Girls Gotta Eat - This Friendship is Over!

Episode Date: August 26, 2019

Friend breakups can be just as painful as romantic ones and we're discussing it all -- drifting apart, getting back together, fights, jealousy, roommate conflicts, making new friends, and more. We also recap and rank fights we've had (oh yes, we fight...in public), and play an extra special round of "How I Knew She Was a True Friend." And lastly, we catch up on Dewey Beach, Rayna's brother, and Ashley's vibrators. We hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @OneHungryJew. Check our website for tour dates and merch. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Rothy's: Go to rothys.com/gge to find your new favorite flats. ThirdLove: Go to thirdlove.com/gge to get 15% off your first purchase. OpenFit: Get a special extended 30-day free trial membership by texting GGE to 303030. Lola: Get 40% off your first month's subscription at mylola.com and enter code GGE when you subscribe. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I can't fight with you. I just like, I hate it. The other day, there was like a little tension. You called me right away. And I was like, hey. Like, usually when you call, I'm like, hi. And I was like, what's up? You knew that this is about.

Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. We're really doing it. We've been sitting here for four hours. Bullshitting. We have recorded it so long. It's been a minute. I don't remember how to do this.

I know. I think that's why we've been procrastinating. Procrastinating. Great. I can't say words. We're starting off strong. I got her four hours ago. I know. Okay, so here's what happened. Here's what happened was I thought I was going to work out at 3.30. So I was like, Raina, can you please come over at 1230? Because I want to, I know we're going to chit chat a little and I need to leave the apartment by three. Then it was three. And then I was like, I'll just go to the five o'clock. Then it was five. Listen, there's a lot of stuff going on with guys and we just needed to have to work through some stuff. Yeah. Like a lot of moving parts have been going on. And then we both decided we want to buy homes. I think you want to buy home in the Hamptons.

Ashley's like, that's so stupid. And like in 30 seconds, she had fired it up Trulia and she's looking up payments for houses in Delaware. Well, yeah. So we rent, this is not what we're talking about today, but we both rent. And I think we're like... Surprised to real estate episode, guys. We're at a point. It's a real estate episode.

We're at a point where we were like, I would like to own a home someday, but I would buy a home in Delaware, like at the beach. And you said you were thinking you would buy something on like Long Island, like in the Hampton. So we just were both on real estate website. for the last hour when we were supposed to be recorded. So if you're a real estate company and you want to comp us for being influencers, if you want to give us a home.

I'm out here for it. I'm talking to Matt Hustlite. He's like, I can manage the property. I mean, it's just like, that's where I see my life long term? People are like,

where do you think you'll be long term? I'm like, I will live in Delaware. Yeah. Like when I'm old, I will retire at the beach, in Roebate with Beach, live next door to my brother and that's,

that'll be my life until I die. His kids will take care of me. That's the plan. I forgot that you have kids to take care of. of you later in life. I guess I have to have kids. What? Oh, right, because you don't know for sure if your brother's having kids. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to have kids. No, but I have my plans as my brother has three. I pick the middle one that's kind of neglected,

scoop them up, spoil them, they take care of me when I'm dying. That's a really good plan. Isn't it a good plan? And I have to hope that Arlen gets. I'm, Arlen has three kids. Okay, I do want to say speaking of my brother. Now, I'm glad you brought my brother up. Oh, yeah, we have to talk about this. The amount of DMs you girls sent me about my brother. Okay, I will say, so I was in Chicago for Orleans. Yeah, back up.

I was in Chicago for Orleans 30th birthday. Happy 30th, Arlen. With my whole family and his wife. Yeah. Who I talk about all the time. Right. Whole episode about fucking his friend at their wedding. Like you, it hasn't been as much lately, but if you actually listen to this podcast,

you definitely know your brother is married. Happily married. I really like. And, you know, my brother is not available. thirsty bitches. I cannot. I love it. It was so funny.

So I posted this photo of him on my Instagram. It's the most likes I've ever gotten on a photo, me in Ireland. And all these girls, what's his handle? I can't believe you're holding out on it.

It's your brother's hot. I can't believe you never mentioned your brother's hot. It's like kind of embarrassing that everybody's out of going to be like, I can't believe your brother's hot. That's the first thing I commented. I was like, why are you, I wrote, I was like,

why is everybody so surprised? What'd you expect? Yeah, we're short little Jews, but we're good looking. Hot family alert. But the amount of girls that slid in, and then the amount of girls that's slid in after that being like, I can't believe how many people don't know that he's married.

And then the one girl that slid in was like, what's up with your dad? Bill Greenberg is also married, unfortunately. Barely. Barely. Girls, if you're... Listen, if you're older or you just like an older man and you're listening and you think you have it it takes to break up Bill Greenberg and his wife, do it. Right.

He's 72. If you want to fuck a 72-year-old, I'm not going to try to stop you. It is disgusting. Okay. You're like, I would know. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's disgusting.

Someday I'll probably have to fuck a 72 year old though because I'll be 72. Well, I find 72 year old attractive when I'm 72. You know what? I'm just going to say this right now. I feel like we need to do an episode with senior citizens. What? Like, I'm dying to know. When do you stop fucking?

Some people never. I would never ask my parents this, but my parents are getting close to 70. They're 67 and 68. Do you want me to ask for parents? They're like young and cool. No, you can't ask them there. Your dad and I were talking about lesbian porn the other night. Okay, so that transitions us into Dewey Beach.

We went on vacation with my family, obviously. You and my dad, you guys really have a special bond. I feel like bringing you around has just made everybody closer. What? Like you are by like, you're like my partner. Oh my God. And they love you. Like they liked my other ex, but not like they like you.

I'm delightful. You and my tower just talking about lesbian. poor. My mom's high. My mom was funny this vacation. Your mom is funny and your dad, there are no rules. Like, your dad will be drinking like a chardonnay and then he'll be drinking gin on the rocks and then we'll segue to beer and go right back to wine. Like, Lee Heseltine cannot be held down. He cannot be managed. And then wakes up at seven and is out on the beach with the dog. It's wild. Every morning I was by myself with your dad on the beach and I was like, this is awkward. reason why you're sober.

We don't really have anything to talk about. I was like, do somebody else please come down here? Every morning, Reyna woke up and hung out with my family without me until I woke up. I will say we walked into the beach house and

my parents live in Delaware. They live like a half hour from the beach. My brother has a house at the beach, but we like rent a house for the week when we go down there for the week until I buy a house down there. And so we never really know what we're going to get. They're always nice.

They have to be dogs. friendly. So they're not like the nicest most luxurious houses because they have to allow two big dogs. So we walk in and immediately, I was like, the AC in here doesn't work. I knew it. I could feel it. I could smell it. I was just like the AC is not working. And this old man who like was running us the property is giving us a tour with a fucking NRA T-shirt on. I'm like this fucking guy. And I see a window unit. And I'm like, why is there a window unit? You know why there's a window unit? Because the central AC is not popping. He was like, oh, you know, we just need a little boost in one of the bedrooms. I'm like, there's a vent right there. Why does this bedroom need a boost? You're a

is not working, sir. I was so fired up. I was like, we can't live like this. Enraged. I'm walking around the house just trying not to make eye contact with Ashley. I don't want to make it any worse than it already is. She will not stop about the in-house AC unit. She will not stop. She's out her mom's trying to sweetly talk to this guy. And Ashley's like, I will tell you, this is what you say. Okay, first I'm going on Amazon right now, buying a thermometer.

It will be here tomorrow. I'm going to timestamp the temperature in this home. You are feeding your mom a script. for what she should say, your 70-year-old mom, you're explaining to her how to speak to people. And nobody's telling you to shut up, which makes no sense at all. Here's the thing.

My family would punch me in the face. No. First of all, my mom, I'm 67, and she's hot. So I was like, mom, she called that man. Of course, him and his wife were at dinner because it was five, and that's what time they go to dinner. Is it time entering people at dinner? That's what time those Second Amendment people have dinner.

So he was, she left a voicemail, and she's like, he'll call me back. and we were getting ready to go to jam session at bottle and cork. That's what you do at 5 p.m. on a Saturday. And I was like, when he calls you back, this is the language you use. You say this is unacceptable. You say I'll be disputing the charge on my credit card. This house was supposed to have central AC. And we will not stand for this and we need to get some out here to fix this.

I finally get Ashley out of the house. We walk down to bottle and cork. I'm not even making eye contact with her because I don't want to ignite this fire any further. And we get to bottle and we walk in silence for like eight minutes. And we get in line at bottle and cork. and she looks to me and she says, I'm going to drop this, but this is not over. People are always like, do you guys like each other?

And I'm just like, she ignores me really well. I know that I make people around me really tense, but I'm also the fixer. Like, what if I never would have stepped up and tried to fix this and told my mom to say to that man, bottom line, they fixed it. Someone was out there at 7 a.m. fixing the AC unit. And, yeah, I was like, I don't want to,

I don't want to ruin the rest of the night. We'll figure this to this. We'll figure this out. Yes. And I just looked to you and said, I'm going to drop it, but it's not over. You started dying. I'm always so glad when it's over. And then we got drunk and went back and my parents were like crushing Grotto's Pizza.

And that's when you and my dad just like started to slamming wine. You guys were talking about lesbian porn. I was like, I can't. This is too much. You and my mom then started looking at pictures of your ex. And my mom was like, oh, he's so hot. It was like a ridiculous night. I got about that. My ex is like DMing me about some girl he's dating and like your mom and I are responding.

That was wild. So Dewey Beach was great. Do you was great. It wasn't as wild as it was last year. But I came back not hating myself as much as much as much as much as much as much. Yeah. You kind of you got there and you, like with the first time when we got to jam session Saturday, you were like talking to all these dudes. Every time I looked around, you were like talking to some new dudes. There was so much, there was so much talent there. Yeah. Young talent. It was they were, it was young. I like it young. August is a little weird and I feel like Dewey Beach is. the vibes that we usually go in July. It's just, it's a little different. A lot of it. No, younger, I don't know. You did them younger. The guys I was talking to were like 27. You didn't remember that. They're too old for you. There's hair on their chest. Yeah, they have balls hadn't dropped yet. I was like, absolutely not.

Ashley and I ran a meeting. Do you legally get in here? You're too old for me. Ashley and I ran in a meeting yesterday and like the assistant sitting in the corner. I kept thinking about fucking him. I could not stop thinking about it. I had to keep turning and looking out the window because I was bursting out laughing. He was 21 tops. That was probably his summer internships. I'm going to teach him about the real world. But yeah, it was like, we just had a great time.

We went to my girlfriend's house. My girlfriend, Laura, has this a beautiful house. She had, like, hosted us. We had crabs and Rose. It was like the best night ever. Just such a fun girl's night. I feel like this trip was just more like girls' time. My best friend, Corey came down.

Louisa came. Like, we were just like hanging out with the girls. It was great. Did the comedy show. I did a bunch of new material about my dad. My dad loved it. It's best set you've ever done. Thank you. It was fun. I had such a good time. I felt really good about it. It was so fun. A lot of you girls came, like a lot of listeners came to Starboard to see the comedy show. I feel like next year we're going to book the lineup. I wanted to have like Andrew Collin and Francis and Mike Cannon. Yeah. I was like we're doing this next year. Turn this into a girl's got to eat at the Starboard show. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Stay tuned next year, guys. But it was great. Am I glad to be back though? I don't know. I thought all I wanted was for like summer tour 2019 to end. I've been telling everybody.

I'm going to be in New York for 35 days. I'm so excited. But now all these people keep asking me to hang out. I don't have an excuse anymore. It's like, what do people do when they don't have an excuse? They lie. I'm going to start lying. You have to say you don't feel well.

I'm going to start being sick a lot. You have to say you're exhausted from work. People are going to be like, you didn't even put pants on today. I think these days, you know what it's so easy these days to be like, I just seem to stay in and self-care. Like, self-care. I need to take care of myself right now. I don't have the capacity to.

Self-care for me is just I eat a bunch of weed gummies. Just like watch comedy specials. Last night I had something so important to tell you and I like missed the window and you'd already gone to sleep and I was like, oh my God, I can't believe you're already high in bed. I actually smoked a bunch of weed. I was sort of awake. But like it was not, I couldn't talk.

There's no way. I miss the window. I don't understand people that can like do a bunch of drugs and then talk. Like I'm just a nerd, I just, I need to like get high and think about every mistake I've ever made and get real paranoid. and then masturbate, go to sleep. You masturbate high? Oh, I guess it's...

Yeah, people like that. Cannot recommend it enough. Yeah. Cannot recommend orgasms when you are stoned enough. Really? Oh, my God. Okay. I mean, you know me.

I don't really do a lot of weed, just not because I'm against it because I just get kind of paranoid in my head. It just doesn't work for me in my brain structure. Yeah. I'm only a recenter weed smoker. Well, we have such a great episode today. We're so excited.

We're talking about friendships. female friendships, breakups, all the things. All the things. Yes. And before we get into it, girls, start the group chat, tell all your friends, come to our live shows. Yes. I cannot hype our live shows and not, you know, like, stop talking about them.

I don't care. They're the most fun shows that I've ever been to. I literally are. I can't believe. Like, it's not a live podcast. It is a full-blown, wild-ass comedy show. Everybody's drunk on White Claw. We're bringing you girls up on stage, plugging your phones in, doing crazy shit with

your own lives. Like, it's the best. It is. And I think, you know, and this is not to hate on like any other people that are doing this on stage and doing live podcasts. But we're doing better. Okay. You know what? Those are other people's words. Not hours. It's just not what you expect. We don't record this. It's not an episode. It isn't a sit down live podcast. Let's have people that we interview. And again, nothing wrong with that. We just chose to do it differently. We want laughs from start to finish. Entertainment, crowd participation. Dancers when we have a theater. Music, like the whole thing. It's whole experience. So we just can't hype these enough. We literally just say. sat down. One of the reasons why we took four hours to get recording is we were playing in our shows for next year and through the winner. But as of this point, we still have tickets for... I'll hit you with the detail. Yeah. We said we weren't going to add extra shows and then we did. So we have coming up still available Columbus Night 2, which is Monday, September 22nd. We added that. We added a second night in Atlanta. Those are almost sold out. So that'd be Thursday, October 23rd. 24th. Is it 24th? 24th is Thursday.

Yeah. Okay. St. Louis sold out overnight. You guys are amazing. So we've added a second night. It's going to be Saturday number 15th in St. Louis. And then of the existing dates, we have Pittsburgh, which is going to be the dopest theater on earth. I'm so excited. New Orleans, which is going to be the wildest night. Nighter. The Joy Theater. Ashley's middle name. It's meant to be. And then Charleston in October as well, one is our favorite cities. So we can party with you guys. Yeah. Guys, seriously, do whatever. We don't need to tell you. Like, just they are so incredible. incredible, such a fun girls night, do whatever it takes to make it to these shows.

We love seeing you guys so much. And especially when they're in these big theaters, you know you can expect dancers. I got my girl Jennifer and Charleston working on our dancers for Charleston. They're super excited. So yeah, we're doing it. We're doing it. Pittsburgh. Going to be some hood rat shit.

I can't wait for me. I'm going to drink on Mickey's Ice 40s. That's what I'm going to drink in Pittsburgh. Yeah, you're right. No white claws, only 40s. Only 40s. Old English. Just a couple of housekeeping things about the live shows.

If you guys have questions about tickets, if you want to switch the night that you're going. If you want to sell your tickets, you've got to contact the venue. It has nothing to do with us, so don't message us about it. We don't have any control over it. The showtime that the actual show starts is always on our website. Yeah. If you're confused about that, that is on our website. You can come solo. Lots of people come solo. You can bring your boyfriend. We will roast your boyfriend all night long. It'll be great. Bring him if you feel like it. It just reminded me. So someone tweeted she was like, I want to go to Columbus, but I want to go alone. And she tweeted that. Another girl DM does. She was like, I live in Columbus. I,

I hooked them together. I was like, this girl tweeted. If you're on Twitter, tweeted her. Coming alone is A, it's fucking cool. B, you will literally make new friends. We've seen it happen. We've seen girls come alone with a meet and greet ticket. Like, they bought a meeting greet ticket and then they come up on stage with their new friends.

And we do group pictures with them and their new friends because they came alone. Like honestly, and here's the thing today. We're talking about friendships and friend breakups. If all your friends fucking suck, dump them. Make new friends at our shows. You have all new friends now. Those are your friends now. 2019.

Don't be out here with shitty friends. Right. Make new friends at our shows. Only the coolest girls come to our shows. It is just, it's such a nice experience, and we're not bullshitting with that. Like, we hear girls all the time. Like, I met so. I mean, it's just such a great female body experience.

It really is. And then we have one more show left. We're going to announce a show in December for the holidays in like a week or two. So we're just getting that straight out. And that's it. I mean, I want to say save the date? Oh, my God. Are we doing it?

Let's just do it. Save the date Friday the 13th, bitches. I'm so excited. December, Friday the 13th. I'm not going to say the venue. we'll hold, we'll keep you guys guessing, but that is the date. So if you are, I don't know if you're planning your holiday travel. It's written in stone Friday the 13th.

Easy to remember. I think we can get the link up by either Labor Day or the next Monday. So we'll have it up in a couple weeks. Yeah. This will be the last episode before I move. Oh my God. I can't believe that. Is this the last thing we're recording here?

No, we're recording one more with here, with, we're recording one more here, but that'll come out. on Labor Day, but I am moving September 1st. So this Sunday, I can't believe it's happening. You are handling moving much better than I handled it. Well, I have less stuff. When I plug my moving company, I'll plug them more next week, flat right moving,

they're moving me. They've been great. They have a move plan. I don't have that much stuff. I mean, when you downgrade your size and you move to New York City, I mean, you have to be kind of minimalist. I don't have a lot. Look around. I mean, I'm trying to sell stuff as we speak, and I don't have a bunch of closets with shit in. Like, everything's pretty much what you see is what you get.

So also they're going to do everything for me. What a dream. I'm going to pack my bathroom and my vibrators. And I said that on the phone with them. And I didn't realize it came out of my mouth. No, you did not. It was a girl. She was, she laughed. Yeah. She was really uncomfortable when you really go for it. And you're like, I'm going to say something absurd and nobody laughs. Like, that's not uncomfortable. You live for that. I do. The worst time it ever happened to me was when I had a UTI and I was in D.C. with my ex. And I went to like a walk-in clinic to get like meds because I was like, I couldn't like breathe. and she was like, listen, you're the doctor.

She was like, you're going to be fine. Just like, no crazy activities this weekend. Like, you know, don't go wild. And I was like, so I guess like, coax out, huh? She was a pregnant female doctor. Crickets. Like, clearly you're joking or not. I bombed at the clinic.

Yeah, she, I was talking to a woman. We were talking about what I had to pack. And I was like, well, yeah, I was like, I want them to pack most of my stuff. I'll pack my bathroom and my vibrators. And she didn't laugh, laugh. She snickered. She just, what was the last time that girl heard the word vibrators on a moving call? Never.

She's like, please list the things that we need to handle with care. I'm like, my TV, my ceramics. Surraming. That's skull. My one ceramic. My ceramic. Sorry, that's so stupid. It is so stupid.

Oh my gosh. Those are the fragile things. My vibrator is not fragile. I just don't know what I'm touching it. I actually should just leave it out just for the content. I should video them when they go to pack my vibrators. That's very funny. Do you know at least once a day?

I think about the fact that your vibrator and your lube just lives on the table next to your bed. Like, you're just living this wild life. Like, it just doesn't have a drawer. You're just like, I'm just going to let it fly out on this table next to my bed. Here's the thing. I don't have a bed. That's what's next to my bed. I'm going to get a nightstand with a drawer.

I promise you in the new apartment. I'm making a lot of changes. I'm going to try to go to bed earlier, wake up earlier. I have a nice day with the drawer. Those are my goals. I just don't know. Like, you have to have a naughty drawer. Like, I keep, like, my drugs and my sex stuff in a drawer next to my bed.

Well, I will say that I have a lot of people stay here when they watch Dewey. I don't board Dewey. He has sitters come and stay here with him. And I put him away. You want the vibrators to be easy to find, so you leave them out. I put him away in my underwear drawer. I put them away. Sorry, it's two things.

It's vibrator and the lube. And I have three. Okay, there's another vibrator. There's another one? How many vibrators do you have? one, I'm a minimalist. All right. I have one.

I have a lot of them, but I don't use the one. I use the same one you use. Twinning. It's the same brand. If we don't share the same vibrator. Shout out to Babeland for our vibrators. One of the wildest things is like I was like hooking up with this guy like maybe like two months ago and I opened up my nightstand drawer and he was like, how do you have this many

vibrators? This is wild. So what do you make in fun of me for? Because I at least keep them in. drawer. You're right. It's not just like the buffet isn't on the table next to my bed. I know. Like I always forget when we, it just depends. I feel like half of the guests that we have here want to look at my bedroom because they're just curious about New York City apartments. Yeah. I mean, I'm a snooper, you know, snoop and poop. Like I want to go. I want to see every

crevice of somebody's home. Absolutely. I was on Jared Freed's. I'm sure you were on Jared Freed's episode recently, his show. And like I walked into his apartment and just started walking into Yeah. Like I like to look around. So it's like people come and then they always go. Do you mind if I picking your bedroom and I, it's too late. I can't say no. I can't hide the vibrator, so I just have to hope they don't see it. Okay, so you guys write us a lot about friendship. Yeah. And we know that we're like a dating sex relationship podcast, but friendships are relationships and we like covering them. Yeah. We've done a couple other episodes if you guys want to go back and check them out about how to make friends. That's called all the single

ladies. And we did one earlier this summer called Girl Code about like behaving, not like a piece of shit to your friends with guys basically. Yeah. So, today we're going to talk about just drifting apart from your friends and toxic friendships and how do you break up with those? Anything else? No. I mean, mainly like that. Also, we touched on this a little bit just while we're naming other episodes in the first episode of the year, make 2019 your bitch because we talked about like cutting these people out of your life. So I feel like I mentioned some friend breakups I'd had and you did as well. And I feel like we're really going to hone in on that. Like this is something that we've got, we get so many

messages about. And I just want to tease this that we are doing, we're going to do breakup breakup episodes coming soon. A couple different things. Toxic relationships and then when it's just not there anymore and you feel like it's kind of lukewarm. We're very excited to do that one. I were really excited. I think we get a lot of messages about that. Like I just, I don't know if like I'm in love with him. And how to break up with someone? I feel like we get so many messages, how do I break up with someone? Especially when they've done nothing wrong. I got tons of stuff. All right. Anyway, friend breakups. I want to start this off by validating friendship breakups and that they are really painful and can be very upsetting. And I think people don't, you say I broke up with

a friend and some people might scoff and be like, cool, you know. But if you break up with a friend of years, it's way more painful than breaking up with a dude you've been fucking for a couple months. You know, like, I think a friendship breakup sucks and it's painful and it's upsetting and it's something that you can dwell on and lose sleep about and cry about. And so I just, I wanted to write off the badge, just validated that this is a thing. Oh, yeah. That is something worth discussing. I think a lot of times people that have been in your life for a decade, you share a group of friends. They've been with you through everything. Like, it's really hard. It takes, I think, a lot, even more. I think when like you, you extricate like a romantic relationship from your life,

a lot of people feel like a lot of like weight off. And I don't know that you feel like that immediately when you extricate a friend from your life because it's like so painful. And so I was excited to talk about it today. Yeah. And I think that you and I are at an interesting age where like I have gone through these these situations where people have moved, people had kids. I've been in different life stages as people. So I have had a lot of like ebbs and flows of people. Yeah. And so I want to talk about like how you could get back to center with those people too. Like it's not always a friend breakup. Sometimes it's just a lull in a friendship.

I totally agree. I mean, I'm also happy to start there. Okay. Because I think people don't know that. And I've said this before. I forget which episode this was on. But I'm not going to tell the whole story again. If I forget, you guys probably might forget too.

But I had the situation with Kate, who was my very best friend. I mean, besides you and Corey, like, whatever, it's the three of you. Your family, but I don't even call you a friend. So like we. I don't call your friend even. Yeah. Life partner, business partner with a family. long-lost sister. So Kate's my best friend and we were at a point where we were inseparable,

live next door to each other, best of friends. And then we just weren't anymore. And there's, I've told this whole story again. I'm not going to tell it again. You know, I, there were some things at fault that I did. She had, I was kind of feeling jealous. She had, she found to the guy that she's not married to, which is, I was doing stuff with different friend groups, like our, maybe our, what we wanted to do on the weekends weren't matching up. There was a multitude of reasons. And I felt like, I talked to Kelly, Kelly Knight, who we've had on the show from Modern Mystic in Atlanta. And I was like, I don't know how long. I feel I'm so heartbroken.

I feel like I lost my best friend. And she was like friendships ebb and flow and they changed throughout the course of your life. And I think you and Kate will get back to where you need to be. And I couldn't comprehend that. And I'm at late 20s, 30, maybe even when she said that to me. And I still couldn't comprehend it. Like I don't understand how you can have a best friend that your friendship changes. You don't feel close to them at all anymore.

And how you can get back to being best friends. And sure enough, we did. Our friendship is stronger than ever. Like I think our friendship is like what friendship should be, the way that we interact with each other. We communicate if we feel conflict and we pick up the phone. If there's any tension, which it's rare, but there has been situations in like a handful of times over the past decade. And I just, I never believed that when she said it to me. And she was absolutely right. And it was like this my best friend that I was inseparable with. I almost feel like we were a little too close.

And then our friendship changed and shifted and we're back to being best friends. I'm glad you went through that. And I think it's important to tell people like it can happen because I think that like there's all these different phases of life. And especially when somebody hasn't done something to you, It's not toxic relationship. She didn't, like, sleep with your boyfriend or hurt you in a really big way. It's just like she went through a different phase of life than you were in. You didn't have a boyfriend at the time. And so, like, I'm not saying that breeds resentment.

She's just doing something different than you. And I think that, yes, in your mind, you're like, how could we ever get back to center? Is this over? Right. And, like, I think I'm at the age. Like, I grew from Pittsburgh. Most of my friends after college, at least if I didn't get married, they found the person they were going to marry.

And they started moving in together, buying homes. All my friends had kids. I remember when I was like 28, 29. I went home and all three of like my really close girlfriends were either pregnant or had just had a kid. And I'm sitting around the four of us and all of them are just like baby food, organic baby clothing and blah, blah. And I just, I remember sitting here thinking like you used to be interesting. You used to be fun. Like why can't we just have a normal conversation?

This is so frustrating. And like now they've learned how to be mothers. They've learned how to calm down a little bit. And like that's just what was going on in their lives. And nothing even similar was going on in my life. And you're like an alien to the person. Yeah. And it's upsetting and it's disappointing because you're like, I love these people, but we've nothing in common.

I know. And I have a group of girlfriends. There's seven of us from college. We're all still friends. They all, one is now divorced, but still has a daughter. So they're all, with her, a section of her who is still a mother, moms of two mostly and are married. And that started at like 24. Like, I couldn't be more of an alien to these girls. And somehow we've maintained these friendships. But I think they're all a little closer without me because they're, they're kids. have bonded. They sometimes take vacations with their families that I personally don't want to go on. They're not, I wouldn't call them. They'll be, they're like family. I lived with them for four years. Like, I'll always want to be friends with them, but our friendship has changed. And like, you know, I've gotten to see them a lot of them when we've traveled. They're all going to come to the Charleston show for the most part. Bridget has come to our holiday show. I've seen Stephanie in Nashville.

Like I were close, but our friendship has changed. They are in a totally different world than me. I remember that same exact thing. We were all together in Charlotte and they were sitting around the table talking about baby food and breastfeeding. And I could not even contribute. anything. I'd just gone through a breakup with a boyfriend. I was like, I have nothing. And I feel like I, I mean, I think that's probably who we're going to talk to the most are girls that are losing, that are becoming distant with their college girlfriends, because everybody operates at a different pace. Some girls out of college, they're just on that path to get married and have kids and other girls aren't. And I feel like a shift happens there. Absolutely. Or like, you get on, I got on a plane

and moved to New York City. And like, now I'm like, okay, so I, I, I'm really proud of the fact that I am the friend that is always kept in touch with people. I'm the one that brings people close together. I make the effort. I'm the one always saying the text messages in the calls, but not everybody's good at that. It takes a lot of effort. And you have to be willing to make the effort. And you also have to just be willing to accept that like the nature of your friendship can change and you still love each other.

And that's okay too. And like maybe for a little while you're not as close. And unfortunately, you have to make some other friends. But like that doesn't mean... Not unfortunately. I think you find people that are more in your place than life. Like I think it's hard for people to be like, I was best friends with this person all through college,

and we are not like that, and we may never be like that again. And it's like you will make new friends that are probably more similar to you, and you can still keep the old. Yeah. Silver and the other is gold. I just think that like there's every kind of,

friends can feel different parts of your life with different things. And I have friends that are great for different things. I have party friends. I have serious friends. I have friends that I'll travel with. And my friends at home that are moms are my friends that like on a Saturday.

night. I will stay in with their kids. We'll have a glass of wine. We'll hang out. The nature of our friendship is different, but they don't make those friendships less meaningful and important. Yeah. And it doesn't mean those people love me less. You might my friend Courtney when we went to Portland. She's a wife and a mom. She lives across the country. This is my best friend in college. We almost never talk now. We still love each other each other very much. And I've accepted that the relationship is different. Yeah. And that doesn't make me or her like a shitty person. But I think, I'm trying to think like other than moving in with kids, like what usually happens. I guess like your interest just sort of grow apart.

I want to ask you question, jumping back into like the drifting apart because I think that I know what you're going to say. But, you know, I think a lot of people are like, yeah, I can accept that like we're going to go through like phases. But like when you start to like realize this, I think that that's like really painful. And it's like, you're like, how do I address this with the person and do I address this? Do I just let it happen? Yeah. And like I think that like probably I've become much more confrontational as I've gotten older. Like you and I have to have fights and argue about things. And I always know that like, before I have the argument with you, I'm upset and I'm stressed out. And like maybe during the

conversation, I'm uncomfortable, but I always feel better when we talk things through. Yeah. And that's not how I always used to operate. Yeah. Like I just, but I feel like I used to let things go for a really long time and then suddenly you're just not friends with somebody. I know. And so like what do you do? Like, when you start to feel like you're drifting apart with somebody, like, do you think you address it? I mean, I think you do address it. I also think you also have to self-reflect. What is my energy that I'm putting into this relationship? Have I been distant? Am I dating someone that? that's caused us to drift apart. I mean, that's an easy example. But like what I think you need to kind of figure out where this has happened. And then I think you can talk to the person, sit down for

coffee drinks. Again, sometimes this is like you have long distance friendships when you can pick up the phone. You can FaceTime, Skype, do all that kind of stuff too. But you put it into eye statements. Like we talk about like I've not you've done this, you've done that, but like I feel like we're drifting apart. It kind of bums me out. Like do you feel the same way? At the end of the day, I think you can only put so much effort into it. Sometimes friendships just don't work out. And the other person could have different priorities. They might not feel like they want to maintain the friendship with you. I think that's a sad, like a hard pill to swallow.

But I think you can only do so much. But I think it's always worth like bringing up. I think you got to ask. Yeah. And I think that like it could be something. Because the answer could be something as small as like, yeah, I don't like your significant other. Or like I had a girl say to us to me the other day.

She was like, yeah, I just had to like break up with, you know, a couple friends. They were like so jealous of my success. And in my mind, I'm like, you're probably acting like a jerk. Yeah. you should have asked them how you are behaving. Right. Because, like, I like that you said you should self-reflect because, like, maybe you bring it up and somebody's just like, yeah, I don't like the way you've been acting.

Right. Like, you've been being a bitch. Like, you need to turn the mirror around on yourself, you know? And it doesn't have to be as insidious as like a total friendship breakup. But, like, it hurts when somebody puts you in check. But I would rather have that than, like, just forfeiting the friendship. Right. And I think you'll get the answers you need.

Also, I mean, I always say reflect on someone's history. I had a friend that we. we were friends in middle school and stuff and high school, always off and on. And then we kind of became really close right before I left for college. And then when I, we stayed close when I was in college and I came back that first summer. And I thought we were going to have like a great summer together and be best friends again.

And she just wasn't having it. And I just was like, this is kind of what she does. I kind of like had to reflect on like this girl always has a new best friend. And I kind of forgot that, you know, I was off in college. I was kind of living a different life. And I was like, this is kind of her emo.

she's one of those girls that she always has just one best friend. They're attached to the hip. And then she kind of moves on to the next one. So I think always ask that if this is your friend that's a stable friendship, you've been friends with them for years, they have other friendships that they've had forever, then yeah, it's definitely worth talking about. But some people just are shitty. Some people are shitty friends. You look back at their track record. They lose friends here and there. You know, we have somebody that we, Rain and I don't, aren't really close with anymore. And she was telling us about some past, some stuff in her past. And she was like, yeah, this person in front of me. and they were like, you always do this, you always end relationships.

And we were like, when someone says something like that to, you should listen. If someone tells you I had to cut off all these people because of this and that, like look at someone's track record because you might be dodging a bullet by not being friends with this person in the first place. I think people ask me, like, do you have a lot of toxic friendships in your life? I'm like, no, I think I bet people pretty well. Like, I like people that have stable friendships in their lives. Like, if you meet somebody and they just kind of latch on you really quickly and they have

all this drama and they're volatile and it's just kind of weird, I just, I don't want it. I don't want that kind of energy. And I think it's always worth seeing the type of life someone's living and what their track record is with their friendships and their other relationships. I'm glad that you said that because I actually, I do the opposite. I think that every, okay, so my relationship with my mother, my relationship with my mother growing up was that every conversation with her was that she blamed me for everything.

And it was she could never like see how her behavior affected other people. And that's been like a, that's been like a real Achilles heel for me because I've always said like my whole life I'm going to take responsibility for things. I'm going to see my role in things. I'm to see how I affect other people. and I've taken it such as far extreme that when I get into fights with people, I never just pause to think like,

well, maybe they're being shitty. And maybe they're being a fucker person. I always think it's my fault if somebody's acting weird or stuck up. And I'm always, I have to consciously be like, okay, maybe they're not being nice. Because I always blame myself. And it's important to say, like,

what is their track record with other people? How do they behave? But just, I mean, at a base level, you just feel like you're drifting apart from people. Like, I think I went through that with some people a little bit when you and I first met and we were like starting this business. And like I wanted to be with you all the time. We got along so well.

We like clicked. I just feel like we were like starting this podcast and we're doing photo shoots and doing all this fun shit together. And I probably did like let a few friendships fall by the wayside for the time being. And so I had to like consciously say to myself, I will set aside time to go have a drink by myself with this person. And I will make it clear that these people are important to me. Right.

And just try to like nip it in the butt ahead of time before it becomes an issue. Well, and let's just say you're the person that someone feels like they're drifting away from. Like you, there comes up there. I think there's various reasons why people drift apart. There is relationships for one. Your friend gets a boyfriend, for example. We're saying you have a female girlfriend. She gets a boyfriend.

Someone starts a business. Like you and I, our lives have changed drastically. I'd have a conversation with my brother when we started getting super busy and traveling all the time and our lives were consumed by this podcast where he felt like I wasn't responding to his text as much. Like I'd actually, this is my brother.

He's one of my best friends. And he was just like, I feel like you're not available. I feel like you don't prioritize me. And I'd be like, my life has changed drastically. I'm going to do better. But I can only give you so much. is times when I have a million things I'm trying to do at once and I can't respond to your text right away. And I think that's important for what I'm saying about you is like maybe you had a

girlfriend, for example, at this time when you got so busy that was like, I'm really feel like I'm losing Raina and I feel like I'm drifting apart and you might have not have even realized it. And just her saying that to you would have like turned the light bulb on like, oh, I should make an effort with this person. I think when it comes to relationships and you can compare this to new jobs and new things that just take up somebody's time and priorities, you just got to give somebody a little bit of time because I knew two girls that were best friends. They were attached at the hip. They always were. They were in their 30s. And they did everything together. And one of them got a boyfriend. And the other one was just like kind of fucked up about it. She was talking to a friend

of mine about it. These are friends of friends for me. And was just kind of like, I feel like I'm losing her. And she just had to get out of that like obsessive falling in love few months. And I feel like they're way back to where they were. And I think you have to, when people first start getting into a relationship, they want to spend all their time with that person. They can prioritize you to a certain extent. But I was like that when I was falling in love with my ex. Like, he's the only person I wanted to be around. I had to make a conscious effort to like not neglect my friends. And luckily my friends were mostly in relationships and they were cool with it because I was 30. So I think there's situations that you have to just relax and calm down and realize

that like this might be a time in their life when you are not going to be their number one priority. I just think that that is like such good advice and communication like is just so important. And like I'm guilty of it. Like when I meet a guy, like, like I won't respond to anybody's text messages. I'll be on the phone with that person for hours. I do not prioritize other people. And like I, the last couple days I hang out with this guy.

I wasn't like responding to you. I wasn't like responding to people and being as like proactive as I am. And like you brought me back to center. Like, hey, I need you to like check in more. Like this is our business. And like I think that, you know, maybe I'm just having fun or I'm wrapped up in it and I don't realize it.

And like I think it's totally fair to say to somebody like I just feel like, I mean, for you and me it's a business. It's not the same. But yeah, I think it's totally fair to say to somebody like, hey, I just miss you. and I want to just like hang out and have a drink. Yeah.

And that's, again, I statements, I statements, I statements all day. It's, it's, I miss you and I would love to spend more time with you as opposed to you have neglected me because of your new boyfriend or your new job or whatever. I think also friendships can run their course. It's a pessimistic or negative thing to say, I guess. It just, it's true. I had a friend, I mentioned this again on the make 2019 year bitch.

So I don't want to totally rehash and repeat myself for people that have been listening to every episode. We were friends for 12. years. We met in college. She helped me move to Atlanta. We were really close. We were like family. I was a bride's me in her wedding. And I felt like we drifted apart because she just had started having kids and moved to the suburbs and all this stuff. But we were still friends. We still tried to make an effort when we could. And we had a thing where she just kind of attacked me on social media. And I was like, absolutely not. And I found myself, this is right when I moved to New York.

So I had kind of started a new life. And I was like, I don't want someone's going to talk to me like that, treat me like that in a public forum. She never apologized. She still never had. Never spoke to the girl again. I take my friendship so seriously. They are a number one thing in my life. Something happens with you. I addressed it immediately. Something happens with Kate, Corey, my best friends, my top tier friends. I'm like, I would die if I lost you guys. I'll do whatever it would take to maintain those friendships and keep those healthy. But I didn't, I've never missed her a day. It's gone by. That was a 12-year friendship and that doesn't make me a bad or a heartless person. And so if you're the person that you have a friend breakup and you're like, how can I not care? You don't have to.

Like friends come in and out. That friendship ran its course. And I think someone uses that exact quote to me. And it resonated so much. Like, we are in totally different places in our lives. I still have a ton of friends that are married and kids. We're still friends. And that really isn't the reason. But her and I just weren't meant to be friends anymore. And she also said she was shitty to me. But I didn't, I don't miss her. I have another friend that we kind had a similar breakup, like kind of went after each other during the election with some political stuff. And I do kind of miss her, actually. Like, I'd love to reconnect with her. I just, I can honestly say that. Like, people ask me about her sometimes. Like, I miss her. We had a great time

together. And so if you're listening, no, I'm just kidding. But by the friend, I'm like, I just think that's, I had to reflect to myself. Like, I don't miss this person that was really close to me for over a decade. And that doesn't mean I'm emotionless or heartless. I think that's fine. I mean, like, there's a lot of different things. Running its course, but then, like, running, I have friendships that ran its course. I have people I grew up with in Pittsburgh, that stayed in Pittsburgh, that our lives are just very different. We have nothing in common. We have nothing to talk about. I see them when I go home. I'm very happy to see them. We have nothing in common and nothing to talk about.

that's different than somebody just being like, okay, I have been attacked by this person and I'm done with this. And there's nothing wrong with that either. Like, yeah, I would say it's like pretty healthy to be like, okay, if this is how you want to behave, then you're at the right to you're an adult. Yeah. This is how you want to behave and I don't have to be treated like this. But if she came back around and was like, I'm sorry, whatever. Now it's a little too late. But even then, I just would have been like, okay, that's cool. I don't have no hard feelings, but I think that friendship was just kind of done. Like I, you know, I, uh, I, I, uh, I, I, uh, I, I, uh, I, I, to talk about this because I think it's a real thing. I think jealousy is a real thing. And I've seen this happen with friendships that it doesn't even need to be, you don't need to be a jealous person. But if you're best friends with somebody, you're very close friends with somebody and they're attaining things that you want so badly. Sometimes it's like hard to be around. And I noticed this with another two girlfriends I knew that were super close. One of them was could not have kids. She was having the most fertility issues. She had not great marriage. She married a guy, no one was really crazy about. She couldn't have kids. All she wanted was a baby. It was really

difficult on her and here's her best friend that was just popping out kid number three, beautiful marriage, amazing husband. And she just, I think she couldn't be around it. And I think she finally was able to get pregnant and have a kid and they have since reconnected. And she said that. Like, it was hard for me to be around you. Because I, every single day was a struggle for me, trying to have a kid and in this kind of marriage that nobody was really that support of and seeing you just reminded me. And I think it's, that's fertility. That's a whole other thing. Also check out our fertility episode. I think it can be with jobs. Like, I don't really have any friends to do what I do. But if I wasn't where I wanted to be professionally and my best friend was just like crushing it and like on the up and up, it might be kind of hard to watch. And I don't consider myself a really jealous person. I think it's like human nature. A lot of stuff can boil down to jealousy. I try to not, I try to write off almost nothing to jealousy. Like I try to always say to myself like what else is going on here. Like if I'm being really successful, am I being an asshole about being successful? Like what is really going on here? But yeah, I mean, I think that it can just boil down to that, especially like, like,

like, I don't even know that I would call it like jealousy, like weird, the fertility thing. Like, I was just like, it's real hard to see somebody achieve something. It's a different, it is a different word. I don't know what the word is. And I'm with you. I don't want to be like, they're just jealous. I don't really operate like that either. But I think a lot of times it's like they're not jealous.

You're just being a dick or whatever. But a lot of times people, it's hard for them to be around when they want what you have and you're really close with them. Yeah. And maybe people can't even identify the fact that it is. jealousy. Yes, that's what I think was up with this girl. She was like, I just don't want to be around you, which is jealousy, I guess. And it's founded. I understand being jealous over it. I understand that like if somebody is really successful in the entertainment industry, that it's hard for like their other friends to be around that too. And like I, if somebody, if my best friend had a

podcast or something, like, I wouldn't rub our success in their face. I think you should check yourself, but also realize that like maybe I do feel jealous to this person. I don't know. Maybe I can't identify it. Yeah. And those friendships, I've seen. situations like I mentioned with the friend that was trying to get pregnant. I've seen those situations where some people just need to separate themselves for a little bit and they can come back around. I feel like you've seen that happen where someone's like, I just could be around you for this, for this reason, like whatever it was. And so I think a lot of people also grow up and self-reflect and they're like, man, I kind of was a shitty friend. And I'm sorry. I had a good girlfriend

that she came back around a couple, a year or so and she sent me and another friend to text because we were kind of the three amigos for a while. And she was like, I just, had a hard time with you guys. I was jealous. And we had no idea. And we were like, oh, that's why we weren't as close for that amount of time. Like she reflected five, six years later. And we were on the group text like, oh, you just got to give people grace sometimes, I think. I think you also never know what people are going through. Like a lot of times it is just what they're going through. And they might not even know what they're going through. And that doesn't mean that people have a license to treat you like shit. Okay. Somebody is not going to be, I don't think that you're saying

that that is, if somebody's not going to be proud of you for your success, or your kids or your happy marriage and fuck that person too. Absolutely. Like you can't be in that person's life. And maybe in a few years, they will sit down and self-reflect. And that text, I was there when you got that text.

I thought it was like a beautiful, introspective thing to say, you're not a mind reader. You should never have known that she was feeling like that. But yeah, I mean, if somebody just can't flat out be happy for you, like. But you're right. Your friend should always be supportive of you too.

I think it's, to me, it's more like, just consider what people are going through and is what you're dealing with in your life perhaps just making them feel a little worse about theirs. Never dim your light for someone else, of course. But I think people are, sometimes it's not about you. It's about what they're going through. You never know what someone's going through in their relationship or their fertility or whatever it is their job. And so I think sometimes, I don't know, I feel like you've had some friendships that were losses for you. I've had two really serious friendship breakups that I've never

recovered from and I don't miss those people. And like, I think we talked about this in, that you've never recovered, do you mean? That I never recovered. Yeah, you're still broken up and you don't care. Yes, that I don't care. Yeah. Like, I think that like always, just to like close out what you're saying before, I think always have the talk and always just follow up to somebody,

try to see if it's salvageable, at least for now, at least talk about it, say I miss you, whatever. And also make new friends. And I know that that can seem really daunting and lonely for the time being where you're like, oh my God, all my friends are married or all my friends moved away or whatever. But like, you have to make new friends. And like, it's not somebody's responsibility. to be your only friend, whatever.

And I know it feels really lonely and shitty, but you've got to make new friends. Yeah. I know it's daunting. You and I became friends a year and a half, or two years ago. October 9th, two years ago. Two years ago, we became friends.

And I always love this example. My mom's, uh, my mom's, got a very young spirit. She's always, like, had, you have friends that were young. And she has her friends at her age, too. But she has this,

her best friend besides my and Kathy is this, a woman named Jen. And Jen is closer to my age. Jen's like now. I mean, my mom's 67. Jen's in her 40s. So she's a good. She's 20 full years. I think she's not even 47. I think she's like 45. And my mom's 67. Like they were, my mom could be her mom easily. And they met, uh,

in my mom's teacher. So it was Jen at the school. And Jen is like, thinks about her bridesmaids. And like they were all her, she went to UGA. They're all her college friends. She barely talks to them anymore. She's like, it's so crazy like your mom is my best friend. I just love that example. Like, I think it's never too, I guess you're never too old to make friends is what I'm saying. and I like I love when she said that to me of like my best friends are not who I thought they were going to be. So I think a lot of times it's that like letting go of like I'm not going to be best friends of my sorority sisters forever. You can be friends with them but you will need to make new friends I think. Absolutely. I mean just your stages of life.

Like yeah. It would be weird if you were always in the same stage of life as everybody around you and also how boring is that? Like it's cool to make new friends. Yeah. And meet new people and like travel around and like to have new experiences and like yeah, I know people. were like great. Like, I don't know how to make new friends. Listen to our other episodes. It's called all the single ladies. All the single ladies.

Yeah. And just be open to it. Be open to it. But the other part of this topic and episode is like people that are just toxic in your life and like how to get those people to fuck out of your life and be okay with it. Because like we all have those friends where like every interaction you're just like cringe. Every time they text you, you cringe. And you're just like, how do I pull the plug on this?

Especially when you like share a group of friends. Yeah. Again, I haven't. I'm trying to reflect on if I've had like a full blown toxic friends. and I don't know. I think I attributed to vetting people pretty well. I don't, I've never had this friend I had to, again, like I've, I had these couple friend breakups, but those weren't toxic women. I've never had to cut someone out of my life. It happened when with my situations of good friends that I lost, it happened naturally. So I mean, I think you can speak on a little more. And again, I think you spoke on this on our 2019, make 2019 your bitch episode. You talked about having to like write that girl an email, I think. Yeah. So I can talk about a different situation. But that was somebody I'd been friends with for a decade that like there was always just like, like, like a situation with her. It was always some like horrible situation with somebody she was fighting with an argument. She was always lying all the time. Like she was shoplifting. She had a lot of issues. But she was a great friend to me. So that was also hard. Like when you meet those people

that are great to you, but you're just like, they're like a ticking time bomb. But I think what I love that you said, taking time mom, to me, it's only a matter of time. And if you're a friend that you're like, do I keep this person in my life? You really got to look at what surrounds them in their past relationships. Like if they've fucked everybody else over your neck, Like that's not a thing. That's not a thing that every other relationship and drama surrounds them and they have this whole toxic thing going on and you're the exception, you're not. It's only a matter of time before they fuck you up too.

Absolutely. It's hard to walk away from those people because you're just like, they're usually really fierce friends. Yeah, until they're not. Until they're not. And then they do something unimaginable to you. And like I just, I always had to like, like when you think about this person as a toxic friendship, do you have to defend your friendship to them all the time to other people?

Is there always some kind of. situation that's going on, whether it's like with a guy that like you're both like flirting with at the same time. And like, I don't know. It's just with this girl. It was just like one thing after the next. And I was just like, I can't have this in my life anymore. Yeah. And I was just honest. I mean, she brought it up. She was like, I feel like you've like distanced yourself from me. And I was like, okay, well, here's the 13 reasons. And yeah. 13 reasons why? I don't think it's a funny show, but we shouldn't be laughing. But anyway, I've never watched it. So I'm not on the hook for this one.

And she was just like, fuck you basically. And like, I don't miss her and I don't miss worrying. Like, oh my God, what is she going to do? Yeah. But, like, I had this other friendship breakup more recently and you know this girl. But her and I became fast friends. We became friends when we, I don't know, we connected over, like, photography and food. And we were always, like, running around together.

And we were, like, we traveled together all the time. This girl, to me, was a wonderful friend, sort of the same thing. She had a lot of, like, friendship breakups over the year. She never, like, learned how to have girlfriends. And I think that's so important, like you said, like, just, observe what's going on in their life, just be conscious of it. All these issues with other girls. And for her, like, I was just embarrassed by her behavior all the time.

Yeah. She was really stuck up. She was really obnoxious. Like, she's just really self-involved, really entitled, really just like one of those people that's like, I'm not involving myself in the conversation unless they involve me. Yeah. And she embarrassed me. Yeah.

And I tried to like rework the friendship. But I was like, well, maybe we don't go out and big social groups together. Maybe we just travel together. I'd accommodate her. I try to like, you know, fit this. round peg into the square hole. But like, it just wasn't going to work. And like, we had like a falling out. I've never thought about it since I don't miss her. I think she was like such a stuck up bitch. She's not a bad person. But I don't want to be around her and I didn't enjoy being

around her and stress me out and I don't miss her. Right. Fuck her. Fuck her. Seriously. I'm fine. Yeah. I think that's the struggle is maybe when they're in your same friend group. And I mean, I can offer advice on a lot of things on this podcast and sometimes I don't have all the answers. And I think sometimes it's just a matter of figuring out how to be cordial around this person. We have, I have two girlfriends. I'm good friends with them. They live in the neighborhood. They recently had a breakup with like their other really good friend kind of a fight. I wouldn't. And now they're just not as close, but they can still see each other at the bar and say hi. You know, like I think it's that got to be the bigger person. Like I don't want to, I have a guy friend that I was having

weird fights with and we have a similar friend. Like he just started coming at me. I mean, whatever again. I can take blame. This was not me. This was his shit. And I, whenever I thought he might be at a place, I checked with the host because there was a year where I don't want to be around him. And now we're cool. We can be cordial. Like sometimes I think time heals all. Justin Bobby the Hills, truth and time will tell. But I'm an adult. This was recently. I did not want to be around him in a social setting. At a bar, fine. There's a million people. But in an intimate setting, and I would have to ask our mutual friend, is he going to be there and make a decision whether or not to go? And a year went by, we're cool. We actually are kind of back to being friends. So I

think time can can let that a lot of past. A lot of it's letting your ego, just like getting over it, just being the bigger person. I think when you're in a fight with somebody, where you're like, I can't, I'm mad at them, but I want to still be their friend. I think you just have to let take a few days, let your anger subside and, again, call them on the phone. Kate and I these days, if we have any conflict, again, it's few and far between. We talk on the phone when we had conflict when we were in our 20s.

A lot of it worked out via email. I think you just aren't as confrontational and we would sometimes go back and forth. on email, like well thought out longer emails. Like, this is how I feel. This is how I feel. And we were able to get past it. And then we would go get drinks. It doesn't always have to be seen somebody face to face.

I think you can work it out, whatever feels comfortable for you. But never come at somebody and want to discuss something when you're still fired up and you're still angry. It might be a day. It might be a week. Let your anger subside. And then really think about it. Like, has this person always, has they, have they been a good friend to me and

this one thing happened? People slip up. People aren't perfect. Or is this a pattern of this person's been a terrible friend, our entire friendship. Then fuck him. Fuck them. Absolutely. I thought of a good piece of advice, actually, if you have a similar friend group. I like the idea of just asking if the person's going to be around. I think just removing yourself from situations is like a really good idea. Also, I'll use this example and I'll say why I think it's good. I had two friends that I was very close with. One I was extremely close with. The other I was not as close with. They had like a friendship breakup and one of them continued to talk about the other person continuously. I know where you're going with this. And the other one said nothing. I knew she was upset. I knew that she was sad and disappointed. she chose to not put people in the middle of it.

She chose to sort of keep it to herself. The other girl really went off the deep end, wanted to talk shit in her all the time, was mad, was telling everybody and spouting off at the mouth. That girl is no longer friends with anybody. Exactly. That girl extricated herself from the group because she could not rise above it with dignity

and just act like an adult. And she lost everybody. And the other girl is still my best friend and friends with all these people. And I feel like I took a lot. I learned a big lesson from that too, which is just like, you can keep things to yourself and be a little more private and have dignity and take the high road.

And like you will end up looking like the sympathetic character. Like I think some people are like, I have to defend myself because I'll look weak. But like you don't. You actually look really strong. I was like, I can't believe she's not dragging me into this. I can't believe she's not bringing this up. And like maybe, I mean, I look back on it. Like she really did not want to put me in the middle of this.

Yeah. I think it's like I'm inspired by it. I think it's amazing. I love that you said that. I feel like you and I have had situations as of late where it's just like, like, be the bigger person. We're in our 30s, took a long time to get here. I love to talk shit. I love to talk shit.

Talk shit. But if you, if there's similar people, just you've got to be that bigger person if you want to be the one that comes out on top and maintains the friendships. Because people love drama. People love to get in the middle of it and talk shit and then tell the other person. Not everybody. I don't thrive on that. I don't create drama. I just like. But I'll listen. I'll listen. I'll listen. I'll talk shit. But like I'm not a shit. I'm not a shit.

I don't start shit. Like I'm not, what do you, I mean, what do you call this people? I don't like fuel to fire. Stir the pot. Yeah, I don't stir the pot. That's what it is. That's not, I don't get off on that by any stretch. But I do love to talk shit and hear other people's drama for sure.

But there's people, people like to stir the pot. You might not think they do and then they do. And I think, I love that you said that. Like, if you have the fight and there's two parties and you guys have all these mutual friends, if you can be the person that's not talking about it and not getting everybody all riled up and trying to get sympathy, like you will look like the bigger person the end. I think it's a lot easier said than done.

Absolutely. I'm inspired by it. I don't know if I could do it. Like you just say, like, I don't really want to talk about it. Can we talk about something else? You know, like, it's a bummer. It is what it is.

If you need to be vague about something happening, but when you start getting into details and you start saying names and you start telling all this stuff, that person is like, I want to do something with this information. And a lot of times it just makes everything mudier. And you said this other day,

you were like, what is it? Like, what is it rolling around the pit? We're rolling in the mud. What is it? You get in the mud, you're rolling around. Whatever. What is this? It's like about like getting down in the mud

rolling around and shit with the pigs. Yes. Oh yeah. When you get down that league, you're covered in shit. Stay out of the shit. If you roll around with pigs in the mud, I don't know.

But it's, don't DM us with the correct thing is. I'm going to Google it after this. Yes, thank you. We can Google it. You guys, please don't DM us. Oh my God. Thank you for saying that.

We have Google. We love you guys. We have iPhones with Google. Not to brag. I just love that you brought that up because that's the main thing. If you can be the one that's not talking shit, you are the better, bigger person.

You are. And you also don't make everybody around you completely uncomfortable. People will listen. It's not, see, I think people will listen, they'll amp you up, they'll laugh, they'll get involved,

you do not look good, you are not drawing attention to yourself at a positive way. It's true. Because they're just amping you up so they could turn around and tell that person what you said. Yeah.

I'd love you said that. I'm also not saying, like, don't talk about it ever. Absolutely. I'm not saying like don't have private, intimate conversations about your feelings. But yeah, in group settings, I would shut the fuck up.

Right. But I want to sympathize with how hard it is because when you're going through some shit and you're sitting one-on-one with somebody, you feel like you can trust them and you just always can't. And if they're mutual friends with the person you're talking about, you don't know whether their loyalty lies. Secrets are hard to keep. You know, and I think it's just like the less you can say to the mutual friends, the better. Talk to your mom. Talk to your other friends all day long. Yeah, people that don't, that aren't part of like the main part of the whole thing. Yeah. So I was really inspired by that and it's something that I've tried to hopefully emulate in my life. life. I'm not always the best at it, but it's hard to it takes self-control, which I don't have a lot. God, I love to talk shit. God damn. I love to act on every impulse that I have.

Oh my God. I do, I'm trying to think about what topics people have asked us to talk about in terms of toxic relationships. And I think that it is obviously easy to extricate yourself from a friendship when you don't live with the person. But roommate situations, which we are both so separated from, like we've been roommates in so long,

but like, have you had any like terrible roommate situation? I had two. I not, I lived with my friends in college and then during the summers in Dewey, nothing there. But I had two roommates that were kind of random and we were cool. And then we had falling out twice in Atlanta. And then the final girl I lived with, this girl, Christina, before I moved into my place by my own was wonderful. She was a friend of a friend. We became friends. I went to her wedding. It was great. No issues there. And our dogs were fighting. And so we should have had tension. And we were able to work through it. But the two roommates I had before that, we got in, like, fights where we were ignoring each other around the apartment. Yeah.

Like, it was bad. And a lot of that, again, like, I was in my 20s, I was a kind of an immature bratty kid about some things. And I think a lot of times, a lot of things that have to be done via email, like, you've got to smooth things over. It is worst thing. I remember this one girl I lived with them. We're cool now.

Both of these people were cool. It wasn't like, break up, move out. It is the most uncomfortable thing. Once I had the guy I was dating, come to visit and we weren't talking to my roommate. Like, I was basically like, I don't know what to tell you, but I'm not talking to her. Like, are you kidding me? It was crazy. I think at that age, I just had no, whatever, I don't want to be like,

when at that age, but at that age, I had no idea how to confront a person. Like, yeah, the girl, I love the same girl for all four years in college. I loved other people too, but like her and I would go for like a month where we'd be pissed to each other, we'd be avoiding each other in the house. We'd like set up our schedules. So neither us were home at the same time. And like, I just, looking back, like, I should have just paused and been like, hey, I live here.

And like, we need to talk about this. Like this is so uncomfortable and I hate this. Yeah. Because like being in my home and not being comfortable, like, it's the worst. It was the worst. Oh my God. It's the worst. I think at the end of the day, if you can put it in your mind, like the friendship is over,

but I need to be the bigger person here and get through this lease. Like, I mean to suck it up and be cordial with this person until the lease is up. You can't live like that. You can't live like that long. And I wouldn't renew a lease. Start looking for another apartment, I guess. Like if the friendship isn't salvageable. But like, oh, man, I don't know what else to say besides.

besides, yeah, it sucks, and I have been there. And at some point, you've got to figure it out. Someone's got to be the bigger person. I mean, hopefully your lease is up soon. You cannot, we knew that lease. I think her and I should have just also broken the lease. We were like, this is easy, this is convenient. We live together.

We know we can live together. Like, I was miserable all the time being around her. And her and her are friendly today. We're fine. I'm, you can't be unhappy in your space. And, like, I used to let it go, like, a month at a time. Oh, my God, it sucks so bad. There's nothing worse.

you don't even want to come home. You don't want to come home. From work. And like, you might think confronting a person or having a conversation is a nightmare, but there is no bigger nightmare than hating where you live every single day. So, like, have the fight.

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, my God. It gets so weird because then you're like, you just have shared responsibilities, like dishes and shit. And there's other roommates.

Like, I remember her, like my roommate or other roommate was somebody I grew up with, but they became really close and I was like pissed off about that. Yeah. Yeah, you got to like have the conversation. I just wish I could go back to like 19 year old me and be like, what are you so afraid of?

Like, it's, it's, it's, your life is miserable. Have the conversation. It's terrifying. Oh my God. I just remember that. And this is, I mean, this was, I was a shout to Whitney if she's listening to her younger sister Lacey. Like, we were, we had this time we're cool now. Like I could message her right now, but we had this time where we were not speaking. And my, like, it's crazy that my boyfriend came to visit and I was like, we're not talking to her. Like, oh my God. If she would just walk by us on the couch and not speak or she'd say hi to him, like the thought of it is mortified. It was 23 years old.

I was a little bitch at that age. Total, a little cut. It was literally my worst nightmare to have a fight with a person. I would have gone six months of awkwardness before I like paused and I was like, we need to talk about this. It's the worst though. I don't think it's a cop out and like a pussy move to write an email. I don't know.

Absolutely. I do that. I don't want somebody breaking up with me that I've been with for years via email, but I'm like, sometimes it's you're able to organize your thought. If you were together for three months, I think, email. All right, we'll get to that in a later episode. You could organize your thoughts. You can take the emotion out of it.

I personally, you know me. Like, I'll get fired up. I'll get heated up. I have trouble, like, calming my emotions down in the moment. Fraynor and I've gotten to, like, screaming fights on the street. But you're like, do you like, do you like each other? I'm like, we fight a lot. We've done.

Not a lot. Lately we've fought a lot, but I feel like we're getting along better than we ever have. We don't. Okay. A fight between us is five minutes. Oh, yeah. They are the shortest fights I've ever been in. Because you know you have to make up with me.

Where are you going to go? The other day we were like kind of fighting and then the craziest thing happened and Rayna texted me and I was kind of like, I don't want to talk to her and then she texted me. I was like, God damn it. I was like, you made this up. Couldn't have come at the more perfect time. I got off the flight at LaGuardia.

It took me an hour to get the car. We're like fighting. I'm so pissed. I'm dripping in sweat. then I found this thing out. I'm like, God damn, I have to tell her. I feel like let's talk about one or two of our fights. Since we're talking about friend fights, one of my favorite ones, I don't know how to pick a favorite. I don't know how to pick a favorite. I think it was because you like them also. They're funny. When we tell them to people, they're funny,

we kind of got to, again, I'm not going to share the details. It's like cringe-worthy on both of accounts, but we basically kind of had tension in this meeting and we started fighting in the elevator on the way down. By the way, these are people that work for us. And they've already asked us in previous meetings, do you guys like each other? I'm like, yeah, we love each other. And I, brain says the good thing about me is I never hold back. It's a good and a bad thing. If it's on my mind, it's coming out.

And that's what I did in the elevator. And I was like, never do that again, whatever. We start fighting the elevator. We're fighting in the lobby. Screaming in the lobby. And we get out on the street. And I'm like having flashbacks from my ex. Like, I can't fight in the street again.

Like, I've been through this enough. Because it's weird when you, I went through a relationship. we fought all the time and we screamed all the time. And like, I haven't screamed at someone in so long. And we weren't screaming. I was. Our voices were raised. I was being crazy. We were yelling and I just walked away. I literally, you started walking away and I was like, you're not making a fight with me on the way of the subway. Are you serious? You're not going to have a fight with me on the way to the subway. I'm like, where are she even going? The subway is not that way. I was like, if I stand here, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to say something I can't

I can't take back. And so I just walked to express. I don't know. I just went shopping. I went to flywheel. I got on the subway. I went to Union Square ready to my ex-fiance. I'm like,

spent the rest of the day with him. I spent the rest of the day with him. It's like, this is recently. It's like 1230. I'm like, I'm going to fucking talk to her. I guess I'll talk to her. But we, I don't know. I attribute it to be maturity for one.

You texted me within an hour. Yeah. And I attribute it to knowing we need to stay friends. But we could have been like that for 24 hours. I mean, it would have been okay, but it would have stressed me out. Like, I can't fight with you. It's not. It's just like, I hate it. Like, I feel like if there's the other day, there was like a little tension you called me right away. And I was like, hey. Like, usually when you call, I'm like, hi. And I was like, what's up? You knew that this is about. I'm like, you've done this twice in two days and we're going to talk

about this right now. Okay, first of all, the thing that I like about you, I will say, is that you force me to address things right away. You do it. Like, you do it. Like, that we're screaming each other on the street. I went like half a block and you had already texted me a novel. And like I was like, God damn it, Ashley, stop talking to me. But like, I like, I like, I will spend 24 hours being super pissed. And then the longer it goes. And like, ignoring the whole thing. Yes. And then the longer it goes on, it's not even about that thing anymore. Then it's just about the fact that you ignored the thing. And that really marinerates and that's terrible. And you never let me like have more than 10 minutes, which I think is good.

Um, my favorite fight of ours was we both hooked up with these guys. at a different city, went to the airport at different times. I was at the airport very hungover and you walked up like with a whole look. I was so excited to see her in the terminal and recap our night. So, you know, like there's times, I feel like in any relationship, romantic or friendship or not where you're like, you're not on the same page. I was up. I was excited.

I was like, this is hysterical. We hooked up with these dudes. Let's talk about it. I was ready to like be best friends in the morning. Nothing had happened. You did not. You were not serving those vibes back. I was super hungover.

You were like, what's wrong with you? I was like, I'm really hungover. I don't fog her. You were like, I thought I was going to get here. We're going to talk about what happened. We're going to like gossip about what happened. I was like, I'm just not there yet. You were like, fine.

And you boarded the plane without me. God of stormed off. You, the look on your face was just like, you wouldn't even smile at me. You were not in a good place. And I was just like, I can't believe this. I thought we were going to walk up. We were going to start giggling like we always do. Like, I can't believe this is happening.

And she did not give me anything to work with. And I was like, I felt rejected. I thought we were going to talk about this. And I just was like, I'm getting in the plane then and just walked with my suitcase, just left you sitting there. And the second that I waited for you when we landed, I didn't look at you when you walked by me on the plane. I purposely looked at the ground.

I was like, I'm not going to look in the air. I'm not going to see where she is. I don't care. We don't sit together on planes either. And then we got off the plane and I'm like, we were laughing again within like a minute. Like I decided I'm okay. I mean, I think we have a unique friendship that like we fight like that now a lot. And so like we just know it's got to be funny.

couple of hours. And these are like, we could count these things on two hands. It's not all the time. No. And they're so quick. They're like a flash in the pan. But we're together more than anyone I know.

Like we are together all the time. We run a business together. We choose to hang out and we travel together. Like we actually are friends that want to hang out outside of work and we travel together all the time. Like it's going to happen. Yeah. It's a lot.

So I think it's fine. I mean, it's taught me that it is okay to fight with people. And I've never had a friendship like that. like somebody asked me that, like, I was on a podcast and somebody said to me, like, what was the last time you to swallow your pride? And I was like, bitch, I do that every day. Yeah. Like, I've just learned that like, I don't know, like, you and I are going to bicker and we're going to argue and disagree about stuff. But like, if you really like the person, you respect them and you know that it's because they love you or they're disappointed or whatever it is, then I think that, like, you can have the fight and know it's going to be okay. And I don't know that I ever knew that about friendships. Like, I've never had these fights where I've like thrown a bunch of screaming crazy things that the person. and like known it was going to be okay. Yeah. Well, both people have to take responsibility too, I think. I don't, I don't, every single time it's been like a real fight between me and you,

we both end up apologizing. I don't know, you know, I think that's like, except for that time, that was no reason for you to treat me like that in the morning. I'm sorry now. But you didn't need to apologize. It wasn't a big deal. I was just like, fuck off. I didn't need an apology.

But I think it's weird. I mean, you know, when you have somebody in close in your life, like Raina, like we are, we are in a relationship and I'll reflect on previous relationships. I'm like, these did not go like this. These were screaming fights because this person was like, you know, not rational. Like you're like a rational person. Well, I also think you and I make an effort to not say things we can't take back. Yes, exactly.

We don't fight dirty. I also try to say to you, I also try to always understand where you're coming from. I mean if I don't agree with you. I try to at least say like maybe you're feeling like this, but I don't agree with it. And I think that we try to make an effort to do that because like, I don't. I don't hate you. I don't think you're a bad person. I don't want to stop being friends with you. Yeah. So like I'm not going to say a bunch of shit to you. I can never take back. Yeah. And that's, yeah, I don't know. We were, I didn't we were going to do this, but maybe some of this is like helpful in y'all's friendships. I mean, yeah, I think that I don't, I think that any, in any situation where there, you got in a fight, I think there's usually, usually, I think there's usually, you can say like, hey, I, this, apologize for even like my tone or something like that. Like, the other person softens immediately. Yeah. You know. Yeah. But sometimes you didn't do anything wrong. It was just that.

I rarely, yeah, once in a blue moon, I guess I'll have an argument with the I'm done nothing wrong. And yeah, you take the apology graciously. Yeah. Like, don't hold a garage and move on from it. Yeah. Laugh about it later. You do a ridiculous fight.

Forward the plane without them. Go through customs without them. Leave them at the airport. Get your own Uber. If you ever did that to me, I'd be so bad. It's never been that bad. It's never been that bad. We've got a few fights.

It lasted 10 minutes tops. Well, hopefully you guys find this, I guess, inspirational that you like can't have these kind of fights. I just didn't know that. Like I don't sound silly but like I just have never had a friend that I could like argue with like that and that like we were okay. Like I've had to argue. Also we worked together so I don't have the luxury of like taking a week to think about

it. But like I will let things go forever. Yeah. I will like marinate on it and I'm pissed about other shit and that the fight's not even about that fight anymore. And like that is a flaw of mine that I'm not proud of. You know, I think a lot in a lot of relationships, romantic and friendships otherwise you just you fight and you you don't really work through it and it just chips away at your foundation.

Like you, I think of it as like an ice sculpture and like every fight you just like chips away more and more and more until you've like nothing left. And I just, I feel like I dealt with that in a past relationship, like boyfriend girlfriend girlfriend relationship. And I just don't feel like that with you. I feel like every time we get in a fight, we work through something else and we like kind of realize like, hey, I don't like when you do this thing or I don't, this bothers me this way. Like I think you have to learn something from every time you fight with somebody. Also, if you're fighting with somebody all the time, it's probably not a healthy relationship. But yeah, I mean, I think girlfriends that are, and sisters even, like,

that are super close and, like, you're just bigger sometimes. I love that analogy, though. Like, I think with a lot of, I think we're always building like a profile. Jared Fried and I were talking about this. You're always, like, building a profile about a person. And everything that they do, you put it like on this wall. You tack it on this wall about this person. It's like, not everything is the end of a friendship, but like, yeah, sometimes you just like put enough things on this wall and you're like, I've made a profile of you and I don't like you. And like, I think that it's hard to, you should try to avoid getting there with somebody where you're like chipped away

at this iceberg enough that there's just, there's no there's no pain left, but there's no love left either. And so it's just over. Yeah. And it's like, if we get in a fight, I don't reflect on the other ones. I'm never like, you always do this. Those are words, I feel like those are like such words that happen a lot in relationships and maybe even friendships too where you're like, you always do this. And those words are like sting so much because you're like, oh, you have a problem with me, who I am at my core. And how do we move past that?

Like, if you find yourself saying that, also, I think, some people say that just to hurt somebody. It's a really mean thing to say. And like, if I hear those things, I'm like, oh, wow, you have been stockpiling this. Yes, you've been stockpiling this against me. And I have never said that to you. I don't think. And I don't think you've said that to me. And again, we haven't had like a major, a huge blowout fight that was longer than five, 10 minutes. But those are, when someone says that to you, I mean, a lot of times someone's just saying to hurt your feelings, but that's a brutal thing to say. Yeah, you're exactly right. You've been like keeping tabs. And I don't like feeling like somebody has like taken note at stuff

that I've done, hasn't discussed it with me, hasn't brought it up, and now you're just pissed about a laundry list of stuff. Yeah. And like, I really don't, I also don't want a friend that's picking every fight. Yeah. But like, I, yeah, once you start hurling, like, you always do this. I'm like, how do we get here? How do we get here?

Yeah. It's not fair. It's not. So hopefully you guys can learn from the way that we fight. I just, my advice would be like, really address it immediately. Don't afraid, don't be afraid to have the fight, but have it immediately. Well, that too, but also like if it's really serious, I think sometimes, you need to simmer down.

I just, you've never pissed me off enough where I needed to take some time. You know what I mean? And when I say that, I say even like 20, 30 minutes when you're, whatever, there's brain stuff. I think it's your frontal lobe that is at, you're acting from the wrong part of your brain when you get mad. Your brain isn't functioning like a normal brain. And so I think it's that frontal cortex lobe.

I don't know, guys. I'm not a brain surgeon. But like there is, I like, I worry sometimes when I get really angry, like what I'm going to say or do. I think it's a lot of times you have to like, deep rest, walk away, take a lap. Plus, if you know yourself. Yeah.

Or, I mean, like, you said, if you have to write an email instead of a phone call, like, do that. But that's why I had to walk away that's a day on the street and that's why I had to board the plane. Like, I know myself. Like, I can't sit with you, sit here with you and fight in public. One time we did to find that restaurant. I was completely within the right. You started screaming of me.

And the whole restaurant was watching. I was screaming. What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? You started it. Yeah, I did start it because you and I were going to have to fight on air. No. You were like, I have to work.

Don't you say I clearly have to work? I have to work. You just showed me a meme on Instagram 20 seconds ago. My arguments are sweaty. That was quick. That was quick. And then we ordered appetizers. Everyone was uncountry.

And you were like, we were trying to figure out what to order. And I was like, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't know. I love it when I would fight like with people I've dated. It's different. It's also a different relationship too.

But like I held onto it. I wasn't able to get past it. Like, you know, that feels when you're like, I can't get past this. I can't get back to a healthy place. I'm so mad. Well, it is my biggest fear and I think about this. Like somebody said this yesterday about this like comedy duo that like broke up. Like you see people that work together for a lot of years and they fucking hate each other. And like I think there's been times where you and I haven't gotten along or haven't liked each other, been annoyed with each other. We traveled so much together.

But like it is my worst nightmare that we would ever get to a place and we were just like, I fucking hate that. I've given up. I hate her. I hate her. so much I've given up. Yeah, and I don't ever see that happening. I also think our families are intertwined. Like, we just have become very, like, family, really. You know what I mean? Like, vacation, you spend Christmas in my family. I know your family. I've met everybody. Like, I just feel like we're kind of really involved in each other's lives. Like, there's a lot to fight for business aside. You know what I mean? So, I mean, whatever, I guess, never say never. But a lot of it's ego. I mean, a lot of people with a duo, they both get, you get famous. Like,

there's just a lot of ego. I don't know what happened with those girls. I know who you're talking about. but I don't know. Did one get more famous than the other? Was one, like, do they have different goals? I mean, I think you and I are constantly in check, like, what are our goals with this? If they didn't align, we probably would not work. We say this all the time. If Raina was like, her goal was like, I want to have a reality show on Bravo.

I don't want that at all. I don't know what would happen. If you're constantly fighting for that, I would nothing to do with it. What would our business relationship look like? I don't know. I mean, I think we're lucky that like these things have aligned. I don't know if you guys know, like, we weren't really friends before the podcast. So like, we didn't think that we didn't know.

could I go into business with this person? So we lucked out. But I hope that like the fact that we do fight has made it better so that we don't have these prolonged periods where like one of us resents the other person. Yeah. And we've never discussed it. Yeah. Because that is like my worst nightmare.

Yeah. Like I think, yeah, I like what you said. It's like and when I say take a beat, I mean, sometimes that can be like an hour. You know what I mean? I don't like being like ignored. But I think sometimes people also need that. They need their space and time. But I mean, don't sit on it for long.

than that period. I just think the longer you wait, the worse it gets. It always gets worse for me. I don't know about other people, but like I never, I certainly don't feel better after 24 hours. Like, I've thought of the other shit that I'm mad at you about. I've, like, you know, I've reached back into the past. But now I'm mad at you for other shit. All right. Well, let's get into how I knew she was a true friend. We're going to do a quick, quick segment at the end. I love these, how I knew she was a true friend. Ashley put the story slide on our Instagram yesterday. We got hundreds of emails. Yeah. Female friendship is the most beautiful thing in the world. It really is. Hold on to your friends, unless they're terrible, then break up with them. Yeah. If you guys don't know, we do this segment. We've done it a few other times how I knew she was a true friend, exactly how it sounds, things that happened that you realized your friend was a friend for life. A lot of stuff, girls involving blood, periods, vomit, condoms. You guys love to prove your love through vomit and blood. Well, stuff like helped with tampons being stuck inside you, whatever. I know everyone is triggered by the.

that. But yeah, a lot of blood stuff. There's a few short ones that I like that I felt were funny and then we're going to tell some stories. Do you want to do the short ones? Yeah. This first one came through. She wiped my ass when I was playing Edward 40 hands and couldn't do it myself. That is so funny. I asked you if you would wipe my ass when I get breast implants and you said you see that's a job for my mom.

I still agree. I would do it once. That's how I know she's not a true friend. Okay, she won't. Raina also can we back up because people are going to wonder why you just said breast implants. Oh, I meant breast reduction. Okay, so I want new boobs. I just want to get like a lift and maybe a small implant. I haven't decided. I'm just trying to get them for free. That's really what I'm trying to do. Okay. Okay. How I knew she was a trend. She won't swipe on men over six two because I'm six feet. So she's saving the tall guys. I thought that was so sweet. Maybe it's just because I'm tall.

Yeah, you were like over relating to it because I'm like, I don't care. I'll swipe on everybody. She won't swipe on men over six two because I'm six feet. How small of a town do they live in? I know. Maybe it's just. just because out of solidarity. This one, I had to include this one, obviously. Had a threesome with me. We went down on each other and have stayed best friends ever since. I don't know that I could...

Well, I would just... I wouldn't have a threesome with a close friend. No judgment. I've hooked up with two of my girlfriends. You have. I'm still friends with... I have friends that have two. I don't know.

I think I'm just past that point in my life. You do that when you're like... She was 19. Yeah, exactly. My friend, you met in Portland. Oh, that's right. It can work out. It can work.

I retracted my statement. I'm still probably not going to do it. And we got a couple of longer emails we've shortened that, but this one made me really laugh. My hometown best friend of years and years and I were back in our hometown for Thanksgiving. We both went to a concert out in the city, then got home at 2 a.m. And wanted to spontaneously hook up with our hometown hookups until we realized we had not shaved and the bush had to be tamed. So naturally, we ubered to a speedway in the suburbs of Chicago at 2 a.m. bought razors and shaved our vaginas in the

in the Speedway bathroom and then went to our separate hookups, neither of which were worth it. Only true friends can shave their vaginas together at a gas station bathroom at 2 a.m. together, though. And they sent a picture of themselves in the bathroom for reference. Okay, I didn't see the picture. It wasn't like vagina pic.

I didn't open it because I was scared that they were going to be vaginas. I'm going to open it. Hold on, guys. Oh, my God. Okay, it's fine. It's just a mirror. selfie. And oh, it's a... Oh, they're beautiful girls. They're so cute. I love

their leather jackets. It's a Snapchat and the caption across it says, just shaved our vaginas here. And they're clearly in just like a gas station bathroom. They sent it to the dudes. They were going to go hook up with. I mean, I love that. I love it to actually, you know who gave me that idea. I just like never I was out at dinner

and I like this guy was like buzz, buzz, buzz, booty call and I was like, shit, I haven't shaved it so long. And Lindsay Metzler, who came on our podcast was like, just go to Dwayne Reed and shave in the bathroom. And I did. I went to Dwayne Reed and my god. That's so funny. You got everything you need. You got the shaming cream. Um, okay, this one I love so much. God, it's so good. Okay. We were at a pool and we were the only ones there. I told her that I would sometimes use the hot tub jet to masturbate when I was younger. She thought it was hilarious and wanted to try. The hot tub was around the corner in a private area,

so it seemed pretty safe. Since there was no one at the pool, we took turns. She went first while I stood guard. Can't believe us. She comes back, not even four minutes later, nearly crawling. She was shaking and weak because she had just had such an intense orgasm. We switched and she stood guard while I got my turn. Now that's friendship. Alternating orgasms. Standing guard while your friend gets yourself off on the same jet. Dudes aren't out here doing this for each other.

That's so beautiful. Oh, man. All right. This one is special for you because it's about Vegas, your favorite place. Okay. Number three, it starts with picture it. senior year of college, Las Vegas. I made the poor decision to get raw fish in the middle of the desert.

After a few hours of drinking, we got back to the room. And the rest of the night, the entire next day, I had the worst case of food poisoning you could ever imagine. Also, did you know how thin those walls are? I'm sure my friend heard everything. Yet for the whole day, this is our last day on the trip. Mind you, she sat in the hotel with me, got me gatoried, watched family food while I projectile vomited and had diarrhea for eight hours straight.

My mom even called her and told her to leave me and go lay in the pool. if she could still like me after that, you know she's a friend for life. That's so sweet. How come you didn't come over when I had food poisoning and I was shitting my pants and vomiting? Oh, because it was Brooklyn. Now that I live in the East Village, you'll watch me.

I don't, though. Did you really need me? Standing poop myself? Also, no offense to Brooklyn. You lived in Park Slope was too far. Did you really need help with that? There's nothing I can do. I don't want anybody to know that happened except for...

Exactly. You didn't want me. ...intimate amount of people on this podcast. You know what I did for you was... plan the holiday shows. I forgot about that. That's how I know that you were a true friend. I can barely get out of bed and you planned the holiday shows.

I stepped it up and worked my ass off. I wanted to cry. It was like so much to do a week of our biggest shows and you were incontinent. But I looked great. Incompacitated. Show me a guy that would do that for his friend in Las Vegas. You can't. I know.

I think that's so sweet. I just, her mom was like, please get out there. You don't need to take care of it. I like her mom. I like her mom's like, fuck that bitch. This is how you know your mom's not a true friend.

Okay, I'm going to end with this one. It is intense. I walked in National Department. She was full on crying. Yeah. Okay. Not only is this a story about how I knew we would be best friends forever. This is actually how I became friends with my best friend of 18 years. It was September 12th, 2001, the day after September 11th. We were in the third grade, maybe 10 years old.

I was eight in third grade, but okay. They're kids. I was the only Arab girl in my school, and my best friend, Myla, was one of two black kids in the school. The rest of the school was mostly Caucasian with some Korean and Hispanic groups. It's important to know this because it was my first time my life that I realized looking different from all my white classmates meant something. I was different and it wasn't a good thing and they didn't like it. Standing at the meeting spot for class before school even started, this little shithead

kid said, you're Arab, you're a terrorist, your family killed all this people. We're going to blow up your family. I stood there stunned, never have experiencing anything. This girl's 10 years old. I didn't know what to do. My friend Mila, unfortunately, had already been experienced this kind of discriminating. so she knew how to stick up for herself and me who needed it. She pushed him down to the ground and kicked him in the leg and yelled him to shut up.

I don't condone violence, but fuck, he deserved it. And we were kids. It's not like she beat the crap out of him. This was all three days into the school year. She got in trouble for sticking up for me, but she said he deserved it and no one should say mean things like that. We were both sent home that day. My mom called her mom and we all got lunch together.

Myla has always been tougher than me. People don't mess with her. And throughout our adolescence, I was an easy target. But she's helped me stick up for myself so many times. Now no one messes with either of us. I love her. best friend. Oh my God.

Like full body chills. That's just, it's a lot happening. And like there's no reason for one person to put themselves in the line of fire for another minority unless like you're a great person and you're like, hey, I'm a minority too. And I relate to this. Yeah. I love that she beat up a boy.

And, you know, that little boy, that's not coming from him. It's coming for his parents. So, you know what I mean. But he still deserved it. She said they didn't like annihilate him. He just got pushed down and kicked. He went home and his dad was like, why don't you breathe that girl up? You know what that is.

I'm, I just think female friendship is so beautiful. I know. It's hard to end with like that, you know. No, fight for the good ones and fuck the bad ones. I love it. All right. We love you guys. Please buy tickets to our shows.

You want to take us out? Yeah. Stupid live shows.com or Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com and click on shows. Also, Girls Got to Eat Podcast for everything else you need. Some merch on there and everything else. Follow us a Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram and Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter. we will see you guys next week. That's it. Thanks guys. Have a good week.