Girls Know Nothing - S2 Ep17: Chanita Stephenson & Sharon Gaffka | Girls Know Nothing Podcast Highlight

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

GKN is a female-focused podcast hosted by  @SharonNJGaffka @chanitastephenson GKN Social Channels:  Https://linktr.ee/girlsknownothing  Instagram: @girlsknownothingpod  Tiktok: @girlsknownothingpod TikTok: @girlsknownothing

Hi, I'm Richard Karn, and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. Well, the brand new Pocket Hose Copperhead with Pocket Pivot is here, and it's a total game changer. Old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot, but the Copperhead's Pocket Pivot swivels 360 degrees for full water flow and freedom to water with ease all around your home. When you're all done, this rust-proof anti-burst hose shrinks back down to pocket size for effortless handling and tidy storage. Plus, your super light and ultra-durable pocket hose Copperhead is backed with a 10-year warranty. What could be better than that? I'll tell you what, an exciting exclusive offer just for you. For a limited time, you can get a free pocket pivot and their 10-patter pattern sprayer with the purchase of any size copperhead hose.

Just text water to 64,000. That's water to 64,000 for your two free gifts with purchase. W-A-T-E-R to 64,000. By texting 64,000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Hose. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethose.com slash terms. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites.

With Indeed Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates, so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed. And listeners of this show will get-K-A-T-Z 13. Just go to Indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13 right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. And he juiced me that weekend and I am... Hi, I'm Richard Karn and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. Well, the brand new Pocket Hose Copperhead with Pocket Pivot is here

and it's a total game changer. Old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot, but the Copperhead's Pocket Pivot swivels 360 degrees for full water flow and freedom to water with ease all around your home. When you're all done, this rust-proof anti-burst hose shrinks back down to pocket size for effortless handling and tidy storage. Plus, your super light and ultra-durable pocket hose copperhead is backed with a 10-year warranty. What could be better than that? I'll tell you what, an exciting exclusive offer just for you. For a limited time, you can get a free Pocket Pivot and their 10-pattern sprayer

with the purchase of any size Copperhead hose. Just text WATER to 64000. That's WATER to 64000 for your two free gifts with purchase. W-A-T-E-R to 64000. By texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Hose. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethose.com slash terms. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday.

How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. With Indeed's sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates. So you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs.

Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at indeed.com slash kids and family. Just visibility at indeed.com slash kids and family just go to indeed.com slash kids and family right now and support our show by saying you heard about indeed on this podcast terms and conditions apply hiring indeed is all you need i burst out crying

i was just like what you used me this that never he just, he went across the car. I was in the car and he just went, bam, like that in my face. And my nose doesn't really bleed. And it just went. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Know Nothing. Some of you will recognize today's guest as a blushing bride from our TV screens. Married at First Sight UK has caused a little bit of a stir when we see brave singletons marry a complete stranger. But like with many reality TV contributors, they are much more than we see on TV. Janita Stevenson was a social worker prior to looking for love in a very unconventional way. Hi, I'm Richard Karn,

and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. Well, the brand new Pocket Hose Copperhead with Pocket Pivot is here, and it's a total game changer. Old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot, but the Copperhead's Pocket Pivot swivels 360 degrees for full water flow and freedom to water with ease all around your home. When you're all done, this rust-proof anti-burst hose shrinks back down to pocket size for effortless handling and tidy storage. Plus, your super light and ultra durable pocket hose Copperhead is backed with a 10-year warranty. What could be better than that? I'll tell you what, an exciting exclusive offer just for you. For a limited time, you can get a free pocket pivot and their 10-pattern sprayer with the

purchase of any size Copperhead hose. Just text WATER to 64000. That's WATER to 64000 for your two free gifts with purchase. W-A-T-E-R to 64000. By texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Hose. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethose.com slash terms. So welcome to the studio, Shanita. Thank you.

Obviously, I first recognized you from Married at First Sight. I have a really weird obsession with the show. I'm addicted to watching it. But I would love to be on it, but the idea of marrying a complete stranger absolutely terrifies the shit out of me. Rightly so. To be fair, what was the logic behind it of you doing it hi i'm richard

karn and you may have seen me on tv talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose well the brand new pocket hose copperhead with pocket pivot is here and it's a total game changer old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot but the copperhead's pocket pivot swivels 360 degrees for full water flow and freedom to water with ease all around your home. When you're all done, this rust-proof anti-burst hose shrinks back down to pocket size for effortless handling and tidy storage. Plus, your super light and ultra-durable Pocket Hose Copperhead is backed with a 10-year warranty. What could be better than that? I'll tell you what, an exciting exclusive offer just for you. For a limited time, you can limited time you can get a free pocket pivot and their 10 pattern sprayer with the purchase of any size

copperhead hose just text water to 64 000 that's water to 64 000 for your two free gifts with purchase w-a-t-e-r to 64 000 by texting 64 000 you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from pocket hose message and data rates may apply no purchase required terms apply available at pocket hose.com slash terms um i was having a bit of a crappy time on dating apps and i just kept getting the same type of guys um and my friend was like you should apply for this and i was like no no and i literally put it off for two months and i thought you know what i was bored once sunday i thought you know what i'll just do it i'll do the audition take because

that's what I'd put put off um submitting my application just thinking that would be that and then yeah I got contacted back and I was like oh I've actually been taken seriously every like every woman I've ever spoken to that's been a contributor on a show like that has always said I've had a shit time of dating apps so I'm just going to go to the other extreme and apply for a dating show instead. But like you literally married the person. Yeah, I thought because of the style of the show, that it might be a bit different. And I might not get an idiot as much. Because I'm thinking if someone signed up for that show then they're looking for marriage too they're they're taking it seriously and they want to settle down and you know maybe have more

of the same ideologies and morals all of that and obviously yeah i still came out single but don't quite a lot of people come out single from that show don't they really yeah which is quite sad actually given how much you put into it like it's so mentally physically just everything draining like what was the experience like because you every is every week you have like a sofa chat with yeah commitment ceremony and everybody you have to bear everything to everyone yeah what was that experience like it's a lot it's like it's like a lion's den so you're sat on the sofas obviously you have the expert and then they're sat behind you everyone else and they're like listening and you're airing your business don't get me wrong some people are more open than others some people are really closed off and you just think well why

here you knew you knew what you signed up to. But it would be quite daunting because you can hear them whispering or experts might ask their opinions. So, yeah, you've not just got the experts, you've got the rest of the cast listening and having their opinion and input. But you know what? It lasts a lot longer than it looks because on TV it's a bit of like, it's like a snippet.

Yeah. Whereas you sat there for ages, especially if you've had a lot of like it's like a snippet yeah whereas you sat there for ages especially if you've had a lot of problems that week you are there for every week like holding up the entire commitment ceremony no there was one week where everyone seemed to have problems and we were there filming for like 12 hours or like it was such a long day because everyone had so much shit to bear i would literally i would probably be even worse if i was the last couple to go and we'd been filming for 12 hours i'd probably be so angry you would not get the best of me out in that situation but i feel like

they would do that on purpose oh yeah it would make me wait oh yeah definitely if you you you kind of know that you're not doing so well because the work like say the couple that's going through the worst would be at the end and me and jordan had that once and i was like waiting and waiting and actually it makes you feel worse it gives you more anxiety you've you it's a horrible feeling as but if you're having a really bad week it's horrible feeling just waiting do you think genuine marriages can come out of a situation like that definitely because with how it's how you're matched you're obviously meant it's meant to go off stuff in terms of what you believe in your you know if you want a family all of that's looked into and then you're matched off that basis so I think it's down to sometimes individuals as well

if they're willing to put the work in like at the minute Zoe and Jenna are still going very strong and they had their hurdles but they both didn't give up and they thought right I'm gonna put the effort in and I think they're a good example that you can make it work um you know obviously my situation was a bit different mine was like more one-sided you didn't ask for what you got so what did you ask for you know what i will i will actually admit with jordan on paper i see why i was matched with him okay so where you know he had he had a good job. He had his house. He had the same, well, I can't think of my words now. He wanted the same as me, a family.

He wanted to settle down, go like traveling and places together. So we did match a lot and we had a lot of weird things in common. So I was like, wow. I was quite surprised, to be honest, because I did go into it thinking, as long as it's not like Peter Griffin at the end of the aisle I'll be all right like so I thought whoever's there I'll give them the chance as a reason we're matched so with Jordan I thought fair play actually you've not done me dirty you've actually listened to me and you matched me. Obviously, on paper and reality are two different things.

Yeah, I don't know about that. So in theory, it was meant to work. Yeah. But then they can't account for Jordan running off after this moment. So, yeah. Obviously, before you took part in Married at First at first sight you were a social worker yeah um so what was like tell me about the reasons behind that like what made you want to sign up to be a social worker um i think my life experiences i had a lot of things i went through as a child growing

up um in terms of like my mom had me when she was like 16 so I had a single parent upbringing um my dad wasn't really around um and my mum got into a really abusive relationship I call him the devil it's just easier to call him the devil because that is what he is and he made our lives hell um so having to deal with that that kind of put me in from a young age I had some dark experiences and mentally I reflect now and now I was in a dark place obviously when you're young you don't necessarily realize that so that very much made me think you know what I want to be that person that I didn't necessarily have when I was younger for other people because I get how how hard life is and the reality of certain situations um went through so much like he actually attempted to kill my mom so and that was really difficult for me because

that was the one time when it happened I'd stayed out at my mate's house for a few consecutive days now my mom was really strict when I was growing up so I didn't really stay out and this one time I stayed at my mate's for a few days and that's when it happened and I felt probably a lot of guilt at the time because it was my younger brother that had to a dyna pan ddigwyddodd hynny. Ac fe wnes i'n teimlo llawer o ddiflwch ar hyn o bryd, oherwydd roedd fy mab ifanc i'n gorfod ei ddelio â'r peth. Ac wedyn, o'r dydd honno, mae popeth... yn amlwg, nid oedd pawb yn hwngu'r drws ar ôl y dydd honno,

ond roedd y foment yn newid fy fywyd, neu'n newid ein holl bywydau, ac mae'r holl bethau wedi cynyddu. Felly, o hynny, rwy'n credu ei fod yn fwy na ddiflwch i mi all our lives and it just all come crashing down so from that I think it even more so pushed me to want to help others I've seen a dark reality that a lot of other people hadn't seen especially at my age and you know I didn't have friends that have been going through that there was no one around me that I'd be like yeah because it's not normal so no one could really relate and at that nid oedd unrhyw un o'r amgylch i fynd i fynd i'r afael â nhw. Oherwydd nid yw hynny'n normal. Nid oedd unrhyw un yn gallu cyfathrebu. Ac ar yr amser hwnnw, wrth gwrs, wrth i chi fod yn hwy,

mae gennych chi fwy o ddealltwriaeth. Ond roedd yn anodd iawn. Felly roedd hynny'n fy ngwthio i fod yno i bobl eraill. Ac rwy'n credu bod yn rhoi'r sgiliau i mi fod yn gweithiwr cymdeithasol, a helpu pobl eraill, a chymorthu pobl eraill. Felly ie, dyna ddewis pam. naturally the skills to be a social worker and help others and advocate for others um so yeah that's probably why it more so because at school if I was going to be a fashion designer I did like business and all sorts and then it just I don't know it's something clicked and I thought no that's not what I was meant to do and I remember after that as well we had a social worker

come I know my mom had like social workers when chad me just because of her age so it triggered that then we'd had a social worker when um that happened and she was shit no offense to her she was rubbish and I thought yeah like I I can I can do I can do that I but I'll do it better. So having that one experience as well, I thought, yeah, I'm going to make sure that I really do my job properly. And I know that sentence is not going to help because I know social workers get stigma as it is.

They get so much and they shouldn't because there's amazing social workers out there and they do make such a difference and but I have experienced that side so when what do you think for the lack of better word was the saving grace as to why you chose going down working in social route as opposed to other paths and other directions because sometimes when you see young children going through those traumatic experiences they tend to have similar patterns in their own lives when they grow up so I think to be honest I actually wanted to be a counsellor that's where I thought because I just thought I know the importance of listening and you know really understanding someone and helping them in that way and because I was quite young going into

it I was advised to do social work I think I think the same group had so I had that experience with oherwydd roeddwn i'n ddiweddar iawn yn mynd i mewn i'r ysgol, roeddwn i'n cyngor i wneud gwaith cymdeithasol. Rwy'n credu... Rwy'n credu y cyd-dreulwyr yma... Felly roeddwn i wedi'r profiad hwn gyda fy mam a phethau a byw gyda gwahanol gwahanol gwahanol fel plant a'r effaith ohono. Ac yna roeddwn i hefyd wedi cael ffrindiau ffyniadol i mi hefyd drwy'r ysgol, a oedd yn ddiwylliant oherwydd nid oedd unrhyw un arall o'r ymlaen i mi yn mynd drwy'r ysgol ac nid oedd unrhyw un yn fy mhryderu fy mod i'n meddwl y byddai'n meddedd hynny'n ddiwylliant oherwydd nid yw un arall o'r byd yn mynd drwy'r peth ac nid oedd unrhyw un yn fy ystyried mi. Dwi'n meddwl eu bod yn meddwl fy mod i'n fwriad neu'n ysgafnol oherwydd roedd yn rhan o'r brwch ffyn, ac roedd yn ffordd gwahanol iawn i mi oherwydd nid oeddem wedi tyfu gyda phwysau a phethau. Felly, rwy'n meddwl, mae'n rhaid i mi wneud gwell o'r holl ddau, and stuff so I think all of that I thought no I've got to I've got to do good from all this bad um so I think that's what really pushed me and then I thought I need to get my get my education

and stuff because I didn't want to go to uni I was trying to avoid that but I had no choice so I was like damn I'm gonna have to actually go like you briefly touched on like your own experience of having an abusive relationship and you know people not necessarily saying that you know people saying they didn't take it as serious as they should why do you think that we don't take abusive relationships in amongst teenagers as seriously as we should i think because if you see a young person then you might put it down to their age that they're naive or they're not really you know he's just he's just silly or he's just young um I think I think it can depend as well and like I said the dynamics of me and him I'm from like a poor background he's

from a very well-off background um and he would because I was infatuated with him I'll say that Ac oherwydd fy mod i wedi cael fy mhryder â'i, byddaf yn dweud hynny, ac fe wnaeth hi'n gwisgo fel, oh, mae hi'n ymddygiad â fi, neu mae hi'n storka a hyn a hyn, a dim ond hynny, ond nid oedd. Roedd yn amlwg yn chwarae gêm ymddygiad. Rwy'n cofio, dweud, unwaith, roeddwn i'n mynd i ffwrdd i ffwrdd a chael y cwn ychydig o ddress, ac fe ddod i fy mhrofiad, a chafodd ei o fy mhrofiad ac doeddwn i ddim yn gwybod. Ac rwy'n cofio, rwy'n sgwro, rwy'n cofio roeddwn i wedi ei ddweud. little dress and he came to my house and he took it from my house and i didn't know um and i can't

remember i can't remember i told it was an adult and i was like he took my dress so i could wear it um and they kind of laughed it off and actually as an adult i'd like to think more so you'd think why has he done that um so i think it's not seen as much because yeah it's it's just like oh silly Felly dwi'n meddwl nad yw'n cael llawer o'r hyn oherwydd... Ie, mae'n debyg, oedd yn ysgolion. Ysgolion yn ysgolion. Pan yw'n gwneud llawer o bethau sy'n ddifrifol i mi. A dwi'n meddwl... Dwi'n credu, beth, ydy'n ym mis 2013 neu rywbeth, ond dim ond wedi newid lle maen nhw wedi cynnig

clas 16 ac 17 oed oedolion violence law so I think it's just lack of awareness and other things might overshadow it such as like grooming or criminal exploitation and them sort of things or yeah it was it was difficult because like even his friends and that would be like oh no I can't see him doing that and And, yeah. With young people, do you think that shows that dramatise abusive relationships probably contribute to people not taking it seriously amongst young people? Yeah, because I think as well, like, it could be seen as,

oh, he's just protective. Oh, he really likes you. He does that because he cares. There's a lot of excuses made up for that behaviour. When actually, no, just because, say, he'sd, nid yn unig. Oherwydd, dwi'n dweud, mae'n 16, gallai'n dal i fod yn ddiffygus, cyrffus, fel,

yn ymddygiadol ac yn ymddygiadol. Oherwydd, roedd y pwynt troi i mi, oherwydd mi wnes i fynd yn ôl, yn amlwg, dyna'r cyfnod o ddiffyg. A oherwydd roeddwn i'n trafod yr holl bethau roeddwn i'n eu siarad amdano i fy mam, ar amser,

ei tŷ, roedd yn fel ysbrydfa i mi. Felly, wrth fynd yno, all them things that I spoke about with my mom at times of his house it was like a respite for me so going there I loved it like I got I loved his mom I just loved being there and it was a break from my own crap um and he he abused that also so I think sometimes the background also can feel that more breaking the cycles of you especially when you're young because nobody talks to you about it and talks about coercive control and there's a lack of education in that area how do you know like to break that cycle like how did you know yeah sorry that's yeah um so i was like on and off with him he's like my only boyfriend from like year seven Roeddwn i'n mynd i fyny gyda'i. Roedd yn fy mab oed, o'r 7 oed i'r 18 oed.

Dyna sut amser roeddwn i'n ei ffodd â'i. Roedd yna dydd oeddwn i wedi mynd i'w gweld, roeddwn i'n meddwl ein bod yn dod yn ôl i gyd. Roeddwn i'n meddwl ein bod yn dod yn ôl i gyd. Ni ddweud na, oherwydd roedd yn ddifrifol i mi. Roedd yn gyrru mewn car, yn cymryd i mewn yn ôl. absolutely vile to me and uh he was driving in the car he was taking me back home and uh he basically said he wasn't and i and he used me that weekend and i um i burst out crying i was just like what you used me this that never and he just he went across the car i was in the car he just

went bam like that in my face and my nose doesn't really bleed and it just went and i was just like ac fe wnaeth y car i fyny yn fy mhyn ac nid yw fy nôs yn blidio. Roeddwn i'n meddwl, waw, mae hyn yn ddim iawn. Roedd Em yn ymlaen i mi ac mae'n parcio. Roeddwn i'n ysgrifennu a dwi'n meddwl, I can't I can't go into my house like this like my face I'm crying and when I cry I can't stop and blood everywhere and if I can't I can't go into my mum like this um so and I was like panicking about that panicking about the situation I'm in and I was in the car and I was like I need a moment I need to sort myself out and then he he bit me which that was weird yeah like he bit me mi, a dyna oedd yn anodd. Ie, fe wnaethon nhw ddynnu i mi allan o'r car ac rydw i wedi mynd, rydw i wedi mynd o fy mhrofiad ac, oh, ddwyddiad. Ac yna, dwi ddim wedi gweld y stori hwn yn hynod o amser. Felly yna, rydw i wedi mynd i fy mhrofiad ac roeddwn i'n cofio, ond yn ddiolch

i mi, roedd gen i ddawr blwyd drosodd, felly doedd gennych chi ddim yn gallu gweld y llwyd. Felly roeddwn i'n cofio, ond yn ddiolch i mi, roeddwn i wedi cael drosodd blaen, felly doeddwn i ddim yn gallu gweld y llyfn. Felly roeddwn i'n ddiolchus am y cysylltiad hwnnw. Ac yna fe wnes i ddweud i fy mam, mae gennym wedi rhannu. Nid ydw i wedi dweud i mi bod yna'r pethau sy'n gweithio, ond dyna'r pwynt cyfeiriol. Ac fe dwi'n meddwl, nid yw hynny'n iawn. Mae hynny'n ddifrifol iawn. Ac fe dwi'n meddwl, na, nid oes cyfle. Nid yw hynny'n digwydd i mi unwaith eto. up and I thought no no chance this is not happening to me ever again um and it's it was obviously I've made that choice but that's also shown me actually how it is hard to break that cycle I understand from other people's point of view you know people are so quick to be like oh why are you back with him like my friends at school at that time they'd be like

well you keep going back to him why why are you back with him and um they didn't understand and then interestingly enough and obviously i'd never wish this on anybody as they were older experienced it whereas i experienced it younger because it is so much more common than people like realize and it doesn't have to be to that level of abuse it can be emotionally or just the coercive or the manipulation and the control or that was it for me I thought no this I'm not letting him do that to me again and that really pushed me then to think I want to help people in all aspects because you know my mental health had been impacted I'm living with my mum that's dealing with x y and z from the impact of what she's dealt with um and you know how that's impacted her because that's

obviously led to other issues um and how she tried to deal with it and yeah it just it's just a massive ripple effect and i just thought i think the thing is with with cycles of abuse people don't realize is that because your self-esteem has been lowered so much when you go through something like that is that you you crave something familiar or you want someone to make you feel good and you believe that they will change or that you know things are really good for a little bit and then you get back in and then it starts all over again and I think it's really hard unless you've lived through it yourself to try and explain it to other people you've been in it and watched it happen yeah I've had the best of both worlds so to speak but it's do you think that maybe that was the reason one of the reasons that you wanted

to stay so long because it was a sense of familiarity yeah I think definitely um at that I genuinely at that age I loved him like I was infatuated with him I loved him and like it's one of them and say when it's good it's really good um and like I said to you because I was mae'n un ohonynt ac yn dweud, mae'n dda, mae'n dda iawn. Ac fel y dywedais i chi, oherwydd fy mod i'n trafod fy hun, mae ei mam, mae'n sôn yn rhyfeddol ond fe wnes i ymdrech yn gyffredin iawn gyda'i mam ac roedd hi hefyd yn colli'r cysylltiad hwnnw a'r ysbyt a chyflawni ac roedd fel os oeddwn i'n colli rhan mawr o'r peth. Oherwydd os oeddwn wedi colli'r holl dda o'r dda ar y llaw, yna byddwn i'n aros gyda'r holl sgwrs rydw i'n ei ddelio â,

rydw i'n ei fyw drwy. Felly, dyna ddewis pam dwi wedi clwng arno'n fwy na dwi ddaw i. Roedd yn wir, nid oedd yn gwerthu i mi. Ac rwy'n credu ei fod yn ddiddorol oherwydd roedd ei mam yn gwybod, roedd hi'n alw i bob amser dweud wrthi, bod yn gwerthu i mi gwell. Roedd hi'n alw i bob amser gwneud sylwadau a phethau. And I think it's funny because his mum knew because she used to always tell me I deserved better. She used to always make comments and stuff. So I think she knew what a son was actually really like.

It's really upsetting when someone's mum does that to you because they feel like they can't do anything. Yeah. They know that it's happening. Yeah. I think she caught once, he was like, he just kind of head-butted me and I think she caught once, he was like, he just kind of head-butted me, and I think she caught the end of it. I thought it was just blown over.

And I remember his dad or something said, oh, Shanita looks a bit miserable when she comes around. And I thought, yeah, because of your abusive son, mate. So, yeah, I think they know. But that's, you know what what i've sat here and cried obviously because i've not spoke about it so long but i'm not obviously i wish it never happened but it's contributed to who i am today it's contributed to my amazing understanding of what abuse looks like and it's really given me the skills to help other people

um and I know that from like feedback I've had within my role of social work um and speaking to others so yeah you've got to take the lessons and the good from a really horrible situation yeah because I know you spent a little bit of time when you were younger living in a refuge as well. So we, it was like, we just experienced it for, I don't remember how long it was, but yeah, because obviously my mum went through what she was going through. And again, that was when I was a lot younger

and I'd come back. My nan and grandad's all somewhere. And again, no one in the family really knew ac fe ddodd i'r ôl. Roeddwn i'n mynd i'r granddad neu rywle. Ac eto, nid oedd unrhyw un yn y teulu yn gwybod beth roedden ni'n byw gyda. Rwy'n credu bod hynny'n ddiddorol hefyd, oherwydd, chi'n gwybod, mae'ch teulu'n ei fod yn eich teulu, ond nid ydyn nhw'n gwybod y bywydau a'r ffyrdd sy'n digwydd y tu ôl drws gwbl.

Ac rwy'n credu nad ydych chi'n siarad amdano am amrywiaethau. Felly, ie, fe wnaethon ni fynd a chadw mewn ysbyt am amser ac roedd yn... roedd yn ardal anodd. Roedd yn, fel, yn ardal ardal gwahanol. Rwy'n cofio ardal gwahanol. Felly, ydych chi'n gwbod, nid oes pwysig yw hynny, ond roeddwn i'n ychydig fel, o, ac roedden ni'n, fel, ie, wedi sbwnt y person Cym'r goffa, mi, fy mam a fy mab defo'r hynny. Felly roedd hynny'n anodd eto, chi'n gwybod, ardal anodd, nid oedd yn anodd ond rydych chi'n gwybod beth rwy'n ei olygu. Fel blant, rydych chi'n meddwl ei fod yn ardal anodd.

Roedden ni, oherwydd roedden ni'n mynd i'r hotel yna gyntaf ac yna fe wnaethon nhw'n cymryd chi i'r llyfr. Ie, mae'n ddiddorol iawn oherwydd, eto, rwyf wedi'i llwwyf wedi'i ddiflwyno llawer, rwyf wedi sylweddoli. Roedd yn ddiddorol byw yn y lle hwn. Roeddwn i'n golygu ysgol. Roedd yn anodd iawn oherwydd nid oeddwn i yno. Roeddwn i'n meddwl beth oedd wedi arwain i ni byw yn y lle hwn. Roedd hyn yn ddodod i ni i fyw yn y ffuglion ar hyn o bryd. Mae hyn yn dda. Yn gyntaf, yn gynharach, roeddwn i'n mynd i'r ysgol a chymerodd rhai pobl sy'n byw ar fy stryd fel ymddiriedolwyr oherwydd bod wedi, yn y bôn, wedi llwyddo'r drws cynnar a gwneud sgen a chyfarwyddo.

Felly, roeddwn i'n cofio mynd i'r ysgol ac roedd y rhain yn dweud, Yn fawr, felly, mae hyn wedi digwydd. Ac rwy'n meddwl, beth? Doeddwn i ddim sylweddoli beth oedd wedi digwydd. Ysgol ysgol bwysig. Ac mae'r rhain yn dod i mewn a'i ddweud, Yn fawr, hyn. Ac roeddem wedi clywed hyn. Ac rwy'n meddwl ei fod oherwydd hyn.

Ac fe wnaeth hi hynny. Ac roedd hi fel, O, iawn. Ac roedd hynny'n wir iawn. Felly, Yn fawr. Gwlad iawn. oh okay and that was yeah that was very weird so it's yeah absolute madness and I just I think I laugh I think I use humor a lot like a lot of people like so for instance when I did maths um you do your psychology stuff and you have to say what you've been through and I sat and I told because I am very open about what I've been through I'm not

I'm not ashamed of it because one I didn't freaking ask for it two it's made me who I am and I embrace it now like maybe when I was younger I'd be really embarrassed and I'd feel really crap about it like say self-esteem and that but now I'm like you know what that was my life this is who I am um I can't change the past all I can do is work with it and um I think with maths the psychologist speaking to me and she turned around to me at the end after I told her everything and she was like um she went I will say she said if I'd put you on mute throughout you speaking about that she said I think I would have thought you were speaking fe dweudodd, yn siarad, os byddaf wedi'ch gwneud yn ystod y cyfnod, yn ystod eich siarad am hynny, fe dweudodd, rwy'n meddwl y byddwn i'n meddwl y byddech yn siarad am bethau'n ddewis.

Ac rwy'n meddwl o'r prynhawn honno, fe wnes i ddysgu fy mechanismau gofal a sut rwy'n i, ac efallai ei fod yn rhaid i mi ddod i'r cyfrif nawr gyda'r hyn rwy wedi mynd drwyddo. Nid oes peth amdano, yn amlwg, mae'n gallu fy mhrofiadu yn emosiol.

Ond roedd hynny'n sylw ddiddorol iawn, roeddwn i'n meddwl. don't worry I'm obviously still emotionally can eat me up but that that was a really interesting comment I thought yeah obviously you use humor as your coping mechanism but how has your childhood experiences really affected your mental health oh I've been in I've been in dark places like really dark places um I think because I was as a child i was really positive energetic um i probably got diagnosed for adhd myself as a kid um and i went into like more miserable as that then things happened i went more miserable I'd more pessimistic and I was a real believer in if something good had happened to me something really bad's gonna happen because I can't have anything good happen because life doesn't work like that only bad things happened

so I I hated myself at one point in my teenage years absolutely hated myself um hated my life Roeddwn i wedi cwmio fy hun ar un pryd yn fy mhrydau tyfn, roeddwn i'n cwmio fy hun yn unigol. Roeddwn i wedi cwmio fy fywyd, roeddwn i wedi cwmio popeth. Ac yna, wrth i mi ddod yn fwy, yn amlwg, y cyd-dreul hwnnw, cyd-dreulais â fy mhrofiad, doeddwn i'n gweithio gyda Jordan, fy ffrind, a oedd gen i am 10 mlynedd, ac fe ddod o'r pryd roedd angen rhywun i ddod. Roedd yn dweud, rydych chi'n symud i mewn gyda fi. Roedd y pethau hynny ddim yn unig yn byw gyda mi, maen nhw wedi effeithio ar fy nhymdeithas gyda fy mam. Roedd fy mam yn rhyfeddol. Roedd yn ddifrifol iawn.

Roeddwn i'n meddwl, mae'n debyg y byddwn i wedi'i ddifryd yn llawer, oherwydd doeddwn i ddim yn deall y llai a'r hyn a dweud y gwna i'n ddysgu yn lle goffredinol mae wedi dod ymlaen ac yna fy nghymysgedd i bawb fel hyn fy nghymysgedd i gael ei effeithio ac yn ystod, dwi'n gofyn 10 mlynedd yn fawr fel pe na fyddai'n rhannu felly gwna i wneud rhywbeth iawn ac yna ar ôl bod y cysylltiad hwnnw wedi diwedd Covid wedi cyflawni fy cysylltiad lle rwyf wedi bod yn cyd-dibynol ar y person hwn yn then after that relationship ended COVID had just hit I'd finished my relationship where I've been codependent on this person ridiculously so the point we didn't go anywhere without each other and did everything to get brushed our teeth to get like everything um and I COVID had hit I was living alone there was lockdown I had a horrendous dental surgery thing go wrong and it was hitting me and I was so so low and I remember thinking I wasn't when I was a kid those times I was suicidal

but I remember thinking I understand why people get to the point they do I genuinely um I did get counselling which I'm a big advocate advocate for counseling like I recommend it to anybody um but at that time I thought right something's got to change so then I've worked a lot on myself in terms of like what's called like shadow work where you look at the darker side of yourself things that trigger you I got counseling um I had to be signed off work from social work because that's hard as well you're doing a job where you're helping so many other people and so many people are dependent on you but then you're also dealing with your own stuff it it just grinds you down and you you're just trapped and you're

suffocated and so that's kind of what I did and I just tried to do more positive things meditation and I just changed my outlook and changed how I think about things. So now if something bad happens, I'm like, well, that's just making way for something good. And that's kind of how I went with changing. Because I get it online all the time, like, oh, you're so positive. And I am, I am genuinely like a positive person. I'm smiling, I'm chatty, that is me.

Or I also present on social media when I'm not so chatty or I'm smiling I'm chatting that is me um or I also present on social media when I'm not so chatty or I'm feeling down because I think it's so important to show the reality of every day is not sunshine and rainbows sometimes you're going to feel absolutely crap and that's okay and if you need a duvet day and to just chill and wind do that um so it's just about loving myself that's been a big thing except in the past and self-care definitely self-care and just and just not being so hard on myself I've always been really really hard on myself and I'm my own worst critic so I've tried to shift that also um don't get me wrong, it's still like a work in progress. Like maths, I'll be honest,

I felt maths undid so much of the work I did on myself and the way Jordan treated me, like just mentally understanding what I'd been through on the show. And it's a big thing, isn't it? Going on TV and then all of a sudden people know who you are. and yeah because i think my next question to you is about to be like you know participating in a reality show where you're filmed all of the time so it's not like you know when you see things like taoi and stuff like that where it's like breaks in between like your entire life is on camera for however long and it is mentally taxing because it's not just like from the moment you

wake up you're on camera um and to the moment you go to sleep and potentially even when you are asleep so i was going to ask you like how did you cope like how did you carry on that self-care stuff throughout that kind of filming i think i remember i remember when i went into the apartment i was devastated i didn't have a bath because baths was so important to me and I walked in I was like there's no bath I can only had a break time I think that's because I was at my like the stress level because that's when I was just starting to really understand like the film and like you said yeah there's so much to it and I think I did go in a little bit naive because I was more looking at the social experiment side and the relationship rather than the tv side yeah um and if you haven't done tv before you you don't know

do you you really don't so that i think my self-care did go out the window i'm stuck in an apartment with someone i don't know really and truly i can't go to a bar i can't go to the cinema i can't do them things because we're living like covid times yeah the at the beginning as well the other people in the experiment don't know i just started to trust them then it's like they're doing things bitching and not being actually authentic so then i can't trust the people i'm with and i felt really really lonely at the beginning really lonely um and then you're you've got no routine schedule that you'd normally have your eating's all weird and you're eating stuff you wouldn't necessarily so I think it all took more of a toll than I realized but then saying that I

did have friendships there so they would pick me up and there was welfare so I'd speak to them I remember I had a tiff with Jordan he decided he was gonna just leave me in the apartment and that that did me really bad right and um because I always felt as well I was always putting his needs first so I just felt alone and I felt like actually is anyone really really there for me yeah I'm trying to be there for you but you're not you know giving it back ac fe wnes i feddwl, ydy unrhyw un yn ymwneud â fi? Rwy'n ceisio bod yno i chi, ond nid ydych chi'n ei roi'n ôl. Felly roedd amserau lle roeddwn i'n teimlo'n llai, ond ar y llaw, fe wnes i gwneud cofnodion da iawn hefyd.

Roedd yna lawer o amserau da. Felly, mae'n ymgysylltu. Oherwydd roedd gen i a Jordan yn cael r da iawn o'i bod yn mynd yn dda, rwy'n meddwl bod hynny wedi helpu. Ond roeddwn i'n ceisio mwynhau'r profiad ac yn gwneud, yn amlwg ar y pryd roeddwn i'n meddwl y byddai'n mynd i fynd i'r swnseth, felly roedd hynny'n fy ngwneud i fynd i mewn. Roeddwn i'n ddwylo ac fe wnaethon i roi'r niferoedd fy ffrindiau yn fy ffôn bwner. and I was naughty and I put my friend's numbers in my little burner phone so I made sure and

text them but you have a burner phone yeah so all our phones get taken but then we get these like little I say burner that's so like street isn't it sorry um I don't even know what are they called little little phone like 10 pounds oh were they you didn't have the big fancy oh i still call it a burner phone yeah yeah so we had like like drug dealer phones you know the little 10 pound ones that can't be traced it was them and i didn't even have snake on it do you know what i mean like that's how bad they were really pushing your buttons yeah um so we got given them yeah and that was more so like welfare could message us and we could message the cast members or whatever. And I got my phone,

because they would give us our normal phones now and again so we could pay our bills and do all of that. So I was like, right, got my phone, wrote my number down. I was like, guys, this is my burner phone. Because I thought, I can't do this fully without speaking to somebody. Because actually, no one here actually knows me for who I am. And I can't fully trust certain people. So that was a little, that's what I did.

I always thought maths was more relaxed than Love Island. Like, you had a little bit more freedom and you could speak to people outside the experiment and stuff. Not really, no. I mean mean we got in trouble one day because after that commitment ceremony where literally everybody was just yeah depressed there's no better word to say it we're like right tomorrow we just need to let our hair down um and we all planned to go to the alchemist and we staggered it so it was like right you leave and we'll meet at that tesco down the road so everyone had like a five minute appointment to leave duca messed it up because it's just duca his big mouth and told welfare

anyway so we before this we'd had a head start from duca messing it up we all went to the alchemist was getting bought drinks and the food it was like a feast and then so we got a call from welfare like where are you and somebody was like i can't lie i just can't lie so then welfare came they came to the bar oh yeah because we had to be sometimes we had to be, what's the word when you're like looked after and followed about? I can't think of the word. Oh, I don't know what the word is, but I know what you mean. Chaperone, yeah. Oh, yeah.

We had to be chaperoned, right? So he'd come and he was so angry. He was like, someone's disappointed, Dan. I would have hated to be that person because I would have loved you guys doing that, but then I would have hated to be the person to take i would have like loved you guys doing that but then i would hate i would hate it to be the person because we've all gone so i think he's peed off about that and then his face oh bless him and we we loved lewis bless him and he come and then was like do you want some food trying to soften the blow and he was like

in it so um yeah we couldn't we couldn't do anything it was it was quite strict um even like with homestays and stuff it's not what it looks like it's very you're going home you're coming back it's it's really restricted um and because they were scared obviously covid sorry um so yeah it was all it was a lot you're in a bubble basically that's yeah you're in a bubble and you can't it's weird you're out of like reality when i come back to my life i was just a bit like wow i haven't got someone knocking on my door i ate like we're going to film i haven't got cars taking me here or someone bringing me lunch so coming back um into reality it was it was strange are you planning on ever returning back to social work after maths um i've not i've not like ruled out no um but i have taken a break

because i can't recognize so much and i don't want maths to overshadow actually my job that i do and someone being like oh well you did this i'm like no i'm here to do this job um so i've kind of let it so it dies down a bit but i went on maths to get a husband i didn't get a husband i got a platform which has blown my mind and has been because maybe like kind of i was new to social media in that respect. So I kind of want to bring the two worlds together as best I can. I've got this platform now, so I'm thinking, what can I do with that platform? How can I help others? I want to do something good with it.

So now I'm just in the process of looking at working with different charities and organisations where I can utilise my platform, working with them and speaking about my experiences to then help other people that have been in the same situations. So that's kind of where my headspace is at now. What do you think you'd say to younger self? It's going to be all right.

You've got this. Like, yeah, it's going to be horrible at times. It's going to be really really bad but you're gonna come out the other end and actually you're gonna surprise yourself you get your degree everything that you've ever wanted to achieve you achieved it achieved it and just yeah just keep trying even when it's bad times okay and I think the best thing that I've read once is sometimes when you feel that you're being buried actually you're just being planted for better things to bloom so that is what I kind of keep

in my head yeah no that's really nice I think as well what would you say to somebody that was listening that was probably like is going through what you've been through in the past um I'd probably say it might be hard now but it will get better there's people out there that you can speak to there's charities organizations that can help do not feel alone and even if you are in the most darkest of places um you you've got this you've got the strength to carry on and and see the light at the end of the tunnel there is a light and even if you can't see it so that's what I'd say and just just love yourself and remember like how amazing you actually are just because someone else is saying x y and z that no it's about how you feel and just yeah

remember you're amazing the last question I want to ask you is um what would you say to people that doubted your ability to be successful based on your childhood experiences how you like me now no um i love that every person has exactly the same response doesn't matter which way i flip the question they have the same response i was gonna say look at me now bitches but i'm afraid she said it anyway so um yeah because it's funny you know at school I was seen as the distraction the structure and I was chatty um and that's probably because I was going through everything and and I remember this one teacher he was an idiot he was an idiot it's not just me saying that and uh he turned around to me once and

he was like you don't do well with authority and he was just really horrible to me and then i remember laughing was like oh now i'm in an authoritative job so i didn't like authority i became authority you should look him up on linkedin i'm sure he'd like to know oh my god yeah oh he was yeah so that's what i look back at i think a lot of people doubted me um especially as well because I've been told so many times given what I've gone through and my upbringing and stuff I probably should have been on a complete different path I take a lot from that and I think again anyone else who's dealing with that you can you can break a cycle believe me you can break a cycle you can change your path if you don't want to deal with something or you're thinking, no, this isn't for me,

go do you because yeah, you've got this. So that's probably what I'd say. Oh, amazing. Thank you so much for that. Honestly, the stuff you talked about, first of all, I'm sorry that you cried. I'm sorry. I'm an emotional person.

I have a habit of making people cry and I don't actually mean to do it. So I'm sorry for that. But I'm really grateful that you came on and shared your experiences and we're really open no and i can't wait to see what you do with it because you know people that there's a lot of people out there that look at contributors of reality tv and just assume you are going to be one type of person or you're just going to do the same thing so you know i'm really excited to and can't wait to see what you get up to. Thank you.

Sorry, my mind's gone blank. It's funny, sorry. It's funny when you think, I have not spoke about this in so long. So then now I'm like thinking about it, I'm like, oh crap, yeah. And then you just get all the thoughts and the memories back in your head and you think that was really,