Girls Gotta Eat - When You Know You Know feat. Matteo Lane

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

We are SO excited to welcome back the incomparable Matteo Lane! He fills us in on his recent whirlwind romance and wedding (with a special call-in from the new husband himself), gives us all the impressions (Barbara Corcoran, anyone?), and opens up about his insecurities. We also talk/laugh about flying and crying on planes, Selling Sunset, his career taking off, hair implants, and more. Before Matteo joins us, we're talking about liking/not liking your best friend's partner, Rayna's recent dating energy, and Ashley's airport hookup, plus new recs. Enjoy! Follow Matteo on Instagram @matteolane and visit his website for tour dates and more. Follow us @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Shop Vibes Only. Thank you to our partners this week: Hello Fresh: Get 50% off plus 15% off the next 2 months at hellofresh.com/50gge and use code 50GGE. Buffy: Get $20 off your order at buffy.co with promo code GGE. Nutrafol: Get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at nutrafol.com when you use promo code GGE. Hinge: Download Hinge https://hin.ge/GirlsGottaEat and share your dating intentions to find someone worth deleting the app for. Skims: Get free shipping on orders over $75 at skims.com. AG1: Get a free 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So I called him. I was like, I didn't want to say it that way. I wanted to wait so I was in Rome. He's like, why you have to be like that? Would you just say it? You feel like you say it. Why be honest with me? Why you have to pretend?

And I'm like, I hate. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Really? Welcome back. We missed you guys. Oh my gosh.

We took a whole week off. We missed you. Happy unofficial fall. Listen, don't be sad about it, you guys. We have a really fun fall plan for you. Don't be so sad. I get sad about fall sometimes. What?

Well, not in L.A. Are you even a white? girl. What do you mean? Summer's over. You hate when summer's over? I get a little sad. You know, I don't mind being hot. You're kind of sensitive. Yeah, I know. It does kind of feel like back to work. And there's only that one week in the fall that's nice. Everyone knows that one week in the fall. Well, not anymore. You know we live in California now. The fall is going to be so good because we have a tour that we've just started. We just did our London show and we have great vibes only toys coming out.

And we have so much fun stuff in the fall. Girls got to eat merch, all kinds of stuff. Yes. I cannot wait for these product releases and below gel flavors. There's a spoiler in this episode and I'm going to leave it. You are? Yeah. You know what it is. You know, just guess. Just guess what we're doing for fall.

White girl named Ashley. I had Joe Houston now. Well, I would say when I would do stand up when fall started, I would say this is my fucking Super Bowl. I'm a white girl named Ashley. Like, I have to love fall. It's like I had a whole bit about it. That's not the punchline.

But yeah, people would laugh at that. I said it once, like, off the cuff and people were like, oh, I mean, that is the most basic bitch shit. Uh-huh. And I love all of it. I can't wait. I love fall. Don't get me wrong. I love fall in L.A. even more.

Yes. So if you're new here, we have a sex toy company with a paired app. It's called Vibes Only. And we do this blow gel, which I got to say, I did use the blow gel this past weekend. You said it was juicy. It was definitely juicy. Orange blowjob. That orange cream circle blowjob.

It was really like sucking on a popsicle on a hot day. It was just an orange cream everywhere. Oh my God. That was really graphic. No, but I really do love it. Yes, I've tasted all the flavors, obviously, and I use everything that we sell. But I am just going to admit, I hadn't done the blow gel on a dick. I'm more the blow gel person.

Yeah, you're the blow gel tester. I mean, I tested the original flavors, the mango smoothie. It's just like never taste a dick again if you don't want to. Taste what we put on it. And the first of the fall formulas will be vulva friendly. So you can eat pussy with it. Yeah. I mean, we think it tastes great, but pussy.

We think pussy always takes great. But if you want to have a seasonal menu. You want that Christmas pussy. Oh, my God. We have that for you. There's just so much newness coming out. We're just very excited. We've been masturbating like crazy for you guys to bring you the most high-end

orgasm-inducing products. You can possibly find their beautiful. They're discreet. They come in discrete packaging. So if it gets at your dad's house, he'll never know. Yes. And we bring these to the tour dates, the live shows, and so you can win them. We're giving them away more prizes than ever.

More prizes. That's so funny. More prizes. Like, we have so much to give away. We have our own T-shirt cannons. We revealed them in Chicago for the first time. We had such a great time at EatsCon. This was like a month ago at this point, but we did the infatuations food festival.

So thank you guys all for coming to our daytime show. And yes, we bought the T-Jure cannons. They're branded. So they are going to be at all the shows. We didn't bring them to London. We didn't bring the guns overseas. Too much. Across the pond.

Yeah, exactly. So, unfortunately. So we're like, you know, doing the T-shirts and they're so much fun. And, like, these fall shows are going to be so lit. And then we don't really know we're touring again. Yeah, this is it for a while, probably. This will be it for a little while. So come to one of the fall shows.

If you don't live in one of these cities, make a vacation out of it. Get your girls. Get your guys. Get your gays. and come to the shows. Yes, Girls GottaEat.com, tickets, every single partner link, every episode we've ever done. It's a great website.

Check it out. Today, we just performed in London. My dad and my brother were there. It was really fun. I'm so excited to go on the fall tour because we just did the Chicago show and I got like a little taste of it. And we hadn't performed in it like six weeks.

Yeah. And I just got to like taste it. I'm like, oh, I miss it. I know. And you know, I have to tell you, Raina, I'm surprised you didn't bring this up. You're usually the person that, like, realizes this stuff.

But this week is our, Well, now I know. Five-year tour anniversary. I've never been on a stage of my life. September 12th. Yeah, I thought it was the 13th now. No, 12th. You know what was so funny.

So Ashley, yeah, I noticed that and I'd never been on a stage. And I just, I really credit Ashley with making me feel really comfortable on stage and allowing me to just, like, shine and be who I am. And I have become such a good performer because our audience is so wonderful. And I feel like it's such a loving room. But you've always been such a good soundboard helping me, like, work out my jokes and all that. I'm not a comedian, you know, like I'm not a stand. But I am an entertainer.

But it was so... So September is special, but October is like my big month and it's really crazy. I have to tell you what's so funny. So October I was telling Ashley, it blows my mind. Everybody I've ever been really into. I've either met or broken up with in October.

It is a 100% rate. And I'm running through all these people with Ashley, like every man in my life ever. I've either met them or broken up with them in October. You met your boyfriend in October. I did. So I'm talking about this. I'm talking about this.

And it never occurs to me all these years. I met you in October. Oh my God. The most important person in the world. What in the world? Okay, that is so crazy. I know. It really is so wild.

Like, I'm thinking about Sparkle-Eyes, you, J. My nephew was born in October. I wonder what that is. Wow. My, my, my. Here we are. That's so crazy. But I met you in October.

I've told this story about October so many times. And I'm never like, oh, I met Ashley in October. That's so funny. Yes. Our friend anniversary is the ninth. Ben J's birthday is the eighth. And then we met Sparkle Eyes Halloween weekend. It was a holiday weekend.

The 20th night. We looked it up because I was like it was a 28th of the 29th. So I'm glad we're talking about Sparkleys because I have like notes for today. And I was like both of our notes were probably just Sparkleyes today. But I knew that's my boyfriend. That's what we call him. Yeah, that's Ashley's boyfriend. Sparkleyes.

I have not had one-on-one time with him because the only times I've spent with him was in like Dewey for your birthday and there was 12 people who I like never see. So what did I say? Dewey. Dewey is always your birthday. So we were in Cabo and I just didn't get any one-on-one-one one time with him also that was his first time meeting everybody.

My first time meeting people, I'm just like, I don't get into that with that as much. So he came to Chicago on a work trip and I will say that sounds like he had to travel for work. You're saying it was our work trip. He came on our work trip. He attended our work trip. I'm going to say the nice thing I can say about

anybody. He didn't annoy me for one second. And you and I can't say that about each other. He is not annoying. He's just not annoying. He never annoys me. I know it hasn't been that long, but like, he's never going to annoy you. I know. He's not. He doesn't have annoying energy. First of all, he came to like, we had our team with us. We had Tessa and we had Ashley who works for us or other Ashley. And it really was like, I mean, he didn't intrude upon a work trip. He was invited. But he had lunch with us. And then he came to the show and he sat and watched the show with our. other Ashley and he was in the green room the whole time. And I just felt like him and I, like, bonded.

It was the person I got like one-on-one quiet time with him. I don't care who any of my friends date. It doesn't matter to me. I'll never see them. I was even saying to our friend, I just got the other day. I was like, if Sean annoyed me, I don't care, I'll never see that guy again. If any of my friends are married to or dating somebody I don't like, what, it doesn't affect my fucking life. But if you dated somebody I didn't like, it would affect my fucking life, like, deeply.

And so I just really liked getting to know him better. But then he sent me a text message, which we'll talk about at the shows, but now we're side texting about you. I know. It just made me really happy. It just made me really happy. I mean, yeah, you guys have to get along.

And not that you didn't. I don't think that you had, had like, a bonding moment. Getting along and really liking somebody or different things to me. I could tolerate most people, but like I look forward to, like, being around him. Yeah.

And I think that he felt like he had more of a closeness with you because he, like, listens to the show now. He watches on YouTube. And I don't know. I just was like, you haven't bonded with Raina yet, really. And I feel like he was like, but I know Rayna, you know. And I'm like, no, you don't.

She doesn't know you like that. I said her name the other. I was like, you're a stranger. I don't know you. So, it's twice. It really, like, met a lot. And then we, like, all left Chicago together. We went to the airport.

And listen, never felt like a cock more in my whole life. So he and I had been out all day. It was the hottest day that I've been in Chicago. By far. Like, we used to always go to Chicago in the winter, which was a miss. But, like, then I've been in the summer a lot because then you're like, that's when you go. And we had done the architecture tour. I was like my panties were wet and not in a good way.

Like my skims thong was soaked through. I was only wearing it because I was wearing a skirt. Like I was drenched in sweat. I was at the pool and I was like, I can't be here. And we were just in the full sun on this tour. I was just like, I am soaked. I'm slimy. And then we just walked around the whole day.

And so we were disgusting. And we got back to the hotel and they didn't have a shower for us to shower off, which is like, I can't. The Hoxton. What are you guys doing? Your four stars, no robes, communal showers. So anyway, no shade. but listen, you got to have robes.

You don't get four stars without robes. I had a whole plan when he walked in the hotel room. I was going to be wearing the robes and the new lingerie I got. Couldn't do it. It's so funny. This is like the most like Ash's in a relationship, but I'm not. I had the most exciting plan, planned from each other. I was going to put on a robe and order Nando's chicken and sit alone and watch Vanderpump

Rules. Ruin both of our robe fantasies. So we come back and we're just sitting in the lobby. I'm like, don't do like, I don't want anyone to touch me. And so I was like Googling lounges. We flew American, which you know how we feel. We were going to Philly. Something we could do about it.

So we flew American and I was like Googling the lounges. There's a couple different American lounges in Chicago in O'Hare in the airport. I was like, are there any with showers? And there was one with showers. So we got to the lounge. It was like in our terminal. And this is the first time I've used to shower in an airport lounge. Yeah.

And I was like, I'll just go find us some seats. I got some soup. I was sitting alone. You're alone with your soup. He and I are hooking up in the shower. This fan runs out to me. She's like, oh my gosh, Ashley, your two is like she's getting fucked in the shower. while I sit here and hold down our seats and drink soup alone.

Here's the thing. I had a friend so many years ago that met a guy in the Delta lounge and fucked him in the shower. And I was just like, Icon. You know, like, wow, they were on a crazy delay. You know, you're like drinking at the bar. Eight hours delayed you. They went and fucked in the shower. I was like, you are a fucking legend.

Fantasy, yeah. So I've always just been like, I want to have fucking the shower in the airport lounge. And we had to shower. Like, it wasn't even this like, let's fulfill the fantasy. We were like literally disgusting. So we like brought changes to the clothes. and stuff. And, you know, it's kind of funny because he and I were walking around with our bags trying to find the shower. They were, like, in an obscure place. And then they were locked. So I had to go to the front of the lounge.

And I had to give my license and get a key, like, at least in the Admiral's Outge. It's not all willy-nilly. They take your license. And they were eyeing me up. I could feel that they were like, she's trying to fuck in there. Like, I feel. Everyone is trying to fuck in there. We also really had to shower. Yeah, everyone has to really shower and also have sex in there. You guys did a whole photo shoot. You're peering out of the shower. Hewled all smiling. you guys took selfies. I'm eating soup alone. Every is a really crowded Sunday night lounge in Chicago at the airport. I'll be like, can I have the seat? Can I? No, I'm just holding it down eating soup while my friend gets fucked in the shower.

You can't sit here. Need to hold these arm chairs for my friend. What a good friend. You would do it for me. Of course I would. I would be like, I would be telling everybody. I'd be so proud. I'm like, no, I'm saving these seats.

She's just getting fucked to the shower. So we flew there. They went to Dewee. We had a really fun girls trip with a couple of our girlfriends. Low-key trip. It wasn't over a weekend. It was not your standard. But it was like nice.

It was like lots of like just girlfriend time, deep talks. A lot of emotion. A lot of trauma unpacking. And then baby Jay, of course. He gets cuter every time I see him. He is one month now away from being one. I can't even believe it. So much.

You know I love when he does. So we had a very long vibes only meeting at your brother's house for like two hours. And Jay just like sits through the meetings on your lap. and it thinks me. We're talking about dildos. Yeah. I'll bring him up on my lap and he'll just be like looking at the Zoom. Oh my God. I love him. So so, so much. And then I went to Boston to be with Sparkle Eyes. So like, spoiler alert, he lives in Boston. He's from Boston. And it's funny because I was seeing different like, the girls got to eat listeners around town. And some of them were DMing me. And they were like, we knew it. We won. Like this girl goes, all of Boston knew it. We won, bitches.

And Raina, the way. that they would greet us, girls would come up, Ashley, oh my God, Sparkle Eyes. No one didn't call him Sparkle Eyes. And he goes, that's me. And this one girl, we walked out of the hotel. We, like, just had such a nice time. We were, like, walking to get coffee in the morning. I hear this girl scream after me. Ashley! Thumbs up. She puts her thumb in the air. I love our audience. Some walk by me at the farmer's market on Sunday. He goes, Raida, fucking Greenberg. And then she just kept walking. Yeah, the energy is amazing. And, you know, like, Boston is just our fave.

And it's just, that's like where I met him at a show. And it just has been this thing and girls got to eat touring history. I was one of the first cities where we were like, oh, my God, we sold this out so quick. That probably was. Like the Wilbur the first time in 2019, we were like, oh, my God. Like, are we really famous? Yeah. So it just means a lot.

All the performers we've had there. And like, you know, you met our video guy there. So the same night I met spark lies. It comes up. It comes up later on today. But so I'd like. loved being there with him and, like, seeing where he was from. And, like, I just had the best weekend. It was just really nice. Like, doing stuff that we both enjoy, you know, like, we talked

with this with Nick Vile. This isn't like a hot take. But just, like, stuff that we both like, we get joy out of the same things. Like, what we want to do in the morning. We want to walk. We want to go get coffee. We've got coffee. This cute place. Walked around Seaport. Like, also hate the same things. We, like, we hate the same things. Yes. We, like, really just, I mean, we've no conflict yet. Like, everything just feels really easy. Never annoys me. He's so easy going. Isn't, I mean, again, still. I mean, again, really early, but if I'm running late, which I always am, you know, getting ready. And it was just really nice. And I planned so many trips. This summer has been a lot for me, like all of Cabo. And when I'm in Dewey,

I have to do that. That's where I'm from. I plan for everybody. I've made all the dinner reservations. I have to tell you what time we're going, what we're doing, the beach, all the things. And like, even Chicago, having him there with me. I'm the person that's been to Chicago more. And it was just everything was planned for me. It was just like he planned every dinner. He had a driver for us one night. I just got to relax. He, like, drove me around. He was a really nice car. Like everything was so nice and it was nice to see like where he's from and do like the hometown tour. And at this point, you know, he's been my hometown and I've been his hometown and like we've seen where each other like went to elementary school all the way up to high school like where we rode bikes around with our friends and the houses we grew up in. That just like bonds you to someone like seeing where they're from for real.

It makes or breaks a relationship for me. Like it either makes you feel like, ugh, I do not want to be a part of this. What makes you you, I just don't like it. I don't vibe with your family. Your friends are not my vibe or you were just like I need to see. exactly why you are the way you are and I love it. Yeah. And I met his sister and her husband and I love that he has an older sister and I have a younger brother. And so we have that in common. And we did a dinner, night out with them. And I just loved them. And I loved all his friends. So his friends did

this big backyard like steak thing. They had this one friend that's a great chef. He cooked all these steaks. And it was like all of his friends. And I just find it so important. Somebody that has friends that they've had for a really long time that they really care about. They care about them. and met, you know, his close guy friends and their wives and girlfriends and fiancés and, like, with the guy's house, it was his mom. I loved. You know, everybody was just like, you make him so happy and everybody was really welcoming. And I don't know, you know, he kind of like prepared me. I think he thought people were going to kind of like roast him. And I was just like, no one, every's so happy for you. Like, everybody's so great and they're so nice. And I just loved

being around all of that. I haven't heard about this trip that much because yesterday you had to like wake up, fix this mistake that I made. You had to, like, fly rid of my house. We recorded all day. I don't know how you got here at 10. You left like six. I don't know that happened. I haven't heard about this trip. This morning I was like, you should tell me about this trip. I know. I do have more stuff that's like off the record to tell you. There's some other things. Sometimes we share private stuff. Yeah. But I mean, I wasn't worried about it, but you know like I've taken somebody home before and I told you I like fell out of love with that person on that trip. I hear that all the time. I mean, your neighbor told us that story. He like brought someone to me his family. They broke up on

the trip. Uh-huh. And he was like, I couldn't be fake. I couldn't hold it back. Yes. I took somebody home and I just was like watching you interact with the people in my life made me just realize we're not the same in a way that is never going to get better basically. And he is the kindest, most wonderful person. I don't anything bad to say about him, but I was just like, I don't, I don't enjoy this. And it can really make a break a relationship for me. And like the person I was engaged to, for example, like his family was Jewish. They work in food. We just had so much in common. And like that really bonded me to him. So yeah, I knew the trip was going to be great. but I'm glad it was like so, so great.

Thank you. He really saw my Beyonce obsession because the tickets came through as we were laying in bed and we got our tickets. We paid for them, but we got them through Live Nation, through our agent helped us out,

and we just hadn't gotten them yet. And it was like the concert was coming up and so I didn't know where our seats were going to be and I've been like panicked about this for weeks. I'm checking in every week. And I saw the tickets. I started to cry a little because they were so good and they're like VIP.

They're in the 100 level. At this point the concert is over, but we're recording before we go. and I turned into a different person. It was Beyonce only. I was in his car the next day. I was like, it's Beyonce only. We have to play Beyonce.

And I was like doing a faux blown concert. Like he really saw the real me. And at one point he goes, I didn't know how he felt about Beyonce. I knew he was like okay with her, but I feel like I didn't want to know because it can like change my whole perception of somebody. This is kind of what did with Andrew Schultz.

Ashley, I'm talking about it primarily. I was still like a fan of Andrew. But and he was like lemonade, man, that's one of the best albums ever, no skips. And I was like, I will suck your dick right now.

She texted the whole group. She was like, No, he just low-key told me he loves lemonade. Everybody in the group was like, suck his dick now. I was like, get the orange cream sick loud. Okay, also just last thing. Boston is also a crazy special thing because I was at the Boston Harbor Hotel the night before I met you in October. What?

Right. Oh, that wedding. Yeah, so Boston's really important to me. October's really important to me. Okay, stay tuned. Crazy stuff's going to happen in October for me. I know. All right.

Listen, let's take a break because we really need to. Okay. But then I want to say something about you. Great. I want to say a lot of things about me. Let's talk about me. Okay, so you've just been so funny lately because these guys have been coming to your life. You're like, I don't want it. Not good enough. No, pass next. It's just so funny. Like you're, you send me this voice note and the energy. He's just like, I don't know. He's just like trying to be this, trying to be that. He's trying to see me. I really don't give a fuck.

And like the energy is very like, I'm waiting until October. Like, it's very like nothing matters now. Truly. No, we're in home stretch time. October's around the corner. I mean, you seem unbothered until October. Like, it's like you truly feel like something is going to happen in October. I'll be bothered in October. You'll be bothered. Oh my God, it's Halloween.

Right. He's like, fuck! I'm still single! It's nothing terrible. I do not find a boyfriend in October. I have to wait until next October. That is so crazy. Oh my God, right?

That is so, like, 30 days of the year. I'm 30 days a year to find a boyfriend and that's it. 31. I don't know how many days is it. You know what day Halloween's on? No. October 31st. I'm not a big Halloween guy.

I don't care about it. Don't judge me, you guys. Yeah, I'm unbothered. Also, like, I said to you, and I said, like, maybe it's subconsciously, but, like, I've been really in love. I've gone on dates with people that I've, like, been like, this is the person, this is the person.

If I don't feel like that, I don't want to be bothered. And I know how I feel when I'm in love. I see how you are right now. And it's just like, that's the bar. And I just don't need to, like, well, around these people that I'm like, I don't care about this. I mean, I know.

I just don't, like, I'm not going to make this whole episode about how it feels, how in love I am, but like it just is like... You haven't said this on our show in six years, so... Right. You can go pretty hard. You're going to go pretty hard. Yeah. And like...

People are like, oh, Ashley, you get two episodes about this. Right, right. Yeah, I mean, it's just like nothing feels better and like nothing feels better when it's completely reciprocated and you're like zero percent doubt. I feel like I'm in a movie. Like, I can't believe this. Like, we're that corny-ass couple that's like,

is this real life? You know? And so you should... settle for anything less, you know? And of course, like, we've done these episodes about the emotional unavailability and things like that. And I feel for people that really have never really seen that or experienced that or don't know what that looks like. But I mean, I hope that you can feel that. I have a friend that's married and she's just been married for a while. And I just, I just feel like she's never felt that, you know, I'm feeling she's never felt that like deep

obsession in a healthy way, you know, not like an unhealthy obsession and that like passion and like what it feels like to just lay in bed and like stare into someone's eyes and be like, we're so lucky. You know what I mean? Like everyone should be able to feel that and should end up someone that makes them feel that way. And it's like, I'm watching the ultimatum. I'm Netflix. I'm like, this isn't it. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's rare and it's hard to find. You can talk this way in six years. So, like, it is rare. And I think that we just, we all deserve to be with somebody that wants to be with us and to feel loved and to feel that it's intentional and to feel like it's 100% reciprocated. And if you don't have it right now, like, don't settle for like less than that.

Yeah. I mean, fuck around. Have fun. Meet people. Figure out what you want. Like, be unbothered like me until October. Yeah. until it happens. And like someone sent me this message. I think this is listener from, I think she was in Germany even. And she was just like seeing you in this relationship and how have you are really gives me hope that it's never too late. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, it's funny. It's giving like Carrie Bradshaw, you know, like I met him at 39 right on the cuss. But sure. I mean, that's a lot older than some people would think. You know, and here I am talking about this. I mean, who's to say what's going to happen? But I do see this being like long term, you know, like, so yes, I guess it's a funny thing to say,

never too late because I don't think like 40s old. You know, like, we look at the world differently, but that's really old. Some people like, what do you mean? I can't imagine not finding the person by 30 or by 27. You know what I mean? I think we just put a lot of pressure on ourselves to find the career by 30, to find the partner by 30 that we want to marry, that we want to have kids with.

And Mateo says this and I don't want to steal his center, but he talks about how he had sort of, before he got married to his current partner, he had just resigned that he was going to be a successful person that made a lot of money and that was going to be enough. You know, it's okay to resign to that. But I think that like the ultimatum is such a good thing to talk about because I look at all these people and I'm like, you don't make each other happy.

What are we doing here? None of you want to be with each other. It, this is not it. And you're young. You know, like get out of this. Like all those couples need to fucking break up. All of them. I'm just like, you hate each other.

All of you hate each other. You're just unsure. Like I go back to that one TikTok. I got to find this and play the audio one day. But like there's one thing. It's that he's sure about you. I can work with everything else. most other thing.

That's it. That's it. Can you imagine bringing a man on this show? The ultimate him? Oh, no. I was like, this show? Yeah, I can imagine. Can you imagine just, you're like,

I got to bring this man on Netflix because he can't decide. I mean, the epiphanies they have on that show are wild. So I think about the actual steps to get on the show and you like present the concept, you talk about what it is, they watch an episode or two. And then there is so much that goes on.

I think with a mental health screening, you've to sign all kinds of certificates, get a lawyer involved, sign a contract, and then shooting starts. There's a lot of stuff that happens in between when you introduce this and then you do it. You've gone through all those steps just to go on national television and be like, my relationship is bad. I know. I want to break up. You guys should break up.

All of you. Right. They actually tell you, they're like, there is no show, but you should break up. Vanessa calls you. She's all fucked up. She's like, anyway. I gave Nick an ultimatum. She can't bring it up enough.

Okay. So the ultimatum was one of my wrecks. On the plane recently. I watched, I want to dance with somebody, which is the Whitney Houston movie from 2022. I think there's another documentary. It comes up again. Really loved it. But we break it down and more with Mateo. Are you there? God, it's me, Margaret. I watched that movie on the plane. I really enjoyed it. It didn't blow my mind. And then I couldn't remember if the book was so much about religion like the movie is, but I read it when I was a kid. But I did like it was a kid. And I did like that's all I had. One thing, though, I want to talk about the ultimatum. This woman, Roxanne, we've looked her up and what she does because she talks like she's Bill Gates. Like, you would think she's... I'm a about my business. I'm about my money. She says ambition, money, career entrepreneur. You're an entrepreneur? You're an entrepreneur? You literally think she's Jeff Bezos. It's crazy. She has nipple covers. She has a nipple cover business. Which, listen, respect for anything that you create. Like, we have a sex toy company. You know what? Like, it's not that, but I'm not walking into rooms telling every person I'm an entrepreneur. Yeah, like, I'm the baddest bitch on the planet,

nipple covers. But I started thinking this as I was on the Instagram last night. Why are we covering our nipples? I was like, I know these things exist, but literally why? And I, like, posted this on Instagram. You guys can go look at it. I posted a carousel from Dewey. And my last photo is, like, my nipples are out. My nipples are out today. I'm not wearing a bra with this.

Like, nipples are hot. All the comments are nipples. Samantha Jones, Rachel Green. Like, Sparkleyes loves it. Like, what are we doing covering our nipples? My only thing that I would think that they were for, and I don't, she's probably going to call on this and be like, I have 100 reasons you put no-cover covers on.

I don't want to throw... Formal wear, like, really thin, silk formal wear to like, a professional engagement. We don't real jobs. So like in an office, you don't want your nipples. Like if you wore that nipple shirt to a job, like at Amazon, they would send you home. I know, but I would just wear a bra. They're distracting other people.

And I guess our whole thing is to go brawless, which I also support. Like, and this is just not, I'm not throwing shade. I'm talking about the industry. There's all these other nipple cover brands too. She's not the first. So I'm just like, you're right. I mean, and I think that like, listen, that shirt that I post on my Instagram, it is a little light colored.

You can see a little aerial. I don't care. I love it all day. Titties out. there for the comment section. Yeah, you're a comment. I'm just here for the nipple comments. Got all the likes.

But anyway, I just got in this like, what are we doing here? And I guess you're right. There are certain occasions. But in those occasions, I would probably just wear a bra. I'm digging deep for this girl. The one dress I'm thinking of Kate Hudson

and how to lose a guy in 10 days and she's wearing the silk, sheer, yellow dress to like a professional engagement. But like, that is a lot of tears to cross that you're like. That's, yes, exactly. Like, there's one instance where I guess. Right. But I'm just like, what are we doing?

here. And anyway, this is just my endorsement and my encouragement to nipples out. Great, nipples out. I don't have to wear a bra anymore. I'm thrilled. Yeah. Titty's swinging. Slinging. Titty's slinging. All right. So my wrecks, the Amber Hurd Johnny Depp documentary. I just didn't really get into the trial. So I wasn't like part of the culture. So I found it interesting, albeit very disturbing, but it's an interesting cultural moment. I am obsessed with this show called At Home with the Furies. It's Tyson Fury. He's like a world heavyweight champion. He's very famous. He's six-foot-nine, bald, beard, just a neandrothal-looking man. He's so sexy. It's him, and he's retired from boxing just now. It's like, is he going to go back to boxing?

It's reality show, but him and his wife and his wife and his wife and his wife and his wife's Paris. Their daughter's names are Venezuela. Okay. Venezuela, Vienna, Adonis, Cash, like the kids have crazy names. Okay, yeah, yeah. And I don't know, I'm just, I'm really liking it. They talk about some mental health stuff that I think is interesting, but I don't know, I'm enjoying it. Mostly just because I like looking at him. I think he's sexy. Okay.

And I'm enjoying The Ultimatum. And I read two murder books recently. I read Never Lie, which is the second book after the house made the same author. It's just like a trashy like thriller. I really liked it. I flew right through it. And Dark Places, which is by Jillian Flynn, who wrote Sharp Objects and Gone Girl. I liked it.

It's my least favorite of all of her books, but the bar is set so high because I love her books so much. I think that's it. I'm reading Woman in the Window, slowly. And I'm about to read The Handmaids too. That's it. Oh, okay. I wanted something different. I needed a break from romance and murder, so I'm doing dystopian futures. Okay.

Oh, right, right. Okay. All right. Well, is that it? Yes, that's it. Okay. Time for Mateo. Okay, guys, we are so excited to welcome back a guest to the show today.

His first L.A. appearance on Girls Got to eat. He is an incredible worldwide comedian. His Al Dente tour is starting now with dozens of stars. internationally all over the world. Please welcome back to the show, Mateo Lane. It's me, Cher. I just want to say, oh, son of you son of a bitch.

I think about our episode with you from 2018 all the time. What impressions was I doing? Chaos. You do Christine Aguilera. Well, you also said Arianna Grande just sung in one note, and I've never forgotten it. And like, Saga, Salsa.

You did. Addiction of a fog machine. You did. What's her name from? They give you money for starting business. Shark tank. Shark tank. So my name's Barbara Corkin.

I want to talk to you about your product. You're young, smart, and sexy. And you remind me myself when I was younger. So for that reason, I'm out. She also randomly was on Hannah Werner's podcast. She was? How did you get her? I got to talk to Hannah.

I got to text Hannah. Right? Am I was doing some shit? Yeah, okay. Hannah was with Haley Bieber the other day. Like, Hannah is always just in some shit. Cool. The Jonas's.

But Cher, shares my top for you. Oh. Okay, sometimes I get when I'm like all done up and my hair is like rarely stray. Sometimes people tell me I'm giving young share. That's hot. Not now in bike shorts and this skim's t-shirt.

You're saying you're not in a Bob Mackey outfit right now for 1978? When I was in fifth grade all like younger, I wouldn't be a fashion designer and I could not dress. I didn't know anything about clothes. I was like wearing clothes from Walmart. And I was like, I'm going to be a fashion designer. And the only fashion designer back then was like Bob Mackey. So that's the only name I had in my head.

I mean, I don't know, Coco Chanel. But like my grandmother, I was like, what fashion designer can I like be like? And it was like Bob Mackey was like the only name that was like on the table. She was like, why don't you learn how to dress before you try to dress other people? You know, I went and saw the share musical that Bob Mackey did all the costumes for that musical. But it was a terrible musical. I mean, what they did is it was. focusing on one moment of her life.

They sped, and shares in her 70s, they sped through every moment of her life. Like, even when she got her first period. I mean, it was just like so much of her life. So they're just, we're just rushing through Cher's life. It's like a panic attack is happening. It's hosted by three different shares. So Young Share, present share, and then Old Share. Okay.

So it's even more confusing because it's like Christmas past and Christmas present. Totally. And then at one point, this is how dumb the tourists were. We're sitting there. The woman behind is clearly, like, has never been. to a Broadway show. At one point, Sunny says to Share, if you leave me, America will never love you again. And the woman goes, no, complete shit.

I'll never forget that woman. I'll never forget her. Because I was furious the whole time I'm sitting there like, this stinks. This stinks to high heaven. And then she was like, I'm like, she didn't know what happened. Happened 30 years ago. I was watching, I think I was seen straight out of Compton with an ex of mine. And I was like getting so upset when Easy E was dying. He was like, Ashley, you know he fucking died, right?

I was like, wait, so. Have I derailed the podcast already? No, I actually hate a spoiler. I am so excited for a spoiler. I love period pieces because I know what's going to happen. Oh my God. Real stories, yeah. Well, wait, so did you-

Documentary? Please don't. We're still going to watch that one. We have plans this weekend. So are you a Whitney Houston person? Do you think I turned gay yesterday? Did you watch her like the 2022 movie? I want to dance with somebody.

So I just watched on the plane. So I've got like Whitney on the brain and like it was just so tragic. Well, it wasn't a good movie. I don't think. I think it's just. The story is the same. I feel like even with Elvis, it's the same story. It's like rise to fame, like, supporting your family, drugs, like, and tragic death.

It's just like, God. I saw it with Mia Jackson and we were furious about the costuming. We were furious about it. Oh, really? We were furious about it. And we know Whitney so well that they would, like, show her in certain eras that wasn't the right era. Okay.

You know, I mean, it's not that the acting was bad. It's just it felt like cheap. Okay. And we shouldn't do that to Whitney. I mean, she literally got home from a concert and just opened up her vanity and did crack cocaine. I was like, okay, let's slow down that crack moment. I was like, we didn't even know she was doing crack. No, that's how they introduced

that she's doing crack? Well, she gets home and Bobby's out and Bobby Christina sleeping and Bobby's obviously out cheating and she just pulls out a crack pipe and you were like, well, where did how did we get here? Where do we get? It was Bobby's crack pipe. Seconds ago she was winning a Grammy and now she's fully in a crack. Okay, thank you because I was like also

she started with crack. Where did her drug journey begin? What was the gateway to crack? But to your point about Cher, it's like trying to cram someone's whole life into two hours is tough and I didn't think it was like the worst job in the world but yeah yeah I think like the Judy Garley movie was really smart because they like focused on one moment of her life and can kind of bring in other parts of her past which makes it more interesting because you're just staying focused on one moment and um I think with like Whitney and like the share musical like yeah like we're

just speed lunking through this person's life and now I have so disassociated like I don't even care anymore like bobby she's like get the fuck out of my house and she's like then he's just there on the tour and she's on crack. You're like, whoa. Like, huh? What? Right. At the end, I was like, is this when she died? And then I'm like, did she go to Clive Davis's Grammy Party? Is that the night she died? I kind of forgot the night she died. When did she die?

She died in 2011. Okay. And then I think of that was. Bobby Christina died in a bathtub too. It was like, the whole story. The whole family is so tragic. It's like, and I remember talking to John early about this once where he was saying like, there's certain singers, out there who kind of like slowly rise up and up and up like, you know, and build their fame.

But like some singers, Mariah, Whitney, Judy Garland, you know, these kind of people. It's like they explode and they flare up really big. And then sometimes it doesn't go well. And if you have- Mariah's maintained it. But like, she was so big. Yeah. Everybody wanted a piece of her.

And if you have anything less than a perfect family, if you have even the smallest bit of someone that wants to take advantage, it's over for you. Yeah. Brittany, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Poor Brittany. I just feel like people should leave her alone. Oh.

Well. We completely do real. I mean, we're supposed to be having fun. Now we're like, Whitney Houston. I'm having fun. I'm really enjoying it. When she's singing at the Super Bowl,

I was crying on a plane. I was like, losing my mom. Yeah. Well, I always cry on planes. That's what is. It is so hard on planes. Okay, I was asking, what are we doing?

What is the most you cried during a movie? I asked her and I have a new answer. Benjamin Button is the hardest. I have cried. And she is, Benjamin button. On a plane? In the world.

It is the hardest I've cried during a movie. I was on a plane. I took like seven cry breaks. I was not just weepy. I was gulping for air crying, like ugly face crying, facing the window like, dear God,

I hope no one sees this. A wrinkly old baby. Do you think you would have cried like that in your home? Or it was the plane? I think it was the altitude? I hope so. Seriously. Seven cry breaks. My God. I'm really like ugly face crying.

Did a flight attendant come over and ask if you were okay? You were in first class. I was in Delta one. I was in Delta one. And I was like, don't look at me. Were you also sobbing at the Delta announcements? They were like, make sure your seatbelt. I can't handle this.

I was drinking. I mean, it's just a lot of stuff. It's the altitude. Crying on planes is it's a thing. A lot of people die in that movie. I was just going to ask you if you know this. What? I've never even seen it.

It's incredible. I think this is something Rader really wanted to talk about. She needs to get all her chums. Wait, who plays Benjamin? Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt. The most favorite. Brad Pitt and Dobly or whatever his name is from Harry Potter.

Remember like, you know, Dobby. Yeah. Those two. They play the same character. Those are the Olson twins. Like, they played the same character. Oh my God. I forgot it was Brad Pitt.

It was Brad Pitt. That's embarrassing for Brad Pitt. It's an incredible movie. It's an amazing movie. It's incredible. incredible. Is it? So much happens.

It's like Forrest Gump. It is on the level of Forrest Gump. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Horace Gump's another one. It's like, what is this? That was the hard as I cried when they were like, and Jenny died on a Wednesday. Yeah. We knew that was happening.

But also, I was too young. And I was like, I didn't understand that it was like AIDS. I will be born fly away, Jenny. That was your audition. How come he's not canceled for that? What was that? Kelly Field is the only redeeming part of that movie. It has not aged well.

No, it hasn't aged well at all. It's like wildly offensive. Okay, I'm going to tell you something that might get me canceled that's offensive. Say it. You can cut this if you make me. So when you were coming on the show like five years ago or something, you were like a really early guest of ours. We had Emma Wilman on the show and she introduced us to you.

And you weren't the first gay man on the show. I think you're the second gay man on the show. And I was like, Ashley, we were talking about what to talk you about. Christycephina was the first? Yes. Actually, you know what it was, it was Mayeron. Oh, Mayeron. I love Marlon.

He was really early on. You were the first gay man in the house studio. Ashley, I were talking about what you about. And I was like, let's talk to you about being gay. And Ashley was like, Raina,

we can't talk to every gay person about being gay. I did Bobby Lee's podcast yesterday. And I was laughing so hard because he was the first thing out of his mouth. He's like, okay, so I just want to ask you, how old I said,

don't you dare ask me about coming out? We've heard it. I've said it before. I've said it a thousand times. Like, I'm gay. I worked at Michaels, you know. Was he about to ask? They were laughing so hard.

And then finally, and he's like, okay, it was going to ask you. Like, when did you know you were gay? I was like, birth.

I used to ask those kind of generic questions. And now we're like, let's just chat. Ashley was like, we can just talk to people like their people, you know? I mean, I did it open with a share impression.

So you have every right to ask me about being gay. Well, I think that there weren't like millions of podcasts back then. There weren't as many interviews about literally everything back then. So I was like, that's my hot take. That's my head. Back in my.

Yay, three years ago. Okay, Mateo, do you know what the hardest you cried in a movie? Yes, I was on my way to Scotland. I was doing some Scottish comedy festival. This is like maybe five years ago. And for some reason, the plane was empty. And the flight attendant was very gay and hitting on me. And I liked that because I get free things.

So I put on Coco. I'd never seen Coco before. Is this a Chanel movie? That's what I thought. It's the Disney movie. What? About the Mexico Chanel. Mexican family

starring Miguel and they go into the dead world So not Coco Not Coco Chanel Under no circumstances No but so at the end There's a scene where he's singing to his abuela And he's singing

Remember me And I When I say I was like you and Benjamin Buttons I was losing it I couldn't control myself And the British Lightingtoner came up to me He was like I don't know she's got a bit of the shniffles

Do you want me to go She's back and get you something I was like no Like I was So embarrassing I'd be like, don't talk to me. Yes, like, you guys know what's going on here. We're all watching movies and crying.

Don't ask if we're okay. That's crazy. We'll signal you if we need help. Like, I watched a dog's purpose on a plane, like a complete mass. I lost all my respect for you. I ripped my earbuds out. But the hardest. Wait, why is it?

Ripping your earbuds out. Like, I'm not going to do this anymore. I can't say this anymore. watching a dog's purpose. When that police dog dies, I was like, and they came out. It was like so bad. And then that movie,

wonder about that kid that wears that helmet. I watched that now. I'll give my stomach. First of all, what are we watching on planes? You're watching Benjamin Button. You're watching a dog's purpose, and I'm watching a kid's movie.

go-go. I'm usually watching Crazy Rich Asians. It's my normal plane movie, and I cry so hard. Paratrap's a good one. Crazy Rich Asians, I've been got to be one of the number ones. It's my number one. I'm playing. I cry so hard.

Love you, Aquafina. I was just watched The Parent Trap with Rodrigo on our way back from, I forget where we're coming back from. And that's a good plane movie. Jared Fried and I talk about that. It's a good plane movie. Totally. Parent Trap.

It's always going to be fun. I love Meredith Blake. But every time she sees her mom. Because no one gives a shit about dance. Every time she meets her mom for the first time, I weep. But I have this thing, and I don't know what's, I think it's I'm cursed. Anytime I'm getting to something I want, like in a conversation, the climax in a conversation or a scene in a movie, I'm wildly interrupted by a waiter or something.

Like, you could be at a table of 12 and everyone's going on about their life story. The second, I'm at my climax. I'll be like, and then she came up the stairs. Does anyone need anything? Oh, like telling a story. Oh, my God. It makes me feel crazy. Can you not feel the vibe?

Okay, you know, when you get a black card and you can select like, don't talk to me under any circumstances. Yeah. Yes. You just do that in first class, an expensive restaurant. There's the don't interrupt me, but there's nothing worse when the server comes over right before the punchline. And then everybody else kind of gets distracted.

And you're like, can I get back to that? No, you've lost the moment. And so that happened when I was watching the parent trap. She's littered the whole movie, no interruption. The one thing I want to see, she's running up the stairs to her mom. We just want to make a quick announcement here that we are flying. over the Grand Canyon. So if you look to your line,

like, no one cares. She's meeting her mother, you monster. Unless we're crashing into it, I don't care. Unless the plane's going down. Oh my God. I've never heard anyone say that. It's true.

Unless my life is under danger, let me watch Benjamin Buttons alone. Okay, I have to tell you, Mateo, that I watch bros on a plane, which was so fun to watch, like, gay sex on a plane. What's bro? Like Bill Eagner. Actually, I'm obsessed.

And there was like a kid kind of catty corner. And when they start having this orgy, I was like, this kid's, this is when he finds out he's gay. Because it's crazy to watch like mild porn on a plane. Yeah. Because there was like an old man watching some like hot young 23 old getting fucked on a plane. I'm like, what? Trevor Wallace just shot a sketch about it. Really?

About being on planes? About like watching like porn on a plane. Essentially like porn on a plane. Yeah. Well, is it Trevor who does the joke that like every guy on a plane is hard? that like 75% of men are just rock solid on a plane. I don't think I've ever gotten the horror plane. Well, little Sasquatch does a bit about like when you're sitting next to a person on a plane and you're like, they're in love with me.

Like, you just have a feeling that you're like, this is my moment. You know, like, they've got to be fantasizing about me. The energy I give off on a plane is anger. I don't want anyone to talk to me. And there's times people try and talk to me and I'm like, I'm not. I'll crash us into the Grand Canyon if you try to talk to me. Have you ever, like, it's so rare, but you sit down and they, introduce themselves.

I will get up and move into economy. I'll sit on the wing. I'll risk my life. I'll risk my life. I'll sit in that little closet in the front where they put like, you'll be on the jump seat. Yeah. They land and you just come pouring out of it.

You're like, I'm sorry. He tried to introduce himself. Everyone's like, ma'am, we get it. We are so sorry. We're going to give you 20,000 free miles from Delta for that. Well, shout out to Delta just came up to me. I was fine. Boston last weekend.

Came over. ma'am we'd like to give you 25,000 miles, or 2,500 miles. And I was like, for what? Just for being here? I'm like, that's crazy. For fucking ever. Just for being here. I know.

Well, Delta, I do get recognized by the flight attendants a lot. Is that not the best feeling? I do. Yeah. Raina, flight attendants have recognized us. Oh, you just, I thought you meant just because you're just in the game a lot. Like, you just fly a lot. As a frequent flyer, as Jared Freed.

I got to tell you, the worst day of my life, truly one of the worst days of my life was the day after. Thanksgiving in 2021. And I was so hammered, like blacked out at JFK. I was having a nervous breakdown. I was having a fight with my whole family. And I had like four glasses of wine and then boarded the plane. And this girl comes over.

She gives me another guy. I'm five glasses deep. I'm two feet tall. And the plenty of time I comes over and she goes, I just have to tell you. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And she's like, me and all the other girls are such a fan. Girls got to eat. And I was like, no.

No one can see me like this. Oh my God. And I probably was like, Her, yeah, you better hurt. Work. Well, I'd fly attendant approached me two weeks ago, and she comes up. She goes, and I was like, it's happening.

She goes, I'm reading that same book. And I was like, oh, no, totally. It's a superviction. Well, one time, so I was on a, the old Delta ones. Like, you sit in the plane, like, normally Delta one, like when you're flying, you press down, and it's like a nice, like, oh, I think this is,

no, that's a good position. That's good, yeah. This one was like, that was the plane and then then the TV the TV is so blurry I'm like do I have cataracts like and then you're hitting it nothing works you can't scroll the next one forget it and then I'm just and I was so mad so then the flight attendant came over and I was I'm always so nice and I was like the Wi-Fi wasn't working I go hi I'm like I'm sorry the Wi-Fi is not working he's like oh my God girl I am so sorry.

And I'm like, that's okay. He's like, here, take this Wi-Fi. It's the Wi-Fi for us. I was like, oh, thanks. And I was like, and my chair's not working. And my TV doesn't work. He goes, we fucking hate these old planes. We hate them so much.

And I was like, oh, it was like, and then afterwards, like, Mateo, can I get a photo with you? Really? Oh, my God. You kept giving me free food and stuff. Yeah, like, can I get some miles? Just acknowledge that your plane's shitting, we can move on. Because the flight the crews are always nice.

Well, when I've been on one of those old ones, yes, you can barely touch the screen. and the flight attendants, I feel for them. Because all they're doing is customer service, the whole flight. Like, nothing's working. I know. They're having to go around. They have their miles thing. And they're just like...

They're already waitresses. I feel bad for them. Everybody's complaining. I'm like, retire this plane. Like they built the plane. Okay, Mateo, let's get into your life. Okay. Hey.

Well, now you've committed to being gay. You're married to a man. There's nothing gayer than marriage. So we saw you, like, a few months ago. And you were like, I met this guy. And you seemed so excited. And Ashley was like, I really hope it worked out for them. I was like, I know you too.

You just seemed so over the moon and excited. I know. And it's, yeah. So talk about it. I'm getting shy. Oh, no, no, God. How did you guys meet? We met on Instagram.

Okay. I'm so desperate. I DMed him first. And out of nowhere? Like how did? I was boarded on a plane going through the explore page. And I saw this, most of my explore page is Mariah Carey Clips or Hot Mem. Okay.

Nothing in between. Yeah. So it's like, you know, Mariah, high note compilation, blah, blah, blah, blah. hot guy on a beach. And I saw this, like, you know this getting ready videos that guys do or girls do? Get ready with me? It's like the softest of core porn where they're like, here's me and my underwear and they're like dangling their shirt and they put it out.

Like we've never seen someone dress themselves. I mean, it's humiliating. So I was watching this and he was doing a getting ready video, but he's a dancer. So his was actually, I was like, oh, this is like different. He was like pulling up his pants to get them up. And I screenshot it. I was like, he's hot. And then I followed him.

he immediately followed me back. Okay. And I was like, okay. And then we're flirting, like usual Instagram flirting. Like, how are you? Da-da-da-da-da. And then it turned from that to, like, talking all day. Then it was like saying good morning, saying good night, saying check in with me.

Then it was FaceTiming. Then it was like, okay, what? Let me like dating. And then I was like, we should meet. It's like, I need to meet you. He's like, I'm going to come to New York. So he flew out to New York. And the second, I went to pick him up a JFK, which is so gross.

Whoa. The second I met him, the second. The second, it was almost like a premonition. The second I physically touched him. The first thought that came into my mind was, this man's going to be my life a very long time. I'm chills everywhere. When you know you?

We were just in love. The touch of him felt right. Like everything about him felt right. I just was like, this is crazy. Did you kiss immediately at the airport? Yes. Okay. Were you like making out at the airport?

Yes. Were you so nervous? No. You'd known each other. Yeah. I mean, we've been talking every day. Yeah. But I was so nervous like when I met my ex and we've been talking about me.

from months. And I was like, totally right. You had a similar experience. I was like, do we get naked immediately? Do we like joke like we're not going to get immediately naked? Like, where do I go from here? He was like, um, your butt is really big. And you're whiter than I thought.

And I go, what? He was like, you're, I thought you'd be more tan. And I was like, no, I'm pretty wise. Like, okay. I like it. But that's the alien videos of you. Okay, I just, what a flex that he was just on your explore page. Incredible.

Like I did not realize that. I hope I was a ton of followers. So it makes sense that like he was sort of led to me. But he didn't know who I was. All of his friends knew who I am. That's good. But he was like, he's like, oh, I didn't know you were like a comedian. I just thought you were like, I don't know.

So now I know. Yeah. I'm like, okay, yeah. All right. And so you guys spend the time in New York together. And then when we saw your own Memorial Day, we're going to go to Europe with him. Right. Italy.

And I think at that point you hadn't said, I love you. And you were like, I think it's happening. So I said I love you because I was, I was. I just couldn't get it. I was just feeling it so hard. And then so I sent him a meme that was like, I'm like 100. I sent him a meme that was like, you know, when you sleep next to people that you love, like you sleep better, like some sort of scientific study.

So he writes back and he goes, oh, so you're admitting you love me. And I was like, so I called him. I was like, I didn't want to say it that way. I wanted to wait until I was in Rome. He's like, why you have to be like that? Would you just say it? You feel like you say it. Why be honest with me?

Why you have to pretend? And I'm like, I. I like that he necks you so hard. He doesn't let me get away with shit. That's how it should be. That's how all my friendships are too. We argue like a sensitive lesbian couple. Like instead of being like, you or this,

then he'll be like, I notice your energy shift. And you know, like, we're like literally, I noticed, um, you sure you guys live in LA. We were watching this TV show and I noticed your energy slipped. And so I want to talk about that for six hours. Yeah. The I love you thing is so funny when you like both know it

and you're kind of teasing each other about it. I don't know. Like the weekend that I said it with Sparkle Eyes, that's his name. We were driving to the beach and he said something like, we both knew it. We should just set in Cabo. You started saying like, I love the way you do whatever. I love your humor and you're like,

you drive all loves. Right. You do start like breadcrumming the word. I love the way you cook. But he said something like, how do you know when you're in love with somebody or something like that? And I was like, is he baiting me? And I got so weird about it because I was like,

are we saying this or not? And it happened later that night. But it was just like in the car. I was very like, how do you answer? I don't know how to answer it. I think I was just like, you just know and you know. And did you say to him like, how do you know? And what did he say?

I wish you would have tape recorded this. I know. I got kind of awkward because I was like, I know that we love each other, but I have to say this. I feel it so deeply. I would love for him to say it's whatever. And it just worked out. But I literally was like, is he pating me? I think he was feeling me out to make sure.

And he was. And we talked about it later. There's a fear of rejection. I mean, when we said we. loved each other. I thought it was going to be cute and say in Spanish because we speak Spanish with each other. And so I said, Te Amo. And he goes, no, Amore. As he's calling me love, he's like,

Amore. He's like, we say Te Amo, but Te Amo is like, there's many stages to say, I love you in Spanish. So the first is you say, tequero, and then Tequiro much. And then before you get married, it's Te Amo. What's Amore? Like, okay, Tequiro much is like, I want, the little translations is I want you. But what's like Amore?

Amore's love. Okay, well, I call our video guy that. I just call him a more. I call each other amor. What? But now we say Tiamo. Like, it immediately went from life. Hold on.

I got to get back to this. Who do you call him more? We're really toxic with each other. He's not even Italian. What are you doing? You're not even Italian. No one's Italian. I don't know.

I said this is like her in the video guy. It's been years. Let's hear it. yesterday he said baby I said I'm more and he said I feel neglected by you Anna cut this I can do it

I said even more talking you're on my mind Mateo this has been a journey her and this guy and he said I feel like you're over me and then later I said if anybody saw this

they would think we were mentally ill and he said it's so toxic you're scrolling so hard there's been so much this it's been such crying. I've been crying this whole episode. You were so funny.

It's just been a very funny journey with this guy. We don't mean it. Like, we're just fucking around. Totally. Totally. No feelings involved. Should I call Rodriguez so you can hear his voice? Yes.

I feel everybody's like, but he was being so. Wait, I kind of like that he like corrected the language. She was like, no, no, no. This is the progression of I love you. He gathered me quick. He might be in a dance class right now. So let's see if he picks up.

Don't tell him what you're doing. Pick up, heavy breathing. Rodrigo aborta. And then, like, we got married, and I posted one picture in the next day. A million articles were out about it. Advocate out, this and that pride. I was like, what? People are invested.

His friend told him, and then we Googled our names and it showed up. I was like, how slow the news day was it for gay people that were the news? Like, grow up. All right, he'll call me back. He's in a dance class right now. Okay. So was he, he's a news. York?

Yeah. Now with you. Yes. Okay. We were at May. We wrote I love you. And then so come out in September. Yeah.

So you just decided to do it. And where were you? In Italy? No. No, we were in America. Oh, where you got married? Wouldn't happen. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you had a wedding. You had a reception at the comedy seller? We had the reception at the comedy cellar. We had marriage at jail. Oh, I'm sorry. City Hall. And it just felt like jail.

It was funny you get married at the place people come to get divorced. Well, nothing screams romance like walking through a metal detector with your husband. That's so. funny. I did not think about that. Have you been there before? You've been to City Hall in New York City? Have you served like jury duty? No. It is like a huge ass line of people. Right. Right. Yeah. It's like a weird like cosplay convention of like brides and grooms and stuff.

I've been to city halls, but not. Oh, our ticket number because they give you a ticket because it's also like a deli. Our ticket number was literally 69. No, I felt that you were going to say that. That's, you guys are going to be together forever. We have a photo. Did you frame it? Yeah. We have it. My assistant has it. got to frame it. We're going to get frames, yeah. That you're blessed. How meant to be is that?

Oh my gosh. Do you guys, do you guys 69? At me. Yeah, but 69. That's a lot of, sometimes it's like the positioning is a little awkward. Here he is, you guys. Are you going to tell what you're doing?

Maybe, yeah. Amore. Yeah. Hello. Hello. Now, I'm doing a podcast, and we're talking about

of our matrimo. Okay, what are you saying? How sad I am and how depressive is to be married. Yeah, how would you say, what's it like being married to me? To you, okay, so you have to guess, or you have to try to guess the mood in the morning. That's the first thing. Rumpy will probably play video games like right after waking up. Because that's it.

You guys 69. And I make you, I cook for you. Yeah, what are the good things? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But I could too. So that's what it's right. You absolutely do not. He made one cassidia.

He microwaved it. And I was like, well, never again. Not in this kitchen under no circumstances. You can judge the way I cook. I'm judging out loud on a podcast that has millions of listeners. Oh, fuck. Okay, I'll let you go. Okay, babe, I love you.

I love you. I love you. Bye. Amore. See, he thinks he's funny. He does think he's funny. That's the son of a bitch. I can tell he doesn't let you get away with anything.

Not a thing. He said I cook too. You were like, he does not cook. Let me just make this very clear. I, yeah. That he does not cook. He got flour tortillas from Morton Williams and then craft cheddar cheese,

put it in a microwave and he was like, Amore, I make you quesadilla. I'm like, get the fuck out of my kitchen. Yeah, like that's late night So now I'm the abuela I've turned into the Casadia maker I'm frying the pan

I'm doing the whole thing You know, I'm Mexican I'm stepping into my roots Yeah Well, we're so happy We are so happy Thanks, thanks, Yeah

Amigas I like that you skipped the whole Like one year Planning the wedding thing Even a city hall Wedding is fucking stressful Weddings are fucking stressful And we were both having

Like a fucking panic attack The day before And I'm just like This is awful Like who the fuck wants I don't understand how, like, I went to my friend's wedding last year in Italy with, like, 200 people. And it was on this, like, gorgeous location. I'm like, the amount of stress they must have been under.

It takes over people's lives. Literally. I, like, truly lost a girlfriend for a year to wedding planning. And I feel like she would look back on it and be like, that was not worth that year. Totally. But I think a lot of people wouldn't say that. They'd be like, yeah, this is the best in my life, whatever, you know. Well, I think that you bake all these expectations.

Because it's not just your wedding. It's your parents' wedding and your romantic partner's parents' wedding. Also, everyone's those expectations are. That's why City Hall takes it back because we're saying, here's what we're doing. You either come with or you don't. But bye. Totally. You know, we're going through the metal detector.

Like, there's no, no one's going to give you a suggestion. We also dress my friend Taylor Aereer, who's like a really great. He dresses for everyone at NBC Universal and red carpet. So I just said, dress me whatever you want. We want to look cute. And so he dressed us like we were like a gay landlord in 1978. I love the photos. Yeah.

Yeah, they were really cute. He's in red because he's spicy. Yeah. He's giving red aura. It was either that or we're going to dress like Christine's wedding and selling. Sunset. I wanted a black dress with white snow. So is SelimSonset new to you?

I've watched the first season and then I was like, okay, whatever. And then Rodrigo loves it. So he's like, no, you have to watch the Ling Sunset. Please watch it. I love that show. And now I'm so into it. And here's what they made a mistake. They should have never gotten rid of Divina.

Because DeVina, hear me out. Also, they didn't get rid of her. She's on the show. She's like a plant in the background at this point. I mean, yeah. They definitely, every season, a little less DeVina. Oh, at this season, she was literally like, through a bush, like, peaking like Kim in the bush.

I want more to be in outfits because they're so bad. Oh, well, her Instagram is wild. It's a wealth. She's a perfect character for the show because she's a really pretty woman who's a grenade. I mean, she comes in and just absolutely will say the wrong thing at the wrong time and then be baffled that anyone is even slightly offended. Her apology to Romaine was reiterating the fact that he didn't get her a nice ring. And then on the wedding with, Chrisel, they're like, Chrisel, you know, we're so sorry about the paparazzi and this. and then she's like, well, there are two sides to every story.

That's crazy. That's crazy. That's season, like, you're right. It's like you don't get so many surprises like that anymore in reality TV where it was like jaw dropping. Jaw dropping. Yes, we need more. Bring DeVina back.

You're right. We were done with the Christine Quinn just drama of it all. I miss it now because it's so boring. I like to the last season. Sometimes these like train wrecks like in the moment you're like, they need to be off this show. And then you miss them. So like we're watching the ultimatum and like we all like we're roasting. Vanessa Lechay on how bad she was as a host

and now I'm like, more Vanessa. Like, you miss the train wreck. Vanderpom rules, like they had to create Scandival just because they got rid of Stasi and Christian and Jacks. The whole show was just different. Well, this last season, they're really trying to replay it because Christine's gone. So like, we got to do something. So they just

sent in the craziest people. I like, what's your name, Bethany, the British girl? Chelsea. Chelsea. Chelsea, that's it. I like Chelsea. Her outfits are the craziest I've ever seen. No, Amanda's outfits are the crazy. Amanda walked in like a putty from fucking Power Rangers at 9 a.m. Chelsea is wearing gloves up to her elbows for just like a coffee date in the morning. Her and Amanda go toe to toe for the wildest house.

They're dressed like they're coming out of a Dubai nightclub in 2050. And it's a broker's open at 1 p.m. In Manhattan Beach. They walked down the boardwalk to get there. When they were walking down the boardwalk in those outfits, I was like, where'd they park? They don't have like a drive for. This is insane. I would think they were aliens.

Yeah. I was like, well, who land? These are aliens coming to us. But she's funny because she just says people to their face. She's like, no, actually, look, because Mary, as my friend Nick said, actually, I'm going to call Nick. You guys need to hear this. Nick, do you guys know Nick? He's six foot four and he's evil.

You've told us about Nick. Okay, he's going to give you a minute review of selling sunset and you're never going to laugh harder in your entire. I'm so excited. Sunning Sunset's like half of our personality. Yeah. Is he going to talk about Mary? I can. Yes.

Yeah. She will be the main focus. She's like, uh, uh, because. When she like short-circuited during that dinner, like she just couldn't. She said, don't break up that we all did Coke on my Bachelorette. We've also had Mary in the show. Did you really? Yeah.

I'm texting Nick to say, you need to call me. Yeah, we got to get him in here. Okay, well, now that we're here, what do you think about Romaine? Because I think I want more Remain, always. I can't because Nick has the answer. Okay. It's going to be reserved. I will say he's gorgeous, and I do believe him and Mary are in love.

And I also think to defend Mary, I think Mary is very good at her job. I just think that Mary is really, really bad at being a leader. Yeah, yeah. I think she didn't sign up for that. No, yeah, it was like thrust it. Mary has never been like, I would love to be a leader. Right. Not at all.

All of a sudden, Jason was just like, you're in charge now. And she was like, I'm going to go talk to this Instagram thought. You're in charge now. But people say about her that she is one of the only people that, you know, that you can look up like what is the MLN. Amanda, I don't think has her license. So like most of them aren't really selling real estate. But Mary actually is a real estate agent.

Mary gives real estate agent. Yeah, Mary, To defend Mary, she's good at her job, but she's just like, you know. I just love Romaine. Like, I think, you know, the good old bit. So I can't. You go as I can't. Because the time, they're with the way to the floors.

I can't. I just, what do is going to do? I don't know. You would tell the Jason that it will not be finished, but it's my fault. No, because I have to re-paint the floor. So I don't know. I cannot tell you. I don't know.

Oh, here we go. Here's Nick. Yay! Nick, you are on the Girls Got to Eat podcast. They have millions of followers and listeners. I need you to give us a minute review of season six selling sunset. Which season is actually? They all blend together.

The last one. Oh, well, I mean, let's be real, Mary's a potato. She's not a born leader, and they keep setting her up for failure, and she keeps failing. The new tattoo girl that's on drugs, who's very clearly on drugs, allegedly, because I don't want to be sued. It's also very clear, and the producers set her up because they did that flashback where she was like,

looking and then cut to she's living in like her own construction of five years of her house and melting away Brie I like because she brings drama Romaine Romaine Romaine useless he's had 72

jobs and we've never seen him do any of them and I don't understand why they kept talking about how the twins is their largest investment their most important property so sure let's hire this 24 year old French speaking A pastry chef, if anyone remembers that.

To manage this property, Lord knows, let's be real look at him. He's never held a hammer and nail in his life, but sure, let's let him manage this multi-million dollar property being renovated. Yeah, that sounds good. And I looked it up. Neither have sold yet. Surprise, surprise. It's on Hollywood Boulevard.

It was like a million dollars. All right, Nick, thank you very much. Thank you, Nick. All right, goodbye. Nick, you're an icon, thank you. Wait, is he a comedian? Or do we know him? Is he just a friend?

He does all the videos with me, the tall, skinny guy who's evil, we went to the Olive Garden together. Yeah, yeah. Got, got, got to go. And now he has, like, all these followers because we do these videos together. And people knock, like, like, on the street to get photos of them. So I'm having him open for me at, like, a couple of theater shows because the audience loses their fucking mind. Listen, I understand the main thing.

Mary was like, I found this guy who was the hottest thing that's ever lived, and he doesn't really have a job. So I'm going to give him a job. I'm going to make him good enough for me. And I will get him on this show, and I will force Jason to make him a construction worker or a project manager. whatever. I'm going to force him to be good enough for me. She did just that. Yeah. Well, I think that was her plan, but in reality, she gave a job to her husband.

He's just like, I don't know if they're going to make it a gallon because he's married is vong. That's pretty crazy. Mateo doing Remain was not on my bingo card for today's episode. He's like, no, no, Mary, it's can't because it's not because I'm going to be with my I mean, yeah. Okay, I have a question for you. Okay. Okay. Rodrigo, did you feel like you had an idea of like what you were looking for in a person and then

do you feel like he matched that? Or are there things about him that you were like, this is something I like didn't even know I wanted? Yeah, my usual type is a hot man that hates me. So this is a nice refreshment. He's definitely someone I met my match. He's very motivated to me. He's not like a boob. Like in Mexico, he's modeling.

He's doing TV. He's dancing. He's fitness coaching. Like he's constantly working and he's very motivated. And he's He's very into mental health and talking things through and, you know, challenges me. And, you know, like if I'm upset or he's upset, like, we talk about it. And so I was really taking it back and surprised about accepting the fact that someone can love me because that's something very difficult for me to accept. So that is, it is a bit of a journey for me because, like, wow, this is someone who's very good

for me and loves me and I'm not going to fuck this up. So we're both not used to that. We're both used to sort of toxic relationships. So that would be the most unexpected thing. Well, that's really deep. Yeah, that's great. I was listening to Esther Perel's podcast, and she, this point was probably four weeks ago, and she's talking to a woman who had this really toxic back and forth, break up all the time,

relationship for like seven years and how she found somebody now is really intentional, wants to be with her. And she's like, I can't accept the love. I don't know how to do it. I've been in this relationship where I've, like, been begging for crumbs my whole life. And when somebody actually gives this to me willingly, I don't know how to do it. So how did you learn how to accept love? Well, I mean, we say to each other.

We tell each other everything. Any message that one of us gets or someone's flirting with us or if our ex reaches out to us, we just tell each other, we keep everything on the table. And, you know, I even say, like, I'm not, like, if I ask for something and he reciprocates, like, yes, like, we're on a team. I tell him, like, this is something I'm not used to. I'm used to fighting for what I feel I deserve. And so I was sort of at the moment, I was going to be a little bit of a Whoopi Goldberg. Like, I'll just be single for the rest of my life. I have a great career.

I love Fortnite, like, whatever. You know what I mean? Like, I don't have to worry about anything. And then we just started talking and it was like evident. I was like, oh, okay, this is someone who's just there in my life now. I find it so interesting. And you can talk about this as much or as little as you want. We were like talking earlier, just about like insecurities, even like physical insecurities.

Are you feeling like not worthy of love or whatever it is? Like it's funny because Rayna and I, we don't think there's anyone better than you in terms of like your looks, your talents. Like, and we were always like who could even date Mateo, like who could ever be on. Who could be on his level of intelligent, face, body, your kind. You're so funny. you speak all these languages, you cook, you know, you just think you're like the perfect person. Nobody's perfect.

But it's interesting because I think people hearing this are like, everyone literally has these types of insecurities. Yeah. Like, do you think that about yourself? Well, I, look, I... I guess that's a little cocky to it. But I'm curiously. I mean, there's parts of me,

I'm two different mindsets. Part of me is I think I'm talented and I'll fight my fucking ass off and I have to grind. I have to grind. Like that sort of warrior in me. And the other part of me is still the 13-year-old getting called faggot every single day and is a stick with one eyebrow and braces and just relentlessly made fun of.

You know, so it's like that hasn't quite escaped me yet. And I'm doing all, I'm going to the gym. I hire a trainer. I got hair transplants. Like I'm doing all these things to like make myself feel better. And really it does come down to just accepting the fact to like, accept yourself where you are. It's fine, you know.

But yeah, I'm still haunted by those days. I don't think they ever quite leave you. Even though I talk about it on stage now and that's been a really healing process is the catharsis of getting out all of your demons on stage, but it doesn't ever quite leave you. I really relate to that. Thank you for sharing that. And it's different, obviously, to grow up feeling like you are different sexually and knowing you are different. But like, I grew up feeling like people didn't really like me. I was like the least cool of the cool group. I was the least pretty of all my friends. The guys I liked

like my friends, they didn't like me. I just had these like huge boobs. And that was the only value I had to people was that I just looked like a slut. And then I was just like, I don't really know if people like me or if they just want to fuck me because of these big boobs. that never really completely leaves you, even though there's evidence to the fact that people are obsessed to you. You can look at your tour schedule, 40 dates that are all sold out, and people are still trying to buy more tickets to see you.

You have evidence that it's not true, but it doesn't fully leave you. That's not sunk in either because my career, I've been doing it for 13 years. So this only happened like a year ago. So that also hasn't caught. Like I walk out on a stage, there's 3,000 people, and I'm like, I remember when I did the beacon, and I walked out and I literally thought,

how did this happen? Like literally, it was like two years ago. I was struggling to sell a single ticket and getting canceled at clubs because they were like he didn't sell tickets, hell him not to come, we'll give his travel buy out back and stuff. Oh my God. We were talking about this about you too.

We just always thought so highly of you. We would see it with a seller or whatever it was. We had you on in 2018 and we were just like, yeah, he's just like super successful comedian. And so to hear you kind of talk about struggling during COVID and all these times, like it was hard for us to comprehend and then now you're fully like blown up,

huge theaters. And I mean, it's the appropriate amount of time. We've been doing it stand up for over a decade. like this is how it should be. You're talented. You know, that's not like an overnight success. You've been working your ass off. But like, was there any like tipping points? Was Andrew Schultz?

I was wondering if that's what you would say. It was. I was doing the Miami Improv, which is a great club and great staff. We love it. Yeah. And this is 2021, I think. And they called and said, well, Mateo only sold 21 tickets.

So we're going to move both of his like the Friday and Saturday. We're just going to move it to like a Thursday night. Or we can just cancel. And I remember feeling so humiliated because I really was struggling to get acceptance of the industry. but I never got cast and everything. I never able to sell anything. Just not a lot of love from the industry.

And so I was like, it's enough playing that game. And I called Schultz. And he talked to me for three hours and told me everything to do. And I just followed everything he told me to do. And as a result, it just skyrocketed. And it was so cool. I check in with him all the time. I go to him for advice all the time.

He's like the greatest mentor I've ever had. And he's so nice. And he goes out of his way to be nice. He's not like scared of anyone else trying to outshine him. He loves giving. Now I give back. Any friend that I can possibly help, I give back. But it's nice that you guys say that, but it's also like the only people that like respected me were people that were working.

Comics were working touring, all that stuff because it's like we understand like, oh, okay, like that person's working really hard. They're doing really well. It's just the people, the bookers, the Netflix, the HBO's and all them. They're the ones who were like, no, no, not the right kind of gay. No, no. It's interesting because like nothing changed. You didn't change your comedy or your act. People just found out about, like, whatever he told you to do, the right people saw you, and it all worked out.

We always say that sometimes. Ashley says if they were a thing, it would be a thing. Yeah, it was like, if he was famous, he'd be famous. Or, like, something like this person should be more famous. I think that about, like, Marie Foster. I'm like, if just one thing could put her over the edge, she's so unique. Same with you. And fucking gorgeous.

Incredible. We love her. She's the funniest person. I agree. Yeah. Rodriguez put it best. We went and saw her show, and I was in one of her shows in Brooklyn. and she's basically just doing crowdwork for two hours. Oh, her new show, yeah.

And Rodrigo says, I'm fascinated by how her brain works. Yes. Because I don't, it's literally the most talented on the spot person I've ever met. Maria's like top, top, top, top. Every video is funny. Every real, every TikTok, like, but it's like, why isn't she? And it's like. Well, she's become, it's crazy over the past year.

Right, right. I don't want to take anything away from her. No, no, no. I know what you mean. Like she should be like walking red carpet. At the theater level, doing all these more than some people that already are, you know, But she's been really working hard and putting a lot of videos on Instagram and TikTok. And now she's recognized everywhere she goes.

Okay, good. Her videos are second to nine. If you guys really, Marie Faustin, look her up. She's been on the show. She's incredible. I mean, I love what you said about Schultz. And, you know, people have mixed opinions. He's been on the show.

I recently have a beef with him because of the Taylor Swift Beyonce thing, but I'm not going to get into it. But I did. He said some weird stuff. I mean, I have my own thoughts on why. He feels that way. It's whatever. But, I mean, we had one conversation with him when we fired her manager. He thinks about things in a different way.

And now we're kind of getting into like a comedian talk. But like he's just proof that like you don't want to do it the way it's always been done. We were talking about a comedian. I'm not going to name any names that you're really outselling. And he's just done the same path that was like the path you followed 10, 20 years ago. It's different now. Everybody's putting their specials out on YouTube or what he did behind the paywall. And it's like people need to whatever industry they're in realize that like times of change.

Like you don't have to follow the same path. I wanted to call my special. Netflix said no, which I still think is very funny. Yeah. My manager was like, no. But I always say Schultz did this. If you can imagine a bunch of comedians in like an old Western saloon, right? And then Schultz just standing at that like flappy door and he goes, I'll be back.

And he leaves for a year and he comes back with gold. And everyone's like, what? Yeah. How'd you do it? And he doesn't hoard any of that. If you ask him questions, he tells you what he did. He really does. And I love that about him.

And he. Some people I have given advice to, not that you need to take advice, but I have sat and like talked for three hours and done the same thing and try to get and then they just don't apply it. Right. And you're like, uh, that was gold. So much energy on my part. Absolutely. We talk about that with relationships. We're like, listen to us. We do this for a living. We have the knowledge. I said that to Ashley about this girl the other day. I was like, you are spinning your wheels given this girl advice. I was like, I just crushed it. I changed her life. And it was like, no, you didn't. She's going to go do her. Literally do the exact same thing. Andrews not to keep

like beating this horse, but he was also the first person that was like, I'm going to build my own studio. betting on me. And when we decided to either look into another studio or build it own, he spent so much time on the phone with me being like, pay the rent, get something, build it out yourself. Like, be different. He's inspired us a lot. You know? We did the Ben's Paris fashion week for Louis Vuitton.

That was super. The fashion thing was crazy that you guys did. It was insane. It was one of the most fun I've ever had in my life. And it's so funny because we're standing all on stage, including Tyra Banks. We're all standing on stage. Do you have Tyra Banks impression? Literally was on the tip of my time. It's funny about Tyra Banks because I'm obsessed with America's next top model of Tyra Banks show because it's wildly problematic but genius. And she was nothing but a professional.

She was on time. She was so nice. She was normal. She showed up to rehearsal. She killed all of her lines. She killed the show. Like, no problem. You can't make fun of her.

She doesn't have any crazy inflections either. I can make fun of her. What did she say? I believed you. We were all believing. What did she say? I was betting on you. We were all betting on you.

Rooting for you. We were all rooting for you. Yes. dare you. That's like gay one-on-one. But Andrew Schultz, we're on stage. He can see the lighting. And we're all just like, whatever.

I don't care. And this French guy wearing all this jewels. Like, hello, en belgons do these is three. And we're all like laughing because, you know, Santina's there and stuff. We're like making fun of this man. And Schultz, I can see him pacing, pacing, pacing. Pacing.

And finally, when the stage was empty, he's backstage looking at the TV where he can see the stage and he goes, Mateo, go stand out on the stage. Go stand in the middle. So I go out as tan in the middle. Andrew starts to take complete control to fix the lighting. And he was fucking right. He walked on a stage.

He's like, you guys got to move this lighting here. This lighting has to come here. If you put this lighting over here, you're not going to see any of it. And blah, blah, blah, directing. And he was right. Yeah. And I was like, that's fucking crazy. Yeah, I mean, we've done stuff like that at venue.

We're the ones performing. We do this. Like, remember the thing with the stairs in Philly, the head of that drumline came up, he was like, you got to come work for me. He was like, the way you just forced them to do. this thing that they were not going to do. I was like, I'm not taking no for an answer. Like, it's our show. We've done this 150 plus times. And like, we know these things. I mean, I wish we would have done something with the lighting at the wang. Like, there's little things.

And it's not that people are lazy while some are some people are, some people are. Some people in the way we've always done it. This is fine. You're like, well, not today. Well, they had to move like five seats. Is that in failure? They move like five chairs. We can't do. We can't do. We can't do. We can't do. We're going to move these people's We'll give them meet and greet. We're going to move the stairs. We're going to do this thing. And they just kept pushing back.

And I was just like, I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I stood on the stage because the sound wasn't working. I stood on the stage. All the ushers are in there. They're holding the doors. I'm on stage. The sound, every time I would touch the mic, it would verb.

It would verb like, so I said, this has to be fixed. At one point, the sound guy goes, well, what do you? We're going back and we're going back. He goes, well, what do you want me to do? And I said, well, this might shock you. But I'm not the sound guy. Right? and now all the ushers are watching us as this goes down.

He goes, well, he goes, I don't know, I don't know what I can do. And you're just going to have to deal with it. And I go, I promise you, I am not getting off this stage until you fix it. Because I had to do two shows back to back. And what I meant when I held the mic, I could never move. And then you're distracted. You cannot be your peak performance if your sound is off. And then my tour manager called her sound guy.

And she goes, he says change the channel. They changed a channel. It's so crazy. sometimes we'll get our friend Rob on the phone and he'll be like, you just need to like plug this one thing into this thing and all of a sudden the whole thing will work. He's like FaceTime me, I'll fix this. But I wasn't always like an I'll advocate for myself

kind of person. I would take no for an answer sometimes and if you just keep pushing and I've seen this so much in our business you don't have to be a bitch or disrespect anybody. I don't we're really kind to people. But if you just say like I know there's a solution and there's another way and you keep pushing, like people will find another way. I can't even tell you how many times

somebody sent us like some dog shit work and we're like, no, do it again. And they sent us something incredible. And we're like, all we had to say was one sentence, do it again. Yeah, we do a good job. And then if we can't get it done, then we call our agent. And I don't know what he does. But all of a sudden, it's been fixed. It's been handled. Very few times where I'm like, I'm going back and forth with somebody who's like, I'm not doing this. I'm the performer. I'm not doing this. Call Andrew Russell. And it's like, it's been handled. Like, I'm going to call my daddy on you. I've done that a few times. It comes down to it. He's amazing and powerful.

And if he's the last final straw, it gets done. Okay. Mateo, we ask people, if they have questions for you and I'm really like this. I was showing Ashley we left. How do I tell if my boyfriend is gay? If you see him having sex with a man? I think everyone's gay. But even then, he might not be gay. I mean, I guess so. It's 23. Just read them all. I'll answer as quickly as possible. Next special coming out? I'm going to do another advice special.

Okay, great. Probably early of next year. And then after two years of touring with this, I'll do another special. Oh my God. Okay. How do I go about touching my boyfriend's booty hole? You make sure that he hires a firehouse to clean it. There should be at least six firemen in there washing that asswled. Because straight guys don't pay attention to their asshole. They don't realize it's like a fun house next to a sewage plant. There's a lot of stuff back there. Also, we got you a butt plug.

I know. I saw that. Thank you. Yes. Annalise. Favorite pasta dish? To eat and to cook. Are they the same?

Matrishana from Zimberto and Rastre in Rome. That's my favorite dish. Okay. And my favorite. Wait, which I ate there. I ate there a couple weeks ago. Zioberto. Yes.

It's so good. It changes your life. Changes your life. Changes your life. And then carbonata to cook carbonato. Okay. Well, do you have a doppelganger? Do you have anybody that you look like? Liza Minnelli. Liza Minle. Right. Okay. Luigi. Liza Minle. That's it. Right. Okay. And then what was the hair implant process like? And your special is named.

Hair plugs and heartache. I thought I was Aldente. That's your tour. That's my tour. Yeah. My hair plugs. Well, they're hair translines, what they're called. So I was really losing my hair and I was doing everything to try and cover it. You know, and I was losing it in the crown. And I was losing it all here and here. Like the hair line was moving back or just thinning or all of it. I looked like the dad from seventh heaven. Like it was just like super.

Not the dad from seventh heaven. Remember that show? Everyone was a piece of shit in that show. Everyone was a piece of shit in that show. There's some comedian that takes old clips from seventh heaven and moths them. Oh, yes. I've seen that my cousin sent him to me. Yes.

It'll be something really crazy. I can't think of his fucking name. I either. It's a guy and it's just the craziest scenarios. Crazyest. Okay. So my hair, I was losing my hair and I was doing everything to fix it. And I was like, I want to get hair transplants.

I don't want to go to turkey. I don't want to sit on a plane with a swollen head like an alien from Mars attacks and come back to customs and like, what'd you bring back? So I'm just doing my act. So I found a really good doctor in New York City in the Upper East Side. And they did my hair. And they were such an amazing staff. And the consultation was like an hour long. But basically he said like, we're going to put hair here and here.

We take it from the back of your head. It's called FUE. They don't cut anymore. I mean, they can. But they prefer to do FUE, which is just taking hair from all around. Like the roots? Like implanting the root. It's like planting.

They cut the holes in the top of your head. Oh, okay. And then take the hair from the back and then put it in. And then it's like 10 days of following really specific instructions. Okay. How to bat, how to do this, how to that. Okay. And five months later, like a chia pet starts growing in.

Okay. So it takes that long and then you start to see the growth. Five months of me I first saw. I remember it was like, I would pull back my hair like nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. All of a sudden, like in the beginning of December was like, whoa. Like it's hair. It looks amazing. Yeah.

Thanks. Great. Well, we want you to apply your tour, but we also want you to look at it. at our butt plug. I was like, you want me to plug my tour? You want to plug my ass. So we have this is our wedding gift to you. Oh, thank you. We have our Annalise Budplug for you. Can I look at it? Yeah.

Open on a box. Okay. So this looks great because it seems like easy. Sometimes you get butt plugs and it looks, I don't have any, but like they look like where does this go? Intimidating. And it's like, well, I don't, I don't think what's going on. Right. They're like, I can't handle. It looks great.

Yeah. It's so soft. Yeah, we love the silicone. Michael Blouse. we gave him one he was sucking on it during the recording. Well, Michael, we'll talk. It's just supposed to be like, listen, it could be a beginner's one or if you're a master of butt stuff. Either way.

I like that says, what's your vibe? It's a really cute box. Yeah, thank you. That's very cute. I like that. And we brought you the blowjo. I gave him pinocalada. Oh, okay.

I want the vanilla. We're going to send you home with vanilla. We don't have vanilla right now. We're coming back out with it for the holidays. Okay, great. Different spice latte. You guys are like Starbucks? Like, I mean, how did you guess?

Are you really? Yeah. I love you guys. I love this. This is why we launched the blowjell. Everybody keeps guessing. And like I was at this party with the Sparkleyes and I was like, we have new fall flavors coming out. And someone was like, pumpkin spice lot.

People keep doing that. Actually, yes. I mean, yeah. People like, what are you going to do? Pumpkin spice? Yeah. That's literally why we launched the blow gel. I mean, PSL for your DSLs.

I mean, it's just like, Rain just got the best DSLs in town. You spray just a little bit. Yeah. But, you know, it's kind of funny. To me, this is like a funny thing to do in the bedroom. You know, like, it's not sexy to whip it out. It should be funny, by the way. It should be funny.

Like, I used this past, like, Saturday night. And I just, like, whipped it down, like, did a little, like, ther-er, you know, and then just, like, went to town. It just gets really wet and slippery down there. I love it. Which is, like, I did the orange-cream sickle. It's like a pop-sicle. That sounds great. You just want to do, like, a drop of it.

Like, you don't, one time I was filming a video. Right. You can't do too much. I did, like, seven takes of a video just dowsing my mouth in orange creamicle. I had a little tummyache afterwards. You're supposed to eat that much of it. Yeah, Raina has a breakfast. It's a girl dinner for Raina.

that's her girl dinner I have like a little hummus and crackers it's my girl dinner Ashley's always like I don't know what you do for dinner I don't even want to know you eat a dick it's a fun thing it's just like I thought of you and I wanted to do something

different and thank you I love it I love it so much I will use both of them yay all right get that on that al dente dick I will get my al dente dick do the tooth yeah okay

and rodrigueel will have fun with it yes well plug everything where people get tickets, if there are any, I don't know. Yeah, I think we're at six shows now for the Wilbur Theater. I thought it was seven. You told me seven. No, we're adding a seventh. Oh, my gosh, Mateo.

So this will be the six. So just go to MateoLandcomedy. And just. Our Boston girlies. Incredible. That's our favorite theater. Boston is, that's an amazing thing. I've opened for Fortune fiendster there.

And it was just the sound is unbelievable. That's where I met my boyfriend. Oh, that's so cute. Okay. It's where I met our video guy. That's where you met Rodrigo? Our video guy. God damn it, Ray.

Had to one up me. Amore. That's Amore. I met Rodrigo in Boston. We met a thing about Boston. We meet a lot of people. October and Boston is a big thing for us. I mean, that's cool.

Like Salem Witch Trials, you can go out to... Totally. But you're all over in massive theaters. You're selling us out. Like, you're just doubling our sales, which is amazing. I'm not doubling your sales. You guys are like, we just did the United Center, but like, no big deal. That's not true.

We were laughing so far. I mean, we were laughing so hard the other day when she was telling me the story about you guys coming down, but you're behind the drumline. Mateo was laughing so hard. He was like, what do you mean the drumline comes down before you? You guys are trailing the drumline. You're walking from the back. It's a huge entrance, Mateo.

I know, but I just... It's my creative vision. I know because I know you too so well to think that there's a massive drumline in front of you, women's screaming, and then you guys are like, and now... And now us, Rain is two feet tall. I know. We don't do it. All they see is a hand.

green nails. Listen, we did stop doing it like that. No, I love it. Because Raina almost has a panic attack. She almost trips. No one can see her. They don't know we're in the aisles. I almost fell at the Chicago theater.

Actually, literally, I almost fell at the Chicago theater. Mateo, there was a moment to see. I'm tearing on one heel. There was no railing. I almost fall into like the orchestra pit. I know. She almost fell out. I was like, I'm going to lose her.

So Raina's coming down the aisle. No one can see her. We expect, like, screams and we're like, where is she? And then they can see me and I'm pointing over to the other aisle. Like, she's over there. People think that the drumline hired a midget, like, it's a circus performance. Yeah. You're just bringing up the rear of the drum line.

Raina. I'm sorry I made you do that. I won't do it again. Yes, you will. What do you mean? You don't lead the drum line. You go behind. I thought, well, if you guys came out and the drums are behind you, like, oh my God.

No. I was like, well, no. I know what? I know. You know what? It was a bad decision. We're going to go after the drums. But there's the opening act.

Oh, my God. I hate you guys. My stomach is killing me. My stomach are. I have a visionary. No, actually, I love it. I love it. I love it.

I have to like turn around and wave at people like, hi, it's me. Yeah. And then they get really. We have stopped doing it. Because of that. People can't see you. Well, listen, I liked it because I don't have to dance as much. Because at the time I get to the stage, there's like 10 seconds left of the song.

I don't have to dance. And now I've had to learn to the stage and have to like shimmy around and stuff. So I've had to like learn how to move my body. I'm getting better. Are you still over the drum lines though? Yeah. Yeah. They're awesome.

The drumlines have taken it to a next level. When I come to a show of your guys's, okay, I want to see you guys coming from the back behind the drumline. Just for me. You are. You're going to. No, I want to be on stage. I want to introduce you just so I can watch the whole thing. Wait,

you should be like the conductor. Is that what the... Deal. I'll come... You guys hire a conductor. That's what I think of him. It's like, well, Bobby Westside could do it or Matteo. And they come down both lanes in the theater.

Deal. Yeah. Great. Oh my gosh. Oh, that's funny. We had some good laps. It is hot in here. Yeah.

Sorry to... This is the hottest day. Well, you're hanging out. So you're welcome to shower. We're going to record the rest of this. Yeah, I bet your bathrooms upstairs. Oh, really? I might actually do that.

Wait, are you Mateo Lane.com? Mateo Lane Comedy.com? Mateo Lane on Instagram. Mateo Lane on Instagram, Mateo Lane on TikTok. Mateo Lane comedy on YouTube, I think, or Mateo Lane. Okay. You guys will find it. Yeah, you'll find it.

And you know where to find us at Girls Gotta Eat.com. Get tickets to our tour. We cannot wait to see you guys all over the country. Girls' Got Eat Podcast on Instagram and on TikTok. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is reina. Atrena.com. Our other company, Vives only.

Get your butt plugs. Get your blowjells. Vimesoli.com, Vives Only on Instagram, and subscribe on YouTube. We'll see you next week. Have good week, guys. Bye.