Girls Know Nothing - S1 Ep16: Cheza Blonde: Tiktok Star Talks Reassignment Surgery and Trans Awareness Week

Episode Date: November 18, 2022

Welcome back to Girls Know Nothing! 🧡 GKN is a female focused podcast hosted by@Sharon Gaffka Girls Know Nothing's sixteenth guest is TikTok's ChezaBlonde! Cheza has over three-hundred thousand TikTok followers, who have been following her journey as a young trans woman, including frank and open conversations about her lower surgery. Every year between 13th - 19th November it is Transgender Awareness Week with the 20th November being Transgender Day of Remembrance 2022 New episodes of Girls Know Nothing 🧡 will be released every Thursday, and will also be available on Spotify, Apple podcasts and wherever you get your podcast fixes! GKN Social Channels: Https://linktr.ee/girlsknownothing  Instagram: @girlsknownothingpod  TikTok: @girlsknownothing

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So basically, I would say all rounder, my videos have definitely changed. It used to be a lot of comedy and I used to do this thing called How Many Shots, but now it's a little bit more educational I think so obviously I'm trans I'm a trans woman I had gender reassignment surgery about six months ago now so um a lot a big handful of my videos are about my gender reassignment surgery and also a little bit of comedy as well a little bit of joking in there to making light of situations like that yeah I definitely want to speak to you about your gender reassignment surgery because I don't know very many people that have had got to that stage of their transition yet and watch I

watched your videos and I learned so much from it already so I'm kind of like here to learn from you as well um but one thing that I always I always say to people that are transphobic, people that are transgender, know that they are not the gender they were born into. Yeah, absolutely. Well, I mean, I think people who are transphobic are the ones who probably either feel embarrassed because they fancy trans people

or they are insecure in their own gender themselves. Is that what you've experienced when you speak to people that are transphobic? Well, no, I just, well, yeah, kind of, because I think if you're so uncomfortable with how someone lives their life, and if I'm living my life and I'm happy and I'm content in living my life,

why does that bother you so much? Do you know what I mean? Really, you're unhappy in yourself if this bothers you so much. Why does it bother you so much? Why are you so pressed about how I'm living my life? And I think, boy, mostly men who are transphobic to me, they say things like taking the mick out of wanting to sleep with me. And it's like, well, if you want to sleep with me, just say that. You

don't have to be rude and take the piss out of it, basically. It's like a day old slur when people be like, well, you're a slag if you reject them yeah exactly exactly exactly yeah 100 so i'm like that i will put these questions like throughout the whole episode but i did put on my instagram story you saw asking people questions and a lot of the time a lot of the questions were like how did you know like what was the age of because you started your transition really really young so like when was the age or the time where you were like, I 100% am in the wrong body? So I think as I was younger,

I always knew that I was really different. I can't exactly describe the feeling of what it was. I always just knew how uncomfortable I was ever even associating myself with the male species, even like men in my family. I wouldn't even really speak to them. I just didn't want anything to do with men in general. I think that goes back to me having like excruciating like gender dysmorphia

and not understanding anything about the gender I was born, like all the sex I was born into. I just didn't, I just didn't, I didn't want to know. I didn't understand. I just was very closed off to anything that was male. I had no intentions of associating that in my life. So I think it was all throughout my childhood. I was always very uncomfortable. So, you know, I always looked very feminine. I always grew up playing with girls. So I never had any friends. Like if I had like a play date when I was younger, I'd always have like

girls around. I'd never be friends with any boys all of my toys growing up were you know girl toys like Barbie like Polly Pocket like Doll's House anything like that so I was completely in my head living how any girl would but I wasn't I was you know still technically a boy but um I think I was about 11 years old because when I came out it was the day that this like LGBT group came into my primary school and there was like a gay man and lesbian woman and I was a trans woman and um the trans woman just basically explained what trans is and as soon as she said it I was like okay right that's me basically so I came home spoke. So I came home, spoke to my mum and said, mum, I think I want to be a girl. And my mum looked at me and goes, guess, Rhys, I know that you want to be a girl. So it was quite apparent to everyone else around me.

I didn't actually ever really admit it to myself. Like, I never would go, oh, I want to be a girl. I just was fine not saying anything. And then I did come home one day and go, okay, I know that I do, I want to be a girl. I just was fine not saying anything. And then I did come home one day and go, okay, I know that I do actually really want to be a girl. So I did, I've always just thought it in the back of my mind, basically. So was it like the education side of it, like when people actually said to you what it is

and like how it made them feel, like actually finding somebody that you found relatable? Yeah, absolutely. Like someone explaining what it is and me going, oh, okay, no, that's me. Because I know, I think when you're quite young, you don't understand what it means and all these thoughts going through your mind. You don't understand what it means.

So I think when someone does break it down for you and you see someone who is confident and is happy in themselves, you go, oh, okay, okay, I could be that. That could be me. So yeah, it was quite refreshing to see that definitely I think it's also really nice to hear that you literally came home that day and said it to your mum literally that day a lot of people even when it comes out like they're

coming out about sexuality they're too scared to tell their parents or they don't feel comfortable yeah so it's really nice to see that you have a supportive mum both of my parents are my whole family actually are just incredible I think that's a that is the kind of the main reason why I did speak to them because it just was I could I would know I would know I'd never feel scared to tell them I mean maybe because I always dressed very feminine and they would never even say anything about it they would just let me get on and do my own thing which probably made me think oh okay you know I never was growing up in a household where you have to do this and you've got to play football. Well, no, it was never that. It was always just you be who you want to be as

long as you're okay and you're happy, then it's fine. So I always knew that I could speak to my parents about anything. And I still do now. Like if I'm having a problem, the first person I want to call is my mum and I'll go, look, this is going on, blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, it's very important, definitely. How did people at school, like your peers and friends, take it? So I went to a really big primary school in Brighton. And so like a majority of that school went to my secondary school. It was quite weird, like a lot, a lot of it. I think half of my year or like a third of my year ended up going to my secondary school. It was quite weird, like a lot, a lot of it. I think half of my year or like a

third of my year ended up going to my secondary school. So I knew so many people. So because I came out officially in year seven, so it was like second term of year seven, everyone kind of rallied around me a little bit. Or I felt support a lot from like the girls, especially because I knew a lot of them and, you know, our parents all knew each other so I was okay I was definitely scared and there were people who were fucking horrible can we swear sorry no you can swear there were people who are fucking horrible and like really vile and just you know where they would write stuff on my Facebook and like shout at me in the street and say all sorts of things to me but as growing up as a trans person goes, it was okay. You know,

I was never like beaten up or anything like that. I was never physically hurt. I was definitely verbally assaulted and definitely like cyber bullied or whatever, even though now it's like, it still happens all the time because I'm still trolled every day on social media. But, you know, I still got all of that stuff, which I think is actually partly the reason why when I get trolled now, I don't really care because I've had it all.'ve had it since I was like 11 years 11 12 years old so it's like whatever yeah because I think one of the things as well I wanted to bring up with you is that um obviously you have over 300,000 followers on TikTok yeah which TikTok can be such a toxic platform in terms of trolling yeah and you must get it a lot yeah from transphobic people yeah um and one of the

questions I did get as well is like how do you deal with trolling mentally I don't I don't let myself go to that place with it I really don't because I don't know why I've never I think maybe once in my life when I was just kind of getting big on TikTok I think I sat there and this is when I started telling people on TikTok I was trans. I think there was, it was like one time I sat there and cried and got upset about it, and that was the last time. Like, I do not let people who I don't know, firstly, or I care about affect how I feel at all.

I couldn't give a toss what people who I don't know or don't care about think about me, because they're just unhappy in their own selves own selves like it's just their opinion like people who are irrelevant to my life who gives a shit what they say about me like who cares I think it's worse when if I go on like a live on TikTok and people are trolling me because it's all in real time yeah then it gets a little bit too like okay fucking hell this is a bit dry it's more jarring yeah but um when I see comments and stuff, I have so many words that are like, I think I have like 50 words that are approvable or not.

Okay, yeah. So it's like, I can't see them firstly. And if I do ever go on them, I go, I think it's quite, some people are just, I think it's funny because I'm just like, you're just fucking stupid. And these jokes are, and they always try and say jokes. It's like, none of these jokes are landing. Like if these jokes were funny, then maybe I would like care. But none of these jokes are just shit at always try and say jokes and it's like none of these jokes are landing. Like if these jokes were funny,

then maybe I would like care, but none of these jokes are just shit at the end of the day, so. Is it always from the same like types of people that you get the same trolling from? Yeah, I think so. It's all kind of fake accounts and it's normally like young,

it's normally like teenage boys mostly. Sometimes I see like a mother though, like I'll click on their profile and it'll be like a mother and it'll be like a page with kids and stuff and I'd be like wow like like that's what concerns me actually when people who are parents um are commenting that because like my mum and like anyone everyone I know around me's mum would never even dream about doing something like that we would never like they would never like send hate to a person for being themselves so it just makes

me a little bit concerned like wow if you're doing that to a random stranger on the internet like what are you doing to your kids like what are you saying to them if you're if you're actually like taking the time out of your day to write something transphobic on someone's page then like what are you like you've got a family and you've got kids you're you're that unhappy in yourself that you need to write that yeah because like you're for like in the brief time i've spoken to you set basically felt like your coming out journey was so positive yeah and like it puts the fear of life into me that if somebody who is a parent is like that what if their child wants to come out even if it's not trans like if they want to come out about anything would they feel empowered and comfortable to go to

their parent knowing that's what their parents put in online exactly exactly i could i could never imagine something like that for me and i I've seen, I've got many, many trans friends who have had horrible, horrible, horrible experiences with their parents and their upbringing. And it just breaks my heart for them because it's like, that's not how it should be. Your parents should love you unconditionally. And that's just it at the end of the day. But unfortunately, that isn't the case with a lot of people and with most people. So, yeah, it does make me feel worried for them.

And it makes you feel worried that we're in a world that's meant to be ever changing and ever growing. But apparently, we have a long fucking way to go, clearly, still. I think one of the questions I got as well is that one of my followers has a trans sibling and she is too scared to go on public transport or out in public because of physical, either physical or verbal abuse in public in real life. Yeah. Have you ever had that experience yourself? Not physical.

I mean, I think I could have definitely had maybe physical abuse. I don't know. I haven't, so I can't say for sure. But I've definitely had maybe physical abuse I don't know I haven't so I can't say for sure but I've definitely had like even out clubbing not like a gay club or anything like that but like a normal club I remember this time I had and I spoke about this briefly on Saving Grace I spoke about I said um I was out in the club and this guy came up to me was like oh I recognize you you're trans aren't you and every time a guy a lot of every time a guy, a lot of times,

I do have that a lot of the times, by the way, when men come up to me and go, yeah, you're Reese, you're Tresa, you're that tranny. And I'm like, always taking it back a little bit, because one, it's like, right, okay, it's also like none of your fucking business as well. I might speak about it online, but it's also like, why are you bringing this up with me?

Like, I don't know. So, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he brings his friend over and then they come speaking to me and then with literally in 30 seconds I've got about 10-15 men surrounding me in the smoking area of this club and I'm just like and they're asking me questions they're giving me dirty looks and some of them are being silent and it's just the vibes were completely off and I was like this is scary I need to get the fuck out of here basically so I was with my friend I was like we need to go um and we left but it was like those situations where I am one and there's like 10 of them I'm really vulnerable

I need to get out of here so I always pick up on which I think most people do if there's something really weird going on you kind of have an inkling about what's about to happen. So you leave, which I did. So yeah, people can be really weird in real life. It's never really women. Sometimes some girls have been a bit strange and said some strange things to me. It's more passive. It's more patronizing. Like, well, yeah, you're prettier than me. Like, I could never even tell. Like, you're so much more feminine than I am. And it's like, oh, fuck off. What does that even mean? That's not meant to, that's not a compliment. You're just like trying to, I don feminine than I am and it's like oh fuck off what does that even mean that's not meant to that's not a compliment you're just like trying to I don't know I think that's not a compliment saying that to a trans person like oh you could never tell or you you're way more feminine than me you look more a girl than I do and it's like what is a girl meant to look

like yeah what's your standards that oh I'm meant to be this person and also it's offensive to other trans people as well so saying all right so I look like this but what is a trans person you're okay because you're passing yeah yeah absolutely it's like that's actually really not okay to say to someone it's really not okay so what advice would you give to somebody like if they feel in a vulnerable situation when they're in public or they feel like how would they deal with that kind of situation I mean my best advice is to try and get out of that situation which is such an awful thing that I have to say or try and tell someone who is an authority member like going if someone's working at the train like if you're at

the train station for example and something's happening go and tell a member of staff or go and tell someone because that is the best thing you can do but it's sad because it really shouldn't be like that I shouldn't have to go and say to someone oh this is happening like I was scared of their safety hood because they just want to go out in public like it's so not okay but go and tell someone who's like an authority member go and tell a member of staff or something and try and get help and say this is what's going on and someone should be able to help you and put you in a safe space, which is what I've done. If someone's been inappropriate to me and, you know, I was young

and when I was young, quite vulnerable, I'd go and tell someone who's like a member of staff wherever I am. And then they'd, you know, help you and look after you. Yeah, no, it's weird that you have to put the like onerous on the victim to like make themselves feel safe rather than just to tell other people to leave people alone. Yeah, exactly. Like one of the, I was like browsing through your TikTok quite late last night. And you know, one thing that I found really like amazing that did make me really happy is that you were able to start your journey like really young. She felt comfortable coming out. You could go on

hormone blockers and start taking hormones really young. felt comfortable coming out you could go on hormone blockers and start taking hormones really young but did you ever find that there was a time when you were speaking to like medical professionals and they were like

no you need to wait or they just didn't believe you or made it difficult for you more than it should be do you know actually no I mean yeah of course when at some times

when people were saying certain things to me like oh is this really what you want and I would always just go I think my parents prepared me for that in a way so I thought I always had to like prove myself and go yeah I mean the amount of paperwork and people I had to speak to before going on any sort of medication I think we first went to the GP when I was 10 and then I started on hormone blockers, which stopped male puberty at 13.

So that's three years in the waiting list. You can't even do it now, though. Yeah. You can't. It's illegal. There was a court case with this person who went to the Tavisor Center, which is where I went, who really, really, really looked after me.

But now since this court case, it's basically become illegal to go on hormone blockers. And if you do want to go on hormone blockers before you turn 16, which is when most people have already gone through puberty, you have to go for like a court case. It's like, it's not the same as it was. So I do count myself extremely lucky that I was able to do that before all of this happened. Because I do know like family, friends and like younger trans kids

who still haven't been able to go on this medication because of the laws that are changing and everything like that. So it's scary. So this is the first thing that's happened, or one of the first things that's happened. What's going to be next? Is it going to be illegal for trans people to go in their certain gender bar, like the gender bar they want to go in? What's going to be the for trans people to go in their certain gender bar, like the gender bar they want to go in, like what's going to be the case of this?

So it is scary. So I did have to part with a little bit of that, oh, like, is this really what you want? But I think because I was so adamant and determined to get those hormone blockers before ever going through puberty, I was just kind of, all I remember is just being so on the ball to get it, which is what most trans people do want. They want to just to get the medication. So if they want to medically transition, because not all of them do,

but if you do want to medically transition, all you're thinking about is that end goal. And that's all it was for me, really. So yes, they did have to answer those annoying questions like, are you sure, blah, blah, blah. But for me, I was like, I don't even care. I just want this. But now, it's like, they don't even have an end goal to look to.

They just have these people constantly, constantly, constantly. And because, not to get too political, but because the NHS is so underfunded and everything takes so much longer than it should do, it's not only that, it's also the waiting list is even longer now. So everything is just, it's just not, it's just, I can't even say the word, but it's not opposing to the trans people.

It's basically opposing to the trans people. It's hard. And for everyone else as well who needs to go through certain things. And then I get people writing on my TikTok, like, you're wasting taxpayers' money, you know, getting your, because I got my surgery on the NHS and was like, oh, you're wasting taxpayers' money, you know, getting your... Because I got my surgery on the NHS,

and everyone's like, oh, you're wasting taxpayers' money getting surgery on the NHS. It's like, hold on. How is my surgery that is completely... It's completely a mental health thing. It's not like this is a cosmetic... It's not like I'm just like, oh, I want my boobs to be... It's not like I'm getting my boobs done, which is fine.

Like, you can get your boobs done, whatever, but it's not like I'm doing that on the NHS. This is something that has been mentally fucking up my life, my entire life, you know. So how can you say that something you don't understand is wasting a taxpayer's money?

It just makes no sense. I mean, there could be a lot of things that you could go, not to get too political, but there could be a lot of things that you could say we're wasting money, but do you feel like being able to get on hormone blockers before you ever reach puberty

made your mental health so much better? Yeah, definitely. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't able to get on them before puberty because I was able to transition the way I wanted to transition. And I just would have found it very difficult not being able to do that. Yeah, because everyone I've ever spoken to that is trans and transitioning, they're a

lot older, like 21 and had fully transitioned. And then when I went on TikTok, you were saying that you'd been on hormones for six years.'s such a long process so when people are like oh you know people just wake up one day and decide they're a different gender for you to have gone through a minimum of 10 years in your transition yeah no yeah it is that actually yeah isn't it did you ever like what was the hardest part of like that 10 years apart from getting accepted to have the medication you needed? I think the hardest thing to ever, I think there's two actually. So medically it was a couple. But medically I remember when my first year of hormones

was probably the most mentally straining on myself. I was so depressed. I just started the hormones and I don't think I realised how much they would take a toll on my mental health. Like, I was so depressed for that first year. Like, wouldn't get out of bed. I was at college. I would never go to college. I just sat, slept, did nothing with myself,

just had no motivation at all. Like, I was known for, like, doing makeup and, like, really motivation at all. Like I was known for like doing makeup and like really good at makeup back in the day. And I would even like, I would go for like months on end without putting a face on, like months on end, which for a trans woman is like unheard of as well. But it was just, that's how like in a deep pit I was. So that was really difficult.

And I did go to therapy and sort it out. And I did end up actually going on antidepressants because I was extremely depressed which I've never actually spoken about before but I did end up going on antidepressants because I was on in a really really dark place that was really difficult and I but I brought myself out of it and I'm absolutely fine now and um I'm actually grateful for that time because I think that that was like rock bottom and I'm never going back to that place. So that was really tough. And I think, oh, what was I else going to say?

I think obviously recovering from surgery was hard, but that was also like a really great thing as well because I knew it was going to be fine. So that was pretty tough, but then I got out of that, which was okay. But yeah, it was definitely first year of starting hormones was really, really intense for me and a really challenging time I can imagine you're putting your like your whole body through so much pressure especially at such a young age as well

when you're trying to deal with yeah when you're trying to deal with school yeah and like and boys as well yeah like that that was what going to say, relationships was very difficult. Now it's okay. But in school, feeling very lonely in that sense of no one fancies me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like all that kind of stuff. Was that something you were ever worried about?

Like whether somebody would ever fancy you? Yeah. I used to get told by like school bullies and people like that, be like, oh, you'll never be loved. Like you'll never have a boyfriend. No one's ever going to fancy you.

So I used to get told stuff like that when I was younger. So it was, that really affected me deeply, actually. And those were like words that would stick with me. Has it affected you post-school? Yeah, definitely. I still think about what people said to me in school. Definitely. No, I try not to,

because I look at myself now and I'm like, those people, who the fuck are those people? Like, no offence. Like, in the nice, not to because I look at myself now and I'm like those people who the fuck are those people like no offense like in the nice not to blow smoke on my own ass but those people who used to be horrible to me when I was younger look at me now and look at them like where are they now like I know that sounds so vile to say but because I think when you do get tormented when you were younger it wasn't all it wasn't like terrible the worst thing in the world but I still did go through it and I think the best way to look at it for me and the best way I can move on from that

is me looking about how I've made a name for myself already and what they're doing now. It's like, that was horrible for me then, but I've come out the better end now. So that's how I look at that. So we'll go on to like dating and stuff, like post, post transition.

But when you're going through it, like obviously, when you're going through your hormones and stuff, you think about the end goal. And one thing that people always talk about is like,

I saw you talking about what surgeries you would get after now that you've had your lower surgery. But when you were younger, what, how did you decide

what you wanted to have because there's a lot of options out there isn't there like it blows my mind how much stuff is available so much yeah um I didn't really know everyone always said to me oh do you think you'll get the surgery and I was like I was always in two minds about it because I thought well if I do get the surgery then it's gonna make my life a lot easier and better, which I'm so glad I got it done, by the way. Like, it's the best thing I ever did. But I was also in this mind of,

I don't want to have to prove to anyone else that me getting the surgery makes me, I mean, not getting the surgery, it makes me any less than a woman, less of a woman. Like, it doesn't matter what's between my legs, I'll always be a woman. And people might disagree with that, but that's how I feel in my mind. And that's how I legs, I'll always be a woman. And people might disagree with that, but that's how I feel in my mind.

And that's how I always, that's how I still feel. But that was that sense of like, kind of like, fuck what anyone thinks. Like, I'm going to just like keep it and just like, but also I was really unhappy with it. So it was like, I didn't want to, I didn't want to keep it. But in my mind of being a bit of a rebel,

I'm like, whatever, I did want to, because it was that, you know, fuck what everyone thinks. I don't want to keep it, but in my mind of being a bit of a rebel and like whatever, I did want to because it was that, you know, fuck what everyone thinks. I don't care. Like I'm going to keep it. I'm still a fucking woman. And it doesn't matter if I've got a dick or not. Like I'm still a woman. That was that kind of sense of why I wasn't sure.

So the only time I really made up my mind is when the doctor called me and said, hi, Rhys, like we've got your, this is about your surgery. Would you like to come in for a consultation? And I was like, and I went to have that consultation. And as soon as that conversation was done, I go, right, this is, I'm doing this. Like, I'm absolutely doing this and I'm not looking back. And I have never looked back. And I'm so glad I got it done because I didn't realize how much it would affect my mental health

and how much happier it would make me. Like, I was preparing to feel no different because everyone was like, this is not going to like solve all your problems. And it hasn't solved all my problems, but it's got rid of a lot. And it's really, so to speak, but it's really quite literally got rid of a lot.

But yeah, it's definitely really helped. And I do feel a lot better for doing it. What was the consultation process like? Well, I mean, I've been going for meetings my whole adolescence, really. Like since I was 11, I've been going for... Is that adolescence? Is that right? Yeah. So I've been going for meetings like that my whole adolescence.

So I wasn't really sure what to expect. And they basically just kind of told me what the surgery is, like how they're going to do the surgery, what will happen after, you know, side effects, blah, blah, blah. So it was just basically, it was like all of these meetings I've had of when am I getting it? What's going on? All of it had just gone, no, you are getting it. This is what's going to happen. And then at the end of the surgery, at the end of the surgery, at the end of the meeting,

I just bawled my eyes out. And I was like, oh my God, I've been waiting so many years to get this. Like it was just such a full circle moment for me. I just remember being really nervous the whole time, just like biting my nails, being like,

oh my God, what's going on? What's going on? Because it's really, it is invasive. Like it's not a light surgery. No, they like did like a whole

physical exam on me that day and I was like, shit, like this is a bit much. Oh my God. I know. I think that would terrify me. Yeah,

it did. It was a bit much, can't lie. And I think when I, when I saw on your TikTok that you said it took two hours. I, yeah.

Two hours. I thought it was eight hours. Like I went into that meeting and was like, how long is it going to take? Like what, eight hours? They're like, no, two and a half hours. I was like was eight hours. Like I went into that meeting and was like, how long is it going to take? Like, what, eight hours? They're like, no, two and a half hours. I was like, what?

And it's so complex as well. I always do this because this is actually what they do. Yeah, I've watched a surgery online. Have you? The digital one. I think on TV, I actually watched a real one.

Really? Yeah. I haven't even watched a real one. I wouldn't want to watch a real one. It was, I think I went through a really weird phase where I was like so interested in like stuff like that Yeah. I haven't even watched a real one. I wouldn't want to watch a real one. It was, I think I went for a really weird phase where I was like so interested

in like stuff like that and I don't know why but I was just, I think modern medicine is like an amazing thing to me. No, it is to be fair. And I was always really interested in

like how it worked. If I have watched an actual one, I probably wouldn't watch it if I was you. No, I don't want to watch it because I really don't. I was even watching the cartoon one and I was like, oh shit. And that was after I've had it to watch it. I really don't. I was even watching the cartoon one

and I was like, oh shit. And that was after I've had it done once again. I just don't really want to know what exactly they do. As long as I have a working vagina,

then that's all I mind. Like, that's all I care about. But like, when I had my boobs done, that was an hour. Yeah. And like, technically all they did was

like cut open them and put them in. Shut them up and just off you go. So like, when you said it was two hours or two and a half hours they did was like cut open and put a thing in shut them up and just off you go so like when you said it was two hours or two and a half hours I was like

what? yeah I know right your doctor must be an absolute magician he is I mean to be fair he is like Dr. Coker

Nuffield Brighton shout out he is absolutely incredible like he is just he is a magician quite literally like I've seen his work I've seen his like um I've seen his

like he showed me pictures of what it's gonna look like afterwards I was like I was like the most beautiful like row of vagina that I've ever seen in my life oh my god that's what it's gonna look like um so yeah it was um he is incredible and I was I was shocked that it's taking turn off it took two and a half hours it was crazy what was the recovery like because it's gonna be such a weird question but like obviously you have to pee like at some point

oh my god so when you first come out of surgery so for the first four days you have a catheter in which is like firstly fucking horrid

like the worst like you're all bad like you can't I couldn't see it at all like I couldn't obviously when you first have surgery about anything

you can't see it so I was all like bandaged up I had a lovely cath coming out um which was just vile and um yeah it wasn't it was a lot so peeing so when I first took it out peeing was weird so when you have um a dick you pee out the end and that's where you're so you you pee out the end and it's the same hole for everything. So when they reconstruct you, the tip becomes the clip. Okay. So when I was about to go for a pee,

I thought my pee was going to come up my clip, but it didn't. It came up some other hole. And I was like, this is so weird. It felt like I was peeing out my bum, but I wasn't, obviously. But because it was so much further down, it felt like it was just like weird. was like where is this where is this other hole and um it was quite difficult to pee actually

at first like it was like I didn't it like I had to really relax I was like how do I do this like my body just didn't know what to do and I was like pushing and I was like I was pushing out of my clit I was like this is not this is so it was the weirdest thing because obviously I didn't I've done a video about this. So imagine that's where it feels like you need to pee out of, but that's where it is you're peeing out of. So it's just the weirdest thing in the world. I got used to it after about three weeks, three, four weeks.

I was like, okay, I'm, okay, I'm into this now. Yeah, because I was going to ask you, does it still feel like that? No, it doesn't, it doesn't. Like it's a complete normal now. But yeah, it was so so fucking weird at first like that was one of the weirdest things actually peeing was just like this is so strange and there were times where i got really i remember i got home i was like a week and so i was in hospital for six or seven days and then i got i was gonna say i got released then

i got what is it called? I think it is released. Released or remission? Discharged. Discharged. That's it. I got discharged. So I was coming out of prison, like, literally released. I got released.

No, I got released. I got discharged. And it was like a couple days later. And I couldn't pee. I was like, oh my God, I can't pee. And I really needed the toilet. And I didn't know what to do. I was calling them them like, I don't know what to do. And they're like, okay, well, if you need to go to A&E, you're going to have to take our number and contact us.

I was like, oh fuck, like what am I going to do? So I did end up peeing, but because I was so stressed, I forgot how to pee. So it was just all really weird. That was very stressful. The first week or two at home were fucking rough, like really rough. Like I was bleeding all really weird. That was very stressful. The first week or two at home were fucking rough. Like really rough. Like I was bleeding all the time. Not to be too TMI, but I was bleeding all the time. It was like really painful. They did give me medication to take home, thank God.

I couldn't go to the toilet. Like it was just, because obviously you're on, they give you codeine and codeine bungs you up. Oh, okay. So yeah, it wasn't pleasant. The first two weeks were shit, can't lie.

And you can feel it all and it's just like, oh my God. It's really weird because with a lot of surgeries, I had regretted a lot of things after two weeks. I was like,

this is a very silly decision. Why did I decide to do this? Well no, literally the day I woke up from surgery, I called my mum crying, like what have I done? Because I was in so much pain.

I was like, what have I done? What have I done? My mum was like, it's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. And I couldn't see anyone either. I wasn't allowed any visitors. I was just on my own for six days.

Oh no, that's horrible. Yeah, it was pretty shit. And then, but on TikTok, you said it was a year to be like fully recovered. Yeah, that's the kind of, that's when they say, excuse me, sorry. That's when they say it can take like a year.

It can take like a year, it can take like a year basically to recover. But I think I was, I was like back and out and about in like a month and a half, which is not advised, but I was like ready to go. I mean, I was still,

I'm ready to destroy my designer vagina. Literally, and everyone's seen it as well. It's kind of terrible. I have heard it is magical, I won't lie to you. So I've heard about your vagina before I heard about you. Literally, and everyone's seen it as well. It's kind of terrible. I have heard it is magical. I won't lie to you. So I've heard about your vagina before I heard about you. No, literally, everyone has,

everyone and their aunt has seen it. It's kind of bad. Like, everyone who I'd be able to, yeah, do you want to see it? I do show everyone, but it's fine. I think it was Jack that told me about it. Yeah, he was like, when you see it,

he was like, it's amazing. It's like magical. And I was like, all right, okay. It is quite magical. Maybe I should meet the person before I meet the vagina. But no, so like, when they say it takes like a year to

recover, what is dating and having relationships like? Oh, it's, I mean, to be fair, it's quite, I'm quite, not only being trans, because being trans and dating is quite difficult anyway, but because I'm quite emotionally unavailable, I don't like getting to know new

people as in like well boys in that sense I'm really good at making friends but when it comes to like intimacy I'm like like I really back away like I really don't like meeting um boys in that sense I feel quite like I want to have a boyfriend but then it's also I don't know I get really scared of commitment in that sense like not that I want to sleep with loads of people. It's just, I don't know, it just freaks me out a little bit. So for me, dating is like a bit of a fear. I've never had like a boyfriend before. So it just scares me a little bit. Is it fear of commitment just because of how shit it is to date as a trans person?

Yeah, I think that's definitely a factor of it because I don't know if they're just going to want me because it's like a fetish thing or they're going to... I don't know if it's going, if they're just going to want me because it's like a fetish thing or they're going to, I don't, it's, yeah, yeah,

basically. Because I, there could be so many different reasons what their motive is as like what, they could have like an ulterior motive or whatever and it just scares me.

Have you experienced a lot of fetishization? Oh my God, so much. I mean, not as much since my op actually but before,

oh my fucking God, like I've had, I had this boy, i've had boys who have like known growing up who have like come out and told me that they have like a weird thing for me because i'm trans and like found out they have like this full like trans fetish thing and i've been like what the fuck like i've my dms are ridiculous i like you just like boys like messaging me like let me see your dick, let me suck you off.

Or be like, boys with girlfriends messaging me in their DMs being like, yeah, I really want to experiment with a trans woman. I just ignore

because I'm like, I don't fucking care. But it's just, yeah. But they're also the people that be transphobic. Yeah, exactly.

That's a thing. That's a thing. It's so like, oh, that's, boys on the internet are so weird. Yeah,

they really are. Like so weird. They really are, but I just don't let it... I just, I don't know. I'm just like, yeah, whatever. I don't even associate myself with people like that. So when it comes, like, so have you dated? Yeah.

Yeah, I've dated. Do they always know? Like, I never know at what point does the conversation come up. I normally tell them like pretty much from the off. Okay. Just because I feel like there's a little bit of... I feel like I'm not being honest with myself as well. I feel like I want to tell them.

It's such a big part of me. It's not obviously who I am. It's not what I am. I just want to get it out of the way and go, right, this is me, whatever. Now get to know me it's just a thing that's there um because I do know a lot of trans people don't tell men and that's they can do whatever they want but for me personally it's like I do want to let them know um just so they do know I've always done it though I've never really not told a guy I'm trans. Like, I've always told them pretty much from the off that I'm trans.

I used to, like, back in the day, when I first turned 18, like, I'd get with guys and not tell them, which some might say it's pretty bad, like, whatever. I've never, like, obviously never slept with anyone because obviously I fucking know. Like, as in before. Yeah. But no, now I always do tell them.

Do you, is it always, like, positive when you tell people or not? Um, it's, like, I always do tell them. Do you, is it always like positive when you tell people or not? It's like 90% okay. I'd say there's a 10, maybe like 85%. Some boys are, or like, some boys are very like, oh, okay, that's not really my thing, whatever, blah, blah, blah. No one's really rude. I think if they were rude, it's like, well, fuck off. I don't, do you know what I mean?

I'd be a bit like alright well you're not that special at the end of the day yeah and most people are okay I guess if they're not if that's not what they're like if they're not okay with it

they can just say I'm not okay with it they can just say yeah exactly which is fine like whatever that's your prerogative but there's no need to be rude there's no need to be rude but

there's no need to be rude no we don't want to get too political but obviously lots of people ask questions about um specific people who have so one of the people i want to talk about is um an influencer who came out as transracial do you know who that is oh is that ollie yeah what's his name ollie london yeah that's it that's that's weird because it also puts it in that trans category as well. Yeah. That's fucking, sorry, that is just weird. But there's no such thing as transracial.

So I had a debate about whether trans, why, if we can accept transgender people, why can't we accept transracial people? And I don't think they're the same thing. They're not the same thing at all. They're completely not the same thing. I also think transracial is racism. Yeah, I think transracial is racism as well but then like well you're well the thing is because gender isn't

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two free gifts with purchase w-a-t-e-000. By texting 64,000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Host. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethost.com slash terms. I'm trying to put it into words, but you can't appropriate someone's gender. Do you know what I mean? There's been performance and drag and whatever like that, and that is enlightening it. But when you're saying that you're another race that you're not you're appropriating someone's culture and someone's race yeah which is not okay it's very different and because there's a lot of history behind that I don't know it's hard to explain but it is not the same at all like it's

completely different I don't think you can wake up and, well, I don't know because again, I'm a white person, so I can't say to myself, oh, I woke up because I'm not in a pressed race. Do you know what I'm saying? So I don't know in that sense, but I don't know. I think someone like Olly London going, I'm Asian when it's like,

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Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13. Just go to Indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13. Just go to Indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13 right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. Not only is it offensive, it's also as a white person who is, doesn't experience racial prejudice, saying that you are a different race is extremely insensitive.

Yeah. I just think it's just not, like saying that he's Korean, it's just like, well, you're not though. It's just weird. But then I sound so, but being like, well, you're a man, but you're not, you're a woman,

but you're not though, because you weren't born with it. It's weird. It's hard to explain. And I think like when I was having that debate, I was like on the same point as you, but I found it really hard to explain it. Yeah.

But then they recently, so they spent six months living as a Korean woman. And I saw a tweet that said that they found that they are no longer identifying as a Korean woman and detransitioning. So then do you find people like that make it really hard for people like you? Yes, I think it kind of takes the piss out of trans people.

And it makes trans people, it puts trans people, not only that trans people are in a bad light anyway because of other people's opinions, but it puts trans people in a fucking worse light than they already are in. And it makes us look like a joke. Yeah, I think it's weird. I don't think, it's not weird. I just think it's, he's clearly got his own problems.

Don't use trans in that sense because trans people are already oppressed enough without having people like that trying to destroy the narrative. And do you, like, so a lot of the questions as well about particular authors writing transphobic tweets on Twitter. Yeah. And things like that. And there's one TV presenter

who tried to refer to himself as a penguin when speaking with trans people. Yeah. Do you find that that's increased the amount of hatred that's put towards the trans community? Yeah, especially when that author, especially when said author has written very successful and incredible books that are, unfortunately, people connect ties, people can't disconnect with the actors of the, like Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint

and Edward Roberts have all stood up and say, look, these films are amazing, the book's incredible and they've given us our careers. We do not stand with what she has said. And like, for example, saying the penguin thing, it's like, well, no, because it's not that. It's a really, it's really insensitive because it's really hard to live as a trans person and the mental health side of it is very difficult and there's a lot of inner scrutiny and there's a lot of inner hatred that you experience as a trans person without without people having their opinions on you it's really insensitive to say and hopefully in a few years time we'll look back and go actually that was so fucking wrong

but it is it's not it's not okay to say oh identify as a penguin because that's not actually the case especially when that person is saying it in a negative way it's not okay to say, oh, identify as a penguin, because that's not actually the case. Especially when that person is saying it in a negative way. It's not like a... It's not like, obviously, all trans people, we joke with each other because we are allowed to because we've been through those things. Yeah. But when it's someone who has no idea what that feels like

or what it feels like to be trans, it's just insensitive and nasty, really. And clearly, they're insecure in themselves as well by saying stuff like that yeah it's like I make Asian related jokes to my mum but if somebody came up to me and made an Asian joke I don't think that's gonna work no exactly it does not go down well and it shouldn't because it's not you you can make jokes because you've been through that thing you could you've been through it it's just weird straight white men making jokes about other people's expenses. It's not news, is it?

No, it's not, unfortunately. And, you know, a lot of them have microphones that we just can't seem to take away from them. That is a real issue, yeah, isn't it? But did you find that

when these comments and tweets come out, you were getting more hate? I think the hate's always been around. I think it makes it bigger I think it you know people got you it the scary what you know what scares me actually about it is when like for example on TikTok when you see someone speaking like that

and then you see it has like 1.1 million fucking likes and people in the comments get yeah I totally agree totally agree you know that it's still very apparent and it's still there that's what scares me it's not necessarily the hate that I get it's more the hate that everyone has against trans people as a whole that scares me because I don't really have fear of I'm not scared of people being horrible to me I'm more scared of people who are more vulnerable and more in fear of their life for being trans and how big that hate is. You know, I'll be honest, I've never, I've felt in danger, but never in danger that some trans people can fear, especially trans people of colour, like in America and what have you. It's so fucking scary and the, like, what is it? I saw something where a black trans woman's life expectancy

is like 35 or something like that. Oh, wow. And that's what scares me. How big it is and how, but more for vulnerable trans people. Less of myself, but for more others. That's what really, really scares me of how big the hate is and how much it can affect those who are more vulnerable. Because 35 is ridiculously young. I think it's 35, something like that more vulnerable because 35 is I think it's something

like that that might be I think it's 35 35 36 that's horrible that's awful um but you know what it's actually really nice I think for to have you on here and to say that there are positives for trans people and there are people out there that support them and there are people that were willing to listen yeah I think it's nice to hear something positive for the trans community rather than all the negative stuff that we're constantly seeing. Yeah, absolutely.

And I'm kind of fed up of having to battle off negative comments, even though I'm not a trans person. But that's amazing though, that you can, you know, as much as everyone can help, that's good because it means that you're on our side, which is obviously so important.

I mean, how you live your life has got nothing to do with me. I can't. I'm not one of those people that's going to start telling you how to live your life. As long as you're happy and you're not a bad person, then I think more power to you. And I think that, you know, it takes a lot of courage as an 11-year-old to stand there and say,

I'm not happy. Yeah. And it's really nice to hear that you do have that support from people as well it is nice it is yeah I mean you have

support from my Instagram followers as well because I did get a lot of people saying it's not a question but can you tell Ches that she's really beautiful oh that's so sweet

you do have a lot of fans out there people are really lovely when I meet them in person the majority of people are so sweet and so just genuine and that really

just melt my heart that's how I know that I'm like okay I'm going to keep because you know I have those down days of oh fuck it like I feel so sheer why do I keep doing this but then when I meet people in person I'm like oh my god okay this is why I do this though because people are very genuine and very kind and it does help people which is yeah I guess it's like every 10 bad messages as long as you get one good one exactly it makes it worth it doesn't it it really? Oh, it really does. 100%.

But I'm going to end the episode with a last question. So, what would you say to the people in your past and people in the future

that doubt your success based on the fact you're a trans woman? Good luck finding inner happiness. I mean, nice and straight to the point, to be fair. But thank you so much for being a guest on my podcast.

Thank you so much for having me. Honestly, I feel like I've learned so much. I'm glad. I won't lie, I can't wait to see what your magician doctor created. Oh God, I'll show you later. It's going to happen. No, thank you so much. Thank you so much. I honestly can't wait to see more from you. Oh, me too.'ll show you later. It's going to happen. Do not buy Sharon. No, thank you so much. Thank you so much.

I honestly can't wait to see more from you. Oh, me too. Thank you so much. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites.

With Indeed's sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates, so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer.

Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13. Just go to Indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13 right now. And support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. Hi, I'm Richard Karn, and you may have seen me on TV

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