Girls Gotta Eat - Toxic Partners + Dating Your Best Friend feat. Deepti Vempati

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

DEEPTI IS HERE! We're so excited to have the Love is Blind star and new author join us in studio to spill the tea and inspire us with her self-worth journey. We're talking about what went down with Shake off camera, how her and Kyle finally got together (and why they broke up), her family's feelings on the show, her struggles with insecurity and how she's become the "I choose myself" icon she is today, and more. Before Deepti joins us, we're catching up on Rayna's date, Ashley's rash, and what we've been watching. Enjoy! Follow Deepti on Instagram @LifeWithDeeps and buy her book I Choose Myself. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Beis: Go to beistravel.com/gge to get 15% off your first purchase. Hello Fresh: Go to hellofresh.com/gge65 and use code GGE65 for 65% off + free shipping. Buffy: For $20 off your order visit buffy.co and enter promo code GGE. Native: Get 40% off your first three-pack of Native body wash at nativedeo.com/ggedeo or use promo code GGEDEO at checkout. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Honestly, I had no idea what I was going to say at that altar. And those words just like came out of me. I got it. You like inspired a movement. I had no idea that would happen. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. October 3rd, Mean Girls Day.

Tickets on sale for the holiday show. This is so exciting. Big day. Yeah. I love October. This is the best weather. It says two weeks in the fall. I love that meme about New York.

New York and it's like the 12 seasons. Not a hot take. It's been circulating for years, but I love when it says fake fall. It's like the fake fall, like the blue ball fall. We should redo it. Blue ball fall. Well, you know, there's always that like. Did you point that term?

Yeah. I mean, speaking of brisk. Speaking of blue balls. Speaking of balls, speaking of brisk, I love the word brisk. And it's a five-letter word. so sometimes I start the word all with it. It has a lot of letters, you know, like it's not your typical A-E, but it has like five different letters. You know, you have an R and there, an S, a K, and there's a vowel.

So I start with Brisk every once in a while. I like to mix it up, but that's one that I probably started with a dozen times. Yesterday didn't start with it. And it was the word. Shut the fuck up. That is crazy. I could have had a one. I've never had a one.

So I started with... I am shook by this. I think I started with... alone. I don't know what I was going through. I'm glad you brought out the word alone because I would like to discuss your behavior with the wordal. Every time I look at Ashley and she's really serious.

Like when we are alone in the car, she's on whortle. Every time we're at dinner and I look at her, there could be a group of people. She's just solo on the whirdle at dinner. When was I doing it once? I forget where I was doing it and everybody was like, please don't do it. At your parents' anniversary dinner? 14 people there and you were on the whirdle. Me, you and Kate were at brunch in Chicago, about to go to the airport.

You're on the wordle. Every time you stop talking, you look really serious. I feel like something's wrong. I rarely get like reprimanded for my behavior in public. And that was the first time people were like, it's not cool. Usually it's not worth it because you're going to be like, what? And I don't want to. I'm just going to let you fly.

That's the time that I'm like, I got to say something. But you and I are in the cars so much together. We don't sit there and give each other undivided attention. Like how many times we both get in a car to go somewhere we have to do stuff on our phone? Let's not get it twisted, Raina. Oh my God. Like you get in, you're doing something. I get in on doing something.

I'm not like, let me give this bitch my undivided attention when I saw her 24 hours in a row. I want it. We were on TV this morning and it came up too and you were like, we just don't like, because she was like, you guys do everything together. And you're like, we're good to say to each other like, I need my space. But you take it, you just take it to do the whirdle. So we did the Tamerun Hall show. We had such a good time. Live TV.

Always a risk with us. But we did. We did it. We did it. We were there. We didn't mess up. No one's getting fined. And I do think that was like the funniest line of the show.

She was like, do you guys do everything together? And Raina said, what did you say? Like everything except sleep with each other. And it was really funny. It was funier. We'll post it by now. I thought that was like the best moment of the show. Thank you.

I was really proud. But we'll talk about it one second. Okay. So guys, we would need to tell you something. We are very soon. Could be next week. We just don't want to make promises because you never know. Are going to be on YouTube full episodes.

I've got to stop picking my nose. And we're going to do this. If you guys were wondering, because you've been saying for years, I'd love to watch the show. If you're wondering why we haven't, it's because Ashley picks her nose. No, no, I, listen, I don't like,

and her toes. It's Bella. It is crazy. Again, I rarely reprimand Ashley for her behavior, but one day we were in a meeting and Ashley plucked off her full gel pedicure on the floor during a meeting. It was so distracting.

I kept feeling you gotta stop this. And you were like, it's not like I'm picking my toe jam. Thank you for saying that because my next thing I was going to say was, it's not like I'm picking my toe jam. So Raina knows me so well. Bella, you can settle down over there. She'll be fired on air.

Bella, you're fired. I feel attacked. No, I do, it's gross. And I do, it's my gel. It's my gel. I'm like, picking my gel. I'm like, picking my gel. I'm trying to quit.

But I won't. And it's just what it is. So we are going to be needing to put more makeup on, do our hair. We don't have to. Probably not. I look how we always look. It's nice to like how you look when you watch things back. Yeah.

So we're going to be on YouTube. It could be next week. Could be the week after. but in the next coming weeks, you will be able to watch these whole episodes. Do you want to? Who wants this? So I'm excited to do it and see what the behavior is and see if you guys like it. And you can put us on your television now, which is so cool, and watch us.

Invite your friends over, watch it on the big screen. And all of our guests for the foreseeable future will be in person. So it will be really fun in-person interviews. Yeah. So stay tuned, literally stay tuned and tune in. And then as we speak, the holiday show is on sale today. Depends on when you're listening, but October 3rd, 10 a.m. Eastern time. Those tickets are going to go on sale.

And you guys, you can't miss the show. It's going to be so good. Apollo Theater. We are so antsy. We're going to blow this out of the water. We're going to book so much entertainment. Like, this is the only show that we are doing until 20, 23. So we're going so hard, all the things.

This is all we have to prep for. And it's going to be major. So get those things. tickets, they're going to go quick. Yeah, it's the most, I mean, it's my favorite show every single year. All the shows are incredible. I can't pick a favorite child. But if I did, it would be the holiday shows just because of what goes into it and how special

it is. So, again, those will go really fast. We know so many you plan trips to New York around this. So that'll be Thursday night, December 15th at the Apollo Theater. Yeah, and out of towners come, stay for the weekend, have a little holiday weekend. Yeah. Girls' Gotty Podcast.com. Yes.

For everything. Oh, yeah, Bella, we should put that on the website. Well, it's not until yet. We'll cue it up. And we have Deepty today. So excited to chat with her. But we have some updates to go through. I need to give a body update on my rash.

Okay. So this has been such a journey. And the story is so funny to me because as we all know, I had a situation on my butt in my crack. And I went to the first doctor and she gave me a shot in it. But at that time, she did offer me antibiotics. And I was like, I just, I think I'm fine. Listen, don't judge me. I just was like, I don't feel like doing 10 to 14 days of antibiotics.

I'm getting ready to go to L.A. Like, you know, you're not supposed to drink on them. I want to adhere to that. Like, I just was like, I just don't feel like it. I think I'm fine. I don't see it getting infected. I'm going to take care of it. We have, you know, whatever.

I declined the antibiotics. She was like, that's fine. You know, like, that was just kind of an extra layer of. protection, it goes and gets infected. And then I have to get on antibiotics. So from LA, again, the urgent care, they prescribe me these antibiotics. It starts to pretty much go away. Everything's fine. I am on like the final day of the 10-day course of antibiotics last week, the day we did GMA. The night before is when I noticed a rash taking over my entire body. I was sitting at GMA watching it like spread. Like it was started on my chest and my stomach and it starts to spread to my arms as

we're like doing TV. Like I'm noticing on my legs. I'm like, this is insane. Well, my, you texted me first thing in the morning. You're like, I have this rash and it's spreading.

And my heart like sunk because it's just the worst feeling. Because we don't want to be aware of my body on stage, on screen, nothing. So like it's, I felt, I really felt for you in that moment. Thank you.

I mean, you couldn't, again, you couldn't really see it. I mean, I had like sleeves on, but like I looked down. I was like,

here comes. It's coming on my forum. So it just spread. We recorded the episode and then I went to the doctor right after last week. I will say Bella. She was like, do you think you're allergic to your antibiotic? Because she has had that before. And a lot of people have.

I said, well, maybe, but it's been nine days. Like, I thought if you were allergic to a medicine, it would start immediately. I've never heard of. Or shortly thereafter. Sure enough, go to the dermatologist from the first one, who I'd seen two weeks prior. And the way she walked into the room was like, hi, Ashley. Back again. She was like, compassionate.

She was like, what's going on? And I tell her, and she immediately is like, that's, that's an allergy to your antibiotic. Uh-huh. Which is so funny because she goes, that's not the one I would have prescribed you, which you declined two weeks ago. Like she didn't see. That's so crazy.

Like she was like when I told her what I was on, it's called back trim if you guys. It's like whatever the, but it's like a long name, but that's the short. Your butt issue is going to be cured by back trim. That's why they get. They're like, we want to stay on brain. Oh my God. And she, she wasn't snarky. She was totally cool.

But she just was like, I wouldn't have given you that one. A lot of people have allergies to it. you might have an allergy to the sulfur in it, and which was so just, fuck me, right, that I declined the one she was going to give me that I probably wouldn't have been allergic to. I go get infected.

I get on an antibiotic that gives me a rash. Like the whole journey is just like one giant, fuck you to me. And she was just so cool about it. And she was just like, you're so lucky it doesn't itch. And it'll just go away when the antibiotic leaves your system, stop the course immediately.

And it did. It went away within like, I was nervous for the wedding because I was wearing like a crop top and all these things. and it was fine. It did disappear pretty quick. She said it could last up to two weeks.

So that's the final thing, I think. That's going to happen to your body for a while? I don't know. I feel like the sister's trying to come back slowly. It's like creeping back in like an ex. It's like, I'm here. It's like subtle. But it's like, can you feel me?

I feel like you're getting better at managing it though. Now you know what to do to zap it. I can't wait to see what body stuff you come up with next. It's probably not going to be me. Nothing's ever wrong with me. I'm going to get that other booster shot. You're getting boosted? I'm getting boosted.

I'm getting boosted. But I'm going to get boosted. I'm going to double boost. Remember all we did was talk about vaccines for like a year? Yeah. So much of my stand-up was about like, are you Pfizer or Moderna or Johnson Johnson? Like that dominated our culture for so long. Well, it was funny back then.

And now when I see a comedian walk out and talk about the pandemic, I'm like, have we not written any more jokes lately? Or I fired? I don't want to talk about it anymore. You know, like we've, it's been two and a half years. We've been through it. I know it's still happening. I understand it.

I just don't want to talk about it all the time. We had to take COVID tests last night. Yeah, we took COVID tests last night. Bella took them this morning. Bella took three this morning. Bella's extra negative. Bella loves a COVID test. Our publicist was like, because she had to go take the test at the Tameran Hall show ahead of us.

And our publicist was like, is Bella not here? And I was like, no, she's like the most dependable person. There's no chance she wouldn't have shown up. And we couldn't figure it out. And it was because she had to take three COVID tests. Okay. So we need to get back to you and talk about Dallas business card date. Date.

So, yeah, here's my update. I did see him on Sunday. I tried to bail on the date because it was going to be really late at night. 9 p.m. It was going to be at 10.30. Our younger listeners are listening like, oh my God, how late? 2 a.m.? Like, I'm sure someone just was like, oh, my God, were you supposed to meet up at like 2 in the morning?

And a rave in Brooklyn? No, 9 p.m. Please allow me to clarify. He already had dinner plans at 9 p.m. and said he would meet me after. So it was going to be late. And when I go to dinner, it's like a two-hour affair. I'm not trying to meet up with a drunk person at 11 o'clock at night on a Sunday, 36 hours

before we have to go on national television. I was trying to work out on Monday and have a time. 36-hour radio. You are a 36 hour. And you stop it. This is like you saying that. You actually know I feel about my sleep. I need eight hours.

I need it. Two nights in a row. Yes, every night. You have to. 365 nights in a row. You have to prep two days out. Yeah, I needed to work out on Monday. I need to get something hemmed.

I needed to be fully functioning on Monday. And I am not going to mess that up for anybody. Okay. Anyways, I will. Of course. Did you do you? Well, I try to not do it. he said it's like too late and I was like yeah let me think about it I don't I don't know that I

really want to like meet up with you so late I'm not sure I'm not meeting a date at 11 o'clock at any night of the week my first date was somebody when they show drunk at 11 p.m. I'm not doing it okay so we've taken a leap here yeah wasn't drunk I mean but also it wasn't that was the only time so it wasn't like it wasn't it's a totally different situation than someone suggesting that when you live in the same city or you have other options this was the only time that you could have seen him so you did kind of suck it up and go yeah so I tried to bail and he said I know that your audience will want an update on what is happening here. And he weaponized me against me.

And I was like, wait, that's so cute you to tell me this. Yeah, well, that sounds ready to tell you. Oh, oh. I told him that I was talking about how, like, I had to double text him and that he didn't respond right away. And he was like, I know that they'll want an update. So he used you guys against me. And I'm glad he did because it was really fun.

I met, I actually went to the dinner. I met him and his friends at dinner. And then we went to a bar and shut the bar down. took a walk around New York and had Joe's Pizza like two in the morning and it was a great date. It was really fun. I kissed him. I love this. Okay, hear me out.

Do we need like a kissing episode? Like I just feel like. I had a kiss. Or just like I, because I don't think I talked about this. I kissed a guy first like a couple weeks ago or I mean probably a month or two ago at this point. Like I went in first and it was like a hot thing. And we could talk about it.

I don't know. I just thought this could be an episode topic. Well, I have questions to ask you. So I kissed him and I mean, I knew he was into me. told me like 15 times. It's sexy. And we were in an elevator and I was like, I'm trying to hook up in this elevator. And we like really went at it in the elevator.

I was like, am I going to pull this e-break on the elevator? E-break. Stop. I just, and like he was such a good kiss. He was like biting my lips. I feel like I can tell. Oh, I mean, you know my superpowers. I can tell everybody is in bed just from looking at them.

But from kissing, if somebody is like that, I feel like they'll be good in bed. I just, I think that if somebody is like a great kisser that they can probably fuck well. Like a passionate kisser. Yeah. I mean, now I just don't want to like blow our load. I feel like I want to do a kissing episode. I'm so passionate about kissing. I could kiss.

I could make out for hours. Like I love it. I can't be with a bad kisser. A good kisser gets me wet immediately. Yes. Like I have had guys I've dated or exes or that I've just hooked up with and like the second we start kissing. I'm like I'm ready to go because it's like so hot.

It's like so major. It's so important. And I really also look at a guy's lips. Like that's the first thing I look. look at. It just makes me want to fuck so bad. If you're like, if you're like an aggressive kisser and like a sexy way and you're like biting my lips, I'm like, I need to see what else is going on. And nothing worse than a bad kisser. Let's do this episode. I think it'd be so funny. I could make out for hours and I could talk about making out for hours. I feel like I'm getting

turned on just thinking about it. Okay, so great kisser. Great kisser. It was a lot of fun. It was nice. Text me at the end of the night after I left. Text me the next morning. It was good. Like an adult. We've been chit-chatting. It's great. He is an adult man. Oh, guys. I just... I feel like I know I didn't nail it last time. I mean, I still had a really good relationship for a long time. So you still picked a really nice...

You picked. I mean... I picked him long term. I had a great boyfriend who dicked me down well and treated me nicely if he wasn't my forever person. But I don't regret anything about that relationship. Okay. I don't... We'll see what happens.

You know I love a long distance relationship. Can't get enough of them. Like all men outside of New York City, it felt really intentional. It felt really like we talked about where you saw the future going and stuff. It felt really like easy and natural to talk about that stuff. I think people think a lot about like how do I bring up that like I want to get married someday. I want to have kids someday.

And there's no right or wrong. It does come up for me a lot on like a first date that I don't want kids in like a supernatural way. And we said this before. I think if you just say like where do you see yourself living in the next couple years, it will usually come up because you'll all like mention whether they want kids or not. So that came up quickly. We'll see. You know, it was a good date.

I'm glad I went. It was a lot of fun. And I'll keep you guys posted. Okay. What else? Oh, I went to the wedding. It's the most promo I've ever had. It looked so incredible.

You look so beautiful. Our friends looked so beautiful. It just looked amazing. It was, again, this is my first Indian wedding. It was the whole weekend. It was something Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night. Started at 2. Saturday.

I got home at two. I mean, it was the longest day, but it was so much fun. Started like the procession, the barat, you know, dancing in the street in Broadway. There was a DJ on a truck. There was a horse. There was everybody was partying. I was like, this is one of the best moments I've had, like, in New York City. And then the wedding was just gorgeous.

And again, I loved wearing the, I wore like the long skirt, the lahenga with a little sequin crop top. And it was stunning. It was at the venue was called Gotham Hall. It was like out of a movie New York City wedding, just how gorgeous it was, like the venue itself. It looked incredible. It was great. I love the speeches.

I love all the dances. You know, like the bride side will do a dance. The groom side will do a dance. There's just all these traditions. And during the ceremony, of course, so much stuff that I'd never seen before and experienced before. So I loved it so much. Well, I'm sad I wasn't there. But I'm happy for you and you guys all look beautiful.

I'll come to the next one. I had a first this weekend. While you were doing that, I watched a dog for a long period of time on myself. Oh my God. Rain a dog set. Bella just looked up and Bella looks shook. Bella is giving who would let you watch their dog. It's our friend, Lindsay.

She made it very clear that I was the last resort and it was an emergency. We were out at this party together on Friday night and she just was with me so I was probably top of mind. But she really couldn't make it clear enough that I was the last resort and then everyone was that at town. Yeah, the one time you took Dewey out in the streets, I was like, no one else. else could take it. Like, I asked everybody. And then remember I made you go home? I saw you out on the street. I was like, I told you to stay in the court. I said, I told

you to stay in the courtyard. What are you doing? Because he's like, a loose cannon. I just, I, Dewey was, he's not starter dog. This is a pug and I love him. And I was like vacationed with him a lot. Like, he's a person. I spent a lot of times where he's really familiar with me and he loves me

and we love each other. But yeah, yeah. I walked out of her house. He like, he laid down on the floor and like would not move and I had to keep like pulling him like come on Hank come on and it looked like I was abusing an animal it was so embarrassing and then like I'd look at people and they'd be like your dog is so cute and I feel like I was like appropriate uncle culture that's not mine and I just was like should I like tell people like thank you or whatever so I walked him to Brooklyn and then I made Jeremy me up with me because I like can't raise that child alone I was scared to be alone with him

that's so funny but it's my first prolonged period alone with the dog we did okay it was good I brought a bowl Lindsay may bring a bowl so I could like stop on our walk, give him water every once in a while. We did it right. We made it through. It was like 12 hours together. Do you feel changed at all? Or are you like, I could do this? I was just, I was scared. I was going to like fuck it up. It's just, I feel like I could do it. I could just be, I need to be more comfortable. Yeah. Like, I'm afraid. And also it's somebody else's animal. I'm like, I don't want to do anything. I was like, am I allowed to take him for a walk that's 45 minutes? Is he going to be okay? He's a pug. He's little. I don't know if his little legs can do 45 minutes.

It is so funny when people don't have dogs or they're, they didn't grow up with dogs or they don't, they've never watched a dog in their adult life or they just don't know a lot about dogs. I remember an ex of mine watched Dewey pretty early on when we were dating and he like called me in a panic and he was like, why is he breathing like this? I was like he's just panting. I mean, I do. There is a point where it's like not good. You know, dogs can die and they're running in the heat and there are a certain type of dog, whatever, do we not do it. But he was just laying on the floor panting.

He was hot. He had a big, a long coat. It was in the summer and he was like, he was going crazy. Before he called me, he had called like four of the friends because he didn't want to worry me. And I was like, he's just so, that's fine. It was cute, but it was like, it is funny. You don't know any better. I just, I mean, we never had, I've never had a pet in my entire life.

My mom was a single parent who worked all day long. She's like, you kids aren't going to take care of it. I don't have time to take care of it. I've never had a pet my entire life. I love dogs. I just like, I do get scared. I'm going to like overfeed him or like do the wrong thing or like he was out in the sun for like is this okay.

Like he's a black dog. Can he be in the sun for this long? I've never touched. a turd and I've never picked one up before in my whole life. Jeremy touched the turd. I just, I've never done it. Yes, I know there's a bag in your hand. I've never picked up a turd. So, it's so

gross because it's hot. That's I don't want to do it. No, it's like, it's not, it's so disgusting to pick up hot shit. It does like, I'm so crazy and everybody's always like, there's a bag between your hand. I know, it's still hot. It's hot. Yeah.

But again, that's such a tiny dog. Yeah. Picking up Dewey's huge load like on the streets of New York like I don't do you remember did I tell on the podcast when he had diary that time and he fell over in it I think we might not even start the podcast yet you've told me this this is happens we did talk about it we did talk about because I remember I remember like what I did the night before when he ate his entire bag of um oh my god his supplements and had diarrhea and he was like got so weak from his own diarrhea that like the final time he went out and then he fell over in it.

And I was like, I can't, I can't be a mother. I could never, I could never be a mother. Like, I just was like, I, this is more further confirmation that I'm not cut out for this. I can't even pick up a turd. And like in New York, like in another city, you would be like, yeah, you hose them down. You have a hose outside the house. Oh my God, it's so true. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I just fill up like a Brit a pitcher and just throw it on him on the street. It was four in the morning. I had no large container for water. So I just kept filling up buckets of water and dumping it on him on the street. I'm like crying. Living here is such trash sometimes. That is so funny. Oh my God.

I'm better off now because I have like at least that outdoor space. But to do that on 12th Street at 4 in the morning. 4 in the morning. Yeah. And so we made it through. I dropped him off. And then this was so, you know, you and I have this like thing where like I will watch shows. I usually watch shows before you watch shows because you go out more at night than I do and you do comedy at night.

I just watch stuff before you do. This is the most this week that I have ever watched a show before you and then you live tweet it to me right after. So the bling ring, the Kardashians, and tell me lies. Raina, why did you out me for watching the Kardashians? What? You and everybody else in America? I don't like to, I'm not like, I don't. need to hype the Kardashians. I don't watch it

religiously, but I needed to see this episode about the baby and Tristan and because we hate Tristan. Don't hate Tristan more. I just like had to see it. Yeah. Whatever. It's fine. I know that that's a huge show. They're part of culture. Yeah. I know. I actually doesn't like to keep up as much as I do. I keep up. So yes, the bling ring. I haven't finished that yet. I wasn't like as invested, but we can like plug it really quick. It's this new on

Netflix. It's like a documentary about this movie. It's a documentary about what happened in real life. I know, but they keep showing the movie. It's a three-part series about this real-life thing that these kids, they were noticed, the blingering they were robbing celebrities in like the late aughts. So Paris Hilton and Orlando Bloom and

Adriana Patrick and they were just break into these homes. They didn't even to break in, the doors were unlocked. So it was a fascinating story. Emma, Hermione Granger played the star of the movie. Emma Watson. It was a Sophia Coppola movie years ago, which I really loved in 2014, and then they made a

docu series about it, which was really interesting and sad and just you know I've really felt for one of the girls in the end but yeah good watch it's on Netflix easy and quick watch yes and then tell me lies on Hulu so we are both loving this show we said it last week it's one of those shows that has like haunted me and I think really deeply about the characters because we were even talking in the car because we both were like I love it and then we're talking to Bella about it and then we're like why do I love it and then we're like I love it again this show is it's about basically this relationship in college that's a very like toxic relationship. I just think it's so relatable to so many people that have been in relationships like

that. I love how realistic it feels. It's not this love story. They're not, they don't really even have like an official title. This guy's kind of still seen as ex. I mean, you just, you guys got to watch. We know so many of you are watching it. It just covers a lot of themes, too, even with the other girls, not necessarily the main character, Lucy. I will say, Raina, did you notice so much doggy style? So much. Unbelievable amounts of doggy style. I mean, there is a scene that veers into unconsensual and that she's consented to sex, but then she doesn't want to continue doggy style because it's painful and he doesn't

stop. So I just want to put that out there about that scene, which is clearly not enthusiastic consent by any stretch. And a lot of women have experienced it. And I know that scene could be triggering to a lot of people. And it's obviously not okay when things like that happen. But taking that out of it, the other sex too, like it's just, it's so much doggy. So much doggie.

I liked it. I thought it was a really realistic depiction of college and certain toxic relationships and guys that gaslight you and being too young to be able to name the behavior. Yes. Which I really relate to because I remember things like that would happen. And I didn't really know how to articulate what was happening as well. And I just, I'm haunted by the show. I'm really loving it. Yeah.

And it takes place. They flash back. So it starts and it's like 20, 2015. And then it flashes back to 2007. So it's like the Blackberry age and the music is of that time. So that's around the time that we were in college. And like Facebook was just kind of starting to pick up steam. And so it's nostalgic in that way too.

And, you know, I will say I was thinking about it that there was less of everything being posted on social media in 2007. So even harder to kind of see what people are doing. Absolutely. In terms of like catching him doing stuff. But I like what you said about the gas lighting. Like there's one example that's like the most gas lighting. and she doesn't really understand that's happening.

You're, like, young. And then there's scenes of her being like, I just feel crazy. And it's, we've all felt that. But like you said, you can't name it. And you're like, why do I feel like outside of myself? I'm not being myself.

And now I'm apologizing, but it's starting off that I wanted to, like, talk about something that was upsetting me in a calm, rational way. And how do this get flipped on me? It is, it's dark. There's a lot of dark themes. I mean, there's, like, death and consent.

And it just really, it covers a lot. So I don't want to be like, oh, my God, it's just like amazing. like light show. It's not. It's not. And then lastly,

I saw, Don't worry, darling. I invited you to come with me because we've never seen a movie together. In the theater. We never have. But, that is so funny.

I, I think it got pretty bad reviews from like the critics at first, but I really enjoyed it. I thought it's a two-hour watch. I thought, I think Florence Pugh is so good in it. I think the acting is great.

I love Terry Stiles in the movie. I think if you've seen Stepford Wives, it's a very, similar movie. No one's talking about this. I'm a blow it wide open. I mean, it is Stefford Wives with more sci-fi. I thought it could have been longer and I thought that there was a lot of plot holes. And so I googled, Don't worry, darling, plot holes. And this business insider article came up and you were, I was reading it. I was laughing so hard. And you even looked at me and you were like, what are you laughing at? I was like choking from laughing. So

if you watch the movie, which I do recommend and I really did enjoy it, look up that article because it just made me laugh. It's on business. insider just look up. Don't worry, darling, plot holes. It's so funny, like a list of all the plot holes. Yeah. I love reading articles like that. Because I always just want to know, I mean, you do this even more than I do.

I just want to know that other people have the same experience with something as I did. So you go to Twitter right away to make sure that like, you should like read the opinions. To validate my own. Yeah. So yeah, that's the wrecks for this week. Well, I'd watch Do Revenge, which is a movie on Netflix. And it's a teen movie, of course. That's what I do.

and it's like it's giving kind of like kind of mean girls kind of gossip girl it's about you know revenge and revenge porn essentially and friendship and gossip and gossip and it's just it covers a lot of that in high school at this like competitive high school uh private school probably like a private school and i really liked it i got up so kate had told me to watch it and i got up sunday morning Like after all the things of the wedding, I was like, knew I was going to chill and relax all day. And I got up and I put it on at 10.30 a.m. And I just sent her a photo of like, I'm watching this. You know, you recommended it to me a couple times. And she was like a Sunday morning movie. Like that is crazy. She was like, you're thriving.

And so I had posted on my Instagram like, who else gets up and puts on a movie in the morning. Something about it feels so nice. It feels like so luxurious. I'm not doing this during the week. But I mean, I could, you know, treat yourself. But something about a Saturday or. Sunday morning movie. I love it.

Nothing says ultimate relaxation to me like that. With your coffee. It's amazing. It feels so nice. You really settled it on Sunday. I tried to get you do a bunch of stuff with me on Sunday. I was tapped out. Yeah.

You did a lot for a lot of days. Yeah. But yeah, it is really luxurious. Also, I don't know if I even said what. Don't worry, all or anything is about. It's like this utopian society. You guys, you'll figure it out. You'll Google it.

Okay. All right, guys. We are so excited to, welcome a guest and our new friend today. She is the breakout star of Love is Blind, Season 2 on Netflix, and the author of the book Out Now, I Choose Myself. Please welcome to the show, Deep-Dee Van Patti. Hi.

Hi. We are so glad to have you. Thanks for having me on. I'm so excited. My girlfriends are dying internally that I'm on. Yes, we gave you a vibrator. You were like, they're going to be so jealous. Right.

They're going to fight for it. I put it in group chat already. We're doing promo code DeepD for 20%. Choose yourself as a whole new meaning. Yes, exactly. It really means fuck yourself with our vibrators. We're so excited to have you. I've been having so much fun talking to you.

And you're here from Chicago. Yes, a little Chicago. Not born and raised, but raised. Yeah, so about two hours south of Chicago, if you guys know Illinois State University, I'm from that town. Okay. But yeah, I was born in India. I moved here when I was eight.

Okay. We were eight, okay. Got it. Yeah. Tough age. We, We just love Chicago so much, so it's so fun. Dude, clearly Chicago loves you guys.

We're obsessed. And so today we're going to unpack some tea from the show. We're going to talk shit on shake. We're going to get an update on Kyle. Yes. We're going to talk about your life before the show and your book and everything. So I don't know where we start. I'll start.

I'll start. Actually, where do we start? Yes. Okay, well, actually, just give us like a little brief, quick who deep D is from, you know, moving to the States at 8. And I heard you say in Caitlin Brist's podcast, we listened to to most of that because she's a dear friend too. A dear friend.

I don't tell you. I've never said that before my life. Like you said excellent this morning. I was like, you said excellent. Well, what I meant was like, you said this thing and I don't know.

I was just like, excellent. No, I was like excellent. Excellent. It was supposed to be like sarcastic but not rude sarcastic. It was like excellent.

Anyway. So you said something on her show that your family was not that surprise that you went on love as blind. So that made me just wonder more about what you were like growing up. Like, were you outgoing? Did you want to be on TV?

Like, just give us a little background on you. Yeah. No, I was actually really shy. I was like a very happy girl. I'm very extroverted, but only with like certain groups of people. Like, do you guys get like that? Like, I'm introverted when I'm around like big crowds sometimes. But when I'm with like my core group of people, I'm like the most extroverted person ever. Yeah. And, um, but yeah, I've always like kind of, not to like toot my own horn, but like the life of the party. Like I bring a lot of good vibe. Yes. Yes. You have good energy. Yeah. Exceptional energy.

Aw. Thank you. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent, dude. Party time. But yeah, I, you know, growing up, I had a lot of self-conference issues, like a lot of self-esteem issues. It was bad. Like, like, I would have a lot of negative self-talk. And I hated the way I looked. I was overweight.

So I really took the last four or five years of my life and kind of transformed the way I thought and, like, retrained my brain to just, you know, think differently about myself. Like, why is anyone else going to see my worth if I don't see it myself? Wow. And so that's, you know, when I did the show, when I told my parents about it, they're like, of course you would do something like that. Really? Yeah. They're like, only you would do something so crazy.

It's like middle child syndrome. Or you're the middle child. Yeah, I'm the middle child. I've always been rebellious. Like, I hated school. Even though I was smart, I was like, I don't really care for structuredized like learning. You're ahead of your time. Yeah.

I was like, I need to self-learn. So were they supportive? Like, go ahead and do your thing? They were totally supportive. In fact, my mom came up to me because she's been. my parents have been trying to get me in arranged marriage since I was 22. Because they're in an arranged marriage. So you're like, I'm going to actually let Netflix arrange this name.

That's exactly it. You're like no arranged marriages, but what I will do. Okay, so you agree with my mom then. Great. Oh my God, sorry. No, she literally was like, you are such a hypocrite. She's like, you're such a hypocrite. She's like, you're going to marry someone without ever seeing them and you won't let me get you in a range marriage.

Like, okay. Your mom's like what I was offering you was better than this. Exactly. Exactly. She's like, I can send you a picture. Right. Like I could show you photos before you say yes to a proposal. So you decide you're going to do a show. You have like your parents' blessing. What did you think was going to come out of the show? Before you like went into it, where you're like, this is fucking stupid. I'll never find anybody.

Were you hopeful? Yeah. Honestly, I feel like I'm always hopeful. I never think about like a negative outcome. I'm just like, you know what? What could go wrong? Like at least you learned something about yourself. And I just wanted to find a unique love story. I really did. I was there to find love. And I was like, you know, if someone else is crazy enough to do this thing too, it means that they're kind of like on the same wavelength as me, right?

Like they're like, they're trying to put themselves out there to find love. Yeah. So, yeah, I was hopeful. Okay. And then you met Shake in the pods. Was there somebody. I was kidding. Who should not be named.

You met Voldemort in the pod. Stop. Okay. You met Shake Voldemort in the pod. Was there anybody else, I forget, that you were like... It wasn't Kyle during the show or it was? No, it was. Kyle was my number two person. He was.

Okay, right, right. There's also Shane. Shane. I would fuck Shane. He's got crazy eyes. That guy can fuck. I can just tell. That's what makes you want to fuck him?

Yeah, but like, what if he's choking you and you look in those eyes? You're like, this is it for me. It turns her on. It turns around. That's the last thing you see before you die. I can see some danger. So, Shake, what was your thought process throughout? Like, were you seeing potential in him?

And then obviously somewhere along the lines, you guys realized that you had to make a similar background. Yeah. Honestly, when you watch the show, it just feels like, like they packed so much into that first two episodes. But Jake and I talked for like 40, 50 hours in those pods. Oh, my God. Yeah. I did not realize that. I didn't realize that.

I didn't realize it was so many. You would have like daytime dates of like two to three hours and then nighttime dates of like another two hours. Like we would like film until three in the morning. Oh my God. It's a long time. That is insane. I wasn't truly like realizing that. Me either.

So you start, do you meet everybody to begin with and then you sort of like narrow it down like sorority rush? Yep. Exactly. Okay. Stop. Who's your. Who's your house? Who's your house?

Yeah. Like slips a note under your door. You're like, I got chosen for the next round. Well, for people that haven't seen the show, I mean, I can. guess what are you guys doing? I don't know. He turned out to be an asshole and set a bunch of stuff about you on television that you didn't know he was saying. But in the pods, it seemed like you guys were bonded and chose him clearly. Yeah. Honestly, when I was talking to him, there was a lot of relatability there. Like from our cultures, he also was born in India, moved here. We had, we bonded

over the fact that like we kind of had this like internalized racism thing kind of going on where like we saw that like if we were with a white partner that it meant that we fit in. or that we were cool. You know what I mean? So like there's a lot of layers there that like kind of bonded us. And I was like, wow. And he actually confessed to me that he was overweight when he was younger too. What the heck?

Yeah. It's just like it's a bummer. It's that the way it turned out and the way that he is with all of this like quote unquote potential. Right. But you have to think about it. It's like can people really change in like six weeks? Absolutely fucking not.

Not in six weeks. They can change but probably not. Yeah. Like you can come to an awareness or realization that like, there's something there or whatever it is, but it takes conscious effort to change, and it takes years. Yeah.

You know? And I think a lot of the stuff he said comes from self-hatred. I mean, I don't care. There's no excuse for it. I think the stuff he said it did was disgusting. But maybe a lot of self-hatred in himself because he was overweight. He didn't feel like he fit in culturally,

and so it makes him lash out at others. Exactly. Not that makes it okay. I didn't know that you were allowed to discuss cultural backgrounds actually on the show. I don't think you were allowed to ask that stuff. I just, I feel like a... Well, I mean, people have to be.

asking straight up questions about appearances, right? Yeah. They just don't show it. Right. Yeah. I mean, there wasn't a lot of the other guys didn't really ask about physical appearance. Okay. Yeah.

But also, like, if your name is deep tea, it's like, what the fuck else are you going to be besides the Indian? Yeah. Did I remember you guys saying, correct me if I'm wrong, that you hadn't dated someone else it was Indian? Shake was the first Indian man I ever kissed. That's right. Okay.

But also, I've only had like three boyfriends. Okay. I'm like, it's not a lot of people. One was like six years long, right? We'll get into that. Yeah. So what happened on the show is like basically, it seemed like you were like giddy and so happy and into it

and he was talking all this shit. So like, can we just say something? I've talked about this on our show, so I'll just bring it up now that we have her in the room. But when you guys, when he, when you guys met, I feel like he was all over you. His like hands were in your butt. Like I was like he is grabbing her.

Like he looked like he couldn't. He was in that butthole. He was in your butt hole. I remember seeing his hands just in your crack. In there, yes. He was grabbing your ass so hard. I was like, he's obsessed with her, he loves her body. Like, you know, like, it was so how it took.

I couldn't reconcile it of like the way things kind of looked on screen in the hot tub. And it just was weird to me. Oh, do you want me to, I know exactly what happened. Because I came out in a swimsuit and he saw my stretch marks. And I think he just like, he was like, no, it's not it for me, dog. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's literally as simple as that.

Okay. But he led you to believe, do you feel like he, you tell us, did he lead you to believe that like this was it for him? he was falling deeper into you or did you feel like right away he was out? No, as soon as that Mexico night happened, I could see his energy completely shifted. And it was kind of more me that was like, you know what? Like we put in a lot of like, I guess, hours together. Yeah. Like we built this emotional connection.

And for me, you know, I guess I was just like, again, I do this with men all the time where I'm like trying to prove my worth to somebody. And I don't know. Like I was in such an emotional high. I was just like, you know what? Like I feel like you can fall in love. with me, like just see that I can be a good wife, a good mom, like all of these things. And so I kind of talked to him off of a ledge. Like he was so anxious. And I was like, it's okay if we don't get married

at the end of this. Like, we have to, you know, give this process a chance and see if we can fall in love if there can be, you know, a future connection here. Yeah, I think that that you handled it, I think, like so many people would have. Like, you had this foundation. You talked for 50 hours. Like, you saw a lot of good there, even though obviously there was all these red flags, but a lot of them you weren't seen. He was like saying the stuff off camera, or not to you, to other people. And even though I saw red flags, like, honestly, I just like see the good in people too. Yeah. And it's like I understood where he was coming from. I get it. Like how we're raised and what happens to us. Sometimes it like kind of skews like how we act. And so I feel like, you know, for me, I like to give people chances to like kind of grow.

And that's what I was trying to give him. I see. goodness in me. Yeah. Okay. But you got, this is even before you saw what he said about you on television, you get to the altar and you decide I'm out. So was that solely based on, I just feel like he's not even giving me a chance because physically he's not into this? Like, what was your thought process? Absolutely that. You know, I write about this in my book, but I think that that moment was a test for me because my entire life, I've been such a people pleaser, just like trying to, you know, I would always compromise. I'd be like, it's okay if this person talks this way about me or does this. And that moment was truly a fucking test.

Like, did you learn your fucking lessons, this entire, you know, lifetime of things that's happened to you? Like, are you ready to apply the things that you've done into your reality? Like, that's really what that moment was. I mean, you at the altar was the best moment I've seen unreality.

I mean, I was just like, this is the most inspiring lesson for like young girls everywhere or even like grown women to say like, I deserve better and I choose myself and we have this history. and this would make for like a good TV moment, but no. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't honestly, I had no idea what I was going to say at that altar. And those words just like came out of me. Oh, I got it. You like inspired a movement. I had no idea that would happen. Those three words, I had no idea. I had no idea. I had this impact.

I have chills. I remember watching it. And then she was so embarrassing. He was like saying about Nobu. Oh my God. You guys, I did go to Nobu with him on that Sunday. I lost to you. I was a TV episode.

I did we made a nobu plan because look I thought I met a best friend sadly I was wrong page six this is the hottest tip no it's so funny did you ever see I saw a meme was probably like on the shade room or something but it was like shake's gonna be at no boo with no boo with no boo no no okay there I we had another friend there but literally I we're not judging it's no no you guys it's so hilarious because that's when I realized what he truly was he literally took selfies with me as evidence that we were there and then left like 15 minutes later. Oh gross. I was like, and then every encounter we had after that, he would just take pictures and pictures. I'm like, why are you fucking taking pictures everywhere? Because he knows what he fucking said. Exactly. He's like,

I want to prove that we're friends after the show. Right, because the show would not aired, it wouldn't air for months to come. So he's almost like protecting, like trying to prove that he's a good guy, that you aren't mad at him, that all this stuff he said is valid or just, you know. So my last question about him, you can ask more if you want, but my last one about him, and then we can move on from shake is, so show comes out, you see what he has said about you to the public. And what do you think? What do you do? What do you feel? Yeah, it was a lot of emotions. And honestly, like, calling me his aunt, who gives a fuck? Her, his aunt is great. Yeah, yeah. I could care less. It's what I heard behind the scenes that didn't get aired. That stuff mostly like, honestly,

like, I don't wish him any ill will. Like, I want the best for him, like, be happy. I just can choose not to have you in my life if you're not giving me like positive energy. Yeah. You know, like we are too old to be hanging out with people that are not good for us. Yeah. No, 100%. And I have every right to not have you in my life if you're a shitty person sometimes. Yeah.

And not like carry that with you. Yeah. That's a good lesson. Were you prepared at all for just to watch it back? Like did he give you an inkling or did producers or were you kind of shocked watching? Honestly, I saw. him like maybe a couple weeks before the show it aired and he was trying to he was like deep sign it's going to get ugly like I'm going to need you to have my back and I was like okay like why why are you saying

this to me but honestly um having Kyle in my life at that time really helped me he like we watched the show together we woke up like three four in the morning and we'd like binge him yeah and anytime I would judge myself or like whatever else he'd be like it's okay like you didn't know like you did the best you could yeah this is such an amazing example of like we always say just because someone says something doesn't mean it's true at all. Like that goes without saying, like you know who you are, you love yourself, what this person who was very clearly insecure and self-loathing says about you is a reflection on him and not you at all.

Yeah, absolutely. And sometimes it is hard to remind yourself of that in the moment. Yeah. And you're like, okay, I know this is true, but like, you know, feelings are feelings. You get it, and it hurts. Right. But yeah, you got to like just pull yourself out of that pain and be like, wait a minute. Like you're a badass bitch.

Don't forget who you are, baby. I love your attitude. about this and it's just it's applicable to everybody in every situation not just reality television like like I love what you said where you said like he just I don't have to have in my life I don't have to marinate on it forever you don't have to feel bad about it forever again like Ashley said doesn't make it true it's just your attitude about it is just like that's a shitty person it is noted and I'm all set yeah I just love your attitude about it thank you thank you yeah because honestly hating someone takes energy a hundred percent it's like give it no energy right indifference and so

you didn't want to film with them on the reunion and other people probably didn't as All of the cast. Yeah. So I found that really interesting that would they probably have brought him back or like how was it made? I mean, it makes for good TV. You can say. Yeah. No, no, you're totally right.

Shake is good TV. He says a lot of things that are unfiltered. Yeah. And I guess people think that's real. But honestly, yeah, none of the cast wanted to film with him because he was bowling everyone. You guys saw the reunion show. Yeah. The reunion or after the altar was filmed like literally weeks after the reunion.

union and he had just attacked everyone. Oh. Like, why are you meddling in other people's relationships? Yeah. I just, I loved watching the friendship between all the women. You all have such different backgrounds and it was just really nice to watch the friendships from you guys girl because I miss that on reality TV. It's mostly just tearing people down. So it was nice to see you guys all together. Yeah. And you guys hang out all the time. I love it. Literally we see each other. I'm, I was just group texting them. I think I'm going to see them on Thursday or Friday. I love it. Invite us. We did our show. I'm telling you come to Chicago, you guys.

Yes. It will be so fun. They are so much fun. And we always talk about this. We're like, we all wanted to go there and find love. But we found love in the most unexpected ways. Like with these friendships. Like my rider dies. I'll have them in my wedding. Like, yeah. Absolutely. That experience bonds you for life. Totally. No one else can understand it. Yeah. Well, let's talk about, so on the show, again, if you guys have been seen it. So Kyle was another contestant on the show. You became really close. He was somebody. Asul is hysterical. I've been perched on the edge of the couch. I'm wondering how you're doing it. Yeah. That's your man. That's your man. Ashley's like, are we serious? It's your dog.

It's your dog. I can't tell him. Do you want to come sit next to me more? No, it's okay. We don't close the own up. So Kyle was the other guy from the show that you became close. Then you guys became best friends. And then the whole storyline of after the altar was like, are they going to be together?

Their best friends. Do we cross the threshold? Should I fuck my friend? And then like, what happens? if we want to like break up, can we stay friends? So, um, let's talk about it. Let's. Oh, man.

And it was like teased at the reunion. And he did, I feel like he was the one that was like, yeah, I'm into her. Like, duh, you guys. And so we were just on the edge of our seat. Yeah. Kyle and I, oh my gosh, what a perfect chapter for me. Honestly, we built such an amazing friendship. And it was like a couple months after the show had wrapped filming.

And we just like connected. We started hanging out in group settings. And like, I was just drawn to his energy. just like would, we wouldn't, we wouldn't even see other people in the room. Like, if someone else was talking to us, we'd be like, wait, can you, I can't focus on you, you know? Like, it's like that. Energy was just, like, really intertwined. And we knew we always had feelings for each other, but we didn't want to cross that line. Because, like, I don't want to lose my best friend. He didn't want to either. But, you know, at that point, like, at certain points, like, I would

see him, like, go on dates and do things. I was too. And I'd just be like, oh, my God, I fucking hate it. I fucking hate that you're with anyone. Yeah. As Raina would say, the friendship's ruined already. I know. You said it on the show. You were like, if he went out with somebody else, I'd fucking kill him. And I was like, well, that's friendship's ruined.

So you might as well have a nurse. And I know that feeling too. I know it all too well. I have, like, wanted to, like, be with a friend of mine. Well, I fucked them first and then wanted to be with them. I, like, was like, we're going to be friends. We're going to be friends. But every time a girl would go near him, I wanted to claw her fucking eyes out.

So, okay, how did you guys make the producers made you? Honestly, the producers did force us to talk about our feelings because Kyle and I would just like kind of tiptoe around them. We'd just be like, okay, obviously there's feelings here, but let's just not like go there. And producers are like, tell us what the fuck is happening. Yeah, that's good because you said on the show again, I keep pointing you back to you.

You said like I can't live in this like gray uncertainty and I like resonated with it so much. Yeah. Because like, yeah, if you're not forced to deal with it, like how many of us would have whelm in it for so long? Exactly. Exactly. we would have just continued that like whatever the fuck we were doing.

I just, I can't get over. I could like watching it. I mean, I know I'm watching like an edited television show, but I've never wanted two people to work out so much in my life. I mean, and you're looking back on it.

You said it was a great chapter. I love that. But it just felt like there's so much love here as friends. Yeah. So I just wanted it. And I was just in my head like, is it really just because they don't want to like mess this friendship up? Like it seems so good.

It seems like it would work out so well. Yeah. And honestly, that's why we're like, okay, we have to, we have to take this up. And we have, like, I told them, I was like, where are they going to be together or like, I need to move on? Because this is just, like, too hard for me to, like, sit here and, like, dwell on these feelings without acting on it. Yeah.

And so, yeah, we kind of came to the conclusion. I was like, okay, we're not, we don't want to lose each other. So let's just give this a shot. But guys, once you, like, have that title, it just, like, kind of changes everything. Yeah, I want to hear more about it. Yeah. Yeah. Like, we got so much, like, we honestly got so much attention overnight.

and like that really like fucks with you and like there's so much pressure people have all these opinions and there's just so much going on plus like I know I get a lot of men in my DMs so I know he gets a lot of that too so there's temptation out there yeah and it's like I feel like we needed to give each other room to kind of grow in this new space and we wanted different things out of life okay what does it sort of look like because I've never really done this been friends with somebody and then you're like let's be together and the next day you're like oh my god just fuck my friend It's crazy. Like, what does it look like after you, like, touched your friend's penis?

Like, I've never done it. Okay, can I ask, again, answer as much or as little as you want, but. It's great. That's your answer. So we had the reunion in what, April or no? Yeah, April. And then a few months later after the altar or a few weeks later. Literally a few weeks later.

So it was like, mm-hmm. And that is when you guys decided to give it, give it a shot. Had you guys, you hadn't even kissed up until then? No, we did. You were spooning and kissing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I call it. That's what I thought.

I love it. Okay, but was the first time you guys had sex? Was it so awkward? You don't have to... No, it wasn't. Was it so great? Were you like, I can't believe I get to do this? Because there was so much pent up.

Yes. Yeah. Do you just like... What happened here? No. I don't want to upset you, but I want more information. Is my mom going to listen to this? Definitely not.

We'll call it something disgusting. So she will listen. Was it just like, let's fuck all night? Like, I need every drop. Every drop right now. Every drop. Every interview. Was it like so exciting?

It was. Honestly, it was, it was long awaited. Yeah. So, yeah, it was a good time. That's what I'm going to say about it. Did the relationship start great? Or was it immediately like, uh-oh, did we make a mistake? Like, was it a slow, like, fizzle out again?

Like, I don't want to upset you in any way. No, no, no. Honestly, I'm not. It's therapeutic to talk about it, to be honest. No, it started off really great. And I think what really got us was we decided to get a place. place in L.A. for a month. And we're like, let's just fucking go out there and, like, have some fun. Like, we're in this, whatever. And, you know, like, when you spend 24-7 with somebody,

it was a lot. Like, I needed to recharge. Plus, like, there's a lot. Yeah, there's so many layers there. I think, like, he was realizing, like, you know, he's not, he didn't want to be in a relationship, like, or with me, whatever it was. You know what I mean? Because I think I wasn't being myself anymore. Like, he brought out a different side of me. Like, I was very insecure. And, like, it was like, I was going back to those old patterns again of like codependency and I identified that. So we were like, you know, we had a conversation where like, is it better? It was it better when we were friends. And it felt like a whole weight was lifted off my shoulders. Like, yes, the fucking pressure of being perfect for you. Like, and I was trying to be like a version of myself that would be perfect

for him. Do you feel like the friend version of me is just able to show up in a different way than the girlfriend version of me? Exactly that. Exactly. I was just like more myself when I was friends. with him. Whereas in a relationship, I'd be like, I know the types of girls he's dated in the past. I'm like, I was just wanting to be this perfect person for him. And I'm like, wait, I just need to be myself. But it was hard for me to do that. I love this discussion because it does truly show some people are just obviously meant to be friends.

And some people are meant to be together. I mean, I have a friend that if we're in the room, we're like locked in on each other. You know, Raina's like seeing it happen for years now. And it's always like how we have so much chemistry. we connect on such a deep level as friends, but I can't imagine dating. You would think you would look and be like they should date, you know,

but I know that I honestly feel like I would be like that. I actually think if I really think about being in a relationship with him, it would feel like I would be trying to be somebody that I wouldn't have been when we were friends. Exactly, exactly, a different version of yourself or like the perfect version of you for him. Yeah, yeah. It's like, that's not me.

Well, I think when you're friends with somebody, you don't have the same emotional obligation to somebody that you do as a romantic partner, right? It's just I need to check in with you all the time. I need to know that like you feel good. And if I don't feel good, how is that affecting you? And I don't think about that as much when I'm somebody's friend. Yeah, exactly.

And when you're friends also, it's like, you know, he's able to flirt with other people. I'm able to flirt with us. But like when you get to that relationship thing, it's like, no, you can't fucking do that anymore. Like that will bother me. And so he's a very flirty person. I am too. And that's another layer too. I'm like, I would get insecure.

I'm just like if he's like talking to somebody like. He radio. eight's big dick energy, sexual energy, flirty energy. Like, Ashley's been saying this for six months.

His level of confidence. Did you? I love it. Yes. He's got that sexy voice. Like, he's just like a short king around Chicago.

Like, I'm like, in his moped. Is he really a construction worker? He's got a nose ring. Like, how is that safe on the job site? Like, I just am so intrigued by him.

Yeah. No, he's, yeah, absolutely. That's why I'm intrigued. And I love a bad boy. Like, I hate nice guys. It's a problem.

When my mom was trying to get me arranged marriage, she goes, what kind of men are you into? I'm like, reformed bad boys if you can find you. Reform is the key word. Yeah, like, because it's my asshole. We think they can grow up. I love that. That's your merch idea. So I, like, totally relate to what you're saying where you're like, this was in my head

of like, I don't like this. I'm stressed out. When you finally, like, said it was like a huge weight off your shoulders. And both of you were able to be like, oh, my God, I feel like that too. and I wonder how long that was like in your mind before you said those words because like I think that you can do a lot of self-talk of like well if I say this what's going to happen and it what like what a great feeling when the other person's like yes I feel like that too and you feel it leave your body so like how long did you kind of struggle with that internally before you said the words

yeah I think like I saw the energy was shifting when we were like kind of living together I guess don't live with people guys dude honestly kids stressed enough why did I do that so fast I feel validated yet again. Listen, I moved in with somebody after like four months. And what happened? And what happened? Six weeks later, I was like, I don't want that. Bella, are you hearing this?

Uh-oh. No, Bella's man's a king. Not a short king, just a king. No, he's a tall king. And he's jacked. Yeah, he's an Indian jacked. If I wanted to say that, yoked. I called him yoked up.

I was, Raina grabbed his. his chest. We were at one of my shows and Raina was like, you're looking yoke tonight. I was like, Raina, that's our employees man. It was the best chest grab. He probably had that whole night. So yokey. I'm derailed.

What am I talking about? Oh, living. I was talking to Ashley about living with my boyfriend. I was like, I don't know how I was exiled out with it. She was like living with your boyfriend. We were right in the studio and I was like, I don't know how I'm going to get out of this. And I was like really stressed out. And I just, I felt like I don't know how to explain this information.

And for like weeks, it just killed me. And the second I fucking said it, he was like, yeah, me too. Yeah. Yeah. And it's exactly how it was. Yeah. I know. But you were saying that like that month kind of wasn't great.

Yeah. We were just like, it was like I wanted to be with him 24-7, but I realized that's so unhealthy. I have an anxious attachment cell sometimes. So I feel like, because I'm such an overthinker. So I need a partner who understands my overthinking and kind of helps it instead of makes it worse. Okay. Like, you know, someone can't be like, oh, you're just insecure in the way that you're thinking.

You have to, like, change the, you know, how you talk to them. And you're like, okay, like, babe, I understand how you're feeling. But no, this is actually how I feel. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's, yeah, you just need somebody to understand it. It seems like maybe you came out of this with even a deeper understanding of what you want and a person and what you need for your personality and your attachment style.

Exactly. That's why I fucking hate when people are like, oh, my God, season two failed. It's like, no. breakups are a part of life. That's what our season taught you. Right. That it's okay to break up and figure out what it is the fuck that you want and what it is it that you don't.

And that's a win. Because nobody's still married? Yeah, no one's together from this season. Yeah, I don't think it's a failure. No. It's an experiment. They call it an experiment. I would say the majority of relationships from reality shows don't work out long term.

But people come out of it better for it and they've learned so much about themselves. They have new friends. Right. You know, so I don't know what people expect, but are you guys still friends? We're just a different kind of friend now. Yeah. You know, he's in a new relationship and I wish him the best. But, you know, once you cross that line, it's just hard to go back to the same old thing.

You know what I mean? It just can't be the same. And, like, it just would, I would get really upset when he would, like, flirt with other women. Like, we tried to be friends. It just is hard. I can't do it. It's hard. And give yourself time, like, my best guy friend in the world.

like we slept together when we first met and I was like, I mean, I was like completely obsessed with him in love with him for the first year and it broke my heart to see him go out with other girls. And I was just, I knew we weren't going to be together. So I was like just push through this. Just push through this. You want to be friends with this person. It would like rip my heart out of my chest. I'd like hear him go out with a girl. But we are fine now after all these years. It's my fair person. Yeah, you're more than fine. Yeah. You're like best friends. Best friends. Like it was truly just time. Like I really, if you guys want, I could absolutely see in it six months a year or whatever it is. I would love that. I would totally see it. I text them sometimes and I'm just like, I miss our friendships so much. Yeah. You know, I really do.

I wish, sometimes I wish we didn't, but like I knew we had to. You had to. We had to. What if you, like, I'm sitting here thinking like, I want to know if you like regret it, but it's also like you did, you had to do it. Yeah. Because we had to take that. We had to take that.

To try. Absolutely. Otherwise, we would just, even when we had that friendship, it was already going to be ruined if like, you know, I couldn't be friends with him even if we didn't take it to the next level. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think that you'll date other people and time will pass and it'll just feel fine. Yeah.

Like, it'll just be this funny thing we tried. Like, oh, I saw her dick. That's so funny. I forgot how she brings it up all the time. She's like, oh, my gosh. Some girl told him his dick, like, really hurt her the other day. And I was like, I remember. Oh, my God.

Shut the fuck up. You did not say that. She's like, yeah, so how's the sex life? Like, I've been there, done that. Yeah. It's been seven years. So many people. or Eskimo sisters with Raina.

Literally, a half in New York in Chicago. Can we talk about your dating life before the show? Yeah. Because we were listening to you on another podcast on Caitlin Bristone's show. And you talked about it a little bit, but I'd love to hear a little more. So before that, you were in a relationship, you said for six years, it was like pretty toxic. It was so toxic, you guys. I have, I look back on it and I'm like, why the fuck did I stay for so long?

And again, it stems from my insecurity. Like, I really thought, like, I'm not going to find somebody else who's going to love me. not going to find. I have to make this work. So yeah, we were together for six years, I think a little bit on and off here and there because I would catch him doing weird things like, you know, trying to hook up with the front or, you know, just like whatever. It was a hard thing, but I didn't take him home to my parents the entire six years. Oh my gosh. And I lived with him. Did they know that? Yeah. Well, now they do. They know everything, which is so great. But I used to really live a double life because it made a culture. Yeah. Like you don't bring somebody home unless.

like that is your person. That is it. You know? Right. And you knew it wasn't deep down? I knew it wasn't. I knew it wasn't going to work. And so I don't know why I stayed though still.

I was like, you know, maybe he'll change. Maybe he'll come back around. But the last straw for me, I think he told me one night, he was like, I've been cheating on you this whole time. Oh, my God. And I was like, fuck you get out of my place. How did that come up? Like, that sounds very casual.

So how did he say this? We were literally fighting. Honestly, the neighbors would be like, I heard you guys fighting. I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I used to be in that relationship. And looking back, I'm like, you can hear so much. Like, I heard my neighbors just talking loudly. The fact that they would hear is screaming at each other, I, like, am still mortified.

Right. Me too. I was like, I got to get out of this apartment. Yeah. I was like, I interrupted you. No, you're fine. But yeah, no, exactly that. We were just, like, fighting about something.

And I was trying to, like, fight for the relationship, essentially. And he goes, deep tea, like, you don't get it. Like we can't be together anymore because I've been cheating on you the whole time. Because he knew those are the words that he needed to say for me to be like, okay, yeah, this is 100% done. That's the last straw for me. Like there's just a knock. Oh my gosh. So you feel like you said you grew up feeling really insecure about your body and you've lost tons of weight and you've had to obviously do a lot of like work to make yourself feel worth worthy and worthwhile.

Do you feel like that played into just sort of like that I found this person that loves me. So let me just deal with everything. Yeah, exactly that. You know, I always compromise and I'm always, you know, even though my partner is draining my energy and I can sense it, I tend to just stay because I don't have the self-worth. And so, like, literally, it's so funny how the universe works. Like, it, like, literally forces you to change. And so there's, like, all these things that have happened, even Shake included, even Kyle thing,

you know, all these things happen so that I can keep learning my lesson. And you're always going to attract toxic partners if you haven't learned your lesson. because you need to keep, you know, you keep going through that cycle. Yeah. And I feel like I finally fucking broken the cycle. Like I am ready to get what I deserve. Like I want a partner that, you know, that I know I deserve. I love that.

And I also, I feel like you're not ready till you're ready. And so you will date people that aren't right for you or people that are great people, like you, that you have a friendship with like Kyle, but you're not the version yet to meet, like the person. Yeah. So I think that we all go through. that and every relationship that, whether it's toxic or not, whether it's just a good learning experience, you come out of it and you're like one step closer to being that version of yourself

when the right person comes along. Absolutely. Absolutely. I highly believe in law of attraction too. So if you're like, you know, vibing at a higher vibrational frequency of like just loving yourself and being badass, that's what you're going to attract. And if you're like at that lower vibrational figure, you're going to attract toxic partners. That's definitely, it's coming out to fruition. Yeah. I also think a lot of it is just you. just growing up and like having access to more information too. I always say like when I was my early 20s, I didn't have anybody telling me what gaslighting was

or that like I could fight back in these situations. I remember my ex, my first ex that I lived with in New York, he would say to me like, we can finish having this conversation when you're done upsetting yourself so much. Oh my God. And like he was such an unbelievable narcissist, sociopath, pathological liar cheated on me all the time.

But like I was 22, 23. I didn't even know how to say like the words to like describe his behavior. I had no idea how to stop it. And you do have such little, not everybody, but I didn't know myself worth back then. I was like, this person loves me. He's teaching me all these things. He has money. He's interesting. You just get older, I think. And learn. You figure it out. You're like, oh, shit, I can't do that anymore. Yeah. Yeah. So tell us about the book. Yes. And also, like, we just talk about when you decided to write the book. I feel like it happened quick. It did. I wrote it in seven weeks. That's incredible. Oh, my God. I wrote it in

People are trying to write books right now are triggered. Well, I have a question. Do you have a job? Do you work full-time? Yeah. Okay. So I actually just quit my job two months ago. Well, I didn't know if being a writer was like your full-time job.

No, no. Yeah, I actually, I was in corporate America. Okay. I was in IT actually. So, yeah, I was like half-assing both things. Like this new platform I got and it was like hard for me to like focus on that. Yeah. Plus work.

Like, it was like a lot. So I was like, you know what? Technology will always be there for me if I need to go back. to it but you know right now i'm like okay i got to explore new things what was it the inspiration and yeah honestly um it was after the show came out like there was so many things obviously the shake was saying there's so many like people not understanding my my story because you see such a small sliver and like honestly people put me on this pedestal of like oh my god like she's perfect like look how she stood up for herself look choosing and i was like no no i'm not fucking perfect at all

that's why i wanted to write the book so that you know people could read and see that i've gone through a lot of obstacles to get to that position. And it's not been easy. And so, you know, I'm just hoping that through my mistakes and how I've grown from them, that someone can relate to it and say, okay, you know what, like, it's okay that I'm going through these types of things. And that it can help them to realize that you can get help. Because when I was younger, like, therapy was such a stigma. Like, I would never ask for help. So I would like internalize everything. And that led to eating disorders. It led to like me getting whitewash. It led to identity crisis. Like, there's many things and so many layers to me that I feel like I really had to put myself out there.

Oh my God, I can't wait to read it. I know. I love that so much. And it's, we get a question a lot of times, like, how are you so confident? And so it's like people really want to be. They're actually insulting me. They're like, girl, how are you so confident? But for me, it's like, you don't really seem to like yourself that much.

Stop it. I do. I say it just because we get it a lot, which it kind of, it's upsetting that people would feel like they don't know how to be confident or that they're not or that they're insecure. And so, but I think it's so important to let everybody know that you're not just born this way. And some of it is just fake it till you make it. And some of it, like I was watching the trailer for bros and Billy Eichner was talking

about like they just kind of like a monologue was in the trailer, which was interesting and like how he's confident the way he explained it was really interesting. Like sometimes it's just like it's a choice to be a certain way. And then you eventually it is your truth. but I like the journey of getting to this point where you can stand up at the altar and be like, I choose me. And everyone's like, she's a queen. So now you're like backing up and telling the story.

Yeah, the story. Exactly. And it's like it took a lot of work and effort to get to that position. And it's still, every single day, I still have to work at it. So, yeah. Good. Well, people, we've covered most of it. But people really did want to know a lot about your weight loss, your cultural identity,

how you grew up, how your parents feel. So it sounds like this is really covered in the book. Yeah. Yeah, it definitely is. I mean, that did come up a lot. Just do your parents care who you date or do they influence you? Would they prefer that you're with in a D-Man? Honestly, yeah.

I mean, my, okay, I see the benefits of having somebody from your own culture be like intertwined into your family. Yes. Because when Shake actually met the family, like, it was easy. It was so easy. When I met his family, it was so easy. It's because like there's this understanding. Yeah. And so I get it.

But I think my parents know by now. that like I'm just going to do whatever I want to do. They obviously want a nice brown boy. My mom was fucking manifesting shake. My mom did that. I loved your parents on the show. I know. They're so great.

They're such a good support system. And I talk about this in the book too. Like seeing them evolve as people and like just letting me be. It was a hard thing for them to like relinquish control and be like, no, you need to do things this way. And so just to see them evolve as people and just be so supportive is so great. Like they're like, okay, I trust you. I love that. It's so sweet.

of them. I love to watch parents grow. Like, I love to see some growth in, like, the boomers. Yeah. It's so sweet. But I know what you mean. I mean, I just, I don't know what you mean from like a white woman, but just even being at this Indian wedding, it's like, it's, there's so many cultural differences that I can understand it just being easier. Yeah. You just get it immediately. But you know what is really funny? My white boyfriends, they would be like so invested in my culture. They'd be like, they were trying to like learn. Were you? Are you? Well, how everyone's obsessed with Indian culture. I don't know.

Everybody loves it and wants to know more. That's so funny because when I was growing up, I would be bullied so much about it. Like they'd be like, oh my God, you smell like curry. And I'd be like, what kind of curry? There's like 10. I'm like, that's actually chicken birriani you're smelling, okay? That clap back is so funny. No, actually, I didn't clap back.

I would just be like, oh, shit, I smell like curry. No. Good for your parents were being open-minded about it. It's nice to see that your parents are just happy as long as you're happy. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, you know, mostly they know. I feel like they always know what it is that I need.

Because every relationship I've been, they're like, yeah, that's not going to work out. But I guess like, you can learn your lesson the hard way. And I'm like, hi, mom, it didn't work out. What a blessing to have parents like that that are like, she's just going to fly. Yeah, she's exactly. They're like, we got it right with the other two. We're good. Are they?

So you have, what, an older brother? Older brother and a younger sister. Yeah. And they're angels. They both married. So my sister is not. married yet. She's five years younger than me. So she's still, you know, figuring it out, but she only dates brown guys. And my brother is married, um, to an Indian girl. Okay.

So can we just go back to the book really quick? Because I just, I really do want to know more. Like, were you just sitting writing, like banging this out? Like you would quit your job before that? Or were you trying. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I quit the job. And then honestly, I was, I was talking to my publicist and we were like, I always had this thought. Like, I wanted to do like a self-help book. But then I thought about it. I was like, why the fuck would anyone want to, read a self-help book for me because they don't know anything about my background or like why I would even have any like insight into that. So I was like it should be an autobiography. Like I and it's easy to write about yourself. It's not like a, you know, official story.

But it's self-help by nature. Like it's going to help people. Like it that it can, I mean, for what you're telling us, I feel like it already naturally falls under that category. So you really achieved both. Yeah. I wrote it at this in my preface and I was like, you know, if this helps one person to just know that they're not alone or that they don't have to make the same mistakes that I did, then this book is completely worth it. And I've gotten so many messages. And it's so cool.

Like I did a book signing in Toronto last week and at least four to five women have cried with me. And they were like, you have no idea like how much you've inspired me. I was like, we were just bawling together. You like changed somebody's life. It's really beautiful. So sweet. I'm like, it's really so special.

It's, I like, I just, that's why. why all this hurt everything that I've been through, it's so worth it just for that moment. Mm-hmm. It really is. Oh, my God. Well, guys, the book is available now. You can get it. Tell everybody where they can find you, your Instagram, your book, anything else you want people to look at.

Yeah. Life with Deeps on Instagram. And my book is out exclusively on Amazon. Okay. Okay. Amazing. Well, thank you for being here. This is so fun.

I'm so glad we're friends now. I know. I can't wait until you guys come to Chicago. We will be there. But you guys can find Vives Only at Vives Only.com. Vibes only on Instagram. You can download the app for iPhone and Android.

Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. Tickets to the live show will be there. Girls Got Eat Podcast at Instagram. Ash Hess, reina. dot Greenberg, Girls interscorgat eat on Twitter. And we'll see you next week.

You're really crushing this. Have a good week, guys. Bye.