Girls Gotta Eat - Your Man Who's Not Your Man

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

Your man who's not your man, almost boyfriend, fuck buddy you're secretly in love with...whatever you want to call him, we're addressing him today. We're dishing the hard truths about these relationships, discussing how to get closure when they end, talking about our experiences, and sharing our listeners' Psycho or Power Moves with the men who weren't their men. We're also discussing Ashley's new favorite show, and Rayna educates us on what happens to the brain on alcohol. Hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @Rayna.Greenberg, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our NEW website for tour info, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Earnest: Get $100 cash bonus when you refinance your student loan with Earnest.com/gge. Terms and conditions apply. Visit earnest.com/licenses for a full list licensed states. Quip: Go to getquip.com/gge right now and you'll get your first refill free. Ritual: Get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/gge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I feel like she did a lot and she was like, I could have done worse. It's like, what? Burned down the smoothie king. Fucked his dad. I think you did enough. You're his mom now. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back.

New brand alert. Yes. So much is happening. But we'll get to it. It's 91 and sunny. Mostly sunny. I am so sweaty. We're coming out of the heat wave.

The hot snap. No. In August, you think we're coming out of hot. No, no. Tomorrow it's going to rain. It's going to be 70. it's going to wash away the heat and then we're going to have 80s next week. This week was brutal. I don't, I've taken two showers. It's a two shower season. I hate shower. When are we done with shower?

I hate it. I walked by a guy the other day in the street that said this is my third shirt of the day and I felt that. Okay. I've been thinking about this like all day this joke because like you know like all these like influencers tease like big things happening, big thing coming and then it's always just like the dumbest thing you ever heard about. And it's like we didn't really tease this at all, but we've like been working. so hard on all of these projects for months. Yeah, I think what you're talking about is when influencers, like, big thing coming and then they just like knock off another small business. You know what I mean? Just steal someone else's idea.

So we have all original ideas coming in hot. And that's why it takes us a little longer because we're not stealing ideas for people. I know. This has taken us since the beginning. Since March. Since March. Damn. We need merch that says since March.

Okay. we have all new everything. We've new branding, new merch, we have a new website, we've new gifts for Instagram. It's just like we did a whole beautiful facelift. It is, our website is my most favorite website

I have ever seen. I go on it 12 times a day. It's so beautiful. It's so stunning. And I will say, I want to give you so much credit. You spearheaded all these things. Thank you.

We just kind of like divided up these things at the beginning of the pandemic. I've been running our video and like doing the video component of the business and obviously the podcast. and the editing and stuff like that. A lot of that content stuff is like my wheelhouse. And you have like such taking control of the website.

It was your idea to redo the website. The merch you handle. I mean, I'm involved in all this too. But like you really have done a lot. And I'm just so thankful. Thank you. And I just,

I have felt for a little while like, you know, the stuff that you do, like I can see it every single day. Like we post videos. We post memes. Like we post the podcast. This is just taken so long.

So I've been in my mind being like, I want to show my value to this brand. You have been crushing it. And also I just think it's funny that COVID hit. We were like, fucking redo it all. Like the day that I said to you, I hate our cover art and you like said it to, I felt so validate. I was like, I'm sick of looking at it. It looks amateur. We need new cover art. And you were like, let's redo the website. Ashley and I started a lot of conversations. We were like, just hear me out. And we,

so this is a long time. We've had to manage a ton of people. A different person did every one of these projects for us. We've had phenomenal designers. We've had amazing people. So we are presenting you guys with all new cover art for the podcast, new merchandise drop. I'll let you talk about that. We have a new website. We have really fun gifts for you guys to you guys on Instagram. So we hope that you guys find this stuff really fun and exciting. We're committed to making this brand really fun and exciting. We're going to do more live shows for you guys. We'll announce a new date soon, but there'll be one in August. A virtual live show. Yeah. No, let's just get together in like a big theater, you know. And also you will see in the tour dates page that we have postponed

our 2020 live show dates, which we are so heartbroken about. And we know some of you guys have already assumed that, given the stay of the world and may have received information from the venue or wherever we always want to be the ones to tell you first. We apologize if you didn't hear it from us first. We are working around the clock to get these new dates. Nothing is ever permanently canceled. We are rescheduling everything for as soon as we think is going to be feasible. And we will let you guys know more. We really don't want to bring the mood down during all this this week, but we hopefully will have a little bit more information, perhaps even some new dates for you guys next week or in the coming weeks. So we will let you know as soon as we do. Again, just please bear with us. It's not

like anything's happening anytime soon, but we know you guys have questions about tickets and stuff and we want to get all those answered. We promise we are on it. We just are asking you to bear with us. But we wanted to let you know what you would be seen on the website when you go to the tour dates page. And the URL is the same. Girls Got EatPodcast.com. So go check it out. All kinds of stuff there. There are some bios. We have pictures, videos, and then all of our partners will be there. So you can go there and see the links and the codes that you need. And we have every single episode on the website, Raina turned into a blogger. And she did them all. She was on the phone with her ex-boyfriend, not listening to him talk about a situation for hours and just doing

this. Sorry to him. This might be one of my greatest accomplishments to date. So you guys email us all the time and you're like, I would love an episode about drinking. I'd love an episode about open relationships. I'd love to talk about money. And it's like, it's always hard to guide you guys to like where that is. I don't remember the dates.

Half the times I don't remember the title or when it was. And so we have cataloged every single episode we've ever done, every guest. It has every single thing in there and you can search it. So if you guys are thinking like, I want an episode about friendship, friendship breakups, you can search all these keys. It's a really good way to get into the podcast. We are so proud of this. This was like so much work.

And yes, I was on the phone with my ex for hours. So I want to thank him for having such a shitty relationship situation that he needed to talk to me about. I listened to none of it. And I just cataloged our whole podcast. But it's so boring and repetitive that like you can just like kind of zone out for, I don't know, two hours and jump back in and you haven't missed a thing. Also, he asks me my advice and I give it to him and he argues me about why the advice is wrong. Yeah, it's a waste your time. Yeah.

So I just, every once in a, I just throw in it. like, that's crazy. That's crazy. And then he keeps talking. That's wild. If you guys are newer listeners and you're looking for like certain types of episodes, also I'm going to work on going back and tagging each one. So if you want like a therapist or something like that, that's usually in there too.

And headshots of everybody. So if you need like a visual, like who is this person talking, you can see what they look like. Yes. Which I love to like, you know, picture who's talking. Yes. Their websites are there. Their Instagram handles everything.

So tell everyone. it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Yeah. And also just like if you have, like, view it on desktop if you can. You know what I mean? Like, we know you guys are on your phones, but like, fire up that laptop, your desktop and just like view this beautiful website, like the way it should be viewed. And, um, and then maybe like take a picture of that and post on your Instagram story.

Just tag us. Just give us some love. We put a lot of work into this. Yeah. Chloe Leonard designed the whole thing. She's phenomenal and we love her. So thank you to her. Yeah. We'll tag her to. Yeah, new March. I mean, some of the same stuff we had sold before, but a lot of new stuff. some of the new stuff that is so cool is robes, two kinds, fluffy bathrobe and little kimono robe, your little bachelorette robe. There are keychains that say you don't live here anymore, bitch.

We obviously have our mugs. We have wine glasses. What else is new? Starter jackets. Star jackets. They're like bomber jackets, like silky, satiny bomber jackets with our logo in the back. They're so badass. And then the t-shirt, sweatshirts, hats.

all the things that you guys are used to, but some of them, some new fresh sayings. We have some I literally don't care merch and just some new stuff in general. Tanks, we didn't have really, we didn't really have tanks we loved before, if ever. So lots of options for tanks. Standards that says girls got to eat. Embroidered. The embroidery is great. Again, this is like totally new company, new shit. You forgot my favorite thing, which is the girls got a sleep face mask. Okay. Well, yeah, that's your vibe. I don't wear a face mask. So you talk about it. Every night. And I love the idea of like a bundle with like the robe and the face mask and the wine

glasses. So like just buy all of it. Live your truth. We've live your truth. Oh yeah. Live your truth. We designed the live your truth to kind of look like live laugh, love. So yeah.

And then we have like really great gifts for your Instagram stories. So of us, of sayings of cool stuff. So you guys are so incredible. You tag us all the time. We grew this podcast because you guys tag us so much. So now you've like cute fun things to include in your Instagram stories and Snapchat as well. Yeah. So just go, like you would upload a GIF on Instagram story.

You can search Girls Got to Eat and like most of them should come up. GGE, GGE podcast and also the sayings. Like I literally don't care. Live your truth. Yeah. If you type in Raina, everything comes up. Just type in Raina guys. I feel like if you type in Ashley, other stuff comes up.

Oh yeah. That's a good call. There's so many fucking Ashley's. No Raina's. Okay. Really quick. Wanted to give an update on our guest from last week, Brian Park, which we love that episode.

You guys have been loving it too. He was talking about a date. was going to go on. It was like his first post-quarantine date and his best friend was supposed to go out with her too. Brian went out with her. They had a great date and they have their second date scheduled. So that's all I got. I asked him, we could give you guys an update. We know people wanted to know. But yeah, I mean, he said he had a really great time, which is like, it's pretty rare. Like, it's, you know what I mean? Like, the odds are so low that you really do like find one person. And then you have a great date. It's just, I'm.

I've never gone on a second date from an app. So their second date is a Sunday, allegedly, if it works out, if Dylan doesn't fucking ruin this. Well, Dylan last night went on another date with another listener. So he's busy. He is texting me constantly about it just to remind me that he's doing it. That he's not your man. And then I...

Speaking of. Yeah, he keeps telling me that he's doing it. So I sent him a sticker last night that says, I literally don't care. And now there's gifts that say it too. Yeah, we had joked last week about Brian and Dylan competing over this girl, but Dylan said he stepped back, but then he, he was, I think he was joking. He, like, message me like, I'm going to win this. And I said, you better leave him alone. You better leave it alone. I was like, Brian likes her and you need to step back. Like, you said you were. All right. That's

enough air time for them. You said you had some stuff to tell me about. Okay, I have a, I have a wreck for you. I have two wrecks, but one we'll talk about later. The first one, okay, so I've been listening to this podcast, I would just like to say I was right about not camping. Okay. There's a podcast called Park Predators. Are you familiar with this? No. It's like, it's one of the top podcasts right now.

Like of all, like it's top 10 podcasts right now. And it's about murders that happen in parks. Oh my God. It's like serial killers that like they just like troll places like Yellowstone National Park and murder people. What? It's typically always women. So, I mean, I guess if you're going to go camping, go with a man, I don't know. But yeah, it's all these stories about these people would be like brutally murdered in parks while they were camping. So I would just like to say, I was right. Hiking sucks and camping sucks because you'll get murdered. Just, I mean, why are you sleeping outside? I don't understand. And all I'm hearing from this is you chose to get murdered. So are you listening to this podcast? I've listened all five episodes. It's great. It's, it's, terrifying. Park predators. Park predators. It's fucking terrifying.

You can actually go take a walk for the afternoon. You take a hike. It's really fucked up stories. But I feel like aren't parks supposed to be monitored? Like shouldn't there be people on like watching the security cams for park predators? I just feel like they're so big. Some people just go rogue and they just like sleep anywhere.

They like pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere. You're so right. It's so scary. I don't know how camping works because I would never do it. But yeah, it sounds like these people just pitched tents. That's what she said. Camping is intense. Am I right? Getting murdered in the park is so intense.

So yeah, park predators, I think it's great. It's fucking terrifying. But I was right. Don't go camping. You'll get murdered. Okay.

Solid. My rack of the week, it's not a hot take, but it's not too old. It is Penn 15, which written like, it's supposed to look like penis. Like when you're a middle school,

you know, and there was like stuff you put in your calculator that looked like what boobs? Do you remember that one? Yeah, absolutely. 8-0-8-5. You put like the little period in the middle. It's parentheses. Yeah, yeah.

Periods in the middle. So it's called Penn 15. It's a Hulu original. And I know a lot of you guys watch it, but for those of you that haven't, I feel like I've turned some of you on to it. I'm so obsessed with it. So it's these two women, they are now 33 years old. So probably when they filmed this, maybe they were like 30, 31. And they play seventh graders.

They play 12-year-olds, 12 to 13-year-olds. And I didn't know that going in. I just, one of you guys, a few of you guys said, you should watch this show. We know you like stuff about like middle school and high school. And so I just turned it on. And I'm looking at the, there's two girls.

One looks younger. Yeah. She's smaller. I can play a 12 year old. Yeah. And one doesn't. The other one looks like me in middle school. That's what I look like in middle school.

I was not a tallest kid. Yeah. She's tall. I mean, she's 5, seven in real life. Of course I had to look all this stuff up. And I'm looking at her and I'm like, she looks older. You should, you know, her forehead looks like mine. You know, like I wasn't age shaming.

I was starting to be like, these aren't kids. You didn't realize it. I didn't know going in and you can tell immediately, but you still are like confused. And so I Googled it and I was like dead. They created the show together. They're best friends in real life. They created. They co-executive produce it.

And it is the best show I've ever seen. I am laughing hysterically. I like, I don't laugh out loud a ton at TV shows and movies and stuff. I was laughing hysterically. I will co-sign this recommendation. I was laughing out loud. Some of the stuff you're watching and you're like, what the fuck is happening?

And then you realize you are audibly laughing. So the thing about the show, they're 30 plus year old women playing 12-year-olds, 12, 13-year-olds, and they, the rest of the cast alongside of 12 and 13-year-olds. So when they have to flirt with these 7th grade boys, it is the funniest shit ever. Also, I have to say they really remind me of me and you.

because the one, Maya is obviously she's shorter and she's so much more sexual. And the masturbation episode, there's clearly a hornier one. There's like a kind of, it just reminds me so much of me and you. Yeah, because the one girl's masturbating

in the bathroom stalls at school. And like, I definitely did that. In high school 100%. It's just like Anna in the streets, Maya in the sheets. I also, the last plug of the show, I also love it because it's set in 2000, which is like, I like remember a lot of that stuff from high school. Yeah, it's just like the same

thing. It's, I don't know, I can't say enough good things. We're dying to have them on. I am personally. There's a new season coming out in September. I'm, I really want to have them on. And I thought it would be fun if we have them on to talk more about like our, what we were like in middle school and stuff. But we're not going to do that today. It's like, we're already like talking about this for so long. But that show is incredible. The Taylor Swift album is incredible. I'm going to listen to it as soon as I You haven't listened? I'm going to get in the car. I'm committed to it today.

It's all I'm listening to. Okay. It's incredible. And I feel like the very first song, which is probably my favorite song in the album, is called The One. And it is kind of makes me think of our episode today. So all I'm doing today is listening to us.

Because it's very much like, wouldn't it have been fun if you were the one? Like, wouldn't it have been great if this would have worked out? But it didn't work out. It's not really, I guess it could be interpreted of like some of that you did date seriously that you didn't like end up. with Mary, but I think it can also be interpreted as someone that you weren't really with,

and they never became like the one in terms of somebody that you dated seriously. I think there's multiple interpretations. It's like, I love it so, so much. This one line, she says, in my defense, I have none. I just like love that. I can't wait. I'm so excited. I get like chills just hearing these lines. Yeah. And people are so obsessed with it. So I know we told you guys we would listen to and watch the same stuff at all times, but you'll hear my review next week. Okay. So there's that. And then my final wreck, I got to tell you this thing I did. This is so embarrassing. Okay.

So I'm reading this book. It's a Malcolm Gladwell book called Talking to Strangers. He's phenomenal. Have you read any of his books? The tipping point or anything like that? I know the photos. Yeah. So there's a chapter in there and he talks a lot about what happens to your brain when you're drinking.

I'm going to mispronounce every one of these things for you. But I read it. I was so fascinated. I read it like six different times. And it like really helped me like really understand all the decisions I make when I'm drinking. And like, I think that we walk through life and we're just like, yeah, I'm impaired. I don't remember stuff. Like, my defenses are down.

But, like, I never understood why. So I screenshot the page. Oh, my God. I, like, made a whole printout. What is that? I printed it out because I have a printer now. Oh, my God, that's right. You got a printer.

You didn't even announce it. We both are printers. We are literally so rich. We print at home. Mine is in a drawer. Because I have no space. Yeah, mine's under the couch. Mine's literally in a drawer that's for like Tupperware.

I turned it on once to print out a return. label, Ed wants to print out the Malcolm Gladwell breakdown of what happens to your brain. That's pretty nice. It's a six-s-a-old printer. What brand is it? HP, and I can send stuff from my phone to the printer. Mine's a brother. Technology.

But I printed it out because, like, I feel like I make these decisions sometimes and I'm, like, really hard on myself. Are you going to bring this out with you? If you bring this out with you when you're drinking, your piece of paper? No. I'm so dead. Like, when you want to text somebody, you send a drunk text, you whip, You felt your piece of paper.

So I practiced this the other night. I was trying myself on a date for dinner the other night because I texted 19 people. Nobody would hang out with me. But let me just explain to you like what happens when you get drunk. Okay, so first it hits your frontal lobe first. And your frontal lobe controls like motivation, confidence, things like that. So it just dampens that.

So like you're just less aware of stuff around you. And then it hits the pleasure centers of your brain and like heightens them. That's when you start to feel like, ooh, this feels good. Let's keep it going. Yes, reward centers. and that it gets to the amygdala and that's where shit gets fucked up. Okay, excuse me.

Is this dependent on how much you drink? Like, if I just have a glass of wine, is it going to hit the amygdala? It's all dependent on how, how, if you're a man or a woman, how heavy you are, how much you've eaten. Okay. Because, like, you got to watch out when it gets to the hippocampus.

The hippocampus, I'm going to mispronounce all these words. You're saying them right, girl. I think you're doing it. The hippocampus is the memory centers of the brain. And, like, I always, I never really, like, I know that it sort of like wipes your memory, you brown out, you blackout, but I never really understood why. And like, that's the part of the brain that actually records memories. And so like, it is just fully not taking information in at all.

Like, you can wake up and like, you will never recover those memories because your hippocampus never recorded them. And then your amygdala, this is the, this is the thing that actually helped me to be like, I need to think about this when I'm drinking. So your amygdala is what, it basically tells you how to like react to the world around you. So it says to you, is like a female don't walk home by yourself at night in the dark, you know? But like that gets dampened. So like you're going to do things like go home with people. You're going to do things that are dangerous for you. You're not like taking in past experiences and like observing what you're doing now based on that. Your migdalas all fucked up. And then it gets your serabellum. And then it's like

all fucked up. That's game over. Game over. So I actually don't know if I'm saying that right, but that's what controls your motor function. So the way that you walk and talk. Oh yeah, yeah. And alcohol, it just, it is crazy the brain and all the stuff that happens. happens to you and like all the different science man. I mean, I am super body and brain aware. Like I'm, I'm really always conscious like what's happening in my body, what's happening in my brain. And too much alcohol is like really bad for me. Like I, it does not do me any favors. I've, I really don't get like drunk drunk like rarely. Like the, I've gotten drunk twice since like the end of 2019. The next day I hate it. I'm so I'm like mad. I'm like mad. I'm. I'm like mad. I'm

myself. I have anxiety. Like I, it's not, I'm not, I don't have any anxiety and regret about anything I did the night before. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not blacking out and doing crazy stuff anymore. Those days are like way behind me. It's just not, it's not, it's not, it's not like, did I text? Did I do anything? It's just like, anxiety. And if I have anything I'm supposed to accomplish that day, I just start to feel like really low. You drink a lot less even than when I met you. You just don't really like get drawn. I just don't like it anymore. You don't drink it home by yourself. Yeah, I like love my personality and my friend's personalities when we're sober and I get more done. I'm more productive when I'm not drinking as much. And that's not to say that I don't have a blast when we and our

friends go out to drink. Of course, it's fun. But I always look back to when I was drinking so heavily when I was like in my early 20s and I was like having these bouts of like depression and sadness. And my mom would always be like, it's alcohol and I would just refuse to believe it. Because drinking was such a big part of like who I was as a person. And I just wanted to never believe that it would have a negative effect in my life. And clearly it did. But yeah, it's just like, I feel my brain changing. Like, we all do, you know, after those first couple drinks, your inhibitions are lower, you feel looser, you know, and obviously all the other feelings that I described in terms of like anxiety and things like that. And I mean, I drink frequently. I just not

to excess, you know. I don't know, reading this at least made me be like, I always thought like, yeah, I mean, it lowers your inhibitions and like you're not yourself. But I never really thought, like, it's like hitting different parts of your brain. We're like, yeah, I am motivated by different things when I'm drunk. And I don't. evaluate situations the way that sober me would evaluate them. And like, am I really enjoying this? Do I really want to do this thing? And I do like, it's like when you buy plane tickets when you're drunk. Because you're like, whatever. And you're like, whatever. And you're actually able to like clearly evaluate the consequences of doing that, like time wise or financially, whatever. So I think

at least this is like sober me's way of saying to drunk me. Like you might not like this situation. Right. Do this. Right. So it's just like a little reminder for me. You know, fun party talk also. I can tell people about the hippocampus. the amygdala. Yeah, it's just, I think some people, it just, it's, everybody's different. Like, you know, we all know what Sunday scaries are, but like my level of like anxiety and sadness, I think is way higher than a lot of other people. And again, that's why I just like, I'm aware of it now and I don't drink like I used to. But yeah, some people just don't, also some people don't even get like physically really hungover. I do. And this is just like,

for me, it's like the guilt and the shame of the shit I said, the dudes I texted, the DMs I slid into. And like this is just my way of telling my drunk self, like, you don't want to do this. Yeah. Do you don't want to do this? Do it tomorrow if you want to do it? And I just think it's going to like help. Not that I'm not getting wasted, but like if it helps me to make one better decision, then I'm happy about it. So if you guys are interested, it's in talking to strangers on page 215. I'm sure you can also just Google what happens to the brain when you get drunk. You have to buy a whole book for it. But if you're looking for a book, also a great book. Rain has got a print out. I love that we talked about that. I didn't know we were going to talk

about that today. So we didn't really, we kind of tease this in the intro, but we didn't really talk about it. But whatever, who cares? You guys read the description. We are talking. Where are you going to go? Where are you going to go? We are talking about your man who's not your man today.

Okay. I do want to talk about what your man who's not your man looks like. Okay. Before we do that, I just want to thank our listeners. We got flooded with emails about this. We just put a call out to you guys. No shock. You guys send us amazing emails.

But like everybody has so many stories like this. and they're so hard. And I think people diminish them, like they're not a real breakup. And, like, you guys flooded us. And I just, like, really felt for people reading emails. And I think it's, like, funny to say, like, your man is not your man.

But, like, these situations are, like, really painful. And they are, like, breakups. And I think they're often marred with these, like, additional shames of, like, why did I, like, accept so little? Why did I, like, play this game better? Why does somebody else get him and I didn't? You know? So there's, like, a lot going on.

And then even judgment, like, from people of, like, that wasn't even your boyfriend. You know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. Okay, well, whatever. That's just like a word. But, you know, like we had a significant relationship. So why don't you validate?

I think people feel invalidated sometimes. Yeah. And like sometimes if you're the friend in the group that kind of gets in these situations and then your other friends, they always have like, you know, like set boyfriends that they're like defined. And then you just feel weird even talking about them. So a lot of this is just like validating you guys that these are like real relationships that can cause real pain.

Yeah. We saw like every. We saw people that hadn't even met yet. We saw people three months. We saw people that let this go on for years, which we will talk to you, girls, about that situation. But, yeah, I think that friends sometimes are like, this isn't really that significant.

Like, oh, Ashley's always doing this, you know? And I think it's, like, so insulting. And it's like, well, I formed a, like, a connection with somebody. And just because it wasn't this, like, traditional, like, we wanted a first date. And then, you know, just never look back. We're together forever. It's like not all relationships are like that.

And I gave somebody a grace period to be with me. I gave them a few months. They didn't treat me the way I wanted, but that doesn't invalidate that this, like, sucks. Yeah. I think it looks different. We want to talk about our experiences. It just, it really, there's like a spectrum of your man who's not your man.

I think we joke a lot about somebody like, here we go again, somebody like Dylan that you have like a relationship with, but that's really not what it is. To me, it is somebody that you have a romantic connection with. And you have moments of being. in a relationship with them that feel very real because they are. You know, maybe you're going on dates. Maybe you're just hooking up, you know, after midnight or whatever.

And also, guys, when we talk about this stuff, like we know that it's a COVID world. So we're kind of always be safe and take precautions and stuff like that. We want to keep these episodes still Evergreen talking about like pre-COVID, post-COVID. You know, we want these to live forever. So when we say stuff like you're running around hooking up with people, yeah, be safe. but in general, you know, whatever that looks like can be multiple different things. And it's like having genuine feelings for somebody that isn't really committed to you where you don't know where you stand.

I love it. You said that like you have these moments that are these like really intimate moments that would lead like a normal person to believe that like at least we're on the path to it. You like meet their friends or you have these like really deep discussions and you're up together all night and like you're sleeping with the person whether or not you're sleeping together. That like deepens the relationship and makes it so much more special. And I think you did like a good job of explaining like what this looks like because I think for me like I have a hard time to find it's one of those like I can't define it but I'd like know it when I see it. It's like that

porn case that I reference all the time that I don't know the name of it. Yeah. And it's hard for me to like pinpoint like what this is because like there are plenty of relationships that are sort of like hazy and then turn into a relationship. But for me it's at least just like someone that treats you like an option and not a priority. And I think that like we, whether or not you're going to admit to yourself that you know that's what's going on. Like we know that we feel like that. We know somebody's not both feed in with you. Right. You know what it feels like. I mean, and we'll just say this up top before we really like dive into this is the quote from our episode last year, which was with Maria Del Russo. Also that episode has the all the attack on cancer stuff at

the beginning. It's called being happy being alone if you want to reference it. But the quote, which we also, she tweeted, we've had on our account is, if they like you, you'll know, if they don't, you'll be confused. Is that that? So you just, you know when you know, you know, you know what it feels like to have somebody like pursue you, prioritize you, want to date you, you know, and the gray area is also okay if you're okay with it. You know, like, I think there's all different kinds of situations where you got, you,

you're meeting up with somebody occasionally, you're fucking them, you're going on dates here and there, but you both are doing it. The problem is when you're super into somebody and you want to date them exclusively and they don't feel the same way. Right. So when it's like, but I mean, also as far as like getting, we have tons of episodes on can you make a man commit.

You know, we talked about it with Jared Fried, Mark Manson. We have a whole episode called Can You Make Him Commit. So it's like kind of reference those if you're looking for those kind of answers. But across the board, all and you know, I think our experience as well and the messages we got from women where these situations don't really work out. No. also, I think, prevent you from meeting other people. Like, you're not also dating other people at the same time because you're hoping this works out.

And I don't think it's, like, wrong to live in this fairytale land. We're like, okay, I'm going to stick with this. Not every relationship becomes a relationship after the first or second date. It's okay to give people a grace period and be like, we're going to build towards this. But there has to be a time limit on, like, how much you're willing to continue to be somebody, give somebody all the benefits of being their girlfriend and get none of that back in terms of, like, actual sacrifice and commitment. that you want. And I think it's so, it really can gaslight you and make you feel crazy. Like this one,

I'm not going to read the whole email because it was pretty long. But thank you to this listener that shared this of this guy she met. Um, they exchanged numbers. They went out. We ended up back in his apartment. We got really drunk. We had sex. You know, it was great. I had a big dick. Um, I never seen someone so huge. I was pretty excited. Um, anyway, basically the next three months, she said, we texted, sent funny memes every day, had sex regularly and spent every weekend together at his apartment. We go out and try different restaurants in the Pittsburgh area, blah, la, da, he met all her friends. They would always go out. Then her family had a graduation party for her little brother. He said he'd love to meet her family. He met her family. She said he shook hands with my dad,

met my freaking grandma, all her family, yada, yada, everybody loves him. And then she was finally like, I have this plan. I'm going to like find out what's going on here. This is three months in. She said, she said, we're hanging out of his apartment. And she said her line was, so, have you thought about seeing other people at all since we started going out a few months ago? And he goes, oh yeah, I just haven't had the time to go out and get to know anyone else. That is so rude. And she says I started tearing up and I was like, what? You know, his response was, wait, what?

You haven't thought about going out with other guys? And she said, I don't really remember what I said. So they were just on two totally different pages. Or maybe he was just a total asshole and he knew exactly what was happening the whole time. I don't know. But the approach is tough. And again, we've done like a lot of episodes on it. But like you just have to feel it in your own.

gut. And there's nothing wrong with, you know, being like, hey, this isn't really working for me anymore. You know, I am looking for like something different and seeing how they respond to that. And again, like, if you don't get what you want, you have to walk away or your quote unquote ultimatum means nothing. I think that it is, there's nothing wrong with having standards and saying, this is my standard for how I want to be treated. And if that is how you want to be treated, there's nothing wrong with it. I think that like, we don't have to like drop our standards for another person. I mean, I think we can be malleable for another person and compromise. But like, if you're a standard, I met this woman the other night.

She's my rooftop laying out with somebody else. And they were talking and somebody in my building knows what I and you do for a living. So she was like, can I get your opinion? And this woman was saying like that the guy that she's seeing like doesn't call her. She's like, I just feel like he's not like that committed. He never picks up the phone. He like never calls me. We don't talk that much.

And I was like, am I so crazy for wanting that? And I was like, if you want that, then that's your standard. And that's you communicate to a person. If they don't want to give it to you, you don't have to be with that person. It's a little thing. But like, there's nothing wrong with having a standard. If somebody else doesn't want to meet that standard, that doesn't mean you get rid of the standard.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a standard for how you want to be traded. Right, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I think that's kind of an extreme situation, three months hanging out every weekend. You know what I mean? I think sometimes it looks a little, like it's more sporadic, maybe, you know, I think it can look a lot of different ways. I wanted to know if, like, you've had an experience with it.

I had, like, the ultimate, like, my man is not my man. Because I think that for me, like, what this looks like, is, like, you might even see this person, like, flirt with other girls or be with other people. don't even know if you're allowed to get mad. Yeah, that's kind of the bar. Maybe you've hooked up. Maybe you guys have had sex. Like you're going on like some loose dates. You're not even sure if their dates because some of them were like with other people. But like I met this guy a few years ago. And our first date like wasn't really supposed to be a date. And then like I met him at

brunch with these other people and him and I ended up spending the whole night together. Went to like six bars. We're out to two in the morning. I was like, this guy is amazing. This is it. He's so great. But then like we hung out like five or six times after that. We only had sex once at the very end of it. But yeah, we do like a lot of group hangs. We like a lot of mutual friends. I was never like a hundred percent sure if it was like completely romantic because we were like hooking up and making out. But like one time he like mentioned in front of me to another guy that he'd had a date with somebody else. Oh God. And I was like, but we're not like in a relation. This guy didn't like seek me out, pursue me. But like we're texting all day every day. And we're like you're

sharing all these intimate things. And it feels like, you know, he's my good morning text every morning. Like it feels like we're like sort of dating and we're like making out when we hang out. But like that's what it was. It was like my man that wasn't my man. And then like he decided that he was like eventually going to be all in. And then I found out he was pathological liar and a shit bag. So we stopped dating. But like yeah, I don't think that he would even say that like we dated. I don't think that he would be like that was my girl or that we dated like so much of it felt like very quasi. I don't know. I'd see people like comment on his Instagram and I'd be like, I can't really be mad about this. We're not. We're not. We're not.

dating, but like we have all these intimate moments where we're like staying up till five in the morning together and talking and hooking up. I think that's a great example. Thank you so much. And I love what you said about like, we talked about this before we recorded, but the social media is the indicator. Are you seen them flirt with somebody else or something on the internet? Or yeah, I guess you can even be in person and you're like jealous and upset, but you don't feel like you have the right to do anything. That's a fucking shitty place to be in. Also just like, I don't I was dating somebody before all this. We didn't have a label, but like we were dating.

Like that was our label. We were seeing each other. We were dating. I knew that we were having dates one-on-one. We were dating. And if I didn't want that person to be my boyfriend at any moment before we ended our relationship, but like I would have felt comfortable being like, hey, are you sleeping with anybody else? Just curious for safety.

And like what's going on here? Just so I am aware so I don't get surprised. It was not going to be a what are we, but I think you can always ask that. If you're sleeping together, you know, not, you know, week one, week two, but if you are sleeping with somebody for a significant amount of time, I think you can be like, hey, are you sleeping with anybody else? Are you dating anybody else?

Is a fine question to ask. It's not an ambush, what are we? It's a, I want to know where I stand, so I don't feel like a fool. But, like, with that guy, like, I guess there could have been a scenario which he dated somebody else, but like, it's like I had the gut feeling that we were just dating. You guys were dating. We were dating. Like, I feel like with this guy, I'm, obviously.

I put myself in a losing position. I was giving him all the stuff that is great about a relationship. He had all my attention all day long. We're joking around. We're like, we're hooking up. Like, he gets to, like, bring this, like, cool, fun girl around his friends. And we get to, like, we did all these, like, really just fun, fuck around, get fucked up dates that were just, like, really fun.

And he, like, got all those benefits of this person that, like, just gets to, like, hear him all day long and had to do nothing to commit to me at all. And I let it go on for so long. And by so long, I mean, like, eight weeks. but like I put myself in this losing position where like he was like, oh, I never have to commit to her. She's just going to do all this stuff. Right.

And like I don't even have to like give the appearance of commitment. Yeah. And I just let it go on. Yeah. What you said about group hangs and like him saying he had a date. Like I can feel it in my soul. Like these emails that we got and even the short answers we got on Instagram questions, like I just like felt them like so deep in my bones of like how this feels.

Okay. I'm really excited. So I don't know. This guy listened when we started the podcast. We like reconnected years later and I felt so validated. We met freshman year in college. We started hanging out. We hooked up.

This is like the very end of school. And then that summer I even came down to Clemson again. He was staying there all summer and I stayed with him for the weekend. Like I was like so into this guy. And then it just kind of like fizzled out. It was just the summer. I, you know, partied all summer at home and came back. And I dated other guys.

hooked up with plenty of other guys, but he was always my, like, a person. I was, I was obsessed with them for, like, the next three years. And, um, we would see each other sometimes. We've hooked up a couple times. Sex was always really great. I feel like he would say things sometimes in, like, intimate moments that I was like, we're going to be together. Like, it was so stupid. I was just, like, anytime I could, like, I would like try to, like, stalk him downtown. I have drove by his house a couple times. Like, I knew where he lived, because I mean, because I'd been there and I'd fucked him there. But, like, I was just so into this guy. And, like, like, we never really dated.

He wasn't holding him back from dating other guys, but he was always in the back of my head. And then I moved to Atlanta. He lived outside of Atlanta, and we connected. And I remember this one night. He came over and I think he stayed the night. I can't remember.

Anyway, they came into Atlanta, him and his friend. We hung out with me and my friends. And I was like, this is finally it. I'm done with college. I've moved to, like, we live in Atlanta now. Like, we're going to be together. And he was like, I'm thinking of buying a place. like I'd love to kind of like get a place near you.

I mean, he was saying all these things. He's not a bad guy, but like he said things that I was like, you are low-key in love with me too. You were future tripping with him. Yeah. And then he was, he asked me on a date. And he was like, I just want to like, you know, really take you out and go to dinner and stuff.

And he was like, let's do, you know, like next Tuesday, next Wednesday, whatever it was. I was like, yes, it's happening. We're about to start our relationship. Finally, I've been in love with this guy for so many years. And the day of the date, I was like, this is,

It's going to be the best night of my life. You know, I was, like, so excited to go on this date. And I think I probably texted him to check in. Like, I hadn't heard from all day. It's probably 3 p.m. And I was like, I just have to see what's going on. I can't, like, live like this. You know, I was like, hey, you know, are we still on for tonight or whatever I said?

And he said his friend died. No. I think that's a crazy thing. Uh-huh. But he never asked me out again. That was really it. And again, I feel so bad. I really, you know, I have some, whoever that was, I didn't get any details.

We didn't go out and never really, I mean, not really. That was it. Yeah. Wow. We just never connected again. And then, I mean, he married somebody pretty shortly thereafter. He has two kids now, like, that are like, they're not old, but he is, you know, he's a family. If he had a crazy thing to make up, do you remember that guy who canceled a date with me?

on a Saturday night because he said he forgot he had a funeral to go to that night. He said he forgot he had a funeral, but he said like a reception. Right? The language he used was... He made it sound like a wedding.

He said that he had a funeral he forgot about tonight on Saturday night. He said it like it was a party he forgot about. Also like funerals happen so often. It's just like I have so many of these. I just forgot on a Saturday night. A funeral reception. Yeah.

So I again, I don't know. I don't want to be insensitive. but it seemed a little fishy. It's fishy because you never heard from him after that. Yeah, and I would feel so bad. Perhaps, you know, that really shook his world up. And, you know, if that was the case, I understand it. But that was, you know, it was a weird coincidence.

I feel free. Let me read his DM in full now. Yeah, he said, I love the podcast. I think I laugh. Every time you do, it took me back with that contagious laugh. I'm holding my breath and somewhat excited to see if I will be one of the funny stories you tell about dating. Your time has come, son.

I literally go, this is February 27th, 2018. We just started the podcast. I said, ha ha, just wait, you might come up. Two and a half years later, it's your time, sir. And yeah, again, like, that was somebody that I kind of held out for a little because I just liked him so much and I just loved spending time with him. I loved having sex with him. I was so, so attracted.

I don't know that we would, I don't think we would. I don't think we would have worked long term. I was just the physical. I think the disappointment is so deep. Like I think we've all like done that. We've like looked forward to something so much. And like you like build it up so much and to like lose it sucks. And I do want to talk.

I wrote I copied something that I want to read to you about like why these are harder. There can be just as hard as actual breakups. But like I like remember like when I stopped seeing that guy because he was terrible. Also by the way, he was definitely seeing somebody else, the guy that I was talking to before. A lot of times that it's because some other girls in the picture that somebody's acting like this with you because again, you're just an option. Like you're not a priority. But for like months, I was so bummed. I was like, I liked him so much. Like I get along with him so well. But like, why didn't I play this game better? And I was like so hard on myself about it. But it like took

me a really long time to let go of that. Like I hope he knows how successful I am now. He's the one you like care about. Yeah. I just hope he knows. And like it eats at me. But sometimes it's like the answer is just like you're just not the one. Like for whatever reason they just like don't like you enough. Like not you at any time. Because so many of these situations like the guy's not committing because he doesn't want a girlfriend at that time. And then like they get a girlfriend. Like it really is like they're just keeping you around until a person they like more comes along.

And I think you like always low key knew it. I always, I think if I really would have dug deep with that guy, I would have known we weren't going to work. you know what I mean like you always kind of know I met this guy last week that I really liked and Dylan was like if you'd given it if you'd given it a long enough of a chance you'd realize you don't like that dude like I think that like actually about like do some

future tripping in your head and be like what does it actually look like to date this person do I want this so badly just because they're not giving it to me you know right but like what does it actually look like to date this person and like yeah that guy that I was talking about was like a huge cokehead and I was like doing drugs with him and it wasn't good for my life either like

we were up till 6 in the morning all the time having these crazy nights because I was on drugs. And like that was bad for me. And that was bad for my career. And like I just, I don't want to long term date somebody that's, I mean, whatever, do drugs.

You feel like doing drugs. I don't want to date a man in his mid-30s. It's doing coke on a Tuesday. Right. It's just not for me. Going up on a Tuesday. He really went up every night. Everyone was Coke dealer showed up.

I'm sure I said this in this podcast. We were at dinner at Tacombie on a Sunday night at like 5 p.m. We've been drinking all day and his Coke dealer showed up at Tacombie. It's a 5 p.m. I'm on a Sunday. Coke and tacos. Fuck it. Sunday scary.

You never go to sleep. You don't have to get scared. But I want to read you this thing because, and then I do want to talk about like this self-talk and sort of how to like move on from these scenarios. But I read this thing about this girl about like why these can be just as bad as like a regular breakup. Her name is Sabrina Alexis. The website is the thought catalog.

I just thought she said it better than I could. She said, I think getting over these guys can be harder than an actual breakup. At least with somebody you were in a relationship with you were there. You lived it. You experienced the problem. breakdown of the relationship, the disconnection, the fights, the pain, whatever else went into calling it quit. When it's a guy that you never really had, all you have is thoughts of what you could have had. And that vision can't ever come to fruition because he didn't want it to.

And you don't get it because you think he's great. You like him. You enjoy spending time with him. How does he not feel the same way? And you're left to more in the loss of the potential of what it could have been. And that is almost more painful than mourning the reality of what it could have been. Yeah. And I think that's so true. Like the what could have been and like it doesn't matter. It was never going to be. Like let's just, we're saying it right now. Anyone that's listening that this resonates with. You're not the person that's not the person for you. You're not the person for them. There is no. You could have done this. You could have been more this. You could have been more that. If you were the right person, it would have worked out. It's like you have to figure that out because

I've done this too. There was a guy dated. We were just casually dating and I just, I didn't, I can't even believe I was into him. It was just because he sort of like broke it off with me. And I was like, but he didn't really see the real me, you know, like, it doesn't matter. Like, it's just, it doesn't matter. Like, it's just like, it is so tough. There is no, this is why we ended. It's literally just because you weren't the person for them. And, you know, ultimately they're not the person for you either.

But, like, it's just what you have to tell yourself. Yeah. It's the only way you get over it. It's tough love time for yourself. Like, I think you have to remind yourself, like, I wasn't dating this person. Like, they were never really mine. Like, it wasn't a real relationship. He wasn't yours to begin with.

Like, don't deluxe. lose yourself. You're allowed to be hurt and that sucks. But like don't go down this road of like these like what ifs because you weren't really dating the person. You've no idea what it was like to date the person. You weren't really with that. Right. We got we got a few emails from listeners about getting over your man who's not your man. I'm just going to like breeze through a few of the tactics that you incredible ladies have used. This one email she said she did this thing called the five day rule. She said she promised her best friend. She wouldn't snap or text him for five days. but if he messaged her, she was allowed to respond and ask him to talk.

He didn't in those five days. And then I went to three and a half weeks. And then he responded to her story and said, where are you been? And she said, moving on. And he said, you'll never move on for me. I'll always be in the back of your head. And she said, and since I've never thought, never spoken or thought about this man, that is really, you could even do three days.

If this person that you, like, are into and think you're quasi-dating doesn't talk to you in three days or five days. Five is pretty good. They don't care. And I love that she was just like, if he messages me, I will respond. And he didn't. And then five days became three and a half weeks. And then the dude was all, what's up?

Well, I mean, it's like we've been saying since day one. Like, if you like a guy, do nothing. Like, I think that, like, you're giving this dude all the attention that he ever wanted. Like, take that attention away. And, like, put yourself in the position of, like, I'm the one that should be getting attention. Yeah. Trying to get it from me. And, like, I even did that one time with that guy that I was.

talking about like one night. I didn't text him all night long because if asked me what I was doing the next morning he texted me. He was like, it makes me sad when you don't pay attention to me all night long. And I was like, all I did was like not texting back for five hours. And it's like, yeah, stop giving this person so much fucking attention and let them give you attention. Yes. And if they don't want to, then I don't like you. They don't like you. So fuck them. It's their loss. Another, I don't need to tell you like all the backstory. But she said that she basically wanted to figure out what was going out with this guy and kind of just like got in his face and she told him, like, she said, I told him he was a better guy than he was living up to

and he had so much potential. She said, we then made out in his car and I dipped. I wanted closure, so I made it happen. The messaging, you know, whatever you want to use there, but I love her sentence of I wanted closure, so I made it happen. And then I love this too. She said, sometimes acting cool is overrated. Like, I just, I love our listeners so much. Like, sometimes just fucking say the thing and be done with it. And you want to make out with him one last time, fine, live your truth. But like, I love that she was like done with it and said one last thing and gave herself the closure. So you can get closure number of ways. The one girl, she was just like gave those five days. And she was like, oh, shit, this guy does not care about me and

I'm going to be done with this. And this girl was like, I'm going to say one last thing and be done with it. It's like whatever you kind of need to do. There's different ways to do it. I love these emails. And then the, I think that that was it. Oh, this one, this one was just was just funny. She said, we ended our nothingness that our non-relationship was, and I just didn't talk to him for three years. I felt pretty much over him. Then we had our first real conversation in over three years, and we ended up fucking in a baseball dugout. I can't say that really means I got over him, but I felt good about it. Ha-ha. I'm just reading that because fucking in a baseball dug out of a segment one of these days, the funniest places you fuck, because we got a DM

from a girl, this girl, and she's like, it's my 20-second birthday, and I just fucked in a a winery. I just wrote her back. I think I said something like, this is an insane message to send a person, happy birthday. I said happy fucking birthday. Wear a mask. Doggy style with a mask on. Fuck with a mask on. We definitely have to do one of those segments, craziest places you had sex. But yeah, for whatever way that you can cut this off and move on from it, I think these are hard situations to move on from because like men will gaslight you and they'll say stuff like, we were never a couple. Like, why do you expect things from me? Like, I never committed to you kind of stuff. And it's like, if you're not treated the way you want to be treated, I think you should

just cut it off and move on. And I think these are like really hard. situations to end. But like, you know that you don't feel good and you know that you're not being committed to the way that you want to be. Yeah. And again, like, we're talking to the, the situations where you want to be in a relationship with this person. Because if you're just, like, having a friends with benefits, fuck buddy situation and you feel fine about it, like, that's always fine. Yeah, do it. But also, take care of yourself. If you, like, desperately want to be in a relationship and this is preventing you from being another one, get the fuck out of there. Yeah, for sure. Um, and then, I mean, can you make a man who's not your man into your man?

Again, I mean, probably not. No. Like, it's, we have other episodes on this, you know, but like, the only thing you have is like living your life and kind of pulling back a little and like, you know, letting them show you they're interested. If you just like disappear off the map for five days and they don't reach out to you at all, I think that's a pretty solid indicator. I mean, nothing is sexier than making, having somebody see that you're just like living your best life going out, that you're not dependent. end up on them for like plans or validation. That's sexy and like let them see that. And if that doesn't motivate somebody, they don't want to be with you. I also want to recognize that we like are in a

weird time right now and people are lonely and they could perhaps be giving more time and energy and like feelings and emotions to people that they normally wouldn't in a non-COVID world. You know, so I just want to at least validate that it's tough. And I think that if you are feeling lonely, you are feeling like you want companionship, intimacy, sex, a boyfriend, whatever it may be, and you see other people that are having it and you are feeling sad and jealous and lonely and you are just kind of like settling for less than you normally would. Like, I get it. I don't, I mean, it's just like, it's tough.

You know, like, I think you should put yourself first and self-care and protect your feelings and protect your energy. But we get it. We get that this might be a time in your life where you normally found. yourself to be a really strong, independent woman that takes no shit. And like, you took a little shit because we're in a pandemic. Because everything's terrible because you've been to work in four months. Yeah. Your parents are four months. Like, I'm glad that you said that. And it's, it is really true. I think that there's scenarios I've accepted. I've beat myself up on. But like, nothing is

great right now. Nothing is okay. The positive thing that I said last week also is I do think that more so than ever people really do want companionship more than I've ever seen. Like, I think that, like, people that I thought would just start, like, fucking the whole world really are just, like, dating to find their match. And I think that that's a great thing. But, like, yeah, I love that you said that. I love that, like, you just validate the, like, yeah, shit, it's kind of sucky right now. Like, there's no shame in being treated like this and a letting yourself being treated

like this because, like, we've all done that. Yeah. Yeah. But if it's not good for you, get out of it and just, like, I don't know, check out the apps or, you know, safely look for what else is out there. that could be a better situation for you. And also you don't want somebody that's bringing you down or causing you any more stress and sadness

in your life at a time like this. Hire a prostitute. Okay. I'm just kidding. You should not have strangers in your home right now. Yeah. All right. I'm excited about this segment today.

Just to follow up these situations, we asked you guys about psych or power moves in relation to a man that was the same. not your man. Yeah. You guys delivered. Of course. And we have one that took a turn.

So we have three psycho power moves and one that took a turn. She says, my man who was not my man was one of my best guy friends in college. Classic. One time sophomore year, I even pretended to fall asleep on his bed after a party at 4 a.m. So he would tell me to stay over and he still did not get the hint. Pretended to fall asleep.

Okay. How are you pretending to fall asleep at 4 in the morning? Right. Like you can just be asleep. Okay. Anyways. She was on that Tuesday Coke binge. No,

kidding. Anyways, that's not the psycho or power move part. I obsessed over him for three years. Girl, I feel like you on that. So many regrets. Our junior year, he got really close with this girl a year younger than us who was on the same abroad trip as him. I thought for sure they fucked in Italy because why the hell not? She invited him to three sorority formals date parties the next semester and I couldn't take it anymore. He wouldn't say anything about her and I needed to find out who was talking to my man who was not my man. One day, I saw her at a campus event and I had to do something. With the help of my roommate, we would, went right up to her and pretended we were taking a campus poll about dating for class,

literally took out a fucking notebook and everything. She had no idea who I was, so it was perfect. I asked her if she was in a relationship, single, or it's complicated. She said it's complicated. I couldn't even speak. I was so mad. I spent the next few months despising this girl and seeing her literally everywhere on campus.

It wasn't until the next semester I found out she actually liked my man who was not my man's roommate's roommate and was just inviting my man to everything to make the roommate jealous. woof. Girl went completely Carmen San Diego got all the wrong information that was pissed for three months. She said I still spent senior year simping over the skies.

Is that a word? Yeah, like a simp. Okay. So many regrets, but whatever. This, like, I can't, this literally reminds me of me and you. It literally reminds me of Anna and Maya from Penn 15,

that they would be like, let's go like pretend we're doing a survey. This is so duplicitous. It, like, lights me up. This took so many turns. because she didn't even, she liked the roommate. I know. I love it.

I love it. Okay, but here's my question. Like, I wouldn't have, not even just meet you specifically, would never have walked away without every answer. Yeah. Oh, my God. You would have been like, let's talk about why it's complicated. Oh, how did you guys meet? It'll be weird.

Oh, my God. What's his name? I feel like you are like the ultimate sleuth. Like, you never would have walked away from that conversation without all the details. Without knowing exactly it. Because that could have meant so many things. She just, she heard something that. told her what she wanted to believe, not wanted to believe, but something that she already

had in her mind. But also, I don't know, she's one of her best guy friends, like my close guy friends, regardless of whether I feelings for them or not, I ask them what's going on in their love life. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think also that she, I mean, she's in college, so I think you're just young. Like, maybe you're not as like comfortable asking questions because you can't get past the fact that you're in love with the person, so you're worried that like it'll come off that way. It will look like you're in love with them. Like, now, you know, I need to know everything that everyone's doing at all times, even when it has no effect on me whatsoever. I You need to know everybody's schedule and love life at all times.

Right. Okay, I am so excited about this. This girl, it's not even about her. It's what some guy did to her. Oh, my God. And she, I, like, thought that I was, like, misreading this, but no, she was so impressed by this fucked up thing, this guy did to her. She was like, I just got to give him credit.

Okay, so this is something that my man, who wasn't my man, did to me, and I don't want to give him credit, but I do kind of think it was a power moon and also freaky psycho. Okay. She calls him at the MWW.W. Man who's not my man. Man who wasn't my man. Yeah. Like, did she abbreviated it.

Okay, he never wanted to be exclusive. So an attempt to get over him, I started to date another guy. One night, my date and I went to an NBA game and had court side seats. Throughout the game, the usher kept delivering vacasotas to us and said they were, quote, unquote, from a friend. I think nothing of it. We accept the gifts. We get pretty plastered, PDA and all. When the game ended, I finally checked my phone and I saw a message from MWWM that said,

cute date looks like you enjoyed the drinks I sent you attached was a screen grab from the broadcast with me and my date clear as day behind the bench there's a few attached a photo and my date was kissing me on the forehead I was shook she has a photo of herself courtside kissing a guy right there uh huh you then you're thinking is this a lie of course because I would too yeah i want to unpack this with you for a second MWWMM lived out of state for me at the time meaning he probably had to specially stream the game in order to see me, which begs the next question, how the fuck did he know I was at the game? And who did he have to call to get the drinks sent to us at the game?

What? Literally these questions haunt me to this day. I imagine how stalkerish you have to be to capture the exact moment I was getting macked on in a screen grab. All this being said, what do you think? Psych or Power Move? Screen grab attached of the date so that you know, I know you ladies love receipts. Wait, why did he send the drinks?

He basically was like, butt hurt that she was like on a date with someone else. And he was like, I'm just going to fuck with them. And he saw them on television, court side of this basketball game and started sending them drinks. So like, listen, I don't know how he did this. This is going to haunt me. Yeah, but like, thanks for the drinks. I know. I'd be like, thanks for me.

Was the point to like get them wasted so they would start acting all silly? I don't know. I need more information. This is a crazy story. I would never believe. Also, I don't understand, like, who he called? Who did he call? Right.

Okay, but, okay, here's what I'm thinking. Games, like, two hours long. I can figure out who to call to send drinks to somebody that's sitting courts. And I can see where their seats are, their court side. That is so insane to coordinate that. Uh-huh. This guy needs to go to jail. But why didn't he, like, why spent all that money?

And also, I mean, I've never paid for drinks courtside because, like, usually and I, usually you and I are being taken to a game, but I'm going to pay for more than one's once right now. We went once. Twice. One time and I did buy around and it was not cheap. You bought that. You bought it?

Like, I don't know. I wanted a drink and I didn't want to ask our agent for money. Like, I knew that the night was on him, but there was a point where the server was there and he wasn't looking and I wasn't going to be like, hey, can I have that card? I bought two bagasota. They were like $27. Yeah, this is a, it's like a lot to unpack, but like I believe, do you believe that this happened? I guess

this would be a crazy story to make up maybe he just has like fuck you money like maybe spending $30 per drink per round just isn't that much money for him. I'm still unsure what his point was like what the end goal was like I also would have sent like shitty drinks like I would have been like send him a Tom Collins

or you know like I wouldn't have sent vodka sodas or tequila sodas because I'm like yeah send him Yeager Send him Yeager and Coke. The only thing I can deduce, yes, it's psychotic, is that that guy's like, you can't escape me. I'll find you anywhere. Okay. Like, do you think you're going to date?

He was the man who wasn't her man? Yeah, he was the man that wasn't her man, but he was like, you think you're going to date someone else, and I'll find you. I'd be like, cool. Find me literally wherever and pick up the town. Find me a per se later. Yeah, hey, here's where I'm going on my next date.

I'll send you selfies. Cover the tab. I would love this. This is the best. Chanel next week. Right. Yeah. Exactly. I'll be it to me. I could use some new luggage if you want to find me there. I'm going to be on a yacht in Miami if you want to find me there. Yeah, I'm going to be in Miami. They have a charter yacht company. Here's the info. Catch me outside. You know, it would be so crazy and weird as if you sent champagne.

Can you imagine some guys like, I'll find you anywhere. Great. Awesome. I literally can't wait. Great. And then also, I like you so we can fuck. Right. Oh, the guy that I like is stalking me and sending me drinks. This sounds amazing. I would feel like the biggest baller on earth. I'm on a date with some other dude. I'm like, yeah, that's just some guy I broke up with. Yes. I love that neither of them even asked where the drinks were coming from. Like, her broke-ass date was just like, I'll take it. Yeah. Okay. This one is another fave. She says, hi, Queens. I love you. I was seeing a guy from home. my first mistake. What? Girl, where you live? I read that too. I was like,

right. Bitch, where's home? I know. When he said he can't handle a relationship due to a psycho dad and other issues, he was very honest and respectful about it, so I wasn't really upset. After that conversation, we started sleeping together and he, okay, I can't date you. Well, fine, let's fuck. After that conversation, we started sleeping together and he reassured me it wasn't just about sex. Still had feelings for me and loved being with me and talking to me. Less than a week after we slept together and he told me all that. I saw on Facebook he got a girlfriend. This took me by surprise, obviously. He runs the local smoothie king and over the time we quote unquote dated, he told me his

customer pet peeves. So naturally my best friend brings me to his store. I ordered his least favorite smoothie to make. I took one sip and threw it in the trash can in front of him. And then later that evening I put him on blast on Snapchat for serially cheating on his exes and then the Next week I fucked one of his longtime friends. Fuck you Brennan. I could have done a lot worse and I don't feel bad that I made you cry. Let me just say. Fuck you, Brennan is the new lick at or leave, Steve.

Fuck you Brennan. Fuck you, Brennan. We're new merch alert. Fuck you, Brennan. I could have done worse. I just like, this really took me for a roller coaster because I was like, oh, you're so badass. You're into the smoothie king in order to smoothie.

And then she's like, and then I just ruined his whole life. Yeah. I know. It's so funny when I was reading this. I was like eye rolling. I was like, cool. smoothie like cold smoothie story yeah cool smoothie story um cool smoothie revenge and then it was like and then i blasted him on social media and fucked his friend right i first i'm like oh you made him

hit a button on a machine he doesn't have to clean later i feel like she did a lot and she was like i could have done worse it's like what burned down the smoothie king fucked his dad i think you did enough you're his mom now she lit the smoothie king on fire fucked his fuck his psycho dad she's like you know what You have a dad that fucked you up. I'm about to fuck him. Could have done a lot worse. It's so true. Fuck you, Brennan.

Fuck you, Brennan. Why is Brennan? I'm going to let your house on fire. I think Brennan is his name and stepbrothers. That's why it's such a funny name to me. Oh, it's so funny. Is anyone cool ever been named Brennan?

No, no. If you guys know, you guys know a cool Brennan, you don't. You don't. Okay. You don't. I feel like we're going to get no emails about this one. People like want to prove us wrong so bad,

but they can't. They're like, there they go. Generalizing based on names. And they're like, I don't know, cool Brennan. Prove us wrong. Okay. This is the last email is that this took a turn. I'm a big fan of the show and I have a perfect story for this scenario. When I was in college, I was casually dating an older Marine who was stationed near my college town at the time. Being young and naive, I fell super hard, super fast. After a few months of seeing each other, I wanted to make things officials. So one night after watching a movie, I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend. This guy broke down sobbing about how God came to him in a vision years ago and told him he was going to die in the military

so he couldn't get close to anyone. Even though we'd be talking, even though we've been talking exclusively for months, and he took my virginity, no big deal. I didn't think I'd check, make a 6-1 Marine sob in your lap off the bucket list with first heartbreak, but here I am. God came to me in a vision.

I mean, maybe you should have thought, about the fact that God told you you were going to die in the military before you took some of his virginity. Maybe you should have asked this guy like, are you hallucinating religious depictions? Can you imagine if I got broken up with like that? The excuses these men, God told me I'm going to die soon. Do you remember? I can't commit to you because God said I'm going to die soon. Do you remember in Nashville? In Nashville, Zanis two years ago, some girl told us this story that this guy said he couldn't fuck her because he felt like the Holy Ghost was in the room. Yeah. Was that the same guy that took his eyeball out? Or those two?

Were they the same? No, they were different. It's a totally different guy. I miss live shows so much. Those girls were like at the same table. We were like, you guys. At our live shows, we just have people like stand up all staggering drunk and tell us these stories. It doesn't take a long time to get there.

But yeah, this girl told us he took an eyeball out on the date. Yeah. Oh, that's right. The other guy, the Holy Ghost was in the room. The stuff that men will come up with so they do not have to commit to you is crazy. God told me I'm going to die. Yeah, God told me I'm going to die. two, we're all literally going to die.

Oh, my God. Talking exclusively her months, he took her virginity. Oh, my God. Girl, that is fucking rough. Yeah, that's brutal. Sucks. Yeah, those, and we got a ton of the funny ones on, on Instagram questions, too.

A lot of them were just, like, a lot of, like, internet stalking stuff and, like, how to get them to notice them on Instagram. And this was one that we got that I love. My friend stalks her crushes playlist on Spotify, and then we'll pick a song and post it on her Instagram story in hopes that her crush will swipe up on the story and think they like the same songs, or Power Move. Power Move all day. It's so smart to me. I was texting you this last night. I was like, if you think I'm not going to do this.

Anything you can learn about a person from internet stalking and then just casually sliding to your own Instagram stories as just like a easy softball for them to respond to you, do it. There was a meme that was like, don't guys know that women shooting their shot is posting an Instagram story you're supposed to respond to. It's so true. Like that, the last guy I like dated before all this, we met. And then I knew he was going to follow me on Instagram later that night. He did. And then I was like, okay, well, I need to follow him back so he can respond to my stories because you can only respond to my stories if I follow you. So I waited a little bit. I followed him back. Then I posted a clip from the night before, which was from the

comedy club. Sure enough, slid right in. Like you, it's like, just think about it. Like, it is a way to engage with somebody. And again, it doesn't always work. But these are things that give an opening to somebody that you're interested in. Yeah. Just give it. The men are so stupid. You just got to, like, give them a reason to respond to you. It's easy. Just pick, like, one of 19 different things they're probably into. Like, they're dumb. Just, like, pick a thing. Yeah. And this isn't, like, if you have somebody that's in the situation of your man who's not your man and they're not treating you right and they're stirring you along.

We're not talking about that. But, like, a crush, like a low-key crush that you just want to engage with. Like, these are small tips. Also, we're going to do an episode down the road about shooting your shot full in full. if your man is not acting right, then do that with somebody else. Yeah, get someone else in, okay? Go fishing for other dick. Yeah, go fishing for dick. Men are so dumb, they'll always take the bait, literally. Oh my God, two fishing references.

Yeah, I'm a sports enthusiast now. Well, I only do water stuff because I can't do park stuff anymore because of serial killers. Yeah, because you did before. You were such a camp outdoors. Do you remember the guy that I dated last summer would send me all those, photos of him like in the wilderness and I never had any response to it. He'd send me these like beautiful photos of him like hiking in Denver. Yeah. And like on the lake and like all these different animals and all this. And I just, one a week is enough for me. Like he just would send

them all the time. I like never had anything to say back. I know. Like same because I was like, you know, hook it up with his friend. And like he would send me some like beautiful scenic picture. I'm like beautiful. Would love to be there. I don't know. Like I was like cool. I literally never had any idea. Like, you and I were like driving into Denver and I was like, I don't know if I have enough like content to talk to this person about. Yeah.

Well, we ended it together. Well, he ended it. What? Raina, shut up. We did a whole episode about him called You're Not the One.

We had a double breakup. Oh, that was like a year ago. I know. It was, oh my God. It was like one year ago this week. That we, well,

no, no, like a year ago, we were still seeing them, weren't we? Him and I broke it off the right if we got back from Minneapolis. United shows in Minneapolis. First, begin in August. August, second, and third were those dates.

Today is August 3rd. And so... Oh, today. August 3rd. This is so fucking crazy. I know this August 3rd was a Saturday. That was our last show. And then, like, we broke up that week on like a Thursday or something.

So it's our anniversary weeks. I'm glad I'm talking about him. Wait. This is like coming out on August 3rd last year in Minneapolis. I'm like going to cry. we just missed touring and we miss you guys so much. I was not expecting it. I don't know.

I'm just like thinking about what we were doing a year ago. And anyway, so we're going to do another virtual live show soon, you guys. And we're going to like. So stay tuned for that. I think we should stop now. And you guys check on our brand new glam beautiful website, Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com.

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