Girls Gotta Eat - When Should You Give It Up?

Episode Date: April 9, 2018

We'd been getting a lot of listener questions about when to sleep with a guy, so here you go, ladies! We cover this topic + what to do physically with a guy before you move into sex territory, and also when to NEVER sleep with him. We also catch up on life things including doctors, diets, and DMs. Follow Girls Gotta Eat on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast. And check out our sponsor for this episode (+ get a discount) at ShakerAndSpoon.com/GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm amazed that you're like this Jedi ninja of making people go down on you and then not reciprocating at all. I know. But like how many girls have given a blowjob to a guy and they took a nap right after and nobody like nobody thinks that's so crazy. Thank you. Hi guys. Welcome back to the newest episode of Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. I'm so excited. I was in a funk earlier this week.

But I'm back. I'm not happy all the time. Okay. Let me explain the funk. I came over here yesterday at 4 o'clock. to record, like, all gung-ho and excited. And by, like, 8.30, we realized we weren't going to record this podcast because Ashley was kind of in a funk.

Well, first of all, we had a technical difficulty, which added to the funk. But then I was like, I can't do this. I'm just not at the right head space. We just have to go drink and eat. You were on a cleanse. We ate, like, 8,000 calories apiece. I love that about you, that you're not one of those, like, asshole people that are on a diet.

Like, you'll always break your diet. Let's be honest. I'm always on a diet. The thing you don't stand about me is that I started juice cleanse. Every morning. I'm just off it by like 10 a.m. Speaking of positive reviews, you got one in your DMs, Raina. A couple weeks ago, I put out a call because I've been sick this entire winter,

which I'm pretty sure means something very terrible is wrong with me, and nobody should ever sleep with me again. Oh, my God, stop. I know. I think something's really wrong with me. I hope it's not airborne. We're like face to face right now. I've been sick for like four months, but I'm fine now.

Anyways, a couple weeks ago I put out a call and I said if there are any single male doctors that are listeners, I'd love to be treated. And sure enough, one of them slid into my DMs. And just to make it even more perfect, he's the perfect, ripe age of 27. 27 is the perfect age. All I want is a 27-year-old professional guy. It's the perfect age. And I told my mom about it, the third host of this podcast, she's like, Raina, make sure you do your research and make sure that he's safe. And I was like, mom, he's a single male doctor. I don't care. he's a serial killer. But also, we have his social media handle so, like, we can ruin his life if we want to.

You know, like, you can't put your social handles out there, slide into our DMs, and then, like, expect that you do something terrible to us. Drag you so hard. Okay, read the DM. He was really funny. And he's been using a lot of, like, doctor banter. I'm actually not sure if I just have an appointment with him. Wait, it's a date with a doctor just called an appointment.

Like, quote, unquote, appointment. My gynecological appointment. Well, read. The DM that he slid in with. He slid in with, just heard the latest episode of Girls Got to Eat, which, by the way, if you are willing to listen to Girls Got to Eat and then want to ask me out, like, you are, no, here's a deal. If you listen to this podcast and you still want to date me, like, we're, that's it.

We're getting married. I'm trying to get engaged this year anyway. Right. Your threshold for what you will tolerate is so, so, so high. And like, you know the real us, you know what I mean? I was re-listening to the episode this morning that he listened to before he messaged me. and like he listened to you, Tagua,

about I had to lube up somebody's ankles to get their pants off. And he's like, I gotta get it on that. He was like, I have to date this girl. Okay, here.

Just heard the latest episode of Girls Got to eat and your call for straight male doctors. I am straight male a doctor, 27. I'm like masturbating to this already. And totally down for the dog filter stunt would be happy to treat you anytime.

Okay, let's circle back. So the dog filter stunt is something that I created and it is that, someone is doing you from the back, doggy style, and then you both open Snapchat, or you open Snapchat, and then you both get into the dog filter. So you're literally both wearing the dog filter while fucking doggy style. That is, it's a, that's my dream couple of them. It is my dream. The fact that that guy, basically, like, if a guy slid into one of our DMs and was like, can I fuck you from behind, we would be like, no, but we're going to put this on the internet

and ruin your life. That's so rude. But this guy was so smooth about it. Like, that's what he did that. He slid into your DMs. I was like, I love to fuck you from behind. And we're like, cutie. Date him, marry him. This is like a couple goals. Seriously, if I'm like, baby, hold off for one. Don't bust, okay? I need to pull up the dog filter for Ashley.

And like, we don't use Snapchat. We're like, I can't find it. It's like on the third page of your iPhone. Least used apps. The filter is money, though. We go to therapy. And the therapist is like, what is your biggest problem in your relationship? And he's like, Ashley.

He's like, I got to say, it's that Rayno won't put her phone away when we're fucking. I'm trying to get content for the podcast. So then he made a bunch of doctor-based jokes. So I really am not completely sure if I just have an appointment with him or not. He asked me for a drink, and I said, like, will that cure it? And he said, it can, but only if administered in the right company. Oh, my God.

First of all, I love puns. So I'm wet. But I also need a doctor's note for something. I thought you come on the date. I'm like, Ashley's dropping me off. If you want me to stay, just sign this piece of paper for, okay. It's a consent form. I like got this flight that I didn't take, but I bought the trip insurance,

so I need a fake doctor's note. So I'm just going to show up with a pen and be like, hey, if you don't mind. Tell him to bring his legal pad. He's like a script pad. Yeah, or whatever, yeah. I'm going to need that. I want you to have that. And I feel like, I feel like I feel like I'm,

owe this to you for coming to Paris with me. Yes. If I get the money back from the flight, we'll just go on and spend it. We'll go somewhere we enjoy. Yeah. We'll have some French food in New York where they do it right. Well, we left off with him saying, would you care to schedule an appointment next week? This is so sexy to me. I love like funny, humor, banter. That's what get really gets me going. He might just be trying to get like a, like somebody for his practice or something. Like, I'm just like a patient. That's fine. I don't have health insurance right now. Like if he could treat us for free, if we have a go-to doctor for free, we'd way better than having a date. Yeah. He's going to like the wayland and I'm going to be like,

nope, I will meet you at your office. Ashley and I will be there. You're like, you know what? Ashley actually needs her annual. So we're just going to, he's like, ladies, I'm not a gynecologist. We're like, you're figured out. It's all the same, right? He'll be like, how's 9 p.m.? I'll be like, how's 9 a.m. Because you've got to weigh me. I want to be skinny in the morning. I just love that I know that he's listen to this. You know what I mean? Like right now. Okay, so let's get into today. I'm so excited. Before we get in today, do you have any updates from your week that you want to talk about? Oh, right. My life. I don't know. I feel like people that have been keeping up know that I was hanging out with that 24-year-old. It's still, I mean, we still are in contact. I just haven't seen him.

You know, we were traveling, then he was traveling. So yeah, he's still around. I don't know. That was a, I think he might come up later in the topic that we're addressing today. But I think, I mean, I went into this very like casual fling. I'll be honest. I hope he's not listening. And I think that'll come up today too because we are talking about when to sleep with someone. Yes. I'm so excited.

We're really excited about this. This was inspired by several of your emails. A bunch of you have written in and asked, you know, when do I sleep with somebody? Is it bad to sleep with somebody on a first date? I can read one of these emails and pull them up. But we're super excited when you guys inspire our topics because we do this for you. So we want you to find it exciting and engaging. So we are super excited to do this.

The main email that this came from was somebody saying, I want to know, sleeping with a guy on a first date, what it means for the longevity of a relationship. Is a one night stand bad? Do I sleep with him? Then he's a dick. And then what do I do? Do you have to make it clear?

that you want to see your relationship, all these things, and I think it'll be really fun to address them. Yeah. I want to address today. I want to really kind of hone in on sleeping with somebody that you think you might want to date. Not, not if, I mean, if you just meet a guy and you're out with him and you're like, eh, I'm not really into this guy, but I could fuck him, fucking fuck him. That's my favorite sentence I've ever said. That's different, you know, because it's like, do whatever you fucking want. Who cares? You know, and I feel like, I hate to say it, but that's a little bit how I felt with this 24-year-old where I was like, I don't think this is going to be a long-term thing. I kind of see

this as a fling. I like, I like this guy's cool to hang out with. So I'm like, you know, I didn't have sex with him after the first date just because I was on my period. Like, after the second date, I was like, yeah, we'll see what this is about. And I was like, if I'd ever hear from him again, it's not like I'm going to be heartbroken. You know, like, I would think he's a dick. But I wouldn't be like, oh, my God. So it was kind of like, if that's how you feel about somebody where you really deep down or like, I could kind of take it or leave it, you can fuck them whenever you want. So let me, let me name what you just, what you just said. Let me name what that is.

And I think that what I wrote, you know, Ashley and I like really plan these episodes and we're going to talk about and I wrote down on my notes to stay at the top of my notes to define your expectations. Yes. And I think that that's exactly what you did. And you walked into the situation with a very clear perception of like, I don't need to date this person. I don't need to be in a long-term relationship. And so whatever happens happens. And like, I think that that is what we'll talk about today and what your expectations are and then what you should do. Right. I don't think at all that there is some set answer. You sleep with the guy after this date or this date. Like a relationship's move at all different paces. Everybody's different. Everybody operates differently. Everybody's feelings and emotions are differently. I think this is my take on it is when you feel comfortable and confident in a relationship and you have defined what you want out of it. Yeah, I agree.

Well, let me back up. Let me get scientific really quick on you. What happens when a girl and a guy have sex? The chemical that a girl's brain releases is oxytocin. So that makes you feel feelings of love and trust. Holy shit. You really did some research. Oh, my God.

I had known this before. I knew that when a male and a female have sex, what happens mentally is different. And for a guy, it's dopamine. So it's just that immediate, like, you know, drug feeling. We don't know what dopamine is. But for women, it's a whole other thing that gets a chemical that gets released in your brain that makes you trust somebody that maybe you shouldn't or maybe you wouldn't. So you feel closer to someone after you have sex with them.

You just do. I mean, any book you read, it's like when women have intercourse sex with a guy, they feel differently about him. So always keep that in mind. You know how you are after you have sex with somebody. We're all, most of us are about like that. Most of us, even if it's the guy, we're kind of ify on. If you have sex, you just feel a little closer to them.

They've been inside of you. Yeah, but you should. You should. Of course you should. That's the thing. It's unique. Right. So know that you're going to feel like that about somebody and prepare yourself.

And if you don't feel comfortable and confident in this person, don't have sex with them yet. You know, like get to a place where you feel like they like you or they want to date you. If you want to be in an exclusive sexual relationship, talk about that. Like, don't you. just like fuck some guy and then realize they feel totally differently about you, you know? Right. I think that you said this before, but there is no set recipe for this, right? So there's no one way of doing it.

Sleeping with somebody doesn't mean they'll never talk to you again. And not sleeping with somebody doesn't mean that they will talk to you again. And there's no way to like trick a man into wanting to date you. And I think a lot of our listeners have written us and said, you know, I go out with a lot of guys and every single one of them says, I'm not looking for something serious. how do I change their mind? And there is no, again, like, rate recipe for this,

but my advice to all these people is it can never hurt to wait. Like, if chemistry is chemistry and chemistry will be there on the second date if it was there on the first date. And nobody that likes your company is going to never talk to you again if you don't sleep with them on a first date.

And if they don't call you because you didn't sleep with them, it's probably because they just didn't like you that much. And just, ew, gross. You know, that's the thing. too. Like I, well, first of all, I think that if you want a relationship with somebody, you know you like this, talking to the ladies, you know you like this guy, you see yourself dating him, having a relationship with him, whatever. And he's telling you he doesn't want anything serious. You better hold off on the sex or find someone else to fuck because that is going to fuck you up so

badly. Like, every once in a while, guys change. They're like, you know what, I'm actually falling for this girl. But it doesn't happen when you just sleep with them right away. Like, if a guy is telling you he doesn't want anything serious and you're like fuck that sucks like i really like this guy do not fuck him right like that's a worst thing you can do you might be able to hold off and kind of lure this guy in in other ways while he his end goal is to you know i just i don't know this happened a friend of mine it was it was a bummer she was hanging out with this guy and he kind of they really connected they really seemed to like each other and get along i liked him and he kind hit her with that. I'm just not in, you know, looking for a relationship right now. I think he had some

ex baggage. And they hooked up once. They didn't have sex, but a very strong chemistry, like, where she was like, God, I mean, I would love to have sex this guy. I bet it's going to be amazing. I'm like, oh my God, if you had sex with that guy, this would be so much worse. You would be so much more upset. Oh my God. Yes. If you share that experience with a person, but I think it's interesting, and we hear this a lot from people, and I feel like I don't remember we talked about this on the podcast or we were talking about us in Miami on our own, but a lot of men are pretty upfront with a lot of women and say, I'm not looking for a long-term relationship. And I think what a lot of women here is, except maybe with you, and then in their minds, women are like, challenge accepted. Right. And that is not a good way to watch in the situation. I don't, I don't, I totally agree. And I think that a lot of, look, most men do not wake up in the morning and think, think I am dying for a serious relationship. I want to only sleep with one person and listen to you nag me for a while. Most men don't wake up. Some do. I mean, companionship is great, but I think not every man wakes up and thinks that. So if somebody says to you, I'm not looking for this,

that doesn't mean you can't keep hanging out with them and change their mind and let somebody get to know you and have more of a connection to you and then let them sleep with you. Right. And I mean, and that's my thing. I think it all boils down to really, assessing this situation and how you feel about it and how you think this guy feels about you. Let me give you some examples of what happens when a guy likes you. He texts you back in a timely manner. He seems to have an interest in your life. He's invested in what you have going on.

He's not just like, it's not that kind of thing where he is and what he's doing all the time. He is somewhat affectionate. Like these are things that you, hopefully all you ladies, out there. I hope that you have dated a person that really, like, cherished you and appreciated you. And if sex is meaningful to you and you want a relationship with somebody, just don't sleep with them until you feel those things. Like, why? If you just want sex, go get sex. But if you really like somebody and you want to have a relationship with them and you're wondering when you should

have sex with them, it could be after the second or third date. But I think it should be when you feel like this person's in me. This person likes me. I feel comfortable with them. I feel as though I can trust them, I'm ready to sleep with them. Right. And again, like we said, no guarantee, but of course. We always can get totally heartbroken and shut on at the end of the day. It's always a risk. It's interesting you said, like, one of the signs that a guy actually likes to, I've actually had to say to two girlfriends this week, I've been telling me about, like, the things they've been getting from guys that date them. I've actually to say to them, he's doing things to prove to you that he doesn't like you. Right. We can't say this enough.

Have you read he's just something into you. R reread it. It's been a while. Right. Pick it up. It's very straightforward. Like, if it's not a way you would treat another person that you like, it's probably, like, if you say to a guy, I have this really great meeting at work today and they say, that's really nice.

And they don't ask you, like, what you're talking about. They're doing something to indicate to that they don't care. Right. Yes. It should feel like a reciprocal relationship that you're interested in each other that this person wants to spend time with you. You shouldn't just feel like one of many. know, like, I don't know. And I think there are guys that just want to sleep with whoever. They

just want to get laid. They wake up in the morning and they think they want to get laid. And I think that if you are feeling like a guy who's really pressuring you for sex, I think it's a huge red flag. I think that a confident guy that's had plenty of sex in his life that's mature, like doesn't need to pressure a girl into sex. Like, we were talking with a friend of ours and he has had sex with a ton of women. And he has had sex with a ton of women. And he, he, with his now girlfriend, they just didn't have sex for like six weeks in. They were fully dating.

He was like, I don't care. I've had plenty of sex. Like, I can control my fucking dick, you know? Like, if you feel like you're in an intimate situation with a guy and he's, like, pressuring you and giving you some just-the-tip bullshit, and he's talking about blue balls, get the fuck out of it. That's like an immature child. Men will wait.

No, but they should be able to. Right. If you have a guy that has given you some bullshit about, like, now you like got me all around and fuck off like don't date those guys what are they in fucking middle school like any guy should be able to wait for sex like again I'm talking talking a few dates I'm talking maybe a month what it may be I'm not if you if you're I don't think we're addressing the people that are waiting for marriage or waiting for a long time I don't know how to speak to those people like if you're like I don't have a guy I don't have sex of the guy until we've been

dating for six months I don't know I'd be annoyed if I were the guy too, so we're not talking to you. You can just try this podcast off now. I'm kind of a girl. I also, I feel like we've been sort of like, not sex negative, but like I do want to just throw in there that like I certainly have had sex with people after a first date or people I've

met in bars and like it's been an enjoyable experience and I've had fun and like if you walk into something, you know, as a female and you're like, you know what, I want to get laid and you're not doing it for some kind of self-validation. Like, do that. Do it. Oh, God.

Totally. You feel like sleeping with somebody, sleep with somebody and own it. Just don't do it for some. Don't do it to make somebody like you or to make somebody date you. I want to talk about control and controlling yourself and your emotions and when it comes to sex. One, just like literally control.

Like if you really like somebody and you're worried, you might be pressured or feel like you need to sleep with them in the first date. Don't get wasted for one. Like keep control yourself. I think that. Can I ask you something about that? You go on a first date with somebody. And it's really fun.

You're at like a bar and you go to dinner, maybe you go to another bar. I have these dates all the time. These kind of dates that run for like six, seven hours. How do you not get that drunk? Like, do you have like a rule for yourself? Um, I don't know. I think I, I've been drinking for so, so many years. I guess I would just not get wasted, like drink a little slower.

I mean, I don't want to black out on a first date. You know, I don't want to be totally out of control of myself. And like, if it's a matter of like, oh, maybe it's time to go home, that it's time to go home, you know. Yeah. And I think kind of knowing what you're tell yourself at the beginning of the night, you're not going to sleep with this guy. Two, when I talk about control, I think we want to talk about how you act after you sleep with somebody. Because like I mentioned, this, when a woman sleeps with a guy, it releases this chemical that like makes you kind of like trust somebody and lower your inhibitions.

And women can tend to get a little crazy. And so that's why I think you should really kind of like, not act like that, you know, like just chill out, you know, because you have a tendency to be like, oh my God, this person and I are in love now. And the guy's like, no, man, I just like, like got off, whatever. And if he doesn't call you right away the next morning, I don't know. Like, I think that too. That's why I really think you should like trust somebody and really feel that they like you before you sleep with them if you know that's going to happen to you the next day where you get like weird in your head where you're like, oh my God, I slept with this person and now I feel really close to them and I don't know how to handle it. Like pull it together.

Right. And it doesn't mean, again, we said this if you sleep with somebody in the first, it doesn't mean it can't turn into a relationship. It's kind of how you act, I think. I had it happen that I slept with somebody. We joke that it was like two hours. after we met each other, but it was like, like four. And we were in a very long-term, serious relationship after that. Well, you probably played it fucking cool. And that's the thing. Like, I just slept with this guy, the guy that I've been hanging out with. And I just, like, was still, like, the cool chick you just fucked last night. You know, like, I wasn't like, so, hey, so what are we? We just

kept on moving on and, like, having, you know, we'd had more sex. Like, I think you managed your expectations, and that's the difference than me with this guy, too. I slept with this guy. I had just broken up with somebody. I'll just tell this. I mean, I'd broken up with somebody on a Thursday. And Friday night, a friend of mine was like, I have this friend that's coming into town. And do you want to come up and meet us for dinner?

And I said no. And then he said, Jewish, Italian lawyer. And I just... You're like, you know what? My panties actually just dropped on their own. It's so crazy. I'm actually at the restaurant. That's so funny that that just happened.

Okay. And so I went and then we went out to another bar. We went out dancing and I went home with him. And I remember, he used to make fun of me so bad about this that I kept being like, I'm not going to sleep with you. And he was like, you're the one that's naked. I'm not making you sleep with me. Like, I'm not naked.

We don't have to sleep together. And, you know, the next day, well, obviously we woke up and had sex again in the morning. Yeah, of course. If you're there, I'm not going to not have sex with you in the morning. Yeah. If you're there. My clothing's already hard. It's like, what am I supposed to do?

The battle is over. Anyways, I did not have any expectations of this person. I didn't care if I necessarily heard from him again. I certainly did not think we would be in a long-term relationship. And, like, I heard from him later that day. And, you know, casual, flirty texting ensued over, like, a few weeks. And we ended up having, like, a long-term serious relationship for a year. And the point is, I had no expectations about this.

Right. So I wouldn't have been let down or disappointed or clingy. And I think that, you know, Ashley and I were talking about this last night. dinner. I wish I could like manufacture not caring about something. The way you act when you don't really care. Because you are in total control of the situation. The person who cares less has the control in any situation. So when you don't have any expectations and you don't care, it's take it or leave it, you're just, you're kind of sexier because you don't give a fuck. And guys are all about the chase. Let's be, let's be real. So they can pick up on that. They're like, wait a minute,

this chick is like, I just fucked her. Like, why isn't she at my front door? You know, Like, if you have sex with the guy and then you're like, whatever, you're the one that's a little bit standoffish. Oh my God, they go fucking insane. Right. Like, I didn't. Like, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Why isn't she like all over me? Don't you wish you could just like manufacture that feeling people you like? It's like, yes. It's, uh, that's the goal. It is the goal. You could just act the way you act when you're like so-so on a guy with a guy you really like, you know, we'd all be fucking married out here. Psychologically, everybody wants what they can't have.

Right. I'm not super attracted to a dude that's beating down my door either, you know? Right. But like, I don't know. I remember he would like send me photos of things that I wouldn't respond for like five hours. And that's not because I was trying to not respond. I just didn't care. I know.

I know. So yeah, I think we're about to delve into something else. And this is kind of what you do physically in that in between stage while you, you know, are being physical, but you haven't had sex yet. But I just think I need to, I want to conclude this part of like, figure out your expectations for real. for real. Is this somebody you want to date? Is this someone you see a relationship with? Do you think that they feel the same way?

If you don't, I don't recommend sleeping with them. I don't either. Because honestly, in every situation like that, I've felt bad. You feel bad about yourself. You do. When somebody doesn't like you and reciprocate it, when you have also allowed them to, like, be inside of you. Like, take a little piece of you.

It feels, I mean, I don't know, maybe not everybody feels like that, but it makes me feel really shitty. It does. Again, it's like the way that we are wired. And so again, you can be in a great place with somebody after a couple dates. You totally can, you know, and sleep with them. And the chemistry's there and you're super into each other. And, you know, on the other hand, if it's somebody that you don't think you're that into

and you just want to fuck, buddy, then do that too. Yeah. Chemistry is chemistry. And there's people you meet and you're like, I have to have sex with this person right now. But then don't expect anything. And so I think that, you know, people want to, they want this answer and there is no answer. Like there is someone you could be in love with somebody after the third date and you could barely know anything about that. So I think you got to take this on your own and really

self-reflect on where your relationship stands and what that means for when you have sex to somebody. Well, you brought up something interesting a couple seconds ago, which is like, what do you do? So you go on a first date with somebody and like, what kind of things can you do sexually that isn't sex before you have sex? I don't know what those things are. I know. I fail. It is always, right. And here's the thing. It's like, well, we're making out. and now what? And sometimes you, sometimes women have sex with guys because of that and that alone, where they're like, I didn't really know what else to do. And then they end up regretting it. And I think you need to be safe at all times, ladies, and like get yourself out of situations that

don't feel safe to you. I do want to say, a guy that, like, can't make out with you and can't kind of roll around with you and heavy petting and all that kind of stuff without really pressuring you to have sex is like not a good guy. Like, that's not. a guy you want to date. Like any guy that's worthy of your time and is like a good, decent guy, like is cool with just doing whatever, not forever. But you know what I mean? Like I think, I think girls feel pressure and I, you shouldn't feel like that. I've never felt like that with a guy that I've really dated. I felt like they're happy to be making out with me with the hard dick, you know, like they aren't expecting to sleep with me on the first night. I think there's a lot of gray area.

You know, I think that like when you're in a bed with somebody and you're rolling around and like they're dry humping you and like, I think it's normal to sort of as a female to be like, I don't know, like, what's the difference at this point if we had sex maybe? And as a guy to like, keep pushing a little bit and pushing and, you know, I don't recommend getting into the bed with somebody. Well, I don't know. Let me back up. I mean, it just depends on the guy and the girl. Like, but if you're like, I don't want to sleep with this person yet, don't, don't get in their bed, you know, unless you kind of already gotten a feel that they're, wanting to take it slow too, which is which that was kind of my past relationship that we were, we just took it slower. We spent the night together many nights before we had sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and he was just a good guy. He kind of wanted to take it slow too. I don't think he slept with a lot of people. And yeah, it was an interesting situation where we were really physical and we just didn't have sex and we were having full-blown sleepovers. So if that's happening, great, that's a good guy. That's a keeper. We ended up having a great sex life. I was listening to another podcast, a comedian named Jared Freed that we both really like his take on a lot of things. And he said something that really

opened my eyes. And he was like, if you go out with a guy, a girl goes out with a guy first date, second date, and they just have like a steamy hot makeout in the couch or whatever. He's like, that's cool. That gives me something to think about the next day and like jerk off to. You know, like that gives me like a hot scene in my mind like that makes me look forward to like wanting to do more. And that's fine. And I was like, I love to hear that. Like ladies don't feel like if you start making out with a guy and he's like got his hand up your shirt or whatever like you need to have sex with them like there's never a point of no return yeah there isn't like i don't i wouldn't get naked in a bed i wouldn't you can still always get out of there you should be able to geez but like don't

put yourself in that situation you can do you can grind up on each other and you can touch each other and you can do all these things and not have sex and that's fine always leave them wanting more sounds cheesy, but like, why not? Like, honestly, sometimes when I, like, at the beginning of the relationship, like, when I fantasize about sleeping with somebody, like, that's some of, like, the best fantasies you can have. Like, what is it going to be like? Oh, my God. Like, when you make out with somebody, it's so hard and it's, like, so fucking hot. And you just know that, like, the sex is going to be so good.

But you haven't done it yet. Like, that anticipation is crazy. Yes. And you can do that. Like, that's where I just want to, like, scream to women. Like, you can have a really sex. see hot makeout with a guy as an adult as someone in your 20s, 30s, and that is okay. And it was so, I was so glad to hear Jared Freed say that, you know, where he was like,

that's awesome. I'm thinking about that the whole next day. Like, I can't wait to sleep with this person. He was like, even if that happened on the second date, I'd be okay with it, you know? And I just loved hearing a guy say that because I don't know. I hate this whole thing of like, don't go back to a guy's place. A few tips that I would give if you're trying to avoid a sex thing. If you're going to go back to someone's place, make it his because if you have the options,

so then he's not at your place and won't leave. And keep it out of the bedroom. I don't know if you have a studio, but keep it on the couch. Like keep it whatever, bumping up against the walls, you know, like a kitchen counter or whatever. Like don't, if you're really like, I don't want to have sexist person, I don't even want to get put in that situation. Don't get naked in their bed. I mean, for me, just to play like devil's advocate, like, I don't really want to go to

somebody's apartment until I'm ready to have sex. Sure, sure. just don't. Like, I know what I'm like when I'm drinking. And I know like that my, like, every human being on earth, your moral compass is a little bit more loosely focused. And you start making out, it feels good. And like you're asking me as a part of it.

Maybe that just makes me a slut. I don't know. But like, until I'm ready to do those things, like, I prefer to not go to somebody's apartment because I just, it's, I don't know, it's just not for me. It's late at night you're drinking. Like one thing leads to another. And then, you know, you're just doing what feels good. and like all of a sudden you had sex with somebody like you're not ready to have sex with.

That's just, that is an individualistic thing. Like everybody is different. Personally, I would rather like keep them making out to like a bar or like, you know, you take a walk or something and, you know,

you make out in doorways in New York City like I just walk. But it's not for me. Yeah. And I think people also get all caught up in like the bases and like this progression. I have definitely gone from like hot steamy make out to the sex. Like I don't, I think blowjobs are for boyfriends. I don't think I've ever given a guy blowjob that I hadn't already had sex with that I wasn't

like dating. Me either. I don't. No one wants a hand job. So, I mean, you can be like, let's just give an example. First, second time you guys are physical. You can be making out rolling around hot, sexy, he's hard. You know, you can figure out what's going on down there.

Maybe his hands are like up your shirt. Whatever. I'm like, I'm just being pornographic. And then the next time when you're ready to have sex with them, you can have sex with them. You don't have to be like, well, we've only made out. It's like, it's fine. That those bases are kind of like out the window at this point. Anybody care about those things?

I don't know. I feel like some people think it's weird that, like, you go from, like, a hot makeout to, like, full penetration. Like, it's not really weird. I remember there was an article in New York Magazine when I was, like, in high school maybe. And my mom read it. And I remember it was about hookup culture.

And I remember her saying to me, like, you mean to tell me that girls put boys' genitals in their mouth before they'll have sex with them? Like, I'm not. The phrase genitals in their mouth has stuck with me for so many years that I just, it scarred me forever. Like, I would never put somebody's penis in my mouth that I wasn't like in a, it sounds to be a long-term serious committed relationship. But like, if I'm not fucking you, I'm definitely not putting your body parts in my mouth. God, no, God, no.

And like any guy that, like, is trying to ask for a blow job or like pressure. Get the fuck out there. Ew. Has anybody ever asked you? I had one situation with a guy not too long ago, kind of like a friends with benefits situation. And I think he was kind of being funny, but was alluding to like me sucking his dick.

And I was like, okay, yeah, right. Like, you can go down to me if you want. And he did. And I think then he thought I would return the favor or we'd have sex. And I was like, okay, good night. I'm amazed that you're like this Jedi ninja of making people go down on you.

and then not reciprocating at all. I know. But, like, how many girls have given a blowjob to a guy and they took a nap right after? And nobody, like, nobody thinks that's so crazy. A situation like that, I didn't care about that guy to date him. So I was not scared to tell him the second he walked in the door of my apartment, I'm not having sex with you, just so you know.

And girls are scared to say that, and they think it sounds, like, I don't know, it's unsexy or makes them seem, like, prudish. I don't know why. You can say that. Just say it. What's a different? And then I think a guy, it takes the pressure off him. Like, then he's like, okay, well, cool.

Like, if he leaves, fuck that guy forever. Right. And you already know this is not a nice person. I would like to think that if a guy comes into your, comes through the door of your home and is like, he's like, okay, well, I'm trying to get late obviously. Who, you know, of course I am. You know, I got to read the situation. I got to read her cues, all these things. Like, if you're just like, hey, by the way, we're not fucking.

I almost think it might take a little pressure off them. They're like, oh, okay, cool. So we'll do this, whatever. and then next time. You know what I mean? I don't have any problem saying that at all. I don't either. I can say it.

I don't think it's funny. Like, if you can be comfortable and just be like... Say it flirty. Give them a little touch on the arm. Not fucking you. But I'll touch your dick. I'll call Ashley and have Ashley say it to somebody for me. Okay, I want to talk about something.

Let's talk about what sex is like on a first date. You don't... You don't really know this person. You have been drinking. You've been out pretty much all night. You end up in somebody else's bed half of the time. You're ready for an apartment with a person. You don't really know.

Are you going to enjoy that? No, no. I mean, I've had some good, good. I'm not going to say great. I've had some good drunk one-night stand sex because you're like loose inhibitions and stuff like that. With me, I think sex is always better when I'm really like when I like somebody. You know, like I've had sex with guys that are just really good at sex and they're really, good at dirty talk and all the things that I like.

And I'm not in love with them, but I'm like, that's some great sex. But for the most part, I mean, the best sex in my life is, like, with someone I was in love with, you know? Well, I think it's fun when you can, like, talk about what you like and, like, what you don't like and, like, how to pleasure somebody. Like, I, tell me, talk to your girlfriend through a blowjob and explain to her exactly what you like. Tell me, that wasn't the hottest experience you've ever had, okay?

I just think that, like, when you can actually talk about exactly what you like, I think it's so hot. I mean, obviously it takes a while to get to that point. But sex on a first date, when I was telling you about sleeping with this guy in London last week, and you were like, this sounds like the most awkward experience. It ever had. It was, I mean, again, my expectation of this person was just like, I just wanted somebody to whisper in my ear, you're a dirty slut in a British accent.

A 24-year-old, yeah. You were just like, I got to crot this off the list. And you were, and you were saving the 24-year-old. Yeah, so I had to. Match. But, like, you even said it. You were like, this sounds like the most unsexy sexual experience. And like, because it is.

Like, you're drunk and you're fumbling around. You don't know this person. Like, as a female, are you going to enjoy this? No. No. I mean, and it's funny on my most serious ex, like, I remember the first time we had sex, it was real awkward. I wouldn't say it was good.

I would say it was bad. And then the next weekend, it was like mind-blowing amazing sex. I don't know. We just get over the hump for pun intended. It was just, you know, like the first time we used a condom. because whatever. And then I'm like, we're not sleeping with anybody else. Fuck this.

No one wants to use a fucking condom. What's a condom? I know for poor people. No. Promote safe sacks. I think it's really important. Yeah, pull out. Birth control.

I have someone come in your stomach. That's my safe sex. I literally know hundreds of pull out babies. No. I just pull out. It's 99% effective. And to look down there for herpes for sure. Well, like, why you're going down.

Get your phone flashlight out and really inspect that shit. I'm like texting Ashley. like FaceTiming or while. You're like, does this? You need to text the doctor. Does this look like a herpes operating? Oh, we should end it on herpes and iPhone flashlights. What do you think?

I've said all I have to say about this. Okay, so every week we do a game at the end of the episode. This week we thought we would change it up a bit. Yes. We decided to give each other old school magazine quizzes. So I found one for. Raina from 17 magazine in 2010. So excited.

Cheers. We have our shaker and spoon cocktails. That was loud. I'm going to give her this quiz. The title of quiz is, How will you find love? That's so sad. How will I find love?

That is 17. Let's remember we're talking about 17 year old. Okay, ready? Question one. Your friend wants to set you up with a new guy in but you want to learn more about him. How do you investigate? A, my space stalk him.

Oh, my God. B, get the details from your friends. C. Figure out his class schedule. Oh, my God. I just love him stalking our whole lives. Yeah, but I wasn't as much as like a sniper when I was like 17. There's like no way.

I mean, there wasn't the internet the way it was today. I mean, is there a D is all of the above like an option? Because I feel like there's no way I would just choose one route. Okay, for the purpose of the quiz, I'm saying, I'm saying ask my friends. Okay, I get the deals with your friends. Okay. You are totally crushing on the senior class president, but you have never spoken to him. How do you initiate the conversation?

A, accidentally bump into him. B. Say hi on AIM. Oh, my God. C, get your friend to ask him out for you. Okay, we're going to lie into those. AIMs. Like, A, physically assault him in the hallway.

I feel like that's the way to go. Okay. What guy doesn't like it when you, like, accidentally pummel them? Right. Okay. You look down at your watch and were surprised that two hours passed while you were, A, chatting online, B, talking on the phone. You're right.

C, people watching in the food court. What is a phone? Right. People watching in the phone. Food court. Just not like chowling down on that chick-fil-A. Well, I grew up in Pittsburgh, so C, chow-down down in the food court. This next one is so good.

After-school, you, A, check your email in MySpace, B, go to the mall, C, head to softball practice. I don't know if you're a lesbian. I used to judge your school is I would go home after-school. Here's my after-school snack. Oh, my guys, I'm going to gag just say this story. I used to take Wonderbread, white Wonderbread, and cover it in margarine. Ew! It gets worse.

I would put it in the microwave and nuke it until it was basically melting. You're a food influencer. This is, your career is over. Sick. I torpedoed my own career. Oh, my God. What are you doing? Checking your Myspace.

Go to the mall. Going to softball practice. I honestly like making disgusting concoctions. I was probably. I'm probably drinking 40s at my mom's house waiting for her to come home. You go to the mall probably, right? What was A? MySpace email.

I probably go to the mall. Okay. Because I'm at the food court, so I'm at the mall. What is your love life mantra? A, things happen when least expected, B, shoot for the moon. C, what will be, will be. I'm going, what will be, A. Okay.

I'm not like an active participant in my life. I just sort of lay back and let things happen to me. Okay. Are you ready for your results? Ice cream. Okay, get ready. Am I going to be people at the mall? You'll be a set up, sweetie.

Three can be a crowd, but not if it's your friend trying to set you up with someone. You need a middleman, aka Cupid, to make it happen. Next time your friend says, I know someone who is perfect for you, she may be right. I'm super insulted by this. You need a middleman. Like, you can't get a man on your own. That's not me. 17 misjudge me.

Like, oh, like, I can't, like, go out and meet a man on my own. Is there a person I can email about this? This is completely misdiagnosed. I'm going to share the results. I'm going to share the results on Facebook. This is from like 10 years ago. You can still do that? The Facebook status will say,

when it comes to finding love, I'm a set up, sweetie. Take this quiz to find out how you'll meet a great guy. I just want to pose this with no context. Like you're a pedophile, like out here, like taking 17 quizzes for 10 years ago. All right, that was fun. I hope someone sets you up.

Next week, it is your turn. I hope somebody finds a really old hilarious quiz that they can send us. Yes, feel free to, like, dip into your old Cosmosnash and send old quizzes our way. You said, Cosmo Snatch. Cosmo Stash. Reach into that Cosmo Snatch, ladies. Full out a quiz. All right, guys.

That wraps up this week's episode. I'm going to put a call out to our listeners to please send us your funniest dating and relationship stories and questions. Yes. And we want to start doing some callers. So if you feel comfortable even being on the podcast, feel free to mention that in a DM or in an email. And we might hit you up to get you on the podcast to share some of these wild stories. As always, leave us ratings, reviews, subscribe on iTunes, catch us on Spotify. We're really loving all you guys listening on Spotify lately too.

Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and Facebook. You can also follow us on Twitter. I don't remember what it is. And as always, or not on Snapchat. Bye, guys. Bye. Have a good week, guys.