Girls Gotta Eat - Watch Out for the Dating Filibuster

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Keep running into guys with secret girlfriends? Have you fallen victim to the frustrating "dating filibuster"? We're here to explain and break down the recent trends we've seen on these streets. Before we get into that, we're chatting about being in different life stages than your friends (and why you shouldn't worry), Ashley recaps her best month ever, Rayna shares a chaotic story about meeting a new crush, and a listener DM brings us to tears (again). Enjoy! Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Pretty Litter: Get 20% off your first order at prettylitter.com/gge. Beis: Get 15% off your first purchase at beistravel.com/gge. Nutrafol: Get $15 off at nutrafol.com when you use promo code GGE15. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a date filibuster. The secret girlfriend stuff that those guys are hanging out with me, it's a relationship filibuster. I don't like it. Girls got to eat. Welcome back. End of my favorite month. You do love February.

I love February. Are you in okay, Marsh? We live in L.A. It doesn't matter. It's beautiful here all year round. I'm just so upset when the coldest, darkest, shortest month ends. You know me. Yeah, it's really cold here, you guys.

It's 60 degrees today. I don't keep doing this every week. It's over. But today is, this week. is the five-year anniversary of when you came down to South Eichwine and food with me. And I just remember you, like, ran through the Betsy Hotel. I ran. I was so amped.

You were there. And I just was so excited. I think it was like our first trip, right? Well, we met on a trip. Right. It was our first trip. It was our first trip. Here's what's so funny about that.

We had started the podcast one week prior. We had one episode. And I remember being out with you at this party and said something like, girls got to eat in Miami. And like it was a thing. I mean, we did think it was the thing. No, we're posting pictures in the pool at the events, telling everybody like, Girls Got to eat is arrived in Miami wine and food.

One episode. One, when I say one, I'm not exaggerating. I remember editing the second one while we were there. Like one episode. And we were like, we're just two girlies who started a company. I mean, I think, you know, people ask, like, when did you know this was going to be a thing? And we did know. We had a good feeling.

We had gotten such positive feedback. but it was funny that one week later, we were like, first trip, first company trip. And I included you on this trip. Like, I used to go to the Wine and Food Festival in Miami every single year. And I went with a good friends of mine and I planned a trip with another friend. And I was just like, last minute, like, um, Ashley's going to come. My new friend. She was like, what?

You included this, like, new person on the trip. I was like, yeah, I'm really excited. I know. Amped. You were there. It was really fun. It was a good time. But we're going to skip it this year.

Well, we're about to go to Miami. Yeah. We have shows. We land in Miami. last night of the food festival. Because we're at a wedding. I mean, it's fine. It can be a little bit of a cluster.

No shade. Enjoy the festival every day. Yeah, I mean, I like it less and less every year because it gets a little crazier. And I just like being Miami Sans Festival. Well, I'm ready to be hot. I'm ready to sweat my ass off. Nowhere is colder than L.A. I'm nowhere is like colder by day.

There's not heat. Like there is in New York. I mean, New York, don't get me wrong. I'm here for it. And it is warm. But like, when it's not warm outside, I feel like this interoperable. eternal chill because the heat isn't going in like restaurants in places that you are. Like I just did this girl's trip in La Jolla and we were just like, it's so cold.

My house is freezing. It's not freezing. It's like just a little bit of a chill. My house is freezing when I get up in the morning. Yes. It's all in my throat. Like you go to a restaurant and like it's not like in New York, which is also not ideal where you're all bundled up.

You walk in a restaurant. Then you start sweating your balls off because the heat is jacked up. Yes. But it's just temperature control is it kind of. An constant issue for me in my life, I feel like. I'm having a hard time getting it right. I'm always cold. I always have a sore throat, but then I'm hot.

We're figuring out. Yes. I have so much to tell you. I have so much to catch you up on, but we are, speaking of Miami, we are leaving for Florida soon. So this week, if you guys are listening, we have shows in Tampa, Orlando, Miami. If you have crazy stories, crazy date, sex stories, crazy roasts about the people that you're coming with.

If you're coming with your partner, if you want to roast them and tell us funny stories about them, let us know any funny single guys in the audience or not, funny, just any single guys in the audience. Email us at Stories at Girls Gottaeatat.com and just tell us which show you're coming to. If you guys are watching on YouTube, I just like pulled Azul back. He tried to get off the couch and I was like, no, you stay here. It's fine. You guys want to see them.

I'm doing this for you. Yes, we just had a show in Phoenix. So I just wanted to say some thank you to all of you guys that came out in Phoenix and we had the Arizona Cardinals cheerleaders open the show. They were so wonderful and just an insane show. that is our fourth show we've ever done there, and it was so much fun. Yeah, I just loved every moment of it, and we knew it was going to be awesome. We love Phoenix so much. I never wanted it to land. I know. Really just was there twice in a week, and the second time at least ended on a high

note. But yeah, we can't wait for these four to shows, grab those tickets, and we'll see you guys. Yes, more and more people, we say this all the time, are bringing their partners, but also their moms. Lots of people have been bringing their mom tons. Yeah. So if you want to bring your mom, do it. We said that last week. And people message that they're coming with their moms again. So I just want to recap my month.

And I have a reason. Okay. Here's what I did in the shortest month of the year. Okay. We start our tour. We have now done four shows in three cities. We went to New York. We went on the Today show.

we went on Drew Barrymore. I went to the motherfucking Super Bowl. I went on a whole ass girl's trip with my college girlfriends. I'm friends with her 20 years. I signed a lease, officially moved to L.A., which I'll talk about.

At this point, I will be officiating a wedding in Jamaica for our friends. And that was just to happen in the last few weeks of February. So I just want to say that told it, tell you you can't have a dope-ass life being single in your 30s, your 40s, whatever it may be,

because I'm not saying this to brag. The month has been jam-packed, but it's like, this is my best life. And it's so awesome. And I love that I get to share it with you and all of my friends. And I'm just surrounded by all this fun stuff and this life that we've created for ourselves. And so I just kind of look back and I'm like, that was a lot. That was a lot to fit in like a short amount of time, and it was all just really awesome, dope stuff. I'm glad you did that. That was nice. That made me feel nice.

Yeah. You really don't need a man to have a fulfilling life. I mean, I'd like to get late more, but, you know, if you're not, why not go do all this dope shit? I just kind of reflected. And it says, again, this isn't like, oh, my God, my life's so great, but I just was, like, reflecting. Like, this was a lot in a short period of time.

And it's just kind of indicative of the way that we, like, live our life. and I got to do all this cool stuff for our career, and I got to go on these trips with my friends, and then also take my brother to the Super Bowl. And so it just was like, wow, this is really the life. You know, it's really a dream, and you can achieve it. Just, you know, follow your dreams. But I had said last week that I was going at the Super Bowl,

now it's like been weeks. But I did have such a good time with my brother, and it ended on, like, such a heartbreaking note. And it really just, like, ripped my heart out. And I want to go back to the Super Bowl when I don't care about the team because it was a little too much to stomach. It just so much buildup. and then, you know, a sad outcome.

But it was so great seeing Rihanna and Imagine Dragons because you guys know I'm a stand. And I just can't believe I only got to see Imagine Dragons after like we've talked about them and everything. So that was really fun. And yeah, signed a lease. I'm official. I move into a new house that I signed a year-long lease right around the corner from my Airbnb. I'm moving on March 10th. Leaving the Airbnb a little bit early.

They let me, they were great. And I'm so excited about this house. I bought a couch yesterday. I bought like a full-blown bed-style couch that I've been wanting, and I am ready to do it. I'm happy for you. It's been a lot of stress. We've been juggling a lot, and it's really nice to feel settled, I'm sure.

I always think about this comedy special that Ari Shafir did about not having kids. And he says, you know, everybody says, you'll be lonely if you don't have kids or if you don't have a partner. But it's like, and then he says in the special that I, like, roll over and pick up my phone and I call my other friends and then I go be not lonely. And I think about that a lot when people are like, but you'll be lonely. if you don't have like a partner or children, it's like it doesn't have to be. No, not at all. I mean, it was so great being with my college girlfriends. For one, those friends just know you on such a deep level. Like, they're just, no one will ever know me like that. You know, as close as I may become with people in my adult life, like no one, I didn't grow up with anybody like that. I mean,

Corey and I've been friends since we were kids, but those people really see you become an adult. You know, we met when we were 18 years old on the hall of our freshman dorm and we've stayed friends the whole time. And it is so wonderful to see where everybody is in their life. And, you know, there was times in these past 20 years where it was like, I just feel like I'm in such a different place than all of them. They all have kids. They're all married except for one. She is divorced and she is a kid. The rest of them have two or three kids. And so there was just points in our life when I mean, we would get together. They've all gotten together without me plenty of times. They've taken vacations together. But I always felt not like the odd one out. I was just living

a different life. But I was like, are we ever going to feel that we're connected the same way again? Like, is this like it for me? Am I kind of on the outside of the group? No one ever made me feel that way. We've always stayed in touch. But it's just interesting how that can happen when people are like having kids and having babies and then their kids get a little bit older and you're back to where you were before. Like that seven of us could, they could all go all the way across the country and do this

trip in California. And, you know, of course, they're FaceTime and their kids. They're talking to their husbands, this and that. But I was like, I never could have anticipated this when we were all sitting around, you know, seven, eight years ago when everyone had babies. And I was like, I cannot relate to anything these women are saying. And they're all vacationing without me and their kids are friends. And again, it's not because they excluded me or anything like that. It was just like that was our life. And to see them and have to spend time with them and it's just like nothing has changed. And it's

such a familial vibe, those college friends of like the way that they know you and the way you can reminisce and the bond that you have. I'm glad that you have that. And I remember that feeling. of like, I went home, three of my, like, best girlfriends. One had just had a baby. One was pregnant. And then the other one told me that she was pregnant. And I had like nothing to contribute to this conversation. I remember the three of them just talking about like organic baby clothing and formulas

and breastfeeding and like how they were going to raise their babies. And I remember sitting there like feeling like, is this the end of us having stuff to talk about? I have nothing to contribute here. I'm so happy for them. But like their lives are now so different than mine. And so all consumed by something else. And you do feel like am I ever going to have a place amongst these people again? And I think that like there is that little lull sometimes where people are first time parents.

And they don't know what the fuck they're doing. And they have to figure it out. And it does get better. And now I'm in the same place where all my friends have kids that are like five, six, seven plus now. And so you do start to like be able to hang out with their kids. And they can take vacations and they can trust their husbands to watch their kids. And it's like a nice place to be. Well, and I think it also depends on the people.

I mean, obviously I picked friends that I aligned with way back when. But there are definitely groups of mom friends that just still all talk about their kids and they compete on what schools their kids are getting into, what their kids are doing, and they can be more helicopter parents and different things like that. And my friends just aren't like that. They're all just like such awesome, chill moms. And that's not what dominates the conversation. So, and Azul came.

He was a perfect little angel on the girls' trip. Oh, he left the count. I love just going. I love that area. I love La Jolla. It was gorgeous. I do not know how you landed from Phoenix and drove. to La Jolla, I was so tired.

That show was so fun. I could have, like, we were on stage for two hours. Like, I could have just been there forever. We had so much fun. My mom's, like, best friend who came and got to see her. And, like, I was so drained. I don't know how you did anything. I was like, I think I've COVID.

Like, I can't get off the couch. This is so bad. I'm just running on fumes and adrenaline. I'm just having a great-ass time. Like, I feel tired, and then I remind myself of the next awesome thing I get to do. And listen, it took me a long time to get here, but this is it. This is it. This is like, how did I, how is this my life?

I pinch myself. I feel so grateful every day. And that's what keeps me going. That's what keeps me flying in 8 a.m. driving four hours, doing a whole ass girls trip, coming back, driving back, going straight to work. Then we got to leave again three days later. It's a lot, but it's like fun. And I have to kind of remind myself at that sometimes when I'm like, this sucks.

I'm so tired. Oh my God. I have to pack again. It's like, Ashley, shut the fuck up. Wait, you got to go to Jamaica? I'm going to go to the Super Bowl. I don't know if I can squeeze it in. Like, I just, I feel really grateful and, you know.

You have more energy in the tank than I do. I really need to, like, pause and, like, get my reserves up. It is really important to me to remind myself that I'm, like, lucky to do stuff. And, like, every time I don't want to do something, when I do it, I'm, like, so happy. And it's so, like, we have great friends. I'm never going to have a bad time with them and feel like this is, like, a worthless thing to do. Like, I don't ever want to go out. I don't want to do anything.

I love when people bail on me. I don't want to commit. to plan, but I'm so happy when I follow through. Yeah, so I have to remind myself. Well, what is going on with you? Really? I lived a whole life this weekend without you. I worked out both days. I'm back on my bike grind. I went to the farmer's market both days. I've been looking for a house too. So I'm just somewhere to like call my own here because I'm in an Airbnb too. So I've been looking. I looked at a few places today. One of them was, they didn't really pave the walls. So the walls are cinder blocks. And the guy was trying to like sell me on it. And I was like,

I feel like this is like waking up in jail. And then I was like, I haven't been to jail before. And then I was like, Prana, stop talking. Like, do you remember this moment you're looking down at yourself? And you're like, shut, bitch, shut up. But I looked at this house that I really loved, the first house I saw. It's too much house. It's too big.

Yeah. But I also, I don't want more than one bedroom. I don't want to be to come stay with me ever. Raina. I don't want. You don't? Maybe a second bedroom. But I'm not dying.

This house had three bedrooms. It's too many bedrooms. Oh, yeah, yeah. I know, but they were going to be for my family. I still have looked at other houses with more bedrooms. They can come stay with me. But I'm not dying for three bedrooms. That's crazy.

So I found this house and I really loved it, but it's too much house. And I was just like going back and forth, like, do I want to stay there? I don't know, whatever, do I want to like try to bid on it? Okay. So I sent a friend of ours photos of the house and it has a very unique, like one of the walls is very unique looking. And so I was home on Saturday night, like 7 o'clock. And she texted me a picture of her husband and our friend.

and she's like, I think I'm at the house. What? She was like, I think I'm at a party at your house. Wait, the big one. The big one. And it's the house. I look at the photo. It's the house.

And she's like, I don't know the people here. Friends of a friend rented the house for the week on an Airbnb. Do you want to come to this party at the house? And so I was like, what? Yeah, so I went to a party at the house. Because it's like for rent now on Airbnb. It's fully furnished. They're using a staging company.

So I guess in the meantime, while they're trying to rent it, they're Airbnb being it. Okay. And so I went to a party at the house. It was so weird. And I was like, let me see what the vibe is like in my home. In the house. Let me see like what the party vibe is like at the house. Also, by the way, this house is one block from where I live now. Yeah. And so I could be there in like 30 seconds. And also of the millions of homes in LA, like, what are the fucking odds? Like she didn't even know the people whose house it was. She was just like, this is a friend of a friend. There was like a taco truck on the roof. They had all these people there. Also, like, I was thinking about like, do I, like, do I. keep the furniture to kind of give me the ick to see all like 30 people like sitting along the furniture. That's what I was just going to ask you if you were in this house and you were like, stop it! Get out of my house! I found! I was there was like all these people sitting all over the white couches and I was like, this really gives me the ick. And I took a bunch of photos of it so that when I

like go back to them to like ask for less money, I'm going to be like people through parties on its furniture. Yeah. And I don't want it. Right. And that's so crazy. Like what are the fucking odds that that would happen? That is so funny. I mean, did you, well, you'd already been in it, I guess. Yeah, but I only like blew through it. It made me, again, it's too big and there's no reason to have a house that big. I just get so excited because I've lived in New York in such a small apartment for so long that I'm just like, two bedrooms. I'm so it's too much, too much space. So I just, I'm going to keep looking. I'm going to hopefully sign something for April 1st and then I'll send all my stuff out here and I broke my lease in New York. So I'm going to be moving out of that place. And I wrote them a really nice email just about how much that place meant to me. Because, you know, that was the first place I ever lived at really on my own, could furnish on my own. could have parties at and just have so many really nice memories. So I thank them for all the memories and for letting me break the least early. Okay. I had this other thing happen on Saturday that I have to talk about.

Okay, what? So I bet this guy. Very weird way. What? So I'm trying to like, if I have like a day to myself, like pick a neighborhood and explore it. Okay. LA is so big. I feel like you could never know it.

It's like gives me anxiety. It's like so big. I just want to explore all the places and whatever, though. We live here now. So I don't feel that like sense of trying to squeeze everything in a short period of time. I'm trying to remind myself of that too. Like I don't have to get to every restaurant, every single event, every museum, everything. So I've been trying to like pick a neighborhood if I have a day and just explore it.

So I decided I was going to explore the palisades. And I've never been up there before. So I went to a farmer's market. You have been up there before. I did. We went to someone's house. The most important house. We can't say who.

But our vibrators were there too. But you have been there. Huge celebrity. Yes. Probably one of the biggest on earth. So I have been up there in the dark, but during the daytime, ever. And I live on the west side, so I was like, okay, I'll go explore there. And I saw that there's this art gallery there that I bought stuff from them at the affordable

art fair in New York, which is like a really good art show, if you guys ever can, go. But I bought stuff from them there. I'm on their mailing list. I saw they had like a little gallery up there. So I was like, I'll stop by this gallery and see what they have. So I park outside the gallery. I'm walking in. I see this guy sitting on a bench outside of the gallery.

He is the most beautiful man I have seen. He is like giving Dave Batista. He's fucking huge. And he's wearing like jeans and a beautiful to Arenda. He was pretty beautiful to a lot of people. I do a very specific taste. No tattoos on this guy. But salt and pepper hair, he did a little bit of hair.

He had a little bit of a beard. Salt and pepper also. He was spread out across his bench. His whole wingspan was across the bench. He was wearing a-meter glasses. He's so hot. Like, how do we get this guy to talk to me? So I walk into the gallery and he gets up and follows me in the gallery.

And I'm like, oh my God, this is so exciting. So he's like, hi, we start talking. We're the only two people in this gallery, and he's like, this is my friend's gallery. I'm babysitting it for the day. Wait, what is this giving Carrie and Aden? Oh my God. Guys, I don't know any of this. Raina, is this going to end okay?

Is it going to end with again? And then I never saw him again. Like that guy I met at a party in L.A. I'm not sure if I'm going to see him again. I've really doubled down on seeing him again. I'll explain to you how. This is so exciting for me. So I'm walking around the gallery.

I'm like making jokes. I'm flirting with this guy. He starts to take up his glass. I'm like, please be hot, please be hot. He takes them off. He's so hot. I'm like, nailing it. Maybe like 47. That's what I just was going to say is this like late 40s, the vibe I'm getting. Big guy. Like, you know, I always say that and I'm not right, but he's at least six, three to six four. Big dude. Five 11. No, he's really hot. So we're looking at the art. I'm like making jokes. I'm so nervous because he's like so handsome and I'm like how I get this guy to like date me.

Was he laughing? Yeah, he was laughing. He's been interrupting. This is a good ass story. So I go into the gals. I go into the Gapel we're looking at different stuff. And then I don't know how like get this guy's number or nothing, whatever. So I was like, I'm just going to go. I was like, oh, anyways, he goes, are you on the mailing list? And I was like, I am on the mailing list. But I was like, no. And he goes, he takes out this like yellow notepad.

And he's like, why don't you write your email address and your name? So I write it down. He goes, why don't you put your phone number there too? And I was like, okay. And so I'm like, what do you? Is this like your journal? Like, what is this? And he was like, I don't know.

I keep like making fun of him. He's sort of laughing at it. And then he's like, are you, are you into art? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, I have passes to the LA art show. Do you want it? And I was like, yeah. I should have just been like, do you want to come by with me?

But he was babysitting the gallery, obviously. Oh, like that day? That day. Okay, got it. It was at the convention center at this point last weekend. Okay. He was like, do you want this pass? You can go.

And then the owners of this gallery, that's why they're not here. They have a show down at the LA art show. So it's really far from the palisades. It's like 45 minutes. So I was like, yeah, I'll take it. So in my mind, I'm like, This guy's my phone number. You can go and tell him how it was.

Yes, I can, like, go to the art show. You'll have a reason to talk to him. Yes. Okay. So, but I'm like, I still didn't, like, get a vibe if, like, this guy actually was just putting on a mailing list or not. So I was like, I'll go to the art show. I'll talk to the owners of the gallery. I'll figure out this guy's, like, vibe and, like, what he's about.

And I'll tell them I'm into him. And they'll make him text me. Oh, my God. I drive right. This is the commitment to go to a convention center. I mean, I get that it was like an art show. I go to a lot of art shows. Yes, you do.

I do. I go to all the ones in New York. And I really, like, would have gone regardless. If I find myself going to a convention center for anything, something has gone awry. I go to the convention center in New York City for all the odd shows, and all that stuff. So it's not so outside of the realm of something I would do. And I've bought these people's art at art shows before.

So I go down to the art show. I literally leave. I go directly to the art show. And this is so funny. This is so funny. It's like, you get in your car. You're hoffing it to the art show to try to get with this guy. You're actually, you're leaving.

You're leaving him to go across town to try to get him, to try to talk to this. Like, this is a funny way to circumvent this situation. I'm just going to give away the lead. This backfires so hard on me by the end of the story. So, okay, I drive to the art show. I get down there. And I forget, by the way, he tells me that he's so-and-so's friend, one of the names of the guys that owns the gallery. The guys who on the gallery, I forget, are twins.

So I'm not actually sure which one is which. So I'm property brothers. Yes. So I go to this. I like beeline it to their stand. I find one of the twins. I'm like, hi. I'm like, I bought your art before.

And I was like, I got to tell you this crazy story. I went up to your gallery. And he was like, today. I was like, yeah. Even he was like, this bitch is crazy. And I was like, I went up to your gallery, I met your friend. And he goes, what friend? And I was like, what?

You don't know which person's babysitting your gallery? He goes, I don't have any idea. And he goes, probably my brother's friend. He points to the other twin across. So I start talking to him. And my whole plan is I'm going to be like, I went there. That guy was so cute. He's so hot.

Whatever, you should tell him to text me. And I start talking to him, but he starts hitting on me just immediately. No, no. He just cuts me off and just like. First twin or second two? First twin is hitting on me. And you're like, I'm just trying to talk to second twin. I've seen them.

They're kind of hot for like old guys. You've seen them on HGTV because they are the property brothers. They're like 55. So the one, the one twins, like, I don't fucking know who was there. It's like my brother's gym buddy or something. Okay. And so I'm talking to him. He starts hitting on me and he's telling me about like his assets and his money and his three marriages and all this stuff.

And I'm like, I'm going to go. And I'm like, am I really going to fucking do this? So I go to the other brother, and I'm like, this is crazy. I was just in your gallery. He was like, now? Like just now? He's making fun of me. And I was like, yeah, I met your friend who works.

He's like, he's my gym buddy. And I was like, you're like, yes, what your twins are up. I figured he was your gym buddy. I just heard that. And he's like, real small guy, really small. And I was like, yeah, he's super small. And he's like, totally small. I'm like, we're going to do this for a while.

Yeah. And right as I'm going to be like, he's so hot or like making an awkward and say something. This girl cuts in and she's like, were you just at the gallery? And I was like, what is happening? I guess she's the gallery manager. She cuts me off. And then the other twin starts talking to me about a bunch of nonsense. And like, I can't get back to the guy at the gallery. I just want to ask him if that guy's single. And I was like, is he like in the art world? And he goes, I don't know what he does. And I was like, I thought he's your friend. He's like, we went to Sundance like last week together. I don't know what he does for a living.

I think they hired him because he was big. He's like a bouncer for the art gallery. I fucking hope so. Would that be so funny? I mean, someone would absolutely ask Matt to watch their gallery. Okay, so nothing? So I haven't heard from him. No, I am not.

I'm really sad about it. If this sounds like somebody you know. I mean, I think I did this before. People found that guy. This is a little vague, though. I don't know if I want to say the name of the gallery. It feels like weird. Right?

Two twins own it. I'm sure you guys are putting this together. In the palisades. I mean, I'm sure you guys could just figure it out. So did you feel like you couldn't text him? Well, I didn't get his number. He just took mine, and I don't know who's for professional purposes or not. I know.

They probably don't even do SMS marketing. Like, you're probably never going to get the text from the gallery. Well, those guys probably both were like, this girl's walking around the whole festival telling everybody she met you. So I'm hoping that I hear from him, but also he said that they had gone to Sundance Film Festival together, the previous weekend. So I don't think he's a bouncer for the gallery. I think he released like a forward to flood a sundance for the weekend, but I don't care.

You don't know his first and last name. I just know his first name. I looked on Facebook. I looked on Instagram. The depths I have gone to find out who this guy is is crazy, Ashley. I'm going to say this right now. Everyone, listen up. Girls got to eat PSA.

Get last names. The guy who goes to me, the mystery that we're still out here talking about years later, maybe the first time in my life I didn't get a last name. Yeah. Don't forget it. Don't be like, it's fine. It'll work itself out. Get a last name.

So you're not in this position. If I would have just gotten that guy's last name, we wouldn't be here right now. I'll try to still solve this mystery two years later. I know. And you wouldn't be trying to track this guy down. I mean, at least if you had his first last name, you could find him unless it was just like John Smith or something.

Yeah, but if he's 40 plus, like the probability that he necessarily has like Instagram and things like that. I try to find him on Facebook. I went to the brother. his Facebook account to look if they were friends. He does have a different first name. You could have got it. Probably LinkedIn.

Like, there's just more avenues. Not that you want to be a stalker. I mean... Wait, I'm going to show you what the name is. I think we can find it. That's not always. Okay. His first name is...

It's not like an odd first name, but you don't hear it a lot. That's the name. Also, I feel like I could never yell that name on bed. That'd be so weird. We used to have a dog with that name. That was our family dog. He said it sounds like a dog's name. It is.

It's a weird name. You cannot say that name. Oh my God, even looking at it, RIP. I know, I'm uncomfortable. But that was my little adventure. I was like really hoping it worked out for you guys because like I would have been like such a great like meet cute story. Maybe I'll still hear from him.

I don't know. You never know. I, you got things in the mix. Well, maybe he has a girlfriend like everybody else that we're going to talk about on this episode today. We're going to talk about secret girlfriends, but I wanted to read you this DM. It's one of my favorite DMs I've ever gotten. I read it.

a couple times because the language alone and what this girl said about the podcast, I was like, I don't think I've ever got a DM that made me feel so emotional and like encapsulated kind of what we've built. So this girl named Sarin DM'd me. This was probably last week, the week before, right after the five-year anniversary episode. And she said, it's funny listening back to your first episodes. You could clearly feel that the alignment, the chemistry, and the immediate respect and space you made for one another as you start this huge endeavor. But could it be too good to be true? Meeting family and a business partner and watching you guys create this hybrid family sister, Mogul energy has been incredible to follow along with. It's giving a stunning feminist family

business morale arc. And this is just the beginning. That is so special. I know. I really was like, you didn't have to send this. You know, like you don't have to send messages like that to people. I just was like the language she used like hybrid family sister mogul energy, stunning feminist family business moral arc. Like I feel so emotional. Like I just am like, where do you get off saying something that beautiful? Like it's like one thing to like for us to even think that we've built that, but for someone from the outside to say that and to be like listening back to your old episodes, you could like feel this thing happening. But like could it be too good to be true? Are you really going to continue to get along?

and being each other's families and be in business together and stay together. I just, I really love that. Yeah, so thank you, Sarin. Thanks, Erin. I've been feeling, I mean, of course, really emo about the show. And lately every time somebody asks me about it, to say, like, it's been five years is crazy for me to say that. And I am feeling, like, very email about the podcast. And another one of our friends this weekend was asking me, like, do you guys ever have, like, lulls in your friendship?

Would you ever go to, like, couples therapy? I was like, I guess if we ever needed to someday. But it is nice to look back on it and think that, like, when we first started, I was just so excited to, like, tell you all these stories and catch you up on anything and you weren't, like, a part of my life. You know, you were no part of my life, really, except for a new friend that I wanted to hang out with all the time. And now, like, you're like my whole life. Well, it's interesting because we'll bring this up when we talk about secret girlfriends, because I can't even get through a conversation without mentioning you. It's very like, we, you know, this is

like my partner and we're only friends. So if I was fucking you, you'd be coming up even more. That is so true. Wow. I really, I feel like I'm like that emoji that's like, like I really can't. Like, you're the person that I spent on my time with. So, like, you know what? It's different. We have a community. You and I have a community around us.

We have the same friends. We have family that's intertwined. Well, your family talks to me more than I talked to you, but your family's better. So it is really difficult to, like, have a whole community with another person and find some way to sidestep that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, and not everybody has a community around them, you know, we'll talk about it.

You know, but, I mean, what we have is like, very special. But I was speaking to my family, this was like the cutest thing. I woke up, what, Sunday, Sunday morning on the girl's trip and I had seen a missed FaceTime from Steph. And I was like, I know what this is. And like I got the whole group together and I faceTimber back. And it was Jay in his head-to-toe Clemson outfit. Oh my God. He already told me he was walking because he's so advanced. He's about to walk. I can feel it. Oh, that's so sweet.

Yeah. So like so the Clemson outfit fits. I got a four for Christmas. It has a little hat on it. It's got little ears. He's like, ed. to toe. I just missed him so much. I may be buying a house in Delaware, so I'm going to have to go there and close on this damn house. I saw it today. I did a FaceTime walk through. How was it? Perfect. You love it? I love it. I can't find anything wrong with it. Oh my God. So I don't know. We'll see. It would be like an investment also, be like a house I would run out, but it was like perfect in every way. So Matt went and FaceTime walked me through it and I was like no notes. Oh my God. This is so excited. Do you feel like such an adult?

I feel like such. I mean, it's, we always joking. I mean, we always joking. about this. It doesn't matter how old you get. I mean, I guess there is a point where you feel like an adult, but I don't know. All throughout your 30s, maybe early into your 40s, you're just kind of like, where are the adults? Oh, and you're like, I'm the adult. Yeah, it's really true. It's just, it is so adult to like, buy something? I don't own anything in this world. And I've been like, yeah, I've been also thinking like, is it crazy? Also, congratulations. That's really exciting. And I don't know. We'll see it. No, thanks. I've been deciding do I want to rent or buy in L.A. and it feels a little crazy to buy something

because I've lived here for seven weeks. But also to just light money on fire for the rest of my life every month is not how I want to live either if I don't have to. And you and I work really hard. I've tried to invest money and save money. I've saved a lot of money. So I'm thinking about buying.

I also want car shopping, which I'm going to talk about it on the next episode. But teaser, it's really funny. And I don't know, it does make you for really adult to even think about buying a thing. And listen, there's a lot to be said for renting. I like that Rameit Jatty, who's been in our podcast, talks about the benefits of renting.

it's whatever works for you. But if you're going to spend an exorbitant amount on rent, I'm not saying we're doing that. But I'm saying there's prices for rent that I could afford that I wouldn't pay because I'm like, that feels crazy because you could really have a nice home and have a mortgage on a nice home. But I still feel like you can weigh the cost and benefits

because I don't love when people try to force buying down your throat either. And you're like, I'm all set. I've been about this rental life. I don't have to fix shit. Right. Both things have positives and negatives. I don't have homeowners association fees. I don't have any of those things.

Right. But, like, I mean, listen, I also don't spend money on things that most of the world spends money on at my age. I don't own a car. I don't have car insurance. I don't have children. Like, so I've been able to save money because I don't have those things. I don't have anything.

Yeah. Well, so I, people really are asking, are you buying a car? I feel like that's a big question. I've gotten, you've probably gotten because people know that we lived in New York and they know that I also had a 2003-nees on Exeterra. And so, yeah, we're going to buy cars. I'm going to do a whole thing with you tomorrow about this. Okay.

I'm really excited. I haven't started looking yet, but I'm probably just going to like it online and be like, just send it. I know what I want. Yeah, you know what you want, but I have a whole, but I need help. I need a lot of help. I'm getting a lot of help. Here's the thing. You've got to be careful who you ask because you put it in the box.

I'm really excited to talk to you about this next week. So just put it back in the box and we'll do a whole thing. Okay, I'm putting this bag of the box. All right, guys, we're going to get into this topic. We have two juicy things to discuss today that are trending in the dating world. Okay. So we're going to start with secret girlfriends. and then we're going to talk about a dating term that we have coined ourselves.

We've just been seeing some interesting behavior lately. I do think that we are dating with more intentionality in the world. I think it's positive in general, but I've seen a pattern of this thing that keeps happening to me here. And I kind of want to unpack it with you and this thing happened with you. And I'm just very curious about this behavior from the male sex. Yeah. I just ordered a book called How to Date Men when you hate men. Please tell me.

I know. I got to read that. The author is Blythe Roberson. It's funny, Kelly, my good friend Kelly, who's also been on the show, she just saw someone reading it, like on the train or something. She's like, I think you need this book. And I was like, I've never seen a better title for a book. To read in public? Well, to read in public, yes, but also just like, like, how do you do it? It's just tough. I think it's tough. And I think that, you know, I have my own life experiences and yours and I listen to shows like you up. And I listen to our friends' podcasts and all of our friends date. I feel like I hear one terrible story after the next, and you're just like, it can't all be bad, right?

Like, there are people that we know that I remind myself, like, I was with two of our friends this weekend that are great couples. And, like, they inspire me. And I'm like, okay, real love does exist and great men do exist. But it's hard to kind of keep your head up when this, like, keeps happening. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I feel like I've been a little beaten down by what's been happening in L.A.

I haven't tried really hard to date in L.A., so I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that I'm, like, hitting the app. going out trying to meet single guys, but I just have this thing that keeps happening and I keep finding out about secret girlfriends. Okay, well, tell us about it. Basically, what has been happening is different than somebody that's like trying to hide their girlfriend outright.

I just keep having situation after situation with guys that are like texting me, flirting, inviting me to do stuff, like stuff that feels like what you would do with a romantic partner, like farmer's market on the weekends or drinks on a Friday night, people that are leaning in and touching me and flirting with me while we're talking. And then if you ask them point blank, are you dating somebody?

They're like, yeah, I'm girlfriend. Well, yeah, that's one case. But then another one, you just, he never brought it up, right? You found out, like, at a social, in a social situation. Yes. So multiple people here, basically, like, the girlfriends weren't on social media for whatever reason. But yes, as soon as I asked, they were, like, very forthcoming with it, but I still don't.

I do think that people are allowed to have friends. And I think you're allowed to have female friends. We'll talk about it. It's not like I'm saying every guy that texts you to hang out that has a girlfriend that hasn't brought it up immediately. So presumptuously is a cheating piece of shit. It just keeps happening to me. So I'm just like it feels like it's being hidden. So, yes, I had a situation a couple weeks ago where somebody, I did not feel like it was a romantic situation between the two of us, but we have looked up before.

And so he invited me to come to this thing. And I got there. So he invited me and I actually didn't respond. and then he doubled down and invited me again and was like, you gotta come, it's so fun, whatever. And then I texted in the day of and he was like, it's great, just get here. And I walked in and met his girlfriend.

And it was really uncomfortable for me. And I sort of struggle with whether or not he should have told me that because I kept thinking, like, in the reverse, what I have said to him, hey, my boyfriend's gonna be here. Because I don't know if I would have. Well, I know.

That's the thing, too. You also don't love the person who immediately tells you there with somebody because you're like, relax. I'm not hitting on you. You know, so this is just us having a conversation about something that's happening in our lives, not so much like categorizing people and saying that their behavior is so terrible. It's just an interesting thing.

And I think that some people are just more private, for sure, and we even know comics who, you know, who also are kind of famous, you know, who have wives or girlfriends that they don't ever post and things like that. And again, there's just different circumstances for all these things. we have said that we want to be more private, at least publicly on social media. Why I'm not dropping the name of that gallery because I don't want you guys to find that guy

when he was my boyfriend. But I can't relate to being private in talking to people and friends. You know, like if I'm dating somebody, you're probably going to hear about it. Just like you hear about the stuff that I do with you, you know, and just what it is. You know, like I'm not saying that on this girl.

It's like my boyfriend, you know, like every chance I get. But it comes up. So social media feels different than in real life, not the social media is not real life, but you know, when you're actually out with people socially communicating with them face to face. So I think that some people are more private, but I think a lot of it is underlying guys wanting to keep their options open and they want to weigh their options and they don't want to limit their options and on top of that they like

the attention. Yeah. So three of these situations when I did ask, do you have a girlfriend, they said yes and they said it's new. So they followed up. I'm just saying it's a pattern. Yeah. Like, I have a girlfriend, but it's new. Why did, I don't know why you needed to tell me that. You have a girlfriend. You're letting me know it's new so that I know there's a chance you're not going to be together. Right. And this keeps happening to me where I'm having these long conversations with people, one hour plus, I would say, that it has not come up that there's a person in your life at all. And I was at one of these guys's houses before I even told me about this. But multiple these guys, like one of them, I sat in a bar next to him for probably an hour while we

flirted and he touched me and it never came up for one second that there is a person in his life. And I think it's odd behavior. Yeah, which is so funny because there's nothing wrong with dating someone casually and wanting to keep your options open at all, you know? Like, we're all here trying to find a person who we match well with. So there's nothing wrong with being like, this person's fine for now. I like them. But, you know, I still want to see what else is out there. Of course, it's wrong if you're misleading them and you're giving them false hope for whatever reason. So it's not that, but it's that if there's a guy, for example,

that's being super flirty with you and being really touchy and making plans and doing this stuff, because he thinks that he might want to date you if this doesn't work out, you're getting a red flag by him keeping this person he's dating secret. So you're just kind of fucking yourself, if that's your plan. You know, like that's,

That's what's kind of interesting. Like he'd be so much better off being open about the fact that he's seen somebody and he's not sure where it's going to go and then still kind of being flirty with you as opposed to it feel like you're hiding something. Yeah. Because when I have to ask you point blank, are you dating somebody? It feels kind of icky that I've had to now pull this information out of you. And with new people, I understand that they don't need to like be like, I have a girlfriend because

that feels presumptuous. Yes. But if somebody is flirting with you in a way that you're just like, I wouldn't like it that my man was doing this. I wouldn't appreciate it that my boyfriend was sitting at a bar touching some girl's leg and, like, touching her arm every once in a while. Every person is entitled to go sit at a dark bar and hang out and flirt a little bit. It's not like the end of the world.

But like, I don't know, the body language and the touching. I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't appreciate it. I would be like, I don't know why you needed to be sitting like that. Right. And be interacting with somebody physically like that. You also just feel kind of dumb. I mean, not you, but anybody.

And you've said that this was just bummed you out because you're like, oh, I was reading this all wrong. Right. And I can't stress enough that this is just us discussing this because I don't really know what's right and wrong. You know, I think that women probably tend to just bring up their partners who they're dating more in general a little bit more. Naturally, you know, I think that you could definitely have a guy who's like, I don't know,

it just didn't come up. And he really is, that's really how he feels. And then, of course, you got guys on the other spectrum that are like, my wife, they can't say it quick enough. When Matt and I were at the Super Bowl, we sat next to. these two former pro athletes, one winner of multiple Super Bowls, and Matt was just freaking out. I mean, I'm talking like less than this amount of space between us, like a foot between the tables, like just at a random breakfast place, Matt's big breakfast in Phoenix.

And it was very clear that the one guy, the more famous athlete of the two, wanted to say my wife, quick. And I'm like, it's like, because of me or it was just funny. Like he kind of said something about my wife is from wherever. And my Matt was like, my wife's from there too, actually. but it was just, you know, sometimes it can feel misplaced. And that's why I'm like, you know, I don't want to be like, don't do this and don't do this and only do this. I'm just kind of sharing my thoughts on it, you know.

It just, it does make me feel a little stupid. I do think, of course, L.A. is the peak of, you know, everybody's keeping their options open type of places. Yeah. We've always said, like, everybody will tell you their city is the hardest to date in and there's like a specific reason why all of them are hard to date. And I do think probably L.A. is very much like people are opportunistic. they want to get from you what they can. I think that you and I have a big platform. So if somebody can get something from that,

why wouldn't they try a little bit? And then also just keeping your options open sexually, of course. And so if it is especially a newer relationship, I understand people being like, let me just keep these options on. But that's not fair either because if you have a girlfriend, a girlfriend, not somebody I'm seeing, somebody I've put a label on it. You've had this discussion.

You've like said something to indicate to this person that I'm no longer interested in other people. So it feels unfair. And like one of these guys was like really like inviting me to do all this stuff. And it like, I thought he was into me. He invited me over at his house. He invited me after drinks on a Friday night. He didn't try to fuck me.

But it didn't feel like somebody that had a girlfriend. Yeah, like it was shocking. And that's the thing. We are just noticing this trending in the dating landscape. And it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't sit right. And so we talk about it because we want to relate to other women who may be dealing with this as well.

is Rain and I are rational. We're, you know, in our 30s. Like, we've been out here doing this for a while. We're not the kind of women that you guys know if you listen to this podcast that are like, he should have told me. And someone's like, I don't know, really? Like, these situations feel kind of egregious.

Yes. Where you feel like you're blindsided by this information because someone is coming across so single, so flirty. Yes. Like, they are like full court press trying to date you. And then they're like, yeah, totally I have a girlfriend. You're like, what the fuck? Right.

I want to remind to something you said also, which is that like it becomes a red flag. If that person he ever wanted to be into you. Yeah, yeah. I feel like because of this podcast, because of you guys, because of you, Ashley, because of our guests. Like, I'm almost like too good at writing people off sometimes when I see that behavior where I'm just like, I don't want it. I'm just, I'm all set. And there's like no, I would have a hard time like resetting from it and being like, okay, well, I met this person under this circumstances where they were coming on to me. and they were in a committed relationship.

So is this exactly what you're going to do to me? Of course it is. And so I write it off immediately. And I would have a really hard time if any of these people had said to me like, I'd stop seeing this girl and I would like to, you know, give it a go out on a date with you. I would be like, but we met under these pretenses that were false. Yeah. We met in a dating app, by the way.

I'm rational. But like it would just give me pause and just be like, well, you are going to do this to me. Yeah. Obviously. Yeah, and I definitely am sympathetic to someone just being in a relationship where they have some uncertainty. They're not sure where it's going. All these situations that we're talking about, you've named two, but there's been more. They just keep coming up as of late.

Again, this could be very like L.A. Like, everybody is opportunistic and trying to keep their options open, even when they're making plans. That's a vibe that you get to. I don't love it. But I'd love to talk to the person on the other side because that's so telling. You know, like, is this casual or is the woman on the other side, like, oh, we're very serious. You know, we're planning a life together. You know what I mean?

Like, I've just, there's two sides to every story. So I think that there can certainly be, you know, guys, because we're kind of talking about this is like a male behavior that we've been noticing where they don't really know where it's going. So they don't want to bring it up. Like, not necessarily because they're trying to fuck you too or keep their options open. They just don't know where it's going. and it almost feels like something they don't want to bring up like it's official or, you know what I mean? I don't know. It sounds to me, like if a guy says to you, they have a girlfriend that the girlfriend has brought up the DTR, she has asked for this conversation.

She knows exactly where she thinks this is going. And this did happen also the other night. I talked to this guy at this bar the other night for an hour and his girlfriend also didn't come up. And then I asked him point, like, are you seeing anybody? And he was like, yeah, I don't know. It's not like a girl. I don't know what to call it. And you and I said to him, like, how long?

has it been? And he was like since September. It's March. Yeah. Who do you think you're kind of seeing somebody? That's your girlfriend. Yeah. I like that meme. It's like you don't ask guys with they're single. You ask them, is there somebody out there that thinks you're their boyfriend? Yeah. Like I wonder if that girl thinks that's their boyfriend. I talked to this guy for an hour. It never came up. Yeah. Yeah. It keeps happening, you guys, to me, secret girlfriends. Secret girlfriends. I don't know what to make of it. I don't think that anybody goes into these situations being like, I'm going to dupe her. She's a hot 22-year-old model. I just got to fuck her. I don't know. It does make me feel a little disheartened. It certainly doesn't make me

want to stop dating because I'm not actively trying to date the way I would say people are when they're like on the apps going out there putting themselves out there. But this like keeps happening. And when it happened at this party where I met that guy's girlfriend, I was like, I am so done with this for a minute. That was like really a kick in the gut. Yeah. There's a couple that we know, actually that they're great, you know, and we're close with them. But I was friends with him first, and I felt like he was leaving her out of the conversation. I kind of thought he was single or just hooking up with her. And unbeknownst to me, they were really getting pretty close. And then they went like official kind of public, Instagram official, I guess. And then I feel like you started

bringing her up more. So that could be it too. You're waiting until it's official. But that's why I'm saying, like, I want to know the ins and outs of the other side and how the, other partner perceives their relationship. It probably just, I think, takes some people, mostly men, longer to get there. So, like, women, like, meet somebody and they're like, I see a future here. I want to settle down, at least park my car

in this spot for a little while. I want to see where this can go. I don't need to be, like, dating and fucking all these different people. I just want to see, like, how this parking spot is. And I think that they decide on you. And I think that maybe it just takes, I'm not a male apologist, but, like, maybe it takes people that are, like, in this phase, like, a little longer to, like, decide

upon it and talk about it as if it's like a real thing and bring it up a lot. But I don't know. To know that somebody has somebody in their life for five months plus and they're not talking about that person, it feels that it has purposely been left out of the conversation. Yeah. I mean, and I think that like exceptions to every rule, but probably 80% of these, and I'm sure if we talk to like Jared or whoever would be like they're keeping their options open. Of course they are. That's what it is. I mean, you and I have a bunch of friends, like you said in comedy, that like don't post their wives and their girlfriends, but I can't get through a 30-second conversation with them without

them bringing it up. We know all of them. We've met all them. Like, it would be odd for them to not bring them up. Like, that's different. Hiding somebody on social media is not the same to me. Of course. Yeah. Hiding it in public when you're talking to somebody. So, yeah. If you want to hide somebody on social media, I get it because I feel like that. I want to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So let's move on. We're going full story. We're reading all the messages. We're doing the full thing. I'm at this guy Ryan and he lives in New York, but he messaged me right out of the gate. Hey, Ashley. I said, hi, back, whatever. I'm actually coming out west soon. So he's scouting for girls in L.A., right? Whatever. We're in the end of campus. We get scouting. We get scouting. You know, you back and forth,

New York, L.A., whatever. We're still going back to New York. So I asked what's bringing you out here, yada, yada, and talking about moving here and whatnot. And then I had said that I had moved here like a month ago and I said, I already have to go back to New York for something next week. And he said, well, let me know if you do end up coming. And then he said, do you want to move to text? And I said, sure. And I gave my number. He actually sent me the message, you would move to text while we were out of show. I like said it a lot on stage. Because I think that's cute. Like, I like the way, I like saying it that way, do you want to move to text, you know? So we start texting and I said, I was en route to New York. So right after like the Denver show. And he was like, oh, well, I'm in

New York. And I said, what part of a city do you live in? He told me. He said, where are you staying? I said, I'll be in the East Village. And then he said something kind of weird. He goes, oh, fun, out of friends. What? Out of friends? What do you? What? What kind of question is that? Do you want me to give, like, commentary? Sure. Yeah, go for it. Okay, when you first sent this to me, I wanted to be kind about it. And I was like, okay, he's just asking questions. Maybe he, like, doesn't know what to say. Yeah, yeah. It feels a little overly personal.

It's giving me a bit of a weird vibe. But sure. But that was... I'm not a friend. But I'm an adult. I'm in a hotel. I'm not a couch surfing. Also, let's drop this.

Like, what do you care? What business are your business? So I go at a hotel. And then I'm just like, I don't need to go back and forth about logistics. Like, I just was like, no, I'm at a hotel. And then I said, I may have some free time tomorrow if you want to grab a drink. I'm just like, I only had one. one night. We got there on a Sunday from Denver, and then Monday night I did have some free time,

and then we left on Tuesday. So that was the only time, right? So I'm just like- Yeah, but I don't think it's even pushing. People ask us all the time how I get off the dating apps. It's like you just hit a sentence. Oh yeah. I'm just saying like I was, yeah, of course I was like I'm just going to put it out there. He writes back, cool. Let me check my schedule. Which I thought was so weird. You have your schedule. It's on your phone. It's tomorrow. It's not next week. It's not even four days from now. It's, you know your schedule. It's Sunday. I know what I'm doing tomorrow.

You know your schedule for tomorrow. And just check it and then text me. Don't say let me check my schedule. Also, that was like an hour later. You know what I'm like? And then, which hotel? None of your business. None of your business.

You're a strange man. I mean, yeah, I've looked you up on LinkedIn. You're pretty successful. You went to Ivy League school. I'm sure you're not. I absolutely want to tell somebody at a hotel I'm staying. And that's crazy. None of your business.

It's none of your fucking business. It's none of your fucking business. It's not your business with a friend I'm staying with Eater. It's weird. So already, I was asking these logistical questions. So I didn't answer that. Don't answer questions you don't want to, ladies. I'm just going to pretend that didn't happen. So then I said, sounds good. Let me know. As in let me know about Monday. What are we, did you check your schedule? Or did you just try to find out what hotel I'm at? You know, I do hate what human business too. And people are like, let me check on that. I'm like, just check on it. Just check on it.

Don't tell me. It's like, I have unsubscribe from this. You don't have to email me that I've unsubscribed. Like, I've asked you to check on it. Just check. I don't need the extra communication. That's so true. Like when I hit stop on a text and they send me a text, you've been unsubscribed. I know. That's how it's supposed to happen. You don't need to tell me you're checking your schedule. That's the step you're supposed to do.

Okay. So then, of all the things, this kind of got overlooked, but we did run this by Jared, which, spoiler alert, but we'll get to it. He did write woohoo. Why woohoo? On the I say, sounds good. Let me know. Woohoo, no. And I was like, Ashley, stop, let it go.

Because we did look at his LinkedIn and it was really good. Yeah. And I was like, this is the kind of guy I should date. It's not weird. So I'm going to ignore some of these orange flags. But it was starting to give me the ick. It was starting to give me the ick. I was trying to be nice about it.

I really, you and I both are just like people are people. They're human. I don't know. Fucking whatever. Totally, totally. Yes, exactly. At this age, I can't be running people off for a woohoo. But orange flag.

Okay. So he said, how long are you here for? More with the questions. I said, I leave Tuesday. He said, oh, wow, short, smiley face. What? I said, yeah, it was last minute short trip for some work stuff. And then, of course, what do you do for work?

Nope. At this point, I've asked you what you're doing tomorrow. Just let me know. You can cover all of this. Right. What's work? That was a Sunday evening. I didn't get back to him until Monday the next day. Like, I was, like, kind of annoyed. And I'm like, this quote unquote invitation that I presented is expiring. And you should have answered it. And now it's the day of the proposed date. I'm just over this. And I'm getting the ick. Right. So Monday, like 1 p.m. We did the Today show. That's when we did that. I said, sorry, crazy morning. I work in media. That's let's let's. leave it at that. You might have caught me on the Today Show this morning. Yeah. I'm busy too. Let me check my schedule. Right. Right. So then he writes, Jared hated this.

Oh, got it. Everything okay? What? I don't know. You told everything okay. On the list of people that I would contact if something was not okay, you're not on it. And I said, sorry, crazy morning. We all know what that means. New Yorkers, busy people, people who run businesses, everybody knows that means.

It just means I was busy. It doesn't mean anybody in my family died. Everything okay, I go, yeah, totally. Okay, cool, what are you doing media? The audacity to like ignore me putting myself out there and just continuing to ask me questions, like, again, you may think this is egregious or not, whatever. I was just over it. I'm like, nope, nope. So I could feel that he was buying time, but I couldn't quite figure out why.

Like I couldn't quite figure out like, why hasn't he answered me? me about this date that I have proposed my availability. He says, check my schedule. And then he continues to pre-interview me. Ultimately, turned off, but let's ask Jared. So we texted Jared. Well, right now, maybe you do too, but I always start my text with, hello, Lord. Of course, me too. I say, hi, hi, Lord. Hi, yeah. I say, hello, Lord. I send him the exchanges. And I said, I met this guy in Raya. He asked for my number, says he's coming to L.A. soon, but I told him I was headed to NYC. And the vibe I got was that he wanted to go out. Here's the exchanges. And I said, and I feel like now this is a pre-interview and he hasn't gotten back to me about his schedule and it's giving me the ick.

I am not worried about this stranger, but I find it interesting. We wanted to see what you thought. He writes immediately, my biggest issue is woo-hoo. He said, what the hell is that? I said, yeah, it's awful. He said he's in New York. I said, yeah. He said, here it is. He said he's buying time. He doesn't want to plan date. He wants to come to L.A. and go out there so he can leave. He can't leave home. It's never going to be a date here. Fun happens on the road. Business happens at home. And Jared continues. He said, so he's running out the clock until you leave so that he has you as an option when he's in L.A. He's very obviously avoiding a plan. Yeah.

And I said, yes, I was definitely getting a buying time vibe, but the whole thing made me lose interest or whatever. I'm glad I asked you, thank you. And then he said, yeah, I get that. Woohoo is when I got soft. Did I see something funny? I was really tired that day. So, no, you mean, you came up with the whole term. Thank you.

So also the Jared continues. He goes, also the everything okay is insane. It's literally insane to me. Like, I would never type that to it for everything okay. Jared, and that feels manipulative too. Like, let me feign some sort of concern. You know what I'm saying? It's manufactured familiarity.

That's what these people do. Same exact thing, which is the same thing in different terms. Absolutely. And I love that Jared validates this. This is the same thing as when those guys kept showing us my comedy shows. And I was like, am I overreacting? And he's like, no. Like, he's like, that everything okay was crazy.

It really was. He knows what he's doing. And so we were like, ha ha ha ha. So anyway, Rayna and I kind of discussed this, and you called it filibustering. So when you feel like someone is just filibustering, which if you guys don't know what filibustering, I just wanted to say that it's an action such as a prolonged speech that obstructs progress in a legislative assembly while not technically contravening the required procedure. So if you don't know this, like on the floor of Congress in order to not make a decision,

somebody can just stand there and they can read the Bible to filibuster this. And all of these things, by the way, this is a date filibuster. the secret girlfriend stuff that those guys are hanging out with me, it's a relationship filibuster. I don't like it. When he started messaging you, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that like he's just being a nice person. He just wants to get to know you. Maybe he's just kind of a nerd.

Yes. Yep, that too. That felt like it could be just nerdy. Yeah. Betting somebody a little bit. We were on the Jubymore show. Matthew Hussie was talking about how like he goes on 30, used to, he's engaged now, go on 30 minute coffee dates with people so that he kind of just like gets it out of the

way. that he doesn't want to date somebody. It could be all those things, but this was an exploding offer. You said I'm only in town right now. So it does take a little bit more attention. Like, I do need an answer right now. And I've put myself out there and you're being rude to me. It's rude and it's disrespectful of my time.

Yes, like you said, I put myself out there. Also, by the way, like, I just want to clarify that this was on Raya and my Instagram handle is in my bio. And again, like, that's just kind of what they have you do on Raya. I don't know how much I love it, but everybody does it. And so if you're really like, I got to know what a woman does for work before I go out with her because I work in this type of business and she could be trying to just get at me for my money or whatever.

I'm just saying, like, if you really are hammering me about what I do and that's something that you really want to know, predate, which I don't know why you would, you could have already checked that. You know, like, you're not, I've been educated. You know you can check my Instagram handle and see exactly what I do. He may have already done that. And he may have just been asking questions because he's filibustering. But I also just want to say that this exchange, this person means nothing to me.

He's a stranger. we're reading this to kind of explain the bigger picture and why people do this. And when you're feeling like they're doing it, what it means and why, as explained by Jared. Yeah, you're also just not crazy. You know, Jared's taught me everything. I don't know. I remember I'm saying, I think, on our show that we have to, really one of our, maybe our first episodes of him, like, we have to stop pretending that social media doesn't mean anything.

And I was like, oh, yeah, like, we should stop pretending that these things don't mean anything. Not everything is this egregious horrible thing or they're trying to dupe you. but like these things do mean something. And if you're like, I put myself out there, ask this guy for a plan, and now he's like asking me all these questions and he's like sidestepping whether or not

he can see me tomorrow. It is purposeful. It's on purpose. If you're a smart person, you know that's exactly what's going on. And not just tomorrow, now we're the day of. Like, is everything okay? What do you do for work?

Tell me more about what you do for work was on Monday, where now I feel, I don't feel stupid or silly. Come on, this is like a fucking weirdo stranger. But like, I'm valid. that you feel a little like, what is going on here? And I wouldn't deal with this with the girlfriend. If I asked a girlfriend, hey, do you want to get drinks tomorrow? And she said, let me check my schedule and then just start to ask me about our work,

Azul, all these things. I'd be like, hey, girl, what's up? Are you getting those drinks? What do you do it? I wouldn't do it from somebody that I'm close with. I'm definitely not doing it with somebody that's just trying to fuck me. Just make a plan and then disrespect me, okay? Right.

Afterwards. Oh, so I wrote a couple notes about this, but ultimately, you are a stranger. also I'm a stranger. So I'm not really expecting to be prioritized. We're all busy. I can see a world in which you and I are super busy. Someone is like, hey, I might be able to grab drinks tomorrow. And I'm like, shit, I don't know.

Am I going to be done in time? But I'm keeping them in the loop. And I'm sure as hell not just asking them questions about their life. That's the difference. You know, like you don't have to put up with this behavior. And you also can. Like, if I just kind of kept this going, which he did keep it going, I'll read that. But like, I could have been like, this guy doesn't know me.

you know, maybe I'll just let him kind of filibuster this and maybe eventually meet up and then I'll dazzle him in person. I'm not doing that. That's not my personality type. But sometimes these things can feel a little whack early on. But to me, this is a person that's doing some weird manipulative stuff and they're not intentional. So I'm out. It feels intentional that he's not being intentional about it. Yeah. You're completely right, by the way. Like you and I just get so busy, especially we're on the road. And somebody will be trying to see me and be nice to me and asking me questions. And I just am not responding, but I'm not making plans with them and leaving them hanging. I'm not. I'm not. not leading them to believe I'm interested in seeing them and then just ghosting out of the interaction. I'm a really busy person, so I need my time respected. I'm not going to disrespect somebody else's time. Yeah. It's a crazy way to act. And then the kicker was, again, he said, what do you do in media? And I just stopped responding. We were busy. Like, whatever, I'm not doing this anymore. I don't want to. I don't have to. I'm not going to say, hey, about tonight, that's crazy. That's crazy. Again, if you felt like you wanted to, you would be in the right to do so. at 10 p.m. that night, hey, which in my head, and we've ran that by Jared too, the date window

is closed at 10. We're not in our 20s. We're not going out at 10. It was a Monday night. Like 10 to me feels like there was no way I could have been like, oh, hey, do you still want to grab a drink? Even 9 could have been in New York. Ten, the window of the date is closed. We're done. He knows I leave on Tuesday. And the time has run out and he has avoided the date. And so we just thought it would be funny to the next morning. I didn't respond that night. The next morning at like 10 in the morning. I just wrote, hey, exclamation point, just mirrored what he said.

I could have just left it also. And then later that day afternoon, he wrote, did you leave NYC? And I never responded. I hate that behavior too. I hate this, like, let's continue this. I mean, I also, you know me. I have no interest in like letting anybody know anything about my life or our life after you've behaved like this. Like, I don't really want to tell somebody that much about our life to begin with.

And I definitely am not going to do it after I have made a plan. You've sidestepped the plan. I also don't like this either. I don't like when somebody does something to me that just conventionally is rude and they don't acknowledge it and they try to have this like light-hearted interaction with me without just acknowledging like, hey, I'm sorry to get back to you. It's really rude. And I don't need it.

I have enough friends and family. I'm busy enough. I don't like it. I think that people do this a lot where they kind of like wait you out a little bit and then they just like change the subject or the interaction. And it's like, I'm still stuck on the last interaction, so apologize to me for it. Well, yes. And again, I can't stress it enough.

Like, there are so many nights and days where you and I are so busy and then going out with a stranger is not, I may not want to do that tomorrow, but I'm absolutely not leaving someone hanging. You know, I'd be honest and transparent. Like, you know, tomorrow's a crazy day. I would love to make this work, but I'm going to have to kind of be a little last minute with it and totally understand if that's not cool with you. Maybe not in so many words.

But it is disrespectful, and this is a 41, 42-year-old man. You know, there really is no excuse. You know how to communicate. I know what you do for work. Like, you know better. This is not a college kid that's like, oh, shit, I might be busy, but I don't know how to tell her that. So I'm just going to keep her talking to me. It's not that.

It's exactly what Jared said. And I love him putting these things into perspective because we often feel like, am I overreacting? Or is this weird, bad behavior? And I like that he's like, yeah, this is why. Just so you know, you can keep rolling with it. You can do this back and forth as long as you want, but here's the reason. So you don't feel like, am I crazy?

Yeah. I mean, it was intentional. That's why you texted you at 10 p.m. 10 p.m. is the exact time that I am not going to ask you, but even like hop down the street in the East Village with me. New York's so easy. I mean, like, literally is 100 bars on my street. I could pop out.

Even at 9.30, I'd be like, I'll go have two drinks to make a home with somebody. 10 o'clock of my, I've washed my makeup. Well, and 10 is also the time where you can, again, if you're someone that's got to wake up super early, you, you know, have, you run a business, whatever you got going on where you can say, I'm, I got to get to bed early and you won't be judged. Like, if it was 10 and I said, oh, hey, you want to grab that drink? He could easily be like, I got to wake up so early. But at 9, you sound like a fucking dork. Yeah. Listen, going to bed at 9 is fine. Get your sleep. Raina does. 9.45. I'm like half joking, but like, it feels like you don't feel like a dork.

Yeah, but I'm not telling a new guy. I got a bet at 945. Like, I'm not telling a new guy. But at 10, I think it's totally fine. The bachelor's over. It's 10. 10's the time. I just want to like, I like the, like, if you feel like it's weird in these situations,

it is, if you feel like somebody's like filibustering and like dating you or letting you know they're in a relationship because all of these things are just people keeping their options open. And yes, yes, yes. That's all it. Yes. Good tie-in from the previous topic. Thank you so much.

If somebody's making you feel like an option, it's because you are. And that's fine, too, we're all out there trying to date. I just don't want to feel as though somebody has lied to me or sidesteps something I've asked them to do. It just really common decency. I have a really open mind about everything because I feel like I've seen so many things over the years. I'm just like, I don't know. It didn't matter. It's not a big deal.

We're all human. We're all doing our fucking best. But like, if somebody's disrespecting you, it's probably on purpose, something like this, you know? Yeah. I mean, I think that we all know men. woman, whatever, on these apps, that it takes courage to put yourself out there. You know, it's harder for some people. I didn't have to summon the courage to send a like, hey, I might have some time tomorrow for a drink. Like, it comes easily to me. It not doesn't come a lot easier

to some other people. People could feel some anxiety. But we all know that those things take a little bit of leap of faith to put yourself out there to say, I want to get a drink. Even though we're on a dating app, that's what we're supposed to be doing. So when you do that and someone just, again, And like you said sidesteps, it just says the thing, oh, let me check my schedule and then doesn't ever circle back to it. It is disrespectful and rude. And so do you want to be with that person? Also, someone that says, woohoo.

That's the most egregious of all the things. Look, when I was sitting there, I was like, is everything okay? What? What are you talking about? I don't know you. That's the funniest thing. Like, it's just manufactured familiarity. Like, it's somebody just being like, we know each other, right?

We've been texting all day. It's also like, I just can't get over like, sorry crazy morning. That's, it means busy. You know it does. I didn't go to a funeral. I didn't say, sorry, tragedy struck this morning. Mom died. I actually am really glad that you said it's not easy for everybody to send those messages.

I think it is like nothing for you and me. Like, we were in the car on the way back from the airport. We had this like fun couple days ahead of us. And you just shot off that message. But it isn't easy for everybody. And like, for me to keep talking to these guys and like Florida with them, for me to have to say to people like, do you have a girlfriend? and after I've, like, really enjoyed somebody's company and I'm flirting with them, and it's, like, really fun.

I think that we're going to, like, have plans for them to be, like, yeah, I'm a girlfriend. Like, it makes me feel embarrassed and stupid that I've had to ask this question. And then I have to, like, act like I wasn't into this the whole time and, like, backpedal. And now I'm, like, having to ask questions about the girlfriend. Like, I'm so chill about it. Like, oh, cool, like, where she lived? I mean, yeah. I hate it.

And, like, the least egregious of all those was meeting that guy's girlfriend at his house because I don't know that I would have told him that I had a boyfriend. I don't know that I would have been like, just a heads up if you're coming over. My boyfriend's going to be there. Because he's not somebody I had like a serious relationship with. I didn't love the interaction, but it wasn't the end of the world. All these other guys, though, I felt like a little embarrassed. Yeah. Because it felt like the vibe was like we're into each other.

And then I've had to ask this. And now I have to like change my tone, my demeanor. I have to back up. It's like a record screech. Yes, exactly. Right. Like you lured me in to flirt with you. And now I have to walk it back.

Yeah. You know, like I'm touching your leg too. And now you've got a girlfriend? Yes. I'm not touching people's legs and I'm a girlfriend. I'm not. I'm like, I would never. And one of these guys, I was at his house.

I'm in his kitchen asking him, does he have a girl? I'm not going to drive my ass back home from Bel Air. It sucks. Yeah. You know what else I want to say about the riot text exchange is that there's such a world in which someone's like, hey, I might be free tomorrow if you want to grab a drink. And you say, cool, let me check, which I would never, I would check and then report back. But you could say, let me see, I might have a crazy day tomorrow.

and then you drop off because life gets in the way. The crazy part was all the questions about my life. You know what I mean? So that's the thing. That guy did not get busy. That's why it's intentional. Yes. That guy that I ghosted and I had to like follow up a bunch of times.

I really liked him and I was talking to him and it was fine. And then I just got busy and I stopped responding. And for people who may not remember the story because it took me a minute to realize who she was talking about. Raina was basically texting with this guy, flirty. She had met him in person and then just you ghosted because we got busy and you had to kind of tried to get back in there. Yeah, and I had to apologize for it. Yep, yep.

And say, like, yeah, that wasn't, like, the best behavior. And he was, like, really kind and gracious about it. But, like, I would never strike up a conversation without acknowledging that I had done that previously, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Because it just felt mean and weird that I did it in the first place. But I also didn't, like, ghost out of interaction with him and then keep asking him

about his fucking life. Well, now I feel like I'm getting more and more mad. And I don't care. Again, this is a stranger. He's not for me. He gives me the ick. But I put myself out there and then you, it's 10 o'clock at night and you haven't even said, I'm so sorry, work got in the way.

Like, it's, it's so crazy. It's all this really weird, purposeful behavior. I think there's 8 billion people in this world. And if you're not going to just act decent to me in the first couple interactions, then I'll just go find one of the other 8 billion. I'm fine doing that. Like, I just, I don't need to like let you go back out with me because I'm not that desperate for somebody to buy me a drink and pay attention to me.

All right, live your best life. We're tying it back in. All these callbacks on callbacks. Yeah. Yeah, go on a girl's trip, go the Super Bowl. Stay on the Today Show. Follow your dreams. It has been like a wild month.

All right. Well, we hope you guys enjoyed this episode. And again, we just want to validate you if you feel like you are coming across secret girlfriends or you're getting filibustered. And let us know. If you have a story, we'd love to hear it, of course, You guys can always send us stories at Stories at Girls Got Eat.com. And also that's the email address to use for roasts and single guys and whoever you're coming to the show with and stories for the live shows as well.

So anything that we have coming up city-wise, just send that and put the name of the city in the subject line. And the next coming weeks, we have some really fun episodes coming up. I'm really excited. This is kind of a lighter topic. But we're going to talk about some trauma next week. And Ray has been booking some incredible guests. And we're just glad you guys are here. Yeah, we are.

And I want to say another one of our guests, Vanessa Marin, reached out to me. She released a new book and it debuted on the New York Times bestseller list. And she was like, I'm on the top 10 bestseller list with Jay Shetty. And she was like, this is like the magic touch of girls got to eat. And I was like, our audience is just great. And all we have to do is introduce them to amazing people. And like they will buy their books, listen to their podcasts and their shows. And so anybody that we bring on this show, we're just so honored that you love them and you want to buy their books and support their shows.

And listen to our show first. But we just think you're the best audience in the world. And so does all of our guests as well. And you can get everything you need about Girls Got to Eat at Girls Gottoeat.com, tour tickets, merchandise, list of all the episodes we've ever done. You can search there. Follow us at Girls' Got to Eat podcast. I am Ash Hess.

Raina is Raina.org. And of course, Vibes Only, which we didn't really talk about today, but we have so much fun stuff going on with Vibes Only with all of our sex toys and the app and the new long-distance lover feature, which we talked about last week. You can go to Vivesonly.com, Vibes Only on Instagram, and subscribe on YouTube. share with a friend, and have a great week. Have a great week, guys. Bye.