Girls Gotta Eat - What Their Money Style Says About Them as a Partner feat. Financial Journalist Nicole Lapin

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

It's another episode about moneeey, and this time, we are joined by financial journalist and best-selling author Nicole Lapin to chat about money and dating – what someone's money style says about what kind of partner they'll be, red flags to look for on a date, how to approach awkward conversations about finances, handling salary disparity with your partner when it comes to rent, vacations, etc., and more. Plus, we're also tackling money issues with friends (like that one friend who never pays you back and why you shouldn't go in debt for someone's wedding). Before Nicole joins us, we are sharing our (and our listeners') wildest cheap date stories, debating another theory about breakup season, and chatting about how friendships change over time. Enjoy! You can now watch our episodes on YouTube! Follow Nicole on Instagram @nicolelapin and check out her podcast Money Rehab. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for SNACK CITY 2023 tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Pretty Litter: Get 20% off your first order at prettylitter.com/gge. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Osea: Get 10% off your first order with promo code GGE at OSEAmalibu.com. Julie: You can go to juliecare.co to learn more, or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And I was like, no, I don't want to touch that break in check. And he was like, neither do I. Okay. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. I'm having a great day. I'm having a day. I didn't see that coming.

Your day has consisted of other people. Other people's problems. Other people is having fucked up days. It reminds me that I don't have any problems. Yes, exactly. you have been thriving by comparison today to some of your closest friends all you have to do is not have a romantic relationship with anybody true it is so true i mean to live this unbothered life i've never in my life felt more busy overwhelmed on the verge of having to break down most days

but i still feel like what if i had a man to worry about what if someone else needed my time my affection. I just suck your dick at the end of the day where I'm just getting ass fucked all day. I mean, on the other hand, it would be nice for me to get fucked at the end of these days. But listen, that's why I got my vibes only vibrator.

Wow. That's all the time I have. It's just a quick little battery-powered orgasm. I used the rain at last night. My leg was shaking. All right, well, we're going to jump. We're going to get right back into it. Well, I've been using the new toy

that we'll be having for the holidays. I feel like it's too soon. It's too soon. It's too soon to tease it. They're not here yet. So they're coming and then you'll be coming. But the new toys that we're releasing, man. It's been, I've been putting it in.

I've been, yeah. I put it in. I bring it back. I swirl it around. We have two toys coming out. And just so you know, I thought you met the other one. Oh, no. That's a different home.

Not quite. We have really upgraded the portfolio to include more stuff to go in your holes. Yeah, all the holes. We're whole inclusive. Okay, today is the day, you guys. We are so excited. Snack City Tour goes on sale today. 10 a.m.

Your local time. We are releasing 17 cities, 18 shows. And that is today. So you can go to Girls Gottaeat.com. You get tickets for everything. There's a link to every single show. I mean, Bella, I hope there is. I can't wait to start talking about the shows.

People literally don't care. They literally don't care, and I literally don't care. and I literally don't care. Someone left a comment last week, talking about the tour too much. What do you want us to do? Not announce it. Not acknowledge it.

Not hype every city. She's like there's ads and they talk about the tour. That's how we support ourselves financially. You guys don't pay for this show. This show is free. Yeah, this show is free. We can put it behind a paywall

but I don't think you guys would like that. No one wants that. Anyway, I just, I was reminded about I literally don't care. I mean, it's been since Christmas of 2019. And if you're new here, we got this email on Christmas morning. I was sitting on Ashley's parents' couch that said, I literally don't care about your stupid live shows. Stop talking about them so much.

So we branded the shit out of that for years. Yeah, we saw merch. You can get it at Carlscutty Podcast.com. I think it's so funny because we have so much merch. So sometimes I need to like offload it and I'll put something in like the Goodwill pile that I just think it would be so funny if someone found it at a goodwill. They're like, why does this sweatshirts say I literally don't care? Like, what is GGE? Like, I just think it's funny that someone could be like, fuck it.

It looks cute. I send a lot of girls going to eat stuff to Goodwill because I have so much of it. Where else is it going to go? Yeah. And also, if you don't hear your cities, like we said before, we are coming to a lot of places in the fall as well. Yes. We'll run through these really quick, and then you can catch the whole list on our website as well.

So February 3rd, Salt Lake City. There's two shows that night. February 4th, Denver, February 16th, Phoenix, Arizona. March 3rd, Tampa. March 4th, Orlando, March 5th. Miami will be at the fountain blue. And Sacramento, we'll be there on March 18th, March 31st, Milwaukee, April 1st, Minneapolis. And April 15th, New Haven, Connecticut for the first time.

May 6th, Chicago, May 12th, Philly, May 13th, D.C., May 20th, Boston at the Wang, 6-9, Cleveland, and then June 10th, Columbus, and then June 11th, Cincinnati. And if you guys haven't been our shows, they are wild, so fun. Bring your bachelor at, bring your birthday party, come solo, bring your husband, bring your boyfriend, bring your girlfriend, do whatever. It is really so fun. There's nothing like it. They're just going to be bigger and better.

I mean, what we did earlier this year, I'm still like, that was crazy. So we're just going to make it even crazier. There's like so many different elements and now we can throw a loob out in the crowd. Listen. We have even more. Maybe I'm going to masturbate on stage. You never know. Yeah.

So you can get all that, Girl's Gauditop Podcast.com. We have merch there. We've all the episodes. Obviously, watch the show on YouTube. Ashley will recap all this at the end as well. The Raina's are back in stock. It's our Vibes Only products. So you can get that now.

I used it last night. Make your leg shake. It's amazing. It's a clit sucker. And our app has a free remote and all kinds of really great content that we work really hard on, the erotic audio story.

So check that out. Yes, vibes only.com. And that is the name of the app. You can get it in the app store and for Android. And we're releasing some more stuff for the holidays. So get ready. Yeah. Okay, I wanted to circle back to one thing.

I'm doing this again from last week because I was talking about it with my brother this past weekend about the breakup season. And I had another take I wanted to share. I'm wondering if people break up in the fall because summer commitments are over. Like with partners, you do the vacations, you go to do the weekend trips, like weddings. I was thinking, I was like, I feel like maybe all that shit is just over. You have no more commitments that tie you to each other. Like, you're not going to break up with somebody when you pay a deposit on a vacation. Or you have a plane flights or you have a wedding you want to bring somebody to a relationship.

Like I wonder if it's like the commitments are over and now I want to have my seasonal depression alone. It's like I also thought of it just generally being a seasonal change, but whatever. That's kind of my thing was this new new take. It is like hustle season for me. Like you know I always say every like around Labor Day I'm always like I'm so fucking ready for people to get back to work. It is like playtime in the summer. And then the falls like hustle, settle down time. Maybe people don't want, I mean, if you and I had a boyfriend right now,

what would I even have to give them? My whole life, my whole career since I started working for myself, October has been the busiest month of my life. I think it is that people slow down in the summer. I know that's true. We did. And then you kind of come back to September is getting everything back. And then October, you hit it so hard because then you're close the end of the year.

So people are trying to meet end of year goals. And it just, because in November, it's holiday start. So it's this in between the summer and the holiday season that it's just crunch time for everything. I don't know if other people feel like that, but I've always felt like that. But I just wonder and feel free to like send us your stories if it's like you thought to yourself or you know that your partner did this. Like the weddings are over. The fucking Hampton's trips over. You've embarrassed me all summer with our friends and family.

Oh, no, just me. That was just my experience. That's why I broke up last October. Or hear me out. You just someone loses their tan. and you're like, ew. That's what people bring up with me. They're like, that's what she looks like.

Ew. Stop. Okay. And then one other thing. So we're talking about money today with Nicole Lapin. And then we are talking about cheap dates and we have so much funny stuff to share. And we're talking about doing the reach for your wallet, like on a date. Like, do you do the fake reach or the real reach?

Like, what do you do? We're talking about. We're discussing it. I was at dinner Saturday that I paid for and a man was there and he did not bother to reach for his wallet. And that man was my dad. Lee Heseltine has stopped even pretending he's going to pay when I'm there. That is so funny. He's like, I have done so much for this bitch.

If you guys have ever come to our live shows, the stories Ashley specifically tells about her dad are so crazy and wild. He's been through it. So he's like, I'm not paying for dinners anymore. And he's paid for a lot. You know, I mean, he's the dad and he's like, I'm done. Like, Matt and I joke so hard. He acts like he doesn't even have a wallet.

hasn't seen a wallet. Doesn't, like, no money on him. That is so funny. It's just funny as a family because it's like, I couldn't even imagine paying for a full dinner for my family prior to 2014. Had I ever paid for my whole family of dinner, honestly, prior to girls got to eat, I would have talked about it forever. That would have been the meal that I took care of forever.

It could have been the cheesecake factory. I would have brought this up every week forever. You guys remember that one time I paid for dinner? Huh? I think that, like, in 2015, I was like kind of starting to do okay for my. myself. And I did, I think my boyfriend at the time was with us and we did go to Grottoes and I paid. And my family like gasped. Like I think they thought I was trying to show off. Yeah. I mean, it was also pizza. It was like the cheapest feeling. But I think at that moment they were like,

then they probably thought I was just trying to flex in front of my boyfriend. But he wasn't going to get it. I know. It was like a we got this, but it was that I got this. We took my ex out to lunch at the cheesecake factory. My dad and me and my ex. It was during the summertime when you still have commitments. And he didn't even do the reach to pay for lunch for my dad at the Cheesecake Factory. I got a Caesar salad. It was like $18. It is so true.

Like I want to make it so clear today that we are not dragging people from not making money at all. I didn't make any money. Ray and I have been broke ass bitches and we have dated broke boys. And somehow we still fuck them even though Cardi B says broke boys don't get no pussy. We still gave them our pussy. They get all my pussy. It's just not about that. It's about like cheap behavior, which is just so different.

I just don't want somebody to be rude to me. Not ever, like, we're going to do these emails about being cheap. And like, some people were like, he took me to fast food restaurants. It's like, that's what you can afford. That's what you could afford, you know? Well, I have a lot to say about it. But, yeah, I mean, we just want to overstate that, like, we know people are struggling, people work hard.

They don't make a lot of money. Like, not a lot of people can afford big, lavish dates or even, like, middle of the road dates, like, whatever it is. So it just really has nothing to do with that. And we're all having these conversations with our friends. So obviously we're going to have it on the podcast. Yeah. I went on a date on Sunday.

I'm just kidding. It wasn't a date. It was with Jared Freed. This is the first time I have ever hung out with Jared one-on-one solo. Oh, my God. You know you always have that friend in the friend group that you're like with a lot of people with them, but you don't like hang out alone. And like, I love Jared so much when you spend so much time with him.

You spent time with him alone because you guys like traveled to Denver together. I'm so jealous. but I've never spent time with him alone, and I had tickets to this barbecue event, the New York City Wine and Food Festival, which supports the City Harvest. It's a great charity organization. Oh, wait.

That's why I did, I should have a show last week that benefited City Harvest. So now that makes more sense. It's like right before the Wine and Food. Okay. So the New York City one is around now every year. The one in South Beach is in February if you guys want to get tickets.

But it's a really fun, worthwhile event. It's for charity. So I had tickets to the barbecue event on Sunday, and it was right by the Intrepid Museum. It was this big outdoor space. It's like, 40 different restaurants for whatever the theme is. So that day was barbecue.

So 40 barbecue restaurants from like around the country, which is so cool. It's a dream. And there's all this alcohol everywhere. Blue Moon was sponsoring it and Bullet Bourbon. And I was just thinking like who would enjoy this and appreciate it. I texted Jared like on a whim. And he's never around on the weekends.

He doesn't socialize me one on one. But I was like he seems like he would like it. And then he said yes. Why? And I was like, what are we going to do? That is so funny. Like you never imagined they would say yes. I never imagined in a million years he would say yes.

I went first of all, I didn't even know that I was going to be like, oh my God, what do I wear? I went home and showered. I did my hair. I changed. I looked all cute.

And then he wanted to eat at every single booth. And I was like really full. And he was like, I don't understand. I was like, I can't let cherry down. I want to embarrass myself in front of the Lord. So I had to eat at all the booths.

But we had a lot of fun. It's so fun. It didn't feel romantic. I was like, like, oh my God, did you be like other stuff? He was like, yeah, I did cancel on these other girls. These two other girls. And I was like, for me?

If they're listening, Raina? He was like, I was like, for me. And he was like, no, no, no, no. Way before you. He was like, I just had other stuff going on today. I couldn't like, I was like, oh my God, if they're listening right now. No, no, like, so I'm like, fuck you, Rana. Jared bail on our dates.

We could go eat barbecue with you from a bunch of stalls. No, he bailed on you guys way before that. No, his apartment is actually not far from where the event was. So we just, like, walked over. And it was really funny. It's just, it's always so funny when you have that one-on-one time with you. You're like, is this going to be okay? I was thinking about that recently.

Not that this is the Jared situation, but kind of how friendships, like, evolve over time. And I went to a dinner this past weekend with a girlfriend who is like in my friend group, who I've been friends with for so many years. But it's like kind of we have a group before. And now you obviously spend time with us too. But I just haven't had like so much one-on-one time with her where we like go to dinner, go to drinks, like alone and spend like hours alone. Like I love it.

I love that I wouldn't have really thought that that would happen maybe five years ago. And now it's like so great. And obviously we have like so much to talk about and so much to share. And I just feel so close to her. And this is different than this was years before, you know, in like the best way. There's always that one friend in the group that I think is like you haven't had to like work for the friendship as much because you guys are just in a group of friends. And like there's just a reason to spend a lot of want of wine time together because like, especially you and this girl, you don't live in the same city. So when you're together, it's always like in the group.

Yeah, you know. And I had that thing too with my friend Sarah, who is Emily, who on the show, it was her business partner, a petite pasta joint. We'd never spent time alone. All of our time together was through Emily. So we didn't have a dependent relationship. And she was the only person that I knew in town last year in March when I went to get the vaccine. And I was like, I just wanted somebody to come with me.

And I, like, invited her to come. And then I realized we had to like be in a car together 45 minutes each direction. Yeah. Never spent time together. And it was nice. to form my own relationship with her. And it started from there and we talked about our lives a lot when we were solo.

Because it is just weird when you finally get that one-on-one time with that person that you're like, we spend so much time together. But yes, this happened. This is with my like Atlanta group of friends, which now we're all spread out, but we were all kind of we started in Atlanta. That's like the group, the Atlanta group. And there's one girl who I would say maybe her and I are at the far end

of the group of like six or seven where we're like the least close. Like everybody's got their own friendships within the group. And I remember years ago when we were going to go to the lake together. Like it just worked out that we were doing this lake thing. And her and I drove together. And everybody was like, what's going to happen?

Like, everyone was like, Ashley. They were like, Ashley and Mindy are riding together. Like, it was just, we never. Her and I never spent a lone time together. And people are like, what are they going to talk about? That's how I was great. It was great. I know, but you had that.

It's like awkward because it shouldn't be awkward. And you're just like, I don't know how to acknowledge this is all. I don't really know you. No. And it's not like you and I, do this for a living, we socialize so much, we talk for a living. Like, I always know it's going to be fine. I can talk to anybody, but it is that feeling of this is like a new adventure in this friendship. It is, it's nice. Okay. Do you want to do quick wrecks? Yeah, you guys, I'm going to go quick because I have a whole bunch this week,

but we're going to just knock them out quickly because I promised Ashley. Okay. I was just saying, like, we have so many, like, listener stories. Yeah. I have two comedy specials that I really loved. I'm Nick Kroll has a new one. It's called Little Big Boy on Netflix. Really just, like, fun and silly and light. And then Hassan Minhaj has a new one. You guys may know him from The Daily Show. It's called The King's Jester.

It is so good. He really talks about his personal life and politics a lot and social media addiction. And he uses the screen to just enhance the whole thing. He was great. It's my favorite. We love him. It's my favorite. I've ever seen him.

We saw him in Montreal. What, JFL 2019? Yes. We went to the gala and then we saw him. And then Nick Crow. what we saw coming out of that coffee shop in Austin and you were about to chase him down. I DM'd him.

Nickroll will always just be publicity to me. He was also... Like from that sketch. Yeah, I know. He also, do you ever watch The League? I really think of the League. It's an FX show that's a little undercover. But both of those comedy specials, unbelievable.

So check those both out. I just watched The Watcher. I just finished it. I told you to watch it. It is a true story about a New Jersey house and basically this family that was in and they're getting these letters from somebody that's basically saying, I'm the watcher and I'm watching

you guys and I'm in out of the home basically. It's a true story. You can look up the story on Newarkmag.com. I knew I wasn't going to get the satisfaction I wanted from it because it's an unsolved mystery. No, but they never solved the case. Why is that so funny to me? The way you said it was like it was the hottest take. You're like, so I never found out what happened

because it's an unsolved mystery. Like there wasn't a whole show called Unsolved Mysteries. Where people... You fucking hated that show. That is so true, though. That really is like, I don't... That stuff is not for me. That, I lost so much sleep over that Malaysian airplane.

Yeah. Where is it? I, like, I can't handle that stuff. I'll lose too much time thinking about unsolved mysteries. Yeah, it's like I'm masturbated for eight episodes and never got to climax. It's ridiculous. But Jennifer Coolidge is in it. I'm obsessed with her.

It's fine. It's nightmare fuel. somebody's going to break into your house. So if that stresses you out, I maybe would not watch it. I'd have a nightmares for days. But it was like a decent watch. So that, the D'Amilios is back on Hulu for season two, which we love, the D'Amilio family. And then I'm back on my book game. I'm reading. So I just, this is my last track, but I crushed this book in just like three sittings. I'm glad my mom died by Jeanette McCurdy. This book is, it's incredible. It's a true story. Jeanette McCurdy was an actress.

She's still alive. If you guys watched Ike Harley, she was one of the actresses on Ikele. That's after my time. But she talks about basically being raised by a really sick narcissist who taught her, basically forced her into acting and then trained her to have an eating disorder at the age of 11 and trained her to fast and stop eating. And basically her whole life revolved around like pleasing her mother.

And so it's this really sick, horrible relationship. And she doesn't even realize until she's in her late 20. is that this was like detrimental to her, that this was like her enemy essentially. So it's a really sad, sick, horrible story, but really well written. And yeah, I really highly recommend it. I couldn't put it down.

I thought it was a really great book. Okay. Those are my racks. I listened to a couple podcasts. So the joke that is that I don't listen to a podcast. I listen to the daily. We all know that. But if you look at my Apple and it says your podcast,

It's just girls got to eat in the daily. And I show people there like, what? And that's, I listen. I listen to podcast episodes all the time. Like I'll pull up, you know, one of Jared's or, you know, of course the ones that were on. Like the Drew Barrymore one I was listening to. So, but I just don't have like a ton of time and I really like to be in the car. Like that's when I enjoy listening podcasts or I'm like walking around.

I don't need to qualify this. But I'm just saying. So I just had a couple episodes that I wanted to recommend. Oh, my God. Obama was on Pod Save America, which is just such a huge. I mean, I get it, though. It's like, of course, he's going to go on the, like, a huge podcast around the midterm elections. It's like he's going to reach more people than that than doing some little event.

Michelle should come on this show. I know. So I just loved listening to him. And the title was something of like Obama's advice to Democrats. And he just really talks about kind of like where the flaws lie within the Democratic Party, also very much the Republican Party. But it's just like a really candid conversation with him. And I just love hearing his voice.

And so I just loved hearing him on that episode, especially with. the upcoming midterms and I just think that's really important. So listen to that. And then I just, I listen to this. I have been feeling really overwhelmed and really overworked and like I'm at a breaking point. And so I just saw this clip on Instagram and I went to list in the episode. It's Dear Gabby, which is Gabby Bernstein. And then she had on Marie for Leo.

And she said this thing that really spoke to me. She said that she had this, she was like such at a breaking point. And then she had this mantra coming to her head that said, I don't do overwhelm. and she just decided to stop. They dove into why that way of language of I don't do this thing is so much more effective than saying to yourself, like, I can't do this thing or I won't allow myself to do this thing. And that spoke to me and I've been trying to implement that into my self-talk. I don't do that anymore.

I don't get to that point. I don't complain to everybody how overwhelmed I am anymore. Like, it really helped me. I think it's really important the thing about the self-talk because, I find myself when I get really overwhelmed. I mean, I'm a talker. I'm a sharer. I want to tell people how I'm feeling,

especially with my best friends say, how are you? I'm like, I'm overwhelmed. I'm stressed out. I have all this going on. And I am aware that pain is relative and stress is relative. Everybody feels stress. And so I don't want to dump all over people that are also working really hard too.

And my friends are wonderful. Nobody's ever made me feel like this is too much. And people know we work hard. But I think that it's important to talk, but it's also important to do your own self-talk as well and just coach yourself through things and have an inner monologue about this stuff a little bit. Yeah.

And then I did watch Heartbreak High on Netflix, which people recommended to me. They know I like shows about high schoolers. Very similar to sex education to me. I even so much that I put a poll in my story, I was like, this is very niche, but for people who have watched both sex education and Heartbreak High on Netflix,

which do you like more? I'll give you guys a results as of now. 88% of people. Oh, wow. Yeah. I mean, listen, I liked it. I finished it. I finished it largely in.

part because there's this thing that they don't let you know what happened until the very end. And I guess I could have Googled it, but I was like, I like, I like it enough. I'm going to see it through. Like, this thing happens between the two main characters, these two best girlfriends, and they basically have this falling out. And you literally don't know why until the last episode. So I'm just telling you guys that if you're like, what happened? They don't tell you until the end.

So I like the themes of it. Again, very similar to sex education. Teenagers exploring their sexuality, slut shaming, STDs. I mean, I enjoyed it. I just, I felt a lot of similar. with sex education. I just like that more. But if you're like,

I love sex education, I think you would like this too. Oh my God, you guys are so lucky. There's just a wealth of recommendations today. Yeah. Books and podcasts. Oh my God,

so much. Also, last thing, and we really are going to move on. If you listened to the podcast, Father wants us dead, I think it was like the number one podcast for a few weeks in the U.S. Or at least like the top crime one.

That was a true crime in Westfield, New Jersey. And that is the same place that the watcher takes place. And so it's like if you liked that podcast, to do reference that crime a little bit. So if you're a podcaster like me, you're a true crime,

aficionado. They talk about that there as well. Okay. And we'll put this all on Instagram for you guys. Okay, cheap dates, cheap men, broke boys. Let's get into it. I don't even know where to start, Raina.

Start with everyone I've dated. But this is the difference. And I want to stress again. Like, you and I have dated plenty of guys that didn't make you. You've got to deal with that now. Raina stood up to do what? Adjust her vagina?

I do. Raina had to pull her camel toe out of her puppy vaj and Azul just took her spot. Ashley really knows me well. Azul, can you get over? Come here, cutie, I know. No, no, don't leave. Don't leave.

Just go over to Ashley. I will say my problem with people being cheap is not that it's a cheap date, it's that they're rude. So I've dated people that didn't have money my whole life. I didn't have money half my life. And I have dated people

that even if they didn't have my life, money. They wanted to plan things that were really thoughtful. Like, I don't need things that are expensive. I want things that are thoughtful. But of course, most of these are first dates and people that were turned off. Well, I mean, I don't even know. I mean, rude, of course. But I've had to go out with guys. I'm going to share some of these stories that it's like being cheap has turned into a part of their personality. It's like they are wearing it on their sleeve. They can't shut the fuck up about it. I don't want to hear about it. And again, like I've dated guys that, I mean, not that this is the

best way to be either, but an ex of mine, I mean, he told me later, I mean, our first, like, real date, we had hung out and we, like, partied together, but, like, our first dinner date, he, like, went out and bought new pants that day and, like, overdrafted his account. Like, I'm not expecting that, but he wanted to impress me and pay for things. And, you know, in our relationship, it became apparent that I made more money. And I was always happy to pay for things. And if I paid for, like, a flight here and, like, whatever. Yeah, I also. Yeah, I also. Also, I mean, I would always rather an experience over like a gift. Like I'll take a fun adventure versus a piece of jewelry.

I don't need things that cost a lot of money. I want things that like took some thought. And I had this like crazy experience. I've never talked to the show. This is a while ago. Whatever. I had a birthday and my ex messaged three of my best friends. Like what should I get her?

And all three of my best friends told him like really thoughtful, inexpensive things to all food related. Like Emily told him, like, do like a tour in like Chinatown or whatever. And like you told him like go get bagels and like set up like a brunch in my apartment. And he just did none of them. Yeah. It was crazy. I mean, so I want to circle back to this. Like you can do a cheap date.

Like I will go sit at the dog park with somebody. I don't even want to like go to a dinner. I don't need to go get drinks. I don't drink that much anymore. Like, again, like cheap dates in New York a lot easier. You can literally just walk around the park. I would never shame somebody for suggesting that, whether it's money related or not. I mean, I had a guy that wasn't trying to take me on a cheap date, but he wanted to do this

little taco tour. This was years ago and then I tried to hook him up with Merrill. But the first place we went to, Taco, Takeria Diana, cheap tacos, incredible, B-Y-O-B. We stopped and got some, like, tall boys at the bodega. Like, awesome date, cheap. I can't stress this enough. Like, I think the best date I ever had with my high school boyfriend was he got, like, Philly cheese sticks and we went and sat in the park.

Like, I love a picnic. Like, it does not. You don't ask someone on a date you can't afford. Yeah, I love, I had a third date with somebody and we just walked his dog in Prospect Park. I liked that. If you just like, if there's any four thought to like pick up sandwiches at a deli and we take a walk, like, I don't care. I'll go on a picnic.

I'll do literally anything. But like this was, if you guys were like old stands of the podcast, you've been around for a long time. I think the fourth episode we ever did, third or fourth, was how to lose a girl in one date. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I got on a date with this guy who was like so rude to me. Yes. It was like unbelievable. You guys can go back and listen.

But I mean, in summary, he had met me at a bar, asked me out on a date so he knew what I looked like, what I acted like. He wasn't like, oh my God, you weren't like your pictures. I'm leaving. I walked in. He had already ordered his drink at the bar. I walked up to get something.

It was all cash. And he was like, are you going to go to an ATM? And I was like, are you fucking serious? And it was pouring down rain. So I was like, oh, you're really going to like tell me to go outside and find an ATM. Like, you're serious. There wasn't any like, let me just get this for you. It was so nuts.

And then like every time we would order, he made me go like round for round with him. And like I would pick it up and then he would pick it up. He was so weird about money. And he just made me feel so uncomfortable. There was no like, let me pick this up for you and you can Venmo me later. He was like, you're going to get cash now. Yeah. And you're going to pay for this.

And I never saw that guy again. That guy was so fucking rude about money and so weird. Yeah. And I just, I never saw him again. Ugh. I mean, I've tried to pick like, I just have so many stories. I try to pick like two of my faves. And I'm just going to try to try.

to keep him short. And then we're going to get into our listener stories. I dated this guy. We dated briefly in Atlanta and then it's not important, but we reconnected years later. He lived somewhere different. And we started reconnecting. We started sexting. He was really good at sexting. And he lived in, I'm just going to really keep this as like non-identifying as I can. So let's say he lived in Boston. So I'm like good planning, making plans to go visit him in Boston from Atlanta. And then it was like, I wasn't going to go and just see him. You know, it was like, felt like a little too much. So I had a girlfriend who also had a friend in Boston did a little girl's trip. I flew there with her. She was going to see her friend.

I was going to see him. Had a backup plan if I didn't stay with him, all the things. I did everything right. We go meet him at this bar. I flew there. Flew there. I mean, on top of the hair, the nails, the outfits. I'm so excited.

Sprite tan. We go to the bar. I'm with him and two girlfriends. And he tells us where to meet him across town from where we were saying, whatever, not a big deal. And, I mean, Raina, he didn't even offer to buy me a drink. He watched me open a tab. you guys, my job was like on the floor. And he had money and I knew he worked for a company that we

promote. I knew we had a brand new job. I knew that he got a raise. He has nice clothes, nice shoes, nice car. Like he has the money. What is the inclination to not offer? Especially if you've taken to the skies, you've gone to a train station, a plane station, also known as an airport, if you have done any of those, if you packed a bag, you deserve free drinks, food, all the things. I flew here. I mean, what most guys I know, and what I would do is like let me get you and your friends around. So I look like a good host, a good person. Like this is insane to me.

And I will say that then I reflected on when we dated when we were younger. And then I was like, oh, now I kind of remember that this was how he was. But I just thought we were young and both broke. Like, you know, you go get the fucking tacos at Tin Lizzie's in Atlanta and like you split it. Like whatever. But it was shocking to me. And then I will say that then I ended up just still getting like drunk and going home with him. And then the next morning, he didn't even.

offer to drive me. Saturday morning, nothing else to do, didn't offer to drive me as a car in the city that he actually lives in a city that you don't really need a car so much. So I like went out and got like a cab. This was like either pre-Uber or Uber's were like not as as accessible and didn't even offer to drive me home. And I remember later in the day I like remembered that he had a car because again city that not everybody has a car. And I was like I literally text him, don't you have a car and like called him out. Like you didn't even offer. Didn't even offer. You would nothing else. to do. You've been like hanging out all day. What was this guy's reasoning for all this? I mean, it's just literally who he is and like just like bad manners. I don't even know because he's like a nice

person. Like you would think it's just it's so bizarre. And he was like, oh, I'm sorry. He actually was like, oh, I totally like wasn't even thinking. And I draw this correlation because we kind of talk about this today with Nicole of like how people are with money is indicative of their personality and how they're going to be in other areas of life. And I feel like sometimes not all the time, but when someone doesn't even want to buy you a drink or a meal or whatever, especially if you've put in so much effort to come meet them, that means they're not going to make you feel taken care of or secure in other ways. Like the ride home.

Like the I'm in a strange city, you have a car, you can't drive me 10 minutes to where I'm staying. You know, like he's that guy. I would never feel secure with him. I wouldn't feel like he's got this. He's going to take care of me. And I felt like that with my ex who didn't have a lot of money and no car. for a minute when we dated.

And I felt so much more taken care of by him than this guy. It is such a good point. And it's just like, it's not about being cheap. It's the way somebody thinks about money and then the way that they think about the world. Because this same ex who asked all my friends, like what kind of stuff he should do for me and for my birthday. And then did none of them and did nothing for me was also the same person who like met my parents and didn't offer to like spring for lunch or get my say like on the way to meet my mom. Like, can we just stop and grab a bottle of wine for her? Yeah.

Or I'd love to like bring her flowers. I was like there was no like let me make a good impression. Yes. And it would have cost $10 to stop for some flowers on the way to meet my mom. And it just, that wasn't a thing for him. His attitudes about money weren't great. And yeah, I never felt like this guy's got it. This guy can take care of it.

And it just was not a match. Yeah. And the other one I just had to tell you this because I just thought you'd appreciate this story. I went out of this guy, again, this is back in Atlanta. Every guy, by the way, that I've like have stories like this about, It was tall, hot, nice, and I always was wondering what's the catch here. And then you find out the catch.

All of them had struggles with dating that I started to figure out. And I was always like, even looking at their exes, I'm like, that's who they date. Like that doesn't look like the type of girl. You really, she's not that, she's not hot. She doesn't seem cool. You know, like you're just like, what's going on? What's going on here? Because you're hot and cool as far as I know now.

And then he slowly starts to figure it out. This guy tall, so tall, hot, jacked. met him walking my dog at night. I was like, my rom-com has started. Like, this is it. This is too good to be true. Lo and behold, it was. Yeah. This guy being cheap was part of his personality and he was proud of it. He wore like a badge of honor. He took me out one night. He made it very clear where we were going because they had dollar tacos. He had beers in the car so we could have a beer before we got there. Yes. All he would talk about was how he was saving money on this, saving money on that. He said to the waitress, we got the one thing that wasn't one dollar on the

menu at this present land. It was the blue cheese chips. We ate them all. I think there were six dollars. And when the waitress came over, he goes, there wasn't really a lot of blue cheese on that. Can we get another freebie refill? Get the fuck out of here. He said it in a joking manner, but then didn't say I'm kidding. And I was like, he's kidding. It was so awkward. So I finally was like, I cannot see this guy anymore. Like, I knew, again, knew he had a job. He owned his home. Like, this was crazy. This is crazy. And then years later, a friend of mine, and you know her two, he asked her out. They met at the gym or something and she was like, I think you used to, did you date him? And I was like, oh, girl, like so many years ago we went on a couple dates, not a big deal. She was like, would you care if I went out with him? I said, no, you go out with him and you report back if he is still the cheap motherfucker that I dated. She texted me after that date, Ashley, what is going all with this guy? This is a crazy story. You have no stories come up that I don't know about from Ashley's life anymore. I feel like day one of the podcast. All he talked about was like, how we were. You know, was saving money. We went to the cheapest place he could find insane. And at this point,

this guy's probably like 38, maybe even, he was a little older than me when we dated. So maybe he's like in his 40s now going out with her, owns his home, like has a job, like whatever. And she was like, it's shocking. And it's so crazy to me because this stuff is such a massive turnoff to me and most women I know. I'm just going to say that. It dries your pussy up like nothing else. I don't know a woman that really wants this, but good for him if this is this personality and he wants to show it off and maybe one day he'll find his coupon clipping queen and they'll ride off into the sunset. Right, like, who wants this? Who wants this though? You can also take me for dollar tacos and never acknowledge it. Just don't bring it up. Like, just I don't need to

know why we're here. That's the thing. You can be like, this is the best tacos in all the land. Sorry, Azul. No, that's the thing. Like, don't bring it up. Just don't tell me why we're here. Like, these are amazing. We got some emails like that, like a guy being like, oh, I just paid my rent so I guess I can afford this. Like, just don't say it. Just don't tell me. You know what else I hate? You know what I hate?

What I hate? What I hate is when they act all cheap and they won't pay for other stuff and then whatever they want they'll get. Stuff that they don't need, they'll get. I took my ex to Newport, Rhode Island, not a cheap place to go. And I thought, I want to take this trip. It's way overpriced. I hassled him into this.

I'll just fucking pay. And that's fine. It doesn't bother me. Like, the money was fine. But like, he didn't really want to pay for anything. And I was like, I paid for the hotel and the car. and the fucking dinners, but like, he bought himself a Gurney's Rhode Island sweatshirt

in Newport, and I was like, you're going to pick up this $75 sweatshirt, but you're not springing for stuff. Are you fucking kidding? Is this a joke? People who can afford $75 sweatshirts can also pick up dinner and pay for this car. Like, that's what makes me feel It's so crazy.

Like, I remember my ex, an ex a long time ago. Like, he owed me a bunch of money, and then he was like smoking weed in our living room. I woke up in the middle of night, and I came out, and I was like, no, they're motherfucking girlfriends. All this money cannot afford to buy weed.

You can't. You owe me a bunch of money. You're not going to, don't take a cab home, take the subway. We're not doing drugs, okay? Until you pay me back. Right. I mean, that's what's so, it's so nuts. That cheap guy, the one that my friend and I both dated,

he had a fucking designer ass dog. He spent all the money on his dog. You're going to be fucking your dog for the rest of your life. I hope you like letting that dog lick your dick. You better put a little peanut butter on it because that's the only blow job you're getting is your fucking designer ass inbred dog. And also don't have to be...

Adopt, don't shop. Wea Curles Gotta Eat Podcasts. Do not endorse blow jobs from dogs. Don't write us an email about it. You can do whatever you about with your own dog.

With their consent. If your dog eats you out with its own consent, that's your business. I've always wondered if people that are dogs look at their dog and think like, maybe. Radha!

Stop. She's crossed the line. So we will get into it with Nicole, but we have some of your funny, cheap date stories. We wanted to get into them. These were all funny. Like every story was so good.

Stories for days. I mean, hundreds of emails came through. Okay, so he came over to my apartment for dinner, brought a bottle of wine. We drank 90% of it. He left. A couple minutes later,

he texted me that he left his bottle of wine. I thought he was joking, but he came back up to the apartment to grab the remaining sip of wine. To come back. How bad did that guy need that? sip. I mean, that's so crazy. All right, this girl said, so this isn't the craziest story, but I had a guy take me to

Applebee's, which is fine. We love Applebyes here. And after we got there, he told me that he would pay for my food, but if I got any alcohol, I had to pay for it myself. This is like an open bar wedding. He's like, I'll pay for your dinner, but you pay for your alcohol. Cash bar wedding. Cash bar. You guys know what I meant. Listen, I read well, which is what's important. It's like an open bar wedding. Okay. Okay, we have one about a broke bitch about a fuck girl. Okay, I just started hanging out with this girl and she asked me to come to her house on a compound. Turns out by compound, she meant she was renting a room from a friend's place in the sketchiest neighborhood in Tampa. Shout to Raina. Security guards would have been welcomed in this scenario. That is so funny. When I got there, she was smoking a fat joint and said she didn't have enough to share. I should have turned around then. At that point, she told me she was going to take me to her favorite restaurant, but she was too high to drive. So I offered to drive this fuck girl to this mysterious place. place. Now I was just hungry and too sober for this date. After following her directions, we arrived to what I thought was a joke, a culvers. Don't get me wrong. I love a good fast food

cheeseburger. We dined in. What is Culvers? Is it like a five guys? See it? You keep reading and I'll talk about Calvers. We dined in and you guessed it. She ordered hers paid and we had the quietest day of my life. She promptly fell asleep in the car after eating cheese curds and a double deluxe. Because she's the other girl still to drive. So, okay, what is there? She's driving this like stoned girl that she's like yeah so she fell asleep and then she says i sent her a buy one get one coupons to culvers for months after that as a hit but it was definitely our last date i know you all are talking about fuck boys but please know that these women around these streets too that is if you had to drive somebody because they were too high and then they fall asleep in the car i mean and they

told me they didn't have drugs for me that is a crazy okay that is the cheapest and craziest part of the story is this girl's like i'm gonna do drugs but you can't have any and you have to drive me to Culver's. I mean, listen, I kind of respected that she was like, I got the munchies and I'm going to get this. That girl, she's like, you're essentially an Uber, just so you know. That is so, can you imagine being like, I have some wine, but not enough for you. So I'm just going to finish this in front of you.

Okay, guy took me on a third date to a baseball game. We didn't eat before, and he didn't offer it to buy me or himself a drink or a snack the entire time. Who does this? I didn't know people actually go to baseball games. and just sat the whole time. Yeah, me either. At the end of the game,

he saw a kid next to eating ice cream and said, that looks good. It's too expensive. We'll get something on the way home. This man pulls into a dare queen drive-thru and then had the audacity to ask me to find exact change in my purse because he didn't want to break his $20 bill.

He did not get to second base that night and things fizzled out shortly after. Exact change. This is so fun. This is like your parents saying we have ice cream at home. Like this is literally, Exactly. Every person I feel like listening to it had a flashback from their parents being like, nope, we got ice cream at home.

We're not going to buy that. It's too expensive. This is so funny. This analogy is so funny. It is true. I literally remember being at baseball games, my dad fucking dragged me to that shit all the time. Me being like, I want ice cream in him. Being like we have ice cream at home.

And just, I mean, but also they just price gouge at like a baseball game. You know, parents are definitely like, yeah, I'm not buying an $8 hot dog, you know. Absolutely not. Well, Wendy's on the way home. You know, I like the ice cream in the little. little in the little helmet head. Oh, yeah. That is cute. That is cute. Okay. This guy invited me to a way of a sushi restaurant.

There was 35 minutes away from where I live. I live in Texas. So this is a lot of driving, especially with these gas prices. He asked me to bring the wine if he got dinner. We get the check and he claims that he forgot his wallet and he would Venmo me for dinner, which I didn't even demand. We were making out later and I felt the wallet in his pocket. Oh my God. I called his ass out for the record. He never Venmoed me. I would be like, bitch, what is in your pocket? What is in your pocket right now?

And he never Venmoed? It's wild. So gross. Speaking of that, we got so many about like Venmo requests for like $2, $8, like, total meal was $20, like pretty insane stuff. I mean, these emails were wild. Tons of stuff saying like women that did not want to go on a second date with a man and them saying, like, I want a refund for this and I want you to Venmo me.

Tons of that. Lots of people are taking people to the dining hall for dates. but I don't know, college, who has money? I think one time this football player that I was like hanging out with was like, you want to eat in the dining hall? And I was like, what a dream. Like I was like, yeah, I'll fucking eat with you in the dining hall. One of the Clemson football players, you all be there.

That's where I actually want to be. I want to flex on everybody. Yeah. I loved the dining hall at Indiana University. It was so fucking good. But if somebody says the word date, I assume we're not going to a dining hall. And at least, I mean, we all know my drunkest date story when I went to wing nights. But like, I feel like in a lot of.

college towns there are very cheap dates like in in clemson i mean i remember one a date the guy that i did not updating we went to pizza night at this place in clemson it was five dollar pizzas three dollar liquor pitchers no three dollar what kind of liquor was that it just said whatever you know if you wanted like a rum and coke pitcher or like you want a long island iced tea pitcher so literally a pitcher eight dollars total like sick date that's insane but that's what college towns are built for you're so right it's like for cheap dates. It's for people that are 19 that can't afford to do stuff. Yeah. And I still have to pay at the dining. I mean, I guess you've got a meal plan. All right. So we'll wrap it up with this one. She says, okay, met this guy to bar who happens to be roommates with my

best friend's boyfriend. He's cute. I agree to a date. We go to this outdoor concert festival thing that happens once a month in my city and he buys me a little sandwich. He buys me a little sandwich. Like was it like was it actually little? Like was it like a slider? Okay, which I offer to pay for. We're chatting, having some beers and I go to the bathroom. I come come back and find out that while I was gone, he somehow got a weed pen from a stranger and is crossfaded. No shame to anyone who likes to get crossfated, but absolutely not for a state vibes. He tries to DFMO.

And in this doc, Raina compiled these. She writes in all red caps, Ashley, what does this abbreviation mean? And then Bella wrote a note on the, and then on the side of it, we have a note from Isabella swag that says, dance floor makeout, L. well. Bella had to, first of all, Bella saw that you wrote that and she had to jump in and literally, like, I'll leave an official note. She's editing. It's an official doc note. And she was like, no, I actually thought you wanted the answer. And I was like, no, I wanted Ashley to read that to me. We were joking about earlier today. Um, okay. She says, I leave the date, absolutely no longer interested. Two days later, I'm at this rooftop pole bar situation with friends and he happens to be there. He comes over to me and my friends and is chatting with us, whatever. And then he asks me if I need a drink. I'm like, no, I'm good. Thank you. Because obviously I do not need this man. Buy me another. drink when I'm interested. He comes up to me again and is like, hey, do you need a drink from the bar? I said, no. I said, I'm good. He says, well, can I get a drink and put it on your tab? What? No. You haven't read this yet. He was like, well, if you're good, but I'm not, so.

You're good, but I could use a drink. Okay. I honestly just looked at him so confused and I was like, why would you put a drink on my tab when I'm not getting a drink? And he says, well, I bought you dinner the other night, so I think it's fair. I hate this person. He's like tit for tat sees you out He's like can you buy me drinks? You want me a beer? My jaw dropped. I was so done at that point.

I was like, okay, sure, whatever you want. I don't care. Put a drink on my tab. But he still isn't leaving. I look at him and I said, aren't you going to go get a drink? And he says, well, I can't put it on your tab without you because I don't know your name. No.

No. He was there and he's like, I don't know your name. She's jaw drops again. I look at him. Look at my friend. her in front of him. I absolutely cannot with this shit. And now we mutually ignore when we see each other at bars. Tale is old as time. If this girl who wrote this is in any of the cities that work touring in 2020, please message us. Please, we'll give you a ticket to the show. I want

this. She's going to be an icon. I can feel it. She's going to be a girl's got to eat story icon. I love it. I love it. She was like, sure, go put a fucking drink on my time. For your little sandwich, the little sandwich you bought me. Sure. I'll fucking buy you a beer. If you're willing to humiliate yourself and have to ask me for it. Yes. It's like, it's very like, L-O-L, okay. Sure. He's like, I know you're fine, but I'm not. That email was a wild ride.

So funny. Okay. Well, those were incredible. Again, so many that we couldn't even get to. I feel sad. Well, maybe we need a part two on this one. Okay. All right, guys, we are so excited.

We were talking about money today with our guests. She is a financial journalist and television news anchor, known for her work on CNBC, CNN, Bloomberg, MSNBC, and in addition to being the New York Times bestselling author of Rich Bitch, Boss Bitch, Becoming Superwoman and Miss Independent. She is the host of the Daily Podcast, Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin. Please welcome to the show, Nicole Lapin. Hi.

Hi. Hi. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so happy to be here. It's so fun. Yes. We love talking about money. You and me both.

So this is. is so funny. We met like, I don't even remember so many years ago at some like party in Atlanta, literally probably 15 years ago. I don't know. And I just was so impressed by everything that you were doing. And obviously you've done so much more since. But thank you. Yeah, when we were five. Yeah. When I was like in high school, I was there at a high school party. Can't believe you guys met middle school. So crazy. Can we maybe just catch up on you and you are and what you do in addition to this list of accomplishments. Let's talk about what you do. Yeah. I try to make finance less scary and boring. I am the least likely person to do that. I grew up in an immigrant family. So first generation

American only used cash in my family, didn't know about any of this stuff. My boyfriend in high school said he wanted to be a hedge fund manager. I thought he wanted to be in gardening. True story. I probably didn't know what a hedge fund was till last week. A couple years ago. Yeah. He was like a douchebag. in the making for sure. Yeah. And like, who wants to be a hedgeman manager in high school? Dush facts. I didn't know what red flags were.

Just for my former self, we'll forgive her. And, yes, he actually dumped me because I couldn't hang out with his Wall Street friends. Wait, what was that conversation? I know. He was like, you're not smart enough about money. This was, like, kind of a Burnett-Elwood situation. Oh, my God. Okay.

And then, fast forward, I think it was like five or six years later, I was on CNBC and all of his Wall Street friends, like, watched. They're all excited about the CNBC ladies. So they definitely wanted to hang out. And I laughed less. And I feel good about that. I feel like I didn't do it for a guy, but it was an added benefit. Okay.

I was just going to ask if that kind of just like lit the fire under you. A little bit. I'm not going to lie, because sometimes it is about a guy that motivates us to do these types of things. But I needed a job when I was 18. And I wanted a job in TV news. and I stocked some station chief in Chicago. So, like, I grew up in a broken home, no trust fund, like, no money, all of that. That's a whole other podcast.

But I stocked the station chief for a job in Milwaukee and begged to get an interview. And he said, no, you can't go from Chicago to Milwaukee every day. You don't understand geography, which I did it. But do you know anything about business news? And I lied. And I said absolutely, I love business news all day, every day, twice on Sunday. And I faked it till I made it. And I started on the floor of the Chicago Merck, which I thought was a mall at the time.

In Chicago, it's not. Spoiler alert, it's the stock exchange there. I've been there. My brother works there. Oh, I'm missing. Yes. It was like Wolf of Wall Street style back then when I was 12. Yeah. And so I realize that money is a language like anything else. We just, you know, don't learn this language in school.

We don't have a reset of stone for it growing up. We often don't learn it in our families like I didn't. So I learned it. I spoke it to the world. And then fast forward, I wanted to teach my former self, that girl who was so scared and so intimidated by this language. Because I felt like there was a void in people talking to her. 100%. As much as we, obviously, this is a podcast about dating and sex and relationships.

But whenever we can cover it, we want to do that. because unfortunately it is something that women tend to lack a little bit more, even in families where maybe the parents talk to their males in the family more than the women. Like I feel like even my brother kind of came out with more knowledge than I did when it comes to money. And I think this is definitely, it can be a little bit of a disparity. So we love to talk to everybody, but like especially women about how to speak this language. It's true.

I mean, in my last book, Miss Independent, I talk about this idea that young boys are asked about money and they use all these abundance terms and little girls are asked about money and they use all these scarcity terms. So it starts really early with that. And guys don't know more about money. They just talk about it more and they talk about it more confidently. Uh-huh. I think that a lot of women say, like, is it unattractive if I talk about my success and my money? And we're told to like not do that. Men are told the opposite, right? Yeah. Let everybody know how successful you are. Yeah. I mean, we just see that even with comments here and there about people treat women differently. And this isn't everybody.

Like I love the people that are like, gas yourself off, hype yourself up, talk about the success that you've made for yourself. But it just ran and I noticed that time to time where like this woman, even if it's us, is being critiqued for something that they would never say to a man. They would be like, he's a boss, you know, he's this, he's that. It's just, it's unfair. So we just don't have that same mentality when it comes to money. And, you know, I think that's what holds us back.

And a lot of women, unfortunately, stay in relationships because of money. And unfortunately, abusive relationships because they're scared that they won't have their own money or they can't make their own money. So it really is power. Yeah. Knowledge isn't power. It's action. That's power. I'll hear you say it's money.

It's also money. So obviously you have all of these resources where people can find everything relating to money. But today we were going to focus a little bit more on the relationship side of things. And you have these amazing articles, these grabbing headlines of dating and money. money, so we want to talk about some of those things today. Yeah, and maybe because women aren't taught about these conversations early on, we're also not taught how to deal with them and navigate them in relationships. And for me, money has been a huge issue in really important relationships in my life.

And it's made me, I mean, if I was to boil it down to the root of it, yes, somebody being not motivated, but money has been a huge issue in a couple of my serious relationships, me feeling like I was really taking advantage of and things like that. We've talked about this on the show quite a bit. So I guess maybe to start, you can sort of tell us how you feel about just in general, what is the current landscape of like dating and finances and how it's affecting the dating world and what you hear from people that come on your show and women in general. It's such an uncomfortable conversation, of course.

And it's the cause of a lot of fights and a lot of breakups because, you know, we will talk about everything before we talk about money, especially with girlfriends. Like we will talk about all the things at dinner or drinks with our girlfriends before we talk about money. We'll talk about sexy time. We'll talk about bikini waxes. We'll talk about all of it. And then I say, well, what are you making now?

Or, you know, what are you, what's in your savings account? And I'm here to help, obviously. And it's crickets. And I'm like, girl, you just told me about your landing strip. And now this is crickets. Like, this is crickets. And so I think we need to go first when it comes to hard money conversations. Any hard talk, somebody has to go for us.

It kind of gives other people license to do the same. So if you want to talk about it, I always say you have to start. Like, I'll show you mine if you show me yours. type thing. Okay. Okay. There's probably a world in which is just, you know, there's a big disparity there. So you don't want to make people feel whatever, on whatever side it is. But I mean, especially someone like you with your friends, you're like, I'm here to help you. I have information. Totally. So one of the first things we have sort of on the list is what somebody's dating style says about their money. So maybe we start there and just, you know, we say so much about like on the show in

the past evaluating how somebody speaks about money, how they spend their money, what that's going to say about them as a partner. So maybe just from the beginning, what are your thoughts about that? Yeah. I mean, there are a lot of red flags. There are a lot of green flags, too. I think it's just important to be really mindful of what you see in that person's house. Like, are bills piling up? I care less about, you know, is laundry piling up, although that's not adorable. But, you know, are like tax bills and other things piling up. That should just give you a clue that that person might not be super responsible when it comes to money. You know, big flexes, I think in the beginning can be red flags.

I once went on a date with a guy. I was just talking to my best friend about it because we went to like some fancy tasting thing for her birthday. And he took me to like a fancy tasting thing for the first date. And that was a huge, ridiculous flex. First of all, if you go to any of those long dates, like even if it's your best friend, you're like at the end, after three hours, you're like, we got to go. And then we, I said, well, let's, let's.

let's leave and let's go to like the Lower East Side. Like let's have some real like normal fun. And so we ended up going to some bar and we took a taxi. I'm like, let's just get a normal taxi. And as we were leaving the taxi, I'll never forget that when it came time to put the tip in, you know, I just thought that there were those three options like 15%, 20%, 30%. And, you know, I'm a big tipper. I think that money has energy. It has like, you put you. put more out there, you get more back. Not all woo-woo. I really think money has energy. So when he put the tip in, he added like 50 cents or something.

I know. After the tasting. I know. Yeah. I was like, okay, this is when this date was over. And so, you know, just pay attention to little things like that. That's huge. Rain, it looked at me because this guy took me on a first date at Tasting menu. So I wanted to address the elephant in the room. In his defense, he was in town.

It was something he wanted to do. And sometimes people want to do special things with you. But if somebody follows that by leaving a 50-cent. He's a winemaker. It was casual vibes. It wasn't like, let's, it wasn't, it didn't feel like a flex. It was just like, let's do this thing. But yeah, sometimes it's the coupling with the cheap thing.

It's like the reddest flag. Totally. That's an insane thing to flex on one thing and then just not tip or, you know. Uh-huh. It also concerns me for the future because I'm like, how are we making these decisions to splurge and how are you making decisions to save and which concessions are you making? Like it would just give me pause, you know, like how do you spend money and what does this look like long term for our relationship?

That's right. And I think the way that anybody approaches different parts of their relationship will tell you how they approach money. If they're avoidant about other things in the relationship, they're probably going to be avoided about money too. I mean, the way you approach one thing is typically the way you approach everything. So what do you feel about couples compatibility with money? Like, do you feel like there should be a similar style or do you feel like different

styles can balance each other out? I don't think it's an opposite attract type of situation. But, I mean, I didn't like dating guys that I felt like were super frugal in terms of really tight, you know, not bad tippers and things like that, but just like very tight, not wanting to spend, just really save everything and really kind of be like, well, this is the 20-year plan. that's just not how I love my life. So it didn't really work for me, but I obviously didn't want somebody that had bills piling up spending outside their means either. So I'm just curious what you,

what you think on compatibility. I think that people can be generous and have a lot of money or not have a lot of money and the opposite. I don't think being generous or, you know, being frugal or being sort of of this scarcity mentality has anything to do with what's in your bank account in a lot of senses. And sometimes it's the opposite. it. So it doesn't have to be same same, but I think it has to be compatible. So when you're looking at your own financial goals, you want to look at all aspects of your life. And I like to break down into the three Fs, because I love F words, family finance and fun. And so when you look at like your one, three, five, seven, 10 year goals, which I like to do, because 10 or 20 seems really

overwhelming, then you just want to make sure that they are compatible. If you want to be a stay at home mom or a teacher and for your finance goals or your work goals, but you also want to fly private, you know, around the world for your fund goals. Like unless you have a trust fund or something else, like those aren't compatible. So I think that when you're looking at the totality, it's not necessarily about how much money you have, but a better way to approach these talks, not like, hey, what's your credit score? Like where were you the night of blah, blah, blah, blah.

No, what are your goals? Goals have price tags. So, hey, baby, you know, whatever. It's not about sitting around the table with a bunch of spreadsheets and highlighters and things like that. And I think that's what turns people off to the idea of talking about money. But it's really not about money. It's about what you want to do with the money. Yeah.

My feeling is that you've got to have these conversations as early as possible. And they are so uncomfortable. But the longer you wait, the weirder it is to sort of bring it up. If somebody wants to go on really expensive dates and then they're just paying for everything, I never know how to, like, address that. because at what point do you say, like, I'm uncomfortable with this. This is too much. I don't know.

Just earlier on to me is the best, but it's really hard with like a new person. For sure. I think that there are different stages when you can have this financial talk. So when you're moving in together, it's a whole different talk than when you're getting married and when you're having kids. So when you're having kids, like that's the advanced talk of wills and advanced directives, which is not super fun and sexy, but like important. When you're moving in together, you want to know who's name the bills are going to be under

because if they're under your name, but they're not being paid, then your credit is getting screwed. If they're under the other person's name, then you're not accumulating credit. So you want to know that type of stuff. I recently had the CEO of FICO on my show, which I get very excited about. And he and I were talking about having your credit score on dating apps, which I am here for, by the way. I don't know how you guys feel about that. But I've seen some people do it, like, jokingly.

Like on, I don't know, like on Raya, I've seen guys be like, this is my credit score. But there, I'm sure it is actually, but I think they're joking, but I'm like here for it. I'm here for it too. And by the way, credit score doesn't have to do with how much money you have. It has to do with how responsible you are. Absolutely. And so there is a correlation between, like, your credit score and what a good driver you are. There hasn't yet been done.

But I would like to commission this study. You heard it here first on like credit score and, uh, infidelity because I think there's a correlation too. In terms of what? I think that if, yeah, if you have a lower credit score, it means you're less responsible and you're less like on top of the stuff. I don't have a really high credit score from some student debt that I accumulated, but I'm really responsible.

I feel like I need high credit score, but you can have a bad driving record. I can't be that hypocritical. But also it's change. You can change it. It's not set in stone. And that's the thing. Like it opens up a conversation to know. even if that other person

knows what a credit score is or if they're aware of like the student loan stuff that you know could be tarnishing it or they know the components of it or like what their plan is to get it together or maybe they have so much cash that they don't care about a credit score like these are conversations that you should

just sort of like peel back the layers of the onion to figure out. Yeah and so much of this has to do with age for me like I don't know that at 23 I even knew what a credit score was or what things were doing to it at my mid to late 30s I expect you to have financial plans. I expect you to have goals.

I expect you to know where your money is being invested and be pretty comfortable discussing it. I think when you're younger and you don't really know what your future looks like or how much other people are making, there's many people that are like, I'm 25 and I feel like everyone else has made it. And it's like, I don't know, what does that mean to you?

But as you get older, I do expect older men to be able to have these conversations and be really confident in talking about them. And I would never ask somebody how much they're making unless I was really moving in with them. That's the only time I've ever really discussed with a man how much they were making and when I was in a relationship with them. But other than that, yeah, I want some inkling that you have like some investments in a

plan at my age. Well, there are some women that get married and don't know either. Like, I want to do a show that I just stop weddings. It's so romantic. And I'm like, have you all talked about this? Yeah. We hear this all the time. We talk with experts about how important it is to discuss these things before you sign up

for the rest of eternity with somebody. Granted, you know, plenty of people get divorced. But we've heard people say that they just never. have these conversations for various reasons, A, that it could be just so uncomfortable. They don't have the language. They don't know how to approach it. Or B, they don't want to know. They just want to get to the altar. Having that conversation, you know, is a hard thing to do, but not as hard as the things that will snowball from it. Yeah, I knew, I heard of this couple, like a friend of a friend that one person in the relationships, parents were paying for their rent, their half of the rent,

and the partner didn't know. And the parents had said, we're doing this until you get married. And the partner hadn't disclosed the other partner that that was the deal. So it was, and the person that didn't know, didn't have a bunch of money to cover the rent,

didn't know that they were all of a sudden going to be with somebody that couldn't pay the rent. It was just like an insane thing to me of like, when did you, and they were younger, but like, when did you plan on telling the person, then they broke up.

Like it was a catalyst for a relationship that probably should have ended anyway, but it was this like, secret they were keeping that was going to affect the other person once they got married. For sure. Yeah, because once you get married, you're not only taking on assets, we were taking on liabilities too. Debt, yeah. So you want to, I mean, I read a story of a woman who, uh, broke up with this guy because of financial infidelity, which is a thing. Didn't disclose a whole bunch of debt that he had. And she was like, yo, I figured out my financial life. I got it together.

for me either. But like, I don't want to take on this debt, period, the end. And you know what? I'm not upset about it. Do you have conversation that you think are good at like mining this kind of information from somebody? I think it really comes, well, it comes down to tone and turf too. You don't want to like come across as, you know, CSI vibes, right? And you want to talk about goals. Like, hey, like, what are your goals for travel? What are your goals for like, how do you see, you know, us going on vacations and things like that. Those types of things will tell you a lot because all of those things have price tags and then, you know, get into sort of like other plans. I think the way to frame it is through plans, not money. It's the plans that have the price tax. Yeah. And also

this is like to me, I mean, everybody can live their truth, but I don't, I'm not asking someone, I don't really, about their money situation on a first, second, third date. I'm also, but I'm picking up on any sort of cues or red flags or the way that they're speaking about it. You can't not. You're listening, you're hearing it, and you're thinking about what type of person this person could be on every level. But tone is so important, like you said, and the way you discuss it, because you also don't want to come across, it depends on what your goals are. I mean, everybody has different goals, so you don't want to come across in the wrong way either. Or have someone think that you're like money hungry when honestly you're just trying to figure out if they

have their shit together, you know? Totally. And look, I mean, having these conversations are uncomfortable, but I think, you know, early on, I was very clear when I was dating to that I was not about to pay for a first date. I just wasn't. And it wasn't because I couldn't pay for a first date. Like, I could pay for the first date, but I didn't want to. And that's the difference. It's like need and want. So being very clear, like, I stand in my power and my truth and like I, this is how I want show up in a relationship. I'm a boss, but I'm very much in my feminine in a romantic relationship. And that's what I want. It's not what I need, but it's what I want. And that's really empowering. So it's not telling other women what to do. Like I think being the ultimate feminist is not

telling other women what to do. You want to split on a first date. You want to pay for the first date. You do you, girl. Like it's just saying you decide for yourself and, you know, be clear on that, whatever that is. So not paying on a first date. I'm with you. We're aligned. Do you have, Do you do the fake reach? I'm not anymore. I used to more and now I don't do it anymore. Interesting. I just...

I like when somebody beats me to it. And I had that the other night. Like I didn't even have to fake reach. They brought the check. He put his credit card down. And I like, that was... It just felt really like, I got this. He just, he put the car down and shoved the check away.

And I said, thank you. And that's enough. I also did not... I picked the place for the date. I also didn't pick a place that was prohibitively expecting. Yeah. And we've talked about this before. I've insisted on splitting if I had such a terrible time. I never want the person to contact me again. That's kind of a thing that I like to do and feel comfortable doing. And I've also said before that if I run around with somebody like a bunch of places

in a night, I'll grab a round of drinks here and there. I'm happy that we kind of can come out equal at the end. But the first place, first date that you probably asked me on, I would like you to pay. And again, it's not going to be some extravagant thing except for that taste too many. But that was like a different situation. But I'm curious what your reasons are or is it just like, I don't want to? Like, do you break it down in certain ways you feel about this? Because we love this conversation and I've heard so many different takes on it. You know, for me, it really stems in financial trauma that I've had in my life. And I think we all have financial trauma. And the only financial problems you can't fix are the ones you don't admit you have or the traumas that you

don't address. So I grew up, you know, like very housing compromise. times when I didn't have any food growing up, like serious shit. And so I, you know, come to it from this place that, you know, it makes me feel safe if you pick up the bill. And it's not because I need you to do it. It's because this is what I want in a partner. And I have lived a very full life and like I don't need somebody else, but having somebody else to be additive is like a true place that took me a long time to get to. And so those are my reasonings. And your recent, can be like whatever, whatever, like, leads you to your conclusion. But I think, you know, being comfortable in your own skin is a journey for all of us. And confronting these financial

traumas are hard and like really investigating where the steps comes from and being curious. Like, if something does feel weird to you, like get curious about that. Like, why does it feel weird? Why is this uncomfortable? Like, where does that come from? I love that. And I've heard different reasons and there's a reason of just simply like it cost me so much more to get ready. It caused me more to get ready in time and makeup and hair and picking this outfit out and whatever than these drinks or this meal. But then I saw this thing recently also on this man on the street on TikTok was probably was saying that it's a lot for a woman to come meet.

If we're talking about women and men, it's a lot for women to just come meet you. Like even safety reasons. Like it's a lot for a woman to trust you to come out. to meet you in the first place, it's the least you can do to pick up this tab. And I loved hearing that from a man. People sent it to me. And I was like, I like this take two. I've seen so many different things. And it can also boil down to, I love what you said. And thank you for sharing, like, where the trauma comes from. But just it makes me feel safe and secure. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting that you use money as like sort of a signal that you're in the friend zone. I think that's

very true too. You can sort of use it as a... Interesting. As a tool. Like when I would go, you know, when I would cover Wall Street, I would go out to dinners and with mostly men. That's just, that's how it is. Mostly men are CEOs and I would need to book them on my show and, you know, source and whatever. And so I would always pick up the check there, like super early or like make sure that it was handled or taken care of just to be very clear that this is not a date. There is not a date. no funny business happening here. Like, this is strictly business.

So it can be used in that sense, too. Friend zone. That's very funny. I know. When you split the bill, you know, you're in the... When she insists on splitting the bill, you know you're in the... I'm curious.

So I'm assuming you get a lot of emails from listeners, male and female. What is the male perspective on a first date? Do you get people saying, or the first, like, let's say three to five dates? Do men say to you, I resent that I have to do this? Or are they... Like, what's the feedback from the opposite sex?

It totally depends. So I had a show called Hush Money with the editor-in-chief of Entrepreneur Magazine, and we would debate these money topics. And one of our first shows was who pays on a first date. And our producer was like, okay, of course Nicole's going to say split. And Jason, he's married and lives in Brooklyn and has kids and whatever. Like, is of course going to take care of it. And that's how this debate is going to go.

Because naturally we would disagree anyway. And that was not how the debate went. And I was like, no, I don't want to touch that break in check. And he was like, neither do I. It just sits there. You're in a standoff. Can you imagine? I can't imagine.

I'm actually like getting hot thinking about it. Because I'm not doing the reach anymore and it just sits there. I know. It's like this awkward thing between the two of you. But he was just like, I don't love this idea and this like archetype that a dude takes care of it. Like I work hard, you work hard. He was all about splitting.

And that's just where he came from. So I think it totally depends on where you come from, you know, where you are in your life and sort of the dynamics around the relationship, how you met, who chose the place, like your age and sort of all of that. And it can be different. Like, you know, there are men that want to be taken care of or, you know, in heterosexual relationships. Yeah.

I mean, I very much envision a relationship that I would be in to really be pretty equal. So it's less about the money needing to be paid for. Like you said, I can afford it. It's just that it's the gesture. It's the, again, all the things that get wrapped up and a woman going to meet a man out at night, you know, at the end of this relationship, whether it's eternity or a year or whatever, it probably just is going to be about equal. But that first date is, it is important to me.

And I think a lot of people. I've had women break up with guys who have like sent them spreadsheets and bills and stuff like that. Like, you know, but that is that person's cuckoo bananas for other reasons. And that just manifests in money. It's not just that they're cuckoo bananas with money alone. You know, the way they are with other actions is the way they're going to be with money. So it spreads you just a little crazy.

But I don't think that anybody in a relationship, male or female, deserves to be on the hook for everything, you know, for bills, for date night, for everything. And Ashley, there's a million layers to this, of course. and what kind of job you've chosen. And if there's such a huge disparity, that's different. But hopefully there is a lot of discussions leading up to that. And if you get to that, like, I have been at that point where I probably would have had to do that with somebody and been like, this on paper is what's going on.

But we were living together. You know, like, you really have to let it get really far before that happens. I wouldn't want somebody doing that to me in like the beginning of a relationship holding up a physical thing saying like this is what I paid for. That is so crazy to me. But I guess some people do get to that. They're crazy. There are some people that are crazy.

But then they're controlling in other ways. So I would say just think of money as like one spoke in the hub of like that person. And so if they're controlling in like, where are you type thing, you know, not believing where you are, that type of stuff, then that's probably going to translate into their money behavior. Okay. And I mean, we are talking about heterosexual man versus women relationships. Do you see it any get any? get any feedback on same-sex relationships? No, it's the same thing.

I mean, you know, there will be conflict in all varieties of relationships with these very same things. And so depending on the gender or, you know, where somebody is in their life, you know, somebody might want to be equal and another person might want to be taken care of or do the taking care of. So I think it's about being compatible with whatever you decide you want to do and just have, you know, that other person be cool with that. I feel like with women out-earning men or out-earning their male partner, it just can get a little dicey, partially because the man doesn't like it.

Was I telling you, I think I told Rain about this couple that I know where she makes so much more than him. He does well. She just does really, really well. And she wants to live a certain type of life. And she wants him to be able to come on the trips and do the things and fly first class, whatever it is, stay in nice places. travel the world and they've just figured it out that he contributes what he can. I mean, I think it's sometimes like you talk about the rent conversation. Like I make this percentage more than you. So I pay this percentage more than you in the rent. So I guess you could take a

vacation, zoom out and do that as well. But they are just both okay with it. And I've seen, I've seen couples break up over this because both of them didn't like it. You know, she made so much more than him. He didn't want her paying for stuff. So here she is like, we can't go to these restaurants because he can't afford it and he doesn't want me paying and I don't really want to pay either. And ultimately, the relationship ended. So I've seen, I've seen both. Again, it works out perfectly. Nobody feels bad. They get to do all the things and also a breakup. Yeah. It's one of the two. Yeah. It's really going to be like one or the two. I just, I think those conversations are really tough. there's always going to be a disparity. It's very rare if it happens at all that somebody's going to make the exact same amount of money. Right? So there's going to be some sort of discrepancy. And, you know, I would say if you are living together, then have your yours, mine and hours accounts and the hours where you're, you know, if this works for you, spending money on your rent and your communal expenses, be weighted. So if somebody makes $100,000 a year and somebody makes $100,000 a year and somebody

makes a million dollars a year. That's for easy math. If you're putting 10% in your hours account, then 10% is going to feel the same for both of you, but it's going to be much different amounts of many. Yes. I love the percentage advice. And yeah, if you feel like 100,000 versus 70,000, it's too much of a disparity, totally fine. But I love the percentage to be able to say, like, I'm willing to give X amount of my salary if you are too and let's just do it by percentage. And that feels really fair to me. And yes, and it feels the exact same. Like, the, person that makes a million is obviously paying nine, ten times more, but it's the same way it feels as the person that they're actually giving up that much, that percentage of their 100K.

Yeah. Are you seeing trends in terms of like what's more normal today? Yeah, I would say that a lot of times women have secret accounts and secret accounts. Okay. So the mine like, sugar daddy is paying for it. I'm kidding. You know, I think that having your own account is really important. to always have your own back.

Like I truly have just seen the craziest horror stories. And, you know, women often left in divorces with $10 in their bank account and not thinking to have their own account. And I'm not saying secret, like, don't tell somebody, you know, have cash stuffed under the mattress or whatever. But you don't need to fully disclose. Like, I have my own account in my relationship. And my partner is not, you know, he doesn't have a login.

He doesn't know what's in there. He doesn't like know the investments that I'm putting in. And that's kind of his business. I think it's a red flag if they don't want you to have your own account. I mean, I stand by that wholeheartedly. If someone, if you feel like someone is discouraging you from having your own money,

that feels very controlling and like a massive red flag. What would even be the reason for someone not wanting that? It's kind of crazy to me. Well, I did a whole episode on financial abuse and 99% of domestic abuse. it has a financial abuse component. That would be the reason that someone, you know, has those types of motives. For sure. And it could start early, you know, like I'd spoken to a woman who early on a guy said,

well, I'll take care of you, quit your job. Like, I make enough money. Quit your job, yes. But I think that that could be a red flag of, you know, what could amount to financial abuse later on. It might not. It might just be incompatibility. Yes.

Like, this is how my dad did it. This is how we roll in this family or whatever. Yeah, of course. Or it could be cutting out your earning potential and your earning power and, you know, getting to a place where it's harder and harder for you to leave. Yeah. I can see this turning really quickly where somebody's like, what's the big deal? I make so much more money than you.

What's the, you have access to all this money. And it's a huge red flag and like a big mistake to me. I mean, listen, take somebody's money. That sounds great. But have your own as well. I also have seen couples, if it feels like a lot to open an account together. I've seen a lot of couples just do the credit card that they have together. and even like start that way. I think of a married couple I know like me and you. Yeah. We have all

the bank accounts together too but um not all we have our own separate we don't have our separate accounts. Yeah. But I've just seen that where that's like the starter starter pack of the joint finances that you get the NAMX together and that's the one that's like the dinners that you do together and the vacations and it works really well that Ryan and I share credit card. No I did it with my first my ex-fiance I did. We had one bank we had one Amex that we shared it said how much I spent on it and how much he did. We both paid off our separate things every month, but it was like very equal. Yeah. We just split it at the end of the month. And it said like exactly how much money won my card and then his, but like we both had access to it. So I could see if you're trying to do anything shady. But I loved it. And I think

that's a great tip to be like me and Ashley. Yeah. I mean, it's just nice. When you're together, you just put it on the joint card. Yeah. But since we're now we're into friends, we did want to talk about friends. We wanted to wrap it up a little bit with friend situations, which can be just as tricky and awkward. Everybody has had situations with that friend that's like doesn't pay you back. So I would suggest, uh, you know, having a chat like reminding them, uh, but not in a way that you are the bank, right? Because it's still your friends. So it's just like, hey, also I want to do something, uh, you know, I've been planning on going on this vacation and I really love, you know, to have all the spending money I could get. So, you know, the 50 bucks from dinner would be awesome to

get back. Oh, I like that. Just kind of awkwardly blaming it on something else in the beginning. I think it's fine if you don't want to be like the bank. But you're always going to have something that you want to work towards. So you can, you know, say that it's for expanding your business or whatever. You need your money for your thing. Or I shouldn't be on the hook for your dinner. I don't owe you any money. And there's bigger, obviously, there's dinners and then there's bigger things too. You're like, I paid for the vacation house. Like, where's the 500 bucks you were supposed to send. So we were saying also like that's kind of the beauty of the Venmo request. You send their requests. I miss them sometimes. We've all missed them. Like I don't have, I don't, my Venmo

notifications don't pop up. And then you have the reminder like it's, hey, did you get that Venmo request? Like it's just, it's super easy to tap somebody. I know this is so hard for somebody. We were, I was all my college friends this weekend. And we were joking on our one friend who was always, who paid all our bills. She was just the most responsible. They were all in her name. And she was so scared to ask us every month for the money. We're like, we owe you the money. Like some people She's just, would be like, hey, y'all, could you pay me for the electric? We're always like, yeah, we'll pay you for the electric. No one's trying to scam you.

But it just reminded me of how these conversations can be for some people. So I just want to validate that it's not easy for someone to shoot that text. Hey, did you get my Venmo request? Yeah. And it's so funny because it's like often more embarrassing for the person asking. Like when somebody asks me, like, hey, did you get my Vendma request? I'm so embarrassed. I'm like, oh, my God, I forgot to pay you.

I don't think most people are trying to like take you for a ride. For sure. They're going to be embarrassed too. I mean, we've just all had these conversations. There's no big deal to me, you know? But I'm always like, oh my God, I forgot to pay you back. I think the thing that's like so frustrating is when someone owes you money and you see them out shopping, traveling.

That's what I was going to say. So I did an episode to where I had my best friend on the phone and I recorded us having this conversation because I think it's some, we know that we should ask for more. We know that we should have these conversations. But how they go down is something. else, right? So I brought it up. She also, I had seen on Instagram, like, been going out. So I was like, oh, looks like you're, you know, you're, you just comment. You're like, hey, girl, where's that money? Must be nice, which I can afford that. You just troll your friends till they pay

you back. That is so funny. They block you. They block you in bed. You're like, hey, girl, I want to go out to dinner tonight, but I paid for yours last night. So I can't really afford it. All right. Sorry, keep going. I love this. But, you know, if you see something like, oh, I've been, you know, I saw you on that yacht or whatever, you know, looked awesome. Maybe they're like, oh, somebody else paid for it. It doesn't matter. But it does sting. It stings when you know that they owe you money and you see them out doing things that cost money. Yeah. But oftentimes it is an innocent thing where they don't remember. So it's like, oh, hey, you know, I want to do this thing. And like, I don't know if you remember, but that 50 bucks or the 100 bucks. or the whatever, the electric bill, you know, would be awesome to get back. You know, how are things going? Whatever. If they don't have a job, that's a whole other story. Again, you're not a bank charging interest.

So, like, have a casual conversation. All of this is awkward. And that's why we're even doing this. But it happens more often as well with, like, wedding type stuff and bridesmaids, discussions and parties and things like that. I hear it a lot. like how do you not offend your friend but all these things are too expensive and how do you have that conversation in the short answer and the not groundbreaking one is have it because you're

suffering more in imagination I think than reality this is like not to get too philosophical but stoicism idea we do a lot when it comes to money we suffer more in imagination than in reality in our heads it feels worse than it actually is this is what happens when you don't you know open up your credit report because you think it's going to be scary. Like once you do, it's not that scary. Oh my God. I used to just not like when I didn't have money, it would ask on the ATM if I wanted my receipt. I'd be like, no, no, no, no, I don't want to see it. Like I would just like, I would like just like, I would like, the thought of checking my bank account after a weekend was like, pick you out into hives. Yeah, give me a panic attack. Yeah. For sure. I think as much.

Not a good way to be. Yeah. I mean, that's how we all are when we're young. I didn't want to know that stuff either. And I didn't want to have to be the person on the group text. It was like, sorry guys, I can't afford this, but like that was me for a long time. And I think the more that you can get ahead of this on both sides, the better. So I went to a birthday party this weekend, for example, she had a menu sort of pre-selected for everybody because it was 12 people. And she had a price that that menu was going to cost. And she asked everybody to memo her weeks, like a week ahead of time, maybe 10 days. And I loved that because everybody knew exactly what they were getting into. that of course requires a little more planning. But trips also, if you're like, hey, this is

going to cost this. The Airbnb is this. The dinners are probably around here. Like, if you can get ahead of that, then you can sort of get around feeling to take advantage of because at least you've provided the information and people can say yes or no. And then on the other hand, I mean, yes, of course, just as much as you can get ahead of it and say, I can't afford that and not being a situation where people have now paid for you and you're the asshole. I mean, you shouldn't be going in debt because of someone's wedding. It's not fair. And we've said this on so many, so many, so we'll agree. You're like fully straddling me. It's like great advice. I'm so expensive. He's here for this content.

Yeah, never go into debt for that type of stuff. For your own wedding for somebody else's wedding. Right. And if you tell your friend, I can't afford this. I need to pick and choose what I can do in regards to all the events and all the dress and all these things that come along with being in your wedding and they get mad at you or they shame you. That's really not someone you want to be friends with.

And I think it's also okay. I mean, you're talking best friend, sister. Let's remove that. but if you just are asked to be a bridesmaid and you can't afford it, you can say that. And I really think any good friend, rational person understands because it adds up. And I mean, I overdrafted my bank account and put so many things on credit cards for weddings for so many years. And I'm not resentful about it. And I did say no to things.

But we just want to have people feel empowered that they shouldn't have to struggle for money because of other people's events. Totally. And their choices and what they. decided and how they want to celebrate. You can also say you want to celebrate in another way. Hey, I have to sit this one out. Let's hang out some other time. Let's go to the park and have a picnic.

Or you're like, I'll do the bachelor up and not the wedding. They're like, what? I did that before. I'll do the bachelor's up, but I can't send you a stupid wedding gift. Buy your own serving platters. That's tone. I wouldn't use that tone. The memories we have from your bachelor at party are forever and these serving platters

are fucking stupid. Get your own to Target. You just send them one from Target. There's is William Sonoma. You're like, I actually went with Target. I made the decision. I don't respect your choices. Nicole, do you think there's anything that we missed that are, we want to add in?

Or do you feel good? I feel as good as the tool feels right now. What a life he has. Just everything's paid for. Right? My dog, too. Free rent. He came from the streets.

Free treats. He's extra appreciative. He's doing okay. Well, tell people where they can. Find you, your podcast, everything that you do, your Instagram, everything. And we'll send us out on that. You're the best. Yes, wherever podcasts, I'm obsessed with him.

Wherever podcasts are served or downloaded and wherever books are sold. Yeah, I would say if you want to start with one, Rich Rich is a good one to start with. Miss Independence is kind of like Rich Bitch Part 2 on how to grow wealth and how to start investing. Get them both. Got them all. There's four of them. Don't be cheap, guys. I have six stories.

Or if you hate it, like, Venmo me for it and I will pay you back. That's so funny. Venmo requests it, cool. And then just DM or, hey, girl. What is the subject on that memo because I hated your book? That will never happen. No, I'm sure. It's great.

It's never happened yet. But the offer is out there. If anyone really dislikes any of my books, there are four. There are six more coming. I don't know. I haven't birthed human babies. I just keep birthing book babies. And I must take book birth control at some point.

But not today. We love to see it. And then your Instagram is at Nicole Lapin. Nicole Lapin. Okay. I think I said Lapin earlier. It's Lapin like Happen like Happen. You guys.

Do you want to look at my paper? Like lap. Okay. Like Lapp. Like a puzzle sitting on our lap. Okay. And you guys know where to find everything. I'm talking to the camera direct.

They're doing the fourth wall. And you guys know where to find everything that we do. You can get vibes only at vibes only.com. All our products on. you can download the app for iPhone and Android. Vibes only is the handle on Instagram and Twitter and Girls Got Eat Podcast.com for tour tickets and Girls Got Eat Podcasts on Instagram. I am Ash Hess on everything.

Raina is reina. at dot Greenberg, Girls Underscore, Got to Eat on Twitter. And we'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys.