlfriend to see this and think anything so I responded and was like you should set me up with one of your friends and we could all go on a double date because I was like why is he

even reaching out to me like I think he wants to be friends I don't really know right And he said, like, I'll see what I can do or something like that. And then a few hours later, like, sent me a group photo. I was like, what about this guy? And I was like, I don't know. Maybe I should just say yes. So I said yes. I did not know where this story was going.

This is crazy. I said, like, sure, I'll go on a date with that guy, friend of yours. And then I canceled the date two times because the first time I, like, ah, blind date. Like, I don't know. I don't know the fucking first guy, let alone this guy. I had not even, like, really seen a picture of this man. I'm like, I don't even know him. And then the second time there was like a family emergency.

And I felt so bad that I'd canceled twice. that I texted guy number one and I was like can you let your friend know like I swear to god I want to go out with him I'm just like my grandma died terrible like literally and then I was like still unsure because I'm like blind date that's so weird and at the time I was doing the series on ticot where I was making like lattes and I was putting salt in them because it's supposed to like cut the bitterness of the coffee I don't know it was just like a viral click bait thing and like the second guy who's now my boyfriend was like watching that and then he like texted me a video of himself going to dunk and like getting the exact order that I get and then like putting salt in it and taste testing

I feel like I'm going to cry. And I thought he was like so adorable and like whatever that I was like, okay, are you free? Like actually like when are you free? And then we went on our first date and I was like oddly like, oh God, I'm about to be in so deep. I have to like cut off like this whole roster of men that I have like going on in my life. I have to like clear the bench fully because this is like I think going to be my person. And it's just weird because he's actually, he's just very identical to the thing I wrote on the paper. Oh my God.

Which is like very, very strange. Like I ended up showing him like a while after. I can't like do this now, but like, I'll show it to him and like, it's weird. He's just like very similar. Whether or not that's like I actually manifested it or like that he was just such a good match for me and I really for the first time in my life like actually went out to find what I was looking for. And knew yourself enough.

Either way, that's still manifesting though, like to Raina's point. Well, it might have made you go on that date when maybe before you wouldn't have because before you might have said like that's too nice. That's like not what I'm looking, somebody that's going to watch my video and like do this thing that I suggested like, but I think you probably were in this headspace of like, Sounds really flattering and nice and I do want to prioritize somebody like that. Yeah. And I just like showed up as myself too.

Yeah. I wrote a list that had 29 things on it a year prior. And my boyfriend's like 27 of the things. You know, one of them just that he doesn't live here. But I also just, I don't know. I like that he just didn't give up too. Like I think that's important. Yeah.

That's part of my story too. Someone's just like, no, I really want to go out with you. Yeah. I know you blown me off twice. I'm not going to give up on you. Yeah, there's no ego surrounding it. Like fuck her. you know like you guys go on dates double dates with the yeah but the original couple do you well okay

they're not together anymore but is that still his friend yeah that's his friend okay and it's so funny like i met my boyfriend like before ever meeting this other guy like right because like we went on our date and then like obviously i eventually met his friends and then me and this guy meet and it's like hey like and now we're like l he's gonna have to give like a speech if we ever get married one day at a wedding because like i really did match on hinge with his friend and that's like how we also love a hinge story as a partner of the podcast. It's still technically a Hinge success story. No, it's like a hinge success story, low key.

That's the thing about Hinge, like, anything can happen. It's just a great way to meet people. Yes. Like, really. Also, I like your ad. I think some women are just, they're turned on by a guy who's in a relationship, hitting on them, and I think some people would have just leaned into that, you know? I was like, you just pivoted it immediately.

Yeah. I don't know that everybody would have done that. No, I was like, yeah, like, what are your friends like? Like, I don't know if we should be friends. Because I was just like, even if he's genuine, because I do believe men women can be friends and like you guys have tons of friends who are men who are married. I slap with most of them. You're like to be honest, like we have a pass.

But like, you know, you guys have friends who are married and like they're your guy friends. Absolutely. And so like I knew that and I knew that that could be okay. But also I was like in the odd chance that that's not what this is, I just want to make sure that this girl, if she were to ever see this, knows that like my number one priority was looking out for her and being like, well, let's all go on a double date together. And then like we ended up hanging out with them for a bit, but then they broke up and now my boyfriend is still friends with him.

So you talk a lot about how people's perceived value when they're in a relationship versus like being single. And we kind of want to talk to you a little bit about that because I feel like you really are still someone that really like lifts up women that are not in just relationships. And it's just like important for you to like see the value in both. And I think you wrote like singlehood as equal in value to being a serious relationship. But we love talking about that too. Honestly like you're a podcast and like I think so many podcasts of women just like talking about

sex and dating helps with this kind of thing so much. Like you guys should know that like the work that you're doing is really helping people to feel like just normal on their everyday lives because you guys are just honest about what you're going through and what you're experiencing. And like if I didn't say that you guys have helped me, I'd be lying. Like you guys have really helped shaped my mindset so much around this. But I think for like a really long time, I had the mindset of like, oh, like I'm looking for a missing piece. Like I need to be whole. But that would like insinuate that I was somehow like broken or like not full or whole before, which is just not true. And I think that what I've really learned in dating my boyfriend is I love him so much and I hope

that this is my forever person. But like the end goal of every relationship is not forever. And if the end goal of this ended up being like a lesson that I learned or something, like that would be fine. And you know, no one is going to be forever until somebody is. So like every relationship pretty much is going to end really. Like that's what the statistics show. So I think that like learning to just like like being.

single was so important for me and then learning to view being single like not as a waiting room because for so long I was like this is my waiting room like I am waiting to go get in a relationship and that's like the destination and that was just such a shitty way to think because then I was just like not liking my life when I wasn't in a relationship which is so ridiculous like why do I need a man to like like my life why can't I like it when I'm single and just chilling or why do I always have to be actively dating it's so much pressure and like so much stress and now I always say this. I'm in a very serious relationship. We live together. Like, I hope that it's going in the direction that we talk about and plan for. But if it didn't, like, I think I would stay single

for such a long time because, like, I fucking like myself in my own company. And this person who's in my life, he is like so special and important to me. And at this point, if we didn't work out, it's going to be because our priority switch or like something doesn't align. It's never going to be because we don't love each other. And I think I would really just be single for so long. Like, I think I would Samantha Jones it. And I would love that too. And that's not what I want necessarily. Like I'm so happy in my relationship, but I feel like people think that that mindset is taboo almost. And I just like don't think it is at all. Like I'm comfortable and confident saying that.

That's how I would feel like. And I think that's okay. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. We love that. I mean, this quote I wrote from you, I think this was in your Cosmo article. You were just talking even about friendship love and you said, I feel like I could sustain myself on female friendship for the rest of my life.

It's so important to me. Like those are like the forever relationships, not always. But, you know, when you talk about the importance of keeping the friends, and things like that. And it's like there's so much other love we have in our lives. And we talk a lot about like, why is the romantic love on such a pedestal and everything else falls by the wayside? Like if you were to break up, if anywhere to break up, there wouldn't be like an absence of

like love in your life, hopefully if you built a life outside of your romantic relationship. And like back to the manifesting thing, like the universe simply will not reward you if you have like a negative shitty attitude. It's only going to reward you if you have attitudes of like gratitude and abundance. and if you view your life like I don't have romantic love so my life sucks and I'm depressed, you're ignoring all the love that you very likely do have in your life, which would be platonic, familial, the love you have for yourself, your hobbies, your passions, like your fucking workout class, your favorite restaurant.

Your pet, exactly. That's so much love. The universe would see that and be like, okay, well, this person isn't like giving anything to all of that love. Right. Which is just like romantic love is just like another piece of that that you could have and it's okay to want that. I certainly did.

but it's also like what about everything else like totally don't neglect it i love being single i think it's great and i have all these friends and that's really nice and i look at ash's life and i look at her relationship and i love her boyfriend so much and i love what she has and of course i want that but it's important to not compare yourself constantly to other people's lives and their happiness and i was watching this like rerun of vanderpumper rolls last night from years ago and sheena is like crying to la la la and she's like i'm single and all of you have this thing and they pan to all the other couples in the room and it's like four other couples and four of the five couples are broken up. Right. One of them is like Scandibald. One of them was like Lala and Randall Emmett. Like she's crying

because she wants this thing so much and everybody around her has it. And fast forward two years later and everybody's life is this like dumpster fire. She has a husband and a child and she's really happy and it's important to like remind yourself that like you should remind yourself that like today you should make yourself happy and enjoy what's going on because like you had no idea number one what's actually going on other people's relationships and how happy they are or what your life will be like in a couple years versus theirs. So like make today really happy for you. I don't have like romantic love like Ashley does, but like I have like all these friends I get like the pleasure of having and so many people would die for the social life that I have. You also get to like rot and be alone at a

higher volume which like I was saying to my boyfriend I was like do you miss me when I'm not here like before I left because I was going to be gone for like seven days and he's like meeting me now like in Texas where we're going next. I was like oh do you miss me when I'm gone? He was like I miss you. Like the thought of you being with you, like sleeping in bed with you at night. But he was like, however, he was like not having someone nag me about like keeping this place clean and tidy and like being healthy and like going to exercise. He's like I kind of get to like rot out like throw my stuff everywhere. And then he's like, I do a deep clean right before like either leave to come see you or you come back. And I'm like that's such like a thing that when you're single, you can do that whenever you want.

You're just living by your own rules. You're not having to like actively think of another person, which is a lovely thing to do. But also like the grass is green on the single side. I got a rot day. I was thinking about you on Saturday because actually did like all these activities with her boyfriend. It was so cute.

I never left the house. 10,000 steps. I was the biggest piece of shit. I had ever probably been in my whole life. And it was the best day. I didn't get to 11. No, it's beautiful.

It's a year. I was like, Ashley doesn't get to do this today. Ashley had to have sex, put makeup on. You give the house. Take a shower. Do a plan, make reservations.

Talk to someone? That is so funny. You're like, I don't want her life. But yeah, first of all, people that just are relationship to relationship, you know, live your truth. but I don't think you can ever really know yourself.

Like the single years are so important. So important. Also, yeah, I have this like amazing relationship now. I'm single for so fucking long. The whole duration of this podcast until nine months ago. Yeah. So I cannot recommend it enough. And like the life you get to live when you do whatever the fuck you want all the time is like amazing.

Also, if you like your life, being single is fun. Yeah. It's like that's an understatement. Like we've like had the best life. We've like lived a dream. Yeah. Like you're living a dream. Like look at sex in the city.

You cannot tell me that you watch that. show and you're not like a little jealous like I watch that show and I'm like I want their lives like I want to live in New York City in the 90s with like no iPhones and just like be having crazy sex and then like getting together with my girlfriends every fucking day at a random lunch restaurant and like talking shit like that is the best life ever and like that show I mean I know you guys like love Candace special I know you love the show it's like ahead of its time like so much so but I watch it today and it makes me feel so comforted even if someone who's in a relationship because I'm like I have those women in my life and like those are my real soulmates and like that's like the whole message of that whole show. Yes. And like you think of the scenes of the four of them together at brunch or doing whatever they're doing. You're like, that is peak life right there. And then the opening of movie number two, which was an abomination. I like to pretend it was never made. It's just like carry in big, like fighting and in this like dark apartment. I'm like, that's miserable. That's misery. And that's the goal. This marriage. Yeah. You know, there's one over here that's just like bright and fun and full of life. And then there's just this like married couple that's

like at each other's throats and fighting about what they're going to do that night or what they're an order to eat. And I'm not saying that every relationship is like that. But it's just kind of like, what do you really want out of life? Like I hate when it's the inverse. People are like, God, it's so sad to just be like single and out with all your girlfriends and having random sex. And it's just like, no, why? It's so fun. It's so fun. I literally always think back to like even the like most damaging parts of like my singlehood and being in college, though like morning group chat, debrief. Like, sorry, nothing hits in that way. And you and all your friends are single. Like that's why I go out to have the.

debrief. No, to have the debrief. And like, now, you know, my best friend from college and I are both in serious relationships. And we take trips with our partners. And it's so lovely and it's this new chapter. But I'm like, I also miss that. Like, that was also really fucking good when we were both single. And we always said we were each other soulmate. And like, we were fine because we had each other. Absolutely. And by the way, like, making friends to me and Ashley. But it is work. And I did manifest that too. When we moved here. I did manifest that too. When we moved here. I did this dinner with all these girls. I didn't. I said yes to everything. Shit, I never wanted to do everything. I was like, I was like, I was like, casually friends with in New York. She invited me to this dinner with all these girls. I don't. I don't. I I didn't want to go hang out with like 11 girls I didn't know. But like I ended up becoming really good friends with them. Our friend Alyssa invited us to something. And it was all these girls there. We'd become really close to everybody. Like I said yes to a lot of shit. Yeah.

You've driven like an hour to West Hollywood a lot. A lot. Just to hang out. Yeah. And Lisa's amazing. I love Alyssa. Alyssa and she's been on her podcast. Shut up.

But yeah. People are always like they love episodes about making friends and like that's not easy all the time either. You have to say yes to stuff. 100%. I actually was saying this on TikTok the other. day after my LA show I did like a meeting greet and before the LA show we had to do a VIP meeting Greek so it was like something the venue wanted to do so people paid extra and it was like a 20 minute

Q&A and this one girl had come to that and then she actually waited afterward which I didn't expect I expected the girls that had the VIP thing before not to wait after she waited after and she said that she came by herself and she was just really going through a hard time like had I'm able to get out of bed lately and like for some reason like decided like this was going to be the thing that like got her out and like to put on makeup and put on an outfit and like she was like she had such a good time she had so much fun and like she met new friends and everything and I was really just saying on TikTok go out in your community even with a friend you don't have to be by yourself but like go somewhere people do want to make friends if everybody is having the same problem in their 20s of how do I make friends

that means everyone wants friends so like you have to be a friend to make a friend to have a friend like go out and find those people and like for a long time I thought it was weird to like introduce myself to people like I would be like oh my god it's so weird for me to just like talk to a stranger it's fucking not that's just friendly and like that's just being like hi am you like what's your name like there's nothing wrong with that right like we kind of forget that i forget that people are a lot more introverted than i am too and that being shy can read is like not really wanting to talk to you and if you like connect with somebody a little bit DM them talk about that thing go to color me mind with them i still got to get to color me mind i really want to actually go on a date at color me mind

Why can't we just go on a friend date? We haven't a solo hung in so long. You guys don't hang out outside of right here. We hang out all the time. We joke that like Rain and I would never go to dinner. That'd be so weird. Like just the two of us. I do want to ask you on a friend date soon.

We haven't solo hung in so long. Raina's going to like make a reservation. Yeah. Like a whole thing. But we are always together. We're here together socially so much more than we were in New York actually. Like because we moved here together and then made the same friends. And then like my friends I had coming in or now her friends.

Like in New York, we made. friends after we'd both live there. So we did have like separate groups of friends. So like, I don't know. In the weekends, we would like do stuff with them. And so there's never like a big group friend hang here that we're both like not a part of. So it is nice. But like to go to dinner, like, I can't imagine. I'm going to rain a stay in a bar having drinks. It's like so weird. I want to ask you out to do that soon. We haven't spent so whole of time together in a while. See, like even besties get nervous about me. I'm like, what is she says now? I said on the podcast recently. I think I did hear this. I said something like, well, it's a little awkward when we're alone. And

she was like, I know right. I was like, I was kidding. You were like, I was fucking joking, you bitch. I don't want to be alone. Well, yesterday, we were time ago to go to Hawaii, and now she's like, I'm just not trying to go alone with you. First of all I did not say it like that. I was like, if we're going to go to Maui, I want to have a group, go to a luau, do the whole thing. Me and you want a romantic getaway.

You don't even like to do the same stuff as me. Same room. I'll go on one hike with you. I'm going to be like on a sunset hike. She'll, like, do yoga and then take a hike and I refuse to go. But I do want to ask you out on a solo friend date soon. You should. You should.

We need to bond. And let's just go a couple quick topics that you do talk about in the book that we just think are really fun and like obviously relevant to what we talk about the podcast. Well, speaking of dates. Yeah. Prepping for a first date, like an athlete before a game. Okay, I'm obsessed with this because I'm like a nervous person. Like everybody thinks that because I'm so energetic and outgoing that I'm like extroverted but I'm really not. And I get like nervous and I'm introverted and I get social anxiety.

And so instead of looking at first dates like, oh my God, this is so make or break. Like, holy shit, this is either going to be the love of my life or like he's. going to hate me and like I'm going to feel bad about myself. I started to look at it more like a game, like a literal game. Like all this is is like a second date or a good story to tell my friends. This isn't anything more or less than that. Those are the only two outcomes. Like I'm going to go to brunch with my girlfriends tomorrow and talk about this or we're going to go out again. That's it. And I also tried to view it like if I met a girl at a party, like if we all didn't know each other and we met each other at a party, like the next day I might be like, oh, should we all get brunch?

I wouldn't be like, oh, do you want to be the maid of honor at my wedding? Like, and it's weird that we go into first dates being like, oh, that's my husband. And it's like, you wouldn't act like that with a girl you just met at a party. And so I had that like refresh in my mind. So I was like, all right, I'm going to like prep for this and like make a routine for myself to make it more like a game. And I had like all my little rules for myself. So it was like I had a playlist I would listen to. I had like a go to outfit. I would do my makeup and I would try to plan dates on the same nights as my friends so that we could all like get ready together. I would like have like a glass of wine before like all of these things that I would do that would make me feel like more in control.

because I think part of the problem was I felt out of control because I'm going into an environment where I don't know what's going to happen. So making yourself feel as in control as possible, I just feel like it makes you feel confident going into it. I've heard you talk about like making sure that you've a plan after the date too. So like you're also in control of like I've chosen to leave at this time. Leave them wanting more. That's my favorite tip ever. I always say make tentative plans for afterwards. I'm not necessarily against like sleeping with someone on a first date or going home with them or going to a second bar or whatever. Like I've done it. But I think if you're dating. for a relationship, men really do fall in love in time spent apart where they get to think about you. So you have to give them that. Like if you know that, why not give that to them? So I would always make plans afterward that weren't like a birthday party, but like something like more chill that I could miss had I decided I wanted to stick around or whatever. One of two reasons. If it's going badly, then you can just rewrite your night. You're going out with your girlfriends. You're going to go watch a movie, whatever it is. If it goes really well and you're going to make a second date with this person and you want to leave them with that wanting more, the ability

to think about you and really like fall for you, then you're just going to go do something fun and you have a nice, easy out and you're not lying about it. I always recommend doing that because it's like win-win either way. Yeah. And then if it's bad, bad, you know, not like dark, bad, but like, it's just bad. You're like, that's not a fit. What a waste of like a contour. Yeah. Like, at least you have other plans. Like, that's just sucks. It sucks to like pick out an outfit, do your makeup and then just like have a bad date and like go home. It sucks. Not always. I mean, I go home to like my dog and like love is blind or whatever. You know, you can. still look forward to those small things.

You're like taking off your makeup and you're like, why did I do this for? And then it makes you feel like you don't want to date again. Yes, yes. Whereas if you go out after, your whole night is going to be like the memories you made after, you're going to be laughing about the bad date with your friends. And then you're going to be like, okay, I can go on another date now. I'm good. I agree.

And I've been saying to Ashley, I've really enjoyed the last few dates I've gone on, not because the dates were good. It's because the plans I had right before or right after were really nice. Ashley and I with our friend went out to this great dinner and we got dressed up and and we looked so cute. And then I met this guy for like an hour and a half. I had an out because I was tired, it was late. And I, like, had a great night with my girlfriends.

And, like, I didn't particularly love the date. But I was like, I had a good night. At a good night with people that I liked. And I didn't waste an outfit. Exactly. Yeah, because those moments after a bad date when you just go home, after art, like you said, the moments that are like, I'm giving up. Like, I'm not doing this anymore.

This sucks. And you're alone and you're spiraling. Yeah. So brutal. Then your friends say, how was it? And you say, horrible. I'm not dating anymore. Yeah.

I'm done with us. Exactly. Something else you said that we really loved was trying out a person in different settings before committing, which is so clueless, like, the movie. It's like, do a lap before committing to a location. No, but I feel like, have you ever gone on a date with someone? But it's like, you go on five late drink dates in a row. And it's like, yeah, I'm having so much fun with you.

And I've had four margaritas because you're hot. Four margaritas. Like, seriously. We're like, we're having this dark bar and like, you look hot. And like, the more I drink, the hotter you are. So then, like, we like go to dark bars, drink and make out. So, like, I think that I like you. How fun is this?

But then all of a sudden, we go on a fucking walk during the day. And I'm like, what the hell am I doing? Like, who are you? What time am I wasting? I really love, like, if your first date is, like, going out for drinks or going out for dinner, the next date is, like, something during the day. Because I don't waste your own time. Try them on in different settings.

And, like, I'm somebody who's like, I'm a theater person. If I started dating someone and I was like, do you want to go see a Broadway show or do you want to go see theater, like, whatever? And they said no. Like, even if they weren't interested, if they were, like, so anti, like, then I just know, like, that's a setting that matters to me. And if you're not willing to, like, just. try that out and I can't see what it would look like to be in that space that matters to me with you.

So we're not going to work. Yeah. It's the same thing as like, am I willing to go watch whatever sport it is and like have a fun time if like baseball means a lot to him or whatever the fuck it is. Right. You want to try that person out in places that matter to you, but also different settings because it would happen to me that I would, especially in New York, it's always drinks. Yes. It's always drinks in. I love this so much.

I'll go on a hike with you because I love you. I'll be in different settings. You guys are at like, you guys are at Runyon. You're at Runyon, you're at Runyon, tomorrow. She insulted me on a recent podcast, or she's trying to make up for it. She said it was so hard to be together. Not what I said. I got roasted for an hour.

Okay. I had this situation that happened where there was this guy that I knew from New York, just from, like, partying, late at night. He was friends with some restaurant people that I, like, knew. And one night we ran into each other. I lived in New York. He lived in Cincinnati, I think. We had sex like that first night.

He leaves, and then we just started talking on the phone a lot. And it was, you know, long distance. And I really, I enjoyed him late at these bars. And I had sex. The sex was fine. joined him on the phone. And I was going to be in Pittsburgh for the weekend, like a few weeks later. And since he lived in Cincinnati or Cleveland or something, it was close. So we decided we'd like meet in Pittsburgh. And we went out to dinner and I was like, oh, I've never like been around you at this time of day. Yeah. That's, yeah, was so pretentious. So obnoxious. Cut me off ordered for me without asking me. And I was, restaurants are a very important setting for me and like liking food and being able to like be around people. And I was like, oh, I don't like this person. What the fuck are you? That was in the very first person I dated on the podcast, that young guy.

When we first started, I was like sleeping with this younger guy. I was like 10 years younger than me. And we only drank. We hooked up. The sex was great. And then I went to dinner with him. Remember, he held the fork like this. No.

He fisted the fork. Yeah. And I was like, I never would go to dinner with you. And then the conversation didn't flow. Like it was like, oh my God. I have only been drinking and fucking. Yeah. Or like they meet your friends and you find yourself having to like a policy.

apologize for them or you're like this is so fucking awkward you're like I should have like tested this person out a couple more times to see how they like interact yeah like via talking on the phone with this guy is like this my guy he's great but like anybody can show up for you on a phone call for 45 minutes also I think that's the thing about like getting love bombing and all that stuff like anybody can pretend to be someone on the phone like out of drinks having sex like well hypothetical right yeah it's all like this is just a fun little thing and then once it's the light of day all of a sudden, like you see who they really are like the bachelor. It's like, like, what is it really going to be like when you guys aren't on a date in Versailles?

Totally. 100%. It's not real life. No. Okay. Well, we had a little segment we wanted to do it with you because we know you love your horoscope stuff. And I did this on your podcast with you. So I did like rip this off.

But we kind of changed it to be about dating. Okay. And like most likely to blank. And then you're going to say the sign. Oh, I love that. That's so fun. Okay. Okay.

Okay. I can start. I'm going to start positive. Most likely to plan. an amazing thoughtful date that makes you feel like you're in a 90s rom-com. Ooh. I feel like it's like Leo because Leo's, I think, like gratification and they like people to tell them, like, thank you for what you did.

I also think they're cool. Yeah, because if you were going to say, if you said like a really romantic sappy date, I would have said cancer, but like a cool 90s rom-com like whirlwind date, like you're going to be with a fire sign. You're going to be with a Leo. They're going to make you feel like you're on top of the world, like literally on fire. Right. The most sentimental date you could possibly think of.

It's cancer. Ashley. It's just Ashley. It's hard to shove her for Christmas. I'm like, she's going to get me this painting. She's commissioned. You got to plan a nice bath for me. I got her charm braced this year.

I was like, I'm killing. You always get me good gifts. Okay. Most likely to mansplain the stock market, Marvel movies, fantasy football, politics, etc. On a date. Virgo. Virgo. I'm just so, I'm so sorry.

Like, if anyone's dating a Virgo man, I just want to, like, give a disclosure. like I don't judge based on sun signs. I judge based on your whole chart. So I don't believe anyone's a truly bad person. But like Virgo sons, I think they're going to mansplain. It's also oftentimes because they know what they're talking about, but that doesn't make it less annoying. Right. Sometimes you are learning.

Yeah. Sometimes you're learning something, but you maybe don't want to learn it. Yeah. But I feel like your brother could explain all those things in a way that wouldn't bother me. Well, a mansplain is one of those words. Like, it's gotten over use. Sometimes it literally is just a man explaining, you know, something that, like, they do know more than you. Yeah.

It's not always. No, I did not know anything about the stock market. Like, I don't fucking know shit about it. I wanted to date with a real estate developer. And he was like, do you know what they do? And I was like, I kind of could deduce it. He was like, let me explain it to. And you were all this thing like 20 minutes.

I was like, okay, cool. Okay. Most likely to make it weird when the bill comes. Oh, that's so interesting. I feel like maybe Pisces, because I think that they get like a little bit uncomfortable. Like, I don't think they would make it weird because they like want you to pay or not. But I think that they would be weird about it. Like, they would be conscious of it.

Like, you know, when you're on a day. and you guys are talking and maybe you still have like wine left in your glass or like a cocktail left and the bill comes and like one person that you're with is like oddly conscious of it being there and it's like let's just like finish our wine and then we'll like address that after like we're in the middle of a conversation I think Pisces would be like very conscious of the fact that the bill is there and like overthinking like are they going to pay am I going to pay are we splitting this like are we doing this not smooth with it just floundering is there a sign that's most likely to be like over my dead body will you split this with me like they're just they grab the check they're confident they got this capricorn I feel like Capricorn or Sagittarius also. Like, I think a Sagittarius is like the kind of person to be in charge and like take control, but definitely Capricorn. Also that Leo. Yeah, that Leo too. Yeah, they would. Okay. Most likely to take you on a surprise hiking date, but not give you a heads up on how to dress. So you show up in heels and they're like, babe, we're doing Runyon. I think it's Taurus because. I love this game. I think it's Taurus for

sure because like they're so like grounded and like whatever. And they also like, they almost have a bit of an ego to them where they like expect everyone just gets them. And And it's like, no, not everybody when you say we're doing a day date thinks that we're going on a fucking hike. Like, sorry that I'm wearing my, like, cute, like, Prada mules. Like, I'm not, like, I thought we were going to brunch. Yeah, like, I'm wearing ballet flats. Like, what the hell?

I think that would be a tourist move to pull. Okay. Most likely to show up four inches shorter than his profile said. Oh, my God. All men. All of them. Every single one of them. Maybe a Gemini because I love Gemini women, but Gemini men are tough.

Like, I struggle with them. always have. Like they just, I feel like they're like big on the gaslighting. And like I feel like also the mansplaining. That would be another one, Gemini. I like they're the kind of people that like think very highly of themselves. So they would just show up and be four inches shorter. They're like she's going to like me. Yeah, she's going to fucking like me because I'm perfect. And like I do feel for men. Like I, I know if you write six feet and like that just opens up every potential in the world for you. So I feel for people, but you can't be out of four inches shorter. Yeah. No, I don't think four inches shorter. I think give yourself an inch or two.

That's fine. We all know that that's what you do. And I do feel bad for like the short Kings because it's like I love a short king for Sam 5-2 though so like short king is fine for me but also I feel bad for them because like everyone gives them a bad rep so some of them are nice guys but yeah if you're showing up four or five inches shorter like getting a rip yeah okay I love this one most likely to give you the best sex of your life and then ghost Sagittarius okay right now feels like that you have a thing for Sagman okay most likely to give you the best sex of your life then postmate you a bagel the next morning cancer cancers are like also like kinky shit like I think

Like, really? Very sexual. I think all the water signs are, obviously, Scorpio, everyone, like, says that. But I think cancers are the type of people that, like, they get so invested, like, sexually and romantically. But they also are always thinking of you. Like, always want to buy you gifts. Like, I would be annoyed if I was dating myself, personally.

Like, this bitch is always buying me presents. She's always, like, post-maiding me snacks. Like, most likely to cry during sex. Also cancer. Yeah, no, like, also. Well, I think, okay. Cancer, yes, for sure. But I'm going to not do the cop audience.

because I feel like that's the one people think. I would also say like maybe Capricorn, and I know that sounds weird, but like I think that they are one of the more emotional signs. They just have like this hard exterior. But when you really get in there with them, like unresolved trauma, like never been to therapy. But when you get in there with a Capricorn, like they're like so soft, so soft, such softies. Like they're the inverse of cancer. So I feel like it makes sense.

Okay. Most likely to spit in your mouth. Oh, Aries. Why? Are they a water sign? No, they're a fire sign and they're just like kind of like, kind of like, my way or the highway like very stubborn like this is what we're doing like bossy like oh it's like rage like red fiery sign like they're the fieriest of all I think and I feel like they would just do

that and be like yeah that's what we're doing can you be like okay taking control okay and then most likely to become a great boyfriend ooh oh my gosh well I'm dating a scorpio so like I'd be remiss if I didn't say but I would say that's like they get bad reputations mine is just great but scorpios get a bad reputation I would say say, oh, I've always loved dating a Leo because they'll just make you laugh. And, like, they are like the sun and it's really nice to be in someone's orbit that's like that. So I'd say if you're going to go for a fire sign, a Leo. And then I would say also a cancer because they're so lovey, just sweet, kind. Like, always going to make you feel special. I mean, I, obviously,

I don't know. Cancer men. People have, like, mixed feelings. What is your boyfriend? A Libra. A Libra. And it's just, like, perfect. Balance. It's just, like, balance. Harmony. Yeah. So wonderful. Like, like, no one has any complaints. Like, like, they're, like, the least problematic sign. They're so unproblematic. We just wanted to end it on like a positive note. And any winning can be a good partner. You know, anybody in the sign. Yeah. It also depends what you're looking for, right? Yeah. Different things might be good to different people. Yeah. You're like, this was so fun. So fun, guys. Thank you so wonderful. And everybody should buy the book and check out TikTok and everywhere that you are. So can you tell people like everything to tune into? And your

podcast is coming back. You took a little hiatus. Okay. So my podcast is coming back on March 1st. So it's called Miss Congeniality. That's every podcast are found. I'm on Instagram at Eli. And on TikTok, Eli Rallo, because I couldn't get the same handle. I have a dot, too, girl. Yeah, I have a dot, unfortunately. Can't relate. Yeah, it's not the best, but we love it.

And then my book's called I didn't know I needed this and you can buy that anywhere you buy books. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you so much. Thanks, guys. Thank you. And you guys know where to find us, Girls Gotta Eat.com for everything. We're Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess.

Rain is Raina. Dot Greenberg. And our other company, of course, vibes only. that's going to be vibes only.com and vibes only on Instagram and subscribe on YouTube, share this episode with a friend, get Eli's book, and we'll see you next week. Have a great week, guys. Bye.