Girls Gotta Eat - Why Do We Fake Orgasms and Why Do People Want to Be Peed On? feat. Karley Sciortino

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

Settle in for three women unpacking a wide range of body-related topics. We are joined by writer/founder of Slutever Karley Sciortino and she so graciously explains pee fetishes (we had a lot to learn) and her stint as an amateur dominatrix. Then we're chatting about dating women and why we have "phases" of different types of partners, guys not wanting to go down on you, sex parties, and lastly, why we fake orgasms (and should stop). Before Karley joins us, we're talking about Rayna's breast reduction and an accidental sext Ashley received. Hope you enjoy! Follow Karley on Instagram @KarleySlutever. Follow us @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Ashley @AshHess, and Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg. Visit our website for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Click HERE to watch the Holiday Spectacular! Thank you to our partners this week: StoryWorth: Get $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/gge. Bright Cellars: Visit brightcellars.com/gge6 to get 50% off your first 6-bottle box + a bonus bottle. 21+. Some states excluded. Buffy: For $20 off your Buffy order, visit buffy.co and enter code GGE. Calm: For a limited time, get 40% off a Calm premium subscription at calm.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I've always said, you know, there's the two types of guys. There's the guys that you're dating and don't want to go near you when you're on your period. And then there's the guys who want to like lick your butt after you just got back from spin class. And like option two is better. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotting. I'm going to leave that in.

Are you good? You always go too quick. And this time you just like you ran out on stage in front of me. We did our holiday shows. Ashley just sprinted out on different. the stage in front of me. I was like, come back.

I can't help myself. Like, we came out to a different song than we usually do, and I felt the music and ran out. Like a gazelle, she took off. I think it's also,

I did that at Town Hall. Remember my feet came off the stage? I was wearing those clear stripper heels. You're fully in the air. I think in New York, I just, like, my whole family's there.

I get too amped up. Like, I really run out too hot. I'm in like five inch heels and you just bolted. And I was like, there she goes. I got to this. I was like,

I got to get in place before the jets, the cryo jets come off. And then I was there waiting for them to go off. I like beat the jets. Like I was like quicker than the jets. That was the most nervous I was for the whole show.

Getting in place for the jets are choreographed dance. You know, I don't dance. You guys, I look ridiculous. Listen, guys, I am having an amazing day because I just had the best salad and

it was not meant for me. I got someone else's salad. and I was so pissed and I was like postmates you gotta give me I like sent a photo to get a refund turns out the salad was bomb and so shout out to Ashley Fallon

because wherever you are girl you love sweet green like I do and your salad is bomb and Ashley I literally took they basically put the wrong Ashley's salad in the bag I ate every last drop I was having a really dark day

and then that happened and your reaction was so funny I was so pissed I was gonna get a cob I had added chicken to it And Ashley Fallon shows up with this like quinoa tahini black and chicken cauliflower mix. You got to get the cauliflower. It's so good. They've been out of it a few times when I've been there. I don't know what we're talking about this.

It's amazing. It's hard for me to eat somebody else's salad. I don't like onions and peppers. I hate them. I know. I just like we've been so like overwhelmed with things. And so I was really looking forward to my salad. Like where is she going with it?

I was just saying like the fact that it went the way it did is such a blessing because I was about to be so mad. I was starving. I was starting to get hangary. And I was like, oh my fucking God. I can't believe I got the wrong salad. Salad was so good. This day has been turned around. I'm going to go to yoga. Five. You got your boob consultation. I do. We're going to talk about it. What a day. I'm having a better day because we watched our live stream, which we are releasing. And by the time this episode comes out, it will have been released. So it really improved my day. And we were going to get to that. But before that, we have a new cities to announce. Finally, we've been promising you guys. So we are announcing it today on sale will be 12.17 at 10 a.m.

So we are coming to St. Louis on April 29th, Kansas City on April 30th, Indianapolis on May 19th, Pittsburgh on May 20th. We'll see you guys, the buy-in theater. I am so excited. And then Detroit, we'll see you on May 21st. We are so excited for these cities, you guys. They are so important to us. We are so excited.

We have waited so long to fit the perfect dates. These are all weekend nights. And then Toronto, we promise you. you were waiting to confirm at night. It will probably be in May. We were working very hard on it. So these are the dates we have coming up. We are so excited to be with you guys.

You can get the tickets again starting Friday morning, the 17th at 10 a.m. It'll be on our website, our Instagram, everywhere that you can get tickets. And we can't wait to see you guys. I can't wait. I am so excited.

We have not been to Indy. We have not been to Kansas City. When we did St. Louis, all those sluts from Kansas City came. I say that with love. You remember one of security guard was trying to fuck everybody? So you just letting girls into the VIP line.

We did it two hour meet and greet. I was like, Ashley, the line keeps getting longer. They just kept lighting people into the line. But also so many of those girls came from Kansas City. So I was like, let's meet them. Like they drove here for this. Like I am so excited. We just love Kansas City and St. Louis.

Detroit, we're so excited to come back. Pittsburgh. What? We're going to get a temp check because I'm not going to black out from heat like we did last time. Tanner was running down my legs. You went. I'm gone.

I fully blacked down. I looked over. You were no longer with us. We were. The venue was so hot. I was dripping in sweat. I was drinking on stage. I got my period like on stage.

Yes, you got your period on stage. It was like our fifth show in five days. I thought I was going to die on stage. Just so I could take a rest. I was like, ha, ha, ha, ha, I'm going to fall to the ground. Let me just lay here for a minute. In the middle of the story, I was like, I can't keep up. Is this my heart?

What's happening? But Indianapolis, I mean, I went to college in Bloomington. So I'm so excited to be back in Indiana. And Pittsburgh at the Bayam Theater. I went there growing up. I spent my whole life going to shows there. So it's really special for me to be able to be there. And of course my real family will be there, my parents and everything.

And we just love these cities. We can't wait to be there. You guys grab tickets, Girls' GottiPodcast.com. Our shows are like nothing you have ever seen. They are fucking crazy wild chaos. And you guys can fuck around and find out. You can buy a live stream and watch it. Yes.

So we're done at this point that we, that this episode comes out with Chicago and New York, our holiday shows. New York was insane, crazy in every way. I'm sure Chicago was as well. We're recording this two days before the show. and like Raina mentioned, buy tickets to that live stream. You can still watch it all this week. I think the 19th is the last day.

Sunday night and midnight, it'll come down. It'll come down. So get it in before Sunday night at midnight Eastern time. And I just want to recap the show a little bit. Like, we're not going to recap it too much because we want you guys to watch it, but just a couple thank yous. We had the Brooklynettes open our show. They are one of the best dance teams in the business.

They're the dance team for the Brooklyn Nets. They're called the Brooklyn Nets. They were incredible. They just started on such a hype note. We had special guest, Jared Freed, and Dylan Palladino, and Bobby Westside. I'm always like, what's his last name? It's McMullen. But Bobby Westside was just the most incredible emcee.

He's just born to do it. He just opened the show. He got more naked by the night. Just removing pieces of clothing. You got to watch the live stream to see the final outfit. I wouldn't even call it an outfit. It was barely there. Matt Hustletown was on stage.

Zul. And, of course, all the people that came up and let us do, crowd work with them and came up on stage and it was just awesome it was the best venue we ever could have chosen rayne and i are trying to figure out what we would do next in new york because we really look at a venue that's built for comedy and that was the beacon so it was awesome with the t-shirt cannon we had the cryo jets like it was out of control it was out of control i can't believe we pulled it off and thank you guys for coming and buy the live stream yeah and if you guys you know what it's actually i want to say this better it's on demand it's on demand we produced it rob was like can you stop saying

live stream. Well, we recorded it live, like all things were recorded live, then we produce. But it is like odd. It's a VOD. The holiday shows are unlike anything that we do all year. So much work goes into them, so many performances. All of our shows are really special and important, but this one is really over the top and crazy. So if you've ever been to a show before, it is totally different. And I just want to personally thank a couple people and I sent Ashley a text obviously privately, but you work so hard on these shows and so much of it is your vision. And I feel so lucky to be your partner and so much of the over-the-top crazy creative stuff is it's all you and it comes from your brain the music the dancers you work harder on these shows than anybody I know and I couldn't ever do it

without you I feel so blessed to work with you and I just I love you and these shows really are like such they're so your baby and I'm just there to hang out and I just I appreciate everything and also thank you to Bella our assistant because she produces the shows she runs it from backstage We really could never, ever do what we do without her. The shows have really stepped up since we started working with her. And she is just wonderful. So I love you guys both so much. And anybody else that was there and participated.

Thank you guys so much. It really meant a lot to us. Well, thank you. Yeah, I have a crazy brain for this stuff. But I couldn't do without you. And of course, Bella, like, having her with us has just been so, now we're just like having like a team meeting in front of you guys. Bell is here.

Yeah, Bella's here. She's got George with her. People asked, a lot of people sit into my DMs and ask me what dog has been on my Instagram stories. It's George. It's Bella's dog. A couple people had, like, questions about whose dog it was. Azo's gay lover. Yeah, George is gay.

And he's in love with Azul, and Azul's just hanging out. He just wants to make out with Azul. He wants to lick Azul's face at all times. I'm like, it's Azul's teeth. It's like, that's what it is. George has a kink for snagled to. George has a king. George has a king for a fucked up grill.

He's just like, I got to get in there. That is so funny. Well, we are back from Chicago now. We did the show at this point on Friday night. So if you guys came to that, thank you so much. We'll recap it next week. But yeah, thanks for being a part of our family and always coming out.

Please buy tickets to all the upcoming shows. We still have, like, very few tickets left in L.A., D.C., I think, like 25 left in San Francisco. In Portland, you're doing better, but you could be doing it. They're going to sell it out. I know they will. They're probably fucking high and being lazy. They're going to get together.

fully feel it. And, you know, do people know, like, if you're new to the podcast and you're like, Ashley shit's on Portland, like, let me be clear how obsessed I am with Portland and how I wouldn't shut up about it for weeks after we left. I, like, cried on stage. I was like, I don't want to leave. Like, it was, that was one of my favorite shows. And I just can't wait to be back there. So anybody that's just like, why is she always, you know, it's with love? She's obsessed with it. I told her I was like, she's going to love it. All those bridges. Yeah. Ashley, oh my God, you guys, Ashley loves a bridge so much. She loves Minneapolis.

Ashley's an arborist. So we'll see you guys soon. We'll see you in Texas really soon too. Oh my God, I never stops. No, we're excited. So really quickly, guys, something that just happened that I thought was really funny. I'm going to read you guys this text.

And Raina read it out loud and I almost pissed myself. So we have a driver that we use sometimes and he takes us to the airport. I texted him. English is not his first language. Yeah, no. He speaks amazing. English. But, you know, sometimes there's just a word you're missing her, too. He's, he's great. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We love him. I'm,

I'm explaining why he's brodo. Right. Exactly. So I said, hi, can you pick us up at 8 a.m. on Friday and take us to LaGuardia. And he said, hi, Ashley, I can't actually, but I'll send another guy to pick you up. He is like a fleet of drivers, whatever. He goes, is that okay? I said, yep, thanks. And he usually picks us up when we come home sometimes, too. Yeah. He goes, thank you. I hope I get you on your back. Nice, married. Oh, he's incredible. That's why. It's so funny. I hope I get, he couldn't be nicer. That's why I hope I get you on your back. So I read it glossed over. Obviously he meant I hope I pick you over the way back. Radio goes, wait, did you see what Gondo just said? I hope I get you on your back. I lost it.

Also, if you guys remember, he was the one that took me somewhere in the morning. And now, I don't think I said what it was at the time. He took me to my nose job. So he took me to my nose job, 6 a.m. And that was the guy that said, Ashley, you need to get a boyfriend. I'm like, yeah, I'm trying. Why do you think of a nose job is for condo? I'm kidding. That is so funny. I forgot about that that was him. How do you know you're single? Our driver took me to my nose job and my dad picked me up. My dad picked me up. I actually prefer to be on top condo. You would write that. Yes, I would. Make it super uncomfortable. I know. I'm creep. Speaking of surgeries, after we wrap up, I'm going to go see a boob doctor. I've been waiting

for three months to get in there to have a consultation. So I'm going to show my titties, doing old Jewish man in the Upper East side. Takes me back. It really takes me back to when I first moved here. So when I lived in the Upper East, I was showing my tithes to people. But old Jewish men. But I've been talking about this on the podcast for years now. I was going to get a breast reduction right before COVID. I saw this doctor exactly two years ago.

And I was like, I'll just get it down when I get back in February. And then COVID happened. So I am still heavily considering it. And thank you guys for all your messages. You don't have to send me anymore. But everybody has sent me messages saying, this is the best decision I ever made. So you guys have helped me to feel less scared and nervous about it. and our friend Jenny Jones has helped me to feel less scared about it.

And it's just, I don't know, I've just had really huge breasts my whole life. And I feel like I'm done with this look. It's funny because you was so hard to get back in for the consultation. And weren't you just like, can you just book me a surgery? And they were like, ma'am, no. I called and I said, hi, I would like to get a breast reduction. They were like, you have to come in for an appointment. I was like, oh, I've done that before.

And they were like, when? And they looked at them. She was like, it's been two years. You're going to need to come in. And I was like, no, it's not necessary. I just want it. And she was like, do you have to come in? Like, we were going back and forth for a while.

I was just like, it's not necessary. He's like, he's seen my tits. He has. Two years ago, bitch. Nothing changed. Well, the world changed a lot. But my titties didn't change. You don't know that.

I'm mastering to different porn now. That's it. I just think it's so funny. I think it's so funny. But you were like, no, no, no. I'm just like, just hook me up. I'm ready to get in there. And they're like, it's been two years, ma'am.

So I'm going to go get my titties looked at as soon as this is over. and I'll let you guys know. If they can schedule me, I'm hoping to do it right after the D.C. Or right after the Texas show, before the D.C. Oh, new titties for D.C.

Oh, my God. New Tiddy's for California? Yeah, we'll come back for Dallas and I'll get my titties done. And then I feel like January, February, we don't like to go out anyways. So I'll just stay at home. Anyways, yeah, I'll keep you guys posted.

That's what I'm working on. Amazing. I don't really have much else going on. I've just been, we've been so busy, hoping to slow down soon. I'm not trying to complain, but I certainly am on time to date or anything. Yeah, it's my lot.

The other day was like, any dates? And I was like, you can just stop asking. I'll let you know. I've been single for less than two months and I'll let you know. Yeah.

I don't know, though. I, you know, I went out with that guy over Thanksgiving and I might see him again over Christmas. Probably. I mean, you know, we'll see. We've stayed in touch a little bit. Yeah, I'm excited to be at the Hustle Times for Christmas. Oh, yeah.

I'll hang out with them while you go on your date. I don't care. I love them. Your brother. I have my dad. I don't care. Your brother said something so sweet to me because I said to him, I texted him in the morning after our show

to see if I had to go to the Upper West Side where they were to have brunch. But I was like, you know, all jokes aside, you know, my family didn't come to the show in New York. So I said it just meant extra much for me to have you guys there and to have like an adoptive family

and he was like, you know that you're our family and I love you. And I don't think you said I love you. I made that up. I know, I was like, I took a cute part now. That's not mad. But he said, you know that you're our family.

So he was like, don't act like you're not our family. It was really nice. It meant a lot to me. So you should. see if my dad will share some that silver oak with you at Christmas because he has been hoarding it. So Rob brought two really nice bottles to Thanksgiving. Rob actually to leave. His wife got sick.

So they only came for a day. And he had brought a bunch of nice wine, which nice wine is meant to be shared for like special occasions, right? Not for Lee Hesseltine. Lee Hesseltine was, he saw that it got brought over to the farmhouse for like Thanksgiving dinner. And he snatched it up off the counter. And he went and he put it in his like work garage. Can you know he was like carried around the house hiding at different places? Like we were also like Rob brought that for the family.

It was a gift to you. Like he'll just hold on to it. I feel like till one night where he gets to drink the whole bottle to himself. I just opened it. It didn't say anything. And I just said like, oh, I thought it was for everybody. Like it's so funny. Like he sees like a $100 bottle of wine.

He's like, he just snatches it up. He's like, this will become with me. He probably hit it in his bedroom. He just like puts it on the tractor and just rides off into the sunset with his hat on. Matt was like, I saw him put it in the garage. Hello. so much. So I just want to see just, I'm sure it's still there. I'm sure

he's still holding on to it. I just want to see, be like, hey, Lee, let's break out the silver oak and just see what he does. I'm going to I want to just find it and open it. Is never when I told you your brother told me that he loved me? That never happened. That was so weird. Guys, we have a really exciting and interesting guest for you today. She is a writer,

host, and producer. She is the founder of sled ever.com. A site that explores sexuality, relationships, BDSM, and a bunch of other slutty stuff. She writes, I usually get through this better. She writes Vogue's Sex and Relationship column Breathless. She is the author of the book Slut Ever dispatches from an autonomous woman in a post-shame world and the executive producer and host of Slet Ever, a documentary series on Vicer.

Please welcome to the show, Carly Shortino. Thank you guys so much. All of that made me feel very cool, and I feel very cool being on the pod. We're so glad to have you. We are very cool, and we really enjoy. Ashley discovered you. I mean, other people discovered you too. Ashley introduced me to your content.

I appreciate that. We're so happy to have you. Yeah, of course. And then we saw you with Colette, who we had on the show not too long ago. I know who I like truly refer to as the world sweetest dominatrix. Like, when I met her, like, it was like seven years ago or something. I remember thinking like, you're not what people expect and you're not even what I expect. then I've met a lot of Dominatrix's before.

Yeah. Do you, do you do that? Are you into that? I saw pictures of you, like, in the whole, like, Dominatrix pile, like this big, like... Dominatrix pile. She was in a pile. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally. I was like, oh, weird choice of words. But yeah, I think I was sort of, like, in a pile of dominatrix kind of recently at her house. That's what I was wondering. Are you? Like, also known as, like, an orgy? Like, what is that? Like, a pile of people? Yeah, a pile of people. A pile of people. Got it. Oh, that was like, that was a different pile of people.

It was like she had... We'd be more specific about the piles. Yeah. She had... She does this course, which I'm sure you talked about, called Mistress Class, where she sort of is training women to be doms or to, you know, come into their power into some capacity. And she had this tea party full of dominatrixes that I was invited to, even though I'm not a

dominatrix. But I was very briefly and... But I was like the world's worst dominatrix. because I'm like not good at it. But I mean, I can tell you how it started if you want. Yeah, let's talk. I mean, your content is so spicy and sexy and you just talk about like sex and group sex and orgasms and coming and all this stuff. And so yeah, want to hear all about you and how you got into this in your background.

Well, it sort of connects because I was writing this blog slut ever and it kind of started as a little bit of a joke. I mean, it was 2007. So blogs or bloggers were barely a thing. And I started it kind of to teach myself to learn how to write. And I was interested in sexuality primarily just because I grew up Catholic and my parents told me not to have sex until I was married. So I was like, I guess that sex must be like the most interesting thing in the world. You know what I mean?

Because I'm not allowed to have it. So I was interviewing this dominatrix. It was like one of the sort of first bigger articles I did as a journalist for Vice, probably in like 2010. So I shadowed her for a few days. And this was like pre-50. shades. So like before like everybody had like seen a virtual tour of a dungeon and like you know, like had a whip in their bag or whatever. Totally. It was a more vanilla time. Exactly. There was a more

mystery around this world. So I actually was fascinated to just learn all this stuff at the first time. And basically after being in her dungeon with her for a couple of days just watching, she was like, oh, you seem interested in this uncomfortable. Like could I pay you to just sit and watch sessions sometimes because people will pay more if there's somebody watching because it like ups the humiliation factor. Totally. Oh, okay. And I was like, do that.

I know. She paid me 50 bucks an hour, which I was 24. That was more than I'd ever made like times 10. Uh-huh. I would hang out for 50 bucks an hour. I hang out for free all the time. Exactly. So.

Raina's like, I'll pay you. And if you have a lot of free time, it was perfect. I just, like, did it, you know, for only, like, a few hours a week, probably to start. And then she basically started passing me off clients that she was like, I don't want to deal with that person. Like, it would be just like, this person's annoying. Or they just want me to pee on them and that's it and then go home and I can't be bothered. So she'd be like, do you want like my trash, basically?

And I was like, yeah, like, thank you so much. You're like, I can't try to pee on people. Yeah. Because I just truly, yeah, it didn't have any money. It was a classic 24-year-old. living in Bushwick in like one of those apartments where you have to leave and go down the hallway to use a shared bathroom. So I was like, I'm rich now. Okay. So world's worst dominatrix. If you just, what tried a couple times and we're like,

it's not for me. I just am not very naturally dominant. So I think that people could tell. Like, the thing that I was good at was peeing on people because like that's not very hard. You know what I mean? I mean, actually it is hard for some people because I saw other girls like fully not be able to go in the moment. And then I realized. Stage fright. Yeah. Like stage fright.

And I was like, oh, I guess like this is a skill that I have. Like, and I should be very proud of that. Okay. Let's just talk about peeing on people because I don't think we've talked about on this podcast yet. I mean, we talk about it, but not like the actual logistics. And I have never peed on anybody. I mean, maybe when I was like drunk and I was like, I was in college.

But that was just pee in the bed. No, I'm just kidding. But like what? Do you talk beforehand? Like how much discussion is happening? What are like the sex talk around peeing on somebody? I was wanting to know more like physically the logistics. Like do you squat over them?

Yeah, let's talk about all of it. Look, yeah. Okay, so I have a good, this guy was amazing. So this was the first guy that the Domitrix was like, all he wants to do is show up for 20 minutes. Like I can't like travel to Midtown to this like dungeon setting just for this. And it's not enough money for me. But for me, it was like $150.

And I was like, this is more money than I could ever imagine making, you know. in less than an hour. So it's like surprisingly, as for context, it is a surprisingly big ask. Like I think that there's something, obviously there's such a power dynamic and there's something, you know, quote unquote degrading like in for people.

And also just the idea of like getting at what is inside somebody else, I think is, you know, like a big desire. And, you know, there's a level of intimacy and all that. So so many people ask for that, which is something that I was surprised at when, you know, I was following her around. But then, so this guy, what he would do is all he wanted was P. So he lived in Connecticut.

He was a firefighter. He would drive down to the city. It was far. You know, and he would, he was so sweet, very shy. He would come in with this giant tarp. And he would lay the tarp down. You can rent out these rooms in dungeons. Like midtown, weirdly is where they all are.

And like there's like one looks like a nursery. And like one looks like a doctor's office. And one is kind of plain, like stuff like that. They're themed. Okay. They're themed. And like exactly what you, you know, like one is like full of red velvet. Like it's sort of.

Okay. But it's like BYOT. You just bring your own tarp. Yes. It's very bring your own tarp. And so he would lay down this tarp and it was all very serious. And then he wore a toupee and he would take it off so that he didn't get pee on it. And then it was basically that was the whole thing.

I just like stand over him and. Okay. How is he position? He like lays on his back on the tarp. Lays on his back. Okay. It gets into his underpants. Okay.

Lays on his back on the tarp and just want, you know, like the goal being to like pee in his mouth. It's kind of like the first time you do it, it is gross. Like it's like I, you have to, like when I watched her do it, I had to leave the room a couple times because I would get nauseous. And it like, I mean, I think maybe this is too gross. But it is, it's like smells gross. And she was like, oh, yeah, like you're just going to have to, this happens to everybody. You have to like desensitize. It's disgusting at the beginning.

So why I asked you about like what, like, I mean, everybody's kink is, I'm sure unique to them. But like, do people, I mean, if somebody's like, I want to get into this, like, are you talking to somebody while you're doing this? He comes in anyways, the tarp down. Are you like, you fucking like this? Tell me you like it. Or this is like a closed mouth situation. Like what's? It depends on the person.

It depends on the person, but he was more kind of sweet. It would just be like he was saying, thank you a lot. And like, you try your best to draw it out as much as you can, like, which is harder than you'd think, you know, you like, people are. second and stop. No, like, I can you know. Yeah. Like, right. Right.

That's such a funny question. Like, do people want the dirty talk surrounding it? Are they like, you got to tell him like, I got to go so bad. I've been holding it in all day. Yeah. I want to know. Dirty talk. Is that like, and Ashley's like, are they sitting or standing?

That's all I care about. I know. Also, I mean, Carly, it sounds like he was a really nice guy. Like, not everybody, that might not be everybody's story. You know, everybody is a different personality. Like, did you pee on other people? Or? For sure. He was like super, super thankful. And truly if I missed any, if any missed his mouth and got on the tarp, the end of every session would be like you'd get on his stomach and go around the tarp and like Hoover and he drops up with his mouth.

Your guys face right now, you're both of your eyes. I'm just, I don't want to like, I don't want to king shame. But yeah, it's more of a surprise. I'm just learning about this for the first time. So the goal is for it to, he wants to, most of it to go in his mouth. I was picturing. He wants to be like covered in it. No, it's like all, he wants to drink all of it. He wants to be waterboarded. Yeah, like they just, he doesn't want to waste a single drop. I was like so flattered. And yeah, I'm not King's team either. It just is like very, it's interesting.

It's specific. Yeah. Well, so is this. Okay. This is the whole episode. It's about this. I'm kidding. But is that everybody's, what everybody wants?

I am so ignorant about this. Like, or do some people just want to be like covered in it? Some people just want to be covered in it. like in the shower, you know what I mean? Yeah, right. But it's really different. Like this guy, for example, one time I offered it, I was like, oh, would you ever want me to just like pee in a bottle and bring it to you and you can

take it home? And he was like, oh my God, no, that's disgusting. So it's about the visual of you being in heels standing above him, peeing on his face. Like, that's what he wants. Yeah. Like, right? Okay. Yeah.

And it has to be fresh, quote unquote. He was like, I don't want cold to pee. That's disgusting. Got it. Okay. It's temperature specific, the fantasy. And then are you? But, okay, so we didn't answer this. Are you talking to him the whole time you're doing this?

Like, get down there. You deserve this. Like, how would I do this if this is like what somebody wants? I think it's really specific. Like, some people would want that, like the degrading aspect. He just wanted to be, like, almost like you could laugh or like it was kind of playful. Like he didn't, he wasn't into being, you know, degraded or I think it was more like I was doing something generous, like giving him a present, you know? So he was like so thankful. He was thankful. Other people would, you know, just want to, yeah, be like, you deserve that. Oh, like, ew, again, gross, but like, not gross. It gross for me, but wonderful for other people. People want to be told that they're like a toilet.

That's a big one. Okay. Toilet talk. So, like, what, what? Give me, like, a toilet talk line. Like, what would you always do with your toilet dirty talk? Like, you're, I don't, I don't say this, but one might say, like, you're my, like, toilet, like open your mouth, be like my good little toilet.

Like you're a human toilet. Like, yeah, basically just saying like the way you would exact, yeah. Okay, I have a question for you. You don't answer if it's too personal. What if I never get the chance to say? Open your mouth. You're my little toilet. Just do it. You can find somebody. Right now. You live in New York City. Like you can find a guy that wants you to pee on it. On this. It's like a roll of the building, honestly. Right. Yeah, probably, yeah, right. Next door. Rob's upstairs. Do you, again, you, again, you

you don't have to answer it. Do you stand up straight or do you squat down? I would stand up straight, but then one time I did this, it was so funny because, yeah, I stand up straight. And then one time I did it with this other girl, we were together and we were in a shower and I was standing over and peeing on him. And then she had to go and she couldn't do it. And she was like, I'm too nervous. And what she had to do is she had to like sit on the edge. So if you imagine like, you know, like a shower and then there's like you step over to get into it. Like there was like the bath. Yeah, the tub. She had to sit on the edge of the tub and like face away and pee like that because like it was like she had to mimic what it would be like to actually when you go pee. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. There's like options.

Well, because some people aren't used to standing up and I stand up and pee all the time because I pee in the shower. So I'm used to standing and peeing in the shower. But some people don't stand and pee. They say they don't. But I don't believe them. But I guess there's a world in which. people have always sat to pee and I just can't relate. So I think I don't think I would, I think I could just go. I also just don't have like poop anxiety. Like I'll go to the bathroom wherever, whenever. Me too. Anywhere. I'm not saying I'm trying to do this, but I don't think that I would have the anxiety surrounding it.

I think I'd be like, I got to go. I would just be like, am I being sexy enough while I'm peeing? Like, it's just pee sexy. Am I turning you on? This guy, I thought the whole thing was funny. He would make these little comics. I saved them. I will never get rid of them because they're so sweet.

They're like line drawings. You know, what's a flip book? So it's like a bunch of, and he would do this flip book of line drawings. And it would be like me, like walking in to a dungeon, like, just like a stick figure with like blonde hair and boobs basically. And just like then like it would be him on the ground and there would be like all this like pea shooting out. And then it would be like, thank you.

Yeah. And then that would be it. And every time it would come with this like flip book. What is? Who is this fireman artist? The pee fetish. Yeah. That'd be nice.

Or brings his own tar. Frances on tarp. We'll travel for sex. Fan art afterwards. What is this personality type? I can't wrap my head around it. I have one final question about like P kinks. What did people typically request that you be wearing? Actually, I have another, are they jerking off all this happens? But first question, are you naked while this is happening?

Or are you like lingerie or everybody's different? Like what do you normally wear? Yeah, usually I would wear like a sexy, outfit. Dominatrixes are pretty rarely naked. Like sometimes they are. It depends. And it also is catered to client. Like I think, you know, some people have the attitude where it's just like, this is what I offer and I wear this and take it or leave it. And, you know, this is my thing and I love it. But then a lot of people will be like when talking to a client beforehand, like, what do you like? You know, like, what are you looking for? And it's not like, oh, I'll do anything you want. Obviously,

like, I have my own boundaries. But someone might be like, oh, I'm. really into latex. And then you're like, oh, okay, cool. Like, I have some latex and I love wearing that. Like, it would be fun for me to wear that with you. Or, and then some people are like, the whole fetish is like, I want you to wear your normal clothes. Like, what would you wear on an average day? So I get like the real version of you, that kind of thing. Okay. That makes sense. That's cool. And they're not jerking off usually. Some of them, I think are. That's so funny. I'm just picturing like you just wear like jeans in a sweater. You just come in. You just strip down like you're in at the gap. And you just need to figure your clothes off.

I think get to it. So people that want to explore this at home, I feel like they're not, I feel like maybe, let's just say there's a guy, for example, that he's like, I just want to be peed on. I don't really know why, but I want it to happen. It just doesn't feel like he's going to set down a tarp and it's going to be hovering over him and peeing in his mouth. It feels like the people that are doing this at home that are couples or people that are hooking up are probably just go and shower. Or am I wrong? Or do you not know? That seems right to me, right? Like the anecdotally people I've talked to, it's like, yeah, in shower, not drinking it. I think that that's pretty extreme. Yes, because I didn't know that until 10 minutes

ago. Yeah. I don't. I don't, I'm not like anti. I've never done that. I don't know if you guys have done it. Well, you said you never peed on anybody, but I don't know if you've had like the reverse way. But I just don't have an interest, but I do understand that feeling of like, you know, when you're like really infatuated with someone or something, you're almost like, I want to crawl inside your body, you know? Like whatever, give me whatever. I'm obsessed with you and everything inside of you. Yeah, sweat is like hot. So it's not a giant mental leap to get to pee,

but I just never personally been interested. Yeah. I mean, I like a lot of degrading stuff. Like, I like to be called like a whore and a slent bed and like spit on like that kind of stuff. I don't know that it's a crazy leap. I mean, my aversion to urine is the smell and it's coming out of your body. Right. I feel like the smell is a whole thing.

Like, what have you had asparagus? Like, I don't want it. You know? I just, if I was really in love with somebody, we were super comfortable with each other. And he was like, hey, can we just try this? I'd be like, okay. Like, I would just do it and we'd laugh about it. Like in the shower.

Yeah, the shower. Yeah, the penis at you and pee at you. It's so much easy. Like, he'd be like hosing me down. This is what I mean? Like, it's also just seems so much easier for guys to do it. Right. They have the aim.

Outside of the shower is, like, that's extreme to me. Yeah. I want to go back to what you were saying earlier. You're so right when you're so infatuated. somebody, like, you just want every part of their body. Like, nothing grosses you out about them. I know. What is that?

I dated the guy. We were just, like, so obsessed with each other. And I would just come over after I'd, like, gone to, like, a spin class. And we would still have sex. And I was like, this is so gross. And then I slowly started to realize, like, it's not gross. Like, he wants it. It's fine.

It's not my problem, you know? It's so hot. I've always said, you know, there's a two types of guys. There's the guys that you're dating and don't want to go near you when you're on your period. And then there's the guys who want to, like, lick your butt. after you just got back from spin class. And like option two is better.

I 100% agree. Like I just feel like I'm not trying to be with somebody that's going to shame me for anything. Bodies are bodies. Body smell. I get my period. We're going to not fuck for seven days out of the month. Like I just want to be with somebody that's like,

yeah, absolutely. Let's do some gross stuff, you know? Within reason. I'd like you be a clean person in general. But like, I don't know. Bodies are gross and they smell. Like whatever. I still want to like feel like you think I'm sexy.

Yeah. I'm not someone who's grossed out by. bodies, but some people are, again, like personal hygiene is important. That's what I mean. Hygiene is important to me. Yeah. If you smell from sweating, I don't care. Yeah. Like, I wouldn't want to be with somebody who I felt like, that would make me feel insecure, you know? Yeah, 100%. Like, we get listener questions and just, I mean, a couple weeks ago in the bar, this girl approached me with this question of like guys that won't go down on you. And it's just like, I personally haven't ever really had a problem with it. I don't know. Maybe it's like something that I can

pick up on or I'm putting out there, guys just kind of go down to me right away and quickly. And I've never been like, you won't go down to me. You know, so I just feel like that's the shitty feeling that they don't want to go down there for whatever reason. Like, it makes you just feel insecure about your body. For sure. I had a boyfriend in my mid-20s who didn't want to do it. And one time he literally said, like, I don't like the way it tastes.

And then I got a complex. Of course. Yes, of course. Of course you did. Did he say, like, I don't want to like drag up a terrible memory. But he said, in general, I don't like doing it. Right? Like in general, he just didn't like the way to taste. Because I guess there are some people, but I had an ex like that was just like,

I don't care about oral sex and I don't care if you do it to me either. Like he was just like, I mean, he sucked. He was so boring. But he was just out on it. He was like, I just don't like doing it. It's not fun for me. I don't enjoy it. And so like, yeah, maybe some guys just like don't like the taste of pussy and like you can't change it,

I guess. I mean, I was like 24, 25. I was way less good at communication more insecure. So I just was like, oh my God, this is 100% about me. I have a problem. Yeah. And then it, but then it was Red Flag City. Like, this was not the first thing about this person that revealed to me that I probably

shouldn't have been dating them, you know? So I think there's a possibility where, I mean, who knows? I'm generalizing, but that it's also about the guy that you're dating. I think people are completely allowed to set boundaries and if they feel uncomfortable doing something sexually that they shouldn't do it, right? But for it to be about like, ew, no, I don't want to do that. Or I refuse to do this thing that you want in a way that, makes it about you versus me, that that's a sign of something larger, right?

Sort of selfishness or I don't know. Right. Yeah, I know. It's like, tough to discuss because you're like, you got to eat my pussy. It's like we can't really tell people what they have to do out of the bedroom. But yeah, it's just for those reasons, it usually is something like that. Like, well, I don't like going down there. I don't like the smell.

I don't like the taste. It's like, well, good luck getting a girlfriend. Well, Ashley knows what this guy. It was just, it was a product of a large, it was a symptom of a larger problem, which is just that he was boring and not exciting. anyway and he didn't like to do anything that was fun. So maybe we just shouldn't date people like that. Well, let's, so I would love to hear a little bit more about you personally. Are you, what's your relationship status? I am in a relationship. I've been talking about P for like 40 minutes, which is

actually not like a major part of my life for the past decade. Sorry. So, I mean, I immediately was like talking about P. So, but yeah, I'm in. We made you do it. We, we like, I have thrown 200 episodes. Like, we've never really talked about it. So we just kind of latched on when you said you've done it. And so we apologize for making you talk about Pete. No, I consensually talked about P. I'm honestly flattered that I could bring something new to the conversation because you guys have, you know, like gone so deep.

But thank you. Yeah, I'm in a relationship now and I live in Los Angeles now with my partner and I have a dog and I live in the suburbs. And truly sometimes I like get triggered by myself where I'm like, oh, interesting. I didn't think that this was where this is going. Life. I feel like obviously COVID changed a lot of stuff. You recently moved there, right?

Yeah, so my boyfriend lived here when we met, and I lived in New York, and so we did a kind of back and forth, you know what I mean? It's sort of like the cheesy I'm bicostal, but I actually was for a long time because I had an apartment and he had an apartment, so I had two apartments, you know, it's perfect.

And I would go back and forth for work and my parents live outside the city in New York, so I was there all the time. But then like when the pandemic happened, I was like, I can't rationalize paying rent on an apartment in New York when I don't know when I'll be able to go back there. And I also am making less money than ever. I don't have my P money anymore. It's 2020.

I can't leave the house. So I gave up my New York apartment. And it's so depressing. And you can't pay in a jar and send it because they don't want it. It's not fresh. It's disgusting. It's cold. It's gross.

But yeah, I miss New York so much. Okay. So you are in a, you're in a relationship now with a man. You're in a straight relationship. But you have dated men, women. You're fluid. So I have dated predominantly men for my whole life. I had one relationship with a woman for three years,

which was actually surprising to me. Like I wasn't predicting that. And she now identifies as non-binary. So I think, like, I don't even know if you like backdate. You're like, was I in a lesbian relationships or was I just like in a queer relationship? I would have to ask them. But yeah, that was kind of surprising to me.

And I think that what I've realized is that it's more like I'm attracted to masculinity. rather than men. Does that make sense? Yeah, rather than a specific body part. Yeah, and so often it's like very, it's like when I'm attracted to women, it's like sort of like tomboyes basically or people with like a kind of like masculine

or like top vibe. And sometimes I'm even attracted to, I found myself that I can be attracted to feminine women, but they're often like a dom or something where they have like quote unquote, like maybe it's reduction to say like male energy. Does that make sense? A hundred percent. I mean, I have not been with women, but I, if that's kind of my energy, too,

is like if I find a woman really attractive, if I feel like I meet a woman and I'm attracted to her, it's like a very athletic person. It's like a dominant person. It is like masculinity. Big Dick energy. Yeah, it's big dick energy. That's so perfect. That's the way to put it. Yeah. Ashley and I were both recently attracted to the same woman. And athlete. Yeah, she's tall because I'm like so, I'm so, I'm so tall. I'm the same. Like, they kind of have to be taller. It has to be, like, I couldn't date, like, a tiny little femme woman. Like, it doesn't even register. That person doesn't register a sexually attractive to me at all. I could think that person is, like, very beautiful, you know? But yeah. It's interesting how your taste change, truly. Like, I find myself attracted to less women now,

but then when I find, like, the other day, I was at a party and I saw that it's this lesbian, I thought it was hot. And I was like, oh, it's like kind of like a nice surprise because you remember that it's a possibility. But that sounds bad where you're like, I was a lesbian for a second. That was my lesbian phase. And now I live in the suburbs and I'm straight now. You know what I mean? I think it's sort of like, I don't know what you call it a phase.

You know, like I think that you can have different times in your life. You attract different things. One of my closest friends was with men our whole life. She dated a woman for five or six years. She's married to a man now. She wouldn't call that a phase. Because I think that's really writing off something that you felt and you were attracted to and you wanted to do.

The phase thing is weird. because I feel like phases can also, you want to be careful, like, you're not fetishizing somebody. It's not about that or like a type of person. Like, Raina is just in this phase, I guess, where she just finds a very specific type of man attractive. It started with this one guy that's like, was like bald with a beard and tattoos.

And like every guy since has looked like a replica of that guy. Like, it's kind of crazy. I got her this stripper for Christmas. And like I had it. I just like picked him. I was like he's her type. So she is a type right now, very specific. you know, and so we could look back on it in five years and be like,

oh, I remember when Raina went through that, like, phase. I don't know. I think we just, we ebb and flow. It's not about like, I like this, I like women now. I like people from this race. Like, it's more just like, I'm just feeling this type of way at the moment. This is what's turning me on or something. I don't know.

This is my vibe this week. Yeah, I think you go through phases of like types of guys you're attracted to, but I don't want to reduce being attracted to women and dating women to it like a phase. You know, I think you should just do what you feel like to do. Oh, of course. Of course. For sure. And I don't.

I don't reduce it to a phases, but I realize that I am the stereotype. You know what I mean? Where I'm like that person where people are like, oh, you had the phase and then you went back to men, which I think is, you know, like the lesbian friends I know are like red flag, bisexual women always get straight. And you're like, that's not true. And then you're like, damn it, I guess I fulfilled that. Universal anxiety. But I mean, yeah. I think that sexuality is a spectrum.

We talk about it a lot here. I could see myself having sex with women and not wanting to ultimately end up with a woman because I am 51% more attracted to men or something like that. You could be a little more attracted to one thing and that's what you quote unquote end up with. Also life is long. We don't know what we're going to end up with. Yeah, for sure. I would definitely have sex with a woman again if it made sense with me in my life for a relationship. It's definitely not I've moved on. But my tastes have definitely changed over time just generally. I remember when I was younger. I was so into like tall, frail men that looked like they were about to die. Like I, I have a guy for you. If you ever break up with your partner now, I'll set him your way.

Ashley and I dated these skinny best friends. That's hot. That's hot to me. Ashley had to ask him when the last time he had dinner was. Or like, I was like, when did you eat last? Like it was just, they just did. They never ate. And Ray and I, our podcast is called girls got to eat.

Like, all we do is eat. And also we feel free to make fun of them because this guy like shamed me for eating on the rag. They were like, oh, you guys were eating so much. We're like, what? No, it was like physically painful. Like just the hip bones. There was a lot.

Dude, yeah. I would get these bruises. When we first started dating, I was like, what are all these little circular bruises on my body? And then I was like, oh my God, that is from his hip bones. I took me a minute to register it. I was like, am I just drunk and be walking into shit? These guys can fuck though. It's a problem. They loved eating pussy. They loved eating pussy because they're hungry.

Okay. So you're, you used to like guys like this and now it's just changed. It's evolved. Yeah. It's interesting. Like, and I feel like I used to, I joked for a while. Like before my boyfriend, truly, there was like one person that I dated ever. They weighed more than me. Like I remember talking to my friend about it and I was like, I like guys who are thinner because then they can lay on you and you don't feel like they're crushing you, you know? My friend was like, yeah, I like guys who are bigger because then you can lay on them and you don't feel like you're crushing them. And I was like, wait, light bulb. I never thought about that. That's crazy. Guys don't lay on top of you.

You're like, that's my vibe. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That's so funny. Okay. Let's talk about some like sex parties, group sex. Like I think that this is something that people really want to get into more. I mean, whatever, it's not like a new thing.

But just more and more. People are becoming more sexually open and fluid. and exhibitionist, whatever it may be. So we'd love to hear what you have to say about it. Yeah, I've been to a handful of sex parties. And it's interesting because it's not necessarily my thing. Like, I'm not really an exhibitionist. It's not, I'm not like walk in and I'm so turned on by it.

But there is something that I find really exciting about it in that it's just like this sexual environment where it creates the opportunity for sort of of like intimacy and connections with people, even just conversationally, that you wouldn't have at a bar. Like the sex parties I've gone to, when I first went, you know, I was like in my late 20s and I was like, oh, I'm a sex writer. Like I should have gone to one of these like for like whatever hashtag research. I got to go.

And I remember like going with a friend and her husband in the open relationship and this other guy and like, you know, sort of hooking up with them there and just kind of feeling insecure and just being like, this is what you do at a sex party. and then realizing, like, actually you don't have to do that because it's very normal to just go and watch. And then kind of realizing after the fact, like, that what's fun for me is like going, getting to dress up in like crazy lingerie because that's what people do. So you kind of feel hot. And then just like if you're having a conversation with some guy that you don't know at a bar, it's so different than going up and having a conversation with some guy you don't know in full lingerie where he's like shirtless. and then you're like talking in rather than it being like, oh, I'm going to look at the menu.

It could be like, oh my God, that guy over there is like, has somebody like bent over a couch. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like the things you talk about, the way you connect, the sort of eye contact you have, it's just so different because you're surrounded by all of this insane sexual energy and these visuals. It's just that's fun for me. I love this idea of being totally immersed in like the sexual situation.

I mean, like, I like to watch porn before I go to sleep. I'm like, be in the porn. It would be, like, so great. I just love that. Like, the conversations are different. Like, I was on a date recently and I just felt like it started to get a little boring. And we were in this crowded bar. And I was like, I bet I can tell you just by looking at everybody in this room what they're into in the bedroom.

And it just turned in like, I made the conversation. I was like, she can suck a dick. Her friends are not really into it. But, you know, I just started like going through everybody in the room. And because I wanted our conversation to get spicier. Like, in general, like, I wanted us to start talking about sex and not necessarily. like dirty talking to each other at the bar like I want to fuck you. So I kind of use the room as like to get the ball rolling in terms of talking about

sexier topics, which I took it about myself to do it in a regular old bar. So I love that you're in a sex club and your conversations with somebody are about sex, observational about sex. Let's talk about sex. Like probably just really exciting. It really is. And it's just funny because the whole thing is sort of ridiculous because everybody uses the eyes wide shut reference as just like,

this is what the aesthetic of a sex party is. And then it's just endlessly replicated. And it's like, why is that the vibe? Like, why did we choose women in horns? You know what I mean? And like cloaks. And it's just almost like mythical theme. Medieval, mythical.

Yeah, which is so bizarre. Like, I was at a sex party not that long ago. And my friend and it was like at this mansion in Bel Air. And there's all these like women in cloaks with linger. and they had like mirrors on their faces so you can see yourself in there. And they were like pouring milk on each other as like some performance. And it just was like a bunch of fucking tech dudes. And I remember my friend was like, this is like what QAnon people like think is happening.

Like it's actually happening. Like this is like the stereotype or something. Yeah. It's like this is the real thing. I have a question about that party. Because it sounds like the women had like really dope costume gone. What are the men wearing? They wear it.

It suits. It's actually the person who brought me to the party was Mistress Collette, who you've had on the show recently. And it is like very gendered. That's the other thing where it's like women have to wear, I mean, have to. They say you have to wear, be in, you know, underwear, lingerie. This girl I know got away with a sexy dress and they're not going to be like take your clothes off. But it's like very encouraged lingerie. And men, there's like a real dress code where it's.

suit tie. That's a very gent... Imagine it visually. It's funny. So if they're, if the, yeah, I am. I mean, if the men are in suit and tie, like, are they taking pieces off throughout the night? Like, I mean, if you're wearing a suit, you just get your dick out and that's it. No. Right. Because if you, if it's funny to think that you would be wearing a suit, you'd go fuck somebody and put the suit back on and what go mingle. Like, it's a lot of like, like, it feels like everybody should be near naked. It just feels like, just feels like, Jake is up. Why are we wearing clothes? But I feel like guys, like, I don't think I saw any guy just like wandering around,

not having sex with anyone with their dick fully out. I feel like they like put clothes, some clothes back on. I'm like laughing, thinking about a guy just in his like boxer briefs in his suit jacket, just like walking around. He's like, didn't fully get dressed back. He's like, I'm just going to throw on the jacket. You're like Donald Ducking around. He just looks like a stripper.

It's surprisingly like a party. You know what I mean? I mean, like, it's not every, there's, I've been to sex parties that were like shit that most people didn't have sex and it was, you know, I think it was, I mean, they're not shit. Okay, so basically what I mean by that is there are sex parties that are organized by people within the sex party or swinger or whatever sex positive communities where people go and it is like, it's a community in the way that like when you go see a band you love and you live in Williamsburg and you do that a lot, you often see the same kind of people there.

You're running into people. So it's like, it is its own community. And then I went to the sex party once where it was obviously kind of like glomming on to a trend. And they like were advertising in the New York Post and stuff like crazy masked sex parties. So it was all the and they charged like a ton of money, which is always a red flag. So it's like all these people, rich people are like paying a grand to go to the sex party because they're like, we want to go to this exclusive sex party. And then it's only it's 95%. those people who are just like rich people who want to see what a sex party's like, but none of them would actually have sex. So it's just like, then there's like three people having sex in the corner. But there's like all these long running sex parties in New York. And they like fat people and it's like a safe space, quote unquote. And it's really not weird to go and not have sex with anybody.

And nobody would think it was weird if you were like, oh, I'm just here to watch. Okay. Yeah. Great. I love that. Yeah. Okay.

Well, let's, we can wrap it up with a little orgasm stuff. I know you've touched on this. in your work, women that fake orgasms struggle to have them. Yeah, I wrote this article for Vogue not that long ago called Why Do We Fake Orgasms? And I just thought it was so interesting to explore that because, I mean, I can't remember the stats, but they're in the article, but like basically more women than not report having faked an orgasm at least once in their life.

And I was somebody who was a chronic faker throughout my teens and into my 20s. And I found it like so easy to come by myself and then so difficult to come with partner. You know what I mean? Like coming during pancreature of sex was like an abstract concept to me. Like when people told me they do it, I'd be like, they're lying. Yeah. So part of what I have learned growing up, I shame nobody for doing it because I completely understand the impulse.

And I think it's like a multifaceted useful tool sometimes where it's like, I want this to be over or I want my partner to feel like they did a good job and I'm scared that they're going to feel bad if I, you know, just like don't come or whatever it is. Again, like these are all things where we're not giving our partner credit to be able to deal with the reality, which is like, I find it difficult to come in bed or, you know, I'm tired and I don't go to sleep. So it was just like this easy way out for me. And also, I realized that I found it so difficult to untangle for myself. And I think that this is potentially a wider thing for women than it is for men, but I don't know.

I find it difficult to untangle, like, my own sexual pleasure from the pleasure I got from knowing the guy had fun. You know what I mean? So it was like, am I having fun? It's almost like my fun comes from knowing that he's having fun. Right. You're like, that he could look back and be like, that was a great time. She's great.

Exactly. Him thinking you're a good sexual partner. Yeah, exactly. Like him being like, oh my God, that was like so fun. and she's good in bed or whatever it is, or she's so fun to fuck. And of course, it's good to want your partner to have a good time, you know, and to be caring of their pleasure, but also be aware of and care about your own pleasure independent of that, you know?

Yeah, I think it's really interesting because I think those are two really different things that are constantly in everyone's mind during sex is, are they enjoying it and how can I enjoy it? That's why I like sleeping people I have long-term relationships with because you can sort of like relax those, because you know they're enjoying it and you know that they're going to make you enjoy it. But it's interesting, I've never heard it broken down like that, that you're like in your head so much about both things. Because you want to be good in bed.

Because how would you describe somebody as great in bed? You would say, well, they were, they cared about my pleasure. They made me come, like stuff like that. So how did you reconcile that? Yeah, it was like, truly, it was when I started dating that woman. I remember, I'm not even joking. Like, one of the first times we had sex, I faked an orgasm. And she was like, are you serious?

She was like, loll. Yeah, you're not going to get away with that with me. And I was like, oh my God, that's insane. Because like, I do think that women are better. Women know. You're like game recognized game. Yes, literally. And I was like, shit. So I guess I'm going to have to work this out. But there was also something where I was so, and I partly because of that guy I was talking about earlier that said that he didn't like going down on me. But I think that I was, when a guy was going down to me, I like couldn't believe that he actually wanted to be there or something. You know, I was. I was like, oh my God, he's doing this. He has to. And I have to, like, speed it up and pretend to come now so that we can get so that I can, I felt so much more comfortable giving because it felt like, yeah, that's what being good in bed is or whatever. Or that, you know, I have to sacrifice my own needs for the needs of a man, which it's funny to say, I feel like I'm reducing it to like, fuck the patriarchy, but that's not what I mean. I mean, like, I think it's really ingrained in us to an extent to be pleasing rather than be pleased, whether or not we

realize that that's being programmed into our head from a young age. And you have to sort of realize, first of all, give guys the benefit of the doubt that they really want to please you as well. You know what I mean? Like that they might be having the same experience. And if they knew that you would faked it, they would be like, what is wrong with you? Please give me the credit to be able to, one, find it completely fine and understand that you might not be able to come today. But number two, try and do something that actually feels good for you. Try out different things. Because if you fake it once when someone's doing something that feels bad, he's going to keep

doing that thing because he's like, that's the thing that worked. A hundred percent. You're just fucking yourself. Like you're screwing over yourself. I always joke that like I would never fake an orgasm because I don't want somebody to think they did a good job if they didn't. But like, all jokes aside, like I don't. I don't want somebody to think I enjoyed something that I didn't enjoy.

I don't want you to touch my butt hole when I'm going to come. I've talked about this on the show before. I'm taking out of the moment. Don't fucking do it. I'm not going to pretend like I came while it was happening. You know, I get a lot of pleasure out of pleasure somebody else. Like, I will masturbate to, like, thoughts of giving a blowjob. I like that.

That turns me out. I can come while I'm giving somebody a blowjob. It's crazy. Really? But you have to be touching yourself or no? Yeah, I can touch myself while I do it. I really enjoy that. But I just think it's really important to, like, communicate what we like and what we enjoy.

And, like, so much of my pleasure really actually does come from watching somebody else have pleasure. And you should trust it. Other people feel like that, too. Like, nothing turns a man on more than, like, watching you come. That's amazing. thing. Like, my ex-you-say he could, like, feel me coming because, like, my, like, I could never fake it with him because he was like, I feel it on my dick. Um, but like,

it's such a turn on to, like, turn somebody else on. So, like, why not give somebody that pleasure? For sure. For sure. You're totally right. They want to be good in bed too. Like, guys want to be good in bed too. Like, we are over here thinking, like, well, I just want to be somebody that's, like, good in bed. So do they. Like, that's, I think most guys, like, we, we get caught up in this, like, guys just want to get off and that's it. Like, it's really not. Most guys these days. They want to be like I can pleasure a woman that they like take pride at it. For sure.

I didn't give guys credit for that and also you know, you're in your mid-20s and you're having sex that's sort of drunk and disconnected. I'm not saying that that's everybody, but that was me often. You know what I mean? It was like there was like bad communication all around. And I think if I

found out that a guy was faking it with me, I would feel so humiliated. And what's kind of interesting is that it's really deceit, but it's like deceit that kind of is like culturally fine for some reason. You know, if you were like lying to your partner about almost anything else, people would be like, that's bad. You shouldn't lie.

But then it's like faking orgasms for some reason is like sanctioned deceit in like for women. Right. It's deceit to your own detriment. Yeah. You're lying and you're not having fun. Yeah. Do you feel like there's anything you've learned, whether it's, you know, on the show,

I know you did some of this stuff of figuring out what you want to be able to have an orgasm with your body? Yeah, I mean, I've heard someone say this, so I'm stealing it from them, but I don't remember who it was where it's like, if you don't know how to make yourself come, like, how is a guy going to know? You know, so I think learning that for yourself is really important because then you can explain or show or guide or whatever it is your partner to be doing that to you, you know what I mean, or doing that with you. So like, you have to know what you like, and I'm not saying that that's easy. I think some people find it difficult to orgasm or, you know, but try different things. I think that there's always a possibility, right? And like,

maybe you need a vibrator. Like I have a friend who's like, I just can't come without a vibrator. My husband knows. I just use it when we have sex. And she was like at first, like, right, at the very beginning, there was like a component of insecurity, right? Just like anybody would have like a kind of, we have egos. So you're like, can I not do it? And then she's just like, this is what I need. And then she's like, now he knows that he's adding something. It's not like, it's just me and my vibrator and you're just here by accident. She's like, I use it when we have penetrative sex and he's touching me and it makes it so much more intense. And he's a big part of it. I just need this extra piece. So I think it's fine. Like I definitely, I cannot come from

administrative sex alone. Like I have to be touching myself if I'm having penetrative sex. And it's just like, I've come to terms with that. I think that's a lot of women. And guys just don't care. care. If somebody cares, that's their own weird ego shit. That's so weird. Like, we know tons of people that use vibrators during sex, that touch themselves during sex. I think it's hot and kinky and nice to watch. Like, isn't that

fun to see somebody do that in bad? If you've, like, an ego about that, then you have self-esteem issues. I know. I mean, I did this guy once it was like, I can't come from a blowjob. And of course, part of you was like, I will be the person that makes you come from a low job. And then, like, I wasn't. And eventually, I was like, whatever. Who cares? He's like, I still enjoy you doing it. But I can come other ways, but it's like, it's not about you.

It's pretty much the answer to everything in life. Sex included. It's not about you. Yeah. Well, we've talked about, we've had people on the show where we're like, let's just, I mean, of course we all want to come. Like, we all want to have orgasms, but we, you can still have really fun sex without it too, like kind of removing the pressure of the orgasm because I think people think

it's this end all be all and doesn't have to be. I mean, some of the craziest all over the place sex I've had was with a partner. We were kind of drunk. No one came, but we woke up. We were like, what? Like, it's just, you wake up in the kitchen wondering like what happened last night. It's like, no one came, but that was wild. I don't know if I know this about you, like your journey of penetrative sex orgasms.

Like, has it gotten a lot exponentially easier for you as you've gotten older? Yeah, 100%. I mean, I always say also it's like help people's bodies fit together. I don't know. I had an ex that just like I came every time from penetrative sex. But again, it was when I was on top and it was like a clitoral stimulation. But for whatever reason, our bodies fit so well together. And then the next guy after that that I slept with, I was like it doesn't feel the same. I feel like he's like his pelvic bone is pushing into mine. I'm uncomfortable. Like our bodies aren't together. So I think so much of it is like is how your bodies go. But I mean, I totally have orgasms from penetrative sex. But there's got to be stimulation like all. on the clit. I'm rarely going to have, I'm rarely going to have an orgasm when it guys on top. Okay. For sure. And like you have to be, when you say there has to be clitoral stimulation, it means you can be kind of like just grinding on their body or using your hand. Okay. Yes. I like this idea that like sometimes somebody's body is just not formatted to your body

in the way it needs to be. And like the last person I dated, I came every single time, 100% of the time on my back on top, doggy style, everything. Like he just like perfectly. fit me and it had nothing to do of clitorial stimulation. Like wherever he was, I was coming. The guy before him was like, not that my last ex was not well and down, he was fine, but the guy before that was so enormous that I was in pain a lot during sex. And so I didn't always come because it sort of like hurt and conflicted with my ability

to get off. I think you just, it is about like knowing your angles a little bit more and how to get like clitoral stimulation. Like it's a selfie. But I also think like a sex pillow on the bottom. I posted this Instagram story about fucking on a sex wedge. You get them on Amazon. Type in sex pillows, $12.

But if you can learn how to on your back angle your body, then you can get clitoral stimulation if you feel weird about touching yourself. For sure. It's true. Like, I mean, that guy, that's amazing, that it's like every position everywhere.

But I just feel like that's such a plus, but it's rare. Like, I think people shouldn't just feel embarrassed if they're like, I can only come this one single way. 100%. During sex, like there's not that. many ways, positions I can come in. Yeah, it's like, I know the ways and beyond that. I don't even think that there's been many surprises. Uh-huh. I also just, I like love dirty talk and like I can really

get myself super turned on in my own head. And like I dated a guy. This is right when we first started the podcast. He was this like, he was 24. He was really young and he just was so great at the dirty talk. He had this really sexy voice. He was super sexy. He could pull it off. And I don't even know. I can't, I feel like don't remember how good the sex was because it was like what was happening was like in my ear. Like yeah, he was like penetrating me, fingering me doing whatever. But like the hottest part that I feel like would actually make me come was like the stuff he was saying. So it was kind of like the culmination of everything. Like looking back, I don't think I would have had many orgasms with him if he was dead silent and he was just doing what he was doing to my body. Like it was kind of like

the two together. Do you have a 360 experience? Girl, that's what I mean. Dude, I'm actually the same. Like, sex to me is very psychological. So, like, I've had people be like, you want someone to talk. Like, that's awkward. I'm like, I'm down for the person to just fully monologue the whole time. Like, I... Yeah, narrate the situation.

Yeah, they can pull it off. Yeah. But totally, like, the 360 experience for me, like, I want somebody to be, like, super dirty and disgusting and degrading. But, like, I want to know the person that's doing that doesn't actually mean that. I want to do you care about me. I want to know actresses with brunch. I want to know that you think that I'm the best thing in the world.

Like, that is my 360 experience. That's so sweet. I like that because, yeah, like, someone calling you like a horror or whatever can be so loving if they're like, I'm doing this because I know you love it and I want to make you feel good. Yes. So I'm not into that. I'm into like compliments.

Like you've got to tell me I'm like so beautiful, so funny. You love my comedy. Like all the things. Like while you're getting ahead, they're like, I love your comedy. You're so smart. That's brunch talk for me only. Yeah. I love your ambition.

No. Well, this was so fun. This is so fun. I'm so glad. I feel like I haven't had a conversation like this in a while, which is like funny because it used to be stuff I talked about all the time. Now I'm just like locked in my apartment. This stuff exists and it's silly to pretend that it doesn't and peaking on people exist.

Thank you for not being in the corner. We were like peeing on people. Peeing on people exist. We need more visibility. I never knew anything about this stuff 10 years ago. No one was talking about this stuff on podcast. And so for somebody to be like, yeah, people bring tarps. you pee on that. It's nice for us. And if we can be a part of normalizing that conversation,

we're so honored. Yeah. I'd love to invite you to our show in L.A. at the Will Turn in February, you go to bring a tarp and we'll do an act out. No, I'm kidding. We would love you to come. I'm to wear a tarp with like lingerie under it. Yeah. And we'll have a guy with a suit come out and we'll do like everything we've talked about today. Yeah. I would love that. I want to come. Yeah, totally. I'm being serious about that. You can leave the tarp at home. But we would love to meet you in person in February. All right. We'll see you February 19th at the Willtern. Amazing.

We'll tell people everywhere they can find you. This is so great. Tell people where they can find your writing, your show, everything that you are working on. Instagram, all the things. My Instagram is at Carly Sletever. And I've been writing for years, this column at Vogue less frequently now, but it's called Breathless and it's on Vogue.com. And the show I was making for Vicer now, I think it's, if you Google it, it's whatever. I know it's on Amazon, you know,

like you can buy it on Amazon. This is a bad plug, but it's, you could get it somewhere online, but I'm not exactly sure where. I watched it this year. I watched it in 2021. I like how chill you are about it. What's the time is like, tell everybody you can find me. I'd be like, I don't know. Just Google it. Well, this has been a pleasure.

We loved this. We will hopefully meet you in LA soon. We really appreciate everything that you talked about today. Yes. Thank you so much. That was so fun. Yes. And you guys know where to find us. Girls Gotteap Podcast.com. You can still watch the holiday show this week through the 19th. Get tickets via our website. Click on live shows or you can just go direct to momenthouse.com slash girls got to eat. You can follow us on Instagram,

Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. I'm Ash Hess. Raina is ranan.com. Girls underscore got to eat on Twitter and YouTube.com slash girls got to eat. And we will see you next week. Have a good week. Bye. Bye.