Girls Gotta Eat - "Why Do Men Think This Is Ok?" feat. Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

We're once again analyzing confusing dating situations and male behavior with some of the best in the game -- Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham of U Up? podcast. We discuss a guy refusing to commit after a year of dating, "dealbreaker" behavior from your boyfriend's mom and how to address it, not agreeing on getting a dog, and finding/deleting your man's nudes folder on your shared (!?) computer. We also share a tactic for managing a tough dating situation on your own, and catch up on Rayna's hobbies and Ashley's alter ego. Follow Jared on Instagram @JaredFreid and Jordana @JordanaAbraham and check out U Up? podcast. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @RaynaGreenberg. Check our website for tour dates, tickets, and merchandise. Thank you to our partners this week: Dame: Get 15% off your first order at dameproducts.com/gge. Calm: Get 40% off a Calm subscription at calm.com/gge. Candid: Go to candidco.com/gge, code GGE for your risk-free starter kit + $75 off. Nutrafol: Get 20% off at nutrafol.com with code GGE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I love that Jordana said a couple of things. Where does this end is so funny. As if they'd be over Thanksgiving and she'd be like, come on, come to Mama and then she'd start rubbing her tit while making out with her. Right. She's not finger in you. That's Trish Ann. What is happening?

You didn't see my thing. Sometimes I skip your stories because I get jealous when you hang out with other people. I was alone. I was alone in my truck. I was in the F-150 down the beach. Trish Ann. If you were at the beach, I get jealous when you Hang out with the beach.

You didn't watch any of them? She's a case. Trish? On vacation, I don't like to look at your internet stories. I might see you with somebody else. You know how I feel about this. All right, y'all, let's get into these partners. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

Hey, y'all, is Ashley Rina? Actually, it's not. It's Trish, I am. Trish for short. Now I need a name. My friends call me Trish. You have to do a Pittsburgh. Someone said, can you please do a whole episode in that voice?

And I said, no, for me to do it in my, in Trish's voice. And I said, yeah, if Raina does a whole Pittsburgh for Yin's. I actually like my stepmother's Dallas voice more than my favorite voice. It's better. Yeah. I hit it. Pittsburgh is tough. Like Delaware is tough. Pittsburgh's tough to stick with long term.

Dallas I could do all day. She's like, Raina, your daddy loves me so much. I mean, most of the time, most of the time he does. The other times. Let's do it. Trash is ready. What are we doing? Guys, the weather is nice. It's going to rain in about an hour. I actually got actually to start recording exactly what I wanted to. We did it, guys.

Guys, it's live show week. I can't believe it. Not our first, but probably going to be the best. I don't want to give anything away, but we have some really fun stuff planned. I'm really excited. Ashley, I let her plan the show because I let her play all the live shows when we were on tour. So Ashley plans it. And I come and it's great. I literally sit right it down. I go, hear me out. And I say all these things. And she goes, yes, yes. Just fuck it. Just do it. I just, you're good at it. Listen, you're just good at it. I like when you do it. Yeah. So it's going to be great. Tickets are still available up until the moment that we go live. Yeah. No sense of urgency. But what are we going to do? Where are you going to go?

You guys have nothing else to do. Yeah. Break out the alcohol, your girlfriends. Get the tickets. Yes. Get the tickets at Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. again, this Wednesday, September 2nd, 9 p.m. Eastern Time. So 6 p.m. for our West Coast and whatever else for the, you know, all the other time. You know your time. You know where you live. And I wanted to say also get your charcutory, charcutry. You did it. And we have the board lord, the king of all sharkutry boards on the episode today. My lord and savior, Jared Fried. With his co-host, Jordiana Abraham of the U.U.S. podcast, but I wanted to tie in Cherkutri while I could. That was a great segue. Thank you so much. I love Jared so much. We awkwardly brought it up on his show. On his. Yeah. So we're going to be on their show as well. So we did like a fun little swap. And you guys sent us awesome emails. We picked

really great topics. And Jared and Jordana helped us break down all the topics for you guys. Yeah. So stay tuned for that. That is what we're doing today. A cornucopia of topics. Yeah, it's a lot. There's mouth kissing and where do we stand. Yes, blow job. There's a lot. A lot. There's like a PSA about blowjob videos. Jared got really serious.

Yeah. Jared really, he took a feminist angle on that. So what was the last time you saw Jared? Okay. All right. So you know what? This was on there episode two. We should be on there this Sunday, I think.

Like a week from yesterday. They do Sunday episodes now. And in the episode with him, I referenced March 12th, which is a date that will stick in my mind forever because I feel like it was the last semi-normal. Like, we knew COVID was here, but I had, I had my show at the stand that I co-host with Francis. It was kind of our last hurrah. It felt, it felt like, it felt weird. It felt ominous. And it was just, but it was like we were all together.

And it really was like the last big night. But Jared was on that show. I forgot to bring this up on his episode. So I'm bringing it up now. and thanks for leading me into it, because it was embarrassing. He was on the show. And when he came in, again, March 12th, we still were like, what are we doing? Is COVID, is the thing?

Do we need, can we not touch? Can we? And I went to hug him and he like pretty much blocked me. He was like, whoa, like he did like almost like a bob and weave and like, he made tricks out of it. He made tricks out of it and like gave me an elbow. Uh-huh. He emojised you out of it.

I feel like there is no one for whom COVID is better than you. you and Jared, like non-huggers. Right, because I, he would do that before. But I didn't want to, you know, I never want to hug anybody. I just never know how to greet them. And I always get a little awkward with those in the middle friends. I know, this is great for you. Yeah.

I hate it. I would die for a hug. So we wanted to do something today. We have gotten a lot of new listeners over the last few weeks from the Jamila episode, the Michaela episode, and Dr. Miraz's episode. So a lot of you are new here. So we want to welcome you. Ouch.

We want to welcome all of our new listeners and introduce our. No. Raina said she wanted to do this. And I was like, no, bitch. Like one of those girls on Instagram, they get like a surge of new followers. And they go, a lot of you are new here. I'd like to reintroduce myself. Listen, if you do that, no shade.

I think it's very funny because you see it a lot. You see it a lot. So we want to introduce ourselves. I'm Raina. Oh, I'm Trish. And my friends call me Trish. I'm from Beaufort, South Carolina. I have a new co-host.

No. We said that we never, we joke that we never say who we are. If you're new here, you're like, which one's which. I'm Ashley on the tall one. I'm Rana. I'm the one that you all say is stupid on the internet. I have the big boobs. I'm the bitch.

I love air conditioning and outdoor showers. I hate bugs. I don't know what we're doing all this. I know we're doing bios. I'm from Pittsburgh. I'm in Delaware. I went to school in Indiana. I went to Clemson.

And we're just really happy you guys are here. Yeah. Thanks for joining us. Thank you for being here. Also a little bit about me. I don't exercise, but I have started. Yes. If I started, I mean twice, I've done it.

Raina texted me that she had just ridden 12 miles on her stationary bike and I called her because I just had, I feel like it was such a mile. So it's like with somebody telling you they get engaged, you like want to call them or that they're pregnant, you know? Yeah, except for when somebody's pregnant, I'm like, you're sure about those? Yeah. But yeah, I actually told actually like 12 things. The end of it, I ended it with.

I had just gotten off my bike and you called me. You're not like talking on the phone. Nobody likes talking to the phone more than you. It is my nightmare and you can't get enough of it. I will text you and you won't respond for hours. But I'll just keep texting, obviously. You know, I don't stop. Yeah.

I'm there. There's pages and screens and screens. I'm getting them. And you're just on the phone. I like talking on the phone. You drink and talk on the phone as like as exclusively as like your main social activity. I like it. I don't say, lately I've been going out. Like, when I stay at home, I'm like, why am I here? It's summer. Like, I'm so bored. So I was just like fire up some wine,

fire up a phone call. But you talk, you really have like close relationships with like your aunt and uncle, for example. Like I don't talk to my aunt and uncle on the phone and get drunk for two hours like you do. I love that about you. Like you really value phone conversations. I don't think of myself as a phone call person. Like, I don't want people that I can see on a normal basis to call me. Okay. I don't want phone calls from anybody that I can take a cab to. Okay, got it. I exclusively reserved if I talked to my mom once a month for like a marathon. I talk to my dad like every day. You talk to your dad all the time. Arlen, Zoom call a lot. Talk to this guy last night for two hours and 12 minutes. It was a lot. Which guy, Raina? Maybe you want to call back from the aura episode.

Because everybody hates him based on what they heard because all they heard was he's going to break us up. That is not what they heard. Do you think that's what they heard? Why would they not? That's what she said. She said that we're soulmates. That's all I heard. She said he, she said, Ashley, he will try to take you down.

Yeah. All right. Not those exact words, but it was, she said he will come for you. She alluded to it. She said he'll come for you. I feel like you're a pretty decent match for him. I mean, you don't either. down is good, but you know.

I'm a big dick, though. I think you can put your dick on the table against him a little bit. So, yeah, I was on the phone with him. Yeah, you were like, we need to talk about this on the show. How much you talk on the phone? I talk on the phone a lot. Yeah. That's my social life.

And Dylan. I've talked to Dylan a lot. Okay. We need to bring them up on every episode. Yeah. So you have a story to tell. It's not like that interesting. I just wanted to like share it with you and get your thoughts.

So I spent last week, you went out of town, so I had to go out of town. Yeah. You had plans other people, so I had to make them as well. So I went up to the lakehouse that I go to sometimes where my girlfriend or sister live. So I went up there on my way back from Deposit, New York, which is sort of up out of Catskills. We had dinner and we had this sauce at dinner.

It was like in a jarred sauce, an Indian jarred sauce, and they got it at Wegmans. And it's called a simmer sauce. And I never heard that before. But it's like, I mean, you see 10,000 brands of tomato sauce on the shelves. There's these Indian sauces. Okay. So it was like the best.

Simmer sauce. That sounds like a summer banger. It was fun. Get that simmer sauce on your wok. I feel like simmer sauce is a song Migos would have. You get Migos vibes. Okay. Because I do have a song about stir fry.

Are you here feeling me on this? I'm feeling you. No, I'm feeling you with 100%. I feel like to be the hottest song of 2021. It's going to bust it out for the summer of 2021. We can all bust ourselves out. So I decided I had to get this. It was from Wegmans.

So I did a detour on the way back from Deposit New York to Wegmans in New York. It took me like, I don't know, an extra hour or something. Are Wegmans like hard to find? No, they're just not in Manhattan proper. Okay. If you guys know what Wagmans are, it's the greatest grocery store of all time in the world. But it's only, I think, in New Jersey or New York. I'm not sure.

I have the internet. Don't DM us. So I go to Wegmans and I clean them out of this sauce. I bought 15 jars of it. What? And I... What flavor profile are we talking? It's just like a tomato base, sort of like almost like a teakomassala, but very spicy, like

curry sauce. You don't like it. No, I love everything you just said. It's incredible. And by the way, like I chop up like ginger and garlic and some extra like, I I put some cilantro in it. So it's just like a sauce base and I add some extra stuff. It's phenomenal.

Anyways, I got in the car and I have 15 glass jars. And I realized I don't know how to secure things in a car. Like groceries. You don't have to secure the bag. I've never learned this skill before. So like I drove back to New York with all these glass bottles just like clink, clacking all over these giant SUV. Just like crashing into each other rolling around the backseat. And I realized like because I live in Manhattan, this is like stunted my,

abilities because like I've never gone groceries and put them in a car really. Oh yeah. It's like walking dogs. Like I just never learned the skill. Like how did you learn how to secure groceries in a car? I don't know. Just like critical thinking skills. Just in general. I like, I don't know. I'm so. I like couldn't wait to tell you about this because I just kept thinking like why is this a skill I don't have. I can see you. I can see the jars clink clanking and you just turn the music up. Like you're just like I can't hear that. I turned the people up because I was like, I mean, we're too far gone. There's nothing can do about this.

And I just realized this is like a skill I don't have. Did they put them in a box for you? Like when you buy a bunch of alcohol, they were just in like bags. They were just in bags in the back of an SUV. Did you have any beach towels? Okay, do we use to cure them with beach towels? I probably would have just rummaged around in the car.

Found some like soft materials. Okay. And like, you know what I mean? Like kind of like a, what do they do with babies? Car seats. No. They, swaddle them. What do they do with babies?

I would have swaddled the jars. Ashley and I are going to be great moms. I can't even secure a glass bottle in a car. Like I could never secure a human in a car. I was just excited to tell you because I just realized, like, I don't have this skill. Like, I'm stunted. Yeah, well, you exercise now. Maybe you can figure out how to swaddle bottles.

No. Okay. No. One thing at a time. Okay. I've exercised twice. So I don't want to flex. Everybody relax.

Okay. Don't DM Raina about any sort of like fitness instructor she needs to follow. you, yeah. I don't want to do. You did DM me yesterday was Fred Smith from our episode in June. And he told me I should take his class. Okay. Yes. So Fred, who said that he was doing at home classes and also Bobby Westside, they both do independent spin classes. I think Bobby's Instagram is Bobby X Westside. But you can always, if you have a bike at home, you can like take their classes, which I love. So you should try that. I'm going to. And I think Fred and Bobby both are so great energy and I'm excited to do it.

Okay, I have an update on somebody that's your vagina. That's not my vagina. It's a person that we do talk about on this podcast that is late to the pandemic by about five months, but he has arrived. Okay, what does that mean? Lee Heseltine, my dad has started baking bread. No. It's not even April anymore.

What I was like, can't even do. That? Can you even do that in August? It is August. We are so far out of the bread stage. He went, we had this bread maker when I was a kid. Like, they used to bake bread all the time. But then they just put it wherever.

It's, you know, in the garage. It's in the Netherlands. He found it. He dusted it off. He's been baking bread up a storm. Okay. The bread part of the pandemic was like the Tiger King part of the pandemic. Do you know how long ago that was?

That is crazy. What kind of bread? Like bread you'd eat like sandwich bread. Like hard. hearty bread. He puts it in the bread maker. Yeah. Okay. Because I remember like, there was only like, it says you can make hundreds of kinds of breads, but every bread I ever made tastes are the same out of that thing. I can't imagine Lee Hustle Time baking. I want your mom to send me photos. Yeah. He's not, he's not doing like, big man. He's not doing like, you know, bread. Bread bread, man bread. Man bread. Man bread. I, mm-hmm. I tasted it. Some point. I stopped by their place on the way down. I kept my distance, wear a mask. I was like, don't touch me. Because you know, I don't want to touch anybody anyway. I know the pandemic is perfect for you. And then speaking of the pandemic,

I have one show recommendation and it is love in the time of Corona. So this is on Hulu. It was on Freeform. And Hulu snagged it immediately. I don't know what free form is. That's like a channel. No, free form.

It's like a channel. Wait, freeform used to be something. The CW? Maybe. I think that's a good call. So Hulu has this. I did a poll on my Instagram story. Barely any of you guys have watched this.

because it's on Hulu. Ashley. Hulu's only in business because of Ashley. I'm single-handedly, keeping Hulu alive. Ashley, because Ashley told me about this show. And then yesterday she mentioned it, and I have no recollection of her telling me. And she was like, it's because it's on Hulu.

You said Hulu and I blacked out. I wonder if this was on Netflix, what the viewership would be. Because we're not going to... We always go down this road where we compare Hulu and Netflix's interface, and then I cut it every week because it's just not exciting. But anyway, it's really good. I'm going to give a... warning, not a spoiler. It is only four episodes. So know that going in because I was upset.

Episode four ended I'm ready to go into episode five and Hulu started playing fucking pretty little liars. I was like, what the fuck? You don't check ahead of time? I didn't check. I always check because I feel like I don't want to get disappointed. I always want to make sure that it's eight or in this or in the case of million dollar Hampton's house. I want to make sure there's less. Yeah. That show was not good. Okay. So don't watch that on Netflix. Yeah. Then I was like, when did they film this shit? So they said, started filming it. End of June, I think.

They bang this shit out. What city? I'm not sure where they filmed it. It looks like it's supposed to take place in L.A. It just is like an ensemble cast following different people in different situations. Like one girl is quarantined with her quote unquote gay best friend. I say that in quotes because he decides he might want to date women and she's in love with him.

But then she meets the neighbor. Wait, this is scripted. It's scripted. And there's only four episodes? There's only four episodes. So it's like watching a two-hour movie. It's really good. There's like an older couple and they're like separated,

but I don't want to give any spoilers. The one part I love is that they're this girl, she's like beautiful model. She is this hot neighbor and he's showering outdoors. So obviously I'm like automatically like drawn in. He's so hot. He's so your vibe. And she basically does kind of like thirst trap in with a book.

What's the book? I forget what her book was, but then he gives her a book back to read. Guess what it is? Safe hands. Normal people. They hit the pandemic stuff hard. Damn.

Also, Hulu. Of course, they're like trying to promote other Hulu shows. Like, they touch on, they really touch on some of the race stuff. Like when Ahmaud Arbery was killed, they talk about that in the show. How did they make this thing? It's, I mean, they started filming like end of June. Like, it's really good and I do recommend it. Okay.

I want to also give a rack. It's another podcast rack, which of course, listeners twice before you segue way over. But I've been listening to a nice way. parents is from the New York Times. It's a it's a five-part series and it talks about segregation and integration and so called integration in the public schools in America. And just like this idea of like we thought segregation ended and we thought there's all this integration and it wasn't. And it really just opens up your eyes. And I read the reviews because I was like, what are people going to think about this? Like you see a title like nice white parents and like

true to form. All these people went ballistic and we're like, it's not just white parents fall. and you have to look at all these other things. People like really like bombed the reviews. And do you think before they listened? I think a lot of people, yes, were triggered by the title. Okay. And the implication that like just white people are ruining the system. And some people were like, you need to look at the full picture.

And it's like, well, it's a social study. And I think it's like any, no social studies are perfect. And I think there's a million different pieces of this that could be looked at. But I thought it was really well done. It was really interesting. And at the very least, it opened my eyes to, you know, when we think segregation. ends. There's so many decades of like trying to build in good teachers, good facilities,

good books for these kids, get the white kids to go to these schools, things like that. I thought was really interesting. And maybe really think about my time in high school. I don't know why I would ever come up on the show, but I went to a public high school. Yes, go off. Big public high school. For public high school proponent. About one third of my school was black. So I grew up thinking I went to a school that was integrated. But I've always sort of felt like why do I feel like I never the black kids in my school. I never did. I was never in the classes with them. I had lunch periods with them, but that was it. And I always thought, like, why wasn't I around them? And I always thought I had, it never occurred to me in my school, like, wasn't integrated. So I just made me really

think about my high school experience and how I went to school with one third of the school being black, but they still found a way in my high school to sort of segregate the black kids into certain classes and segregate the white kids into certain classes. And if nothing else, it just made me, like, reevaluate the way that even I grew up and went to high school and what it was like for me versus what was like for the black kids and the facilities that they had access to and the certain teachers. And I know that we talked about race on this show quite a bit and we promised to we would keep talking about it and keep learning and keep growing. So I thought that this podcast in particular was a great tool for me to at least evaluate the way that I was educated and raised.

Yeah. You told me this and I want to listen to it as well. And I just, I don't know. I felt like I don't feel like my school was like that, but I don't know. I was in honors classes. So I was literally with the same kids from fifth grade on, which were more primarily white kids. And it's like, I just, it's, I need to, I want to like think on this and really try to think back. You know what I mean? And like, was that purposeful? I don't, I don't know. So, like, you got me thinking about it too. Because I grew up with like, it was very mixed. And I just never understood racism until college. And I mentioned that before in this podcast. So I didn't feel like I ever got even a taste of it. My favorite teacher was black in elementary school. But then

I was thinking did I have more black teachers after that? That's like I want to think on it a little bit more and I want to listen to the podcast for sure. And if courses by the New York Times, they fucking crush it, still obviously listen to the daily every day. You remind me constantly to listen to the daily. Yes, I like the idea that you just sort of like marinate it and think about it. And one thing, I think it's the third episode. If it's not, it's the fourth where they talk about the gifted programs in schools. And they assert that this is just sort of a way to like continually segregate kids. And I don't know if that's true or not. I don't know, but I at least maybe think about it a little more.

And I was always just in classes with the white Jewish kids. I mean, it makes you examine everything. You just examine like income and like poverty level and then systemic racism with that and where kids lived. And it wasn't that anybody that was a minority had a lower IQ or wasn't as smart. But maybe they just hadn't had the resources up into that point to like excel as much as the white kids. I mean, it's so much. If anything, it just made me sort of think about my life and my upbringing in the school system. I think it's like a really important listen. And you guys can form your own opinions about it. Yeah, take a lesson. Before we bring Jared and Jordana on, we have an email that came through that we really wanted to reach you guys though and

chat about it. Before we bring them in for their hot takes. Yes. So we put out a call to you guys. We asked you to send us emails about your dating life questions you had that Jared and Jordana and us could just all wrap together on. And we got this email that Ashley and I just wanted to talk to you guys about ahead of time before we bring them on. I was so proud of this. This is one of my dream emails. I've always dreamt about getting an email like this from one of you guys. So we said please send us your your 911 dating 911. Yeah. And this girl sent us an email. I sent it to Ashley. This is one of my favorite emails. Okay. She says, Hi guys. Just spent 30 minutes typing out and editing an email regarding this topic. Then after

reading my own email, I realized I just got to dump this motherfucker. I answered my own question, but wanted to thank you ladies for creating the best podcast and community ever. Anyway, I'm off to ruin this guy's day and ego. Don't worry. It's warranted. Cheers. I love it. I love her. I love this email. And that is how you do it. Write out an email like you're writing it to us and then reread it and still feel like if the answer is not that this relationship is over. Sometimes it's not. We got so many emails that we're really in like a gray area that people really need a device and help and we're going to get into them. But like, this is such a way of like putting it into writing because you have so much going on in your head when you're trying to assess a relationship and your emotions

and everything just to put it on paper. Like you're asking for advice and then reading it back and being like, what the fuck am I doing? I think it is a great exercise. You and I've talked about doing this all the time. I like make notes in my phone all the time as I'm going to bed. I usually like get high and make notes because I'm like super critical of myself. I think I'm also thinking about things a little more critically. But I've always thought when we get these emails from you guys because you sent us these emails and they're so well written and they're so well thought out and they're so introspective and I always think, you know, so many times we get these emails asking for advice. If you just said this thing to your partner, you could have a great conversation with them.

Of course, some things do warrant actually emailing a therapist or talking about some to somebody. But some of these emails I just think, you know, direct this at your partner. You'll have an amazing conversation. You did this so eloquently to us because you felt like you were in a space that was non-judgmental, which you always are with us. But just take that and retarget it towards your partner. Yeah, exactly. Or towards yourself. Yeah, you have the outline in front of you.

You just wrote it. So take it to your partner or just dump them like this girl. Olivia. I'm off to ruin his day. Thank you, Olivia. He deserves it. He needs to apologize to her. Oh, my God.

I write a lot and I find it really therapeutic and it really helps me. And especially when I'm like super mad. And whether that's in anybody, a family member, a friend, a relationship, I put it on paper and then I realize I'm not as mad as I think I am or I'm not thinking as clearly as I would like to be. And I find it a very, very therapeutic exercise. Yes, because conversely, you could read that back and be like, oh, I'm crazy. You write out the shit that's been going on and then you're like, oh, damn. Like then it makes you reflect.

Either way, it just can ever hurt. Oh, damn, she's nuts. Yeah. I went through this. Remember last year this crazy roller coaster that I, that guy and I like, broke up and he sent me an email a month later to my very nice, very well-thought item.

He sent me this like six page, a bunch of bullshit. I sent him, I wrote out three emails and there was a different reina in each of those emails. There was like understanding Raina, there was blind rage Raina. And then there was, I literally don't give a fuck. I'm sending you a one sentence, have a nice life email. And

all three of those Raina's appeared in one day. You really cycle through a lot of this shit. Life comes out you fast. It came really bad. You know, like, yesterday I was not okay. You witnessed it today. I'm on fire. Last night I was like, I'm buying a house and I'm writing a pilot.

It was crazy. I had to turn it around. But like your mental state and how you're feeling can shift so quickly. I had a really bad day yesterday, which I felt like I was in a dark place. I was telling you, I was like, I'm really sorry. I feel unproductive. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I think we all have those days since March.

And, you know, it happens to the best of us. But then I just was like, okay, I got to like clear my head, get my shit together, be productive, do something. And I'd just say that to say, like, you do have blind rage and it can turn to rational in an hour. Yeah. Acceptance, understanding. Yeah. I can get more mad.

I talk to friends. I like blind rage, nah. That's me. That's my vibe. Alter ego. But we do have more dating scenarios that we are going to break down with our guests for today. So we are going to introduce them to you right now without further ado for an awesome episode. We have Jared Freed. He is a hilarious New York City comedian. He is the host of the J-Train

podcast. He is the charcutory chat board lord and Bachelor Nation recapper. We also have Jordana Abraham. She is the co-founder of Betches Media and she recently became fiancée. Together, they are the hosts of the U-Up podcast. Welcome to Girls Got to Eat, guys. Thank you so much. I'm going to put that. It's the first time I've been introduced that way. I'm going to put it on my resume. Fiance. I love, I loved every bit of that intro.

You get to be fianceed and I get to be bored, Lord. I want both of those titles to stick with us forever and ever. When we were, we were chatting and Raina goes, wait, I'm forgetting. What's the name of Jared's thing? And I go, Chercutery chat. And she just died laughing. Like, to get to say it out loud with such a privilege earlier today. I said to Ashley, I was like, is Jordanica?

going to be insulted that I list all the stuff that Jerry does and then I'm like and Jordana is engaged. I mean, I feel like like I maybe like should be but I'm not at all. No, you shouldn't. I'm not at all. Well, especially, especially you guys know this like having a podcast where you talk about dating and

stuff like when Jordana got engaged, it was like the scene at the end of like Star Wars where they're all dancing and we're all like, everyone felt involved because, you know, know, we, the listeners and everyone was a part of it and new, and especially with a podcast. Like, you guys know, like, it's the most intimate way to like, you know, listen to someone. You're inside people's heads literally. So I, you know, I was sitting there being like tear down my cheek. Like, Jordana's in cage. Like, we did it. Like, as a group holding hands.

That's what my therapist and I said together. I like told him. I like, show him. He's like, he's like, we did it. He's like, you graduated from the show. You guys released like an emergency episode about this? Literally sprinted to Zoom to talk about it. Jared, I'm just upset you weren't involved. Like, I feel like you should have been in a bush filming. Like, I just feel like people expect you guys to be together involved. To live stream it and like just give like kind of like making fun of it the whole time.

I wish that happened. Jared live tweets your engagement. That's how you get on one knee. You look like an idiot. I'm shirtless screaming. Yeah, just my normal thing. You live. reacting to this like it's the bachelor?

Yeah, like live screaming. So I have to tell people two fun facts about you guys. So Jared, you are, we've only ever had two guests on the show three times. You are one of them. So this is your third time on our show. You were one of our first guests ever. I feel honored. And we take, this is our fourth tape because the first one, we didn't tape.

We just talked to each other. It was bad. Remember? We, we fired those people. It wasn't our fault. This isn't a blame game. This is a, I remember, it's so funny because I was like, man, I really felt like I nailed that. And then you guys go, okay, we didn't tape any of that.

We just literally sat in a room talking. And I was like, okay. And then I'm like, what were the fun things I said? And yeah, it's like this weird thing because we did a great episode together. But I was like, man, I want to make sure I get in like these three things that I thought were good points. You know, like now we're like doing an act. but we felt like it was better the second time because we didn't really know how to like handle you the first time

like you come in really you came in so hot and we didn't know like your energy and so when you came back we were like more equipped to handle you you brought your shields and your swords and you're like I know how to fend the beast and off the board Lord and we we referenced it all the time like something someone emailed us the other day

and she was like up with me right before he knew I had to go into a and we think about you all the time. I don't know if you remember this, but like you saying that like women will always over dramatize a breakup of like when it happened in their life. Like it was like, he knew I had a project due in three days. It was my half of my half birthday. Can you believe it?

And all the women are like, I can't believe it. He knew it was your half half birthday. And you're like, oh, you know, the dumper is never the winner in any of those situations. So can you believe he broke up with me during Virgo season? On, yeah, Virgo season. He knows how much I love Virgo season. It's like he knows how much I have. I think what you said he,

he knows I have lunched my aunt this week. Yeah. Jared always likes to support the detestable. Like how do you want to make the support group for the, for the ones who do the dumping who you think are the real victims. I had to break up with you. Yeah. It's way harder.

getting broken up with. No one ever thinks of the dumper. I'm just saying. Exactly. Jared's a dumper apologies. I'm a dumper apologies. He is. He's like, he's like, I had to, any of the divorced guys, he's like, I had to, you know, they had to get down to the courthouse, file the petition. If that takes work. Download Tinder. I was thinking about selling sunset. I was thinking, do you guys watch selling sunset? Girl, of course. We talked about it today. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Well, and on the show when she's like blinds, and he's like he went down and filed. I was just thinking about how you would like defend him.

Yeah. I mean, like, didn't tell her she was getting divorced until like 45 minutes before he filed or something. I'm going to not feel bad for the women closing billion dollar deals in the back of Rolls Royces for two seconds. Like I'm like, well, it's debatable if any of them are actually real estate agents. It is one of those. That show is such a fun watch. But there is a moment where you're like, wait, they're all billion, they're all million, million zillionaires? Like I forget that. And then they're in like the nicest car ever. But I could,

we could go on. I'm sure. Well, the other fact I wanted to tell you guys, the fun fact was we recorded with you guys the last time exactly two years ago in September of 2018 was the last time we had you on the show and we came on your show. Wow. That's so funny. That's crazy. Has it been two years? That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like yesterday. It really does. We were talking about this, you know, Jordana and I were talking about this. Like the, the weird thing about 2020 is that it's the longest year and the fastest year at the same time. I don't know how this happened, but January was yesterday and six years ago at the same time for me. At the same time. Yeah. So accurate. It's so funny, Jared, because where you live looks really similar to my building. And I DM June was like, did you move in in my building?

And you were like, no, no, no. And I like have this feeling that like you're just trying to avoid me. And one day I'm going to see you. And you're going to like, no, no, I was I was lower east. I swear. And I'm just going to like see you at the gym. We're in the elevator together. Oh, I guess you were right. Sorry. Want to come over? Want to hang on the route? Yeah. Our listeners sent us all these emails and we tried to get a whole big mix of different topics. We're going to pitch you guys the email. We want your advice. We want you to tell people what to do, what you think. I feel like you guys are like, you up is like, I have an issue. I need help with it immediately. Like you guys are kind of like the emergency response team. And so, you know, yeah, we get those emails and then we'll respond like

two months later when their problem is like, we cannot help at all. It's like in the, we pre-recorded. I'm sure you guys do this too. We pre-record a lot. So like by the time anyone hears our advice, it's definitely too late. But hopefully. Yeah, they already burned the relationship to the ground. We dug up emails from 2018 just to fuck with people who needed immediate response. Listen, I'm at his front door. I need to know, should I knock or not? Three years later. Also, we didn't get as much. Also, we didn't get as many emails as I thought I would because Ashley posted on our Instagram story that she wanted emails, but she wrote, what is your brevity? I said, because people will send us three page emails. And so I just wrote brevity is key.

And Raina was like, how many people do you think Googled brevity? I mean, I was like, literally doing that right now as we speak. But I say this all the time with the emails, like the women, the female emails and our audiences are very similar. It's very, you know, female heavy. And they are so in depth and like they make them so much more interesting. But there are some that they're like, it was a Tuesday in the fall. The wind hit my face. I don't know. The leaves came down and you're like, okay, enough about the leaves.

Let's talk about pee in the vein. They're like, buckle up because this is going to be a long one. It's like going on a date and being like, I just to let you know, I'm going to be a total lunatic. So get ready. But the thing is like you have to take the good with the bad because my podcast. podcast used to be all male listeners and their emails were just the same. Like it was like, it was like, so I met this chick and I want to bang. And you're like, okay, there's got to be more to this dating thing than this. Like, right. I need details. So it's hard to find the happy medium,

but I understand the, it's tough. It is. But we do get some incredible emails and we're so honored that our lovely listeners want to share this stuff with us. We know you guys feel the same way. So let's get into it. Just a FYI about this first. one. We chose a wide array, but this one's just, a lot of them felt like this. So we at least wanted to have one in here to hear what you guys say and, you know, do, do the advice thing, but just to keep that in mind so many, probably 50 were just like this one. Cool. Okay. He treats me like his wife, but panics when I try to put rules on our situation ship. I, 28, have been quote unquote, dating the man in question 34 since September of 2019. We spend lots of time

together go on weekend trips and the sex is ridiculous, but he also consults me on career moves, financial decisions, asks me to help redecorate his condo and relies on my opinion for almost every big decision in his life. The only problem, we aren't together. Not sure if we're even dating. Anytime I bring up the conversation, like when I suggest we only sleep with each other due to COVID concerns, he freaks out and thinks I'm trying to lock him down. He acts like we're together, but recoils at the hint of commitment. He's starting to open up more, but it also feels like two steps forward and one step back. I've told him I want more, but he only gives me a little at a time and on his own terms. Should I be patient and see where this goes, or is he using me? Is this a lost

cause? Does he want me as a girlfriend or his mom? I know the answer is that I need to have higher standards, but why do men think that this is okay? Yeah, this is very tough. I, um, Jordana, do you have any thoughts? Um, yeah. I mean, I think this is just a case of someone taking whatever is given to them because, like, she clearly wants something out of this. She, like, has both, localized it and the person is just not giving her what she wants. And avoiding a conversation is another way of saying no. It's just not saying no without having the respect to say no to someone's face. So if I were her, I would say you keep avoiding this conversation. This is what I want. It doesn't seem like you're interested in doing that. So like I'm going to move on. Obviously much easier

said than done as we've said before. Yeah. This is like easier said than done. But also I, the one thing, when I hear her email, it's a lot of like absolving herself of any responsibility. Like I, like, just read that last sentence, if you don't mind once again. I know that the answer is that I need to have higher standards, but why do men think that this is okay? That's the thing. Why do men think this is okay? And it's like, she's like, I need, she's put everything in generalized terms.

So she doesn't want to feel bad. So like, like, I can only speak to her as the emailer, you know, like a lot of times it's like, Why do men do this? I can tell you what he's doing. He gets to fuck you without responsibility. That's the key to this whole thing. He gets you as a girlfriend on his terms. He gets to have you at his convenience.

He doesn't want to be inconvenience by you. So that's why he runs away at inconvenience. So it's interesting, though, because she writes a lot of things where it's like, I know that he, it's all in him terms. What about you? You have to be willing to get up from the negotiation. table. She's sitting there negotiating with him and then every time he gives

his terms, she goes, I'll give up and I'll agree. And then complaining to other people that she lost on the negotiation. At a certain point, it's your fucking fault. And I don't mean to come so hard on her because I agree. He's an asshole.

He, you know, like I'm not saying what he's doing is using you. But like, even when she says, is he using me? Well, he doesn't see it as destructive as you. He is dating you based on the contract negotiation terms that he has created and he's not willing to move from his side. You have to be willing to get up from the table. And I think like, I, now she's using time on her side. She's like, it's been since 2019. I see what she's doing.

Coming up on a year. Exactly. But he doesn't see it that way. She is this girl I hook up with. There's no like, it's been almost a year. Like that Jordan and I, we talked about that with a guy that like doesn't go away. Like, well, it's been the 10 year saga. And it's like no guy thinks of it in those terms. Yeah. And I mean, I've been in that 10 year saga and it's kind of like, it's up, no one's ever going to be like, if someone's not being straightforward with you in the beginning, they're never going to really like tell it to you straight. It's up to you to kind of like move or see past the bullshit and like move on, which is really difficult, obviously. But it's kind of like something you have to take into your own hands because no one's going to like cut the cord.

And here's what he's doing. He's not. And, and to make this, I don't know if this helps her, but it would help me is like he's not turning you down as much as he's turning down responsibility. You know, like this whole like, oh, you know, like she wants to know who he's fucking during a pandemic. He's probably fucking nobody. You know, like he's probably not, but he doesn't want to answer to who else he might be trying to fuck. Yeah. I feel like, I feel for her and I can see how these situations really spin out of control. but I also feel like this is sort of tough love time.

And we did an episode a while ago called How Can I Make Him Commit? And we talked about this before. And it's like, he's just taking whatever you're giving until you're not willing to give it anymore. You're just, you keep giving it to him. You give him all these things. You fuck him. You give him attention. You help decorate his apartment.

Yeah. I would literally. I would take that deal. Absolutely. And she thinks that's going to change. Well, that's the other thing. Like how to make him commit is kind of like, I don't mean to disagree with the perspective. but like it could be changed to like, well, what's your standard?

You got to own the standard. She does a lot of things in her email where she's like, she's like, well, I, he thinks I want a relationship. You want a relationship. Like, let's take a moment to look in the mirror and go, yeah, I want a relationship with this guy. And she's doing this to not get hurt. She's trying to, she's doing death by a thousand paper cuts. That fucking sucks. And instead of going, hey, I want this.

And it's not I want the label. It's like she wants like three things. She wants commitment, an act of commitment and like a sleepover that doesn't have him running out the door and saying, well, I'll call you when I call you. Like if she broke it down to like the actual thing. She wants a security. Yeah, she wants a little security, but also through action. You know, like, and for him, like, if I were him, I'd be like, yeah.

Like, and the reality is going to be I don't like, for him, I've been in that situation where I'm like, you're a great person. I like you so much. You offer me a lot, but I can't get to that next level with you. And that's hard. Yeah. And we, the episode titled,

how can I make him commit was basically like you can't make anybody do anything. So the only answer was like you say what you want and you're going to have to walk away. Perhaps it could work out in your favor. But you can't just keep giving and giving and giving and decorating his apartment and helping him with his career and like expecting one day he's going to be like, she's great. Like it's time to settle down. Well, you only lose.

you only lose weight when the pants don't fit. That's the reality. Like no one's like, I got to lose weight because of no reason. You try to lose weight when you see yourself in a picture looking fat, when you don't fit in your pants, when your shirts are too tight, when you're uncomfortable.

She needs to own what she wants and make him feel uncomfortable. He might not feel uncomfortable. That's the scariest part. He might go, you know, let me go to the next one in Snapchat that I've been talking to. You know, like I, and I feel for her.

I'm just saying like, I understand, you know, we were talking like a lot of times I'm put in the position of defending the undefeensible. And I'm not trying to defend, like his actions are human in that there's survival, survival of the penis. Like it is like, how do I make sure this penis keeps working while not having to do work to make it keep working? You know what I mean? How do I do as little work as possible for as much money as possible? It's the same kind of for what he's doing. Right. Okay.

Well, I think she knows what she needs to do. Um, okay, second one, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. Early on in our relationship, we began to play deal breakers. If you don't know the premise of the game, you say something that could potentially break the relationship. For me, long fingernails on guys. Anyways, I once asked if you're a significant other kissing their parents on the mouth was a deal breaker. And my boyfriend said, no, my mom does that with me. I'm not going to get into the shame. I felt for dating someone that does this. But anyway, fast forward to six months to a year later and I meet his mom. I've long forgotten this conversation when she kisses me goodbye after meeting me for the

first time on the lips. I love it. She's never, I guess maybe she talked to the boyfriend because she says, she's never done this with any of his other exes. So on one hand, I'm flattered about the other hand. But on the other hand, I can't be the one to tell her to stop. My boyfriend says he doesn't know how to tell her. She wouldn't understand that it's weird. So I ask, what do you think? And then she gives us a PS. We're going to have to touch base and do it. Where are they now? But she says, I'm seeing her this weekend.

So I'll know if the pandemic has an impact on this. But I bet she still kisses me on the lips. So let's take the pandemic out of it and just discuss without that part of it. I think the worst thing in that email is that she says that the boyfriend said that he doesn't know how to like tell the mom to stop. Because that's like the first. That's the first of several offensive. that he's going to say that line to. And that's, like, not an acceptable line.

It's like, your parents are weird. It's totally fine to have weird parents. My parents are like lunatics. They're both like totally crazy. But you have to, you can date someone with weird, but they have to know that it's weird and they have to like step in and protect you

in a way from their weirdness. You know? It's not hard to say, mom, can you not kiss Jordana on the mouth? She's just kind of, she's got, you know, now with COVID, I feel like you have a real excuse to say, please don't kiss my partner on the mouth, mom.

Right. But I don't know. Blame out of boundaries. Where does it end, though? It's like, it's like, if you want some, and then it becomes like the battle of you versus the mother-in-law.

Like, you've got to, you've got to sort of like establish some sort of like thing where the boyfriend sticks up for you. Actually would be out so fast. I've got a, I have not touched. I've loved not touching people.

The pandemic has been so amazing for me. Like, I exist an excuse not to hug my family even. I'm just like, don't touch me. I just feel like they do have like the perfect excuse now. You know, like if her mom goes in for a kiss during COVID, I can't live.

I love this email so much. I can't tell you how much I love because I love that Jordana said a couple of things. Where does this end? It's so funny as if like they'd be over Thanksgiving and she'd be like, come on, come to mama. And then she'd start rubbing her tit while making out with her. Right. She's not great.

And then the boyfriend's there. just being like, yeah, Mom. Yeah, Jordana. Where's his end? Probably at the kids. Mom likes a hard nipple. She just wants everyone to feel good on Thanksgiving. I also love Jordana, you nailed it.

Like, she wrote this in the email. It is so funny when male or female, when you're into somebody, when you look for clues to know if you're in or out. And it's like her being at brunch, well, things with Jason are good. his mom French kisses me so that's a sign we must be like okay you know like it's so

I'm the chosen one basically so I know that we're not nothing but we're not engaged but I am French kiss worthy uh you know his mom fucks me with a dildo every single holiday you know like I so I'm in like so things are I don't know so

I love that like perspective I do think though like first of all this feels very Italian family-ish. Like, I actually, like, like, these are things that, like, I understand, like, hey, mom, can you stop?

But, like, this is one of those things that I feel like you're involving yourself with a family. It's like, what's wrong with her? She can't, she doesn't like to, she doesn't say goodbye. Like, that was what it becomes. Like, it's a little harder. It's a little harder for him than maybe we want to give him.

I understand the dynamic of like, like, especially right now with like politics being as so heated as they are. like, and you want to say to you're like a dad or mom like, hey, like, like, and then they come with their like fucking like, you know, like their American flag and their rifle. And you're like, can you like just tone it down? They're like, what? She doesn't like us as a family? And you're like, I just want to introduce you to a girl I like and I hope to one day love and hope to one day marry. You know what I mean? So I have a little empathy where like these are hard conversations to have, but like I wouldn't blame it on her. I think that's the disservice to

her. I think like he has to, you know, I hate the word, I hate this phrase, man up a little bit and just be like, mom, you know, like, mom, I, I can't watch you kiss my girlfriend. Like, put it on him. Like, but I think when you, yeah, I think you have to be careful of it. I just know as a, as a, a Jewish son, I know that like the conversation about like, hey, can you stop like kissing my girlfriend? She doesn't like it. And she, the first response wouldn't be, oh, I'm sorry, it would be, what doesn't she? like, you know, like doesn't, doesn't she say goodbye in her family? She thinks she's too good to kiss me on the lips. And it's like, it becomes more than just the kid. So I would say to him, he needs, she needs to tell her the boyfriend like, hey, take the bullet here. Take, take the loss and like just say it makes you uncomfortable because I'm trying like for her when she says like, I'm in, I got the kiss. Like that's a part of it. You know, like her saying that like it does mean something to get the love and effect. from your like significant others family and for them to like you. So you don't want to put a wrench in it by being like,

hey, tell mom to get the fuck away when I come in. You know, like, it's like, it's so like maybe he, I would say to him, which is hard for him, because I know that. If I was told like, hey, tell your mom, you know, stop hugging me. I'd be like, okay, give me like three years and like, let me prepare myself. Like it would be hard for me. Hopefully you'll break up before you have to deal with that. Yeah, exactly.

I can hear my Jewish mom being like, what do you mean? Why is she making a thing out of this? Why does she have to make this disgusting? Totally. Yeah. Why does she have to make this disgusting? Why is she sexualizing my affectionate? Yes. But also I have. But also I have. Lines from Jewish mother scripture.

I have a Jewish mother. I can hear her. I felt my mom in that, in that sentence. But my theory maybe is that, see, it's odd that she's the only one that's ever got in a mouth kiss. I think he's lying. So maybe he's in cahoots with the mom and he's like, listen, we're going to come over. You kiss her on the mouth. So I don't have to break up with her. You act fucking weird until she leaves me. Oh, my theory is that the mom does this to everybody. And when she complained to her boyfriend, her boyfriend thought of something quick. And he was like, you're the only one she's done

this with. Like he said it. So she would feel special and he could, you know, smooth it over. Either way, I'm 100%. I'm 100% with Ashley because I've done that before. One time, I, I, not with, you know, So my mom, you know, licked my girlfriend's ear. No, I, um, one, one time I, I, I had, uh, deodorant in my dobb kit in the, in my toiletry bag and it was female dove deodorant. And I remember the girl I was seeing was like, oh my God, you and I have the same deodorant. And I could see her in her mind, like writing the rom-com in her head for, like, she was writing the, the, the speech at our rehearsal dinner.

and I wasn't going to say, no, it was all they had left of the CVS when I was on the road once. Like, I couldn't say that. And instead, I was just like, yeah, that's crazy. Like, I went with it. You know, like, so I kind of understand that perspective where it's like, oh, I'll make her feel special and it kind of backfired on them. Okay. I think that we agree with Ashley. Okay.

All right, guys. The next. The third one, I think I might just have to stay mom on this one because I don't, you know. I threw it in here because I can just hear Jared yelling about it. Oh. Turn down your podcast, people. Jared's about to yell. Talk about this one. Okay. I don't like dogs. I swear I have a heart. I'm just not an animal person at all. My boyfriend and I have brought up getting a place together, but he really wants a puppy and doesn't seem like he's going to budge.

He says no dog might even be a deal breaker. I'm willing to make compromises, but I can't see the benefits of shedding vet bills barking and training a puppy in a new place. Is there a way for us to both be happy, sincerely the heartless girlfriend? Wow. I mean, I mean, like, you know, sometimes. Is that worse than not wanting kids for some people? For some people it is. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, I guess that's, I mean, I don't want kids and people, I guess that's a fair comparison.

I would imagine. I would judge you pretty hard for it because they're like, how could you not love an animal? Listen, I have an all white apartment. People judge you more for not wanting dogs. Yeah. They do. They judge you 100%. judge you more. Listen, my apartment is too nice

to have an animal in it. I sort of understand I don't want the smell. I don't want the shedding. But if my man wanted a pet, I'd be like, I guess we're getting a pet. All right, what do you guys think? I have a lot. I mean, I have a lot of deep rooted opinions, but I, Jordana,

do you have any, what do you think? I kind of think like, okay, unlike a child, I think a dog can be a one person thing rather than a two person thing. So I do think if it's like if he wants a dog and he's willing to take all take care of it actually and entirely all on his own and you're just kind of like there and you don't have any responsibility for the dog like fine I don't really think that works a ton when you have a kid um so that would be like the difference I would say

so I wouldn't stop someone from doing something they wanted to do as long as it just like affected me extremely minimally yeah and you can do a like dog that doesn't shed I mean you can say like fine you get your dog but here's some some boundaries I have for my home totally right there there were things on her list that are like doable with a dog. Like her list wasn't crazy. And Jordana, I'm with you. And I, here's the problem. And this is,

this could be related to bigger issues. And I know this is going to sound crazy. But I blame this problem on dog people because you, you, it's either I, it's either you fucking hugging a dog. dog at every corner to prove how much you love dogs or you're a dog murderer. There's no in between of like I, I'm like, like, I've told people, I'm like, yeah,

I like dogs and they go, oh, you hate dogs. Like, that's a response. That's a crazy response. So it sounds like she's like, she thinks this has to be, she has to like be so excited. She has to because if she's not, there's this like, this is this big brother out there, these dog people that are like, why aren't you more excited about your dog child. And it's like, no, no, no, it can be midway. Like, my girlfriend wants a dog. So Jess and I moved in together mid-pandemic. And she's like, I want a dog. And I'm, I sound like this person. And I said to

Jess, I go, okay, I'll split the cost 50-50, but I will do 10% of the work. Like, I will not, like, I'm just warning you. As long as you set it up with the, what, a, realistic expectation. Expectation. Yeah, this is expectation versus reality. So, but this is like a good moment for compromise where it's like, hey, I'll do, I'm willing to do these things. I'm willing to do a dog with the, and it's important to you.

So, but you have to understand what's important to me, right? I have, I know a couple and they're married and she wanted a dog so badly and he didn't care, but he, it was like this, but he, they like really laid it out before they got the dogs and this is your dog, you know, should anything happen between us? you obviously get the dog, but like, this is your dog. And to the point where, yeah, he walked it every once a while and he liked it. He didn't fucking kick it around. Sure.

One time she was out of town and he boarded the dog because he was, I went over there and I was like, where is the dog? And he was like, at the border. I mean, my wife's on here. Like he was like, that's her dog. And I, we settled this beforehand. The dog likes being at the boarding place. I'm too busy.

I'm working. I'm running a company. I don't have time to walk this fucking dog. That's not mine. She's out of town. The dog's at the border. Like, and she was fine with it because she kind of knew what she signed up for. but the girl, the emailer, sounds anti-dog.

But don't you appreciate that level of honesty of your friend where he's like, yeah, goes to the border. Like, I'm, like, I like appreciate that as like a significant other. It's like, he never set you up for like this wild expectation of like, but I, I, the one thing with her, like, she sounds anti-dog, but also, I think there's more of a chance that you like your dog than, you know, like dogs in general. It's like kids. Yeah.

I like my kids. I don't like your fucking dirty, gross kids. You know, like, so like, I think there's more of a chance of, there's less of a chance of after a year, she goes, I fucking can't do this. And there's more of a chance of her going, hey, I like my dog. I like the way we trained it.

I've actually come closer to him than I thought I would. I think there's, it could get better for her, you know? Or it could get worse. And they run into a situation that we've also got emails about where the guy is just like obsessed with the dog and the dog sleeps in the bed and the dog has to be between them at all times and now they're not having sex because the dog's always there. Like, guys get real fucking weird with their dogs. Sure.

I mean, more so than women. But that's ignoring the problems in the relationship via the dog. Like sometimes the dog, like, let's have a kid to save the marriage. This happens with dogs too, you know? Well, Jared, do you, I mean, do you think there's anything to one thing that I did that struck me as kind of weird in the email was that he was like, it might be a deal breaker if you're not interested in getting a dog?

I was kind of like, is he just saying that? Because he like kind of wants her to break up with him? I mean, I kind of wants this. That's like a strong statement. Like if you were not interested in this. Well, maybe he's letting the dog be representative of other things. Like you don't want to be nurturing. You don't want to care for something.

Like maybe she should let him know that it's not representative of other things. I still want to nurture you. I want to have kids. Because I'm a little bit like her. I don't necessarily want an animal in my space. It's just not for me. I love the animal in Ashley's space. And then I get to go home.

I agree with that. But I would be, I would be upset if somebody said it was a deal breaker for me. But I love what you said, Jordana. I think she should assess the relationship in other ways. Like, are there cracks that I'm not seen? And could this be? Because I think people do that.

They pick a thing if they are, you know, people that are scared to break up. And so they kind of pick a thing and hope that that's the reason they can break up with you. And guys do this a lot with relationships. Well, they'll take the unavoidable truth to use it. to instead of breaking up, you know, like, uh, I've been hurt in the past. So I could never be in a relationship again. It's like, I don't know what the fuck that means. You know, like guys, guys will play up the small thing.

Like, I remember we got an email once about a guy saw that like a dating app showed up on the girl's phone. And he was like, oh my God. How could I be with such a wench? And it's like, you know, like it's like you just wanted it out. He won it out. He knew that, like, men aren't given any emotional credibility. Women think men have zero emotional intelligence. So guys will use that to their advantage a lot of times where they're like,

oh, I'll get super emotional about this because now I can make a big deal out of it. So, like, I'm with Jordana. That could be an option. But, like, I think, again, the negotiation table. Like, she could say to him, hey, these are like six things and I don't want the responsibility of it. but I'm open to like seeing how this goes. And then if he's like, well, you don't want to,

I need a dog that sheds. And there you're like, okay, dude. Yeah. That's, it's like an on love is blind how like Jessica just kept throwing stuff at Mark. She was like, well, what if this? Well, what if I'm 50, you'll be 40? What if I love you see your mom again?

Yeah. What if you really, you love your mom too much? He's like, I'll stop loving her. He was like, well, what about this? I love that example. Okay. So here's, if she just says, fine, let's get a dog that doesn't shed, it doesn't bark, we'll take the vocal cords out, we'll do this whole thing and it'll be perfect. And then he's like, well, no, I need a dog that barks and sheds.

Then she'll know he just wants to break up with her. Exactly. The Jessica example, it's so true because it's, and I've been that person where I'm like, like, I've dumped people before. And I dump is a harsh word because I don't not like any of these people, but I was like trying to get out of relationships before where I've been like, I just don't know where we're going to. going to do and they're like, we'll do anything. Love will conquer all. And you're like, no, no, no, no. We'll figure it out. Yeah. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying we will, I will figure it out on my own. Without you. Without you. Yeah. This is where this ends. Okay, we have one more for you guys. Her email says, I was looking for my homework folder. Okay. How old are these kids?

Okay. I was looking at my homework folder. I was looking for my, it's legal. Yeah. I was looking for my bankie and all the and then I found my milky pens. And then all of a sudden. Okay. I was looking for my homework folder in our computer yesterday and came across a folder of videos of me sucking my man's dick. Looked closer in videos of his exes are in the same folder too. This is so fucked up. Like why am I part of this collection at least give me my own folder.

God damn it. I, I, I, I, for, hold on. I mean, that's fair. It's hilarious. It's like, okay. The priority. She's mad about the right things. Yeah.

It gets better. I freaked out. I called my best friend and she told me to go ahead and delete it all. I did. And now I'm panicking. Like shit, should I have not deleted it? It's not mine to delete it.

Is that a huge invasion of privacy? But also, if he were mad about me deleting it, then he doesn't live here. This, she used one of our tags, but she says, but also if he were mad about me deleting it, then he doesn't live here anymore, bitch.

Anyway, do I bring it up to him? Wait, wait. I'm so hurt. How did she go from the least confident person to the most confident person? I can see that it's funny. We're like, where your head goes. Right. Okay.

Anyway, do I bring it up to him? I'm so hurt. I feel objectified and betrayed. Jordana, what were you just saying? Because you're right. Like I just see like the mental spiral in this probably goes because like we're so in our heads that I can just imagine seeing this. And at first you're like outraged and then you're like,

I'm going to do my first instinct, which is to delete. And then you're, then you are like fighting with yourself internally of like, oh, is this an invasion of privacy? But also, who cares if it is. But then like you have like, you literally can have a debate with your own self in your mind and just not. I think a very big part of this email is did she know or not know that she was being videotaped? That's the number one thing. I'm very confused that the verbiage was strange to me because she said there's all these videos of me blowing him.

I'm assuming she knew. I feel like you see somebody. That seems like the bigger issue if that... But yeah, but that word objective... Wouldn't she feel objectified if she did... Like, the word objectified, I would assume, comes in because she didn't know. Right, the word objectified. Like...

Oh, I don't... That's the only... I mean, if... She could have just been trying to use a big word from her home... Well, if she didn't know, then she should delete all those pictures, all those videos anyway just because like... Hire an detective and a lawyer. I mean, this is crazy.

Well, sue him. It sounds like she lives with him. She said he'll have to move of... You can still sue people. I can sue anybody. I'm just saying, like, this is like, there's two different versions of this email. There's,

he tape me without me knowing, which is like run away, break up, delete all those. Like, this is not a good person. Like, you're, I mean,

this is just, this is bad. I'm saying like, you know, sound the alarms and I don't mean to be over dramatic, but like the, I don't know I was being taped.

And then you see other people that are taped. then you have to assume that they didn't know, and this is his thing, and this is, you know, this is as, um, this is as, um, this is as, um, this is as bad as, like, you know, having, you know, porn, you know, child porn. Like, I, I don't mean to like over do it. I, but I don't think that that's the case because I think this, this email would have had a different tone.

This email is like kind of light and silly. I just, I don't feel like she didn't know. I'm saying, we have to, we have to address that first just to be like, that's, right. So if that's a case, report to the authorities. But secondly, our computer. Like, this guy. I had all this stuff on the shared computer. Like so much of it is like,

is weird. Yeah, I, I, Jordana, what do you think? I, I, I,

I already had my, my parental moment. Sorry. We're going to answer it as if, um, she knew that, that all the pictures or videos that were taken of her were taken, that she consented to that.

I think if it's on your shared computer, then that's not even like you did something that was violating anyone's privacy or, I think of every right to delete something off of a computer that is partially yours, that is not something that you want on that computer. And like, I mean, if it is so sentimental to him that he will get mad that you, that's when he's going to get mad about, then I think then like,

that's the bigger, that's a bigger issue. You deleted my private stash. Like, like what? Right. Yeah. That's on our computer.

Right. I think she can definitely delete it. It's if it's, if it's their computer totally. I think you could say, like, I'm not comfortable owning anything with like, all this stuff on it, with all these women on it that are not me and that are with you that's

kind of bucked up in its own self. And then I would bring it up to him and I'd say, I'd give him a chance to perhaps explain himself, maybe. I think you've, I think she stumbled upon what he's into, like, you know, generally. And I think with sex with your partner, if, if this was such a surprise that videotapes of women blowing him, is like the thing that gets him going, then you have to wonder, like, how much is he opening up to you? And how much is your sex a shared experience

and how much, how serious this relationship could be? Like, I, I think, like, you know, you know, sex is always a tough subject for couples, I think, because, you know, again, with anybody in bed, you know, like, if you've been having sex for a little while and they've been together a while,

it's like, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? What do you want to do? Missionary. conversation every time. It's like two people kind of hinting at let's do something different and then they end up at the same place because it's just hard to talk about those things sometimes. And I think this is one of those things where it's like you fell into his thing. Things don't just like go away. Like things don't like you either are involved in the thing or it's his thing.

But like I don't think it gets better from here without talking about it. But let me ask you guys what you think. Do you think just say it was photos and not video? Do you think it's odd for somebody to just keep photos, nude photos of exes? Is that something that you can be upset about if you find it on somebody's computer? Let's say it's not just weird videos. Well, here's my question. Like, let's say you found old love letters from like someone in their apartment or like old emails that they kept in a folder. Is that like that much, is that different? It's an interesting question. if it was a love letter versus a nude photo. If I'm using it to jerk off versus...

I don't know. I don't know. Like emotionally masturbate or remember like and feel nostalgic about like and think back fondly on this relationship. Like I don't know. I think it could be comparable. What did she think the blowjob videos were going? Like if she, every time she sucks this guy's dick,

he whips out the iPhone, he's filming her. Where did she think they were? Did she ever have any questions? Like if my boyfriend was always filming me sucking his dick, I would have some questions. Sure. you doing with this? I don't think I'd be surprised when I found the folder.

Are you making me an anniversary gift? You know, like I A scrap and an engagement video? Like a slideshow. I, um, yeah, I, I think the fact that they were in a folder, that the ones with her in the old, you know,

Jordana and I have gotten the email before where it was like, I found old pictures in the closet of him with his significant other. And remember, we, and we talk. about that and you're like, I had the opinion where I'm like, guys are just not in generally like, I know I'm this way. And the reason I answer for a lot of guys, I'm just saying I'm at least 10% away from the guy you're seeing. So like, let's say within 10% reason, I'm not like going

through my old drawers and like what after a breakup. Like, and I'm throwing away that and I'm throwing away this and get rid of that post or that. Like I'm just like putting shit on top of shit. You know, like the next girlfriend's stuff goes on the previous girlfriend's stuff. So like, I think like especially if you're not serious with someone or you haven't been serious with someone, these things are out there. So like I, as far as like, could a new- Have you ever jerked off to a picture of an ex? Have I?

Um, I've, you know, I've, I've, I've, is that enough of an answer? Is that enough of an answer? Yeah, that works. I don't compare it to love letters. I think it's... Well, I'm saying like, yeah, I think I think most guys have. I think that's almost like the male version of like... Because I masturbate to my own, like, thoughts.

And I think about it. It doesn't mean I miss them or want to be with them. Right. I actually would probably be more comfortable if I walked in on you jerking off to your accent. If I walked on you like tiered up to like an old letter. If you're jerking off, I'd be... be like, let's watch it together, you know?

Like, I feel like love letter, I'd be like, what's going on here? Sure. Yeah. And I think most people would prefer that almost in a way. It feels less, like, more objectified and less, less like about the person. Or just like, this was a hot person that I can conjure. Yeah.

I, I, I, it's, it's one of those things where it's like if you see, like, you ask, do you have the right to be mad? You have the right to be mad about anything. Like, I think that's okay. I, I, I don't think like, no one can tell how to feel. So like, do you have the right to be mad? Yeah. Do you have the right to communicate it with a partner and come out, come out from at the other side as an okay couple or a better couple?

Of course you do. You know, like, I think presenting to your partner like, hey, I felt uncomfortable seeing these videos. I was so uncomfortable that I deleted them off the computer. Like, I like even having them on a shared computer made me so mad that like I deleted them all. And if you're upset about that, like, like, I don't think it's like throwing away your baseball collectibles. Like I don't think it's like that. But like I don't think she should feel bad for deleting them because

it's a shared computer and she is in the folder. So like I, but I understand what Jordana said in the beginning. Like you go through this fight of like you know you versus yourself. Well, I think it's also a question of like are we entitled to our own

like to what extent are we entitled to like our own sexual private like fantasies even if you're in a relationship. and like what are like to what extent can are your partner like control that or like should they be able to control that and I don't think it's like a black and white answer I think there is some levels of gray in terms of like you know like you're entitled to your own private sex life like people are entitled to masturbate yeah if I took a like who you can't control what someone masturbates too really if every time I took a 15 minute shower it is on your computer yeah well yeah I guess you can

that's what I'm saying if it's on that's why it's kind of weird that he wouldn't have it on like something private of his that he owned entirely. But yeah, I think it's a, it's sort of a bigger question. It's a tough line. If every time I took a 15 minute shower, my girlfriend was like, what were you doing in there? I'd be like, okay, can I just masturbate once in my own fucking home? Right.

You know, so like, I just hope this, yeah, I hope this guy's not going to be like, well, you have to make all those up now. Like, I. He's like, you deleted 10 blowjob videos and I'm going to need those back. You're going to have to. All of a sudden, he's the girls gone wild. producer. He's like, come on, lady. Come on, start puckering up. We got to make more videos. I need some for the collection. I hope this is an innocent email, even though it's not innocent. Like,

the fact, but I'm saying, living in that reality, I think like people have a right to have their own fantasies, but they also, there's a good, there's a way to do it with class and there's a way to do it without class. And I think like, you know, like going in the shower for 15 minutes, to me, I, that feels classy. You know, like, yeah, but like going in the bathroom, you know, for 15 minutes and having the sound on loud and hearing like, oh, ah, ah, you know, like, my girlfriend would be like, what the fuck?

I don't. And I need my computer because my homework folder's on there. Yeah, exactly. All of my teleteleby drawings are on there. Yeah, I don't know. I love that we keep... What age are they? That they have a homework folder but a shape of the computer.

They're very a grad school. I don't know. It's funny that we ask how old they are and then we reveal how old we are with all of our references for what we would have as a child. Like you said, Milky pens. Yeah. Plenty pens. Right.

Well, guys, thanks so much for answering these. Yeah, this was a pleasure. Well, this is so much fun. Yeah. We'll see you guys in 2020. Maybe we'll be able to be in person by them. We'll have half, we'll have like half of a vaccine by them. We can only pray and hope.

No, it's a pleasure to come on. And also, you're going to be on our show as well for our two-year anniversary. So, you know, that would be great. Yeah. Well, tell people where they can find you guys, your Instagram handles, your podcast, everything, because I'm sure they'll want to seek you out. You have podcasts is every Wednesday and Sunday. Wednesday is our normal episodes about an hour.

And then on Sundays, we do like a half hour, 40 minutes, you know, a little bit of a shorter, just more. directed episode of called the Sunday special. But yeah, U-Up podcast, wherever you listen to podcast, you can find us. And I'm Jared Freed at Jared Fried on Instagram. And we have also an Instagram account for the podcast at YouUp Pod. And I'm Jordana Abraham and I'm at Trudana Abraham on Instagram. And you can follow at Betches on Instagram. Also, awesome. Thank you. Thanks, guys. All right. Well, thanks for a lot. Well, hope you guys enjoyed. And you know where to find us, Girls Got Eat Podcast.com. Get those tickets.

to the virtual live show this Wednesday, if you are listening on Monday or Tuesday. Our Instagram is Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. Ash Hess, reina. dot Greenberg, Girls underscore Gotta Eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash Girls Gotta Eat. And we'll see a lot of you guys this Wednesday. Have a great week. Can't wait to see you Wednesday? Enjoy the rest of your week.

Bye.