Girls Gotta Eat - When, Why, and What Kind of P*rn Are Women Watching?

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

We are diving into the truth about women and porn consumption – how often, what categories, straight vs. gay, if women are watching with their partners, and how to introduce porn into a relationship the right way. We also talk about our personal porn habits, masturbating when you’re single vs. in a relationship, TV shows that are good gateway porn, and we have two intriguing emails to unpack (one that’s a real punch in the gut). Before we get into our topic, Ashley shares the story about her friend passing recently, and we talk about the grief of losing someone too soon. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Perelel: Get 20% off your first order at https://perelelhealth.com/gge. Skims: Shop Skims cotton and all our favorite pieces at https://skims.com/gge. Ladder: Get a free 7-day trial and $10 off your first month at https://ladder.fit/gge. Hungry Root: Get 40% off your first box and free item in every box at https://hungryroot.com/gge with code GGE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We asked people, do you consume porn? How do you feel like your partner consuming porn? Would you watch it with your partner? And this is the largest spectrum I've probably ever seen. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back.

We're together. Wow. Oh. You don't hold hands. Your hands are so much. I just pollution on it. Okay. I was like, you're so clammy.

Okay. Clammy. I am wearing your cheap garbage ring. Yeah. So if you know the lore of shitty garb. Is that just cheap garbage? I think it's shitty garbage. I think it's shitty garbage. I can't remember I was laying in bed. Is that just cheap garbage? But this is the ring that that started at all. Yeah, the shitty. I think it's shitty garbage. So if you know, you know. Why can't I think of it? I'm trying to remember. My mom always says that that's why I got it's why my mom always says that's why I think she said, I do say dog shit fucked out of you. I'm like, please stop.

Do you think that doesn't make sense to people? I don't like the image. It just, it's like, it's intense. It's intense. It's aggressive language. Well, I mean, for the point of that joke, I do mean that this guy is just jackhammering the absolute daylights out of me. Not the daylight. I don't know if I like the construction of getting the something fucked out of me.

Like I would just say like I got dick down. But to your point, I know what you mean. Like it wasn't good. I want to illustrate that it was bad. Yeah, it's a negative connotation. Like dog shit. Okay. The way he fucked was like dog shit.

Now he's in jail. All right. You know, I just had this experience in the bathroom and I just like, we're not in offices ever. Like we haven't been like office girlies for a long time. But we're at the Dear Media Studios, which we love in L.A. But you guys have a communal bathroom and I'm not used to it. And it's like somebody designed those bathrooms and was like, how much space can we put around the doors? Like, we want you to shut the door and we want everybody outside the door to be able to look up her pussy.

Oh, you think there's too high of clearance? No, I mean the sides of the doors. Oh, they can look straight in on both sides. Yes. What is going on a dear meeting? Caroline is over here. I'm flanked by people on every side of me peeing. You think you can see through the crack on both sides, big time.

Really? Okay. You should go pee in there. Something to happen also in the bathroom that I know you hate. Somebody pee farted? Oh my God, no. But like, maybe it was me. Ashley, if I ever heard you pee fart, I don't know if we could come back from it.

It's worse than a regular fart. It's so much worse. It feels more embarrassing. No, take the toilet paper and ball it up on your butt hole when you're going to the bathroom. You can't pee fart. No, pee farts are worse because you haven't committed. A real fart, just let it rip, full commitment.

A pee fart is like, you know you didn't see that coming. It was an accident. Yeah. Like, and I know what happens to everybody, but like, you should know to hold your pee fart until somebody turns on the water or flushes a toilet. Okay, so to your point, like, you hate going into a public restroom with somebody. I don't want to, yeah. So we have a new editor with us that joined our team.

And her and I went to the bathroom together. And then as we're walking, I'm like, oh, no, now we have to listen to each other pee. Yeah, I know. And we both just peed. And I try to be really loud. Like, as soon as I walked in, I'm like, I'm kind of her boss. And, like, I just am like, make, like, trying to, you're like, loud in the bathroom. You know, like, you're always trying to be loud.

I'm like, I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. What if she has to pee fart? No, I'm just kidding. But you hate that shit. Somebody who works for us, I don't want them to hear me go to the bathroom. So, like, when I walked into this bathroom, Laura, our other editor was walking out of the bathroom. I didn't even like that. I didn't even, like, having to look each other in the eyes and acknowledge, you just went to the bathroom.

I'm about to go to the bathroom. And we are both people that go to the bathroom. Your media is packed today. It's a high vibe. We were here yesterday. It was a little more low-key. Maybe people were working from home. It was a Monday.

But today, like, everyone is in the office. I feel like everyone is just listening to each other pee and pee fart coming in and out of that bathroom, making eye contact in the hallway. I'm not strong enough to work in an office. This is how I know. I'm not an office person. I just, I can't sit next to a person while they pee. I mean, sometimes I'll do it with you. Yeah.

You are my boss, though. Yeah. Stop. I don't think anybody looks at the two of us and they're like, brain is the boss. No, it is weird. It's be like, I heard my boss pee today. I don't know. It's like maybe we should have those boundaries. Laura, was it weird to make eye contact with me. It was. See, it was weird for her. Laura's uncomfortable. She's been sitting there. Just head down. She won't look at us. Okay. Let's thank our partners. And we'll get into it. Okay. Thank you to Parallel.

Got 20% off your first order at parallelhealth.com slash GGE and skims. Shams. Shop skims, cotton, and all our favorite pieces at skims.com slash GGE. Thank you to Ladder. Get a free seven-day trial in $10 off your first month at ladder.fit slash gge. And thank you to HungryRoot. Get 40% off your first box and free item in every box for life at HungryRoot.com slash GGE with code GGE. What's going on with you? How are you feeling? I'm good. I think that's all I'm to say. I'm in, we're recording still ahead of time. I'm in L.A. and just enjoying it. I was here for the weekend. I was without you. We'll kind of talk about why. But I landed in L.A. I drove up to Ohio and I went to our friends hotel. It's Hotel El Roblar in Ohio, California. And my favorite

California trip, if you guys are just looking for something fun to do is I drive up to Ohio, I spend the afternoon there. I drive down to Santa Barbara. I spend the night there and spend a day in Santa Barbara. So that's what I did. I did. I don't know. I just, I love it. Truly one of my favorite things about California is you can just take a million day trips in so many different areas. You can have different experiences every time. You can be in the mountains. You can be at the water. I mean, I just, so that's what I did this weekend. You weren't with me. And then Sunday And I came back and Shishonk made us dinner. And it was so cute. He made us smash burgers.

And he, like, did this, like, the little presentation and, like, the little paper boats. And then he just sat there quietly on his phone and didn't talk. And I was like, this is amazing. Yes. And he's just been really leveling up. So if you guys are new around here, Shishonk built an app called Kitchen Sink. It's incredible. It will generate recipes for you.

And there's a bunch of different features. There's an import feature. So any recipe you see on Instagram, TikTok, or any blog, anywhere in the internet that the recipe is listed you import it right into the app so you can keep them all in one place there's a pantry feature there's so many different features but the main people use it to like figure out what to cook and you can voice note into it it's very cool and you can follow it at kitchen sink dot app on instagram and see his cooking videos i mean he is just he's an influencer he's becoming he's just so good i mean this is one of those things i think he always had a natural passion and

knack for cooking but he's just doing it so much more it's getting so good like last night we had a late lunch yesterday we met with our agent and so neither of us were really hungry for dinner We had late lunches, big lunches. So at like, 9 p.m., I was like, I could really use some chicken tenders. And we have all this chicken from the butcher box. And he whipped up fucking chicken tenders. I'm going to put a photo on this screen. They were insane.

So there's like food that's just restaurant only for me. And like I would never, it's not like I'm an idiot. I can cook. I went to culinary school. But I would never make it at home. It's smash burgers, his chicken fingers. It's stuff that you just leave to the restaurant. So I never.

He was going to chop up some chicken and put it in the air fryer. Why did he make a batter that had pickle brine and beer? Like, I was like, why are the pickles on the counter? Was there a, okay. Was there a dip? Well, I whipped us up a little saratamayo. Okay. All right, you participated.

I did. I mean, it's my dream. You and I just literally sat there and talk shit the other night and we didn't participate at all. He was like, here's a capraise salad I made for you guys. You just like, put it up on the counter. And he was like, you guys talk a lot. And I was like, you don't talk at all.

And I love it. It's amazing. But yes, he was in his scrolling bag on. that particular night. But yeah, it was fun. But you were not here with me this weekend. And I knew you want to talk about it a little bit. This episode is just going to be kind of a wild ride. We start crazy. We're going to bring it down. We're going to do porn. So I think it's just important to talk about what you did this weekend. And yeah, that's all. Yeah. So again, we're recording a little bit farther in advance. Obviously with us being a long distance now.

So we're, this will have been a few weeks ago as you guys listen to this. I was in Tennessee, Franklin, Tennessee, to be specific, which is a very cute town outside of Nashville. And that is where my friend Stephanie lived, and it was her celebration of life. So I'm going to really do my best. I'm going to keep it together. She passed a few weeks ago. This wasn't like an immediate passing and then funeral. There was some time between.

And she's my age. I met her on the first day, freshman year in college. and we were friends ever since. We lived together for two years in college. We have a group of seven, and we have been best friends from college since college. I think it's really special. I think not everybody stays in touch with our college friends or stays close. And so the seven of us have been a part of each other's lives for 20-plus years.

And everybody came to the wedding recently. Yeah, everybody came to the wedding. They've come to our show. Yes, we've, Rain has met all of them, and they're just a huge part of my life. They're like family. They know me on a level. You know, you and your college friends, you've lived together. Like, you just know each other on a level.

You grow up together. You become adults together. And Stephanie, I or I were always really close, we all were. And after my bachelorette party in Atlanta, there was some concerns we had. And she, we really encouraged her to see a neurologist and they found it a huge brain tumor, which was like shocking. And like, we couldn't believe it. And it was like an all hands on deck. Like she's got to get an immediate surgery to remove this brain tumor that had been impacting her eyesight and her life.

And they got it all out. The surgery was really successful. But there was a long recovery. And all she wanted to do was like make it to my wedding. You know, it was the last one of us to get married by like 10 plus years. Like all my college friends got married in their 20s. She had been divorced. She had been divorced for about.

10 years. And she has a daughter, who is now 12. And my friends have since even expressed to me how much, how important it was for her to be there for the wedding. And that was like a date she had in her mind. And we were in constant communication. Obviously, it was like, we check it on her every day, doing everything that we could, rallying around her. And I was like, of course, if you can't make it to the wedding, you can't make it to the wedding, but she really, really wanted to. And I had like an hour-long phone conversation with her in that window of time between August when she had the surgery. from November and she was like, I think I'm going to be able to do it. And she came and she had an amazing time. And I think there were some times where maybe she moved a little bit slower and she

couldn't drive yet, not that she would have been driving around. But that was like the next thing she wanted to do was be able to be clear to drive. And this isn't about me clearly, but like, I am so glad she could come. And my friends were like, Ashley, who don't understand important, that was to her day there was all to be together. And that was, all to be together. And that was the last time I saw her. She sees the other girls more. Like they live closer, they live in the South, and they have children, and all are friends now. It's like very sweet. And she had been doing really well. Like, what I tell you, this was so shocking it was. Like, there was a risk of stroke or seizure, but she had been on medications and she was doing well. And we all thought she had a great long life ahead of her. And my friends were trying to reach me. we had just gotten back from a trip. I was getting texts, like, we don't know where you are, what country you're in, like, whatever.

And I was getting all these texts from my college girlfriends. And I just thought someone's parent died. I didn't know, no, this wasn't even on my radar. Like, that's how much we thought things were fine. And as I called back, Shishonk was in the best. Shoshank goes, I hope it's not about me. And I was like, there's no way. Like, that's just not.

And it was, and it was just like a pain I've like never felt. Like it was like just I can't even, I've no words for how that felt. And like the breakdown that I had and I'm so glad he was there with me. And after that, like we just couldn't believe it. You know, the days, the weeks that followed were a lot of ups and downs. I had like, there's better days than others. And I'm trying to live my life, of course. But I would think about it and I would like remember.

And then it's like we have our group chat. She's not a part of all these things. things or just like they are like a punch in the gut. You cannot believe your friend is gone at this age. This is so different. This is not a hot take than someone's grandparent die and someone that dies of the appropriate age. Like a 43-year-old woman shouldn't die. And any, you know, it's just one of those things, like really hard to comprehend,

really hard to digest. And the grief came in waves and thinking about her family and her daughter. And she was just such a wonderful person, you know. The things that we would say about her, remembering her, we would have Zoom calls regularly as the group and really try to comfort each other and be there of each other and constant communication about everything. And like I was going to be in charge of delivering the speech on behalf of all of us, which felt like an impossible task to write it, to deliver it. But I did it. And it went as well as it could have given the circumstances. but just us sharing what an incredible person she was now.

She just really wanted the best for everybody and wanted the best life for all of us and for herself. And she had so much more life to live. It was like, I mean, it is so hard to even digest still that she's gone. And I just, I don't know. I wanted to share this because we share a lot in this podcast, what's going on my life. And for anyone who's experiences, I mean, it is just so destabilizing. have someone your age when you're whatever it is whatever whatever age it is when you are too early to to die you're not supposed to die I mean I just I think about her daughter and it's just like

she's 12 years old like she's gonna grow up without a mom and I know she's like a great support system and a great dad and she's all these women in her life now but it's just it's just like heartbreaking and it's so senseless and when these things happen you're so angry because you're like I don't know where to put these feelings. She shouldn't happen with modern medicine and she's just too young and it's just really hard to digest at this age. It feels so unfair. Yeah, there's just like a lot of anger and like, is there anything? And everyone's like, is there anything we could have done?

And they're just saying that she had a seizure and passed in her sleep. It's just been so hard and we all went there. And the thing that gets us through is having each other, you know, and really being there for each other and remembering her in the best way. and she was such a light and she was such an amazing friend, and she was just so funny and smart and easy to be around and supportive. And obviously, her legacy will live on forever. And we will always remember her in that way. And her daughter is friends with all the other friends, daughters.

They all have daughters, besides me, around the same age and seeing them all together and support her. Like, I couldn't stop. Like, I was like, I got to take pictures of these girls. Because they are just, they love each other so much. And they were, I mean, they're 10 to 12. And there were six of them. They're like a little like sorority and they just all were like with each other all weekend.

It was really nice to see. But when we walked into the celebration of life, like the venue, like we all just fucking lost it. It was so hard to digest. It was so hard to see her in like a in memorial way. Like when they first even sent me the like information I couldn't even click on it. I was like I can't think of her. I can't look at her. Like this is someone's grandparent.

That is like in. And their old age that has passed on where it's like hard to even call to celebration of life. Like I was like, how are we towing the line here? This is so tragic. You know, like I think everybody did their best, like speaking about her and Stephanie, like, loved comedy. And I would have known she would have wanted me to like make some jokes and like about us meeting in college and who she was. And I think I really towed the line really well.

And I broke down at the end. It was just really difficult. And for anybody having to do that, I just want to validate how hard it is. and, you know, value your friendships. And we always say life is long, but life can be short. And I feel like I certainly could have checked in on her more. I'm not having a bunch of guilt and regret. You know, I feel like I saw her.

We all had plans to see each other this fall at a football game. And I'm not really living with that, but I certainly could have checked in more. It's just, I guess that's the message I want to send. You know, if you have a friend struggling with anything, just you don't. want to live with any of that guilt that could I have checked and more could I have texted more and like I don't I don't know what the message here is I was telling you like do do I want to talk about this I don't know that I feel like I can get through it or I feel prepared to talk about it and you just said this is something not a lot of people experience like

losing a friend at a young age you know you can't live your life every day thinking well if I never talk to them again like what will I do and of course I think you did a beautiful job talking about her and I think that anybody that faces this is like this is so senseless and you're so angry. And I had a very different experience when I was 19. My boyfriend died. And I had been out with them all night and I dropped him off at his friend's house and we pulled up to my house to watch a movie. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to take you home. And I took him to his friends. And I even texted my friend. I've touched my friend and I was like, you thought he was going to get laid last night and I fucking took him home. And he went into cardiac arrest and he died in

the middle of the night. And I remember getting the call the next day. And I felt so much guilt. like if he had been in my home, if I had just let him come over, if I had just spent more time with him, like, I could have saved him. I could have helped him. And I was so angry. Like his, I remember his mom saying to me, this is just what Jesus wants. This is what God wanted was to call him up to heaven. And I was like, fuck you and fuck your rationale. And how dare you say this to me? And how could God want this? And I remember my mom saying to me, like, if this is what gives her comfort, you have to let her have this. Sure. People really turn to religion a lot with this because it helps them make sense of it. Yes. I mean, how can you make sense of your 19-year-old son dying? And I was so angry with that. I really was glad my mom was just like, if she finds comfort in this, she'll let her have this. And all that to say, like, it's nonsensical. You'll never make sense of it. No one should lose their life at that age.

It's just, it's senseless. It's horrible. And you're angry. And there's nowhere to put those feelings. But, like, we do go through these things. And if you feel like guilt that you, like, could have checked in with her more, I don't know. You can't live your life every day thinking everybody in my life is going to die.

I mean, you had an incredible bachelor at party. You invited her at your wedding. You had a great time with her at your wedding. You've invited her our live shows. And like you've done all the things you're supposed to do as a friend. And you hope at the end of somebody's life that you just feel like you did the right things and you did. Yeah, I appreciate you saying that. And I know she felt like she was so loved.

You know, I know that she felt like that. Not everybody has friends like my college friends, man. I feel so lucky. Like sometimes I feel like I'm the delinquent friend because I just, my life's a little different. I'm always like, whatever I'm doing. And they're so loving and supportive. Like we are family and like the way we stepped up when she had the surgery. She was so loved, and I know that she knew that.

And her daughter is an incredible support system. And I just wanted to at least say this on our show and we'll miss her forever. And it is like a unique experience. Shishonk lost one of his best friends when he was 20. And they were all in the car together and one of the five of them, one of them died and it defined all their lives forever. Like these things, like they define you and you never like forget it. And the pain like doesn't go away. it just changes form, you know, and it comes up when you least expect it.

We always say that grief is not linear. It'll just be like good days and bad. And you can, someone that's not in your life day to day, you can move through life, like, not thinking about it. You don't have to. You know, it's different than someone you live with. It's different than someone that you're friends with. You see all the time you talk to every day, your pet. You know, like you can not think about it.

And then it kind of hits you out of nowhere and you can't believe it. and you need to take time to grieve it and cry it out or talk to people. And I think one thing, like, throughout all of this, the last like month or so has just, sometimes I'll be like, I'm having a really hard time. And like everyone's like, me too. You know, like that's just that sense of community. Like friendship is so important. Like female friendship.

I mean, all friendships. But it's like you just never be scared to tell your friends when you're grieving, like, I'm having a hard time and just let them like be there for you and just, you know, take care of each other and value your friendships and just tell people you're thinking about them. and check in on them and do all the things. I love you. You did a beautiful job honoring her and I wish I could have been there and I just, I thought about coming and that just felt like, you know, she, you know, you know what I will say

is it was packed and her mom was like worried that there wasn't going to be enough room. And I was like, I hope people are standing room only. And it was. It wasn't a huge room, but like it just goes to show, you know, like that's what you want. You want it to be standing room only people celebrating this life and mourning this person who made such an impact on their life. So I was glad to see that. It was a sellout. Cheers to her.

We're selling so many tickets, babe. Cheers to her. You know, we love you, Stephanie. We'll miss you forever. So. What are we going to talk about? Let's do an ad break. Great.

And then we'll just like we'll reset. Yeah. Well, thank you guys for being here. Yeah. Thank you guys. And, you know, I just, we know you want to know what's going on in our lives. And that's been something that's been going on in my life. Yeah. For I think you did a beautiful job talking about it. Thanks. All right. Well, okay. I am going to tell you guys about hungry root. So we were talking about cooking and talking about food. We always have stuff from hungry root in our fridge, in our cabinets. And we love this because I sometimes just don't want to go to the grocery store and buy stuff for Shashon to cook for me. So this is great that I. I can just have Hungry Route in my house, especially going back to school. So if you are parents and you have families and things are just getting more stressful and more busy, this is going to be a great time to get on to Hungry Route. So you are going to get your box with all of the personalized food items that you want.

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Can I just tell you that when we got in here, we were like, why are there tissues on the table? What are people crying? They're like, Ashley's a cancer. She's sensitive. She cries. So we're going to know an episode about porn and porn preferences today. But we thought a good way to just warm up the episode. And then I'll give you my thoughts on all of our research.

And you guys submitted so many answers. And we'll give our thoughts on that. But we wanted to kind of warm you up with an email just speaking of masturbation, you know? That's the one. I thought you wanted to start with the other friend's news. That's what I want. But he's jerking off. Okay.

Oh, sorry. They're both jerking off. Honestly, this whole episode's about jerking off. But we wanted to kind of warm this up with a pretty debatable topic. And then we're going to move into actual porn. Debatable. I've never heard of this. So sometimes we get emails and you guys tell us stories that are surprising.

They catch me off guard. I really feel for people in situations that are tough to navigate like this. So the subject line of this email is Help found my best friend in my boyfriend's wank bank. Oh, this is hard. Immediately, I'm sad. Break up with that friend. I'm just kidding. So she writes,

Longtime listeners since day one. I'm writing because I really need some clarity on a dilemma that I'm struggling to make sense of. Last weekend, I found a screen recording on my boyfriend's phone of him searching for my best friend's Instagram account and opening her story where she was wearing a bikini. It became pretty clear that he had saved the video to masturbate to. When I confronted him, he admitted that was exactly what it was for. This isn't just any friend. She's my closest friend in the world. He insists it has nothing to do with wanting her specifically, but rather that she became

part of a fantasy because he knows a lot about her sex life. We're all very close. So he says that information fueled his imagination rather than any emotional or romantic feelings towards her. We've been together for 10 years. We have a healthy sex life, communicate well, and this is the first time anything like this has ever happened. Since then, he's taken full responsibility, been genuinely remorseful and even started

therapy because he recognizes how inappropriate and hurtful it was. Also, I think they're British. Why do you think that? Well, wank and the way she spelled recognizes. It's funny you said that like it's like the smoking gun. Also, I think they're British. I don't know. I just, you know, I've sniffed out as they're British. Maybe they're just, that is part of my reasoning for what I think. Maybe they're just better people, but they're not American. You was honest. Okay. But I'm still completely broken. I feel like my trust has been shattered in the fact that it involved. My best friend makes it so much worse. At the same time, keep wondering whether I'm making it bigger than it is because ultimately it was a fantasy and not a physical affair. How do I reconcile those two things? Is this something a relationship can genuinely

recover from? Or does the involvement of someone so close fundamentally change? I'd really love to hear your perspective because I feel completely stuck. Thank you for everything you do. Oh, I mean, right off the bat, Ashley and I want to just validate this is really hard. Like, I can't imagine being like, these are the two closest people in my life and my husband's masturbating to her. And like, it can't help but change your feeling about your even though it has nothing to do with your friend, obviously. And nobody more than me thinks that we are entitled to our own fantasies and thoughts. And just because you have a partner doesn't mean you're no longer attracted to other people.

We're entitled to own private thoughts and fantasies. But it would just be really hard. And we have another girlfriend that also read her boyfriend's journal. And he was like, I want to fuck her friends. And this is probably a pretty common thought. But to find it in the phone, it would have some like tangible evidence would be devastating. I'm sure a lot of husbands are like your friends are hot. Well, it made me think of you and I because of the notion about him knowing a lot about her sex life.

Yeah, absolutely. But that could just, they don't have to have a podcast. Obviously, they're just been friends for a long time and you talk about that kind of stuff at dinner over drinks. So he knows a lot about it. A few things give me hope for this couple. And I want to completely support her staying with him if she wants to. This isn't like break up with him after 10 years. years. No. They've been together for 10 years. He has taken responsibility, been remorseful, and is going to

therapy to work on this. And she says they have a healthy sex life after 10 years and communicate well. Like it sounds like what we always say that everything else in the relationship is great. So are you going to be able to come back from this is the question, though? I think she should go to therapy too, which is annoying. It's fucking annoying if you have to go to therapy and pay for it. Maybe he'll pay for it. And deal with this, but like someone else, a professional, may be able to help you make sense of this and give you the right tools and language to reframe this to move past it. The friend is going to be tough to feel that way about the friend. And it's just going to be natural and your friend didn't do anything. And if she's been a great friend to you for however many years, it's just tough.

I think I'd feel some type of way. That's what the therapy is for. That's what whatever the tools are to be able to have the self-talk of when I'm looking at you, I'm fucking pissed. Because you've had the audacity to post a bikini pick that my man screenshot it. And then, you know, you take it like 10 steps down the road and you're like, well, she doesn't look like me. And is he attracted to me? If he's attracted to this. But I agree with everything you said.

At least he admitted it. And he's being honest and up front. And I genuinely in my heart, and it's easier said than done. But I genuinely believe just because somebody is masturbating to something or fantasizing about something does not mean that they will ever act. on that. That doesn't mean he wants to be with her or he likes her as a person. He's just saw something and he was like, I know kind of a lot about her and I'm turned on by it. It would hurt no matter what. And I sort of had a situation like this actually where I was sleeping with somebody

and I knew that he was into a friend of ours. And she is so beautiful. Who would not be into her? I mean, she's like our most beautiful friend. I mean, I watched him like hit on her. I mean, but this was not a person I trusted or was in a, I don't think he's a nice person. And I was I wasn't in a serious, that's not my serious partner, but I want to validate that, like, even in that situation, it, like, really hurt. It made me think certain things about her. I had to talk to her about it. And she's an incredible, wonderful, evolved friend. And she was like, ran out, you know, nervous something like that. And she, like, laughed and we had a nice time talking about it. But I validate that even at the lowest levels, this, like, really hurts. And it makes you feel a certain way about yourself and how you look. And am I the fantasy for my husband now? But, right. I don't know. Two things can be true. I can validate how bad this feels, but also say, like, it's sad. Sounds maybe like it was harmless enough. Well, also after 10 years, you know, this isn't we just started dating or this isn't one, two, even three years in. Like, 10-year relationships, you know, people are doing what they need to do to keep their own, you know, sex drives alive, like, whatever it is. Again, I'm not like defending it.

There's that part of it too. After 10 years, you know, sometimes shit happens. The fact that it's her best friend is really sucks. Like, it's not just a friend. and what happens when they're all together now? I think it's going to be hard to hang out together. It just kind of is. Yeah.

It's unfortunate. Like, it's just going to take some time. Maybe someday you will laugh about this. I would try to separate the friend from this and say, like, this has nothing to do with her. Well, does the friend know? I'm dying to know. Can you please email us and let us know, did you tell your friend this?

I mean, I would just die. When our friend told me, her boyfriend, she was like, I bet it's about you. I bet that journal entry is about you. And I was like, I would never fucking touch him. Let's discuss this, you and I. Would you tell me this if my partner was jerking off to you? If this happened, I don't think I would tell you. I always say it's hard for me to make judgment calls on hypothetical imaginary relationships

because we all have like a what we would do and then what you actually do. Yeah, I just don't think I would be running to tell you for the main reason just being the level of discomfort for everybody for years to come. Like why bring another person into the mix that feels uncomfortable? because what I will say, I think this will get better with time, clearly. Like everything else, like, it just is going to take time. And even if you can't see that now, how am I ever going to get over this and how am I ever going to forget about this, you will. You will. I think, I hope, if you do some work and are healthy and stable and secure and really want to move past it, you will in time.

I mean, you shouldn't be humiliated. It feels humiliating to say to your friend, my long. longtime partner is attracted to you. I mean, it would be hard to get the words out. I mean, when I talked to our girlfriend about the fact that this guy that I was seeing was clearly into her, it was horrible for me to get the words out. And I had to express her. I'm not mad at you. This has nothing to do with you. But it creates feelings for me about you. And it's, it is nothing to do my trust in you or anything like that. It's just, it's hard to say the words. And I think the only reason why I would maybe have to say something is because I would

feel in the immediate future I needed to create distance between my husband and that person. And If she's like, why can I come over? I think it's in a moment of vulnerability, you can say it. I think you just have to decide and there's no timeline. Like, if you want to tell your friend this weeks from now, months from now, you can. You don't feel pressure to share it now. To me, it's like I'm looking out for the future us. If I tell you this, that Shishonk did this, like, you will never forget it.

I actually will never forget. You will feel weird around him. And we will both feel weird if I'm saying anything about him going forward. forward no matter what it is. Okay, you know what? Now I'm reframing it. I don't think it's a friend I want to know. I don't think I need to know. You know, you could just exclude me from what you guys are doing. I don't need to know this. You're right. Everything you say to me, I will see it through this lines. Every time I see him, I'm like, oh, you jerked off to me. It's gross. Well, you know, you hope this is your closest friend. You hope she's not someone who feels competitive with you and gets off on this a little bit. There is that too. I don't know. You could have kind of a toxic friend that's going to get off on this and not hold it over your head, but be thinking in that way. your husband jerks off to me. He thinks I'm hotter than you. You hope that's not how your closest friend thinks. I'm not saying it is. But to me, it would just be like, if I tell Raina this, like, I'm never really going to want to say his name in front of her ever again. It's going to create this discomfort in the air. It's always going to be the elephant in the room. So why don't I just like hold this in, deal with it privately in my relationship and try to move past it or break up with him. Either or. No, I'm just saying we support it either way. Like if you can't get past it, then don't get past it. We support your. decision as an adult that knows the relationship better than we do. I think if you were to ask me, is this normal and healthy kind of, it's not the end of the world. I think that like, it's unfortunate that you found this. I think that the reality is lots of us are attracted to other people,

even though we're in a committed healthy relationship, especially after a decade. And yeah, I do understand, you know, there's just a scenario where like, I'm sure that this woman is beautiful. I'm sure our friends are beautiful. And our husband's like, I've heard a lot about our sex life. And it could really not be deeper than that. It's just, it's unfortunate that she had See this? The front end of the screen recording was him searching for it. Like, doing better. Okay, right now, let me ask you that.

How did you get caught, sir? Just delete it. Right. Well, she going through his phone. Hmm. Well, there's that too. Oh. I am in Shishonk's phone for stuff all the time.

Like, videos, pictures, like we go on vacation. Like, we're not, we're with either of each other's phone. So maybe they had that type of healthy trusting relationship. I don't really know that she was going around snooping. Okay, let me ask you this. Is the screen recording more egregious than just a screenshot of her in the bikini? Screen recording is like nodding. That's what it is like, what are you doing?

You hear it. You can't record. It's the effort for me. Like, honestly, it's a screenshot of a story in a bikini. I'm like, yeah, she looked hot. Fine. Totally. You have hot friends too.

You got to keep like your finger on the thing. You got to go back and forth and back and forth. It's the effort it took. It's so. From a lazy man. And like, have I ever been attracted to my boyfriend's friends? Yeah. And have I wanted to fuck them probably?

The way you said that when you're full. Yeah. I date ugly guys and their friends. No, I'm just kidding. No, I don't. But have I been attracted? Name them. Name them.

Have I been attracted to my partner's friends? Yeah, I'm human being. I have eyes. I wouldn't act on it, but I certainly wouldn't get caught. That is so crazy. Just you can't just use your imagination. You can't just think about it. You had to screen record this.

I mean, I think you should talk to him about just being a better snake. Yeah. So I wanted to tell you this. I've been like holding it in to say for this email. Oh, no. No. So the other night Raina is over. When she came over, I had just gotten off of the Peloton.

So I was like, had to go up and take a shower. And she sits at the counter and talks to Shishon while he's like cooking dinner. And they're friends. Obviously, they have a great relationship. But as I'm going upstairs to go take a shower. I go, be good, you two. And immediately I hear, I just missed you. Oh, I just missed you too.

I laughed to myself. I've been holding this into share of the podcast. I literally go, be good, you guys, just like kidding. And I don't think they clocked me. Immediately I hear Raina go, I've just really missed you. I missed you too. I'm like, is this serious? You couldn't even wait until I, my legs were still through the railing.

You could still see me going up the step. You guys didn't even wait until you heard the shower turn on to talk about how much you missed each other. I don't even remember this. It's how natural it was for me. I didn't clock this at all. No, they said it in a platonic way, but I was just like, is that dead ass? They were not trolling me. I don't even think they heard me saying.

I forgot you were even there. That's so funny. Obviously, all we talk about is you, but like, I just, I didn't even pay attention. No, you guys really? Like, I really love that. Clearly, I'm sure there'll be a Reddit threat after this, but I've said this for weeks. The people are going to think that. I just, I love that you guys have a genuine.

friendship. Yeah, I love it too. And I think about it all. I'm with our agent yesterday. I think about him all the time. I think about him all the time, honestly, when I'm masturbating. Honestly, though, in the reverse, it's very funny. Like, in the reverse, like, I see a picture of Jacques and your camera roll. I'm like, okay, girl, he's a compliment. He's a compliment. I was going to tell you, I masturbated something totally different last night. No, we were with our agent yesterday, and he was asking, you know, he wants to protect his investment, which is me and you together. And he was asking, like, how's the, you? long distance going. And like, I don't think I just had this thought. And I don't, I don't know,

you and I just talk so much. But I thought like how lucky I feel that you have a partner that kind of supports, like, if you and I are going to be for the next six months long distance, that he's like, I support that Ashley needs to go back and forth. She's not going to be around me all the time. And if she needs to move, we'll move. Like, as our agent was just like, let's focus on your relationship. I thought like there is a third person in this relationship. And I'm so grateful that like he loves me. that he's like on board to make sure that like we feel good and supported and it would be really hard to feel like your partner with my op. It's my worst nightmare in the world. I don't even.

I've always said it. The thought of it is it makes me sick. What we have, the three of us is it's at the top. Yeah. It's the farthest end of the spectrum in terms of like health and security and there's just no weirdness in any way. I just, I feel really lucky. Like I couldn't date somebody that he didn't like. I can't even imagine what that would be like.

No, we're good. We're Gucci on. I'm only using text me today. I'm going to jump out this window. Okay. Well, let's just knock out our other partners before we get into this porn combo. We are so excited for you guys to hear it. I am going to tell you about ladder.

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I'm like white knuckle in it like, oh, I'm going to drop my little joke. You nailed it. I actually did wear PJs over here house the other night. We both wore something. But Skims Cotton Loungewear, it's the only thing I wear around the house. The only thing I sleep in. It's the only bras I wear. It's the bra I'm wearing right now.

I just love Skims Cotton. It holds up so well. So the cotton jersey, the cotton ribbed, you're obsessed with the cotton rib tank. The cotton rib tank is like hard to get. I know. It's just hard to get selling out. So just that rib tank look. I've tried so many different brands.

This is what I come back to. it is the best. I don't have to wear a bra with it. I know. We don't like bring a for bras. It's not, it doesn't have a built-in bra or anything. It's just really that nice, sturdy, quality-ribbed material that holds your titties up. And then the way it lays on your stomach, like the seam at the bottom. I don't know how to describe it. I have it in every color. It's so good. It's so good with jeans. Just the perfect amount of crop for me, personally, obsessed with it. And then they have the foldover pants to go with it. And so they have lots of different colors. I mean, truly, it's the only pajamas I wear. It's the only

stuff I wear under my pajamas and I love it and everything from there holds up well tons of colors tons of sizes so I love what they're doing you can shop skims at all of our favorite pieces at skims com after you place your order be sure to let them know we sent you like podcasts in the survey be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows okay okay porn okay so this episode I want to take credit for the topic but rain is going to definitely lead this conversation last night I was like my freak flag is going to fly today but I always want to tell you guys where we get inspo. And to me, I just want to know this stuff. I mean, one of my most proud episodes was how often are couples having sex. I just want to know. I know. I just want to know how women are consuming

porn, how much, what they're watching. And I think other women want to know that too. And watching porn with partners and all these different things. Like, it's just honestly being nosy. And we are able to conduct these surveys and gather this data with 10,000 people. 10,000, if you're listening to this, like-minded women like you. So honestly, that's where it came from and we're going to dive in, but it's more just like, people want to know. Am I normal? You know, what's normal? What are people doing? And it's all normal. Like, none of this is outside the norm, but it's just out of curiosity, honestly. And we posted all these slides and compiling this was so fascinating to me. And we asked people, do you consume porn? How do you feel

like your partner consuming porn? Would you watch it with your partner? And this is the largest spectrum I've probably ever seen from people saying, I would never watch porn. It's bad for women. I do not want my partner to consume porn and I would never watch it with my partner all the way to I watch it all the time. They watch it all the time. We watch it all the time. And no one is wrong. Like everything is normal to me as long as you feel healthy and safe. And it's something that you feel good about in your own body and your relationship. And there's actually no normal when it comes to this. Like whatever turns you on and makes you feel good and boundary, that's what's normal and that's what's healthy. And you know, this is really such a private thing. to talk about like, what do I masturbate to? What kind of kinks am I into? And I mean, you guys just continue to surprise us and impress us with how open you are. And we'll close this out with just sort of tips for watching porn with your partner. And I even loved the advice you guys had because it was just healthy. It was light. It was easy. It was really like a lot of compromise. And just thank you for always just giving us your whole lives. Yes. We really love that you guys share this stuff

with us and feel safe and comfortable, obviously porn can be a problem. I mean, porn addiction, that's not necessarily what we're talking about here today. We've discussed it in the past. And kids watching porn too young of an age, it's super damaging. Like to see images before your brain is fully formed or before you've ever even had sex is really a huge problem. Again, now we're talking about today. I just want to put those things out there because like, porn, everybody does it. It's like there are real problems with porn. But we're talking today about like consenting adults consuming porn. A reasonable amount of healthy porn. And we will get into it briefly about how people feel about their partners consuming porn. And people were like, if it's a problem,

I have a problem with it, you know? And I mean, I discovered porn at a pretty young age. I just had been like really sexual my whole life. And that's not, I can't really attribute it to anything. Like, I just developed really young. I mean, I remember being like 11 in like a women's locker room and noticing other women's bodies and noticing that I was attracted to women's bodies. And I discovered lesbian porn really young and I sort of was just like, what does this mean? It just affected me in terms of thinking like, am I straight? Because I'm very turned on by lesbian porn. I love it. I pretty much exclusively masturbated to that most of my life, but I don't identify as being gay. I don't date women. I've slept with women, but I mean very sporadically. Well, did the porn come first, right?

Way first. Of course, obviously you just that. But I guess was that the inspo? Like, did watching lesbian porn make you be like, I like, I like this so much. I should maybe try to be with a woman, right? I mean, it's interesting because there can be, I'd very much genuinely believe we talked to therapists about like Ian Kerner on our show about this. There can be a real disconnect between what you fantasize about and your private thoughts and masturbate to and what you want to do in the real world.

Yeah, that guy doesn't want to fuck that girl's friend. Yeah, or her dad or her stepdad. And, you know, we're going to get into like kink categories and stuff, but I genuinely believe that you can be turned on by something and masturbate to it and that's where it stops. And for me, it was just, you know, I think there's a lot that goes. into lesbian porn, which is that it seems like it's for the woman's pleasure. It doesn't feel

violent. It's something that looked like something I would enjoy. I mean, a lot of heterosexual porn is really just like slam, slam, slam. Unrealistic. It's not realistic. It doesn't look like it's for women's pleasure. It's not through like the female gaze. And so I think it just felt like it was female pleasure to me. And that maybe is just where it was rooted in. So I discovered really young. And then also something I discovered really young was this website called Lit erotica. So it's Lit erotica, if you guys are interested. And it has also, it has also. porn categories and it's it's erotic literature. I mean, it's not like smut novels. It's pornographic writing. And there's tons of categories and I really liked reading that when I was

growing up. And I was like, that's crazy. I'd never heard of me doing that. But it's a heavily female characteristic. The women like to, we use our imaginations. We're not as visual necessarily. So I've always used porn. I pretty sporadically in my life at this point. Like when I get really high, I like to watch porn. I don't particularly have a problem with my partner watching porn. I think as long as is a healthy, normal amount. I'm not going to regulate what somebody else does with their body. And then just to close this out, I have not really watched porn with a partner, but I'm open to it if somebody wants to. So that's what I'm out. Because I didn't know that about you. I don't think I have. But if anybody ever suggested it, sure, I'm down. I'll try anything.

It's never come up. Did your ex watch, do you know anything about him in porn? Because he was great in bed. Like, I'm just trying, I'm thinking of your past partners and their level of kinkiness. Like, you're super sexual and you're on the kinkiness. you're not really vanilla. Like you're down to try stuff. I'm like trying to think of your past exes. I actually don't know if I've really asked. I was talking to this guy last night because I was talking about prepping this episode and he was like, what porn categories do you like? And he told me what you liked? And I was like, oh, this is like a nice, healthy conversation. I love hearing this. He was like, I love to a pussy. I was like, I'm in love with you. Um, you guys got

all the friends over real quick. I would like to credit Ashley with getting me of the this episode. So I will take the credit. But I think it's a really great. But I think it's a really gateway to talk to your partner about what turns them on. And I think you can learn some tips and tricks. And if you want to watch it together, it's a great way to feel turned on. I don't know that I've really talked that much to my partners. I've never caught my partner jerking off. Like, I've never had an experience. I've lived with three men. I've never caught any of them jerking off. But like, I think it's normal and healthy because I do it. It's normal and healthy to me. Right. But I've never watched porn with a partner. Yeah. I don't really watch porn. I don't think I've ever claimed to. You know, I have

certainly seen some porn, but it's not a part of my regular life. Obviously, we have a app that has erotic audio. And when we started that, I had to listen to a lot of it. And I was obviously very turned on and would obviously listen to it recreationally on top of it being part of my job. So I really do like that erotic audio. I just love the sound of like a sexy voice in my ear. And I like the normal non-porn content. Like I like sexy stuff. I like he did rivalry. And, you know, I loved like the horny scenes and off campus. Like my favorite scene off campus was the mutual masturbation scene. And I like really hot stuff. It really turns me on. I love to watch sex, but not in a pornographic way, and I guess more commercialized way. And, you know, I don't want to spread Shashon's business.

He's not a big porn watcher either. You know, I think in our relationship, I think we have a really great healthy sex life. We, yeah, dibble and dabble in different things. We used toys and do the things. Neither of us are real porn watchers. So that's not something that I've ever really had to think about when it comes to him. And yeah, I mean, that's really pretty much it. I masturbate healthy amount more so when I've been single. We have a sex toy company, all the things. I wasn't as early to it as Raina, like kind of started a little later, like after I'd had sex. Like I didn't start masturbating until early 20s. I'd had sex years prior. And I would like come up with my own fantasies in my head. We've always said I like masturbate to my own thoughts and fantasies and

like previous past sexual experiences. I've just never like put on porn. So that's my story. You know what I'm curious about because we did not poll for this is, you know, I live alone, you don't live alone. The only time I ever turn on porn is like I get really high, it's late at night and I just, I really like to masturbate. When do you watch it? Like if you lived with a partner and you're like, I don't need to watch porn with my partner. If I want to get off, I'll fuck my partner. Like, anytime I've lived with three men, I don't think I watched porn. I'm not masturbating as much. And like, we have sex regularly. We've a good sex life, but it's not every day. It's not three times a week. And so, like, so personal. I know. I feel like, wow, this is crazy.

Well, but I would usually masturbate a night and I'm in the bed with him. And if we want have sex, then we have sex. But like, my masturbating has been more on the road. Yeah, obviously. I'm a vibrator and I'm doing it in the hotel. But I'm totally. Com. We sell the best vibrators we've ever seen. I never leave the house without them. And they're a lot on sale. So check those alibives only. I bring the Lucy bullet with like one of the different sleeves on it. And that's what I just throw in my suitcase. Just because I'm like, it's not like, I'm going to be so horny. And it's just like I don't do this as much anymore. And I like to do it. Uh-huh. Who does it? I only do it when I'm going to sleep. When I wake up in the middle of the night,

I can't go back to sleep or first thing in the morning. That's when you're in the bed with your partner. Why want I do it? Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I wish we would have crowdsourced that too. And just in general, I think people probably mostly watch porn at night. Yeah. I don't know.

If you wake up and you put a port on, I mean, you do you, but I think it's most. Animals. That's crazy. Okay. Well, now that we've bared our souls. Honestly, we were talking and I was like, who does this? This is crazy. But, I mean, we own a sex toy company.

I think the cat's out of the bag, you guys. And, you know, if there's anything about the. show that we are really proud of besides the fact that we have, you know, a decade long career. It's that we want to normalize the stuff for people and, you know, make you feel like it's healthy and self-pleasure. Nothing is healthier. So we pulled you guys about 13,000 of you. Yeah. So it's usually about like at least 10,000 of you guys that respond, which is a great subset. And we did say women only. That's what we want to talk about today is women's porn consumption habits. So we said women only and find that most of you guys are in the 25 to 35 range up as far as

as 15 whatever um but we opened it with just how often do you consume porn and 41% so the majority of the respondents said never so I mean again it's like sometimes you're like everyone's doing this everyone's watching porn everyone's eating ass they're not but like 38% are saying once a month so that's a close second And again, it just depends on the demo, you know? I mean, you could poll people who are listening to maybe a really sex-based full, like, Ron to your podcast. And the stats would probably be different. But these are just kind of like the girls got to eat listeners.

So once a month, 38 percent, once a week, 15 percent. And more than once a week, 6 percent. So I watched porn the other day, and I don't think I've turned porn on in months. Like, I just go in waves. Yeah. I just, you know, sometimes it's more or sometimes it's less. And, you know, we will talk about what type of porn you guys are consuming. But I think a lot of people are really turned on by like smuttier type literature, not pornographic writing, but like Lucy scores books.

So things we never got over. It's, I mean, it's just, it's a, it's just a novel, but there's so much heavy sex content. I don't know that people think of that as porn, but they pleasure themselves to this type of stuff. Exactly. Also, I want to clarify, like I said majority, but I meant the highest percentage, but the majority people are watching porn. So 59% of people are watching porn compared to 41% that aren't. So more people are than art. Just while I want to clarify that.

And we put up that slide first. So I think that people's first thought is pornographic videos. And there is stuff you read, you watch and you listen to. So I don't know. I think some people might answer that by saying, not watch porn, but I read it or I listen to it. Yeah. So the next slide is we asked you guys, what kind of porn are you consuming? So 68% of you are the largest numbers that they're watching porn.

But then we said pornographic literature, 21% of is reading porn. And then listening to Dorotic Audio, 11%. So watching for sure, looking at photos or videos is always going to be the highest. But a lot of people are reading it. I just find it really pleasurable. I love it. We did clarify. Like, it's not just 50 shades of gray.

I think it's really more like what you. X-rated. Yeah, X-rated stuff. It's not just at Barnes & Noble. Yeah. So we thought that was interesting, too. And then what general porn category is your preference? the highest percentage was straight, so 48%, but still under half.

And then second percentage was lesbian at 29%. And threesome group sex, 21%, and then gay male is 4%. I think you guys are lying. I think you heated rivalry girls are lying. I thought lesbian porn to be higher. Okay. I cannot even tell you guys how often, like, a friend of ours or a listener will just say, like, I've always really been into lesbian porn and I've never known what it meant.

I mean, so many people, when we had Ian Kerner on the first time, who's a world-renowned sexual psychotherapist, we had him on in like 2018, right? My first question for him was like, I've always watched lesbian porn. Like, what does that mean? Yeah. I thought more people would say lesbian porn, but it is really common among straight women. Yeah, I am as straight as they come, unfortunately, no. And I like lesbian porn. I like, again, I'm not going to claim that I watch a bunch of porn.

like the hunting wives, I feel like that was lesbian porn. How yeah. And I'm not like, oh, no, I don't want to see that. I also like gay male porn from heated rivalry. I mean, using the porn loosely. But I'm turned on by these scenes. Yes. To be clear.

Two women, two men. And I'm straight as they come. But I think, like, some people that's more easily digestible than, like, dick in vagina. Like, that's more of it. It's softcore. 100%. I think women are in softcore porn. What I never want to see is some woman getting roughed up and just shoved in.

in all jostled around. You know, I always talk about that scene from Tell Me Lies. I didn't like it. I don't like when it's too rough like that. So, yeah, two women are always going to be a little bit better. I could watch two women, Roughhouse. Roughhouse. Just fifth each other.

Because I feel like heated rivalry was more gentle. Well, that's all softcore porn. Exactly. And I think that that's easier to digest. It's actually like more true to life. A hundred percent. Like, I watched straight porn. I'm like, no, no.

Just getting just, again, the dog shit fucked up. The dog shit fucked out. So this slide, I had a lot of fun seeing what was in there. So we said, what other porn categories kink and otherwise are you guys into? There was a huge range. The number one that I came across, I think you guys are the first and the second word, but number one most reported was massage porn. I was, saw that and I get it. I have never been more turned on in my life. I was in a car with this guy who I was sleeping with. And he was telling me about getting jerked off at this massage parlor. I don't even know how it came up. He's just like, yeah, I've been to one and this is what happened. And, and I don't think I've ever been more turned on in my entire life, listening to him talk about, I mean, by the way, this is not my boyfriend or so I was in a committed relationship with, different story. Yeah. But like, like, and then I started telling him this story about, like, when I was at this massage parlor.

Yeah. And it was, like, the hottest thing. So I, like, get it. So massage porn, honestly, like, number one response. Very close second was power dynamics. And that kind of, it ran the gamut. So teacher and student, boss and employee and a ton of, like, step. A ton of step family. So stepdad, step sister, and dad fucking sister's friend. That came up a ton.

I see Laura out of the corner of my eyes. Laura, I'm glad I don't have to look at you. I'll be totally honest. I'm thrilled. Okay. Massage born makes so much sense because it feels attainable. We've all been there. We've all hoped for it. There's a romance aspect to it. You know, it's something that's like sensual and your body's being taken care of and then it gets sexual. So it's like I really do understand the appeal. I'm pretty. much turned on every time I get a massage. I mean, I don't want to make it weird. But like, it's like another thing that just feels like approachable, relatable. It's for my pleasure. Like I'm receiving this thing. Yes. Yeah. So that came up. But I mean, it was a huge range, all kinds of threesome. So female, female male, male, female. Transporn came up a lot. Okay. A lot of women's enjoyment being pleasure just in general, just women enjoying themselves.

Masturbation. So watching somebody masturbate or mutual masturbation, which I like love watching somebody masturbating, we'll talk about that later. Anil pegging exhibitionism. So if you guys can think of it, it was in this slide. The range is really huge. And again, it just reminds me that just because somebody fantasizes to this and jerks off to it doesn't mean they're going to do it in real life or they want to do it in real life.

It's just a fantasy. It can really just be that. Yeah. And just like scratching some sort of itch. You might even know where it came from. Okay. We'll gloss over this one. But I'm comfortable with my partner watches porn.

70% said only in moderation. 17% said any time and 13% said not at all. So that's pretty much what I expected. And the not at all could be younger or more conservative. Some people don't like it. And that's fine. So we put up a slide after that that said, what are your just general thoughts on your partner consuming porn?

And this was the biggest range I've ever seen. So from people just being like, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. It bothers me a lot. And I struggle with this notion of like, what do these women have that I don't? I'm worried about porn addiction. A lot of people are in the middle.

I don't love it, but I just don't want to hear about it. You know, I just don't tell me about it. Don't bring this to my attention. I think that's where most people are. Like, I don't need to hear about this, but you can. And it went all the way to the other end of the spectrum of like, I do it. So why can't they? Well, yeah.

If you do it, then you can understand it. Like, I'm trying to put myself in these shoes. If Shishonk was like watching porn. I mean, I think if it was a lot, I'd be bothered. I think that's how most people feel. And that was the overwhelming response of like it's healthy. If it's in moderation, I don't want to know about it. If it's a problem, then it's a problem.

And I have a problem with it. And anything in moderation is fine as long as it doesn't affect our sex life. We actually had one person say I have a unique situation where I have very low libido. So this is a good solution for us. I don't think it's that unique. Yeah. And I don't know how old she is, but you certainly lose more libido as you age and for various reasons, whatever you're going through. And so that works for them.

She's like, go watch porn and jerk off. I don't feel like doing that. I won't do this. Yeah. Hit me up next week, maybe. I think whatever boundary you want to have to me is fair as long as you communicate that. Like, you can have a no tolerance policy for it. That's fine.

Mm-hmm. And then we really got into the juicy stuff. This is really what we wanted to discuss, which is do you watch porn with your partner or past partners? So we really were just wanting to get a vibe on like, who's doing this, who's done it? And 58% never. So majority never. 27% said on occasion, 13% said it totally depends on the partner, and 1% all the time. Freaky 1%.

All the time. All the time. Okay. Good for you, too. You found each other, which is what's important. So we're going to talk about a few things here. What was the motivation and how's that worked out for you? How did it come up and what are some tips and tricks for doing it?

And, I mean, overwhelmingly, it was really positive. The motivation, it's just, it's great for play. It leads to more sex. it really just turns us on and gives us other ideas. I mean, it has been really positive. It spices things up. It adds something new to the mix. And I love to see that people are just trying something new.

It keeps the flames burning. And all the way, of course, it was awkward and it was not for us. Yeah. Yeah. And it leads to sex or an argument and no in between. I can see that, though. Like, we will talk about tips and tricks for doing this your partner, but I can see somebody being like, I like this category.

And you're like, excuse me? Right. What the fuck? Yeah. I do think if you want to do this, maybe you talk about the type of porn you like before you put it up on the screen and make a decision. Like maybe just have a more soft intro into it. What are you kind of porn do you like instead of you guys pulling up porn hub and then you're like, wait, what? Can I ask you a question?

Because I was thinking about this last night, like when couples watch porn together. Do they like mirror it from their phone to the TV? Like how are they pulling it? I'm really curious. I think it's probably a laptop situation. A laptop. Because I'm always watching porn on my phone. Oh.

But one time I decided to like gift myself just a fun experience and I mirrored it to my TV. Yeah. But phone. But that would be hard with a partner to be like flipping through stuff on my phone. Oh my God. We should have put that. You guys, please let us know in the comment. People are going to be like, I'm not doing that.

My face is on my avatar. They all totally took it. They were like, I like to watch stepdad's fuck their daughters. A bunch of people on YouTube and Spotify are going to be like, I like to watch porn on my TV. We mirror it. But if you feel comfortable, please do. I mean, I think why not put it up on the TV? Yeah, it's a special treat.

Mirror your phone under the TV. Because I think we have this image of porn being more secretive. So you're on your laptop, you're on your phone, you're under the covers. If you're in your house with your partner, put it up on the big screen. Put it on the projector outside on the roof. Put that dick in HD. And then first time watching porn with a partner, how did it come up? We're curious how you guys are getting there.

So 40% the majority of respondents, we came up with the idea together. and then 30% my partner suggested it and 30% I suggested it. So, I mean, I don't really have much to say there. That's kind of what I figured. Sometimes it's your idea. Sometimes it's their idea. Sometimes it just sort of happens in conversation. What I could see happening more is something, again, like softcore foreign, like leading to sex.

Yeah. Like a television show, like, you don't rivalry if you're cool. Yeah, we watch Heat a Robbery together. Did he get hard? He didn't get hard. I was hard. It's a great way to start. I was going to say that.

sexy TV shows. Yeah, we watch Honeywives together. I feel like we were really horny after that show. So those are my two recommendations. That's a great. Honeywives are great tip. You pull up some old cinemas for the 90s. Well, I'm glad that you said that because we did ask people like, how do you start?

And one of the first responses was start with something kind of tame. You don't need a hard launch of new kink right now. And so I like the idea of like hunting wives, which is not intrinsically, it's not hardcore porn. It's just like, this is some sexy TV. Yeah, 100%. So I like that. You guys had so many great tips, but, you know, obviously talk about this ahead of time. You should talk to your partner always about their fantasies and what they're into and approach it with, like, curiosity.

And I do think some stuff that, not that you don't want to hear, but some surprising stuff is going to come up and just know that you are kind of like opening a bit of a Pandora's box. So try to approach this with curiosity and understanding and not judgment. Yes. Be open-minded. Again, have the conversations ahead of time. those things are just nice, fun, sexy conversations to have in the first place. Like, why not? Like, why not discuss it ahead of time? Don't frame this as something missing in your relationship. Again, just like in addition to what's hopefully an already healthy relationship is let's spice things up. Do it drunk the first time, take the edge off. Yeah. I think if you're a couple of drinks, you've had some drinks. I don't think it's sober Sunday morning. You want to put a porn on, babe. Yeah. It's got to be at night with the, you've got a glare coming in off the TV. Alcohol. Yeah.

Smoke a little weed. Yeah. Don't take it so seriously. Just have fun. So most people overwhelmingly said I, so this is women answering. I choose what to watch. And that's what makes us the most comfortable and that he'll be turned on. If you're turned on.

And most women said, we do what I want. Yeah. And I'm supportive of that 100% in every area of relationship. And then lastly, high level, make your own porn and rewatch your own videos. I have never heard on that. I never want to see. I never want to see my cheeks getting clapped in HD and 4K. I mean, I have made videos for people I've been dating.

And I send them on Instagram in like disappearing mode so that I don't have to worry that they're being screened recorded. But it really turns me on to make them. And I will obviously save them to my phone and it turns me on to watch myself. So do that. Yeah. Work up, build up to it. Yeah. You can ease into all of this.

And it can be over time. And that was like years ago in 2021, we had an episode about BDSM with the Dominatrix. And she also was saying, you know, the first thing I tell people, It's like start with a sleep mask, a blindfold. Like nothing do you have to go in at like the black diamond hill level. A hundred percent. You know? So you just ease your way in.

And so many people are doing this. And also if you do it once and you're like, this is not for me. That's fine too. Lots of people feel like that. You're not some like nerd or prude. If you're like, I'm not trying to watch porn together. Yeah, exactly. Okay.

We are going to end this with one final email. She says, I'm curious what you ladies think. I've been with my husband for six years, married for three. recently I've expressed interest in wanting to watch him masturbate. He is completely turned off by the idea and thinks it's super weird. He says it's his private time and doesn't want me to watch. I think it would be super hot and I'm also just curious. I have told him he could watch me or we do it at the same time, but that still hasn't convinced him.

I've also asked what is the fantasy of his that I could fulfill and he wants to give me a facial, but I don't really want that. Maybe fair is fair, though. What I'm wondering in a committed relationship is masturbation commonly a private thing or people out here just watching each other or doing it at the same time. And we just don't know, is this kinky or normal behavior? But really, what is normal these days anyway? Would love to hear your thoughts. I think it's kinky and it's normal. And I think not wanting to do it.

And, you know, any part of this is normal. Both of you were right. And it's not both of you're right. Both of you were wrong. It's just both of you were right. And I really, I've dated somebody in particular. I've really enjoyed that. We enjoyed that.

I like to watch him. He liked to watch me. That was like a really fun, sexy thing. But that is like a high level kink. It's normal because I felt safe and I felt turned on by it. And I loved when he sent me. me videos, but, like, that's not for everybody. I think a lot of people don't feel comfortable in that environment.

It is their private time. A lot of people are not going to sit on a bed and masturbate in front of a person. And, like, they're both normal to me. I know. I just think there are a lot of guys that aren't comfortable doing this. I still think he would like to watch her. Who wouldn't? If he's got some kink in him, he wants to come in her face.

So he's not asexual. Yes, he's not just like, Oh, my God, ooh. Like, he's not some super duper buttoned up guy. I was worried at as I was reading this for the first time when she asked him what a fantasy was. He didn't give her anything. He's, you can get something out of him. But if he really doesn't want to do this, you can't force it on him. Yeah. And you could introduce it and you could introduce it again in six months. You know, like just don't badger him with this because you have decided six years into a relationship. You want this thing. And I'm not saying that's what she's doing. But it could happen. It might not just happen right now. I just think he's going to like to watch her, but also don't just start masturbating if he doesn't want it. Like, it's going to get awkward quick. She's walked in the room like Louis C.K. Oh, my God. Exactly.

That was like exactly. In this plant right here. He's like, I'm going to come in this plant while you watch. No, but again, if they drink, that could always help to lubricate you. I mean, we always want to be sensitive about that. Not everything needs to be drunk to try it out, but sometimes you want to feel a little bit more comfortable. I like that she was like, fair is fair. I get it. You don't want to have him to come in your face. I don't either. I don't know what to do. I'm closing my eyes and plugging my nose. Like I don't know how people are getting come down the face. Like maybe you have more tips. But like, fuck no. Fuck no. I'm like I'll do anything. Not that. I'm with her in like if I think she probably feels that's degrading. But he probably feels like it's an invasion of privacy. You watch him jerk off. Like neither of you are wrong. You don't be degraded. He doesn't want to feel like you've invaded his privacy. And so I don't know. Like can he come.

come on your neck. Can we your chest? Yeah. Can we work up to that? Give him just enough. Can he come on her chest and she's like, let me see you touch your dick. Yes. I don't know. Can we sort of start to build up to this? But again, don't badger him too much. Like you guys have been together a long time. This is probably coming out of nowhere for him. Yes. I mean, that's the other thing. I mean, when I told you about this that I was doing this with this guy who's probably the most sexual person I've ever met my entire life, maybe a sex addict. But

I don't, I say this to say like, this is not like intermediary level stuff. This is advanced. This is advanced level stuff. And you were like, my husband and I are not at home. Shurking off in front of each other. I mean, I wrote that down. I was trying to work a bit out. Like, yeah, like, Shishon comes home.

He's like, lay in the bed and masturbate. I'm like, what? I'm working. Like, you're still in your work shirt when you're going to boss me around. Take the dog. out. We have a great sex life, but yeah. It's weird to picture.

Like, we would do that more if we were like in a hotel on vacation or something. Like where we started that? Yeah, obviously. Yeah. We, the three of us. You were in the hotel too. So I was sort of something like me. Yeah, you were in the hotel somewhere.

I think it's really sexy and it really turns me on. I think a good compromise he watches you. Maybe what I would also do is while you guys are having sex, I would touch myself. And like, which also feels so kinky. And so, like, if he enjoys that, I think it's a short step to, like, well, what have you just watched me solo? I'd be surprised if that hasn't happened. Who isn't touching themselves during sex six years in? I don't know.

A lot of people. Okay. Yeah, this is no shade. It's just like, this woman who wants to watch her husband jerk off, I'm sure has stroked her clit while she's on top. Well, if you haven't, start. I feel like I didn't do that until, like, my 30s. I was like, that's the sexiest thing I could ever do. Look at me.

I'm such a baddie. Okay. Well, great. Start there. I think you start there. I think he can watch you. And like, I dare him to not touch himself while he's watching you. Why do you tell him?

Why don't you sit there? They'll touch yourself. I'm just laughing, thinking about she's just always trying to catch him. Like, she's always, like, in the kitchen. She's like, sitting there masterpating. Like, she just walks around the house masturbating. She's like, you better look at me. Don't look away.

They're on a car trip, like a long car ride. Yeah, she traps him on a road trip. Exactly. He's like, why are you taking your seat on? He's driving. And she just starts masturbating. What are you going to do about it? You're driving.

But I mean, I really am rooting for you guys because I think it's so fun and like such a special treat. And I hope to do it till the day I die. Yes. Well, thank you guys so much for sharing. As always, we just love that you are so open with us and sharing your lives and allow us to do episodes like this with a lot of data. So I hope you enjoyed it. Girls Gotta Eat.com. Girls Got Eat Podcast and Instagram and TikTok.

I'm Ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok. Raina is Raina. org, Rana.org, dot, greenberg.com for her tour tickets this fall, tour starting soon. And you can watch a full video on Spotify and YouTube Vives Only. Get those sex toys. They're incredible. Lots on sale right now. So hit Vibesonly.com.

And that's it. We will see you guys Thursday. I don't even know where to go from here. Have a great week, guys. Bye.