Girls Gotta Eat - Welcome to the Family feat. Taylor Strecker

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

Get ready to laugh and try to keep up -- we have the one-and-only Taylor Strecker of The Taylor Strecker Show join us to talk about everything from divorce to dicks to becoming a lesbian later in life. She is an open book and we loved hearing her story. We discuss a few topics we haven't covered in depth before: Not getting along with your significant other's family, and coming out to your conservative family. We also catch up on Rayna's long-distance dick appointment, Ashley's To Catch a Predator moment, and we introduce a new segment: Foods Over Dudes. Hope you enjoy! Follow Taylor on Instagram @TaylorStrecker and check her website for her radio show and more. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merch. Thank you to our partners for this episode: StitchFix: Go to stitchfix.com/gge to get started with no styling fee + an extra 25% off when you keep everything in your box. Figs: Get 15% off your first order at wearfigs.com with code GGE at checkout. OpenFit: Get a special extended 30-day free trial membership by texting GGE to 303030. Ritual: Get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And like in the beginning, yeah, like it was like fun because it was new and there was like a chase involved. But like two or three months and I'm like, get that sick away from me. Really? But I would do it because you just got to do the dick, you know? But you didn't like wake up in the morning and want to like suck his dick. I didn't. I didn't. Oh.

Blow jobs are the worst. Back to another episode of Girls Got to eat. First episode of the winter. You're very giggly. Because you're so happy. I'm back. I am. I'm in a great mood.

Your energy is great. Thank you. But we should give a weather report. You guys missed it last week. They're upset. We did not know you cared. It's the coldest. It's winter now today.

I'm so, I landed from Charles and South Carolina. It was sunny and 80 degrees to this shit. It's like 30. It's that like bone chilling cold. There was a few snowflakes earlier. But I mean, I'm here for it. It'll be dark in 15 minutes.

It's 4 o'clock. Just had lunch. It's dark. Okay, I want to talk about like your whole vibe and everything that's been going on and everything we just caught up on. but before we didn't promise we're going to announce Texas this week. I'm here for it. So we're announcing Texas this week.

Guys, we're announcing Texas literally right now. Right now, it's happening, guys. We're coming to Houston, Austin, and Dallas. An airy season. Bo-B-B-B-Bow! So this time we are going to Houston. We're doing it right. We will be there March 26th through the House of Blues.

We are huge fans of the House of Blues. We do in any city that we can do it. We love an HOB. Yes. If you guys sell that show out, maybe we'll add a second. I don't know. H-O-B. House of B.

Is that a thing? No. I'm just saying Houston, where she's from. Oh, she's from Houston. Yes, H-Town. Okay. H-Town bitches. Well, I said H-Town bitches last week and somebody DM me. It's H-Town-Vicious. I don't care. Let me live. Someone one-time DM'd me extensively, you need to stop saying Baychella. It's B-Chella. Bitch, I listen to the album too. I know DJ Caled says B-Chella. I'm saying Baychella. Let me live. I hate well, actually, people. Well, actually, anybody that just lives to be a contrarian, shut the fuck up. You are insufferable and everybody hates you. Which, if you start more than one sentence a day with, well, actually, I promise you, everyone hates you and you're the problem. Okay, now I feel bad for this girl that's also part of the beehive, but I didn't need that

DM. I'm going to stay H-Town bitches. I love saying it. I've been saying it for years. I mean, I get it. Vicious, that's a fun word too. But I'm going to stick with H-Town bitches. I feel like you just, it was like last week when you told me about the.

the song lyrics? Yeah. I just let me live. I'm not hurting anybody by saying the wrong lyrics. Also, I'm sorry, girl. Please come to the show. We don't hate you. It's fine, but I'm not going to respond to that DM.

Actually, we should give her a comp. Just because we shout all over. And I don't know what we else in you. Reach out to us. We're going to cop your ticket to the show. No, we will. We really will, though. It's going to be GA and not VIP.

But we just caught up. We don't need to meet you. You probably don't want to meet us either. Don't egg us at our show. Okay, so March 26, H-H-O-B. Then we're heading to Dallas, March 27th, home of my father. We're doing the majestic theater we've upgraded from last year. Oh my gosh.

I'm so excited. March 27th, Cindy Hustletown's birthday. Best day? Yeah. Maybe she'll come to come to my dad. Your dad will be there. My dad will be there listening to Me Tell Blow Job Jokes for two hours. Bobby Corey, second impression Bobby will not be there, but he'll be in D.C.

He moved. Friday night. I think he's coming Friday night. Saturday night is sold out. My ex is going to be there. D.C. is going to be lit. I can't wait. I'm sorry if you guys aren't coming.

I can't wait. And then finally, wrapping up, we're going to Austin on March 29th. It's a Sunday night at Emo's Theater. Also, stepping it up due to a bigger theater this time. So big theaters, all three cities. I cannot wait for Texas. I can't wait either. I've been dying to get back.

One specific opening act I can't wait for, but we'll have fun stuff at all three. So, yeah. I got to get on it. We're working on the Australia announcement. I know you guys keep messaging us. We promise you. It's not us. It's them. Allegedly, we're going to Australia.

Allegedly. It's not us. We're working on it. And then we sell tickets for L.A. and one of the D.C. shows. So check them out. Oh, yeah. Live shows. Can't stress that enough.

L.A. will turn theater is going to be incredible. It's just, it is. It's the most beautiful theater. The most beautiful theater. Of all the amazing talent in that city and maybe some surprise guests, who knows what's going to happen, but get tickets. I don't know what's going to happen. Ashley surprises me.

I don't even know what happens at our shows until I walk on stage. Ashley lets us know. All right, well, we'll see you guys there. Yeah. Texas. So I just landed from you are fresh off the plane. Fresh off the plane. Left your notebook on the plane.

It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. My moleskin, it's like, if I don't have it, nothing happens. If you guys see a girl's got to eat notebook on eBay, because Raina left it on an airplane. Ashla asked me if those girls got to eat secrets in it. And I told her, I just Google the name Raina Hesseltine. I just doodle it over and over and over again. I said Google. Whatever.

I meant doodle. You meant doodle. You know what somebody did it? to me on the plane. It was crazy. I was sitting, she was so nonchalant about it, I wasn't even sure it happened. This girl ordered a cranberry juice. She just looked at the cup and just

turned it to the right and just dumped it all over my jeans and my white shoes and my leather bag. And again, I wasn't even sure it happened because most people would like jump in action. Oh my God. Yeah, like freak out. I'm so sorry. I see her, she grabs a napkin from the person next door and she's blotting my bag. And I'm like,

oh, you just dumped a whole cup of cranberry juice on me. Right. A red, Yep. No reaction to risk. Never even said she's sorry and just goes right back to her nap. So that's what happened to me and then I landed in it's freezing. So, you know, you leave Charleston and everything's terrible. We love Charleston. How was it? It was great. It was great. I was there for four days. It was really fun. I stayed at the hotel Bella Grace again. It smells amazing. They are so kind. It's my favorite hotel I think about every day. I walked in to check in and she just like knew who I was. Hannah Makey. She's like, you're our last person to check in for the evening. We're so happy to have you here. They're just, I could not feel.

Also, I don't know if we talked about this, but it's the perfect location because if you turn left, it's all the shopping. If you turn right, it's all the bars. So it's like right there. And you can, when I was there, my friend and I, we like a perfect three-mile 5K loop

around the battery, which is like the best place to run in Charleston, obviously, like all the beautiful painted houses and like right back to the hotel. I mean, it's perfect location, perfect hotel. I didn't come because I don't work out. Yeah, I'm just saying, can't recommend enough.

Hotel Bella Grace, obviously. You guys know we love it. I had a great weekend. I ate a lot, I drank a lot, and I had a lot of sex. That was my weekend. I met somebody there two weeks ago and I flew back to see him. Yeah. Doing a lot of fun.

So a little thing about this guy, he has two pugs, which if you guys, it's time for me to give my outdated movie review from 2012. I'm glad you found a way to, like, working in there. The campaign is an amazing underrated movie with Zach Alfenakis and Will Farrell and Zach Alfenaccus plays Marty Huggins and he has two pugs named Cupcake and Muffins. And I can't do the voice. My friend Travis can do his impression perfectly. Like, Zach Alfenakis, he's like this.

I mean, he seems closeted gay in that movie, but he has the two pugs. Like, the two pugs are hysterical. I cannot believe you were with two pugs all weekend. Okay, I walked the pugs. He almost convinced me to pick up a turd yesterday, which I was like, I wouldn't even pick up my own turds. And he was like, in what scenario would you pick up your own turd?

I was like, in what scenario would I pick up your dog's turds? Zero scenarios. No, you don't have a dog because you don't want to pick up shit You're not going to pick up shit I'm not going to touch a turn And he was like, you know, there's like a bag of material I'm like, dude, don't just justify it

me, I'm not going to do it If we had a nice time, we played with the dogs We laid around with the dogs But you walked him I walked the dog. So your second dog walk ever Very concerned Like what is she going to do with the dogs

They're so small though I figured it out When I was a kid I didn't really like dogs Which is shocking Just more proof that people change Over time I mean I was also a monster

when I was a kid, but like the first dogs I ever liked were my neighbor friends. There were these two twin girls and their grandmother would come to town with a pug. And I just remember being like, whatever this dog is, I'm into it. They're very easy dogs to be around, I think. They don't need a lot. They're cute. They don't really smell. Like, they're just easy.

They're easy for me to be around. Yeah. They can be noisy and like have nasal problems and snore and stuff. But like, I love a pug. We didn't sleep with the dogs, so I don't know what they sound like. I love pugs. They're great. They probably watched you guys fuck, though.

No, we shut the door and we fucked them. Oh, well, they had each other. Yeah. It wasn't, like, abusive. Yeah, like a gentleman. Do you shut the door when you have sex? I do not. I don't, I don't shut Dewey out in my bedroom when I have sex.

I just don't, I wouldn't do that. I feel like it's kind of mean. It's like his bed. Like, he doesn't get up on the bed. He doesn't stare at me. He's not like eye level with my ass. You know, like he just lays there and he's below the bed. I'm not seeing him while I'm having sex.

I think I've said this at one time. Like, with an ex of mine, he did jump up in the bed. while we were fucking and it was traumatic. I was like, Dewey no! Oh, Dewey did. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I don't know if I want like a dog. Again, I'm not like an animal person.

I just doesn't, he's not doing anything. I mean, I, I guess so this other time. This was very beginning of the podcast, maybe episode two or three. I was fucking that guy. I was like bent over the kitchen counter and Dewey knocked over the coat rack. Like, we were fucking the coat right. Yeah, Dewey was pissed. He was like, you're not my dad.

Like, you're attacking my mom. Yeah, I don't love when dogs watch. So I was happy with it. Also those dogs, like, I could see them just being like, like they make the crazy noises. Like, can you imagine you're like fucking a guy and there's two dogs like, I can imagine I was in college

and that guy, that guy used to let his dog, Rudy, just sit next to the bed, eye leveled to us while we were fucking. He like couldn't get enough of it. He like couldn't get enough of talking about the dog and sending me photos of the dog and thank God the dog could watch us fuck. Anyways.

Wait, if you guys haven't listened to our quote unquote pet episode, we can't, we talk about this. We touch on it lightly with the episode doing a doggy stuff. with Andrew Colin will forever be a favorite. Love that episode. I cry, laugh on the plane. Listen to that episode.

But anyways, that was my weekend. It was good. I don't have anything else to report. That is it. I had a great weekend. And you did too. I had a pretty good weekend. Yeah, I had the comedy shows for the New York Comedy Festival.

I finished a book. I'm going to recommend it to you guys. It's called The Idea of You. This book came recommended to me from Grace and Becca, who are our friends at Bad on Paper Podcast. another podcast we recommend. They talk about lifestyle books. They have guests like Cindy fucking Crawford.

Yeah. Was on their podcast. Eva Chen. Yeah. So we recommend them a lot. They're like a classier version. They're a little classier version. They wear more clothing.

Even at their shows. I was like, this is a classier live show that I said. But that book, man, it is steamy. It's like this author is like went to Columbia. So it's like if 50 Shades of Grey was like good writing. You know what I mean? I mean, I say that jokingly. It's not sex the whole time.

But there are steamy sex scenes. It's this. like older woman who starts dating like it's basically if a mom started an affair with Harry styles is what like a boy band like rock singer that like her daughter's obsessed with anyway the way it ended gutted me I had an emotional reaction I was not okay I um yeah I like had a good cry so that's that I'm not going to give any spoilers highly recommend this book the idea of you and I don't know it was a weird I had an emotional release and I will woke up and I was like, I think I'm going to try to like be more open about dating.

I've just been like not caring, genuinely not caring. I just, I don't feel like nothing's missed in my life. I don't care when I could be going on a date with a stranger. I'd rather be at home with Dewey or hanging with my girlfriends or just cooking dinner and having a night in. So, but I was like, okay, rain is off with this guy. I'm just going to put in some effort, like just something. I'm going to do something.

And actually, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going to wait for people to like me on Hinge, but if he likes me, he'll find me at home on my house. my home. But no, I did start talking to this guy and we have a date next week. Which, okay, allegedly, because here's the problem. He was like, do you want to get drinks later this week? Oh, before, we didn't say this. This is like before we leave for New Orleans and St. Louis. So we'll tell you guys how those shows were next week. Now it's Tuesday. We're leaving tomorrow Wednesday. He was like, you want to get drinks later this week. And I was like, this was Monday.

I was like, I can do drinks tomorrow, Tuesday or next week. And he was like, I can do Tuesday. Let's like get together next week, which I'm just like, that's the death wish for a random. some stranger date. Like you let a week go by. You just like, you both move on. But then he was like, well, let me get your number. And he just texted me. So it's promising.

But I'm just like, we say this all the time. Like if you, if it's a Tuesday and you're like, let's go out next week because someone's traveling, you just probably won't go out. I know. So I don't have high hopes. You're going to get a, you're going to have the balls. And you're just going to be like, hey, I'm back. Let's hang out tonight.

Also, it's good that a number exchange happened. Yes. I wasn't going to be like, here's my number. But he, like, asked for a number. So we'll see. I think that you're also balzy and confident. Like, you know, like I texted that guy last week a couple weeks ago who I'm no longer talking to,

but I was like, hey, do you want to meet me in an hour for a drink? Like, you'll do that. Like, I know that you'll do that. So I just, whatever, it's a hinge date. It's nothing special. But I just haven't been on, I've just been not going on these dates. I've been not putting the effort. If a guy asks me out, I'm not interested in going.

I've canceled a few. So I'm actually going to do it. I promise you if this, if it goes through with him, like if on his end, like, I'm going. I'm excited. And I kind of want to go to Rolfs. just really test his threshold. Yes. I love that idea, actually.

There's stuff to talk about it, Rolfs, which Rolfs, if you guys don't know, it's this year-round Christmas bar, but like once December hits, you can't even attempt to get in. There'll be a line around the block. We tried to go like, 2 o'clock on a Tuesday.

We were like, oh, we're all ahead of the game. Nope. Can't even get in the door. Nope. So maybe next week it'll be, if it's already probably crowded, but I don't know, I thought that'll be a fun first date,

like a cheesy, yeah, an activity. Where there's something to talk about. So we're going to hold you to it. And everybody this audience, hold me accountable. I just tell you this thing that happened. Okay.

This is crazy. It's going to be a little bit of like a PSA slash story. It's not funny, but it's just whatever. Strap in. Okay. So this was, I just haven't told Raina this yet at all. I just, I fell off the map for four days.

Yeah, I know better. I like leave you alone. You're great. So the other night at my show, we finished the show and everybody was like, we all hang out in the bar area after it's at this like pretty cool venue. And we're all hanging out after just basically just comics. Casey Ballsham was there and a couple other,

a couple of their guy comics. And this girl is like the last person left of like the non-comics, I guess. And we're about to leave. We're about to go to another bar. We were like looking at what bars were near us. We're out to leave and go to another bar. She is hunched over fully asleep, drunk. Her phone is in her hand.

Like it's like as if she fell asleep texting. Like hammered drunk? Hammer drunk. Like totally not coherent, huh? Okay. What time is this? Like the show was over at 10, you know? And I like at first I was like, I should meme.

I wasn't going to. I said you could meme that. Like, that's funny. So we were kind of like, not making fun of this girl, but just lightly. In the back of my head, I'm like, I want to just still make sure she's okay. I can't be out here saving every single drunk girl I see, but like, let's make sure she's good. And then this man came out of nowhere. He had been like waiting until the end of the night.

And this, like, big sweaty man came over and sat down next door. And I was like, I just don't like this. I don't like it. I don't know if he knows her. I don't know if they came together. And he is like really in her space. He basically woke her up and he's like in her space. So I'm like, maybe he's a good guy.

Maybe he's trying to make sure she's okay. Maybe he works here. I don't know. And so I am just like with kind of with an earshot, but I was like, I want to see what's going on here and get a vibe. I walk by. He is holding her hand now. This like non-coherent drunk girl. He is holding her hand and I hear him go, so where do you live?

And I was like, nope, nope. And I tell the guys and they were like, we'll go over and see what's going on. I was like, yeah, just guide a guy. Why don't you guys go see what's going on? Just, you know, whatever. I can handle this. But they were like, let's do it. they were like really chivalrous great comedians.

Alex Pavone is one of them. I love that the other guy's name is Mark Gagnon. Gagnon. They came back and they were like, it's creepy. He doesn't know her. This is a bad vibe. And I was like, well, she's not leaving with him. So we're going to make sure she does not leave with him.

He is, she's leaving with me. That guy is like, we all get up to go downstairs. Everybody gets their coats. It's like a two level thing. And he has his arm around her. And I was like, I hate this. And so they go up to him again. He's like, I'm going to make sure she gets home.

And I'm like, you're absolutely not. And we all go outside. and I'm like, guys, get her a cab, hail her a cab, I'm going to take care of this. And I pull her away physically from this man. I said, do you know this man? And she's like dead behind the eye. She's like, I don't.

And he's like, I'm going to get her home. I'm going to get her home. We're like, arguing me and this man. And he's like, I'm going to get her home. Like, you're absolutely not. I physically pull her away. I bring her outside. We put her in a cab.

The cab was like, and we're like, where do you live? She's a Jersey City. She like, mumbled the words. He was like, I'm not going to Jersey City. The cab driver would not. Alex Pavone is like, dude, what the fuck? Just take her home. She has the money, whatever.

He's like, I can't take her. Put her in another cab. Can't take her to Jersey City. I'm like, I just want this bitch to get to New Jersey. Like, I'm just trying to send this drunk bitch to New Jersey and not get raped tonight. You know, like, hello. Go back inside. I get her to give me her phone.

That other guy left. The like creepy man left. Thank God. He like knew he was like about to be on blast. He could not get out of there fast enough. He leaves. I got her phone. Luckily, pulled up her lift.

And I was like, what's your address? She couldn't tell. me. Luckily, there was a saved address in there from Jersey City. I was like, is your address 15 North 2nd Street? She's mumbled, yes. I put it in $60. I'm like, we're going to get this bitch in a lift. She was like, where's my coat? Where's my coat? They couldn't give her a coat, because she didn't have her coat check thing. I dump her bag out on the floor. I'm going through all of her shit to get the coat check thing so I can get her fucking coat and send her on her way, and we put her in the lift. And I mean, look, I don't know for sure that she got home okay,

but she seemed to me like she was coherent and going to be okay enough to get into her home, you know, like know where she lived and need to get out the car. But I still said to the lift driver. I was like, my friend's kind of drunk. Make sure she doesn't leave anything in your car. And can you watch her get into her house? He just seemed really nice. There wasn't a language barrier.

He seemed like a good guy that was willing to help. And I felt good about it. You can always say that to a lift driver or an Uber driver. You can say, can you watch me get inside? I've done it before, you know, especially when we were Mexico City. We did it. We were like, can you just make sure I get in that. the house okay. I don't really know what they would do, but hot tip, you can always say,

can you watch me get in the house? And he said, okay. So I did kind of put her fate in his hands, but I felt okay about it. I'm sure she's fine. And I don't tell the story to be like, oh, I'm a hero, you know, like brag about it. I don't get off on this. I think most normal people don't want to have to do stuff like this. But I tell the story just to drive home. If you see something, say something. Because I think people might have been like, this is fine, whatever, what's going to happen. And we were like, no. We watched it from start to finish.

And I just am sick thinking about what had happened if that man would have taken her home. I love that you do this. I'm proud of you. I think that like it's really, I think especially as New Yorkers, like our thing is just like, I don't want to get involved.

I don't want to be involved. Right. And I just think like as a woman, you just know that like something terrible would have happened to you and you just want to like pay it forward in the world. And I'm so glad that you did that.

And I think that like, you probably would have thought of that for a really long time. Like what happened? I mean, it just got to a point where like, this probably took 20 minutes. Like we wanted to go drink. We had had a great night. Like we were ready to move on with our night.

And I was like, we cannot leave this girl. Like, you just have to step in sometimes, you know? And I just honestly felt sick thinking like that guy, that girl had like she wasn't. I get kind of mean and belligerent when I used to get that drunk and like, I don't know. I think I'd put up a fight. This girl just seemed like sweet. Like I don't want to think of what that man had planned, what was going to do when he took her all the way to Jersey City or his house. You know he probably just would have taken her to.

where he lived. Yeah, of course. And she would have woken up there and she could have gotten assaulted or she could have gotten raped, whatever. I don't think that's being dramatic. Like, where did this guy fucking come from? He waited for the drunken girl at the bar and then went over and started holding her hand.

Girl, we've all been there. So good. I'm glad that you did that. It's a beautiful deed. And I think that we say that we like support women and I think that you're, and girls, stop getting so drunk. As someone who used to get that drunk, like it doesn't serve you. I'm worried about you.

You need to hear this. Stop getting that drunk and take care of your girlfriend. Don't leave them. And if you see something, say something. If you go up to a girl and a guy, this is a funny meme. This girl said she was at the gym and her boyfriend was like jokingly hitting on her, like being creepy, like jokingly. And some other girl came up and was like, hey, girl, you ready to go?

Like thought she needed saved. And she was like, oh, that was my boyfriend. Any guy, if you go up and check on a girl like, hey, is everything good here? Do you know this guy? Any decent guy is not going to get upset about that. Right. Worst case scenario, some guys started yelling at you. Who cares?

Fuck that person. But also fuck that person. That guy was a predator. So you did something good no matter what. Like, if you feel off, like women always know, I think women's intuition is so strong. Like, if you see something, say something, I just can't stress it enough. Good. I made me sick all night to think about, to think about, like, what could have happened.

But, yeah, we did a good deed. My girl woke up to an expensive house lift in New Jersey, but she did not. We got her there. To that man, which is what the most important part of the story is. Well, I'm glad that you did that. I'm glad that you gave the PSA. Isn't that crazy, though? That's a very crazy story.

Like, in real, to see it happen. You're right. It takes 20 minutes. This is how it happens, though. Five seconds you're like. I feel like we watched, like, assault about to happen. In real time, it was horrifying. Yep.

Anyway, movie review, PSA, weather report. We got it in. Don't DM us. And I'm out here in the world. I said weeks ago I was going to be out here in these streets, and I am. I got to say, there is a lot to be said for actually setting a genuine intention. I feel like that's what I did too. I was like, I should like get out there more. I have not really made that intention.

I've just been very unbothered and not caring, and I did. And like, I have a date. Yep. did it better than anybody I've seen. You have been out there. I'm a creep. No, but you really were like, I'm getting on the apps. And then you were like, I'm not getting on the apps.

I'm not getting on the street. I've just been hitting the streets. Maybe he'll come to New York. We'll hang out on the New York streets. He's got to look for New York. He would look good here. He would fit in. Everywhere.

He's a beautiful man. I am so proud of you. You haven't brought up the dick yet. Girl, I just figured in this microphone. I saw it like up close in person. Daylight so many times. This morning I was like, I don't know if I can. do this again. Girl, are you okay? No. Did you get a plan B? Yeah, it's in my bag.

I've been thinking about it a lot. My plan B? I was worried all weekend. That I was being pregnant. Yes. Okay, listen, I am also setting an intention this week and I'm going to be better about birth control. Be better about it. Just fucking get it. Be better about it. You don't even have it. Bitch, call Dr. Sean. I need a refill too. I'm going to text him today. Let's get best friend birth control. I need a new one too. We need it. Because there are so many baby's inside of me right now. Oh my God. There's 8 to 10.

And in my throat. Okay. Oh, my God. And in my butt hole. Nothing. I looked at him yesterday while we were walking the dog and I was like, I hope you know that thing is never going in my butt. And he was like, yeah, you're not the first person.

Oh my God. I also didn't need to hear that. Yeah, I don't need to hear that you've ever slept with anybody else. And also, that's not going to fit in my butt hole. So I hope you don't like butt sex. Yep. There it is. Thank you for.

being so proud of it. Can't go a week without talking about her buttholes. Anyway, guys. All right, well, let's start the episode. Okay, let's do it. I'm really excited to announce our guests today. We've wanted to have her on the show for a while. So in the house studio with us and Dewey, she has been a radio host for over a decade. She has her own show, the Taylor Strecker Show, her podcast, Taste of Taylor. She also is on a current nationwide tour opening for Stasi Schroeder of Vanderpumpurles. Please welcome to the house studio, Taylor Strecker. Hey, girl. Hey!

She's on the floor with Dewey. I'm so excited. We're so excited to have you. I've had you on the list of guests that we wanted to have for a long time. I mean, wait, tell me more about that. Yeah, let's talk more about you. I love talking about that. We just always want people that are, like, dynamic and exciting and have a cool story

and they're going to bring like a hot take to the show. And, like, we know that that's you. Thanks, girl. I met you. I came on your show. Yes. Your old Syria show, RIP. RIP hard.

Six feet under, like, for real, real. Maybe 12. And I came on it And then I was like Oh maybe I'll come on it again And then it wasn't around But then I got to watch you Build this whole other thing on your own

Which has just been so cool Thank you God It's like it's so funny I just recorded a podcast before I came here With um Do you know who Sam Roberts is? He works at Siri Sex and Radio Um he like he basically took over for Opey and Anthony

Which is like insane spot you know And we were just talking about like imposter syndrome And I was like doom and gloom And he was like girl look what you've done and I'm like, what have I done? But it's so funny, when you're in it, you don't see it at all. I almost feel like the more that happens in my career, the bigger failure I feel like. Does that make sense at all?

Wait. So you feel like a decade and 12 years in to being like a radio host, you still feel like a bit of imposter syndrome? Kind of, yeah. And like I feel like getting fired definitely supported that. And then like there is a morning period after being fired. You can pretend. Like you can talk the talk all you want.

But like I was depressed. I had to watch more on. like three times a day. And it was just like, it was rough. I was in a non-compete for three months, so I couldn't even work for three months. So you were just at home watching Moana? It was supposed to be a year.

Thank God for my lawyers. Oh, wow. It's Larry, Larry and Harry. That's such a lawyer name. Are they Jews? No, Marty and Larry. Marty is definitely a Jew. Okay, no.

Aren't those like the robbers from home alone? I feel like. Potentially. I've been watching a lot of that over the holiday season. That's Harry and Marv. Sorry, I know my movies. Don't come for me. Don't you dare to get me.

I know Home Alone. Ashley loves to do movie reviews of movies that are 20 years old. Like, it's a hot take. I love that. Have you guys seen Home Alone, too, lost in New York? There was a cameo by the president. I legit just watched it when I was in L.A., literally. It's so good. It's like, so good.

Ashley did a whole movie review of Scream last week and told everybody the whole cast of Scream. Like, this was a hot take no one knew about. 1996. Let's review Meet Me and St. Louis together. Okay, so you have this background or read. I don't even know which road to go down with you first. Let's talk about your dating life. Okay.

So are you... Trey, interesting. But are you dating, single, in a relationship? Tell the hot audience about your dating. I am very much in a relationship. Okay. I'll probably be getting engaged this spring, summer, uh, to a girl because I'm a lesbian.

Late life lesbian. I guess. Late life lesbian. And I hate the word lesbian. I'm like so anti that word. I like, I say like lesbian, like Thespian. Like a Thespian? It's like a soft ass.

You're going to start your own parade. Seriously. But no, I mean, but this is not like, it was my whole life. I was like gay and was hiding it and closeted. I thought I was total straight-o. And I just was like, why don't I like dick? Because no one does. I just, like, convinced myself that no one liked penises and everybody was lying.

Wait, I'm so curious. So you were married to a man for five years. Married to man for about five years. And we were together like eight because engaged a year and a half, engaged year and a half together for almost five. So that's substantial. And then I was like one of those girls that was like, you know, like, I always have a relationship. So I had like long-term boyfriends since high school.

And like in the beginning, yeah, like it was like fun because it was new and there was like a chase involved. But like two or three months in, I'm like, get that sick away from me. Really? But I would do it because you just got to do the dick, you know? But you didn't like wake up in the morning and want to like suck his dick. I didn't. I didn't. Oh.

Blow jobs are the worst. But all my friends like that would. I mean, I grew up in like the sex and the sex. city culture, you know? So it was like, let's go get contals and talk about dicks. And I was just kind of like, I don't get what we're doing here. And then I worked my first job in radio. I worked for Cosmo Magazine

Radio. All we did was talk about sex. Right. And they gave me an option. They were like, you want morning show or night show? I was like, night show. I'm like a party and I'm like, go out to the clubs after. And then they were like, okay, so that's like the heavy sex show. I was like, I'll take the mornings, I'll figure it out. So. And when you talk to your friend, I'm very curious about this. I have a girlfriend who's also

identifies as gay. She's married to a woman. But she said the same thing. She just thought that like everybody was pretending to like dick. Pretending! And I thought you were stupid. Did you talk to your girlfriend? Did you feel like you had people to talk to about this? I mean, so I grew up in a household that was very Catholic, very conservative, and my mom was like,

sex is for marriage. And like my mom and dad, they will say to the day they die, and I believe them. They said that they were virgins when they got married. They also got married at 21, so that tracks. Sure. But in my mind I kind of too was like maybe this is Catholic guilt, why I don't like sex? Because like maybe my mind I'm like, not supposed to be doing it. And like, Jesus

is watching and so like I should feel bad. So I kind of had that for a while. Like I was just like a goody, two shoes, good girl and I was just feeling guilty about being a quote-unquote bad girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then when I was married, I'm like, yeah, no, it's still, uh-uh, it's not, I'm not loving this. I don't know.

I thought my friends, I kind of thought everybody was lying. I did. Yeah. But I also did have friends too who kind of felt like me. That's how I feel like Game of Thrones. I'm like, do you guys really love it? Are you just like all in the bandwagon? Totally.

Totally. It's like, but do you really know what's going? on because I'm so lost and confused. Right. Like, none of you guys understand this fucking show every single week. You complain about it. But you love it. Mm-hmm. I bet.

But people always say that you like what you're good at. So guess what? Fucking your sister? I'm bad at fucking. Okay. Cyncess, graded and since. Sorry. Are you talking about game of throats?

Yeah. It's a little hot. I'm like, Taylor. Wait, my brother and I fuck. I just wanted to glide. I'm just glad right over that. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I have a little crush of my brother.

Okay, we can just move on from that. Okay. But I feel like people... I'm an incestuous slash lesbian. Normally people would be like, totally me too, but I just couldn't say it. I was like, shit out. No, I'm not going to. We're just sitting here like judging you.

No, my God, remember. Imagine if we can get married. And he's like, no. I think he was so relieved when I was lesbian. Because I think for a long time it was like, I think she likes me. He's perfect. Listen, I want to be clear on this. I'm like a mother talking about her baby.

Because we're 11 and a half years apart. So if I had like a really unstructured upbringing, he could be my child, biologically speaking. 11 years younger. So I feel like he's my age range. So is he single? Oh my God. Yes.

He is? He is. He is a Harvard graduate. What? He's cute as a button. Say no more. I don't want you to be jealous of me. Oh, I will be.

That'll be a problem. We'll have some problems. Let's not do it for our friendship. Okay. We'll talk later. How tall is he? Oh, he's like 6-1, 6-2. Oh, all right.

Well, you guys have a bot day. Let me tell you. She's like, I've been checking it. out for years. That dick is so nice. Okay, all right. So recently my girlfriend and I were talking about. I only like one dick and that's my brother.

You're talking about having kids and I was like, you know, I only want one. So I'm like, so one of us is going to biologically be the child's parent and the other one will not be biologically connected. And my Taylor, oh, my girlfriend's name is also Taylor. We're so gay. Oh, your girlfriend's. Oh, wow. Taylor and Taylor.

So she wants to carry because, you know, she's a bitch like that. But I'm like, you're six feet tall. You should carry because this body cannot handle that. I can barely handle like the weekend, let alone a child. She could gain 50 pounds. You wouldn't even notice. Like legit. Absolutely.

And I was like, so how will I feel connected to the baby? Because it's always about me. And she was like, I don't know. I was like, what if my brother was our sperm donor? And then it's like, technically my family. And then it's like, I'm having a baby with my brother. And she was like, I'm not fulfilling this fantasy. We're not doing it.

Oh, my God. So your kid would be your sister. No, my nephew or niece. Yeah. So this happened, a friend. I have a friend of mine, a girlfriend, her brother is gay. and they broached that topic with her. And we talked to her about it.

Like, how would you feel? It gets a little, the kid, it's tough to tell the kid, like your aunt is really your mom. I think that's where it would be so confusing. Like, it's not, it's, she's, to her take and my take too is like, I would do anything for my brother. It's more just like what that kind of does to the kid. And then also like the person who's the donor slash not the actual parent or whatever,

then like they have to bring that into their next relationship. Yeah, absolutely. And you go to like holidays and family. I don't know. I'm teaching their own and I think that, you know, whatever makes you happy. But I think I would be jealous with it. Their thing was just they're so attractive that he was like, we want the jeans. You know what I mean?

That's like Zach. He's smart and attractive. And Harvard. And Harvard. Okay. Let's move on. So this is our incest episode. Yay.

I'm so excited to be part of the title. So you thought everybody was lying about Dick like they lie about Game of Thrones. Totally. And that was just that. I conceded. So when I met, I call my ex-husband wasband. I think it's just. kinder. It's like ex is so

aggressive. Was been was my husband. So you guys are cool? We're so not cool. Oh, okay. But when you guys were together were you... He hates things. He's saving the He hates it. Like, I sometimes my... This is a crazy story. What did you do? This is a crazy story and I've

never told this and I cannot believe I'm telling you guys right now. Do it. So it's gonna be, I mean, I'm gonna get myself in so much trouble. So my... No one listens to the... Yeah, no one's listening. So when I first move into my apartment post marriage. So I was like, listen, I want a divorce, I'm going to move out.

I thought we were going to sell the apartment because I was like in the pre-knap, but like, he still lives there. So whatever. But I moved out and I was like, I wanted to move into like a luxury building. You guys know what I'm talking about. Like this one. I need a little dormant. I need a little luxury, you know? So I had to get a guarantor because you have to make like,

what is it like six or eight? Eighty times. 80 times your monthly rent for a guarantor in New York. It's impossible and insane. So I asked my parents, duh, and my dad goes, you know, no. And I was like, why? He was like, what if his family kills you? And I was like, that's, you're concerned, is that I'm going to get killed by the Jewish

mafia? They're not the Jewish mafia, by the way. I want to be clear. But I was like, but I guess that's a testament to how much him and his family don't like me. Because my dad was concerned about your murder. I'm like, what if you die and then I have to pay your rent for the next year. That's wild. So my dad did not guarantee me.

I love your dad. just trust your parents and what they say is fact. Like if my dad was worried, I was going to get murdered, I'd be like, well, I'm going to get murder. No. Like, my dad knows what's best. He knows what's happening. He can't see it.

They're not murderers. They would never murder me. But like, I guess the point is, they don't like me so much that my dad, that thought might have crossed his mind that, like, what if one day they hire a hit man? I like that he's not worried that you're going to die. He's worried he's going to be on the hook for the rent. Yeah, that really hurt my feelings. That was the one that really hurt my feelings.

He's like, what did you do to him? Why does he hate you so much? The question, girl. is what did they do to me? And what did I tell the truth about? Aha. That's where the, that's where it all lies. I was like, my ex-in-laws are just very,

I'm not going to say private people because they call themselves pillars of the community, which private people don't really say. I feel like anybody that says I'm a, that sentence, I'm a pillar of the community probably thinks that they're a private person. Right. They probably think a lot of things about themselves

that aren't true. True, true. Yeah. So I had a microphone in front of my face for so many years. And so what I would do was on serious, I would like, I got really good at like making like mish-mosh stories. So like I would tell stories that happened to me, but I would like combine too so that people couldn't quite figure out

if I was talking about them because it gets you in a lot of fucking trouble. We know. So post-divorce, post-depriation, post-divorce, and then in a new relationship with a girl, I had to come out on the air. So of course, everybody was like, oh my God, we now understand. That's why you got a divorce. You're a gay person. And I was like, no.

I got a divorce because I didn't get along with my in-laws. And let's be clear on that. This wasn't like... Oh. Because, and that was the thing is, when I came out to my parents, it was hard. They're great now. But my mom was like, wonderful. Now his family gets to tell the whole world,

i.e. their friends, that you were gay the whole time and that they did nothing wrong. Because, like, really, they had... Listen, it takes two to tango. So I'm culpable as well. I can't fight with yourself. But they had skin in the goddamn game. They did not make it easy for us.

Can we talk about that? Is that a drive? Absolutely. fucking loot. But that is so true. Of course that's what they get to say. Of course. Of course they're just like, well, she was a lesbian.

She always was. She was a girlfriend now. Case closed. So when I had, when I finally came out, because it took me like about a year to come out on the air. So they had a whole year of telling everybody,

like in their circles and the city. In the community of their pillars of. Of course. Pillars of the community. You have to believe them. And anyway, so when I came out on the air, was bent, texted me.

At this point, we were amicable. And he texted me and said, I just want to say congratulations on, coming out on the Arab that takes a lot of guts. So nice. Next comma. Stop talking about my family. But what I was doing was I wasn't talking about his family directly.

I was telling my story. Right. And that was something that they never quite understood. Like, they didn't really live in the real world. They lived in their pillar of the community world. And they liked that. And I was like a damage and a threat to their dynamic and like the stories, the narratives they told themselves.

They didn't like that I had a different narrative than them. Like their narrative was, I remember. were fighting with one of his family members one time, and I said, you weren't nice to me. It was like that simple. And the response was, all my friends loved me. Huh? That's not, no.

You weren't nice to me. I don't give a shit about your friends. And also, I was your writing. And they don't like you. Absolutely. But that's besides the point. That's crazy. That's crazy.

So no accountability. No kind of ability. No self-awareness. No, like, it wasn't even logical. And so, like, for me to tell my side of the story and be like, no, it's because, and I didn't really even go into details. I was just like, didn't get along with the family. And that's,

And that of them just made them so mad because they had a whole year of getting to tell the world. It was all Taylor's fault. And so, and I told him, I am not going to stop telling my version. And, like, you can't prevent me from telling my side of the story. And basically, he was like, I was basically like, and thank you for reminding me why we got a divorce. Yeah. I think it's important to talk about this stuff. Like, not just as a person who has, like, a platform or radio show, but anybody that, like, has a problem with someone's family, whether it's your in-laws or you weren't married, just, like, feeling like your narrative is not their narrative.

You know, whether you have a giant platform or. not. Okay. So you were saying, I love that we're talking about this. We've never talked about in-laws on the show. So it's a real thing. You almost called off your wedding because of this.

Yeah. And so... Oh, so this was from the start. Well, they were really good for the first year and a half of our dating. Plus, I was also really drunk and on other substances. And also we were going to nightclubs

were going on vacations. I was very distracted. Right. I was buying Christian Lubitans for the first time. I didn't know what was going on. And then we got engaged. And then it started.

And it started over bridesmaid's dresses, which is so, dumb. And the second it happened, I said, oh, my God. Basically, somebody in the family who was going to be a bridesmaid said, like, I was just in a wedding and had to wear the ugliest bridesmaid's dress. What are you thinking for yours? I said, I honestly haven't even thought about it.

We just got engaged literally. And I said, I don't know. You know, I'm from New England. I'm like a wasp. I'm thinking like, T-length. And she was like, oh, no. And I was like, well, then fine. Something else.

And then she was like, no, you will do Grecian. And I'm like, what? Just stop. That's so weird. And so it was just getting very aggressive. for like no reason. Yeah. And then,

Wosbeen, then Fiancee walked out and was like, what's going on? I was like, we're just talking about the bridesma's dress. This is super fun. And so she walked away. She was like in a fucking mood. And I looked at him and I said,

I started crying. And he said, what's wrong with you? And I said, I just realized that your family's going to make all the decisions about the wedding. And I'm just going to say yes to them because I want them to like me and I don't want to fight with them. And he won't like this to me.

Aw, that's sweet. And I went, oh, fuck. Taylor. I feel like I have like chills from And then you're like, and I don't like your dick. And I don't even like that. I love your credit cards. I love your credit cards.

Did they have like, they had money to whatever you're having? No, my parents paid the same amount as them and then wasn't when I chipped in the same amount as everybody else. So it was like a same split. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, that was the thing too. I mean, like, listen, no, they're definitely like, they're pillars of the community

after all. They're wealthy. But can I get real? In New York City? They're not New York City wealthy. And that sounds really fucked up. No, it doesn't. It's just, we know, we know what you mean.

Like, if you're, if I'm going to suffer under that and my life's going to be in your hands, I better have yachts. I better be on private jets, but like really good ones. Not like dinky, shitty ones. That's so true. Like, if I'm going to be miserable, like, I better be on a fucking yacht. I need hedge fund money. With your shun money.

Absolutely. With your shit family, we better be on your goddamn private jet if I'm going to hate you guys. I get it. Right. Like, there needs to be way more money than this to get me to like sign on for the rest of my life. Okay. So you're planning your wedding and it's starting to wash over you like this is going to be a problem for the rest of my life. So my parents were like we're not spending like our third of it until you guys go to a couple's therapy.

So we started going to couples therapy. Oh, interesting. Yep. Because at the end of the day, honestly, the family can be the family. What's important is that your spouse has your back. Yes. And he didn't feel like that. And he was waffling.

It's been his whole life to be like the best good boy son to this family, the best brother to his sisters. So like, it was, he was just doing what he knew to do. He has to be a good guy. I actually have to say, like, I, like, adore my ex-husband. I know he doesn't, like, he's still mad of me. So he's, like, because of what we're doing right now, like, this makes him hate me. But

I, I really, he's a great guy. Like, he just needs to be with a girl that his family like totally co-signs, and or that, like, doesn't have a ton of opinions, and it's kind of just like, whatever. I sound like you. Yeah. Totally sounds like him. You sound super docile. Yeah. How did this even, how did this even work in the first place? No offense.

The fact that I had a radio show, that was just like constant fear. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. But like my thing is... Some family with money that thinks they have like a high... Like they think they're like probably more important than they are. Yeah, you're their nightmare. Nightmare.

But then I'm like, but if I'm your nightmare, only give me good things to say about you. Imagine that. You know? Yeah. Kiss my fucking ass. And then we'll be great. I'll be raving. But I'm like, you're totally crazy if you think that you're going to do this shit to me

and I'm not going to read your emails on the air. I'm not going to say it's from you. but I'm going to read the emails on the year. And everybody's going to know it's from you. No, they didn't. I'm a really good hider. What would you say it was about somebody else's family? I would say like, oh, I have a bridesmaid that's no longer in the wedding party because she did this.

Okay. So people, I mean, maybe, my audience is pretty smart. But maybe some people were like, okay. You know, she, like, oh, maybe it's a bridesmaid who got, like, who she got rid of. So now we don't know who it is. This is also don't forget in a time where there was no Instagram. Less easy to stalk people. Absolutely.

For sure. So, like, this starts to, like, wash over you. This is going to be a problem. He doesn't know how to manage it. He will not, like, tell his parents to back off of you. And this great, all these terrible problems. And also the thing, too, was it was, like, parent-in-laws are tough because, you know, you want, who doesn't want to be liked?

Like, a lot of times the narrative in their mind was, you're trying to rip our family apart. And I'm like, yeah, you know what? That's what you do. You come into a team of, like, fucking 27, because they had a huge family, like, close cousins. And I'm like, I just try to fuck shit up. You're just going to unibomb the whole family. That's what you're going to do?

She's trying to rip the family apart. You're like, I'm good. You're like, I have a radio career. I just bought lubitons. Like, I have my own shit. I don't care about you guys. Just be nice to me. Like, please.

Or talk behind my back. Remember when I said, say it to my face, scrap that, go back to talk by my back. That's so true. That is so accurate. Just say it. Like, when people, like, people send us, like, nasty DMs or they'll write, like, bad reviews. I'm like, just talk behind our backs. Some manners.

You know? Like, come on. Talk about us all you want in private. So why did you decide to go through with the, I was a pussy. I was 27. I don't know. Well, I called my, I remember driving back.

Did you think like this is supposed to be my life? Like I found this rich, nice guy or whatever. And like, of course, like, I can't call this wedding off. And also it was like I was on the radio. It was like the height of my career. Like, you were covering it on the show. Like I'm like, this is so embarrassing. But you're just like I'm a normal person.

They will have to come around at some point. And that was it. I was like, no, I can get them here. We can do this together. I will go to therapy alone. I will go to therapy with him. We will figure this out. They will make them love me.

And we will make this better. But you know what? Like because of like the reputation was so important, the privacy was so important, I broke that code when we were in the engagement phase. Therefore, I honestly, when I read the email on the air about the bridesmaid's dresses and I said it was a bridesmaid who was no longer in the bridal party. So by all accounts, nobody knew who they were. This is before social media, by the way. Right. But they were like circle the wagons.

Hager. Circle the Wags We Hater. And then, and that was it. There was no coming back ever came back from that. It never came back from it. Did you? I'm so curious. Did you ever say to them? Like, I always wonder with people like this, do you have like a come to Jesus mom where you just finally look somebody in the face and say like, I know you don't like me. Can we just fix this? Yes. Yes. Yeah, I was fine. I said, listen. Who was a, was it was the mom? Was it was the mom? I actually liked the mom. Like, listen, we had some stupid fights. It wasn't the We had some stupid fights and she could be real broady. Okay?

Dad was a super passive aggressive. Who was it? It was not apparent. I'll say that. Okay. Okay. And honestly, I feel like if this person wasn't the family, like was never born. I think it actually would have been fine.

Oh my gosh. Honestly, I really do. But it was just we, the two of us, could not get over it. And this person was, just happened to be the one who was kind of like, had the most say out of all the siblings. Does that make sense? She like, she like egged everybody on against you. She was kind of like, yeah, that was just like the,

role in the family what she says goes and her narrative is the reality and that's just that. Which would be me in our family. Which would be in our family. I was thinking that. Like if I had a problem with, I mean. So think about this when, you know, you have a brother you said. So when your brother like eventually gets married, think about the power you exert over their happiness. He dated one terrible girl and I was like this, she will never be in our family.

No, that was me. Hi. No, it was. I would love if my brother was. with somebody like you that I was like that was like me and we could be best friends. I love his, I love his girlfriend.

But no, it was bad, but he was bad for her. She was bad for him. He was having anxiety attacks, whatever. We got rid of her. But they felt like that about you. Totally. Oh my God. And so basically it got to a point where I was like, listen,

I think my real issue here is that we have to always pretend that we're best friends. And then like no one talks to me at the dinner. Super weird. Like he like bribed with Chanel bags. And I took them because I'm that kind of bitch. Fucking Chanel? Sure, I'll go to a dinner and have nobody talk to me.

So he was like, I wanted to. But then I felt gross. And I was like, I'm giving the Chanel back. But I didn't. I still have it. She's beautiful. She's, you want to know? Caviar, Jumbo Classic, like tan with gold hardware.

Why does anybody ever bribe me with anything? Has it been like potato chips. Like, people look at me. People look at me and they're like, she's more of a gap kids kind of bag. You know, I don't want to get her anything nice. Yes. So you were telling us about this conversation you had with. a problematic family member of your

husband, please continue telling us about it. So basically, we had this, I was like, let's just stop pretending we're friends. That I want to stop. And that was like the final big fight that we had. Was this like a sit down? It was a phone call. It was always a phone call.

And started by an email, which always get, I can't even answer my emails now. I have like 8,000 emails and answer because I'm like, have PTSD. Because she might write you an email. She still could. She might write now. I had that from an old boss for years.

We all, this, all of us at work for this woman. When I open my email, I would like tense up. Right? The reason I ask is if you, how you guys communicated, because I think, like, if people are relating to your story listening to this, they're like, how do I approach the problematic family member? I think you handle everything straight on with honesty and transparency, and that's exactly what I did.

And I promise you, you'll get an answer. Either the answer is, okay, we can coexist and figure this out. Like, I said, I just really don't want to be your friend. I don't want to. I don't trust you. I don't like you. I know you don't like, or trust me. You said I don't like you and I don't trust you.

Yeah, let's just stop being, like, we're in. in-laws. So we'll see each other and be cordial. And that's it. I don't want to overlap friends with you. I'm done. Let's have separate lives. Please and thank you. And then it was like, the whole family was like, if this is what you guys are going to do. And what's been actually supporting me in that. He said, you know what? Some people just don't match. Let's just like live our lives. I said, you can still have a relationship with your brother. He's your fucking brother. Just go on vacation without me. And that was when it was like, either she's on board or everyone's against you guys. And I'm like, this is so forget it. And I said to him,

you know what, what makes you happy, your family makes me legit miserable. And also, like, my friends and family, you're fine, but you don't adore them. They don't fill your soul. So, like, one of us has to totally change who we are in order to stay married. And that's not fair to either one of us.

Right. So let's just do the damn thing and get divorced. And he was actually, like, at first he said, I'm shocked, which was shocking to me that he was shocked. And then he said, like, a couple days later, thank you for doing what I couldn't. Wow. So you think for a long time, this had been weighing on him and you.

Yeah, he loves his family. And he liked the dynamic. Like he's used to it. It's all coo-yo with him. But that's the thing is like, I promise you, if you're at least honest with people, you will get an answer. And so the answer was like, this is not, like, I'm not going to do this for the rest of my life.

Yeah. And the only way to coexistence family is to do something that's going to make me, like, literally, like, drink martini's 8 o'clock in the morning. And, like, which, like, stuff my personality and my soul. So I'm like, this isn't going to work. How long? It's crazy. It lasted five years.

Yeah, I was wondering, like, how long it, how was your relationship with your husband? Yeah. Did you guys? You, like, never had sex. which I loved. I was like, this is ideal. Did he want to? I'm just so curious.

He initiated sex? He kind of left me alone, which is why I married him. We weren't very sexual. I also convinced myself when we were like dating and getting engaged and stuff. I was like,

people just need to end up with their sexual match. So like it's like a sexual puzzle piece. Like if you have a highest sex drive, be with somebody with the high sex drive. If you've a low one, be with somebody with the lower one. So I just thought we were like in the lower quadrant.

I get that. That makes sense. Like, yeah, that makes totally. sense. But he probably just hated me the whole time. No. He's like, listen, my mom hates you and it makes me not want to fuck you. I just gotta be honest. It doesn't normally make people want to fuck you? Doesn't get my dick hard. Was the divorce crazy?

No. It was good. Super fast. Super amicable. We had a pre-nup. Got it. Well, then there you go. Technically, it was sell the apartment. He didn't want to sell the apartment. And I'm like, you know what? I then let's figure out some sort of compensation for the apartment so that you get staying in it. We did pretty quickly. Okay. And yeah, we were, I mean, I mean, I mean, we were divorced within, like, I would say, eight months of separation.

Did you keep the Chanel bag and the red bottoms? You know it, Queen. And you also let me keep the Rolex. Thank you. Oh, girl. You divorced well. I know, I do. I'm really, you know, it's too bad I fell in love right after

because I could have done this to, like, a lot of guys. I would have been like, I would have been like Lily Vanderwoodson. You still have the same. She's my role model. You just, he's still recycle the same emails that you use for his family. You're like, I already have emails read. I don't like you. I don't want to be your friend, and I'm not a part of this family.

But I'll take that Rolex. Thank you. So in your ideal, he gets to hang out with you. Also, you can find a situation where he marries him. It's very rich. You don't have sex and they can have sex with other people. You know what? You still get their money. How in retrospect though?

I'm like, well, if I was going to be a big old lesbian. You know what? Who knows what he's doing these days? I'm like, shit. Why don't we just stay together and like have flings on the side? Yeah. Did you suggest that? No, because I didn't know.

She didn't realize. I didn't know. Is he remarried or anything? As far as I know, no. Available? No communication. I'm pretty sure he's available. Guys, he's great.

He sounds rich. Between him and your brother, I think I'm going to get late soon. I mean, honestly, I swear like I want to set him up with people. But if he doesn't trust me, so I don't think that would really work. I could just try to run into it. Just pretend like you don't know me. I can tell you where he's going to be, probably. What if I started dating your husband and then never mentioned that I knew you?

And then we started dating. We were pretty serious. And he started to go back in the podcast archives. And he's like, what the fuck? And then I tear apart the family. Oh my God. For the second time. I'm just smiling.

It's a long con. It was the long con years after. No, sometimes I'm so paranoid that I'm like, is my girlfriend Taylor a long con from his family? Like, I think that, like, is she with me? And they, like, they paid her for like 10 years because she's got like six more to go. Okay. Now we got to hear about that. So when did you realize your deep love for pussy?

Ha. Still looking. Oh, you don't like that either. So I think I don't, you know, if I have to pick a sexuality, I'm going to go with asexual. Okay, I'm just messing with you. I'm very curious how you, like, met his girl. I want to know how you met her. So she was like my new best friend.

We worked together. Okay. And then. Shortly after divorce? So she, I met her in October. We were separate. So she came to my life when I was like, knew I was gearing up for separation and, like, needed to find my own friends.

Because we had all these couple friends. and we like live in his, like, it's his turf. I'm from Boston. So I was like, I'm going to start making new friends and her girls. And he was like, okay, whatever. So I, like, created this, like, new crew. And she was a part of that crew.

Okay. And so we became close. I didn't know she was gay. And when I found out, I was like, I'm so cool. I have a lesbian friend. Good for me, you know, like filling the quota. And I'm so dynamic and diverse. I'm such a New Yorker.

I know, right? And we just, so she became, like, one of my closest friends. And knowing that I was gearing up for this, I needed people that, didn't like, that weren't entrenched in our relationship. So I think that's, I put like so much into our friendship and whatever. So I told her like maybe a month before I was going to divorce him, maybe even shorter.

I'm like, I'm divorcing him, whatever. So I was like, my lawyer took a pack a bag of all my shenhell packs and all my, all my Rolexes. And I need a trusted friend. So you're my trusted friend, which says, she was my best friend at the time. So she kept on my shit. I would like crash on her couch, other friends' couches. And then, like, I would say, I don't know.

I was drinking a lot, like a month and a half, two months, two and a half months afterwards. We were out one night. We were like always hanging out and she kissed a girl and I got like jealous and I'd seen her kiss girls before

that never triggered me that way. And I was like, oh my God, I'm so wild. The bitch of what we say it, this is what we do. So I was like, let's just like bring it up when we're drunk, which would be the very next day. And I was like, we should make out. And she was like, no, thank you. Rejected.

And she was like... But did you say it as like a joke? No. I was like, no, for real, real. And she was like, no, for real real. Because you're straight. You're going through a divorce. And also...

She just knew. She, like... I lose interest in like two seconds. And I'm kind of your best friend, judging by how often you sit in my couch. So maybe we can just be friends. That's probably better for longevity. And I was like,

mm-hmm, okay. And then we went on this trip together that was kind of like a work trip that I had already like hired her for, like, in advance. Because she does videography. You hired her so you could fuck her. Yeah, I was basically her.

wine steam basically I was like want to watch we shower she's a pressure see that plan over there I'm gonna jerk off into it that's Louis right I can't keep them straight so we were sharing a room and a bed because when I booked it we were friends and I was saving costs because I was getting a divorce like wink wink you were saving costs you're like they only had rooms with one bed if Raina does this to me one day we check in the hotels and she's always like did you make sure to get a room with two beds and I'm like no Ashley I specifically asked for rooms of one bed because I'm dying to sleep with your 5-10 body I want to listen to the white noise in your phone I want you to snore next to my own that's what I'm really looking for bitch you're the one that snores I actually put a note in the reservation and I'm like when we check in tell the person I'm with you only have rooms with one bad it's gonna I know you do I'm kidding we get separate rooms now and we don't sit together on planes even except that one time we've sat together one guys roll and Rana popped open a soup I'm like this bitch One time we sat down. I actually just, I'm taking my first trip without Ashley.

Are you scared? I'm so scared. I'm so scared. No, my first trip in like four months without her, I'm taking it. I will have been back, I guess, by the time this episode comes out. But yeah, I don't know how to, like, do airports without her. I don't know how I'm going to put my suitcase up in the bin without her. Oh, that is hard without a friend.

I don't know how to. I mean, I'm clearly the man in this relationship, just on my build alone. But yeah. Who's going to yell at people for me? I'm just airports without her. We're codependent. All right. So, anyway, so now you, Harvey winds up on that trip.

She winds you, con her into being in bedding. Yes, totally. Were you guys drinking? Always. I'm always drinking. I feel like she finally was like, okay, fine. The first time I met you had a crush on you, saw your enormous engagement ring, figured she's taken that so we'll be friends. And that was that.

But then when you, like, said something out, I got scared because I, like, don't, no lesbian wants to be the one that, like, the straight girl experiments with. I get it. Nobody would want that. And then she was like, you really want to do this. do this, though, like, are we going to be in a relationship? Because I think that's the only way that we can, like, go forward. And I was like, well, I'm not really a hooker-upper.

Like, I'm not, like, a Tinder girl. So I guess I could, yeah, I could commit to that. But I'm like, but we're going to keep it a big, huge secret, okay? So come back in the closet with me. And then I was, like, really slow because I'm so scared. Like, this is, I felt like I was, like, 13 again. Like, what's private parts? Mm-hmm.

Say private parts. Right. And that was the first time we'd ever, like, been with a girl? Ever, ever, ever, ever. But you just knew you were attracted. to her? Yeah. It was like, she's like, you guys will meet her one day. She is, everyone's attracted to her. She's six foot tall. She's thin.

She's blonde. She's got swagger. She looks like belake lively. That's who I would want to be with you. It's stupid. I'm trying to be a lesbian. I can't help. I hope nobody like is offended by that. I like just genuinely think I would do better as a lesbian. I am thriving. I think sexuality is really fluid. One of my best friends

was, I mean, she doesn't care if I say this on the podcast. She was a huge horror in high school and college. She fucked everything. They're normal lesbians. All of a sudden, she, I mean, she loves it. And she is married to a man now. A wonderful man who she's been with for a long time. But she dated a girl for like four years right in between.

And like a girl who's very butch and like I was just like, you know, are you a last? I mean, I was young when this house 22. I was like, are you a lesbian? I was trying to define it. She was like, it's just about the person. That's where I am. I don't think that she had like the verbiage to put to it, you know, because I didn't either. I was 22.

I didn't fucking know. I didn't know people that woke up and suddenly were a lesbian. but she was like, I'm not a lesbian. I'm just like a person. I'm in love with this person. And I think there's a lot to probably be said for feminine and masculine energy. Like there's like,

there's women that I've found myself feeling like maybe attracted to. Yeah. And then because they are serving like a little more of like an energy that I'm attracted to. Yeah. Like I wouldn't find in certain men. Totally. Like it's just, I remember that woman in Atlanta?

I was like, am I flirting with her? Yeah. Tell me about her. She was like giving off vibes. But we sat there in the corner and talked for a while. And I was like, huh. It was like a little touchy, yeah. I was just like, she, like, she'd like a sexy energy to me.

That's, I think that's great, though. I think sexuality can be fluid. Like, I've, I mean, I've hooked up with girls. I, like, really enjoyed hooking up with girls. And I don't identify as gay, but, like, I enjoyed making out with girls. I mean, I've gone down on girls. I've had girls go down on me. Like, do you consider yourself bisexual?

I don't, you know, I don't want to be like, in one of the phase because that diminishes, like, how important of a thing that was in my life. Like, I was, like, 19. I hooked up with girls. I really have always really liked lesbian. porn. It was just something I really wanted to do. I was attracted to women

and honestly today I'm not. I'm not like just, I'm not hiding it if I wanted to hook up with a girl. I hook up with a girl. Totally. But I just think that like you change and your preferences change. Totally. I hooked up with girls. I wanted to. I did it. I'm glad I had the experience. It doesn't it's not something I want to do today. But like

I'm, I think it's an important thing that I did. I mean, your tasted men changes, you know? I know. I always say that if Tain I don't work out, which like, whatever, I'll be like outside your window. I've jumped off the roof. Yeah, we'll catch you. It's a great rooftop. I know.

It seems very high. Hang on the roof before you, John. Have some, have some rosay up there and then just take it like, take it up. But I'm like, I would find a really, the oldest, richest dude I could find. Because I would never, I swear to God, this is so cheesy. I am so in love with Taylor. I've never experienced love like this. And she's the love of my life.

I would never find this kind of love again. There'd be no fucking point. So let's just find a rich dude with no sister-in-laws and like just get on that goddamn private jet. I hear you. Okay, so you were like, okay, yeah, I guess we'll date, I don't know, and then was it just on from then? It was on, but it was like slow. Like, like, I was so scared going down on her.

It was like so scary. Like, am I going to hate this? Like, because I feel like too, when you're raised in like straight culture, men are so mean about vaginas. Like they say like they smell, they're ugly. Like I'm like, I've been traumatized from like high school. There was a kid in my town. My mom was like, never let a boy touch your vagina

because he'll tell everybody what looks like it when it smells like. And I was like. like, ah! And then I'm in high school, and my friend's sister, who was older, hooked up with, like, The Townhunk. And he told everybody, it trickled down to middle school. That's how much everyone knew. Like, I think my mom knows that this girl he hooked up with, her vagina was, like, chopped beef, hamburger meat. And I, and every time I see her, when I go home for, like, Thanksgiving, I'm like, burger, burger badge. Like, I can't drop it. Like Arby's, we got the meats. It's like that roast beef sandwich. Well, actually, Nikki

Glazer does a very funny joke. It's one of my favorite jokes. Do you watch her special? And she talks about how men, like, and you guys should watch her special. It's called banging. We all promote it all the time. It's on Netflix. But she says how men like call it roast beef. And she's like going off just like you did. And she goes, but it's so dead on. It does look like that. It's so dead on. And like, again, that's men should never have vagina shame. But like, it's funny the way she says it. What did she say? She said it was a suitcase that was like packed poorly. That's what she says in one of her special. A sloppily packed suitcase. But I think that like it's so crazy. this is a gaping hole into your body.

First of all, of course it smells. It's a hole to your... To the inside of the cavity of your body. So of course it smells. But like, let's talk about what else smells. Dix. Right. Dix aren't such a prize and your balls.

And also like it's not what... The giantons are beautiful, but like everybody's looks different. Nobody was born with a perfect labia. Right. Like who gives you... I have a lot of labia shame and fear, you know, about how... What is everybody. But it's like you can try.

track it back to where it happened. Like, we can all, like, all the things that we are, like, insecure about and we're traumatized from, you know why. Like, tracks back to your childhood, this kid in the neighborhood and your parents. It's like, duh. Right. Of course, you feel that way. But I will say, I've never, this is so gay.

I've never loved my vagina more than when I was a lesbian. Because, like, I'm like, well, vaginas are beautiful. Be proud of yours. Be proud of yours. Like, I think Nikki thinks, like, I'll say this, because Nikki has always been with men, I understand why she has vagina hate, and she's, Like it does smell. It is weird looking, but you know what?

It's not. They smell good. They do. Raina was upset recently. You thought it wasn't smelling. Remember you called me? Oh, I told Ashley that my vagina didn't have a smell anymore. But I thought that was a positive thing and she was upset about it.

It was odorless for like a while. Sometimes that happens. It's okay. Just call me the next time that happens. I'll walk you through it. Why is there no odor? I'm like so, because I love the way my vagina. Put on fat, fat, blacks and run around the block.

You'll be fine. Rain is like, I'm not doing that. She doesn't work out a day in her life. She's like, I'm never going to do. Oh, my gosh. Same. No, no, no, no. But I've had, like, more, like, vagina confidence than I've ever had before.

Yeah. Of course, I believe that being with a woman. Yeah. What was it like? I'm so curious. I just, I remember this moment. I still remember it, like, when I was with my girlfriend, who you know, when she told me that she was dating a woman.

And I just, like, couldn't get it through my head. Oh, I have so many friends. I was so young because I just, I kept saying, like, what do you mean? Like, I wanted her to define it. I wanted her to explain it to me. I had like a really hard time. Now, I don't go to shit. I'm like so much more evolved than that.

Right. Okay, so how did your friends react to this? My friends weren't great. Honestly, they were kind of cunts about it. They were just like super judgy. Like they were like, and the what? No, wait. And then I'm like, you guys, remember how much I hated dicks?

It kind of tracks. And they were like, no, you're just being crazy. You're wasted. Are you doing drugs again? It was just like so much judgment. And they just like couldn't, you know? They were short-circuiting, which was crazy because they all had fucking orgies

with each other on spring break. and broke like sliding glass door. So I'm like, what the f- You can't judge me? Well, they were like, different because I was just drunk and hooking up with a girl. I'm not dating a girl. So hypocritical.

They're like a Mexican Xanax. They're like, that's why I did it. They all voted for Trump too. Honestly, who knows? My parents were atrocious. My dad better than my mom. My mom literally tried to adult ground me and I was like, I pay my own rent

because dad and you didn't thank you for not. Dad, maybe if you were my guarantor, you could have some say in this. But now I got to go. Excellent callback. You missed that boat. Dad, I didn't get murdered, but I'm a lesbian now. What's worse?

He's like, man, I mean, I'll hire a hit man now. They weren't awesome. They weren't awesome. But now they're super great. And I had to have that weird conversation where they were like, finally my mom was like, I'm so sad this is like months later. And I just said to her, don't ask about my relationship. Like if I was like fucking a million different guys in a night,

you would be numb the wiser. And I wouldn't tell you, my private is my private is, don't ask me. She was like, fine. And then, like, six months later, I'm, like, fully with Taylor now. She's, like, basically living with me. And my mom comes to visit and I'm like, hide your stuff. Like, leave! Go to, like, Pinarid after the street.

So you were still hiding it for six months. Yeah. Okay. And then my mom, I was on vacation with my parents, soup's fun. And they were like, we're going to Turks and Cake goes. I was like, I'll be there for one and a half nights. They were like, it's turks of her. So they were like, get in and get out.

My mom said, I'm, she started crying. I'm just so sad. I really encourage divorce because I thought it would make you happier and you're not happier. I said, Mom, I'm so happy. And she said, well, you never tell me. And then my dad was like, is it because Taylor makes you happy? And I was like, uh-huh. And so then they were like, okay, let's do this.

And we said up to like the sun came up. And I said, ask them all. I know I can see them in your brain. Yeah. And so. I love who you said that. They did. They asked about dildos.

My mom denies it, but she did it. But your dad wanted it. Your brother. Do you guys drink? Or is everybody drinking? We were all drinking. So you basically. So you basically, like, they were upset, then they were in denial,

and then you had to come to Jesus. And then it was like, okay, we're doing this and we'll try to be. And then my Taylor was so cool. She was like, I came out with my family. My family's Catholic too. I get it. Takes a while. Because it's like they weren't expecting it.

So she said, you just have to keep going back and being you. Because their biggest fears you're going to become a different person, you know? And like, who you're with doesn't define who you are. So I just keep going back and being like me and normal. and bring Taylor back and just be us and normal-ish. I mean, we definitely curb down, like, the romance factor when we're with our families. You know, like, hold hands at first. It's the only thing that, like, I'm, like, keenly aware of.

I mean, most parents just want to see their kids happy. I mean, and I guess also if you grow up really Catholic or whatever religious, it's like a fear of the unknown, right? So they're just like, wait a minute, what's going to happen to our daughter? It's like literally nothing. Nothing. But you know what it is everyone in this world has expectation. And so your parents' expectation is, like, of, like, you being happier,

your life's going to look like theirs. I mean, being a parent's kind of narcissistic in a way. Yeah. So I feel like when you don't mimic their life, it's like insulting or concerning. My dad's number one thing is like money. Like he's like, do you have money? Are you going to have money? You're going to have enough money.

Pay for dinner. And I'm like, well, that doesn't track. If you're worried about money, why am I paying for dinner? These are your children. I did not create them. But I think he's like testing me. And now I've become almost like my dad's peer. Like we're both breadwinners.

And so he now talks to me kind of like I'm the son. Yeah. The older son he never had, but he never knew how much he wanted. I think you're so right, though. Parents just want their kids to be happy. And they hear, like, she's a lesbian. Is she never going to have kids now? Is she never going to be accepted by society?

Yes. And I think that they're probably like a, I mean, obviously Catholic guilt is different because religion, but like there's probably part of them. It's just like, is her life going to be harder. And I love what you said about the narcissism. That is so accurate. Like on some deep level, it has to be that, like, you don't want the same type of life.

So they feel judged. Like I'm rejecting. Like you're rejecting the life. saw that they thought was the norm and what everyone should strive for. That's an interesting take. I'm sure that's how a lot of people feel. They wouldn't admit it. But it's like the underlying level of why they're really upset.

I just think that like, you know, my parents would have the same reaction that they just wanted me to have an easy life. And my mom said, life is hard enough. You don't need one more thing making it harder. But I was like, but remember how sad I was when I was doing the thing that was normal and socially acceptable? And she's like, yeah. I'm like, so I was miserable.

I'm just different. This is just me. Yeah. this is what makes me happy. And now they're like, they're so gung-ho about Taylor. Like, I acted like a true psycho at my parents' house over the summer

because I thought somebody was looking at Taylor. I mean, I went apeshit on this person. It was a disaster. Like a jealousy thing? It was like, it was truly psycho. Okay. It was like, it was a really big problem. I'm in therapy now because of it.

It was like, that was like my part of my apology was like, only, we'll forgive you only if you go back to therapy. And I was like, done. Oh, my God. So that happened. But my parents were like, it's so insulting to, Taylor, she's so trustworthy, but like hearing my parents finally quantify those things and

like, you don't want to lose her. The silver lining was like, I understood that my parents fully accept a relationship and are so here for it. Yeah. You know, so it was actually, so like out of being psychotic, something good came of it. Did you find somebody? I just yelled at this poor girl and I was like, I say you looking at her! And it was just, but like, I bawled her out.

This poor thing, she was like, not even from this country. She merely spoke English. Oh, my God. It was so bad. You're still in forced therapy because of it. I'm working on. We all snap sometimes. I need to write her an apology letter.

Still. You wrote the girl a letter? I'm going to. Do you know her? I know we're like through a friend of a friend. Taylor. I yelled at my friend's friend. Whatever.

We all, like, we're all going through stuff, okay? Sometimes you snap. Ashley yells at me all the time. I just, I want to, I always like people to, like, go away with a piece of advice. I think, like, such a beautiful piece of advice is to hammer home. Like, I did have this. this quote unquote normal life and normal relationship that you want to be to have and I was miserable.

Miserable. And I think that that's what's important to hammer home to people that are, you know, a little scared of maybe like coming out or, you know, talking to their family about something. The divorce definitely set me on like a track that I'd never been on. It was like the break the rule track, you know? It's like, well, I fucked on my marriage. I'm now 50% of the country that gets divorced. I have to check that stupid box.

I'm divorced when I go to the doctor. And it's like, it kind of was liberating though. It's like, well, let's just keep trying things that we're not supposed to do. Right. It almost just like breaks the seal. Yeah. Totally broke the hymen, finally. Broke the hymen.

Oh, my God. That's so, I want to hear a little bit about your relationship. It's fucking great. I'm obsessed with her. It's so not perfect. We fight like crazy. There's so many feelings more so for me than her. But I'm like deeply, madly, psycho crazy in love with her.

I'm like obsessed with her. And I just like, I, I, like, I, I like, I'm like, why is this person with me? Like, I am a total disaster. But she probably feels like that about you, right? I mean, I think she's, you know. Wait, is she the Eagles fan? She's the Eagles fan.

Go birds. I love it. I'm now an Eagles fan. That's fucking love. She's just like the best. I love her family. Like, this is my person. And I will say, though, the hardest part is like, I'm really scared about money.

That's just it and nuts and bolts. Like, that's my biggest fear. I feel like paying equality is real. And two gay guys together, a dream, double male income. Two women, it's a bit more of a struggle, and Tay really wants kids. I say this. I love Tay more than I love not having kids. So we'll have kid, maybe two.

But I would be happy just the two of us forever. I would. But that would make she would be like a piece of her soul would be missing. God, that's a whole other. We'll have you back to talk about this. Fuck, yeah. That is such a thing. Like, I'm never going to have kids.

I'm so jealous. I know that I'm not, but I also don't have a partner, you know what I mean? But I think, Raina, you have said that before. Like, Raina veers a little more towards maybe not wanting kids, but like if your partner really wants them, it's like, well, I love you. Yeah. I mean, and I always, my whole life, I always thought I wanted kids. And I remember even my brother, like, a couple years ago said to me, like, you know, I really feel like you're the kind of person that, like, even if you didn't have a romantic partner, you would have kids on your own because I know it's so important. You're like that I was like that most of my life that was born to be a mother, just like most people. I thought I was born to have kids.

That's what you do. And I always thought like, yeah, then I'll just get pregnant on my own and I'll raise kids. And now, I don't know why. It's just my life has changed a little bit. And I don't necessarily want kids. I don't necessarily not want kids. I'm sort of like you. If I met somebody I was super in love with a guy I went out with last week, I mean, on

first date, he said to me like, I don't really want kids. Oh, what a dream. It would be a huge problem for me if someone, also, for the record. I mean, so many more people are choosing not to have kids. I mean, the world is changing. Yes, it's drastically. God, right? I mean, well, I feel like before now, you're like a social leper.

I don't feel like that at all anymore. I just, the more I talk to people, the more, and then the more people that have kids, they hate their kids. But anyway, so, like, I just feel like if I date a guy that was like, God, I have a big family. Like, I'm the man, quote unquote, traditional man in the sense of I want to know that up top. If it's a deal breaker, we will not work. I'm not, I wouldn't, that, because it's like the woman has to carry the kids.

I think for you, though, it's great that you tell people that. And I was glad that he told me, you know? I mean, I didn't ask, by the way. And I'm exactly, I didn't know this. I like him even more. Exactly. Why don't, he's great. But maybe you should date him.

No, she can't have him. He's mine now. He's cute, but he's on my tongue. And then would you not have babies? Do you be fine with that? I mean, we're not a serious relationship. But I could see myself. I was with somebody that was like, I love you.

I want to have kids together. That's our project for the rest of our lives is we're going to be parents. I want to do that with you. I really see it as a beautiful thing you can do with a partner. I mean, and if my partner really wanted it, I'd say yes. But I could also be very happy, I think, not doing it. We'll see where our career is, right now, because it just might not be in the cards for you. I mean, if we're on tour, what are you going to do if I can have a baby anyway?

I mean, I'm not going to carry. So I've got that option. I know. I'm always drunk. I know. I'm always drunk. You guys, I'm always drunk always. Oh, no, I told Taylor, I'm like, I'm the dad 20% parroting, you're 80%.

Cool. I feel like, sometimes I've told people like, I just, I don't know. Maybe I could be a kid and I just don't want to carry it. And they're like, you want to be a dad. I'm like, yeah, I guess I want to be the dad. I want to be. Every man on earth is like, I want to have kids. I'm like, of course you want to have kids. Yeah.

They should have no say. It doesn't affect your body. It doesn't affect your time. I mean, yes, good dads. It affects your time. But like, yeah, you can just leave at any time. And no one cares. I am.

Your kid cares a little bit. Well, yeah. You ruined a person's life forever, but it's fine. So, well, I love that you said that. I mean, and also just I like it that you're transparent about money. I mean, what does she do? So she is in production. She works for this company called The Female Quigrant.

Oh, we're doing a, we're speaking there on Friday. No shit. Tomorrow. Oh, I'll come. I'll come pop in. Yeah, we'll be there tomorrow. So will she be there? You'll meet her.

Yeah, I can't wait. That's so great. Okay, so you guys are both in this creative space. Yeah, I mean, listen, she's, she's like head of production for them. They love, love, love her. I heard her negotiate her salary with them and I was really impressed. I was like, damn, that's how it's done. She, like, knows herself worth.

Again, the company. is like they ingratiate to every single person that works for them. So of course, they're good negotiators, but I think we'll be fine. But it's, people don't, I mean, I never want to sound condescending about living in New York to live here

and then also attempt to have children here. I've always said this, like, again, I don't want children, I can't hammer it home enough, but I, if I was ever going to have a kid in New York, I'd have to be so rich. You have to be a millionaire. You have to be a... Our apartment was two and a half million dollars,

and it still felt small. It's an apartment. Right, it's wild. So it's like, you're like, yeah, two people are going to be like making a great income, but you're like, okay, but we still live in a crazy expensive city and when we want to have children, we need to like double this income. Yeah.

Yeah. I want to be clear, that was my apartment. Was. With the wasman. He's still there, even though he's not supposed to be. I think he is. Yeah, I really could have used that money. You guys, I'll be there soon.

I'll see the $2.5 million dollar apartment. I'll be fucking in that apartment in no time. I decorated this shit out of it. You're welcome. I sent you selfies. I'm like, oh my God, girl, don't you love that quarter chair? Don't you love it at Calypso Home? Rest in peace.

It's no longer in existence. I wanted that. I wanted to rip it out of the ceiling when I left, but I didn't. I could see you doing that, though. Now that I know you a little bit better, I see you on a ladder ripping something out of the ceiling? A hundred percent. I really regret not doing it.

I thought I'd find it. I'll get it for you. Thank you. Did you, like, stash some money somewhere we can treasure hunt for it? No, God, girls, nothing. I left a pearl necklace there somewhere. I bet you did. I'll get that for you, too.

Get that for me. So, okay, we're going to wrap up with you, but I want to know, I just always like to ask, like, what do you, you guys have a solid relationship? You're super in love. Do you feel like you have any tips for relationships? Is it like just the standard communication, transparent? You know what it is? Supporting each other's.

Scream at somebody so bad. You have to go to therapy. You got it. Totally. I think that, like, I will say this, the difference of being in a same-sex relationship, I think that girls, like, are just a little bit, like, we're more comfortable with emotions and emoting in general. Taylor really, though, my dad was really like, Taylor was more like a dude

than your ex-husband was like a dude. Like, she loves sports. She doesn't want to watch Bravo. It really hurts my feelings. Ashley doesn't either. It hurts my feelings. Oh my God. I'm like, you were being such a Teresa and she doesn't even know what that means.

I know Teresa bitch. That's the only franchise I liked was New Jersey. But I think what it happens is like men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Men speak different languages than women. I really truly believe this. Of course. So I think that we at least speak the same language, which means we communicate. a little bit better, and we do like a lot of I feel,

and I'm sorry, I hurt you. You know what I mean? There's like a little bit more, I guess, self-awareness and responsibility. Because you know what, girls are people-pleasers? So when, if you make someone cry, and if you didn't mean to, when you're like, you're fucking crazy, you did that to yourself. You, like, want to make them feel better. Whereas men kind of are, like, they're just biologically selfish.

I feel like more. It's like survival. Yeah, it's, I'm sorry you feel like that. Yeah, and like, I don't get it, you know? Whereas a girl's like, I don't. like, I don't get it, but like, I hate to see you cry. So there's like, we indulge each other's feelings a lot more. I'm better out of it than she is.

I just want to be clear. I mean, I just, you speak the same language. That couldn't, you couldn't have said that better. Ashley, and Ashley's definitely going to be a lesbian now. It sounds like a great relationship. I'm being convinced every episode. Even last week, Mary Beth Rohn, I was like, we should go on a date. Totally.

She's hot. She is. I know. She's so great. All right. Well, tell people, you're phenomenal. I feel like we covered so many topics. that we haven't covered, which I'm obsessed with.

Yeah. Tell people all the places they can find you. First and foremost, follow me on Instagram at Taylor Strecker. Check out my hot girlfriend. And, I mean, when I Instagram story, like, it's fine. If you like me and you want more, you can subscribe to my radio show by going to Taylorstrekker.com. It's $6.95 a month, but it's 10 hours of content a week.

And it's live. What? Yeah, it's two hours every day. Monday to Friday. So it's like a, wow. It's kind of like when, what series took away from me, I gave back to my audience. And then if you are cheap, you can go listen to my podcast. It's free.

Taste of Taylor. Did you make that reference when he became a lesbian? I'm kidding. Totally. Honestly, I fucking hate the name of my podcast. I like, change it. It is a little suggestive if I know you're getting your pussy ate. Okay.

That's still good. I have to tell you, I went on a podcast the other day and this guy had never looked up what our podcast is. He thought it was a cooking show. Shut up. Girls got to eat. And then I just, I just roasted him for the whole show. I was like, it's open season on you, buddy. I love it.

I was like, yeah, it's a fucking cooking show. You didn't even just Google the description. Literally could have just Googled it. It's also in our Instagram bio, whatever. Anyway, well, you've been so incredible. Thank you so much. You guys, thank you. You're amazing.

I'm obsessed with you. I'm serious. Like, hashtag, blessed. For real, though. No irony. We'll be together again. We should collab again. And guys, stick around.

We're just going to do a quick segment like we always do. At the end of every episode, we have some of your funniest emails to read. and we'll be right back. All right, we're back with a new segment. Okay, I have to be honest, I know nothing about this segment. I know nothing about how it was conceptualized. I think I was on like a date or something,

and you told me that you like thought of this, and I was like, yeah, okay, you put it on our Instagram story, so you're going to have to explain it to me. I know nothing. Here's what happened. I was in the Atlanta airport delayed for eight hours. Remember this? And I was like, should I go to Terminal B to get piece of cake?

Piece of cake in Atlanta. It's my favorite food in all of Atlanta. It's cake. I've never tasted cake as good as piece of cake in Atlanta. Nowhere here. None of the famous places that have been in the Food Network or whatever. I've never had cake is good. Piece of cake in Atlanta.

I can't recommend enough. There's one in the airport. So I went to another terminal because I was like, we've been delayed for hours. And then I posted this on my Instagram story. And I told a story as I was sitting there eating cake. I wrote it out on my story. And the story is that an ex of mine, when we dated and we were like good, I told him, If you're ever trying to like win me over or apologize or like impress me anything, it's not

flowers or whatever. It's piece of cake. Like I just said it kind of in passing, you know, like this is my weakness. This is my sweet spot, whatever. And he would get me a piece of cake for my birthday. I remember like I would come up from a trip and he would have like cake and flowers and wine. It was really sweet.

And then until it wasn't. And we got in a huge fight. He did a terrible thing. And we were off and on. It was bound to end. But like he did one of the most final terrible things. things that he ever did. And I was like, I am breaking up with you. Like, there's no more. This is bad. And he called me, he kept calling me and be like, I need to come over and talk to you. We need

to come over and talk to you. And I was like, no, we're done. Like, I can't do this anymore. It's been off and, like, it's been too toxic for too long. And he finally was like, I need to come over because I have some new to give you. And I was just out of curiosity, I had to be like, what is it? I wouldn't have to know. He said, I have a car full of a slice of every flavor, a piece of cake. Well, that's just wasteful. Okay. And I was stubborn. I was so mad and I just wanted to be done with a relationship. And I was like, well, I don't know what to tell you, like bring it to work, you know, like give that cake to somebody else.

And I said this in my Instagram story. I said the biggest regret I have of that entire relationship is not saying to leave the cake on the doorstep. You're so right. Like 20 flavors, probably 20 slices of cake. Like I just, I think about that cake all the time. I think about it every you talk about it. We drove out Atlanta and you brought it at. So I would think about that every day.

I'm just like, who got to eat that cake? Who got to eat my breakup cake? So I put this on my story. just because I was bored in the airport and just, you know, being silly on my story and got an overwhelming amount of DMs of girls telling me similar stories about foods and dudes and choosing foods over dudes and all this stuff. So I just said DME email us and we're going to do a segment called Foods over dudes. And so it's happening. Yeah. It's happening. Okay. Do you want to start with? Yeah, sure. This one's simple. I just like, you've got to visualize these, you guys.

They're not, they might not be the funniest things you've ever heard us do. But like if you actually picture it and you're like a woman would do that. It's like, yes, it's so funny. Okay. She said, I one time went back into my ex's house five minutes after breakup to get the half of a gourmet cupcake I left. Respect. Absolutely,

I would. They broke up and she's like, nope, I'm going to get that half of a cammy. Yeah, you need to heal from the breakup. And what's going to make you feel better than the cupcake? I would think about leaving that there forever. You're right, though. You think about like how mad you are after a breakup. You're like, you have the wherewithal to go get a half a cupcake.

Not even a Hulk. Just the half. Okay. I just had made pizza before my last movie broke up with me. And after he was like, I can't do this anymore, I stared at him for a minute and then ate my entire pizza as he tried to explain himself. My friend were like, why didn't you wait to eat? But I would rather if someone dumped me for their trash X than let fresh hot pizza go cold.

I just imagine this girl just like sitting there not even listening to what he's saying. Stone cold eating pizza. To be able to eat a pizza while you get dumped is the only way to get dumped. That's how you know you didn't really care about the person. If you can eat, you're not the right kind of sad. That is so true. How you knew it wasn't real if you could eat. Okay.

Braina, this one's for you. Yes. Oh, this is about a friend. Sure it is. Okay. Oh, she was in the car with her friend and they were talking about this. That's cute. We love when you guys like her talking about us on a road trip.

She said once she was having sex with this guy and mid-thrust grabbed for the bag of goldfish and straight was fisting goldfish into her mouth while getting fucked. says she doesn't know which was more pleasurable. She's my hero. This is... Listen, indisputed. It's the best snack in the whole world, goldfish crackers.

Nothing better. But can you just keep goldfish by the bed? And you're like, oh my God, like, I've been fucking... Rana, you fuck so much in Charleston. Like, you probably did get hungry. Like, maybe you wish she would have had some goldfish by the bed. I'm dehydrated and ravenous. I wish she was giving me goldfish crackers.

Nothing could have made that sex better. I respect this girl. I love her. Okay, this made me laugh because it's just like such a New York story. It's like one sentence. I met him. with my ex at a New York City dim sum place because I really didn't want to go

alone to eat multiple plates. She writes in parentheses 10. My girl. I ate my weight in food. He paid. We never saw each other again. Girl, New York City dumplings cost like a dollar. 10 plates cost $6. Yeah, but she was like, I don't want to eat all that food

alone. She got desperate. Had that relationship on a high note. This one, this bitch is savage. Okay. My ex didn't want to celebrate his birthday last year, but I convinced him to let me get him a cake. and snacks. He explicitly said he wanted only yellow cake with chocolate frosting, which I'm not really a fan

of. So what do you think I got him for his birthday? An ice cream cake, because that's my favorite cake. Oh, and he's lactose intolerant. Your birthday is my birthday. Like you would do that. He said, I need a cake, the specific kind, and you know I'm lactose intolerant. She was like, ice cream cake it is. Like we're doing all the other things. Say no more, fam. I like her. Your birthday's

my birthday. I love that quote. She's like, you don't get to eat this, or you'll have diarrhea. Okay. So I gave this guy for four years. It wasn't great. He put in no effort ever. Oh, and he also took morning baths, ha, ooh. But he was leaving to move to a different state the next day and told me to come over to his apartment because he had a surprise.

I was like, okay, finally he's going to do something sweet. I get ready, look cute, come over. He's watching football with his guy friend, question mark. Okay. Next, he says, why do you look cute? Okay, he tells me the surprises in the kitchen. I walk in and what's the surprise? All caps. Two leftover

olive garden breadsticks. First time I'm hearing the story too, guys. He then ignored me the rest of the night and hung out with his guy friend. I ate the breadsticks, broke up with him a week later, and now I'm dating a girl, and she's taking me to Paris for Christmas. Level up! What a story! I know.

This is perfect. This is like our episode. She's going to go get hot fresh croissant in Paris. Don't you, I'm going to get croissons. Also, man, I mean, I love an Olive Garden bread stick more than anybody, but they do not keep. They are, that is, like, cheap-ass bread. They go stale the second they leave the restaurant.

He was a cheap-ass boyfriend. I love that she came over and he was like, why do you look cute? I don't know, because you said there was a surprise. You said there was a surprise? She thought she was getting engaged to. He's like, there's two breadsticks in the kitchen for you. Loved her from Olive Garden. If they were cheddar bay biscuits from Red Lobster, yes.

I'll fuck with those. Bramom, pop those in the microwave. They're delicious. Also available at the grocery store. All right, I do love Red Lobster. Cheddar Bay biscuits forever. Okay, we'll wrap it on this one. I love this one.

Got into a huge fight with my ex during senior year of college and stormed out of his place. However, we had gone to dinner earlier in the night, and I left a fire pad tie in his fridge. After going out later, my friends and I snuck into his house at 3 a.m. to steal the pad tie back. Ran into his roommate walking out and he just looked at me and nodded. Kept my secret. Mad respect for that guy.

Fuck that guy. Breaking and entering. Can you imagine the police showed up and you'd have to explain to them what you were there for? I feel like anybody would be like, I hear you. Right. I feel like police officers would be like, can I get in on that? Or they're like, where's that bad tie from? So funny.

Oh, my God. She turned it into an activity with her girlfriends. Yeah, there was a bunch more. A lot of more are very funny. They were very similar. They were like, something happened with a food during the breakup or during a fight. And they were like, I think about that peniola vodka every day. This is one girl, she left a bottle of wine that they had joined a wine club together

and she left the bottle of wine in his house or something. And she was like, think about it every day. I miss you. You don't miss the guy. You miss the leftovers. Well, guys, if you have a bottle of. more of these foods over dudes email us hello at girls got to eat podcast.com please put foods over dudes in the subject line and as always if you have crazy stories is this weird it's like our

power move whatever it is funny crazy weird and you're coming to a live show email us hello girls got to eat podcast dot com and write the name of the city in the subject line we've been have a lot of fun with these live shows he's been great we'll bring up on stage maybe if you write a good enough story yeah but make them true we'll find out Yeah. Okay. And then Texas, Houston, Dallas, Austin. We'll see you guys in March. Sunny Hustle Times birthday. We can't wait to be there. And yeah, girlsgatip Podcast.com, stupid live shows.com. Girls got a podcast on Instagram. Girls underscore got to eat on Twitter. Ash Hess on Instagram, reina.org on Instagram. We would love in your tweets. Keep tweeting.

Ashley reads them. I read them all. For now. And we'll see you guys next week. Thanks. Thank you guys. Have a good week.