Girls Gotta Eat - What Guys Think About During Sex (Part 1) feat. Esquire Editor-in-Chief Michael Sebastian

Episode Date: June 20, 2021

In the first installment of our two-part series "What Guys Think About During Sex," we welcome Editor-in-Chief of Esquire Magazine, Michael Sebastian, to break it down for us. We're answering everything from "Are they critiquing my body?" to "What do they think about lingerie?" and also discussing tools for having more satisfying, exciting sex. Plus, we're sharing listener submissions for what they THINK guys are thinking about in the bedroom and telling our own "What was he thinking?!" sex stories. (And for Younger fans, we recap the series finale.) Enjoy! Read Esquire online at Esquire.com and follow on Instagram @esquire. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Check our website for show dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Daily Harvest: Get $40 off your first box at dailyharvest.com/gge. Feals: Become a member at feals.com/gge and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping. Function of Beauty: Go to functionofbeauty.com/gge to get 20% off your first order. Dipsea: Get a 30-day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I don't know if they're thinking about baseball or they're counting backwards or something like that, but they're definitely thinking to themselves, don't come, don't come, don't come, right? So that, you know, whatever form that takes. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. It's cancer season. Literally. It is Monday. You never see it coming.

June 21st is the first day of cancer season. I don't even know if we've ever had an episode on this special day. What's up, crab babies? 69ers. Every year I think you might forget about. about it and then every year you don't. Look, the look on your face, like, it was Christmas. I know.

I have had that app, that ham horn app on my phone for, since I've got an iPhone. Waiting for the day. I'm probably the first app I downloaded. Waiting for the day. You're like, it's happening. It's happening. All right. We'll talk about it.

I'm going to keep it short, Raina. Talk about it. People are sitting here listening. They're like, Raina never mentioned Gemini season once. Yeah, we don't need. We don't need the hype. She's obsessed with herself. Right.

Exactly. Like, we're overcompensating. we have a few really fun announcements. Yes. So we, as you guys know, we're going back out on the road. And we have been asked to participate in something so much fun. So Just for Last, which is a comedy festival that we have participated in before in Vancouver and Montreal is doing their big Just for Laughs escape in Cancun. And we're escaping with them and we're inviting you to come with us.

Yes. JFL escapes in Cancun. What are the dates? This one's, Rayna's taking the lead on this. It's going to be really cool. So basically what we're doing is it's an all weekend long comedy festival. So it's from November 3rd through the 7th.

And one ticket is like all inclusive of all the shows. And so you get access to all these comedians. So Ashland and I are doing a show. Tom Segora is going to be there. Nikki Glazer is going to be there. Jim Jeffries. Tons of acts. And we're taking over the resort for the whole weekend in Cancun.

It's the Barcello Maya Grand Resort. That sounds about right? Yeah. So it's going to be really fun. The tickets go on sale on the 20 seconds. So that's tomorrow. We're going to have Instagram stories you guys can swipe up into. But in the meantime, you go to pollen.com. It's P-O-L-L-L-E-N.com. It'll be on our website. Tickets again on sale on June 22nd tomorrow. And we can't wait to see you guys there. Yes. Did you say five-star resort? I said resort. Okay. Five-star. Yeah. Like, it's five-star resort takeover is what we're doing. Okay. Also, I have to say this. We got a DM. I sent it to you. You've seen it. And someone DMed us. and it said, hey, you're going to JFL Cancun, Nikki Glazer just announced.

Like, telling us, oh, we are? I sent it to our group chat with me and right and our two agents. I was like, hey, guys, just wanted to let you know that we're going to JFL Cancun and this guy's going to handle all the details. Well, if Nikki says so. You know? Maybe he meant like a question mark, but it was so funny. Hey, you're going to JFL Cancun, Nikki Glaser just announced.

So, FYI, you guys are going. Either way, like, we're friendly with her. She's been on the show before. And it's like, he's either just telling us, she's going to be there, we're telling us we're going to be there. That's what I'm saying. He was like, hey, a heads up, girls. You're going to this thing. Did you know? Well, you're going to this thing. We didn't know. Nikki's our booker. Nicky announced it. No. Nicky says it, we just go. We're so excited. And we'll be talking about it more. But again,

like Raina said, go to Pollan.com and starting, if you're listening to this on Monday, the 21st, first day of cancer season, it'll be tomorrow June 22nd. And the tickets that you can buy to come see us do live shows right now are Philly. So we added a third show in Philly on Saturday, July 17th, a late 10 p.m. show. It's going to be so wild. These shows are going to be absolutely insane. Like, Philly is just wild in general. So come from the tri-state area, come from Delaware. We're going to have so many Dewey Beach girls there, I'm sure. Friday and Saturday night, the opening act is unbelievable. A wretch is thinking about it. My family's going to be there, Lindsay and Buck. Like, it's going to be incredible. So come to those shows. Girls Got E Podcast.com

for tickets. Get them. They're going to go quick. And we have more shows coming. So we saw a lot of People we know, people we've had on the show announced tours this week and just a lot of comics and performers in general. And I feel like you guys are like, where's girls going to eat? So we're working on it. We just got an insane announcement today of, I'm going to cry. The venue I wanted to play the most in my whole life this year. Like, now I'm crying. I know.

I'm just like, can't wait to announce it. Oh, my God. We like, whatever. So we got tour dates, guys. It's not going to be like so, so many. but it's going to be as much as we can fit in before the end of the year while also keeping our sanity. So coming soon announcements. But if you are close to Philly, come to Philly.

We want to come to Boston. I'm just saying this because we're getting a lot of messages about Boston. Boston always the top of our list. But we did go there right before everything shut down. So we do have Boston coming. I'll just say this like early 2020. So if you're like I got to go see them before that, it's come to Philly. Yeah. DC also will probably be in 2020.

So in that area, Philly. which is so weird to talk about this, like, because it's June. But, yeah, I mean, this is like, people are starting to ramp up at the end of the summer in the fall. So are we, obviously, we have filling in July. We can't wait. But then it's going to be more, like, closer to the fall. Yeah, we've other really fun stuff in the fall.

We are, of course, rescheduling the West Coast dates, the Texas dates, and anything else you guys. So we are just trying to fit in as much as humanly possible. You can stay tuned on our newsletter, on our website. If you just log into our website, girls' guttypockets.com, a pop-up We'll come just shoot your email address there. When we announced dates, we'll email you right away. You'll be the first people to know.

Yes. And then also on our website, you can go to the shop at the shop part of the website. We are going to be releasing all new merchandise this summer. So most of those styles are last call. So check out hats, merch, sweatshirts. We're just, we're going to design a whole new batch for you guys. We're excited for you to shop that. But almost everything on the site, this is last call in the next couple weeks.

Yes. And Spotify playlist. Go to Spotify. It's last announcement, I swear. Spotify playlist. Every week we release a playlist. It has episodes that go with a certain theme and then songs that also go with that theme. So we have like Shot Girl Summer. We have like getting you, getting you, uh, feeling sexy. Um, there's a boy buy playlist. There's a girl's night out with friendship episode. So that's all mixed in. Um, so go check those out too. Yeah. We have a hot

week for you guys. Yeah. You want to tease it? You want to see what's happening? So we wanted to do an episode, what guys think about during sex and whatever. We had this idea to like, like basically bring in two guys that had kind of different takes on it and combine it all into one. And sure enough, we just love talking to these two guys so much, though it's going to be two episodes. So today we have Michael Sebastian, the editor-in-chief of Esquire Magazine, and we're chatting with him. And then Thursday we have Jared Freed coming back on again as a bonus episode. So, I mean, he just left. It was so great.

Today we talked to both of them. So we're kind of going backwards and doing this intro, but we've chatted with both of them. We cannot wait for you guys listen what they have to say. So whole week of what are guys thinking about during sex? Yes, and two very different tones. We have this guy who's, like, married and such an expert in media, the head of one of the biggest men's magazines in the world. And then we have, you know, Jared Freed, a hot young single guy.

I mean, they're both hot, but hear me out. But Michael Tabash is kind of hot, too. Yeah. Oh, he's just wonderful. I was like, oh, he popped on a screen. I was like, what's something? He's married with two children. Yeah.

So two very different perspectives. And if you've heard Jared on the show before, you know he's going to be hysterical. So that will be Thursday. And Michael will be today. Okay. Really quick. I just want to just say one thing about cancer seasons. Oh, you think I forgot?

Rain is just sitting here hoping I'll forget. I'm like filibustering in the episode. I just have to say that probably the most DMs I still get about like, can you remind me which episode this is in? And I still get tagged in so many cancer memes. Like the thing, one of the things that probably took off the most and hit the hardest and people were like, I crashed my car laughing, was this thing we did on July 1st, 2019. It was an episode with Maria del Rousseau called Being Happy, Being Alone, if you want to go back

and listen. And I basically talked about how cancers were getting shit on in memes on the internet, heavy with Refinery 29. And people send me cancer memes today, which is like so cute and nice, and I appreciate it. And they're like, you know, cancer's not getting attacked anymore. You know, this is a good one. I'm like, here's the deal. it was so egregious at that time.

That's why I addressed it. Like it was, they're fine now. The moment has passed. Refinery 29 had some beef with cancers and they took it out on us for like six months or whatever. But it was like the signs as things in your bathroom. And it would be like Virgo, toothbrush and toothpaste. Capricorn. You're a blow dryer.

Leo, your makeup bag. Cancer. The bloody tampon you just took out. I'm not here to say the toilet. That's so much word. Cancer. The diarrhea in your toilet. The toilet paper stuck on your shoe.

Cancer. That's your dingleberry. You know when your hair pulls in the drain? That's cancer. The hair in your drain. Yeah. It was like, Sagittarius. Your shiny new shower curtain.

Cancer. That ring in the toilet that shows that you need to clean it. Cancer, that's stuff that gets stuck up under the toilet around the rim. Oh, sick. Yeah. So that's why it was like. so, yes, the pie crust was the, it was like all these pies, cancer just the crust. The shell is an empty shell.

Empty. So I popped off about it. It has never really been that egregious since, but people ask me all the time, what is that episode? I want to tell my friend, want my mom to listen, whatever. And so it is July 1st, 2019. And it's cancer season guys and look out for those memes. And again, like, I think cancer is like, it's the most people.

That's why we get so worked up about this time. It's just a lot of us. We're nothing special. I think they were emotional. There's a lot of us. We love ourselves. Well, I'm so happy to hear of this. Another cancer season.

Congratulations. I look forward to next cancer season. I look forward to the next four weeks. I'm talking about this every week. We have some great wrecks. You guys have recommended some shows that we lean into, so we are going to do that. You guys recommended Cruel Summer

and the season finale as we're recording was this week. So we will review it next week. Catch up if you haven't. I love it. It takes place in 93, 94, 95. Hot. I'm a 90s stand.

I lived in it. But I've, or a real stand. Like, I, I love the show so much. I never doubted it. People just kept saying watch Curl Summer.

I'm like, I'm on it. You know what it was? I feel like the title is fucking stupid. And that's why I didn't really want to watch it. I was like, the title undersold it. Yeah. Cruel Summer.

What? Also, Cruel Summer. I'm pretty certain is an 80 song. Is it? Cruel Summer. By like, like banana ramma. Like, okay, you know what?

The title was fucking stupid. This is one of those things. I'm going to want to go back and look up. So let me just confirm. Cruel summer song. 83. I like that it all takes place in the summer. But like the whole thing is like 90s.

It's so 90s. You know, everything's like 90s nostalgia. But I love the music also. So like yeah, the 90s like I remember that when they started playing like brand like a brandy like I want to be down. I was like, oh my God. Like, I just love the music. Anyway, I know.

We're reviewing it so we weren't going to. So we're going to talk about that next week. I love that we're like previewing our reviews. We're like catch up. Also, I'm going to watch the housewife and the hustler streaming on Hulu with Erica Jane and Erica Gerrari, Erica Jane. So I'm going to catch up on that for next week as well. Okay.

We're going to do a little younger recap. Series finale. So Younger's over. Ashley has to recap it for me because I just Googled the ending. Yeah. So spoilers ahead. We're going to keep it shorts. You know, fast forward ahead three to five minutes if you don't want to hear this.

So spoilers ahead. Oh, my gosh. Okay. So they allude to her ending up with Josh. He comes in at the very end, the very last scene. And they kind of have a callback of their first moment. She's like waving her shoe with the bartender. Did that happen in the very first episode?

That's very first episode. Which is cute. I like that. But up until literally right before then, it was, it was Richard, Charles, Richard. It was, what is his name? Richard is bold type. That's where we get tripped up. So, and that's the same energy, like we said.

So Charles. That's the same person. I hated Charles in this season so much. I was texting people that I knew we're watching it. Like Sally, this woman that we work with on some stuff, and she's a fan of the show. I saw her post about younger and I knew she was watching the current. season and I slid into our DMs you immediately. I'm like, can we talk about Charles? I fucking hate him. He seems

so controlling and like manipulative and just, I mean, I think that's kind of the point that you don't want to root for him. And I think most people have always rooted for Josh. Well, I don't know. I always have. I always have. Some people, if your team Charles fine, like, but something about this last season, he just seemed like, I just, he seemed controlling as the number one word and like so

immovable and just like kind of weirdly manipulative and untrusting. And I know he put up with a lot. I mean, this woman, you know, lies a lied for a huge lie. But I just hated him. I was having a visceral reaction to every scene with him. I was just like if she ends up with him. And then he just starts dating Quinn in the office. Like grow up.

Like you don't just come rub your new girlfriend on your old girlfriend's face in the office. Like all of it was really bad. I hated Charles. I'm so glad she ended up with Josh. They buttoned most things up. I like Kelsey. I just think the end felt a little rushed. I never like to like shit on people's art because you can listen to anything we've ever put out.

And you could be like, I wish they would have done this differently. And it's like, well, we did it how we did it. You know what I mean? So I love the show. I have nothing but respect for the show. At the end felt kind of like they just wanted to get everything done and buttoned up. Like they had one last episode and they were like, shit.

Okay, Kelsey's moving to L.A., and then Yadaada. And then Lauren's going to have a three of them with this gay couple. And then she's going to be in a thruple. And then Josh shows back up. But the only thing, I guess my biggest issue was that up until that point, Lise and Josh had had no real chemistry. So it was Charles, Charles, Charles, Lise and Josh weren't even really having those moments

that they used to have prior. Like you didn't feel any... They didn't tease anything. So it was just Charles, all Charles, Charles, Charles, Charles. And then at the very last moment, Josh, and it's fine because at least they alluded to it. And he said this line. He was like, he said, he came up when she was waving the shoe.

And this was really cute. And he said, you really didn't see me there or something? And she was like, I didn't see you. And he goes, I've always been here. Like, I'm right here. Like, I've always been here. Great. I just wish they would have to give us a little more.

more Josh. So I just feel like, you know, I wish they would have even alluded to that. I think, I think I knew deep in my heart. They were going to give us Josh at the end. And she has this moment with Richard, oh my God, Charles. With Charles. And where they both, they were, they thought they were going to make it work. And then they're laying in the bed. And she's like, we're not going to work, are we? And I think we've all felt that on such a deep level. Like, you get back with your ex. And then you're like, you're back together. You're feeling so good about it for like, days or weeks or months. And then you have the moment of like, it's actually not going to work. It hit me pretty hard. I mean, I just.

I love the show. So anyway, that's my younger review. Hated Charles. And then I'm glad it ended up being Josh. Well, his whole vibe was like, you know, marry me or I'm out. And I don't think that that's what I'm saying. I do think that like we have to look at it from both sexes. Like, I don't like it from a man.

But like, women do do that also where they say like, here's an ultimatum. You marry me. That's what I want. That's my bottom line. But I think her bottom line was like, I don't want to get married right now. Here's my reason for it. And like, I don't know that we always like throw the baby out with the bathwater. It's like, well, if the only reason.

reason that you don't want to be with me is because I might not marry you. Is that fair either? And it's like he drew such a hard line. And I was just like, oh, I don't care. I hated it. And then it was just like also for two people that have been married before. You know, like, yeah, they've been married weird to pressure somebody that's like, I did this. I don't want to do it again, but I do love you and want to be with you. And like, what's the point? I have kids. You have kids. We're not going to have kids. So this feels like very controlling and like manipulative to need this, especially knowing that we're not going to have more children together. You know, it's okay, so the last thing we'll say about this and we can move on.

It's funny. So I was like, I'm done with this show. I'd all Google the ending. So I googled it. And the most reported on thing from the ending of younger is they sort of like breeze by they're like, yeah, they allude her name about Joshua, blah. Richard Charles is not really mentioned at all. Every single article talks about how Diana is nowhere to be found.

That's the only thing anyone's talking about. Okay, so I love Diana and I missed her, but, you know, what they gave us in lieu of Diana was more Lauren, and I can take more Lauren always. So Lauren basically took Diana's position, which is like, okay, sure, Lauren's running the magazine. So Lauren, it's a lot more Lauren.

I love Lauren. So, you know, I'm kind of like, I miss Diana's energy. I'm sure she just didn't want to be a part of the show, or I don't know what went down. They zoomed with her once. She's basically on her honeymoon in Italy. But I really like Diana's relationship.

So I liked her. She was like with the plumber or whatever. Right. All right. Good. But tons of Lauren. tons of Lauren, which I'm like, I would watch a Lawrence. I think they were talking about a Kelsey spinoff.

I want a Lauren spin off. A hundred percent. I'm not, listen, Hillary Duff, she's not my cup of tea as an actress. Again, I don't want to like shit on people. I don't hate her. She's just not my favorite actress in the world. Yeah. I would watch a Lauren spin off.

Yeah, give us Lauren. So stay tuned for next week. We're going to do Cruel Summer, which I'm very excited about. We wanted to tell you like a funny story about what happened at the dinner last night. And, okay. I'm going to let Ashley, like, tell you from her perspective. But from my perspective, what happened was we went out to dinner just so you guys know with, with our business managers.

Ashley and I had a dinner date with them. And I left my guy at home who's staying with me in New York this week. And what it happened was last night, they announced that New York City was lifting all mandates from COVID. That we hit 72% of vaccinated people in the city. I'm going to cry talking about it. In California, too. And they're lifting all the mandates. And it's like so special.

and of course in public on transit and in schools you have to wear masks. But having lived here through the pandemic, it's a very special, very amazing moment for me and so many people. To just see the city come back to life, it's very important. Anyways, they announced that they were going to do fireworks at 9 p.m. I knew that Ashley and I were still going to be at dinner at 9 p.m. We'd probably miss it. So I texted my boyfriend.

I was like, you should go to the roof and see the fireworks. I'm not going to be home, but like you go enjoy. Yeah. And that was it. Put my phone away and like we continued to have dinner. I mean, I don't even know if I'm that clear to tell the story. I had three tequila. So basically your neighbor, right? Texted you? I can read you the text. Yeah. Which came first? A text from your man or a text from your elder neighbors, which we talked to us before, but Raina basically became very close with her neighbors on her floor during the quarantine and they're all like could be your mom. And I love it. Okay. So all the texts, I'm getting like one text every two minutes from him. I said, did you go up there? He said, yeah, but a couple of folks up here and now just a few more people came up. Okay. Now a bunch of a bunch of

bunch of people showed up. Then he said, there's a block party that just broke out on your roof. Then he said one minute later, I've joined the party. And then like 30 seconds later, he says to me, and he says the name of my neighbor that I slept with is here with me. Paul and Paul is here. Which is so insane. Because if you guys remember, Raina's boyfriend met Paul in the lobby one day. It was like, you fuck that guy, didn't you? And he could feel the heat or not the heat, the tension. And the interaction was so bizarre. Like he was like, is that kind of form sentences? And he's wearing like a hat with a feather in it and like a dragon jacket.

Like this is so weird. And I get feeling like, this is so embarrassing. Like, I swear to God. And I used to be like, I've told him like, I can't talk to this guy. You can't host a conversation with this guy. There's nothing coming out of him. And though I get a text from my other neighbor on the roof with Kyle and Paul. Kyle and Paul, come.

I brought him into the crew, L.L. I didn't even know who he was at the time. Which is just so crazy that there's this. rooftop celebration happening and your boyfriend, Kyle, and your Paul neighbor who you used to fuck and tried to ghost during a quarantine, Paul, are up there together. Paul's new girlfriend was with him. Paul's new girlfriend was with him. And my boyfriend is on the roof with them alone.

By himself, he doesn't know any of these people. He's hanging out with all of them. Everybody's asking him questions. And ready goes, we got to go. We got to go. We were wrapping up, but I was like, I'm coming. I was it wasn't we had an earlier dinner so it's like close to nine I was excited to walk home the weather's been perfect this week I was like so excited to walk home walk off the meal and I was like

I'm getting in the car with you girl also it was like a 12 minute walk and a six minute car ride and we're like we're taking a car so we had to like rush back to see it was fine by the time we got there but I guess they had interacted so this morning he said to me he's like I got to ask you question he's like for real how did you interact with that guy and I was like I don't know He was like, I literally tried. He was like, I was asking him questions, and he would just give me, like, a one-word answer and, like, just drift off into space. Like, he just wasn't, like, having it.

And he goes, conversating with him was so bad that I was, like, second-guessing myself, being like, am I just really bad at this? Yeah. And if Raina dated him, like, what am I like? Okay. Raina, you probably were drinking more than normal because of this. I think you only could hang out with him drunk. Oh, yeah.

Like, I didn't date him either. We were just sleeping together. But you like, you know, when I was dating two shirt, Trent, I was like, I have to stop going out with him because I'm developing an alcohol dependency on dating him because he was so boring and he was so hard to talk to. But I did kind of like the sex and he lived in really close. He was like, convenient. Yes, convenient.

But I was like, I can't go out with him anymore because I'm really, also, it was so much younger. I drank more anyway. I was feeling like I needed to literally be drunk to hang out with him. And I just feel like every time you've ever hung out with Paul, you've been like, I was wasted. I was. And you'll just,

hammered. There's no more situation in your life. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall because I picture you basically having two sides of a conversation. And you're just talking, talking, and Paul is just doing nothing. Nothing.

Except when he was singing. I'm playing guitar. Yeah, he like sings and I know her to look and it's just like, he's like a nice person, I guess. But like, and Goodfellas,

I forget what the thing is. It's like he's content to be a jerk. There's a saying in Italian and like, that's how I feel about Paul. He's content to be a jerk. You know, some people are just socially awkward. I think this guy is, like, really smart and just has no interest in participating in a conversation with anyone. I don't think he's jealous of my boyfriend.

That's why he wasn't talking to him. Yeah. I don't think he cares. So I was like, I didn't date him. I was drunk every time. But it's like, one of the odds that he's like alone on my roof and they all end up together. I know. I was like, this is so funny.

And it just was so funny that it came from like your neighbor. Like you're, you know, these neighbors, I love them all. They're so like New York, you know, middle aged. I mean, their mothers. All of them are, you know, or they'll choose them. I mean, I just love their energy. And they're, Ashley, they're all small. They're so small.

Raina looked tall next to one of them. I was like, look at this model. Raina just looked like this long, leggy model. I was like, these are your friends. I was so happy to meet them. I did not know your quarantine friends. Yeah, Ashley just met my quarantine friends last night. Everybody knows her because they all listened to the podcast.

Yeah. So that was funny. We're excited to tell you guys about it. So like we said, we're talking about what guys think about during sex. have some submissions from you guys. But first, do you have a story of like anything in this vein or something? Okay. I have been like trying to figure out when I was going to tell you this.

I was going to submit it as a listener email. Okay. This next one comes from Raina? Yeah. This one comes from me. I was going to submit as a listener email and like have you laugh about it because I should have done it. Whatever.

I don't care. So like a what was he thinking? So I've been meaning to tell you this real. Okay. So I was like cooking up my guy in the living room one day. We're like on the couch. This is your current guy. Oh, God.

I've been like, I told him I said tell the story, whatever. It was so weird. We were hooking up on the couch. We like start making out. We get naked. He had a hat on.

The hat like fell onto the couch. So we're like naked. We're hooking up and he like stands up, butt naked. And I start like blowing him. Okay. So I'm in the middle of a blowjob and he leans over. And I'm like,

why is he stopping me? He picks up the hat from the couch and puts his hat on. And just backwards cap, butt naked. just picked his hat up, put it on his head, and I just finished the blowjob. I don't know why he did it. I don't know why he did it. I was like, was your head cold? Because he's bald. He was like, he was like in the moment. It like seemed like it was going to be a cool thing to do. I was like, did he put on, wait, did he put on backwards or frontwards? He did not pick up his hat and put it on backwards mid blowjob.

No, he didn't. I pictured him. He like, just puts it on like, like, oh. The fact that it was backwards, but then also if it was frontwards, I feel like that's so like Roll Todd. So, you know, like he's like a guy puts on his hat. Like, were you cold? He was butt naked getting a blowjub. Stop me to put the hat on. No.

I continued. Is it a lucky hat? He's like, I got to wear my hat. Like, that is so funny. You know, I wear my literally don't care hat all the time. Can you see some guys eating my pussy? I'm like, excuse me. That would be so funny.

Or my vibes only hat. If you put on, I literally don't care in the middle of sacks, I would laugh so hard. Please do that. I've been meaning to tell you this for so long for like three weeks. I'm so glad you saved it for this. So he didn't know what he was thinking. He didn't know what he was thinking. He just thought it would be a cool thing to do.

Yeah. He just thought like, cool thing to tell my friends I did. Oh my God. So I was like, what were you thinking? And he was like nothing. I literally don't know. I saw it. It just seemed like something to do at the time.

He needs to be more in the zone. I don't like, I don't even like that you were blowing him. It's one of your great talents. Thank you. And he even had the mind to think to do it. way. I think he needs to focus more on the pleasure that you're kind enough to give him. I don't let him know, but he can come from a blowjob, thank God. You know some guys are out here like making you like suck their dick for like 20 minutes.

I'm not trying to like, we talked about us before. I'm not trying to finish a blow job ever. I just want to like suck a little bit five minutes, tops. I'm done. Yeah. So finish or don't, but get out of here. Finish or don't. You did blow him to completion.

We talked about it when you were like bleeding. Yeah, all over the place. It was completion yesterday. Killing. Oh, okay. Okay. So you do both. Yeah, I do both.

But only with him because he, like, doesn't make me do it for that long. Yeah. I mean, I've definitely had those moments. I talk about this all the time, but I did have a guy that, like, just, he was, like, rubbing his dick between my butt cheeks and then came on my back. And when he was doing it, and I found out later he was a born-again virgin, but when he was doing it, I remember thinking, like, what is he doing back there? Like, what?

And like, I never know what she's doing back there. Mom, the me love. So I just, yes, later. I found out that was his way of like getting off because he was a born again virgin. But in the moment, I remember being like, what is going on? And I was like younger and he was older than me. I was like, didn't know, you know, it was like the one time I ever did it fuck a younger guy. But I thought this was really funny because we'll get to it like what girls think guys are thinking.

And I had sex with this guy. This was like, but right before the pandemic, I went on a day with this guy. And it was the first time that we slept together later that night. But I went a day with this guy. And as we were walking home, we had had like this all night. date and we were like, let's get a slice of pizza. Like, we've been walking around the city. We went to some comedy clubs. It was a really fun date. And I was like, let's just go to bakers and get a slice of pizza. And they were closing. It was late. I mean, it was probably like one or two in the

morning. We'd been out and they gave us a whole pie. They were like, just take this whole pie, which is something that probably happens more often than not. If you show up to, they don't want to waste it. So they just gave us a whole pizza. And we were like, oh, my God, six. So we, like, came home and set the pizza, like, on the counter and then started making out. And then started making out and like started hooking up. And Raina, it was the first time we fucked. I could not something about the pizza. I

don't blame you. I had a pit in my stomach. I hadn't eaten that much. We had just gotten light apps at Bua hours prior. I don't blame you. I couldn't something about pizza. And the way that that interaction went down, which we would later have like really good sex and, you know, I really enjoyed having

sex with them. But the first time was nothing, you know, out of the ordinary. We had been drinking a lot. I kind of knew going in, I wasn't going to come, just because I was kind of drunk or whatever. So he, now as I was thinking about this earlier, I realized kind of what else was at play here, because basically he went down to me, tried to go down to me, and I was like, just stop. You know, I'm just so numbed out when I've been drinking. We're drinking all night.

So I was like, don't worry about doing that. And then just kind of, he just, we fucked missionary. And I was literally like, God, I'm just hungry. And I was like, basically in some way or another just was like, just finished. I said it in like I just was like I'm not going to get off I look back on it. I was like I can't believe I never got on top. Getting on top is my thing. I didn't show him any flare.

Like I was just like you can. Okay, whatever. It's two in the morning and I have a pool pizza in my kitchen. That is the only thing I'm thinking about. But he was like he, you know, he does comedy and he later told me that he wrote a bit about the best night that this girl was like, don't eat my pussy. Just come and here's some pizza. Like I was like, yeah, what an amazing night for you.

Yeah, what an amazing night do you curated. He didn't have to really go down to me that much. He got off. And then we just ate a whole pizza. I'm like, what an amazing night for you. You're a curious experience. And then I think the next time we had sex, we also got pizza. And I remember getting a text from him, like, even the next day or a couple days later.

And he was like, I just walked by a pizza place and got hard. Was this your plan? But I was like, it's such a thing you all. Like, I think so many women are probably thinking about food. I am usually thinking about at least my to-do list, if not the snacks. But a whole pie waiting for you. It would kill me to know that that was happening. And just kind of like, I mean, that doesn't happen all the time.

I love to, I like to be in the moment and don't want to think. That doesn't happen all the time. But the fact that I was like kind of drank a lot, knew I wasn't going to get off. It's a brand new person. There's a pizza waiting. And I could smell the aroma. I was like, just do it. Just finish.

And I like went the next day I was like so worried about it. I was like, does he think I'm bad in bed? Because I just laid there. He probably was thinking a little bit of the same thing too, though. The pizza. Yes, the pizza. Listen, I just, I can't have like a full meal just hanging. out in the fridge and not knowing when this is going to end.

All right. Well, you guys submitted what you think guys are thinking in bed. So we're going to pop off about a few of these. And then we're going to bring Michael in. Do you want to start? Okay. I'll just read a few. Okay.

This is, again, nothing confirmed. This is like what women's guesses are, you know, or maybe they know for sure. Maybe they've asked around. Maybe they ask their partner. Maybe they just know. Maybe they're born with a knowledge. Okay, what TV show we're going to watch after. That's kind of funny if you're talking about it.

You're like, what should we watch after this? What he's going to eat after? Dang, this dick isn't really doing the job. That's a shame if a guy's thinking that. Literally nothing except where the come is going to go. Probably don't come, don't come, don't come. Don't fart, don't fart, don't fart, don't fart. So many don't fart.

So many don't farts. Do you think guys even care? They're like, if I fart, I fart, I fart. you know, it's never crossed my mind. Am I going to fart during sex? Does it cross your mind? No, I don't really, it's never really crossed my mind. I mean, I also just, I don't know if I felt like super gassy. Like I couldn't hold in my farts. I probably just would be like, can we hold off? Now I'm thinking about the food I have in the fridge. I'm trying to get out of here. If I get home and somebody's eating that food, that's what I'm thinking. Okay. Also really quick, literally nothing except where the cum is going to go. We talked about this with Jared and we didn't, after we finished recording and it's not that big a deal, but just like teleguise. where the cum should go. Like, you know what I'm saying?

Unless, if you're wearing a condom, right. If you were in a condom, I had a guy finish inside of me once and I was furious. Like, how dare you do something like that's. You know, if you're wearing a condom, no big deal. You're finishing in the condom. If you're just, if you're raw dogging it, like, tell a guy where to come. Yeah. If he doesn't ask, tell him.

Yeah. Like come in my tits. Don't come inside of me, whatever. Yeah. And it's not weird either, by the way. I'll just usually say they don't come inside of me. Just like I. else say don't come inside of me.

You might think it doesn't sound sexy. Who cares? It's better than some guy just coming inside to you. Then you're like, God damn it. Yeah, this just cost me $60. Plan B. Okay.

Why the fuck does she have a picture of her grandma above the bed? Oh my God. Can my roommate hear us, his ex. Yikes. When they need to cut the grass, for the love of God,

please don't queef. So that's what she's thinking. So a lot about quefeing. Yeah. Nobody cares about. called queefing, it's air and inside the pussy. And if we did a whole episode on this, we deep dove on queffing and the episode is from March 2020. And it's called my nudes, my rack, my pussy and my crack. Could be any of the pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. So quifes are, nobody cares. If you're like a chronic

quiefer and you're like, I just keep quefe and like talk to your doctor. But like we've gotten to the age. I don't know. I mean, I think most guys know that it's just like, we said that if you quief, you tell them that means the sex is good. It's like a chef's kiss. don't worry about queefing. Don't worry. It's fine. Tell them that they hit it so hard that your pussy was gasping for air. And then finally, why am I so sweaty? That is so funny.

I have a lot of friends that probably feel like that. I've sweaty friends. Have you dated guys that were like really sweaty? I did a couple guys that were very sweaty and a few of those guys were like self-conscious about it. A person that I am friends with now that I slept with is the sweatiest person I've ever met. He wasn't so bad in bed.

But I think he probably does get in his head a little bit of bad. it, how sweaty he gets. Guys that are really sweaty, usually shower, you know, they kind of handle their sweat and there doesn't usually smell bad. Like, also guys, guys that I've dated that were sweaters, when they sweat, they just smelled like their deodor, which I love the smell of men's deodor. And I'll sniff it and get wet right now. I don't mind like a men's sweat smell either.

I know. I think it's kind of hot. All right, you want to round us out? Okay. What are guys thinking about? They're grandma, so they don't finish too early. Yikes. Crypto and closing deals.

my perfect tits and this wet-ass pussy. That's what they should have been. That is what they're thinking about. There's two right answers to their last too. Probably the crypto too. And don't come. Don't come, don't come. Honestly, if you're thinking about like buying some crypto stuff,

like you should spend that money on me. Have you ever had a guy fart during sex? No. I've never, personally, I have never fart during sex or queved. And I've never had anybody fart or queve. I mean, I guess guys don't quefe. No, never, ever. And I've had a lot of sex.

I had a guy that I was newly dating fart for the first time right before we had sex. It was just, it was the first fart. Like, you'll never forget that first fart. And I remember my first fart was when we were staying at one of my friend's house and I was walking up the stairs and one just slipped out. It was mortified right in his face.

He was right behind me. Do you ever fart in a room and you're like, you think it's safe? Like you fart in the kitchen. You're like, they're never going to come in here. And then two seconds later, they find a reason to be in the kitchen. And you're like, no. No one's going to know.

No one's going to know. I did it. I did it. All right. Well, those are what you guys think. We're going to debunk some of these. Of course, everyone is different. You can't group all people of all gender,

sexual orientation, whatever together. But, you know, most people kind of fall inside the bell curve. All right, guys. We are so excited to welcome our guests today. Advertising age named him to its annual 40 under 40 list. He has been the editor-in-chief of Esquire magazine since 2019, where he oversees all print and digital content, strategy, and operations. He is a New Jersey stand and a new Girl's Got to Eat fan boy. Please welcome to the show, Michael Sebastian. Thank you for having me. I'm honestly

I'm thrilled to be here. And yes, I am a New Jersey stand. So a recent New Jersey stand. So, yes. So thanks again. Yes, we had just chatted with you and we updated your bio in real time to include girls got to eat man fan is what we call what we call we sell merch man fan yeah gg yeah we'll say you oh i didn't know that man fan yeah we got you honestly i will wear the shit out of that i promise okay bell yeah we bell make a note we have our assistant it's our assistant yeah send michael a gggy man fan well we are so excited to have you here today and you like did a little research you prepped you listened to the episodes we're so flattered yeah oh no honestly it was my pleasure some of the best research i feel like i've i've gotten to do lately and and i and i truly love this

this podcast now. So, I mean, after this, I'm going to be, look, you've got a fan and me now, right? So I'm a man fan, man fan. I'm a man fan. So when can we grace the cover? Just let us know we'll show up the cover of Esquire. Absolutely. Let's talk about it. Okay. Right that. Bella, I'm just, you know, we don't, this is, we're going to talk about the sex stuff that people want to hear, but I'm just a little curious about your journey to become the editor of Esquire. have you always been a freelance writer? Have you always written for men's publications? Do you cover sex and dating?

I'm just kind of curious of your history in the space. Yeah, totally. Thanks for asking. So I started as a newspaper reporter in Chicago, like 20 years ago, something like, I'm not quite 20 years ago. Close to that. And then, so it's kind of a circuitous journey, but then ended up at Hearst magazines by like 2015,

where I was the news director of the entire magazine group. And so that just meant that was kind of a role where I worked with a bunch of magazines and everything else. And then I became after that digital director of Esquire magazine. And I was very kind of passionate about bringing this brand. Esquire is an 88-year-old brand this year, right? And it's incredibly iconic. It's a heritage American brand.

And I am obsessed with making sure that this brand kind of goes into the, is firmly in the 21st century and lasts another 88 years and is as relevant today as it was in kind of all of its golden eras in recent, you know, in the last 88 years. So that, that was kind of my mandate when I was digital director and then in 2019 it became editor-in-chief, which just meant I oversaw the whole thing. So to ask your answer your question, though, about whether I've written for men's magazines, no, actually I am, I am a reader. I was a longtime reader of men's magazines, but I was never like one of the kind of mainstays in men's magazines by any stretch of the imagination. And to your question about sex and dating, so it's interesting that Esquire has

long written about sex and relationships and dating and men and women, everything like that. But what's interesting is that, you know, a few years ago, we kind of stopped. And I think it was because we had to think about how we were going to address the issue, right? Because we've done a lot of great writing about sex and dating and women by some amazing writers. Nora Ephron wrote for S-Qaeda magazine in the 70s. We've also done a lot of bad writing about that too. And a lot of writing that has probably, you know, not age well.

Yeah, thank you. That's a good way of putting it. That's a good way of putting it. So we wanted to think long and hard about how we were going to do this. So in the spring, we did a whole issue that was kind of our return. to this and return to writing about sex and dating and relationships and everything else. One of the things that we did was we partnered with Cosmopolitan magazine on a big sex survey. Jess was on your show not long ago.

And then we had just a number of essays from both men and women that were about their kind of experience in the dating world in relationships when it comes to sex, both when it came to the pandemic and beyond the pandemic as well. And I think that that right now for us is the best way forward. It's just to hear from the many perspectives of men and women. And I think the way that I'm trying to think about it is that for pretty much its entire existence, Esquire was obsessed with what women thought about men, right? So there was columns that were written by women, many of them famous, you know,

that tried to explain to men what was in their heads. I'm interested in that, but I'm also obsessed with what's in men's heads. And the reason that I say that, that's why you're doing that. Right. And so we have that in common because, you know, men don't talk about things directly, right? Like when I sit around and talk with my guy friends, we talk about music and sports and TV and we talk shit to each other and all that stuff. And we don't come at something head on. We're talking about these things that are important, but the same things that you talk about, but just in a more, you're doing it a more direct way and we're doing it a more roundabout way, right? And so I just want to get inside their heads. I want to put it down on, on, on, on the page and on the website and everything else so that guys can, A, read those stories and know that they're not freaks. You know, I'm normal, right? I'm just like all these other guys. I think that's something that you, the two of you do so brilliantly as well, which is that you, I don't know, I feel like you make your listeners feel like it's okay. The way I feel, whatever I feel, whatever I feel is okay. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm trying to do when it

comes to that topic. Yeah, and we think that's really important too. And honestly, I think some of the beauty of our show. A lot of you is that people listen to it and get to hear like, oh, I am quote unquote normal. Other people feel like this. And I think that's what connects us all. And so today we have you here to talk about what men think about in the bedroom. And you've done some research. We can talk about your own personal life if you want. You're married. So you certainly don't have to. But, you know, a friend of mine said jokingly to me last week about what men are thinking in bed. He was like, the only thing we're thinking is I can't believe I get to have sex.

We know that it's a little deeper than that sometimes, men of insecurities like women do, and, you know, so our listeners want to know, you know, all kinds of things. Do you have insecurities? Do you think about your body? Do you think about their body? What they're saying, et cetera. We can run through some stuff, but that's what

you're here to talk about today. I just want to say that your friend is incredibly accurate, right? I've been married to my wife for 11 years and together more than that. I'm very blessed. I hate when people say that.

I'm very blessed. Sometimes it's the only word. Let me take that back. Let me just say I'm lucky. I'm lucky enough that we, I feel like we kind of came together in a way that was really good during the pandemic. Right. And just because our lives had gone in all kinds of directions. We both had job, big jobs.

We both had two kids. And it was just like we were going in all different directions. And this really gave us an opportunity to just sort of focus on each other. and our daughters and our family and everything else. And so it was good in that sense, right? But to your friend's point, my wife and I have had sex many, many, many times. And yet every time, I think the exact same thing, right? I think, I can't believe I get to have sex with her.

Yeah. So that never goes away. At least I hope it never goes away. So I think that that's probably pretty calming for a lot of women that are in their heads and they're thinking, what does he think about my breast, my stomach, my angle, you see my double chin. And I think that it makes it really hard for women to have orgasms, at least it did for me.

Like when I first became sexually active, I couldn't focus on my pleasure because I was focused so much on their pleasure and what does my body look like and what are they thinking about while they're looking at my body? And it's hard to be in a relaxed state where you can get off. Yeah.

So I know that you're supposed to be asking the questions, but I'm curious, how did you overcome that? I think just with age I got a little more confident. I think that we would both have different answers. But as I got older, I just realized, like, my body looks great. I work hard to look like this. This is what it's supposed to look like. I think this person's in bed with me because they want to be.

I think that this feels good and this is fun. Let's relax. I mean, I think also, like, if you're nervous, a personality drink doesn't always hurt. But, you know, I just, I like to just lean into feeling confident. And I think with age, you just get a little more confident and feel more comfortable. And also, like, practice makes perfect. I've fucked a lot of dudes.

So I got better at it as I did it more. Yeah. And just kind of like learning these things that like guys aren't judging, you know, the way your body like looks or feels like the way that you are, you know, like the way that you look at your body and pick out, pick it apart and pick out your insecurities. That's nobody else is doing that. You know, nobody else is doing that in the bedroom. No one else is doing that on Instagram like the way that you would do it to yourself.

On a beach. No one cares about you as much as you. care about you. Yeah. Oh, that's, that's 100% true. And I also want to just be like perfectly clear with everybody that's listening, which is that men who I've spoken to both for this and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, we're not judging the bodies of the women that they are having sex with while, while, while that's happening or, or, or, or really at all. I mean, it really does go back to this idea that they're just, we're just, we're just thrilled to be having sex in the first place, right? And if we're having sex with you, that's

because we think you are very, like, we think you're hot, you're sexy, right? And so, like, if anything, it's probably the opposite of what you're, of what you're worried about, which is that, you know, we're looking at you going, fuck, she's hot, you know? And so it's, it's something that I can't, like, be emphatic enough in that men are not thinking about that at all. You use a term on your podcast that I thought was really interesting was, um, when you refer to the, like, when you get horny or something like that, when you're ready to have sex, it's like, who is this girl, right? You know, it's like a stranger to her. I don't know. I don't know her. That's right. That's what you say. And I think that there is actually a real

element of that when it comes to men as well, which is like, you know, where once we're in that setting, it's like, who is this guy, you know? And so that, and that guy is definitely not thinking like, hmm, judging in any way. Let's put it that way. What about in terms of just body? Like, do you, are guys taking off your underpants? I can't believe she didn't shave the last three days. Look, here's the thing is that if they are, then they're, I think, pretty fucking shallow dudes. And I, you know, they're not. And like I said, if they are, then I don't know if you want to be fucking them in the first place. Let's put it that way.

Yeah. And then we got a lot of responses of guys just thinking, like, they're just worried they're going to come too quickly. Like, it's like, you know, is this thing of guys like thinking about baseball or like counting to 100? Like, is that real or is that like an ancient? myth. So there's an interesting nuance, I think, to this, right? Which is that so the straightforward answer is, yes, they are doing that. They are definitely like, I don't know if they're thinking about baseball or they're counting backwards or something like that, but they're definitely thinking themselves, don't come, don't come, don't come, right? So that, you know, whatever form that

takes. I think the interesting thing, though, is men in their 20s, teens, I suppose, you know, probably getting into their 30s, they experience a lot of that. There's something, and this is where the nuance comes from, I think, is that there's something that happens once you get a bit older, right? Where I'm 40 years old and I think that I have no problem sort of being there with my wife in that moment, you know? And in fact, when you are a bit older and you've just got so much on your fucking mind all the time, you know what I mean? That like, it's actually really nice to then focus on that one thing that you're doing. And like, it's interesting because the worry that you would have had as a young man

are actually kind of gone at that point because it's like, it's almost like the way I suppose some people meditate or do yoga, you know, or when you work out or go for a run or something like that, you're able to clear your mind. Like that's, I don't know. I think once you get a bit older, kind of sex can become that in a way.

So what would you say like as a young man comes up a lot that like sort of dissipates as you get older? Am I doing this right? Totally. Don't come. Oh, yeah. So let me, let me, so this is a very specific question that that I had asked some men about, right? So certainly, I feel like we're playing the family feud or something like that, like,

but one of the top answers was certainly like, I don't want to come too much. That was one of them. Another one was, and I think that like two and three are sort of related, right? Because one is, am I any good? Am I good at this? Like, you know, and also it's funny that women are thinking about, you know, oh, God, is this man judging me? Is he thinking about my body and so on?

And, you know, men are thinking that as well, maybe not about their, you know, some about their bodies, right? But others are just are thinking like, was that grown legitimate? Is she enjoying this? Is she, you know, is she like faking all of this? Like, what's going on here? And so the guys are definitely inside their heads when it comes to those kinds of things. So I would say that those are probably the top three right there. And I think that's where women can come in.

And I mean, not everybody is good at dirty talk, for example, but just like general encouragement, positive reinforcement. that's the word I'm looking for. Just like small things you can say like, you know, start, start slow. Like I love the way you feel. Like things like anything you can kind of encourage. I think that goes such a long way. Just hearing like I am doing this right. Like sitting here knowing that and this, we heard this too.

We hear this from our guy friends too. Like there is, you can men can be on a loop of like, am I doing this right? I hope she's liking this. I hope she's liking this. I hope that I'm, you know, pleasing her. So I think women can just always let them know you are, you know. I've been in situations where when I decide to say something like that,

you know, positive reinforcement, immediately I feel like you feel a shift that the person is like more in the moment. And I just think it's so interesting that like men are like, don't come, don't come, don't come. The women are like, please let me go. Let me have that work as. How fucked up is it that that's how it's men are like,

don't do it, don't do it. And women are like, how can I have it happen? I just want it to happen. You can I move my body? Can I, you know, it's like completely opposite pages. And so the secret is just both people just being in that moment if you can get there and like stop being on the loop. You brought up a woman, you know, kind of offers a word of encouragement or something like that. Can I turn that around for a second and say is, is that what women want to hear as well?

I mean, do women want to hear that from men? What do you want to hear in the bedroom? I mean, there's a broad spectrum. Right. Every person is like a one-fits-size-fits one in the bedroom, right? No, no, no. You have to speak monolithically. For all, okay, so if I'm speaking for all women on earth,

I mean, we all want to feel desirable, right? That can take a different form. So, like, whether, I mean, Ashley's jokes, she wants to hear that. She's like, funny. No, I want to hear, like, you feel so good. Yeah, like things, yeah, I want to hear a thing. Yeah, you're so sexy. You know what I don't want to hear is, like,

you made me come harder than anyone else ever has. I don't want to hear than anyone else ever. I don't want to think about you ever doing this. But other than that, yeah, like, you look so sexy, you feel so good. any positive encouragement towards me to let me know that you're excited. And also, I think that's very helpful in getting people out of their heads. And I have a friend who told me she's never had an orgasm with a sexual, like, a penetrative orgasm. Sorry. And my first question was like,

you know, do you have a hard time getting out of your head about how you look? So I think that can help people right out of the gate to feel good. And that obviously like always goes both ways. I am curious what you think. I'm just going to pitch something to you for you to talk about all men. women thinking to themselves, like, am I being creative enough? Do we need to be in four different positions? Do I need to say all kinds of wild shit? And I know every man is different, but for people that are like, am I interesting or exciting enough?

Like, what do you think men would say? Like, do they want you to be more creative? I don't know, I guess. Does that make sense? No, no, no, no. It does make sense. Sorry. Am I boring?

Like, I guess. You know what I mean? Like, you know, we all, we all, we've all seen, we've all seen so much porn and you know, am I exciting enough, you know? And it's like, listen, if you're just laying there on your back every time, no, you're not. You know, like get on top, do something else. Like nobody wants missionary 100% of the time. I don't think. Right. Yeah, I guess that did. Am I like doing enough? Am I bringing enough to the table? I'm going to throw this leg behind my head, you know, but do guys even care? To answer your question, yes, I do guys do care. Certainly. But I don't think that there's, Yeah, do this, do that, you know, that kind of thing. I mean, what I think it all comes down to is this sort of like connection with the person, right?

Because if, I mean, maybe it's the same position every time. But if, you know, both parties seem like fully engaged in what they're doing and they're talking to each other, you know? And I mean, not chatty, but like saying the things that we were just talking about and that there's kind of just a general enthusiasm for what's happening. I feel like that goes a long way. and then that can kind of manifest itself, right, into variety of positions or whatever you want to say. So I think that, yes, to answer your question, yes, guys aren't thinking about that, but it doesn't have to be some kind of wild, like, you know, wild thing, yeah.

Wild thing and like recreating whatever porn film that is in their head. It can just be getting on top. I think women, especially if you have body insecurities, you're like, I'm going to get on top and then like my titties are going to be flopping and my stomach's going to be. And it's like, I don't know. I think every guy loves that. you. Like, you know, that's just no guy's ever been like, oh, she got on top and that her

tits were just flopping everywhere and she had a stomach roll. Like, no guys ever said that. Literally, no guy has ever said that. They don't, they're not looking at your chin. I've never heard a guy say that in my life. And I love the advice also like, as long as you're not just laying there, like, I don't need acrobatics. I, and that's me in the bedroom. Like, I do like a little bit of creativity. I like dirty talk. I like different positions. But as long as a person is present and they seem excited. The opposite of what Ashley said, lay on your back and just take it basically. I don't need to contort my body into some karma sutra pretzel to come.

So I just want the person I'm with to like be excited and say. Yeah, just with some enthusiasm and be present. And I think that really goes a long way. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Present. I didn't use that. Where you use that word. That's a great word, right?

It's to be like present in there and then like excited and enthusiastic and everything else. We had so many, we crowdsourced this. We wanted to know what people wanted to know. And then I think men jumped in. My brother submitted an answer, which we didn't need to see. But he's actually, because he doesn't even care about me. I'll just, but my brother wants to have children, like soon. And he just got married. And so he is thinking a little bit different. Like, you know, I feel like maybe men are like, God, I hope I don't get her pregnant. My brother's like, please let me get her pregnant. You know? But people kind of misinterpreted our question, which is no. no fault of their own, but they were kind of saying things that men think during sex and guessing

what men think about during sex. And so many people said that I think men and women are thinking about what am I going to eat after this, which is a funny thing. But like if you really are thinking about that, you are not present. So like I don't know the answer. But if you, if your mind is wandering and you're like full George Costanza, like what kind of sandwich am I going to have after this? Like try to bring it back to some. I don't know the answer, but like focus on a titty or focus on a the way it feels, like direct your brain to your private area. I mean, part of the answer is don't have sex. You don't feel like having sex, right?

Like, if you're hungry. Yeah, like, go do something else. I don't always want to have sex. I had sex this morning. It was like fine. But like, we didn't have sex yesterday. I just gave him a blow job. And today I was like, all we didn't,

this is too much information for you. But today I was like, I think we should have sex. But I just like, I wasn't as into it as I usually am. So I can't recommend doggy style enough also. You can be on your phone. phone. Yeah. I just loved... I'm just kidding. I used to do a bit that I could just do doggy and be on Instagram, but I've never actually done it, but it's on my bucket list. I have a question, and our listeners asked. I think this is like great. What about lingerie? Do you guys care

what you're wearing, what your panties look like? Do they even notice at all? So this is, I feel like this answer is almost feels canned in a way, but it's not, right? So the answer is that if The lingerie is, and this is something that I also crowdsource after seeing the questions that you sent, right? If the lingerie is fantastic, you know, if it's something that, like, you went out and bought and you can tell that you really feel confident and comfortable and it look really sexy, then, like, absolutely. Then the guy is going to not only notice, but be, like, turned on by that, right? At the same time, if you're just wearing your kind of everyday underwear or something like that, like, honestly, dudes are even turned on by that, too. to an extent too. Because I think it's just like they're just so grateful to be in this situation that it's like, you know, I get, you know, because there's just something like in a guy's brain,

right? That goes back to that like that moment when they just right after they go through puberty where it's just like, I get to see a bra. Like there's just some like, you know, excitement about that. And so I don't think if you're feeling self-conscious like, oh, this is like the bra I wear every day or something like that, you know, like trust me, there are guys, many of them, most of them, who are thinking like, sweet, a bra. I love it. I do wear the same bra like almost every day. It's like, who would even care about that?

It's coming off anyways. But I also like the other side of the corner you're saying, like, if you feel sexy and there's effort, then like that's great too. Like, either one's fine. Well, and I think that whether men realize it or not, however evolved they are, they pick up on energy of if you are confident. So like, if you put something on, you went to, you spent hundreds of dollars in this fancy laundry and you had to strap yourself into it for an hour.

and now you're like stressed and sweating and you're uncomfortable and you try to put a heel on. Like they, they might not even realize, but they're picking up on like a nervous, uncomfortable energy. Like, I think for women, it's like,

do what you feel comfortable in because your partner's picking up on that. And we would always say, I think we said this very early on in the show, maybe like our first episode with Jared was, I learned this with an ex of mine. If anything I did differently, he picked up on. Like the first time I wore boy shorts,

like little just like, you know, boy shorts. He'd never seen me in them. I mean, they make your butt look a little different. He was like wildly turned on. My pussy wasn't out. He was just like, I've never seen her in that.

Like, it's just like a different type of lingerie. Like if you're always, you always wear a full coverage nude bra, then you're going to put on some lacy shit. They're going to be like, whoa. Guys are kind of worse. Like, I don't even know if they know what they're turned on by, but they are or something. Yeah.

And you bring up a good point, though, about the idea of like, if you're feeling, if it, all of a sudden it feels like, almost formal in a way. Like, hey, I put on all of this stuff and, like, now I'm a museum piece or something like that, you know? Like that is going to, that's not, that's not sexy at all, right? Okay. I have a question.

We've talked about this in the past, not specifically in the bedroom maybe, and I like to get different answers from different men anyways, but when we were to talk about spicing up their sex lives and a lot of them have expressed us like, well, I've never sent a dirty pick or I've never, like, sexed it. And so, like, I don't know what he's going to say, and I'm nervous.

And I have a girlfriend that expressed that to me too that she like busted out a dirty line. And her voice was like, what the fuck? So in the bedroom, if you're like, I'm worried that like what I'm going to ask is going to be too much. And I'm worried I'm like going like too crazy. Like talk to me about that.

Talk to me about you're a man. You don't think of your girl as like a freak. But she's like tonight I'd like to try like a different loo or like to touch your butthole or whatever. Like I want to alleviate people's fears that like people are going to shame you. And if somebody shames you, fuck that person. But I agree with that wholeheartedly. Somebody shames you fuck that person.

And so I can't imagine there being any outer limits for a dude. I feel like that there is just, you know, like a woman could basically say anything freaky. And a guy would be like, yeah, I could be into that, you know. Yeah. He might have to be like, what did you say? Like our friend had to be like, wait, wait, what did you say? And she said it again. He was like, say it again.

Right. And she finally said it with confidence. He came immediately, right? Is it what happened? was like his dick exploded. And she was like the first time he was like, what the fuck did you just say to me? Sorry.

No, no, no, no. I think, I think that you're absolutely right, which is that like there, I would not feel self-conscious. If I were a woman, I would not feel self-conscious. Knowing what I know about being inside of men said nothing that they say is going to be like, what was that?

You know, that's not going to happen. Yeah. Did you hear anything else from the, people from the men you polled that surprised you or anything we haven't discussed yet? Were they all the same? Because all men are the same. I mean, it was pretty, I have to say that it was, it was pretty similar. One thing that I was interested in was, you know, you asked, what do men, like, what are men thinking when this is happening, right? And that was something that, a couple of answers that I got, right?

One was interesting that you brought up that was just like, I'm just excited to be here, just happy to be here, folks. I'm happy to be here. Like that kind of thing, you know. Also thinking about like, you know, am I doing a good job, that sort of thing? Another answer was I wasn't thinking about anything. Like that I feel like there's also men,

just like kind of go blank, right? And that is something, not in a bad way. I don't mean in a bad way. I mean, it's almost like some sort of like, meditative. That's the positive way of putting it. Maybe it's like a catatonic state or something like that. You all have that box in your brain that you go into and nothing's in it. You're just hanging out. Right. Exactly. No, I mean, it makes sense, right? Because there are definitely times where, you know, with my wife asking, like, oh, you know, what are you thinking about? And like, literally I'm thinking

about nothing. Like, it's just one of those things where, I don't know what I'm talking about during sex. I'm talking about like when I'm sitting on the couch staring at the wall, right? Or the TV or something like that. It's just like, nothing actually. Just and it's great. I think that's a great message to send. We've probably said it in the last three years of podcast somewhere along the lines of asking your partner, your male partner, what he's thinking. And he says nothing and women don't buy it.

It's like, please buy it. It's the truth. They're not on a crazy loop like we are all day. We're wired differently. Like there's memes about it of like, what's a great. What's he think? Like what they're in bed?

Oh, yeah. What's he thinking about it? It's nothing or it's just like something so stupid that they are embarrassed to tell you. They're like, I wonder, you know, there's something from like, I don't know. I don't know an example. I don't have a man's brain. But like, it's, I think sometimes you could think your man is deep in thought.

And he's just not. And women, it's not a satisfactory answer. Like, they're like, there's no way you're thinking about nothing. I think about things all day long, 24-7. 25 things right now. Yeah. Yeah. So sometimes it's actually the truth.

Well, I think that you bring up a good point, too, which is that, and maybe that's more accurate when you, when I say thinking about nothing. It's actually more like I'm thinking, about something so incredibly stupid that I say nothing because it's like, well, I'm thinking about a scene in Top Gun and how I'm not sure it actually makes sense to the plot of the movie right now. And you know, you're trying to talk to me about our kids kindergarten picnic or something like that. And if I tell you that I'm thinking about Top Gun, that's going to make me feel it's going to reflect poorly on me, I suppose. Right. Like a woman's like, what are you thinking? And he's

like, I was thinking about like WWE last night and like that one move. You know, they're just like, I can still, I can't tell her that because she's, you know, got all this other quote unquote important stuff on her mind. So I think sometimes the answer is just nothing. I wanted to ask something. We get this a lot. We've talked to a lot of different people about it, but it doesn't ever hurt to get multiple opinions on just taking it slower. And I think both parties can rush into sex. And sometimes you just want, you know, you want to just be penetrated. And that's what you want. You want to just get it in quickly. But a lot of times women want to take it slower. You know, like we all know when it takes longer for women to get aroused. We hear from women that they don't

know how to say that. Like they don't know how to say like, take it slow. Because they don't mean I don't want to have sex with you. They're not saying take it slow as in, which is also a thing you can say. I don't want to do this. But I want to get there. I just want more touching, more kissing, more more forward. I want an experience. An experience. Yeah. So the question is how do you kind of get men to go along with that? Yeah. How do you ask for that a little bit more other than like, you know, this is for, I dated somebody who like sex, I would say was for

his pleasure, right? Like, it was just like he penetrated me. It was fine. I was very attracted to him, but it wasn't like it he didn't try to curate experience for me in any way. Curate experience. I like that term. Yeah. Same. So my, my answer to that is twofold. And

and for the first part, what I, I think it's interesting. I know that you had Jess Pells on your podcast earlier and she, sure she talked about the survey that we did. But there was something that was interesting that we found in this survey, which was how much more kind of explorational that both men and women have become, want to become. And is it a result of being locked up together? Probably, I don't know. But I think that that's something that is encouraging, right? Which is that we know that at least the men that we surveyed say that they're more interested in doing that kind of thing. So that's a positive

of thing right there. I think the other thing is in order to sort of convince a man of that or something, is that it goes back to this question that we talked about earlier, which is this idea of being present and being engaged, right? Which is that you don't have to be recreating a, you know, a porn. Like you just need to need to be present and with the person and enthusiastic. And if they're doing the things that you want them to do, you're going to be more present and more enthusiastic. I mean, I feel like it's the idea sort of sells itself. And again, if we, go back to that, not to bring a very unsexy thing like data in, but if we

go back to that data, we know that that a majority of men say that they're more willing to engage in that kind of behavior. Yeah, and I think it's like, again, the positive reinforcement of like if they're doing something, you just want it to last longer, like you can literally say

that. You can just, you know, in a sexy way like, can we make out a little bit longer? Can you just touch me like that a little bit like? Do you keep doing what you're doing? Right. You know, because I think we just, it just takes a little bit longer for women to get, like, warmed up to a point where they are ready for penetration or for whatever, whatever kind of sex you're having. Yeah. Not a hot take. We've sat on this podcast a million times. Say I saw this thing on this podcast. I want to try. Try a massage. Yesterday. I didn't want to, I don't want to, like, do finger and mouth stuff either. But he started, like, rubbing on me. And I was like, okay. But, like, you know, I need to be, like, warmed up a little bit. There's nothing wrong with you if a man is, like, has a hard dick and is ready to go. And you're like, I need five minutes of some other stuff. I mean, and to your point about kind of the communication, as men think about, am I good at this,

am I doing the right thing? To tell them what to do is not a bad thing at all because, you know, it kind of takes the guesswork out of it. Let's put it that way. Yeah, because we're all bringing experiences in from our previous relationships. And that's what my last girlfriend liked. I don't know what you like. Yeah. And, you know, we had somebody on one of the very first guests we had said everybody's like,

every woman's body is like a different amusement park. Treasure map. Treasure map. Yeah. Or something like that. He's the worst. But I thought it was a great point that everybody's just bringing in experiences from their last partner and you have to like re-educate them on your treasure map.

But then also importantly, to your point, don't mention like, well, this is what I did with the last. Yeah. I literally hate that. You don't want to hear that. But we also say like you are like thanking those women for teaching them. If they're doing something good, you're like, shout out to the woman before. You got them how to choke with the appropriate. amount of pressure because he's a pro.

He's so true. All right. Well, that feels good to me. Unless there's anything else, you feel like we missed. What I do want to underscore is that the most recent episode of your podcast I listened to was the shoot your shot summer. And I thought that the advice that you were giving, which is just like to put yourself out there and, you know, like walk up to guys and talk to them and like, what's the worst thing

that's going to happen, that sort of thing? And a couple of things that you were saying, which is that like, nobody's going to shame you for for approaching them or talking to them on a dating app or something like that. And that is, I mean, that is so true, right? Is that I just, I kind of want to get that across, which is, which is all of your advice in that episode is so sound and so true. And that, you know, don't like, if anything, the guy is just going to be so flattered and so pleased that like you went for it. You shot and shot, you know? And so, yeah, everybody shoot your shots. Thank you for validating us.

We're so grateful for your time. We love that you did this. Obviously, we want everybody to read Esquire. We're fans of Esquire. Thank you. Yes, me too. And follow you on Instagram. I thought Esquire follows me on Instagram, actually. It has for a long time.

So if there's anything else, we can direct people towards, anything else that you want to let people know about, now would be the time. So read Esquire, subscribe to Esquire and print. read us at Esquire.com, follow us on Instagram, follow us on Twitter, you name it, right? Just read Esquire. It's a great magazine.

It's a great website. We're doing fun things. We're doing new things. So please everyone check it out. Yeah. And I love that you let us know how you guys have been approaching the sex conversation, just being really intentional about it. So that's really, really great.

Yeah. Thank you for your time. Thank you so much. Yes. My pleasure. Thank you for having me. All right. Bye.

And you guys know where to find us. Girls Got Eapodepodcast.com. Get tickets to the third Philly show before they sell out. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram. I'm Ash Hess on Instagram. Raina is ranan. dot Greenberg.

Girls underscore got to eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash girls got to eat. Thanks guys. Have a good week. Bye.