Girls Gotta Eat - You're Speaking My (Love) Language

Episode Date: July 29, 2019

That's right, we're talking about the ever-so-important languages of love -- what the five languages mean, which ones we are, and how to get your partner to speak your language for a happier, healthier relationship. We also deep dive about cuddling (are you a Rayna or an Ashley?), and discuss the phenomenon of exes coming back into your life just to fuck it up. AND we have an extra special former guest join us to catch up on testicles, his new relationship, and play a round of Psycho or Power Move. We hope you enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @GirlsGottaEatPodcast, Rayna @OneHungryJew, and Ashley @AshHess. Check our website for tour dates and merch. Thank you to our partners for this episode: Native: Get 20% off your first purchase by going to nativedeodorant.com and entering code GGE. Rothy's: Go to rothys.com/gge to find your new favorite flats. OpenFit: Get a special extended 30-day free trial membership by texting GGE to 303030. ThirdLove: Go to thirdlove.com/gge to to find your perfect fitting bra and get 15% off your first purchase. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

He ate the leftovers and my pussy for the rest of the weekend. Like, he kept going back for more on both accounts. And I called my mom. And I was like, mom, those empanadas, they really did the trick. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. Welcome back. We're surviving this heat wave.

We were just really talking some shit. I just was like, before. departure from other days. Okay. Okay. All right. It's been really hot in New York. Do you think I've lost weight from sweating?

Okay. Let me say that. I look scary. What we have not done, you look great. Where is this dress from? This is a Ritia. This is just like some giant bag that I wear. Well, it's like, I mean, we both live in t-shirt dresses and a camo t-shirt dress. That's all I want to wear. I wear. I wear so much camo and so much t-shirt. I know you walked in. I was like, well, Rana walked in my apartment and she had almost just got hidden by a car. So Hitting. Hitten? Hitten. Hitton. I'm not okay. It's Monday. We leave again tomorrow for shows. I'm not all here. I'm not either. You almost got

hit him by a car. So what happened was Rayno was walking. Okay, guys, we have not done a summer PSA yet. I'm not fully okay. We have had a heat wave. Global warming is real. How did you, do you survive? How did you feel about the heat wave this weekend? I laid out. You did not. I laid out two days in a row. You did not. Yes, I did. That's disgusting. I put in work. I laid out until I thought I was going to actually faint laying down. Literally, they were like stay inside and you were like, I'm going to go lay outside. Yeah, exactly. But anyway, it's, end of July. We haven't talked about how much we hate summer yet this summer. So I want to just remind everybody, we hate summer. Fuck summer. And Paris. Except for my birthday. But I just get extreme heat

bugs. You're sweaty. We'll talk about our deodorant sponsor later. My hair cannot survive this. I look like a drowned rat, like a puffy drowned rat at all times. We don't get too into it. I just wanted to like make it known. Yeah. Remind everybody. Never forget summer. It's so crazy to me. Weather. Weather. weird weather. A hundred degrees here and 100 degrees in like Phoenix and Denver are like super different. Like it was 100 degrees we were in Denver and it was like not that bad. Yeah. I mean the rain has got hot takes on dry heat. It's dry heat. There's no humidity. I was like more fucking person emails me that. 95 degrees. Yes. We felt that last week in Denver and then we felt it here. Totally different thing. It takes your breath away here. Now that we've explained weather

what are we talking about. We're hard up for for content. content. Like, wow, they're really doubling down on this weather stuff. Okay. Well, they're not getting late. We are. Speaking of Denver. No, we really like, update.

Ashley was crazy last week with this guy and he's still talking to her. Yeah. I think last week on the episode, people were listening and they were like, well, that guy's never going to talk to you again. He got laid in Denver and he's never going to speak to again. Surprise. It is the number one way that I hook man is to just be a total bitch and a diva. They can't book, Why Men Love Bitches?

They can't resist. Yeah, there's literally books about it. Why Men Love Bitches and Why Men Marry Bitches. There's two books. Yeah, we've really put out like this thing about how you should like communicate, be open and honest. Just be a bitch. But anyway, yeah, I'm still talking about. He's really sweet.

He's so nice. He's sweet. It's so weird when you leave New York and you meet people that are a decent human beings. It actually is very weird. Like, I think that you become accustomed to guys that are just kind of unreliable and don't want to like, like be nice and thoughtful and to talk to you all the time. And when a guy is like wanting to text with you every day and ask questions and say nice, thoughtful things, you're like, wait a minute.

This is what it's like. It's got to be some kind of like progressive cyclical thing. Because like most people aren't from New York or like from L.A. Like all the pieces like where people are like, it's terrible to date here. Like people didn't become like that. It's like other people taught them to be like that. They came here as like nice people. Maybe.

And then they got like, I think I came here as like this bright eyed, nice little girl. And I just got like jaded down by the trash. Yeah. I just expect nothing. I'm like, oh, he's being terrible. That's so weird and different.

Yeah. And the guys that I've dated and had relationships with were great to me, you know, until they weren't. But I just haven't really experienced somebody that like really genuinely wants to like talk to me every day and see what's going on my life and say nice things and just be like such an angel. And it's nice.

It's refreshing. It's refra. I also love that, um, sentiment of like, because you and I are so public. all the time. And I think everybody on earth is so public today with their Instagram stories. It's nice when you meet somebody that just wants to talk to you about something. Like,

if you put on your Instagram story that you went to a movie, instead of them saying to you like, oh, I saw it like, why don't they just say to you like, what did you do to that? What did you think in the movie? Yeah. So he isn't on Instagram. And he goes, do you think this is a good thing or a red flag? And I said, it's definitely not a good thing. I hate it. I hate it because memes are my love language. I'm not saying it's a red flag. It's not a good thing. That's not a good thing. I'm not like impressed by people that are like, I don't own a T-D.

I don't think he's trying to be super alternative counterculture, whatever you want to call it. I just, whatever reason, we can stop talking about this guy, but I love that you already just teased our topic today. We are talking about the love languages.

People have asked for this topic a lot. I'm really excited to do it. Yeah, but we'll get to it a minute, but I want to hear what you have something that happened to you. I just thought it was like really funny. I was thinking about like men and the only time that they have a sixth sense. And men's six cents is knowing when you are happy with someone else it isn't them.

It's just like, buzz, buzz, it's me and I'm here to fuck up your life. They literally have no intuition on anything else. And that intuition is rock solid. Like, they know. Oh, my God. I had a, well, sorry, go ahead. We were like, we were in Denver. We had like one of the best shows we've ever had.

I had sex a whole bunch of times that night. I wake up the next morning I go back to our place I'm like laying a bed and this guy who I was like for all intents and purge like very crazy about for like a year

like fucked me up so bad finally got distance from him finally I'm in this place where he's over him could not be more over this person he's asked me to hang out twice in the last like month and a half and I've just been like no

oh my God I love it so much I'm getting wet thinking about you turning him down I'm just like I mean for whether it was intentional or not all this did the guy did was fuck with me and I finally am like I don't even have an interest in like seeing how bad it's going to be to like be around him I just don't care at all and after I got home I'm sitting in our place and he called me and I was like you really it's like you're like she

must be happy she must have had a good show last night gone laid met somebody that she likes oh I'll just can I call her can I fuck that up for you yeah he did it before he did it right when you started talking this guy remember and you like at the very beginning he hit you with like a text or something. Like, he knows. It was like four days after that. Yes. He was like, do you want to do something? I, oh my God, I totally forgot that. Yes. They do. You're so right.

They know. They know. I had an experience where something really bad happened with my ex. It really fucked me up. You know, this is right around when I met you. And he was with somebody else. Whatever. I'm not going to get into it. I was kind of fucked up from it. I had finally moved on. Like, finally was over in a good relationship. And I had blocked him on everything. everything and he, and then somehow he was still watching my shit from one of his like Finstas, whatever. I was in Miami and I posted an Instagram story with this guy who I eventually did an updating in Miami. I had him in one Instagram story and we were kind of flirty in this

Instagram story. I had no idea my ex would even be watching. I thought I had blocked him on everything or he had blocked me and he called me at like four o'clock in the morning. I saw this miss call. I was like, what? I had literally just got done fucking this dude. And he's with somebody else. Like he had a girlfriend. So I'm just like, you know that you just got me all fucked up. And I'm trying to get over this whole situation. And you're with somebody new, but you're going to watch my Instagram story from some secret

account and then call me at 4 o'clock in the fucking morning. And then he kept stalking me and seeing that I started to date this guy. And that's when he would send me these texts of saying, like, I miss you and I still think about you all the time. And I was just like, you have a girlfriend. Like this is so crazy. So that's when I had to be like, I am blocking you where I'm going to like tell your girlfriend.

but I just, he could, like, feel it. They always know. I swear to God, this has happened to me multiple times. The last time I got to a serious relationship, the guy who I'd been, like, obsessed with who, like, couldn't give me the time of day, showed up, wanted to go to a bar, was like, I'm ready, I'm ready to do this.

And I was like, how did you know that I just met somebody that I was like eventually lived with for three years? Like, how do they know? They always know. But you know what, you know what the best feeling is, and we've talked about this recently, is like, when you are so over them, and it's just so validating.

because for me, then I think you too, like when I'm done with somebody, I am done. Like, there was a guy I was pretty smitten with earlier this year. And oh my God, if he walked in the door right now as hot as he is and was just like, you know, I fucked up. I want to try to make this work. I'd be like, ew. This is, I'm, I shut it down. It's like a switch. I turned it off.

It's a switch. I think women all have it. I think it's also like a sign of maturity where you're just like, oh, you have completely displayed to me who you are and I'm going to believe you. And I'm done with this now. Yeah. It's the best feeling the entire world. Oh, it's so good. Yeah. So, yeah, that happened. I thought that was funny. I love that. I mean, we posted that me a while ago. It's like, I've heard you were happy. Can I fuck that up for you? Yes. How do they know? I mean, sometimes they're secretly stuck in your Instagram, but otherwise, how do they really know? It's probably Instagram. You're right. But like, before Instagram, how did they know the universe? You just feel buzz, buzz, buzz. It's me. You're to fucking all for you. healthy. Here I am. All right. Well, speaking of live shows, just to update you guys, we are on our way to Canada. We will update you next week on how it was. We can't wait to be there. And then we have

lots of live shows coming up for you guys. Minneapolis is, so this is Monday. So it's this coming week. We have some tickets left for Saturday night, August 3rd. All kinds of really fun stuff in the Midwest and the Southeast. Atlanta. Oh, my God. You guys were rabid. We can't wait. Atlanta's probably almost sold out. it might be. And then we have Charleston, Charlotte. These are all over the board. These are not an order. Columbus, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Detroit. Stupid Live Shows.com, GirlsGuddy Podcast.com. And we are just so excited about all these shows. Yeah. Okay. Topic today. Love Languages. You guys must have asked for this a lot. I'm excited to do this. I mean, I could talk about love languages

forever. I feel like that was maybe the first, one of the first relationship books. that changed my life. Did you actually read the book? Yeah. The full book. I remember who I was dating at the time. And it was such a game changer to understand it in that relationship. If you guys don't know what we're talking about,

it's a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. And it breaks down like the different way that people express love. There's the Five Love Languages and then there's the Five Love Languages for Singles. I mean, they're just kind of like, they're a little different. I might have read both. One's like designed when you're in the relationship and one's like your, your, your, you're single. They're the same thing, same premise. Yeah. You can read any of them. But we'll talk about what our love languages are and how to deal

with them in a relationship when you've different love languages with somebody else and how to communicate that, when to walk away and all that stuff. So I think it's super interesting. Oddly enough, I actually had never read this book. I had heard of the love languages when I was breaking up with somebody. He brought it up, the most unemotionally in-tuned person I've ever met. I broke up with him and he was like, yeah, I just feel like, you know we have different love languages. And I was like, you accessed an emotion? What? You know what's the... the love languages are. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Now, you wait till now, till today. I'm breaking up with you. You're going to bring this up to me. Yeah. I might have saved the

relationship. Had he brought up sooner. I mean, yeah. And also, if you read the book, you will pretty much know what you are. But then at the end of the book, there's a quiz. So, and I'm sure that's online at this point. But yeah, the books are designed. So, like, you're reading it. And it's really kind of eye-opening. And there's just such a ton of great information. And then there's, like, a quiz to figure out, like, what your actual love language is. Yeah, there's tons of stuff online. I was looking them up. So there's lots of quizzes. Should we go through them just so people know what they are? Yeah. So there's five of them. So the first one is words of affirmations. So just expressing affection through spoken words,

acts of service. So what would you say like an act of services? Act of service. It's, I mean, it's people that use their actions. So, I mean, it can be anything from cooking dinner to like fixing your car. Like I think my dad is like such a prime example of acts of service. Like he just like, wants to do everything. You know, he wants to like take care of the house, take care of the cars, take care of the farm. And that was, I'll get to that. That was my exes, like, long term, off and on long distance ex that I talk about sometimes. That was like his by far. And this book kind of changed the game when I realized like, oh my God, he's like showing his love and I'm not even realizing. And just wanting to do something for somebody to make their day easier. I think it's

a more masculine trait. Some of these, I think, lend itself more to men versus women. I think a lot that. That is the one. I think that that is probably the most masculine. Yeah. Receiving gifts, which is probably everybody's last love language, but I mean, it's gifts. Gifts, yeah, gift. I think when you hear that, you think, like, expensive gifts, you know, like, oh, I don't need that. I don't need, like, a sugar daddy that's buying me, like, watches and cars and handbags. But I think it's more just, like, tokens of appreciation and stuff like that. Like, I think you know you have those friends or those people in your life, people that you've dated that, like, always want to bring you back something from their travels or they want to bring you home something.

I mean, I think even flowers and stuff like that. I think a lot of people express how they feel with physical things. Yeah. And little stuff, I'm with you. I don't think it has to be a big thing. I had an ex used to always buy me flowers when I'd come back in town from a trip. Yeah. And like, I just really liked that.

Yeah. And then the last two, quality time and personal touch. Quality time, I think, is probably big for both men and women. Oh, yeah. It's a big one for me. I think is, I mean, all these are kind of big for me. Yeah, quality time is my number one. Quality time is obviously spending, the keyword is quality.

so is it's not your extra time. It's like your prioritizing time. I think that quality time is right in lined with the word prioritizing to me. And it's like not that like someone gives you their time at the end of the day when they're tired and so they can check the box and be like, well, we hung out. It's like, well, we watched a movie and you fell asleep. Like it's your top priority time that you choose to spend with somebody. That's a good point. I have a friend who, or we have a friend who constantly complains that like when she sees her man, it's at the end of the day and he's always tired and half sleep so she like makes him dinner and he goes to bed. Yeah. That's like that quality time together. Yeah.

She was like, I want to talk. I want to like enjoy each other. Right. Totally. And the last one is physical touch. So pretty self-explanatory, but like handholding, obviously like sex and affection, you know, laying on the couch, putting your arm around somebody, that kind of stuff. Yeah, and like PDAs too. So when you're in public. And most people have, everybody has a primary and a secondary and a secondary. And that's kind of what the quiz in the book tells you. And that's

kind of what the book is based around, that you have your primary and your secondary, and then most people do all of them at some, on some level. And they change as a relationship morph. Okay, so if you could list yours, so if time together is the number one, like, what is the rest of them for you? Okay. I think it's quality time is number one beyond. That's how I'm with my friends, family, people that I'm dating.

It's just like super important to me. I just, it's like that priority time. Probably just words of affirmation. I think that's important because I'm a verbal. person, we talk for a living. You know, I think it's knowing how someone feels is like super important to me. I think communication is like so, so important. Then I feel like it's like acts of service and physical touch or tied.

Acts of service I really do get off on like when people do stuff for me. I think it's really great. I think it's really sexy. Like, well, we say that you should be with somebody that makes your day better and like easier. Easier, yeah. Little things. Yeah, like reminding you to get your car fixed or like doing it for you. Going to get you gas.

Like to come. Like if I've had guys that, you know, they borrow your car. It's like, you fill it up. That's like a really nice thing to do. It comes back. It should be like a full tank. It's a really, really thoughtful thing to do. Cooking, I think is one.

And then, I mean, last for me is gifts. Like, I love like little tokens of appreciation. I think like, I always quote the line from the breakup. Like, every girl likes flowers, Gary. Like, yeah, we do. But I just don't, I don't, it's not necessary. And like in New York City, the less shit you have, the better. I always say to Ashley, like, I don't want more stuff.

Yeah. I don't want more stuff. I never, for years, I didn't really know that I, how much I liked physical touch. And I do, it's a tricky one for me. I'm not really touchy, feeling, but I am more in a relationship. Like, I think you'd be surprised the way that I act when I'm like fully in a relationship, comfortable in love with somebody committed. My ex used to call me the koala.

Like, I just wouldn't let go. How do you feel about PDA? I like it when I'm there with somebody. Like a too soon PDA, I'm hugely turned off. if we're just like casually dating, you know, light touches here and there, but I don't want a guy to like be all over me and almost feel like he's trying to be like territorial if we're not even like in a committed a relationship. I like PDA. Territorial is a good way to look at it. Yeah. I don't want to be like, I'm sorry. I think when people are like at a bar and they're like

making out like crazy things a little trashy and I don't like it. You literally did that last week. I was drunk. Okay. I know, but how do you know people are drunk? I think most people are making out after 1 a.m. That's fine. You were literally sitting at a bar making out. That's what I want to do after 1 a.m. Okay, before 1 a.m. I don't want to do it. But I feel like, I want people to know the we're dating. Like, if I'm in the room with you, I don't want people, I want people to know that we're together. Yeah. Like, and I don't need you to, like, finger bang me in front of other people. But, like, I think that, like, a touch on the leg or like, yeah, like on the shoulder or something, I, like, I prefer that. Yeah. I don't want somebody to, like, stiff arm me. For sure.

physical touch is not my love language with literally anybody except the person I'm dating, somebody that I'm really, really into. Like, I don't, not touch you with my girlfriends. Like, a lot of girls are, like, very touchy. I don't want to be, like, touched and stroked by my girlfriends. I don't want to, like, cuddle with my girlfriends. Like, I think a lot of people are like that. Like, I'm not really touchy feeling with my family too much.

Like, it's just, that's just kind of how I am. I think I've made that pretty clear that I'm, like, a little prickly. But with a person I'm dating, I, I really do appreciate it. it. But I think that also probably makes the person you're dating feel like it's a little more special if it's only located to just them. Also, like, I don't know if we mentioned this before, the love languages are, it's like how you show it and how you like to receive it. And it's not always totally the same. And that's a lot of things that you learn in the book of like what you prefer and then what you're like putting out into the world too. That's a good point. Yeah. And we'll talk

about like how those things match up or how they can ruin a relationship in my case. But I'm probably like a lot of females. I like a lot of words of affirmation. I think that like I'm a pretty confident person. I don't need to hear every single day you look so pretty. But like I want somebody to tell me that they're proud of me. And I think that that is really, really important to me. And I always give that to my partner also. So it's important to me to receive it. It's probably a toss up for me, physical touch and quality time. I really like somebody that's going to like put their hand on my leg and we're out together. I mean, sex is very important to me, but I like somebody that's like touchy feeling with me. I really enjoy that.

I don't want it too soon. But like, I'll forego that for quality time. Like, I've had long-distance relationships I was perfectly happy with. And I'll even take, like, a phone call at the end of your day and just, like, run through where you're going, like, what you did today. And to me, that's still like quality time, even if you're not together. Yeah. That somebody like, like, last night, I didn't

necessarily want to, like, make time for somebody. I was like running errands, but I did. You know, I think that that's, like, important just to pick up the phone. Yeah, for me that the last things are access service and gift giving. access service. Yeah, I just want somebody to make my day a little bit easier. But I think I'm like a really self-sufficient person and I've been single for a while.

So I think I just don't need those things, maybe as much as other people might. Yeah. Because I've just been alone for so long. Yeah. So I've learned how to be really self-sufficient. So those are probably my last things. But I try to work on if another person needs those things being the kind of person that can give that to them. Yeah.

And I mean, I think just in any relationship, we've said this over and over and over, is doing stuff to make your partner's day easier. So, I mean, if someone is never doing anything for me, I mean, I'm, I think that's a red flag. Absolutely. And like, I can't be out here being like, I don't know. I just access service isn't for me. It's like, it should be for everybody. Like, it should be across the board.

Like, anything you can do to help out your partner when they are in need should be a no-brainer. I remember this time I was in, I was in Singapore and I was going to, I was going to Vietnam and I didn't buy the visa I was supposed to buy. And I was in the airport in a sheer panic. I could not get on the flight. I was going to miss my flight. And my boyfriend at the time was like, yeah, that sucks. Like, I want my

person to like jump on the internet, help me figure out how to get his visa. I'm in a country where I don't speak the language. I'm like beside myself. Yeah. To not have somebody be like, yes, I have great internet right now. I'm in the United States. I'm going to help you right now. Like, I fully fully broke up with him the next day. Yeah. I was, and yeah, that's because it's somebody who had done this kind of thing to me

25 times. Yeah. But like I was so mad because all my other girlfriends were like, how can I help you? How can I make your day easier? Like, I'm in a sheer panic. They're like, how can I calm you down? It's really important. Yeah. Like, right, exactly. At least being, even if there's nothing you can do to at least say, what can I do for you? I think it's like so important. I I think my favorite love language story is like I said, I dated this guy, met at the end of college. We dated for years on and off long distance. And this is, I don't even remember. I read the book somewhere.

Maybe we were off. Maybe we were on whatever. I read the book and it like was so mind-blowing to me to be like, oh my gosh, this guy may not be super touchy-feely. He may not be expressing his emotions to me so much. Quality time is a little bit difficult because we're long distance. But like he wants to always do stuff for me. Like I get it now.

It makes so much sense. Like acts, he is acts of service beyond. And I took that in mind. And when he came to visit me the next time I cooked him dinner and I don't cook a ton. I got these, this empanato recipe for my mom. They're not like your traditional small intemate. They're these big flour things. They're so good. My mom always makes them. I got the recipe. I spent all day like slaving away and cooked him this dinner. I had like margaritas. I had this whole kind of like Mexican themed dinner and it was delicious. And he could not

get me into the bedroom to go down on me fast enough. He had never gone down on me. He had never gone down to me. And I mean, we're younger. I mean, at this point we're probably like 22, 23. Like, We had sex. It wasn't great. But, you know, it was a pretty standard relationship, but he had not eaten my pussy. And he did that night for eponitis. Yes.

Like, I think he felt so loved. And he was like, I'm going to, like, get this girl off. It was crazy. Like, I couldn't even believe it because I could just maybe he doesn't eat pussy. I mean, you're also young. You don't really know. You know, there's a whole lot less information about sex out there way back in my day.

So I had never thought of it as such a red flag. and I mean, I cooked in those empanadas and it was on. You were like, what's the sexiest food I can make? Empanadas. And he ate the leftovers and my pussy for the rest of the weekend. Like he kept going back for more on both accounts. And I called my mom and I was like, mom, those empanadas, they really did the trick. Your mom is the craziest relationship.

I told my mom everything. I called my mom and I was like, I made that beef stew that you told me about. and I had six orgasms afterwards. She would never talk to me again. She wouldn't. No. She'd be afraid to like come back into the water ever. She doesn't listen to his podcast.

Yeah. Very different relationships with our moms. Oh yeah. I know. I was just telling my mom about the sex in Denver. I mean, we like talk about everything. But yeah.

So that was like such an eye opener for me. Like for me, I feel so strongly about the love language is because I read the book. I realized this thing. I did the thing. Fucking worked. Like ever since that I'm like,

God damn. and this is so accurate. And I always think about it. It is always in my head. And guys that I've dated seriously afterwards, it's a conversation that you have. I think it's also become this quirky thing. Like, what's your love language?

There's like a meme culture surrounding it. But I want to know, I think you can figure out, especially once you grow up and you're just older and more in tune. Like you can get, you figure it out. But I'm always down to ask somebody. I think that you probably figure it out pretty quickly. I think that like the cool thing about what you did is you were like, this isn't really like my thing.

and I'm going to do it for him. And that's probably why it made him eat your pussy because he was like, this is really outside of her wheelhouse to like make up and not. She is thinking outside the box. So I'm going to get in her box. I think it's really easy to figure out what your own love languages are.

But I think most people are like, okay, but like how do I communicate to another person what I need? And like tell them what I'm looking for if it's not like super intuitive to them. And I think that you have to be like be patient with people because I think that it's just like not super intuitive to all people to like touch you in public.

or like give you a compliment or for you to like give an active service. And I think that like that's not, that doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you a selfish, shitty person. It's just, it's not what you're accustomed to. I think you should be patient with people.

And until you can't anymore, like communicate to them in a very nice way. Like, hey, I'm kind of looking for a little more of this maybe. Right. Yeah, I think that like what people are like,

yeah, I know what my love language is, but like how do I tell my partner what it is? Right. Get them to do a thing that I need. Yeah. Right. Like other people want to receive it differently too.

Right. I mean, you know, with guys, you just have to like, when they do what you want, just like, give them blowjobs. Give them blow jobs. Praise them. Like, they're just kind of easy. They weren't easily trained than you would think. You just have to kind of like treat them like children, like, or like dogs.

Like when you train a dog with treats or children with like positive reinforcement. Yeah. And I think that like. I think so highly of men. I think that we like make fun of them a lot. But you can't expect people to be mind readers. And you can't expect to know how other people feel. So I was like with this guy the other.

day and I was like, sort of like laying on him in public and he wasn't really like giving me much back. And when we laughed, he was like, oh, I liked it that you were like like that in front of your friends with me. And I was like, oh, I wouldn't have known because you didn't seem that into it. Yeah. But I thought that was interesting that he like enjoyed it but didn't express it as much. And like, I'm not a mind reader to know that he liked that because for me I'd be like, oh, I'm not going to do this anymore. Yeah.

And I don't think it's fair to expect our partners to know exactly what we need. So I think that you can communicate it. I had a situation with somebody, I mean, a situation was like a very long relationship. was someone who I just kind of noticed in the beginning. It was long-distance relationship, and he would stay with me for a few days every time he'd come into town. And I'd really go out of my way

to make sure that I had the food that he wanted, and then my apartment was super clean, and I'd wear, like, cute little outfits I thought he would like. And he never, ever said before we went out, like, you look nice. Or I'd tell him stuff that I had going on. And, like, for example, I was, like, trying to get this job. And I had, like, struggled so hard to get this job.

I'd done four interviews. It was over the course of a month. It was, like, killing me. I finally got the job. and instead of being like super excited for me, he said, yeah, I knew you would get that. Yeah. And I was like so disappointed by the reaction

because I really want like verbal affirmations that you're proud of me or that you think I look nice. I'm not so insecure I need it every five minutes, but like I need it. Yeah. Like any person. And so in the beginning, I tried to be like,

hey, I sort of noticed that you never say anything to me about the way I look or like my job or anything like that. And that's kind of odd to me. And I tried to say in like a nice way. I tried to say it in a nice way a bunch of times. Right. And I think that, you know, you should give your partner the opportunity to start communicating with you the way that you want.

And he just flat out refused to do it. Yeah. And then it became this like really shitty cycle of like, I try to lead by example also, which I think is important. So like maybe if you're not getting it from somebody, you think, okay, well, I should start doing this for them and maybe they'll pick up on it. So I would say to him like, I'm really proud of you.

I think it's so great what you're doing. He's still like refused to reciprocate. Yeah. And then I started to like withhold break. is on purpose. Right. And I think it became this like shitty cycle where like he'd do something that really was deserving of praise and I just wouldn't say it. I'd like withhold it just to be nasty. And it's this like terrible cycle that's hard to break. Yeah. And I think that like you should communicate as much as possible on the road that way before it gets like that. Right. When I think about

men and men and women, if you're just not like a touchy-feely person and you never have been and this person really needs that, like it's tough. But I think that we're all. all were dynamic human beings that can change and evolve over time. So I don't know. I feel like if you're like, my partner really wants me to do this thing, I think, and you really care about them and you want to make it work, I think you should work on it. But if you feel totally unnatural doing it and this person really needs it, maybe you're just not a match. What would you do? Like you say you're not very like physical. Like how do you feel when somebody wants you to like touch them in public? I don't know. I'm so weird about the physical thing. I,

I'm physical with the person I'm dating. Like, I just am, you know, like, I remember a point in my relationship with an ex of mine where I was like, we are literally doing all the love languages all day long. We are perfect. Like, I'm just like, everything's there. I do stuff for him. He does stuff for me. We got the quality time. We got the words of affirmation. We got the gifts. He's bringing me flowers. We got the physical touch. Like, I remember being out of bar with him. And he just was like, had his arm around me and his hand on my leg. And I'm just like, oh, we are perfect. We are nailing it out on every front. And I think when you really are in like such a great place with somebody and you're like, everything's aligned. Obviously, it didn't work out. But I mean, as far as

the physical touch goes, I don't know. Like, I wouldn't want somebody that never wanted to touch me in public. Like, it's especially really important to me. I mean, if you go to like a fancier event, you know, I just want someone to have his hand on the small on my back or, you know, I don't need someone to ever open a car door for me. But every once in a while on a date night, it's, it's fun. And there's different, like, cute things like that that I appreciate, but I don't want someone to smother me. I think it's a fine line. I'm just trying to think, like, I really like physical touch. But like you said, hand on the small of my back. We take a walk. You hold my hand. I don't know how I would deal with it if somebody was like physically uncomfortable doing it.

That doesn't make them the devil. But like, I don't know. If somebody refuses to touch me in public, like I don't like it and I take it personal. I don't feel like this is not a big deal. I feel like it's personal. Yeah. Like you're embarrassed of me. And that's probably not the case. Yeah. And when I'm in a place of being in love with somebody, being in a relationship with somebody, I mean, I want to hold hands and I want to do all that stuff too. And I don't know, I've never, I feel like I haven't really totally encountered that where the guy just wouldn't do it.

Yeah. You know, I just think that if somebody isn't giving you the love language you want, you can ask yourself, like, what are they giving me? And how are they trying to show love? Because like this particular guy, like, yeah, no words of, no verbal affirmations. But like, like, I remember, like, I said to him. What did he do?

So, what did he do anything? Yeah, he did. So, like, I said to him, like, I just feel like you never say that you're excited to see me or, like, that you're proud. of me and like that you're excited to be around me and like really hurt my feelings. And he said, how can you say that? Every time you come here, I go out of my way. I plan all these things for us. I have concert tickets for us and festivals and I make reservations of places I think that you're

going to like. And, you know, I make plans of my friends. I get baseball tickets so that like we can do stuff that you're going to like. How can you say that you think I'm not excited? And he thought in his mind that he, that's how he showed his love to me. Yeah. And those are really nice special things, you know, that like he would find a museum exhibit, he thought. I liked. Yeah. And make dinner reservations ahead of time. And that's how he showed me love.

It's just, I don't know. Like, I personally don't need the dinner reservation. I'd rather you just tell me I look pretty and hold my hand and take a walk. Right. And so you guys were not a match. Not at all. And so that's what exactly what you're saying. I think is what people might want to know is like, we are so not on the same page.

I'm like, you might not be a match. Like, I don't think it should always be a struggle. I really don't. I think that if you tell somebody, hey, I could use a little bit more of this and they step up to the plate. But if you are totally not communicating on any of those. levels. I just don't know that you're supposed to be together. And I don't, I don't know. I think maybe you just call it. You know, like if you are not meant to be with that guy, it's so apparent,

like you are a person that needs those things. And you wouldn't match with somebody that just wasn't built that way. Totally. And I just didn't work. So I still always say that the right relationships should be easier. Like, they shouldn't be a struggle and you shouldn't be pushing while the other person's pulling and budding heads and things like that. And I think this kind of falls along the same lines. But I think that the best type of relationships are ones where you make your feelings known and you say this is what I'm looking for in a relationship and the person just does it. Yeah.

I mean, you should always give a person the opportunity to give you what you need. And like you're so right. That person just wasn't a match for me. And like I saw it spiraling into a really bad place. Like I saw myself purposely not doing things just to be a bitch. Yeah. And that is a terrible way to be. And we just called it, you know?

Yeah. And I remember when I broke up with him and I just said like, I think this is sort of run its course and I'm not in love with you and I don't think you're in love with me and I don't think it's ever going to be like that. And he said, yeah, I think it's great that we have this conversation now

before we're doing terrible things to each other and hurling insults at each other and we had this like super mature and then he brought up the love languages. We had this super mature conversation and we're still friends to this day and like I like I remember like I was traveling a lot and a couple people had asked me out at a date

and I thought to myself like, oh my God, I just like want to be on a date with somebody that like holds my hand and tells me how great I am Like I remember thinking like, I could just cheat on this person. I can get the things that I want from somebody else and get the things that he gives me from him. And I never, ever wanted to do that. And so like we just called it.

Yeah. And I think that, yeah, I mean, all you can do is just try to get it from somebody. Yeah. Yeah. At the end of the day, it should be easy and it wasn't. Right. And I mean, as far as the ones that are my two primary, the quality time, also just to stress, like quality time, the keyword there is quality.

That's why it's such a big thing for me. Like, I don't have tons of time. For me, it is quality over quantity. So I think there's a difference there with people that are just like, they want to spend all their time with you versus like, let's just like prioritize our time together. Like I think set date nights is a huge thing to do in a relationship. I think it is like one of the best things you can do is our date night is Monday or date night is Thursday, whatever it is.

That is like the prime indicator of quality time. You prioritize that time. You make plans in advance. The words of affirmation, if I have dated a few guys that just weren't really open about how they felt and they weren't really communicative. They were probably showing their love and affection other ways and we just weren't a match. I'm probably never going to be able to be with somebody that's not really self-aware that doesn't communicate openly. It's just not for me. It's just how I am. Yeah. So it's just going to, we're just going to kind of butt heads and you kind of know that going in.

I don't think I could try to change somebody that wasn't ever openly expressing their emotions and their feelings and doing words of affirmation and change them into the guy for me. I mean, I think that you can, relationship should make you grow and make you better. and healthier. But like if what the person is asking of you is just something that's not innate to you and they're just constantly fucking nagging you, like I just nagged him all the time. Yeah. Like I was, I mean, it got to the point I was like, you just never tell me I look pretty.

You never tell me you're proud of me. You're never excited about anything. And like, he was like, I can't have this fucking conversation anymore. Yeah. Like, and I don't blame him. Like, you can't just base on a person all the time about their shortcomings. Like, they're going to either change naturally or they're not. But you can't just spend every day being like, like, you're not like this and I don't

like it. Yeah, you need to break up. Yeah. Also, you should have, everybody should read this book. I actually think, I think I got that guy to read this book, actually. I think it's important. It's an easy read. Yeah, it's super, you fly through it and you can skim it and get the idea.

But I think it's, that's one of those things. It's cheaper than therapy that you can be like, I just don't feel like we're communicating. And there's this whole concept of love languages that they don't really know what that is. And like, maybe you can read this book and we can discuss it. because it's eye-opening to some people. Yeah, and I think that sometimes, like, men, it's not that they don't want to communicate either. They just don't have the language.

Yeah. Nobody taught them, men don't sit around and talk about this stuff with their friends. It's so true. When he told me that we had different love languages, I was like, what girl fucking told you that? How'd you learn that word? Oh, my God. And he was like, I was talking to like a girlfriend of mine.

I was like, oh, I'm talking about our relationship to a girlfriend of yours. Yeah. What's her name? Yeah. I just think that there is definitely, a way to be straight up open and honest and have these conversations and be like, can you read this book? And I, you know, I recommend that too. But I think you can show men, and I'm speaking, because I'm speaking to women here because most of you guys are listeners or women, like show men that

positive reinforcement when they, when they do things. Like I think, I was talking about this with with our friend Bobby, second impression Bobby the other day of like, I think men need compliments and positive reinforcement in their ego strokes so much more than women realize. Like I don't think it, I think you can be kind of bitchy and be a diva like me, but I think you have to balance it with like compliments and like making a man feel wanted and feel good about himself and stuff like that. And I think sometimes women forget that that's important to them too.

If you really want this thing, let's say you want flowers or you want physical touch or you want this thing, like let them know how much you appreciate it. I can't stress that enough. Like I think every relationship should be given take, but I think showing appreciation on both sides is so why. wildly important. I'm glad you said that. You know, like if you, I really love when people bring me coffee in the morning, I've said up again, that is like, is my love languages. That's my sixth love language is like bringing me

coffee in the morning. And oh my God, any guy that's ever done that, it's like, drop your pants. You know, like, thank you so much. You're so hot. Oh my God. Get in this pussy. Like it's just like, no, I'm just kidding. Or just like compliments and thank you and appreciation I think is so key. And I think that's the easy way to start is like getting your partner to speak to you in this language and showing them how much you appreciate it. Yeah. I feel like everybody, I totally agree. And I think that like you should always acknowledge when somebody does something nice for you and not think that it's just coming to you. And I think that everybody just wants to feel needed at the end of the day. Yeah. You know, like I don't necessarily need somebody, but like when I'm in a relationship,

like I want to feel like they need me for certain things, whether it's like confidence or cuddling or whatever it is. I want to feel neat and I think there's different ways to express that and you should absolutely say thank you when you get it. I feel like you said cuddling so now I want to talk about cuddling. I love cuddling so much. I cannot get enough of it.

I want to, I do. I want to be touched all the time. Like the koala bear. I am and it's funny because like people always like you must have grown up in like a touchy household. My mom, it's so weird hugging her. Like we just don't hug. Yeah. Like my mom. That's why you're like that. Yeah. My mom is like acts of service. She is like the best person in a crisis, but like she won't hug you.

Yeah. Or I tell you that she's proud of you. Maybe that's why I needed so much from other people. Okay, let's talk about cuddling. Well, you do, you are like super affectionate even like with your girlfriends. And like I think we were like in, we were in Atlantic City and you and like Louisa or or Lee or somebody you guys were like all like touchy and like rubbing each other's arm. I'm like, never do that to me. I would never touch you. Sometimes I'll cuddle up to Kate because she's kind of prickly too. So it's like, we're fine. I know she's not going to get too emotional on me. But, like, I'm just not, I'm just not like that.

Cuddling. I love intimacy. I really do. I love to be close to somebody to be, like, all wrapped up and tangled and, like, legs and arms together. But then we got a part way to go to sleep. You got, Ken, who was out here spooning until they fall asleep? Me.

You are? I slept, like, all week. I slept like spooning and holding hands all week. Actually, he threw up in her mouth. No, no, no, no, no. No, I told you that the guy that I slept with was physically affectionate. I thought it was really sweet. It was just too hot to do so.

So if you're going to touch you, it has been air condition. But I felt like he wanted to have like a hand on me, like hold my hand, which I really think is cute. I felt like this is, I don't deserve this. Like, I'm a bad person. You're too sweet for me. Like, you really want to make sure we're like touching it all times. It's very cute. I like to be touched all times.

Or like if your feet touch or your hands touch, like, yeah, I've definitely been in bed with guys where I'm like, you stay on that side of the kingbed. We can hold hands from across our side. I need that. I totally forgot that. My ex-ed lived with her three years. We would like cuddle and he would always stay up later than me and I'd roll over to go to sleep, but I always liked a part of his body to touch me.

To touch. Yeah. And that's fine too. Also, a lot of this is based on the temperature in the room. I mean, like, when I was in Denver and we were in, I was in bed of that guy, if he even put like an arm on me, it was, I could feel the heat. And I was like, I'm so sorry, you can't touch me. I do like waking up with somebody snuggling because it's the quickest way to slip into sex.

Yeah. It's the best way to slip into lazy sex. I don't even have to move. I know. It is nice. Love morning sex. I am such that person that's like we can be, we can lay here and be like all wrapped up in each other and then like, but we're going to have to roll away. Because I got to get some sleep.

Get out of here. Don't cuddle 24 hours a day. I will receive words of affirmation and cuddling at all times. Words of affirmation. I mean, come on, guys. You know, my dirty talk is telling me how great. Tell me you're pretty. Telling me how great I am.

I thought it would be funny to talk about 2019 love language, which is like, which is Instagram likes, comments. That's it. Just Instagram. Just show me your love on Instagram. Wait, hold on. I want to change these for 2019. Okay. So we have comments of affirmation.

Acts of service. You like my Instagram post. No, you send me a meme. that's gift giving. Acts of service, you postmate food. Axis of service is Spotify playlist to me because you're like, you're servicing my day. Like if I need something Zen, like after I almost got hit by that car earlier,

somebody sent me a Zen playlist. I like that. We have a really good, spoiler alert, Spotify playlist, Psycho or Power Move coming in hot in a few. I don't know this one. I'm so excited. Yeah, it's from Jenny Jones. She sent it, I can't wait.

I think gifts, acts of service, I think all this stuff can best be expressed in snacks. I can't express enough how guys should be getting girls snacks at all times. If you just walk in when we have a date or whatever and you have just a snack pack of Doritos, that cost you 50 cents. Do you understand how far that goes? I think. And yeah, like Instagram comments, I do like when I'm dating somebody, like I do kind of want them to be all over my Instagram. It really gets me going. That's how they can show pride and what I'm doing is liking a photos, lame emojis.

Yes. If I am deep throading two microphones on stage, I think you should like that photo and comment on it. That's my girl. Yeah. Like I remember like that guy, I talked about him earlier, that I was kind of smitten with a guy earlier this year.

And he was so flirty with me on my Instagram, like very open about the flirtation. Yeah. And I loved it. I loved it. I just like the guys were like, hey, I'm out here. Like I don't care of other people know.

I love it. much. It's such a turn on. It's just like, if you're not doing that, like, what are you doing? Yeah. I don't know. I know it sounds like petty, but I'm like, what are you trying to hide? Well, also, some people aren't, some people aren't big on social media, but they're active on social media and they're not like showing you the love. Like, I don't, I don't like it. I just think it's, I mean, to me, if you're active on social media and if you're like in Jen Seltter's photos and not mine, what's going on? Exactly. Okay. Well, I think we can end our love language discussion with Instagram, as it should be. And we have a real.

special guest. So without further ado, this is big. This is big. I'm glad that you said that. In the house studio with us and Dewey today, we have a surprise guest for you guys. He is a girl's got to eat All-Star, if you will, one of my favorite episodes, doing it doggy style, which actually wanted to be about pets, it sort of is. He is one of the few people we let open our shows and be part of our live shows. We love him so much. You know him as puddles. Andrew Collins. Yo, yo, hey! I'm here, everybody. It's me.

Andrew, from the live shows. Also from the other. Dogs got a dog's puddle in eat. It's your boy puddles. It's your boy puddle. Burrow, dry dick, bam. Okay. We had to start recording because Ashley was telling us something crazy.

And I just need to get it on the air. Yeah. She was talking about how she felt this guy's balls, his long balls. Long balls. And I was like, okay, in what scenario? Like, when you were blowing him, when you were having sex, was like smacking again. She was like, no, I just reached my hand and his pants like, see what he was working with.

And I'm so fascinated by this. Like, you bypass the shaft and was straight to the sack. I, I always like to, look, I always like to feel around down there because I don't want to be surprised. Like, even if a guy's grinding up on you with a hard dick, you still don't really know what you're working with. And I don't want to be like, oh my God, it's so small or big. So I always reach a hand down there. Into the sack.

I touch the dick. Okay, where were you? You're in a bedroom? Yeah, on him in a bed. What's he? wearing is he in jeans still now we're probably in boxers so i just like you're in box them she has put on his boxers to touch his balls that i put on his boxers and it rubs his balls on my face no i so you reach my hand down there like you know how like you you start touching each

yeah yeah like the guy he's already touched my vagina so i reached my hair down there to like feel it and then i just felt the balls they were a little on the longer side i was telling you i don't even know if I really grabbed for them. They like swung into my hand. They popped up and they were like nice to know you. Did you cuff them? Did you give them a little cup? Did you get all the way to the bottom of them? I didn't hit the tank. Is your arm long enough? I just like I just kind of go down there and I start feeling around. I don't know how sexy that is. Like you're Helen Keller. Yeah. Like I just like to know what's down there. Like I'll you know, I think there's a lot of like nerve endings and all kinds of stuff down there you can play with.

Like, all, like, I have longer nails. I'll, like, rub my nails up in, like, inside of a guy's thighs. Like, all that stuff is so sensitive for them. I get very ticklish, and it actually ruins it for me. On the ball sack? Some girls will go overboard, like, they just saw it in a porn or something, and they'll rub the inside of your legs and, like, tease you. I'm like, I'm so ticklish.

You're tickling me. I'm not getting hard. If anything, my dick's going inside my body. I'm all balls. That's all you're going to feel. You don't even have to bypass, because my balls are above my dick, because you're tickling me and I'm ticklish. Okay, but I will say, I am ball, I don't know what to call it.

I don't know what to do with balls. I find that so interesting. I know because like I will do pretty much anything with anybody's body. Balls are fun. If you're, I don't know what to do with them. And then you're grabbing the dick and giving a handy while you're getting a ballsy in the mouthy. It's pretty nice.

You mean I like stroke their dick with my hand. I put the balls in my mouth. But what do I do when the balls are in my mouth? That's my question. I don't know if I don't know if I put balls in my mouth. mouth. I'm sure I've done it before. I just think I'm going, I'm feeling around down there out of curiosity. Like I'm like, oh, here's your dick. Oh, here's your balls. Like, there's a lot of stuff down there to see what's going on. But after you're done with like your Indiana Jones exploratory mission, like, what do you do with balls?

They just like bump into me while we have sex. But you don't, you're not like playing, you're not like sucking on a ball. No. Suck a sack on a ball can actually hurt. Balls are very sensitive. I touch the balls if I'm giving a blow job. You do. Yeah. You cup the balls. You just cup, you just hold them in your hand. I'm genuinely curious. I like to I like if you like I like to go like they feel kind of like there's like two marbles like like stress balls like marble yeah like your fidget spinner it helps you relax your mouth like I think they feel I love the way they feel like they feel like they're fun balls are fun so you do it for relaxation purposes for yourself no it's because I hate sucking dick that much that I need like uh therapy balls also when you fly you grab long balls you bring a little bug little truck nuts on

the plane if I go if I take a trip with this guy yeah and I'm like oh there's turbulence I just raised my hand out of his hands. Yeah. I got hold on to a cruise past the chaff. I go hold on to your ball. Get that chaffed out of the way. I'm telling you right now, you guys make merch, stress balls, but look like testicles, you wouldn't be fucking billionaire.

You call them stress stacles? Stressicles. Oh, my God. Should we even say this? Huh? Someone might steal it. No. It's ours.

It's copyrighted it. Yeah. Stressicles. Maybe I'll do it. Stress the pussy. Andrew. Stop. Stress sus.

All right. Stay in your line. Okay. Sorry. My bad. I thought, I came up with the idea. Stresticles is so. Yeah, stresticles is great.

I love to see stresticles out there in public. It would be so with air, are you going to put hair on them? This is the thing about truck nuts. They never come with hair. What are truck nuts? Oh, you don't know what truck nuts are? You do? Ray hasn't spent a lot of time in the South.

I don't know. Our daddy lives down there in Dallas now. That's fair. There's a, but he married somebody from there, so I reject everything about it. So truck nuts are, they just dangle these metal nuts, hairless nuts that just sit on the back of it. What do you mean nuts? Like they're metal balls?

Yeah, they are. Like a ball sack. Yeah. Oh, this is like a cool thing. thing in the South. See Ashley just grab them, like pulling up behind. Can I just touch your trach nuts?

I got to relax. She's miming them in the air, just half-hastardly. Just driving two clothes, licking her lips. Give me, can let me just touch the track nuts. Look,

I don't want to be on the record to say, and I love balls. I just like to know what's going on down there. Yeah. I like to know what, yeah.

Like the hair situation. I just like to feel around. I like a taint play. Yeah. And then if once things are really hot and heavy, I'll like touch a little bit of the like,

like, anal area. Okay, that's my other question. I don't stick a finger up there, but I like to get back in there. Guys, I mean, no one can deny that they like the way that feels. But my arms are too short to do it during sex. There's no way I can get down there darn sex. Oh. To what you do what?

I always want to like touch somebody's butt or like taint, like when I'm fucking my arms won't reach. They're just too short. Ashley's laughing. Oh my God. What if you, I mean, what, missionary you can't reach? What about doggy you could reach? I don't know that I'm, I'm not trying to touch somebody's butthole when I'm

fucking them. It's more when you're just like four playing around. touching around. Yeah. Exploring each other's body. You know what it was fun? I used the, her vibrator. He says that to me. It's so creepy. No.

Every time you say it. No, I'm dying. What does he say? No, no, no. Oh my God's up. That's like his dirty talk. He says, I want to explore your body. I'm going to bother.

Who is he, John Mayer? Yeah, he writes me songs about it. Ew. Reda. No, I couldn't deal. Your little body is a wonderland. I'm not. Everybody's good at dirty talk.

I'm just. I'm training him, okay? And he said the words, I want to explore your body. I'm going to die. Who is me? Magellan? This is horrible.

It's what I said. It's like the quickest way to get me to not fuck you. Please take it out of your vocabulary. Don't use any old words. All right. The taint is fun, though. Yeah. I put her vibrator on my taint.

I did that to somebody recently and he went crazy. Yeah. He never talked to me again after that. Oh, well, that's. Yeah. But he's canceled. He's canceled. I saw him in the elevator yesterday.

I what are we talking about? So Andrew, yeah. that's a spoiler. and you are in a relationship. You've been on our podcast before you were single. You've been single for a long time. Just 148 months. Right.

So you're in this relationship with math in my head. Since college. I have not had a real girlfriend. I had one girlfriend for like three months, but it ended very poorly. Right. So literally like almost 20 years you weren't in a relationship. Yeah. I've been holding out.

So you found this girl. Or no one would be. She's half your age. If you do the math, yes. She slid into your DMs, right? She slid in. Yeah, she slid in. Not hard.

A casual, a gentle slide. What'd she say again? She said, I want to eat your asshole. Right. But she didn't mention the taint, so it's casual. But she wrote it in all low caps. I want to roll your testicles between my hands when I'm stressed. I want to bypass that shaft and go straight to the tainticle.

Stressicles. I, she just wrote, I wrote some video. I was in Pittsburgh and she just, I videotaped like an old bridge and she's like a shitty bridge. She's like I love bridges. And no, no, no, she wrote beautiful about the bridge, like a joke, but one word. So it didn't seem thirsty. Uh-huh. Okay.

But apparently she noticed that I was checking out her stories, so she knew I was into it. But how did you even know who she was? Because she wrote one thing. Okay, so then, I don't know. How did you guys even connect? Oh, because she wrote the DM. No, but like you had looked at her stories. How did you know who she was?

Was she someone to follow you? Maybe she liked one of my photos. She must have found you from like a podcast or something. Oh, she found you from girls. Daddy, fuck. Yeah. Oh. I know.

Sorry. We could pretend that it's gross. Yeah. That's what it was. She knew who you were from being a comedian. And it's going great. You say that so sure. Yeah, it's going good.

We just went to Miami. Yeah. Live in La Vita Loka. First trip together. Yeah, first trip ever together. First trip I've ever had with anyone. Except for Nicky. Well, yes.

Yeah. But a girlfriend-wise, it's interesting. Can I read your post today? Yeah. Okay. This is Andrew's post today on Instagram. Spent the weekend of Miami with my girlfriend. First time she's ever been on the road with me.

She learned a few things about me on the road that she wasn't thrilled about. One, I like to take a nice three-hour nap before my show, so I'm well-rested. Two, I like to go to bed right after the show so I can get my usual 12 hours of sleep. And three, you can have one drink from the mini bar and anything more than that. We are going fucking Dutch. This is so funny to me. Motherfucker, she had a $6. A $6.

And then she goes, I'm going to get another one. I go, no, you're fucking not. That's bold. Because we also bought a $5 tooth base. This is where I went insane. Okay, you want to know where I got angry? When she hit the $11 mark, you were like, bitch, you're trying to?

Oh, you know I get cut off a 10. Now, no, listen to what happened. We're at the airport. We're at the airport going there. Hudson News. Neither one of us have toothpaste. Okay. She wants to spend $5 on a toothpaste.

I go, look. The nerve. Baby. I go baby. I go baby cakes. I go baby crab cakes. I go baby crab cakes. Obster cakes. I look at her in her eyes and this is what I say to her. I go, baby, I go,

we can get free toothpaste at the hotel. She goes, it's not free there. I go, baby cakes. Can you just listen to me, baby cakes? I go to hotel every weekend. I know that it's free toothpaste, baby. And she goes, yeah, but it doesn't have whitening in it. I go, baby, I'm not spending five just to have waiting for a day and a half for three brushes. Maybe it's important to her. I fucking bought it, obviously. Solution wasn't that she just buys her own toothpaste. Well, I was buying the other stuff.

And now I got to say this. I mean, I got to give it out to her. She pays for, she makes more money to me. She's more successful. Okay. And we definitely go Dutch a lot. Like, I'll buy a dinner. Yeah.

And then she'll buy six. And then I'll leave her. You know? No, no, no. Like, I'll buy a dinner. Like, we're very good at like going to be. You Venmo request her. Yeah, demo request, yeah, about 20% more.

No, but no. You're making money off for her. The end goal in a relationship is, are you making money? Are you profiting? Dude, honestly, though, it does go a long way. When you make money off your significant money after I'm. Yeah, when my significant other is a woman who makes way more money than me and I don't have to do anything. That's why I'm dating Ashley for money.

Oh, my God. That's why I still talk to my mom. I bought Ashley Mascarra the other day. It's when she's dating me too. I got to keep my girl happy. Dude, I used her facial wash. She has this decor day. Have you ever heard of this?

No. No. It's like $300. She got for her birthday. Someone works there. It's three steps. Yeah. Milk cleanse.

Like, you rub it on. At least two months younger. Two months? Yeah, you look great. Thanks. That is funny, though. This is the first time you've used, like, fancy skincare. It's a game changer.

It really is. What was I doing? Why was I spending money on fucking, like, a gap shirt? All my gap shirts. I could have traded in for a soap wash. So, okay. Anyways, yeah. Okay.

Well, first of all, you have a podcast. I do. I just started it. That lodge. Uh-huh. So we want to promote that and then we're going to play this game with you. Okay. All right.

Tell everybody about it. Talk about it. All right. Well, my podcast? Yeah. Okay. I'm not good at self-promotion, but it's called puddles with Andrew Collin. It's called puddles.

A lot of people are wondering, like, what's the name? What's the deep meaning behind it? And I'll tell you. One girl, just one girl, one time. Yeah. accidentally wrote me that I make her puddles and her panties. Wasn't it after our podcast? I think this was after our podcast.

Probably. I think this was a girl's ready. It was after one of our shows. And it was probably from my Lisp. Definitely not sexual. But it was sexual. Like I really mean, and then I ran with that. I call myself Puddle Boy and I never looked back.

So thank you one girl. So anyways. Wait, did you confirm that it was sexual? Yes, I did. You asked her because Nikki didn't believe it. She didn't believe that of sexual. She thought that she laughed so hard. That she paid.

And then you asked her right. Yeah. Would you say? Hey, did you mean that I mean this in a sexual nature? And she said yes. She said she blocked me. No, I don't know. You're dating her now.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's your girlfriend. Yeah. But yeah, I just wanted to say that if you did confirm that she met in a sexual way. Yes. Because no one believed you. No one still does.

I believe you. I think you're a handsome man. You're wonderful. You're one of our favorite guests. That's why you're an all star. Thank you. The only person we've invited back. So here's what happened with you.

So I started a podcast. Well, you retire. retired the name puddles. Puddle boy. And then you took it off all your stuff and then you started a podcast named puddles. Yeah. And so then I brought back. So you really teased us. Yeah, I did. I took it away and then I brought it back.

It's, uh, no one knew it was gone. Right. Look, I'm happy about it. Let me be, so puddles with Andrew Colin, there's no theme. I'm going no theme. Everyone does a theme. No theme. You're going against the grain. It's about nothing. We can't stress this enough about absolutely nothing. nothing whatsoever. You are not good at promoting it. But you tell a lot of your stories.

No, I tell a lot of things. It's about a lot of things. Yeah. Okay. It's about nothing and everything. It's about it. It's Seinfeld, actually. Andrew invented Seinfeld. It's, so if you go to my podcast, expect Seinfeld. But better. But dirtier. No, no. So I tell stories. I'm going to bring on guests. I talk to my producer. We go over a topic. I think it's really fun. Like, honestly, like, I really do think you'll put it on and you're going to laugh a lot and you're going to feel better. about your day. I tell a lot of true stories and a lot of, like, I've been through a lot of shit. And now I think I've come

out on the other side somewhat happier and I partied a lot. I did everything wrong. You could possibly do. I've been fired thousands of times. Wow. I've had money. I've not had money. Lost money. I cheated on every sport. Played pro sports.

Yeah, I've been beat up. I've beaten people. Like, whatever. Everything has gone wrong. If a thing can happen to a person. But then I started therapy. and I went to a psychiatrist and I'm on drugs now and I have a great girlfriend and my life is finally turning around and I'm a full-time comic.

I'm not a dog walker anymore. Yes. We all, we've been friends with you. We've got to watch your transformation. It's so beautiful. It's all from us. You are so welcome.

Thank you. Listen, it's not just us. It's Nikki too. It's all women. And Karen and Christina. Look, the five of us,

you have built your career on our backs, on our vaginas. Dangling your ball sack one by one. One by one. And thank you. If it wasn't for better, stronger, more beautiful women in my life, I would never be a quarter of the puddle boy I am today. All right.

And I want to thank you guys. You're welcome. Because when people start our show, I always tell them to start with your episode. Oh, it's so good. I can't breathe. It's so funny. It's, yeah, it's such a classic. We listened to it.

We were, um, this is in Portland. So this is like a month ago, we both had, we both, you mentioned you were listening to it and so I cued it up and we're like, God, that was so good. It's so good. So anyway, guys, if you want to go back and listen to that, if you haven't, it's called doing it doggy style. It was, geez, last summer, early summer. Over a year ago, maybe June-ish of 2018, and listen to Andrews Puddles podcast, iTunes, Spotify, everywhere. iTunes, not Spotify yet. It's on iTunes, Google Play, and it's on YouTube. And then watch it on YouTube,

which I love that you're doing the video component. And we want to do this game with you. And you guys are going to be on the podcast when you come back. Fuck yeah. I know. I'm so excited about this. It's like the first time I haven't leached on to a more successful woman. And I'm doing it myself. So it probably fail. You still have a cool woman producer. Well, I've leached on. I've leached on to Ashley.

I mean, everybody has to leach on to somebody else. You know? Yeah. You're really weighing me down. Ash is like, I know. I know. You can stop saying it. It makes it feel real.

Yeah. Because it is. Okay. All right, guys. Baby. Baby. Baby cake. Okay.

Okay. All right. We're playing psycho or power move with you. Okay. We, you played this on our Christmas Eve episode, I think. So we, we, we loved, all the stuff you had to say. Psycho or power move. Obviously, guys, self-explanatory, you send us the things that you've done or someone's done to you and we determine if it is psycho or power move.

I have one. This is from a friend of mine, Jenny Jones. I've talked about her numerous times in this podcast. She just went through a breakup and that's kind of, I mean, whatever, she's single, but this is her first date post-breakup. Okay. So she said, story time. I went on my first date since my breakup with a guy name, wait for it, same name as her ex. It was okay, cute. He's from Washington. He doesn't drink, upside down, smiley face,

but whatever, told him I was driving to Atlanta and he offered to make me a playlist. Cute. It was actually pretty good. Then I happened to look at the other playlist he has, hold for photos. There's one name Jenny. There's one name Olivia.

There's one name Anna. Maybe he has a lot of sisters. And then he goes, he writes her any opinion on the playlist. And she goes, he goes, two out of five, maybe a three. She goes, I give it a four. What did Anne and Olivia think of theirs? Oh my God.

And what did he say to that? I don't know if he's responded. Is that the end of it? I think that was the end of it. She busted him. That is funny. How many names were there? There was like three other girls' names in addition to her.

What, he actually sent her like multiple of the other girls' names. But he clearly, her, she had, she thought. Did she listen to the other. playlist? We have to find out. The other playlist were like fire songs. And mine was terrible. I'd be so insulted.

Well, this is the thing. If there were all the same songs and he just changed the names, I'd be more insulted. If he did change it up and he literally has 40 different songs, I mean, this guy, I mean, he's a psycho. He's personalizing it. Yeah, he personalizes it. I actually don't think it's that crazy if he has like four different ones with four different girls.

Like, I would want mine to be personalized. When did he make them? How far apart do we know that? Right. No. That'd be interesting. to know. You know what I mean? Sorry I don't have more details for you guys, but...

No, no, no. So do I think this is a psycho or a power move? On whose part? On his part? I mean, I think it's a power move that she called him out on it. I don't think it's a breaker. I really don't. I don't think it's that weird. I think it's nice that he actually went through with it. If you make me a personalized mix, I think that's a power move. I think that's fucking cool. That gets me what? All right. Do you want to... Let's do the next one. Okay. I haven't read these, so you and I were going to find out about this at the same

exact time. I was seeing this guy last year. I told him I wasn't looking for anything serious, just wanting to have fun and hook up a little. He did not understand that. Even after several times of me reminding him, he kept pushing for me to be his girlfriend. Oh, poor you. I don't know how much you know about Utah, but it is pretty religious and I'm not anymore. But this guy tells me that he has, in quotes, prayed to know if we should get married in the future and God told him yes. What? I told him I did not see our relationship going in that direction because as I told him several times before, I didn't even want a serious relationship, let alone to get married yet. He would not take no for an answer. I kept saying that I needed to pray and receive the answers he was getting.

After much pestering, I decided to give him what he wanted. I sent him Snapchat to me sitting in front of one of the Mormon temples here with a Bible out, with the caption praying about us, I'll get back to you. Later that night, I took a Bible, bookmarked a random page and stuck a post-it on it that said, and Jesus said, never going to happen, and I dropped it off at his house, never heard back from the guy. What? Okay. This guy is, this is a true psycho.

He brought God into it. He was like, God says we're supposed to be together. That is the most manipulative, religious bullshit. Okay. I will say, this is not like super defensive, but like some people, I guess, really do believe in, I mean, I'm not one of the,

believe in religion and they're like, I think, and also they're like, I don't want to sleep with you until we get married. Whatever the fuck is. But like, yeah, it's so manipulative to be like, and God wants to be like, and God wants, this and you don't have free will because God is telling you that we need to do this. She was like, and I love that she went to the temple. It was like, I prayed about it and never going to happen.

Can we just reiterate? She took a Bible. Yes. Bookmarked a page. Stucked in it and said, and Jesus said, this is never going to happen and dropped it off at his house. I mean, it's strong. I wonder how he had to have been annoying as fuck. Like, like, like the pestering. Like every day, he must have been like, hey, God wants me. I've been praying about this. Every last night I prayed and God is like, yeah, you need to get on your knees and blow me. Because that's what Jesus would want. And then she'll be like, no, I don't want to do that. He was like, yeah, but Jesus, you want Jesus?

How can you argue with Jesus? Are you going to argue against Jesus? I mean, he's our Lord and Savior. And then she, I mean, it obviously made her insane because like to go and do all of that. I would. I think this is such a power move. I love it so much. Even if you're both religious for somebody to try to manipulate you with religion is so crazy to me,

this is so topical because this is like Luke from the Bachelorette. Do you watch the Bachelorette? No, I don't watch it. I'm sorry. So she. Oh, he wouldn't leave, right? Well, she, like, went into the fantasy suite with these three guys before him and she said that she'd slept with people and he was like, I just want to pray about this on you. And it was like, it was like, get the fuck out of here.

And he was like, I just want to pray about this with you. I mean, it's hard. You can't. I've had sex and Jesus still loves me. Best line of the full franchise. I think I heard about it. The first time I ever liked her. I do think that like, yeah, it's just, it's so unfair because if you say no to him, you're saying no to religion.

And especially in a place like that where religion is, you know, being Mormon and shit. Yeah. I don't know. I'm sure it worked for me. I love that she used his own, I love that she used his own medicine against him. Yeah. She's like, okay, well, I prayed on it and God said that we don't belong together. I love that she was just like, I'm going to flip this on you.

Yeah. You're going to like it. I like this girl. She's funny crazy. I don't think it's psycho. He's psycho. Yeah. She's not anything. She's not psycho either. Well, actually, no, they're right. He was being psycho and then she'd had a power move. I love it. All right. We have one final one. Save the best for last. I love this one so much. Okay. She writes, so my XY data for six years broke up with me this past January after visiting my grandpa rehab, who was declining in health very quickly. We had just moved in together in May of 2018. He said he just couldn't do this anymore. The breakup became messy. And when we, when we had moved in, we bought a small gray sectional couch. It was $700.

with delivery. I told him I wanted to keep the couch when I was moving out in March. He said, sure, but you have to pay me for it. This fucking guy, who was like broken up with her when her family's falling apart. I asked how much and he said $400. I explained he wouldn't even get that much if he sold it to someone. He then became very hostile and said, I was going to steal the couch. He accused me of not having the money to pay him.

Like, no, I just don't want to overpay for the couch I already paid half for. I was so ticked off about the things he said to me. This guy sounds like a dick. So since I was living in the apartment with the couch, I brought back this guy. I met on hinge and I've been talking to for a couple weeks. We sex on the couch multiple times. I had him come all over the couch. I also had this guy come all over my ex's mattress. Then I texted him the next day and said he could pick up all his stuff. I don't regret everything. Did she pay $500? That's that. That is so,

also she said, I don't regret anything. She found out that he cheated, blah, blah, blah, that he had cheated on her before. Girls, when in doubt, have a stranger jizz all over your man's stuff. There is nothing better than this. There is nothing better than this. first of all, that is so crazy. He wanted more than half for this used couch. And I love what she did. She was like, you can have the couch. I don't have someone come all over this couch.

Yes, it's brilliant. It's so good. I wonder, first of all, I wonder what color to couch is. Great. It's gray. Yeah. So you could probably still see the come. Oh, yeah.

Even better if you can't, you know, if he's like unwillingly, like, if you can just feel the crust, I don't have to see it. If he, like, yeah. If he, like puts his head down on the couch, he's watching the game. He's all happy because he got an extra $100. He's like, I showed her and I cheated. on her. And he goes, wait, what is? What does that smell? Does that come on my? It's so good because also, there's like so many things here that she just said

that it was perfect thing because I feel like what she could do is he would come over. There's come all over the couch. And she's like, I decided I don't want the couch anymore. You can have it. And he's like, I don't want the fucking couch. There's come all over and you're like, are you sure? Okay. If you don't want it, I'll take it. And what's you're going to do? You need to pay me for it. It's like, no, no, I said you could have it. Like she cannot, like, she can't go wrong. She really can. And also, I love. of her, like, hooking up with this guy.

Like, imagine if I, if you went home with a guy and you go, hey, I know you want to, like, come on me, but I have, I have this thing. I have this thing where I love when guys come on the couch.

Like, it's like, it's absurd. And he's like, oh, and by the way, can you also come on the bed? And also this coffee mug.

And can you come on this chair over here? And also, he has a few letters and a few bills. Can you come on that? And then can you come on the door handle that he has to touch? It's so good. come on the street like where does it add so funny to me that she keeps it's so it's so powerful it's so

so great i'm gonna i want to just like come on something right now i don't know what anything but dewy you can come whatever you want and me i would never come i'm also in this room you can't come on may what if i pay you four hundred dollars right now now that we put a dollar's right listen andrew if you pay me for half the price of this couch you can come all over the couch you come on rana promise rana you love come actually i can't come i'll pay you actually to come on me let me pay you $400. So power move. Powell,

strong, most power move ever. Yeah. I mean, she doesn't, she wouldn't, yeah, she's fantastic.

I love this. I love this. Well, thank you for stopping by. Special guess. Well, I know it wasn't as funny as the first one.

No, it was great. I love talking about balls and all this stuff. Yeah, and your new relationship. No, it's fine.

You're not going to be as funny because you're in a relationship now. That's how it works. Oh, God. You got to be single and, single and sad to be funny. I'm sad.

Not funny to be the funniest. I don't know about that. Yeah. You think? You guys aren't single and sad anymore. I worry about being too good of a relationship because I feel like it'll truncate my ability to be funny. I promise you'll still be sad.

All right. You guys listen to Andrew's podcast. We already did a full plug for it. Puddles. Puddles with Andrew Collin. Puddles with Andrew Collin. And for us, you can follow us on Girls Got to Eat Podcast and Instagram. Girls underscore Got to Eat on Twitter.

stupid live shows.com for all of our live shows that we have upcoming. Subscribe, rate review, tell a friend, put us in your Instagram stories, all the things. And my Instagram is Andrew T. Collins. Oh, yeah. That's it. And rate and review and girls got to eat. And buy the merch for Andrew. I do have merch for sale.

We sold sex t-shirts today. I do love your fans. And they're very nice to me. And I'm not just saying that to kiss their ass. They really are incredible. They're the best. Yeah. All right.

All right, guys. We love you guys. We'll see you next week. Have a good week. Bye.