Girls Gotta Eat - WE WERE ON A BREAK!

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Yes, we're diving into the infamous, most confusing, frustrating, grayest area of a relationship: Taking a break. We discuss if/when it's a good idea, setting boundaries, managing expectations, how to act on the receiving end of the "I just need some space" statement, how it can make or break a long-term relationship, the type of guy to stop taking breaks with, and more. We're also catching up on Rayna's new crushes-from-afar and Ashley's mice/vibrator drama, and bringing back one of our favorite segments...Fuck My Phone. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merchandise. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Nutrafol: Get 20% off at nutrafol.com with code GGE. Daily Harvest: Get $25 off your first box at dailyharvest.com with code GGE. Billie: Go to mybillie.com/gge to get your starter kit for $9 + free shipping. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I always think of your quote, but I can never get it right. What is the thing that you say? Is it like a pet? The phone me wants? Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Week 9. Listen, this is the only time I take showers and put on makeup. So just so you guys know.

Yeah. I love the number 9. Not in this context, but you know, here we are. Who thought we would get to week 9? I pose this thing on Instagram and I was just like, I said all the things that I've been missing. And Kate Kennedy wrote, I'm tearing up at sharing fries for the table because that was one of the things. And I was like, yeah, I fully sobbed while talking about getting a freshly waxed badge.

I just shaved my bee crack in the shower like five minutes. I am not going back there. It's like a forest. See, I worry about it letting it be a forest. I also feel like it's like this self-fulfilling prophecy. You think it's going to be hairy. So you shave it, but then it becomes hairier. Like, I don't, I feel like before I started shaving it, like, it never was hairy.

And now, like, why am I talking about this? Just so you know, while we're recording, my whole body is smooth. All my hair is naturally blonde. I showered. And I did a smoky eye for you. Wow. Living our best life. I am like, I used to be like, oh my God, it's so funny, this full bush.

And now I'm just like angry. I can't even look at it. Like, I hate it so much. It is so out of control. And then there's these girls that are waxing and sugaring at home. And I'm like, okay, so there's two types of women during the quarantine. And I am on the weaker side. I didn't see it coming.

I am weaker. They are bad bitches. If you're at home, removing hair from your pussy, you're a bad bitch. No other information needed. This girl said she spread her legs and did it in front of the mirror and it took two hours. I was like, girl, how you know how to know that? I couldn't watch that. It's like when you go to the doctor and they're like, we're going to put the needle on.

And I'm like, don't even tell me. I don't want to fucking know. Just do it. So, I mean, shout out to those girls. I, like, mad respect. I wish I was as strong as you. If no one's seeing it. I wish I had your strength.

I mean, the second a, the second my bikini wax salon opens in New York, I'm going back. I thought about driving to Atlanta. Are you going to give them like a courtesy shape up before you go in there? Yeah, yeah. Are you going full bunch? Because they would have to anyway. So I would trim, trim it. Do you use scissors?

Hedge clippers. Hedge clippers. You lay down and you have your dad just roll over with the mom. You got to use a lawnmower, for sure. Your dad likes that. He puts the hat on. He is the lawnmower that says bad boy. He'll do wheelies over your vagina.

He's like, just get him to the blade. Ashley. This is the job for the bad boy. That's what my dad's lawnmower is called. The bad boy. I know. We are really digging deep for content. No, I know.

everybody's wanting an update on my bush. Because I've been thinking about like if I go back to New York and you know, it feels safe to fuck somebody, but it, the salon isn't open. I can't, nobody can see this. I mean,

you can't find my clip. So it's like pointless. God, I need sex so bad. I haven't had sex in like six weeks. I am on like the edge of my saying. I don't know why it's so bad because I'm not, I'm certainly gone longer than six weeks without having sex.

I don't know why I'm like, I think, I mean, I think for me, it's like just the intimacy in general. Like I'm just, I'm quarantined alone. I'm not alone all day every second of every day. I go outside. But like I think the intimacy of just like being next to a person, kissing a person, holding someone's hand. I think that like that's what I really miss. And then the sex that comes with it, obviously. I've been getting really inappropriate

lately with just a lot of things. I just. Well, also it's like you're, we're used to male interaction, flirting. You know what I mean? Like it's right. It's all gone. So it's, it's, it's the whole package. It's like, think of how many guys you sexually harass on every time we go on tour. You know, like, you haven't even been able to do that. So you haven't been able to have any of that male interaction. So I think it's just like, of course, it's making you hornier and all of us.

Thank you for seeing me. That is totally right. I have not been able to sexually harass any men. One of the stand when I was just like hitting on every dude there, I went home. I like, I didn't know who to masturbate to first. Yes. And now I'm like scraping the bottom. Okay, listen, I'm going to tell you guys what's going on in my love life.

What are you guys tagged me in this account? I think it's called like cute guys with plants or hot boys with plants or some shit. And there's one guy. I was like, okay, I'll lean in. Fine. So there's just one guy on the account that's like, I don't know, six with five, shaved head, facial hair covered in tattoos, which is like the recipe for like getting me to fuck you. Like that's my type of guy.

And he's like, and he's holding a plant. And I sent it to Ashley. I found this guy. Ashley asked me no questions at all. I said, this is my new boyfriend. Zero. It's the first time ever in the history of our friendship. You just know how did you find this person that lives in Australia?

Like, what do you? First of all, I know you so well. I just assume you found him creepily on the internet. Like, what other question is there? I know you didn't meet him, bitch. We've been in quarantine. So of course, I knew that all you were doing was creeping around on Instagram and found him. And that is the answer. I am right, as always. There's only one way you could have found him.

You act like I didn't ask you how you met somebody in the wild. You just wrote, you, what did you write? All the things? All your things. That's your type. Yeah. I was like, this is a perfect match for you. And then you were like, I think he masturbates to the plants. Or, no, you were like, I think he fucks those plants. I was like, he's real into those plants. You know, you see somebody you're like, you're a little too creepy with like your dog, you know, or your brother. He's like that. But I, it's so funny because you took so much offense to me not asking how what you met this guy that you're stalking on Instagram. You just found him. You're a creep. I thought you were mad at me. I like spread the next 20 minutes.

I was like, what did I start cataloging the whole day? I was reading back through our text. I was like, did I say something to offend her? Like what happened? And since then, I've been stalking him on my Finsta and I've been watching his Instagram stories. It's all plants. It's just all, and today I heard his voice for the first time because he was talking to the frogs in his, with his plants. And I don't know.

It's an Australian voice. I realized, I was telling you the last three guys I slept with were either from Australia or lived there. But then I realized the last five guys, four of them are from Australia. One of them lived there. Only one of the last five people in, I've slept with five people this year. Only one of them has not lived in Australia or from Australia. What? Isn't that crazy?

It is crazy. Yeah. Well, that's the last, you know, the last three people I've slept with were all 26. They were all in their mid-20s. You're killing it. So, yeah. That is very, that's very interesting. And weren't they, like, mostly even from the same city or they lived in the same city?

Two of them are from the exact same city, which is Perth, which is not like the main cities in Australia. It's on the more northern West Coast. Two of them are from Perth. One of them lived in Perth. That's crazy. That pussy loves Perth. And then this guy is from Perth.

This guy lives in Perth. The plant guy. That is really your time. I'm fucked up. So whatever. Okay. Tall, hot tattooed guys. That's my thing. From Australia. That's my type. Yeah. And we have a I don't want to give it away, but we have a male guest. coming up that we are so excited about, probably going to be next week at this point.

We're moving some things around, but it'll be within the next couple weeks. And because of the nature of his work, Rayna wanted to call him and vet him to make sure he was up to par for this podcast, you know, premium content. And that he was like, you know, eloquent enough. And he would be a good person to interview. And I just, I can't, it's my favorite thing.

It's the hardest you made me laugh all week. Is that you obviously, yeah, I mean, I was sitting there my mom being like, Rain is texting with this guy. I mean, I don't want to give it away because I really am like so amped up and I want to be this kind of like surprise element when we have this guy on because it's something different for us that we've never done. But like, of course you're texting, flirting with him post-call. I mean, it escalated so quickly into sex territory.

It like, like, it was still daylight out. Like we got off the phone and like the other than it was like off the phone. Yeah, I masturbated to him last night and this morning. I yeah, it escalated like immediately. Like after I got the phone, I went out for a walk. I was listening to another podcast that he was on. And he was like, what did you learn today? And I was like, oh my God, this is so hot.

Well, we probably won't say this on his intro because, you know, he'll listen. But like you guys call for you to, for you to pre-interview our guest for our job. You guys talked about what, come and NPR. So that's your soulmate. What he said to me was I said, how did you find? the show. He was recommended to us by somebody else. And he said, oh, a girlfriend of mine really likes your show and she was telling me about you guys.

And she told me that you love Come. And I just figured you brought Come up because you're such a creep and you love to make people uncomfortable. He said, I heard you love Come. Yeah. You had a work call with somebody. And he said, I heard you love Come. In what other world?

That was before the NPR talk. Like, we decided after that to like segue into something more PG and I was like it really took me off like off like by surprise it like caught me off guard and I was like oh and he was like I'm so sorry did I make it awkward and I was like no this is a super normal thing to say to a stranger oh my god I love that I love that I know that now I didn't know I you know I should ask how that conversation start and I just assumed it again again you just asked no follow questions I was like she's mad at me yeah but you talk about come with everybody I just assumed you brought it up well I have to tell you I screenshot that conversation to like

eight different people. No one asked. Not one person said to me, how did you guys get down the come road? No one. It was an eight minute phone call. Because people know you, Rayna. You're acting like people don't have an interest in you. It's just that we know you so well. I'm flattered that I'm so many close relationships with people. You're right though. Like I said it to like the girl that's our manager. She had no questions. I said it's a family, a family friend. No one had a question. That's great. Well, speaking of that, you said that you were worried you would ask sent it to him, which is a teaser for the game that we're going to do at the end of this episode, which is fuck my phone, which honestly, I again have to give credit to one of our listeners.

She slid to my DMs and was like, can you guys bring back but fuck my phone? And I was like, yeah, fuck yes. Like at this point, we've done so many segments. I can't remember them all sometimes. And I'm so glad she brought that to my attention because it is truly one of my favorites. Like you said, it's bulletproof. It's like everything that people submit is funny in some way. They're not a worthy to read out on the podcast.

But even the bad stuff. Even the bad ones are funny. Even like the boring like ones that we'll see 10 times in a row are still so great. And then today we're talking about going on a break. So we'll get into that shortly. And announcements just the same. Yeah, just the same live shows move to the fall. If anything changes, we'll let you guys know.

Of course, we're just obeying what Live Nation and the CDC and everybody, all the venues say to us. So we'll let you guys know if anything changes on that front. everything's on our website. All the information is there. Merch should be soon. We're really redoing the website and some new offerings. So we'll have some new stuff. And gifts are coming, probably within the week. Yes, she just email us. We have new gifts. We have to be applied. The way the gifts works is you apply for a branded account. So as soon as that gets approved, we will have gifts. Yeah. So obviously we'll announce all that on Instagram. We're so excited.

We've seen them all there. They are so far. There's pictures. There's the gifts of us, gifts of our sayings. So I can't wait. I'm excited. Well, yeah, you seem like you're okay. You're in good, okay spirits. Yeah, I will say that last week was probably the worst week of all this for me. I was really down.

I was down for like an extended period of time, like probably like five days. I just felt like really, really depressed. And I realize that like it's sort of like a cyclical thing. I start to get upset and then I distance myself from other people. And I think that the thing that makes me upset is feeling distanced from other people. So this week I just made a more concerned effort to like be joking. around more, talking to more people. I haven't drank the last three nights, which I just, my anxiety was really bad and I was

really bloated. And so I haven't drank in three days. Don't call me a hero. But I haven't. Yeah, that's where I'm at. Let's do a wellness check on you. Well, are you going to talk about the test? Yeah, I'll talk about the test.

I just let you guys know, I took, I got the antibody test. I went to city MD. Just people ask me why I took it if I haven't been feeling. sick, but I'm in New York. The probability that I'd gotten it had been asymptomatic was pretty high. So I went, I walked in, it was super easy, went on a weekday

morning, I was in that 15 minutes, you take two tests, you take a nasal swab, which is so terrible. They stick that so far in your nose. Stop, stop, stop. Oh my God, oh my God. They make you sit on your hands while they do it because, like, your survival instinct is to rip that shit out of your face.

So that's to test if you have it currently, and then the blood test, tests if you had it previously. But the key to figuring out this virus and how to fix it is figuring out who has the antibodies, how does it work, how long is the age system, et cetera. So it's great for research purposes, even if it's negative. And I got my tests back. I guess a test negative on both fronts. So it did not.

I don't have it and I haven't had it. The visit was free. The lab test is $55 for me. But I didn't use insurance. I just paid for it. So that's it. really easy. People should be getting tested. It helps us to figure out this virus and figure out a cure. Yeah. And it's not, it's not like you were like, you know, getting any sort of special

treatment or it's not like there was like a line of sick people. Like you just walked right in, you know. Absolutely. It's on the corner. It's all over New York City. I'm sure that there's city MDs and other cities too. But yeah, I did not take a test away from somebody who wanted a test. Right. Okay. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people ask me about going back to New York at this. I think it, you know, can always change at this moment. I am planning on going back some time in June. So that's really what I'm thinking. I mean, I said I, as soon as things start to open up, I want to go back. But at this point, I just, you know, I missed my apartment and, you know, like we could record in person and I could see you. That's the plan now. So we'll see. Raina said,

if I come back, she will wax my vagina. That's how desperate she is. I told Ashley she could fuck my dad. I don't care. I just want her to come back. So, I mean, I think, you know, I think a lot of what I've seen not across New York, not the majority of people, but I've seen some things that have upset me. I've seen some parks that were too crowded for my liking. And I think that's dangerous. And, you know, I clearly judge people that are on top of each other in the park. But, you know, people are outside. They're walking around. You know, I don't think it's a, if I went to Newark, I'd be, you know, secluded in my apartment. You're not, you're certainly not. So I love the city and we'll see.

I hope you come back. It's touchy. I got to be sensitive about this kind of stuff. Because everybody's on a different page right now. People are, I've seen people just say fuck it. And I mean, people that are, you know, in less affected areas. But I mean, people are, some people are still responsibly quarantining with one person or by themselves and they haven't seen anybody and they're taking every single measure and other people aren't. And, you know, I still think we should all err on the of safety and responsibility. Yeah, I think we and I are being responsible. And I mean, in case you guys are wondering what it's like in New York, I take a walk every

morning and every evening and I feel really safe. I do wear a face mask. They've asked you were face masks in public. So I do wear one in public. If I go in anywhere, touch anything, I wear gloves, and I wash my hands. And I've been fine. So I don't feel unsafe. I feel fine.

I'm happy to be in my space. Yeah. And I got to get out of the trap house that I live in. and I say trap house because there's mouse traps all over that shit. And there is a mice problem. And I have, I posted on my Instagram, you guys were super invested. I'm pretty, I do mouse content really strong. I got to say.

I have a highlight on my story from another incident. What does you do? When people say like, what did you learn during quarantine, Ashley crush his mouth content? I already knew that though, like Vermin. That's my specialty. Oh. Because the other highlight on there for my old apartment from the original house studio, I had a whole incident.

So, you know, I stay in this really old farmhouse. You know, it's just like there's mice. Allegedly, once it gets a little warmer, the snakes will eat the mice. I can't talk about it. But like, there is people that live on farms and not even live on farms. People have issues of mice. And I know people, some people think it's inhumane. It's not.

You have to kill them or they will take over. They can chew up wires. Your house can catch on fire. They will just, they, you can't just like humanely put them outside. It's just not a thing. So my dad can attest to that living on farms like his entire life. So there's traps in the house and every day my dad has to go get them and what I experience and I'm not crazy.

Like some people can't, some people couldn't live in that house knowing that there's mice and some people can't even see a mice. Yeah. And it's no shade. I just am like kind of chill about it. So I had hamsters growing up, you know, like I don't really mind them that much rats, different story. But mice, I hate it.

But it's like I can live in a house that can coexist with them knowing that there's like trap set. So I was like in the hanging out like working or reading the other like a week ago. And I saw a mouse just run across the floor. And I'm like, oh, for fuck's sake. And I looked, I know where the traps are. I looked behind the couch and there was a dead one in the trap. So I'm like, oh my God.

So this mouse can't get in the trap because his friend's in the trap. So now I have a dead one in the trap and there's one running around and I have to go to sleep. My dad was asleep. I called my mom. She's like, your dad's asleep. He can't do anything. I just go to sleep like that, knowing that this mouse is just running around. So the next day, I would have come back to New York.

I know. That's what I'm saying. So I come back to my parents the next day. And I wasn't even telling my dad. Like I thought I heard a little screeching sound in my bedroom. But I was like, I could be exaggerate. I really don't think they're upstairs, like whatever. But I said it in passing to my mom, like kind of just to make her laugh.

I was like, I think there was one in my bedroom. And I didn't even say like to my dad to like go set a trap or whatever. I just was telling my mom that I thought I heard a sound in my bedroom. I guess my dad overheard it. And you know, he's so overzealous. about this stuff. So he went into the house and put a mouse trap in my bedroom. And my dad doesn't go in my bedroom. He never has

before. My vibrator is right out next to the loop. There was a mouse. He went and he snuck in there. I just left it out. Giant pink vibrator sitting next to lube and some tissues. And he went in there and set a mousetrap. I couldn't even provide this up. Has this gone? I just, no, but I'm also like he might not have seen it. No, he's not going to bring it up.

We don't talk about this. I talk about with you guys on the podcast. So I'm like, oh my God, I can't even believe this. My head is spinning. I'm like, if you saw it, I'm so mortified. I love the lobe is the shocking part. It's not the vibe. Because not everybody masturbates with lube.

I never even thought to masturbate a lube until you brought it up. I never once occurred to me. So it might be, he's like, is Ashley bringing dudes here? I just put a little dollop on the tip. I don't like squirt a bunch of lube all of myself when I've solo masturbate. So, but then just to bring it all full circle, I maybe like the next night, Matt was here. My brother was here. And I went upstairs in the bedroom and there was a mouse in the trap.

And I like lost my mind. I called Matt. He came over and got it. It was like a whole thing. So it has been quite a wild ride with the mice. Rat Central. And people like, why can't you put a cat in the house? And I'm like, because Dewey can't be around the cats because he'll kill the cat.

We have a whole situation here. We have so many cats. We have cats. We have three indoor cats and two outdoor cats. I would love to just set one of them loose in the house and take care of business, but we can't because Dewey can't be around the cats. I'm coming to you. I'm going to come back. I'm going to get in the morning.

I know. I know. I don't know how you're spending another day there. I would have been out. I mean, I'm like, Tara. I'm more afraid of mice than anything else. You are? You could open a cage with a snake in the middle of this apartment.

I'd be like, whatever. Nuh. Yeah. They don't bother me. rats are the most terrifying thing in the world. If I saw a rat in here, I would move. But rats are different to all of them. I don't want it.

Is that for me? First of all, yeah, guys, I'm not living in a house, but there's a bunch of mice. I mean, it's like, they just are there. My dad has filled some holes since, and we haven't actually, I hadn't seen one in a few days, but it was like he was, you know, it was a thing. They're so small. Like, in comparison, the mice in that house in comparison to a New York City rat, I bet a New York City rat is 10 times.

size. I'm not kidding. They're teeny, tiny little field mice. Yeah. But if I saw a New York City rat in my home, I would move literally anywhere. Florida, where is that? I would, I could not live. I would never shake it. The PTSD would get the best of me. Me too. I would feel it in my bed every night. I like might have to move international. Like that's how sad. But you don't care. Rana, you don't care about snakes? Oh my God, snakes. I can't live.

No, I don't care. No, I don't care. It's not like my dream. But like, if, like, if I was on fear factor, it would be rats more than snakes. Oh, my God. 100 times more. My dad is like a crippling fear of snakes.

He's so big. He could just fight the snake. There's something about them too. Like, you know, like, it's crazy to me that people love snakes and keep them as pets and stuff. Like, that's how much I am scared of them and despise them. Oh, I would never keep it as a pet.

That's fucking gross. I mean, whatever. I don't even have a dog as a pet. So I'm not an animal person. Okay. I just, I'm a city gal. I'm not out of here camping. I don't like animals or bugs or mice or nothing.

I don't like any of it. Okay. Bugs. Don't get me fucking started. If there was one small bug in my home, I feel personally violated. I do. Oh, okay. It's gross. Yeah. But yeah, so that's just how I'm living on the farm.

Come back. My crocs. All right. Well, that's pretty much it for my update. Oh, TV, I don't really have any changes from last week. Still doing Dead to me, season two. Anything new for you? You did Michelle Obama. I watched the Michelle Obama doc.

It's called Becoming. It's on Netflix. I thought it was phenomenal. I thought it was really well done. I think it's just like a really interesting portrait of somebody. I mean, I always thought that she was phenomenal, but a major theme of it is just that she's like this obscure, no-name politician's wife that's all of a sudden. You're the most famous person in the world all of a sudden. And like, how do you deal with that type of fame where every single thing that you like say, wear, do is scrutinized. So I thought it was really beautiful and a beautiful portrait of her life.

So definitely worth watching. It's about an hour and a half. Easy watch. I am really excited about this episode and I wanted to tell people sort of like what inspired this. So I was, we're talking about taking a break, taking a step back and all the nuances of the rules and the parameters and things like that. So a very good friend of mine was dealing with this with his girlfriend and she wanted to basically take a step back. And he was asking me all these questions and like I realized I didn't have a lot of answers for him and I don't usually run into

that where I was just like, I don't, I'm not sure what the answer is. Like she was like firing all these reasons at him and I was like, this sounds like a breakup. But she's telling you she wants to take a step back. And she gave him like 10 different irrefutable reasons for why. And she wasn't setting up any parameters. And so I asked you what I thought, what you thought we should do because we should do. We should craft what our joint message should be to him. A counseling team. But I really, I realized, first of all, I've never taken a break from a sit-damp being another. So I didn't have any like real world experience. And I just didn't really know what I thought of it. So you had really great advice. And I just started thinking about like what is the best,

method. And of course, everything we told him, everything we jointly told him together. Hold on once. I'm so sorry. What? Do you want to say that to Raina? Hi, Matt. Sorry, he just came up because he had to take Reggie to the vet. No, I'm happy. How long have you? Like an hour. Oh, I'm trying out. What is it? Aw. Thank you. Well, I want to talk to you about Reggie, but I'll give you a call later. Sorry, we're just in the middle of this. I didn't know you were doing here. Oh, yeah. Okay. Thank you. Love you. Okay. Bye. Sorry, do you remember what you were saying? Yeah, yeah, totally. So I asked you what we should do how to craft our joint response to this.

I think that you are like more of a, you get to the tough love version of things quicker than I do, where you're just like, this is the reality of things, you know? And I think that he really needed to hear that in this instance. And I gave him all of our joint co-signed information. He did none of it. And now they're broken up. So, well, and I also had such a hot take on this. And I said that he is a good looking, successful white male who has been able to get whatever he has wanted in his life by working hard and

trying at it. And, you know, white privilege too. Whatever. I'm just saying, yeah, he has not yet experienced something where he couldn't get what he wanted by just like putting in the work and just like trying to convince somebody. Like he in, I don't want to. call him out too much. His line of work is convincing people with arguments. You know what I mean? Like, that's what he does. He works in law. He's a professional prostitute. He, his whole, this is a thing that a lot of times guys can't grasp. And, you know,

just to even talk about his though, like his to me was a breakup. And I, towards the end of me and you discussing his situation, I started to fault her a little bit for not being honest with him. Because she wanted to break up with him. And she kept blowing him off and giving him hope and male or female, be honest with somebody. It's so not cool to string somebody along because you don't have the balls to break up with them. Yep. And he kept saying, well, what if this?

Why did she do? And it's like, no one, breakups are never fun. There's no good way to do it. You almost never walk away from a breakup feeling really positive and like you've been heard and seen. But I think that like the best thing you can do is be honest because you're not doing yourself any favors by lying to your partner either. And that's not fair. She's strong him along for a long time. For minute one, I said this sounds like she wants to break up with you. And then she refused

to set any parameters. And it made him fucking crazy like it would make anybody crazy because everybody deserves to be heard. So, you know, I mean, Ashley and I's advice always is have the conversation even though it sucks. Yeah. And I mean, we were going to kind of do this in the opposite way, but we can kind of just start here in situations like this. Because I think we have a little bit less to say because we're going to tackle like you're together you want to be together you want to stay together you're ross and rachel you want to take a break we're going to get into that and that's going to be the uh bulk of the conversation but something like what he went through you know if i could get inside her head or or someone similar perhaps she didn't want to break up perhaps

whatever was happening was just a little much and now we have corona it has changed everything too but I think sometimes people, they like you, they don't want to break up with you. They just have to get some space for whatever reason. Maybe they feel a little smothered. Maybe they're trying to figure out their own commitment issues, like whatever reason it is. They're unsure about the relationship, but they just need to take a little bit of space from it to see if it's what they want. And in that case, the only option he had was to leave her alone.

You know, like if you're dating somebody that is a little more on the newer side, you haven't been together for years, this isn't your serious, committed long-term person that you guys are discussing the future, like you're still in that three-to-six-month area or even one to three months. And they say they just want to take a step back and they need a little space. The only thing you can do is give them space. Like he only had one way to salvage that relationship and it was to leave her alone and he did it. And I think it's so hard. It's so much easier said than done. But if someone is telling you, look, I'm not trying to break up with you. I just need a little space. I got to figure my shit out. Leave them alone. You know, like that's all you can do.

Yes. And I think that sometimes that's all that we need. First of what we can get into like why you ask for these things. And you should evaluate what do you, what do I need in this situation? If you ask somebody for to take a step back and what you generally just need is like, especially during coronavirus, is just you need to self-heal. you need to deal with whatever emotions you're dealing with right now. If that's really what you need is just some space,

then I think about all these situations I had in these like one to two, one to two month relationships where I just felt like I was a little smothered. I needed to take care of me a little bit. Every person that I asked for space has never given it to me, and I'm not with any of those people anymore. And I think that like in the very beginning, if you just say to somebody, I need you to have space,

which like what I'm asking you for is to have a little self-control and just back off a little bit. And I'm not saying that's easy. That's a hard thing. You like somebody. You want to play with them. You want to laugh with them. You want to have sex with them.

but like if I ask for it, you have to do it because there's no quicker way to like make me find you unattractive. I mean, you said it the best way. You were like you're becoming like needy, desperate guy. Yep, absolutely. But also I just want to say that if someone wants to take a break with you and you don't want that and that's not what a healthy relationship looks like to you, you don't have to. You can say, no, that's not going to work for me. I want somebody who is 100% sure about me right now and always. So if this is the case, then we should probably break up. live your truth. But I do think it can be healthy in some instances. And also, I don't think you should afford breaks and spaces to people over and over and over. But I think everybody gets a chance to

figure out what they want because they might figure out that they don't want to be with you or you might figure out you don't want to be with them or they might figure out they do want to be with you. Like it just can't hurt. You know, I had a situation with a guy a while back casually dating. if we had kind of a what is this where what's going on here, conversation on a Thursday. The message I got from him was, I don't know what I want. I'm confused.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. You know, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, okay, well, you know, I want somebody that's excited about me and likes me. And, you know, I wish you the best of luck trying to figure this out, whether it's with me or not. And I mean, of course, sure enough, he texted me the next day, the day after that, the day after that.

And I just, you know, responded, politely, not immediately and just politely, I didn't ask him anything. I wanted to give him space. It seemed to me like that's what he needed. And he came around Monday and was like, I want to date you. That is really an example of a brand new relationship. But what I did was what you should do and just leave the person alone. This is not your serious boyfriend that you've been with for years or a year or whatever. This isn't somebody that you're like, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. This is that newer side where things are a little unsure. And if someone tells you they just need a space to figure their shit out or figure out where it's going, like I think as a rule, you can't wait around forever. We all get

impatient, but I think anybody should be able to manage three days. I think start there. I want to say a week. I want to say five days, but let's just start with three because when you are talking to someone every single day, you're texting with them every single day. You're sending memes. You're doing whatever. Three days feels like a lot. But if you can do it, it is a significant amount of space to not talk to somebody and let them mull this shit over. So let's just start there. I think that this advice, probably, like, all the advice we give is probably some of the hardest to take.

Like, it's the easiest to give and the hardest to take. Because in your mind, you're like, I miss this person and I want to text them. And this is all I'm thinking about. It's making me sick. It's making me fucking crazy. I think the way to fix that feeling is to set parameters. And we'll talk about that. But, like, I think that, you know, you decide I'm not going to talk to you for three

days and you stick to it other than, you know, are they going to text me? Should I text them? Should I send the email? Blah, blah, blah, blah. but I think people's greatest fear and what this guy expressed to me I hate to keep harping on him but whatever he's like one of my best friends

he expressed to me that like he was worried that if they like took a step back and they weren't talking like he said like what if she doesn't miss me or like what does she forgets about the good stuff and what if she meets another person and I think that like again this is like some harsh advice to take

but like if somebody doesn't miss you then they did not want to be with you and not at all like when I am not with my partner like I miss them. I want to text them. Every time something funny happens, I want to tell them. What something bad happens? I want to tell them. You know? And if you don't feel that way, then that person doesn't want to be with you. And that's the harsh truth, but that is the truth. Yeah. And the only way to potentially salvage something that is salvageable is to leave them alone and try to make them miss you. Like, what he did was so opposite. But I think, I think you guys.

got to get this three days under your belt, then be like, okay, maybe I can go to four. Maybe I can go to five. And personally, I think if you've been dating somebody, you have gotten close with them, you've had sex, they should reach out within that five to seven day mark. And if they don't, I start to wonder if it was a breakup. And like the let's take a break, let's take a step back was just the gateway to a breakup. And they just couldn't tell you that. Because you get that space you needed to figure your shit out.

You know, it shouldn't, it shouldn't be weak. you know and I think people always want it they want to get wrapped up in this like well can I date again can I sleep with somebody else and it's like afford somebody a couple days to not to to just think things over I think because I don't I don't love the idea of a situation and what someone's like hey this is moving fast for me can I just get can I take a breather for it's not going to be forever but can I take a couple days to think through what I want and think through this you don't want to be like well can I fuck somebody you know like give them a couple days to just love. let it breathe. Yeah. And I think that I have a different answer for that in a long-term relationship. Long-term. Absolutely. Short-term, you just, you know, I don't even know.

You don't need to bring that up. I think you should just be assumed if I've asked you to take a step back for a couple of days that like, I don't know. I don't know that you're like out fucking other people. I don't know. I don't know what that conversation looks like. But I think that like I have a pretty definitive feeling about a long-term relationship versus like, hey, let's just get some space.

Let me just. Yeah. And it's like, and I think if someone asks for the break, someone asks, someone asks to quote unquote take a step back or they ask for space, I think they still owe you a little bit of an explanation. And I think you're welcome to be like, okay, well, do you mind me asking? Like, do you, is this because you would like to see other people? Are you still wanting you and I to work out and you just have to figure out what you want?

Because I worry sometimes, I don't want to give bad advice to some guy that's like, hey, can we take a break just so we can go fuck some other girl. You know what I mean? So I think you owe somebody an explanation. And for me, it was in the situation I said where it was like a guy kind of told me this on a Thursday. And by Monday he had come back around to me, I got a vibe for it. I got the feeling that he didn't know if he wanted to date somebody. He didn't know if he wanted to have to prioritize somebody in his life. He liked me, but he wasn't sure if it was enough, which I'm not saying

that I knew exactly how I felt about him either. And I, my vibe was not that he needed to go fuck another girl. It was like, can I just think about this for a couple days? And I was like, yeah, I'll leave you alone. Yeah. I think that none of us are perfect humans, but in my ideal scenario, if I'm the person asking for the break, I think that number one, you have to be very clear about why you want this. So, you know, if the answer is I want to fuck other people, if the answer is like I need to work on myself, then maybe you do just want to break up and not be together. You know, if the answer is like we're fighting all the time and I just need to take a step back or like if I just need

to think through some things. I think that that's fair. I think you need to show up to the conversation in all fairness with a real reason and a real goal. And then you have to set the parameters. I think the person that asks for this has to, in fairness, give the person the parameters of what this is going to look like. Because like you said, like not being given those parameters is like not fair. It's not fair. But I also think sometimes you get a you get in a situation where someone is a little

confused. They're trying to deal with their own shit. Things are going crazy at work or whatever like with their family. And they don't necessarily know. And I think that's when I just. use this three-day role of like let them figure it out. But then you are absolutely allowed and justified in being like, are you planning on seeing other people while we're on this break? Right. Like as opposed, it just feels less aggressive. It's like, well, can I date? It's like,

why not put it on them? Like, why not let some time go by? They've gotten some space and you guys are having a conversation again about what's going on. I think then you are more than justified and asking, are you wanting to see other people while we are on this break? Yeah. And you do the same. Nobody's going to say, yeah, I am, but you can. That's crazy. Or break up with that person.

That's a crazy person. But like, let them lead, you know, and then you act accordingly, I think. Or say, I got asked on a date and I'm considering going. How does that make you feel? Or you can say, I need 24 hours. Like, not everything is an exploding argument. You know, I sometimes, like, I strike while the iron's hot sometimes. And sometimes, like, I need to actually take to somebody.

brings this on you and it's out of nowhere. You are well within your right to say, I want to think about this for a minute. I need to take a pause. And like, I don't do that very often and it would really help me to be better. But I did a lot, a lot of reading about this particular topic because I've never gone through this. And there are so many experts and psychologists and psychiatrists and they all gave totally different answers about whether this is a good idea, when you should do it, how you should ask for it. Everybody's answer about should you sleep with somebody else was the same. and it basically was like, first of all, it's the hardest question to tackle, but you have to have it.

Because, like, if one person does it and the other isn't, it's, like, the hardest thing to come back from. Because, like, then you bring in all these issues of, like, lying and jealousy. And, like, are you really going to be able to be with your partner if they slept with somebody else during this time period? Like, every psychologist I read said, like, most couples are afraid of this conversation. They don't have it. One person does it.

And then, like, what does that feel like, you know? And are you allowed to talk about that when you guys get back to like I don't like I think I'd almost like rather not know but like I have a friend that got back together with somebody and she asked you know and he told her but like I don't know that I would have that conversation so that stuff is really really tough well and that's that's the Ross and Rachel thing that's the whole we were on a break was that he slept with somebody you know that's the how it all went down and we we see it all the time you know and I think more often than not and at least in our experiences because we have so many girlfriends is that a girl took a break and the guy slept with somebody else and she didn't. And she just, you know, had him on her mind. She wanted to be back together. And then you got a real situation on your hands. Yeah.

So I would define that stuff. I think it's the, I can't even imagine how awkward it is. And like also if somebody said to me, I want to break up and I am going to see other people, my first thought would be like, are you breaking up with me because you want to sleep with other people? Is that the root of this?

Because like, then maybe we shouldn't be. Then maybe this should be a breakup. up. If like at the root of this, you just don't want to be responsible for another person's feelings and their emotions and you feel like having sex with everybody else. And that doesn't make you the devil, but not telling me makes you the fucking devil. And you got to tell me. Right. Absolutely. And for safety too. Like if you guys were not using protection and, you know, then you then your being your health is being put in danger. I just think like the low level stuff like the the feels like it's moving fast. I need to figure out what this is going. I think. like let somebody take some space and then you can have that conversation about what you're looking for and what they're looking for because sometimes people don't have those conversations and I was in a situation where the guy where like he just assumed that I would want to be boyfriend girlfriend because probably every other girl he dated prior to me wanted to be boyfriend girlfriend and I did it and I feel like once I express that to him he was like oh wait a minute I'm like no I'm not

this I'm not looking for this long term committed thing either I'm just having fun but I do want you to meet me halfway and I do want to keep spending time with you and seeing where this is going. And I'm not sleeping with anybody else, you know, but I think sometimes guys and girls can get in their head of like, this is moving too fast for me. I don't want this. I got burned in my last relationship or I have commitment issues or this and that and they just need a little bit of space. And like it's the only thing you can do is just give it to them.

And what is sexier? What is sexier than saying to somebody I need space and they give it to you and you're like, this person is fine without me. This person can exist and then you feel less pressure. You feel like they don't need me all the time. Like, that is so sexy to me. Yeah. And I think it looks different for everybody what a break looks like, but I will say this across the board.

If you are in a break situation with somebody, whether it's your person you've been dating for three months or the person you've been with for five years, do not sleep with them during the break as a rule. If I can offer, don't, we're going to get into communication. This isn't, don't talk to them ever. Do not sleep with them. You cannot sleep with them. I agree. Poseine. Every therapist says that. We're all in agreement on that. Every therapist I read about, I mean, there was a lot of split ideas about how much communication.

I wrote down some stuff about like avoidant and anxious attachment styles. I want to read to you. But everybody across the board, it just blurs the lines. I mean, when you have that kind of sexual intimacy, of course, it feels good. It's fun. It's enjoyable. It really draws you back in. It draws you back for the wrong reason. So I agree with you. And like whatever withholding sex gets you what you want. Not all the time, but like it can only benefit you. I'm not saying uses sex as a weapon, but like don't have sex with somebody that you're on a break with. Right. Especially somebody who like with a man, a man has said to you, I want to take a step back. And what he means is like I'm not sure I want to commit to you.

And you're going to give him sex. You're going to let that guy come inside of your body even though he was like, I'm not sure about you. No. Nothing will make you less attractive. Trust me. Okay. Yeah. Just play hard to get. It's human nature. We want things we can't have. Try to help you manipulate men. That's what we're always trying to do. That's our end goal. I'm excited to talk about like you're in a serious relationship. Should you take a break? And I'm excited to hear because you and I've talked about this so much this week. I think like the main question is like, is this a good idea? Does it ever work? And I'm excited to like, how. I'm excited to like, you talk about like your feelings and your thoughts on it. I mean, I'm always excited to hear that, but I think that like if done for the right reasons and done the right respectable way as much as you can, I do think this can be a really good thing for not every relationship, but some. So I'm curious, like, what do you think about? Like, is this ever a good idea? Yes or no. You know, like we're all so different, how we operate in relationships are different.

So I think it can work for some people and it won't work for others. You can talk. to plenty of couples that took a break and they think it's a great idea and they recommend it to everybody. You know what I mean? And then you can talk to people that have the stance that no, a break is a breakup and you guys are broken up, whatever. Also, on that note, we're not going to get into this today. So many couples I've seen have had full-blown breakups and gotten back together and they get married or they're together forever. So that's a whole other topic of like breaking up and getting back together. We're not going to get into it today. But I just have to go on record is like, yeah, sometimes this works. Sometimes it's healthy. Sometimes it's great.

I wrote a definition down that I loved. This is from a therapist. Her name's Bianca Rodriguez. I read this in an article. She's a licensed marriage and family therapist. The definition of taking a break usually means that a couple has made a conscious decision to change their relationship status to create space to re-evaluate it. And I love that.

I think what it means is like what we're doing right now isn't working. Let's shift this and see if we can get it to work. Yeah. I mean, I think. that like the idea is like I love the idea of a break is I love this person let me figure some shit out. Hopefully we can get back together. If you're being honest

with yourself and your partner. I mean if you want to break up with somebody you should break up with somebody. It's not fair and I know these conversations suck but just do it. But I think that you really can learn a lot about yourself and I think there's a million reasons to do it. I think you should evaluate before you take a break like could this be helped with therapy. Is this something that can be

fixed? Is this a temporary situation? Is this a long term thing. Are these really just my deal breakers and I'm never going to get over them? You know, so I think there's a lot of reasons, but I think in a positive note, sometimes it's just like you feel like I don't feel good about myself and I need a little bit of space to rediscover my hobbies, reconnect with friends, reconnect with family and I'll feel like a better partner if I get to do those things, but I don't want to be responsible for somebody else's feelings in the meantime. So like I think that those are like noble and honest ways to feel.

Yeah. And I mean, my experience. with a past partner of mine was that we super loved each other. We really wanted to make it work. There was a lot of good stuff there, but we just couldn't stop fighting. Like it was super volatile. There were so many issues we had. And I would actually say we broke up. It's kind of gray. I say we broke up. But then there was like, then we were like get back together. But then were we on a break? Whatever. It was a big mess. But what we did was essentially. essentially this, we were two people that loved each other that wanted to be with each other, but couldn't make it work. And I think you see that a lot. And those people have got to sit down and discuss with each other that they have the same end goal, which is to be together in a healthy

relationship. Right. So that is what we wanted more than anything at that time. And so first, make sure we're on the same page here. If you're in a committed relationship where you're you love somebody, you should be able to say those things to each other. You know, I think it gets a little messy when one person's like, well, yeah, I do love you, but I'd love to go on a few dates with somebody else. I don't know. And that's a whole different animal. And I think then you have to decide if that's okay with you.

And I think that then you decided to break up and you go live your life and see what happens too. But if you really are like, we're not going to date other people. We just got to figure our shit out. Maybe there's therapy involved. It's this conversation about wanting the same thing at the, the end of it all and defining those boundaries. And I think a lot of people do this because they enter, they do enter into therapy or one person goes into therapy or one or both parties are doing

something therapeutic to figure their shit out with the end goal of being back together. So I think it's not sexy, but like the boundaries have to be pretty clearly defined. And a lot of therapists do recommend that there is communication throughout this. No sex. But communication. So the other person knows that you're still in it, which is it weekly? Is it a weekly check-in? Is it, is it that you meet up and meet up with the counselor if you guys are doing couples therapy? But communication with boundaries is typically recommended for these types of breaks. And I think you both should discuss what it looks like lengthwise. I've read various things. I read something that said three months is pretty standard to me that can feel like a lifetime, you know,

but if the long-term goal is that you get married and spend the rest of your life together, it's really not. So is it we're taking three months and you're in therapy and I'm in therapy or we're doing whatever we need to do to figure our shit out and we're checking in regularly and then we're going to come back together after this designated period of time and see how we feel? It's a scary thought also. I want to validate everybody's feelings how terrifying this is. Every day passes and you're wondering if this person that you love is going to wake up and decide

they don't want to be with you anymore. And I don't think that it's usually mutual, you know, like it's usually not that both partners really want this at the same time. You know, I think some people just are like, I need a reboot. Let's try this. And I think it can work. But, you know, I think there's like three buckets of things people really need, like it defined for them. And that's like time, should we be in contact and should we have sex with others? And I think that like I read this thing about like different attachment styles.

It's in an article called taking a break in a relationship. Does it ever work in Cosmo from about a year ago? but it talks about like meeting the needs of both partners. And I think that this can feel really shitty. And at some point you do need to feel like your needs are being met. I just want the rules to be clear. So like there's couples that you five or one partner has a more anxious attachment style and needs more physical contact to know that things are okay.

There's an avoidant partner who usually is more cut off in distant times of conflict. And this is why you need to sort of be on the same page and make sure you're both getting what you need. But I agree with you. I think contact is okay depending on like what the parameters look like. but one therapist that I was reading and said continue you to communicate and if you take a break and expect things will immediately remedy themselves

without any communication, then you're probably wrong. But no communication also can mean that you have a little bit of time for clarity and to see things clearly. So I think that like maybe a text here and there, I don't know, I guess it depends on like what the person needs. I think you've got to talk about it with them.

If you're really somebody that you love and you guys are in and you guys were at one point in a loving committed relationship, like, you should be able to talk about this stuff. And someone might be like, well, I don't want to talk. And you're like, well, unfortunately for me, if we don't talk at all, I think that I will eventually just not be able to do this anymore. So it would be really helpful if we could check in weekly, you know?

And I also think, you know, the more we're talking about this, like, I just got to be clear. Like, if you're hooking up and dating other people, you're broken up. Like, I don't, you broke up. You know, like, if someone comes to you and they're like, I want to take a step back, I want to take a break. and then you somewhere along the lines find out that it's because they want to date other people, you're broken up.

You know, like you might get back together. Like a million couples break up and get back together every fucking day. But like you are broken up. So call it what it is. And you feel free to go out and date other people too. You know, I think you can afford people a week or two weeks, but they can't keep you on the bench forever and just waiting around. And also I just want to say if you and your partner have decided mutually that you guys want to open

their relationship up or both see other people or whatever you're deciding that works for you, that you both feel good about. Cool. That's kind of a different thing. But we're talking about when you want to be in that committed monogamous relationship. And you get the feeling that their goal is to date other people. It's no longer a break. Or to have sex with other people and use you as an emotional security blanket.

Like, you don't get to do both things to me. You don't get to have the comfortability of me and my love and my emotional support and fuck other people. You know, that's not fair to me. And I think you said something and I sort of feel like maybe a good rule of thumb is like I would maybe set a time frame for checking in, not a time frame for the end of the breakup or the break. You know, so I don't think it's fair to say like in five days, I'll feel better and I'll know the answer. But I think it is fair to say like maybe I would love five days to just have that to myself and not talk. I think that, you know, if somebody says you, I want to be, I don't want to be together for six months.

You're broken up. You know, I don't think you take a break for six months. I don't even know if I think you take a break for three months. But, you know, I think that if you're talking all the time and you're trying to work through this and you're not sleeping with other people to me, that's a break. But I think to me, like, the uncertainty of it would fucking kill me. So, like, I would want to know, like, in five days that you will check in with me. You'll let me know where you're feeling emotionally.

You got some space. This is where your head's at. I guess I don't have to know that in 14 days this is going to end. But, like, I do want to talk to you if the end goal is that we stay together. Yeah, and if you have a partner and you guys have this conversation of the end goal is to be together, we don't want to sleep with other people. We just got to figure this out, whether we bring in a third party, whether we do our own work on our own, like, and we're going to check in with each other weekly or biweekly or whatever it may be. Like, okay, that might work for you. You know, I'm sure

there's couples out there that legitimately took a three month break and they went to therapy or they did whatever they needed to do. And they didn't sleep with other people. They didn't date other people that didn't flirt with other people because they were on that track of we want to make it work with each other and we just can't seem to. But if not, it's a breakup and now we're in a different territory. You know, if you're, you and I had, we have a friend, I think we probably were to both talking about her earlier. We have a friend that was dating somebody. He had a lot going on. He needed to figure a lot of shit out. But they, she really cared for him. She had a special bond with him. She really wanted to make it work.

They did break up. They weren't boyfriend, girlfriend before. You know what? Let's just talk about this because I think this is probably pretty normal. They were dating. They didn't have a label, I wouldn't say. He had a lot of shit. And like, I wouldn't say they were in a committed relationship. And it came out that he did have intimate relations with somebody else. And they ended what they were doing. It had never really been too clearly defined. and they have since reconnected,

and now they are together, boyfriend, girlfriend. In that interim and time, they were talking. She leaned on him a little bit, and vice versa. And he slept with other people, and she did not.

And they came back together, and he told her he had slept with other people. She asked, she wanted to know, she wanted to know details, she wanted to know everything, and they talked about it honestly, and now they are together. I think that he really cared for her.

I think he had a lot of stuff he needed to figure out. And, you know, it really was awful for her to hear how he had slept to other people because she didn't. She was just wanting to be with him. And I think you see that a lot. But they were able to work through it and they're together. And I think that seems like something that could happen too.

That's kind of more what we were talking about at the beginning of the episode. But they took some time apart. And I think that time is something really interesting. Like what I would give advice for is like if you're taking space or you're taking a break, I would just make the time count. And I would say to myself, what is the goal for me of not talking to this person, whether it's a breakup or a break or whatever. And, you know, what is the goal?

And should I, how can I make it count? So whether that's journaling every day, whether that's thinking, like, I would pause after a week and say, like, do I feel better? Like, do I miss this person? Is my life better without them or is it worse without them? And, you know, better or worse, think about those things, too. Do I miss companionship or do I miss this person? Do I miss being next to somebody or do I miss specifically being next to this person?

and, you know, I would use that time to reconnect with friends, do better at your job, find hobbies. Like, fill the void that you thought being without this person could fill and try to do that. And at the end of that, I think you'll have your answer, you know, I think that, like, I, my very serious acts, I remember, like, one of the most hurtful things he said to me, but, you know, I get it now. But he was having a lot of really bad anxiety that was manifesting in some physical ways towards the end of our relationship. he was having really bad, like, nerve pain in his back. He was having trouble sleeping. It was some physical reactions to stuff. And he told me, like, three weeks after we'd broken up, that the nerve pain in his back

had stopped and then he was sleeping through the night. And it was, like, a real shot. It was, like, really. I was like, oh, it was me. Like, you didn't want to be with me. And he was, like, I feel, like, physically better. And, like, it was a really hard thing to hear. But I think that that, like, was, I mean, I don't,

that answer, but the answer was that, like, I think that he didn't really want to be with me anymore. And I think that it was manifesting in different ways. But, like, if you are away from this person, think about how do I feel emotionally, physically? How was my life look without this person? And it might look terrible. Your life might look terrible without this person. And then that's your reason that you want to fight for it, too. But just use the time is what I think is the most important. Well, there's definitely situations I've heard about where someone wanted the, quote, unquote, break, whatever, even break up. And they took that time. and they realized they wanted to be back with the person that they initiated the break with and

that person didn't want to be with them anymore. You know, like, it's time for you to figure out what you want to. And I appreciate you sharing that story from your past relationship, even though that was a hurtful situation for you. And just to wrap up what happened with my past relationship, I mean, we both did everything wrong. You know, like, it wasn't like, it was a mess. We just, we were like, we lived a mile away from each other. We were just both. We were obviously, our relationship was volatile. We talked all the time. I realized that he went on a date with somebody. He still tell you it wasn't a date. It was definitely a date. And like just, you know, stalking each other on social media, you know, texting. Like, it was wild. It was a fucking disaster. But looking back,

like, if I'm not saying I want to redo it, I don't want to be with that person, but like what I should have done and not even saying that now being more mature years removed from it, I could have, because, you know, your brain works in crazy ways. Well, I should have just been like, you wanted this and I'm going to give you that. And if you checked in here and there, I would have answered and been polite, but respectfully said that you needed space to figure out what you wanted and I want to give you that. You know, because I think we get into a lot of situations, women get into a lot of situations where some guy wanted to pull back and do this thing. And then he is missing them, but he doesn't want to go in full force, but he wants to communicate. and I think you have to be strong and be like, hey, I care about you, but you asked for this.

And I think you should take it to figure out what you want. Yes. And by the way, like, that is how you regain a little bit of power in the situation and a little bit of footing. And that is the very first thing I said to my friend, the very first, him and I have been on the phone about this continuously time. The very first thing I said to him because he was like, maybe I should write her an email. Maybe I should ask her to see me. Maybe that's me. And I was like, use these words. This will make it better.

Say to her, you seem like you want a little space. I want to give that to you. I'm going to honor it. You let me know when you want to talk again. You didn't do any of those things. But like at least you take the power back a little bit. You feel like you have a little bit of dignity. I mean, it does make you feel like you've lost a little bit of dignity when somebody

says to you, I don't really want to be with you right now and I want some space. And I think an easy way to take the power back is like, you know what, I'm going to give that to you. I'm going to give that to you. It's the only thing you can do. Not forever. But, you know, have a week. Have a week and see how you feel without me and evaluate that.

And I will talk to you in one week when you are ready. Yeah. And I mean, you know, like the conversation I, when I had that conversation with that guy and he was like, I don't know what I want. I'm confused, this and that. I was bummed. I called you. I was like, this fucking sucks.

And I felt like I lost all control, any sort of power that I ever had. I'm not saying that healthy relationship should have a power struggle, but you know, you hear me. And I hated it. And like, all I could do was just like, again, he texted me every day after. And I just, you know, not immediately took time, responded on my own. watched, didn't ask him any, like, was just like, hope you're doing well. I mean, it was like a very hope you're doing well all weekend long. And this kid took time and he rolled around on Monday.

I was like, wait, I want to date two again. You know what I mean? Like, you have to be exercise self-control. Think of it like a game with yourself. You know, treat yourself at the end of every day, day one, treat yourself, do something nice for yourself. Don't get drunk because, you know, that could go badly and undo all the hard work you just did. Day two, treat yourself, day three. like just give yourself credit for exercising self-control because it's it can be hard. Yes, but think about how sexy it is. The challenge accepted. Think about how sex it is in the reverse.

Like, which one's sexier is the person just letting you steamroll them over and over and over again? Or is it the person that's like, you said you want this. I'm giving you this. I'm not checking in every day. I don't need to run to the phone every time you text me. I'm certainly not going to see you. The sexier way to behave in this situation is to be like, I'm cool. I'm cool.

Yeah. Needy desperate person. is not sexy. You're not fucking needy, desperate person. You're just not. And I feel like, look, I want to give credit again over and over. This is the hardest advice to take in the world because you're in the situation and you're like, I know my person better than these girls do. I know my partner. I know what to work. I'm telling you, you're not special. No situation is special. This is what you should do in every single one of these situations. Yeah. And there's this overwhelming fear of, okay, but what if they realize they don't want to be with me or what if they meet somebody else in the

interim, okay, then they do. But there's nothing you can do. And like, then they're not somebody you were supposed to be with in the first place. Like, you only have one option here. Right. And if they meet somebody, if they meet somebody at a bar and it wipes away whatever you guys had, then again, that person did not want to be with you that badly. Yeah. And I do, I strongly think, like, everybody's feelings and emotions operate at a different pace. But if someone really says they need time and space and a week goes by, like, I think it's a little bit of a red flag. Don't you? Like somebody that you were dating, talking to every day, and a full week goes by and you

haven't heard a peep, I think you're on your way to a breakup. I think. Every situation is different. That's what I would think. I think every situation is different, but I think that there is a point at which, like, hope could only carry you so far and it makes you crazy. So, like, if somebody says, I need a little space and that's so undefefathing, find. I think looking at your phone every second and being like, when are they going to talk to me?

Like, I think that you should be afforded the ability to make a decision and start healing from that decision. So like, yeah, if somebody doesn't talk to you for a week, I think it's perfectly fun. I do want to talk about like how and when to check back in. But like if somebody doesn't check back in in a week, like, I think it's perfectly fair to be like, hey, like, I'm still here, you know? And I just, I don't think it's fair to anybody if like clearly what's happening is that the person doesn't want to be with you, that like, you don't get to start to heal from that. because the worst situation mentally you're ever going to be in is like in the gray area. If somebody breaks up with you, you will be fine.

You will talk shit on that person to your friends. You'll cry to your mom and you'll be fine. It's this great situation of when are they reaching out that like will make you fucking crazy. Yeah. And let's say, I mean, a week goes by. Yeah. Like again, like I think it takes a lot of restraint. But that person should have respected you and reached out to you prior.

But whatever, let's say they haven't and you've been doing your due diligence. and a week has gone by and you guys haven't spoken. Like, 100%. You can be like, hey, I hope you've been getting the space you need. I would like to get a temperature check on what's going on here because I hope you can respect me and know that I want to be able to live my life as well. And I care for you and I wanted this to work. But if you don't see this working, I am going to move on.

You know, like not a threat. Like I'm going to date somebody else, but kind of a low key. Like, I'm not waiting around for you. I love that. So where are we? I love that. Say it nicely and, you know, compassionately as much as you can and respectfully and rationally. But like, that's totally justified. It's fucking rude to just think you can let somebody wait around. Well, I just think that like then that person just has to sit there and every minute of their life is like, are they thinking about me? Are they going to text me? Are they watching my Instagram stories? It's like, I have a right to live my life and heal from things, you know? And it's really not fair. So, So I love temperature check. I've used that before. I, like, opened up a conversation with somebody this summer that, like, we ended our relationship.

But that's, like, how I opened it up. And I think it's a non-threatening way to just be like, hey, I'm here. You know, like, hey, like, I just, you know, wanted to take a temperature to check on how this is going on. Yeah. And I think that it is, like, when you are ready to, like, check back in, I think that, you know, you should start asking yourself, how do I feel? You know, am I relieved?

Am I better without this person? Am I miserable? and decipher between like, is this like the natural sadness I feel after any loss, you know, or is it I really, really don't want to live without this person? And those are different feelings to me. And you've had to like put me in check before and I've used my friends to do that as well. And like I ended things with somebody and I was really upset. And you said, I think this is just your ego.

We've talked about this before. But like it was. I think you were totally right. I think that like I was suffering because somebody told me they didn't want to be with me. I wasn't suffering because he didn't want to be with me. Right. Yeah, exactly. Reflect on if you think it's just your ego for the actual person.

But I think a break can be healthy. We're all built differently and there are people out there that need to take a step back before they dive in. But I also want everybody to be wary about the type of people, let's say type of guys, for example, that never know what they want. You know, and their personality traits can include a guy that always has. as a new business venture, you know, or like, it's, it's that really hot and cold personality type. There's always new passion project.

Not that there's anything wrong with having passions, but you guys know that there's people that are a little more impulsive and don't really have their shit figured out in any way. And those are the people that you date them. Things are going great for a week, for a month, whatever. Then they pull back. I'm sorry, I just need some space. I need to figure this shit out. Then they come back full force.

They say all the right things. They, in that moment, want to be with you. They're like, let's put a label on it. Let's be boyfriend, girlfriend. Let's do this. Let's do that. A couple weeks go by, a month goes by. They pull back again.

Now you're like, okay, this feels like a pattern. I personally wouldn't give that person on their chance because I see them for who they are. And I have dealt with this before. Maybe you do. And then you, the same cycle, because they say all the right things because I do think that they feel it in the moment. And they, but they don't know themselves. They don't have it figured out.

And I understand that people are impulsive and they bounce around and they do different things. But I mean, if you want to be with something like that, that's on you, but like, that's not really how you treat people. And that's not really how you end up in a committed relationship if that is your end goal. So just be wary of those type of people because I've dealt with it before and you know who I'm talking about. Like I think some of those people are like, they pull you in. They say all the right things. I want to be committed. This is what I want. And then they push you away and then they need space and then they need a break. And I think you afford everybody one time. I think you can give anybody a second chance. I think depending on like the the depth and length of your relationship, you know, maybe you give somebody a third chance. I, I don't know, but for me, keep your eyes open to those type of people because I'm not saying that they're bad people. They're doing what they feel in the moment. But if they're always pushing and pulling, I think that's indicative of who they are as a person. And I'm glad that you brought up how many times also. So like, I think it is perfectly healthy to do this once. I think it's perfectly

healthy. Even, you know, maybe in the beginning you guys take a step back and then you reevaluate, you reset your boundaries. But I'm glad that you mentioned like how many times. First of all, if you're doing this all the time, it doesn't mean anything anymore. And this is just a fucking game to the other person. And also I think that like you, maybe you enjoy this type of game, but like you deserve to feel secure in your relationship.

You deserve to feel like the person you're with is not going to pull the rug out from under you over and over and over again. And we've all been in these situations. And I was in one like in the fall with somebody who like told me he was so great. I was so great. He was so crazy about me.

He was going to come to New York. Everything was going to be great. He wanted to spend time with me. You want to visit me here. And all of a sudden I just like wasn't hearing from him. And I was like, what happened here? And, like, we ended things. And then he, like, came back again and was like, I'm crazy about you.

I made a mistake. And, like, he did it to me again. And I just, like, I would never trust that person again. He did it twice. I'll never let him do it again. And it's fine. The second time you came back and was just like, I messed up. I was like, okay, that's fine.

I'll afford you another chance. But, like, I can't go through this with a person over and over again that I really like. And we joked about this with Greg Barrett, like, he was like, you know, there's only one person. It's like, you know, there isn't just one person. You know, there's tons of people that are going to make you feel. good, make you laugh and light you up. And it's not fair to continuously feel like I never know when the rug is going to be pulled

out from under me. And it's not a good way to live. And you will always have no power in the relationship. Because once somebody does that to you over and over again, you are always at a loss. Because you're always like, I can never feel comfortable. I can never accept this kindness. Because what are they going to do tomorrow to me? Right.

And that person probably has some trauma, you know? And I can be sympathetic to that. The type of people that do that, again, it's, sometimes it's manipulative, sometimes they're terrible people, but a lot of times it's just people that have some trauma, that have some baggage. And they think they want it, but they can't handle it and they push and pull.

And they need to work on that within themselves. But you are not the person to fix it. And you are not the person. And you are not the person. It's a lot of trauma. He's a lot of trauma. The guy was talking about dead. And you know,

I gave him one chance. I gave him a second chance and he did the exact same thing and gave me a bunch of excuses. And I'm like, this is who you are as a person. I didn't say this is who you are as a person. But, you know. But like, this guy like has a lot of a band

him and issues from his family. I mean, I can unpack his issues for days, but, you know, he was never, he never felt safe as a child and he never developed normal attachment issue, normal attachment development to another person. So I understand him saying, this feels good right now. I want this right now. And then I understand him detaching from it and flipping on a dime because he doesn't really feel the closeness with, like, it's easy for him to do that because he's always had to do that with his parents. So, yeah, you and I can psychoanalize this all day, but you're completely right. Somebody that does this to you all the time, it might not. because be because they even want to. That's just that's that's the relationships that they have. Yeah, 100%. I know. I just like, I just like the message of like, you can let somebody do this once. And what is you, I always think of your quote, but I can never get it right. What is the thing that you say? Is it like a pet? The phone me once? Like something about the second times of coincidence, the third times a pattern or whatever. The first time is chance. The second times of coincidence, a third time's pattern. Yeah, I didn't write that. Yeah. But yeah. That's, please.

You did write Fulme once, though. That's a Raina Green Burger original. And Ashley was like, 4-9 times, bitch. Yeah, the second time, what, a coincidence and the third time it pattern. Yeah, identify patterns and the people that you're dating. If you don't like these things, if they don't feel good, then fucking leave. Yeah, for sure. And one other thing, too, I think that this kind of goes without saying,

because this is what we speak about constantly, but listen to your gut and do what's going to serve you. You know, like I, we, I hate to use the word ultimatum, but if something's not feeling good to you and you're like, I'm at a breaking point, whether it was somebody you were newer with and you're like, I've given this guy, 10 days of space,

I'm going crazy, I want to know where I stand. You can have the conversation. Don't be scared of the outcome. If that person's not, if that person doesn't want to be with you, they don't want to be with you, there's nothing you can do and consider yourself better off and that you nipped it in the bud before it went too far. And with somebody that you've been with for years or your serious relationship, like, if you're like, I'm going crazy, we've been in therapy, we've been doing this thing,

it's been months. Like, I can't live like this. Then tell them. You know, like, be ready to walk away. Always, we've said it before. If you're going to present somebody with that type of thing, you have to be ready to walk away because the worst thing that could happen is if you say, I need this thing or I can't do this anymore and they don't give it to you and then you're still with them. and your word means nothing. So always be ready to walk away. But speak up for what you want too. You know, I say this thing of like give somebody a couple days because I think we should afford

that to people in general because we're all fucked up all the time. But if somebody you feel like is not respecting you and manipulating you and stringing you along, like speak up. I think you should be able to say to your part. If the goal of the break, by the way, was to see how you feel and hopefully you back together, I think that it's perfectly fine after what 10 days or I don't know, a month to say, I really miss you. I thought about this.

I'm willing to make X, Y, Z change that we identified is a problem. I want to work on this together. Do you feel that way? And I think that you're also allowed to draw the boundary for yourself. And I think that you basically said this as well. But like, you're allowed to say this doesn't feel good and I don't want to do this anymore. In a nice way, like in a constructive way. But like, I don't want to spend an indefinite amount of time forever until you figure your shit out.

I don't want to not get fucked for three months. I don't want to think about you every single day and be stalking you. and have no idea how you feel. I don't want it. And it feels really bad. And I think you're allowed to say that. Like, we're all human. No one's just sitting around for three months waiting and not having sex and just

wondering. And the end of that conversation could be an official breakup. And in which case, you have broken up. You need to heal and move on with your life, whatever that looks like. We have plenty of episodes on it and move past it. And you could still end up with that person. You know what I mean?

Like I just, you know, there's a whole, it's called a breakup because it's broken. That's actually a book by Greg Barrett. And yeah, it's broken at that time. It doesn't mean that it can't repair itself later in life. My grandmother, my grandmother's husband died, my mom's dad, and she remarried her high school sweetheart. Like, you can break up and get back together. Well, I think especially right now, I think that like, especially during like coronavirus

and people are so emotionally unhinged. I am. I don't know how to deal with anything because this is unprecedented. I think especially right now, there's a lot of couples going, should we take a break? Was this too soon? There's a lot of people that are quarantined together that it probably was too soon. I think it is perfectly normal to say to yourself, maybe we can take a break. And as soon as this high stress situation where I am separated from everybody else that I love,

I'm not working, I can't get out and do anything that I want to do, I think it is perfectly normal to think we can take a break. I'm allowed to heal a little bit emotionally and deal with this on my own. And then, yes, when the world goes back to normal, we can probably go back to normal. But if you keep pushing me, the result is not going to be positive. But yeah, and I want to take a minute to talk about Corona too and breaks during Corona. But just to go back to it, like, yeah, sometimes the break was just this like, you know, easier way for someone to initiate the breakup.

And I just think if you've been sitting around waiting on this person to give you an answer for a week and you have that conversation with them and it ends with like, okay, then we're broken up and we're going to treat that as such. It kind of can be a relief because at least you don't have to wonder anymore. I think it's a huge part. It's so much worse than somebody breaking up with you. Somebody breaks up with me day one. I know this is day one of healing. I'm going to get better. I'm going to be okay. A million episodes like you said about it and how to deal with it. but I think that so many people are dealing with this right now, and they either quarantine together too quickly or they're finding stuff out about their partner.

And I think it is totally rational to think, like, I need to take care of me, I need to protect me right now. I cannot deal with somebody else's feelings. I think that's valid and it's fair. And I absolutely think you can get back together. Yeah, I think that, I don't know, we talked about this before.

We had like a little bit different opinions. I think if there's couples that have like been together for a really long time, are engaged. And let's just say they're engaged. Let's say you're engaged. And you break up because the corona, I don't think you should have been married because I think you have so much worse stuff could happen later in your life. Like when you say those vows to get married, granted, half people get divorced, but they are through sickness and health, for richer, for poor, or whatever. So if you couldn't handle this, but you thought you were going to be together for literally ever, then maybe you realized something you were going to realize down the road.

again, you don't agree with me. But I think that there's plenty of couples that they didn't have all the tools to deal with this. They weren't there yet. They've been together for six months or whatever it is a year. Like they weren't equipped to manage this. And they could work out and they could be a wonderful married couple and live together happily ever after. But this, they weren't ready for this. And this broke them up.

And it doesn't mean that they wouldn't have worked. under different circumstances or had they had more time to develop their relationship before they got thrown into this because that's the sad thing. I mean, I think it's just like for these couples that that this came about when they were not yet fully developed as a unit, like this threw a wrench into it. And a lot of them might be wondering like what could have been. And I don't think it's bad if you were dating somebody and you broke up because of Corona, whether because of location like you weren't together or for other reasons and you get back together afterwards. I don't think it's such a red flag that you couldn't make it through this if you were newer.

Oh, I agree with you. And I think in the beginning of a relationship also, like, this is not a normal scenario by which anyone lives their lives. No one should be responsible for being all of your entertainment all the time. You know, that's why we work out while other people work out. And that's why we go to restaurants and bars and have friends and hobbies and go to our office and no one should be responsible for this. And yeah, we've had different opinion, but I basically agree with what you're saying.

And I think that this probably like accelerated relationships in a way that like they would have never had to accelerate to this point. You know? If you were together for three, four years and you can't get through this nine, ten weeks, then like, yeah, I think there's a problem. But in the beginning of a relationship, you're just like thrust in together. And it's like, I don't want to shit in front of this person. I don't want to have to be with them 24 hours a day. Your phone voice annoys me. I think it just, it ramped up things in a way that just like isn't sexy and fun. And I think when this is over, you can absolutely get back together.

Yeah. And even if you weren't living together, you know, even if you were just like casually dating and it's just like you didn't have the foundation to make it through this, it might just mean that you aren't a match because I think plenty of people have done a good job of zooming and talking and keeping the connection alive and getting to know each other without the physical, which I think can be a really strong relationship builder. But if you couldn't make it. it through, it doesn't mean that when life resumes to normal in some way that you don't meet up with that person and get back to dating them. I think it's okay. You know. And I think a lot of people need to like self heal right now. And my friend that was like breaking up with that girl kept saying to me like, well, I think she's going through trauma because this and she won't acknowledge it. And she's just emotion. It's like, okay. So let her have that. You don't need to like beat it into the ground. You don't need to tell her she's fucked up. Like just let her have it. Yeah. He did everything wrong. Yeah, he literally did. He was like, well, this, it was so funny. He was like, well, this girl told me this and this girl to me this. And I was like, you know what, you should listen to other people that haven't dedicated their life the last two and a half years to only talking about this and interviewing people

in the space, reading books, reading articles. You should talk to other people about their one experience that they had with this. I have talked to thousands of people about this. But, you know, take her advice. I know. Well, Kate had it back before Kate was married and we were dating. terrible guys in the dark days. She was day in the sky, which she wanted to break up with.

But I don't know. He was a lot so I can understand that she just couldn't do it. She just kind of gave him the like, I need space thing. And she said, I need space because he was so smothering. Like, she actually kind of, she actually liked him. We liked him and he was smothering her. So she was like, I need space. And what he did was somehow getting to her building,

there was a door code so he figured that out somehow got into our building and left her flowers and wine on the doorstep it is not what you do if someone says space they need space you don't break into their building and leave gifts i'm not kidding like it's it's so funny that people don't respect it because if someone ever says anything in the arena of i need space and distance and you do anything except leave them alone they will break up with you for disrespect them. You know what I mean? And for being, I'm sorry, it's not attractive.

You don't want to fuck needy desperate person. And like, we've all been there. I have been that person. I've been, listen, I saw one of my exes on the street yesterday and I followed him for two blocks making Instagram videos for Ashley. Okay. We've all done weird shit. But no one wants to fuck somebody that doesn't have self-control and the ability to

go live their life. Listen, I'm not saying I have those things. Just fake it. Yeah. And again, ladies, three days. Like, if I can do it, you can do it. But don't worry about for somebody forever. Fuck that.

Yep. So, you know, reach out when it's appropriate. You're allowed to reach out. But I think I feel good about this. Okay. We were on a break. Little bow on it. Literally, there is not, that is one of the most iconic scenes in television history.

I googled this topic. I read, I don't know, 10 different articles. There is not one article that did not reference it. You can't talk about a break without talking about friends. You just can't. You can't. Yeah. And man, it's so tricky, though.

Because it's like, it divided a nation. Because clearly I saw where Rachel was coming from, but I kind of low-key saw where Ross was coming from too. I saw where they both were coming from. And then she wrote him that letter and then he had to pretend he read it. Yes. She was like, what do you accept full responsibility for ruining? I don't know.

What does he say in the next one? It's not normal and it doesn't happen to everybody. Oh, yeah. Look at you, quoting friends. I don't really remember friends that well, except for that. It's like the most iconic thing that ever happened in TV history. Yeah. All right, guys.

Well, welcome to another installment of Fuck My Phone. I'm so excited. Favorite game. And it is experiences you guys have had where your phone auto-corrected or it was your own negligence or your own slippery little fingers or your own slippery little fingers or your own intoxication that embarrassed you. Dude, your technology. And we had you guys submit one-liners and emails.

You guys flooded us. I'm so proud of you. You're always finding new and exciting ways to humiliate yourselves. As am I. You want to start with the one-liners? Yeah, let's do. Yeah. So we, yeah, we have some shorties and then we have a little bit longer stories that didn't

fit in the Instagram question box. So, yeah, let's start with the short ones. Okay. I want to start with this one in particular. It's from a friend of mine. You met her in Portland. Was casually entertaining my exes advances on the deal. During a group project, I texted my fellow male law group students.

So she's in law school. She's at a group project. She texts the entire group, get inside of me. Oh, my God. I would have to play it off of like, oh, are we meeting inside the library? at six. I would die. Okay. Accidentally sent my mom a link to an article titled 10 blowjob tips and tricks. I'm curious if her mom is still married to her dad. Like if she's like recently single, you could be like, I'm just trying to help. It just depends on the relationship with her

mom because like if I said that to my mom, she'd be like, thanks, honey. I thought I texted my friend in all caps, never seeing him again after a first date. I had texted the date. Oh my gosh. Okay. I will read you one like that too then. She sent all the reasons. She wasn't attracted to the dude. A text meant for her friend to the dude. Can you imagine getting a list of all the things someone doesn't find attractive about you? I would never recover. I just like, listen, every, you know what I think about is every time I'm on Instagram and I see who shared like my Instagram story, I like wonder what those group chats look like. people are like, fuck this girl or like, who does she think she is? And it's like, that is never meant for your eyes. I don't ever want to see it because I wouldn't survive. Well, speaking to Instagram stories, I had an incident a couple weeks ago and I took a photo

and wrote something on it for Raina only. It was something, it was about an ex, but it was something that if anybody ever saw it, like, besides my close friends, I would literally die. And I sent it to Rada. And then I went back to my Instagram 10 minutes later. and the circle was lit up like I had posted a new story. And I have never in my light, I felt sick and I went in and I, luckily, I had just forgotten that I had posted something else.

But for, worst feeling the world. 30 seconds, I thought that I had posted that thing about my ex on my story. To 100,000 people. You guys, if I would have, I'm not going to get into details, but if I would have. Podcasts would be over. I would have literally just jumped off my parents' roof. Ashley, do you know how much stuff I said to you that I would be in jail if someone else saw that? We were one time on a trip for this brand.

We were not allowed to say. We signed an NDA. And we, it was, it was bad. And Rayna wrote something. Oh my God. We're at a music festival. So like, obviously there's no service. And I made a reference to the brand that we.

you're working with and I took a photo of a bunch of dumpsters full of trash and I like mentioned the brand and I like said like welcome to the dumpster and I sent it to you but I accidentally posted it on the Instagram story and I had to circle the outskirts of the festival just looking for service everywhere I have 400,000 followers okay this was not going to end well we were sprinting trying to find Wi-Fi it was terrifying the scariest moment I totally forgot that this happened Oh, that's what I wrote. I wrote the brand's name. I wrote, welcome to the dumpster fire.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Well, anyways, they fired us. We quit, okay? It was a mutual breakup. Anyways, this one was funny. I don't know why. I have a question, but my mom and my best friend have the same name,

sent a full report on a one-night stand that I had to the wrong one. Why is your mom in your phone not as mom? That's her first name. This sounds like your fault, bitch. I was showing my, this one hits close to home. I was showing my friend the last text, my ex sent me three months ago, and I accidentally loved it. Oh, this happened. This happened to you.

We already told my story. My text was from like 10 days prior, and I just thumbs downed it. That was right around the time that I screenshot that photo of a conversation that was having that guy thought I sent it to you and I like rewrote the joke. Never mind. It was embarrassing. All right. This one I wanted to bring up because this is the most common auto correct.

I saw this like five or six times. I'm curious if you saw it. texted my trainer. Thanks for licking my ass. I really needed it. I love it. Like clearly he knew she met. But I just love the thought that you could write to anybody.

Thanks for licking my ass and then put your phone away and not correct yourself. And they're just like, you're welcome. So like a group chat. I saw this four or five times. Did you see this at all? Licking and kicking auto-correct a lot. Well, I didn't know if you saw this one. Here's another auto-correct.

I love this one so much. Okay. She says, I'm a therapist. Okay. Texted a client that I would like to hump him instead of bump him as in his appointment. It's so... Can you work? Imagine.

Hey, Daniel, it's Dr. Johnson. Listen, I'd really love to hump you next week. I'm going to have to hump you next week. It's just, it's like, especially at work, it's like dropping this veil of professionalism where you have to like acknowledge that you're human and like you fucked up and I hate that. I know. I love this. Texted my friend, boring. Please help.

during a date, but I texted the guy I was on the date with instead. It's so bad. You could be like, we were talking about this thing on Netflix. Okay, I have another one too. I sent, I hope his dick isn't small to the guy on the way to his house instead of my friend. The thing about that is like, that is so funny. Like, you can joke about it unless his dick is really small. Like, can you imagine a like a little dick guy getting that?

And he's like, it is though. I would just, I don't know what I would do. I mean, at least the guy knows you intend to fuck him. At least it's like cute and sexy. Okay. That's true. It's the least humiliating of all these. If that guy had a, like, if that guy had like a dick he was proud of, like, yeah, that's, she set it up right.

Right. Now I'm just going to start doing it anyways. If I want to fuck somebody. This may be laugh. It's not like sexual. It's just like so embarrassing. Sent a message intended to my friend to my college group project chat. My armpits are really smelly lately.

I think I need to change soap. What if you just sent that to your whole class? My armpits are really smelly. Guys, native deodorant, code G, G.E. Okay, this one, she said, she screen recorded me scrolling my combo with a guy to send a friend and accidentally send it to him. The screen recording.

The screen record is so bad. That is so embarrassing. Like, screenshots, they happen. But first of all, we all do this shit. But it's so embarrassing that you see. sent a video of your conversation to somebody. It's so humiliating. It's like an extra step. It's like, listen, we're all that crazy. We just don't want men to know that we're that crazy. This made me laugh so hard. She was using like the eyes. She screenshot something and was like

drawing on the photo on the iPhone. I was drawing a penis on top of a photo and I accidentally sent it to my grandfather. Her penis artwork went to her grandfather. Grandparents were chill though. It was probably like, nice work, honey. Okay. I was stalking my crush on all platforms. Accidentally liked a Venmo transaction from three years ago. That is so humiliating. Also, I have not gotten confirmation on this.

Okay, because I've done this and like I've tried a few times. If you like something on Venmo and you unlike it right away, does the notification disappear? I've not gotten confirmation. You know what? I don't even think you get notifications about likes on Venmo, so you're safe. Oh, like have you ever seen something that popped up that someone liked, like when I did all those charity Venmo's, like so many people liked those and I never once got a pop up. So I think you have to go in and see who hearted them. So if she got rid of it

right away. Okay. All right. That's good to know because I actually was not confirmed. I saved my absolute favorite one for last. Sent my family group text. You're so hot. I want to climb on top of you right now during family dinner. Can you imagine? Oh. Can you fucking. can imagine everyone's phone's going off. You just look at their faces while they're reading the text message. Oh my God. She wins. Okay.

Well, it's great. This is my favorite one too, honestly. Okay. I told my boyfriend I was going to sleep, masturbated instead. Good for you. He then got an Apple Watch notification that I had just finished a workout. He said it to me. Because you know these people have their like Apple Watches sit?

Yes. I love it. You said you're going to be. And then you had to be like, oh, I was masturbating. Like, it's just so shameful. Like, it's not, but it's like, you know what I mean? I love it so much. Listen, this is also why you masturbate with vibrators and not manually with your hands.

Or does it measure? Also, the fact that it really registered as a workout, she was going to town. I know, I'm proud of her. She's the opposite of me. I'm the laziest masturbator. I literally just like press the vibrator onto my clit until something happens. That's it. I don't do anything.

I masturbate the way I exercise. I literally do nothing. If you would nap will watch, it would be like Raina is napping. Okay. We're going to go through just a few of these stories. Do you want to start? This one's so good. Sure. I was 15 and just lost my virginity to my first boyfriend. On the morning of my grandpa's funeral, I was sitting in the car waiting for my parents when I texted my quote unquote friend, a detailed summary of how it went down, including how big his dick was. I didn't hear back for my friend all day and I got a bit offended, but I was too busy with the funeral really to look into it. that evening, I realized I had sent this dirty-ass sex replay to my mother. On the day of her dad's funeral, I deleted it off of her phone the next day, and she never

mentioned it. I'm 22 now, and it still has never come up. That is wild. It's so upsetting when she wrote on the day of her dad's funeral. I mom would kill me. My mom would be really not blessed. Oh, your mom, no. I mean, your mom, fine.

It would be a double funeral. because your mom would kill you. Okay. Next one. After I graduated college five years ago, I went back to work at the pool I'd been working at since I was 16 years old. Obviously working at a pool, there are lots of teenage lifeguards. At the time, I was going through the most horrific breakup,

and it was definitely my year of sleeping around and sending lots of nudes to guys. That post-breakup bod, y'all. I love this. Okay, I had a few of the younger lifeguards on my Snapchat friends list, and I sent a pick to a guy I was hooking up with at the time. He was in his 20s like me. His name started with a G, and so did one. one of the 16-year-old kids that I worked with.

I didn't even notice. I sent it to the wrong person until about a minute later to see if the of-age guy had opened the snap when I realized this teenager had just been blessed with a picture of my boobs. Needless to say, I freaked out, begged him not to tell anyone because I didn't want to go to jail and apologize profusely. I have a strong feeling he didn't mind my mistake at all. First one, you made that kid's life. That kid will never forget you.

That kid's telling everybody that story for the rest of his life. Can you imagine this 16-year-old kid opens a Snapchat and it's some pick of some, like, hot 20-something-year-old's titties? Best day of life. Never. I will never forget being a Titanic with my brother the first time he saw tities, okay? No one forgets that day. No one, I'm sure. 16, he's seen some titties.

No, my brother was like two. But, or, you know, whatever. I also led that she, like, used like every pedophile's excuse on earth. She's like, this is the first time I ever did something like this. I swear to God. I'm going to write her name down. tabs on her in a couple years. I'm just kidding. You don't have to keep tabs on her. She's going to be on to catch a predator.

No. You and her could go trolling for 19 year olds at college bars together. That's why you're writing her name down. A 19 year old lifeguard. That's my time. Okay. I've been talking to this guy from Hinge. We had planned our first date for a few days later. Obviously, I stalked his Instagram and he had a lot of photos still up with his ex-girlfriend. She went to the same college as me, so I screenshotted some of the pictures of them together from his Instagram to send to my friend to see if she

recognized the girl. Well, I sent them to him instead. Screenshots of him and his ex-girlfriend from his own Instagram to him, one of which was a picture of both of them in bathing suits. Owning up to it because what else could I do in that situation? I went

on a couple dates with him before he ghosted to be and immediately started posting pics with his new girlfriend. Well, you should take photos of that and send it to him. I just think we, like, we all need to own up to this. Like I was thinking about this the other day. Like I noticed this guy. It was a long story. But I like saw that him and his ex still follow each other. And I'm just thinking like, what if one day and they like each other's stuff? And I was thinking of one day,

what if I brought that up to him? He would be like, you're crazy. And I'd be like, no, I'm not. This took me two minutes to figure out. And every single girl on the planet would do the same thing. Like we let's just admit it. Ladies, like it's we all do the same shit. Let's normalize it. It's super normal. Don't get me wrong. Oh, please. If you are. are not going back on somebody's Instagram to see what the previous girl looks like. You don't care about that guy. You don't like that guy. Okay?

If there is no part of you that has that instinct, you don't want to fuck that dude. Okay? Don't even go on the date. If all of your crazy bells did start going off. Right. Like maybe there's like some like super chill girls out there that like don't care. But like I don't know. I don't know them.

No shade. I don't know them. I don't fuck with you. Okay. We're not friends. Right. Okay. I'll just, I'll skip this one. I'll read the last one. Okay. Um, we love this. We love ones that are

about like best friends. I'll never forget the time. My friend was using my phone to stock my ex's Instagram account. Mind you, we only dated about a month and it ended bad. Lo and behold, he had posted a gym photo wearing a jock strap. This bitch double tapped my phone, thinking it would zoom in and of course liked the photo. I don't know if I'm more mad about her liking the almost nude photo, her for acting like a boomer trying to zoom in. Or the fact that I had even dated someone capable of posting that pick. The fact that she gave her like an okay boomer. I love it.

You can't ever let like a parent get a hold of a phone because they don't understand zooming and stuff like that. Like they would tap it thinking it was zooming in. Like the fact that her friend like just turned into a boomer in that moment. You can't let your parents touch shit. And also if you're going to hot top. tip, because I do this for you. If I stock any of your exes, I do it from my Finsta. Because I just, I don't want them to see that I've like, for some reason,

look, there's one Instagram story. It's like, obviously I actually told me to do that. Yeah. Yeah. And I really do appreciate that. Thank you so much. You know, like, because that's the fear because we do love to stock each other's exes. So it's like, I'm not sitting right there to make sure you don't get slippery fingers and mess something up. So I appreciate you taking it upon yourself to go into your finsta to stock my ex. Is That is true friendship, y'all. Thank you. I got to know what they're up to.

Oh, my God. All right. Well, we hope you guys love to fuck my phone. Keep them coming. They never get old. Don't DM us, but, you know. Email. Email.

Nothing gives me greater joy than sorting all of your emails into pretty little folders. It's my favorite. All right, guys. Well, we hope you enjoyed this episode about breaks and phone fails and Rana's new boyfriend who will have on soon. and all the other things we talked about. Girls Gottaeatteetpodcast.com for merchandise, new merchandise coming soon, tour dates,

Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram, Ash Hess, and reina.orghum on Instagram, Girls underscore GottaEat on Twitter, and YouTube.com slash Girls Gotta Eat. And new fun stuff coming soon, like the gifts, like the merch, all the things. Just stay tuned. All right, guys.

Have a great week. Bye, guys.