Girls Gotta Eat - Would You Date a Friend's Ex?

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

We're discussing the controversial topic of dating a friend's ex (or someone they dated casually or even just slept with). We're breaking down all the different scenarios, what counts as "girl code," a recent situation between us, our listeners' thoughts, and how to talk to a friend about dating their past flame. Then we're diving into some spicy listener emails about a friendship-ending situation and a man dating his friend's ex-wife. Before we get into the topic, we debut our 2024 campaign t-shirts, chat about Ashley's wedding planning (the guest list has been made), and Rayna shares HUGE NEWS! Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Hand and Stone: Enjoy free aromatherapy with your introductory facial at https://handandstone.com with code GGE or in spa. Skims: Shop the Skims Bra Shop at http://skims.com. Daily Harvest: Get 15% off your first box of $100 or more at https://dailyharvest.com/gge. La Croix: Find a list of retailers that sell La Croix Sparkling Water at www.lacroixwater.com. Robinhood Gold: Get high net worth at any net worth for $5/ month at https://robinhood.com/gold. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are talking about whether you would date a friend's ex. And this is just really so debatable. This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. We are campaigning today.

If you're watching on YouTube, I forced Raina into wearing our special tour election year t-shirts. Yeah, this is our campaign. Raynal and Astley, 2024. Yes. So turn it to YouTube and see the shirts. And these are the ones that we are throwing out, shooting out, giving out at the shows. This weekend, we have shows in Portland, Maine and Philly. Our Halloween shows, we are so excited.

But I'm really not going to wear this the whole time because this just doesn't. You shut up and you were like, I don't want to wear this. And I was like, you made me wear this. And I styled it. You look very cute. I just looked like sloppy. But I say styled it. I mean, I put on jeans, sweat pants that look like jeans and I tucked it into my bra.

Like, I'm giving walk a shame right now. I think it looks cute, but Well, I have a set on. Just take it off. Yeah, okay. Can you give me some stripping music? We'll see you guys this weekend for our Halloween shows. Everybody dresses up.

You don't have to. It's fine if you don't want to, but we're a Halloween costume. We'll get some of you guys up on stage, and we'll show everybody your costumes, and you can try to get a T-shirt for free. And just a reminder, if you are coming this weekend, send us emails about the people that you are coming with, roast your friends, roast your partners. Maybe you have an insane Halloween store. about a costume. You can tell us that too.

If you have like a crazy group costume, you want to tell us about it, but we pretty much want just like what's going on in the room who you're going to be there with and spill the tea. Yeah. So that's at Stories at Girls Gotta Eat.com. All right, guys, we're going to thanks to our partners and jump right into it. Thanks to Handenstone. Enjoy free aromatherap with your introductory facial at hand and stone.com with code g, Gegee, or in spa, and Robin Hood Gold. Get high net worth at any net worth for $5 a month at robin hood.com backslash gold. And thanks to Skims, shop the Skims Brass Shop at skims.com. I'm wearing one right now.

And Daily Harvest, get 15% off your first box of $100 or more at dailyharvest.com slash GGE. And LeCroix, find a list of retailers that sell LeCroix sparkling water at LeCroywater.com. And one more thing, just speaking of the live shows, we've created something really special, one of a kind that you can only get on tour. And that is our vibrator friendship bracelets. Yes, this is the vibe bracelet. It is a vibrator on a custom beaded bracelet that says vibes only X GGE.E.

There's a little smiley face. We picked every bead to make this look how we wanted to look. We sized it. And then you can also take the vibrator off, but it has kind of like a keychain. So you can use this as a bag charm. But everybody at the shows is just like wearing them with their like besty. Oh, sorry, you're reaching for my head. Yeah.

And it's such a fun thing. The vibrator's great. It is so soft. This is just like the softest, silkiest silicone in this. like millennial baby pink color. Yes. And it's a perfect little travel vibrator too. And we've seen so many of our girlfriends throw it on their purses and get it for each other. And it's just the perfect little treat at our show. And our shows are so much about obviously empowerment in the bedroom, but also friendship. And so this will be at all the shows for the rest of the tour. These are

really beautiful, really proud of them. I'm going to turn it on. And mine has a dog hair on it. Obviously, the girlies with the dogs understand. But it's so whisper quiet. Because you know, sometimes at like little vibrators, they're loud. But don't vibrate at the shows, you guys. If you want to, love your truth. Ask permission from a person staying next to you. You're not going to be able to hear this over the... That's what I'm saying.

They're going to think to do it. Insanity of our shows. Guys, if you want, listen, don't get arrested, but feel free to do what you want. But we do encourage you guys to come a little bit early if you want to grab them and get them before the shows. It's really fun when everybody, like, has them in the audience. So you can come a little bit early when doors open and hit the merch table. And we'll have some of our suck and blow gel there if you want to to,

too, but the main highlight is obviously these bracelets. They come in a pouch. Do you want to show a little? Yeah, they come with a great little pot pink pouch with a great charm of them and then there is a QR code on the back for our app. So you can get our app. There's a free remote control for your vibes and you can control a long distance and there's erotic audio in there. So lots to look forward to. Yeah, I just, I mean, yes, it's a friendship bracelet, but at the end of the day it's a vibrator. Bring this wherever. Take it off the friendship bracelet if you want. Like I just think where did it all times be ready to masturbate at all times. On a plane. On a plane. On a train.

At a restaurant, at a show, on a date, at work. Yeah. But, you know, be respectful of the people around you. So if you bought these, thank you. And if you're coming to the shows, check them out. They are just a really special little treat that's just for you guys at the live shows. And a great gift. You know, we have the holidays coming up.

So if you want to get them for somebody that may couldn't attend the show or a birthday gift, which brings me to a little birthday shout out, I want to give today on October 21st. Happy birthday today to my fiance. Oh, I was like, to who? It's his birthday, October 21st, and also to Kim Kardashian. Oh, and it's his Kim's Day. And it's his Kim's day. Exactly.

So, happy birthday to him and Kim and all the Libra's in our lives. We have a lot. A lot. I have the most Libra friends followed by, I think, Aries. A couple of Virgoes slipped in. You know you're like my only cancer. That's how I like it. Yeah, just the one and only.

I'm excited about this episode, did I? I'm really excited. Judge a lot of people's opinions. Buckle up. Okay, well, Raina, we have an announcement. I'm really excited, you guys. I wouldn't say this is a long time of coming, but I am really excited.

I bought my first house. And this is something that I've been looking for a long time. I'm on just a lot of lists for this neighborhood and this price point. I always just casually pop in and out of places. It wasn't sort of an emergency. I just, I had a list of things I wanted, I just thought, like, if I see it, if I want it, I'll buy it. Yeah, and when you know, you know.

Yeah. And I wanted, like, a nice outdoor space. I wanted a nice kitchen. And I wanted something really bright and modern. And I want to live in Venice in this very specific area. And so I bought my first house. I'm very excited. And it went very quickly.

I went to the house on a Thursday. Ashley came with me. Just like randomly. Yeah. I haven't seen houses with you. I don't know. I mean, we were hanging out that day. And I was like, I'll go.

Yeah. I come. And I wasn't even going to mention it to you. It's just somebody had asked us to go to lunch. And I was like, I have to get back to Venice. I wasn't even going to be like, come with me to this thing. But the way it happened was a year ago, I was looking at another house. I had met the real estate agent. And it didn't work out with that house. And he was like, I'll just put you on the email list for this. And he, I just get his emails. And his assistant texted me this listing. I was like, I think you might like it. And so I went and looked at it on a Thursday. And I had an offer accepted by Saturday. Crazy. So I came in almost at ask. I came in just under. I think it's really appropriately priced.

It's probably a little underpriced actually. And I came in just underask because I just wanted a little bit of a deal. Yeah. But I knew that I would go to full ask and it just went really quickly and it's been really exciting. And I guess this means I'm staying in California for a while. But I love it. It's really bright and it's been really fun to just think like what is my stamp on a home look like and how do I change this?

And I've made all these lists. And I'll talk about it as the time goes on. But I'm going to work with a friend of mine who started this amazing company to renovate homes, especially that helps women renovate homes because I think that as a single woman, you're just like, I don't have a teammate to do this with. I think that you can pretty rightfully so be worried that people are going to take advantage you financially because I don't know the first thing about construction work. Well, I got Rob. I do have Rob. But Rob is his own wife and children to deal with. So I don't know the first thing about it and it scares me to kind of get taken for too much

money. So I'll talk about it over the next few weeks, but I get my keys on November 6th. And I'm really excited and I feel really proud. And I think some people have a little bit of anxiety about like I'm single. I'm not married. I don't have a partner. Is this like a crazy thing to do by yourself? And it feels amazing. I'm so proud of it. I feel so excited. I've worked really hard my whole career. This is like the biggest thing I'll ever spend money on. Yeah. So. I feel really excited and proud. Yeah, of course. You shouldn't feel anything but, I mean, I guess you feel whatever you want.

But you should just feel. Like, those should be your primary emotions. Should be, like, excited and, like, proud of yourself. And I like that you get to do it and decorate on your own. What if you had to talk to some man about it? Yeah, we have another, like, good friend that just bought a house with her fiancé. And I was talking to her about it this morning. And I was like, I just don't have to ask you his opinion about this.

I mean, you have everlasting love. And that's really nice for you. But I don't have to ask anybody's opinion about it. what kind of finishes they like on this house. And I have great taste and I'm not interested in somebody else. Yeah. Some men wouldn't care. They'd be like, do whatever you want.

What do I care? You know, I'm sure it'll be great. But that would be tough if you had like different opinions on like the home you're buying together. I don't know how I would deal with it. Yeah. I really don't. Like I was,

I'm thinking about it. Like if I just had to defer to somebody else. Like I think it breaks up couples having to like build a home together, renovated a home. People say it took them to like the brink. of like the end of their relationship. Yeah. I just think you're like, I didn't know who I was dating. I didn't know who I was married to.

Like, I don't know that you look at things like that. And I also don't have like hyper feminine taste. I think that like I have a very like neutral white, wood black kind of palette that I like. So I don't have like a very girly aesthetic in my home. Yeah. I think about that too. Because if, you know, my fiancee would move in with me. Like my home is just not that girl.

I mean, there's some splashes of pink, you know, some art that feels, I don't know. But it's not. My couch is dark. Like everything feels really unisex. I don't know. Like I wouldn't want to live in a home that felt hyper masculine. Just like a man wouldn't really want to live in some like frilly, feminine type of home.

I don't know. You design the same way, like right up the middle. It's not really like gendered. I don't have a lot of like leather in my home, but I do have any leather in my home except for this my clothing. But I just, I feel really excited to do this project.

I feel excited to not to check in with somebody. I just, I'm having a lot of fun. And I want to like ask all the questions and learn a lot of stuff. want to become like an expert at this stuff. Yeah. Well, I love it. I couldn't be more excited. We just were out celebrating. I was telling a lot of people and I like knew you were okay with it. But you know, it's always one of those things of like, well, it's just, it's still new. It just happened this morning. And I like, I'm texting my whole family. Because I'm like, you're not going to tell.

Like I'm supposed to tell them. Oh, you tell people that I'm not going to tell. Yeah. Okay. But also like we went out that night and I was like, we're celebrating. Like, I'm just so excited for you. And it doesn't, I don't know. It's not going to fall through. I mean, if it falls through, it's because you pull out for some reason. Like nothing's going to happen, you know, that you are in charge of at this point. I guess who's to say? But you know what I mean. Well, I have an inspection this week. So I guess something terrible could happen. And then, then it wasn't meant to be and I'll move on to my next dream. Yeah. You know, like, I didn't build this house from the ground up myself. And I think that, like, I have always been somebody that can like pivot and be okay with plan B. But for now,

it's full steam ahead. It's like, build everything the way I want it. We'll figure it out. And I guess I'm going to live here for a while. And I just, I feel really excited. And it's nice to have something to like share with other people that's like a really huge life moment that you did for yourself. It really is. It's so special. So that's our new home. That's our new home. All right. Well, I have sort of started wedding planning. We made a list. Yeah. Like a guest list. Because that's where. Not me and Ashley. Yeah. I was just like, that's where to start to even see what the number is. I had it in my head. I was like, let's just get it on paper. And he is like, he is like a spreadsheet king and I am not. I hate spreadsheets. You really aren't. I just hate them. They're not

intuitive to me. I don't know. Like, I like a dock. I've also never worked in a office corporate place where I've dealt with spreadsheets. They're out of my league. I don't know how to format stuff. You know why I'm not surprised because like you're a big planner. Like if I take a big trip, I have a spreadsheet of everything. The hotel, the flight, it's for me dinner, everything. I'm surprised that I don't like navigating a spreadsheet. I will have everything in like a chaotic looking dock. It's all there. But it's just. something about it. And so like, I'm just going to make my list. I just put a bunch of first names in like one column, no capitalization. Wait, you put in a word dog? No, in Excel. I was like,

he'll break up with me if I don't put this in an Excel sheet, a Google sheet. You know, I don't have Microsoft Word on my Mac. And I sent it to him and he was like, what am I looking at? Like, this is crazy. And then he went to town and he formatted it. It looks beautiful and it's perfect. And it's about 160, 170, which is what I feel like is. what I want if, you know, I want to hover around that like 125 to 150 number anyway. So I found it like relatively easy, I guess. Like we've been talking about this. This is like a fun exercise. So fun. But also it's a little weird because you're like categorizing your friends and well, your friends cost you a lot of money in this case. So you have to. Yeah. So I mean, I went back and forth

on a few people, but I just think when you're older, it's kind of like you know who your friends are and who you're going to be friends with. But, you know, I think you hear a lot of people say that maybe got married in their 20s. Like, I invite all these people. And five to 10 years later, I don't even speak to them or something like that. But there's also no guarantees in life, too, because I think about even friendships that are newer now or somebody that I may have thought was like a more casual friend a year ago that maybe I wouldn't have invited them to my wedding. And now we're super close. And I think that's a beautiful thing, the way the friendships evolve and change over time.

And so you can never predict the future and you never really know. But I do think at this age it just is like, yeah, it's like obvious or not. I think you got to operate from where you're at, you know? And I think that, yeah, when you're 41, it's a little more clear who you're going to be friends with for a life. Yeah. I wrote that list when I was 28. Like half of those people I'm not friends with anymore. And the bridesmaids I would have had, I would not have them today.

I mean, I wouldn't have bridesmaids today at all. But it wouldn't be the same list today at all. And I think you just got to operate from where you're at. And hopefully people don't get too sensitive. And if they do, that's not your problem. Yeah. So we have a couple like tests we want to talk about. And I'll let you talk about the one.

But I think what I think is like, how would you feel if they didn't invite you to theirs? Totally. Like there was one friend we were talking about. And she was a good example of like, she's in the mix. If she got married, I wouldn't be offended. I'd be like, well, I don't know. She's a ton of friends. She's a big family.

It's what it is. The hard thing about that test, because I do the same thing. I'm like, there's birthday party friends. There's wedding friends. There's people I'd invite to each one of those things. if they didn't invite me, would it bother me? But like, you don't mean to people what they mean to you. Yes.

So, like, sometimes somebody will, like, ask you to be a bridesmaid and you're like, I don't even know if I'd invite you. So, but, like, there has to be some test somewhere that you can operate by. And if somebody else doesn't have as many close friends as you and that, they see you differently, like, I don't know. I did say that to Sparkleyes last night. He brought up a friend that invited him to his wedding and he was like, I wouldn't even a thought, you know?

And I'm like, well, that's the whole thing. Like, you mean more to him than he means to you. Or they don't have as many friends or they did a bigger wedding. I mean, there's so many different factors. Like, there was someone who invited us to their wedding. I'm like, wouldn't have been on my list. But also, I don't know. And then there's weird things you think about too of there's like a couple that I see them

only when we perform in their city. But for some reason, I really feel a closeness to them. And like, I just feel like I want them there. And then there's people that I probably see. more, talk to more that like maybe I wouldn't. I don't know how to describe it, but there's like a thing of people you're like, I just think they should be there. I just think they're going to be in my life. I don't know. I think life is about these shared moments. And if you miss these moments in people's lives, then do you really have a life together with these people? And it's always a little

like upsetting to think like, well, my parents' friends that I don't even know are going to take the place of other people that I could have long time friendships with and like budgeting like who gets to be there and what. I mean, ultimately at the end of the day, like you're not going to get this money back. So you do have to make hard decisions. And hopefully people understand. And I've lost friendships over weddings. I've seen friends lose friendships over weddings. This girl had like a destination wedding and I was, oh my God, I was like 23.

I couldn't afford to go. And I did go. And my boyfriend and I figured out how to like drive there and get a hotel. And it was like really not financially okay for me and I didn't get her a gift. And she never talked to me again. That would be so crazy. Did talk to me again? I mean, I remember like, I think I mentioned this one time of the podcast like one time because I was always so broke.

like I could barely afford my college friends, weddings, bachelorets. Like, I was always overdrafting. Like, they all got married by the time I was in my late 20s. Like, I was the brokest years of my life and I still always made it work. But sometimes I just didn't do gifts. And like, there was a time we were all sitting around years later and they were all like, I don't think I got you a wedding gift. I don't think I got you.

And I'm like, you guys too? Like, I felt so, like, validated. Because I'm like, I was lucky to just make it. Listen, I don't get a lot of gifts for people, a lot of wedding gifts. If I'm getting on a plane and I'm buying a hotel and it's not a vacation I would take, I don't have to get you a gift. Yeah. That was the gift.

I spent a lot of money on something that you chose to do. We're not doing a registry. I'm not doing that. That's crazy. But if some more traditional people are like, I cannot not give you something, then I guess we could set up something. Cash. Yeah.

Venmo. Like, Venmo. Yeah. Here's my direct deposit. Venmo girls got to eat. Well, it is true. I mean, I think about like when I was getting married at 28 versus now and it's like, I don't need all that stuff.

Like, I had nothing back then. and I couldn't afford anything. And today, like, I'm not making people buy me a kitchen-aid stand mixer. Serving platters, I can go get it marshals. Yeah, and if you want to do that, that's fine. Oh, yeah, good for you. I just, I don't need it. And if you paid to travel, which this is kind of funny, like this intro was very much, like,

Raina and I both, like, really committing to L.A., Raina more so she bought a home here. But I think I want to get married here. And I've gone back and forth. I've talked about various places. I'll talk more about this decision maybe later because I can still change my mind. You know, I love to change my mind. But I come back out of this house, though.

I really, I changed my mind. Ashley and I are happy to change our mind. Yeah, it happens. We don't care. But I just think it's going to be here. That's what I feel really excited about. We have some fun ideas. But yeah, that's going to be a lot of people getting on a plane and flying across the country and paying for hotels or whatever.

Like, don't, I don't need you to get me a mattress pad or whatever the fuck. We've talked a lot about the just overall experience of planning a wedding, like privately. You and I have. And like, would I have a hard time doing a destination wedding because I want to be able to like be on. and see stuff. I want to like see a wedding at a place, you know? And we talked about like doing one in New York and I have another friend who's planning a wedding there. And she's just like, listen, New York's my favorite place in the entire world. There's nothing better. If I had unlimited funds until the end of time, I would consider going to marry it in New York. I think no one will

ever financially recover from trying to have the type of wedding in New York I'd want to have. And I just think it would keep adding up. And I just really want, you can never guarantee the weather, but I want as much of a guarantee as I can that I would have a sunny weekend. And that would be here more so. I mean, you never really know. You can't predict the future, but it's just too unpredictable in the East Coast, no matter what time of year it is. And I really want that. And everything here is just really beautiful. Like, we went to a restaurant Sunday. And I was like, I could get married here. Wouldn't bring it in any floral. Like this place is locked and loaded. Every time I'm with Ashley, we walk in. She's like, I'll get married here. Locked and loaded. Saturday night,

you try to get married at that place too. And everything's just, it's beautiful. Like, if I was getting married in New York, I'd be like, I want to make it look a certain type of way. That's going to cost a lot of I don't know. If I get married in New York, I want to do it like at the Plaza Hotel. I want like a big ass million dollar wedding in New York City. No, I want skyline views. That's L.A. I'm like, I just want beauty.

Throw my palm tree. Yeah, one palm tree. One palm tree. I'm happy. A little bit sunshine. New York City, catch me at a million dollar wedding. I have no money anymore because I just bought that house. I have a feeling of I think where you want to get married and I'm not even going to look at it because I feel like you call dibs.

That's how it is. It's very important to me. Yeah. for me and my partner that I haven't even got on my first date with. No. Raina, you were literally the epitome of like, if you build it,

he will come. Once you get to that house. That's how I feel though. Yeah. You know there's nowhere to sit in my house. You know, I think all the time when I come back here with a guy and there's like nowhere to sit.

You have two sitting areas, but I know what you mean. But like, it doesn't feel conducive to sitting. I can't explain it. There's two living rooms here. Your house now is just, it's not cozy.

My dad, I told my dad that I bought a house and his only response was I don't like your house. There's nowhere to sit and it's not cozy. What's happening now is everyone is coming out like Raina broke up with a toxic ex. And everyone is saying like I hated this house anyway. Meanwhile, we're still here. We're still here.

The way people gasp when they walk in the door of my house because the roof is like all wood. It's stunning. Like you're probably sitting. It's a showstopper. People be like, oh my God. But you're like there's nowhere to sit. Yeah.

Trying to sit somewhere. Like people don't know where to sit. It's great for a party. It's great for beer pong. It's a great house for a party. Yeah. It's been a lot of fun playing beer pong at this house. But I already set up where we're going to do beer pong at the new house, so don't worry, you guys.

Okay, I want to talk about this one thing, this final thing, which you brought to my attention to go back to the who do you invite to your wedding. I actually was making fun of it. You were like, I actually did this is a good idea. You were like, this is a hot take. And I was like, I actually think it is kind of a hot take. It's so embarrassing when you're like about to talk so much shit on some with your friend. And she's like, I actually agree with that. And you're like, oh.

No, totally. I totally sued to me. But then I sort of convinced you. You kind of came around on it. Well, I was watching this girl who I do make fun of a lot. but she was saying when you plan your wedding list, you say to yourself the FaceTime test. And that's like if this person FaceTime me,

what I pick up. And that's it. And you don't put them on your list if you wouldn't pick up and you do if you would. I just, for me, there's a lot of gray area in there. It's not, that is not like a hard fast black and white for me. It's not. But what really is in any scenario.

But to me, there's a lot of people. I have never FaceTimed. I don't FaceTime. I don't even call them. But there's something about it that they still, it's like the difference of if someone was literally like what the fuck is happening like you know what I mean I don't know how to explain it like I truly looked at the list I'm like I think all these people would get excited to get a face time for me they wouldn't be like is she okay somebody must be wrong like I don't know my whole list I would be like it better be an emergency yeah I don't know something about it resonates with me yeah and I thought about these types of things and like classifying your friends when I got engaged because we were really relaxing the whole next day and most of my day was sitting there kind of thinking of who I need to call, who I need to text, who I could group text, who needed a FaceTime.

And like everybody before I posted on social media, like I had to think of who do I want to know this before it goes on social media. And I still have friends who definitely people I consider friends who found out that way. You can't contact all of your friends. I mean, I guess you could. But I really was like, I want people to hear this from me and like at what level. You know, like some people got a FaceTime. You know? Who should you FaceTime?

You guys FaceTime together. I wasn't there for this. We based on Kelly with Brittany. There's a number of people. Yeah. But, you know, like my college girlfriends group chat text, you know, and then we did a Zoom the next night. Like, they wanted to get on a Zoom. I mean, it was just, it's interesting. And we're going to do an episode at some point on the, like, the medium friend concept,

which is not necessarily what we're talking about now. But just like, we love talking about friendships and tears of friendships and how you navigate these big moments in life when it comes to friends. I also feel like I'm not. a facetimer in general. There's like three people I FaceTime. One of them is dead to me. But the voice note test might be a better one for me.

I find voice notes very intimate. And like it's because I want to like communicate something to you in like a certain tone with a certain pace. I want to tell some jokes. You know like I just to me like if I'm sending you a voice note, I'm like this is going to take up a little bit of your time. I know it is. You can't really like listen.

You can listen to your leisure. But like I'm going to ask for like a minute or two of your time. And to me that feels very. intimate and I'm not voice noting people that I just don't care about. It's a similar energy. Yes. But like there's two girls, for example, and like to me, they're kind of like a package deal just because of when I met them and they're best friends. And I was like thinking of like I kind of wanted to invite one or not the other. I'm just closer with her. We just have stayed friends longer. You know, I still love the other one too. You know, we're fine. But the one that I would invite to my wedding, I would face time her and she'd be like,

oh my God, girl. Like never face time to my life. And she would still be like, what's up, girl? You know, and I think the other girl would be like, what is this? I'm like, I don't know. That's also a good test, though. Listen, if you feel like somebody would FaceTime you and you would go, what the fuck is this? Not like, oh, it's probably an emergency, but like, what is this? Off the list.

Yeah. So, anyway, I just think it's interesting. But yeah, I just, I like that, like, this is going to be a fun journey. We're doing big things. Like, I'm doing big things. We're big things popping. But I'm like, playing at a wedding. You're going to, like, move into this house and, like,

do this house. Like, these are just really adult things that a lot of people do when they're 20s and 30s. Exactly. Right. It's still in our 30s, technically. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people do when they're in their 20s.

But people are listening like, cool. But you know what? These are two things that I'm like really happy. I think I really encourage people to wait. Like, I'm not like, I'm so much money,

but like I've saved that money my whole life. I've never made a major purchase. I drive a Jeep. I rent. Like, my whole life has built to this. And I'm really excited that I and like walk in the door and not make it rain.

But like I was on the phone with my friend this morning talking about renovations and she was like, give me the list. And she was like, what's your budget? And I was like, I want to do stuff within reason, but I don't need to do the cheapest, quickest, easiest in the world. Like this is my home and I worked my whole life for this and I want to do it right. I want to have what I want. And I wouldn't have been able to do that at 28.

And if other people can, that's incredible. Well, I mean, I think the way that we've chosen to live our life is, a little more fluid. Like we up and moved to L.A. Like whatever I do next is going to be permanent. I've fully decided that it's whatever forever, forever home feels like, like I'm not doing this again. I feel like I'm not moving again to rent. Whatever it looks like, whatever it means. And but like if you are 28 or, you know, like my brother was 26 when he bought his first house. He knew he was going to live there. It was the best decision. Like the reason I feel like I haven't bought a home for the last I don't know, five, six years since I feel like I've been making home buying money, maybe seven. It's not

because of the money. It's because of I don't know where I want to live. I don't know. I've liked the flexibility and, you know, the freedom in that way. And so it's not dissimilar from waiting to get married either. I mean, there's a correlation there. And like doing a lot of things on your own, the way you want to do them, being able to make decisions without anything holding you back, whether it be. a partner, a home, and living your life in that way and then doing these things a little bit later than what people might think is the norm. Yeah, I wouldn't have bought a home in New York. I'm a lifelong New Yorker. What I paid for my house, I couldn't have gotten anything that I wanted to own in New York under any circumstances. And when I look back at getting married when I was like 28, I feel like I bring

this up a lot, but yes, I was engaged a long time ago. Every decision was new here, they're like, People are new here. I was engaged as somebody who I was with for four years. He was wonderful. We had an engagement party. He left me the next day. It's his story for another time. But we were getting married when I was 28.

And none of my decisions were my own. My parents chose everything. They chose the hotel that people were going to stay at and the food and the flight. And, of course, it was really, my parents were wonderful, but I wasn't paying for it. And I identify as being agnostic, if not atheist. And my mom was pretty insistent that we have a rabbi marry us. And I felt really uncomfortable. with it. I'm Jewish. I grew up Jewish. Everything I am is because I'm Jewish, but I felt like

I'm not a religious person, and I felt a little uncomfortable saying those words that I'm, because I'm not religious. But that was out of the question that we not have a Jewish wedding. I wasn't paying for it. And I don't blame my mom. My mom's like, you'll change your mind. You're going to raise your children Jewish. Those weren't my decisions because I wasn't paying for it. Now, you know, you get to make every decision in the world because you're paying for it. Yeah, like we're paying for it. His family wants to. to contribute. My family will contribute some, but like, I am not going to have my parents pay for my wedding. Like, I mean, maybe this is something we'll talk about later. I'll just keep the wedding

content coming as it happens. But yeah, that's an interesting conversation. It's just like, I've done well for myself. So my parents do well, but I'm not taking their money for this. Yeah. And I think that's a lot of like older couples. They're like, we're paying for this. We're not taking our parents money. I mean, if you have also, of course, people have rich families, families take your family's money, you know, whatever you got going on, you know. But yeah, this is not, I don't know if anyone would have assumed that. I'm not like, mom and dad, it's time. Also, over a decade ago, my parents had plenty more time to work and regenerate more income. My parents were retired. So if they give me a ton of money today, that's the end of them making money. They're just spending money they would have used to retire.

So I don't know. It's nice to do it at this age, renovate a home or have a wedding and you're just like, all the decisions are mine. And it feels really nice. Yeah. And I am open to sponsors. If anyone's listening. Or maybe your parents have just like a bunch of money they never told you about. We would take that too. My parents? Yeah. No, I want to sponsor money.

Yeah. I will exploit the show at this wedding. I don't care if you feel like you want to sponsor my wedding. Let me know. Can you imagine it's just some really weirdly off brand thing. I have to mention it all the time. What, it's like turbo tax. It's like Ashley's wedding sponsored by turbo tax.

I'll do. I don't know what do I care. Living proof. I mean, that would make sense. Yeah. I'll take anything. If you're a home organization company, if you're an interior decorator, I'll take anything. Email hello at girls got to eat.com to give us your sponsorship money.

It's like the same with Lindsay Hubbard's pregnancy announcement. Take that money. Put it towards your kids' education. Absolutely. You know? Yeah. All right. Speaking of money.

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Okay, so I'm wearing a skims bra right now. I have so many that I'm trying to remember which one I even put on this morning, but I think I am wearing this fits everybody t-shirt bra, which is just like the best. Oh, you do? I have the tan one on. But that is not even my new fave, which I love them all. The one that I'm loving lately is.

the weightless scoop bra. Oh. I don't know what the material is. It's like something I haven't really felt before. It truly does feel weightless. Oh, that sheer material. I wore it in Vegas under a see-through shirt and it was like the perfect sexy bra under a shirt. Yes. So this is just, we're talking about all the bras today, but these are some ones that we love. I love their bralets. I love all the other bras. I mean, I've said before that push-up bras that I would wear in the past, I just feel like they kind of cut into my skin at weird places and gave me some like bulges. And it's like, it's like, like I would want some cleavage and push up, but I didn't like what it was doing to the rest of my body. And I don't feel like that was skims. I feel like it's like smooth. You get a smooth silhouette,

wear it under like a tight shirt, tight skim shirt and then really get that push up. But I mean, I like the unlined ones as well. Most of the ones I wear probably not so much of a pushup bra. But I wear this for special occasions. But we're just such fans. I mean, they have so many different sizes. They have every size and every color. I have just been so thrilled with the selection. 62 sizes. Insane. You can shop skims bras. at skims.com. Now available in 62 sizes, 30A to 46H. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you after you placed your order. Select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop-down

menu that follows. I literally just placed an order the other day. I sent the soft lounge that we both have. That's your whole personality. I sent it somebody for their birthday because she was just like, it's, I think about it all the time. You sent her the dress? I sent her the dress. It's so nice. I know really thoughtful. I just got a soft lounge tank. I'm excited like a white, kind of that ribbed tank anyway. But we're talking about the bras today, but okay. I'm so excited for our topic today. We are talking about whether you would date a friend's ex.

And this is highly contested. We pulled our audience. 20,000 of you responded. We got emails with different stories. And this is just really so debatable. Yeah. I mean, there's obviously a spectrum of like an

X, X, like serious years long commitment in love. And then there's someone that your friend just dated casually. There's someone your friend just fucked once, you know, or you if you're the on the other side of it. I mean, I'm more of the friend that's like, date my ex. I mean, I'll talk about like how I really feel about if someone were to date my like serious ex.

Because this is nuanced. Someone that I just casually did. I'm like, go for it. I did this with you. I mean, my three criteria are how long ago do they date? Are we talking about a high school relationship? How serious was this relationship? I mean, people use the word date, dated, we dated very loosely.

Did you fuck a couple times? Did you have a crush on him long term and hook up once? Like, what do you mean by dated? And how much do you care about that friendship? Yeah. Are you willing to, those are my three criteria. How close is the friendship also? I feel like that was important with, would you tell your friend if their partner was cheating?

Like the closest of the friendship matters. Yeah. So much. Do you mind losing that friendship? Are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for that dick? For that dick. For that dick. for that friendship.

You know? And we started talking about this because you and I had a situation like this and then also Caitlin Bristow had a situation like this. All of a sudden it just seemed like this was a theme in our personal lives and on the internet. I mean, yeah, our situation was just that there was a guy that I had had a thing with years ago.

I wouldn't say we dated. We went on dates. You know, we did not have sex. We, you know, did some other stuff. There was no penetration. And we stayed. We stayed friends like somewhat. I don't know.

We don't hang out, but we're cool with each other. Nothing happened. We never unfollowed each other. You know, it was just one of those things that didn't work out. Yeah. He lives here and you ran into him. I'm like, you should date him. I felt a little weird about it at first.

This is not somebody that you had like serious feelings for. This is not what you slept with. Yeah. The dates were initially six years ago. And then you weren't like in love with him. But I still felt like, you always asked you. So like, is my friend going to feel like the whole time I had a thing for him? And that, like, I was like just waiting for him to do something to her so I could slide in.

I mean, you're so different than everybody else. I mean, like, the question for me is like, would you date your friend's ex? It was actually absolutely not under any circumstances. Nothing could sway me to date the person. It would never happen. But this wasn't like an ex-X. Yeah. And you weren't crushed by him.

You guys didn't date long term. And I ran into him and I told you. And you said you should go out with him. And I was like, oh, well, he did actually ask me for my number. Like, you suggested it. And then at dinner the next night, I wasn't going to bring it up either. And you were like, have you heard from him and you talked to him? I was really pushing it.

So you brought it up and I went out with him and like we've talked quite a bit. And the other thing to me is like if that person started. So a lot of people are like, well, my friend's in a new relationship, they moved on, which is the case with you. At the time you were not engaged, but in a serious relationship. But okay, you can be moved on, but would it bother you if that person came around? Like if him and I, I'm not asking you, like a criteria for me is like, okay, well, your friend's in a relationship. but if you started dating her ex and you're bringing this person around all the time,

like there's plenty of people don't have feelings for anymore. I don't want to hang out with them. Yeah. So I've been thinking about this a lot in terms of myself. I'm just not territorial about guys I don't have feelings for and see no future with. I don't understand it. I mean, I guess if you have a long history, they really hurt you. But I don't understand like holding ownership over guys or gaykeeping them.

I don't think that there's like so many great guys in the world. I mean, I think there's a disparity between decent guys and great women. So who am I to hold that like back from somebody if I don't have feelings for them anymore? And you could say like, yeah, Ashley, whatever, you're with somebody else. But like, even if I wasn't, if I really don't see a future there, I'm not waiting around for these guys to come back in my life. I don't need a bunch of people to have feelings for me or be in love with me, not saying that they are. But I'm wondering why someone might hold the mindset of anyone I dated ever in any capacity is off limits to all of my friends. Like, I don't think every friendship trumps the possibility of a romantic relationship.

I don't, but some people believe that. And they believe that's girl code. And I don't feel like that. A lot of people believe this in one direction. So they're like, I could see a world where I could date a friend's X and I can explain why and why I thought. But if somebody did it to me, off limits. Yeah. And I think a lot of people can't admit that to themselves, but that is how it feels.

Like, I don't like it when it happens to me. Yeah. And I can give you all the reasons. And, like, I'm thinking personally about, like, somebody who I've had feelings for for a long time. We never dated. If any of my friends went out with him, it would, like, crush my soul. I feel, like, choked up even thinking about, like, any of my friends going near him. Also, that's very, very fresh.

It's fresh. Like, it's extremely fresh. In five years, you might not. No. I can't even imagine. Like in five years, if I cared about that, then I should really, I should get therapy. I should get some very serious therapy. A lot of this is about reflection.

You know, like if you right now have 10 dudes you've dated and the thought of any of them dating someone you're friends with, it bothers you. Like, why, though? Is it just because you've been told that's girl code? I believe in girl code all the day. We're girls, girls, like, truly, you know. But to me, I don't know. Like, there's a reason why you liked those people.

why wouldn't they like your friends? Like there's a reason why you might like your ex's friend. You liked him. You know, like all, we're all kind of connected. I mean, people live in small towns. There's not enough people to go around. I mean, people partake in various activities where they're around different groups of people. And I'm not saying you should have some incestuous friend group or everybody's fucking each other. But I don't know. I think there's nuance to like all of this with people that maybe you did date casually. I mean, you are certainly always welcome. to really not want anyone to date your most serious ex. But I don't know. I really thought about this. I really thought long and hard on how I would feel about someone coming to me and saying, I saw so-and-so my most serious ex and saying, how would you feel? And I truly would not care. I would be like, hope you don't have the problems we do.

but like if this was 2018, you're dead to me. But now at this point, like, I don't have any feelings for him. We are not going to get back together. Even before I was with my now fiance, I think I would have felt like that. Like, I guess I can't put myself in that position, but I really don't think it would bother me. I am like, who might have begrudge you if you think you're going to be a good match with this guy? I don't want to hang out with you. You know, like, if it were you, I don't know, we crossed our bridge and we get to it, but it would be more about like, I don't know, Raina. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I want to vacation with him and my fiance or my husband. Like my partner now doesn't want to be around him. It's more about that. Like you can pursue this, but I don't know if we're taking trips. You know, like, I don't know how much I'm going to want to be around it, but that's my only qualm. If I have zero feelings, I just don't understand. Why not, I guess. I think that that is, there's a couple criteria. Yes, my closest friend and my biggest ex, I have a real problem with it. I'm going to have a real problem with it. And my last serious relationship, like, I still feel like if somebody, if you came to me

and you were like, I really want to date him. I'd be like, that's funny. Good luck. Have fun paying for dinner for the rest of your life. But also, I just don't want to hang out with him. That's all it is. Like, I'm just not trying to be around him. And like, it's just, like, I said that earlier.

Like, is it a friend that lives across the country? I'm never going to be with him. stand in your way of happiness? Yes. When we talked about this situation, I actually chose the friend that if she came to me and these people both live in a different city. But like I said it was Lillian. I just, Lillian has a partner and we're great friends.

And she's a good friend of mine. She's on the wedding list. But I was like, if she came to me, because she's a good friend and was like, I ran into, you know, him and what do you think? I'd be like, I'm okay with this. And I want the best for him and for her. And you both have loved me at some point. point. It makes sense why you might buy, but, you know, but yes, Raina, no. And also it just gets,

it gets weird with, it gets weird with the sex. Because, like, what am I going to talk to you about it? That's what I'm saying. You know, like, you're, you're right. I'm going to walk that back. Like, your best friend. Yeah. It's just, it's, it's, it's not even about ego and being territorial. It's more just weird. Yeah, it's weird. And I want to talk about our listeners and what they said, because a lot of people, well, let me give you a stat and then I want to talk about it. Because we said, would you date a friend's ex and 20,000 people almost responded to this and 48%, so almost 50%, said never, just hard never. Hard no.

6% I wouldn't I have. And then 46% depends on how close the friend is. And then on top of that, the next stat was, would you date someone your friend, dated casually hooked up with? 19% never. 12% yes, I don't see a problem. And 69%. Love to see it.

Maybe, but I'd talk to her first. So I want to talk about like the phases of talking to somebody about it. Because like you and I were talking about like, you know, if I dated your ex and talking to you about it and what am I going to like dump my relationship problems on you about him. And like, I just, I think you're going to, when you like, tell a friend. Well, when I dated him, it was like this and it's like, oh, that's an objection. That happened a little bit with that guy. Like, I was trying to tread so lightly, but I was like, well, when we dated, he was a little like, basically, it was nothing bad.

It was nothing bad. But yeah, I was just kind of like, I think he's a little bit more like this. And I was trying so hard not to be like, well, when we dated, but it was just, I had it No, I liked, well, it's kind of nice, you know? Like, it's kind of, listen, I sent him this like, I sent him kind of like a sexy response to something and he was just like, sometimes it be like that. And I was like, I'm going to jump off my roof. I mean, like, I got him and took my clothes off.

And he was like, he was like, sometimes it be like that. He didn't also respond. Both of those are exaggerations. I did. I said I got him and I took my clothes off and he said sometimes it be like that. Oh, he did. It's not exaggeration. Oh, I thought there was a.

another one where you sent him like a photo and he responded about something in the house. That was a different time. Listen guys, they're not together. It's not going to work out. He had bought me this hat and I told him that I was like wearing the hat and he was like, are you still wearing it? I was like, no, I got home and I took my clothes off.

I didn't put on more clothing. Sometimes it feels like that. I think I told you about this. He's really clueless. And then you and her were going to the rodeo and I was like, he was asking me like what I was wearing. And I sent him a pick of this very cute outfit. He says to me about the roof in my living room looked nice.

And I was like, that is not the response I usually get for men. But you were like, he's kind of like this. And I was like, thank God. It's not just me. He didn't want you either. Listen, he's still in love with me. No. He's like, please don't tell Ashley about this.

He is weirdly aloof for being hot. When I'm with him, he's super flirty. But when I'm texting with him, it's like he might as well call me bro. Listen, there's still hope for them. He's great. But no, you and I were talking about how to. present this to a friend. And I think most people, their biggest fear is confrontation. And especially when you know that like this is something that's going to hurt somebody you really care about potentially.

And I think that it's really, people just get really in their head and they don't have any idea what to say. And I think you have to anticipate kind of a negative reaction. And that's really scary. Yeah. It could go either way. You never really know for sure how people are going to react to this. if you are the person who is considering going down a romantic path with a friend's ex or, again, just someone that your friend dated or hooked up with, everybody has a different level of ownership they feel they have over a person from their past. But I think that if you can, you know, try to do this before you do anything physical with that person, it's weird because you're like, I don't want to approach it if nothing's

going to happen. And how do I know if we're going to even be a match if we haven't fucked? You know, but like what you don't want to do is your friend to ask you dead ass, have you guys hooked up and you have to tell them, make it even worse, or you feel like you want to lie. So, of course, it's just like if you feel like you're catching feelings, you guys have had a flirtation, whatever is going on, ask your friend, just gauge their reaction. And I think approach this obviously so kindly and so cautiously and lead with your friendship matters to me. And I don't want anything to come between us and ask them like, so and so when I've been

talking and I just really want to see how you feel about this, you know? And, I know this is a sensitive topic and I think there could really be something there, but how do you feel? And they may react poorly immediately. They may not. They may be like, girl, get yours, you know, he is a crooked dick, have fun, you know, whatever they're going to say. But I think my main piece of advice is that sometimes if people initially have a reaction, it can change over time. And I think with anything you ask someone that could be sensitive to them or could potentially upset them, they don't want to be put on the spot and they don't want to be told give me an answer now and like I'm going to do this regardless. So tell me, not that you're going to approach it that way if you're a good

friend. But I think you can always get someone's initial reaction and that can change and just give them some time. And I think this is advice for anything like this. Like they can say absolutely not what the fuck. This is crazy. They can react, have a big reaction, get upset. And you can say, I understand where you're coming from. Would you consider just thinking this over? Of course, could say, fuck no, this is my final answer. But I think a lot of people are rational enough to be like, yes, let me sleep on this. Like, let me think about this. Talk to my mom, talk to my friend, talk to my current partner. Probably not. But, you know, see how I really feel about this with anything, giving people time to think things over instead of like demanding an answer on the spot can really

work to your benefit. Yeah. I think it's always important to lead with empathy and that you don't take this lightly and acknowledge that this is this is a big deal. and you understand that, and that they can take some time to think about this. And if you have an initial reaction of anger, that's fine too. I assume that this was not going to be the easiest conversation. You're entitled to your feelings.

And, you know, sugar-coded as much as you can, but be honest. Yeah. And then there's also the other side of, like, you are like, there's no way they could be cool with this.

And you also might be wrong. You know, you might be underestimating their reaction as well. And then send them this episode. And maybe they'll chill out about it. Maybe their whole life they thought like, no, that's Girl Code. And then they listened to us. They were like, well, it's just fine.

Remind them all the reasons they didn't want to be with that person. And now this is your problem. Unless they did still want to be with them. In which case. You're going to lose a friend. Yeah. So you know what? Sometimes it can come back.

You know, you lose them for a little bit and you come back. Yeah. So, yeah, I just think, you know, give people time. I think a lot of things can be solved with time. But it's tough when you're horny and you're ready to go. You've already done it. Yeah. You're like, you tell me now if you want me to stop.

I will be mad at you. And I've already done it. But I just would like to know where you stand on the matter. Yeah, that's so funny. You're like, I'm going to keep doing it. You let me know if you change your mind. I think it could go like one or two ways. Maybe like your friend says to you, like I really like your ex and they start dating.

Also, you're probably not going to stop them, by the way. Like you're hearing about this because they have feelings for each other and this has already started. You're not going to stop it. But like if you really take some time to self reflect and figure out why this bothers you, you might acclimate to it a little bit over time. And that's okay if you're like, I just need to go away from you for a little bit. I don't want to be the sounding board for this. I don't want to hear about this all the time. It's painful for me, which is weird and awkward.

But like over time, you can get used to it. Yeah. I mean, again, it's you got to figure out why. Because people have residual feelings for their ex, multiple Xs. I mean, did they dump you? Did you have a lack of closure? Like, we get all fucked up from this stuff. And a lot of it is still also related to our ego.

But you're not wrong for that. I'm not saying everybody needs to not have an ego. I mean, we're all just like, out. You know, like, we broke up and I still had feelings for him for a long time. And now he's with you. Like, you know. And then some people said, which I hadn't even really considered, like, what if, like, the X still has feelings for the original? Mm-hmm.

Like, that's a little weird. I want to go back to something you said, which is that, like, do you feel, did the person break up with you? Like, feelings of rejection could go on for a super long time. And, like, to me, like, if I felt super rejected by somebody and then they chose my friend, like, that would be so painful. That's the guy that I was talking about before where I was like, we didn't really date it. But if he dated a friend of mine, it would, like, break my soul. Like, because I feel super rejected by him. And if a friend of mine was like, he's great, I would be like, you're right.

He is great. And I was crazy about him. He is wonderful. but like I can't handle him being with a person that I know. That's actually a great point and like a different animal. Like a kind of your man who's not your man type of thing. I'm not necessarily talking about you, but just in general. Like that could be worse because then you're like, oh, my friend's better than me.

Yeah, it's a horrible feeling. Yeah. Totally. So that would almost hurt worse for a lot of people than a relationship that was a real relationship and didn't work out for whatever reason as opposed to he didn't want to date me but he wants to date you. like this is hard to be around. Yeah, and like two things can exist.

Like you can really want your friend to be happy, but also be like I have to unfortunately remove myself from the situation. Like I'm not going to stand in your way if you want to be with this person that I thought was great too, by the way. But like I will not be involved in your life. And that's like totally fine. I think we should all self-preserve, you know? And maybe eventually you'll be okay with it. But it's like fine to not be.

Yeah, absolutely. I'm always trying to help people up with people. I remember like I went on a date with and I've, send him over to Merrill. Yeah. And then I was like all up to set because I think I want to be a matchmaker deep down. And then Lillian actually did date a guy after me. And we like, he and I want to date states.

Like we hooked up like I would say we'd actually dated. I would use that term. And I remember her having a thing with him. And I was like, good luck. Bring money. Or how funny those dollar tacos. And she was like, and it was then it was like funny for her to be like, Ashley, you were right.

and what is wrong with this guy? No, it is nice to, like, commiserate. Yeah. You know, like, it was, it felt nice that time when you were like, no, he just, sometimes he'd just be like that. I'll tell you was, like, so awkward about, like, when you're like, you really don't have, like, a leg to stand on, but you're like, I just don't want to be around this. Like, yeah.

I, I would have back then in college that I dated this guy. I didn't date this guy. We fucked some times. And I liked him, might have crushed him, but, like, we never, we never went to a movie together. Like, when you go to dinner together. Listen, don't use a movie as a test. Okay.

You want to come forward with this right now? Are you going to tell people? I've never been to a movie with my fiance. Like in a theater. We just, it hasn't come up. And he never wants to do that when we're together because we're long distance. And like I was telling you, like, I want to go. And we haven't been able to agree like on a movie to see.

And we'd rather be on the couch all cuddled up, you know. But then I think it's funny. You probably close to a bed. I feel like it's also funny. if we just keep this going, it'd be funny to be married and never been to the movie theater. I mean, you get a finite amount of time together. You want to be close to a place you can have sex. Yeah.

You know, I just, it's not where I'm going to waste my time. Also, you and I didn't see a movie together until like five years into our relationship. See? So that's not your thing. Yeah, exactly. It is your kink. And it's three and a half more years and I'll see a movie with them. Yeah.

What was the first movie we saw together? It was recent. What? Was it the Barbie movie? Rato. What do you mean? We never saw a movie together. I think the Barbie movie was the first movie we ever saw together.

No, no, no, no. We had to have gone. Maybe one more. You're right. You know, I didn't go a lot in New York. And I remember the one time I went by myself and saw a star as born. And you were like, why did you go? I would have gone with you.

And I'm like, no one can see this. Like I really. You brought your emotional support playing. I cried alone. I did not. I used to go to movies a lot in New York by myself. So I also, that was not an activity I did with other people in New York, to be honest. Because like I like to go to movies like 2 p.m.

On like a Tuesday. That would be crazy. It can't. been Barbie Raina. Are we friends? We had never seen a movie together. I'm pretty sure it was Barby. If it wasn't Barbie last summer, it was one other movie. You're right, I can't picture

a New York movie outing with you. Never. Premiers, which does count. We saw that Milacunis. Oh, God, lucky scrawl in the world. Lucky Skrull, trigger warning on that. We almost walked out of the theater. Was that the first movie we ever saw together?

That is it. Me, you and Ted Ted Jones. Me and Ted Jones went to that together. Yes, that's what we had to get to invite into a movie premiere with Milakunas to go see a movie together. And then Barbie was the second one and it ends with us. Three. And maybe one other movie and that's it. Okay. That's it.

No, what I wanted to tell you was. So back to the story from when I was in college. Yeah, I never went out with this guy on a date. He came over and fucked me. And I knew him from growing up. We were just friends. And when I got to New York, I moved in with this girl who I was also not, I'd never met her before. She was in Pittsburgh also.

but she and I were not friends and I introduced her to him because we just had hung out socially and she's like he's so cute would you mind if I hook up with him? And I was like I don't care at all. Like we hadn't slept together in like two years. I dated somebody after that. Again, not like a serious relationship.

But it got, then I got a little weird about it because he'd be like at the apartment all the time. Yeah. He was like sleeping there. I'd like wake up in the morning and he was there. It was just kind of like awkward. But then like you do have to have some self talk with yourself which is just like,

well, I'm going to tell her to stop doing this based on I'm a little. uncomfortable. Yeah. Like, that's not fair. Yeah. I mean, if I think about a guy from college who I just was like so in love with for so many years. And we took up on and off. We did go on dates technically, you know, but I wouldn't, I still wouldn't say we dated. I mean, I guess you could use that word, but still really not. That was never my boyfriend. And even like when I moved to Atlanta, we still saw each other a couple more times. And at that time in my life, like mid-20s, if someone would have wanted to date him, it would have really crushed me because he never wanted to like commit to me,

which is kind of what we were saying before. And so that's where it gets different, where you are like, I am having a hard time rooting for this because this person who really I was not good enough for, that's not the truth, but that's the story you tell yourself is going to want to choose this other person. I think that's where it really hurts. So I guess what I'm thinking about it, like how the relationship ended matters or how it never got started. matters. No, it matters a lot. I think a lot about like when people reject you and they leave you and that they

rob you of being able to have sort of like peace in the end. And I mean, if somebody wants to go, they want to go. And like you can't stop them. But like when you get like ghosted or blindsided by somebody leaving you, it's like you're left with these like pieces that are hard to kind of reconcile. And like my last relationship I was in, I think I'd be

okay with him dating anybody because like it felt mutual. I had autonomy in it. Like I felt fine at the end of it. We were friendly. I mean, we're not friends today. We don't talk to each other. But like if somebody was like, I want to date him, jealousy is not what I would feel. If it ended on your terms or just amicably, I guess the primary feeling that would make you not want someone you dated or an ex to date your friend is that they never chose you. So, and they chose your friend instead. And so if that's what you're

working with, then I feel it. I feel it for you. I validate it. I know. Same. Yeah. Okay. I want to take a quick break. And then I want to talk about Caitlin and Tasha. Okay. Okay. I'm going to tell you guys about Daily Harvest. We talked about Daily Harvest recently on the snack when that guy threw my Daily Harvest box, like he was shooting a three. So we have never been so crazy. We're back in tour mode. And I hate wasting food more than anybody.

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So enjoy free aromatherapy at $10 value with your introductory facial. Use the code GGE at checkout on hand in stone.com or in spa before 1231, 2021, 24. Okay. Let's talk about some actual scenarios where this went down. Well, I found it really interesting with Caitlin Bristow, who if you guys know her, She was The Bachelorette and she has a podcast and she's been our show. We've been on hers. And she went on You Up, I think.

And she told the story about how she, she didn't say any names, but people figured out who it was that somebody from Bachelor Nation DM'd her, a guy who had previously been with another woman in the franchise, which people figured out was Tasha and Zach. Right. And of course, no one's saying Zach had any part of this. He reached out to her. Should he have some loyalty to his ex? I don't know. He'd be the judge. But anyway, he reached out to her and she reached out to then Tasha.

Again, she didn't say any names, but people have since figured it out. And was like, hey, is this cool, basically? Again, we weren't there. We don't know every single detail. And the background of that is that Tasha was engaged to Zach. Yes, and she is with somebody new now. Right. And Caitlin and Tasha co-hosted a couple seasons of The Bachelor together.

So that's the connection. Yes. It sounds like they're friends. They're not best friends. Yeah. You know, like people were like, but Caitlin was there for her when Zach broke up with her. It's like, well, yeah, you're there for anybody. Yeah, exactly. So I guess Tasha then called her and was like, I always knew you were a bad person. Which, oh, you're not a bad

person because you consider dating someone your friend, dated by the way, if you're listening. And then Kayla made a joke of like, well, I should have sent a picture sucking his dick, which that's just a joke. It was probably not smart. She had no idea how this was going to get blown out of proportion. I didn't talk to her personally, but we did talk to Jared about. it a little bit. Like people ran with it and maybe people just were wanting to hate and, you know, choose Tasha's side, whatever. I don't know. We weren't there. We don't know every single detail. We're just using this as an example. I guess it depends on how Tasha felt about the breakup. I mean, if she's happy with someone new, isn't that whole bachelor nation? Like, everybody dates

each other. It's incestuous. Like, who knows what was going through Caitlin's mind. But she didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal. It wasn't like a get on the phone with your best friend and start apologizing and asking for permission. And I don't know. I just think life is really gray. And I think there's rules of society and how you hope people are going to act. And then there's how people really act. And this is not Caitlin's best friend.

It's not her longtime super close friend. And Caitlin got approached by this guy and she liked him and she's not going to stop dating him. And she did the right thing by saying, I'm going to let you know this is happening. And what's the alternative? She's going to stop dating him. Are they dating? So she's never come forward and said,

that they are dating. They've been photographed together last New Year's. There was like photos of them spending New Year's together. They look like they're kissing at midnight. But neither has confirmed or denied really that they're dating. Yeah. I mean, I am treading lightly because I do not know all the details. And we're not in the mix of this. Like, all we know is what we see on the internet. But if her and Tasia are really not that close, they did work together. I don't think that they're besties. And Tisha's with somebody new. I guess I'm just like, I, don't know that I would see the problem either. I just,

I'm trying to see it from both sides because I'm like, me too. I don't know how the breakup went either. Right. There's six to ten women in my life that like if they're very big serious X approached me, I wouldn't do it under any circumstances. Those people are going to be in my life forever. It's not,

it's genuinely not worth it for me. However, like outside of that, I'm going to turn down happiness because we're acquaintances. Yeah. And like, I just think Caitlin certainly. didn't expect that backlash because I'm assuming they just aren't that close, which I don't know

if she ever came out and said like, guys, we're not even that close. I mean, people really ripped her apart. And I think of also the jokes and the tone and stuff like that. But it certainly didn't seem deserving of like you're a bad person and everybody knows it. Yeah. But I also don't know from Tasha's side. We didn't hear from her. She kind of stayed mom on the whole thing. And again, this is not us really like picking sides because we don't know the details of what went on. But I just found that to be interesting. Yeah. I mean, I think that there's a lot. I think that there's a a lot of situations in which you're like, we're not that close of friends. So I'm going to date this person or you didn't really date this person. And it was 10 years ago. And you have a partner now.

Yes. But I'm going to stop. Right. And like, I guess it comes down to if Tasha or whoever the Tasha is in this situation was like, fuck you. We're not friends. Which it sounds like she did. Yeah. Is Caitlin like, that's okay. No skin off my back. We're not close to begin with. In any scenario. Yeah. I'm going to choose lifelong love and happy to. with a partner that's really rare and hard to find over acquaintances in my life. But again, you don't know that that's going to be the case either, you know? I don't do it joyously. It would really make me feel sad to hurt anybody in my life that talked to me, that was a confidant,

that I've shared moments with. If I've gone out to dinner with a girlfriend and spent time with them, it would make me feel really sad to do that to them. Yeah. I wouldn't do that for the fun of it, but I probably also wouldn't deny myself happiness because of it. Right. Yeah. And that's the thing too. I mean, not that you can ever predict the future, but if you're going to be willing to upset a friend or lose a friend over it, you do have to ask yourself, is this someone I think I actually want to date in the first place? Because if you really know all his red flags, all the things, you're probably not going to end up with him. You have to decide if it's worth it. Like I think most people, most adults, most mature people are are only broaching it with a friend if they see a future. They're not just like, hey, I'm really trying to fuck your ex. Is that cool?

You know, like I guess they see that person being a long-term partner, but there's still no guarantees. And you could still ruin a friendship and lose that partner, too, which sucks. I feel like if I found somebody I was really that could see a future with, I would take the risk. Yeah. With some friends. Yeah. Other ones, I'm just like, I don't know. It's not worth doing this.

Right. Well, let's go over just a few things our audience said, like the short answers. And then we have some stories. And the Raina pulled some stories also from other corners of the internet. But when we asked you guys just to share your experiences on Instagram, have you dated a friend's ex, how did it go? We definitely got a myriad of responses. And again, they are on a spectrum. They're like, yeah, I'm married to them now.

And then they're like, I would never, you know. So whatever you feel is how you feel. My best friend dated someone for about three years that I'd hooked up with, all caps, very weird. Yeah, it's going to be a little weird. But like, hooked up with once. Why is it weird? But that's really sad. Never girl code.

I mean, I don't know. You can't use girl code as just a reason to never do anything. I need any more information. I developed feelings for a friend's hookup partner. I asked her how she would feel if I pursued it. She gave me the green light. And now we've been happily dating for almost a year. The three of us hang out occasionally, kind of weird, but it works.

Love to see it. Life is a gray. Beautiful. Yeah. I married a friend's ex. Lots of these came up. A lot of those. We have kids.

Yeah. I would murder a friend if they did this to me. That's so broad. Any friend, any guy? I mean, and then there's, no, but I am engaged to my friend's ex hookup. She actually set it up. And then she wrote hashtag made of dishonor. I love to see it. I love to see it. A friend casually dated my casual hookup. They had a serious relationship and it was fine. I mean, yeah, we can't cling on to every

person we casually hooked up with. Yeah. Dating somebody being in a relationship with them is not the same thing as hooking up. Especially if you're a slut. Yeah. Like me. Like there's a hundred people on that list for me. No, that's what I'm saying. Like we, we date people we know. Yeah. Right. Dated a guy. My friend hooked up

with briefly in college. Small school. I really loved him, but I think she wasn't as chill about it as I first thought. Yeah. I'm from a small town. We've all dated each other.

Like, what's your dating pool like? Yeah. He gave me chlamydia. And that'll serve you right. Sounds like. Someone wrote, no, I'm not into sloppy seconds, which, I mean,

that's how you feel. That's fine, but that's not. Then on the other coin, it's like, you're like, no, I like having that connection. I don't know. We all have partners

in the past. Like, everybody who's dated a person that dated a person previously is not their sloppy seconds. Yeah, like, I'd rather be sloppy seconds of my cool friend than some random girl. I sleep with somebody tomorrow. They're not my sloppy 80th. Yeah. I mean, they kind of are. No, but I'm just kind of like, you're always somebody's sloppy seconds. Yeah. But also, listen, if you have to tell yourself that to sleep at night, like, sure, she can be my sloppy seconds, you know? Yes, yes, exactly. Go off. Yes, exactly. That's more of what it is. That's the self-talk. Yeah. All right.

So you guys submitted a bunch. We pulled a couple off of Reddit. We just looked up, would you date a friend's ex? And a couple of really good stories came up. We got a lot of emails and a lot of them were like my friend dated so-and-so person I was with in high school. And to me, it's like high school is just, I mean, I love if you're a young listener, but high school is a long time ago for a lot of us.

So basically she asked us to kind of debate this. Okay. Tell all the emails, I'm dating my best friend's ex. So she says, I'm a 39-year-old female. I started seeing my friend's 34-year-year-old male. ex-boyfriend. And the friend is 34. Front is 34. Not that it matters, but she's, I mean, she's five years older than these people, these children.

They broke up three years ago. She now lives with the new boyfriend. She is very upset and betrayed by this. I understand that for sure, but I also feel like I deserve to be loved and happy as well. I wish it wasn't by him, but it is. How much of an asshole am I? They were together for a little over a year and broke up three years ago. It was a tough breakup for her, but also for him. She now lives with her new boyfriend and has for two and a half years and has stayed friendly with the ex. What going on here. I know.

We have all been friends in the same circle. He and I had been close friends and I met him before they dated. We naturally got closer to develop feelings in the past four months. We were both very happy for the first time after years of being alone. I told her about this after we had been hooking up for about two weeks. The friendship is looking like it will never be the same and I'm stuck between what have I done? Am I awful? Should I just end it?

And why can't she consider how happy we are? and I want to be in love to. Be salvish and lose the friendship or sacrifice a great relationship that feels very right to make her happy enough to stay friends. So in summary, her best friend broke up with this guy three years ago. And they were together for a year. And since then it sounds like almost the entire time, this girl has been with a new guy and living with him.

Yeah, like six months later. Almost the whole time. Yeah. This girl, it sounds like, has been single for a very long time. They linked up and they've been hooking up for a few weeks. So she didn't tell the girl ahead of time, which like, who is going to tell somebody ahead of time? You're in the moment. You're like, hey, is it okay?

He's fingering me. She just sent a picture, a selfie. Can we fuck? Is this okay? He's fingering me, but let me know if the dick can go in. Can we escalate? Can we escalate? I mean, this is like what I think most people's, like, worst nightmare is, is just like in this scenario of, like, this is my best friend.

I do have feelings for their acts. They've moved on, and she's fucking pissed at me. I think everybody's acting pretty normal in this scenario. Like there's nobody that I think is acting like an asshole. I think that the friend is hurt and I get it. Yeah. Your best friend? I know and I want to know their history too because there's got to be a part of some people that are thinking like, wait, did he have a crush on you when we were together?

Absolutely. I also want to flag one thing. And you said this too, but I also know what you meant. But you can't always say, well, I deserve love too. Like, you can't always say like, but what about my happiness and my love? Like, that doesn't always work. Like, if that's the excuse, then what is holding Raina back from dating my ex? You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. His personality. And that's stuff he did with you. Yeah. I actually don't know anything about his personality. But, you know. Yeah. But you could be like, but I deserve love too.

And your friend's like, yeah, but not with my ex. Like, it doesn't always work like that. I think a lot of people want to be, you know, over dramatic about it. It's like you're trying to begrudge my happiness. It's like, no, I'm not, but why'd you have to pick that person? So there's that side too. Well, you can use that excuse for anything. That's what I'm saying.

People probably overuse that. But I also do believe in that too. Like, I also do believe in a world where you're like, you have very clearly moved on. You've been with somebody for years now. You seem super happy. Like, this is a person that I really see a future with. And I get that too. It's hard for me to say, like, who's in the wrong here?

Like, if I had to pick somebody, the best. friend does have to just kind of move on. She's also welcome to be like, yeah, I mean, date him. It sounds like you're gonna, but I'm not gonna hang out. I'm a little focused on the line. It was a tough breakup for her. Does she think this was her person? Right.

You know, like sometimes people break up and they didn't want to. And they do move on with somebody else, but they still have feelings for their ex. It's, you don't, you hate to see it. But I just need so much more information. And I want to know how the, how the conversations have gone. I want to say, like, maybe just give her time, you know, but I don't know if the friend, the young friend, is being irrational, you know, and I don't know how the old, older friend has approached it. So I don't know. But I don't want her to miss out on someone that could be

like her lifelong partner, but I also don't want her to lose her best friend. I know. And I don't want to tell the best friend. I don't want to be like, you shouldn't be mad about this. I don't think she's being irrational. I think she's like, yeah, I moved on. This ended really poorly. It was upsetting. I didn't move on because I wanted to. I think I would ask her what is bothering you about this. I think I would be like, you seem really happy. You've been living with this guy for years now. Like, I want you to really be honest with me about, and yourself, about what is bothering you about this. So we can go from there. You know, like curiosity is always a great approach with any sort of tough conversation. Yeah. I mean, I would not tell this girl to walk away from this guy. It sounds like you like him.

It sounds like you're going to keep dating him. Unfortunately, the damage is already done to your friendship. To be honest, you've already done this. You've already hooked up with him for a few weeks. Now she knows. You can't just like stop dating him and everything else will be fine. You know, like the damage is done. So now I think we deal with the fallout.

Right. Yeah. Like I'm not saying to do this, but I see a world in which scenarios like this. The friend is like, fine, I won't do it then. If I don't want to lose you and if this is going to ruin our friendship, then it's done. I'm going to choose you. and over him. And then the friend is like, well, in the moment, maybe like, great, that's what I wanted.

And then later is like, this sucks. Well, that's like cutting the baby in half. Yeah. Exactly. Yes, no one's happy. Exactly. I'm saying there's a world in which she then comes around and is like, you know, I want you to be happy.

And if this is what it takes, I'll get over it. And again, I just think like time can heal a lot of these things. But I don't know that you got time because you're trying to fuck. I mean, you could fake her out and be like, listen, I'll end this. Tell me you want me to end this. Call her bluff. You're like, I want you to tell me right now. Tell me right now that we're going to be fine.

We're going to be best friends. We're going to wipe the slate clean and everything's going to be fine. And I'll end this right now. You can never bring this up again and you can't act weird either. I am curious what is going on in the two and a half year relationship. Like there is absolutely a world in which she really still has feelings for the original guy and things aren't going great with the new guy. I mean, you got to know. And like maybe her friend is privy to some of those things too.

I mean, who knows what's going on here. Like, we really cannot do a full assessment on it without more information. Totally. But we thought it would be fun to discuss. Okay. We have another one. It's from a man. Should I date my friend's ex?

He wrote on Reddit, so I have a very good friend and we've been friends over 20 years. 10 years ago, I was best man at his wedding. I always thought his wife was gorgeous and I was happy for him. Wink, wink. However, he didn't say that. I did. However, he has managed to screw his marriage up by cheating and having other secrets and they have been separated a year. recently if she has started chatting to me online and flirting has started, well, I don't know about this woman.

Well, okay. Okay. Honestly, I don't know whether I should take her on a date or not. I am single. She is single, but I just feel bad for my friend, even though it's his fault. What should I do? It is not my instinct to outright blame a woman, but a little party you has to wonder if she's doing this to get back because she was cheated on and screwed over. Yeah.

So maybe not. but that was my first thing of like just be wary. This is one of those things that actually is a little more black and white to me. Like this is a very long time close friend of yours. He was married to this person. You were the best man at the wedding. This is not like in high school my friend dated somebody. It's like I stood next to them at the altar and they broke up a year ago.

But he cheated. But he didn't cheat on you. Yeah. He cheated on his wife. And I think that that is between the two of them. I think you don't really know what was going on. behind closed doors. Maybe she also was cheating. Maybe their relationship was terrible. Maybe she knew. Maybe she knew none of this. But he didn't do it to you. He did it to his wife. Yeah. So you can't be like,

well, he treated her like shit. So I should get to date her now. And it's like, but he did you treat you like shit? Right. So did he do stuff that was so terrible that you have separated yourself from the friendship? It doesn't sound like it. Because we've talked about this with that episode too of like there's a world in which you're like, I've seen who you are and you're terrible and I can't look at you the same way. You know what I mean? But I don't think that's what happens. It sounds like they're still buddy. Yeah, I always thought she was gorgeous. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

They got divorced, which to me is like more finite than... Well, they've been separated a year. Okay, they're not divorced. You never know. People sometimes use those words interchangeably. So, I mean, the end of a marriage to me is more finite than the end of any other relationship, obviously, because there's legal contract. You really want to get away from that person.

So it is really fucking over. Yeah. So a little less gray than I think, like, we used to date. It's like, well, this is very much over. But it's just very messy. And it does sound like maybe she's just trying to fuck with her ex-husband a little bit. You never know. Okay, question for you.

Who do you think holds grudges more? Like, women. Like, I see men getting over this eventually. So I was deep in Reddit reading all these, like, should I date my friend's ex? And I saw a lot of submissions from men being like, I dated my boys. It doesn't matter. Guys don't care about this stuff.

And it's like, well, have less deep relationships. I don't know what to tell you. But that's what I'm saying. Like, my feeling is like, hook it over it. Yeah. I think that men are less likely to outwardly hold a grudge because I don't think that men feel is empowered to like talk about their feelings. You're just, you're a bitch or you're sensitive. Like, I don't see this man expressing how much this is going to hurt him. Yeah. I mean, there's guys that have plenty of emotional depth and, of course, but even the first situation we read, I see that being a little bit different with the gender role swapped.

Like, I think maybe a man who has, like, been in a two and a half year living with a woman relationship would be like, yeah, I'm over that. That was, but I don't know who's to say. Like, maybe women just kind of hold on to stuff more. And I don't say this as an insult. It's just like how we are a little bit more. I think also maybe what this guy is saying about the cheating is like he didn't treat her the way that a person treats somebody they really care about.

Yeah. And a person that they really love and respect. And so I'm kind of assuming he doesn't still have. have lingering feelings because he was willing to do a lot of things that would have ended this relationship. Yeah. Again, we need more info. But we don't have it.

It sounds sexy. No, this one, I'm really, well, actually, both of them. I'm invested. And like, you never really know the outcome. Sometimes people go back in the OPs. People have a lot to say about it. Yeah. What do people say?

People say, I'm not necessarily on board with this. He's a cheater. So fuck him forever. Approach this with kindness. Ultimately, you can't expect your friend to have an emotional reaction. If you want to date this woman, I say date. because this isn't anything beyond flirting at the moment and there's no expectations of anything seriously, blah, blah, blah. Like, people are into it and not into it.

I know your friend fucked up their relationship and this was 100% his fault, but it was his relationship. Right. Yeah. Well, and the topic today obviously was more of the dating of friend's ex, but there's also the ex's friend. So now that's what this woman is involved in if she were to date her ex's friend. And I have been there. Oh, if I've been cheated on, everybody in your life is fair game to me. I'll suck your dad off.

Fucking cheat on me. I will fuck everybody you know. Rana and I kind of, I wanted to talk about it more today, but Rana said it was like a different, it's a different topic completely, which you're not wrong, but maybe we'll deep dive on it later. But like, that's something that I have done and I did things in my 20s that I wouldn't do today ethically. But what you're saying is I was the protagonist on the other side of this. Yeah. But I just think that's an interesting conversation, X's friends.

It just, to me, it's sort of the same criteria, like how long ago was. this, how serious? Why did it end? And do you have any loyalty to your ex? Like, it's more like, that's the friend's decision to make, you know? Most of my exes, I don't feel loyalty to them, but I also wouldn't go after their friends. Well, that's what Zach did. You know what I'm saying? So it's just like, who's to say? Well, can we end it on this email just because it was a very, like, one of our quintessential, like, girls got to eat vibe. So we wanted to read this one. So this was an email sent directly to us. She writes in, my. hook up her husband and she says shortly after i ended a three-year relationship i went on what i like

to call tindergate and had an extravaganza of fucking whoever i wanted however i wanted we love to see it in one of those hookups we stopped fucking and started friending we talked about everything he had after all already been inside of me something about being in every whole imaginable makes it easy to open up okay girl fast forward a year and my friend broke up with her boyfriend i immediately thought of setting them up because i knew them both so well has your friend been inside of your orifices too and what they did and didn't like. It sounds like she's fucked her friend too.

I bided my time, casually brought her with me to his housewarming party, and he was love struck immediately. They've now been married for almost two years. She knew her history going in, and I gave my blessing wholeheartedly, even signing their marriage certificate. The one thing we've never discussed is how when he and I were still looking up, I gave her a detailed description of how bad he was at fingering and eating pussy. I'm just hoping she doesn't remember.

Oh, she remembers. I remember everything all my friends who told me about. sleeping with somebody. Yeah. Every detail. But realistically, we are both just pretending that I didn't hand out that critique of her now husband. This couldn't have gone better. I love it.

I just, I love to see it. Share the love. She's like, you like what he likes sexually. And he likes what you like sexually. And I can tell you what he's not good at so you can anticipate it or you have to teach him. It is kind of nice to go into a relationship of knowing those things. No, I just, I really like this. And that's, you know, that's an evolved mindset to be like this guy's been in

every hole in my body. And I think he should be with my friend. I don't know. I join your friends. I change my wife. Okay. Well, do you think we covered everything? Yeah. Yeah. I feel great. Okay. I love talking about this. Okay. Thank you guys, as always for your submissions. I just, I love when we post a poll and we genuinely could say 20,000 people gave us their insights. It's just, it's really, it's an honor what you guys will share with us. Yeah. Yeah. We really appreciate it. I mean, we have like 200,000 followers, so like a few more of you should. But yeah. No, it should definitely be 200,000. but it's fine. We'll get there. We're doing better than a lot of surveys out there in terms of our response rate. So we really appreciate you guys as always and hope you enjoyed it. And we cannot

wait to see you this weekend. Oh my God. First time in Portland, Maine. I'm so excited. We're staying an extra day. We're so excited. I can't wait. And then we'll be in Philly, which favorite show of 2023 was in Philly. And so I can't wait to go back. Obviously, Philly is like, it feels like a hometown show for me. And both of these are Halloween themed. Rain and I have incredible costumes. I'm so excited you guys. Yeah, so dress up. But if you know, if you're not feeling it, then don't worry about it. And you can get tickets probably still some left for both of those shows at Girls Gotta Eat.com.

We are Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. Raina is reina. combe. And you can subscribe on YouTube. Share this episode with a friend. Maybe this is how you tell your friend you want to date their ex through this episode. Yeah.

And we will see Thursday. Have a good couple days, guys. Bye. Thank you.