Girls Gotta Eat - The One That Got Away

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

Chances are, you either have a "one that got away," ARE the one that got away, or have dated someone who is still hung up on the one that got away. We're talking about it all – why we have this person, why men tend to have them more than women, how to get over them, and why it's good if you DON'T have one. We're also sharing our personal experiences with it, and the reasons our listeners say they aren't over that ex. Before we get into the topic, we're discussing the question "Should you tell your partner about your past flings?" Plus, we're giving thanks, revealing who's the better Thanksgiving cook, and sharing advice for handling family with opposing politics/values over the holidays. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Bilt: Get points by paying rent at https://joinbilt.com/GGE. Skims: Shop Skims Holiday Shop at https://skims.com. Addyi: Learn more at https://addyi.com. Fatty15: Get an additional 15% off a 90-day subscription Starter Kit at https://fatty15.com/gge with code GGE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes you are wrong. Like sometimes the one that got away comes back. You're like, that's not the person for me. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Thanksgiving week.

You guys, my favorite holiday. I'm so excited. If you're new around here, she's a beige car bass bitch. You guys, if you're new, every year I ask for one thing for the holidays and it's that you tag me in your Thanksgiving plates. I just, I get like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of tags. Like it almost crashes me. Instagram every year. It makes me so happy. I just, I love to see what you guys are all doing. And I don't

remember when I, like, started this. The year made me, like, really cry was like 20-20 when, like, when, like, people really, like, had to, like, scrape together three people to have Thanksgiving with. And I just, I love to see what you guys are judged. Yeah. I had a great Thanksgiving that year. I had a Thanksgiving with a Russian, a Brazilian, and an Armenian. I was the only American. Yeah, you're right. You had a little multicultural in New York. People were like, what is is stuffing? That is so gross. So, okay, just tag me. Just like, when you Post on stories. Tag me.

And like, let me see your plates. I'll take your tags, but don't feel pressured. Ashley's not going to repost or respond. I like to hear about your family drama and I never get enough. I always say this every year. If you are shut in your childhood bedroom, hating your family, let me know. If you fucked somebody from your high school, yes, let us know. Or if you're like reunited with your like first love, like it's a Hallmark Christmas

movie, let me know too. Wait, that's funny because it's like the theme today. I know. That's why I said it. I didn't even like think about the connection to like Thanksgiving, though. and like everybody goes home and like sleeps with like their accent. Yes. Yes. We have the through line. Also every year I have to rain, rain in on how many weeks she can discuss Thanksgiving. And it didn't even like, you guys literally, it's been mid-December and Rain has been like, so what should we talk about the intro? Maybe like recap Thanksgiving or it'll be like November 1st. She's like, so should we talk about Thanksgiving?

Like, I'm exaggerating. But there's been times when like it's going on a third week. And I'm like, we can't talk about it again. It's over. I don't. I want to talk about it every week. I like to talk about what I made. This year. I'm in charge of Thanksgiving. I'm really exciting because my sister-in-law just had the baby and she's like, I'm not cooking. You're going to cook overseas. Yes, I am overseas. I wouldn't even attempt that state side. I mean, it's always my dream to be in charge.

I like making the prep list. I like making all the recipes. I like all the glory. I don't want help. So it's normally my mom, but she's not going to be there. It's going to be my dad, my brother and my sister-in-law and the baby. And it's all me. My sister-in-law, like, hard past on cooking.

She's like, I'm not doing it. You're in charge. Yeah, she's going to, she's a newborn. Yeah. So I literally, I could not be more excited. That is crazy. I can't wait. I'm not cut out for it. You are though. Thanksgiving food is just like, so our family, if you also, you're new here, I love the canned stuff. Like, I will dump a can of cream of mushroom soup, but a can of green beans and a can of french onion toppings. That's a dish. Like, we don't go fresh for Thanksgiving. Rain and I really differ on the cranberries. I don't want to eat cranberries with a can ridge. I love it. And she likes it like that. My mom, Cindy Heseltine has always done fresh cranberries. She makes them on the stove.

Like she really goes all out. But we had a friend's giving recently, our friend Alyssa, Amaroso, her and her boyfriend cooked and we had eight of us over. And it was unbelievable. Like I just don't have that skill. I'm sorry. Like I will never cook a meal that good. And I know that about myself.

And that's fine. I have other talents. But I'm just like, this is so good. This is one of the best Thanksgiving meals I've ever had. And I think my mom and my family are great cooks, but she knocked it out of the park. I don't have that skill. There's a lot of like. multitasking and timing and listen every person mostly women who do this fucking meal always like to

downplay it well i prepped this two days ago so all i need to do today was this no every time they talk about it and try to downplay it and be humble i'm like no bitch this is crazy you look in the oven there's seven things in there i'm stressed when i never make a thanksgiving meal i'm stressed i don't i'm like all the accolades give them to me do you know how hard it is i can't stay i'm strapped i'm too stressed like yeah i know i drink more than you cook dinner you're like that mom and the bear you're just hammered like yelling at everybody

but also drunk no like I'll cook dinner just a dinner regular dinner sometimes with Sparkle eyes on FaceTime and he's like you are stressed out like I get stressed in the kitchen too much going on at the same time

that's why you like those meal prep things yes but even step by step is my point like I'm not like a relaxed chef nothing in the world relaxes me more like sometimes when I wake up in the morning

I'm having a bad morning. I think of a recipe to make. I go to the grocery store and I'm 7 a.m. in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Yes, but this is what I've said about you when you host. Like, Raina can put together a dish and also talk to people. I could never. Like, if I have to focus in, like, I can't.

Well, it's on purpose that I like honed a skill because, I mean, growing up, no shade to my mom. She spent all the money. She hosted everything. That's a lot of money and time and work. But she was very much like, don't come in the kitchen. Don't come near me. Don't talk to me.

don't ask me questions. And I always just saw like, that's not the vibe I want in my home. I want everybody around me. I want everybody like chit-chatting. I actively worked to be the kind of person that could like cook and chat and entertain and chat. When you walk in my house,

I want to pour you a drink. I want to go back to what I was doing? Like every time I open the door, I'm just like, what can I get you? What do you guys want to drink? Like I've really like honed that skill. It's very important to me.

Yeah. I mean, when I was going through my really tough breakup in Atlanta, I would go to Kate's, I think every Friday night and like she would cook for me as I was like, you know, going through it and she could talk to me about it.

Like I wasn't like she's not hearing me. Right. She might have been blocking me out a little bit. I would have. But like she could chop and prep and I was like, how are you even? I guess it's a skill. I never thought about it. But I really, I have worked to make sure that that is how I am.

And so it's not like in accident. I'm just so good at it. It's like, yeah, I work to be good at it. But what Alyssa did was so amazing. Because to make like seven dishes come together at the exact same time is really a skill. set. Yes, perfect temperatures. You know, I'm big on temperatures. And also in an apartment. Yeah, that was tight quarters. I mean, she has a nice, like, spacious apartment, but it's still an apartment, you know, and so it's, when you look in, like, one oven and there's all that shit in there

and you're just like the way this timing had to line up, like, you know, you're an icon. She is a couch. She is like a dining table. Everybody hovered around the kitchen island where she was working. Yeah. So, yeah, it's a skill set. But I just, I wanted people, I grew up with a lot of screaming around like holidays and like don't bother me and don't talk to you I'm doing this. There's like rules and regulation. What are you like like don't touch this. I'm making it. That it's a finished dish.

Don't put your hands in it. Like I just wanted like everybody around me. You stick your hand in whatever you want. That is so rain. Her hands are everywhere all the time. Like I had to rain her in during. Oh, I actually I've never gotten a dish that you were like, can I have? Of course.

Let me like pinch your finger this chicken. No, I don't. But I've had to reel you in during COVID. What did I do? The chicken salad. That one time. At one time I took the chicken salad out of your brother's fridge and I did put a fork in and eat out of it and then stick it back in the fridge. And you were like, are you serious? You love to eat out of the fridge. Okay. All right. Let's do. My dad's thing. My dad used to show up at our house like on Saturday mornings to pick us up and my dad would go into my mom's fridge with a fork and be eating out of containers. My stepdad would just sit there and like not say anything. Yeah. What a bitch. Where you got a friend. Okay. Anyways, we can thank our partners. Thanks to Bill. Get points by paying rent at joinbilt.com slash GGE and skim.

Shop skims holiday shop at skims.com. Yes, and thanks to Addie. Learn more at adi.com. A.D.D.Y.com. And thank you to Fatty 15. Get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription starter kit at fatty15.com slash gge with code GGE. And while we're here, just want to say Black Friday's coming up. If you know us, you know that we typically do a Black Friday sale for vibes only.

year will be no different. So save your money, spend it on yourself, spend it on your orgasms. And just watch for the announcements. We have an amazing newsletter. We would love if you guys sign up for it. They're very cute and fun and informative. And we take a lot of pride in them. So the newsletter, of course, you can sign up on the website and then vibes only.com and then vibes only on Instagram. It's our biggest sale of the year. Bigest sale of the year. We've added two new toys to the line in the last couple of months. So there's AirPulse Vibrators if you like it. There's wands. there are handhelds. There's great partner toys. We have cockering, suck and blowjell. There's tons of stuff for solo play and partner play. And so biggest sale of the year are you guys this Black Friday. Yes. And I can't think of a better gift. That's the best gift you could give somebody. Totally. Is a vibrator or, you know, you're a partner. Suck and blowjell. Just, you know, a little stocking stuffer. Here's your blowjob tonight, babe. If you stocking stuff for blowjell, you are an icon. Just check the site and really see what we have and see what's going to be good for you or someone you love or someone you love. Or someone you will. want to embarrass on Christmas morning.

I love that too. You have someone you want to fuck with, passive-aggressively? I think you should give it to your dad or your brother. Yeah. Maybe I'll bring up for my sister-in-law. But yes, right now I am in, I'm in Paris today. If you guys are tuning in. Okay.

And then tomorrow I'm going to London. And I'm excited. Yay, I know. Meet my little guy. Get to meet him for the first time. Yeah, I'm so excited. Talked about him last week. And his prominent features.

He does. He just looks like a man. Even when he's sleeping. Like, even when his eyes are closed. And I just, I can't get enough of them. I told you this morning I was like, what's he up to? Boot. Yeah.

I know you got to keep tabs. I can't wait. My dad's coming and I don't know that we're going to do much. I think we're just going to like hang around. My dad keeps being like, what's the plan? I'm like hang out with the baby. Yeah. That's not going to be.

That's always the baby makes the plans. I don't think we're a party. Yeah. Right. Yeah. My trips to Dewey Beach are definitely different since Matt had a baby. Of course. Yeah.

What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Oh, thanks for asking. So as this episode airs, I will be traveling from Boston to Delaware. So the weekend before Thanksgiving, just this past weekend, I would have went to see my fiancé. And we're going to do some holiday stuff, get a tree. Even though it's a little early, that's the only time I'm probably going to be in Boston until our holiday shows. It's not. Exactly.

That's crazy. I saw people studying them up on November first. Oh, I know. Yeah. But, you know, it's every to each their own. So going to be there the weekend before Thanksgiving, which I did that last year too, probably see his family a little bit and then going to Delaware for the week and then he is coming like Thanksgiving night late so he's going to spend the day with his family and do kind of like an

earlier Thanksgiving like dinner lunch supper and then he'll come to Delaware and we're actually going to do our big Thanksgiving dinner Friday so for a couple a couple reasons like with my sister-in-law's family and my fiance getting in late so we're basically just everything's going to you don't want a Celebrating America. Well, it's not for the July. I mean, it's still. Yeah. It's an American Hudson.

It's a celebration of America. Yeah. So that'll be great to have him there for Thanksgiving and do some fun holiday stuff that weekend, maybe down at the beach. And that's the plan. Yeah. So that would be great. And then we come back and we're here for a little bit. And then we set out on our holiday shows.

I can't wait. So we'll see you guys in New York and Boston. Still a few tickets left. for one of the New York shows and one of the Boston shows. So grab those. We can't wait to see you. We'll see you guys soon.

We were like, what should we talk about this week? And Ashley was like, could do some like gratituding? Let's gratitude. Let's gratitude. What are you gratuiting about? It's tough.

This year's tough. I don't know. I have the same stuff I'm always grateful for it. Oh my God. Skip. Being alive. that's it. I'm healthy.

Yes. No, seriously. I'm healthy. That's great. You know, as you get older, just stuff breaks down. I'm healthy. My boobs look great. My body looks great.

No, I'm grateful for this audience. As always, that's always the first thing that comes to mind. It's just like, you guys are what allows us to do what we do year after year. We're going to start our eighth year of the podcast in 2025. I just, what an honor to have all these people tune in every week. and we started this second episode and it's been received really well. And so I'm just, I'm really grateful for that. Obviously, I'm grateful for you and Tessa. I couldn't do anything without you guys. And our whole team at vibes only. And obviously everybody that supports us there and my family,

my new nephew, my new house. And it's been, it's been a nice year. Yeah. I'm just, I'm grateful for everything that I have. And to have this microphone, to have a platform, like what an honor that people listen to you. And I think I did it. I echo all that for sure. We always feel so thankful for what we get to do and those of you that support us doing it. And again, there was changes this year, new network, new episode, and you guys really embraced it. And we just have really loved getting messages from you. I mean, we get messages from you sometimes. I'm like, how do I? I don't deserve this. Like, it's so, it's just an honor to have people tell us that we inspire them. And so the feeling is mutual. We love you guys back. Most of you. But it all comes down to like the people around me.

I mean, I think about this every day. The people in my life, you know, my family, you, my fiancé, obviously, I'm thankful. I got engaged this year. That was something I manifested. So it was no big surprise. No, I'm kidding. I feel really thankful. But I think about it to the point of almost being too morbid where I worry about something

happening to people because the thing that gets me through the day is the people around me. Like I am nothing without my support system and my circle. and that is like the thing that matters the most. I've always said this. Like that's the thing that makes me feel rich. You know, those are the things that there's no price tag on. It's not the money in your bank account.

It's like I felt like this for a long time. Like I had an awakening of like I feel so lucky to have like the family I do and the friends I do and the people around me. And that's the main thing that matters. This is who gets you through tough times. Hot take. But I just feel really thankful every day. You know, it's like health.

and the people around me and the people that love me and support me and Azul, of course, you know, and just that's really it. That's the thing that matters. And, you know, I stay being thankful. I stay gratitude about it. I agree with you. I've still. I forgot to think my friends, I think. I'm happy for them too. Like your friends. I think Tessa and I just forgot about my friends. Tezza, I love you just as much as though. But yeah, all those, all those things. It was a beautiful sentiment. Yeah. So I think, you know, it's a great time to reflect on that. Some people, wake up every day in gratitude journal and some people wake up every day choose hate they choose violence but you know no time like thanksgiving to really think about this and like what you are thankful for

and what makes you feel rich you know what I mean like what makes you feel like lucky and like I'm so lucky to have this even if it's just like one person or one pet you know the thing that makes you feel like no one else gets to have this thing that that I have if you could pay you. like one person though. Who would that be would you say? If you could just have one. Pass. Don't answer that.

No, I had like, oh, like who would I want to die first? Yeah. If somebody had to die, who would you save? If Sparkle-Lize and I are both hanging off of a bridge. Oh my God, I'm not doing it. I can't even look at you. So you'll be able to see my answer in my eyes. I'm the one that makes you money rich.

But you'll choose love. It's okay. I love you too. It's a different kind of love. It's less sexual. Okay. Let's take a darker turn about Thanksgiving. What are you guys going to do about your fucked-to-family members?

I mean, we've done this every year. I mean, we get so many messages. And the tone is different, obviously, depending on who's president. But like, how do I handle the holidays? Of course, there's like a lot of anxiety around. Like, I'm single around the holidays. How does that feel? But this year, obviously, a lot of anxiety around.

sitting across from certain family members that don't feel the way that you do. And I feel in the past, I've taken a more like, just try to, not placate, but like, you don't need to start fights with people. You can calmly say to somebody, like, I'm just not interested in discussing this. I really encourage you to just protect your peace this year and do whatever is going to make you feel the safest. And if that means not going to something or not staying in somebody's house and just going to dinner but not sleeping over, you know, like I know everybody doesn't have the luxury.

Right. Just do stuff start to come up when more alcohol gets flowing. Right. You know. And I know that everybody doesn't have the luxury of staying in a hotel. But like I have done that in the past at holidays because I do find that like I can go for dinner for a few hours. And yeah, maybe when that alcohol has been flowing for a lot of hours, start, fight

start. And I just, I'll tap in for three hours and I go home. It's funny because like nothing's cheaper than hotels and people's hometowns. We live in a city like nothing's cheaper than the Hampton in, the Hampton in in Somerna. That is so true. I know not everybody like Cliffs is going on. No, I stay in like a strip mall in Pittsburgh when I go home. Yeah, there's a bunch of motels to choose from in Smyrna, Delaware.

I'll stay at my dad sometimes. It's interesting. I just saw this Huff Post article come into my feed. It says my husband and his family voted for Trump, so I'm canceling Thanksgiving and Christmas. Again, that's someone else's words. And just, you know, I'm not going to. I can't hold hands. with these people, you know, and that's fine. If that's, like, you don't have to go, you know,

but I understand that's not realistic for a lot of people where they don't want to do that. Of course. You know what I mean? People want to celebrate the holidays with the people that they love, that they still love, despite maybe having different values. I know it's difficult. I mean, my friends that struggle with this, like, again, we talk about being thankful and I, I like to tread lightly because I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I think about this all the time. Like my family, every single person, my family feels the same, you know, like at this point, Like we all share the same values when it comes to this and the politics of it all. And I feel so thankful.

And I think of one friend who is really struggling with this. And she's been struggling with it for years. And she loves her mom and dad and her brother. And I've met them. And I've had a fun time with them, you know, like they've been kind to me. I mean, and she's like, I don't know how to get past this. And I will say, you know, she is engaged now. and so she's kind of got that partner.

And that can really be helpful, whether it is a partner or a friend. You bring a friend with you, or that's a sibling or a cousin that you have. I like that you will have the support system that you know you have. You're not alone on an island. And not everybody has that. Like some people feel really isolated. But I can see a world in which you're like, we might be surrounded by people that feel differently than us, but I have that one cousin and we can kick each other under the

table. And like I at least know that there's someone in the room that feels the way that I feel. And I think there's a spectrum of this. right. So there's like one rogue family member who might start popping off and you know that he's kind of an outlier or maybe there's just your immediate family like my friend I just mentioned, but she knows what to expect. So at least she knows it's like mom, dad, brother and it's just like a tight circle and at least she kind of knows how to manage them or, you know, kind of worst case is like a large family gathering where you don't know what's going to happen. And it makes you feel

really unsettled to walk into the unknown and worry that you're going to get super activated and triggered. So I just think like really take an inventory of what you're walking into. And again, like Raina said, you don't have to go. It's a support system. And like setting those boundaries beforehand, you know, like what are you going to do? Like you can even decide to message whoever, your parents or whatever, and say, I really don't want to talk about these things at Thanksgiving. Like if that's how you feel, some people can't hold back and I respect that too. But, you know, having the boundaries beforehand and then having the exit plan and just like being prepared. so you don't walk in and are super surprised.

And I think the self-talk, too, like, have your breathing exercises, you know, do your serenity prayer if you need to, you know, like whatever's going to help get you through it. I think these are like some tools and there's plenty of other tools on the internet. But I think kind of like assessing the situation beforehand and like just kind of coming up with a game plan. And I mean, hopefully, you know, you have somebody that's got your back too. And I said that before. I said that I had a X that I never really encountered this, but there was always a, a

chance, you know, where his family felt a lot differently than me. And, like, I knew that he felt the same as me and he had my back. And, like, that's sort of his responsibility to, to handle them. You know, I'm not going to ruin a family holiday. Right. It's not your family. I just, I think people are really afraid of confrontation and it really gives them a lot of anxiety. I'm not, I love confrontation. Walk rid in that shit. I'm ready for, I don't start a fight, but I will engage in a fight. No, don't start no shit. I'm not, I feel you started it. Yeah. I'm never going to start a fight, but I will engage in a fight. Anyways, I, I think a lot of people are really afraid of confrontation. I think that, like, if you need to, like, practice in the mirror, just saying, like,

can we just not do this tonight? I just, I'm not trying, I don't want to get into this tonight. I want to, like, enjoy dinner. I want you to enjoy dinner. I want everybody to, like, have fun together. Like, can we just, can we just not do this? Like, I don't know who would be like, oh, we're going to do this right now. I mean, then they're the asshole. You've asked a very nice, very calm. Can we have a three-hour dinner and not get into politics? Right. And can you kind of separate what someone means to you if it's like an uncle, you know, like I really feel for people who immediate family who love them, who are close with them, struggle with this. And I don't really have the answer. You know, this is to each their own. Like people are like, I cannot see this person the same way. Like how can I believe that my parents, you know, felt the way that they did? And so I really, I just, I sympathize with you. I'm sorry that I don't have a better answer for you. I mean, this is stuff I talk about with my friends too. And really it's like a case by case. basis. And I think, like, the boundaries I mentioned, you kind of jog my memory, like, you can add into it. Like, can we not have the news on? You know, like, if these people, if they want to get

along with you too, like, can we just set the boundaries together? Because that's, that's shit, too. You know, you walk into a place. And it's just, you know, whatever's on the TV that you disagree with. And it's triggering immediately. And like, even I was, you know, us guys, we don't shy away from politics, but there is a point where, like, I mean, my parents, like, obviously, we know how they feel, but, like, when I was home sometimes in Delaware, like, during the election cycle, like, the amount of commercials, you know, like, because they're watching local news or whatever they're doing, like, I couldn't hand. It was just, like, really, like, so triggering and, like, obnoxious, you know, like,

some of that stuff, you're just like the actual noise in the room can activate you. Yeah, perfect time of year to put on a Christmas movie. A fireplace? Yeah, put it on the YouTube fire. Just go on YouTube and just type in fire. a place. It's the best. Put in some music. I just, I think it's a perfectly normal question to just say, like, I find this little antagonistic. I'm not going to change my mind. I'm not looking to change my mind. I'm not looking to change your mind. So if we could just not do this tonight, there's a whole world of other stuff we could talk about. Yeah. You know, and I think that's a perfectly normal request. And if somebody will not abide by that, then like, I don't know, stay on the other side of the room from them or leave early. I don't know. And I, you know, I'm telling you, I mean, this might not really resonate with everybody, but if you have the opportunity, logistics. And I don't know, I'm telling you know, I'm telling you know, to bring a friend who wasn't going to do anything else, fucking do it.

Jewish friends. Not for Thanksgiving or Christmas. For Christmas. Yes. Bring your Jewish friend to Christmas. Like, it's nice to have that. You know,

it's really nice to have someone have your back. I feel like every year for Thanksgiving, I always have friends that are like not going home. And like, I'm always happy to have them. You know, like I think there's always people that are just like, yeah,

I'm not going to go home this year and like include them. I think that's a nice idea. Yeah. So, you know, good luck, you guys. We love you. We're on your side. Thinking about you. Okay, well, we're just going to thank some of our partners, and then we will get right back into it.

So PSA, for anyone who rents. If you haven't heard of Bill, you're about to thank us. Earning points on rent is now a reality when you pay your rent through Bill. You don't even have to check with your landlord to start earning points that you can use toward flights, hotels days, fitness classes, even your next rent payment. Let me break it down for you. There's no cost to join Build. And as a member, you'll earn valuable points on rent and on your everyday spending. Both points can be transferred to your favorite hotels and airlines.

and even the ones you haven't heard of. There are over 500 airlines and 700,000 hotels and properties around the world that you can redeem your build points towards. Points can also be redeemed towards a future rent payment and unique experience that only build members can access. So if you're not earning points on rent, my question is, why not? Start earning points on rent. You're already paying by going to joinbilt.com slash g-g-e.

That's j-o-in-b-b-l-t.com. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. it join and build.com to start earning points on your rent payments today. Okay. And I'm so excited to share with you guys, really incredible scientific breakthrough that supports our long-term health and wellness. So this is fatty 15. I'll tell you a little bit more about it.

C-15 is the first essential fatty acid to be discovered in 90 years. Studies have confirmed that's three times better, broader, and safer than omega-3. So I'm sure you guys have, like, heard of omega-3. And everybody these days, like, wants to be healthier. We're all like biohacking, anti-aging, all of that. And this might be of interest to some of you guys. So a new study has come out about the first new nutritional deficiency in 75 years called Cellular Fragility Syndrome caused by a lack of the essential fatty acid C-15.

As many as one in three people worldwide may have low C-15 levels in cellular fragility, which can accelerate aging-related breakdown and impair metabolic liver and heart health. So one in three people may have that. And that's not something you're going to maybe know or see data. day, but this is really going to impact you long term. So basically, it's pretty simple. Essential nutrients, keep our cells healthy. And if you want to get sciencey about it, study shows that C-15 works by strengthening ourselves, improving our mitochondrial function and protecting us against damaging free radicals. So again, this just means better long-term,

metabolic liver and heart health. Who doesn't want that? A lot of us are efficient in it, like I mentioned, and this is really going to help with all that. It's going to repair age-related damage to cells, protect them from future breakdown, boosts. mitochondrial energy output and activates pathways in our body that help regulate our sleep, mood, natural repair mechanisms that support our overall health. So I think you guys are hearing everything I'm saying. I mean, like better sleep, better health overall, healthier hair, skin, and nails, all of this stuff. And we really love the packaging on fatty 15. It comes in this gorgeous, reusable glass bamboo jar. Refill capsules are shipped to you, so you're going to keep the jar.

And we just like that they're being sustainable when it comes to the packaging as well. And they can ship it to you quarterly. Pouches are made for. recycled materials. So we just love this. I mean, again, it's like, people are like, what is like one thing I can do to really help my overall health and really long term and feel better, look better? And this is going to be one of those things. So Faddy 15 is on a mission to replenish your C15 levels and restore your long term health. You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription starter kit by going to fatty15.com slash gge and using code GGE at checkout. Okay. I'm very excited to talk about this. This came across our desk via Tessa.

Yeah. She found an article on Bustle, and the article is titled, should I tell my boyfriend the truth about my exes? Which I think is so interesting. So let me read you the question that's posed by this reader. I've hosted a few parties, and some of my exes have come in attendance with their current girlfriends or situationships. My boyfriend has met them, but I haven't told him about my past with these people. I feel guilty, but early in our relationship, we made an agreement to not tell each other about our previous romantic flings.

So she does say flings, not like people we seriously dated. Okay. And then people just kind of unpack this thing. She said, it's weird seeing an act shake hands with my boyfriend knowing that only one of them has the full picture. When my partner asks how we know each other, I can't help but feel like I'm withholding important context. Should I tell him the truth if we're going to see these people regularly or is it best left

unsaid? So a couple things that play here. Flings, not boyfriends, but we are seeing them regularly. I know. It's tough. So what I do like is that they had the conversation beforehand, like, on new. neutral ground before the situation presented itself. Like, I, I like that they can go back to like, well, this is what we agreed upon before. Like, again, you don't have to have that conversation with

your partner, but I like that discussion. Like, do you want to know about my past? Everybody really is different, you know, like, and I'm a little wary of the guy that says, yes, I need to know everything. I can't be in the room with somebody you've slept with. Right. We're not fighting him or whatever the fuck or taking it out on you. That's red flags. But I don't know. One of my, my tips for this whole thing was conversation beforehand so you know how to handle it when the situation does arise. It's an interesting conversation. The way I see this coming up is just her saying to him like, if I've just like slept with somebody that's around, you want to know. And he's probably like, no, I don't even know that shit. Like it probably wasn't some like really serious sit down,

but like just like a would you want to know kind of thing. And I don't know. I go back. I mean, they did set the boundaries. So no. I mean, he told you ahead of time he doesn't want to know. Yeah. It's really tricky because my main points with all this. are when you're going to be around this person. You know, like, if you run into someone once or they're bartending at a restaurant, you're at, you don't need to be like, I hooked up with him. I dated him. That's my ex.

You know, like, you can do, but I don't think most people care or want to know that. Again, if they do, like a little, very positive to me. Yeah. But when they're going to be around it, like, I get what she's saying. Like, they're dapping it up and she's like only one of you knows. But now it's like, is she too far gone? I mean, you would hope that. He never finds out and that's that, you know.

It's like so tricky. I mean, it's not tricky because he said, I don't want to know. So I think that you're off, Scott-free. He says, how do you guys know each other? And you're like, we're friends. I know. If you know in your heart that you're not attracted to that person, it's never going to be a problem. Why would you make your partner feel uncomfortable about something that is only going to hurt them?

Yeah, I think I'm veering towards that. Just let this go. The only thing that comes, like, I had a very, not similar situation, but I have a very close guy. friend who we slept together in the beginning of our relationship for like six weeks. And this was a decade ago. And I really liked him. I did have feelings for him. This was not like a fling for me in the like it was painful for me. I wanted to date him. He didn't want to date. But we are 10 years past that. This could not be more platonic to me at this point. Like I mean, he might as well be a brother to me. Yeah. I fucked in the past. But I was dating somebody long term and he just like never asked.

Yeah. Like did you guys ever hook up? And I never offered the. information and like it's out there on the podcast. I've talked about it. So like if he's ever asked, like it would be weird for him to ask like six months down the road. I used to think like, what if he asks? Did you guys ever hook up? And then it's like, why did you never bring this up to me? I've been around this person like 10 times and you didn't tell me. But I'm, I guess my defense is like this happened so many years ago. It would only serve to upset you. What is this knowledge? What kind of power does this knowledge give you? Yeah, I know. And then you're, questioning when we're spending time together and getting insecure about it where you don't need

to be like you couldn't be farther from ever wanting to be with him again. The only time I think that like you are really an asshole is when somebody like I had an ex who had a good for a girlfriend and I it just, it bothered me a little bit and I asked a few questions about her and it was always like we're just friends. We're just like years after we broke up, he admitted me they'd slept together and I was like so I did have a reason to be upset and then like when somebody makes you feel like you have no reason to be upset and you're crazy or something. Like it would be different if somebody's like, I think something happened.

Just be honest. Is it anything about it? And you lie. You outright lie. Yeah. If somebody asks you point blank, did you guys fuck? I think you should be honest.

Yeah. Because the lie is always worse. Yeah. It's always the thing that's going to get me is the lying. But this is just actually so tricky. Because he says like, how do you guys know each other? And it's like, do you really want,

what you told me how to tell you? Yeah. Like I'm thinking of my fiancee if there was some, girl that was around a lot and they, you know, had a past so long ago and their friends or she's just in the circle, you know, and I would find that out. Like, I wouldn't love it, but I'd have to get over it. I mean, I'm secure in our relationship. I don't know if I would love if that was like his bestie. They were talking every day. That's tough. Uh-huh. But like it happens. Like, you're an example of it, you know, of someone.

that he's the least of your worries, let me tell you, you know, for a partner of yours. So that you have to be able to reflect on yourself. Like you have to be like, okay, but do I have a friend like this? You know, that there's nothing between us, but we hooked up however many years ago. It's just funny because him and I spent so much solo time together. We travel together. Like we've done so much stuff together. Like it couldn't be more platonic, but I understand somebody being like what's going on here.

And I don't know. At some point you have to be like secure enough in your relationship to know that like, Like you two, like I could see him telling you that and you also feeling like, this is not a threat. You know? Yes, of course. Like we're, it's not a threat. I guess I'm just like, could I just like die not knowing? That's my preference.

I think it's my preference. Like I don't want to be, but I don't want to be blindsided and find out years from now. But if I did, I would also understand why didn't tell me. So I wouldn't be mad at him because I feel the same way. But yet my preference is like, I don't want to know that. I think I just like if I really think about it, I know tons of couples that like a friend slept with one of them very early on like eight years before that couple started dating. And it's like the current partner doesn't need to know. What would that help?

Yeah. So anyways, I think that I think I'm in the camp of I don't really need to know unless it's really, unless I ask you point blank. And then I do want an honest answer. Yeah. I like the writer of this article. This was on Bustle, Sophia Benoit. And she says personally, I don't necessarily want to know about. every single person my boyfriend has ever hooked up with, not my business, not my problem. But if

I'm frequently crossing past and interacting with a serious X, I feel like a heads up would be good. But again, serious X, not because of envy or concern that he still might be into her, but simply because it's kind of awkward to not know, especially if I'm the one in the dark. If you dated, that would be weird if I asked you like, what's up with you guys? You just didn't tell me. Right. That's crazy. And she says, if you tell him, your partner, I get mad, then I would skip telling him. You've already agreed to not talk about it. So please don't feel guilty about holding back. And then, then it says like he might be a little bummed out. So later check in with him.

Not right after the conversation, but the end of the night or the next morning, you might say something like, I know we talked about not sharing info about our exes. Is that still the plan? I don't want to feel like we're withholding anything from each other. Talk it out. You might reevaluate the agreement or find out that he's not even remotely jealous. And then if you don't tell him, TBD. I think I'm in the camp of you decided I had a time to not talk about it.

This was just a fling. She's also saying these people have other girlfriends in situationships that therewith. I'm in the camp of just keep it to yourself. And then she also says sometimes not sharing information isn't about hiding a sordid truth, but rather understanding that the information is not necessarily helpful to your partner. Exactly. Even if your guy isn't a possessive weirdo, and even if your ex is not the one who got away, sometimes unwanted info is upsetting. Which brings us to the one that got away, which is our topic today. Nailed it. And what, another bustle article? Another bustle article. But this comes from TikTok. So it's TikTok's first love theory.

If it's not TikTok, it's bustle. Yeah, right? That's where we get all of our information from. TikTok's first love theory might explain why you're not over your ex. So we just started talking in general about like people that just have the one that got away. And some of it is this first love theory that applies mostly to men, I think. So first love theory is the notion that men never forget their first love. They will always remember her.

I want to get back with her. They will always be looking for a version of her in their next partner. The theory typically refers to guys in heterosexual relationships since they seem to be extra, hung up on their first loves. It can't happen to anybody, of course, but the phenomenon is relatable bringing with nostalgia, yet as some people worried their current partner will never love them quite like they loved their ex. Yeah, I mean, and this aside, we always talk about guys' first love or like the first girl that broke their heart just fucks them up forever. Like, we knew so many men who were in their 30s who were just like still fucked up from their college girlfriend, who had not committed

to anyone since they were 19 years old. Yeah. And that's not. so dissimilar. You know, it's this like being hung up on something and not being able to get over it. And I really think it is a little more of a male trait. It is a male trait. We will unpack why, but, you know, it definitely is because of the way that men and women process trauma and breakups and disappointing situations. And you look at like men are really socialized to not think about things, put it in a box, don't share your emotions. I don't think men have communities like women do where you sit around with all your guy friends, you talk about it in nauseam. You know, I think about the breakups I've had in my life or just the disappointing situations with men. And like,

there's one person in particular, you have listened to me cry about 500 times in the last however many years. Like, I'm going to my solo credit, 50 times. But like, it's a hard 50, you guys. I have a lot of people that have been like a sounding board for me in that situation. And I have, you know, a mother that would be a sounding board and women go to therapy and they journal and they try to find hobbies and push through this. And I'm not saying this is 100% for all women and 100% for all men, but typically men are socialized to not find a lot of community around a breakup and talk about it and unpack it and figure out why it didn't work, you know?

And I think then you are hanging on to something that you haven't really processed. Yeah. I mean, when we talk about the one that got away, I personally think that women pick the right person and men pick the right time. And that doesn't always translate across everybody. but this is also the cab light theory. I mean, this is that women will make it work if they think it's the right person. And men just pick the first person that comes along when it's the right time, you know,

whether they're hung up on the one that got away too. But like, I really think our brains operate a little bit differently. Again, this doesn't apply to everybody. But I think women really try to make something work, even if the landscape is not perfect at the right time. And guys more easily can shut it down and convince themselves that it won't work and walk away. and that's why they have that one that got away. Like, to me, the one that got away, which it should be the one who got away,

but I think that just sounds better, you know, grammatically. But no, I'm saying, like the one who got away doesn't hit the same, but that is grammatically correct, so don't come at me. But the keyword is the one, right? So this is someone you thought could be the one. And then got away implies that you let them slip away. Not that you got dumped. If they dumped you, that's not the one that got away.

Like, to me, the theory is like you did something to let this person who could have been the one slip through your fingers. And I think a lot of times men. let great women slip through their fingers because the timing isn't right. And I don't think women do that as much. I think women are like, no, that's a solid person. The timing could be wrong. Our jobs could be going in different directions or where we even live and they still will try harder to make it work. I love what you said. And I think that women will move mountains for somebody. And I think that if it's not the right time in your life, you'll make it the right time and

you'll figure out how to move. And I think women are also trained to like placate and fit to a certain box, but I think that men, like, how many times do you hear, like, I can't commit to this because I don't make enough money right now. I don't have the career that I want. I can't be a husband right now. And you just, we're socialized differently, you know? And I just, I love what you said. I think it really is true. And it's not 100% for each gender. But, like, more commonly, this happens to men, where they're just like, she was the best thing that I ever had in my life. And I let her slip away. And almost not 100% of my guy friends, but, most of my guy friends have this girl from college.

It's always college. And I don't really have a lot of girlfriends that have this story. And I was sort of mining my own life and thinking like, do I have this? Because like I have relationships that ended and I mourned them and I didn't get the closure I wanted. And I have people that I think that our light just sort of burned out too quickly. But not like I had this great thing and I just kicked it to the curb. Yeah. And I wonder if guys just have a tendency to romanticize that person more where,

we all have them, but women are like, he wouldn't be right for me now. You know, like, that's the whole thing. Like, sometimes you are wrong. Like, sometimes the one that got away comes back. You're like, that's not the person for me. You know, like, I think of that a lot because like, I remember I had this one situation. I was dating this guy and another guy came into the mix and I kind of ended things with the first guy and went with the new guy and I thought I was in love with him and that ended poorly. And he cheated and it was a whole mess. And it was a whole mess. And, and I kind of ended. And And I always regretted the first guy. Like I called him, you know, kind of in a joking way. But I called him the one that got away for years. Like I was like, we had a really good thing going. The way we met, we had a good story. And I really liked him. He made me laugh.

And it was a good vibe. And then he moved away. And then it was just, you know, I lived in Atlanta. He lived in another city. And so I was like, well, that's over. And I think he kind of knew. I think he kind of knew I chose someone else. And he had self-respect.

And so that was really it. And we connected years. later. I thought about him a lot. I was like, should I message him? And I would see him on social media. And we connected years later. And we started talking all the time. And then I went to visit him. And not right for me. Couldn't have been more wrong. And we still got a long grade, but there were things that made it not work. And that was not it. You know, I romanticized that. I'm glad I tried to make it work again. So I knew. But like, I'm just saying that sometimes you are not right. Like you've grown. You know, like, especially if it was 10 years. ago. Like, you don't know what kind of person they turned into or if they'd even mesh with you now. So I think sometimes that's the self-talk of like, let it go. We probably wouldn't be right for me

anyway. I want to respond to multiple things you said. So when you were talking about, like, you know, you think about this person from the past and I think about how people process things, I think that like if you were the kind of person after a breakup is being ends, the way you process is you make lists of the pros and cons and you talk to everybody around you. And like, the people that were around you at that time can remind you that those things happen. And again, if you are socialized to do those things, you have an easier time not romanticizing the past because, like, you can look back and be like, no, I have a checkpoint for the fact that actually this wasn't really that great. And like, when I've had breakups, this sounds, I don't care how petty it sounds. I will like save those notes in my phone or as a word doc somewhere. Like, just to remind myself when I go back, like, you might have a really romanticized rose colored glasses of what this was, but it wasn't that in the moment. Like, remember how this felt in the moment. And like, I. I opened up this book the other day. And I read it a lot over the years.

And I opened up the back page and it was a pros and cons list of my first ex in New York. And why he was terrible. The second thing on the list was he cheats on me a lot. And then I wrote a whole bunch of other stuff. Like that wasn't enough. But like, still need convincing. Everybody around me was like, that's terrible.

And if I ever would have been like, I think maybe we would get back together with him. Like the support system around me would be like, bum, bup, bup, but, you know? But I think it's easy to like look at the past through like rose-collar glasses. is why I'm remembering this conversation we had years ago on hindsight being 2020. And we're like, no, it's not. It's actually so wrong. Like, I'm trying to remember the conversation of like, hindsight is not 2020. We actually look back on it in the rose color glasses of it all.

Like, which is true. Hindsight is 2020 or we look back with rose color glasses, which is accurate. Yeah, I guess it could be a little bit of both. But anyway, it just, I remembered a moment on the podcast so many years ago back like in the old studio. That is so funny. I think it's really easy to. that idealized, have this like idealized version of past relationships specifically from the time in your life when you were in college because it just wasn't easier time. Like you were more naive

and you hadn't been through so much pain and you also just didn't have any, how of as many, have as much baggage in your life. You didn't have the bills that you're going to have and, you know, am I going to get this job? Do you have to move to this new city? Like you were a really simple person back then. It was easy to have an easy relationship. And when we look back and we're like, it felt so good. Like, you hadn't yet experienced a lot of pain in life. Sure, some people have, but I hadn't. I didn't have a lot of issues when I was 18, 19.

So, like, it's easy to look back at those relationships and be like, it was so easy and it was so good. It's like, yeah, it was easy. Because you know anything else to, like, to deal with. It's so true. Like, you just, you develop more responsibility and pick up more baggage and just more shit as you go from middle school to high school to college, if that's your path, to adulthood or whatever your path is. I've seen that so many times.

I mean, I feel like even when I was in college, I'm thinking of a girl who used to just talk about her high school ex all the time. I'm like, life was pretty easy for us before social media. Just living in our parents' house, you know, like maybe working a little fun job in the weekends playing sports. Like, we're happy carefree high schoolers. Like life is so different. So I love that you said that, this like idealization of the past.

I think that you hear people say like, I loved that relationship. was so easy going and carefree. Life was easy and carefree. You know? Like that's not who that person would be today. Like you're imagining a time in life, not a person. Like that person is encapsulated in that year when life was just easy. But that goes back to men versus women, the time versus the person.

Like it goes back to like women pick the right person, men pick the right time. Women like look back and can realize it was about a person and men look back at and they're fantasizing about the past because of the time. Totally. Like when I was 19, I expected different things from a partner. I didn't have the vocabulary to ask for certain things. I didn't need certain things. To ask for 10 years later, because I'm 29,

I need different things from somebody. There's different parameters. There's different boundaries. That's just what being an adult is. And so I refuse to be compared to somebody. You dated in college. Right. Because that's a kid.

You miss that kid. Yeah, that's a kid. And it's like, it's a little fucking weird. to me when I hear like grown men being like that girl I dated when I was like 20 and 21 what about that did you like that she was 21 yeah that's what you liked about it I still want that now yeah about 40 yeah 21 year olds are hot you know I mean it gets weird or with age like if I met a man it's 40 now that was talking about that hard yeah but we saw that a lot in our 30s randestown our 30s allegedly I am a lot of led don't allegedly me I know but I'm saying like

guys in their early 30s, like, still doing that college girlfriend thing. And not always college. It could be early 20s, but it's like, these guys have this a lot of times that, like, quote unquote, first love that they're still fucked up from. Or again, like, you said at the beginning, comparing every girl to. And you can never live up because she's not real. She's not. Like, you're comparing me to somebody that had, like, didn't have anything to ask of you.

Like, I went on Reddit this morning. I was just looking for, like, first love, the one that got away stories. And this guy, one of his stories was like, my girlfriend college was so fun. She just got along with all the boys and played video games and just drank beer. And she was, yeah. Did you talk about a kid? Yeah. She should have shit to do. Yeah. I'm sure she wanted to hang out with your dumb bros.

But like, I don't want to do that in my adulthood, play video games with you guys. Like, it's just I refuse to be held to the standard of a child. I won't do it. I won't be compared to it. I know. I told her just before, but I had a friend in high school and she just never got over her middle school boyfriend. And I was like, bitch, we're in high school. Now, let go with middle school, bitch. Like, I think it was like this actually still the same theory of just like life was easier.

We were in middle school. I mean, not for a lot of people. That can be tough. But something about it, I was always just like, this is so corny and pathetic. Like, let go. Like, she had her, like, dream relationship. I was like, we were 12. We're in high school now in the big leagues.

You got to forget about it. And she never really got over him. That's crazy. She was also, like, too romantic. like two, like lived in like a rom-com, like romance novel kind of person. But like I remember even senior year, she was still, she had another boyfriend. She would still be romanticizing her eighth grade boyfriend. That's crazy.

And listen, of course you're exemptions it every rule, whatever. Like, yeah, of course you could meet the love of your life in high school and you hear it all the time. Or middle school. You hear it all the time people get divorced and they like find their high school ex on Facebook and like they get back together. Like you hear this all the time. I love acknowledging that too. I think that's really special. Like I think a lot of times we meet people. We really have a true connection and where the timing isn't right. We're too young. We're not ready. Whatever it may be. And they come back into our life and you end up with them. And I've said this before on the podcast, but if you're new here, you haven't heard it. My grandmother had a high school sweetheart and they broke up at the end of high school. And she was a little too wild for him. She was really ahead of her time. You know, and she just felt like he was like, you know, not really her vibe. And she married someone else, my mom's dad. And he passed. My maternal grandfather, I never got to meet him.

He passed before I was born. And she was single for a lot of years. She really helped raise me. And then her high school sweetheart came a knock in. And his wife passed way later in life. And they reunited and they got back together and they got married in their 60s maybe. And I mean, I was still like a kid. But I, that was my grandfather that I knew for the next like 20 years.

and it was just really a special story. And so that's very like the notebook type of shit. No, I think it's beautiful. You know, they came back together and they had that history. It's like really so special. I guess for me it's like the kind of guy that you meet and he's just like a refusal to like settle down or commit or he's comparing you to that person. No, but like that. You think that guy did that would stop loving her?

Like I feel bad for his wife. He probably liked his wife, though. I'm sure. He like did a good job with her. he said to her like I always loved you yeah of course a man always still loved you when you're 15 he's like oh when you're 15 you're 15 you're so easy to be with but I'm just saying like he validated it there's 60

he's like I never stop loving you Mary Alice there is not one person that could come back into my life from high school that I'd be like I never stopped loving you it's crazy okay well let's talk about our other partners and get back into it Raina's going to tell us about the Skims Holiday Shop. I might jump in if I feel the urge. Why is it? And now Raina's going to do this thing. You guys, I love the Skims holiday shop.

It is the best place to shop for gifts for people. They do great stuff every single year. I literally buy pajamas, I buy pajamas, underwear bras for people. It's great stocking stuffers. The underwear that I have right now is the fits everybody cheeky briefs. Their gift wrapped in these really cute boxes, they're so beautiful. And they have limited time color sets. So there's lots of pinks and reds and fuchsas in there.

Their thongs are so nice. I wear them almost every single day, seriously. And the soft lounge sleeps that perfect, perfect holiday gift. They have this brick color right now. It's a button down top. And kind of like a tighter lounge pant. There's a bit of a rib on them. They're so soft.

I wear them around the house. I have the black and now I have the brick color. And anybody in your life, I'm going to get them for my sister-in-law because she's like just the baby. You want to get some nice. And if you're like a matching pajamas couple or family, this is the way to go. I love the holiday shop because it's broke down by recipient. So we have gifts for her, gifts for him,

sexiest holiday ever, Lux gifts. But I love the gifts for him. Guys are hard to shop for. You know, and I just like looking at the guys on the site, to be honest. But the guy's stuff is so sexy. And this is stuff that guys really don't buy for themselves too. You know, like this men's sleep set, there's flannel and just even like cozy socks and the boxers. I love the I love the skims boxers. So I just love that you can go there and just shop for everybody on your list and shop by price too, under 50, under 100, under 200. So we're obsessed with it. But they're really something for everybody.

Shop skims holiday shop at skims.com available in styles for women, men, kids, and even pets. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you after you placed your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Okay, Raina, question for you. How would you feel if you lost your libido? My sex drive. Is that like a serious question? I'd never recover.

I know, right? Well, the fact is millions of premenopausal women are fresh. because they lost their libido. But we are here to let you know that there's a treatment called Adi that is clinically proven to boost libido in certain premenopausal women. And this isn't some sketchy gas station pill. It's FDA approved. Talk to your doctor to see if Addy is right for you. And again, it is clinically proven. I love the women have this option. Same. You can go learn more at adi.com. That is A-D-D-D-Y-com. Adi, or Flavanserine, is for premenopausal women with acquired generalized hypoactive

sexual desire disorder, HSDD, who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past, who have low sexual desire no matter the type of sexual activity, the situation, or the sexual partner. The low sexual desire is troubling to them and is not due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship, or a medicine or other drug use. Adi is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your Adi dose.

Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking Addie at bedtime. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions, over-the-counter or herbal medications, or have liver problems. Low blood pressure and painting can happen when you take Adi, even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in Adi. Allergic reactions may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning at adi.com slash PI. Or call 844

Pink Pill. Addie. That is A-D-D-Y-I.com. So there's this thing I want to say to you, like when I was making notes for the episode today, I was just like, why is this so prominent? And then I was like, oh, yeah, it's like every single holiday movie is the one that got away. It's so many books.

It's just the cultural narrative, these like tropes in pop culture of like going back to your hometown, you get back to here with the one that got away. I cannot read another book about some guy who's hung up on his high school sweetheart or college and get back together. I can't. Like, so anyways, I pulled this quote from the article. The idea of the one that got away is also perpetuated by pop culture, movies, music, and literature, often romanticized, lost love. Make it seem like a universal truth that everyone experiences a love they could never quite hold on to.

And this narrative feeds into the belief that everybody has the one that got away. And I don't know that it creates, like, false hope. It's just, it is everywhere in pop culture, this, like, idea that, like, you should get back together with the one that got away. Yeah. Like, listen, I don't love. the one that got away is a concept. Like this is that sucks. It sucks to have someone that you think slipped away that you still pine for. Like if you don't have it, good on you. I mean, we interviewed our audience. Do you have a one that got away? And 37% said yes and 63% said no. And we also don't know

how people interpreted that. Like someone might just mean like someone I miss, you know, or someone I thought was perfect for me. But like, you know, really like we said before, the one that you let slip away, I like that over 60% of the audience said no, and that's great. And so you don't have to have this. You know, like we don't have to sit around at brunch and talk about these people. Like I think it's better to not have one. Like I have, you know, my high school, early college, like my 18 year old, like first love. And then I have my adult first love. And I have my fiance who's like the love of my life. And, you know, I'm good. Like I've had other relationships. You know, I've done. other exes, other people that, you know, broke my heart and a really long, long distance relationship to speak of. I mean, I'm not saying that, but in terms of like those like loves, like I don't have a lost love. Yeah. When somebody meant something to me, I let them know about it and I worked on it until we were done mutually working on it together. And then it wasn't a love that got away for me. It was like a breakup. And I needed to process it and have closure. And I think that some people get hung up on this idea.

they need to like fix the past and they have a lot of regret about like what they did and I don't know that I necessarily want to be the receptacle of that like I don't know how I would receive it if somebody came to me and was like I was so in love with you and I like threw you in the trash I guess I mean it's so one size fits one for the guys but like as I'm doing in the rolodex in my mind of people that like have like kind of thrown me away I don't know that I'd be that receptive to it yeah somebody just being like I fucked it all up and I did you like shit and I let it go and I'd be like don't use me to fix the past go to therapy. I'm not going to be a redemption arc.

Right, right, right. Like get out of your rom-com. This is real life. Yeah. And I mean, when we asked you guys our followers on Instagram, I mean, just a lot of the same. A lot of the timing wasn't right or just distance was a lot of it. You know, they moved away or, you know, we were 23. We didn't know how to handle adult relationship, basically, you know,

jobs taking people different places. Someone wrote they died. Pray and you guys find this funny. Got to find humor somewhere. Not the one that got away because they died. That is so dark. She had to get it out. She wanted to laugh. Okay. She asked for it. She wins. Yeah. That's tough. That's no closure ever. Oh no. Someone said COVID. A lot of like they moved away. I was in my 20. Yeah, I was young in college. I was young and dumb. A lot. Honestly, just timing. being young and dumb. And then if you still feel hung up on them, why do you feel this way? And again,

it's just a lot of people say there wasn't any closure. Someone said, nope, he ended up a cop and a Trump supporter. Then you're not hung up on him. And one of the sad things is he was the only man to this day that treated me right and respectfully and loved me whole. And to that person, I say, that's so great that you had that experience and that set the bar for how you know that you deserve to be treated and how you want to be loved and love someone. And the next person is coming. You know, I really subscribe to a two great loves in your life thing. It comes from Carrie and Sex and the Some writer and a writer's room wrote it. Ashley is. And Ashley's like, they said it on sex and excuse me. Sexness City never misses. And they're also the cablight theory, which I mentioned

earlier. And if you guys don't know that, basically it was the thing about men and timing and guys turned their cabline on and the first person to get in. Like, that's the person they're going to be with. So anyway, just wanted to circle that back. But I just think like if you, you've had that instead of thinking he was the only one that's ever done this. Yes, that's true. It was the only man to this day. But just reframe your mind and someone else will come along and also do that. Not like he's the only man in this world that's going to treat me like that. That's not a true story to tell yourself. You and I just don't subscribe to the like, there's not good men out there. I'm not abused shit. Like if you found it once, there is not a lot.

I have to find one, Ashley. Let me alone. No, you'll find. They're out there. They're hard to find. You may have already know. Who do I mind? Well, no. You're a contractor. Yeah, maybe.

But if that's your bar and you're like, I will always think of that, then like just hold out and I agree and wait for it and maybe it's 60 or a high school boyfriend will call you.

His wife will die. Maybe someone will die. I just, I think it's hard to process this and let people go and I would encourage you at least for your own peace of mind at least for now to let the one that got away get away

and like if it helps you I would really question the idealized version of this relationship was it exactly what I thought it was was it that you didn't see the right future with them you guys didn't have the same goals you didn't want the same things in life like those are real things don't beat yourself up

and be like I should just get back in there and try it again it's like we did that episode so many years ago about like should you get back together with an ex. And like, I mean, I guess you could always try again, but like, I think we just outgrow people. And we follow to love and you don't want the same things in life. And like, that's okay. And don't live in this idealized version of what the past was. Because try to remember like the person that walked away from that relationship and why it didn't work out. Right. And someone wrote the relationship never ran its course, have since moved on, but we'll always have

love for him. And that's that closure thing. I like that she said it didn't run its course. You know, like we talk about past relationships, like my previous serious relationship and you mentioned your ex-fiance. And it's like, I don't know how you feel, but at least my relationship, we ran its course. We ran that thing into the ground, you know. And like even after it was over, we still stayed in touch. And I was wondering, is he the one? We should we get back together. But like I can at least say like we, it really ran its course.

You know, like there was no lack or question of like, is it over? you know, so I understand that frustration where you're like, we didn't even have the relationship I would have wanted to have or, you know, we really didn't get to that point. And then you're wondering what could have been is the tough part. But it's like, I don't know what the what could have been. You gotta stop doing it at some point. Yeah, it's Fantasyland. It wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't. And the version of you back then when that was with that person, you have to trust that person that you didn't want to be with them, you know? And no, I did not feel like it ran its course. I felt really happy and I was I really loved that person and we had like a beautiful relationship

at that time. But I feel today looking back, that person very much would not have made me happy long term. He's a great person. He's an honest, kind person. I've seen him a few times over the years. I do enjoy his company when I've seen him. But like it's interesting to look through that window now and be like this, you couldn't have been my teammate today, you know?

Obviously you didn't think it ran a score as you were going to make it. he left me. Yeah. You were going to marry. You were just starting the course. Yeah, I was on the course. I had paid for a venue on the course. I'm sorry that I said it like that.

Did you feel like it ran its course when he left you? Um, no. You're like, I was, I was going to marry. I was just like, I don't know how you felt, but like me and my ex burned it to the ground. How'd you feel when your ex left you? I felt like I had paid for a wedding venue and he left me. But it is nice all those years later. And like, just focus on the life.

lessons. I know that that's like not what everybody wants to hear. I think people want closure. I think that like we all pine for closure, but like mostly closure is not real from another person. We have to give it to ourselves. The person that like hurt us is not also going to heal us. And the person that I got that quote from is Anna Kay. She'll be on the show soon. I'm very excited. But just focus on the lessons that you got from that you got from that you got from that's no relationship that's ever ended in my life that I didn't learn a shit ton from about myself, about how to treat another person, about how I. want to be treated and that's what you have to take from it. Like don't live in this like reality where you're like, that was so great. It was so amazing. Like remember why it wasn't, take the lessons. There you go.

Live in reality. And send this episode to a guy. Because again, mostly our audience, this may fall on deaf ears because you bitches get it. But this episode is for those guys that may feel, I'm being serious. You know,

if you have a guy friend that might need to hear this. Like, we all know a guy that's hung up on the one that got away and they could be holding themselves back too. Listen, do I care if guys find happiness? No. But if you have some of your life that you care about, this may work on that. I just, I could like rattle off like five close guy friends like that are cool and fun and

smart. And I know they've dated all these amazing girls along the way and they just like kicked him to the curb and they'll say like, I just am so fucked up because like my ex. And it's like she was 20 years old. Stop. My 20 year old ex that drank beer and played video games. Yeah. I'm sure she was great and hot and wonderful.

But stop this. You lived in the Sigma Pie house. All right. Well, hope you guys enjoyed this. Hope you have an incredible Thanksgiving. Protect your peace. Buy the vibrators. Yes, Black Friday's Sale.

We just, we love you guys. Thank you for the support. We are really grateful for this audience this year and each other and our whole team. Yes, we are so thankful for you guys. Thank you for letting us gratitude on you. And gratitude all over your face. Tits and face. Gratitude it all over me.

Do you get gratitude? Do you get gratitude inside of you? Are you pregnant with gratitude? We really hope you guys. Can I gratitude inside you? Yeah, I'm on the pill. We really hope you guys get pregnant with gratitude this Thanksgiving. And follow along vibes only.

Vives only.com again for the sale. Girls Gotta eat.com. Grab some tickets to the final two shows of the year that have tickets available in New York and Boston. and Girls Got Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is reina. at greenberg.

Send this episode to a guy you care about, I guess, subscribe on YouTube. And we will not see Thursday. We're going to skip the snack. It's a holiday. So we will be back next Monday. Have a great holiday, you guys. We'll see you next week.

Bye.