Girls Gotta Eat - Therapy, Sex, Drugs, and Dogs with Chelsea Handler

Episode Date: June 7, 2021

We have a bucket list guest on this week's episode -- the inimitable Chelsea Handler! We're chatting with her about her therapy journey, what she's into/not into in the bedroom, not wanting children, learning to love your own company, transitioning from heavy drinker to cannabis enthusiast, rescue dogs, and more. She also shares some of the most hilarious airplane stories we've heard to date. Plus, we recap our LA trip which included Rayna's restaurant fantasy and a love-at-first-sight encounter for Ashley, and we give some (sorta) TV/movie recs. Hope you enjoy! Follow Chelsea on Instagram at @ChelseaHandler, and check out her new special Evolution on HBO Max. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for show dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Zola: Get 50% off your save-the-dates at zola.com/gge with code SAVE50 + a free change-the-date with your purchase. Calm: For a limited time, get 40% off a premium subscription at calm.com/gge. Rory: For a free online visit + free 2-day shipping, go to hellorory.com/gge. The Pill Club: They are offering a $10 donation to bedsider.org for every listener who becomes a patient using thepillclub.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I had to keep going with a lie that I meant to get my suitcase together and that I was going in the bathroom to change my outfit. So I had changed to prove a point to the flight attendant who knew that I was fucking high and out of my mind. Our episode of Girls Gotta Eat are Chelsea Handler. Yes, it's happening. But before that, we're just going to talk about some of our partners. Wow, we're just jumping right in. What else? Anything else?

It rained today. I don't know. It's a rainy day. Azul's up here with us. We tried to get him to record on the couch with us. One these days. You hit play and he jumped off. He knows. He knows that we're trying to make money off of it. We are back in New York from what felt like forever in L.A.

Did you feel like you were there forever? I felt like I could have stayed there forever. You did? Listen, I'm just going to say it now. I think I'll end up living there at some point. You're just going to say it now. You've said it so many times. On this podcast, what I don't want to happen is that I meet somebody and then move there.

And then everyone's like, you just followed a man to L.A. So I'm getting it out there while I'm single. You're getting ahead of it. I'm getting ahead of it. But you have said in the past that you think you're going to meet a man in L.A. That's the only place I will. Like I've had people like psychic people, friends who have always had a good read on my future, just feel like that's where I'll end up and that's where I'll meet somebody.

I see it for myself too. Yeah. I mean, tons of hot guys there. we sat next to David Hasselhoff. You should have said, what's up? Is he married? I mean, one of those girls.

David Hasselhoff, he's like 80. He's, it was with the whole family. Yeah, he was next to us at one of our dinners. He's like an old man now. But hot. Still hot. I was into it.

He's hot. He's tall. He's hot. He's the Hoff. I'm a fan. But like, he has had some work done. you know, which, you know, who has it?

But he just kind of looked Hollywood. He does feel like a Hollywood face. He does have a Hollywood face. Botox, maybe Botox. Maybe his eyes got, I don't know. I was feeling it. Listen, his bottom's still hot. I would have never recognized.

Like, one of you guys pointed him out. Oh, I wouldn't have liked it. I've been like, like, is that David Husson? I do love a celebrity setting in L.A. It was so fun. The weather was really so perfect. LA is like the last stronghold of COVID. They're finally starting to open up a little bit.

So congrats to California. California has a lot of rules, but I don't hate it. I'm not some like freedom. Like I'm just like rules. It's a society. Okay, we do a couple things. A couple more celebrity things. Well, our guest today is Chelsea Hamler.

We're so happy to have her and chat with her. I just want to tell like a funny story about our interview with her. So we were supposed to start the interview at 10.30 a.m. and we got to the studio, Gold Diggers in L.A. that's where we recorded with her. We talked about it last week, this incredible studio in East Hollywood. And we're outside the studio at 10, 30 minutes. We wanted to get in there, get set up and everything.

You know, we're running the studio by the hour. Yeah. So it's like we don't live there. We got there early. And we are outside on the street in East Hollywood, like trying to figure out how to get in. Like they sent us a code, whatever. and we see a car pull up and I just look, I'm like, that's Chelsea, in the car. In what?

I was like, that's, oh my God, is this happening? Her, by herself, just in her car, pulled up. And I was like, oh, my God. And then you kind of, you were, I was a great to go tell her a dog. I think she thought I was just like a fan. A fan. I was like, hey, hey, Chelsea. And she like looks over and just kind of like acknowledges me and goes back to what

she's doing. I was like, hi. And I said like three times. And then she goes, are you the girls? Yeah. Yeah. So we had to like tell her word apart. I mean, I was just like, she's just down.

She's early, for one. Driving herself. She was like, oops, I'm always early. Driving herself, by herself, like no entourage. It was just, it was refreshing. She's so down to earth. But we were like, what the fuck? I was going to curl my hair.

You know, like, I was just, I thought we had 30 minutes. We were going to, like, talk to the venue staff. We were going to, like, check the angles on the cameras, check the sounds. I mean, everything's going to be great. You guys are going to love it. But we were not expecting it. We were way ahead of time to get set up.

We were set all good. We just chilled with her and, like, you know, drank coffee, drank tea while we got set up. Yep. So she was great. We're excited for you to hear the interview. We did another celebrity thing in L.A. I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going to Sur a restaurant in West Hollywood. Oh, my God.

You guys, I've watched every episode of Vanderpump Rules. I am such a Lisa Vanderpump stand. I've watched every episode of Beverly Hills Housewives. I finally got to go to serve. We walked out of a great dinner and we were like right in front of it. So I was like, oh, my God. We didn't take like a pilgrimage to go to Sir. I mean, I want to.

We got to make that clear. So I wouldn't have. You would have. Like, okay. I wouldn't have dragged three other people with me. So those places are not like, they're kind of touristy. Like they're not places that like L.A. locals go or even like I would go to. I've never seen an episode of either of those shows.

And that's not throwing shade. You know me. I just don't watch a ton of reality TV. I'm not out here. Like I would never. I'm sure they're great. And I would enjoy them. I'm sure they're entertaining.

But so I, so I'm sure. have no concept. I didn't even know what Sir was. I didn't know what stood for sexy, unique restaurant. I didn't know. Do you guys know that? Do you guys know that the sign of the door says, sexy unique restaurant, restaurant, restaurant, and lounge. Restaurant twice. Restaurant Square. So, yeah, I guess Lisa Radipon has all these restaurants and bars and I was not familiar. So we had this amazing dinner at this place called Olivetta. And then we had another rooftop reservation for later in the evening. And we had like an hour to kill. So we were walking back to Kate's house. She lives right in West Hollywood. And you saw Sir.

And you were like, guys, can we go? Can we please go? I am so, so glad that you guys, like, humored me and went. Because, like, this is like a Friday night. Everybody's dressed up. It is a very tourist restaurant. Listen, I'll be honest, food's not good. So, like, we're not dragging.

I'm not, like, making reservations to hang out there with my three girlfriends on a Friday night. But we're there. So I really appreciated you guys coming. And yes. And, yes, okay, let's just, I'm going to get this out of the way of top. You can read the reviews on the food. We're not here slamming restaurants on this podcast.

We did order to. things. We ordered the goat cheese balls that are like they're known for and then fries. Both of those were just frozen. You know, they're like from Cisco. They were frozen probably. That's what they were. That's all we tasted. We can't speak on anything else. You want to know about the food? Read the reviews online. You know about the food?

Just read the menu. The menu is fascinating. There's five chicken entrees. Five. There's a meatloaf. There's an enchilada. How'd you get in there, enchilada? So we sit down like at this table on the patio and then you went to the bathroom and our server comes up and accent and we're chatting with him and we have a rule that with espresso martinis

which are making a comeback this summer that if a restaurant just says like, yeah, we can do one, don't get it. But if they're like, we have it on the menu, we make a great one. It's a specialty of ours. You can do it. That's the rule.

I just want to tell you guys espresso martini if you ask the server, the bartender and they're like, yeah, no, we can do that. Don't go there. I don't know. I did not know. So I asked the server, and he was like, yeah, we do those, whatever.

And I was like, okay, cool. And we were just chatting with him. And I was like, where are you from? And we started chatting. His name's Max. And I felt a little weird when I said, where are you from? Like, I felt Kate and Taylor kind of be like, what? And then we order our espresso martinis, which maybe we should have, but we did it.

And he walked away. and you're still the bathroom and Kate goes, Ashley, that's Lisa Vanderpump's son. To be fair, not where, he was wearing a mask, so you couldn't see his face and why would you know that? I wouldn't know it. But he was probably like, bitch, are you serious? I don't know anything.

Yeah. So Raina comes back and then I'm all excited. I was like, her son is waiting on us. This is wild. It's the best day of my life. And then this other guy, what's the other guy's name? Peter. Peter.

Yeah. Peter the manager dropped our espresso and martini's on with. This giant Peter Hand. He was working. Oh my God. You guys, I was like living out my fantasies. Yes.

So that happened. And then I just didn't like my espresso martini. It was just bad. And I felt weird about sending it back, but Max noticed. And he was like, do you not like it? And I was like, I don't love it. You know, I got to be honest. And he was like, what do you want?

I was like, insomnia and Blanc. So he came back with a filled to the brim bucket of wine. If you watch the Hills, New Beginnings at Suspenser Pratt Poor. And it was built to the grid. And I drank it all. I didn't expect it. I was like, there's no way I'll finish that wine.

It was probably three glasses and one, honestly. Like what a restaurant, what a standard restaurant port is. So we were like Team Max. And we actually, we didn't end up going to our other reservation. We were just having so much fun. It was honestly,

I lived my dream. It was a great night. It's a beautiful restaurant. The service couldn't have been better. I don't know if everybody gets like the star treatment of like Lisa Vanner from Son and Peter. Like I wonder if Peter drops off the drinks at every. table so people can get their thrills.

Yeah. Like get their kicks. But yeah, we sexy unique restaurant at it up. I loved it. None of the other cast was there, unfortunately, but I feel like they haven't worked there in so many years. There's no way. Yeah. And then the next day Kate and I, we had this

really amazing lunch at this place called Wally's, which I think Rihanna's been there, whatever. And then we were kind of figuring out what to do. And places were just pretty full because everything's not back to normal yet. So you kind of do need reservations. So we were just walking around. in West Hollywood. And I said, oh, that place looks fun. Let's try that place. Didn't know anything. Didn't

know what it was. Didn't know what place it was. And it had a vibe. There was all these plants kind of coming off the sidewalk. The music was bumping. You know that's all I care about. I wasn't looking for food. We had just eaten. We just wanted to like have some drinks. So we walk up and they check our IDs. We both still have Georgia licenses. So right off the bat, the guy, I saw Kate pull out her Georgia license. I'm like, oh no. And then he goes, are you ladies enjoying your trip? Like he thinks we're just these like Southern girls. Oh my God. They're so amped to be in the restaurant. Two Georgia licenses. And then we go up to the host of and Kate goes, I cannot believe we're here. And I go, what is this? And she was like, this is Tom Tom. It's another Lisa Vanderpump restaurant. And she's taking a picture of it for you. And I'm like, I can't believe,

are we on, I've never seen the show. And now we're on this like fan tourist. And like one of the best food cities in America. You ended up in both of Lisa Vanderpom's restaurants and you don't even care. I cannot believe. You know people like plans. People probably like go to L.A. just to do all. of her restaurants and you didn't and you don't even care. So listen, we sat for, they tried to take us to a bad table. I was like, we're not sitting there. So they put us right in a great table on the front patio. We got a bottle of Lisa Vanderpump Rosey, which on the front it says product of France.

On the back it says bottled in New York. I don't know. It was good. It wasn't like, I don't know who to believe. I thought it was going to be like bright red, too sweet or whatever. It was good. It was like, you know, like a whispered angel caliber. It was good.

We had a bottle of rosé. Four girls came up, fans of the show. And I was like, guys, I just, we're just drinking here. I'm not, we're not here. And just like making a plan that you're not a fan. They started to have a line like down the sidewalk right next to our table because we were like at the edge and people were there fan-girling. And these women were like, how is it in there?

They told, they asked us, they were like, how is it in there? And we're like, it's okay. Like, we're not here because the show, you don't care. And then we hear the woman go, this is a lot more Lisa than the one at Caesars. You're like, I don't even know what that means. Okay. I didn't even ask you, did you see the Tom's? But no, Kate would have noticed.

Oh, yeah, yeah, she would have told me. I can't believe you did this. You went on. There's two Tom's. Tom and Tom. It's called Tom Tom Tom. I know, but I just thought. Tom Sandable and Tom, oh my God, I should be a bigger.

I should have heard the other top's name. Guys, don't. I'm so sorry. Katie Maloney's husband. Schwartz. Okay. Tom Schwartz. She got there.

Also, it was a great vibe in there. It seemed like a maybe like kind of a gay hangout, which is always a great vibe. The best music, great drinks. No one really cares about the food. So it's not that important. I think that they're just supposed to be beautiful places. Also, I think Pump is a gay bar that she owns. And she's also like, she's also like in the Pride parade every year.

She's a big supporter of the gay community, like a huge supporter of it. So she does big parties at all the restaurants every year for Pride. So that was our at least the Vanderpump Barcrawl. We also went to a lot of other great places. Like, I don't need to name them all. But I just was like, I can't please this is what we're doing in L.A. I loved it. I appreciated you guys doing it with me. It was really like a highlight of my trip. It was so amazing. I feel like I ate really well in L.A. I mean, I love going out to like a sceny restaurant,

but more so than that, I love like off the beaten path. And I think L.A. is such a great place. If you want like Korean food Thai, Vietnamese, there's tons of Persian food there. So I spent my trip obviously going through our friend Emily, food lovers, Dyer, and Instagram's list of where to eat. So I ate a lot of great meals for like $15 from taco trucks that was, I mean, a hot take. there's great taco trucks in L.A. Well, I love it because I do love healthy food. And I just naturally really could eat every meal, like on the healthier side. And I obviously love tacos. I love seafood. But we went to a great place called Gracius Madre. And it was vegan Mexican. Oh. If you do vegan Mexican right, you can't even tell that it's vegan. Like remember when we

went to our very first dates, we went to ja, ja, ja, ja, which we know that's ha ha ha ha ha in Spanish. But just so you, so we're not like ha ha ha ha. But it's called ja, ja, ha ha. It's the vegan Mexican here in New York City. And I didn't know it was vegan. And I was eating those nachos. And I was, and you told me they weren't meat. I was like, what? So Grasse's Madre was like one of my favorite meals I had in L.A. Oh, good rack. Oh, look at you even food racks. And Alaveta was great. And Wally's was great. And Wally's was great. And sexy unique restaurant. And Tom, Tom, Tom. Just don't eat there. I was there for, you and I were both gone for almost for a lot of May. I was gone almost the entire month of May. We were just together to record. Obviously, we traveled together a lot. But I, you have a

boyfriend now. You're an LDR. Well, you were with me. Um, for half of the year. It was weird to be in L.A. And then I just kind of, I was sometimes forget you were there. Like, I was texting you like about what we were doing that night. I was like, I told Kate. I was like, I keep forgetting rain is also here. I know. I know. And I want to like, also I want to like, also I want to like give you space to be with her. Because you don't see her that much. But I also want to like come. And also like, like, I was there for 12 night. Raina. It's a lot. Um, so yeah. I mean, I don't think that you're supposed to, I mean, I said this last week, I got a hotel for half of the trip. I don't think you're supposed to be with anybody for 12 days. It's not normal or natural to be able to deal with somebody. My dad was like,

are you guys like really sick of each other? And I was like, yeah, after 12 days, you're sick as anybody. But I really enjoyed him. We had a lot of fun. We did a lot of really fun stuff. I think it's important when you're on a long trip with somebody to plan activities. So you're not just like sitting around staring at each other. Like we went out to Malibu for a whole day. We went to San Diego for the weekend. We do a lot of activities. And also, I don't care if he wants to like sit in his room and do work or I'll go for a walk. But I didn't see him to be clear. I never saw him. And I love him. So it just, I didn't see him. Yeah. He did. So anyway, he did something. Sometimes you and I did. Hope he's doing well. Yeah, he's doing great. I just don't, I just, I don't think there's something wrong with being like, I'm sick of my partner. Is it normal? Yeah, it's normal. You're not supposed to be with somebody that much. You know, you can link up at the end of the day. It's good to have separate hobbies. It's good to go on a trip and do your own thing sometimes. Like, we went to the beach one day and Kate was like, why don't you bring him? And I was like, no, no, no, no. Like, it's nice to do stuff by yourself. So it was great. We got a lot really well. It was also nice to take my own space as well.

And I had a great hotel that you stayed with me. And we booked it through Hotels.com. We love Hotels.com. Stay tuned on our Instagram today for some content. Really, really funny content that we made in the hotel when we were there. That's all we'll say about it. Yeah. Okay.

So that beach day got a little crazy for the rest of us. You left. I left, unfortunately. I'm so upset about it because it just turned to this crazy day. And I do want to tell you a story. I haven't even told you this yet. So we started out in the beach in the morning. this was like the last day, so Sunday before Memorial Day. We went to the beach and you would

leave us and go to the airport. And then we went to this great restaurant. Then we went to this party. This party was really fun. And then I see this guy and I was like, that's a beautiful man. Like a little older than my usual taste, but like an older Paul Walker. Like so hot with a motorcycle helmet in his hand. I'm like, I can't, I'm wet. You know, like I was like, oh my God. I don't see a so bad of this guy. I know. We can't find him on the internet. So anyway, I'm just like, I can't, like, every girl at this party is going to be like wanting to talk to that guy. Like, can't even go there right now. Like, he's just so good looking. And then we ended up leaving. And then we went to this like, boat thing, whatever. But so we did leave. I was like,

whatever, you know, goodbye. Love of my life. We never spoke. But like, oh, you never spoke to him ever at the party. Okay. So we're outside. We had six of us. We were going to this boat. And then the three of the girls like went ahead. So we had to get two cars. And then Kate and Taylor and I are standing on the corner, like waiting for our Uber. Uber can take forever in L.A. It's not speedy, like New York. So we're waiting for like five minutes and he walks out. And I was like, oh my God.

And he's like, hey, girls, like, what are you doing? His accent? He had an Australian accent. What? Raina. I can't. It's maybe the first man that you and I both are in love with. I cannot. So I'm like, oh my God, his accent. Like, I thought he was like a douchy actor, which maybe he still is. But like, I was kind of thinking that wasn't going to be the vibe.

And we just chat with him for a little bit. He's like, are you girls leaving? And I was like, Like, how do we have to? Like, can we go back in the time? I hate that moment where you're like, I don't want to. I didn't want to. I'm glad we had fun in this boat, but I kind of looking back like, oh my God, I wish we would to stay.

So he was like, I'm actually going to, I'm riding my motorcycle home because I want to like come back to the party and just have my bicycle. Like, he didn't want to like, drive, drink more and drive his motorcycle. I think he just lived right around the corner. He's responsible. So I was like, what kind of motorcycle? Well, I was like, what kind of bike do you have? And I like knew in my head he was going to say a triumph.

And he did. And I was like, no. Like, you know, that's what I like the most. And I was like, oh, my God. And then I was like, where are you from? And he said Melbourne. I was like, oh, my God. I'm in love with him.

So Kate goes, hey, so if you're leaving, like, we have to go to Marina del Rey. Would you mind bringing our friend? Because, like, we have a really small car coming. It would really help us out. Kate, it's like, get out of here. He was like, do you mind taking her? Would you? Could she just jump in the back of your motorcycle and take and take her?

And this guy's, like, debating it. Like, he's like, hmm, maybe. And I'm like, oh, my God, please God. please, I will go anywhere with this guy at this point. I was like, wherever. If he just keeps passing Marina Del Rey and goes wherever, I'm going. I'm going. I don't care. Do whatever you want to me at that point.

It will all be consensual. I promise. So I'm like, I'm sweating, like thinking this could happen. We could have like another motorcycle story. And at that moment, a full-sized car just pulls up. Motherfucker! Like a Camry. I cannot believe this.

It was so funny because she was like, you'd really be helping us out. And then he was like, I was like, I wish I could, but like California, again, with the rules, has really strict motorcycle. Like, it's, like, you're both not wearing a helmet. Of course, like, in Texas, it would have been fine. Miami, pick up a gun on the way. Yeah, but they were, he was like, I just like, don't want to risk it.

And, you know, it looks like you guys are all set with your car. Oh, my God. Oh, my. Also, first of all, in my mind, like, I can't be, you got on a motorcycle and didn't tell me. So, thank God it didn't end like that. But, like, I'm so disappointed. It didn't end like that.

I know. And then Taylor was like, I think this part. he's going to go all night. So when we got off this boat thing, we were, she went back. But I had to go back because Kate has dogs and I had to get the episode up. But I did text Taylor. I was like, is that guy there?

Because I would, I'll come back. And she said, no, he wasn't there. I mean, at that point, it had been hours. So I just wish we were able to stay at that party. Again, I'm not knocking the boat. But like, my take is always like, if you're having a good time, don't leave. I've learned this early. I feel like I learned this in my 20s.

So like, sometimes you think we're having such a good time at this place. We'll go to another place. It will be better. It never is better. If you're having a good time, stay. Always. I always feel like that. I've done things where I've,

girls have come to visit and I'm like, I want to bounce around. I want to go to this and that. And then I'm like, you're always upset. You leave the fun thing, especially if it's just getting started. Like,

I felt like it was just getting started. Love of my life was going to go trade out his bikes so he could drink. I'm never trying to leave. I, like, set up shop and I'm comfortable and I got like a vibe going. I'm never trying to go to the next place. I'm not like a let's hit up three things in a day.

Unless it's a boat, though. Like I'm always assuming the boat will be better. But like we knew the scene on the boat. It was this girl that we were with her and her husband's boat. But like so we knew it was, which it was great. It was fun. But we knew it was just going to be her husband and us girls. Like it wasn't going to be some yacht party with more guys to meet.

And so that's the only reason I wanted to say the party because like more guys were coming in. And I was just like, oh, I don't want to leave. So anyway, that's my misconnection. And you never found him in these streets. You know, I asked, I was like, can we, Taylor hasn't been able to like find him on like social media or anything. He probably wasn't. I mean, he's probably like, about like... An Australian guy that rides motorcycles. I love him.

Looks like Paul Walker. I love him. He's one of my like, I mean, R-AP, but I was obsessed with Paul Walker. I was too. Who wasn't? All right. Well, guys, if you know this man. If you know this man right into the show. He's like, I met that girl and I'm not into it. He was like, I could have very easily taken her out of the back of my nurse. Like, I was not into it. My girlfriend was at home waiting for me. Oh, that's true.

true. You never know. I feel like guys like that just aren't roaming the streets, single-looking. No, somebody that's a model, like scoop them up. I say, L.A. people. God, you're so good looking. I mean, I'm a model, too, but, you know. You are a model. You're... Do you have any wrecks this week? I have two racks. I have a throwback wreck and I have a brand new wreck.

My brand new rack, I watched last night, really different, really loved it. It's Bo Burnham's new special. Oh. Called Inside. It's either insider or insider. I'll get the name. He just released it. It's on Netflix. I put air quotes around comedy special.

He directed, produced, wrote, edited his own special, completely on his own. It's really different. There's just, I wouldn't call like sketch comedy. He sings a lot of songs. If you guys ever seen a Bo Burnham show, there's so much production that goes into it. It's actually like really phenomenal to see. It's not necessarily my brand of comedy, but watching and produce a show is insane with the lights and the music cues. This is all him, all by himself.

in a room. It's kind of dark. It's a lot of commentary on what happened in the last year, but there's like some lighter, funnier stuff. He does this song about white girls' Instagram accounts. That's really funny. And it's just one of the most different things I've ever watched. If you're looking for like a joke punchline comedy special, definitely not that. It's definitely somebody who was like going through COVID and not even have COVID, just going through like quarantine times. He was depressed, miserable. He made all this content himself. It's really well produced. It's just really, really interesting. So check it out. if you guys want to see something just a different type of comedy special.

It's on Netflix. And then my other rack throwback is The Property Brothers. I watched it for the first time. The first time? Watched it first time. You and I've seen that. I'm not big on those renovation shows. But like I'm in a hotel room.

I'll start watching one. I love Chip and Joanna. Love the Gaines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've never watched Property Brothers. It never did it for me. And when my man picked me up at the airport, I guess my boyfriend, I don't know.

Picked me up at the airport. I was so tired from the long day. I had traveled, so we just picked up food and just went home. And he was like, I turned on property brothers the other day. It's like really stupid. Do you want to watch it? I was like, yeah. So I watch it because I like to make fun of the couples.

If it is a couple that seems likable, turn it off, go to the next episode. I love watching the two brothers interact with each other because they don't. Like, even though they are twin brothers, it's as though they've never met at all, ever in the past. And they have no repertoire between each other. Like, it's very weird. And the whole problem is the show is very strange. I mean, it's just like house hunters where it's like, I sell pencil shavings by the side of the road,

and she's a Sunday school teacher once a week. Our budget's $2 million. Like, that's the show. So the show opens, and it's always like they take them to a house that they can't afford. Yeah, yeah, I've seen it. I've never seen this before. It's crazy.

You're like, I've seen this before. Yeah, we're in 20 episodes, 20 seasons already. Anyways, if it's a great couple, I would turn it off. It's a terrible couple. Stick with it is the funniest thing. Just to watch couples interact with each other, or watch women like emasculate their men on national television. Yeah, it gets too heated.

It's amazing. So I really enjoyed it. I watched a lot of Property Brothers in L.A. I like it. I remember hitting that age where I was like, do I watch HGTV now? Or like, you know, is it on there? It's on there. Or like shows like that.

I remember a point where I was like, I watch these shows now. I enjoy them. Yeah. When we were in Orlando, I also watch, I don't know what it's called. It's a show. It's also on HGTV. It's a gay couple in Detroit and they buy like foreclosed homes for like $5,000 and they basically got them and renovate them.

And it's just like adds some nice value to the neighborhood. And it's like a sweet show. And they live in the house while they're renovating it. Okay. I like that too. Check those out, guys. I, the bold type is back for its final season.

Some people have been messaging me like, I don't know. Like, I didn't tell you about it. I messaged you about it. I was like, bitch. This is been on my calendar. I've only seen the first episode, which was great. Yeah.

So I think we're in for a good season. Anyway, the bold type is back. You guys can get that on. free form. And I think it's actually on Hulu like the next day, I think. And then, okay, this was just something that some people had recommended to me a while back. Barb and Star go to Vista Del Mar. It's on Netflix. It's a movie. Kristen Wigg is in it. Will Ferrell was produced or directed or whatever. So it's got like those all stars. Okay. People recommend it to me because basically the show or basically the movie kind of

revolves around this woman named Trish. Like, she's kind of like a mythical creature, and it turns out to be played by Reba McIntyre. It's not important, but I know why people recommended this movie to me. And no one messaged me and said, like, girl, this is the best movie ever. They were just like, this is about this woman named Trish. And I was like, oh, my gosh.

So I love Kristen Wig. The movie is just, it's really out there. It is just very, if I could compare it to any brand of humor, it's just Austin Powers. It's got kind of like a fantasy, with a villain portion of it. It's just Austin Powers humor, kind of straight up,

which I loved in middle school. So it just feels like an interesting watch. It's really colorful the way it's shot. And there is this Trish thing. But anyway, all right. I don't know if I'm recommending it. I just want to... It exists.

And then the woman in the window. Did you see that it was turning on Netflix? No, I know a bunch of people that watched it and that read the book. Yeah. Did you like it? I liked it. enough. It was fine. I think it moved a little slow. I mean, I liked it. I enjoyed it. I think the book's probably better, obviously. You just get more from a book in general. But yeah, it was fine.

It's like, I felt like that about behind her eyes. We never really talked about that. But like, it's fine. It does the trick. Little thrilling, little suspense, kind of scary. You know, you have some kind of gripping the seat moments, but it's not. like, oh my God, this is like the best thriller I've ever seen. And I like Amy Adams. I'm a fan. I like her too. She's a great actress.

So yeah, if you're, if there's nothing else on, I recommend it. Barb and Star, I'm still not sure. New segment, half-ass recommendations. New segments, these exist. These are things. You figure it out. That's what it's called. Okay.

That would be a really funny Instagram post. That'll be a really funny Instagram post. And also I'm going to recommend our Spotify playlist. So that's a hot rack. That's a real rack. Check out the Spotify playlist. Maybe there'll be another one for you. Maybe there'll be three there when you guys are listening to this.

I think I want to put one out weekly. And if you guys are having trouble finding our profile, search girls got to eat. But make sure you're searching or you click on profiles in Spotify. Like obviously we have our podcast on Spotify. But girls got to eat as a like profile. And then you'll see the playlist there. And then I'm going to guess I'm going to work on it for Apple Music.

I don't know Apple Music, but I'm going to try for you guys. Oh, that was nice. I'm no guarantees. Okay. All right. hold us to it. If you guys sign up for the newsletter, you would have the link for it. If you guys want to be a part of the newsletter, we always promise that we'll send you guys

updates. You'll be the first people to know about live shows and tickets. So we have a newsletter. You guys can sign up on our website. There's a pop up as soon as you go to girls got eatpodcast.com. That goes out when we have stuff to tell you. We're not going to bombard your inbox. And then also we have sort of like a last call on merch. We're coming out with new merch this summer. So all the styles that we have on the website now, get those while you can. and then we will have some new really cool fun stuff for you this summer. Yes, guys, we are so excited to welcome our guest here today. She is a comedian, actress, writer, television host, producer, and activist.

She is a six-time New York Times bestselling author. You can see her most recent special Evolution on HBO Max and her new podcast, Dear Chelsea, out everywhere you listen to podcast. Please welcome to the show, Chelsea Handler. Hi. Hi. Oh my God. We're so glad to be talking to you.

Oh, my God. Well, we just got ready for about like 45 minutes. You were early. Remember, yeah, I was very early. Remember when podcasts were for to listen to instead of watch? It's like we, the whole thing about a podcast was that you didn't have to get ready for it. We love it. I know.

Like shit all the time. But then now we're filming them. So what the fuck is the point of that? Everyone's like, we want video. We're like, we don't get ready for these. Yeah. So it's a TV show,

which is, what's the difference between this and a TV show now? Thank you for saying this. Let's just normalize no video. Ashley and I were like, okay, we're going to start doing videos.

This is we mean you like to get dressed before? It's like watching a radio show, right? Have you ever watched a radio show? I've never. Me neither. Right. But people watch Howard Stern, right? They would want to watch it.

People want to like watch famous people talk about. Super fans, I think, watch that because it's a pretty static format. You're watching somebody sit and have a conversation for an hour. So like, unless you're live in an audience while it's happening, that's one thing. I know. Well, I know. And we just, we do live shows.

And when we first start doing them, we were like, we're going to make these way different than a typical podcast. No one cares about coming to a theater. It's there and watches record a podcast. I mean, yes, people do. But we make ours more like a live crazy comedy show. So it's like worth your ticket. You know what I mean?

Right. I don't know like shit. I put in like 10 pounds of hair. We like, yeah. You were getting a new face. Chelsea, I'd tell you, I can't stop thinking about, I flew here, obviously, we'd live in New York. And when I was in the airplane bathroom,

all I could think about was you in there changing, from your special. Yes, changing into a tube top. And thinking that you were leaving a movie theater. Well, I was very stoned on that flight, and I actually was so stone that I forgot I was on a flight, and I thought I was at a movie theater, because I was watching a really good film

that you would only see in a theater or on an airplane. I forgot about the airplane part. So when the movie ended, I got up to leave the theater, only to realize I was on an airplane indeed. And at that point, I had my bags in my hand. And, like, it was a whole production. So for me to even pretend, I had to keep going with a lie that I meant to get my suitcase together

and that I was going in the bathroom to change my outfit. So I had changed to prove a point to the flight attendant who knew that I was fucking high and out of my mind, only to come back and then sit down and then watch another movie and then at the end of that movie I had to say to myself like do not, don't get up don't get up, you don't know when this plane is landing

just sit tight, all right? You already made a fool out of yourself once. Keep it together, girl. Saying I'm just going to go change in the smallest bathroom. And that urine soaked cupboard that they have at the front of the plane. Into a tube top.

Yeah. Which I've never seen on a plane. Well, I've never worn a, well, or in my suitcase. Like, why there was one of my suitcase. Obviously I had someone else's luggage. That wasn't your Wait, I didn't even pick up on that A tube top in 2020

Like a tube top I would just be topless Like I don't I'm not gonna put on a tube top That's so true So this is so you Because the most of that I related to her special Was her talking about being topless

In the back of a truck eating soup Yes I love soup Yeah I love soup too But I had run hot and I always have So when I was a kid I would just have to like if I wanted to have soup Like my family was like okay

You gotta take her shirt off and take her into the bathroom because it was like, yeah. That is, well, I have those moments where I'm eating and I'm like, I'm getting hot. Like I can leave the restaurant. But I, I feel like you'll appreciate the story being a dog person. My dog, my first dog was on Xanax, like for a minute. And I didn't know that that's such a higher prescription because dogs like metabolize it differently. Oh, is that right?

He had two milligram pills of Xanax. Oh. And so I was on a red eye coming back because this was so many years ago and I just took half of one. which is still a lot. Yeah, I've taken my dog Xanax as well. So a one milligram and then I had a glass of wine and I passed out

and I woke up in the middle of the flight and was just stumbling around asking for Milano cookies. Like that was just what was going on. Well, I once took my dog to Spain and took a Xanax. I took his auntie halfway through the vacation. I looked at his pills

because I was like, I wonder what they prescribed to him. I was, I was bored. I was like, what's he got? So I was looking through and I was like, oh, wait. I typed it in, you know, I Googled it.

It was like, oh, this is Xanax. And I was like, so forget about him. Like, I'm taking these now. Like, I love Xanax. I didn't have any Xanax. So on the plane ride home, I took one and I gave him one. Now I fell asleep, he flipped the fuck out. Because apparently, you could only give dogs Xanax when they are in a state of calm.

Because if they are in a histrionic, any sense of, like, unusualness, they will just, it will just remain that, they'll remain at that state, that level. It freezes. So, like, if they're hysterical, they'll be hysterical for the next eight hours. I'm like, well, I don't, I go, when I'm hysterical, and I take a Xanax, I go to sleep. Like, what, what's up with the dogs? So anyway, my dog went nuts on this flight.

Like, I woke up, he was gone, chunk. He was licking the bathroom door. It was like, he was swallowing. He was so fucking thirsty because I didn't give him any water also because it was a 12-hour flight. So, I mean, the whole fucking plane was like this, it was like catching a wild animal. And I was half out of it because I was stooka-zanax,

and he didn't react. Well, I mean, I honestly thought we were going to land and like, you know, Pita was going to be there and be like, okay, we're taking him now. It's official. You fucking just almost killed your dog on a transcontinental flight. I mean, and the woman, I was like, somebody needs to help me. Like, I couldn't get him and wrangle him. I had rope burns on my arms from his leash, like trying to get him. But he was crazy. He was acting crazy. So we had like a major, you know, reverse reaction to the Xanax. and I don't think he was ever the same after that trip. It was like, it was like that trip did something to him. It was just the flight, 12 hours,

it's not nice to bring a dog on a flight to 12 hours. I would never bring Bert and Bernice to Spain because Bert would pass away in the flight. He's about to pass away, so I'm not pushing it. I remember reading that one of your books. Yeah. The flight story. Oh, yeah, right.

I wrote about it. One of my books, it was like hell on wheels. I was like so, it was so many kinds of shades of him, Embarrassment. Shades of embarrassment. It's like I'm fucked up. My dogs run amok. You know, who knows? Like, I have no control of this situation. It's like totally a story. I couldn't believe it didn't end up in page six. I love that you with this profound experience. So did that. Well, everybody on the plane besides you had a profound experience. The dog, the flight attendant to all the people. And you just kind of like Xanax through it. I love Xanax. I mean, I love Xanax. I mean, I love it. But I love Xanax to

me is not a good habit because it's a hard one to break in there. And it's such a nice, you know, It chills you the fuck out. So it's such a nice pill, but it's like I hate the pharmaceutical industry so much that I would never, I don't want to be promoting Xanax. Well, I never took it again because I OD'd, you know, and on a one milligram pill. Yeah, right. It scarred me, which I'm not a big drug user, but it scarred me for life. And then years later, I would come to find out that that's not a normal dosage for a person. Right.

I had taken half my dog's pill. Right. I would think dogs would have a lesser dosage. And I remember picking it up. And I swear this is like, part of the opioid crisis. I remember picking it up and I was like, so these are like doggy Xanax right? And they were like, no, ma'am, this is like

a different, they're real Xanax and it's actually a higher dose. I'm like, what if I had a pill addiction? Like this would control, I would just get addicted to guys, don't get any idea. Yeah, well, I think we just talked about having a pill addiction because we both took our dog Xanax. So I mean, that's as close as you're going to get to a pill addiction. Okay.

I feel like I talk about doing drugs way more than Ashley. I just was like, oh, I think it was like my first red eye. Like I thought, I thought that's what you did on a red eye. You know, I think I was like, 24 and I was like, I'm on a red eye. You know, you think you're like, cool when you say it. And I was like, I think you're just supposed to take like a pill and like, you know. And then, you know, you wake up stumbling, leaving the movie theater in the middle of the flight.

Exactly. Exactly. And that's what you want to avoid. So I watched your special evolution this weekend. I loved it so much. What I really like about it is not like your traditional comedy special. It's not just like joke punchline, joke punchline. which is what I like about a lot of your comedy

is like you learn it's so personal and you learn so much about you and I think you really like did an amazing job of diving into like what therapy did for you and how you spoke with your therapist and the changes that you made and also I was like watching this comedy special my boyfriend went in the other room

and he came out and I was bawling my eyes out he was like what are you watching? I was like a comedy special. It's so like deeply personal and beautiful and I just I thought you did such a fantastic job so we would love to talk about some of the themes that you talked about in that And because we're already talking about drugs, one of the things that I love that you talked about

was that you're telling your therapist all of these stories, all these funny things you did. And you said, and he said you need to find a way to slow down essentially. So if you want to talk about that a little bit and transitioning from drinking to like more weed and more edibles and things like that, we just thought that was so interesting. Yeah, because you were like the vodka lady. A vodka lady, exactly. It was like your brand was like, you know, drunk slut, which is mine too. You know.

We've evolved, but we're still drunk and slats. Right, right. Well, yeah, once you're drunk slut probably stays, stay that way for a pretty long time, right? Can't control yourself. It's a lifelong commitment. Yeah, we're all in it together. I think I just was, you know, I think, like I always heard that line like,

oh, you know, everything works for you until it stops working for you. Like, you know, everything worked for me until it didn't. Like, I never understood what that meant until it happened to me. mean. It's like all of a sudden you're going along doing the same things you always done and all of a sudden it's like that's no longer acceptable to you. Like I'm like I don't like the way my life is. I don't like that I have a million people around me. I don't like that I have no time to like sit, think, talk, feel, you know, like it's always going like this in chaotic motion. And after a certain amount of time of doing that, I think any woman definitely becomes introspective about like, what

am I doing here? Like especially when you're like, you know, I take a lot of pride in remaining single and childless. I take a lot of pride in that so it doesn't give me anything else to focus on really other than my relationships and my family, which I'm close to. But when your identity is like solely tied to your work, you start to think like, well, this isn't that important what I'm doing. So I need like, what is my real identity? It can't just be this. It can't just be. I'm a late night talk show host who makes fun of people. Like it can't just be that me, you know, me telling silly jokes on staging, having thousands of people come to see me without any further, like, deeper meaning. So for me, this latest special evolution was about my evolution. It was about my therapy.

I hate the word journey because the Bachelor ruined that for us about 25 years ago. It's the only word. I can't believe The Bachelor's been around, like, longer than it hasn't. You know what I mean? So scary. But I, yeah, so you just start, I started just going, oh, God, I don't like myself. I don't like my life. Everyone's boring me. Everyone's annoying. me. Why is everyone annoying you? Eventually, you're the annoying person. If everyone annoys you, you're the problem. Damn it. This is hitting hard for me. I know. Thank you for taking us to therapy. But, yeah, but, you know, like, how do you be better? And I wanted a break from working and I wasn't liking it. And I was just spoiled and entitled. And I wanted to kind of unpack it. So, you know,

I was definitely at a place where I was ready to hear some really constructive criticism. And I was down for it. I was like, all right, this is a great transaction. I'm going to pay you an absurd amount of money every day to tell me what the fuck is wrong with me. And then I'm going to make improvements based on that, hopefully. Okay. So do you feel less annoyed with people? Like, because I relate to a lot of you saying, like, you're impatient. You get annoyed easily, you know.

How can you be less annoyed? Yeah. Like, I know. I get, I get annoyed. Yes, it has help because I have tools to, like, combat my, you know, when I'm, my annoyance. Mm-hmm. So, like, when I see somebody that is annoying me, I just immediately, like, go into, like,

think about that, like, think about that person as a human being as what their morning may have been like, what their day have been like. Like, I have to remind myself, too, not to be a cunt. Like, don't act like that, you know. I meditate every day so I don't act like that because it's an easy default for me to be like annoyed by somebody who's driving really slowly ahead of me, you know, or talking really slowly or saying something and taking way too long for this transaction. You know what I mean? That annoys me. But then I just have to remember like, all right, well, whatever. you can be annoyed a little part of the day. Like, who gives a shit?

Your fucking life is like a dream. Right. You know, like put things into perspective. Think about what's going on in the rest of the world. And understand that, you know, we're all lucky to be here and like not starving. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I wanted to talk about that with dating because I feel like, you know, like you said,

you pride yourself and being single and childless. We'll get to the childless thing. But you must have a pretty high bar of someone that you want to keep around you all the time that like is going to. entertain you, like, as a partner. I mean, and that doesn't annoy you all the time. Like, that's kind of my whole thing is like, I don't really want to live with anybody. You know, I just don't want to always have someone in my space. Like, I want somebody that I'd rather be alone than with somebody that doesn't excite me, I guess. So do you find it difficult to date or find a person

that you really want to keep around in your life? Yeah, for sure. It's difficult to be interested. And I mean, it's both ways, you know, if you want to have someone in your life, I have to pursue that and then and then I have to also like them for a long period of time so those two things are both like not working very well you know what I mean yeah I don't feel like I can in this moment in time put a lot of effort towards meeting a man right now I'm kind of turned off by the whole situation you know with what white men and white male patriarchy and everything it's just I don't blame every man but it is just like it makes you stop and think like oh my god the whole structure of our society has been set up

up in a way that we had to have this like huge reckoning. Like what a fucking bummer. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, her and I would happily stay single for the rest of our lives. If we find a person that really like filled us up emotionally. And her and I talk about this every week on the podcast. It's like build a life you're excited about.

And so you don't need this like romantic partner to complete you in a way of all these other things. And I really related to something you said in a special also where you talked about like the way you pick people and why you pick them and that you were sort of setting up scenarios where you were like sleeping with your tour guide or like an assistant, you were sort of setting up scenarios where like you couldn't be rejected by the people because those weren't people that could ever quote unquote reject you and make you feel a certain way. Are you at the power?

Yes, I guess were you the power. And I relate to that a lot and I had this aha moment with Ashley where I was like, oh my, like what's the common theme between all these people I pick? And her and I were talking and it was like, oh, these are never people that are going to be an equal partner to me. So if they reject me, I'm not really being rejected by somebody I ever looked at as a real partner, I guess. So I related a lot to talking about that and how you pick people in general.

Yeah. Once you know your own personality, I mean, I'm 46 years old. So yeah, I am very spoiled. Like I live a lifestyle that is like perfectly great the way it is. And I don't, there's a period of time when you're single that you should really enjoy it. I believe like never be like, oh, God, I'm dying to meet someone. Obviously, if you want to meet someone, it's not that hard. We all have dating apps.

Everyone has access to like going out or whatever you're looking for, even if it's just sex. that those aren't hard things that are to come by. But there's a lot of value in being with yourself. Like, I like my company a lot more after spending all this time with myself during COVID that was unexpected, you know? I realize, like, I get, I like that. I have a different vibe going now. And so I'm just not in the headspace of, like, being horny for guys. I mean, like, I'm just not.

I'm like, I don't care right now. And, you know, hopefully I will care or hopefully. someone will come along, but I don't care right now. Did you ever not let, you said, you know, you found you liked your own company. Was that something you thought about a lot? Like, I don't love being alone. No, well, I always just, yeah, obviously, I mean, I didn't think about it. I just filled up, you know, a space with people. I never lived alone. I never spent, you know, I never vacationed alone. This year was the first time I went to my, I went to Whistler Canada in December of this year. and I stayed there for three months alone at my house there with my dogs and I had never been

alone like that in my life like in 25 years. So I was like, holy shit, I'm really like needs to get back in touch with reality, you know? So it was cool. It was cool to go, oh yeah, I'm totally capable of like not having an assistant or a, you know, housekeeper or, you know, all of the things that I've become so acclimated to. It was nice to be like a little bit more down to earth and go get my own fucking groceries. Yeah, and what you said about when you kind of needed to reflect on your purpose and your career and all that, because you are single and childless, you have to actually think about that stuff. Like, I always say, if you're married with children, you can literally just worry about those things forever.

You know, and I think that's why you see so many couples that get divorced after their kids leave the house, because all they've had to do for however many years is focused on the kids. They've never really had to think about anything else. Like, it's just like, go, go, go, got to take care of these kids, raise these kids, but you don't ever have to really self-reflect. You can kind of stay busy and kind of go down that track. But when you don't have children and when you don't have a husband, you're like, it's just me.

I have to actually like figure out if I like my life, figure out if I'm happy. Like what else you, what else are you going to do? I was talking to a friend that's married and they have a great marriage, but she's like, this shit is so hard. Like we're not having children. All we have is this relationship to think about, to work on. There's no kids to put all our energy towards.

So I think sometimes it can be, like you said, you have to think about it. I guess you can just numb your brain with substances. But if you really want to live a happy life, you have to think about that shit a lot. But it's also, you know, like when you are sing, I have five brothers and sisters. And like I have a lot of nieces and nephews. Like when you are single and you don't have children, the way that you can connect with other people's children and the time you have in your life for everyone else is remarkable. Like you are able to actually contribute and give in to like help your friends.

You know, you have the time. You don't have all of that stuff. So in that regard, you are getting a lot more than some people. You know what I mean? I won't have the experience of like, you know, childbirth and like looking into my own child's eyes. But I never, you know, I'm okay with that. We're with you. You know, like, I don't need.

That's not something I need. Uh-huh. Yeah. You know, like I'm not trying to make another one of me. Yeah. People see at us all the time. You guys have so many friends. You guys have so much time to like socialize.

You do all these cool things. You travel. And personally, like, I'm always. on the phone. I'm always the one that makes the group hang. So is she out. She's always like the one like finding cool stuff to do, making plans, being like, I bought tickets for three tickets to this thing. And it's like, well, yeah, we have time to do. We don't have a husband. We don't have kids. We have time to nurture every single relationship in our life outside of that, which is really special for us. Oh, yeah. And I'm, I can't, my brother's got married. I can't wait for him to have

kids. I'm like, I'm ready to be an aunt. Like I don't hate kids. You know, I'm like really have like aunt envy. I like want to get in there and start because I'm like, you know, I'm like love to take care of my dogs. Like I have like a nurturing side. I think people sometimes mistake not wanting children with like you're just a coldhearted non-nurturer, which is not the case. Right, right. It doesn't mean you hate children. It just means I hate some children. I'd rather not be around them most of the time. 100%. I also hate when we associate it with selfishness. And it's like, I don't know. I went to school my whole life. I worked my whole life. Shouldn't I get to enjoy my time and my money? Like yeah. Why is that quote unquote selfish? I think it'd be

selfish to like personally just me, not anybody else, just me, have kids to fulfill some fantasy, like, and then not want to feel like being a mom, you know? Right. Yeah. Have you always not wanted children? Yeah. Okay. I mean, I just, even when I was a kid, I was like, this is bullshit. No, like, I wouldn't play with baby dolls. I would just have like two Barbies, like, fucking, you know, like, I would never have me like, this is my baby. Like, this is my Cabbage Patch kids. Like, my Barbies are just like going at it. Cissoring? You're Barbie scissoring? No, I had a Kendall. when you were, when you told people, like, I don't think I want kids as you were, like, growing up, did people always say to you like, you'll change your mind or were they like, Chelsea's definitely not having kids?

I don't know. I mean, both probably, but people stopped asking or no. I mean, well, now in 46, it's really silly. Like my doctor, I had my blood work done last week and she was like, oh, you're, you know, you're so fertile. You've like, your eggs are like the, you know, something of a 25-year-old. And I just looked at her and I was like, know me less. Like, that's the worst news that you could give me. Like, I'm, that's like, I want things to wrap up. I'm not trying to, like, have a baby. Are you serious? She's like, well, you never know.

You could freeze you. I'm like, no one's freezing any eggs here. I know. It's a wrap on that. I'm ready to have a hysterectomy, if I'm being honest. I'm done having a period. I know. I mean, periods are so annoying.

I would just like to, you know, not have to deal with that anymore, especially when you don't need it for the baby part. That's, exactly. I had an IUD checked up. been there a couple days ago and it's just, I just can't stop bleeding. It's just 24-7. You're like having a step of your tea. I'm like, I can't stop bleeding.

Being a woman is amazing. It's exhausting. Yeah, it's pretty gross. Did you ever have to have that talk or break up with anybody that really wanted children? Because that's the fear of mine. No, no, no. But I mean, no, because you're always toying with the idea. You're never like really definitive.

You're like, I know I don't want children, but maybe one day, but maybe one day, one day. And then, you know, no, no one's ever, no guy's ever been like, I have to have your baby. No, but I am definitive. So if a guy is like, I really want a family, I would be like, I'm not going to go down this road. Yeah, but I feel like that's more, well, I guess, yeah, I guess guys are more like that now. But like, guys that are like 50 plus are not like dying to be dads, you know. I'm dating like 27 year old. Yeah, exactly.

That's what I need to start doing. You said 50 and Ashley like shut her. I was like, whoa, Chelsea, take it down on. Yeah, I know. Well, yeah, exactly. I have to lessen that margin, too, because I used to love older guys. And now that I'm getting older, it's like, no, no, thanks. Do you do younger? Have you, like, dabbled? No, I have. Yeah, I have dabbled. And we were talking about when you're single, just getting to live the life that you want, do whatever you want. And I know you took up skiing later in life, right? Like, you didn't ski growing up or did you? I did, okay. Yeah. But now it's like your life. Yeah, I love it. I love to ski. Yeah, I don't ski, but I was like, maybe one day I'll just be like Chelsea and pick it up. Yeah, pick it up, like a bat out of hell. I love it so much. I spent three months there this winter,

so I got pretty good at skiing for me, as good as I'm probably ever going to get. But yeah, it's been an ongoing pursuit of mine. I just love, I love being on the mountains and skiing. I just, it is the most therapeutic sport that I could ever, you know, it's like what people talk about when they surf. Yeah. Yeah. We always say women, like, get better as they get older, men sort of plateau at a certain age. Women are, like, picking up hobbies, like,

well into their 40s, 50s, 50s. They're like, I started this new workout routine. I have this new hobby. Also, I'm, like, a vegan. I'm a fitness person. Like, women are always, like, evolving and moving. Yeah, and plus there's so much great anti-aging stuff now, like, so for, especially if you live in L.A. or New York, right?

So women are fucking getting younger. Like, I definitely look younger than I did 10 years ago, just because I, like, take all these supplements and all this shit that's available, just because I'm like in this industry. You look good. Yeah, you look great. I noticed that.

I was like, Chelsea's like aging backwards. Well, thank you. Guys, I wish you would have said it before I had to bring it up myself. How's the sign of not being like a vain person? Like you were like, I'm just living my life, you know? Exactly. Then it hits. You're like, I should get some filler.

Listen. Like that's how I felt. I'll shoot my whole face up. I don't care. I'm gonna buy a new face every like 10 years. I'm freaking ready. What do you think about guys that get work done though? I just can't.

I feel like it's such a double standard because I get Botox and but I don't want my man being like, I got a good, good Votone. I don't like, yeah, I don't like when straight men get stuff done to themselves. I don't like that. Is there a lot of that? It's very hypocritical. It is. Do a lot of L.A. men get like Botox?

I love a weathered looking man. I do too. Yeah. No, I like that too. A little bit more rugged than what's going on here. Well, I mean, I like, yeah, I like, I don't like when men do that. Even even Joe Biden, it's like, what? Like, what is happening there?

I, like, I don't like that. Why'd you do that? But you know what's weird is that Joe, I feel like you would look at him and be like, oh, he must have been a hot, younger, middle-aged man. He was not. So Joe, like, glowed up. Like, Joe, in his 30s and 40s was not hot. But not catch one.

Right. He has, whatever he's done, he's better now at 80 or whatever the fuck he is. I don't know. I look at his old pictures and I'm like, I didn't see this coming. Yeah, I know. I don't think a lot of people saw it coming. Absolutely not. But I would fuck maybe 55-year-old Joe is like my favorite.

era. Around then? 55. 55 is a good age because they're not too old, but like, you know what I mean? They're still sprightly enough.

They're still going to be able to like have sex and like get it up. Yeah, after, and then he needs to go to bed at like seven o'clock. Like you have to only eat dinner. Well, that's perfect time for him to leave anyway. Well, I keep being like,

you talked about this in the special, but Ashley and I like drink a lot. We like to go out and party, but I think as we've gotten a little bit older, we both drank less too. And you used to be the vodka girl. and you said you sort of switched over to like edibles a little bit more, and now you're a doctor, you take notes and prescribe them to other people.

How did you like start to wean off of the amount of, well, how much were you drinking? We drink a lot, so, you know. I don't know, a lot, but I mean, I wasn't really keeping track of it. I just noticed, like, when I started taking edibles, I was like, oh, I kept drinking while I was taking the edibles. And then I was like, wait, this is unnecessary. Why am I doing both? Like, it's one or the other.

So then I just started taking the edibles and I just was so much more relaxed and so much more calm and just I realized the benefits of I had never really gone for a long period of time without drinking. Like I would go, you know, a few days or a week or something if I had like a photo shoot. But I had never gone for a while. And before I knew it, I was just like, you know, like a month had gone by and I hadn't had a drink. And I was like, oh, your whole face is different. Oh my God. I was like, oh, my cheeks are totally different. Like, so I just realized, you like, I made a note of that so I don't let it get back to that because I'm like, oh, that's no good. There's a lack of mental clarity.

And, you know, as you age for a woman, you just can't drink like that. It's true. Unfortunately, listen, I thought I would be the one who could say, yes, you can. It's true. You can't. It's just the truth. People are like, why does Jailo look like that? She doesn't drink.

She doesn't drink. Gwen Tifani doesn't drink. Right. And I mean, it is, you can see it in your face. I drank so much in my 20s and I've just, now I just don't do it as much. But even just one of those crazy nights, like you look, wake up in the morning, you're like, what is that face? Right, right.

Why do I even try if one day can like ruin everything I've done to this face? It takes me out. It takes me out for a full 24 hours. I mean, I was, during COVID I got, I gained a bunch of weight because I was drinking a bottle of wine tonight. I did COVID completely by myself. I quarantined alone for three months. Oh my God.

I'm like Ashley. Ashley doesn't like being alone as much as I do. Like that would be her nightmare for three months. I had like a, I live in a building with a lot of people. So I was around people. But I was alone. So I drank almost a bottle of wine every night. and I was just drinking like crazy

and I'm just not like a good version of myself like that. I don't get anything done and I'm like laying around sick the whole day. So it's just a shitty version of me. I think a lot of people just come to that point in their life where they're like, I'm losing days. You know, what am I doing? You know, if you have a job that you can excel at,

you're like, I just lost a day of being sharp, a day of work. I look, I'm bloated. I don't feel like a 10 out of 10. This just kind of sucks. Yeah. So that's why edibles are a good replacement. You know. Yeah. Are you, is it like a daily thing or? I mean, yeah, usually. Okay. I smoked a joint this morning.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, it depends. It depends what's going on. You know, like, I don't know. It depends what kind of mood I'm. And sometimes I just took 30 days off of smoking weed because someone called into my podcast and said, oh, God, you know, I smoke so much. My tolerance is so high. And I was like, oh, I'll do a 30 day like, you know, with you. So I just, I just finished that. And that was good. And then I was like, okay, it's good to take breaks from all of it. Yeah. Absolutely. Can we talk about. sex. Sure. And let's talk about sex and weed. I mean, do you feel like that's a good combo? Yeah. Like, would you prefer it to be involved? No, not mandatory. But yeah, I mean, anything with weed is good, I think. Okay. I do love an orgasm on weed. It's just, it's so much better. It lasts longer. I just, I can masturbate longer when I'm high. And you want to masturbate longer? I said longer. I mean, like, eight minutes versus five. Right. I don't mean, like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not watching like the whole porn. I just, I get right to the part where like, you know, like the cum shot and, you know, but I can prolong it like three more minutes. I see, I don't watch porn. You never have?

No. No, I mean, I did when I was a kid and I was like, what's this? I was like, oh my God, my brothers were watching this. I was like what? And no, but as an adult, no, I don't. I know. I feel like I haven't started my journey into porn yet. I don't know if I'll ever get into it like that. I mean, I'm not opposed. I'm like anti-porn. Do you watch only fans? I don't watch only fans. I Do you watch OnlyFans? No, but I've been hearing a lot about OnlyFans. There's a good documentary about OnlyFans. That's my only info about OnlyFans.

People are always like, what's the biggest thing that changed about you during COVID? And I'm like, I watch straight porn now. I just stop watching lesbian porn. That's the biggest thing that changed about me. Oh, really? I like watching Dick go in now. So, yeah, I'm a big porn fan.

I also like some Spankank-Bank stuff. Like, I prefer to masturbate to myself having sex with somebody. Yeah, I like really tuck those memories away, like bring it back up. Uh-huh. Like I feel like I do masturbate to my own imagination. Yeah. What are you? Like, I just feel like I haven't heard you kind of talk about sex a lot recently.

Like, what are you into? Not much. It's not that exciting. I'm pretty traditional. You are? Okay. Are you open? Are you adventurous?

Or are you like, sure, I'll do that? Or are you like, no, I kind of like what I like? No, I just like to keep it like straight up. You know what I mean? I'm not into any fancy shit. I mean, you know, whatever if you're with somebody. But no, I'm not into like all that. I'm not into any of that.

I was wondering what she was going to say. She was like, okay, what I want to talk about? I was like, what's going to? I don't know a lot of, I've, you know, followed your career. I'm familiar with your work. I feel like I don't know what you're into sexually. Like, I think that you should know that. I should feel like I should know.

Yeah, well, tell me, when you find out, let me know so I can fucking tell somebody. Let's work through this. If somebody was like, I want to tie you up, would you be like, I'll try everything once? No, I don't need to be tied up. Okay. You want to tie them up? No. I was a man.

It's like really, sorry. Okay, no, no. I feel like you've got to like dirty talk, right? I mean, it really would depend on the situation. I mean, this is what I'm talking about. My head is not in it. Like, I'm not even thinking about this. Like, dirty talk, I'm like, ugh.

You know, like, I think about, I'm just not, my head is not in the game. Okay. That's fair. And also, it's like, it's specific to the guy. Because I feel like if, I don't know if you can't pull it off, I don't want it. I don't want to hear, like, all the nasty, dirty things you're going to do to

me. I feel like you're just like this nice guy that can't pull it off. Yeah. And also... Probably. Yes. It's weird to me. Yeah. I had matched with this guy on Hinge that he was just so hot. Like he liked me first. He's so hot. And his first thing of the prompt that he answered said, I'm looking for a woman who is, will explore like dom sub dominant submissive stuff, which I wouldn't say that I am, but I was just like, I'll see what this is about.

Like I'll chat with him, you know, for research. And like I, we haven't like, Talk, this just happened like earlier this morning, but... This morning. I just was like, I'll match with him. First thing. She's like, I set my alarm and got up this morning and then I decided I was going to be sub-dom on my hinge. Yeah, she didn't text me all.

I usually wake up to like a slew of text messages from her at 2 o'clock in the morning. Oh, really? Saying what? What are you texting her about at the morning? Dom stuff? Yeah. Well, Raina, I go to bed late and she then wake up later if she goes to bed earlier. So I'll be thinking about like even work stuff and she'll just get hit with like a broad

of text the morning. Not today. Probably not. Yeah, but I... She was doming last night. Well, I just want to see what he has to say. I'm just curious. I want to know how far the Dom sub stuff goes.

Like, I don't, I never want to be the Dom. I only want to be the sub. I want people to tell me I'm like a dirty little girl and I deserve this or something. But I want to see how far they're going to take it. Like the Don't. Like, do I have to be in a dungeon? Right. Like, he lives in Manhattan.

Like, he don't have room for a dungeon. You know, like you don't have that kind of real estate. Like, where's he doing all this stuff? Just in his one bedroom apartment. Like, that's not that sexy. Yeah, I wouldn't want to dominate a man either. It's like, I'm not interested in that. That's exhausting.

Like, honestly. Well, let's talk about the podcast a little bit. How you started it, why you started it. It's called Dear Chelsea. And I listened to one of the episodes yesterday about a pool. You guys, the theme that day was mothers in your relationship with your mothers. You talked to somebody who had a narcissistic mother, someone who's thinking about moving away from their mother.

So maybe, like, to wrap up, we'll talk about the podcast, why you started it, who you're hosting it with. I'm hosting it right now with my assistant Brandon Marlowe. So we're giving advice to people. Like, people write in, they call in about life advice. It could be really stupid advice. But most of it's actually been quite serious. But like I just kind of take what I've learned in a tongue-and-cheek kind of way through

my therapy. Because like when I learn something, I can spit it back out very quickly. So since I've been to therapy, I mean, people are always asking me for advice. And so I'm and I've always given it. solicited before. So I was like, why don't I do a podcast where I just take advice? Because I had another podcast for Iheart that I was supposed to do and I couldn't think of anything that I wanted to do. And I thought, oh, that's a great way for me to like talk to regular people, give them life advice. And it's been awesome. I mean, it has been the most fun because people

are really like calling with real problems and we're helping them because most people just need to push in the right direction, like to break up with a guy or to leave a job or to say, fuck you to their parent who doesn't approve of them being gay or, you know, whatever. It's like, you just need that best friend who's going to be like, hey, you have bravery inside of you. Tap into it and like make a strong decision. So it's been really fun and I'm really loving it. So yeah, I think we'll just continue this until, you know, for a while.

Uh-huh. I will say, I thought a couple of pieces of advice were you just having to like push somebody in the right direction? You said like, you know your mom's a narcissist. Stop talking to her. Or you know you want to move. You have all the tools. Just do it.

and maybe like getting that advice of just like somebody co-signing it is really what people need. Well, it's also like, you know, you go, you know when you're going through a problem, you go around your circle of friends of people that you tell, like, you know, your five or six closest people. And they're all like, you know, kind of, you know, either supporting the same narrative or against it. So it's kind of nice to go to somebody who doesn't know you and like get an objective opinion. And obviously I'm going to tell you like, you know, how it seems. Like, I'll tell you the truth. So there's no personal investment in any of it, you know.

Right, you never have to talk to those people ever again. Well, no, I mean, there's no personal, I have no stake in it. So I'm not going to be like, I'm not going to try and steer you wrong. Obviously, like, I'm going to try to help you. Yeah. Are you still in therapy with your therapist? No, I mean, I mean, he's there. But no, I don't go on the regular racist anymore now.

Because I'm fixed. Yeah, you're, that's where you graduated. I'm cured. Yeah. You talked about the special that you have a gift to die or tell people, prescribe people drugs, I guess. But then it kind of shifted to you just saying like, you know, weed is the answer. But do you feel like you still have that gift?

Like, can you prescribe drugs? Well, yeah, I can. But, like, I mean, I can, for certain issues. I know exactly what works for certain people and the side effects of a lot of things. Like, I'm a very quick study on pharmaceuticals because it's an interest of mine. Okay. So I do know, like, if you have an issue with something, what to do about it. Like a general practitioner's breadth of knowledge, I would say I have.

Okay. I have taken a, I've had a few really terrible edible experiences. And I think I just took too much and it was like the worst nights of my life. And so I'm wondering, I kind of just like, I just weed's not for me. I mean, I'll, you know, hit a blunt, if you pass it to me right now, I'm not like anti-weed. I'll always, I'll do a little if it's around. But I just have had really terrible experiences. And I hear about so many other people having amazing experiences.

And I'm wondering if I'm just not wired for it or not. Yeah, I think some people aren't wired for it. it. I mean, if you can take a hit off of, I mean, everyone's physiological, biological, biological makeup is a little bit different. So everybody's receptors, which are like, you know, with the cannabinoids, like, attached to are different in each person. So some people are never going to get with weed. If you took to, if you had a freak out experience, it's most likely because you took too much. Now with microdosing, there's like 2.5 milligrams. There's one milligram mince. But it's good to like have an entry point and monitor it and like

actually be in a safe space, try it, see if it helps you in any way. But if you don't think it's for you, it's not like, yeah, it's not for everybody. But it is usually because you don't know how to dose yourself. And many people don't because for so many years, edibles were just like, you know, in a piece of chocolate, half of it's on one side of the chocolate, the other half doesn't have any. Like it's not, it wasn't not measured or scientific in any way. Now it's a little bit different, a lot different actually. Okay. I've always steered away from it as well. I do smoke weed. I was smoking a lot before bed every night. I'll just, you know, watch some TV, Master Bake go to sleep. But I've never, I've never tried an edible ever. I've never, like, gotten into it. It scares me. It scares me I take one hit. I know exactly how high I'm going to get. So it scares me to not know how much to take. So is like, would you recommend, like, try the, the mints or something first, try a really small dose?

Yeah, like Petra mints have a really small dosage. They're 2.5 milligrams, I think. those mints. Then there's, I think there's another version that has one milligrams. So yeah, like, if you're curious and you think that, you know, it's like, what are you treating also? Like, is it medicine for your anxiety? For me, I like edibles for sleeping. You know, or are you doing it to laugh or are you doing it to what? You know, so you kind of have to like monitor the strains, see how you react to it and treat it like it's like a scientific study because you're just like collecting data, you know? Yeah, I think I'm kind of, I'm not a really an anxious person. if I am having anxiety or something, I kind of work through it with like, you know,

it sounds so lame, but like exercise and just kind of getting my head right and not drinking, but the sleeping would probably be my goal, like, because of my head just spends at night for hours. I have to like really not, like last night someone sent us this email and I was like, don't look at it, don't look at it. And I just like went down this dark hole, this like podcast drama with this other podcast and I couldn't stop thinking about it for two hours. And then it kept me up all night and then my dreams were about it. It was just like, I need to turn my brain off an hour before.

You got to get a little numb at night. That's what I would need it for. I like the way my brain functions normally. I'm normally pretty good. I feel pretty good. But that's where my issue lies is the sleeping. Yeah, you should try and take one of those. What's good for sleeping?

I wish I had some on me. Maybe those Sarah's, they have those, Sarah is a good brand. They have like these little gummies and some CBD, THHC, and just get the one with the more CBD ratio, the higher CBD. and that will help your body calm down and then your mind will follow. That's where we were trying.

I was trying to get you to prescribe drugs. Okay, well, there you go. Prescription is there. Problem solved. I don't know what my problems are, Chelsea. What do you think Raina should do? Can you do a vibe on her yet? No, I mean.

She's like cocaine. All I know that I know. Yeah, all I can tell is that she masturbates all the time. Yes. I used to do a lot of Coke. Oh, you did. Did you ever get into that? Get into Coke?

Like, did you have a Coke phase? No, not a Coke. I wouldn't call anything a Coke. I wouldn't call it a Coke phase now. I've definitely, there's a lot of cocaine around Hollywood for sure. Yeah. You think it goes out of style and then it's in style. You're like, wait, what?

Are people doing Coke? And then you're like, oh, oh, yeah, they are. Okay. I would call my Coke phase like a hobby, not a habit. Like, people bring it to shows for me sometimes. And I'm like, guys, I'm all set. I'm not going to be. Yeah, that's a tricky drug to take from a stranger.

Yeah. Although I guess that's how you take it from a stranger. That's true. I don't know why I'm like drawn the line of these, like, sweet young girls that come to our show. It's like, no, I'll get into somebody's car and pick it up then. No. But I'm out of the phase.

I guess I haven't done it in years. You're out of the Coke game. I haven't done it in years. Yeah, I'm out of the Coke game. Can we talk a little bit about your dogs and your dog journey? Oh, yes. My dog journey. I just love, we talked before we started recording,

I feel like some parallels between my life with dogs and yours. And I just think it's so admirable that you will rescue these older dogs. Well, I like them because they're on the way out. So that way, there's, not a ton of effort required for me and that they'll just get lots of love and attention because there will be people at my house that will take extra care of them

and I'll be there and you know I don't want to play fetch or go for long hikes so I like older dogs because they need love you know they leave the world knowing they were loved at the end of I like scrappy old rejects I love this idea I think that's this is me I don't want to like oh my god my dad's dog is a hundred

true toys always touching me with them I don't I'm trying to fuck with you right now. I love a docile dog. Well, there's this, I feel like you'd like this rescue because you're from New Jersey and they're in base New Jersey. They're called 11th hour rescue. And I had my eye on this one dog that had been given back to the shelter after 10 years with a family because they had a baby that it didn't really get along with the baby.

I mean, you just, these stories are so sad. I feel like that's my retirement plan is a like senior dog rescue on our family farm because no dog shift to die in a shelter, like live their final days. Sad, sad. I'm so sad. I'll do that with you. I'm trying to get a compound with all of our single friends. Yeah, like we should normalize it.

Do you think you'll ever live with a partner? Are you like, you're not going to be in my space? I don't know. Maybe, maybe one day. Hopefully, hopefully I'll be in a place where I could do that, you know. I'll definitely live with friends at some point. Like I do like that kind of communal living compound style. You know, my family and I will probably do that at some point.

I love that. Have you had a really painful breakup in your life? Yeah, for sure. We just love talking about breakups. What did you do to cope, to get through it? I know. I mean, all I remembered was thinking, I can't wait until I don't care anymore about this.

100%. Like all I wanted to was like, I want to be untethered. I wanted the feeling, that's why I'm so sitting in it so much, probably. It's because I just wanted to feel untethered. I wanted to not be attached to anyone, to not feel that, oh, my God, is he going to call or what's he saying about me or blah, blah, blah, blah, or is he going to miss me? You know, I just wanted to be detached.

And so when it finally did happen, I really wanted to enjoy it, you know? And I've dated people casually, you know, off and on all the time. You know, that's normal. But like to really be in a relationship again, there's a sense of freedom and not being in one, you know? A hundred percent. Like you hear people talk about what's happening in their relationships, then it makes you reflect in relationships. You've been in when you're like, God, I just don't want to go back there.

I mean, I love a really solid, stable relationship, but it is nice sometimes to just not care or not have to worry about all that stuff. Yeah, and enjoy the detachment, I guess. You know, I think people get stuck on this, like, I feel lonely. I don't know, like, what's next. I need a person to fill that hole. And it's like, you can fill that hole with so many other things.

And sort of like live in the detachment of having one person you're responsible to. I love that advice. Yeah. Yeah. I think we'll wrap up there. Yeah. This has really been such a pleasure.

We are both really big fans of your work, your specials. Chelsea lately, I grew up watching. Thank you, girls. That's why I got into comedy in the first place was just watching it. And I was like this,

okay, well, I'm going to make my career comedic and start doing stand-up and start pursuing these things and writing and everything. And so that was how I started getting into comedy

was that show. It was just so incredible. Oh, wow. I love that. Thanks, girls. Thank you for everything you've done. And we've just loved watching your career. I know, it's like a proud mom. We've loved watching. You've really broke the mold of like what a traditional comedian is.

Or a traditional host or a traditional writer. And you didn't just have like one path. So it's very inspiring because we hope to do things like that as well. Oh, thank you. Thank you for being here. Obviously, you're a podcast to your Chelsea. Fantastic. Available everywhere that podcasts are available everywhere. That podcasts are available. Check out the special evolution on HBO Max. All your books are available everywhere. Anything else? You want to plug? No. Thank you, girls. Yeah. Chelsea Handler. At Chelsea Handler. Ever heard of it? Thank you.

Thank you for being here. Thank you so much. All right. And you guys know where to find us. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. On Instagram. Ash Hess.

Raina. greenberg on Instagram. Girls underscore got to eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Gotta Eat. And we will see you next week. Thanks, guys. Have a good week.

Bye.