Girls Gotta Eat - When Dudes Get Dumped feat. Comedian Anthony DeVito

Episode Date: May 20, 2019

We've talked plenty about women getting over breakups but what happens when dudes get their hearts broken? We have hilarious comedian Anthony DeVito telling his tragic tale (don't worry, he's fine now) and sharing the ways he coped with losing (who he thought was) the love of his life. We're also talking about finding love at any age (hint: there's hope for your single grandparents), and misreading signs on dates and the embarrassment that goes with it. Also in the episode: Canada tour dates (!!!), recapping Rayna's Cuba trip and previewing Ashley's upcoming travels, and a PSA on women's rights. We hope you enjoy! Follow Anthony on Instagram @Devo4Tivo and get his album Dream Occupation. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast and check our website for tour dates and merch. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Living Proof: Get a free sample of dry shampoo with your purchase at LivingProof.com/gge, promo code GGE. HelloFresh: Get $80 off your first month by going to hellofresh.com/gge80 and use code GGE80. FabFitFun: Get $10 off your first box at FabFitFun.com, promo code GGE. Lola: For 25% off subscriptions, go to mylola.com and enter GGE25. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So I go, she's like, she's all about just writing a dragon book, right? And I'm like, you unlocked the dragon inside of her. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I brought him out of the cage. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat. Welcome back.

We're re-recording this intro. It already sounds better, doesn't it? We did yesterday and it was Ashley goes. We were both in bad moods. It's a funny thing when you actually can't do your job if you're in a funk or annoyed with each other. It's pouring on rain. All right. Anyway, best friends, they fight too. First order of business. Got an awesome guest for you guys today. He is a comedian. He's super funny.

What else can I say about him? His name's Anthony DeVito. We're super excited to have him. And he's got, we're going to talk to him about, you know, heartbreak and rejection. Oh, my favorite stuff. Why we started this podcast? I love him, though. He's so great. He's got Andrew Collin vibes. He does. great voice. Yes. Funny voice. Yeah.

Like not a weird way. He's cute. He's wonderful. So anyway. Saddle up. And then second order of business. Canada. We're finally coming there.

I'm so excited. Well, to the other part, we've been to Vancouver. Oh, yeah. You guys know we've been to Vancouver because all the people from Toronto were like, fuck you. How dare you? Fuck you. Well, Toronto and Montreal, we are coming there.

It's not that we don't want to come there. We're just looking for a theater that was nice and big enough. And so we found that. Yeah, we figured it out, guys. And July in Canada, where else would you ever want to be? It's the only place I want to be with nice people in Canada. So, official on sale schedule for Canada. Today, they are not on sales.

So this is going on sale on Thursday, May 23rd at 10 a.m. Eastern Time is the official pre-sale for Montreal and Toronto. We're going to get you guys a pre-sale code. It'll be on our website and on Instagram. Public on sale will be May 24th at 10 a.m. Eastern Time. So we'll have swipe-ups for you guys ready, website, Instagram story. Yeah. I mean, it depends on when you're listening to this.

But if it's Monday, sorry. Again, we can't control this stuff. So just look at our schedule or look at our website, stupid live shows.com. All the info will be there. But you will be able to get tickets to both the Montreal and Toronto shows this Thursday. Yes. Starting at 10 a.m. Eastern time. Yes.

And then in addition to that, July is a big month. So lots of stuff you guys can get tickets to. Atlantic City is going to be the dopes show. We're going to look so slutting. The kickoff to July, Atlantic City, July 12th. Then straight to Phoenix, July 14th, Denver, July 15th and 16th. The 16th is pretty much sold out. So we added the 15th.

Salt Lake City, the 16th. 18th. 18th. You almost say that. Right. Okay. Whatever. You guys can go to stupid live shows.

com and then Montreal and Toronto. So, man, I'm really excited. I'm just thinking about our whole July. We're just gone from New York. Yeah. Birthday month. We're doing it for me. Doing it big for all these, all you cancer girls.

I'm by. You know, there's some stuff going on in this country, and we have never really wanted to make this show super political. We know that you're here for laughter and relationship advice, but of course, we're a women's focused show. So there is something we want to address and something we feel really passionate about. Okay. Yes. So obviously, we are talking about what's happening in our country right now with abortions and women's right to choose, what to do with their own bodies if when they become pregnant.

and to me this is not or ever has been a political issue. I'm going to feel the way I feel no matter which side is supporting it or against it. If the Republicans were the ones that pro-choice, I would side with them. I hate that abortions become politicized. I hate that it is a partisan issue more than anything and it divides people down the middle and both sides take it and use it to detract away from the other issues that really matter. We should just leave it alone. This is a women's rights issue. It's about women and their health and their bodies and their life choices. And so that's how we're going to tackle it. Okay, so the issue at hand, if you're not familiar, which I'm sure all of you guys are because you're smart and awesome and

well read. But anyway, Alabama has basically banned abortion, no exceptions in the case of rape or incest, which is horrifying and multiple other states of past very restriction of abortion laws as well. Georgia, Ohio, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri is next. So yeah, if it's not in your state, it might be coming for it. They are not in effect. yet. It will take some time and they are going to face some legal challenges with this stuff. So shout out to the ACLU and Planned Parenthood for fighting back against these laws that are totally unconstitutional. We both strongly believe that women should have complete autonomy over their own bodies and be able to decide whether to birth a child or not full stop. If you identify as pro life

and you believe due to religious reasons or your upbringing or whatever that the second a heartbeat is detected, even if the woman doesn't even know she's pregnant, but you believe that the baby is alive and should be given a chance to live and it pains you that women would choose to end the future of something that is literally the size of a grape, that's fine. We can respect a difference in opinion. We're not making fun of people. We're not saying that stupid. You know, we can respect that. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you don't believe an abortion, that's fine. Then you don't get an abortion. But our government should not be making that choice for other women and forcing them to carry children.

They don't want. It's abusive and it doesn't do anything. Women will have abortions regardless. They always have. They will just have them unsafely and women will die. And just so we're clear, the mostly male lawmakers who are behind this don't give a shit about those fetuses. They would let their mistresses and daughters get an abortion in a second.

Some of them already have been busted for this. It's never been about this. It's always been about controlling women in their bodies, taking away their rights and furthering the cycle of poverty. And I just hope everybody realizes that the mostly men that make these laws, have done nothing to stop kids from getting murdered at school. These are the same people that supported kids being ripped away from their mothers at the border. Some of these kids have died in custody and the rest will be damaged for the rest of their life. They don't care when an unarmed black teenager

gets killed by a cop. I could go on and on and on. They don't care. Look at these states that are doing this. Look at their child poverty rate, child hunger, foster care systems, education. They don't care. All they claim to care about are fetuses. And lastly, all the things that actually decrease the abortion rate, like sex education and accessible birth control and all these things, they don't support any of that either. Like, they really don't. It's so hypocritical. And on that note, if you are anti-abortion and you identify as pro-life, then you probably know that abortion isn't an all-time low. I hope that you would know that, which is great news. And if this is the platform that you stand for, crusading for the unborn, then you should be supporting sex education, accessible birth control, and all the things that do

lower the abortion rate because it is lower than ever. And I just hope that you guys remember, remember, nothing has ever been done to control the man's body. Nothing. If men could have procedures to abort babies, there'd be a clinic on every corner. There'd be a clinic like every fucking gas station. Like, you could get them at the 7-Eleven. You could fucking postmate an abortion if it was for a guy. Like, it's an attack on women, plain and simple, which I just think, or I hope, should enrage all of you. And to everybody who reached out to us, shared your abortion stories with us, shared your stories about what you've been through and why you did things like that. Thank you so much. I feel like really choked up talking about it. All the people that

sent his emails, I feel so touched and moved by it. And just like Ashley said, you know, if you're pro-life, that's a beautiful thing. And we're happy that you have your beliefs. That doesn't mean that you or anybody else should be able to decide what another person should do with their body. Exactly. And I mean, it's also just like, there's pro-life, there's pro-choice. Like, yeah, we're all pro-life. Like abort, we don't, in a perfect world, they would be no abortion. You know, like, we're not, like, yes, abortions are awesome. Like, it's an incredibly painful thing for any woman who has experienced it. Like, it's not something that anyone ever wants to do.

And most women are responsible about it. Like, I cannot stand this argument of people being like, babies are being ripped out of the womb. I'm like, no, like, 1% of abortions happen late term and they were almost always late term, quote unquote, because that can mean a bunch of different things. But 1% of abortions happen at a later time in the pregnancy and they're almost always, do to health reasons. Like women just aren't out here. Like, yeah, you know, this baby is like fully formed and could live on its own. But can you like kill it for me? That's not what's happening at all. And it's absolutely disgusting that our president and some other news organizations spread that type

of information because it is absolutely not factual at all. I mean, I could obviously go on forever. I think we are going to do an episode on this eventually. And I just have to say that the, uh, women that commented on our Instagram, like, I was just crying like all night long. You guys are so smart and thoughtful and just well-spoken and articulate and intelligent and progressive. And I was just shook by it. It's times like this and during voting times that we like, we are so overwhelmed by this audience. Yeah. We are, I just was like, there's not another audience like this.

There's not. I've never seen it. Like you guys are brilliant and amazing, just bad asses. And we, I was just floored with it. It was like the most beautiful thing. I couldn't stop reading. People were commenting on my purpose. personal Instagram post and I was just like, God, you guys are fucking awesome and smart. And if you're

younger, like, you are the future. Yeah. And that's something to look forward to. So thank you for being a part of this community. We're not going to not address things that are happening to women and women's rights in this country. So thank you for allowing us to do so. And we have plans to do more charitable type things on our own that we would control and run. But in the meantime, I know people are always looking for resources and where to donate and things like that. I mean, above all, just like stay woke, vote, research the candidates, figure out how you really feel about these issues and elect people into office that are going to stand up for what you believe in. Organization-wise, I mean, right now, just really keep tabs on the ACLU and Planned

Parenthood and what they're doing to combat these laws and make sure they don't go into effect. Yellow Fund, everybody's posting about them. They are the boots on the ground in Alabama that are helping women get access to safe abortions because you can only get abortions in like three places in the whole state of Alabama right now. Just keep tabs on them, donate to them yellow. I think it's Yellow Hammer Fund, but Yellow, fund is their Instagram handle and you just Google them, look them up. We posted it on our Instagram stories well. They're a good one. I mean, just look up these organizations, do a little bit of research

and donate where you really want your, where you want your dollars to go. And if you really feel strongly about lowering the abortion rate and you hate abortion, donate your time and effort into sex education and making birth control more accessible and all these things that actually lower the abortion rate because making these laws are not the answer. Okay, I'm going to get off my soapbox. But yeah, I mean, we want to give you guys some actionable things. Stay tuned on our Instagram story. My personal Instagram. I'm big on this stuff, Ash Hess, we will be posting more. Girls got to resist and stand up for what we believe in. So I think you guys just, as always, for being so amazing and fighting the good fight.

So, yeah. All right. We got some interesting, you, I was in Cuba last week, but you fielded some interesting emails about the Girl Code episode. The Girl Code episode, man. You guys got some shitty friends. No, I, here's what I think. We got it. overwhelming amount of people sharing their stories. I think they were just like triggered by the episode and they had a short, a story to share. I don't think there's all these, so many shitty girlfriends out there. I think people were sharing their story about their like one experience they've had in their life, hopefully, just one. They were crazy. Some real snake in the grass stories. Real snakes. This one stuck. A lot of them were just really bad, terrible. Like my friend was sleeping with my

boyfriend, you know, really crazy stuff. Marriage is being broken up. By friends. It was just, it was pretty shocking, but the one I just couldn't like believe was this girl said her roommate and best friend, quote unquote, best friend, would walk around in her thong when the girl's boyfriend was over. That is so bold. Like how much attention do you need? Thong. Ass out. That is so crazy. How much attention do you need in your life? Can you imagine? Like if I was had a roommate, I mean, whatever, you're like shuffling from the bathroom to the bedroom and your towel, fine. But if you're like flaughting around, your ass is out, what are you doing? I don't know. I just said, so like that comes being bred from like some deep insecurity inside.

Yeah. Like, what does that conversation sound like, hey, can you cover your ass when my boyfriend's over? Right. Do you mind? Just putting on some shorts or a little dry, anything. Even a bathing suit would be better. A full coverage bathing suit would be better than that. Like, that's not your best bro. I just think about like if I ever had like a snake period in my life. And like, I listened to the episode again and I thought like, is anybody going to listen to this and be like, she's a fucking hypocrite? I know what she did.

I couldn't think of it. I mean, I guess I did things that like weren't nice. Like we all do things that aren't nice when we're growing up and then grow out of it. I think if I ever did any like snake stuff, it was probably bred out of like some own shitty insecurity in my own life. And that's why I did something crappy. Yeah.

And I think you outgrow a lot of that behavior. Like I just was just a selfish brat. When you're younger, you like just don't. I feel like you have way less. of a conscience and you just only care about yourself. And yeah, some of the stuff I did in high school, I'm not proud of. Yeah, certainly not proud of.

Also, I just think this stuff you do when you're younger was less of a consequence. Like, maybe I was 19. I'd walk around in front of my roommate's boyfriend like that. But like, certainly not somebody like my friend's going to marry and shit like that. I know. It's just like frack eye Dan. Like maybe I'm walking around and a thong in front of you.

I know. I'm also just like, man, that girl must have a nice ass. Yeah. You don't want to see my bare ass. No. My ass looks great and close. walking around in a thong.

Close. When I was 19, I was naked all day. Okay, but speaking of a friend, they just took a trip without you with another friend. It's fine. It's fine. I'm fine. I think it's funny when we take trips without each other, our business manager there that I was like, do you guys like each other? Are you like upset? She's taking a trip without you? I was like, yes. The friendship's over. It's like, why are you trying to create drama? Okay, so I thought of this because when you were on your trip, I, like, brought another girlfriend to Ozatar. And I feel like people were probably like, what is going on here? I felt like what you didn't tell me.

hit it from me. Listen, what happened was I had to take my friend off for a birthday. I dropped the ball and making a reservation. That was my last option on a weekend night. That's clear. That's just what happened. Alexis, if you're listening, I'm sorry. The truth comes out. I knew they would treat us right. You knew they'd hide it from me that you brought a side piece. But yeah, Cuba was great. I really recommend that people check it out if you want to be a little adventurous to something different. We were there for four days. I think that the common misconception is that it's like really hard to get a visa. it's not, we just got it from the airline right at the airport. Okay.

So we just walked up to the jet blue counter and they were like, do you need a visa? We said yes, we gave them $50. That was that. Okay, gotcha. I think that's the misconception. But I mean, it was an interesting place to be. It certainly made me like really value living in America. Yeah.

Because, you know, it's harder to get things there. Wi-Fi is regulated. There's none of that. 15 minutes of Wi-Fi a day. Only in the lobby of our hotel. They regulate the time you're on it? No, they just like... All internet is completely regulated.

Oh, my God. cell phone service there, like the Verizon International Plan wouldn't work there. Right, right, yeah. Well, you couldn't even go a couple years ago. Yeah, Obama made it illegal for Americans to travel there. Right. And Donald Trump is trying to stop it. Yeah, because just a metaphor for everything

that's going on in our political system, it's fine. Yeah. Anyways, I thought it was great. It was really fun. It was beautiful. I want with a girlfriend. I'm always, like, hesitant to travel with a new girlfriend. This is a long... You guys never took a trip together? Nope. Longtime friend of mine, we've never taken a trip together. And, you know, we're alone. It's just the two of us. My friend Shoshi, and she was great.

She was a real details person and I'm not. So she dealt with the money, money things a lot. She kept our money in a plastic bag and she paid for everything and she kept a list of everything what? Yeah. She kept a list on her phone of every single thing we spent. Wait, why? So we, I don't know.

And she had a plastic bag? Like to keep it safe? Yeah, to keep it safe. She's like a mom. She'd have it like on her person. You know, you wear it. In her fanny pack. Okay.

In the front. Yes. You got to have it in your front body. Yes. It was slung. over her shoulder in her front. She kept up... We got to the airport...

This is the kind of person I dream. I love to travel with, though. You know, I don't like to do anything. I like someone to plan and do everything for me. I like to travel with like someone that's going to mother me. Yeah, she did all the details. Love it. All the details.

I mean, I booked the hotel and I planned the whole trip and I planned all the food and all the tours we did and that. But yeah, I gave her $500 when we got to the airport and she paid for everything. Like, I would be like, can you get me a bottle of water? Can you get me a car? Oh, God, that's my dream. She did everything. That is my dream.

You know, I remember going on a bachelor's party when Venmo just came out. Oh, wow. Which is crazy to think about, like, because now it's like an everyday thing you use. I only came out four years ago. And someone, someone, right, but someone like took control of like, listen, we're just going to pay. And then everybody's going to Venmo, you know, this is a foreign thing at the end. And I was like, what a dream. Like, I just want someone else to handle it for me.

That's, I think the best person to travel is when one person is a loaner, but laid back on the other person's a planner. Yeah. Did you guys hear that? Do we bark? We'll keep it in. Dewey, relax. It's like laying on the floor barking.

That's my vibe. My vibe is not making any noise and laying on the floor. But yeah, anyways, I really recommend it. The men are super beautiful, like crazy beautiful. Non-stop sexual harassment. If you love not being able to walk down a street while being sexually harassed, that's your place. Donald Trump should love Cuba.

You can just grab it anybody they want by the pussy. What are they going to do? Oh, my God. Oh my God. Do we? Okay. All right. So Cuba.

On your list. You should go. Keep it on your list. I thought it was really, a lot of fun. Do you feel safe? I felt really safe. You did.

Okay. Just like we talked about from Mexico City, like we're not going to walk around in a dark neighborhood by ourselves at night. Yeah. We went into like central Cuba. We went to, we left like the tourist areas.

Like old Havana is like Cuba Disney World. Okay. Where the streets are paved and everything looks nice and clean and that's not really what the rest of Cuba is. Right. So we walked around. Yeah, we felt safe all the time and we didn't walk around by ourselves at night. Right. I don't know that I would have done that. Well, you don't do. Yeah. There's also like there's no cell service. There's no Uber. There's no place to

like pop into like a nice well lit restaurant to feel safe. Like that's not there. Right. You just got to be safe. Yeah. I would recommend Mexico City first. Nice transition. Yeah. For sure. Like not the same. But, you know, there's Uber. There's you feel Wi-Fi, all that. And then yes. If you can do that, then you do Cuba. If you're not well traveled, I don't know that it's your place. I was proud of Shoshi For gone because she is not traveled a lot. I was like, wow, you're going to Cuba, huh? Right.

So I took a trip and you're taking a trip without me. Two weeks. Next week. No, this week. This week. I mean, as we're recorded, as this episode's out. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So we have our shows in San Francisco and Portland and Seattle, but I'm going a little bit early because I was like, I'm already going to be in the West Coast. So I'm going to L.A. And seen Nikki Glazer, our friend, record her Netflix special. in L.A. So that is Wednesday the 22nd. And Andrew

Colin, our friend, is opening. So it'll be really fun. I'm excited to see that. I think this is our first Netflix hour or something like that. So it'll be fun to see that. Which is the dates lined up. So I was like, I'll do that. I'm going to get a little place in Venice Beach and just have like a little vacay. Then go to wine country.

If some best girlfriends are coming to like do some days in wine country before our San Francisco shows. And then we'll do San Francisco, Portland, Seattle. then I'll come home. First I got to go to Delaware, drop Dewey off. It's going to be a lot. Jesus Christ. It's like two weeks of nonstop. But I like I like, I like, I like, I like I was going to say it's like if you guys see us in Seattle, I'm sorry because actually going to be

run down, but you're like really good on the road. I just live a better life. I don't go out and party that hard because I can't. I get up earlier. I'm just kind of like, I feel good. I eat healthy. California, you eat healthy. We also just snack less. We sleep better. Yeah, sleep great and hotels. I'm going to meet the beach. Any guys signed up. Frella. I got some guys lined up in L.A. I mean, Lord knows I can't get a date here. No, I have a couple, that's a couple guys. Prospects. Yeah. Like, I just was texting with one. I was like a guy I met in Austin. And I was like, are you going to be around? He's like, yeah. Oh, he's cute.

Let's go out. He's very cute and tall. Another guy that I don't know, we talked about him. I'm sure you guys always are like wondering the stuff we talk about what happens to these guys. I mean, just rest assured it just like fizzles out. Nothing crazy. But yeah, a guy I was like kind of talking to before. Maybe you make out with him your kitchen. They ask your best friend for dating advice and that it fizzles out. Right.

Sometimes we share the story. Other times it's just not that exciting. But yeah, I'm another guy I'm kind of interested in. I mean, it's just like I'm doing better in L.A. right now than I am on the East Coast. I just love it. You got your own house. You're just like making it happen.

You're going to go to Bangtown in L.A. Boundown. Bangtown? Yeah, it's my new thing. That is not. That is what a foreigner says when they come here. and then, oh, an American goes, you mean Poundtown? And they're like, no, I swear I meant Bangtown.

Raina, you do not mean Bangtown. Raina's so stupid. She's so stupid. If someone writes on iTunes, do you believe Raina said Bangtown over Poundtown? I'm an innovator. Pound Town is one of my favorite things. Like, Poundtown is a very funny thing to, like, flirt with somebody with.

If you're dating a guy, I'll give you guys a little funny trick that'll make a guy laugh. I used to do this with a guy I used to date. Like, if he'd be like, so where do you want to go tonight? You just say pound town. Like, he's like, where do you want to eat dinner? So where do you think you want to go tonight? Poundtown. So Poundtown, USA is a good answer.

Yeah. They love it. Yeah. Who's not going to laugh at that? And everybody knows, guys just want to fuck your sense of humor. So anyway, I will be going to Poundtown, Los Angeles, United States. I hope. All right.

Well, stay tuned. Send good vibes. Thoughts and prayers, guys. Yeah. I'm excited for you to go to Poundown with all these guys. I was going to say, we've been getting a lot of messages about Denver. I feel like Denver is the only place that women are like the dating is great here. Have you seen this? Have you seen any of these? Like some women have emailed and DMed.

Like when we go to these cities almost across the board, it's like the men are here terrible. But then Denver, like we've actually gotten some like it really is called menver for a reason. These guys are great. I've had a great dating experience. So I'm ready to take some D in Denver. A big day. We got separate rooms. I'm ready. All right. Um, lastly before we get to the episode, we are actually really excited to tell you about this thing. We get a lot of emails from you guys about, you know, I'm thinking about starting a podcast. I don't know where to start. Now we have a better answer for you than I don't know. Google it. So we had a really awesome opportunity to go to Spotify this week and check out a new product that they are making to make podcasts easier for you guys to produce.

And Ashley edits the podcast. So, I mean, I think you can speak to the program a little bit better. But, yeah, why don't you talk about like how you like it? Yeah, it's called Soundtrap. It is by Spotify. Soundtrap for storytellers. So this is a cloud-based program, which means that you just, it's not software, you have to download. It's just on the internet. You go to Soundtrap.com. You get your subscription. We'll tell you guys, we have a little code for you guys that we'll share

in a second. And you just start editing your podcast. The editing software is great. They've developed this for podcasters. Previously, most of the software that you use, like garage band and whatnot was kind of designed more for music. So there is music components to Soundtrap, but it's really, really designed for podcasters. It's really brilliant, intuitive. easy to use easier than a lot of other programs to use a podcast tool. The most amazing thing I've seen for remote like Skype interviews. Like the way we don't really do that. We're always just here on this couch.

That's just kind of what we do. If I were to do a remote Skype interview like this is the way to do it. You had a really high quality phone call. You're recording both participants audio and separate tracks. This might not make sense to somebody. But anyway, we watched a demo and it was like really amazing. So if you're doing any sort of Skype. remote interviews. Like, I can't think of anything better. It's really incredible. There's, like,

all these editing tools to edit the transcript. You can do jingles, music, sound effects, all that's built in. And it's just all cloud-based. This isn't like, I have to download this program. It's like, you literally just go to Soundtrap.com. On that note, there's a fee associated with it, but you can get the first three months free to try it. And that's going to be at Soundtrap.com slash gift. And your code is, girls got to eat. And you can try it for free for three months. That offer expires August 14th. So if you want to get those three months free, just do this by August 14th. and give it a try. Anything Spotify does, I'm typically on board with, and this is no different.

I love what they're doing. I don't know if you guys knows, but Spotify owns a lot of different podcast companies and podcasts in general. So they really are an expert in this in general anyways. Yeah, when you do this, you just upload a right to Spotify. Right. So it allowed you to do that. Yeah.

Which is great. I think that it's like a little bit, I think in New York and L.A., like all of our guests live in New York and L.A., and if you live in New York and L.A., it's easy to get guests. But like if you live in like Pittsburgh, I don't know how you have access to guests in all these places. So this will just do that. did it. We watched a guy, we watched these guys Skype and like the, it was just the quality is

on point and it makes it really, really, really easy. It's really, really intuitive. So big fans, Soundtrap.com gift, girls got to eat is your code. Try it out. We love it. Yeah. All right. All right, guys, we have your favorite in the studio with us and Dewee. We have another male comedian for you. I can feel your panties tingling. Bur, bo, bo, bo. Wow, that is, sorry to interject so quickly. Yeah, it's not your time yet. I don't. I don't think I've ever made a panty tangle. Fine. You have a girlfriend. He is a New York City comedian. He has a podcast, The Rad Dudecast, which he just told me,

is just three comedians bullshitting for an hour. He took a shower today. He doesn't really do impressions that he says he's going to try. I can't really have to sit this out. I have to just sit quietly while this goes on. intro I've ever given anybody. So far has been torture in the best way possible. You know what I mean? Finish. Well, that's it. His name is Anthony DeBito.

Welcome to the studio. Are you doing all right? I love that he showered today was a credit. Yeah. I know. You follow that up with my podcasts. Two things you should know about this young man. Yeah. Also, he rode for Michelle Wolves show, but most importantly took a shower today.

I think that's only because your girlfriend told you to. Oh yeah. No, absolutely not. Because I was telling you guys, like, if I don't have a show that night, there's like, no way. I'm going to shower. And then I hadn't showered in two days. And before I left, Julia, I was like, what are you doing today? And I was like, I'm going to do a podcast. And these two girls. And she was like, two girls, you got to shower. You got to do it. You smell. You're going to be sitting on their couch. It's a whole thing. She's like, if you don't, I got to write an email to them apologizing on your behalf. Just to it. She should DM us anyways and apologize for you later. I don't like to shower, like at all. Like, I'm not.

like I'm one of those people that just like I don't want to be wet but like once I'm wet I have a hard time like getting out like I live there now you know like I don't know what you mean I just I hate being wet I hate doing my hair I hate towels I just all the things are oh the whole experience yeah but she loves a bath oh well bath is underrated I've gotten on the team bath I'm team bath and I've gotten here because my girlfriend loves a bath and then I started in with them and at first I feel like I'm in the old west and I just I like that you know I've gotten I'm in the old west and I just I like that you know I'm I don't. In the bath? Yeah. You have a bath in New York City? You have a tub? We don't. But like if I go on the road and they have a bathtub, then, you know, I'm all about it.

And that's what I don't like about the new boutique hotels. Because like if you stay in those places or newer hotels in general, they don't have baths because I think none of like the subsequent generation, nobody's taking baths anymore. Right. They just make fancy showers with fancy tile and fancy marble. I'm not about that. It's bullshit. I'll change you six times until I find a bath.

Yeah. Oh, I'm there with you. Yeah. If I'm not naked. masturbating and drinking at a body of water within an hour of checking into a hotel. I don't want to be there. So we're going to talk about dating and relationships.

You are in a relationship. I am. I've been with the same girl for about five and a half years. I'm kidding. I know every day. I came on here to publicly slander her. He's sitting there like, what did I get myself in? This is so crazy.

Let's not tell her. You shouldn't have told her you were going to be here. No, I'm sure she's great. She's a comic. She is a comic, yeah. You guys met on the scene. We met at an open mic, yeah. A very romantic experience.

When she was a child bride. Yes, she had just got out of a crate from Moscow and she'd come to the creek. And I said, you look lost little girl. Let's find a home for you. And then we've been dating ever since. Yeah. Come with daddy. What'd you say?

Oh, gross. Come with daddy. Ashley doesn't like when I say daddy. It creams her out. Well, daddy's always weird. Yeah. All right. So you're in this relationship five years.

Five years. That's pretty impressive. Yeah. It's going great. I mean, um, I love her. that helps, I'd say. And yeah, I mean, like, we met, and we met when she was 22. So that was, that was, the first year, I would say was the most challenging part.

Okay. First couple years. Because, like, you know, 22 doesn't mean. Everyone is the same at 22. Right. So, you know. And then at that point, you're what, 27-ish? I was 30.

Oh, you were 30. Yeah. Oh, you're, okay. So I was just kind of weathering the storm for like a couple years. Oh, poor are you, you had to fuck a 22-year-old. Weathering those nice perky titty. Good for you. Good for you for saying something to me.

I'll be honest with you. Yeah. Emotionally, the sex was unbelievable in the beginning. Yeah. Because, you know, yeah, she was 22. And the other, you know, younger generation, they're going faster. And if she's doing comedy, she's a little damaged, you know. Oh, totally.

Completely broken. Torn in pieces. Just horrible. But, yeah, no, in the beginning, she was like big, dirty talk was huge, like in the beginning. And that was something that, like, I had never really had a lot of before. And it was something that, oh, I really like this a lot.

But it was also a thing where it was like I can't reciprocate. Like a guy's just not good at that. Have you learned? I've got a little bit better. But usually I got maybe go for two that are pretty good. And then I'll like, you know, you know when you're like you're, you're feeling pretty confident. And you're like, this next one's a heat check.

And then, you know, she's like, don't, don't say that. And I'm like, all right. You know, I just see trying something. You got to give us some go-to lines now. I'm trying to think. Oh, God. I'm uncomfortable. No.

In a good way. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think specifically. Yeah, you know, I don't know. I might have said something about her being a slut, but then it was too detailed, you know, because she was like, um. You picked like which corner she was being a slot on? Something.

Yes. It was like something like that. Ah, man, what was it? It was super specific where, um, she, I did a location. We were doing like. Brother Jimmy's in Murray Hill. Yeah, it was something. Yeah, exactly.

She was just like, you know, I'll do like, you know, I'll, I'm taking you from behind, whatever it is. Like, you know, whatever you're like kind of laying out the steps. And then I, you know, I said something like our food hasn't. gotten here yet, you know, but like, we're still waiting for it, but here we are. We're fucking doesn't matter. Like, and she was just like, don't bring up wings. She was something along those lines that I couldn't remember specifically. But yeah, you're just like narrating a word porn. Yeah, exactly. Gotcha. She was like, we're just into deep now. And yeah. Literally. I'm good for her for being like

dirty talking at the young age. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. She came into the gate strong. Nice. Where I will get flustered and, you know, it's a tough thing to improv while you're, you know, with an erection. It's not the easiest thing in the world. De-sext? We did a lot in the beginning. Not so much anymore. Every now and again it happens and it's, when it happens, it's like, oh, like, this is still

around, you know? It's kind of nice. But, yeah, she, well, she's very, like, what I like about her is she, she'll never not tell me exactly what's on her mind. Is she Jewish? She's half Jewish, half Italian. Nailed out. Oh, there it is.

Yeah, exactly. So it's like, she's never, she's never once been, like, pussyfooted around. what she's not liking or liking. She's very aggressive in terms of like, that's not working. This is where, you know what I mean? It almost feels like a business meeting, like a little bit. It has the curtness of it sometimes. I think that's great way to be though. I mean, you don't have to tell me to tell people how I feel. I'm right out of the game. But I think that if you, in small doses, tell people how you feel about things, then you don't have this crazy buildup at a giant fight, you know, weeks after something like something to piss you off. Things get ironed out like right

away with her. I've never had to guess whatever. Nice. Yeah. All right. So before we had doing the show, you were talking to Ashley a little bit about some different topics that we could talk about. Oh, for sure. Talk about whatever. Outside of your boring relationship. Let's talk about shitty relationships and like how we recover from them. So you were, you went through a pretty tough breakup or cheating involved. And then when was this? This was in college. Last year. Yeah, yeah. This was six months ago. It's been a ride, really. Okay. Well, also now, now, I'm very invested because we see a lot of guys that have one terrible breakup. They get their heartbroken in college and like never recover ever.

Like that's what turns them into like these noncommittal fuckboys kind of thing. So I'm glad that that didn't happen to you. No. But you were telling you were talking about when we were messaging about different topics like what you did post breakup. Yeah. Walk us through the cheating. Sure.

No, yeah. Happy to relive this. Yeah. And we talk about judges up for you. That'd be great for us. We talk about what girls do post breakup, getting over it, but we haven't really had a guy on that's really, I mean, Mateo a little bit, but we haven't really deep dove into a guy's like post breakup behavior and things like that. Oh, sure. I think yours is a little different than the standard.

Their standard. Yeah, I definitely went to sad or route where I guess like, yeah, most guys would just be like, I'm just going to hit the gym and go to strip clubs. Yeah. And I'm just going to have a crazy attitude towards women for the rest of my life. For eternity. Yeah, exactly. Like, it's just going to, there's just going to be this shift. I wear cut off shirts from now.

You know what I mean? Whatever that is, I drink X body spray every night. A lot of Adderall monster. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go to school for finance. I'm going to rearrange everything. Now, for me, yeah, I was much, I went the way sadder out.

I'm a very, I'm more like, emotional. I was raised by all women. So I'm like a little bit more of a sensitive guy. So I, it was my first relationship ever was this girl. I fell in love with in college. Thought she was going to be the one. You know, we dated for like four years. And then it was kind of complicated in terms of the trajectory of like from breakup to cheating.

I'll try to go through it as fast as I can for you guys. We have time. It's raining outside. Where am I going to go? We love a breakup story. We live for it. Oh, perfect. Why we started this podcast.

Okay, cool. All right. So many terrible breakups. Yeah. We're like, let's fucking make a living off of it. Tell me about the terrible shit that happened to you. Let's make jokes about it. Yeah.

No, no problem. Great. So, yeah, I'm in love with this girl in college. I think it's, you know, this is going to be it for me. She lived in Alaska. I lived in Jersey. We went to school at University of Miami and Florida. Oh, nice.

So summer's like we'd be away from each other. And then like I just, I didn't know, I went to school for architecture. So I was supposed to be there five years. She graduated in four. So I had an extra year at Miami. She was moving to L.A. to become an actor. So I had an extra. Waitress.

Pretty much. Yeah. She worked at Starbucks. Ableista. A little different. So we had this year apart and like it was a thing where over that summer going into my fifth year and, you know, then her moving out to L.A. Where it's like she was just, we weren't really talking as much when we were. She would kind of like bring up other guys that she was just like, she was like, yeah, I'm like, work with this guy. He's like real cool. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't know the signs of a breakup. So like I didn't know it was coming. And I thought like to break. break up with someone like you had to like, you know, steal money from them or something. You know what I mean? Like something horrible. Yeah, something horrific, right? So, uh, she just broke up with me. I was devastated. Um, I spent like my fifth year

in college, like I started a journal. Like I went that route. Yeah. Where I was like, I just listened to weepy sad songs. Yeah. Yeah. I went a little emo. That might have been a good time period for email. It was great. Yellow card was like really hot. I went right. I went route of like bright eyes. Do you remember like Connor Oberst? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, really like. Like. Yeah, super weepy. Not emo rock. Like, like, yeah, emo under an oak tree for the rest of my life. Crying into a leather bound book. So I kind of did that. And then I started writing poetry, just like awful, horrific poetry. I remember the computer, and this is a real start. I remember the

computer that I used to write. Well, you're like in Miami. Yeah, exactly. Thug school. Like, and you're just poet under a tree in the park. 100%. It is not the place. Everyone's like, go can. Totally. It is like, yeah. Yeah. It is not a place to be introspective at all. I can see it. They're like, dude, it's game day.

What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, man. You're like, I kind of finish this poem. Gloria Estefan's on a street corner playing the bongos. You got to rhyme this last verse. Yeah. The rhythm is going to get you. Yeah.

It's not the rhythm that'll get you. It's other things too, guys. Hard break as well, everyone. Yeah, it was terrible. Yeah, you sound really broken up. it's been a while. It's been a while. You can make a joke.

You know, I love the thought of breakups. It's like they're so terrible you actually think you're going to die. Like you're in so much physical pain and like anguish and you can't stop crying. But like everybody knows in like two years you're going to go on a podcast. You're going to like deep guttural laugh about it. Yeah. It's going to be fine. But in that moment because it sounds like a sports injury where it's like, oh, there's a timetable.

It's like, oh, an ankle sprain. You'll be better in two months. You don't know. A breakup, you just have no idea. And no one will tell you like, especially guys. guys. No. I have a question.

When you were going through all this, what were your guy friends like? Did you talk, do guys talk about this with each other? Nah, I feel like now maybe more so, they're a little more open to it. I feel like masculinity, like whatever thick shield of masculinity that guys have had over the course of our history is kind of dropping a little bit. So this was like 15 years ago. So no, not really. A guy's answer every time is just go to a strip club. And not dudes that are at University of Miami.

Yeah. They're not like, they're, yeah, they're not. also sensitive got like you know yeah these are party guys and I was a fifth year senior you know what I mean just looking to have a good time I'm like what if we stayed indoors and just like you know watch something that made us feel everyone and they're just like we should try to see some tities and I'm like I mean that's an option too we could do that yeah so okay so you you wrote poetry yes wrote poetry that was one thing you did yeah I'll I think I I know the name of one of the poems I think rain will get a real big kick out of this I just want to give her more yeah more material things I remember

I wrote a poem called Empty House. Yeah. Get this. It was about a house where love used to live but doesn't anymore. Are you the house? Were you the metaphor?

Yeah, turns out it's not so much of a layered metaphor. I was the house. But in my head I was like, I don't know, maybe, do you ever have those moments too where you're like, you go through something

but at the same time, you're like, this might be really good. You know what I mean? In hindsight, it was horrible, but I was like, should I extend this to like a publisher or something? Yeah. Oh my God.

Did you ever think to say, send her? No. No. The book of poetry? I don't know. No.

A leatherbound journal or poems? Would you take your ex bag? He sent you a leatherbound book of poems? I would photopopy it. I would put it on a blog. Definitely want our website. That would be a CBS sitcom in a year and a half.

I would basically do the same thing that I'm doing with this podcast. In blog form. Drop a new poem every week. Drop a new poem like a mix. state. We could do a new podcast every week. We rip a poem to shreds. I know.

I wish she would have brought some here. Empty house. The computer I wrote it on died. Like I even think that computer was like, I need this. No one needs to see this. Okay. And then what did you do? So you made it through senior year.

I made it through senior year. It was a struggle, all those things graduated. And then I was back in Jersey figuring out what I was going to do next. And I was like kind of getting over it. It had been like a year. I was like gradually getting over it. Were you able to like sleep with? girls, like date other girls at all?

The prospects of another girl was in there. And I was, because I was in Jersey, I was living by the beach in Jersey for that summer. So there were, there were other girls, like, I was feeling good. And then she called me out of the blue and then that, like, set me back. And then I was like, I don't know what to do again.

Like, and I miss you call? Kind of, yeah. It was like, and I miss you call. And then I was like, I just gotta get at it. Like, so I just, I didn't know what, I just moved to Hawaii in, like, the fall. So that she, couldn't call you.

Yeah, it was kind of a thing where it was like, I just need to, I wanted to get away, but like I still needed them to speak English and I, you know, I didn't have to get a password. I love this. Yeah. Yeah. I just, well, in breakup or not, I like just making a move like that. Like when you're young, why not? Exactly.

You know, I'm not, whatever. Don't take my life advice. If you need to go get a job, get a job. But like, like, obviously, you probably had a job there. Yeah. I just like taking a leap and doing something spontaneous like that anyway. That's really what it was. It was just like, I just wanted a whole different, uh, see, I just wanted to remove

myself from wherever I was. But yeah, I mean, like the issue with that is like you kind of learn is your brain just comes with you wherever you are. So you're just like it doesn't matter. Yeah. So it makes a little, I mean, change of scenery though can work wonders. Like I was going through something really hard and that's when I mean, it was a quick trip. I didn't move. But that's when I took this trip to Aruba and met Raina. And then we started this broadcast. It was like a very transformational trip. No way. I just needed to like get away, especially New York City. Like New York City can be a depressing. It can be so fun. But like if you're, I mean, especially if it's like winter and it's cold and rainy and you're just heartbroken.

I mean, kill yourself. Yeah. Okay. So had you guys not spoken that much for the year? And she called and said, I kind of wanted to get back together. Yeah, exactly. So we hadn't really spoken at all. And then she called and she kind of was, you know, hinting on me coming out to L.A.

Or she missed me or, you know, whatever it was. She couldn't find anybody about her. Probably. Yeah. In L.A. I mean, you're also a great guy. But this is what women, I mean, women and men do this. Sure.

They think they there's something better. and then they realized there's not. So I think that's exactly what happened. So it gave me a glimmer of hope. And that was the problem is because now I had hope. And then like she just wanted to hear that I was still interested. Like that's all that it was. So then when it became more concrete of like, oh, maybe I will go out there.

Then it was kind of like radio silence again. So that kind of like mini broke my heart again. So that's why I was like, oh shit, I'm back to almost square one into where I was when I was in Florida. So I was like, I'm just going to move to Hawaii. I'm going to have this experience. I don't know what's going to happen next. So I get there and then I had, I was an architecture major.

So I had a couple architecture interviews lined up. Didn't pan out. I had, I didn't, I didn't have any options. So I was friends or no, I responded to a Craigslist ad. That's really what it was to be an environmental canvasser. So I worked as it like, you know, do you have a minute for the environment like one of those people that like annoy you in the streets? Yeah, yeah.

So I did that. You said that very convincingly, though. Oh, I'm well trained. Yeah. Well, that's all they get yet. Do you have a minute for like to save children that are dying? Yeah. Or like dogs that are about to be euthanized.

Yeah, I guess I'll cancel yoga. Like what do we need to talk about? Here's my checkbook. Right, right. Every time I'm in CBS. Right. Everybody's CBS right. Do you have a dollar to donate to people that are less fortunate than you?

I'm like, oh, how do I say no to this? I just donate to like a few causes. So I just shout that out. Like every time they're like, I already give it to the SBCA. Totally. Just so you'll leave me alone because I got to get to yoga, you know. Yeah. I get it.

It's a move. I, this fucking white bitch. It's so funny too, you're like getting to yoga at the same. But I'm like, do you see the mat? I'm carrying the mat. Yeah. I got to go. Of course.

I agree with you. But you're the one with the money. They're like yoga mat. I know. She owns her own mat. Yeah. She owns, she owns a yoga. She owns her own yoga mat and she'll feel bad.

You know what I mean? That's really what it is. Like she's already doing yoga. So there's going to be an inherent guilt with like, she's a white woman doing yoga. Right. I just want to y'all like, fuck the. like fuck the children to like give yoga a bad name. Like they're like, that white woman with the yoga bat.

Yeah. They're the enemy. Okay. So you had a job. Oh yeah. So I had a job. Still poetry? I'm dabbling.

I'm still dabbling. You know, I'm still going. New palm trees to write under. Yeah. Yeah. I'm still trying to be as sad as I can in the most pleasant environments on the planet. It's a different body of water to blog about over there, you know?

Yeah. Poetry's different on the Pacific than the Atlantic. It really is. The waves affect you in a different way. So yeah, so I'm doing that. And then I work, I work with these guys that are like, they're all, they're all real deal hippies. Like, I just, I just kind of look dirty, but I'm not like an actual, you know. So I'm, so I work with these guys and I had gotten, then I got kicked out of my Craglis apartment. They lived in the woods. So I ended up living in the woods with these, like, three aborigines.

Kind of. We lived off trail. Is that offensive? I don't know. I don't know either. Don't look at me. I'm not smart. So I live with these guys in the woods. And then it was kind of cool because it was a thing where I had a job, but I was still, I was living in the woods. There's like wild boars running around. There's all this like crazy shit. So I couldn't really think of her, you know. So I was like getting over the breakup without knowing that I was getting over it by just like the life that I had, I guess. So then about six months of that go by. It's just, you know, I was in Hawaii early 20s. You start to get island fever as nice as it is. So we were, the group of us was going to move back to the mainland and then she starts calling again she came back she came back right has she

not done enough but at this point it was interesting because like but that the year before if she called like I was just like I couldn't wait to hear you know have that phone call when she called this time I was more just like oh weird you know it was it was very like my reaction was different and it kind of hit me I was just like oh I think I'm over her like this is wild yeah so I talked to her I was super casual on the phone. And I could tell because I was so casual that she was, you know, then again, really interested. Well, exactly. That's how it works. Yeah. She could pick up on your like lack of interest. She's like, wait, wait a minute. I want you back. Exactly. That's exactly what happened. Oh my God. So she was living in Los Angeles. And she had moved out to Los Angeles with my best friend

from college, this guy Japhed and my friend Brooke. So they're all out there. So she was like, well, before you go back, I was going to go just I was going to go back to Jersey to be honest with it. So she was like, stop in L.A. I'll see you. And I was like, yeah, that'll be cool. And more than that, I was like, oh, I could see Brooke and Japheth. Like, these are two good friends of mine, my friends. So I get back there and she's super into it. And I was kind of like, all right, yeah, I'll go back to Jersey. I'll move back to L.A. We'll do the same. I'm sorry to get upset. Yeah. All right. All right. Okay. Well, you got like, like, this was my first girl. So this was my first girl. So this was the, she's it, you know. So I'm like, all right, I'm back. You know, we're going to get back together. I'll have this life in L. Everything's set. Everything's set. again. So I go back to Jersey, about a week goes by, and I hear nothing from her. Nothing. Yeah, nothing. And I'm like, I think, I'm like, God damn it. I think this is happening again. So I call her up and she's, you know, she's being kind of coy on the phone. She's kind of dancing around, you know, and I'm like, what's going on? Like, what's really happening here? And then she just starts wailing, crying. And I'm like, you're doing, I just knew it. I was like,

oh my God, you're doing this again, aren't you? And then she goes, I started dating Japhette. Oh, your friend? Yeah. So that's, yeah, yeah. What do you mean? Like in the last 24 hours? What? I don't understand.

Basically, well, in L.A., they had been, you know, they hadn't been dating, but they'd been hanging out, probably grown closer. What? I am not okay at this story. In a week's time, they started going out. It does, like, to be honest, man, I don't want to see you guys upset for this long. That hasn't been a while. He's like looking at our face.

I know. I just, yeah. It's heartbreaking. But the silver lining, it's going to sound like a weird. silver lining, but it makes sense to me, is that they actually started dating, and I believe they've been married for years at this point. So in a way, it worked out. And you're with somebody else. Yeah, of course. Like, whatever. But at the moment, I'm like, we're along with this ride with 22-year-old you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a mess. It was, yeah. It was interesting, too.

Were you like, okay? Oh, my God. I was weird. I was okay because it was a definitive, you know, because before it felt more like we had tried an open relationship along the way. Yeah. We're trying to make it work distance-wise. So like it felt like, is it going to work? Is it not going to work? And I felt like this totally closed the door. Yes.

So it felt over. So I felt really good about that. I actually think, and I've said this on other episodes, because I've been through like the worst of the worst breakups. And I've, like, it's almost a blessing when somebody does something so terrible to you because you're like, okay, I'm allowed to start healing now. Yep. I'm never going to get back to.

together with this person, the door is shut. Totally. You know? And it's like, I mean, it sucks. It's terrible. But like I almost prefer that to some like quasi, like in the middle breakup. Right. You know?

Because then you don't know, you don't know where you're going to be, where you stand. And like, you have hope. That's the problem. Because that hope the whole time is a life ruin. But once that's diminished and you know you can move on, then you can move on. You're good. The hope and the like the wondering if this person is supposed to be with you. Right.

I felt the same way when my ex. engaged him like, well, that door's shut. And I felt really good about it, but the friend thing, I don't know if I could. I would say the hardest, the hardest part was losing, like, losing just two people that I were like, oh, I considered you to be the love of my life and then you to be one of my best friends. So it was like losing both of you in one shot, that was the difficult part. Yeah. But then in a way, like another friend of mine was like, look, if like people like that are going to do something like that to you, like you don't want them in your life. Absolutely.

So once they said that, it kind of changed my perspective. And in a way, I was like, oh, cool, I can move on from him as well. Because then I remember too. And this is a classic guy moment where the next day he texts me and he was like, are we really not going to talk anymore because of this? And I was like, no, I think I'll wait for something. I'll wait for you to kill my grandmother. Like, what are you crazy?

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Okay. This is really interesting. Last week we did this episode called Girl Code. And we talked about, like, can you fuck your friends significant others, exes, etc. and we, I mean, obviously it's like a terrible, not when they're dating.

Damn. You guys have like a very European podcast. She met past. Can you fuck your friend's wife? Just live your life, you know? Right. I'm back. I'm okay.

I think it's just so different with women and with men. Like women, you definitely have like a sit down. I can't imagine like a friend of mine, a girlfriend of mine sending me a message like that. But the reality is I think that like sometimes two people really do fall in love in as long as they're honest with you, like, it's terrible and it sucks and it's horrible and it hurts, but like, I don't know what the alternative was not that they weren't going to be together.

No, yeah. As long as they were together, I was kind of fine with it. You know, it was like, it was initial, like, punch in the gut, but then I think everything kind of worked out for the best. But yeah, that text afterwards was the one that I was like, man, are you insane? Like, that's you, I mean, that was the other thing, too. It's like, if you're my friend, you would know, you know how it was like just wallowing and said, you read some of my poetry.

You know what I mean? Oh, you read empty house. Yeah, man, you read, you gave me feedback on empty house for Christsink. And for you to turn around and say that I was like, oh, man, you didn't know me the whole time. Okay, I just have a few more, a few quick burning questions. Go ahead. You said that she cheated, but did you tell us that you found that out for sure for your first time? Yeah, well, she, I mean, she told me.

Did you catch her or she told you? No, she had told me, yeah. Oh, she came clean. She came clean over that, that, that's when she came clean. Because I think they had been dating, whatever, like, week or she brought up or whatever. Yeah, the week or two weeks that I was in Jersey when she was kind of, you know, being distant, like those are the two weeks it was probably had been going on. And she just, she had too much guilt to tell me. So then she finally, after a couple weeks, like copped up.

Well, I like your breakup tips, whether you realize you were giving them or not. And just, I think a lot of it is like you found this creative outlet. That's one thing that we always say with the poetry, whether it's that or if it's, you know, fitness or if it's dance, whatever, and then you change a scenery, important. And then just like realizing the door was shut. Yeah, I think that's huge. And being patient with your pain as well. Yeah.

The understanding that it's like, yeah, I mean, it took those two years to really get over it compared with those things that you were talking about. Yeah. So I think all them. It sounds like it wouldn't have been two years if the person hadn't kept giving you hope and giving you hope. No, those were the issues. That last time makes me crazy that she, then a week later's day and your friend,

it's shocking. Yeah, that was, uh, yeah, that was tough. Because I just, I, those two things together, like the reaching back out and then the, just kidding, now I'm also dating your friend. What? Yeah, because it, because it's the devil. Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah, I did not think, because in my head, I was like, oh, this will be the person that I'll grow old with. And then I was like, I didn't think my last words were going to be calling her a bitch into a flip phone. Right. I think it was going to be. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was going to be that. But, um, yeah. Yeah. That, that, that, it was, because I was. Because I was. hesitant the second time she reached out because I was kind of over her and I had kind of hooked up with other girls and that was the only girl I had ever been with you know so I was kind of like oh like

all right maybe I'm like maybe I am attractive to other people you know what I mean like there are other girls out there I liked some of these other girls a little bit like all right like there are other women so I was hesitant when she came back into my life and then I can it took me whatever those five days or so were in L.A. to kind of get you back to a place of like okay let let's have you be my girlfriend again. So I was more like... Just kidding. Yeah, you, yeah, exactly. Oh my God. And what was it like with your friend? I'm interested like how male friendships are after something like this. Was that it? That was it. Yeah. For the both of them, it's been it. And I honestly have nothing but happy for him to this day. You know what I mean? Like, I don't really see a reason for us to communicate. I don't know what we would

talk about. You know what I think that's the most beautiful place you can be at after like a horrible devastation is like, I don't need to communicate with them, but I wish them well. Yeah. And that's that. Yeah, for sure. I really hold no ill will. It would just be a thing where, like, if we were friends now, you don't think it's going to come up.

You know what I mean? I don't know how we're going to be like, man, like, who do you think the warriors will win? Are you still fucking the love of my life? Like, you don't think it's just going to be in the mix? I thought we would grow old together, but not in this scenario where you're with her. Yeah. Exactly.

I just, I've become very fascinated recently with men that they have this. heartbreak a lot of times in college and it affects them for the rest of their life. I was with a guy friend last week and he was talking about his good guy friend that this has happened to and he was like this stud on campus and he was great with women and all the stuff and then he had that one crazy heartbreak. She cheated and he's literally never bounced back. And I think a lot of it is how men deal with it. And you really were like, I have to deal with this in my own ways. Yeah. We're introspective. You're like, I'm going to write some poems and I'm going to go to Hawaii. Like men don't do stuff like that. Women, that's why they love

these episodes that we do, they like are actively figuring out how to get over their heartbreak. And I don't think men do. I think they just move on. Maybe they start fucking someone else or they just never process it. They never work through it. And then literally they're 30 and they're like, why can't I commit? Oh, right. Bethany from college. Ruined me. Ruin me. We hear it all the time. Like we've had these guys on and we're like, so good artists. Like you know this girl in college. You really broke my heart. We're like, shocker. You are just one of the many. Because they go to strip clubs to try to do with these things. And I just love that you were like, I have to actually figure out how to work through this in a healthy way. I'm not trying to make it like that deep of a podcast,

but it's all kind of like coming to me because I see this happen all the time where I'm like, these men never recover. The terrible breakup I was telling you that I went through, I saw him four years later after I had more than healed, had other relationships moved on, talked about it, did all the things. He apologized to me and cried harder than any human being I've ever seen cry. He kept telling me, I never processed this and never went through. What? I processed it was everybody. There was nobody that I wouldn't talk to about this. I would tell the bodega guy.

I went to Chase Bank after we broke up and I cried to the fucking teller. I had to shower four days. I was gulping for air crying. I just love that day for that teller. I was just like, do you want an extra lollipop I get? It was the day after Halloween. I was sitting in the Chase Bank, gulping for air crying.

And this guy was like, why did I get this girl? She's like, it's my first day, ma'am. But lucky them. What else are they going to happen in a day? Like you're a bank teller. That's the best part of your day. That's the best part of your day. Right.

Got a story out of it. That's what you're going home and telling somebody is like, this bitch came in crying. It was crazy. The bank's nuts, man. I love it there. Like, you're just like,

everyone says it's boring. I don't know. My first day was wild. The only other cool thing that happens in a bank is you get robbed. So like, I feel like I was the only other interesting thing we can happen. He's like next day. He's just like,

maybe we'll get robbed. tomorrow. We're off to the races. I'll tell you about a roller coaster. Work a chase. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I think it's because I don't know really,

but I think it's because guys are like, that we're supposed to have all this pride. And we never want to be, being vulnerable means being weak. So it's like, so admitting to yourself that you're hurt or seeking out like your friends to talk to them about it shows weakness.

So it's like, it's so they just, they cover it. We'll just like, we'll just go to a trip club. and like that'll do it. And it's like, that does not. Yeah. And I just, I think we're, I think we are like progressing obviously. I mean, I think men are getting better. But yeah, I don't know. It's, I, it's just, it's a crazy phenomenon how women and men deal with breakups differently. So I like that you took a more

emotional route. Yeah. I think it was, I mean, honestly, like just being raised by all women and being around so many of them that had went through breakups or there, they were just so much about, you know, my mom especially like talking through your feelings. So I think it was kind of ingrained in me to be that way. instead of, you know, another route. Well, okay, so this is a good transition. You being raised by all women. We want to talk about your grandmother.

Oh, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. I bet you guys never thought we'd do a grandma's segment, but here we are. I cannot wait to hear about her. Oh, yeah. It's my favorite topic, man. She, so my grandma is now 94 years old. She's in a nursing home in northern New Jersey. She's like a type of woman who just, like, my whole life hated men because my grandfather

cheated on her in the 50s, but they never got a divorce. she wasn't going to use that money for a divorce. Any money went to her kids. So instead he just, he lived in the living room and she slept in the bedroom. My whole life, that's where he just, I didn't know he was my grandfather until I was like 10 years old. Oh my God. You thought he was like a roommate? Yeah, it's exactly what I thought.

Wait, are you being serious? So it's 100%. You thought that he like was the. So what happened is my kind of, yeah, my family would joke around when I was a little kid and they would call him the tenant because like that, it was just like a joke. My family would do that too much better. But nobody told me that it wasn't a joke. So I just thought he was a renter. So at like 10 years old.

And he's your blood relative. Yes. He was my grandfather. So. So, so. Yeah. They were just, they were like, they, you know, you got to tell a kid that's not the tenant. I was, so good.

I had a friend over first grade. And like, he was just looking around the table. And my whole family lived in the same house together. So it was like already weird enough. It was like my grandma. My great grandma's there. My mom's there. Two answer there.

I don't have any siblings. So he's already like, what is all this? This is not look like what I've ever seen a family to look like. This is what you get. Yeah. For being a cheater. Yeah. Grandpa.

Then my friend looked in a living room and he was like, who's that guy? And I was like, that's our renter. And he was like, what's a renter? This is wild. Yeah. So then I asked my mom about it and she was like, that's not a rent. That's her grandfather. No.

Yeah. Like she was like, this whole time, you thought that was the tenant. And I was like, yeah, I certainly did. Yeah, I'm a kid. Exactly. Why don't know what I believe you guys implicitly? Yes. I don't know what sarcasm is.

I didn't even know you guys had first names. Right, right, right. So I know you guys had first names. It's really funny. Thank you for thinking that was funny. Yeah, it's very funny. Nobody in this room is going to find that funny. So then, so she, like she, you know, other guys would kind of try to date her and

she was just like, just swore off men horrible towards him. And she's also, you know, she's an Italian grandmother from Jersey. So, you know, she's what you would think in terms of her political views and social views. Okay. So he's a little bit racist. I don't know why I just don't come out and say that right away. Got it. So this.

Sugar coated that nicely though. Yeah. So what would you assume that person would be like? Yeah. No, I get it. Totally. So then she,

um, so this is like years and years years of the whole, you know, my whole life knowing her, this is how she is. Very stuck in her ways. Um, and then she,

a couple years ago. Plan member and everything. Yes. Plenty of white robes in the household. Weird Saturday trips. You didn't know what those were for you there. I just those were a comfy clothes. I didn't know,

I feel like there's going to be a great twist in the end. Like, I'm just waiting for it. Yeah. So she goes into the nursing home like maybe like five, six years ago. No, less than that. Is she sick or she just need like assisted living? Assisted living. So she's still kind of with it?

She's with it. Yeah, she's great. She had like a gallbladder surgery that like kind of went another route. So we didn't know if she was going to make it or not. Long story short, she ends up in the nursing home about three, four years ago. So she's in there and she's hating, having a horrible time. and then she meets a guy in the nursing home. And this guy is a black guy in a wheelchair.

He's blind. He's got one leg. She falls in love with him and they want to get married. That's a real thing. Yeah. So like she's totally changed. Hated men. Hated black people.

Yes. Totally retroactively claims she voted for Obama now. She's like, rewritten her whole history. Yeah. It's wild. She's like, I would have voted for Obama for another term. She claims, yeah.

She goes, she goes, you know, I was a proud day in my life. when I voted for Obama. And I was like, you're a registered Republican. I don't even think it's possible for you to do that. Zero percent chance you voted for Obama. You voted for David Duke. Okay. We made the case.

Oh, no. She wrote him in. But, um, but yeah. So she did like a total, uh, 180 and is like madly in love with this guy that she met in the nursing home. Blind, no legs? One leg. Blind one leg.

Uh, yeah. And they, yeah, she just. Would you say that love is blind? Oh. Oh, yeah. There is. I was saying that. Would you say that he's blind to her racism?

I was, yeah, I would say, love is blind, and so is her boyfriend, Frank. Of course, his name is Frank.

Everybody in the nursing home is named Frank. Yeah. So what are they, are they going to get married? Yeah, we're trying to work something out. Yeah. A real wedding is difficult at this point

because his, his brother is his legal guardian. And his brother met my grandmother. He's like Brittany. He has like a conservatorship. Yeah. Yeah. So his brother met my grandmother and was like, you can't marry this lady.

No. Yeah. And a part of me kind of gets it. Yeah, he kind of did that. And I'm like, she could be a little great. I love her at that. She's my favorite person in the world. But on first meeting, you might be like, yeah, she's a lot.

Do you think he was getting like get out vibes from your grandmother? Yeah, maybe. You know that woman in get out has that like black, boyfriend. Yeah, maybe. He might have, he might have just seen the movie and was like, you can't do this. Is that tea? No, absolutely not. He just don't get out. He was like this. No, it's a white lady. Yeah. He's going to steal your soul. Yeah. So, he's, after 94 years of living, somebody's brother's still like, you know, you don't seem capable of making decisions for yourself. You can't marry her. Yeah.

There was a couple or a guy in Atlanta, an old friend of mine, or we just hang on the same circle, not like a close friend because I don't know the latest, but he had the same thing, his grandmother met this guy in the nursing home and they were in love and like wanted to get married and the family was like, do you guys, do you need to get married? You're going to die soon. Yeah. Like what's the point of the marriage? People like to get married at that. The thing is, just have a wedding. Yeah, why not? Roll them down the aisle. Yeah. Yeah. For that, for that generation, because I, you know, I asked her like in depth about this. For that generation, marriage was so important. So it's just, it solidifies when two people are loved it so much. Whereas like,

for us, we're like, ah, it's a piece of paper. It's the last name. It's whatever the thing is. But for them, it's like, it's, it's what says that you guys are in love with each other. Now it's like we give each other a Netflix password. Right. That's marriage. Yeah, yeah. I'm a HBO. You're lucky. Yeah. So she did get a legal, legal divorce from the tenant? Um, no. Yes. At some point she did. Yeah. Maybe she's just trying to wipe away that stain. Yeah. She, I mean, she very much. She wants to die married to like a right guy. That's exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

she wants to not only get married to him but she wants to take on his last name like it's very much a thing of like hey when i go i want to go as miss andrews rather than miss davido so yeah it's very very sweet um unfortunately the brother is stopping oh my gosh um so we might do some kind of like like a symbolic wedding i i try to even just i tried to bring that up to her and she was very much against it because like once again the marriage thing like she was like no like marriage is a real thing and we need it to be real. Yeah. But I think we're most likely do a symbolic wedding with like, you know, a friend to play the priest

and, you know, whatever this is. You're going to know. Fake marry them? I think so, yeah. You're going to hire an actor to fake marry them. I think it'll be like a family friend. A family friend. You know, she has.

Oh, yeah, you guys can do it. Oh, yeah, like an inner religious. Like I'm, I'm Jewish. She's Christian. Like we can do like a multi-religious kind of thing. Yeah. If you guys want, yeah, we'll set something up. We'll set something up.

Have you met him, obviously, right? The brother? Yeah. No. Frank. Oh, I love Frank. Yeah. He's the best.

Okay. He's a super soft-spoken. My grandmother is a very loud, opinionated Italian woman. He's a super soft-spoken, just guy that laughs at everything she says. And as a non-dream. Yeah. And he just has corny line after corny line after corny line. But it's like when he says it, you're like, I don't mind it so much.

What is? I'm so mad at this brother. We need to sit down with him. Well, sit down with my grandmother first and then be like, you know, the brother might have a point. Okay. All right. You're right. Sorry.

You're right. Two sides to every story. I like that you're an equal opportunity, a hater. Okay, I was going to wait until you got to the end of the story to tell you guys. I got to tell you. Ashley wrote, okay, listen, she wanted that, she knows you before this. I didn't know you before. Right, right.

Ashley put on the outline for today finding love at any age. Yeah. And so I was like, how old is this guy? Oh, I forgot to even mention that, man. How about you? Oh, me? Oh, that's really funny. He looks pretty good for 75 years old.

I was like, how old? Like, our demographic is, like, pretty young. Like, how old is this person? I guess he's going to talk about finding love in the Korean War. What? When he was at Pearl Harbor. Yeah. Yeah.

I saw it. There I was on the rice patties. Our audience is like college girls. They don't need to hear about finding love at any age. That's really. And she was like, I saw this guy. He was real charismatic playing bingo. I was like, I think it'd be good for our podcast.

You have like some salt and pepper hair. So I was like, is he? That's really funny. I did not know. I didn't know what that was about. You didn't know what that was about. I thought I told you about the grandmother. Oh, it's fun.

I thought you were bringing that up because Frank is like 25 years younger than her. Of course. That's the other thing. Yeah. So it's interesting. Okay. What is the worst that could happen? Because they're going to keep their own money, right?

Like what's the brother really scared of? Emotional abuse. I guess. Yeah. I really think he met my grandmother. And at first sight, my grandmother's personality is a lot. and I think he was like, yeah, no, this can't be, this is a scarlet letter on her family. Oh, God.

So I really do think that. All right. Well, we're going to meet her. We'll make the decision and we'll decide. We're going to side with the brother or what's her name? Vicki. I was hoping she was going to have a really Italian name like Conchenta. And what's the brother's name?

I keep calling him the brother. I don't. Like the tenant? Yeah, like the tenant, the brother. I don't actually know the brother's name. Okay. Okay, maybe it's because just hypothesizing. The brother's name is Conchenta, actually.

Okay, maybe it's because he's 70. So hypothetically, he's going to live like a lot longer. Yeah. And they don't want to be responsible for your grandma financially. Yeah, I think also too, and my mom brought up this point, which I thought was interesting, was that no matter like how old they get, you still look at your brother, you still look at your mother as like young, you know? So when you see him marrying somebody who's that old, then he sees his brother as that old as well

and then he's like I don't want that to happen because my mom had like weird trepidations in the beginning about Frank too because he has like one leg and he's blind so it's like oh if she's with him then that like seals the deal that she's that old

and she's that with her right you know I just agree to let's just agree that they're the same you know like she's older but he's missing stuff yeah they're there are parts aligned yeah they're aligned it all adds up

together they create one human. Exactly. They create one 85 year old-ish human. Yeah. They're great. They're going to keep each other young. Yeah. And whole. Well, that was a great thing too. My mom was like, can't you guys just casually date? And it's like casually date. They're but alive for six more months. You want them to take it slow? Casually? Yeah. What? I just blew my mind when she said that. Your mom's like, can you guys just text a little and maybe dial it back? Oh my gosh. See who else is around the cafeteria. Do they, are they physical? Um, I don't. I don't. I don't. No, no, my mom brought that up right away.

Okay. Your mom brought up with who? With me, which was like, I'm sure everybody is wanting to know as I am. Yes. They, um, my grandmother will admit at least that she kissed him once and then he's a great kisser. Okay. She said that because she, except for it, she goes, she goes, you know, I never kissed a black guy before and I was wondered how I was going to be. And she was like, it was pretty good.

So she's, she's like all about it. My mom said, my mom said this upon them initially getting together because they, when they wanted to get married, my mom was like kind of opposed to it. So she goes, I think they just want to get married for sexual reasons. So they can have sex. And she, and she, and she, and she, and she's, and she, and she, right, exactly. I was like, I don't know, man, they're pretty, they're pretty up there in age. Like, I think they'll just get it done, you know? And, uh, and my mom goes, she goes, then she, like, thought and she goes, I don't even know if they could have sex. And I was like, okay. And then she said, probably just hand drops. Like, that was my mom's, whole trajectory. Yeah.

Now you're talking about hand jobs and they're, and they're, nursing home with your mom. Okay. I think if they can fuck, people at 70 can fuck. I mean, he's the only one that needs a working body part,

really. Yeah, they're both in wheelchairs. So I don't, just getting them on top of each other. They might need some assistance. Yeah. So, but have you guys heard that there is like,

there's a lot of STD spread in nursing homes? STDs because it's like, they're not using protection at that age. They're like, just kill me. I learned that on Parks and Rec. So you can learn through comedy. Yeah.

Gonorrhea, I think in particular is rampant in nursing homes. Yeah. Well, if she gets gonorrhea, you'll know. Yeah. Or him. You know, I'm not saying, you know, if either one of them gets an STD, you guys will know they're fucking.

Yeah. Or HPV. You know, you never know what they can get out there. That seems like a young person as these. So we want to do this segment with you. Okay. So you said you have some situations where you miss red signs on dates. Yes.

And so we want you to tell the stories and we're going to interpret what really happened. Oh, this is great. We're going to woman splain. Oh, beautiful. All right. I'm hopefully not going to like cringe too hard while you're like telling us. We usually do mansplaining and have the. men explain stuff to us. We've never actually had the opportunity to a lady's plane.

Oh, ladiesplain. Okay. That feels like lady spread. I like it. Which is what your grandma does in the nursing home. All right. So there was,

okay, there was a girl I met at a party. This is years ago when I was single, early 20s. So like I had not, I had a pretty good drought going, right? So I meet this girl at a party. She asked what I did for a little.

and I said, I said that I write, I was just flirting. I just said I write romance novels for children. And she was like, whoa, tell me more. And I thought she was, you know, flirting back. Clearly that's a joke. That's not like an aisle in Barnes & Noble. Right. So I'm like, yeah, I'm writing one that's about two dragons who fall in love in midair.

That's just what I said. And she was like, let's meet up tomorrow and work on the book. No. Yes. So I was like, obviously I was like, oh, you're funny, this is a date. I show up the next day. I bring flowers, by the way.

She's at a back table surrounded by books about dragons. No, no. Yes. No. She bought books. She purchased dragon books. Maybe they're the library. I think they might have been at the library. But yeah, I don't, that's not a major point.

But yes. Well, first of all, I know one thing that she's a Game of Thrones fan. But this is years ago. But she was early dragons. She was early dragons. Yeah, yeah. She was way before DeNaris got on the scene. She was there.

And she's trying to like, she's met you to party. And she's like, I'm going to be this guy's business partner. Yes. And but like the way she was talking to me at the party was very like, yeah, very much like a business partner. She was very wide. Like it was very much like, you know when someone's looking at you in a way that you're like, all right. Like I think, you know, we're flirting here. I thought.

So I go. She's like, she's all about just writing a dragon book, right? And I'm like. You unlocked the dragon inside of her. Yeah. Yeah. I brought him out of the cage. I had my satchel of gold coins and I got him out.

So she, and like, she keeps rubbing me in, though. She'll like, she'll be like, we're going to be up. No, she would literally, she said she goes, we're going to be up all night. And I was like, whoa, cool. All right. And she was like writing this book. And I was like, uh-huh. So, and so, you know, for the first hour, I'm like, all right, no matter what,

I'll get a good story out of it. You know what I mean? So like, where are the flowers? at this point. The flower, probably still in my hand. I probably threw them out. I was like,

I don't know what's after you. I just kind of like there's like this big weird elephant flower in the room. Kind of, yeah. You're like, this is what I bring to all my book meetings.

But exactly. She's like, she might be crazy enough that she's like, oh, that's what you do at a book meeting? Yeah, yeah. You give the other person flowers. What qualifies her to be your co-writer?

Yeah. I just the fact she was interested. I have no idea. So, so we're there. And then the first hour, I'm like, you know,

I wasn't expecting to talk about this. Lord of the Rings. And she probably never saw it. So she was like, this is great. You told her the plot of Lord of the Rings. Basically, yes, I did. Right. Look, I haven't seen Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Someone did that to me. I'd be like, that sounds amazing. You're a genius. I did the plot of Lord of the Rings. You were like, Gandalf is walking up the mountain to Mordor. And she's like, wow, mortar is a great idea. Yes. She was like, this is brilliant. And I was like, this is one of the most famous books of all time. It better be brilliant. It's very popular. So I just threw in two dragons. I was like,

just do Lord of the Rings, throwing a couple of dragons. you're good. So like two hours went by and she keeps like doing this like gray area dance of like, are we going to have sex? Are we writing this book? What's happening here? So then enough time we went by when I was like, all right, I'm just, I'm going to go. This is too much. So then a friend of hers walks in, right? Comes over to the table and just un and she's like, this is my friend. And I'm like, hey, what's going on? And then she undoes her coat and she lays down more books about dragons. The friend brought dragon books. The friend bought dragon books. So I'm like, All right. I'm out. Like, this is too much for me to handle.

I've, you know, so I leave. Then I talk to my friend the next day who knew the initial girl. And he was like, what happened last night? I was like, what happened last night? This girl thought I was going to read a dragon book with her. And then he literally goes, she wanted to have a threesome with you. And I was like, yeah, who goes about it like that? I don't. What time of day did you meet her? It was an initial meeting at a party at night. No, no, the next day. The dragon meeting. Oh, that was like, that was dinner. Dinner time. Yeah. And where you were at the library?

No. No, no, no. We were at a bar. We're at like a bar restaurant. It was in Paris. It was like a brosserie. Okay. Listen, I need you to paint the picture. Was she American? No. It's in the evening. She's French. You're at a bar and she's dragon books. I still think she wanted to fuck. I just don't think any. That's what you said. I don't think women go to those lengths. They can just fuck. That's what I would think. It's a, unless she's just a really different, unique person, which again, you know, like I can't. I don't know. I don't know that much about French people. Women don't do that. Why would women be like, okay, so now I'm going to bring books and like set it up? She can just fuck.

That's what I thought. I thought it was pretty cut and dry. She went through a whole elaborate ruse just to get there, unless she wanted to do both. How old was she? I would say probably I was early 20s at the time. She was probably around then, maybe like a couple years older. But when I first met her, this is, because you're asking if she was like a little bit off, I was like, I do this.

I was like, what do you do for a living? And she said, I think. So I was like, okay. She's a weirdo. So I think she just might have been on the side of a weird. Also, like, I mean, I'm going to start telling people that, by the way, at parties. I'm a thinker. People ask what I do for living instead of being like, uh, I do this podcast and like sort of like in comedy.

I think. I speak and I think. I'm really good at it. I'm way better than you. Okay. Now I feel like maybe now that I realize she's French, I feel like there's a lot of, there's sense of humor. Right.

like a barrier there. I think she wanted to do both. I think that like it probably sounded like a cool fun idea, but if I wanted to do that cool fun idea and I didn't want to fuck you, I wouldn't meet you in the evening. I'd meet you. Okay, without alcohol in the middle of the day.

If I am trying to fuck, I'll do both. But I don't, I think evening at a bar sends the signal that I. Yeah. Does she touch you at all? Like, was it touchy?

Yes, she would, because I would, you know, we'd have her hands on the table. And then, you know, as I would tell her like a great idea from Lord of the Rings, she would like grab my hand.

Oh my God. she definitely went to fuck. Yeah. I feel like you should have seen that threesome through. I would have loved to. Freaky those girls are. Yeah. Girls to tell you that they think for a living do anal on a first date.

Yeah, I would have been all about it. Crazy. The problem is it just, there was so much time that went by that at some point I was like, man, I'm just like tired of this guessing game. That was really what it was. I'm exhausted. I couldn't fuck if I wanted to. So nothing happened.

The friend showed up and you went home by yourself. The friend showed up, I went home by myself. I was like, we'll email more about the book tomorrow. Like, that was it. Because when the friend showed up and just laid down all those other reading materials, I was like, okay, that's clear as day that this is nothing. Right. I don't know. They just sound like freaky girls. I think at the time, I think, I was also keeping mind, I was like in my earlier 20s. So I think it was like, it was kind of like a ropes course. You know what I mean? Like I don't know if I was ready for something like that yet. But I couldn't see the sign. Like I think now I'd be more like, all right. Like I know there are people like you out there. But I had now, I didn't know that at the time, you know. Okay. So hit us with another one. This other one, this was in Hawaii where I went on a date with this one girl who she didn't

speak much English at all. Like, you know, I was environmental campus. She's just talking to people out in the public all day. And like, she knew enough where she was like, she was cute. We're talking about the environment where, you know, she's laughing. She's giggling. And like, she knew enough where like you could get a date out of her. Right. You know? So we go on a date. We're walking around the University of Hawaii campus. And I've never known like the moments. when it's like right to kiss a girl. So the moon is out. I think we're having, she doesn't speak much English. So I think we're having, so I'm like talking to her and she's just like wide eyed looking at me and like, you know, very, very doy eyed hanging on every word. So I'm like, oh, I think she's like really into

what I'm saying. The moon is out. We're in this like garden and I'm like, this is my moment. I'm going to, I'm going to kiss her. So I go and kiss her. She didn't react at all. Just a wall, you know. You kissed her. She just didn't kiss back. Just nothing back. So then I didn't know how to say sorry in Spanish. So I said, Felicia Navidad. Oh, my God. That's my favorite thing. Someone just like sprung a kiss on me and there was like Merry Christmas.

Yeah, yeah. That's really what I did. I would love it. It would be my favorite story. That's like the shit comedians live for. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Yeah.

It's like all I had in my head. And you know that moment you're like, I don't think this is right. You're like, fuck it. It's all you know. Just go for it. And I just was like, I don't know. police navvidad and she was like, mm-hmm. What month was it when you wished her?

This was a summer. For sure. Christmas in July. Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, I'm wondering, I didn't want to interrupt you, but I feel like when you were saying that she was really looking at you, I'm wondering if she was just trying to translate. I think that's what it was.

Yeah. I think that's exactly what it was. I think that's just hanging on every word because she really didn't understand the language that well. And I was like, whoa. Yes. And when I'm in a place for I don't understand anything I'd be saying, I just say, I just look really intently at them.

Right. And then I say, no, grazias or grazias, and then I just walk away. Yeah. And then you, police, not be bad. All right. Hit us with your, hit us with your third.

But then again, I don't know. Like, she agreed to go out with you and you guys were like walking in the moonlight. It was a very nice moment. Well, I lived in the woods at the time. That's what, that's it. That's what it was. You know, yeah.

It was the overall. It was the musk. The best I could smell, well, still wasn't very good. Yeah. I got kicks off a bus. It was very, it was post Malone vibe. all around.

Yeah, yeah. So, all right, the last one was at, I was at Comedy Festival in, oh, Bridgetown Comedy Festival. It was probably like five, six years ago where I was single. And I was kind of flirting with this girl the whole weekend. She was a comic from Portland. And then we were just drunk at, like, the last party of the night. So I was hammered.

And she, um, she, like, turned back and smiled at me and kind of, like, nodded. And she was, like, laughed. And then she went into the bathroom by herself. Right. So I thought that was like a cue. Like, you know, I've seen movies.

Drugs or sex. Yeah, exactly. So I was like, oh, I think like, here we go. Yeah. So I go into the bathroom.

Like, I've seen Can't Hardly wait. Yeah. I think I know what's up. Somebody ordered a love burger. Well done. This is my favorite line from that movie. Underrated movie,

by the way. So I followed her in the bathroom and she's like, what are you doing? And I was like, I thought that. No. Yeah. And then she goes,

and then this is a, she, this is real line. She goes, I was laughing because you picked up a chicken wing from the ground and just looked at it and went, and just ate it. She was like, that's why I was smiling and laughing. She went to the bathroom to throw up. Probably. Oh, Moley-Prey-huh. Yeah.

Just ladies playing that one to you. She was repulsed by you. Yeah. She was like, I need to run away from this person. But I'll give him a sympathy laugh. You were in the door at the bathroom. Yeah, I walked in. I thought we were going to have sex in the bathroom.

Oh, no. And she was like, no, this is a much sadder reason for why I went in here. And I was like, all right. Cool. I'm drunk. I don't know. I had, I was on a date with this guy at decibel soccer bar in the East Village. We talked to us a few times.

I think it's like a really good date spot. And we'd been out for a long time. So kind of drunk, kind of confused and disoriented. Do you know this place? It's really tight. It's very divey. And like he went to the bathroom after dinner. And then I got confused and walked into that bathroom right after.

him and he was very excited. And I was just like, I'm so sorry. I thought this was either the exit or the women's bathroom. I don't really remember. But bottom line, I thought I was not going into the men's bathroom after him. Just busted in there after him. And he was like, okay. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And like, he looked Barry like, oh, that's a bummer. He's like, why is she apologizing to me? She's going to fuck me. It's very awkward. I was like, I'm sorry. A weird way of initiating lady. You're in the doorframe of a bathroom. No, you do not want the same thing. Yeah. It's such a sad moment. To go back out of that bathroom, like, go alone where then people are like, oh, that guy just very sadly walked out of the women's bathroom. It's like,

oh, boy, what just has happened? And someone's like, is that the guy that's just a chicken wing off the floor? Is that chicken wing guy? Oh, my God. Someone get him home. It's a rough night for him. How did he even get on this festival? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is he a comedian? Is that just like a guy that wandering in from the street? It's just like, they got showers in this one. you know you weren't going to shower. Let's be real. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you for letting us ladies spain. Oh, for sure, man. That's a great time. Those are very funny stories. Thank you. I was not disappointed at all. All great. They were really great. I was trying to think about when you were talking the last time I had sex in a bathroom with somebody that just followed me in there.

I mean, you really shouldn't. I mean, if you don't have no consent, you shouldn't follow. I'm not advocating for this. This is a wrong move. It was only because we were kind of. flirting all weekend. And I was also pissed drunk. I just ate a chicken wing off the ground. So, you know, how did that happen? Fell on the ground. I thought nobody was looking. I looked around and went, no one's looking. And then just ate it. Oh my God. But she was looking. Yeah. Right. I forgot that you had been flirting. It wasn't like this random girl that shot you a wink at a party. Exactly. Oh my gosh. Well, thanks so much for being here with us. Yeah. Of course. This was a blast. Sharing all of your your lifetime of heartbreak. No, I'm just kidding. And rejection.

plug all your things. Oh, for sure. Yeah, where can people find you on your podcast? You can find my podcast. It's the rad dudecast. You can follow it on Instagram at the Raddududcast. And then you can follow me on Instagram at Devo for Tevo and buy my album on Comedy Central Dream Occupation. Okay. Cool. We'll do us wipe up for that and all that stuff too. Yeah. And as always, guys, you know where to fucking find us. Come on. Um, please rate and review us on iTunes. You can get tickets to our shows at Stupid Liveshows.com. You can find us on Instagram at Girls Gotta'E podcast and Twitter.

Ashley does our Twitter. It's Girls underscore Gotta E podcast. Geez. Once the word Twitter came out, you were like, fuck this whole sentence. You abandoned this grammar. When you have to talk for longer than two sentences, you just give up. People leave up reviews on iTunes all the time.

They're stupid. Now we've just embraced it. But anyway, thank you, Anthony, and thank you guys. We'll see you next week. Thanks, guys. Bye.