Girls Gotta Eat - When Exes Come Back

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

Alternate title for this episode was "They Always Come Back" and we're talking about what to do when they do. We're laying out all the reasons why your ex will try to slip back into your life and how to assess their motivation and your feelings about it, then react (or not) accordingly. We're sharing a lot of own experiences, as well as our listeners' stories of the craziest ways exes have resurfaced. Before we get into the topic, we're circling back on short kings, discussing dick size, popping off about hotel mini bars, and recapping a hard launch situation that threw us for a loop. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Daily Harvest: Get up to $40 off your first box at dailyharvest.com/gge. Feals: Visit feals.com/gge for 50% of your first order, plus free shipping. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. Native: Get 20% off your first purchase by going to nativedeo.com/ggedeo or using code GGEDEO at checkout. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever gotten a handwritten letter? I've gotten long emails, but handwritten. Well, I got that four-page PDF. Episode of Girls' Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Coming to you from L.A. Okay, this is really weird. So we've switched coast and we've switched sides of the couch.

Oh, yeah. Have we ever recorded with you on that side of the couch? I don't think so. It does, it feels different over here. Uh-huh. I'm always looking out the window. And you're always looking at you're always looking to be a permit. Do you know I have sense of a high?

You do that? essentially. Okay, let's switch. Okay, we're switching. Okay, we're going to do a whole switcheroo. Yeah, I don't, did you guys know this about me? I have sensitive eyes, which is weird because they're brown. It's usually a lighter-eyed thing. Oh, this is so much better. You are also more sensitive to sounds and smell than anybody. Like, if something smells bad, you can't get past it. I can at least, like, ignore it. You will, you have to address it, talk to somebody. Will not get past it. It's not, I can't, I can't live. That's what I'm saying.

Like, most people just get over it and you're like, I will not. I might never stop wearing masks on an airplane. Because if I catch a whiff of something on an airplane, I'm like furious. It is such a dream. I'm like, the audacity to smell bad. It is such a dream. Up here. The audacity.

You guys know what we mean. Up here. No, I'm in the air. But yeah, in first class. Oh, my God. Up here. No, I meant in the air. But, yeah, we are also at the front of the plane.

At the front of the plane. Last people take their shoes off at the front of the plane, but I saw one the other day. Shoes off, just toes, raw dog on the floor. On a plane. Toes on the floor? Toes raw dog on the floor. Nope. I'll take my shoes off on a long flight.

You're part of the problem. But with socks, if you're on like an overnight flight or like a long flight, like I'm taking my shoes off. I've never done it. I'm putting them on to go to the bathroom. You're leaving your phone at the seat. I'm like, you know what? We might need to address that, actually. Okay. We had to talk about this because we were on a plane. This was maybe like a month ago.

Maybe we're coming back from last time we were here in L.A. And the flight attendant came over the loudspeaker and said that someone left their phone in the airplane bathroom. And I was like, what? I was like, no. I thought it was so funny that I made a note in my phone to like maybe start to write a bit about it. Because I was like, that is chaotic. To A, bring it in there. What do you need it for? and B, leave it in there because it is just no counter space. Like what it's, you just didn't see it. There's nowhere to put it, nowhere to go. So does I put it under my armpiter in my mouth?

Raina says she brings hers in there and it's, A, it's gross. B, like, what are you, that is the most get in and get out situation. Like, are you scrolling on the toilet in the plane? I think in my mind I'm worried that somebody is going to steal it on the flight. It's so stupid. Steal it. No one's ever gotten anything stolen.

You have all your other stuff. It is crazy when you think about it. Like I leave my entire wallet. Like my passport, my ID, my TSA pre-check, like all my credit cards. I leave every. My Vax card. But I take my phone. Yeah.

Right. Like no one's steal. And then then. So it wasn't Raina, but I asked her. I was like, is this funny? And she was like, I do that. I was like, you're an animal. And so then at the end of the flight,

she came on again. That person never got their phone. So here's my theory. I think it was some drunk bitch that went in there and was like maybe she was like taking sexy selfies. And she's like sending into someone like, you want to join the Mile High Club? And then she went back to her seat, got drunk, passed out watching a movie and like forgot about her phone. Like first of all when that announcement came on, I didn't check from my phone. I knew I had it.

I would never bring it into a bathroom with airplane. But I'm sure people that would do that type of thing check. for their phone. Did you check for your phone? No. Did you hear it? Or were you like headphones in? I heard it. But I was on my phone when they announced it. I'm never not on my phone. You heard it and you were like, that's normal.

I'm like I would never. It's always so funny when you have conversations with people and like you say something in them is that they're going to 100% agree. There's no chance on this earth. They're not going to agree. And then they totally disagree with you. And it throws me for such a loop. It's so funny. So we're in LA. We've had an amazing week. It's been an embarrassment of wealth.

Wealth, yeah, just, you know, the weather. Oh, like, yeah, an embarrassment of riches. Yeah, sorry, guys. You know, Ashley knows worse better than my. It's just the weather, the men. It's been really good. I did stand-up out here. It was almost too good.

It was almost too good. I was like, everyone's so nice, everyone's so welcoming. Like, I'm like a new kid here. The crowds were so great. I performed at the Laugh Factory and the Hollywood Improv. Some of you snacks came out. I thought you were great. I did not see your first show. We did a really fun show with Josh Myers at the comedy show. Yeah, we did the gym. The goddamn comedy jam. If you guys ever have a chance to see that, definitely go. It's really fun. And then I did not see you at the laugh factory, but I came to the improv last night. And you just were so fantastic. And you just were so confident. You came out of the stage. I see you do comedy all the time. You always like that. But then our friend Trevor Wallace was on the show, too. And you guys were both just such a treat to see. So it was great. It was, I was going to say, you know what I started to say one word. And you say, you said. say another. Yeah, girl.

So Trevor Wallace, he's great. If you guys know him, he's got like a ton of followers on social media. He's a great comedian. He's very funny. Raina has done his podcast, and he has a joke about Raina's breast reduction. So this was crazy how this happened. I feel like our listeners are so smart and sharp. They're like, the CIA. It's fucking wild. This girl's in me a DM. She's like, this is going to sound

really crazy. I don't even know if you're, like, friends of them, but you and Trevor Wallace has this joke about a friend of his that got a breast reduction. And I think it's about you. And she was like, I checked his followers, and you guys do follow. each other. And I was like, that is so nuts that she would like guess that. So I screenshot it and texted him and I was

like, this is so funny. And he's like, it's funnier when you hear it in person. I'm like, this is true? Is this true? This is true. You wrote a bit about my boobs and he started explaining. He's like, it's funnier when you see it. And then he was like, I'll do it at the improv if you come. So he came and it was very funny. But two of our listeners messaged me to tell me

he had a bit about my boobs. It is very funny. Like, I knew the premise and you've heard it before. The premise. I mean, well, like, I don't want to, I want to give him credit because, yeah, I was kind of like, all right, that's not the hottest take that, I'm not going to tell his joke, but the premise is that nobody, no men understand why a woman would get a breast reduction, and men wouldn't get a dick reduction. It's an amazing joke. And then it's about social media and like the comments. I mean, it just took so many turns. I was really loving it, but it's very funny. And so I'm sitting next to this girl at,

like, like, the comics table, and she's dying. And I was like, this is about my friend. And she's here. And she goes, shut up. I was like, she's sitting right here. And it's the first time she's heard it. She was like, this is hysterical. I was like, I came with me to even pause to, like, tell people I was there. And he was like, I was on a roll. I couldn't do it.

But I feel like, it would have done such a good laugh. But yeah, it was very funny. Well, then, I'm so honored. And I just, I love our listeners that they're like, this is about her. This is, like, millions of people get breast reductions that are like this about her. I know, it is so funny. They're the CIA. Okay, listen, you know what?

While we're talking about bodies. Let's go back to Short King Spring because we announced it. Well, again, we didn't come up with it, but we did our announcement last week. And some of the comments on our Instagram post, I just mixed reviews. And they really cracked me up. One woman said, I hate the word short king mentioned never be referred to as kings. They already get too much credit and recognition as it is. Don't give them more to feel confident about.

And then another woman said, like, I don't like short guys because they have a Napoleon complex, which I'm like, Putin and Jeff Basics. They're like people that have that complex. But that's not all of them. But you know it when you see it. You know a short guy that's trying to compensate. They got like a big truck. And they're like being a Napoleon. You got to look out for everything all the time.

I know. Tall, short, medium. I just wanted to validate that. That is certainly a thing. But again, we're not talking about those guys. They do exist very much. And they ruin the world, honestly. But they...

You said, Agist? Huh? Exist? Did I? I'm fucked up. And then it's just some funny ones. Didn't realize my 5-7 man was considered a short king until this week. People didn't realize that like how short we're like, as I said 5'9, if you were like, that's not short.

So people want to know the heights. Listen, it's, you know, this is not, it's just jokes, can't stress it enough. I think that 59 is the average height for a man. So I think 58 to 511 is average. Yeah. And I think 6 feet, you can go, you can say tall. And I think 5, 7 below short kings. You have the Ashley Hustle time.

But if you're on the cusp, you can go either way. It depends on how much you insult somebody. And then this one, okay. Like, five eight, you could be like, you short motherfucker, or you could be like, my boyfriend is average size. Exactly. But then this, I thought about this myself. This is not, all right, it's not not true.

This one got the most likes. It has almost 100 likes. 100% convinced this is Ash has propaganda so she can keep all the tall men to herself. It's not, not true. But I'm not out here trying to get all these tall guys. I said it before. I just like my height, but I'm tall. Ashley told me yesterday that she slept with somebody who was 5-8.

She did her part. Are you not? Okay. I do think I've talked about this in the podcast. I would say that that guy was 5-8-and-a-half. If I were to, he may have been skimming 5-9. He was sure than me. And this was a point in my life where I was in Atlanta.

I swear I've told this in the podcast. So sorry to be repetitive, but I don't actually remember because we've done so many of these episodes. But I was in Atlanta. I had realized I hadn't had sex in a year. And I was like, I'm just going to fuck tonight. Like, I was just on a mission. I was at Smith's old bar. This really fun, like live music bar.

And this guy just came up to me. And he was really confident. He had that, like, he was like the fucking construction worker and love is blind too. Like, he was like kind of shorter for me. And he was really into me immediately. I think he had a tall girl thing. He gave tall energy. And he had a great face.

And I was really into it. And we fucked. And then the next morning, Dewey jumped up in the bed. And when he pet Dewey on the head, his hand, his little hand on Dewey's giant head, I was like, boom. No. It was such a teeny hand. And I was like, peedy.

I'm like, Hesley. And he was like, do you want to walk him? I'm like, you need to walk out of here. Like, you and your teeny hands get the fuck out of my bed. But I also have a thing with hands across the board. I love big hands. Like, I like abnormally big hands. So Corey, my best friend, Corey's husband, he's 510, 511.

His hands, he should be 6'5. They look like Hulk hands. You want like myths. They look fake on his body. And I love them. I'm like, Ham's hand, man. I love a big hand, but I will say, and I just want to, like, give a shout out to the men with small hands. It does not correlate to dick size.

Yep. Go off, Queen. This is what people need to know. We had a situation recently with someone who was a little bit shorter and has small hands. And so, listen, sometimes you have to give a hand job over the pants just to see what you're working with. Just to find out. And even if they're like kind of smaller hands,

they can have a perfect dick. Yes. I love that you said that. I mean, it's, I think people, usually your hands and feet are kind of tied in together. And there's a whole thing like big feet,

big dick, small feet, small dick. Like it just doesn't, doesn't track. Doesn't always track. I mean, listen, there's, it is like the most scariest

anticipation feeling when you hook up with a guy for the first time and you reach your hand in there and you're like, what's going to happen? Because there's no changing it. It's just like, it's the only time, it's the only thing about somebody's body. you're like, it's never going to change.

And I need it to be a certain way. Like, I don't really care about a huge hog. I'm not out of here. I want boyfriend-sized dick. I want a medium dick. I'm trying to fuck a couple times a day. I want to go to take it from behind. But like, you can't do anything about it if it's so small.

There was a comic last night, and she had such a funny joke. She was talking about small dick and she was like, I'll date a guy with a small dick, but he better not cheat on me. And she was saying, like, A, you better not cheat on me because you got a small dick. B, I don't want anybody else know when you got a small dick. I can't stop thinking about it. That is the funniest shit ever. You don't want anyone else to know.

Like, I don't even want, like, your exes to know. Like, I can't believe you, like, dated people that know. We're not body-shaming. Listen, we're going to talk about dicks. We're going to make dick jokes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I did my part for the short kings,

and I'm just here to say that doesn't mean they have small dicks. Yeah. And I've said this before, too, that dicks that are too large can be a problem in a relationship, too. I feel for those guys and the people who fuck them, if it's difficult or uncomfortable or painful. I mean, that's not, either end of the spectrum is not ideal. I have only twice in my life met a dick that was met a dick. You know the biggest dick I've ever seen?

Why are we talking about this? The biggest thing I ever saw was the dick I lost in virginity too. That's crazy. For years we fucked and I could not take it. Oh my God. Like I couldn't breathe while it was inside me. It's so painful. And I like it being dick also because I have an easier time getting off.

If I like, my brain is dressed in between I'm in pain. A hundred percent. Like it's sometimes it's too big. Why do you want to be in pain? We're talking about exes crawling back in today. One of the axes we're talking about is the biggest deck ever. Is it housekeeping? No, they already clean your home.

Hi. They already cleaned it. I apologize. What? Do you want me to restock your meaning bar? No, I'm good. Thank you so much. Let me throw this, like, do not to disturb on here.

Raina, they, did you, did you clean out the mini bar? No. I had, I had one bottle of Whispering Angel. And then someone came over the other night. $300. Well, these are all triggered by motion sensors. I had one bottle of Mystery Angel and then someone came over at some company and I had a little white wine. I mean, the sensors on the mini bar have to stop.

Last time I stayed here, I had to tell them I didn't drink any of this. I used the fridge. This is my cause now is we need to use the fridge. I like a cold water. So I have a water. I put it in the fridge. Now I'm getting charged. Down to the front desk this morning I had to get into the room key.

A guy's like, I didn't drink any of this. Like, can we stop it with the sensors guys? Like, what are we doing? also if you do drink it and you replace it, who cares? It's the same shit. Like, it's so stupid. Like, I know it was, I feel like it started very, like, Vegas. But, like, the fact that this hotel has it, I'm like, what?

Come on, guys. I always have a place. I also feel like hotels since COVID don't have refrigerators anymore. I don't have any place to go. I hate it. I need a fridge. And so I need to, like, take the stuff out that triggers the thing. And then I get charged a million dollars.

I want to, like, keep my salmon in the fridge. I, the salmon that I got in the car. I got a road trip. You guys. I got shrimp, salmon, and scallops for our road trip. I got it in a Pikes Place market. We ate it in the car. It was amazing.

We were weird. We were in the car crossing the border into Canada just chowling down on seafood. It was insane. Truly. I never thought of scallops as a little snack in the car. It is fucking weird. It's really weird. It was there.

It was there and we liked it. Yeah, I used the fridge too. It's like annoying. Like I, so I had my water in the fridge, tiny fridge. It was like resting on top of some soda cans, pulled my water out, coat can, flew out of the fridge, sprayed all over the room. My room is still sticky. It was all over my legs. It's not the kind of stickiness.

It's not sticking a good way. Today I touched my suitcase. I was like, why is it so fucking sticky? Oh, right. A Coke can. And I was in a fight, flight, or freeze mode because I didn't know what to do. It's spraying everywhere. It was.

it hit it in the, it starts spraying all over the room and I just stood there. I didn't know what to do. And finally I ran away and let it keep spraying. I'm just going to stand here and get sprayed. You're blocking the rest of the room. Also, like, sometimes there's such a mess that you're just like, I don't even know what to do. One night I was standing in my kitchen and I had a bottle of Franks Redhot in my hand and I just dropped it. Like, I don't know why it was one of the big bottles and it exploded like a bomb of glass. and hot sauce. That is so bad. I mean, I post this on my Instagram

because I did a story about it just laughing because all I could do was laugh. A giant thing, like what, five pounds of sugar fell over and spilled everywhere. I would move. You got to move. My lease is almost up.

I'm moving to L.A. That's what did it. The sugar? Yeah, it's the sugar. It's not the weather and the ease of life and the pool we've been out all week. Yeah. Okay, what else?

Finish Bridgerton, too, loved it. people are critiquing there's not as much sex. I didn't care. I fucking loved it. I was living for it and I loved it. So anyway, just want to give my final review. You haven't watched yet.

I'm watched yet, but I also didn't enjoy Bridgeton's. I was turned on by season one because it's sex, but it's not why I enjoyed Bridgeton season one. I thought it was like a groundbreaking show in terms of like the concept, the casting, the costumes.

Like, I liked masturbate to it. Of course, like everybody else is. I'm a human. But like, that's not why I loved it. Yeah.

So I don't need it. I was talking to our friend Josh, Adam Myers, last night, and I don't know how it came up, but he said something jokingly. Like, yeah, when there's like a hot sex scene, you need to like masturbate. And I was like, yeah. He was like, what? I was like, are you joking? I was like, yeah.

Like, I'm in the hotel. My vibrator's right there. What else are we doing? Yeah. I've been vibrating just in a hand all week. No vibrator. Manual. Acoustic.

Yeah. So does I forget for my vibrant. Okay. Oh, here's my rack. I can't. You guys, this is like big. This is like really big, not for your lives, but for mine. I have not read a fiction book in years.

Oh my God. Yes, I'm so glad we're talking about. I'm so glad you remembered. I'm so excited because I was like, what am I doing these days? I haven't read a fiction book in years. And I was just like, why can't I like get into anything? Like I feel like I've read so many biographies, think pieces, stuff about like existentialism in the world, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And I read a lot of stuff also for our job because, I mean, Ash and I just love reading the books.

People that come on our show about love and dating. But you, Nedder's next to my bed every day. I'm in the bed with you. Wait, I met this guy at the pool yesterday and I told him about Nedra's book. I forgot about it. I cannot not bring him Nedra.

This guy came up to me in the pool and he was telling me that he like tends to date a lot of narcissists and I was like, I can't diagnose you while you read. You read this book and it was very funny. He knew who she was, obviously. So I read the book, The Idea of You and Ashley has like loved it for you. so many years and Emily Fedner our friend loved it and you both were like if you hate it

don't even fucking tell me and I was like why is everybody talking? I know we got a little hostile because I was like if you don't like the idea of you or seven days in June I don't want to hear about it genuinely and you were like relax I joking I was like why you're just coming at me down your throat so I bought seven days in June which I will read but the idea of you is about a woman who's 39 and she meets

this like British rock stars based on Harry Styles I guess um and try out of the show yeah and they fall in love and it's about their like love affair essentially. And I was so gripped. I read it in like two and a half days. It's really like, really good job reading. Thank you so much. I know. I'm very much. I just says good job reading. I'm so happy. There's so many like parts about it that are like LA and New York, like places we've been. And it just was really, it's a special book. And it like made me feel like I like fiction again and I can like get into a story. Because I've always felt like I don't care about these things that they didn't really happen. But it makes you feel all these feelings about your own life. Yeah. And so it's the idea of you by Robin Lee. You guys always ask me, are a. O-B-I-N-E-L-E-E. And it's one of my absolute favorite books.

We talked about it. I think we talked about in 2019. Grace and Becca from Bad on Paper at One-L. Grace is no longer with the podcast, but that was they recommended it to us. And everyone loves it. And I remember, I don't want to give anything away. If you want to skip ahead,

if you're like, you think you're going to interpret the ending by what I'm going to say, but I'm not going to give it away. But the ending does rip your heart out. and like I could cry right now thinking about I laid in bed and I just sobbed for like an hour. And I kind of forgot. I remembered it. Of course I remembered it.

But I forgot how she says it. Last page of the book, I, we were in the car. We were about to cross into Canada. We were having scallops and Raina finished it. And you didn't want to give it away because Bella hadn't read it yet. And then you, I like, I go, let me read that last page again. And I burst into tears. Ashley, it was shocking.

The look that came over your face, you like fully. burst into tears. Like, it all came back to me. Like, no book has gutted me that much. And the way she writes it, I have full body chills just even thinking about it. And, like, there's no acknowledgments at the end. They're in the beginning. So, like, it's just the last page of this book. And it is unbelievable. Like, I felt it in my soul. I know. Pershing to tears, like, all over again. It's also, like, it's the most, like, you cannot, don't ever look at the last page. If you buy this book, if your last page is, like, five sentences, don't ever flip to that last page. I mean, she tells you in the...

I mean, it's not a secret that, like, a relationship between a 20-year-old and a 39-year-old is going to be a struggle. And she says that page one, basically. Yeah. But, yeah, you can't flip to the last page. Okay. We need to talk about something that happened.

What? Two of our exes hard-launched their new girlfriends within five hours of each other. You guys, it is like all of our exes you're in a Facebook group, just ready to fuck with us. and they like coordinated this attack together. I mean, these are people we don't care about, like obviously.

I don't, no, no. Like, I don't still feelings for any of my ex. It's like, it's like I wish them well. So it's not like a, oh my God, a being upset. It's like funny. And I check in on this particular ex every once a while. I check in them every day. But I didn't even know.

So we were at dinner and Kate was like, did you see his new girlfriend? I was like, excuse me? And then we had known that your ex had hard launched too. I was like, what? And then I looked at the time stamps five hours apart. It's fucking crazy. Like, what are the odds that this could happen on the same day? Like, it could not happen.

It would not happen. Two people found love and hard lunch on the same day. They used to date. This is crazy. I know. And I'm with you also. Like, I actually, we're going to talk about exes and having people crawl back in and sort of just like closure and whether you not want to talk to those people.

Almost all of my exes, I have, I would say all of them. I have no ill feelings towards any of them. I don't want to see some of them. But, like, these two exes and. particular, we're happy for them. We don't care. Literally couldn't care less. Sorry, I was thinking a drink, yeah. We just, we want them to be happy. They're nice people.

But like, how the fuck did this happen? We like that they're dating people on their level. Whatever. No one knows what we're talking about. It's just, it's crazy because I was saying to you, like, I was trying to identify the primary feeling. I was like, it's a weird thing to have, like, been in love of the person. You see that there was somebody else and, like, to not feel anything. Like, I felt nothing. I was just like, well, that's nice for him.

Like, go ahead. And then a couple hours later, you were just be the same situation. I know. I mean, listen, we're going to talk some shit. There's no woman on this earth that is not just zooming in, seeing how you can pick shit apart. Listen, his new girlfriend has my attention now. If you're always like, I wonder if his ex knows about what she does, she's gone through all your pictures, knows every single thing about you, as do I. Okay? She has now made it to my fintz to search. Yeah, that's so funny, like new girlfriend and old girlfriend know a lot about each other. They have an intimate relationship that neither.

without communicating directly. Also, in my defense, she probably knows way more about me because she probably got in there first. I don't know about her until five seconds ago. Right. He's soft. He did. You got to make up for last time.

He soft launched for a couple days. And I was like, actually, I think this is the new girlfriend. Oh, right, right. And then he really fucking hard launched. Yeah. But he hard launched. He's a hard launcher. I was like, I think I'm a hard launcher today.

He was like, fuck it. I'll hard launch today too. I'm like, I bet you will. Yeah, you're coordinated. Yeah. So that was insane. I luck to you guys. You know.

And to your girlfriend's at a date, you know. Honestly, what I want to say to them is better you than me. Good luck out there, fam. Look out there. And honestly, if I see you liking one of my photos from two years ago, just know that I'm fist bumping you. I understand it. We've all been there. Yeah, that's so true.

Oh, my gosh. Anything he says about me, it's 50% true. Yeah. All the good stuff is true. What does Rob say? Believe what you, believe half of what you, I'm never going to get this right. It's half of what you hear. All of what you, it doesn't matter.

Anyway, let's talk about X's. You guys get it. So this episode is really inspired because Ashley and I have sort of randomly had a couple of X's crawl back in for different reasons and different levels of seriousness in our lives. And so we are talking about the appropriate response and do you respond and how long do you take to do it and like what are the feelings that come up and ultimately just decided like what do I want out of this interaction in general. And you did something I was really impressed by in terms to take your time. You'll talk about it. But I think this can be like a very scary thing when you sort of like put a relationship to bed and you see that person's name pop up in your phone. And all of a sudden it sets into motion so many thoughts and feelings of like, what am I going to do?

I mean, I've had this happen a lot. And like I've had situations too mainly in particular where I dated someone seriously and like was sure I would never hear from them again. But like there's always that thing in the back of your head, you're like, will I? And I did. Like they always come back as such a quote. I always said that Allison Rob's wife says that. Like they always come back. Like they do a lot of the times.

I say to all my friends because I've had a lot of friends in last, I mean, everybody does, that felt like they didn't get what they would call closure. And closure's different for everybody. And you can argue whether it even exists and when we can ever have it. But so many friends of mine are like, I don't feel like I got the closure I want. Sometimes you need like a year or two years. And like they do come back and you can decide whether you're not, you want to have those conversations.

Some are more toxic than others. But like, yeah, people do come back. And I think sometimes you just do need, like, the actual time and space to process how you feel before you can even have those conversations. Like, when things are so charged and so horrible, it's just really hard to be honest because you don't even know how you feel. Yeah, and we're going to talk about it. But I want to read you my list of why X has come back. Okay. So they're coming back because there's so many fucking reasons to come back.

Here are the reasons why your ex could come back to you. They want to fuck you. They miss you and want to connect with you, but they're just lonely or horny and don't actually want you back. They're feeling low and bad about themselves and they want attention or an evening. ego boost. They want you back. We did an episode, Should You Go Back with Your Ex? So you guys can reference that for the actual, like, should you go back with your ex? They want to be friends or they want emotional support. They're jealous because you're with somebody new. They want to genuinely apologize or clear something up and explain and potentially give you closure that you may have wanted

before. This can often be after they've gotten a therapy or they've had an eye-opening relationship or some big life change. Or it could be both of these things. They want to genuinely apologize and they want you back or they want to absolve themselves and feel like they're not a bad guy and it's purely self-serving. I love this list. Every single bullet gave me so many feelings. There's such a huge range from like really selfish and insidious to like people that really felt like they fucked you up in a terrible way, like my ex-fiancee, which is talking about

that like really just wants to like suck the poison out and apologize to you and they don't want anything from you. So it's such a huge range. And I think that like we evaluate these things based on where we are emotionally and how much you need this or want this or it's going to fuck you up. And let's just like, listen, we all want these conversations. whether you want to admit it or not. It feels really fucking good to hear I fucked up.

This is all my fault. I mean, who doesn't want like validation? Yes. And everybody wants to hear it whether or not you can deal with it is a case-by-case basis. And it will fuck you up a little bit. Like there's nobody that doesn't like, I think sometimes we've had these situations and you're like,

it's going to be fine. It's like it's never going to be totally fine. You will ruminate on it. You're allowed to feel like this stings again. This has ripped a wound open. I've just closed up a long time ago. like everybody feels like that. But I love your...

Well, I mean, it's just... Let's talk about them. There's, like, you have to figure out what the reason is. Like, I think it depends... You know, there's so many different levels of how serious your relationship was, how well you think you know this person. I mean, this can run the gamut of, like, you had a really hot and heavy couple of months,

and this person really meant something to you when things fell apart and now they're coming back for more and just to fuck you up all over again. Or this can be something that you dated for years. It may be somebody you're married to. So there's just so many different levels. I mean, you have to read between the lines and trust your gut, and it can be hard to tell sometimes.

I think you can usually figure out they just want to fuck or they're just lonely. I think you can figure out if they're like, huh? Sunday feels? Sunday feels. Yeah, think about when, did you just post something on Instagram? Do you post a thirst trap? Like, always think of what could have motivated it if it's like sexually motivated or just like horny motivated.

I think you can tell if they're just going through a bad time and they're feeling very victimy and they're upset and they just need like that emotional support, especially they don't have it in a lot of their places in their life or they want They've gone through a breakup recently. Yeah. You know? They're trying to like make you heal the bullet wound. I think that when it happens, you have to take the time and process how you feel.

Like I had a ex reach out to me with the Raina reference earlier. And like I don't know. I mean, I feel like my immediate reaction was, wow, this is the thing that every girl wants to hear from their ex. And then I read between the lines and I didn't actually like what I felt like he was trying to say a week later. Like I really had to ruminate on it, figure out how I felt, come up with the appropriate response. Like you owe these people. people know urgency. Like this relationship is over. You don't have to respond at all if you don't want to. Like you protect yourself, your energy, draw your boundaries. You don't have to respond or you can

wait. Like the second it happens, the second that text comes in or that email or the phone call or whatever it is or they show up, I don't know if that would happen. But you tell yourself immediately, I don't react about this right now. I don't even know how I feel. It's going to take days. It could take weeks. Like figure out how you feel because I think that women have such, I mean, a gut feeling of like what's actually going on here. I think everything you said is really valid. It's like exactly what the notes I wrote out. Like as soon as you see that person's name and you read the message,

I would just pause and be like, I don't owe this person anything. I don't have to. They decided to crawl back in for whatever reason and I deserve the time to figure out what that means. I deserve to think about how do I feel and how is it going to feel if I open the door again to this person and to craft a response that you feel good about. And I always say like think backwards for what you want. Like do you just really want closure from this person?

is an apology really going to feel good? And then you can close the door on something you felt really shitty about. Then, yeah, maybe do it. But I think you have to take your time. And something happened with you or somebody reached out and you didn't respond for a few days. And just like me, your feelings about it changed every day or so. And I think that sometimes you take a step back because when it first happens, you're like, this feels good. Someone wants to apologize to me.

Their name is here. They're reaching out. But then you're like, all right, let me read between the lines here. Yeah. What is the point of this? And what prompted it? Yes. And what emotions did they go through?

to even reach out to me in the first place because this door has been closed for a while now. A response, if you feel like you owe this person a response, you want a response, can literally be, I appreciate it. Like, that's it. Like, it's just, again, like, I don't know how your relationship ended. I mean, I guess there's a situation which you broke someone's heart and they're reaching back out to you. That's not necessarily what we're talking about today.

Every situation is different, but you can simply just say, thank you. Or not. I think no response is a response. I think I appreciate this. Thank you. No further questions is a response. I am not a neuroscientist, although I like to fashion myself as one, the amount of chemicals that flood your brain,

you see that person's name pop up on your phone, and whatever it is that they say, which is probably going to be kind, open, sympathetic, empathetic, all of the things that rush into your brain, like give your brain a minute to calm down. Your brain needs to calm down. And you can say to your, of course it's going to be nice. Everyone's going to be nice when they first reach out.

But say to yourself after a day to, am I really mad about this? Is this fucking bullshit? Does this conversation need to be had? You've coined this apology tour, and I love it. And I think that, like, I've had people just do really shitty things to me that I didn't have a super deep relationship with. They just did something I didn't think was nice.

And they've reached out to be like, let's have a conversation or I'm sorry. And I remember saying to this one guy, he'd, like, wanted to meet for coffee after really fucking with me very badly. And I said, I don't see how this would change my life in any way. And I'm all set. I appreciate the message. And we can go about our lives. It's not going to change my life to put this to bed in any way.

100%. I'm going to let you back in my life. in my life, you're going to keep fucking with me, and I don't want that. Yeah. When I think somebody just sort of fucked with me, acted like a little fuck boy, they did stuff I didn't deserve. It was really unfair, and I think that that's who you are as a person. For me, I just don't need to, like, lean into the interaction. I think that's, like, pretty simple and easy.

Like, yeah, it feels good when somebody was like unfairly shitty to you and it wasn't that deep and they're like, I'm sorry. Great. I'm glad you're sorry. Yeah, I mean, I had this happen. I talked about on the podcast when it was happening where this person reached out to me and we really did not have what I would call a relationship. We had like a flirtation. I felt like he was kind of a fuck boy. We kind of made some plans. It fell through. I just started to see right through him and decided to not talk to him anymore. And he reached out and wanted to like meet in person. He was in New York. And this was like the apology to where I speak of where he just wanted to absolve himself.

And there's this concept of guys not wanting to feel like a bad guy. They want to feel like a nice guy. They don't want anyone to think of them poorly or in a bad light, especially someone like us who as like a platform and things like that. And he's in a similar industry as me. So I'm not someone I think he wants to piss off. But this has been years past. I didn't give a fuck. This is like before COVID. Like I didn't give a fuck at all. I went like to see what was all about. But I very easily could have been like, I'm all set. I do not need to waste my energy on this. And you can 100% do that. And you can also be like, you want to meet me. Why? Like I don't, I'm busy. I got a lot going on. Why do you want to meet me? Tell me now. Call me in the phone or tell me in a text.

So I think that you can recognize that if it feels misplaced. Like, why'd you reach out to me? It's been years and we never even fucked. You know, so I feel like if it feels misplaced and you're wondering why the fuck does this person want to talk to me, you might be on their apology tour. And you can also, you know, you can go for one drink and leave and you can, you don't have to give them your energy. Like the second you feel like that's what it's about. And I think that what you'll hear, like, some of the signs that you're on that is like, it's not for you. It's for them.

Well, it's a self-improvement journey. Like, I think it can sound a lot like, I didn't want you to think this at me. Like, it feels like it's self-serving. It's not about you. It's about them. Like, those are the words they use. Like, I just didn't want you to think I was this. Or I just didn't want you to, I don't want you to, I don't want this image in anyone's head.

Like, I'm doing this to protect my own image. And so that's what I don't want. And I'm not doing it anymore unless it's like, I feel like I want to go for the content, you know? I think that a lot. of guys, especially really good looking ones who maybe a little younger and mature, fucked around with all these girls do grow up and they want to like apologize and absolve themselves

and they're on this like self-improvement journey. I don't need to be on it with you. Especially if it's been years, especially if we didn't have a relationship that was that deep. Yeah. What equity do we build in this relationship that I need to need to be a part of this for you?

You don't like that I'm out in the world telling people this is bullshit and I dated him and fuck that guy. You just don't like that. And I think it's really nice to grow up and become an adult and realize I treated people poorly and I don't like that. We can solve that with the text message. Thank you very much.

I appreciate it. I feel no need to absolve you of these things because this is for you. Yeah. And not for me. Yeah. I had a situation where someone who I felt like did something really shaped to me, like came up to me in person, like randomly at a bar. And I was just like, I don't, did not want this at all.

The waste of, get out of my space. Like get, you know, I don't want it. I don't care to make you feel better. It's not a job to do this. Yes, especially if we didn't have a relationship that was really deep and special. Like, I understand that two people in an intimate relationship do shit to each other. It's not nice. And yes, we can spend a year apart, come back, unpack that together.

And I'm happy to do that. But, like, I don't really even know you that well. And you did something shitty to me that I didn't deserve. I don't need to be here to make you feel better. I know. And it was funny because when I was with that guy, the one that, like, I actually had a drink with. I don't know if he wanted. Here's the thing.

they were always like, are you doing this and you just want to apologize and have a certain outcome about the way someone perceives you? Or do you want to like get back with them, hook up with them, fuck them? I'm not sure. I didn't really get that energy, but I wasn't interested regardless. So I didn't care. Like every once in a while, you can be like, this person kind of did something shitty to me. They want to meet up. But listen, I'm trying to fuck. And you can do it. Right. You know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know if he was like, I missed out on that and I'm going to see if she's interested in again, but I don't care. You know, I couldn't really tell. The vibe felt kind of flirty, but kind of, actually, I didn't care. I was like, I don't, I got to go. I think that you just have

to pause, again, take some time and take notes of your progress from who you used to be when you were dating that person or sleeping with that person. Remember why things ended and how it felt in that moment and say to yourself, do I need this energy in my life? Does this matter literally at all? And I think the majority of situations is probably somebody that you dated comes back and they want some kind of closure. And those are really tough situations, I think, to deal with. That's somebody that you had a much more intimate relationship with. So I had a situation. I've had like a bunch of these situations

recently. It happened. They always come back. That's the episode title. They always come back. I mean, like we've all dealt with this. Like it's such a thing. Yes.

I think you just have to really be honest with yourself about how this is going to make you feel. Years ago, and I've talked about this 100 times of the podcast, so I'm not going to get into it super deeply. I'll talk about a more secure situation. But my ex-fiancee did slide in years ago. We hadn't spoken for years.

I went and met him for dinner. It was really. sad and moving and we cried a lot. I was fucked up about it. We were like new friends and I was like, what's going to happen? Um, he left me in a pretty horrible way and I did think about it for years and it was really painful and it was hard for me to let it go. Even though day to day I let it go, I was in a lot of pain and he asked me to get dinner and he apologized and said, you know, I've thought about this for years and I'm sorry and the tone of it was very much like, I just want to apologize. I'm not looking for a redemption and I'm not looking to get back together. It just, it felt very healthy and

honest and not selfish and I wanted it too and it fucked me up for the short term because you think about it a lot but in the long term it released me from a lot of feelings and I'm really glad that I did um because I needed that other people that were a little more toxic in your life I would maybe think twice about and I had um an ex reach reach out last week um I will say I sort of provoked the conversation it was my ex that I said I called out of the blue I was trying to see if he died um so I did open the door so I want to just be honest about the fact that like this was not completely unprovoked. But he called me out of the blue on like a Friday afternoon and basically was like, I want to talk and I want to be honest. And he proceeded to say some of the most I thought in the

moment, meaningful, touching, honest, vulnerable things I've ever heard him say to me. And he told me why he had fucked me so badly over the years. And how sad he was about it. And he was like, you're the person. Like, you're the one. Is there a way to ever make this work? And like, can we get around these obstacles? And it was really nice and kind. And he said those things that you want to hear, like, all the problems we had and the fights we had were my fault. And I picked them with you. And he gave me reasons for them. And I believe that this was genuine.

And I believe that he met those things. But I haven't heard from him since. And he kind of ambushed me a little bit. I didn't get like a warning shot for this. So I just let him talk. And I tried to, like, not get so heated. And I just sort of was like, these problems are always going to exist between us. And you know that.

And there's no magic wand to save these things. And he was like, do you want to keep talking? And I was like, I can think about it. And that was sort of that. And at first I was fine, and then it fucked me up. And I went through this whole cycle of being like really sad and then really angry and then feeling like this isn't a big deal. I can lean into this. We can talk.

And I cycled through a lot of it before I said anything to him. And then I finally just said, like, you know, thank you for the call. And that was really vulnerable. And I'm sure it wasn't easy to say those things to me. And I appreciate it. And I don't think that my response elicited an open door, which is how I feel like now I want it. Like I feel like you and I talked about it. I talked to my friends.

You talk to your friends about how you feel about all these things. Always. Yeah. I mean, sometimes your friends are the reminder of what the relationship looked like. Like, call your best friend immediately and like have them offer the perspective that you sometimes can't see from when you're from the inside. I mean, it's such a huge thing. I mean, we talked about this with that guy. Like, that guy, nothing's changed.

And this was like the main thing that we talked about with the episode should you go back with your ex, which I don't know when that was. Was it 2020? It's July 13th, 2020. Should you get back with your ex? and that'll cover all kinds of stuff, like should you reach out? And if they reach out and stuff, you want to get back together. Yeah. We talked about it. Like, have things changed? And it's so interesting because your ex-fiance was really not a bad person. He wasn't a narcissist. He wasn't toxic. Like, you had a multitude of issues that you, you know, were a lot younger and that you

couldn't really see. And you've, like, reflected on a lot of, like, what the way you made him feel and vice versa. And like, but he wasn't this bad guy. He didn't manipulate you. So it's a lot easier to sit down with that person and like hear them out. And I had X that really is kind of always a victim and he reached back out to me and he, nothing was different. It was still that same mentality. Like it wasn't like I was considering getting back with him, but I was like nothing's changed. Like this is still the same person. Like the guy that you said called you like even if you were to give him another chance, which wasn't on the table or something that you wanted to do, nothing would have changed. Like, yeah, he's like, I did all these things. I felt these ways. I picked these fights with you. It would

have been the same shit. I'm glad that he was aware enough and realized it. And he was aware enough and realized it, but that's the thing. And I, I had a situation with an ex of mine where we were always long distance and then he moved to Atlanta. He, he, he, we'd always talked off and on. We had met in college. We were always off and on for years, long distance. And we hadn't spoken in quite some time. And I didn't really know what he was up to. And I got this email from one day. And he was like, I'm, I'm just going to let you know that I'm moving to Atlanta with my girlfriend, which a little bit was like a dagger to the heart because I was like, you never moved here for me. but okay. And he was like, his opening email was like, I just felt like you should know,

I would love for us to catch up and like have lunch as friends, but she is like jealous, basically, in so many words. And I was like, this is never going to last. I mean, already, I can tell. And he started to kind of like text me here and there. And then, I can't remember exactly. This was so long ago. But bottom line one day, I had not provoked anything. He mostly had. It wasn't, he didn't cross a long but he was just like touching base with me here and there in like a friendly way. And then out of the blue I got this email from him that like felt like she wrote it herself that was like, I cannot talk to you anymore, leave me alone. Like it was like it felt like it wasn't even in his voice.

I was like this is fucked up. And basically I mean, I was like a lot younger than him or less mature. And I was like, yeah, fuck you. Like bye. And then he reached out to me maybe a year or so later. And he was like, I cannot apologize enough. I was in a really bad place. you were a problem in this relationship because I clearly still had feelings for you.

And she knew you were in the city and it was just a jealousy thing. And I felt like she probably caught him talking to me. And he was like, I just cannot apologize to you enough. I want to, I want to, I'm about to move from Atlanta. But I want to meet up. And like, I got beers with him because he was like a nice guy and I heard him out. And like we kind of got back together. Like I felt like with so many years had passed and like I was like, let's try this again.

because I always had such strong feelings for him. And we ended up giving him another try. And we went to a wedding together. And he spent Thanksgiving with my family, actually. And it just didn't work out in the long term. I knew that that just wasn't my person. I've talked about him a couple different times in the podcast. But it was like, I heard him out.

And I did miss him. And we did give it another try. And I have no regrets. And he was like, I was in a dark place. And I lashed out at you. And I'd like to explain myself. I think that most people aren't bad people. I think that most people look back at breakups and they're not proud of their behavior and they're not proud of showing the worst parts of themselves to the people that they love the most.

And I think that most people aren't proud of how they acted when they were growing up and acting like little shitheads. And I think ultimately you just have to ask yourself like, what is the purpose of this interaction and how is it going to make me feel? Like when my ex-fiancee reached out, it was so clear he just felt terrible and he wanted to apologize. That was the only reason and I thought it was genuine. But my other ex that reached out and was like, I want to give us a try. then you have to have those really honest conversations with yourself. Like you said, has anything changed? Is anything going to be different here?

Because like it's going to hurt a lot to open this wound up and talk about how you made me feel. And I'm going to feel a lot of feelings finally hearing from this person, it was my fault. I did this on purpose. You weren't crazy. I did gaslight you. It rums up a lot of feelings. The feeling of like, oh my God, I was right, it will allow you to excuse a lot of behavior, I think, sometimes. Because you're like, it's so introspective.

It's so honest. They're being so open. Maybe it is different at this time. It fucks you up and it fucked me up. Even though this guy I knew we were, I know we're never going to get back. We can sleep together and be fine. We're not going to, the things that are wrong in our relationship, we don't want to live in the same place.

We don't want the same kind of lifestyle. That's never going to change. I'm never going to stop making him feel a certain way. And so like hearing all those things after all those years meant like so much to me because I was like, you have fucked with me so badly for so many years. And yes, of course I knew the reason. but here you say it feels really good, but it's not enough to, number one, excuse the behavior because I didn't deserve it.

And there's no happy ending here. It's not, I can excuse it and what we're going to start talking on every day. Right. And it's like Emily said, like the story is different, but the ending is the same. Like it's, it's never going to be different. We're not going to end up together. Yeah. I know.

And that's, I just think that's like the most important thing to think because you can sometimes get wrapped up in this like really powerful feeling of validation. And then you're like, this is the same person. They haven't explained to me why they've changed or why they, you know, what has gone on. And that's what I said earlier. Like a lot of the stuff can come after they have had some big life change. It could be something like a death or death or they just decided to go to therapy or they had another relationship that maybe reminded you you aren't so bad.

Yeah. All those things will rock a person to their core. A breakup is like it will shake you to your core and change you forever. And it makes most of us think about the last person we were with and what was that like. and that person was better than my last person, better than this person who made me feel so shitty. And I think it just, when these people slide in, they are going to be on their best behavior.

They are going to say the nicest, most complimentary things. Everyone is going to be the absolute best version of themselves. You just have to keep reminding yourself, has anything changed. Yeah. And, you know, if this is a, I mean, again, we did a whole deep dive on this, like, should you get back with your ex? I mean, some people are more impulsive than others. I think you grow up and you're like,

I want to text my. my ex, but I'm not going to because I have more self-control and this is going to fuck everything up. And I'm not just going to act on this like horny feeling or this lonely feeling or this jealous feeling. And like, I would never do that. I know what it, what it does to reach out to certain people and I'm not doing it for this, for their own sake, you know, sometimes, especially like one X that I speak of where I'm just like, I can't, I'm not, I can't open the door. He'll come like flooding in and I have to like draw these boundaries. But I think if you feel like it's genuine and you want to to entertain it, potentially getting back together or friendship, whatever you may want.

Like, make them work for it, you know, because see if that was just an impulse. See if that was just, I saw your bikini pick or I saw you with someone else or I was just feeling down and out or something my dog died. Like, see if it was just an impulse or if they're actually interested in rekindling because they'll keep trying. People will go after what they want, you know? So, you know, one text, one call, one email, whatever it is, like make them try harder. And I love that you talked about paying attention to the language that people use when they're doing this, because I had somebody who I know clearly wants to be in my life very much, and I don't think he's like super proud of his behavior. He knows he hurt me. And he did apologize. And I like those discussions. But the verbiage was very much like, I'm sorry, you felt that way. I'm sorry, you were so hurt. I didn't hear a lot of accepting responsibility for his own behavior and explaining why those things happened and certainly why it wasn't going to be different in the future. So I think that

we just have to look out for the ways that people say something and not be so fogged up and cloudy just by having the conversation. Like how are they apologizing? How is this self-serving? And I think language is really important and I think you can decipher a lot from it. Yeah. Well, I feel like we covered most of it. Yeah. So we asked you guys on Instagram what are the craziest ways you've had exes resurface? I thought I'd heard it all. I thought I'd heard it all, but we got a lot of stuff. I feel a little inspired by a meme I saw that someone had said that their ex, they had shared a Netflix, and she hadn't kicked him off yet. And he went in and changed like the name of his Netflix profile to can we talk. But it's just if you've logged in your Netflix and it was like,

can we talk? I'd be like, oh my God. Have you had exes reach out in crazy ways? Nothing is creative is this honestly. It's just like the typical meme of like when they know that you're happy. They're like, hi, can I ruin that for you? Yeah. I'm trying to think if anybody like did anything like really crazy, but no. I mean, my, my, my, my one ex just reaches out every week with a meme and a text or something. I didn't respond for two years and then I invited him to a show. Oh, yeah, that X. Yeah. But nothing crazy. Have you? I mean, my ex and I were, I mean, it was so volatile and toxic. We would block each other all the time, but we would, he could email me. Like I never, I never blocked him email. Also, we lived a mile away. He just would drive over and I mean, more like I would drive over there.

was the one showing up on a house. I've done crazy shit. Busting in his door. He was recording a podcast. I was like, are you dating somebody? Tell me now. He's like, I gotta go. He was recorded a podcast. He has this recorded? I was like, I lost it. I've lost. Oh my God, I never even thought that that could be on Zoom or whatever. This was pre-COVID. Pre-COVID, it's pre-whatever. Whatever people were using before that. Did you ever borrow someone else's car to just go stock your axe? Like, park out front, wait? That's not me sliding in. That should be being crazy.

Yeah. I, um, no, I mean, I've done drive-bys. Like, I feel like in college, especially, like, stalking a guy that you liked, it would be like, let's take your car, not mine. Uh-huh. And I would, like, duck down. Yeah, yeah, you duck down. It's like, they know your best friend's car.

They're like, bitch, I know who's in there. But so many of these were, like, Venmo-related and just, like, the different ways you can get in touch with somebody. Yeah, my exes, none of them are creative, I guess. They can't even slide back in a good way. I mean, this is very, like, some of these are just finding an excuse or a reason to reach out, but some of them are like they've been blocked and everything else. I feel like you haven't had situations where you needed to do that. I mean, the blocking and stuff, I mean, it's kind of childish.

And I say that as someone who had a relationship like that. Like, you don't want to be in a situation where you're having to block people unless you're doing it for self-preservation. Like, you don't want to see it. But like, when you're blocking each other and they got to reach out via Venmo and all the stuff, it's like crazy. And again, I say that with love. I used to, it's not like how mature adults act, but we've all been there.

As you get older, you just get a little less crazy. I mean, I would help. Like, I was doing crazy shit, like, flying up to the bar. I'd, like, my car would just be up on the sidewalk. I'd, like, run it. Yeah. The car was still running. I'd be like, you.

I mean, you just get hopped up on adrenaline. Yeah. But as I get older, I realize it doesn't benefit anybody. No one's happy. I can't even, I don't know that girl. Like, the girl that just, like, came in so hot, pulled up into the driveway on two wheels, busted in the door. Busted in the door.

You're having an out-of-body experience. You're above your body. She's like, bitch, stop. Yes. Like, who am I? I only had one really toxic relationship, and I was 21 or 22. Since then, my exes are just like the typical, like, I miss you. Yeah.

And, of course, like, we'll get into it, but there's always like the happy birthday, you know, stuff that's the excuses to reach out. How do you feel about, we'll get into these in two seconds, how do you feel about the happy birthday? My ex that I mentioned earlier that, like, he had moved to Atlanta for someone else, he reached out, we tried again. We did that for years and then it just stopped. I mean, I know that he is married. And it just once we ended it, ended it for good. That stopped, like the happy birthday. But there were a few years there where it was just, that's the only time we talk, you know, in like March and July.

I don't want it. I don't like it. I feel like it's a good day for me. It's a nice, important day for me. I don't want to hear from you. I don't want you in my airspace. It's going to fuck me up all day. I don't want it.

Yeah. I had a guy friend that asked, like, consulted me on whether he should send that text. And I knew that he really kind of fucked this girl up and blindsided her. And I was like, don't do it. I think that guys are like, but it's her birthday. No, it's not nice. It's not nice. I don't want to hear from you.

Like, my ex was celebrating something in December, a really big milestone for himself. And I thought about texting him because I genuinely wanted to do something nice. And I was just like, I don't need to fuck his day up. I know. That's the thing. Like, it can just be kind of, it's misplaced and selfish. It's self-serving. Do they want to hear from you on their birthday?

Like, I remember my ex, like, lighting me up because he thought I was with this dude on my birthday. I was in New York. I was on a boat. It was my first birthday party in New York. And he's, like, just yelling at me via text. I was like, this sucks. You're the worst. Oh, my God.

Wait, I did have an ex-slider in a crazy way. Okay, never going to move on. I promise you guys. I think I probably said this on the podcast. My ex-fiance, I hadn't heard from him in probably what a year. And we were walking on stage in Dallas. Oh, yeah. About to go perform in front of my dad for the first time ever.

Big, big thing. One of the biggest shows we've probably ever done at that date, and I hadn't done, I mean, you've been a comedian for yours. I had not been on stage that many times. And he hit me with the, like, I just smelled your perfume in a room. Crazy. Fucked me up. That is so crazy. That's, the perfume is along the lines of, did I just see you?

Uh-huh. I thought I just saw you on the street. Mm-hmm. I don't want it either. I just, if you're out of my life, I don't need you to, like, casually check in. I need, like, a grander gesture that's like, I've been thinking about this for a long time. I want to apologize to you for something. Or I'm not, I don't need smell talk check-ins.

I feel disingenuous. It feels like it doesn't respect the fact that like we broke up and this was shitty. Yeah, and it's over. Yeah, and then this is over. Yeah. But then, I mean, there are those relationships that they just, you stay friends and it's fine. You do this happy birthday thing. Your other partners know that you're still friends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Otherwise, I need you to honor the fact that like we broke up. It was shitty for me. And like, I'm not trying to like chit chat with you. Yeah. Okay. 10 minutes ago we said we're going to start reading these. Okay.

Okay. So let's just run through these. Creative ways that X's have checked back in. followed me on Yelp. You can have Yelp followers. I didn't know that. I'd no idea. There's Yelp influencers. How many followers do you have on Yelp? So crazy. I'm a mega influencer on Yelp. Um, DMing me, how are you immediately after posting with his new girlfriend? That's crazy. Sent me $5 on cash up to say he loved me after I blocked him everywhere else. Lots of people do that. Yeah. Chase pay. It's funny the amount. Because you can do, can you do like a penny or like a dollar? I think you can do a dollar. Five is nice.

At least it's like a substantial. I get a lot. Coffee. I can buy a coffee with it. Had his current girlfriend messed me for a threesome. I don't even believe this. It just sounds crazy to me. He messaged my stepdad on LinkedIn. My ex bought my entire Amazon wish list and sent it to my mom's house.

Honestly, I don't hate it. I mean, at least it's a gift. Yeah. All right. And then Guy briefly dated in high school, copied my tattoo and tagged me in the Instagram post. That is so funny. But she said briefly dated. Like, it's not a serious ex.

That would be so crazy. What if that was like your first? first love and he's like got your same tattoo. Let me tag you for the inspo. Okay, this is funny. Venmo requests, not even a payment of request. That is bold. Bella does not, I feel.

You pay me. Bella requests me when she has to go like do stuff for me. No, she told me two exes paid her. I forget why. Oh, she had guys do it. Okay. We'll follow up when we have her on the show. She's not in the room right now.

Venmoing me money for our old favorite gelato shop. Like what? Go have some ice cream and think about us. My exes apply. to every job I've worked for since we've broke up. That is funny. Imagine walking to your job and your ex is just like in the conference room with your boss. Or like if what I wonder what kind of jobs they have.

Like are these like corporate jobs or like restaurant jobs. She's like here he is at the Olive Garden. He's a bus boy here now. He's like Ashley, people have to work. It's very funny because no one could do this to us. What if our ex is applied to work here? No one could do it to us. We get an resume from our actually.

Texas wants to work for GGE productions. I'm like, haven't you already gotten enough money for me? That was going to employ you. Okay, mailed me a tacky art mug, no idea why, and a seven-page handwritten letter. Have you ever gotten a handwritten letter? I've gotten long emails, but handwritten. Well, I got that four-page PDF. That was a love letter.

The PDF? He PDFs it. It was crazy. It's wild, yeah. We also didn't think it was like that crazy at the time. I did. I was dying. That was right around my birthday.

I was like, I cannot believe this motherfucker did. Save as PDF. I know what day was. July 5th. So you can't edit it. Handwritten. That's intense. I mean, that means something.

That's a lot of time and effort. And like, I'm assuming this person like wanted her back. Okay, the classic sending me the on this day memories. Oh my gosh. Cut up. Birthday texts for four years after we broke up. showed up to my grandma's funeral and liking my Venmo transactions.

That is so funny. That's such a little like... You're like a little net. You're like just liking it. I know. I like it when like someone like goes out to dinner with her girlfriend and you like it. It's so funny.

I'm like, buzz buzz, I'm still here. Um, he started at quote unquote accidentally having his flight confirmations sent to me. That is so funny, but only when it was in my city. That is so funny. What is the mean accidental? Like when he put her email address, he put her email. Yeah.

And you can have like, backup confirmations sent to other people. Like I send my dad my confirmations. Okay. Because he wants them. That is so fucking funny. Honestly, I respect it.

He keeps looking at my LinkedIn six years later. It's so funny. We were just talking to something like that. We were just looking at someone's LinkedIn. It doesn't mean I love you. They wants to know how badly you're doing in life. I wasn't long in now. He'll never know.

Oh, good for you. I looked at his LinkedIn to remind myself. They're better than him. Well, asking if I wanted to read his master's statement three years later, so they were like in college together, I got. After I blocked him on everything else, he messaged me through my dog's Instagram. That is so funny.

I saw a few of those, like the dogs Instagram was the gateway. Yeah, we don't want to hear from you. If you're blocked, don't have another Instagram account. We've been blocked by a dog. Yeah, we have. We got blocked my dog. Because of me, like, the dog, the dog, the dog. I didn't deserve it, okay?

You don't know these people. I know. You really don't. don't want to talk to me. If, like, you have blocked your ex's, your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's friend from the dog. That is wild. Through my sister wishing her a merry fucking Christmas. It is really cringe when you reach out to people's family.

I hate it. And, like, if an ex of mine ever reached out to my brother, I would hope my brother would be like, don't ever talk to me. No. I hate it, too. Every situation is different. I mean, you know, what if you're like Chris Jenner and Scott Dissick? Like, that's like his mom. They have kids together.

Yeah. Different. But, like, you know, it's, you have the right or you don't. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like there are couples that break up really amicably. And one party is like, I know you still, you know, talk to my family and that's fine. But, like, if you ever gotten permission, stay out of my fucking family's business. Like, do not contact my family.

Yeah, the audacity is crazy to me. And, like, yes, I mean, certainly there's situations where everything is amicable. But it feels like this is, like, insidious. And I'm just trying to, like, get in there. And I remember one time I broke up with an ex and we had a very close mutual friend. And I said to him, like, I don't want you to tell him anything about me. I do not want to know anything about him. Like, I hate having these, like, mutual.

connections. I'm not in my way. I know. I know. Um, okay. Decorated my whole car at work for Valentine's Day. I had no idea and a coworker had to tell me. That is crazy. Are we in high school? Grow up. Decorating cars. I used to love to decorate a car. You did? For like spirit week and shit? I didn't know about this. Did I? Did I? I was this like from a movie. My school. Now you're walking it back. You don't know. Did we do that? It's really funny. You said it. You sat it for Spirit Week. I don't know. We did. do like a bunch of stuff for Spirit Week. We don't really like spirited high school.

This is bold. Sent me a message on my wedding day saying that if I backed out, he had a ring ready. So, I mean, I just want more information. That one intrigued me the most. Who broke up with who? Like, if she broke up with him and he's just always still been in love with her, like, it's not appropriate no matter what. But if he broke her heart and fucked her up and then she found someone else and is getting married

and then he did that, fuck you. That's so fucked up. but it's so disgusting. You just want to get in her head. It's so manipulative. It's so gross. The only way I can see it being a little bit more acceptable, still not acceptable, would be like she broke his heart and he's still like one last ditch effort.

Like I still love you. I want to be with you. Please marry me instead. Uh-huh. Listen, I get it. I mean, it's a Hail Mary. For sure.

I, you know, my ex got, my ex-fiance got married and I thought about like sliding in and like congratulating him. Like similar to like the birthday text to somebody want to hear from you. I thought about being like, I'm so happy for you and life moves on.

Isn't that beautiful? that like everybody can... And then I just thought like, what is the point of this? I know. Why I opened the door? And I just stopped. I know.

I called my mom to beg her to convince me to get back with him. Again, what are we doing with families? No. Like, if your parent sides with your ex, you should have fight with your parent.

Well, that was like what... Jessica Simpson. I can't believe we thought of that same time. Yes, like, her parents were hanging out with John Mayer. That's wild. It just feels like her parents were like huge social climbers.

Yeah. And like star fuckers. And so, like, they had to do stuff like that. Okay. usually a Tuesday midday dick nude a dick pick that's how you're reaching out also who's ever said dick nude dick nude dick dick so funny um okay I the I had a dream about you DM that is as low as I thought I saw you across the street but I mean this is also I was just in your neighborhood I know

but to me this feels like you're trying to get back together and you don't know a better way to go about it and like if it was a serious a serious relationship that ended in a serious way it's just so not the move but if it was somebody that you dated casually and they're trying to get back in there, we could fuck maybe. You never got to get back in there. But again, like, if we broke up in a real way, I'm not looking for the casual check-in.

All right, tried to call me from jail. Sure. Maybe she's successful. Maybe he needed bail. Maybe that was the only number he memorized. Sent me a calendar invite to call him. That's so funny. You'd do that to me if we were in a fight.

Yeah, I would. If I didn't have a breakup. That's a... Okay, super liked me on Tinder. Oh, my gosh. gives you a rose on hinge. Endorse me on LinkedIn for my Microsoft Word skills. That's fucking funny.

Sueing me for custody of my dog. What a piece of shit. That's not sliding back in. She got served. She got papers. I blocked my ex in social media. He contacted me by buying something from my Etsy. I'll take it.

I'll take the business. You can buy our merch. All my exes can buy our merch. Go back. Listen to every podcast episode four times. And this one, I ended up with this one on purpose when I was adding some of these in. Sent me a screenshot that my podcast was his most. listen to on Spotify Rapped.

How do you feel about it? I just think it's funny because like someone would do that to us. And I'd be like, of course it was. Of course our podcast was your top podcast in Spotify Rapt. I expected to be. I expected to be.

And like you probably would listen every week to hear what I said about you. I feel like I mean, it doesn't, it would matter who it was and how it ended. I think it's so funny because it's such a confession

that like I'm still stalking you. I know. I'm still listening to everything you talk about. I think if it wasn't a serious act, it's actually like a really cute way to fly it. I'm thinking of somebody that like you and I know that said he's like a fan of the podcast and we started like hooking up.

If he was like you're in my top three, I'd be like, we can fuck tomorrow. Absolutely. I know, I'm thinking about that. There was a guy who was just to get me with him this morning. We dated casually, but I'm just thinking like if he said me that,

I'd be like, do you want to come over? I know. Listen, you can get back in here. It's nice to fuck a fan. I've always wanted an audience member inside of me. I love it. Well, those are the submissions. We love them so much.

I think it was so good. It really runs the gamut. It really, I mean, there's just so many ways. Like, what did people have to do in the old days? They'd have to, like, send, like, a telegram or they'd have to, like, get a horse to deliver a note. Or you just have to show up. Show up on the horse. Yeah.

You just had a carrier pigeon. A carrier pigeon. That's what I missed. I'm just so glad we did this because, like, I have had so many exes sliding in recently, and it fucked me up. And I've been, like, in my head about it, and it's been stressing me out. And I like talking about it on this podcast. And like, I think that like the more you talk about it and the longer you sort of wait and marinate over it, the better you just feel. Like, but it does fuck you up for a minute. Yeah. And again, I just really think that if you don't engage because you don't want to, that is your right. And they will go away.

I mean, I had to do that. I had to do that with an ex. Not that long ago. I just, I felt a little bad about not responding. But I just had to. Because I was like, this will just keep going on. I responded once. And then I tried to make it very clear. But then I was like, I just, I feel badly. I care about this. person I want them to be okay but I just this will open the floodgates and we're not doing it we're not doing this again I think you did the right thing I mean I loved how you behaved in that whole situation I just think that like you got to just do what's best for you and sometimes what you know is best for that person like yeah I think that you also read the room and you were like this is not going to be good for him I mean and there's another guy that not a not an ex like someone that I just used to hook up with and maybe we went on a date here and there we did have sex this was so many

years ago. He just, he has hit me up so many times. He's text me, he's DMs me all the time. And I don't know. He wants to hang out. I don't know what, what his end goal would be if it's like to be together or you just wants to fuck again or like, but he has been pursuing me so hard. And I don't respond at all. I don't need to. I know. You can continue to talk to yourself in text and DMs. And I, you don't like, I just want to say like to all the listeners, women, men, whoever, do you don't owe these people anything literally at all. Unless you do for some reason. But I'm, you don't. I'm, you don't. I just want to saying for the most part, no, it's over. It feels like crazy behavior to keep doing it. Like a normal rational person will reach out once they don't hear from you. They should go away. Otherwise,

it's harassment. Especially like, I've seen it. Like, I saw your message. It says seen. Uh-huh. That's your answer. No response is a very solid response. And somebody doesn't text me back for like four hours. I'm like, I feel like you did this on purpose. I know. I'm at. All right. Well, I'm glad that we did this. I feel like I worked some stuff out. I'm, what is this Baby pose, what's this called? Happy baby. I'm a happy baby right now. Good?

I'm going to take a shower and go to the beach. Well, I perhaps at the top of the episode, but we will be doing new merch soon. So guys, get the stuff while you can. We've really, really cool, amazing stuff. But Ashley and I and Bella are designing new stuff. So get some stuff while you can. And a little of new merch items coming out soon. Yes.

And guys, we still have a few tickets left. I'm looking right now. There are a few left in St. Louis. There are tickets left in Kansas City. There are a handful left to Indianapolis. Pittsburgh, I think. is sold out. But I mean, check closer. We sometimes release some closer to the date. There are tickets in Detroit and Toronto very close to selling out as well, but there are still

a few left. So St. Louis, Kansas City, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Detroit, Toronto. We will see you soon. Grab those tickets and we can't wait to see you or plan everything out. These are going to be so great. Yes. Remind me of DM I need to send. Regarding the dancers for, you know, I need to send. An email I need to send. Am I good? Oh, for one of the, you guys, I'm so excited. Yeah, it's going to be great. Okay. All right. That's a day. want to take us out? Yes. You can get everything you need. March, of course, and tickets at Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. You can follow us on Instagram at Girls GottoEat Podcast. I am Ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok. Rain is Rainj at Greenberg and we are Girls underscore Gotto Eat on Twitter.

And we will see you next week. That's it. Have a good week, guys. Bye.